#now i am one of those pitiful creatures who have to go through life without a dog by their side | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kusagrasskusa · 2 years

Text

Mortal Kombat Males X Reader Imagines - VILLAIN EDITION :D - "Falling In Love" - Part 2

HOW THE FUCK AM I JUST NOW LEARNING THAT KUNG JIN IS GAY AND MILEENA WAS IN LOVE WITH TANYA- and who the FUCK is Meat?

Kano, Shang Tsung, Quan Chi, Ermac, Shao Kahn, Baraka, Scorpion, Noob, Goro, Reptile, and Erron Black.

FOR ALL THE NOOB FANS, I'M SO SORRY SKSJHSJ IT'S SO EFFORTLESS SINCE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AJFHSJSHSJJA (and thank you commenters of We're All Mad Here by SJ Tucker for the help)

I know some people hate it when writers engrave a song they like into their story, because a lot of the time, the reader doesn't know the song and just wants to get to the story instead. Reptile's part does have reference to He Is by Ghost, but it isn't much, I promise! I'm kinda listening to it right now and feel influenced by it haha

@wants2fight @bihansthot @jt-artsandfics @thetigerandthedoe @theelderhazlenut Thanks for the support on part 1!!!

~~~~~~

Scorpion

Y/N L/N was no fighter, nor could she even bare the thought of a person being cut. So what made Quan Chi want to keep her around? Simple; she had detailed vision, accurate predictions, and a personality that makes her loyal, vulnerable, honest, and weak. She was kind and entire harmless as she's been scared by so many things in the NetherRealm that she's barely capable of talking without stuttering. She holds her arms close together and talks quietly and nervously, looking at the ground and being shaking whenever she's around people. She cries when she alone and seemingly has forgotten how to smile.

Being under the watchful eyes of the hellspawns of Lui Kang, Kitana, and all those, Y/N is scared senseless all the time. It's not like she's given an outfit or armor to resist hits and fire; she's sorta expected to wear a dress, kimono, or something civil. Therefore, she gets constant burns, cuts, and others from crackling lava and hits from the demons. She's treated constantly for her wounds.

Scorpion is the most humane of all the hellspawns. This takes place in Mortal Kombat X before some people are freed from Quan Chi's control, however even with all these different creatures Y/N still knows Scorpion is more alive. He's a slave, however he still feels constant pain whereas the others simply believe something happened to them but otherwise feel nothing bad. They're empty shells that survive off a lie planted in their heads.

Scorpion is typically the one escorting Y/N around, as he knows Hell more than any of the other revenants. They always walk silently side by side, and Y/N's also so thankful of which. She's heard of Scorpion and knows about his past entirely, but she's always been too scared to tell him. Scorpion felt pity for the girl, however he never knew her enough to truly care for her.

At least, that was until one day. Y/N was being escorted to her chamber after being burned badly by Lui Kang for not speaking straight. She was in tears, shivering, and whimpering. Suddenly, for the first time, she boldly grabbed Scorpion's sleeve softly and stopped him. She then leaned her head on his arm, breaking down in tears. She begged to be killed by him as what she's going through it worse than death. Servitude, severe abuse, constant fear, no family or friends, not even the strength to talk right is only a few of what she goes through. The demon pat her shoulder and waited for her to stop before returning her to her chamber.

No judgements, no pain, nothing negative came from rather embarrassing act from Y/N. Hell, just emoting was embarrassment to someone who was considered weak. Though the very next day when Y/N was being escorted, Scorpion mentioned out of no where that she had a very difficult life and that he pities her. She shouldn't be afraid to cry around him, he explained. As if she was in a small concrete room filled with poison, blades, and monsters, Y/N felt trap. But just a few sentences by Scorpion made her feel as if the walls of that cage were cracking, giving her a chance to possibly escape her harsh world.

Whenever they were alone, Y/N would stutter out how she feels and what she has to endure. She would explain she had no chance of defending herself since she isn't allowed to even carry a glass shard. She's a slave due to her knowledge and killing herself wouldn't do anything as Quan Chi could revive her. Much to the girl's surprise, Scorpion had slowed down their paces to listen to every word she spoke as if he cared.

It would take many events like this before Y/N would finally fully trust the demon enough to talk more in depth about out her feelings. Often times, she would break down crying and Scorpion would be by her side, holding her with one arm. He didn't have to do anything to help her at all, but had a reason to. Y/N was a small, loving woman who's scared, helpless, and weak against those trying to kill her every second of her life. Yet despite these traumas, the trust in her prevails revealing just how innocent she really is. It reminds him of someone who was very close to him and how scared and helpless she must have been when she passed.

Y/N was sleeping in her room one particular night, and had a dream about Scorpion. He was alive and well, on a table drinking tea with someone who she knows he hates. Sub Zero spoke about how he knows the truth of his family and clan, and later on shows him proof that Quan Chi killed all of them. The suppressed sadness Scorpion felt was unleashed and his anger was redirected. It was when the two ninjas promised a truce did Y/N wake up, shaking with shock and smile on her face.

Just then, she got a knock on her door meaning that Quan Chi needed her. She got up and opened the door, revealing Scorpion. He immediately noticed her smile and tears at the corner of her eyes, asking about what had happened. After all, she hadn't smiled genuinely in so fucking long. She then nervously giggled, shaking her head. "I had a vision about you. But I think it's best if you wait for it to happen. In advance, I'm so happy for you!" A sense of relief washed over his body as if he was wanting to hear something good about him for a while.

It just so happened Scorpion was to escort her somewhere further away, making room for a long conversation between. During the walk, Y/N couldn't stop smiling and Scorpion couldn't help but notice. Then he asked on a desperate tone if he would return to life. Y/N looked up at him, replying with, "so much more than just life." That said it all for Scorpion. He knew he would relive, restore the Shirai Ryu, and get revenge.

Quan Chi had asked Y/N to tell him the outcome of Special Forces invading NetherRealm as he found out it was inevitable. Looking into the future, she found out that it wasn't going to be what Quan Chi likes. She stuttered out a few filler words as she fidgeted with her hands. The sorcerer scowled, raising his voice at Y/N for not giving him a clear answer. She stuttered out that Sonya Blade and Johnny Cage would defeat him and the revenants and force them into hiding.

Quan Chi hissed and slapped the girl, yelling at her for "given the wrong fate." Y/N yelled out that she was being truthful and explained more in depth of what would happen. The sorcerer raised his hand above the girl, however before he could strike, a voice yelled out for him to stop. Scorpion held his hand out in a halt sign while his other hand pulled Y/N away from Quan Chi's range. The girl yelped and covered her head with her arms out of fear whenever Quan Chi began to yell.

To say that Scorpion received harsh punishment would have been an understatement if Y/N hadn't stopped it. Just as Quan Chi was about to react, the girl had jumped in the way and yelled out that if something happened, some of revenants will die and thats not something to risk. It was a lie, of course, but she had to lie. Later, Scorpion had thanked her and suddenly, the idea of his died wife came into his mind. How he felt when he met her to when he asked her to his forever.

The thought wouldn't leave him. Such a shame that only mere days later, he wasn't able to see her as much at all. Even if he was the one to put her into hiding whenever the SP attacked, he wasn't satisfied. Saying goodbye to a woman he began to love was heartbreaking. Putting her into that crate in a dark, unoccupied room was dreaded for him. Y/N, that sweet girl, was however able to calm him. "Scorpion," she whimpered out, wiping her fearful tears. She knew what would happen so she just smiled at him. "It's time!"

When Scorpion returned to the abandoned Shirai Ryu as a mortal again, he couldn't think about anything else but restoring it. Although he felt empty now without that girl, this would satiate his needs for now. As he'd train and piece by piece being back his clan, the idea of one day taking back Y/N from hell wouldn't leave his mind even in sleep. One day, he promised himself. One day she'll be free again.

Y/N'a life had taken a terrible turn. She couldn't kill herself or she'll lose her humanity and simply turn into a demonic servant. There was no escape to her servitude and pain. She wanted to be happy too, considering that such an incredible person had returned along with a few others. But her mental and physical anguish was too much. Quan Chi would assure her youth as well.

20 years later...

Blindfolded and cuffed, Y/N sat down in a seat surrounded by guards from the SP. In front of her stood the blind swordsman known as Kenshi. Despite his best efforts, he wasn't able to see into her mind. It's unclear as to why, but it seems no one was ever able to see into her mind. Afterall, Quan Chi wouldn't have needed her to tell him anything if he could see into her mind. Kenshi may have not been able to look into her mind, but her submissive and uneasy nature proved to him that she was just very nervous and therefore easier to read. She was very honest.

Trust didn't come quickly, of course, however it was only enough time until they understood she was simply a slave to the Oni. Captured from her clan, she was held hostage for about 45 years despite her youth. She was kept young, in her 20s, in order to remain healthy for as long as it served Quan Chi. Y/N couldn't help break down crying as she was quickly found innocent.

Actually, it's been a few, maybe 2, days til they finally realized Y/N was innocent. The girl confessed to every single thing she was asked and gave away as much of Quan Chi she knew. Luckily, the timing was right as she was able to watch besides Takeda, Kenshi, and the others as Quan Chi got escorted to another SP camp.

God, that hatred she felt was beyond comprehension. Takeda had wrapped an arm around the girl as she began to whimper, then began to cry. She has to say, the old hoodie she was given in placement of those strangely revealing outfits (c'mon, this is MK) was much more comfortable to cry in. For the first time in 45 years, she would be able to smile and laugh as her confidence would slowly raise. Kenshi airway informed her of the psychological issues she will deal with for the rest of her life, but she didn't care.

In her time as a slave, her confidence was destroyed. She had no individuality and was seen rather as a number with all the other slaves rather than a person. She was beat, abused, humiliated, alone, witness to terrible things, scared, and everything else for what's a lifespan to some people. But finally, she'd see the cause of it be put away for longer than she has. He'll suffer like she did, right?

Of course, she didn't mean put away as in prison. She knows the man she thought about ever since a fateful day would return and imprison that creature in an afterlife. It's only a matter of time.

We all know how it happens. Sonya and the others fight then get held down by Hanzo's clanmembers. Hanzo mercilessly harms Quan Chi before finally, cutting off his head. The excitement held in Y/N's mind is alive as she closes her eyes, waiting for Shinnok to be summoned. She knew it would all happen, but she also knew it was would be okay. Cassie would defeat the newly awoken God.

As Hanzo was casted down with the force of the amulet, Y/N runs towards him. She dropped by his side, grabbing his hand tightly. The terrified girl ignored Shinnok as he spoke, only focusing on the man under her.

When he sees her, that feeling in his chest came back. His eyes widened as his hand weakly tightens around hers, whispering, "Y/N...?" Suddenly, a large smile grows on her face and she begins to giggle.

"I told you, you'll get more than just life. You'll get your revenge, Hanzo Hasashi," she giggled tearfully, pressing his hand up to her cheek. Hanzo weakly smiles back, staring into her eyes.

At least a shared kiss was able to ease the pain momentarily.

Noob Saibot

Noob Saibot. In short, a being of darkness and servitude who lost everything that could ever make him human. He started off a Grandmaster that had a heart of ice after ruthlessly taking the lives of many. However due to someone targeting him for the wrong crime, his life was cut short. Swallowed by flames, the once leader of his clan turned into a being of hatred, darkness, and shadows. He has two separate minds now; Noob, his body. And Saibot, his shadow.

Y/N L/N, a certainly interesting person. She doesn't fight, no, never did. But she does have a strong weapon; her mouth. It's hard to say what drove her to her insanity, however whatever it was ruined the girl for life. With a permanent smile and a mind of riddles, her words always keep people from crossing her. She was simply able to convince people of anything she wanted. Remember how the Cheshire Cat would talk? She was very similar to him.

However, even though he couldn't fight through her strangeness, the original Subzero couldn't stand being with her. So what if she could talk her enemies into killing themselves for the two when they were assigned missions together? Bi Han was an assassin who needed no help. However, with the previous Grandmaster assigning them missions together, there was nothing he could do about it.

Y/N was brought without any ice as a power. She was from the Lin Kuei, however she was nearly abandoned for being labeled useless and insane. Even as a child watching someone fight to the death, a smile remained on her face. Even when seeing two innocent toddlers play with toys, her words could make the entire situation sound as terrible as hearing someone slowly be skinned alive. Her eyes were filled with no emotion at all however her actions were never laced with bad intent.

Growing up together, Bi Han wasn't very fond of the girl. After all, she could talk people into fighting each other just so she can be entertained, therefore ruining his time. However, he was always impressed to to the least.

One of their missions was particularly dangerous. Kill the leader of a neighboring clan while ensuring no one sees them. Well, the mission ended up being a success! But only because Y/N talked everyone she came across to kill themselves for her. And damn that annoyed the Sub Zero.

In the middle of the mission, Bi Han had no problem yelling at the girl for her ignorant actions. How is it that she just has to run her mouth for a few minutes to get them to fucking kill themselves while he has to fight and train his best in order to win a fight and be prepared for the next.

Of course, Y/N just giggled and booped his nose playfully. "Bi Han, darling," she sweetly cooed, "you make an excellent warrior, sir. If you don't need me, I'll simply wait outside next mission, okay?"

So that's what happened. However, the young Bi Han ended up needing help.

Y/N giggled to herself as she watched an enemy slit his own throat open in shame, dying around the rest of his comrades. Bi Han hissed, rolling his eyes and his cheeks heating up under his mask. "Show off."

"You know, I would rather be anywhere else but with you most days. I don't know or care where, just not with you."

"Well," Y/N shrugged cockily, "you'll only know where you want to go when your somewhere you don't want to be."

To be honest, most missions ended up like this. But eventually, Bi Han was able to simply handle himself in these missions. Y/N would smile but damn she felt so bored. Bi Han's ego got big in the meantime, even if he himself wasn't used to winning all the time.

One time however, Y/N decided that she would join in the mission anyway. As the people around her dropped dead, Bi Han simply sighed and retrieved the item they needed. "Strange. You aren't mad? Perhaps the stress was getting to you, hmm?"

"Not at all, Y/N. I simply wanted to get this over with quickly," he answered. "Besides, you looked so bored by yourself."

Y/N smirked, awing. "Aww, did you miss me?" She wrapped her arms around him as he rolled his eyes.

Later on, the two sat down at the table together and ate. In a bit, the two would go on another mission. Y/N brought up randomly how Bi Han didn't react to her hugging him. Bi Han's face turned a little pink as he tsked, shaking his head. At this point in the time, the two were only 15 years old so I'm just saying that childhood crushes are very possible right now.

Quickly brushing off the conversation, Bi Han continue to eat until eventually they both finished.

Let's skip a few years, shall we? The two are 17 years of age and talk about a tournament is coming up in a few years. Two years of training and missions together sure as hell caused the two to get close, even if Y/N annoyed him a lot.

"Sooooo, Bi Han! Do you think we'll fight in the tournament?"

Bi Han tsked, shaking his head. "I will. You, however, will not ever. As son of the Grandmaster, I will be able to set that in stone soon." Y/N giggled, shrugging it off.

"You must hate me, don't you?"

"Hate you? You've clearly never seen me hate someone if you think this is what me hating is like."

Let's be honest right now, Bi Han doesn't hate her in the slightest. As a matter of fact, he grew impressed with her skill more and more among the years. Not only impressed but...feared her skill.

As we all may know, Bi Han was a warrior whose heart was cold from many killing sprees. He couldn't stand someone getting in his way so as he grew to realize that Y/N could easily destroy him, he began to worry.

He feared her and that earned her his respect

But also because I have like no fucking idea what should happenn between these two characters, let's just say Bi Han is some tsundere for Y/N okay? BeCaUsE fOr HiM tO rEsPeCt SoMeOnE sO mUcH, hE MuSt LiKe ThEm DeArLy, AnD tHeIr TiMe GrOwInG uP ToGeThEr LeD tO bI hAn FeElInG iN lOvEeeeeEEE~

Of course, that doesn't mean the girl would love him back. So what if Bi Han would start turning red whenever she hugged him? It didn't make her want to consider the possibility of him liking her. Hell, the thought had never crossed her mind.

Even as a child, the one thing she always thought of was just getting things over with; such as life. All she wants is to just talk to people, maybe make a few friends and enemies, eat, drink, breathe, survive, and all that. Not to be suffering or reclusive, but not to be obsessing over perfection and center of attention. Part of just getting over life was to simply complete her missions until she's in a comfortable place as an assassin.

She never cared about love. She may not be fully developed but she's an old soul. Her strength in her words prove that. So when she tells herself that having a family is something she doesn't want, then having a family is something that will never happen.

But, even if she never wanted to fall in love romantically, she loved Bi Han like a brother. All those hugs, teasing, and playing wasn't just to ease her boredom, but rather because she loved him.

"Bi Han! Look at this!" Y/N called out to her friend in the middle of a dangerous mission. Bi Han jumped, turning towards her with a glare that could fucking kill. She held out a baby turkey to him and silently squealed in awe. "It's so cute! I'm taking her back with us." She put the baby into her scarf to keep her warm and secure as the two would carry out their mission.

"You yelled at me while we were trying to hide just to show me...this?" Bi Han asked as he watched Y/N walk around with the poult following. She giggled, nodding her head. He rolled his eyes and simply accepted the fact that this dumbass managed to get away with kidnapping a baby bird and kill an entire group of skilled fighters by talking.

However, unfortunately, times weren't always this happy.

On Y/N 18th birthday, tragedy struck.

With the turkey who was now 2 years old, fully grown, on Y/N's lap and Bi Han sitting next to her, Y/N managed to have a good time simply by watching the sunset and talking.

Don't ask me how, but it's like the turkey, P/N, was otherworldly. By which I mean that their feathers faded from brown to colorful blues, purples, and red. Their eyes were pure white and it's body was larger than it should be. Not only that, but their wings were capable of shooting feathers out of them. So yeah, turns out Y/N found a turkey from Outworld without even knowing it.

P/N silently purred (yes, turkeys and chickens purr) as Y/N carressed their feathers softly. Bi Han simply sat silently contemplating what he'd say to Y/N. "Hmm...You seem antsy. What's on your mind?" She asked her friend, smiling softly at him.

A pause came between them before he finally replied. "Y/N... We have known each other since childhood and together, we have finally reached adulthood. In that time, we grew so close, did we not? After so long, I," he trailed off. Y/N cocked her head to show she was listening.

"I could not help myself from feeling not only like your friend but something more. The more I think of it, the more I realize that I perhaps care for you not only as a friend, but as someone I would love to spend the rest of my days with. Y/N..." He paused once more. Y/N hummed when her friend grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly. Bi Han took off his mask, the redness of his cheeks visible as he finally confessed, "I believe I have fallen in love with you."

...

A minute of silence passed before Y/N finally opened her mouth. Yet as soon as she did- Boom!

The walls of the village crashed down then creatures from hell ran in next. The trio were quick to rush into battle (well, I suppose one just spoke) with the help of their clanmates however it would have been simpler if someone else hadn't stepped into the village.

A creature filled with hatred and rage stepped into the battlefield as most of the clan's fighters were occupied with the common hellspawns. Y/N and P/N were a bit too busy to fight the new intruder, but Bi Han, the Sub Zero, had time. (hah battle turkey)

Scorpion; a creature from hell who claimed Sub Zero had killed he and his clan. Yet even so, no one knew what the hell he was speaking of. But all Sub Zero knew was that whatever happened to his clan, he was grateful for it.

And Sub Zero would remember this for the next years of his life. The rest of Y/N's birthday was spent repairing the village walls and ridding the corpses of the demons. And Y/N and P/N in the village infirmary watching Bi Han barely survive all the wounds he suffered from Scorpion.

Seeing Y/N frown for the first time was a sight he never wanted to see again. She was known for always smiling, every hour of every day of her life. How much sorrow she must have felt when she thought her only friend in this world could die. Knowing that there was nothing she could do about it considering for some reason, her words don't affect the dead and demons in the slightest. All she could do was fight alongside P/N with her mediocre fighting skills.

Before the two had met, Bi Han was cold and serious he knew. But only after befriending Y/N did he start to act less serious. He simply allowed Y/N to yell when they were hiding, let her fight large groups while he handled smaller ones, let her act like a child, and let himself fall in love. But now, his serious side was coming back to him.

"Not now, Y/N," the Sub Zero spoke as Y/N wrapped her arms around him. "I have to be somewhere."

"Aww, when did you get so serious? You used to just drag me around at times like this, hehe."

"Indeed, but not anymore."

Y/N would still try to hug and talk to him playfully, but he would always push her away. She grew to accept it considering that he was soon to be the next Grandmaster but still, he hadn't acted like this in so long.

Yes, it's true, in two years the Sub Zero will be Grandmaster. Once he's 20 years old, he'll be head of everyone. Y/N just thought was strange that right after a dark event such as meeting Scorpion. he decided to start training extra hard and take lessons for leadership. Hell, Kuai Liang had noticed it too.

"Excuse me?" A softer voice spoke from behind Y/N. She turned around, smiling down at the small brunette boy. He looked to be about 14. "Are you Y/N, the friend of Big Brother?"

"That, I am," she replied, bowing down. "I see your brother must speak of me to you. You know, he speaks highly of you to me. How may I be of service?" Nervously, the young boy began to speak. In short, he was worried for his brother. Y/N would giggle and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

"Your brother is strange, is he not? Do you believe a dog is strange?" Kuai cocked his head questioningly, then shook his head. "Correct. A caring dog will growl when angry but will comfort when it's pleased. Yet your brother; he cares enough to comfort us when angry, but growl when pleased."

"I'd like to call it yelling," corrected the boy.

"Call it what you'd like," Y/N replied, giggling. "But it's strange nonetheless, isn't it? That's why I love him, truly."

That sisterly love for him never went away, even when Bi Han was away for long periods of time. Whenever Kuai would tell her stories of her big brother, that admiration for him would only get stronger.

Even in two years time, she loved him the same. During Sub Zero's ceremony for Grandmaster, she was the one who believed in him the most. In the two years of them speaking only half as much as before, she managed to get him to spar a couple times. And damn, he became so much stronger than ever.

It's a shame that she never figured out if Sub Zero still loved her or not. Of course, as we can imagine, he still did but he would never tell. If Y/N knew, she probably could have convinced herself to love him romantically.

As the tournament drew closer, Y/N knew she'd have to get serious too. P/N was 4 by then and her size made up for Y/N's mediocre fighting skills; like Ferra and Torr. But damn, she wishes she wasn't qualified.

"I remember one day when you said that when you were Grandmaster, you would make sure I wouldn't never enter the tournament. What changed, Bi Han?" Y/N joked as she smirked playfully at her friend. Bi Han leaned forward in his desk, recalling that event.

"Would you prefer staying here then? You and P/N would make an excellent team," Bi Han replied, taking his mask off to show his full face. Y/N giggled when she saw facial hair starting to grow him; she would make fun of him being a late bloomer often.

"Shang Tsung's scroll tells me I can't stay here." Y/N pulled out the scroll and read over a paragraph again before sighing to herself. "I'm excited, you know. I can't wait to see us fighting together like we used to!" Bi Han smirked to himself but brushed off her comment.

"I could not agree more."

A few days before the tournament, the selected members of the Lin Kuei were on their way to Outworld. Cyrax, Sektor, Smoke, Bi Han, and Y/N set out on horses to their destination. Smoke and Bi Han communicated while Cyrax kept his attention on our lovely Y/N.

And damn it annoyed Bi Han. Cyrax had no problem flirting as he was amazing at it. The two seemed to get along well and quickly got into each other's personal lives. Like where from the clan their from, who their parents are, what happened to their parents, their goals, and all that. When Y/N mentioned that she just wanted to get life over without worrying about a significant other, Cyrax made a comment with that. "That's a shame. I would love to change your mind, sweetie, cause I could grant you a good time." (idk how to flirt okay)

Luckily for Cyrax's life, the group had found their entranced to Outworld before anyone died. But don't think this wouldn't be brought up later, when everyone was getting settled into chambers that they'll rest in until the tournament is over.

"Do you like him?" Bi Han asked, pouring tea into cups for he and Y/N.

"That would depend on which like you mean," she replied, sitting down. P/N cuddled next to her, resting their head on her lap.

"It does not matter," he hissed, pulling his mask off. A look of jealousy would have been confused for hatred or bloodlust if Y/N hadn't known him so well.

"Well then," she spoke softly while grinning cockily. "It really doesn't matter if I like him or not."

Bi Han rolled his eyes, glaring. "I am serious, Y/N. Do you like him?"

"Why are you serious, friend? Me and him had only just met a few days ago. How could I possibly fall for him?" Y/N asked, picking up her cup and sipping some of the tea.

Bi Han didn't answer. Instead, he just took a drink and thought to himself. The tournament would begin in the early mornings of tomorrow. The way should would fight would surely annoy plenty as she never gets many bruises or cuts, she only speaks. She would probably annoy people with her childish and careless speech but then in battle, she becomes cryptic.

Her words are like the wisdom of the laughing god; some would call her insane. But what is insanity but a definition, one that is always changing, always earning and losing meaning. All we know is that we know nothing, and we may be wrong sometimes. Only he who thinks he knows everything can be wrong a hundred percent of the time. Perhaps the wisest of them all was the prophet who never spoke, but just laughed and saw the joke. For you see - the universe has a wonderful sense of humor. Perhaps that can explain her childish behavior and laughter.

"Perhaps,' Y/N spoke up again, smiling wider than usual. "Maybe you still love me. Is that it?" Bi Han felt his cheeks warm up as he nodded.

"Perhaps I do. It's a shame I never got your answer that day. What were you going to say?" he asked as he set down his tea cup. Yet again, as soon as Y/N opened her mouth, Sektor knocked on the door.

"It is getting late. We must be going to sleep now, you two." And just like that, the two said their goodnights and went to their rooms to sleep.

