#rsd vent

[acefool]

I think one of the biggest things that aggravates my rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) more than anything is when I meet people who are perfectly nice to other people to their face but will later talk about how much they hate that other person when they aren’t in the room.

No, you didn’t say that you hate me. You said you hate this other person that you treat to their face the same way you treat me. I don’t trust you now. And all of your behaviours are now locked in my core memory to be recognized in anyone who behaves the same way as someone who hates me regardless of whether they actually do.

[sews-over-hoes]

So the really fucked up thing about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is that it’s impossible to explain to people how bad it really is and how horrible it makes me feel without sounding like I’m just a baby who can’t control my feelings and lacks confidence.

It’s impossible to fully express, as a 40-year-old woman, that I do have confidence in myself - most of the time I think I’m pretty awesome - but that any person, stranger or friend, who says anything to me that indicates that they think I’m less than them, has the capacity to reduce me to a quivering mess of tears and anxiety in a matter of seconds.

It’s impossible to explain that when I think about that time I got in trouble for not updating a website correctly and being written up, an event which happened fifteen years and five jobs ago, at a job I had for less than a year, working for people I didn’t like or respect and whose names I don’t even remember, I still feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to throw up and cry and quit my current (awesome) job because I am clearly the worst at everything and nobody should ever pay me because I am so incompetent.

It’s impossible to describe the feeling of posting merrily away on a Big Internet Site and being called an idiot or spoken down to or condescended to or even strongly disagreed with, and then feeling so ashamed and angry and anxious that I rage-quit the entire site, knowing full well the person who said that to me never gave it another thought, and knowing even harder that I will never, ever forget the time I got absolutely fucking destroyed for suggesting a non-violent solution to bullying, and that memory will serve as an ever-present reminder that I am worthless and

Following that path, I don’t know how to explain that when someone tells me I’m stupid or shitty or lazy or inauthentic or mean or less than, I immediately believe them, and it feels like violence, and I don’t know how to express how dumb it is that I, a full-ass grown adult, routinely cry over people being slightly mean to me, and no matter what I accomplish in my life or how far I go or how much I heal or how confident I become, still feel like every mean comment is like a punch to my throat that makes my eyes water and my teeth grind and my skin crawl and my stomach heave, and there is nothing, apparently, that I can do to make that stop. It’s like I’m made of badly-formed glass and the slightest wrong touch will shatter me.

I know what I look like, and I know how this looks to anyone on the outside of my brain. I didn’t even do a good job explaining it here. Whatever, RSD, yay. Thanks for that.

[theelectricalcity]

[autismdoll]

when the rejection sensitivity dysphoria hits it makes me feel so sick like i could throw up.

especially when you can’t read how you’re expression is being received and past traumas & experience in an ableist/NT society makes you default to shame when processing your interactions.

its even worse when you initially felt comfortable, enthused, or passionate enough to even express in da first place.

makes me super reclusive.

[autismvampyre]

making friends is so hard

i had a bad day three months ago and i havent talked to anyone since then bc i self isolate as a coping mechanism and then idk how to stop self isolating once ive started and now the people who could've been my friends have all unfriended me and idk if i did something bad or if they just decided not to likd me or maybe im just an asshole whos been ignoring thrm for months not realizing they're reaching out bc im autistic and i have rsd so now im just alone again

im always alone. im never a fucking priority to anyone and im so lonely all the time i talk to myself because other people terrify me and i cant keep up a relationship to save my life

im gonna see my old best friend from 8th grade this weekend bc i genuinely dont kniw how to talk to someone who hasn't already seen my flaws and tolerates me anyway. im so scared everyone hates me. im so socially inept im a nightmare to talk to, who the fuck would talk to me? im a nightmare to be around. i feel so fucking lonely, i wish i could just talk and be normal and fucking likeable.

