#step-by-step book writing guide
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thereadingbud · 8 days ago
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How to Start Writing a Book
It is a big decision to write a book; but when do you know exactly when or how to start writing a book. It usually begins as an idea that won’t let go. A voice inside saying, “What if…?” And yet, many aspiring writers get stuck at the very first question: Where do I even begin? If you’re here, hovering on the edge of that first sentence, know this: You are not alone—and you are exactly where you…
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toutmoi24 · 2 months ago
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Top Tips for Writing a Bestseller: Your 30-Day Plan
How to Write a Bestseller in 30 Days: Step-by-Step Guide Every aspiring author dreams of crafting a bestseller, but the process often feels daunting. Writing a book in 30 days may sound ambitious, but with the right plan and focus, it’s entirely achievable. Whether you’re a first-time writer or an experienced author looking to streamline your process, this guide is tailored to help you succeed.…
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ptts2023 · 2 months ago
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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ANNOUNCEMENT 11 PART 02
Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: April 18, 2025
Table of Contents: Introduction Part 01-09 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 05 Chapter 01 [1.] My Repressed Memories [2.] Miscellaneous Cases On Writing For Animation [3.] PTTS 31 Sexiest Women In the World A. Recaps On The Austere Correction Argument B. How Did I Came Upon The Sexiest Women In The World? C. Mesa College Performance Art Class D. Back To the Sexiest Women
My Repressed Memories
I would argues that back then around 1999. I didn't picture me writing about My Repressed Memories. I thought I would be at countries where spiritual connections is part of the culture. Then, using spiritual connections and meditation to get into spiritual healing sessions. After those spiritual healing sessions, then I would reveals My Repressed Memories. From what I heard, in the Province of Tibet, spiritual connections is part of the culture.
Another way is using the college tradition to find a solution to My Repressed Memories. The following is what I came up with: Go to college. Live in the college dorm. Try not to leave the college campus. Until, I'm an old man. Then, I would let go of My Repressed Memories.
What happen I go through a lot of tough struggles to reveal My Repressed Memories, then I got blamed for revealing My Repressed Memories?
The following is my brainstorm: Maybe after I wrote a few chapters of this healing process, "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness". Then, I felt that I won't get blamed for revealing My Repressed Memories. And/or, I could find forgiveness for revealing My Repressed Memories.
Miscellaneous Cases On Writing For Animation
[How the World Know I Practice Writing For Animation Case 01 Begin]
Around 2013, inside the San Diego Mesa College LRC (Learning Resource Center) building. The LRC building is also known as a library. On the third floor, I was investigated by 2 male police officers. The 2 police officers checked through my backpack. Because I have started collecting pictures of nude women, so I carried a folder with many pictures of nude women inside my backpack.
After those 2 police officers looked through some of those pictures. They placed back inside my backpack. Before they ended the investigation and departed from me, they told me that the staffs of the LRC building monitored everything inside the LRC building.
Coincidentally, around 2005, I have set goal on taking college animation classes at Mesa College. Basically, those college animation classes would able me to know how to becomes an animator. So, I have done a lot of writings to practice on becoming an animator inside the LRC building. Based on what those 2 police officers told me about the LRC staffs monitoring everything inside the LRC building. The LRC staffs know that I have been practicing writing for animation inside the LRC building computer lab. As for collecting pictures of nude women, I started at around 2013.
[How the World Know I Practice Writing For Animation Case 01 End]
[How the World Know I Practice Writing For Animation Case 02 Begin]
December 25, 2011. I have took many College Multimedia Classes including College Animation Classes from 2005-2011. I have served 4 years as the club president of Mesa Multimedia Club from 2008-2011. Also, I have done a lot of practice writing for animation. So, I think it is okay for me to bring up the animator topic in my family gathering.
Coincidentally, I haven't really stay in touch with my family for years of time.
December 25 is Christmas Holiday. I felt like my family, relatives, and friends is like me. Wanting an opportunity to stay in touch again.
The plan is I bring up the animator topic in my family gathering in front of my family, relatives, and friends. Then, my family, relatives, and friends will celebrated that I finally pull through and able to bring up the animator topic. As they are celebrating about me finally able to bring up the animator topic. I would ask them to forgive me for not staying in touch with them for those years of time, because I was busy practicing writing for animation.
If the plan work out, then the family gathering will have more celebrations. And, a chance to stay in touch.
Anyway, during the Christmas family gathering, I went with that plan. Everything seem to work out. Until, I brought up the animator topic. When I brought up that topic, my family, relatives, and friends ignored me. As I insist about wanting their attention and feedbacks. And, don't want them to ignore me. They changed the topic. Or, want me to change the topic.
In summary, the plan didn't work out.
Since I did brought up the animator topic in my family gathering. Mean that if there were anyone in that gathering heard me. Then, they would know that I have been practicing for animation.
[How the World Know I Practice Writing For Animation Case 02 End]
PTTS 31 Sexiest Women In The World
Recaps On The Austere Correction Argument
In "It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 07", "Final Part", I wrote about the Austere Correction Argument. The following is the recaps:
Failure Argument: This argument is your life is finish the moment you got into an Empty Handed Combat fight, purchased your first video game system, joined your first TM Game Tournament, and/or purchase your first magazine that have nude women posting. Finish mean you will live a miserable life as a failure.
Addict Argument: This argument is you became an addict the moment you got into an Empty Handed Combat fight, purchased your first video game system, joined your first TM Game Tournament, and/or purchase your first magazine that have nude women posting.
How Did I Came Upon The Sexiest Women In The World?
I have 2 FHM magazines. The following is the titles: FHM 100 Sexiest Women In The World 2004 & 2011.
I have multiple Maxim Magazines. While flipping through the pages I came upon Maxim Sexiest Women In The World.
I have a Sports Illustrated DVD. From that DVD, I think Sports Illustrated might also have Sports Illustrated Sexiest Women In The World.
Those are a few of the magazine sources that listed the sexiest women in the world.
Anyway, what I wanted to point out in this section. If you are like me been dealing with a lot of bad lucks and adversities in your life.
The only associations you should be occupied with is looking for help. Looking for salvation. Looking for refuge hideout. Looking for sanctuary. And, so on.
To clear the confusions, this section is about the sexiest women in the world. This mean a Penny Saver coupon booklet custom.
From the Austere Correction Argument, the moment I purchased a magazine with nude women posting. My life is finish. This argument would argued that I'm a failure and addict.
If you think I'm total loser and I don't get to point out the sexiest women in the world. Then, you should have left me feedbacks, so I know what you think about me.
If you think I'm too low to able to have people to leave me feedback. Then, I would defend myself with the following: It would be stupid for me to tell you to drive a car into me. It would be more championship to ask you if you want to get into an one-on-one Empty Handed Combat fight against me.
Even if the whole world pretended I have never seen a nude woman before. I would argue if I lied that I have never seen a nude woman before. Then, the world could blackmail me with I'm lying about I have never seen a nude woman before.
I vibe the following arguments:
Argument 01: To appreciate the sexiest women in the world, people buy cars, boats, houses, properties, jewelries, fashionable clothes, and so on for the sexiest women. So, you have to have a lot of money to appreciate sexiest women.
Argument 02: The sexiest women in the world is not just all about the sexy look. Those sexiest women have what it take to be the sexiest women.
The very confusing is very confusing. I would want to have lesser confusions in my life. That is why I'm pointing out the sexiest women in the world.
If you are like me. Your life is very confusing. Then, blamed it on my First Place Championship. Get people to join you. And, start your campaign protesting against First Place Championship.
Anyway, I'm going to list the sexiest women in the world. Please leave me feedbacks to have lesser confusions. I'm going to titled as "PTTS 31 Sexiest Women In the World".
Mesa College Performance Art Class (AKA Theater/Drama Class)
Back around 2013. The bad lucks and adversities in my life have reached much higher than before.
I would argues that I'm too predictable. If people sees that I returned back to the country-side where I came from. Then, I'm complaining about life is unfair.
Yet, that is what I was planning to do. I would argues that I want to leave quietly. And, don't created a lot of problems. But, because I'm too predictable. Just leaving I'm going to create a lot of problems.
I would argues if I created a lot of problems in San Diego to return back to the country-side, then the country-side would probably be forced to accept me back. And, upset at what happen.
The very confusing is I would lie to myself that I'm return to the country-side. Then, half-way, jump off the train. Run into the wilderness.
It is easier to says that it is not that easy to just return to the country-side.
I'm very confused. What happen if I'm like a glass house and people could see that I'm very confused? What happen in the theater a person who is very confused could act like he is not very confused? Could I use the theater stage performance to hide that I'm very confused?
From those questions, on Fall 2013, I step inside San Diego Mesa College theater. Instead of returning back to the country-side.
Maybe I only stop by for 1-2 weeks in the theater. Then, return back to the country-side.
After 1-2 weeks in the theater. I have the following question: Since theater is about acting, could I act like I'm not very confused and stay in the theater for the whole semester?
One day, during the theater 5 minutes breaktime. My theater classmate, Natalia is standing a few yards away from me. She is an experienced stage performer. "Did I do the performance exercise, correctly?" I asked her. Then, she show me what she is think is the more profound way to do that exercise. Then, she offered me half of her grapefruit.
I asked her if she want to be my performance partner? She answered okay. So, I accepted half of her grapefruit. Then, I gave her a compliment that grapefruit is a really healthy fruit.
One weekends, on Saturday, me and her decided to go to Balboa Park. There are multiple highly acclaimed theaters in Balboa Park. To continue our performance together.
After I waited for her about 10 minutes in Balboa Park. I started thinking it is all just a big joke.
I'm a starving student who supposed to return back to the country-side. She an experienced performer. Who could becomes a high class actress.
But, she did show up that day. That whole day I was in disbelieve that she show up. In other words, it is very hard to believe that day could happen to me.
There is a scene from a film. I don't know the title of that film. Also, I don't know the names of the actors. I think that film is filmed around the 1970s or 1980s. I think the film theme song is "Star Bangled Banner". From my memory, I think the actor with the father role look like Robert De Niro. That scene is 2 bystanders (not important people), a father and a son. Walking on the sidewalk one day. Then, an airplane crashed about 100 yards away from those 2 bystanders. There are survivors inside the burning airplane. So the father told his son, "Hold my shoes for me." And, the father ran inside the burning airplane.
I would argues it is hard for me to believe that she show up. But, I did remember she told me, "Hold my shoes for me."
If she didn't show up, then I would get out of the theater class.
