#someone fucking stab me

[so-lay-with-me-in-the-trees]

I'm gonna fucking walk out of english tomorrow I don't give the tiniest shit about all your stupid projects you're honestly such an asshole is it not possible for you to not make your students want to fucking die your so unsupportive towards everything and you don't have any way to comfort your students when they're stressed because they don't have ENOUGH FUCKING TIME FOR YOUR BIG ASS ASSIGNMENTS

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

More random Nimona headcanons

Bal is one of those people who isn’t allergic to anything except one random medication that no one uses 

Ambrosius calls him a lucky bastard every time it’s brought up because he’s allergic to everything 

His allergy list is at least three pages long and he doesn’t remember a single thing on that list 

Whenever they go out to eat Bal has to remind him “No you can’t eat that it has olives” “Not that either love it’s got lemon” and so on 

Most of his allergic reactions are pretty tame so he’ll eat it anyway

And it gives Bal and Nimona so much fucking anxiety 

One time Bal walked in on Nimona chasing Ambrosius around the kitchen yelling “Spit out the carrots Nemesis you don’t even like them that much!!” 

Whenever he eats alone he refers to it as a game of Russian roulette 

Bal refers to it as the reason he has high blood pressure

Because Bal and Ambrosius grew up in the limelight (for very different reasons) there are a million pictures of them through the years 

And they use those videos to bully the hell out of each other 

Bal can quote the video from the beginning of the movie not because it was an important moment in his childhood 

But because Ambrosius will quote it at the most random times throughout the day

Bal will do something small like kill a bug or chase out an animal that Nimona brought in

And he’ll hear Ambrosius mumble “I’m here to slay monsters and protect our kingdom”

He was a little worried Nimona would react badly to this habit but he started joining in 

One time he killed a spider and Ambrosius asks “Are you slaying monsters moonbeam?” Nimona yells from the other room “I’m so proud of him he’s truly protecting our kingdom” 

There are a million photos of baby Ambrosius on the internet 

And Bal made a PowerPoint presentation ranking their cuteness factor out of 10 (100 was the lowest score he got and it was a picture of him with the ugliest bowl cut you’ve ever seen)

And made Ambrosius sit through it 

That was the most loved and mortified he had felt in a long time

Nimona uses low-quality pictures of them as reaction photos 

There have been times when Nimona asks “Can we eat out tonight” and Bal tells her no and she sends him this 

He’ll text back “Is that my fucking wanted poster?!” 

She asked Ambrosius if there was any ice cream left and he said no he expected her to call him and complain he didn’t expect this 

He calls her yelling “When the fuck did that happen?!” 

And she hangs up immediately to let Bal deal with it

[haemosexuality]

funniest part of seeing someone react to arcane will always be "omg mylo is so annoying shut up kid" *mylo straight up dies* "😨"

[arsenicflame]

absolutely delicious flavour of edizzy is where theyre Actually Married but neither of them know it, while also being acutely aware of everything-

they celebrated 25 years of their matelotage. they are having sex on the regular. both of them think the other thinks their contract is purely for financial reasons and the sex is just fun + convenience.

[space-boy-alex]

Me: *simply vibing as an autistic, asexual, trans guy who doesn't like to do drugs or have sex*

People: OMG PRECIOUS SOFT BOY UWU SO PURE AND INNOCENT BABY, MUST PROTECT UWU.

Me: *with murderous intent* 🙂

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 24

PREVIOUS

“What do you MEAN Smithy is in the hospital with a stab wound to his stomach?!” Nicky’s own voice is agony for his hangover but honestly, how the fuck else was he supposed to respond when he had asked Andrew where FF was and gotten that as a response.

“Calm down.” Andrew says and he looks tired, looks stressed, and maybe even just…a touch nervous?

Nicky isn’t as good as Neil at reading Andrew Minyard. He doesn’t think anyone will ever be as fluent in the language of Andrew Minyard as Neil Josten but Nicky has picked up some key phrases.

He can see when he’s making a joke that is a step too far. He can see when his cousin wants to kiss Neil but is holding back. He can see when his cousin is stressed.

He can see a guilty curve to Andrew’s spine.

