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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 12 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Funsies)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

After locking Wei Wuxian into some comically large chains, Wen Chao has him thrown into the dungeon, with an unpleasant surprise.

This Fucking Dog

Being a fan of The Untamed involves occasional second-hand embarrassment, like when they fly on their swords, or the zombies all have the same wig, or a fight sequence moves slower than everybody’s granny. It's ok because each of these things is offset by excellence in acting, story, costumes, weapons, sets, etc.

Then there's this fucking dog.

The department of questionable practical effects really outdid themselves with this thing. Just seeing this awful creation on screen gives me so much cringe squick I can barely look at it. But for you, dear readers, I FORCED MY EYEBALLS to watch the entire dog sequence OVER AND OVER. Then I applied some brightness adjustments and looked at it EVEN MORE.

Let's get desensitized! I’m going all in on this monstrosity.

First, this dog does not ever move its body or its feet. Its legs are totally immobile. It appears to be made of a big sawhorse with a stick for the neck. The head swings up and down and side to side. That’s it.

“Animatronic” is too generous of a term for this thing. The animatronics at Chucky Cheese learned to play musical instruments and host birthday parties decades ago. This dog cannot play an instrument and it has to wait for Wei Wuxian to walk over to it before it can attack him.

When it falls over after Wen Ning K.O’s it, it’s like a chair falling over. It just topples to the side, legs sticking straight out.

(more after the cut)

Next, It has a mouth full of teeth, which opens and closes. And it has drool the texture of Astroglide Extra-Thick Gel. But...no tongue.

Seriously you guys, it literally does not have a tongue. They just sculpted a little bump at the at the bottom of its mouth, despite dogs being known for, like, lolling their tongues out of their mouths at every opportunity.

Moving along, it has dull, lifeless eyes, and its eyelids are visibly disconnected from the rest of its head, like a doll that mechanically shuts its eyes when you lay it down to sleep.

Finally, its fur looks like a fucking muppet, and it has random shiny spots all around its eyes and lips. These are probably supposed to be body fluids of some kind, but they just look like someone was careless with the cra-z-glue.

Xiao Zhan gamely tries to act opposite this ridiculous fail prop, but there is nothing remotely scary about it.

Here is Wei Wuxian being scared. I replaced the animatronic dog with a reversed clip of my dog Pepper asking for a piece of cheese, and I think it looks more convincing this way.

Ok, let's be done with this stupid fucking dog. Wen Ning knocks it out, Wen Chao criticizes it in the morning, and nobody ever speaks of it again.

Wei Wuxian is so mortified to have endured this farce that when Lan Wangji asks him, much later, “why are you afraid of dogs?” he does not say “don’t you remember that time I got chewed on by a giant animatronic dog at Wen Chao’s place?” but instead pretends that this never fucking happened.

Wen Ning to the Rescue

For contrast, the next dungeon scene is a really touching and important encounter between Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian.

Wen Ning comes and knocks out the creature, and gives Wei Wuxian medicine.

Wen Ning is doing this in defiance of his clan and his sister, simply because Wei Wuxian is his friend. Yes, he feels indebted, but Wen Qing saved WWX’s life once, so the tally is already even. Wen Ning is just super attached to Wei Wuxian, and vice versa; WWX calls him Wen-Xiong in this scene.

When Wen Ning explains how to use the medicine, Wei Wuxian changes the subject to ask how WN and his sister are doing. He is bleeding, chained up, high on adrenaline and fear, and what he really wants is to hear how his friends are doing. When Wen Ning talks about Wen Qing’s troubles, Wei Wuxian wishes she would accept help, instead of always going it alone.

Wei Wuxian thanks Wen Ning formally, and tells him no words can express his gratitude. Whether this is a literally correct translation, the gratitude both of these young men feel toward each other transcends words. It will become a driving force in both of their lives as they save each other from increasingly awful situations.

Wen Ning tells Wei Wuxian about the burning of Cloud Recesses....the burning of the half we never visit. It would suck to damage that exquisite set, so I’m ok with that production choice, but creates some cognitive dissonance when characters get upset about the fire.

Wei Wuxian reacts to the news of Lan Wangji’s injury by punching the concrete floor of the dungeon, which is dumb but also highly relatable.

After Wen Ning leaves, Wei Wuxian decides to save the medicine for Lan Wangji, who might not even need it, while WWX is bleeding right now and definitely needs it. No matter how bad things are for him personally, Wei Wuxian is always thinking about ways to help the people he loves, and constantly seeing his own needs as less important than everybody else’s.

Breakfast Time

After his night of terror and maiming, Wei Wuxian emerges as chipper as ever. Almost like he is already an expert at hiding his trauma from the people close to him.

Lan Wangji gives him a careful look, taking in the sight of his ripped clothes and bloody neck and hands.

Jiang Cheng is angry at Wei Wuxian for joking about his injuries, so he shoves him, potentially causing more injuries.

Wei Wuxian laughs off the signs of torture and attempted murder and everyone goes along with it. Nobody knows what happened to him other than "dungeon" and what he looks like right now, and they’re all just like, okey dokey, I guess you’re fine.

He’ll carefully laugh off his months in the burial mounds in the same way, later, and Jiang Cheng will accept it nearly as readily as he accepts this. But by that time Lan Wangji will see right through him.

Nie Huaisang mentions the Lan Clan in the course of discussing breakfast, and then everyone pauses awkwardly because they know that mentioning this will make Lan Wangji think about the recent attack on his home and the deaths of many of his fellow disciples. Whereas if nobody had mentioned it, he totally wouldn't think about it. That's how grief works, right?

Insult to Injury

Wen Chao decides to spend some time gloating about battles and insulting people's families, which he does with Wen Qing standing behind his eyeline so that she can warn Wei Wuxian not to let his brother go off.

Jiang Cheng is not going to let anybody who isn't his mother insult his father like that, but in a reversal of their normal roles, Wei Wuxian restrains him and helps keep him from doing something rash.

Monster Hunting

Wen Chao makes everyone read out loud until Nie Huaisang wisely faints and gets carried off. Then he gathers everyone for a monster hunt. It's unclear why he wants to go monster hunting but he sure does, and bringing the hostages along might make them all die, which would be a nice bonus.

The cultivators wander around en masse in a small section of forest, thoroughly covering every inch of it. This is a great way to hunt for a dead body but not so good for living prey.

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng stand around like bitchy queens at a dance club, talking smack about Wen Chao and his girlfriend.

Wei Wuxian brings out a salty phrase and Jiang Cheng wonders what websites he's been going to.

Dude. Lighten up.

Leave that Boy Alone

Wei Wuxian notices Lan Wangji struggling, and now that he knows the backstory, he's determined to help. Jiang Cheng is determined to stop him.

This is, once again, the fundamental disagreement between the brothers, and it's never going to be solvable. Jiang Cheng's specific dislike of Lan Wangji may be rooted in jealousy, but his belief in not helping outsiders runs a lot deeper than that.

For Wei Wuxian, there is no such thing as having helped enough. If someone is his friend, he will never stop helping them, and he has a lot of friends, and makes new ones wherever he goes. He's always going to be giving something of himself, to the detriment of any conflicting obligations.

Jiang Cheng tells him that Lan Wangji won't accept his help, and Wei Wuxian says that's not the point.

What other people think, want, say, or do, is not going to have any effect on whether Wei Wuxian does what he feels is right. This is a bit of a problem where a person's right to self-determination conflicts with Wei Wuxian's need to help them, as Jiang Cheng will eventually discover.

Jiang Cheng's least effective argument is the one he relies on most often when they disagree: other people's problems are not our responsibility. He's saying this to an orphan who was eating trash and stealing scraps from dogs before Jiang Fengmian came into his life.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem to realize the underlying logic of this argument. If it's wrong for Wei Wuxian to help the people he cares about, it was also wrong for Jiang Fengmian to help Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng loves Wei Wuxian and would willingly die for him, but he, like his mother, rejects the philosophy that brought them together in the first place.

Wei Wuxian walks away from an upset and shocked Jiang Cheng to offer a piggyback ride to Lan Wangji.

...who won't accept it, but who will remember the offer forever.

Writing prompt: Thoughts of an animatronic dog

Soundtrack: Five Nights at Freddy’s by The Living Tombstone

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #wangxian #chen qing ling #wei wuxian #giant animatronic dog #lan wangji #jiang cheng #restless rewatch the untamed #my gifs #canary3d-original #the untamed spoilers #embarrassment #this dog is why I started writing these #this goddamn dog

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stxleslyds · 4 years

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MY TOUGHTS ON PART ONE OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

Finally I have read part one of the Red Hood story in Batman: Urban Legends!

This story is very interesting, we start with the Red Hood looking for the people who are providing Gotham with a new drug. This drug “Cheerdrops” has been passed around for weeks at this point and it has had devastating results among it's users. If you know Jason you understand that drugs are a big issue for him and one that he treats very carefully and seriously.

As he interrogates people he arrives to the building where one of the dealers of this drug is supposed to be, there he finds a horrific scene, a boy is desperately trying to wake up his mother who appears to have overdosed in her bed. Jason is quick to call an ambulance and get in contact with Oracle in order to find the boy's father who is (as he finds out later) the man that he was looking for.

Jason sees this scene and can't help but compare it to the time he went through this situation with his mom all those years ago, so he takes the boy with him so he can take him to his father, who Jason is hoping is a good man that had to sell drugs in order to help his family.

That's basically the premise of this first part of the story but now i will write about my thoughts on the specifics of the story.

The story begins with Jason giving a speech about fear and how it's used,

"Fear. Its a tool, it's his tool. I never really adopted it, maybe because he kept that fear all to himself." Then he continues with "Never had to rely on it, had to work harder to take out the bad guys, had to be...more direct." he finishes that thought with "Rubber Bullets. So that fear doesn't get turned around on me."

I for one really liked this Fear speech, it does really sum up what the Batman does, he relies on the Fear that he imposes on Gotham's criminals and such while Robin on the other hand was never meant to work with fear, which is true.

It did remind me of the speech that Alfred gave in issue #10 of Under the Red Hood about how Batman works with fear and Jason had some thoughts on it, here is some of it,

"Master Jason had a condescending practice of referring to the costumed criminals elements as 'dress ups'. He also noted that such individuals did not fear the Batman the way street thugs and mafioso did. The 'dress ups' did not believe he was a monster." "...the boy did say something to me that chilled me to the bone...even then. 'They all know he won't kill them.'"

Anyway let's go back to the actual comic I am talking about...

Jason speaks from his position as Red Hood in current time and says that he uses rubber bullets in order to keep the Bat at bay, the fear that the Bat uses against other criminals cannot be used against him if he plays within the Bat's rules.

As he was doing that he was actually trying to get info about who is making the drug but all he was able to get was who was selling it to the person he was interrogating. This drug is dangerous and Jason has to work fast.

Here is where we see the first flashback scene, we see Jason in the cave before he was able to go out as Robin and he is not to happy about it. The art is very beautiful but sadly in these panels i found my first problem with the context of Jason becoming Robin and how Zdarsky seems to set Jason's feelings on the first Robin.

It seems that Zdarsky is going for the “Jason believed Dick was the perfect Robin and no matter what he did he would never be as good as him” route, which fine ok, that's your right but, is it really necessary? I must admit i am a little tired of this particular thing because i adore the fact that when Dick and Jason first met they were fine with one another (even if a little wary at the very start). And the whole competitive and “i will never be as good as X person” is really tiring in the Robin/Batfamily fandom.

That problem is not as significant as the next one though.

Jason not thinking that Robin was “badass”. Well this is not only a bad take but it's completely OOC for Jason, no matter how you see it. From his first appearance as Robin to the flashbacks in Winick's UtRH and even through both of Lobdell's runs Jason has always loved the concept and the mantle of Robin as a child.

Batman v1, #385.

So that whole take is wrong, i don't like it and also who on this or any universe would rather call themselves Batboy? Honestly i hope this is never brought up again or i will cry. ((((Also in this house Robin will always be the name that Mary gave Dick and then he used as his hero name so it hurts a lot more))))

Also at the end of this first flashback Jason discovers a room full of firearms and is obviously surprised because Batman hates those so he asks why he has them, B responds that he has to understand how they work for his detective work, but that's not all he says, he also says this “...Guns are a coward's weapon, and we will not be cowards.”

Alright Mr. Zdarsky i see the irony... i also see the Daredevil / Punisher thingie right there.

Anyway we are now back to the present where we see Batman seeing the effects of the drug in one of its victims, after saving that person he takes some samples of the drug. We also get to see two police officers with different views on the “masks”, that's a nice way to set the story after the Joker War and before the Magistrate.

Back to Jason, he seems to be struggling, he can't find the people making/providing the drugs in Gotham and is also doubting his skills, he tells a man that if the information that he gave him is incorrect he “will find him” followed with another internal speech full of self doubt, “...sure thing Red Hood, right now you can't even find a street drug. Half of Gotham's teenagers could find it no problem. You never were the best detective.”

Alright, so Jason feels insecure about his skills now? First you have pre-Robin Jason not feeling like he could be able to keep up with the first Robin and now, Jason as a grown man has doubts about the skills that he has used for a long while now? I mean, press X for DOUBT because UtRH showed us how much of a badass and extremely skilled he is. This man planed everything in order to turn the Bat's world upside down (and this story has references to UtRH so it definitely happened) and now he feels like he is not that good?

Shit. i know where this is going, first the insecurities that he has already worked out... I can see it coming, the next big thing will be Daddy issues. Wonderful i hate it and i hope i am wrong because those “issues” are more than resolved, i know that's the only trope DC throws at Jason but honestly how different will it be this time?

Fine, lets move on. Jason finds himself in one of the apartments and what he sees is horrifying. Lying on a bed there is a woman completely catatonic with a horrible smile on her face and right next to her a terrified little boy.

Here is the best take on Jason's character so far.

Realizing that the child is scared of the situation and the masked man that just came into his home Jason takes off his mask and reassures the kid that he is there to help, it's quickly made obvious that the woman has overdosed on Cheerdrops, he makes sure to call an ambulance for her stating that she seems to be in a drug-related coma.

Its important to note that Jason is doing this as he is having troubling thoughts about how much this scene reminds him of the time he was in this little boy's (Tyler) shoes. Its hard for him but he soon realizes that he needs to make sure Tyler is safe.

He asks Tyler if he has another parent, he does and his name is Andy, after taking a look around the house Jason deduces that maybe the father is also taking drugs so if the police comes they will surely take Tyler and put him in the system, this idea is not one Jason is fond of so he calls Oracle, he asks if she can locate Tyler's dad's phone, when she asks about the kid Jason says that he will be the one keeping him safe.

Now we find ourselves back with Batman where he is investigating the components of Cheerdrops, he finds out that the drug is a modified version of Scarecrow's fear gas that gives the victim a sense of extreme happiness instead of fear.

Here we get confirmation of when in the timeline this story occurs, which is after the events of Infinite Frontier (where there was an attack on Arkham and many patients/prisoners were killed or escaped).

B suggests to Oracle that maybe Crane didn't die there and that he might be behind this drug, he will be on the job right away! To this Oracle is like well shit, so she tells B that Jason is also working this case...and here comes a funny yet confusing interaction.

Barbara says “I know you two aren't exactly friends right now but...” before she finishes Batman interrupts her by saying “He is a killer Barbara. I will do this alone.”

OH BOY is this interaction confusing! First of all may i point out how different this conversation is from the one in Three Jokers where the roles were basically reversed??? Please tell me that i am not the only one who finds that funny! Anyway that story doesn't matter here, but Red Hood Outlaw from Rebirth does, right?

Here is the thing, the last person that Jason “killed” in rebirth was Penguin and he actually didn't do it, he had him trapped in a panic room in his own Casino. Batman already beat the living shit out of Jason in RHatO #25 for it...and some time has passed, B surely found out that Jason didn't kill Penguin by now, i mean isn't he like the best detective to ever detective in the history of the universe??

Not only that but Jason has been using rubber bullets for a while and even at the start he mentions that, he basically implies that he is playing by the Bat's rules to keep him off his back. Maybe B hasn't let go of the duffel bag full of heads or any of the shitty people Jason killed during UtRH??? If B still holds that against Jason then why would he try to make Jason part of his Bat clan at the beginning of RHatO Rebirth?

Maybe he still thinks that Jason killed the penguin...but even then isn't B working with Harley and Ghost-Maker? You know, people who have killed? Why is Jason different? Did Jason kill someone recently that we don't know about? Jason only kills a very distinct set of people (that are very not nice) so i guess i don't see the logic...

Anyway second flashback, and this time we have a look at what was going on in the Batcave with B and Alfred during the events of UtRH! Nothing that wasn't explored in UtRH is said here but we do see Alfred explicitly telling Bruce how much they failed Jason. There is a heavy insinuation that the fact that Batman keeps sending the Joker to Arkham only for him to escape and kill more people actually makes B responsible for those deaths and i love that. Thank you.

Back to Jason and Tyler we get to see some very adorable scenes between the two. Jason gives the lower half of his mask to Tyler to protect his identity like a superhero and we have a really sweet moment in which Tyler chooses the Blue Hood as his name because he likes the colour blue (same Tyler).

After he leaves Tyler in a place where he will be safe he goes to the building where Andy should be and let me tell you the more Jason sees the less hopeful he becomes about Andy being just one of the people selling the drug... He does some shooting and incapacitating and then follows the man that is trying to escape and here is when shit hits the fan.

Andy is a disgusting human being. He hates Tyler's mother and doesn't care that she might be dead and the piece of shit hates his son so much that he gave a barely 10 year old drugs.

Yeah. BANG BANG BANG MOTHERFUKER.

If you think that this leads to Jason being a little more like his UtRH self, you know the guy that said that people who gave drugs to kids will get killed without a thought...yeah that's not happening, here comes the guilt!

I get it he just killed a man, but, did you read what that man said?

Anyway that's how the first part of this story ends.

The story is good. it has things that don't make much sense but i think it's because Zdarsky is a Batman fan and not a Red Hood fan in the sense that he doesnt know much about Jason's character and that this is his first ever DC work.

I cant wait to see where this story goes, while i hope “unresolved daddy issues” doesn't become a theme yet again in a Red Hood story i believe it's where we are headed. I will keep on reading because i am invested in Jason and Tyler's relationship and what is going to happen now that Jason killed Andy.

Let me know what you thought about the issue and my post if you want! Bye!

#jason todd #red hood #red hood outlaw #batman urban legends #robin #batman and robin

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sagetsukimura · 3 years

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Dropping a Naruto drabble here, completely unedited for anything approaching coherence or clarity, because I doubt I'll ever actually do anything with it. Spelling errors abound, and I have. It been in this fandom in so long pleas forgive mistakes! Head cannons involved include...

Hinata Hyuga did not go quietly

Hinata Hyuga suffered nerve damage from electrical ninjutsu when she was kidnapped

This had lasting effects such as muscle weakness, trembling, numbness, and confusion

Her father does love her but is very, very bad at showing it and forgets that's positive affirmation is important to teaching

Politics are bullshit (how do page breaks?!)

Here's a secret only a dead man knew; Hinata Hyuga did not go quietly.

When they took her, when she realized what was happening, she was not quiet. She screamed. She yelled and threatened and howled until a painful blow sent her spinning into unconsciousness. A capable abductor knows to prepare silencing seals beforehand.

She screeched when she woke the next time, shoved in a corner of a dilapidated shed as her abductor peaked threw the cracks in the wooden walls, hiding from the search. He'd whipped around and hit her so hard she'd lost a tooth. She'd kept screaming.

He didn't hit her after that. It was the lightning instead.

She was uncouncous again when her uncle found them. Her shouts had done little good. When she woke the temors and stutters came with, and always, always, the feeling of a hand over her mouth and burning pain in her bones as someone said, over and over, 'stay QUIET'

She didn't feel safe after that. For a little while it seemed ok, everyone was very patient and kind. But eventually even that ran out. She took to long to recover from the 'scare'. It 'destroyed' her, 'look how frightened she is ot everything, she's trembling like a leaf!'

She shook so often, fumbled kunai with numb fingers, and stuttered, always stuttered. Frustration turned to contempt. Clan elders turned their hard eyes away to focus on her sister. Hinata was too fragile to be of any use, too terrible at speaking to act as any reputable kind of clan figure.

Father remained distant. He did not lighten her load any either. He only told her to try again, to get up. The last time was not good enough, she was to do better come the next. He did not, however, call her pathetic. He did not remove her status as heir. He did not coldly suggest she look into the more civilian directed aspects of clan relations, because surely she would be better suited? She may struggle to hold a kunai steady, but it still feels more right than any pen ever could. The leader of a Shinobi clan must be a Shinobi. In the days where the frustration boils away her patients and exhausted she imagines cutting off a kumo ninjas fingers. She is kind, she is not passive, she did not go quietly-

Some nights, when she was feigning sleep (it never came easily, always light, always watching, waiting, for rough hands and hard strikes) her father would come by late at night, after all his meetings, and stand in the doorway. Once, she swore she heard him half whisper, half pray. 'you are stronger than you think'

Father does not share her medical records. He does not let the elders know about the nerve damage. They will demand her removal, claim her too week. So she is pushed. Possible too far. And often. Her baths are tested with special salts and half her 'therapy' sessions are careful medics attempting to slowly, so slowly, repair her burn out nerves in a more physical way. Eventually, claims that her mental state is too fragile put an end to even that. She is all but on her own, except for the physical therapy her aunt gives her, played off as extra training in flexibility and dexterity.

Her father does not pull her back a year in class. He does not let her sit inside on the days when her nerves decide to quit functioning properly. He does not do a lot of things. Hinata spends most of her free time walking the street of konoha, because he refuses to 'have a recluse as a daughter'.

'you are capable of better' he says, when she cannot best Hanabi in a spar. 'i expect some kind of improvement by next week's session'. It hurts and makes her wish she could curl up and die some days. When she grows she holds the words close. He is not perfect, but he is her father; at the time they felt like judgement. She did not know her father well, he was always away for work, always speaking to important people, while she trailed behind and focused on keeping her legs straight. After the exams she gets to see him outside of training, learns to understand. He believed in her when it felt like no one did. He apologizes for a lot.