After that day I would argues that I got the message. She show up that day is equivalent to the father ran into the burning airplane. To continue with this argument, she running into a burning airplane one time is enough.
To make her don't have to run into a burning airplane, I typed up multiple pages of writing brainstorming about starting a theater club. I passed it out to her and 2 other female theater classmates. Melissa. And, I don't remember the last female theater classmate's name. I think her name is Samantha or Victoria.
Coincidentally, because of the brainstorming about starting a theater club. So, I was carrying a pile of performance art books in both of hands inside the Mesa College LRC building (AKA library). Third floor. To research more about performance art. I ran into Samantha while carrying a pile of performance art books.
So, I started talking with her about those pages that I passed out to her. Then, me and her walk to the theater class together. On the way to the theater class, I would tells her more about my brainstorming on the theater club.
One day, Samantha response to what I told her about the brainstorming on the theater club.
She made a suggestion to me, Natalia, and Melissa to come over to her house. I would argues that suggestion is equivalent to her response. Because if me, Natalia, and Melissa is in her house. Then, I could tells them more about the brainstorming on the theater club.
It is very hard for me to believe. Because I was only brainstorming.
The argument is I still haven't got over with me and Natalia at the Balboa Park. Now, I'm going to Samantha's house with Natalia and Melissa?
So, I quickly thinking on my feet to come up with something really thoughtful to says back to Samantha. "You, Natalia, and Melissa are all in similar performance art level. So, you guys will bond well together. I'll join you guys some other time." I suggested to Samantha.
Anyway, I couldn't stop thinking about Samantha's suggestion. So, the next day. I asked Samantha if she wanted to go to the Mesa College Theater play with me. She said okay.
Again, I waited for her about 10 minutes at the theater place. I started thinking it is all just a big joke.
I'm a starving student who supposed to return back to the country-side. Samantha would argued as having a higher chance than Natalia on becomes a high class actress.
What happen if I buy Samantha her theater's ticket? Does that action mean I'm not acknowledging her chance on becoming a high class actress?
I waited for her at the theater place for 10 minutes, I could have bought her theater ticket for her. Even if she already bought her theater ticket, I could still make refund and get my money back.
When she show up, I walked with her to the ticket booth. Then, she bought her ticket at the ticket booth. Then, she bought a pack of M&M Chocolate.
The argument is I could have bought her chocolate, flowers, and gifts.
But, during the theater play, she shared that pack of M&M Chocolate with me.
While waiting for the theater play to begin. I asked her what she did that day with Natalia and Melissa.
She told me that her, Natalia, and Melissa were watching TV in her house. Then, made suggestion about adopting a pet.
Because of the brainstorming on the theater club, so me, her, Natalia, and Melissa shared our contact information. So, I asked her if she have an Internet social network page. She told me her page. It is either myspace page or facebook page.
After that day, I looked up her page. She did adopted a cat. She named her cat Dexter. I saw a picture she took with an African American movie star, Jaime Fox, on her page. Coincidentally, I courted a girl back in Mission Bay High School (MBHS) years. Her name is Jaime also.
As for Melissa. She is the most beautiful among her, Natalia, and Samantha. So, the argument is she is way out of my league. According to this argument, I'm fantasizing when I'm talking about her. So, it is fantasy when I'm spending time with her?
I would argues since I passed pages of brainstorming on starting the theater club to her. Mean that I have courted her.
One day, me and Natalia acknowledging Melissa's clothes. Then, Melissa told me and Natalia have I seen the movie, Rent. It is about starving performers.
"What Natalia is saying that you could put on random clothes and you could still look good in them." I gave Melissa a compliment.
Toward the end of the semester, when the theater class is over. I called out to Melissa. "Melissa, wait up?" After she stopped walking and waited for me. Me and her got into talk as me and her are walking. In a fantasy world where happiness is reachable, then I would have courted Melissa at the beginning of the semester. Yet, for some reasons I still wanted to have that talk with her toward the end of the semester.
After that theater class ended. I didn't return back to theater class. Also, I didn't return back to the country-side.
In the later chapters, I would go into more details on the events in my life at around 2013.
Back To the Sexiest Women
In summary, meeting Natalia, Samantha, and Melissa is as close as I get to know the sexiest women in the world. This mean I was not in the main stream to know about the sexiest women.
I would argues sexiest women in the world is main stream and current. Also, well funded.
I'm not making fun of myself to list the sexiest women in the world.
If your name is on that list. Then, see it as a compliment. PTTS think you are a sexiest women in the world. Vice-versa, if I excluded your name on the list. Then, PTTS is unofficial, homemade, independence, and self-promote.
From magazine sources, the sexiest women in the world is based on people's surveys including rating, votes, and feedbacks. Also, those magazine sources have insight information including never seen before interviews of the sexiest women. And, privileges.
I don't have those surveys, insight information, and privileges. So, I have to relies on the sexiest women's appearances in pictures including magazines and websites. And, appearances in films, concerts, and so on.
Anyway, I'm assuming you already know about my multimedia history. Example: I have served 4 years as club president of Mesa Multimedia Club. I have wrote a lot in-depth summarization on films. I have collected a lot of films. And, so on.
Even though, I have gathered around 100 filmographies. I have gathered many pictures on the websites. And, watched many interview videos. But, I would argues that because I don't have those surveys, insight information, and privileges. So, PTTS 31 sexiest women in the world is based on my preference on the sexiest women's appearances without knowing much about the sexiest women's history.
To further this argument, my preference on the sexiest women's appearances without knowing much about the sexiest women's history compared with people's surveys, insight information, and privileges. My preference would argued as vague/swallow.
I'm going to narrow down the categories to the following 3 categories: Movie Star, Idol Singer, and Modeling. The sexiest women in the world could be in more than 1 category.
Here is what on PTTS 31 Sexiest Women In the World:
The list of 31 sexiest women in the world with a few lines about the categories those women are known as.
I would create a cover with selected pictures of the sexiest women.
I would create 1 page with pictures of the sexiest women. The completed project is more than 1 page. Because I want to have more time on this healing process, so I'm only going to create 1 page. The rest I will work on it if there are times in my schedule.
In the future, I would list sexy women in adult categories. Because it is adult categories, there are nude sexy women pictures. I will only post up sexy women pictures wearing clothes.
"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 06" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Announcement 11 Part 03.
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scottrandygerber · 6 months ago
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THE KDP EFFECT, Your Blueprint to Self-Publishing Success book is currently available on Amazon by Author Scott Randy Gerber.
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It has been a busy year with all the projects and completing the two books. The latest book is all about self-publishing and is called THE KDP EFFECT and is available on Amazon as of a few days ago. The book covers everything you need to know to be successful using KDP for self publishing.
Are you ready to take your writing career into your own hands and unlock the full potential of Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP)? Whether you're a first-time author or a seasoned writer, this step-by-step guide will teach you how to self-publish like a pro and turn your book into a global bestseller. Inside The KDP Effect, you’ll learn:
How to effortlessly navigate the Amazon KDP platform.Discover the Secrets to Self-Publishing Success with The KDP Effect!
Proven strategies for writing, formatting, and publishing a professional-quality book.
Expert tips on creating a stunning book cover that grabs readers’ attention.
Advanced marketing techniques to boost your book’s visibility and sales.
How to establish your author brand and build a loyal reader base.
Strategies for earning passive income through your books.
From crafting your manuscript to seeing your book rank in Amazon’s bestseller lists, this guide is your blueprint to self-publishing success. With real-world examples, actionable insights, and tools tailored for today’s digital author, The KDP Effect will empower you to bring your story to life. Take the first step toward becoming a self-published author today. Your audience is waiting!
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girlwithrituals · 8 months ago
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GLOW UP GUIDE FOR 2025⠀
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READ: On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And considering that 2025 is precisely these many days away, why not start with our glow up plan already?
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Physical Glow Up-
BODY
— 5-10K steps a day.
— 7-8 hours of sleep.
— workout everyday for 1 hr atleast- yoga/stretching/pilates/cardio/lifting weights. a workout may take one hour, but your mood will be boosted for the next 12 hours.
— posture training.
— sunlight exposure after waking up for at least 10 minutes.
NUTRITION
— 2-3 liters of water every day.
— limit your caffeine intake.
— avoid sugars as much as you can.
— high protein diet, pre and probiotics.
— more fruits and veggies (+ green smoothies if you like).
— no junk/processed food/trans fat.
— no eating after 8 pm.
SKINCARE
— be clear on your skin type (oily, dry, combination, sensitive).
— once you're clear, use these accordingly- cleanser, toner, targeted serum, eye cream, moisturizer, sunscreen (≥50 spf).
— keep your bedding clean as well.
— no picking of skin on your lips, cuticle etc.
— gua sha to help improve blood circulation and lessen toxins.
— cold therapy may take three to five minutes of being uncomfortable, but your energy levels will be boosted for the rest of the day.
— remove makeup before you go to bed.
BODY CARE
— shower every day.
— exfoliate 2x a week.
— use body lotion (shea butter/aloe vera gel/coconut oil).
HAIR CARE
— wash hair 2-3x a week
— oil your scalp 2x a week, at least 3 hours before shampoo.
— hair mask 1x per week.
— never brush wet hair.
— use silk pillow case.
HYGIENE
— brush your teeth 2x a day, clean tongue and the roof of the mouth daily.
— floss daily.
— cut your nails 1x a week, never remove the cuticles.
— glycolic acid under arm for odor and discoloration.
— never use soap on your coochie.
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Mental Glow Up-
MINDSET
— set clear goals- define and breakdown your aspirations.
— start your mornings with positive affirmations.
— surround yourself with uplifting content and people.
— be shamelessly selfish to your career and mental health, remove anyone or anything that doesn't align with your priorities and wellbeing.
— boost your brain health by these 4 neuroscience tools:
difficult first: start your day with the most difficult task (cortisol and dopamine are high in the body meaning that your body/mind is primed to work).
rest your eyes: introduce a micro-pause after learning by resting/closing your eyes - will help retain information better.
tomorrow's worries: write tomorrow's to-do list before bed as it is proven to be effective in helping you fall asleep.
find time to play: engage in low-stake play. can be anything you find fun but where the outcome doesn't matter (induces neuroplasticity + reduces stress).
MIND
— meditation might take as low as ten minutes, but your focus will be improved for the rest of the day.
— no social media after waking up and at least an hour before bed.
— keep aside 1 hr of time to read daily! reading a new book may take five hours, but you will keep the knowledge forever.
— journaling, gratitude.
— digital detox once a week or for 12 hours.
