#so ill probably post that version in a second

[authoramalgam]

I really should have fucked them up more, but I'm tired Shattered/Ruined Bon

[arolesbianism]

Some stuff I've drawn semi recently

[dunmeshistash]

How do you feel about Milsiril? Like what do you think of her interactions between the canaries, her goals, her intentions and morality? I keep seeing people with mixed feelings about her, some saying she's just toxic or morally grey or doing bad but with good intentions or that she's just a mentally ill and literally so much more, also with the comic about Otta calling Milsiril love for her children/Kabru as just love for a pet, I always saw people take it at face value and say yes, Milsiril did love them more as pets instead of children, did she take up raising/adopting non-elf children because she felt like none of them could ridicule her like the elves did because they didn't know what an elf was supposed to be like (and also because they were children) or did she inherently view them as less? I mean the canaries and I'm pretty sure almost all of the cast in dungeon meshi have some sort perspective on different races especially because how they were taught about them, i just think it was interesting to finally see someone interpret it as Otta just misinterpreting Milsiril, I'm just really interested in her, i think shes neat, sorry for the rant!

Ooh, well to preface this, I hadn't really realized Milsiril was such a controversial character before my last post, I kinda live under a rock. She's really not a character I had given much thought besides what I wrote there before it, but I can do my best to express what I have thought since, with sources for it. I'm not sure what order to go thru so I'll just go by manga appearances and then extras, this will probably be quite a long post

This is the first time she shows up in the manga (ch55) Kabru is wondering about what future they might have if the elves take them into custody because of the ancient magic, he thinks about Milsiril as a get out of jail card, and mentions "There's a chance they would make us become permanent resident of the elven lands." with the image of Milsiril holding him. I don't think that means she would be the one to not let them leave, since this would probably be an legal issue, and the fact Milsiril lives away from other Elves. It does set up that Milsiril is quite overprotective tho, with Kabru's reaction to her teary hug. (rest is under a cut)

The next time she shows up is in ch61 right after Kabru falls down the dungeon along with Mithrun, he faints and has this flashback

She's being her overbearing self treating Kabru's small injury as if its something you need to be in bed for, hand feeding him like he's a toddler, and when he insists he wants to learn how to fight and be strong like her, she hugs him revealing to us for the first time her arm scars, she's cleary in distress too, so you wonder "what has happened to her?"

It continues in the next pages, as she tells him to stay there, where it's safe and there's cake, and describes the bad things he might encounter. Until he tells her he will go with or without her help

Honestly this is a Kabru we don't see often, this is the version of him that is usually in thought bubbles, he's blowing out in frustation over being smothered and demanding straight up what he wants, instead of trying to manipulate Milsiril, very blunt for him. Milsiril seems to flip a switch into battle mode, when she decides to train him for real.

I really thought this was funny, the visual of these cuddly toys and this Mom that was being so soft just a second ago completely flipping into something menacing is very amusing to me. She says "I'll give you an exhaustive, thorough training in how to use a sword... until you finally decide that you're ready to give up." although it sounds cruel, it seems she really trained him as best she could to make sure he would survive the dungeon. If he couldn't take the training with her there was no way he would be able to take on the dungeon, but he could, so much so that he managed to make her let him go. I can see this being seen as her trying to prevent him from going but to me it seems more like some tough love from a traumatized war veteran in this case.

The last thoughts he has is admitting his Mom was right, "Not only were there plenty of traps, monsters, and malice... but there were times when I felt so hungry and cold that I couldn't stand it."

And he concludes with "I never once thought that I wanted to go back there. That room where I could eat all the cake that I wanted..." While I can understand the interpretation that he means he would rather go thru all this than go back, perhaps cause he hated it there, I think it's rather a statement to how committed he is to defeating the dungeon, the visuals show him in rubble vs him in a soft big bed, the rough reality he fought to be able to face and the comfyness of what his life could be. Plus is mirroring exactly what Milsiril said to him. Admitting she was right about the bad things but that he won't give up for the safe easy life he had.

After that visuals of Milsiril are used while Kabru tries to sus out Mithrun but she shows up again in Mithrun's backstory.

Here she's straight up called Gloomy, which wasn't really the version of her we saw so far, gotta remember this is also how Mithrun saw her and that she was called gloomy as a way of bullying. Kabru mostly cuts off her part in the story until the end, when she's the one to find Mithrun after he was eaten by the demon

She doesn't really care much for Mithrun as we see in some extras, and she was ready to mercy kill him, but she is also the one to spare his life. This could be seen as her thinking he can still be of use, and it's how it sounds with how Kabru tells the story, but I do think this was also a merciful act, Mithrun was in rehabilitation for 20 years after being saved, by the time he was actually useful for anything Milsiril had already left the canaries and adopted Kabru.

Now for extras... About Mithrun/The Canaries, Milsiril was cleary someone that hated the people around her. This is her extra in the Adventurer's Bible

Milsiril seems to be the type that hates "popular kids" so to say, her description says she was bullied by other elves for being so introverted so I believe she holds a grudge against people like Mithrun that seem to have succeeded where she failed. But realizing he was a twisted person like her seemed to make her feel more sympathetic towards him, that's why I think she really did act with mercy when she saves Mithrun, he's now someone she sees as similar to her, she sees he also suffered like her

Her decription also mentions she left the canaries specifically because she was disgusted with how the Utaya situation was dealt with. Yet it seems like she came back to help Mithrun with his rehabilitation once she quits.

There's an interpretation to be made that she did this only to get "revenge" on the demon since she just saw the destruction of Utaya, and that she's using him. On the other hand maybe she wants to help him find a motivation to live, she's no longer a canary and she has time to actually help him now. I don't know which one is the truth but it's not obviously something self-serving if you ask me. Especially in the context that right before this scene Milsiril admits she wishes they could have talked before.

My interpretation of her relationship with the canaries and other elves is that she's someone depressed that was mistreat for her 'quirky' side, the dolls are clearly one of the ways she used to cope with anxiety/depression but it only caused her to be bullied by her own kin, she's the daughter of an important family and it's shown in other extras, including one about Mithrun, that nobles often send out the kids they don't want around to become canaries. It's an easy way to get rid of someone undesirable and I think it was the case for Milsiril. (Pattadol even assumes her parents love her less than her sisters for sending her to join the canaries).

No wonder than that now that she's finally free from the canaries she chose to seek her own happiness away from the society she felt she could never fit into, she clearly likes to take care of children too, I think it's mean to assume she only likes them because she feels superior to them when there's no indication that this is the case.

And I don't think it's a coincidence she's so overprotective of Kabru after Utaya, it's literally the tragedy that was the breaking point for her, and he's a surviving small child from that tragedy, Milsiril cares about Kabru and wanted him to have a comfortable safe life after everything he went thru...

This ended up getting way too long so I'll make second part tomorrow about the rest of the extras and Kabru, and some other things I've seen said about Milsiril, but to answer the questions...

I don't think she treats her children as pets, Otta is just salty she was called out for dating like Leo Dicaprio.

Every single dungeon meshi character can be called morally grey because they all have flaws that in our world can be considered unforgivable, but they don't live in our world. To me Milsiril is doing her best in the context she lives in.

Who even is neurotypical in dungeon meshi, Milsiril is yet another flavour of a neurodivergent traumatized character among so many.

I believe she thought of the other canaries, especially Mithrun, as the same type of people that were cruel to her, probably because some of them really were, but that she generalized it to the point she thinks of all of them as bad by default. You can only get hurt so many times before you assume everyone will hurt you.

Part 2

[impyssadobsessions]

WWT Mer Edition Doodles !

Here's my Collection of doodles from Haunting Heroes Discord event Who Wrote That? Mer Edition. I drew doodles of everyone's fics >w< Probably will break these down in separate posts. But I will go back and add links to this post <3 there was like 22 fics XD Also slight spoilers ahead. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

This one has batfamily entirely different types of mers. So many descriptions in a fun fluffy way.

