#not putting this on ao3 because it's 100% getting worked into the endgame for her fic

[direwombat]

oooh how about “5. that emotional moment that you can't find a plot for” for the short fic challenge with fragile creatures:3

god i'm so sorry for dropping this 3k beast for a prompt fill but...it ran away from me. M to E range for some light smut but please enjoy syb going reaching her braking point :)

When Sybille calls Jacob to meet her in the mountains, she has every intention of killing him. 

It was a decision she had made a long time ago. All of the Seeds are dangerous in their own right. John was volatile. Joseph is cunning. Even Faith had a way of distorting reality to her whims. But she’d been confident she could find a non-violent solution to neutralize and bring those three to justice (although, her success in that matter could be debated). Jacob, on the other hand, based on what she knows about him — and she knows more than most — he’s not going to give her any other choice. He’ll die for the Project. For his family. And she gets the distinct feeling that the only way she can bring the others to justice is if he’s six feet under. 

Without him, the Cult loses its strength. They’ll be weak. Vulnerable. It’ll only be a matter of time before they crumble and fall apart entirely. 

It’s the smart, tactical move. 

Killing Jacob means a swifter victory. 

It also means killing the only person who’s ever seen her for who she truly is. Not the big sister or quasi-mother figure her brother sees. Not the Deputy or some sort of savior the rest of the county thinks she is. 

Her. He sees her. A woman whose fear is only overpowered by her stubbornness and who desperately fights to protect the people of the county because if she can’t do that, then what fucking good is she? He sees how she shoulders the burden of Soldier and Commander. How she bears the familiar mantle and ignores the consuming dread that when this is all said and done, they’re just going to discard her the same way the military did when they deemed her unfit for further service. 

Some people — people like Joseph — are born for greatness. But people like her, and people like Jacob? They’re born to die, because in the end, they're more useful as martyrs. Tools used to forge the path of victory. Never the victors themselves. 

He understands this, and aside from herself, she thinks he’s the only person in the damn county who does. She just wishes he also saw the tragedy in it too. 

Which only fucking makes this all the more fucking difficult. To say things are complicated between the two of them would be an understatement. The intense eye contact. The clandestine meetings. The way he fucks and gives her everything she didn’t know she needed — only you, only you, only you. She’ll never admit it because admitting it would make it real, but there’s a not insignificant part of her that thinks she might love him. 

But this is war. Her feelings have no place here and she can’t let them cloud her judgment. She’s better — stronger — than that. 

So, she called Jacob on their private channel under the usual pretense and told him to pick her up on the road towards their cabin. 

She walks into the biting winds, her fists shoved so deep in her jacket pockets that she threatens to punch straight through them. The leather of her bomber jacket does well to keep her torso warm, but the denim of her jeans just make her legs go stiff as she trudges through the snow. Off in the distance is the roar of an engine, smoothly changing gears to accommodate the slope. All the Peggie trucks sound the same, and a small, selfish part of her is grateful he’ll be here soon, if only so she can get out of the weather. 

A few moments later, she’s silhouetted by the vehicle’s headlights. Her shadow cuts a stark shape into the bright white snow on the ground. She turns around, shielding her eyes, and squints into the light. Scratched and dirty eggshell paint, a black cross painted on its hood; she may not be able to see the driver, but as it pulls to a halt a few meters from her and flashes its beams, she knows it’s him. 

She stomps her way over to the passenger door and flings it open. The rattling heater working overtime to warm the cab is a welcome balm to her freezing face and legs. She climbs in, and after slamming the door shut, she rides through an embarrassing full body shiver. “Gotta wear more than a pair of jeans if you plan on hiking up here,” Jacob says in the exact same way he’s told her dozens of times before. She grunts in response, and he doesn’t wait for her to buckle her seat belt before he starts driving again. 

She doesn’t quite settle into the hard leather seat. Too tense, too twitchy, and she knows Jacob notices because he notices everything. Her right hand unclenches in her pocket to instead grip the ice cold pistol tucked next to it. Her teeth peel off a flake of her dry and chapped lips, drawing blood, and she flicks the safety off with an Earth shattering click, but she doesn’t pull it from her pocket. 

Jacob looks at her from the corner of his eye and sighs heavily. “Whatever you’re going to do, Jackrabbit, better do it now.”

It isn’t a threat. It isn’t even a warning. Infuriatingly, she’d call it an order. An acknowledgement of her own ‘now-or-never’ tendencies. If she doesn’t kill him now, she never will. The deep breath she takes doesn’t steel her nerves at all, but as she pulls out her gun and points it at him, her hand is steady. Her voice, however, wavers. “Drive,” is all she says. 

He flares his fingers on the wheel, holding it in the space between his forefinger and thumb — it’s as close to a conceding gesture as he can make — before having to close his grip again to take a bend in the road. “I take it we’re not going to the cabin,” he says after a moment’s silence. 

“Shut up,” she snaps. She shoves the gun towards him emphatically, her finger on the trigger.

There’s a peculiar set to his jaw. It isn’t anger, or even disappointment. It’s something much deeper than that. His shoulders are square and tense; it’s how he’s carried himself every other time they’ve come to blows. But something is different here.

He’s…proud.

She’s not fucking around and he knows it. Knows that his end very well might come with his brains splattered across the interior of his truck. For the first time since they’ve met, his life is in her hands. Not the other way around. And he’d rather die by no one else’s. He doesn’t push her — not even with a smarmy, “Yes, ma’am,” —  not when the distance between her and the edge is minuscule. 

He shuts his mouth and he doesn’t open it. 

He doesn’t ask where they’re going; he knows it doesn’t matter. They pass the small dirt road that leads to their cabin and continue climbing the summit. The silence thickens as the air thins, the atmosphere in the cab heavy and oppressive. A storm cloud ready to burst. 

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you,” she finally says when they turn around to start descending the mountain. One reason. That’s all she’s asking for. It’s all she needs to not have to go through with this.  

He smiles and gives her a glance from the crinkling corner of his eye. “You and I both know I can’t do that, sweetheart,” he answers softly. Of course she does. What reason could possibly alleviate the weight of his crimes and sins? What reason could make her shirk her duties as an officer of the law and let him live?

There’s only one, and it’s not something he can tell her. It’s one she has to admit to herself.

“Is this what you want?” he then asks, and were she standing, she might have actually staggered backwards.

“What I — What I want?” she stammers. “You know damn well this ain’t about what I want.” It never has been. All her life she’s done shit she never wanted to do. She never wanted to drop out of school when mama got sick, but she had to if they wanted to survive. She never wanted to become her brother’s legal guardian after her parents’ murder-suicide, but who would look after him if she didn’t? She never wanted to become the county’s Soldier of Fortune, but no one else had the skills needed to take down the Project at Eden’s Gate. 

And look where that got her.

She never wanted any of this.

“Then why do it?”

She narrows her eyes. The family resemblance has never been more obvious. “You are in no place to be asking questions here,” and she presses the mouth of the barrel just under his jaw. Her breath comes out ragged as she fights against the burning sensation pricking at her eyes. “Ain’t this what you’re all about. Huh? Being stronger than your enemies and shit?”

“If that’s what I am to you.”

“Stop that!” she snaps. “Enough! Enough with the mind games! Stay out of my damn head!”

“I’m not playing any,” he says quietly, and he sounds so impossibly earnest that she doesn’t keep him from slowing the truck to a stop. 

“Bullshit!” she cries. “How else can you be so calm about this?” Why is he just sitting there and letting her do this? Why isn’t he fighting back? What does he have up his sleeve?

“Because I know that whatever you’ve decided, there’s nothing I can do to stop you.”

That scream that’s been building in her lungs threatens to tear free. “You don’t get it, do you?”she hisses through gritted teeth. Tears escape against her best efforts. “You’re the only one who can stop me.” Only you. Only you can make this change in me. Her hand flexes around the gun’s grip, index finger trembling over the trigger. “So, stop me, Jacob,” she pleads. “Stop me.”

And he could toy with her. God knows she’s making it so easy for him. You surrenderin’, Deputy? You askin’ for me to take control? He could make her admit it, force her to verbalize her own fucking weakness. But he doesn’t. This isn’t the time for games. She’s already coming to him with her ribs cracked open and heart exposed. Hold it, rip it out — she doesn’t give a damn what he does with it. She just needs him to do something. 

He stares at her with those fucking eyes of his, like he’s staring into the goddamn depths of her fucking soul. “Put the gun down,” he says, only rather than coming out harsh and commanding, the order is soft. Almost gentle. His hand covers her’s over its grip, warm and large. He eases her finger off the trigger and slips the safety in place. “Sybille,” he murmurs, “Put the gun down.”

Weak. She’s so fucking weak. Her eyes squeeze shut, fighting back the tears already spilingl over. In all this time, not once has she cried. Not when Dutch told her she was the only one to escape from the helicopter crash. Not when she stood helpless as John bled out in front of her. Not even when her brother had taken on the mantle of Faith. But here? At the end — because that’s what this is: the end of her fighting, the end of her resistance, the end of the rope she’s been wearing as a noose — here, she finally lets herself cry. 

He carefully loosens the pistol from her grip, taking it from her and placing it on the dashboard.

After her pathetic display, he ought to put it against her forehead and cull her instead. She’s shown him the soft fleshy parts she keeps hidden behind her slowly fracturing psyche. The kindest thing he could do is just put her out of her fucking misery. But he doesn’t. Instead, he cradles her face and pulls her in until she feels the heat of his breath fanning against her skin. 

“Sybille,” he says, and the rough pad of his thumb wipes a tear from her cheek. “Open your eyes.” 

And like a good soldier, she does as she’s told. This is just the first of many orders she’s going to take from this man. He’ll tell her to jump and her only question is going to be “how high?” This is it. The tipping of the scales. The point of no return. He’s done it. He’s won. She can’t go back from this. He made her weak. He broke her. He’s going to put the pieces back together however he wants — make her whatever he wants — and she is going to let him. 

She failed. Her mother, her brother, Hope County, herself, she failed them all. 

But she never failed him. Not even when she actively tried. 

There’s a question in his eyes, eyes she wants nothing more than to fall into and drown in. He doesn’t ask it out loud. She’s not sure if he can, but he needs to hear her answer. “Yes,” she breathes, her voice cracking. “Only you. Only you.” And then his lips are on hers in a soft and gentle press. 

She shudders in his arms as he embraces her, dragging her over the gear shift between them and into his lap. A high pitched whimper escapes as she presses herself against him, her mouth opening invitingly and he eagerly welcomes himself inside. He kisses her until she can’t breathe and then he keeps going, greedily stealing the air from her lungs, her soul from her body. She grips his jacket so tight her knuckles go white, and when she can’t take it any more, when they finally break, the hand he has resting at her hip pushes her heated core against him. 

With a low groan, her head falls back, exposing the pale column of her throat. “That’s it,” Jacob murmurs against her skin, dragging his teeth lightly over her jugular and sucking a bruise above her collar — finally marking her in a way that will tell everyone who she belongs to. “Give in, sweetheart. Surrender to me.”

And she does. God help her, she does.

He could do anything he liked to her in this moment, and she wouldn’t fight him. 

She shifts against him, rolling her hips and arching her back as her fingers come twine through his hair, less to guide him and more to steady herself. Tethered to him like he’s a lifeline, she’s liable to drift away if she lets go. An anchor, he grounds her and holds her steady. She’s been adrift so long, battered by wave after wave of misery that it’s a miracle she was never pulled under. But here, with him, she’s finally found her port in the storm

He pulls off her coat, violently peeling it off her arms and exposing her skin to the chilled air inside the cab. She shivers, not because of the cold but out of anticipation, and she’s dipping down to kiss him again. They only break long enough for her to pull her t-shirt over her head and toss it onto the passenger seat. His hands, rough and blazingly hot, stroke her sides, trailing up to cup her tits and thumb at the stiffening peaks of her nipples. 

With a growl, he rips her bra off and she gasps, goosebumps prickling and her hair raising to stand on end. She moans his name and helps him slide her jeans and panties down her hips before she tugs off his belt. Her fingers dance over the button and fly. She pulls him out and wastes no time lining herself up.

There’s a mutual exhalation of breath as she sinks down on him. The breath is pushed from her as he breaches her. He’s a lot to take even if she’s prepped, but she can’t wait for that. She needs him. All her focus goes to the stretching burn as he fills her, rocking her hips until she’s taken him fully. Her head swims at the litany of filthy praise that rolls off Jacob's tongue, and when she finally relaxes, fully adjusted and her legs giving out, his hands come to rest heavy at her hips. A strangled moan escapes her lips, her forehead coming to rest on his shoulder as he starts moving. 

They don’t fuck. It’s far too tender to be called that. Jacob has never been a gentle lover, and she can’t deny that during most of their encounters, her own actions were driven by that white-hot combination of rage and lust. But here, there’s none of that. He looks at her with adoration, and every touch is reverant. Here, all she feels is the overwhelming and almost painful intensity of her desire and affection for the man. She loves him.

She loves him, she loves him, she loves him.

And he loves her back.

They rock against each other like they have all the time in the world. Slow, leisurely movements with no worry of being caught or having to rush back to their respective people. It isn’t just some itch to be scratched. This means something. They read each other in ways no one else is capable of doing, letting the pleasure ebb and flow to prolong the end for as long as they can. 

Inevitably though, the tightening coils knotting in their stomachs demand a break in tension. The rocking turns to rutting, and as it does, she lifts her head to press her brow heavily against his, staring him right in the eyes. Her hands run up the musculature of his torso, coming to cradle his face as his grip tightens on her hips and he guides them both towards their beautiful, ecstatic release. 

Stars burst behind her eyelids and she shudders as he cums, warming her from the inside out. Panting heavily, she slumps, boneless against him and presses lazy, open mouthed kisses to his neck as they both catch their breath and the fog of lust lifts. She whimpers as Jacob maneuvers her, tucking her into his chest and her head underneath his chin. But he never pulls out. His cum leaks from her around his softening cock and she grips tightly at his jacket. His arms are wrapped around her, holding her close as he strokes her hair. 

“What happens now?” she whispers. A dark nugget of fear forms in her gut as the afterglow fades and shadows creep back in. For the first time in decades, she’s at a loss for what to do next. 

“Now, I take you home, back where you belong,” he says. 

Home. The word causes something warm and fuzzy to bloom in her chest. He’s been telling her he would do so since this thing between them started. At first she thought it was a threat, and maybe then it was, but now? Now it’s a promise. “And then in the morning you and I are going to talk with Joseph.”

The mention of his brother makes her stomach knot and she instinctually curls in on herself. She stares up at him, weak and doe-eyed. “Don’t…don’t let him take me from you.”

“I won’t,” he says, drawing her in for another kiss. “Your place is with me, Jackrabbit. I’m not gonna let anyone take you.”

“Okay,” she says quietly. She takes a deep breath and for the first time since this all began, she says, “Take me home, Jacob.”

[pebblysand]

[THE BEST OF THE BEST] - [MULTIFANDOM FIC REC LIST]

if you’re in need of something to read, welcome to the crème-de-la-crème rec list. this rec list is multi-fandom, and contains all of my all-time faves, the ogs that will always stay the closest to my heart. i will keep it linked and accessible and try to update it... whenever. for a more up-to-date version, please see my ao3 bookmarks here.

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BEST OF 2021 SUMMER 2022

BOY WITH A SCAR by @ink-splotch (SERIES) (MULTIPLE POVS) (AU) (<250K)

“This Ginny had never met a diary. But she had still died once, though in a flaming home and not a cold, damp castle basement. She had still been reborn into something her mother would always love and never fully understand.” this series by the same author explores canon through unbelievably well-written what-if AUs. i haven’t read all of them because they tend to give me a lot of feels and live in my head for days after that, so I’m taking my time. this being said, one of the ones i have read is the kids who choose themselves and i couldn’t recommend it enough. it might tear you up, though, consider yourself warned.

THE CHANGELING by @annerbhp (POV GINNY WEASLEY) (AU) (<200K)

if you gravitate anywhere close to hinny circles, chances are, you've already heard of this fic. i'm not quite sure what to add to what literally everyone else has said before me, aside from the fact that it is absolutely amazing and 100% deserves the hype. it honestly took me ages to get to because i initially couldn’t get behind the idea of ginny being sorted into slytherin and what a mistake! as soon as i started, i could not put this down. i think what i absolutely love with this fic, above the fact that the writing style is gorgeous, is the characterisation. particularly, the work put into developing ginny's character, and the way growing up in slytherin affects her. it really makes you question nature v. nurture. and, i think a lot of what-if-so-and-so-was-in-another-house fics tend to irk me because they tend to gloss over how that house and the friendships developed (v. those of canon) would affect the characters. this fic is definitely the opposite. it dives in to characterisation, and makes you think about people in ways you probably never have before. nothing is really ever black and white, and the character work is stellar. the following works in the series are great as well, but this is really the one that got me hooked. this instalment is generally gen but the ultimate endgame of the series is harry/ginny.

WE MUST UNITE INSIDE OUR WALLS OR WE WILL CRUMBLE WITHIN by @ink-splotch (SERIES) (MULTIPLE POVS) (CANON-COMPLIANT) (<50K)

"Annie, eleven, watched her mother come to the decision that Bella was someone you pointed at people." this series is one of the most beautiful things i've ever read. it's a collection of character studies themed around the four hogwarts houses. the writing style is very unusual and so poetic and beautiful. i'm an absolute stan.

THE SEAM BETWEEN by @copper-dust (POV HARRY POTTER) (CANON COMPLIANT) (<50K)

i fell in love with this story before making friends with the author, i swear. in fact, that's how we met haha. this is honestly one of the most beautiful things i have ever read. it's one of those beautifully nostalgic stories in which everything and nothing happens, and is my absolute ultimate headcanon for what happened during the summer of '95. it's beautiful, the style is flawless - go read it! i fell in love with this story before making friends with the author, i swear. in fact, that's how we met haha. this is honestly one of the most beautiful things i have ever read. it's one of those beautifully nostalgic stories in which everything and nothing happens, and is my absolute ultimate headcanon for what happened during the summer of '95. it's beautiful, the style is flawless - go read it!

WARM FRONT by @jiilys (POV HARRY POTTER) (CANON COMPLIANT) (<10K)

this is kind of fluff-with-a-plot post war fic that I adore. if you’re looking for a funny, well-written, feel-good and realistic fic to read, i would highly recommend this. additionally, it's another one of those fics where harry goes away/travelling directly after the war, which is a trope i definitely have a weakness for. the dialogue in this is impeccable and i love the presence of teddy and andromeda as well.

MAPS TO THE STARS' HOME by lizbee (POV HARRY POTTER) (AU) (<10K)

out of all the fics on this list, this is probably in the top 3. it's another (i know, i know) one of those harry-fucks-off-after-the-war but it's just - the most beautiful thing in the world. the writing is so utterly brilliant and perfect. it’s poetic, realistic, funny, sad, and is incredibly canon-compliant considering it was written before book seven came out. plus, the non-linear timeline is just So Well Done. i'm speechless every time i read it. it’s everything i wish i could write if i was better at writing. the way it intermingles the muggle and wizarding worlds as well is incredible. honestly can’t recommend it enough.

WE ONLY MAKE TSUNAMIS by dis0rderly (POV OMNISCIENT) (CANON COMPLIANT) (<25K)

this is probably one of the best fics I have ever read, period. to me, it's the harry/hermione classic, in a its-romantic-because-it-never-happened kind of way. the writing is gorgeous. it is about fate, expectations and things that don’t happen (and sometimes, that’s okay). it will break your heart. it's honestly haunting. (and the title is fucking perfect).

‘TIL THE SIRENS COME CALLING by vexmybones (POV OMNISCIENT) (AU) (<25K)

same as the above. on my top ten favourite fics of all time, similar themes. will rip your heart out with a sense of the way that life happens. also, good smut.

DECAY OF YOUR GOLDEN CITY by soapboxblues (POV HERMIONE GRANGER) (CANON-COMPLIANT) (<3K)

this one is also incredibly sad, but beautifully written. it is a very dark take on post-war, with harry slowly slipping into alcoholism. it’s very subtle, very delicate, and one big heartbreak. tagged harmony, though honestly you could read it as gen. some of the lines in this are just heartwrenching and absolutely gorgeous. Hermione here is talking about her and Harry, romantically: "there was a time a time she thought about it. two, actually. (…) now she thinks about it all the time - wondering what she was thinking” it’s the slow and painful breakdown of the trio in this that gets me too in this. very dark but gorge.

IS THAT SUCH A STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION? by aceofdiamonds (HP/GOSSIP GIRL CROSSOVER) (BLAIR/HARRY) (POV SPLIT) (CANON COMPLIANT) (<100K)

so, look: have i ever watched gossip girl? nope. did i solely jump on this bandwagon because i stan the author? sure. is it fucking amazing? absolutely. this is so, so beautiful. it’s the harry-dating-a muggle-trope done so, bloody, fucking well. it’s poetic, heart-warming, realistic, incredibly well-written and i absolutely loved it. you can 100% read this if you haven’t watched gossip girl before, trust me it's brilliant. it also broadens the wizarding world, normalises muggle/wizard relationships and opens up so many doors - i so, so, love this.

THIRTY-FIVE OWLS by letterblade (GRINDELWALD/DUMBLEDORE) (POV SPLIT) (CANON COMPLIANT) (&lt;10K)

i named this as my favourite fic of 2022, which is a bit unlikely given that this is not a pairing i typically read, but i could not put this down. this fic is an exchange of letters between grindelwald and dumbledore that spreads over years, after grindelwald's arrest. the character's voices in this are incredible, the characterisation is on point -- i could not recommend this enough.

i'm placing these in a separate category because i know some people don't like WIPs, but in this house, we do, so here are a few recs for you.

