#okay this is longer than i imagined

[sauronpilled]

for the ask game: sauron + 3, 13 and 22 <3

AHHH HIIII HARA !!! 🙏❤

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

i'm going to be honest. i don't think i have any "least favorite canon thing" about sauron. he's a very well written villain with flaws and soul. like, okay, tolkien i see the vision.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

🩸💥💢 - this is the emoji i like to associate him with. red like his hair and his uncontrollable bloodlust <333

💘💝💋💌💖💞💗💓💕💔❣🖤💫💣 - THIS is the emoji sauron would use #tome. i just know it in my soul that he love hearts emoji, while tweeting or posting the shadiest shit about someone. like- just straight up mean shit 😭😭😭 he DON'T HOLD BACK. if he has a priv he's the kind of mutual that would openly talk shit about you.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

OOF good question. i'm going to list my top three that i like and i hate when it comes to sauron in fanfic. starting with what i like :

1) i love it when author present sauron as this ancient spirit that has a strong allegory to fallen angel. like they don't even hide it, because that's what he is and melkor inspired by!!! it just feels right when i see him characterized like that. it also add to this creepy factor where you know- that this creachure is evil- and YET- he dress himself in light. there's something uncanny about that. it's like he's a shadow of what he used to be. BONUS : when it's written from his perspective and he curiously thinking about how fragile everyone is,,,, oooh so good.

2) that he has a genuine connection with the characters he paired with ( romantically or platonically ). it's so SO GOOD. i don't like it when villains are spiteful with no substance. i find it so much more interesting if author intepret sauron as someone that yearn to bond. when i think about the valar, maia, and ainur, i like to base them off from most folklores where spirits can still have attachment towards (im)mortal beings. sauron may be hateful but he can still appreciate and adore the elves and men of Eru.

3) there's a balance between sauron the cruel and sauron-that-believe-he-Did-The-Right-Thing. OOOOOH when the author hit this perfectly, i did a little dance. i just love it when author emphasize sauron's tragedy with his own blinding pride. he is capable of kindness, but his belief deny him of this. once in a while he would show fondness to the children of Eru- BUT- his hatred would take over that light in his heart. so basically more sauron inner struggle.

NOW FOR THE THINGS I dislike :

1) when he's so.. humanized. as in his character doesn't feel like this creepy spirit that haunt the entire middle earth lmao. this is purely my personal opinion, but i want to be unsettled when i read his pov. i don't like it when he talk like a common man or think like a common man.

2) when the author write him as TOO nice. unless it's an au, i could never continue a fic where he's being so out of characterly sweet. he need a little sprinkle of darkness there. PLEASE.

basically that's it. lotr writers are so talented i could barely think of another point 😭 the good outweight the bad.

[jongseongsnudes]

Dropping by to tell you how much I adored your Ni-ki's badboy trope fic. It is my favourite one to read of all time and I will definitely be coming back to read it. Just kind of sad that it's all over, manifesting 🙏🙏🙏 you write a similar one for him in the future 🙏🙏🙏🥹 Do you think you could write drabbles of somesort for it? i.e. The team begging Yn to get Ni-ki to do something for them cause he won't if they asked? That would be so cute but please ignore if you don't want to write it. Thank you for your hard work Cass 🙏🤍

awww thank youuuu 😭💖💖 i loved writing this trope for niki, i feel it fits him so well so our tsundere, badboy will be back in the future!

ill write a little something 😊💖 if anyone else has drabble ideas, send themmmmm

“why me?”

“who else but you mrs team captain!” taki shouts at you desperately, his hands pressed together in a praying motion, “it’s a saturdayyyyy! please help us, he will only listen to you and you know that!”

you both look over to the team captain who is standing by the sidelines, arms crossed, and already watching like a hawk over his team.

it was indeed a saturday and instead of going to the movies like you had wanted to do, niki organised a team practice, saying everyone needed to get back in shape for the upcoming season. the boy really worked hard when it came to football, you as his girlfriend knew that but come on... it was 8am on a saturday. no one wants to be here at the school oval.

