#so i'm having trouble functioning cause anxiety.

[kdramaxoxo]

Thoughts on hybe that has the majority of sm shares?

I totally don't because I didn't even know that until you said it ;-)

I don't keep track of company stuff generally and even though I LOVE BTS and will stan them till I die, I am never loyal to large companies. Corporations tend to be good until they get big and then turn evil in my experience ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'll have to look up the SM thing!

Oh I'm sorry anon, that opinion is NOT what you asked for lol!

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲: easy tips to form healthy habits ( based on this alessya farrugia video )

lately i've been having trouble being productive and finding a healthy balance between study, passions, exercise and free time. i've been searching for a long time online for advices and ideas that could help me find my serenity, and my searches led me to this. i hope you appreciate it.

pro tip do not try to improve everything all at once, you're gonna fail. just try to incorporate something small in your routine to start forming healthy habits. it might take months, but one year from now it will all be worthy.

𝟭. don't hit snooze ( ⏰ )

the "snooze" button is definitely my worst enemy, i simply don't want to get up and start a new day that will be tiring and hard, but when i realized the reasons why putting off the alarm is so harmful for me i seriously started to stop doing it. you will actually wake up even more tired and sleep-deprived after the second or third alarm goes off, since falling back to sleep after having already woken up causes your brain to begin a new "sleep cycle" that takes 75 minutes to complete, abruptly interrupting these cycles brings unpleasant side effects such as tiredness, irritability and headaches.

bonus start waking up at the same time every day, this will not only help consolidate your routine but is scientifically proven that it significantly reduces levels of anxiety and depression.

𝟮. don't check your phone (📱)

i've always spent at least an hour scrolling through social media right after waking up every day, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's not exactly the healthiest thing in the world. do not go on your phone for at least 30min/1h after waking up. i know it seems hard ( i have a severe phone addiction so i understand ) but i guarantee you that your days will be so much more stress free and productive. why? going on your phone as soon as you wake up gives you an instant hit of dopamine ( for more info, check this post ) that is gonna literally ruin your day, because your brain is gonna pretend more and more dopamine for the rest of the day in order to function properly.

𝟯. have a glass of water ( 🫗 )

you didn't drink for 8 hours or more so it's time to rehydrate your body. i hate drinking water as soon as i wake up so you can try adding some lemon juice to give it more taste, you can also try some herbal tea if it's winter and you don't feel like drinking cold water first thing in the morning, but avoid caffeine ( and theine ) for at least one hour after waking up. exactly like the hit of dopamine that your phone gives you, caffeine and similar stimulants will have the same effect on your body.

𝟰. have a cold shower ( 🚿 )

ok, i'm not one of those gurus who tells you to get up at 5 in the morning, take an ice bath and run 12 km before 7am, but switching to cold water for the last two minutes of your morning shower will have some benefits invaluable for you and your body. first of all it helps to wake you up, because it stimulates the nerve endings and makes the brain more active, it also helps to tone the skin and make the hair shinier. it's a difficult thing, but doing something like this in the morning will help your brain cope better with the workload during the day. it also reduces stress and anxiety, since the cold can activate the production of endorphins ( known as "happy hormones" ).

𝟱. physical and mental care ( 💕 )

take five or ten minutes to just look after yourself, do skincare - it doesn't have to be a deep session, just a little moisturizer and lip balm -, meditate, journal, cut out a few minutes from your morning routine where you leave out for a while all the negative thoughts, stress and anxiety, your body is your temple and you must treat it with reverence, your mind is your home, your safe place, and deserves your attention.

𝟲. get direct sunlight ( ☀️ )

apply some sunscreen and go get some sunlight, the benefits are so many that i couldn't list them all: i quote, production of vitamin D ( very important especially if you are a woman ), improved mood and, in general, physical and mental health, sleep regulation, improved skin. i know it's not always possible, especially in winter when there is very little sun, but for example if you have the chance to walk to school or work on a beautiful sunny spring day, take it!

𝟳. make the bed ( 🛏️ )

why should i make my bed if i'm going to have to sleep in it in the evening anyway? well, this is the mistake that i very often make and i admit that i am guilty of it. however, not making the bed is exactly the reason that pushes me to go back there immediately and sleep again. making your bed in the morning as an act of discipline will not only improve your self-esteem and make you less want to go back to sleep, but it will make your room seem cleaner and generally improve your environment, making you feel more productive and satisfied. completing that little task in the morning, even if it's small and simple, will give you motivation and will push you through the day.

𝟴. high-proteine breakfast ( 🥞 )

make sure you eat a balanced, protein-rich breakfast that will keep you feeling full until your next meal. it is useless to limit calories especially in the morning when we need an extra boost, this will only make us feel more tired and irritable and will significantly decrease our productivity.

[mdhwrites]

how do you feel about disability rep in the owl house? Anyway it could've been done better? Cause as someone who is neurodivergent (autism) I felt like Luz's arc had unfortunate implications ('shes literally neurodivergent and a Minor' type vibes and mixed in with the whole fantasy vs reality themes and it came off as telling neurodivergent people to reject reality or like we wouldn't be hindered in the slightest by our disabilities in xyz worlds- which feels gross) but I could be reading into this too much. I also don't like how Hunter lost his 'disability' yeah you can compare it to getting a pacemaker or a mobility aid with his problem not being fixed but made better but that 'pacemaker' came at the cost of his best friend and his whole possession situation felt gratuitous to me. I'm really interested in seeing how Hunter could've been done better if you have any ideas

So I am going to try to be as calm and kind on this subject as I can. I feel like I've let a lot of heat come into my blogs lately that I try not to because I've been in distress. I am actually, legally disabled after all. It is the vast majority of my income, not helped by how randomly my brain will just break and I will have no way to get it to work again. I'm on the brink of another who knows how long run of my brain no longer functioning and am clawing to try and keep it together so I can do SOMETHING besides just ramble in these blogs. So I can keep writing or streaming rather than vanish. So this topic is important to me to put it extremely mildly.

To talk about this with The Owl House we kind of have to talk about each angle it takes on this subject one at a time. Eda and Hunter are two sides of the coin for this representation after all. I know you bring up Luz and yes, nuerodivergence can be disabling but if we want to talk about disability, I don't think Luz is actually a part of the conversation. If she is, it's for the theoretical representation of depression in S3 when she is at her worst as a character. People like to claim trauma and depression for why it's okay that she's constantly lying, or why she tries to abandon an entire world despite admitting it's her fault it's in trouble. She is her absolute worse self in that time and... If that is the rep we get for mental illness, I'll wait another five years. I don't want someone who is entirely apathetic to others and makes excuses for their actions to be the one who represents me, not when I hear that shit from assholes on the news too much already.

We'll start positive and head down from there. Eda actually starts out great. With regular medication and self care, she is able to live a fairly normal life. I have admittedly criticized in the past that there is no cure for the curse, that Eda is a slowly ticking time bomb who only through death will not end up harming all of those around her eventually, but I actually want to rescind that. As a dramatization of the anxiety that especially mental disability brings about of that day when everything breaks, even if it never comes, it works. It's within the confines of the fantasy genre and isn't demonized but sympathized that she has to work so hard to hold this back. But she can and she stands strong despite it, stronger than most in her situation in a way that is inspirational.

Then we get our first slip up with her at the end of S1. In order to find reprieve, to come back from the edge... She shares her disability. Her peace of mind, her ability to be a human being, comes at the cost of another person. I say slip up though because one could argue it's dramatization of the communal help that many disabled people need. I worked as a Home Care Aid at one point for someone in a wheelchair. My own family helps me because I am a complete mess of a person. I do my best to be able to function entirely on my own but when you are literally incapable of being a functional human being... Yeah, help is good. Do I like how high of a cost it comes for Lilith? Not really, nor the fact that she becomes disabled in the same way because some people do think disability and mental illness is contagious but I'm willing to let it slide for the sake of dramatization.

Affearances genuinely course corrects to show the small ways in which Eda deals with her illness not just with medication but also understanding of it. Her need to stay calm, the ways she tries to center herself, all so the medication is more of a stabilizer and last resort. That is genuinely good.

Then... A point I'm torn on. In the episode itself, I do not mind the formation of Harpy Eda. The process of coming to not just deal with but accept your disability is big and hard and you can come out the other side feeling like a new person. One could even see the Harpy form like that and even the deals we make with our disability to let ourselves do more like in Eclipse Lake. I'll even retract old heat I gave this for implying your disability can be a superpower because it fits within the genres of fantasy. I will even admit part of this kindness comes from writing this myself and realizing that it's just more fun and exciting to let the disability have upsides to it rather than treat it as purely debilitating.

