#like on what grounds are you using to ban dogs???

[sideeve]

⠀⠀⠀“WHAT?! SEX BAN?!”

﹅ contains ;; gojo satoru , kento nanami , choso kamo , toji fushiguro , ryomen sukuna , geto suguru

﹅ alt title ;; how long the jjk men can withstand the sex ban

﹅ warnings ;; sorta sub!choso , whiny!choso , toji's part is more explicit than the others , this is my first time writing for some of the character so i'm sorry if i didn't describe them well

GOJO SATORU (3 days)

“are you serious?” gojo groans, slumping forwards. gojo watched in disappointment as you crossed your arms, looking away from him. "you did it so you have to pay." for weeks, you've been trying to tell gojo to separate the colors from the whites while doing laundry. him just wanting to get it over with, he dumped them all in the same load, ruining some of your favorite pieces of clothing.

"baby, please. i won't do it again," he begs, kneeling in front of you. but to no avail, you stood your ground.

it only took him 3 days to convince you to wave your white flag, surrendering to his seduction. "you look good in my shirts." gojo's hands caress your hips as he presses his chest to your back. "i would be in my clothes if you would just listen to me." you huff, "i never said i was disappointed." gojo whispered, his hard-on pressing on your ass.

“please. just drop the ‘sex ban’. i said i was sorry.” his lips make a trail of kisses on your neck. you needed him too. whenever he wasn’t around, you would use your toys, trying to not let gojo know you were sexually needy. but they didn’t work.

RYOMEN SUKUNA (not happening!)

no. just no. it’s funny that you even thought about putting that in motion. sukuna was too desperate for sex but never wanted to admit it.

“no,” he stood above, crossing his arms, making himself seem bigger than you (as if he even needed to do that). “you can’t deprive me of sex, woman.” he grunts. “but i can, kuna. that’s what you fail to realize.” you tut, standing up to walk away.

one of his four arms wraps around your waist, throwing you back on the soft surface. "you're not going through with this." he growls in your ear, crawling go top of you.

how dare you even think such a thing? you were his woman, his twin flame. you were the only person he showed the littlest respect to and you decide to do some foolery like this.

he tugs your shirt over your head, your bra coming next. his rough hands slide over your chest. "such beauty..." he whispers. "i'll make sure you never think of this again.

KENTO NANAMI (it was on accident)

his job was taking him away from you. between being a jujutsu sorcerer and a businessman, he couldn't find time to be a partner for you.

due to the lack of attention you were receiving, you became sexually pent up, having the urge to pleasure yourself at the worst times. the feeling of neglect was creeping up on you. some days, you forgot nanami even lived with you.

"love, i'm home." nanami tugs off his tie, tossing it to the side. "i don't know how long i can take of this." he rubs his temples, deeply sighing as he led himself to your shared bedroom. before his hand touched the cold metal knob, he heard your muffled moans and the squelching of your cunt.

he slowly opens the door, peeking in the room before fully entering. "it seems i've neglected you." he watches as you quickly cover yourself as if he hasn't seen you naked many times. he unbuttons the top of his shirt as he saunters to the edge of the bed, removing the covers off you.

"seems like i have some things to make up for."

CHOSO KAMO (not even a day)

"please." he whines, his head resting on your lap as he looks up at you. ever since you shared your first time with choso, he's been going at it with you like rabid dogs. if he wasn't inside you, his head was squished in between his thighs.

"choso, i need a break." you sigh, trying to remove him from off you. his grip on your legs was tight as he put his face in between your thighs, shaking his head. he was acting like he couldn't survive without your cunt somehow being involved.

"i swear, i'll leave you alone after. just please," he whined. you couldn't resist him for much longer. you hated when he got all whiny like a baby. he was spoiled because of you.

"fine." you undo the tie of your sweatpants before his hands swatted yours away, tugging your pants and panties off. "i promised you." he kisses your inner thigh before his tongue began flicking away.

TOJI FUSHIGURO (mans was balls deep in you the second you said it)

"you really think so?" he darkly chuckles, rubbing himself on you. "toji, i'm sorry. please." you whine, wiggling your ass on his cock. "i don't think you are." he teases, stepping away from you.

you whine, following him. "it was a joke." you press your hand on his chest. "did i laugh?" he tilts his head, smirking at you. you sigh, "toji, i'm sorry." you press yourself against him, your chest touching his.

"fuck." you knew he couldn't resist the feeling of your chest on him. it was like heaven to him. "turn around." he grunts, gripping your hips to turn you around, bending you over.

he easily slid inside of you due to how wet you got over time. "don't say stuff you don't mean, baby." he laughs, thrusting into your backside. it was worth it.

GETO SUGURU (you gave in after implementing it)

you wanted to test geto's limits, giving him an extra nnn moment which made you realize something. it was always you initiating sex. "geto, please. i give up." you whine, following him around the house.

he chuckles, "everyone must deal with their consequences, my love." he turns to you. he plastered a sinister smile, taunting you. he saw how much you needed him but he wasn't caving in until he heard you say it.

"i'll do anything. my hand isn't even working anymore." you simper. it was starting to become frustrating seeing how calm he was about all of this as you were suffering.

"i need you! is that what you wanted to hear?" you shout, earning a grin from him. he walks closer to you, his finger tracing your jawline, "why didn't you say that sooner, love?" he chuckles.

[agoofyannoyancetolaw]

holy

a/n: decided to take some inspo from that very first fic I wrote so tada. It’s a long one so buckle in folks- also some reader dialog because it was needed for plot :/

minors DNI I’m fr.

phillip was a good man, a holy man, a priest. He had sworn celibacy a long time ago and has kept it every day even when the prettiest boys would look at him and his heart ached to feel their touch. He had his church and his small town and he was happy with just that and nothing more- until the little town he loved started to change around him, the church got hard for him to sit in with the feeling of burning pain coursing through him every time he preached.

he just couldn’t understand it?? Why had his god cursed him with these sudden pains in the place he called home? Why has his house felt so hauntingly open to the world as if someone was following him, watching him. And it didn’t help that every damn night he felt as if someone or something was in bed with him and teasing his senses and urges with every passing second.

he had searched his entire apartment, throwing things and moving chairs and desks to try to find where the hell this feeling had come from- only to find a small pentagram on the floor of the last owners carpet which he jumped at.

he fell back on the ground with a thud, his cross necklace falling directly onto the pentagram as a hazy feeling filled the air that made him want to gag or run away on his heels like a child.

your shadowy figure stood over him in silence- long horns, sharp claws, a tail and folded wings; a demon. God what had he done! He didn’t want this, he didn’t want to be killed or dammed or anything else! He was too focused on this thoughts to even feel your hand grip his chin and tilt his head up as if you were inspecting him

“ah. A pretty little priest, hm? Almost a shame you summoned me- although you’re stuck with me now either way.” You hummed with a smile, his eyes widening at your voice and your claim alike

“leave me be!! Creature of Satan-!” graves said in a surprisingly shaky voice for someone so educated on demons

“Aw, it’s not like I’m going to hurt you- but your stuck with me now” you hummed as you knocked him out with a simple tap on his shoulder due to his fear and carried him to his bed.

over the weeks he had gotten used to you. Your figure haunting over him while he tried to sleep and the burning he could feel when he was inside the church with you silently stalking outside past the windows of the church as if you were a normal person- god he even started to like having you around. your handsome voice ringing in his ear or your calloused hands touching him when you moved him around the house… but that would be wrong! You’re a demon, a creature banned by his god!

He tried ignoring it, he really did. But the feeling of your hands gripping at his hips and the feeling of your hot breath on his neck kept reminding him of those sinful ideas; yet none the less it sent his blood rushing to his lower half. Especially when you insisted to sleep next to him every night.

This morning when he woke up he would have to pry himself out of your grip to get ready for the day per usual. Although the feeling of your member practically flush against him was making him whine- he couldn’t contain the urge to nestle up against you and grind against you ever so slightly like a dog in heat. He felt horrid for doing this, sinful even.. but he continued anyway till you woke up with a lazy chuckle, soft pleas already falling from his pretty lips.

He only stopped when he felt your hands grip his hips and play with the waistband of his boxers, his entire body shuttering as he felt your warm hands tease his rim. He knew this was wrong, he knew this wouldn’t be something he could make up for with god- but it felt so good.

he practically lost his breath when he felt one of your digits slip into him slowly, the painful stretch making him scramble to try not to make noise as you played his body like a fiddle. He could already feel a hot coiling sensation slowly tense and build up in the depth of his mind. his pretty little jaw slack and tears dotting his eyes as you slid another finger in and pressed against his prostate softly; his cock twitching against his now tugged down boxers with pathetic whimpers to accompany the sensation. He clenched around your fingers like a vice as you prepped him, half out of it by the time you pulled your digits out.

he wiggled around a bit searching for your fingers again before he felt the burning pleasure of your members head against his rim, the slow push making him feel as if it was in his throat or skewering him whole. He was moaning loudly by the time your hips were flushed against his, his lips bruised from how hard he tried to keep his mouth shut.

his breath was sharp as he desperately tried to focus on the way you bucked into him and bruised his hips With your grip.. god how has he sworn to not do this!? He couldn’t even put together a sentence as he painted the sheets white, clenching around you so tightly that you did the same inside of him. his back arching so prettily when you pulled over and kissed him on the cheek as if he was yours…

he didn’t like the fact he had broken his oath, but he would sell his soul to you just to do it again.

[anexperimentallife]

The US far right has been working on their plan since AT LEAST the 1960s, when I was a kid listening to evangelicals talking about their plan to take over the US, and eventually the world. It's called "Christian Dominionism," and it's a fascist ideology which goes hand in glove with the GOP's plans.

Although it was not expressed so much to the world at large, this plan was OPENLY and FREQUENTLY discussed in far right circles. We kids, if we asked about it, were told that it was "God's Will." Ask any exvangelical about it, and they'll confirm. (Part of why I know so much about these dangerous and deluded folks is I WAS ONE OF THEM in my youth.)

And where has that plan gotten them? Well, the GOP recently released a hundreds of pages long document filled with their intentions if they win--including a nationwide abortion ban and a repeal of anti-discrimination laws, among other things.

Trump has already signaled his intent to create a military dictatorship if elected, by repealing laws against using the military against US citizens on US soil sp he can deploy them against dissenters, etc., and if the GOP pick up a few more congressional seats, he can do it. The GOP has already pushed to repeal presidential term limits, and Trump has indicated he'd like to be president for life.

So I'm amazed at all the people who think withholding their vote and letting the GOP win is going to somehow fix things and "push the Dems left."

You wanna know how to push US politics leftward? You're not gonna like it, because it takes actual work beyond stomping your foot and pouting and performatively showing everyone how "pure" you are by refusing to vote.

You have to start the same way the far right did (and again, they've been OPENLY talking about and pursuing this plan since I was a kid in the 1960s, AT LEAST)--they started by getting the most extreme right wingers they possibly could into any position they could. Positions like school board member, police chief, sherrif, city prosecuter, city council member, municipal judge, mayor, governor, hell, fucking dog catcher.

They encouraged far right extremists to become police officers and military personnel and work their way up the ranks to the point at which even the famously-racist FBI reported that major city police departments across the nation were pretty much taken over by members of white supremacist organizations.

In formerly reasonable churches, right wingers pushed for the hiring and training of more and more right wing pastors and mire right-wing theology.

More affluent right-wingers bought local papers and broadcasters, and as their political power grew, they changed laws to make it easier for a single entity to control the news--until now a mere handful of entities own nearly every major media outlet in the US.

And then they used every victory as leverage for the next one, and worked their way up. I mean, there's more, like the capitalization on economic and social anxiety and their inentional exacerbation of same so they could take advantage of it, but that's intertwined with the rest.

Essentially, they got this far because they put the work in.

If the US left is going to turn things around (and if it's not already too late), we've got to do the same, but it takes RESEARCHING and PROMOTING your local and state candidates, attending city council and school board meetings, and shit like that. It's actual fucking work to fix a country.

And then, after you've done all that--and after you've shown up to primaries to try to get any non-authoritarian leftist candidate you can nominated--then you vote for the leftest folks you're able to in the general. If there are no remotely leftist candidates, you vote for the centrist or right winger who will do the least damage.

Again, that's what the US far right has been doing for decades. Taking action. Wherever possible, taking new ground, but when they couldn't do that, ceding as little ground as possible. If they couldn't win, they made damn sure to do everything in their power to try to keep actual decent human beings from winning.

Actually doing the work doesn't have the emotional satisfaction of a grand gesture, but it definitely shows who is serious about making a difference and who would rather let everything burn than sully their imagined purity by voting for anything less than perfection.

Listen, Trump is not going to end the genocide in Gaza--in fact he increased tensions between the Israeli occupation and Palestine. And the GOP will never be persuaded. Hell, they want to let Russia take Ukraine and declare open season on asylum seekers.

The Dems suck. But the GOP is far, far worse, and will do MORE damage, and kill FAR MORE innocents. And if allowed to do so, will make it even harder to change the system than it is now. They've already PUBLICLY ADMITTED that their only chance of victory is keeping people from voting. Don't play into their hands.

Under current circumstances, you know what the Dems are going to do if Biden and a bunch of other Dems lose for not being pure enough? You think they'll be all like, "Oh, no! The left sure taught us a lesson by handing the country to the GOP! We'd better shift to the left!"

No. They're going to sip champagne in their multi-million dollar mansions and have meetings about how they need to move FURTHER RIGHT to win elections, because the left doesn't vote.

And if the US becomes a military dictatorship, most of the high ranking ones will simply take their fortunes and leave.

Yup, it'd sure teach ol' Joe a lesson to force him to spend the rest of his days sipping cocktails on the Riviera.