“half the boys have dates today! i was gonna take eunji out,” taki nudges you a little, “don’t you want to go on a date today? it’s such a nice day... getting dressed up... holding hands with your boy... hugging... kissing...”

“say no more.”

and you were off on your way, a girl on a mission. niki may be tough but you knew exactly how to crack him.

“hi nishimura,” you say nonchalantly, your eyes on your phone like you were texting someone, “how long did you say practice was again?”

“well we can’t start practice if these little kids are just standing around wasting time!” he shouts a little louder for the rest of the team to hear before turning his gaze onto you, “why?”

“oh it’s nothing. you know how i wanted to go watch that new comedy today? well since you’re so busy, i’ll just go...” you smile sweetly, as if you didn’t have an ulterior motive, “with jj who also wanted to see it! anyway have fun practising! call me when you’re done.”

you had only turned to walk away when you felt a hand at your waist, pulling your body back into another. it’s obvious who it was so you had to fight back the urge to smile.

“so that’s who you’ve been texting the whole time? jj?” niki's tone is an octave lower as he mentions that name but it’s the deep chuckle that follows that tells you he’s unpleased.

“yeah! i’m gonna go home and change into that new dress i got, remember the one you picked?”

oh you were being so mean but you weren’t going to stop now, not when he looked like he was about to explode of anger.

“are you serious?”

“hm. if i didn’t know any better, i’d say this sounds like jealousy, niki.”

and you’ve hit the spot, calling him out on his jealousy that he always, always denied. even though everyone and their mothers knew how jealous niki could really get sometimes.

“hell yeah i am!” he suddenly shouts, gaining the attention of the team and definitely surprising you with the confession, “i bought that dress for you and you want to wear that out without me? of course i am jealous!”

“then come with me nishimura,” you finally break character, chuckling at how adorable he looked while throwing a tantrum. you reach up to pinch his cheeks, making the boy’s expression go softer instantly, “come on niki, it’s a saturday, let your poor team go have fun. don’t you want to go on a date with me?”

he thinks for a moment before leaning down to kiss you, his lips now curving into a smirk as he does. oh your poor heart. niki with a smirk? its a view you’ve always, always been weak for.

“you’re so cute thinking i fell for that miss class president, i heard you talking to taki,” the boy says with his usual smug grin and pinches your cheeks, “but since you put in so much effort to act, fine lets go on a date. you seem so desperate to have me to yourself anyway.”

“wh- what! i do not! whatever! you practice then, i don’t care!”

you try to push him away but the tall boy only hugs you harder. he’s now in a laughing fit while you turn to the field to get help from his team... but no one is there... the guys having ran off the moment they heard their team captain’s words.

but hey... at least you get to go on your date.

-

[aeb-art]

so i was thinking about men's wear,,,

as always geo belongs to @8um8le 🙇

edit: oh gosh i just realized i forgot to include pose references, silly me, here they are ↓

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the gorgeous and fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for february's roundup:

tagging the usual music favs: @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @spicyclematis @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @monismochi plus @kimtaegis for the amy macdonald of it all 💜 and also you, dear reader. MWAH

[ceaseless-watchers-special-girl]

on knowing another

(longpost i’m so sorry guys it came to me in the shower)

There’s a vague undercurrent of a theme in the Penumbra Podcast about knowing another person. It’s subtle, but it pops up every so often. It’s shown in the way we get to know the characters, especially as we get an insight into their minds in season 3, but it’s also shown in their relationships with each other, and that’s what I want to explore a little bit more.

Peter Nureyev, as we get to know him.

In season 1, Nureyev waltzes into Juno’s life

"JUNO: out of nowhere on a beam of goddamn starlight"

in Juno’s own words, and we all see him as some incredible, untouchable, unbelievably sexy master thief who’s interested in Juno for some unknowable reason (maybe that’s the Juno kinnie speaking idk). We think he’s cool, we think he’s funny, we think he’s dangerous and we think we love him but really, we’re just interested in him. We don’t actually know him yet.

