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bluewinnerangel · 3 years

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The big Kiwi talk

IT’S HERE. AND IT’S HUGE.

Dear many anons, I’ve kept you waiting there way too long my love. Also thank you @larrysballetslippers in particular for bullying me into releasing this thing hahahah. I’m SORRY. This has been sitting in my drafts unfinished for so so so so SO long because I wanted to do it right and I still don’t know if I did but enough is enough. This is a big big long big post about the song Kiwi. Lyric breakdown, time of writing, many possible meanings, song parallels, music video, you name it. I know Kiwi has been analysed a lot a lot and this is not an alternate reading to anything, this is putting many possible interpretations together at once. Really I’m gonna bring a whole lot into this. Maybe read it in a couple of sittings. It’s a lot to digest. Let's go! Kiwi Kiwi Kiwi wooo

Under the cut (I warned you it’s long):

~Disclaimers, feel free to skip~

All this should be obvious but with other analyses where I didn’t state these things I got a couple of responses that show I should have so blabla incoming:

Not trying to convince you of anything, don’t take things too literal, things can have multiple meanings, there are nuances to things even though I might fail to bring it in a nuanced matter sometimes. I’m nowhere trying to claim these interpretations are what he meant when he wrote this because how would I know (and people claiming other things don’t know either). Just decide for each thing if it makes sense to you, stay skeptical, crunch that brain and welp with this analysis you kinda have no choice this time because I’m giving a ton of different interpretations and they definitely don’t all fit together.

All that said this is coming from someone who is convinced Harry & Louis are together and the lyrics at the very very least are incorporating babygate so just get ready to have that in here loads. It’s also written with the assumption whoever reads this knows all about that. If not have this.

Song parallels disclaimer: with pointing out song parallels I’m not implying whichever song was written later is referencing the other one. I’m simply pointing out there parallels can be drawn and you can interpret it whichever way you like. Especially those between Harry’s and Louis’ lyrics it’s dare I say a realistic conclusion to draw that they are and will continue to have loads and loads of parallels in their work not because they’re doing it on purpose to relate to each other but because they’re going through the same stages together, hardships, and being exposed to the same shit over and over again, oh I don’t know maybe because they’re sharing a life. Although I do think some of the times they do purposefully leave lil nods to other songs because they are somehow related to the song they’re writing, and that sometimes those are each other’s songs, just know that when I point out a parallel that’s not because I’m thinking Louis’ music is based on Harry’s and vice versa or something. Ok got that out of the way.

Now really let’s go places:

Things known about the writing process

It was one of the first songs he worked on after 1D. We got footage of him singing it with long hair (gif above, credits here), so it was before may 2016, and this pic of I’m assuming the same moment:

He's said this about Kiwi:

"It started out as a joke, now it's one of my favorite songs. It's one of the first ones I wrote for the album, when I was getting out a lot of energy. I hadn't written in a long time and this is what came out of it." - here

There really isn't any other option to explain this song except for resorting to “haha jk lol” now is there?

“Getting out a lot of energy” I have trouble interpreting more than one way. I almost want to state it as a fact that it was him getting out a lot of frustration. Almost as if there was sOmEtHiNg really fueling this thing. I think the stuff he chose to get out there first as he went solo is very telling, with Kiwi being the 2nd released music video after Sign of the Times. He came out of 1D, went on a 6 minute strugglerant about being sad and stuck (in the industry/closet/his image) in a defeatist (but not entirely devoid of hope) kinda way and then followed it up with another 3 minute rant about losing it, shit happening around him driving him crazy, this is frustrating the fuck out of me I'm just gonna release that energy by yelling about the thing that frustrates me the most among all this bullshit over and over again let's go SHE'S HAVING HIS BABY AND IT'S OUT OF OUR HANDS yes this is how I cope. I don’t know if this needs to be said really but I do think it’s about that, about babygate. (also there’s this idea it’s written by louis and I think that doesn’t make much sense) It’s really in your face, it’s so obvious it somehow becomes hard to believe he really did that but I do think he really did. That said, it could be that it’s not just about that, that it’s about all stunts, stunts in general, or even the whole (media/industry) circus, and that it includes details of both of the messes he as well as the people he cares about were/are involved in with the main one, the most frustrating one, being babygate. Still there are bbg-free alternate interpretations that I’ll get to as well.

Kiwi lyric breakdown:

She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes

One line in and the scene has already been set: there’s a girl and she got no class.

There’s a lot of play on words in Harry’s songwriting and this song is no exception. So I already want to highlight the choice of the word “cheap” here and how it might be deliberate as later on there’s also a “business”, an “I paid for it/I’m gonna pay for this”, even the “cha-ching!”. He’s leaving a trace of a theme: money

Parallel: Night out and it's ten grand, headlines that I can't stand - Just Like You

Who is "She"? Let’s list a whole bunch of possible interpretations (and with that, that of the whole song):

It’s one specific girl the entire time as I’ve seen some not very deep interpretations of it being about ~certain girls he has been associated with~. And I’m not going into this whatsoever because NO

Still on that one girl, and the song is exactly what it looks like: a girl in da club every boy has got his eyes on, maybe not even anyone specific but a nice concept for a song with not much behind it (again, no.)

Still one specific girl the entire time, but yaknow babygate and first girl in line by a mile is definitely Briana, now we’re getting somewhere

an accumulation of girls he or those close to him have encountered that have had alterior motives (like stunts). That some lines include details of one of them and others being inspired by others.

the industry / fame / behavior of those in that world as a whole. The not-so-glamorous side of it that the insider, Harry, is seeing. Something looking great but it being a facade. Rock and roll, living fast, no real glory, hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect

Harry is She, Harry is always all the She’s (I’m not going into this but really you can kinda make it work)

Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect

Yeah so whoever she is, she's just smoking something and drinking something and she's not very smart either, he’s really not trying to paint her in a good light here.

I'm setting myself up here for another parallel: "Now we're saying goodbye, Waving to the hard times, Smoke something, drink something" in We Made It

And all the boys, they were saying they were into it

This of course is a way of describing this girl’s appearance/behavior is generally considered to be desirable. But! The ambiguity in this line I love so much. You can easily accept this as him insinuating he’s into it like everyone else and he’s one of the boys if you want it to. Orrr iiisssiiittttt?? He’s not saying he’s one of those boys. (Later on there is that “but I’m into it”, I’ll get to it.) All the boys, ya know the boys who like the girls, are saying that's what they're into. I'm not into girls, I have no clue, but look all the boys were saying they were so apparently this is of interest.

Parallels:

"The boys and the girls are in, I mess around with him/them, And I'm OK with it, I'm coming down, I figured out I kinda like it" - Medicine. I do think this is deliberate, although it doesn’t have to have the same meaning. But they seem to be written around the same time. It could be to weave songs (that were probably intended to be on the same album) together, just for the fun of it, or maybe even to use the same concepts for opposite meanings which I believe he’s done multiple times since (or all of the above, or none, who knows but the mermaid).

"told myself I kind of liked her" - Home. I know this line doesn’t look like much without context, but I think this line is vital to Home and its story, and that Home means a great deal to H, so, possible intentional parallel I’d say yes [please ask me about H vs home parallels] (this will come back)

And then another interpretation can be that “it” isn’t a woman at all, but a situation, a mindset, fame, this kinda lifestyle, *coughs* some “it” that has to end *coughs*, you name it.

Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck

Extension of the previous 2 lines, there's only a little bit of intellect up in that head on that neck there but at least it's something good to look at, or so I've been told.

Also it's really petty. To me this reads as ridiculously passive aggressive (not to mention the tone of this whole song, he's just aggressively screaming all of it), like he’s just focusing on the neck like he just wants to slit that throat.

She's driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it

On surface level he's one of the boys that's into this girl right? That's the obvious. That's what the song seems to allude to, the thing you conclude as a casual listener: there's a girl he finds attractive, as does everyone else, she's driving him crazy with it and he's into it. So in part I think some of these lines are written with that concept in mind, in such a way that it supports both that idea and what the song is really about. Here we got a very easy line saying he’s finding her attractive basically, orrrrr iiisss ittttttt

First tho: more parallels on HS1 with this with in Only Angel & Carolina, we got more girls driving him crazy by just being and he's oh so extremely into it. (not including Woman as he doesn't really seem to be much into it there) And I totally interpret these songs in different ways, I’m just saying, casual-listener’s (or aggressive het harrie making everything about girls would count as well I guess) level it’s these themes again and again.

But then there's that second layer, that’s the driving me crazy maybe isn't a positive kind of crazy. And the part where he’s into it could mean many many many things

I’ve also seen yet another interpretation that being into it means that he’s stuck in the situation that’s frustrating the fk out of him, he’s part of it, whatever it is. And then lemme just add Golden: when it ends, don’t wanna let you know. SOTT: they told me that the end is near, he just wants to *** **

Another interpretation could be that he’s just going along with the boys, because they were just now saying they were into it, but then he’s backtracking with adding a kind of:

I'm kind of into it

Oop there it is again, the same parallels as mentioned above but it’s getting worse with

“[all the boys said they were into her] I’m kind of into it” - Kiwi

"told myself I kind of liked her" - Home

"The boys and the girls are in, I mess around with them/him, And I'm OK with it, I'm coming down, I figured out I kinda like it" - Medicine

kind of. In the context of liking girls. Reminds me of them answering interview questions with shit like "I guess you could say that yeah" like.. Yeah KiNdA. But, not really maybe.

But also (I am GOING PLACES WITH THIS JUST STRAP IN HOLD ON TO YOUR GRANDMA)

I think songwriters sometimes are inspired by situations/events that don't really have a positive side to them but they add something positive to the song anyway ("but I like it" or they end on a twist where "but you came back to me" or someshit) otherwise the song isn't... fun... isn't attractive. The same goes for Stockholm Syndrome. So here it could be that this shit's just driving him off a cliff and he's losing it and that's just it, like he’s not into anything he’s just going insane but that won't do for a song, so he adds that he’s into that craziness.

It's getting crazy, I think I'm losing it, I think I'm losing it

when 2 excessive gifs, one painful one and a bear say more than a thousand words

Oh, I think she said "I'm having your baby, it's none of your business"

Here of course we need to talk about the main message of the song, the elephant in the room, considering he wrote this song in the same months his enemy and other half of the horrible conspiracy that ruined their friendship had a "baby" that was also a huge target of another horrible disrespectful conspiracy and it really does seem none of his business doesn't it? Sorry but if this song is about anything but that and the having a baby is an analogy of literally anything else, that's one hell of a poor word choice then isn't it? There must have been someone, just at any point any point at all in this whole songwriting process going don't you think this is gonna come off as .. ya know.. that? Don't you think there was someone, anyone, at any point going like, hey, so, you know the only baby born in your near vicinity as far as fans know recently is that kiddo from that dude people think is secretly actually dating you like you're not being the most considerate of that baby and that family there maybe like but idunno it’s your choice. ?????

Aaaanyway, lyrically it's smart again: he goes "oh I think she said" as it's a double-triple-down on the I got nothing to do with it: “I think", like I don't even know, "she said”, so it's a woman saying something to someone, not even necessarily to him, it's like a telephone game indirect uh I guess that's what's going on. And then literally "it's none of your business", the 3rd indicator that the "you" (person “she” is telling she’s having his baby to) as well as the "I" (singer), whether that's the same person or not, got very little to do with the endeavour.

And not just that, but the way he decided to describe it's got nothing to do with him / he's got no say in the matter is interesting too: “it's none of your business”. That's it. It's business, it's a business, it's money. Someone is having someone's baby and it's another person’s business. It's a moneymaker. That's what it's for. Case closed.

Now okay let's just consider alternate explanations, let's just consider he doesn't give a poopy about babygate, this got nothing to do with that, then what is it? (also always consider it can be multiple of these things, really why not both, why not all) "having your baby" could also be a way to describe things being said about him in the media, as it’s just one of those celebrity rumors that fly around. (How many times has Jennifer Aniston been pregnant again?) I tried. And it even makes sense. I can try again: it could also be that “your baby” is the records he makes, and that “the suits” or whatever you wanna call it then take it and turn it into their business, take something he “birthed” to make a profit. And very successfully I might add. Both of these are entirely valid explanations and do make a lot of sense to me but also both of these could have been described in many other ways, yet he chose this. As I said above, if he meant either of these and definitely not bbg, that I’m wrong about everything and whatever narrative was being pushed about Louis’ life at the time (and still) is actually real (but I don’t think it is) then what an orrible orrible word choice this is.

~Drugs mentions coming up~

2nd verse:

It's New York, baby, always jacked up

Holland Tunnel for a nose, it's always backed up

Ok imma bring so many interpretations into this it’s a mess and imma pretend turning it into a list is somehow fixing that here you go:

First and easiest is that it’s just a coincidence and H is just totally awkward random, is that NY’s the place where you go when you want to make it big, where you got aspirations to be somebody, where you go on your chase for fame. I rarely think name-dropping people and places are to be taken literal, especially not in Harry's vague mess so I don't really consider "He was in New York with a girl and that girl told him that she's having his baby" as an option here.

“Jacked up” is just a way to say someone’s full on drugs, so this person or lifestyle is never sober, so yeah themes here are money, drugs, and alcohol, which I think would describe the musician/hollywood lifestyle. There have been and are many many many many musicians out there writing about that life in this way.

Did I say she’s always full of drugs yet? Lemme just emphasize: nose always backed up

He really didn't back down with the the cokesniffing sniff right there in the song either, in case it wasn’t clear what that nose was doing.

He keeps describing this woman who is claiming to be pregnant as taking substances you shouldn’t be taking when pregnant. Possibly helping to describe she actually isn’t.

A person’s chase for fame (NY mention) just consisting of partying, just doing coke basically all the time (always jacked up / nose always backed up).

There's some HS1 song-linking going on here:

Ever Since New York. Same as in ESNY, he drops “New York”, then drops a more specific well-known part of NY (Brooklyn/Holland Tunnel). He only uses NY twice in his songwriting, here and ESNY, which are snuggling on the tracklist. Got a couple of theories here. (disclaimer again, if you think ESNY is about his stepfather and don’t feel like it’s up for debate, that’s fine, stay there and just skip this bit. If you’re open to alternate interpretations read this) So he's going insane in Kiwi and then he hits his lowest low right after in ESNY. I think first of all using the same keywords across songs on an album just helps create a whole, he weaves these songs together. Or it’s worse and the NY in ESNY = the NY in Kiwi, again again that sounds like ridiculous farfetched bs if you think ESNY must be about dealing with bad news about a family member and kiwi is definitely not that and yep here’s that link again but I don’t think it is, I think that in both songs “New York” describes either fame or is a nudge to another stunt.

Carolina - coke. But also screaming about a "she" that drives him crazy :) Harry you're driving me crazy :)

Ok now for the next line

When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus

Imma drag so many things into this just... like take a break, get some water, this is a mess. HAVE FUN. Anyway so. many. interpretations:

This girl when alone goes home to a dry prickly ornament. Like she's got nothing there, really only just a plant and not even one that requires love and attention either.

This is pretty much telling that she's not going home with him / he's not going home with her right? If this song is about some attractive femme fatale that Harry's into and has had interactions with to the point where she could be telling him she's having his baby, then, what's this sentence doing here? Like what's the point of this sentence if it's about that.

Song parallels:

It's kind of the opposite of Home. You'll never feel like you're alone, I make this feel like home.

She’s alone <> Harry’s never to be felt like he’s alone She goes home to a cactus [her home’s empty] <> Harry has someone making whatever *this* is feel like home [his home’s not empty] (and yes that’s a blatant assumption Home is directed at Harry, to me that was already clear and then he just piled on Canyon Moon on top of that so eh)

There's some song-linking mess within HS1 here again, with all the girls and their homes:

When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus, in a black dress, she’s such an actress - Kiwi

Couldn't take you home to mother in a skirt that short, But I think that's what I like about it - Only Angel

She's got a family in Carolina, So far away, but she says I remind her of home, Feeling oh so far from home - Carolina

But there’s another mention of Home on this album and that’s Harry having a Sweet Creature bringing him home instead:

Sweet creature, Wherever I go, you bring me home - Sweet Creature

What to do with this info? I uh.. can go places: girls are going to their homes, he’s going to his? But common word common theme, right?

now for the cactus

Cactus, dry. Harry wet. Cactus dry Harry wet. CACTUS DRY HARRY WET. (just imagine me saying this like GAVE ME COOKIE GOT YOU COOKIE like this scene in new girl)

Harry seems to thrive in wet, just, at all times throughout all his work. He's consistently putting himself or things he cares about in water, there's this just e x c e s s i ve need to put water everywhere, to be just a nautical anchor holding looking for his sailorman diving into deep ends, plunging in, seemingly preferring to drown over any other type of hurt, not to mention the only depiction of his uh mate in his work is a fish, it just goes on, everything is wet wet wet. So yeah cactus? Not his thing. Not his place, not his home, he got nothing to do with a cactus. Harry is kelp. Seagrass. A water lily. A lotus. The opposite of a cactus.

But I got another interpretation. Soooo cacti are associated with... how do I say this, dry desert-typey landscapes... otherwise barren lands right?. That, how would you say, don’t need much fertile grounds. That don’t .. eh... Barren.

Desert. Barren. Unfruitful. Infertile. Empty. Not Pregante. Not pragnent, no pregonate. NO PREGGERS.

I also think mentioning over and over again that really all this girl is doing is smoking, drinking, and seemingly permanently on drugs is a pretty good indication that she’s not really having someone’s baby I mean you don’t need a cactus to tell you that

(I'm secretly hoping you kinda went holy fucking shit there because I did I mean we know but pff)

In a black dress, she's such an actress

Black dresses I do associate with club goers, party girls. And welp pair that with she being such an actress, some bearding/PR stunt involved female vibes here

The black dress can also refer to a lyric (I’m aware little black dress exists but not sure if I can do anything with that info; also might as well state here that any lyric may refer to another lyric anyway) or a specific person / situation

Then I do have to mention there has been someone parading around with baby bumps in black dresses not that long before this was written... But I am very weary of these kinda pretty literal interpretations, he does seem petty af here so wouldn’t put it past him.

“she’s such an actress” is a good way to say she’s faking it, tying in with the previous line, how many ways is that now you can interpret things here as him saying someone’s saying she’s pregnant but she isn’t actually? So just a little recap:

When she’s alone she goes home to a cactus, in a black dress, she’s such an actress = She’s faking it in a black dress and when there’s nobody around she’s clearly not pregnant. hmm.

Moving on, 3rd verse:

She sits beside me like a silhouette

Some girl-im-associated-with-but-idk-her vibes. This makes me think of photos of public figures supposedly having whatever type of relations and photos of them are placed side by side in articles and such.

It’s also pretty much in line with the “she’s driving me crazy but I’m into it” interpretation of not being able to escape this situation he’s in, he’s into it, part of it, she’s always there like a shadow (silhouette beside me) and it’s frustrating the fk out of him.

BUT I GOT ANOTHER INTERPRETATION AND THIS IS GONNA GET A BIT WILD and nasty:

Silhouette/shadow/synonyms of these can also be analogies of public images vs their true selves, they’re two dimensional mirrors/reflections, not them but look like them etc. But I don’t see how that makes all too much sense in the context of the rest of the song unless this verse and this verse only is doing something else entirely. Which is possible? It’s a mess, but here we go:

Then with that said I can bring in some more parallels: this kinda somewhat mirrors “Who’s that shadow holding me hostage” - Stockholm Syndrome (it’s only shadow vs silhouette really) and even “beside you I’m a loaded gun” - No Control which.. I mean only works if you view those songs as being related (which I do) and also become a bit less of a joke when you get to the next line:

Hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet

Oh so Hard like the loaded gun and then candy like the sweet treat that is “Sweet where you lay / Sweet and Sour, I devour” - No Control?

and it’s also.... dripping things... onto his feet.. Yaknow.. the ... medicinecandy that’s dripping out of.. something..hard... throw in a foot fetish while we’re at it

...