— limit unnecessary screentime, unfollow or cut off people you don't want to see.
JOURNALING
— choose a regular time each day to journal, making it a part of your routine.
— find a quiet, comfortable place free from distractions. light a candle if you want.
— allow your thoughts to flow without censoring or editing.
— write about your feelings and emotions to understand them better. write about things you are thankful for to boost your mood. write about your short-term and long-term goals. identify what triggers certain emotions or reactions
— set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write continuously during that time.
— reflect on both positive experiences and challenges.
— make lists, journal your thoughts on these questions.
— journal at night to clear your mind before bedtime, because emotions and thoughts lose their power once we acknowledge them.
— a gratitude practice may take five minutes, but your mindset will be shifted for the rest of the day.
AFFIRMATIONS
— customise affirmations to your needs.
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Personal Life-
WEEKLY TASKS
— initiate small changes: begin with small, manageable tasks such as making your bed or cleaning your room every sunday.
— celebrate your success: reward yourself when you achieve your goals or have a consistently productive week. consider treats like buying flowers for yourself or watching your favorite show.
DAILY WORK
— set achievable goals: establish realistic goals for the day, week, or month ahead.
— track your progress.
— organise your work space, declutter your shelves etc.
— embrace the power of lists: keep a list of tasks to be done and their deadlines. this way, you start each day with a clear plan. to make it visually appealing and motivating, consider using productivity apps like evernote, habit tracker, or notion.
PRODUCTIVITY TIPS
— wake up early.
— plan ahead everything, do scheduling. you can use:
google calendar / notion / tasks .
— if the task takes less than 2 minutes to finish, do it immediately.
— countdown rule, if you are procrastinating, count 1-2-3-4-5 and jump.
— start slow, don't rush and try to do everything at one time.
— follow a proper routine, use app locks based on screentime.
— pomodoro technique, 25 min work, and 5 min break.
— schedule longer break times as well e.g 30 min nap.
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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 1 year ago
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for whom good omens is being written
Hey maggots and the rest of the fandom, it's the Good Omens Mascot here. Today I read a post about this tweet:
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The accompanying video genuinely made me cry. And I've been thinking about this for a long while, as far back as February, when I saw a lot of conflicting opinions on what people wanted from the third season. It really is true that no matter what you do, some people will be dissatisfied. But what matters is that Neil is writing this for Terry.
And I was reminded of some paragraphs from the Good Omens TV Companion, which I'd read in Amazon's sample excerpt of the book. I know this is a long post, but I really truly do think you all need to read these, I've done my best to select only the most important parts. Here you go:
'His Alzheimer's started progressing harder and faster than either of us had expected,' says Neil, referring to a period in which Terry recognized that despite everything he could no longer write. 'We had been friends for over thirty years, and during that time he had never asked me for anything. Then, out of the blue, I received an email from him with a special request. It read: “Listen, I know how busy you are. I know you don't have time to do this, but I want you to write the script for Good Omens. You are the only human being on this planet who has the passion, love and understanding for the old girl that I do. You have to do this for me so that I can see it." And I thought, “OK, if you put it like that then I'll do it."
'I had adapted my own work in the past, writing scripts for Death: The High Cost of Living and Sandman, but not a lot else was seen. I'd also written two episodes of Doctor Who, and so I felt like I knew what I was doing. Usually, having written something once I'd rather start something new, but having a very sick co-author saying I had to do this?' Neil spreads his hands as if the answer is clear to see. 'I had to step up to the plate.' A pause, then: 'All this took place in autumn 2014, around the time that the BBC radio adaptation of Good Omens was happening,' he continues, referring to the production scripted and co-directed by Dirk Maggs and starring Peter Serafinowicz and Mark Heap. ‘Terry had talked me into writing the TV adaptation, and I thought OK, I have a few years. Only I didn't have a few years,' he says. 'Terry was unconscious by December and dead by March.'
He pauses again. 'His passing took all of us by surprise,' Neil remembers. 'About a week later, I started writing, and it was very sad. The moments Terry felt closest to me were the moments I would get stuck during the writing process. In the old days, when we wrote the novel, I would send him what I'd done or phone him up. And he would say, "Aahh, the problem, Grasshopper, is in the way you phrase the question," and I would reply, "Just tell me what to do!" which somehow always started a conversation. 'In writing the script, there were times I'd really want to talk to Terry, and also places where I'd figure something out and do something really clever, and I would want to share it with him. So, instead, I would text Terry's former personal assistant, Rob Wilkins, now his representative on Earth. It was the nearest thing I had.'
(...) As Neil himself recognizes, this is an adaptation built upon the confidence that comes from three decades of writing for page and screen. But for all the wisdom of experience, he found that above all one factor guided him throughout the process. 'Terry isn't here, which leaves me as the guardian of the soul of the story,' he explains. 'It's funny because sometimes I found myself defending Terry's bits harder or more passionately than I would defend my own bits. Take Agnes Nutter,' he says, referring to what has become a key scene in the adaptation in which the seventeenth-century author of the book of prophecies foretelling the coming of the Antichrist is burned at the stake. ‘It was a huge, complicated and incredibly expensive shoot, with bonfires built and primed to explode as well as huge crowds in costume. It had to feel just like an English village in the 1640s, and of course everyone asked if there was a cheap way of doing it. 'One suggestion was that we could tell the story using old-fashioned woodcuts and have the narrator take us through what happened, but I just thought, “No”. Because I had brought aspects of the story like Crowley and the baby swap along to the mix, and Terry created Agnes Nutter. So, if I had cut out Agnes then I wouldn't be doing right by the person who gave me this job. Terry would've rolled over in his grave.'
And, finally, this paragraph:
"Once again, Neil cites the absence of his co-writer as his drive to ensure that Good Omens translated to the screen and remained true to the original vision. 'Terry's last request to me was to make this something he would be proud of. And so that has been my job.'"
I think that's so heartwrenchingly beautiful, and so I wanted you all to read this, too, just in case you (like me) don't have the Good Omens TV Companion. It adds another layer of depth and emotion to this already complex and amazing story that we all know and love.
Share this post, if you can, please, so that more people can read these excerpts :")
Tagging @neil-gaiman, @fuckyeahgoodomens and @orpiknight, even if you've definitely read these before :)
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highladyluck · 1 year ago
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The Dungeon Meshi renaissance is making me want to share the resources that taught me how to cook.
Don’t forget, you can check out cookbooks from the library!
Smitten Kitchen: The rare recipe blog where the blog part is genuinely good & engaging, but more important: this is a home cook who writes for home cooks. If Deb recommends you do something with an extra step, it’s because it’s worth it. Her recipes are reliable & have descriptive instructions that walk you through processes. Her three cookbooks are mostly recipes not already on the site, & there are treasures in each of them.
Six Seasons: A New Way With Vegetables by Joshua McFadden: This is a great guide to seasonal produce & vegetable-forward cooking, and in addition to introducing me to new-to-me vegetables (and how to select them) it quietly taught me a number of things like ‘how to make a tasty and interesting puréed soup of any root veggie’ and ‘how to make grain salads’ and ‘how to make condiments’.
Grains for Every Season: Rethinking Our Way With Grains by Joshua McFadden: in addition to infodumping in grains, this codifies some of the formulas I picked up unconsciously just by cooking a lot from the previous book. I get a lot of mileage out of the grain bowl mix-and-match formulas (he’s not lying, you can do a citrus vinaigrette and a ranch dressing dupe made with yogurt, onion powder, and garlic powder IN THE SAME DISH and it’s great.)
SALT, FAT, ACID, HEAT by Samin Nosrat: An education in cooking theory & specific techniques. I came to it late but I think it would be a good intro book for people who like to front-load on theory. It taught me how to roast a whole chicken and now I can just, like, do that.
I Dream Of Dinner (so you don’t have to) by Ali Slagle: Ok, look, an important part of learning to cook & cooking regularly is getting kinda burned out and just wanting someone else to tell you what to make. These dinners work well as written and are also great tweakable bases you can use as a starting place.
If you have books or other resources that taught you to cook or that you find indispensable, add ‘em on a reblog.
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campaaronapollo · 2 years ago
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tbaluver · 3 months ago
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HELLLOOOOOOO
I just read a book where the mcs husband freaks out over her water breaking and I was wondering, how would the lads acc react???? It’s ok if you dont want to write about it but i just wanna say that i REALLLLLYYYYY love the work you’re doing!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
"My Water Broke!"- The Love And DeepSpace Men
parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader, Caleb x Reader summary: how they react when your water breaks and what they would do after a/n: HIHI again my angel !! ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ PLS you're always so sweet omg thank you so much MWAH MWAH currently kicking my feet reading that, thank you for reading my works ♡(˃͈ ˂͈ ) i hope i did this justice and i hope this was alright ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ enjoy reading ! (∩˃o˂∩)♡ any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!
⋆。‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧。⋆
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Xavier:
The snack in your hand falls to the ground, your appetite disappears when a sharp ache shoots through your lower abdomen. You gasp, clutching your stomach as water drops down your legs. Your eyes meet Xavier’s, your face flushed with a mixture of embarrassment and pain.
It took Xavier a moment to fully process the situation, panic quickly replacing his usual calm demeanor. He rushes beside you, his voice frantic as he asks a flurry of questions. “Are you okay? How much does it hurt? Can you stand? Can you walk?”
He helps you step carefully out of the small puddle that formed at your feet, his hand gently on your back and your arm as he tries to steady you. “It’s alright, I’m here. I’m here. ” He murmurs, hoping it would reassure you in some way.
He tries to remain as calm as he can but panic is surging through his body that he fails to hide it. He hates to see you in so much pain and the urgency to get you to the hospital only makes his worries worse. He quickly helps you to the transport to the hospital, his hand on you the entire time.
He thought maybe it would be best to teleport you there instantly but with you being so far along in your pregnancy, he isn’t sure how safe that would be. The last thing he wants is to take any chances with you or the baby.
When you both arrived at the hospital, Xavier remained beside you at all times until the pain started getting worse. He asked nurses, doctors, anyone who could help you for anything, anything at all, that might bring you some type of temporary relief to take the relentless pain away from you. His voice raised slightly as he spoke to anyone in the hospital, growing increasingly impatient when no one came in to help you even if it was just a minute.
When the nurses finally arrived a minute late, the tension in his head seemed to ease just a tad bit. “Is there anything else I can get/ do for you?” His hand found yours immediately, rubbing soothing circles on the back of your hand. “I think our little prince is eager to come home.”
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Zayne:
One thing about Zayne is that he’s always prepared. Always.