Once, when she is 14, he enters the kitchen looking very satied and a little embarrassed, and shows her a book he's been reading. 'on teaching and improvement'. Hed forgotten about positive feedback, he said. Hed forgotten to tell her good job after she did improve, because she had. Because she really was strong, and he hoped that she could forgive him because 'the book says that the lack of positive affirmation can have a negative impact on a student's self-esteem, and-'

She just hugs him tight and revels in the knowledge he did not think her lesser. She also tells him, very kindly, that next time h just needs to do better.

Kurenai-sensei is the one to drag her to Tsunade, when the tingles in her fingers no longer slowly improve as they had been. Thenew therapy her damaged nerves are given changes everything.

She's learned a lot by then. Silence can be loud, and greatness can be quiet. She works hard, and though she is not the genius her cousin is she is capable and strong. She is smart, and she has learned how to breathe again. Her tongue still gets fuzzy, but her fingers are clever, and the near suicidal determination that had dragged her through years of training, drove her too far during that first chunin exam, it bears fruit when she is 15.

She learns many a battle cry, and burns away the memories that might her chest go tight, and decides, as once again invaders enter her home, that she will not go quietly this time either.

Her hands do not shake.

#writing #naruto fanfiction #naruto #drabbles #Hinata #hinata uzumaki #hinata hyuga #hinata hyuuga #headcannons #nerve damage #therapy #naruto headcanons

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spectrumed · 3 years

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4. body

Do I have body issues? Well... yeah. Who doesn’t? I absolutely do not like being fat, that’s something I’d change about me. And I probably should bulk up a little, go to the gym. My diet isn’t terrible, I don’t eat any fast food, but I could still always eat healthier. More greens, less beans. But most of all, my biggest body issue is that I don’t really associate myself with my body. My mind feels disconnected from my body. The day scientists invent a way for us all to live as brains in jars on wheels, I’m there standing in line for a chance to become all cerebral. Being physical, it’s just so messy, so awkward, so uncomfortable. You feel pain, you feel embarrassment, you feel horny. Nothing good comes from having a body. If you were just a brain, you could go on thinking and calculating and just generally having a good mental time. Or you’d start feeling suffocated and trapped trying to move your limbs and realising that they have been all chopped off. Hmm… Maybe it’s more complicated than I initially thought.

I don’t understand people who enjoy physical activities. Let it be clear before we delve into this long rant of mine complaining about all things gymnastic, this is not particularly an autistic trait. In fact, there are plenty of autistic people who may excel as athletes, their drive and obsessive personality traits becoming quite useful in developing that discipline that is required to fully commit to becoming an all-star jock. Not all autistic people are reprehensible nerds. Some autistic people are actually quite sexy. Some even have abs. But that’s not me. That’s not my clan of autistic people. I like drawing maps. I like thinking about things. I like making cocktails. The only part of my physical body that I like to put strain on is my liver. Don’t make me go on a run. There isn’t an armchair in this world that I wouldn’t want to sit down in, even the ones that used to be owned by old chain-smokers that have that awful aroma that sneaks into your nostrils and makes you worry about second-hand lung cancer. Sitting is great. I like sitting. Also lying down. Lying down is good.

Am I lazy? No, I don’t think so. Maybe a little, but here’s the thing. I can’t control the things I obsess over. There’s a great deal of overlap between autism spectrum disorder and attention deficit disorder. If you’re reading this and you’re a fellow friend on the spectrum, you may have gotten diagnosed with both. One of those rare times in my life I have attended group therapy, more than half the group were diagnosed with both. I, however, am not. But seeing as the two conditions are so intertwined, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that a facet of autism involves difficulties in trying to focus on something, or even trying not to focus on something too hard. If you were to judge my tenacity, my ability to keep going, based solely on how I perform during physical tasks, you’d think I was the least resolute person on the planet. But then you’ll find me, some time later, staying up until four in the morning drawing another map. A map that’s really just a different take on another map that I drew earlier, that itself was a reworked version of a previous map that I drew but didn’t like, that actually began as a second iteration of one map I drew that was actually wholly different, that was based on a map of Europe but if Denmark never existed. How many maps have you drawn Fred? Why don’t you go mind your own business, you nosy ferret.

The DSM-5 (the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. You can think of it as something akin to a bible of psychology, which is definitely an inflammatory way to refer to it, but I’m gonna go with it! Because I’m a wildcard, and that’s just how I roll,) includes this section as part of its diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder.

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Now, I personally don’t relate to that at all. There’s nothing abnormal in my intense love for maps. The fact that maps aren’t as widely cherished as they ought to be is a fault of others, and I refuse to acknowledge that this may be a part of my character that could be perceived as quirky, or out of the ordinary. But, still, for the sake of argument, let’s presume that I can get, at times, excessively circumscribed. I’d like to say that I’ve only ever engaged in excessive circumscribing in my privacy away from onlookers, but I am afraid that I may have allowed some of my excessive circumscribing to happen in public. I definitely do apologise for that. I will try to do better in the future. But you never know when you’re about to experience some excessive circumscribing. The best you can do is keep it limited.

I don’t know how neurotypicals work. So, you don’t feel these kinds of obsessions? These moments of intense focus? These fixations? Then, you lack passion? Are you heartless? Soulless? Or are you just weak? Are you too feeble to hold steadfast working on a project all night long? To lose touch with your sense of hunger, your need for sleep, and all contact with any other human person? My fixations may come across as strange, but to me, your lack of fixations come across as bizarre. The world is endlessly fascinating. Have you never felt that compulsion to just fully immerse yourself in a topic that allows you to forget about your physical body for just that moment in time? The body cannot hold me. I wish to absorb as much information as I can. If I could astral project, by gods, I would astral project. To decouple your consciousness from your mushy brain for just that little bit, to go soaring across the landscapes, to explore the cosmos, just free of all things corporeal, that would be swell. How terrible isn’t it, when you’re deep in research, learning all about the mystical religious practices of the long-dead hierophants of the ancient world, to be drawn back into the present by the sudden need to urinate? There is something so dreadfully mundane about possessing a human body. If only we could all be celestial beings allowed to just be without the biological needs associated with having flesh and blood and bone and bladders.

I am not religious, nor am I spiritual. I do not believe that there is an immaterial world that lies above the material. I do not believe there is an astral plane. I think that one of the terrifying things about living is knowing that we do not possess such a thing as an eternal soul, that all things are temporal, and that ultimately, we have to come to terms with that. It’s not so terrible. In some ways, the temporal nature of life can be its biggest blessing. All things must pass. Sure, that does include the good times, like that vacation you spent as a child wishing that it would never end. But it also includes the bad times. The heartbreak you feel from a failed relationship. The grief you feel after the passing of a parent. The depression some of us are burdened with. Some days are worse than others. But they too will pass. One of the remarkable things about the human body is its ability to bounce back from injury. To change and evolve in ways we sometimes find unthinkable. The brain, likewise, is transformational, capable of incredible developments. We’re not fixed in stone. We’re not eternal. Which is a good thing. It is what allows recuperation and progress. I should be thankful to my body for being there, even when I’m not. After all, isn’t your body your temple?

I am able-bodied. Am I disabled? There’s naturally a lot of questions that surround how we ought to understand mental illness or neurodiversity in regards to disability. Does autism spectrum disorder count as a disability? Well, yes, it can be considered a learning disability. It is certainly something of a handicap, you are experiencing struggles that most people don’t experience. But to your average layperson, your typical dullard who spends their time watching reality TV, drinking beer, and being happy, what counts as a disability to them? Would they see me and think I was disabled? I’m not in a wheelchair. I don’t walk with a cane. Though I will occasionally “stim,” make small repetitive moments with my hands or legs, I do not exhibit any kind of physical symptoms. If I told them that I was disabled, they’d scoff and tell me that I’m just making it up for attention. They’d say I’m probably just trying to mooch off the government, scoring welfare checks while doing nothing to contribute to society. I’ve got all my limbs. I am not sickly. I am actually quite strong, due to being a big and tall man, I am able to carry quite the load. So, I have no reason to not be a fully productive member of society, right? And yet, here I am, feeling at most times utterly perplexed by anything physical. Probably because I am just lazy, right?

I don’t think laziness is a thing. What is laziness supposed to actually be? Tiredness? If a person is perpetually tired, then they’ve likely got a sleep disorder. To call them lazy would be callous. There are plenty of overworked people that get called lazy, especially by tyrannical overseers who think of their charges as mere workhorses whose only purpose in life is to toil away in the factory until the day they die. Intolerable parents who see their terminally sullen child and instead of wondering what is making them so upset decide to deride them for their lack of ambition. Are you lazy when you are procrastinating? No you are just being a tad irresponsible, maybe, deciding to skip out on chores in order to play video games or masturbate. But you’re not just doing nothing. People generally don’t enjoy doing nothing. We need something to occupy ourselves, to fill that vacuum we all feel whenever we’re just sitting still. I am someone who appears to be comfortable just sitting still, but that’s because I’ve learned, since a very young age, to entertain myself with my own thoughts. To fantasise, to daydream, to do anything I can to escape from the void that is doing absolutely nothing. Boredom, that’s terrible. Boredom is existential dread. Of all the motivations that drive humans, love, spite, jealousy, or pride, I think the need to evade boredom is one of the most prevalent. Humans would rather experience electric shocks than sit alone in a room being bored.

I am not lazy, I am merely… excessively circumscribed. For as much as this may be a specific diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder, I think it is also a common trait amongst all humans. There will always be within us a pull to do something other than the thing that we’re really supposed to be doing, that does not make us lazy, that just makes us terrified of boredom. Sure, you know that you’re supposed to mow the lawn, but that's just so dreadfully tedious, you just would rather be working on perfecting your new stand-up comedy routine. Thinking up jokes to tell on stage is so much more stimulating than cutting grass. And who cares if your lawn grows a little wild? Lawns are a scam, imposed by fascists to make us think grass in its natural state is ugly. All grass is beautiful, whether it is cut short or it is allowed to grow long. Do the thing that fulfils you. Allow yourself to become immersed in passion, to forget about those things that hold you back, the little silly things we’ve convinced ourselves is important. Stay up late, if you wish. You’re gonna kill it on open mic night, bud!

Yes, it is a problem when your obsessions grow so singular that you forget to feed yourself. When you forget personal hygiene, when you become trapped in your own apartment looking like some feral rodent caught in a cage. Like always, the key is moderation, and I know that from time to time, you may have to entertain a boring task or two. Clean your room, brush your teeth, trim your pubic hair, try to give an impression that you are taking care of yourself. If for anyone, do it for your mother. She will be happy seeing you looking like a civilised individual, wearing clean clothes and not looking malnourished. But don’t ever chastise yourself for being lazy. Laziness is a sin that we’re all guilty of, and if we’re all guilty of it, is it really a sin? Or is it just part of what it means to be a human? To be a messy creature made out of flesh and blood and bone and the occasional bladder. In the end, I’m more happy than displeased at having a body. It’d be much harder to type on a keyboard if I didn’t have fingers.

Still, I wish I wasn’t fat.

#neurodiversity #neurodivergent #autism spectrum disorder #autism #aspergers #mental health

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lunaticpuppetmaster · 4 years

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My contribute for Konoha Simps server collab!

Trying to do both drabble and an art was a poor decidion as i am a lil bit late.

Special Thanks to @pfreadsandwrites who beta-readed this drabble!

Title: Lost and Found.

Pairing: Kiba Inuzuka x OC (Tsubasa Yuki)

Summary: Everyone knows that everything you lose will end up in your soulmates possesions. Some people go crazy trying to find their destined one with practically no information. Tsubasa was never interested in finding hers and there is a chance she would never be able to.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, hurt/comfort

Word count: 6907

When the first symptoms of the family curse appeared, Tsubasa already knew she was doomed. The sickness was rare and there wasn’t much information about it in the Yuki clan library even before the genocide, while after it… well, no information survived. To be honest she did not have much hope at the beginning when her ice-natured chakra just only started to act like a parasite, eating her body and breaking thin bones.

But her sensei had. Mei had always been protective of her pupils, acting like a big sister even after the trio passed the chunin exam. So, when the worst happened, she used all her resources in order to save one of them. Unfortunately, even Kirigakure medics famous for their body knowledge were unsuccessful. The only hope was the best medic alive, Tsunade-hime herself.

Tsubasa did not know how she convinced Tsunade to help or what she promised to her (probably rare Kiri herbs), but the sannin agreed to work on her case. She didn’t promise a cure. To the girl’s pleasure, unlike her sensei, the 5th hokage was rational and she stated right from the start that the chances of recovery were very low and more likely she would just extend the Yuki girl’s agony. It was hurtful, but honest. Tsubasa always respected honesty… and her sensei. She had no other choice, but to promise Mei that she will fight till the end even though she did not want to.

“Maybe you will find your soulmate there,”- said Mei before her departure.

Mei was one of those people who always wanted to find their soulmate, however that was not the reason why she said it. She appreciated different manifestations of love: between friends, parental, sisterly and etc. She also knew that Tsubasa was a pessimist and even the love of people who were close to her was not enough to restore her will to live. At least if she were deeply in love with her soulmate, Mei hoped that Tsubasa could finally find the strength to fight.

Soulmates were always a bone of contention between different social groups: commoners, nobility and shinobi. Especially the last one. Missions and loyalty towards the village must be a number one priority for a ninja. But with soulmates everything became much harder.

Still even the biggest soulmate deniers tried their best to ‘lose things’. Even though little was known about soulmates nature, over the years people were able to learn a couple of useful things:

1 - Every item you lose will end up in your soulmate’s possessions.

2 - You cannot send a letter or any kind of writing this way.

3 - You cannot just throw away a random thing in the air or leave it intentionally on a park bench. So, you must really lose the thing to make it reach your soulmate.

The world was never peaceful. Neither for commoners nor shinobi, so desire to help for so called “true one” was understandable. People tried to tie various useful items with slim strings to their clothes like meds and water. When it came to shinobi they usually tied small scrolls to their bags or jackets hoping that during fights the thread would be cut or ripped and the item lost. Such scrolls were usually filled with food, kunais or ninja pills. Supplies that suddenly appeared managed to save some shinobi on the verge of death more than once. So even soulmate deniers had an opinion that it was practical to help the soulmate and very rude to ignore it. Help for help, life for life, nothing more. Tsubasa was one such person.

Of course, every skilled shinobi could tell from which village the lost item appeared.

Yuki’s soulmate for example was from Konoha. Her teammate Hiroto recognized a specific plant in a found ninja pill. So, she had some chances to run into him during her stay.

But Tsubasa did not want a soulmate. She did not need some stranger. She wanted to stay in Kiri and spend her last days with people she loved with all her heart and soul. Hadn’t she suffered enough? It didn’t look like it.

This was how she ended up in Konoha; or rather in a spare room of Yamanaka-hime’s house. Although Tsunade made efforts, in Yuki’s opinion, she clearly did not have an intention to heal her, but to collect information about how the disease proceeds under various factors, in order to save other unfortunate ones… Tsubasa could tell it from her students. Tsunade put her under the care of somewhat inexperienced newbies, ones who could crawl into her head and feel the patient’s condition themselves. Tsubasa did not blame her for that. She would be happy if her death could help someone. The girl rather felt sorry for distracting Ino from her more important patients. The hime herself was cheerful and sunny person, but in moments that required professionalism she could turn cold and focused with the flick of a finger. “She would be a perfect clan leader one day,” Tsubasa thought.

To be honest Yamanaka’s jutsu was useful for more than just therapy. When they first met, Yuki just simply let Ino read her mind and see her past. It was much faster and easier, plus all the secret information she knew as an ANBU was sealed. In order to get it, they would have had to use much stronger and more traumatic jutsu (and of course torture). Moreover, she was going to die soon, so did it really matter how many people knew her story?

Though when Tsubasa saw the girl’s blank face after reading her mind, she felt guilty. The blonde stayed silent for a few seconds before giving her a hug. She did not need words to say that she will do her best.

Ino was easy to befriend. She also was good at distracting from negative thoughts. Between her regular Tsunade checkups and preparations for missions (It was important to monitor the development of the disease in the field, and all missions would be related to information gathering about the Yuki clan) they were chatting, watching movies and sometimes working in the flower shop. Thanks to Tsubasa’s honey-coloured hair most people mistook her as a distant relative of Yamanaka, so no one asked questions.

Once they ended up talking about soulmates. It started when Ino found some spilled ink on her carpet one day. Hime did not know much about her soulmate except he was really… an artistic type. Through the years she collected various brushes, pencils, erasers and doodles. Once she even found a whole sketchbook (unfortunately half torn)! But there was one thing that made her upset. He never “lost” anything to help her like the majority did.

“Maybe he is from a strict ninja family or a specific ANBU team”, she said with a sad smile.

If Ino’s soulmate was artistic, Tsubasa’s was… quite “special”. Because only a “special” person would end up losing a 6-kilo bag of dog food. Even now, after seven years Tsubasa sometimes wondered ‘how?’.. It was not a pen or a trinket which could be easily left on an academy desk, but a giant bag of dog food! No, he was a good soulmate who was “losing” supplies for her (that once saved her teammate’s life) unlike Ino’s, but still… Even when the blonde heard about it, she could not believe it and then started to laugh hysterically. After such silly small talks Tsubasa felt like she wasn’t fully alone in this foreign village. It almost felt like she had found a friend.

Unlike the other forced teammate.

Every village had a system of having at least 3 people in a team. Moreover, Tsubasa was suffering from her disease and Ino concentrated on helping her. They needed another member.

Tsubasa did not like him from the start. He was loud, narcissistic, clingy and insolent. The kunoichi was easily fed up with his behaviour. She spat out what exactly she thought of him to his face before going back to the Yamanaka estate. Only when she was alone in her room, she understood all her stupidity. She shouldn’t have acted so idiotic and lose her cool. It was essential for a ninja. She also understood why he was chosen among all of the shinobi. As a member of the Inuzuka clan he had a ninken who was already big enough to carry a man. It would be useful in case she became unconscious due to the illness. But she could not help it. A lot of bad things were going on in her life. She felt useless and helpless since she was banned from using her ice chakra. Mei also banned her from using anything that would hide her emotions. She thought that Tsubasa finally needed to learn how to speak and deal with new people. Babysitting was not helpful, so she wanted to try something more radical. Tsubasa understood, but understanding wasn’t enough to cope with the stress. Now she was sitting in the corner of her room shivering. Usually, she would take her father’s mask – the only thing left after his death- and put the cold material close to her forehead thinking what he would say or do. She couldn’t do it any longer. Some of her belongings and a mask were lost during a powerful chakra release at the beginning of the disease.

A few minutes passed before she started to feel better. A sudden knock on the door took her out of thoughts. Tsubasa went to open it thinking it would be Ino. Unfortunately, it was him. The cause for today’s bad mood and their third teammate – Kiba Inuzuka himself. She sighed and looked at him through the door, hiding most of her body behind it. The young man in front of her hesitated and looked a little bit strange or uncertain.

”Listen, I came here to apologise.“

Tsubasa raised her brow. Surely she should have been the one to apologise?. Plus, the boy looked like someone who would rather make a bunch of excuses and snap back than accept he was wrong.

“Well, I shouldn’t have invaded your personal space in the first place.” He scratched the back of his head and looked away. Judging by his behavior, the girl started to understand what actually made his behavior change.“And …uhm, Ino told me about your case so…”

“Showed you,” said Yuki her guess as a statement.

”She d-did not show me much!”

”That’s okay. I don’t mind and Ino knows that.”

“Anyway, I want to start on a clean slate. Here, take it. It’s a half mask and a bottle of blue paint so you can customize it with your clan symbol.”

”Actually…”

“I know that you are not allowed to use anything to hide your emotions, but it is a half mask and I made the holes for eyes bigger so your emotions will be perfectly visible. This is not technically breaking the rule and you will definitely feel better due to your um… well, habit. Just enjoy it, okay? I have to go now, bye!

“W-wait! I cannot…”

But the boy already left, forcing the girl to accept.

After that, though the relationship between the trio smoothed out, it was far from perfect. Tsubasa preferred to act more as a solo player despite her health condition, Kiba was still too loud and tried to act like the leader he never was and Ino … Ino tried not to go crazy in this whole mess called a team. However, overall, their missions were rather calm. Perhaps the three of them needed time to get used to each other before they could accept the others’ faults and learn to compromise. The tension completely disappeared at rest time, when tired teenagers passed time by talking to each other. Often they talked about soulmates. Someone was consulting with others about what would be more useful to seal in a tie-down scroll, the other one was looking through a travel bag for new supplies (or accidentally dropped useless things), another was thinking about loud who their soulmate might be. On one of such days, all of a sudden Tsubasa discovered earrings in a sealed scroll. They were simple and consisted of three deep blue feathers each. The girl looked at them in surprise, not knowing how to react. But, on the contrary, Ino reacted too happily.

“These are so cute! And they match your eye color! Quite a nice present for a soulmate that has never seen you.”

“This must have been a mistake.”

“It was in a scroll. How could this be a mistake? Looks like your soulmate really wishes to meet you and…”

“I don’t need a soulmate, Ino! Like, I don’t believe in perfect matches made by spiritual forces or some sort. I never wanted to have him in the first place! I have a dream to achieve, a family in Kiri. No way if I survive, I will leave it all behind because of some questionable romance! That’s ridiculous!”

Ino sighed and Kiba remained silent. The conversation came to an end. But not the attention from Tsubasa’s soulmate or their mission.

