#non-SAM aroace

[rjalker]

[ID: The asexual, aroace, and aromantic pride flags next to eachother, with text over top reading, "Asexual and aromantic are umbrella terms that represent every single person who identifies with them. You do not get to tell people they don't belong just because they don't fit your personal arbitrary definitions of what asexuality or aromanticism 'really' are or 'really' include. You do not get to define other people's orientations or experiences for them. You do not get to tell someone that something is 'only' an aromantic or 'only' an asexual experience.". End ID.]

Stop telling people they're not allowed to tag their posts as "aromantic" or "asexual" or "aroace" because you have decided that their personal experiences have nothing to do with what they've tagged their own post.

You are not the arbiter of what aromanticism and asexuality "really" mean. They mean different things to every person who experiences them.

You do not get to force your arbitrary definitions of what an aromantic or asexual or aroace experience "really is" onto anyone else.

Stop trying to exclude people from the literal gods damned terms that represent the entire community because you think they don't fit into your arbitrary definitions enough to be allowed in.

If you hate the diversity of experiences in the aromantic and asexual communities, you have a personal problem you need to deal with. And you do not get to exclude anyone else because of it.

The split attraction model is not mandatory.

Stop erasing and speaking over non-SAM aros aces and aroaces. You literally do not get to define our experiences for us.

Stop excluding people from the community for failing to live up to your arbitrary and strictly defined definitions.

Exclusionism will never help anyone.

[aspecpridecalendar]

Happy Pride to all unit aroaces & non-SAM aroaces!

Unit aroace / non-SAM aroace - An aroace individual who does not use the split-attraction model, who feels their asexual and aromantic identities cannot be seperated from each other.

[arokalypse]

some arospec flag gifs below for your aro doomscrolling experience

[heartless-aro]

I see a lot of people in the aroace community on here talk about how we should have a pride gradient aroace tag, but I rarely see people bring up the possibility of other aspec pride gradient tags for identities of similar levels of specificity to aroace, like alloaro or alloace. As much as I would love to have an aroace colored tag, I think we’re setting our sights too low here.

[twigstarpikachutroll22]

Reblog for something aspec to happen to you this summer

[genderkoolaid]

hiii if you are aromantic/arospec and can take a bit of time to answer some questions about your experiences in the wider queer community, i'd really appreciate it. & if you are alloro please spread this around anyways!

[unrestrainedbalderdash]

Giving every aroallo, just aro, and non-asexual aromantic person a respectful nod, hug, high five, handshake, or smile

[cepheusgalaxy]

"So, you wanna make them ace?"

Asexuality 101: Making your characters asexual

Indroduction: Ok, so, from what I've seen in fandom and in general, most people don't really know how to write an asexual character. Many just quit it and make them allosexual, others just struggle their way without having much of a guide. Prime example is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel, whom many people want to involve in sexual scenarios so they go with the "asexuality is a spectrum" route. Problem is, they don't understand how asexuality is a spectrum exactly and then they just end up writing their characters as allo. Now, how to avoid this? Teaching them!

If you're looking for a good way to get started with your own asexual oc, an ace headcanon or a media charater, I've got you! (i mention sex briefly here in some parts)

My credentials: I'm ace.

The basics

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is generally defined by the lack of sexual attraction, or a very little amount of it. Sexual attraction is many times confused with libido, which is the sexual desire. Sexual attraction is more accurately, "the desire of having sex with this specific person." Therefore, some ace people do have a libido, and do want to have sex, but mostly are just not attracted to a person.

Myths and misconceptions

Asexuals can't have sex - as many shippers say, "asexuality is a spectrum", and while some aces don't have sex indeed, they can want it and have it as well. Person to person scenario

Asexuals don't know nothing about sex - unless the ace in question is a child, they probably may know, in fact, a lot. Many ace people like reading, watching or consuming smut, and by this and other means, even if they don't have sex themselves, they pretty much know how it is and how it works. Sex is everywhere, after all. Hard to miss

Asexuality is caused by trauma - it can be! Just not always, and most aces are simply born this way

Asexuality is a medical condition - much like homosexuality, asexuality is frequently treated as an illnes and many ace people are forced into conversion therapy. Some people also hold the belief that asexuality is caused by an anormality in a person's hormones, a mental illness, etc. But it is not true! Asexual people can obviously also be mentally ill in some way, but these are different things. It is just a sexual orientation like any other!