I love the description of Danny in this one >w< And the cute flirting between Kaldur and Danny <3

This one was so bittersweet- I love it ;w; Two creatures of sky and ocean and neither can really be with each other except on the shore <3

This one is so interesting! Changing Amity to shore/island like city. Ghosts being sirens instead- just such a good switch up. Its refreshing! Love all the detection work.

I love the interactions in this one XD Danny's disbelief that crying is not him just dying. Kind of wished I done a more detailed doodle ;w; but still <3 And it has a happy ending ;w; Demon twins back together even if Danny still works for Vlad XD just very nice <3

This one is short and funny- though also like Noooo don't flush the baby mans!!! XD

This one is so cute. Danny/Tim >w< Tim just enamored <3 Its sweet, just a tale of them growing closer despite Danny being stuck in a tank and Tim being a biologist. <3

This was so sweet at the end. Jason in fight mode the whole time and then gets family he needs >w< <3 Also the mers are tiny in this one.

The only fic where Jazz was not doing so hot! Jazz became human and then ill- So Danny doing whatever he can to help her. ;w; Its a bit ambiguous as her fate- but I still enjoyed the oh shit realization XD <3

Cujo is a shark pup in this one >w< He found Danny's twin. This was so cute- don't be too put off by the uwu language- the second chapter is the same story just not with the uwu language XD I had to read that version. Dialogue still in uwu <3

[corviiids]

i loved your answer to the ooc question... penny for your thoughts on the Core of ren and goro? 👉👈🥺

rubbing my little bug hands together i dunno that i can capture all my whole... mental Akeshu Bible... in one post... but here are some notes on what i'd consider one of the most key points for each.

basically the way this works for me is ill have like a central piece of understanding sitting at the core of how i work with a character, and then let instinct guide their dialogue/behaviour from there.

i wrote a thesis again. two in fact. jesus christ

goro - sincerity is mystifying, dangerous, and impossible, but alluring.

can i talk about light yagami for a second. are we all going to be okay with it if i do that. that's going to make this easier for me to explain

i think light yagami and goro akechi have almost nothing in common once we get past the most obvious similarities - the cynicism borne of shattered once-upon-a-time idealism, the willingness to turn to radical action, the bad hair. anyway the difference i want to point out arises from another key similarity which i think only exists on the surface - the "evil underside true self" counterpart to the "pleasant preppy perfect boy" persona. looks the same. but the difference is that light never struggles with that falsehood, and akechi clearly does.

what i mean by that is i think to light, his perfect persona is nothing more than a simple disguise, albeit one he's been wearing a while without knowing why. he doesn't really have a fractured sense of self, because it's clear that the light yagami who is kira is the True self. the light yagami who is just a nice young man is mostly a falsehood to the point light sees him as a character to be played. (ok this is also an oversimplification but go with me for now. okay. that's the basic of it. just accept this for the sake of argument. this aint about him)

goro is very different. i think in the lead-up to the interrogation room, goro understands himself in a similar way, but after the interrogation room that perception is called into question. okay, i think about the interrogation room scene a lot, because i really didn't like goro's behaviour in that scene when i first played it, i thought it was a very cheap and superficial way to reveal his identity as the traitor by making him act as cartoonishly villainous as possible. and tbh i dont want to give atlus too much credit for creating a super nuanced scene there so what im about to propose is probably unintentional. but anyway, i eventually came around to it because i decided that that cartoonish villanousness must be a choice to goro. at that point in time, goro's perception of himself is akin to light's understanding of kira: black mask/shido's assassin/evil motherfucker is "the true goro", and pleasant boy detective prince is nothing but a mask.

and here i would like to bring up a complicating factor which makes light and goro very, very different. light wants to live. he refuses the shinigami eyes because he wants to exist in his new world to rule over it indefinitely. goro's plan on the other hand has a fixed timeline. goro is aware, and tells us in the engine room, that once his public reputation is shattered, he has nothing. goro's plan involves outing shido by outing himself. ergo, goro's plan is to take shido to the top and then torpedo them together, leaving them both with nothing.

what does this mean? light yagami's mask protects kira - light's true self and a man who wants to live. goro akechi's mask serves the black-masked assassin, but the black-masked assassin serves shido, a role which is just as deceptive as the detective prince. which means goro akechi's disguise protects a self that isn't real, either. it feels disingenuous to say that the version of akechi who exists to be shido's attack dog is his true self. so that goofy villainous smile in the interrogation room is, to me, goro convincing himself that that evil face is who he really is, not realising it's another facade he's playing up - but while the prince's audience is the public, the assassin's audience is goro himself. after that whole thing goes down, i think it becomes clearer that that evil face was goro pretending to himself that he's just a straight up villain who doesn't care about anything because that's easier than conceding that you might feel some complicated way about the self-loathing and bitterness you've been nurturing since childhood.

but wait, there's definitely also truth to the black mask. there's no way to deny that the akechi who attacks them in the engine room had a ton of truth to him that the detective prince lacked. but, wait. goro doesn't perfectly keep up the facade with the detective prince, either, because there are definitely times where he's being honest even when he's being the pleasant boy.

okay, where does that leave us? light has one layer of falsehood (light protects kira), but goro has at least two (detective prince protects black mask protects ???) so what the hell is goro hiding? where's the true self? is the version of akechi who showed up in the interrogation room the black mask, or is it shido's assassin? are those two different guys who overlap? does this mean everything the detective prince said is suspect? we don't know which one is true, but we know they're both lying.

okay. why? what's wrong with him? i should get to my actual fucking point maybe?

this is the central thesis of his shadows in palacefic btw. rather than being divided into a relatively clean true/false like light, goro's true self is split between his personae. every time you talk to any version of goro akechi, you're getting some lies but you're also getting some sincerity. i think goro doesnt know who he is because he doesn't see any particular use for having a real self at the end of the day, only masks he can use to achieve his ends.

except you can't actually kill your true self. it sticks around. so the most he can do is fragment it. but the consequence is the shards get stuck in his masks. every time he tries to put on a mask, a shred of truth peeks out. i think goro wants to not exist and not be known, but inside every mask he wears is a true part of him that desperately DOES want to be known, but can't allow it, but wants it, but is scared of it, but wants it, but hates it, but will die if it happens, but wants it.

what you end up with is a really self-contradictory guy where every time he talks, the things he's saying are simultaneously true and false. it's the worst with ren, because he's really interested in ren, but allowing ren to know him is suicide. light's really good at playing the part because he has no investment in the part, it's purely fake, and all his investment is in his true self. but goro is invested in each of his masks, because each of his masks contains part of him for real and there's no unified self to return to at the end of the day. so he struggles way more with the act than light does, because there's a part of him, however small, that really wants to drop the mask. but he can't, because there's nothing behind it, so there's nothing he can do

anyway when i write goro's dialogue and behaviour, it's not just writing a guy lying and playing a part because he needs the cover, it's goro injecting himself into mould after mould after mould and trying to keep a balance of how much he can reveal vs how much he needs to keep close to his chest. this is why he talks so fucking much, it's why his speech mannerisms aren't always perfectly polished, it's why the mask slips so often, it's why he's so cartoonishly evil at times, and it's why while light yagami is a popular guy who has everyone around him perfectly fooled, goro akechi is really only able to appeal to the subset of fans who are keen on his particular celebrity style while other people find him kind of annoying and disingenuous. when im writing akechi in xyz situation, it's a process of working out which mask he's wearing, what he wants to achieve, what he's hiding, how much he can or would slip, and what that slip might look like. i think this is heightened because of his circumstances, but i also think goro would be incredibly guarded and paranoid no matter what his circumstances were (although the murder might decrease a little).