One of those days, when all sorts of cute things and sweets instead of standard ammunition began to show up in Tsubasa’s scrolls more and more, their group stumbled upon really strong opponents. The longer the battle continued the more obvious it became that they were not going to win. Unless Tsubasa broke the rule and used her clan’s abilities. Mei’s order, both as sensei and as Mizukage, always stood above many moral principles for Yuki, but now it was a completely different case. Neither Ino nor Kiba with the sweetest and bravest Akamaru should have been involved in this from the very beginning. They were not supposed to die or risk their lives because of some terminally ill girl from another village and a questionable contract between their Kages. They must live, survive and Tsubasa made up her mind. At first, she managed to eliminate a couple of ninjas and slightly injure the rest using the element of surprise. She was incredibly lucky, because the disoriented opponents were much easier to finish off for Kiba and Ino. Tsubasa by this moment had already lost her eyesight from the tension and saw the battlefield only as a set of white and light gray colors. She lost her breath and her strength to stand upright. But it was nothing compared to the pain that washed over her seconds later.

The kunoichi screamed in pain as she felt blood filling her mouth and an ice crust covering her internal organs. She fell on the cold dusty ground, heart-rendering screams leaving her lips with the blood pulsing her temples, ice needles tearing the muscles of her arms and legs. It seemed like nothing existed except for the all-consuming pain. Through the wall of never-ending white noise, she heard the sounds of Ino’s commands and Akamaru’s frightened barking. This was the last thing she felt before passing out.

Tsubasa woke up with a heavy head and pain all over her body. She listened to her senses before opening her eyes… and it would have been better not to listen to them. Someone brazenly pressed her close to their body and sniffed into the ear. When she opened her eyes the girl immediately screamed. In general, it was a completely normal reaction when you find yourself half-dressed in the arms of an equally half-dressed man. Of course, given that she was half-asleep, her only response was a stream of unpleasant curses and swearing. At first Kiba, who was still sleepy, was happy that the girl woke up, but soon joined the exchange of curses until a joyful, but terribly tired Ino ran up to them, immediately trying to interrupt the catfight and change the topic. Kiba waved his hand resentfully and went off in an unknown direction. Ino stayed with Tsubasa alone.

“Sit down and drink this.”

“Okay, but can I ask you a question first? What the hell happened here?”

”Your disease went out of control. I could barely suppress it. This time it was… too strong. Not like before. When I was finally able to improve your condition, you were still unconscious, your temperature dropped to terribly low levels, and some ice crystals did not disappear. We didn’t risk taking you back to the village in such poor condition. At first, we tried to wrap you up warm, but that didn’t help. Your clothes were quickly soaked by the cold coming from you and it only aggravated your condition. Then we decided that we would warm you one by one with the heat of our bodies. Well, Akamaru too.

Tsubasa howled in embarrassment and Ino sighed.

“Don’t worry. I think Kiba understands what the situation looked like for you. Or he will understand. He is a hot-head, you know, and he needs some time to calm down. But he will.”

”Still, that doesn’t change the fact that I snapped at him twice for literally nothing, especially the last time when I should have said ‘thank you for trying to save my dumb ass’. I feel terrible.”

The blonde girl patted her dejected friend on the shoulder and then said, “ Drink the medicine or, I swear to God, you will regret that you woke up.

The group’s return journey took place in silence. Despite the fact that Tsubasa apologized to Kiba and he accepted the apology, the kunoichi was still tormented by her conscience. She needed to apologize to him properly. Stealing a glance at the still visible ice crystals on her hand, a thought flashed through her: “While I can still do it.”

Night is definitely a wonderful and mysterious time of the day. Too bad that not everyone can enjoy its beauty, but there are also some who would be glad to miss it. For example, some unfortunate souls from the Inuzuka clan. It just so happened that a heightened sense of smell was not the only animal trait some clan members shared. Heightened hearing, too. In battle it was somewhat useful while in everyday life - irritating. During the day, in a mixture of noises, it did not cause much discomfort, but at night, when all the sounds disappeared, a can kicked by a drunk felt like a hit in the head. It is not surprising that such “lucky” clan members often suffered from insomnia and generally lived in the rhythm of night owls, which was very difficult for the shinobi world, where everyone was entirely early birds.

So was Kiba. However, tonight it felt different. His day was active and the sounds on the street did not disturb him, still he could not sleep. It seemed that the whole atmosphere of the house became more and more oppressive with every second spent inside, and the inner desire to walk through the village at night became stronger with every minute. He just wanted to go outside and run. He did not know where, but somewhere, where it was important for him to be now. In the end, when he accepted the fact that he obviously would not sleep today, the young man called his faithful dog and quietly left the house. The night was calm and fresh from the recent rain. Perhaps even too much, but it did not bother Kiba. He gladly wandered through old village streets, breathing in deeply the cold night air until he found himself near the playground. Or better to say, found someone.

Tsubasa sat on the swing all hunched up, almost motionless like a statue, and although this time her face wasn’t hidden by a mask, but her honey hair, Kiba knew that the girl was clearly not radiating joy.

“May I sit?,” he asked. Tsubasa didn’t even flinch.

“Yes.”

Kiba looked at the girl. When they first met, she was strong, cold and impenetrable. A true warrior. But now things were different. As a shinobi, he was not afraid to die on the battlefield, surrounded by dead and, possibly, even rotting bodies. But seeing a person fade like this, when they were unable to do anything about their state, when they burned out like a candle, turning with every second into a pale copy of their former self is what really scared him. At first, he didn’t care much what would happen to Yuki, but now, when her life glimmered on a candle stub, saving her was important. Either she will survive, and he will get rid of animal all-consuming fear, or her pale face, disfigured by illness, in the tongues of the funeral flame will haunt him till the end of his days.

Akamaru rested his head on Tsubasa’s lap. Still lost in her heavy thoughts, Yuki let her hands go of the swing chain and started to mechanically stroke and scratch the ninken behind the ears.

”Hey Tsu, I know that you are that type of shinobi who tries to follow the code perfectly. But we are not made of steel. You are not made of steel. You are feeling bad and tired. It’s unlikely that I will hear something that Ino did not show me or did not hear from you. Sharing pain as a shinobi is hard, but it’s even harder to keep your cool when you are on the verge of being broken by your own emotions. Even though I talk too much, anything you tell me tonight will stay here, I promise. So, tell me what’s eating you.

”You’re right. I am tired. I am weak, although I’ve tried to prove myself otherwise for my whole goddamn life. Even when I felt bad and thought that everything was lost, I clung to a few good things that I had. What does not kill makes us stronger, and the world, even drowning in war and blood, is still too beautiful to give up, especially the little things that everyone forgets. That’s what my father taught me. My path has never been covered with rose petals. Well.., for most people, actually. Still, I didn’t stop fighting for the people I love. Only when the clan curse showed itself… I was really scared. I felt completely helpless. And after the recent events… Fuck all my experience, knowledge and even more ranks. I am useless. I… I must accept the truth. I will die soon Kiba and I do not want to die here.”

Her previously smooth and still voice started to crack. Her shoulders shivered slightly.

“You, Ino and your friends are wonderful people and in general I like Konoha, but it will never be my home, and you will never replace my family. I hate to break promises, but I really don’t want to keep the one I gave to sensei and friends. I just want to give up and go back to Kiri. I miss them so much and want to see them one last time. Besides there is also one thing that bothers me…”

Mei was not that wrong when she said that Tsubasa might fall in love in Konoha. She actually did, but not with the soulmate destined by the stars. She fell in love with an eccentric, slightly arrogant and silly boy who may have not really known her, but still tried to help. Simply because he did not lose faith in her or their team, because he acted friendly with her and could cheer her up even in her darkest moments. For the fact that he could knock on the window at one in the morning and invite her into the forest to look at the fireflies. Just like that. It wasn’t like love at first sight, or a long courtship. With each passing day her feelings grew stronger washing over her like waves. Unfortunately, there were few “BUTs” that Tsubasa could not ignore:

She was from another village and even though there were many bad things in the hidden Mist, she was not going to betray it or move anywhere. She promised herself to help Sensei make the village a better place, and she was not going to give up on her dream either. Kiba was also too loyal to his family and friends. He would never leave them for some Kirigakure girl.

Moreover, Tsubasa felt guilty about her soulmate. Yes, she never saw him, but that did not stop him from taking care of her and obviously dreaming about their meeting. It would be wrong just not to care about his feelings.

Most importantly, that applied to both Kiba and the unknown “true one” - she was dying. She was a weak sick girl who had a month left to live at best. Of course, she could confess her feelings to the boy next to her right now, feel loved and die with a drop of happiness… But was it fair for Kiba who would have to live with this burden until the end of his days? Definitely not. She couldn’t do that to him. That’s why she would rather stay silent, burn out from her feelings, because at least she would not let him suffer.

“I just don’t know what to do… I feel lost.”

She lifted her head, blue feathers of her earnings blowing in the wind. Her face was emotionless and her body calm, yet uncontrollable tears were streaming down her face.

The boy took her freezing hand and pulled her into a hug. Tsubasa bit her lip, burying her face in his shoulder and soaking his jacket with tears.

”You lost only because you gave up right away as soon as you found out about your diagnosis! Stop thinking about the fucking disease! Focus on something else! Not on the loved ones, since it causes you so much pain. Focus on your dreams! On your soulmate!”

“Why are you so obsessed with the idea of soulmates?”

“Why are you so disgusted with the idea itself?”

She let his hand go and exhaled. There was no trace of her emotional outburst except for her bloodshot eyes. Tsubasa grabbed the swing chains, thinking for a second.

“I do not believe in fairy tales about gods, who loved each other and were separated, that blessed all mortal couples with a secret connection, in revenge to the rest of the pantheon. Why did everyone suddenly start to think that it was a love connection? What if that bond means a strong friendship? And how can finding lost things help my soulmate find me or specifically, my body? The only variant I see is where you tattoo the coordinates on your hand and lose it in battle. An ‘excellent’ plan! Moreover, where are the guarantees that soulmate couples will be happy? Give me one example.”

”Ino’s parents are soulmates.”

Both of them suddenly turned silent.

”As far as I know, Mrs. Yamanaka did not even know our language when she arrived here. She was from another country, with completely different customs, still she risked going into the unknown. And I don’t know any stronger couple.”

“The way you talk about it… Your parents aren’t soulmates either, are they?”

He nodded.

”Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother. In fact, my father left when I was one year old, so she and my sister raised me. But… My mother is a very difficult person. As far as I can remember, it was always important for her to be the first and she never cared about the feelings of others. This is good for a warrior, but not for a family member. She could easily say things that will hurt you, including the ones she said on purpose, as a joke in order to please her ego. When you tried to talk to her about this and ask her to tone it down a little, she pretended to listen at first, but soon forgot about it. As for my father, he was not from our clan, not even from our village. He was a stranger and ended up being at the very bottom of the clan’s hierarchy. My sister said that he could stand a lot of things, but not the betrayal and disregard towards him from his once loved one. Of course, this was not the only reason he left. After that, looking at how Ino’s parents perfectly understand each other and always try to find a compromise, on how strong their union is… I want the same kind of family. Yes, I can act like my mother, be short tempered and impulsive. I think you noticed it when we first met. I admit I behaved horribly, but with people close to me, whom I don’t want to lose, I try to control myself and work on it.”

“That’s… amazing Kiba. And despite the fact that you mostly act like a jerk -” he snorted and a small smile formed on her lips- “I have to admit that after knowing you better, I have respect for you. You don’t try to please everyone. You give all of yourself and your warmth only to the ones that are close to you. Only to those who, in your opinion, deserve it, disregarding the rest. This is right. I share the same point of view. But since you really want to find your soulmate, have you ever thought that you might end up being the one to leave your home? Are you ready for such a sacrifice yourself?”

Kiba fell silent. At first it seemed that he was deep in thought, but in reality, everything was different. He was frightened and listened to the silence of the night trying to find out if someone was eavesdropping on them. For a moment, the girl even thought that he used ninjutsu to sniff out strangers and make sure that there were no one near them.

As white as a sheet, he took her hand and ‘wrote’ his answer on the inside of her palm with a finger:

“Yes”

She glanced at him. His actions spoke louder than words.

“Your father is dead, isn’t he?”

”Were you born in a clan or joined it later, you cannot leave it.”

”I understand. After all, in Kiri, a lot is happening inside our clans too.”

They both sat in uncomfortable silence.

“When you said that my parents are not soulmates, you also said “either”. So..?”

“You heard right. You know that before Terumi-sama, Kirigakure was overflowing with nepotism and bribery? Well, people were willing to do anything to move up the career ladder. My mother really wanted a higher position in ANBU, so she made my father fall in love with her and convinced him that she was his soulmate. As you understand, it was also important for my father to find ‘the true one’ but when he realized that he was fooled it was already too late. He comforted himself with the fact that he seemed to love my mother even without that spiritual bond, plus he loved me with all his heart and soul. But in fact, the love between my parents was one-sided… and because of the special treatment to the Yuki clan, my father was never at home. So… when you start looking for your destined one, please be careful, okay? I do not want the same fate for you or for anyone else.”

Okay, let’s change the topic” - he waved his hands in a playful defensive gesture “You mentioned that you have a dream. So, what kind of dream?”

“Well, you chose a bad one to distract me, because my dream is deeply connected with my family. You know about the genocide of the Yuki clan?”

“Mmm, sorry, to be honest, not really. Only that when the Uchiha clan was massacred, the elders whispered with each other that it could be the same case as it was with your clan, where it was the Kage’s order or some sort.”

“The Yuki clan was once considered to be one of the most powerful clans in the village of the Hidden Mist. And of course, quite dangerous, especially for the past Mizukage, or rather, for the one who controlled him. So, one night, the entire main branch was killed and the clan’s library burned down. The Yuki clan was officially made part of a lower caste. Some clan members managed to escape, while others were often sent on dangerous and suicidal missions. Now from the once large clan, only 30-40 people remain in Kiri, and most of them are elders and children. For comparison, grandfather Naoki had four children, the same age as my father, and only one daughter remained alive. As you know, my frightened and repressed clan avoided communicating with each other. In fact, in my childhood, it was as if the clan did not exist at all. Childhood in Kiri was not easy, but the other children at least had a clan, a large family that stood up for them. I wanted it too. I wanted to be a part of a clan and before my illness I dreamed of reviving the Yuki clan, regaining lost knowledge and finding all the relatives lost around the world, whom, as far as I heard, were not liked by both ninjas and civilians. But now after that illness… I must find every single Yuki alive to make sure that no one will be alone while fighting the family curse and that no one will go through the same pain as me, giving them a chance to be cured. And I will do it, no matter what… If I survive, of course…”

“It’s … A great dream to achieve-,” he scratched his head not knowing what to say- “And I am sure you will! Just don’t be so pessimistic! “

”I am realistic.”

“Pessimistic.”

“Realistic!”

“OK, OK!” he chuckled.“Looks like only realists like you, who talk about how bad and terrible everything will be, turn out to be chuunins.”

“What? Kiba, I don’t… urgh forget it! Arguing with you on any topic is simply useless when you are stubborn as a mule.”

“Said another mule!”

She laughed. Warmly and sincerely, for the first time this evening, and perhaps since they returned from that ill-fated mission.

”By the way, if your life in the hidden mist was so bad why do you hate the idea of moving to another place? Like here, to Konoha?”

“First of all, my life in Kiri is perfect now. Secondly, when people will learn that I am from the hidden mist they will hate me. The only thing that saves me now is that commoners think I am a distant relative of Ino.”

“Why do you think that?”

“You never heard why Kiri women are hated so much?”

“No.”

“Well let me tell you,” she grinned sinisterly. “One year, in our village, due to hunger, disease and war, there were practically no men left. Then the women decided to fill this gap by stealing men from other villages. But then they questioned themselves, how to transport healthy and adult shinobi without harming them? This is how the world-famous art of Kirigakure ANBU was born, thanks to which we can immobilize even the most powerful warrior,” she chuckled as a senbon she used in some missions appeared from nowhere, - “With the combination of many factors, but still. Well, those poor souls who ended up in Kiri … they essentially had no choice, but to marry ladies there if they wanted to live.”

“Are you joking?!”

“I’m not! In fact, my great-grandfather was kidnapped from the village hidden in the Stone. So, be careful Inuzuka Kiba! Who knows, maybe my illness is just a part of a secret mission and I’m actually here to pick up suitable candidates… And you might end up being one of them! You may turn out to be a good third husband for me, you know?”

He laughed.

“Oh really? Well, I would die to see how you would try to steal me with such an amazing guard as Akamaru!”

“Oh darling,” she grinned and hugged the huge white dog,” I would find a way to make that adorable boy my partner in crime! “

Akamaru happily barked in agreement and both teenagers burst into laughter, almost falling off the swing.

“By the way,” she said after a small pause, “I have to admit that fireflies are much more beautiful in Konoha. Thank you for letting me enjoy such beauty…”

He bit his lip and took her hand in his. The Ice crystals were still showing from her bandage returned them both to the dreadful reality.

“You will survive Tsu, I promise you, and you will see many more fireflies. Not only these.”

She looked at him with a faded, crooked smile. A smile that only gravely ill and very tired people have. Kiba returned her a look and his heart squeezed painfully in his chest, skipping a beat.

“Don’t make a promise that you can’t keep.”

”I’ll keep it! You will see. We are close to finding the ancient temple of the Yuki clan, and there definitely should be information on how to cure you. And after the next mission is completed, we will go to a grill bar! In the land of water there are only sea creatures and practically no normal beef. I cannot let you go back to Kiri without letting you know all the delights of good meat.”

She chuckled.

“If you say so.”

But there would be no grill bar or any next time. They found information about the temple location, but at the cost of everything else. The disease turned out to be unstoppable at this point. Luckily, they managed to reach it in time and save Tsubasa’s life.

Three months had passed since her miraculous recovery. Representatives of the Mist village appeared in Konoha the next day and took the girl with them, not allowing her even to say goodbye to her new friends. Still, their paths will cross in the future.

Upon returning to Kiri, Tsubasa began to communicate a lot with Ino through letters, which made the Mizukage almost ecstatic. She hoped that friendship with the clan princess would turn into a possible strong political tie in the future. One way or another, Mei was going to make her children, if not a future Mizukage, then those on whom the village could rely. Sometimes Mei was so happy about the benefits that Tsubasa had a feeling that her illness and departure to Konoha were part of Sensei’s plan to improve relationships with the village from the very beginning. However, she thought it was too weird and silly to be true.

She also sent letters to Kiba. Feelings for him that suddenly flared up in her heart were not planning to disappear, but she still had no intention of getting into his personal life. He wanted to find his soulmate, and she respected that wish. This was the least she could do for him. “Besides,” she thought while drinking peach tea in the evenings and remembering how he was trying to warm her drastically freezing body on their trip to the temple, “it is unlikely that we would have succeeded even if there would be no soulmate. We are too loyal and attached to our villages and clans. None of us would move to another village for the sake of other. Only a soulmate had such privilege.“

Therefore, she was happy to be his friend at least, send the boxes of tangerines and dried seafood snacks on special occasions, help with advice on everyday problems that all teenagers went through, regardless of which shinobi village they were born in, and just talk about all sorts of nonsense.

At six am, there was a loud knock on the door. Tsubasa was just getting ready for the training and she had no idea who would need to see her at such an early hour (her teammates were waiting for her at the training field, so it could not be them).

A familiar figure was standing outside of the door. Tired from the road, a little nervous, but smiling. Holding a medium-sized flat box under his arm.

“Kiba? What are you doing here, especially this early?!”

“There were reasons,” he said giving her a box, “may i come in?”

“Of course, you can, I’ll make you some tea and something to eat for you two.”

The girl moved away to the side, letting the boy and his dog into the apartment. Akamaru immediately stretched and laid himself on the carpet of the living room, while Kiba took a seat in the kitchen.

“So, what’s the reason you came here?”

“Open the box,” he said with a smile.

Tsubasa raised her eyebrows skeptically. She put the box on the table, thin fingers gripping the blue lid and pulling it up. Her father’s mask with its cold material was staring right into the girl from the inside. Frozen in complete shock, looking at the once-lost thing dear to her heart, she did not notice how Kiba approached her from behind.

“I just felt lost,” he said in a soft voice, while tucking a loose strand behind her ear. Their faces were only a few inches apart, “And desperately wanted to be found.”

#Kiba Inuzuka #kiba #naruto oc #kiba inuzuka x oc #konoha simps server collab #server collab #konoha simps #kiba inuzuka #soulmate #kiba x oc #naruto #naruto drabble #drabble #soulmate au

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missholland · 4 years

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Lan Wangji (mostly, his love)

LAN ZHAN! I read somewhere that this was said 102 times by Wei Wuxian in The Untamed. It feels like an understatement, cause I’ve watched the show so many times now I could hear ‘Lan Zhan’ being called in my sleep...

My first time watching the drama, I was full on Team Xianxian. I mean, who would not be? He’s the central character of the story, he’s the first thing you see within the first few seconds of episode 1, and who could resist his sunflower aura? I was not into Lan Wangji at all. I remember this clearly because I just found an old Instagram story in my Archive on the day I first watched this show: a screenshot of Wangji’s face in episode 3 and my caption was: ‘OMG how could Wei sunshine fall in love with this dry and boring man?’. And just like how Wangji eventually swallowed all of the statements he had made about the young Wei Wuxian (’I don’t touch other people’, ‘We’re not close’, etc.), I am not the same person on that fateful day tuning in the first episode on Netflix. I am now Team Hanguang-Jun through and through!

What I’ve been enjoying so much these days is watching random earlier/later episodes just to compare how Wangji’s attitude changed toward Wei Wuxian over 16 years-ish. It’s probably so obvious for everyone that he definitely falls in love first, even when the drama purposely made their early relationship a lot more intense comparing to the novel i.e. showing Wei Wuxian somewhat feeling the same way about Wangji in his first life, with the constant flirting and mutual pining (don’t even get me started...). Now that I kinda understand what the character is like, it makes a lot of sense the way he processed his feelings for Wuxian in his youth. I wonder how different he would have reacted without the push from the best brother/wingman in the cultivation world - Lan Xichen. Sure, Jiang Cheng had a lot to say about this too, but mostly out of a slight envy (I reckon) over Wuxian’s new subject of desire. But Lan Xichen sees through his brother, and has been pretty much WangXian fanclub admin since day 1. I don’t have a brother, but man, I wish Lan Xichen could be mine.