Look beyond the single battle and think strategically. That's how the GOP keeps gaining power. And refusing to act strategically is why the left is losing. We cannot take the hill we want right now. But if we lose the hills we've already taken, we risk losing the entire goddamn war.

So fucking vote. Work to get every leftist you can in any office you can. And if you can't do that, support the one who will do the least harm.

And if it takes voting for that shitbag Biden to keep Trump and the GOP out, hold your fucking nose and pull the goddamn lever.

[mrchiipchrome]

Parents

W.C. - 3 k

“Fuck!”

“Language” Lucy replies.

Joining Barcelona at the age of 14 last season had changed your life for the better, sure the balancing of schoolwork and professional football was difficult to say the least but you had the most amazing women around you helping. You moved from a small club in the south of Spain to the giants during the summer transfer window, over the moon as soon as you got the call that they wanted to sign you. Your parents gave you the ‘okay’ for the move, though their jobs were too important to leave so you would get placed with a teammate as a solution.

So when you had packed up what little you needed from your childhood bedroom in your backpack, you set off for the train. One tearful goodbye with your parents later and you stepped foot on the train taking you to the city of dreams.

When you arrived, you got picked up by a member of staff and directly to the training grounds where you would meet the team for the first time and sign the paperwork. It felt like it took 1000 years to sign all the papers but when you were finally done, you could feel the excitement coursing through your veins. 

Meeting your teammates was a success and the prospect of living with any of them had you excited. You instantly got the hint that you would live with the two English women when they were asked to stay after practice. Not making too much of a fuss when they realized they had a teen to take care of was good for you, the two of them already having known that you would join their residence for a couple weeks. And so you moved in, creating an unbreakable bond by the end of the first week with the two women.

—

“Can we go out for ice cream after training? I finished all my assignments.” No one could ever resist your puppy dog eyes, infamously adorable, so when you threw them into the mix you were sure that you would get your sought after ice cream. Lucy slings her strong arm around your shoulder, walking a little faster than she normally would to be able to keep the pace of your long lanky legs. Keira slips her arm around your waist at your other side, the two older women sandwiching you between them as they ‘think’ about your offer.

“Sure, but only if you promise to brush your teeth extra carefully tonight. Wouldn’t want you to get cavities-” Your cheers cut her off as you suddenly take off in the direction of some of the younger players, happy that you would get your sweet treat. 

The two women left walking look at each other with a certain softness expressed through their eyes. They hadn’t been expecting to be thrown into ‘parenthood’ so suddenly but life works how it does for a reason, and to be fair Keira did have a bit of experience, dealing with Georgia and all.

Later that day, Lucy’s followers are blessed with a picture of you sitting across from them at the ice cream parlor eating your ice cream before a picture of her and Keira doing the same. It was a sweet moment between the small family, you had really found your true parents in the two women.

—

Trekking around with a knife and an apple was not an uncommon feat at the Walsh-Bronze household, especially not recently. Keira had banned you from using knives after you had accidentally cut off the tip of your pinky while cooking and had to go to the hospital to have it reattached to the rest of your finger. So now you were stuck with the ugly bandage on your hand and another reason for Keira to not let you do something, but you’re sure that she’s been looking for a reason to ban your use of knives for a while now.

You had already looked everywhere for the midfielder, Lucy had gone out to grocery shop so Keira was the only choice but you had exactly no idea where she was. Just as you’re about to break the hard imposed rule she had set and cut the apple yourself, you hear talking from the living room.

Walking into the room, you immediately spot Keira sitting on the couch talking to someone. At first, you don’t know who’s on the other line, but that is before you hear the heavily accented raspy voice of Keira’s best friend. Leah Williamson.

Both Keira and Lucy think your obvious crush on the defender is hilarious, always teasing you and speaking about introducing the two of you. Yet you had always been able to escape the premises before Keira had ever pressed the button under Leah’s name, going over to Vicky’s or in dire cases your captain’s house.

Your eyes widen drastically, but with Keira not noticing your obvious presence you slowly start to back away and out of the room. You see how Keira’s head snaps up in your direction as you accidentally step on one of Narla’s squeaky toys, producing a sound akin to that of a dying pig. Looking down at your feet and the offending device, the only thing you can think about is how the next few minutes are going to be pure hell and embarrassment for you. The next time you look up at the redhead she’s staring back at you with a teasing look in her eyes and a smile full of mirth, and you just know she’s thinking of ways to torture you.

“Y/n, just the person I was looking for! Come say hi to the people” Her eager movements indicating she wanted you to come closer simply don’t give you another choice, especially now that they know it’s you who entered the room. Walking over to the couch which she sits at, you’re careful with the knife still in your hand as you flop down beside her.

“Need help with my apple, please.” Without even responding, she hands you her phone while taking the things from your hands in a swapping gesture. The first thing you notice is how Leah's face only takes up half of the screen instead of the whole screen, clueing you in on what Keira meant by ‘the people’, it wasn’t a facetime call but an instagram live.

“Hi Y/n, I've heard a lot about you, all good things I promise” The wink she throws you isn’t a flirting one by any means, it’s one of those you throw out haphazardly at the end of one of those sentences like the one that just fell from her lips. And like anyone would in your situation, you stutter out a reply all while a blush overtakes your face.

“H-hey Leah” You pair with a wave as you hear Keira sigh beside you at your obvious awkwardness around people you thought of as attractive. “Keira talks about you all the time, so I’ve heard a lot about you too.”

“Keira was just telling me about her new habit of banning things around the house-“

“I have nothing to do with that-“ Keira cuts you off before you can continue lying about your clear involvement in doing things that you later get banned from.

“Excuse me, wasn’t it you who just had to spend nearly two hours in the ER to reattach the tip of your pinky after an accident in the kitchen? Wasn’t it that whole ordeal that made me ban your use of knives in the first place?” Her exposing you had the blush on your face turning a deeper shade of red as you relent, holding up your non-dominant hand covered in bandages from your wrist up to the tips of your pinky and ring finger. 

“To be fair, it wouldn’t have happened if Luce hadn’t distracted me in the first place. She’s too good at that.” If Lucy hadn’t made you look up by calling your name, then you wouldn’t have sliced through your finger instead of the cucumber and Keira wouldn’t have needed to pick up the bloody piece of flesh to put on ice while the distractor herself wrapped your finger tightly in a kitchen towel.

“What about the time before that, huh? The oven incident? Who’s fault was that?” She speaks as she hands you the now cut up apple and takes her phone from your unsteady hand, the phone displaying Leah’s clearly amused expression at the bickering happening in Spain.

“Gracias Kie” You cut yourself off as you take a bite of the juicy apple you’ve waited for so long before continuing what you were about to say. “That was mostly my fault, but how was I supposed to know that the baking sheet had been in the oven when there were no indications of it being hot” Keira just rolls her eyes at that, having told you multiple times before you picked up the metal that it was hot.

“As clumsy as Alessia then, are you?” Leah reminds you of her presence with the rapidly strung together sentence, and while you just look on confused as you hadn’t ever met any of Keira and Lucy’s national teammates she understands exactly what the blonde means.

“No, Alessia’s more clumsy clumsy while this one” She points at you with her thumb, “is dangerous clumsy. Less trips and falls over her feet casually, this one is barely allowed to use the butterknife ‘cause she might accidentally cut herself. Yeah, them two together would be chaotic. We would need double the manpower to keep them from injuring themself.”

Just as you’re about to retort, you hear the front door open and Lucy calling out for you. Sighing, you begrudgingly say goodbye before taking your leave to help Lucy with the groceries. You hear Keira say a quiet “She has the biggest crush on you” to Leah, but you simply can’t be bothered to react.

—

“Lucy, Luce, Roberta, wake up damnit” 

Being shaken awake by a frantic 15 year old is not something many do, usually at that age you’re more sophisticated and careful as you wake people if you do at all. And yet, Lucy finds herself in the predicament of having to decide whether to wake up or not, but as she hears the fast breathing and feels the hands on her still she decides to wake up.

“Hey, hey, calm down. I can’t help you if you don’t calm down, you know.” Now sitting up and more alert, Lucy pulls your shaking form down onto the bed she shares with the other English woman who has miraculously managed to stay asleep through all the ruckus. Holding you in her arms, she feels you calming down little by little until you’re completely still in her hold. She’s nearly convinced that you’ve managed to fall asleep as your steady breaths puff against her neck, but as you speak her assumptions are proven wrong.

“Had a bad dream, I wanted to make sure you and Kie were alright. If it’s not too much to ask for, could you tell me the story of the moon and the sun again?” Lucy had to hold back from letting the exclamation of adoration out at you immediately looking for her and Kiera after experiencing a nightmare. She remembers telling you the story her own mother had told her when she was a kid.

"Of course I can, it’s no problem” She waits for you to stop shifting around so much and to find a more comfortable position in between her and her girlfriend. When you finally still, she starts retelling the story she’s heard so many times before.

“Before there was anything, before me and you and everyone else on this planet existed there was a moon and a sun. Every night right before the moon would go to bed, it would notice the sun lighting up the sky with its incredible glow. As the moon woke up, the sun would go to sleep and its shine would be gone, the moon would miss the very thing it so longed for. So the moon devised a plan, a plan to not miss the bright light of its long lost love, a plan of great excellence and intrigue. And so the night of the plan came, the moon waiting for the rays of sunshine to overtake the dark of the sky it had been so used to. As the sky lit up with soft rays of orangey yellow, the moon couldn’t think of anything other than how much more beautiful everything was when it was lit up by the sun.” 

Lucy felt the way you had slumped against her halfway through the story, now sure about your unconscious state.

“You’re good with her” Keira speaks from the other side of your body and Lucy smiles at the sound of her voice.

 “Thank you”

—

When you heard that team bonding would take place at the zoo, you couldn’t have been more excited. On the contrary, both of your team moms were less than happy about the choice of location for the activity knowing they were going to have a hyperactive Y/n on their hands. But as luck would have it, the kiddie leash they had ordered for these occasions had come in the week prior. It was one of those backpacks with the leash attached to the back of it that you would see parents with unruly children use. 

After a bit of bribing, they got past the initial protests of you not being a child and got you to put on the dinosaur backpack, they tightened it to make sure it wouldn’t fall off before walking out of the house together.

They made sure to use the backpack function as well, stuffing it with your drinks and snacks. You’re nearly at the zoo when they realize the absence of the memory of you taking your medication that morning, and at that moment they are incredibly thankful for making you wear the backpack.

Watching as you flip Mapi off for making fun of your new accessory, they don’t have the heart to tell you off for the obscene gesture. Not when it was their fault you were getting made fun of in the first place. 

Like always, you gravitate towards the younger members of the team while Keira does the older ones. This leaves Lucy to go with you to your friends and Keira to walk over to hers. 

“Vicky look at my backpack, isn’t it cool?” You skip over to her, clutching onto the fabric hanging over your shoulders as Lucy tries to keep up with your overly energetic self.

“It’s really cool Y/n” Vicky’s words mean a lot to you, her becoming a close friend and a sisterly figure for you with her being so close in age. 

When everyone is rounded up, they buy their tickets one by one and wait on the other side of the gates for the rest. Once inside, you’re rushing around buzzing to see all the animals that you can’t see normally. Like the saying goes, time goes faster when you’re having fun, you soon find yourself eating lunch with half the day being spent with different animals. You and Lucy are throwing teasing comments at each other like usual when an innocent comment starts an onslaught of funny statements.

“Y/n when I was your age-” She doesn’t get to finish her sentence before you start.

“Luce, when you were my age I wasn’t even born yet. In fact you made your senior debut for Sunderland a year before I was born.” That shut her up, not knowing that you had done your research on her. 

The rest of the day goes off without a hitch and as you walk home, you can’t help but wonder why life has been so good to you lately. But you don’t think for too long, instead being happy with the course your life has taken.

But everything everyone can talk about when the pictures of the day are released is how you had to wear the kiddie leash. 

—

Lately you’ve been using TikTok a bit more often, not much more than before but there was a difference. This meant that you had discovered new trends and edits of your teammates, you had even followed a couple of accounts making videos of your teammates to show them later. 

But when you saw the video on your recommended page, you just knew it would be perfect for you to use with Lucy and Kiera. The perfect opportunity to strike comes up when they ask you to join them for a walk with Narla later that day, to which you agree. 

You let them walk in front of you as you slow down, TikTok open on your phone ready to record the interaction. You hold your thumb on the red button as you start by recording yourself mouthing the words before turning it to them and recording them in time with the sound.

Slipping your phone back into your pocket, you decide to edit the clip later and enjoy the walk you currently were on. 

Arriving home, you go to your room and type out the in video caption of ‘when they take you out on walks with their dog’. Before posting the video you type the usual caption, ‘walks with Robert and shaKeira (narla was there too)’.

An hour later the two victims barge into your room and unexpectedly hug you, expecting them to be ‘annoyed’ at you but that wasn’t the case.

“You think of us as your parents?” You see Lucy discreetly wipe a tear from her eye, but you pretend not to notice it.

“Well yeah, you guys have been more like my parents these last few months than my biological ones have been all 14 years they had me around.” The two just embrace you harder at that, and you can feel their love seeping through their actions.

“So I take it you like my mama y papa video then?” The two of them just press a kiss to either side of your face, and you feel truly happy for the family you have gotten since you moved to Barcelona.

Nearly took longer to post this, my hand is burnt. Hope you enjoyed, this was a pretty shit one. Promise the next one is Lessi

[rottenpumpkin13]

Imagine the firsts getting competitive over queens blood

Why Queen's Blood Is Banned From SOLDIER, A List

• Some people don't know how to play fair and make up rules on the spot, which results in arguments between opponents. One time Zack made up the rule that slapping down three cactuar cards automatically wins the game, and Kunsel was so enraged he shoved a cactuar card down Zack's throat.