With the amount of lyrics (and what he’s said in interviews, and just done, just behavior in general) that can double as something dirty I wouldn’t be suprised. But does it fit the song? I guess it could. It could be like Stockholm Syndrome / No Control and even Kill My Mind and Back To You, which you can all read as having that double meaning of being stuck / not having control over the difficult and frustrating situation they’re in (being the in the crazy music industry / PR shit / fame / you name it) but also about a uh..? ~not boring~? let’s put it like that? relationship, or even both simulaneously: Like this shit is killing me but ~the things we do behind closed doors~ serve as an antidote and help me feel better. Maybe, maybe not. None of these lines are all too convincingly alluding to that on their own but there seems to be a bit of a pattern here right? she says while trying to ignore the 6 years worth of footage of them being nasty right in front of our salads.

Also “till my feet are wet”, they were dry but the hard candy is making them wet. Like I said before harry’s thing is wet, which helps the idea this is a positive bit right? Possibly? I need this distraction from this situation until my feet are wet, till im comfortably put back in my element which is water.

Harry’s somewhere out there laughing, literally meaning some random girl just dropped some candy on his toe and here I’m coming in with 28 diffferent interpretations....

Aaaaaanyway stepping away from that wild stuff, back to Kiwi alone. Since there’s such a big theme of substance (ab)use, I didn’t even go over the more obvious “candy” definitely at the very least doubling as a synonym for drugs again (and with that “hard candy” being hard drugs).

It’s also a movie and a whole different meaning there I don’t wanna get into

Also I think it’s funny that he mentions a cactus and then wet feet because that’s what it’s called when you overwater your plants and killing them that way, the fast route to killing a cactus via rootrot.

And now she's all over me

I can't contain this anymore I'm all yours, I got no control, No controooohoohool, poooooooowerless and I don't care it's obvious, I just can't get enough of you I got noooo control I mean yes this is probably bullshit but it keeps checking out lol.

Casual’s listener interpretation I’m not even sure is worth mentioning, that a girl is literally on top of him.

And of course it just fits with that concept that she’s driving him insane, that she’s just all over his mind, that the situation is consuming him.

Another interpretation could be that her name is linked to his everywhere he goes (thinking about 1D times where interviewers kept bringing up girls he was associated with over and over again).

it's like I paid for it (cha-ching)

There are SO. MANY. INTERPRETATIONS. HERE.

Paying for it = buying it. Like, are you buying it?

Are you believing she's all over him?

Or, are you believing all these stunts?

paying for it = that money theme again. CHA-CHING, cash, big moneys, it’s a business.

Also “it’s like”, so kinda, so, not really again? she’d be all over me as if i paid for it, but I didn’t really?

Also a bit of a clever insinuation that we’re dealing with a prostitute here right? Just for the fun of it? Or another clever wordplay, because while prostitute means “to offer for sexual intercourse in exchange for pay”, it also means “to put oneself to an unworthy or corrupt use for personal or financial gain“, for the 28th time insinuating that this girl is doing classless shady shit. (I hope it’s clear I’m not saying sexwork is something negative, it’s definitely not)

It's like I paid for it, I'm gonna pay for this

The wordplays are coming out of my pores by now, so here he flips the words around, going from “as if I was paying for it” to “I’m going to be paying for this”. This could be “You thought I was already suffering the consequences for this no no that’s nothing, I’m still going to” Or it’s even literal and he means he’s going to have to be putting money into something. Or you know totally awkward random who nows.

I personally choose to interpret this line as I'm gonna have to face some kinda backlash with this song, people are gonna be talking about this in a way others are not gonna like, yep is gonna have some effect oopsie but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Sooooooo I think that concludes the lyric breakdown I didn’t totally spend more than a month on.

yeah that was a lot... and we’re not done.

Meaning of “Kiwi”

And then after all that this mfer had the AUDACITY to call it Kiwi. WTF is that? Why? How? When???

Possible meanings:

KIWI like an abbreviation, what was the joke again, Kendall I Wasn’t Interested? Lol.

Kiwi, the bird:

Bird is a word for “girl”, I don’t recall if he has addressed girls as birds before but Louis definitely does (it’s a common way to say girl in northern england if I’m not mistaken).

It’s also more specifically a bird from New Zealand, so there’s some interpretations that he’s talking about certain people that are from NZ, like Dan Wattpad, but I’m not that set on that idea.

A Kiwi’s a flightless bird and he has used (not) flying/being in the sky, being birds, and bird(cage) tats, so it could signify once again not being able to fly away and stuck in this mess ('but I'm into it')

If you’re a bird I’m a bird, have some birdy bird posts, thank you @ladychlo and @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk for feeding me with these kinda posts nomnom

Kiwi, the fruit.

His whole fruit aesthetics didn’t come in until the FL era (if you excuse the bananas), I don’t think he really meant to throw a fruit in there just because it’s a fruit, but who knows.

~still on the fruit, but now it’s time for a biology lesson:~

related to fertility (again), the inside of a kiwi resembles sperm trying to fertilize the female egg cell:

But wait! There’s more! Harry possibly being at it again and just meaning something dirty: Kiwi’s can be compared to balls (testis) too, I mean just the Kiwi on its own being a hairy ball yay for that, but it also looks like a cross-section of the (I’m trying hard here to use layman’s terms) tubes that produce the sperm. Here are links to a blog demonstrating that perfectly. For those who don’t get it, these are pics of kiwi slices with microscopic images of testis tube slices shopped into it:

My two favorite worlds combined. It’s even purple too so this can’t get any closer to my very specific personal vibe right here. What’s your vibe you say? Explaining purple sperm thanks to Harry Styles yep that’s it. What’s a song analysis without throwing in a biology lesson (Luckily we’re not breaking down anything Kurt Cobain or we’d be here forever).

But let’s move on, to the music video because nope nope this shit just goes on.

Music Video

I can’t write this massive post and not go into the music video, because what the hell, a cakefight with children in suits and puppies while yelling someone having a baby is not someone else’s business? Yeah that’s Harry Styles for you.

This kind of “weirdness” makes me think of one of his favorite songs, Flowers in the Window, which has a very particular music video (with pregnant women no less) that just descends into an almost psychedelic weirdness (thanks @wishingicouldfly for talking about this hah) and doesn’t seem to have much to do with the song itsself, or does it?

Maybe first the buildup to the MV, the teasers on social media, in order:

28 kids if you don’t include Harry and his mini-me ok yep that’s fine.

mini-me of long hair era Harry got it? yeah got it.

Harry be like STRONG asdkjahskdjh

Don’t laugh (please laugh) but this reminds me of this

It’s 90% just that girl wearing the same kinda Louis Bert shirt

(can you tell even I am going ENOUGH IS ENOUGH with this post please im pasting bert memes here)

Let’s also not neglect to mention the fact that his mini-me is a girl

This lil puzzle crazy mfer probably did some annoying[affectionate] shit with the amounts of times there was “KIWI” across all these and that will probably haunt me forever but

nuh-uh mfer not going there nonono.

Just one more thing before we get into the video:

harry be like mirror mirror on the wall who is the biggest bluegreener of them all

Anyway onto the video, unfortunately I’m not done with the wild larrying because the first 4 shots, can’t make this shit up, are this:

Mini-Harry in the bluegreen suit barging in through the nice blue door into the nice blue hallway, nice school you got there

nice blue cupcakes you got there

then the very next frame (0:12) we get the lil STRONG bluegreener boi with the turquoise cupcake

Cut to just his face and his blue shirt, he angry

Followed by another kiddo, in a green shirt this time, also angry

And then we just get to a whole bunch of images of cakes and kids, but yeah just saying those are the first images, juuuuuuuuuuuuuust pointing it out, nice coincidunkirks. It’s not like they’ve been aggressively bluegreening before and since nono.

So then mini Harry enters the room, they’re about to start the fight, it’s a buildup to it

for some reason this lil dude is highlighted a lot:

And this guy gets to say “what the fudge” hehe:

And then they fight, fightyfightyfighty, until mini-Harry runs out of ammo (cupcakes) (1:50):

Runs to the cake pile for more, then soldier manoeuvres (whatever that move is called) her way out of there like she’s evading bullets (managing to draw SOTT parallels because I like the pain)

but looks defeated, and that’s the moment now-Harry? Short hair harry? Big Harry? whatever actually Harry enters the room with a puppy.

2015 harry Mini-harry looks up to him like she’s saved pretty much.

And then there’s just a bunch of chaos with children and cakes and puppies and at the end we get the smirk

Also the full image of all the kiddos at the end with the lil vertical stripe’o’bluegreener in the middle:

Interpretation, I guess. Although, it isn’t much, not compared to the lyric insanity above:

I’d like to think he just went fuck it I want a cakefight and puppies and so it shall be. Lighten the mood of what has fueled Kiwi into existence, turning it into something cute, innocent, sweet, etc.

But ok I’m calling this the big talk so I gotta go places with this, one clear theme is kids, human kids and puppies. They were only kids trying to work it out WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME STOP (do have a parallels post about this tho) with a very obvious younger version of him, the little long haired girl, made extra double triple clear by wearing the same suit as him, this is long-haired harry. Another clear theme is fighting, half of the MV is spent preparing for battle and then it descends into chaos. So this could be the most lighthearted analogy you’ll ever see of well.. his/their ongoing battle with *all the bullshit*.

Also we gotta go here right, gotta go here... can’t leave it out, bunch of kids in a gay club being themselves before all the shits goes to shit:

I can’t even watch this

youtube

tag of posts about this I still dont know how to link a tag in a way it works on mobile sorry if you’re on mobile

I also want to share this post about his live performance of Kiwi. I do think he pours out a certain type of energy that isn’t comparable to anything else, something that doesn’t happen with any other song. But I haven’t had the opportunity just yet to experience this myself, of course there are tons of videos, but I’m sure it’s different, so I’ll let that post tell it all.

Anyway, last point, about him singing it live, is how he decided to end HSLOT on July 14, 2018 (July 14 you say, end on July 14? really? you wanna end the tour, end it, on july 14? okay. okay. no. that’s fine. yeah this is fine too. oh yeah just bzz again in 2020 why don’t you. It’s fiiiine), and end it on singing Kiwi 3x. His entire god damn tour he ends it on screaming the “I’m having your baby it’s none of your business” song three times in a row on the three year “anniversary” of the start of babygate?

And with that this analysis. Thank you for reading I hope it was a good one <3

Read my other song analyses here

#kiwi #kiwi analysis #i did it #it only took 57 years of my life #smart things with lyrics #welikeparallels #tw: drugs #tw: sex mention #i mean kinda #its not really safe #ehm #gayvinci code

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rommahh · 3 years

Text

I Carry Your Heart

Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 4k

{Ahhhh ok so this is my first work like ever. There will definitely be a second part because ive got more to say and it needs a second part. I hope whoever sees and reads this imagine enjoys it. I appreciate comments, likes, reblogs, ideas on what could go into the story, and any form of help and redirection as to how i should write things. Much love, R.}.

Part two

All Y/N wanted tonight was to hang out with her boyfriend, eat a mass amount of junk food, and watch a marvel movie or two. That was all she wanted and that was all she asked of her boyfriend. Instead of any of that happening, she found herself sitting on the nasty kitchen island of her boyfriend's frat at a party that she was trying to avoid going to.

This party was supposedly ‘the party of the year.’ The last rager before finals and then christmas break. Y/N had spent the whole week studying and finishing up end of semester projects hence the want for a chill night. When Harry came to her saying his frat was throwing a party tonight and that he just HAD to be here, Y/N didn't feel like she had a choice but to let him go. She came because she thought this would be the only time she would be able to have some time with Harry after a long week of barely seeing each other. With two vastly different majors, the couple wasnt able to find a lot of time in the middle of school work to make time for just the two of them. Obviously her hopes of quality time with her man were futile because here she was sitting by herself in the kitchen of the frat while Harry drank and got high with his friends in other parts of the house.

Of course she was disappointed. She felt a knot in her throat and a weight on her chest just sitting there in that kitchen. Her white claw was warm now- not that it was any cold when she opened it. She was starting to form a small headache from the too loud music and the ache in her heart was growing.

She stood from the countertop on the search for her boyfriend, hoping he wasn't too far gone from sober. Wiping the back of her jeans from anything that was left on the island, she began walking around the house. She doesn't remember the last time the two of them spent time together by themselves. Of course they occasionally ate dinner together in the dining hall but they were normally surrounded by friends. Y/N wanted to be alone with her boyfriend to talk and bask in his presence.

After pushing through groups of partying humans, she found Harry and at least ten other people sitting around playing some sort of drinking game.

“Y/N! Where have you been?” Luca, one of Harry's frat brothers yelled out to her from the circle. Luca was cool, he was one of the only tolerable boys in this frat aside from Harry. Hearing his girlfriend's name, Harry turned around from where he sat on the ground and reached out for his girlfriend to sit beside him. Much to Y/N’s dismay, Harry was wasted. His eyes were half mass and his words bumped and slurred together. “We are playing truth or dare, wanna play?” Luca asked.

“I don't wanna play but Ill sit and watch.” Sitting next to her boyfriend, she grabbed one of his hands holding it in her lap. She was annoyed at him but it did her no good to show it when he was this drunk.

This game of truth or dare was childish. Dares of licking people's shoes and taking multiple shots had been done and truths about money and relationships were being spilled among the group. It had finally become Harry’s turn to do something, making Y/N tense.

“Ok Harry, I dare you to…” One drunk frat boy started looking around the room trying to come up with something clever. His eyes landed on a pretty girl in the room, Yara, a stuck up girl who for sure got her way no matter what. “I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room- obviously not your girlfriend because that defeats the purpose.” The frat boy smirked knowing what his intentions were. Everyone in the group giggles and gasped shocked by the dare but ready to see what was going to go down. Y/N’s brows furrowed as she became angry with the stupid dare.

The ache in her chest seemed to tip over the edge when she felt her boyfriend in the room move to stand up. She grabbed at the bottom of his shirt as a way of stopping him. Harry halted his movements to look down at his girlfriend. He giggled a little.

“You’re not actually going to do this right?” She asked Harry with wide eyes of shock. Harry laughed at her like she made a joke, making her heart hurt even more.”Harry I do not want you to do this just take the shot and lose the dare.” Her tone held warning.

“Don't be silly of course I'm going to. It's just a dare, nothing serious. Don't be so clingy.” He stood walking over to Yara and planted a wet kiss on her mouth. Yara gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him harder. The kiss went on for a few more seconds, the room absolutely silent out of shock. Harry stepped back from Yara slightly sobering up from his actions. Yara smirked at Y/N, hand gliding down the front of Harry's shirt.

Y/N stood from the seat she was in and scoffed. Scoffed because she should've known Harry would do something like this. Scoffed because it hurt to see her boyfriend do something so careless without any regard for his girl's feelings. She pulled herself together, feeling her throat tighten once again. She was quick to leave the room and down the hall of the frat.

Harry's clumsy steps could be heard from behind her as he mumbled her name. Or at least he tried to. He was still so out of it, his words not making much sense. Y/N was crying now, the strength that she had slowly dissolving as she walked further away from her boyfriend.

“Y/N wait. P-please wait. I cant-” Harry stumbled over his legs behind her falling into the grass of the front yard. The girl couldn't help but turn around looking at her stupid boyfriend. She was choking on sobs now. She wasn't crying over a measly little kiss but over an extreme amount of burnout from school and exhaustion from simply existing. She was crying because her boyfriend ignored her boundaries, crushing and erasing the boundaries she had set in their relationship. Harry tried reaching for her once she had stopped walking. His hand clasped around her wrist, he laid his head down on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry even if he was too drunk to see why.

“Baby don't leave, Im-Im Sorry.” He hiccuped and burped due to the alcohol. Y/N felt her rage build. Shoving Harry off of her, she crossed her arms across her chest as a way to shield herself from Harry physically. He was hurt by her distance and the wall she put up around her.

“You're an idiot Harry. An idiot!” her sobs grew louder, some stray party goers watching in amusement- some even snapchatting it for shits and giggles. “I didnt want you to kiss her and you did. What provoked you to think that was ok? All I wanted was for us to hang out tonight and just be us and you did this!” She was yelling now. Her hurt is beyond her now. Anger and rage simmered throughout her body making her head dizzy and her fingers curl within themselves. She didnt like being angry. It wasn't an emotion she liked acting on, it felt impersonal.

“Baby I don't under-” Before Harry could finish his sentence he was barfing at his feet. Y/N stepped back disgusted with her boyfriend. She couldn't even feel remorseful because of how angry she was. Luca, the frat brother from earlier, caught up with Harry and his girl only to find Harry doubled over heaving. Luca wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I'm sorry Luca but I can't do this tonight. Can you please make sure he gets some water and goes to bed. I-I can't do it tonight, I wish I could but I can't.” Y/N didn't want to leave her boyfriend in this state but she didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to care for her drunk boyfriend when all she wanted to do was care for herself. Selfishly, she enjoyed seeing him this way because of the anger he caused her.

Luca shook his head in understandment. “Of course, I'm really sorry for tonight. He's going to seriously regret this in the morning, especially since it will be circulating all over snapchat in the morning.” Luca waved to Y/N then proceeded to pull Harry into the house. Harry called out for Y/N not wanting to be away from her but Luca pulled him harder.

Harry woke up the next morning feeling like the bottom of a dumpster. He wasn't shocked by that. He knew he got trashed last night, he had planned to. He, just like Y/N, spent all week studying and completing projects while also fulfilling certain responsibilities for his frat. He wanted one night to be a normal teen. So he drank and drank and drank and maybe even smoked some weed. As he tried to recall last night's events he came up with nothing. He didn't understand why Y/N wasn't here with him like she normally would after a party on the weekend. They were normally always together during the weekend. A bad feeling loomed over him. He could tell something wasn't right but decided to put his feelings to the side.

He saw a bottle of water beside his bed making him think she was probably here and left early. Chugging the water he started to go through his socials to see if anyone had posted about the party. He had multiple tagged pics and videos in his notifications from snapchat. Way more than he normally would.

The first video he saw was a video of him and Y/N standing in the front yard of the frat house. Turning the volume all the way up he could hear Y/N yelling, it shocked him. She doesn't normally raise her voice, especially not at him. The angle changed showing her face which was red with anger, eyes filled with unshed tears. He could hear her yelling about him kissing someone else. He felt his heart stop. He had kissed someone else? On the next snap was a picture of him keeled over vomiting on his shoes with the caption saying, ‘are yall seeing this shit?’ Harry was embarrassed but he was more concerned than anything.

His head was hurting but it didn't stop him from rolling out of bed, washing up, and putting on a fresh set of clothes. He checked his phone hoping Y/N had messaged him but nothing was there. He walked into the kitchen only to see luca sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“Hey Harry….” Luca said warily. Luca pushed the cereal around his bowl feeling the tension begin to rise in the room. He felt horrible about his friends.

“Luca...what's up?” Harry was confused by Lucas' wariness.

“So do you remember anything about last night?” Luca asked, setting his cereal down in the sink behind him. Harry started playing with the frayed edges of a bracelet Y/N made for him. It had little beads with her name on it. They made them together at an event on campus.

“I don't, I only saw the videos of Y/N screaming at me. I think I fucked up but I- I don't know what happened.” Harry's cheek flushed with even more embarrassment. Luca awkwardly chuckled scratching the back of his neck.

“You got dared to kiss the hottest girl in the room and um actually did it in front of Y/N...even though she didn't want you to. Which led you guys outside and yeah you know the rest...Im sorry dude, I wish I had stopped you.”

“Who- who did I kiss?” Harrys stomach lurched when he heard Yara’s name come out of Lucas' name. Y/N didn't like Yara and it was understandable. Yara has been pining after Harry since their first year of college. Harry couldn't breathe. He felt disgusted with himself. He could only imagine how Y/N was feeling.