And then, we have Angel of Brahma. We see his past, from his own perspective. And that’s not how knowing another is supposed to happen, you’re not supposed to be thrust into it headfirst, but that’s what we get with Nureyev, and so one second we don’t know him, and the next, we know him better than anyone else, because we’ve seen that he isn’t perfect. Not because he was wrong to kill Mag, that’s a whole different debate, but because he was put in a difficult situation in which there was no right choice. It is impossible for any person to be perfect, and so it was impossible for us and for Juno to truly know Nureyev until we knew what made him flawed.

Diamond Hijikata

Let’s travel back in time a bit, to when Juno was with Diamond. We see Diamond Hijikata from Juno’s point of view, we know her the way Juno knew her, and it is impossible for us to know her any other way, because we only ever see her through Juno’s eyes. Juno thought Diamond was flawless. I might be projecting a little here, because I thought Diamond was flawless. Every time I listen to Embrace of Ice, I fall in love with the version of Diamond Hijikata in Juno’s head. Sometimes, she says things that don’t quite fit with that version, and I brush it off, because Diamond Hijikata is impeccable, perfect, and so even if she sounds a little condescending at times, even if she sounds like she sees Juno as a toy to play with, as a way to piss of her mother, I don’t believe it. I choose to trust her instead. Because I think I know her.

And then, we get the scene in the third part of Embrace of Ice.

“JUNO: I thought I knew who you were. DIAMOND: You do, doll. Nothing's changed. You've just... learned more.”

But everything’s changed. Diamond isn’t who I thought she was, who Juno thought she was. Her name was Diamond Hijikata, sure. She went to college. She had friends, mostly troublemakers. She liked protests, and standing up for things, and pissing off her mother. She didn’t like flaunting how privileged she was. And that paints a certain picture, doesn’t it? Of a girl who stands up for what she believes in, who uses her own privilege to help those who don’t have any, who refuses to let corrupt authority keep her down; and it’s hard not to fall in love with someone like that. But that’s not who Diamond Hijikata was.

Diamond Hijikata was bored and rebellious. Captain H says so, at the very start of Embrace of Ice.

“HIJIKATA: Doesn't believe a word of what she says when she gets like that. JUNO: I don't think so. When she gets on a tear, she's so…”

Juno doesn’t agree with her. Juno thinks Diamond thinks like he does, that she believes in what she fights for. But when those fights threaten her own life, her own privilege, she backs down, and we are struck with the ugly truth that Diamond doesn’t believe in what she fights for. She doesn’t actually want to help those who are disadvantaged. I’m not even sure she sees Juno as an equal. And the sad fact is, I don’t know who Diamond is anymore. Neither does Juno. And I don’t even know who to be mad at anymore. Diamond hasn’t broken my heart, because the Diamond I was in love with never existed anywhere except in my head. If I had to bet, I’d say Juno feels the same way. And so he doesn’t love Diamond anymore, he never did, but he doesn’t hate her either, because:

“JUNO: The older I get, the harder it is to blame someone for being the most honest version of themselves, no matter how ugly the truth is. I'll take it over a pretty lie every time.”

The thing is, Diamond isn’t a bad person. And you can hear that in her little monologue in Embrace of Ice part 3.

“DIAMOND: Because I’m not a bad person. I'm not.”

She’s right, in a sense. She didn’t really do anything wrong. She wasn’t in on her mother’s plans, she wasn’t trying to thwart Juno at every turn. All she knew was where the ballroom was. She even has a cute little story to go with it. It’s so human, so understandable. But it’s human in a way none of us expected of Diamond Hijikata, because she is not the version of her we have in our heads. If we really knew her, we wouldn’t have been surprised at her actions. So Diamond didn’t betray us, not really. She didn’t intentionally decieve Juno or intend to cause him harm. She just wasn’t who Juno thought she was. And that’s why her actions seems so surprising, why it feels like a betrayal: because we don’t know her. That’s why the thought of her hurts so much: because how are you supposed to mourn losing the person you loved if they never even existed in the first place?