THE SQUIB by @btelling (GEN) (POV MULTIPLE) (AU) (<25K)

this fic is also one of the best things i've ever read in my life. it lives in my head rent-free and is absolutely insanely brilliant. nargles' ability to say so much in such a small amount of words is absolutely unmatched. the basic pitch is: following the end of the second wizarding war, muggles found out about the existence of wizards and, seeking revenge for the hurt they suffered as a result of voldemort’s reign, they started to hunt wizards down. the fic takes place in this post-apocalyptic/dystopian post-DH world and centers on hermione, harry and ginny as they try to survive. the writing is absolutely stellar. it’s slightly harry/ginny and ron/hermione (as well as seamus/dean, whoop, whoop - funnily enough, it's partly what motivated to write the fault) but romance is not the main focus. it contains absolutely beautifully heartbreaking quotes like this:  Harry threw up and picked at the scar on his forehead until it bled. Like it’d ache again, and they’d have problems they knew how to solve. if you enjoy this fic would like to listen to nargles talk about her work, you can head over here!

THE WANDSMITH'S APPRENTICE by @marycontraire (SEAMUS/DEAN) (POV DEAN THOMAS) (CANON COMPLIANT) (<50K)

this fic was in my summer 2022 wrapped but i could not fail to include it in the massive rec list as well. it’s a post-war story (and, we all know i love post-war) told from dean’s pov. the premise of this story is that dean takes on an apprenticeship with ollivander and, i suppose, life ensues. i cannot stress enough how much i truly adore this work. first of all, the writing is stellar. i totally fell in love with dean’s characterisation in this, which is so on point - i love the world the author has built around his family, his sisters, his parents (his mum!), their lives, ect. so many OCs that feel real. the fic also really explores what life looks like for muggleborns, existing with a foot in both worlds, especially after the war, and the impact magic can have (positively or negatively on muggles' lives). the worldbuilding around wandmaking is also frankly mindblowing and the amount of detail marycontraire has put into the creating and crafting of wands, as well as ollivander, his mind, his work, his shop, etc. is truly next level. the deamus is also the loveliest. i love seamus in this. i was in absolute awe. 

KNOWING WHERE TO LOOK by @ala-baguette (GEN) (POV GAWAIN ROBARDS) (CANON COMPLIANT) (<250K)

i like to think of knowing as castles' sister from another mister. it is a post-war, canon-compliant, adult continuation of the books, and literally everything i've ever wanted and loved in a post-war fic. the outsider's pov is absolutely incredible, the worldbuilding and wizarding politics are stellar, as well as the characterisation. the fic is regularly updated and honestly, every time i get an email notifying me, i get the brightest smile all day. also, @ala-baguette is one of the nicest people i've met in fandom, and interviewing her on the podcast was an absolute joy. if you fancy a listen, it's here.

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UNDEFINED by orbythesea (GEORGETOWN) (POV ALICIA FLORRICK) (WILLICIA) (<10K)

i re-read this recently and i don't think i've ever read a fic so perfect. it is the top-tier of the top-tier, the canon for georgetown era willicia and will shatter your heart into a thousand pieces. i would highly recommend reading the entire series (and anything by orbythesea for that matter) but this one is the ultimate gold. it really made me think of one of the key themes of the good wife, a dissertation on the decisions you make as a "kid" which then shape the direction of the rest of your life. both will and alicia are so in character in this, and the entire cast of recurring orbythesea OCs is lovely.

A BETTER GRACE by @tessiete (WILL GARDNER CENTRIC) (POST 5X15-ISH) (<5K)

when i interviewed tess on the podcast and she told me this was based off the myth of narcissus i was like "mmmh" and in my head "omgofcoursehowdidinotseethisbefore?!" despite what the author herself claims about it not being "legal" enough, this is a very good fic, which i would highly recommend. it's an interesting take on will/his own reflection, and is written absolutely beautifully. it has that heartbreaking tone all post-5x15 fics have, and no, i'm still not over it.

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SPOOKS

LIFE DURING WARTIME by likeyourefuse (POV ADAM CARTER) (AU) (<3K)

i'm sorry. how can such a short story in fandom i've barely ever been in fucking HAUNT me this much?? it's an AU set in a world where the coup at the end of s4 isn't stopped, and the uk falls into a dictatorship. i don't want to quote it cause it's at the very end but the last three paragraphs are all i can think about when i can't sleep at three o'clock in the morning. swear to god.

PEAKY BLINDERS

FIVE FEVERS by ariadness_string (POV TOMMY SHELBY) (AU) (&lt;5K)

this fic is truly unbelievably beautiful. it covers the presence of illness/fevers in the shelbys' lives. there is so much soul and heart in this story, especially now in hindsight with what we know about ruby. part of it isn’t canon anymore (we know their mum didn’t die in childbirth but by suicide) but this is such a gorgeously written story. the characterisation is spot on, not only with tommy, but with all the characters as well. i love (love love) may in this, and tommy “detoxing” from grace. polly is so on point. truly unbelievably good. probably one of my fave PB fics ever. 

[kakairu-rocks]

Calling all KakaIru creators! Kakashi has gone missing, and Iruka needs help getting through the maze to save him! He is seeking a talented creator to guide him through and conquer all the prompts blocking the path to Kakashi. If not, well… there’s no telling what will happen to him! 

So if you think you’ve got what it takes to face the Supernatural & Paranormal and aid Iruka, please SIGN UP HERE to join him on his adventure!

And you’d better hurry, because sign ups close on 30th June - if the journey is put off any longer, it might be too late!

Mazes will be handed out by 1st July, and the creation period is from 1st July - 31st August. We ask that you don’t post anything before then!

Mission Details:

You will be given a maze that has Iruka at the beginning, and Kakashi at the end. The goal will be for you to help Iruka find Kakashi, who has gone missing. To do this, you must figure out the path to reach him. But there’s a catch. 

Scattered throughout the maze will be different symbols, which mark a trap or other danger that Iruka has to face to continue on. Each symbol represents a different prompt, which will be listed in a key below the maze; and the only way Iruka can get past is for you to make a creation for the prompt that is blocking him. 

Once you have finished creating something for all the prompts along the path, Kakashi will be saved, and you will have completed the challenge! 

Guidelines:

If there are multiple paths on your maze, you can choose whichever route you like to get to Kakashi, even if it’s the long way around!

You do not have to draw the path you’ve decided to take, you only have to create something for the prompts you come across along it. 

You can make creations for as many prompts as you like, but you must get all the prompts along the path to Kakashi to win the challenge.

Minimum requirements: 100 words for fics, completed sketch for art. 

Chapter fics don’t need to be complete to count!

Creations will be accepted in any language! 

If you finish your maze, you can contact mod @kakairu-shrine​ for another one to do!

Rules:

All content must be created for this event – old/ recycled work will not be allowed.

This is a KakaIru event, so all works must be endgame KakaIru.

Triggering, sensitive & NSFW content must be tagged appropriately. If it isn’t, we will not share it. 

Where to post:

Kakairu Rocks Forum: SFW content in the Fanworks section, and NSFW or triggering content in the Lemon Bar (You must be a forum member, and 18+ to have access to the Lemon Bar).

We have an AO3 Collection you can post to, which will be open until 15th September (Kakashi’s birthday!); and we would like you to use the tag KakaIru Maze Challenge 2022.

Tag us here on Tumblr with the prompt your work is for, and/ or use kakairu maze challenge 2022 in the tags.

On Twitter, tag @kkirrocksevents and use #KakaIruMazeChallenge2022 

All tagged work will be shared by us, and a masterpost will be created at the end of the event!

If you have any questions about the KakaIru Maze Challenge, please contact us!

We also invite you to read Part 2 of Liberation, this year’s event fic, under the cut!

Liberation: Part 2

(CW: mild graphic descriptions)

Iruka was on edge. He had reached the pub that Tsunade had mentioned in her message, and the street was empty. Everything had closed up for the night, so no one was around, since there wasn’t any point in visiting this district; but considering there was a pub here, it should have been anything but quiet. 

So that meant either one of two things: Kakashi had done his job before he disappeared, and the pub was closed for clean up, or the vampire situation was worse than everyone thought, and the entire pub was now a coven base, and closed off to the public. If it was the latter, Iruka had to be very careful, or Tsunade may have to send people to investigate his disappearance, too.

With that thought in mind, Iruka approached the pub; and eyeing off the ‘Closed’ sign at the front, snuck around the building to find another entrance. More often than not, if vampires were involved, these buildings said that they were closed, and the front would probably be locked, but there was always at least one door that was unlocked - vampires generally didn’t need the security that humans did, and thieves who broke in were easy meals. 

Iruka made his way through the alleyway that separated the pub from the shop next to it, and followed the path past the overflowing industrial bins, right to the very back; and when he reached the gravelly back area, and saw dark stains and ashes scattered across the ground, he quickly reached for his stake, now on high alert. There had clearly been a fight here, and things didn’t look good. 

When nothing jumped out at him, Iruka eased a little, and used his free hand to grab his torch and turn it on to investigate the area more properly; and when the light shone on the ground, nausea swirled in his gut. There ashes scattered across the ground were enough for at least three or four dead vampires; and those stains, all shining bright blue when he switched his torch to its UV setting, were definitely blood, and, whilst all dried up, still seemed fresh enough to be from about a week earlier; and, knowing that vampires would never waste their food like this, Iruka was sure it was Kakashi’s. 

The idea made him feel so sick, because he had worked with Kakashi before, and knew how competent he was, and that he should have been able to handle a job like this easily, without much bloodshed, so for him to have bled this much meant that something had gone horribly wrong. Were there more vampires than anticipated? Did they attack him off-guard?

Iruka continued on cautiously towards the back metal door, which was dented where someone, or something had slammed into it; and he carefully pushed it open, not sure what to expect on the other side. After a few seconds of nothing, Iruka entered the building, aiming his UV light at the entrance as he stepped through; and looked around.

He was in the kitchen, which was mostly clean, besides one old cling-wrapped tray of prepped food that the last person on shift hadn’t had a chance to put away before they were attacked by vampires; and looking around, there didn’t seem to be anyone, or any vampires here. In fact, the more he tried to listen out for life, the more silent and deserted the area seemed to feel - he didn’t even feel like he was being watched; so, finding nothing of interest in the area, he moved on. 

The doorway Iruka entered took him to the bar and dining room; and as he shone his torch around, keeping the UV light on in case a vampire was waiting to ambush him, he saw an alarming amount of bright blue marks. He knew that not all of it would be blood, as this was a pub, and things got spilled all the time, and that if he did find blood, there was a good chance it wasn’t related to vampires, because again, it was a pub, and people had probably fought and had medical emergencies here; but he was still weary, and looking out for more. If Kakashi had started bleeding outside, then surely, he would have left a trail in here, too…

As Iruka explored the dining area, he didn’t find any stains that spelled out blood, but he did spot a couple of piles of dust on the carpet, and flicked his torch to its plain setting to take a better look at the suspicious mess. Just as he expected, they were vampire ashes; and that concerned him, because this was supposed to be a small coven, so four to six vampires; and he’d barely searched the building and had already found evidence of that many taken down. Just how many vampires had Kakashi been up against? How could someone get such an important detail about the coven size so wrong?

When Iruka was satisfied with his job in the dining room, he moved on to the bathrooms, and found another clump of ashes in the women’s one; and when he left again, he took a moment to scan the pub with his torch, figuring out where to go next, when a really awful smell hit his nose. It smelled like rotting meat, but worse, with a disgusting sickly sweetness to it; and it made him feel really nauseous, not just because it was sickening, but because in his years of being a vampire slayer, he recognised the stench to be of a dead body; and if it was a dead body... Well, with Kakashi missing, his mind was wandering in awful places, assuming horrible things.

Iruka shook his head, and continued on, following the scent. The only way he’d be able to write off his fears was by seeing for himself what the source really was. 

The bad smell led Iruka to a small flight of stairs that was supposed to be locked up and secure by a door that needs an electronic key, for patrons staying in one of the rooms above, but the door was instead propped open and the alarm system disabled, probably for vampires to come and go as they pleased. 

As Iruka went up, he was less tense than when he first arrived, because the fact that there was a decomposing dead body up there probably meant that there weren’t any vampires waiting for him, because they had better senses than him, and he doubted any of them would want to live around the stench. 

About halfway up, Iruka confirmed his assumptions when he saw a couple of piles of ashes scattered along the stairs; but even though Kakashi had clearly taken out the vampires that had been up here, he still continued on, because what if Kakashi was still up there and hadn’t been able to move all this time because of life-threatening wounds? What if he was unconscious, and needed immediate help?

Iruka picked up the pace; and at the top of the building, when the stench became unbearable, he half-buried his nose in his jacket in an attempt to block it out; and as he looked around, he saw five rooms and a bathroom, all with their doors wide open. He went through them one by one, moving much more quickly through the two that had dead bodies in them; and when he saw no sign of Kakashi, nor any vampires that hadn’t been taken care of, he went back downstairs to see if there were any more hidey-holes he’d missed.

When Iruka came back to the dining room, he stood at the doorway, and took a long, scrutinising look around the area; and his eyes landed on the bar. It looked pretty small, and didn’t seem stocked with much alcohol - there was maybe a couple of day’s worth there; and it made him wonder where the rest was kept, because the pub surely wouldn’t be this low. He didn’t recall seeing any in the kitchen area with all the other food when he had been in there, so there had to be another room somewhere…

Iruka wandered over to the bar, and as he got closer, the smell of alcohol became really strong; and when he saw several broken bottles on the ground, he quickly flicked his torch to UV light, and gripped ahold of his stake. Not only had a fight been here, there was more blood; and it looked like someone had been dragged off.

Iruka studied the trail, following it straight to a red velvet curtain draped down the wall on one side of the bar; and when he approached it and pulled the curtain aside, his eyes narrowed when he saw a door behind it marked ‘Bar Staff Only’. He reached for the handle, and pulled down, only to find that it was locked; and as he searched for something to hang the curtain into so he could try and pick the lock, he saw a small hook near the top of a display shelf that showcased a few bottles of alcohol people could choose from, and hanging off it was a small steel key.

Iruka grabbed the key and tried it on the lock; and when it opened with a little click, he opened the door, pocketed the key, and shone his torch through the entrance, to a flight of stairs that crept into an eerie darkness down below, the only light being vibrant blue droplets where the UV light was picking up the continuing trail of blood. He swallowed nervously as he stared down into the abyss. What would he find? Was this where Kakashi was? Would he still be alive?

Iruka shook his head, clearing his mind of dark thoughts, and began his descent downstairs. If Kakashi was down there, he was going to be alive. He had to be.

The further Iruka went down, the cooler the air became, with icy tendrils wrapping around his exposed skin and trying to poke through his clothes to cover him all over; and by the time he reached the base of the stairs, his breath was billowing out in foggy clouds like he was an ice dragon making frost with its breath.

The cold told him he was far enough below ground that not even a single ray of sun would ever reach here; and that made him more tense, because if he had to fight vampires down here, then he wouldn’t be able to rely on the slowly rising sun to save him, as it had many times before. He was completely on his own.

Up ahead was a small brick tunnel that had light bulbs fixed along the wall; and after a little searching, Iruka found a switch beside him. When he flicked it, the bulbs turned on, illuminating the tunnel with a dim, golden light; and as Iruka looked straight ahead, he saw a wooden door with a slot of metal bars built into it around eye level, waiting for him on the other side. 

With no enemies in sight, Iruka hurried forward, still continuing to be as quiet as possible, and made his way to the door, his mind running wild with all the possible things he would possibly see behind it. 

Finally, he was there; and he peeked into the barred slot to see what he would find, but it was pitch black, so he aimed his torch inside to get some light in. From where he was standing, he could see boxes stacked on the floor of various brands of alcohol, and some shelves filled with bottles; but that was all he could get a glimpse on in the tiny space he’d been looking through; so he stepped back to open the door.

There were two large latch locks on the top and bottom of the door keeping it shut; and much to Iruka’s relief, there were no padlocks on the latches, so all he had to do was slide the mechanisms apart. He unlocked and opened the door with ease, and stepped inside the cellar, holding his stake and UV light ready, in case there was a vampire waiting in ambush; and began to look around.

At first glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, since there were no broken bottles or signs of activity in the cellar, but Iruka could see the trail of blood he’d been following under the dim light of the tunnel’s bulbs; and as he followed it towards the back of the room, he could make out a strange silhouette behind the shelving, and his stomach began to churn. What was he going to find?

Finally, Iruka passed the shelves and reached the back area; and for a moment, all he could do was stare in horror at the scene before him.

There was a beaten and bruised person chained to the wall, their body pale, and still; and blood stained their clothes, and the floor beneath them. Iruka didn’t know whether they were unconscious or dead, but just as he was about to step forward and check, the prisoner groaned and weakly lifted their head to see who was there; and when Iruka made eye contact with them he gasped.

“K-Kakashi!” He exclaimed in alarm, rushing over. 

What did they do to you?!

[sugdenlovesdingle]

The Right Choice? (AO3)

“I choose you, even if Robert was here right now, I’d still want to be with you.“

In which Aaron chooses Ben over Robert and convinces himself he is happy and made the right choice, but did he?

Warning: includes Ben/Aaron but robron is 100% endgame.

A/N: This is going to be a multi chapter fic... and anyone that’s known me for more than 5 minutes knows I’m shit at updating those on an actual regular basis... but I’m going to try my best! (feel free to yell/pester/stalk me if it’s taking too long).

-----

“I’m with Ben now, Vic. Robert’s made his choice.”

“When he thought he’d be locked up for fourteen years! He has a chance now of getting out!” Vic said, frustrated. “If anyone can make him see he needs to appeal it’s you!”

“I’m sure you can convince him. You can be very persuasive when you want to be.”

“Just not enough to persuade you to come see Robert.”

“I’m sorry Vic, I hope it works out for him… but I can’t be involved. I just can’t.”

“I’m seeing him next week. Thursday. I leave Wednesday morning. There is room in the car for one more.”

“I can’t Vic. I doubt he’ll even want to see me.”

“Of course he does! He loves you!”

“He cut me out of his life and divorced me. I can’t sit around and wait for him. Ben is a good guy…” Aaron trailed off. “He’s good for me… I have to go.” He said and walked away.

“I leave Wednesday morning around 10 if you change your mind.” Vic called out after him and Aaron forced himself to keep walking. It was better this way.

By Wednesday morning Aaron had talked himself out of going with Vic multiple times, and even Ben had caught on something was bothering him. When he’d asked what was wrong, Aaron had managed to distract him with sex, in a move that was so much like Robert it hurt him deep within his soul.

He’d dropped Ben off at work and was on his way home, when he saw Vic putting her bag in the car and kissing Harry goodbye. Diane was holding him and made him wave at his mum as she got in the car and drove away.

Aaron had watched from a distance and hoped she hadn’t seen him stare. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go with her, he just couldn’t.

Robert had set him free to live his life, and that’s what he had to do now. With Ben. He was a nice guy, they could make it work.

Unfortunately for him, Diane and Harry were much more perceptive than Vic and had seen him.

“Hiya pet.” Diane greeted him as she walked over with Harry in her arms.

“Hi…”

“You out and about early this morning.”

“It’s not that early is it? Just gone ten.”

“I suppose not. We’ve just been up since the crack of dawn to help Vic get the car packed up. She’s off to see Robert.”

Aaron nodded.

“Yeah… she uh… told me…”

“We put together a little care package for him. They’re allowed that, you know?” Diane told him. “Some of those sweets he likes, you know, those orange slices and - ”

“Peach.” Aaron interrupted. “They’re peach sweets he likes.” He said, remembering always finding half eaten packets of them everywhere because Robert practically lived on the things, especially when he was stressed.

“Right, right. Well we got those and Vic talked to Rebecca and she sent over some pictures and Seb even drew him a picture. I reckon she’ll be ok to let him visit soon. It’s been so long, it’ll be nice to have him back home with us.”

Aaron nodded again.

“Yeah… definitely…” he trailed off. “I uh… have to go. Busy day at work. Take care, Diane.” He said and tickled Harry before walking away and trying to ignore the way his heart had skipped a beat at the thought of Seb being back in the village. Back in his life.

---

That Thursday morning, Vic had woken up early, or rather, she’d barely slept. She’d gone through the motions of showering and getting dressed, and getting some breakfast at the B&B she was staying at, until it was time to head to the prison.

She was nervous and worried Robert might have changed his mind about letting her visit and that she’d come all this way for nothing.

She got through security without any trouble and handed the care package off at what the security guard called the post office.

The woman at the post desk took pity on her and helped her fill out the right forms and promised her Robert would get it by the end of the day.

She put on the visitor name tag she’d been given and followed the rest of the visitors into a large room filled with tables and chairs on either side them.

“All visitors take a seat, the inmates will be here shortly.” One of the guards announced. “They will come to you, don’t get up and go to them.” He continued. “Standing up for a greeting is allowed unless you’ve been informed otherwise, but please remain seated for the rest of your visit. Any personal belongings that have been confiscated, can be reclaimed afterwards.”

Vic listened to the guard while nervously glancing around the room. There were people who were obviously nervous like she was, and others who looked completely at ease. She noticed one woman of about her age touching up her make up, and she briefly wondered how she’d managed to get all that through security.  

A buzzer sounded somewhere followed by the sound of heavy locks being opened.

She looked to where the sounds were coming from and saw a gate open and the first men in prison uniforms walking through it.

She strained her neck to look around other people to try spot Robert between them and smiled when she saw him.

His hair was longer and tied up in a ponytail and he’d grown a beard, but he looked healthy and returned the smile when he spotted her.