The tournament required too much training and focus to even worry about what her answer was. It's, again, a shame.

Two Lin Kuei warriors fell to the floor, unconscious, as a looming figure of pure hatred stands over them. "I will have my revenge, but I will not kill Sub-Zero."

The doors silently pried open, revealing a grinning girl with a turkey and an ice cold man. "Will not? Or cannot?"

"You!" As Y/N and the turkey walk over to where the familiar Raiden is, Sub Zero and Scorpion approach each other.

"The Shirai Ryu are dead. You will suffer as they did."

"To hell with your clan!"

"No, to hell with you!" Instantly, the bodies of these two enemies were swarmed by flames before seemingly disappearing. Y/N smirked cockily to herself as she awaited her best friend's victory. However, as the minutes past, she grew nervous.

"I can sense your agitation, Y/N," a deep voice spoke. Y/N looked over at Raiden, nodding her head. "I can assure you that he will live. Do not fret."

By the gods, if only he was right.

Y/N eyes focused as flames grew in the middle of the room. She expected to see her friend, but instead saw Scorpion. She waited for Sub Zero to return as well but it never came. She noticed Scorpion raising his hand slowly, a skull and spine within his grasp.

Being buried to her neck and kept alive so she can feel warms and bugs eat her from within the ground would have hurt so, so much less.

Y/N fell onto her knees, her smile disappearing for the fist time in two years. Her eyes were wide as she watched the skull of her best friend hit the floor and shatter. With a scream, Scorpion had disappeared after being engulfed with flames. As people begin to leave, Y/N stays onto the floor while others surround the skull.

Y/N drowned out the sounds of the god and Lin Kuei member arguing as she just sat in sorrow.

...

Y/N hadn't smiled in a few days. When she was called to fight, the battle was over in moments. P/N would charge at them while Y/N would dully speak in a low voice that only her opponent could hear, convincing them to back down. Once they let their guard down, she would simply hit them hard enough to knock them unconscious. That's all she would do.

All she focused on was training whenever the tournament wasn't going on. No matter what drama happened between the realms, all she cared about was keeping EarthRealm safe.

Even when she was brought to the inauguration of Lui Kang, she remained cold and lonesome. Yes, it was edgy but that disbelief and emptiness in her heart stopped her from even caring. Congrats, Lui Kang defeated Shao Kahn and Goro. But how can she celebrate happily without her happiness alive to celebrate with her? Sure, Kuai Liang was there now but she simply couldn't be happy.

To say that great sorrow made her stronger was an understatement however.

Whenever the second tournament started back up, of course she fought her heart out but in the end it was worthless to her.

Until...

"Y/N L/N," a deep voice called out. Y/N paused, turning around to face however just called out her name. The two stood in the middle of the forest of Outworld, where the trees had faces and corpses hung in displayed everywhere.

"Greetings, creature of darkness," Y/N replied, frowning as she eyed the new person in front of her. He wore a black mask, black clothing, black everything. "If you came for a fight, I apologize that you will need to speak to me in a few ours. I don't know where, but I'd rather fight anywhere but here."

Suddenly, the creature chuckled at the girl's voice filled with boredom. "I was once told that you'll only know where you want to go when your somewhere you don't want to be," he replied, taking steps closer. Y/N raised a brow, thinking back to when she said that exact line before.

Y/N then faced the person completely, cocking her head. She frowned more, shaking the thought from her head as she took steps towards him. She then took back what she said about not wanting to fight by getting into a stance.

Every single hit he threw at her with a few exceptions was somehow predictable. When he would through ghost balls, when he was slide, when he would hit and kick seemed so familiar to her. And somehow he predicted most of her movements as well, as if he'd seen her fight many times. Her voice seemed to do nothing against him either, telling her that he was a dead soul.

Y/N coughed as she hit the ground a final time, blood spewing out of her mouth. She covered a large cut over her stomach as she struggled to stand up, heaving. However the creature of darkness stepped on her, pushing her back down. He then stepped off her, circling around her.

"You have gotten stronger. Unfortunately, not strong enough." Y/N coughed as she looked up at the creature of darkness.

"Do you know me? Who are you!" she yelled, whimpering a she tried to sit up. If she had P/N with her, she would probably be in a better predicament.

"It is I, Y/N," the creature spoke as he stopped by her head. "I am Bi Han, only perfected in every way. However, I am now known as Noob."

Y/N's heart drops upon hearing this. This explains so much...

She covered her face as sudden tears slipped from her eyes, whimpers following after. Bi Han simply watches as his closest friend cries, not being able to feel bad for her.

"Goddammit, Bi Han... You had so much potential but you do this? Our people are now robots and have no official leader to guide them. Your brother is in danger! Yet you destine yourself to servitude?"

"Perhaps my death affected you more than I had initially thought. You don't smile anymore, do you? No games when you speak; you simply beg." Suddenly, he roughly grabbed her arms and pulled her up forcibly, causing her to fall against him.

She hissed as she struggled to stay on her feet, blood dripping from the ends of her mouth. She shoved him away forcibly, taking a step back. "I would have said, I love you too, that day. I really wish we could have lived out our lives under different circumstances."

Tears formed in her eyes as she watched what was left of her best friend pull out a scythe. She knew she was gonna die so why would she fight back.

"You will not be gone forever, Y/N," Noob replied as he neared her. "You will be back, only forever. We will live out our lives together then."

Then suddenly, everything went black.

Goro

As some may know, Goro has 7 wives. One of them being Y/N, a princess who was forced into marriage.

It's all for good relations, right? So her family can restore the honor and security lost when their realm was conquered by Shao Kahn?

Y/N was a princess who had been raised to act submissive, caring, and quiet. Anything her husband would want, she was raised to want it to. However, in her mind, she hated her life so badly. She didn't want to wear makeup, keep her hair pretty, wear dresses, and always reply with, "yes sir," or, "yes ma'am." She didn't want to be someone else's property. She knew marrying the price would bring her life to an end.

Goro, his full name being Gongoro, is a giant man of brute strength who was able to crush a skull like it was nothing. He's a showoff who believes he's the best of the best aside from Shao Kahn. And he isn't wrong, either. His wives mean nothing to him so he distances himself from them, but allows them to use his money whenever because he knows that's why they're with him. However, as not many know, Goro can be compassionate at times, even if it's just a little.

Y/N shivered to herself as she stepped onto the marble floors of the throne room. It was required for everyone who works with Goro to know his relationships, along with each other's relationships, to ensure that no one is betraying the empire. So in front of everyone, Y/N would be asked questions about who she is, what she does, where's from, what she expects from the marriage, and many, many more.

Of course she replied with optimism. She didn't want to but her marriage with Goro had to be perfect so she can live her full life and make her family happy. But in her eyes, anyone can see how unhappy she really was. Kitana was able to see it right away; the princess approached her right after the questioning.

"I pity you, Princess of [Realm]. This truly is a fate worse than death," Kitana spoke, bowing her head. Y/N kept up a small smile, shaking her head.

"I thank you, Princess Kitana," she replied as she bowed. "However if my family and realm is protected, so be it. Perhaps my Prince shall have mercy on me for as long as I live." Our princess's heart pounded heavily although her face remained calm. She knew all about Goro and his fights; she could only pray to the gods above her that she won't make him mad. Kitana frowned, looking into the fear held in Y/N's eyes.

"I pray for your safety. Word of advice; praise him and never get close to him whenever he is angry. You showing fear will tell him that you do not love him, and being brave would insult his authority and harm his pride. Prince Goro is tricky."

These words rung through Y/N's mind every second of her life from now on. As Shang Tsung walked her to her chamber in the palace, she couldn't help but break down. A sly smirk appeared on the sorcerer as he heard the poor girl whimper and cry.

In her chambers, she let in all out. Luckily nights are longer in Outworld than in her realm since she was able to get good amounts of sleep even after spending hours of crying into her pillows. She didn't want to marry a monster! She didn't even want to be a princess; why couldn't she be like everyone else and choose her life decisions?

Every night was like this up until the day of the wedding. Every day was spent being tutored on how the Prince likes things done and what to never do. Of course, she did it all with a smile and with the feeling of regret sitting deep inside her.

When the day of the wedding came, that was it for her. She spent the night before praying to the Gods for redemption since clearly, there was something she did that caused such a terrible fate to be bestowed onto her.

The wedding was interesting, to say the least.

When she first stood in front of the Prince himself, her heart stopped. A was giant; so incredibly large compared to her. His hands were enough to crush her skull with ease. And when he looked at her, he could see the ultimate fear in her eyes. A sly smirk appeared on his face as pride filled him. Yet another wife to love him eternally, and this one wouldn't need to be told to do something twice.

She had no idea how wedding worked in Shokan tradition so Y/N just spent the day being commanded. "Put the ring on him," "be quiet," "give your speech and make it sound sincere," and things like that.

She was so scared when she delivered her speech. Her parents, family, enemies, guards, Outworld dynasty, and so many Shokan peoples were there. She gave a toast with a look of pride but in her voice, she can just hear how scared she was. And that only scared her more.

Cheers and applauses filled the room when the vows were finished. Goro gripped Y/N tiny hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. It was a display of affection made to make the wedding seem sincere but they knew down down inside that it was all pretend.

Y/N remembers the first time she ever stepped foot into his lair. She was scared, petrified even, but she tried her best to conceal it. She knew she had to if she even wanted to live another year.

That night, the two sat down at the dinner table in their formal wear still, no other wife present. The two ate in silence; Y/N barely touched her food while Goro stuffed everything down like he had no manners. In a sense, he didn't need to have any though.

And she didn't have a say in the house, she might as well simply let it be

Months went by and nothing really happened. Of course, the night of the marriage, there was something expected of royalty right after marriage in the middle of the night

It was...traumatic, truly. Knowing services like that would be her legacy...the rest of her life, her people, depended on sitting around lazily and listening to screams, then bring pained every single night

He was gigantic and she was a small girl...she was so scared of him. Goro would have a wife lay in his bed every night, and on her turns, she'd shake and remain awake the whole night. How could she sleep when her fear of him accidentally rolling his large arm on her and crushing her is in the back of her mind?

And if he did that, waking him up would be the death of her

...

One night, she was called into her prince's chambers. She gulped, remembering what day it was...it was her turn to sleep with her husband. All of his other wives had no problem sleeping with him, as they were from larger races. However she just couldn't...she had to pray to the elder gods everyday to almost ensure she wouldn't die...

She stepped into the chambers, finding her husband absent from the room. Y/N breathed heavily as she laid in the bed and waiting for her husband patiently, time going uncomfortably slow. Where was he?

After a few minutes of waiting, Y/N's beating heart was being laid to rest. But as soon as she had started to calm down, a roar emitted from the hallways, coming closer to the room.

Y/N shot up, tears immediately swelling up in her eyes. God, why is he mad?

The last time she saw him mad...dear Elder Gods, she hates to merely recall the memory taking place...she brutality one of his wives received despite not doing anything was terrible. Just terrible...

Would she be next?

"Dear Gods!" Y/N full on screamed as she felt her breathe hitch a single time. She hates knowing that she's scared! She hates knowing that in this situation or anything around here, she's always so anxious and terrified! It's like feeling her entire well being drain every single moment until there's almost nothing left.

Just knowing she was becoming scared made her more scared, and the moment Goro broke his door angrly and entered the room, Y/N snapped

Instantly, all that graciousness from earlier was gone. She couldn't hold in her manners and pride any longer! She was scared, so scared for her life.

He immediately made eye contact with her, seething so heavily. Y/N quickly covered her mouth and tears feel rapidly from her eyes and onto the bedsheets. She sat up in the giant bed, pretty much balled up and stared

Goro led out a noise from the back of his throat, approaching the bed with a look that could literally kill. Had Y/N not prepared for this before marrying him, her frail heart would've been too petrified to let her body go on.

Goro towered over her like a rabid beast...and simply stared at her tiny form freaking out

Y/N had broken down, fully into tears and crying so loudly as she buried her face into her hands. She whimpered loudly, sniffing and trying to herself to calm down but she knew she couldn't recover from this..

"Hah hah.." a low chuckle erupted from the prince. "The most attractive trait in a wife is her fear. The inability to withstand me..is quite amusing. You must hate me, do you not? Do not lie."

Her cries quieted down a tad as she heard him speak, but once he finished then she immediately got louder again. She had to lie! But he would know..

The rest of the night would follow by more demeaning, objectifying statements about her and her position as his wife. Of course it got him feeling a little specially, and so the night would get worse and worse.

Looking into a mirror and seeing so many deep cuts and red marks on her skin had made the poor girl dry out yet again...she cries every night, but never in the sights of Goro. Or anyone as a matter of fact

But...to an extent, feeling the attention wasn't a bad thing

Demeaning but if she choose to be the wife of a monster, then she deserves it, don't she?

Looking into the mirror and outlining every cut, Y/N let her last tear fall.

"I choose to prefect my people and suffer for it..Goro may do as he pleases, as this must be my punishment."

Within time, Y/N knew she was his favorite. Now rather then 3 times a month, she would sleep with him 4 times. Then 5. And then more.

What can he say, he loved seeing that true, raw emotion in his miniature wife's eyes.

Goro was breaking her down day by day, but she'll learn to love it

Reptile

Standing there in the foggy, humid air surrounding an unimaginable jungle, young Y/N witness fire, battles, burning of peoples and trees, and all else related. There were her people of the L/N clan attacking their neighbors, a hardly recognizable clan. Reptilian peoples. Those people, their world- in flames. What were they fighting for?

...

Y/N cold, icy eyes held a look of familiarity and remorse to seeing her dear childhood best friend in front of her. His arm crossed over his heart respectfully, pledging his full loyalty and all. If she remembered anything about her first battle, it was how she felt betrayed and like the world was against her. She had to fight her dearest friend. Neither could do it, no matter how much they needed to.

In the end, the two just stared at each other until Y/N simply walked away. The pressure was released since they knew it wasn't each other's fault for the fight between their people, and if either can live another day, it'd all be worth it in the end.

Or so, at the time that was the thought process.

Being broken down, tormented, taunted for centuries... It has its affect on one's mind.

Just a few hours later, a large gathering was thrown at the palace of Shang Tsung to celebrate the new mighty warriors, including Baraka, General Kotal alongside Aztec warriors, new demons and hellspawns, Scorpion... and of course, Reptile. However, the party was mostly for Shang Tsung to showcase his wealth and power, and everyone knew it but the food and drink was worth tasting even if it stroked his ego.

Y/N stood tall at a pillar in the room. She wore a sort of dress required for this kind of gathering- The dress was pretty and touched the floor almost. She wore a small underskirt to make the dress more puffy. It was eye catching to say the least, but not nearly as much as how Princess Kitana and her side kick Jade was. Scarlette and many of the other men and women wanted to show their wealth and attractiveness.

However, it all looked like this blur to a visitor. Her face shun like the sun yet as cold as ice. Yet, whenever she looked back at that visitor too, her face warmed and her chest felt heavier.

Step, step, step...

His eyes glowed more then she remembered. He was way taller than her, too; her head almost reached his shoulders. Reptile, Syzoth, stood close enough to her to feel her heat radiating off her.

"You grew quite a bit since I last saw you. I'm almost at your shoulders, hehe," Y/n giggled as she looked at Syzoth right in his cold eyes. "It's been centuries."

"My people have all been lost. I am the only one left of my kind. All that remains is few ashy, destroyed homes and statues," Syzoth replied in his raspy, reptilian voice. "I never understood why your kind did it."

"I had never touched a thing. We were destined to different paths and had no choice. I wish... I wish it never ended the way it did. I remember us talking about running away together and starting our own people; our own clan. Maybe then our people would be at peace."

"Had only we saw the world through the lens of reality," Reptile replied, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Had only, my friend."

Silence filled the space between them as everyone around them talked and laughed and gambled. The music in the background that was softly playing ranged from different genres- traditional Chinese, Edenian, and whatever else sounded right. However, it was all put to a halt whenever Shang Tsung tapped against a glass to make a loud clinking sound.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to grant a toast to our beloved emperor... Emperor Shao Kahn." The crowd raised their glasses and clapped, roared, or produced whatever sound their specie can make to show support. When the crowd died down, Shang Tsung continued.

"And to appreciate the new warriors who shall stand against Earthrealm in the name of our emperor! You shall all be the reason we will take over our greatest enemy and conquer yet another major realm. One by one, you will see the effects of your support on your lives as you are approached with fame, wealth, love, support, and most importantly, power. You shall all be respected and worshipped by those in Earthrealm after the tournament begins! And with that, thank you all!"

The crowd cheered and smiled at each other cheerfully and took their shots as they were reminded of the upcoming tournament. However, the mood changed whenever the music changed to something more slow and romantic. Alas, the couple's dance begins.

Jade and General Kotal take the floor, followed with Erron Black and a maid lady most likely, Baraka and a Tarkatan female soldier, and more.

Y/N looked away from the crowd and back and Reptile.

"I do remember the festivals of our people. You looked stunning in that flowered dress you wore during your celebrations, and the warrior clothing you wore at mine. You were such a wonderful dancer," Syzoth broke the silence. A warm smile appeared on Y/N's face.

"I still practice our danced. Do you?" Y/N questioned.

Syzoth held out his arm for her, replying with, "would you like to find out?"

The pair walked onto the dance floor once she took his arm in her's. They walked into the center and held onto each other and stayed close. Together, they danced just like how they'd used to. It wasn't very eye catching or anything, but to them, it was special.

At least, for the night.

...

Two hundred years later. That's right, two hundred years.

And absolutely nothing had happened between the two. They were put on group missions time to time but they spoke as partners who's never met prior to the mission. They worked side by side, but nothing more.

Why?

It was the first time seeing each other in centuries the day of that gathering. There was no need for aggression or hatred on that day when it was a day of memorial and celebration. Since then, things have gotten more serious to the point where there was no more time for reunions and flashbacks.

Besides, the gathering was his appreciation to Y/N. There was no more left to appreciate as only the memories of the ruined home he once lived happily in remained. Everyday was a reminder of what had happened- how he was spared by his best friend when he'd rather join his family in death. He couldn't kill himself so he has to live out each day and survive. Working with Shao Kahn was his reminder of what he's fighting more.

Vengeance cannot ever be granted as long as Y/N is alive, but he could never hurt her. If he could revive his fallen people, only then will he be satisfied.

...

Reptile was knocked out by Johnny Cage in just a single fight. After the fight between Baraka and him, there was a break.

Reptile rested on a bench somewhere in Shang Tsung's island while he tried to rid of his headache. He groaned with his reptilian voice as he heard footsteps quietly approach.

"He was a lot stronger than we anticipated. I despise seeing people such as Cage winning," Y/N's calming voice filled the silence as she sat down next to him.

Y/N grabbed his arm and squeezed it slightly, causing a questioning look from Syzoth. However, his headache disappeared immediately, and suddenly he remembered her kind could aid any pain in the blink of an eye.

"It would take about 10 of my kind to kill a single person in your clan, however due to our healing abilities, we would live. With regeneration magic, we are practically impossible to defeat."

Oh, the memories.

"Do not worry though, for Shang Tsung would get the neck of it. It is he who runs the tournament so any failure is his failure."

Syzoth remained silent as he listened in to Y/N. His entire life, he wondered why his people had to die to this very girl's. The thought just wouldn't leave his mind.

"You did a few moves I had never seen before. I knew you could use your tongue and throw spit balls, but your slide was impressive. Along with the way you throw him up in the air like that and attacked again before he could react. You're even more skilled than your father."

His father died by the hands of her mother and uncles.

"Is that so? Would you like to see more?"

"You want to spar?" Y/N questioned as Syzoth stood up and held out his hand for her to take. He pulled her up once she took it and smirked.

"I would love to."

They walked in an open area and brought up their fists. A casual sparing match. Seconds passed before Syzoth ran and slide towards Y/N, throwing a ball of acid in the air that would hit her if she tried to jump over him. Y/N reacted fast and lunged forward, barely escaping the acid or the reptile.

She rolled onto the ground and summoned a whip covered with spikes. She swung it at it and the spikes poked through his skin, before she ripped back the whip. The spikes ripped his flesh apart and he came clashing down forward.

The sparring match slowly became more and more aggressive. To the point where it became a scene that passbyers watched. Not everyone left the island after the tournament after all.

Slowly, the two started to get genuinely pissed off at each other tactics, and eventually, Y/N tackled Syzoth and summed and dagger and plunged it into the palm of his hand. She summoned another one and did the same for his other palm. He hissed and attempted to kick her off him, however she moved too fast.

She summoned one more dagger that she pieced the scales around his throat with. "Do you give up, Syzoth?" She taunted.

She was covered in blood and bruises, and clearly badly roughed up, as was Syzoth. The crowd around them watched as the reptile started to feel self councious and humiliated. He said literally nothing and stopped struggling. He simply quietly hissed at the pain in his palms. He had given up.

Y/N got up slowly and took out the daggers. Slowly, shame started to set in. What a way to greet an old friend, huh? She had a look of pity as she watched Syzoth stand ho and brush himself off before walking off.

The crowd dispersed with their small talk and comments, but she ignored them. "What have I done?" She pondered.

The next tournament began, where Lui Kang was to fight Scorpion and Quan Chi. Y/N stood and watched the fight, but couldn't help but notice Syzoth in the background. He looked hurt, and an empty feeling in her heart remained. She felt terrible.

Little ways after then, the two happened to meet up at that pond again where they "sparred." Reptile was sitting at that bench again, before sensing Y/N.

"You are just like your clan. Taking advantage of whatever you can."

"I beg you're pardon? You fought back with equal might, Syzoth."

Before Y/N even noticed him, Reptile insulted her. But Y/N was correct- it wasn't all her fault. "Do not call me by my name," Reptile hissed as be stood up.

"You are just like your clan. You blame everyone else for your own faults in order to make yourselves think you look good," Y/N spit back. She glared at the heated Reptile, who began to quickly approach her. She went to take a step back, but immediately he was in her face hissing.

"I have no clan. Your family killed them all."

Y/N felt a tear in her heart but ignored it. "That was not our doing and you know it. We left home to protect ourselves and keep our legacy alive. What my clan did is not my fault. You embarrassed yourself yesterday, bur get over it. We aren't children anymore, Syzoth."

Venom spewed in his name. "I am not Syzoth to you, traitor!"

Y/N shoved hard against him and like a bomarang, he came back. Only he pushed her as hard as he could, causing her to fall back and hit her head. She growled and went to stand up but Syzoth got on her and held her down.

He opened his mouth, venom dripping from his tongue and onto the stone. Y/N gasped silently and tried to get him off by kicking and turned, but his grip on her wrists was strong.

"I heard it could take 10 of me to kill one of you, Y/N.." he hissed as his voice became more reptilian. He picked his lips as venomous acidstarted to drip onto her clothing. She gasped ad her heart began to pound. "Let us test that now!" He hissed.

She expected him to spit up the acid all over her face and make her skin melt, or to wrap his long tongue around her, or something other than what he did!

What he did was connect their lips. He kissed her dearly and made her gasp! Was he gonna force acid down her throat?

She was waiting and waiting for it, and while waiting a few seconds ahead couldn't help but pursue. She closed her eyes tightly and deepened the kiss. I mean.. if she's gonna die, what the hell?

Also, sorry this one sucks, I for some reason can't type on my laptop because of a random word limit on posts so I'm writing on my phone lol

But it never came. Despite the reptile seeming to be in attack mode, especially after the humiliation of yesterday's fights, he didn't harm her. He held her down and kissed her.

Her heart fluttered as she drifted away into peace. Well, I suppose they did say they would marry once they were older, and that they'd always love each other.

It does seem a little cliche though, doesn't it? Like they hated each inherent one moment then suddenly love each other? Well, you can say that these were built up feelings towards each other that Syzoth was just like, "okay, idgaf anymore, it's been centuries without holding hands so Imma"

When Syzoth pulled away, his anger had disappeared. Y/N grew a small smile and said, "Hmm, I did not know you would be the one to act first rven after all these years."

He rolled his eyes and got off of her, thinking back to their childhood. Y/N held hands with him first, hugged him first, and so on. Y/N helped herself up and smiled.

"Well, I'm glad you're not mad about yesterday. I thought I had embarrassed you."

"Of course you had bur it was expected," he replied. "No matter to me now."

Y/N held his hand and from then on, no more fights, okay?

Erron Black

150 years ago, there was a shortly lived era from 1860 to 1880 where there were cowboys and gunslingers. 150 years ago, a Chinese sorcerer had encountered a gunslinger, asking for the assassination of someone in return for immortality. Of course, the gunslinger had accepted, and staying young would allow him to remain patient with everything. He has so many years to fulfill everything he needed to do, so why hurry?

With the ability to stay young for years to come, he had so many opportunities to see people, see women, assassinate, and serve. Before he knew it, 150 years had passed and here he was, working for a mythic man in a realm he never would have thought real. Erron Black, a gunslinger who had lived 3 lifespans considering he was likely to live until 60 in the 1870s. A stoic, flirtatious man who perfected his aim beyond what should be possible and lived for the moment.

How would such a man react when he's invited to a party in the islands of Shang Tsung? His first thought when he arrived would be to find liquor, of course. However, when he looks around, his eyes immediately land on the girl across the room. She has flowing H/C hair that swayed when she walked across the room, handing out drinks to people. A short, beautiful F/C dress flowed with her movements, a dragon symbol suggesting that she worked for Shang Tsung.

The room was full of people Erron had never seen before considering he'd only just decided to officially become an outlander. Before a week ago, Earthrealm and Shang Tsung was all he knew about.

The cowboy raised an eyebrow, eyeing the girl as she spoke to an unrecognizable face from across the room. He already knew he would find a way to talk to her later so he simply shrugged off his findings for now to look for something to drink.