Y/N woke up the same morning, eyes puffy and crusty from tears and head hurting. She probably cried herself into dehydration. She was lucky enough to have no roommate because she wouldn't have wanted someone else to see her breakdown. She still couldn't believe last night went down the way it went down. She couldn't tell if she was just being overdramatic or if her emotions were in the right place. She didn't want to be mad at Harry. He was everything to her, she had an odd connection to him. Meeting him during their freshman welcome week they quickly became best friends with a growing romantic connection in the mix. They started dating before Christmas break. They had grown close so fast that he even came home with her to meet her family for the first few days of break. Even though they were in their junior year of college, Y/N could see them beyond college. She's imagined them getting married, travelling, sharing a home. She saw the whole future with him. She had her doubts though. He was immature just like every other boy in college. He was dumb with his actions and tended to only do things if they benefited him. He had a lot of growing to do as a person, so did she but she wanted to grow with him.

She heard a knock on her door hesitating to answer it because one, it could be Harry, and two, she looked like a wreck. Answering anyways, she was met with a very sorry looking Harry holding a small coffee and bagel from their cafe.

“Hi baby…” He sheepishly said holding out the items. She silently let him through the door not once looking him in the eye. He stepped into her room, setting her treats on her desk. He could see that her bed was messy meaning she recently woke up. Y/N never went about her day without making her bed. He turned back to her and finally their eyes met. He took in all of her facial features, from her puffy eyes, to her downturned lips that looked chapped, to her flushed cheeks that longed to be held for warmth. He hated to see her like this, the last time he saw her so upset was when her parents moved out of her childhood home. It took alot to make Y/N this upset. She was normally really headstrong and vigilant. She knew how to ease her way out of problematic situations and could talk her way through anything.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Y/N holding her hand up in front of his face. “Don't talk. I'm really hurt Harry, so if your plan was to come over here and apologize over bagels- think again.” She snapped, backing up to put space between the two of them. She sat down on her bed while Harry pulled the desk chair out and sat down. He much preferred to be on the bed with her holding her tight but he didn't want to overstep boundaries.

“Love, I don't know where to begin. I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and obviously wasn't in the right headspace.” Harry reached out and touched the tips of her fingers with his. She wanted to move but it felt good to be touched by Harry.

“I told you that a measly little apology won't do Harry. I didn't want you to kiss Yara and you did anyway. You know how Yara feels about you and you just let it happen!” She pulled her hand away remembering the prior night's events. Harry felt himself getting angry too. He felt like he needed to defend himself- even though it would be a very bad idea.

“I think you're being over dramatic.” Wrong move Harry. “It wasn't like I was making out with her!”

“You're joking right?” She scoffed and scooted further up her bed to create more distance. “Harry it's the simple fact that you did something that made me uncomfortable that shouldn't have even happened. I see myself getting married to you and it makes me worry that right now in our relationship you can't respect my boundaries!” She yelled. Harry’s eyes widened as he laughed sarcastically.

“Married? What the fuck are you on about? I'm a junior in college. In what world would it make sense for me to be prepping a relationship for marriage? Once again I think you're being over dramatic.” Her eyes watered hearing Harry's statement.

“I- I guess I'm the only one in this relationship thinking about the future? I thought we were on the same page. I'm not planning our marriage now, obviously. I'm thinking about how elements of our relationship now could play out in the future when we do want to get married. You cheated on me last night. I went to a party you begged ME to go to only to be there for you. I wanted to be here cuddling with you, pigging out on fast food but I was at a party with you and got cheated on!” Her volume rises once again, making Harry shove his chair from underneath him when he stands up.

“You're doing too much right now. I'm not planning a future right now because I don't want this future! I want to be myself without thinking about how to appease my girlfriend. I invited you to the party so you could lighten the fuck up. I love you, I do, but I'm not thinking of marriage and futures. I'm thinking about my life right now and having fun.” Harry snapped right back at her. Her chin wobbled. Obviously her and Harry were on different pages. It hurt so much to hear him say that he didn't want a future with her. Harry didn't mean it though.

“Ok, well I guess that's my fault for assuming we were thinking along the same lines. Um, I don't want to hold you back from being yourself so with that being said, you are a free man Harry.” She pushed herself up from her bed walking to the door ready to escort Harry out.

“Huh? Love, what?” Harry was confused on how they got to this point. Just a few days ago they were in love, meeting in the library to share a lunch and exchanging sweet words determined by their love.

“Listen I have a day full of exams tomorrow so if you could just leave that would be best. You don't really want this so I'm letting you go, Harry.” She had tears rolling down her face, falling from her eyes down to her chin where they fell to the ground in droplets. Harry’s eyes welled up watching his love cry before him.

“I don't-”

“Harry, leave, please.” She opened the door making room for him to go through. He walked through the door turning to look at her. She turned her face away from him whispering a small goodbye before shutting the door. Harry was left in the silent hallway, so silent he could hear his thoughts and the tears hitting the tile floor beneath him. He thinks he stood there for at least thirty more minutes before accepting what had happened and walking away.

Leaving Y/N in her room sobbing like she had never done before. Her tears coated her face and she thought her head could explode right then and there. She didn't want to accept what had happened but she had priorities. She composed herself enough to start studying for her exams.

The week rolled by quickly, Monday meeting Friday in a flash. Exams were done and Christmas break was on the horizon. Students were piling off of campus in a hurry ready to get home to their loved ones. People were outside by cars loading up their winter necessaries and saying their goodbyes to their close friends.

Harry cried everyday this week. He wasn't normally a crier. He hated crying, he hated the feeling of crying and the headache that came from it. He cried because he realized how wrong he was. He missed Y/N. He missed finals week dinner together where they tried to get off campus at least once and be alone for a moment. He missed watching her relax while eating food that wasn't from their school's cafeteria. He would pay for their meal just so she could have one less thing to worry about. They would normally get frozen yogurt right after too, Y/N getting as many toppings as she wanted because Harry would be the one paying. He missed her tight after exam hugs. She would squeeze his shoulders tight, smiling into his neck, telling him how proud she was of him. She would bring him tea in the morning when they met for breakfast. Sometimes they would spend the night in one or the others room so they could have time together to destress and just talk.

Y/N wasn't doing any better. She normally went into exam week feeling confident. She studied too hard not to. But this week she felt like shit. Her heart hurt and she kept thinking about the fight. She feels like she overreacted but hearing Harry talk about their lack of a future hurt nonetheless. She really assumed that they did have a future that included marriage and a life together. She didn't understand where his sudden lack of commitment came from. She regretted dumping him but at the same time she wished he did more to get them back together but he was silent. He hasn't contacted her at all and avoided all of their spots on campus all together.

She stood by her car prepping for her six hours car ride back home. Packing away her clothes and some essentials in the trunk of her car, she heard light footsteps behind her. Closing her trunk she turned to see Harry standing with his hands in his pockets.

“Hi.” He said. She looked at him, putting her own hands in her pockets. It was cold outside, the nippy air hinting at a possibility of snow.

“Hi Harry.” They shared a moment of silence together. Just staring at each other. It felt good to be near each other again. They felt like they could breathe again.

“I had to see you before you left. I know the break is only a month but I didn't want to leave without seeing you.” He replied quietly. She made him feel so shy. Her beauty always made him awestruck. Even in a hoodie with their college's logo and some large sweatpants and some fuzzy crocs, she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I don't know what to say harry.”

“It's ok. I don't deserve anything from you after what I said. I just wanted to apologize and wish you a good break before you left. I also wanted to give you this.” He pulled a small box and envelope out of the front pocket of his backpack. “I know we agreed on no presents but I think thats a dumb rule and I love you too much to not get you something.” She smiled at his words, taking the gift from his hands.

“Thank you Harry, it means a lot to me. So what are your plans for a break?” She asked him, the tension that was in the air slowly dissipating.

“I couldn't get a flight home until next wednesday so i'll stay here on campus until then.” He shrugged.

“Oh ok. Well tell Anne I said hi. I have to go Harry but I'll see you after the break, ok?” She didn't want to leave him but she didn't want to drive through the dark.

“Ok, love. Drive safe. I lov- I mean have a good break.” Her chest tightened at his hesitation. She wants to hear him say the words but she knows he won't.

“Have a good break Harry.” She whispered. Before getting in her car she stood on her toes placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek and turning away and into her car.

She drove away knowing that her heart was left in that parking lot in the hands of someone she loves way too much.

Harry stood in the parking lot watching his heart drive away for winter wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Part two

#harry styles x reader #frat!harry #i carry your heart #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles x y/n #college!harry #part 2 coming soon #harry styles smut #fratrry #boyfriend!harry

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kaypeace21 · 3 years

Note

Idk if this is possible or not or if you've done it already but could you list all the rainbow references in the show?

Haha- talk about pandora’s box. Sure, personally i think the rainbows have multiple meanings -3 meanings to to be exact

1) Rainbows being associated with psychics + Will’s powers plot twist

*We see in the stranger thing novel 'suspicious minds' when overusing powers you may hallucinate rainbows (which are also associated with the void/ monsters in the series) .

Terry: “Spots bloomed behind her eyelids. Every color … as the sunlight turned to rainbows” ( p44-45), “streaks of rainbow appeared (p47)”,“The rainbow stayed with Terry for a long while, but eventually it faded and in its place: darkness. A pit.”(p. 48).

Alice (who sees visions of the future) : “Snarling, snapping monsters,RAINBOW LIGHTS playing in the air around them” (p. 121).

cough Will being in the upsidedown/being chased by “monsters”. And Joyce communicating with Will via “rainbow lights.”

The rainbow room (from s2) also has a rainbow on the door- according to the novel kali drew that rainbow. Similar to Will's rainbow drawing. Kali in the book also creates a rainbow allusion with sunflowers (Terry ref).

Kali: “field of yellow sunflowers grew up around them. A rainbow arcing over the golden tops.” (p. 139). “He noticed she’d drawn up there, a rainbow with her colored pencils. Maybe he’d suggest that for the playroom” (the rainbow room we see in s2) (p. 298)

I also already talked about how Terry saying "breath, sunflower, rainbow " is actually a reference to s1 Will- here (in link including pic of Will and Terry being told to “breath”.

*El in s3 also thinks of papa, her mother , and the rainbow room- cause she sees a cereal box with a rainbow (on it).

Dustin and susie sing a song from the film adaption of the book "never ending story". Which indicates how Will is subconsciously creating the supernatural creatures & people in the series . Before they sing, we also see susie is next to a ‘wizard of oz’ posters & she reads & talks to Dustin about the book "wizard of earthsea'. 2 of the 3 examples have rainbow-related songs (in their film adaptions) & all 3 hint at Will’s powers.

* wizard of earthsea:

It’s about a pre-teen wizard named Ged who has a bowl cut (Will) who casts a powerful spell, but the spell goes awry and instead he releases a shadow creature (by opening a portal between the living & dead- Will is a zombie boy remember?)! The new Archmage, Gensher, describes the shadow as an ancient evil that wishes to possess Ged. But the ‘shadow’ turns out to be a representation of the darkest aspects of his personality. It’ only when he calls the shadow monster by his own name “Ged”(cough mf=will the wise) does the monster stop acting out. The only way to save the world is for ged to then merge with the shadow(and for Ged to accept himself-and “become whole”).This also reminds me of the “Jungian shadow”

* never ending story:

Bastian ( who has a bowl cut- and is from single parent house hold) subconsciously creates a fantasy world being over run by darkness (symbolizing the loss of hope and dreams). One of the characters he creates is Atreyu (El). Atreyu ( was the child deemed the ‘chosen one). “Atreyu is knocked into the sea of possibilities. There he wakes on the shore of abandoned ruins. And Gmorick (mindflayer) then latches his jaws onto Atreyu’s (El’s) leg.”Pretty much what happened to El.”The Empress in the story later tells Atreyu, that despite being told he was the chosen one (he never was). And that it was always Bastian (Will) who was the chosen one-since his imagination created Fantasia (so he’s the only way to stop the darkness from over -running it).”

Will has mental health issues and accidentally writes a “story” about the shadow monster (reflecting his tra*ma). Bastian is depressed (over his parent) and subconsciously creates a story about darkness over-running everything. Like how Hopper describes his depression- like a black hole.

song Dustin & Susie sing:

“Written on the pages is the answer to a never ending story” (cough the books susie referenced - are explaining the answer to what’s causing the mindflayer/upsidedown/the lab...this story )

“DREAM a dream. And what you DREAM will be” ( Will’s imagination making his nightmares come true)

“Rhymes that keep their secrets Will unfold behind the clouds.And there upon a RAINBOW Is the answer to a never ending story.”

(the lyric “rhymes that keep their SECRETS” purposely pans to Will both times the song is sung). Because the ‘SECRET’ is -he’s causing everything. And thus he’s the only way to stop it- or they’ll all be stuck in a never-ending story. The only way to stop it is for Will to face his shadow/the mindflayer (aka the other Will) who is always shown within the STORM CLOUDS . Will needs to create a RAINBOW (out of those storm clouds). Like rainbows that show up AFTER a storm.He’d do this by accepting himself , his tra*ma/mental health relating to his dad, and or his gay identity- then the story will be able to end.Dustin even says “ defeat his RAINBOW of DARKNESS” (and later says a “rainbow is the answer ”(to the story). st book:”The RAINBOW stayed with Terry for a long while, but eventually it faded and in its place: DARKNESS. A pit.”AKA: Will has to face his symbolic darkness and the storm/and than create a rainbow from it- for the story to end...

When Dustin says ‘rainbow of darkness’ he talks about my little pony- where one of their friends became a dragon. in d&d wizards can become dragons &Bastian also summons a dragon with his imagination powers in ‘never ending story’. And Will is associated with dragons: s1he has dragon comic & drawing, s2 Will has dragon poster in his room + watches his friends play dragon game. And again... dungeons & dragons.

Also tw for s.a/parental ab*se (so skip to ‘wizard of oz’ if you prefer ). In the 4th book of wizard of Eathsea (20 years after the original, where ged was the protagonist). The new main protagonist - was r*ped and burned by her father as a child (and in the sequel she became a dragon as a form of empowerment ). which goes with my lonnie theory-sadly.

*wizard of oz:

it’s about a Dorothy creating a mythical world based on people she both likes and dislikes . Dorothy sings in the movie a song about a ‘RAINBOW’ and references ‘DREAMS’ coming true in a mythical land -much like the ‘never ending story’ song (referencing “rainbows”/”dreams” coming to life).

“There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby Somewhere over the RAINBOW, Skies are blue, And the DREAMS that you dare to dream, really do come true...”

We see in s1 Hopper cop-partner calls the lab “emerald city”. Murray in s2 says people “don’t want to look behind the curtain” (to see what’s causing the supernatural -in the film what was literally behind the curtain was a wizard-cough like Will). We also have -lion, tiger, and bear stuffed animals (as a ‘lion, and tigers, and bears-oh my!’ quote )from the film. And David harbor (Hopper) when referencing the s4 rainbow room (quotes the song) and he also quotes a speech from Dorothy-when posting about the cabin the mindflayer destroyed.

2) Rainbow cups (hinting at Lonnie’s return)

We see 2 rainbow cups in the series.

in s2) when Mike & Will are sitting together & saying they’re “crazy together” . This cup next to them says “happy birthday” in rainbow. Later that season- they talk about Will’s birthday-rainbow drawing, Mike&Will meeting & Lonnie leaving. And in s2, we also see in Will’s room a card that says “sorry, I forgot your birthday”(most likely from Lonnie). So both Lonnie & Mike are associated with Will’s bday.

in s3) We see a woman yell “I don’t want her in my house!” (while she sits next to a rainbow cup). reminiscent of Joyce saying to Lonnie “get out of my house”. We also know there are rumors s4 takes place during Will’s birthday & Lonnie’s actor may have been spotted on set. Along with the fact (it’s pretty much confirmed) Mike will be visiting the Byers in s4. However, the woman (next to the rainbow cup) also says “2 visitor only. 2!″

THE 2 VISITORS ARE MIKE &LONNIE (for Will’s b day).

Also, in s3, when El is drinking from cup- she sees a rainbow. And what’s the first word she thinks of? “Papa.”

so rainbow+cup= shitty dads (lonnie & brenner) probably returning

*And of course if that’s the case -Lonnie (the same guy who called Will h*mophobic sl*rs) will not be supportive of Mike & Will’s “friendship”. And will not be nice to Mike (to say the least). Like... imagine Hopper in s3 - but we know he’s not bluffing and the audience won’t have the option to take it as a joke... and yes the s4 movies hint at that...

3) gay symbolism

First we have Mike wheeler. He in s1 has rainbows sheets, rainbow bedroom blinds , and in his basement there’s a heart propelled by a rainbow. This is like how in s3 Mike kisses El and there is a drawing that says "Mike'. And on the drawing is a heart propelled by a rainbow. I already explained how its symbolic of him trying to be straight/fighting his feelings for Will, but wherever he goes a rainbow still follows (even when he tries being romantic with El). He’s trying to hide his “rainbow heart” by dating El- why in s3 (the rainbow-heart in his basement) mysteriously disappeared from his room (but a similar symbol follows Mike even when he kisses El).

Even in s2 when talking about Will (in the AV tech room): Mike is placed in the center of 2 objects : an object with 11 on it & on the right a rainbow apple (this apple is supposed to be an ode to the gay father of computers- but also about the forbidden apple). Hinting at the love triangle of Mike (with El/Will). PLUS, in the ST book ‘worlds turned upsidedown’ they literally show Mike in the AV room- and put the caption “FALLING IN LOVE- with tech” (and placed rainbow flags next to the caption). And of course we have Mike & Will pose next to the rainbow apple- in the AV room.

We also see when Mike and Will says they’re “crazy together” (aka LOVE-as Flo stated) and they’re next to a rainbow cup that says Happy birthday .

And later that season they ref the rainbow ship Will drew for his birthday-which Joyce was "proud" of. And while dancing with a girl (Will according to the script was looking at Mike instead of her) . That girl is wearing a rainbow heart hair pin. This is essentially a parallel to Mike . Will (next to a rainbow heart) is dancing with a girl, but is secretly thinking of Mike. Mike (next to a rainbow heart) is kissing el but secretly thinking of Will (and immediately goes on a movie double date with Will after this). The lyrics of both these scenes indicate they're not happy pretending to be straight. The lyrics for Will are "every smile you fake". And Mike while kissing el is "just a little uncertainty can bring you down" (and during this lyric is when El puts her hands on him-and he removes her hands from him *aka he’s not as confident in the relationship as he pretends to be.

We see in s4 bts that the rainbow heart hair pin (worn by the girl Will dances with) is also worn by nancy while standing next to Robin (who is gay). So being near a ‘rainbow-heart’ is prob a hint a character is gay. Aka robin & Will & Mike.

tumblr user “awhstrangerthings” pointed out the nancy -hair clip detail.

In s1 when troy is calling Will h*mophobic sl*rs (in front of Mike) he wears a rainbow shirt. And max while often critiquing m*leven (in s3) (to Mike) often wears rainbow shirts. I talked about how I thought Troy and max subconsciously remind Mike he isn't straight - so they're associated with the rainbow iconography-post here. Like we see Max with rainbow sheets (like Mike) and than she immediately talks to him on the phone. I mean she could be queer- but I lean to that theory at the moment.

The whole being near rainbows when associating with a queer character makes sense (it’s like a ‘gay-dar”). Similar to Nancy’s hair clip when being near Robin/ that Girl having the same rainbow hair clip when dancing with Will. If we assume this theory than see a pattern with other characters (when speaking about/being near queer coded characters)....

it’s similar to how : When lucas (via subtext) criticizes m*leven- he is also next to a rainbow (in Erica's room). I explained here- why it’s about m*leven.

or when Jonathan says he’s going to hang out with Will (it’s near a rainbow).