tl;dr: goro akechi tries to do away with his sense of self but only succeeds in splitting it into a hundred million pieces covered in lies, each of which is desperate to be known but shies away with equal desperation

ren - in a distant relationship with the sense of self

idk that thats the right word but basically i think in true persona protag fashion, and as alluded to by beneath the mask / the power of the wild card / etc the relationship between ren's personae and his 'true self' is more complicated and detached than most of the other characters. i dont agree that the protags are true "blank slate" protagonists in the meta sense but i do think ren is a "blank slate" person in-text in that simultaneously he has extremely strong core values and beliefs which are absolutely immovable, and traits which shine through even in his limited speech, but the manifestation of his personality is a lot more malleable than say ryuji's is. ren is very flexible and wears a different mask depending on who he's talking to. i think that requires a level of detachment which manifests as basically centering his companion's character + needs in a given interaction over his own. this doesnt just come through in his dialogue but also in the way he internally reflects on what's happening.

the way this manifests most obviously in how i write him is that my ren (in texts especially but also in dialogue) has a tendency to omit his personal pronoun (in subject position).

that gives him kind of a laid-back vibe. he has a habit of omitting the first part of a sentence entirely.

he adds it back in when he's talking about something more serious, very alert, feeling uncomfortable, etc. it happens a lot when he talks to akechi because he needs to be very switched on during those conversations to keep up.

idk i know that for some people the joy of having a protagonist character is being able to make them into whoever you want them to be - so your ren might be extra flirty for example which i think is a really popular characterisation of him because it's fun and it has some basis in his dialogue, and it's a choice i went with for a while before i started shifting away from it. recently i've been way more interested in trying to reconcile this really strong-willed guy with a clearly rich and rebellious inner life with the quiet slouched character who says like 3 words every conversation and who really never reveals anything about himself. like, imagine he's a real person and not just a blank slate protagonist i can push and pull - how do i make his little mousy 8< self work with the fact that he's an international criminal without adding something on top that isn't already there in him? i think there's a way to do it and i think the way to do that is to have him internalise as much as possible. for everything he says, there are a billion things he doesn't say. that makes it really fucking difficult to actually portray him sometimes because his rich inner life can really only come through if we have access to his inner monologue, and if he's not the pov character we don't, but you know, i love a stupid fucking self imposed challenge. ren amamiya is like laying breadcrumb clues in his dumb ass 3 word dialogue options that im crawling over like weevils with a magnifying glass

but he DOES leave clues! so many of his dialogue options are sarcastic and dry or straight up goofy. so he's funny, he's deadpan, he can be impatient. but if you take that too far in dialogue, it gets overplayed, and he loses his taciturn charm, so you have to pull it back, because he's restrained, not overt. he's quippy, he's not wordy. he's a show-off, but in a self-assured way. he will never indicate in any way that he wants you to look at him. he'll just make sure he's so impressive that you can't look away. if he winks, it's like he's keeping a secret between you, not like he's putting on a show. he delivers one-liners only, not full jokes, and the setup and knockdown has to be in the same breath. if his thoughts can't be condensed into one sentence, two or three max, he doesn't say them, he keeps it to himself. whether his emotions show on his face depend on how well you can read him, and it depends who he's with, it depends how recently he's been joker, it depends if there's some extenuating factor in there that's going to make him crack. ren's more likely to crack if he's standing up for someone else.

his inner monologue is just as interesting to grapple with because my ren is pretty repressed. the more upset he is, the more he distances himself from how he's actually feeling. he's very good at deflecting people and he's also very good at deflecting himself - focus on someone else, focus on the environment around him, focus on some physical sensation, don't get too far into his own head, or else

tl;dr: ren handles himself with a mix of internalising and externalising by swallowing down everything he might want to say out loud but outsourcing and distancing from his sense of self to keep himself steady

[crimeboys]

It wasnt mourninglamby :( but honestly mourninglamby doesnt know what they’re talking about so if they have the same opinions it doesnt even matter what they think tbh……. I just wish I was better at showing them evidence you know? I keep talking about the yes very selfish love cwilbur has for ctommy was still love for ctommy and there aint no way the mental turmoil cdream caused ctommy is worse than cwilbur being mentally ill and a bad role model… they called cwilbur a groomer ffs???? I wish I could tell them that’s wrong without losing again due to my lack of evidence because they can just shut it down by calling my interpretations of crimeboys fanon……. I’m honestly just rambling sorry cyrus

my bad that may have been my own personal demons... although it does make me desolate to know more people share this take. but im not exactly unfamiliar with media illiteracy in this fandom.

but tbh it's like fine you dont have to debate people online about their interpretations of characters i personally love to block and stew (and occasionally lose my cool or swagever) and write private metas bc well im not a super articulate person so i hate posting them online. but yeah listen if you see people making dumbass takes that are wildly insane such as c!wilbur groomed tommy, you never have to like. debate that person bc frankly they've gone to a level of reading into shit that you are probably not going to be able to unravel. write your own meta or complain to your friends. i personally do the second one bc i hate writing. but i can attempt a little bit.

cwilbur is a complicated man who a lot of people like to make simple, be that in a negative or positive way. there are far extremes of both interpretations of the character and they both drive me insane. he is a character who requires a lot of criticism and a lot of compassion, otherwise he gets lost in the extremes of "terrorist monster who wants to hurt everyone" or "big brother who wuvs his little brother and would never do anything to hurt him".

cdream is also a complex character but he has a simple goal. power. whether that power come from land or disc or a teenager all on his own, his goal is to be on top. things take an obvious shift from just being obsessed with power to being obsessed with having power over tommy, which dream has always had to some degree but that's bc he fixated on tommy's "troublemaking" ruining the server in the beginning. exile is where he began to just Enjoy fucking with tommy and lets himself want power over tommy for the sake of having power over tommy, nothing to do with control of the server.

both of them meant to hurt tommy. i dont disagree with the notion that wilbur was abusive toward tommy. i just think there is a very clear difference in the way wilbur treated him vs. the way dream treated him. specifically i think situationally, it is very clear that wilbur was in a godawful place when he started treating tommy and everyone else terribly. i think the notion that his abuse started before pogtopia is bullshit and an incredibly dumb read of the characters. wilbur was not secretly fucking evil during l'manburg. he was an asshole often because wilbur's an asshole (but so is tommy, which people who dont actually like his character but adore the fanon version of it like to ignore), but he didn't create l'manburg just to destroy it. he didn't created l'manburg just to hurt tommy and everyone he loves. he made a home for them and when that home was taken, he had a really fucking bad reaction to it.

there is no question that wilbur during this time period hurt the people he loves. but i also think acting like every single thing he did during this period of time was malicious is fucking strange. there is a very clear, obvious fucking steady decline from the moment eret betrays them in the final control room, to wilbur and tommy being exiled from the home they built together for each other, to wilbur and tommy trying to get their nation back, to wilbur watching schlatt onstage and realizing (thinking) he never can in a way that matters, to wilbur becoming a shaken up bottle of paranoia set to explode the second someone opens it. even the fucking pit, which was shitty and gross and makes me yell at the screen every time i watch it, had a cause and effect. wilbur who genuinely thinks technoblade is on their side and trusts not to kill tubbo, to running back to pogtopia and indignant about techno trying to come back, to realizing this reinforces his paranoia and that he was right all along isn't that amazing tommy he was right they can't trust anyone, to putting tommy and techno in the pit.

this isn't the most indepth bc well like i said i don't write meta. but i think my point is clear that overall, there is a very clear difference between isolating and hurting someone literally for fucking fun vs. being isolated by the country you built and having a paranoid episode that your brother is in the front lines for that irrevocably changes both of you.

i think not liking cwilbur is fair enough, he has done undeniably shit things and hurt a lot of people without really making up for it, but i think refusing to engage with his character outside of the surface level is incredibly annoying, especially when you refuse to do that but include your own personal hcs and pretend they're honest interpretations of what you actually watched instead of separate characters you invented in your head.

dsmp might be a mess and people might think they "did more heavy lifting than the creators" but at the end of the day, they gave us very clear groundwork and tons of content and i don't think any of the lifting we have done is actually all that revolutionary to the characters outside of like. fanart. usually the people who do aren't writing the characters anymore. or maybe it's their first fandom and they don't realize it's very normal to have a bunch of hcs and character reworkings. but that's a little off topic.

anyway i could ramble about all this forever so i'm gonna go before i'm too mean and late to work byeee.