No, my bigger issue comes from the fact that it is the end of it as a disability. Eda is essentially cured besides some lip service and if they were going to go that route, they should have just said it. In the finale, she loses to the curse in a deeper way than we have EVER seen before... And then freed from it like it's just a snap of her fingers. Harpy Eda is literally just a super form, not her having to genuinely deal with the illness, especially as it just becomes the way she fights. I do approve of the idea of showing that you CAN get better from this stuff, some people do, but it makes me wish they'd just said that. Just admitted that her coming to accept it was the final step. Would that have been realistic? No but I've showcased how many times already how much this rep relies on dramatization? Give us the feel good ending of Eda having mastered it, explicitly, instead of just letting it be up in the air and used for cheap drama in the finale. That makes the whole thing feel almost exploitative because if I lose it like Eda lost it in the finale... I can't just turn that off. I get to be terrified and shaken and have that day firmly implanted into my mind for the rest of my life. For the show, it was shock value instead and I'm not okay with that.

Speaking of things I'm not okay with, let's talk about the other side of this coin: Hunter. Now remember that I was willing to give grace to some elements... Except now they're reinforced by a second character sometimes and that makes it a lot harder to shrug off. We'll get there when we get to Flapjack though.

No, where I actually want to start with for him isn't even that he has a disability, it's actually with Willow. She tries to make it out like being a late bloomer is the same as NEVER being able to do this. Like telling a paraplegic person you understand their pain because you had a cast once. I've had someone go "Yeah, it's hard for me to get out of bed too but I always manage it," while trying to motivate me to just power through anxiety that was LITERALLY CHOKING ME and I wanted to punch them in the face. And this is the start of your ROMANCE PLOT. The core thing that tells the audience that these two are going to get close and get together.

In one scene, it becomes SUPER clear that there is no one on this writing team that actually understands what the fuck it means to be disabled. The nice portion of the blog is over.

Okay, let's actually pull back. I will give Hunter this: In his early scenes, he genuinely comes across as someone who has adapted to his physical disability and the limitations of it. His staff is his aid device and he makes up for lack of magic with increased athleticism. He is by all means, the most dextrous person we see in the entire show and genuinely, the show never takes that away from him. It's also just really easy to forget because the show doesn't exactly give a lot of chances for it to shine, not while it's mostly shitting on him or having the trained soldier lose to others, if he even seems much more physically capable than those around him at all.

But hey, how about first that aid device! We do recognize Luz takes his crutch, right? Like his staff is what takes away his handicap versus the rest of the Isles. That helps him overcome the limitations of his physical disability and an entire episode has the main character steal it from him and blackmail him with it. He is mildly annoyed about this for the entire episode, almost like not having the way that helps him feel normal doesn't mean much to him. It'd be like if in Affearances, Eda didn't get mad at her mom for taking her elixir because her elixir is the equivalent to Hunter's staff. Gwyndolen is demonized for this action while we're supposed to be on Luz's side because Hunter is a bad man who will do bad things if allowed his staff back. That... That isn't okay to me.

Btw, this isn't even the only time this happens in the show. Belos asks Luz to call him Philip. She calls him Belos. The show is really all for just being entirely disrespectful to someone's identity and personhood so long as you are morally better than them. What the fuck?

For the rest of S2, there's a really, REALLY bad flaw with having Huntlow be his ship. EVERY single one of Willow's episodes to some extent features how being a late bloomer, having struggled/struggling with magic, makes her feel like an outcast. That despite the fact that really she just wasn't great at this skill, she gets a lot of dramatic weight to this. Hunter... Doesn't. His disability is almost entirely ignored to prioritize the fact that he's a Grimmwalker or his relationship with Belos. It is just not a part of his character despite the girl he is blushing at explicitly making it clear that this society ABSOLUTELY looks down on Hunter. That not having magic makes you be less than anyone else. Hell, we get more of this from EDA AND LILITH in the first episode of S2 than we ever get from Hunter. The prejudice they are treated with and their struggles to deal with it while Hunter is at best all subtext.

This admittedly starts getting into how this show fucking hates men and how they are almost all at some point a joke, villain or both in their time. So... Yeah, Hunter not being given respect for his disability while the women are is hardly surprising.

The big thing that shatters EVERYTHING is of course Flapjack's sacrifice. You remember how I had to kind of work around how to make Eda making someone else disabled okay? Well now we have a second time where a disabled character is 'cured' to some extent of their disability... By the suffering of someone close to them. This time with literal death.

One of the worst prejudices that disabled people, of any sort but especially mentally disabled/ill people, have to face is that we are burdens and menaces to society. That we are more prone to hurting people than regularly abled people. That there is a price to having us around that everyone would not have to pay otherwise. If there is one thing you CANNOT do with your disability allegory, it is to make the disability cost someone else their life, figuratively or literally, unless you REALLY plan to examine what the fuck that means. TOH does both, once with Flapjack and once with Lilith respectively.

In order to be 'normal', it literally costs Hunter the life of his best friend. In order to be saved from the extremes of her illness, Eda cripples her sister. What the fuck are you supposed to take away from that? And there is no way to square this with it just being a fantastical representation of something. It's not just making the consequences of disability more extreme or reflecting the shared burden that can sometimes be our existence and our need for support. Being cured should be joyous. Instead, it's melancholic, not for the grief of your existence inherently changing, Hunter is meant to purely celebrate that he now has magic, but because it came at extreme cost to other people.

In that one moment, paired with Lilith, I can't approve of TOH as disabled representation. There is no way for me to ever square it, just like how Luz using depression as an excuse to be the worst version of herself makes me not okay with her as nuerodivergent representation. Not when it doesn't explore this stuff and even tries to celebrate and say this is correct, since Luz is never criticized for her awful behavior during her angst arc and Hunter is made out to be better without his disability, no matter the cost.

I am fine if you don't want to show clean or nice representation of these things. Not all disabled people are nice. Not all nuerodivergent people are functional. There is a wide spectrum to our experiences but to take the worst elements of your representation and give them the most narrative weight is BAD. Even Eda suffers from this. Her taking care of herself is mostly in passing. Way more weight is given to Eda not being able to take care of herself. To how missing her medication by even an hour makes her a danger to everyone around her, or even susceptible to manipulation like when King uses her transforming 80% into the Owl Beast. Suddenly, the fact that she manages her condition like many disabled people do feels really overshadowed by the constant reminders, and literal showings, of the danger she poses to those she cares about most. The cost of allowing us to continue to participate in society, the damage we do to others, the harm that comes from a bad day from us, is so much harder to ignore when those are the elements that your work decides to focus on. It especially sucks because it hardly focuses on the pain and incapability of the condition, just the danger. It's all about what it will do to others and not the agony it inflicts on the person who has it.

TOH is bad with almost all of its themes and attempts to be progressive and this is no different. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I am going to assume that it's the same person who sent me essentially a variation of this ask like five times. If you are that worried about me responding, the Discord is where you will get a MUCH faster response, especially since I am kind of trying to pull back from TOH criticism. It has been genuinely kind of nice to talk about other things recently.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[zoeykallus]

Hi there! I love your headcanons and I was wondering if I could make a personal request. Let me know if this is a no-go.

I have PMDD, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, basically PMS [premenstrual syndrome] but 20x worse. It usually resolves upon the onset of the crimson wave. But not all the time.

I have been struggling really badly with the deep depression, insomnia, and self-image issues brought on by my disorder.

Do you think we can see how the Batch handles their fem reader S/O struggling with this disorder specifically? And maybe, if it's not too much, a part 2 with some of our favorite regs?

Thank you so much!

Aloha my dear!

Oh, this is a heavy hitter, I know where you are coming from. So many people out there have no idea how freaking much this can affect someone's life. PMS is already a hard thing to deal with, but PMDD brings it to yet another really shitty level. Don't worry, I got you 😊

The Bad Batch x Afab!Reader HCs - Struggling With PMDD

Warnings: Mention of PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) and its symptoms /Hurt/Comfort/Fluff

_______

AC: I'm using Techs Part first to introduce PMDD and its symptoms to those who might not know what it is. So don't be surprised about Tech's Part being longer than the others, there is a lot of information in there. So please read Tech's part, to understand what this is all about 😊

_______

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_______

Tech

The first experiences he has with you in this context are frightening for him. Apart from the fact that you suddenly seem like a completely different person to him, he is really worried about you. But Tech wouldn't be Tech if he didn't get to the bottom of this.