• Some people⏤Sephiroth⏤are too good at QB and and it angers others who don't stand a chance against them, leading to cheating accusations. This came after Angeal was so convinced Sephiroth was cheating that he called the police. This resulted in Lazard having to explain to the dispatched officers that the "cheating" in question was because of QB and not Sephiroth cheating on his apparent lover Angeal.

• Some people⏤Genesis⏤don't know how to lose, which turns the above point violent. Genesis has been known to throw entire decks out the window and set them on fire if he loses. If he loses to Sephiroth, guarantee the table will be broken in half and they end up on the ground in a fist fight.

• Sephiroth lost to Genesis once and Genesis never let him forget it, bringing it up in every conversation. Sephiroth grew tired of this, so he did the healthy thing and attempted to staple Genesis's mouth shut.

• The matches take too long because no one wants to lose, so they spend time planning their moves and strategies. One match between Angeal and Zack took three hours, they skipped a giant mission they had been prepping for weeks for, Lazard had a heart attack, and in the end Zack realized he had spent three hours pouring his concentration into the game for nothing. He had to be sedated.

• The Counterfeit Booster Pack Fiasco: Kunsel started selling shady "limited edition" QB decks behind Lazard's back⏤selling things is also banned from the 49th floor. They started selling like hot cakes, but Lazard caught wind that there was something going on. So he interrogated Sephiroth.

Lazard: I know that there's unauthorized goods being distributed amongst the program.

Sephiroth: You don't say.

Lazard: Tell me what it is.

Sephiroth: How would I know?

Lazard: Eyewitnesses claim to have seen you purchase something from Kunsel in the men's bathroom this morning.

Sephiroth, not thinking AT ALL: It was candy.

• And that's why sniffer dogs were brought in at 9 AM on a Wednesday and everyone had to do a drug test.

• Random people pop in at random times of the day to play against SOLDIERs. Reno uses this as a way to bet money and has scammed Zack out of three paychecks already. Cloud swings by on occasion to beat all three 1sts, enjoy watching them lose, and leaves.

• Deck theft runs rampant. Every day there are reports over stolen QB decks and accusations that have ruined several friendships, which hinders everyone's ability to work together. No one is safe. Sephiroth's deck got stolen, Genesis's deck got stolen, Angeal accused Sephiroth and Genesis of theft, Zack....has a suspicious amount of good cards.

• People play when they should be working.

Lazard: Angeal, where's your mission report?

Angeal: Genesis ate it.

Lazard: Excuse me?

Angeal: I beat Sephiroth in a QB match and Genesis was so jealous and enraged he grabbed the report right off my desk and chewed off a chunk.

Lazard: I'm convinced that there's crack in those apples.

• The straw that broke the camel's back and got QB officially banned, though, was the match between Sephiroth and Genesis that ended in them getting stitches because they discovered a way to effectively stab each other with the cards.

• Its rumored that the mere mention of Queen's Blood is enough to make Lazard have a nervous breakdown.

[callofdudes]

More ✨ incorrect cod quotes!! ✨

Ghost: We need a distraction.

Price: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Soap, whispering: My time has come

--------

Soap: Do you need help getting up?

Ghost: Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor

---------

Ghost: What did you order this morning?

Soap: What do you mean?

Ghost: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food.

--------

Soap: So... what’s goin’ on?

Ghost: You want the long version or the short version?

Soap, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?

Ghost: Shit’s fucked.

Soap: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

--------

Soap: *in a jail cell* What about my Miranda rights!? You’re supposed to say I have ‘the right to remain silent’”! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Ghost: *in the cell next to him* You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.

--------

Soap: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Ghost: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Soap: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Ghost: Somehow that's worse.

--------

Soap: What do I get?

Ghost: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Soap: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Ghost: It won't be you.

Soap: I'll get my coat.

---------

Soap, shooing Ghost away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.

--------

Soap: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?

Ghost: I only like dark humor.

Soap, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?

Ghost:

Soap: An IMPASTA!

--------

Gaz, gesturing to Price: Ghost, look what you did! You made Mom upset!

Soap: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry!

Ghost: I’m sorry Mom... :(

Price, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

-------

Price, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Soap: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Ghost: I personally was created in a lab.

Gaz: I just straight up spawned lol.

-------

Ghost: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!

Gaz: You left me, Soap, and Price in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.

Ghost: I did that on purpose, try again.

-------

Soap: So, what, now I'm just supposed to do anything Gaz does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?

Price: If Gaz were to jump off a cliff, he would've done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Gaz jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Ghost: You jump off a cliff!

Price: Gladly, provided Gaz did first.

-------

Ghost: ARE YOU-

Soap: Fucking.

Ghost: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Soap: Fucking.

Ghost: IDIOT!

Gaz: …What was that?

Soap: Price banned Ghost from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

-------

Soap: *falls down the stairs*

Price: Are you okay?

Gaz: Stop falling down the stairs!

Ghost: How’d the ground taste?

-------

Gaz: Hey Soap, wanna third wheel on my date with Price tomorrow?

Soap: Sure.

Gaz: Ghost! Wanna third wheel on my date with Price tomorrow?

Gaz: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Soap and Ghost: ...

Price: Gaz...

------

Price: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Soap: Throw rocks at he.

Gaz: Hot Dogs.

Ghost: Kill him.

Price: Thanks guys.

-------

Soap: Made you all playlists!

Soap: Ghost, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

Soap: Gaz, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Soap: And Price has the ABBA Gold album.

-------

Gaz: *about Soap and Ghost* They make a cute couple, huh?

Price: They certainly are standing next to each other.

-------

Price: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Price: *aggressively throws water bottles*

Ghost: Uh... what's up with him?

Gaz: He's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

Price: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Soap, crying: It's working.

-------

Soap: Ghost, come out of your room right now!

Ghost: You're not my dad!

Soap: Yeah well I can hit like him!

Soap:...

Soap: Ghost I-

Ghost, slamming his door open: You have three seconds to run.

Soap: L-look at you... o-out of your room..

Soap, screaming as Ghost chases him down the hallway:

-------

Price: Yesterday, I watched Ghost try to eat a decorative rock from Soap's potted plant. Gaz caught him, and told him he can't eat rocks. Ghost started whining something about no food being in the house before walking away.

------

Gaz, watching Soap and Price fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

Ghost, not bothered by the chaos: It’s fine. They’re too evenly matched to hurt each other.

Gaz: Then... who’s the strongest out of you three?

Soap: Ghost.

Price: Ghost.

Ghost: Me.

-------

Gaz: What’s it like being tall?

Soap: Is it nice?

Gaz: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Ghost: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

------

Soap: My stomach growled super loud in French.

Soap: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.

Gaz: Bonjour.

Ghost: Le growl.

Gaz: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

-------

Ghost: I told Price to grab snacks for everyone.

Gaz, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?

*Ghost, Price, and Soap raise their hands*

[fanartandfanfiction]

Adventures in Snake- Sitting

Aesop heard a frantic knocking at his door. He already knew who it was before he opened it.

“What have I told you about coming here?”

Melody looked anxious. “I have a favor to ask. Ominis and Sebastian are at Feldcroft for the weekend and asked me to watch Meatball because Anne is afraid of snakes. Something’s come up and I need to go. Can you watch Meatball? It’ll be like one or two hours tops.”

Aesop looked down at the happy-looking snake in her bag. “Can’t you just leave him in his terrarium?”

“No, he’s a flight risk. If he goes after the headmaster one more time, he’s banned from the school. Would you please watch him? It’s important.” She pouted and gave him puppy dog eyes.

“Ugh, fine.” 

“Thank you! Be a good boy, Meatball.” She smooched the snake on the top of his head. “His talking buttons are in there, just spread them out.” She handed him the bag and practically ran down the hall. 

“Hello, Meatball. You can explore but be careful. Now, what are talking buttons?”

Meatball slid out of the bag and waited for him to take out the buttons. Once they were placed, he slithered over and pressed one with his head.

“Hello!”

“Oh, that’s quite clever!” He smiled.

“Hello!”

“Yes, hello.”

“Hello!”

Aesop sighed. “Hello Meatball.” 

He slithered over and pressed two more buttons. “Meatball! Sad.”

“You’re sad? Because Melody left?”

“Yes.” 

“I’m sorry. She’ll be back.” 

“Meatball. Sad. Ominis. Melody. No. Sebastian.” 

“Not a fan of Mr. Sallow? I can’t say I blame you.”

“Meatball. No. Like. Sebastian. Sebastian. Meatball. MAD!” 

Aesop smiled at the snake. It was adorable watching him press the buttons with his nose. He was quite intelligent too.

“These are quite clever indeed. What do they all do?”

Meatball slithered around pressing buttons. “Yes. No. Happy. Sad. MAD! Like. Love. Hungry. Sleepy. Melody. Ominis. Sebastian. Garreth.”

“Why do you have a Garreth button? I can see the other three…”

“Meatball. Love. Garreth.” Meatball seemed to be smiling.

“I don’t see the appeal, but alright. I’m wondering if perhaps there’s an enchantment we could use to help you speak. Let’s go visit Abraham.” He held out the bag for Meatball to slither into.

Meatball rode happily in the bag with his head sticking out so he could see where he was going. Aesop walked down to Abraham’s room and knocked.

“Aesop! What a surprise!” Abraham smiled. 

“Hello Abraham. I trust you know Meatball?”

“Ah, hello my little friend!” Abraham held his hand out and Meatball flicked it with his tongue. “Are you babysitting?”

“I suppose so. I was wondering if I could pick your brain about something. You see, Meatball uses buttons to talk. I was wondering if perhaps there was an enchantment to help him speak. Right now he’s quite limited.”

“Perhaps. Let me see those buttons.” They went back to Aesop’s room and Meatball demonstrated how he used his buttons.

“You are quite intelligent, Mr. Meatball!” Ronen grinned. “I think I shall need to consult some books. Please accompany me to the library.” 

Meatball slithered back into the bag and Sharp hoisted it onto his shoulder. They began walking to the library and Aesop froze when he saw Phineas walking towards them. “Oh no. Meatball Ioves him.” He looked at Meatball and the bag and whispered “please behave. You’ll get Ominis and Melody in trouble.”

“Gentlemen.” Phineas nodded. He’d just returned from a trip and was levitating his luggage behind him.

“Hello Phineas! How was your trip to the ministry?” Ronen asked with a smile.

“Just as dreadfully boring as always. If you’ll excuse me, I’m eager to return to my quarters.”

“Of course.” They said their goodbyes and Aesop sighed. “Good job Meat-“ he looked down at the now-empty bag. “MEATBALL!” 

He and Ronen looked in the direction Phineas was walking and saw Meatball quickly slithering behind him.

“Shit!” Aesop swore. They took off at a run towards Meatball, who was now slithering into the partially unzipped suitcase Phineas had set on the ground. 

“We need to get that suitcase!”

“How do we do that?” 

“I don’t know.” Garreth Weasley happened to be walking by and Aesop had an idea.

“GARRETH!”

Garreth jumped and looked panicked. “I didn’t do anything!”

“Apologies, Mr. Weasley. I need your assistance. This is the one and only time I will ask this of you. I need you to cause a distraction so we can get Meatball out of the headmaster’s luggage.”

“Oh shit!” Garreth’s eyes widened. “Sorry. Meatball is obsessed with him for some reason. I’ll figure something out.” Garreth took off at a run in Phineas’ direction.

“Hey Professor Black, I’ve been working on my juggling! Watch!” Garreth picked up a bust of Phineas and a bust of a former headmaster. 

“PUT THOSE DOWN, MR. WEASLEY!”

“I need them for my act!” Phineas chased Garreth down the hall and Aesop and Abraham dove for the suitcase. They unzipped it and Meatball popped up, a pair of Phineas’ underwear on his head. 

Abraham started laughing while Aesop removed the leopard print briefs and snatched Meatball. He shoved Meatball into the bag and he and Ronen headed in the direction of the library once more.

“Meatball, PLEASE! You’re going to get Melody and Ominis in trouble!” 

Meatball flicked his tongue across his hand in apology. “Stay hidden. I’m fairly certain snakes are not allowed in the library.” 

“Good evening Madame Scribner!” Ronen greeted the librarian. “Aesop and I need to access the restricted section.”

“Here you go. Watch the key closely, some of those tricksters may try to snatch it.” She handed them the key and they went down the stairs. 

They were alone in the restricted section, so Sharp took Meatball out of the bag and set him on the desk. “I’m not letting you out of my sight, but I thought you might want out of the bag.” 

“Have a seat, Aesop, I’m going to pull a few things.” Abraham said, already searching. Aesop sat at the desk with Meatball, who slithered over and booped his hand.

“What?” He asked. Meatball booped his hand again so he lifted it up. Meatball slithered under it and smiled at him. “Oh, you’re wanting me to pet you. I shouldn’t after that stunt you pulled earlier.” He sighed and rubbed Meatball’s head. “You know, I enjoy your company more than I expected. I don’t mean offense, I’ve just never been a pet person.” Meatball flicked his tongue across his hand. “Perhaps I should get a snake. Though I don’t know if it would be as docile as you.” 

Abraham came back with a few books. “Alright Mr. Meatball. I think I have found something that may work. Are you willing to let me try?” Meatball slithered over to him and waited. “Alright, this is rather complex, so I need to focus.” Abraham began moving his wand in small motions over Meatball’s head and muttering a series of words. After about a minute of mumbling and waving, he lightly touched Meatball’s head with his wand. “Speak.”

“Hello!” Meatball said in a small, somewhat high pitched voice.