Asexuality is caused by HRT - hormone replacement therapy, ie. taking testosterone or estrogen, is one of the most common type of medical transition for trans people. Some hold the belief that taking hormones like those can "break" your sexuality (estrogen does sometimes decrease a person's libido, but it depends on the person's organism and it doesn't take your sexual attraction away from you), and turn you asexual

Asexuality is caused by autism - this myth may be originated from the fact that many autistic people are in fact asexual, or by the fact that both asexuals and autistic people tend to be infantilized a lot. However, as much as autistic people are very commonly also ace, asexuality is not, in fact, a symptom of autism

Basic terminology

Ace - short for "asexual".

Aro - short for "aromantic"; someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction, aka typically "doesn't fall in love".

Allo - somebody who does experience attraction. "Allosexual" is someone who is not asexual, and "alloromantic" is someone who is not aromantic.

Aspec - short for "a-spectrum". The a-spectrum is an umbrella term for anyone who is in any way ace, aro, aplatonic, afamilial, or other identities that fit here.

Acespec - short for "asexual spectrum/ace spectrum". It's a part of the a-spectrum and contemplates all asexuality.

Aesthetic attraction - finding someone pretty or beatiful, without necessarily wanting to have sex with them. Many ace people who didn't know they were ace report to having used to mistake it with sexual attraction.

Sensual attraction - similar to sexual attraction; the desire to touch someone, but without wanting to actuall have sex with them. Many ace people also confused this with sexual attraction.

Aphobia - discrimination against aspec people.

Amatonormativity- the belief that everybody is happier in a relationship, wether they want it or not, and should want and seek to be in one, and the general root of aphobia.

The Split Attraction Model

If you are looking on the ace community for a while, you might have heard of the split attraction model--if you haven't, here it is:

Image description: The Split Attraction Model, a cross chart inside a square, with four ends. The first end of the cross is labelled "ace", its opposite is labelled as "alloce", the third end is labelled as "alloro" and it's opposite is labelled as "aro". The section on the "alloro" and "ace" square is labelled "alloromantic asexual", the section in the "ace" and "aro" part is labelled "aromantic asexual", the section on the "alloro" and "alloce" square is labelled as "alloromantic allosexual" and the section on the "aro" and "alloce" section is labelled "aromantic allosexual". /end ID.

The split attraction model divides all orientations in four groups: The aroaces, the aroallos, the alloaces and the alloallos. It is usually shortened to "SAM".

Many people find this model useful, because it sorts your attraction into two groups: allo- and a-, and yes and no. It's simple and easy.

Many aces do not use this model to explain their attraction/lack thereof though! Hence the first distinction of aces we have here: SAM-aces and non-SAM-aces. Basically aces who use the Split Attraction Model and aces who prefer not to!

A non-SAM ace may define their asexuality as their romantic orientation as well, or label themselves differently altogether. While a SAM ace could call themselves an "asexual aromantic" or an "asexual alloromantic", a non-SAM ace could call themselves just "an asexual". In this case, they can be neither "alloro" nor "aro".

If your character is aware of their sexuality and identifies as ace, it's good to know wether they use the Split Attraction Model for themselves or not.

The spectrum

You may have heard that "asexuality is a spectrum" a thousand times, but what does it mean?

Just like "non-binary", "asexual" can be an identity on its own, but it is actually an umbrella term for a bunch of orientations. When we say that it is a spectrum, we are saying that there is Nuance. "Ace who doesn't date", "ace who dates", "ace who experiences just a little bit of sexual attraction", "aces who like sex" and so on. 'But Angel', you ask me, 'didn't you say that asexuality is when people don't have sexual attraction?' It can be! But there IS nuance, and that's what I am here to tell you.

There are two more factors beyond the SAM that you can consider:

"Are they sex repulsed, sex favorable, or sex neutral?"

Here is the "aces can still have sex" thing. A sex repulsed ace is probably what the majority of people think when they hear "asexual". It is an ace person who doesn't like sex. Doesn't want to have it, is disgusted by it, despises sexual intimacy, etc. They are the aces who tipically just don't want to have sex, and are very happy without it.

A sex favorable asexual is someone who likes it. Sure, they don't feel sexual attraction, but who's letting it stop them, right? They like sexual acts, they are fine and happy with having sex in general, and that's what the "aces can still have sex" point means. Yes, they can, if they want to! Maybe your character themself doesn't define themselves as neither repulsed nor favorable, but it's good to know what their instance on sex is.