The second your water breaks, panic doesn’t register on his face, mostly concern. He stays calm as he gently places a hand on your back, guiding each step to the car. He reassures you the entire way there, urging you to take deep breaths with him as best as you can. The labor bag that had been waiting by the front door months in advance, was already slung over his shoulder, just like he planned. Not a minute to waste.
As soon as he starts the car, his hand finds yours immediately, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of your hand. He keeps his focus on the road but his attention never shifts away from you. 
While he effortlessly drives through the streets, he calls his parents to let them know that you’re both on your way. He listens to their excited congratulations on the other end and he can’t help but crack a smile knowing that you both will meet your little angel soon. The call ends after they mention that they will meet you both there soon.
The drive there felt like an eternity but Zayne remains calm, reminding you to breathe deeply, guiding you through each contraction with the same techniques he’s practiced with you countless times. “Deep breath in..now breathe out. That’s it, you’re doing well. We’re almost there.”
As soon as you pull into the hospital, the nurses are ready to escort you to your private labor room and tend to your needs the moment they see Zayne enter the building. The nurses are aware of his status in the hospital and the last thing they want to do is make a misstep to the chief’s surgeon’s wife during such a crucial time. 
“She might need an epidural or an IV pain relief if her contractions intensify” The nurses squeak, rethinking if they’re even doing their job right in front of such a high-ranking and respected figure in the hospital.
Zayne gives a brief nod. “I’ll notify you if she does,” He responds, before giving his full attention back to you. His hand immediately finds yours again, gently brushing a few stray strands of hair from your face. “How are you feeling now, my love? Is there anything I can do for you?”
He listens to any issues you have, any fears, even the most irrational ones, with the utmost care. He reassures you over and over again, not minding every single one you tell him. “I’ll stay here with you the entire time. I won’t leave either of you.” He murmurs, his eyes locking with yours.
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Rafayel:
may his lemurian ancestors save him.
The moment his eyes caught water drops dripping between your legs, his breath hitched. Time seemed to stop and the world around him was shrinking to nothing but the sound of his frantic heartbeat, the realization that it was finally happening. It was time.
His voice was a jumbled mess of panic as he stammered to ask if you were okay and he already knew you weren’t but his mind was racing a hundred miles a minute, frantic thoughts were colliding with each other. It was as if he was also going into labor as well.
He scrambled to help you up, trying to figure out where his keys were and his phone and the labor and delivery bag and- no. His brain finally caught up to him. You both decided that since your baby would have Lemurian blood so water birth was the best way to go.
With trembling hands, he guides you toward the bathroom. He would try to sound reassuring as possible but you can still hear the slight panic and worry in his voice as he urges you toward the large bathtub. He had planned this with you months ago, every detail and every thought, but now it felt like everything was happening too fast.
He settled you into the warm water, his heart pounding as he dialed his Aunt Talia’s number. The moment she picked up, she didn’t even need him to explain, his incoherent sentences made sense enough.
Once the call ended, Rafayel’s went to work to make sure you were comfortable and to make you feel more at ease. He fanned your face urgently, trying to cool the beads of sweat forming along your temple. His hands would later move to massage your hands, your feet, your thighs, anything to soothe you.
“Are you okay? How are the contractions? Does it hurt a lot?” His eyes were wide, filled with concern. He listened to any of your needs, reassuring you the best that he could. “Do you want me to talk to our little glubs? Maybe they’re being a little too rough in there.” He never fails to lighten the mood, your lips tugging into a small smile even at such a crucial time.
He moves behind you, adjusting your hair and wiping away any sweat. “You’re going to be a great mother y'know.” He murmurs, resting his chin on your shoulder as his hands drift down to rest on your swollen belly.
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Sylus:
“Sy-!” You gasp, clutching your belly as the water trickles down your legs. Sylus is immediately by your side the moment his eyes notice the puddle forming at your feet.
“I’m here,” he murmurs, his hand gently resting on your back to steady you. “Our little dove is ready to leave her nest?” A faint smile curves on his lips but the worry in his eyes is palpable as he quickly connects with Mephisto to contact the twins to prepare the car.
He helps guide you to the vehicle, supporting you as you slowly settle in. Once you were, his hands found yours again. “You’re doing great, just breathe with me.” He says softly. “Remember the breathing exercises we learned?” You huff in shallow breaths, sweat beading on your forehead. You nod rapidly, the pain tensing up with every contraction.
“Good, good just breathe with me,” Sylus encourages, letting you squeeze his hand tighter with each wave of pain. He remains unfazed no matter how tightly you wrapped your hands around his. He stays calm for you, even though his nerves try to threaten to unravel.
“You’re doing so well, just a little longer alright?” His fingers brush stray strands of hair from your face, wiping the beads of sweat from your forehead. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you..” He murmurs, one hand on your belly, hoping your little dove will make it easy for you in the end.
The moment you arrive at the hospital, you’re swiftly escorted to a private labor and delivery room that Sylus had personally arranged for you. He made sure you had the best doctors and the most experienced nurses at your beck and call. If any nurse fails to meet your needs, he’ll take note of it, but right now, none of that matters. What matters is you and your little one.
Throughout the entire process, he stays with you, only leaving your side momentarily to order the twins to get something for him. Sylus would be observant of your needs and respond accordingly, letting you squeeze tightly on his hand or letting him help adjust your position. 
He can't wait for his little dove to meet her mother. Although his gaze is filled with concern, there’s a flicker of adoration in his eyes. He knows the depth of your strength but witnessing how you’ve stayed resilient for your little daughter throughout the past nine months has made him rethink just how powerful you truly are. He knows deep down she would look up to you just from how strong you are.
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Caleb:
You groaned, the pain surging through your body in waves. A whimper escapes your lips as your hands instinctively curl around your swollen belly. Caleb was at your side in an instant, his eyes catching the sight of the wet pool on the floor. His heart skipped a beat as he realized your water had broken.
He leaned beside you, his arms wrapping around you. “Hey...Hey, I’ve got you,” he murmurs, brushing your hair from your face. “I’m right here. We’re gonna get you to the hospital alright, pipsqueak?”
His heart felt like it was pounding out of his chest. The drive to the hospital felt endless, each second felt like it stretched on for hours. Every time he stopped at a red light, he glanced over at you. “Breathe pipsqueak..You’re doing great. We’re almost there.” His brow furrowed in concern every time you gasped in pain and how your body tensed with contractions.
You squeezed his hand tighter with each wave of pain, your face contorting in agony and it made his heart absolutely ache. He wished with every fiber of his body that he could take away your pain and carry it for you. But all he could do for now was stay by your side. “Almost there..Just a little longer okay?” 
When you finally arrived at the hospital, Caleb was there beside you. The moment the nurse helped you settle into your private labor room, his emotions broke free. The reality of it all was too much to hold in.
As he sat beside you, tears welled up in his eyes, his voice shaky. “Thank you..thank you for giving me this,” he whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of your knuckles. He never thought this moment would come and to know that your little baby was on his way was making this dream of having a future with you turn into a reality.
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ʚɞ cr. for the divider @/ cafekitsune
ʚɞ thank you to my beta reader @ilovemitsuya hehe MWAH <3
ʚɞ my other works if you want to check it out! Love and DeepSpace Masterlist, Pg.2
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excusemyobsessions · 4 months ago
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I missed you.
Sylus x MC/You/Reader
Genre: One shot, Fluff, Comfort, Gender neutral Word count: 1190 words
Little note: I was requested to write a scenario in which you haven't seen Sylus for a while and he's all cuddly because he missed you. I hope this teeth-rotting fluff will make up for the angst I posted last time! 🙏🏻
Warning: use of pet names (kitten, sweetie), teeth-rotting fluff, manhandling?
Also posted on AO3.
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It had been quite the week. Work had been kicking your ass and you were exhausted.
You hadn't even been able to see Sylus all week. Yes, you texted and called but he was really busy and so were you. You weren't sure you'd be able to see him during your off time either.
A long sigh escaped you when you checked your phone for the hundredth time for a reply that wasn't there.
‘Will I be able to see you soon?’, you'd asked.
The text was marked as read.
You set down your phone and dragged yourself off to the living room.
You were pouting by then, emotions heightened by exhaustion. Plopping down on the couch, you didn't even turn on the TV, just sitting there, arms crossed under your chest, sulking away the time.
You missed Sylus; you missed that confident smirk of his and his sharp eyes. You missed his deep voice and the bite of his words.
You felt like a child, throwing a tantrum, just sitting there, staring off into nothing. But there was no one there to see.
“He's not even here,” you grumbled to yourself.
Finally, you grabbed the remote and then the blanket draped over the back of the couch, tossing it over your legs.
The plan was simple; sulk away the night while watching one of your comfort movies. Hopefully you’d fall asleep soon so you wouldn’t have to miss him like you did.
You’d barely chosen the movie when you heard someone knock on your door. One of your eyebrows lifted, half annoyed, half intrigued, and you stood up to open the door.
Sylus stood there in the hallway, a black wool coat draped over his shoulders, the first few buttons of his also black sateen shirt undone, revealing his sharp collarbone. Rich crimson gaze lifted up to meet yours when you opened the door and he smirked. One of his hands rested on the door frame and slightly leaned over as he was, his tall frame loomed over you. His white hair was messy, windswept.
“Sylus?” you yipped, surprised.
“Hmm, hello, sweetie,” he purred.
He lunged forward, making you walk backwards a few steps as he stepped into your apartment, shutting the door behind him. Long arms engulfed your frame instantly, even before it clicked shut. You were wrapped up in his warmth and the scent of his expensive perfume.
Craving his presence as you had been, you buried your nose against his collarbone and nuzzled into him. Your hands coiled into the fabric of his shirt.
“You never answered my text,” you mumbled against his skin.
Your tone was accusatory as he had indeed left you sulking by yourself. However, you made no motion to pull away.
“I did answer it. I told you I was on my way,” he answered.
His hand found its way into your hair, fingers sprawled out against your scalp, holding you against him.
Did he?
Now you were embarrassed.
“I never saw it,” you admitted, hiding your face in his neck.
Slowly, gently, he guided the two of you to the couch.
In one quick motion, he leaned down, hooked one arm behind your knees and scooped you up. Soon enough you were placed on his lap after he sat down on the couch. He spread his legs a little and you fell in the space in between them. 
You saw his scrutinizing gaze sweep across the TV and the bunched up blanket before it landed on you.
There was mirth in his eyes.
“Were you sulking here all by yourself?”
