#mentally ill remus

[missmoonfrost]

Not tonight - a wolfstar short fic

Remus couldn’t sleep. He rolled over and curled up with his knees to his chest and the quilt over his head in a vain attempt to shut the world out. It soon turned uncomfortable and hard to breath.

It was only a few days since full moon, but it hadn’t been worse then usual. Nothing especially bad had happened. He could think of no real reason to feel this grumpy and anxious. He knew he shouldn’t bother Sirius. That he was being a needy brat didn’t mean Sirius shouldn’t get to sleep. But he felt so lonely…

Sirius lifted the quilt and wordlessly welcomed him. Remus carefully slid into place, trying not to disturb him too much. Sirius fingers started to trace patterns over Remus back, over his arms, down his chest. He pulled up close and whispered in his ear: "You are so sexy.”

Remus didn't feel sexy at all. This was one of the days he just felt worthless. He had hoped he would feel less awful, less lonely and misplaced, if he crept over to Sirius. But Sirius touch just brought it all to the surface.

"Not tonight. I'm too tired."

"Okay. We'll just sleep tonight." Sirius hands continued to paint circles over his chest. Sirius nose snuffled in his neck and ruffled his hair.

Remus chest tightened. Obviously, he was giving him the wrong impression. What had he expected, coming to Sirius bed at night? He got up.

"No, no, no. Wait!" Sirius grabbed his wrist. ”Where are you going?"

"I told you. I don't want to."

"Remus, that I find you sexy doesn't mean we need to have sex. Don't you want to sleep here?" Sirius let go of him.

"You're not disappointed?"

"No! Why would I be?"

"It's just... You always want to, and I... I say no all the time. It doesn't seem fair."

"Thats nonsense! Well, I mean... I would like to have sex you. But that means nothing if you’re not up for it. I'm so sorry if I've framed it any other way."

This was a useless argument. Sirius didn't get it. And Remus couldn't explain exactly what was wrong either.

He sighed and lay down beside Sirius again. "You sure?"

"Well, I can’t promise I won’t get a hard one with you next to me" he said in an attempt at joke that Remus didn't muster a smile for. "If that makes you uncomfortable, of course we can sleep separately. But if not, I would love if you stayed here and cuddled."

Remus wound his arms around Sirius and buried his face against his chest. "I love you."

Sirius pulled him close and delicately stroked his hair. "And I love you. So very very much."

Sometimes it felt like this. Like he would never deserve what he had. Like everything he did or said were somehow wrong. Like the world would be a better place without him.

He knew, logically, that it was temporary. He knew that he didn’t feel like this yesterday, or the day before that. But right now, it seemed this was the only true interpretation of the world, that every day he had thought he’d been happy had somehow been him gravely misjudging things.

He tried to have faith that the feeling, this time as well as every time before, would eventually subside. The arms around him were not enough to chase it away, but they made it easier to endure the waiting.

Sirius fingers gently swept tears from his cheeks.

"Want to talk?"

He shook his head against Sirius chest.

"Okay, baby. Then sleep."

Maybe Sirius didn't understand. Maybe Remus would never be able to properly explain it to him.

But maybe it didn't matter all that much. Because no matter what, even when Remus had nothing to offer, Sirius was always there for him.

[lee-isnotcool]

i can't decide if i'm in love with sirius black or just want to be him

[adharastarlight]

realising its almost october which is great because spooky season but also im a marauders fan.

[addsalwayssick]

The real way Sirius and James became friends

[Its cold outside, and James’s nose is bright red]

11 yr old Sirius: You look like Rudolph the red nose reindeer

11 yr old James: That’s hurtful

Sirius: Sorry

James: it’s okay

Sirius:

James:

Sirius: can we be best friends

James: sure

Sirius: okay

James: meet me at my house in 20 minutes

Sirius: i don’t know where your house is

James: oh right

James: go to the park and i’ll get you from there

Sirius: okay cool

James: cool

[peachesfuzz]

I want to kill myself. MY P U S S Y IN BIO

[lackadaisicallizard]

Canon Pete is dead, fanon Pete killed him.

Yes I’m unhinged, no I won’t be providing context.

@kat-m-toast @sebbianas

[hrlx23]

Remus Lupin

[jeansworld16]

I think a lot of people who have mental health problems like fan fiction because it gets them out of reality and feels like a safe space (I am also talking about my self so dont be mad this so just what I think)

[moonbcrry]

i have two midterm exam tomorrow, but i can't seem to stop thinking about barista!au and little coffee shop romances with my beloved marauders!! ughhh 😔🥺

[itsjustfire4]

Remus: *has OCD*

Sirius: *has ADHD*

Regulus: *has autism*

All of them: *can’t fucking sleep*

[missmoonfrost]

Physiotherapy - a wolfstar short fic

~ 800 words

TW: self-hate

"Get up and do your physiotherapy, Moony!"