Abraham and Aesop cheered. “Well done, Abraham!”

“Meatball happy!” Meatball wagged his tail.

“Wait, can he not speak in full sentences?” Aesop asked.

“Meatball speak best he can.” He slithered over to Aesop. “Meatball like you!” 

“I like you too, Meatball.” Aesop smiled.

“What call you?” He cocked his head. 

“You may call me Aesop.”

“Melody no call Aesop. Melody call dad.”

“She calls me her dad?” He smiled. 

“Meatball call dad?” 

“Um, I suppose so.”

“Meatball like dad! Meatball happyyyy!” 

“Well that’s adorable!” Abraham grinned. 

“What Meatball call you?” Meatball slithered over to Ronen. 

“I am Abraham, but you may call me grandpa if you wish.”

“Seriously, Abraham?” Sharp asked with a smirk.

“What? I would love to be grandpa to this wonderful boy!” 

“Grandpa!” Meatball wagged his tail happily like a dog. 

“Meatball want to see the leader.” 

“What?” Aesop asked.

“The tall green snake with legs.”

“Perhaps Phineas would be more open if he could speak?” Abraham asked. 

“I suppose we can try.”

They’d spoken with Matilda first and asked her opinion. She hadn’t been present the day Meatball had gotten loose and had only heard what Phineas had said. Meatball was currently sitting on her desk. 

“What Meatball call you?” He asked.

“You may call me Matilda.” She smiled.

“Matilda, pretty name!” Meatball flicked his tongue.

“Why thank you! You seem like a gentle fellow. Let me go speak with Phineas. Please wait here.” 

“Who Matilda?” Meatball asked Aesop, with a cock of his head. 

“She’s the deputy headmistress. She’s also Garreth’s aunt.”

“Meatball LOVE Garreth!”

“I know.” 

They waited a few minutes and Matilda came back to her office. “Well, he’s agreed to meet Meatball. But he’s also quite drunk. So I suppose now is probably your best chance. Come with me.” Aesop put Meatball back in the bag and they followed Matilda to his office. 

“Remember Meatball, don’t rush at him or you’ll scare him. Baby steps.”

“Meatball be baby.” 

They walked into Phineas’ office and he was sitting at his desk. “Alright. I’ll see your snake.” 

Aesop set the bag down on the desk. “Phineas, this is Meatball. He won’t bite you, he’s very friendly, and he likes you a lot.” 

Meatball slithered out of the bag and sat up, looking at Phineas. 

“I suppose it is sort of cute in like, a mildly horrifying way.” Phineas looked at Meatball.

“Hello!” Phineas jumped backwards and fell out of his chair.

“Holy shit, it can talk!” They helped Phineas back into his chair and he was gaping at Meatball.

“Hello little friend!” Phineas said, examining the snake.

“Hello leader!” 

“Leader? Well, he’s quite intelligent if he recognizes my status.” Phineas was still full of himself even when he was three sheets to the wind.

“What call you?” Meatball asked.

“I am Phineas Nigellus Black.”

“Long name.” Meatball flicked his tongue. “Call Phineas?” 

“Yes, you may call me Phineas.”

“Me Meatball!”

“Yes, we’ve met on several occasions.” Phineas said with a small smile. 

“Meatball think you WONDERFUL!” He slithered closer. 

“Go ahead and pet him, Phineas.” Aesop said. 

Phineas nervously stuck his hand out and Meatball slithered to it and bumped his head against Phineas’ hand. He flicked his tongue across his hand and Phineas chuckled. “Alright, that’s enough.” He sat back in his chair. “Now Meatball. I’m alright with you visiting on occasion, but we have some ground rules. Do not follow me into the bathroom. Do not go into my private quarters. In fact, it would be best if you spoke to Matilda when you wanted to visit to make sure I’m available, I’m quite busy, you know.”

“Ok!” Meatball said happily. 

“Alright, good. Now, I’m going to retire for the evening. Go on now, go home or wherever it is you go.”

“He’s with me for the time being. Goodnight.” Phineas put Meatball back into the bag and they all left. 

“Well, I’d say that went quite well, wouldn’t you?” Matilda smiled.

“Better than I expected.” Aesop smiled. 

“I thought Meatball belonged to Mr. Gaunt?”

“He does, but he’s out of town. Miss Carlisle was watching him but had to step out for a bit and asked me to watch him since SOMEONE is a flight risk.”

“Meatball sorry.” Meatball said from the bag. 

“Thank you, Matilda. Have a good night.” Aesop smiled and he and Abraham headed back to the staff tower. 

When they were about to climb the stairs, they ran into Melody. “Oh! I was about to come look for you!” She smiled. 

“Melody. Why are you covered in soot?” Aesop looked at the poor girl. Her clothes were burnt and smoking, her face had a layer of gray soot, and she looked as if she’d been in a fight.

“Uuuuuuuuuum.”

“Hello Melody!”

She jumped and looked at the bag. “Meatball?!”

“Meatball missed you!”

“I missed you too! How is he talking?!” She looked between him and Abraham. 

“You answer my question first.” He said with a glare. 

“This looks like a family dispute. I’ll be on my way! Goodbye, Mr. Meatball!”

“Bye Grandpa!”

“Grandpa?” Melody asked. 

Aesop sighed. “We’ve had an eventful evening. Don’t change the subject.”

Melody was chewing on her lip. “Blasting curse gone wrong.”

“Wrong answer.”

Melody groaned. “Fiiiine, you’re a human lie detector. I broke into a dragon fighting ring and released a Hungarian horntail and she was a bit crabby.”

“You WHAT?!” 

“Someone had to do it!”

“Not you!”

“Then who?!”

“An officer of the law!”

“Guess what, I saw a few there! Betting!” 

Aesop’s face fell. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. You wouldn’t believe the people I saw there. And what they were doing to those dragons…I knew they’d be close by tonight. But I freed her. I have another small problem but that’s for another day.”

“I feel like it’s not a small problem at all.” Aesop said with a glare. 

“She left her egg behind. I couldn’t leave it for the poachers!”

“MELODY!” Aesop’s hands shot up to his hair. “Are you INSANE?!”

“What was I supposed to do?!”

He exhaled before speaking. “Where is it?”

“In my backpack.”

“Jesus CHRIST!” 

“On that note…can you watch Meatball again tomorrow while I track mama dragon down?”

“You’re going to kill me. You’re actually going to kill me. I am going to DIE because you keep finding new ways to terrify me!” 

“Would you calm down?!”

“No! I will not calm down! Because you are sixteen years old and have absolutely no regard for your own safety!”

“But-”

“No buts! You will give the egg to me and I will find a way to get it back safely. I’m proud of you for wanting to do the right thing but this is bigger than you.”

“You’re proud of me?” Melody smiled. 

“Of course I’m proud of you. You intercepted a dragon fighting ring and freed a dragon. I don’t even know if I could do that.”

Melody rushed forward and hugged him. He awkwardly patted her on the head. “And if you ever do anything like it again, you will be in SO much trouble.”

“Are we sure he’s not her real father?” Dinah whispered to Abraham and Mirabel. They were watching over the railing from two floors up.

“He’s her father now. That’s what matters.” Abraham smiled. “They needed each other, I think.”

They watched the two of them continue to talk and he handed over Meatball and she handed over her bag with the egg. She left and he looked up just as they ducked out of sight. “I could see your shadows. I’m disappointed in you, Dinah, you were an auror too and should know how to hide better!”

[satansindexfinger]

Can you do the Brothers and Undateables reacting to an MC who called God sky daddy?

Author's note: ahsjdjdkf this is hilarious, thank you for requesting! It feels so weird putting the fancy banners and everything for something this silly lmao

Warnings: none

Crack; gn!mc

Everyone's Reaction To You Calling God 'Sky Daddy'

Lucifer

"... Pardon?"

He knows for a fact you did not just call his father sky daddy of all things. It takes him a moment to process it.

He visably cringes and rubs his temples, annoyance evident, "Please, for the love of everything, do not refer to him that way ever again."

What would even posess you to do that? You humans really are an enigma Lucifer can't decipher.

He couldn't look more disgusted if he tried.

Mammon

"Huh? W-who are ya callin' that?!"

Relax, Mammon. God isn't their side-hoe. It's not the type of daddy you're picturing. It's a joke.

"Damn, why didn't ya just call him by his name... yer really weird, yknow that?"

Now he's jealous. Why does God get a goofy nickname and he doesn't?!

Leviathan

"LMAOOOOO"

Thinks it's hilarious. So what if it's his dad? That was a good one, MC!

Boy is well-versed in obscure internet slang so nothing can surprise him on that front. Won't dare to use it himself but... okay, maybe when it's just you two.

He really wants to fit in okay? Probably has his own fair share of memes relating to The Lord (tm) and will send you every last one.

Satan

"Thank who?"

Did he hear you right? Is this some weird type of human word play? Even his big brain needs a second to connect the dots.

"Huh, I've never heard that alias of his before. Well, he is on the upper realm, and he is technically the father of all things... I suppouse it makes sense."

Doesn't pay any mind to it after analyzing the connection. He thinks it's a weird way of saying it but you do you, MC.

I lied. He so keeps that in the back of his mind to use when Lucifer is around just to piss him off.

Asmodeous

"Oh, MC! I didn't know you had quite the mouth on you! How blasphemous!"

Gasps like the drama queen he is.

Good job, you've turned his cringy flirt mode on. Now he won't leave you alone.

You might want to reconsider your word usage around this bitch next time.

Beelzebub

Whomst? What?? Sky who?

Doesn't get it, doesn't ask about it. He thinks he didn't hear you clearly over the sound of his munching.

Will look at you like a confused dog and cock his head, hoping you'd explain. If you do he will just nod. Like it's the most normal thing he's heard all day.

"Ah, you mean Father." Whatever. Back to your guys' scheduled sixth meal of the day.

Belphegor

"Sky daddy? Really? Could you be any weirder about him?"

If you pay close attention you can hear his subtle snicker. Come off it Belphie, you think it's hilarious.

Would absolutely call his maker sky daddy if they ever met again. Shame he's probably permanently banned from the celestial realm.

Look me in the eyes and tell me he hasn't attempted to call God weird ass names to his face before.

Joins Satan in his quest to piss Lucifer off by calling their father that.

Diavolo

Congrats, you've stumped the demon lord himself! .. For a split second. Then he lets out a laugh like he's just watched the funniest stand up on Netflix.

"You're just full of surprises, aren't you, MC? What an odd nickname!"

Thinks it's charming for some reason. You little humans and your interesting choice of words! How cute!

"Does that make me ground daddy?"

Diavolo please.

Barbatos

Ignores you. No reaction from this killjoy right here.

Okay, maybe he finds it just a tad amusing. Won't show it though. He might mention it in passing while he's having tea with Diavolo and chuckle a bit about the blatant disrespect you have the balls to show, but that's about it.

Or so you think. Motherfucker will drop it in conversation when you least expect it.

"It's a good thing we heard the timer on the oven this time. I suppouse we can thank Sky Daddy for this?"

It sounds illegal coming out of his mouth.

Solomon

"Daddy Jay-Z really has blessed us today."

Will play along with it. Man gives zero shits. Remember, this is the same dude who wanted to call Michael Mike.

He already knows he's going to hell shall he become mortal again so why not drag his favourite MC down with him?

"May the cloud son-in-law and holy poltergeist help us one day too."

You two are a walking menace.

Simeon

(Let me upload the banner you piece of shit site)

Look absolutely scandalized. You might as well have murdered Luke right infront of his eyes.

"M-MC!! That is highly disrespectful! Please watch your language, especially if Luke is around."

Knows you were probably trying to be funny but mans is whipped for holiness. Relax, he knows you probably didn't know any better so he isn't mad.

Just a bit dissappointed.

Won't lecture you further but will sigh and look disapprovingly if you ever did it again.

[breathlesslink]

Chapter 3 — Protection

[chapter warnings: slight harassment, self doubt]

t.o.c ; << | >>

"This is for you."

"Should you really be giving a kid a knife?"

"Hush. It's for her protection. I trust that she'd only use it in emergencies, isn't that right, Kimi?"

"Yes! Only if bad guys come."

Link stood behind you with a look of horror on his face as Kimi held the dagger delicately in her palm, turning it every way to inspect it. You crouched in front of her, only able to take in your little sister's face for the last time in a while.

Every little move had Link jumping, ready to snatch the blade away from Kimi and tend to a wound, but he didn't know one thing.

Kimi had been handling weapons since before she could even walk. You remembered having to pull a scimitar away from her little toddler grasp before she tried to chew on it like a teething toy, the Yiga who was watching her having given it to her to stop her crying.

You had full trust that Kimi, now at 11 years old, was capable of safely handling the dagger you'd gifted her.

"Do you really have to go?"

Kimi's puppy-dog eyes shined with tears as her question brought you from your memories. You bit your lip, your heart aching at the thought of having to leave her with Ameil.

"Yeah, Ki. We've got stuff to do— finding Hiro too!" You forced a smile. "Stay safe for me, I'll be back as soon as I can."

"And you'll bring Hiro with you?"

"And I'll bring Hiro with me. I promise."

You wiped at your eyes, giving Kimi one last hug before she hid the knife in her waistband and turned around, heading home.

Ameil and Laslow didn't know she was with you and Link at the Inn, the events from last night making them ban her from seeing you again. However, Kimi— who's always been the sneaky sibling— slipped through her window early the next morning and made her way to you. Nobody could keep her away from her big sister.

You had told Kimi to keep her back turned when she went home, and you would do the same, to make parting ways easier. It was a shame they had to happen so fast.

You didn't realize you were staring at the now-empty space in front of you until you felt Link's gloved hand on the small of your back. You blinked up at him and forced a watery smile before turning around as well and heading towards the gate where Taz and Epona were waiting.