(god, fuck, this whole essay began because I couldn’t stop thinking about Diamond Hijikata, she hurts me so much I can’t even decide how to feel about her. send help.)

Peter Nureyev again

We see inside Nureyev’s mind in season 3, and everyone jokes about how much of a mess he is, but the fact is we love him anyway. And we don’t love him despite it, we love him because of it, because loving another is knowing another and seeing their flaws and saying “I understand”. This ties into what Juno says to Vespa before the wedding:

“JUNO: …everyone thinks they know you, right? They make up a version of you in their heads, and if you don’t play the part right they start asking questions. Sometimes with words. VESPA: Sometimes with a look. I know. JUNO: Yeah. “What’s wrong,” “are you okay,” “you seem angry”... all that. But... I don’t know. One day I wasn’t playing the role the best and I could tell he just didn’t mind. Or... he’d already stretched the role out until it actually fit me. And I realized I’d already done the same thing for him.”

Juno knows Nureyev now. So far, he’s seen Nureyev switch between personas, seen Nureyev when he isn’t playing anyone, been inside his head, lived with him for a year and talked with him extensively about their relationship (I don’t remember any quotes for this one, but I’m pretty sure they mention it in season 3 at some point. Might be Shadows on the Ship?). He knows Nureyev, well enough that the version in his head fits Nureyev perfectly, and so Juno can be certain that the man he loves really is Peter Nureyev, and not a version of him, because he knows Peter Nureyev.

Slip Jackson

Little shift in perspective now, let’s stop focusing on Juno for a second. Slip Jackson, Nureyev’s ex, the guy who’s been driving the plot of the story for the past year or so despite being in a coma. He’s Nureyev’s first love, and he and Nureyev spend a lot of time toying with the idea of knowing each other. They knew each other when they were kids, about 10 years old, and they meet again 6 or 7 years later by chance. A lot has changed in that time — it might not seem like a lot to an adult, but kids develop rapidly, and don’t stop until about 25, so  they’ve both really changed since they saw each other last, and they’ll continue to change. They’re young, and still learning who they are (god, it feels so weird to write that when I’m not much older, but anyways).

And so when Nureyev learns that Slip still does drugs, he’s a little horrified, because he doesn’t understand how Slip could be willing to take that risk. Slip clearly hasn’t developed or matured in the way Nureyev thought he would, and the two of them realise that they don’t really know each other all that well. Slip asks if he’d like to try drugs, and Nureyev refuses, and that’s that for a while. But then they live together for a while, and Slip offers Nureyev a way off Brahma, and he tells him about his dream, about the drug he wants to make. And Nureyev, who’s just figured out that he has the biggest crush on this man, decides he wants to know him a little better.

“NUREYEV: I... would like to try one, I think. Is your offer still open? SLIP: I don't... that's really nice of you, but I don't want you to think you have to try it just to, um, make me feel better, so-- NUREYEV: It isn't to make you feel better. It's to know you, Slip. And I think I'm finding I'd like to know you quite well.”

(Alexa, what’s the most romantic way to tell your boyfriend you want to do drugs with him?)

Then they run away to Saraswati together, and Slip goes on all these secret outings which Nureyev can’t follow him on for a while. Nureyev is forced to trust Slip, to place his life in his hands, but they’re still getting to know each other, and unlike with Juno and Diamond, Nureyev is aware that the version of Slip in his head might not match up with the real Slip. So, he gets paranoid, and the entire mess with the poker game and the executives happens.

But after it, they have a talk. A good one. This is one of the things I love about Slip: he makes Nureyev talk about his feelings, and he’s really good at putting things into perspective. You see it in the latest episode, too, with how they talk about Mag. It’s not perfect, but it seems incredibly mature for someone his age (though, again, not sure how much authority I have on the age aspect of this).