This Jonathan moment -Is similar to when Steve ( who has a rainbow bandaid-from the Byers’ house) calls Mike “Nancy” (which is slang for a gay guy)

*another addition: you see in the comments of this post ghostgirlsatin mentioned Dart has a rainbow blanket. But, I noticed a couple of other things.

notice Dustin says "we have to talk- its about my friend ,Will". As Dustin is near rainbow lights and a rainbow bed sheet. Like how

A) rainbows are associated with the supernatural creatures + Will

B) rainbow lights associated with Will

C) rainbows near straight characters when talking about /near queer characters... similar to how Jonathan is near a rainbow when talking about Will

*also can’t tell if that is a ‘rainbow ship’ poster?

We also see Erica has a sunflower & rainbow drawing in her room... at the moment not sure if its just a random easteregg , foreshadowing something supernatural we're not aware of yet? or just for the m*leven diss?

(although given the fact i think some characters were created by Will- and given all the Max &Billy/Will & jonathan parallels ... the rainbow stuff may be a hint Will created them? I mean they even made a Troy comic just to show his dad is a bully.) But, at the moment, i still lean to (some) characters having rainbow iconography because they’re referring to/are near a queer character.

#will byers #byler #mike wheeler #dustin henderson #el hopper #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #steve harrington #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #jim hopper #joyce byers #stranger things #stanger things theory

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gaylorlyrics · 4 years

Text

Ivy

How's one to know?

I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones

“Down there where the spirit meets the bone” is the title of a Lucinda Williams album and a lyric in her song “Compassion”. Williams explained to The Huffington Post: "['Where the spirit meets the bone'] is just that place deep down inside all of us where nobody else can really see. Everybody has different ways of dealing with that. Some people get cynical, some people act like idiots or come across with the bad manners thing. Like yelling at you when you're in your car driving, and some guy's … road rage or whatever it is. The rude person in line who pushes ahead to get in line. Who knows what that person went through."

In a faith forgotten land

This seems to be both a reference to “False God” and a “Hoax” - “your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in”. Taylor uses a lot of imagery about cheating, infidelity, and faithlessness - especially in folklore and evermore. I think this has multiple meanings - 1) tay seems to have a complicated relationship with religion and how her sexuality is perceived in certain religions, saying she “did something bad” or that her love is a “false god”, so I think that at times she talks about faithlessness while reconciling her sexuality with her Christianity, and 2) in the complicated bearding relationships that she and Karlie have, Taylor feels like she is being cheated on because jerk gets all the glory of being publicly recognized as Karlie’s lover.

In from the snow

Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow

Tarnished but so grand

This feels very “Illicit Affairs” - “started in beautiful room/meetings in parking lots”. The love isn’t what it was before, but it’s still something beautiful and real.

And the old widow goes to the stone every day

The “stone” here is a gravestone. The widow is visiting the grave of her lover and mourning their loss.

But I don't, I just sit here and wait

Couldn’t help but notice the similarities between the canvas and the pic of Kaylor in Big Sur - but now the tree has fallen and she waits alone.

Grieving for the living

However, Taylor is grieving for a relationship that has died, not a person, so there is no gravestone for her to go to, no comparable ritual for her to take part in as she processes her hurt.

This also pulls in ideas of duplicity that we saw in Coney Island, where there is one side of Taylor’s lover (Karlie!) that Taylor knows and a different side that she feels like she doesn’t. Through that lens, this line can mean that the side that Taylor loves isn’t there anymore and she is grieving the loss of that person.

Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Taylor is bearding. Both she and Karlie are contractually promised to other people - even when they are together and holding hands they can not truly be with each other.

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

Taylor keeps telling people that she is writing about this imaginary dreamland in folklore and evermore, but it’s all based on her real relationships - and it shows. Tay can’t stop Karlie from coming out (not literally) in everything she writes.

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you

Even though Taylor has her armor on in her house of stone, her love for Karlie is always there.

This also continues the metaphor of Karlie in Taylor’s music. Even in her house of stone - her little cottage in the woods albums folklore and evermore, Karlie is all over her lyrics.

Finally, Ivy is an invasive species. Once it starts growing it’s almost impossible to remove. It comes back every time you try and pull it out.

I wish to know

The fatal flaw that makes you long to be

Magnificently cursed

Taylor doesn’t understand why Karlie keeps working with the people who she does. This seems to validate to ideas that Kaylors had last year, of Karlie’s contract ending, but her extending or continuing to engage for some reason.

He's in the room

Your opal eyes are all I wish to see

Opal means “to see a change of color” - Karlie’s eyes seem to change color based on the light and what she is wearing.

He wants what's only yours

This line refers to how the people who Karlie is in contractual relationships with, or has been in them with, (Jerk, Scoot) are interested only in controlling her and getting her power and reputation. They are not trying to help her.

[Chorus]

Clover blooms in the fields

Spring breaks loose, the time is near

What would he do if he found us out?

This is the line that is most obviously about Karlie, imo. There really is no straight explanation for this line. Either she is lgbtq or her lover is lgbtq.

The song started in winter but the winter and cold is almost over and we are now approaching spring.

Crescent moon, coast is clear

Spring breaks loose, but so does fear

He's gonna burn this house to the ground

Even when they are free, Kaylor is still afraid of retaliation and people who are out to get them and ruin their relationship (burn the house). Because of the masters situation and whatever mess Karlie’s contracts seem to be in, Kaylor still isn’t truly able to disengage from their demons.

How's one to know?

I'd live and die for moments that we stole

On begged and borrowed time

Again - we have “illicit affairs” themes here. Taylor loved every moment of their relationship and though their moments were in secret, they were her whole world. It also relates to the “gold clock” in Coney Island - with the time for love ticking away.

So tell me to run

Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become

And drink my husband's wine

OOF. This stanza. Taylor clearly spells out her two options. 1 - she leaves Karlie (”runs”) or 2 - The bearding and hiding erode their relationship over the years (as it seems like it may have been doing), while they continue to beard forever (drink my husband’s wine) and never come out in the open. This is such a sad line.

[Chorus]

So yeah, it's a fire

It's a goddamn blaze in the dark

And you started it

You started it

So yeah, it's a war

It's the goddamn fight of my life

And you started it

You started it

Another big OOF. This line really stings because it references when Kaylor “started it” and one of the first songs that Tay wrote about K - You Are In Love. “You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars”. When Taylor wrote that line she was saying that she now understood why people would fight so hard to be with someone, but in Ivy we are at the other end of the journey and she is the one has been fighting the war for Karlie.

[Chorus]

#im sorry I feel like these keep turning out so sad but this album is really sad #evermore #taylor swift #Karlie Kloss #Kaylor #ivy

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a-detraque-barista · 4 years

Text

How They Mark You

Mentions of mental illness, suggestive themes, stockholm syndrome (only in one of them), yandere themes, and prescribed drug use

This...This was A LOT longer than it needed to be. Like I am so s o r r y

Seokjin

Jin had never really had a reason to mark you. He always figured you being next to him whenever you went out was enough. Until today. The two of you were in the grocery store when Jin had noticed the same person down every aisle you two were in. He couldn't help but think that they were following you. Why would they not? It's possible that they see the same endearing qualities in you as he does. But of course, he wouldn't let them have you if they think they could.

He brushed it off until you were checking out and the same person was right behind you in line. From here, Jin could tell that they were a male, around six foot, and coming alarmingly close to you.

"Darling, what's my pin again? I keep forgetting it," it was all Jin could think of for you to come closer to him and type it in for him while he glared at the man. He supposed the fact that he was near wasn't enough for people to get the picture. So, he quickly brought you home.

After putting all of the groceries away, he turned to you, "Did you notice the creep that was following us in the store?"

"Yeah, but I didn't want to say anything cause I knew that would upset you," you shrugged before sitting on the couch before patting the spot next to you for Jin to sit.

Having an idea, Jin leaned his body into yours to push you down with a grin on his face, "I think I know just what to do to keep people away from you."

You tilted your head which gave him room to lean down and start leaving small bites along your neck and collarbone. You had to stay like that for almost a half hour before he finally deemed it enough.

Yoongi

Yoongi was only really jealous before he ruined your life. Before he made you completely rely on him he was always possessive to the point where he wanted to mark every inch of your skin. But now that you're hear with him, he never had that feeling again.

He rarely let you leave your room let alone the house. Although, every once in a while he would let you go out to the back yard for a few minutes.

It was one of those rare days as you laid on the grass and felt the nice summer breeze on your face. Yoongi had to take a call and went back inside when the neighbor had accidentally threw his ball into your yard. He peaked over the fence to see you laying there, not too far from his ball. He had never seen you before, only the man that he thought was living alone.

"Hey, can you pass me my ball back please?" he called out to you causing you to startle awake.

You hadn't even realized you were dozing off until the man said something. Getting up you walked over and handed him his ball before turning around to lay on the ground.

Curious, he started to talk to you. Asking questions about who were and why he hasn't seen you around. You began to enjoy it before Yoongi came out and grabbed your hand to drag you back inside.

Never had he been more furious than in that moment. Not only had someone dared to talk to you, but he even had the audacity to look over the fence at you.

The next day Yoongi let you sit out wearing a necklace with his initials and a shirt with his name on it for the neighbor to see.

Hoseok

Well...Hoseok has already marked every inch of your skin during your daily cuddle sessions. So it baffled him when someone cat called you while walking past. Your neck was covered in dark purple and red marks. How could he not see that you were taken????

The voice that has been living in his head for years gave him a few notes on how to handle it. It ended in you having to hold Hoseok back by his arm until he finally let up on beating the man's face in. You immediately took him home and locked the door.

This wasn't the first time something like this has happened. Last time the police got involved but with Hoseok's history of mental illness he was able to get out of it quite easily. Just a new prescription of medication that he refuses to take unless you personally give them to him.

So deciding on skipping lunch, Hoseok lead you straight to the bedroom and pinned you down on the bed.

"I'm sorry, jagi. But we're going to have to wait until dinner to eat," he sighed as he kissed his way down your chest.

He kept his promise and you didn't have dinner until almost midnight with a fresh layer of hickeys and cum threatening to drip down your thigh.

Namjoon

You weren't even allowed to leave the house, let alone come in contact with someone. Namjoon was always the one to go out and get whatever you or he needed. It definitely wasn't your preferred living style but what else could you do? Namjoon was able to convince you who you needed and didn't need in your life. Leading you to live with him without anyone knowing.

You were sure nobody knew of your existence except for the people you used to associate yourself with. Which also meant you getting lonely most of the time while Namjoon was out doing whatever he was doing.

But today, you wanted pizza for dinner and Namjoon didn't feel like leaving the house. So Namjoon called and ordered it for delivery. Normally, Namjoon would be the one to answer the door in any situation. However, he had gone to the bathroom right before the delivery guy knocked on the door.

You had thought that it would be no harm to answer the door and pay for the food. You didn't want the delivery man to end up leaving and you would have to wait another hour for Namjoon to cook dinner. So you grabbed the money off the counter and opened the door. Smiling, you exchanged the money for the pizza and was about to close the door when the man began to talk.

"You're really cute. Are you single by any chance?" his question made you freeze and stare at him wide-eyed.

"Uh-"

"Sorry to burst your bubble but I'm the boyfriend. Now, if you'll excuse us we're going to enjoy our dinner and each others company. Have a nice night," Namjoon had been smiling the whole time, up until he closed the door. "What have I told you about answering the door?"

"To not answer it."

"And what did you do?"

"Answered it." Namjoon always did this when you broke a rule. It made you feel small and immature when he spoke to you like this.

"Sit down so I can give you your punishment."

That's exactly what you did. You've learned what happens if you don't. The last time you were disobedient you woke up the day after and you could barely walk and you had scars from the knife he used.

You were surprised to feel Namjoon's mouth on your neck after he pushed you to lay on the couch. Usually you would feel some sort of sharp object. But the closest thing to sharp was Namjoon's teeth nipping at your skin.

"I almost forgot how it felt to be jealous."

Jimin

Jimin rarely let you out of his sight, even if you didn't know he was there. He was the most obsessive out of all the boys. He was more lenient on letting you leave the house, but he almost always followed you. The only time he didn't was when he had to take care of important matters.

And because he was so obsessed, he always had something on you that showed you were his. Either the necklace he bought you or the marks from the night before. Or even his hoodie that was so adorable on you he was running low on his favorites to wear outside.

Yesterday, you had accidentally broken the necklace with Jimin's name on it. You were too scared to tell him so you hid it and pretended like nothing happened. You were just hoping he wouldn't notice before you went out with your friends in an hour.

If he did notice, then he didn't say anything. So you tried to forget about the guilt and anxiety that built up inside you to enjoy the little time you had. Jimin may be okay with letting you see your friends, but it wasn't often. He usually guilt tripped you so you would stay home. And it always worked.

Jimin noticed right away that you didn't have your necklace. So before he followed you he looked for it in your shared bedroom. He found the multiple pieces hidden in your drawer beside the bed. He was hurt and furious at the same time.

Quickly, he put on his black hoodie and snap back to where he knew you and your friends were. He may have been livid but he can't let you find out about him following you everywhere. You would be upset with him and he could never live with himself if you got mad at him. He watched for the two hours he allowed you to be outside.

The two hours were almost up and he was going to head home when he saw someone walk up to you in the cafe. He wasn't an employee, so why was he approaching you?

Jimin pieced everything together when the guy handed you a piece of paper that no doubt had his number on it. Before Jimin could storm across the street and into the building, he watched as you dropped the paper in your water and grabbed your things.

His heart was pounding as he walked up to you and grabbed your arm. He spun you around and kissed you on the lips passionately.

"That's my jagi."

Taehyung

Taehyung had always loved taking photos of you. He had a special collection of photos of just you. First, it started in his closet where he would just tape them onto the wall. Then, it escalated into him having to clean out the spare bedroom and use that for the growing number of pictures. He still kept it up even after becoming friends with you. Of course, he would make sure the spare bedroom was locked whenever you came over to his apartment. He didn’t want you to get scared and leave him.

Once the two of you had started dating, he began to take photos of you with his phone whenever you spent time together. Most of the pictures ended up being posted on his Instagram account.

The two of you had a shared account so Taehyung could keep track of who you talked to and what posts you liked.

That also meant he knew if someone would comment on a pic of you. Usually either you or Taehyung would ignore it and delete it. But there was a certain comment that made his eye twitch in annoyance.

The photo was of you in a tank top and sweatpants while cooking something on the stove. Taehyung loved that photo. You had been making bulgogi with rice right when he had gotten home from work. He couldn’t help but to pull out his phone and make the shutter go off, causing you to side-eye him.

It wasn’t until the next day when you were mindlessly scrolling on Instagram and you had gotten the notification. Taehyung was still at work so you were just laying in bed. Curiously, you clicked on the heart at the bottom of your screen and tapped on the notification.

i wish she was my girl. at least if she was with me her hair would be a mess and hickeys covered her neck. lol

You internally go Ooohhhhhhh shiiiiiit. You had tried to delete the comment but Taehyung had just walked in so you quickly turn your phone off and tossed it to the side.

“Hey babe, how was work?” you asked.

“Could’ve been better. How was your day?” he began to change from his work clothes into just a pair of black sweats before coming to lay down with you.

“Boring. Why’d you lay down? Don’t you want dinner?”

“Not at the moment.”

You looked at him, confused as he straddled your waist. His hand came to rest on each side of your head on the pillow. He leaned down to start leaving open-mouthed kisses along your jugular and shoulder. Biting and sucking lead to him leaning back from his work.

Taehyung swiped his tongue over his bottom lip before biting it. He reached into his pocket and brought his phone out to take a photo of your neck. After he tapped his finger a few times on the screen he turned it around to show you. He had posted the picture on Instagram with the caption Mine ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Jeongguk

He was...constantly possessive. There wasn’t a day that went by without him marking your neck or staring at you endearingly with infatuation. You could be sitting there watching tv on the bed and you just see Jeongguk’s head up from the side.

You giggled as you went back to watching the show that was playing. This was the only time you got to watch tv so you ignored him. You had been scared when Jeongguk first kidnapped you and brought you to his family home in the country side.

He was violent and intimidating, especially when you spoke out. It’s been eight months since then and Jeongguk has proven to be one of the most caring people you’ve ever met. He didn’t talk very much but when he did he spoke words of adoration and compliments. On the rare occasion, he would mumble about things like “she’s mine”, “you can’t have her”, and “you deserved this”. Those were the times you worried about when he left and didn’t come back for a few hours.

Right now, you were still trying to ignore Jeongguk as he slowly inched his way onto the bed. It took him about ten minutes to get on the bed and closer to you to the point where he was laying on his side only an inch away from you. You tried to keep the grin off your face but failed miserably.

Finally looking at him you asked, “What?”

His round doe eyes stared into yours while he gathered the courage to ask you a very important question. He took a deep breath and the exhale blew a baby hairs from your face.

You gave him time as his shyness usually kept him from talking openly about what was on his mind.

“Can-can we get-get...uh tattoos? Together?” his voice was quiet as he held his stare onto yours.

Your eyes widened a bit as you processed what he had said. He had almost a full sleeve of art tattooed into his right arm while you had only had a few here and there because of how expensive they were.

“I don’t see why not,” you turned back to the tv and squinted at the fact that it was now a whole new show. Your lips turned into a pout as you grabbed the remote to change the channel.

Jeongguk grabbed the remote out of your hands and tossed it across the room. You decided not to comment on it and look at him expectantly.

“I want to get each other’s names over our hearts.”

That...was definitely not what you were expecting but it wasn’t surprising. Jeongguk had been tracing shapes into the skin above your heart for the past week. You supposed it was his name that he was tracing.

“Do you...still want to get them?” his voice was almost a whisper now as he began to trace over your heart again.

You stayed quiet as you thought about if you wanted to really get his name tattooed into your skin for the rest of your life. Thinking about it, you smiled and began to trace over Jeongguk’s shirt where your name would be inked into his skin.

“Yeah, I do.”

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thecaffeinebookwarrior · 5 years

Text

A Writer’s Guide to Viewpoints

Most of us know that there are three major viewpoints from which stories are told:

First Person -- “I tell my own story with the pronoun ‘I’ because I’m just so damn awesome.”

Second Person -- “You are a character in this story, and you can’t do anything about it. If it makes you uncomfortable, tough shit.”

Third Person -- “He muttered himself and pulled the blankets over his head, wishing this asshole would stop narrating his life.”

Those are the three viewpoints, and that’s all there is to it. Just pick your favorite, and you’re ready to go. Right?

Well. Not exactly.

You see, my fellow scribblers, there are actually multiple sub categories of each viewpoint -- beyond even the “Third Person Omniscient” or “Third Person Subjective.”

To be specific:

First Person:

First Person Informant

First Person Reminiscent

Unreliable

Second Person:

Reader as Character

I Substitute

Third Person:

Objective

Limited

Multiple Selective Omniscience

Omniscient

This might seem overwhelming, but fear not! Each perspective is fairly easy to break down, and ultimately, apply to your own work and understanding of literature. This post will elucidate each.

So let’s take charge of our narratives and delve in, like the active protagonists we are.

What is the First Person?

I’m sure we all know this, but a First Person narrator tells their story from the pronoun I (or sometimes we, though this is quite rare.)

The different factions of First Person narration are somewhat under-discussed -- certainly not as widely known as the Third Person Omniscient versus Objective viewpoints -- but, as these examples prove, they do exist.

As you read, you’ll likely think back to your favorite narrators, and realize that not all First Person viewpoints were created equal.

The First Person Informant:

“I’m telling it like it is. As it’s happening. I’m living in the moment, and watching it unfold with you. Look at us, charging blindly into the future together. Isn’t it exciting?”

This dude conveys the events as they transpire, or appear to transpire, in the present. There’s no “once upon a time” for him. Merely the unfurling now.

Examples:

“Vampires in the Lemon Grove,” by Karen Russel

“In every season you can find me sitting at my bench, watching them fall. Only one or two lemons tumble from the branches each hour, but I’ve been sitting here so long their falls seem continuous, close as raindrops. My wife has no patience for this sort of meditation. “Jesus Christ, Clyde,” she says, “You need a hobby.”

