#of course so i'm learning how to be more emotionally available but. i just need a minute. what the fuck.

[gffa]

I AM GOING SO FERAL OVER THE CHARACTER ARCS IN URBAN LEGENDS BECAUSE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. There are two stories that are written by different authors and complement each other in ways that hit for me JUST RIGHT because it ends up showing such an interesting portrayal of how complicated relationships aren't a single straightforward line in how they act towards each other. In "A Carol of Bats", Bruce is being grim and sullen, so Tim tries to get Dick to deal with him, but Dick says he can't, he's done that over and over, it never lasts, and ultimately he started sacrificing his own future to keep Bruce from being consumed by his past, that Tim needs to be careful with this, too. But then we see Dick went ahead and called Bruce anyway, he stepped back in when he was needed, and we see Bruce stepping back from the ledge, hugging a scared, hungry man from the mob, organizing a dinner for those who are starving--but more than that he also tells Tim (who gets him a present to try to make him happy), that he's already happen, that Tim being his son makes him happy, period. Then a different arc starts up and it's such an emotional follow-up, where "The Murder Club" has Thomas and Martha Wayne coming forward in time, disapproving of what's become of their son, and Dick stomping all over the sacred ground of Bruce's feelings about his parents, to say that they'll come around, once they understand what Bruce has done for all of them, what he's done for Dick specifically. And Bruce agrees! Even having just been emotionally sucker punched by his parents, he's come far enough that a three-minute speech by Dick Grayson where he refuses to not be important to Bruce, that's enough to have him step back from the ledge. It's almost easy in comparison to previous times! Because Bruce has been working on it! The whole arc is about Bruce having a chance to literally return to the past, to live a life with his parents, to be able to choose his parents over everything he's built--and he chooses the present. He chooses his sons and father figure, he chooses Alfred, Dick, and Damian.

And he acknowledges the burden that his trauma and poor mental health have put on them, Dick especially (though, Tim and Damian are part of this as well, and Jason had his whole arc earlier in the series):

AND I'M JUST??? LOSING MY MIND OVER THIS CHARACTER ARC?? I have no idea how intentional it was or if it was just two writers who actually get the characters, but that it's not a smooth path to navigate dealing with a man like Bruce, that there's always forward steps and backward steps, that there'll be progress and there'll be backsliding (because THAT'S HOW SHITTY MENTAL HEALTH WORKS, that's how emotionally complicated relationships work!), but they all get up and keep trying to do better for each other and themselves. That these two stories show an arc of Bruce slowly learning to handle his breakdowns better. That he lets them in faster, he reaches out himself faster, he holds onto them faster. It's not about turning their backs on Bruce, it's about saying that they can't make him be happy at the expense of their own lives, but then we see him literally turn away from the past for them, of course they're right there, they love him, they want to be here, they show up when he's willing to meet them halfway--and Bruce does. Because that's who the character is at heart, someone who is traumatized to hell and back, that trauma is often violent and ugly, but he keeps getting up and trying again for those he loves, for those he needs to be better for. That means sometimes he missteps. He'll misstep again in the future. People will have to take a step back from him in the future. But they'll all dust themselves off and try again because he genuine makes an effort for them, not just to save their lives, but to be emotionally available even when it's hard fucking work and he can't punch his way out of it. Bruce Wayne is a character that is at his most resonant for me when sometimes he's a shitty dad who then has to work to be better, that if he never mistepped, his character wouldn't have nearly the depth he does. This Bruce Wayne means the world to me because it's so hard to do this kind of work, so much harder than punching things, and yet he keeps doing it, even when it hurts, because his family deserves him to really try for them. And he does! He'll be an asshole again in the future, but when I say "Bruce Wayne is a good dad", it's because of this, because even in the middle of that 530 different flavors of fucked up trauma brain he has, he still says his kids' emotional boundaries and overall wellbeing and happiness matters.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Playbook: How To Deal With Insecure Friends/People

Make differentiation a top priority: Even after doing the necessary inner work to have a healthy sense of self, this reminder is sometimes needed. Do not internalize other people's problems like they're your own. They never become your problems just by listening to others' complaints. You can choose whether to allow these external emotions to dictate your mood or inner world. Think of their constant complaints like you're watching a TV show or reading an engrossing book: You're emotionally drawn to the characters, but always a voyeur – not an active character in the plot.

Establish, communicate, and uphold your boundaries: Be direct and remain calm when communicating the topics you're willing (or not willing) to discuss when you're available (or not) to speak/meet up, when you need to end a conversation, etc. You cannot maintain the capacity to support others without first prioritizing/taking care of yourself.

Remind them of their strengths and capabilities: Using this tactic is a great way to be a supportive friend without internalizing an insecure person's baggage. Insecurity is a byproduct of low self-esteem. While it will take some effort on their part, highlighting the person's strengths can be a motivator for them to start working on some of their goals independently or check in a little less frequently. Encourage them to take immediate action on a project, new hobby, conversation, new career or course opportunity, etc. they're discussing with you. Frame it with a script that includes sentiments like "you're so good at/talented with "x" skill or subject matter, you should consider enrolling/emailing a contact/updating your resume, right away to take advantage of this exciting opportunity."

Provide them a chance to self-reflect: If the previous strategy is unsuccessful, feel free to kindly help them self-reflect on their struggles. Calling out someone's bad behavior directly must be done with tact and compassion, so make sure to use a "compliment sandwich" (positive remark, constructive criticism, positive remark, or likely positive outcome that results from taking action on said criticism) and only call out the missteps in someone's actions. Never personalize the person's bad behavior as a flawed personality trait (e.g. Behavior callout: Your constant messaging is draining my energy while I'm studying/at work. I don't think I'm the right person to help you. Maybe try to research "x" matter to ideate some creative solutions first. vs. Personality callout: You're so clingy. It's so draining and unbearable. Why can't you learn to manage your dilemmas by yourself?). Encouraging someone to analyze their behavior can lead to a new level of self-awareness for a person. Criticizing someone's character is both antagonistic and unproductive – you're making their insecurity seem like an inherent, unfixable trait rather than an opportunity for growth, evolution, and acquiring a new skillset.

Offer them a resource for support: Send them a quick link to a website or social media page to redirect their attention and provide them a chance to help themselves. Guide them towards becoming more competent – it's the key to self-confidence, as you probably know through your healing journey.

Don't reach out: Plain and simple. Out of sight, out of mind (unless for some reason you have reason to believe they're a danger to themselves, of course).

As a last resort, make it a "it's me, not you" situation and part ways: Once you've established boundaries and attempted to redirect their attention or promote self-reflection, you've done everything you can as a supportive friend. If they overstep your stated boundaries and expectations more than once or refuse to stop asking you to overextend yourself, let them know that their demands are past your personal limits, and you cannot take the weight of their frustrations. A nicer way to frame this is to communicate that you need to take some space from the relationship as you're heavily focusing on certain goals in your life at the moment.

[canonicallyobserving911]

WIP Wednesday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 20 is already available on AO3 and Chapter 21 will be posted soon.

Currently 20 chapters completed: 757.3K Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

[Previous snippet from Several Sentences Sunday linked here.]

____________

I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 21 because there are only 7 days left until Buck and Eddie get married.

For anyone who hasn't read Chapter 20, here's a brief overview: Eddie completed his Paramedic Certification Course and he started planning a surprise for their wedding evening, night and the morning after. Buck asked his bio dad if they could meet in-person while they're in London. Eddie and Buck had an important early morning conversation about the way they'll make decisions for their family. They went to the Italian Consulate in Los Angeles with their two witnesses and now they have all the legalized documents they'll need to get married in Rome. Also, they tied up a lot of loose ends by verifying their 'To Do' Lists along with reviewing all of their documents.