“SLIP: A person can't just tell you who they are cuz we're all too complicated for that. I wouldn't know where to start, and even if I tried, I'd miss most of everything and maybe you'd think I was hiding those things from you, but it wouldn't be true. Too much of me is invisible to me because I'm around it all the time, every day. You can try to see the world from someone else's point of view, but at the end of the day... we're all just ourselves. We're stuck there. But just because I can't say it doesn't mean you can't know it. All I can do is be honest, minute to minute, day by day. I'm sorry I'm not the person you apparently thought I was -- but to be fair, I never said I was that person to begin with. Only you did. So... how about we make each other a promise? NUREYEV: A promise? Promise what? SLIP: A promise to be honest with each other. If we're honest, each of us can give the other the best shot at knowing us, you know? You can decide who Slip Jackson is, and... well. If he's worth your time.”

THIS. This is basically the point of this whole essay (it’s so much longer than I intended I’m so sorry). I start chewing on my own bone marrow every time I listen to this, because he’s so right.

Knowing someone isn’t knowing big things, like their name, or face, or random fun facts about their life. Those are things you pick up along the way. Knowing someone else isn’t knowing what their favourite colour is, it’s them telling you what their favourite colour is and you realising that it makes sense they would like that colour, that it fits in with the image of them in your head. Knowing someone isn’t knowing all their layers, their past, their future, though all those things are important in their own way. Knowing someone is understanding the essence of them, the soul underneath all those layers, the sense of self, of who they are which philosophers have been trying to define for centuries, which Peter Nureyev has been trying to erase from himself for decades.

Slip and Nureyev loved each other because they loved everything they knew about each other, and wanted to know more. Slip’s loss hits Nureyev like a bulldozer because he never really gets to know who Slip is — the chance is taken away from him, and Nureyev is convinced it’s all his fault. He’s determined to bring Slip back so he can finally know who Slip is, even though he’s trying to erase himself so there’s nothing left of himself to love back.

Peter Nureyev forever

And then, season 5. Yowzers.

“NUREYEV: You think you know me. The nameless thief. You presume, just because I've told you my real name and let you peruse a few carefully-curated passages of my life story, that you have access to a "real" me that nobody else does. Is that right? JUNO: This isn't gonna work, Nureyev. That journal was true. I know it was. NUREYEV: (LAUGHS) How could you possibly? JUNO: Because I know you. NUREYEV: You know what I've shown you. Nothing more. JUNO: Can't help but notice you haven't said it yet. NUREYEV: I don't need to play your game. JUNO: If you don't care it'd be really easy to.  "I never want to see you again." Like that. NUREYEV: Childish! JUNO: Once you let somebody know you, Nureyev, there's no going back. They've got your number. Chances are you got theirs, too. I let you know who I am because I love you and I'm scared as hell about what that means, but at least I can admit it, goddammit!”

Nureyev is desperately pushing the idea that Juno doesn’t know him, that Nureyev’s been lying all along, that the “Peter Nureyev” Juno knew was just another persona, that Juno never really knew the real Nureyev, just like he never knew the real Diamond. Because if Juno doesn’t know Nureyev, he can’t possibly love him, and that makes it so much easier to break up with him.

But there’s just one catch here. Juno does know Nureyev. As much as Nureyev wants to pretend that all Juno saw was what he let him see, it’s not true. Juno saw right to the core of him, right to the beating heart of what makes Peter Nureyev Peter Nureyev, and he refused to look away until he knew every inch by heart, and he loved what he knew. He still does. And that’s how he knows that Nureyev needs his help now, that’s why he’s not giving up on our favourite master thief.

And that is why this:

“NUREYEV: I do not want to see you any more, Juno. JUNO: What? NUREYEV: You said it would just take those words to excise you from my life entirely, didn't you? Well, I've said them. I have no interest in seeing you any longer. None. I am done. We are finished. Do you understand me? JUNO: Yeah, I get you. So I guess I'll just... go now. NUREYEV: No! JUNO: I... what?  NUREYEV: I... that is, you…”

didn’t surprise me. Well, the first bit did. But the turnaround made complete sense. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really shitty of Nureyev to do, but he’s at a point in his life where he’s not sure he can handle Juno being in his life, but he loves him far too much to tell him to leave. Even after he breaks up with him, he immediately backtracks.