Russel’s narrator – a world-weary vamp navigating the tribulations of eternal love and insatiable bloodlust in an Italian lemon grove – is an excellent example of a first-person informant. He isn’t telling us about the lemon grove as it was, but as it is. The lemons fall before his eyes as they fall before ours. We are in this lemon grove together.

“Natural Selection,” by Jacob M. Appel

“The stolen baboon. On the evening news, she’s an irrelevancy -- a simian mug shot tucked between National Hairball Awareness Day and an interview with the Boston Strangler’s Children. Six hours later, she’s lounger on the sofa in our living room, smacking together her protruded lips, scratching her back on the damask. Suburban Tampa is apparently far more fun than a lab cage in Atlanta.”

Here, we are transported directly into a father’s dilemma after his well-meaning yet painfully naive and somewhat spoiled daughter “liberates” a mistreated lab baboon -- a decision that could effectively ruin both of their lives. The informant perspective amplifies the reader’s suspense, as we are in the moment with him and can only discover the outcome by watching events unfold (or skipping pages.)

“What I Do All Day,” by Hellen Ellis

“Inspired by Beyonce, I stallion-walk to the toaster. I show my husband where a burnt spot looks like the island where we honeymooned, kiss him good-bye, and tell him what time to be home for our party.”

This one is just great. We are transported into the perspective of a seemingly chipper, affluent housewife as she quietly goes insane from suffocating domesticity and the horror of a meaningless life. And, emphasized by the informant perspective, we feel all of this with her! It is characteristically brilliant and hilarious satire from Ellis’s brilliant and hilarious collection, American Housewife.

The First Person Reminiscent:

“It was on a dark and rainy night when I decided to tell this story. I tell it as I remember it, after these events have transpired. Let’s look back on them together.”

In this perspective, the narrator is looking back on events after they have happened. He isn’t describing these events as they unfold; he is telling a story.

Examples:

Life of Pi, by Yann Martel

There are actually two reminiscent narrators here. The titular Pi, and the author who has elected to tell his story.

“This book was born as I was hungry. Let me explain. In the spring of 1996, my second book, a novel, came out in Canada. It didn’t fair well. Reviewers were puzzled, or damned it with faint praise. Then readers ignored it. Despite my best efforts at plating the clown or the trapeze artist, the media circus made no difference. The book did not move. Books lined the shelves of bookstores like kids standing in a row to play baseball or soccer, and mine was the gangly, unathletic kid that no one wanted on their team. It vanished quickly or quietly.”

So opens this immensely clever novel, which, in all regards, blurs the lines between allegory and reality. However, most of it is narrated by the eponymous Pi, who becomes this author’s muse.

“I've never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. The pain is like an axe that chops my heart.”

Here we have Pi, reflecting on his spiritual and allegorical companion, Richard Parker (an oddly named tiger whom we come to love as much as Pi does.) Pi’s retrospective narration allows for the clear-sighted view of his complex feelings that can only come with time and distance. Thus, this reminiscent narration enhances the power of the narrative.

The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”

My feelings towards J.D. Salinger are somewhat negative (I recommend you watch the documentary Salinger to figure out why) but this book is timeless for a reason. This opening line offers up countless questions that leave you thinking long after you turn the final page. Moreover, it impeccably establishes the voice that will carry us throughout its meandering narrative. Catcher in the Rye would not be the same without its reminiscent narration, and this line establishes that.

Lolita, by Vladimir Nabokov

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.”

This opening line makes me somewhat sick to read, because, of course, it is the floral soliloquy a frothing, rabid pedophile, about a “four feet ten” twelve-year-old girl. But, as a piece of art, it is still remarkably done -- the perspective of a monster, putting himself on trial before an imaginary jury, and telling a story that is invariably partial towards his warped perspective. Once again, the retrospective is integral to this grotesquely fascinating narrative.

The Unreliable Narrator:

“I am the King of the Lizard People, and no one will acknowledge it but me. Don’t believe me? Too bad. I’m the one telling this story, and you have no choice but to believe my dubious rendition of these events.”

It’s widely debated as to whether this should be its own category. Why? Because all first person narrators are inherently unreliable. We just have little choice but to take their information as it’s denoted to us. Oftentimes, they win our trust; but other times, it is their unabashed unreliability that makes the narrative memorable.

Don’t believe me? All of the past three examples were unreliable narrators. And I examine several more in my post on types of unreliable narrators here.

In the meantime, let’s move on to the oft-underrated Second Person.

What is the Second Person?

This highly controversial viewpoint uses the pronoun “you.” Most people associate this perspective with amateur fanfiction or pretentious purple prose, but let me tell you: when this perspective works, it is stellar. And I’ll explain why.

The Reader as a Character

“You’re walking down the street, and you realize the narrator is talking about you. Maybe you like this. Maybe you don’t. The narrator doesn’t care. The narrator is a cruel and indifferent god. You put in your headphones to tune the narrator out. The narrator finds this incredibly rude. You can’t escape me, motherfucker.”

This is what most people think about when they picture a Second Person Narrative. Okay, not this specifically -- being frank, most people probably think about reader-insert fanfiction (which can be amazing as well.) This viewpoint asks the reader to imagine themselves as a character -- usually the main character -- in the narrative.

Examples:

“This is a Story About You,” from Welcome to Night Vale, by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Craner

“‘This is a story about you,’ said the man on the radio. And you were pleased, because you always wanted to hear about yourself on the radio.”

Even if you’re unfamiliar to this podcast, I highly recommend you listen to this episode (or read the transcript) immediately. It shows you virtually everything reader-insert can be, and what a remarkable effect it can have. It virtually envelops you in this perspective, this town, and this surrealistic reality.

“The Young Immortal,” by Brooksie C. Fontaine (me!)

“When it started, it was the February fourteenth of 1945. An American plane was hit in the engine by Japanese fire, fell from the slate gray sky like a shooting star. Its blazing red reflection ignited the swell of colorless water. And then it was gone, taking with it all the color in the world.

In that plane was my fellow air force pilot. The love of my life.

You.

I know what you’re thinking: you weren’t alive in ‘45, and you weren’t a man. Well, I’m gonna tell you you’re wrong on both counts. You’ve been a man before. You’ll be one again. It doesn’t matter to me, so long as it’s you.”

This one is unique, because it includes both the First Person Reminiscent (the eponymous immortal narrator) and the Second Person Reader as Character. The reader is in the perspective of the narrator’s oft-reincarnated love interest, and so I decided to include it as an example.

The “I” Substitute

“You were fifteen when you realized you could only get hard if you were thinking about carnivorous dinosaurs. Not me. You. This has absolutely nothing to do with me, and I resent the insinuation that it does. This is your problem, dino-fucker. This is your story. This is about you.”

This one’s interesting. The narrator is in denial, and using the second-person to distance themselves from the events of the story. It is a substitute for the First Person, and a thinly-veiled one at that.

Examples:

“Freaks,” by Alden Jones

“From the cluster of mourners, Kristen’s mother had emerged; she strode towards you. Her straight brown hair was limp and flyaway. She wore the expression of an animal who wanted to devour you. Her eyes were cushioned by the bluish puffed skin beneath them, but they flashed hot with fury.

‘You,’ she said. She pointed her finger. She began to gallop. ‘You think you see something no one else sees?’ she called. Mourners turned to watch her progress towards you. Heather took a step away.

You dangled the camera by your side. You froze. You did nothing but watch the thing happen.

‘YOU,’ the mother said, charging. ‘YOU. YOU.’”

These are actually the concluding lines of this haunting story from Jones’s collection, Unaccompanied Minors. I had the pleasure of hearing her read this story for my graduate program; in the Q&A afterwards, she explained how the narrative, and the characters’ mentality throughout the story, depended on the Second Person. “It was a different story without it,” she said.

“The Other Person,” by Nathan Leslie

“You write the story in the second person. It’s your go-to point of view now. You like it’s edge, its resonance of irony, even if your story lacks said irony (it adds irony). You makes anything possible. You is the new me.”

This one is simultaneously hilarious, sad, and strangely invigorating. It encapsulates the deep trenches of insecurity that come with being an author, and whittles them into sharp, sly satire. The “I” Substitute doesn’t just emphasize the story; it is the story. This story would not exist without it.

Now that I’ve successfully changed your mind about the Second Person (and if you still don’t agree with me, you’re wrong), let’s move on to the ever-popular yet difficult-to-master Third Person.

What is the Third Person?

You know what the third person is, but I’ll suspend my disbelief and pretend you don’t. It uses the pronouns he, she, or they, but the perspective can be virtually anywhere. Which makes the Third Person such an interesting thing to explore.

Third Person Objective

“She slaps him. He touches the red mark her ring left behind, and stares at her with wide eyes.”

This one is also known as The Dramatic, The Camera Lens, or The Fly on the Wall perspective. It describes the events as we would view them, with no inside information into the thoughts or motivations of the characters. What we see is what we get, and we have to discern the characters’ feelings based on what they say and do.

Example:

“Meanwhile. A Conversation,” from American Gods, by Neil Gaiman

“‘Miz Crow?’

‘Yes.’

‘You are Samantha Black Crow?’

‘Yes.’

‘Do you mind if we ask you a few questions, ma’am?’

‘Are you cops? What are you?’

‘My name is Town. My colleague here is Mister Road. We’re investigating the disappearance of two of our associates.’

‘What were their names?’

‘I’m sorry?’

‘Tell me their names. I want to know what they were called. Your associates. Tell me their names and maybe I’ll help you.’

‘...Okay. Their names were Mister Stone, and Mister Wood. Now, can we ask you some questions?’

‘Do you guys just see things and pick names? “Oh, you be Mister Sidewalk, he’s Mister Carpet, say hello to Mister Airplane?”’”

In this unique and hilarious chapter, we witness an exchange between (bisexual icon) Samantha Black Crow and a minor villain who has been assigned to track down the protagonist. We aren’t privy to either of the characters’ emotions or thoughts, or even their actions, yet we can discern all of it from dialogue alone.

Third Person Limited

“She’s had enough of his bullshit. Something in her snaps, and her open palm collides -- hard -- with the side of his stupid, stupid face. He touches the red mark she left behind, staring at her like he can’t believe she actually did that. Good. Maybe that’ll teach him to stop being such an pugnacious fuckwad.”

This one is tethered to a specific character, whose thoughts and feelings we are aware of. However, we are not inside the mind of the character in the same manner as a First Person narrator.

Examples:

American Gods, by Neil Gaiman

“Shadow had done three years in prison. He was big enough, and looked don’t-fuck-with-me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. So he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.”

Though American Gods features an impressive diversity of perspectives, we spend most of the book tethered to the lovable ex-con Shadow Moon. We are never trapped inside his head, as we would be if the story were First Person, but we know what he is thinking and feeling. He is our viewpoint character.

The Giver, by Lois Lowry

“It was almost December, and Jonas was beginning to be frightened. No. Wrong word, Jonas thought. Frightened meant that deep, sickening feeling of something terrible about to happen. Frightened was the way he had felt a year ago when an unidentified aircraft had overflown the community twice. He had seen it both times. Squinting toward the sky, he had seen the sleek jet, almost a blur at its high speed, go past, and then a second later heard the blast of sound that followed. Then one more time, a moment later, from the opposite direction, the same plane.”

Lois Lowry’s timeless, haunting dystopia is introduced through the guileless eyes of twelve-year-old Jonas. We are aloud to see the world from his perspective, but the distance of Third Person Limited allows us to feel the horror of each situation with more clarity. Lowry demonstrates how to utilize POV to one’s advantage, similar to how Neil Gaiman uses Third Person Limited to enhance the horror of his masterful modern fairy tale Coraline.

Multiple Selective Omniscience

“She decides she’s had enough of his bullshit, and slaps him. Hard. Hard enough that her ring leaves a red welt on his cheek.

He feels his eyes go wide, and he touches the side of his face. He keeps waiting for her to apologize, but her eyes are narrowed and her lips are pursed. She doesn’t look sorry.”

The viewpoint shifts between characters. It can be extremely effective, as long as we are aware of when the proverbial camera changes angles.

Examples:

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith

First of all: if you haven’t read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, do it. Do it right now. It is the piece of classic literature I recommend to everyone who hates classic literature, because it’s devoid of all of the traits that make people hate classic literature to begin with. It has oodles of complex, idiosyncratic, autonomous, and tough-as-hell female characters, bad language, and frank discussions of sexuality, poverty, and classism. Read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.

Anyway. Though its protagonist is Francie Nolan, who, like the eponymous tree, perseveres and thrives against insurmountable odds, the viewpoint bounces around an immense deal, between Francie’s family and neighbors to the most minor side-characters. Because of this, many people believe that the true protagonist is Brooklyn itself, and the people in it.

The Twelve Tribes of Hattie, by Ayana Mathis

This is a captivating, gut-wrenching book, similar to A Tree Grows in Brooklyn in its highly effective depiction of poverty. The book follows the children of Hattie Shepherd, a formerly young and optimistic mother, who lost her firstborn twins to an easily preventable disease in the aftermath of the Great Migration. The viewpoint changes with each chapter, showing the perspectives of each of her children and how they are haunted by this loss.

The Vacationers, by Emma Straub

A far cry from its poverty-focused predecessors, this book focuses on the problems of the affluent and privileged. It is, however, a deeply interesting read, as it swerves between the perspectives of the titular vacationers after a patriarch’s fore into adultery threatens his family and marriage.

Omniscient

“She decides she’s had enough of his bullshit, and to his surprise, she slaps him. Hard enough that he feels her ring leave a red welt on his flesh.

He touches his cheek in shock, and stares at her, awaiting an apology. But she isn’t sorry. All she feels is satisfaction.”

Just what it sounds like. The character is an all-knowing entity. Or Lemony Snicket. Perhaps both.

Examples:

Everything I Never Told You, by Celeste Ng

“Lydia is dead. But they don’t know this yet.”

Celeste Ng’s beautiful and haunting novel begins with the wordless affirmation of the narration’s omniscience. The narrative knows things the characters don’t, though it doesn’t always choose to relay its secrets. In this case, it doesn’t answer the mystery of Lydia’s death until the very end -- an answer that the characters themselves will never discover.

The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.”

Tolkien’s book shows us how useful omniscience is for worldbuilding. He doesn’t need to cleverly sneak this exposition into Bilbo’s dialogue; he can tell it to us outright, and immediately draw us into this world while doing so.

Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

“Current theories on the creation of the Universe state that, if it was created at all and didn’t just start, as it were, unofficially, it came into being between ten and twenty thousand years ago. By that same token the earth itself is generally supposed to be about four and a half thousand million years old.

These dates are incorrect.”

This delightfully Pratchett-esque opening immediately puts us into a -- literally -- godlike perspective, in which we are given insider information about the start of the universe. It immediately establishes the tone of this amazing novel: one in which life and creation are too important to be taken seriously. And for this purpose, this uniquely omniscient perspective is the only way to go.

That’s all I’ve got for now, my fellow scribblers! As you contemplate perspective, just think about how different the same events would look from a two disparate viewpoints. Even if two people are sharing a moment, that moment is different for both of them.

The perspective isn’t something you tack on to your story. Oftentimes, it defines your story. So choose carefully, and don’t be afraid to explore!

Happy writing, everybody! <3

#writing #writing tips #caff's writing tips #the author speaks #authors #writing resources #perspectives #writing perspectives #first person #second person #third person #pov #fiction

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rudystree · 4 years

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I’m sometimes a little scared to say things here cuz I l’d hate to accidentally summon the angry anons for you to have to deal with 😂 but on top of what that anon said it just bothers me so much that so many of the “fans” who are Rude to both Rudy and Elaine are the same ones that complain about Rudy never posting as if THEY DONT KNOW THEY ARE THE PROBLEM. Like Elaine almost posts more than Rudy.. at least she used to. I highly doubt she’s stopping him from posting pictures on his Instagram or from hanging with the cast who ... she was friends with before they got together? Like they’re just a big friend group (that Elaine is and has always been very much a part of) and four of them (chase and Maddie and Rudy and Elaine) coupled up. I doubt their group chemistry has changed that much. Maddie literally said In a live once that she’d just been hanging out with Elaine, rudy, drew and I think Austin (and some people even somehow managed to take the way madison SAID HER NAME as factual evidence that madison hates her KAGDJSHDJD) but I digress lol. Rudy’s just a private person, I think he’s made that pretty obvious and he probably just doesn’t want to deal with all the negativity that comes with social media. And when he does post or go live ... well stuff like the Bubble Live and all the things his “fans” said about the swimming pics happen. He is a grown man and I have complete faith in his ability to do what’s best for him. And apparently that includes dating Elaine and not posting much on social media. Deal with it. Appreciate him for who he actually is or just move on find another celeb to Stan. It’s not like there aren’t plenty to choose from. Rudy doesn’t float your boat? That’s fine, really not a big deal, just go stan someone else instead of staying in his fandom and spreading negativity. People are quick to blame Elaine for every change we’ve seen in Rudy since April and never think to question how their behavior as fans might have affected him. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk jwhdjahsjsh 😂

Girl you went OFF and I LOVE IT!!! 😂❤️

Couldn’t agree more. I think Rudy not being active on social media comes down to 3 things:

He’s a naturally private individual

His followers have made the internet a very uncomfortable space for him

He’s busy

I’ve seen people compare Rudy’s activity now to S1, which makes no sense since they didn’t follow him in 2019 and wouldn’t know, as well as to last April/May when he was hyping the show. Right now he’s filming and has a ton of shit to deal with and nothing to promote. I’m sure when S2 promotion commences he’ll be much more active again for like a month. And I cannot wait 😍

Rudy’s said multiple times he’s very appreciative but not very comfortable with such a huge following online. I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t be either. When he does come out of his shell and posts something, people just tear him apart. The Bubble live was a great example - he decides to finally show his face after ages and dares to be vulnerable to talk about mental health issues that are important to him, and immediately he sees people in the comments bashing his appearance and his girlfriend. He must’ve thought “oh wow, not doing this again...”. It’s beyond ironic that people think it’s E’s fault when it’s their own. If anything, most of the content we’ve been getting has been coming from her.

Overall, it’s a damn shame. 😕 I just want everybody to shower this man and his girl in nothing but love and show them that the haters are irrelevant and that so many people want him to be happy and see/hear from him more often. Those who don’t want to love on them should take their negativity elsewhere. ❤️

#yeah i too could go on forever lol #pls don’t be afraid of ranting here!!#this blog is literally dedicated to discussing rudy!#plus it’s a great way to weed out haters #sometimes i post about e on purpose after gaining new followers #to prepare them and give them a chance to leave early 😂😂#anyways #ily #and this was amazing #thank you #*standing ovation*#ask #elaine chats

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itsyourboychristopher · 4 years

Photo

--bang chan--

words - 4.5k

warnings - phone sex, mutual masturbation, hints of D/s, slight angst, bunch of fluffy and sassy couple talk

note - i had to reupload cause apparently trying to fix the warnings on my phone fucked everything up, but here you guys go!

--------------------

You stared at your phone screen, completely entranced by the Instagram video in front of you. It wasn’t anything too crazy, just a short video of your boyfriend Chan during the fan chant video for Levanter. You had watched the video earlier when it had first released, and here you were watching it again for the thousandth time. Between his hair, the eyebrow slit, and just that fucking face… he just looked so good.

“Hellooo…? G’day, mate!”

Wincing, you jerked your head back into your pillow in shock as you heard Chan’s voice loudly in your ear. “What the hell was that for?”

“I called your name like five times. You kind of zoned out on me. Is everything okay? if you need to go to bed, you can. You don’t have to stay up to talk to me, you know.”

“Uhm... to be completely honest, I got distracted,” you answered as you rolled onto your left side. Making sure the blankets didn’t twist as you continued to lie in bed staring at your phone, you snuggled into your mattress.

Chan gasped dramatically, making you roll your eyes in fondness. “How dare you? And here I was telling you an amazing story.”

“Oh?” Your eyebrows rose. “What kind of story?”