[thatwordybirb]

The tale of All for One and One for All - a story of legacy, of inheritance, of heirs to hope and hatred. We know the version where a child raised in loveless luxury breaks when his cursed quirk kills his family, is raised in the shadows and molded to be a monster - but what if he was found by the world's greatest hero and raised with love by a rat that walks like a man bearing similar scars? We know the version where a quirkless young man, beaten but never broken, wants nothing more than to be a hero despite the discrimination he faces, his determination at long last rewarded one day - but what if that reward never came, his shattered dreams twisted by the world's greatest villain into a crusade that sets the world aflame? A role-swap AU that puts Tenko in the hands of All Might and Nezu and Izuku in the hands of All For One that explores trauma, recovery, family, and how many of the ills in society can't be solved by just one man in a cape.

Alright, first second chapter to anything I've posted in a lot of years, we're doing this! Once again, y'all can praise my lovely buddy Raz for the art!

So, in the middle of writing chapter 4, I decided "I'm gonna write down what music I listened to while writing each chapter, and share it in the Chapter Notes when this finally goes live for whoever might be interested in that sort of thing." You may note that 2 is not the same number as 4. For this chapter and chapter 3, will just share a song I strongly associate with this story, because hey, why not? Today's is DNA (The Keys) by Walk The Moon! I'd go so far as to call it a fitting themesong for My Hero Academia in general, but that's probably just me!

Thanks for reading; stay safe out there~!

[headspace-hotel]

I'm probably gonna regret attaching my name to this but I slept on it and I'm still really upset but now more coherent (so please delete this if it's unwelcome).

First of all I'm really sorry you're dealing w this shit. I hope you're taking care of yourself rn.

Second of all.... holy fuck Inneskeeper has handled this horribly. I'm trying to extend the benefit of the doubt and say he just needs time, we all do, but it's very hard when he's been acting as though a day is enough time for everyone to get over the fear he spread.

It's really upsetting to see him bring up both his schizophrenia and his career as reasons why he was upset without ever actually uttering the words "I'm sorry, I was wrong." without needing to read between the lines.

It's a really concerning trend I've noticed reappearing now that actual celebrities and just plain old popular users are becoming more open with their mental health, that "I was having a psychotic break/I was having a manic episode/I was blah-de-blah" somehow taking the place of an actual apology. As if explaining it means you no longer have to take action or responsibility.

Especially given he was bringing up his profession during all this. As a professional especially he has a responsibility. I know "this is tumblr" but this is TUMBLR. People don't fact-check. You have sway. Especially as a professional.

He could've made the post unrebloggable, but if he did I haven't seen it. He could've pinned a post that actually contained information/a retraction/a quick apology and explanation, instead we got "I'm taking a break". He edited the post, but given part of his defense was that reblog chains are uncontrollable an edit you would not see unless you clicked back to his blog is...

I'm really hoping that once he comes back he'll say something. Because I know parasocial relationship and all that but I really did respect him, as someone transgender and with some of my specific mental illnesses in a field I'm deeply interested in.

But now I'm just... tired. He spread that same cycle of panic and delusion to everyone who read that post. Here I was thinking that I just got my dog back from the vet and now she and everyone else I love was going to die, that the apocalypse was coming.

Until I did the googling he as an actual ecologist did not do. As if me taking a tumblr post and freaking is less acceptable than him taking a twitter post and freaking.

I don't want to cancel him or bully him. I don't doubt that he's gotten some ableist nonsense, because the internet sucks. But he really hurt a lot of people and did a lot of damage. All I want is him to plainly say "I'm sorry, I did it because [x/y/z] but it was still wrong and I hurt people. Here is some actual information. I'm going to log off." Without a billion asterisks.

And honestly maybe apologize for siccing people on you but frankly given how hard my opinion of him has tanked I'm not gonna hold my breath.

I'm fine. The block button is a wonderful thing.

My feelings are mixed. Yes, I see that it would be terrifying to have your mental illness warp your perception of an event, but...you're not the only mentally ill person on Earth, and it's no less terrifying to be triggered into an episode by false information.

I have been asked by several followers to trigger tag #unreality because that kind of thing really messes with them. And the post was framed in a particularly triggering way—encouraging conspiratorial thinking by saying that there's a "media blackout" and that the official sources are downplaying the severity.

The post is still circulating as of this morning, and the misleading version is still hitting people's dashes and suckering people in. Why would you not just make it unrebloggable?

I don't know. I really don't know what to think of the whole thing.

The Twitter OP makes me honestly furious, claiming that "the cops" "blew it up" when it was first responders putting their lives in danger to stop the burning train cars from exploding. It's so frustrating to see people acting like they're calling it a "controlled burn" to cover up idiotic mismanagement. The crews that responded to this accident at great potential risk to their lives don't deserve to be called cops and slandered for making the best decision they could have possibly made.

In general it's worrying how folks on social media are responding—by encouraging paranoia and mistrust by attributing malice or idiocy to the people trying to manage the accident.

Folks say "fuck cops" but they can't distinguish cops from firefighters and hazardous materials crews working to save lives. That's scary to me.

I don't think we know enough yet to ascertain the causes of the accident, but I want to caution against looking for a specific party to blame as being at fault, because...these things can happen even when we do everything right. As long as we use these hazardous chemicals to make things, this is always a possibility.

And it's not necessarily a "preventable" failure of society that we make and use PVC, either. One of the causes of how widespread plastics are is that they are genuinely useful materials with properties that no other materials have. PVC pipe is what probably makes the plumbing in your house. Before PVC, there was copper, which is incredibly expensive, has a tendency to burst with temperature changes, and corrodes and reacts with various chemicals.

And the sad fact is, environmental disasters like this happen a lot. Many of them worse than this.

Not too far from where I live, there was a case where tons of radioactive waste were dumped into a municipal landfill. This radioactive waste was being handled by workers who didn't know what it was and had no protection. This was a case of malicious dodging of regulations. Mining coal creates radioactive and toxic waste that is constantly mismanaged. I was doing reports on local environmental news for my geology class a while back and many of the coal mines in Eastern Kentucky have a hundredfold violations of environmental and safety regulations, and companies usually dodge responsibility.

I hope this incident inspires people to think and talk about environmental regulations and rights of workers in the rail industry. What with the railroad strikes going on, I think it's worth considering that this is why we need to look out for the welfare of rail workers—you want the people handling the shipment of hazardous chemicals to be well rested and well protected.

[acertainmoshke]

New Intro Post!

(If you’re mostly a Doctor Who or Batman blog I probably followed you for my side blog @autisticstevenuniverse and you might be more interested in that one than here)

Including full details for all my WIPs was getting long, so I've decided to make an abridged version with links to full intros

Updated: 9/17/24

General tag list (ask to be +/- for any or all works): @ashirisu

Published work

7 Days for Fae: A low-stakes realistic middle grade story about an autistic girl learning to accommodate her own needs, making a new friend, and helping her aunt understand that having a nonbinary parent isn't that big a deal. MC is also physically disabled and her new friend is ADHD-coded.

Available now as a paperback from Amazon or Booshop.org, and in paperback or ebook form from Lulu.

In Progress

Cracks in the Stone: A steampunk high fantasy following a royal bastard prophesied to save the kingdom when all they really wanted was to have a normal life. Set in a kingdom with an entirely different gender system, MC is physically disabled, important side character is intellectually disabled. No one is white.

Word count: 16,075/150,000

Story intros: Legends of Halara series, book 2, book 3, book 4, book 5, book 6

Character intros: Ko'a, Nalki, Azja, Sunka, Lila

Tag list: @amielbjacobs @starsoughtfrost @rbbess110

Cold Iron: A dark urban fantasy set in the 50's about two adult changeling siblings on a quest to release from captivity the humans they replaced as infants. MC is autistic and both are trans.