Sometimes, you hated how he could read you just like an open book all the damn time.
“No…” you lied, averting your gaze.
He chuckled, low and mellow.
“Come here, kitten, there’s no need for sulking anymore.”
He draped the blanket over the both of you and wrapped you up in his arms, caged against his large chest. He hadn't even removed his coat, it was still barely hanging off his shoulders.
You dipped your head down and nuzzled his neck, feeling his chest rise and fall with a long sigh. When you slipped one hand up his chest to rest on his shoulder, you felt the tension in his muscles fade, his long legs stretching out. It was as if he'd been coiled up the whole time he was without you and he was finally, finally relaxing.
You pressed a kiss to his neck, feeling the steady beat of his heart against your lips. His grip around you tightened comfortably and he responded by planting a kiss on your hairline.
Slowly, you peeled yourself away from his neck and sat up straight so you could see his face. His features were calm, his gaze tender, and he watched you with a small smile.
You lifted your hands to cradle his jaw between them, caressing his cheeks with your thumbs. Sylus leaned into your touch and let his face rest on the palms of your hands, turning just a little to plant a kiss over your love line.
Still holding his face with one hand, you allowed the other to move further up, gently pushing a few strands of white hair away from his eye. His eyelids fluttered shut.
You couldn't help but smile.
“You're really cuddly today,” you noted, running your fingers through his hair. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“Even if you were, I wouldn't let you go,” he answered instantly, giving your waist a little demonstrative squeeze.
You giggled and leaned closer to press a kiss to his forehead. He hummed his appreciation.
As you continued running your fingers through his hair, you felt his long fingers slip into the hem of your shirt and sprawl themselves out against your back. His skin was warm and his digits calloused. His gentle touch was tender, full of love which was spread over the extent of your whole back as he explored your skin further.
You kissed the tip of his nose and then the bridge.
“It's been far too long, kitten. I missed you,” he told you in hushed tones.
He opened his eyes then, to gaze into yours and there was no place you'd rather be than right there, lost in that ruby ocean.
You cupped his face between your hands and rested your forehead against his.
“I missed you too,” you confessed in a whisper. 
You could see how his eyes shone with a smile. Your own lips curved in a reflective smile.
His eyelids fell over his eyes and his mouth found yours. The kiss was slow, gentle, dragged out as if you were reminding each other of what you tasted like, what you felt like. As if you could ever forget.
Your heart beat steadily in your chest, beaming in comfort, wrapped up in the security his hold offered. 
“Will you stay tonight?” you asked against his lips.
“Unless you throw me out the door, I don't plan on leaving your side for the next two days,” he responded, stealing another kiss from your mouth.
You had no plan to kick him out either.
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gf2bellamy · 3 months ago
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Hi there!! Could you write about the moment Spencer realized reader was his everything? I think this sort of thing happens during a really mundane part of the day and it HITS him. Then shes staring at him, like, dude are you okay? I realize this is prob a bit vague but I trust you with this!! 
everything — spencer reid
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: established relationship, ( emotional ) fluff fluff fluff <3 a/n: hi hi ! i hope this is what you asked for :)
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Spencer was sprawled across the couch, his head resting against the armrest as he read his book.
You watched him for a moment, your arms crossed as you leaned against the doorway, an amused smile tugging at your lips. It wasn’t unusual for Spencer to lose himself in a book, but even you had your limits when it came to late-night reading marathons.
“Spencer,” you dragged out his name. “Are you done reading ? ”
He didn’t look up immediately, too engrossed in his book. You stepped closer, now standing directly above him, your shadow falling over the pages of his book. Finally, he blinked, tilting his head back to look at you, upside down from his position, and his lips curled into a smile that never failed to make your stomach flutter.
“Why?” he asked, though his voice told you he already knew the answer.
You pointed at the clock on the wall. “Because it’s 2 a.m., and I’m sleepy,” you said, punctuating your words with a gentle boop to the tip of his nose.
Spencer’s nose scrunched slightly at the contact, but his smile only widened.Rounding the couch, you finally saw him the right way up, his hair slightly mussed from how he’d been lying. You plucked the book from his hands, ignoring his half-hearted, protesting noise as you slipped the handmade bookmark, the one you’d gifted him after your second date, between the pages to save his place.The memory of that day flashed in your mind, his surprised, delighted grin when you’d handed it to him, the way his fingers had traced the stitching. Even now, the sight of it nestled between the pages sent a warm rush through your chest.
Spencer had pushed himself upright, his fingers flexing slightly in the absence of his book, but the moment you turned back to him, his feigned annoyance melted away. Your fingers brushed against his, and he let you pull him up from the couch with ease.
“Let’s just go to bed, pleaseee,” you whined, pressing yourself against him in a brief, clinging hug, your face buried in the soft fabric of his sweater.His arms wrapped around you instinctively, one hand smoothing over your back.
“Okay, okay,” he relented against your hair. With a small sigh, he pulled away just enough to guide you down the hallway, his fingers still intertwined with yours, his thumb tracing absent circles over your knuckles. Spencer flicked the light on in the bathroom with his free hand, the sudden brightness making you squint for a moment before your eyes adjusted.
“What were you reading, by the way?” you asked, leaning against the doorframe as he stepped inside.
Spencer’s lips quirked up at the question, not because it was unexpected, but because he loved that you always asked. Even when he rambled about obscure historical facts or complex scientific theories, you listened.
“Just rereading War and Peace,” he admitted as he reached for your toothbrush.
You snorted. “Pretty sure you say that at least ten times a week.”
He chuckled, squeezing the toothpaste onto the bristles before handing it over. “Twelve, actually,” he corrected lightly.
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t suppress the smile tugging at your lips as you began brushing your teeth, leaning into Spencer’s side for balance as exhaustion crept back in. Your eyelids fluttered, heavy with sleep, and you swayed slightly, your shoulder pressing against his arm.Spencer watched you in the mirror, his gaze soft as he brushed his own teeth at a slower pace. A loose strand of your hair had fallen forward, dangerously close to catching a glob of toothpaste, and he reached over, gently tucking it behind your ear with careful fingers.
You caught his movement in the reflection and turned your head slightly, meeting his eyes in the mirror. With a mouth full of foam, you gave him the best toothpaste-grin you could muster, lopsided and ridiculous, and Spencer’s nose crinkled as he laughed around his own toothbrush.
And that’s when it hit him.
Crash was a better word.
His movements stopped. Completely.
You barely noticed at first, too busy spitting out your toothpaste and rinsing your brush before leaning against him, your eyelids heavy with exhaustion. But Spencer hadn’t moved. His toothbrush hung limply in his hand, foam still in his mouth, his wide, honey-brown eyes fixed on your reflection in the mirror.
The love, raw and overwhelming, spread through him like wildfire, burning away every coherent thought. It settled in his chest, made his heart ache in a way that was almost painful. It wasn’t just affection. It wasn’t just comfort. It was the kind of love that terrified him, not because he feared it, but because it was so big, so all-consuming, that he didn’t know how to contain it.
You had practically closed your eyes by now, swaying slightly on your feet as you rested against him, but even in your half-asleep state, you noticed. Spencer always took longer to brush his teeth, but this was different.
“Spence?” Your voice pulled him from his trance. His gaze flickered to yours in the mirror.
Finally, he spit out the toothpaste, rinsed his mouth, and set his toothbrush down with deliberate slowness. Then he turned to you fully, his hands hovering at your waist like he wasn’t sure whether to pull you closer or memorize every detail of this moment.
“You—” His voice cracked. He swallowed, tried again.
Your eyebrows furrowed. “I what?” You reached up absently to straighten the collar of his shirt, your fingers brushing against his warm skin, but your eyes never left his.
Spencer exhaled, shaky and soft, as if the breath had been punched out of him. His hands finally settled on your hips, fingers curling lightly into the fabric of your sleep shirt.There was a long silence. You didn’t rush him. You just rested your palms against his chest.
And then, after a minute that stretched into eternity, he spoke. “I love you.”
A smile tugged at your lips immediately, automatic, because this wasn’t new. This was a phrase woven into the fabric of your lives, whispered against skin and murmured in the dark, a truth as constant as the stars. You opened your mouth to say it back, but Spencer wasn’t finished.
“Like so much,” he continued. His hand slipped from your hip, trembling slightly as it cradled your face instead, his thumb brushing over the curve of your cheekbone. “More than I’ll ever be able to put into words.”
His eyes, wide, earnest and devoted, searched yours, as if begging you to understand the depth of what he couldn’t articulate.
"Statistically, the human language has approximately 170,000 words in active use, but none of them—none of them—come close to..." His words trailed off as his brow furrowed in that particular way it did when his brilliant mind was racing faster than his mouth could follow. His fingertips continued their delicate exploration of your face, tracing the curve of your eyebrow, the slope of your nose, the bow of your lip , as if trying to memorize you through touch alone.
When he spoke again, his voice was softer.
"The human heart beats approximately 100,000 times per day." His thumb brushed over your cheekbone. "Mine...mine stutters every time you smile at me. And there are also roughly 37.2 trillion cells in the human body," his fingers ghosted along your jawline, "and I'm certain every single one of mine is wired to recognize you."
When he finished his small speech, he booped your nose gently, mirroring your earlier gesture. But where your touch had been playful, his was trembling slightly.
You stared at him, any lingering sleepiness instantly burned away. Just two minutes ago you'd been swaying on your feet with exhaustion; now you were wide awake.
"Spencer, what—" Your voice broke as you bit your lip, suddenly overwhelmed. The tears that had been threatening at the corners of your sleepy eyes now spilled over, tracing warm paths down your cheeks that his thumbs immediately moved to catch.
"I didn't mean to make you cry," he mumbled softly, a slight pout forming on his lips even as his own eyes glistened with unshed tears.
"Spencer Reid," you breathed between watery laughs, "you just made the most romantic declaration on earth and you expect me not to cry?" Your voice cracked as another tear escaped, this one catching on your smile.
His fingers followed its path, brushing against the curve of your lip where it had landed.
Your hands found their way to his wrists. "You literally calculated your love for me in cellular biology and cardiology."
"I was just stating facts," he murmured, a smile playing at his lips. His thumbs continued their gentle sweeping motions across your cheeks, catching each new tear as it fell. You brought his knuckles to your lips, pressing a kiss there.
"I'm not a genius like you," you admitted after a long pause, still trying to reconcile the enormity of what he'd confessed in your bathroom at 2 AM. "But I do love you so much it feels like..."