He walked up to the table and Vic was out of her seat in 2 seconds flat and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I’ve missed you so much.” She said into his neck and was relieved when he hugged her back.

“I missed you too… I’m sorry for… what I did…”

“It’s ok. I understand.” Vic said and squeezed him a little tighter. “And when we win this appeal you can make it up to me by babysitting Harry.” She said, only half joking. “And don’t worry, I’ve had both shots so it’s safe to hug.”

They sat down after a guard ordered them to and Vic reached out to take Robert’s hands in hers across the table.

“How are you?”

Robert shrugged.

“I don’t know. I’m alright.”

“Alright?”

“I keep my head down. I work in the kitchen or library most days… and just… get on with it.” He shrugged again. “The other guys mostly leave me to it… especially since I don’t have a cellmate anymore.”

“Why not?”

Robert shifted in his seat and looked uncomfortable.

“He uhm… died.”

Vic frowned and leaned forward.

“Did you…”

“What? No. He was the closest thing to a friend I had in here. He got me through the first months. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him… but he caught the virus. Back when they knew even less about it than now… and he died.”

“Oh Rob I’m so sorry.”

Robert shook his head.

“It’s been a while. And I was pretty out of it myself and he was up in the ICU of the hospital down the road… so I didn’t exactly… see anything. He was just… gone when I got back.”

“Back? From where?”

“I uh… caught it too. I was in hospital for almost 3 weeks… apparently it was touch and go for a while. I don’t remember much of it to be honest.”

“And they didn’t call me?!”

“I told them not to, didn’t I? And I’m alright now. I got the shot too a few weeks ago.”

“Robert…” Vic squeezed his hands, not sure what she wanted to say.

“Tell me about everyone back home. How is Diane? And Harry? You named your boy Harry?”

Vic smiled softly.

“Harry John. After dad.”

“He would have loved that.” Robert said, forcing himself to smile.

“We made you a care package, Diane and I… they said you’d get it by the end of the day. We put some pictures in from all of us.”

“Thanks.” Robert said and got her talking about life in the village and what was going on in her own life.

“David? You’re seeing David of all people?”

“He’s a nice guy! But we’re just friends. He has a girlfriend!”

“But you kissed.”

“Yes. But that was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

“That’s what I used to say…” Robert said and absent-mindedly touched the finger that once held his wedding ring. “So uhm…” he cleared his throat. “How uh… how is Aaron?”

[janiedean]

I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

[3pirouette]

Fic: Iterate (1/1)

Title: Iterate By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Spoilers: Up through Endgame. Disclaimer: They're not mine. Word Count: 2953 Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Summary: Steve lived through the 21st century twice, the second time hurt much more than the first.

A/N: I literally made myself cry today on the way to work while I was working this out in my head. It was SUPPOSED to be FLUFFY. I’m not exactly why I decided on this format, all I know is that it felt right. I hope you enjoy. Steggy is just mentioned, more Steve-centric. 

It was supposed to be a stupid, fluffy story about Old Steve living with his granddaughter and being a LITTLE SHIT to her all the time because he’s 100% comfortable with modern things and it drives her nuts. I’m sorry.

Also, please pay attention to vague time stamps. Certain details are changed for impact. Hence, AU (Even though I FULLY BELIEVE that once the stones are placed back there is only ONE main timeline where Steve lived, was Peggy’s husband, and that’s how he showed up at the end of Endgame. Fight me.)

AND I’M SORRY.

~*~ October 2023

He supposed he’d always been waiting for this day. Steve knew he’d be around for it, one way or another. At least, he’d always assumed that, though he’d thought he’d experience it in a very, very different way.

He didn’t know the exact time, just a vague recollection that it was early afternoon, that there had been sunlight they’d blocked out with the blast shields, that they’d tried to eat lunch but they were all too nervous.

Funny. Same thing happened to him today. He couldn’t manage to get anything to slide down past the lump in his throat, couldn’t fill his stomach to calm the butterflies. He tried coffee first. It was warm and robust but had no effect.

He pulled out the tin from the back of the cabinet and made a cup of tea from one of the few remaining bags there. He sipped it and imagined Peggy sitting across from him, telling him off for using old tea that would be bitter and teasing him for how much sugar he put in it.

He drank a beer and wished to god that he had just one flask of whatever it was Thor used to carry around. He needed something to calm his nerves.

He caught his reflection in the window over the sink. For just the briefest second he saw his young self, so broken by so much, not knowing that today would be the day he’d be put to his greatest test. But the sun shifted and he could see every wrinkle in the refection, every grey hair, the haziness to his eyes that the doctor said was the beginning of cataracts.

A lifetime ago this day had changed everything for him without him knowing. Today, he was just as eager for the moment when Banner would put on that glove, this time for very different reasons.

~*~

In the end, Steve Rogers managed to live a fairly normal life.

Once back with Peggy, he kept away from the spotlight. Unsure if he’d created a parallel timeline or if he was living in his own, he did his best to avoid changing things.

Because even when he wanted to change things, he realized very quickly, he couldn’t.

He became enamored with sci-fi and fantasy that included time travel, with physicists who wrote books on the subject. He wanted to understand it, to know the unknowable.

He eventually decided that he was prescribing to the Doctor Who Theory of time travel: that it was all very, very complicated but that some things, no matter what, had to just happen in their own time and some things were simply fixed and would always happen the way they were supposed to. He’d seen this first with Zola- as he’d tried to get the man and his influence away from SHIELD they only dug their heels in deeper and kept him. It was later reaffirmed when, despite every effort, The Winter Soldier escaped him and Howard and Maria were left for dead in their car, young Tony devistated.

After that day, he stopped trying so hard to avoid squishing butterflies and focused instead on enjoying what he had.

What he had was, after all, quite a lot: A wife, two young boys, and a second chance at the life he’d missed while fighting other men’s wars.

~*~

Despite knowing all that laid ahead for him and his friends in the future that was now his past and yet somehow once again his future, Steve eventually started longing for the new millennium as decades past him by. He missed the technology, the ability to have whatever kind of entertainment he waited at the tips of his fingers. Though he’d known a good portion of what would happen from history books, once he’d gone back, he’d lived an entire lifetime full of surprises, experiencing things like the moon landing and the Vietnam war first hand. But now, as he grew older and he knew his days with Peggy were numbered, he longed for the small comforts of familiarity, for e-mails and smartphones and heated steering wheels on cars that parked themselves.

As the 2000’s arrived, he felt himself get more and more comfortable with the things around him: the news, the events he’d already experienced once and would again in a different way. It felt good to feel at least on solid ground with the world around him, knowing what was to come for him.

His home was lonely after Peggy was gone, and he made his only granddaughter an offer she couldn’t refuse: free room and board if she helped him keep up the house. An elementary school art teacher, Maggie was happy to step in for a little financial relief as she tried to navigate the churlish economy.

If he never told her that he was perfectly capable of taking care of the house by himself, it didn’t quite matter. The company was more than enough. And if when she smiled she looked just a little like her namesake and it warmed his heart… well, that wasn’t a bad thing, either.

The best part, he’d found though, was that it was hilariously funny to drive his granddaughter crazy. He’d lived through the early decades of the 21st century as a young man. He’d learned how to navigate the internet, interface with the most complicated technology there was to offer, and listened to music that wouldn’t be written for years to come. He loved watching her face as he sang along to Billie Eilish on the radio or realize that she didn’t have to explain to him how to use an iPad or Facetime.

~*~

She yelled at him the first snowfall. Skidded her car (all-wheel drive, thank goodness he’d convinced her to get the newest model) into the freshly shoveled driveway and tore out of the driver’s seat, yelling at him a mile a minute.

They’ll think I’m some kind of self-centered princess letting a centenarian shovel this and try to kill himself!  She’d yelled, trying to take the shovel from his hands.

He was still stronger than he should be, and held his ground. I don’t want you hurting yourself on this stuff.

Me? She’s screeched, and he’d laughed. He couldn’t help but smile and find her concern at least a little comical. Deep down he understood, knew that he should be trying to sell his age a little more, be trying to hide that he was still strong and fast and in better shape than some of his middle-aged neighbors.

As much as he’d like to push her off, tell her to go inside, he couldn’t. She wasn’t a self-centered princess, but she was his princess, and he bent to her whim like a branch in the wind. He’d kissed her on the head and finally handed her the shovel, leaving her the last bit of the path to her to clean up, and promised to take better care of himself.

She didn’t know that when she left for work, he still went down the basement and bench pressed 225 on an easy day.

~*~

She teased him about his record collection. Even though records had come back in style, she still thought it was silly to have a whole wall dedicated to them when she could access nearly all of musical history on her cell phone. He showed her his own digital playlists and popped in his airpods when he was reading sometimes, but he loved the sound the needle made when it hit the wax.

One night, when he couldn’t listen to her teasing anymore, no matter how good natured it was, he played dirty.

You know, there’s a new song coming out by one of those artists you like. WAP? Heard it’s a cover of a song your Nana and I used to dance to all the time.

Two weeks later, he heard the familiar opening bass to the song Barton had played incessantly in the gym while he was working out and had quoted for months, the song that he hadn’t been able to get away from even in the past with random phrases like macaroni in a pot popping into his head at the most inconvenient times.

Barely half a verse in she’d either shut it off or turned the music way lower. At dinner she couldn’t look at him.

That was not at cover, Pop Pop. And I don’t want to think about you and Nana like that… ever.

~*~

She cried when she came home, a year after Peggy’s death, to see Peggy’s beautiful vanity had been moved into her room, Peggy’s jewelry box on it front and center.

What did you do? She’d kept asking him, tears in her eyes.

She’d want you to have it. He knew it was the truth. He hugged her tight as she sniffed and knew he’d made the right decision. He remembered Peggy sitting with Maggie on her knee on the small stool, letting the girl paw through her necklaces and play with her big fluffy make-up brushes. Maggie reaching for her eyeshadow and Peggy deftly pulling it away. Peggy being just a little too slow with the lipstick and the toddler bouncing around the house, proudly showing off the circle on the bottom half of her face to anyone who would look at her.

They’d loved their boys, but Maggie had both of their hearts in a way they hadn’t been prepared for.

Steve had to make up and excuse to leave the house the next morning when Maggie came down to breakfast, wearing the single pearl drop necklace he’d gotten for Peggy on their 25th wedding anniversary and her signature red lipstick. It was a good pain, but the first time he saw her in her grandmother’s necklaces, it was pain none the less.

~*~ Spring 2018

He knew the date it was supposed to happen. He’d kept up enough to know that it would, too. His other self was out there, somewhere, fighting what would become the biggest battle of his life.

Steve decided to focus on the small things. He kept the house stocked up with food and drinks, nonperishables that would last months and even years, toilet paper and paper towels. He ordered big metal shelves for the basement and made sure there was enough for multiple people for the long haul.

He didn’t know what would happen to his family in the snap- who would make it and who wouldn’t, but he was going to be sure whoever survived would be set for the following months where there was chaos, food and water shortages, and fear.

It would be a long five years for anyone that was left.

Even though she was home most nights, he asked Maggie for a standing Thursday night date. Some nights he showed her how to keep the house up: where the water main was, how to shut it on and off, where the gas line was, what to do if the roof started leaking. He made notebooks full of lists of things to do, how-to’s for the house and for life, and even, when he was awake in the middle of the night, wrote her letters so she wouldn’t be lonely.

Somehow, he just knew it would be him this time. He had survived the first snap, but if there were two of him and one survived, the other, statistically, did not. Thanos was very clear on how half worked.

Maggie, at first, had been scared. His family knew he had a knack for predicting the future, but didn’t know quite why.

Are you dying? Maggie had asked, fearing the worst when she started to realize that their Thursday night take-out and movie date was about more than just spending time together.

No, he’d said so very often, I just want you to be ready for anything.

Despite all of her questions, she went along with it.

When the day came, he couldn’t quite keep the sadness out of his eyes. Couldn’t quite smile at her. They ate pizza in front of the TV, watching a comedy Maggie had picked. He kept his eyes on his watch. It was coming.

His fingers itched. Like he could already feel his cells pulling apart.

He reached out, taking her hand in his and covering it with is other hand. “Maggie, you know I love you, right?”

She smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She’d sensed his anxiety all day. “Of course, I do. And I love you, Pop Pop.”

He looked away and then back at her. “I promise you, whatever happens, I’m alright, and I’ll be back.”

“Pop Pop,” her eyes filled with tears, “What are you talking about?”

He shook his head, “I’ve left you everything you’ll need, and I promise I’ll be back.”

A tear fell from her eye as she squeezed his hand tighter. “But where…”

It was as if the world went silent as it started to happen. Though the television droned on in the background, he could swear the air was stiller. He started to see the dust fill the air and tried not to breathe.

But it was wrong.

It wasn’t him.

Her hand was falling to nothing in his, the fear in her eyes haunting as the skin of her cheeks flecked into the air, swirling before falling along with the rest of her into a pile on the couch.

It was so fast. So fast.

And it wasn’t him.

“No…” The word fell from his lips as a whisper, sobs starting to form in his throat.

~*~

He wondered, nearly every night for five years, if Thanos knew. If it had somehow been a conscious choice to keep him alive, to make him suffer just a little more. To make him watch his other self on television trying to promote healing.

Sometimes, he realized that this was a blessing. His sons and granddaughter were safe while they were snapped, protected by the fabric of the universe. Bucky had told him that he didn’t remember anything from being snapped, didn’t feel any different when he woke up than if he’d taken a long, heavy nap.

Somewhere, his family was taking the universe’s longest nap without him.

But they’d be spared these memories. They’d be spared lonely nights of missing loved ones and too little to eat while the world sorted out the jobs that were suddenly empty to keep things running for those that were left behind.

They’d be spared the fear of the gangs that started roaming the streets of half abandoned cities, looting for food and clothes in stores that had never officially closed but also couldn’t open with their owners simply gone.

They’d be spared the rolling blackouts and the contaminated water scares.

They’d be spared the fear of the country as the government suddenly found itself missing elected officials and the infighting and the rhetoric that came with martial law and hasty elections.  

They’d be spared so, so much pain and loss.

Every day, he relived it all, twice over.

He counted every day for five years, making his way through each week and month motivated by only one thought: they were coming back. He needed to be ready for them, for her.

He helped his daughter in law keep their house, managed his other son’s apartment in DC and kept his things ready and waiting, made sure Maggie’s things were safe and in working order, made sure her bank account stayed open and her phone bill was paid. He’d never, not once, considered he’d be the one left behind, and the logistics of all there was to do left him busy for the first few weeks.

Everyone told him his hope that the dusted would return was infectious, but after the first year, people stopped listening. He knew, for a fact, they’d come back, but everyone else didn’t. Even the past him was operating on the idea that they’d never be back.

Some days he didn’t make it out of bed. He laid there, talking to the ceiling, whispering to Peggy, wishing she could talk back, wishing she could be one of the ones brought back. He missed her with a ferocity that hadn’t changed since the first time he’d been in this time, but had only been tempered and strengthened by a lifetime together.

As the days drew closer to the five-year mark, he began to make arrangements.

~*~ October 2023

He cleaned the living room and set it to the way it had been that night. He pulled out every note and letter he’d written Maggie and his children and put them in the kitchen, ready and waiting.

He sat on the couch, facing the blank television, a new, piping hot, pepperoni pizza sitting in front of him, untouched.

He still couldn’t eat.

He still didn’t know if this was the right timeline. As he’d gotten closer to this day his faith had wavered. What if all he’d come to believe wasn’t true? What if this wasn’t the one fourteen million? He wanted to believe, but he didn’t know for sure.

He looked at his watch, watching as the seconds ticked by. What were a few seconds to him? He’d lived more than one lifetime, and that had been enough. He had barely made it through these five years the first time. The second time had almost truly broken him. He was ready for this to be over. He was ready to stop having to deal with loss and to be able to live whatever time he had left with the family he loved.

He held out his hand, and waited.

[sxveme-2]

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Edited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Eleven: The One With the Man on the Roof

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 3336

All of her life as a mother, Lily has placed Hunter above herself no matter what. She had a long shift at the hospital but Hunter had the flu? She'd get someone to cover. She had plans to go for dinner with Gen, but Hunter had a project due the next day? She and Gen would eat in and help him. Nothing ever, ever, came between Lily's son and her. He was the center of her universe, and she would drop everything in an instant and come to his rescue. That's what moms did right? Make sure their son is safe and ensure the best in the world for him? That's what Lily did at least. She would go to the ends of the Earth and back for Hunter if she had to. No questions asked.

So whenever he called, especially when he was at Scott's, Lily's anxiety shot through the roof. Not to mention, of all things to say, he asked her to come and pick him up. Now, of course, she would not hesitate to go and get him. It was a no-brainer. The only issue was the fact Lily was half an hour away if there was no traffic, meaning whatever was going on at Scott's would have to continue for a solid thirty minutes minimum.

"What's going on baby why do you need me to come to get you?" Lily asked, green eyes darting over her shoulder to look at the group that was still seemingly having a great time. But she caught Bucky's eye, and they stood there for what felt like an eternity. His diamond blue eyes seemed worried, his eyebrows knitted in concern at the scared look on Lily's face as she spoke to her son on the phone.

"The babysitters asleep on the couch and a man keeps banging on the door asking for Dad," Hunter answered, his voice shaky as he whispered, "I have Leila in bed with me but Mom I'm so scared please come get us."

Her stomach did a flip. It took everything inside of her not to drop the phone and sprint to the car, not wasting any time telling anybody what was happening. Adrenaline pumped through Lily's veins as she covered her mouth. Tears welled up in the tear ducts of the blonde's eyes and she made quick work blinking them away. Her throat went dry and all of the salivae in her mouth seemed to disappear. Her son was in danger. And Scott wasn't home. Of course, he wasn't...Lily wasn't sure what else she expected from him.

"Call 911 right now. I'm on my way. Stay where you are with Leila. Do not get off the phone with police," Lily rambled, stalking back over to the group and grabbing the purse she had brought along with her, "I love you Hunt I'll see you soon."

And with that, the line went dead as her son followed his mother’s instructions. The abrupt actions of Lily had caught the Avenger’s attention as they watched her scurry around to find all of her belongings, muttering curse words and not so meek names towards her ex-husband seemingly. Lily was a kindhearted person, she wouldn't even hurt a fly. Yet the moment, nay, the second, it had been brought to her attention that her son was in danger on her ex's watch because he had decided to go to a party? That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. This would become messy if she didn't lose her temper and kill Scott herself.

"Woah Woah Lil what're you doing?" Rose questioned as she placed a gentle hand on her sister's arm. Immediately, Lily shrugged it off as her head popped up to look at her younger sister with tears rolling down her cheeks. A hush fell over the crowd like a heavily weighted blanket as the lights around the roof lit up the sadness and desperation on Lily's face.

"There's a man at Scott's pounding on the door. That motherfucker went out and left the kids home with a deadbeat babysitter asleep on a couch..." Lily trailed off as the words escaped her lips. Saying it out loud was completely different than hearing her son say it on the phone. It was really happening. Hunter was in danger and his own father wasn't even home.

A part of Lily blamed herself for the events that were unfolding. If she had just listened to Hunter when he asked for her to take full custody over him. To stop sending him to his dad’s where Scott was hardly home. If she had just listened to her heart instead of her head, Hunter would be safe. He wouldn't be in his current predicament. He'd be safe at home, probably asleep in bed with Lily or Joey in his room. She'd be able to keep tabs on him. Make sure he was secure. Healthy. Safe. Out of harm’s way. Whatever you wanted to say. But no, she listened to the doctor inside of her head about the development of children and how a father/son relationship was important. But mostly, she blamed her deadbeat ex that put his children in that situation, to begin with. Not even just Hunter, but Leila. A three-year-old girl who had no business being left alone with a babysitter and her brother. She was a baby, and Scott put his own entertainment ahead of his children.

"That son of a bitch!" Gen exclaimed while jumping to her feet and handing Rose, the only 100% sober one of the trio, the keys to the car, "Thank you for having us but I have a man to murder." The brunette snapped while making a b-line towards the door down from the roof, Rose and Lily following in her tracks.

Rose's hands rested on her older sister's shoulders, rubbing soothing circles. It was something that the two have done for years. Whenever Lily got worked up and her anxiety reached a peak, Rose's soft hands would grip onto her shoulders and run patterns and shapes along the skin. It reminded Lily that she would be okay, that whatever situation that had caused her anxiety to skyrocket, would be over soon and everything would be okay. A reminder that no matter the circumstances, Rose would always be in Lily's corner, rooting for her and cheering her on. And hopefully, this small action would at least help the rapid heartbeat that pounded away in Lily's chest find a steady rhythm. Of course, then the all mighty steve rogers piped up.

"Why don't we give you a ride on the Quinjet? It'll get you there faster." he offered, causing a small tear to roll down Lily's rouged cheeks. Rose, Gen, and her came to a halt and turned back to the group that looked at the mother with worry in her eyes. Before Lily could respond, the Captain spoke once again, "Or at least let one of us come with you...just in case." he finished, nudging his elbow into Bucky's side.

Even when an event like this is going down, steve rogers stays being a little shit.

"Yeah, that may actually be good. We don't know if we'll get there before the police, or if Scott is home," Rose answered, glancing down at her sister, "You know how he is when he drinks, Lil. You can't take him...and much to her dismay, neither can Gen."

Lily's puffy eyes looked up at her best friend who begrudgingly agreed with Rose's statement, prompting the Winter Soldier to jog forward and follow the girls out to the car. Lily took a seat in the back row of the car, holding her arms tightly around her chest as she glanced at her phone, checking the time. Knowing that at any moment, she could get a call telling her the worst. Or worse, getting a call from Scott. Just the idea of his face made anger boil deep within Lily, which resulted in her bundling her hands into fists so tight that the knuckles turned a sickly shade of green. How could he be so irresponsible? They had been divorced for four years. Lily stood up for him. vouched for him to her parents. Convinced her son it's good to visit. To see his dad and spend time with him. But now? God...Lily wished he would just fall off the face of the earth and she would never have to see him again.