Buck and Eddie will tie the knot before Christmas 2023 but they are NOT getting married in the U.S. and they won't have a wedding ceremony until May 2024. They've revealed their relationship, their engagement and the fact that they're going to Europe to their found family during the 118's Thanksgiving dinner (Chapter 17), to Eddie's parents, his sisters, his abuela and Tia Pepa (Chapter 18) and Buck told the Buckley parents he's getting married and that he has a son (Chapter 19). Only three people know they're getting married in 7 days and they are Chris, Carla and Malone. They told Carla and Malone (Chapter 19) because they asked them to be their witnesses at the Italian Consulate and they told Chris (Chapter 20) that evening after they got the "Atto Notorio" (Declaration) signed but no one else knows.

Now that Buck and Eddie have their signed Declaration and everything else is in place, will they be able to leave Los Angeles Friday afternoon headed to Rome, Italy without anyone else finding out they're getting married in Chapter 21?

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 21 of Buck and Eddie being romantically fluffy and intimate while they're in the loft for the last time.

__________

While he positions Eddie so that he’s standing in the same spot he stood in that night, Eddie raises his eyebrows at him but he doesn’t say anything.  Even as Buck attempts to recreate one of their emotionally intimate encounters, he notices they’re still in sync because Eddie automatically leans his back against the counter like he knows what’s going to happen next.

Buck shakes his head because other than the fact that the loft is completely empty now and they’re both a few years older, Eddie’s even more beautiful than he was back then.  The only major difference between that night and now in Eddie’s appearance is he’s not wearing his hair buzzed cut anymore.   

He leans against the edge of the island that’s directly in front of him and situates himself so that he’s in the same half standing and half sitting position he was in all those years ago.  He lowers his head, smiles then lifts it and gives Eddie the same cocky and confident grin he wore back then and it’s laced with a challenge just like it was that night in November 2019.

He knows he’s playing with fire but he’s ok with it because they’re engaged now, they’re getting married in 4 days and he’s 100% certain any challenge he presents in this moment, will be fulfilled on their wedding night.

Eddie tilts his head to the side and in a playful tone of voice, he asks, “My love, what are you doing?”

With a coy smile, Buck replies, “Surely you remember everything that happened the night after the lawsuit.  You know… it was right after Halloween.  We made up and I apologized for not being there for you and Chris.”

He fondly rolls his eyes like he doesn’t remember but the truth is he does except he doesn’t want Buck to know, so he questioningly raises one of his eyebrows and waits for him to continue.

“You were standing right there… um exactly where you are right now and you were holding your bottle of Genuine beer.  I was right here and while we were talking, I said, “I thought for sure that day in the grocery store you were going to take a swing at me.”  And then you said, “But you didn’t deserve it.  I wouldn’t do that… you’re on blood thinners.”

Eddie slowly nods, then he gives Buck a once over like he did that night as he looks at him from his feet to his head and replies, “I do and if I’m remembering correctly, I think you said something about taking me”.

Buck raises his eyebrows.  “You’re right… I did say that.  And I know I still can… take you that is.”

With a big devious smile, Eddie asks, “You still think so?”

“I knew then and I know now!”  He admits, then he stands up to his full 6’2-inch height, strolls over and stands next to his fiancé, looks him up and down with his hand where his belt buckle would be if he was wearing one and asks, “You want to go for the title?”

Eddie confidently chuckles but he doesn’t take his eyes off his fiancé. He raises up from the counter, moves so close to him that their lips are mere millimeters apart, he wraps his arms around Buck’s waist then he leans in and places a soft kiss onto Buck’s lips that makes Buck shiver.  He wants to feel him do it again, so he kisses him once more then he talks against his lips and says, “On September 2nd, I won something more valuable than the title to that video game.”

Buck already knows the answer to the question he’s going to ask and even though he’s breathless from simply looking at the love of his life, he whisper asks, “Oh yeah… what did you win?”

What did Eddie win on September 2nd and how is he going to respond to Buck's question? 👀

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be spectacular.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-20 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

Chapter 21 will be posted soon.

[tokiro07]

Today in things that drive me insane:

This whole scene

Mui speaking Chinese post-unification, implying she relearned a whole language that no longer exists just to talk to Shen

Shen, Feng, and Mui all have the same favorite food: Xio Long Bao buns.

I'm sure you know, but Mui enlisted Nico's help to learn Chinese! Nico transcribed a book on the Chinese language to help preserve it after the language unification, and I'm willing to bet did so with multiple other languages too! If Unforgettable can be used to learn martial arts, languages must be a snap!

I also spend a lot of time thinking about the implications of Feng's "truth from Untruth." At the beginning of the Summer battle, we see that Untruth can be used to make someone lie, with Shen forcing Mui to lie about her opinion of him to punish her for going against his orders. At the end of the battle, we see that it can also be used in reverse, with Mui forcing Apocalypse to speak when his intention was to stay quiet. As Untruth can be used in both ways, Feng's response is ambiguous and depends on his original intention. When asked if he thought of Shen and Mei as family, he could have intended to stay quiet or lie, which would making his forced response true, or he could have answered honestly, making his forced response false. I think it's safe to say that he wouldn't have said "of course I thought we were family" as a lie, so that option's out, so that just leaves silence and truth

I get the feeling that Feng's not emotionally available to admit or even understand if he did think of Shen as family, so the possibility that he was going to say that and had it negated into a lie feels unlikely, but at the same time I don't think he would be reserved in saying that Shen was only fodder to him. He wasn't exactly subtle about it, so why would he need Untruth to force him to say it? Feng's feelings on the matter seem to be fairly complex and nuanced, which is what makes the use of Untruth all the more difficult to decipher here. If there are multiple ways to make a response Untrue, how do you know which one to go with?

This is honestly the real reason I'm the most excited for the Hong Kong arc; I want to understand Feng's real feelings for Shen and Mei, for him to have the opportunity to redeem himself and be the father we all know he could be and that Shen needs him to be

And for him to try to make Fuuko Shen's new mom

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Hi! Happy lukewarm Tudum day, I hope you're having an okay one :) all things considered... If you're taking asks right now I'd love to hear your thoughts. I've been reading again about attachment styles (secure, avoidant, anxious, and I think another I'm forgetting right now) and it got me wondering about ST characters and how they might fit in these categories. I remember kaypeace21 mentioning attachment style in an old post (the one about parentification) but it wasn't a focus. Any thoughts? Thanks either way! ^_^

I haven't really been keeping up with Asks, to be honest. The past school year was very rough, as I keep getting additional responsibilities as I'm there longer (without decent pay, of course). Now that it's summer, though, I suppose I have no more excuses. I think I knew I'd never be able to just walk away from this community.

So, attachment styles. This is a difficult thing to really get into since we know very little about most characters' early childhoods. Attachment styles are rooted in the attachments developed with caregivers in infancy, though they develop from there. That is to say, someone who forms an insecure attachment in infancy isn't doomed to treat all social relationships that way forever. These initial bonds do often tend to influence later bonds, though.

This is going to be a long one, so the rest of the post is under the break.

The attachment styles you mentioned go back to the work of Ainsworth in the late 70s. She devised the Strange Situation observational experiment, which involved an infant child being introduced, separated, and reunited with a caregiver and an unfamiliar adult. Attachment styles are determined based on how the child reacts to these situations, demonstrating how much security they derive from their caregiver. What constitutes a caregiver can vary based on culture and individual circumstances, so it need not be a parent/guardian.

The four attachment styles based on this theory are as follows:

Secure Attachment: To the child, the caregiver is a secure base from which they feel safe to explore unfamiliar situations. The child is upset when the caregiver leaves, but the bond isn't damaged, and the child is fine when the caregiver returns. This is the result of a healthy bond between caregiver and child. Funny story, in grad school my classmates and I got a look as to what this might look like in dogs when my professor brought his dog to class. The dog enjoyed coming up to all of us as long as my professor was there, but he left the room for a minute to fetch something, closing the door behind him. His dog stopped sniffing around all of us and immediately went towards the closed door. My professor walked in a moment later, and the dog's tail was rapidly wagging. I'm not aware of any research into whether this theory holds for dogs or other animals, but it was an interesting thing to watch given that we just learned about attachment styles.