"It's about a day and a half journey to the Domain. If we get going now, we'll probably be able to stop at Dueling Peaks Stable for the night." Link talked about the plan to try and distract you further.

"Good idea." You mused, "I don't think I'm ready to give up beds yet."

Link laughed. "One of these days you'll have to. But the good thing is that once you get to sleep on a bed after sleeping on the ground for so long, it feels extra relaxing."

"I'm sure!" You started thinking back about Link's past— how he went from the Princess's appointed knight to some clueless, feral homeless man. "I bet you had the nicest bed ever in the castle."

"I don't remember it, but I bet I did too!" He sighed wistfully, but you could see his smile drop ever so slightly. "I wonder what it would have been like if I could have actually protected Hyrule. Like, if I didn't fail."

"It doesn't seem like you failed to me," You shrugged, "Hyrule isn't destroyed yet."

"Because of Zelda. After they put me away, she was the one who confronted Ganon. She's still in the castle, fighting him. She's been holding him off for 100 years, waiting for me." You could tell Link was getting frustrated, so you pulled Taz closer to him. You laid your hand on his, which was gripping Epona's reins tightly. Link immediately began to relax.

"Well, that's what we're doing now. We're helping her, and once all the beasts are free, we fight Ganon!"

"Correction. I fight Ganon. You're not going anywhere near the Divine Beasts or him."

You roll your eyes, "I bet I can do more than you think I can."

"I'm sure, but this is my burden. My old friends already died because of me, I'm not going to let you have the same fate."

"Fuck fate, we make our own destiny."

Link just shook his head, still grinning at you. "I wish it were that easy."

When traveling with Link, the hours seemed to pass like mere seconds. Unlike when you first met him, he became easier and easier to talk to and joke around with.

It was nice to have someone new around.

You wondered if being with only your siblings for so long, and then just the Gerudo women had stunted your social skills, but you supposed not. That, or Link was just as strange as you are. It would make sense, seeing as though he hadn't talked to anyone for 100 years.

However bad your social skills were, they surely were improving as you both talked nonstop. Before you knew it, you had passed the Cliffs of Qince and Ash Swamp once more, heading towards the stable. It wasn't much longer until you'd stop for the night, and you were grateful.

"So," You took a moment, worried that you might breach a touchy topic, but you were curious. "What will happen after you kill Ganon?"

"If I kill Ganon." Link corrected. "And I haven't thought about it, I guess. We'd have to rebuild. Make sure everyone is safe and the country can get back on its feet again. If Impa is right and Zelda is still alive in there, we'll at least have a Queen to guide Hyrule."

You nodded. You were curious about his plans. You knew the plan you were always taught— once Hyrule was wiped out completely, the Yiga hoped Ganon would return Sheikah technology to its rightful owners and give them solace amongst the chaos of the monsters. They would finally get their revenge against the Hylians. After all, the Yiga were only created for those who despised the Hylians for exiling the Sheikah race and shunned those who turned away their technological advances.

But seeing Link's side seemed almost sad to you. The Yiga were so filled with hatred and malice towards Hyrule— to the point that they sided with someone bound to betray them— and yet Link just wanted to help people. He wasn't doing this for himself or for a title, but for the good of everyone.

"When Zelda comes back, will you go back to being her knight?"

The question, and idea itself, left a weird taste in your mouth. You weren't sure you liked the idea of being separated from Link. Even in such a short time, you'd enjoyed your adventures by his side. Maybe you could be a knight, too.

"If she asks, then yes. I'm still the Hylian Champion, so I suppose she'll appoint new champions for the beasts too and we'll prepare in case anything new happens." Link shrugged, tugging on Epona's reigns to veer her to the left. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I still need to do so much more before we get there." He pointed to the stable ahead, "Go check us in, I'm going to the shrine nearby. I ignored it last time I was here."

You nodded and pulled Taz away from Epona. They seemed to get along well, too, neighing and whinnying at each other while you and Link talked amongst yourselves.

You boarded him up and purchased two beds— soft, because Link made you paranoid about not getting another bed for a while— before grabbing some ingredients out of your satchel and throwing them in the pot. A prime meat and rice bowl sounded amazing right now.

You stirred all the ingredients into the pot and let it simmer for a while, sitting on one of the stools to let it cook. Link wasn't back.

Some time passes. You scoop the dinner into two bowls and place one on the stool beside you. You decided to wait a bit longer. Link still hadn't returned.

The sun slowly began to set. Your bowl was still full— your stomach was beginning to cramp from hunger and you had to eat soon. Link's dinner was cold. He was nowhere to be found.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing up so late?"

You opened your eyes, one brow lifted confusedly. You hadn't even noticed they were closed. "Just waiting on my friend. He's late."

"Well, it's very ungentleman-like to leave a lady waiting for so long. Say, I'll keep you company until then. The name's Eziel."

The owner of the voice pulled a stool beside you and you finally got a glimpse of him. He had short, dark hair and beady dark eyes, not super muscular but not super skinny either. Just an average guy, but there was something about him you just disliked.

Not your cup of tea, that's for sure.

"I'm okay, thanks though." Your words were short and pointed, trying to get across that Eziel was unwelcome.

"Ahhhh, c'mon Miss. I'm just trying to get to know you. What's your name?”

At this point, Eziel was nearly facing you entirely and he was leaned towards you, delicately reaching out a hand to try and touch your knee. You were ready to just knock his lights out, but you didn't want to cause issues and lose your beds.

"That is none of your business."

Link's voice appeared behind you and Eziel and you could have cried in relief. Eziel, however, didn't share the same sentiment and glared at Link.

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"And who are you? Her boyfriend?"

Eziel had stood up at this point, strutting over to Link with his chest puffed up in an attempt at intimidation. Link didn't speak, instead choosing to subtly rest his hand on the hilt of his sword. Eziel's eyes followed, and he laughed.

"Pathetic. I've got a sword too. What are you trying to do, battle over her?"

"If it means you'll leave her alone, then yes."

Link's hand was fully on the sword now, ready to pull it out at any moment. You stood up and rolled your eyes, getting annoyed at whatever this little spat was, before shoving Eziel out the way and standing in front of Link.

"Go away." You spoke slowly.

"No."

Right after he spoke, Eziel reached out to grab you. You blocked his arm and threw it to the side, countering with a punch that knocked him to the dirt. Eziel looked up at you with pure anger in his eyes.

"Leave us alone or else I'll do worse." You were tempted to spit on him for good measure, but didn't get the chance. Eziel rolled his eyes and stalked off, both his ego and cheekbone undoubtedly bruised.

You shook your shoulders to loosen up and turned back to Link with a grin on your face. His own face, however, showed the complete opposite.

Your smile fell. "What?"

"You could've gotten hurt."

"Nah," you brushed it off, "He was all talk. I knew I'd be able to take him. Now come on, I'll reheat your dinner-"

A hand grabbed your wrist. "You should've let me handle that. I'm supposed to protect you."

"Link. Did I not tell you when we first partnered up that I could protect myself?"

"You also said you'd stay out of trouble."

"Trouble is my middle name, I'm used to it. That's why I can handle it." You genuinely didn't understand why it was such a big deal, so you shrugged it off again and stoked the fire, putting Link's bowl back on it.

Link stayed quiet for a few minutes as you finished reheating his dinner, only speaking to thank you. You sat on the log beside him, watching the flames of the fire.

"I'm sorry for making it seem like I don't trust you to handle things." Link set the bowl down. "I just don't want anything to happen. I'm getting used to not being lonely anymore, I don't want that to happen again."

"I get it, really. I don't want anything to happen to you either. That's why I jumped in again at the end when that guy was trying to get physical. You've got a big mission to finish, you can't get laid out by some jerk at a stable."

Link laughed. "If you think he could take me out, I'm offended. I can't believe you think so lowly of me."

"I don't! It's a pride thing, too. It was my battle, so I wanted to finish it."

Link nodded in understanding. "Bed time?"

He stood up and held his hand out. You grabbed it and let him pull you up from the log, following Link into the Stable. You put your stuff down and got ready for bed, but couldn't help but glance out of the corner of your eye. Link stood in front of your bed with his back turned to you, arms crossed over the front.

"Is everything alright?" You asked, lowly enough for only him to hear.

"I just don't feel comfortable with both of us being off-guard with this guy still around."

You rolled your eyes, smiling slightly at Link's protectiveness. "It'll be okay, I promise. If it makes you feel any better, we can take turns staying up tonight. Deal?"

Link looked at you for a moment, then sighed. "Deal."

[harrypotterbrainworms]

Best Not-A-Date Date

Summary: Arataki “Ever Oblivious to His Surroundings” Itto doesn’t realise you’re taking him on a date.

Pairing: Arataki Itto x Male Reader (No gendered terms used or described so take what you will)

Word Count: 2618

A/N: Dedicated to all my Itto mains out there, I have slowly gained in the confidence to start writing again. I hope you enjoy it!! Also how many Arataki “____” Itto can I fit into one fic.

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅

“One more time.” He held his hands out towards you, a determined fire in his eyes. You rolled your eyes, you glanced over as a few restaurants started turning on the lanterns outside.

“Fine.” You mused, holding your hands out as well. A few people stared at you as you entered the tenth round of rock, paper, scissors. He’s lost every round so far, you found it cute the first few times, thinking he was losing on purpose so you could choose where you were going. Though by the sixth round you quickly realised that he was pulling the same thing whenever you won in cards. “One more round.” He said, leaving him with no more snacks to bet and sulking in the corner before you feel “too full” and give him half of your “hard earned” snacks.

“One more.” He groaned holding out scissors to your rock, you smiled a little annoyed. His fist rested on his palm once again. You crossed your arms, refusing to play again, you won fair and square after all. It’s what you’re owed. He looked at the ground, kicking his feet on nothing. He wasn’t Arataki “Make you feel bad for winning against him, but you can’t help it” Itto for nothing.

“Itto.” You warned, you just really wanted to eat now. You both have been standing there for the better part of 10 minutes playing this endless game. You were growing very impatient for this date.

“Just one more., please (Y/N)? Pretty please?” He begged, playing his puppy dog eyes on you, on any other occasion you would have given in, but you had a particular location in mind for your date. Uyuu Restaurant, you had saved up all of 2 weeks of odd jobs for Itto. 

“Just admit I won.” You pat his shoulder in a comforting way, mockingly of course. He knew how to play his cards, but he always managed to give what he was hiding.

“Mhmmfine.” He finally gave in, sulking a little bit as you walked up the path toward Uyuu. He stopped a few times assuming that you were going to choose one of the usual spots, but your eyes were locked on your destination. 

When you arrived at the doors, Itto looked like the blood had drained from face, the gang rarely ate here. It was expensive and for a short time Itto was banned. You urged him to join you inside. “Are you sure I’m even allowed in here anymore?” He whispered to you. 

“Don’t worry, I checked and you’re all good. Here!” You pointed to the two lone bar stools in the back. “Perfect! I thought they might have been taken” You sit on the stool closest to the wall, waiting for service, Itto settling in next to you.

You both started talking as waited to be served, nothing too involved, just some ideas Itto had for the gang. Something about hitting the new “Mondstat tourist market” having met a strange green bard a few weeks back, advising him about the “True Mondstat Experience” before you could get too in depth about this new “business venture”. A server cleared his throat, looking at you.

“What can get you two?” He smiled, pointing above him for the menu.

“I’ll have a beer.” He said politely, trying not to disturb the buzzing atmosphere of the dinner hour.

“Make that two beers and some Tri-Flavored Skewers to start us off?” You looked at Itto for confirmation and he nodded warily, a little dizzy thinking about the bill already.

Before you had a chance to continue talking, there were two beers and a very delicious platter of skewers awaiting in front of you.

“A second round after we finish these?” You added, pointing at your drinks. The server nodded, continuing to take orders from the bar.

“Nothing better than beer and skewers” You said, bringing your hands together, rubbing them in anticipation. You grabbed one, tearing off a piece and sighing at how good it was. Couldn’t get this quality at a cheap bar outside the main city. Itto grabbed one and bit his fangs into it from the side, you intently stared at his teeth before looking away. You felt flushed and you hadn’t even touched your beer yet.

“So that bard, right? Voice of angel I swear. Almost fell asleep the minute he started a tale. Definitely not because it was boring, but that voice!” He added emphasis where needed, as animated as ever. “Something about him really draws you in.” He added, nodding as he took a huge sip of his beer. You nod along to his tale, only interjecting with questions about this mystery bard from Mondstat. 

“Enough about what I’ve been doing, tell me where you’ve been? I haven’t seen you for more than a few minutes this last month.” He frowned, tilting his head to the side. You choked slightly on your drink, hoping he wouldn’t ask. You clear your throat with his eyes completely focused on you.

“I’ve been working mostly, keeping records for the warehouse while the festival was going on.” You feel slightly boring compared to Itto’s grand time at the festival, ending up in the hospital where you visited him the next day, flowers in hand and a small bag of his favourite candy.

“Run into some money trouble? The Arataki Gang always asks for help, remember that.” He was frowning again, this was more frowning than should usually happen on a date.

“No, nothing like that. I was just saving for this.” You said, looking away.

“For this?” He asked, still missing the point. “For dinner with you.” You added, blushing as you took another sip of beer for your nerves.

He nodded, turning to face the bar, waving the bartender down for refill, thanking the Archons that the beer seemed to hide blush. “For me?” He chuckled, somewhat humbly, flustered and flattered that one of his most trusted friends and members would go to such trouble.

“Yeah, for you.” You said softly. As if on cue, your server returned asking for your dinner orders. Without needing to ask Itto, you order Tonkotsu Ramen for him and Butter Crab for yourself, you deserved it. 