Goro, Sheeva, Kitana, Jade, Shao Kahn, Kintaro, Baraka, Reptile, and plenty of other guests surrounded and spoke in the room at once, and many soldiers and guards drinking and laughing.

Erron made his way through the groups of people, heading towards the throne in the middle of the room towards the wall. There sat the infamous Shang Tsung who at the time had a youthful form, as this takes place before the tournament. Erron's slow and cautious steps could almost be mistaken for nervousness, even. Before the cowboy could make it to the sorcerer, someone steps in front of him, putting him to a halt.

The one who cut him off was none other than that server girl from earlier. She had a soft smile on her features as she bowed her head to the cowboy, holding a tray in her hand. "Excuse my sudden visit, sir, however I noticed you seemed worried. May I offer you a drink, directions, or perhaps a person you need to see?" Erron smirked under his mask, chuckling as he stared into her deep E/C eyes.

"Well, lil missy, what's a gorgeous lady like you servicin' for? Ya outta be out havin' yourself a good time too," he complimented, looking the girl from head to toe as he took a took a beverage from her tray. The girl breathed out a short giggle, smiling.

"Why thank you, cowboy," she replied softly as her cheeks warmed up. "However if I had done so, I wouldn't be the first lady you'd speak to. I cannot have another woman be your first dance or good time of the night," The cowboy chuckled at her reply, placing his hand on his belt and the other lifting the glass cup and taking his shot of liquor.

"Darin', aren't cha?" he stated, taking a step closer to her and setting the glass on her tray, "I like it." The two were close to begin with, but now there was only one feet between them. "May I ask for your name, darlin'?"

"My name is Shang Y/N, sir. What may I call you?" she replied, smirking to herself as she leaned in.

"They call me Erron Black, milady. But you?" Erron leaned in closer, his hand pushing back a few strands of the girl's hair from her face. Y/N moved the tray in her hand to the side to allow Erron to get closer. "Call me what you want as long as I belong to you for the night."

Y/N's face heated and this warm feeling in her chest grew. She giggled to herself, feeling like a school girl whose crushing hard on the mysterious new guy, placing her hand on top of his. "You have a way with words, Black. But surely you didn't just come here to flirt with me, did you?" She teased. "There must be something you need. Please, name your need and I will provide."

Erron cocked his head at the change of topic, but then noticed a pair of eyes staring at Y/N from Shang Tsung. He knew that meant he had to step away from her and get serious, so he did. "Eh, the fanciest liquor you got will do; don't matter what it is." And with a bow, Y/N headed off to ask a few more people what they need.

Erron watched as she walked away swiftly before turning back to Shang Tsung and approaching him. The sorcerer smirked, greeting him and asking him how things were.

Minutes passed before Shang Tsung had been requested elsewhere and had to leave their conversation, leaving Erron to wait for his drink to arrive. He was a patient man but boredom hit him quickly.

E/C eyes and H/C hair, and a soft voice that was elegant. That reminded him of his first encounter with an Outworlder, whenever he was only nine. He remembers waking up in the middle of the night because a bright light illuminated his room. He tiredly walked over to his window, peering out and freezing in fear when he saw what it was. A portal. Quickly, he rushed outside through the front door of his home but by the time he managed to get outside, the portal was gone. And when he tried to go back inside, he went face to face with his father who he had woken up on accident.

Erron once was asked if he had shot his father, to which he responded that the son of a bitch had it coming. Another time, he mentioned that his mother would have loved someone, and later said that he hated her. With this in mind, you can imagine how upset his parents would get when Erron would claim to see things at night and rush out the door to get a better look, his footsteps waking up his parents.

---------------------------------------------------

Until one night. Always, the portal would come up at a certain time and Erron was prepared for it. When he saw a portal open, he busted open his window and jumped out. He ignored the glass shards on the ground and darted for the portal.

The bright light lit up three men that had walked through the portal. As soon as they were fully on Earth, the portal dispersed. Erron slowed down his running, observing the three men. A man who was white as paint and bald, a man with his hair down but some of it in a small bun, and a man with fire in his eyes.

Erron watched, mouth agape, and slowly crept forward. He was practically right in front of them, but he stayed to the side to not get caught. Two talked in a serious matter, the one with fire was silent.

It's strange. He knew now that it was Quan Chi, Shang Tsung, and Scorpion he saw that night. He knows they noticed he was there, but ignored him since he was just a kid. His parents were furious though, causing Erron to chuckle.

He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, tipping his hat and closed his eyes. "Yeah, those ol' bastards got what they deserved."

"...I beg your pardon?"

He opened his eyes, seeing the beautiful Y/N before him. In her tray, she held a unique glass filled with red liquid. The glass was shaped like a dragon and was crystallized.

"Ah, sorry ma'am. Say, whatever would that be?" He asked, referring to the glass bottle. Y/N smirked as she grabbed the glass and handed to Erron.

"This is your fanciest liquor, Black. It's an royal delicacy. Only those such as the emperor, my father, and those working under the throne will ever have the chance to consume it."

Erron hummed before taking a sip. Immediately, he felt strength coursing throw his veins, as if he just drank an energy drink. He furrowed his eyeborrows, taken aback by the taste.

"Sweet Jesus," he muttered. Y/N giggled, smiling warmly as his face. "This is the best thing I ever did taste! I want one once a night," Erron smirked, licking his lips. He held out the drink for Y/N, offering her a sip.

"Oh! Well, I should not..." she loomed around her, making sure no one watched as she took the glass and quickly took a sip of it. Her smile grew on her face as she felt the magic flow through her.

"Yeah, but 'cha did, as you deserve little lady," he leaned forward, brining his face closer to her's. She giggled, leaning closer to him as well.

"Well, I would not mind sharing a glass with you, gunslinger," her face heated up again, and she moved her tray to the side.

"Why don't you share a bed with me later tonight too then, hmm?" He asked, nearly breaking the space between them. Y/N was never one for sex or going out and partying like how her father is, but she was really liking this gunslinger!

"Y/N, dear," another voice called out. Y/N looked over at the man walking towards them; her father. Her heart dropped and she changed into a more professional stance. "You have been asked for by General Kotal. Don't slack, please, dear."

"Yes father, my apologies," she quickly bowed before rushing off. There left Shang Tsung and the gunslinger.

“She’s your girl, huh?” The gunslinger asked, putting his hands on his hips near his gun holsters. “She’s quiet the gal, boss.”

Shang Tsing smiled, nodded his head and replying, “She appears as quick-witted and sweet as her beloved mother, yet is as cold and hateful as I. She truly is a blessing yet a curse to all she opposes.”

And damn, was that right. Erron never really had a chance to speak to her again that night, and he soon forgot about it. He was gonna live for a long, long time, so what’s wrong with chasing a little tail? A blessing to married mortals is death, so they manage to last until death instead of maybe 80 years then onto the next person. Give it maybe 30 years later before they meet again- sex, booze, long nights, fights, parties, money- he had all he could ask for. But serving Kotal Kahn and beating people’s broke asses all day would get sort of boring, along with the same kind of but different chick every night to wake up to.

Erron did his regular patrol through the market place on the east side of Outworld. He hated it most- poor sons of bitches and whores always grabbing his boots, begging for a spare dime. Erron glared at those peasants, ignored them or hurting them if they wouldn’t get the message. He was an unforgiving asshole.

But FUCK, if you’re reading this, you love unforgiving assholes too.

He sighed as he heard the start of another fight- someone probably tried to steal a fruit or something.

Erron made his way over, walking his intimidating walk as he pulled his pistol out of the holster, shooting it towards the sky. “Settle down, ya filthy animals.”

A man in regular peasant clothes angrily looked at the gunslinger, pointing a finger at the women across from him. She was shorter, a long black dress with long sleeves and black veil on. She didn’t look rich, but she certainly wasn’t poor. Perfect. Erron was worried he forgot too many coins at home to get that one drink at the bar. Maybe the women would have a few coins to spare in exchange for her life?

The peasant man yelled, “this treacherous snake! She used black arts in the sacred walls of Kotal Kohn! She’s a slave of Shinnok!”

The woman glared at the man as if he was a mere inconvenience, rather than an actual problem. Her eyes held such spark and cold, false personality in them, in almost made him think of that girl long ago. She cried out, “lies! Please, gunslinger, you must believe me!”

She played her part so well. She was a fearful, harmless women who had wronged by this lying peasant. So everyone thought, anyways. She slapped her hands together and cried out, “please!”

Erron looked her up and down, smirking under his mask. “Is that so ma’am? Well I ain’t a damn reason to trust neither of ya. But accusing her of dark arts from the likes for Shinnok is a harsh statement to make and I doubt you want to suffer the pain that comes with being caught lying from that. Unless you wanna stick to your word, partner.” Erron took steps closer to the man, who dwindled in uncertainty and anxiety. “Am I right?”

“Sir, please, I saw it myself!” The man cried out as the woman fearfully stepped away from the two. “Her face, it- it changed! Like she morphed! As if Shang Tsung himself was-“

“Hol’ it.” Erron looked at the woman and glared. Those eyes, although all that was visible due to the black mask covering her nose and mouth, were an unforgettable sight. The woman sniffed, holding her arms close.

She knew he knew. The gunslinger she met that night was unforgettable to her, and she knew who he worked for. One of her father’s old “toys.” But perhaps he didn’t know exactly who she was.

“Ma’am, step o’er here with me for a moment.” The woman nodded and followed him away from the market and somewhere a minute or so away, in this larger building nearby. Torn and abandoned building with no one but homeless fools within it.

When they arrived, he turned to her and said, “Back to the wall. No funny business.”

The woman suddenly differed from the way she acted before- she was no longer scared or anxious. Just cold and hateful. It’s like the air around them had gone from one thing to suddenly dangerous. She blankly looked at the gunslinger, replying, “no. I do not think I will.” Erron glared, grabbing onto his pistol but before he pulled it out, the woman raised her hand.

“Long time, no see, Shang. Still as cocky and pitiful as ever, huh?” He glared at the woman, ready as ever to put a bullet between her eyes. Or his.

“It has been a while, indeed. As much as a brainwashed slave to the leaders as always, I see.” She only had to hold her hand out to seem threatening although nothing would happen. No spell was being conjured but a simple cowboy would never understand that.

“I work for myself, and always have. I never gave a damn about ye, unlike those mindless things ye call servants.”

“Hehe,” a sweet giggle left the woman’s mouth, making Erron question if it was Shang or someone who is going along with the idea that she’s him. It’d be sort of weird if the all powerful and feared sorcerer made a cute little giggle, wouldn’t it?

“I thought you were speaking of me, not my father. I know you had feelings for me, gunslinger.”

It all came together just like that. Unless this was a simple trick by the warlock too. “Okay, enough talk. For me, at least. Back against the fuckin’ wall, or have your guts spilled across it. Ye know ya have no way of escaping this.”

“Hehehe, well Erron, I am not my father. I have done non wrong at all. Should you Khan execute an innocent woman, imagine the uprising he will receive as a result. Not only that, but for if you don’t fear that, just know I won’t be going down alone.” She raised her hand to her veil, lifting it up- the sudden movement making the gunslinger pull out his gun and press the trigger within lightning speed, though never shooting. She lifted the veil off and pulled down the mask, revealing the face of the daughter of Shang. Beautiful face shape, beautiful lips, beautiful eyes, and an unmistaken smirk.

“Knock me out if you wish, but I assure you, I am Y/N. Ferra and Torr will not have met me. Neither your Kahn. And if you truly do serve none other than yourself, then you should have no reason to not let me go.” Erron studied her features, keeping his pistol steady in place. “Besides, you know I can make make you a mystery.”

A few silent seconds passed before Erron sighed, putting his gun away. Y/N smiled sweetly, as if the intense talk-off had never taken place. He chuckled, taking a few steps towards the woman, “yeah, you are a sweet and soft gal on the outside, aren’t cha? Don’t think I didn’t kill you because of your threats though. You know how disgusting the prisons here are, and such a gorgeous gal like yourself deserves better than that.”

“What are you insinuating?” She asked kindly, her unnerving smile never ending. She looked up at the tall cowboy, you were less than a foot away from her now.

“Well, howsbout we make a deal? I keep quiet about you, and let you roam to do whatever you please. But, I get to see you once or twice a week.” He pulled down his mask and smirked.

“And what do you see us doing?” She asked, putting her arms behind her back and feeling her face get flushed.

“Oh nothing. Maybe tour yer daddy’s island. That place was badass last time I went.” Y/N giggled, nodding and holding out her hand.

“Deal.”

262 notes · View notes

turnpage · 3 years

Text

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜  ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness. ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives? ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control. ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly. ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope — It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together. ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase. ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord. ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you. ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory. ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are. ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences. ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise. ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table? ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place? ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death? ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable. ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you. ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner. ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away. ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

#sentence starters #generate sentence prompts #rp meme #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #prompt for writing #rp prompt #send emoji meme #long tw

3K notes · View notes

raineydays411 · 4 years

Text

Ember

Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader

Warning: Child neglect, swearing, angst, death

Summary: After being kidnapped by Hydra, Y/N does some reflecting on her home life. Especially her relationship with her father

italics = past pov

Bold= thoughts

Italic bold= ghosts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You never thought your life would end like this. Alone, trapped in a Hydra cell, full of anger and resentment for the one man who was never supposed to break your heart. Of course, up until now you had been pretty optimistic your father would realize the error of his ways and miraculously spend years making up for years of missed recitals, ignored achievements, and multiple other offenses. You always forgave him because, hey the man was a member of the Avengers, what should you expect having Tony Stark as a father?

But right now, as you lay on the cold, damp floor, writhing in pain from whatever glowey nuclear shit those assholes injected you with, you can’t help but remember the mistreatment and neglect bestowed upon you by your father.

It was, it was September Winds blow, dead leaves fall

You’ll always remember that September day. The day your entire life had changed

You were only eight when Loki tried to take over New York. You and your mom were coming home from the store when all of a sudden, people around you started to panic. Looking up, you saw a large portal in a once clear blue sky. Creatures appeared out of no where, destroying anything in their way. Your mother, terrified, took you by the hand and headed for a near by building. But, it seemed that others had that idea as well. Before you knew it, your vision was overwhelmed by the bodies of citizens trying to escape the chaos outside. After a few seconds, you found yourself in a crowed parking garage and no idea where your mother was.

You never saw her again after that.

After three days of searching, the police declared her dead and you were sent to live with your godmother, Pamela Isely.

She was good to you. She held you through nightmares, told you stories about how your mother and her met, and even taught you how to take care of plants. The only complaint you had was that she would usually leave you alone every once in a while and come back with a lot of money, and occasionally, a loud blonde woman in a clown costume would come through the window and pinch your cheeks too hard. Other than that, you got adjusted to your new life quickly.

Four months passed and your life changed again. It was a cold September day, and you had just got home from school. As you walked into the apartment, you immediately felt a tension in the air, and you saw a man at the table with your Aunty Pam, who looked extremely uneasy and pale. They stared at you until your Aunt spoke.

“Y/N...you’re going back to New York.”

Those words alone made the floor fall from underneath you. You had just settled down. You finally felt comfortable without your mother in the world and now this?? Then the man cleared his throat, causing you to snap back into reality.

“Y/n, my name is Tony Stark”

You knew that name, he was the man in the metal suit who helped save New York. You didn’t care at the moment though, you just wanted to know why you were leaving your aunt.

Ignoring Tony, you looked at your aunt and whispered,

“ Did...did I do something wrong?”

Immediately, Pams eyes filled with tears as she quickly gathered you in her arms and responded with a loud,

“Oh no, darling of course not”, She then proceeded to tell you the uncomfortable looking man at the table was in fact your father, who up till now you had never met. In fact, you never even fathomed the idea of having a father as your mom had always told you that you were a gift from some fairies she helped. You turned to the man who quietly sat at the table and looked over the man who was said to be your father.

He was definitely a handsome man. He wore a fancy looking suit and some tinted glasses even though he was inside. His hair was dark brown and messy, as if he was tugging or running his fingers through it. His skin looked to be am olive color but it was hard to tell as he looked kind of pale in the light of the small apartment you called home. You thought it was odd he hadn’t said anything other than introducing himself.

“ Is it true? Are you really my dad?” You asked in a quiet voice.

He finally spoke, “Yeah kid, I’m your dad”

To you, I did surrender

Two weeks, you didn’t call

It’s been two weeks since you were taken by Hydra. Two weeks since you were injected with that mystery substance. You didn’t die, at least you don’t think you did. But you didn’t exactly feel alive either. You were colder than usual, like your body temperature lowered. You slept longer than normal especially the first three days after you were injected. The guards had to wake you up just to get you to eat. But the most worrying symptom of all is that your eyes were the same shade of neon blue as the liquid that was injected into your body. And everytime your eyes turned blue, something weird would happen.

For example, the first time you noticed your eyes were blue, you woke up from the first long sleep.The second time, you thought you heard voices, screaming in agony and despair.This was odd because you were the only one in that cell block. As you came back to reality, you realized that you could see other ghostly figures in the once empty cells, and that you were floating three feet above your bed.

Within the two weeks you were in that cell, you learned that that day you were injected, your heart did stop for an hour until you miraculously sprung back to life with a loud gasp, scaring the absolute shit out of the Hydra guards that were tasked with disposing your body. That would go through physical changes as well. Your once brown skin would change to a pale ghostly blue. And your black kinky hair would change to a shocking neon blue to match the color of your eyes.

For two weeks, you learned the ins and outs of your newfound powers. Two weeks of being pushed to your absolute limits by power hungry scientists. Two weeks of learning the names of the dead around you in those cells.

It took two weeks, to realize that your father truly didn’t care about you.

And looking back on it, you should’ve known

Your life, goes on without me My life, a losing game

It had been a year since you had moved into the Avengers Tower with your father. It had taken you a while to warm up to the team and for the team to get used to having a child around. But once you all got to know each other, it was like having multiple aunts and uncles. Especially because you were around them more than your own father.

Unfortunately, once you had settled in and gotten to know everyone, Tony had locked himself away in his lab. Tinkering on a new project for weeks on end, ignoring his responsibilities as a new father.

Now, this didn’t really affect you till you started school. Tony had forgotten to pick you up multiple times, causing you to wait for hours on end till either Steve or Pepper realized that you hadn’t come home and rushed to the school , only to see you waiting on the front steps talking the ear off of the unlucky teacher who had to stay behind to wait with you.

Of course word got around that Y/N Stark was being forgotten at school everyday, thus prompting the kids at school to taunt you everyday after school.

“Where's your daddy Y/N??”

“I bet he leaves you here so you can get kidnapped so he doesn’t have to look at you”

“Your own dad doesn’t even love you”

Once you got to middle school, you joined as many after school clubs to hide the fact that there was no one to pick you up. And a small part hoped that it would be enough to gain your fathers attention. But it didn’t happen.

“Daddy! I made the volleyball team!”

“hmm, oh that's great kid, can you pass me that wrench”

“Dad! I’m in the robotics club”

“Y/N I’m really busy right now”

“ Hey dad...can you help me with--”

“Not now, go ask Pepper”

No matter what you did, you could never get his attention long enough. Nothing you did was good enough. You never got so much as a “welcome home” or a “ have a good day at school kiddo”. And you were fine with that. You were, because you knew that even though he didn’t show it, Tony Stark really did love you.

But you should, you should not doubt me You will remember my name.

After learning the extent of your powers, which included; flying,the ability to talk and see the dead, energy blasts, floating through walls, and the ability to shut off your powers at will. You decided it was time for you to make plans to escape.

You’d like to think that you were really good at pretending.

You did it on a daily basis, really. You pretended to be happy, not to notice Tony’s neglect, like you didn’t see the pity glances the rest of the team gave you. So convincing your captors that they finally broke you down wasn’t really a challenge.

“....fine..i’ll help you” You said in a tired weak voice.

The two guards were startled at first, not expecting you to speak so suddenly

“You..what?” The younger of the two asked in a suspicious tone.

“I said I want to help you” you repeated a little louder.

The first guard looked to the second, obviously confused at your sudden change of heart. They had a silent conversation with their eyes, as if debating on whether this was a trick or not. Finally, the older of the two turned to you and said,

“This better not be a trick, Stark.”

And with that, he started to unlock the door to your cell.

“Okay, now I can either fight them now and make a break for it, or I can wait till i get to the--”

Your thoughts were cut off by a loud wailing, piecing your ears and automatically giving you a headache. Wincing in pain you look around the empty cell blocks and try to locate the spirit that’s making all that noise. When you see it, your heart breaks. It’s a young boy, around your age. The first thing you notice about him is that he had white hair, kinda Danny Phantom. As you continued to stare at the boy, his head suddenly turned and you both made eye contact, the movement startling you enough to make you jerk in the hold of the guards

“ HEY, eyes forward!” shouted the older guard. “There's no way out, if that's what you're looking for’ He said in a smug tone.

“I said I wanted to join you, why would I want to escape?” You reply, irritation dripping from your words.

“Just don’t pull any tricks kid.”

God does he have any other lines, you think to yourself mentally rolling your eyes. Sounds familiar.

Oh Ember, you will remember

Oh Ember, one thing remains

“Y/N I’m busy, go as--” “I know, go ask Pepper”

“Oh kid, I’m sorry I forgot” “ yeah, I know”

“You’re on the volleyball team” “ yes dad. For four years now”

“Y/N! I’m gonna be in the lab with Peter so try not to bother us.”

“Y/N me and Peter--”

“Good job, Peter”

“Hey Peter--”

God were you tired of that name. You never ever felt the feeling of envy and anger as much as you did when Peter came into your life.

In fact, you were still healing from almost losing your family you found in the Avengers. Your dad didn’t want you around the “traitors” as he privately called them, so you were secluded. Watching them from afar and yearning for the comfort of hearing Steves pre-war stories, helping Clint pull off the most ridiculous pranks, helping Wanda teach Vision how to cook, and most of all you missed talking to Natasha. She reminded you of your aunt Pam, mainly because they both had red hair. You hoped that your father would understand this loss and step up now that you really needed a connection, but no. He decided that Peter Parker deserved all his attention. So you stopped trying as hard.

Oh Ember, So warm and tender You will remember my name

You walk into a room with a singular table and no windows. Sat at the table was a bald man writing in a notebook. The two guards lead you to the table and make you sit opposite of the bald man. He looks up at you and smiles.

“So, Ms. Stark has finally decided to comply?” He asks in a smug tone. You roll your eyes and answer back in a sarcastic tone,

“Yeah yeah, just cut the crap and tell me what you want me to do.”

The bald man just smiles and looks at you, as if trying to read your mind to figure out your motives.

“Well”, he says, leaning back into his chair. “Lets get down to business.” He then proceeds to talk about the process of join his team and what you will be doing. But you don’t hear a word of it. Because you were going to escape this hell hole one way or another.

“Well then, lets get you changed.” said the bald man. “Yeager, Jennings, take our guest to to her new room.

“Huh so they do have names.” You think, as they pull you out of the chair and into the hallway. Walking back into the cell block, you make eye contact with that white haired boy again. He’s quiet as he watches you walk back to your room, then he disappears.

You finally get back to your cell and notice a pair of black spandex, black halter top, grey boots and some black gloves on the floor. Changing into them, you take your hair into a pineapple with a hair tie they had given you. Looking into the piece of metal you used as a mirror, you changed into your ghost form. Suddenly, you hear a male voice behind you.

“Don’t let them know you can do that.”

You startle and turn around, only to see none other than the white haired boy. He looked equally as startled as he realized you can see and hear him.

“Why not?” you asked, changing back to your normal self.

“Because, they won’t ever let you leave.You’re already the first one to survive the injection. If they realize you can go ghost, they’ll do everything in their power to control you.”

Your mind flashed to Bucky. How Steve told you that they kept him. Brainwashing him over and over till he just became a weapon. You were not going to let them do that to you. You looked back at the boy.

“Can you help me get out of here?” you asked hopefully. The boy looked at you and said,

“Well I’ve got nothing else to do.” You let go a sigh of relief. You were about to say something when you heard Yeager and Jennings walking down the hallway.

“They’re coming” You whisper, “ what do I do?”

“This base is small. All the people here are the only ones who know about it. They’re all going to be in the training room you’re being taken to. Wait till you get there, phase into the floor to the basement and blow up the heater. That should cause the whole building to cave in”

You again don’t get to respond, as the two men finally get to your cell and unlock it. You walk out of the cell, head held high and allow them to lead you to the training room. Despite the look of confidence, you were dreading the next few moments.

“So how come I’m the only one here?” you ask, even though you know the answer. The older guard looks at you and says

“You’re the only one who survived.” You fake a look of shock and look forward as if the news made you uneasy. And it did. It made you mad that these people didn’t care that they were murdering innocent people. They couldn’t hear the cries and the wails of agony these poor trapped souls emitted. In a way, it was ironic. Back at the tower, you were the poor soul nobody could see. And now you were surrounded by them.

Your heart, your heart is rendered Your loss, now bear the shame

This was the last straw. There was only so much you an take before you broke and this was it.

Tony didn’t intend for you to hear it, but god did it hurt all the same. One phrase shattered your whole world.

“You know Spiderling, your kinda like the kid I always wanted to have.”

An tense silence filled the common room. The first time in months you were able to see th eteam and they had to bear witness to this. Of course they did, who else would give you that stare full of sorrow and pity. You barely even noticed though. You were too busy looking at the “heartwarming scene.”

“that's such bullshit” Oh, how you wish you had a camera if only to capture the look of pure “oh shit” painted on Steve's face.