It takes him a little while to find the right material.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a much more severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). It may affect women of childbearing age. It’s a severe and chronic medical condition that needs attention and treatment. Lifestyle changes and sometimes medicines can help manage symptoms.

The exact cause of PMDD is not known. It may be an abnormal reaction to normal hormone changes that happen with each menstrual cycle. The hormone changes can cause a serotonin deficiency. Serotonin is a substance found naturally in the brain and intestines that narrows blood vessels and can affect mood and cause physical symptoms.

What are the risk factors for PMDD?

While any woman can develop PMDD, the following may be at increased risk:

Women with a family history of PMS or PMDD  

Women with a personal or family history of depression, postpartum depression, or other mood disorders

Other possible risk factors include lower education and cigarette smoking

Talk with your healthcare provider for more information.

"Healthcare provider?" he mumbles softly between reading, "As if any of us have such a thing"

Symptoms of PMDD appear during the week before menstruation and end within a few days after your period starts. These symptoms disrupt daily living tasks. Symptoms of PMDD are so severe that women have trouble functioning at home, at work, and in relationships during this time. This is markedly different than other times during the month.

There is a chart with symptoms and he worriedly starts to read it.

The following are the most common symptoms of PMDD:

Psychological symptoms

Irritability

Nervousness

Lack of control

Agitation

Anger

Insomnia

Difficulty in concentrating

Depression

Severe fatigue

Anxiety

Confusion

Forgetfulness

Poor self-image

Paranoia

Emotional sensitivity

Crying spells

Moodiness

Trouble sleeping

Fluid retention

Swelling of the ankles, hands, and feet

Periodic weight gain

Diminished urine output

Breast fullness and pain

Respiratory problems

Allergies

Infections

Eye complaints

Vision changes

Eye infection

Gastrointestinal symptoms

Abdominal cramps

Bloating

Constipation

Nausea

Vomiting

Pelvic heaviness or pressure

Backache

Skin problems

Acne

Skin inflammation with itching

Aggravation of other skin disorders, including cold sores

Neurologic and vascular symptoms

Headache

Dizziness

Fainting

Numbness, prickling, tingling, or heightened sensitivity of arms and/or legs

Easy bruising

Heart palpitations

Muscle spasms

Other

Decreased coordination

Painful menstruation

Diminished sex drive

Appetite changes

Food cravings

Hot flashes

His brows are drawn together critically. With a heavy sigh, he says quietly to himself, "Oh boy…"

Tech makes it his business to see that you are examined by a proper doctor, given appropriate medication, and change your diet. He sometimes seems stern and matter-of-fact, but only when he notices you neglecting yourself. Tech also pampers you to counteract the psychological symptoms, with picnics, massages and the like.

Don't worry too much, Tech's got your back. He won't give up on you.

Hunter

His senses already tell him what connections exist with your condition. But of course he is not a doctor and therefore informs himself accordingly without your knowledge, Tech helps him. What he learns frightens him, Hunter is really worried, and he makes it his mission to make this time, these symptoms, easier for you. Apart from making sure you always have the medication you need at hand, he is also much more attentive and caring than usual during this time.

You can let yourself go and not have to worry about anything, Hunter takes everything in hand and has it under control. He is especially gentle and forgiving with you during this time. You mean a lot to him, and he does his absolute best to help you.

He doesn't argue with you when you get your moods, if you want to be alone he respects that, but keeps an eye on you from a safe distance, just in case.

Echo

This sweet man really throws himself into the task of helping you. Whether it's getting your medications, preparing food, massages, and running relaxing baths, Echo has it all covered.

With him by your side, you will want for nothing during this difficult time. He is also not easily scared away, he is as patient as he is stubborn. You don't have to go to the doctor alone, Echo will accompany you.

He organizes your medication, your diet and everything else you need, if you want. If you don't, you must tell him clearly, because Echo will automatically see his task in taking care of everything.

Wrecker

He is warm, and lively. Contrary to the expectations of most, he is also very sensitive and attentive. Of course, he does not miss the fact that something is wrong with you. Of course, he is worried and wants to help.

Talk to him honestly, try not to withdraw, and you will have a steadfast supporter and caretaker in Wrecker. He likes to spoil you, make sure you are taken care of and have your medication.

Wrecker is happy to adapt to you, you just need to communicate with him and let him know what you need. Taking care of you is very easy for him, he likes to do that. Knowing that he can make things easier for you is also good for him in this situation. So confide in him, there is absolutely no reason to pretend in front of him.

Crosshair

He is a bit more complicated at first. Of course, you are incredibly important to him, and he also has a certain empathy, but he often stands in his own way when it comes to emotional, interpersonal things.

At first, he can't really deal with it at all and is looking for some distance at this time. But in a small conversation between brothers, in which Hunter makes it clear to him that his behavior sooner or later can seriously damage your relationship, Crosshair first informs himself more precisely about the existing problem. Finally, he approaches you with the knowledge he has gathered and tries to discuss with you what you can do together as a couple, what he can do as your partner to make the whole thing easier for you.

You talk about medications, doctor visits, relaxation techniques, and home remedies to combat some symptoms. It doesn't take long for the two of you to work out a certain routine that you can both manage and that he can use to help you get through this time okay.

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

[queenofthursday6599-blog]

You know, when I think about Arcane I can't help but think about the fact that I'm not a huge fan of how Vander handled things.

I mean his heart was definitely in the right place, he wanted to protect his children and his people, but to be honest there were moments where I felt like he was very confidently doing the wrong thing.

Specially in a child rearing sense. Now I just want to put it out there, that we the audience are shown a biased depiction of Vander.

Just about every scene he's in he's surrounded by his people who (mostly) look to him for protection, his children who adore him, or his enemies who are literal drug lord gang leader bad guys and corrupt policemen. Who are not humanized by the story until after his death.

For one there's Vi's pretty obvious eldest daughter syndrome, which Vander does nothing to try and curb. In fact I feel like in most of their scenes together Vander is treating this unhealthy dynamic as Vi being her sibling's leader and that she therefor needs to take more responsibility for them.

Even though I feel like Vander teaching Vi that way of thinking caused a lot of problems for all of the kids.

Sure it's great when your kids can work together, but there shouldn't be a pecking order among them, and if there is you shouldn't encourage it.

Vander fully expects Vi to take responsibility for Powder(which makes some level of sense considering she's 4-ish years younger than Vi), but also Mylo and Claggor, who are both the same age as her.

Meaning that if Vander trusts Vi to look after herself (and Powder) I feel like he should be able to trust Mylo and Claggor to look after themselves.

Vi should not be saddled with the responsibility of being in charge of her siblings, who are literally the same age as her.

If Vander is going to be reprimanding Vi for getting into trouble, he should be getting on to Mylo and Claggor just as much.

Sure Mylo and Claggor mention that Vander is going to be upset, but it's very obvious that the majority of the responsibility rests on Vi's shoulders.

Which, sure they look up to Vi and listen to what she has to say and what she thinks they should be doing.

But if it's to the point where Vander thinks it's gotten to the point that they will literally blindly follow Vi into dangerous situations because she said so. Then I feel like it's time for Vander to have a sit down with the rest of his kids and have the very important "Thinking for yourself" talk.

It's- You can't raise your children to just blindly follow their oldest sibling their entire life, and raise the oldest child to be the caretaker of the rest of their siblings their entire life.

Yeah, Vi needs to think things through a bit more, because the other kids look up to her a lot, and will go along with whatever her plans are, because they think she knows what she's doing and they trust her.

But also the other kids need to know how to assess things for themselves, rather than just blindly follow whatever it is Vi says, no matter how much they look up to her.

Like this man fully thinks that his 15 year old daughter, who clearly has problems with her temper and being impulsive herself, should also be responsible for her two adoptive brothers who are functionally the same age as her [one with a pretty obvious superiority/inferiority complex], alongside her younger sister who already has problems of some kind of anxiety.

Mylo and Claggor are just fully not held to the same standard as Vi in spite of being the same age, and literally getting into the exact same trouble. Their choice to go along with what Vi planned, is put onto Vi's shoulders when it shouldn't be, because if Vi is old enough to know better in Vander's mind, so are Mylo and Claggor.

