#sorry I haven't posted in a while. This is the first time all week I've had time to relax | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mooishbeam · 5 months

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『♡』 Brittle is Devotion

♡ featuring: ex-husband!toji x f!reader

♡ summary: it's been a while since you've seen your ex-husband, and on a drunken night, buried feelings emerge. wc: 12.2k+ (bruhhh)

♡ cw/tw: mentions of violence/blood, angst/comfort, rekindled feelings, rough sex, missionary, prone bone, full-nelson, overstimulation, cervix fucking, creampie, m/f receiving, throat fucking, sadism/masochism, dom/sub dynamics, squirting, fingering, praise/degredation kink, dumbification, edging, breeding kink, feral toji mmm, pet names (angel, sweetie, baby)

notes: good morning!! hope everyone is having a lovely day, i am so so so so sorry i haven't posted in so long i didnt abandon the account!! i've just been getting it together before the semester starts, and i didnt expect for it to be this long :(( im very tired but ill try to get some stuff out in the next couple of weeks, most likely long fics too. ty so much, and srry for any spelling mistakes. art by ilameys_ on ig! <;3 comments and reblogs are appreciated!

Picking up the pieces after Toji is rough. The divorce was bad enough, and you currently have an aching pain stilling in your chest that makes it hard to take the shallowest breaths. It hammers in the tight confines of your ribcage, and as you sob into your pillow the only relief you desire is sleep, so that you may have temporary solace from the grief wrecking your brain. Your new apartment feels entirely too shallow. There’s no crumby television to use because you were too broke to afford the higher-end appliances, or that creaking mattress you both squeezed into until you could thrift a reasonable headboard. You missed the 60s style tiles painted a horrific green in your kitchen, and the shower that ran out of hot water every other day. It was terrible, downright unlivable for most, but you had each other.

It hurts more because you love him. So much. Unbearably, to the point where you screamed at the top of your lungs until your throat scratched through angry hot tears, begging him to care for a moment, to give you a reason to stay. Countless times, threatening to walk out if he didn’t endeavor to change. But he never believed you. He thought you’d never leave, because all you had was him.

And it was true, for years it was. Toji was your dream man; funny and thoughtful. It wasn’t conventional kindness, but it was his. Money didn’t matter—even as you enjoyed a frozen meal on the floor of your empty apartment in the first couple months of moving in with him, you had a smile on your face. Even when your friends and family begged you not to marry him, because they couldn’t stand the sight of him and his arrogant, sometimes aggressive candor, you went on with it anyway. You knew who he really was at heart.

He was your first everything, you felt if he left, you’d melt to nothing and become a shell of who you once were, because Toji had become an extension of you. You waited for him to get home, had dinner, and slept through the outside commotion of cars and bar fights; his securing arm locked around you, hand cradling your head and legs intertwined. There was no one like him.

He knew that and got greedy.

To you, the change was fast, but it’d been spreading like a nasty mold for years. You’d sunk so deep you hadn’t noticed the drought until you reached the bottom. He taught you love, then pulled away; separated himself with additional shifts and pathetic excuses. In turn you punished yourself, showered him with heavier instances of love and endearment, and convinced yourself you needed to try harder. If the sex wasn’t daily, you gave him more. If he didn’t like the food, you learned how to be a better chef. If the house wasn’t clean, you scrubbed top to bottom. Wringing a tired towel, dry of sacrifice. Chasing after him until the soles of your feet blistered. Still, not a smidge of praise or approval came to fruition. When he did—which was rare—those peppered spaces ignited a lasting burn in your heart, keeping withering fire alive.

Soon, those fleeting kisses and distant pauses weren’t enough, and he didn’t care enough to change. You’d plead and cry at his feet, and he’d scoff and walk past you.

“We’ll talk about it later”, he’d say more often than not. You didn’t have the confidence to leave, and he consumed himself with whatever underground work he participated in, while you decayed in a declining marriage.

A grimace on his face, laid back on the couch and looking at you expectingly, as if you would drop to your knees and service him in a heartbeat—but you did exactly that. And you were tired, utterly tired of pulling the emotional and mental leaden baggage on your own. It was heavy, and you were crushing yourself underneath it. You still loved him with every inch of your being, and you’d do it all for him, but it couldn’t be just you anymore. He came home one fateful night to you sitting at the dining table, spotlighted under the stark glass pendant lamp in your dark apartment, dejection that foreshadowed the unfortunate end.

“Do you love me?” He gazed at your solemn face and scratched his head.

“Mhm.”

“Will you change?”

“No.”

That’s what you needed to hear. The next week, while he was at work, you gathered your clothes and measly possessions to leave. You sobbed the entire way through, shaking with uncertainty and fear of the unknown—unsure about a future without him. As you slid the dissolution of your marriage on the counter, the sudden reality made you unable to control your knees as you dropped to the floor, and tears spilled down your cheeks and freckled the papers. Luckily, Shoko was there to comfort you and help pack your things. The corners of that confinement spared a gentle, loving memory, and vitriol was left in its wake. Turning back to its hollowness for the last time, you imagined Toji, plopping onto the couch as he’d usually do to watch some late-night television show or going to bed. Like you weren’t there.

Maybe you never mattered in the first place.

It’s been a year since, and things are looking up for you. An opportunity surfaced in a field you were interested in applying for, and you miraculously got the job. Moving over a city helped you adjust to your new life—that, and a bottle of dark burning liquor. No matter how much you mindlessly typed at your computer or partied with coworkers, you couldn’t stomach the pit gorging through you, a hole that surfaced everything you’d been burying.

You’re not prepared to face the forlorn mock of your bleached walls today. As you pry your eyes open, the flickering shimmers through your sheer curtain cast across unattended sheets, soothed by stuffed animals strung along the comforter. You reach for something that isn’t there in your groggy state—a gentle reminder that your morning would be just as empty as yesterday.

Today isn’t any other; it’s what would’ve been your five-year anniversary. One year, of new beginnings and new friends. A year of solitude.

You don’t bother slinking out of bed. The accumulation of tasks awaiting you is more daunting than the actual execution. In an attempt to regain control of your life, you established a healthy routine. It entails waking up at early hours to exercise and work on projects and meal prep, and ending your night early with extra exercise and skincare. It was amazing at first and quelled your sadness. What they didn’t inform you of, was the spectacle; the appearance and perception of perfection, and not the struggles or gradual burnout of maintaining that lifestyle. When the distraction died down, and work and social activities became a congealed, monstrous chore, you quickly resented those limp salads and vomit-inducing runs.

You expel a loaded sigh and pull the covers over.

The vibration of the phone buzzing on your stomach peels your eyes awake. You allow it to pass, but it rings again. From a frustrated exhale, your languid hands muster the strength to flip to its notification; Shoko’s calling.

“Hello?” you mutter, fatigue caught in your throat.

“Fuck, you sound like hell!” she replies. The repetitive clack of office keyboards and analog phones being slammed by stressed out coworkers distorts the background. Thank God I used my paid time off.

“I love you too, Shoko.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean it like that…you ok?” It’s much sweeter. Shoko has always been a supportive friend, perhaps bordering on too supportive. You cherish her motherly concern, and rather vulgar honesty.

“Mm, I’ll manage.”

“I can come over after work.” You flip onto your back, soaking in the mild sunlight.

“S’alright, I’m sure you’re busy, and I might sleep in. Wallow in sorrow for a few hours.” Shoko drawls a dramatic groan and creaks back in her chair.

“Nothing good comes out of feeling sorry for yourself. Go to the club or somethin’.”

“‘N how’s that gonna help?”

“Better than whining at home. Wear something sexy, look pretty and get laid. That’s how I get over shit.”

“Mm, right. I don’t know if that’s gonna work” you giggle, toying with one of the ears on your stuffed bunny.

“Oh yeah, forgot you’re the born-again Virgin Mary now. You know… if you want to get over ‘him’, you have to take the first step.” You can envision her air quotations. She treats his name as forbidden speech, and regularly refers to it in conversation as “he who shall not be named.”

“Ugh, mother Shoko’s speaking.”

“Listen, it may or may not work. Don’t knock it ‘till you try it is all I’m saying.”

“Yea? Well, if he has a tiny dick, I’m blaming you.”

“Nothing wrong with shellfish.”

The last curl falls in place, and you follow it up with copious amounts of hairspray. Fanning your bathroom after a drawn out coughing fit, you get a good look at your figure in the mirror. The backless lacy black dress you’re wearing hugs you in all the right places and guides the detail sitting tight under your butt. It’s undoubtedly revealing, coupled with strappy heels and a dark cat eye.

You walk past your vanity and pause at the messy jewelry box, riddled with remnants of Toji’s adoration. Sparkling varieties of heavy necklaces and rings and precious diamonds; ninety percent of your jewels were because of him. You’d asked if he stole the items he gifted you, and he’d come up with an elaborate sarcastic story about a jewelry heist he carried out, and how appreciative you should be. Buried underneath rested your engagement ring, a sparkling cut that crowded your entire finger. You couldn’t bring yourself to pawn it, opting to occasionally revel in its beauty before shoving it in a far corner with your feelings.

Shoko wasn’t lying about how sexy you’d feel dolled up, and it shows in your confidence as you modeled around your bedroom, striking poses to no one. Your plushies weren’t very appreciative of the full-blown fashion show, but you hadn’t felt like this for a long while. Maybe it was about time you entered the dating scene.

The entrance to Infinity appears as a run-down tacky club from an outdated era, and it’s easy to miss the multicolored flashes dotting the black tinted glass on each side. A few steps past the black and white checkered vestibule, and you get to experience the scale of a roaring, clashing club. It’s not half as lively on the outside; sweat dripping under twinkling lights of multicolor, bodies colliding and moving to the melodic sway of erratic music vibrating through the floor, freely drowning and expelling their insecurities, deepest struggles. It’s both welcoming and hopeless.

A woman balances her shot glass as she gyrates against a stranger while another stumbles off the dance floor in a drunken stupor. The heat and screams are overstimulating, circulating around you. You consider withdrawing, especially since you held some reservations about partying solo. However, this is what you need, to get comfortable with doing things by yourself.

So you down shots, two, three, burning of different varieties that heighten your body temperature and nerve. You throw back a mix of dark and white liquor, a dangerous combo that dizzies your vision and runs up an unfathomable tab you can't afford. The strangers accompanying you at the counter encourage you. No rational thoughts, let alone decision making, register in your alcohol-sodden mind. Like strings being fielded by a puppeteer, your legs move on their own to the dance floor.

It’s hot. The blurring iridescence bends to produce shapes that make your fuzzy brain giggle for some odd reason. You’re moving in slow motion, and the world’s continuing at max speed. You don’t care either way. You’re light on your feet, and the music goads you to dance. Spinning, hands tangled between your locks traveling down the curve of your thighs, hearing the lyrics inside and out as if no one is watching.

You dance with women and men alike, anyone willing to help you overlook your heartache. It’s floaty, an airiness that spills sober thoughts from cotton mouth and makes every touch electrifying. It’s in your legs and arms, your restless feet and fingers. You laugh hysterically, incomprehensibly, and switch to sadness in a heartbeat. These aimless bodies, just as lost as you, drinking to your despair. Was it worth the abyss tomorrow held, or the agonizing headache as a result?

After those dances, mainly flailing efforts at rhythm, your head is barreling. You’re suffering from a heavy case of vertigo at the slightest turn, and your stomach’s riddled with knots. It hits you like a car crash, and you strive to stabilize yourself as bile fills your throat, cringing when you reluctantly swallow. A disorienting slurry of words and faces ask you things you cannot hear or see, and it suddenly becomes too real.

In few sparse moments, your life plays before you in stop motion. From heaving over the toilet while a lady with long nails held your hair back, to knocking the drink out of someone’s hand on your way out. Now you’re walking on one heel and holding the other. You might’ve popped a nail if not for security holding the door open. They attempt to flag you, but you reply with a curt slurred “‘M fine.”

You push your knees together, sitting on the corner of a curb. This isn’t how you expected the night to end. It’s pitch black beside street lamps, and awfully quiet in contrast to inside. Shivers ripple through you despite the persistent warmth pooling in your ears. You lean on a street lamp in the calm cold as people leave, probably running to participate in intimate affairs with their acquaintances. The gentle hand on a waist or shoulder forms a subconscious smile; young, passionate love blooming on a random night.

And you burst into tears.

Ugly tears streaming down your face in blobs that don’t stop no matter how much you wipe them, followed by deep sniffles. They smear across your phone while you search for a taxi app, and your cloudy eyes deceive you.

You jolt when a hand brushes against your arm and turn to meet the foggy face of a man with stubble. You wipe your wet cheeks and lean further from him.

“Hey baby, you alright?” The pet-name makes you shudder. You definitely don’t know him, and at this point there’s no one outside.

“Wh’re you?” you garble.

“Kusakabe. Where ya off to?”

“Waitin’ for uh frien’” Your eyelids waver, failing to stay alert under the frightening stare burning holes through your skull.

“A friend, huh…you gotta man?” he asks, stepping closer to you. You back away to the side of the light.

“Go away.” You’re definitive, but he laughs as if it were the ridiculous request of a child.

“I like that dress. You look hot.” His hand drags along the strap of your dress, but you nudge his hand.

“Mm’get off me. N’don’ need your help.” He scoffs with offense, and as you go to leave, he grabs your wrist firm.

“Relax. Tryna go home with someone tonight?” You’re trembling, tugging with as much force as you can muster in your punch-drunk state, but he doesn’t budge.

“L’ve me alone”

“Don’t be like that, baby. I’ll call a cab-”

Whack! Your wrist goes limp, and the crunch and crack of flesh hitting concrete echoes. You sluggishly pan to him, knocked out cold beyond the spotlight. The influence takes you, however, and you nearly find yourself joining him on the sidewalk. Before you can fall, a broad, rough hand supports your lower back. Their deep gritty tone is inches away from you.

“C’mon, sweetheart.”

You rise from an unusually sweet slumber. The light shines through your eyelids, unavoidable even when you maneuver the velvety warm blanket for shade. Your eyeballs shift across thin skin being prodded by intrusive sun, and as they crack open, you catch a glimpse of the glass coffee table in front of you, arranged with perfection resembling a furniture showroom. You smile to yourself half-asleep, wondering when you bought such an expensive item, and how an abundance of sunlight made its way through your average window. You’re drifting off anew.

Then, you shoot up.

You start to really take in the surroundings, and when you do, a pit drops in your stomach. An ultra-wide flat screen television faces you, decorated with plants on either side. Craning your neck, the long windows of this penthouse line the adjacent wall up to the ceiling, which hangs a glass geometric chandelier. This isn’t your bedroom, nor your apartment.

Instantly you switch to sitting, and recoil just as fast. Pain envelops the wrinkles of your brain, and you wince from abrupt tension. You palm the bridge of your nose.

“Fuck” you whisper. Last night replays in your head through staccato bursts, though you couldn’t remember the minutes before you passed out. Embarrassment creeps onto your ears at the freak show you performed hours ago. You’d made a fool of yourself, puked and tripped like a sloppy drunk college girl. You can’t be more ashamed, and to top it off, you’re in the house of a stranger you possibly slept with. You look down from the smooth sectional sofa, and notice your heels arranged neatly beneath you with your phone and bag. At the very least, the man you engaged with seems to be accommodating.

You scurry to put your heels on, and hopefully sneak out in silence before you face further humiliation. Something about this blanket smells familiar; musk and oakmoss and man, grazing across your nose like the aroma in an intimate embrace, the earthy dew of calm before a storm, a trace only you can understand.

“Finally up?”

It’s that gravelly smoky voice you lived in for five years, and some before that. The voice you fell asleep to, mumbling nonsense in your ear through boorish snores. The voice you fell in love with, easily saying “I do” when you wedded at the courthouse. The voice you resent, saying nothing at all when you cried.

You look behind you, and there he is, walking down the staircase. He’s wearing boxers, settled under the tufts of hair running down his belly button. His rugged muscles peek out from the untied black robe dangling to his strong calves. His hair grew out a bit since you’ve last seen him, shaggy bedhead running across his eyes and covering his ears.

He smirks the same, though, sweet and soft for such a dour man, like nothing ever happened, approaching you while you sneer at the cruel joke bestowed upon you.

“Toji.” You haven’t said it in forever. It’s abashing how quickly your regularly tense shoulders relax in his proximity.

“How ya feelin’? Hope the couch was comfortable enough, figured you wouldn’t wanna sleep in my bed” he says, rubbing the back of his neck as he stretched his sturdy back.

“It was fine.”

There's an awkward quiet afterwards. The air’s thick, glass straining under pressure, threatening to give way at the smallest disturbance.

Toji clears his throat. “So, um...you need somethin’? Water?”

“No” you bark, folding your arms across your chest. You can’t look at him, not without feeling enraged. You’re the afterthought, the chaser, rushing after a man who wouldn’t dare look twice. “How’d you even know I was there?”

“Coincidence” he replies, and you scoff. He couldn’t get away with lying to you; playing games with moves you’ve lost to countless times.

“Like hell it was a coincidence. I’m in a completely different city now, what were you doing there?” You have to physically bite back the words begging to spill from your mouth as his head wanders in thought, possibly concocting another fabrication.

“Had business”

“Oh, I’m supposed to believe the man who hates keeping a job had ‘business’. Okay.” You don’t acknowledge the extravagance of the apartment he must be paying for monthly. That, or a chain of illegal activities—whatever assumption suited your irritation in the moment.

“Well, ya wouldn’t believe me no matter what I said, anyway” he chides. You’re a shaken bottle ready to explode, and his nonchalant demeanor only eggs you on. Toji’s perpetually dismissive, looking down on you like a pitiful puppy.

“Because you’re always full of shit” you snap. He exerts a loaded sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose, as if he had any right to be tired of the situation.

“’M not lyin’.”

“Right.” You observe your surroundings more. It’s too opulent, pricey vases you wouldn’t expect from the ex-husband that once thought hanging jackets in the doorway was “decoration.” Definitely not fit for a single guy. You’re separated, and you know it's not your responsibility to keep tabs on his sex life, but that caviling thought won’t stop taunting you. How could he get over it so soon?

“If you were just gonna bring me back to your fuck pad, I should’ve slept on the curb. Who knows how many girls you’ve had here.”

He gets eye-level, sitting on the coffee table with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together like a drained salaryman, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me? You can’t be serious. Like you never do anything wrong, like everything that’s happened until now is somehow my fault and you did nothing, nothing, to contribute to the bullshit. Stop acting like a fucking victim.”

“Little lady, you got shitfaced, and some guy was tryna take your drunk ass home. You’re lucky you went home with me instead.”

“I could’ve handled it; I don’t need you for anything-”

“You could barely keep your eyes op-”

“I would’ve handled it! Just like I handle everything else. Alone. Every time. It gets done, I’m not incompetent, Toji!”

You could hear a pin drop in the stillness. Those forested eyes are gazing into your soul. It’s said and done, and you’ve got it off your chest, yet it hurts like a freshly sliced gash. The arguing doesn’t change, married or not. It sucks when you shout, uncontrollable like a blazing fire, only to be snubbed out by his calm, condescending tone.

“...I know.”

You can’t take it, it’s stifling being near him. Wounds loosely covered by band aids seem to peel at his presence, and you’re stuck at his mercy again. You can’t give him the satisfaction of crying in addition to the drunk, poor decisions you made, hardening your expression as you fumble for your phone.

“Take me home” you demand. Toji stands with an exaggerated stretch on both arms, painfully slow. Before you can hurl your phone at him from the dramatics, he looks down on you with that intoxicating gaze.

“Are ya hungry?”

You furrow your brows, and hastily put on the other shoe. Turning on your heels, you go to leave, and are immediately stopped by Toji's calloused hand holding your wrist. You don’t watch, but his palm is gentle. You could smoothly slip out and exit his apartment, forget this engagement and continue a peaceful, isolated life. You’d move on eventually—perhaps to bigger, happier jobs and romances.

Despite that hopeful outcome, you remain.

“I don’t wanna eat. If you don’t take me home, I'll call a cab.”

“I’ll take ya home, just...look, I know you’re hungry, and I’m down to eat at a diner down the block. Don’t worry about a thing, I’ll pay for it.” Toji isn’t known for being docile, but with his curved posture almost leaning into you and dejection in his eyes, you swear he’s searching for pity.

“I said I’m not-,” The untimely arrival of your dinning, rumbling stomach cuts off any excuse. A corner of his mouth upturns, and your face contorts to scorned pride.

“...Fine. Let’s make it quick.”

“Great. Can’t have ya walkin’ around like that, though.” He pans to your chest. You haven’t thought to give your outfit a glance, but when you do, your eyes grow wide. The entirety of your conversation with Toji, your chest was spilling out the dress, and now part of your areolas is exposed. You cover up the top, but he stares with an x-ray's invasiveness. You reprimand him, swatting his chest;

“Pervert!”

There was an added benefit to being around Toji; the way people cleared a path for him and treated him with frightened kindness, afraid that pissing off the physically intimidating man would land them a one-way ticket to the nearest hospital.

They weren’t exactly wrong, and you have a satisfied pep in your step as people scoot aside. He strides in front of you to get the door, and you mutter a small “thank you.”

Sweet fluffy pancakes and charred grills mingle with faint notes of bleach. At least he knew better than to take you to a fancy establishment, especially since you were wearing a baggy t-shirt from him, and basketball shorts you had to tie around the waistband. His massive slides had you flopping across the dining aisle as you got to your booth. He’s not particularly dressed either, wearing matching shorts and a compression top.

