#same for asexuals too

[tesco-finest-aromantics]

To other sex-repulsed people: Please understand that your repulsion towards sex is your own issue to deal with. Understand that sex is important to a lot of people (you don't have to understand why, just simply that it is), and understand that it's not okay to treat sex as a bad thing simply because it exists and you're repulsed towards it.

It's completely fine to vent about your friend talking in great depth about their sex life when it repulses you (and maybe tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to hear about it) or for any reason for that matter, but don't talk about how much you hate sex in front of the people who find it a positive thing because you'll just end up being seen as someone who kills the fun. It doesn't seem fair, I know, but there are lots of places you can talk about this without upsetting people who enjoy it.

And to non-sex-repulsed people: Please understand that we need a space to air our repulsion to sex. If anything we say isn't directly aimed towards you specifically and it upsets you, then maybe consider that this space just isn't for you. Not everyone has the same positive feelings towards sex that you do, and we have just as much right to talk about how we dislike sex as you have to talk about how much you like sex.

And everyone needs to understand that it's possible to have negative feelings about sex —and to talk about these feelings— without it automatically being sex negativity.

[alevens]

zolu is maybe one of the easiest ships i've ever liked. they're dating, except when they're not, they're best friends even when they're kissing and they're still captain and first mate when they aren't. they hold hands, they hug. they have sex. they don't.

Luffy can hold Zoro's katanas and Zoro can hold Luffy's strawhat and no one bats an eye. one says "You're so cool!" and the other says "You're strong" and it's just another way to say "I see you, this is why I follow you/this is why I trust you". it's not seeing each other for a long time and still knowing how the other's steps sound like against wood and sand. the captain runs and the first mate follows. it's always "Zoro and the others" and "Where's Luffy?"

if they're just friends, if they're something more, if they don't have a label for it, at its core, it's just about how they get each other. they understand how the other's mind works. however you view them, it doesn't erase they fact that they love each other in a way they don't love other people.

[allastoredeer]

Hello, don't mind me, I just need to vent for a second.

First off, I just wanna say, as an aroace person on the ace-spectrum, feel free to ship Alastor all you want. Ship him with anyone. Have fun with it. Sex repulsed. Non-sex repulsed. Grey-ace. Demisexual. Pure unadulterated smut. Whatever, have at it. I love that shit.

Just please do it without infantilizing ace-aro people.

The amount of art, fics, and takes I've come across that's so patronizing to Alastor and his sexuality. Thing's like Alastor venting to Rosie about his feelings for a character with the caption "Alastor feeling love for the first time." Or Alastor wanting to have sex with a character and having feelings about that, and someone commenting "That's called a boner, sweetheart. That means you like them 🤭"

Like??? Like do ya'll not see how patronizing that sounds? Being ace-aro doesn't mean you don't know your own body. It doesn't mean you don't understand the functions of your body.

It doesn't mean you've never experienced intense emotions. It doesn't mean you've never experienced love before.

And, look, I know these are meant to be jokes. I know. People are joking. I laughed at the first few I came across, too. It's not meant to be harmful or condescending; no one means it that way. But there's been so much with such...bad takes recently, and I don't know about any other ace-spec people (I don't speak for all ace-specs. Hell, there are probably other ace-spec's who don't mind, enjoy it, or are making content like it themselves. I just speak for myself) but GOD it's getting uncomfortable.

Alastor is in his late 30's-early 40's in human years. That is the established age range we have for him. Do you really think that he'd go that long without ever experiencing "love?" He went through puberty just like everyone else, do you think he doesn't understand his own body???

Being asexual, or sex-repulsed, or touch-repulsed doesn't mean you automatically don't explore these parts of yourself. It doesn't mean he's never, once in his life, touched his own dick, or pussy, or whatever genitalia you're giving him. He can still very well be a "virgin" (which in and of itself is a social construct) while also knowing his body and confidently handling any "sexual needs" he has.

Do you really think he doesn't know what a boner is? That in all the years he's been alive and dead (on Earth and in Hell), he wouldn't have experienced these things once? (And you know what? Maybe he hasn't! Perhaps there are ace's out there like that! But you're telling me he doesn't KNOW what that is??? Really???)

Ah, no, it's all because he just hasn't found the right person yet, right? It's not until Lucifer/Angel Dust/Vox, whoever found him, and they gave him these feelings, and oh no, poor Bambi is feeling twitterpated and horny for the first time, isn't that romantic!