Your free hand came up to rest over his heart, feeling its steady rhythm beneath your palm. "Like every time you walk into a room, my whole body sighs in relief. Like my lungs remember how to breathe when you're near. Like..." You hesitated, searching his face. "Like if someone asked me to define home, I'd just say your name."
Spencer's breath caught audibly, his fingers tightening around yours almost imperceptibly. In the golden bathroom light, you watched as his Adam's apple bobbed. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough with emotion: "That's...remarkably precise for someone who claims not to be a genius." The joke broke the tension, and you both laughed.
"We should..." He gestured vaguely toward the bedroom, his usual eloquence failing him for once.
You nodded, squeezing his hand. "Yeah. Let's go to bed, genius."
And when he followed without hesitation, his fingers lacing through yours , you realized some truths didn’t need equations or calculations to be undeniable.
Love wasn’t measured in heartbeats or cells.
It was measured in this: in the way he reached for you, after baring his soul. In the way his shoulders relaxed the moment your head settled against his chest. In the quiet certainty that no matter how many late nights or early mornings awaited you both, he’d always be there, book in hand, heart in his eyes, waiting for you to pull him back to where he belonged.
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sunnami · 1 year ago
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❝we can't be friends (wait for your love.)❞
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[credits to @artofpan for the lovely art! title is taken from ariana grande's song, we can't be friends.]
summary. fortune favours the bold, so they say. but you're an awkward ravenclaw in yearning.
pairing/s. poly!marauders x reader (james potter x reader, lily evans x reader, remus lupin x reader, and sirius black x reader.)
word count. 11.4k
tags. childhood friends to ex-friends to lovers, fluff, minor angst, happy ending, not proofread we die like remus and tonks, also a bit of spice ;3
note. asdhjf while im working on the last part of the time traveller au pls enjoy this fluffy piecee ueueue
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‘TIS THE SEASON OF raucous jeering and gaudy paraphernalia in the corridors, the unmistakable scent of overly-polished brooms, mud trekking through the cobblestone floors, and jerseys soaked in sweat, rain, and grime after hours of vigorous training. The dreaded second week of school where arrogant fledglings end up in the infirmary on account of broken noses, dislocated shoulders, or sprained wrists.
In other words: Quidditch tryouts. 
You’re just not fond of the havoc wreaked in every corner and alcove of the castle. But to your relief, the library remains untouched through it all. 
Needless to say, you absolutely hate Quidditch. 
It is a fact you simply will not elaborate on. The skies are blue, the grass blades are green; you and the Marauders are as different as night and day. 
On your way to the library, the last bastion of academia, you weave past the crowd in the courtyard corridor, ears ringing from the shouting match earlier in the Great Hall for breakfast—something about the Cannons versus the Magpies. There’s a pile of books shoved inside your leather satchel, painfully bumping into your hip with each step you take. You traverse through the Romanesque architecture, blissfully unaware of the misfortune to come. 
“If I study for Charms now, I can take a nap for the rest of the day,” You say to yourself, pensively tapping at your chin. 
“Watch out!” 
You barely have any time to react before a Quaffle comes crashing straight into your face. 
“Merlin’s hairy arsehole—fuck!” There’s a sicky sound of bones cracking, a dizzying flash of white before your eyes, and something viscous trickling from your nose down to your lips. Your hands fly to your face—instantly flinching when you catch a glimpse of your fingers dipped in blood. Your eyes grow wide in panic, chest rapidly heaving—it’s only now that you realize that you’re sitting on the ground, textbooks laying haphazardly around you, shoulders quivering from the adrenaline. The crowd’s concerned murmurs are lost in the cacophony of hysteria. 
“Move!” 
To your rescue, is Alice Fortescue, a fellow prefect. She cuts through the onlookers of petrified first-years and nosey fifth-years. You have no doubt this incident will grace the school’s gossip column for the next few days. She grabs your arm and wraps it around her shoulder with ease. You’d write poetry of her gallant display, but you were too busy moaning in agony. She utters a few incantations to stop your nosebleed from worsening, though there’s not much she can do to help with the possible concussion. 
“Did you know Bludgers used to be called blooders?” You mumble languidly, nearly crashing into one of the knight statues. 
“I do now,” replies Alice, tightening her hold on your waist, the ghost of a fond smile on her face. (She’s missed you, actually—three and a half years of radio silence. There used to be a time where running into you in the Gryffindor common rooms was an everyday occurrence. Even the Ravenclaw prefects knew where to look first if they wanted to find you.)
After what feels like an eternity of trudging through the castle, you finally reach the infirmary. The matron, Poppy Pomfrey, shrieks in alarm at the sight of your soiled blouse and blood stained lips. She gently ushers you into her hold, guiding you to a vacant bed. Alice hangs back, awkwardly shuffling her feet, gaze worriedly trained on you. 
“You may return to your classes, Miss Fortescue, thank you,” says Madam Pomfrey, tipping your head upwards and grimacing.  “Oh, good heavens, what happened?” 
Your head droops in her palms, blood trickling from the corner of your mouth—you must have bit your tongue earlier. You blubber pathetically, “Got hit by a stray quaffle.” 
Wordlessly, Madam Pomfrey summons a vial from her stash in the cupboards. She hands the small bottle to you, uttering various healing spells under her breath with a deft expertise of someone who’s been doing this for years upon years now. “There,” says Madam Pomfrey, lips firmly pursed. “That should help with the fractured cheekbones.”
With—what?
As your eyes bulge out of your head, Madam Pomfrey looks over you once more, a floating quill at her side hastily scribbling on a parchment. “Concussion, mild blood loss, fracture in the cheekbones, broken nose cartilage.” She illuminates the tip of her wand, and moves it left and right in front of you. “Hmm. Any nausea at all, dear?”
“There’s a six point four chance I’m going to get amnesia,” You whisper solemnly, head hanging low as your voice cracks from the unbearable pain. “I don’t want to get amnesia.”
“There’s no need for you to worry about that while you’re under my care.” Madam Pomfrey gently nudges you to lay on the pillow. She hands you a folded blanket. “Rest now. We’ll keep you here until the morning in case your condition worsens.”
“I can’t.” You groan, sitting upright—Madam Pomfrey pushes you back onto the bed with a stern glare. “I’ve got to study.”
“And I’ve got three other students to tend to. Mister Lockhart has been dealing with food poisoning all week.” Madam Pomfrey places her hands on her hips, sighing sharply. She jerks her thumb behind her back—that’s when you notice that three certain people are staring back at you. Sirius Black and James Potter squeezing together in one chair—and miserably failing—and Remus Lupin, resting cozily on the infirmary bed with bandages around his arms and head. “And don’t even get me started on this one.”
“You love him, Poppy, don’t lie.” Sirius grins wolfishly at the matron. You make out the sunken bags underneath his gray eyes, pale lips and his unkempt heap of dark curls. 
Pomfrey huffs exasperatedly. “It would be easier to wrangle a hoard of Hippogriffs than to keep you three out of the infirmary past visiting hours.” She spares you one last glance, nodding when she deems you safe and healthy—as can be, anyway. Gilderoy Lockhart rolls out of his bed, his cries echoing around the room, threatening to barf up his entire breakfast, and Madam Pomfrey is gone in an instant. 
There is an awkward silence that envelops your side of the room—you roll over on your left, desperately ignoring the three of stares burning intensely into your back. 
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THE STORY GOES like this: 
You know their names more than you know your own. Each morning finds them at the Ravenclaw common room’s doorstep—while waiting, Lily, Sirius and Remus try to figure out the password as James attempts to brute force his way in. (He had actually figured out the riddle minutes ago, James would just rather play along with his friends.) The blue-tied prefects watch endearingly as one of their first-years rush out of the tower, squealing deafeningly, and jumps right into the lion cubs’ embrace. (It’s not that Inter-House friendships are rare, it’s more common than one would think; usually, it just takes more time for the eaglets to break out of their shell.) 
“I got a hundred and twelve!” You exclaim merrily, hair in disarray and eyes puffy from having just woken up. Lily grabs your hands; together, the both of you jump up and down, excitedly giggling in celebration of the success of your History of Magic essay. (You had ignored them for a day to focus on your homework—Sirius did not like that at all. It wasn’t as fun to play if one of their friends were missing. Gone off to study, of all things.) 
The tale of your friendship may be an unsolved mystery to some, but to you, it’s like finding jigsaw pieces that perfectly fit together. Magic isn’t only centaurs in forbidden forests, or ceilings bewitched to look like the night sky—sometimes it’s stumbling into a random train compartment and shyly offering your bag of assorted treats. Next thing you know, Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon are constantly with you in the library, oohing and aahing over pages of the fantasy novels Lily had brought from the muggle world. 
There’s rarely a day where you aren’t spotted in a sea of red and gold. Except when you’ve studied yourself sick—and the Marauders are never fond of that. 
(“I’m sorry, she can’t come down today,” says one of the fifth-year prefects, Lalita Burman, a rather tall girl with intricate curls, brown skin, and eyes that stare into one’s soul. She wakes up to banging on the tower entrance, not even eight o’clock in the morning yet—on a Saturday. It doesn’t come off as a surprise anymore when she opens the door to five red-faced children. “She’s come down with the flu. Most of the firsties have, actually. Madam Pomfrey says they’ll get better by tomorrow but Alex and I have been running ourselves ragged looking after them.” 
James Potter narrows his eyes at her. “Okay. Then we’ll go inside.” 
“Maybe we can help,” says Remus. 
Lalita holds up her hand to stop them from barging in. “That’s really sweet, but we can’t risk any of you getting sick as well.” 
Sirius stands on his toes to spy past Lalita’s shoulder, frowning when he finds nothing of importance—or really, when he can’t find you. He couldn’t wait to call you stupid for getting yourself sick—you just missed out on frog hunting. “That’s alright.” He huffs, shoulders slumping dejectedly. “Our immune system can take it. Will you let us in now?” 
Her eye twitches. “Come back tomorrow.” 
With that, she slams the door in their faces. 
The Marauders then declare you are never, ever allowed to get sick again.) 
Your second year in the castle creeps up on you without you noticing. 
“Remus Lupin, I am going to kill you!” 
No one bats an eyelash when you stalk up to the Gryffindor table, twelve years old and on a mission, fresh from the summer holidays. You slam your hands down onto the table, eyes ablaze as Remus stares at you, head resting on his palms, shaggy blond hair falling over his brows—no thoughts, head empty, just sheer adoration. 
“Hello there, stranger,” Remus says, grinning fiendishly. “You look rather lovely—did you have a good holiday?” 