-----

Arriving in Brooklyn a solid half an hour later, Lily spotted flashing police lights dancing across brick walls of the apartment complex. The moment that Rose had stopped the car, Lily ran out faster than the flash. She spotted Hunter sitting in the back of an ambulance with Leila and the blonde basically tackled the two children in a tight hug. She held them close, whispering prayers to the good Lord above. Tears streaked her face, causing valleys to open up along her makeup-covered cheek. She didn't want to let go, she wanted to hold her biological child, and one that wasn't even remotely related to her, and keep them out of harm’s way.

"Ma'am is this your apartment building?" a deep voice of a police officer boomed, causing Lily to release the two kids to turn around and see the tall man behind her. His shoulders were broad and his neck seemed to be the same size as Lily's head. Just looking at the stance he held made Lily tense up, her mouth running as dry as the Sahara desert. But it was Hunter’s small hand gripping onto her's, that sent a rush of newfound confidence through her body.

"No, this is my ex-husband’s apartment. I'm this boy’s mother," Lily stated, fumbling through her purse and gripping her wallet. She tugged out her driver’s license for ID purposes, leaning down to kiss the top of Hunter’s head, before returning her worried eyes back to the officer in front of her, "Did you get the person?"

By the tense look on the officer’s face, Lily guessed the answer would be a no. Tears welled up in her green eyes, and Lily dropped down onto the ambulance between the two kids. The mother bear instincts that welled up inside of Lily's stomach were yelling at her to go and find that son of a bitch who scared her little boy. Smack him all the way to next week and make him feel the pain he had caused her and her son. But the rational part of Lily reminded her she would only create more problems if she did that. She would be the one losing custody of her son because they would probably deem her dangerous and arrest her for...you know, assault. For now, she would sit with the two shaken children, and wait for this to blow over and for the police to find the sorry son of a bitch who dared scare Lily Osborne's son. And then take the father of her child to court and receive full custody of Hunter. Because this...this was unacceptable.

But then a small voice perked up. A meek, scared voice of a little girl. shaky. And it came from Lily's left side. Leila. The little girl had spoken, "The roof." This prompted both Lily and the officer's head to shoot to the side, and both spotted a shadowy figure glancing over the edge. Lily gasped and held both children closer to her chest.

The officer called the others to go to the roof. All pulling their guns from their holsters in preparation, just in case the man was as violent and aggressive as the two children had described. As Lily watched, her hands covering her son and Leila's eyes as police stormed in through the front doors. But she spotted someone, what she had believed to be a police officer, climbing up the fire escape. But then the streetlights reflected a silver arm, sending a glare into Lily's eyes. Bucky. He ran up the fire escape with such anger that Lily could sense the aura all the way from the ambulance at the bottom of the apartment building. Whoever decided to attempt a break-in or try some sort of intimidation at Scott's apartment, most likely, had no intention of ending up face to face with the winter soldier.

"Is that Mr. Barnes on the roof?" Hunter asked, surprising Lily. Glancing down, she saw that she had let her hands drop in shock, resulting in both kids becoming witnesses to the scene. Scoffing, Lily covered their eyes once more, ensuring that whatever violence or trauma that would take place would be hidden by her pale and cold hands.

Lily, however, would become witness to the entire scene unfolding. Watching from afar, she spotted Bucky's metal arm gripping the figure’s neck and holding him above his head. A gasp escaped from Lily's plush lips as she squeezed her own eyes shut. She had heard the stories of the Winter Soldier. The assassinations that HYDRA had forced the man to commit. They had made his brain into putty, moulding it to their will so that they could inflict pain and suffering on whoever they deemed deserved it. But Lily also knew that he had been saved. That the chemicals in his mind had been removed by a brilliant scientist whose name became blank in Lily's mind. But seeing him choking the person on the roof, Lily feared he was not better. That he still had those awful things in his head. That he was dangerous. Especially when her child and her son's half-sister clung to her. As well as her best friend and sister watching the scene from the car.

But when Lily forced her eyes open again, she saw Bucky stand to the side of the roof while the police officers handcuffed whoever it was that had committed this crime. A little breath of relief danced past Lily's lips as she watched Bucky retreat down the fire escape, landing on the solid grown with ease. His thick legs carried that gorgeous frame of his towards Lily, and her shoulders tensed out of habit. But the way his facial expressions changed made her realize...he thought she was scared of him now. That whatever he had done on the roof created a new picture of him in her eyes. Sure it did at first, but he corrected it when he stood to the side afterwards.

"They've got him..." his gruff voice stated, steel blue eyes avoiding any contact with the deep greens of Lily's. He became timid, as though any small teasing comment would destroy any shred of confidence in his body. Lily had no idea the effect she had on him. How what she thought of Bucky was a make or break for him. She herself was so reserved. Distant from people. That they were almost two halves of the same whole. But her view of him...he wanted her to see nothing but goodness in him. And a little bit inside of him continued to scream that she only saw the monster that he was.

"Thank you Bucky," Lily smiled, something small and delicate that had the man become weak in the knees. But then she continued, and a small bit of his heart grew even larger and more fond of the blonde mother, "Upstate is a while away...would you like to um...stay in my spare room? Just for the night so Rose doesn't have to do that drive again."

Whether it was the beer that was singing a sweet song in Lily's mind, or the killer adrenaline rush that she was experiencing, her confidence was through the roof. Her fears seemed to disappear in an instant, creating a new side of Lily. Her son was safe and the asshole that scared him was in cuffs. Alcohol plagued a small place in her mind, and Bucky had just shown a new side to him as well. A protective side. One that he seemed to have gained for the Osborne family at the beginning of this story. Whether it was Lily's infectious smile or the way Hunter looked at him like he was the entire world. He had vowed to be there for them. No matter what it was.

"Oh...I mean if Rose doesn't want to make the drive..." the man stated, his voice cracking halfway through as he glanced over at the other two girls that rushed forward to join in on the conversation, "But isn't she staying with you?"

"Nope. Tonight I'm staying with Gen. Girls night or something. And I don't wanna drive. Hate it. Terrible. You have to stay with Lily it's final." Rose rushed, pushing forward and yanking Hunter into her arms, holding the shaking boy as she kissed the top of his head.

Before Bucky could reply, a car came to a screeching halt at the base of the apartment building’s driveway. A yelling man exploded from the car, along with a crying woman. Scott and Mary. Whatever adrenaline that Lily had leftover, shot through her as she jumped to her feet, standing in front of Hunter and Leila between Scott and them. The taller man was huffing and puffing as his hazel eyes scanned everyone around them.

"Lily, move," he ordered, face beet red as he stared down at the woman he cheated on. The anger inside of her eyes startled him at first. The mother’s instincts she wished to take out on the criminal deflecting on to her son's father. A little body pushed past both as Leila ran into her mother’s arms, and neither Lily nor Scott broke eye contact with each other. All of the pain he had caused her seemed to grow to a head, and everything inside of her kept Lily from reaching up and punching him square in the nose.

"You are a father. Scott. The judge granted you partial custody because I asked her to. Because I believed you would finally step up and care and love Hunter. But instead, you leave a deadbeat babysitter home with two children." Lily began, her voice steady and even as her bottom lip quivered, "A son needs his father. And you have been nothing short of an acquaintance to him. So congratulations. You just fucked yourself over."

Before Scott could even retort the smack-down that Lily just dished out to him, Mary piped up. Her voice shaking and broken, "Scott you told me your mother was watching them. Lily I met him at our friends after work, I hadn't come home." she sobbed, gripping her young daughter tight as she walked forward, an apologetic and terrified look on her face.

Lily nodded slowly and wrapped her arms around Mary, holding her close before letting her go talk to the police with Leila. This left Scott staring down at Lily, who had Gen, Rose, Hunter, and the Winter Soldier standing behind her. it took Scott a moment to process the fact a superhero was now standing with his ex-wife and son. And a pang of jealousy shot through him, or maybe rage. Rage that she had moved on. Gotten over the pain he had caused. Or so he thought.

Instead, the longer she stared at him with a death glare, the more memories rushed back into Lily's minds. The way he would stand over her as though he could hurt her. Then claiming it was fine because he never hit her. or the way he would spit names at her after an argument. The way his fists would ball up. How he would punch holes into the wall that Lily had to fix because he didn't want to pay for them to be fixed. Nor did he want to fix them. The times she would place Hunter back down in his crib and then fall to her knees in tears, remembering how he slammed the door and walked out.

"You are done being a father, Scott. I'm taking full custody."

[signofwolf]

Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas – book review

Series: Throne of Glass #7 Genre: YA, Fantasy Theme: Fae, magic users, war Warnings: mentions of torture, imprisonment Star rating: 0,5/10

Why did I pick this up?: I wanted to end this horrible series once and for all.

[Heavy spoilers ahead]

To make myself clear, before this book I quite liked this series. It wouldn’t place in my top 100 books, not even close, but it was a pleasant pageturner to listen to in audiobooks when working.

Language

Let’s start slow. I lack the words to express how much I hate the words ‘male’, ‘female’ and ‘mate’ after this series. Not even gonna try to express my trauma. But these 3 gems aside, Sarah J. Maas needs a dictionary. Or compress her work to a manageable size. Everything sang, Everyone melted, Every man roared, Every woman trembled, Everyone was unleashing themselves at least once a chapter (number of chapters: 122) ). And now I know definitely too much about Yrene’s ‘womb’. I know so much…

Dynamism

I thought that was a book about a war with heavy action content. Oh boy, I was wrong. This 984-pages monstrosity has maybe 5 pages of action. If you squint.

Every sequence, where by design action should take place was followed by one of two scripts:

Few sentences of action and then a few pages long internal monologue. Often repeated with the same character after the next few sentences of action, or with the next character and then the next (sometimes the first character made a second appearance and then everything would go all over again). And the word ‘character’ used in these sentences is not because I’m rambling. This book is written that way!

Few sentences of action and then action stops, and we are graced by a few pages long conversation. In the middle of a battle. Or spying. Or in Erawan’s chambers, when his castle is going down, and he is running up the stairs...

Time

Leaving alone the fact that apparently all series took less than a year (till this book I estimated the plot for about 3 years, Wiki told me it was 2, but Maas knows best), because that is a can of worms in itself. Time in this one? I honestly have no idea. There were many ‘few weeks of travel’ parts with two main groups of POVs. Personally my only time indicator was ‘Orynth won’t fall till Aelin gets here’. But nothing just fit. And I saw Lost Song when in the last episode we as the audience realized that our two POVs parallel storylines are in reality millennia apart. Lost Song made sense.

Emotional loading

… there wasn’t any. Really, it was like reading a milk label. Every time the scene was potentially emotionally impactful, Maas went ahead to overexplaining EVERY. GOD. DAMMED. THING. And it was abso-fucking-lutely everything. ‘Emotional dilemma? Let’s current POV explain it! 2 pages should be enough… Damn maybe it wasn’t enough. I know! I’ll switch POVs and explain it through the other character!’ <= My impression of Maas’ thought process. I’m fairly sure that the record was 7 POVs explaining the same thing in the row, but I was blacking out a little, so I cannot be sure.

And if that wasn’t enough, this book had a second way to defuse tension: random-plastic-repetitive-badly_written-smut. Really badly written and really repetitive. How could you not feel the spicy bits, when Manon (cruel, self assured 100+years old witch-queen) reacts the same in bed as Elide (20years old, virgin, ex-slave). And the rest of them were the same, there weren’t ANY distinctions.Just copy-paste.

The next point in current case: Someone died, it was impactful, I really liked the character, so I got sad. But then 2 of our characters came out of the room with a body, and after a paragraph of grieving they started making out, and then I was regaled with 2-pages-long description of melting cores. That was the place then this book stopped being badly written, and started being distasteful.

Characters

Remember when I was writing about switching POVs (which is 15(!!!) In the whole book. Oh and an omniscient narrator in places when our current POV was grieving too much to overthink something, but Maas still wanted to inform us about something)? They were all savagely murdered in the worst way: character mutilation. Somewhere between books our maybe-not-that-original but colorful and interesting characters became carbon copies of each other. I have no idea how many times I didn’t realise there was a POV switch. The only indicator was a change of pronoun, or when Maas was telling us the name of a current narrator. These were the only ways. And if you can't distinguish if you are in Dorian’s head or in Manon’s, that is the sign of a really BAD writing.

Romance

…there wasn't any. In all this book there wasn't any naturally progressing romantic scene. There were Maas’ endgame pairings which were sexing or pinning. As the author Maas loves to write about soulmates. And it’s not a bad thing itself. When I want some fluffy story I often tag ‘soulmates’ in AO3 and voila, +10 to good mood. But God above, it is not cute when every pair you write about are ‘true mates’ just BECAUSE. It is the only way Maas sees a relationship, as a fated pairing, written in the wake of the universe by the God himself. There is no choice, nor the work to put in it. They are the author's OTP and that means that they are perfect and they should have children right now. Point in case:

Guy was treating a girl like a shit on his sole, including throwing her naked out of tent, on a snow, with their friends present, all the while abusing her verbally in a worst way. But it’s okay, because when she almost died he realised his mistakes and apologised. Two scenes later, he was forgiven, because... fated mates?

The pathos

I know that many people don't like this type of scenes, but it's not my case. I’m reading by picturing images and not repeating words. I like sequences that I can imagine to be grand and glorious, even if they are a little corny. That said, the pathos scenes were the most disappointing ones for me. Maas likes to write parts that are more picturesquely exalted than logically possible [point in case: meeting of 5 armies/forces in the random patch of sand in Empire of Storms, and it being painted as ‘an Aelin’s great plan’. I laughed myself silly at that. But not taking logic and all the plot holes into consideration that was a nicely looking scene. In Kingdom of Ash that wasn’t the case. I would say that the author wanted to paint us a renaissance painting every 20 pages or so. In my opinion, every time she failed miserably. Each and every of those scenes was or to farfetched to be even remotely realistic, and evidently written only for a sake of the picture, or just plainly stupid.

Example, and it’s so priceless a scene, that I just need to share it: Battle of Orynth, 25th day or so (time in this book doesn’t exist), the 13. sacrificed themselves (like thousands before them but hush). And then, time stops: grieving Manon is going through the city, they open the gates for her (yes, the siege is still on), she goes to the place where they died, after her come out all of our main heroes, and half the city itself with ‘flowers, rocks and precious possessions’ and they lay it there in a tribute to these brave (evil till 2 months ago) witches. I honestly can’t remember when was the last time I saw such an abstract scene. It’s a material for an essay in itself. No, I could not take it seriously.

Additionally, it's hard to make an impact as every damn sentence is grand and lofty. In the end it became truly pathetic, Aelin vs Maeve was unreadable.

Character deaths:

Let's make a quick count: main characters in a series at the start of KoA: 12 secondary characters in a series at the start of KoA: 20ish minor and total background: a lot more

Death count: main: 0 secondary: 3 minor: 2 (11 if we try very hard)

Resurrections: 1 (possibly 3, but not gonna analyze it)

Did you feel emotions of this impossible war against this all-encompassing, all-powerful, invincible, immortal, cunning Evil with armies from 3 continents and 2 worlds? No? Me neither.

Oh well, but there were a lot of deaths of ordinary soldiers. I’m quite certain that all of Terrasen’s army was at least twice brought back to life for them to die in these numbers.

Logic or lack thereof

Oh, and let’s not forget about the Deus ex machina army of unbeatable, magical elves on wolves, from legends, living for the past thousands of years in the unreachable lands of the north, because they managed to run from the surprise attack 10 years earlier. Did I mention that they came from portals, which the whole book was telling us were impossible to make in this scenario? After the previous saviour army was already fighting there for a day? And that Aelin didn’t know they would come for sure (how did she contact them again?)? Even though they were waiting in the full armours for these portals? Ah, and also: that army didn’t do anything. They just came and fought for maybe 4 minutes. And there were just so many things like that!

And if we’re on the topic of armies I present you: ‘My favourite absurd-list in the series: allied armies’.

(As a comparison, in A Song of Ice and Fire by J.R.R Martin, in 7 kingdoms of Westeros, at the peak of war there were 7 forces present, but not all were even engaged in a war.)

First the ones that made sense:

Armies of Terrasen’s Lords (counted as one, not gonna nitpick)

The Khaganate army (also counted as one)

Galan Ashryver’s armada

Whitethorn fraction

Rebel Ironteeth witches

…should Dorian be counted as an ‘army’?

And there were some that did not:

Ansel of Briarcliff’s army

The Silent Assassins

Mycenians

Wild Men of the Fangs

Army of magical elves on wolves

And the ‘I don’t even know’ category:

Crochan witches

Overpowering and overreaching

Section title tells it all. The stakes were too high. I was honestly waiting for Aelin to become Super Saiyan and start to throw planets at Maeve and Erawan. I won’t spoil if this happened.

In my opinion it could be a really great series, if our list of villains ended with Arobynn and King of Adarlan, and the list of Aelin titles with an assassin and a princess. We could have had two main fight plots: one emotional with Arobynn, when Aelin would have to face a damage he had done to her, and overcome it. And the second one, with freeing Terrasen from Adarlan’s rule. That’s it. There was an asshole, power hungry king, who feared magic and wanted to rule the East part of a continent. A lot of plot, but not so much that we stopped to care, or didn’t have time to cover everything. We could really get to know what Terrasen and his people were like and not JUST GET TOLD that it was ‘the greatest place in the world’ every damn 20 pages.

Plus…should Dorian be counted as an ‘army’? It's a REALLY valid question.

Climaxes

IIf I have to write a list of things that disappointed me in this book, this review would be thrice its current size, but one of the worst grievances I have is the complete lack of acknowledging the plotlines that had been started. This book series has overall 4 372 pages (not counting novellas) and 12 main characters (still not gonna address this). All of them had their storylines and arcs but if they weren't tied up in the previous instalments they wouldn’t be in this one. I get it, Maeve and Erawan got beaten (in an extremely unsatisfactory way) but they were only a background in this series' plots.

Aelin Well, Aelin was one of 3 people (+2 paragraf-long insertion from Nesryn and Chaol) who got their own POV’s after the battle (second was technically Rowan, who was ‘Aelin’s POV outside of Aelin’.The third Dorian, who got almost a full two pages). And from this we got that: she got crowned, Aedion got his bond and that Maas have no idea how the city looks after weeks of siege. In her case what angered me the most was ‘Terrasen is my home’ subplot. Only in this tome we read at least 3 times that Aelin will be okay with dying, if only she gets to see Terrasen one last time, or if she get to die on Terrassen soil. But you know what? Maas forgot to write the scene where Aelin actually ‘comes in’.

Mannon Didn't get her own POV after the battle, but here’s what we’ve got: She is going to the Wastes with Croachans and Ironteeth. Whait. What? Yes, that was the ending of this 500+ years of feud. They fought together and they decided to unite their two species, completely forgetting more than half a millenia of slaughter. I can only hope that there were at least some talks behind the scenes… NO! F*** NO! This isn’t how it works!

Rowan, Dorian, Chaol, Yrene, Lysandra, Aedion, Lorcan, Elide, Nesryn, Sartaq Lived happily ever after

Secondary minor and total background characters Survived (I acknowledge that they would be ignored in most books’ epilogues, but this abomination is almost 1000 pages of nothing!!).

Good Scenes

That saying, this book actually had 4 good scenes:

Crochan witches go to war - gathering-forces-to-fight trope, which is my *love-always trope* so I’m not even sure if it was relatively good, or if I’m just a slut for this trope. It was still only a paragraph long though.

[recurring] The children’s tale Aelin repeated to herself to remember who she is.

‘Lorcan Lochan’ - the only marginally funny scene in the whole book

I actually found Darrel making Evangeline his heir charming. Even if circumstances were far-fetched at least.

But the words crime of this book? It was agonisingly, mind-numbingly boring. If the overexplaining and repetitions were to be taken out I highly doubt that there would be 300 pages left.

For these 33 hours of audiobook I suffered through I give it half a star. Because Abraxos exist.

Please see my garishly accurate cover on my instagram! You can also like it there :D

instagram | goodreads

[ariella884]

Voyager Book Club - February Favorite Fics

So I put forth a challenge of sorts to our Voyager Book Club. I asked everyone to pick ONE Voyager fic that they consider to be their favorite. Now, you can imagine, this is pretty freaking hard! There are so many incredible fics out there. I didn’t say it had to be the best written, or the most in character. I gave examples such as: the one you read over and over or your go-to fic, however you want to phrase it. It was pointed out that a favorite fic can change every hour based on your frame of mind and what you are in the mood to read at any one moment. I get it. Even so....I challenged everyone to only pick ONE. And they did it! Or most of them! I got around 20 different favorites picked! So here is the list of our Favorite Voyager Fics, why they were chosen and by whom. Happy Reading!!

Note: Click on the name of the fic for a link to it! Also, this list is in no particular order.

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@curator-on-ao3: ‘Fragile Things’ by @mia-cooper

“Fanfic is about exploring possibilities. That’s what put this fic over the top to be my favorite. In Fragile Things, MiaCooper examines multiple versions of one relationship, pulling different threads to see how things unravel or knit together. It’s thoughtful, it’s meta, it’s realistic as hell, it’s damn good writing — it’s MiaCooper and it’s excellent.”

