#love hearing rivers’ comments about the songs

[riverscuomohhh]

Getchoo, June 23, 2023

[thetravelingtyper]

Our Shattered Heart (Part 1) (GN! 'Heart' Reader x Taskforce 141)

After an injury and recovery, the men of the force find themselves acting a little differently towards you.

Inspired by the Smiths and Cage the Elephant.

Warnings: a building falls, use of song lyrics, protective 141

Part 2, Part 2.25, Part 2.50, Masterlist

SO I POPPED OFF at like 1 am with three shots of brandy lmao

The strings of a bass echoed into the open night. Electric steps, iron bridges, the river. Central town spinning away into the flurry of the night. You were running from phantoms, what had you done but cried into the night? Your phone long since turned off you were afraid to return to the safe house. Made up as a civilian you blend smoothly in, but the oppressive nature of their stares made your eyes water so you took your chance and bailed. 

Even in your distress, you admired London proper. You wipe your tears and stop your swift walk. You could hear music? There was a well-lit area a dozen or so yards, (Metric Sergaent) You frown as your Lieutenant’s voice echos in your head naturally. You grit your teeth. Nothing you did was right. In training he’d catch every little mistake, poking out your weaknesses without telling you how to better your stance.

What of Soap and Gaz? Your fellow Sargents and supposed friends. One moment they had your back then after your injury they joined Ghost. Soap would pull you aside and scold you for using your ‘bad leg’ or your hits were too low or high. Gaz just commented after you healed up against you even serving. It took three weeks for you to have enough.

You turn on your phone to check the time, and it rings with a skull icon, you answer it as you can pick up the music. 

“Fucking hell Sergeant where are you.”

“Doesn't matter Ghost, Fuck off”.

“Wait, Lo-”

You hang out and toss your phone into the river. You smirk, a sense of relief flooding your tense body. What had your valiant captain done about your concerns? Immediate relocation to a safe house for surveillance, with said team. Nothing of “I’ll talk with Simon” No you got the “You could be a liability so let us have three grown-ass men babysit you in the middle of the city.” You went to protest but he shushed you with a disappointed look that made you reel back. 

You weren't British, maybe you didn't meet his standards. He's the one who requested an outside operative all those months ago. You performed top of your class and threw your body and heart into the job working your way into being the face of the team. It was you whom they sent to comfort those who lost loved ones as collateral. Everything changed when you broke orders to save a child.

--

“Heart, Ghost, Soap Clear Out Now! That is a direct order!”

The building rumbled and air support had’nt arrived. You had about a minute until the whole place collapsed. 

“Affirmiative, Sergeants move out!” 

Ghost ushered you in front of him and Soap was already running through the dust to get out. But as you turned to run you caught movement.

“Ghost there is someone in there!” You try to trace the movement but Ghosts gloved hand yanked you back as he started towards the entrance. 

“No Heart-”

You gasped, there was a girl pinned under rumble! Your instincts take over and you shove out of his gasp with more strength then you ever though you could muster, Ghost stumbles and you book it back as he yells after you.

“GHOST, HEART OUT NOW THE BUILDING IS COMING DOWN!”

He had no choice but to leave you as you threw yourself over the girl. There was a loud rumble then black. 

You huff, odviously you had survived and the little girl you pulled out from the rubble survived as well. After the dust cleared the next day, you had lugged a beam off her and you and hobbled her out to seek medical attention. Once the mission had finished Price and the others had rushed back to find empty rubble, it was a joyous mother who led the foreigners back to their Heart. And there you were, in some small village a hero treated to the best they could. All you could offer despite the pain of your leg was a small smile towards to girl who clung to you like a baby. 

Soap had about given out before he rushed you with curses, poking and prodding like a mother hen. Gaz laughed, a wholehearted sound like melted caramel and quipped about surviving the sky falling. It was Price and Ghost who were not too keen, but you had a back up. The leaders of the village, who’s daughter and grandaughter you had saved, had what turned out to be excellent intel that you handed to Price with a smirk on your face. 

“Fucking Hell.” Was all you gotten from Ghost and his head in his hands with a deep sigh. 

--

What you didn't realize was how big of a deal it was to the Captain and Ghost. Once you got back to base and were put on a 3 month leave was when things soured. You were able to use connections in the village to work intel, something Laswell was grateful for, But Ghost  took this personally, giving you almost a disapproving sneer when he would see you out of bed. Price was silent. No yelling, no scolding just silent. Some storm brewed and once you fully healed and went back to training it seemed Ghost tainted Soap. The Scot became overbearing, making less hurtful comments. A Gaz, once level headed, turned into Price’s little shadow, you could tell from their glances they were communicating. 

After  three weeks of being stationed with them, fully healed mind you, you had enough of walking on egg shells, being the subject of Ghost’s anger and Gaz’s twists and turns. You didn’t snap until Soap had risen his voice after your pacing. 

“ENOUGH HEART.”

It caught Ghost and Gaz off guard in the small apartment as you turned wide-eyed. His eyes were stormy, set off by something you couldn’t identify.

“Johnny-”

“No LT. They need to learn their place”

Your hackles rose, you tried to calm the rage, how dare he?

“And whats that MacTavish? You four have been acting like I’ve been a virus since the day I came back! I worked my ass off to help you and this is how you asses repay me? Im not a fucking toddler you can drag around.”

Gaz went to speak but the glare you shoot him is venemous,

“No you don’t get say anything Kyle. You’ll  just go running back to Price and prolong this little ‘vacation’ Im sick of being treated like a child.”

“Sergeant” 

“Oh rich from you LT” You feel your nerves bristle as Ghost steps forward in challenge. Despite him towering over you, you bite back 

“You can take your Sergeant and Stuff it. You have acted like an asshole through these past 4 months and I’m sick of it! You three are grown ass men acting like children. Run back to Price and bully someone else I'm sick of this shit.”

And with that you grabbed your bag and stormed off, disappearing into streets of London the three men stunned at your outburst.

---

You enter the lit area to find a band and civilians listening to, was that the Smith’s? You relax to the familiar music. The main singer is a handsome man, dark eyes raking the crown with a calm smile before you lock eyes and he winks. Unexpecting, you blush and turn into the crowd. He begins to sing with a voice of silver and honey.

Take me out tonight

Where there's music and there's people

And they're young and alive

Driving in your car

I never, never want to go home

Because I haven't got one

Anymore

There is a little irony as you take a seat at the bar. Over the past two years, before your four odd months the taskforce had become home to you. You settled in quite fine, either bickering along side Soap, joining with Ghost or helping Price and Gaz with their reports. Seeing your personal skills Laswell insisted on you staying.

She smiles when you enter in under the arms of Gaz and Soap. 

“Hey kid, good to see you. 

You nod at here before Price enters, he passes you three a look before ushering the three of you out of the office.

“Come on you two, the parents gotta meet now.”

You giggle as Price rolls his eye as you turn you catch a knowing look from Laswell to Price and as you head out the door, but being dragged to lunch, you miss the fond look he shoots you. 

You order a bourbon neat, as you take a sip the chill of the night hits a little deeper and you frown behind your glass watching couples get up to dance. You remember that mission with a fond sigh, the bourbon reminding you of your tall and often mysterious Lieutenant.

Take me out tonight

Because I want to see people 

And I want to see life

Driving in your car

Oh, please don't drop me home

Because it's not my home, it's their home

And I'm welcome no more

You tilt your head down, that mission oh. Something in your chest ached.

You entered the room in a shuffle, the trails of your outfit not what you were used to, but a mission like this called for finery. You stumble but pale hand’s catch your arm and tucks it in under his. You turn to the perpetrator but find dark eyes quietly regarding yours and you jump.

“Ghost!”

“Call me Simon at this point Heart”

You manage a quiet yes sir. He watches you with softer eyes before there is laughing down the hallway. 

“He’s a lucky bastard is what he is, getting to take Heart all dolled up.”

Johnny’s voice has your eyes rolling. After a few months of your service the Scot had accepted you with open arms, and the flirting, my god the pick up lines. You sigh fondly into your drink.

“I mean you could just ask them-Lt! You’re early.”

Simon doesn’t offer more then a raised brow as he and Soap meet eyes and Soap turns away. 

“Kyle please can you help me with this,” You lift the tails of your outfit in a huff. 

The man chuckles and nods, it was his idea anyway. His dark eyes meet yours with soft smile that makes you swoon. He offer you a hand and you go to take it but find resistance. 

“Simon?”

“Hurry Love. We ship out in 10.” And with that he lets you go. Kyle’s hand is warm and rough and he twirls you to adjust the back of your outfit. Soap turns to Simon, 

“The mask?” 

And to your surprise, Simon looks to you and nods before slowly removing the balaclava. Soap and Gaz seemed unfazed but you were surprised. A year in you had yet to see more then his lips from a smoke or a drink, but the soft blond hair and scars found you staring at him. He watches you but when you meet his eyes you give him a soft encouraging smile. And his lips quirk up as Soap fusses with his mic and collar. Simon just grumbles at him and you laugh, a chiming sound that has all the men smiling. 

You peer back through the crowd, how long had it been since you’d been out? You tip back the the rest of your bourbon and set the glass down feeling the sting. Fuck it. You drop your back and relax into the seat, the singer’s eyes meeting your with a smile as he continues to sing. You sway in your seat to the music. 

And if a double-decker bus

Crashes into us

To die by your side

Is such a heavenly way to die

And if a ten ton truck

Kills the both of us

To die by your side

Well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine

You and Soap tumble together, hitting the ground before rolling. The impact steals the breath from your lungs as you grasp at him making sure he was alive.

“Never though i’d get ye like this Heart.”

You sigh, he was fine, despite just saving his ass. He rolls over so his weight isn’t on you more then it needed to be. You are sitting almost on his hips, he grins at you cockily with a raised brow.

“Stuff it Johnny, I just saved your ass.”

“Aye and I gotta thank you for it.”

And in a sudden sweep he pulled himself up and presses a soft kiss to the side of your lips.

“Thank you Love.”

Your face lifts a little at the memory and your heart skips a beat. Your eyes close an you bask in the warmth of the crowd. Following that moment the taskforce changed.

Take me out tonight

Take me anywhere, I don't care

I don't care, I don't care

And in the darkened underpass

I thought, "Oh God, my chance has come at last"

But then a strange fear gripped me 

And I just couldn't ask

You hop off the stool and head into the crowd, heart aching for comfort and the hands of others. 

First it was soap, falling into your shadow, after the kiss your heightened senses saw his eyes on you everywhere. With other soldiers? One of the members of 141 was there, or he was, hands across his chest, standing guard. 

You were training with members of KorTac. The largest fellow, König had taken a keen interest in you due to your language skills and you found a calming friend in the man. Masked like your Simon you felt more comfortable with him. So when he had you pinned you squirmed and broke free. 

“Good”

His voice is soft, pale eyes meeting yours as you roll up onto your feet. You run at him before he can get up, but he shoots up and grabs you with a little yelp escaping from your mouth as you are then thrown a few feet onto the soft mat. You roll onto your back, the breath knocked out of you and the ceiling spinning slightly. 

“That’s enough!” 

Garrick’s sharp voice surprises you as his form appears in your settling vision. He’s quick to kneel down and check you out.

“I’m fine Kyle, just a bit of the rough and tumble.”

His soft lips frown disapprovingly,

“I don’t like you wrestling with him.”

He helps you up and you see König’s form looking out for you. You give him a small wave.

“Sorry Schatz” The nickname pauses you as you stand, Kyle’s arm around you guarding. 

You blush a little and smile at the tall man before a gruff ‘Sergeant’ calls from the edge of the room. You find Ghost leaning against the wall, arms crossed, glaring at König before he calls you to him. You nod a little dumbfounded and before you can pull out of Kyle’s grasp the man presses a kiss to the side of your head. Then lets you stumble into the waiting grasp of the Lieutenant. 

You shake off the memory and your heart murmurs, but you ignore the hurt. For one night you were free from the confusion and rejection from your team. The crowd, seemingly sensing this welcomed you into their sway. A few single ladies sidled up you with wide smiles and pulled you into their group. You knew how to dance, you learned young, this skill pulled you into some interesting missions. As you sway with the ladies you recollect as the singer watches you. 

Take me out tonight

Oh, take me anywhere, I don't care

I don't care, I don't care

Driving in your car

I never, never want to go home

Because I haven't got one, la-di-dum

Oh, I haven't got one

Oh, oh

Simon’s arms were steady around you, Price’s voice in your ear letting you know about the target. You had gone undercover as a couple to infiltrate a drug smugging ring. The leader was hosting a gala at a large mansion in the mountains. And seeing as Kyle and Johnny were on a mission that left you three on your own. You nod silently to Price. Simon pulls you closer and then spins you out on your heels. 

“Who knew you could dance?” 

You quip up at him, but he only nods, umber eyes taking in your form. You looked breathtaking and it stole the words from his lips.

FIrst Johnny then Kyle. You wondered as you looked up at Simon, handsome as ever in a dark black suit. 

“Are you ok Simon?”

He hums, the sound deep in his chest, then in a moment he pulls you flush against him.

“Target on the move lovebirds.”

Price’s voice sound in your ears in a chuckle. 

“RIght Captain.”

You sigh but Simon pauses in his movement, and you look up at him in confusion, you call his name but he just stares at you. 

“We need to move Lt.”

Nothing, but his hand raising from your side to your face as he leans down and kisses you. After a few seconds he pulls a way and finishes with a 

“Affirmative.”

Before leading your frozen self away. 

You lose yourself in the music for a moment, rotating partners in innocent sways, just treasuring being lost in the moment, But this song of course must end.

And if a double-decker bus

Crashes into us

To die by your side

Is such a heavenly way to die

And if a ten ton truck

Kills the both of us

To die by your side

Well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine

The voice is much closer and you soon find yourself face to face with the mysterious singer. He smiles as he sings and it reminds you of the final piece of the puzzle.

Price had fallen asleep at his desk, again. You sigh fondly and set a cup of warm lady earl grey aside. You move over to him as he mutters something in his sleep. You felt bad waking him but you knew you needed to before he slumped over.

“Captain”

Nothing, even as you call it 3 times. Finally desperate,

“Johnathan Price!”

He shoots awake, eyes darting around tensely before he finds you and softened immediately.

“You can’t be doing that to a man love.”

“You were falling asleep again, how many times do I need to get on you about that Cap? “

The man regards you and chuckles before he sees the tea. You notice this and turn to grab and hand it to him. When you you turn back around the man is standing regarding you. The moment then feels intimate and you flush a little, stepping back.

“Sorry I’ll just leav-”

“No love it's fine, and please if it's just us call me John.” 

He reaches for the tea taking a sip while his ocean eyes watch you. There is something there and you can sense it. After nearly two years of serving under him you grew to know him pretty well, there was fondness in his gaze for all his soldiers. But this was something softer.

“John, I…”

He finishes the cup and sets it down, listening wholly to you and you find the attention has your heart stammering.

“The others have-”

“I know love.”

There it is again and you find yourself pausing as John leans forward, taking your hand in his, rubbing comforting circles into.

“What do I do?”

“Up to you love. I am here for you regardless. You need to get some sleep.”

With this he presses a soft kiss to the palm of your hand and lets you go.

The next day your deployed to the small village and the following four months are hell. 

You shake off the feeling. After your injury they treated you like a child, like a burden to be kept locked away. You sigh, pausing, feeling alone in the middle of everybody again. 

Oh, there is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

The singer finishes with a frown. The crowd cheers then standard music plays and the moment is broken. The singer passes the mic to his member then turns to your pondering self. 

“Are you alright Love?”

His voice is soft and he stands a respectable distance away. One of the members of his band takes the mic and begins with Heaven knows I'm miserable now, continuing the Smiths theme. You almost want to laugh a smile lighting up your face at past (bad very bad) Karaoke attempts with Soap and Gaz. 

“There’s a smile.” He smile down at you and offers a hand, you take it introducing yourself. He raises a hand to the crowd and your new girl friends cheer you on as you allow the stranger to pull you into a dance. 

The next hour passes with another drink with your new friends and opening up about yourself. Nothing about missions nor sensitive information, but finding yourself in a strange position with the four men of the 141. A little looser you describe them all with a few giggles in response as you recount their crazy tactics. It was nice and you settled into the easy arm of the singer. His arm laid only on the back of your chair but under the watchful eyes of the girl group you got comfortable. At the end of the hour, approaching 3 in the morning the singer was called back on to stage. 

A new base line and you swooned as something a bit more American played. The singer nodded his acceptance to the bassist and began to sing. 

Sun went down, sun went down over Pompeii

On both sides, the vow was broken

Oh my my, I'm the one, tryin' to hide this damage done

One day, all our secrets will be spoken

He looked at you and gave a wink and the girls cheered as you threw back a beer. Fuck it. You allowed them to pull you into the ever thriving crowd. Your group drew into the heart of the crowd right up in front of the stage.

As we slow danced, I became your statue frozen

Times I wonder, are we just a puff of smoke? Yeah

Underneath this bed of ashes, still withholding everything

Like we were never close

The singer surprised you and under a breath he hopped down from the stage to join the crowd. He approached you with a sway and a open offered hand. You looked into his eyes with a twinkle in yours. The girls cheering you on, you took his hand and swung into the music.

Don't you worry, baby, no sense tryin' to change it

I'ma strike these matches, never had control

I'm ready to let go, no, was I foolin' myself?

I'ma spread these ashes, never had control

I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready to let go

Here you were free to experience life, a break from the bullets, free from the heated stares of the 141. Well, at least for a while. You would go back eventually, you bag had enough supplies for a few days. As you spun in the singers free arms flashes of green, blue and brown spun through your vision. You were a little under but still alert, but with the music you let it all go. 

Sun went down, sun went down over Pompeii

On holy ground, our vows were broken

We met up, we broke bread, I was blue, your dress was red

Ain't it strange? We both knew this day was comin'

As we slow danced, I became your statue frozen

Times I wonder, are we just a puff of smoke? Yeah

Underneath this bed of ashes, still withholding everything

Like we were never close

He pulled you closer in then, even if for a fleeting moment you felt your heart skip a beat. His eyes were obsidian, reflecting the lights like stars and he sings until he’s breathless. You wondered for a moment what could happen. 

Don't you worry, baby, no sense tryin' to change it

I'ma strike these matches, never had control

I'm ready to let go, no, was I foolin' myself?

I'ma spread these ashes, never had control

I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready to let go

But as you dance the more of alert of the ladies elbows another, her head tilting subtly towards the entrance of the outdoor bar, where a familiar new set of men appeared. The girl went towards getting you but her friend stopped her as four sets of eyes found you then split up. She sent the girls a look.

Let’s see what happens.

Meanwhile you know the song is finishing and you find yourself taking the hand of the singer and he pulled you into a light embrace and spun you out as he finished breathlessly

Don't you worry, baby, no sense tryin' to change it

I'ma strike these matches, never had control

I'm ready to let go, no, was I foolin' myself?

I'ma spread these ashes, never had control

I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready to let go

He stops with a hum as the music continues for a few paces then goes out with the cheering of the crowd. You spin on the pads of your feet with a whooping feeling light in your chest, but you then bump into someone. But before you can apologize you are turned around in their arms and your breath hitches as Simon is staring down at you with dark eyes. It is then you sense another presence behind you and between you and the singer (whose hands are up in surrender) is Johnny.

The sounds of the band drown out with the depths of Simon’s eyes. There is too much there for you to comprehend. His sudden appearance breaks up the alcohol burning in your system and you stand up straighter. Emotions swirl underneath his balaclava, that alone a straight giveaway to his identity. There is anger yes, that much is evident, but you see the stinging presence of worry and something much deeper you dare not name. You turn your head away, the weight of the emotion pulling your heart back from the sky.

The singer shifted looking a little concerned, but Soap was a wide wall of muscle and kept himself close enough to brush your back from within Simon’s arms. The girls however outnumbered the men and give you a knowing look, you nod and they pull the singer away as he nods. You see Soap loosen immediately before turning and forcing your eyes into his.

Stormy blue oceans, the depth of which scare you as he nods to Simon towards the empty bar. You sigh and force yourself to loosen in Simon’s arms. He passes you to Soap and the men pull you gently to the bar where you are especially ashamed to see not only Kyle with your stuff, but a in the corner of the venue, out of noting eyes was John. Gaz with your bag, drew towards you and the four of you reached the awaiting Captain.  

Johnny stood at your right, Kyle moving to your left and Simon towering over you like a vengeful wraith, and Johnny still had not let you go. You move to pull your arm from his, but he gives you a stern look, something of a overprotective mastiff. 

“MacTavish”

“Captain-”

“Johnny.”

Simon’s deep voice rumbles from behind. Johnny hands trace down yours slowly before he takes your hand with a sigh, the tension finally releasing as his pinky takes yours in a final embrace before he finally lets go of you. He huffs and turns away in a slight pout that warms your heart and you find yourself taking his pinky back with yours. It’s a small show but the way his eyes light up behind the worry makes your heart melt. The other men trace the action, Kyle’s eyes meeting Price’s in silent communication. You all stand for a moment longer, not daring to speak, but when the wind causes you to shiver, alcohol in your system reddening your cheeks, its the weight of Simon against your back that surprises you, his arms, minding Soap’s hand, come under yours and wrap around you, his warmth melting into yours.

“‘Were worried Dove.” He leans down over you until his chin rests in top of your head and you can feel the rumble of his voice in your soul. It’s Kyle that speaks next.

“That was one of the stupidest things you’ve ever done Love.” The man frowns, but his eyes move back to the singer and the group of girls, then he eyes you again sharply.

“What if something had happened?”

Its hard to move with Simon's weight on you but you shot Kyle a withering look.

“Nothing happened, I happened to be having fun.”

“But he had his arms-”

“Kyle”

John’s voice finally speaks up and the man turns away to glower at the crowd, then he reaches a hand for your free one and meets your eyes. There you see a storm of concern, a deep fondness and a bit of protectiveness. 

“We need to talk Love, about the past months.” John takes command again, something deep in his soul calm again seeing his team together. But there was time in the morning to talk. He could see the exhaustion of the day creeping into as did the other men.

“In the morning, John” SImon’s voice rumbles feeling your form sway.

“Right Simon” he nods but before turning John steps forward and presses a kiss to your forehead. The action jolting your heart awake and leaving you flushed. 

“John?”

“It’s ok sweetheart, sleep, we’ll get you home.”

With that he turns as Kyle and Johnny reluctantly release your hands. This leaves you and Simon as the men wait.