It’s hard not to perceive the way women ogle him, drooling at the way his biceps flex when he raises the menu, and his chiseled jaw tensing while he ponders the food options. It was a notable problem when you were married. They’d glare at you, shower him with compliments in front of you, and you’d shrink yourself. Occasionally the waiter would pretend you don’t exist as she swayed her hips at every little thing Toji said. If they want him, they can have him. It’s not your business, right? It’s no different with this waiter, twirling the curl of her hair as Toji reiterates his order, shifting from one leg to the other to highlight her curves.

Not my business. You're nauseous.

Not my business. Your fists clench underneath the table.

Your head’s swimming in thoughts, uncertainty crashing down like a wave upon your increasingly loud intrusions. You drown within yourself, until you’re pulled out by a thumb travelling up your hand, and other fingers clasping around it.

“Watcha wanna order, angel?” You regain composure, and when you blink, Toji is waiting for you. The waiter side-eyes you and the joining of your hands.

“You lost? Take her order” he spat.

The food's steaming hot and fresh, and you salivate at the plate in front of you. Toji snatches your bacon before you can, and you begrudgingly watch as he breaks the strips into two pieces, the way you like it. He winks, and you groan. You coat your strawberry pancakes with maple syrup, trespassing territory around the scrambled eggs and bacon, and he laughs across from you.

“What’s funny?”

“Never stopped drowning your breakfast in syrup” he ribs. You pout and swirl your bacon, “It makes it taste better.”

Soon, food in your belly aided your dialogue, and the old banter returned; an easygoing flow, similar to a lifelong friend you hadn’t spoken to in decades. You giggle between bites and gossip about mutual rumors.

"What you been doin’ since..." Toji trails off, falling short of “divorce”—a word he never wants to say.

"Shoko recommended me to her boss, so I'm working uptown now. Pay's okay, nothing to write home about."

"S'good. Livin comfortable?"

"As comfortable as I can be"

"Real humble. Guessin’ it's better than before" he jokes, though you sense a displace in his bearing at the nervous grin he flashes. You reach onto to his side and grab one of the grapes off his plate. You pop one in your mouth, "So, what drug ring got you that house?"

"The cartel. Good vacation time, too" he jests.

"Nice. at least it's not that shitty garbage gig you had for a while."

"It did pay well."

"Yeah? Couldn't get rid of the rotten milk and vomit smell for weeks after. Remember I made you shower at Geto’s apartment?"

“Heh, yeah, he was fuckin’ pissed” he laughs, stealing a piece of sugary bacon from the syrup pool. "I'm a CEO, run a company downtown."

"Ooo, look at you. Can't be little if it did this much for you" you say as you gesture at the empty dishes on the table. Restaurants were a luxury in your household.

"I guess. I had a vision, and some people believed in me”, he pokes at the leftover blueberries, “I finally made it happen, that counts for something, right?"

You pick another off his plate, smile stretching, "You're a natural born leader. People will follow you regardless, even if it's not the right choice."

His eyebrows raised in surprise, "That's the first good thing you said about me today."

"Don't get used to it."

You wait for Toji to retrieve his car after walking back to his apartment. You’re awestruck in many ways; he paid for the whole meal with a black card and showed undying manners. He bowed to your requests. You’re smarter than this, though. This is his opportunity to get on your good side, and he’s showing the best version of himself. However, it fills your heart with want—like the initial dating phase, those butterfly stricken, heart-numbing, sappy gestures that made you melt.

He wraps around the car to open your door, and you plant yourself in the sleek beige interior. Your eyes flick to the veins in his forearm straining as he steers, his deadpan focused expression and the composed R&B music low in the background. It starts to drizzle, and raindrops plink the car roof.

You feel complete; And that alone is a dreadful reality.

The scar on his lip twists to a smile, “Did’ya like the food?”

You turn your nose up, “it was satisfactory.” He snickers, and navigates to the street your apartment is on. “Shit, I gotta give you your clothes back.”

“Forget it, bring it when you get the chance.” Chance. He expected to see you again. You hang your head as he approaches the complex. You didn’t want today to end, but this is it. You’ll leave this car and go your separate ways. This is how it should be.

You place an earnest hand on his shoulder and cast a smile. The corners quiver and your first syllable wobbles, but you finally speak, “I’m proud of you, Toji. I mean it. You’re going to do great things, and I’m always rooting for you.”

He swallows stiff, and suddenly he’s sickly pale. Something within you is pleased at that reaction; if he wants redemption, he should beg and drop to his knees and crawl for forgiveness, he should lock himself up for your eyes only and cut off everyone else in his life. You’re walking away a second time, rightfully so, but you struggle to decipher what you want in this moment. He palms your hand, staring at you, “I’m all for praise, but tell me when we meet again”

“Toji, there can’t be a next- “

“Give me your phone.”

“Huh?” His urgency throws you off guard, “Don’t think, just give me your phone.” It’s impossible to kill the complicated slurry that is your mind, and a new bundle of thoughts emerges from his request, but for a heartbeat, you allow yourself to wander. Pitter patter and muted music, heated seats, the cologne radiating from Toji—all that exists.

You moved on instinct, and now your phone is in Toji’s hands. He's adding his contact information. He hands it back to you, fingers brushing against your soft skin.

“I won’t text or call you. ’S there whenever you need me. Move at your own pace and call me when you’re ready.” With that, you exit his car. No hug or gratitude, skipping goodbyes as you rush out the car. It’s bittersweet when he pulls off, and you’re left with the ghost of him.

The familiar click of your convoluted keys in the apartment door could bring you to tears. You’ve officially reverted to your mundane, boring lifestyle. The walls look duller today.

You curiously click on his contact, and giggle at the name he assigned himself:

dumbass ex

tick, tock, tick, tock

The blue light beaming through your office computer is an eyesore, but you have little say in the matter. There's an upcoming deadline for these reports, you can’t waste precious skill complaining about circumstances out of your control. It’s tiresome, and you rove to the cobweb missing a string in the corner of the room, or the single drop of water roaming outside those wide sterile windows. The balls of your feet carry your flats as you absentmindedly push a pen against your lip.

Your concentration has been out of commission since meeting Toji. He kept his word and hadn’t called you whatsoever. A month passed, and still nothing. Be glad, you told yourself, get your goals back on track. Your exercises get vicious, from jogging to a full sprint, hoping that those buckets of sweat will shed off the extra weight of Toji’s abidance. The fruit bowl on your break offends you with mocking displays of strawberries and grapes. You’ve pondered deleting the contact entirely to repel enticement, but you can’t do it. It’s painfully clear that you miss him.

He’s horrible, callous and selfish. Of course, Toji had a way of showing up at your lowest to fill your head with empty promises and gestures of affection, that charming grin shooting daggers at your weakness. In his gaze, you’re defenseless, and in his arms, you’re exposed.

Albeit late, a pestering thought carves into you, unfortunate and disgraceful to the healing you strive to accomplish; message Toji.

A set of wheels rolls above the carpet, and you see Shoko, lifeless arms hanging beyond the armrests. The bags under her eyes signify stress from finalizing late papers.

“Unnghhhh, (Y/N), I can’t do it” she laments, drooping her head to the side. You pat the top of her hair, “I believe in you.”

“What are you working on?” She quirks a brow, and you stare at the screen with her. You’ve typed an entire page of straight gibberish. “I’m getting distracted too...”

“Let’s quit and tell her to shove it.”

“You know I can’t do that” you fuss as you backspace the document. “Mm, me neither. What’s got you zoned out?”

“Nothing in particular.” You’re afraid to tell Shoko of your rendezvous, she might become volcanic and fire magma at the sound of any “-oji”.

“I know it’s not nothing. New boyfriend, hm?”

“S-something like that” you chuckle. She shapes an ‘O’ with her mouth, and wheels closer. Her bangs touch your eyebrows, and she rests her chin on her hand. Her usual dead eyes have a malicious twinkle in them.

“What’s he like? Is he tall or short?” she gasps, “did you meet him at the club? I told you it was a good idea; I really am the best advisor.”

You sigh, “It’s no one new.”

“Ooo, an old flame. Spicy. What’s his name?” You turn slowly, a nervous bite on your lips. She studies your face, and slowly hers drops.

“Do not fucking say it.”

“Shokoooo” you whine, searching for sympathy from her. Instead of that, your body is shaken violently as she whisper-yells, “Are you kidding? Get a grip! What’s gotten into you, you were fine!”

“But I wasn’t. It sucks, I feel lonely all the time.”

“You felt lonelier with him than without him!”

“I know, but...” You ball your lips in with furrowed brows, and she holds her breath.

“I wanna go see him” you squeak. Instantly, she squishes your cheeks with both hands to hold you in place.

“Absolutely. Fucking. Not.”

At home, you pace back and forth in front of the phone resting on your bed. Toji’s contact is open, and nausea is brewing in your stomach. You’re giddy and ill, working up the courage to press “call”. You really should be practicing Shoko’s advice, but you’ve long surpassed common sense. You leave and come back, spying on it from a distance. Eventually, you forgo the theatrics and grab the phone to hit the messenger app.

Three dots vanish and resurface. You can’t get it right:

'Hey stranger I got custody of ur clothes rn'

'Hey haha I missed u can I come over?'

'Yo what’s up? Still have ur clothes do u want them?'

'I’m coming to give u ur stinky clothes'

This shouldn’t be complicated, and you don’t usually perform the process of elimination for simple responses, but it’s Toji. You’re scrambling and overanalyzing, reiterating your choice of slang only to delete it all over again. You settle for a simple message. “Hey Toji, I wanted to return your clothes. Let me know when you’re available. Thanks”

Once you hit send, you run a marathon around your bedroom, tippy tapping to expel your anticipation. The churning grows as seconds pass, and so does your doubt. You tiptoe to the phone as if a displaced floorboard would activate the alarm. You’re about to tap the screen, and then your ringtone plays.

Oh god.

You take a deep breath and swipe right on the faceless profile picture labeled “dumbass ex”.

“…Hello?”

“Hey, angel.” You avoid a dull pound in your chest at the memorable pet name. “So, um-“

“I wanna see you. I’m available now, and I’ll be home by the time you get here” he states, direct and confident. His conviction validates yours, you bend to his direction.

“Okay then. I’ll start getting ready.”

“I’ll send a cab to your address. See you soon.” When he hangs up, you dive into the pile of plushies. Squeezing them for emotional support, kicking your feet in the air as you scream into your ruffled pillows like a girl’s first crush. You have a long night ahead of you.

You access Toji’s building. He must’ve notified them you were coming, as the doors were open upon arrival, and a bellhop was sent to guide you to his floor. You’re standing outside of it, clothes and a bottle of champagne in hand. Your stretchy maxi dress clings to your figure, complimenting the juicy shade of lip gloss you’re wearing—the shade he loved most on you during your marriage. You ring the bell, and it doesn’t take long before he opens the door. The scene you’re exposed to swells heat between your legs.

Toji has nothing but a towel shimmied low on his hips, v-line adorned with veins and biceps corded with muscle. He’s trimmed his hair since your last encounter, and it’s dripping wet along with the rest of his soaked body. You’ve interrupted his shower apparently, but he didn’t hesitate to rush to the door, water cascading from the raven veil, sluicing down his sculpted chest. He had to have done this on purpose, but you weren’t complaining at this point; he looked damn good doing it. You can’t disengage from the beads branching amid his pecs and through his happy trail. God, you wish you were water personified right no-

“You’re staring, dollface” he teases with a smirk. Your eyes snap to his, and you remember to breathe. You clumsily hold up the liquid peace offering, “Brought a little something.”

“Thanks. Make yourself comfortable, I’m gonna get dressed.” You nod, and he marches upstairs. You don’t need comfortability; you need to be in and out of here before you do something you’ll regret.

But...is that cedarwood and vanilla? The interior gives off romantic energy at night, attractive dim lighting throughout and dull flickering pops of his fireplace in the living room. You find the source of that heavenly scent sitting on his kitchen island, and awkwardly place the bottle down. You don’t know what to do with yourself, more so you don’t know what to say. It’s hard to recite a script when things aren’t going according to plan. Did you want to apologize, or force him to apologize? Maybe you should’ve cursed him out, rehashed his asshole behavior from the past until he drowned in guilt. You want to kiss and slap him, cry in his arms until your voice gives out and disappear all at once.

There’s a beautiful clear vase in the center, crammed with your favorite flowers, and your fingers dance across the petals. “You like ‘em?” he asks stepping into the kitchen. His hair’s still saturated, but he’s sporting grey sweatpants and a black ribbed tank top. “They’re very pretty.”

“They’re for you.”

You switch between his playful expression and the burst of colors, “You don’t have to do that.” The bouquet evokes recollections of heated arguments—anytime he’d angered you to tears, and you slammed that bedroom door in his face, you always woke up to similar flowers on the floor. They were cheap, but it meant more than money; because despite the fights and disagreements, it let you know that he’d love you regardless.

“I wanted to. As thanks for bringing my clothes.” He’s pacing towards you, and you’re bound to the floor like melting wax. His gaze is captivating, and you’re entranced by the verdurous ardor that won’t deter from you.

“Thank you”, you say as he looms above you and inspects the scripture on the pale bottle. His large thumb blocks the intricate lettering he’s trying to read, “I should be thanking you. Didn’t think you’d ever message me.”

You can feel the body heat radiating off him, the airy words as he mouths the contents. His eyebrows furrow to follow his focus, while you lose yours.

“I-I should probably get going-” Without delay, Toji blocks your side with an iron grip on the island, trapping you in the confines of his broad wingspan.

“Leaving so soon? You got plans tonight?” Saying and doing are completely different stories, and from the way your feet haven’t moved, you aren’t in a rush to go anywhere.

“Not really, but I worked today and I’m kinda tired-”

“Then what better way to unwind than with a bottle? I can’t drink this by myself, might as well keep me company” he suggests, persuasion to a greater extent when your lower back hits the bar. A drink or two couldn’t hurt, right?

“I guess I can stay for a few minutes.” Toji flashes a victorious toothy grin and retrieves cups from the sink cupboard. He gives you a rounded glass, and his muscles flex below candlelight as he maneuvers the cork at an angle.

“Let’s crack this open” he says, popping the cap off and pouring a substantial amount of golden fizz into both cups.

Toji raises his glass, “A toast.”

You tilt your head but raise yours as well. “To what?”

“Us.”

Us is a funny thing—with enough effort, it becomes you and I just as quickly as it formed. You don’t know if you’re willing to accept the responsibility of eternity. The devastation of commitment could damage you forever. There’s no us, but there’s you and him. So, you clink your glass, “To us,” and his eyes never leave yours as he takes a swig. It lasts a lifetime among longing breaths and unsaid words.

He brings the champagne to the living room, “I’ll turn on a movie. You know that cheesy romcom shit you used to watch? They made a sequel.” You fall flat on containing your excitement. He grabs the remote and lays back with his thighs spread apart.

Toji pats the couch, “Come sit. Don’t worry, I won’t bite.” You hardly believe that, but you remove your heels and relax upon overstuffed cushions. You opt to sit farther on the couch, and there’s an annoyed twitch on his lip at your display of boundaries. Nevertheless, he starts the movie.

Toji’s not particularly sneaky. He announces multiple bathroom breaks, returning to a spot on the couch that’s inconspicuous, but inching closer to you. The intent becomes clear when the ghost of his shoulder knocks against you, spreading his thighs wider to brush against the softness huddled into your snug figure. You’re half paying attention to the cliché performance, and half observing Toji. It’s hard not to smile when he behaves like a disobedient dog obligated to sit.

It’s cute that he arced himself to be eye-level with you. His tank rode up to expose his lower abdomen, and he adjusts himself in his sweats, jaw occasionally clenching. It could be the drink talking, perhaps you’ve had too many.

The movie ends, and you exhale a sigh of relief. “I forgot how corny this shit is.”

Toji shrugs, “I didn’t think it was too bad.”

“No way, you actually liked it?” you gasp. He huffs out his nose, smiling, “People change.”

“I’m shocked” you quip. Dusk creeps into a descending sunset, and you steal a glance at your phone screen. Bright as day, a notification from Shoko emerges. “NO TOJI >:("

You’re stumped thinking of a reply, one that doesn’t compromise your less-than-ideal situation, when Toji puts his hand over the screen. “Hope I’m not gettin’ ya in trouble.”

“Like you care.” He chuckles and slides it to the far side of the couch. “You’re right. Let’s watch another.”

This next movie's decent; a flat racing plot with excessive sequels. He unleashes an exaggerated yawn, extending his triceps to land behind your head. You quirk a brow at him, and he plays innocent. “You look cold” he says. You don’t care as much as you pretend. His pads trace the shell of your burning ear down to the lobe, to fine hair at the end of your neck. His rough hand massages the back of your head, and you lull to his chest. Be it the champagne or his actions, it’s too hot for comfort. Clamping your thighs shut spurs the intensity. His other hand languidly tests the limits of your skin, gossamer touches from your knee to your thigh. It's asking, and when you don’t object, he invites the entire palm to your knee, rubbing delicately. He brings it to your upper thigh, and retreats to the outside, getting dangerously close to your rear. The worst part is it’s not that bad. It’s intimate. Warm.

Loving.

It takes you a minute to comprehend you’re tearing up, but Toji recognizes that hushed sniffle. Airy and choked, quiet as to not be a burden. He circles a hand around your waist and pulls you impossibly close. He tilts your chin to his gaze, soft and deceptively gentle when he asks.

“What’s wrong pretty, hm?” You say nothing through the constrains in your throat, streaking the tears that fall faster than you can wipe them. This man alone can reduce you to mush with a wave of his hand. He bares your rawest state and sculpts you back together with such purity, such devotion, that you’d plead for him to sink his clay sodden fingers into your nothing, and make you everything.

“Tell me, and I’ll fix it.”

You say just above a whisper, “You’re selfish, you know that?”

“Mhm, I know” he nods, grazing his thumb across your lip.

“This isn’t healthy for us; we can’t heal like this.” He angles your head with his half lidded gaze, polishing your damp undereyes.

“I don’t need healing. I need you.”

You find passage in his hair, and surrender to temptation.

You test with a smooch. Then another. Then a series of tender, sugary kisses are pushed upon his pliant lips, and he responds in kind. You curl your fingers through his tresses as you explore the contours of his lips for what feels like the first time. Toji isn’t known for patience, but the sensation of his mildly dry lips getting smoother from your supple kisses gives him the will to savor this moment. You push and pull from each other, indulging in the messy smacks and caresses. You stop amid shared breaths to skim and nudge his yearning lips, diving into more hungry kisses. Toji abruptly lifts you over him, and you deepen its bruising passion.

You lick his bottom lip, and he groans, parting his mouth to allow your entry. You traverse the pink mass, interlacing in a wet feverish exchange. Your mind is numb, and the heartbeat in your core strikes stronger when your tongues intertwine. Toji hikes your dress up and slinks his massive hands over the plush fat of your rear. He earns a muffled moan from you as he kneads and gropes, and you feel his smirk against your lips. He grips your ass and starts to grind your hips on the bulge in his pants, a silent beg for any amount of friction. You wind with his movements, consuming him, and you hear a whimper get lost in the back of his throat.

You drag your teeth along his neck. You lick and suck in a few spots and decide to draw harshly on a responsive patch of skin while circling the fat of your pussy over his sensitive cock, taut in his boxers. His breath hitches, and he slaps your ass. “Fuck, baby please.” It’s rare to witness him begging like this, and you’re drinking it in. You lick up his Adam’s apple and pepper his jaw with kisses. “You like it?”

“Need more.” You bite his bottom lip for what seems like an exchange, but break away once he leans in. “Mm, be patient Toji.”

Your hands traverse the rugged muscle under his tank top. He aids in taking it off, and you rake over his breathless torso. You kiss along his pecs and lick the groove of his abs, delighting in the parts you missed during your separation. Toji has a tinge of red soaking his chest and ears, shifting uncomfortably from his throbbing cock when you bat your eyes as you slope to the floor. You slip a finger under his waistband, playfully running over its span, and snapping it from a peak. He hisses. You palm his erection, and he grinds into it.

“Wait” he husks. He reaches for a pillow and shuffles it under your knees. “Oh, thank you” you say, but it doesn’t look like he hears you in the chaos of tugging his sweatpants down to expose his boxers. The anticipation’s killing you, so you free his dick from its confinement.

You can’t forget the mouthwatering size. His girth meets his length with equal satisfaction. The base is tan, fading to a rosy tip and a faint curve. You committed his veins to memory, small ones embossing the sides and a prominent one meandering to his tip.

You maintain eye contact with him, hand steady on the base as you deliver taunting little licks to his frenulum. You precisely ring around his urethra and trace the veins, pulsating from the flick of your wrist. Toji hisses shaky curses and bucks, beefy thighs stiffening when you roll a flat strip to his leaking head and pump the base of his cock. He didn’t want to push you, but his whole body twitched in desire. “Your mouth” he groans. You react a coy ‘huh?’, tapping the head on your tongue and slathering it in saliva with cutesy doe eyes. He’s homed in on the strings of saliva connecting him to your tongue.

An undertone of desperation in his gravelly voice, “Whole thing. In your mouth,” he expends another shaky breath, “please.”

He bites his lip and stifles a moan, watching you engulf the cockhead in your mouth. You hollow out your cheeks while the underside of your tongue holds firm, and cautiously accommodate his size. It’s too big for comfort and it stretches the capacity of your plump spit-covered lips, but you work through the daunting pressure poking your reflex. You gradually relax, periodically gagging from an unprepared increase, and he twitches at your tightening throat. Your nose finally touches the hilt, flooded in his musk, and you start to suck. You bob leisurely, adjusting to the sense, and he subtly squirms in your touch.