In my humble opinion, the fact that we were given 3 versions of Wei Wuxian throughout the series kinda gifts us 3 versions of Lan Wangji too in a way - the straight face, the confused heart, and the national boyfriend/husband. Considering the number of times I rewatched the latter half of the series i.e. episode 33 onward, I just want to write down all of my thoughts about the national boyfriend/husband Lan Wangji, and not just because that version seems to have the most lines comparing to the other two.

There are several details that were not explained much in the series (although shown on screen) so I have to read from the novel later on. But oh my god, the stuff I found... I never realized that the scene before Lan Wangji went to Mo’s manor where his guqin was playing behind him standing on the balcony referred to how he used Inquiry to find Wuxian. What Jiang Cheng said to him about having gone to a lot of places for 16 years and searching for someone completely went over my head in the first watch, and imagine how I scratched my brain revisiting that part. That plus ‘oh I’ve never seen you at a cultivation conference before’ in episode 41 - my goodness, because he was spending ALL of his time LOOKING FOR Wei Wuxian.

Another thing I hope would have been addressed in the series was the hot iron mark on his chest. I thought the story of him drinking wine and giving himself a mark identical to Wuxian’s was the prime work of a broken heart. He must have thought about their conversation in Xuanwu cave, about the mark staying on his skin forever and how Wuxian was convinced Mianmian would never forget him. Was that how Wangji was making a point of never forgetting Wei Wuxian? If that scene made into the drama, I would have thought Wangji’s character song Buwang to be play in the background. The lyrics fit the situation so much.

Personally, everything from episode 33 onward was perfection for me, finally getting to see Wangji embrace his feelings and ACT ON THEM toward the romance-blind idiot Wei Wuxian (yes, he totally is). All the caring touches and details played out so astonishingly. One of my favourite (which doesn’t seem to be a popular one since I have not seen many gifs of it on Tumblr) was when, after interrogating Huaisang, Wangji comfortably moved over the other side of the table and picked up Wuxian’s left leg to CLEAN THE EVIL SPELL - think of the level of intimacy this act is! Although that came after the romantic piggyback under the moonlight, I thought that speaks volume for someone who doesn’t even physically interact with his family members, and serves as a great follow-up right after he, again comfortably, pulled up Wuxian’s trousers to check his leg.

What I thought was always presented so beautifully is every time Wangji serves Wuxian liquor. The way he carefully picks up his sleeve, prepares the cup (I know they’re probably not called ‘cups’ but I can’t find another word), pours the liquor and slides it over to his partner is so well demonstrated and shows how much he wants to properly take care of Wuxian. Would you put so much effort in such a tiny mundane act if you’re not doing it for the most important person in your life?

In a way, I feel like everything he does is making up for what he could not do the past 16 years, including remembering so many tiny details and keeping all sort of Wuxian-related things. My favourite Wangji keepsake moment, despite being a very short one, is the butterfly talisman at Yunping City which he gave to Wuxian to rescue Wen Ning. I don’t know why that moment makes me really really happy, probably because that was one of the earliest items Wangji could have kept hold of from Wuxian’s. That tells us how way long before he was developing feelings toward this little rebel. Not to mention, we did see Wangji even use this very talisman in episode 11 when he encountered Wen Chao on his way back to Cloud Recesses.

Yes, the ‘I knew he was Wei Ying all along’ while having all the swords pointed at you is highly pivotal as it’s basically the censored version of ‘I love you’. BUT, the moment all leading cultivators of all major and minor clans ran to Burial Mounds just to witness Lan Wangji standing proudly without flinch on the other side with Wei Wuxian makes me appreciate that whole arc a lot more than the big revelation in the last 3 episodes. Wangji ignoring his own Grand Master, Wuxian once again standing against every single person in the cultivation world but with so much confidence this time around - to me, is beyond satisfying. I love this arc so much so I wrote a separate piece about episode 44-45 - if you’re interested in more of my random thoughts, feel free to have a read here.

Thinking about all this, I’m absolutely in awe of how protective national boyfriend Wangji is to Wei Wuxian even before knowing he lost his golden core. They either have insanely accurate GPS, or just really good telepathy. Wangji’s constant attention to his partner (without having to verbally find out where he is) blows my mind every time. Remember how proud Wei Wuxian was having Lan Wangji come out just in time to fight Xue Yang at Coffin Town? That’s how much Wangji’s love and trust empowers Wuxian and makes him so so so secured, even when everyone was walking around in the fog hiding from the most notorious killer and his puppets.

The one detail that pushed me over the edge completely (thanks a lot Lan Xichen) was the story of Wangji’s mom. Oh my god, baby Wangji sitting in the snow really messes with my head. I cannot believe it took 40 something episodes for us to learn about Wangji’s emotionally damaged upbringing and what shapes him into a stubborn lovebird as we know today. It adds A LOT more context and sadness to his famous phrase ‘bring a man back to Cloud Recesses and hide him’, as well as Lan Qiren’s statement ‘have you not learned from your father’s lesson’. I revisit the ‘bring back and hide him’ scene with a completely new perspective and can sense Wangji’s pain and confusion that Xichen described. The desperation in that statement of Wangji was a lot heavier in my eyes now that I understand the back story. If I were Wei Wuxian listening to all of that from Lan Xichen, I would probably have a meltdown right there at the doorsteps of the Silence Room.

Now we all know the source of inspiration of the infamous ‘I want to bring a man to Cloud Recesses. Bring him back and hide him’ in episode 25:

So after all of Xichen’s effort in telling Wuxian how Wangji actually feels about him through the tear-jerker story about their parents, Wei Wuxian STILL asked Lan Wangji WHY he was willing to seal Bichen and his own spiritual power so that Jin Guangyao would not hurt him. This dense man, of course, brought up the guilt card i.e. ‘Oh you don’t owe me anything’. I mean COME ON NOW YILING PATRIARCH! CAN YOU ACTUALLY BE THAT OBLIVIOUS WHEN IT COMES TO THE MAN THAT TOOK 300 LASHES ON HIS BACK FOR PROTECTING YOUR LEGACY?

I know it went the other way in the novel, where the big confession happened. Maybe a bite from Fairy could do you some good, or just talk to Lan Xichen some more and then you can start appreciating your soulmate the way he deserves.

The silver lining after being deprived of an epic love confession is everything that happened in episode 50. It might have not been spelling-it-out clear as in ‘I love you’ ‘I love you too’ because of the government censorship, but it’s easily the most obvious yet emotional type of ending the production team has worked to hard to deliver. If you are still having trouble processing the allegedly ‘ambiguous’ finale, I can help with that - here. Just a heads up: it’s a happy ending.

Good to know Wei Wuxian has the rest of his life making up to Lan Wangji. Everyday means everyday, because Wangji deserves THAT much!

#wei wuxian #wei ying #lan zhan #lan wangji #hanguang jun #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #chen qing ling #gusu lan #character analysis #thoughts #yiling patriarch #yiling laozu #xiao zhan #wang yibo #lan xichen

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sittingoverheredreaming · 4 years

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I have a lot of thoughts on how Age of Calamity could have worked better for me, but one thought I’ve had since the Demo that only got stronger after completing the game is the idea of putting Impa in Terrako’s role, because I’m just not fond of a robot changing everything instead of a character we know and love.

The game still opens with the original timeline calamity, but after the first shots of the castle the focus moves to Blatchery Plain, where the final battle is taking place. Impa watches from near Kakariko Village, where she and other Sheikah, are stationed to defend their home. She wants to run and help her princess, but is held back. You know this is how it was foretold, you know this is how it has to be, someone, possibly Purah, reminds her. (You cannot take the idea that the Sheikah as a whole had some knowledge that the events of BotW would happen in order for Ganon to be defeated from me). And so she waits, until Zelda’s powers awaken, until Link is taken to the shrine of resurrection and her princess approaches her to ask her to guide him when he wakes, her princess, who has lost so much, tells her that she is going to fight Ganon alone for as long as it takes. And as Zelda walks away, Impa breaks, she can’t let her suffer like this, she opens a time portal and jumps to before it all unravelled.

The first battle of Hyrule Field happens largely the same as in game, except everyone is surprised to see Impa there, rather than at the research lab or in Kakariko. No one more so than Zelda, who comments that it has been years since Impa has visited her. For a split second it’s clear how deeply sad about it they both are, but Impa quickly fakes a smile and says she’s missed her and it seemed like a great time for a visit. Later the King seems mighty unhappy about it, but reluctantly agrees to Zelda’s request to have Impa accompany her to approach the Champions. (Maybe Link doesn’t even get to go with her yet, and there are some parallel missions about him proving himself, and/or he happens to already be there for one or two of the battles, it’s easy to put him in Zora’s Domain with Mipha, but it also makes more sense to leave him out of the Gerudo Town mission).

At the end of the chapter, it’s revealed that the Yiga Clan and Astor have taken the opportunity to capture the original Impa from this timeline, having noticed the time travel using their own ancient technology and figuring out that the presence of the other Impa means no one will notice if the original is missing. Kohga interrogates her for information, but Astor states there may be a better use for her, and then the scene cuts to black.

That’s all we see of that Impa for a while, the story progresses much the same as it did originally (maybe with a little more adherence to BotW canon and some more character stuff, but that’s not my point here), with Impa inserting herself into every situation she can and trying to steer events away from the original timeline. Unfortunately, part of that is encouraging everyone to drop their use of Sheikah technology, which eventually leads to a fight with Zelda because You sound just like father! Is this why you came back? Just to be his puppet? And she says she doesn’t want Impa coming around her anymore, and she’ll be going to the Spring of Wisdom the next day without her. Impa panics but cannot change her mind, and when she tries to run after her Link blocks her way.

The next cutscene is at night in Zelda’s bedroom, where she tosses and turns unable to sleep. She then hears a noise outside, which turns out to be Impa, sneaking in through her window. She apologises, and says she was wrong, and claims Purah and Robbie have made a discovery that could change everything, Zelda should come see it now before her father can stop them. Zelda agress, relieved to have something other than the pressure of the coming day to focus on and follows behind Impa as she leads her out. Unseen by Zelda, Impa’s eyes flash with Malice-- she is this timeline’s Impa, controlled by Astor.

The next day, Zelda is nowhere to be found. The king is barely keeping composure, Link is being kind of a dumbass in where he looks for her for a little levity (is she behind this curtain? Is she under this table?), the champions, who have come to escort her too, are very uneasy and Impa is all but having a breakdown because she feels this is definitely her fault, and this is when it comes out that she time traveled from the future and the Calamity is going to erupt that very day. Then the search for Zelda gets really frantic, and eventually someone raises the question of wait, if you’re from the future, where’s the Impa that was originally here? They put together that the two disappearances are likely related and decide that the likely most fruitful course of action is to raid the Yiga hideout.

And so they go, and of course it’s a trap, the Calamity erupts while they are all occupied fighting Yiga lackeys (Kohga, Sooga, and Astor are conspicuously absent). Impa urges the Champions not to go to the Divine Beasts, but then the other Impa starts insisting that one is an imposter, that one tricked her and Zelda into being captured, and the Champions begin to falter. Why had she come from the future and only said so now? Was that some tall tale spun to keep them there while Hyrule fell? Why should they abandon the only hope of Hyrule winning this war? They are all in agreement, Link grabs a hold of Zelda and they depart, he and Zelda for the castle, the Champions to their Beasts, all the while Impa yells after them that they can’t win.

And then, once they’re gone, the other Impa begins to fight, Malice coursing through her, strengthened by the Calamity. It’s a playable up to a point, when Impa begs her to remember Zelda, to remember the point of everything, and there’s a quick set of flashbacks to them playing together as children, Impa defending Zelda from Bokoblins, them tinkering with Sheikah tech as young teens, and then just a series of quick flashes of Zelda’s face. The Malice disperses, the timeline’s original Impa quakes in fear of what she might have done, but resolves to change the outcome of the Calamity. Impa says they may not be able to do it alone, and they nod resolutely before the scene cuts.

The new Champions are brought from the future, much the same as before (but they’re enough to defeat the blights on their own without another character). The Impas rush to the castle, where Astor is waiting. Zelda is inside, he says, and soon she’ll die there. It was foretold.

That triggers another flashback. A fortune teller, younger than Astor, dressed suitably for an audience with the king, but unmistakably the same man, whispering to King Rohm those same words. You! screams the time traveling Impa. You caused all this!

They begin to fight, two against one, and Astor asks Can’t you of all people understand? How much have they asked of us, only to cast us out when we become inconvenient? What has our loyalty ever eared us?

Cut to King Rohm in the past, telling a child Impa that she must protect Zelda with her life. Cut again to him with a young teen Impa that Zelda can’t be distracted with any frivolous studies or games, and Impa is not to see her anymore.

In the present, both Impas appear to falter for a moment. Astor smiles and opens his hands to them. They look to each other, and nod.

And then completely obliterate him.

They make their way to Zelda and Link in the Sanctum, where Ganon’s power has converged for an endless assault on the hero. He’s protected Zelda, but he’s wearing down. For a moment it looks like the Impas are too late, but then the Divine Beasts strike! Maybe here there’s a mission for each of the Beasts complete with some cutscenes of each Champion pair.

Then, as Ganon is weakened, Link strikes again and again. Zelda despairs because even now, her sealing power will not awaken. The time traveling Impa tells her she knows she can do it, she’s seen her.

You have? Zelda asks, hope in her eyes for the first time since the Calamity started.

And then Ganon summons his strength to strike at Impa. She falls, badly injured, and Zelda and the other Impa run to her side while Link batters Ganon further.

Princess, Impa says with faltering breath. Your power has always been in your heart. I wish I had defied fate sooner.

Her eyes close, and Zelda lets out an anguished scream for her old friend. Her power explodes outward from her, the bow of light materializes and the final fight is played as her, taking Calamity Ganon head on.

She is victorious, but it is, it seems, a bittersweet victory. She emerges from the castle somber, Link trailing her, one Impa carrying the other.

But Age of Calamity is a triumph story, and Mipha has healing powers.

Impa comes too and has an emotional reunion, and then the new Champions agree it’s time for them to return to their own time. Goodbyes are had-- Sidon is particularly lingering, though he won’t say why-- and they all step into a portal Impa makes.

But then it doesn’t close.

Impa realizes that she has to return as well. She argues I fixed it! I belong here! But it is unmoving. She turns heavy hearted to say her goodbyes. The Impa that belongs there promises she’ll be at Zelda’s side from now on. Link nods. The Champions say their bit, and then she finds she doesn’t know what to say to Zelda, and ends up pulling her into a tight hug and then running through the portal without another word.

She finds herself back in her half-destroyed word, the bright sun of a peaceful Hyrule replaced with the dark clouds of the Calamity. Impa’s shoulders slump.

But then a portal opens up, and a letter flutters down, on stationary clearly marking it as from the Royal Family. Impa catches hold of it and smiles, a little piece of the victory she fought for now in her hands.

#age of calamity #age of calamity spoilers #impa #god this turned out long

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thespiralgrimoire · 4 years

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Would you consider posting your thoughts on the Twilight series? Because the bits and pieces I catch on your main are HILARIOUS though maybe it’s just because I find salt hysterical LOL

Oh good grief

Under a read more for my sake if not anyone else’s

The year was 2007. I was 11 year old, in 6th grade, nursing a substantial superiority complex over my classmates, and idolizing the 7th grade girls. This is where my story begins.

Now I won’t get into all the semantics as to why I was such an insufferable little garbage person in middle school, but I will tell you that I was convinced that I was not like other girls. While this proved true, my reasons as to why were completely off the mark in my tweens. Back then, I thought it was because I was smarter, wiser, and more mature than any of the other 6th grade girls in my class.

But not the 7th grade girls. The 7th grade girls were it, man. Nobody was cooler or smarter or more creative than the handful of ladies who were blessed with the patience to put up with my nonsense in middle school. So naturally, when they read Twilight, I read Twilight.

Twilight, if you have the good fortune to not be intimately aware of it by now, is about the Bella Swan, blandest girl in the entire world, moving to a small town to live with her emotionally awkward father, where she meets the Cullens, a clan of vampires who don’t drink human blood, because they’re trying to be morally upright. Her scent is irresistible to one of the vampires, (the only single one among them because the rest are dating each other) named Edward. Edward has the ability to read minds, and Bella is the only person he’s ever met who is immune to this power. I must stress again that she smells so good that he has to physically restrain himself from eating her, and murdering all witnesses. For reasons I can’t really remember now except “because that’s what the books are about”, they fall in love.

Here’s the thing about these books: Even as I was reading them, they gave me the creeps. Something in my little baby mind was vaguely aware that Edward was a messed up motherfucker, and Bella was a one-dimensional stand-in for the reader, and everything interesting in this story was happening on the fringes, facilitated by the far more interesting side characters. There were parts of these books that were uncomfortable to read. There were parts that made me seriously question why these books were so popular. There were parts that made it physically difficult to keep reading. About 3 things happen in the entirety of this series that feels good and satisfying, and none of them are things that the author, who I will derogatorily refer to as Smeyer, meant to be satisfying.

Two things kept me reading these books. The first was, obviously, the 7th grade girls, and my other friends in other grades who quickly caught the hype wave.

The second. Was the fact. That the writing style of these books, despite being the modem for a story that is absurd at best and a giant, flaming, stinking dumpster fire of bad takes, racism, and sexism at worst, is HYPNOTIC. A lot of my opinions about this series have changed drastically over the years, but this is one that I was acutely aware of even as I was reading these books. No matter how stupid or frustrating or repulsive the things that Smeyer is writing are, her writing style will not let you put the story down once you’re invested. And since I was reading these for social clout, I was invested on page 1. I want to believe that this was a trick played on my young mind, but after reading the first chapter of Midnight Sun (the newly released book that is literally just Twilight from Edward’s POV instead of Bella’s), I can confirm that this woman’s style is genuinely Like That. I enjoyed maybe 6 sentences of the 15-page chapter and I am still frothing at the mouth to read more.

So now that I’ve justified why I subjected myself to this shit in the first place, let’s get to some feelings about it.

Edward is a CREEP. He knows this. His family knows this. His love rival knows this. The only person who does not know this, rendering the fact completely inconsequential to the events of the story, is Bella. I’m not really willing to talk about how Edward is such a disgusting model for what young girls should expect out of a partner that there was discourse for MONTHS over Fifty Shades of Grey, but.... Edward is such a disgusting model for what young girls should expect out of a partner that Fifty Shades of Grey exists. It’s literally Twilight fanfiction. Fact check me. I wish I was making this up.

Bella is, as I said before, a cardboard cutout of a human being. The book is from her point of view, and includes copious amounts of her thoughts, and yet it’s still clear that she has absolutely no personality. She is supposed to be your Jane Everywoman, and yet there is not a single relatable thing about her. Her three personality traits are Brown Eyes, Clumsy (but not in a way that matters often), and Likes Edward. That’s it. This girl has nothing going on, which only draws more attenton to the fact that literally everyone else in the story has a rich and interesting backstory. But they’re side characters and this is about Stale White Bread Bella over here, so go fuck yourself if you want more information on Rosalie using her vampire abilities to get revenge on her fiance and his buddies, who assaulted her to the point of near death, or Alice, who sees the future and spent a good chunk of her life in an asylum, or Jasper, who was a Union soldier fighting the Civil War which was ALSO the vampire war???? Fuck off with that shit, this is about Bella.

But you know who the best characters are? The werewolves. But not REAL werewolves. These are Native Americans whose initial transformation is triggered by the proximity of the vampires, because vampires once terrorized their people and now this ability to turn to wolves is hereditary to protect themselves. The fact that these fellas are not REAL werewolves, and that there are real lycanthropes of lore, is mentioned in passing in the last book and never mentioned by anyone ever again.

One of these wolves is Jacob, Bella’s childhood friend and, for the first two books, an absolute sweetheart. Just a big goofball who’s a couple years younger than Bella, and all he wants is the best for her. Real wholesome shit. When Edward leaves her because he thinks that she’s too attached (SHE IS), Jacob literally talks Bella back from the brink. The wolf pack, and the Native American tribe, welcome her as one of them. They’re adorable. I can’t stress enough that they would have also been an excellent candidate for the focal point of this shitshow.

But it doesn’t last. Edward does some real dumb shit in Italy and Bella has to go rescue him, which tips off the Vampire Illuminati that Edward was trying to get killed by (i.e. the real dumb shit). They don’t like that Bella, a human, knows about them, and demands that she be turned. Edward’s family is divided on this. Eventually they decide that they got time because the Vampire Illuminati are ancient and don’t have a good enough sense of time to hold them accountable immediately.

So Bella is fine and Edward is fine and everybody is back in the same town and they’re dating again and literally everyone in the town is like Bella what the FUCK. Nobody likes Edward because they think he’s no good for Bella. They are written like the bad buys. Jacob especially, becomes a huge asshole. Because he decides that he’s in love with Bella now. Because werewolves can imprint on people, which is just a sloppy soul mate mechanic used for absolute evil in this story. He wants to fight Edward over her. Edward is chomping at the bit to throw down, but pretends to be the bigger person even though he’s just as big an asshole about all this as Jacob is. This is as misogynist as it sounds. From this point on Jacob is now also a creep.

Oh, but it gets worse!

I gotta talk about the last book in the series now, Breaking Dawn. Because this shit was so awful that it made me regret, instantaneously, ever second I spent enjoying Twilight.

Bella and Edward get married after they graduate high school because Edward is a religious virgin and Bella is HORNY. They go on their honeymoon. Bella gets pregnant. This is Not Something That Is Supposed To Happen.

Smeyer tells us WHY this happened post-canon. Edward, the virgin, has never nutted. Because of this, he still has living sperm in his balls. So when he boffed Bella, his 80-year-old sperm made it count. I wish I was making this up, y’all. I’m tearing up thinking about it.

Bella is now pregnant with a half-vampire baby that is destroying her body from the inside out. It is growing at an exponential rate. She’s eight months along after three weeks. Edward can hear its thoughts. It loves Bella. Bella has to drink blood or die. Jacob is like What the Fuck. I am also, pretty thoroughly like What the Fuck. A couple members of the Cullen family are, very quietly, like What the Fuck.