You scoff, pointing an accusatory finger at him—Peter watches at the scene with wide eyes, slowly chomping on his shepherd’s pie, not an inkling as to what was going on. “Don’t try me, Lupin!” You exclaim sternly. “That book you gave me—you said it would have a happy ending! Tell me why I stayed up until bloody five o’clock in the morning crying me eyes out! You. . . you—!” 
“Wanker, dingbat, berk, git,” Lily supplies helpfully with an innocent smile, pulling you down to sit with her. “And my personal favorite—toerag.” 
You gape at the pretty redhead, jaw falling to the floor. “How do you even know these words?” 
She hums nonchalantly, spreading blueberry jam onto her buttered toast. “A lady must arm herself with the necessary ammunition.” Lily points to a certain pair of boys—James and Sirius are currently engaged in an eating contest, shoveling pancakes after pancakes inside their mouths; so far it looks like Sirius is winning. Lily sighs dramatically, rolling her eyes, “Especially if she wants to survive that kind of company.”  
“Him, even more,” says Lily, gesturing to Remus. “He may be Professor McGonagall’s golden boy but I see right through him.” 
“What can I say?” Remus smirks, helplessly shrugging his shoulders. “I’m a monster.” 
Lily glares at him. 
Then, you turn thirteen—the dreaded age. Suddenly, you’re dealing with oily skin, acne, body odor, hair growing out of places you didn’t even know could grow hair, hormones messing up the way you look at everyone else—something awakens in you the day you see Dorcas Meadowes in the Quidditch pitch wearing a black sleeveless turtleneck—and hormones messing up the way you look at yourself. 
Everything is starting to change. 
You usually never blink twice when James wraps his arms around your waist, laying his head on your shoulder. Except this time, he’s gone from a gangly bean sprout, to a heartthrob with perfectly messy hair, newly defined muscles from his countless hours of Quidditch training, charming smile, eyes that one could get lost into for hours, and a tantalizing scent of mint and bergamot. 
“Are you really not going to our game this Saturday?” James whispers in your ear—the five of you had been hanging out in the library. 
You sigh. “Can‘t. Sorry.” 
“Scared your House is going to lose to us, pet?” Sirius teases from where he’s sitting backwards on the chair next to you, engrossed in twirling locks of your hair around his finger. 
You bristle at the nickname—they have been brazen with the endearments lately, you’ve noticed. “It’s not like we’re going to win anyway,” You mumble, tapping your quill on the empty parchment—there’s never any work done while they’re around. “There’s only a sixteen point seven percent chance of Ravenclaw winning against Gryffindor.”
James wrinkles his nose, now sitting on the edge of the table. “Percent, shmercent. What matters is how everyone plays that day.” 
He kicks his legs against yours, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “So, will you come watch?” 
“We have that History of Magic project, remember,” You say defeatedly. “I need to get started on it this week otherwise I’ll be behind all the electives I signed up for this year.” 
Lily frowns, looking up from her own homework to glance at you in concern. “How many did you even pick?” 
“All of them.” 
“What?” Lily screeches in terror, suddenly rising from her seat to lean over the table. “How is that even possible? How did McGonagall even allow that?” 
“Professor Flitwick,” You correct, wincing when Lily and Sirius glare at you. “It took a lot of convincing, but eventually I wore him down. All I had to do was rework some of my class schedules and promise him over a thousand times that my wellbeing wouldn’t ever be compromised by my studies. Otherwise he’d take back his decision.” 
Remus doesn’t seem all too happy. “No wonder we don’t see you at Transfiguration anymore.” 
“Or in Kettleburn’s class,” Peter pipes in. 
“Are you sure it’s okay for you to be taking that many classes at once?” Remus grimaces, sharing a worried look with James. “The limit is three, and even that is too much to handle.” 
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” 
(Peter knows a lie when he hears one.) 
James tenses up, jaw tightening. “So you’re saying you’re going to miss a game because of school? Like all the other times? That’s bullcrap!” 
Remus hisses his name in warning. 
Tears prick your eyes instantly—you’ve heard him speak like this when quarreling with Slytherins, but never to your face. “That bullcrap means a lot to me, Potter. You’d understand that if you took your studies seriously more than just going around and playing silly pranks on everyone!” 
James scoffs. “Like how you take us seriously? Did you know that Lily is the youngest ever to be invited to Slughorn’s club? Yeah, she got the invitation last week. Did you congratulate her for that when she was staying up late with you to revise for your practical test in Herbology?” 
“I—” You stammer, guilt pooling in your stomach. 
“No, you didn’t.” James sneers. “You only see yourself. Do you know what Remus has been going through? Do you even care?” 
“That’s enough, James,” Lily says vehemently. 
“Well, if you think like that, maybe we all should just stop being friends!” You retort.
Before anyone else can reply, Madam Pince comes around the corner, and everyone falls silent—a tense atmosphere that threatens to choke you. With a heavy heart, you gather your belongings and run out of the library. 
The months pass by, and Frank Longbottom wonders why he doesn’t wake up at midnight anymore to find five students having a sleepover in the common room with a certain eagle, each of them trying to contain their giggles and  failing. (One time, the Prewett twins had run down the stairs in panic, only to find you and Peter screaming from Remus’s theatrics in telling his ghost stories during an awful thunderstorm.) You no longer visit the Gryffindor table at breakfast, and they no longer wait for you after your classes. 
“It’s probably just a tiff,” says Alice to Mary Macdonald. “They’ll make up—they always do.”  
Mary nods, though unsure—while Peter is gut-wrenched about it all, the other four in particular seem like heartbroken puppies when you enter the Great Hall and barely acknowledge their presence. 
The snow melts and time catches everyone unaware.
“I can’t believe I’m going to graduate and you idiots haven’t made up yet,” Lalita sighs as she pulls you in for a hug. In a few weeks, she and the other seventh-years are due to leave; you’ve grown real close with her over the past few terms. Her departure is going to be truly difficult for you to handle. “Just talk it out with them, okay?” 
You sniffle, holding onto her robes. “I’m trying, but they’ve been ignoring me, too.” 
Lalita squeezes you tighter. “Don’t worry. These kinds of things have a way of sorting themselves out.” 
At the end of the term, you present your final project to Professor Binns. The ghost nearly returns to life. It was a research study on the Evolutionary Analysis of Magical RNA Manipulation in the Catalonian Fireball. Days after your paper is published, you’re featured on the Daily Prophet; dragon tamers and professors from Spain are owling you letters of praise and congratulations. It goes without saying that such a feat had naturally catapulted Ravenclaw to the top, ultimately winning the House Cup. 
(But what you don’t tell everyone is that you’re so severely burnt out after that—to the point where you didn’t want to ever pick up a textbook again. For the first time in forever, learning had become a chore, not a passion. You’d been puking out of anxiety, hands trembling as you forced yourself to write on the parchment, the sides of your fingers constantly swollen and raw. You’d study until four o’clock in the morning, and wake up an hour later to complete all of your homework. You’ve begun to masquerade as the ghosts of Ravenclaw Tower; lifeless and indifferent. Xenophilius and Pandora fuss over you, but you just lock yourself in your room and say: “I’m tired.”
Perhaps, it is why Professor Flitwick isn’t surprised when you withdraw from most of your electives. 
“The pursuit of knowledge is a rewarding journey,” says Professor Flitwick on the day you visit his classroom—hours away from needing to be on the train platform. He sighs and sets his spectacles on the table. “But it is a perilous one, too. I trust that you have understood the consequences of your actions. As a teacher, I can only offer guidance when it is needed. The other professors may disagree, but I find the best learning method to be, what is it the kids say—fuck around and find out.” 
You snort. 
Professor Flitwick chuckles, quite pleased with himself. “If I may be so bold as to leave you with another piece of homework, I would like to ask you to truly enjoy the holidays. I hear the summer is a time for discovering new things about oneself, for new beginnings and growth. After all, learning does not happen only within the castle grounds.”) 
Later that day, you board the express, purposefully choosing the farthest compartment where you know they’ll be staying in. You share the cabin with two people whose names are Regulus and Narcissa Black—this is the first time you’ve ever met them. Narcissa shares her green tea flavored candy with you.  Afterwards, you spend the rest of the ride back to King’s Cross asleep. 
(Right before the train arrives, Remus is nervously searching for you in the crowd of people. 
“We’ve got to say goodbye, at least.” Lily nibbles on her lower lip uneasily. She once joked that she could find you anywhere—as if you two had a red string tied around both your pinky fingers. Now, it seems you’re too far away for her voice to reach you. 
James drops his head down in shame. “I never got the chance to apologize.” 
“She’ll appear somewhere,” says Sirius unwaveringly with a nod, taking Lily’s heavy suitcase from her as steam whistles are heard in the distance. “She could be in our special compartment, waiting for us right now.” 
“Are you sure?” Peter questions dubiously. 
“Of course I am, she’s my best friend,” Sirius counters resolutely. “She’s there, I can feel it.”)
You’re fourteen when you return back to the castle—you hadn’t touched a single book throughout the summer, but you find yourself well-rested; you learn how to swim from your mother; staying up all night to accompany your family dog as she gives birth to seven beautiful puppies, and scratching yourself on the bark of sycamore trees with your poor attempts at climbing.
You find out that you don’t like Arithmancy at all, strongly preferring Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. You’ve also garnered a curiosity for Ornithomancy, the oracle reading of birds. 
This year, you signed up for the Gobstone club, despite your unfamiliarity with the game. It’s led by a Slytherin girl named Haerin Seong. (It’s properly read as Seong Hae-rin.) She has pin-straight hair, a sharp nose, and the mouth of a drunken sailor.
You also decide that you want to become a professor after Hogwarts. The groundskeeper, Rubeus Hagrid, belly laughs when you declare this to him one afternoon, right in the doorway of his hut. 
“Well, go on then!” Hagrid bellows, patting you on the head. “Anyone who tries ter stop yeh has got ter go through me!” 
On the dawn of your fifth-year, an owl delivers a prefect badge to your doorstep. Your father, born and raised as a Muggle, doesn’t understand the significance of this, but he cries harder than you on that Sunday morning. (“My child is a prefect!” He sobs into the telephone after dialing your aunt’s number.) 
The fresh batch of Ravenclaw firsties aren’t the only new additions to the castle. According to the gossip mill, James and Lily are finally dating, so are Sirius and Remus apparently. (Then, months later, everyone would be shrieking about how they’re all dating. )
You hear of the news as you guide the first-year eaglets to their next class. You’re climbing up the spiral staircase when you see the Quidditch pitch through the window. They look like flying ants from this distance. You can imagine the wind in their hair, the tense muscles as they chase after the Quaffles, the crowd roaring in their ears, victory within their reach if they just fly fast enough. 