Toji crinkles his brows when you release a pleasant pop on his tip, purely to observe his eyes rolling back when you wreck him in a noisy suction. Noise was no longer a factor—sounds of spit and dry retching overpowered the volume of the movie regardless. He holds your hair away from you to get a better view of your face, smothered with tears and mascara, drool ceaseless down your chin. “F-fuck, you’re so good, so, so good to me” he groans.

Your tongue swirls around him as you’re bobbing, and you accompany it with a tender massage to his balls. You cup and fondle them, using the lubrication from your spit to glide your fingers across. He sighs and grabs a handful of your hair. “Need to come. Keep that pretty throat open for me, yeah?”

He rapidly shoves you down to the hilt, and you wince before he continues at a relentless pace. You anchor his thigh for stability, and he throws his head back, fucking your throat raw. There's a sheen of sweat where his bangs stick to his forehead, and he emits an endless measure of moans the closer he gets. Rambling about nonsense, yes’s and curses as he stiffens. He treats your mouth like a flesh light, evident by the throat bulge disappearing and reappearing. You happily accept the searing jaw, swaying your ass from thrumming in your saturated panties damp to your inner thighs.

You can tell he’s about to climax because he goes completely quiet minus the panting, open mouthed with his head back. You resume massaging his balls, and he shoves you to the base, “C-coming” he moans. You grab onto him, and a squeak dies in your throat when he paints it white. He shakes, groans for each spurt coating your mouth, pumping the last of his semen as you swallow.

Toji shudders when he pulls out, and his panting returns to a soft huff. You expected him to be spent, or at least sit in the aftershocks for a while until he calmed down. But he tightens the grip on your hair and forces you to look up. “Show me” he husks. You stick your tongue out, proof you swallowed every bit. “Now c’mere”, he guides you into a filthy French kiss, devouring you with much more dominance than before. It’s as though your nearness restored him. You can hardly stand your feeble knees and sopping core, but Toji takes care of it for you. With unnatural vigor, he lifts you over his shoulder, and marches up the stairs. “Ah, Toji, maybe you should take a sec-”

He swats your butt harsh, and you yelp from the sting. “Don’t fuckin’ tell me what to do. You’ve been so mouthy, a damn tease, too. You’re gonna regret it.”

You’re ferried into the rather plain bedroom lined with dim hues, and a wide ceiling length mirror opposite the bed. He tosses you on the dark gray bedding and climbs over you. Your heart’s racing with thrill. Toji yanks the dress over your head, uncovering the sheer white lacey bra, similar to your underwear.

He stares like you’re a piece of meat, feasting on your flawlessness not yet smothered in hickeys and bruises, your nipples at attention under the fabric. “It’s all for me, huh?” he whispers, lust rolling off his tongue. You nod, because it’s always been for him, whether he was here or not. He buries himself in your cleavage and hums in satisfaction. His touch sends goosebumps to your skin and keeps your back arched when he drags a pad along your spine. Then your bra unclasps, and he removes it carefully, as if he didn’t want to spoil the surprise by unwrapping his gift too early. He gawks at them for an embarrassingly long pause, enough to make your cheeks hot, and you chide, “Stop staring.”

“Shut up, you’re gorgeous.” Toji submerges the bud, whirling around it while he roughly squeezes both breasts. He molds the dough of your breasts with strong palms, nips and tugs your nipple before soothing it with fierce tongue kisses. Consistent teeth grazing hikes your sensitivity before he trades it for sucking. When he switches to the other, he pinches the maltreated peak, eliciting a whimper. You merely bind your thighs and embrace the disarray being caused on your spit-soaked nipples. The cold air your abused tits receive as he withdrawals from suckling is nullified by the hickeys he leaves. You quiver from constellations of splotchy purplish red, delicious pain tingling throughout your torso. “Not so much, I have to go back to work soon” you moan, not very convincing.

“Even better; everyone’ll know who fucks you” Toji winks, and your heart skips. He dumps a nice vibrant bruise on your sternum, and advances to the dainty hem. He parts your thighs with ease, throwing them on his shoulder. Then he develops a haughty smirk.

You’re monitoring his face, until he presses a pad against your aching clit, and the subsequent juices overflowing from a huge wet patch. He plays with the spiderweb of slick between his digits, “Mm. Y’still my girl.” You blush as he sucks on them and licks his lips afterwards. Hooking under the panties, he pulls them taut, projecting the swell of your pudgy vulva in tightening lace. It sinks past your outer lips and cages your clit—you want to writhe from friction, but it makes it worse. He ghosts against you and kisses the print, and you want to scream. “Tell me what you want, or I won’t do it.”

“P-please...” you whine. You lock eyes, and you can hardly manage a word in the foreground of his intensity. How can he expect you to form coherent sentences when he sees through you like this? He gives a disappointed tut and puppeteers the strings, shifting them back and forth upon your neglected vulva. You cry out, and he cinches it together, isolating the part that pulses incessantly. He has an evil grin on his face, the bastard. “Details, baby.”

“Toji...please t-touch me alre-eady so I can come, m’sorry I won’t tease you again!” you promise, willing to do whatever it takes to reduce your sentence.

“And what else?”

“Your mouth on m-my pussy...please lick it.” You’re humiliated at the request that tumbles from your bottommost desires, but he’s satisfied. He’s never been one to shy away from dirty talk.

“Good girl.” Toji slithers your panties off, and you sigh from a loss of pressure just as his bangs tickle your pubic area. He interlocks your hands, a breath from eating you.

“You don’t look at me, I’ll stop. Think you can do that f’me?”

“Mhm!”

He hums in agreement and submerses into you. Toji’s a messy eater, especially when he’s desperate. He ovals the outer lips and precisely stirs your clit, and your stomach turns in knots from simple motions. He frames it and carefully winds around his capable tongue, really focusing on the spots that make your back curve; really focusing on your entry, as he teasingly digs in.

Toji cajoles a groan from his nose caressing your bud, then laps a level tongue over your wetness, truly tasting you. It isn’t long before his teasing farce began to crumble, and he obliged his ravenous appetite. He eats you starving, insatiable as he absorbs your twitching cunt and perfumed essence spilling down his chin. You clasp your hands, desire building in a trembling quake, but he doesn’t falter. He slurps your inner lips, and finally delivers proper care to your neglected clit. He hums a low vibration when he sucks, his pursed lips moving from a steady tongue to full on slobbering like some savage animal.

You appreciate the support his steady hands give your shaky ones. “Toji, hahhh coming” you whine, a familiar sensation flipping in your core. He lets his words fan onto you, “You know better” he husks. Your hips are bucking frantically, and so you whine, “Please, can I come sir, please please please please!”

“Hmm, I don’t know, you were ready to disobey me just now.” He says that, however the look in his eye is unrelated; it craves you, the want to make you squeal repeatedly until you’re on the verge of collapse. “’M can’t take it anymore, please let me come!” You urge your hips to his mouth, and meld into his warmth.

“Come on my face, pretty girl” he groans, just as hankering as you. He laps at your clit, and you sooner fall apart underneath him. Your whimpered plea forms an innocent sob as you spasm from overstimulation. Toji just doesn’t stop. His head careens against you, tasting everything your body has to offer. You’re suddenly regretting how badly you wanted to come.

“Toji- I-it’s too much” you protest, but it receives no response. Your release dribbles down his chin and he persists, ultimately unbinding when you lose a hold on his hands from the tremors. He diverges your lips and admires the way your mess clenches around air.

“Heh, you’re shaking. Cute.” He rubs the back of your legs, reassuring you in spite of his previous cruelty. You make a sad attempt at wiggling away, but he grabs you firm.

No running. Be good and hold your legs back.” He folds your legs to your shoulders, and you mewl, reluctantly wrapping your hands around them. ‘No’ isn’t a valid response at present.

Toji’s thumbs spread your wrinkling opening, and you feel a draft on its expanse before he spits directly into your hole. You jerk, startled, and he shushes you. He slathers his thick digits in your glistening strip, and smoothly sinks one inside. “Pussy so slippery for me. Miss this...miss you” he sighs, starting to pump. He prepares you for the main course, scrapes your walls and curls his finger to hit a spot you can’t reach. The nasty squelching sounds you echo from a mere finger casts heat on your cheeks, and he seems to enjoy your responsiveness as he adds another finger to the commotion. He twines a ‘come hither’ motion that makes your back arch from every delightful swipe against your velvety walls. Then his pink muscle undulates along your swollen bud, and you dissolve to a puddle. Your hips stutter, and surge after surge of torturous pleasure strikes you with no end in sight.

“Toji, f-fuck wait- hng s’feels too good” you whimper, and he gruffs a chuckle. He expands his fingers with precision, then chooses to slide a thumb in your butthole. The combination of both hands intruding your being, coiling into your soul jams your head with intoxicating dizziness and fictitious futures. Static pools in your stomach and circulates like the goading flickers of a raging inferno. He contacts your g-spot, and you moan, “Ah- can I, I’m close”

“I know, I know. Let go for me,” he says, or at least that’s what it sounds like when he’s face-deep. Your eyes are screwed shut, white noise before you crash and shatter around his fingers. Fortunately, you’re deaf to your own lewd wailing, clutching for dear life through contractions. It gushes past his wrist. Tears reside in your lashes, croaked sob from the slap he gives your puffy pussy. “That’s it, baby, there we go.”

Toji shows mercy and slips out. You’re still registering sultry bliss, untangling your limbs to lay slack. Empathy isn’t forever, though, because he forces your butt rearwards as he hops off the bed. Precum seeps from his tip, sheeting his shaft and heavy brimming sack. He propels your thighs to your chest, and your expression switches to fear for a second at the angry red tip sitting at your entrance. It's as if it grew since the blowjob, and you’re sure you’ll die if he stuffs that monster inside you.

He slides up and down the entrance, seizing the sore bud, “Mmm, pretty thing making a mess all over my cock.”

“Just go slow, okay?” you meek.

“Of course, ‘m not tryna kill you.” Toji doesn’t disrupt the yearning gaze between you, giving your entry several threatening caresses. He groans from the sensation of your puffy lips snuggling his length. Then he plunges the bulbous tip, encased in your passion. He’s unhurried for the most part, besides the instants he stops himself from ramming into you, cock begging to feel the fervor. He’s plugging you to capacity, and you’re only halfway in. Soreness whirrs in your walls being outstretched beyond belief, yet you’re milking what remains, dragging the rest of him in. His breath hitches, a spiderweb of veins pulses in your tight embrace and he rocks his hips further. “Look at the way you’re gripping me. Fuck” he shudders. His tip presses on your cervix, and you feel the weight of his balls on your rear.

Toji drives into you nice and slow. In this position you feel each vast stroke massaging your tumid core, squelching amidst your languid bodies. There’s almost a gloss film on his eyes as he indulges in the sweet addiction swamping his thoughts with unfiltered lust. “When you left it hurt real bad, y’know? I even cried.” You’re a bit stunned at his spur of honesty, but it’s short-lived as his thrusts get wilder and brutal. Your mouth hangs open, drool shameless out your mouth as he kisses your cervix without trying. You throb frenetically, chest heaving from the way his sack smacks against your ass and the creamy translucent ring forming at the base of his cock. His swinging strokes graze your g-spot and you sob, but he doesn’t check for your mitigation, encompassing your numb clit in the heat of his mean smacks.

“Heh, dunno if you remember, but you left a pair of panties when you moved”, Toji regresses to the tip and bottoms out repeatedly, “I’ve jerked off in them so many times, imagining you backing up this juicy pussy on my dick.” You’re hysterical, flushed from head to toe and struggling to take breaths. Toji has you locked slamming into your cervix. It coaxes a mix of pleasure and pain burning through you, and your toes curl. “You love me?” he asks. It’s unfair to ask you now, scatter-brained and drooling like a stupefied slut. But you nod, and he plasters a cocky grin. “Good. ‘S long as I have that, I’m okay.”

The unexpected flood of your orgasm quakes you, unable to warn Toji, or even ask for permission. How disappointed he’d be in you, as your juices sluice and soak, fluttering where you come undone. It’s a trail of fire, and it hurts to come. His hips sputter and he mutters a string of curses, flicking your nub faster to heighten the intensity of the earlier mess. You paw at his chest, back arched and fresh tears clustering in the haze. “Please, please!” you babble to an unresponsive Toji, stuck in a feral trance.

Toji pulls out, palpitating at the precipice of his own climax. You take this opportunity to flip on your stomach and creep to a farther part of the bed. He’s in no rush. You can’t go far like that, a net of arousal at the apex of your thighs. He climbs onto the bed and grapples your hips, thighs capturing yours. He curves your back and slips into your gummy walls anew. You grip him like a vice notwithstanding the complaints. You hate to say it, but Toji’s length bullying its way to your cervix is a poison you’d drink habitually. He snares your hair and holds the underside of your chin. “Hah- c’mon baby, you can take a little more”, he groans at a savage pace, “be a good girl.” Your ass ripples against the brawny man, hoarse voice in your ear, scrotum pummeling the overworked bundle of nerves. Your knuckles turn white on the sheets. All you should do is let him use you, that’s all you need to do, right?

Toji pans your head to the mirror, “Look how good you’re taking me, angel. You’re doing well.” His honeyed praises make you throb, attended by the bestial snap of his hips. “See that?”, he references your release slugging both legs, air heavy with sweat, “you’re such a f-fucking slut, what man could satisfy you besides me?” You sniffle and muster a pathetic babble, and he laughs. “You’re my perfect slut, though, fuck- ‘nd I’m not gonna make the same mistakes again.” There’s a tinge of regret swimming in the sea that is Toji’s confidence, and you feel it. It’s a subtle confession; please don’t go.

Then he stops. Toji lets go, and you’re impulsively manhandled in front of him while he’s behind you. He lays back, and in doing so, ferries your knees to the sides of your face and hooks his hands to the rear of your head. You’re unveiled in the reflection of the mirror, a panel that bounces back the thin sheen of sweat on your bodies, your disheveled hair and makeup, wrinkled sheets, and the sticky lacings attaching you to Toji. You want to shy from the humiliating sight. “Don’t hide your face” he coos. You glimpse a portion of his face in the mirror, a glint in his eye, “I like this view more.”

He bends his knees and pounds your chubby cunt with reckless abandon. He’s fucking your cervix, heedless grunts and panting groans as you swallow him up. Toji sputters, throbbing along your abused body and reverberating vicious staggering plap’s that could be heard on the lowest floor. You can’t breathe, let alone think, and the asphyxiation goes straight to your pussy. “O-oh fuck, heh, feel s’good. Gonna fill you up, yeah? Shit- have a mini me crawling around. Y-you'd like that, wouldn’t you, doll? Wanna carry my baby?” The headboard thuds against the wall, and in your fog, you call out for him, chanting his name like a mantra. The emotion is overwhelming, you claw at his bicep as shockwaves burst and fizzle out on your skin. “You’re dripping down my balls, sweetie, you close again?” Tougher, nastier strikes allure your orgasm, and you bleat a scream as a stream of liquid surges from you that drenches the sheets and Toji’s shaft. It’s a blinding white light, and you go limp through the violent spasms.

“Ohhh shit, that’s it baby, take everything I give you” he rasps. Toji shoulders your dead weight with ease, going silent, then plummeting you to the hilt. His balls tighten, and he manages some slushy pumps before he comes. He spurts thick, hot globs that paint and crowd your walls with greed. You milk him dry as he bucks. It overflows to trickling down his length, and his muscles quiver as he comes down from his high. His staggering pants reduce to hitching, and he relaxes your exhausted limbs.

Toji drives out and turns you around. You’re edging unconsciousness, sporadic jolts and innocent sobs carrying in your scratched throat. “I know. Breathe, baby.” He brings you flush with his chest, and you absorb his gentle puffs, the methodical beat of his heart. “You okay?” You’re unresponsive, gathering yourself in an incomplete collage of thoughts. You want to talk but it dissipates on your tongue. He rubs your back and kisses your forehead.

Then it’s muted; solely the dwindling rate at which your heart races, and the tender smooches Toji dots on your face as you cuddle. When you open your eyes, the sheets are changed, and you’re cleaned. Clearly some time has passed. You sit, and Toji comes out the bathroom, running water in the background. “How ya feelin’?”

You wince at the blunt thrum in your vulva, “Okay. How long was I out?”

“Like half an hour. Up for a bath?” You don’t have the energy to move your body. Toji scoops you bridal style and leads you to the bathroom. You found it amusing how considerate he was after wrecking your brain.

Toji spoons a generous quantity of Epson salt into the corner jet tub. He helps you in and joins once you’re stable. It’s a lavish proportion, but you decide to be next to him. Your head situates on your forearms over the tub rim while Toji sloshes water onto your back. The steam and serene jets below ship you to a luxury vacation on a tropical island, its quality comparable to spas with extensive dollar signs. You study each other.

“I’ll let you get whatever you need from your place.” You knit your brows, “For what?”

“You live with me.” You simper at his audacity.

“So, you’re the decision maker now?”

“For this, yes. Can’t risk you runnin’ off again.”

“It’s your fault I left.” He pauses, brushing your cheek with his thumb. “I know. I’m sorry.”

A piece of you becomes whole at his acknowledgement. There are no petty jabs to be had where lingering truths wade in the mist. “Never thought I’d hear an apology from you.”

“It’s overdue. I was a dick, and I should’ve never treated you like that. Was tryna sort out my shit, but I didn’t have to take it out on ya.”

The corner of your mouth quirks up. “Sorry...but not sorry enough to let me go?”

“No. You need nobody but me.”

You chortle, and he cracks a smirk. “Arrogant asshole.”

“I love you, too.”

#jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu toji #toji fushiguro #toji smut #toji x reader #jjk smut #jjk x reader #toji fushigro x reader #jjk

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wh0reforcoriolanussnow · 6 months

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“I’m a big fan” || Tom Blyth x singer!reader

GIFs by me :)

Summary: in which after Tom reveals that he is a big fan of you, especially after you’re a part of soundtrack of tbosas, you and Tom are caught being awfully close to each other a few weeks after.

Warnings: fem!reader

Wc: 643

A/n: Sorry I haven't uploaded a tom blyth x singer!reader fic in abit! I've got another one sitting in my drafts that I need to finish :)

Tom Blyth x singer!reader au masterlist

divider by @pommecita

“Tom and Hunter on…. Y/n Abrams’ Hunger Games single” “So good. It's so good,” Tom says immediately. Hunter squeals, throwing her hands up in the air.

"I love Y/n Abrams," Hunter fangirls, a huge smile plastered on her face. "Yeah, I'm a big fan of her honestly. I hope I get to meet her someday," Tom has never mentioned you on the internet before.

Truthfully, he has always been a fan of your music since you first released your first album and has stayed a loyal fan. He would be lying if he said he didn't have a crush on you, I mean who wouldn't, you are Y/n Abrams.

So when he saw your post on instagram announcing that you were going to be a part of tbosas soundtrack with 'Can't catch me now' Tom was absolutely fangirling

Of course you were familiar with Tom but the two of you have yet to meet. You remember seeing him on screen for the first time when your sister had Billy the Kid playing on your tv at home, and you were hooked.

You understood why the girlies were head over heels for Tom, he was crazy attractive, a gentleman, and an absolute sweetheart. When you saw the interview that mentioned him, you were dying to meet him as well.

Little did he know that you would be attending the LA premiere for the tbosas and would see him for sure. “Y/n, any one in particular your excited to see today?” A woman asks as she directs her mic at you.

“Uh- yeah actually, I’m excited to finally meet Tom!” You couldn’t help but feel the corners of your mouth rise. “Really? Well I interviewed just a couple moments ago and he said the same with you!” Your eyes slightly widen as your eyes look around.

“I think he’s over there,” The woman points to the other side as you thank her before making your way that way. You were whisked into another interview before you could go any further.

As you were talking, you felt a hand on your shoulder as you jump. “Shit-“ “Sorry-“ You turn your head and was pleasantly surprised seeing those pair of blue eyes stare straight back at you. "Tom!" Your smile widens as you grip his biceps, his hands politely gripping your waist.

"Y/n! Finally we meet!" He chuckles as you could feel the rumble coming from his chest. "It's so lovely to meet you," You pull him in for a hug, all the while the camera still focused on the two of you. All though the two of you just met, you felt so comfortable around him, and he felt the exact same way.

"I'm such a big fan, Y/n," He says against the side of your head, his hand rubbing your back before you pull back. "Oh stop, I'm such a big fan of you too, Tom!" You exclaim before you remember you were still mid interview. "Oh! I'm so sorry," You sheepishly smile at the girl who laughed.

"Sorry, It's my fault for interrupting you. I'll see you soon?" Tom butts in, his arm around your shoulder as he pulls you into his chest. It didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable the way the two of you interacted with each other, it was more natural and familiar.

"Yeah of course, I'll see you then," You look up at him, you nearly stopped breathing at how close he was to you. "Bye, darling," He bids you goodbye as you watch his tall figure leaving. "No way the two of you met just then," The young woman asked, shock evident in her tone.

A breathy laugh escapes your lips, "Yep, it feel's like I've known him my entire life!" "It looked like it!" The woman exclaims as the two of you laugh.

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puckbunnyera · 3 months

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Mean It | Jack Hughes

• ──────────────♡────────────── •

genre: slight angst (?), fluff

word count: 3.2k

warnings: cursing, suggestive jokes/innuendos at the end

notes: maybe it's because i'm still getting used to posting things for others to see/read because i've said this, or something similar, about everything i've posted so far, but i'm not 100% sure if i like this or hate it. anyways, here is a jack one that i've based (very) loosely off of a dream i had a few weeks ago.