“What..what was that kid?” Asks your father. You turn to him, a fury in your eyes that nobody has ever seen.

“THAT IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT.” You scream. “ FOR EIGHT YEARS I HAVE TRIED SO HARD FOR YOU TO LOVE ME. EIGHT YEARS I JOINED CLUBS, GOT THE HIGHEST GRADED IN CLASS AND FOR WHAT?”

Tony and Peter look at you in shock “Y/n..wha..what are you talking about?” Peter asks in a baffled voice.

“Oh eat shit Peter! You know exactly what I’m talking about! Do you not find it weird, that your new mentor spends every single second of free time he has on you and not with his daughter?? Or are you so needy for some sort of parental validation that you don’t even care??”

Deep down you know it’s not Peters fault. Hell, you two probably could have been good friends if your dad wasn’t such a tool.

“Hey kid, I don’t know what's gotten into you, but that was way over the line.” Said Tony in a stern voice. Your eyes harden.

“Oh, did I hurt your poor little spiders feelings?? I didn’t even know you cared about other peoples feelings Tony? Or is it just your daughters that you ignore ?”

“What are you talking about? I don’t ignore you, stop being so over dramatic.”

OVERDRAMATIC?? DO YOU REALIZE THE ONLY THING YOU KNOW ABOUT ME IS MY NAME??” You are now sobbing. “ Do you even know my favorite color? How old I am?”

Tony looks at you, eyes wide.”Y/N...” You cut him off

“Just forget it. I understand now. I will never be important to you. Not like Peter apparently is. I just wish it didn't take me eight years to figure that out.” And with that, you run out of the room, tears running down your cheeks and ignoring the calls of your father, the team, and Peter.

You run for a few blocks and cry in an alleyway. not the smartest idea but you were too upset to care. And as you cry, you don’t notice the dark shadow behind you before its too late and the world goes dark.

Like dead trees, in cold december Nothing but ashes remain

The hydra base was now engulfed with flames. Your body was tired from phasing through the walls, and your head hurts from those energy blasts. But one thing brings some happiness in your heart as you watch all the souls that were trapped there realize they are free. All but one, the white haired kid. He walks up to you.

“So you did it.” He says with a smile. You smile back.

“Yeah I did. Thanks to you.”

“Blue suits you.” he says with a blush. You squint at him for a second and let out a chuckle.

“Thanks” ,You’re both silent for a few seconds, watching the souls leave. You speak up again.

“Why aren’t you leaving like them” You question him.

“I don’t know, I guess my time here isn’t up.” he says looking out at the horizon. You nod and look at around trying to figure out where you are.

“So, what are you going to do next” he asks. Your body stiffens as you are filled with resentment.

“I’m going to visit my father.” You say, eyes glowing a neon blue.

You will remember my name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: HI!so this is my first ever fanfic! i hope anyone who reads this enjoys it!! Let me know what you think and what i can improve on!💕

#tony stark x daughter!reader #danny phantom #fanfic #marvel #marvel x reader #reader insert #tony stark #tony stark imagine #peter parker x stark!reader #the avengers #poc reader #avengers x teen!reader #x reader #danny phantom x reader #steve rogers x reader #crossover #poison #poison ivy

2K notes · View notes

thewoodbine · 3 years

Note

What has been your experience, if any, with new age spirituality. And what is your opinion on it? Do you think it has a strong leg to stand on?

I talked about it in my last ask/answer a little bit actually! But New Age Spiritualism is such a broad category and concept I'm going to try break it down a little bit.

The Good:

By introducing concepts like meditation, mindfulness, and compassion- it has improved the lives of many people in a way traditional religion was just unable to do.

It's overall shifted our culture for the better and opened the door for discussions we would have never been able to previously have without being labeled heretical or crazy.

Largely is responsible for Wicca and the rise of witchcraft in general. Were it not for Wicca being invented during the first rise of the hippie and New Age movement ( drawing heavily from their influence), many of us would have never had the resources now to get into other forms of witchcraft. Including myself probably.

The Meh: It's become an aesthetic to be purchased in stores by people who do not even begin to actually bother with its true teachings or get into the real work of it. Same with a lot of Witchcraft, likely due to its rebirth through the New Age Movement. Those people who tell you "you can use any ingredient for this spell at any time for any reason without any experience and it will work" those are people deeply skewed by New Age Fluffy Bunny ideals. The "witchcraft is entirely positive and nothing bad can or will ever happen it is easy and happy and totally good in every way" yeah that's them too. They're not really damaging, but its not where you are going to grow and learn the most. I have no beef with them, (they definitely have beef with me) but it's just not for me.

Wicca is almost certainly a New Age religion and it's really neither here nor there for me. It has some good and bad aspects of that, but as a whole I just kind of ignore it. It helps guide and improve the lives of a lot of people, while also being problematic for others. Unfortunately though, its founders helped to plant a lot of bad roots in the pagan community that we still grapple with and are listed below.

The Bad: (I will be referring to practitioners of this as 'Crystal Lickers'. A term my mentor taught me that refers to people who buy a ton of crystals or spiritual objects and that's about where their willingness to put effort into spirituality begin and end.)

It's been boiled down. Like in my last story, it has been adopted by people who barely grasp the concepts at all but wave them like a banner. The new age lady I mentioned last time smuged, read tarot, did yoga, got frequent reiki sessions, tried to commune with spirits, and read energies and auras and presented herself as a guru - all on a 2 month retreat in India. Many of the things she practiced require years of training and experience to really truly grasp and embrace and the New Age movement encourages people to pick them up like fun little spirit candy.

It's appropriative. Cultural appropriation is a complex subject and I won't go into it here. But essentially- if you want to do yoga, read pendulums, and hang a dream catcher in your room all at the same time that's totally fine. Just understand you didn't invent yoga, pendulums take time and practice to master, and buy that dream catcher directly from the tribal people to which made them originally. (and some might refuse you depending on their beliefs about dream catchers must be gifted to work- and you have to be ok with that too). Some stuff you can use, some you can admire from afar, and some you just leave alone. New Age doesn't get that.

It's commercialized. Much like witchcraft is becoming, spirituality has become a commodified thing for the rich to buy. And the flip side of that it has been labeled as a fad thing for rich white people, which has discouraged in some cases, minorities from engaging in the actually beneficial and totally free aspects of it. It's the idea that if you buy enough evil eyes, tote bags, and crystals and suddenly you are the real deal. These are Crystal Lickers

It doesn't demand change or work. One of the biggest things that draw people to New Age Spirituality in its many forms is the opportunity to improve their life and become happy worry-free beings of light. But what that often becomes is "How To Manifest Wealth and Romance" and looking to others with a sense of righteous pity and dispensing your unsolicited wisdom now that you have ascended thanks to that podcast you listened to once. Most of the spiritual people I know, have never actually challenged themself through their practice. They're not actually looking in the mirror and going 'how am I maybe the bad guy' 'how do I hurt people' 'what do I need to let go of for OTHER' people. True spirituality will demand you to put others first and remove yourself from ego, watered-down versions say to love yourself exactly as you are and just let those bad vibes go.

It can be toxic positivity. The best example of this I could imagine is my old coffee shop. We had this big mantra painted above the door about love and acceptance. The crystal licker owner was very adamant that this was a place of healing and growth for people to come and be their vulnerable authentic selves. She also once asked a queer kid talking about their traumatic experience with their parents with their friends in a corner to leave because 'their energies were not conducive to the space' .

It can target the vulnerable: In the great case of my most prominent Crystal Licker she actively sought out struggling and vulnerable people to present herself and her divine guidance as the answers to their woes. Talking them into doing things for her for free and taking advantage of people until they became totally dependant on her to feed her ego. This is not uncommon in the slightest among the New Age community. Basically New Age Spirituality at its worst boils down to this: Love yourself and all creatures in perfect unity, encouraging the growth and aspirations of ones authentic self through healing and community. As long as it's my healing, and you're not too annoying about it or call anyone out. There's also a bunch of stuff you have to buy in order to do it. I don't know where any of these objects or traditions come from or why you should do them but I saw it online once. Tl;dr: If your spiritual journey is easy and exclusively positive the entire time, you probably haven't even started yet.

#new age #spirituality #witchcraft #wicca #paganism #pagans of tumblr #witchy #baby witch #witch ask #tarot #love and light #fluffy bunny

162 notes · View notes

tessiete · 3 years

Note

Tess! I only just saw! If you're still taking prompts I'd love some good old Obi-Wan and Korkie (predictable much? Nah) and 12! Oh I can't tell you how happy it made me to see your writing first thing when I opened tumblr! 🥰❤️ Sending much love and a hug!

ALRIGHT I AM HERE I DID IT!!! Please forgive me @lightasthesun - I've been in a bit of a writing rut lately, so I apologise for leaving these unfilled, and I apologise for the quality of this, but THANK YOU for giving me something to help get me through this dry spell. I love my boys, and hopefully you'll get some enjoyment out of this, maybe!

Number 12 was the song "Onward & Upward" by Tommee Profitt!

LOVE AND THANKS!

WHO WOULD LIFT THE SWORD, AND LAY DOWN HIS LIFE FOR ME?

Jaon Almec died because he was one of those horrible little creatures that likes to speak, yet says nothing at all. He was petty. He was boring. He was pointless.

But there was one thing he did say, now that Maul thinks back on it. One thing that struck him as very curious. One thing that may yet satisfy the horrible, hungry pangs of hatred in his gut. So he asks Gar Saxon to bring him the last prisoner of Sundari. --

He has received a summons like this before, but never one sent through his personal com. For a moment he stares at the message, confused. Then, his confusion turns to horror and dread, and all coherent thought slips away. He feels his fingers slick with blood that never fell, his arms are heavy with a burden he does not hold. His lungs clench, and he blinks back the stinging salt of sweat or tears or both, until Anakin grabs him by the shoulders, and pushes him back against the wall.

“Hey, hey,” he says. “Are you sick? Master, what’s going on?”

“I’m not,” he says, his voice so faint he might have said nothing at all.

Anakin doesn’t listen anyway, laying the flat of his hand over Obi-Wan’s brow and feeling for a fever. There isn’t one. There couldn’t be. Obi-Wan feels frozen all over.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Anakin -” He rolls the comlink in his palm, and raises to, wanting to hear - needing to hear - again.

Anakin catches sight, and plucks it from his hand.

“Did a new order come through?” Without hesitation, he plays back the previous message. The words make no more sense this time than the last, but Obi-Wan doesn’t need to understand them to decipher the expression that spreads over Anakin’s face. His cheeks go pale, then flush red. His lips thin, and he lowers his brows so that they shadow his eyes in anger. “Maul,” he growls. “What does he want now?”

“Left your heart in Mandalore, did you?” Maul purrs. Anakin’s mechnohand tenses around Obi-Wan’s bicep tight enough to hurt, but he doesn’t wince. It’s grounding - the pain. It helps.

Light flickers in Anakin’s hand as a holo stutters into view to accompany Maul’s greeting. It shows the gloomy amphitheater of Sundari’s Great Hall, mottled with a few sickly rays of sun. Satine’s throne rises out of the shadows, and on it is sat a boy that Obi-Wan has never seen.

But Anakin has. His outrage is replaced with surprise, and confusion.

“Korkie?”

“I don’t - I don’t know who that is.”

Anakin shakes his head. “It’s Satine’s nephew. The duchess, I mean. He - he helped Ahsoka while she was stationed there for a few days a couple years ago, but I…Honestly, I haven’t thought of him since. Kriff.”

“Her nephew?”

Anakin turns his eyes from the hologram to meet Obi-Wan’s. The shadow is gone, the ghostly boy on the throne casting light into the darkness that was there. Obi-Wan can nearly see himself reflected in that gaze.

“You didn’t know?”

“Why should I?”

He can’t say whether it is compassion or pity which teaches Anakin discretion, but for whatever reason, his padawan doesn’t push. He only switches off the message and stands, hauling Obi-Wan upright beside him.

“Whoever he is, this has got to go to the Council. You’re in no fit state to - anyway, it’s not your problem, anymore. You’ve done enough.”

Obi-Wan disagrees.

“I owe her as much,” he says, reclaiming the comlink from Anakin’s grasp, and pulling away. “He’s her nephew.”

“Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan, wait!” Anakin tugs at his elbow, forcing him to slow, but only for a moment. Evidently, he can tell when he looks at him, by the stiffness of his spine, and the icy resolve in his gaze: there’s no stopping him. So Anakin relents. “I’m coming with you.”

Somehow, Obi-Wan convinces Anakin to be cautious - or perhaps his own wild recklessness scares Anakin into caution where every lecture has failed. Either way, it is decided between them that Anakin will stay with the ship (“Stay out of sight”) - stay away - while Obi-Wan confronts Maul.

“It is simple,” he explains. “It is always simple. It is always about him, and me.”

Anakin suggests they go in through the servant’s passages. They are hidden, and secret. Surely Obi-Wan remembers them, or else the Force will guide them. He says that they ought to take Maul by surprise, or better yet, steal the hostage out from underneath him.

Obi-Wan won’t have it. “I don’t want you there,” he says. “It is only me he wants. It is only me he shall have. I will speak to him.”

This is a horrible idea, but Anakin doesn’t say that. He doesn’t point out that Maul’s desire makes the hostage useful only up until Obi-Wan’s arrival. He doesn’t suggest that negotiation is impossible with a madman. He doesn’t say that this is a hopeless mission, because he knows that Obi-Wan doesn’t believe in any of those things. He grits his teeth. He nods. He lies. He agrees to watch the ship.

Obi-Wan slips into the Sundari Royal Palace alone.

And Maul is waiting, flanked by his men in the shadows, silent observers of his theatrical device.

“Master Kenobi,” he says. A smile slinks over his face like a cream-fat lothcat. “Then the rumour is true.”

Obi-Wan wears no cloak, carries no blade - it was stripped from him upon his surrender. There is nothing upon his person that speaks of war, or battle. No armour, no beskar, not even the little blade that Qui-Gon once gave him to be tucked into his boot. He is as humble as an Initiate, though he does not wear white anymore.

“Here I am,” he says. “I have come when you called.”

“Like a dog,” Maul agrees, pleasure curling in his words.

“Just so.” Obi-Wan’s agreement is easy. He will say what he must to ensure the outcome he desires. It is his way. The Negotiator.

Maul can hear the honey in his voice, and is enraged by it. His mouth twists, and his eyes flare like oceans of fire. He does not want surrender - he wants subjugation. Kenobi’s appeasement will find no footing here. He growls, and spins around to rip the boy from the throne behind him.

Korkie Kryze is pale, and wan. He staggers upright, wilting against the iron grip of Maul’s hold, his head bowed. His hair seems nearly silver, and Obi-Wan is reminded of Satine all those years ago. Her hair glimmered, even in shadow, and Obi-Wan thought she must be made of starlight. Perhaps her nephew shone once, too. Anakin said he’d been a bright kid, eager and earnest, when he’d questioned him. He couldn’t remember much, but Obi-Wan had pressed him for any details, worried that without prior knowledge he might not recognise the child he’s come to ransom and so be cheated out of whatever bargain he may drive. The boy before him is not eager, and if he is earnest then such a trait will only hurt him in a place like this where survival depends on duplicity and malevolence.

“Let him go,” Obi-Wan says, voice low and steady. The Force does not flow here, but still it resonates deeply in his chest, a wellspring of authority and might. “Surely, the cousin of a dead ruler is nothing to you. Now that I am here.”

“You lie,” Maul spits, “To say you came all this way for a cousin.”

Obi-Wan’s brow folds, a brief knell of dreadful confusion ringing in his head. Why should he lie? “I came all this way for Satine,” he says. “For what I owe her.”

“Then the boy means nothing?” Maul asks, searching Obi-Wan for some hesitation, or faltering gaze. Obi-Wan remains still, and Maul simpers, bringing his mouth so close to Korkie’s ear that the heat of his breath and the wet of his tongue cause the boy to flinch away. “Do you hear that?” He says. “He does not come for you. Not out of love. But out of duty.”

“I have come for him,” Obi-Wan insists. “What matter is the motivation? I am here.” He is tired of these games, but Maul’s lies cannot hurt those who have no reason to doubt. Who knows what the boy has been told. “This child bears no relation to me. His death will cause me no more particular grief than any other you have caused before. If you do it to goad me, then I warn you, it is a useless act. I will not be bent. I will not be broken. What greater love could you steal from me than that which you already have? What greater loss would test me more than the death of a master? Or a lov -”

“A son?”

Time is like the void of space. The words travel at light speed but take aeons to reach him.

“What?”

Maul shifts his grip, and it is more like an embrace. He holds Korkie in front of him, arms about his chest and his belly, his chin resting on the crook of his shoulder. He smiles. “Or did you think I had not heard?”

Obi-Wan heard, but still it does not make sense. It cannot make sense. Satine had no children, and he -

“That isn’t possible,” he says, but with every passing moment, the light of revelation grows and he is illuminated by it. “She didn’t -”

“Oh, wait!” Maul cries, and he tumbles wildly from outrage and villainy into mad delight. He laughs - a short bark of disbelief - and then he cackles, his mirth bordering on hysteria though his grip on Korkie never slackens, even as tears stream down his face. “Oh, no,” he says. “Oh, but this is divine! Kenobi, you pathetic wretch, I have such wonderful news for you: you’re a father! Congratulations! Take your time with him. Treasure it. Children grow up so fast, and then -” his laughter dies, choked off in a sudden, brutal turn. “Then, of course, they are gone.”

With Korkie held fast in one arm, he drops the other to his hip and draws forth his blade. A wicked hum fills the room, like the growling of an empty stomach looking on a fresh laid feast. Then, there is light, crackling like lightning over a black sky. The Darksaber.

“His mother died upon this blade,” Maul says, his tone light, as though nearly bored by the observation. “She was spit upon my sword like a worm at the end of a hook, though she wriggled rather more than one, speaking words of love . For you. But she said nothing of this, did she? I guess she did not think to mention it. I suppose she felt it best not to burden you. But that is unfair, isn’t it? After all, he is your blood too, and I? I would not feel right keeping him from you. You’re welcome.”

“It’s not true,” Obi-Wan says.

Maul grins, feline and feral. “Isn’t it?”

Korkie trembles, and looks up. His eyes…

They are clear, and blue, and as bright as a cloudless summer sky. Satine once told him she thought of his as such. Like sunlight over the ocean. Like the curling blue crest of a wave. At nineteen, she had never seen an ocean, but she imagined it like the grand sweep of the sky above Capital City on Coruscant, and she saw Obi-Wan there.

And Obi-Wan sees himself.

And he feels it. Banked low, and deep, like water from a mountain spring locked up in the dead of winter, the Force calls like to like. This boy is his.

His son.

“Korkie…” he says. The name tastes strange, but sweet.

Maul cringes at the sound of it.

“How touching,” he says. “And how glad I am to be of some small service to the great Obi-Wan Kenobi. You ought to thank me, Obi-Wan. After all, without me, you would have let him die a bastard. Though perhaps that is merely a hereditary trait.”

The Sith shoves the boy forward, and lifts his blade, poised to strike, the Darksaber humming in anticipatory glee.

“No, wait!” Obi-Wan shouts. He holds out his hand, and catches Maul’s mid-swing, throwing him back with the Force. Maul relents and recovers, smiling, sheathing the sword. At last, Kenobi is ready to bargain. “What must I do?”

“Kneel,” Maul says. “Bow to me.”

So Obi-Wan does. And Maul is not content.

“Lower.”

He closes his eyes, shutting away the sight of Korkie staring at him, earnest and helpless and hopeful. Somehow, he is hopeful. Obi-Wan presses his brow to the cool glass floor, like he did before masters as a child.

“Now crawl,” Maul says, and when Obi-Wan hesitates, he shouts it. “Crawl to me, Jedi! On your hands and knees, like a dog. Come to your master’s whistle.”

So Obi-Wan crawls. One hand in front of the other until he is at Maul’s feet, the steel monstrosities he gave to him.

“Kiss them,” Maul hisses.

The steel is cool against his lips.

“Lick them,” he commands.

He does. He does.

“See how your father gives in, Korkie Kryze? See how low he has brought himself?” There is no satisfaction in his voice. Only disgust. He kicks at his jaw with one mechanical leg, rattling his teeth and knocking him to the floor. “Now, beg.”

The saber ignites, his own this time, and the vicious glare of the red blade burns through the room.

“Please,” he says. “Please. I will do whatever you wish. I am here, Maul. I am yours. I submit. What else do you want? What else must I do?”

“Now, suffer, little Jedi. Now fall.” Maul raises his blade, throwing strange shadows across their faces. “Now, watch this.”

Obi-Wan lifts his gaze. He sees the twisting, writhing cast of Maul’s expression. He sees the bloody red glare of his saber, and hears the sickly whispering of its kyber. He sees Korkie struggle, and pull away from Maul’s grasp, one arm outstretched and reaching, reaching, reaching -

And at the end of his fingertips, just out of reach, is the Darksaber, sheathed and clipped to Maul’s belt. He could call it to him, Obi-Wan thinks. He could use the Force, and bring it to his palm, but not in time to hold back the swing of Maul’s sword. He is too far away. But Korkie…

It happens without thought. In one moment, the Darksaber is at Maul’s hip, and in the next it is in Korkie’s hand, black and cackling, and slipping through the ribs of the Sith Lord, who drops his own blade in horror.

Maul stumbled backward. The Darksaber slides free, and so does Korkie, released from his captor’s grip, and holding the hilt of the saber with both hands.

Obi-Wan whispers, reaching for him. “Korkie?”

The boy turns his head, eyes wide, and bright, and fearful. “Master Jedi,” he says, then stops, his mouth open but not knowing what to say. He is just a boy, after all. But he is also his mother’s son. He is also a Mandalorian. He knows how to fight.

“Come to me, now,” Obi-Wan says, waving him back. Korkie comes. It takes him an age as he picks his way across the floor. In the shadows, Death Watch waits, and watches. They are no friend of the Kryze’s and yet…Korkie carries the Darksaber in trembling hands. Obi-Wan can feel the tremor of their indecision in the Force. They are waiting to see who will win. They are thinking that Maul might die. They are wondering if they should challenge Korkie next. “Come to me,” he repeats, more urgently.

Maul has staggered back to lean against the arm of the throne. He presses both hands against his ribs, and spits blood upon the floor. Obi-Wan can hear the wheeze of his breath, which transforms into the wheeze of his laughter.

“Oh, the puppy has teeth, does he? How wonderful! I won’t feel so bad about killing you now. It’s only my duty to put down a rabid dog.”

He signals to his men, and there is a clamouring in the darkness around them as beskar’gam sings in readiness. But they are not alone in the dark.

Blaster fire rings out from the rafters, leaving smoldering pock marks in the floor. He looks up, and half a dozen figures descend from above like giant birds of prey. Their helmets glint like terrible beaks, their blasters shine like talons. The Nite Owls are hunting here.

They fall into battle with Maul’s Death Watch, taking advantage of their surprise, but one of their number is slimmer, and darker than the rest. They leap out of the shadows and land silently at Obi-Wan’s back.

“Come on.” It is Anakin, hauling at Obi-Wan’s arm, and pulling him towards the nearest window. Outside, he can see their ship, locked in stasis and turns back to catch Anakin’s grin. “Technically, I didn’t lie,” he says. “I just brought it with me. Now, let’s go!”

But Obi-Wan’s not leaving alone. He grabs at Korkie, drawing him close, speaking soft.

“Give me that,” Obi-Wan says. “Give that to me, son.” He coaxes the Darksaber from Korkie’s white-knuckled grip, and douses the blade.

“She wouldn’t have done that,” Korkie says, so young and so earnest, looking desperately to Obi-Wan as if confessing the worst. “She wouldn’t have killed. She would hate me, she would hate me.”

“No,” Obi-Wan says. “She wouldn’t. I wouldn’t. I am here now. She is with you. Let’s go together.”

And with Anakin at their back, and the Nite Owls overhead, they sprint for the ship to make good their escape.

#obi wan kenobi #korkie kryze #anakin skywalker #darth maul #fic i wrote #prompt fill #spotify prompt #THANK YOU THANK YOU I'M LATE FOR DINNER! <3

33 notes · View notes

inknopewetrust · 3 years

Text

A Little Chaos

Summary: A thief finds herself at the center of the kidnapping of two girls and has the attention one very attractive detective.

Pairing: Detective Loki x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Criminal activity, flirting, sexual references, brief choking, probably 16+ based on content but no explicit smut. A mention of pedophilia but nowhere near in detail.

A/N: I don't think I've ever written something like this and can I just say that I really loved it!? So, I really hope you all do too! Requests are currently CLOSED but I hope to open them soon again and with new characters to add to my list. Check out my Masterlist for all other works. Thanks so much for requesting this @mrs-blooooom! I just loved the idea so much and thanks for being so kind about all the delays!

One - pick the lock

Two - lift up the screen and frame as quietly as possible but make absolutely no rough work of it.

Three - slip on the shoe covers and assess the gloves before entering through the window.

Four - get to work.

That was always the structure, no questions asked. Though, you noticed the news beginning to trace your patterns. You had made a hit in another neighborhood two weeks ago and because the news began reporting the patters, you were sure the police weren’t far behind.

And perhaps on that particular Thanksgiving, you shouldn’t have done another–or picked that house, rather.

Detective David Loki had a million different things running through his mind on a daily basis. When a case such as the Dover-Birch one stuck itself in the middle of an already pending investigation of burglaries in the Conyer’s area, he had a hunch of who he would investigate first. But he couldn’t get to that immediately because Keller Dover convinced him and his superiors that the RV belonging to Alex Jones was the first and only way to go.