If it was just Powder I could somewhat understand. She's younger, more impressionable, she idolizes Vi, she's not as strong or fast as the other three and if Vi forgot that at some point Powder could have gotten left behind or hurt.

You know the general "You need to be a good role model for your younger sibling because they look to you for guidance" stuff.

Like the fact that Vi feels the need to fight Piltover in order to secure a better life for Powder in Act 1 tells me so much just how parentified Vi is when it comes to Powder's care.

Which I do think originated from before Vander adopted the girls, to be fair to Vander. Vi gives off the vibe of looking after Powder having always been her responsibility.

To be unfair to Vander, I don't think he did anything to try and undo Vi's over responsible and over protective mindset when it came to Powder after adopting them.

[rebeccadewinterthinks]

Good omens The Book of life Conspiracy theory Part 4

the previous parts of this theory you can read here: part 1, part 2, part 3

4. Is he lying or not?

I'm not an expert on brain function, but when Gabriel comes to the bookshop, he behaves like a person who has lost their memory. You believe that he doesn't know who he is, where he is, and what he's doing here. He reacts and behaves like a curious child. At the same time, he has a vague sense of anxiety and a vague sense of recognition of Aziraphale, and all of this seems quite natural. However, at a certain point, it started to seem to me that Gabriel is lying. Let's start with the fact that he suddenly stopped asking questions, he no longer asks: who am I? how do you know me? who are you? what miracles are happening here? A person who has lost their memory is only interested in book trading and gravity, really?

Review the listed episodes. Don't you think the same as I do?

« – And now I will make a noise when I move around…»

He is clearly trolling Aziraphale, smirking and walking away, very pleased with himself, it's obvious. He's not a child, but a self-satisfied bastard [06:25 Ep.2].

Aziraphale talks to the Archangels on the street in front of the bookshop [12:45 Ep.2]:

The door opens, and Gabriel appears, loudly and joyfully declaring that he is Jim, the bookseller's assistant. Why would a person who has lost their memory, who knows that something terrible awaits him, loudly come out onto the street in front of strangers? Maybe because this is Gabriel-with-memory, who, of course, recognized the ones who came, understands that a hiding miracle of immense power has been performed, and is now simply testing the limits? When the miracle passes its final test (Michael doesn't recognize Gabriel up close), he mockingly calls after the angels:

« – What...what about me? Uh, guys, shouldn't you keep a close eye on me too?»

very recognizable audacity and self-assurance.

there is a theory that an angel cannot be punished outside of Heaven. After all, in the first season, Aziraphale had to be kidnapped first and then executed by Heaven. So, Gabriel, having regained his memory, must realise that with all his powers, he is practically invulnerable on Earth. This is indirectly confirmed in episode 6 when representatives of Hell and Heaven demand that the escapees be handed over to them. It seems like they are right in front of you, punish them all you want. By the way, humans don't have such problems, only Crowley's intervention saves Maggie and Nina from immediate transformation into salt pillars.

however, it's possible that Gabriel is just a very audacious son of a bitch.

there are more obvious signs that the fugitive is mentally sound: you can't fool Crowley so easily [21:24 Ep.2]. He carefully listens to the nonsense that Gabriel is spouting and says:

I think at that moment the Archangel realizes that it's better not to push Crowley further, "shines" his eyes, and delivers a biblical phrase. Think about it, if ALL his memory is in the fly, where did this piece come from? Well, the trick worked, and they back off.

Gabriel blurts out a prophecy about the Second Coming [38:45 Ep.3]:

«– There will come a tempest, and darkness, and great storms. And the dead will leave their graves and walk the earth once more. And there will be great lamentations. Everyday it's getting closer.»

Is this a conscious attempt to warn? Or a random trigger on the word «tempest»? The only thing that's clear is that his memory is with him again.

conversation with Crowley [41:35 Ep.3]:

« – You have no idea the trouble you're causing, do you? - No. Or yes. Or...no. - Yeah, I'll tell you something Jim, or Gabriel, if you're there somewhere. If any harm comes to Aziraphale because of this, I will…»

And Gabriel listens. VERY carefully. And he looks like he understands everything.

Crowley comes into the Archangel's room [14:20 Ep.5].

The demon openly berates him. Gabriel is visibly nervous. When Crowley says that Aziraphale wasn't at the execution, Gabriel asks in surprise, «He wasn't there?"». Not the reaction you would expect from someone who doesn't understand what's being talked about, right? And it becomes even stranger when Gabriel almost jumps out of the second-floor window. For a person, with or without memory, that's guaranteed injury (the floor is high, and there's asphalt below), and the action is completely senseless. But for an Archangel, such a jump poses no threat, but it's an excellent way to escape from an extremely unpleasant conversation. Then Crowley demands that Gabriel remember. He replies:

«– I don't have my memory. – Well, where is your memory, then? – In a matchbox. No, I took it out, first. I took it and put it in the box and I brought it here… And now it's everywhere.»

First of all, how do you know all this? Secondly, what do you mean, everywhere? It's no longer in the fly? You don't want to admit that you've already got it back, do you? I have a theory as to why the memory (partially) could have leaked back into Gabriel's head. And also why he doesn't hurry to get away from the bookshop, even though Heaven is already on his heels.

the part 5 is here

[sahhr-studiesmed]

Teachers/Professors are useless.

Now that is a very provocative title to keep but hear me out.

In my short span of life. I have come to realise that most teachers are equipped to help only those that do not cause any "trouble".

They failed to help me when I was in the worst of my state because they didn't know how to help someone with depression and severe anxiety. They didn't know how to teach someone who couldn't focus and whatever they told me— it would only work for those who didn't struggle with any of it i.e. those students who were normal.

That is the point I'm trying to make.

They don't know how to help those that are not in the bracket of normal and the advice they give, the things they teach of the mundane, their teaching methods none of it helps those who don't fall in normal.

The thing that happens is quite the opposite. The things they do instead harm the individual because now you have a person who would have done better if guided by an individual who went through the same thing.

The ones who don't understand it and have never experienced it will never be able to help as well as someone who has experienced otherwise.

The example I have is a fresh one— I struggled a lot but I somehow made it to med school. It was a joke of a selection really because I barely made it in reality but it didn't matter because all those who mocked me could only see that I had made it and not how I made it. I made it by a miracle that I made to happen because I was strategic in my final moments.

And then I came here and forgot all about who I was and what I struggled with because I was surrounded by those who didn't. I began listening to professors and in all honesty forgot that I was someone who is "barely functional".

And my depression and anxiety came back slowly but surely. That's how it has been for me for a while.

The professors here make me angry because med school is the cesspool of Mentally sick people— cunning, clever, selfish and sick people. People that make you sick to the core.

I had forgotten that I'm supposed to follow my own advice, listen to advice of those people that can actually help me and not work as to how the professors expect me to work.

That is where I failed. I failed when I decided to chase perfection after the professors talked me into it. They addressed the entire class and I forgot that I'm not the majority. It wasn't like they knew anything about me individually and yet addressed in generalization and I forgot that I'm not supposed to follow anything they say regarding performing.

And I wish it was an option— which professor you wanted to be around and which you didn't.

I'm the minority with the struggle and 95% of their "ideals of an ideal student", " how to work", "what to work", "how to be" and anything they say won't help me but will in the long term make things utterly difficult for me.

So I don't know what else to say other than that professors/teachers are quite useless to me because they can't help me, not even if they tried. Their perceptions are too fixed. Their way of working and beliefs cannot change and I'm one of the casualties of it in many ways.

[loominggaia]

I wonder how Cerulea's kids would get along with Oberon's kids? Or Marghan?

Good question! I doubt Cerulea allows her kids to interact with foreign nobles in their leisure time, but I'm sure they do interact sometimes at international royal galas. These galas can take place anywhere on Gaia, most often at castles or convention centers. They're opportunities for nobles to network with eachother, find spouses for their heirs, and show off their wealth.

Lazuline: Would probably get along well with Winnie because they're both quiet, nerdy, and bookish. Marghan would annoy her and Hestal would absolutely disgust her.

Saphirra: Would totally go clubbing with Blomi and Marghan. Thinks Jaq is hot and tries to slob his knob every time she sees him, but he's not having it. One, because he's not really attracted to women. Two, because she's creepy in an uncanny "Stepford Wives" kind of way. Three, because he heard what happened to her eight ex-husbands and is smart enough to realize this ho is straight up radioactive lol.