Honestly, not really. It just sounds like the same, stupid shit ace-aro people hear from family, friends, and acquaintances about their sexuality. You know, the tried and true: "Oh, you just haven't found the right person yet. You'll want all that eventually, you'll see😊"

Do you not see how frustrating that is?

Look, I am all down for Alastor exploring parts of himself. I want him to navigate different relationships, feel them out, figure out what kind of relationship he wants and what he's okay and not okay with doing. But there are ways to do that without treating him like a little UwU silly baby boy who doesn't know his own body, or his own emotions, or his own relationships with other characters. Like he needs someone to teach him about himself.

How about instead, he finds someone he feels comfortable exploring these elements with? Instead of them "teaching" him how to fuck, or masturbate, or whatever the hell you want to call it, they're giving him the room and safe-space to explore it at his own pace??!!

It comes across as someone who isn't on the ace-spectrum "teaching" an ace-spec character about their own sexuality which puts such a gross taste in my mouth. Or, at least, that's how it comes across to me.

And the thing is, I know people aren't going to stop. I know they're going to keep infantilizing Alastor and his aro-ace identity, and I wasn't originally going to make this post, because you can't control what people do in fandom.

So this is mostly just a post to say: HEY! Hello! Ace-aro person here! I hope you all are having fun and I love that you're exploring Alastor's asexual/aromantic identity! Especially those who may not be in the ace-spectrum themselves, as you're learning about us and our experiences! That's awesome! Can we just do that while also treating Alastor like the adult he is? Can we do that without being infantilizing and patronizing about his sexual identity? Please?"

That's all I really wanted to say. I just needed to get this off my chest instead of letting it fester. This isn't an attack on anyone, this is just the perspective of an Alastor multi-shipper who loves exploring his relationships with other characters (sexually and non-sexually) and deep-diving into the dynamics of the show.

Thanks for reading.

[redysetdare]

"This fandom is so queer friendly!" This fandom literally hates, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, and aspec people but ok.

[gayvampyr]

“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

[ninjasmudge]

[puts my hand on your shoulder] bro the 'is the lamb amab or afab' question is so stupid dude, canonically the answer is neither. in that world, anyone can have kids with anyone, these characters very clearly arent from a species with two sexes, there is no male or female in here, gender is entirely separate from biology in this world dude. this is not an either/or situation, all the followers are both bro, theyre hermaphroditic, can you hear me?

[whatisgoingoninmyhead]

searching Tumblr for "aroace [character]" with a confirmed aroace character is usually more demoralising than it's worth.

there'll be maybe two fics, a couple of posts celebrating the 'confirmation' moment, and then a flood of discourse and posts 'choosing to believe' they're not aroace/the character still does everything they want them to do. I just want some representation 😭

[bjurnberg]

This destroyed me.

The number of times I’ve dreamed of doing dishes with him. Uncountable.

I finish the meal I made and ate alone and turn on some music to start cleaning what I used, singing along as the water warms and the soap suds mix a lemon scent into the air to mingle with what was cooked. I hum the verse and sing the chorus and I can feel him standing in the doorway ready to come help - can feel the air change the way it does when someone is watching you before you hear them - can feel the breath he takes to start a harmony

and then the song sounds wrong because he’s not singing with me.

I blink at the running water and return to the chore and keep singing to distract myself from that everyday-ache of missing him. It’s always there. Especially in the small things.

Like when I’m laying in bed trying to fall asleep and in the moment I almost do my brain whispers ‘you can’t sleep yet, he’ll be walking through the door any moment after work and you want to give him a smile to make sure his day ends well.’ And for half a second I know he will. But only half a second.

Or when I drop by the drive-thru taqueria after work and after I order I turn to the passenger seat to ask what he wants this time but the seat is empty.

And when I wake up I can feel his arm around my waist but it’s just how the weighted blanket got scrunched up overnight.

And when the house is too quiet I miss the sound of his breathing.

And when I laugh at my book I look up expecting him to be looking at me with that little crinkle next to his lips waiting to listen to what made me laugh.

And when I do the dishes again the next day I still hear the moment he doesn’t sing.

Every day.