• ──────────────♡────────────── •

I inhale deeply as I open my car door, exhaling once both of my feet are touching the driveway below me. Despite the warmth in the Michigan summer air, the slight breeze that blows by sends a shiver running down my spine as I look up at the beautiful house in front of me. A house that I was once so familiar with. A house that belongs to a family that I consider part of my own. While I've kept in touch with a majority of the family, I haven't stepped foot in this house in years. The summer I turned eighteen was a memorable one, though not in the way I would have liked. The two summers I spent here after were awkward and tense, so eventually, I stopped coming completely. Instead, choosing to avoid the family trips to Michigan every summer with any and every excuse I could come up with. Going to university out of state made it so much easier to make excuses for my absences. Just as my thoughts are beginning to wander, I'm interrupted by the sound of my mother's voice calling out to me.

"Y/N, hurry! We're already late." She calls from where she and my father stand at the top of the porch steps. "And don't forget the wine."

I retrieve the bottle of wine from the backseat, along with my purse, and quickly make my way to meet my parents where they now stand in front of the door. All it takes is two knocks and the door swings open revealing, the one and only, Ellen Hughes.

"Hello!" She greets excitedly, a bright smile on her face as she pulls my mother into a tight hug. "I'm so glad you could make it." She pulls my father into a short one after releasing my mother and then her attention shifts to me.

"Hi, Ellen." I smile shyly and give small wave.

"Hi, Sweet Girl." She steps forward and pulls me into her embrace. "I'm happy you decided to join us this year. We've really missed you." She whispers before stepping back and inviting us into the house.

As we make the short journey to the dining room, I take in what I can of my surroundings. To my surprise, everything still looks the same.

"Do you mind if I stop by the bathroom first?" I ask right before we step into the dining room.

"Of course not," Ellen replies. "Do you remember where it is?" I nod, passing the bottle of wine in my hand to my mother, then turning around to make my way to the bathroom.

• ───────────────────────────── •

"Speak of the devil." I hear my father's voice as I walk into the room, lifting my head to meet his gaze. Despite the nerves that have redeveloped, I disguise them with a playful remark.

"Talking about me?" I scoff, a teasing smile on my face. "That's not very nice, dad."

"All good things, of course." He chuckles.

The facade begins to slip when I finally take notice of my seat, the only empty chair left at the table, right next to Jack Hughes, my childhood best friend turned stranger. As our eyes lock, I'm reminded of the boy I fell in love with when I was fifteen, the same one who broke my heart when I was eighteen. Standing here in front of him now brings the one memory that I have tried so hard to forget rushing to the forefront of my mind.

"Jack, stop!" I squeal through my giggling as he splashes the lake water in my face for the millionth time.

"Take it back!" He shouts through his own laughter.

"Fine!" I yell. "I'm sorry for calling you a brainless idiot."

"And?"

"And for saying that Quinn is better at hockey than you."

"Now was that so hard?" He chuckles, reaching forward and pulling me into his arms, my back against his chest.

We stand quietly, watching the sun set across the lake as we try to catch our breaths. It had become sort of a tradition of ours to sneak off after dinner some nights and go for a swim in the lake. Tonight was just another one of those nights. As the water ripples around us and the sun lowers further below the horizon, I recount all of the past moments similar to the one now.

"I can't believe summer is already almost over." Jack sighs, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I know." I agree. "It's gone by way too fast, but hey! Look at the bright side. You'll be starting your first year in the NHL this fall. That's something exciting to look forward to."

"I guess." I feel him shrug. Turning around in his arms, I softly caress his face and force him to look at me.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." He shakes his head, frowning.

"It's not nothing." A frown now forming on my face. "You're upset. Why?"

"I'm nervous." He sighs. "Scared, even. What if I'm not good enough?"

"Don't say that." I stroke his cheeks softly with my thumbs. "You're THE Jack Hughes. You're good at everything." I joke, trying to lighten his mood.

"I'm serious." His frown deepens.

"I am too." It's now my turn to sigh. "If you weren't good enough, you wouldn't have been drafted. It's okay to be nervous and scared. I bet every NHL player, present and past, felt the same way you did when they first entered the league. You just have to go out there and show them what you've got. You'll do great. I know it."

"Thank you." He finally smiles.

"Of course." I return one to him.

"I'm gonna miss this." He pulls my hands off of his face and laces his fingers through mine. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too." I admit. "But we'll always have the summer, right? And maybe when I have breaks from college, I can fly out to Jersey to see you."

"I would like that." He nods.

We grow quiet again, taking in the stillness around us and falling into an impromptu staring contest. Something is the air begins to shift. I suddenly come to the realization that this boy right in front of me, isn't just a friend to me anymore. At least I don't want him to be. And when his lips suddenly crash down onto mine, I'm convinced that he feels the same. The thought, however, is short-lived because he is pulling away faster than he moved in.

"Fuck!" He backs away, removing every form of touch we previously had. "Shit! I didn't mean to do that."

"I-" I pause in an attempt to gather my bearings. "Jack, it's okay."

"No." He shakes his head. "It's not okay."

"You're overreacting."

"J-just forget it happened." He huffs, turning his back to me and heading out of the water. "It was a mistake."

"A mistake?" I scoff, following him back onto land. "If it was such a mistake, why did you do it?"

"I don't know." He shouts, the loudness of his voice taking me back a bit. "Just leave it alone, okay? It didn't mean anything. Just a heat of the moment kinda thing." His words feel like a punch to the gut. An ache forming in my chest.

"Right." I respond sarcastically as tears begin to well in my eyes. Without another word, I grab my towel and start my way back up to the house.

"Y/N" Jack reaches, grabbing my arm gently.

"Don't touch me." I yank my arm out of his grasp and continue walking away.

The sound of a throat clearing interrupts my thoughts and I suddenly remember where I am. With a blush forming on my cheeks, I quickly greet everyone before taking my seat.

"Hi." Jack whispers his greeting, while everyone else is caught up in conversation.

"Hi." I whisper back then quickly divert my attention elsewhere.

Once I settle in, Ellen starts to pass around the food. As dinner officially begins, I silently pray that the tension between me and the man to my left isn't as noticeable as it feels.

"So, Y/N?" Jim starts. "How have you been? We've missed you these past few summers."

"Few?" Quinn butts in, a teasing tone evident in his voice. "It's been like ten."

"It's been, like, two." I roll my eyes with a small smile pulling at my lips.

"That's what I said." He smirks. I ignore him this time and turn my attention back to his father.

"To answer your question, Jim, I've been doing well. And I've missed you guys too. I took a lot of internships during the summer and winter breaks between semesters, so I wasn't able to come visit with my parents."

"We hoped you would fly out with your parents last summer after your mom told us you had graduated that May, but she said you couldn't make it." Ellen speaks.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here." I apologize, catching the sad undertone of her words. "My mom asked me to join, and I would have, but I had already booked a graduation trip to France with some friends that I graduated with. My flight was set to leave three days before they would leave to come here."

"How was that trip by the way?" Luke asks. "Quinn told me you had gone and showed me some of the pictures you took while you were there."

"It was amazing!" I exclaim. "I definitely want to go back. Hopefully sometime soon. The coastal towns, like Nice and Cassis, were by far my favorite."

A genuine smile forms on my face as I continue to recount different moments of my trip. I had forgotten how much I loved spending time with this amazing family. Regret simmers in the pit of my stomach. As conversation flows easily around the table, now bouncing from topic to topic, I am consciously aware of the glances coming from next to me.

Dinner wraps up nicely and we are soon heading our own ways. My father grabs our luggage from the car before he and my mother make their way upstairs to the only spare bedroom left in the house. I grab my things and head to the furnished basement, which will be my makeshift bedroom for the summer.

• ───────────────────────────── •

The house is silent as I slide the back door open as quietly as possible. I'm making my way down the steps when a male voice startles me.

"Couldn't sleep?" Jack questions from where he sits in a chair to the right of the door, hidden by the shadows of the house.

"You scared me." I reply, my hand resting over where my racing heart resides in my chest.

"Sorry." He apologizes, rising from his seat and coming to stand above me on the top step. "Where are you headed?"

"I was gonna go down to the lake for a swim."

"Oh," He responds awkwardly. "Can I join you?"

I bite my lip nervously, not sure how to answer him. Going into this trip, I planned to avoid him as much as possible, yet here we are. Alone. After a moment, I finally find the courage to respond.

"Sure." I reply shortly, turning to head towards the lake, not checking to see if he is following.

Once I reach the edge of the water, I throw my towel down on a large rock and remove the shirt and shorts I had put on over my swimsuit.

The water is cold upon the first touch, but I embrace the difference in temperature against my warm skin as I wade out farther into the water. When I reach a depth that I can stand comfortably in, I stop and listen to the sounds around me.

I can hear Jack's every move as he steps into the water and makes his way towards me. He stops as he reaches my side, our shoulders inches apart.

"Y/N." He speaks softly, voice almost a whisper.

"Jack."

"I-" He starts. He seems to hesitate before opening his mouth to speak again. "I'm sorry." My heart squeezes in my chest.

"For what?" I pretend to be clueless as to what he means.

"You know what?"

"It doesn't matter anymore." I sigh, realizing that playing dumb won't work. "I'm over it."

"You're not." He argues. "You like to pretend you are but I know you better than that. We were best friends, remember?" His use of the past tense causes another surge of pain to hit me right in my chest. But he's right. We were best friends. That's the only reason why I tried to maintain contact for the first couple of years after that summer. Eventually, things just fell off and we stopped speaking altogether.

"Really, Jack, I'm over it." I turn to face him. "We were stupid kids caught up in a moment of high emotions and vulnerability. It was nothing."

"But it wasn't nothing." His voice seems strained as he utters the words. "I know, back then, I said it didn't mean anything, but I lied. It did mean something. It meant everything."

His confession leaves me stunned. I'm truly at a loss for words.

"W-what?" Confusion laces my words.

"I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I was in love with you."

"Jack," I shake my head, tears welling in my eyes. "You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do." He replies firmly. "And even though we haven't spoken in almost three years, I am still in love with you." Those are the final words it takes to break the dam in my eyes, tears now rolling down my cheeks in steady streams.

"I've been in love with you since I was fifteen, Jack." I confess. "I held back and hid my feelings because I was terrified. I didn't think you felt the same so I kept them to myself in fear that I would mess things up if they got out. That summer, when you kissed me, I felt so happy and relieved because I truly thought you reciprocated them. But when you pulled away and told me that it was a mistake. That it meant nothing to you. It felt like you physically ripped my heart out of my chest."

"I'm sorry." He steps closer, one of his arms wrapping around my waist while his other hand reaches up to caress my cheek. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"I wish things could have been different." I whisper as his thumb softly brushes my tears away.

"Me too." He whispers back.

I sniffle as my tears begin to slow, leaning in to rest my head against his chest and wrapping my arms around his body in a tight embrace. His hand that was on my cheek moves to stroke through my hair. We stand in each other arms for the first time since that summer. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be held by him.

"Can we try again?" He asks, pulling me back to look into my eyes. "Use this summer to fix things. I know we can't take everything back or get back the lost time, but I don't want to leave this summer without fixing what I can."

"I would love that." I nod. His soft smile causes me to return one of my own. I stand for a while, just looking at his face. Taking in all the changes and trying to refamiliarize myself with his features. Tension settles in upon us, but it's not the same awkward tension as before. It's different this time.

"Feel free to tell me no if it's too soon," He prefaces, before continuing to speak. "But, can I kiss you? You know, like a redo."

"Only if you mean it."

His response is a searing kiss that leaves me breathless in the best way possible. Our lips mold together so easily as if they were meant only for each other. We kiss for a little longer until the smile that forms on my face forces us to part.

"What?" He pulls away, forehead resting against my own.

"This feels like a cliche moment from those romcoms I used to force you to watch with me." I giggle.

"It kind of does, doesn't it?" He chuckles. "But I don't mind."

"Good," I nod, nudging his nose gently with mine. "Because I don't either."

"We should head back in." He steps out of my arms but intertwines a hand with mine. "It's late."

I agree before we head back to the shore to grab our things. The walk back to the house is quiet but comfortable. Smiles remaining on our faces the whole time. Trying to sneak back into the house without disturbing anyone is almost impossible. Jack's arm wraps around my waist as he attacks my neck and shoulder with playful kisses, causing quiet giggles to leave my mouth. And just when I think we've made it in successfully, the kitchen light turns on and we come face-to-face with Quinn and Luke.

"And where were you two?" He asks, the tone of his voice firm as he stands with his arms folded across his chest.

"Uh, we just went for a swim." Jack replies, dropping his arm from around my waist.

"I'm just fucking with you." Quinn chuckles. "I'm glad to see you both back on better terms."

"Me too." Luke nods with a smile.

"Thanks." I smile at the two.

"But," Quinn's voice grows serious again. "You better keep the PDA to a minimum."

"Or what?" Jack counters.

"Or I'll tell our parents about the time you two snuck out when you were sixteen and crashed the golf cart through the neighbor's fence and destroyed their garden."

"That was them?" Luke questions, shock evident in his voice and on his face. Quinn rolls his eyes at the youngest brother's cluelessness.

"You wouldn't." I glare at him as menacingly as I can muster.

"Try me." He glares back.

"Fine." Jack sighs, grabbing my hand to pull me behind him as he exits the kitchen. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I speak to them over my shoulder.

"Goodnight." They reply, shutting off the light and heading up the stairs.

Jack walks me down to the basement where he pulls me into his chest once again.

"You know you can come stay with me in my room instead of staying down here on this shitty air mattress."

"Tempting." I smile, rising onto the tips of my toes to place a quick peck on his lips.

"Come on." He pouts. "We used to have sleepovers all the time."

"Yeah, when we were kids." I point out. "We're adults now."

"Exactly." He states, his voice taking on a duh tone. "Which means we are allowed to do whatever we want. If we want to share a bed, we can share a bed. There is nothing wrong with that."

"It won't be weird?" I ask.

"Not unless you make it weird." I hesitate momentarily before finally agreeing.

"Fine." I nod. "But the second your hands travel lower than my waist, I'm kicking you out of the bed and your sleeping on the floor."

"So what I'm hearing is that the boobs are free rein." He smirks.

"Jack!" I gasp, pushing him away.

"What?" He shrugs. I roll my eyes at him as I gather up a pair of clean clothes and head for the stairs.

"Hurry up, Hughes." I speak back to him as I climb the steps. "I'm tired and we both still need to shower. If you're quick enough, I might let you join me."

"Yes ma'am." He replies, a goofy smile on his face as he bounds up the stairs behind me.

#jack hughes #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes x reader #new jersey devils #jh86 #jack hughes fluff #jack hughes fic #nj devils #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction

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hi18364 · 4 months

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Mama mom and auntie Caitlin

My mom has been acting weird; they have been fighting a lot. Mom has been staying with Auntie Shebahn for the past 2 days, and Auntie Caitlin has been over a lot.

I have asked Mama what has happened, but she won't tell me. I'm not Ruesha and Katie's biological daughter. I was at the Arsenal U10s program, and Katie had an interest in me because I was apparently a good player. I was put up for adoption when I was 3 days old, but the adoption never went through, and I was placed in foster care.

I'm now 17, and I play on the Arsenal senior team. I play as a striker and defender. I'm currently sitting on a chair. I knew what my mama wanted to tell me, but I didn't want it to be true. I was snapped out of my thoughts by Mama talking, "y/n, I need to tell you something because you need to know... me and Ru." I know what's about to come out of her mouth.

It was like slow motion: "We have decided to break up, "I just staired at her, "Did you cheat on her with Caitlin?" A look of guilt goes over her face. " "I-" . I get up and walk out of the room. A few of the girls were standing there. Caitlin was one of them. She reaches out to stop me from going. The rest of the girls look confused. "Get the fuck off me. Why the fuck did you do it?" I get out of her grip and go to the car. and drive off. I drive to the London City Lionesses trying ground, and I park. I can see everyone on the pitch; they are in practice. I sit for 10 minutes, then get out and go in. They know me because I've been there before.

I knock on the door to see if anyone is in there. When I don't get an answer, I go out to the pitch, and the boss sees me. I stand off to the side. She comes and stands next to me. She looks at me with sad eyes, telling me she knows why I'm hearing "Hey, sorry, I don't know why, to be honest."

"It's all good. I guess you know now."

I look at the players on the pitch and say, "What I'm meant to do, I can't look at them without feeling betrayed; she was my aunt.".

Time skip: 3 weeks later

Not a lot has happened except the fact that I've stopped talking to everyone. I'm now staying with Viv Beth and sometimes mom, but mostly Viv and Beth. I don't want to be at Arsenal anymore, so I've decided to have a meeting with the managers and other people to see what I can do to get out of here, even if that means I have to go to the USA. If I want to get out of here, I need to.

It's like I'm suffocating while staying here.

After the meeting (I can't be bothered to write it),

So that was eventful for the first part of the meeting. They did want to let me go, but in the end, after I said I would quit football, they decided to lone me out to Gotham; it's a team in the USA.

I don't really want to leave mom, and to be honest, I don't really want to leave mama, but I need a new start and a fresh slate. I want to go and be able to breathe. Maybe mom will follow me to the USA. I don't think Mama would, and to be honest, I haven't talked to Mama. I'm still angry at her, but she's still my Mama, and I still love her.

It's been three weeks since we made the deal with Gotham. I have yet to tell anyone I need to tell them because in two days it's the end of the season. Then it's the World Cup, so I need to tell them today, but I don't know how to tell them.

I'm sitting on the pitch, and a bunch of the girls next to me are all talking about the next game. the World Cup and the new signings that will happen Leah was talking about people transferring, and everybody was saying who they thought would go where.

I say in a hushed tone, "I'm going to Gotham." I guess it wasn't quite, and Beth said loudly, "You're moving to Gotham!"

————————————————————————————

There is a part two but I’ve not finished it it’s not my best work but I’ve got a few more from another app that I think I might post here the alexia one will be out when I write it which will probably be soon

#women’s football #women’s soccer #women’s super league #beth mead #vivianne miedema #viv miedema #barclays wsl #woso x reader #woso community #wwc 2023 #woso one shot #katie mccabe #ruesha littlejohn #caitlin foord

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adventuringblind · 8 months

Note

I didn't know if you take requests but I have been thinking about this for a while. You are Scotty James younger sister and you meet Daniel while they are hanging out and you both like eachother and him and Chloe set you up. At first Scotty didn't agree but Chloe showed him that both of them are actually in love. I'm kinda seeing this with something with age gap, about 8 years (sorry if the grammar is not right, English is not my first language and I'm very tired because of school and stuff)

Atermoiememts

Genre: Fluff, Spice

Summary: Daniel is pining after his best friends younger sister. Drunken confessions lead to a black eye.

Warnings: drinking, sexual innuendo, and references, alluded to smut, Scotty throws hands

Notes: Sorry I haven't posted in a few days! I've been working on my master list, and I've had work and school to attend to. I can't believe I posted first daily since mid-July, and now I've finally slowed down. I'm so sorry for requests taking longer!!

Masterlist

Scotty James. Professional Snowboarder and protective older brother. Well, protective isn't the word he would use. Maybe loving? A wall between his sister and men who have poor intentions?

Chloe loves his sister. She is great friends with Lance. She gets along great with Daniel, his best friend, maybe better then he would like at times, but it's whatever.

She's the one who drags Scotty to more then half of the F1 races. Given he has time. She's obsessed.

Yet, Scotty can't help but think it's because of somebody specific on the grid. He's yet to figure out who. Max? Charles? She gets along with them well enough.

She spends to much time clinging to Daniel that it is probably scaring away the boys she actually likes! Not that Daniel is intimidating or anything. The guys smile is infectious. But it probably doesn't help her at all with getting the attention of the drivers her age.

~~~~~

Y/N James. Professional F1 enthusiasts. Sister to Scotty James. Annoying younger siblings to him but shy to everybody else.

She would like to add girlfriend of Daniel Ricciardo in there somewhere, but the backlash from her brother keeps her from saying anything. Plus, she's probably to young for him. A nine year age gap maybe isn't his thing. But he could help her out a but and stop flirting with her.

She knows it's teasing. It's sarcastic like with all of his friends. It's not like she's special or anything.

Her reason for wallowing in her thoughts? Chloe had just made her a third drink. The two are sitting on the couch in her and Scotty’s hotel room post qualifying. Daniel had a good session, so him and Scotty are out having mocktails.

"I see the way you look at him." Chloe wiggles her eyebrows suggestivley. Her legs are crossed on the sofa and she continues to take small sips of whatever she's drinking.

"And how would that be?"

"Like you love him."

The younger James eyes her suspiciously. How could have possibly outed her by just watching? Is she really that obvious?

"So what if I do? Not like anything is gonna happen." She shrugs.

"But he likes you too? I see it. His flirting is different with you."

"What? That fact he can and will describe in detail what he would do to me?"

"Don't lie!" Chloe shouts and playfully hits the younger on the shoulder. "You totally like it."

She can feel her face heating up but the alcohol has made her filter disappear.

"He really could do whatever to me. I'd let him."

"What if he wants you to call him daddy?" Chloe starts cracking up laughing.

"... I would."

~~~~~

Daniel Ricciardo. Formula 1 driver. Lover of Texas. The honey badger himself. Cannot for the life of him fix this stupid crush on Scotty’s younger sister.

He personally doesn't care about what the media has to say. But he does care about her and the backlash she would get. He'd hate to see her hurt just because he couldn't keep his feelings to himself.

And it really doesn't help that Chloe has been trying to get them together for weeks now. Months even. It's driving him insane. How is he supposed to keep up his playful flirting at this rate?

She's been shoving them onto awkward scenarios and leaving them alone together (much to Scotty’s dismay). Scotty picked up on something after the fifth encounter like that.