“Mhm. May I ask what got you so distracted?”

Fixing your headphones that had gotten tangled when you turned on your side, you made a sound in your throat as if you were thinking about it. “I mean I guess, but you have to be cool about it.”

Chan’s voice went from teasing to curious. “Cool in what way?”

“Well…” You watched the video of him one more time before smiling wickedly. “I found myself distracted by this really hot guy I found on Insta.”

You could practically hear the badly hidden jealousy in his voice, and you took a moment to relish in it. “Oh? ...What’s his name?”

“I think his name is Bang Chan? I don’t know,” you teased as your smile softened. “I think he’s in some kind of kpop group. They recently posted a video on YouTube of a fan chant? I don’t know what those are or even what they’re saying, but this Chan Bang guy really just looks hot as hell. His hair is tousled and kind of off of his forehead, and that one prominent dimple when he smiles? Mmmmm,” you fake a whiny groan. “And that eyebrow slit? Fuck.”

A slight sound on his end was heard after your fake whine, and you smirked while watching the video again. A hint of warmth caused a short throb in your clit, and you remembered just how sexy he could be when jealous. “There’s just something about him that’s so attractive. I would totally leave you for him to be quite honest.”

He chuckled. “You don’t say.”

“Oh, yeah. ...Hey! You live in Korea, he lives in Korea; do you think there’s any way that you can get me his number?”

You knew he was probably rolling his eyes at you at this point. If you didn’t know any better, you also thought that he was most likely blushing from the compliments. The two of you had known each other for so long that you practically knew him better than he knew himself, even though he lived a 20 hour plane ride away.

“Yes,” he replied back with a hint of sarcasm. “Let me totally get my manager to contact his manager, and I will one hundred percent be behind you leaving me, your long-term boyfriend of three years, so you can date this ‘Chan Bang’ dude.”

“Thanks, babe! Who knows, maybe I’ll let you watch us have sex for funsies.”

“I can’t wait,” he deadpanned. “Oh! That reminds me actually. Did you ask off for the tour? Hopefully I can see you at least once since I’m coming to Miami and you live in Orlando now. That’s only what, five hours?”

“In good traffic, yeah,” you agreed. Narrowing your eyes in confusion for a moment, you chuckled quietly. “How did me talking about sex remind you of the tour?”

Chan jokingly scoffed, earning a judgy face from you. “Because it’s been six months since I’ve last physically saw you in front of me, and I’m horny as hell and want to have amazing sex with my precious girlfriend who I love deeply.”

You felt a blush erupt onto your cheeks from his words. After taking a moment to calm down, you winced, and hoped he wouldn’t be able to tell that you were going to lie to him. “Uhm, well… that’s the thing? I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.”

It became quiet on his end, and while you knew you were actually going to be there for most of the tour because your manager understood the situation and allowed you the time off, you still wanted to try and surprise him. You were going to be able to be with him for weeks, and even share a room with him, and you wanted to personally see the smile on his face when you told him so. The silence from him though told you how much this lie hurt him, and it brought an anxiety pain to your chest. It’ll all be worth it when I surprise him in Atlanta. I just have to keep telling myself that. His reaction will be worth it.

“Really?” He finally asked quietly with a hint of raspiness in his voice. “I thought you said that your GM could most likely give it to you? You said since the tickets and everything were gonna be paid for, that you just needed the time off since you have your savings from the money I send you.”

“Yeah, I still wish you’d stop sending me money-”

“-I’d spend it on you regardless, even if you actually lived here-”

“-and I thought he’d let me, but since I just recently got promoted to being a manager, it’s a little harder than I thought. You know how Disney property is… the tourist season never ends.” You heard Chan sniffle, almost making you want to give in and apologize. Just knowing that you were hurting him even if you were making it up to him later made this hurt you way more than you expected. “Baby, please.”

“But you don’t work for Disney, you’re third party, so you said it was easier to ask off.” He sniffled again before clearing his throat. “LIke I know that I kind of signed up for this when we decided to go out and were finally able to but wow, this really sucks. Why don’t you seem more upset by this? It means it’ll be almost a full year before the next time we can see each other again in person, and not over FaceTime or just talking on the phone.”

You felt tears sting your eyes at the reminder of the distance, making you bite the inside of your cheek as you attempted to hold them back. “Trust me,” your voice cracked a little bit without meaning to. “I am upset, I just didn’t want to let you know how much.”

He sniffled loudly at the slight whine in your voice, and you heard things shuffling in the background as if he was wiping his eyes. “This is definitely not how I intended this phone call to go.”

“I know, Chan. I’m so sorry. ...How did you intend it to go?”

“Well,” he cleared his throat a few times as if he was trying to return to the earlier moment. “I was trying to tell the story about my last trip to the gym so I could hopefully turn this into phone sex, but now…”

“Oo, you know how much I love gym stories.”

Chan snickered quietly, making you smile, and you slowly felt the grief from before lifting. “I know, that’s why I was surprised when you said you got distracted, but now knowing that it was because of a video of me and that it was turning you on…?”

“If you’re still down for it, I’m totally into turning this back into a phone sex call. It’s been a minute, and to be honest, all of these videos of you have been teasing me. Plus those new pics and vids of you as an airline captain? Fuck, Chan.”

“I miss you so much and I’m always so fucking horny; I’m always down, baby girl.”

The warmth from earlier returned to your crotch, making you bite your lip as you rolled onto your back and let your left hand roam down to your breast. “I actually prepared a surprise for you to make up for not being able to go on tour. I’m not sure if you can handle it.”

He groaned. “What kind of surprise?”

“How much time do you have before you need to go? And are you in a ‘not safe for work or the kids’ space?”

“Mmm…” He was quiet for a second, probably checking his schedule. “It’s 3:37P now, and we were gonna have dinner before getting everything prepared for Inkigayo so… an hour? And the boys are in different places. The only one home is Hannie-ah, and his room is on the other side of the house. Plus my door is locked, so even if my roomies came home, I’m pretty sure that after years of living with me they know that if I’m on the phone it’s most likely with you, and they know to most likely stay away.”

Your nipple had become hard underneath your shirt from your teasing. You pinched it which made you release a small groan as he finished speaking.

“Baby girl,” he growled. “What’s the surprise? You better show me before you touch yourself. You know the rules. You can only touch yourself when I tell you to when we’re on the phone.”

“Sorry, sir… it’s been so long since you’ve last punished me that my hands have grown bold.”

“I’ll make sure to remind you when I see you next.”

“Please do,” you purred.

Releasing your breast, you quickly went to the Kakaotalk app where you and Chan texted each other daily, and sent him a teasing picture of your newly bought black lingerie. There were multiple pictures that you took of yourself modeling in them, and the one you chose just showed you in one of his oversized black shirts that reached your upper thigh. You wore stockings with garters that were just barely visible, and you knew those alone would make him instantly harden since stockings with garters were his favorite. The sexy pose was simple; just you standing in front of your full-length mirror in your bedroom with a hand lifting the shirt slightly above your left thigh, up towards your hip. Your left leg was bent and you faced the mirror at an angle, that way he could see a hint of your wonderful ass from the side.

You heard when he received it; the gasp he let out turning into a gravely moan.

“Is that my shirt?”

“Mhm.”

“And what looks like new lingerie too?”

“Bought just for you.”

You heard shuffling on his end of the line again, and noticed his breath had started to pick up. “My dear Chanstopher, are you touching yourself from just the first picture?”

“There’s more?” He sounded slightly scandalized, making you hold back a giggle.

“Of course, silly. There’s an entire ensemble that I modeled with. I had to make sure you got to see all of it,” you teased, making sure to use a slight French accent on the word ‘ensemble’.

“May I see the rest of it?”

You tsked him. “A Dom begging? So unbecoming.”

“You are walking a very fine line, baby,” he growled. God, I love it when he does that!

“I guess since you asked so nicely, I can send you another one. If you were already touching yourself before, just wait for this next one.”

Going through the photos, you chose the one where you’re sitting on the bed in front of the same mirror with your legs drawn wide, using that same hand from earlier to lift the shirt up to right below your chest. What was really going to kill him was the sight of the pink app controlled vibrator sticking out of your black lacy underwear, and the resounding moan that released from his lips when he received it made your clit start to throb incessantly.

“You were wet at just the thought of me seeing these, yeah?” His voice sounded shaky, and you swore that you heard his hand gripping his cock solely based off of the timbre of his voice.

“I’m always wet when I think of you, Sir.”

“You being a good girl?”

Biting your lip, you nod as if he can see you as you grip the sheets with your left hand. Returning back to his rules; you laid your phone down on your bed beside you as you waited for him. The only thing that existed in your brain now was Chan and whatever he had in store for you. “Yes, Sir, I’m being a good girl. I always want to be your good girl.”

“Go grab that vibrator from the picture.”

You took in a shaky breath at his command as you squeezed your thighs together, giving yourself a hint of pleasure. “But you’re not here to control it,” you whined.

“No, I’m not, but you’re going to follow my commands, yeah, baby girl?”

“Yes, Sir,” you whispered breathlessly.

Flipping the covers open, you feel the sting of the cold air that you and your roommates normally kept the apartment at hit your skin, causing goosebumps as you left your phone and headphones behind. Your room was normally colder than the others because you had the master and it had the most outer walls compared to the other rooms, making it super cold even in December in Florida. Normally you liked it, but right now, with how heated your skin had become, it felt like a mild punishment from him. He calls me baby girl and suddenly I become a dripping wet human furnace.

Walking into your bathroom, you opened the drawer connected to your sink that housed your toys and pulled out the required pink vibrator. You hastily went back to your bed, dying to be under the covers. Putting the headphones back in your ear, you got comfortable and held the vibrator on top of your stomach. “I have it, Chan.”

“What’re you wearing?”

“Uhm,” your eyebrows kit together in confusion, having expected a command. “I’m actually wearing the same shirt in the picture. It’s my go to for bed. All of your shirts are.”

“And your underwear?” He asked.

“The blue boy shorts you saw the last time you visited.”

“Mm, I just want to set the picture so I can help myself along. Are you ready, sweetheart?”

“Yes, Sir, but can I know what you’re wearing too?”

“I’m wearing my black Dolls hoodie and my black sweatpants.”

“Such an emo baby,” you quipped with a soft smile.

“Emo for you.”

The two of you laughed at his corniness, and when you both finally calmed down, he asked if you’re ready again. You told him you were, and you heard some movement on his end of the line, making you wait patiently for him as he most likely got comfortable.

“All right, my love. I want you to lift your shirt as high as you did in that last picture, and then I want you to turn the vibrator on the lowest setting.”

You do as you’re told, turning the vibrator on through the phone app. You briefly wondered what he was going to have you do tonight, and you loved the anticipation of it all. “I did it.”

“Good girl,” he rumbled nearly an octave lower than his normal voice. The praise and the sound of his voice sent a shiver down your spine. You wanted to hear more of it. “Now I want you to lightly run the vibrator up and down your exposed stomach. Imagine I’m there above you, doing it as I suck on your earlobe.”

Your breathing started to pick up as you followed through, and the small vibration on your abs increased the warmth in your nether region.

“Does that feel good?”

“Yes, sir. Can I ask what you’re doing on your end?”

“Of course, baby girl. Seeing those pictures got me hard, and I’m rubbing myself over my sweats as I picture you following my commands, dressed in my shirt,” he answered.

His love of you wearing his clothes was overly apparent, and it filled you with a sense of joy, knowing you pleased him.

“Do you like the pictures?”

“I love them. You are… breathtakingly gorgeous and sexy.” Chan groaned loudly, making your clit throb harder as you wished the vibrator could move lower. As if hearing your inner wish, Chan spoke again, “Now I want you to move the toy down to your pussy, over your underwear. Let it trace around your folds, but you are not allowed to touch your clit or slit. Follow my lead, baby.”

Whining loudly, your hand moved the vibrator as you opened your legs as wide as possible, and the second it touched your folds, you had to stop yourself from going straight to the source of your pleasure. You waited for what came next, knowing that by ‘following his lead’ it meant doing what he said he’d do, therefore helping you imagine him actually being there.

“I’m right there with you, moving the toy above your clit but not touching it as I slowly grind into your thigh. My mouth is working down your neck, having just reached the edge of my shirt. Moving my other hand, I lift the shirt further up, and the second your breasts are free I have your nipple between my teeth…”

“Chan—“ your chest started heaving as you tried to breathe. The mental visual of him being there, doing what your hands were doing was already messing with you. It had been so long since you had actually touched yourself, and even longer since you both were able to have enough time for phone sex that you were already lost. Your right hand continued moving the toy over your folds, while your left tugged lightly on your nipple. “Please, sir.”

“Sucking your nipple into my mouth,” he continued with a slight growl to his voice, “I move the toy down to your slit, still over the underwear. You buck your hips, making me press mine harder into your thigh, and as punishment for moving when I didn’t tell you to, I bite the skin of your breast, just hard enough for you to know I’m displeased. You can feel all seven inches of my dick on your thigh, and knowing it’s so close to your cunt, you moan into my ear.”

You followed through with everything he was saying, and when he said you moaned, you actually did as the vibrator seemed to barely touch you just below your clit. Just imagining that his perfect cock was right there, touching you, made you salivate, forcing you to bite your lip as hard as possible. It’s been so long since I’ve had him in my mouth. God, I miss it!

Chan seemed to moan along with you. Hearing his beautiful voice fill your ears caused your core to clench, making you whimper.

“Your moan caused my cock to throb so hard, baby. Imagining I’m with you feels so good. Do you feel it too?” He panted quietly.

“Yes, Sir—please, can I move the vibrator?”

“Yes, but you don’t get to touch your clit. I want you to put it into your underwear and to trace along your slit.”

Doing so caused your body to spasm slightly, and you felt your hips shake against the stimulation.

“Now I want you to turn the vibrator up to half power.”

“Chan! I’m so primed already—“

“Do as I say, my love.”

You groaned in frustration and removed your left hand from your breast. Grabbing your phone, you turned the vibrator up to half power, and the second it increased against you, you gasped loudly as your body spasmed a bit.

“Put it in, baby girl. Just like the picture.”

At this point you were panting through your nose, trying to make sure that if your roommates were somehow awake and out in the living room at nearly two in the morning, they wouldn’t be able to fully hear you. You were practically whimpering near constantly when you put it in, the toy setting your body aflame as it buzzed against your g-spot. Your nipples were harder than you thought possible as you ripped the blankets off of your heated skin. The chill in the air hit your soaked underwear, and the feeling of it rubbing against your swollen center caused your legs to squeeze tightly together. Not knowing what to do with your hands, you gripped the sheets.

“Now,” Chan panted; having come undone slightly knowing that you were filled with pleasure. “I want you to power through and send me another picture. Can you do that? After you send it you are allowed to rub your clit.”

“Yes, Sir,” you breathed in excitement. Squeezing your eyes shut for a second, you shakily reached for your phone and tapped the screen on. It opened at your face and you sent him the ‘live’ picture you had been planning on sending next—you with the shirt completely off now, your breasts full and heaving in a black lace push-up bra as your left hand played with your clit inside of your panties, the vibrator still within your depths, just like it was right now. The short video was only three seconds, but it was abundantly clear what you were doing.

The moan that left Chan seemed to echo within your mind when he finally saw it. The sound was so arousing that your hand immediately ventured into your underwear to rub circles into your throbbing nub.

At this point you could hear Chan moaning every few seconds. You were too deep into your pleasure to even fathom what he was doing other than fucking his own hand, but when your phone lit up and you clicked the message, a video of his beautifully veiny arm gripping his cock greeted your eyes. It was thirty seconds long, hopefully in reaction to your pictures, and you could see how undone he was as he jerked himself off. During the last ten seconds of the video you could see precum escaping the head of his cock as he squeezed the glands around his tip.

“Oh! I wish I could taste you,” you whined loudly. Your other hand was holding your phone, and your eyes were glued to the screen. The combination of your fingers rubbing your clit and the toy making a mess of your insides was getting you close, but you knew you had to wait for him.

“Yeah?” His voice was getting high and breathy which was a sign that he was getting close too. “I wish I could taste you too. You taste so good. ...Just imagine my head between your legs right now as the toy buzzes inside you. I’m sucking on your clit as hard as I can, making you buck against my face. Your hands are gripping my hair, tugging on it—fuck, I’m close, baby girl. I’m so close. I want you to come with me, okay?”

“Yes!” You loudly whispered. “Yes, I want you to come. I want to come so badly.”

The thought of him between your legs after such a long time began the tinglings of a large orgasm, making you curl your toes. Your hips were shaking as the warmth in your core increased, signaling your rapidly approaching climax. Your hand was moving fast now, rubbing your clit as hard as you dared as you heard him jerking himself off, attempting to hold back his moans. Just as the pleasure began to increase, you held your breath, wishing his hand was lightly gripping your throat as you attempted to hold back the orgasm just outside of your grasp.

“Baby girl—I’m, I’m gonna cum. I want you to come,” he said breathlessly in his haste. “I wish I was with you so I could cum inside. I know how much you love to be full of my cum. I—”

Fireworks exploded behind your eyelids as your entire body spasmed, making you curl into yourself as you turned on your side. Your walls clenched fiercely around the toy, only making your orgasm last just that much longer. What part of your consciousness that still existed in that moment registered the sound of him coming on the other end of the line. He grunted, and you wished with your entire being that his cock was down your throat, letting you swallow his cum whole.

What was probably just a moment of mutual panting as the both of you tried to calm back down, it felt like an hour had passed. You weakly turned off of the vibrator so the overstimulation could cease, and just spent the next moment existing as your heart began to slow as the edges of your orgasm faded away.

“Baby?” He sounded just as wrecked as you.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Do—“ he took in a deep breath before blowing it out. “Do you need any aftercare?”

Licking your lips, your eyes fluttered open as you began to uncurl yourself. “No… I’m--I’m probably ready for sleep though. Let me, um, clean myself up and I’ll be right back, okay?”

“I’ll be here, love.”

Leaving your bed, you quickly, but shakily, went to your bathroom. When you turned on the light, you had to squeeze your eyes closed for a moment--your eyes too sensitive after being in darkness for so long. As quickly as you could, you took the vibrator out, ignoring the shiver that ran down your spine as you cleaned it and left it out to dry, and then went to clean up the mess that was your nether region.

Two minutes later you were all clean, and with a fresh pair of undies, sleepily sliding back into bed and pulling the sheets up over you. Putting your headphones back in your ears, you tap your phone on and smile when you see the call was still on.

“Chan?”

“I’m here.”

Smiling, and ignoring the tears that immediately came to your eyes due to just how much you missed him, you cleared your throat while covering the mic so he couldn’t hear. When you were good, you moved your hand back and whispered, “I love you.”

It was quiet for a second, but when he spoke again, you could hear the smile in his tone. “I love you too. What do you need to fall asleep, sweetheart?”

“Just your voice. Sing me to sleep, Chanstopher.”

Chan hummed happily at the endearing nickname before whispering, “Your wish is my command.”

Within a minute of him singing you a ballad version of ‘Tenerife Sea’ by Ed Sheeran, you were fast asleep.

#bang chan smut #^#unlock^

122 notes · View notes

elinaline · 4 years

Note

Multiples of 11

11. What's my sexuality ?

I'm pan ace. Mostly just ace and yearning though tbqh fjjebfbf

22. Pet peeves ?

I think I've done that one already !

33. Blog rate ?

Well we're mutuals aren't we. Although your blog does not really have a particular theme (mine neither though) and since we have a bunch of mutuals in common I see your posts a few times, but there's some near commentary some time. Also you're my friend so. Let's say 8/10 ? I guess ??

44. Do I like tattoos and piercing ?

Bro I love them if I wasn't so terrified of needles and of the risk of allergic reaction I'd definitely have one or four tats already.

Piercings are cool too but I'm less tempted to have some on myself, just like I don't have earrings.

55. When did I feel happiest ?

OH OOF uuuhhhhhhh

Like a. Like a long time happy ?