Sex neutral asexuals are aces who are not repulsed by it, but are not really into it either. They may have sex, they may be fine with it, they may like it even, but they generally don't have a desire or strong feelings regarding it. It's just sex, after all.

Sex ambivalent asexuals are another thing I want to touch on. They are tipically aces whose instance on sex changes! Sometimes they may feel repulsed by it, sometimes they may want it, sometimes they may not care. They are neither strictly one, nor another. Their feelings change!

It's good to see where in this categorization your character or blorbo would be.

Inside the asexual spectrum, where do they stand?

If I were to represent the ace spectrum as a linear thing, I'd do it like this:

Image description: A linear representation of the asexual spectrum, in the shape of an arch. In one end, it is written "asexual", on the other, it is written "allosexual" and on the very middle, at the top of the arch, it is written "gray-asexual". /end ID.

or like this:

Image description: Another linear representation of the asexual spectrum. One of the ends is a black circle and the other is a white circle. Between them, a gradient goes from one circle to another, passing through different shades of gray. The black end is labelled as "asexual", the white end is labelled as "allosexual", and the gradient with shades of gray is labelled "different kinds of Gray-As". /end ID.

What is graysexual, you ask me? We all know that the world is not black-and-white, and as so, sexuality is also not. Grayace is a term for a person that is also asexual, but not strictly: that is, they are the "feels a little of sexual attraction" part of the spectrum. It is called like that because when we put asexual and allosexual in two ends of a spectrum, graysexuality stands in this gray area.

Gray sexuals may:

Experience sexual attraction only sometimes

Experience light sexual attraction

Experience sexual attraction under certain conditions in certain scenarios, for example, when they are already very intimate with a certain person

And many more! Graysexuality is on itself a spectrum, but having an idea of allosexual -> graysexual -> strictly asexual is already a good guide. Graysexuality can also be described as "having partial sexual attraction".

Fun fact about gray-aces: The asexual flag has four stripes; purple, white, gray and black. The purple stripe is meant to be a color signifier of the community, the white means allosexual, the gray means the gray aces and the black stripe represents people with strictly no sexual attraction. Hence the term "black stripe asexual" (which is not very popular but I personally like).

Micro-labels

You already have a basic understanding of the asexual spectrum and how it works, so you can think on where exactly in the spectrum your character/blorbo is. To help you out further, I present you the microlabels! Much like non binary is an umbrella term with many microlabels like genderqueer, xenogender and demigender, that help one explain their identity with more and more specific explanations, asexuals also have a lot of microlabels! Here are some:

Cupiosexual - asexual person that wishes to have a sexual relationship (example: i am cupioromantic person and i am basically a hopeless romantic and a yearner. cupiosexuality is similar, but with sex)

Gray sexual - asexual person with partial sexual attraction

Demisexual - asexual person who can only be attracted to people they already have a bond with

Abrosexual - person whose sexuality is fluid, and may be asexual at one time, bisexual at another, gay at another, etc.

Aceflux - asexual person whose sexuality changes, like abrosexual, but only between asexual identities

Aegosexual - asexual person who likes the idea of sex or fantasises about it, as long as it doesn't envolve them

Lythosexual - asexual person who is only sexually attracted to people they are not close with, and their sexual attraction fades out once the become closer

Myrsexual - asexual person that uses multiple asexual identities to describe their sexuality

Aroace - aromantic asexual person

Alloace - alloromantic asexual person

Apothisexual - sex-repulsed asexual person

These are not all micro labels in the asexual spectrum, but they are quite a lot. Maybe even if your charater is not sure if they are in a certain label or not, you may find them in some of these descriptions.

Links to resources with more microlabels: Tumblr post by @aroacesafeplaceforall (no images) /

/ A slightly longer list on asexuals.net (undescribed flags) /

/ Another guide for microlabels on lgbtqia.fandom.com (undescribed flags)

Bonus questions

Is it okay if I make my asexual character autistic? Is it not stereotyping? Yes, it's okay. There are actual asexual autistic people, and I'm sure they'd love to get represented as well!

Is it okay if I make my asexual character have sex? Is it not erasure? Yes, you can do that too! As long as it is where they stand in the spectrum (as explained in the topics above), you are doing a good thing by representing sex-favorable asexuals.

Do I have to make a romantic orientation for them too? No. Your character may be a non-sam ace, and identify as ace alone!