Status: first draft done (85,039 words). Second draft in chapter 8

Current goal: have draft 2 done (typed up with narration smoothed, placeholders filled in, and details added) by the end of November

Character intros: Shaka, Kris, Maggie, Zuri, Cassie, Sparrow

Tag list: @stesierra @amielbjacobs @ettawritesnstudies @the-inkwell-variable

Title TBD (Cold Iron book 2): A dark urban fantasy set in the 80's following the same characters from the first book and their new found family in underground queer culture as they investigate the mysterious disappearances of changelings with no one to miss them, people the authorities won't look for.

Stage: Planning

Character intros: Shaka, Kris, Maggie, Cassie, Sparrow, Vick, Mal, Megan, Jun

Future/Hiatus Projects

To Die Among the Stars: A dystopian sci fi in which people no one is supposed to miss—the poor, mentally ill, outcasts, and inhuman—are quietly stolen away to experiment on. But each of those people left behind someone who cares, and they won't rest until they've unraveled the mystery and saved their families. All of the 5 POV characters are disabled and/or mentally ill, and 2 are trans. The group is also racially diverse.

Word count: 19,569/85,000

Emerald Outpost: A sci fi thriller following a team of spies sent on a nonsense mission as punishment, only to discover that they might be the only ones who can save their planet as well as their enemies'. MC is Jewish and bi, the rest of the main cast includes a gay Muslim man, lesbian Latina woman, aro ace Latino man, and Black bi trans woman.

Word count: 392/50,000

Dragonfly Wings: A middle grade fantasy about a changeling girl who is taken back to faerieland but finds she no longer knows how to stop masking as a human. MC is autistic-coded.

Falling Petals: A historical story covering 100 years and 4 generations in a family that loves each other but is living in a world they don't fit into in very different ways and find themselves hurting each other instead. Entire family is Jewish and all 4 MCs are autistic-coded (except for the last one who is able to realize she's explicitly autistic).

After the War: An urban high fantasy following a war between the human and elfen countries, as people struggle to return to a peaceful normal after 30 years of violence. Werewolves, vampires, and mers were unwillingly affected by a conflict that wasn't theirs. No one trusts each other. But they have to move on somehow. Basically everyone is physically disabled and traumatized.

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

pov ur nervous abt ur new job but feel a little better when u think ur coworkers will be nice and friendly but then they aren’t and it sends u on a downward spiral bc ur just quirky like that

A retelling of ‘oh my god. You hated me. You’ve hated me this whole time.’, taken in a DIFFERENT mental-illnesses-go-brrr direction! Continued below the cut,

Haha yikessss! That’s cringy! I’m surprised you’ve scrolled down this far! Mostly I’ve been hoping people would see the first bit of this post and go ‘oh hell nah’ and pretend like it didn’t just plague their innocent mind with the knowledge that self insert cringe of this level still exists! So congrats! I’ve committed many crimes and you’re here to witness them

To answer some question you might have:

Who is that???: SURPRISE IT’S NOT VANNY!!! that is Babbit! Or Rabbit, or Bones, whichever you prefer. It’s a self insert of me!

Why are they a rabbit one second then a person the next?? Are those even supposed to be the same character??: Yes, they are the same person, just drawn in different ways! Why they change is a little more difficult to explain bc it,, depends, honestly sjdhdjd. A lot of the time, the rabbit is like,, an inner version, the more honest and vulnerable version of Rabbit, the ‘you’ that YOU see in your own mind. The regular human version is, normally, what the world sees, the actual, physical person that is Rabbit.

But why tho: Idk I just like weird stupid metaphors and weird wonky character designs!

What’s happening??: Rabbit has a job at the daycare! Rabbit is an anxious, stressed out and socially inept person who worries a lot about what other people think! Sun and Moon dislike them, bc this was inspired by some of those AUs where Sun and Moon are just mean for no good reason LMAO. Rabbit is crushed by this bc they thought Sun and Moon, who are PROGRAMMED and DESIGNED to be likeable and friendly and caring, would HAVE to like them!! It’s their job! It’s what they’re supposed to do! It’s what they’re built for: to like people and to be liked by people! To be disliked by them means there is something so fundamentally and ineffably wrong with them that it breaks the laws of physics- at least in Rabbit’s mind. Before they could disregard everyone who disliked them as people being people and them just having a disliked personality! But to be disliked by something designed to like people? Holy mothballs, bat man, you must be REAL KINDS of fucked up!

They think there is something so wrong with them that even the ones who like everyone do not like them, and it is THEIR FAULT that they are disliked, not anyone else’s- not even Sun and Moon’s. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. And it hurts more when Sun and Moon fake being kind and friendly under a heavy layer of passive aggression. So, at the end of their rope and believing there is nothing that can be done to help them or fix their situation, they start to loathe Sun and Moon and start to lash out at them whenever feeling especially slighted. Is this reasonable? No! Does it make them feel better? Absolutely not!!! Do Sun and Moon deserve it??? No not really!!! And the farther it goes the more Rabbit let’s themselves sink into being as bitter and hurtful as they always tried so hard not to be. And it’s not anyone’s job to fix them but theirselves. But right now, for the first time in a long time, they really don’t want to.

Does Rabbit actually just need a hug and a warm blanket???? Idk probably!!!!

This is a self insert????: Yup!

So this is based off you??: Unfortunately!

Does that mean-: haha!!!!!!!!! Don’t worry about it!!!!!! :) Next question!

Most people’s fantasies are about their faves liking them, yknow: Haha yeah!

Why did you even make this: I’m going to pretend like I’m not just completely nuts and say, it helps me process my feelings and also ✨catharsis✨

Do you want to talk: HAHA no definitely not this is embarrassing enough as is!!!!!!

U good?: Yes actually! Just weird! Sorry sjdgdjshdnvdndbdhd

Why are you sharing this: idk tbh maybe validation on some weird fucked up level lmao

Anyway thank u for ur time and I apologize for the death of so many of ur brain cells. Idk why ur still here but holy shit man idk if I should be proud of u or scared of u. I’m mentally giving u a gold ribbon tho congrats on,, reading this abomination of a post ig

[liggy-not-potter]

intro post

welcome to my page! this is going to be my pinned post so if you’re seeing this on your dash, you’re good to just scroll if you want :))

welcome to hell

hello :3 you can call me liggy, i go by she/her pronouns but it’s not like i’ll stab you if you mess up somehow and misgender me.

hobbies

i’m a freaking nerd, so book and movie recs are welcome! i’m in a lot of fandoms, so i probably can’t list them all here. harry potter, both canon era and marauders (fuck jkr) and the fanfic i’m writing where harry has a sister no one knew abt. (posting that on ao3 soon). legendborn by tracy deonn, percy jackson (i’m not done with it so no spoilers please), mcu, the owl house, gravity falls, amphibia

i write songs and poetry, i play piano, ukulele, violin and guitar i like drawing but i’m not very good at it all the time, i have thousands of failed art pieces.

dni

the usual. if you discriminate against any minorities or hate people solely because of a group they belong to (religion/lack thereof, race, sexuality, gender orientation) WE DO NOT USE SLURS ON MY PAGE. i don’t give two shits about swearing but slurs are a no no

more random shit about liggy

i have celiacs disease as i’ve mentioned a few times on other posts, so i can’t have anything containing wheat, and i make jokes about it

i have adhd and possible bipolar disorder. i’m a mess, but at least i’m not boringly neurotypical ur local owl (do not ask questions) i’m a minor so don’t be creepy, i don’t care abt interacting with adults as long as you aren’t being a creep gryffindor - enfp

i’m married to @melonhead10. you hear that? she’s mine. go find your own lovable dorky goof, this one’s taken. my children are @0urazz and @crowleys-mortalcounterpart.