And that’s why Juno keeps implying throughout the episode that Nureyev might take him back, and why he doesn’t leave at the end despite promising he would. Because he and I both know that Nureyev doesn’t want him to.

Juno never really hides who he is, and so people either love him or hate him. I think that’s really cool of him.

Nureyev hides who he is almost constantly, from almost everyone. It’s so much easier for him to pretend he did the same with Juno, and that’s what he’s trying to do. But he didn’t, so Juno isn’t giving up on him. Juno knows Nureyev, and he loves Nureyev, and so he’s not going to rest until Nureyev is finally okay (or relatively okay, at least).

TLDR: Juno didn't know Diamond all that well, so he couldn't be with her. Nureyev decided he wanted to know Slip so that he could learn to love him, but the opportunity was taken away from him. Juno comes to know Nureyev and he loves him because of it, but Nureyev is determined to go back to being unknown in season 5 so he can distance himself from Juno and pretend they're not in love. Knowing someone and loving them are linked, blah blah blah.

idk man I don’t have a conclusion these are just thoughts. Loving someone is inherently tied to knowing them, ig. Anyways who’s excited for Nureyev to have a mental breakdown???!!

[flashnthunder]

baberoe priest kink- hello yes please i need this!!!!

(thank you for taggin me <3)

Willow Boughs and Wanting

(mildly nsfw under the cut)

He’s pushed back into the pew, and he goes without much fight. From his position now, Babe is half looming over him. The light through the windows makes his hair even more red, like a halo of fire consuming him. Babe doesn’t leave him to think for too long, slowly straddling himself over his lap until his knees are on either side of Eugene’s legs. He’s still taller like that, looking down at Eugene’s face when he tips his head back.

“I gotta tell you, Father, you’ve made it a helluva time sitting in on your services,” Babe says, and there’s a hint of a smile there that’s swallowed in something more serious. Babe leans down so close that their lips almost touch. He plays it like a waiting game and Eugene is the one to blink first. He doesn’t know who closes the gap first, but they’re kissing and Babe’s hands are on his shoulders.

If there had been a halo of fire around Babe, it’s going to cover him next, spread its fire like a curious flame licking up around dry wood. It dries the muggy air out of him and brings him closer to something real and solid. They kiss until they’re spending more time pulling away to breathe a shared exhale of the same air.

“It just ain’t right keeping you squirreled away in here all by your lonesome,” Babe murmurs, and Gene doesn’t have time to think about what he means before Babe lets himself settle further down in his lap. Only by sheer will does he keep his hands from grabbing him, either to push him away or drag him down he doesn’t know. Babe looks him in the eye, slow and deliberate in his gaze and grinds down onto his lap. Eugene can’t bite back the noise he makes, something choked off and high that escapes his throat.

“Edward, you can't be doing that,” he means it to sound more of a warning than it does. Instead it comes more like a hurried question.

“What's it gonna take to kill that? Need to know me a little more biblically before you call me the right name?” Babe asks, and the smile from earlier is back. He grinds his hips against Eugene, dropping his head to his shoulder for a moment. He nudges Eugene’s head back, kissing right above his white collar where his throat dips with each swallow.

“Want me to stop calling you by your first name, maybe? You prefer Father Roe if we're being formal like?” He rocks into him again, pulling back to kiss along his jaw. He can feel the blood in his cheeks, hot and thruming underneath his skin. Babe winds his arms around his neck, his eyes falling closed when he leans his head to the side and hips still moving.

"Edward," he tries again, and his voice has found no more strength the longer he waits. Babe's eyes come open again at that, and just as suddenly as they'd ended up together he pulls back. Eugene feels something akin to fear flush through him, suddenly wanting to pull him back down.