“Andrew, answer me honestly, did you stab my sweet baby freshman?” Nicky asks and he’s not sure if the nausea he feels anymore is from horror or from the sheer number of drinks he had put in his system the night before.

Roland usually cuts him off before he gets this level.

Roland also has a habit of pouring heavier when he’s stressed.

Roland also also tends to make complicated fruity drinks that Nicky likes when he’s stressed.

Andrew’s jaw tenses but it’s Neil who speaks up, “It was an accident. It happened during a fight.” Neil says and Nicky throws his hands up in the air.

“You got into a FIGHT with my sweet baby freshman? Sweet little Smithy? The boy who made brownies that made me feel kinda straight for a dead woman?!” Nicky exclaims and sees Andrew and Neil open their mouths to say something but, “I promised him that if he wanted I’d get him something hard that’d mess his GUTS up but this isn’t what I MEANT.” He lets himself collapse dramatically over the table.

“Nicky, shut up!” Kevin hisses from his spot on the couch.

“When the fuck did Kevin get here?!” Because seriously, how fucked up was Nicky last night that he doesn’t remember Kevin coming on this Columbia trip? Where’d he sit? He couldn’t really remember coming over after Thanksgiving. Had Andrew put Kevin in the trunk? Had Andrew put Nicky in the trunk?

“He came with Wymack.” Neil cut in before Nicky started testing reality. “Wymack is at the hospital since he’s…uh…he’s the…”

“Medical Power of Attorney” Andrew answers.

“Yes! Thank you, the Medical power of attorney for Smith. He needed surgery and Wymack wanted to be nearby in case he had to make any pressing decisions.” Neil explains and yeah that tracks, he knows a little bit about FF’s family and knows that aside from his grandma on his dad’s side the rest can go take a long walk off a short volcano observation platform

“Okay, that explains why Kevin is here….how?! Despite all of the unwarranted advice, Kevin is not a medical professional.” Nicky says before turning to Kevin, “So Kevin, what insane Exy-related reason are you here? Don’t lie and say it’s because you want to sign the get well soon card.” He hisses.

“Fuck you!” Kevin spits, “I need to know how long Smiths is going to be out of commission and what his PT is going to look like. He was supposed to be starting during the spring season.” Kevin growls.

“There it is!” Nicky throws up his hands.

“Nicky, just calm down!” Neil pleads.

“How can I stay calm? Andrew stabbed Smithy! So not only is my favorite freshman in the hospital Andrew’s going to end up back on those god forsaken meds again!” Nicky shouts and buries his face in his hands.

“Smith isn’t going to say that.” Andrew’s voice is calm but Nicky can hear the slight edge.

“Oh yeah?” Nicky asks because he could see FF promising to never mention who stabbed him if Andrew would just spare his life. FF was going to be even MORE of a disaster when it came to his anxiety around Andrew. Nicky wouldn’t be surprised if his friend just straight up dropped out after this. His cousin is safe but he’s absolutely going to lose his friend.

“Because he’s saying Romero Malcolm stabbed him.” Andrew finishes.

Nicky sits up.

“Wait, what?” Nicky asks.

“Last night Romero Malcolm was at Eden’s.” Neil says voice even in a way that lets Nicky know that he’s trying to stay calm, “Smith recognized him, heard he wanted to grab,” Neil swallows thickly, “…grab one of my friends and saw them looking at…” Neil trails off and looks to Andrew who shakes his head, “…around for someone to grab.” Neil seems to decide and Nicky knows when something is being hidden from him but he’s more interested in the story than what Neil is hiding at the moment, “He got Romero’s attention so that he wouldn’t do anything bad in Eden’s and let Roland know to call help. He went out alone into the alley but Romero didn’t follow him.” Neil explains.

“Oh thank god.” Nicky sighs.

“Because he’d alerted Jackson Plank was lying in wait to ambush him.” Neil continues.

“Oh dear god.” Nicky exclaims.

“He uh…” Neil looks to Andrew who shakes his head again, “okay we don’t know exactly HOW Smith managed to do it but he beat Jackson up pretty bad.” Neil explains.

Nicky feels his brain stop working.

He has watched FF trip over his own feet, walk into four different trees, and almost sprain his ankle walking across a flat surface. He knows FF has been watching self-defense videos and had even gotten some pointers from Matt but even Matt had told him his better bet was probably just to yell “WOW WHAT’S THAT OVER THERE?!”, point behind the attacker, and run as fast as humanly possible away from a fight.