the rats (my moots) @jamespotterbbg — kay — my first moot, chaotic, mentally ill as the rest of this site, is the reason i’ve even interacted with half of these people @garden-of-runar — runaround — talented poet, fellow defender of bagels, turns into a different country every other week @melonhead10 — wife of mine — silly little rat, one of the only people on here i know irl, rarely online bc strict parents, if she is online it’s to look at shiny duo and tangled the series @ethanmilo — british ethan — the gay dad friend of this whole hellsite. king of deactivating and coming back out of nowhere. happily in love with @prongsbitch @prongsbitch — james the baked bean — short, gay and irresponsible. has too many doggies but we don’t care bc doggies are great. changes his url every two seconds. in love with @ethanmilo @tequilaqueen — bea — possibly an alcoholic, you’ll never know. hates bagels and commits war crimes. @picklerab23 — dill — lives in a jar on a shelf in a grocery store in wales. speaks in consonants and y’s. @crowleys-mortalcounterpart — brie cheese — my child. genderfluid remus lupin. descendant of the scottish black douglass. (aka they’re fucking scary when angy) i also know them irl. @thejudeduarte (idk ur online name if it’s something other than jude duarte lol) — cruel prince and legendborn fan. really nice and sometimes chaotic. @iamaladder — stepladder (ethan’s version) — chaotic aarakocra boi, old crusty man (in other words a year older than me) another person i know irl (if u want to be added ask me, i just gotta save it for now)

interactions

blow up my ask box, tag me on stuff, and message me all you want. i love being on here and talking to people and making friends <3

my pinterest poetry side blog: @liggy-attempts-poetry ask game: here moodboard on banner by @cheekyboybeth my tags: liggy rambles: all my random ass posts liggy found an ask: i answer asks liggy special: i most likely did something fucking stupid to the queue you go motherfucker: my queued posts, most likely because i’m out of town cus haven’t ever got post blocked yet

[perpetuallypottytraining]

(im the anon that said regression is not nsfw)

oh okay i get it kind of :thumbs_up:

do u talk abt potty training stuff on ur main age regression acc too or is it just this one? cuz if u do i might follow idk hehe

okay, I thiiiink these are the same person? Probably? Unclear. I'll answer both here, for clarity.

1 - No, I don't talk about potty training stuff on my main, not anymore. I moved those posts here a couple of years ago. The only content that's there are maybe some reblogs from other regressors.

2 - Okay, first of all, age regressors did NOT come up with those terms, nor do they have exclusive rights to use them. Those terms have been used by people for, like, ever. Parents calling their kids "little ones", family members calling out "littles, come over here!" to refer to any younger members, the obvious origins of "mom" and "dad" and their variants, and "caregivers" being tied to both people who care for babies, children, the elderly, and those with disabilities.

If anything, age players have more rights to the terms "littles" and "caregiver" in the context that we're using on this site. They're the ones who originated/popularized them. I know this because I was here, on this site, in 2016, when age regressors decided to split off from the sfw age play community, and there was legitimately tons of discourse about who had the "right" to those terms.

(who here remembers the chire and the other handful of communities that attempted to exclude anyone who liked the parental nicknames and the usage of the word "little" in their regression? I do. god, do I remember. this is the main reason that a lot of old regression blogs specify that they're "community free regression")

Second, I... don't? Tag anything here as ageplay? Everything here is just tagged with omo tags, then with assorted organizational tags - there is nothing here tagged with agere or ageplay - just posts that use the very vague term of "little" and the other term of "caregiver" within the post itself.

(which, I just feel the need to repeat, is a word that even normies use!! my own parents, aunts, and uncles call me and my cousins littles!!! Outside of that, "Littles" is a shared community term!! Littles and Caregivers, as we use them, originated from Dominant Daddy/Mommy and Little Boy/Little Girl - it's the gender neutral version!! Cg/L! Regressors are the ones who decided to keep it!! Because it's vague!! That's intentional!!)

But, yeah, you're allowed to feel your feelings, and, honestly, the fact that you're uncomfortable with the "playing grown-up" tag is something that I anticipated when I made that tag - that it might make people uncomfortable! But, I've been working on making my own boundaries and enforcing them, while not immediately catering to make other people comfortable at the detriment of my own comfort/space.

This is my blog. People didn't like when I put non-sexual omo on my agere blog because it helped me regress. That's okay, and even I became uncomfortable with it after a while, so! I made this blog! It's not my agere blog. It's my soft omo blog. It's nsfw and for adults only. And, only just recently, I decided to take advantage of those two facts and put some other nsfw posts here. I do not want to make yet another sideblog for the handful of "icky" posts I'd like to reblog, especially when this blog is already here.

A nice thing about Tumblr is that tags are now blockable, so if, for some reason, you wanted to follow me still, you'd still be able too view all my other posts while excluding that specific tag. Or you can block me, if you wanted to - you curate your own online experience, and I'll hold no ill will towards you for making sure that you're comfortable and safe.

As for saying thats someone can't be both an age regressor and an age player? Literally what are you talking out????? Huh???? Do you think that adults can't age regress and slip into the mindset of a child while also being capable of, while in adult headspace, in a consensual relationship, roleplay as a child for sexual gratification??? Those are two different things!!! Ageplay is roleplay, and as such, one is capable of adult things! Agere is someone slipping into the headspace of a child!! Healthy communication with one's partner makes it clear what's okay in one headspace and what's okay in the other!!!

I'm not even an ageplayer and even I know that it's possible to do both 😭😭😭 and I just read fanfiction and people's actual blogs!!

As for your sign off, um. Okay? I don't even interact with a.geredips posts and blogs.... even if they're very relevant to me and my regression! Not even with my main!! (I'm also very shy and timid and a bit scared to interact) And, on my main, if people who follow me start breaking people's DNI, I literally softblock or block them - if they can't follow people's boundaries, then they can't interact! I'm just one blog, and I doubt that if anyone wanted to demonize age regressors, they need any help from me - people who deliberately mistag are probably more than enough tbh.

Ageplay and age regression, like it or not, was cut from the same cloth - a cloth made out of a gradient from black to white, with shades of grey all in between. Like a baby blanket! Black/ageplay and ABDL on one side, white/agere on the other, with you and me and my friends and mutuals somewhere in the middle, all spread out across!

Plenty of adults don't think anyone should return to the comfort of childhood things, and look at the whole blanket with scorn and disgust. Cutting off more and more of the blanket, because you think that my grey isn't as palatable as your grey, is not going to change these people's minds. Both of us live in the grey zone, and I personally think that by accepting more of the grey, our baby blanket will be strong enough to handle anything - even and especially people who think our blanket should be torn to shreds.

[mqole]

hbjhkgvhj ok here are uh. some character designs i did abt a year ago

these are all based on the incredible @kayzero's fic zero win game, which is a rewrite of ztd with akane as the protagonist, and it has possibly THE BEST characterization of akane ive ever read- listen just. just go read it you will be enriched i promise.

im not putting an image description bc i dont know where to start (sorry!!) BUT ill put a bunch of character design notes below the cut for people who are insane like me <3333

ok first of all. i know when i sent these to kay the other day they said there were some details canon to zwg that i missed (akane's lil hoodie pocket, aoi wearing white to contrast junpei's black (which is SO inspired btw.)) so just. PRETEND those are there bc i forgor <3

i spent the most time on sigma, phi, akane, junpei and aoi just because they've had multiple iterations of designs. it was fun to take bits and pieces from each version of them, so thats why they get a feature page

you can see a lot of my little pink notes with criticisms of the ztd designs there. in general, i really dont like the ztd designs, they all feel unnaturally bland to me (although thats probably also the artstyle).

most people whove looked into the colour symbolism in zero escape are probably familiar with the whole red/blue thing: that is, theyre colours representing the morphogenetic field. akane and aoi are the most obvious examples of this. 'aka' means red, and 'ao' means blue. in the first nonary game, akane and clover wear red - the colour for transmitters - and aoi and light wear blue, the colour for recievers. in 999 proper, akane wears purple, to symbolise how she can recieve AND transmit, while junpei wears red and blue by themselves. you can do a whole analysis of these colours and i will not put it here thats a whole SEPERATE post

anyway! the actual designs!! i'll start with sigma. i wanted to reconcile his vlr design with zero ii's design, and initially i planned on giving him a coat, but it didnt really have a nice silhouette, so i ditched that idea. instead, i turned his jumpsuit from vlr into a polo shirt - much like what he has in ztd - and gave him some zero-y accessories: the white turtleneck, the belt and the gloves all come from zero's design. once id included the white turtleneck, making the pants white felt really logical. in character design, its generally best to limit the palette of colours as much as you can, so it was a good excuse to reuse a colour while also paying homage to his ztd design. i also cut his hair bc hes a scientist and he'd do that.

phi's design is a lot more like her vlr one than her ztd design. the blue coat was her hallmark accessory, and im shocked that they ditched it for ztd, so i gave it back - along with her boots and hair accessory. i kept her pants and glasses from ztd, as well as the way the bottom of her shirt is tucked into her pants. they just have a much nicer silhouette to me. between my first pass of colours and my second pass, phi's colours changed the most - i realised i had too many blue guys in the lineup, and wanted to make the colours stand out individually. so i leaned into phi's orange-ness. giving her hair accessory, pants and boots an orange hue instead of a blue one, as well as shifting her coat to a more teal colour really helped make those colours pop.