But even after interrogating the man who had a child-like innocence to him, David Loki was convinced there was something more to the story. There had to have been a connection to who burglarized the Dover’s that same night and where the girls could be... he was certain, but then he wasn’t because he wasn’t sure you were the kind of person who would kidnap two innocent girls.

On a particularly slow Tuesday, no new leads had come in and the investigation had stalled because Alex Jones had now gone missing without a trace. Although he was doing everything he could, Loki was far from finding a solution and decided to take the initiative into his own hands and dive into the file he had been working on for nearly five months–the one into you and your less-than-stellar activities. The post-it note sticking out of the side of the manilla folder contained an address to an apartment in the center of town. He plucked it out, tucked it into his pocket and walked straight out of the station.

You weren’t worried about being considered a suspect in the kidnapping of two girls. You had no connection to the Dover’s, Birches’, or the Jones’, as well as no connection to the scene of the crime. You were always careful, and the Dover’s had no security cameras. So, when your comm buzzed in the middle of the day, you weren’t expecting it to be the police.

“Hello?”

“Ms. L/n? This is Detective Loki with the Conyer’s Police Department. I have a few questions I would like to ask you.” The voice was cackled with the circuited communication buzzer but you heard the man loud and clear. You also knew exactly who that was.

Detective David Loki was an infamous creature of Conyers. One day he just seemed to sprout out of nowhere and into the public sphere, but you had known him for a while. You were never friends, and you were sure until now he didn’t even know your name, but he was the star pupil of the town. And the spotlight he was in, he absolutely hated it. Every time his picture appeared in the paper or when he had to speak on the television relayed that message and you laughed in pity. The poor man just wanted to do his job and that was one part he didn’t sign up for.

“Can I ask what this is regarding?”

“The investigation into Joy Birch and Anna Dover. I just have a few questions I’d like to ask you if you would step-”

“I’ll buzz you up.” You pressed the button and unlocked the door, opening it just enough for you to rest on the frame with one arm on the door and the other on your hip.

Another thing you knew about Detective David Loki was that he was one of the most attractive people you had ever laid eyes on. The man was a walking dream but unfortunately, on the other side of the law which was far from promising when it came to your vivid imagination.

“How nice of you to not barge into my home, Detective.” You called out to him as he appeared on the steps landing just down the hall from your door. Loki gave no smile but shoved an orange post-it into his jacket as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“This surely won’t take long.”

With a nod you moved away from the door, shutting it closed behind you. With the sudden and unexpected presence of this man who was a fine line between formal detective and loose cop, there was an urge to be exactly the opposite of what he wanted you to be. He had been trailing you for just enough time to learn patterns in your life, the people you associate with, the fact that you had a degree and a decent job. You had an apartment to call your own, a car that wasn’t stolen and yet you continued to break into people's homes and steal curious objects for what? Consignment sales? He wasn’t sure. But you weren’t going to give him the answers he was looking for. You enjoyed the life you built for yourself...even if you had to steal and sell things to arrive at ends meet to pay for everything in your life.

“So... what can I do for you?”

“Can you recall where and what you were going on the night of Thursday, November 28th?”

“Thanksgiving?” You asked with a raised brow and he nodded. Loki pulled out no notebook to take notes, rather he watched every movement. He was trying to identify guilt, but you were a casual sleuth. It wasn’t a game he was used to because all of his suspects eventually gave in.

“I got up around 8:30, maybe 9 and ate some breakfast, um I-” You took a seat on the arm of your couch, running a hand over your mouth trying to “remember” what exactly you were doing a few days ago.

“-took a shower and then got started on my dish to pass at my parents dinner. I made sweet potatoes and stuffing-or dressing... I don’t know what you call it.” Loki was far from amused that you were making this appear less than serious. He couldn’t let himself believe that you were stupid enough to believe he wasn’t there on behalf of the story that captured the attention of the entire nation, so he didn’t believe a word you said.

“When that was done I got ready, did my makeup, and headed out to my parents where my sister and her family were meeting us to have dinner. Then I left their house around 7-ish and came home.”

“After dinner you went straight home?”

“Yes.”

You looked at him with an unfazed gaze which he met but didn’t buy. It was a game. A cat and mouse game that he wasn’t willing to bite into but it was too late, you already had him on a string. Loki would be lying if he didn’t find you attractive, even in the slightest. You were a beautiful woman, and it was because of how you looked that you’ve never been caught. You always covered every inch of your body and you looked unassuming. You had a perfectly pristine house, looked like someone who didn’t need to steal to live but then again, most of the time, all the people who do steal never look like they would because that is what people are taught not to look for.

“I made some phone calls late last week and someone in your family spilled that you weren’t there. In fact, you haven’t been to a family holiday since you graduated college nearly ten years ago. Bad relationship?”

“I can assure you–whoever you talked to, they weren’t there. I was there. I can tell you what I wore, what I ate, what was on the T.V. and what color shoe my nephew was wearing that day.”

“Those could just be good guesses?” Loki let his eyes wander around the small living space. He looked at the picture frames, the vases, the bins, the T.V. stand, everything that could have screamed “out of place” to him but nothing did.

“You didn’t happen to pass two little girls on your drive home, did you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Two girls. I’m sure you’ve seen their picture on the news.” Loki pointed to the T.V. at first but then dug into his pocket and pulled out a single picture of two girls photographed on a playground. They were smiling widely and happily at the person behind the camera. You had never seen the girls so you shook your head no and crossed your arms.

“No. I’ve never seen them before. Am I supposed to?”

“I don’t know, are you?”

“What are you implying, detective?”

“Do you know the house you broke into on Thursday, November 28th was the home of Anna Dover. Anna and her friend Joy went missing that same night after returning to the Dover residence to find a whistle. You were inside the home at the time we believe the girls went missing. So, tell me–do you know where the girls are?” Loki was zoned in accusation. The man was unwavering in his tone or his assumption and you would say it was scary if you didn’t find it attractive. Why, God WHY, did the detective working on this case have to be everything you looked for in a man? It would be so much easier if he were old and wrinkled but he was far far from it.

“Detective, if I would have known you would come into my home and accuse me of kidnapping two innocent girls, I wouldn’t have answered the ring.”

“Where are the two girls? Do you know where they are?”

“No. I told you I didn’t take the girls.”

“But you were in the house? Did you see the girls?”

“I didn’t say that either.”

“What if I told you that you were a sloppy thief?”

“Excuse me?” You furrowed your brows in confusion. You were certain that you were not. There was never a time where you left as much as a trace of hair in a location that you hit.

“The bin.” Loki walked over to the T.V. stand that had three white bins tucked into slots. The bins were generally filled with junk except for one thing that the Dover’s told him went missing yesterday afternoon. A medium size blue decorative pot with yellow flowers on its sides. It was meant for shallow flowers as a table center piece that was gifted to Keller and Grace on their wedding day. Grace was distraught over it and it was sitting the left-most bin under the television. Loki pulled open the drawer and carefully took out the pot and you looked at it with a shrug.

“Where did you get this?”

“My mother.”

“I thought I told you that they told me you haven’t spoken to them in a decade?”

“Well I obviously spoke to them before that.”

“I am going to ask you again and I want an honest answer. Where did you get this pot?”

What were you supposed to do? The man literally cracked the code. If only you hadn’t chosen that house. Oh! How much easier your life would be.

“I plead the fifth.” Oh, fuck.

Loki set the pot carefully down and pulled a pair of handcuffs from his belt. It would have been hot if you weren’t terrified of what came next. Then you made an ill-timed joke.

“You’re not pulling those out for another reason are you?” You didn’t even laugh yourself because he simply ignored it and motioned for you to stand and turn around.

“I am going to take you to the station and we will talk more there. Stand up, turn around, and give me your hands.”

“I already told you I don’t know where the girls are.” Ignored again but the feeling of him pushing your shoulder with his hand and taking your wrist was something you wished you would stop replaying in your mind.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything-”

The Conyer’s Police Station was wimpy compared to other cities. It was a small, single story brick building with three holding rooms and one interrogation room. You weren’t sure how long you sat in the holding cell, but it was nighttime by the time you were taken out of the room by another officer and into a brightly lit, slightly yellowed room with a mirrored window and a small desk with two chairs. There was a pencil and a pad of paper at the center of it but you were sure if it was going to be Detective Loki interrogating you, he wouldn’t need it.

The officer uncuffed you with no words spoken and pointed at the chair facing the window. You rubbed your wrists from the friction the metal left before taking a seat and staring into the glass where your reflection met your own. You had nothing to do with the two missing girls so you had nothing to give them, or rather, nothing to give Loki to further his investigation.

The man of the hour waltzed into the room a mere five minutes after you were sat down. He had a half-drank cup of coffee in one hand and a small grouping of papers in the other. Loki sat down, settling himself before looking up at you and beginning the interrogation.

“Please state your name, age, and address.”

You recited the information as told.

“How many homes a year do you burglarize?" Loki opened a file that was tucked under some papers with a series of pictures printed on a piece of computer paper. It was amalgamation of missing objects from families around Conyers. You were fucked, but you couldn't let him think that, or at least believe that you were guilty in anyway. Your stealing wasn't going to find those girls because you had no idea where in the world they were. You had never seen them before their faces were plastered on every hour of the news.

"Shouldn't my lawyer be here if you are going to accuse me of something?"

"Do you need a lawyer?"

"Do I, Detective?"

It was the attitude that angered him the most. A woman like you didn't need to steal. Based on your records, he had no reason to truly believe you would. Clean record. No screaming signs of intent or distrust popped out but he knew you were guilty. There was not a doubt. But there was something in that attitude that made him squirm. An attractive quality that he did not want to admit.

"If you answer the questions I ask truthfully, then no, you won't need a lawyer."

"Ask away." You leaned back in the chair with arms crossed and a determined narrowness to your eyes. It was a challenge. Try me, Detective. Do it, I dare you.

"When did you first start stealing?"

"When I was seven. My sister always had better stuff, so I took it."

"And that escalated to...what?" Instead of leaning back on his own chair, Loki leaned forward. His shoulders were hunched in an aggressive, intense tactic to scare you into admitting something that you didn't have any part of. He just wanted to find those girls and you happen to be a speed bump in the way.

"Minor petty theft. I never take anything over $500."

"How do you know what something is worth?"

"I'm sure you can find that in my file, Detective. Everything is there I am sure of it. You all know just how to frame the people you want. But I had nothing to do with those girls."

Loki's line of aggravation was growing thin. Sooner or later, attitude wasn't going to cut it and he was going to have to use the tactics he used on Alex Jones and other potential perpetrators on you. He never liked to get outright violent with women, but he couldn't let this go without trying to get something. The days were wearing thin and he needed to find Joy and Anna.

"You were in the Dover's house the night of the abduction. Where are the girls?"

"I told you I didn't have anything to do with that."

"Didn't or don't."

"Doesn't matter. I did not see them. I do not know where they are. Ruining children's lives isn't my MO, Detective-"

"But you do and you did! YOU were in that house. YOU were at the scene of the crime at the time they went missing. YOU are the one who knows what happened to those girls!" His voice was no longer steady and calm as he had been taught during his training. His string had snapped when in response, you laughed.

Loki flew out of his chair, rounded the table as the sound of his chair skidded across the floor and to the wall behind him. If you weren't so focused on him, you probably could have heard the surprised yells of the Detectives and Officers behind the mirror. The angered Detective roughly arrived at his destination–you, and grabbed the back of your hair, pulling your head back to look at him as he stood over you.

"Where the fuck are the girls?" It came out like a hiss. His eyes enraged with pain for the families and his own reputation if the case goes wrong and he doesn't find them in enough time. You weren't scared of him or his tactics. Rather, it was quite the opposite. If he wasn't attractive, you would have been disgusted but the man was the epitome of perfection and this scene would be one to get you off for years to come.

"I told you, I don't know where the girls are." He gripped your hair harder and you felt the chair waver underneath you. Still not scared.

"You're a liar, a fucking thief, and I don't believe you. Where are the girls? Do you like that sort of thing, huh? Do-"

"You sick fuck. I'm a thief not a fucking pedophile. I didn't take the girls!" You were slightly taken aback by his suggestion, but it was all a tactic. You had seen it on millions of police shows before. He just wanted answers, but he wasn't going to find them with you. Whatever in the sentence you had just spoken to him, Loki was worse off for it. He practically lifted you by the hair and charged you into the wall roughly. Not enough to leave a mark, but enough to make a point. He wasn't playing around but neither were you.

Loki's hand let go of your hair and one found itself on the wall next to your head as he closed in on you. You could feel his breathe on your face and his eyes pierced your goddamned soul. The other, well the other found itself right on your neck, holding you in place against the wall with a slight squeeze. Holy fuck.

"Keep this up Detective and I would have the means to believe this might lead to something else." The smile, your smile crept up on your face at your own assumption. You wouldn't complain if it did escalate to that.

"TELL ME WHERE THE GIRLS ARE? WHERE IS ANNA? WHERE IS JOY?"

"I told you I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE GIRLS ARE!"

There was something in your own anger that made him want to believe you didn't take the girls or had any clue where they were. He would hate to see a woman like you throw your life away for a career of crime. The proximity between the two of you was next to none. A knife wouldn't have been able to break the tension and the way he held you, unintentionally violent with a hand just a little too suggestively on your neck was a mistake but not one that he was readily going to admit. If this was any other situation, he might have let himself be willing to feel something more. But this was an interrogation, so he kept the face and squeezed just a little harder.

"Where are they? Tell me where they are?"

"Starting to sound like a broken record there. I would tell you again but I'm sure you have my admission of NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE ON TAPE!"

Loki had enough and let your neck go with a jolt. His hands went to his belt where his cuffs were sitting and he pulled them out and turned you around. Your body was flush against the wall and one of his large, tattooed hands held your wrists together as he went to cuff them. This was another thing that would forever be engrained in your "sexy when it shouldn't be" file in your brain.

"Fine. You won't tell me where they are? Maybe a night in lock up will make you think." His voice was low, just at the base of your ear and his hot breath lingered on your neck as you could hear nothing but your heart beating out of your chest and the sound of cuffs closing.

But the man didn't get much further than that because the door to the room opened and like two deer in headlights, you both turned your heads to the sound of the intruder. It was another officer who looked both scared and amused and slightly embarrassed in regard to what he walked in on. He approached Loki as the latter man pulled you off the wall and forward, in front of him to walk toward the door.

"It was the hospital. Joy Birch was just admitted."

The look on Loki's face was priceless. You literally scoffed out loud and turned your face to his.

"I told you I had no fucking idea where they were."

Loki simply passed you over to the other officer and headed to the door, frustrated and confused about his own work and internal feelings about what had just happened–both the realization that you had no idea where they were and that he had been aggressive to the point where it kind of turned him on.

"Detective!" He was halfway out the door when you called out to him and if he had a mind, he would have ignored you and continued on, but he was so flustered that he did.

"If you ever want to use those cuffs sometime, you know where to find me."

Loki didn't say anything, but his eyes wandered. From your face to your body to the floor and back up. It was an unashamed look that made the officer uncomfortable, but you couldn't help but let a small, sly smile grace your face at his look. This man would be the end of your criminal career if he managed to find the time to reunite with you again.

And he did. Two days after Keller Dover was found in a hole and on a holiday he knew you were not going to spend with your family.

#Detective Loki x Reader #Detective Loki x Female Reader #Prisoners #Prisoners 2013 #Jake Gyllenhaal x oc #Jake Gyllenhaal x Reader #David Loki x reader #David Loki x Female Reader #Detective Loki x fem reader #Detective Loki #fanfic #writer #x reader #x female reader #i imagine after the christmas trist reader does in fact serve time for theft. but we ignore that for now.

345 notes · View notes

theredsuzuran · 3 years

Text

Douma x reader - Innocence

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Took me a long time to upload a new content am so sorry for the delay I was really busy with school assignments therefore I cannot manage the time to write. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors on my behalf, I hope you enjoy.

Warning : Dark themes like gore, blood and violence, degradation and swearing, mature content.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The moon shone brightly above the sky as it's light leak through the branches illuminating the famous building of the eternal paradise cult. A new set of followers rushed into the dwelling in hopes of fulfilling their selfish desires, diminishing their agonies and enriching their possessions. However a particular human with her tattered kimono seem not to be interested to convey anything although the people around her would die to witness even a glimpse of the charismatic leader as for now she was busy running along the wide long corridors

The sound of thumping footsteps echoed throughout the building as a herd of followers attempted on catching the miscreant who disrupted the peaceful atmosphere prevailing over the supreme cult. The already annoyed and frustrated people were all worked up to catch the energetic human who on the other hand have thoughts of escaping this place they called paradise. If only she was careful enough to notice her mother's strange behavior soon as they entered the place but how can you possibly blame an innocent little girl like her, or so she thought. Afraid she might lose sight of her treacherous mother who abandoned her just moments ago she desparety stumbled her way out although that didn't concerned her simple thinking process but that's exactly how complicated the situation was.

Turning one last time to look behind if those weird people were still following her or not when suddenly she bumped into a Tall muscular figure standing infront of her soft delicate frame she must have missed him approaching while focusing on looking behind. "Please just leave me alone!" The girl fumed coherently still overwhelmed by the amount of people rushing towards her like waves something that she was not accustomed with as for eighteen years she lived indoors interacting rarely with anyone and playing with dolls most of the time.

"Watch your tongue brat" one of the men standing beside the tall man spoke with disgust hinted in his voice. "Crouch down you insolent woman, where's your gratitude it's because of lord Douma's benevolence that you are still here or you'd be rotting in the street thanks to your mother", the people around her started whispering and murmuring behind her back but she was not bother since her senses were filled with newfound wrath how dare they insult your angel like mother? No longer able to contain your anger you shouted with tears "Then take me to my mother, I don't want to stay here alone".

"Your mother abandoned you here so shut up and deal with it, now move your way for master" the man grunted irritatedly motioning the other followers to grab her and take her away.

"No don't touch me" she wiggled under their grip rushing towards douma blocking him from entering the room by grabbing his arm tightly "I am not going anywhere until I know where my mother is" she cried loudly making the demon flinch with surprise, how pitiful the creature looked in his polychromatic eyes. He have seen many humans crying before him for obvious reasons which honestly have become his monotonous routine but somehow this girl acted quite weird being her age, interesting him enough to investigate. As he was about to speak the man beside him pushed the girl hashly making her lose her balance and fall on the wooden floor.

"How dare you touch master with your filthy hands bitch" he lift his hand to slap her tight in the face but someone grabbed his wrist just in time to save the girl from further humiliation.

"Silence" all the questioning glances, judging looks and whispering stopped at once as douma spoke nonchalantly making the latter shiver in regret.

"I am sorry douma sama" the man uttered in pure horror having no intentions to displease his beloved lord. "I was-"

"I don't want to see that happen again, understood?" He replied coldly still maintaining his wide smile as the previous chaos shifted into complete hush. The man lowered his head down with shame nodding silently. Douma averted his attention and glanced at the figure underneath making the girl jolt a bit but his once frightening demeanor changed into a cheerful and optimistic one in matter of second upon seeing her.

"Please take her to my chamber and treat her wounds" the man clapped with a wide grin plastered on his face. A group of female servants came rushing to help picking her up. The girl being too bewildered did not protested and simply follow his tone as if she was hypnotized by his neatly decorated persona.

The girl was immediately taken away without delay and as per douma he needed to attend his cult duties. First of all she was washed and changed into a beautiful kimono as soon as she stepped inside, then she was escorted into a room filled with antiques and lavish items which she have never seen. Her face lit up with fascination as she began venturing those decorative pieces.

"Looks like you have ease down a bit, good good" A familiar tone struck in her ears startling her a bit only to turn back and view the handsome cult leader although it was a bit strange because she did not heard anyone approaching.

"Aww did I scared you?" He laughed covering his face with golden fans.

"No I was just- you came in without a warning, I was taken aback" she explained blushing trying her best not to act immature to which douma laughed uncontrollably as he found this human's expression adorable say entertaining in his words.

"D-dont laugh at me" she pouted crossing her arms in the attempt.

"I am sorry (y/n), you really amuse me" he replied still grinning. However there was a moment of awkward silence between them as he uttered her name abruptly.

"I didn't tell you my name.." after a long pause she replied to him with a confuse look in her face.

"I know everyone's name who are living under my supervision including yours besides what kind of cult leader I am if I don't have basic information about my fellow followers. Oh look I have been talking to you without giving the chance to let you talk my bad" he laughed again waving his fans creating another awkward situation. Causing you to sweatdrop on his remark.

"Say (y/n) how old are you?" to which she replied enthusiastically "I am 8 years old and will turn 9 soon"

"Ah you don't look like one" douma grinned closing his eyes in the process.

"Yeah I get that a lot" she remarked shyly.

"Your mother is one of my followers" he continued

"Really?" her eyes sparked with hope as she approached douma with anticipation grabbing his arms for the second time starling him, she really like holding hands eh? he have experiences like that but somehow this girl made him feel different so he allowed her but then she stopped halfway through her words "I really miss her it's been a week since she left me here" her voice dropped with sadness.

Douma felt no sympathy for humans or anything as such, he have learned to fake his emotions from a very tender age eversince he was born to the extent that even seeing his mother killing her husband mercilessly failed to evoke feelings within. He clearly did not understand what she was feeling he just stared at her with a blank expression only to replace it quickly with a grim look even faking few tears. "(Y/n) chan you know its okay you will still have me" he patted the girl in an attempt to comfort her.

"Friends?" (Y/n) replied between her tears.

"If that's how you want us to be" douma smiled at her gently shocking himself for a second because he didn't think of smiling?

Things escalated soon after that incident, (y/n) was a kind and compassionate person from inside and out and in not time the cult followers started loving her presence. As often douma would let her accompany him and most of the time she stayed by his side following him everywhere and he didn't mind that at all moreover he appreciated her company. (Y/n) was like a fresh bud to him who depicted innocence and purity he loved spoiling her with expensive gifts yet she never showed signs of greediness and genuinely appreciated his thoughtfulness slowly forgetting the past life she was in and cherishing her friendship with douma. At first she was reluctant and didn't like getting so much attention but in the course of time she bonded better with everyone and was quite content with the life she was leading. As for douma he began to depend on (y/n) to the point that not seeing her face for even one day would make him go insane and he didn't understand why not like he want to because all he cared about was how she made him feel so many varieties of pleasant emotions he wish he could feel. Eating her was out of context.

However all good things must come to an end for he is someone to not rest in peace after the sin he have committed for centuries. Seeing douma paying her more attention, spoiling her with a ravish lifestyle and even letting her stay by his side all the time made some of his cult members terribly envious they wanted to punish her for taking their chances of stealing the spotlight. There was this one room that he forbade his followers to enter for obvious reasons and specifically for (y/n) because he didn't want to repeat the same mistake. This was exactly what they wanted (y/n) to do break the rules and Douma's trust. Like that there would be no more favouritism on her with others.

"Ah (y/n), there you are" one of the female member approached her one fine morning.

"Yes how may I help you?" She asked cheerfully

"Lord douma have asked for your presence in the forbidden room tonight and he said its urgent"

"Aren't we all prohibited to go inside"

"Oh (y/n) it's true master have arrived today and he wants your presence"

Upon hearing that news her heart elated with happiness, it has been two weeks since he last saw douma around and she missed him but something felt off about the whole situation douma always sees (y/n) first before tending his followers then why did he not come meet her did he not miss her like she did?

She was lost in her thoughts until she found two hands waving and snapping infort of her face.

"Don't be late, okay?" With that said the female hurried back into other room leaving (y/n) behind even though the situation seem kinda odd maybe douma was busy afterall.

At night (y/n) went into the restricted area. She stood infront of the shoji door in absolute dilemma debating whether or not to enter the room or go back. There was her desire of meeting douma on one hand and not breaking his trust by entering the room on the other. In the end she decided not to but as she was turning back she heard someone grunting in pain behind the closed doors being a compassionate person, she decided to open the door and enter into the darkness adjusting her eyes in the process, a pungent smell hit her nostrils making her cover her mouth and to her absolute terror the scene infront of her made her puke in disgust.

A pile of Mutilated bodies, mostly women laid around lifelessly on the blood stained tatami mattress. Many having no limbs, some headless and organs missing from their body as if someone had ate all of that. The whole room was a mess full of unfortunate people. She felt sick and began crawling down her way back from the corpses. However she felt a tight grip on her left foot upon looking down she witness the sight of a woman her intestines oozing out of her stomach begging for help. (Y/n) stood there perplexed unable to say anything chocking through tears.

"I told you not to come here, why?" (Y/n) turned her head violently to see douma standing in a distance his countenance cold and sinister evident that he was highly displeased upon seeing his innocent flower disobeying his instructions.

"It's not... like... what you see" (y/n) cried fearfully but douma didn't seem to buy it well in a blink of an eye she found herself in Douma's arms as he aggressively dragged her out of the room.

"What's going on douma" no word came out from the usual lively douma.

"It's hurting me your grip" no reply again to which she forcefully tried to stand still with all her strength. This time douma stopped his features hidden under his bangs making her unable to figure the expression he was carrying.

"Is this why douma forbade us to enter the room" no reply

"Are you responsible for murdering those innocent people?" No reply

"DOUMA" she shouted

"Why you want to join them?" Douma finally looked at her his eyes glowing dangerously proving his existence to be something unnatural. (Y/n's) eyes widen at his remarks as tears rolled down her visage.

"I hate you.." she murmured

"What?" He tilted his head letting his guard down a bit at her hurtful comments.

"I HATE YOU" she pushed douma roughly and flew from the place running deep into the forest for she knew who he was and what he is capable of doing. Tearing down she constantly reminisce the moments she shared but she cannot allow herself to sympathize his heinous crimes. Why is it that the people I love are always taken away from me? She thought. Exhausted from running she halted in order to catch her breath while glancing back to see if he was following, there was no one indeed so a sudden feeling of relief gushed in her body. However turning her head back she saw him standing inches apart from her face which made her shiver and fall onto the knees.