Insecure Avoidant Attachment: The child avoids the caregiver, interacting little with them, and not being upset (or even noticing) their departure. The child may avoid eye contact when the caregiver returns. The bond, if it was ever there, is not re-established on return. This is generally the result of a caregiver not being emotionally available to the child. It's can be, but is not necessarily the result of abuse or neglect, as an emotionally reserved caregiver can unintentionally withhold affection. These children often come to see attempts at bonding as being met with hostile or dismissive reactions. A child like this could grow up to see self-sufficiency as the only way to go, as they don't expect emotional reciprocity, and will avoid getting too close to people, favoring more casual relationships.

Insecure Anxious-Ambivalent (originally Insecure Resistant): The child becomes very distressed upon separation, clinging to the caregiver, usually while crying. However, upon return of the caregiver, the child resists reattachment, sometimes to the point of kicking and yelling. This can be the result of inconsistency in the caregiver-child relationship, resulting in the child being confused as to how to navigate it. The child essentially never knows when anything will be ok, resulting in great distress whenever a situation is unfamiliar. A child with this attachment style may be afraid of abandonment, and could continue carrying that fear with them as they grow up if the situation continues that way. They may feel unworthy of love and need regular reassurance.

Insecure Disorganized: The child appears confused and/or afraid. The child shows some aspects of both avoidant and resistant styles, but there's a marked difference in intensity. The child may actively fear their caregiver, and it can be a sign of an abusive caregiver and/or childhood trauma. As a result, there's a real lack of any clear pattern of behavior relating to the child's relationship with caregivers. Survival could be a matter of reacting to individual situations without any real underlying schema having been formed. A child with this type wants love, but has no idea how to get it.

I dare say that most of the cast probably has a Secure Attachment style based on their behavior in the show. There are some exceptions, however. I will not be trying to classify El, as her, ahem, unique socialization complicates matters.

Mike Wheeler: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he has an Anxious-Ambivalent style. He can be very emotionally reactive and sullen, and he does seem to have a fear of loved ones leaving him. This could potentially be the result of Ted's lack of emotional reciprocity. Karen was likely a very loving mother during Mike's infancy, but Ted being closed-off could have resulted in a lot of confusion for Mike. Mike gets clingy, suspicious, and jealous with loved ones when he suspects things aren't going well. This comes from his fear that he's not good enough for their love, and, as a result, he's deeply touched by Will's reassurance in the van, likely owing to his low self-esteem.

Will Byers: He's a tough one. He doesn't seek out relationships, which suggests Avoidant, but he has one loving parent and one asshole (later absent) parent, which suggests Anxious-Ambivalent. At best, Lonnie was emotionally distant, if not outright abusive. However, we know Will has great bonds with Joyce and Jonathan. I suppose it could be argued that there is still a lack of consistency, as a result of Joyce having to work a lot and Jonathan being a kid himself, but we don't know enough about how that worked in Will's early childhood. He does lack the emotional reactivity that goes with Anxious, though. I'm going to lean towards Avoidant, though, as Will does seem reluctant to get too close to anyone. His first friendship was with Mike, and Mike made the first move there. We don't know how he met Lucas and Dustin, but I can't see him taking the initiative based on what we know about him. He also befriended both Max and El because his friends did. He seemingly made no friends in Lenora, and, unlike El, he didn't seem to care much. His focus seems to be more on not losing his current relationships, particularly Mike.

Jonathan Byers: Insecure-Avoidant. He's very similar to Will, only he's had to serve as the caregiver for Will, which might complicate things. I'd say he's definitely Avoidant, though. He has no real drive to form relationships. His relationship with Nancy developed only because he spent a couple very traumatic weeks with her where they pretty much had to bond to survive. He did genuinely like her, but he likely never would have attempted to get into a relationship with her under normal circumstances. Now that he's in it, he's terrified. He's in too deep, and he has no idea how to handle that. He's afraid it's going to turn out like his parents' relationship. He's friends with Argyle, but it seems to be a largely casual friendship (up until recently, anyway). Argyle being an outcast stoner is probably what made him an appealing friend for Jonathan, as he doesn't have to worry about emotional closeness.

Steve Harrington: Insecure-Avoidant. We know he doesn't have a good relationship with his parents, who never seem to be around. He's confident and easy-going, likely the result of having to learn to fend for himself emotionally. He's had several shallow relationships, both platonic and romantic, owing to his fear of getting too close to someone. We only see him get close to three people: Nancy, Dustin, and Robin. All three of those relationships we can see Steve get antsy about being too close. He fears that Dustin is choosing Eddie over him. He was devastated by Nancy saying their love was "bullshit." And he's almost afraid as he confesses to Robin that he developed feelings for her. When he pushes through his fear, he's able to really click with people, but it always requires a real feat of courage from him.

Ok, I can't do anymore than that, I don't think. There's others who would be interesting to look at in regards to attachment, but, like El, have too many complicating factors. Hopper has had trauma in his past with Vietnam, his daughter dying, and his marriage collapsing. We don't know how he was growing up. Max has dealt with divorced parents and an abusive stepbrother, so it's hard to determine what might be the result of attachment style and what might be the result of her own traumas.

I do enjoy your thought-provoking Asks, though. I've missed doing these types of psych analyses, which is a bit ironic considering it's largely what I based the blog on when I originally created it.

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Gym Membership - Part 17 (Crosshair)

Summary: Crosshair tries to deal with the aftermath of Kamarie's funeral.

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

It's been a while, but I'm so glad to be getting back to this story. Thank you all for being patient and being amazing. I'm going to do Crosshair's and Omega's stories differently, they're going to be 1k parts, so it does mean their stories will be longer than the other but only in the number of parts, the word count will be about the same.

I'm almost done Omega's part, just one final one, and then this series will be concluded. However, for now we'll be enjoying the Crosshair section.

Love oo.

Warnings: Discussions of grief, confrontation, hiding (emotionally and physically), feelings of concern, mentions of funeral, death anniversaries, anger, pain, I think that's it. If I miss anything please let me know.

AO3 Link   |   Words: 1,254   |   PREVIOUS - -> NEXT

Gym Membership Master List  |   Main Master List

The first time Crosshair became concerned about Tech was when he refused to go home after the funeral, and decided to spend time at his place. His concern heightened when two weeks later Tech was still there and started buying groceries for his own personal use. He didn’t want to push, he knew Tech needed time to deal with Kamarie’s passing, and every time he was about to broach the idea of moving back, someone beat him to the punch, which only made Tech cling harder to Cross.

Now they were coming up on almost three months since Kamarie’s funeral, and in all that time Tech stayed at Crosshair’s apartment, he hadn’t even gone back to his and Echo’s place to get his clothes or toiletries. He simply asked Echo to drop things off for him, which of course led Echo to try and talk to Tech about coming back home time and time again, but he wasn’t hearing any of it. 

It became even more concerning, when the scientists at Kamarie’s lab tried to reach out to him numerous times with regard to the project they were working on with no such luck. 

The lawyers of her estate were doing their best to track him down to finalize Kamarie’s will, but even then he didn’t want to hear it. His logical, normal self was gone and all that was left was an emotional basket case who had read everything on how to deal with grief, but didn’t know how to actually deal with what he was feeling. 

Crosshair’s concern became overwhelming when he learned everyone had tried to talk to Tech about moving back to his apartment with no avail. 

Mel, Zaina, Wrecker, Hunter, even their uncle Rex tried to encourage him to go back, the only one who hadn’t said anything despite the growing concern was Crosshair and of course Sofie, but that was more because she didn’t feel it was her place to say anything. 

He understood it was difficult for his younger brother to deal with the grief he was feeling and he was doing his best to keep his nose out of it, but it was now five months since Kamarie’s funeral and Tech was getting his mail delivered to Cross’ house and no matter how much he wanted to stay out of it, he knew something had to be said. 

He was lost in thought, as he tried to figure out how he was going to broach the subject, how was he going to say what he needed to say without causing more harm. It’s at times like these, he wished he had a softer side to him … well somewhat. 

Cross glanced at his wristwatch, Tech was going to be arriving in a few minutes, and he didn’t have much time to come up with a game plan. 