"I don't want to." Remus sinks an inch deeper down into his pillow without looking up from his book.

"Madam Pomfrey says it's important."

"But it's boring."

"You can come work out with me?"

Remus sits up.

"Yeah? And pull my stupid rubber bands while you work out for real? Not embarrassing at all."

"Your body is just different than mine, that’s all."

"No shit." He rolls his eyes.

"You know I didn't mean like that. There's nothing wrong with your body."

"That's exactly what it is, something wrong with my body!"

Sirius sighs and sits down on his bed, straight across from Remus.

"There's no winning this one, is there?"

"No!"

"Babe? Are you crying?"

"Don't look at me!"

"Oh, babe, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... I'm so sorry."

Despite Remus' weak attempts to push Sirius away, he sits as close to the distressed boy as he can, wrapping him tight in his arms. It doesn't take long before Remus hugs him back and cries against his shoulder.

"Me and my stupid mouth", Sirius continues, still not entirely sure what he said wrong, but well aware this is a sensitive topic. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I don't deserve you. Sorry, I'm such a mess." Remus mumbles against his shoulder.

"Don't say that. I love you. I love your body. I love every scar."

Remus lifts his head and looks at him, smiling a little through the tears.

"I know you do. However vain I might be, that’s not it, really."

Sirius almost bites his tongue not to ask more, he just holds Remus tight, plays a little with his hair and waits for him to catch his breath, and collects his thoughts.

After a big shaky inhale, it comes. "Most werewolves don't live to be older than fifty. And as crippled as I feel now, what if I won't even be able to walk? And the pain, and... Almost every month it's something new. If it's not the back, it's a shoulder, or a hip, or a knee... I just don't want to think about it. As if I don't think about it all the time anyway. And then I have to add to that, once a day, and intentionally do something with my body that reminds me just how much I hate it?"

Sirius is quiet. He gets that, in a way.

"You hate your body?"

Remus shrugs. "I guess. I mean - intellectually: of course not. I like to live and breathe and whatnot. I just wish I'd have to think about it as little as possible."

"So, you, like, hate the experience of your body?"

Remus nods thoughtfully. "Yeah."

Sirius strokes Remus back, in quiet thoughts again.

"I think I have another sort of practice for you. No, hear me out! I think you really need to practice experiencing your body without hating it. How about once a day you should have a pleasurable experience with your body?"

Remis smirks and raises an eyebrow in a way that Sirius immediately catches on to.

"No! Well, yes, it can be that. But it can be anything: Taking a bath and, you know, trying to feel the water with your entire body. Eating something good and trying to taste all the flavors. Dancing and, ok, no, you hate dancing. But you get the idea?"

"Yeah."

"Could you give it a try?"

Remus winces a little.

"Please? I don't want you to hate your body forever."

Remus scoffs, but eventually smiles. "Ok. Sure."

“Ready to start right now?”

“Give me a minute to get in the mood and I’ll be ready”, he half-jokes and wipes his face.

“You’re hopeless. Going for the advanced stuff first ting.” Sirius half jokes back, “No, really. I mean this. Just lay down and let me kiss you, ok?”

His eyes search Sirius' face for sincerity, then nods once. “Ok. And I'll try to focus on the experience of being in my body while.”

Remus lays down and closes his eyes. Sirius sits beside him, leans in, and plants a kiss on his lips. A kiss on his chin. A row of kisses on his collarbone. He strokes his arm through the shirt. Kisses the back of his hand, then all the fingers one by one. In a way, it’s not very romantic. Remus is fully clothed and motionless. Sirius is gentle more than passionate. But in a way, it’s perfectly intimate, how Remus lays trusting and unguarded before him with heavy breaths.

When Remus' whole body is peppered in kisses and tender strokes Sirius draws back up only to see tears on Remus' cheeks again.

“You’re crying?”

“In a good way”, Remus responds and waits another moment before opening his eyes. “I think you’re right. I need this.”

“Then I’ll do it every day.”

[that-bitch-kat3]

sirius: not to self diagnose but something is definitely wrong

[saintchaser]

remus: you don't seem mentally stable, are you okay?

sirius: no but i have eyeliner so i'm infinite times hotter. sexyality over mentality you know

[eccentrichumanbeing69]

I feel like we as a fandom need to make wolfstar crazier

[teaformoony]

mary: anyone d-

remus: depressed?

james: drained?

sirius: dumb?

peter: disliked?

mary: done with their work… what is wrong with you people?

[cherries-and-knives]

If u count JK R*wlings bullshit as cannon…. ‘Almost’ by Hozier is Remus with Tonks

‘I’m almost me, she’s almost you’-the ‘you’ being Sirius

Anyways hope u listen to it and cry like I did :))