Teal: Refuses to get chummy with any of these dirty barbaric foreigners because Mommy Dearest(tm) wouldn't like it. Makes a show of acting really rude to them at galas, but only when Cerulea is watching. It's only a matter of time before she triggers Hestal's bad temper and he upends a whole feast table on top of her. Not "if", but "when".

Cyana: She's intrigued by Marghan because he has the wild, free, adolescence she wishes she had. I could see her naively following him around and getting into trouble because of it. She'd also get along with OJ because they're both misunderstood and have a ton of parental pressure on them. Also, a couple different people have said they think OJ is nonbinary (he must have a vibe or something lol), and if that's the case then Cyana might relate to him on that level, as Oberon would not accept OJ's gender identity just like Cerulea wouldn't accept Cyana's homosexuality.

Marine: She and Trista would be BFFs. Trista has a dominant, manipulative personality and Marine is more of a naïve follower, so I imagine they have a "Rocky and Mugsy" dynamic going on. They're destructive enough alone, but together they become an unstoppable storm of chaos. They cause a scene at every royal gala they attend, and their antics destroyed an entire convention center at least once. Trista would try to convince Marine to help her kill her little brother Nate, and Marine is so desperate for friendship that she'd probably agree to it. (But of course Marine fucks up everything she does, so she sabotages Trista's plans and Natey Potatey lives to see another day!)

Skylie: Skylie is a friendly and polite girl who gets along with just about everyone she meets (or at least tries to). She finds foreign people fascinating because she's always sheltered in her little palace life. She would be particularly interested in Winnie because they both love reading. Skylie would want to help Blomi solve the Mystery of the Wailing Halls in Folkvar Castle, and together they might just free Sygbarne from her tower. One person Skylie doesn't get along with is the little brat Trista, and she would try to protect Nate from her. She would like to know the other royal offspring too, but since she's just a little girl, most of them aren't interested in talking to her...except Goryx, that evil fuck. He's a huge book nerd and so is Skylie, so I could imagine him preying on that to lure her into joining the Crescent Cult. Promising her unlimited knowledge and power, and she gets to wear a pretty mask! Skylie's read too many fantasy books about evil wizards to fall for his bullshit though. She probably kicks him in the nuts, tells security, and gets him booted from the function lol.

Cobalt: Nate and Trista are the only ones remotely close to Cobalt's age, but I don't think he'd get along with them because they actually act like kids, and he acts like...well, a highly neurotic adult. This kid's anxiety is so bad and his childhood is so strict. Especially since his mother and grandmother scare him with Lindist scripture, telling him how evil non-commoners and foreigners are, so he'd be terrified of everyone he encountered.

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

Read the Series

[phantompoguefangirl]

WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER

Chapter Eight: RECOVERY

Oh, Florida, please be still tonight

Don't disturb this love of mine

Look how she's so serene

You've gotta help me out

And count the stars to form the lines

And find the words we'll sing in time

I wanna keep her dreaming

It's my one wish

I won't forget this

I'm outdated, overrated

Morning seems so far away

So I'll sing a melody

An hope to God she's listening

Sleeping softly while I sing

And I'll be your memories

Your lullaby for all the times

Hoping that my voice could get it right

If luck is on my side tonight

My clumsy tongue will make it right

And wrists that touch

It isn't much but it's enough

To form imaginary lines

Forget your scars

We'll forget mine

The hours change so fast

Oh, God, please make this last

-I Swear This Time I mean It by Mayday Parade

MICHAEL P.O.V:

While Mia was still in the hospital, the boys and I moved most of her stuff to our house. Ash had brought his friend Sierra with him because she knew Mia pretty well from previous times they hung out and she wanted to help. She took care of the more personal stuff for Mia and brought her a change of clothes to come home in when it was time.

I decided to give up my room for Mia and sleep in Calum's room so she could have her own space. Calum agreed so we put all her stuff in my room and made it look nice for her.

Mia ended up having to be in a wheelchair when she was discharged from the hospital. She could not walk at first and had trouble lifting/moving her arms very much. The doctor said even a few days being unconscious or in a coma could affect Mia's muscle tone and physical abilities quite a lot and with injuries she had, it would be worse. He assigned her to physical therapy and gave us a list of things we could do to help her regain her strength and range of movement.

It was a good few months before Mia was able to walk and move like she used to. I took her to physical therapy twice a week, Sierra helped her with things like showering and getting dressed, and Ashton helped her with the home exercises on the list. Except one exercise, which was to have her stand in water for balance while helping her take steps or move different parts of her body and  once she was healed enough from her surgery, I did that with her as often as we were able to.

This was my favorite thing to do with her during that time because it was the exercise she responded to the most since she loved being in water whenever she could. We had our own pool so we got to do it at home and the guys never bothered us when we were in the pool. At the end of the session, I liked to hold her up so she could float on her back for a bit and relax. The best part was the joy and serenity radiating from her face combined with the way her hair billowed out around her like a halo of fire as she floated in my arms, basking in the feeling of the water and sunlight on her skin. It was quite honestly one of the most ethereal, beautiful things I had ever seen in my entire life.

It was also a very welcome change from the pain and anxiety that her eyes often conveyed. She tried to hide it with her usual positivity and smiles, but I saw through her completely. Relearning how to function while trying to heal emotionally from a traumatic event had been really rough on her.

The first night Mia was home with us, I woke up around 2 or 3am to the sound of her screaming. I'd bolted out of bed and stumbled through the door into what was now her room to find her thrashing around as though she was terrified of something I couldn't see.

"Hey, hey, hey," I said softly as I rushed quietly over to her. I knelt down and touched her shoulder gently, causing her to jump a little as she opened her eyes and took in my presence. "Hey, you're okay. It was just a dream."

"Michael?" She gasped, barely audible due to fear.

"I'm here," I whispered back, stroking her head and brushing her hair out of her face.

She managed to choke my name out again as she reached for me. I pulled her into my arms and rubbed her back as she hyperventilated uncontrollably.

"J-jesse...he- I-" she stuttered into my chest as I felt warm tears drip onto my skin.

"Shhh it's okay," I murmured into her ear as I wrapped my arms around her a little bit more. "It was just a dream. You're safe now, I promise."

I keep whispering reassurances to her and rubbing her back until she stopped shaking and her breathing slowed. I relaxed my arms a little and pulled back to look at her.

"Thank you," Mia mumbled, slowly raising her head to look at me.

"Of course. Any time," I replied, shrugging. Her phone lit up from a silent notification and I noticed the time on the screen so I started to pull my arms away from her. "Um, I should probably let you get back to sleep, though."

She pulled me close in response. "Nooo, don't go."

I raised my eyebrow, confused.

"I just...um...please stay," she said, hesitantly. "I don't want to be alone..."

"Oh...okay," I said, carefully climbing under the covers next to her. She placed her head on my chest and I held her close while running my fingers through her hair.

She didn't seem to fully relax until I began absentmindedly singing a MayDay Parade song under my breath. She fell asleep by the time I got to the second bridge of the song and I followed suit not long after. 

The nightmares happened every single night for the first few weeks, along with  random panic attacks at various times during the day. Ashton and Calum's rooms were on each side of Mia's room so it was usually me or Ash that ran and comforted her, but Calum did a few times and Luke did it whenever he was near her too. A couple of times Ash and I both ended up running to her at the same time so we both stayed to take care of her. We cuddled as a band plenty of times so it wasn't weird for us. We even had group movie nights where we all ended up cuddling and falling asleep together a few times.

Mia was also going to regular therapy along with her physical therapy. After some time, the nightmares and attacks began happening less often and when she was well enough, we decided to bring her on tour with us so she would not have to stay home alone. We also thought a change of scenery might be good for her.

She hadn't travelled much aside from moving here to Cali so she was very excited when we told her. Plus, you know, who wouldn't want to tour with their favorite band? So she spent the last few days before we left enthusiastically packing and planning things to do in our down time, nearly talking our ears off about it in the process.

I honestly thought it was adorable and I couldn't wait to show her all the cool places we've seen and share this experience with her.

@jetblackbritt13 @caityrayeraye

[theflannelwizard]

Oops, I lied about sending all my questions in one, I thought of an actually specific question and not just a super general one five seconds after sending the ask:

Do you have any neurodivergent hcs for Buster and Gob(or other characters if you hc anyone else as neurodivergent)?