I heard that it is erasure if I make smut fanfic of ace character X. I don't get it how! While it is true many ace people have sex, many people when writing that just ignore their sexuality when writing/drawing smut of them! The spectrum is wide, so when you are doing that, remember where they stand on it.

Why can't I headcanon this ace character as allosexual? I headcanon straight characters as gay/bi/pan all the time and nobody says it's wrong! If people don't like my headcanon why can't they just look away? Because asexual people are a marginalized group, unlike straight people, so it is as okay to make them allo as it is to take an asian or black or jewish character and make them white. Because it is not just an individual headcanon; it's a part of a much bigger problem, and by avoiding headcanoning ace characters as allo, you are confronting your own internalized aphobia, which is a good thing! If you still want to make them have sex, well, that's what I made this guide for! So you can make them have sex as you wish without erasing their identity.

I am ace and am basing myself or my own experiences here. Is it okay if I...? The answer is generally yes. If you wanna write about a different ace experience than your own, a little bit of research won't hurt, though!

Is this enough for me to write my ace character? It is a start. This is a general guide, and there are some things I haven't touched on this guide (like aphobia) so I'd advice you to do more in-depth research on topics you want to focus more on, but this should get you pretty far.

Extra

"Is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel canonically ace or aroace?" (slightly related, because some people looking for this guide to write this guy might want to know this too)

Answer: link to a post clearing this up this with some sources. Short answer though, is that he is confirmed to be ace, not aroace.

"If I didn't understand something here, or I have more questions, can I ask you?"

Answer: Yes! You can reblog this post with questions, and my inbox is also open, and I make sure to always let anon on. I will be happy to help if I can.

"One of the image descriptions on this post was off or confusing, can you change it to X so it is better to understand it?"

Answer: Of course! I will need you to signal me in either the notes or in the inbox what I need to change, though.

"Are asexual people queer?"

Answer: Yes! Because the queer community, as the name suggests, is for people who are different, odd, and are not considered "normal" because of that. Asexual people are not a part of "the norm", because we don't feel sexual attraction, and therefore, we, and by extension your ace characters too, are queer.

<2

[rjalker]

"what does not wanting to date have to do with being ace?!?!"

"what does not wanting to have sex with people have to do with being aro?!?!"

The current amisic stance is just as ridiculous as it sounds.

It's 2024 and people hate aroaces and non-SAM aros and aces so much they're literally trying to define us out of asexuality and aromanticism because they want the asexual and aromantic tags to literally be For Allos Only. I'm not even fucking joking.

the split attraction model is not mandatory. You literally do not ever get to demand people use it.

The asexual tag is for literally every single asexual person in existance. Not just allo aces.

the aromantic tags is for every single aromantic person I existance. Not just allo aros.

You do not get to ban aroaces and non-SAM aros and aces from using the main general tags for the fucking community just because you're allo and completely separate your romantic attraction from your sexual attraction.

Your experiences are not universal.

There is no fucking definition in existence that separates sexual and romantic attraction.

You literally do not have the right or ability to define other people's orientations or experiences to them.

"well I can easily separate my sexual attraction from romantic, so that means everyone can!"

No we fucking can't and newsflash, asshole, we're literally not even required to try! No other fucking orientation comes with the demand to forcibly separate sexual from romantic attraction. The fact that you think it's okay to demand this of aspec people just shows you're blatantly amisic.

The allo aros and allo ace tags exist. Use them if you hate seeing aroaces and non-SAM aros and aces existing so much.

If you hate seeing posts in the aromantic and asexual tags that don't conform to your personal definitions of asexuality and aromanticism that is literally just too fucking bad. Suck it up you whiny fucking self entitled brat. The world does not revolve around you.

If you hate aces and aros and aroaces so much you want to define us out of the aspec community to make sure allos are the only ones allowed...you will be the laughing stock of the whole fucking community. Get over yourself.

[feltedflyingfox]

💜 Happy Ace Week! 💜

Have a master post of all my ace-spec pokemon stickers. I’m always looking to add more on, so suggestions are welcome.

If you would like to support a queer artist, you can find these designs here!

[aro-culture-is]

Non-SAM aroace culture is hating the double standard you’re held to where alloallo folks are allowed to talk about their romantic and sexual orientations as interchangeable/intertwined but if you talk about your relationship with sex as being a part of being aro or your relationship with romance as part of being ace suddenly people both inside and outside your communities suddenly start implying/outright stating that you’re being aro/acephobic for perpetuating harmful stereotypes. I just want to be able to talk about my experiences without needing to add a foot long disclaimer to every time!