"Do you even like her like that?" He'd said while that ate dinner. It was just the two of them and Chloe.

"He definitely does!"

"I really don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Chloe, my sister would be into guys her age."

"And if her and Daniel did get together?"

"Then I owe you a date for being right and I'd punch Daniel."

The conversation left Daniel feeling both relieved and terrified. Scotty had made a valuable point, though. She's around the same age as Max and Charles. Two good-looking and kind men who he trusts. It wouldn't shock him if she went after one of them instead.

But if that's the case, why has she spent the entire night dancing with him? The music is blaring, and their cheeks are pink from the alcohol. Yet the feeling of her hips up against hasn't left since they got here.

His impulse control is lacking, and he doesn't know he's doing it until after. Doesn't know what he's implied or how she'll respond.

"Do you wanna get out of here?"

He mentally slaps himself for asking such a thing, but it's too late now. He can't take it back.

"That sounds nice."

And oh, how he melts. Her smile is his everything. Though with her reply, his is definitely bigger.

Daniel drags her back to his hotel room. Is a flurry of pent of emotions. Hands and lips explore to the point where their driver is probably annoyed.

In the hotel room isn't any better and they are both definitely under the influence.

"Maybe we shouldn't-"

"When was your last drink?"

Daniel thinks back. Already straddled over the top "two hours ago I think?"

"Same, i stopped when you did. So please don't think to hard about this. If I only get to do this once then I want to enjoy every damn second of it."

Something between love, adoration, and confusion passes through him. "What do you mean by that?"

"This is a one night stand, no?"

"It doesn't have to be."

"Not sure my brother would like me having a friends with benefits type of deal with his best friend." Her eyebrow quirks up in the lamplight.

"Fuck that's - that's not what I mean." Curse his lack of filter for heat he's about to say. "I love you. I have for so long but I didn't want to say anything."

She freezes, likely due to the shock of the statement. "I love you too, also for awhile now."

Yeah - every ounce of restraint he had before is gone. Clothes are shed in record time. He doesn't hold not one damj thing back.