“Si-?” You are suddenly lifted, strong arms finding your back and under your knees to lift you bridal style. You look up at him with wide eyes and he chuckles,

“I think I like the sound of that Love.”

And with a final turn to the crowd you manage a wave to the girls and the singer who shoots you a wink that causes a huff from simon before the man turns to follow the others.

Time to go home and as they walk, joking amongst each other with Simon’s soft voice luring you to sleep, You feel the loving eyes of the four men on you as you fall asleep. 

---- 

End Part One!

Taglist! @ghostlythots

[hazelsmirrorball]

Rockstar Girlfriend V. | Hazel Callahan

Rockstar! Hazel Callahan x Popstar! Reader Summary: Hazel Callahan and Y/n L/n have to be in a pr relationship, but both of them can stand each other.  Warnings: Enemies to lovers! Enemies to lovers! Enemies to lovers! Angst, Fight (not physical) Not proof read. Sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my main language.  a/n: I swear things are going to look up in the next part. Thanks you so much for all the love and support. 

part one. part two. part three. part four. 

Hazel Callahan wasn’t the type of girl to believe in spiritual things yet she was praying to God to take her out of the situation she was currently in. Hazel wanted to scream, pull her hair out and let the ground eat her away. But there she was living her actual hell. She was certain that hell was real. Hazel had heard the phrase  “Go to hell” a lot of times in her lifetime.  Sometimes directed to other people, sometimes directed to her by her bandmates in a joking and serious manner, her mom would occasionally slip a “go to hell” when she got tired of her shit, haters online would comment on it everyday, she was used to it by now taking it sometimes as a compliment. But what Hazel never knew was that her living hell was going to become a reality. 

Going on tour. 

Don’t get her wrong. She loved being on the road, meeting fans, getting to know new places,  selling out stadiums, having fun, but as of right now she wanted to walk outside and let the tour bus smash her into little pieces. Management thought that the PR thing should stop but that they were going  to  use the advantage that it brought to make both bands tour together. It didn’t make sense to Hazel at all, why would someone pay to see a rock band and have to deal with some little pop girls as the openers. If you asked her that would be her second hell, her first hell being stuck with Y/n in the damn tour bus. 

Even though Management claimed that they were doing amazing when it came to money. Both bands couldn’t understand why they only had one tour bus for six people and they also couldn’t understand how they couldn’t do two separate tours instead of one. If they had all the money they claimed they had, management could’ve done several tours, not just one big one, let alone have the necessity to share  a bus. 

Hazel really needed to get her mind off things with her managers bitching and moaning about the tour, PJ and Josie not deciding what songs to pick for the set list, Isabel and Brittany waking her up at the crack ass of dawn practicing their dance moves and just Y/n’s mere existence made her blood boil. She had been sucking up everything for the past week and she couldn’t hold it any longer. If she had to hear someone else fighting or hard footsteps she was going to throw herself off the bus.  She was on edge and she needed to let loose. 

So when they made their first stop of the tour near a club, things started to look up for Hazel. She had managed to slip away from one of the bodyguards' grasp , ending up having the best night at the club. Alcohol, sex and drugs. The rockstar dream, Hazel was enjoying herself pushing past the fact that she was going to regret everything on tomorrow's show. But as of now she felt on cloud nine and she didn’t want to leave. As she tried getting in the bus as quietly as possible not wanting to gain anyones attention but sadly as she opened the door her eyes landed on e/c one’s. Hazel quickly rolled her eyes watching how Y/n’s beautiful skin glowed, while her ears were covered in her headphones. Y/n’s eyes wandered Hazel’s face placing the guitar she was holding down next to her. 

“You do know you have a show tomorrow, right?” Y/n said breaking the silence while pushing her headphones off. Hazel muttered a river of curse words while imitating Y/n’s voice in an annoying  manner. The only thing Y/n could hear was Hazel’s whines escaping her lips but aside from that all of it was gibberish. Hazel rolled her eyes once again as she stumbled in taking her shoes off while her gaze stayed on the floor looking at the shiny guitar that was next to Y/n’s leg. Her eyes took in the guitar, noticing her name engraved at the top. 

“What the fuck are you doing with my guitar?” Hazel said angrily, snatching it from Y/n’s side and placing it back in her case. Y/n watched Hazel’s toned arm flex as she put the guitar away. She quickly shut the book she was currently writing on, snapping herself back into reality. 

“I thought you wouldn’t mind since I’ve used it before” Y/n replied nervously as Hazel turned to face her, visually alarmed. 

“Actually, L/n. I do mind. Don’t touch my fucking things. I don’t want you near my things let alone touching them. Everything you touch you fucking ruin. Don’t you think you have ruined enough things in my life already ” Hazel exclaimed loudly pulling on her hair while towering over her. Y/n looked up from her seat nervously scared of what was to come watching Hazel’s uneven breathing and pissed off face. 

“You don’t mean that Hazel, you’re just high” Y/n replied attempting to stand up but instantly Hazel pushed her down trapping her on the couch with her hands on Y/n’s shoulders. Y/n froze dead in her spot not knowing the things that were going through Hazel’s head. 

“Oh, I meant every single thing. Do you think I forgot what you did? You know what… You’ve always hated me for having everything, everything you ever wanted. But there’s a difference between you and me. Everything I have, I’ve worked for it. Never had I made someone fall in love with me so they would write me songs. I would never waste someone’s time. At least I’m actually talented to do my work. At least all my awards and all my fame is because I’m actually talented.”  Hazel yelled, taking Y/n by the chin to make her look at her.  She was pissed and she needed to take her anger on someone. 

“I just did the same thing your mom did” Y/n replied nonchalantly while looking up from her lashes. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Hazel asked confused, leaning down, inches away from Hazel.

“I fucked the person in charge just to get what I wanted. Just like your mom did so you could have the success you have” Y/n replied softly, but as those words left out her mouth she instantly regretted it watching the life leave Hazel’s face. She angrily let go of her face, taking a deep breath and picking up her guitar case. 

“Go to hell, Y/n. You’ve changed, all  this fame has gotten way past your head” 

“Where are you going, Hazel?” Y/n said standing up from the couch and following close behind. 

“If I'm such an untalented person and I’m in the band because of my mom. I bet they don’t need me for tomorrow's show. You’ll do a great job explaining that to management. Now do me a favor and go to hell” Hazel yelled, slamming the tour bus door on Y/n’s face. 

...

thank you for reading!

previous imagine

[babydin]

Make A Wish - REQUEST

ANON REQUESTED: But what if Sarah never died? And Reader was married to Joel pre-outbreak but when the outbreak happened they (Reader and Sarah) got separated from Joel and he was convinced they had both died. But then they reunite in Jackson.

- Joel Miller x f!reader - 18+, minors DNI! - Joel is dad, references to violence, domesticated af, angsty, fluff, pre-outbreak, post-outbreak, time-jumps. - 2490 words  - Comments/likes appreciated. Requests are open! A/N: I had some song inspo with this one in the way of Zambezi by Rationale (released under Tinashe). I also headcanoned that the Miller brothers are (at least) half Latino seeing as they had two Latino actors play them. Fight me on it.

Do you remember the day the soldiers came with all their guns? 'Cause I remember begging you to leave my love, "Just run! Past the river, don't you dare look back for me my love. I will come. I will come, because you're the one."

 You knew what you were getting yourself into. Your mother thought you were insane but she didn’t know Joel Miller like you did. He was 4 years divorced when you met him with the sweetest little girl. He made it clear from the outset that he was a single father, and Sarah’s mother had left when Sarah was a baby and she wasn’t coming back “I’m tellin’ y’now because girls tend t’ cut an’ run the second they find out I’m a twofer.” he explained on the first date your best friend had set you up on. “Sarah is my number one, she is my top priority.”

You hadn’t intended to date anyone who ‘was a twofer’ as he put it, but the way he spoke about his daughter, and the way his face lit up when he did, you knew you wanted to give him a shot.   You dated, you married after two years of being together, and you had 8 years of marital bliss as a perfectly happy family before the world turned on its ass.

OUTBREAK DAY

You find Joel and Sarah in the kitchen making dinner. The Clash are playing from a vinyl record in the next room and they’re both so into it; You remember Joel telling you that Sarah had been a fan of the Clash since she was a baby.

“You should be sitting down doing nothing, birthday boy.” You tell him, swatting his rear end playfully as you lean over his shoulder to see what he’s fixing. Of course it’s a chili con carne; he was half Texan half Latino.

“And leave the cookin’ to you two? Yeah ‘cus that’s how I wanna spend the rest of my birthday… dead.”

“Hey!” Sarah drawls.

You pinch his sides and it coaxes a ticklish squeal from him.

Sarah goes to set the dinner table, singing to Joe Strummer's ongoing debate about whether he should stay or whether he should go.

There’s an almighty bang from somewhere and it’s enough to make Joel put his spoon down, “Sarah?”

You both turn around to go into the dining room but Sarah’s on her way back with a fist full of cutlery to ask the same question.

“What the hell was that?” Joel asked, “Did you drop something? Did something fall?”

Sarah shakes her head, her ringlets bounce as she does and her eyes are full of fear.

Joel’s trying to figure out if she means that or if she’s saying no because she’s scared to say yes. The second bang answers his question.

“What the fuck?” he mutters, and goes to the front door to see what’s going on. Sarah finds comfort in your arms and you rub your hand over her back and tell her it’ll be okay. You can hear commotion outside and you put one hand over Sarah’s ear and press her into your chest so she can’t hear.  You can hear Joel talking to the neighbors but you can’t hear what he’s saying, then suddenly there’s a PA urging people to stay inside.

Joel comes back after a few moments, “Military jets,” he says from the hallway as he makes his way back through the house “they just sonic “they just went supersonic, there’s somethin’ happenin’.” he doesn’t come back to you, he goes straight to the living room and turns on the TV. You don’t fully listen to what is said but you hear the words ‘risk to life’ and ‘infected’.

“Jesus fuckin’ christ.”

You jump nearly out of your skin and cling tighter to Sarah when the door bursts open and Joel’s brother Tommy runs through the house “Joelie! Joel!” He finds the two of you in the kitchen and then Joel joins you all.

“What the fuck is going on man?” Joel begs the question, leaning in to turn off the stove. The chili is ruined now, he’s sure of it.

“There are soldiers everywhere, they’re telling everyone to stay inside, but the infection is spreading like wildfire here, if we stay we ain’t got a chance in hell Joel, we have to get out of town.”

You feel Sarah’s body tremble and there’s a slight moisture that falls on your shirt and you realize she’s silently crying. If you squeeze her any tighter she might suffocate but you do anyway, just to try and shield her from the horrors that are unfolding. She had started calling you Mom when she was 9 years old, and you loved her like she was yours from the day you met,  “We can’t just leave. We can’t–” You look at Joel desperately.

Joel looks at you, and he looks at Tommy. You can see he’s torn, he needs to keep his family safe and right now he doesn’t know if leaving is the safest option or staying put is.

Should I stay or should I go? 

“Alright, let’s go.” He says finally. “Go upstairs, throw some stuff in a bag.”

“Hurry up.” Tommy adds.

  You punch him in the chest as you walk past him, holding Sarah’s hand to lead her upstairs to help her pack a bag. You try to keep her talking to distract her from the screaming, and the gunfire from the situation that has escalated outside, through the window you see a faint glow of flames and you wonder how the hell you’re even going to make it out of the town. It’s difficult for a 14 year old to whittle down the most important things in her life to one rucksack, it’s difficult for you to decide what from your 10 year relationship with Joel means enough to survive the apocalypse. Because that’s how it felt. You take your wedding photos, you take childhood photos from Sarah’s life; things like that can’t be replaced but other shit can.

You both head back downstairs and you throw Joel his bag. The vinyl has stopped and it’s now skipping but it doesn’t feel like there’s time to lift the needle. You just leave the house and cram into Tommy’s truck. Something down the street catches Joel’s eye and he gets back out again.

“Joel!” you and Tommy both yell at the same time Sarah cries out “Daddy!”

“I’ll catch you up!” he yells back.

“The fuck you will.” You mutter under your breath, getting out of the truck too, “Joel Miller!”

He stops and turns around, “Run.” he orders, looking over your shoulder at his crying daughter in the back seat of the truck, “I’ll find you.” he looks back at you, “I promise I’ll find you.”

There are soldiers surrounding you who start to scream at you to get back inside your house, their guns aimed to tell you that their threats are serious.

“I’ll find you.” 

FOUR YEARS LATER

You knew what you were getting yourself into. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you fell in love with Joel Miller and his four year old daughter. Your mother thought you were insane and maybe she was right. What you didn’t expect was for a bunch of mutant mushrooms to eat away at people’s brains and turn them into, well, there was no easier way to say it than zombies. You didn’t expect Joel to be missing, presumed dead, and to raise Sarah mostly by yourself. The people of Jackson were helpful people, they were in a tight knit community because they had no choice but to be. Where else were they going to go in a world of nothing? It had been four years since you last saw Joel. Four years, nine months and twenty nine days to be exact. You made a point to count the days because you didn’t want Sarah to ever miss a birthday. She was turning 18 now, and if the world was normal she’d be getting excited to make plans for college and register to vote - because Sarah Miller was very opinionated and had a good head on her shoulders, and she definitely would not have let her voice go unheard - but the world wasn’t normal. So you woke as you always did, tucked up together in a double bed, the morning sun illuminating the room with a golden glow and the two of you stretching like a couple of lazy house cats. “Happy birthday, baby!” You croak, pulling her closer. The older she got the closer your relationship became, it might’ve been pathetic but she was your best friend and you hoped you were hers. She wasn’t a child anymore, she was an adult (although it pained you to admit she hadn’t been a child for a long time). “Thank you.” She smiled sleepily and scrubbed her eyes. She wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for you counting down the days. “What’s your birthday wish this year?” You ask. Sarah sighed and looked over your shoulder at the photograph on your nightstand of you and Joel on your wedding day, six year old Sarah who had been a flower girl, tucked onto his hip as you all smiled into the camera. A perfect picture of a happy family. “Him.” It’s been the same wish for the last four years, and you wish you could fulfill it for her. “I know, baby. I miss him too.. More than anything actually. I don’t miss going to the movies, or grocery shopping, or parent-teacher conferences or any of the boring, mundane stuff that just doesn’t exist anymore. At least not in the capacity that it used to… I just miss him.” In an attempt to lighten the mood a little you add, “I made a cake for you last night, you want some for your breakfast?” “For breakfast?!” “It’s your birthday! And you’re an adult now.” The day passes by as the days often do, slowly and unspectacularly. On slow days nothing happens in Jackson, occasionally bandits come and try to raid the dam that powers the town but their missions are always shut down quickly by those appointed to secure it. You and Sarah are tending to the patch of vegetables you have in your front yard when you hear a voice from the entrance of the town echo “Stop right there!” Both of you look up. You can’t see what’s happening but you wish people would stop pointing their guns. You can only assume someone has wandered through the forest and found the town, the guard on the gate has stopped them in their tracks. Understandably, newcomers aren’t welcomed warmly in fear of infection. You see the person set down a rifle, and a backpack and their hands disappear from their side to, you assume, rise in surrender. You strain slightly and hear a gruff voice speak but you cannot make out words and no matter where you position yourself you cannot get a good look at the newcomer.  The guard yells for Tommy, who is always close by and your interest is piqued. You rise from your knees and your eyes scan for where Tommy is going to come from, when you find him you watch him, you study his face and you watch it fall. He points a finger at the guard, “Put your fucking gun down! Don’t you dare! Don’t you shoot!” he picks up his pace, he jogs, he runs. You start to walk and you hear a second voice yell for Tommy. It’s the newcomer’s voice. It’s familiar somehow. The two men come into view, locked in a tight embrace, you can only see Tommy but you keep walking towards them, you barely hear Sarah calling out ‘Mom’ from the swirling in your head. “Tommy?” You ask when you’re in earshot. The newcomer pries himself out of Tommy’s grip and his head snaps in your direction. A lump forms in your throat and your chest heaves so much you feel as if you could throw up. Joel. It’s him. It’s really him. He’s got flecks of silver running through his hair now, maybe a few more wrinkles. Patches of darkened skin from wounds he’s gained over the years, and a few small fresh purple bruises. You haven’t seen him cry since Sarah moved up from Kindergarten to big girl school and she was gone all day and he didn’t know what to do with himself. You thought he’d be better when she went from middle school to high school but he was just as bad then. But he was crying now. He was sobbing in such a way you wondered if he’d been alone for these years apart; you didn’t ask, it didn’t matter. He was here. You could hardly believe it. Your eyes filled with tears of joy; you had dreamed of the day that Joel might be returned to you, although you had given up hope of that ever happening, you had imagined yourself being the same sobbing mess that Joel was but you weren’t at all. Your body was vibrating with delight, and your smile was so big your cheeks were hurting. “Hi.” you whispered. That was all it took for him to drag you into his arms and squeeze you so tightly that it almost winded you. You took all of him in again, the feeling of his body against yours, his arms wrapped around you, the smell of him in your nose. “I thought I’d lost you forever.” he whispered, “I thought you’d—” he couldn’t finish that sentence, but you knew, because you thought the same of him.  “You said you’d find us. You did.” Us. Joel’s eyes open and scan the surroundings over your shoulder, you hear him sob and he pulls away from you and he runs towards her. His baby girl. Sarah starts crying as she jumps up into his arms, her limbs wrapping around him like a koala bear. It doesn’t matter how old she gets, she’ll always be his baby. You approach them and hear Joel whispering “Look at you,” as he brushes his hand over the back of her head, “my little girl, look at you.” Sarah dropped down so she could look at him too, your arms wrapped around Joel’s middle as he studied her face so carefully, his fingers delicately mapping out her features, “You’re all grown up,” he says in a chuckle, but with a hint of sorrow in his voice. “I wished for you.” Sarah tells him, her voice has more childlike innocence in it than you’ve heard in a long time. “Today is my birthday, Daddy. I wished for you.” Joel put one arm around you so he could embrace the both of you, “I always knew you were magic, babygirl.” “Are you staying here with us? Are we going to be a family again?” “No.” you answer before Joel does, much to the surprise of your husband and daughter, “Not until he’s had a shower.” Joel breathes out a sigh of relief and kisses your forehead.

[spacebarbarianweird]

Hi! Love your writing and I wanted to give you some food for thought, see if it interests you perhaps 🤭 Astarion×Tav is usually about someone smaller in size and maybe a druid or healer, but my character is a tiefling berserk barbarian... with a bigger body size... horns and tail in all their glory... if you are interested I'd love to hear if you'd got some headcanons for a character like this? 💕🙏🏻

Hi! When imagining a bigger f!Tav with Astarion, I can't stop thinking about Gwendolyn Christie (aka Brienne of Tarth) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (aka Jaime Lannister). Look at the photos of them, especially when Gwen wears high-heels (and she also has a husband who is much shorter than her but sews all her dresses to make her the most fabulous 6.3 ft tall woman)

Also, Neil Newbon plays a bigger druid, Tav. He was shocked that she picked Astarion in the first sex scene ^-^

NSFW Version

Masterlist

Headcanons

Astarion x F!BulkyTav

When you hug, Astarion's face is right up against your chest, and he can hear your heartbeat.

Which is soothing to him.

The running water problem is solved! You lift Astarion "bridal style" and put him onto your shoulders to cross the river.

Astarion is grumpy about it every time.

But deep inside, he enjoys it.

Need a better view to aim? Well, you are right here in all your barbarian 6.3 ft. glory!

Astarion can't take his eyes off how graciously you walk with a two-handed ax on your shoulders.

And once you both return to the civilized world, he will get you a dress and high heels.

Because with high heels and a dress, you will look like a gods damn goddess of war!

Is he intimidated by the fact you are taller? Never. You are his big and powerful wife, and he's proud of everything you do!

You are a big spoon, of course. And being wrapped in your hands makes Astarion feel warm and safe.

When in rage, you don't feel pain, and it hurts him to see you wounded and with broken bones

He puts your head on his lap and strokes your hair to soothe you after the battle.

Once, Astarion was caught off guard by vampire hunters who beat him and left him helpless in the sunrise.

You managed to get there right in time to crack the hunters' skulls.

And quickly carry Astarion to the safety and darkness.

Unfortunately, the merciless sun burnt him enough to slow vampire regeneration, and it took Astarion a month to fully recover.

All this time, you nurtured and fed him, telling him stories and legends of your people and only leaving him once you needed to fetch some food for yourself.

Seeing him being able to walk again was the happiest moment of your life.

When he drinks your blood, it's him sitting on your lap.

"You are a messy eater, you know that?" you ask, seeing him covered in your blood.

"You are a terribly messy eater, I hope you know that?" he comments, looking at you eating a boar's leg.

He laughs at you being not so discreet in the wilderness and attracting all sorts of enemies in your journey.

"Darling, you are loud like an ork and have the manners of a giant!"

Once you got so drunk in a feast after killing a dragon, you came to Astarion and started talking different sweet nonsense.

"I want to have silver-curled babies with you. Imagine how fierce they will be!"

Indeed, you are strong and fierce, wearing the heavy armor set, but you are still a woman, a woman Astarion loves and takes care of.

"Wear a helmet, Tav! Last time we had a quest, our half-ork companion used your head as a battering ram! Get the fucking helmet!"

Once, the enemy was too strong, and you ended up severely wounded. The most challenging thing for Astarion was to get rid of the heavy armor on your broken body to carry you to a safe place.

The view of you in pain and agony traumatized him so much he didn't dare to leave your side until you fully recovered.

You want to die in a glorious battle and bards to make songs about you.

Astarion promises you not to step into the sun once you die this glorious death but to make sure every bard and storyteller knows about your deeds and adventures.

But until then...

You have plenty of things to kill!

Hope you enjoyed it!

[emeritus-fuckers]

HI I LOVE Y'ALL'S BLOG SO MUCH!!! AAAA

Okay, I'll calm down now. I was wondering if you'd be interested by the idea of a newly summoned ghoul reader struggling to get to grips with their instrument and panicking about not being good enough for tour yet and being comforted by one of the ghouls?

I'm currently struggling to learn bass to get good enough for a band I have a chance to be in and it's really wreaking havoc on my mental health being so confused and getting it wrong over and over and y'all's writing in comfort scenarios always makes me feel better... So I thought I'd shoot my shot!

I hope you're having an amazing day, this blog brightens up my day every time! <3

Water ghouls helping a newly summoned ghoul learn their instrument

Chain (it/ghoul)

Chain is a fucking goofball.

Don't let its big, intimidating form fool you, Chain is a goofy dumbass who can barely keep up a "mysterious" act.

So when you come to ghoul and ask to learn how to play bass, it's delighted to help, all giggly and shit.