“You don’t have…” He said, a little more shy than before. “I can just have the Udon Noodles, I don’t want you to spend that much.” He shook his head, his hands waving the suggested meal away.  “Nonsense, it’s so good.” You smiled, sending the server on his way and getting your second refill.

You and Itto were practically drooling by the time the main course arrived, having had an extra beer each while chatting away. Itto thanked you profusely, declaring that he owes you next time before digging in. You started chewing away at the criminally delicious crab, the meat soft and buttery in the perfect way. You both enjoy yourselves, you try desperately not to disturb fellow customers every time Itto had you in stitches.

“And then you wouldn’t believe who I saw-” He whispered low against you mid story, sending shivers down your spine. 

“Who?” 

“General Kujou Sara was in line RIGHT next to me, I almost had a heart attack, thought I was trespassing the line for the limited Ms.Hina merch sale.” He added, still low in your ear, this voice was making you light-headed with the added beer.

“No.” You said, shocked. Itto’s eyes glinted, he loves telling stories and you would say right now in your buzzed state that he was better than whoever that bard was.

“Yes! Except she wasn’t in line for Ms.Hina like I was, but a limited Shogun figure!” He said, his facial expression exploding with the surprise he had on his face that day. You laughed, taking the final bite of your meal and finishing off your beer just after Itto had. 

“That hit the spot.” You sigh, stretching and yawning. “Let me walk you home:” Itto laughed, asking for the bill, you nodded. This was probably the best first date you’ve had in a while. Itto felt a bit embarrassed looking at the sizable bill, watching you drop your hard earned money on a twenty five thousand mora meal. You just thanked your server, taking Itto by the arm to leave.

With full stomachs and hot cheeks you both left Uyuu, you suggested some dessert on the way back and Itto nodded pointing out a food stall with relatively cheap dango. 

“Two Tricolor Dango, please!” You said, pulling out your wallet before Itto cleared his throat stepping in front of you.

“Let me cover this.” Itto interjected, pulling out some mora before you could even protest, giving the vendor the money. “You paid for dinner, let me cover it.” He took the dango from the vendor, turning to you with a smirk. “Wouldn't wanna tarnish my Arataki “Always the Gentlemen Even if He’s Kinda Broke Right Now” Itto reputation, would I now?” He said, handing you one of the tri-color dango. 

You moved your party down to the taller walls around the food stall, sitting together with your feet dangling. Itto nudged you to look over at him.

“Thank you for dinner, (Y/N). Don’t remember the last time it was just us.” He said before taking one of the spheres into his mouth in one go, chewing away happily. “It was a good time, Haha!” He laughed, cheeks full of dessert. You took a bite as well, chewing and swallowing unlike the oni.

“It really was a nice date, Itto. Thank you” You add look up at him for a moment, the moon reflecting in your eyes. You look away bashfully, chewing your dessert much less loudly than the big oni next to you. Regardless of the hiccups, it was a lovely day you recall. No one seemed to make you laugh as much or made you feel as safe as he did, it was only natural to finally ask him out. When you looked back at him, his cheeks were full of his second treat already, his eyebrows raised in shock.

“Thifs wath a dae?” Itto asked, mouthful of dango, he swallowed hard. “Archons. This was a date.” He repeated to him, a deep blush settling on his cheeks. He felt suddenly embarrassed by his usual behaviour. If he knew this was a date, he would’ve doubled the Arataki “Hopeless Romantic, but refuses to admit it even to himself” Itto charm, maybe bought you flowers and not insisted on winning the stupid rock, paper, scissors match. “Why didn’t you tell me??” He abandoned his last dango next to him, turning to you and taking your hands in his.

“I thought you knew” You laughed a little, your clear amusement making him even more embarrassed. “I did say “Hey, you want to go out for dinner?” and when you were already running to invite the entire gang, I stopped you.” Itto bowed his head down to hide his face in your hands, now very aware of your implications earlier that day. “I’m an idiot.” He whined against your hands, you could feel how hot his face was. 

“Hey you’re not an idiot, I should’ve been more clear.” You lift his face up to stare into his fiery red eyes. “Why don’t we start from scratch?” You smiled softly, watching his expression change from, frankly, cute sadness to hopefulness. “You really wanna still go out with me after this?” He searched your eyes and you laughed to yourself, he really was the sweetest (and only) oni you’ve ever met. “Now you’re being an idiot, of course I do.” His demeanour lightens up, grabbing your hands excitedly. He stood up and dragged you along with him which wasn’t hard considering how goddamn strong he is. 

“Hey! Slow down, big guy” You gasp as he marches with determination you’ve only seen in the toughest of beetle battles, you resign to your fate, being dragged through the streets of Inazuma City. You whip past closed restaurants and stalls, the city quiet, save a few cicadas in the late summer air.

“Here.” He stopped, letting you go finally. You rub your arm a little, frowning before you look in front of you, Itto smiling proudly as you look over the calm water. “What do you think?” He shrunk into himself after you didn’t say anything, scratching the back of his neck. “Itto, I-” It was beautiful, you didn’t quite have the words to say, so you sat down on the ground. You urged him to join, patting the spot next to you.

“This is beautiful. I don’t think I’ve been here this late.” Your hands are glued to your lap, afraid to make things weird for the oni, though he seemed content just sitting there together. “I come here to think a lot..” He stared up at the moon, relaxing with you in his presence, letting his usual mask slip. “Just about things, ya know? Life, Granny, The boys… You.” He admitted the last thing while staring at the ground, careful not to let you see how flustered he was.  “You’re surprisingly introspective.” You chuckled softly and in a moment of confidence you slipped your hand to his.

 “I hope you have no complaints about me!” You blurted nervously, laughing stiffly toward the end. “No, no.” He laughed too, the vibrations landing deep in your chest. “All good things. Promise.” He squeezed your hand and looked at you, a wide grin on his face. 

Watching the eternal cherry blossoms fall into the water, you sat silently together. Probably for the first time since you met Arataki Itto, he had nothing to say. He was just happily watching the small cat across the water play with the floating blossoms on the water, his thumb rubbing small circles around yours. 

“Itto?” You turned to him, putting your other hand over his, trying to grab his attention,

“Hm?” He questioned, not taking his eyes off the moon, his red eyes holding a beautiful reflection in them.

“This not-date-date was great.” He nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on the sky, the stars more visible since you arrived here, you took your hand away making him frown a little, but you cupped his face bringing him closer. He held his breath as you forced him to face you, his eyes darting around your face. “What’s u-up? Something on my face or somethin’?” He said nervously, you rolled your eyes, facing your body toward him.

“Can I kiss you?” You asked, his eyes lit up, his mouth about 2 seconds too fast for his brain as he nodded. “Am I dead? Did the Shogun strike me down finally? I think I might be in heaven!” He rushed through his sentence, dramatically holding his hand to chest to feel his heartbeat.

“Shut up and just kiss me, idiot.” You smile and roll your eyes, you give him a chaste peck on the lips before he pulls you in deeper, humming into it as you locked lips. He felt warm as he snaked his arm around your wait, pulling you close to him. 

You squeaked in surprise when he lifted you up, putting you on his lap, hugging you tight. “Never wanna leave.” He murmured into your chest as he engulfed you. You kissed the base of one of his horns, Itto hummed in content, melting into you.

You stayed like that for a while before a chill settled over the night, you going to tough time explaining to Shinobu why you both were out this late without telling anyone, but why worry when Arataki “Officially Numero Uno in Your Heart” Itto was rubbing circles into your back?

[happyk44]

Jasico prompt for @butt-puncher based off this tweet

---

Leo peered over Jason's head. "Who's XghostkingX?" His chin came to rest on Jason's shoulder. "Sounds likely a freaky dude."

Jason swiped away the notification and kept watching the dog training video Piper sent with the caption "You" and a pink heart emoji. "Just this guy who sends me recipes." Jason frowned as the video ended and typed a quick rebuttal back at Piper that just because the dog was a golden retriever did not mean it was him. "I don't know him."

Leo's breath went hot against his cheek. "Then why," Leo said, drawing out the "I" sound for as long as his breath lasted. He rolled over, locking his head backwards over Jason's shoulder, face to the curling and finally inhaled. Coughing briefly, he continued, "is he DMing you?" Leo flicked his cheek. "What, he is a potential booty call?"

Jason scowled. "I don't do that, Leo."

"You should," Leo huffed. "I got pegged on Tuesday by a hottie boom-booty and her boyfriend. All with the sweet send of a "You down to clown?" meme."

Rolling his eyes, Jason shifted ever so slightly and grinned when Leo slid off his shoulder and crashed to the ground. "You give all aroace people a bad name."

From the ground, Leo swatted at Jason's ankles. "Just because I don't get the attraction part doesn't mean I don't know what good feels like. And there are some angles only the thick fingers of a college football player can hit, alright?'"

Jason snorted and opened up Instagram. He switched to the messages section and clicked the top one. A link to a recipe popped up. Above it were a thousand other recipe links. No messages, no words, no comments.

Just other people's posts.

Jason didn't know who this Nico guy was. It was spring break in his sophomore year of high school. His step-mom dragged them all out to some meditative retreat that banned all use of electronics. It was supposed to be some kind of spiritual cleanse. All Jason remembered was doing yoga, eating really bland meals, and Thalia sneaking out of their room through the window in the middle of the night and coming back six hours later smelling like weed and wearing someone else's bra.

She had a lot more fun than he did.

But when he finally got his phone back, he had twenty-three messages from XghostkingX, all recipe posts from different accounts. He checked out the account, trying to figure out who "Nico" was. But the account was private. He checked out the recipes too. They weren't weird. Seemed like completely normal recipes. Bread, pasta, Mexican dishes, Indian dishes, pastries, keto, high protein, vegeterian. Pretty much everything except Italian.

Which Jason found interesting. He wanted to ask about it but...

He turned and flashed a sprawled out Leo the messages. "They're just recipes. He started sending them to me when I was on that no-phones thing with my family."

Leo snatched the phone from him and begin scrolling at top speed. "Wasn't that, like, five years ago?" Jason shrugged. Leo stared at him unamused. "Seriously, man? And you haven't said anything?" He shook the phone. "You don't even know this guy!"

Jason reached for his phone but Leo rolled away, spring up to his feet. "Leo, give me my phone."

"Just one second," Leo said, very clearly typing something.

"Do not talk to him, Leo!" Jason shouted, shooting out of his chair and towards his best friend.

"I'm just gonna hit him up!" Leo yelled as he scrambled away on his gangly twig legs. "See what's up!"

Jason grabbed a pillow off his bed and hurled it at Leo through the doorway. Leo squawked loud, without dignity, as it beamed him in the back of the head and knocked him down. Darting through the doorway, Jason threw himself over Leo. All the air fwooshed out of his lungs.

Grunts and grounds filled the air as they wrestled for the phone. Leo curled inwards of himself. Jason rolled him over onto his back. Leo kicked at him. Grabbing at his legs, Jason pinned him down and started tugging at his arms. He ripped the phone of Leo's hands and sat on his chest in retaliation.

Leo spread his hands behind his head and fluttered his eyelashes, before wheezing, "Why, why Mr. Grace, you're so forward."

Jason shoved his foot in Leo's face. Leo shouted and slapped it away with spluttering indignation. "Fuck off and suffocate, Valdez." He turned to his phone. His heart exploded in his chest. Panic induced upwards his throat. "Oh my fucking gods, Leo." He shoved both his feet into Leo's face again, kicking at his jaw.

Ignoring Leo's protesting yells, Jason scanned the string of messages in the chat. The first one started off okay. Yo, who is this? Then they slowly began to deteriorate into complete nonsense. Probably as Jason and Leo were fighting over the phone.

Crap, crap, crap, he thought, as he began typing out apologies.

Sorry for that, it was my friend, he was wondering why you keep DMing me even though we don't know each other. He sent the text and closed out of the app before planting both feet beside Leos face and flaring down at him.

Jason bonked him again then twitched as his phone buzzed. The notification read XghostkingX sent you a message. Leo squirmed under Jason's weight. "Did he respond? Is he telling you why he keeps sending you messages? Is he hot?"

Leo batted his eyelashes Sweetly. Jason bonked him on the head with his phone. "I am going to eat you one day, Leo."

"I don't care what you do to me, so long as I get to come first," Leo said.

Jason swatted at him as he opened up the text.

Haha, no problem. I was wondering when you were going to say something. I'm Nico. Sorry for all the recipes. I was sick with the flu and couldn't remember how to save them to my notes app. I meant to send them to my sister, but I messed up on her username. I'm dyslexic. Powered through it but it does get worse when I can't think straight. Actually using speech to text right now. Filling in the punctuations after the fact. Anyway, you never said anything so I just kept saving there here to refer back to. Kind of easier than opening my notes app all the time to be honest.

Another text popped up. A picture this time. Followed by a series of more pictures. All of food. Jason recognized some of them from the recipes he'd clicked through out of curiosity. The plating was different. A little less professional, but they looked just as good as they had in the videos.

Some of the photos had a cute boy in the background. He presented the plates with a shy look on his face. His dark shaggy hair was pulled back in a few photos.

Some of my successes, the next message read.

Quickly Jason texted back, Is that you?

Yeah, Nico's reply read. My sister took them to send to my grandma in Venice. I usually just photograph the food. I have other pictures on my page. You can follow if you want.

Jason didn't hesitate before replying, Okay.

He clicked Nico's username and hit the follow button before waiting patiently. A second later the page opened up for him. Nico had a lot of pictures of food, dogs, paintings. There were few pictures of him as Jason scrolled mindlessly through his accounts. The ones that did feature him were always flocked by two other girls - one white and tall, with a braid tucked over her shoulder and fierce eyes, the other short and black with a wide smile, typically tucked under one of their arms.