His eyes focused on the photo album lying on the coffee table, he hadn’t been able to put it away since before the funeral. In fact, since he learned about Kamarie’s illness, and now that the anniversary of his first deployment to Afghanistan was around the corner, he seemed to have even less of desire to put it away. It also meant more death anniversaries were coming up and that was never a pleasant time for him. 

“Hey Cross” Tech’s voice pulled him out of his own misery before he headed down that particular spiral, he could hear Tech shuffling over from the foyer of the apartment.

“Cross?”

“Um, yeah?”

“Oh good, you are home. What would you like for dinner?” Tech’s disembodied voice flowed over as he was making his way to the kitchen.

Cross pulled his eyes away from the photo album, instead focusing on tracking where his brother was within in the apartment, “Whatever, I’m up for anything.” Although, after the conversation they were gonna have, chances are neither of them would be up for anything. 

“Understood” was all the response Cross received from his younger brother as he heard cupboards being opened.

‘Well there’s no time like the present’ was all Cross thought as he called him over, inviting him to sit down. Tech was a little thrown off, by the way Cross kept his eyes on him as he took his seat, even more so when Cross didn’t say anything immediately. 

“Cross, is everything ok? If you have something to say, then say it, otherwise I’m going to start cooking.”

“You need to stop” was all Crosshair could really get out. 

Tech looked at his brother, shock and anger crossing his face, “What are you referring to?”

Cross gave him a face that said they both were fully aware of what he was referring to, “You know what I’m talking about. Don’t act like you don’t have a clue.”

“I apologize, but it appears we are talking at cross purposes, to what exactly are you referring?”

Cross let out a frustrated sigh, “Tech, you need to stop hiding from your grief. It’s not going to help you or anyone else if you don’t deal with it.”

“I am not hiding.”

“Yes, you are.”

Tech leaned forward in his seat, his hands clenched in front of him, “Who are you to decide what is right or not right for me? You have no idea what we had or how much she meant to me, or what I dealing with everyday.”

“You’re right I don’t know, but you don’t even realize you’re hiding right now.”

“What are you talking about?”

Cross ran his hand over his head, “Tech, it’s been five months, can you even say her name?”

“Of course I can”

“Then do it. Right now. Say her name.” He kept his eyes focused on Tech’s, daring him to prove him wrong. 

Tech looked away, not wanting to keep eye contact with his brother “I have no desire to say it.”

“Really?” Crosshair tilted his head, “The woman who moved in with you after being together for only what was it, again? Three months?” Crosshair leaned forward in his chair, hoping he was doing the right thing, “The woman who you were in love with for two years before actually dating her? The woman who mesmerized you from the moment she said hello? Who was able to keep up with you beat for beat? That woman. That amazing, intelligent, beautiful, and incredibly wonderful woman, you have no desire to say her name?” Crosshair raised his right eyebrow showing his disbelief at his little brothers  statement. 

Tech took in a deep breath, as tears began to well-up in his eyes, he fixed his glasses pushing them back on his face, he felt a lump rising his throat, he cleared it away focusing on his older brother, “You …” he bit his bottom lip stealing his nerves, “You have no idea what I’m feeling.”

“You’re right I don’t know what you’re feeling, but I do know what I’m talking about.”

“How could you know what you’re talking about? You’ve never been in love! You’ve never had someone you wanted to marry, to spend the rest of your life or her life with!” Tech stood as his anger got the best of him, “All you’ve ever done is sleep around and before any feelings can develop you turn around and sleep with the next available thing that can keep your bed warm. What could you possibly know about grieving? You’re not Hunter, you’ve never lost a wife or a fiancee! You’ve never loved anyone!”

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[princess-dirt]

Long Rant, please ignore... or don't

Growing up, my mom would tell me how handsome I was, how I'd have to be careful with girls because of how many I'd have to deal with. She told me this as early as elementary school.

Of course, she couldn't have been more wrong. I grew up with undiagnosed adhd and likely autism. I had social anxiety and horrible self-image issues. I never cared how I looked, but hated how I looked. I was socially awkward and could barely talk to girls. That's to say very few girls ever approached me.

I was thinking about this, and only now have I really connected the dots. The patriarchy and heteromormativity of the world fucking sucks. Like I grew up and every good thing about my appearance that my mom would say never materialized. No wonder I suffer so bad from self-image issues. I had my mom pushing it down my throat that I should have a girlfriend, but also to be careful of girls, but also that they'd be all over me, but also that I have to make the first move since I was a guy.

I think the worst part about all of this is that when I was in high school, the lack of any romantic relationship really fucked with me mentally. I already had a pretty shit childhood, so it was frosting on the cake. It got so bad I fell down the alt-right pipeline and was a few months away from becoming an incel.

But I watched MLP. This show was the first time I was ever really taught empathy, and it changed my life. Fast forward senior year, and I've been experimenting with how I look. I have alt and queer friends, I'm learning about myself.

I spill my heart out to my mom about everything and how trapped and hopeless I felt about relationships. Like 20 minutes she listened to me. I was crying and desperate for any bit of advice from my parent.

"So are you gay?" My mom asks sounding almost annoyed.

Which leads to me begging her to listen to me and to take what I am saying seriously.

"Well, how do you think I feel?" She says now sounding angry.

This same conversation happens a half dozen more times. Each time I become more desperate for any hint my mom cares at all.

"You just need to approach them and be nice."

"You should try harder."

"Are you calling me a bad mother?"

"I didn't raise you this way!"

Now, both of my parents are brainrotted by Fox News. My dad is mentally ill while being the most toxic man ever, never being emotionally available for me ever. My mom still thinks I just need to try harder and that girls will just throw themselves at me. Her state of delusion is horrifying tbh.

It sucks because they will both die never having known their son. They'll die never knowing I use he/they, never knowing I'm pansexual, never knowing I crossdress, never knowing I cosplay, never knowing me, the pansexual nuero divergent femboy. And I don't feel bad over it.

I know my story about this kind of shit is way more common that I'd like. I've seen tik toks with very similar events I've mentioned with 100s of 1000s of likes and comments.

To think a generational gap could have such destructive consequences. My only solace for this is that I was able to overcome their horrible parenting.

It seems to me that as each day passes, the only way I'll remember my parents when they are long since dead is the mental scars they've left. I hate it, but I love my parents. They tried their best, but their best failed me and my 3 brothers horribly.

Anyways, back to watching Vampire Dormitory. It's a gay ass anime about some twink and a vampire.

Edit: finished episode one, the Twink was girl. I feel so betrayed.

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of the Best Paired Endings in 3H (Part 8: Manuela/Hanneman)

Hanneman: My sister is far from the only victim. Many noblemen have done the same to their own wives, and I despise them for it. So, my quest began. I would unlock the secrets of Crests, make them available to any who desired… If I achieved my goal, the nobility would be rendered obsolete, and my sister could finally rest peacefully.

Hanneman wanted to get married, but he always drove women away due to his life being consumed by his research and never being able to shut up about Crests. Unless you marry him yourself, the only other romantic option for Hanneman is Dorothea.

Manuela: My voice is a gift from the goddess. However, as all things do, it will decline with age. One day, I will lose that gift. And so I decided I needed to learn to survive without it, long before that day came. I needed to prove to myself that I can live on… even after my voice returns to the goddess.

Manuela is a more believable romantic partner. And she was in the same boat as he was because she felt like she'd spend her life alone, too. She felt like damaged goods due to her age and all of the unsavory things she had to do in the past to achieve her dream of performing in the opera. But she was a lot stronger than she seemed.

Hanneman: I see you act so irrationally, and I lose my wits. I care about you a great deal, and wish to see you safe. Will you believe me? Manuela: Yes, of course. I'm the same way, after all. I let my emotions get the best of me.

The writers sort of pushed these two together. Even their paralogue "Oil and Water" is shared with each other. The two always got into arguments and made up again, but it was precisely because of all their funny banter that I liked them together. They acted like they were already a married couple.

Hanneman: If we combine our abilities, housework would be conquered and dinner rendered delicious. There are other ways we could find to support one another, I would imagine. We might make a better pair than you think. You and I, together. Manuela: Huh. You might be on to something.