Ghoul's not the best teacher, he gets too excited and ahead of ghoulself, teaching you the "cool" riffs becore the easy ones.

It does get bonus points for being patient and hyping you up, though.

And the reward kisses. The reward kisses are nice.

Lake (he/him)

He comes accross very serious and when you ask him and you are pretty nervous.

He nods and gestures for you to follow him. He finds a cozy practice room well out of the way.

Despite his scary front he takes teaching you very seriously and is very supportive.

He's actually a really good teacher and takes time to show you good technique and teach you the songs you need to learn.

He rarely gives out compliments but when he does you know he completely means it.

Also when you get him to smile, either by a joke or playing well or just by being yourself.

You end up getting very close.

River (they/them)

They are a slut about it. A complete whore.

Every single dirty joke they can make while teaching you is made. Everything from fingering it correctly to thrusting with their own bass.

Shockingly, they are still a very good teacher. Only making the dirty jokes as you get closer to mastering each skill.

River definitely sits behind you to guide your hands on new notes and skills, hands on teacher when it’s needed. Only with consent of course.

Will absolutely bring you out for food after practice. They’re a slut but a classy slut. They buy you dinner before trying to get in your pants.

Cowbell (they/it)

It's a bit surprised to be your choice for bass lessons. After all, their only real performance was what landed them a name. And it was just trying to prank Papa.

But, the name stuck and it just couldn't go out of its way to change it, especially when you started to use "Cowie" as a cute little nickname that they just needed to hear every single day of its life.

But, fortunately for you, they just so happen to play bass as well, just like most water ghouls. They were just beginner level, but still.

You two practice together, figuring the instrument out.

It's a lot of fun, both you and Cowbell enjoy it a lot, even if it's a bit frustrating sometimes. At least you get frustrated together, right?

You end up better than it. Somehow, you end up tutoring them, instead of the other way around.

Mist (he/she)

He's thrilled to help out with that. Mist really likes alone time together, especially if you two just chill, enjoying a common hobby.

So she's happy to teach you guitar. Might offer playing Guitar Hero first so you can train your fingers a bit.

The first song you learn how to play is Gorillaz's Feel Good Inc., which is her favorite non-Ghost song. And the bass is very pleasant in the song.

He casually rests against your back, just listening to you play and giving small comments on what you can do better whenever you mess up.

There's this weird feeling of comfort during your practice sessions.

She starts a tickle fight the moment you put the guitar down.

Never let them know your next move type of shit.

Rain (he/she/ve)

He's a bit surprised when you ask, but doesn't see a reason to refuse.

But hey, ve's a good teacher! Really good, actually.

Rain sometimes even organizes classes for ghouls and Siblings who want to play bass.

She first gets you your own bass and lets you customize it with stickers. Not many people know this, but Sodo got the "YouSuck" sticker from her.

He's very patient with you, starting with basic notes and riffs before slowly moving to more complicated stuff.

Somehow, no matter who ve's teaching, her work is always excellent when it comes to teaching.

And he's very sweet with his rewards, if you catch my drift.

Storm (they/he)

They're chill with the idea. I mean, if you wanna learn, then who is he to deny you the fun that is playing bass?

Also, he doesn't say bass like the instrument, he says it like the fish, which is sorta funny during the lessons.

No, they will not be corrected on how to say it.

He's gonna sit you in his lap and show you everything, step by step.

They also let you experiment and play around, offering tips whenever you ask.

A decent teacher, not too great but not too bad, either.

~

Chain, Cowbell, Mist, Rain and Storm written by Nosferatu.

Lake written by Nyx.

River written by Death.

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS — CH. 3

Chapter Three: Light Carries On Endlessly Even After Death

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, tiny fluff, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Singing, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing

Word Count: 9.7k

A/N: This chapter is inspired by a mix of quotes and songs! Super unrelated, but it occurred to me, if I was in TLOU universe, I would not survive. I need my antidepressants and immediately would call it quits LMAO. (I know dark humor sorry :,) If you want to see my thought process (idk if you want to) I’ll put it at the end notes! Thank you for your comments, reblogs, and notes! I genuinely appreciate it and it means alot to me &lt;3

Song: Make You Feel My Love by Adele

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD — 2023

TEN MILES WEST OF BOSTON – DUSK

You trek your way into the forest, you hear your footsteps squishing through the mud and dirt, and the pounding of your breath. The sun is beginning to set, dusk then brings you moonlight, a time to reflect on the day that has past and look forward to the day that will be refreshed by the glow of the sun. It is the time when the birds sing farewell till the stars call them to sleep under the wings. Each color intensifies in beautiful solemnity, uniting in the darkness. 

No one spoke for the entirety of the hike, the silence carries your melancholy, yet it is a permanent friend of your subconsciousness. The deafness is only broken by ragged breaths and the beating of human hearts. Joel comes to a stop, his back facing you and Ellie as he speaks, “We’ll camp here for the night. I’ll take watch.”

You look to Ellie who merely shrugs, the two of you say nothing and begin to set up camp on the forest floor. You hear the rushing water of a river nearby and realize where you’ve ended up. Placing your backpack on the floor, you raise your arms and stretch to the sky, undoing the painful knots in your back and neck. You let out a sigh of relief and prepare for the inevitable. Joel calls out your name and you turn to face him, ready to take on the brunt of his pain and rage.

His eyebrows lower slightly, and the tone of his voice goes down a pitch, “You and I need to talk.” You take an uneasy breath and nod in agreement despite the sweat coating both palms. He takes a step closer to you and asks, “Did you know?” he raises his voice a little, “Did you know about Tess?” You look down in shame and whisper, “Yes.”

It takes everything he has to keep his control, jaw clenched and narrowed eyes, “Why?” he says. A question so simple, a three-letter word holding so much weight, and so much anger towards you. “Why didn’t you tell me?” You swallow and avoid responding, choosing silence over an argument. He scoffs and shakes his head, and you cross your arms across your chest. The more he fumed, the smaller you made herself.

You shift your weight from one foot to the other, and only look up to see his broad shoulders and back facing you, he mumbles with a quiet rage, “I’m gonna go check the area and make sure it’s safe and that there aren’t any infected nearby.”

“This ain’ gonna work if you keep hidin’ secrets from me Hummin’ bird.” He turns and walks away, disappearing into the woods. “Well, that was dramatic.” You turn to find Ellie sitting comfortably, back resting against the pine tree in a crisscross position, you open your mouth to ask if she was okay but decided against it. Instead, you nod, “Yeah. I’m, um, sorry about that.” Ellie only shrugs, “He must’ve loved her or something.” Your gaze softens as you whisper into the cool navy twilight, “Or something.”

YOUR ORIGINAL OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE — JANUARY 2023, NOON

WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY, FUNDAMENTAL QUANTUM PHYSICS LAB

The sleeves of your white lab coat itch your arms as you focused on typing up your report. The clacking sound of your keyboard could be heard from around the lab as you typed. You were invited to assist in a study focusing on quantum mechanics and theory. The lab wasn’t as busy today, most of them had decided to join the conference that was being held at Harvard, busy networking and connecting with possible investors or fellow researchers.

It was only you and Adam that was left in the lab, his excuse was he would rather put acid in his eyes than shake hands and give fake niceties. He’s nearby testing his new hypothesis, and decides to make conversation with you, “If we manage to prove this, then it is possible, somewhere in the many worlds, a pandemic happened earlier in a different universe.” You roll your eyes in amusement, “Yeah, I guess so.” You’re in thought for a moment before asking, “Do you think humanity won? Like, they overcame it?” He hums, “Maybe. Or maybe they lost.” You snort and throw a careless joke, “Everyone would blame our shitty government and us, the scientists. How ignorant must you be for it to happen twice?” 

“Well, all disaster movies start with a scientist being ignored.” He says matter-of-factly, and you give no response,  and you continue typing up your report. Silently hoping that if it were true, that humanity would still have hope, small but just enough to let the shine through, and believe that they haven’t lost yet. You look at the time and log out of your work computer, packing up your things, and asking Adam if he would like to join you for lunch he politely declines, so you bid him farewell as you head out the doors to step on the grey pavement of the campus and make your way to a nearby restaurant. It’s a beautiful day, you think to yourself, clear blue skies and a cool breeze that caresses your skin. You take notice of the blue butterfly fluttering its wings and flying right past you, you smile as it leaves an afterimage of change.

TLOU WORLD — 2023

TEN MILES WEST OF BOSTON — CIVIL TWILIGHT DAWN

You wake up with a deep inhale, your eyes struggle to open, and try to understand where you were. Tired from the dream, well, a memory that replayed like a cassette tape on a player that pressed rewind. You blink a couple of times before rubbing your eyes awake and retrace your steps in your mind as you recall what happened last night, only to remember giving Ellie your jacket and waiting up for Joel to come back from scouting the area for any signs of danger.

You sit up a little straighter and crack the aching parts of your neck, you look next to yourself and see Ellie lightly snoring up against a tree, still asleep. You look at the familiar jacket draped over your body that had kept you warm during the cold night. Joel must’ve placed it on top of you when he found you barely awake and functioning.

You can’t help but smile and feel your heart flutter at the thought of him taking care of you. You feel the muscles of your cheeks tighten as you try to hide away your smile and hoist yourself up quietly, not wanting to disturb Ellie’s slumber. Letting Joel’s jacket drape off of your shoulders, you use your hands to hold the collar, creating a cape that drapes behind you. 

You head towards the sound of the stream, it burbles as it travels along its bed, bubbling over rocks and branches. It was a delicate duck-egg blue, like the delicate sweep of a painter's brush. It snuck and snuck its way past all impediments, even the river's stones. Twigs spun across its murmuring surface, small messengers from the mountain trees that had brought them there. The creek rushed across the riverbed's pebbles. It sounded like a starling flock's airy, silky spin.

In the background, the mountains stood silently, a sullen presence of sky-punching glory. Snow brooches adorned their lofty peaks, which were encircled in angel-white wreaths. A weeping torrent cascaded down the granite wall. It appeared to be a silk-blue slide pouring down the mountain. It looked to be bound in silver as it carried its burden of ice crystals. It emitted a distant thrumming sound, similar to the constant rumble of a drum roll. It glowed brightly as it fed the riverbed, the forest's lifeblood. It was a breathtaking sight.

Your gaze turns to fine Joel’s figure kneeling, hunched over, and quietly picking stones from the river’s edge. You watch from a distance as he silently stacks a pile of stones to create a cairn, a memorial for Tess. You make sure your footsteps can be heard as you approach him, but he gave no acknowledgment as you decide to sit atop a large rock. It takes a while before he looks at you, and finds you staring right through him with sorrowful eyes. 

You let out a huff of air before speaking in a neutral tone, “I don’t mean to keep secrets from you. If I had come here a day before the pandemic, a day before your birthday, I would have done everything to make sure this never happened.” You paused for a moment then continued, “You asked me why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell you because I thought I could do it on my own. I’ve been doing this for my whole life, keeping the peace and fixing things by myself, and I got it right every time. And the one time I get it wrong it cost someone’s life.” 

You feel your voice quiver as you spoke, eyes darting to look past him, afraid of the rage and grief he feels, “Someone you loved is gone. I’m sorry, Joel. But God, I know that will never be enough and no amount of apologies will bring her back. I had a chance and I fucked up. If I could… If I could press rewind and trade her life for mine I would if that would make it any better for you.”

“No.” Joel states and your eyebrows furrow in confusion, and slowly bring your eyes to look at him, “No?” And he shakes his head and picks up another rock as he says, “I accept your apology, but stop doin’ that.” You tilt your head quizzically, “Don’t do what?” He gruffly replies, “Minimize your life as if it doesn’t matter. As if it ain’t just as important.” She felt her breathing pause and peered intently at him before trying to argue, “But–” He shuts her down before she could go on, “Stop it, as you said, no amount of apologizin’ is gonna bring her back. She’s gone. I made a promise to her that I’m plannin’ on keepin’, you gonna help me or not?”

That throws you off balance, you expected him to lash out, maybe throwing a rock or two at you, not this. Slowly you nod, “Yes. Yes, I will.” Joel looks and searches for any form of malice or lies and finds none. He simply stretches his arm to you, the rock he previously took from the river’s edge, and holds it out to you like an olive branch. You slide off the rock you were sitting on and take the rock from his hand, crouching down and quietly placing it on top of the cairn. 

You stare at the pile of rocks for a moment, quiet in thought, but then Joel says your name in a whisper that wouldn’t even fog the glass, you raise your eyes to look at him as he asks, “Was she, in your world, did she, um, already um…” And you already know what he’s wondering before he tries and say the words, so you save him the trouble of continuing, giving him a nod you reply solemnly, “Yes.”

“And when we get to Bill and Frank’s? What do you know about that?” He says, and you blink back your tears, flashbacks of that episode occur in your mind, remembering their love for each other and what would happen once we got there. You apologetically smile at him, “Out of respect for the both of them. It’s best to find out when you get there.”

His eyebrows arch inwards in concern, “Are they okay?” And you hesitate, thinking how to appropriately word this without lying, but then you remember, “Yes, they’re content.”

Joel’s eyes look back down at the cairn the decides to get up. You see him hold out his hand for you, and you take it to hoist yourself up. “Let’s go back and see if Ellie’s awake.” He states, then let’s go of your hand, making his way back to the kid. You stand there for a second, glancing at the pile of stones that represent her legacy, then back at Joel, you decide to walk forward toward your future beginning to unfold.

TEN MILES WEST OF BOSTON — DAY

The sound of birds chirping can be heard as you walk behind Joel, finding Ellie awake with her sitting upright with her knees pulled to her chest and your jacket still being used as a makeshift blanket. Joel goes through his pack to get a bark of food and Ellie breaks the silence to question you, “You want your jacket back?”

You nod and grab it from her as she holds it out to you, putting it on, you remove Joel’s brown jacket to place it on top of Ellie. Her face drops, “Seriously?” And you shrug to whisper, “You guys need to talk too.” You begin to pack up and wear your backpack.

Joel takes a bite from his food only to crumple the wrapper to throw it at Ellie as if she was some dog. You look at him in slight annoyance as Ellie rolls her eyes and takes picks it up from the ground to also take a bite of food. He makes himself busy as he adjusts the strap of his worn-out backpack, trying to ignore the kid, but Ellie is persistent, “I’ve never been in the woods.” She chews before continuing, “More bugs than I thought.” Joel doesn’t respond, disregarding her statement, and fidgets with the buckles and straps. Ellie huffs, her shoulders tense and her voice louder as says, “Look, I’ve been thinking about…”

Joel shoots straight up to swing his backpack over his shoulder, “I don’t want your sorries.” Your eyes swing over to Ellie as she retorts, “I wasn’t gonna say I’m sorry. I was gonna say I’ve been thinking about what happened. Nobody made you or Tess take me. Nobody made you go along with this plan.” Joel stands there as he listens to her go on, “You needed a truck battery or whatever and you made a choice.” Then her voice lowers an octave and slightly quivers, “So don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault.”

Joel has his jaw clenched and you could see the vein in his neck preparing to burst, but all he does is give a silent nod at Ellie, then she looks away. Joel picks up his rifle and Ellie stands up to walk to him, backpack, and food, in one hand and Joel’s jacket in the other. She stretches out her arm for Joel to take it from her, a truce, as he gently grabs it and folds it. A small smile stretches across your face and you relax.

“How much longer?” Ellie asks him, and he responds calmly, “Five-hour hike.” The kid nods and states, “We can manage that.” 

You take note of the trees arching and twisting from above you, the leaves creating patterns with their shadows, and not a single blade of grass out of place. It’s surprisingly quiet and almost peaceful as you follow Joel and Ellie across the wooden bridge, letting your mind wander, and quietly hum tunes that remind you of home. And when you no longer wanted to hum, you reflected on what happened on September 26, 2003. When it all fell apart on Joel’s birthday. The day seemed so normal, with clear blue skies and a celebration of life between a father and a daughter. You should have known, but now you learn, blue skies were a sight you never trusted again. 

“You’ve gone this way a lot? No infected?” Ellie asks, seemingly exhausted from not talking for so long. “Not often, no,” Joel replies, steadily looking for any form of danger, “What are you looking for?” And you respond for him, “People.” Ellie hums in acknowledgment, “Are Bill and Frank nice?” Joel replies lightly, “Frank is.” Glad you’re behind the two, and maybe it’s the past that’s talking, but flashes of their love come back to you in a blur. 

Ellie continues asking Joel the question, “Where’d you get that scar on your head?” You frown at that and remember exactly how he got it, he sighs at her. “What? Is it something lame? Like you fell down the stairs or something?” Ellie teasingly said, and his whiskey-deep voice gravelly replied, “I didn’t fall down any stairs.” 

“I fell down the stairs a lot in high school. Every year for four years.” You mumble your input without any thought and Ellie looks over at you with concern, “How the fuck are you still alive.” And you frown slightly, “To be honest, I have no fucking clue either.” The kid turns back to Joel, “Okay, so what then?” Ellie asks and Joel vaguely replies, “Someone shot at me and missed.”

“See, that’s cool. Did you shoot back?” The young girl states and looks at Joel with so much wonder and amazement, Joel glances at her and then responds, “Yeah.” Ellie continues, “You get him?” He’s practically done with her asking so many questions but replies anyway, “No, I missed too. It happens more often than you think.” 

“Because you suck at shooting or, like, in general?” You then bite back a laugh at Ellie’s comment, however, your eyes crinkle as you do. Vexed, Joel turns to look at Ellie, then away from her, “In general.” You snort at his response and this time he looks over his shoulder to look at you and you stare right back at him. 

Ellie glances at Joel’s revolver gun in its holder and looks back up at Joel, “You know, seeing as it’s just the three of us, and she has a gun already, I was thinking I should pro–” Joel doesn’t hesitate with his response, “No.” Ellie only rolls her eyes at his response and keeps quiet for a bit.

The three of you step over a fallen electric pole and turn a corner, “Cumberland Farms.” Ellie reads out the sign as you pass by it, Joel hurries his pace a bit before saying to you both, “Hang back a minute. I gotta grab some stuff I stashed.” 

“Stashed? Why do you have stuff stashed here?” Ellie asks still following Joel, irritated he says, “You ask a lot of goddamn questions.” She smirks, “Yes, I do.” Joel opens the door to the store, the sound of metal scraping against the floor as he does. “So, you gonna answer me or what?” Joel sighs and gives in, “We hide supplies on routes in case we find ourselves short on gear which I currently am because…”

“No way!” Ellie exclaims happily, and hurriedly makes her way to a Mortal Kombat machine, “You ever play this one?” You watch her mash buttons and mess with the joystick, while Joel lingers around, “I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There’s this one character named Mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones.” She sighs, “Oh man.” You look to Joel, entertained by him looking through a bunch of junk, Ellie turns to notice what you're looking at, “You forgot where you put your stuff.”

Joel shakes his head and denies, “No. I’m just zeroing in on it. It’s been a couple of years.” You lightly laugh, your shoulders slightly bouncing up and down as you do, “So, what? You’re using echolocation to look for it?” Joel only glances at you and sighs. Ellie smiles and says, “Okay, well, I’m gonna take a look around. See if there’s anything good.” Joel kicks something and replies, “Trust me, it’s all been picked over already.” Ellie hums thoughtfully, “Maybe, maybe not.” She makes her way to an open door and asks, “Is there anything bad in here?”

“Just you.” He retorts, and Ellie sighs, “Ah, getting funnier.” 

Joel shoves something and it doesn’t budge, “Fuck.” You laugh again at his struggle, and he looks at you unimpressed, “Do you, by any chance know where it is?” You smirk, “Yep.” He raises his eyebrows at you, “Do you wanna, maybe, I dunno, help me?” You twist your mouth to the side, cross your arms across your chest, and look up, mockingly thinking, “Eventually.”

Joel sighs at you, one hand on his hip as he does, then he says your name in a low-pitched voice, and you smile innocently at him from across the store. “And why won’t you tell me where it is?” You shrug and playfully say, “I like seeing you struggle.”

Electricity fills the air and you feel the warmth on your face, his brown eyes have now turned a shade darker than usual, and you watch him breathe a little deeper. Your tongue darts out a little bit to wet your lower lip and feel your heart race wildly. He stands there confidently, you notice his salt and pepper hair, his beautiful tan skin, and how the lines under his eyes and forehead remind you of maps you wish to trace your fingers on as they stretch, and there are too many miles to count. 

Wide-eyed in realization, you open your mouth, finding words to explain or excuse yourself but found none. Closing your gaping mouth, you quickly turn around to walk out of the store. Joel says your name, low and thick, you can feel the vibrations through your bones, it stops you in your tracks with your back facing him, “Where do you think your goin’? Turn around.”

You close your eyes for a second and try to quiet your beating heart, you follow his command, like a puppet on a string. “Where is it?” He asks as you feel his stare roam all over your body even from the large gap between you two, and you blink owlishly at him and out of breath, “Um, it’s at, um…” You clear your throat and try again, “It’s at the end of the aisle, underneath the newspapers.” 

“Come over here and help me lift this shit.” And your feet move forward to the man who is now crouched down and waiting for you. You kneel next to him, and as you tilt your head to look at him, you are now inches apart and unknowingly even closer at heart. You shyly look down on the piece of wood hiding his stash, “You should um, probably open it.”

He says nothing in response and you watch as he pulls his knife out and slices through the wood to create a small gap to lift it off the ground. You help him move it to the side, fingertips brushing against each other, feather-light touches that ignite a fire within you. In the corner of your eye, you see him begin to dig through the supplies he had left behind. It then occurs to you that you haven’t heard from Ellie in a while, you look to Joel with a concerned look, “We haven’t heard Ellie in a while,” you whisper.

He nods and proceeds to call for her, “Ellie?” He receives no response and the worry expands in your belly. Joel gets up and so do you, this time you try to call for her, “Ellie.” Getting nothing as well. Joel pulls out his revolver and turns to you, “Wait here.” You nod and follow his request, he approaches the door, “Ellie?” and she walks out fine and unscathed, “Picked over, my ass.” She says holding up a box of tampons. 

You let out a sigh of relief, even though you knew she would be fine, but the nagging voice in the back of your mind reminds you that things could change for the better or worse in any situation. Your being in this universe has an effect now, especially the fact you’re running around with the two main characters of this story. Whatever you say or choose not to say will have repercussions if you’re not careful. That’s something you learned the hard way.