Neil is still talking.

Nicky boots back up quickly.

“…a gun. He tackled Romero into Andrew and Andrew’s knife ended up in Smith’s stomach on accident while they were wrestling for the gun. Smith is the one who said he’s going to tell everyone who asks that it was Romero. He even said it to me.” Neil says with an awkward laugh.

“And you believed him.” Andrew says and there’s warmth in his cousin’s eyes as he looks at Neil and teases him.

“And I believed him.” Neil confirms.

“Okay, so you swear to me that you did not INTENTIONALLY stab my BFF?” Nicky asks looking at Andrew seriously.

“BFF, seriously?” Kevin asks.

“Best Freshman Friend.” Nicky answers quickly, “Don’t worry Kevin, you lose out to Matt in all regards for my Best Senior Friend.” He says.

Kevin just flips him off but Nicky turns his attention back to Andrew, “Andrew, I need to hear it.” He says .

“I did not intentionally stab Smith.” Andrew confirms.

Nicky lets the horrified nausea leave him with only his hangover nausea.

“Okay, we can work with that.”  Nicky leans back. “Have you heard from that Agent?” he asks looking at Neil.

Neil nods but then looks nervous and shoots a look towards Kevin, “The FBI is sending Browning and a field office agent to talk with us but…Ichirou also contacted me.” He says and Nicky watches as Kevin perks up.

“He did?!” Kevin squawks looking around like he expected the head of the Moriyama family to appear from the shadows.

“He wants to make sure we do our part to keep the Moriyama name out of this. He is going to deal with Romero and Jackson himself.” Neil says looking nervous.

Nicky clenches his eyes shut, “Well you’re not going to mention them right?” he hears Kevin ask.

“Of course not Kevin.” Nicky hears Andrew hiss.

“Good.” Kevin says.

There’s silence in the wake of Neil’s statement.

Nicky takes a deep breath and wishes his head was a little less agonizing. “Why aren’t we at the hospital to see Smithy?” he asks because he has nothing he can do about Ichirou so he may as well put it out of his mind.

There is some grumbling.

“Wymack said that he’ll just make us sit in the waiting room without any updates.” Neil says. “We’re picking up Smith’s grandma from the airport and she’s our ticket to getting an actual update beyond ‘not dead yet’ from Wymack.” He adds.

“What, you really can’t get updates without Wymack?” Nicky asks.

Andrew looks at Nicky and Nicky can’t read a single thing his cousin is thinking.

“What’s Smith’s first name Nicky.” Andrew asks.

“Oh God fucking Dammit.” Nicky’s head hurts too bad for this.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

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@i-have-three-feelings

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The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i’m trying my hardest to not act how i feel

[rosesart11]

remembering the fact that both Pan and Freddie wanted to run away from the city and I passed out for 2 days to this on my canvas

[saintkey]

the intrepid heroes giving into their impulsive thoughts to punch a character and then saying they didn’t do it is the irl version of reloading a quicksave after murdering someone you don’t like

[mudstoneabyss]

weird how some people will rb post after post about how it's actions that matter not thoughts or feelings thought crimes don't exist low/no empathy doesnt make you a bad person. then turn around and say if you don't feel bad or angry about this thing I personally care about you're evil

[cyrsed]

this is going to hurt, isn't it. yes, step inside.

:)

[polyamorouspunk]

*brushes hair out of my face with a very sharp knife in my hands*

[fi2ishdobehere]

tboi x rw??? tboi x rw.

im going insane over the crossover so i made art while suffering the aftermath of a concussion :)

[mrhotdog95]

i know mishima doesnt have any room to talk about someone being pathetic but i think the idea of gayball (joker) crytyping at people is reaaly funny

[anomaly-beans]

When you. Have the energy and want to talk about ocs, but also have nothing interesting to say that you haven't said before and no prompts at all to use to talk about them.

[vypridae]

i, as a non-aroace person, would like any aroace people (or any aro people, or any ace people) to come inform me of how i would be able to RESPECTFULLY and ACCURATELY navigate alastor's aroace-ness in making content of him, including shipping content /gen