"Let me show you how much I adore you."

~~~~~

To say Scotty is staring at Chloe is an understatement. He's glaring at her. "I've been played."

"Do you wanna go punch him now?"

It's eight in the morning and Scotty is throwing off the covers and marching to the door of their room. Sharing a wall with Daniel definitely wasn't the best idea.

He knocks aggressively. "Daniel! Open up!"

There's a bit of shuffling then the door swings open to reveal a sleepy eyed Australian. His eyes get wide when he realizes who it is.

"Look Daniel, I know you'll take good care of her. You're a good friend and a better boyfriend. But I swear to you if you ever hurt her I will not hesitate to knock your teeth out."

Daniel's shoulders sag in relief. His body relaxs. His sister standing in the entry way also does.

Then scotty swings.

But hey! If one black eye is all it takes to convince Scotty not to stalk Daniel's every step to protect his sister, then he'll take it.

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dorabledewdroop · 4 months

Text

The White Healer Chapter 4

Note: Hi guys, I'm really sorry for not posting sooner. I've had a couple of family problems and haven't exactly been in the best headspace. I'll work on posting more frequently. I hope you like this chapter, it's longer than other's cause there's so much I wanted to put out there.

Warnings: Blood, graphic description of injuries, angst.

Summary: Just a chapter where everyone gets to know reader better.

Series Masterlist

X--X--X--X--X

As it turns out, the team building activity that you were dreading turned out to be Jenga. While unsure how it built team character, it did work on making your more comfortable with the rest of the team. Due to you still being new to the team, you had requested a month to work out by yourself so that you could get back into shape. As horrible as the scientists had been, they did teach you an efficient way to get into peak performance. Working out from 12am till 5am everyday was good enough. Within the third week, you had already noticed the definition of your muscles, you’d put on pure muscle mass, and your stamina plus healing ability enabled you to sprint approximately 20 miles without stopping. It was going well until one day, you were working on the punching bag and were so focused that you lost track of time. It was 7 am when Natasha and Steve returned from their daily run and saw you workout. You hadn’t noticed them due to the music playing out loud. Natasha, however, saw you and immediately ran towards you. You were brought out of your headspace when you saw Natasha grab your arms, unshed tears forming as she stared at your hands. Steve stepped closer and was horrified to find the ground and punching bag covered in blood. Upon closer inspection, he found your hands caked in blood too. You looked at them confused.

“What?” You asked concerned, completely unaware of why they looked white as a sheet.

Natasha and Steve looked at you with wide eyes.

“Why are you covered in blood y/n?” Natasha asked, letting go of your arms now that you’d stopped punching the bag and brought them to her sides.

You looked even more confused.

“I was going to clean it up when I was done?” You said uncertainly.

“Is this… common for you?” Steve asked slowly.

You hesitated for a moment. Natasha seeing your clear discomfort of being caught off guard came up with an idea.

“How about this, y/n cleans up the gym and herself and then the 3 of us can sit together and figure out a.. neater way of you working out?” She suggested.

Before you could say anything, Steve agreed and the two of them walked out. Grumbling you started to clean.

The first thing you noticed was Natasha staring at your hands as you sat down. You leaned towards her and put your hand on her cheek. You didn’t fail to notice the way she almost leaned into your hand.

“I’m completely fine, Nat” You reassured her.

She looked at you with a vulnerability that took your breath away. It was at that moment that Wanda entered the kitchen. She paused as she noticed the two of you, you started to lean back but froze when Nat grabbed your hand and brought it back to her cheek.

“Please” she said, “I need to know you’re okay.. there was so much blood..”

Wanda frowned. Whether she was upset or confused, you weren’t entirely sure. She walked towards the two of you and sat down next to Natasha. Natasha didn’t break eye contact even when Wanda gently rubbed her lower back. You brought your other hand to Natasha’s face and leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead. This seemed to reassure her greatly as her shoulders relaxed.

“I promise you, I’m completely okay” You said softly.

Your eyes darted to Wanda for a second, expecting protectiveness or anger but all you were met with was a warm look of concern that melted your heart.

“I’ll explain everything” you thought loudly.

Wanda nodded her head, indicating she’d heard you. While you’d given her explicit permission to read your thoughts at any given time, she was still hesitant to do so. The three of you stayed like that for a few more minutes until you heard someone’s footsteps nearing. You could physically see Natasha’s walls coming back up, Wanda too. You sat back in your chair but held Natasha’s hand underneath the table. She gently squeezed in gratitude, her face showing nothing. Steve entered the kitchen and faltered when he saw the three of you sitting in silence looking at him with the exact same expression. Clearing his throat, Steve sat down next to you on the opposite side of Natasha. He looked at you expectantly. If he was confused by why Wanda was here, he didn’t show it.

“I was wondering if you could tell us a little bit about what happened in the training room?” Steve asked gently.

You took a deep breath and began.

“Okay so, shortly after I.. um.. got my power.. I went to the hospital in a different country and immediately began to heal patients with chronic and terminal illnesses. Cancer, ALS, Alzheimers, and so on. Unfortunately that gained the wrong kind of attention. The government had kidnapped me and taken me straight to a remote facility. They um.. tested the limits of my self healing. They’d break bones, cut off limbs, electrocute, and do a bunch of other things.”

You were unable to meet anyones eye-line, your body remembering each and every single thing they’d done. It was another side effect of the power you gained. While most people tended to forget the physical pain their body experienced over time, your body learned and remembered every single feeling it went through. Every cut, tear, burn. You could feel it all the moment you tried to remember it. Your body won’t ever lot you forget. Wanda had heard your thoughts and had to use everything in her power not to start bawling the moment those images came to your mind. Her grip on Natasha’s lower back tightened, she relayed what she’d heard to Natasha in her mind and felt Natasha’s body stiffen as she registered what happened.

You looked up as Natasha’s grip on your hand tightened, only to see the two women barely holding it together. Realising what transpired, you let out a weak smile and continued.

“Once they realised there was no limit to my regenerative capabilities, they attempted to train me for combat. They’d get fighters to take turns beating me into submission for hours on end until I learned to defend myself. I um.. I’m not good at combat.. So they tried to train me for um.. you know what, never mind. Basically they taught me to train past my body’s limits by constantly healing myself. They did it for years on end until it was ingrained into me. So yeah.. That’s why you saw what you saw..” You concluded.

“I’m so sorry, detka” Wanda whispered in your head.

“It’s alright, it’s in the past” you replied

“I can help train you in combat.” Steve said. “You could become a vital part of the attack te-“

Natasha scoffed, bringing his attention to her. He leaned back startled as he saw Natasha glaring at him and Wanda’s furious eyes glowing red. Both of them had the urge to throw him through the nearest window. You merely stared at him in shock. Tears made their way down your face. You withdrew your hand from Natasha’s and stood up.

“I’m sorry I need to go” you muttered, and hurried out of the room.

“Y/n” Wanda called out but it was too late, you were out of earshot. Natasha continued to glare at Steve.

“You ever suggest that again that again and I’ll test just how strong your healing factor is.” Natasha spat, standing up abruptly.

“I just meant-“ Steve tried to defend.

“We don’t care.” Wanda stated firmly. “She just told you what she went through and you thought of weaponising her just like those assholes.”

“Langua-“

“Don’t” Natasha warned.

She walked away before Steve could plead his case. Wanda glared at him one last time before following her out.

“FRIDAY” Natasha called out. “Where is y/n right now?”

“I believe Miss Y/n is one the roof.” FRIDAY stated

Holding hands, Natasha and Wanda made their way to the roof. Natasha reflected back to how she felt when she saw y/n work out and their interaction in the kitchen. She felt a little scared. The red room had trained her to always be in control, regardless of whether it was in bed or any interaction with others. Sure, she pretended to be submissive in front of her targets, but she was just toying with them. Even with Wanda, she was in control. But y/n.. that girl was something else.. For the first time in Natasha’s life, she wanted to give up control. She felt so safe and comfortable giving up control in y/n’s presence. It scared her but also excited her.

Since the sun had already started to set, the cold had set in. Being Russian and Sokovian, the cold didn’t bother them that much. The were, however, concerned about y/n. She wasn’t from a cold country. Natasha was glad to see that Wanda had brought a blanket without any prompt. When you didn’t acknowledge their presence, they slowly sat down on either side of you. Wanda draped the blanket over the three of you. While she didn’t say it out loud, she secretly enjoyed the feeling of the three of you cuddled together. She knew Natasha definitely felt the same, she just hoped you did too. The girls simultaneously rested their head on your shoulder, both surprised to feel muscle instead of bone. The rigorous workout must be effective.

“I have a request” Natasha started.

You hummed in question.

“From now on, could you please train with either me or Wanda? We won’t train combat, We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with. Just, please don’t push us away.” She said.

Your head turned to her, only to notice the lack of space between your faces. Your eyes flitted down to her gorgeous lips and back. Natasha’s heart stuttered at the action, waiting for your next move. You looked away into the distance and nodded.

“There’s something you should know.” You confessed. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth downstairs.”

When you were met with silence, you continued.

“After they realised no matter what torture they used, I would refuse to fight and hurt others. They tried to train me to do suicide missions.. I.. they would strap bombs to my chest and blow me up as I walked to targeted spots as training.”

Both of the girls held your hands as tears made their way down your face.

“It hurt so much” you croaked. “The feeling of my body being torn apart and nerves slowly growing.”

Unable to take anymore, you let out a sob. Immediately Wanda enveloped you in a hug, Natasha doing the same until you were sandwiched between them.

“No one is going to test on us” Wanda whispered. “Not anymore.”

You continued to sob into her shoulder as they whispered words of comfort in your ear. Eventually, you found yourself laying down between the two women. The warmth their bodies provided and the exhaustion of your mind caused you to fall into a deep sleep. For some reason it was the best sleep you’d ever had.

The dynamic between the three of you had completely changed after that night. They were definitely your best friends. No matter how much you wished they could be more, but they were together. They didn’t need you in their relationship, you’d just hold them back. You didn’t let that bother you, no matter how guilty you felt at times during movie night when the two insisted you sit besides them. A week later Steve came up to you as you were eating breakfast.

“I’m really sorry y/n. It was incredibly insensitive of me to suggest what I did that night” he said. Natasha was reading on the sofa, but you could see her eyes on Steve, intently listening to what he was saying.

“It was never my intention to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. You absolutely do not have to train combat if you don’t want to. We all value you as a team member just the same.”

You slowly nodded your thanks. While you appreciated his apology, you were more nervous about your first workout session with Wanda and Natasha. They said they both wanted to be there for your first time as a group workout.

You entered the gym and noticed that the two women had already started working out, Wanda doing squats while Natasha was stretching. Your jaw dropped as you witnessed the two working out in their sports bra and tights. Natasha’s toned abs on display as she did the cobra pose. Your eyes shifted to Wanda and your knees felt weak. You saw sweat make its way down her neck and get lost into her cleavage. Feeling like a pervert for staring you cleared your throat and mentally cursed yourself. Both of them paused what they were doing and started walking towards you. Wanda grinned in excitement while Natasha smiled welcomingly.

“Alright y/n. Why don’t you tell us what your workout looks like and we’ll figure out a safer way to get the same results? Maybe Wanda and I can help spot you too.” Natasha asked.

“Oh cool. Okay, so basically, I run for a little bit. Then I do some strength training, followed by some bag work” you replied, already starting to stretch.

“Perfect, we can join you in running, I was planning on doing legs today, maybe we can workout together?” Wanda suggested. You nodded in agreement and the three of you walked to the treadmills.

“What speed are we running at?” Natasha asked off handedly.

Without thinking “We’ll start with 20 kmph and go from there?” You said, increasing the speed and began running.

Wanda froze. Refusing to back down, she started the treadmill and began running at full speed. 5 minutes later Wanda was panting, slowing the treadmill down and looking at the other two in amazement. She noticed Natasha wasn’t doing to great either. Around 10 minutes later Natasha slowed down, unable to maintain the pace. Natasha’s face burned as she realised you had unintentionally outlasted both her and Wanda. She spared a glance at Wanda and that little shit had the audacity to smirk. Natasha looked to her right to see you and to her amazement, you were in a full out sprint. Natasha’s jaw dropped to see that you had been running at 35kmph all this while. An hour later, neither of them had the energy to continue running and got off the treadmill. Both of them stunned at the fact that you hadn’t changed your pace for a single second in the past hour. Wanda cleared her throat, brining you out of your focus. You slowed down and stopped, hopping off the treadmill and walking towards them. While you were breathing heavily, you looked nowhere near as exhausted as the other two felt. You smiled at them brightly.

“Time for some strength training?” You asked genuinely.

Wanda glared at you as she sat on a bench, gulping some water. You noticed their exhausted state and knelt towards Wanda.

“Can I help” you asked gently.

Tilting her head in confusion, she nodded. You slowly grabbed both hands and closed your eyed. Wanda gasped as she felt a warmth envelope her. Her soreness exhaustion dissipate and energy enter her entire body. When you let go, Wanda stood up and twisted a couple of times. She felt better than ever before. Not a hint of exhaustion throughout her body. Natasha watched in amazement at the change in her girlfriend, even her slight dark circles had disappeared.

“Is this how you feel all the time?” Wanda asked in awe.

You chuckled. “Not exactly” you replied.

Before Wanda could inquire further, you turned to Natasha and asked for permission. She nodded, blushing slightly when you took her hand. Natasha, too, gasped when she felt warmth take over. Her muscles relaxing. Even the ache she’d been feeling in her knee vanished. She almost whined when you stepped back, the warm feeling throughout her body slowly dissipating. You hadn’t realised what happened but Wanda did. Natasha saw Wanda give her a smug smile.

You were about to walk to the free weight section when Natasha asked if the group could use the squat rack instead. Shrugging, you made your way to them. Unfortunately, your oversized sweatshirt kept on getting stuck to the squat rack. Sighing, you removed your sweatshirt. Leaving you in a full sleeved compression t-shirt and loose sweatpants. Wanda and Natasha completely froze as they saw you.

“Holy shit” Natasha thought.

“I agree” Wanda replied in her mind.

Your bulging muscles were on display, your muscular arms stretching the compression t-shirt. Natasha totally wasn’t staring at your abs and Wanda was definitely not staring at your arms. You paused, smirking when you noticed why the two were silent. You walked towards Natasha, lifted your finger to close her jaw. Her face flushed at the action.

“You’ll let flies in if you keep doing that” You teased with a smirk.

Wanda shamelessly stared at your sculpted back, looking away only when you started walking back to the squat rack.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you drooling, Wands” you stated, starting to workout.

It was Wanda’s turn to blush and Natasha to smirk. The rest of the workout went surprisingly well, neither of them commented on how heavy you were lifting for all of the exercises. At first, Natasha thought you were showing off for them but quickly quelled the thought as that was definitely not the kind of person you were. It was one of the things she lo- liked about you.

Post workout everyone went to their respective rooms and got ready for dinner. The training session ended up taking 4 hours.

As usual, you were a little late. Everyone was already sitting down, ready to eat. Wanda insisted to wait for you, to which they reluctantly agreed. You entered the room and your heart warmed as you saw Natasha and Wanda had saved a seat for you between the two of them. As you were about to sit down, your eyes fell on the robot sitting at the table. You froze when you saw what was on his forehead. A gasp left your lips, bringing everyone’s eyes to you. Wanda stood quickly, walking to you. Alarm bells ringing in her head as she felt shock, anger, and most of all grief rolling off you in waves. Thor, not picking up on your mood merely introduced you.

“The Vision, this is lady y/n. She’s the newest addition to our team. Lady Y/n, this is the vision. A synthezoid creat-“

“Thor shut up for a second” Nat interrupted. “Detka, what’s wrong?” She asked you.

You raised a trembling finger towards Vision.

“Why do you have that fucking stone” You gritted out.

“I am unaware of what you mean” Vision said, confused.

“That stone.” You seethed. “Killed my sister.”

X--X--X--X--X

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment and tell me your thoughts!

Taglist: @marvelwomen-simp @nothanksbye07 @jono723 @luadyjcmd @alexawynters

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #marvel #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff smut #mcu #wandanat x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda x reader #natasha romanoff smut #wandanat smut #the white healer #Natasha x reader

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fuwaprince · 6 months

Text

👉👈 Hi friends! I have a long, serious post made just for you(!) that isn't full of spoilers, smut or mooning lawn gnomes. Please read if you can, this is a 💥 mutual aid request 💥

It has been a horribly painful and long while as most people following/keeping up with me know. and in a few days I'm going to be down $1500, which is basically all my fucking $

I can't afford Christmas for anybody, which sucks and I'm very sorry. I can't even take care of myself and haven't been, which also sucks and I'm very sorry

Landlords spontaneously raised rent on me more than halfway through this month as punishment for not getting to my house chores and not communicating, to be totally honest with you. I feel ashamed and awful about it but I didn't want to clean the place while multiple ppl living here had tested positive for COVID and kept walking around unmasked... I am not fully vaxxed because I've been too depressed to get any kind of necessary medical care done and I didn't want to catch COVID in the middle of my finals week for the semester. I woke up to being angrily and rudely bitched at first thing after the last of my finals (I passed at least). It wasn't a humanizing text. Fuck the mistreatment though. Rent is now almost doubled and it won't be lowered

There was no room for negotiation and I truly believe they've resorted to pricing me out of living here because the group of renters psychologically tormenting me wasn't effective (actually- putting a picture of my rapist on the fridge rly was super effective in getting me to isolate myself in my room all day and so was outing me as trans to the transphobic ass neighbors.... But I didn't and still don't have any place better to move out to, like the way they were hoping I would. Yes, I have looked and BEGGED btw)

I want out of here NOW, but I can't leave. I tried and had to come back because it was the best option. I can't afford to stay in a motel/hotel/BnB just to get away from them for a day or two during Christmas. I don't have any friends who I can spend the holiday with either. During the semester, I resorted to convincing classmates with keys to locked buildings to let me crash in them while they worked at night and I would leave before anybody showed up. Now that school is out, I can't do that. I don't have any family I can reach out to for support or friends who I can depend on for immediate help. I have been crying day in and day out for weeks. I have records of it posted throughout my blog. Literally crying for days on end. I'm being so fucking transparent

All that lump of text is to explain to whoever is out there, who might be listening and willing and able, to please consider helping me, if and ONLY IF able. I know times are tough and if you'd rather use your $ for other reasons or just don't have any to spare, don't sweat it and take care! 🫂

I've thought about what I could do for a long time and have helped myself how I can. It isn't enough. I've applied for so much assistance. Been approved and been sabotaged by my inhumane mom (who does not love me) via stealing my legal documents and letters and hiding them for months. My mind jumps to grim places but I'm clinging for dear life to whatever hope I have left that says things will get better. I wish I knew somebody with a business that I could work for. Part of me feels so fucking terrible for asking for help because I feel like a waste of all your resources. I feel like I shouldn't ask, like I really do not fucking deserve help, but there are friends online who care, who I know mentioned being interested in helping in whatever ways they can

So to the people who care to seriously me, I'm ready to accept it: please send me nice words to get through this and feel less alone. It feels pathetic to ask but I would love a nice letter. A nice card even. Kind words of any kind would go a long way. It means more to me than food. I have felt so broken and every day feels like a test to figure out how badly I actually want to live

I'm also leaving my cash app and paypal here in case anybody would like to do more than what I'm comfortable asking but probably very likely will inevitably need very very soon. I will be left with fucking nothing and I will have no idea what to do once rent is paid

Thank you to those of you who have sent love, offered to listen and heard me out. I really wish it wasn't so hard to survive. I'm trying to feel better knowing there are people out there who are also without help and hoping the best, but it doesn't make me feel any better or comforted tbh. I just wish the help was there for us. I wish there was a place to go for spare love, care, compassion, empathy, kindness, humanity, generosity... I need that more than I need $. Call me stupid but that's what I live for. I don't live for paying to survive in terrible conditions. I live for love and to smile with friends

I hope to write back to the friends who have already been so kind as to message me soon btw. I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Your overwhelming support is sincerely sweet and sometimes I cry because I can't believe people are so nice (to me???). It'll give me something to do that doesn't make me feel like dying! :') so thank you thank you thank you *fist bump*

Hope you're all doing as well as you can and that somehow things get better. Hope anybody else struggling like me doesn't make the mistake of isolating like a sick and dying animal. You deserve love. You deserve support. Don't be like me. Have the courage to reach out to the people who care about you for help as early on into your emergency as possible. Don't let your situation snowball because you spend so long trying to figure out if you're worth it!!! This Random Tumblr user is here to tell you that YOU ARE. Sending my infinite everlasting unconditional love. Be nice to yourselves. Be nice to each other. Fuck the hateful assholes who wish I would just kill myself already. Tell your friends you love them. Happy Holidays!!!

And here's a single picture of a mooning lawn gnome at the very end, as a treat! I told you this post wasn't full of it.... It just ended with it 👉👉

#i decided i rather write a help post rather than a suicide note or my own obituary #sorry to ask for your attention AGAIN #mutual aid #important #help #i'm very sorry #mutuals can all kick my ass once for not abandoning me during these times #i wish i had a $ goal but i do not as of now #I'm taking it a day at a time #doing my very best and trying so damn fucking hard.. please help #i rly would just like to escape and have my own tiny place one day.... some place i can live and love happily in #i was on the steets earlier this year and living out of my ex's car. i do not want to go back to that out of desperation #i have been through so much just trying to survive in place where i don't feel like i belong or welcomes me #i need help #babbling

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lowkeyrobin · 4 months

Note

I'm sorry for spamming you I'm just really excited--

Reader who also streams and just rants a lot while they play Stardew Valley?

Like mid milking a cow or something they pause the game and rant about how to kiss someone or smth?...

-🌕 anon! <3

AH OMG DONT WORRY ABOUT SPAMMING I LOVE YOU GUYS 🫶🫶🫶 but I absolutely love this LMAO I made this into a preference setup instead of a oneshot bc I didn't know exactly who you wanted and I was having difficulty finding a way to stretch it out that long anyways. idk much about stardew valley so bare with me, I rewatched Tommy's video of him playing w Molly to help me 💀💀

MCYT ; stardew valley rants

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, tubbo, freddie badlinu, niki nihachu, foolish gamers & quackity

warnings ; language

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

you'll just be doing some tasks and be like "you know, I've never kissed anyone before. like, how does that work?"

meanwhile Tommy came over a little bit ago to hang out after stream and he just looks at you like 🤨😨

"youve never kissed anyone?? wait... we haven't kissed before? y/n/n, what?"

you shake your head no, confirming that you guys actually never kissed somehow, your relationship was kinda new in both of your defenses.

"we've only been dating like, 2 months, it's fine"

"ARE YOU TRYING TO BE A KISSING VIRGIN FOREVER????"

literally have your first kiss on stream bro

THE EDITS 🫶🙏 I CANT EVEN

the cutest shit ever

TUBBO

you were playing stardew valley for a little calm/lofi stream before you went out to film with tubbo & tommy for a little challenge video

you got a little quiet after a while and started ranting about drama at school

you had some class time with a bunch of popular girls and you didn't exactly fit in with them and drama was starting to arrise

for a solid hour you were ranting about it

tubbo had your stream on as bg noise as he was on the bus to meet up with you and tommy

when you meet up afterwards his first words to you are "did you actually just rant for an hour about school drama?"

you nod and awkwardly smile cause you didn't know he was watching

"you're interesting to say the least"

"you are too!"

RANBOO

you literally paused the whole game mid-farming to rant about some restaurant you and ranboo went to the past day

chat was exploding with "oooo they went on a date" and you were just like "guys it was good food, 10/10"

they get you to join a call with them and you guys talk about it together and your whole experience and how awesome the food was

not to mention the aesthetic of the restaurant was so well put together

you got back to your stream with a little story for your viewers

BADLINU

you started ranting about a movie/show you're fixated on at the moment

went through all the lore, all the characters, background info, etc

Freddie was watching and using tts to talk to you

he encouraged it dw

like he was holding a convo w you and everything it was the cutest shit ever

the edits.

also people clipped the whole like half hour long thing and posted it to YouTube like "y/u/n and badlinu talk about ___!"

you don't even remember it within a week but HE DOES

just one of those cute relationship moments he loves to think about

QUACKITY

you were playing stardew while he was playing gta and you were on a vc together

so obv it kinda sounded crazy 💀💀

"y/n I'm gonna drive my Honda Accord over there and kill all your cows!"

"I swear to God, quackity, don't even dare"

not really ranting but you were yelling threats at him and shit LMAO

NIHACHU

you guys were playing together 🫶

you were teaching her how to do everything and stuff

you eventually went on a tangent about things you do and don't like about the game

she was agreeing to your solid points and stuff

that turns into a rant about hair color and if she can color your hair for you LMAO

FOOLISH GAMERS

"Dude, how do people do that van life shit? I'd die doing that"

straight up hour and a half rant about how much you hate van life tik tokkers while playing stardew valley

he's in your chat like "Yes 100 percent" and adding onto your points LMAO

you both share a hate for van life mfs

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt preferences #mcyt x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt oneshot #quackity x reader #ranboo x reader #badlinu x reader #nihachu x reader #foolish gamers x reader #tubbo x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader

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whateveriwant · 9 months

Text

The Scenic Route

Modern/Non-Military AU

Summary: You, your boyfriend, and his best friend go on a road trip together. One night, when his friend's asleep in the backseat, you and your boyfriend get up to trouble in the front.

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Word Count: ~1.0k

Warnings: SMUT 18+ (fingering, vaginal sex, voyeurism/exhibitionism – both include an unknowing/unconsenting party)

A/N: Hello! This scenario actually came to me in a dream lol. I'm sorry I haven't posted much as of late, but I've been trying to get over a nasty bout of writer's block recently. This drabble is the first thing I've been able to finish in months, so as always, I hope you all enjoy! :)

Just imagine it: you, your boyfriend, and his best friend are on a cross-country road trip for the summer. After miles and miles traversing winding roads and visiting quaint, historic towns, what started out as a fun adventure has become… mmm, less so. Because the days, maybe weeks, stuck together in a metal box with wheels has left you feeling a little… frustrated, if you know what I mean.

It's no one's fault, really. That's just the nature of extensive group traveling. But your poor boyfriend's friend, bless his heart, has really received the brunt of your ire.

Though it's not technically his fault you're all pent up, you can't help but feel a sort of unjust bitterness towards him. It's just that all the times you and Simon have tried to sneak away for a little 'alone' time, his friend was always hot on your trails, interrupting whatever tryst you two were trying to engage in.

So now, well over a week into your trip, Simon can tell you're about to explode. Trust him, he feels the same way as you, so at the first opportunity he sees, he takes it.

One night, when his best friend is fast asleep in the backseat of the car, Simon suddenly pulls over on a stretch of deserted highway. You think he's stopping because maybe there's something wrong with the vehicle, but then he's leaning over the center console, pressing his lips urgently to yours.

Immediately, you startle and try to push him back. "What are you—?"

"Shh," he hushes softly. "It's alright. He's asleep." He points his chin towards the snoring passenger.

And though a quick peek for yourself confirms Simon's words, that doesn't stop the concern from rising within you, especially as he undoes both your seatbelts. Even if his friend is dead asleep, he's still sitting just a few feet away in full view of everything. The proximity as well as possibility of him waking has you flooded with anxiety, and with your eyes locked on the sleeping figure, you try to protest your boyfriend, whose lips gently suck the hinge of your jaw.

"He could—"

But then Simon's big hand is down the front of your pants, swirling quick, tight circles around your neglected clit. You choke on a moan as he presses his fingertips hard against you, grabbing his collar when he dips lower, smearing them through your slick.

It feels so good yet so wrong all at the same time. But despite the guilt weighing on your conscience, ultimately, you can't help but be swept up in the moment.

Gaze still fixed on the man in the backseat, you let your boyfriend play with you however he wills. You twitch and groan, trying to keep your noises to a minimum, but it's difficult with how terribly brilliant he is at this.