I guess ? I think summer 2016 ? I'd just finished class prépa, I knew I was going to a prestigious and interesting school and I finally had time to chill with my friends for a whole month. I had started thinking about what I wanted, I was searching myself, had just come out to myself as ace...It was a nice summer. Very warm though, shame these temperatures bare the norm now.

66. Fav emoticon

I've answered this one too ! It's 💜

77. Do I like to swim ?

Ahaaa complicated question lmao

I love being in the water and doing dumb shit in the water, which implies moving around and thus swimming. BUT I was traumatised at the swimming lessons I had when I was very young so I fucking hate swimming competitively and even though I can swim ok in my mind I feel like I am completely unable to cross even short distances. Also since I'm super flexible, instead of it being comfortable like it should my back is like super arched and it hurts lol. So it's a yes but also no.

88. Can I touch my toes and keep my legs straight completely ?

Bro I'm super flexible you've seen me go even further. I'll reblog with a pic lmao

99. Someone I look up to

Frédéric Restagno, whom I have the chance and privilege to share my office with ! He's an exceptional scientist, a great scientific mediator with the larger public, and he's also super invested in the well-being of the lab team and is an active union member. Also he does the best lemon curd I've ever tried in my life.

110. Nosiest question I've ever been asked ?

Hm there was a random guy in the metro that asked me whether I was bi or a lesbian once ? It was pretty nosy but he was super nice and it was to promote a lesbian bar in Paris I guess ???? So uh well done my dude.

121. Something I want to do right now.

Like right now right now ? Answer a few more asks then go to sleep.

Near future ? Smother my friends in hugs, some of them I haven't seen since fucking January and I can't wait to see them again this week god.

Right now always ? Want to kiss someone but idk who lol

132. Do I smile with my teeth showing for pictures ?

Uh. Sometimes. Depends how good I feel I think.

143. Do I prefer giving or receiving gifts/help ?

Giving. I like being in control skkfjdjfj

Not that receiving presents isn't nice !

154. Do I like to kiss others' forehead or hands for platonic reasons ?

I've..... Never dared do that. I guess it'd depend whose ? And it would have to be like extremely clear everything is strictly platonic or I might die of embarassment yanno

165. Longest my hair has ever been ?

To the waist when I was in middle school.

Oh finally the end ! That was a lot

#ask game #long post #i still need to take the pic

8 notes · View notes

xiubaek-13 · 5 years

Text

Providence

Prompt: You kind of-sort of said you had a boyfriend and now you both are invited to a ‘couples only’ party and now you have to find a boyfriend ASAP

Pairing: Chen x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, poor dating history, a little bit of smut.

Word Count: 9,118

A/N: This was for a one-shot challenge. We had a really cool idea for a Valentines prompt but life decided to come in and drop multiple anvils on all of our progress. Life can be shit like that sometimes but at times like that you also have to step back and realise that the writing can wait. We made a group decision to kind of call off the challenge but still post if/when we finished. This is my contribution.

Anyway, let me know what you think - apparently I cannot write a short one-shot to save my life so here is an almost 10k present for you.

You only had yourself to blame for this. Why the fuck did you tell him you had a boyfriend? Did you enjoy suffering? How the hell were you supposed to find a boyfriend before the weekend?!

You were just so sick of feeling left out of social gatherings but Suho was all about couples parties… originally you thought it was a phase that would pass but six months later it was still invite only and you had to have a boyfriend or partner or significant other. The rules were that you couldn’t turn up alone or with a fuck buddy, not after that one time Baekhyun turned up with an escort just to piss Suho off. You still remember Baekhyun telling you that story and how Suho hadn’t invited him again for two whole months. That man was too concerned with how society perceived him and his perfect wife. He just didn’t understand how you could possibly have no time for dating and dismissed you every time you asked to come alone.

So you hadn’t seen him in six months. You still talked and still saw each other at work but you missed hanging out with your friend. You just wished he cared less about what everyone thought of him. One by one they’d all gotten girlfriends and wives and suddenly you were no longer the main woman in their lives. Gone were the days when you’d have to pretend to be their date, scorned ex, sister, or bitchy friend to save them from awful dates. Now none of them were ever free to do the same for you because it wouldn’t be proper.

At some point you gave up on dating. You just decided one day that you’d had enough of being disappointed by every so called suitor and weren’t going to participate in it any more. Your mother was distraught, but you were pretty sure it was more that she was upset that she couldn’t play matchmaker any more rather than any sort of concern for your wellbeing. What you would give to not have been born into high society with all of these convoluted rules and stigmas. You had to marry a career man of good stead from the right family. You had to mask and hide your feelings, always, because any sign of emotion was a sign of weakness. You had to have a good education and a good career but be willing to drop it all to get married and start a family then spend your days on committees. You could never not be seen in designer wear, what would the neighbours think? All of this superficial bullshit. You were done with it. There had to be more to life than this and if there wasn’t then what the hell was the point of anything? Why put up with all of this just to be a beige blip or boring in the grand scheme of things.

You craved excitement like that art student you dated in college who had a talent for body paint. Your mother haaaaated him and once he found out about your status he was done with you. You craved a person who could chill with you and be happy in just your company for days on end when the rest of the world became too overwhelming like that library assistant you dated for a couple of months until you found creepy poems everywhere and had to call it quits before you ended up the subject of a cold case study in a decades time. For some reason you always ended up with the weird guy who seemed great… until he wasn’t.

Your luck wasn’t any better when your mother set up the dates. There was the lawyer who always had to argue with you and spoke over the top of you, there was the medical student with the foot fetish, there was the personal trainer who didn’t believe in showers, the stock broker with anger management issues and a possessive streak, the list went on. Back in the day Suho, Baekhyun and the others would laugh with you about these jerks and give you hope for the future but now, now you couldn’t help but feel like they thought you were a lost cause since you were the only one left who was single. Maybe you were just destined to be forever alone like Chanyeol had once suggested.

***

“Are you sure it isn’t you that’s the problem?” He asked.

You paused as you brought your coffee up to your lips. “Wow. Thanks Kai. You’re a beacon of positivity you know that?”

Kai pressed on. “Think about it. You’ve been on countless dates and all of them, every single guy you’ve ever dated hasn’t been good enough. You’ve found a flaw in every single one. People have flaws, it’s normal. It’s not normal to have gone on like 50 dates in the past 2 years and still have nothing to show for it.”

“You couldn’t be more of a finance guy if you tried. I know people have flaws but don’t you dare try to tell me I should have just looked past Jason’s poetry thing.”

“Oh fuck no. That guy was a textbook serial killer in the making, you’re lucky you got away from that relatively unscathed.”

“Kai, they’ve all be terrible. I don’t know what to tell you… maybe the guy for me just isn’t in this universe. Maybe he was here but he died before I could meet him and now I’m alone forever.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“You’re lucky I like you Kai. Now are you going to help me get into one of Suho’s parties or have I just wasted a half hour at this overpriced cafe?”

Kai laughed and put his drink down. “Just go through your phone and find the least terrible guy you ever went out with and see if he’s up for playing along for a night. Suho will know if you just bring a guy you’ve never met before - it’s kind of how he caught Baekhyun out.”

“And here I was thinking it was because she was propositioning Sehun in the kitchen or when she told Xiumin her price list that really gave her away.” You deadpanned.

“You know what, you might be right.” He laughed and shook his head. “We are lucky he’s finally settled down, single Baekhyun was wild.”

You checked your phone and realised you had to be back at work in 20 minutes so you thanked Kai for brunch and headed back to your office.

***

Your phone was mocking you, you were sure of it. It felt like a stone in your hand ever since brunch with Kai. His words kept coming back to you but every time you opened your contact list and started scrolling you felt like the world’s biggest loser. What would you even say to any of these guys if you called? Hi I’m pathetic and still alone but please date me for one night so I can go to a party? Yes I know things didn’t work out between us in the past but what’s one night for old times sake? Ugh. You needed wine if you were going to stoop this low.

One hour and five glasses of wine later you were three quarters through your contact list and you had gained nothing. If anything you’d lost some dignity in the process but you’d also deleted about 10 numbers from your phone for good, ones that were disconnected or if the conversation felt too forced or if he was rude. You cursed Kai, so far this was a horrible walk down memory lane of your failed love life. What you saw in any of these men was beyond you. One conversation stood out so far - Lance. Lance was clearly a low point of your dating life, really the name said it all. Stereotypical frat boy, on the rowing team, thinks women are to be seen and never heard, thinks the ability to do a keg stand makes him a certified legend. Lance was more than happy to chat with you tonight, to catch up on old times and tell you all about himself and how well he was doing at the law firm he was a partner in. Not once did he ask about you. His response when you’d asked, through gritted teeth because you were certain you’d end up killing him on the way to the party, was “Cool, cool, look sweetcheeks I’d like nothing more than spend a night with you but I don’t do the whole date thing plus I haven’t seen you in years - you gotta send a guy some pics first. You should just come over later tonight, we can have a party of our own if you know what I mean.” You actually felt greasy after talking to him and never before had you deleted a number from your phone so quickly, because fuck ever talking to him again.

Sighing and pouring your sixth glass you settled into your couch and scrolled to the last three numbers. If none of these provided results you were back to square one. You glanced at the remaining names, remembering who they were and if they were worth calling. Taekyeon was a med student in college and you’d lived in the same dorm. He was actually a really good guy back then. You recalled that one time where you were so horrifically hungover after one bad night out and he’d somehow procured a drip and solution to hook up to you to rehydrate you as well as feed you painkillers and took care of you. He’d never asked for anything in return either. You dialled his number and waited as it rang.

“Hello?” A male voice answered.

“Hi, is this Taekyeon?” You asked.

“It is...who am I speaking with?” He responded hesitantly.

After you got past formalities and got to chatting you didn’t even bother bringing the proposition up. Instead you made up some lie about a project you were working on and needing to reconnect with your past. You were right, he was still a great guy. So great that he was a pediatrician, married and had two adorable children. It got you nowhere with needing a fake boyfriend for a night but it was wonderful to chat to him again after all this time and he seemed just as happy to chat with you. He promised to call again after he returned from a work conference so that he could invite you over for dinner to meet his wife and children.

“After all, I owe you for not letting me turn into one of those awful frat boys. You kept me in line so my morals never wavered.” You couldn’t really turn the guy down. Not when you could tell he was serious about having you meet his family and really, you were a little bit curious to see how he turned out.

“It was the least I could do, you were younger and more impressionable. I just didn’t want you to turn into a jerk, especially if I had to live next to you for four years. Don’t think of it as a selfless act!”

He laughed and the two of you continued chatting for a bit before saying your goodbyes and promising to speak again soon. With a smile you moved down to the next name, Wonsik. Wonsik...Wonsik… who the hell was he? You racked your brain to try and pull up some detail that would enlighten you as to who this guy was. Was he that forgettable? Or is he just some random dude? You sat for what felt like hours trying to work out who he might be but in the end you took a big sip of wine, threw caution to the wind and dialled. As you waited for the mystery man to answer his phone you continued to mull over the name in your mind.

“Heeeey! It’s been so long since we last spoke. How have you been?!” a bright and cheerful voice greeted you from the other end of the phone line. Who the hell IS this guy? Why does he seem to know me...that would mean my name is saved in his phone. So we must have met in the last year.

“Hi! I know it’d been ages. I’ve just been so busy. What have you been up to?” You decided to play along like you remembered who he was to see if he’d give away any clues that might jog your memory.

“Oh you know, same as usual - museum stuff. Preparing the newest exhibition which has been taking up all of my time. Honestly the hoops you have to jump through to have artifacts leant to a museum is just mind boggling. Anyway please, tell me what you’ve been up to. I had honestly given up on hearing from you again.”

No. no no no no no. You remembered him now. Eight months ago you had a weak moment and joined Tinder. This guy had matched well with you so you’d chatted and organised a date. He seemed nice enough, he still did now, but you remembered getting the strangest vibe from him during that date. Something about him made you feel unsafe and you just wanted to be as far away from him as possible the whole time you were on your date. Being a smart woman you’d told a few friends about the date and teed them up to contact you an hour in to check on you, providing a believable reason to end the date early if you needed to. You did this with any date you went on but this was the only time you’d used it.

“Oh just the same, work and more work. I’m sorry if I bothered you, I’ve just been going through my phone checking all of the numbers in here - it’s been playing up lately. So this call was just to confirm that it’s still you. I wish I could chat longer but I really do have to go.”

“Yep, still me! Ah well hopefully we can meet up again one day and finish that date. It was such a nice surprise to see your name come up.”

You made loose promises to talk again sometime and hung up. Instead of deleting you made a note in his contact information - Tinder date - so that you would remember not to ever call or answer his calls, deleting his number could mean that you’d answer him and be stuck talking to him again and you really didn’t want to be caught off guard like that.

The final name stared at you. You knew this name and you had a sinking feeling about it. You used to work for Yesung as an intern. He was only a few years older than you and he was handsome. The two of you had dabbled in an office fling. It had been hot and heavy but it was short lived since both of you desired your careers more than each other. You both knew it was only lust and proximity that kept causing you to end up in compromising positions so you’d put a stop to it after one too many close calls. He was a nice enough guy but he was a workaholic so you weren’t sure if he’d be down to play pretend with you for an evening.

You put the phone down and made your way back to the kitchen to pour another glass of wine only to find the bottle empty. Had you had six glasses already? It was probably a sign to stop drinking for the night before you regretted it the next day. The storm outside intensified as rain pelted against the windows. If I’m making this call I need to do it before the thunderstorm starts. You grabbed a bottle of water from your fridge and headed back to the couch. You unlocked your phone and your thumb hovered over the dial button. Fuck it. You thought as you pressed his number. It rang and rang and rang until you were sure it would go to voicemail but at the last second a voice answered.

“Hello?” a warm voice greeted you from the other end of the line. It wasn’t how you remembered Yesung’s voice but it had been a few years so you weren’t sure.

“Hi, is this Yesung?” You asked tentatively.

“Oh, sorry. No this used to be his phone, it hasn’t been for years though. Was it personal or business?” The voice answered. Dammit. I called everyone and came up empty handed.

“A bit of both really.” You lied. You were feeling a little pathetic now but your manners meant that you would continue this conversation until it was polite to end it.

“Maybe I can help with the business part. I work with him now.” You thought this voice sounded younger than Yesung. Maybe he was his new intern? You didn’t really care. His voice was nice though and after a bottle of wine the warmth in his voice made you feel a little less pathetic.

“Oh uh, I don’t think you can. It was more a proposition. I used to work for Yesung.” You replied. If he’s not an ass he’ll ask more questions.

“Hmmm why not just tell me it’s a personal call then?” He chuckled.

He had a point. Why lie? “I don’t know, it’s late and I might have had some wine but I also don’t know who you are. Why should I give you a proper answer?”

He laughed. “Yeah, coz that makes total sense.”

“Oh shut up.” You snapped.

“Do I know you?” He asked. Surely he didn’t? Did he?

“Why? Don’t many people tell you to shut up?” You quipped.

“Ha. No, your voice sounds familiar. I can’t place it though. You said you used to work to Yesung though right?” He wasn’t letting this drop, he must actually think he knew you.

“Mmmhmm” You were unsure how much you wanted to divulge to a complete stranger. For all you knew he was just playing with you.

“When did you work for him?”

“A few years ago.” It was a vague enough answer that he shouldn’t be able to get much out of it.

“As…?” He pressed.

“I was an intern.”

“Oooh! I DO know you!” He sounded excited on the other end of the call.

“Well, can you enlighten me? Because I’m drawing a blank here.” You exclaimed, confused at how the hell he’d seemingly worked out who you were, or that he knew you.

“Ah wae! I’m not sure if I should be offended that you don’t remember me just by my voice.” He feigned offence at your lack of memory. The whiny complaining he did triggered something in your memory but.. It couldn’t be… could it?

“Wait...Chen?” A handful of you used to go to karaoke rooms after work on Fridays and Chen was the guy with the voice of an angel. You had no idea why he wasn’t a professional singer but you could have sat and listened to him sing for hours. Surely this wasn’t him? Chen was always argumentative and loud at work, not this soft spoken voice you were currently talking to.

“Ah, you do remember me. I’m flattered.How have you been?” Now that you knew it was him you couldn’t work out how it hadn’t clicked earlier. That voice, that warm and inviting and vexing voice.

“Good I guess.” You answered softly. You weren’t really expecting that question from him. You had been mentally preparing yourself to deflect the ‘why did you call’ question that would inevitably be brought up again.

“So good that you’re calling your old boss’ phone on a weeknight at 11pm? What’s going on?” Damn. Apparently you weren’t going to evade this question any longer.

“Uh. Don’t worry about it.” You mumbled. There was no way you were telling Chen why you rang. He was a smartass and a tease if you remembered correctly and as nice as his voice was, you wouldn’t enjoy it if he was making fun of you.

“If you don’t tell me I’m just going to assume it was a booty call & I’ll be sure to tell him all about it tomorrow.” He teased.

“You wouldn’t!” You exclaimed. It had been too many years for you to know for sure if he was bluffing or not.

“Wouldn’t I? I can even give him your number and I’m sure you remember how he is when his ego is inflated by pretty women.” He teased.

“Oh I remember now. I hate you.”

Chen couldn’t speak because he was laughing so hard at you. Eventually he pulled himself together enough to speak “Then tell me why you rang and avoid this fate.”

“You’ll only make fun of me so either way it’s a bad result for me.” You whined.

“Either I can make fun of you or Yesung can call you expecting you to offer up sex… your choice. I know what I’d pick but hey… maybe you were just after a booty call. Maybe I’m doing you a favour by handing Yesung your number… You can thank me later. Send a gift basket or something.”

You nearly choked on the water you were drinking when he’d spoken. “Oh my god. I needed a date ok? It wasn’t a booty call. Jesus Chen.”

“You needed a date & Yesung was who you called? There has to be more to this. Come on, make my night interesting and tell me.” He egged you on. Something in his voice, something in the way he spoke made you want to tell him more but you weren’t giving it up for nothing. If you were about to tell Chen how desperate you were then he was going to have to offer something in return.

“What do I get in return for telling you? I’m not drunk enough to just drop it on you and the shred of dignity I have left isn’t going easily.”

“I… promise I won’t laugh at you or judge you.” He replied.

“You’ve already done both of those things!” You exclaimed. No way were you letting him lowball you like that.

“Fine. I’ll sing for you. Is that a better offer?”

“Actually yes, it is.” You reluctantly launched into your tale of why you were calling Yesung and why you needed a date. You tried to brush over the part where you were, for lack of a better phrase, forever alone and kept it as simple as possible. True to his word he didn’t laugh but he did remain silent for a painfully long stretch of time before he spoke again.

“I cannot believe I promised you I wouldn’t laugh. You’re not kidding are you?” He said, his voice trembling as he tried to keep his promise.

“Nope. This is my life.”

“Fuck me. Firstly, let me say that your friend sounds like a dick. What kind of jerk only holds couples parties? I might not know you that well but I know you shouldn’t be spending your night calling every guy in your phone just to see if you can convince them to pretend to be your boyfriend for a night. No offence but it kind of makes you look crazy. Secondly, is your contacts list that sad that you got all the way down to Yesung’s name and still hadn’t found anyone who would do this for you?”

“It’s the last name on the list. Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t you promise not to judge me Chen?” You chided.

“Not judging you, just your choices. Anyway, that brings me to my third point. I’ll do it. I know you weren’t expecting to talk to me tonight or anything but this whole thing is too amusing to not want to be a part of it. So if you are still in need, which I’m pretty sure you are, I’ll fill the role.” You were sure you’d heard wrong, there was no way Chen had just solved your problem. Surely not. You must have lost your mind or only heard what you wanted to hear because you could have sworn he said he’d do it.