Hanneman bears the Crest of Indech, represented by Temperance. This arcana symbolizes the blending of opposites and the achieving of synthesis. It's about harmony, peace, and patience. Temperance brings a message of balance and moderation in all things. It is a card of collaboration, of trying to find common ground instead of forcing the will of one onto another.

Hanneman was right. There are even more ways they can support one another than just cooking and cleaning. They'd be able to support each other emotionally because they have a lot in common due to their pasts. Manuela is childfree. She cannot understand people like Alois who have kids, and when she has a baby with Ferdinand, she lives as a career woman and he is the child's primary caretaker. Hanneman is the last man who would ever value her for baby-making potential.

Manuela: Heh, it seems my longtime rival has taken his final bow before me. There is a gaping hole in my heart. Try as I might, I cannot rouse myself. I can almost hear him now: "Why are you so despondent? This is completely out of character for you." How I wish I could say back, "That's none of your business, you doddering old geezer!"

Their relationship is given even more prominence in Hopes where they both get their time to shine playing the hero for each other. When Hanneman comes to her rescue, Manuela even admits that she's into it. And Manuela worries for Hanneman before coming to his rescue. She is particularly grief-stricken if he doesn't survive. It shows how she cared about him much more than she let on.

Hanneman & Manuela After the war, Hanneman and Manuela held a grand wedding ceremony, to which all of their many students were invited. Later, as Garreg Mach came to be restored, the Officers Academy finally reopened, with a renewed focus on accepting students regardless of status. Manuela and Hanneman returned to work as teachers, almost as if nothing had changed, and filled the halls with their banter in the way only married couples can. Their relationship spawned a trend of romances among colleagues at the Officers Academy, but that is an entirely different story.

The two always argued like an old married couple. Might as well just become one. Nothing about their lives even changes when they get together. They maintain their positions at Garreg Mach and it's just business as usual. Hanneman can still continue his vital research to accomplish his dream and Manuela can continue being a surrogate mother to all her students.

[mentalisttraceur]

Y'all ever get just like, very jealously possessive of your followers?

No? Hopefully not, hopefully you don't have my emotional damage.

I, however, am blessed with the hell of occasionally slipping into a state of being validated/"fed" by a follower and attached to having them that way, so then seeing them interact with any blog I don't see as basically part of a very loyal-to-me/aligned-with-me in-group causes me to instantly emotionally be... like:

No. Bad. Wrong. Angry. Why would you betray me like this? How could you let them influence you? Tainted. Cannot trust again. At least not until proven that my influence is strictly stronger and takes precedence. Maybe I can scrub it out of you? What post or private interaction can I do to scrub it out of you!? How do I make you cleanly exclusively mine again? Why do you not see their errors and flaws? I do not like that you don't see how much Worse they are! (You might as well be on their side now. Part of their tribe. *shudder* Theirs. You will side with them. You will eagerly give them what I want or need from you, but not me, especially not if you had to pick. In the end you will go with them over me. I cannot trust you to do otherwise in any time that it actually matters to me.)

...

I think it's time to acknowledge that I actually have two root insecurities. The one I've already identified years ago and wrote about extensively, summarized as "when others are wrong, I am not safe", and what I've written out in that parenthetical above.

I think for a long time I kinda convinced myself that the latter only mattered because of the former... Or I just forgot about it in the focus on my other issues. But the latter truly does stand alone.

Because even without any of the wrong -> unsafe learned predictions/fear, it's there. My desire/need to bond is more fundamental/primal than assessment of wrongness or rightness. It craves the satisfaction of having people who I like and want reliably on my side and available for what I want with them, and it doesn't give a fuck if the person getting that instead is righter or better in every way so there's no unsafety.

In fact, it hates that. When someone isn't in wrong, not in any way at all, that is was the one thing that kept it from the only angle of resolution it had available for most of my life, due to

lack of genuine deep confidence (until very recently I did not believe/know I could be so attractive, good in the relevant ways, and earning of love/loyalty that I don't even need to worry about losing to others to the point of being left unfulfilled), and due to

me not permitting any of my selfish and unempathetic cognition any room to move for like a decade, since as a teen I went hard into being an ethics sperg to supply my narcissism needs through the moralistic path until just... like five years ago (which left no self-acceptable way to win except ethical merit or stuff compatible with it, which of course required pushing my ethics values/rules onto everyone else in the unacknowledged motivation to beat them at my own game instead of whatever actually made them more appealing than me to others).

Anyway, I guess I'm finally ready to see it this way, because I've worked through all the other pieces. I have embraced and integrated and accepted the all the selfish and not-empathetic-enough stuff in me as valid parts of the whole that I should let influence things, so I am free of the internal hard-line stuff that was getting in the way of even seeing myself clearly. But more importantly, I now have the confidence, I have the axiomatic self-worth core and the evidence that I can indeed get everything I want.

[hornygamesonmain]

Quickie: A Love Hotel Story

It would be easy to take a look at Quickie: A Love Hotel Story and file it away as a pretty, sexy, hotel/dating sim that's just good for some anime-style smut, which, for the record, it definitely delivers. What I wasn't expecting was an emotionally engaging story with well developed characters and mature storytelling, all built around a surprisingly fun and easy strategy mini-game.

Steam Release: December 2021 Developer: Oppai Games Playable On: Steam, with an additional Patreon Release Rated: M 🌶🌶🌶 - explicit animated sex scenes, mature themes, etc. A management sim in the style of Fallout: Shelter, you build and expand your sex-hotel empire trying to get as many customers as possible through the door, all while making sure they have everything they need to fulfill their many and varied sexual whims. From there you take their money and funnel it into more sex hotels across Tokyo, buying gifts for your girlfriends, who you can then take to your new and expanded sex hotels. The cycle of capitalism continues!

When you're not learning everything there is to know about the hospitality industry, you're going to college (like, once or twice, technically), and hanging out with various friends, acquaintances, and inappropriate hook ups all around Tokyo, playing games and getting to know each one so that they'll have sex with and/or fall in love with you.

Quickie manages to include a variety of different stories to scratch a variety of different itches, each character having their own unique backgrounds and desires. If you're not into hot professor stories, great not a problem. If you're a fan of friends-to-lovers and want to stay in that lane, you've got a couple of options. And of course, there's plenty of smut, including a handful of non-cannon scenes available through the love hotel, just in case you weren't finding exactly what you were looking for.

The game is definitely still in Alpha, with a bunch of content still unfinished and the occasional weird bug, but overall I left super excited to check back in a year and see how much progress has been added.

Final Score: 15/10 Robot Vacuums

Bonus: Oppai Games has some super adorable merch? I'll be honest, I've never been more tempted to rock a sex-game studio's adorable pink hoodie. There's also a cute Satomi body pillow if you're into that, but I'm holding out for my girl Aria. <3

[waltwhitmansbeard]

on the topic of vaxs reaction to kashaw flirting with keyleth, I can't confirm if a flashback was before that scene or not cause I'm too cowardly to rewatch that episode rn but my brain immediately connected the dots to, Vax taking note of keyleth not needing him either, despite how much he desperately needs her.

ok but like the thing i love most about vax (and friend there are so many things i love about vax) is how unabashed he is about how much he needs people. he is not ever afraid for the world to know how much he needs his sister, how much he needs keyleth, how much he needs gilmore, how much he needs vox machina. he is not an idiot, he knows full well that the more people he depends on, the more opportunities there for them and him to get hurt, especially in their line of work, but he is never going to let that stop him from depending on them anyway.

and it's always reciprocal! he is just as emotionally available to them as he asks them to be for him. he's a drop-everything-and-drive-you-to-the-airport, listen-to-you-rage-about-your-dumbass-coworker, pick-you-up-off-the-bathroom-floor kinda guy, because all he wants is for you to be that for him, too.

of course, the thing that vax needs to learn, eventually does learn, is that needing someone looks different from person to person. vex lives out a long life with a husband and children and a city that she loves, and she is happy and successful and independent, but i don't think anyone would ever accuse her of not still needing her twin brother, even all those years later. keyleth leads her people, advocates on behalf of the downtrodden, becomes a major political figure on tal'dorei, but she needs that raven every day all the same. he engendered in them the same need for him that he feels for them, it just doesn't necessarily manifest in the same way. needing someone doesn't have to be desperate and clawing. it can be a bench in the woods, it can be a bird on your shoulder. and the heartbreak is that vax learns this just in time for him to be taken from the people who need him most.