He doesn't go far, Babe sinks to his knees in front of him, slower than should be possible with how fast everything else seems to be happening to him. Eugene can’t get a good enough grip on the pew under his hands him to steady himself. There’s a wicked look Babe gets now, and he runs his hands down the outside of Eugene's legs, catching halfway down his shin and holding.

“Awful hard, like I was saying. Supposed to be listening and you’re up there, looking like all a’this,” Babe’s hands move back up again to catch his hips, squeezing just a little. Eugene digs his nails into the pew, wishing the wood would splinter under his grip. He presses until it hurts, tilting his head up and screwing his eyes closed.

“Figured yous would be used to seeing somebody down on their knees like this,” Babe’s grip tightens. He pulls him forward a little, pushing Eugene to choose between letting go of his grip on the old wood or letting his hips be moved forward till his back is almost arched.

“No, I ain’t, it’s not- I never,” his voice comes out in more of a stutter than he had expected. Babe’s grin grows at that. Just as slowly as he’d sunk to his knees before, he leans forward till his lips hover about an inch away from the dark fabric. Despite the layers, Eugene feels a hot flush run down his neck knowing that if Babe looked he would probably be able to see him getting hard.

“You good and sure about that? Don’t wanna take my confession like this?” Babe asks, and there's not a prayer in the world that comes to him now.

[noxcaelestia]

If you’re legitimately interested in my current pricing, my state’s min wage went up recently and the cheapest option, pushed up to the next highest dollar (not rounded) totals up to about an 8 hour work day not adding in any other expenses or subtracting fees.

Between drawing and scanning then finishing up on my iPad via Procreate, the time is decently accurate if not underestimated. The more expensive option is twice that which is about two work days in total hours.

It’s already hard to price my stuff accurately especially when I have been so ill back and forth and I haven’t completed much work in about a year now. I hope you’ll understand. Thank you for your continued support regardless.

[transsexual-terabyte]

frontstuck with sonic the hedgehog. hey man

[our-destiny]

Thinking about Mc and Solomon being soulmates, two souls that were always destined to be together, made for each other. That in all the timelines Barbatos can see, you're always together, with each other to the very end. Like two puzzle pieces you fit together perfectly, balancing each other out, where one struggles the other is there to lend them a hand, so much trust and love between you two, no judgment, only understanding and sympathy. And the way you look at each other, gaze full of adoration, Solomon looking at you and treating you as if you are his sun, his moon and his stars, as if you're his life source. You staring at him in class as if he was made by the gods, with no flaws. And the way he touches you as if you were glass, soft caresses and loving holds, his arms wrapped securely around you as if protecting you from the rest of the world. The way you would cup his face and kiss his jaw so tenderly, making him feel loved and like he's important in this world <33

[pearl-kite]

Something something astral

[cakemoney]

finding out that kaito and shinichi have been revealed to be cousins is like finding out there was a huge earthquake in the country you used to live in

[tchaikovskym]

There is this part of me that wants to wallow in self-pity, that wants to believe I'm doomed forever and that there is nothing good waiting for me. But the funny thing is, it's not true. I am better than I used to be. I am healthier than I used to be. It's just tiring to always try to be better. And while it is a possibility that the doom part of me will turn out to be true, there is a possibility that it won't.

[worldwhampion]

APOLLO NMS IS AUTISTIC-CODED 1/2

here's the google doc for much better reading! (also contains a small epilogue)

Let's look at their physical characteristics first. 

1. Stimming

Everyone who’s seen Apollo at a holo terminus knows the thing they do with their fingers: a repetitive movement that never ceases. They are literally STIMMING! For those who don’t know, stimming (aka self-stimulating behavior) involves engaging in repetitive movements, which helps with improving concentration and alleviating anxiety, and often it is done unconsciously. Now don’t tell me that’s just their idle animation. They could’ve chosen any other thing for them to do that does not straight up look like hand flapping, one of the most prevalent stims out there - as well as not making it repetitive and constant.

2. Footing (toe walking)

Another characteristic is a small, but very special detail: their footing.  