Joel puts his gun away as Ellie shoves her find into her pack. He kneels down to put away the green toolbox and rifle under his stash, Ellie watches and asks, “What are you doing?” He responds, “There’s not much ammo out there for this thing. Makes it mostly useless.” You help him put the board back on and to no one’s surprise she tries to take advantage of the opportunity, “Well, if you’re just gonna leave it there…” Joel stands and you follow suit, he looks at Ellie sternly, “No.”

He turns to walk out of the store and Ellie follows after him, defeated. You watch the two go-ahead before glancing at the open door, knowing exactly what Ellie had found down there. Swallowing down your fear, you force yourself to keep going.

You continue to walk along the road, the clouds march on and the trees bow down to give their leaves, to offer you some shade along your journey. Walking by you see the wreckage of an airplane atop a hill, broken parts, and pieces scattered along the field. Ellie breathes out, “Holy shit.” The three of you stop walking to gaze at it fondly, “You fly in one of those?” The kid asks you and Joel, and he replies, “Few times, sure.”

Ellie is looking up at you, searching for your answer, and you give her a nod, “Yeah, a couple of times.” She brings her focus back to the wreckage and sighs, “So lucky.” Joel disagrees, “Didn’t feel like it at the time. Get shoved into a middle seat, pay 12 bucks for a sandwich.”

“Dude, you got to go up in the sky,” Ellie says, and you frown, simple things that got taken for granted, you knew all too well. “Yeah, well, so did they,” Joel says with dejection in his voice, then decides to keep moving. Something all he’s ever known. Ellie mutters, “Grim.”

“So everything came crashing down in one day?” Ellie questions and Joel nods, “Pretty much.” Ellie doesn’t settle for that and chooses to follow up with a, “How? I mean, no one was infected with cordyceps. Everybody’s fine eating in restaurants and flying in planes. And then, all at once? How did it even start? If you have to get bit to get infected, then who bit the first person?” She pauses, “Was it a monkey? I bet it was a monkey.”

You huff in amusement, “If it were a monkey, this wouldn’t have happened.” Joel looks at you then turns back to Ellie and replies, “It wasn’t a monkey. I thought you went to school?” Ellie frowns, “FEDRA school. They don’t teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic.”

You flinch at her statement and think for a nanosecond, fuck. You hear your memories echo back to you. You snort and throw a careless joke, “Everyone would blame our shitty government and all the scientists. How ignorant must you be for it to happen twice?” Adam replies, “Well, all disaster movies start with a scientist being ignored.”

You painfully exhale and look to Ellie, parroting back the words you heard not long ago, “All disasters start with a scientist being ignored.” Joel and Ellie listen to you intently as you remember what had happened, and you continue on, “A scientist named Dr. Neuman sometime in the 1960s had feared this would happen. People laughed and brushed it off.” 

You close your eyes and try and untangle the strings of memories and information about their world, “Your outbreak started in Jakarta, Indonesia on September 24, 2003. A flour and grain factory,  on the west side of the city. The perfect substrate. A normal woman suddenly turned violent, attacked four of her coworkers, and bit three of them. They locked her in the bathroom and when the police arrived, she tried to attack them, and they shot her. The people she bit were taken for observation. You could imagine what happened a few hours later.”

You open your eyes to realize you had stopped walking and see Joel and Ellie analyzing the new information, you press on, “No one knows who bit her first, but there were fourteen coworkers missing. Possibly already spreading the virus. The cordyceps mutated because the world got warmer, and some of it go into the food supply. Flour was the case, and there were certain brands of food that were sold everywhere all across the country, and across the world. Bread, cereal… pancake mix.” You paused, unable to go on, so Joel picked it up from there and continued walking as he spoke, “If you eat enough of it, it’ll get you infected. So the tainted food all hits the store shelves around the same time Thursday. People bought it ate some Thursday night or Friday morning. Day goes on, they started to get sick. Afternoon, evening… they got worse. Then they started biting. Friday night, September 26, 2003. And by Monday, everything was gone.”

Ellie is quiet for a bit then nods, “It makes more sense than monkeys. Thanks.” Joel lifts a shoulder, “Sure,” while you only nod with the silence that you continue to carry. Joel raises his arm to stop you and Ellie, “What?” She asks him. He exhales, “We’ll cut across the woods here.” Ellie looks at him skeptically, “Isn’t the road easier?”

“Yeah, it’s just… There’s some stuff up there you shouldn’t see.” Joel says, the tone in his voice very fatherly. You look to Ellie expectantly, as she cheekily smiles at him and walks ahead, “Well, now I have to see.”

“I don’t want you to.” Joel comments disapprovingly, but Ellie marches on, and he grunts, “Serious. Ellie.” You follow after the two, and the young girl asks, “Can it hurt me?” Joel replies straightforwardly, “No.” She turns and walks backward as she talks to him, “You’re too honest man. Should’ve said ax murderer.” Ellie carries on walking normally, while you and Joel look at each other consciously, with full awareness. 

You decide to take a risky leap, gently take his hand, and squeeze it reassuringly. His weary eyes are drawn to your linked hands, fingers interlaced like a beautiful zipper of prayer. Hands are the maps and compasses we use to navigate our lives. Some people read palms to predict the future but you read hands to predict the past. Every scar has a tale worth sharing. Each calloused palm and fractured knuckle represents a missed punch or years spent in a factory. Your eyes tell him, ‘It’s okay, let her know.’ And he seems to understand, giving you a short nod. Because, what is a girl if not a buzzing creature discovering what the world will take from her?

“Whatever it is, I think it’s gone,” Ellie yells out to you both, only to stop short moments after to look at the ditch below. Skeletons were jumbled together and littered the dirt. You and Joel reach Ellie, with hands still intertwined, she’s looking up at you both for an explanation. Joel emits a long, deep, audible breath expressing his sadness, “About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers… went through the countryside and evacuated the small towns. Told you you were going to a QZ, and you were… if there was room.” He hesitates, “If there wasn’t…” 

These people were wiped clean away, leaving only a wristwatch or a blanket. The only proof that they ever existed. Ellie feels out of sorts as she mutters, “These people weren’t sick?” Joel replies fixed and controlled, “No, probably not.” The girl nods while blinking away her melancholy and frustration she asks quietly, “Why kill them? Why not just leave them be?” You take a shaky inhale before responding, “Because dead people can’t get infected.” 

Joel squeezes your hand in reassurance, and it grounds you from remembering what had happened that sunny day. How easy it was for the government and military to manipulate everyone into believing everything was under control. People that you trusted and elected for a hopeful cause only for them to betray you in the end. You tip your head up to Joel and he looks at your sparkling eyes, looking up at him searching for some kind of answer. But he gazes at you, with no answers, instead, is filled with promises. Because what is an adult if not a terrified being desperate to protect something you can't save?

AMHERST COUNTY, MASSACHUSETTS, LINCOLN, – NOON

You, Joel, and Ellie approach the electric fence gate surrounding the small town of Lincoln. The site is hauntingly beautiful, a white large house can be seen from a distance, while trees dance in the wind, you can picture this neighborhood having plenty of kids playing out on the street without a care in the world. As you approach the gate, there’s a number keypad attached to the side, he glances at you and Ellie, “Stay there.” He punches in the four-digit code and there is a high pitch ring, indicating that the passcode was correct, and the metal gate unlocks.

Joel opens the gate for Ellie to walk through first, and then you. He closes the gate behind him as he follows you both inside. The environment is suspenseful and suspiciously quiet, Joel places his hand on his revolver while noticing the wilting yellow flowers outside the house. He pushes down on the door handle, surprised that it was left unlocked, he removes his revolver from the holster and cautiously walks inside. Ellie mumbles, “What the fuck?” while Joel yells out, “Bill? Frank?” Your palms begin to sweat and you discreetly wipe them down on your pants, Joel turns to look at you and Ellie, “You stay there. You hear anything… you see anything yell.” 

“What if they’re gone?” Ellie asks and Joel doesn’t respond, only looking at her before turning and opening the door to the kitchen. She sighs and proceeds to look around the house. A grand piano sits in the living room, and Ellie curiously presses on a bunch of keys to listen to the notes play. And then you spot it, head tilting, you carefully take the envelope and key that sat on top of the wooden table, and feel the sense of sorrow you knew followed you around like a shadow. 

You look to Ellie who was staring at you expectantly and then hand her the letter. You didn’t need to read what you already knew. Your footsteps are heavy as you pull out a seat from the dining room table, and fold your arms atop the desk before bending your head down. Your muscles were aching and exhausted, while the pounding in your head decided to return for another round. Ellie pulls out the chair next to you and opens the letter, quietly reading it.

You hear Joel from down the hall, trying to knock and unlock the door of Bill and Frank’s room, but hear the front door shut from the wind. This causes him to jump and call out for you and Ellie. None of you decide to reply. He stalks down the hall and turns right to the dining room, to find you quiet and resting your head against the dining table with Ellie reading the letter.

“It’s from Bill.” The girl says, and Joel decides to holster his revolver again. She reads aloud,  “‘To whomever, but probably Joel’. I figured I fell into ‘whomever.’” And then shrugs, “It came with this,” she pushes a key across the dusty table adjacent to her and he removes his backpack before tossing it to the floor. He grabs the key to inspect it and then states, “So they’re dead?” Ellie nods, “Mhm. You wanna…” Joel shakes his head no, “Go ahead. You do it.” 

Ellie clears her throat before reading out loud the words you cried over for a good week, “August 29, 2023. If you find this, please do not come into the bedroom. We left a window open so the house wouldn’t smell but it will probably be a sight. I’m guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would’ve been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps. Hehehehehehehehe.” She pauses in confusion but goes on, “Take anything you need. The bunker code is the same as the gate code but in reverse. Anyway, I never liked you but still, it’s like we’re friends, almost. And I respect you.”

You can already feel the flip in your stomach before you’ve even heard the part that would hit him the most, “So I’m gonna tell you something because you’re probably the only person who will understand. I used to hate the world, and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong because there was one person worth saving.” 

And it all comes rushing back to you, the love story of Bill and Frank, a chance meeting that would have only happened during the end of the times. You quietly tried your best to sit up straight, but your posture is still drooping and sagging. Placing your elbows on the table, and folding your hands, interlocking your fingers, you closed your eyes and let your head rest against your hands. And when your eyes closed, your guards came down, tears freely flowed down your cheeks, mentally deadened, tired, and nauseous as you listened, “That’s what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do and God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep…” Ellie stops abruptly, not wanting to continue. 

Ellie purses her lips together in a line while Joel snatches the letter to read what she could not. To keep Tess safe. He swallows down his guilt and anger, “Stay here.” You open your puffy, bloodshot eyes as you hear him storm out of the house leaving the door open behind him. Feeling out of focus and indisposed, like a single loose thread that comes all undone. You curl one leg up to your chest and let your chin rest on top of it, and you can feel the snot dripping down your nose as you do. Bring the sleeve of your jacket, to wipe it off from your face, then use the palms of your hands to wipe the tears away. 

But it proves useless as the tears continue to flow, Ellie silently moves to stand next to you and then gives an unexpected, but not unwelcomed, hug. You continue to cry harder, choking on every breath you take as you do, as you wrap your arms around Ellie’s waist and silently stroke your hair. Joel comes back to the house finding the sight of you broken and sobbing uncontrollably. Ellie only looks at him with saddened eyes, and a silent plea to help you.

You’re uncomfortably shattering into pieces,  stitch by stitch it tears you apart, and a stained-glass variation of the truth leaves your brokenness on display. Joel walks behind you, unsure what to do or say, but he can feel the magnetic pull of wanting and needing to help you, quietly he asks you, “What do you need?”

He wouldn’t have heard it if it wasn’t incredibly silent if your voice hadn’t echoed off the walls, your voice hiccuping, so small and soft as you admit, “I don’t know…” But Joel does. Without question, Ellie gently lets go of you, to be replaced by Joel’s large arms wrapped around your shaking frame.

The seasons will eventually change, and you may choose to go into them shattered and busted, with stiff souls, wounded hearts, and raggedy spirits. But the tiny part of you will continue on because hope endures the agony of sadness; it does not require your protection or defense. For now, you will allow yourself to cry, sigh, and wish for things to be different in the comfort of the two people you’ve grown close with. Later, you will discover raw, wrung-out calm when you allow yourself to be human.

After a reprieve, you willed yourself to stop crying. You take a shaky inhale and be the first one to pull away from Joel. Sweaty, puffy, and slightly dehydrated, from the amount of crying you’ve managed to do in a small amount of time. You feel drowsy, exhausted, overwhelmed, and embarrassed. Rubbing your face with both hands, you heavily exhale and try to regroup yourself as you do.

Joel gently holds your wrist to reveal your face, he’s kneeling down in front of you, “You good?” Your eyes shift uncontrollably across his face, not able to focus on him properly but you nod anyway, you have to keep going, “Mhm, yes. I’m good now,” you said. He gives you a short nod and slowly pushes himself up to face Ellie who was quietly sitting down again, “Show me your arm.”

Ellie stands up and lifts her sleeve to reveal the bite on her arm already healing. Joel nods and says, “I just finished making a truck battery. It’s charging right now.” Ellie nods back, “Okay.” He continues on, “I have a brother out in Wyoming. He’s in some kind of trouble and I’m headin’ out there to find ‘em. He used to be a Firefly.” Ellie continues to silently nod, indicating that she was listening to him as he spoke, “And my guess is he knows where some of them are out there. Maybe they can get you to wherever this lab is.” 

Ellie blinks, “All right. Listen about Tess…” But Joel shuts that down pretty quickly, he lifts his hand to stop her, “If I’m taking you with me, there’s some rules you gotta follow. Rule one, you don’t bring up Tess. Ever. Matter of fact, we can keep our histories to ourselves. Rule two, you don’t tell anyone about your… condition. They see that bite mark, they won’t think it through. They’ll just shoot you. Rule three, you do what I say when I say it.” 

Joel looks at you pointedly, “Rule three applies to you too Hummin’ bird.” Your face scrunches up in annoyance and exclaim, “But I’m a grown adult!” Joel only lifts his eyebrows, “Do you know exactly what happens now from here on out? You ever lived in an apocalyptic world?” You move your eyes away from him and mumble defeatedly, “No, and just a few hunches and theories, I guess.” He harrumphs and looks at you and Ellie, “Are we clear?” He says. You both respond, “Yes.”Joel’s eyes narrow and says without smiling, “Repeat it.”

“What you say goes,” Ellie says and he looks to you for the same statement, “What you say goes, Cowboy.” He lets out a huff and shifts his weight to his other foot, “Okay,” he mumbles. The kid questions aloud, “So what now?” And Joel decides it’s time to start preparing, “We grab what we can.”

Loud footsteps are heard as the three of you descend the metal stairs, Joel flicks on a switch and the lights flicker open. The sound of the 80s playlist playing can be heard filling the room. Joel goes to pause it while Ellie takes a good walk around the bunker, and looks at the wall of guns, “Holy shit. This guy was a genius.” You laugh lightly at her comment, walk over to Joel’s side to look at the playlist and security cameras, saying “Well, under normal circumstances, this would be seen as paranoid.”

Ellie snorts in amusement and acknowledgment, she turns to Joel and asks, “Why was the music on?” Joel places his hands on the table and replies contemplatively, “If he doesn’t reset the countdown every few weeks, this playlist would run over the radio.” Ellie makes her way to the side of the monitor, she peeks at it and states, “‘80s.” He glances from behind him, not wanting to dwell on it any longer, and tells the kid, “Grab some cans from over there. Nothin’ dented or swollen.” She lingers a bit by the wall of guns on display and points at it saying, “Dude.” Only to be replied with Joel’s firm, “No.” Ellie exasperated, “There’s a wall of them.” He gives her one hard look and Ellie pinches her lips into a thin line, walking away to start grabbing the canned food.

Joel’s gaze turns to you, while you tilt your head to the side to look up at him, and you feel a question forming on the tip of your tongue, the way you hold your breath as you wonder if it’s even worth bringing up, you and him inches away from touching, lingering and wanting you to say something. Instead, you pull away from his malt-musing mountain gaze, away from the comfort of his warmth and inviting pull. Afraid of what this could mean, or the possibility you might wake up and find yourself alone again. To only find his ghost wandering in your kitchen, haunting you if this all turns out to be nothing.

“I’m gonna go, um, help Ellie.” You say pointing behind you with your thumb, and then stumble your way around the bunker to look for the young girl. He watches you leave his side, and if he could have one wish it would be to have more time. He’d like to stop the clock and make time stand still because this is just how he always wants to feel. To hear the way she stumbles when she answers, and just for a little bit, secretly, he forgets about his cynicism because he can't wait to see what happens next.

You three end up going through everything in Bill and Frank’s home. On the upper floor, you and Ellie look around the bedroom as Joel opens the door to a closet, pulls on the pull cord switch of the light, and grabs a box of women’s clothes in Ellie’s size and yours. You and her open the box and happily dig through the pile of clothes that had been left behind. Eventually, you settle on a basic white tee, a pair of cargo pants, new white socks, and a lovely maroon leather jacket.

All three of you decide to check on the battery, Joel turns the knob of the charger and grunts, “Needs another hour.” Ellie checks the faucet by the sink and turns it to the right and happy squeals, “They have hot water! I’m taking a shower.” She then looks to Joel who was busy sorting through the clutter, “And then you’re both showering. Because seriously…” And before walking away she makes a sound to signal you both that you reeked of sweat and more stench imaginable. She walks away to go back inside the house and leaves you both alone together. 

Not knowing what to do or say, you give yourself a hug, arms folding in front of your middle, eyes darting to everything but him. Joel watches the way you shift around the bunker. He does not know what you are thinking, how you prefer your tea, if you take sugar in your coffee, or whether you like walking in the rain. He takes notice of the way you keep going just like he does, when you laugh it sounds like a melody he’s all too familiar with but there’s a different hidden note between each breath you take. 

You are impossible. Impossible is admitting you came from a different universe, it’s also attempting to connect in this world, trying to hang on to others while everything around you is exploding. And yet you’re standing there in front of him, real and full of light. He does not want to believe it, he worries in his mind that he will destroy each and every part of you, engrossing darkness and bitterness he has accumulated for the past twenty years. Beginning on the day the world fell apart, when it took Sarah away from him. And the weight of the world was placed on his shoulders.

You begin to hum to yourself as you take a walk around the bunker and appreciate the lengths Bill went through to keep him and Frank safe. Joel finally gives in to the tug of war in his mind and asks, “What song were you hummin’ on the hike here, Birdie? I didn’t recognize the melody this time.” His question pulls your attention away from the wall of guns and you incline your head toward him, “Oh? Uh, just a song from my world, I guess…” He looks at you expectantly and you take it as a cue to continue, “It’s a song by Adele.” You said as you scrunched your nose a bit.  A look of puzzlement crossed his face, “Who’s Adele?” he says. You slowly blink at him, “Damn, your world ended too soon and robbed you of Adele.”

The conversation continues on, it goes from books to favorite drinks, and bit by bit you’re beginning to piece together the man in front of you. It astounds you, how he kept going even when the world took away the people he loved. And later you hear Ellie yelling from the house, telling you both she’s done, you look to Joel and he tells you to use the shower first. You smile at him and give him a small thanks as you head up the stairs. The small talk you both had left him floating and hates that his mind continues to think about worse-case scenarios and look for emergency exits just in case. But is it courage or faith that he shows up every day? And maybe one day he won’t be afraid.

After the nice steaming hot shower, and changing into your new-ish clothes, you yell Joel’s name to tell him it’s his turn. He proceeds to go into the bathroom and you go downstairs to see Ellie messing with the piano keys, you gently tap her shoulder and she looks up at you with adorable eyes full of wonder, “Scoot over.” The kid moves and you sit down on the piano bench next to her, you mumble, “I’m surprised it’s still tuned after all these years.” Ellie’s ears perk up, “You know how to play?” and you tilt your head to the left, “Just enough to impress friends now and then.” She smiles, “Can you show me? Please?”

Your mouth pinches in thought, wondering which song you could play, “Hrm, I guess I could. But you might not recognize this piece of music since it was never released here.” She nods excitedly, “It’s no big deal. I need to hear you sing since you keep humming all the time.” You roll your eyes at that, “Okay, okay.”

You ready yourself, comfortably slouched, and your head down. Your fingers glide over the keys and you begin to sway as you play the starting notes of Adele’s ‘Make You Feel My Love’. “When the rain is blowing in your face. And the whole world is on your case. I could offer you a warm embrace. To make you feel my love,” You sang softly as your fingers continued to dance over the ivory keys, your spirit became virtually an allure with each small sway of your head and body. Joel silently walks down the stairs, enchanted and allured by your melodious voice. He leans on the frame of the foyer, slicked back salt and pepper hair, and currently has the softest eyes for you.

“The storms are raging on the rollin' sea. And on the highway of regret. The winds of change are blowing wild and free… You ain't seen nothing like me yet.” You sang and the buildup as it developed into a slow roll that shattered into the souls of everyone who listened like a tremendous tsunami. Joel and Ellie were entranced by the enticing music emanating from your voice, resulting in a tranquil silence. The lyrics soared and swelled from the depths of your spirit as if everyone in that room could sense your hope and affection. Your love became their love, and the audience and singer became one.

“I could make you happy, make your dreams come true… Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you feel my love. To make you feel my love.” You vocalized and slowly stopped playing on the ivory keys, letting out a sigh of relief you turn to Ellie who is in awe of your talent and skill. “Damn, I wish we could bring this with us.” She says and you throw your head back in laughter, your shoulder moving as you catch your breath, “Joel would break his back carrying this thing.” 

“You callin’ me old, sweetheart?” Joel says smugly, you and Ellie swiftly turn to look behind you, to find him relaxed, happy, and all cleaned up. You can feel your body begin to burn in embarrassment and attraction to the pet name he called you. Including the fact, he’s pulling off the wet look pretty damn fucking well. Ellie saves you from having to explain yourself and comments on his appearance, “Well, don’t you look pretty.” 

That brings him back to reality and begins to become grumpy old Joel once more, “Shut up.” He mutters and then tosses her a stick of deodorant which she catches. The kid looks at it and comments, “Nice,” then proceeds to get up from the bench with you following after the both of them.

You make your way to the blue Chevy S-10, Ellie goes to the front passenger seat but Joel clicks his tongue, “Go sit in the back, Ellie.” She groans and as she was about to walk to the back of the Chevy you shake your head, “It’s okay, you can take it for the meantime, I suspect you haven’t been in a car before.” And Ellie is practically vibrating with joy as she hops inside the car, Joel looks at you from the rearview mirror and you give a thumbs up while Ellie continues to explore parts of the car, “It’s like a spaceship,” she says and you hide a laugh while Joel mumbles, “It’s like a piece of shit Chevy S-10 but it’ll get us there.” And after a moment he adds, “I think.”