Queue the most forced and ineffectual pro-life discourse you’ve ever read in your life.

All is well and good until it’s not. Baby suddenly wants to get out of Bella RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY and thrashes so violently that it shatters every bone in her body between her ribs and her femurs. Edward has to rip her uterus open with his teeth. Baby is out. It has a full mouth of teeth. It bites Bella. Edward whips out several syringes full of his own saliva and injects them into Bella all over to make her change into a vampire. This is all written in disgusting graphic detail that still makes my skin crawl to think about. I cannot fathom why Smeyer was not made to tone this scene down.

So it takes a few days for Bella to change into a vampire, during which time the Cullens (and Jacob) have to look after her hellspawn of a daughter. Jacob decides that he must kill her, because she basically killed Bella. But--- surprise! He wasn’t in love with Bella! He was in love with the eggs in her womb-- particularly this one egg that is now a baby! No more crush on Bella! No more beef with Edward! He’s just in love with a newborn infant. I am, at this point, wondering in my little 12 year old mind, how this was allowed to be published.

Bella wakes up a vampire, and in her first display of rational thought through the entire series, does not like this. Don’t worry though, that’s quickly cancelled out by her naming her baby daughter Renesmee.

Renesmee is clearly supposed to be a sweet and gifted little angel that you’re meant to love, but frankly, all I can picture is the Chucky doll but quieter. She does not talk much, because she has the ability to share thoughts by touching people’s faces. She also grows super fast. In a few days she’s toddler age. Nobody knows what the fuck is going on and nobody has time to worry about it because the vampire Illuminati found out about this (a vampire friend of the family snitched) and they’re coming to fuck up the whole family.

There is a reason why they want to do this but it’s stupid and frankly I’m not going to explain it.

So the vampires mobilize. They call all their vampire friends because their plan is just to fight the thousands-years-old vampire Illuminati over this horrible child. For some reason dozens of vampires agree to this. They’re all smitten by Resume I guess.

So the illuminati comes, the family tells them that Ramune isn’t the problem that they think she is, and they leave.

That’s it. That’s the climax.

And then everyone gets their off-putting happily ever after: Bella and Edward can now fuck as much as they want because neither of them can die. Bella abandons her human life without so much as a second glance. Resonate will physically be an adult by the time she’s 7, which means that Jacob can start fucking her then. Bella’s dad sort of knows what’s going on, but doesn’t. For some ungodly reason I don’t make a bonfire out of these books.

You may notice, if you have any knowledge of Twilight, that there are whole plots that I didn’t talk about. That’s because I’ve surely forgotten things. While I read these books with what I can only describe as a manic fervor in my youth, I could never bring myself to reread them. On God, I tried. Multiple times in the last decade I have pulled my box set, hard covered Twilight books off my shelf, and opened them up. But I never even make it through the first chapter before I am so put off that I have to put them back. The plots are flimsy. The main characters are made of sand. The secondary characters are treated like garbage. The lore is disturbing.

And yet as soon as I heard that Midnight Sun was coming out, I knew that I must read it. I’ve made it through the first chapter. I do not know when and how I will make it through the next, but I know, for little middle schooler Theo’s sake, that I must.

Twilight? Horrible. Twilight Fandom? Geniuses.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#twilight #spinda tea #shinyshammie #this took a lot out of me #it's not even funny #we never really escape who we were at 12

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jedi-archivist · 4 years

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Path of The Dai Bendu Part 1: Initiate Chapter 2: Day to Day

After morning meditation is Force instruction. As Jedi Initiates, control is the first level of mastery. As Master Zepcira has said many times over, if you cannot remain in control of yourself, you will not be able to control your environment or surroundings.

The training of a Jedi is one that is always building off what has previously been learned. Thus Force abilities fall within three categories, taught in order: Control, Sense, and Alter.

The primary Force abilities taught under Control are Tutaminis - abilities related energy absorption, Curato Salvo - abilities related to healing, and Altus Sopor - abilities related to increasing one's focus in the Force.

Today your clan is practicing Tutaminis. Every day Master Zepcira let's your clan pick which skills to focus on. After all, you are Clan Heliost; the Clan of those who will hold great insight and wisdom. This did not stop the clan from bickering over what to learn.

Bho Wobbu, an Ithorian who liked braiding ribbons into bracelets for her classmates, had suggested Curato Salvo with a little too much pride when she added that healing was something she'd excel at.

Lok Darvorr, a fellow human who liked to think of himself as a leader but tended to lead trouble due to overconfidence, had wanted Tutaminis. He argued that a strong enough defense would be more than enough.

Duzadi had preferred to practice Altus Sopor, an area that could allow a person to become nearly invisible. You had thrown your support behind Duz, knowing it was always difficult for him to speak up in front of others.

This debate was a regular one between the three, usually popping up again a month later despite agreeing on a weekly lesson plan for what the clan would focus on. Master Zepcira allowed it to happen with only the occasional interference to keep the peace. After all, learning to argue, debate, and compromise would serve you and your clan well when you become Jedi.

Lok eventually won out this time, Duzadi's schedule having won last month. Now your weekly Force training looked like this:

Primeday - Tutaminis

Centaxday - Curato Salvo

Taungsday - Altus Sopor

Zhellday - Tutaminis

Benduday - Curato Salvo

You suppose that in another seven weeks it would change again. Regardless you got in your training and your clan started the second meditation of the day. This time you have no trouble slipping out of meditation when it's time to go to your History and Politics class.

Your clan leave together as Master Zepcira leads to another classroom, this one with desks. This was one of your favorite parts of the day, learning about history. The political side of it, less so. Adding to the challenge was the sheer number of different planets, each with a number of different cultures and customs. And yet, it was likely that you and your clan would one day visit many of these places and interact with these people.

It seemed hard to imagine things changing. You and your clan would eventually seek to become a padawan or perhaps join one of the service corps. Either way, whatever abilities you cultivated would help people, maybe even the entire galaxy. For now, though, you had to improve your math skills. You had just gotten back your quiz results and it looked pretty grim. Your other subjects were fairly strong, but you could see yourself and Duz helping tutor each other later tonight instead of going through the archives like you had wanted. For Duz's part, his weak spot was history. Still, he had a gift when it came to numbers and you could imagine him working on droids and computers for the order- skills that were high demand in the order, yet sorely lacking. Just like on tests, answering "The Force" to a given problem can only take you so far before it's not funny or effective.

After class was lunch. Today the food tasted bland and somehow made you think that if square had a taste it would be this. You always wonder about the food. It seemed to almost always be something different and varied on taste. You were half sure it was to give you a wide variety of food from different cultures. Lok like to think it was based on whatever the cook's happened to find when shopping. Duz didn't seem to care so long as he got to eat a lot of it.

Next was the third meditation of the day- this one almost always made you fall asleep sitting up since it was after lunch. It also meant you got chided by Master Zepcira for falling asleep instead of meditating.

Final activity of the day was physical training with Master Tera Sinube. Today you practice shii-cho, form 1, with training sabers. Going through the form's different stances is relaxing, almost meditative in it's own right.

The practice saber isn't very strong, getting hit with one might leave you with an uncomfortable tingling wherever you got hit but not cut or burnt. And though it isn't connected to you the way your lightsaber will one day be when you find your own kyber crystal, you feel a connection none the less. It feels part of you, like another part of your body and mind.

Eventually class ends. Next is the fourth meditation of the day. And then you have the rest of the evening. You and Duz make plans to meet later in the First Knowledge Quarter. Giving you enough time to wander around and speak to a Master.

You clear your head and begin wandering in a direction you feel pulled in, hoping the Force will guide you. You have been in nearly every area of the temple and every so often you have to stop and refocus on the guiding Force. Your own knowledge of the location distracts from its guidance.

Eventually you find yourself at a balcony overlooking one of the gardens. In a meditation position you see the familiar form of Master Dooku. You quietly go and kneel beside Master Dooku, waiting for him to notice you. After a handful of minutes Master Dooku speaks, his eyes still closed.

"Why are you here, Youngling?" You take a few seconds to find the words.

"Master, I think I have been having visions. Visions that… scare me." Master Dooku slowly opens his eyes and glances at you, studying you.

"And what do these visions show you?"

"I see a place in space surrounded by black holes, like walls. But beyond it is something...dark. Evil. It felt cold and lonely, but something worse underneath. It tried to reach out and touch me, but I did not accept it and that made it mad. Then I woke up."

"And what do you think this vision means?"

"I think something bad is coming or already here and we don't know it yet. But I don't know what it is and I think that scares me the most." Master Dooku nodded, his face difficult to read but you had the impression that he was pleased.

"It is good that you are honest with what you feel, Shirilla. Attempting to bury your emotions, even the negative, would leave you weak to the influence of the Dark Side." Master Dooku Pat's your head, a familiar gesture from one of the Jedi who had found and brought you to the order.

"However, I believe your vision is correct. I believe there is a threat to our very galaxy. I believe the Sith are returning." You feel yourself go cold at the word Sith. History had plenty to say on the atrocities they had committed.

"Then we need to tell the council!" You squeak. Master Dooku shakes his head.

"I have already suggested actions be taken." You sense more unsaid.

"Your leaving the order? Why?" You say. Master Dooku's face shows only a moment of surprise before his dignified expression returns.

"Yes. Serenno requires a strong leader. I must take my father's place now that he is passed. I will continue my investigation, I assure you." You feel that this is not the full truth, yet you cannot tell what isn't.

"Let me come with you, Master. I'm not a padawan yet, but I'm sure I can help!" Master Dooku's expression became severe, not harsh but clear.

"This is my path, dear child. Not yours. Complete your training and you will find your own path." You nod and promise yourself to learn all that you can, to grow strong, and one day find Master Dooku.

"Does Master Qui-gon know yet?" You ask. He was the other Jedi who had helped find you.

"Do not concern yourself in this matter. Everything will be taken care of. Now, I am sure you have your studies to attend to." You nod and get up. But before you leave you give Master Dooku a hug. He returns the hug, albeit awkwardly- Master Dooku did not care for such things but you got to be a rare exception.

As you leave you see a smile on Master Dooku's face. It seems happy but also sad. Remembering something, you yell.

"May the Force be with you!" You see the Master wince at your volume and then you are gone.

You go to your study time with Duz and you help each other improve your weaker studies. You end the session with the final meditation of the day- being a youngling meant meditating at least five times a day. You walk back to your quarters, this time taking your time, though you know you will have to get up early in the morning again. You like looking at the temple's art and architecture. You sometimes point something out to Duz and tell him about it. There was always something new you never noticed before.

Duz liked to joke that you'd have more time in the morning to look if you got up earlier. You would return with a scandalized look that never failed to make him laugh.

You lay in bed and know you will sleep well tonight. Whatever you saw or felt this morning would not trouble you for now. The future is not certain, it is constantly moving and changing. But your path felt more solid and you would trust that.

<---

#star wars #jedi reader #fanfic #count dooku #This one not as good but next part is going to be better #I promise

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therealms-number1angirl · 5 years

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Willo Appreciation Post

Not sure how good this is, didn’t really read the finished copy, but needed to get this out there, so enjoy, if you want.

This is a rant. It has no real train of thought, and it was written between several different writing sessions. You have been warned.

So this is just long-winded, so if you don’t care, just ignore this long, long, long, rant. To start this off, you should know that there will be quite a lot of Elena salt. Like the amount of salt that I’d give Nightwalker in a small post.

So, we’re gonna start from the very beginning. We all know what happened between Willo and Gavan Bayar. And after that, so many things happen at once for this poor, poor girl.

I’m pretty sure in Demon King it mentioned that Willo was either just past or almost at her Name Day. She was probably like 16. During the scene in Demon King when Willo was telling her story, I’m pretty sure that Elena said something like, “she took the ring. You all know not to take jewelry from strangers.” Which, yes, is good advice, but it felt a lot like shaming. I can one hundred percent believe that Elena would shame her for having a wizard baby… but seriously?!

Now, she’s like 16-17 may have a wizard baby, her ‘mentor’ is shaming her, she probably has to also take care of her niece (because we never actually know anything about Bird’s parents, other than we can assume one of them is related to Willo). To top it all off, Elena goes up to her and is like,

“Hey, here’s this super dangerous Demon King spawn. I told his mother he was possessed, added these magical cuffs to his wrists to stop his magic, and need you to take care of him, because I can’t let him anywhere ‘near Demonai camp. Also, you cannot let him know any of what I just told you. Good? Have fun!”

And no, you cannot change my mind that that is what happened.

And you know what? Willo took care of him, her own son, and her niece! She was more of a mother to him than his own mother! (Not that we can blame her… ELENA!!!) She gave him a place to stay, gave him new clothes, and even had to take care of his going to college with his girlfriend phase!

While she’s putting up with her adopted street lord, she also has to take care of her WIZARD SON who is being kicked out of his home by… you guessed it, HER FORMER MENTOR!!!

Don’t even get me started on when Bird started dating Nightwalker.

Then her son(s) are going all the way to Arden, a place that hates wizards, and now her niece is dating… Nightwalker. So, she still has a pretty rough year.

And only 6 months later, Han is being called back from school to help fight the man that scarred her all those years ago. And to make it even better, when he gets back he is carrying a shot and poisoned princess heir, half poisoned himself, and is obviously in love with this girl.

Somehow, it gets worse. The kid that she’s been raising since he was a baby, who nearly killed himself to save this girl, is now being accused of shooting her by her niece’s boyfriend. (if anyone hates Nightwalker more than me and Han it is Willo)

She can’t even work in peace, because Elena is right there. (If I was Willo, I would’ve hit Elena at least once)

Of course, then Raisa wakes up and makes a whole new problem for Willo. She is in love with Han too!

Willo, has a nice talk with Han. And, instead of doing what any other rational person, especially a clan-folk, would do, she tells him that Raisa loves him too! And sometime in all that is happening, she manages to sew Raisa a cape, which I think is impressive all by itself.

Okay, so we get to Raisa’s coronation celebration, and this is a huge point to Willo that I just need to endorse.

Willo gives a speech about equality with wizards. Willo gives a speech about them all living in peace and unity. Willo goes in front of a huge group of her people and tells them that they should make peace with the people that they’ve held a grudge against for a thousand years!

That would be awe inspiring all on it’s own, but it’s even greater when you get more details.

The only other person that thought about doing what Willo did, at the time, was the QUEEN! And even Raisa didn’t have the courage to make a speech like that.

And then, you have to think about everything that Willo has gone through. Yeah, the wizards and the clans fought each other a thousand years ago and have been locked in a grudge match the entire time. Yeah, neither group are good to each other. But, you know what. Willo has the most reason out of all of them to hate the wizards!!!

Nightwalker and Elena and Averil talk about how much they hate the wizards and how bad they are, but what did one personally do to any of them? As pointed out by Han, most clan have never even SEEN a wizard before. Let alone fought them!

Willo was actually spelled, raped, and impregnated by one! She has the most reason out of all of them to hate them, and yet she’s the one asking for unity.

And then, to make Willo even better? She took down the Bayars. She went with Han to that council meeting. She had faith in him when literally no one else did (even Han himself), and faced down Gavan Bayar. Not only that… she WON. And she stayed alive.

Willo was also super supportive and loving towards her future daughter-in-law, which is not something that you see in the media today. Or in real life.

She got her people out of Marisa Pines as fast as possible, and managed to keep her head.

When Han called a meeting for the clans, Willo immediately knew that something was wrong, and was one of the first to defend him.

Willo literally talked back to CLAN ROYALTY. Something that several other people have yet to do, maybe minus Dancer, but the things that Willo said were like real roasts. Examples:

“You had no problem using Hunts Alone against the Bayars.” -Willo, interrupting Elena talking about how the Naeming forbids the clans from working with wizards.

“‘He is what you and Elena created, Light Foot.’ Willo said, standing herself. ‘He is offering you the same kind of choice you gave him.’” -Willo, when Averil threatened Han.

Willo was the first matriarch(/patriarch but I don’t know the general term for that, so…) to agree to the truce, and she was the only one to do it willingly!

After Marisa Pines was taken over by Southerners, and Willo came back, she still greeted everyone with deep respect. That’s nice, of course, afterwards, she kind of just stood there while all the drama was unfolding. Though, in Willo’s defense it was probably taking a lot of self-control not to yell at Elena and Averil herself, THEY TRIED TO KILL HAN WITHOUT EVEN CONFIDING THEIR PLANS TO HER, and was probably just enjoying the fact that they were finally getting what was coming for them.

Now, since this is already 3 pages long, I’m not even gonna get into the Shattered Realms… I might have to make a whole other post for that tbh.

In summation, Willo is a bad-ass.

The reason I made this post was because there are so many other characters that are given recognition (whether good or bad) in the series itself and by the fans. There are other characters too, like Jemson of course, but most of them are given their recognition in the stories themselves. Willo has just done so much, and after re-reading for the dozenth time, you start to notice a lot more stuff that you don’t catch the first time around.

I’m sorry for this long post, especially if you’re just kind of scrolling past it or whatever. Thank you to anyone that did read. Feel free to add on, or correct me, because it’s been a long while since I’ve read the first book.

#willo appreciation #willo watersong #elena cennestre salt #nightwalker salt #averil salt #han alister #gavan bayar #fire dancer #raisa ana’marianna #hayden fire dancer #seven realms

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highqueenjude · 5 years

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can you write a cardan confession? a lot of angsttt

After a year, I finally answered this. Sorry for the wait, nonnie. I changed it up a little bit from what you probably intended but I hope you enjoy :)

Also: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for 500 followers! It’s actually pretty insane that many people enjoy what I post put up with me, so a HUGE thank you for that.

read on ao3

~set after TWK~

It has been three months since Cardan banished Jude Duarte, his wife and the High Queen of Faerie, from her own kingdom and into the mortal world. He hates himself for the way her eyes had found his the second after he announced her fate, tortured and betrayed. He hates how her lips had trembled and that he was the one to cause it.

It hurt, seeing her brought low.

It hurt even more because, in order to protect her, he had to laugh with all the others when she declared that she was the Queen of Faerie. He had never wanted to cause her pain, but it had been necessary. If he had not denied being her husband, there would have been an immediate target on her back.

And if something happened to Jude because of his love, then he would not be able to live with himself.

So he keeps her away and instead keeps his enemies closer. Nicasia, as the Undersea's ambassador, is always near him. It is necessary, and oh how he loathes it. He needs to have something of value to Orlagh in his possession, or she will unleash her war upon the land. He must keep the sea in line for the sake of his people.

Still, his patience wears thin with Nicasia. It is beyond difficult not to bring Jude back. Fate tests him every day, and today is no different. He feels as if he might burst. As if he might fall apart if he doesn't hold Jude and tell her that she is the most important person in his entire world.

Cardan glances at Nicasia with disgust. She is practically laying on top of him, her hand twirling his hair. She is talking, but he cannot find it in himself to listen. Her other hand comes to rest on his chest, right above his heart, and he has had enough. He stands abruptly and she topples onto the floor of the dais.

"Leave me," he commands, not bothering to see her pout as she departs, stiff and aggravated.

Cardan smoothes out his clothes and goes down and into the Court of Shadows. Once he arrives, he does not announce himself right away. No, he has found that he rather enjoys just . . . watching. Watching the Court scurry about, plotting and preparing and keeping a thousand secrets close to their chests. He gazes around at the faces that have become as familiar as the back of his leg—or however way the mortal phrase is said to go.

The Ghost is long gone, to a place he knows not. A few of the court is missing, either by death or the desire to seek work elsewhere. It turns out that betrayals leave scars that some wish to bear alone.

Cardan knew all about that, therefore he did not stop those who wished to leave. Now, there is only a handful left to do his bidding, not that he has much use for them anyway. They were more Jude's underlings than his.

They don't question him when he alerts them to his intended departure, but the Bomb approaches him after and asks if his little adventure is in any way relating to Jude. He cannot lie, and the fidgeting of his mouth gives him away all too easily. He will have to work on that.

"Ah," she says with a knowing smile, "I see. Do not worry, my king. Give the Queen my regards." She bows to hide her grin.

Cardan swallows at the mention of the alias but doubts that the Bomb knows exactly how much truth she speaks.

"Thank you," he says. "If anyone resolves to visit the king, tell them that I will be back around the setting of the moon, if not earlier. I do not plan to stay longer than that."

With this, he withdraws from the Court of Shadows to find himself transportation.

. . .

It does not take long to get from the palace to Vivienne's apartment by way of a Ragwort steed. She had given him the location to send his letters to, in the time before he had exiled Jude, and he had memorized the path to get there.

It is a small place, one he cannot image Jude living in happily. He stops at what appears to be an entrance and knocks tentatively at the door. It takes a few moments, but it eventually opens, and he is greeted with—

Nothing. Until he moves his eyes down to find Oak's curious eyes staring up at him.

"Hello," Oak says, but the word comes out in a jumbled rush.

"Hi."

"Why are you here?" asks Oak with a child's bluntness.

"To see Jude. May I come in?"

Then a voice—Vivi's, he thinks—calls from further inside the apartment. "Oak?"

Oak turns back to Cardan and fidgets. "I don't think that Jude wants to see you right now."

Oh. The admission stings him, though it shouldn't. Jude has every right to be furious with him, with her husband who banished her from her own kingdom.

"Oak?" Vivi again. She comes into his view and sucks in a deep breath when she sees her king. "Oh."

"Hello, Vivienne," Cardan replies smoothly, hiding the insistent pain in his chest. A part of him had wished it were Jude that had met him in the doorway instead. Okay, that was a half-truth—all of him wished that Jude was here, and the two of them were alone.

Her voice turns cold. "You shouldn't be here, your highness."

"I need to see her."

"Unfortunately for you, she's not here at the moment."

"Then where can I find her?"

Vivi doesn't answer him and turns to Oak instead. "How about you go pick out a movie for us to watch, yeah?"

Oak nods slowly and rushes out of sight. Vivi steps outside the apartment and closes the door partially, so as not to let the sounds of their conversation carry inside.