(picture credit to @speci-society - they were the first to point this out! annotations by me)

Their ‘heels’ are off the ground, and the two plates which do make contact with the ground are more like shoe soles - think of tiptoeing while wearing slippers. This is very reminiscent of toe walking, another trait associated with autism. The name is pretty straightforward: walking on toes without the heels touching the ground, which is thought to be due to sensory processing and motor issues.

3. Sensory processing issues

Interestingly, Apollo's body is synthetic - meaning that they cannot sense the world around them through touch. In terms of physical sensitivity, they must be quite detached from the world. Usually when talking about sensory processing issues, it is about an overload of senses to the point of discomfort. Though in Apollo's case, I think it is rather the opposite of that; their senses are void. Because well, There’s no way you could possibly have nerves in metal. They’d have to rely on something else entirely in order to sense every time they come into contact with an object (including their footfalls on solid ground). Likely they have other means of sensing things - different from the usual organic way. I’m not sure how their body exactly works, but since they still possess an organic brain, neuroplasticity must’ve done loads to it so that they could properly adjust to their body. Can’t imagine how the first days must’ve been like for them.

4. Motor issues

And possibly, they may still have issues in controlling their mechanical limbs (motor issues) despite the neuroplasticity - or rather, carrying out complex tasks with them - especially their hands, they don’t look dexterous at all but rather very cumbersome. As well as their arms and shoulders, all seem to be very inflexible. In my opinion, Apollo is (borderline) disabled, as they likely do not have the same capabilities as an abled person.

5. No facial expressions

They have no ‘face’ - so no facial expressions either. They also can’t make eye contact. Autistics are known to struggle with facial expressions - and especially eye contact - in conversations. I’m not sure whether it’s a blessing or not for Apollo to be unable to make eye contact with anyone, because that’s just about the most uncomfortable thing to do (for me at least), and yet it’s so weirdly important in face-to-face communication at the same time. To physically express emotions must be quite hard for them, therefore they likely have to compensate through body language. A notable one is a certain tendency to tilt their head: “as the hologram recedes, Apollo's head turns to the side ever so slightly, as if sighing, saddened.” Due to them having no facial expressions, I think it could be pretty hard for anyone to tell if they’re listening to them or not. I am saying this out of my own personal experience. Okay story time! When I was younger it was kind of unclear to others whether I was paying attention to them or not due to my lack of eye contact. This led to me finding an alternative to that: head nodding! I tend to nod my head along as people talk to me. This way it’s clear to people that I am in fact listening without having to directly make eye contact with them. Perhaps Apollo does a similar thing to indicate that they’re paying attention. 

---

Pt. 1 < pt.2

[covertblizzard]

I’m just cataloguing the quotes from when Kyle nearly gave up being Green Lantern for good because I think it is interesting and plays very much into the idea that Kyle probably wouldn’t have gone near the hero route if it wasn’t very much thrust upon him.

To start with, right before this he says “I think there are a few people I need to visit. Might help me get my head straight.” to his mom and instead of any alive people I thought he was going to visit, HE VISITS DONNA AND ALEX.

And then Major Force comes to try to convince him some more which for some reason WORKS?? (Listen boy, even if he didn’t kill your mom, he did most definitely kill Alex still? I know he’s not in the right frame of mind or something but this is the SECOND time you’ve given up your ring to a known and established villain that you’ve fought like you think he would know better by now)

Major Force would’ve gotten away with it too lol if he didn’t decide to be stupid and say THIS which cause Kyle to realise he was making a mistake and fought back and took the ring back.

So in the end, he makes a decision and the whole series wraps up with this.

It does make one wonder, would he have chosen differently, under a different scenario, under a different sets of condition? Because unlike a lot of heroes, he doesn’t seem that stuck to the whole career choice (at this point) in a way in that he even very genuinely and sincerely considers giving it up. Would he have regretted it if he had chosen to walk away? Is it even possible to walk away, or would he have walked back after a while?

[chiropteracupola]

this guy.

[hunsa-jars]

The wedding was funnnn, golly I feel woozy