This is such a good question!! Okay!! It got long so I'm putting it under the cut, but TLDR: undiagnosed comorbid autistm and ADHD for both of them plus ADHD Tony Wonder :) I forced myself not to get into it with the rest of the Bluths cause this post would be a mile long but i did put cursory thoughts about them in the tags. All of this is spitballing and I'm definitely open to hearing other opinions!

Whatever is going on with Buster’s brain is the same thing that’s going on with my brain, so most likely ADHD and/or autism but DEFINITELY undiagnosed. None of the Bluths have the diagnoses they need and if someone (Tobias) tries to so much as allude to them being neurodivergent in front of George Sr. and/or Lucille it gets shut down immediately.

Anyway Buster reads more autistic than ADHD to me but it could be either or both. He has trouble reading other people’s emotions and regulating his own, he’s “strange” and “childish” in ways that are direct responses to how he was raised but also just read as neurodivergent, he’s got safe foods and takes things literally and has no clue how to read social cues and stims and gestures vaguely at all of him is just so very ND. Also the thing with ADHD-havers being randomly struck with bouts of guilt or self loathing? I think that’s him. ADHD was recently reclassified as an anxiety disorder, too, which we know full well is Buster, and it would not surprise me if his panic and anxiety attacks were brought on by sensory overload and RSD and other ADHD things at least some of the time.

As for GOB, I think he’s got the same deal but he reads more ADHD than autistic. I think they both have both but it presents differently in each of them. I’m fully on board with both magic and bees being special interests for that man, and he also just moves and talks and interacts with people in a very neurodivergent way. The stuttering when he’s overwhelmed is, to me, adjacent to (if not straight up being) him going nonverbal. He definitely has RSD too, look at how devastated he is when anyone rejects him ever. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he was bipolar, getting manic when he’s really into a project and then falling into depression for weeks or months at a time.

And, just as a bonus, I think Tony Wonder has ADHD. He recognizes it in GOB and helps him with learn to function in a healthier happier way and his siblings are so confused cause GOB just magically started getting more normal?? Except it’s not magic (and it’s not an illusion lmao) it’s just coping mechanisms. Tony’s been collecting them from various therapists for like 30 years. He has no clue how anyone in this family thinks they’re neurotypical.

[uncloseted]

what does regulation your nervous system even mean? how important is it to mental health and healing, does it relate to being stuck in a “freeze” mindset? how do we even regulate it?

This is maybe a hot take, but I think that "nervous system dysregulation" is a term that scammy life coaches on the internet came up with to sell people courses they don't need and that aren't really evidence based. I know that seems kind of harsh, but let me explain.

To understand why I think that, we first have to understand how our nervous system actually works (sorry, but I promise it's important!). The autonomic nervous system acts unconsciously and is responsible for things like regulating heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, and sexual arousal. Our autonomic nervous system is split into two main parts (for the purposes of this discussion): the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system's main function is to activate the arousal responses that occur during the fight-or-flight response, which increases blood flow, especially to the muscle, heart, and brain tissues. The parasympathetic nervous system is in charge of "rest and digest" activities, such as salivation, lacrimation (tears), urination, digestion, and defecation. These systems work together to keep us alive, but there are a few different ways that those systems can go haywire.

Dysautonomia, or disorders that disrupt the automatic nervous system, is one way that our nervous system can stop working properly. Dysautonomia is when your body isn't automatically regulating things that should be automatic, like blood pressure, body temperature, breathing, digestion, heart rate, and sweating. People can develop dysautonomia as a result of a number of different medical conditions, including MS, Lyme Disease, POTS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Vitamin B12 deficiency, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (my people!), among others.

Emotional dysregulation , a symptom of mental health conditions where a person has trouble regulating their emotions, is also a Real Thing. People who have a difficult time regulating their emotions may have trouble altering their moods, become easily frustrated, be impulsive, have mood swings, or struggle with anger and irritability. PTSD, personality disorders, OCD, depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, autism, and ADHD can all cause difficulty regulating emotions. This isn't necessarily a nervous system problem per se, but it's what we might think of as run of the mill "dysregulation" that people experience.

Hypervigilance, a symtpom of mental health conditions where a person is constantly assessing potential threats around them, is also A Thing. This, I think, is closest to what people mean when they're talking about a "dysregulated nervous system". There's still debate about what causes PTSD from a neuroendocrinology standpoint, but the thought is that PTSD develops when a person has an over-reactive adrenaline response to a traumatic event. Their brain essentially stores things that are related to the traumatic event as "reasons to go into fight or flight mode", and as a result, their sympathetic nervous system puts the body into flight or fight mode more frequently than it should. The parasympathetic nervous system eventually kicks in and restores the person to homeostasis, but it may take longer for people with PTSD than without. This is all very simplified, but you didn't come here for a lecture on neuroscience, so I'm not going to bore you with more details.

So. This is pretty much where the scientific literature on nervous system regulation and dysregulation ends. You'll notice that "freeze" as an alternative to "fight or flight" doesn't come up. While "freeze" is a response to threats, it's mainly observed in prey animals, and it seems unclear if or how that behavior is present in humans, although some scientists speculate that a freeze response is present (at least from what I could find). So where does this idea that the average person has a "nervous system" that is "dysregulated" and "stuck in freeze mode" come from?

My best guess is that these ideas are based on something called "polyvagal theory" that was proposed by neuroscientist Stephen Porges in 1994. This theory suggests that the parasympathetic nervous system actually has two parts: a "ventral vagal system" which supports social engagement and self-soothing behaviors, and a "dorsal vagal system" which supports immobilization behaviours- not just "rest and digest" as we typically think, but also "defensive immobilization" (what we might call "freeze"). Other neuroscientists took this idea a step further, and made the claim that for people who have experienced trauma, their vagal system is dysregulated.

That all sounds reasonable, right? But the issue with it is that it just... doesn't appear to be the case. In a 2023 review of this theory, it was stated that, "there is broad consensus among experts […] that each basic physiological assumption of the polyvagal theory is untenable. Much of the existing evidence, upon which these consensuses are grounded, strongly indicates that the underlying polyvagal hypotheses have been falsified." It is, of course, possible that further research will validate this theory, but as it stands now, it appears to just not be the way that our brains work.

However, polyvagal theory is something that sounds like it would be true. It has a lot of science-sounding explanations behind it and a lot of high-profile proponents. There are even some therapists that have incorporated it into their work. And there are lots and lots of people online who want to teach you "how to regulate your nervous system" for the low low price of $675 USD.

Taking off my snarky hat for a second here, I do genuinely think that the people who are proponents of polyvagal theory think that it works. As I said, it sounds scientific and it intuitively feels like it makes sense. I think it's also reflecting something that a lot of people feel right now, which is a general unease with the world and a feeling like they don't know how to let themselves rest. I think a lot of the things that polyvagal therapists or coaches teach are probably valid strategies, and the polyvagal bit is kind of a "purple hat therapy". Things like "getting 7-9 hours of sleep", "deep breathing", "exercising", "taking tech-free time", "meditation", and "walking on grass" will probably make you feel better, whether they're "regulating your vagus nerve" or not. So in that sense, I don't think that it really matters why people are doing these things as long as they're doing them.

I will also say that regulating your nervous system when you're in the middle of a fight-or-flight response is a real thing with its own techniques. Especially for people who struggle with anxiety disorders or PTSD, having those regulation tools is incredibly important, and even for the average person, these tools can help us calm down when we're angry, frustrated, or upset. Emotional regulation tools can include things like deep breathing, using distraction techniques (like the 5-4-3-2-1 method), or using an intense sensation (like holding an ice cube or eating a sour candy) to jolt your brain away from the thing you're anxious about.

But if you're experiencing symptoms of "nervous system dysregulation", it's important to see a medical doctor and then a qualified mental health professional. What worries me about things like "nervous system dysregulation" is that people will write off serious concerns as something that can be solved by tapping on their vagus nerve and taking cold showers as opposed to something that needs attention from a medical professional. For example, if you're experienced something traumatic that has made you hypervigilant, that's something that you need to process with a mental health professional. If you're experiencing cognitive symptoms like difficulty concentrating and forgetfulness, that's something to bring up with a doctor in case there are other issues causing those symptoms, like a vitamin deficiency. If you're experiencing symptoms like lightheadedness upon standing, high blood pressure, or a fast or irregular heartbeat, that's something to bring up with a doctor in case there are other issues causing those symptoms, such as a connective tissue disorder. I could have easily written my symptoms off as "nervous system dysregulation" and never have known that I had a genetic connective tissue disorder until it was too late.