Jason clicked on a picture of what looked to lasagna roll-up but much fancier and sent it to the chat. That looks good. I don't remember seeing a post for it.

That's my grandma's recipe, Nico typed back. It's a chicken cannelloni. Trade secret though. Can't give it to you. There was a brief lull before another message popped up. But I could make it for you, if you're interested. Make up for spamming you these last five years. Laughing face emoji.

Jason paused. Then, Does it travel well? Who knows if the USPS will keep it fresh.

My dad lives in the Bay Area, Nico replied with a laughing face emoji. And I'm here for the next couple months. Another brief pause while Jason's mind caught up with the air in his lungs. If you didn't want people to know where you lived, you shouldn't post pictures of yourself at university. Congrats on your win by the way.

A deep heat crossed Jason's face. So Nico had checked out his page? What did he think of the personality Jason exhibited through carefully selected photographs and captions? Did he think he was cool?

Beneath him Leo was still struggling and wheezing. Jason ignored him as he typed. I'd be creeped out, but that cannoli thing looks too good, so yeah, why not?

Nico's reply was a cute smiley emoji. Here's my number, he wrote. Call me when you wanna come over. Takes a while to make the pasta from scratch but I'm sure I can keep you entertained. Another smiling emoji.

Jason swallowed around his rising emotions. Sounds good. I'll let you know when I'm free.

A thumbs up and another smiley face.

Finally, he slid off of Leo's chest and landed on the hardwood floors. Leo inhaled dramatically then coughed rapidly before flipping over to his stomach. He groaned as he pushed himself up to his knees. Jason exited the chat.

"So, you getting that dick or what?" Leo drawled. Jason shoved him back as he laughed deliriously.

"Shut up." He pushed up to a stand and dragged Leo off the floor. "He's gonna make me one of his recipes."

"Ahh, dinner date."

Jason cuffed Leo's shoulder before wrapping him in a headlock. Leo laughed boisterously and didn't fight back. Instead he licked a long line down Jason's arm. Jason rolled his eyes and pinched his ear before letting him go.

"It's not a date." He smoothed down his shirt and began looking through his calendar. "He's just trying to make up for spamming me these last five years."

"Uh huh," Leo said, with a twinkle in his eyes that Jason sometimes loved and sometimes hated.

"Yeah, uh huh," Jason muttered back.

Another notification popped up. Without a second thought, Jason clicked it. A picture of a small cake with elaborate icing work and chocolate drips. Nico was in the background, crouched low so all you could see was his face, flour in his hair, a little bit of icing smeared on his cheek. He was smiling wide, eyes glancing up at the person taking the picture. Underneath the photo were the words, For dessert?

Jason hearted the photo immediately and wrote, Sounds good. It looks delicious.

Leo leaned over his shoulder. "He does look pretty delicious."

Jason swatted him away, cheeks burning. "Fuck off, Valdez." Leo cackled behind him before jogging back into Jason's bedroom. Jason turned back to the photo. Nico did look really nice. Messy in a cute way.

Maybe if Jason played his cards right, he could score more than a free dinner and a cute dessert.

[sikeydelic]

the meow meows playing minecraft :3

plus headcanons because i need to get this out of my brain:

-fyodor would only want to do speedruns or hardcore— he finds minecraft so boring without the challenge. he doesn't care about speedrun.net that much because, if he really wanted to be at the top of that list, he could probably bribe and hack his way in pretty easily. definitely the one out of the three who plays the most (total epic gamer). sometimes (usually because nikolai asks him to) fyodor will hack servers and cause chaos for a little bit before he gets banned (for, like, the 300th time). probably knows how to make super complicated redstone shit but he hardly ever does. favorite biomes: plains, deserts, warped forests

-nikolai causes destruction everywhere he goes. when playing on servers hes a griefer, and when he plays alone/with his friends he just tortures every mob imaginable. prefers to play in creative, and will fly/glide around exploding stuff. he sets villages on fire and watches all the villagers scream and run around in pain and then laughs really loud about it. makes pits of animals that are so densely packed they start dying. he also stretches the game to its limit, spawning in so much stuff that it completely glitches out. the kinda guy to make a huge wolf army also. can entertain himself with this for a little while, but eventually he gets bored and goes to do something else. favorite biomes: coral reefs, nether wastelands, plains

-sigma never plays, but sometimes fyodor and nikolai are playing and he thinks it might be fun. definitely the "what's (insert basic minecraft thing)" to fyodor's "you dont know (insert basic minecraft thing)??????" never got the game explained to him (fyodor and nikolai both immediately ran off to do their own thing) and kept dying over and over. everyone got annoyed at him asking "how do i sprint?" "guys wait why cant i get over this (jump)" "whats this weird green thing why is it hissing at me" "how do i craft an axe" etc. eventually he figured it out and became a builder, every time they played making really cute little houses. always has at least two dogs and one cat that he cares for a lot. probably builds a farm but then gets too attached to the animals to actually kill them. prefers to have long lasting saves in easy mode that he'll build cooler and cooler builds on. eventually tries to recreate the sky casino. uses aesthetic shaders and always has really nice looking skins. favorite biomes: lush caves, flower forests, taiga.

the chat would just be like

<NIKOLAIAIAI> EEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA

XxDostovxX has made the achievement [Getting an Upgrade]

<NIKOLAIAIAI> AHUVORNWH[BREOWJRBOEJRNBFNN[RVJEFF EKSN H

sigma1111 hit the ground too hard

XxDostovxX has made the achievement [Acquire Hardware]

<sigma1111> im confusd what just happened\

XxDostovxX has made the achievement [Diamonds!]

<NIKOLAIAIAI> dieded

<sigma1111> qwat

sigma1111 tried to swim in lava to escape zombie

XxDostovxX has made the achievement [Nether]

[xxcatzladyxx]