He's smirking, the bastard, as he takes you apart right there on the side of the road. And when he stuffs you full with two fingers, causing your voice to suddenly pique, Simon urges with a low purr in your ear, "Shhhhhh... Don't wanna wake him, do you?"

~OR ALTERNATIVELY~

Simon, feeling like the third wheel on you and your boyfriend's road trip. Even though this trip had been planned for months and even though you two try to include him in everything, he can't shake that feeling of a deep tension directed towards him, from you in particular.

While you're not outwardly hostile to Simon, it's the little things he's picked up on. Like how multiple times he's caught you staring at him in the rearview mirror, or whenever he's accidentally brushed against you, you've reared back and caressed the spot like you'd just been burned.

And he gets it; he's not the most convivial of traveling companions. A few weeks crammed together can strain even the best of relationships, and especially so when you two weren't particularly close to begin with.

So imagine Simon's confusion when one night he's awoken by the gentle sway of the car rocking back and forth. At first, he thinks it's just the normal movements of a vehicle in drive. But then he hears something – the unmistakable sound of a woman's breathy moan – and his senses are suddenly on high alert.

With the motion of the cabin around him and the crude noises in his ears, it seems obvious what the two of you are getting up to. But they wouldn't, would they? Not when he's sitting right here.

Peeking one eye open, Simon's suspicions are confirmed as he sees you straddling your boyfriend in the driver's seat. Your arms are wound around the headrest, your face twisted up in pleasure, and Simon can just make out the naked skin of your hip as you bounce in his best friend's lap.

The sight is such a shock to the system that Simon's first instinct is to freeze, both lids flying open without thought. You two must've noticed him asleep and taken a chance to steal a quick moment together, and now he's an intruding third party who's become witness to something he was never meant to see.

Realizing what he's doing, he's about to feign sleep and pretend like nothing happened tomorrow. But before he can act, your eyes suddenly connect with his, and he finds he's hopelessly rooted to his spot.

Are you about to scream? About to cry out and call him a pervert?

So many possibilities run through Simon's mind, but what actually unfurls is even more surprising than anything he could've predicted.

Rather than being angry or shocked to see him peeping, you seem almost… amused. Aroused, if he didn't know better.

Keeping your gaze locked with Simon's, you flash a pleased, little smile, and continue eagerly fucking yourself on his best friend's cock. You toss your head back, grope your chest through your shirt, really put on a show for the man in the back all while the one in the front remains completely unaware.

And Simon, for his part, can't look away from the scene. Whether it's out of confusion or sheer curiosity, he watches on, keeping his eyes firmly glued to your figure.

Will either of you mention this come tomorrow morning? It's hard to say in the moment. But for now, as he's kept rapt by your performance, Simon's content to sit back and let this road lead him where it may.

__________

A/N: I'd love to know what you thought! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

#simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you #simon riley smut #simon ghost riley smut #simon riley fanfiction #simon riley fanfic #cod x reader #cod mw2 #ghost mw2 #call of duty #modern warfare 2 #female reader

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roxtron · 3 months

Text

Day 5: Rabbit, Reclaim

AGJGDFJF FINALLY IT'S DAY 5 SO I CAN POST THIS

For some reason everytime i draw him he looks so young because i'm accidentally overcorrecting since i'm used to drawing older characters. So unfortunately he looks way younger than i meant him to lol, whoops.

But wait there's more- AHAHAHA

While I did initially plan this for GGY week I eventually got the idea to use this as an excuse to draw other GGY designs, soo..

(Not sure why tumblr formatted it that way with 1 of them big but it doesn't matter lol)

I've been wanting to do this for a while, I put the tags of each person next to their design but ofc I'm still gonna tag them in the post itself so you can see their art for yourself if you haven't already. But I enjoyed each of these in their own ways so if you don't mind I think I'm gonna type a bit of text next to them..

@chipistrate This was one of the first I drew out of these, the design was pretty fun to draw but sorry if I messed up a few details, it was a bit difficult lol. The mask and goggles are really fun to draw and they make for a cool design, along with all the glowing blue. (and yes, I tried to subtly include the heelies lol)

@lunzi0 This was the first fursuit one I did lol. I adore the little stars in the design, they personalize it so well and make it really unique. I wanna try this design again since I feel like the other ones show my improvement a bit better, but I hope you can appreciate the effort I put in on my first attempt <3

@carouselrabbit This one was really fun to draw, I absolutely love the eye shape/lashes, it stands out and I always love drawing eyes with a bit of eyeliner lol, the daycare theme legwarmers is a cool nod to the balloon boy arcade machine being connected to them, and was just a fun addition in general lol, I like the style of legwarmers what can I say, fnaf changed my fashion sense a bit. also the subtle paraells to freddy's design is a nice way to connect a bit to gregory himself.

@puhpandas I can't remember if I talked about this design last time I drew it but, overall I'm really happy with how this came out, it's such an indicator of improvement since I started drawing this and I'm glad I was able to draw it better than last time lol. All the patchwork and similarities to Vanny's suit work really well, and the rabbit you chose to base it off of was a good fit, the colors make it a bit more difficult to shade for but i like detail lol, hope you like it too :)

@dykevanny I knew I wanted to do this since I started but I wasn't sure if I'd have time, and I'm glad I did! I hope you don't mind I combined aspects from the first design I saw and the second one you replied to my ask with, I liked the big purple sleeves lol. (I just realized after doing all the shading I forgot to include the oil splatter on his jacket, sorry!) It was definitely a bit difficult due to the head shape being so different but.. fluffy. i love drawing fluff. And the glowing swirl on the goggles, the shape of the ears, I love a lot about this design. :D

I have a hard time with writing compliments but I wanted to get some of those thoughts out, some of the things I like about these designs apply to multiple lol. I adore every one of these designs but I find it hard to put into words what I enjoy about them, hope the original creators are happy with these. <3

I also kept the ggys without as much lighting effects on a separate file, I felt like I should add them since they're a bit brighter lol, makes them look different.

Okay now that I've gotten all that- Sorry this post is so long! I didn't think it'd end up taking up so much space lol. Buut.. working on this drawing and thinking about it and potential context behind it gave me an au idea for it, but I'll put it under the cut since I understand most people probably won't care and just wanna see the drawings lol.

Idk if I'm confident enough to write for it but I'll give a bit of a summary.. I'll keep it under the cut for people who aren't interested and just wanna see the art though lol.

After the main events of SB and Ruin, now that the mimic's been set free, Cassie's taken control of by what's left of Vanny, using her as a new host. But with Cassie being the only human left alive down there, after being reawakened, Dr. Rabbit has nowhere left to go but back to his old host.

Vanessa, Freddy, and Gregory hadn't gone back to the Pizzaplex after ruin, but they were trying to figure out a plan to get Cassie back safely. One night after Freddy and Gregory disappear, Vanessa leaves to go find them. As dangerous as the pizzaplex is, it's her best guess for where they might've gone. She doesn't want to think about what could've happened to them, in denial for the worst case scenario. She tries to keep herself calm by telling herself they probably just left to go back for Cassie, maybe they didn't want her stopping them.. but deep down she knows it can't be that simple. She knows something's off, even if she's not ready to admit it.

When returning to the pizzaplex, she brought along her own V.A.N.N.I. mask, though unlike the one Cassie used, it was clear of the mimic's influence. After all, she was going to need some way to travel through potential blocked routes.

By the time she found Gregory, she'd still been wearing the mask, seeing him down the end of a dark hallway. He looked confused, afraid, his mind was a wreck of conflicting emotions. She started rushing towards him, happy to see him okay, until he finally spoke.

"You need to get out of here."

She stepped back, taking off the mask, only to be faced with the worst case scenario.

It was a wreck, covered in stains and tears, but it was still recognizable. He was wearing that old suit again.

As he waved, she could see Freddy's claws peeking out from the doorway, as the two stepped closer towards her.

So, she did what he told her to do, and started running. She could hear a faint voice coming from the mask, and put it back on before finding somewhere she could hide.

It was his voice again, telling her which way to go.

I guess that was the dramatic way to summarize the main idea behind it, lol. Basically Gregory and Dr. Rabbit work the way Sun and Moon work in Ruin, whichever one is in control in the real world, the other is left behind in the AR world. Or at least that's my interpretation of how they worked, considering Sun was always in mask-on scenes and moon was mask-off. I'm not too sure where the plot might go from there, and maybe I'll consider writing for it, I dunno. I've never wrote fanfic before because I get deadly afraid of writing them out of character lol, but maybe?? I have ideas for scenes and premise and stuff but I don't know if I have the confidence to write it.

But anyway! That was just more of a fun side-idea I came up with while working on this, if you read this far thanks, hope you enjoyed :)

here's some silly little lineless doodles as a reward for making it to the end hehe

now that's what I call an art dump

@ggyweek2024

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bryce-bucher · 10 months

Text

500 CALIBER CONTRACTZ Post #12

Dialogue!!!11:

The main thing I did over the past week or so was put together this dialogue system. The system itself was fairly easily to implement, and I think the only interesting part of the process to share is how I went about making the UI. As per usual, I wanted to have a cool mechanical feeling ui, but at the same time a friend of mine suggested an AOL instant messenger inspired chat window. I loved both of these ideas so I decided to combine them into a screen that pops up and contains the aim-like window. The modeling process for the screen was similar to how I went about making the other two bits of ui that are on screen in the above photos, but I decided to include a VGA port.

VGA PORT:

I didn't originally plan to include a VGA port, but I was in the middle of researching monitors and accidentally left a window open on my computer that just had a big photo of one and I went "wait a minute.". With my final two braincells I suddenly decided to slap together a model for the port which I ended up being proud enough of to, for some reason, make an entire section for it.

Sorry if any of the above sentences read horribly. I am going to need a third braincell if you want this stuff to be coherent. Anyway, Blender is so cool. Using the array modifier to make all these lil squares for the holes in the port is just such a satisfying process. I've come to really like makin pre-rendered assets like this.

New Movez:

This is actually a pretty big inclusion, and I probably should've ranked it in my mind above the VGA port. I added some new movement options to the game!

Firstly, I added this melee move where you swing the back of the sniper forwards to propel yourself a bit. It is mainly useful as a bunnyhop that allows you to conserve momentum.

Next up I added this kick that happens if you melee while in the air. It's basically just the one from mario64. It lets you gain a little bit more height and distance. It also becomes way more effective if you have a lot of momentum. A good tool for correcting jumps and reaching new heights.

Finally, we have the big schmovement slide. This slide gives you a huge burst of speed that you can jump out of in order to send your self flyin. Surprisingly, it didn't really break any of the level design and ended up being a really fun addition imo. In order to perform it, you have to do a ground pound and then melee as you hit the ground. Also, I feel like I basically stole this from pseudoregalia. Played through that recently and it has been a good source of inspiration.

Nova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

This is a cameo skin I've been really excited to finally make myself put in the game. Anodyne 2 is a really important game to me, and I love it much. I'm really happy tha folks at analgesic let me put her in here, and I'm p happy with how her model came together. If you haven't peeped the Anodyne games I highly recommend them. The first one was a major inspiration for parts of Fatum Betula.

Conclusion:

Lately I've been playing this game way too much. It has made it impossible for me to tell if it is fun or well designed. Some problems cropped up during playtesting that ima need to address, and I hope that it all comes together into something that one could say is "fun and cool". I think takin this weekend off is gonna do my brain good. Oh yeah also I feel like I should advertise that I'm still doing commissions if anyone is interested. Anyway, have a good 1 and enjoy urself.

#screenshotsaturday #indiegamedev #gamedev #indiedev #game development #indiegames #lowpoly #y2k #y2k aesthetic #indie game #3d platformer #3dplatformer #sniper rifle #50 caliber 3d platformer #500 caliber contractz #50 cal #anodyne #anodyne 2

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turtlecleric · 5 months

Text

Masterpost

Hey, I'm Cleric! This is my TMNT x Reader sideblog. Something is Very Wrong with me, and I'm here to both receive and inflict psychic damage via fictional turtle men. 18+!! All characters aged up 💕 I do not take requests, sorry!!

MINORS. DO. NOT. INTERACT.

Minors and blogs that do not indicate that they are adults in their bio, masterpost, or about page will be blocked.

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Navigation

If you're looking for content on a specific turtle, I tag stuff like this: iteration!turtle

Iterations: 03, 07, bay, and rise

Turtles: leo, raph, donnie, and mikey

So, for example, if you're looking for stuff with Donnie from Rise, that's tagged as #rise!donnie

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TurtleCleric Scrolls (stuff I've written) - This post was getting waaay too long, so I'm only going to add links here for pieces that are at least 500 words. If you want to see everything, just search the #turtlecleric scrolls tag. I mostly write with a female reader in mind. Please make sure to heed the content warnings!

2003

Yes, Leonardo - NSFW; Leo does a scene with Reader; 1612 words

2007

Perfect - NSFW; Viole(n)t Part 1 (Leo and Raph are in a relationship with reader and share her in bed); 1785 words

Just Right - NSFW; Viole(n)t Part 2; 2707 words

Just For Me - NSFW; Viole(n)t, early relationship; Raph is pissed and uses reader to get back at Leo; 1596 words

Bay

Get Out - Angst; Donnie wants to help reader during a depressive episode, but reader pushes him away; 657 words

Shark Week - Comfort; Donnie takes care of you on your period; 617 words

Be Mine? - Angst; Reader has a not-very-good Valentine's Day, only for Mikey to show up and make it better (featuring mutually pining idiots); 1056 words

New Drug - Angst; Mikey x Addict!Reader, casual sex with pining; Reader's POV is 849 words; Mikey's POV is 1561 words

Nightmare - Hurt/Comfort; Mikey feels guilty about reader's past assault; 881 words

Interrupted - NSFW; Mikey thinks about reader while masturbating; 1760 words

Sparkle - NSFW; Mikey and reader have some spicy time for her birthday; 2634 words

Deserved - Angst; a continuation of something dear Yorshie wrote, read this first; Raph comes across reader on a job without knowing it's her; 820 words [baby's first reader fic!]

Too Late - Angst; happens during/right after Deserved and is Raph's POV; 890 words

Not Your Fault - Angst/Hurt/Comfort?; Raph accidentally triggers a panic attack/dissociative episode in reader; 1522 words

Stupid - Angst/Hurt/Comfort; Reader starts crying during spicy time, and Donnie comforts her; 1247 words

Rise

Gone - Angst; SymphonyBadFuture!Leo helps Donnie on a bad grief day (there is no reader in this one). Won't make sense if you haven't read Symphony by desceros (go read symphony holy shit go read symphony RIGHT NOW I'm BEGGING YOU)

Lucky - NSFW; Donnie likes it when you pin him (my addition is at the bottom of the post); 1092 words [baby's first smut!]

Beat. Past Tense. - Angst; Leo finds reader, but not quickly enough; 699 words

Safe - Angst/Hurt/Comfort?; Reader is kidnapped and Leo saves her; 1448 words

Let Me Take Care of You - Angst/Hurt/Comfort; Leo checks on you during a depressive episode (this started as an "imagine if" and then slipped into fic territory by the end); ~600 words

Good Morning - NSFW; Reader wakes up to find that she orgasmed in her sleep while laying with Leo; heed the warnings; 534 words

I Feel It Coming - NSFW; Leo wakes reader up for some spicy time; 2073 words

Sleepy - Cute?; Raph realizes he likes reader; 855 words

I See You - Angst/Hurt/Comfort?; Leo is fine, but he's really, really not; 835 words

I Know Now - NSFW; reader wants to feel what Donnie feels when he has his mating seasons; 2938 words

What Did I Do? - NSFW; HEAVY ANGST; Raph is forced to mate with reader; HEED THE CONTENT WARNINGS; 3403 words

Brownies - Hurt/Comfort; Leo comes to reader for help; 869 words

Trapped - Angst ...horror? with rise!Raph as the Trapper character from Dead by Daylight and the reader as a survivor in the trial; 4181 words

---

Tag List (for my own future reference - please shoot me an ask or tag me in a post/reply if you'd like to added to the list!)

@yorshie, @luckycharms1701, @thejudiciousneurotic, @khayalli, @thelaundrybitch, @mxalmighty, @justalotoffanfiction, @shakeyourtrees, @silverwatergalaxy

#i hope to god it won't notify tagged people every time I update this #masterpost #if you find any links that are wrong please lmk!!

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moyokeansimblr · 5 months

Text

Update

Not feeling so hot and I'm not going to do anything impulsive at 8PM on a Friday evening but

here is a link to a sfs folder with ALL of my content that's currently only hosted on patreon.

I want to add individual sfs links to the tumblr posts but that's a lot and I'm now regretting never adding alt dl links this whole time... and sorry I don't think the downloads in the sfs folder are in order... it also might be some other things, like fixed meshes or stuff. tbh I just added everything I've made after April 3rd 2023 since that was the last time I uploaded anything to sfs.

I guess while I'm here... I was going to wait until after I finish up the last of my active requests (probably by Monday, I'm almost done) but I desperately need a break from CC. I sent a group message on the 17th to my $4 and $6 patrons encouraging them to cancel, but I know not everybody knows patreon even has dms so maybe you'll see this post and I'll reach out again in the coming days so nobody is wasting their money. I am so immensely burnt out and I need to not create for a while. This is completely my own fault, nobody made me work on CC for 8-10 hours 5 days a week for the last several months and I fully knew it wasn't sustainable ages ago but I kept doing it because it made me feel good, until it didn't. Quite honestly, even before I sent the group message the instant wave of relief I felt just having made the decision to take a break... that caught me off guard but just confirmed I need this. I do feel really awful about it because I feel like I'm letting people down but at the same time I don't want to hate creating which was already happening. That being said, I don't know how long the lull in CC is going to be, and if you're only following me strictly for CC I apologize. As said I am still finishing up one request I still had, I'm about 75% done with that as of this post. But that's gonna be it for a while.

There is a part of me that wants to stop using patreon completely and unpublish my creator page (which is what I'm not going to impulsively do tonight without properly thinking it through...since there are positives like how easy it is to download files and whatnot) but I'd again encourage not only those who joined the $4 and $6 tiers but also the $2 tier to cancel so that you aren't wasting your money. If I did do this I would definitely do the individual sfs links on everything first. I'd not just leave you guys unable to download my stuff.

So, what does that mean for this blog? I'll spare ye, impatient readers, who have already read a lot because I ramble⬇️

Well, as of posting this I still have THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FOUR Strangetown posts in my queue. And I'm not tired of playing that.

I'm looking forward to having an opportunity to do all of the things I've been neglecting. I'm finally going to go through the subfolder within my downloads of everything I'm downloaded the last few months and decide if I wanna keep it in my game or not. And finish default replacing everything. And all my other various little projects I haven't been doing.

Also, I want to start playing Veronaville 😮I've already started downloading lots from kattaty to replace the in-game ones, and I found a cool replacement for the neighborhood map. I am leaning towards making a new sub-blog for this so that you don't have to try and follow Strangetown/LFT posts and Veronaville/ALT posts at the same time. I've only ever played the Veronaville sims for like one day as part of a super failed megahood years ago so I'd like to get to know them.

So basically, I guess I'm a gameplay blog for now? Until I want to create anything again anyways, but I don't know when that will be.

I don't know how to end this post... I'm sorry for the disappointment, but thank you so much for enjoying my stuff 💛💛

#moyokean #sims 2 #ts2 #the sims 2 #thesims2

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pleasantlyinsincere · 1 year

Text

John and Julian (and Cyn) through the '70s

Last edited on 8 October 2023. All edits listed at the end. Text in between [ ] are my thoughts.

Since John and Yoko had moved into Tittenhurst in August '69 Julian often spend weekends with them there.

"And then I'd live for the weekends I spent with my dad and his new love Yoko at Ascot. My feeling toward their relationship was helped by the way I was treated. I was given incredibly expansive toys to play with and there was always something happening." Julian, 1982

Cynthia describes that she was relieved that Julian got on reasonably well with Yoko, but she was concerned by some of the more bizarre stories of what was going on at Tittenhurst park.

"One of the hardest aspects of letting Julian visit John was accepting that Yoko would presumably look after him when he was there. I didn't know what he would make of her cool manner. But in fact he seemed fine with it, and perhaps it was better for him to have a rather distant step-mother than one who was all over him. He never told me that she was unkind in any way, which was a relief. After that first weekend Peter rang regularly to arrange visits for Julian. Much to my amusement Julian had started to call Yoko Hokey-Cokey." Cynthia Lennon: John, p.314

Photos of Julian at Tittenhurst in 31 January 1970. [John and Yoko only returned from Denmark January 27th, so Julian came to see them the first weekend back.]

Rest of the timeline including pics, quotes and audio behind the cut because it got ridiculously long.

23 February 1970

An article is published in the Evening Post talking about Julian and Kyoko. It mentions that in 1969 there were four months that father and son didn't get to see each other and also spent Christmas apart.

Some quotes from John:

"Julian, last time I saw him, was a bit too protected, like all kids are. It took him two weeks to unwind, when he was last with us." "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing." Link to article

March 1970

Over the New Year John and Yoko had spent some weeks in Denmark with Tony Cox, his new partner and Kyoko. That arrangement had worked quite well and it seems it motivated John and Yoko to try to get closer with Cynthia and Roberto also. It seems in the end not much came of these good intentions.

Up until now, when Julian came to spend the weekend at Tittenhurst Park, it was Les Anthony who shuttled him back and forth between his parents. However, shortly after their return from Denmark, John and Yoko made a conscious effort to spend time with Julian, Cynthia and her fiancé Roberto Bassanini. John later remarked: "All five of us ate together and we saw to it that the children see us all together. Maybe six of us will go on vacation with Kyoko. Julian, Cyn and Roberto, so that everyone feels secure. That's very important. In order to have peace, it's necessary to start inside the family." Lennonology, source L'Express [3/23/70]

Instead John and Yoko left for LA 23 April 1970 to undergo Primal Scream therapy with Janov. They stayed for almost five months in the US and returned to England 15 September 1970.

June 7th, 1970

While John and Yoko are in LA doing their therapy with Janov. One of the topics discussed was John's troubled relationship with his son.

The meeting, which Vivian Janov describes as 'a very strong emotional day for him,' had taken place in April, and John was making an effort to maintain communication with his son. From Los Angeles, John posted a card to Julian today: 'I'm sorry I haven't called or written much. I've been a little sick. We miss you a lot, and send you our love... won't be long till I see you'. Lennonology

After the return from the US in September Julian continued to regularly visit Tittenhurst. During those visits he usually played a lot with Les Anthonys four stepchildren, who at the time were also living on the estate.

"Once Dad had a little white shed built on an island in the middle of a lake on the grounds of the house. He had bought these little white amphi-cars that sped across the lake. The three of us all dressed in white to spend the day there. Crazy, but wonderful."Julian, 1982

In this interview Julian describes going over to Tittenhurst just to be an idiot with his dad but also how scary the big house and his bedroom situation could be to him at night.

[The floorplan of Tittenhurst (LINK) actually shows Julian's room just across the hallway from John and Yoko's room but half a stairway down. There's not really a closer bedroom and he may have been put there, so that he has his own bathroom. It being so far away, small (somewhere he or Cynthia call the room a closet) and scary are after all the memories from a child's point of view.]

For the most part the visitation arrangements seemed to have continued in 1971. In the summer, when John and Yoko were filming for the imagine documentary, Julian can be seen roaming the property with his friends.

Saturday, July 17th, 1971 With the cameras rolling, John and Yoko roamed the Tittenhurst Park grounds in a golf cart with Jill Johnston. As promised, Blue Pools delivered the new lake house, and the Lennons spotted location. More footage was taken of the house under construction, the Lennons and Johnston rowing on the lake, and Julian and the neighbor children reading excerpts from Grapefruit on camera and running amok in the fields. Lennonology

Lennonology

Julian Lennon: Tittenhurst was this enormous palace-like place with 99 acres, golf-cart buggies, a lake, a little island in the middle of the lake. It was like a house of fun. It was wonderful. I loved the place.

LINK to a longer version of the quote but in German. Not adding much just both John and Julian sharing a mutual love for Dr. Pepper at the time, playing the mellotron and the children daring each other to enter a 'haunted' building on the property.

It's also at Tittenhurst that Julian meets May Pang, who had started working for John and Yoko as an assistant through ABKCO in NY and had come to England as a messenger to bring film rolls.

"There were a lot of great moments at Tittenhurst that I do fondly remember, you know, giggling and laughing with Dad. And, as they say, shooting the shit. But it was difficult to know, you think, 'OK, well, is this going to stay? Is this what it's going to be, now? Can I count on this? Can I be here next weekend or the weekend after? Is that going to happen?' That was one of the, obviously, the hardest pill to swallow, was the constant change. You know, you thought things were going to settle down, but they just never quite did." Julian, 2018

"I lived an ideal life between then [Cyn and Roberto] and John and Yoko, but it all ended when Cynthia's marriage broke up and Dad and Yoko moved to the States." Julian, 1982

The big cut happens when on August 12th 1971 John and Yoko leave for NY and take up residence in the St. Regis Hotel.

At first their plan was to search for Kyoko, so that she too could come for visits at Tittenhurst like Julian. In September John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavett show and briefly talked about their wish that both their children could be with them.

youtube

Maybe a Christmas present:

Christie's auction

[In her Lost Weekend doc, May talks about Julian calling and Yoko not allowing her to put the call through to John. She says at that point they hadn't spoken for a couple of years. Then a few weeks later she is in the audience for George Harrison's appearance on Dick Cavett. The show is aired in November '71, so if there is anything to her anecdote she may mean they hadn't seen each other for two months instead of two years.]

26 May '72

"Lennon admits that he is scared to say too much publicly about the case, because it was the initial publicity that had spurred Cox to vanish. He talks about how hard it is for Ono to see pictures of her daughter: I have to hide them. Asked about his own son, Julian, he says: I don't have that 'where the hell is he?' bit. But he reveals that when they were in England, and Julian visited them every weekend, it was difficult for Ono to be with him when her own daughter wasn't there: It was killing her." source

28 May '72

Cynthia quoted in a Sunday paper: "John hasn't seen Julian since he went to America. It is rather a long time. He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now. He does write to Julian, just normal letters, asking how he is getting on at school and things like that. And he sends him presents. He sent him a toy truck at Christmas. I don't keep in touch with John anymore. It's purely through Julian that we keep in contact. Julian loves his father. He follows his career in the newspapers. He goes to a private boys' school where people don't bother who he is. He went to a state school but he had problems there."

14 June '72

Cyn's complaints are repeated in the LA times, where it said that John hadn't seen Julian in eight months. "He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now."

On 22 September '73 John and May leave for LA and only a few days later on 2 October '73 it is reported in the newspaper that Cyn separated from Roberto Bassanini.

Cynthia gave some interviews on her recent separation and the fact that she and Julian moved back to Hoylake, where Julian goes to private school.

"Unhappily Julian misses his father, which is only natural. We only hear from John at Christmas and when the birthdays come around." 7 October '73, Sunday Mirror

"Julian is always asking after him but of course John is in America now. It's been hard for him not seeing John for several years. This sort of thing is naturally upsetting for a child." 7 October '73, Sunday People

According to May's book, while John had broken up with her, she went to the Dakota to be with Yoko. Yoko there told her that she had decided it was time for Julian to come for a visit and May should at least reunite with John for that period to help him with it. May agreed to go back to John for two weeks, but it ends up being more like a year.

Christmas gift '73

To Julian from Daddy Christmas 1973

[Julian has sold an NFT of the black guitar. LINK ]

Shortly after Christmas '73 Julian and Cyn travel to LA to spend his school holidays with his father. They stay at least until the Happy Days taping they visit together on 5 February '74.

During the over a month long visit May writes, that they went to Disneyland three times and had brunch together the first morning. Meanwhile John is still having some wild times. Since Julian is staying with Cynthia, he goes out with May. The Kotex incident and nearly killing Jesse Ed Davis happen at the same time of this visit. May also places Cynthia asking John to have another child together during this trip.

As the visit ends May makes John promise to call Julian regularly.

"It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee." He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, "I really would like to keep in touch with me son." May Pang, Loving John p.168

Julian too, took a lot of positive out of the meetings around this time.

"Mum and I flew out to the States and stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At least Mum did, I spend every minute of every day with my Dad and Yoko. " Julian, 1982

In later recollections Julian correctly puts the first visit in the time-frame that John was with May.

“Dad and I got on a great deal better than,” recalls Julian. “We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a great time in general when he was with May Pang.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang: Loving John. About this visit and how it was set up.