So, I guess the TL;DR here is that 1. the definition of nervous system regulation depends on who you ask and the context in which you ask it, but it generally means using techniques to calm down when a person is in a heightened emotional state, 2. it's important to mental health and healing in that these techniques can help you manage your emotions, especially if you deal with anxiety or PTSD, 3. nervous system regulation is related to a "freeze" mindset if you are a proponent of polyvagal theory, where they believe that regulating your nervous system will get you out of the "freeze mindset", and 4. you can regulate your nervous system by generally taking care of your body, practicing relaxation, and learning how to interrupt the "fight or flight" mode when you're in the middle of it.

There are other things to say on this topic, but this post is getting kind of long and I'm afraid it's getting kind of dense, so I'll stop here. I also want to make a quick disclaimer that I tried to make this as easy to understand as possible, but in doing so I may have messed up the science a bit. Please let me know if you see any errors. This is adjacent to what I studied at school, but it's been a while since I was last in a neuroscience class.

[inkofamethyst]

March 27, 2024

daylist: symphonic nerdy wednesday evening (city pop, japanese jazz, orchestra, film score [it was exclusively ~vgm~ (lots of NieR and Final Fantasy, lots of vocal tracks!) lol], mmorpg)

song obsession of the week: The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace - The Amazing Devil gfkgdkjgkjfgkjd

Man I am just so pro-right to repair. Was thinking about getting some new headphones because the earpads on the ones I've had for years have been flaking bad for months, but they sell what are essentially the same earpads online! The headphones themselves are still fully functional, so why contribute to electronic waste when I don't have to? And now they feel perfect :)

Speaking of repair though, I've been done dirty by orthodontists and dentists all my life. And now I might have to pay, again, to fix issues that were ultimately caused by them. I've done (almost) everything right. Wore my retainers nightly, brushed, and I'm now into flossing regularly. So annoying.

Anyway I'm lowk stressing about the future (because of course I am) because even though I could "afford" a solo apartment, I also can't help but feel like that would be squandering my opportunity to save a ton toward the future when my savings would make the most impact (yeah, sorry, it's another one of these, and won't be the last I'm sure). Living solo is something I want and would love to do. And according to my calculations, I could. Even without sacrificing retirement and saving toward a house. Which is more than most graduate/PhD students are ever able to do during their schooling. But it's the anxiety of knowing that I could do more if I had even just one roommate. It's like, considering my situation as a student, what I already have saved, what I will be able to save, what I will have left over each month (a seriously comfortable sum (because, like a platypus, I don't do much)), I would be fine. I would be happy! But having one roommate wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, I guess. And then I could contribute more to my future happiness.

I don't know.

Can I place a monetary value on comfort?

I have a little under a year to figure out what I'm going to do. I can tell you what I want. I want someone to tell me that choosing to live alone would not be ruinous. That it'd be okay. That it'd be worth it for my contentment. That I'm taking the right steps, that I have a good foundation set. But I have to make the decision by myself. And then live with it. Through whatever comes. Because I don't really want to move more than once more before my program ends (and another thing, it would be much more difficult to save up for moving again if I lived alone).

Part of me wants to approach this with the mindset that the future is never guaranteed. And that, as a result, it's okay to splurge now. (Also there's the part about my grandmother potentially not being able to take care of her dog as she ages, and I wouldn't want to rehome her entirely (the puppy, not my grandmother).)

But like, okay. The 50-30-20 needs-wants-saving axis, right? I could stick "living alone" as part of wants since I don't otherwise really spend that much in wants ultimately.

Let me go calculate.

Okay. Post-tax (which is how you're meant to calculate 50-30-20), I'd be doing a bit better than the suggested model (but!!! this includes all the help I'm getting without which I simply would not consider this in the first place).

Let me... let me do some future sims.

nerdwallet says I'll be fine.

Okay. Okay! okay.. Ohh-kay.

I'm not completely decided but at least I have all that information available to me.

Today I'm thankful that.. I don't have a lot of homework tonight. So I can go to bed. OH OH ALSO thankful the person I've wanted as my secondary advisor for months but was too afraid to ask said yes and seemed happy to say so <3

[edit, ~a week later: the trouble will be finding a 1b/1b at my price point (still pretty low for this area since I don't really want to settle for a studio) that's close enough and has my minimum requirements (I suppose another potential option would be saving aggressively for another year to grind out a pot of money that would sustain me for three years at a slightly higher price point)]

[hosticaaa]

𝕯𝖆𝖇𝖎 ; Fandom stuff.

How do I tell the fandom that Dabi was a useless, weepy, ill adjusted little runt ( AFFECTIONATE ) who wasn't allowed anywhere near Shoto and not a tall, responsible but troubled older brother figure who mother hen'd his younger siblings, especially Shoto, and that Dabi wasn't close to Shoto or particularly close to Fuyumi either but him and Natsu had a toxic codependent sibling thing going on hard core and I'm so sick of the Natsuo erasure and/or Shoto being put in Natsuo's place when that makes no fucking sense w/o pissing off the Horny Dabi simps who cant let go of bad/outdated flavorless wooby fanon characterization. How do I tell the fandom that their portrayal of the Todoroki family dynamic is severely wrong but can be drastically improved by understanding that while Endeavor ( and to a much lesser extent Rei ) were not actually narcissists, the parenting style at the forefront of the family is almost identical to narcissistic parental abuse and looking into this, along with things such as "Narcissistic devaluation" and the "Scapegoat" and the "Golden Child" explains so much that this fandom can't wrap its head around in regard to the extreme emotional / psychological abuse suffered by the Todoroki children without pissing off the Enji simps neck deep in abuse apology cause their fav has fat dilf tits.

Anyway on that subject children who grew up in households that were heavy on the narcissistic parental abuse often fall into "types" with particular traits and heres the Todorokis to a T ( Not including Shoto because his role is very obviously golden child (Masterpiece) and wasn't ever one of the Scapegoats ("failed creations") I mean I could def put him under "Problem Solver" but since he was never actually a scapegoat child its more complex than that for him so heres just my fav little failures ):

Fuyumi - the caretaker

Scapegoated children may provide emotional and/or physical caretaking to one or more parent/stepparent, functioning as a stand-in best friend, spouse, therapist, or nurse. They may be given household responsibilities such as cleaning, cooking, and caring for siblings, while also being targeted with anger and blame for the family's woes. Often intuitive and empathetic, caretaker scapegoats can become powerful healers as adults. But if they continue to prioritize the needs of others over their own they are likely to experience anxiety, poor self-care, resentment, and burnout.

Natsuo - the protector

Children in the protector role step in to defend a parent and/or younger sibling(s) from the dominant narcissist's verbal and/or physical abuse. Such children may be driven to try to protect family members because of their own experience with being scapegoated, or they may become scapegoated in the family system as a result of standing up to the abuse. As adults, children who have confronted the aggression of abusers may become fierce and compassionate advocates for justice and the underprivileged. But they often struggle to recognize their own limits, vulnerability, and need for support.

Toya - the collapsed

Some scapegoated children experience such harsh neglect and abuse, with few sources of support to build resiliency, that they fail to thrive and become mentally unstable, chronically ill, suicidal, institutionalized, homeless, consumed by addiction, and/or incarcerated. As adults, they may experience a trajectory of low functioning, repeated crises, or collapse that ends tragically in early death by illness, addiction, suicide, or violence. Kids who are "different" in some way, such as queer or neuro-atypical, are often targets of extreme scapegoating, both within their family and society at large.

[maepersonal]

I think a situation is causing me way more stress than I originally thought it was and I'm just now realizing this on the 3rd day of no sleep and second week of not being able to function. I thought I was perfectly fine and was wondering why I've been having so much trouble lately; like I didn't even register base-level anxiety, I just came home everyday and couldn't get myself to do anything like hmm that's strange.

gotta love the alexythimia/fucking idiot combination

[voredere]

Hey, I saw your blazed post and didn't know there were npd subtypes. If it isn't too much trouble would you be able to explain at least the basics of them or link to something that does. I know Google is free and all but npd is one of those things it never feels safe to search for info on.