[awestruck-atrophy]

rsd can shut its fucking mouth i literally do not care “oh 😢😢🥺 they didn’t react in a way that made them seem interested they must hate me, they hate me 😭😭😢” grow tf up brain I don’t want to hear it

“they didn’t like this I’ll never share another thing I make with another human being as long as I live” bitch who made you so dramatic stfu

[your-very-rude-neighborhood-ace]

adhd is RUINING MY LIFE like is the guy i like sending me a snapchat of the ceiling because he’s mad at me or he’s just tired?? IDK BUT NOW I HATE MYSELF

[musicspirit26]

okay, so i'm well aware that this might make me sound like an incel, but it's something that frustrates me so much as an autistic person and i need to vent about it (i would totally do this with a therapist if i had one btw - but i don't, so i'm making do with what i have)

every single time i develop a huge crush on someone, i feel like 1 of 3 things always happens:

they're already in a happy long term relationship and i don't wanna be the homewrecker

they've just gotten out of a relationship, so i don't wanna be their rebound

they've been single for a while and are either not ready to mingle in general or just wouldn't like me back at all anyways

this pattern will usually go on for a few years, and all the while i will also be doing a lot of personal growth (which makes the comment "you don't need a relationship to be happy" all the more frustrating because my main love language is physical touch, so i need/crave physical affection in ways that simply can't be provided by a family member), so by the time someone else who doesn't quite fit what i'm looking for but i kinda like and who likes me comes along, i will jump on that opportunity really quick because at least someone likes me romantically

and i know those people deserve a lot better than that (and i deserve better than that, too), but i find that i'm usually only in that situation because i want to respect that my actual crushes are unavailable for whatever reason

and yes, i'm aware that a lot of that unavailability comes down to my struggles with social cues and hygiene (which is probably the main reason for the third scenario, on top of the fact that a lot of the women in that category are straight), and that's obviously completely understandable - but i think that's just what makes me feel even more horrible about it, as well as myself

it can be so emotionally debilitating to know that my struggle with these things is exactly what makes it so easy for other people to just write me off altogether, no matter how hard i try to navigate them or self-police how i come across. for that reason, it's extremely difficult not to get frustrated at how hard it is to find a partner who loves me just as deeply as i love them, or handle even a gentle/friendly rejection as just that and to not take it personally.

of course, the other side of that coin is that i feel like any big crushes i have in the three scenarios i mentioned above are also miles out of my league anyway, so working up the courage to confess my feelings in the first place feels almost impossible because of that.

idk y'all, i just wanna find a woman who i can love who loves me and who i can express that love in physical ways with

ugh why is dating so hard 😩😩😩

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Me: *facing my crippling rsd head-on by posting a silly “in the tags” thing from a sideblog and loading it up with fandom tags so it gets seen* *scared of being ignored but excited at the possibility of getting to know others in the fandom* *being proud of myself for doing the thing*

The entire fandom: 🦗🦗🦗 did you guys hear something? no? must have been the wind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[midnightmystical]

I really fucking hate that even when something super positive happens with/towards me with people my brain WILL eventually make to where I'm like "oh person only feels sympathetic they actually can't stand you" or "people WILL shit talk about you when you aren't around" or "people will fuck you over in life just because of my existence"(which has happened)

[fallofcamelot]

the rsd struggle of really enjoying something that was objectively not well made and then having to hear someone you really care about talk shit about it. cuz obviously they’re entitled to their opinion but i’ve already made my opinion clear so maybe they hate me now because we disagree

[strawberricum]

feeling like a disappointment and i want the ground to swallow me up

[seraph-draws-stuff]

vaguely linear unmedicated adhd (feat. depression and dissociation) moodboard made from vibes alone

chill adhd board here

[mugmaniscrazy]

If I took a shot for everything I've been abandoned or rejected I'd be dead ........

[dabblingreturns]

Nothing gets my rsd causing issues more than failing a customer servay for a customer that contacted my department in error and then git mad when I recommended them to the correct people.....

Like dude, I spent time redirecting you to the correct people. I copied down the correct number for you, I cared.

How dare you fail me for trying

[thatkinkyboi]

Me: how do you like the dinner I made?

Partner: it's good. It tastes good. Would have preferred rice and less potatoes but it's still good.

My sensitive ass today: ..... so you hate me