[femmefatalevibe]

How to Stop being friends with someone that’s insecure? I’ve worked so hard to build up my confidence and I realized my negative thinking had come back more than usual after being with this friend because they’re complaining or comparing themselves to me saying I’m very confident and just always overthinking and I always have to soothe them in their thinking and it’s exhausting and rubbing off. I worked so hard to be the best I can be loving myself, I really appreciate this friend but, I can’t do this. Plus they would like to hang out more and more and if I’m busy they’re ok but seem bothered if I say oh I wasn’t going to hang out cuz something came up but - then instantly they would be subtly offended. They also asked me to do a project with them that I agreed to, and now I’m like.. oh no how do I get out of this entirely? I hope that makes sense?

Hi love! So glad for you that you've done the work to establish high self-confidence! Always remember that people's insecurities give you insight into what they believe they lack themselves. These behaviors are a reflection of their own inner turmoil and have little to nothing to do with you, your behavior, or your life choices. Here are my tips:

How To Deal With Insecure Friends/People:

Make differentiation a top priority: Even after doing the necessary inner work to have a healthy sense of self, this reminder is sometimes needed. Do not internalize other people's problems like they're your own. They never become your problems just by listening to others' complaints. You can choose whether to allow these external emotions to dictate your mood or inner world. Think of their constant complaints like you're watching a TV show or reading an engrossing book: You're emotionally drawn to the characters, but always a voyeur – not an active character in the plot.

Establish, communicate, and uphold your boundaries: Be direct and remain calm when communicating the topics you're willing (or not willing) to discuss when you're available (or not) to speak/meet up, when you need to end a conversation, etc. You cannot maintain the capacity to support others without first prioritizing/taking care of yourself.

Remind them of their strengths and capabilities: Using this tactic is a great way to be a supportive friend without internalizing an insecure person's baggage. Insecurity is a byproduct of low self-esteem. While it will take some effort on their part, highlighting the person's strengths can be a motivator for them to start working on some of their goals independently or check in a little less frequently. Encourage them to take immediate action on a project, new hobby, conversation, new career or course opportunity, etc. they're discussing with you. Frame it with a script that includes sentiments like "you're so good at/talented with "x" skill or subject matter, you should consider enrolling/emailing a contact/updating your resume, right away to take advantage of this exciting opportunity."

Provide them a chance to self-reflect: If the previous strategy is unsuccessful, feel free to kindly help them self-reflect on their struggles. Calling out someone's bad behavior directly must be done with tact and compassion, so make sure to use a "compliment sandwich" (positive remark, constructive criticism, positive remark, or likely positive outcome that results from taking action on said criticism) and only call out the missteps in someone's actions. Never personalize the person's bad behavior as a flawed personality trait (e.g. Behavior callout: Your constant messaging is draining my energy while I'm studying/at work. I don't think I'm the right person to help you. Maybe try to research "x" matter to ideate some creative solutions first. vs. Personality callout: You're so clingy. It's so draining and unbearable. Why can't you learn to manage your dilemmas by yourself?). Encouraging someone to analyze their behavior can lead to a new level of self-awareness for a person. Criticizing someone's character is both antagonistic and unproductive – you're making their insecurity seem like an inherent, unfixable trait rather than an opportunity for growth, evolution, and acquiring a new skillset.

Offer them a resource for support: Send them a quick link to a website or social media page to redirect their attention and provide them a chance to help themselves. Guide them towards becoming more competent – it's the key to self-confidence, as you probably know through your healing journey.

Don't reach out: Plain and simple. Out of sight, out of mind (unless for some reason you have reason to believe they're a danger to themselves, of course).

As a last resort, make it a "it's me, not you" situation and part ways: Once you've established boundaries and attempted to redirect their attention or promote self-reflection, you've done everything you can as a supportive friend. If they overstep your stated boundaries and expectations more than once or refuse to stop asking you to overextend yourself, let them know that their demands are past your personal limits, and you cannot take the weight of their frustrations. A nicer way to frame this is to communicate that you need to take some space from the relationship as you're heavily focusing on certain goals in your life at the moment.

Hope this helps xx

[ducknotinarow]

💭 for Karai: Technology, Flowers, Regret, Change, and Dreams

| 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼 — send 💭 + a topic to receive a headcanon about said topic.

Little thing before getting into this mainly because her foot!Casey version is by far more develop my answers for this are in relation to that au primarily. I'm sure it can be easy to say what applies to her over all but I felt like it wouldn't hurt to add this in.

| Technology |

"If even those bumbling idiots can handle a piece tech with out blowing it up of course I can."

I would say karai is tech savvy but only with intended uses. Let me explain Karai is shown to be able to work well with computers and a lot of tech even quick to taking to it like the voice modifier used to trick the turtles. She can do basic stuff that can help on missions both foot related and personal. However, she isn't someone who knows a lot about websites. But she works well with tech even seeming to in the least get an understanding for how krang tech seems to work as she was able to mess with the bots and bring one back to the Foot's hide out to show to Shredder.

Karai shows a need to have all the facts before making a move. She doesn't want to go into a situation blind. So she is good about recon to get blue prints and such or scooting out a place before she enters. Far from being rash or reckless.

For personal use? Feel free to mock her because she doesn't know how to do things like save a picture of her phone.

| Flowers |

"Thier pretty but they don't have much use."

Karais favorite flower is Jasmine

In many cultures, the jasmine flower are a symbol of hope, purity, and spirituality, and is often given as a gift to bring peace and happiness to the recipient.

This also was her mother's favorite flower, which is why she loves them. She always has fresh cut ones in her room by a photo of her late mother. She dosent know much about her mother her father hardly ever gives her information about her so she tends to cling onto any information she can manage to get her hands on a out the women.

Because of this, Karai also has a big soft spot for those who have lost their mother as well. It's a pain she can relate to but also nkt because she never got know her own so she can only imagine the pain of another. Giving away her more sympathy side away. And yes this did come up when learning her adoptive siblings lost thier own mother. Though say this dose reflect on how she acts towards Angel the most seeing how she likes to brush and style her sister hair.

For casey it's mkre why she soon starts to lighten up with him and sometimes is why she has her own weak spot for her older brother. Well aware of how much he has lost and her willingness to help him keep from losing more.

| Regret |

"...Casey"

This can sound bad out of context. Her regrets are all around her older brother. She regrets not being nicer to him. She regerts not being there for him. Or how he needed her to be. She regerts not being able to protect him. She regerts not letting him know she loves him and how much she generally counts on him and even looks up to him. Maybe if she had been just a bit more emotionally available, Casey wouldn't have felt so alone. Or felt expandable. Or been a victim to rhier father.

Karai is seen as cold and calculating and well she can be this way. It comes more fron her not being able to let down her walls to be emotionally open or vulnerable. As stated her feelings about her own mother can also be a major weak spot for her. And she's not meant to be weak.

Of course she cares and loves Casey. They tount and tease each other and it's something she generally needed growing up. She is unaware how this seems to be taken by Casey at times. And thought it worked the same both ways. They can joke with each other because they are close to each other at least she assumed they were.

Funny enough Casey's the reason she can at times stand up to Shredder as she dose time to time. Casey is also the reason Karai decides to turn traitor herself. Because Casey is the one who always looked out for her filling in the void in her own life and he would have been the reason that too would have been gone.

Don't think she dosent hold some upset feelings towards Casey though. She always believed they were close thar they had each other's backs learning Casey never seemed to see it that way? That dose in fact hurt her a great deal but more because it shows how's much she failed someone she relied on so much. It's why she has to make it up to him.

| change |

"Becoming a snake has had a lot of side effects."