Joel begins to put on his seatbelt and he tells Ellie to do the same, but she only gives him a perplexed look, which he then shows her and she clicks it in place while smiling, “So cool.”

He turns the key and the engine rives to life, Ellie opens the glove compartment and finds a cassette tape, he glances at her, “Would you leave it?” Ellie gives him a cheeky grin to slide it into the radio. “Put it back. Ellie.” Joel states in a serious tone. Linda Ronstadt’s ‘Long Long Time’ begins to play, the first ever song you hummed a couple of days ago. You look out the window to the left, Joel and Ellie converse as you tune out the rest of the world, only listening to the music. You hear the buzzing of the gate open and Joel drives into the open road, and the lovely voice of Linda Ronstadt reminds you that love will transcend into every universe, and the thought of that lulls you to gently close your eyes and let yourself fall asleep.

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter

End Notes: (Idk do people read this? Btw this is lengthy since lol almost 10k words o-o)

Yes, Type 9 is The Runner-away-er of Conflict… hecking I had this whole argument planned out at first, all the yelling and fighting between the reader and Joel and nearly going through with that concept, but in the end decided against it. Because to me, it felt too soon. It wouldn’t progress the story forward, it would have just taken twenty steps back lmao. Joel is the type to keep going, to keep moving cuz he has to. So him reminiscing would be out of character and the reader getting mad and confronting him wOULD ALSO BE OUT OF CHARACTER LMAO

Anyways, as you read, I ended up giving them a moment to mourn and talk it out, because I felt like you needed to hear those words too. Do not throw away your life just to make someone happy. That’s destructive. 

I tried my best to write about grief this chapter, and had to rewatch Episode 3 to put myself through the torture again hooray! Towards the end, you can see my writing become somewhat poetic(?) but honest. I didn’t want to extremely exaggerate it but just enough to hopefully make u cry a bit. If you did cry pls tell me, it tells me that I wrote okay enough for you to cry)

But I also wanted it to give you some hope and to remind you that you are a light in many people's lives I promise.

Furthermore, I lowkey procrastinated on this chapter, I was hoping it would be out by Wednesday but the new Hogwarts Legacy game has me in a chokehold so I 1000% got distracted!

OFF TO EPISODE 4 I GOOOO I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING UR COMMENTS MWA ILY &lt;3

-Grace

TAGLIST:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonder11 @syd-vixious @themysticmonstercturtles @kidkrow666 @soulofapatrick @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale  @slurmp69 @gyllord @aerangi @mac5323 @friskynotebook @romans-roys @earth-to-lottie @chaotic-imposter @kodzuvk @hawkins-2000 @reallysparklychaos @trust-dreamcatcher @darkened-writer @memeorydotcom @welcomebackfelicia @rainbowpitofdoom @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @marvelsimpcz @dorck26 @evienorville @munsons-queen @little-miss-bi @mxltifxnd0m

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[luchicm04]

Pride

Masterlist

Summary: When hatred and pride speak louder, even a childhood love can fall apart.

Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Fem!Uchiha, Uchiha Madara/Fem!Uchiha

Word count: 2.6k

Overall warnings: angst, bittersweet ending

All characters belong to Naruto, and all rights are reserved to the original work whose author allowed me to translate it.

A/N: The lyrics come from this song. Whoever cried, raise your hand. Please, leave your opinions and criticism in the comments.

posted on ao3

I was there, standing on top of that mountain where I could see the sunset that covered the village below with golden light. After so many battles, Konoha finally flourished in peace. 

Peace that hadn’t existed in my heart for a long time since I met her: Alexia. 

──

In the heart of the war between Senju and Uchiha, in the small moments when there was a truce, I, Tobirama, youngest son of the general of the Senju clan liked to get away from all that suffering for a while. During the day, I found a way to escape to the river, just to be able to see and hear the current that followed its path without caring about what happened on its banks. It just flowed.  

And it was there, on one of those days, that I saw a little paper boat with a yellow flower inside going down through the crystal-clear water, and then one more and another. Like the curious child that I was, I went up the river in the opposite direction of the boats, until I saw her.  

A little girl with long, black hair messed up by the wind. She was kneeling on the riverbank and placing paper boats with colorful flowers in the water one by one, while her black eyes watched them move away. Until her eyes fell on me, and we stood staring without saying anything on either side of the river. Then, she got up, smiled at me and disappeared into the forest.  

──

Without realizing it, a soft smile curved my lips as I remembered that day. How the silent meeting of two children could change so much. 

──

After that meeting, I went to the river more often, wanting to see her again. But it was weeks before I saw the little boats go down the current once again. I found her in the same place and this time, I walked over and crouched down next to her.  

“Why do you do it?” I asked.  

She looked at me with those dark orbs, smiled and responded as if it were the simplest thing in the world.  

“Because I think it’s beautiful.”  

I saw her pick up another little boat with a red flower and place it in my hand. I quickly put it in the water and saw it go away down the river. I smiled without realizing it.  

“See? It’s so pretty,” she said and looked at me again. “I’m Alexia. And you?”  

“Tobirama,” I replied, hiding my surname, because during the war it wasn’t wise to say it to strangers and apparently, she knew that as she didn’t say hers either.  

We stayed there talking for hours, without ever saying where we came from, until I heard my brother Hashirama calling me from inside the forest. I went home but not before making her promise that we would see each other again, right there.  

The months passed and as the war worsened, our meetings began to become rarer, until she never appeared again.  

──

I felt a lonely tear run down my face. Even though we were just children, the loss of my first love hurt a lot. 

But I moved on with my life, and during the following years, thanks to the war, I didn’t have much time to rummage through the past. Until... 

──

Until, at the peak of my 21 st year, I became the second-best ninja in my clan, second only to my older brother.  

Even though the years passed, and I became a man, I still had the childhood habit of going to the river.  

That day, I bent down to wash my face in the cool water, and I felt my heart speed up when I saw a little paper boat with a pink flower touch my hand.  

I ran as fast as I could, going upstream and I saw her... she was there and looked at me as if she was waiting for me.  

Her black hair, now longer, swayed in the breeze. Her body, that was once small and thin, had become beautiful and curvy. She was a woman now, but her eyes, oh those dark eyes, were still the same ones that haunted my memories.  

I approached, and the only thing I could say was her name.  

“Alexia...”  

Without knowing why, or without caring if I was going to be rejected, I kissed her. That old childhood love turned into an urgent desire to erase all that longing that I had stored deep within my being. Alexia responded to me with passion. She seemed to feel the same thing as me, and she wanted to make up for all the lost time.  

We pulled away from each other with difficulty, but the feeling of being complete surrounded us like a golden aura. We didn’t need to say anything to know that time hadn’t changed the feelings of the two children.  

We talked and kissed for hours on end, until we heard sounds coming from the forest, and before I knew it, she broke away from my embrace, looking me in the eyes and said:  

“Tobirama, I need to tell you something very important.” Her face became serious. “Meet me here tomorrow night. Please don’t miss it.”  

I nodded and let her go.  

I didn’t know that conversation would change my entire life.  

──

The night of our meeting had arrived. I managed to leave without being seen by my brother and went towards the agreed location. My hands were sweating, and my heart was racing with every step I took. I thought what I felt years ago was a child’s thing, but the closer I got, the more I knew I was madly in love with that woman. When I arrived, she was already there waiting for me, her gaze fixed on the waters of the river. She seemed sad and that made me worried.  

“Alexia, are you alright?” I asked and without waiting for an answer, I hugged her.  

Feeling her warm body pressed against mine, the kiss was inevitable. It started out soft, but when she opened the way for our tongues to mee, I could no longer resist. We made love right there, on the riverbank, listening to the water run and taking our secret with it.  

Leaning on my body, I heard her soft cry and little by little, hot tears touched my chest, making me look at her.  

“What happened? Did I hurt you?” I said with concern.  

“That’s not it,” she got up and started to dress up. “This shouldn’t have happened. Not without telling you first.”  

“Telling me what?” I started to worry even more, seeing her crying.  

“I know who you are, Tobirama Senju,” she whispered between tears, emphasizing the word ‘senju’. “And I... I am... Alexia Uchiha.”  

My heart almost stopped when I heard her say her full name. It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t... the girl I loved since I was a child, the girl I loved there, on the riverbank, was from that damn clan that had been at war with my family and friends for years. I looked at that familiar and now strange face for several moments, until she broke the deadly silence that hung on us.  

“I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was afraid,” she took a step towards me. “Say something, Tobirama.”  

“Alexia... Uchiha...” I could only repeat her name, still not believing that joke of fate.  

She got closer to me, and with her trembling hand she tried to touch me, but my body involuntarily took a step back, avoiding the contact.  

“Please, say something,” her voice was already starting to get exasperated with my silence. “Say that this doesn’t change anything. Say that you love me. Say that everything will be alright. Just say... say it and I will wait for you.”  

But I didn’t say it. Even though my heart was screaming like crazy inside my chest, I didn’t say the words that she wanted to hear. I couldn’t.  

I caught a glimpse of her beautiful eyes fading with the tears that came flooding back before she left.  

──

When I found out who that little boy was in the river, I knew I had to stay away for my safety and his. However, the war helped me maintain my decision. I was sent to another village along with other women and children who could not fight. But fate found a way to bring us together again many years later. I wanted to see him, see how he grew up and try to make possible that childish love that I always carried in my chest, despite the situation.  

An Uchiha and a Sunju. It seemed like a joke, but I didn’t care. I wanted to fight for that feeling.  

But...  

But my hope faded that night, after we made love. He ran away from my touch like running away from a venomous snake when he learned the truth. I saw the hurt in his eyes, and anger. I was willing to face everything and everyone for us, I just needed to hear him say it. But the words didn’t come.  

──

After that fateful night, I still hadn’t given up on us. Maybe he just needed some time to put his thoughts in order, maybe there was still hope. But I was wrong.  

Every day that followed, I went to the riverbank and one by one, I placed the little paper boats with flowers in the current and watched them slowly descend into the clear waters, waiting to hear his footsteps on the gravel. The long-awaited steps never came.  

And every time, I cried. But this time, I held back the tears and noticed that someone placed a coat over my shoulders and spoke to me in a soft voice.  

“Alexia, what are you doing here?” he said in a worried smile. “It’s getting cold. Let’s go before you get sick."  

I looked at him as I stood up. His long, black hair was tousled because of the wind, which I didn’t even realize was blowing strongly, and his dark eyes, so similar to mine, stood out from the strong, beautiful face that smiled at me. Madara Uchiha, the new leader of the clan. I had known him for a long time, but only at that moment did I really pay attention to him. I took one last look at the waters of the river and followed him back home.  

──

That image of Alexia waiting for me, words I didn’t say and the sadness in her eyes, the plea in her voice haunted my thoughts.  

Every day I went to the river, and I saw, day after day, the little paper boats going down the river. I knew they were for me, that she was waiting for me just behind that curve. But my pride prevented me from going there and taking her in my arms and never letting her go.  

Another little boat came down and came closer to my feet, and before I could pick it up, it sank and dissolved in the water. I didn’t know why, but that image made me cry. Nevertheless, I still didn’t go after her.  

──

A year has passed since that day, and there have never been any paper boats for me on the river again. 

Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Our song on the radio, but it don’t sound the same

When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down

‘Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It all just sounds like ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

And as the world loves to play tricks, that same year the battle between the Senju and Uchiha clans ended, beginning an alliance that led to the founding of Konoha. If I had said something, if I had waited... 

Mm, too young, too foolish to realize

That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand

Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance

Take you to every party ‘cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby’s dancing, but she’s dancing with another man

But I hadn’t said anything, I hadn’t waited, and I lost her. Now, we live in the same village, our families are no longer enemies and there is no more war. But it’s too late for us. 

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways

Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out of my life

Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, oh

And that haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

I see her almost every day, but her eyes don’t look at me anymore and her smile doesn’t shine for me. Now, another man holds her hand, another man is the owner of her look and the reason for her smile. 

Mm, too young, too foolish to realize

That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand

Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance

Take you to every party ‘cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby’s dancing, but she’s dancing with another man

Although it hurts

I’ll be the first to say that I was wrong

Oh, I knw I’m probably much too late

To try and apologize for my mistakes

But I just want you to know

I could see him day after day gluing together, piece by piece, Alexia’s heart, which I broke. Healing her wings, which I hurt, and giving her the love that, out of pride, I couldn’t give. 

I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds you hand

Give you all his hours when he has the chance

Take you to every party

‘Cause I remember how much you loved t dance

Do all the things I would have done

When I was your man

And today, I’m here, at the top of this mountain. Down there, I can hear the happy laughter and the music that rose up to me. 

It was Alexia’s wedding, my Alexia... I lost her the moment I was too weak to say I loved her. 

My life ended there, on the edge of that river. Those waters witnessed who foolish I was, how my hatred and my pride took from me the woman I loved my entire life. 

The sun had already set on the horizon and the stars were beginning to emerge in the dark blue sky. That was when I noticed someone approaching, a servant, who handed something into my hand that made my heart skip a beat. 

It was a paper boat with a white flower. My eyes clouded with the threat of tears, until I saw that there seemed to be something written on the paper. I unfolded the little boat and read the words that seemed a little shaky. 

‘Tobirama,  

I want you to know that despite what happened between us, I have no regrets. On the contrary, you will always be in my heart, as my first love. It’s a shame that it’s too late for both of us, but I wish from the bottom of my soul that you find someone, and that you don’t let your pride speak louder than your love again. Be happy.  

Alexia.’ 

As I read that, my fists clenched the paper tightly and the little flower fell apart on the floor. And I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I fell on the ground and cried, cried until my eyes had no more tears to cry. 

I cried for the lost love. I cried for the future without Alexia. I cried for the regret of not having said the words she expected to hear. And I cried even more for having my heart in pieces while my pride remained whole. 

[ineffable-doll]

Sick of music that’s always about sex and romance? Me too, man!

Thankfully, there’s TONS of music out there that isn’t. Here are some artists with songs I LOVE LOVE LOVE that aren’t about either of those things to diversify your musical subject matter!

(Every artist is also either BIPOC, queer, or both!)

*Links lead to Spotify, but their music is available on all the other usual platforms, too!

Janani K. Jha ����🏺

Vibe: like devouring an entire fantasy series in a weekend then blinking awake and realizing the rest of the world still exists somehow and you’re no longer sure what to do with your life

Library Card

Machine Learning

Two Roads

Vienna Teng 🌄🎹

Vibe: like life is a series of ups and downs and you’re softly clinging to hope because there really is so much beautiful about the world that makes it worth living

Never Look Away

Homecoming (Walter’s Song)

The Tower

AURORA ✨️🌙

Vibe: like frolicking barefoot in an early autumn wood with nymphs and fairies and harmonizing with the moon

Blood in the Wine

Runaway

Some Type of Skin

Amythyst Kiah 🪕🌇

Vibe: like whispered confessions that became declarations and using a banjo to try and discover who you are

Firewater

Chained to the Rhythm

Play God and Destroy the World

Mon Rovîa 🫂🌿

Vibe: like being told you’re not alone, and everything will be okay, just lay your head here and rest

City on a Hill

crooked the road.

To Watch the World Spin Without You

MALINDA 🏞💞

Vibe: like sitting by a river, following your dreams even though life is so so hard, and learning to love yourself

Love Letter

It's All True

Everything I Need

Enny Owl 🦉⛰️

Vibe: like hearing a forested mountainside sing you a lullaby as you lay in a bed of moss

Lifeboat

House on a Garden

Mother Earth

Please give these artists a try, they’re all incredible and deserve so much love! Share your favorite songs that aren’t about sex or romance in the tags and comments!

[wangxianficrecs]

You still sound like a song by Moominmammashandbag

You still sound like a song

by Moominmammashandbag (@moominmammamia)

M, WIP, 64k, Wangxian

Summary: "Wei Ying, are you well?" Lan WangJi plucks the strings with great concentration, tries to calm his shaking hands. Jiang Wanyin and Jiang Yanli will not care how slowly he is playing. The important thing is not to make a mistake. They all hold their breath. The guqin strings explode into a flurry of movement,a cascade of notes over and over again. Lan Zhan ! Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! Kay's comments: I absolutely love this AU and just like Moominmammashandbag's other stories, this one is incredibly creative as well and just has you hooked like a little fish. In which Wei Wuxian dies when the Wens come for Lotus Pier and that leads to a major divergence. Yunmeng Jiang comes out on top of the battle and now, they've got their own river spirit, not that anyone knows about it. After the war, the Jiang siblings ask Lan Wangji to come and play Inquiry and then so many things happen! Never let them see your next move! If you love creative narratives, then this story is for you! Excerpt: “They threw him in the river, after they cut his hand off.” says Jiang Yanli. Dinner is over. Lan WangJi could not have told you what he ate, which seems a pity. Hopefully he will have other opportunities to eat Jiang Yanli’s cooking, other chances where he is not too distracted to notice what is in his bowl. Now they are seated once again in the family room, where Wei Wuxian’s sword sits in its stand on a low shelf, surrounded by torn pieces of paper, scrawled notes and little drawings. Lan WangJi keep looking at it, eyes wandering despite himself when he should be concentrating on what Jiang Yanli is saying. He wants, and does not want to hear this story, but if he does not listen he will not know the right questions to ask. “He could still have survived. He could swim like a fish, always. Even with only one hand, I think he would have survived. But they weighted his feet.” She looks up at Lan WangJi. “Wang Lingjiao told me this. She delighted in telling us, Father and me, when we got home that day. That woman, that evil woman told us that A-Xian was drowned. Like a dog, she said, and she laughed.”

pov lan wangji, canon divergence, canon era, dead wei wuxian, ghost wei wuxian, river spirit wei wuxian, bamf wei wuxian, angst with a happy ending, yu ziyuan being an asshole, angst and feels, hurt/comfort, grief/comfort, family feels, yunmeng siblings feels

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[sadnightforus]

[2:20 PM] It’s 5:32 pm, or at least, the time that you last checked to be. You both are standing by the riverside, listening to music as you’re sharing an AirPod on each side of the ear. 

 If you’re asking yourself why you find yourself at this exact moment, it’s because you and him are the best of friends. But everybody and their families seem to be completely convinced that you and Hong Seunghan have something going on. 

 They’re not wrong for speculating about it. You are convinced that you both feel something for each other, but however, neither you or him are able to bring up the secret feelings for each other without ruining the good friendship you both shared. Worse, what if he doesn’t like you back and everything he has done for you was just coming from a place of genuine kindness that views you in nothing but in a friend way? 

“This song’s good.” He comments. You nod along because it’s your first time hearing it and the drums already catch your attention. 

 Truthfully, you’d argue that the song is better than just being good, no, it’s a masterpiece. The Melodies evoke a steady emotion, the one that makes you explode with happiness when you’re thinking about him. 

“Is it your first time hearing this song too?” He questions, seeing how quiet you are when you’re trying to observe something. 

“Yes. I like it.” You say, trying to avoid direct eye contact with him because you know that you’ll lose yourself to him if you dare losing yourself into the gigantic world that shines so brightly in his gaze. 

 You observe his beautiful face and you think about how odd it is that if you tell your younger self that you’ll grow up to like your male best friend, you’d laugh at yourself while also coaching on why falling for your best friend is not an ideal situation and would most likely cause heartbreak. But you’ve never been good with following the rules, all that you know is that you like to follow your heart. 

 Then you turn to look at the river, then at the bridge where lines of cars keep driving past the both of you. The soft rhythm of the wind blows discoordinate his hair just a bit and you almost lose your breathe at how magical he looks at this very moment as you both share an AirPod. 

“The static and the noise, 

You got my attention

You make me wanna….

Live like it’s the last moon rising

Scream just like no one’s there

Lose all of my defenses 

Hold you, touch you, love you like it’s 

A very last moment in time.” 

 You’re stunned. 

 What was that?

 You turn to look at him, eyes wide in confusion as his face mirrors yours, but his expression was more panicked and anxious if anything else. 

“Did you pick that song on purpose?” You question, find yourself troubled when confronted with such a situation. 

 Although you wish that it’s not just a pure coincidence that the song includes such lyrics, you still think it’s almost impossible that he’d reciprocate your affection and it’s not just a one sided longing coming from you. 

“Would it be a lie if I said no?” He speaks slowly, his eyes now hold so much hope and love behind it. 

 It clears all of your doubts from earlier, as how serious he needs your love, just as much as you need his. You proceed with the next question, not daring to speak as loud as you once were. 

“Do you mean what you said?” 

“Yes, I do.” He answers more clearly, remaining in eye contact. Which almost makes you more self conscious and you wonder how blind you had been to sweep off his sweet actions as just things that friends do. 

“For how long have you been feeling like that?” 

“It’s been 6 years now, I think.” 

 He likes you for that long?

 It’s unbelievable that he takes an interest in you as a person, romantically for a long time. You only stopped denying your feelings for him just 2 years ago and you spent years denying and self-rejecting from the growing feelings for him for how long, ever since you both became friends 8 years ago. But all those times that you were trying to stop yourself from looking at him in more than just a friendly way, he was pining after you?  

 Your head spins and you feel like you’re suddenly so dizzy. You’re about to cry and you want to ground yourself the high you’ve experienced. 

“You like me too, right? Please tell me that I’m not reading the signs wrong.” He whispers out so quietly, you almost didn’t catch it if not for the closeness you both share. 

“You’re not.” You shake your head in disagreement. He takes a big breath, you can sense he’s anxious as the next word escapes his lips.

“I love you, Y/N.” And you look up as you’re smiling, letting the tears fall from happiness as you copy his words.

“I love you too, Seunghan.”

You let your tears slip as you bury your face into his chest. The music is long forgotten even though it’s still playing in your ear. 

 As the sun begins to set, the music still hums in both of you guys’ ears without both of you wanting to pause it. The beautiful scenery is there to cheer you onto the next step you’re taking with him.

 And in that moment, there is nothing that reflects his eyes or yours brighter than the love and affection that each of you burn yourself with for each other.

COPYRIGHTED BY SADNIGHTFORUS, 2023

A/N: A very last moment in time by lindsay lohan inspired this. and omg it’s 954, I’m losing it fr

reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated!

[minigirl87]

Moon River & Me. Llewyn Davis x F’Reader.

Summary:-

This is just a little fluffy story to celebrate my birthday. The song Moon River is special to me as it was playing on the hospital radio as I was born. It was also my mums favourite song as she saw the movie when she was young and I remember her telling me when she was a teen in hospital, the doctor sang the song for her fixing her calliper brace. And spookily, I always hear this song around my birthday.