Demon Slayer Advent Calendar | Day 22 | Sanemi x Reader | Game Night

Written by me!

~~~

It was a peaceful evening. While the snow poured down dancing on the ground and covered everything in white, you sat inside with your fiancé and a few of his friends in the warmth of the Wind Pillar mansion. You had suggested having a game night. You were used to your family inviting friends and family over in the cold days of December and playing a few board games. So Sanemi invited 2 pillars, the trio and, with a heavy heart, his brother too. You had prepared small snacks, which the Flame Pillar almost single-handedly devoured. But you weren't angry about it. You didn't know Kyojuro any differently.

You were all sitting together at a big table. You thought the game 'Ludo' suited your fiancé Sanemi best. You weren't quite sure whether he understood the meaning of the game. There were eight of you and you split into four teams of two, as there were only four colors. Sanemi and you, Tengen and Kyojuro. Tanjiro and Genya. And Zenitsu and Inosuke.

Luck wasn't on your side today. Your players were thrown more than they came out of their shells. They didn't get much further than the first corner either. You put the blame on Sanemi. After all, he chose the cube. You couldn't see it, but a volcano was boiling inside you. You wrote a note to yourself that you would rip Sanemi's head off after the evening.

Sanemi naturally vented his anger. You had played countless rounds and you had always been the absolute losers. In all those rounds, you hadn't managed to get a single player to the finish line. You vowed to burn the game after that day and never touch one again in your life. Sanemi was furious. Your nerves were on edge.

You picked up the board and held it up to the face of the pillar of wind. His curses and insults fell silent. He looked back and forth between you and the board, confused.

"Can you read the name of the game...Sanemi?" you asked him, rather annoyed, and literally spat out his name.

"Don't get angry." was his curt reply.

"Aha, very nice that you can read...Then why are you doing the exact opposite?" You were on the verge of losing your nerve. "Sorry...", Sanemi said meekly.

A laugh rang out. Kyojuro couldn't help it. That drove Sanemi up the wall and your anger at Sanemi evaporated for the moment. "Yes, laugh as long as you can. Next time you'll be sick of it." That only made them laugh louder. You slammed the board down on the table and the pieces rolled off the tabletop and scattered to all corners of the room.

"Grrr." you growled, ruffling your hair. If there was one thing you hated, it was losing. You didn't want to tackle the others like that. But you were a bad loser. You just couldn't handle it. The others realized it was time to go and said goodbye to you until only Sanemi and you were left. You collected the pieces and angrily threw them back into the box where they belonged and banished the game to the back of a cupboard.

"I'm sorry. But it's just a game..." Sanemi began, but was interrupted by a death stare from you. He felt a chill run down his spine. He closed his mouth and thought it best to keep quiet before he regretted it. You were done with today and just wanted to go to bed. Like a dog, your fiancé followed you wherever you went. When he tried to set foot in the bedroom, you slapped his bedsheets at his feet.

"D- darling...?" You were visibly angry with him, but the fact that you wanted to ban him from the bedroom scared him a little.

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight, my friend!" You pushed him out of the room and slammed the door in his face. You open it again for a second. "Oh, there's no sex either."

That hit him hard. Poor guy. He needed the sex to calm down again. With his head bent, he went to the couch and threw himself down on it, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't know this violent reaction from you. He didn't know what to do. Should he leave you alone for the night? Or should he dare to enter the lion's den? Should he or shouldn't he? Yes or no? These questions ran through his head the whole time until he finally fell asleep. So were you, until midnight.

Suddenly you wake up and reach for the sheet next to you. You pat it down. Sanemi wasn't there. Then you remembered the game night. You let your face fall into the pillow and sighed. The anger at the pillar of wind had vanished into thin air and you felt quite lonely in the futon. You wanted to be in Sanemi's arms. To feel his warmth. You struggled out of the sheets and trudged to the living room. You melted when you saw Sanemi. The blanket was more on the floor than on him, but he looked so cute when he slept. You didn't hesitate and sat on his hips. You opened his top completely and traced his scars with your fingers. You found him so sexy with his scarred body.

"What's it going to be when it's finished?" Sanemi's dark, rough voice snapped you out of your reverie.

"Um...make-up sex?" You kept stroking his chest with one finger and looked at him shyly. His look at that moment was golden. He looked at you in bewilderment. He hadn't expected that. It would be stupid of him to refuse. He grabbed your hips and spun you around.

"Do you think you deserve this?" he breathed into your ear. Pleasant goose bumps spread across your skin.

"Y-yes...?"

"Do you want it the soft way or the hard way?" He kissed along your neck and his hot breath made you flinch briefly. The question was pretty superfluous. Both you and he liked it a little rougher during sex. But he could also be gentle and tender. If you wanted to be. But you weren't the type for cuddly sex. You both suited each other very well in that respect.

You two had sex even though you two aren't married yet. That was only because Sanemi doesn't want to marry you until all the demons have been destroyed and you can live in peace. Basically, you're as good as married already. After all, you were living together and sleeping together. Sex was used for Sanemi to relax. Just like that night. So you both got over your bad mood and everything was peace, joy and harmony again.

[whumped-by-glitter]

The Morning Dasa's Life Began to Change

CW: institutionalized slavery, captivity, bondage

here is a very whumpy excerpt from chapter 2, it takes place the morning of Annika's birthday. I am working on edits still, so aspects may change slightly by the time I post the entire chapter.

word count: 2,066

The slave, who was only called dog, stood spread eagle in his master’s front yard, his arms and legs held taut, and outstretched between two pillars, bound by a force pulling at the bands on his wrists and ankles. two bars were slid through brackets, on both pillars, one at his throat, one at the back of his neck to deter any forward or backward slumping. His well-defined muscles were far past the point of screaming from lack of movement, His black, medium length hair was matted with days of sweat and grime. He'd lost count of how long he’d been out there, 3 days maybe? His master would show up three times a day to beat him and force him to eat. He was never starved for punishment, like the other slaves, because he was being trained to resist, properly identify, and neutralize poisons. Missing meals would mean missing doses, which could screw up any resistance he’d built up, which had taken almost 20 years to establish. He was only being held here, this time because a younger slave, referred to as boy, was stealing food. Dog had taken the blame, to protect the starving kid, who was banned from food because their master’s lazy son Balor was not pleased with how long it had taken Boy to buy more snacks.

The sun began to rise, and the people of the Fief had begun to move about. Some of the passers- by would look at him with pity. Others would poke fun at his predicament, or giggle. Some of the Arcturian children would throw stones or mud, from the gutters, at him. Dog was insensible and numb to all of this by now. For the Drar, such treatment was commonplace. He was an enslaved people.  The position Dog now found himself in was his master, Corvius’s, favorite punishment for him.

The Drar were a race that had incredible physical strength, and heightened senses, like wild animals. They were actually the only race of Balthia that did not possess any magic, in fact they were more sensitive to it being used on them, but their senses and strength more than made up for it. Even their eyes looked animalistic, amber yellow with slit pupils. They also boasted incredibly fast healing, however, dog unfortunately did not, likely due to the poisons he had to drink every day. Dog was also not as strong as other Drar probably for the same reason. He was stronger than the Istrians and definitely stronger than Arcturians though.

As the sun rose higher dog started to grow concerned. Master Atheris should have been outside by now. Did Corvius forget about him? Did Corvius decide to just leave him out here, and to start fresh, with one of the younger slaves? Doubts whirled through his head, which was bound to happen when he had nothing to do but think. It was like torture, to suddenly change a routine when he was in such a vulnerable position.

Finally, after hours, Boy appeared. Relief spread through Dog, followed immediately by confusion. Then Boy started to slide the bars out of their slots, which confused Dog and caused more than a little bit of panic to arise in him. “Wh-what are you doing?” dog asked, in hushed tones, his voice cracking a little, which betrayed concern for the younger slave.

“don’t worry, I’m on orders to get you cleaned up, I’m not helping you escape” Boy replied. He showed Dog Balor’s ring. Boy gave a wry smile when Dog sighed in relief. Boy released Dog's ankles. Then he released Dog’s wrists, first his right, causing dog’s body to slump back, onto Boy’s waiting shoulders. “Why do you do this to yourself?” Boy asked, “you would almost never be punished, if you weren’t constantly defending the rest of us” he said, releasing his other wrist, causing dog’s entire body to crumple and boy had to help him to the ground so he could recover for a moment. It was a relief to allow blood to start flowing back to his arms.

Dog shrugged in response “because, I know how much these suck, and it hurts me a lot worse than the actual treatment ever could to see someone else go through it.” He replied pensively, revealing what might be his biggest weakness, “besides, someone’s gotta look out for all of you. now shhh, you know we aren’t supposed to talk to each other”, talking, between slaves, was strongly discouraged not just by Corvius, but across the board.

Boy gave another wry smile as dog flexed, trying to restore blood flow to his stiff limbs, his muscles aching from prolonged disuse. Boy doubted their master had even realized how fitting the name “Dog” was. Dog was loyal to a fault, almost to the point of being stupid. As the oldest slave in the household, he always took it upon himself to look out for everyone else and protect them from Corvius and his lazy son Balor. The other slaves would sometimes jokingly call him Maso, short for masochist.

Once dog could at least stand, boy half dragged him into the bathhouse, to begin getting him cleaned up. Dog was dreading the cold water, when he realized it was warm. He had never once had a warm or even lukewarm bath. He closed his eyes and melted into it. It felt amazing on his still stiffened and somewhat atrophied muscles. Boy had to help him with his hair, as he still could barely lift his arms. To Dog’s surprise, Boy used real shampoo. This really started to concern dog, as normally, on the rare occasions they were allowed to bathe, it was cold water and only a bar of soap.

After he was cleaned up, Boy handed him a towel and brought in some clean clothes. He then carefully bandaged his still bleeding and thoroughly battered body. When dog started to dress, his concern grew, ‘what was going on?’ he thought. The fabric was soft and clean. The garments were new and had no holes at all. It was a simple black tunic and breeches, with red edging. Dog dressed quickly, not wanting to dawdle too long and get Boy in trouble.

A few minutes later Corvius waltzed in, followed by his portly son, who came waddling in after his father. Dog immediately knelt and bowed his head to the floor, a gesture of humble submission and obedience. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite lawn ornament” the old man sneered.

“And snack retriever!” Balor added dumbly, trying, and failing dismally, to parrot Corvius’s sneer.

Corvius walked around dog, assessing him, “that’ll have to do” he muttered before wrapping a blindfold over Dog’s eyes. Corvius was strictly averse to his slaves making eye contact, even by accident, with any free person.  It wasn’t uncommon for him to just blindfold them, when they were going to be around nobles. In fact, he had trained them, for a couple hours each evening, to function and even serve as usual, while blindfolded. It wasn’t unusual for slaves to wear lace coverings over their eyes, as the nobles found the Drar’s yellow, slit pupiled eyes, quite unsettling, however, Corvius took it to an extreme. “Get up, come with me dog” he ordered sharply, and dog rose, as gracefully as he could and followed obediently, sensing Boy’s eyes watching him intently, as he left the room.

He followed Corvius’s menacing tapping, as he’d put metal plates on the bottoms of his shoes to make himself more imposing. Dog wouldn’t need them to follow his master though, as the Drar have extremely good senses and their sense of smell is was keener than most wild animals. The same was true with hearing and sight, and Dog’s were even more developed from years of training. He could operate the same way, blindfolded or not.

The three of them got into a carriage. Once inside, dog took a spot on the floor, as he was not allowed to sit on the seats, as they were reserved for free persons. to Dog’s shock and surprise, Corvius, whose presence he could detect by scent alone, began to remove his bands one by one. The surprise must have registered on Dog's face, which was another taboo for slaves, because he received a painful prod from Balor with his ring, who sniggered wickedly. Dog dropped his face and resumed his usual void, neutral expression, once more. He fingered the skin around his neck, bands were put on the Drar from birth, so it always felt foreign not having one. ‘It isn’t time for resizing my bands, what is going on?’ He wished Master would tell him.

Then, one by one, they were replaced. However, these bands smelled different. They were of a different metal, gold. He began piecing together, bit by bit, what was going on at that point. Gold bands were strictly for slaves belonging to Royalty.

“hand” Corvius ordered coldly.

Dog obeyed and held out his hand, readying himself for the finger stick. It always made him jump a little for some reason, and attuning the stones was a little painful.

Corvius stabbed his finger hard with a needle. He then roughly squeezed out a drop of blood and pressed it to one ring until Dog let out a hiss, then repeated the process for a second ring.

These bands controlled the Drar’s whole lives. They were linked magically to a ring or rings their owners wore. The rings were simple with a small red stone on it. The stone was linked directly to a specific slave. The bands would cause immense pain if the slave even thought about disobeying, same with touching their own ring, and being too far away from their master. Any ring, the same status or higher could make the bands bind or unbind. This was to protect against rebellion. So, anyone with a gold ring had pseudo control over any slave. The Nobles, with their silver rings, had some command over silver and brass banded slaves. The commoners, with brass rings, only had control over brass banded slaves.

Although the bands only forced them to obey their master, they were still expected to obey everyone or face punishment. The only exception to this being if a command from someone else interfered with their master’s orders. It was a tough line to walk. Dog especially felt bad for brass bands, sometimes poorer communities would share slaves, to do work in the fields. The thought of having maybe a dozen owners made him shiver. However, he had often heard that they weren’t treated as badly, so maybe it wasn’t as awful. Dog had been a silver band. Silver and gold had to be always on point and were often used for entertainment, which often exposed them to more wanton cruelty. He himself had been used in a number of blood sports, which were referred to as “games”.

When the carriage stopped, Dog was ordered to exit. Before leaving, he was stopped by Balor, who placed gold irons on his wrists connected, behind his back, by a chain just long enough for him to reach about 6 inches in front of him, the same was done with his upper arms, but this chain was shorter, which kept his Upper arms at his sides. The two sets were connected vertically to prevent him from stepping over the chains and bringing his arms to the front, not that he would attempt it anyway. Dog was obedient to a self destructive degree.

Dog was led into what seemed to be a ballroom, based on the number of people and the amount of echoing that reverberated off the chamber’s walls. “Kneel, dog” Corvius growled, as he positioned him near the back of the room so that Corvius could go mingle with the rest of the nobility and elites. Dog obeyed, and gracefully took his place. He remained so still, that several women thought he was a manikin at first. That was another pet peeve of Corvius’s, excess fidgeting and swaying, even Dog's breathing had to be measured.

The sounds in the room suddenly changed, some kind of ceremony was beginning. Dasa’s chest tightened, he still didn’t fully understand what was going on and desperately hoped he wasn’t about to be entered in game, his body was still too stiff and sore.

taglist: @whumperofworlds, @3-2-whump, @wounds-seen-and-unseen, @aryox

Masterlist

[queeniecook]

June 19

Sometimes there's only so much pipe organ music a being can take.

James had just returned from his second walk around Forgotten Hollow for the day, the sound of the Count's haunting music was driving him insane. So far he had kept his mouth shut, rare for him, for some reason. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he's mind has been elsewhere. He's not making as much progress as he'd like in his quest to cure vampirism. It's aggravating him and Asa both, for different reasons. Liberty had finally indulged him in a martial romp, that increased his mood quite a bit, but nothing could make the constant sulking music better except for it to cease.

Count Straud sits in his normal place, at this favorite pipe organ. He likes the one in the basement too but this one is his favorite, he's had it since he moved into the estate and has it had maintained well over the countless years. Every since that vixen Lilith Vatore had found a way to ban him from her grounds, he's been in a dark mood. Darker than usual. He doesn't like being denied anything, especially something his undead heart actually desires. He hasn't seen her since that night, she's oddly been keeping to her home or visiting who knows who.

"May I have a word, Count Straud?" James beckons, actually using his manners. Vladislaus almost misses a key at the sudden request and cringes.

"Since you asked politely, very well." the ancient vampire responds, slowly rising from his seat after he finishes his song. He follows the warlock downstairs.

"What's eating you, Vlad?" James questions, not that he cares really but if it stops the music for a while, that would be a delight. 

"You people have such strange lingo sometimes..." Vladislaus grumples, nothing could "eat him" but after thought he figures out what James is actually asking him. "None of your business, warlock."

James smirks "Look, you have no friends. No one to talk to. I'm actually offering an captive ear to you, so you might as well just spill it."

"I rather spill your blood all over my rug instead." The Count bites back. 

James actually has a good chuckle at this, which annoys the vampire. "We both know magical blood is too tempting to just spill."

Vladislaus almost huffs at James laughing but keeps his composure in tact. "I'm not telling you anything."

James watches the vampire seated by him and then it hits him, he smirks again. "The spell on the Vatore estate is bugging you, Lilith has blocked you from her home and from getting into her pants." this earns him a glare from Vlad, which James enjoys. 

"How do you know about the spell?" The count asks, still glaring at the warlock. 

"I happened to catch it being cast." James replies, not naming Dakota though it's a bit obvious who did the spell. 

Vladislaus almost grinds his teeth together in anger. A little warning would have been nice but then again, why would James warn him? That would be odd.

Straud is tired of talking about himself, so he flips the conversation to James instead.

"Shouldn't you be off trying to steal the Vatore spawn or something?" He asks James, he sees a flicker of annoyance go across the warlocks face which makes Vladislaus feel accomplished. 

"Firstly, you can't steal something that hasn't been born yet and secondly, why does everyone thinks I'm going to do something to this kid?" James asks, rubbing his head in boredom more than annoyance now.

"Maybe because you hate Caleb and enjoy poking and prodding him when you get the chance?" the vampire supplies as an answer. 

"Fair point. I admit, I've enjoyed watching them get their little guard dogs in a row and get all ready to battle me if I try something." James says, running his fingers through his silky hair. 

Vladislaus nods, he knows if it were him, he'd enjoy it as well but something inside him wants to know if James is going to try something merely so he can warn Lilith. It's her nephew or niece they are talking about.

"They can have their little crying brat. My goal has been accomplished without really even doing anything." James comments before rising to leave. He's done with this conversation. 

[imagionationstation]

Okay, so…

As I was in the mist of ✨emotions✨, my explanation skills were barely sub-par, and I gave a lot of people misconceptions to my thoughts on the episode “A China Town Ghoststory”.

So let’s try and fix that.

The episode itself is okay as a fill-in ep that doesn’t have anything to do with the season plot-wise, though it’s existence didn’t really seem necessary, other than an early acknowledgment that ‘impossible spiritual powers do exist so be ready’, which set me up to accept explanations on the unexplained and impossible, like Vision Quest and Leo’s Healing Hands.

Spiritual insanity simply exists. There’s no more to it than that.

And I appreciate that they introduced it without a clichè, “by the way they suddenly have magic as a big plot-point even tho it hasn’t existed at all until now! Why? Oh, I dunno, it’s in their blood or something I guess.”

We got a casual introduction by a villain that only ever comes up once more in all five seasons. Respect. 3/4 out of five stars.

The one aspect that always boils my blood when it comes to this episode, however, is the fight scene between Donnie and his brothers. The first time I saw this episode, I did not understand how they went from trying to kill Donnie, to- Oh, look, let’s go get some pizza! (As my new-to-turtles mind interpreted it).

I was extremely confused, and continued to be confused for the next few watches. Then, at one point while doing research, I saw the scene from Donnie’s eyes, and not from the eyes of a viewer. And I was even more mortified by what I saw.

The way this scene plays out really feels like (note: I’m saying ‘feels like’ and not ‘definitely is’) the brothers were choosing pizza over Donnie. The episode was kinda insulting, the way they go through this whole insane battle, throw him out of a tornado, and then just… Go bicker over pizza? Really?

It makes sense when you lay it all out. The brothers are acting as brainwashed guard-dogs. Donnie is a danger to what they’re guarding. The only way for Ho Chan to keep control is for the brothers to not recognize who it is they’re hurting. The spell makes them see him as a danger, and they don’t fully comprehend that they’re about to end a brother’s life while serving an evil sorcerer.

There’s nothing dangerous or threatening about pizza. It’s something they love, and something they’ve been known to bicker about. If the brothers are in there subconsciously fighting back, it would make sense that they would give into the urge to go after the pizza pies and stop serving their ‘master’. Use the brainwashed aggression to fight over pizzas, or assault the brother who wants to help the captives that you’re guarding. Easy choice.

No matter how you look at it (whether they have some control or they have zero control), it would make sense that they’d go after the pizzas.

Still.

Still.

This must be horrific to witness from Donnie’s POV. Super-powered brothers all banning together to fight you to the death, and every instinct in your being is like “well, I can’t kill them!”- so you’re forced on defense the entire time. One wrong move and you’re dead, and it’ll be at their hands- and it doesn’t really look like they’re fighting back. They’re hurting and chucking and attacking you, seemingly willing to kill you without a second thought, and it’s like they don’t even care-

And for this big brain boy and his canon insecurities, Donnie is going to be overthinking this one moment way more than he should be for a long time.

The way that he still hasn’t picked himself off the ground when Casey reaches his side, and then has to lift him up to snap him out of a shocked stupor- well, that says something to me.

I feel like this episode could have and should have played out differently, but I know many people wouldn’t agree.

To summarize:

…..

I KNOW IT’S A CARTOON AND SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY AND ALL

I REALLY DO

BUT FROM A REAL PERSPECTIVE THIS IS TERRIBLE

WHY THE WRITERS HAVE TO JERK AROUND HIS EMOTIONS LIKE THAT, HMM?! 🥺

My rewrite of this scene is here