"Why are you running away from me (y/n)" he said apatheticly his head lowered at her level. She did not reply and stayed quite.

"Is it true that you don't love me after all the things I did for you?" Covering his face with one hand his eyes glowing under the moonlight a look of dejection written on his face. There was complete silence in the forest except the sound of rustling trees.

"Answer me" holding her face now firmly he growled making her flinch under his breath. In one last desperate attempt (y/n) tried to stab douma with a tree branch she found laying on the ground but unfortunately douma was faster and easily dodged the attack and in a swift motion he hit her with immense strength causing her fragile little body to tremble in pain as she coughed mucus mixed with blood.

"How foolish of you" he crouched down her height staring intensely at the quivering figure of the miserable girl. As for (y/n) her body ached but more was the tightness in the chest that she was experiencing in the moment.

He pulled her by the hair roughly making her scream in pain although at this point all she could manage with her cracking voice were inaudible screams.

"Why did you disobey me? (Y/n)..." who knew beneath that friendly kind face was hiding a undeniably deadly and calculative demon and at this point it was clear for her that he was anything but human.

"Who are you?" these few words manage to escape from her shaky lips in between low grunts.

"I am the leader of the eternal paradise cult"

"Wrong" to which he tightened his grip making her shriek again.

"You humans are so dumb believing in the existence of primordial deities where in reality its just a myth, a fairytale, created for pleasuring the sufferings of mere human. Being superior than you mortals I wanted to make these pitiful existence happy and that's why I was born and what you saw there" his lips curved into a cheeky smile revealing his deadly fangs creeping the shit out of the already scared girl. "I eat them so that they can always be with me and attain salvation" a sinister laughter escape from his mouth as he covered it with his golden fans. (Y/n) unable to process the new sets of information knots formed in her stomach making her sick in the guts.

"I ate your mother too, oh she was ungrateful after all the things I did to her just like you" protruding her eyes with pure shock she felt her veins popping out and blood boiling in pure rage.

"You are a monster, you think your stupid morals would persuade people to think like you do, I despise you douma I thought we were friends and you took away the one I cherished the most?"

"You think your mother loved you?" Douma snapped. The duality of this was man was insane, all the things he does or says are plastic.

"She never cared for your life, you want to know why? I will tell you since you insist" douma dragged her out of forest holding a fistful of her hair tightly inflicting great discomfort to the girl while he continued with his harsh statements and deliberate insults.

"You were just a burden, behaving like a fucking child with the alluring body of yours"

"No my mother promised me..she would protect me.. you are lying"

"While you were crying everyday inside my shrine that lowly woman enjoyed her life indulging in adultery with various cult members leaving her sick husband and mentally retarded daughter in the dark" every word he uttered spread vemon into her ears.

"Still she wanted more and more and more, what a greedy whore" douma continued.

"Do you know how much difficult it was for me to control myself around you? While you sway your hips and act innocently making those hungry men lust over you, how much dumb can you be?"

"What do you mean I don't understand.. douma"

"I did everything I can for you yet you remain ungrateful, disrespectful? Well guess its runs in your blood and I thought you are innocent but it turns out that you are just like the rest of them, naive"

Her eyes widened with every hurtful remarks he made about her and she did not understand why she felt that way shouldn't she be resentful towards him for killing her beloved mother but here she is weeping constantly because douma was treating her like he never did before.

"But that's fine (y/n) I can not bring myself to hurt you I love you and we shall always be together whether you like it or not" nothing reached in her ears anymore as her body grew numb. Her eyes shut as she carried the unbearable pain in her heart slowly loosing consciousness and remaining sanity.

It would have been easier if she died but alas a mere human like her is doomed at his mercy.

#douma #douma kny #douma x reader #kny x reader #kny douma #demon slayer #fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba #upper moons #upper moon 2

165 notes · View notes

twistedmusings · 4 years

Text

A/N: My first request *squeal*. Thank you @raymiazaki !It feels like I’m a librarian recommending books. Honestly after watching the Malleus’s birthday SSR I couldn’t keep away from this request solely cause HOW CAN HE BE THAT ADORABLE? He ate a whole cake by himself because he had no one else to eat it with q wq I’ll eat it with you, bae.

Warnings: None, Very platonic and just way too much too much fluff!

Let me get that book for you!

Dear Grandmother--

Dearest Grandmother--

My esteemed Queen, I have--

Malleus sighs as he tries to clear his mind and restart all over. His grandmother had written him a beautiful letter congratulating him for his birthday and Malleus held the belief that maybe he should start writing back to her. He knows she is rather busy with the entire kingdom but maybe he should start putting effort in telling her about his school life.

His third year had been rather interesting, after all.

The cold hit against his skin as he looked down, fixing the buttons on his suit as well as touching the rather impressive decal on his right breast pocket. Were human celebrations meant to be so decorative? With the way the Diasmonia lounge had been decorated it seemed so. It was all rather new so it wasn’t like he had minded the rather festive celebration. Lillia had done a small presentation with his bass, Silver had given him a rather soft looking pillow and Sebek had handed him an apple that was beautifully carved to shape a mighty dragon spewing fire.

And you had come along, probably the biggest surprise of all.

He raised his head when he saw the Ramshackle dorm lights, quickening his pace just a bit as he remembered your visit.

For some reason the Headmaster had asked you to interview some of your friends for their birthday months. He said that it would make a great piece for the school newspaper as well as a way for Night Raven College students to know what kind of people attended this prestigious school. You were friends with some rather eccentric people so Malleus figured that the Headmaster had asked the right person. Before your visit, he had read up on everybody else’s answer as well as practicing what he would say to some potential questions you might ask, Lilia catching him talking to himself and asking if he needed to ‘lie down’ with a teasing smile on his face. Malleus simply stated that he wanted to be ready for what you might say.

The fae was pleasantly surprised, however, to find that most of your questions led to some pleasant tid bits of conversation he rarely got to have with you in his day to day life. You had looked quite impressed when he spoke about his confusion with human birthday celebrations and stating how you never saw it from his point of view, not panicking about how one hundred years didn’t compare at all to the life of a fae.

You didn’t fear for your mortality, you welcomed it.

Maybe that is why he wanted to write to his grandmother, because he had made a friend that interested him far more than anything else in these past two years.

You approached him without fear, spoke to him as if he was just another regular person and insisted on calling him the nickname you had given him when you two first met. When he asked for your reason as to why you kept calling him that despite now knowing his true name, you simply shrugged and smiled, stating that it was special. A secret that was shared between you.

He had promptly apologized after, stating that he rather liked the nickname as well and how he hoped you would continue using it.

The interview went just as fast as he had expected it, the little cat of yours pawing at your shoulder and insisting that you get a move on or else there would be no time to ‘prepare’. Which was a pity, you two had just been talking about how an entire birthday cake should be eaten with friends instead of all by himself but he guessed that you were still rather caught up in Ramshackle dorm priorities.

Whatever those may be. You stood up fast and gathered your things before turning to Malleus, the other thanking you for coming and wishing you a good rest of your night. He turned to the balcony once he heard the door of the dorm close shut, moving towards it in hopes to catch a glimpse of you as you left. Malleus smiled as he watched Grimm float in front of you as you struggled to catch up, saying something about how you had forgotten the most important part.

“Ramshackle is so far away! Why didn’t you ask him during the interview!”

“I forgot! Just...go to Ramshackle and I’ll meet you there!”

Seems you forgot something. Malleus watches as Grimm leaves, waiting a few moments before calling out to you. “Child of man?”

His eyes meet yours as you smile, waving your hands around as you let out a happy squeal. “Oh good! You’re up there! Listen! I don’t know why I forgot to tell you this but--mind coming over to Ramshackle after the party here is over?”

He tilts his head, an invitation? Apparently you could see the confusion in his eyes and spoke again.

“Just for a little bit! I forgot your present at my place and I want to give it to you before the night is over!”

You had looked up at him, both of you still looking at each other as Malleus thought about his answer.

“...Alright. I’ll be seeing you there, Prefect.”

With a grin, you waved at him and ran after your little cat familiar, leaving Malleus with a smile and newfound excitement.

From one party to another, he figured Lillia’s party nature may be rubbing off on him.

He walks up the Ramshackles steps, smiling as he takes a look at all the decorations that hung on your dorm. Diasmonia had some wonderful looking gargoyles, no denying that, but they were all mostly dragons and other such creatures. Yours were a lot more creative, the gargoyles seemingly designed in such a way that anyone would feel welcome in Ramshackle but to not let their guard down.

Malleus knocked on the door twice and looked around, wondering just why all the lights were on. Your lounge lights were usually dim by this time of night and if he was lucky he would find you sitting outside staring up at the stars. Maybe that is your goal? Instead of him inviting you on a nightly walk, this time it would be you inviting him?

How curious, why did the prospect of you inviting him anywhere get him this flustered.

The door opening, revealing a rather happy looking Ramshackle prefect. “Hi.”

“Good evening.”

You both stare at each other for a little bit before you move out of the way, Malleus smiling as he thanks you for letting him inside. “Was it too cold out? Should I have made the interview earlier?”

Malleus shook his head, “The cold doesn’t affect fae like it affects humans, this is our usual walking time anyway so I am used to this temperature.”

Another beat of silence, Malleus’s eyes locking onto your fingers as they fiddle with the bottom of your shirt. “Was there a reason you needed me to come here, child of man?”

You perk up and nod quickly. “Yes! A reason! A really important one, actually. Just…”

He watches you nod to yourself as if coming to terms with your resolve. “Follow me to my room, please!”

Interesting. You seemed nervous but the reason was not apparent to Malleus. Was his presence making you uncomfortable? No, then you wouldn’t have invited him here. It was something else then. Both of you jump when hearing a crash from the Lounge, Malleus turning around before looking back at you. “Is there someone--” “No nobody is here! I think it was just Grimm doing whatever he does around this time of night hahaha!” you take his hand and rush to your staircase, “Just follow me!”

This...would have been considered an act of highest treason in the Valley of Thorns. Nobody in the kingdom would dare touch a royal so carelessly, least of all drag them somewhere. The person would be immediately killed where they stood. Yet Malleus couldn’t do anything but smile as you dragged him to your room, looking around and taking in the rather homely atmosphere of the dorm. There were a lot of mirrors here and there, a portal for the ghosts to travel through he guessed. Yet he could see bits and traces of you living here, clearly making the dorm your own. Just you living here, all by yourself. He wondered if you got lonely. Both of you stop at your room, Malleus stepping in and smiling at some of the trinkets laying around. Shells, playing cards, a color necklace, some round gemstones in a small bowl and books that he recognized from his first year in Night Raven. In each one he could see the bond you had made with the dorm leader of each dorm.

He guessed that meant he would need to give you something as well. “Tsunotarou!”

“Yes?”

Malleus turns around only to see you holding out a small box to him, the box a glossy black with a small green bow on top.

“Happy Birthday.” you smile as he takes the box, “It’s not much. I don’t really have any way to make money but I scrounged up what I could and I think it is pretty decent!”

“...” He stares at the box and then at you, the nervousness in your eyes clear and present as he takes the little box. “I’m sure you got cooler presents than this but I didn’t want to be the only one who didn’t give you anything.”

Malleus nods at your words before putting the box down on whatever surface he could find. “Tsun--”

Cold hands grab your wrists and pull you into his arms, Malleus smiling as he squeezes lightly in order to show that, yes, this was his first hug with a human and he was more than happy that it happened to be with you. “Thank you. I didn’t expect such a surprise.”

You blink for a couple of seconds before smiling, digging your face in his shirt before pulling away. “Now I’m just embarrassed. You weren’t this smooth when I first met you.”

He tilts his head, “I am not in my dragon form…”

“No I meant--”

“[Y/N!]”

The door to your room busts open as Malleus feels you pull away from the hug, looking over at the intruder only to find that it was none other than the dorm leader of the Scarabia dorm. “Kalim--”

“Kalim! You were supposed to wait downstairs!”

“I know! I know but--Grimm accidentally set fire to one of your curtains and I tried to put it out with my Oasis Maker but now the entire lounge is wet! I suggested I get someone to help but Leona insisted that I just come get you because it sounded like the ‘Lizard’ was already here.”

Both you and Kalim look at Malleus as the other smiles.

“He really can smell me from a mile away…”

Kalim grins, “I guess so!” he looks between you and the Diasmonia dorm leader, “Was I interrupting something?”

You quickly shake your head before turning to your fae friend. “I guess that surprise is ruined. I invited everyone to celebrate since I thought that maybe you guys would want to have a sort of ‘dorm leader’ celebration thing. Then the others showed up and it got a lot more crowded. Sebek, Silver and Lilia are here too, by the way. Honestly Grimm setting fire to anything was unprecedented but at least Ramshackle is still standing so….surprise?”

Malleus smiles before laughing, Kalim joining in as you covered your face with your hands.

“It is quite a surprise, to be fixing my own surprise party.”

“Right? There is no bigger surprise than that! Come on! I want to get everything started already!”

Kalim runs downstairs as you sigh and walk out of your room, Malleus following close with the small box in hand.

Whatever he wrote, he believed his Grandmother would be happy to see that he made such a wonderful new friend.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #malleus draconia #malleus x reader #diasmonia #twst mc #book requests

388 notes · View notes

writingsoftrash · 2 months

Text

Alice In Mechaland - Chapter One, Savior At The Eleventh Hour

An. A.I Artificial Intelligence/Gigolo Joe x OC fanfiction by sarsa

Original Author Notes 03/03/2020: yeah I have absolutely 0 explanation as to why I am obsessed/fixated with this movie or why I decided to write a self indulgent fic to give Joe a happy ending. (Well I say happy but it's, not totally happy WHOOPS.) I stopped questioning myself a long time ago.

If, for some reason, someone out there enjoys this. well, then. I did a good job at least. will it be finished? hell if i know.

like i said, totally self indulgent fic, is it mary sue? idk i don't care i wrote what i wanted to write

I've written like 9k words already, and I'm gonna split what i have up into chapters! hurray!

Updated A/N 7/27/24: tl;dr, crossposting the fic to tumblr. dunno if this will gain it a wider audience or not, idk. but surprisingly this self indulgent incredibly niche fic is one of my most popular fics on AO3 so why not! It's still unfinished, (and plenty more to go.) but I hope if there's any new readers - you love it as much as I love writing it.

| Next Chapter

Chapter One - Brought back from the edge of the world, ready to finally accept his death at the hands of his makers - Joe finds his words of distrust towards Orga's may, perhaps, not be entirely true of them all.

He was sitting in the cold, (not that he could feel it of course, being that he was made of nothing more than wires and gears,) police station, idly tapping his feet against the concrete floor whilst whistling. He knew, deep down- as many creatures did at these pivotal moments, that his life was nearing it's end, the handcuffs on his wrists harsh reminders of the inevitable fate that befell all mecha. In the back of his mind, he only wished that perhaps... David had fulfilled his purpose, and that he had helped the young mecha in his pursuit of the Blue Fairy.

His own purpose was about to be forever extinguished.

So Joe, also known as Gigolo Joe to the many patrons of the lover mecha, sat there, unblinking and resigned to the fact that he now knew, no matter how much he had tried to run, it would eventually catch up to him. He had escaped it once at the Flesh Fair, but fate did not slow down for mechas. It was always inching, crawling behind them, waiting to catch them and devour those who had dared to be created by man's hand.

The door swung open, and his pristine face swiveled to look at who was entering, who would be the one to hand down his sentence (death) without a single ounce of pity or wherewithal to question the circumstances on which he had been condemned.

"And I am telling you, to release him into my custody. He's not the murderer - the police in Haddonfield have the right man locked up and with a full confession. I don't see what's so hard about this."

If he had the capacity, the desire to blink in surprise, he would have, but instead he simply cocked his head exactly nine degrees to the right, and stared blankly at the blonde-haired woman who was arguing with the police man, and despite her diminutive size was able to keep up with the burly man's steps.

"Again, if you do NOT release this man-"

"You mean mecha?"

"...this MAN, into my custody, immediately, you are going to be so miserable with the amount of paperwork my firm's going to bury you in," she moved to stand between the officer and Joe, crossing her arms and tapping her heeled boots impatiently, and he could smell, drifting from her, the most delicious scent- and he could name the perfume instantly - Dior, he thought after briefly going through his list of common perfumes worn by women, before his eyes moved to her blonde hair. Had he not been handcuffed to the table, he swore he would have lifted a hand up to touch it gently.

"Look lady, you want to be responsible for him? Fine. You're right, he hasn't murdered anyone. But he still stole-"

"You'll find that my partner has already paid for the fines, next? Or can we stop this inane back and forth, and I can leave with him? Or is it your goal to be benched and investigated for gross incompetence?"

The officer scoffed, looking away - disgust apparent on both his face and in his tone, "Oh begging your pardon, miss. Sorry we didn't do our due diligence over one fuckin' mecha," he moved swiftly, clearly done with the woman, taking out a set of keys and unlocking Joe's handcuffs roughly and pulling him out of the chair before pushing him over, "Here you are, one fuckbot at your service, keep him out of trouble, you mechafucker. " The police officer offered one last laugh as he left, "I'll let YOU explain to him what happened, not my fuckin problem anymore. Weirdo..."

The woman watched as he left, nostrils flared with clear annoyance, jaw clenched, clearly attempting to stop herself from saying anything incendiary to the cop. As soon as the door shut with a SLAM, she spun on her heels to face Joe - her face that once held fury and contempt for the officer, became one filled with an apologetic look, "Sorry about that, some of these guys can be real jackasses for no reason. Um-" her hand extended out to him, a shy smile crossing her face, "My names Alice Capulet, lawyer with Capulet Law Firms here in Rouge City."

Joe tilted his head, taking the offered hand and shaking it, before bringing her hand to his lips to gently kiss the top of it as he maintained eye contact with the woman, "Why?" he asked simply, no other words or questions came up- just confusion settling in his wires as he was confronted with this Alice, who had just argued for his freedom so vehemently. He watched as the telltale sign of an emotional response to his hand kiss rose to her cheeks, blood coloring the skin as she flushed, pulling her hand away and rubbing it nervously with the other.

"Why did you save me?" he asked, "As the police offer so crudely put it, I am just... a simple 'fuckbot' though I admit, I would have preferred my actual name, and perhaps a more suitable moniker. Lover mecha, Sex worker. I am what I am, and I hold no shame... but-" he smiled, doing a small tap with his feet, and extending his hand out to her, "I am... the best at what I do, and none can take that from me. But I am... just a mecha. So, why?"

"Why what?"

A laugh was his response, as she shook her head, offering up a small smile, "...How about I answer as we get out of this place?" she asked, moving towards the door, "You've been released into my custody, and you don't have to come with me... you're free to return to your work, if you'd like. But, if you'd like to... recharge so to speak, I've a free room in my apartment."

She beckoned him forth - this Alice - holding out her hand which he took, gently into his as she led him out of the room and back out into the free world, as a free man.

"I've many questions, but first-" he said as they moved into the bustling city of Rouge, "You insisted on calling me a man, not a mecha-" he moved in front of her, walking backwards with seemingly little care, "Who... are you exactly?"

"I told you, my name is Alice, and I'm a lawyer. And, I suppose you could call me a 'mecha rights' activist." she responded patiently, offering up a small shrug, "I um, do my best to help... people. You. People like you- ugh I hate even saying it like that, I don't mean to other you, so to speak. You're a person as much as I am, and you deserve the same rights. And, god- you were obviously framed. There were fingerprints, the husbands DNA, everywhere. Not to mention the goddamn security footage in the hallways and outside the hotel. Honestly, it had all the hallmarks of sloppily planned murder by a spurned lover- grossly so. Your client had been dead for hours before you even showed up. But per fucking usual, it was easier to blame the mecha then do even the smallest bit of actual police work."

"Mmm..." Joe stopped abruptly- moving to grab Alice's arms as she nearly tripped from the sudden stop. He took a moment, leaning in closely, faces inches apart, "And then... you decided to help me. Because you have a soft spot for mechas. What was the term he said again? A... mecha-fucker?" he nearly cringed at his own usage of the term, wanting to apologize for the crudeness- he knew the type all too well in his line of business - and this woman hardly seemed to fit the mold.

She shook her head, a blush crawling to her face again- "Please, it's- it's really not like that. I just- I don't believe in... the cruelty that mankind has stooped too. Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it and all that. It's even worse when you consider mankind gave birth to you all, and this is how we treat the children of mankind as a whole? I can't stand it-!" the words came out as a near yell- causing Joe to take a step back, head tilted as he studied her face.

Alice paused, embarrassment overtaking her face after the small outburst. She took a moment, a hand covering her mouth and hazel eyes looking at him silently for a moment before she wiped at her mouth sighing, "Sorry... I can get a bit heated. My point is, just because you're a mecha doesn't mean you don't deserve due process and all that fun human shit. You've just as many rights as any other creature on this godforsaken rock."

He stared at her, unblinking in the neon lights of Rouge City, face unreadable as the shadows and lights cast about his face and she shifted uneasily on her heels, before he broke into a raucous bout of laughter, hands clapping together- "Well then, however can I pay you back for your services? Did his words ring true?" A genial grin spread across his face as he leaned close- simulated breath tickling her lips, "Free of charg-"

She shook her head, laughing herself now as she ducked beneath his arms, "No. Not that I haven't heard of your famed services, Gigolo Joe... but, I would-" she paused, taking a moment and looking at his face carefully - and he felt... odd- under the scrutiny, wanting to take a step back and hide. There was no danger - it was not fear that he felt, just an odd feeling he could not place as she studied him, becoming uncomfortable with the thought that he could not logically put words to how he was processing the interaction.

"I don't want to take advantage of you. Or your programming. I know, I know that sounds... weird, coming from an orga," she said finally, eyes twinkling in the lights of the never-ending nightlife of Rouge City, "But, my reward is simply... knowing I helped you. That's all. I don't need anything else," she beckoned to him, smiling gently, "Now, did you want a place to stay or not? It might be best for you, there's still some issues that need to be resolved outside of your immediate legal troubles."

He stared at her again, simply stared, unblinking at this curiosity of a woman, thinking back on his words to David only days ago.

They hate us you know.

But now he was faced with one who did not, one who seemed to have no ulterior motives. Clearly not one of the mecha freaks, who jumped at any chance to take advantage of mechas in their fetishistic fervor.

I don't want to take advantage of you. What human had ever said that to him? It was almost absurd hearing such words from an orga - he was built for the sole purpose of being used, his purpose in life was to live as a comfort to humans. And yet...

He took one step forward, towards that ever gentle smile... taking her hand in his to let her lead him away.

Her apartment was, shockingly, normal - all things considered. Modest, with no mecha servants to be seen. A relatively simple TV, couch, table. Even the kitchen showed no real signs of extreme comfort that most humans had grown accustomed to in the age of mecha. Though he could tell from the outside that the apartment complex she lived in was likely expensive to rent, it was clear that the woman who had saved his head wasn't one to live the luxurious life that so many others in Rouge did.

He slid into the apartment after her, eyes still wide and unblinking as she switched on the lights, offering him a small smile, "It's um, not much. But it's home! I know you likely don't sleep, but there's a spare bedroom down that hallway. You can rest- or just, you know... um contemplate things, I suppose in there. If there's anything you need," she turned to face him, hazel eyes looking over him carefully, "Just... let me know. I'll do my best to get it for you."

He nodded slowly, still eyeing how quaint her apartment was for one described as a 'mecha-fucker', half expecting something to jump out at him, before turning on a swivel to look at her with a smile, "Can I not persuade you to allow me to take me into your bed?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as music began to softly croon out of him, before he took her hand into his, and twirled her around and into his arms.

"I- um..." she quickly disentangled herself from his arms, brushing her skirt off with a faint dusting of color across her cheeks, "L-Like I said, Joe- I don't- it's not- it's not that I don't appreciate it," she smiled at him gently, moving forward to brush at his lapels, "But, uh- If I were... to ever, actually, a 'fuck a mecha' as so many people accuse me of already," she looked up at him, moving to rub a smear of dirt off his face, "I'd want it to be their- your- choosing. I know it's... in your programming to offer but I just..." her voice grew soft, "I'd want you to do it for your own pleasure, not just because it's what your programming is telling you to do. Right now, this is just... what someone programmed you to want, and that's- I'm sure you are grateful, but there's more than one way to show your thanks, you know? I hope you're not offended... I don't mean to be rude, declining like this. But I didn't free you just so I could have sex with you."

He watched as she pushed herself off him with the same sweet smile that made him... was it uneasiness? Was that the feeling settling deep within his circuits? It was unlike any of the smiles that his clients had ever given him and it settled into his wires like the heaviest of weights upon him. He tilted his head swiftly again, cutting the music and crossing his arms as he stared at her, green eyes blinking as she continued.

"If you'd like, I can get your clothes dry-cleaned tomorrow," she said, taking down her ponytail and rolling her neck, "I uh, might have some clothes for you to wear, but- they're probably not anything you'd want to work in, so- I can grab you some things. If... you want to stay that is."

"I... am. I do. I think." he followed after her, "But you don't have to do that, I should have some units still stored in the bank-"

She laughed, shaking her head with a wry smile, "Uh, still working on that actually, friend. Getting the banks to unfreeze your accounts, and your agency to release you from your contract has been more of a hassle than getting the cops to free you. Ironic, because your agency was perfectly fine to let you rot in a jail cell or worse, but now that you're free... well. Those are the... other 'issues' I mentioned before. But- I promise, I'm working on it, and everything should be resolved soon, so, you don't need to worry!"