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@ariella884(yep, that’s me!): ‘2013′ by PCBW (@pcbw)

“I had a hard time choosing my favorite (like most people here), mostly because as i was gathering them all from everyone else I kept seeing ones and going, ‘Oh! I love that one!’.  I also didn’t want to have any duplicates so I had to change mine a couple times, that being said, 2013 is easily one of my top three (which of themselves is almost impossible to pick just one. I’m lucky that my other two were chosen already and I didn’t have to!). I love 2013 because it is a modern AU, without being a completely modern AU. No, that doesn’t make sense. But you get our Janeway and Chakotay, Starfleet officers and all, and you get them in the modern world. It’s incredible! We see the challenges they go through of being taken from everything they know and put into a world that is pretty much unknown to them. Add to that the personal differences they have to work out together. Splash in the normal challenges that we all go through when trying to live a life in this day and age (jobs, house, money, love, family, etc). This is just an incredibly beautiful story that I have read many times and will continue to read over and over. It’s also a long fic and those are my favorite because I like to get completely involved in stories!”

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@mia-cooper: ‘Deceiving’ by QuantumSilver

“Because it starts with a canon event that is absolutely devastating and shows just how devastated Janeway and Chakotay are by it (and Tuvok and Ayala as well, though they only make a brief appearance). It shows Janeway at her absolute best - every last inch the captain, going above and beyond for her crew not just physically but emotionally in spite of the absolutely gut-wrenching cost to her - and it really kicks off with one of my absolute favourite tropes: mutual pining to the Nth Fucking Degree.

It has Chakotay being every bit the commander, backing her up even though he's dying inside, and REFUSING to let her shut herself away even though he KNOWS she's going to want to murder him for pushing and pushing and pushing at her.

And then OH MY GOD, he's deliberately getting on her every last nerve just so he can wrench honesty from her because he knows if she doesn't tell him how badly he's hurt her, how she's absolutely bottomed out because of him, she will never open up to him or anyone else again.

AND THEY DRINK WHISKEY OMG GIVE ME KJ AND C UTTERLY MISERABLE AND DRINKING WHISKEY LIKE IT'S WATER AND PINING LIKE FUCK AND NOT SAYING A WORD BUT BLEEDING TO DEATH FROM THE HEART AND I WILL DIE HAPPY FOREVERRRRRRR

I'm sorry for yelling but this fic makes me want to rip off my clothes and run up and down the street screeching how everybody should read it and they are just BRUTAL with each other and they STILL do not understand, refuse to, CANNOT understand, that the other would not just die for them but MURDER WHOLE FUCKING ARMIES FOR THEM and it's tragic and devastating but then oH MY GOoOoOODDDDD

So that is my favourite fic and the one i read approximately every two months or more if i really hate my writing that day and want to torture myself with How It Should Be Done.”

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@bizships: ‘Fealty’ by MsDisdain

“My favorite story. I honestly don’t have to think about it. It’s one I always go back to.

I love the way the crew pledges their loyalty to her and the way subtle way they tell her that it’s okay that she’s happy too in that they effectively give her Chakotay for her birthday, by way of him “fighting” Tuvok(Starfleet)  for her hand.”

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@arcadia1995: ‘The Space Between’ by lauawill ( @joyful-voyager)

“The Space Between is a story I return to time and time again when I'm feeling down.  I like that it realistically portrays what might have happened between Janeway and Chakotay right after the returned home in Endgame.  I like that no one in the J/C/7 triangle ends up being a bad guy.  I like the hopeful ending and imaging what might have happened after the fade to black (lots of sex!!!)“

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@wishful-thinker-87 : ‘if you came this way’ by tree

“It’s always a go to for me, even though I don’t usually like AUs. The sex is intense and emotional. The characterization is pot on. And we get Phoebe being an awesome sister and some Chakotay/Molly bonding too. What’s not to love?!”

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BlackVelvet: ‘Bluffing the Crowd’ by @ralkana

“Even after years since i read this, just thinking about this story brings a warm fuzzy feeling to my heart and a huge silly grin to my face. I simply love it.”

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@purpledog47: ‘The Future is Ours’ by Dawn

“My favorite is most definitely Dawn’s ‘The Future is Ours. This is my one fic. It’s super long and it tells us what happened after Endgame and it has a little bit of everything in it: angst, romance, hurt/comfort, Q, babyfic, romance.” 

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@amoderngirl: ‘Time and Distance’ by northernexposure

“If I am ever loosing the thread with J/C, I can always read this and I am immediately in love again.”

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@coffeeblack75: ‘Soft Light’ by northernexposure

“There are so many reasons why I love it that I can't even, haha. I'll start with: it was the first piece of fanfic smut I read, so I love it for that reason - my first time haha. More importantly, it is just beautifully, beautifully written - it's plotted beautifully, it flows beautifully and the pacing is spot on. The author has complete control over all of that & over the language, which is just used masterfully. There's so much subtley going on in this story too - the author doesn't spell everything out for us and instead draws us to the details that reveal what is important - the beginnings of these two getting to know each other. Gosh, it's so hard to articulate haha! But lines like this just make me shiver in delight for their beauty and what they reveal: "he was kissing her, with a lot more sweetness than was wise. Ah god, I could go on and on but perhaps I'll finish with my favourite bit, which is when C feels that first stab of lust & realises she might too & tests his theory by blowing softly on the back of her neck. This moment, omg, the moment is just so beautiful, so quiet, so pointed and private and intimate. You really feel that moment as if you are there. Ahhhhh :)

Also….there are two sequels to it that are equally as wonderful ;)  

Oh and one more thing I adore about this story is the way that the C thinks he is lusting after KJ but it is quite obvious he loves her - even before they come together - but he hasn’t realized it yet. The way the author does this is just incredible - so deft! Everything for C is about taking care of KJ … it’s just beautiful.”

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@caladeniablue: ‘Lifeline’ by helenagray ( @picking-daisies-in-the-outfield)

“Why do I like that fic? An unfinished WIP at that (Started in 2013; last update in Jan 2019. No indication how many chapters to go.) The perfect serial story and that's part of the attraction for me.

The first chapter sets the scene: raw Janeway, alone, without the backup of her ship, her crew or Chakotay. Bare of essentials and with only her courage and intelligence and sheer determination to help her survive, and even she wonders how long those will last her.

And while we learn about Chakotay and how he seeks her while the crew has to move on, I am drawn to Janeway most of all.

The fic jumps back and forth across locations and in time from that first chapter to catch up with it again some 20 chapters later, but there is no jarring. The reader knows immediately what KJ is experiencing , but the past events that led to that situation are as important, and that's one of the many attractions of this story. No overlong flashbacks, no tedious info dump. It's all layered, making one wait for the next chapter and the next one, while knowing all the time where KJ has ended up.

The writing is gorgeous, which is a bonus. And it is pure J/C, distilled to its purest by separation.  Perfect.”

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@keiraniels: ‘Bad Ensign’ (Series) by @curator-on-ao3

“Ok so I chose Curator’s ‘Bad Ensign’ because I come back to it often - - it’s such a freaking brilliant idea that I can 100% imagine being canon, and it inspired so many Voyager Bookclubbers to write Bad Ensign stories”

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@cnrothtrek: ‘War Torn’ by @curator-on-ao3

“Why? I had the pleasure of beta reading this story, and I am so glad that I did. It has a great plot, is well-written and perfectly paced, and is hard to put down. The way it pulls together two pieces of canon backstories for Miles O’Brien and Kathryn Janeway is genius. The characters feel so real and their voices can be clearly heard in the text. And the supporting characters of Captain Benjamin Maxwell, Will “Stompie” Kayden, and Molly Walsh are incredible. The story is intense, absorbing, and emotional. I just can’t say enough good things about it.”

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@theshortywrites: ‘The Dragonfly Oath’ by Koneia

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@emmikamikatze: ‘All the Good Things We Never Did’ by northernexposure

“This story brings me to tears, makes me smile and shiver and fear and worry. It's given me phrases that won't leave me, that keep repeating itself in my head even months (years) after first reading it. There's just the right amount of show trivia to make it a fanfiction, but little enough to make it a unique and original story. ne makes me fall in love with these characters all over again as if I didn't know them beforehand.

This story is special and precious and it speaks to me on so many levels I can hardly comprehend how genius it is. It's a literary masterpiece of fanfic if there ever was one.”

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@missmil: ‘Here I Stand’ by lauawill

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@manalyzer13: ‘Gravitation’ by northernexposure

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@grace-among-the-stars: ‘Filling the Void’ by Spiletta42

“Filling the Void is the one fic I always return to. It has my fave ships, JC, PT and D7. Minor characters play major parts and it is just funny. It makes me laugh every time. 

JC’s relationship is really explored from all angles, this is not just your average, ‘the crew get them together fics’, it is so much more. It has sexual tension, smut, humour, sadness and is pure JC BLISS. It always cheers me up and I was so happy when Spiletta42 added it to Ao3 because this meant so many more people would find it.”

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Anonymous: ‘Bent, Not Broken’ by @killermanatee

“This is an incredible hurt/comfort Janeway/Chakotay fic. The story is painfully written from both characters' perspectives, showing how each is suffering in a different way from the traumatic event that has occurred. In the end, their love for each other will help them come together and they will both be able to heal with time, comfort, and support from one another. This is a beautifully told, emotionally heavy story of one couple's love overcoming tragedy. It is my favorite Janeway/Chakotay fic, and I recommend it to anyone who wants to read a heartbreaking yet fulfilling story.”

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@minakotenjou: ‘Mysterious and Curious’ by @h4t08 

“It was so hard to choose - there are a lot of incredible fanfics out there. This was one of the first...shall we say spicier J/C fics I read and for some reason I still think of it often. It's great smut for sure, but I think it stuck with me because of how it all gets tied together at the end.”

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@leisylaura: ‘The Bitter End’ by @mia-cooper

“We have post endgame books but not one about the original timeline, I remember reading “The bitter end” and thinking “this is it, this is what happened”.  I cried from beginning to end.”

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@killermanatee: ‘The Dying of the Light’ by @cnrothtrek

"This fic is such a gorgeous piece of art. I hadn't seen the TNG episode before reading it and when I did watch it I was very disappointed because this fic is just on such a completely different level. The storytelling is so delicate and intriguing, that combined with the poignant and elegant writing style, so that it was impossible to put my phone down. I can't recommend this fic highly enough."

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@cheile: ‘Marooned’ by Soliquilii9 (aka Running Horse)

“I love how she makes the story unfold in slow steady measures.  Also, she filled in the gaps left by the writers in regards to his heritage by using information from her own Cherokee background and it is done naturally (not in an info dump type manner). “

__________

What do you think of our list of Voyager favorites? Do you have a favorite that isn’t on this list? Reply to this post with your favorite!! And if you haven’t read ALL of these fics yet, I strongly suggest you get started!! Have fun and enjoy!!

[buckybarnesbingo]

BBB Week 1 Roundup!  WE HAVE HAD SO MANY FILLS ALREADY!  It’s so exciting!  

Click through and go leave all these wonderful creators some love!

Title: Into the Wild Collaborator: tisfan Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Y2 - IMAGE: Natasha Ship: Bucky/Natasha Rating: Teen Major Tags: moodboard Summary: MoodBoard, song lyrics

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Title: An Eerie Sort of Silence - Chapter 4 Collaborator: Tonks22 Link: AO3 Square Filled: U1 - Bucky/Tony Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: soulmate AU Summary: Bucky and Tony get closer, but in true Tony fashion, still haven’t talked about their bond. Word Count: 1104

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Title: Flower Shop GIF Board Collaborator: shield-agent78 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K5 - Flower Shop AU Ship: Bucky/Reader Rating: Gen Major Tags: moodboard Summary: Bucky decides the best way to ask you to marry him is by the use of flowers.

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Title: What’s Your House? Collaborator: shield-agent78 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Y5 - Hogwarts AU Ship: Bucky/Reader Rating: Gen Major Tags: Moodboard/GIF board   Summary: Moodboard/GIF board

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Title: Defeat Collaborator: shadow-ravin Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Y3 -  Art Style: Pastels Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: art  Summary: The Winter Soldier with Cap’s shield and my head canon of Cap when he discovers that  Bucky is the Winter Soldier and learns everything he has been through

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Title: Linguistics–Sound Track Collaborator: shield-agent78 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Y1 - Matchmaker Jarvis Ship: Bucky/Reader Rating: Teen Major Tags: none Summary: Soundtrack to the upcoming remake of the story Linguistics

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Title: Undercover Sex Collaborator: shield-agent78 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K4 - Sam Wison Ship: Bucky/Reader/Sam Rating: Explicit Major Tags: poly-relationships, sexual tension, language, fluff, sass, good-natured teasing, smut (anal, m/m and f/m), bondage (light bdsm) Summary: Series where Bucky and Sam both meet the woman of their dreams, but she’s unable to choose between the two men so they decide she doesn’t have to. Word Count: 1783

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Title: Smile Collaborator: shadow-ravin Link: Tumblr Square Filled: B2 - Writing Format: Drabble Ship: Stucky Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble  Summary: The Asset remembers Steve. Word Count: 100

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Title: Winter Soldier Mittens Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Y1 - cyborg Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: fandom craft Summary: Mittens with the WS symbols sewn on

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Title: Make It Home - Chapter 3: Impromptu Dance Lessons Collaborator: pherryt Link: AO3 Square Filled: B1 - Team Bonding Ship: WinterHawk Rating: Gen Major Tags: Fake relationship, hurt!Clint, deaf Clint Barton, Bucky Barnes recovering, nightmares Summary: Nobody's seen Clint since SHIELD fell, until now. Word Count: 10,838

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Title: Maximum Occupancy and Other Polyamory Concerns Collaborator: Wiggle Link: AO3 Square Filled: C4 - Crossover of your choice Ship: Bucky/Clint/Steve/Tony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Some drinking, less than canon typical violence, pre-relationship kind-of, m/m/m/m Summary: This week on How I Met Your Fathers, we answer the big questions: Can you put out a dumpster fire if it's raining men? *Hallelujah* Word Count: 1447

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Title: Push the button Collaborator: Kalee60 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: U2 - Bucky/Steve Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content Summary: When Bucky Barnes meets Captain America for the first time, he doesn’t expect to embarrass himself so spectacularly with only four words. But from the ashes of his mortification comes a proposition so unexpected that he doesn’t even think twice about agreeing to play along. Pretending to date Steve Rogers should be hard, but it isn't… not at all. In fact it’s the easiest thing in the world. So what happens when Bucky wants to shift their status from fake to something more permanent? And more importantly, would Steve even be interested in more than just friends? Word Count: 6233

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Title: Make It Home - Chapter 4: Welcome Confessions Collaborator: pherryt Link: AO3 Square Filled: - Stark Tower Ship: WinterHawk Rating: Gen Major Tags: Fake relationship, hurt!Clint, deaf Clint Barton, Bucky Barnes recovering, nightmares Summary: Nobody's seen Clint since SHIELD fell, until now. Word Count: 14,245

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Title: Care Collaborator: ABrighterDarkness Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y2 - Handle With Care Ship: Stucky Rating: Gen Major Tags: Bucky Barnes recovering, Artist Steve, Tattoos, Fluff Summary: Steve had noticed his discomfort and he had come up with something of a plan. Bucky wasn’t sure that it would work the way that Steve hoped but he thought that he might have agreed to it regardless. Word Count: 2119

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Title: Bucky Barnes, The Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: C3 - free square Ship: Bucky & Steve Rating: Gen Major Tags: fluff and humor, Bucky’s memories Summary: It started with a trumpet, continued with a song, and ended with a memory. Or, how Bucky became the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy, nobody let him forget it, and then he remembered it. Word Count: 3706

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Title: Not a Good Idea Collaborator: Ravin Link: AO3 Square Filled: B3 - Paintball Ship: STucky Rating: Gen Major Tags: Paintball, crack, humor, fluff Summary: In which the Avengers play paintball. Word Count: 427

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Title: [Podfic] ain't too proud Collaborator: Ravin Link: AO3 Square Filled: -  Kink: "Please let me come" Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Begging, mild kink, period-typical homophobia, referenced erectile dysfunction, pre-serum, World War II, Orgasm Delay/Denial Summary: Podfic of ain't too proud by mwestbelle recorded for Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020 for my square Kink: "Please let me come" Author's summary: "C'mon, Stevie." Bucky spreads his arms. "What do I gotta do, beg?" Steve snorts, but Bucky drops to his knees, arms still flung wide in a parody of supplication. "Please, oh please come down from your tower, Princess Goldilocks. Do it for your old pal Bucky." (Bucky begs, Steve likes it.)

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Title: Distraction Collaborator: ABrighterDarkness Link: AO3 Square Filled: U5 - Seeing Red Ship: Stucky, Stuckony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Secret Crush, Canon Divergence, Mission Fic, Injury Summary: It wasn’t the first time that Bucky’s attention had been drawn away from his task on an op when that tell-tale flash of red passed through his peripheral. Word Count: 2461

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Title: Be Bold and Brave it Collaborator: darter_blue Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y5 - Eyeliner Ship: Stucky Rating: Mature Major Tags: Modern Setting, Modern Bucky Barnes, Fluff, Bottom Bucky Barnes Summary: 'You think? It's not too much?' Bucky is twisting and turning to try and see his ass in the pants - and, you know, without being able to turn his head three hundred and sixty degrees it's not super easy, but from what he can see, it's pretty darn good.  'It's a lot, but in a hot way.' Nat is looking him up and down, with her chin in her hands, like an art curator. 'But it's missing something.’  'Yeah, a shirt,' Bucky says. Because he might look great. But he's not one hundred percent sure of this whole vest only look.  'No, I know!' and she disappears into the bathroom for two minutes. Bucky can hear her rattling around in something. Whatever it is, Bucky will be talked into it, however reluctantly. Natasha is very persuasive.  'Okay! I've got it.'  And with a sweeping flick of her wrist, she displays the black eye pencil from her make-up kit.  'Oh no.'  'Oh YES my friend.' Word Count: 3993

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Title: Armor Kink Collaborator: shadow-ravin Link: Tumblr Square Filled: B4 - Kink: Armor Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: moodboard Summary: Moodboard featuring Bucky in his armor. Actually it mostly came out as featuring his arm, but that should count for armor too right?

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Title: Close Combat Collaborator: calmena Link: AO3 Square Filled: C2 - Kink: Cock-blocking 'bots Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Roomba!Ultron, Roomba!JOCASTA, Porn with Feelings, Crack Summary: The one where Tony and Bucky are busy in the bedroom, and Roomba!Ultron has his own opinions about that. Word Count: 1370

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Title: Last Week, a Lifetime Ago Collaborator: ribbonsflyingoutthewindow Link: AO3 Square Filled: U1 - AU: Canon Divergence Ship: Stucky Rating: Teen Major Tags: Mention of Peggy's death, OCs' deaths, Endgame fix-it, Angst, Hopeful Ending Summary: “I wanna talk to him and that’s the hard part. I don’t even know how to talk to him now. It’s like he’s not the same person.”---Bucky struggles to understand Steve after Steve spends decades with Peggy and then returns to him.This is a good part of the Endgame fixit that I swore I wouldn't write, but never say never. In this, Steve chose to stay back, not for selfish reasons, but for a selfless one. And he's still young when he returns because, of course he is. (The serum didn't suddenly stop working. Russos/Markus/McFeely are just idiots.) Word Count: 2641

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Title: Winterbirbs Collaborator: pherryt Link: Tumblr Square Filled: C4 Square - Bucky/Clint Ship: WinterHawk Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: Basically, all the birds.

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Title: Bucky Bear Collaborator: crazycatt71 Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y1 - image of Bucky Bear Ship: None Rating: Gen Major Tags: fandom craft Summary: My 1st fill for Bucky Barnes Bingo is a Bucky Bear I knitted

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Title: Monster Collaborator: phoenixgryphon Link: Tumblr Square Filled: U1 - AU: Regency Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: art  Summary: “Everyone is a monster to someone. Since you are so convinced that I am yours, I will be it.”

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Title: A Good Morning Collaborator: ABrighterDarkness Link: AO3 Square Filled: C5 - Kink: Teasing Ship: Stuckony Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Explicit Sexual Content Summary: As erratic as his sleep patterns tended to be, moments like these were rare but among his top favorite. He had awoken from a deep sleep that had been surprisingly free of nightmares, with two of his favorite people in the entire world almost completely surrounding him. And it only got better from there. Word Count: 2422

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Title: One of these days I'll take courage and hug you Collaborator: rya_204 Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y3 - Recovering Bucky Ship: Stucky Rating: Gen Major Tags: angst, touch starved Summary: The Winter Soldier was recently found and placed in the Avengers Tower. Word Count: 1170

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Title: Debriefing Collaborator: DocOlive Link: AO3 Square Filled: B5 - Non-penetrative Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content Summary: Bucky's got other things on his mind during yet another debriefing. Word Count: 2497

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Title: Double Team Collaborator: HogwartsToAlexandria Link: AO3 Square Filled: B4 - Kink: Power Dynamics Ship: Bucky/Pepper/Natasha/Tony Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, BDSM, polyamory Summary: Sometimes Pepper needs every type of stimulation she can get, most times, all three of her partners are ready to give her exactly that, as long as Natasha will be their conductor. Word Count: 1518

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Title: Humanitarian mojitos Collaborator: diner_drama Link: AO3 Square Filled: U5 - Twitter war Ship: Stucky Rating: Teen Major Tags: meet cute Summary: Bucky Barnes knows full well not to mix Twitter and alcohol, but when his dumbass roommate Clint makes mojitos and points him towards Captain America's takedown-via-tweet of President Ross' foreign policy, what's he supposed to do? Word Count: 1460

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Title: Pressure Points Collaborator: darter-blue Link: AO3 Square Filled: U2 - Kink: Mile High Club Ship: Stucky Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content Summary: Bucky Barnes hates to fly. And this flight is starting out worse than normal. Except for the hot, built, blond sat beside him… Who has shoulders for days, a voice like molasses, and some very interesting ideas about how to ease Bucky’s anxiety… Word Count: 3724

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Title: and now, the end is near Collaborator: hawksonfire Link: AO3 Square Filled: C3 - Free Space Ship: Bucky/Clint/Steve Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content Summary: A three-part tale in which our boys are content. Word Count: 2411

[cptn-stvngrntrgrs]

if you're still accepting prompts, I might have an idea that could be fun to write. A newly recruited agent curious about capwidow if they're a couple or not + two children running around suddenly around the compound and finds out theyre capwidow's children.

hello anon! thanks for the prompt – you’re right, THIS WAS REALLY FUN TO WRITE!! i got carried away and the fic became longer than i thought it would be. hopefully this is what you were looking for!