"You should know that you hurt my sister and that she hates you for it. I will not stand to see her like that again. So no, Cardan, I will not give you her location. Take my denial of your wish and sulk if you like, but that will not change it."

"You do not know the depths of my regret. What I did, I did in order to protect her. I should not even be here now, for I am risking her safety, but I must speak with her," he implores.

"I don't think that you quite understand. She doesn't want to see you."

"I know. I would not want to see me, either, but this must be done," his voice is powerful, commanding.

Vivi contemplates for a moment, her gaze directed at the puddles forming from the drizzle of rain.

"You sound like a king," she admits at last.

A corner of his mouth lifts up in imitation of a smile.

After quiet deliberation, Vivi speaks. "I'll tell you where she is, so long as you promise me that you will not hurt her again."

"It is not my intention, and it never was."

She gives him a look, to which he sighs in exasperation. "I promise I will not hurt Jude again. Now may I see her?"

Vivi nods, as satisfied as she can be. "Jude is at the mall, a few miles away. I can't take you, but I'll draw you a map."

He watches her retreat into the apartment, and return a minute later with a scrap of green paper. She hands it to him without ceremony. The top of the note sticks to his hand as he looks it over, confused at all of the lines and names for roads.

"Thank you," he says, genuine.

"Bye, Cardan."

"Goodbye, Vivi."

She closes the door, and he takes his leave, following the path to the mortal mall and Jude.

. . .

Mortals are weird, he decides. They walk hunched over as if they were born deformed, and they do not seem to have many clothes that fit them; some wear pants that are two sizes too small, while others don baggy shirts two sizes too big. How they manage to walk and perform mundane tasks is a wonder to him.

Cardan tries very hard to avoid them, of course. But then there are other mortals, and they walk in clans, it seems. In these groups, there are both male and female teenagers that wear the tightest garments he has ever seen. It looks horribly uncomfortable.

He wanders for a while, searching for Jude. There are many brunettes, many fierce looking-girls, but too many are not his.

Cardan walks farther along and passes the food court. A laugh rings out, and he would have passed by without a glance had it not sounded familiar. He turns and there, standing among a small group of people, Jude stands. Her back is turned, but he would know her anywhere.

His heart is in his throat, and he shifts on his feet awkwardly, debating whether or not he should just go up to her or walk away. Cardan never thought himself a coward, but at the moment he feels like one. He feels like running, he feels like taking Jude with him. Because she is there with two other people—a dark-skinned boy and a stout girl, both around Jude's age. Something pulls at his heart, strengthens his resolve to steal his wife away.

Cardan has not been jealous many times in his life, but he knows that he does not like the feeling. So that is why, without any further contemplation, he promptly strides up beside Jude and slips his hand into hers.

In less than a second, before he even has time to blink, his arm is being twisted in a way it should not. He bites his cheek in discomfort, but just as quickly as it happened, the strain on his arm is released and the pain stops.

"Cardan?" Jude is incredulous. Her eyes are wide and she looks both awed and furious. Her companions have taken a step back, surprised. Either at how Jude reacted to him holding her hand or that she knew him, he could not say. It did not matter, anyway. Jude was there.

"Jude," he breathes. It sounds reverent even to his own ears.

Her hands tighten into fists, but she does not respond, only turns to her flabbergasted friends and says through gritted teeth, "If you will excuse us for a moment?" It is not a question. Even if it was, Jude would not wait for their approval. She grabs Cardan by the arm and pulls him along, gripping his arm too tight for comfort.

Jude does not look back at her friends, not as they exit the mall or walk across the expansive parking lot. They do not speak, but Cardan continuously glances at her. She does not turn her head, though he knows that she notices him staring.

Once they make it onto the grass of a nearby park, Jude whirls to him and pushes him against a thick tree trunk, a knife to his throat. He does not question why she always seems to have at least eight knives with her at all times, not anymore. He does not question the laugh that bubbles up in his throat, either.

Her eyes are murderous. "What," she seethes. "Are you," she presses the flat of the blade harder against his throat. "Doing here?"

He wants to say so many things. He wants to tell her how he has missed her, how it is hard without her. Come back, he wants to beg. He knows it is still not safe—will never be safe—for her in Elfame. Many want him dead, and if any of them knew that Jude was his wife, then they would be after her, too. Stay away, he needs to say but doesn't.

"I needed to see you," he confesses instead.

"And I needed you," she retorts, but her voice breaks at the end. It comes out in a rush, surprises them both.

"I am sorry, Jude."

She grits her teeth and glances to the sky before returning her gaze to his. "Sorry is not enough."

He knows. They both do, in a way. It will never be enough, he does not think. Not while she does not understand why he had to send her away.

"It is not safe for you in Faerie right now," he says, searching her eyes, for what, he doesn't know. Maybe just to look because he can. Maybe to drink her in while she allows his presence.

"Faerie was never safe for me. Why is now any different?" she bites out, teeth bared. He can tell she is holding back a barrage of emotion, all of which are slowly tearing at her.

"Right now is different. There are those who wish to kill me, and—" he holds up a hand and she closes her mouth—"I do not wish for you to be a target because of me."

"Why do you even care? You did not care about my heart then, why do you care about it now?" Jude is crying, and her hand with the knife lowers.

Cardan swallows. "Because I am selfish."

Jude scoffs, tears still trailing down her cheeks. Cardan moves his hand, slowly, not wanting to frighten her into retreating. He wipes her tears away slowly. She watches him, blinking rapidly.

"Do you know how hard it was for me?" her voice comes out in a whisper. "Do you know what it is like to take odd jobs just to get a taste of Faerie again?"

Cardan had made sure to keep Jude on his radar at all times. He knew when she would take jobs and what they entailed. And he tells her just that.

"I know about your jobs, Jude." He watches her, hears her breath hitch in her throat. "I know about every job, from first to last. I know when you took them, what you did." He pauses, looks down. Grits his teeth because this is hard for him, this blatant show of emotion. "I made sure you returned to your apartment safely each time. It was the least of what I could do."

This is the least of what we can do. The words sweep them into a memory that feels like a lifetime ago. By the riverbank, Cardan watching as she shivers in her soaked clothes, clawing her way out of the water. The moment they share together, then, does not feel all that different from drowning.

"Thank you."

He thinks that she means for her words to come out in a snarl, but they are a whisper, a breath on the wind and barely heard.

He nods. A beat passes, two. Cardan says the condemning words, the words he will curse himself over and over and over again for. He says them because he is a selfish creature. Because he is a lonely creature.

"Come back with me."

Jude's face shutters, as if a shockwave is rolling through her. "Do not deny me again."

He never denied her, they both know this. But he did not claim her either, not when she needed it most.

"I promise not to deny you ever again." He is making a lot of promises lately.

Jude smiles, and for the first time in many long months, Cardan feels his heart gallop, feels his chest swell inside the carcass he had resided in while Jude had been gone. He feels whole.

#cardan greenbriar #jude duarte #the cruel prince #the queen of nothing #the wicked king #tqon #twk #jude duarte x cardan greenbriar #tcp #cardan x jude #tcp fanfic #twk fanfic #qon fanfic #tqon fanfic #edit: i forgot to put in tags oops

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dreamingsushi · 5 years

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The Untamed - Episode 4

I really love the first part of the opening theme for this drama, before it all becomes epic. The music is so soft and the sound of guzheng. I enjoy it really much. The second part... Am I the only one that thinks it sounds a little bit like a team that would be used for Super Smash Bros? I like it, my point is just that if a video game had that theme, I would love it even more. I am not against a game based on that drama though. That could be nice! Anyways, I just wanted to share a little bit my love for the first half of the opening because it so soothing for my soul and it just takes you on a journey to ancient China. Puts you in the right mood.

On the next morning, after Wuxian, Jiang Cheng et Yanli got to the Lan clan, all the disciples from the different clans reunites to pay their respects to the leader of the Lan clan. Each clans sent nice presents. While the numerous rules are read to all of them, Wuxian befriends his desk neighbour: that guy brought in with him a little bird. Clearly, Wuxian is a really friendly person and gets along with everyone easily. However, his whisperings catches the attention of Lan Zhan who’s not really happy about people chatting at that time and when Wuxian tries to greet him, he blatantly ignores him.

People from the Wen clan comes to the gate and try to get in too. However, the gate guardian tells them that without the invitation, they cannot come in. Same creepy and scary guy from earlier decides that he does not like that answer and sets fire to the throat of that guy. It’s Wen Qing that saves the poor guy that was just doing his job and she tells Wen Chao to keep low, that’s not what they are there for. They enter without further due and interrupt Jiang Cheng while he is offering the present from is clan.

Everybody is quite surprised, because usually people from the Wen clan never go to the teachings of the Lan clan. Wuxian can’t shut his mouth and provokes the other clan to what closely could have become a fight. However, they are stopped by the elder son of Lan clan’s chef: his flute playing controls the weapons. Right again, Wen Qing steps forward and calms things down by offering their present as she and her little brother are going to attend the teaching. Once that is done, they draw back and leave.

Xichen, elder son of the Lan clan, is concerned about the sudden interest the Wen clan has in the teaching. They never ever were, which is kind of suspicious. And he is wondering if the soulless bodies aren’t related to the Wen people. They can’t confirm, so for now they can only keep being vigilant.

Wuxian takes his new friend, Nie Huaisang, fishing. That’s when he hears a weird sound : it’s Wen Qing throwing a needle towards a magic barrier. He goes on to meet with her and asks her about her purpose for coming to that part, but she ignores him and leaves without answering any questions. I think Wuxian has a nose for fishy stuff. No puns intended here.

During lessons, Wuxian isn’t exactly what we could call a very studious student. He falls asleep, plays pranks on the master... it was inevitable that he would be called out. When he gets put back in his place, instead of taking it as a lesson and sitting silently while listening to the lecture, he actually asks a lot of questions and thinks of ways that aren’t acceptable. Because of that, he gets punished to copy a thousand times the rules. Lan Zhan is sent with him to check that he does it completely. Jiang Cheng seems pretty embarrassed by Wuxian’s behaviour.

After he’s been kicked out, Wuxian befriends Wen Ning. But while doing so is interrupted by Wen Qing. It seems she doesn’t really like when people gets closer to her brother. Anyways, he asks her again what is she doing at the back of the mountain and with how fast she responds, he surely did hit the mark when saying maybe she’s looking for something. So right after she leaves, he also goes and have a look. And then encounters Lan Zhan. A very unhappy Lan Zhan, but actually he always look unhappy anyways.

The episode just stops here. To be honest I wasn’t expecting for the flashback to keep on going for so long, to a point that now I wonder if it will ever end. I am not complaining, I really enjoy it, but I would like to know what happens back at the mountain where Wuxian drops his flute because Lan Zhan grabbed his arm. I want to know if they will recognize him and solve the mystery. I guess I still can wait a little bit, seeing how those two could have grown to be friends might be quite interesting!

#the untamed #陈清令 #cdrama #chinese drama #drama recap #drama review

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kazamastar · 6 years

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Welcome to 2019

Version 3.0 : Final Version - Wow. February and finally, the 9th is here. All of you my 488 followers can finally enjoy it (372 by the end of 2017). I’ve never been that late to write a sum up but it’s pretty obvious that if it took me so much time to do it, then deep down I didn’t want to do it. Indeed I was about to let that sink in and leave this post with the version 2.0. But I remembered I had one person to honor. And this is what this year 2018 is about : focusion on the good actions and the good people. Because spoiler alert : this year 2018 have been on some other level of shit. More than 2013, 2014 and 2017 combined.

Pic : Plot twist. No more smile. No more bowtie.

Well let’s do some quickmaths : as i said we upgraded from 372 to 488 followers (and roughly 2,241 posts). For the 9th time I have to say that I have mad love for y’all (except fake pr0n blogs, y’all aint shit). For the humans that still follow me : thank you. And I’ll have even more love for the poeple who read this until the end haha. I have to apologize because these last months my tumblr looks pretty much like a mess, between the heartbreaking lyrics, quotes, passive agressive posts than only a few people can understand ... And that’s all because of that one follower I lost (y’all understood it was an euphemism). But to be accurate, I don’t want this post to become another heartbreak post : there are already too much of them on my tumblr. Indeed, it’s one of the main contraints I forced myself to write under. Because “l’art naît de contraintes” (Art rises from contraints) like Van Gogh said. So : not another heartbreak post where I pour my heart out for a girl who won’t even read it (guess I’ve done enough with the Helsinki post). But it’s kinda difficult because this break up is the main reason my 4 last months of 2018 (and on...) have been so so awful and so much things happened because of this. But nevermind I’ll do my best. I’ll do my best because like I said, this post is more about love. This break up surely made me less human, mistrustful, but still, I’m writting because I’ve seen beautiful actions that had to be honored. But we’ll see that later. What other contraints for this 9th sum up ? A young lady I’ve met this year challenged me to write 2 good things for 1 bad that happened to me this year. I’m sorry, I failed ahah. I found more good than bad, but that 2 for 1 ratio was a bit too much ahah. Désolé ma grande ;) And because of this, I had to have a kind of draft for writting, even though I always told myself these sum up needed to be written without drafts, to keep them kinda “natural”. Looks like I’m taking this more and more seriously haha. Well, when I say that this year have been worse than my 3 worst years combined this is not a joke. Have you ever told yourself for example “Wow I left all my stuff in the car, I would be deadly unlucky if someone would break into it and stole everything !” ...Yes, that’s that level of mischance. Because this happened to me btw. And that’s the spirit of this whole year. In “Welcome to 2016″ I remember talking about “mala suerte” ... that was bullshit, 2018 is the real mala suerte. The heartbreak of this year is the worst of my whole life by far, then I’ve been close to what I dreamt of in karate, what I fight for since 2011, had 2 chances to get it this year and I still not got it by a hair’s breadth. Dad got into a crash car, hopefully only the car got wrecked. (so sad it won’t take me again to Andorra haha) People kept on deceiving me. Close friends but also unknowns.

People close to me know how much I cherish friendship. If you’re my friend and you’re not doing well, then I’m already on my way to yours to fix you. No exceptions. Even faster if it’s because of a heartbreak, because heartbroken people should never feel lonely. It’s that simple. SO when I see fuckers I have been there for through ups, downs and heartbreaks and these people are not even able to give it back to me I can’t help being mad. And I don’t act like that in order to make people give that kindness back to me, that’s not the purpose. But I do hate ungratefulness. So, I had to go through a heartbreak again and I saw people disappear again. So that’s enough lines wasted talking about these people. I also have to talk about those who were there. In 2018 I also found an awesome training partner and got closer to her clan. That’s a positive energy I really needed on that 2nd half of 2018. Par ailleurs, tu liras surement jamais ça mais je me permets une parenthèse pour te dire encore une fois Merci Julie pour avoir sauvé ma vie. This kind of old friendship is priceless to me. We can also talk about some young friendship : in march I met someone (almost my best 2018, except I didn’t manage to define an encounter good enough to define it as the best of 2018) who made me go deeper into Tekken, making me getting closer to the Tekken community in Tls. Funny how I always dreamt of this when I was a kid and this is happening. Indeed I’m living the shonen life : I’m in a group (where I met some really lovely people), I’m not the strongest but hell I do what I can to improve and that’s begining to pay even if i won’t forget the 68-0 against sensei, and like in karate I still aim to the top. It’s funny to be inside another competitive world where people don’t have all the values we have in karate. Some of these Tekken people (in the whole country, not only in Toulouse) show off, are mean to each other etc ... And also like in karate, we admire asians for being the best to do it in the whole world. What else ? I became a karate teacher. Took me a bit of time, it wasn’t hard but just took me time and dedication. I still met some great people all along this experience. I made peace with the old pals, vacays together were really incredible. Some of the sweetest days of this year. One of the sweetest day this year was the day I worked hard as hell and went back “home” to the one I love. What a lovely feeling. But I guess we didn’t lived it the same way ... Then, I also had the chance to make a karate lesson in the 1st place I’ve been taught karate !!! This was outstanding because I love to give back to those who gave me, and I love to inspire people. So, it was such a pleasure to tell these kids “I was standing where you are now. I started like you and I’ve been getting stronger and stronger. If I did it you can do it too !!!”. I truly believe some of those kids are about to be deadly strong, hopefully I’ll be done with competition haha. Talking about competition, i sadly lost my title in Andorra by mid June. At the end of the competition, I promised to come back stronger and to revenge but there will be no revenge as this competition will not be repeated in 2019. Indeed, this Andorra 2018 was a great competition and a great trip. A cool trip, great team, great mates, a lot of alcohol, a good hotel room, and love ... so much love. A deadly hangover, but a lot of love. Sadly, there would not have been love again, as 1414 who was my coach for the weekend, my partner on the tatami and in life decided to take a different path from mine. Indeed, I promised to not talk too much about that but this is all the 2nd half of 2018 is about : me trying not to drown because of this heartbreak and it feels like everything is related to that. I got cocky and forgot the 1st and only love lesson my father taught me “nothing lasts forever, mostly in love”. Damn he was right. Even my mother was right for not trusting her at the begining, and God knows she’s never right usually. I won’t even mention what that break up costed me. But as the big bro says : there were no house, no kids, no joined bank account ... Only wasted times and dead dreams now. “La mort d’un rêve” ... it’s still something painful. S. is now a dead dream. I cannot imagine my own flesh meeting some destructive people like the ones I met and going through hard times like I’m going through. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. So no more S. and no more L., and it’s a hell of a problem as I’ve always built my life around the fact that I wanted them. And it’s painful because I wanted them with her. Nevermind, no one will ever know “what a great father I could be” as 1414 said. So much dreams. Gone. My 5 brothers took care of me as much as they could and they did amazingly great. I’ll never thank God enough for putting these guys into my life. Hope they know how much I love them. That was sad to see another one of them going back to his motherland but ... what an amazing last evening in Toulouse we spent. I’ll never forget this one.

Still talking about the break up and all the bad that happened this year : tbh I couldn’t draw good lessons from all of these bad things. Really. But like I said, I’ve seen good things coming from good people. So now I need to talk about 27. First of all, 27 was right on so many levels. (yes, I use numbers to not drop real names). Those who know me know that I love to experience, live everything. I would have been better without this heartbreak but still, it taught me new things. I could understand 27 better. When she talked about hell, she wasn’t joking at all. The doubts, the negativity, the hate, self-hate ... I think that’s too much to handle. But still, she still tried to help me when she saw me going through that hell. I couldn‘t thank her enough for this and that must be remembered. This is the whole reason I still wanted to write this sum up, in spite of all the bad things that happened. It was like : a soul lending a hand to another soul. Merci. Je ne l’oublierai jamais, je t’en dois une belle. Et toujours d’une âme à une autre. Tu dis le contraire mais tu as une belle âme et je suis sûr qu’il te reste beaucoup d’amour à donner. Tu as trop à donner à ce monde (en espérant que tu me lises un jour)

Also, I could understand 26 better. [...] And 26 still have the most beautiful smile in the whole world. No transition : Najwa Zebian said that « it’s unfair that new people in my life will have to destroy walls around me they didn’t even built » (btw I love this woman, she also had a big impact on my life through her reflexions) and I can tell she’s right but … trusting people is so hard these days. I really don’t know what to think about this statement. I think I’ve always been picky about who I let close to me and I still got fucked up by my ex-lover, my entourage … It’s all about who to trust, who to let in and who to cut … And it feels like I’ve been making the wrong decisions for years.

It’s starting getting late so let me end up with facts nobody cares. Neutral facts : I discovered lofi this year, my hero academia (FUCKING AWESOME !!!!), Tokyo Ghoul, 7DS, sword art online (great !!), la casa de papel, stranger things, sherlock, IP MAN 3, the good place, misfits, Juice Wrld blew up this year, NAV, Dosseh ... Funny how I discovered some of the saddest love song this year haha. Bad facts : I got injuried a lot. Females still played me a lot. Indeed I realized females are cruel but I still love them. This might be the proof we don’t chose our sexual orientation haha. Then, I couldn’t train properly from Sept to Dec. Oh, I can’t listen anymore to : Nicki, Kehlani, Rihanna or Cardi B. “More life” or “Views from the 6″ are albums I can’t listen to anymore. Well, GOOD FACTS now ! : Got a karate gi from J. (outstanding move), I put the young bloods in high school at Tekken and mangas haha. I met 80′s family and it was like a dream and I’m sure I got luckied in another dimension haha. 80 and 90 are still close to perfection in my eyes. 30 is still 30, with good and bad moods. I’m in peace with the sensei. I also received one of the best gift of my life. I learned that I was able to train by myself thanks to my power of mind ! To finish, I saw that I was able to forgive and still give love, even if it was pointless and too late.

Well, 2019 has already started and this will sure be a hell of a ride (January was ... special) as now I’m like on some quicksand shit. Let’s go ! And let’s not forget those 2018 that marked this year and I’ll surely be listening to in a decade (you need to know that I still listen to all the songs in the previous sum ups !). Enjoy :)

2018 Playlist

Dvsn - The morning after

Youv Dee - Opening

Tory Lanez - 48 floors

Roy Woods - Instinct feat MadeInTYO

XXXTENTACION - SAD!

Damso - Smog X Kyle - Ikuyo

Dosseh - Cœur de pirate X Guordan Banks - Keep you in mind

Marwa Loud - Je voulais (feat Laguardia)

Bazzi - Honest X Omar Kadir - The last thing I do

Oboy - Nuit X NAV - What I need

The Magician - Love break feat Hamza

Dinos - Les pleurs du mal

⚡ Dinos - Helsinki X Logic - The Glorious Five X Laylow - Digitalova ⚡

(Albums :6lack - East Atlanta love letter X Juice WRLD & Future - Wrld on drugs X Tory Lanez - Love me now & memories don’t die)

#sum up #resume #welcome to 2019 #2019 #welcome to

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batsintheshadows · 6 years

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Athera the Companion

Inquisitor’s Name: Athera Lavellan Race / Class / Specialisation: Rogue Elf Assassin Gender Identity: Female

Varric’s Nickname for them: Antlers

Short bio: As a typical da’len hunter nearing the time she could recieve her vallaslin, Athera was taken by slavers while away from the camp with her younger brother. Her sacrifice allowed the clan to escape, but lead to a grueling ordeal before she escaped and found her way back home. Now she is a respected hunter and occasionally travels to visit the elves that live in human cities, so they may know more of their history should they be interested. She also assists with problems that the human guards tend to ignore.