Lewlyn turns up at your apartment at 2am. after disappearing for a month. You help take care of him. But next morning you think he's gone and get a wonderful surprise.

So this is my first Lewlyn Davis story. I enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoy it. Please feel free to share and comment.

Words:-993.

2am and the doorbell to your appointment rings echo its chime through the quiet chilly rooms as you rise from your warm cosy bed. Your ginger and white cat Rami is looking up grumpily as he’s disturbed from his sleep before stretching and plopping on his side, sleeping again.

 Wrapping your thick purple and blue house coat around you and putting your slippers on, yawning as you pad into the hall, putting the light on. You knew who was at the door without even thinking. Opening the door to a rather tired and dishevelled man wrapped in almost inappropriate clothes for a freezing cold January morning.

 Looking at him, the dark circles under his eyes, the greasy bobbing ebony curls, and the strong smell of cigarettes around him. Moving out of the way to let him inside. “Come in Lew, it’s 2 am, you know” you said sleepily, trying to mask some annoyance. He looked away as he sheepishly responded “I know, sorry, but I didn’t know where else to go”

Sighing “it’s fine. I’d rather you be safe here than on the streets. You must me freezing?” Lewlyn simply shrugs “a little” shaking your head“Let’s get some heat into you” walking towards her kitchen, turning  the thermostat up and lightning the gas to boil the kettle “where have you been since you disappeared a month ago? I’ve been worried about you”

 “Here and there, no where particular’ the answers vaguely. “But I’m here now” his cheeks form the slightest rose blush to them. “yeah till you disappear again to god knows where” your tone coming of harsher in your tired state.

 His stomach grumbles loudly and with a look of embarrassment as he mumbles an apology. “I assume your hunger?” the kettle whistling in the background concocting a strange symphony with Lewlyn’s stomach.

 “I’ll get you something to get eat if you go for a bath” walking past him to the bathroom, setting the shower up and getting him towels. “I’ll the change of clothes on the bed for you, okay” Lewlyn simply nods in response and as she closes the bathroom door you almost thought you heard him say “I love you” shaking your head thinking you’re hearing things to go to start cooking something light for him.

 15 minutes later, a refreshed and relaxed man’s walks into the kitchen clean and changes. Smiling at him as he sits down “Here you go, it’s not much but should fill you till the morning” putting a plate of scrambled eggs on toast and a mug of tea in front of him. Lewlyn receives the plate and cup graciously and digs in with a contented sigh. “We really need to have a serious talk tomorrow Lew” swallowing his tea before answering with a smirk “I agree” shaking your head with a laugh “I’m going back to bed now, you okay to find your way there when you finish. Nodding his head as you stand up. You just reach your bedroom door when you hear the plate and mug in the sink and Lew’s footsteps behind you.

Next morning, you wake up in bed alone, and your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach. Getting up with a sigh, slipping into your slippers and robe, you open the your bedroom door to the soft strums of a guitar and humming only broken with Lewlyn’s voice speaking to Rami who meowed back at his questions. You knew the tune so well. With tears in your eyes, you rush to the lounge to find Lewlyn sitting crossed, legged, wearing the white t-shirt and blue boxers as the evening before, in the armchair his guitar resting his thighs.

 As you take the scene in that’s in front of you as you lean on the door frame. “you remembered the song” smiling as a tear trickled down your cheek. At the sound of your tears, your cat runs towards you, leaning into you, comforting you. “Yeah, I do” he gets up from the chair, walking towards you, enveloping you in his arms, kissing the top of your head, his scent filling your senses. then proceeding to walk you towards the chair.

As you sit in the chair, Lewlyn sits on the arm leaning down and picking his guitar up and starts to sing

“Moon river, wider than a mile

I’m crossing you in style someday

Oh, dream maker, you heartbreaker

Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way”

 His voice sounded like honey, soothing and smooth. He hummed for a little as he strummed away at the cords you sat transfixed at this wonderfully talented man in front of you. You adored this song. It meant a lot to you. After seeing the movie the previous month with Lewlyn for Christmas.

 Your trance broke as the timbre of his voice filled your ears still as sweet, but you hear something more the way he sounds. Something longing and wanting.

“Two drifters, off to see the world

There’s such a lot of world to see

We’re after the same rainbow’s end

Waitin’ ‘round the bend

My huckleberry friend

Moon river and me”

 As he finished singing, his cheeks were rosie, and his ebony curls bounced as he smiled at you. He puts his guitar down and takes your hand, and holds it. “I can’t keep this to me myself anymore, Y/N I love you. I need to be with you if you’ll have me?”

Squeezing his hand back “I love you too, I’ve wanted you for so long. But I didn’t.....” He leans in gently kissing you.

“I know” smiling. You kiss him back with a little more passion tasting him, the taste of coffee and cigarettes. He breaks away resting his forehead and nose against you. “Happy Birthday sweetheart, I love you.”

Kissing him back “I love you too. This is a birthday I’ll never forget.”

@melodygatesauthor @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @my-secret-shame @missdictatorme @jake-g-lockley @steven-grants-world @romanarose @campingwiththecharmings @writingforcurrentobsessions2 @guruan-is-not-here @ivystoryweaver @whatthefishh @missscarlettangel @missdictatorme @lonelyisamyw-0love @madlittlecriminal @saturn-rings-writes @madlittlecriminal @gigachadcowboy @mess-of-fandom @hon3yboy @ominoose @jayke0 @theaussiedragon @reallyrallyauthor @romana-after-dark @purelyoscar

Thank you, too @cafekitsune for the deviders and borders

[temptaetions]

boys like you 🌷 h.hj (m)

a/n: the photo above is from hyunjin’s marie claire shoot. i do not own the photo. that being said, this fic was originally posted by me on a different, now defunct blog, i own this fic. it was formerly titled “corre, amor.” i have since deleted it from that blog and am reposting a revised version on this blog. again, i wrote this fic and it is 100% my own. i also feel super self conscious about it. be nice plz.

synopsis: hwang hyunjin is like a burning fire - dangerous, passionate, and at times, hard to dissipate. you were frozen from within, your exterior only soft to his touch. when you are his polar opposite, it should be easy to melt at his fingertips, shouldn’t it?

genre: established relationship au | breakup au | x fem!reader | smut | angst | fluff

pairing(s): dancer!hwang hyunjin x poet!fem!reader | lee minho x han jisung

word count: 8.5k. lowercase intended.

rating: 18+. minors do not fucking interact.

warnings: swearing, one-sided pining, minimal romantic fluff, some angst, minimal smut [between h.hj x reader: some degradation, heavy petting, heavy make-out session, handjob/semi-oral, nipple play, cum eating / swapping.] hyunjin has body piercings (nipples and belly button.)

what to listen to: advice - taemin | do it for love - thama, george | play with fire - sam tinnesz, yacht money | know me - dpr live, dean | different - woodz

everyone was convinced that your relationship with hyunjin was one-sided. from the outside looking in, you could understand why. oftentimes, it was him scouring the university in search of you, and yes, he had a photo of you in his phone case and his car dashboard. the boy you’d come to adore was nearly six feet of pure love for you — he even dedicated his showcase stages to you, choosing only the most sensual of love songs to show the student body that he was a burning fire.

and yet, as much as you loved hwang hyunjin, you remained solid. unmelted was your icy form, and as the time went on, people had begun to notice. slipping away from crowds after his showcases and losing hyunjin in them became a regular thing, and the apartment was often empty because neither of you were ever really home. much like your eyes when you looked at him these days, what used to be the world to you now reflected a beautiful blonde man with the prettiest lips this side of the han river. you still loved him, you’d convinced yourself of such. the only question left was, was it in the way he did?

once upon a time, all your poems screamed his name. from long winded monologues to neat, tight haikus, your words were stringed together to recreate the man you woke up next to every day for the past three years. exasperated sighs during your poetry slams showed the way your feelings for this man ate you up inside and god, you just couldn’t believe you’d finally found a good guy. a man that was the healing of the past and the brightening of the future, the man who truly made your days enjoyable. 

“good morning,” hyunjin was stretching in the living room as you allowed your sleep-deprived body to practically float through the apartment. lack of sleep due to the endless thinking and stress over school made you a zombie — one who didn’t have much of a knack for social interaction. nonetheless, you returned the sarcastic greeting, seeing as it was two in the afternoon on a nice sunday. the coffee in the pot was cold as you poured it, and you scowled as you grabbed some ice cubes but you couldn’t complain. had you been up on time, it would’ve been hot, you can hear hyunjin now.

“mm, you look nice,” you murmur as you slide onto the couch, watching your boyfriend’s shirt ride up slightly on his waist, exposing the sliver of skin you ran your fingers down before bed. he simply chuckled at your comment, a faint blush dancing across his cheeks as he continued his hip warm ups. “you’ve got rehearsal tomorrow after class, right?” sipping your coffee quietly, you saw hyunjin nod softly as he laid down on his mat. “yeah, unfortunately. i have to rain check our dinner tomorrow night, m’sorry, doll.” he closes his eyes as he rests his arms on his torso, and you slip off the couch to run your fingers through his soft hair. admiring him, you stroke his cheek gently as he opens his eyes, placing his hand above yours.

“your big showcase is coming up. dinner can wait, i’m always by your side.” you assured him of things you weren’t so sure of yourself, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. his eyes changed as you said that, but he nodded reluctantly as you placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “don’t practice too hard, my love. you know it worries me. i’ll be in the office if you need me.” 

“‘course, honey. don’t type your fingers off,” he’s muttering to himself, and he knows how much it bothers you but even the people who are supposedly perfect have bad days. a nice guy, really. “i heard that, pipsqueak.” you call back, placing your coffee cup on your desk, leaving the door slightly ajar to hear his recital music. as soon as you hear the first notes of the remix changbin made for him, minho and felix, you ease into your desk chair. closing your own eyes, you can see his movements in your mind from hours of watching them practice this routine, specifically two years ago when the dance team uploaded it to youtube. they planned on recreating it to see where it could take them, as a trio — seeing as the fluidity of the boys raked in millions of views, and thousands of dollars in donations to the school and the dance team.

none of which hit the creative writing and poetry department, but hey, the poetry slam videos didn’t do as well. to be fair, the poetry slam club didn’t do much to raise money but turned around to ask mommy and daddy — whereas, you worked for your fifty cents. unfortunately, your major had a huge influx of people who didn’t quite really appreciate the time and effort that it took to make your art — and a lot of them were actually there to please their parents, to say they went to college. as sad as it was, you realized your freshman year that you were surrounded by maybe a third of your class with an actual passion for writing, and even then, you would hear them mouth off about your classes being an easy a.

it sometimes made you wish to have picked a different field, at a different university. maybe even if you had pursued journalism like you had intended...maybe things would be different. you often notice your mind wandering off to these places, and you remind yourself you wouldn’t have met hyunjin. so, maybe things worked out in the end — even if you did watch your old friends travel out of the country on externship to major news companies and even land jobs before graduation. jobs you couldn’t pay to get, and so, you worked part-time at the italian restaurant down the street and hid from any possible peers that may come your way.

“y/n-ah, you promised me i’d score some free breadsticks if i brought you the coffee!” jisung was whining as you bagged up his order, missing the way you shot your coworker a knowing glance, chuckling to yourself. “yah! did your mother not teach you manners? i know what i said, now keep quiet while minho gets them.” you give him a pointed look, and he scowls as you take the warm bread bag and slip it into his knapsack. “love you, bud. take it easy, i know that ankle is killing you.” you pat his shoulder, and he smiles inwardly as he takes the bag shyly, whirling out of the shop with a soft call of goodbye.

“how’s hyunjin?” minho inquires, pouring some olive oil into his calzone dough mix. you watch as he turns the mixer on, leaning your cheek on the heel of your hand. you gave your friend a sad look, and he sighed as he took in the atmosphere. “i take it you’re feeling detached?”

“and i hate it. hyunjin is literally my best friend, he is the absolute love of my life! i don’t know what’s going on anymore.” you bury your face in your hands, letting out a groan of frustration. only minho knew of your inner turmoil, and that was because you knew he’d understand. he too, was in the same situation. the only difference was that he could give you a hyunjin perspective — because it was jisung that felt the way you did. but if you told jisung, there was a small possibility he would spill the beans — not on purpose, but it would happen eventually. minho was like a steel safe enclosed in another one that was bolted into the ground.

“you need to talk to him before he starts prying. why do you think jisung left without a word to me?” he’s kneading the dough angrily, and you wince at every harsh smack that lands. “do you think i enjoy coming home to an empty bed, while jisung is out late with chan-hyung and changbin? do you think i like opening my hulu account to see he’s watched seven episodes of how i met your mother without me? this is fucking ridiculous,” he was now rolling out the dough, the warm container of fresh marinara sauce nearly being spilt with the vigor in which the table was shaking.

“you seriously need to talk to him, babe.” you turn as the doorbell dings, and you’re met by the prettiest soul this side of the han river — hyunjin. feeling a small smile slip onto your face, you return to the register to see him smiling back at you. “why hello, how may i help you?” 

“hello, miss. i’m looking for a certain y/n, i’ve come to whisk her away for supper.” he’s holding a brown bag, and you just know there’s a steamy bowl of soft tofu stew waiting to be devoured. “i adore you, hwang hyunjin.” you skirt around the counter to kiss his lips softly, hands resting on his cheeks as one of his own comes to your waist, the tips of his fingers settling in your back pocket.

“minnie, i’ll be back in thirty!” you call out, and the boy waves you off with a chuckle. despite the obvious problems that you were skirting around, minho knew that you would always adore hyunjin, boyfriend or not.

physical attraction was also not an issue — he was gorgeous, but you hated reducing him to that, and anyone who did was immediately on your hit-list. hyunjin had talent, skill, and one of the kindest hearts you’d ever had the pleasure of meeting. hyunjin was what you could call an all-rounder — he was efficient in every area of his life, including his relationship. which made you realize that perhaps, it was your lack of experience in relationships, in being treated nicely.

“i love those jeans on you,” hyunjin says as you walk hand-in-hands towards the back parking lot. “you say that because you bought them for me, even after i said i didn’t need them.” you roll your eyes as hyunjin lets go of your hand, instead using it to open the backseat door for you. this was routine, on days that hyunjin didn’t have late practices or managed to leave early — he would buy something you both loved, drive to your workplace, steal you from minho for a bit to grub, and then wait at home for you until you called to be picked up. sometimes you even drove minho home. however, hyunjin’s hand on your knee as he slid in after you, gave you a warm sensation throughout your chest.

you sighed contentedly, letting hyunjin get everything out of the bag. you began slipping your white jumper off, seeing as if any of the stew got on it, you’d regret blowing fifty dollars on it. you soon realized that the jumper was exactly why hyunjin offered to manage your finances. “spoon, napkin,” he was handing you things and you quietly took them, waiting as he began to lower the cup holder to place the stew between you.

“hyunjin, do you remember our first date?” you looked at the sun, hanging low in the sky as the nighttime approached. you had been sitting in this very backseat, your hands tangled in his hair as he showed you a song he loved at the time — and continued to, to this day it blasted through your speakers at home. it’d sort of become your song — but you shared many things with him that night. “you mean how you kissed me after you had texted me earlier that day that there would be no kissing? not saying i didn’t enjoy it,” he snorts as you whack his arm lightly.

“yah, it was a moment of weakness. the timing was perfect, you were perfect.” you lean against the door, leg propped up on the seat as your fingertips tracing the spoon in your hand. you feel a bit of emotion hit your eyes, but hyunjin softly pats your leg. “hwang hyunjin, how did i manage to find a man like you?”

“you didn’t, there’s nothing all that special about me,” you’ve both seemed to forget about the early supper as hyunjin lifts the cup holder up, and scoots closer to you, resting your legs atop his thighs. drumming his fingers along your shins, he smiled at the fond memory of the date. “if anything, i think it was a moment of rose-colored glasses. all i did was slide you a book from the top shelf.” it was true, you’d met hyunjin at the campus library. granted, it was your first time in there, and hyunjin had been a bit of an overachiever his first year — so he was in the right place at the right time as you groaned about the library stacking ten shelves high.

“i still can’t believe we had sex in that bathroom,” you shudder playfully, letting out a laugh as hyunjin gasped. “you suggested it! i just granted your wish!” laughing harder, you notice hyunjin admiring you softly. “yah, you’re making me shy.” 

“you’re beautiful,” his thumb caresses your cheek, and you glance at his lips before he slowly closes in. the softness of them, something you often envied, had always been enough to make you feel hot. the technique, his hand placement as he kissed you sweetly, always made you feel giddy. hyunjin was like a really good amusement park — you wanted to go on all the rides. without breaking the kiss, you adjusted yourself to sit on his lap, relishing the way his hands snaked to your belt loops to pull you closer. his tongue expertly slides into your mouth, a small gasp escaping your lips as his thumbs rub circles over your covered breasts, the flimsy tank top hiding your sensitive nipples but heightening the sensation.

subconsciously pushing your chest into him, your own hands struggle to find home as you slide them beneath his own shirt, feeling his softly chiseled muscles under your fingertips. the soft whine that emits from his lips as you brush his nipple accidentally, a gentle reminder of the small metal bar that he pierced in on a drunken night. if there was anything you and hyunjin shared, it was sensitivity.

his hands immediately pulled down the straps of your shirt, the material sliding off your breasts as he broke the kiss — lips dragging all over your chest, nipping and biting in all places. “wait, wait. take this off,” you pulled on his own shirt, and he obliged almost furiously, tugging his cardigan and shirt off in one go — pierced nipples and belly button on display. god, he was fucking gorgeous.

“mm, i like these.” your voice was low as you gently stroked them, adoring the soft rutting of hyunjin’s hips against your own. “be nice to me tonight, baby. i’m sore from practice.” he tucks a strand of his hair behind his ear, and you look at his swollen lips. a shy blush coats his cheeks as he looks away, your hand grabbing for his jaw to make him look at you, your eyes boring into his own. “fuck, you’re beautiful. you’ve always been so beautiful.” he whines, his hand at the nape of your neck and pulling you in for another kiss, rougher this time. his free hand circles around your waist, holding you in place as your lips connect again, but briefly because you begin to kiss down his jaw, stopping to nibble at his earlobe. adding to the sensation, you grind your hips down, and you take a small nip near his jugular, a whine of your name leaving his mouth.

“you sound so pretty, so, so pretty baby. do it again.” you suck on the skin softly, and with your hands pressed against his chest, he allows another murmured whine to ring in your ears, his skin hot to the touch. “fuck, y/n.” 

you find yourself tracing his stomach and waist, trailing kisses down his chest — and a welcomed sensation to him when you teasingly flicked your tongue on his hardened nipple. his hips bucked up and you chuckled, his fingers carding through his hair as you swirl your tongue around his nipple, heart beating against his chest insanely fast. “your heart is beating so fast.” whispering, you place a chaste kiss right above it, before trailing down slowly, maneuvering your back and legs to kneel before him, carefully so you’d fit nicely. hyunjin looked at you as you did so, following your every move with glassy eyes.

“take off your pants.” slightly hoarse, but he slipped his hands under the band of his sweats, shoving them down as you’d instructed. you watched like a hawk, the way his thigh muscles flexed deliciously as he shoved them down carefully. springing free, his cock was beautiful — not too thick, maybe two inches above average, leaking precum any time he let you get your hands on him. glancing up at him, you notice the soft love bites blooming across his chest and neck, smiling to yourself as you hover above his cock. running your forefinger along the underside, you relished in the power as hyunjin shivered under your touch. leaning down slightly, you give his tip a kitten lick, gathering a bit of his precum on your tongue — and you rest your hands on his thighs to hoist yourself up towards his lips.

taking your tongue in first, hyunjin kisses you slowly, allowing the taste of himself to marinate in your mouths. you gently drag your nails on his inner thighs, noticing the goosebumps trail along your boyfriend’s skin before you grab his shaft snugly. a surprised gasp disconnects your lips, and you take the opportunity to spit directly on his swollen tip, taking it into your mouth shallowly as you softly spread your saliva with his precum. all is calm as you begin sucking towards the underside of his tip, your tongue running along the thick vein of his length.

practically drooling a river, you push yourself to sink down a bit more, allowing his tip to barely brush the back of your throat — his dull nails are digging into your shoulder as you swallow around him, the pace of your movements excruciatingly slow as you pull off with a pop. a string of spit connected you to him as you pulled away, your lips swollen lightly as you took hold of his thigh, pumping his erection in one hand, kissing his lips chastely as you whispered sweet nothings. “i want you, so bad, baby.” he whines against your lips, and you almost feel bad as you sadistically smirk. “you always do, don’t you?”

you can feel his thigh quivering as he tries to hold back, but the overwhelming feeling of your lips dragging over his upper body and the tight, rhythmic stroking of his cock in your hand was all too much. you can tell because he’s beginning to look away, his eyes fluttering as you continue to murmur filthy words in his ear, his hips swiveling in light circles into your hand. “does the little slut want to cum?” and without warning, hyunjin was orgasming, his cum shooting out in warm spurts all over your chest. his eyes screwed shut as he trembled under your touch, and you simply smiled as he exhaled a breath you were sure he wasn’t aware he was holding in.

“found a new word for you, baby. you did so well for me, my love.” you laugh softly as you begin to wipe your breasts off with your finger, not noticing the way hyunjin’s tired eyes still held a bit of lust in them. taking hold of your hips, hyunjin pulled you up into his lap once more, leveling your chest with his mouth. he slowly dragged his lips over every open part, collecting his cum as he swirled his tongue over your breasts, nipping softly. appalled, you watched him through hooded eyes, an absentminded hand tangled in his hair leading him to your nipples every now and again. “kiss me, baby.”

his hand quickly finds home on your jaw, guiding the slippery kiss full of passion..when you hear a knock on the window. the sudden sound causes you to hit your head on the roof of the car, in turn making you bite down on hyunjin’s lower lip. not that he cared, it was hot.

“what the fuck!” hyunjin throws his shirt over you before tucking himself back into his sweatpants, and you panic-wipe your face and his, realizing just how foggy the windows had gotten. he takes a shaky breath before rolling down the window, only to see minho standing there with his arms crossed. “y/n-ah, you said thirty minutes.” he’s not happy, but hey, it could’ve been worse. you sigh in relief, dropping hyunjin’s shirt, not caring that minho has now seen your boobs as you tug your straps back up. hyunjin’s stomach felt like it fell out of his ass, but minho grimaces as he watches his younger friend wipe his face once more. “in the parking lot? really?”