[braidedhades]

just found out that non-aromantics actually have feelings towards the people they decide to have a crush on. Apparently it’s not like, “hmmm should I consider this person for dating? what are the pros and cons here?” Or like, “I want to be really close friends with that person” But it’s like an actual emotional response or something? An emotion that is different from the “I wanna be really close friends” emotion??

also I just figured out that I’m aromantic

[variousqueerthings]

I have seen otherwise queer-positive blogs get really angry when asexuality is used as a lens through which to look at historical figures, as if aceness negates being gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans or stands in contradiction to those terms somehow. and I think it's a shame, because there are so many interesting nuances in asexuality that aren't really considered, I think, that is for example that asexuality can walk hand in hand with kink, with sex, with same-gender attraction, with being flirtatious, and for that matter can be a temporal thing, can be related to trauma, or to repression, or to some other outside force (is it a hot take that celibacy and asexuality overlap idk, but i think celibacy has been used to describe many an experience of which asexuality is definitely a major one), and yes, some figures appear to never have had an interest in sex at all and been fine with that, while either still having close romantically read relationships or perhaps arguably being aromantic as well (or indeed, the other way around).

it comes back around I think to the idea that some queer people have that asexuality is a bit.. boring really. a bit less cool and groundbreaking than other ways of challenging the status quo, and (let's be real) a bit less queer. all of which is false of course, and a symptom of ones own internalised queerphobia and policing of acceptable queer behaviours, but I do get a bit sad having followed history nerds in queer spaces, at seeing that unchallenged reaction again and again. it's recreating the need for boxes, as if a. history was ever clear cut enough for modern concepts around the labels we have (if they even used those labels to being with) and b. we're not that clear cut and that's part of the point

let asexuality into your heart and learn its philosophies, the same as any other chapter of queer philosophy enriches our understanding of ourselves and histories

[filthytheodeckerkinnie]

Personally, I think the most annoying thing I see people do when it comes to writing Jon is that they assume he has NO relationship experience

Like the amount of fanfiction I’ve seen where he’s described as having never kissed anyone (despite his ex girlfriend LITERALLY being in the show)

The man is like 30. He’s Just A Guy who happens to be asexual, he can have SOME experience with relationships you guys

[octever]

Just because one group is focused on more doesn't mean another is less oppressed.

Just because (allo)aces are focused on more DOES NOT mean that aros(allos) have it better.

AT LEAST aces have the opportunity to partner up, some aros may do that too but in general (generalizing is bad but just let me say this) there are societal and economic benefits to having at least some kind of partner. AROALLOS AND ALLOACES ARE NOT THE SAME.

Kind of all over the place but I hope I got my point across.

[morallygay]

Because I love bi / ace solidarity here is a list of some things we have in common :)

-being treated as LGBT Lite

-not considered queer enough for the queer community, considered too queer for the allocishets

-being invalidated

-“it’s not real”

-“it’s just a phase”

-“you’re not oppressed”

-people arguing we have some sort of “straight passing privilege”

-biphobia/aphobia being considered less important than homophobia/transphobia,.. and easily brushed aside and excused, while the former two are (rightfully) seen as dealbreakers

[screm404]

that's it. next person to say "aros aren't queer" gets hanged by the gallows from Town of Salem.

[celebduwen]

TWI volume 10 spoilers ahead (minor, non-main story/side chapter, not major plot point or anything at all)

Ok so it was a couple chapters ago now, but can I just mention how well the Hedault thing was tackled (at least in my opinion)

He practically comes out as aroace, or well, at least aro and like ahxownfowbfowb

He says that his lack of romance and that pesky sexual attraction doesn’t take anything from his life, but enriches it, lets him truly focus on what he burns for.

Pirateaba did this scene wonderfully. Especially when another conclusion some people would have made, him being gay, is explicitly denied. They literally say (I don’t remember whom) “it’s okay to like men” (not verbatim) and he says that it’s not it.

This is the kind of representation that we (at least I) want, it says what it is, doesn’t feel the need to use terminology, which frankly wouldn’t exist for an identity that even our world, lesser and younger it may be, only was thought of to exist quite recently in the grand scheme of things.

It denies the “oh, not straight, let’s ship them gay then”

It says “putting this character in a relationship is the same as putting a canonically solely gay character in a straight relationship” in my mind. Even though that might not be the actual meaning of it I want to feel that way, for however much it may be worth.

A lot of our rep, (the stuff that is explicitly stated or implied and everything and whatever) is often just glanced over and people say “oh yeah, they’re gay now.” Yes you’re entitled to your ships, yes ships often just explore character dynamics (perhaps), but when you have so little, even in queer media, you start grasping at the little straws, even as they’re taken out of your hands by your bigger more well known and accomplished sibling.

[ahalliance]

peoples brains are genuinely so small when it comes to the concept of gender n sexuality labels, why did i see so many people fail to understand how the doctor could POSSIBLY like both women and men (and also neither and more) yesterday . first off bisexual people exist, but also we’ve JUST come off an episode where the doctor is shown to be genderfluid non-binary, surely we can understand that their attraction is both an all encompassing and fluctuating thing as well