Her mutation into a snake has certainly effected her a lot but she has an advantage in that she is able to shift back and forth to a human appearance and her snake. How ever staying her snake state may offer her better fighting advantages and such it can effect her mind and make her lose her humanity. She dose still keep some of her abilities in human form such as the her venom which she can even spit out

At first her change was a lot to handle not to mention being turned into a brain wash captive by her father to control her didn't help. She now holds a fear of having no control so she tries not to stay like that for long. If she exceeds her personal time limit she can start to become frantic and tries harder to end a fight.

But change also can be in other places like hiw her life changed when Caeey and Angel became part of her life. At first she wasn't the biggest fan of this change but now? She dosent think she could go back to that life. Where it was only her. But she will for them, Angel needs to be safe too soon as she can Karai will be asking the Hamatos to take in Angel because she can't risk Angel getting caught up in the mix of things to come as she turns against Shredder herself.

Karai knows change can be a good thing so she hope this applies to the foot.

| Dreams |

"Are for fools."

And Karai by this logic is the biggest fool of all.

She holds on to a few herself, questioning many, knowing that you can't only simply dream for something to happen.

But she has a drive behind her new dream, and she's willing to do whatever she can to make it happen. She wants to take the foot Clan from her father. She truly believes the clan can be changed under her lead. Though that's going to tougher then she thinks considering how loyal the clan is to her father and many follow his rule as thier law. Killing her father may nit be the end if the issue buy she's willing to think doing so will give her family peace at last.

[clovenh00ved]

I love my mother but it's been such a kick in the head realizing that she has been emotionally abusive and dysfunctional to me my whole life and i've just been making excuses and brushing it off...it was so clear yet i just.......ignored it somehow until recently. she's also the reason i never realized i had ocd this whole time and other stuff brain wise... ugh. more detailed vent below with warnings of: mentions of self h/rm and emotional abuse.

i don't really want to go into too much detail but me and the host / core of the body (plural reveal yeah i know.... not going to talk about it. gonna use "i" and such to make it simple.) recently went through a mental breakdown recently and of course i SHed my body a bit lightly with my trusty sharps to make myself feel better. and of course the next day I wasn't careful enough and my mother found out about it when she saw me wearing a tank top and of course. there were my scars. out in the open 🫠. she shouted and screamed and cried at me and it caused me to also break down crying. She luckily didnt send me to a psych ward or anything thank fuck, but she gave me the cold shoulder for a few days and eventually told me how I "don't respect her" and how I need to "grow up" and if I ever need mental health help or whatever I need to pay for it all on my own. not one apology for her breaking down crying and calling me a "mutilator" or "sick child" and berating me for my whole life and also during that instance.

she was actually one of the reasons I had a mini mental breakdown in the first place the day before. luckily, my father has my back and said he'll always be available to talk and it made me realize. he has had my fucking back a lot during my entire life, while my mom rarely did. it took me 21 years to realize it and my host isnt ready to accept it but god. fuck her. fuck my mom. i may only be 3 years old in terms or existence as a full-fledged alter but ive seen it. I dont forgive her at all, and i dont owe her shit. once I move out i'm not gonna talk to her much, im gonna go to my dad for most of the support from now on. He may be a bigoted republican who watches fox news constantly but damn hes a good father. he loves and cares about me and doesnt treat me like im some 14 year old cis girl. he sees me as the 21 year old i am and that im willing to learn and grow.

[amoonalls]

Water Signs Women: A Guide To Not Be A Doormat

Eventho I'm sag stellium and have plenty of air placements, I'm still watery. My Venus is in 8th house, my Mars in 4th house, and I have Pisces Moon. I crave intimacy and really one and one relationship with someone in terms that that person has to be forever besides me and connected to me

As a result, a lot of people feel suffocated and start setting distance from me

This not only applies in relationship but also in friendships. A lot of times I'm being left in the middle of friendships by them cuz they need space. They ask me to talk to other people

At first I think, maybe that's cuz I befriend with wrong type of people. Afterall, the people that did this to me have Aqua, Aries, and Gemini placements which we know are never be a fan of such clingy and possessive type of behavior

But when it's Scorpio stellium that set distance from me even if this person handled me so well in the beginning, that really makes me think about everything. Scorpio is known for intensity and intimacy. Yes they indeed crave their space alone. But if this Scorpio stellium had set distance from me, that means I was just way too clingy

So I contemplate about that. Since we are talking about astro, of course I try to see this from astro perspectives. I observe the behaviors of people who also have placements in water sign or house. And I find out that this is a common behavior of water signs or house esp Pisces and Cancer. Bonus if you have Libra placement. We really acting like doormat in terms of us chasing other people so much and letting people walk over us

The clear example of this is Kattie Morrow from Marrying Millions (She has Pisces Sun/Mercury and Libra Mars). We can see in the show how much she was chasing for ex bf which was Kevin. She initiated everything, she tolerated his bs behaviors, she always wanting to get so close to him that she asked to move in with Kevin even when he didn't even want that. Literally for that closeness, she really let him walk over her like welcome doormat in front of your door. It's up to the point that his disrespect to her is no longer tolerated. Yet she even still crawled back to him

How many of you water signs relate to this behavior? When people already disrespect you when you just desire closeness and you still tolerate their bs behaviors? Exactly like that. We have been there and hopefully we have done that. But the problem is there may be still a lot of water signs who are still unable to shake themselves off from this or even not even aware of what they are doing is actually being doormat instead of performing utmost loyalty

So how to not be that doormat anymore?

Water signs, learn from your air signs friends. They can be really independent. That's why you see a lot of times people chasing them. That's cuz they are less available for people AND most importantly, they put themselves first. This is also what's always done by Aries placements esp Aries Sun men. Them naturally putting themselves first somehow invite more people to serve them instead of them being a maid to other people. By being less available I don't mean it as being emotionally unavailable, but really about putting yourself first in terms of you chasing your dreams or goals and really start to think that carrying all trusting behaviors may actually do come off as naive unfortunately. Afterall, human tend to have tendency to manipulate everytime they see someone is potentially easier to exploit. That's just unfortunately the law of jungle. The thing is other people who have fire and air signs may naturally understand this law of jungle more than us water signs who may need to learn about that from first and even being so shocked about that as if we feel people are being cruel and that we are just so kind. But the thing is we need to survive and being less available by putting ourselves first is not bad at all. And also taking everything at face value. If they disrespect us, doesn't mean anything hidden as if they're undergoing some problems, they have traumas, and else. Everyone has their own stuff right? It's just their choice to treat us better and them treating us bad multiple times truly means they know what they are doing and they do that intentionally. We just can't accept the fact that they can be so mean to us after everything that we have given to them. Sometimes it's us who have to save ourselves

Good luck water babies this is tough things to do indeed!

© 2021 amoonalls. All rights reserved

[karezzasstuff]

From the project of interviewing Stanley S. Bass about his experiences with Karezza techniques, The Life Science Publishing created the 2008 book Energy-Karezza. Here Dr. Bass tells the story of how, in his 30’s, he was on his way to become a celibate yogi through Brahmacharya, when he learned about reaching the same spiritual goal via Karezza & Tantra. He decided to try Karezza instead.

Even though his personal goal was spiritual, Dr. Bass soon discovered that women loved Karezza, and couldn’t get enough. When he started teaching the improved Energy-Karezza method to couples with marital problems, the results were astounding. Usually, within weeks, the couple had fallen in love again. Problematic marriages healed, becoming more and more harmonious and stronger with time.

Over time, over 50+ years, he not only gained experience concerning every aspect of Karezza/Tantra, but also – thanks to his energy-understanding, being an orthopathic doctor – developed an improved, more powerful & easy-to-learn, version. Traditional “Karezza/Tantra” can be difficult for men, but “Energy-Karezza/Tantra” is easy, and also gives more pleasure & prolongation..

INTRODUCING OTHERS TO KAREZZA

Karezza is about one thing, the man has to control himself. It is so easy. I got so good at this control that I soon was able to go almost a whole year with no accidents. With very heavy sex - three times a week, four hours each session. It didn't take long to get to a high level of proficiency.