AKANE MY BESTIE!!!! her design was probably the one i had the most fun with. i basically just took her ztd design and purpled it. I did want to include some more details though - her neck scarf was in both her 999 AND vlr design, so it felt wrong not to include it. i also added some gold highlights to her design, just to complement the purple - her boots are also toned yellow, so it felt fitting. the cut of her sleeves, as well as her hair, felt really natural: i gave her the side ponytail from ztd, while letting more of her hair fall to the side to retain her silhouette from 999. i stole the sleeves wholesale from vlr akane, but can you blame me. look at that robe. its so pretty.

overall i have mixed feelings on ztd junpei as a character, but i think his darker turn is at the very least a fun direction to take him. I do like the jacket he has in his concept art. IT SURE WOULD BE NICE IF THE MODEL ALSO HAD A JACKET. his design went relatively unchanged overall, i basically just retoned his hair, gave him a button-up instead of a t-shirt, and puffered his jacket. the red and blue from his vest in 999 is reused here, but in darker, more muted tones. you can see in the corner of the drawing i played around with swapping the red and blue, but the red focus felt too edgy for junpei. the blue also pops really nicely against his dark clothes, so i kept it.

anyone who has spoken to me for more than ten seconds will know how insane i am about aoi kurashiki i mean come on my name is santa. i think a lot about his two designs: that of the first nonary game and in 999. in the first nonary game he wears a blue scarf, harkening to his role as a reciever, but in 999 he wears monochrome. my personal interpretation of this is that his 999 fit was him purposefully disguising his connection to the morphogenetic field. so post-999, since he doesnt have to worry about that, i gave him his blue back!!! his general fit is the same- his pants and shoes are artistry so obviously i kept those, and i ended up making the rest of his look black to contrast his 999 design. if i were to redesign him now wearing white, id probably go a different direction altogether. that third little drawing ive included has some test outfits for him, carlos, and maria, but i never really went anywhere with them. also i gave him dark roots to show his relation to akane a bit more. and also because i like projecting my roots always grow back SO fast

that brings us to the 4 characters introduced after vlr: carlos, mira, diana, and... maria??? yeah like i said go read zero win game. do it. maria is such a fun character. she was, coincidentally, ALSO the only character where i had to design someone from scratch. you can see i fiddled a little with colour palettes, trying to figure out how to give every character a unique look. diana and carlos' designs actually go almost unchanged here- i think dianas design in particular is actually pretty great, and works as a nice foil to luna in vlr. carlos is just kind of normal. he can have his silly polo shirt.

miras ztd design is. ugh ok look its FINE but i hate the boobie designs in zero escape because they always feel like they were designed seperately from the character. mira in zwg is still a sussy baka, but she's a lot more cordial- i enjoyed seeing her more as a snake lying in the grass. I ended up giving her green because its a fun colour to give characters who youre meant to distrust. SO MANY TIMES reading zwg i was like "oh maybe mira's chill - oh wait maybe shes not - oh wait maybe shes chill again" and i love her for that honestly. she still gets boobies because i love women but i gave her a fun little long sleeved corset top. the amount of skin she shows directly correlates to the amount you should trust her (i am only half joking.)

i wont talk about diana because honestly the only change i made was giving her a little blue strip at the bottom of her skirt, but i'll talk about maria and carlos together. carlos i kept as a little pink boy because i love him and i love pink and listen its my character design ill do what i want. maria in ztd AND in zwg experiences reverie syndrome, which is connected to the morphogenetic field. her and carlos' designs both incorporate red and blue again- (just realised diana also has red and blue. pretend that was intentional) -to show their connection to the field. yes yes i know its pink but listen its red enough. like aoi, i gave maria and carlos both different iterations of their designs. i'm less sold on carlos', but i did actually like the baggier, heavy designs for maria. with those ones she looks more depressed than she does wearing overalls, so im calling that a win. maria's was the design i was least satisfied with overall, but hey i did these like a year and a half ago and ive gotten much better since then soo.

if youve read this far this is once again a reminder to read zero win game by kayzero on ao3

[kyriaejiraiblog]

so quick disclaimer this isnt jirai stuff but it is talking about sh and its somebting that kind of pissed me off but i don’t wanna put it in my main

so for context it was some skk video and the person said essentially “if you’re going to ship do it correctly, you’re mischaracterizing dazai“ (and mori but who tf cares)

so here’s my reply to the comment, and honestly the way they responded made me upset—because while they made a comment explaining their thoughts and i was fine agreeing to disagree, they felt they needed to add onto their own opinion? but honestly i feel like they are in a way mischaracterizing dazai more than in the original post (which i can grab the link for anyone who finds this and decides they want to see it to make their own opinion)

“i can guarantee he doesn’t even cut discreetly.” problem i have with this statement is we literally have no idea what the bandages are for, however we know that dazai had easy access to various blades, primarily scalpels because of mori. the way that particular mental illness affects your brain makes the prospect of drawing blood very appealing. considering he had bandages before the pm, and how this person even admits sh was possible before dazai joined, i find it highly likely that he would continue such an act. sh is by no means easy to escape, and dazai was not in a supportive environment in the pm.

second, his words to atsushi—those kinds of words sound like something born from experience. that is something dazai has, and still suffers from in a sense. it’s like oda said, dazai will always be living with darkness and has to learn how to manage that emptiness. and plus, from my own interpretation, dazai sees a version of himself within atsushi, and wants to prevent atsushi from becoming him.

one thing i do agree is he doesn’t care about mori’a approval, never will. but dazai lives in such a perpetual state of self-loathing that it’s weird to say that dazai wouldn’t even think about sh. while my initial reply was about punishment through this means, i just didn’t have enough to elaborate my actual thoughts on what dazai’s motivations would be for this kind of self mutilation.

there’s a point where sh stops being punishment, if it even was to begin with. dazai feels apathy toward much of the world around him, particularly during his time in the pm. apathy like this creates a void, an emptiness that never truly goes away. cutting gives a chance to feel something, anything. feeling nothing is more painful than a blade running down skin.

and now i’m going to start being extremely personal. i don’t like pain. dazai states he doesn’t like pain. i cut every single day. that last paragraph is essentially my own experience with self harm. in my case. it does start out as sparingly used punishment. then it becomes addicting, and the only thing to pull me out of the emptiness and complete apathetic state where i have nothing but my own thoughts. this kind of thought process isn’t uncommon among people who sh. it almost feels like cutting is just simply a thing that happens.

and then about dazai looking down on people who sh—fuck off with that. while sh and suicide aren’t always correlated, they’re often connected. at best, dazai is completely indifferent to people with scars. otherwise, he’s one of them. dazai’s entire personality seems i consistent in many ways, and while i do agree that he probably has major depression, i wouldn’t say it’s too far fetched to say he might have bpd or bipolar. in fact, id even argue that he has both depression and bpd according to many of the symptoms displayed in dazai’s character (which if that’s the case, gj asagiri bc bpd is so heavily associated with women that people forget men can have it too)

which rambling more abt the bpd thing ppl with bpd are often queens of “it’s a slippery slope” and it’s already shown that dazai does drink more than a bit. which is one thing people with bpd are prone to, they so easily can get addicted to these kinds of things and they just can’t help it. another reason i argue it’s likely dazai would sh.

once again, referring to the second screenshot, people who hate pain aren’t excluded from self harming. i am one of those people, myself. i wouldn’t doubt dazai would attempt to cut his arteries as a suicide attempt as well, something i somewhat tried, but i still argue that dazai has likely self harmed. anyway i hope this was fun to read im done rambling lmao

[torchickentacos]

How do you think May and Drew would’ve gotten together?