“listen, sometimes you gotta make do.” you smile, kissing your boyfriend’s cheek apologetically. “i’ll see you at home, baby. promise.” kissing his lips gently one more time, you wave to him as he tries to catch his breath. slipping away with minho, you try to hide the sweat on your face from riling yourself up in a hot ass car just to get your boyfriend off.

“i expected more from you, y/n. you were gone for forty minutes,” minho scoffs as he wipes a tissue across your chest, and you feel your face heat something awful when you realize you still had some of hyunjin’s residue on you. how embarrassing. nonetheless, you scowl at your friend. “that’s barely ten minutes over!” you want to be mad at minho, but your mind can only drift to hyunjin as your empty stomach growls for the last twenty minutes of your shift.

“yah, hyunjin-ah. i’m home!” you call out as you slide your backpack off, noticing his favorite boots abandoned by the door.  minho had walked you home, so you figured there was no use in calling him anyway. rolling your eyes, you pick them up to place on the somewhat empty rack (it was usually full of shoes stacked upon each other), and it is only then you hear the lo-fi beats coming from your bedroom that you realize he may have fallen asleep. smiling to yourself, you tiptoe into the kitchen, finding the soft tofu stew in the microwave and you grant yourself permission to heat it up while you get ready for bed. popping the lid off, you slide it back in and quietly walk towards your bedroom, seeing your boyfriend bundled in the duvet like a burrito. his eyes were shut, lips parted softly and he was beautiful.

leaning against the doorframe, you admire him quietly, his light breathing drowned out by the music coming from your television. you take in the purple-tinted atmosphere, ignoring the backpack and duffle bag hidden in the corner of the room.

“stop staring at me,” you hear him mumble, and you let out a laugh. “i thought hwang hyunjin was sleeping, sorry hwang hyunjin.” you chuckle, moving to turn on the desk lamp to remove your makeup. he grunts in response, before sitting up and leaning back onto the bed frame. “yah, y/n. i need my beauty rest.”

“yeah? do you? you also need to study, you’ve got a fat ass final coming up in that anthropology class.” you tap your shared calendar, and sure enough, he had a test in two weeks. “honey, i deserve a break.” he groans, and you simply shake your head as you wipe off your lipstick, that had somehow managed to stay intact during your...earlier endeavors.

“yeah, baby. you do.” you smile at him through the mirror, noticing the way he seemed a bit...drained. “ah, i don’t like it when you look like that, hyunnie. what’s nagging you?” you say, slipping off your jumper and tank top, rustling in his drawer for a shirt, which felt surprisingly less full. his silence makes you rush, grabbing a random shirt you were sure belonged to changbin at some point but you shoved your head in anyway.

“i just...i’m feeling a bit cold.” he says quietly, and you freeze. “cold...cold meaning sick, cold meaning temperature, cold meaning—”

“you feel far away, y/n. i feel cold.” he reluctantly turns to face you, his hands in his lap. frowning, you tug off your jeans, grabbing a pair of his shorts to slide on. “baby, i—”

“no, y/n. don’t ‘baby’ me, you always do this. anytime i want to be closer to you and i want to show you off the world, you hide from me. every time i want to go do cliché couple things, like matching sweaters or something, you brush me off. am i a joke, y/n? is this funny to you? do you get off on being cruel to someone who loves you more than anything?”

the outburst is unexpected. you feel your chest heat with embarrassment, and you back away from the bedside where you had been standing. you feel your eyes well up with tears but you know there is no excuse for the way you’d been acting, and that he wasn’t wrong — and you couldn’t brush it off this time. looking down, you fiddle with your rings as you let his words sink in.

“i’m sorry, hyunjin. i wasn’t aware you felt this way,” you feel a lump in your throat and you wonder why — maybe after so long of hoping he would mess up in order to break up, you realized you didn’t want that. you look at him through blurred vision, the purple love bites you left now fully bloomed and an eyesore. “i know you weren’t, y/n. you never ask me how i’m feeling any more, much less have you ever. i understand we get caught up in our lives and i know that all this ‘other half’ stuff is bullshit, but you would make time for me, y/n. you were melting, and now you’re just back in the freezer.” he sighed, throwing the comforter off his legs and standing before you. wiping tears off your cheeks, hyunjin pulls you into a tight hug.

“i just want to know what i’m doing wrong.” and you break. “you’re not doing anything wrong, hyunjin. it’s me, it’s always been me. i’m just this broken piece of ice that’s been floating over the ocean for decades, hoping someday the sun will melt me down and i’ll become one with the water. i’m tired of not being able to give you the benefit of the doubt and realize that you won’t hurt me like everyone else has. it’s been three damn years, hyunjin. what am i doing wrong?”

“maybe you’re not ready for a relationship, y/n.” his voice is calm as he strokes your back, and you feel your heart start racing at the thought of losing him. regardless of what you’d thought before, the panic of being alone has now set in and you can’t imagine your life without him — and that in itself is a toxic mentality. you were not incomplete before you met hyunjin, and you would be fine if and when he ever decided to step out of your life.

“no, no. i am, i am ready. that’s why i’m here, i swear i’ll fix it—” your panicked hands stroked hyunjin’s face shakily, and you noticed tears in his eyes as he grabbed your wrists, cupping your hands in his own as he stood. “y/n, you’re not ready. for the past three years, i’ve felt alone in this apartment, no matter how many times you walked through that door. i felt you try to warm up, i felt your effort but slowly, you just kept pushing me back. ice is meant to melt at some point, my love. maybe you are something far more solid.”

and that is when you notice that he is fully dressed. his jewelry is still in, and he’s in a different jumper and sweatpants. his feet are covered with the cactus socks you snagged at target for him, and you suddenly feel your stomach do a backflip. suddenly, the less-crowded shoe rack, the organized drawer, the bags in the corner...they make sense.

“are you...are you leaving me?” your trepidation is clawing at your throat, and you can feel your nails digging into your palms. “no, y/n. you’re leaving me.” hyunjin wipes a tear from his face, holding one of your poetry books in his hand. he must have hid it under the blankets, and he hands it to you, opening it to a bookmarked page. you now see your world crumbling before you. furrowing your brows, you close it, your hand going limp as you stare at his socks.

“you read my work.” you let the book slip onto the floor, landing on the carpet with a soft thud. “it’s the only way i’ve even made it this far, y/n.” you feel betrayal rip through you, and you hate that the only thing you ever asked him not to do had been done. you didn’t care about hiding anything besides this flimsy book of poems that you hid beneath your bed every single time you wrote something new.

“get out.” you mumble, and hyunjin opens his mouth, only to press it in a tight line. he grabs his bags quickly, and you’ve seen now that he even cleared his own cosmetics off your vanity. you would miss dolling him up for his showcases. “i’ll see you at my showcase. i hope you’re still coming.” he said quietly, before padding silently into the living room, and eventually, you heard the jingle of his keys and the slam of the front door. hearing the lock turn, you felt the tears roll down your face uncontrollably.

and slowly, but surely, you’ve fallen asleep with your face buried in hyunjin’s pillow, the soft tofu stew long forgotten.

things had always been so neutral with hyunjin. he didn’t like fighting but he was petty as hell, so that canceled out. he didn’t like cooking but he was great at it, which also canceled out. he didn’t particularly care for shower sex, but when you did indulge, it almost made you angry how well it went down.

sex with hyunjin was quite the opposite of neutral — it was filthy, wet, slippery even. it was hot and heated and you loved every moment of whatever was happening — whether he had been pounding you into your mattress, or his face was buried between your thighs, everything was euphoric. and what made you furious was that whilst you had let yourself wallow in your sudden heartbreak, you didn’t realize that you craved the skinship you shoved away.

you missed waking up to his hand literally dangling in your face, his leg thrown over your hip, or his cold ass feet tucked onto the back of your thighs. you missed holding someone’s hand as you walked around campus, being kissed goodbye as he dropped you off for class while he was headed to practice. you hated seeing hyunjin across campus and not being able to call out his name and hand him the milk tea that you’d mistakenly bought for him ten minutes ago, having completely forgotten that you were broken up.

so you felt like an idiot holding two medium wintermelon milk teas as your ex-boyfriend walked closer with his entourage. you looked at minho, and as if sensing your eyes, he glanced up. meeting your gaze, minho’s jaw dropped as you trashed the drink, tossing it in the nearest garbage can — an action not missed by felix and hyunjin. “hey, y/n.” minho tried, and you glared at him as you walked past, nearly slamming into changbin and jeongin as you did so.

you ignored the ache in your throat, your eyes scanning the campus for chan. you had set to meet with him to study for your statistics final, and had been running late by getting boba. only then you realize you could have given him the extra drink, but you shook it off as you see his built form appear a few feet in front of you, his thick legs cozied in warm sweatpants that read 3RACHA down his thigh. “channie! wait up!”

he halts, looking up from his phone to look around. “ah, y/n!! how are you?” turning, he gives u a soft fist bump as you both begin the walk to the library. your hand took his elbow, and he was puzzled as you rushed him down the path. “are you okay? you seem off. did something happen with hyunjin?”

you were inside the library now, and you feel your stomach churn at the sound of his name, simply swiping your student card to get into the study room. you set down your backpack, toying with the zipper before you begin trying to form the words necessary. you tried to hold it in, but you couldn’t help and let a few tears slip out of your eyes as your lips quivered. “we broke up.”

followed by silence, chan seemed to understand as he stood, enveloping your limp form in a hug as you broke down for the third time that week. trying to hide your emotions from your friends was always easy, but you’d never felt defeat like this. you’d never allowed someone to see your heart and learn its ways, so knowing now that you had seen hyunjin’s and ignored it simply showed that you had taken him for granted.

“haven’t you got any faith in yourself, y/n?” he mumbles as he wipes your cheeks with his sleeve, taking hold of both your hands. “being single is the least of your worries, girl. let’s just cool off a bit and focus on this dumbass final that we’ve got to ace tomorrow.” chan began writing up practice equations that your professor had assigned earlier that week, and though you wiped your tears and whipped out your calculator — you regretted renting the study room across the very library you met hyunjin in.

the boys had wound up dragging you out of the apartment on the night of hyunjin’s showcase, making the coping process much harder and the carpool was just a bit more suffocating as you turned into an unfamiliar neighborhood to pick up the soloist for the night, hwang hyunjin. you looked at the houses on the street as chan cruised forward, only to stop in front of an old townhouse with a nice vegetable garden. you quietly looked out the window to see your ex-boyfriend kissing and older woman’s cheek goodbye.

“hey, scoot.” he opened the door and you reluctantly scooted over, realizing now why the boys asked if you wanted the passenger seat. hyunjin’s freshly dyed black hair would definitely be a show-stopper, and paired with the dance he’d prepared, you knew he’d steal some hearts. “nice hair.” you mutter, and you feel hyunjin sigh softly, pulling out his phone.

a minute later, you feel your phone vibrate in your clutch. a small lump in your throat forms as you see you’ve forgotten to change his contact name.

[4:54PM] baby ♥︎🩰: would you be willing to do my makeup for the showcase..?

glancing up, you grimace as you see hyunjin staring out the window with flaming red cheeks. scowling, you type back a short ‘yes’ and stare at the bouquet in your lap for the rest of the drive.

backstage was crawling with dancers and makeup artists, but hyunjin had managed to convince the stage manager to get him and the boys off in a green room in the concert hall. seeing as the stage manager apparently owed hyunjin for some favor years ago, he’d snuck hyunjin the key as you strolled quietly backstage with the boys. minho and felix just needed to get dressed, they would be waiting in the audience for their turn on stage for the group performances. you feel set up, somehow.

you waited quietly on the sofa, scrolling mindlessly through twitter as you let the boys rustle around getting into their outfits. seeing as hyunjin had a solo and a group dance, his bag was twice as heavy. “okay, i’m heading out. we’ll be up third.” minho was buttoning his shirt as he started walking out, felix trailing behind him as he smoothed on some chapstick. the room felt thick with tension, yet you pushed past it to set up hyunjin’s makeup on the vanity table, your fingers dusted with eye glitter.

“these are for you,” you set the bouquet down on the vanity as you allow him to finish getting dressed. a bouquet of mixed flowers, bold and colorful — daisies, cornflowers, honeysuckles, red tulips and carnations. an eyesore that you adored. you knew you wouldn’t be around after the performance, so you simply slipped your note into the bouquet when he silently clipped in his jewelry.

best of luck, my love. forever yours, y/n <3

“why are you being so quiet?” hyunjin asked as he came up behind you, buttoning his shirt quickly. “yah, i’m not being quiet. i feel awkward, i want to get this done and over with, hyunjin.” you say, moving out of the way so he can sit down, and you sweep his hair off his face, ignoring the temptation to kiss his forehead like you usually would. you know, for someone who had had a hard time melting to form into what hyunjin ‘needed’, you sure had no trouble being what hyunjin craved. he hadn't realized that until his first actual night without you.

he was freezing.

“be gentle with me.” he said as you patted moisturizer under his eyes, listening out for the start of the first performance. “i always am.” you whisper, not allowing the tears building up to escape as you blink them back. hyunjin’s gaze on your face was intensely intimidating as you carefully blended a muted terracotta shade on his eyelid, and you think you imagine the pout on his lips until you go back in with a brown pencil liner. “yah, hwang hyunjin! why are you pouting?”

he looks down at his hands, toying with the loose strands on the holes of his jeans. you frown, dusting on an easy amount of blush before grabbing his lip tint. your hand grasps his jaw, his eyes widening as you do so.

“you’ve gotten so mean,” he mutters as he puckers his lips, and you feel a smile sneak onto your face as you dab the tint on lightly. “you’ve always liked it.” you almost kiss him, out of routine, but the cold air in the room reminds you of what can no longer be. a sad feeling washes over you as you spray his face lightly with a setting spray, and wave your hands around him to dry it.

“you’re going to do great out there, hyunjin. i know it.” holding his arms, you rub them gently one last time before hearing the second song start for the next group, starting your brisk walk out of the room. “wait.” stopping in place, you don’t turn as you hear his feet patter behind you, and you feel his presence on your back as his hand takes hold of your wrist. slowly, he turns you around and your eyes are closed, not wanting to know what the next two minutes may hold. you don’t realize you’re backing up against the door until you’ve hit it, and your eyes open to see his face ghosting over yours. his breathing is shaky, and you can’t help but feel tears fill your eyes as you brush your lips against his.

kissing you back softly, his hand finds home on your waist — and you feel a tear roll down as you wrap your arms around his neck. your lips are burning his skin but he relishes in the warmth he’d been missing for the past two weeks. your skin is hot to the touch and he realizes…

maybe it was him that needed melting.

“good luck, hyunjin. you’re gonna be fine.” you sniff as you push him away, exiting the green room as quickly as you could, hearing the second song coming to an end. you’re sprinting towards the auditorium at this point, nearly crashing into minho as he and felix are rushing towards backstage to set up in the thirty seconds they have. “first row, fourth seat!” felix yells as you open the auditorium door, and you nearly bust a lung trying to catch your breath while sliding into the seat next to jisung.

“hey, sungie.” you take a deep breath and han jisung simply shakes his head — his hand taking hold of yours as the curtain rises with the boys in position. of course, hyunjin is front and center as the spotlight catches him directly, his hands crossed across his face in a gesture you’d memorized from his practices. the music begins, and once more you’re drawn in by the fluid movements of his body, the body control he carried on himself was something many dancers would die for. suddenly, it’s like there’s no one else in the room but you and him. you’re locked on his swiveling hips, the flow of his arms as he melted into the music.

and you fall in love all over again.

“our last soloist for the night has been well anticipated in many ways. the star of the show, the one and only man of the hour — let’s hear it for our very own hwang hyunjin!” the announcer is far too excited in your opinion, and you roll your eyes as the entire auditorium goes up in screams, joining them in their clapping. the crowd dies down as the curtain rises, and you hold your breath as hyunjin steps into view, a piece of white ribbon in between his teeth as he looks into a gold-framed mirror. he ties his hair back carefully as he stares into the mirror, and as the beat drops in, your jaw locks. his hand wraps around his neck lightly, before looking back with a finger in his mouth.

he rips off the veil-like cape and before you know it, he’s on the ground and you understand now why the entire crowd is entranced as his knees alternate, the way his hand covers his joker-like grin and the way he’s sliding around the floor is simply delicious. fan service, you think reluctantly as you hear a group of individuals screaming in a lust-filled pitch.

the silver details make him glimmer as he releases all his emotions on the stage, and you feel your thighs clench as you catch a glimpse of the belly piercing you adored. your nails are digging into your palm as you realize how high the shirt has come undone, and it is only now that you recognize the song playing in your ears as hyunjin’s performance comes to an end with his hand around his neck once more, the lights dimming as the last line rings in your mind.

i’ve always liked to play with fire.

you feel your heart stop in your chest as hyunjin throws the rose he’d held in his mouth in your general direction, and the crowd screams once more as he leaves the stage, pulling the ribbon out of his hair as he exited. you ignore all the screams as you feel the urge to get up and leave the premises like you have every single time hyunjin had a showcase. you want to push your way out the doors and run home to a pillow that doesn’t smell like him anymore but you pretend it does in hopes of some sort of manifestation that he’d show up in your dreams again.

you can’t help but slip your heels off and bolt for the exit as the dancers come back on stage for their final bow. you see hyunjin in your peripheral view and like always, you ignore it. you ignore the beet red blush on his face as people throw flowers at him and scream his name, and you ignore the way he pushes through the crowd to find you in the parking lot. you ignore the cold on your back as you manage to hail a taxi and slip in, giving the driver your address in a hurried sob as you see hyunjin exit the building behind you. you ask her to step on it as you feel the lump in your throat grow, and she gives you a pitiful look as she steps on the gas. you feel bad. you always do when you run away from what is best for you.

“trouble in paradise, honey?” she asks quietly, and you nod as your phone vibrates repeatedly, surely spam calls from the boys. “he loves me far more than i could have imagined. it is sad that i am simply not enough for him in my own eyes.”

“oh my, dear. you will always be enough. look at you, you’re young! you’re full of life even when you look like you’re having a rough time, you look like what i wish i looked like twenty years ago! you’re the it girl, baby. cherish it.” she sighs as she stops in front of your apartment, and you dig through your clutch for some cash. “don’t worry. this one’s on me, but i think you could make it work.” she looks into your eyes and you feel your soul ache as you nod.

“i will, auntie. thank you.” you exit her cab, scurrying up the stairs to your apartment quietly. you feel winded as you unlock your door, and you throw your heels onto the empty rack. you wander mindlessly about your apartment, standing in front of what once held photos upon photos of you, hyunjin and all your friends. memories that were once stuck to the wall were now stacked up on the dining room table, and you sighed as your fingers touched the thumbtack holes.

“in this maze of memories, where did i lose you?” you whisper to yourself, sighing as you trail towards your bedroom, plopping face first onto your bed, ignoring the sudden whiff of hyunjin’s scent coming off your pillow. “how cruel it is to live in a world where you’re not even in my photo albums anymore.”

hyunjin had started to distance himself more, and last you’d heard, he was offered to study a year abroad in france with minho and felix. good for him, i wish him well, you’d told jisung when he shared the good news. minho and jisung managed to work it out, with jisung having been offered a year abroad as well for music production with the dance team, they realized it was time to figure out who they were to each other. you find out the person hyunjin kissed a few months back before the showcase was his grandmother — she’d recently moved into that old townhouse.

you couldn’t really swallow down the pill that hyunjin wasn’t yours anymore, but the universe didn’t give you much of a choice as it kept turning. you’d lost your passion for poetry, and the dream to be a huge name in journalism in the months after. you’d given your poems to be displayed in the creative writing hall at your university, and you realized that nothing you wrote was ever about anything besides hyunjin. everything was connected back to him, and it seemed the world knew that as you dropped your major entirely, and when your advisor questioned what you would be changing it to, you simply shrugged and told her you didn’t know. i want to see the world, you said. university is tying me down.

seeing as you had officially finished the year, you had no loose strands to burn besides packing up and moving out of your student apartment. you’d sent hyunjin his things via seungmin and jeongin, who were kind enough to help you move out and get a moving van back to seoul. you were going to spend the summer with them, seeing as they simply planned to go all around seoul auditioning for companies. 

you were taping the last box when you heard a soft knock at the door.

looking up, you see hyunjin. back to his blonde hair, glowing in all his glory. you give him a tight lipped smile, and stand up to greet him quietly. “hello. i heard you got offered a year in france. congratulations.” you mumble as you stand in front of him, and he nods silently. the tension is thick as he shifts from side to side, before clearing his throat.

“i saw your poems in the hall.” he whispered, and you scoff, scratching your neck shyly. “yeah, i decided to say goodbye. sort of lost touch with that dream.” he doesn’t say anything, but you look to see his eyes screwed shut as he leans against your doorframe. “i didn’t know you wrote so much about me, y/n.”

“everything i’ve ever written has been about you, hyunjin. you were my lucky star, the moon i talked to every night. you held all my creativity, because you were my only inspiration.” you shrug, and hyunjin simply stretches his arms out. “come, let me hold you.”

and for a moment, this is okay. you’re okay, feeling the warmth of his body against your own and hearing his soft heartbeat. you’re okay, realizing that you will never stop loving hwang hyunjin, no matter how far he is. you’re okay, knowing that he also loves you, and you’re okay with the soft kiss he plants on your scalp.

“i turned it down. i got into a company,” he murmurs, and you gasp. “and even though i’d be under a dating ban, i figured i’d let you know that i miss you and that i’d override that for you, if you’ll have me. i miss waking up with you and i miss walking to class together. i miss you, and i love you. i hope that we can be together someday, again. whether it’s tomorrow or in ten years, just know my heart belongs to you.”

you can’t begin to explain why he should run. so you won’t. you won’t crush him with your fears, or your doubts of what’s to come — because in the end, the love you fear you don’t deserve has already begun. you smile into his chest, breathing in the soft scent of his perfume. “i love you.”

temptaetions © 2022. no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[ultralightpoe]

Ouuuu so excited could I get an Aemond imagine based on the summoning by sleep token song specifically the last minute and 35 seconds (it’s the best part lol) if that doesn’t strike your fancy any chase Atlantic song haha…thanks I can’t wait to read it 🥰

The Summoning - Aemond Targaryen

Authors Note: Would you be mad if I admitted to never hearing this song before? Cause shit......it's a good song...... and I think I'm about to absolutely butcher it for you

Warnings: Smut..... There is definitely some smut in this one. 18+ please

Word Count: 1706

Description: Aemond is no match for the witch he loves

If you want to make a character and song request look HERE

Enjoy!