Title: you just have to be at the wrong place and wrong time

Relationship: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff

Summary: 

A newly recruited SHIELD agent can’t help but to think there’s more to Agent Romanoff and Captain Rogers’ relationship as Avengers.

post-Endgame, based off my post-Endgame HC (where Nat is very much alive) that they eventually build SHIELD back up, with Hill as the director and Steve and Nat are still involved in it somehow. and they have a family. and sam babysits for them

Also on AO3!

“All of you are here because you advanced from the most rigorous process of recruitment - the one that ultimately tested your physical and mental capabilities,” Natasha said, addressing the 15 new SHIELD recruits in front of her. “However difficult that experience may have been, that is the easiest thing you’ll ever had to go through here. It will only get harder from now on,” she raised her eyebrows at them, scanning all their faces - which remained passive.

“Now, as your commanding officer, I expect all of you to always be on your best behavior,” she continued. “This means I expect nothing but the best from all of you. I also do not want to hear anything from anyone that my recruits are misbehaving. Is that clear?”

“Yes, ma’am!” they answered promptly.

Natasha let a hint of a smile play on her lips. “At ease.”

She watched them change into a laxer position, as did she, and lowered her voice. “Now, as you know, there is another group of new recruits, led by Captain Rogers. In two months, all of you will take another test that would give you the opportunity to level up as an agent.” she declared, already feeling a hype-sort of energy from her team, judging from their smiles and glances at each other.

“I don’t want to pressure you, but,” she let on, and all their eyes snap at her, “for the past two years, not all of the new recruits in my team got this promotion and I wish I can say the same about Steve’s- I mean, Captain Rogers’ group. But I have a good feeling this time around - I think you guys will be the ones to break my unfortunate streak.”

She smirked to herself, a playful gleam in her eyes, as she saw her agents smile to themselves as she dismissed them. She can feel that this will be the team that would finally make her win this year’s bet against Steve. He’s been getting too smug about his 100% pass rate for two years already and it’s about time she changes that.

–

“Hey why do you think Agent Romanoff wants us to beat Captain Rogers’ team? I mean, aren’t we all new SHIELD recruits here?” Paolo Crawford, a member of Natasha’s team, asked his friend.

Avery Steele, also a new recruit but in Steve’s team, just shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe it’s just a friendly competition, you know? I mean, with them being The Avengers and everything, they must be real good friends or something.”

Paolo knitted his brows together, genuinely curious. “But there was something in her eyes when she mentioned Cap’s name…” he trailed off.

Avery blinked at him. “I know you have a habit, but please, please tell me you’re not thinking of what I think you’re thinking.”

“Okay, but hear me out-”

“Paolo, stop! They are our commanding officers, let’s not think too much about it.” Avery scolded, standing up to leave him alone with his sandwich. He just pouted and continued to eat lunch by himself.

–

Well truth be told, Paolo’s been trying to figure out what was up with Captain Rogers and Agent Romanoff. If there’s anything between them, that is.

His interest was piqued when he went to his first orientation as a new SHIELD recruit - and the two of them were there to personally assess everyone. After getting over a fanboy moment of being in the same room as two Avengers, Paolo noticed something. The way Steve and Natasha worked together was fascinating.

But like Avery said, they are the Avengers, and most of all, partners. Of course, he expected them to be in sync and coordinated, but seeing it up close was… unreal. One of the things Paolo prides himself on is his meticulous attention to detail, and wow, those were some details he noticed from his commanding officers!

First of all, whenever Natasha would talk or address them, Steve gets this look in his eyes, and some sort of fondness takes over his face, a ghost of a smile always on his lips. It’s as if he’s mesmerized with what she’s saying, despite him for sure hearing it around a hundred times already.

And then there was a demonstration of some sort from the two of them – different types of fighting styles that the new recruits should practice for their assessment. There’s just something about seeing them “fight” in person that Paolo couldn’t take his eyes off – they looked like they’re dancing, with each of them knowing exactly how the other moves. It was truly captivating. But besides that, the way the two of them looked at each other while doing so – Natasha’s smirks and Steve’s smug grins – was just a tad bit too flirty to be platonic, in Paolo’s most honest opinion.

Well. If there isn’t anything but partnership between Rogers and Romanoff, Paolo can’t say he’s not disappointed. That would be a serious waste of chemistry.

–

A month and a half passed quickly, and suddenly, the acceleration assessment is only two weeks away. All the new recruits are feeling the pressure and the exhaustion from trainings and drills. Their schedule is packed with different kinds of things every day, right from the moment they wake up. They only get an hour and a half lunch breaks, and dismissal at 6pm.

This particular Friday, exactly two weeks from the assessment, all 30 new recruits just seemed so defeated by lunch time that Steve took Natasha aside to talk about them.

“Nat, we should give them the rest of the day off. Let them have an early start to their weekend,” he said, moving out of earshot from the common room by turning to a corner.

“Hmmm, I guess they’re still recovering from their full-day drill yesterday,” Natasha winced at the memory. They set out a field with targets, traps, fake shooters – the works – so the recruits can experience what the assessment will be like. They all did well, which was great, but she has to admit, even she got tired from just watching them.

“And that will also give us the rest of the day off,” Steve reminded her, grinning as he put his hands on her hips.

She smirked, “Oh? Got plans, Rogers?”

“I might have a few.”

“Okay, well, let’s actually dismiss them before we start your plan and forget about them,” she chuckled, standing on her tip toes to swiftly peck his lips. His grin got wider when he turned around and she slapped his ass as he was walking back.

“Hey guys,” Natasha tried not to roll her eyes at the way Steve addressed the room. Okay, she knows it’s lunch and they’re bringing good news, but this guy is just so nice to them. It’s always like Good Cop, Bad Cop with them – she can tell that the recruits fear her, out of respect of course, but she can also tell that they adore Steve. Well, who wouldn’t?

“We know you had a tough day yesterday and this morning,” he continued, everyone’s eyes fixed on them. “So, Agent Romanoff and I decided to let you guys go early today. You’re dismissed when you’re done with lunch. See you all on Monday!” he ended with a bright smile, which was received with applause and cheers from everyone.

Steve turned around to smirk at Natasha, who just shook her head at him, and placed a hand behind her back as they turned and made their way back to the elevators. Once she was certain no one was behind them, she snaked her arm around Steve’s waist and slipped her hand in the back pocket of his jeans.

–

“Avery I’m telling you, they’re together, together!” Paolo all but hysterically screamed at his friend after telling her to meet him out that night.

After getting dismissed by their COs, Paolo was going to catch the elevator back up to his quarters to take a nap since he was done eating anyway and he wanted to rest. He was checking his phone as he was walking, not really looking ahead of him since by this time, he practically knows the layout of building by heart. The sound of laughter made him look up – half in curiosity and half in fear – because that was Agent Romanoff’s laugh.

He froze in his step. In front of him were his COs, talking in low voices while very cozily waiting for the elevator.

Feeling like he witnessed something he shouldn’t, he swiftly turned the corner and just hoped that neither of them saw him. It’s not like he’s stalking them – he really isn’t – but he’s sure Agent Romanoff won’t appreciate him seeing that.

Taking a deep breath, he sprinted for the stairs on the side and decided to go through there instead, not really wanting to chance the elevator. He didn’t stop running up the stairs until he reached the floor of his room and shut himself in.

After hearing this from his, Avery tried very hard to push it aside, but she has to admit, even she’s getting intrigued. She sighed and swirled her drink with her fingertip.

“Interesting. I’ve been hearing some, well, gossip about Captain Rogers. You know, from other recruits…”

“And…?” Paolo prompted.

Avery spoke after taking a sip of her drink. “Well, they also have suspicions on him being with Agent Romanoff,” Paolo’s eyes widened, but she continued talking, “though the two of them are known to be best friends, so it might really be just how they are with each other,” she added with a shrug.

Paolo pouted. “I just want to know the truth,” he sighed and downed his drink. Avery looked at him with something akin to pity in her eyes.

“Why don’t you just go ask them? Agent Romanoff seems to really like you, she might want to chat with her favorite recruit.”

“Do you really think I’m her favorite?” Paolo asked cheekily, to which Avery rolled her eyes fondly at. “And no way! That’s just wrong in so many levels!”

“I don’t know what to tell you then.”

–

Paolo decided to come back to the HQ that night to get some workout and training in. Although he’s grateful for having the rest of the day off, he felt… guilty somehow that he didn’t feel worked out enough. Besides, the gym and most of the compound should be empty given it’s a Friday night – most are either out and about or too tired to be up. Before heading to the gym, he went to the kitchen first to get some water.

When he got in, there were two children – a girl and a boy – sitting on one of the tables, drawing on a piece of paper, and a sandwich and juice box in front of them. Paolo stared at the two, not quite comprehending what he was seeing. As far as he was concerned, there were no children living at SHIELD’s HQ, nor are random children randomly permitted to be there. SHIELD doesn’t start them young… right? No, no, no. That can’t be.

As if sensing that someone was staring, the boy – which looks older of the two – smiled and waved at him. He has golden-blond hair and a toothy grin, and he somehow looks familiar although Paolo was certain he’s never seen this child before. The little girl with him, noticing he was looking at someone, looked up and mimicked the boy – waving and smiling at Paolo as well. She has strawberry-blonde hair, as if the two colors are mixed together to get that shade.

Huh.

Not wanting to seem like a creep, he smiled back at them and gave a little wave, turning to the fridge to get a bottle of water. He still can’t fathom who those children are and what they were doing at SHIELD!

He was about to speak out and talk to them when someone beat him to it.

“Hey… what are you guys doing here?”

Crap. That was Captain Rogers’ voice.

Paolo couldn’t see him from where he was standing at the fridge and he stood very still, not wanting to move nor show himself if possible. But he knows it’s not because he hears footsteps approaching the tables – his way – and knows Steve will see him very soon.

“Uncle Sam brought us here because he said Auntie Maria called him to come here and that you and mommy are here too!” the boy babbled on.

Hold on.

Uncle Sam and Auntie Maria??? The Falcon – Sam Wilson and Director Hill – Maria Hill? You and mommy??? These are the Captain’s children???

The Captain has kids??? Is he married??? The only quarters in this part of the HQ are Steve’s and Natasha’s – who else could be here? The little girl has more of a red hair than blonde-

Paolo’s brain was going a hundred miles a minute. He’s trying to process what was happening around him like it’s a bunch of puzzle pieces that he has to put together.

“Your uncle’s here?” he heard Steve ask again, voice louder, indicating he’s almost to where Paolo was at. In an attempt to hide himself, he opened the door of the fridge and stared at it, like he’s watching the most fascinating movie while scanning its contents. They have an awful lot of milk and cheese, he noticed.

“Yeah!” he heard the boy exclaim. “Where’s mommy?”

“Well your mom and I…” Steve trailed off, his voice right behind Paolo, no doubt catching sight of him. “Agent Crawford?” he asked, voice laced with confusion. Paolo’s hand on the milk carton froze and he almost dropped the bottle of water he was holding.

He spun a very clumsy 180 degrees, feeling heat creep up into his neck. Said Captain was only wearing a robe and pajamas. And his hair was in disarray. Oh. He’s hoping that he doesn’t look like the tomato he just saw inside the fridge.

“Yes, Captain?” he really hoped his voice was steady to Steve’s ears because it sure as hell didn’t for him.

“What are you doing here this late on a Friday night?” Steve asked, smiling at him. He didn’t look mad – if anything, he looked surprised and amused. “Isn’t everyone else out? Or you know, resting?”

Paolo nodded. “Yes, Captain. I just thought I needed more training and I was going to work out down there,” he pointed downwards, as if Steve could see the gym from underneath his finger.

Steve let out a chuckle, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, Agent Crawford. Get some rest. Nat, uh, I mean, Agent Romanoff is very happy with your performance. Trust me.”

Before Paolo could respond, the little boy tugged on Steve’s arm. “Daddy, I’m sleepy,” he pouted. Steve laughed and mussed up his hair.

“James, Mommy has to stay here tonight. If you want, I can go home with you two and she’ll come home tomorrow. Or… just sleep in Mommy and I’s bed here for tonight.” Steve explained.

Paolo knows this is a personal moment and he’s basically been dismissed by Steve which means he should probably leave. But alas, he felt frozen in his spot, still holding onto the fridge’s door and peering inside it while stealing glances at the three.

“With mommy!!!” the little girl squealed out. Steve grinned and leaned down to pick the little girl up in his arms. The boy – James, it seems – nodded and stood up.

“Crawford,” Paolo’s head snapped up to meet Steve’s eye, “like I said. Nat likes you, and that’s no easy feat. Take it easy. Though don’t let her know about this,” he winked, a mischievous smile on his lips. And with the girl on his right arm, Steve held out his left hand for James to hold on to.

“Y-yes, Captain.” He answered. Steve nodded and walked with the two to the elevator, finally leaving Paolo alone to slump on the floor.

Well at least his question was answered.

But what did he mean by not letting her know about “this”? That Steve told him he was her favorite or that he found out about their family?

Huh. So, Black Widow and Captain America really is a thing. And they have children. Paolo shook his head and smiled to himself. At least he shipped the right couple. He stood up and walked to his quarters. Although he was dying to tell Avery about it, the moment between him and Captain Rogers felt so… personal that he knew he can’t just talk to other people about that. Not without the consent of either of them – he knew it wasn’t his place nor his story to tell.

–

The day after the recruits’ assessments was a very tense one. The two groups were told to meet their COs first thing in the morning to learn about their results.

Steve and Natasha stood before the 30 anxious faces of the recruits, holding a piece of paper with the results. They shared a glance before Steve spoke up.

“First of all, I want to tell everyone: good job on your assessment. We were very pleased with the results.”

“Yes, I have to say, each and every one of you exceeded our expectations,” Natasha continued, to which she was met with shocked faces.

Steve observed the recruits and let out a chuckle, looking at Natasha and raising an eyebrow. The corners of her lips lifted, and she nodded. “To answer the question in your minds: Yes. All of you are now Level 2 agents. Congratulations.” He smiled and clapped his hands, which was followed by cheering and clapping from the newly-appointed agents.

After a while of celebrating, Natasha put her hand up, to which they silenced as she began to talk. “Now, as my group knows, this is the first time in two years that I had a hundred percent pass rate. Well, Captain Rogers and I have this bet – if one of us achieves that perfect rate, we’d owe the other a dare. Since we both achieved that this year, then we both owe each other a dare.” She heard the crowd go “Oooooo” and smirked.

Steve looked at her, puzzled. Natasha stared back at him and grinned. “And I want to redeem my dare right now.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh? What might that dare be?”

“Kiss me.“

Silence.

The agents looked at each other, shocked. Did they hear that correctly?

Steve stared at Natasha, blinking slowly, as if she might as well have told him that she was Loki in disguise.

“Come on, Rogers, you heard me,” Natasha prompted, crossing her arms over her chest and raised a challenging eyebrow at him.

The agents are looking at them back-and-forth, like it was a movie unfolding. It took Steve a while to recover. He stood up straighter and smiled at her. “Why, do you want to make our new agents uncomfortable?” he asked, putting his hands on her waist. She let out a laugh and shook her head.

“I’m actually aiming for the opposite.” She unfolded her arms to hold onto his shirt, standing on her toes to meet Steve’s lips as he leaned down. Gasps and Awwwws erupted from the group as their lips met, which made Natasha smile as she playfully bit Steve’s lower lip before pulling away.

She turned back to the agents, waiting for someone bold enough to ask them the question. One brave soul in the back raised her hand. Natasha nodded and the agent spoke up.

“So, does that mean you and Captain Rogers are dating?”

Natasha chuckled, shaking her head. The agents looked puzzled. All but one.

“Agent Crawford, you didn’t tell them?”

All eyes snapped to Paolo, who almost jumped at the mentioned of his name. “N-no, ma’am,” he merely squeaked out, feeling flushed at getting singled out. Steve gave him a thumbs up in return. From the other group, he saw Avery shooting him a looking that’s half-glaring, half-confusion.

“Nice work. I appreciate that.” Natasha told him. “No, Steve and I aren’t dating. We’re married.”

“And we have two kids,” Steve added, smiling at everyone. They stared at them, speechless. Who would’ve guessed?

“You might be wondering why we’re telling you this now,” Natasha spoke up after a few seconds of silence. “Now that all of you have Level 2 Clearance, we can tell you this and you’ll also be seeing more of SHIELD, like getting access to more places in the HQ and such. This is just a heads up that you might see our kids, James and Sarah, roaming around. They’re usually in the higher floors and lounges so if you see them, don’t freak out. They’re used to this environment so please just say hi or something.”

“So,” Steve clapped his hands together, “that’s all for now. Once again, congratulations. We may not be your direct CO anymore, but feel free to chat if you see any of us. We’re here as your mentors to support you. Dismissed.”

–

“How dare you not tell me!” Avery whispered a bit loudly at Paolo while they were in the newly-accessible lounge.

“Captain’s orders.” Paolo grinned sheepishly, waving at the little kids who just entered the room accompanied by their father. Steve caught his eye and winked at him.

[iwritefanficsometimes]

I Told You We Were Waiting For Someone

So I’m trying to decide if this is going to fit into a wider universe of my in progress afterlife fic, or if it’s just a one-shot with a similar premise. I could 100% fit it in, and I think I might want to? But I’m still thinking about it

This is a really roundabout fic, and has way too much dialogue in some places, but that’s just how I write now, apparently? I did my best. I know that the style changes in a few places, and that’s not in purpose, but it’s not too jarring (I hope) so just give it a chance?

Endgame: DrPepperony, contains endgame spoilers, duh. AO3 link to come.

———————

Stephen going to Pepper and apologizing for the timeline.

Pepper forgiving Stephen and inviting him to have some coffee. “Or tea? Yeah, you seem like a tea guy.”

Morgan wants to know why his cape is like Thor’s.

Stephen tells her it’s because Thor copied him.

Morgan accepts this without question and then calls her uncle Bruce to tell him Thor is a copy-cat.

Bruce doesn’t tell Thor.

Pepper gives Stephen a standing invitation to stop by, because she’s intimately familiar with how quickly Tony can get under people’s skin and burrow into their hearts.

She doesn’t know the half of it.

Stephen stops by once a month or so, and Morgan gets used to the sight of him.

So does Pepper.

She likes it when Stephen comes by and they have a chance to talk.

So does Stephen.

“Doctor Strange, why can’t you use your magic to bring back my dad?”

The question isn’t accusing, she seems to understand that the answer must be a negative, she just wants to know why.

“Because bringing back people from the dead is a very dangerous kind of magic, and if I did it, he might not come back the same Dad you knew.”

She nods, considering this.

“So you can, but he’d just be bad.”

“Yes.”

She nods again and hugs him around the legs.

“If he wouldn’t be bad, would you do it?”

He answers too quickly.

“Yes.”

Morgan stays clinging to him for a minute before she’s satisfied with the answer and Stephen.

“Mom says you can stay for dinner. I helped mix the salad.”

Stephen smiles.

🖥

It’s not until Morgan is nearly 15 that they find the AI.

Turning him on is an accident. If they’d known they would’ve left it alone. Great timing for Tony to forget to label an AI

AI Tony doesn’t remember Morgan, or marriage, or a farm. He’s stuck so far in the past he’s almost unrecognizable.

Rhodey, Pepper, and Happy spend a lot of time talking to this version of Tony, Pre-Ultron, and they find that the more they tell him about the present the less and less he responds.

Eventually Rhodey makes the executive decision to get Friday involved.

She is understandably unsure of her own abilities, but she does her best to bring AI Tony around.

After three weeks of near constant interface, Friday and Tony emerge in their holograms, and Tony still looks down, as much as any AI can be down, but he wants to interact with Morgan.

There’s not much footage of Tony interacting with Morgan, just lots of pictures. Pepper is the one who tells him about his relationship with Morgan, so he can talk to her.

They talk for an hour, and Morgan cries into the shoulder of the Iron Man armour Tony is controlling, and AI Tony is just trying to reconcile himself with a child.

They don’t talk much after that.

Tony is less like a ghost and more like a shell.

Morgan is less like a person and more like a figment.

It makes Pepper and Rhodey both sad to see it.

Eventually, they ask Tony if he wants to go offline.

Tony says yes.

They shut him down and pack him up in a box labeled “Tony.” No one touches it for forty years.

🖥

Morgan is 55 when she’s going through her mother’s personal effects. She finds the box labelled “Tony” and opens it up, curious.

She recognizes the programming that contains an AI immediately. She knows it’s her father’s digital replica.

She puts it back in the box.

Three days later she takes the box back out again. All she has left of her father is a 50 year old hologram, every design he’d ever made, and this AI.

She turns it on.

It doesn’t recognize her, and she didn’t expect it to.

“Hey! Where’s Rhodey? Pepper? I thought we agred I was going offline.”

“Change of plans. Try the house on for size.”