“What? Seriously? You’ll do it? Chen, you have no idea how much you’d be helping me out!” You practically beamed down the line. He had to hear the sudden uplift in your tone and pitch. You’d honestly thought when Yesung didn’t answer, well actually even before that, that you would be back to square one and still alone. Suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel. You had plans for this party, plans to tell Suho exactly what you thought of his couples only crap at some point of the night but you’d play along until the perfect moment then throw it in his face. Was it petty? A little. Was it deserved? You thought so. How could he still call himself your friend if he organised events and wouldn’t let you attend on your own?

“I never said I’d do it for free, but we can discuss my price later. I think we should meet up for coffee tomorrow to reconnect and get some facts straight. If we’re going to fake date we need fake dating history.”

***

You stop outside of the cafe entrance and internally debate for what has to be the eighth time since hanging up the phone last night whether or not this is a horrible idea. What if you went inside and he never turned up? How would you handle rejection from a fake boyfriend? What if he was in there but he mocked you or judged you for your forever alone status? What if he thought you were pathetic? For the eighth time you reminded yourself that he suggested this meeting after he agreed to be your fake boyfriend. He’d been so amused at your inability to find someone but also so pissed that your choice of friends sucked that badly that you needed a fake boyfriend in order to hang out with them. He’d texted you a time and a place after you hung up last night so you steeled your nerves and pushed the door open.

Once you were inside you looked around, searching for him. A hand waved from the back left corner and beckoned you over. You started walking towards him and relaxed when you saw his smiling face. “Good, I was starting to think you’d chickened out on the whole thing.” He exclaimed when you slid into the seat across from him.

“Why a booth in the back corner Chen?” You asked. The cafe wasn’t that busy that he had to choose the seats furthest away from any of the other customers.

He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure how comfortable we’d be discussing the semantics of our fake relationship so I opted for some privacy.” He pointed to his hot chocolate. “Please, order something to drink or a snack, it’s on me.”

You wait for the waitress to appear then order an iced chocolate. You and Chen make small talk until the waitress returns with your drink, then he gets straight into it. “I think we should incorporate our real history into this fake backstory, it makes it easier to lie when half of the lie is truth.”

“It won’t make it weird?” You ask.

“Not at all.” He responds, taking a sip from his hot chocolate. “Hear me out. We met a few years ago through work. You were an intern and I was an office lackey. We had the same boss and on Friday nights after work a group of us would all go out for drinks and karaoke. The two of us hung out and got to know each other. We became friendly but we were both off limits, I had a girlfriend and you were kind of seeing someone. We remained friends until you finished your internship and left, losing contact with each other until about a month ago.” He paused while you processed the story so far. So far it wasn’t fake, it was just exactly your history with Chen. You weren’t really sure where he was headed with it but you were curious.

“What happened last month?” You asked.

A slight smile formed on his face, knowing he’d reeled you in so far. “A month ago you had one of the worst blind dates of your life. I’m talking the guy was drunk and lewd to the point where you told him you were going to use the restroom but instead left the restaurant and went to the bar down the road. You were sitting at the bar quietly having a few drinks to try and wash the evening away when we ran into each other. We got to talking and caught up on each others lives - me getting promoted to junior partner, having my fiance cheat on me and you having a string of bad luck with love but success with your career. We kept drinking and chatting and once we realised that we were both single, flirting. One thing led to another and you let me get you home. I left your doorstep with the promise of a date and a month later we’re still dating.” He sat back and waited for you to chip in with your two cents on his story. It was good, almost too good actually. For one thing, you could definitely retell that blind date because you’d been on one like that. The rest was plausible and enough that not too many questions would be asked.

“It’s good.” You eat a spoonful of cream from the top of your iced chocolate. “I think that’ll work well actually. The truth thing does make it a lot easier, honestly I hadn’t thought of it from this perspective. Plus I’ve been on that horrible date so that won’t be a stretch of the imagination should anyone want details.”

Chen’s eyes widened. “Seriously? You’ve been on a date that bad?”

You laughed defeatedly. “You have no idea.”

“Wow. I thought I’d concocted a date so bad that no one would want to know more but I didn’t think anyone actually had dates that bad. What kind of- nevermind. We’re getting off topic. Are you happy with the backstory?”

You nod and continue to spoon the cream off your drink. “I like it. Honestly I had no idea what we were going to tell them if they asked but of all the options I thought up last night, none of them are as simple and realistic as yours. Way to choose the most believable one” You smile and laugh to yourself.

The two of you keep chatting and catching up on each others lives. A lot had happened to both of you since you’d lost contact. You’d forgotten how easygoing and warm Chen was. Hanging out with him brightened your day and you hadn’t realised how much you’d missed this feeling. He can’t contain his laughter as you enlighten him with your failed dating history. At one point he is in tears from laughing so hard after hearing about a particularly bad date with the non showering personal trainer and he begged you to stop talking. You swapped the conversation to find out more about him, pressing to see if the whole fiance and being cheated on thing was true and you were appalled to find out that it was.

It was the aforementioned girlfriend from when you worked together. He’d fallen head over heels for her and after a year and a half of dating they were engaged. Chen had never been happier, he was progressing in his career and he had the love of his life by his side. Sadly it turned out that the love of his life was a manipulative bitch who had been using him. He’d noticed something was off when she accused him of stealing her phone. He went to talk to a friend about her behaviour but as he spoke he realised more and more things she’d done to him. He was so in love with her that he hadn’t noticed her toxic behaviour but now there was no going back. He’d arrived home early from an out of town business trip and went home to surprise her only to arrive home to something that shattered his heart. It’s one thing to know that someone is manipulative, it’s another to see just how little you mean to them in person.

She was in his apartment fucking not one, but two guys in their bed. Once the men saw him they hightailed it out of there, not wanting to be a part of whatever conversation happened next. She didn’t even try to apologise. No, she tried to turn it back around and make it his fault that she cheated. He was so heartbroken and disgusted that he simply told her she had 3 hours to pack all of her shit, return her keys and get out of his life for good then turned around and left the building.

You were so mad for him at the end of his story that you didn’t notice the tear escape your eye until he reached forward and caught it on your cheek. You flinched at his touch which didn’t escape his notice. “Hey, don’t get worked up over it. I’m past it and I’m much stronger and self reliant now. I’m also a much better judge of character than I once was so out of all of that pain some good occurred too.” He smiled gently at you. “What worries me now is that you flinched when I touched you, and you’ve done the opposite of what a girlfriend should do every time I’ve touched you or looked into your eyes since we started chatting. You’re too tense.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise we were acting from now Chen. Here I was thinking we were just catching up as friends.”

He chuckled. “We are but I figured I’d test how you responded to me touching you. You do know that for this whole thing to be believable you have to act natural when I invade your personal space. We’re supposed to have been dating for a month now and if you flinch at any point and someone notices then we’re done for.”

He got up and moved to the other side of the booth, sliding in next to you. What the hell was he doing? Why was he so close all of a sudden? Was he always this handsome? You shook your head and looked at him with a confused expression on your face. “Chen what are you doing?”

He cocked his head as though you should already know the answer to your question but when you made no attempt at speaking again he sighed and filled you in. “We are going to sit here and chat until you act natural with me being so close to you, with me looking into your eyes, with me touching you. If we can’t master this then there’s no point in going through with it.”

You furrow your brow and ask. “So...we’re acting like we’re a couple now?”

He nods, a playful grin spreading across his face. “Yep. A smitten couple. One month in you’re still clinging to each other, still completely absorbed in one another, inseparable. So if you want to pull this lie off, you need to get comfortable with me.”

So you sit there, incredibly close to Chen and continue chatting. Now that there wasn’t a table separating the two of you he’s even more disarming. You knew he was handsome having sat in a karaoke bar and stared at him on more than one occasion but that was when he floored you with his voice, after that you really looked at him and noticed the handsome man that lay beneath his bright and joking demeanour. You’d never been this close to him before though. He’d swiveled you so that you were facing him and pulled you closer to him. His hand rested on your thigh while the other alternated between playing with your fingers, holding your hand and brushing your hair off your face. His touch was somehow gentle and firm at the same time and his hands were warm, you could still feel where he touched you after his hand had moved away.

Maintaining eye contact was the difficult part. His deep brown eyes told you more than his words did and you were afraid you’d see pity in them if you stared for too long. The last thing you wanted was his pity, you knew you were pathetic and he’d been doing a wonderful job at making you forget how pathetic you were but you couldn’t help that niggling voice from returning to tell you that he was only doing this whole fake boyfriend thing because it amused him.

Every time you broke eye contact he’d squeeze your thigh or lift your head back up to look at him before starting again. He leant forward and whispered in your ear at one point. “The sooner you stop averting your gaze, the sooner you can go home and get ready for this party. If you can’t do it then I guess our deal is off which would be a shame since we’ve put in at least two hours of work at this point.” When he leant back you saw the smirk on his face and you steeled your resolve. You could do this. You could hold eye contact and withstand his touches and act like a smitten couple and you would do it to prove to him that you could.

The next time you break eye contact it’s not because of fear of judgement or pity. It’s because you felt something. Something about his gaze and his touches had made you feel too hot. You’d felt exposed and you wanted to run away or throw yourself at him and you were embarrassed. “Ah wae! You were doing so well!” He exclaimed and you tried to brush it off as nothing. He made you repeat the task again until you were able to hold eye contact the entire time. You were certain that you’d gone a shade of pink or red by the time you passed Chen’s tests but if you were he said nothing.

His eyes and touches made you feel warm and on edge and you were trying your hardest to keep yourself together but you kept noticing his gaze, his inviting lips, his arms, his legs, his touch and you were going a little insane. Did he sense it too? Or was he just playing his role? You had no idea but you needed to leave this cafe soon before you made a fool of yourself. “Chen, thank you for helping me. I still don’t know why you’re helping me but I’m choosing just to go with it at this point. I need to get back to work so I can leave on time to get ready for this party.” He checks his watch and lets you know he should be getting back too. He pays for your drink and snack then heads back to work & tells you he’ll pick you up at 7 at your place so the two of you can go over the plan once more. He smiles and gives you a quick hug before leaving.

***

Quit acting like a moron and get ready. It’s fake so of course he was acting sweet and endearing, it’s his role, nothing more. Ever since you’d left the cafe you’d been feeling strange. It had felt like you’d seen him, really seen him, for the first time and it was having an effect on you. You kept thinking about him, about his warm eyes, his mischievous lips, his charming words and his proximity to you. Every small touch he made seared into your skin, every gesture, every glance, it all felt too intimate and it was driving you crazy. You hadn’t counted on your emotions not realising that he was only acting that way because of the arrangement the two of you had. He’d been right, if you hadn’t spent the extra time getting comfortable being so close and touchy with each other then tonight would be a bust. Apparently your brain had decided to ignore the arrangement and instead focused on how his touches made you feel and how he smelled, the way his arms flexed when he moved, they way he looked at you. It clouded your vision and you felt too hot and overwhelmed. You’d been glad to leave the cafe before you did anything stupid and the fresh air was a welcome change to the encompassing tension of everything Chen you were now experiencing.

You stared in the mirror as you evaluated your outfit. The dress you chose was cute, a retro 50’s style pin up dress so it showed just enough cleavage, nipped in at your waist then poofed out into a full skirt. The couples party had a retro theme and the dress coupled with flawless make up and rockabilly hairstyle made you fit the part perfectly. You had no idea what Chen was going to wear but he told you he had it covered and you were willing to believe him. You kept trying to remind yourself not to read into anything tonight and not to let your emotions take over because you were going to pretend to be smitten with this guy and you had the slightest fear that you would feel sad and alone after he dropped you home tonight. You needed to go through with it though. If this was the only way you got to give Suho and your friends a piece of your mind about how unfair and terrible they were as friends then so be it.

A knock at the door pulled you from your thoughts. You make your way to your front door and open it. You had spent a decent amount of time trying to guess what Chen would wear tonight and for some reason you’d kept landing on suit as the option but you were wrong. Standing in front of you was temptation. He was dressed in blue jeans, a white v-neck tee and a black leather jacket. He’d gelled his hair back and looked like he’d stepped out of Grease or Crybaby. You sent a silent curse to the universe because he looked so good that it wasn’t fair. The suffocating tension that you felt earlier returned tenfold and you could do little more than stare at him.

His mouth quirked up into a smirk as he watched you stare at him unabashedly. He leant against your doorframe and watched as you tried to compose yourself. It gave him plenty of time to stare at you. “Hi doll.”

The only words you could get out were “How dare you.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you encouraging you to elaborate. “How dare I what?”

“How dare you turn up looking like this. You know it’s rude to look better than your date don’t you?”

He chuckles and very obviously gives you a once over. “Clearly you haven’t looked in the mirror because you, you look amazing.” You looked beautiful, more than beautiful, incredible. And sexy. Something he was not prepared for. He was prepared for cute and for pretty but not for the bombshell standing before him.

As his eyes raked over you you felt yourself heating up. “So, uh… are you gonna let me in or are we conducting this discussion purely in the doorway? I don’t mind either way but I’d like to know so I can get comfortable if you aren’t letting me in.” His words brought you back to reality and you finally remembered your manners. You stepped aside and let him enter the room.

As you closed the door his hand grabbed you, spinning you around and pulling you into an embrace. You were glad he couldn’t see the blush forming on your face. “So, how did we meet?”

He was testing you again. You tried to remind your brain of this fact but it was no use, it was giving in to the feeling of having Chen pressed against you and part of you couldn’t blame it...it was a damn nice feeling. But it wasn’t real. “We met a few years ago through work when I was an intern.” you responded, running your hands along his firm arms.

He rubs circles into your hips with his thumbs. “How long have we been dating?”

You rested your head in the crook of his neck as you replied, your body betraying you as you tried to get closer to him. “Just over a month now.”

He lowered his head and whispered in your ear. “Why are we only dating now?”

The feel of his hands roaming over you was making you light headed as you tried to concentrate on answering him. “W-we were both seeing other people at the time so we were only ever friends. We ran into each other a month ago and hit it off. The rest is history.”

“Now this if more like it, you aren’t awkward at our proximity. I can officially say that you stand a chance of fooling these ‘friends’ of yours tonight.” He detached himself from you and stepped back, smiling down at you.

See, it’s an act. He’s just putting on an act. He isn’t feeling what you’re feeling. Why would he? Your subconscious, ever the downer, decides to rear its head and berate you with negative thoughts. It usually waited until after the date before it ruthlessly came for you but it was determined to make an early start tonight.

You forced a smile and hoped that Chen didn’t notice it. “Then your method of teaching was a success.”

He stepped forward, cupping your face in his hands, his eyes laced with concern. “Are you ok?”

Apparently he did notice the shift in your demeanour. You tried to nod which must have looked ridiculous since his hands hadn’t left your face. “I’m good, just nervous. I promise.”

He didn’t move away. He stayed there, hands holding your face as his eyes darted to assess if you were being truthful or not. His gaze didn’t meet your eyes as he spoke quietly, voice lower than it had been moments ago. “You know, there is one thing we haven’t covered off on.”

“What’s that?” You whispered.

“Where we had our first kiss.” His eyes lifted to look you in the eyes now as he tried to gauge your reaction.

You didn’t miss the way he licked his lips or the way his eyes kept dropping to stare at your mouth. Your brain was a mess and couldn’t work out if this was another test or if he was flirting with you now. All you knew in that moment was that you really wanted him to kiss you. “I, well, wouldn’t it be a month ago when you walked me home. We would have kissed on my door stop before you, ever the gentleman, took your leave.” You let your eyes fall to his lips, they looked soft and inviting and you really wanted to know what they’d feel like, what he’d taste like. Would his kiss be soft or would it be demanding?

“Oh, did you think I was a gentleman?” He moved his hand to push a strand of your hair back behind your ear and your breath hitched. He stilled and searched your eyes for any sign that he should stop and he found none. “Fuck it.” he breathed before closing the distance between the two of you and pressed his lips against yours.

For a moment you couldn’t do anything except stand there but then your body seemed to remember how to react and you reciprocated, kissing him back with fervour. He help you against him as your mouths moved and your kiss deepend. His lips were incredibly soft and skilled, which you silently thanked the universe for, and you could barely get enough of them.

The two of you parted only to catch your breaths as he pressed his forehead against yours. “Sorry if I overstepped a boundary or something but I’ve been wanting to do that for hours.”

“Don’t you dare apologise Chen.” His eyes widened as you pulled his face back down to yours and kissed his again, your tongue flicking against his as he walked you backwards until you were pressed against the wall. You could barely remember how to breathe as he peppered kisses along your jaw and neck before returning to your mouth and drawing your bottom lip between his teeth, causing you to moan.

Things only escalated from there, clothes were hastily stripped from your bodies as you made your way down the hall to your bedroom, leaving a trail of discarded garments in your wake, only breaking contact to lift his shirt over his head. Your kisses became more urgent and passionate as he pushed you down onto the bed.

The only word you have to describe the sex is ravaging. As you lie next to him, both of you panting trying to catch your breaths and have your heart rates return to normal you replay the events that just occurred. He’d pushed you down onto the bed and positioned himself at the end of the bed with his head between your legs. You’d tried to close your legs out of embarrassment but he held them open, telling you that you looked beautiful like this, all spread out just for him. He nipped, sucked and licked until you were a writhing mess begging for him to let you cum. He led you to the edge of your release repeatedly but backed off right before it hit you. “Do you want to cum doll? Maybe you should show me just how much you want me to let you cum.”

He stood at the end of the bed as you knelt on it and took his length into your mouth, working him over with vigour and need. He’d hissed and moaned when you took all of him in your mouth and moaned, telling you just how well you sucked cock. He didn’t let you finish him off. He pushed you back onto your back and pinned your hands above your head before entering you in one thrust. You’d cried out at the stretch and he’d stilled as you adjusted to him. When he started moving again you saw stars. He would alternate between rolling his hips and relentlessly pounding into you and soon enough you were screaming his name and begging for him to let you cum. This time he complied, chasing his own release shortly after yours crashed over you.

You giggled and he turned his head to look at you. “We’re going to be late now.” He laughed and pulled you against him to snuggle.

***

The party was more or less a success. You had turned up with Chen on your arm and hung out with your friends. It was almost too easy to forget why you were pissed with them when you were enjoying catching up on their lives and they were so engaged with yours but you didn’t forget.

When Suho came up to tell you how glad he was that Chen had come into your life so that you weren’t sad and alone any more you snapped. You told him in no uncertain terms that if it took having a boyfriend for him to want to catch up with you then he could shove his friendship up his ass because you deserved better. You didn’t hold back - you told him how upset you had been when all you wanted to do was hang out with your friends but you were rejected time and time again because you were alone. You told him how worthless he made you feel and how he should be ashamed of how he’d acted.

The party fell silent as everyone stood in shock at your outburst. After a few moments you heard a slow whistle followed by Baekhyun’s voice. “Dude, you fucked uuuup.” You turned on him next.

“No Baekhyun. All of you fucked up.” He shut up after that.

When you were done telling all of them just how terribly they’d treated you Chen took your arm and gently pulled you to him. “I think we’ll be taking our leave now.”

He took you home. The ride home was silent as he let you process your thoughts and emotions. He rested his hand on the console, palm facing up as an invitation to take his hand should you need it. You didn’t need it but you wanted the comfort of his touch so you took it and he gently squeezed your hand.

“For the record, you did the right thing and for what it’s worth I’m proud of you.” He paused. “I could see the internal struggle you were having all night and I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to go through with your plan.” His tone was so gentle and it made you feel warm and safe.

“Until I did it I honestly didn’t know if I would.” You whispered. He squeezed your hand again and continued driving in silence. When you arrived at your home he walked you up to your doorstep and embraced you. You relaxed into the hug and smiled.

“So, now comes the business end of my deal.” You stiffened at his words. You’d completely forgotten that he had told you there would be a price for having him pretend to be your boyfriend. Apprehension seeped through your veins as you waited for him to enlighten you.

His silence got the better of you. “What’s the price?”

“A real date. In three days time.” He watched your face break out into a genuine smile, one he could get used to seeing, before you pulled him down into a kiss.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it!

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