I've got a river running right into you

I've got a blood trail, red in the blue

Something you say or something you do

A taste of the divine

You lead him through the woods, one hand dragging him while the other carries a small satchel of the necessities needed for whatever spell you wanted to perform that day. 

The mischievous gleam in your eye was twice as intense as normal, and it set Aemonds blood on fire as he let you lead him far away. You could be planning on killing him and he would let you, so long as you kept looking at him with those eyes. 

His foot snags on a branch and he stutters in steps, you allow him to fall into you, both leaning against a tree allowing him to trap you in. Like a sailor trapped by a siren he lunges for a kiss, which you happily allow. 

He devours you, hands coming up to hold your jaw as you moan lightly before he leans to lick the salty sweat off your neck, groaning to himself when you reach to tear off the eyepatch. 

“Not here-” You gasp, rubbing into him. There is something so intoxicating about your that has Aemond clinging to your every word, allowing him to dissolve into your taste. “Just a few more steps, my prince, into the clearing.”

“Lead the way witchling.” He whispers, stepping off to let you lead him through the dark again.

You've got my body, flesh and bone, yeah

The sky above, the Earth below

He lands on the dirt under him, groaning out as you snag at his leather vest, trying to tear it off. 

Around him is an entire set up of candles, goblets of blood and painted stones encircling where he was laying down with you grinding down into him from where you currently straddled him. 

“Are….Are we sacrificing ourselves tonight?” He teases, biting back a groan as his hands reach to stop your hips. “Will my witch bleed for me?”

“So long as you do it hard.” You gasp out, finally removing his vest. He is too busy staring at the stars above him as you grab the knife and tear it across the front of his shirt to expose his chest to the night air. 

Before he can make a sarcastic comment you move off him to slice his leather riding pants and with a small amount of his help remove them from his body before shoving him back to lay down, untying your own corset as he watches, a possessive look gleaming in his eyes while you strip bare. 

Then you straddle him once more, smirking when he seethes from the touch. “Are you ready?”

“Always.” With his answer you sink down onto him while slicing a small cut down his chest.

Raise me up again

Take me past the edge

I want to see the other side

See the other side

He’s cumming before he even has a chance to catch his breath, eyes searing shut as you grind into him, thighs tightening as he groans out. 

You don’t seem to mind, too busy cutting the symbol needed into his flesh as you ride him, murmuring the chant over and over. Your voice is coming out in pants, the man below you filling you to the brim before you are even ready for it, not that it mattered. You would be doing this to him all night if it was needed. 

His head throws back in bliss as you make the final cut on his chest, blood pouring from the wounds. “FUCK-”

He catches your eye right as you swipe a finger along the blood, dragging it to your lips and sucking it clean. Something flashes in him and he finds himself thrusting up into you, already hard again. 

“No.” You snap, pushing his hips down with your own that has him moaning out. “It’s your turn to do it.”

Before he can process what you mean you are handing him the knife and dipping your fingers in his blood before lifting them up to your own chest and tracing a symbol. He nearly falls apart at the sight when you squeeze around him. 

You've got my body, flesh and bone

The sky above, the Earth below

“Are you….” His mouth is dry as he licks his lips, trying to catch his breath under you. “Are you sure?”

You answer by grinding down and leaning over him until your hands were in the dirt on either side of his head, breast against his chest as you lick some of his blood. This snaps something in him and he flips you both around so you are on the earth and thrusts harshly. 

“You’re a fu- shit- fucking tease.” He moans, wrapping your legs around his hips as his thrusts speed up until you squeeze around him and moan out loudly as you cum. 

He doesn’t waste time, taking the knife and carving it into the flesh of your chest, leaning down to catch a nipple in his mouth as he does so. 

“You own me-” You moan out, hands flying to grasp at his skin. “Body flesh and bone, my prince.”

“Body flesh and bone.” He whispers back before biting down on your breast.

Raise me up again

Take me past the edge

I want to see the other side

His skin heats up instantly as he finishes the symbol, his entire body on fire as he pulses with need. Gasping for air as he lays his forehead on your chest, snapping his hips into yours, desperate to cause friction. 

You must be feeling the same way under him, mewling out as you thrust up in an attempt to make him go faster.  “It hurts.”

It did, a searing addicting kind of pain that made him light up at your every touch. The wind around the both of you seemed to nip at your skin as he shut his eyes in attempt to ease himself. 

He was so close-

Won't you show me what it's like?

Won't you show me what it's like?

You flip yourselves back over before he can finish, not that he is complaining because once he looks at you it was heaven sent. 

You were looking back down at him, eyes black from whatever magic you were possessing as you lifted yourself off of him. “Do you want to feel the power?”

Yes yes yes yes yes. He doesn’t know if he is actually responding or just a moaning mess as you sink down onto him before taking a bit of your blood and swiping it across his mouth. 

The iron taste of it has his cock leaking pre cum, biting down on your thumb before you can pull it away when the spell fully takes him. He can see stars, not the ones in the sky but rather the ones you provide, his entire body tensing up under you. 

Oh, and my love

Did I mistake you for a sign from God?

Or are you really here to cut me off?

Or maybe just to turn me on

“Goddess ruin me!” He yells as his head throws back, hands snapping to your hips as you bounce on him, a moaning mess yourself. “That’s what you are? Is it not?”

“What’s that?” You pant out, dragging one of his hands to your breast.

“A goddess.” He groans out, biting at his own lip as pleasure overtakes him once more. “FUCK!”

You laugh, closing your eyes as you let yourself fall apart, gripping him like he was the last thing on this earth to cling to. Just as you both finish the heat that had consumed you eases itself and you both breathe out, pulsing with the other. 

“Goddess..” He whispers, staring up at you as he rubs your thigh and pinches your nipple. You groan out, head throwing back as he starts the next round. 

'Cause these days

I would be lying if I told you that

I didn't wish that I could be your man

Or maybe make a good girl bad

He takes control once more, flipping you both over and thrusting into you at an unnatural speed that has you screaming out, snatching his hair and pulling. 

“Scream all you fucking want-” He sneers, hand running up to cover your throat and squeeze. “No one can hear you out here goddess.”

Your eyes roll back as he cuts off circulation, coming undone over him once more. 

“That’s it. That’s. Fucking. Right.” He snaps, leaning to bite at your shoulder blade as he works you like his own little toy, your thighs shaking as you continue to cum around him. 

“Mine.” He grunts after he marks your shoulder. “Mine. Mine. MINE.”

The flames around you burn bright, turning red to deep black and back to red as the spell finishes, both of you shaking as you finish one more time. 

I've got a river running right into you

I've got a blood trail, red in the blue

Something you say or something you do

The taste of the divine

He licks you clean between your thighs, moaning at the taste as you still try to come down from your orgasm. Then he carries you to the river not far off and holds you as he sinks into the water, taking you once more right there before washing you clean and kissing along your marks, both your chests clear of any marks from the knife. 

“Witchling.” He bites out as he finishes in you once more, leaning to bite your lip while you moan out. “Goddess.”

You've got my body, flesh and bone

The sky above, the Earth below

Nothing to say and nowhere to go

A taste of the divine

He carries you back to the small clearing of the spell, laying with you until he falls asleep holding you. 

When he awakes there is nothing. No sight of you, no sight of any of the essentials from last night. His hand flies to his chest to find it clean, pure, nothing there. 

A tense desperation fills him, pumping under his skin as he closes his eyes. “Witchling.”

(sorry if that was hella cringey)

[moonchild-in-blue]

Can we talk about Turntail? Like I knew Queen the First (fifth? Miss Birdsong? Do you have a nickname for her that I’ve misremembered…) obviously had the voice of an angel, but these RUNS she is doing on this song?! They are so convoluted but she sings them so TIGHTLY?!?! And PRECISE?!?? How do I get more heart eyes over her, holy hell what a talent

You know what. It's currently past 3am and I'm playing Zelda because I can't sleep (running on sick hours over here), so yeah absolutely we can talk about Turntail 😌 Also, I don't really have a nickname for her, I just call her Miss Ma'am hahaha. Miss Birdsong is great, I'll borrow that.

(okay it is now past 4am i spent WAY too much time gushing over them sorry lol)

HONEY. THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING. If you think she sounds amazing as a BACKVOCALIST, then you're in for a treat to hear her as a main vocal of her OWN BAND HELLOOOOO.

I remember a few months ago in one of their (live? Q&A? one of them) instagram things, someone was commenting on how great she sounded, and one of the guys was like "yeah, and she didn't even get training, isn't that so annoying?", it was hilarious 😂 Miss Ma'am is a natural - no wonder Vessel got her (and the babes) to back him 💅

Turntail is fantastic, I've had it on repeat since Thursday. Their music is so interesting and unique, and a great of it is because of her singing. She does this crazy runs and unexpected intervals like it's nothing, and her tone is so so SO clear and stable. Her lows??? Like, honey can go reeeeal low and smooth and real high and crystalline in seconds just like that??

This song in specific, I super appreciate the eerie, melancholic vibes. It's such a great successor to The Collapse (their previous single), but somehow even better. And can we talk about that sexy bassline??? Johnny boy went HARD on it (like he always does. Same with my drummer boy Matt, he's fantastic. Also he writes a lot of the lyrics alongside Lyns, he's fantastic). I love the breakdown bridge and that last chorus so SO much. And the piano??? They always have the most heart-wrenching, soul-crushing, beautiful piano melodies, and yet I get pikachu faced everytime. What can't the queen do. Also, this is the first time they're using a voice effect-tune-thingy so, interesting choice there. The babes sound beautiful as ever too 💖

While my favourite thing from them is still the 1st ep (The Thing With Feathers - please please PLEASE go listen to it. The Downpour and The River are my favourite songs of them, they're so amazing, please I am begging you, you'll love it), you can absolutely hear how much better they get with each new thing they put out. I'm so so excited for when they finally release a full length album, it's been a long time in the making.

If you listen to their latest ep, Dancing In The Face Of Danger, you'll see that they went for a more upbeat vibe (notable on Pyre and Ever The Optimistic), so it feels great to hear the Sad Vibes™ again. Nothing against upbeat stuff (Pyre is one of their best songs fr), but I am an emo at heart sooo... yeah. Miss Birdsong sounds like an elf or some other woodland creature - idk if its just me but you can hear traces of folk music in it and ugh what a combo.

Super super reccomend you hear them live. There are a few recordings on YT, and some of them do feature one or both of the Espera babes too.

(not gonna talk about how once again i missed their concert 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 it was today/yesterday 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 i'm fine really not salty at all 😃😃😃😃😃😃)

Also - do not sleep on their Diamond Eyes cover. Genuinely does NOT feel like a cover AT ALL. Covering Deftones is so daunting because of how unique a they are, and by god those beautiful bastards did it. I do very much prefer their version to the og, she really shines vocally there.

[tabitha42]

The Wizard's Apprentice - Chapter 21

Saffron is just a lowly apprentice with barely a successful firebolt to her name. So what chance does she have with the arch mage she's slowly falling in love with?

Gale x Tav, slow burn, eventual smut

Chapter 1 Previous chapter Next chapter

Gale had never been a morning person, and he was especially not a morning person when nursing the world’s worst hangover. 

By the time he finally emerged from his tent the camp was a buzz of activity. The tieflings were helping clear up after the party and Wyll was cooking breakfast at the campfire. 

“Ah, there you are,” Wyll greeted him, taking some cooked meat and putting it on a plate. “Thought you’d never wake up.” 

Gale blearily walked over and sat next to him, rubbing his eyes. Gradually his mind started to piece itself back together as he ate. 

“Where are the others?” he asked, finally realising he couldn’t see any of their other companions around. 

“The ladies decided to go bathe in the spring just down river, which I thought might be a good idea for us, too. Might even help wake you up.” 

Gale nodded slowly. 

“And Astarion?”

“I have no idea. Off doing… Astarion things.” 

Astarion still hadn’t returned from his Astarion things by the time they’d finished breakfast, so they headed to the spring without him. They bought a towel each, a fresh change of clothes as well as a handful of dirty clothes to wash while they were there. They found a spot far from where they knew the girls likely were and got undressed. 

Wyll had been absolutely right - the water certainly did wake him up. 

“Gods, nothing like a shock of cold water to really stimulate one’s senses,” Gale commented with a wince as he stepped into the brisk water. Wyll was already waist deep, much more used to this sort of living than Gale was. 

“Feeling a bit better?” he asked with a chuckle as Gale waded in to join him. 

“Better is… not the word I’d use,” he admitted. “I swear this was warmer last time I bathed.” “It’s that morning air. Crisp and fresh.” 

“Mmm…” Gale murmured, unable to have quite the same enthusiasm for it that Wyll did. Still, he decided to try to focus on the one positive of all this. “You seem to be in better spirits than yesterday.” 

“Ah, yes. Well. I’ll admit, for most of the party, I felt rather… out of place. As much as Karlach was right and the tieflings did accept me, I still didn’t feel myself. When she went to dance I took the opportunity to excuse myself. But I should have known Karlach wouldn’t leave it at that. She came and found me. When I refused to return to the party, she refused to leave me. We spent a long time just talking. About all sorts - our adventures, our childhoods, our hopes for the future. Then we heard Alfira playing her new song. It was distant and muffled, but we could hear it. She knew I love to dance, so she offered to dance with me. Not a full dance, of course, but as much as we could without touching. I’ll admit - it worked. By the end of it I finally found myself smiling. And I daresay, had I been able to touch her, the night might have ended up in more than just a dance.” 

Gale chuckled softly, glad to see Wyll starting to feel like himself again. He could relate. 

“Amazing what having the right person around can do for you, isn’t it?” he mused, taking some soap out of his bag and starting to wash himself. 

“It truly is. I used to curse the name Karlach, now I could sing it from the rooftops. The only thing I curse now is Zariel and what she did to her. That damnable infernal engine… I am honestly amazed at how she keeps so positive all the time. But she is sure Dammon will be able to cure her. And, well, she has made it quite clear what she wants when that time finally comes.” 

Gale chuckled, amused by the smirk on Wyll’s lips. 

“I won’t ask for details,” he joked. 

“Heh, if I’m honest, I’m not sure I’m ready for all she’s got planned. But still… I wish we could do something. A hug, a stolen kiss under the stars… but it will make it all the sweeter when our time finally comes.” 

Gale had to admit, that was a nice way to think about it. He hoped they would all find the cures they needed, and all have their time finally come. 

“Anyway, enough about me,” Wyll decided after a moment. “What about you? Did Saff finally convince you to dance?” 

“Ah… yes, she did. To the same song as you, in fact,” he said, a smile playing on his lips from the memories of the night. “Oh? And how’d it go?” he asked with an excited smirk. He clearly was expecting more than what actually happened between them. 

“Well… we were dancing, and it was lovely, and then… I was a lot more drunk than I thought I was, and fell over.” 

Wyll burst out laughing. 

“Oh gods, Gale. Don’t tell me you let that be the end of it, though? I’m sure she didn’t hold it against you.” 

“You’re right, she didn’t. But…” he trailed off and looked away slightly. Wyll looked at him, at first in curiosity, then in concern when he saw the pained look on Gale’s face.

“Gale? Are you alright?” he asked, growing worried for his friend. Gale had been hesitant to tell anyone just yet… but he knew he could trust Wyll with this. 

“I… haven’t told her this yet. But the truth is… you and I are in much the same boat.” Wyll frowned, deeply confused. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, trying to figure it out. Gale sighed deeply. 

“This,” he said, tapping the circle on his chest. “It isn’t just magic it reacts to. It reacts to me. To… my emotions.” 

Gradually Wyll’s eyes started to widen in realisation. 

“I hadn’t been sure about it at first,” Gale continued. “But I’m sure of it now. Whenever the two of us are close… it flares up. Everyone thought I fell last night because of alcohol. It wasn’t. It was this.” 

There was a moment of quiet as Wyll looked at him sadly, realising how much his condition truly affects him.

“Well well, look at you two. Cockblocked by the universe.” 

The two of them nearly jumped out of their skins as Astarion seemed to appear out of nowhere next to them. 

“A truly tragic tale,” he continued casually. 

“Where did you come from??” Gale gasped, equal parts surprised and annoyed. 

“Oh, I had been getting some food earlier. After how busy last night was I didn’t get a chance to get a proper meal. Then when I got back I heard you two had come down here, so I thought I’d join you.” 

Gale and Wyll glanced at each other, then back at Astarion, who was now looking at them with a smirk on his lips. 

“I had a wonderful night by the way, if anyone’s interested.” 

“Did you?” Wyll asked, curious now. “Who with?” 

“Oh…” Astarion started, looking at them playfully. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Further downstream, the girls were enjoying a much warmer bath, courtesy of Karlach. 

“Ahh, this is the life!” Karlach declared happily, stretching her arms and leaning back against a rock. While the others were busy washing or cleaning their clothes, she was relaxing as if on a spa day. 

“You really enjoy bathing in rivers that much?” Shadowheart asked. She couldn’t say she shared the same love for it. 

“Yes! Never got the chance in the Hells. The rivers there were all boiling and stank of sulphur. But this… cool, clean water… I’d forgotten how good it felt!” 

Saff smiled to herself. It was so nice to see Karlach enjoying herself so much. Shadowheart shrugged slightly and went back to what she was doing, til she spoke again shortly later. 

“So, did you find Wyll last night after you went off looking for him?” 

“Yes! He didn’t want to come back to the party, but we still had a good time together,” she said with a big smile, reminiscing. Shadowheart narrowed her eyes slightly as she looked at Karlach. 

“Had anyone else said that I would assume you’d slept together, but with you I know that can’t be the case…” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me! I can’t wait til I can get this thing fixed. Then I have so many plans.” 

Now Shadowheart’s interest was really piqued. 

“Oh? Do we get to hear them?” she asked curiously, but Karlach only laughed. 

“No, those are for Wyll’s ears only. I’ll only tell you the first one - I want to share a dance with him.” 

Shadowheart looked marginally disappointed, while Saff looked more interested now.

“That’s so romantic,” she said softly, finding it sweet that that was one of the first things Karlach wanted to do. 

“Well, I hope he’s a better dancer than a certain other male companion of ours,” Shadowheart teased. Karlach lifted her head now and looked curiously at Saff, who looked slightly annoyed at Shadowheart. 

“Gale’s a perfectly good dancer!” she said defensively. 

“He fell over.” 

“He... was drunk,” she tried to argue in Gale’s defence, though didn’t do very well. Karlach started laughing, and finally even Lae’zel, who had previously been ignoring the conversation, joined in. 

“He fell over??” she asked, looking a bit disgusted. “Ch’k, any man who fell over while trying to court me would quickly learn of his failure.” 

“He wasn’t-... it wasn’t like that…” Saff stuttered, though all three of them gave her a disbelieving look. 

“Wasn’t it?” Shadowheart challenged. Saff didn’t answer, and just looked down to focus on the clothes she was washing. “You know, I’m surprised it’s taken you two this long. You’re both clearly interested in each other. So act on it.” 

Saff sighed, realising there was no point trying to pretend there wasn’t anything between them anymore.

“We are acting on it,” she insisted, trying to hide the slight blush on her cheeks. Shadowheart raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Half a dance is acting on it?” She said, a criticism more than a question. “Yes! It’s only been a few days!” Saff said defensively. “Plenty of time,” Lae’zel declared. Saff was beginning to feel a bit ganged up on. 

“Well, I want to take things slow, ok?” she said, hoping that would be explanation enough.

“Why?” Lae’zel asked. Saff might have got annoyed, but it didn’t sound like a tease like it would have done from Shadowheart - it was a genuine question.

“Well… sometimes if you take things too fast, that can ruin the relationship. I don’t want that.” 

“Why would it ruin the relationship?” she pressed. Her genuinely questioning tone reminded the others just how alien she really was to their world. 

“Because… you might end up in a relationship with someone you don’t really know yet. And they could turn out to not be the person you thought they were.” 

“Not the person you thought they were? Like someone in disguise?”

“No- no…” Saff said quickly, to the amusement of Shadowheart and Karlach. “I don’t mean literally, I mean, you might have this idea of them in your mind, of what they’re like. But then the more you get to know them, you realise they’re not like that at all, and that you’ve not actually fallen for them, but you’ve fallen for this idea you had of them that isn’t actually real.”

Lae’zel nodded slowly, beginning to understand. 

“Do you fear this is the case with Gale?” 

“Well, no… but I want to be sure,” she explained. It looked like Lae’zel was finally getting it, until she spoke again. 

“I still don’t see why this has to delay sex.” 

Saff despaired and buried her head in her hands. The other two laughed and Karlach finally sat up to give her input. 

“Some people don’t like having sex with someone unless they love them,” she said simply. Lae’zel looked almost disgusted by the suggestion.

“How ridiculous. You would miss out on so much of one of life’s greatest pleasures.” 

“I never thought I’d say this, but I agree with Lae’zel,” Shadowheart said, to Lae’zel’s surprise. “Short-term amusements are much better.” 

“Well, you guys can stick with your short-term amusements, I know what I want,” Saff said firmly. 

“Good for you, Saff,” Karlach said proudly. “You take as much time as you need, and don’t let these two tell you otherwise,” she said, gesturing to Lae’zel and Shadowheart. 

Lae’zel rolled her eyes. 

“How can you be sure you’re not wasting your time? You do not even know if he’s interested if you don’t make your desires clear,” she questioned. 

“Well… that’s all part of taking your time about it, to be sure you know they feel the same way. But I’m sure he’s interested. There’s been lots of times when we’ve been really close, way closer than just friends would.” 

“And those times have never led to anything?” 

“No. Usually either we get interrupted, or… he changes the subject or something, cause like I said, we’re taking it slow.” 

Lae’zel gave her a look. 

“How do you know he’s not changing the subject because he’s not interested?” she challenged. 

“Wha- I… I’m sure that’s not the case,” Saff said, though sounding rather more uncertain than before. It never took much to sow the seed of doubt in her mind. 

“You should strike while the iron is hot,” Lae’zel insisted. “Make sure he knows your desires, before he loses interest!” 

“I don’t think he’s going to lose interest,” Karlach started, “but I guess there’s no harm in making sure he knows how you feel.” 

“Karlach’s right. Plus, a small gesture to keep him on his toes can always be fun,” Shadowheart agreed. 

“You think? Like… what?” Saff asked, a bit unsure what she could do. 

“Pin him down and ravish him until he is so overcome by arousal he cannot refuse you your desires!” Lae’zel declared.

The others went silent, looking at her in shock. 

“...I was going to suggest a picnic,” Karlach said after a long moment. “But… I suppose that works, too.” 

“I’ll bear the picnic idea in mind,” Saff decided.