*digital hug if you like those, or sympathetic nod if not*

[arokalypse]

made some flags wavy

Moving photos ahead with vibrant colors, can possibly cause eyestrain

So I made 2 versions for this lil wavey animation of some arospec flags. I made a new banner for myself and thought, wait a minute... so here we are

Aro Flag W A V E

Arospec Flag W A V E

Aroace Flag W A V E

Aroallo Flag W A V E

Non SAM Aro Flag W A V E

1 / 2 / 3🛠️

Free to use, pls lmk if something's wrong thank you <:D

[mathematical-cheese]

Please remember aroace and aroallo do not form a binary. There are people in between and people outside of it

[meltedwaxwingsneverfly]

Aros of Tumblr, I need quotes from you!!

Currently, my partner and I are working together to write about aromanticism, and we would like to include some of y'alls experiences with that. Your stories are important to us and to the process of spreading awareness of aromanticism.

With this book, we plan to focus less on scientific studies and moreso the personal. I am not a scientist nor will I ever try to be.

We want to focus mainly on what it's like being aro in an allo world, and so I encourage all types of aros to participate, regardless of your experiences. We won't be able to include everyone, but I'm hoping to quote a variety of you all.

I especially encourage non-aces to participate. I understand the struggle that comes with having our identity co-opted with asexuality while still being misunderstood.

Recently, I came to the decision to identify with the non-SAM aro label for this reason. We deserve to have the focus on us.

Now, that doesn't mean that I will turn away anyone who identifies as ace for this. That's not the point. I just wish to encourage people who may feel anxious about this book being focused on asexuality to feel confident in the possibility of having their aromanticism be the focus.

If you wish to participate, the form is linked below.

LINK

(Note: By filling out this survey, you are consenting to the possible use of your words and experiences in our writing. If you ever wish to rescind your answers, please DM me. We will not be using your quotes without contacting you first, with an excerpt of how it has been used. Thanks!)

I hope you are willing to share your experiences with us!

[bo-an-aro]

I’ve seen a bit of discourse on my dash lately concerning aspecs disrespecting each other’s boundaries and, for lack of anything better to do, and also due to personal frustrations on the matter, I figured I’d throw in my own two cents on the matter. The root issue is people always conflating aromanticity and asexuality; either mistakenly believing one cannot exist without the other also being present, or personally being unable to differentiate between them due to being aroace. The latter being perfectly valid, by the way. Although I technically also am bi, my aromantic identity is so overpowering that my bisexuality is little more than a footnote. I more commonly use the alloaro label. But because of this, I do find it annoying when I go browsing through the aromantic tag and am bombarded with asexual and/or aroace content. I’m looking for experiences like my own, after all, and although aros and aces have a lot in common, we are not exactly the same - a fact that non-sam aros and alloaros in particular still find ourselves having to defend from people who either don’t know any better or simply refuse to acknowledge it because they think sex without romance is a sin deserving of eternal damnation or whatever. You could say it’s a bit of a sore spot. I’m not begrudging aroaces their place in the aspec community, though. They belong. They deserve to share their experiences and find connections. Online spaces are for many people their only refuge and I would never want to take that away from anybody. But sharing a space with other people means respecting boundaries. Sometimes we’ll want to talk about certain topics and only want feedback from people who are in the exact same place. When others then chime in with additions that, though similar, are not fully and entirely related, it can feel incredibly invalidating, like they’re trying to derail the conversation - even if the intention was to bridge a gap and commiserate. It’s just not wanted, sometimes. So when someone asks people not to tag as ace or aro, but you’re aroace and cannot for the life of you understand why when the two are so closely intertwined in your heart - then that post is simply not for you. Even if you relate a lot. I’ve often come across posts from asexuals talking about their experiences and thought to myself, “Man, I feel that!” but I wouldn’t tag it as ‘aromantic’ if I were to reblog. Because it’s not. Please check the original poster’s tags and respect them. Simple as that. If you feel very strongly about it, remember that you are always free to make your own post and describe things from your perspective, and free to tag it as you like. Not everything is for me, and not everything is for you.

[chaotic-carnifex]

Today's aro mood is the sheer fucking relief of becoming aromantic