In April 74 Julian sends a Thank you tape to John and Yoko for his birthday gift. Even though John is with May at this time, the present it seems was sent from the married couple.

The present in question according to Julian was a guitar, decorated with a mirror, writing and other stuff:

John writes to Cyn 22 June '74 a typed letter asking about Julian's holiday plans. Interestingly as the return address he gives the Dakota. He wants to send May to bring Julian.

19/20-25 July 1974 Instead of being collected by May, Julian sails with Elton John, Tony King, and Cyn per boat from Southampton to New York.

[In her book Cynthia wrongly remembers this as her first visit with John in the US. She also claims this visit was completely her initiative, which as proven by the letter wasn't the case. The whole anecdote is interesting however because she says that it was never the plan to stay with Julian, John and May but stay in NY with Jenny Boyd. Jenny apparently wasn't told about that plan, because in the end she wasn't there to home Cynthia. (May on the other hand remembers that Cynthia was staying with friends but they left without her and she was lonely, so she ended up coming with them.) In the end (and to John probably rightly or wrongly suspiciously) what was planned as just a trip for Julian with his dad turned into Cynthia coming along most of the time.]

Cynthia'a account about how this meeting was set-up and why she was with them during the trip.

Tony King in The Tastemaker simply writes: “John Lennon wanted to see his son, so I took Julian and John’s ex-wife Cynthia along with me.”

August 6th '74

John, May, Cyn and Julian return to LA for John to record Goodnight Vienna with Ringo.

In the summer while working on Walls and Bridges Julian visits the studio. He records Ya Ya with his dad.

Little interview bit with Julian about being in the studio.

August 19th, 1974

John and May take a trip to Denver. Instead of coming with them Julian stays with Cyn in LA.

When the whole vacation is coming to a close, it is decided that Julian should come for another visit for Christmas. John is clear that he wants him to come alone.

Both May Pang and Cynthia wrote about this visit in their memoirs. [Cynthia is clearly mixing up and merging the first and second trip together in her recollection of it.]

Cynthia's account.

May's account.

December 19th, 1974

Julian, accompanied by Apple staffer Steve Brendell, arrived in NY on this day for Christmas with John and May. Mimi was also invited but declined to come.

While they were in NY Yoko also came by because she wanted to greet Julian.

John, May and Julian flew to Florida on December 22. Lennon said he accepted Levy's Florida invitation "because I was so worn out anyway" from back-to-back studio projects "that I didn't know what to do with my son Julian." John figured that at Disney World, "I could sort of sit in a room or something and Julian could play with Morris's kid." John's quotes are from his trial testimony Big Seven Music Corp, 75Civ, 1116; In Stan Soocher Baby You're a Rich Man, Suing the Beatles for Fun and Money

Until 29 December they spent time in Palm Beach and later returned to Orlando (Disney World).

During this visit, Julian was helpful in influencing John and George making up and the thus the dissolution agreement of the Beatles coming along.

Julian remembers his Christmas visit with John and May fondly: “My memories of that time with Dad and May are very clear - they were the happiest time I can remember with them.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang in Loving John on this visit.

Cynthia writes about this visit in her book.

youtube

Video from May Pang's Lost Weekend documentary. [She says Long Island but I guess it's Palm Beach.]

In early February 1975 John moves back into the Dakota and resumes his marriage with Yoko.

John gives an interview to SPIN magazine in early spring 1975. In it he is asked about his private life, his recent return to Yoko, what his relationship with May is like now, and also about Julian:

How about you as a father? How old is your son [Julian] now? He is 11 now. All I know is that you took him to Disneyworld … right? Yeah, that was hell. Disneyland was better, the first time, in L.A., I took him there. Because I went with a gang, and there were a few of us who were flying a little. But Disneyworld — I was there on the most crowded day of the year, around Christmas or something. Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, “What are we gonna do?” and all that crap. It doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s around. Cause I don’t see him that often. How is it for an 11-year-old boy to have John Lennon as a father? It must be hell. Does he talk about that to you? No, because he is a Beatle fan. I mean, what do you expect?? I think he likes Paul better than me … I have the funny feeling he wishes Paul was his dad. But unfortunately he got me … It must be hard to be son of anybody. He is a bright kid and he’s into music. I didn’t encourage him, but he’s already got a band in school. But they sing rock’n’roll songs, ’cause their teacher is my age. So he teaches them “Long Tall Sally” and a couple of Beatles numbers. He likes Barry White and he likes Gilbert O’ Sullivan. He likes Queen, though I haven’t heard them yet. He turns me on to music. I call him and he says, “Have you heard Queen?” and I say “No, what is it?” I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen the guy … the one who looks like Hitler playing a piano … Sparks? I’ve seen Sparks on American TV. So I call him and say, “Have you seen Sparks? Hitler on the piano?” and he says, “No. They are alright. But have you seen Queen?” and I say “What’s Queen?” and then he tells me. His age group is hipper to music … at 11 I was aware of music, but not too much.

Link to the SPIN interview

March 11th 1975

John is interviewed by Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. He sends greetings to Julian, Mimi and the rest of his family in England.

unknown

30 July 1975

About Julian ... I'm lucky if I see/hear from him myself. She allowed him over here twice last year ... but insisted on coming herself! You can imagine how thrilling that was ... she thought she could walk back in coz I wasn't with yoko!! Now we're back together again she stops him phoning me ... which he did a lot last year ... once a week. He's a bright little boy ... a bit 'sneaky' like his dad ... but he's gonna need that to survive his mother! Our relationship is pretty good --- he knows where I am and what my life is like ... he thinks of me a litlle too much in terms of 'money' etc ... which is what cyn and her mother (so called) have taught him (by example). He will run right to me when he's older ... we all run somewhere ... so I can wait. I got him well hooked on America ... which isan extraordinary place to say the least ... more on that in other letters perhaps. Oh yes the baby is due in November! Conceived feb 6. I tried to send Julia to see julian ... she was given the cold shoulder. When I get to England I'll show you them both. I would love to see yours. Letter to Leila, John Lennon Letters edited by Hunter Davies

After only five months being back with Yoko, communication with Julian has become more sporadic again. To his cousin Leila John complains that it's Cynthia keeping Julian from calling and about her tagging along the previous year. He also claims that he sent Julia to check in on Julian.

Julia Baird in a '83 interview confirms John's claim to Leila, that he hadn't heard from Julian and sent his little sister to check up on him.

"He kept asking in letters and on the phone, 'Please will you go and see Julian? Will you go and see Julian? Will you go see and see Julian? I haven't heard from Julian. His mother's got a cob on. Can you please go and see what's going on?' [...] Anyway eventually Aaron persuaded me that I should go. He was the one that when we got another letter asking, 'Have you been to see Julian yet?', he said, 'Look, he's never asked you to do anything. I think you should go.' [...] We went and John had given us the address, I didn't know where it was. And she seemed very embarrassed to see me. In fact so much so, that I backed off. I just said, 'Is Julian there, please? I'd like to see him.' And she said, 'No, he's gone out.' And I just said, 'Well goodbye, then.' It was very odd, very bizarre."

In her memoir Cyn doesn't mention John sending family to check on them but has an opposing recollection of who was unreachable:

"Initially he did: he phoned Julian as before, every few weeks. But the calls became less frequent, and all too often when Julian tried to phone John he couldn't get through. Yoko, or one of their employees, would tell him that John was sleeping or busy. Discouraged, Julian would wait weeks before trying again. " Cynthia Lennon, John p. 346

1 May '76

Cyn marries John Twist. John and Yoko send a telegram: "Congratulations, good luck, God bless the three of you, John and Yoko.”

According to Cynthia a few weeks later John calls her to invite Julian over for a visit during the school holidays to meet his brother. Yoko and John take the children for a holiday to Long Island. Cynthia also writes that Julian was mugged during his stay in NY, when John told him to go out by himself to buy a harmonica he wanted.

Photos of Julian with John and Yoko in summer 1976.

The only other person I have read mention the '76 visit is John Green in Dakota Days.

As the apartment at the Dakota grew more crowded, John retreated to the quieter and more spacious southern shore of Long Island. He took Sean with him and brought Julian over from Britain. Yoko kept him posted with a barrage of phone calls. "How goes the war, Charles?" he chimed into the receiver. "No casualties so far. How goes the peace?" "Great. It's absolutely beautiful. I've got a bit of sea and a bit of green and my sons, and even once in a while I even have my wife. You should come out here and get some of this. It's delightful." Dakota Days, p.97

[Aside from Cynthia's and Green's brief mentions of the trip, there is very little information on this NY visit. Even Robert Rosen, who supposedly read John's diaries multiple times, has nothing to say about this or the '77 visits. He even claims repeatedly that Julian and John first reunited in 1979 and hadn't seen each other for four years at that point.]

One of Julian's memories that most likely fits this visit:

Julian first played piano when he was thirteen, visiting his father and Yoko in Montauk, Long Island, after Sean, his half brother, was born. Their next-door neighbor had a piano, and Julian and his father went there one day. Lennon played a couple of tunes, then Julian asked, "Can I have a go?" Julian to Rolling Stone, 1985

Another one that Julian doesn't connect to a date but he remembers the new situation after his little brother was born:

[Yoko] was very loving towards me, even after their son Sean was born. Right at the beginning I felt a few pangs. They were there with their own son. Where did I fit in? But every time I went over Dad would lay on amazing treats, and Yoko was always loving towards me." Julian, 1982

In the same interview Julian also tells the story of his dad offering him a joint when he was about 12, so that might have also been the '76 visit, or the '74/'75 Christmas visit.

Cynthia claims she had trouble getting the money she was supposed to use for Julian's school. She asked John to split the trust fund, so that she can withdraw money from it easier. John agreed.

Cynthia publishes the letter in her book John and calls it "cautious, polite and to the point":

"I explained that, as he and Yoko were out of the country, it was impossibly difficult for me to get at Julian's money: 'Nothing can proceed without your signature - it means I'm forever overdrawn at the bank and have to wait on the convenience of your lawyers ... I want the best for Julian, and his standard of life shouldn't suffer because of lack of good management on your part, which has been happening since the fund was set up ... The money, instead of having doubled through good investment, is dwindling through lack of interest on your part ... It's just so important that this whole arrangement is sorted out without animosity or aggravation ... The way things are going Julian's financial prospects when he is 25 will be virtually nil and he is going to want to know why... It is one thing fighting for your rights but totally ridiculous fighting against your own son's interests, which is what seems to be happening.' "

[She says she ends the letter with thanking them for arranging the Concorde flight for Julian last summer. However according to wiki Concorde didn't fly to NYC until November 1977. (That years Christmas John and Yoko do indeed book a Concorde flight for Julian.) So I suspect that her supposed letter is specifically written for her book and not an actual document as the presentation suggests.]

In mid-October Cynthia gives an interview to Woman magazine that also got picked up in multiple newspapers. In it she talks about their relationship splitting after their first LSD trip, John getting upset with Julian when he couldn't eat with a knife, alleges that she was being followed by a private detective in Italy,...

A report on the article in the Burton Daily Mail from 19 October '76 also quotes Cynthia as saying:

"Since then their relationship has been beautiful," she says. "They talk a lot on the phone, there've been other visits and he's going again this year. I believe now that John is completely off all drugs, has been off them for years, otherwise I'd never let Julian go."

[He's going again this year indicates that there was another visit planned in 1976. If that happened or fell through, I haven't found anything about that.]

October 25th, 76

John sends Julian a postcard from Singapore. “What happened to ya?”

Even though the previous few months there was a visit and positive communication about the finances, Cynthia's decision to publicly complain in the papers angered John. He responded on November 26th 1976 with an open letter in the Daily Mail.

"Lennon tells first wife: Stop blaming Yoko," it read: "As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono. Your memory is impaired to say the least. Your version of our first LSD trips is rather vague. You seem to have forgotten subsequent trips altogether. You also seem to have forgotten that only two years ago, while I was separated from Yoko Ono, you suddenly brought Julian to see me in Los Angeles after three years of silence. During that visit you didn't allow me to be alone with him for one moment. You even asked me to remarry you and give you another child 'for Julian's sake.' I politely told you no and that anyway I was still in love with Yoko. Finally, I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your Beatle past, but if you are serious about it you should try to avoid talking to and posing for magazines and newspapers. We did have some good years so dwell on them for a change."

Cynthia answers to the press after this, saying she doesn't want them to throw mud at each other and repeated "All I want to do is forget the Beatles and enjoy my present life". Still, only a few months later in 1977 she starts to write A Twist of Lennon (allegedly gleefully on a typewriter Yoko had gifted Julian). In her later memoir John she writes she was persuaded to do it by her husband John Twist who believed it would make their fortune.

Julian is sent to boarding school for that time. [In her book John Cynthia explicitly remembers that she moved to Ireland to write. However newspaper reports from the time suggest that the move happened later. So, probably Julian wasn't boarding at this time but those months in '78.]

At the same time communication between John and Julian was happening regularly and according to his diaries he got excited by the idea of buying Julian a keyboard.

July 14th, 1977

December 25th 1977

Julian comes by Concorde to stay at the Dakota during his school holidays.

[At the time of Julian's visit John and Yoko were still helped by the FBI to deal with the kidnapping threat and extortion attempt that had been going on for weeks and scared them badly. Also, Tony Cox had made contact by phone and agreed that Kyoko could visit for these holidays but then disappeared again and John would never hear again from Kyoko. I don't know if Julian was told any of this but I assume it probably was one of the more tense christmases.]

Going by Giuliano because neither Cynthia nor Robert Rosen mention this trip by Julian at all, John was very excited about Julian coming getting up early and baking bread for him. Julian gets close to Nishi and thereby brings forth John's competitive streak. John tries out the parental philosophy of wanting to spend time with Julian instead of giving him material goods, Julian goes 'oh, really' and John caves in. When he leaves John draws a portrait of Julian. Source

[Since Robert Rosen, who also read the diaries, doesn't even know about the '76 or '77 visits (and Giuliano too thinks they saw each other last at Disney World), they may not be the source for the above. I thought it might have been from Dakota Days but it's not. John Green mentions the '77 Christmas visit but says the family were going to Florida to meet Julian there because of the security threats. I think Green is confusing this and a later visit, so I will insert his account of what John told him on returning there.]

Julian stays most of January. Goes to see the musical The Magic Show with Yoko and the band Riff-Raff with John.

In February of 1978 Cynthia and her husband sell their house and move away from Ruthin to Eire to avoid a 'wealth tax'. They leave Julian to be a boarder at his school. Cynthia and John Twist return in December, probably because they missed Julian.

April 1978

[It's not actually dated aside from being from 1978, I just assume the guitar was Julian's birthday gift.]

GIBSON Les Paul 25/50 guitar

"Dad gave me this special order rare model - it was always exciting to receive something like this from my dad. When I visited Dad we would sit down together and he would teach me a few chords and help me improve my technique." Julian in Beatles Memorabilia. The Julian Lennon Collection.

May 19th 1978

A conversation with Cyn and excerpts from her memoir A Twist of Lennon are published in News of the World.

John, Yoko and Sean are in Japan for their summer vacation. Through his London lawyers John tries to stop the publication of Cynthia's book as a serial in the News Of The World.

Tuesday, June 13th, 1978 Having been telephoned in Japan with the details of Cynthia's memoir excerpt in News Of The World, John instructed his solicitors to issue a High Court injunction in an effort to prevent the publication of a planned second installment. Frere Cholmeley & Co., Lennon's attorney in London, described the piece as 'a salacious and gribby little article,' although it was qualified with the statement: 'He does not deny that he held parties or took drugs, but he deplores the publication of intimate details of his married life.' Friday, June 16th, 1978 In the case of Lennon v. News Group Newspapers Ltd and Twist, Lord Denning rejected John's application for an injunction in London's High Court today, permitting the publication of more excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon. For his par, Denning was not impresses with John's argument that the article's publication was a breach of confidence of the marriage: 'I cannot see that either of these two parties have had much regard for the sanctity of marriage ... It seems to me as plain as can be that the relationship of these parties has ceases to be their own private affair. They themselves have put it into the public domain.' Sunday, June 18th, 1978 Having successfully defended the right to publish excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon, today's edition of News Of The World featured part two of their series: 'How Yoko stole my husband.' " Lennonology

When the book actually was released feelings turned out to be much softer than expected. Cyn ends her first memoir with the words :

I still feel very proud of the Beatles and their accomplishments. My life during that period was an education, an education I wouldn't have missed. It has left me feeling enriched, not embittered, enlightened not blinded. All I can think to conclude my story is to say, 'Thanks for the memories, and in the words of the I CHING, no blame.'"

After finishing reading his ex-wife's book, according to Robert Rosen, John was relieved and enjoyed the nostalgia. He said a prayer for Cyn: "Dear God, please show her The Way. Thank You. Thank You."

Postcard to Julian:

[I can't make out the date on the card. Julian's Beatles memorabilia book says it's from '71 but that's obviously wrong with Sean being included and Julian's Ruthin address on it. John makes the reference to being a farmer. They bought their farm in February 1978, so I put it that year. May be wrong though.]

March 21st 1979

Julian is supposed to join John, Sean and Yoko's visiting nieces in Palm Beach.

[John taking a photo of Julian in '79]

There are multiple, very different accounts for this visit, that includes Julian's 16th birthday celebration.

John bought Julian a motorcycle for his birthday.

At one point they went to Disney World, (which none of the accounts of the trip even mention), where this photo of Julian and Yoko's nieces was taken:

Accounts from:

Robert Rosen [Rosen writes that Dan Richter's children came for a visit. Correction: I said before that that because Dan wrote in his book that he never saw John again after 1974, it seemes unlikely to me that his kids would be sent out to John and Yoko five years later. However Dan Richter does confirm that in his interview on the Podcast Glass Onion: On John Lennon episode 16:

"My kids would go down, they had a place down in Palm Beach or whatever it was down in Florida. And they were there at Christmas and bring Julian and they would fly my kids down to play with Julian. And everybody, the sense we got was they were happy!"

This visit doesn't happen over Christmas but it sounds like he is talking about more than one occasion that happened and probably Christmas is one example. Could also mean that Rosen is mixing up the occasion for that anecdote.]

Cynthia Lennon

Fred Seaman

Geoffrey Giuliano

John Green [Green puts this actually to the '77 holiday visit, where he wrongly writes they went to Florida. I think (if his stories are to be believed at all) he confuses John's anger and disappointment upon return with this visit of Julian's. It also fits with being in Florida.]

[I recommend to read all of them. Lots of drama. I may one day make a comparison post between all the account because they are fascinatingly different.]

April 9th 1979

John writes to Mimi saying Julian would be welcome to live with them if he so chose but there had been no arrangements made.

Q: Did you ever plan to go and live with him [John] in New York? Julian: "When I was in my early teens we'd spoken on the phone about the possibility of me going to college over there. I think it was wishful thinking on both our parts because I felt uncomfortable about the situation and I believe he did, too." Hello! Magazine, 1995

April 25th 1979, Postcard to Julian from NY:

Julian declines to join his dad, Yoko and Sean for their family's yearly vacation in Japan.

[July 1979 In the context of getting one of his guitars Julian said that John bought him a Sony Walkman as a gift when they were brand-new. He puts around '73-'74. However according to wikipedia the Sony Walkman was first sold in July '79, so that present would have been sent to Julian around this time, maybe directly from Japan.]

December 1979

On 3rd-4th December there is a two part feature in the Daily Mail called "The Sons of the Beatles" on Julian and Zak.

"When I'm in New York, we go out quite a lot together round some of the art galleries, or to his house at Long Island. When we stay in we have musical jam sessions together singing out latest songs to each other. I still listen to Beatles music. Although I quite like some of my father's solo albums, I much prefer what he did with the Beatles." (quoted from Lennonology p. 508)

Also that month:

"More disturbing to John were the ongoing trials with Julian. The sullen teen continued to vex his father with his on-again, off-again plans to visit over Christmas. At first Julian said maybe, as long as they didn't go to Florida. Then it was a flat no, using school exams and a new girlfriend as an excuse. At the last minute he called saying he would come to New York only if he could bring a friend, but Yoko turned him down. As usual John didn't challenge her. Julian retaliated by sending his father a tabloid article about rock stars' sons, which focused on both him and Ringo's son Zak Starkey, and went into detail about the trials of being the offspring of a Beatle." Lennon in America by Giuliano p. 218

On the other hand John Green does write that Julian spent Christmas '79 with John, Yoko and Sean. He even says that Julian stayed until February. ("John stayed in the Palm Beach house until February, luxuriating in the sun and sea, forging new ties with Julian and delighting in rediscoveries of himself." p.229) [This can't be true however because John was definitely in NY for Christmas and New Years. John and Yoko did buy a house in Palm Beach late January however and were spotted there a few times in February. I can't find a mention of Julian being spotted with them, so it may or may not have happened. I do think between the two of them Giuliano's account is probably more accurate. The Daily Mail article he mentions of Zak and Julian had come out on 3 or 4 December, so that is also believable that it had come up in pre-christmas discussions. But of course it's possible that a visit happened anyway.]

1980

Julian called in February 1980 to set up another meeting with his dad. This time John denied him, surprisingly because he was worried about Julian's schooling. Through Cynthia he had learned that Julian was failing his O-levels, had started smoking, staying out at night drinking, had gotten in trouble with the police for setting up fires and racing through town on a dirt bike. "John just prayed that Julian didn't hurt himself." There is also continued conflict over money. John felt that Julian every time they spoke asked him for more money. "And though John continued to feel guilty about having abandoned Julian and Cynthia, he'd be damned if he was going to be like every other rich asshole father who'd abandoned his family and then used money as a poor substitute for love and companionship." source

In March 'A Twist of Lennon' gets its paperback release and new reviews are printed in the press.

Summer 1980

When John sat for a portrait painting with Sean for the artist Nancy Gosnell, he wondered if she could also do one of him and Julian from a photograph. He wanted to give him a father and son portrait for his birthday, according to Fred Seaman.

September 1980

PLAYBOY: "Your son, Julian, from your first marriage must be in his teens. Have you seen him over the years?" LENNON: "Well, Cyn got possession, or whatever you call it. I got rights to see him on his holidays and all that business, and at least there's an open line still going. It's not the best relationship between father and son, but it is there. He's 17 now. Julian and I will have a relationship in the future. Over the years, he's been able to see through the Beatle image and to see through the image that his mother will have given him, subconsciously or consciously. He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to." PLAYBOY: "You're being very honest about your feelings toward him to the point of saying that Sean is your first child. Are you concerned about hurting him?" LENNON: "I'm not going to lie to Julian. Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So 90 percent of us... that includes everybody... were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday-night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everybody else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me and he always will."

Playboy: I was under the impression that you still weren't seeing Julian much. Lennon: Well, no, he's comin' here over shortly now. I see him whenever he get's off school. Playboy: Has it been hard for him to be John Lennon's kid? Lennon: Yeah, he has his own... Everybody has a cross to bear, and Julian has that cross, and he'll deal with it. He's a clever boy, and as he gets older we can communicate and he'll understand.

[I wasn't sure what upcoming visit John is referring to since I couldn't find one mentioned anywhere. However there is an article in the Daily Mirror from 8 October 1980 including interview passages with Cynthia that mentions Julian currently being in New York. So without any photographic evidence, he isn't in any of the birthday photos, or anecdotes about it, there still might be the possibility that there was a (pre-)birthday visit from Julian to John and Sean in 1980. Julian himself hasn't been completely consistent on when he last saw his Dad. He has said that his '79 birthday visit was their last meeting (which I think is most likely correct), but he also claimed that he was flying out regularly.]

"According to Cynthia, Julian, now 18, plays guitar better than his father. He has left school and is off to New York to stay with his famous dad." Link to the article

In an interview with Jonathan Cott on 5 December John reflects more on the troubles of being a Beatle's son and on how mistakes in his decision for Julian's schooling changed his outlook on his plans for Sean. [Julian had been going to private school since at least 1973.]

"[...] because he can't possibly be an average child, being the son of famous parents. I tried that game with my son Julian, sending him to a comprehensive working-class school, mixing with the people, but the people spat and shit on him, because he was famous, as people are wont to do. So his mother had to finally turn around and tell me to piss off: 'I'm sending him to a private school, the kid is suffering here.' "

Cynthia writes that by the end of 1980 Julian felt a breakthrough in his and his father's relationship. John played Julian songs from his new album over the phone, asking his opinions. source

Julian himself reflects on his and his dad's relationship by the time of his death like this:

"I know that dad's presence will be around for a long time. He was always joking, always sounded happy, which made me think more of him as a friend than a dad. My earliest memory of my father was when I was about three and he sang happy birthday to me. We were living at Weybridge, Surrey, and dad threw a birthday party for me and brought in a long cake shaped like a train and festooned with candles." Sunday Mirror, 5 April 1981

As early as 1982 negative feelings would influence Julian's memory, saying he didn't get to see his father for five years, that he only heard on Birthdays and Christmas from him or that after the first US visit it was again years before he got to go another time, when it was merely months.

"The Beatles sang 'All You Need Is Love' - and that is all I wanted from Dad. It is difficult to explain why I should feel so strongly, when we shared so little. Never once in all the years he lived in America did he even think about coming to see me. Apart from rare visits, I lived from birthdays to Christmas just to hear from him." Julian, 1982

[Those false memories/presentations may have been the result of his beginning break from Yoko around that time and the conflicts about money, or maybe his memories just adapted to the way it was talked about in his family.]

"It was more of one man to another than the usual father and son relationship, because he had been away from me a lot, and he said he realized that. I was just getting through to him and growing up myself and growing out of the silly giggling I did as a young teenager that really annoyed him, when Dad was killed." Julian quoted in Ray Coleman's John bio, pp.620

"Dad was such an influence in my life, it must have been hard on Mum. She'd do her best with presents at birthdays and Christmas, but I always waited for that special present that was bigger than anything else - from him. Yet he never sent anything spontaneously. He'd phone up and ask what I wanted, and it would arrive. I don't think he was trying to buy me in any way. It was just a chance for him to do something for me. He knew I wanted to be a musician and kept telling me to take a long time to get it right. He removed a lot of the stress I suppose other kids might feel. I didn't do very well at school. I don't think I'm dense, but I suppose I'm a bit lazy. There's only one thing I want - to know for sure that Dad loved me as much as I loved him. Or maybe to have him back." Julian, 1982

Edits: 29 April - December 1974 John trial quote added; September 1980 Playboy interview quote added 6 May - added Julian quote about relationship to his father by the time of his death 7 May - added Old Grey Whistle Test clip March 11th 1975 18 May - added info about 3-4 December '79 Daily Mail feature on Julian and Zak, added all the info I could find on any visits in John Green's Dakota Days and multiple notes on to those mentions. 20 May - added Cyn's quote for 28 May 1972. 23 June - added the Tittenhurst floorplan and the link to an extended quote from Julian about being there in German 8 July - added quote from 5 Dec 1980 to Jonathan Cott 20 July - added Julia Baird audio on trying to see Julian for John 1975 22 July - added info on a possible 1980 visit, 1973 interviews, 1976 info, 1980's quote 30 July - Spin interview '75 added, Cynthia quote from Burton Daily Mail '76 added 1 August - added bits from Julian's 1982 article throughout, transcribed some of the jpg quotes, so that I may add more photos, some photos added 4 August - correction in my comments about the likelihood of Dan Richter's children being with them in 1979 19 August - Box of Smile 8 October - Added some postcards, the guitars, reset some photographs because of the picture limit 12 November - Added the video clip from May Pang's doc

#i was suddenly getting nervous that this will just disappear from my drafts. that would annoy me so much. so it get's posted NOW.#i will add stuff to it as i find it but that's how i always do timelines. fill them up over time. and this is already massive.#i just wanted to date one damn thing and this is what happened...#thoughts in progress #john lennon #julian lennon #Youtube

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