What would their companion card look like? I actually commissioned one of these! it hasnt quite been finished yet tho.

Athera aiming her bow high above her head with a victorious smile as the sun rises, a halla head with three arrows in the horns formed from the clouds behind her and a green bird perched on her shoulder, coat billowing in the wind.

More under the cut, because theres gonna be a LOT here.

Recruitment mission: Athera approaches the Inquisition in Val Royeaux, quietly and from a side street. She wears a hood to hide her face and when asked about it she says that she may be making a poor choice, and if she is it would be better to have the option to hide. Athera tells the Inquisitor that she is visiting family in the city, and has discovered that elves have been vanishing. She says she wants to see what’s going on, but has a feeling that whatever is happening is too much for one person to handle. If pressed about her identity, Athera stays vague, saying that she could get in trouble for looking into this at all, and wouldn’t want that to affect anyone she cares about.

If the Inquisitor agrees to investigate she tells them to meet her at a certain location at midnight, and not to worry about her too much. She has enough martial training to help in any fights there might be.

When you meet up with her, Athera is nervous, checking her arrows and pulling her hood down further over her face. If you ask her about it she says she hasnt ever done “anything quite like this” before.

When you enter the building, you discover a slaver ring and some captured elves. Athera strikes first, no matter what you say, and in the ensuing fight her hood comes off, revealing her vallaslin. when everything is said and done Athera very pointedly ignores the party in favour of freeing the captured elves, who are very grateful for her arrival. She asks if they will be able to get back to the alienage safely and one of them says that they can get them there, leaving Athera free to look for letters and talk to the party.

She picks up some letters and folds her arms, and asks the Inquisitor if they are going to take any sort of action now that they know a Dalish elf is meddling in the city. There is an option to tell her that if she joins The Inquisition then the Inquisitor will stay quiet. Athera is silently furious, but says she would prefer this to end without bloodshed if possible. Athera Greatly Disapproves if you pick this option. You can also ask about her lying to the group. Athera claims she never lied and points out the ways that everything she said was technically true.

Otherwise you can attempt to turn her in, which causes her to flee and become unrecruitable. or you can say that you won’t alert the guards. In the latter case, she is grateful and asks to join The Inquisition. When asked why she says:

“I’m not stupid. A big hole in the sky? Demons around every corner? This could be the end of the world. My clan can’t outrun that. You’re the only ones I’ve seen even trying to make a difference. If theres any way out of this, its with the people that arent caught up in petty squabbles. So yes, I won’t like being away from my clan for so long, but I’ll like it even less if the world dies.”

She agrees to meet the Inquisitor back in Haven, and pulls her hood back up, heading off into the night.

Where they would be in Skyhold / Haven: In Skyhold she would probably hang around in the gardens, but move to somewhere around the stables if it was converted into a chantry garden. In Haven she would be on the docks by the frozen lake.

Personal quests:

Quest 1: After arriving in Skyhold and gaining some approval, Athera will go over what she found in the slavers letters. She says that the slavers were reporting to a merchant called Vivicus, and that she suspects that theyre related to the Venatori. Athera has followed a trail that has ended in Redcliffe, and asks the Inquisitor to go with her as backup. If the Inquisitor tries to bring Dorian, the cutscene will not trigger and Athera will suggest trying again with “company better suited to the operation. Like people that never owned slaves maybe.” Once the cutscene triggers, Athera give you what she knows about the slaver. A small and pretty easy fight with demons ensues as you enter the building, and the party makes it up the stairs to a room with a man in fine clothes sitting on a chair facing away from the group. As the group approaches, the man falls sideways when touched, revealing he is very dead and has a note stapled to his chest that simply says “your move Inquisition -V”. Athera is upset by this, and tells the Inquisitor that they need to be sure the body gets proper death rites. Back at Skyhold Athera thanks the Inquisitor for their help and apologises for dragging them into her mess. She says that itll probably last a while as well, if this guys as much of an asshole as he seems to be.

Quest 2: Occurs after either The Fade or The Winter Palace. Athera is reading a letter, and claims that its information on Vivicus. If asked about where the letter came from, Athera says she’s been tracking weird courier orders and got lucky with this one. Athera says the letter reveals that Vivicus has somehow discovered her identity and is using it against her. She doubts her clan will be targeted, but asks permission to grant them safe passage through the surrounding lands and trading rights at Skyhold. She admits that in spite of what her clan could bring in, its really just a favour to her. If the Inquisitor agrees, you get the option to open a new area on the war table, but cannot select Dorian for the mission. When you arrive, you run into an ambush of slavers who seem to be expecting you. The fight is really difficult, but you only need to defeat half the slavers to trigger a rescue by Athera’s clan. As the last of the slavers fall, Athera gets the attention of one of the hunters and gives him a big hug, introducing him as her younger brother Elgadir. Elgadir is overjoyed to see his sister again and says the clan has been worried since she stopped writing. Athera replies she has been writing weekly and getting letters back as well. After a bit of confusion, they figure out something weird is going on, and tells the other hunters to check if any of the slavers are still alive. One is, and they get to them before the throat cutters do. Elgadir says that he doesnt much like the idea of bringing a slaver back to any of the clans camps, but if this problem is gonna get solved then they’ll probably have to. one of the other hunters goes ahead to warn the clan to prepare for a captive and some guests. Elgadir gives the Inquisition members a warning that if they do anything foolish, they will pay with their lives, but if they approach in good faith, then the clan will be happy to do business with them. The party is introduced to the clan and Athera goes off to talk with her brother and the Keeper, leaving the team free to explore. There are a few quests to help the clan or act like a dick, Athera gets approval or disapproval for them even though she isnt in the active party. To advance the quest, you enter the Keeper’s aravel. Athera sits with her brother hugging her, clearly distressed. The Keeper tells the Inquisitor that they have all come to a consensus that it would be a lot easier to deal with the situation with all the facts, and asks Athera if she would be willing to tell the story herself. Athera then tells the Inquisitor that she was taken from her clan by slavers around six years ago, and though she managed to fake her death and escape, Vivicus has discovered her identity and has been intercepting her letters for a while. The letter that sent her running back to her clan was to be sent to the person that owned her, and she intercepted a similar one at Skyhold intended to sow some discord. Athera says that its probably a game to Vivicus now, and that he will go to any lengths to win. She fears for her clan, as she fears for those she has become close with outside of it. At the prompting of the other two elves, Athera also admits to being very stressed out, since the Inquisitor unknowingly hired someone from the family that used to own her. “Theres a reason I don’t get along with Dorian, I’m scared to death of him.” The Inquisitor can tell Athera to stay with her clan for safety, offer to expel Dorian from the Inquisition (Athera will reject this idea because she knows the Inquisitor wouldnt have let Dorian stay if they didnt like him or need his help.), or keep to the plan of allowing the clan safety in the lands around Skyhold. Back at Skyhold, Athera thanks the Inquisitor for listening to her, saying she feels far more at ease now that someone knows, but begs the Inquisitor not to tell anyone her secret and to make tracking down Vivicus as much of a priority as possible, otherwise she doesnt know what could happen to her.

Quest 3: Takes place after the second main quest you complete after unlocking Skyhold. Athera and Dorian are arguing as the Inquisitor approaches them, though most of the shouting seems to be coming from Athera’s side with a lot of what is obviously swearing in elvish. When pressed, Athera accuses Dorian of going through her letters, and Dorian denies the accusation. “If you would listen before you started screaming at me, you would know that this is my letter. That I was trying to give to you quietly. But if you insist on discussing this in the courtyard...” Athera snatches the letter and runs away, leaving Dorian to ask the Inquisitor to go after her, saying that Athera probably wouldn’t want to see him right around now. When the Inquisitor finds Athera she is incredibly upset, and lets them know that this letter has been opened and Dorian knows who she is now. The Inquisitor can comfort her or be awful, and after theyre done talking Dorian knocks on the door, asking to come in. Athera tells him to keep his distance, and he agrees. Trying to lighten the tension, Dorian makes a joke about how Vivicus is really an idiot if he thinks sending Dorian a letter is going to do anything, what with the whole pariah thing. No one laughs. Athera asks Dorian what he’s going to do, and Dorian suggests using the note to lure Vivicus out. “We’ve been playing cat and mouse for months. I’ll be glad to see it end.” Athera tells Dorian that she doesn’t trust him, and will only go if the Inquisitor comes too. Dorian agrees, and they begin to make a plan, through the door because Athera can’t face him yet. After this, a war table mission to smuggle a letter to Vivicus opens up, and once it is completed a mission on the storm coast opens up called “Trigger Venatori Trap”. Once there the party fights off some Venatori, and Athera slowly breaks ranks with the group, making herself an easier target and leading to Vivicus showing himself at last. The rest of the party sets up a good flanking position and a boss battle against Vivicus, who is a blood mage and ACTUALLY DOES BLOOD MAGE STUFF WHY DID THEY LEAVE THIS OUT OF DAI???, begins as Dorian makes a snappy “oh what an idiot” type remark at Vivicus. The party are victorious, and they return to Skyhold where Athera tells the Inquisitor that she has no idea what to do now, since she has no way of knowing who Vivicus sent letters to. If you did a war table mission to stop the letters, you are able to reassure her that the Inquisition has the situation under control. Athera says that she likes the Inquisition, and whatever comes she would like to stay until the end as long as her and Dorian are kept separate. Preferably on opposite sides of the castle. At this point Dorian wanders past because a little light humour won’t kill anyone and begins yammering on about their victory a little too nervously. He admits that he’s been feeling a bit nervous since finding out about Athera’s past, but has done some deep soul searching and wants to apologise for how the relationship between the two of them has been. He promises to try and do better in the future, to which Athera replies “You’d better! Your family put me through hell! The least you can do is try and make it better.” Dorian doesnt make eye contact, and promises to keep her words in mind. He also says that they don’t need to speak again if Athera needs space. Athera says that would be for the best, but she won’t complain if they end up working together since stopping the end of the world is more important than the hurt one person carries. As Dorian turns to leave, she lets him know that once corypheus is dead all bets are off, and that she’ll probably throw him out the window, but the comment doesnt have much bite to it.

How to get their approval: helping elves and mages, respecting artifacts, killing venatori, freeing slaves, and generally not being an ass.

How to get their disapproval: Cruelty to elves and elven relics, slavery in any form, chantry and templar supporting, being an ass to mages, and victim blaming anyone.

Are they romanceable? Y/N Can you have sex with them? Y/N Are they open to polyamoury? Y/N If they can be romanced and are not, will they begin a relationship / relationships with other character(s)? If so, who? Sera already gets with Dagna, so odds are Athera wouldn’t get with anyone if unromanced.

Who are they friendly with? Vivienne and Sera (after a while).

Who do they dislike? Cassandra, Dorian, and Solas.

Companion card changes: (use a text descrip. if you have no images)

Loyalty: Athera stands in the middle of a dark forest, her bow ready to draw and a smile on her face as she moves. the trees are gnarled and twisted, something could be hiding in them. but she is armed, and the forest is her home.

Romance: (if any) The bow and arrows have been put aside, and Athera sits cross legged by a campfire. there are trees all around and Athera has a serene smile on her lips and a look of total peace in her eyes.

Side Missions: (eg: fetch / gather / kill quests) None because fuck those. Ok maybe destroying monuments to the Exalted March on the Dales. Thatd be pretty satisfying. Also a war table mission to ensure that no letters get to the Pavus family that unlocks a dialogue option at the end of Athera’s last quest.

Opinions on mages / templars / how the world is going to shit? Templars fuck shit up, mages have been friends and guides to the clan and the Templars always try to take them away and people get hurt. She would rather just leave the Templars alone entirely. And of course mages can be trusted with their own lives! Everyone else does it what makes them so bloody different?

She has more nuanced opinions on the Chantry and how it relates to the oppression of mages and elves, and how its all a bid for power, but she’ll only talk abt it with an Inquisitor she likes.

Something guaranteed to make them leave the party: defiling the graves at the elven burial site in the exalted plains, killing the golden halla, or straight up betraying her.

Special Events:

Imprisoned at Redcliffe: How is your Inquisitor holding up in Redcliffe, being slowly infected with red lyrium over the course of a year?

Athera is almost unable to speak at all after a year in Redcliffe. She talks in fragments, and when she first sees the Inquisitor she just stares at them for a long time with a blank look on her face, waiting for them to either do something or vanish. Whenever Dorian speaks she glares at him. After all, this guy from Tevinter shows up and then everything fails and the world dies? She’s been blaming him. The Inquisitor has to talk her down.

She puts all her remaining energy into the fight ahead, wordless, expressionless, and merciless. When it comes time to hold off the horde she says in the flattest voice possible “Going out. Hold them off. Do not fail. Dareth Shiral.”

At the Winter Palace: Does your Inquisitor enjoy the party, any special events with them at the Palace?

Athera spends most of the party doing things to mildly offend the Orlesian elite, talking with the elves, and quietly smashing expensive vases when no ones looking. She likes being in Halamshiral, hates what it is now, and corners more than a few nobles and gives them a “history lesson.” She will do the same to the Inquisitor if they ask, but will be less passive aggressive about it. She also complains about the outfits, saying she hates red but Josephine wanted everyone to “present a unified front” and she couldnt wriggle out of it.

She also takes joy in being announced as “Athera Lavellan, Hunter of Clan Lavellan and Emissary to the Cities.” since she’s betting he’s never had to introduce an elf before, let alone introduce one with a few titles.

When asked about it later, Athera says the only good thing at Halamshiral was Briala, with various comments depending on what happened.

In the Fade: Your Inquisitor’s reaction upon entering the Fade? Archdemon’s taunt, and Inquisitor’s response? Epitaph on their grave?

Athera does not understand any of this. She shoots arrows, mainly at wolves and terrible people. now there are demons here because its their home that theyre the ones invading and what with recent events theres pretty strong evidence that this sort of thing doesnt end well. Athera isnt mindlessly terrified, but she. wants. OUT.

Nightmare: “What’s this now? Valeria, pretending to be a wild elf? You looked much better in red.”

Athera: “Say that name one more time and I’ll rip you in half.”

Nightmare: “Dont worry about Marcus hating you for leaving him. He died a month later, his thieving ways finally discovered and punished.”

Athera: “You-you’re lying! Theres no possible way for you to know that!”

Nightmare: “That you know of.”

Athera’s grave says “Losing Herself”

Trespasser: What is your Inquisitor up to two years after Corypheus’ defeat? Any special events with them over the events of Trespasser?

Athera spent the past two years using the influence gained during her time in the Inquisition to help elves in both the cities and the wilds. she has busted up a few more slaver rings and is one of sera’s contacts. she has traded information with the Inquisition out of respect for her place in it and so leliana can send her some useful stuff back. she’s been using her clan as a safe place, and looks forward to returning every second she is away.

Other Major Events: Any other major events that happen with them over the course of the main game?

She becomes friends with Sera, who she likes for not taking things too seriously when everyone else is so grim.

She also has a Talk with a human Inquisitor romancing Sera that more or less amounts to “I know ur cool so this whole thing is probably legit, but if u ever hurt sera i’ll cut off your arm and hit u with it ok good talk kiddo love u bye!”

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu this took a long time and a lot of thought, but i had LOADS of fun doing it! I always like working on Athera’s backstory, though nothing is quite 100% set in stone yet sooooo... dont quote me on any of this.

I was tagged by @heyscience and i am throwing this tag right back at you! Do it!

#asks

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elvendara · 7 years

Text

Elmwood (Ch 18)

New Chapter up. I tried to wait, but, here it is I could no longer keep from posting it. I guess the good thing about having an empty ask box is I can work on my bigger projects, lol. Sadly though, that means my blog is pretty empty. Hmm, I could just make more Yooran!!!!!!

Elmwood Reading List

AO3

Saeyoung bounded up the short flight of stairs to knock on Vanderwood’s door. He hoped the man would be in. He was tired of walking around eggshells in the estate and thought to ask Vanderwood if he knew anything about the first men. The door was answered by the same grey-haired boney man as before. Saeyoung reminded himself to at least ask what the man’s name was.

“I remember you!” The man said, his raspy voice grating to the ears. “Come, come. The master will be delighted to see you. He talked of nothing else for months after you left.” He grabbed Saeyoung’s wrist and pulled him in, shoving the door closed behind them. They tramped through the hallway and into the same study as before. Vanderwood sat by the window, a book in his hands, his fine clothes perfectly fit to accentuate his body. There were ruffles around his throat and at his wrists, yet, they made him look regal and not effeminate. He stood, dropping the book as soon as he saw who was being dragged in.

“Saeyoung!” he thundered towards him and engulfed him in an embrace. A very long and tight embrace. Saeyoung patted the man on the back until he was set free. He looked around him. “Are you here alone? Is Jumin back?” he asked, his hands still on his shoulders.

“Yes, and yes.” Saeyoung clarified.

“It is wonderful to see you! But why is Jumin not here?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“Oh, I think he has his mind on other things.” He did not want to tell Vanderwood about V, he felt it was not his place. Jumin would eventually, he was sure.

“Well, no matter! Fitz! Bring us some tea, and cake, those little ones I like!” he ordered. The lanky man turned and shuffled out the door.

“You do not have to go to any trouble.” Saeyoung called after the man, he was not sure he would be able to even carry a loaded tray.

“Nonsense!” Vanderwood waved his concern away and led Saeyoung to the chair next to the one he had been sitting on. There was a round table between them. Vanderwood picked up the book he had dropped and lay it on the table. “Now, what brings you here? You look as if you have a question you need answered. Have you found your brother yet?”

“Oh, yes.” Saeyoung brightened at once. “He, well, so much happened, but, in the end we were able to get him out of the lich’s grip.”

“Will you be bringing him here?”

“Perhaps, if he is willing. He is no longer in her thrall, at least, we hope. But it might be a good idea if he lets you probe his mind for anything hidden within it.”

Vanderwood nodded, “I am impressed. I did not believe you would be able to sever the connection so easily.”

“It was not easy, believe me, the price was Yoosung’s life.” Saeyoung exhaled.

Vanderwood’s hands flew to his neck, “Oh, oh my goodness, not that sweet angel boy.”

“Oh, no, no no no, I am sorry, Yoosung is fine, he is alive. It, it would take too long to explain it all, but, Saeran is fine, Yoosung is fine, they are both fine. I would certainly appreciate you taking a look at my brother, but that is not why I am here now.”

Vanderwood sat back, “Well that is a relief! You must tell me the story some day!”

Saeyoung nodded, a half smile on his face.

“I was actually wondering if you had any information of the first humans?”

“The first humans?” he questioned and looked askance as if trying to remember. His finger tapped on his lip and then his eyes brightened. “Of course, come, here.” He jumped up and Saeyoung followed at his heels.

Fitz walked back in with a trolley, the tea and cake set on top. Well, that answered that question. He began to pour the steaming liquid and waited to be noticed.

“Here we go.” Vanderwood reached up and pulled two volumes out of the bookcase. They were old and leather bound. He handed one to Saeyoung, “This is the history of the first man, at least, what we know of it. Much of it is conjecture, pieced together from different writings at different times in history. This one,” he lay the book on top of the first, “is an illustrated history. What artists presume the first men looked like.” His eyes lit up as he realized something. “Of course!” he yanked the book back and placed it on the hardwood reading table in the room. He flipped through the book until he reached what he was looking for. He picked it up and turned towards Saeyoung. He looked at the illustration, then back at Saeyoung, and back again.

“What?” Saeyoung asked. Vanderwood set the book back down and let Saeyoung take a look. It was a very rough drawing and appeared to be set against something rough. On the next page was another drawing that someone later had made, extrapolating what the face would look like if it was smooth. “Who, who is he?”

“The first king of the first men. Cerulean. The first drawing is a rendition of one found on a cave wall. The second was done hundreds of years later, remind you of anyone?” the face was round with a pointed chin, the eyes were the color of amber in the sunshine, the hair was the color of fire, pure and strong. Saeyoung shook his head, how could this be? He was a bastard, not a king. How was he related to this regal and sturdy man? He had united all the clans into one kingdom, under one ruler, him. What kind of fortitude must he have had? All Saeyoung wanted to do was keep his brother and best friend safe. He was even contemplating leaving Jumin and walking away from his vendetta against Rika. But he knew that Yoosung would never let him. Yoosung would stay and fight because it was the right thing to do. And Saeran would stay with him. He sighed heavily and rubbed at his temples.

Vanderwood handed him a cup of tea and he absently took it. “You look like you have a lot on your mind, want to talk about it?” he asked, pulling out a chair for Saeyoung to sit at the table. He took the one next to it., setting his own cup and saucer down.

Saeyoung sat, the tea forgotten in his hands. He shook his head, it was too full, he just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Too much had changed. Magpie was gone, Yoosung was a god’s champion, Jumin’s brother showed up on his own, walking away from the lich, and his own brother was safe. On top of all of that, apparently, he was the descendant of the first human king.

Vanderwood placed his hand on Saeyoung’s, bringing him out of his reverie. Saeyoung sighed, closing his eyes and leaning against the back of the chair.

“Ah, I don’t know what to do.” He exclaimed.

“About?” Vanderwood sat back as well and pointedly asked.

“About all of it!” Saeyoung was once more animated. His eyes flaring, hands clenching and unclenching. “What does it even mean? The descendant of the first human king? Why would I be so important to anyone?”

“You mean the lich?” Vanderwood guessed.

“Yes! The reason she took Saeran was because I said no to her. Because, I was cocky and thought I didn’t need anyone’s help. I was ready to take care of myself and my brother. I had finally made enough money to rent a small place for us and get us at least out of the gutter. And when I said no, she took Saeran, and used him. She turned a sweet, innocent boy into a killer with no conscious. And why? To trap me. To get to me because of him.” he pointed to the artist rendering of the first king of man.