He moved in front of her, pale green eyes looking over her, studying every inch of her face for any tell, any possible subtle note that could reveal to him what game was being played- "What is the catch?" he asked finally, head tilted as he looked at her carefully, "I know I asked you before, and you answered but there is always, a catch... I simply wish to know, so it does not catch me off guard."

"There's no catch," she replied, giving a small indignant huff, "You need help. I want to give it. That's all there is to it, I'm afraid. I realize it's odd for a human to give a shit about you, and you're not wrong to mistrust my intentions. But- I do care. I have no intentions of tricking you, or stabbing you in the back- or worse. I'm sorry if it's so confusing... I just want to help you, you deserve to be treated just as any other man."

Just as any other man-

"N-Now, if you don't mind... I am... quite tired," she said, offering an apologetic smile as she moved past him, "So I'm going to catch some z's, but I'll set my alarm for early. We can go grab you some clothes and drop off your suit at the dry cleaners. I've got some errands I need to run anyway, so does that work for you?"

He nodded slowly, though made no attempt to turn and look at her- "Yes. Well, if I am still here in the morning, of course..."

He paused, waiting for her answer, waiting for some sign-

"...I hope you will be," she said softly, voice as unrelenting and without any trace of hidden motivation, "I know it's strange, and I know despite being programmed to trust humans, you're probably deep down wondering when the other shoe will drop. And you should be wary - especially after all you've been through. It's on me to show you that I don't mean you any ill will, trust is... earned, not given. But I do promise you, Joe. I just want to help. Really. I'm happy I was able to get to you before the worst happened."

And then her door was closed gently - and he turned to look at where she had been standing, eyes gazing at the now empty spot before turning to look into the room she had offered up to him to rest his wires in.

The moon was in the window, bright and shining unto him just as it had in the forest with David in what had seemed like a lifetime ago.

And it was still real - and he wondered in the back of his brain, if the woman behind the closed door was real or not as well.

After a moment, he turned to walk into the room that would be his, settling down in the chair beside the neatly made bed- eyes looking up into the night sky outside the window.

He had much to think on.

#gigolo joe #a.i artificial intelligence #gigolo joe x oc #gigolo joe fanfic

1 note · View note

jostepherjoestar · 4 years

Note

👑Hewwu Queen 👑 is it alright if I request DIO in part 3 meeting his descendant?. Like he basically had a kid accidentally in part 1 and now he’s meeting their great grandkid who looks allot like him and seems to not be fully human. Maybe he meets them at night since their family was traveling around the world and stopped off in Egypt where he found them maybe listening to music?

Since you write for DIO, is it alright if I request that he somehow meets one of his kid after they get into some time travel shenanigans. Maybe his kid has a stand that is kinda similar to his but they aren’t confident in using it

DIO aiding his helpless descendant

sfw / gn reader

notes/warnings: implied assault (on your great-great grandmother)

Another case of two anons thinking alike!! It was really fun to think about this and sorry for taking so much time to get to it :o I hope you’ll still enjoy 💖✨also the pacing is strange/fast (to me), but i felt it fit with how frantic i imagine meeting Dio is

Somewhere between irking Jonathan and wishing to destroy any respectful sliver of the Joestar bloodline, Dio had his own way of indulging and spending his time. Men, women; any creature he could manipulate to his will and suck the life out of to join his dark army was welcome in his dimly lit hideout to meet their fate. The self proclaimed god that had surmounted humanity took pleasure in playing with his food; leaving them in complete darkness, literally. He’d let them suffer in silence, hearing them whimper and regret their choice to ever step foot inside the wicked monster’s palace. But it was always too late.

Except for the very night Jonathan had decided to come spoil the fun and ruin Dio’s playtime. The woman hadn’t meant anything to him, just a toy to play with and to later discard on the pile of other bodies strewn about. Was she glad to have been saved by the burly Joestar? At first yes; brought back to her senses, out of that monster’s grasp but left terribly violated. Left to carry and care for the offspring Dio would never know or care about, too busy being left to slumber in the ocean and gaining a new form from his hated ‘brother’.

Dio rose again, skulking in the shadows of dimly lit cities, looking for any and all petty humans and stand users to claim for his side. It took time and patience he didn’t know he possessed to get fully comfortable in his new body. There was always this inkling, a nagging sonar that kept getting louder and louder, not much unlike his connection to the new generation of Joestars. It grasped at his thoughts, kept him from any semblance of peace of mind -as much as he could acquire it- and there seemed to be no way of silencing it. He couldn’t see a clear picture; it was just nothing but an annoying sense of something being near.

He had searched for weeks like a bloodhound hot on a trail, irritated that he of all people, nay creations, was being made to follow and be obedient to the terrible nagging. It angered him greatly and only when he found a mere youngster sitting on a bench, you, a simple looking human, did it boil over. Sat with your walkman resting next to you on the wooden seating, head bopping along to your newest cassette in the middle of the night. Completely lost in the song you’d been drumming along to with your fingers. Dio was furious but knew better than to strike before investigating, he needed answers and he needed them now.

As he got closer to you, sneaking from behind, he noticed an immediate shift. You were no longer alone. An image, a blur that became clearer and steadier and more live-like as each second passed; posing defensively, staring down Dio with a fire in your eyes not much unlike the tall blonde’s. Not for a moment does he fear for his safety. Even though The World is a newly acquired power it could easily wipe out a scrawny kid without even hitching a breath. He smirks, eyes cast over in shadow by the dim street light as he hears you pause your cassette player.

“Oh? Was I disturbing you?’ he mocks in a smirk, catching the way your eyes glint and the vaguely familiar image you awaken in him. Just like before he’s left to figure out who this annoying hazy memory is. His voice shivers down your very being, goosebumps taking over your skin; not sure if you had already missed your chance to run. It was like his glare fixated you in place, finger still resting on the pause button of your player while the other reached up to remove the flimsy headphones.

“You…” you barely get out the word. The accusatory tone you had tried to convey had watered down to a whimper. You had felt the connection too, something nagging at your soul and stringing you along until you’d finally found the source. “Me? Hah! No, you.” Dio slid closer, his steps so quiet and calculated that even though you couldn’t take your eyes off of him you swore it seemed like he floated. You swallowed thickly, the huge figure that excluded an aura so menacing only a meter away from you.

“So. Who are you and why was it so disgustingly annoying to find you?” he joked impertinently, amused by the way you clenched your jaw at his remark. “I could ask you the same.” a brave little spark still smouldering inside. “DIO. Now don’t make me ask again, you’re making me dreadfully inpatient.” He hadn’t felt the need to kill you, at least not yet. Dio was truly curious about your answer but by the looks of it you really didn’t seem to know all that much.

You begrudgingly gave him your name, in need of some answers yourself. The sound of your name didn’t ring a single bell, not a tick, not a clank. Nothing. Not a single step further to knowing anything. “Well it seems like you do have a stand. Maybe you possess a great power that might be useful to me.” that wicked grin on his face told you a little too much of his motivations. He reminded you of those Saturday morning cartoon villains. But still you felt compelled to listen, ignoring every single red flag.

Deciding to humour him you give out your stand’s name. “Trust me, we can’t really do much.” you huffed. You’ve only obtained your stand recently and honestly, it has been pretty shitty so far. You didn’t know exactly what it could do, it was just there. Any time you felt stressed or in danger it did come to your aid but it remained awfully docile. Their presence comforted you but you just knew it was capable of so much more.

“Are you a vampire?” The sudden question came out more surprised than Dio had hoped to let on. He regained his posture, opting to slide next to you on the bench with a swift move. There was something… off about the way you carried yourself that reminded him of himself and the other vampires he’d created. The question stunned you, your eyes that had already been widened in shock only growing more so. The way he had changed the entire conversation that had barely earned its start urged you to think quickly. “I don’t know.” you mumbled demurely. You really didn’t know. So many weird things had been happening to you lately that you being a vampire would explain a lot.

Your answer seemed to change the imposing man’s gaze and expression. It hardened a bit, his grin now slowly diminishing into a straighter line and his pointed brows resting down at a more natural angle. Even in this low light his image felt so familiar, like you were already supposed to know who he was but the memory remained hidden. Locked away for your safety. “You should feed. And don’t go out in daylight anymore.” Dio paused for a second. “Strange...” He pondered to himself out loud. He’s only seen a few cases like this, vampiric genes passed down through generations. For some reason he pitied you, as much as he could muster it. The unknown bond you shared felt too unusual to write off.

“What am I supposed to do?” you felt tears prick your eyes, trying your best to remain strong but you’ve been so tired. You couldn't confide in anyone, not about this. Tears started rolling, falling in thick streams down your cheeks and dropping onto your lap. Here you were, crying to a stranger named Dio about being a vampire and having weird powers. A bizarre twist of fate.

“First of all, stop crying. Then, widen your stance when you’re about to fight someone. I could have easily knocked you down with that flimsy imitation. Fix your posture while you’re at it. Call out your stand again.” He rattled off his demands quickly and flatly. Was he helping you? They were barbed complaints but it seemed like he actually wanted to aid you in whatever it was you were going through. You sniffled, wiping at your cheeks. You felt like a kid again; asking your parent for any reassurance when life knocked you down.

Dio actually offered a lot of viable advice, telling you about techniques to silence your steps, how to take someone down easily, to feed on humans within an inch of their life. You had asked him, just in case. You weren’t planning on killing anyone; a comment which made him scoff. That intimidating impression and overall feeling of having to bend to his will had lessened the more you talked to the blonde. He casually sat with you for what felt like hours. He hadn’t divulged into his own history, instead asking you about yours. He was still trying to figure out what this weird pull was.

“No one in your family has experienced anything like this before? Hmph. It seems to have skipped multiple generations then.” he was asking about your great grandmother and all the others that came before you. It could have occurred to them but you would have never known. “My family did come from England, though. My great-great grandmother fled in a hurry. We don’t really know why, Windknight’s Lot seems like an unusual place to frantically run from.” As soon as the small town’s name left your lips everything fell into place for Dio. His grin grew again, satisfied to finally know your connection to him.

Family.

One he made for himself, by accident, by a relation created on his own devious whim. Not that horrible Joestar bunch that kept ruining his fun or his horrible father that was but a faint minuscule memory. Something he did. It brought him even more satisfaction to know how perfectly in place it felt for you to be the one to develop these powers at the perfect time. His mind could have exploded with possibilities; a thousand ways to make you join his side. But it didn’t, he wasn’t sure that’s what he wanted yet. And he surely wasn’t going to tell you of your bond either, lest you get attached too quickly.

As you finished up and the early signs of a rising sun were starting to make itself known on the horizon, you were saying your goodbye’s. “Thank you for helping me. Truly, I- I don’t know how I-” you weren’t allowed to finish your earnest thanks. Dio knew you meant it, one of the only few truly grateful acknowledgements he’s ever received. “I’ll be taking over the world in a few months. If you feel so inclined to join, you know where to find me.” His lips curled into a smirk and he was making his move to leave you behind, alone on the bench again. Left to scramble for your stuff to try and stop him but he was already out of sight. “WAIT! I don’t know where to find you! You never told me!” you yelled into the empty streets, heart thumping out of your chest, hoping this wasn’t just a very elaborate dream you were caught in.

“Trust your instincts.” The voice felt incredibly close but so far away, like catching a falling snowflake; as soon as you grasped it, it just melted away.

#cozy request #dio x reader #jjba x reader #dio brando x reader #jojo x reader #jjba fic #jjba imagines #jojo's bizarre adventure #NOT INC*ST for the love of all that is good #DIO #sfw #gn reader

181 notes · View notes

froog-water · 3 years

Text

howdy y'all, again!

just quickly before the chapter starts, i wanted to say a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who reads this! i have received a lot of support for this thing (more than i had hoped) and i am beyond grateful for it!

again, if there are any mistakes in this chapter, just hmu and i will fix it. i am just tired rn :)

also, slight warning for the beginning of the chapter, there are vivid descriptions of blood and gore and death. but nothing really troubling past that ;P

be safe out there my friends and thank you again

Upwards Over the Mountain

(Bloodhound x Reader)

previous; Chapter 2

Winter is in full swing and the entire world is covered in a thick blanket of white snow and eternal cold. For the most part, you had forgotten all about Bloodhound and the stranger circumstance of your meeting. Because there was not much for a bunch of fishermen and farmers to do during the stagnant times of chill, your bar had become a most frequented hotspot for these idle workers meaning you had very little time to yourself. Busy hands kept your mind busy too and soon some, if not most, of that night had been pushed back to the recesses of your consciousness. It also did not help that they never took you up on your offer of returning to the bar. They retreated back into being merely a story to you, a faint memory of a person long moved on. You could hardly even remember if it had even really happened at all. Oh well, you supposed they had better things to do.

Early morning light was barely seeping in through your bedroom window when you managed to open your eyes. Groggily you yawn and stretch and slowly go to open the curtains. Greeting you was the pleasant sight of a land half-asleep, the sky a brilliant warm pink despite the rest being draped in an unimaginable freeze. Your breath collected as fog on the frozen glass and tentatively you reach out to touch it. It was a lovely morning indeed and it would have stayed that way had you not looked up into the sky.

In the distance, large birds circled. Tiredness shifts to dread as you adjust your eyes to try to get a better look. Those were no ordinary birds, you remark taking note of how large their bodies were and of the swooping patterns of their flight. Those were scavenging birds. And there is only one thing to bring scavengers out during Winter.

You dress quickly, putting on your best and thickest jacket and pants, before grabbing your hunter's knife and bow. Andante was a man of many talents, most of which he passed on to you. One of those talents was his hunting skills. The summer before his knees went, was spent mostly out in the heart of the wild woods. It was an interesting experience, to say the least, and though you were nowhere near what could be considered good, you understood the basics of the hunt and of the weapons you wielded and you knew how to read signs. Signs like scavenger birds circling in the sky. Signs like there was something dying.

Into the snow you run without much of a second thought, your head locked upwards as you follow the shapes of the birds eyeing their next meal. What confused you most about this strange encounter was not the presence of the birds themselves, but the proximity that they were to you and the rest of the town. This was wild country, home of beasts and lands untamed and untouched by man’s iron hand. That much you knew, encounters like this were commonplace if you dared to leave the safety of human comforts. But you were not out in the uncomfortable forest which meant that whatever had caught the bird's attention was either very far from home or of a more concerning matter.

You edge into the outskirts of the white forest, the trees around you nothing more than empty sticks bearing only wind and ice. Overhead, the birds caw and swoop and through the boney fingers of branches, you can see that they are getting lower. You had to move quickly before they did. As you go deeper in, approaching what you assumed to be the border of someone's field, you hear something. Faintly, carried on the morning breeze, was the mewling of an animal. Your pace quickens and quietens as you zone in on the source, painfully aware of how loud the snow was underfoot but pushing on regardless. The relief that you had felt at knowing it was not a person in danger eases some of your mounting anxieties and offers you momentary strength to continue on in pursuit. If given the choice, you would have gladly left whatever animal lay in wait to its own devices, you had no business intruding in on their affairs - your presence would only bring them distress no matter your intentions. But something about this situation told you otherwise and guided your feet to where you would most certainly be needed. On the outskirts of a clearing, you spot something and crouch behind a leafless brush.

There before you, not even 20 meters away, was a fallen elk. You swallow down your gasp and try to focus over the noise of your beating heart, which becomes only louder as you start to take in the entire situation. The animal has toppled over a wired fence of some farmer's land, its hind leg still entangled and bleeding from its restraints, held high above the rest of its body at an uncomfortable angle. From its bloody mouth, it screamed weakly, puffs of dying hot breath escaping with the haunting noise. Your first guess was that this misdirected elk had simply gotten itself stuck in the fence, a most unfortunate event but not entirely implausible, but upon closer inspection at the rest of its heaving body, your guess died on your tongue.

Horrible, long gashes run down the length of the animal's side, pooling blood into the snow around it turning white to red. Its powerful neck was sliced deep in odd places and one of its front legs looked twisted or broken. This creature had not done this kind of destruction to itself - it was attacked. By something. You slowly turn your head around to scan the morning shadows of the forest clearing for any glowing eyes of an animal on the hunt. But there was no predator to be found. There would be none of course, because if there was such a predator here, then why would it not have killed its prey by now? Animals do not find enjoyment in torture and no man, you hoped, would ever do such heinous crimes to such innocent life. For now, at least, it was only you and the elk and the circling, hungry birds.

The elk cries again and you notice how its kicks have become lethargic and stifled by freezing joints and waning energy. It was suffering. Without much debate you ready an arrow in your bow, pulling taut the string with trained proficiency. You whisper to yourself a prayer, hoping that it would only take one arrow to kill the poor thing. You line your aim up, try to cease the shaking in your hands and shoulders, breathing deeply. Your arrow flies prematurely and misses its target, rather than piercing its skull you instead strike it in its neck, right behind its ear. The thing wails, although much softer and with more subtle movements - you must have hit its spine. Seizing the opportunity, you rush forward, ignoring the lurching of your stomach and pulling out your knife. Without a moment's hesitation, you drive it deep into the elk’s heart, right to the hilt of the blade. A little excessive, you deride, but a necessity given your previous inability to finish it quickly.

The thing stops moving. The pained cries fade off into the cold wind. You are left alone with your thoughts and the smell of fresh blood. Beneath your hands the elk lay motionless, its beautiful, soft fur a gentle texture against your trembling form. Andante had made sure that you had killed a few animals before he had honored you with a knife of your own. Still, experience did not dull the sharp sting of shock nor quell the rising weight in your chest. It was suffering, you reminded yourself, lightly dragging your fingers down the side of the animal's large and strong back.

These elk were beautiful creatures, graceful and nimble; they pranced through the wilderness in powerful, delicate strides showcasing the ultimate wonder of the natural world. You had encountered a herd of them once, all the while mesmerized as they strode past your hiding spot without a care in the world. It was quite distressing to see one now crumpled and lifeless. Emptiness sits heavy in your chest and though you know you are not going to throw up, the pressure erupts and you fall to your knees. A red hand clasps the arrow lodged deep in the neck of the animal and sharply pulls it out. You blink hard but cannot stop the tears that threaten to burn your eyes.

It was an animal. It was suffering. You did the right thing.

From somewhere behind you, the softest snow crunches, and your pity party abruptly ends as you draw another arrow and spin around. For a few tense seconds, your fingers quiver around the bow’s string, ready to shoot down if you so dared it. You only hesitate when you finally recognize the figure.

Bloodhound quietly raises both their gloved hands, fingers spread apart in an unarmed, peaceful gesture. You remain poised a moment longer until your eyes start to prick with new tears and you are forced to look away. You drop your arrow and turn back around to the elk, furiously trying to wipe your face with the clean sleeve of your jacket. Now, this was a predicament. What god had you spite so hard to deserve this kind of cruelty? True embarrassment blends with your established disgust and you fear now you may really throw up. Here was a true hunter, a beast born in blood and forged to kill. And here also was you, wallowing in pity. If only you could sink into the floor.

You can hear Bloodhound approach and soon feel their impending presence standing right next to you, taking in the sight of the poor thing on the ground. No one spoke, only the wind dared whisper in the dead world around you. The silence was stretching on for far too long and you knew you had to break it before it became too uncomfortable.

“I’m…” You sniffle hard, trying to force strength into your voice knowing full well that you had very little left to offer. You cough and stand up straight. “I’m not going to do you the dishonor and assume this was your kill.” You say, your voice somehow managing to sustain itself despite your state. Bloodhound does not respond right away, instead, they remain motionless, eyes scanning every detail of the elk and committing it to memory. You shake loose the last of your unstable emotions and grab ahold of your knife again. You move to the elk’s tangled leg and set to work cut free the wires.

“You cry for the animal.” Bloodhound finally speaks, sounding more like an observation rather than a question. With your attention focused on your task, you manage to answer in a more steady and calm attitude.

“Yes.” This was your admission of guilt, not just to Bloodhound but to yourself as well. God, how pathetic you were. “Yes, I cried. I know it is natural. That this is how it is meant to be but,” You hesitate, your lapse in concentration misguiding your knife and almost slicing the tip of our index finger. “This is not a hunt nor a kill. This poor creature was driven away from its home and family and pushed to our borders by some deranged and cruel beast. This is not natural. It was not killed to feed mouths. It was tortured. And it died confused and alone.” The leg snaps free from the wired fence and you wipe your blade clean on the snowy floor, ugly red stains being the only reminder of your deed.

“There is no shame in veeping.” Bloodhound murmurs a brash reassurance and kneels down, tracing their fingers from the elk’s wounds. “Vhat did this?”

“My guess is,” You state taking a step back and allowing Bloodhound to proceed with whatever they were wanting to do with the body, “A few years back, an illegal trading ship hit a bit of trouble just beyond our planet's frontier and had to quickly dump its cargo on the East mountains. Some of that cargo was the creatures we call ‘Shrieks’. They are alien to this ecosystem but even though they are terribly small and their numbers were minimal, they dominated the local wildlife - killing not just for food but for fun. The town’s people tried to cull some of their numbers but,” You explanation stutters off and you hastily take in a sharp breath, the icy air burning your nose and lungs. “Well, they could not get them all. It appears now that they are growing in size again. And in courage.”

Bloodhound does not respond, their attention wholly directed at the study of the animal. You wait a moment longer, the adrenaline of the moment finally ebbing off and allowing the freezing cold to seep into your bones. You shiver and wrap your arms around your body. Bloodhound stands, all the while their attention remains downward.

“You can leave it there.” You say, passing one more glance over the body before averting your gaze elsewhere. “If you want nothing from it, leave it for the birds. They could use the meal.” As if aware of their mention, the still-waiting scavengers call loudly from the tree-top. A raven answers with a caw and you look around to find many black birds scattered around the clearing. The birds do seem to follow their raven stranger everywhere they went. The wind howled through the desolate forest and you grimace upon thinking of returning to your empty house with such a shallow heart. The smell of blood lingers cruelly to your clothes, reminding you of what you had just witnessed. You had to think of something to keep your mind off it, thinking of your act for people, play your part until you finally were normal again. But your bar would not be open until at least noon and there was no one else who would be willing to distract you.

“Did you track it all the way here?” Your voice breaks the silence, your mind subconsciously switching to your more charming persona. They do not answer immediately.

“I sensed distress and followed its blood.” They weren’t giving you much to work off of and you shuffle in place.

“Then I suppose you will need a ride back?” This garners their attention and they turn to face you, the nerve of being under their masked gaze still sending jolts up and down your spine.

“I cannot accept your generosity again.” Bloodhound tries to talk you down but you scoff and lift a hand to silence them.

“Please, I won't be needed until lunch and I really don't mind.” Your tone successfully managed to hide that you had a third reason to be so insistent - you just hoped that they could not see the desperation in your face. They could. They take a moment to consider your offer, whatever expression lay under their mask you would never know. The raven to their left caws and they turn to look at it. It takes off after a final noise and Bloodhound lowers their head back to you - some secret understanding passing between bird and hunter.

“Then,” Bloodhound motions for you to lead the way, “By all means.” Though strained and almost painful, your first smile of the day pulls at your lips and you turn around to walk back to your house.

Bloodhound, as bizarre and strange as they were, never afforded you the opportunity to truly draw a defined picture of their personality. Wrapped so totally in mystery and gear, your perception of them was created on a flimsy base of shadows - beyond what they portrayed on T.V, you knew nothing of. But in the frozen forest of that Winter’s morning, something changed and you felt your world flip upside down onto its head.

Bloodhound was a lot more talkative on the way to their cabin than they had been the first time. Or any time really that you had interacted with them. It had started with you asking them the simple question of how they managed to track the injured elk and although their initial answer remained vague, a tangent soon manifested and from there the spiral began. To your utter surprise, and mild enjoyment, they proved themselves to be a great storyteller and had many wonderful and whimsical tales about their Gods and hunts that had made the drive over to their place seem almost too short.

“Most people stop me at this point.” Bloodhound commented, drawing a snicker from you as your eyes were glued to the ice-capped road ahead.

“Well, most people are not here. And I am very much enjoying myself. I love stories.” You could not see it, but your response brought a cracked smile to Bloodhound's hidden face.

By the time you had reached their cabin, they had entranced you in a tale about wolves and the true essence of the hunt. Though you thought your morning could not get any more surprising, Bloodhound steps out of your truck and extends an offer to share warm drinks with them inside. In the heart of Winter, you could not resist the temptation.

The interior of their cabin was much as you expected - totally unpredictable. It was like a bear and a machine had a fight, a complete subversion of everything you had come to know as normal. On the floor was a multitude of animal rugs, the couches too were draped with the furs of Bloodhound’s past, presumed, victories. Yet despite the clear aesthetic for ruggedness, a definite sense of modern order was showing through. The fireplace was quaint in its design but unmistakable retro. The furniture too, the chairs and tables, shelves and windows, were all of a very contemporary era. A perfect combination of the comforts of the past and the conveniences of the present. But all and all, the only word that came to your head when you first stepped in through their front door was - cozy.

Bloodhound leads you through their small cabin, past the living room, and into the small kitchen. They motion for you to take a seat at the wooden table in the center of the room and you marvel at the smells and sights around you. Hanging from strings draped across the walls were various herbs and spices and on the counter in bowls were fresh fruit and vegetables. They must have visited the town if this was their food supply and you feel a twinge of apprehension pluck at your light mood. You brush it off as Bloodhound asks if you would prefer tea or coffee.

“I find myself the one in honor of sharing breakfast with you this morning. Fair varning must be made, however,” Bloodhound extends a steaming cup towards you, “I have been told I am not the most accomplished of hosts.” You smile gratefully and take the cup into your shivering hands. The drink was shockingly and terribly bitter and you barely manage to hold back your gag at the first sip. Bloodhound snickers at your reaction and produces a tub of honey for you to add to your drink. “And that my tastes are mostly unagreeable.”