In a few months I was very good at it already.

It is very simple, it is natural. It is not difficult. Prove it for yourself, don't take my word for it. Try it out. The first time I heard about it, it was strange to me, so I tried it. It didn't take me long to get good at it. It was easier than I thought. In fact, I taught Karezza to a lot of friends, and everyone had success.

If one of them asked me, "how do I know if it will work?", I gave him a simple method of trying it. I usually said, "why don't you first try:

1. Don't have an orgasm quickly, but wait until the woman is finished, until she has had her enjoyment. Practice holding back for half an hour, for an hour, for several hours, if you can.

2. Then you'll see that your own orgasms are better; they are more enjoyable.

3. Also try having an orgasm only every other time you have sex.

Skipping one time. Every other time, try without orgasm. See how you feel."

With my sex students, those were my instructions, to begin with. These instructions summarize basic traditional Karezza. But these simple instructions could still be difficult for some men. They lost control (ejaculated) early, and were never able to do Karezza for a full hour.

Therefore, to make it easier, I gave my students some Energy-Karezza secrets. I asked them to improve their diet, and to avoid alcohol and all drugs. I told them not to eat before sex, because a man can not control himself after he has eaten. Why? Because then too much blood goes to the stomach.

Also, I gave very detailed instructions on the best movements in sex. I told them to move slowly, and explained how to move, so they wouldn't get too excited, e.g. sideways, in semicircles, avoiding the in-out moves.

For the premature ejaculators, I told them to give up salt, and to not use anything spicy hot, avoid hot peppers, stay away from spices, because this throws them out of control. And then I told them to use certain motions, slow motions, that makes it easy to control oneself. That's all.

Then the women will get the pleasure, because the men are controlling themselves.

For some men the pleasure was so overwhelming that they were still unable to control themselves very long, more than perhaps 45 minutes, even if their diet was good and they had high vitality. In these cases I think the solution is just doing it over and over. Sometimes men, just like women, may need saturation with lots of high-pleasure peak orgasms, before they can start with serious self-control and higher-pleasure valley orgasms. It may take months, but in the end they will get there.

I myself was never overly concerned with the clitoris or the G-spot, because the Karezza was so enjoyable and I was so good at it that a woman couldn't hold out long. If they wanted to have an orgasm, they could have it quick. Women enjoyed it.

The women were very happy. After beginning Karezza, it became unnecessary to calculate all this stuff. I never had to actually figure it out.

All I did was to function naturally, the way I felt like, without thinking about it. And it was right, for every woman. If one gets too mechanical about it, one becomes a dud. Then it is not real. Real sex has nothing to do with the brain, it has to do with feelings, true feelings and movement.

That's all. The brain is not needed.

From page 45 the Technique to Paradise.

🍎🐍🏖️

YAB YUM

What are you experiencing?

~ by yab yum

Be patient. At first you can't experience the orgasmic part of this process. Some get it on their first try and for some it can take years. Keep practicing with the exercise your teacher gives you. Even if you don't experience the orgasm, just the breath and energy circling alone is of great value. It will clear blocks so that eventually the orgasm can pass through you. Blocks can be experienced in many ways – crying, gagging, getting frustrated, resurfacing old memories. Just keep breathing. Visualize letting go of the "old" on the exhale, ringing out the "new" on the inhale. Energy levels will most likely rise and fall, like mercury in a thermometer. Tell your partner where it slipped. Your partner will encourage you to tap into your sexual center when energy is slipping. One of the main keys to learning this technique is KNOWING that it is possible.

(When asked if she had an orgasm, Sara responded 🙂

It was uninterrupted, uninterrupted… This was definitely something else, which I have never experienced so fully.

(Sara was then asked if there were any psychological changes.)

Oh yes, sure. From the point of view of spiritual practice it is always full of insight, a kind of insight that comes after, about how I am in ecstasy in my usual state, because it is obvious that the ecstasy is inherent in the body (level), of my being… and also of course this would affect my meditation. I am much more relaxed and receptive physically, emotionally and psychologically when I sit down to meditate…. I don't know what this has to do with anything, but meditation becomes very sexual, very physical, playing with all these hormones. Very often in my meditation there is a stage like deepening where it goes through something like lovemaking in a hormonal sense. I feel the heat and change of energy and so forth, and then it just cools down. That is when deep meditation begins.

It is absolutely blissful in ecstasy because the bliss is something I feel in the body. The ecstasy is something where the body is no longer. Energy goes up. His community. It is love. The transcendent, the energy feeling, transcends even the light that I'm talking about in meditation, and just went into the light.

One tree merges with another tree, the earth merges with the trees, the trees merge with the sky, the sky merges with the unknown...you merge with me, I merge with you...everything merges...differences lost, melting and merging as waves into other waves…an enormous unity vibrating, alive, without limits, without definitions, without distinction…the sage melting into the sinner, the sinner flowing together in the sage…becoming good becoming bad, becoming bad���the night turning into the day, day turning into night… life melts into death, death plunges into life again – then everything has become one.

This has changed my experience with sexuality forever… It has blown up things like this what you have about sex, the good feeling you get from sexual experience or trying to get. It broke that because it was so obviously about submission. It wasn't about me trying to do something. It was about not doing something, but rather receiving or allowing it, rather than doing and creating and making.

This is the most profound healing practice I have ever encountered. It has awakened me to realize that my body is often shut off from the bliss and ecstasy it might be experiencing. Through this practice I have come to learn that emotional pain occurs when orgasmic energy does not flow freely through my body and that there is an infinite flow of orgasmic energy available to me. It has taken me years to gradually release the tension and pain in my body and I still have areas of tension to unblock. The sensations can be different each time depending on my condition, sometimes there is a pulsating vibration and sometimes it feels like some kind of electrical current circulating through my genitals throughout my body. There may be tears of joy. My mind can be perfectly clear and it can seem like everything I feared has been resolved. When a certain area of ​​tension is unblocked and the orgasmic energy circulates, there is always an amazing sense of oneness with the life being awakened.

Mel 40 Auckland

My teacher knew how to touch – and where to make contact – He knew places to touch that I didn't know about – and soon I was on my way to another place in another universe. I was in a trance of breathing and sweat and pleasure that so long and so dead do had gone – that I traveled through light and sound. I never knew that such an experience could be had without actually making love. When I finally climaxed and climaxed and climaxed, I couldn't believe I was having a sexual climax in the presence of someone other than my husband. I felt both excitement and a little embarrassment. Looking back at this moment, I would never have thought that having an orgasm for another man would actually be the "beginning" of this whole journey in Tantra

Emma S 35

Auckland

And this is the joy of Cosmic Spiritual Orgasm, because you disappear for a moment. That moment is very small, but its impact is immense. For a moment you are no longer the ego, you do not think in terms of 'I', for a moment you dissolve into the oneness of the all, you become one with the whole, you pulsate with the whole. You are no longer an individual… you are no longer limited to your body. You have no limitations, for a moment you are unlimited, infinite.

That is the meaning of Cosmic Spiritual Orgasm – that your frozen energy melts, becoming one with this universe, with the trees and the stars, and the woman and the man, and the rocks – for a single moment, of course. But in THAT moment you have a kind of consciousness that is religious, that is sacred, that is one with all things. – OSHO

Unbelievable! Some are very strong and some are wonderfully subtle. In general, the more time you spend building up the energy, the more powerful the sensations. You experience “electricity” throughout your body, hands, feet and lips tingle, and there is a sense of letting go and receiving at the same time. You will feel high, euphoric and light-headed. It feels very different from a clitoral orgasm (but it can happen at the same time as a clitoral orgasm). You see a seed sprout, flowers appear on a tree somewhere, the birds are singing – the whole phenomenon is sexual. It is life manifesting in many ways. When the bird sings, it is a sexual call, an invitation. When the flower attracts butterflies and bees, it is an invitation, because the bees and butterflies bear the seeds of reproduction. Everything seems to be divided into these two polarities. And life is a rhythm between these two opposites. Repulsion and attraction, coming closer and getting far… these are the rhythms.

Z