Sure thing! Hang on i'm rewriting this because tumblr crashed.

keep in mind i'm just an educated autistic cluster C-- any NPD havers are welcome to chime in.

All subtypes also have maladaptive and adaptive presentations, but so does every mental disorder. Keep in mind the maladaptive presentation is not necessarily the most common or a Norm.

the first subtype is Grandiose/Overt, and it's the most recognisable by laymen.

"

A 2018 review in Psychologyexplained that grandiose narcissists could also be either "adaptive" or "maladaptive," depending on which traits they display the most or at a given time.

Adaptive narcissists build up their self-esteem to protect themselves from being hurt by others. "These individuals tend to be more successful in life than the majority of the population because they strive to be more attractive, healthier, and more successful versions of themselves," said Hokemeyer.

They can also be friendly, warm, persuasive, and have real leadership qualities. But, according to the Psychology review, maladaptive narcissists don't have such sunny intentions—they're willing to exploit others to get ahead and feel entitled to do so." It is notable in my opinion that this subtype can and often does turn into Vulnerable subtype if the sufferer is exposed to enough trauma or criticism. This subtype is particularly known for comorbid PPD, ASPD, substance abuse, and avoidant features. This may be a major cause of this subtype being least likely to seek and receive help, and may contribute to maladaptive presentations: for example they may feel paranoid that others are manipulating them, or may not be able to quickly adapt to standardised rules and morality without some help. they may fear seeking help, or they may become more unstable due to self-medication.

the second is vulnerable/fragile subtype! this one is, to my knowledge, the most common subtype.

"Vulnerable narcissists are insecure, introverted, and have low self-esteem—"someone who thinks they deserve special treatment but isn't aggressive in getting their needs met," said Campbell.

Although they fantasize about success and want other people to admire them, so they feel better about themselves, according to the Frontiers study, vulnerable narcissists are passive and withdrawn, which makes reaching their goals a tough sell." The article goes on to mention Maladaptive presentation, "They may resort to being manipulative and passive-aggressive to hurt others because they can't achieve the admiration they crave.", however it is also notable this subtype is the most likely of the three to attempt suicide and the most likely to seek treatment. this subtype is prone to avoidant and dependent features as well as general anxiety.

The third is called Exhibitionist or High functioning (wild name i know). It's called as such because it's often difficult for others to spot, and often presents in an adaptive fashion. people with this subtype are prone to histrionic features and may be hypersexual and/or attention seeking. because this subtype is rarely recognised, it's also rarely treated. people with this subtype seem to be prone to comorbid OCD and OCPD.

there are more subtypes, but these three are the most commonly agreed on. none are formally recognised by t DSM5, but are regularly used in treatment plans and case studies.

sources:

subtypes

xxx

xxx

xxx

suicide (note: i mentioned BPD in my original post because these explicitely compare the two, likely due to BPD being known for a high risk of suicide)

xxx

xxx

bonus source on the link between NPD and trauma

xxx

I hope this was helpful, and again anyone with NPD is welcome to make corrections.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Merry Christmas and happy Holiday. I have a very bad flaw and it really bothers me. I'm bad at confrontation. I can't confront people to defend my or my loved ones' rights. So I try to avoid the situations that may lead to confrontations or fights. It got obvious to me in early adulthood, or maybe I'm just imagining it or obsessing about it.

Some examples would be; Not being able to defend my idea well in a meeting, and not mentioning when someone else's idea seems flawed. So I'm terrible at selling my ideas or convincing people unless I feel safe.

And I avoid situations that may result in fights or confrontation. I avoid driving on crowded streets for the fear of road rage, accidents, having to face angry drivers or having to defend myself or others who are with me in case of a car accident if we get hit by a car.

Or, if someone causes trouble or catcalls on the street, or starts a road rage, I would be hesitant to interfere and help my loved ones. I would be like, Should I let them defend themselves or should I interfere and stay on their side? What if I'm over-reacting? What would another person do if they where in my place? What if it's socially not my business? Does the gender of my loved one or the other person fighting matter? What if they yell at me and I burst into tears which would be very embarrassing. What if it gets dangerous or turns into a physical fight?

I really hate this about myself and feel useless because of it. I wish I were more assertive, aggressive, confrontational and brave. I wish I could be more protective of myself and my loved ones, but I'm really avoidant and careful all the time. I wish I could spend less time in my head ruminating each social situation, confrontation, possibilities, reaction or fight. I want to get better, but I don't know where and how to start. I don't know what caused it. I had a rough childhood for sure, but this problem got worse or at least got obvious to myself since early-to-mid adulthood.

I get jealous of people who are not afraid of people yelling at them, fighting them or insulting them, The people who stand their ground and also defend their friends and loved ones with confidence, and The people who don't get shot down and can defend their ideas and get into arguments easily. When I hear about some situations people have gotten into, I know instantly that I wouldn't be able to make it if it was me.

What Am I doing (or not doing) wrong? How come others can do it but I can't? Why is such a thing not a big deal to other people? Why do I have to struggle with this? Is this problem due to not having Se or Te within my functions? Can I get rid of it? How can I develop a thick skin and strength? And how can I weaken my crying reflex and my memory in order to control myself and not make a big deal of each awkward situation, confrontation, fight or scary possibilities? Also, how can I develop the intuition to know where I have to interfere and play defense, and when I have to stay quiet or back off?

------------------

There are several issues that could be at play:

1) Lack of Self-Awareness (of a deeper psychological issue): It sounds like the main factor preventing you from being assertive is fear, which is an emotional issue that you need to address. You're very good at imagining what could go wrong, but it seems you rarely devote energy to purposefully visualizing neutral/positive outcomes. This indicates a pessimistic cognitive bias.

To be fair, there are indeed situations in which you should be fearful. For example, offending the wrong person at work can affect your professional advancement, or offending the wrong person on the street could land you in a dangerous altercation. However, when you have a pessimistic cognitive bias, your assessment of situations isn't objective, and the threat/danger you feel isn't proportional to the reality of the situation. This is one common contributing factor to anxiety issues or social anxiety. It often arises from unconscious faulty beliefs about the world being more dangerous than it actually is. Perhaps you should work with a cognitive-behavioral therapist to address this cognitive bias.

For the sake of self-reflection, set aside the most extreme situations, such as those in which you'd have a lot to lose financially or situations where you'd risk your life. These extreme situations are challenging for most reasonable people, so they are not the right ones to use for learning about yourself. To get to the bottom of your fear, start small with realistic mundane social interactions you've experienced and inquire into your thought process during them.

For example, if you were socializing among a group of acquaintances and one person insulted a good friend of yours (not knowing of your close friendship), could you speak up on your friend's behalf? It's not a life-or-death situation, but do you still react emotionally as if it were? If there were zero chance of physical violence, could you stand your ground if the interaction got heated and people started shouting? If not, why? Because you'd get emotional and start to cry? And what would be so bad about that? Because you'd get judged negatively? And what would be so bad about that...?

Just like this, ask yourself deeper and deeper questions about what you're really afraid of. In other words: What is at the very root of your fear? Answering this question helps reveal the underlying cause of the problem, which would go a long way to figuring out a solution. If you find this kind of self-reflection difficult, work with a therapist.

2) Function Development Issues: Reflect on your function development problems (e.g. what they are, how they arose and why, and what impediments you're currently dealing with). You mention no Se or Te, so your stack includes Si Ne Ti Fe, leaving four possible types, of which, ISFJ would best match the conflict avoidance patterns you describe. If you are ISFJ, trying to develop intuition wouldn't be the right answer. If you don't tell me your type, I can't talk about function development, because it is important to develop functions in the correct order.

Generally speaking, all of the extraverted functions (not just Se or Te) have great potential in helping people handle social situations well, especially Fe because it is made for social judgment. If lack of extraverted development is a problem, reflect on why you haven't done more throughout your life in that regard. Is Ne or Fe higher in your stack? How could the function be successfully applied to conflict management and why haven't you used it that way? Consult the Type Dev Guide about how to develop the function properly.

3) Knowledge and Skill Deficits: You could also work directly on certain social skills such as: difficult communication, conflict resolution, boundary setting, emotional intelligence, and assertiveness - consult past posts as well as the books I've recommended on the resources page. Studying these skills properly gives you a blueprint/procedure to rely on in tough situations. Practice the skills, starting in small situations, and work your way up to bigger and bigger situations. This should help you improve incrementally and build confidence over time. Self-confidence is one healthy way to counter anxiety.