Vanderwood leaned over, his elbows on his thighs. “What does she want with you?”

“My heart. My still beating heart, only, I have to hand it over willingly.”

Vanderwood sat back up with a laugh, “That would never happen.”

“No? I thought about it. To save my brother, and Yoosung. I would have given it to her. But, that wouldn’t be enough either. She said I had to love her. I cannot imagine at any point in time that I could love a lich, but she was so sure. All I want is to run away, run away some place that she will never find me.”

“Why do you not?”

Saeyoung snorted, “You met Yoosung! He will not stop until the lich is eradicated from the world. She is pure evil, and he would not be able to live with himself if he turned away from a duty like that.”

Vanderwood shrugged his shoulders. “And what does that have to do with you? You can leave him behind as well.”

“No, never. He and I are connected now. I could no more leave his side than I could my brother’s.” Saeyoung stated gloomily.

“And if you had to choose?” Vanderwood wondered out loud.

“I wouldn’t have to, they, well, Saeran…he will follow Yoosung wherever he goes now.”

Vanderwood narrowed his eyes, “I see. When, how?”

Saeyoung waved it all away.

“Another long story?” Vanderwood concluded.

“Not particularly, but, confusing and winding, ending with Yoosung’s death…and…well…” Saeyoung sighed.

“I understand. Well, not really, but, I understand that it is not something you wish to retell. Let us move on then. If you cannot run away, then you must find a way to fight. Yes?” he clapped Saeyoung on the shoulder.

Saeyoung nodded, finally sipping some of his tea. “This is really good.” He commented.

“Of course it is! Only the finest for me.” Vanderwood laughed, Saeyoung joining in, the brevity lifting some of his own stress from his shoulders.

“I have to admit, I miss adventuring, perhaps, if you find the location of the lich, I might join your party!” Vanderwood insisted.

“Jumin would appreciate that, I am sure. And so would I.” he shook his head. “It is difficult trusting people, I feel slightly ashamed that I do not fully trust my own brother as well. I wish I could, but, my instincts tell me that I should not.”

“It is a valid feeling. Which is why you should bring him here as soon as possible, especially if he now shares a bed with your best friend. The young half-elf is powerful, but, naïve, he lets his heart lead when his head should.”

Saeyoung snorted. “Yes, but try and tell him that! Ahh, I do not know. There are times when I wish I could so easily trust those around me. But, I have learned from experience that most people only desire to use you in one form or another, for their own benefit.”

“Is that so? And how do you supposed I intend to use you?” Vanderwood asked, eyebrow cocked.

“For adventure, of course!” Saeyoung shot back. They stared at each other for a heart beat before they both broke into companionable laughter. Fritz stuck his head in shortly after, curious. The men were sitting at the large table, speaking amiably and nibbling on the sweet cakes. He popped back out with a smile. It had been years since he had seen his master so alive and animated. He hoped it would bode well and not ill.

…………………………………………………..

Saeran lay awake, Yoosung cuddled up against him, his head on his chest, his arm loose across his belly. Saeyoung had returned during dinner and regaled them with his musing on someone named Vanderwood. Jumin had seemed quite amused and promised to go see him. Saeyoung had asked Saeran if he would like to meet the man, Yoosung had pressed him as well. He acquiesced in the end but wondered what their motivation was.

Yoosung stirred and mumbled something. Saeran’s body reacted, infusing with heat and desire. Their lovemaking had been soft and gentle. Saeran had wanted to be rougher but was unsure what Yoosung was used to. He let the blonde set the pace. In the beginning, he had been annoyed at the slow progression, wanting to mount the half-elf and take what he wanted, yet, the soft touches, the gentle kisses, the lingering caresses all served to fuel his burning fire. In the end, he had had the best orgasm of his entire life. He wondered if it was always like that. The last thing he remembered was plunging his dagger into Yoosung’s chest and the triumph he had felt. The memory faded after that, the last thing remaining were Yoosung’s eyes staring at him in complete peace and acceptance.

V had needed to fill in the gaps. He told him what had happened, as much as he could before he fled with Rika. He could not tell him what had happened for the several months he had already spent with this company. Saeran had to be careful what he said and did. He would have to let them drive the conversation, sit back and just listen for the time being. Yet, the most danger came from the one that lay on his chest right now. He would be the one who had gleaned the most about Saeran, even more than his brother.

They lay naked under the sheets, not bothering to put their nightclothes back on after making love. Saeran ground his teeth at that description. Making love. But that is what they had done. He had never taken his partners feelings into consideration when he had sex, relishing any pain he might inflict on them. The more they cried out in pain, the more he enjoyed it. However, he found that he felt the same whenever Yoosung cried out in pleasure, so much so, that he continued to find ways to illicit those soft and erotic moans from the blonde. He had lost himself and worried that it was just the beginning.

He stared at the underside of the canopy surrounding their bed, trying to find an ounce of hatred for the figure atop him. He understood he did not need to hate him, but he did not want to love him either. It was an alien feeling and one he did not care for. Even Rika had not asked it of him. He was loyal and he was devoted, it was enough. What he did for his master was because he wished to stay with her. He never questioned her decisions or her orders, including the one to kill Yoosung, yet, here he was, still alive. Why? How had his life changed so much in such a short amount of time? V assured him that it was all a part of his master’s plan. Then why could he not remember the details? Why was there a gap in his memory?

He breathed in and let it out slowly. Yoosung stirred and flipped to his other side, letting go of Saeran. He felt strangely empty without the blonde’s touch. But the pushed the feeling away. Maybe now he would be able to sleep. He closed his eyes and tried to remember anything, even a small fragment of his time with this current party. He remembered nothing. He drifted into dreams where he circled Yoosung, alternating between kissing him, and stabbing him.

…………………………………………..

Saeran felt awkward in the man’s home. Vanderwood had attempted to hug him as he had the others, but one look at his face had stopped him cold. Instead he shook his hand. He now sat with Yoosung on one side of him and Saeyoung on the other. Jumin had wanted to come with them, but he had been wary of leaving V alone. He should be wary Saeran smirked.

He noticed that Vanderwood was studying him, his head cocked, legs crossed, elbow on his knee and finger tapping his lower lip.

“What?” he asked tensely.

“Nothing, I am sorry, it is just, well, twins fascinate me.” Vanderwood chuckled. Even if it had not been for the bleached color of Saeran’s hair, it would be easy to tell the twins apart. They were identical, but while Saeyoung was robust, square and wide shouldered, with a full face, Saeran was leaner, his shoulders rounded and his face thinner. He also appeared to be shorter than his twin. He wondered if it had been poor nutrition that had aided in the discrepancy between the two.

Saeran wiped his palms against his pant legs, he did not like this man. His eyes were too curious and eager to root out his secrets. Psyonicist? What the hell was a Psyonicist?

“Saeran?” Saeran tore his eyes away from the man and fixed them on Yoosung. “Are you alright?” he looked as if he was about to throw up. Yoosung hoped he would not, the carpet appeared to be very expensive.

“What? What is a Psyonicist?” he asked. Yoosung turned to Vanderwood as he laughed, easing the tension somewhat. Saeran’s face flushed, he hated feeling like an idiot.

“Not many of us around I am afraid. It is something that one must be born to, many do not even realize they have this gift. I am able to read people’s minds.” Saeran’s eyes widened and the only thing holding him to the sofa was Yoosung.

Yoosung felt the change in Saeran’s body and patted his arm to comfort him. “Not to worry Saeran, Vanderwood does not intrude on other people’s minds without permission. Is that not so?” he turned to the man.

“Of course not! That would be incredibly rude and invasive.” Vanderwood stated, shocked at the mere idea of it.

“You see? You can relax.” Yoosung soothed Saeran and his shoulders did indeed relax and he gave Yoosung a grateful smile.

Interesting, Vanderwood thought. The man was hiding something, something he did not want Yoosung to know. But what? He had been telling the truth, he would not invade Saeran’s mind without permission, but body language was easy to read, and Saeran was too tense by far. He clasped Yoosung’s hand, but his upper body pulled away from the blonde whenever he tried to close the gap. On the one hand, he showed his affection, on the other hand, there was a barrier between them that was of Saeran’s own making.

“What, what else can you do?” Saeran asked pointedly.

“Well,” Vanderwood uncrossed his legs and leaned towards the twin. “I can manipulate people, convince them to believe something that is not true. Take over their bodies for a short period of time. I can also open a portal between spots, as long as I have been to the other end at least once. I need to be able to see it in my mind’s eye in every detail.”

Saeran’s eyes widened even more. “That, that is powerful.”

“Not really.” Vanderwood sat back against his chair. “I can only do those things if someone’s mind is weak. Take Saeyoung here for instance, I could try to break into his mind, but he has learned how to close it from psionic influence, and all without even realizing that such a thing even existed.”

“Have you…?” Saeyoung began.

Vanderwood held his hands up, “I prodded! Just to test, and your mind is sealed as tight as a steel vault.” He chuckled. “So is yours.” He pointed to Yoosung. “I assume that is the influence of your god. But I am sure that even without that, it would be difficult to break through your defenses as well. You see Saeran, intelligence is important. A weak man will have a weak mind, and those minds can be easily manipulated with words alone. An intelligent mind however, needs more than mere words. I might be able to push someone along the lines of where they were already heading, but, I would never be able to make them believe something they fundamentally do NOT believe in.”

He steepled his hands. “Of course, if I truly wanted to break into someone’s mind who had good defenses, I would be able to, unfortunately, they would know right away of the intrusion, and they would be even more on their guard.” He sighed.

“So then, how do you help people?” Saeran asked.

“It depends on what they want. Some people have a memory they want erased, some want one retrieved, some want help through a traumatic experience. If I have permission, it is easier to slip into someone’s mind. It is…very unsettling however. Rummaging in someone else’s mind. Seeing them at their most vulnerable. Which is why I do not discuss my clients with anyone. I take my job very seriously.”

Saeran turned to Saeyoung and then Yoosung, “Is that why I am here? To let him root around in my mind and find any nook and cranny Rika might have laid her eggs?” his mouth was a thin white line, his eyes bristling with unshed tears.

“Saeran.” Saeyoung put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Even you agreed that it was possible for Rika to have a hold on you still. Maybe, maybe Vanderwood can lay that fear to rest.

Saeran stood, shaking Saeyoung’s hand off, he clenched his fists, panting, his mouth hanging open.

“Saeran.” Yoosung tried to grab his hand but Saeran pulled away. Shit! What was he supposed to do? If he let this man in his mind he would know. He would instantly know. How could he hide the fact that he was following his master’s orders? He walked to the window, laying his forehead against the cool pane. Maybe he could hide his true nature. He could lock it away in an area of his mind that Vanderwood could not access. He had learned a lot from Rika on how to compartmentalize his mind. He could stuff some random bits away for him to find, but the truth could still be hidden. But what if he found it anyway? It was a chance he had to take. If he did not, Saeyoung and Yoosung would still have doubts. He needed them to have none.

“Fine, but we do it alone. I…I do not want them to hear any of what transpires between us.” He turned and glared into Vanderwood’s eyes.

“Of course.” He bowed to Saeran slightly. “It is the way I normally work. What comes out will stay between us if that is your wish.”

Saeran nodded. Yoosung stepped up to him and wrapped his arms around the man, laying his head against his chest. “You do not have to do this.” He whispered, and he genuinely meant it. He trusted Saeran, with his very life, yet, there was that small nagging doubt. But he would take Saeran’s word for it, he would believe him and trust him. He could do nothing else.

Saeran returned the hug and kissed Yoosung’s head. “I do. Or this question will be hanging over our heads forever. I have to know.” Yoosung looked up into Saeran’s green eyes and saw the sorrow there. He pulled the other man down and kissed his lips, lingering lovingly on them.

“Saeyoung and I will be right outside, remember, you can stop it at any point. You have nothing to prove to me.” Saeran grinned at how naïve the cleric was. Could he not see? Could he not tell? Was his love so strong and pure that he was blind? He let go of him and pushed him towards the door. Saeyoung was already standing under the door frame. He gave a short nod to Saeran and a quick glance to Vanderwood then turned and walked out, Yoosung behind him. Vanderwood closed the heavy door behind them and turned back to Saeran, who still stood by the window.

“Come.” Vanderwood beckoned Saeran to a chair next to the one he had been sitting on. They both sat, Vanderwood clasping his hands in front of him. Saeran sitting on his. His legs bouncing nervously.

“There is nothing to be nervous about. This room is soundproofed, against magic as well. No one is going to hear what we say in here.” He tried to reassure the man, but he only looked more nervous. Vanderwood contemplated calling this off himself. Whatever it was that he was trying to hide, if he found it, how would he react?

“If at any time you feel you need to stop, please, let me know and I will. I will not go anywhere you wish me to stay away from. Understand?” Saeran nodded.

“Are you ready?” Vanderwood asked.

Saeran took a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly. “Yes. What do I do?”

“Try to keep your mind open. Your instinct will be to close it, picture a house, with a large heavy door. Now, picture you opening that door and welcoming me in. Can you do that?” Vanderwood prodded.

“Yes.” Saeran closed his eyes and did as Vanderwood had requested. The home looked more like a dilapidated castle, the stones weather beaten and crumbling. But the door was solid wood with steel bindings. He stood on the inside, where it was dark, no windows at all to let in the light. He reached hesitantly for the door handle, his eyes flicking to a door down a dark hallway, tiny compared to the others, behind that in an even smaller chest he had locked away his secret. As he stared, even the small door disappeared, leaving only empty wall behind. Saeran nodded and opened the door. Vanderwood stood there, framed in the light, wearing a flowing robe of black and purple.

“May I come in?” he asked. Saeran stepped aside and gestured for him to come inside. Vanderwood stepped through and took in his surroundings. He was not sure what he had been expecting, but he should not have been surprised that Saeran’s house was in such disrepair and falling apart. The man had been through so much, being torn down and rebuild constantly. The stairs suddenly crumbled to the ground and dust flew upwards, enshrouding them in a billowing cloud.

“I…I am sorry about that.” Saeran whimpered. Vanderwood turned to see a much younger version of Saeran. His eyes were large, and the same amber as Saeyoung’s, of course his mint green eyes must have been a manifestation of something the lich had done to him. Vanderwood knelt by the child and took his hand in his.

“There is no reason to apologize. What is your name?” he asked.

“Saeran, but, we are not supposed to talk to strangers.”

“No? Well, my name is Vanderwood, there, now we are not strangers anymore.” He smiled.

“I…I guess…” Saeran’s mouth widened into a smile and he giggled. He grabbed Vanderwood’s hand and pulled on the man. “Wanna play?” he asked as he ran down a long corridor and out into a courtyard that had been similarly unkempt. It was overgrown with weeds and grass, a single tree stunted in the center. Then he saw another red head in the grass.

“Boo!” screamed a younger Saeyoung. Saeran fell back and tears sprang into his eyes. “You are such a baby Saeran!” Saeyoung turned away from his brother, his eyes rolling in exasperation. Saeran’s lip trembled and he fought hard to keep from letting the tears fall. Vanderwood helped the boy up and dusted him off. He wiped his tears away.

“You do not have to be ashamed of crying Saeran. I do it all the time too.” He soothed.

“R…really? A…a big…man like you?” he sniffled.

“Yes. Sometimes it is the only way to let out your emotions. When else do you cry?” he asked.

“When I am hungry. When mother hits me. When…” he glanced at his brother, “when I let my brother down.”

“You know he loves you right?” Vanderwood stated.

Saeran nodded and even smiled, but then his smile faded and he morphed into a slightly older child, 12, perhaps, 13? His eyes were still on his brother who was now much bigger than him, his face furious.

“Fuck Saeran! What are we going to eat now? You are such an idiot! How did I get stuck with you!” he turned and walked away, disappearing into the grass. Saeran stood, tears falling down his face.

“I…I did not mean to. I…it…it was still alive…” he sobbed.

“What was?” Vanderwood prodded.

Saeran turned to the man, eyes widening, as if he had not realized anyone was there. “The crab. The crab Saeyoung brought for us to eat. It was still alive, I, I could not…” he did not finish the sentence

“I understand, you did not wish to kill the crab?” Saeran shook his head.

“He was so mad at me, I think, I think he hates me now. I wish I could be a better brother. He is always so good to me and I am always such a disappointment.”

“I am sure that is not true Saeran. I am sure your brother does not hate you.” Saeran’s lower lip trembled, his eyes shut and he shook his head. This was an ingrained fear in the boy, in the man now. He believed himself to be inferior to his brother, a burden, so much so that Saeyoung had had no choice but to hate him.

Suddenly there was a beautiful woman standing in front of the boy. Her hair was long and flowing, the color of the sun. She smiled radiantly at him as she knelt before him. His eyes were all on her.

“I can help you Saeran. I can make it so that your brother will love you forever. I can make you stronger, and wiser, and a better partner to him. If that is your wish.” She whispered melodically. Vanderwood tried to intervene, but this had already happened, and nothing he did here would change it. he could see the desire in Saeran’s eyes as he agreed. There was a darkness that began to grow in the boy, soon enough it encompassed his entire body, the blackness roiling over and around itself inside of him, as he grew into a man. He now appeared much like he was as he sat in his chair. His eyes darkening into the minty green he now possessed. The sky grew dark as well, clouds creeping steadily above them, the shadows taking over. The darkness began to extend from Saeran as he roamed the empty halls of his mind.

Vanderwood realized that over the years, Saeran had spent a lot of time here. In his own mind, away from the rest of the world. He followed the young man as he trailed shadow across the walls and floor. They consumed him, but he was either oblivious, or uncaring.

A spark of light burst into being, then faded, yet it was enough to send Saeran in a different direction, searching for it, even while trying to extinguish it. It flared again and again then was stamped out by the blonde woman’s feet. She turned into a skeleton before his eyes and Saeran was suddenly a puddle of dark mass on the floor.

Vanderwood reached out to him but all he felt was the slimy oil of the darkness. The woman disappeared and Saeran wept, tears of blood falling through the cracks. “What just happened?” he asked hesitantly, unsure if Saeran would even answer him. he looked up at him, crimson trails falling down his hollowed-out cheeks.

“She, she wants me to kill the light.” He gasped through his tears.

“What is the light?”

Saeran shook his head vehemently.

“Who is the light?” Vanderwood knew what the answer was going to be.

“Yoosung. Yoosung is the light. He is my light, but I will extinguish it, and I will rejoice.” He smiled and threw back his head and laughed, his tears still dropping rapidly. His body arched backwards, his hands turned into claws and he sounded as if he was choking. He let out a blood curdling scream and Vanderwood clasped his ears, but he did not take his eyes off Saeran. His body was beginning to shine, the darkness, the shadow, the oily residue burning away as the light ignited every inch of him and he exploded with brightness. Vanderwood closed his eyes until it faded, he gingerly opened his eyes and saw that Saeran was again in the courtyard, his back towards him. the weeds were mostly gone, the grass not so overgrown and the tree was leafing. He walked towards the man and there was a smile on his face. A radiant smile. He glanced at Vanderwood.

“You were right. He does still love me, even after everything I did. And, someone else loves me too.” He said happily.

Vanderwood grinned and sighed in relief. Then he noticed the single spot of darkness just beneath Saeran’s left eye. It crawled across his cheek and down his nose. He watched as it made its way down his throat and disappeared under his shirt. He did not need to see where it ended up, he was sure it most likely was his heart. He looked back up into Saeran’s eyes, which were now full of anguish.

“I love him.” he said. “Even now, I love him. But…” the darkness spread across his skin, crawling upwards out of his shirt.

“Saeran.” Vanderwood cried.

In the end Saeran was not able to hide what he had become, and in a way, he was glad.

His eyes sprang open a split second before Vanderwood’s. It was enough. He yanked out his garrote and wrapped it around the other man’s throat, pulling it tight. Vanderwood struggled, he clawed at Saeran’s sleeve, trying to get to his face. It was no use. He tried to infiltrate his mind once more, but he was too strong. In the end Vanderwood died, mourning the loss of that sweet little boy, and regretting that he would not be able to warn Saeyoung or Yoosung.

Saeran let go and Vanderwood’s body fell to the floor. He used the man’s cape to wipe the blood from his garrote and his hands. Thankfully none had soiled his clothes. He looked down at the man’s open eyes. They had been full of compassion. Now they were empty. Saeran felt his heart race, it had been a long time since he’d killed anyone, not since… He let that thought end.

He picked up the man and sat him back on his chair. His head lolled a bit, but did not look too awkward, he would have to get the others out quickly. He took off his coat and set it on the sofa, then walked out, Saeyoung and Yoosung glanced into the room but Saeran closed the door quickly.

“Can we go now? I…I need to process what just happened.” He started towards the front door.

“Sure, let me just say goodbye to Vanderwood.” Saeyoung approached the door but Saeran grasped his wrist.

“No, he’s wiped, let him rest.” He eased up on Saeyoung and with only a cursory glance towards the closed door, Saeyoung agreed. Yoosung put his arm around Saeran and they all three walked out. As they headed down the street Saeran stopped.

“I forgot my coat, keep going, I will catch up.” He told them, turning and dashing back towards the house. Saeyoung and Yoosung exchanged a glance and shrugged. Both feeling a bit uneasy, what exactly had happened in that room?

Saeran walked right in, not bothering to knock. He stalked down the hallway into the kitchen where Vanderwood’s assistant stood, cleaning the evening dishes. Saeran pulled out his garrote once more and strangled the poor man. In his advanced age, it did not take long for him to give up his life. Saeran dragged the man back to Vanderwood’s room and sat him in the opposite chair, where Saeran had so recently been.

He gathered the rope he had seen behind one of the desks and set it in front of the two men. He grabbed his coat and stepped back into the night, making sure to leave the door unlocked. He would return tonight and hang them. No one would look too closely. Maybe he should make it look like a robbery? There would be questions, but hopefully the party would not need to see Vanderwood any time soon. He quickly caught up to his brother and Yoosung. A satisfied smile on his face. It somewhat comforted Saeyoung and Yoosung. Saeran seemed in a much better mood than he had been in lately.

Elmwood Reading List

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