“Oh please,” You wheeze weakly after drowning your taste buds in the soothing honey, “This is nothing. Besides, I assume that, with your choice of isolation, you don’t particularly want to be anyone's host.” Bloodhound hums at your comment, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with it. They pull up to the opposite chair and take a seat and you notice how their drink has a straw in it.

“I am not entirely opposed to indulging certain people. And even fewer dare to give my delights a try. Therefore I rather keep them to myself. I do, however, give special heed to those vho show interest in my stories.” This draws a smirk from your lips as you bring the hot liquid up to your mouth for another sip. Content silence passes through the room and you focus intently on the warmth now spreading through your hands and to the rest of your body. “I did not think that anyone vould be out on such a morning like this.” Bloodhound admits, causing you to slowly look at them and lower your cup.

“Most are too old or too busy to take time out of their day to notice these things, or to even care. And I do not do well in the cold. Today was a special exception.” At the mention of the temperature outside you quickly raise your cup to your mouth and down another gulp. When you open your eyes again, you finally notice the bird in the room who had before blended so seamlessly in with the other oddities of the kitchen. Sat on a perch made of carved wood to the left of Bloodhound was their signature raven. It tilts its head at your attention, letting out a meek calling before eyeing you up and down. Bloodhound must really like their raven friend if they were kind enough to invite them inside. The sight alone was enough to bring a bemused grin to your chapped lips and Bloodhound watched it all happen in mild fascination.

“Do you often listen to birds?” They ask, breaking you out of an almost trance and extending to their raven a piece of freshly sliced apple.

“It is not so strange.” You breathe a laugh, “It was what led me to finding you in the rain that first evening.” Bloodhound turns their disk-like lenses towards your face and wordlessly implores you to continue. Despite the warmth now residing in your bones, you still shiver under their daunting gaze. “Your friend I mean,” You motion to the raven who has also turned to look at you with its beady, brown eyes as if aware that it was the topic of conversation, “Its cries were all I could hear. Which is saying something, considering it was storming pretty hard.”

“I do not think it skrýtinn.” Bloodhound replies without missing a beat, their voice mellow and their words an alluring symphony of strange syllables, a true joy to listen to. “Just an uncommon trait in most people. And his name is Artur.” You pass the bird a look and slightly tip your head in acknowledgment of his name. He squawks and fluffs his chest feathers, clearly enjoying being the center of attention. Bloodhound smiles at the bird. “Ravens are the messengers of the Allfather. They guide and aid me on my hunts. I do not think it skrýtinn to listen to them. Only that someone else does also.”

“You give me too much credit.” You bashfully avert your gaze, dropping your eye level to the rim of your mug no longer steaming. “It has only been a few, very odd occasions. Mere coincidences if nothing else.” Bloodhound shrugs off your deflection, unpersuaded by your argument.

“Even so.” The room falls into a content stillness after their last comment and you are left wondering how you had even ended up here. On T.V, Bloodhound was a truly mysterious character, never talking or partaking in the more rowdy activities as the others did. Sure, you were not an avid watcher, but from what little time you had spent gazing at the screen, you had made Bloodhound out to be a vastly stoic, isolated person. And by all means, they had mostly proven themselves to be exactly that person, what with their initial reluctance to meet your extended friendliness and the way they had so precariously placed themselves on this mountain all alone. However, sitting now with them in their own house, you did not feel intruding or unwelcome. And the way they spoke to you, the ease of words and conversation, came as soft and comfortable as if from someone you had known before. From them, you could feel nothing but gentle amity.

“Do you hunt?” Bloodhound’s voice wafts through the air and to your ears, bringing your head up in a hum. You snicker, a twinge of embarrassment pulling at your chest.

“Not if I can help it. Though Andante did try, I simply cannot,” you inhale deeply through your nose, suddenly aware of the gaze trained attentively on you, “Find the strength to actually kill anything. Much to the dismay of my patrons.” This peaks Bloodhounds attention and they motion for you to explain yourself.

“Every year around the beginning of Summer, before the birth of the first lambs, the town gathers for a sort of Summer festival. With my bar being the sole provider of food and alcohol for such an event, it normally fell upon Andante to supply the people with a freshly killed elk. A make-shift banquet we would all share. Everyone has so much fun.” Your head drops and your shoulders give inwards.

“But with him gone, I doubt I would be able to give the people what they want. Last year I barely managed to scrape by, I had to do a lot of ass-kissing to get the more hardened townsfolk back on my side. But this year,” Your story fades and you sigh miserably, the relief of finally expressing this concern aloud only seeming to momentarily dull the growing sense of shame.

“It is stupid, I know.” You run a hand through your hair, the bubbling self-hatred in your stomach threatening to go overboard. You were oversharing again. A lot. But you could not find a way to stop. “But, what right do I have to take the life of an animal when I already have frozen meat stored in my fridge?” Strength wanes from your knees and you are glad to be sitting down - oh, you were definitely going to kick yourself over this one later. Perhaps staying at home all alone would have been the better option after all.

In the silence that followed your last words, you felt incredible judgment bare down upon your shoulders and you wanted nothing more than to shrink away from it. Under the menace that was your own self-scrutiny, you were unable to recognize that Bloodhound was not, in fact, judging you. From behind their goggles, they watched you closely, noticing the subtle shudder of your shoulders, the downward twinge of your head, and the way your eyes seem to have lost that burning. This was something that troubled you deeply and for a terribly long time as well. So instead of what might be predicted of them to feel or do, mainly berate you for your lack of spine in the face of their profession, Bloodhound only leaned back in their chair and their mind wondering on how best to help you.

“It is not about vhat is right or vhat is not.” Bloodhound finally speaks, their tone mellow and coaxing you to look up at them again. At your acknowledgment, they continue with their explanation. “The hunt is a matter of vill - the vill of the hunter and of their prey. If your vill as a hunter surpasses that of the prey's vill to live, then you have every right to take it.” They ball their hand into a fist in an expression of power, shaking it slightly for emphasis. “You as a hunter must have an unwavering ákveðni, and strong belief in your skills. Trust your veapons and abilities, know that you are verðugt of the hunt.” Their voice lowers and they watch you for any signs of apprehension or disagreement. You only manage to look at them, eyes an unreadable ocean of something at war. They bring their fist to their chest and hammer it hard on the fabric, an attempt to ignite passion from you.

“If the hunter is humble and honors the hunt, then they have every right to taka their prey. Reap their rewards. You must just believe yourself vorthy of it. I have already seen that you have the ability and skill. Your bow, through troubled, aimed sure. And your knife brought a swift death. Now…”

“Just need to practice it.” You finish their statement, your gaze drifting a thousand miles away. Sure their wisdom was easy to take, generous even given the circumstances, but your mind was too frazzled to digest even a single word. Worthy? Not someone who hides in the forest and plays pretend bar-keeper. Bloodhound could see how you hesitated at their words, not necessarily rejecting it but not truly considering them either. They felt the urge to lean in more, to keep talking and chipping away at your pseudo mask until finally, they struck home. What were you thinking right now? Why were you so disgruntled at the thought of being worth something?

“You listen but my vords are not heard. You disagree vith vhat I say?” Bloodhound asks, their arms folding over their torso as they sit themselves upright, alert to your every movement and utterance. At their question you stir, a tired laugh that sounds more like a sigh escaping your nose and your eyes dropping their gaze.

“No, not at all. I am just… surprised.” Your response is framed with quiet complacency, your expression shifting to one of meek placidness. Bloodhound could tell that you were retreating back inside yourself, falling behind curtains of a trained profession such as the first night they met you. No longer were you that desperate person standing in the woods over a kill they mourned, instead you were a fake silhouette of someone who once was. They frown, unsure why they felt so unhappy to watch you shrink away again. Without speaking, Bloodhound asks you to elaborate.

“Forgive my rudeness but,” Your eyes snap up again and Bloodhound sees nothing in them. “I don’t really know you. And what little I do know, well, is that you are a most proficient hunter of both man and beast.” A hand lifts to your chest and you laugh. “You have seen it all and must think I am most annoying. Yet,” You pause, Bloodhound hanging off every one of your words, “You are so kind to my troubles.”

“I do not hunt in the Apex Games to prove anything. I do it for my folk and for the Allfather. I am no better than any other hunter.” Bloodhound speaks plainly, their heart thumping in their chest and their stare never once leaving your face. You smile unknowingly under their attention and they stare at your weak imitation of the real thing. Your true smile was the one they saw whilst sitting on the grass with you or when they told you stories in the car. Right now, you were faking it. Pulling away from them. Returning once more to your charade of sensibility. Whatever genuineness they had somehow managed to draw out of you was waning and they could do nothing but look on as you slipped away from them.

“I didn't mean to offend.” You ease them, your words lacing themselves with accommodation. “Your people must be very proud of all your titles however. No denying that it is impressive regardless of your motive.” You chuckle lightly. Suddenly you frown and you tilt your head at them. “May I ask,” When they did not oppose, you continued, “Why are you here? On this planet I mean. Why are you not with your people?” Bloodhound looks on like a marble statue, hardly even breathing beneath all their armor. You worry you might have overstepped your boundary and you open your mouth to apologize but they quickly cut you off.

“My folk vould not understand my decisions. Nor vould they approve of most that I do.” You can tell that the conversation was over and the warmth your bitter, hot drink had offered you only minutes earlier faded with the atmosphere. You nod in resignation.

“Then,” You say, standing and bowing your head in anticipated gratitude, the raven stranger’s attentive gaze not once shifting off your form, “I look forward to the Winter when I do not hear your Artur's call.”

“Oh my sweet, gentle Bar-keep, I am in need of your assistance!” Your eyes snap upwards from their work of stacking away cleaned glasses and you cannot help but grin at the one calling you. Seated at a table in the middle of your bar was a very drunk Thomas waving you over in exaggerated and hurried movements. He rocked backward in his seat and nearly looked as if he would fall over. You sigh and think it better to listen to him, lest your bar never know quiet again for the remainder of the evening. You step out from behind your bar table and carefully stroll over to him, a playfully condescending expression plastered to your face. Thomas beams a lop-sided smile and extends his hand, which you ignore and instead pat him lightly on his shoulder. He hums and overlaps your hand with his own seemingly unperturbed by your refusal.

“Ah my dear,” Thomas hiccups, swaying slightly in place despite being perfectly still, “Do not worry. I have not called you here to cause trouble. I just could not bear to see you stand behind your bar so lonely. I simply had to call you here. So troubled and worried over something.” Thomas squeezes your hand lightly and you roll your eyes at his obnoxious and misplaced concern.

“Though his words are slurred, they come from a genuine place.” From across the table, the farmer Mallory spoke. She offers you a sympathetic smile and silently apologies for her friend’s unruly behavior. Her heavy arms fold defensively over her large chest and she scowls at Thomas who sheepishly chuckles under her glare, retracting his hand and shrinking away slightly. Mallory sighs and looks to you again, the same concern that claimed her companion now sprinkled into her brown eyes. “You look a thousand years away tonight. What has upset you so?”

The two patrons turn their attention onto you and you gently shrug off their worries with a mild hand wave and flash of your smile. “You are looking for smoke signals when there is none, Mallory. And Mr. Thomas, you are concerned over the wrong things. You should be more concerned about returning to your own home before it gets too dark and I have to phone Rohan to come fetch you again.” Though the woman remains unmoved by your deflection, Thomas scoffs and shakes his head.

“Rohan’s bed will stay warm regardless of where I am. And he would excuse whatever lateness I cause if he had also seen how,” he stutters, his fingers flexing as he tried feebly to grasp at words that would not come, “ sad you look tonight.” You let out a tired laugh at the drunk fisherman’s antics and punch lightly at his shoulder.

“I assure you, my ‘sad looks’ are merely just that. Looks.” You gesture to the various empty beer glasses scattered around the table and after a nod from Mallory, you begin to place them on a tray to take back to the kitchen to be washed. “How ever could I be sad when I have your fine company to make my evenings so noisy?” This draws a cackle from the bitter woman, who relishes in your pecking at the man. Thomas gasps and feigns hurt under your judgments, a teasing hand placing pitifully over his broken heart.

It was all a lie, of course. There was some deep sincerity to your sadness that evening and it was not over Thomas’ painful crooning. Try as you might, your mind could not rid itself from the events that had occurred only the day before. What had happened with Bloodhound plagued your every waking moment. During the more lively hours of the day, when your bar was packed with singing, intoxicated patrons, you thankfully had a very loud and engrossing distraction. But now, as the evening winded down and the last table still waited to be cleared, your mind was awash with bitter thoughts.

It was all going so well, they had been so welcoming and friendly and you sat in their home confident and assured. They had shared in you their many stories and experiences, pulling you deeper into a conversation than you had ever been with them. And yet the moment you opened your mouth, allowed it to run unchecked and unguarded, the walls came down and the party ended. You were a fool, you kicked yourself. A damn, stupid fool for allowing yourself to speak so freely. To express to them a most sensitive part of yourself that not even your bathroom mirror had known. It was because of your inability to keep yourself in line that caused the rift to tear and now separate you from the person of your interest. Bloodhound told you such wonderful stories and now you were sure they would never want to speak to you again.

But you put on your brave face and pretend as if nothing is wrong. And that is true, of course. Nothing is wrong. Your life was fine before their intrusion and it shall be fine thereafter. The show must and will go on. Eventually, forced routine will become natural again and you will slip back into ease and complicit quietness. You will learn to move on and most certainly, so will they. If ever, you doubted greatly, you even left that much of an impact on them and all their glory.

“It is because you are so lonely, that's why you are so sad.” Thomas chimes, drawing both yours and Mallory’s attention back on him. He hums with content and leans back in his chair, sure that if he had a beard he would be stroking it thoughtfully. “We must find you someone to work with. Someone you can boss around and pull on their ear.” He winks at you and you smirk back, playing into his needful childishness.

“This is not the dark ages, Mr. Thomas.” You tease, taking your loaded tray to the bar counter and speaking over your shoulder. “We do not arrange marriages anymore.” The fisherman jeers and Mallory kicks him under the table. You return to them quickly, bringing with you a wet cloth and a glass of water requested by the woman. She presses it to Thomas’ face and commands him to sober up.

“Then how else are we supposed to get you hitched?” Thomas continues, paying no heed to the violent death stares of the woman sat across from him. Mallory kicks him again and he nearly spills his drink from the movement. You grin at the two of them, stepping back from the freshly wiped table with your arms folded over your chest.

“People don't need to be with others to be happy. I am perfectly content with myself as company.” You announce with your nose pointed in the air. “And you, as occasional annoyances.” The man chokes on his drink and Mallory snorts at your comment. You decide to continue playing along, matching their extended friendliness with your own enthusiasm.

“Y’know, I always thought it a vile rumor that fishermen were mad people.” You joke, taking the cloth and wringing it out before throwing it over your shoulder. “Nothing to do all day but sit in boats and think. But with every word you speak, my dear Thomas, I begin to believe that the rumor has some truth behind it." This arouses a snicker from the woman farmer and she shakes her head in amusement over you and disappointment for her friend. Thomas whines a noise that does not sound like any language you would know and Mallory leans forward.

"Finish your drink, my friend. I will see you home tonight." She urges the glass of water to his attention. "I cannot bear to watch you be torn apart any longer." Thomas darts his eyes between Mallory and you, his mouth opening and closing wordlessly like a fish out of water. You smugly smile at him, charming with all the beauty and grace of a snake. After a moment he relents, slumping down into his seat with a defeated huff, the water glass in hand.

“I swear, that mouth of yours,” Thomas moans into his glass weakly as if greatly wounded on a battlefield, “It is more vicious than any beast I’ve come across. Godspeed to anyone who dares to try to face such a monster.” At his last comment, you exhale loudly through your nose and shake your head dismissively. With one final look from Mallory, you leave the two late-evening patrons to finish their drinks and return to your work behind the bar.

The mood in the bar is somewhat lighter now and your hands worked at an easier pace with your mind quietly wondering over Thomas’ words. This was not the first time you had been scolded over your sharp words and you were sure it would not be your last. Conversation was your master and you were always one quick with your words, whether that be for the better or worse. Over the sound of you wiping down plates and glasses with a cloth, you could hear Thomas and Mallory talking faintly, the wind whispering outside your walls, and the gentle nothing of the world beyond. It was a peaceful evening, much more so now that you had dealt with your rowdy patron and the thoughts that curled like rats in a drowning cage. Though his comments were unnecessary, you thank Thomas for his distraction and for his unwitting lifting of your spirits. At least now you would be able to sleep soundly and with less of a worried mind.

Suddenly, a knock at the front door. Curious, unsure if it had even happened, you cast your attention over to it. It was far too late for anyone wanting to pop in for a drink and even if it was you were sure to turn them away. But still; there was no denying that you had, in fact, heard something. Or someone. Wordlessly, you slip out from your bar and quickly stroll to the door, pulling it swiftly open to reveal a cold night and a strange visitor.

“Oh,” You mumble, blinking numbly like a star-struck owl. You shake your head and revive your best smile to be planted on your lips. “What a lovely surprise.”

Standing before you, Bloodhound tipped their helmet, specks of accumulated snow falling off in the process. “Good evening,” They respond formally.

“And to you.” You nod back, familiar shivers running up and down your spine as you stood under their gaze. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” You swoon, curling your words with over-exaggerated sweetness so as to hopefully hide your utter shock at their being here. They always seem to have a knack for popping back into your life when you least expected it. But now of all time, why?! You could hardly even look at them straight after what had happened not even the day before! Fresh embarrassment boiled in our stomach and you wanted nothing more but to go back into your quiet existence. This had to be some cruel dream from a most hateful deity, cursing you out for some horrible act you had unwittingly done. Why could they not just go back to being a figure on the T.V, an unknown? Why did they have to be here, standing before you, talking to you?!

“I vish to speak with you.” Bloodhound says, voice terribly low and near-emotionless. It caught you off guard slightly at how plain and devoid of anything they sounded, nothing at all like the passionate hunter you sat and drank with yesterday.

“My bar will be closed soon.” You explain after a moment of debating on what to say. A strong part of you begged for an excuse to say no, the refusal even gracing the tip of your tongue in eager desperation. But your hospitality overrode your anxiety and you stepped to the side to allow entry into your bar. “If you do not mind waiting a few minutes then you will have my undivided attention.”

Bloodhound considers your words, eyes darting between your face and the warm interior of the business. They too notice how your own words seem guarded this evening, jaded behind bars of entertainment and false care. You smiled, yes, but it was not genuine. Again, you reeked of fakeness and it irked them for some unknown reason. They hum their agreement and stride quickly inside. Upon their entrance, two faces turn to look at them.

You shuffle between Bloodhound and the skeptical table, closing the door and guiding your new patron over to the bar. They follow closely behind you and seat themselves on a red cushion stool. You resume your position as host and perform your duties accordingly, offering them something to drink while they wait. Bloodhound silently refused, only lifting their hand and shaking their head.

“I don’t think I mentioned it before,” You say, works trickling out like a spring in a dessert, soothing all worries with a trained presentation. “A while ago we had a fellow pass through our humble town who had a similar accent to yours. He was a swindler and tried to persuade me to purchase from him strange pickled meats and other strange things.” While you spoke, you resumed your wiping of the glasses and plates, talking over your shoulder as you worked in a most casual manner.

“Though everyone tried to steady my hand, he just was so compelling and I caved. And now I have, stored in the back for the foreseeable future, a bottle of the most potent alcohol anyone has ever seen.” Your face softens into a smile as you recall the memories of that night when a brave soul tried to drink from that poison. “Someone once tried and no one has since. Perhaps it is a drink you know?” You cock your question at Bloodhound, leaning over the bar table and grinning.

“Your intuition values you, but perhaps another night I can provide you an answer.” You take Bloodhound dismissal with grace and nod your head in swift acknowledgment. They were cold tonight, the very definition of stoic. Whatever they wanted to discuss with you, you could only hope would somehow be more lighthearted than this. From behind the hunter, movement erupts as the two patrons stand up.

“We are off, my dear Bar-Keep.” Thomas sings, waving a hand at you in an irritating manner. Mallory follows close as they make their way to the front door, her eyes practically burning holes into the raven stranger’s dead-straight back. She passes you a flash of a concerned look and you calm her down with a cool smile.

“Have a good night and a safe journey home.” You call after them, mildly glad that now your ears would know rest from the fisherman’s chanting. However, as his hands grace the front door’s handle, Thomas quickly spins on his heels and points towards you and your new arrival.

“Don’t you dare try anything with my Bar-keep!” Thomas threatens, standing with his hackles raised like a chihuahua to a bear, “If I hear that you have touched even a single hair, so help me I’ll-”

“Thomas.” Mallory punches the man's shoulder causing him to drop his ill-backed threat and wince in pain. Without a moment more, the farmer shoves the man out the door and the two disappear into the night with the door closely swiftly behind. You stare after them, the atmosphere suddenly seeming to shrink and grow cold as you become painfully aware of your aloneness with the hunter.

“They seem nice.” Bloodhound remarks and you are so stunned by their nonchalant attitude you nearly snort.

“It is a small town. Everyone here is like family.” You explain, turning to face those unreadable, immovable lenses. “Besides, I serve him beer. I get special privileges.” At this Bloodhound seems to stir and you feel slightly more room to breathe. Relax, it was just conversation. Don’t get carried away again and you will be fine.

The conversation halted, however, neither you nor Bloodhound knowing what next to say to break the forming ice that had started growing between you two. Though you wanted to know what exactly had compelled them to travel all the way to visit you on such an odd evening, you could tell that they were not ready to answer so instead you plucked random topics from the top of your head.

“Winter is moving slowly this year,” You begin, regaling the exact dialogue you had shared that afternoon prior with a patron and reusing it word for word, “No big snow storms as of yet. But that just means that towards the end of the season, Mother Nature will rear her true head and drive us all inside our houses.” You sigh and rest your elbow on the tables’ surface, your busy work of drying cutlery all finished and packed away. “Many people tell me, warn me in fact, that the late-season storms are the worst kinds. Impossible snow and hail and everything else to make the shit pie complete. And I thought the cold now is hard to handle. I have no idea how I’ll-”

“Stop that.” Bloodhound interrupts you harshly, their voice an almost growl as they sit behind their undecipherable armor. You are slightly taken aback by their outright force at the command, flashbacks to the first time you met them in all their rage reappearing in your mind. Bloodhound remains still, fists clenched over the table, shaking beneath the heavy red fabric gloves.

Though you cannot see, they squeeze their eyes shut in an effort to understand why, so suddenly, they were getting so worked up. Why were you just talking to them? So nonchalant and practiced - it felt as if talking to them was a chore. Some kind of business transaction or task that was only being done as a means to an end. But that is not what muddled Bloodhound’s mind, not your lack of genuine interaction, your quiet was not what drove them out of their house and to your bar this evening. What made them toil in confused agony, was why they even cared so much for your genuine company?

“What?” You murmur after a minute of stale silence, the wind picking up the rising atmosphere inside the bar and clawing at the windows to join in. The raven stranger does not respond right away, instead they fight with what words would be best used in this kind of delicate situation.

“Stop that.” They repeat their vague statement sternly, staring at you through their goggles with great intent, noticing any slight change in your features or body language. “Stop trying to sell me your company. I do not vant it.” At this you frown and straighten your back, confused beyond anything at what they could mean. You open your mouth to speak but Bloodhound stops you with a raised hand.

“You talk but there is no life. You smile but there is no light behind it. Do you think I am not worthy of your trueness? I have seen your true self but always you hide it. Do you think you are not worthy of enjoying yourself?” Utterly and so completely shocked at what was being said, you stood wordless with your face a mix between anger and bewilderment. Bloodhound watched you, eyes scanning up and down your form for any signs of egregious discontent. Why weren’t you speaking? Why weren’t you reacting in any way? Had their visit and accusations not even struck a nerve with you? You only stood there, placid and unwavering, like ice waiting for the sun to melt it.

“I have talked vith this free person, sat in silence vith them and felt þægilegt , calm. And I came here this evening because…” Bloodhound falters at this, unsure at what best to say when describing the reason they themselves still had no answer to. Why had they come here to bother you? Why had you not left their thoughts since yesterday, or even, since that afternoon on the grass? Why is it that when the world goes quiet and they stand still to listen, it is you who looms in the corner of their vision, beckoning for them to find you? In such a short time of meeting, somehow you had trapped them in some unforeseen and unbreakable cage - an ever-present urge to lean in more, to seek you out. But why, exactly, it was you of all people who had proclaimed that spot of interest, was a mystery that the Allfather cruelly hid from them.

“Vhat is it you vant from me?” Bloodhound lowly asks, their tone hollow and their demeanor stone-cold. Perhaps that was the reason for their spontaneous visit - to search for an answer themselves. To find out if maybe you felt at all the same way they did.

“Nothing.” The words leak from your lips like a whisper yet hold the strength and bite of a scream. Devoid of all anger, hostility, confusion, and regret, you gaze back at the raven stranger, “What ever could I possibly want from you?” And there it was - their answer.

“Now if that is all you came to ask me, then I must now say good night.” You motion with your attention towards the door, still shell-shocked over what had just transpired. Why are they so angry towards you? So taken aback by, what you were sure to be, great and comforting hospitality? This was the reason you had so ardently avoided opening yourself up to people, allowing yourself to talk unchecked often leads to situations where people get angry. And now Bloodhound was angry and you were sure you could never fix it.

The raven stranger slowly rises from their seat, tipping their helmet in a stiff manner before silently making their way over to the front door. This is how it will be, forever. You made a mistake, let your mouth have free rein over your conversations, and brought ruin to a person that made your chest ache. And as you watched them slip away into the snowy night, the only thing you can say was, “Have a safe journey home.”

#man i am aso tired #but i must post #for the horn kneeee #if you are reading my tags friends #thank you #i love you uwu #and i cannot thank you enough for taking time out of your day to read this hot garbage i post #apex legends bloodhound #bloodhound x reader #apex legends fic #apex legends x reader #bloth hondr

90 notes · View notes