“Are you making me a butler?” Tony souds entirely offended, and Morgan smiles.

“No. You’d be terrible at it.”

“I really would. So what’s the about... whoever you are?”

“I just think it’s time you got to stretch your legs, that’s all.”

“Technically speaking, I don’t have legs. I’m a string of binary code.”

“Don’t get smart with me or I’ll make you share a charging station with Dum-e.”

“He’s still around?” He asked, looking aroud him, and Morgan smiled.

“Interface with the house and find out.”

It was the only permission AI Tony needed, and suddenly things were turning on and off at random, and there were dozen things happening all around the old farm house where she grew up.

“Hey, wait a minute!”

She leaves before he can tell her what he’s indignant about. She shuts down the internet access just in case.

🖥

“It’d take a genius to figure this out. Not that you’re not a genius, Morgan, but you’re in bio-tech, and this is... not that.”

Morgan looks at Harley quizically. “Are you saying you can’t figure it out?”

“Of course I can figure it out, but it’s going to take time we don’t have.”

“What if I said I had someone who might be able to help us.”

“And you’ve been sitting on them this entire time!?”

“It’s... complicated.”

🖥

“You aren’t a little scamp any more. Hell, I think you might be older than I am. Which means I’m really old. Shit.” Tony says to Harley as he sorts through the data they’ve given him access to.

“This will never work, an AI doesn’t have the same creative capabilities as a-“

“Got it!” Tony said, displaying a hologram that... actually looked like it could work.

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” Morgan smiled. “Great work Tony.”

“Sure thing.”

Harely looks at Morgan quizzically.

Morgan doesn’t look back.

🖥

“And who are you?”

“My name’s Elizabeth. I’m ten. You’re dead.”

“Smart one. Yeah, I heard. Say, Elizabeth, shouldn’t you be monitored by someone with... I don’t know, a body?”

“No. Mom said that I’m old enough to go wherever I want in the compound so long as I don’t do anything that might get me hurt.”

“Like walk into an active training room?”

“Basically.”

“Fair. Alright, well, your mom...”

“Morgan,”

“Morgan-” He said it and suddenly things made sense. “Morgan Stark.”

“Yup, and I’m Elizabeth Stark. You’re Tony Stark. That’s Harley. Hi, Harely. I’m not supposed to be here so don’t tell Mom, okay? Thanks.”

“Elizabeth, come on. Morgan wouldn’t want you to be hanging around in here.”

“He’s right. I’m a bad influence.”

“Shut up, Tony.”

“Watch your language, sir, there’s a lady present!”

Morgan laughed. “You sound like Mr. Rogers.”

“He’s still around???”

“Barely.” Harley mumbled under his breath. “Doesn’t keep him from trying to act like he’s still in charge of everything.”

“Mr. Rogers is bossy. Mom and Harley hate it. Peter says it’s fine. I think he just says that to be nice thought.”

“Sounds like it. Who’s Peter?”

“Oh, he’s Spider Man. You used to know him.” She squints at him, like she’s wary now that he’s not remembering all the parts of the past that he should. “Before you did the snap, you knew him. You gave him his first good spider suit. And then took it away. And then gave it back.”

“Sounds like me. You gonna take her back to her mom?” Tony asked Harley, and Elizabeth whined.

“No..! Come on, Uncle Harley, please??”

“Don’t Uncle Harley at me, you know that stopped working years ago. Come on, we’re doing lunch, and you’ll want to be out of here before Morgan gets an alert.”

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that, Harley,” Friday’s voice says apologetically, and Harley sighs.

“Figures. See you around, Tony. We’ve got some stuff to talk to you about later.”

“Yeah, sure thing! It’s not like I’m being held prisoner in my own lab!” AI Tony calls after Elizabeth and Harley.

“You’re not a prisoner, boss. Just on house arrest.”

“How can you call me boss and be the holder of the keys to my cell?”

“Not a prison.”

“Feels like a prison.”

“When given free reign of the house the first time you were brought online, you broke eight different electrical appliance. For the safety of the inhabitants, you’ll have to stay here.”

“We’re not worried about me breaking the lab? I could do some real damage here.”

“But would you?”

“...No.” Tony sighed, as much as any AI can sigh.

🖥

“What’s with the secret keeping Morgan? I feel like a piece of dirty laundry.”

“Captain Rogers would have a lot to say about an AI of you. I don’t want to listen to any of it.”

“So he’s Captain, now? Lizzie called him Mr. Rogers. Like from the tv show you’re too young to remember and I never actually watched.”

“Trust me, I’ve heard plenty about it over the years.” Morgan laughed, working across from her father’s hologram, but never looking at it. “But that’s just how Lizzie is. Everyone else she just calls by their first names, but Steve started putting a fuss up about it, so she started calling him Mr. Rogers instead.” She smirks to herself. “He’s gotten fussy in his old age.”

“Fussier. He was always fussy. He just wore a righteous look and an American Ass and everyone called him a patriot.”

“Well, two out of three of those things are still true.”

“No! He lost the ass?”

“He’s over 150 years old, Tony.”

“He’s a super soldier. He’s not supposed to loose the ass.”

“You’re kind of obsessed with Captain America’s ass.”

“I used to make his suits.”

Morgan laughs and it hits AI Tony in a very real way that he is talking to his daughter. He made his daughter laugh.

💻

“Tony! Mom gave me permission to visit.”

“How’d you weasel that out of her?” Tony asked, turning his hologram away from the manipulation station, despite his mind still definately being on it. It’s great to be an AI.

“I promised to clean my entire room.”

“Oh wow. That’s a hefty promise.”

“I’m not really going to do the entire room. She ever checks under the bed.” She rolls her eyes, and Tony raises an eyebrow at Friday’s security camera.

“I’m thinking she might this time around.”

She rolled her eyes in a way that was so familiar Tony was caught off gaurd for a minute.

“Tony. Hey! Tony!” She waved her hand in front of his face and he snapped his processing power back to attention.

“Hey is for horses, young lady.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes again, and AI Tony felt fond.

He felt.

“Tony! Why do you keep ignoring me?”

“I’m not ignoring you, Lizzie. I’m thinking deeply.”

“But you’re a computer. You have enough processing power to focus on other things and think deeply.”

“You’re right, but I’m running a little slow in my old age.”

She wrinkled her nose at him, “you don’t look that old.”

“Holograms don’t age. I’m a lot older than I look.”

She frowns. “Does that make you sad?”

Tony is about to say no, because he is an AI and incapable of feeling anything, let alone sadness, it’s all just predetermined choices and algorithms except... “yeah, it does.”

She patted the console that was closest to her like she might pat a sad cat. “I’m sorry you can’t get old like everyone else, Tony.”

“Me too.”

🖥

There’s a commotion happening that Tony can pick up even though he only has access to the mics in the lab. There’s some yelling, some smashing, and then there’s a bunch of sparks forming a portal into his lab and a weirdly dressed man with shaking hands and grey streaks in his hair is standing in his lab. Staring at him.

“Can I help you?” Tony asked, reaching out to Friday to activate security protocols and start shutting down anything and everything even remotely vulnerable in the compound.

“I think maybe I can help you, Tony.” The man says, and Tony cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Um, no offense, but I’m actually a computer. An AI. I’m not being held captive or whatever weird conspiracy theory has been floating around the internet. The real Tony Stark is dead. I’m just a copy.”

The man shakes his head and Tony keeps pushing Friday to tell her what’s going on, but he’s been bugging her so much lately that she’s ignoring him. Great.

“You’re not just a copy. You’re a part of his soul.”

“What?” Tony asked, staring at him like he was off his rocker (he was.)

“I second that.” Morgan said, glaring at the newcomer from the doorway.

“Morgan, I made you a promise years ago, that if I could bring him back-“

“He’s been dead for fifty years, Strange. Even if you could bring him back, what good would it do, aside from easing your guilt?” Her eyes are hard and Tony can tell this must be a touchy subject for her. That’s why he feels it pertinent to interject.

“Is that why I’m having feelings? Because AIs don’t usually have feelings.”

Stephen gestured at Tony like an argument had just been won and Morgan glared.

“You’re not touching him.”

“There’s a piece of his soul trapped here, Morgan.”

“He’s a computer!”

“Mom,” Elizabeth murmurs from the doorway. “Ama said she wants to talk to you.”

Morgan’s face falls into her hands and she digs the tips of her fingers into her scalp.

“Mom?”

“I’m coming, honey.” Morgan told her daughter, still frozen and clutching her head. “Tell Ama I’ll be there in a minute.”

Elizabeth left and then it was just the three of them.

Stephen was the first to break the silence. “If you leave him here, there’s always going to be a piece of his soul haunting you.”

“He’s fine right there.”

“He’s not. The longer he stays the more disconnected this piece of his soul becomes from the rest. With enough time it could break off entirely, and the chaos that comes with splitting a soul...” strange sighed. “If you’re not willing to let me try summoning the rest, at least let me send this piece back.”

“I can’t lose him.”

“I’ve been gone for a long time, honey.” Tony spoke up from where his hologram was trapped in a console. “Keeping me here isn’t really helping you anymore. It’s time to let go.”

“You’re a computer!”

“He’s a computer with a piece of your father’s soul, Morgan. It’s understandable that you’re attached, but the longer you leave him here, the more likely his soul will split. It could wrench Tony out of whatever afterlife he’s living and make him miserable for the rest of eternity.”

“Morgan.” Tony said, when Morgan still wouldn’t look up at them. “I don’t know who this guy is, but I think I might agree with him.”

“Stop it.” She said, nearly too quiet for his mics to pick up. “Stop it. Shut up. He’s.. he’s fine. It’s fine. There’s not.. it’s just an AI.”

“An AI with feelings and the capacity to be creative. You have to know that’s not normal.”

Morgan is silent for a few more minutes before shaking her head and straightening her back. “Do whatever you have to.” She tells him, and both Stephen and Tony are struck by how much she looks like Pepper in that moment. She walks away with her head held high and doesn’t even look back to say goodbye.

It hurts.

🖥

On the Astral Plane, Stephen guides Tony’s soul through the process of rejoining it’s larger half, and Tony finds it hard to believe that he, a network of processing power, can project an astral form.

“Do you see how much more translucent you are than I am? It’s because you’re only a fragment. Tony put his soul into designing this AI just in case, and you were so similar to him that his soul might not have recognized his death.”

“Ghost soul. Cool. I actually haven’t heard weirder things, which is odd, but a pleasant surprise. When do I get dead?”

“I have an incantation I can try, but it might hurt.”

“Just do it.”

🖥

“Look who’s back.”

Tony opened his eyes to see the roof of the porch of his dream house with Pepper. He sat up and was greeted with Pepper drinking an ice tea and smiled at him. Pepper, who looked as young as she had been when they’d gotten married. He knew objectively that she’d gotten older, but he hadn’t been online for her death. It was like jumping back in time to before he was an Artificial Intelligence. “You were gone for a while. Glad to have you back.”

“I put a part of my soul in the AI.”

“Yeah,” She nodded, handing him an untouched and perfectly cool glass of tea from the tray beside her. He took it without hesitation, shocked to feel the condensation, the smooth glass, the hard edge of the bottom of it. “I mean, I didn’t know that was where it was, but I knew that some part of you was still trapped there. You had that way of looking off into space sometimes, I think that was when you were over there.” She took another sip of her tea and Tony mimicked her, tasting something for what felt like the first time in fifty years. Probably because it was.

“Was I here before?” He asked, and Pepper nodded.

“You were here when I got here. Waiting for me like we were still newlyweds. Even carried me over the threshold.” She smiled, reaching out and stroking her hand down his cheek. Tony closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. “Figured the least I could do was be waiting for you with some sweet tea.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” He reached for her free hand and dragged her closer to him, needing to feel her solidly against him to prove to himself that it wasn’t just a dream.

“You became a great man. That makes you deserving of just about anything you want.” She followed where he pulled her, settling into his lap and wrapping her arms around his waist. “And now we just have to wait for our baby.”

“Oh god, don’t say that. I don’t want her to be here.”

“And I do?” She laughed, pulling a strand of his hair back into place. “But we all come here. She’ll come and visit us, sometime. It’ll be nice, I promise.”

“I think she hated me, at the end.”

Pepper frowned and ran her thumb over his eyebrow, calling his attention to her. “I know our daughter, Tony. Morgan may have been frustrated, you’re a frustrating man,” she laughed and kissed his forehead, pulling him into a hug. “But she loved you with her whole heart, and nothing could have changed that.”

“I hope you’re right.”

🖥

“Huh,” Tony said, raising an eyebrow at a newly deceased Doctor Strange. He and Pepper were the only ones left in their little afterlife, everyone else having reincarnated long ago and moved on to other after lives. But not them. “I told Pepper we were waiting for someone. Pep! We have a guest.”

“What?” She asked, coming out from the house, a smudge of paint on her right cheek. “Tony who-? Oh! Doctor Strange!”

“I told you we were waiting for someone. Didn’t I tell you?”

“You did, and it’s just as insufferable to hear you say it now as it was a millenium ago.” She leaned down to kiss Tony on the cheek and then looked back up at Stephen. “Won’t you come inside? If I’d known you were coming I would have had something ready for you, but Tony and I stopped bothering with food centuries ago.”

“That’s not entirely true. I still soul magic up a cheese burger every now and then.”

Pepper rolled her eyes and smiled at Stephen’s flabbergasted look. “You don’t have to just stand there, Stephen.”

“Yeah, Strange. Come sit down, take a load off. I’ll keep you company while Pepper does food.” He said, looking at Pepper for approval. She waved him off.

“He’s actually not as useless in the kitchen as he used to be, but it’s been so long since he’s done anything but cheese burgers he might have forgotten.”

Stephen felt like he was watching some kind of television show, an outsider looking into the afterlives of two souls who were obviously extremely close. What was he doing here?

“Honey, I think we broke him. Strange, you with us pal?” Tony got up from his chair, setting aside the bits and bobs he’d been tinkering with for the last 100 years or so. He came down the stairs slowly, hands outstretched to Stephen. “Stephen? Hey, did you leave a piece of your soul back on earth too?” He laughed, trying to break the tension.

“I don’t understand why I’m here.” He said finally, shrugging off Tony’s hand where it touched his forearm. Only then did he realize that his hands weren’t shaking. The scars were still there, but his hands were as steady as they ever were. When he looked back up at Tony his right arm was also heavily scarred, but his face was unmarred. He looked back down at his hands and Tony caught the drift.

“It’s pretty easy to hide scars here, if that’s something you want. I can show you. Pepper’s skin is flawless, but I’ve got a few doosies that I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding. I mean, I know scars give a man character, but not the expense of this face.” He ran his scarred hand over his unscarred cheek. “You wanna take a minute? Let’s sit down.”

Stephen followed Tony’s lead to the porch and sat down to listen to Pepper and Tony recount their experiences in the afterlife.

🖥

Souls don’t really sleep, so when Stephen opens his eyes it’s not because he’d really been sleeping. If he tried hard enough, meditation was nearly sleeping, but there was no astral form to project into while he was “sleeping.”

There was no need. The fate of the universe belonged to someone else now. As much as he hated giving the duty up, Tony and Pepper were right about him deserving a retirement.

Pepper was the first to stir, reading a newly published (on earth) book by the reincarnation of her great grand daughter. “Such talent. Honestly. I wish we had done more of the liberal arts, Tony.” She passed the tablet to Tony, who touched it and knew the entire contents of the book. Pepper still preferred the act of reading, while Tony preferred to cut to the chase.

“I hate the liberal arts, but it is a good book. Strange.” He passed the tablet and Stephen handed it back to Pepper after learning the book’s title.

“I’ll read through it later.” He laced his fingers through Tony’s and let himself play with Pepper’s soft hair. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

There was a long pause and Stephen looked up at Tony and Pepper. They were having a silent conversation, and Stephen felt something like dread settle in his stomach.

“Pepper and I have been thinking.” Tony started before handing the reigns over to Pepper.

She rolled her eyes at Tony and then turned on her side to face Stephen completely, Tony leaning up on his elbow to give himself a better view of them. “We want to reincarnate, Stephen.” She said softly, laying one hand over his cheek. “We love being here with you. We do.” She reiterated when he looked like he was about to protest. “But everyone else we all know is long gone, back to the land of the living. We aren’t talking about any time soon, we want some more time with you here, but... We do want to go back, and we want you to come with us.”

“I can’t imagine living another life without you, Strange. What do you say?” Tony’s hand settled on Pepper’s hip, but his eyes were pleading at Stephen. “Come with us?”

Stephen looked between the two of them, momentarily lost for words before he finally said, “I don’t know how I could say no to that.”

“Ideally, you don’t.” Tony smiled, leaning across Pepper to plant a kiss on Stephen’s cheek just above where Pepper’s hand rested. “And since this is the afterlife, everything’s pretty ideal.”

Pepper elbowed Tony to get him to get off of her and leand in to give Stephen a kiss of her own, just a soft peck on unchapped lips. “I can’t wait to live a life with you, Stephen Strange.”

“Ditto.” Tony said from where he’d collapsed back onto the bed.

“I love you both.” Stephen smiled and Pepper smiled back.

“Ditto.”

[bereft-of-frogs]

Fanfic Author Asks

Thanks for tagging @veliseraptor ! Drinking red wine, wrote 1.5k words, ready to answer some questions!

Author Name: bereft of frogs

Fandoms You Write For: I’ve really gotten onto an MCU streak. I’ve never been this productive in my life. And churning out like...actual completed fics. MCU is apparently my current home. I also sometimes write for Les Misérables, and, despite my griping earlier today, I do still have my ‘Death Gods magnum opus’ planned for Supernatural. As far as ‘fandoms I write for and never publish’ that list is much, much longer. ;-)

Where You Post: now I only post to Ao3. I have a fanfiction.net account, but I haven’t crossposted anything in years. I still have some bookmarks saved there that I’d like to keep, but it’s unlikely I’ll start regularly posting to fanfiction.net ever again.

Most Popular One-Shot: My most kudo-ed one-shot (defining ‘one-shot’ as self-contained story in one chapter, not part of a serialized narrative’ so I excluded ‘hard road’), is ‘hurts like ghosts’. (If I was counting ‘hard road’ which I maybe should because this one was, technically, a one-shot when I posted it, the answer would be ‘bone and broth.’)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Easy-peasy answer. ‘pain and other human sensations.’

Favourite Story You Wrote: I honestly, absolutely am super proud of ‘dark underground//violent sky’. It’s pretty fucked up, and I multiple times in the notes said it was “the worst fandom thing I’d ever done” but that was just to cover how much it delighted me. I’m real proud of it.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: I’m nervous for a couple upcoming works, right now, but of what I’ve already posted, probably the third chapter of ‘bound at the end of the world’. Oh no, I remember, it was definitely the chapter ‘Betrayal’ in ‘pain and other human sensations.’ I was rambling in the notes, I was nervous to check for comments. It was not the most Tony Stark friendly chapter, very anti-Sokovia Accords, and introduced a female OC...I was hella stressed. It worked out well though, and really was probably one of my best chapters of that fic.

(I’m frequently nervous posting fics so this question had a lot of possible answers.)

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Honestly it’s mostly ‘how dramatic does this sound’? Rarely it’s song titles (Like ‘spare me over’ from ‘O Death’ and ‘hurts like ghosts’ adapted from Lord Huron’s ‘Love Like Ghosts’.)

Do You Outline: Yes and no. Sometimes fics just pour out of me in a slightly horrifying word-vomit. Bigger projects often have a rough outline of scenes in brackets (example: [background info here] [conversation about X]). The Biggest Project (the Endgame AU) has a very, very detailed outline.

How Many of Your Stories are complete: So far all of them, because I’m terrified of repeating my youthful mistakes. I don’t start posting until I’m 100% sure I can complete it in a reasonable amount of time. Right now I have two in-progress series (the nine in the tree and hard road) but all of my individual fics are technically complete on Ao3.

In-Progress: Um. Well...I guess I have like 10 currently in some state of existing?

Coming Soon:  Been mostly concentrating on the big bangs, but here’s what’s coming:

Marvel Big Bang: ‘of the stern agony and shroud’ (Part I of ‘the dead reign there alone’. Part II ‘his chambers in the silent halls of death’ is also coming along quite nicely, so should be ready by the time the big bangs posts!). Hela reigns in Asgard. Thor and Loki struggle with this.

Thorki Big Bang: (very nervous to post, first foray into the ship) ‘water all around’ A young Thor and Loki go off by themselves and find themselves investigating a mysterious set of disappearances in a small village. (Hundreds of years later, aboard a refugee festival with the last remnants of their people, they’re circling each other again.)

Grandthorki Day: (also so, so nervous to post. It’s really fucking dark. Real dark. I’m sorry. But hey, it’s over 7k words and has a title now.) ‘actors without props//beasts without names’. The Grandmaster likes to put on a show.

Whumptober 2019 Project: (thus far untitled). I picked 8 prompts, a totally reasonable number. Totally. Reasonable. My goal is to start posting on October 24, to culminate on October 31, which is Halloween but also my fandom-versary! I can’t believe I was smart enough a year ago to make my first day actively posting fanfiction Halloween. I truly am, That Spooky Bitch.

I know people are looking for the ‘Endgame AU’ (alone amidst the ruins) to appear on this. But I decided that, personally, feeling satisfied with the narrative is more important to me than rushing it out. The Worst Draft is about 2/3 done, then I’ll start rewriting, I’m really hoping to hit a groove and get it done soon, but I don’t want to make any promises about how soon that will actually be.