OOH OKAY so, first off, same answer I have for another ask somewhere in my queue- which is, I'm not someone who usually latches onto one version or fanon. I like to mix and match and mingle between interpretations rather than setting up my own concrete one, honestly. I have no taylor-canon-contestshipping agenda, I just go with whatever's the most entertaining to me and my friends at any given point in time.

That said, I feel like the Johto Arc THAT WE DIDN'T GET TO SEE could have kickstarted it. Like, in the Johto arc, they may or may not have traveled together as a group (unconfirmed) but at least they'd have ran into each other multiple times (confirmed, May says that her rivals are kicking her ass in Johto during the Wallace cup cameo). And by that point, they're on friendly terms (see: Unbeatable Lightness of Seeing as their last real canon marker of where they are friendship wise). Headcanony territory below, rambling as I do. Long post, which is to be expected when someone enables my contestshipping LMAO.

In Johto (rip the abandoned Johto fic I had like 1.5 years ago and all the other fics that don't make it out of google docs), I like to think it was May, Drew, Harley, and Solidad travelling together for at least certain stretches of the journey. I can see SO MANY SHENANIGANS that could lead to bonding and furthering that friendship into more of a foundation for something more. Strolling the Goldenrod National Park and talking after one of them had a bad loss (canonically, probably May), meanwhile Harley is off trying to be a guest on Goldenrod Radio or something with Solidad in tow. Or, May making an ill-informed decision to poke around Burned Tower and having her leg fall through one of the rotting floorboards, only to find a hand IMMEDIATELY reaching out to catch her. ALSO, BUG CATCHING CONTEST! Wait, lmao, imagine Drew in the Pokeathlon.. it's giving 'May wanted to do it and needed teammates but Drew is basically taking the approach of walking the mile in PE but he's doing the best he can and hating every second of it' tbh. You cannot convince me he's a sports guy. ANYWAYS little things like that are what I tend to gravitate towards- little misadventures that come together to solidify that trust and friendship, via situations and circumstances that were entirely avoidable but not at all regretted. A very 'Who What When Where Wynaut' approach, honestly- toss them into a situation and watch something bloom out of it.

So, Johto happens, shenanigans ensue, the rivalry turns far closer to pure friendship. I'd say the rivalry really leans into that shift from 'I want to be better than this person, I can't lose to them' towards 'I want to do better because of this person, not to spite them'. It becomes a partnership.

But technically I haven't even answered your question yet. I think this carries on for a few years, rivalry and friendship and whatever else sort of intermingling into its own form of relationship. They aren't rivals or friends or lovers, just... May and Drew. Like a combination move- it's no single thing, it's a conglomeration of emotions that come together into its own thing. I think they're two people who fall into something very naturally and without 'making it official' per se, just a gradual tumble into friendship-and-then-some over time until one day they sort of realize they've been functionally a couple for months on end and didn't notice. I like to think it's the kind of thing where they say they're dating and people would be like...a "wait, we thought you guys just had your two-year anniversary" type deal LMAO. I think this tends to be a pretty popular opinion/interpretation, too. Because here's the thing.

Drew would make a move. We see him do it every other episode he's in. May does not pick up on it or really explore her own emotions like he seems to. I think even if she did find herself on that same page, it would go like:

Drew: Well, I've been doing the rose shtick for years and nothing's happened, so I should respect that boundary and make sure to not push it anymore.

May (assuming she figures herself out here): I value this friendship and don't want to risk it, and I'm probably misreading him.

Like, I can SO EASILY see them falling to a standstill on actually making it REAL, so I think it's something they just fall into quietly until some external force makes that push for them. (forced proximity trope, in vino veritas trope in a timeskip, something like that).

[natzomi]

Ok there are two things in the 3 specials with the 14th doctor that realy anoy me.

Donna beeing able to just "let it go" and beeing ok

And the two tardises at the end

So in this probably very long and maby very confusing post ill try to fix them (aka write down how i would have done it with zero ofense or bad intent towards the people who wrote the actual episodes cause i still love them)

So we start with the donna problem cause it anoyes me the most. For this the star beast happens the same up until the scene where dr. Donna lets go of her timelord powers.

Instead of that the doctor manages to "contain" the timelord part of donna (and rose) and seal it away in her brain or something (i dont know. Its docor who it doesnt need to make sense) That gives them a unknown amount of time to get it out completly.

Donna and the doctor jump into the tardis to find a way to save her, coffee gets spiled, tardis goes crazy and basicly wild blue yonder happens exactly the same (maby a bit mor angst because of the still ongoing donna problem)

Then in the giggle we start to see donna get realy effekted by it. She has a constand head ache (makes her finding out the musik thing even more impressiv) and this beeing one of the reasons the doctor wants her to go back to the tardis in the toymakers shop (not only is he facing one of his most powerfull enemys but his friend is not in the best shape to deal with it as well wich stresses him out so hard)

Then the rest of the episode goes on normaly. They meet and play angainst the toy maker, he has his musical moment, the bigeneration happens and they win.

But instead of the price for them beeing the toymaker put in a box and the second tardis (yes i consider the second tardis as a price from the toymaker deal with it) 14ths price is donna and rose geting fixed and 15th gets to put the toymaker in a box for eternaty.

This way you get a storry line that goes throu all 3 episodes and fixes donna in a more rewarding maner than the way they did it in the show.

But you may now ask: "but natzomi if you think the secon tardis 15 gets at the end is a price for the doctor but in this version they both already got a reward then how do they both get a tardis?" And to you i say: they are the same tardis. But ✨️timetravel✨️

Like i said i dont like that there are two tardises at the end of the specials (yes i also said i think its a reward from the toymaker but that doesnt mean i like it. Why? I dont know i just think its a litle lazy and you could have done more with that)

Sooooooo to fix that problem you would need to add or change like only a hand full of scene.

Basicly the entity of star beast and wild blue yonder is the same no change there. But at the beginning of the giggle you add a litle scene (like 20 seconds max.) where the doctor notices a scratch on the console or a broken button or something that basicly doesnt stop the tardis from working in any way and he writes it of as the tardis having missed that while fixing herself or that she hurried back to get them in wild blue yonder. The rest of the episode continues normaly untill the end when they disgust the problem that 14 and 15 dont want to travel together, they are standing outside the tardis talking and then Boom. Out of nowhere a second tardis apears. They didnt do anything its just there. The exakt same tardis exept for that scrath on the console that only exists on the first tardis (the one we see throut the whole episode)

15 gets the one with no scrath 14 keeps his and everyone is happy.

But now we just need three more scenes later in the season to complet this storry. One where because of some fight or acident the tardis console gets a scrath on the console (extra points if the doctor doesnt know/see)

The second where the tardis just randomly leaves one day for like an hour or so (could be the start of an episode and the tardis disapearing kicks of the plot for that story)

And the last where the tardis returns (probably at the end of that same episode)

And now to get to the point ant explain the storry/idea ill just go over the events out of the perspective of the tardis (or at least her timeline)

In wild blue yonder she leaves to repair herself. Then she lands in the avengers unit tower and goes of with 15. After she gets the scratch she goes back to save 14 in wild blue yonder and then stayes with him for the rest of his life after he passes she comes back to 15 and the continues to travel with him.

This might also give the posibility for 15 getting his own interior since 14 probably changed it a lot while he had her and either 15 then could get the "old rundown" version with all of 14ths changes or the tardis changes completly for him.

Anyways its 3 am and i cant sleep cause i cant stop thinking about the stupid timetraveling alien man :)