Do You Accept Prompts: Sure why not! I’ve asked for prompts before for ‘hard road’, but I’d be happy to take general prompts, or prompts for other series (like ‘the nine in the tree’) or whatever! I had a lot, a lot of fun answering all those AU headcanon asks, so I’m always thrilled when I get asks/questions/prompts! (Can’t always promise that how quickly I’ll get things done, but I’ll do my best!)

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: As much as I’m nervous to post the Thorki big bang, because it does feel a bit like tipping over a cliff, not just taking on a challenge to cover a really popular pairing but also opening myself up to possible intense criticism, or future scrutiny*, I’m honestly really, really satisfied with the narrative and the quality. I’m proud of it. I’m excited to get to share it.

*Even though yes, I am the one who, just hours ago, when faced with the rumors that VE Schwab was an incest shipper/supported incest shipping (accusations thrown around by the Supernatural fandom of all people) did say that if it turned out to be true I’d actually probably respect her more. I’m still a bit nervous.

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions: Ahhh you all know how bad I am at tagging people. I’m going to try, just a couple, but you’re under no obligation and I’m sorry if you’ve already been tagged: @kiwimeringue @adhd-loki

Okay I tagged two actual humans, other than that, please do consider this an open tag! If you want to go for it!

[janiedean]

gwenspiration self-recs

I was tagged by @jaimebrienneonline​ for this thank you!

sooo, the challenge was:

Taking the idea from the amazing Gwendoline Christie, we should be promoting ourselves and not acting like our creative endeavors are worthless. In that vein, I challenge everyone to blog their favorite of their own works, art, fic, meta, manip, doll story, whatever it may be.

aaand okay so I’m usually really bad at self-reccing so I’ll just go ahead and do a top five fics and a few meta links - this is not necessarily my most read stuff or whatever but if I have to choose in between my own children I will ;) also sticking to asoiaf/jb-centric stuff or it turns into a problem lmao [also I’m not putting some flowers bloom dead on this because I don’t wanna rec stuff I haven’t finished]

in the darkness on the edge of town: (jb, hooker au, explicit content) okay I don’t even know how to put this without sounding ridiculous but I honestly think it’s some of the best writing I put out period and I ended up putting an amount of blood sweat and tears I hadn’t anticipated into it but I loved doing it overall (because I also went and put in it everything I like writing about ngl and yes I have a thing for hooker au and I apparently succeeded in making it feel like a springsteen song so I’m proud of myself thank you) and I’m really happy with how it turned out. also, I gave myself confirmation that if springsteen’s involved my productivity arises.

I'm not a pretty girl, that's not what I do: (jb, brienne-centric with focus on her issues with her looks and femininity) long story short, I didn’t say it in the a/n when I posted this for the spitefic series because I wanted to check the reactions to it but now that it’s been months I can say it: this is the most personal thing I’ve ever put to fic in my entire life including specifically recycling my own childhood experiences into brienne’s and tackling directly 80% of the issues me and her have in common. and I think it came out pretty damn good and I also was flattered with the response I got to it because a lot of people commented about how relatable those issues were and just, this damned fic means a lot to me so have it ;)

conventions and inconveniences of the stage series (theon/robb, jaime/brienne, jonc/brynden tully for now, opera singers au series): okay this is a series so I’m cheating BUT I’m just really attached to all of the fics in it because a) I love opera and I was delighted that people actually read them and liked it regardless of the obscure subjects, b) they gave me the chance to branch out a lot, c) for now I had fics for two ships I dearly love (throbb and jb) and that have meant a lot to me in this fandom AND then the crackship I cultivated with a lot of love and care to which I gave one of my favorite operas in existence and I loved writing each single one of these fics and I think I’ve done a pretty good job with them and sorry but I picked the perfect operas for all of them and I’m dying on that hill. don carlo is 100% the throbb opera and fidelio is 10000% the jb opera you won’t take that from me. ;)

all knights are gallant and all maids are beautiful (jb, side-jc, genderbend): admittedly I wrote this thing out of spite because I hate that people refuse to see that jc is, in fact, a darned abusive dynamic but they wouldn’t say that if the genders were reversed so I went and genderbent all three of them just to prove the damned point of it and other than being very satisfied at how it turned out it was a fairly cathartic exercise to write it because that issue is really sitting badly on my stomach and has been for ages. so yeah I’ll put this one on the list also because ngl I liked writing male!brienne way more than I thought I would and overall I did have a pretty interesting time figuring out how to keep them IC while switching genders and it was in general a very good writing exercise for a lot of things and I think it came out pretty well.

and give all the love that you have in your soul (jb, jonc/omc, jonc/rhaegar, time travel): I thought about reccing something less widely read for the last spot but fuck it I’m going to put this one fic for a lot of reasons as in: a) I actually brewed on it for two years before writing it is2g it was a labor of love, b) I’m extremely proud of myself for having written time travel without losing my shit over the technicalities (I hate writing time travel) and the planning and the likes and I also think it didn’t have plot holes so score for me, c) this is where I admit that I 100% purposefully put jon connington as co-protagonist in here because I love him and I don’t think he gets enough fandom exposure and while I write him more than about anyone else I think until this fic I hadn’t managed to find a large audience for fic where he was a lead, so yes I totally did it because I knew a fic with a jb main pairing would mean more exposure and I was delighted to see that at the end of it people cared about his half of the storyline as much as they cared about the jb half of it. also I think brienne and jonc would be absolutely good potential friends if they met so I really was excited to explore that dynamic and yeah tldr this damned thing was a bitch to write but I loved doing it and I loved the feedback it had so that’s going to be this one.

there, that’s the fic. as far as the meta goes, a lot more quickly (of the meta I have on ao3 because I’m still on dash only) :

Brienne of Tarth and her importance as a literary character & Brienne and Jaime’s relationship: a textual analysis of their journey: I put together these two darned novels of analysis in a single piece that I gave to gwendoline christie at a con once because I felt like I should go there with something that would make clear how much brienne means to me as a character and then I threw in the jb stuff as well because I could. the first piece isn’t as in-depth but again as brienne is the only character I related to as much as I do for those reasons I really felt strongly about that meta subject. the second piece is basically me going through 90% of the relevant moments of jb history in the books and analyzing the shit out of it and not to brag but I like to think it was pretty good text analysis so here you go.

Why a Jaime/Brienne Endgame in the Books Makes More Sense Than One Might Think, Based on Previous Works of GRRM's: one of the things that irks me more about nihilistic/fatalistic readings of these two/of asoiaf is that most people who write them and dismiss jb as not important or not important enough to have overall plot relevance have not actually read grrm’s other books. since I happen to have read most of them and to have seen that he has patterns that are not nihilistic at all, I took the liberty to rant about it.

An Analysis of Jaime's Dream in ASOS: this was when I dissected jaime’s asos dream line by line and while I don’t think it’s particularly groundbreaking information it’s pretty much encompassing 90% of the arguments I use while theorizing about these two/jaime’s issues specifically and I think I worded it well enough, so here we go, that’s the third.

... wow, selling yourself is hard. thanks jbo for the tag!!

aaand as I should tag other people, idk who’s done it already buut I’m gonna tag also not-jb peeps and go for @lordhellebore, @trulilyy @randomingoftherandomness and @lodessa if they want to :)

[srebrnafh]

Passing the blowtorch on (MCU story)

Endgame spoilers

On AO3.

All my other MCU stories 

The lab was quiet and dark. Maybe a bit dusty.

He turned around, trying to map everything in his mind's eye.

Tables.

Cupboards.

Displays.

Screens.

A chair.

He touched the backrest. Pushed the chair, just slightly.

It rolled away easily.

He dragged his finger along one of the tabletops.

Perfectly smooth to touch.

Slowly, he sank onto a four-legged stool by the main displaytable and hid his face in his hands.

"Shit," he whispered with feeling. "Fuck this buggering shit."

"Language," a soft voice scolded him.

He straightened, but there was nobody with him in the dim, shut-down laboratory.

"And now I'm having fucking hallucinations."

His own voice sounded strange in the empty space.

"So," the other voice sounded amused-slash-derisive, "you're the spider... ling? Crime-fighting spider? Spider-boy?"

It hurt. It hurt so much he couldn't catch his breath.

"Sp..." he stuttered. "Spider-Man."

"Not in that onesie, you're not," someone informed him scornfully.

What the heck...?

"It's not a onesie," he sniffed angrily.

A small figure, sitting on the very same stool, slowly coalesced into being from small motes of light gathered over the main working area.

"Why are you sitting so far?" the man's voice asked incredulously. "Come on, to the board, kid. Chop, chop, no time to waste here."

"B-but," he pushed himself away from the table. "How are you here, while..."

"Kid," the apparition did not roll his eyes, but there was a suggestion he could. "There are more recordings of me in this room than an average soccer mom makes of her progeny in their lifetime. Everything I did here, everything I know, is recorded. This is an AI composite, and I will not explain how this is done, because you should know that much. Otherwise, there is enough in Friday's banks to cover any question you may want to ask, but she will not answer stupid ones. I expressly forbade her to."

"But, Mr Stark, I..."

"But but but. You start sounding like a broken motorboat. Get your ass in gear, Spider-Boy. Lessons to learn, things to be done, inventions to be put together. Get that chair and get closer to the table."

"What for?"

He anyway rose slowly, watching the light display in awe.

"Do you want to get authorised to the main control of the lab, or not?"

Even the bloody cocked eyebrow was 100% Tony Stark.

Peter felt tears prickling his eyes.

"Are you getting emotional on me, kid?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Stark, but - but Morgan, and Ms Potts - and it's just been a week - and..."

There was a moment of silence as the light flickered slightly.

"OK, I hope this time it's on," Tony Stark's voice came from somewhere - in fact, from all around Peter - and it sounded in some vague way different to how the small simulation did. "Fine, I see the control light, it should work now. OK, so. Peter. Kid. You're in the lab now. Means Pepper told you what I asked her to. You have access. In fact, you have full access to everything here. Friday will lead you through the setup, interface, blah blah. It's pretty much intuitive, you'll see. There are banks of all kinds of knowledge stored here, so you can indulge."

He managed to crack his eyes open - he never noticed he had squeezed them shut.

And there he was.

An actual recording, paused in the air in front of him.

Tony Stark, frowning, tired and somehow more real than the equipment around them.

"Yeah, so. You will be fine. Not today, certainly. This is supposed to be triggered on your first visit to the lab, as long as you are alone. You can watch this again and again, whenever you wish, but only alone. Because there are things I want you and only you to know."

There was a pause again.

"Listen, kid. If you are there and I'm not it means that Earth is still standing and, what's more important, we got you all back. If we didn't, I'm just recording this to be stored on my hard drive forever, hopefully never to find it, because listening to this will hurt.

"As of the moment of this recording, kid, you are all still... dead. Or whatever it is. I am optimistically assuming a few things. One, that this place survives whatever comes next. Two, that we will get you all back - and I have some, maybe, perhaps... some vague notion. Three, that you will survive the battle, because there will be a battle, that much is obvious. Now, all these three things put together and you being here, listening to this recording, I'm dead or as good as. Otherwise it would be the real life me doing the speech instead of this stupid recording."

Tony Stark looked away and then down, breathing slowly, before he continued.

"So we're after the Endgame, as Stephen called it. By the way, if I'm not there and he did survive, get his phone number. Just in case you need to, you know. Get something off your chest. Stuff. Because I will be asking you to do some things for me and none of them will be easy. For one, look after Morgan for me. Pepper, well, I love Pepper, but she will be saving the world, managing the company and trying not to fall apart at the seams. I'm not asking you to help her, because it's not something you can even try to do, but please try to..." he paused again. "Morgan could benefit from having a big brother and Happy is not in the right age bracket to do that in a believable way."

He nodded slowly. Little Morgan had been mostly subdued when he saw her last - probably the move from the countryside house to the Stark Tower had affected her more than it did to the grownups - but she seemed to be a perfectly nice kid.

"Now, for the more serious part," Tony's voice wend suddenly sharp. "You have to work on the armour. I've left some blueprints you can consider and there are all the designs I've drafted for your suit - there are several prototypes of new equipment in the storage, by the way, you can try installing them - so you should work from there. You have to assume, and this I'm saying extremely seriously, that the next enemy that comes will be, in sheer power, bigger than Thanos. There will be a need for plotting and planning and there will be a need for plain strength. I'm counting on you to provide both."

A panel on the tabletop slowly brightened.

"Your handprint will unlock the library," Tony's voice shifted slightly. "Everything you need, everything you could potentially need, all the materials and all components. This lab, the three around it. Friday. Every resource in the Stark Industries. Just ask and it is yours. I trust you will use it reasonably."

He swallowed hard and extended his palm.

"Peter," Tony's voice dropped significantly. "There are four basic designs I need you to work on from now on. Order of priority, from the left."

An oval, bullet-like shell, fitted with something resembling a kid's car seat.

An almost standard armour, marked with "flexi" in the name.

A standard, standard armour, marked with "fem".

An actual standard IronMan armour.

"Start with Morgan's capsule," the worried father said. "Start with Morgan's capsule, Peter. Make it perfect. And then..." he paused and looked Peter in the eyes. "Then make it mass-manufactured. Pepper will manage this, but the design will be yours."

With deliberation, Peter Parker pressed his open palm onto the waiting light plate.

"Hello, Peter," Friday's bright voice seemed to wake up the lab. "Do you want to set up security routines now?"

"I want to listen to the rest of the message," he nodded towards the frozen Tony Stark over the tabletop. "Then I want to set up the security and to review the current project files."

"Playing the recording then. I will remind you to set up the routines before you leave."

"You should set up the security routines before you do any work," Tony Stark pursed his lips. "What else... Ah. I have faith in you, kid. Remember that. I really hope this recording is not needed, because I'll be there to watch you do all the idiotic mistakes you can and laugh at you, but if I'm not, remember this - I trust you. I know you can do this."

He looked away, trying to cover his tearing-up eyes.

"The AI here has two modes. Friday will be with you all the time, but an additional routine I'm building will turn on occasionally and help you along."

He sniffed and grinned as he saw Tony's disembodied face do the same.

"One last request, kid."

He froze, waiting, his breath shallow.

"Don't eat at the working table. The panels work better when not covered with ketchup and grease."

There was a wet sound, something between a laugh and a sob, that escaped his throat.

"Alright, SpiderMan. I know we've had these little talks. Looking out for the little guy. Things like this. And I know you probably still want to do this. I totally understand. But now..." there was something pained in that voice. "I would let you keep doing this. I honestly would. But you can't afford to, not anymore. I'm sorry."

"It's OK, Mr Stark," he whispered, suddenly hoarse. "It's quite OK. I'll do it."

"Now, SpiderMan, the stage is yours. Tony Stark, over and out."

Peter slowly leaned forward, face again hidden in hands. The tears finally fell.

@bad-poetry-rants-and-fandoms

(if someone wants to be tagged on the MCU stuff, let me know)

[dragonnan]

Oh, I love these things!!!! Thank you for tagging me, @kitcat992!

1. At what age did you start writing fanfiction?

14 or 15.  This was back in the 80s, mind, so we had only JUST got our first computer - this beast called an IMB Zeos Clone.  Clunky, awkward, the only writing program was something along the lines of an ancient word processor.  After working through the gauntlet of online dialup I was faced with this nebulous “web” hunt and peck through these various shoddy sites.  HOW I discovered fanfic?  You know, I honestly cannot remember.  What I first remember reading was Star Wars and Star Trek.  The very first thing I started writing was a novel length Star Wars adventure based heavily on the published novels and featuring a self-insert Mary Sue.  Classic.  Took me 5 years to complete and I never posted it (though I still have it on hard disc lol). 

2. Who is your favorite author?

As others have stated, I have no single favorite.  I adore the writings of my bestie, SydneyWoo, in the Psych fandom - though she hasn’t written in years.  FAR too many to list, though, of other favorite Psych authors but you can find the list HERE.  For the MCU, I adoooore @kitcat992, @yellowdistress, @silentsaebyeok, and @sumpetals as well as several others.  For Sherlock one of my biggest faves is sgam76 - she is MAGIC the way she writes massive stories that heavily feature the contentious/caring relationship between Mycroft and Sherlock and she fleshes out that world like no other.  (plus her whump is decadent!!!).  Another Sherlock fave is @mizjoely - her Sherlock/Molly fics are meltingly glorious and pound the romance button hard!  

3. Favorite type of scene to write?

That oppressive anxiety-laden moment leading up to horror.  When the character is just coming to realize how bad their circumstances are about to become yet also knowing there is no escape.  

4. What is your favorite fanfic?

Holy hell, well again, this isn’t possibly a single answer as I have different fics I adore in different fandoms (and MANY besides!)!  I’ll do my best not to make this too long!!

Okay, so, Sherlock is maybe the easiest.  

Scheherezade by sgam76 Redemption by sgam76 Lost for Words by awanderingbard

MCU:

Identity Theft by KitCat992 A Sailor Went to Sea by YellowDistress youth by sumpetals (warning: reference noncon)

Psych (sorry, this one is looooong!):

I Don't Know How to Say Goodbye by Psychrulz And Then The World Blew Up by SydneyWoo Lingering Chill by s_c An Almost World by Oldach Dreaming A Whisper to the Living by Xparrot Fractures by VampKira Love Lasts Forever, but Sanity Has a Shelf Life by Redwolffclaw The Spencers of Santa Barbara: The Curse of Benitoite by JR88fan Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill by JR88fan A Funny Thing Happened On the Way Into Hell by Am_I_Zombie Hard To Believe It Will Be Okay by silverluna Happy Halloween by NoirCat Father Figures by Kirei  Fathers and Sons Felonious and Otherwise by Okapi Statement Time by NoirCat 

5. What tags do you avoid like the plague?

I really hate deathfic (yet DO have a few I’ve read but they were exceptions).  Save for Sherlolly (Sherlock/Molly) I pretty much avoid romance geared fic - especially non-canon pairings.  

I WILL NEVER READ CANON COMPLIANT ENDGAME FIC. FULL STOP.

If the fic lists Morgan Stark among the characters I will swipe left.

If the fic lists Starker I will light my computer on fire.

I rarely read au fic of any sort - I like my characters to be who they are with very few exceptions.

I don’t really care for crackfic.

I almost never read fic shorter than 1,000 words.  

6. What AU do you wish to write but feel like you won’t manage?

I currently AM writing an Endgame au - though not the actual events so much as referencing an alternate history.  This is a massive undertaking and will like take until the end of time to complete.

7. Do you outline, or write as you go?

Pretty much develop the story as I go.  I tend to have a broad sense of the story in my mind but mostly it’s an organic process that I build on as I go - adding tons of notes after every chapter.

8. What has been your favorite story to write so far? Why?

Oh, gosh...  Well, for Psych, it’s Where There is Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth; a cannibal/horror adventure that took me about 7 years to finish.  I love it because my favorite thing about writing Psych is to insert what we’ll NEVER see in that franchise - like cannibalism lol! Ok, yeah, they did that zombie episode but STILL it was just a dream so...  Anyhow, this fic was actually inspired by a dream my friend, SydneyWoo, had.  The research was straight up nauseating, not gonna lie.  However, I loved writing such a deviant character and it’s easily the worst whump I’ve ever inflicted on Shawn. 

For MCU it’s Simple Math; a Tony-centric introspective piece and the first story I every wrote for that fandom.  This story tries to unpack Tony’s feelings following Obie’s betrayal - something I’ve yet to find in fanfic that delves into it to my satisfaction.  While a one-shot it is 100% about Tony trying to figure out why Obie hated him.  There is very much a child-like confusion and loss to his emotions as I feel that has to be the greatest hurt caused by someone he’d thought was a friend (prior to Civil War).  Plus I had so many questions, myself, and wanted to work through them through Tony’s mind.   

For Sherlock, it’s the in-progress story, The Tiger and the Shark, a non-con whump/PTSD fic that, again, is the first fic I’ve ever written for this fandom.  Yet another fic dealing with a subject that other fics of this sort never satisfy with their handling.  Too often they are either too short or too graphic or may be well written but tend to move too fast towards recovery.  I wanted to explore the day to day details.  Some days are good, more days are bad - or numb - or frantic.  I wanted to see how other characters reacted - my favorite being Mycroft (criminally underused in fandom).  This story spans over a year (so far) so I don’t cut corners on the trauma.  It is 95% comfort and getting into Sherlock’s head, as he copes, has easily been, by turns, a wonderful as well as heart-wrenching experience.   

9. Do you prefer to write one-shots or multi-chapters? Why?

I try to write one-shots but always end up going multi-chapter.  I admit I LOVE multi-chapter because it allows me to truly develop the story properly and dig into character trauma.

10. What is your favorite kind of comment?

Like everyone else has said, it’s any comment that goes deep into analyzing my story.  I LOVE the opportunity to engage with a commentator and the more involved the comment, the easier it is to interact.

11. Why did you start writing fanfiction? Why are you still writing?

Even as a tiny childling I loved telling stories.  I was always writing little books about animals - sorta like the Serendipity tales.  How that suddenly turned towards fanfic I honestly can’t remember.  Most likely born from discovering fanfic and realizing there were things I wanted to see that wasn’t being provided by the shows and movies I watched aka whump.  

I continue to write fanfic because, the more I develop as a writer the more passionate I feel about my craft.  Sites like AO3 are hugely encouraging towards that end as there is a whole community of writers with which I’m honored to interact who keep feeding my love of story telling.  And since the fandoms I love, sadly, continue to disappoint with their stupid ass decisions I feel burdened with glorious purpose to put right what they made wrong.

ALRIGHT HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS

Haha! Psych!  It’s the same questions! I actually like them so I ain’t changing anything xD

Okay, damn.... So I need to tag ya’ll people.  Alrighty, here I go!  @disappearinginq @mizjoely @sumpetals @aelaer @iron--spider @yellowdistress @villaniouslyawesome