You hate the way you envy them—how easily they soar up in the skies while you watch from below, much like a flightless eagle, shackled by your own shortcomings. 
You hate Quidditch.
It’s bound by no rules, unpredictable and barbaric. Most of all, it looks down on the cowardly. 
In your sixth year, you have your first kiss with a boy named Augustine Fenberry. It’s extremely short-lived and awkward. You date for three months until it’s unanimously agreed that you two are better off as friends—until you catch him laughing about you with his mates in an empty corridor, saying that you were clingy, too much, and needed to learn how to shut up. (You wonder if that’s why they grew tired of you, too.) 
You handle him with a quick, “Entomorphis.” 
It’s probably one of the more cruel jinxes; Augustine bawls piercingly as he grows antennas atop his head, the spell forcing him to get on his hands and knees; his friends hover around him in panic, but all Augustine can do is chirp like a grasshopper in the night. You wonder if you’ve gone too far, but Haerin tells you that’s exactly what Augustine is—vermin. 
You also, with great satisfaction, deduct thirty points from his House—which happens to be Ravenclaw. 
(Nobody knows this about Peter, but he’s nimble on his feet, a bit of a wallflower—and he is now the newest editor of Hogwarts’s newspaper column, The Golden Snidget. By the next day, everyone knows what he’s done. Argus Filch, who’s in charge of his month-long detention, should be the last of his worries. Peter sympathizes with the wizard—but only for a fraction of a second. Because it’s not even the werewolf Augustine has to be scared of, not the pureblood heir who could ruin anyone with just a lift of his finger; not the Quidditch prodigy with a sharp mind, knowing a thousand ways to seek revenge. 
It’s Lily Evans. 
“Go near her again and I’ll rip your balls off!” Marlene flips the bird to the group of cowering boys. “Matter of fact, if you treat anyone like that again, I will come for your bloodline.”
“Fucking toerag!” Lily wildly swings the Beater’s bat she had stolen from the Quidditch changing room. “If you even look at her, I’ll hunt you down and shove this up your arse—until you feel it in your throat!” 
Peter shivers in fear. He didn’t ever want to be on the receiving side of Lily’s wrath. 
“This is the same girl who cried for an hour when she saw the ducklings in the Great Lake separated from their mother,” says Remus, horrified. 
“Honestly, I feel so, so conflicted whether to find this terrifying. . . or attractive,” James whispers to Sirius.
“Attractive. Definitely attractive,” Sirius responds breathlessly, all eyes on Lily.)
Gryffindor wins the House Cup that year, to no one’s surprise. You find yourself clapping along with everyone else, but can’t help it when your gaze drifts to the left-side of the Gryffindor table. You watch as Sirius lifts Lily in the air, her giggles somehow louder than the thunderous cheering, pressing a loving kiss to her lips. James stands on the table, encouraging everyone to sing more of his praises—there’s a split second where his eyes find yours, you look away immediately—as Remus covers his face with his palms, flushed from all the attention. After James, Remus had won the most points for their House. 
They seem complete—a puzzle that never really needed another piece. (You miss them, heartachingly so.) Maybe it was for the best that all of you drifted further and further apart. You now forget the way they call your name.  
And so, the story ends just like that. 
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YOU HAVE FOUND yourself in a very tricky position. 
It’s past midnight when you wake up—you nearly scream bloody murder when James, Lily and Sirius materialize out of thin air. They stare back at you, frozen in place, unblinking for the last twenty seconds. 
“Oh God, I’m hallucinating.” You cry to yourself, wrapping your arms around your waist. “I hit my head and now I’m seeing things.” 
“No, no, no, no,” James stammers, shaking his head. “It’s an invisibility cloak—see?” He wears the cape, then abruptly takes the cloak off—his body disappearing and reappearing in time with his actions. “Not hallucinating, I promise.” 
“That’s even worse,” You say hoarsely, on the verge of hyperventilating. “Y-You’re out past curfew—visiting hours are over. Someone could catch you. Madam Pomfrey will have your heads.” 
Remus chuckles—he had missed your voice so bloody much. He barely contains his grin when you glare at him. (Finally, after three years, you look his way again.) 
“We snuck in here to see you all the time,” Sirius tells you, the corner of his lips tipping into an overfond smile. “At some point, Poppy just stopped trying to keep us out.” 
“Yeah, I guess.” Your gaze falls to the floor as you mousily toy with your fingers. The infirmary falls painfully silent. Again. You clear your throat. “Anyway, I–I should get going.” 
“Oh.” Lily’s expression turns crestfallen, words cracking from the thick lump wedged in her throat. (This is the first conversation she’s had with you in years—one that isn’t awkwardly bumping into one another with shallow, hesitant greetings, before you scurry off like a timid squirrel.) “R-Right. But why don’t you have dinner first? We brought some from the feast and—” 
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry,” You rasp, slipping into your shoes and throwing your cardigan over your shoulders. (More than anything, you want to hug Lily and congratulate her for making Head Girl—but you have to wonder if it’s too little, too late; if the distance between you and her is too great to try and  cross.) 
You toss Remus a wary glance. There used to be a time where you could say anything to him, and now it feels like ice-cold hands are stapled over your mouth. “F–Feel better soon.” 
“Thanks.” Remus coughs. 
Sirius’s eyes bounce from you to Remus, mentally ripping his hair out from exasperation—this whole thing is going nowhere. 
You sprint out of the infirmary without a word, hands trembling from the nerve-wracking encounter inside. You take a moment to catch your breath, to shove your heart back inside your ribcage, as you lean sideways on the wall. It’s like running into a pack of wild chimeras in the mountains bare-handed. 
“That was so scary.” You breathe out deeply, clutching the front of your shirt tightly. 
The loud call of your name slices through the hallway and you jump in fright. 
Luckily, it’s just James—but just James sets your heart aflutter and your knees wobbly even after all this time. He bridges the gap between you in quick, long strides; murmuring your name once more like a prayer. “Hey,” James says quietly, as if afraid to spook you off. 
You gnaw on your bottom lip anxiously, tucking your hands inside your pockets. “Hey.”
“Listen, I just wanted to say—back in the library, all those years ago. I’m sorry. Really bloody sorry. Sirius decked me in the face that day, which I definitely deserved.” James nervously scratches the back of his head. “It was stupid of me—and I never should have said any of those things. I know it’s been years since then, you don’t even have to forgive me. But I just wanted you to know—”
“It’s fine, James.” You cut into his rambling, having already forgiven him for that day. “Really. Water under the bridge.” 
In fact, some of what he had said made you realize how much you isolated yourself without even knowing. “And, I—uhm.” You take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, too.” 
James widens his eyes, then instantly shakes his head. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”
A dark red blush spreads from his neck to his prettily carved cheeks.  “So. .  . uh. . . are we okay?” 
“We’re okay,” You say and he exhales deeply in relief. “And James, I. . . I. . .”
“Yeah?” There’s a hopeful lilt in his voice as he takes one more step towards you—achingly patient, but there’s a sense of urgency and desperation. 
“I—” You look away and the words fizzle out in your throat. “Never mind.” 
I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said that day. I miss you more than life. Thank you for staying by my side all those years—for being one of my best friends. You make me feel safe, James Potter. You are one of the most intelligent and caring wizards I know. How  anyone can think otherwise is baffling to me. I’m sorry if I don’t let you know that more often. 
“See you around, James.” With that, you turn and leave. 
Perhaps, some things are better left unsaid. 
(So why is your heart shattering into a million pieces?) 
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“TODAY, WE ARE GOING TO be interpreting messages from the divine!” 
On a lovely Friday morning, Professor Nasenyana drags the class out to the grounds for a hands-on Divination lecture, the groundskeeper’s hut within sight. He unlocks the barn nearby, where flocks of various bird species take to the skies instantly. He’s a rather eccentric fellow with one of the friendliest smiles you’ve ever seen. Most of the Ravenclaws are also star-struck, hanging onto his every word. As it turns out, Nasenyana is a graduate from Uagadou, the top school for Astronomy and Divination.
“Ornithomancy—!” He proclaims, flashy cloak billowing, startling some of the Gryffindors from their sleep. “It is a form of divination that looks into the behavior of birds—celestial creatures blessed with the ability to traverse through the heavens and the earth. But, you see, it is more than that. It requires utmost concentration and mastery. To pass this class, you will need to—” 
“I told you we didn’t miss anything important!” 
“Pads, shut up.” 
Sirius and Remus come rolling down the hill. Remus’s robes are disheveled, whereas Sirius’s tie is loosely hanging around his shirt, sleeves folded up. They nearly crash into Professor Nasenyana—who doesn’t appear to be pleased with their tardiness. You notice Remus’s flushed cheeks, the sweat running down the sides of his forehead, and the pinkish bruises on the column of Sirius’s neck. 
Lily chortles. 
Oh. 
You blush deeply—that is so none of your business. 
“Mister Black! Mister Lupin! So nice of you to finally join us.” Professor Nasenyana exclaims. “I trust that it won’t take you thirty more minutes to find a place to sit?” He gestures to the assembly of students sitting down on the grass, some shielding the sunlight from their face with the Divination textbook, and others transfiguring their school robes into a picnic mat. “Take your seats, gentlemen.” 
“And that is five points from Gryffindor. Each.” Professor Nasenyana declares just as Remus and Sirius plop down on the closest patch of grass to them. 
Which happens to be right beside you. 
You pour all your attention on the teacher, and not how warm Sirius feels next to you. 
“As I was saying,” Professor Nasenyana continues, hands folded behind his back, eyes gleaming with anticipation. “In order to pass this class, you will form groups of three where your task is to read each other’s fortune based on the information presented to you and document your findings. Everything you need for interpretation is in your textbooks. You will hand this assignment in after the winter holidays. I expect excellence from each and every one of you. Failure to comply will result in a Dreadful.” 
Gilderoy’s arm shoots up in the air. 
“Shall I guess your question, Mister Lockhart?” Nasenyana grins blindingly. “Your groups will be determined by fate—those closest to you will read your fortune, and you theirs.” 
He lowers his arm with a bright blush. 
You, however, are frozen in place, sitting cross-legged on the ground with a robe strewn over your lap—you even hold your breath from the shock. Fate must be mocking you right now. Spending the next few weeks in close proximity with the boys who held your fragile, little heart in their hands.
How fun.
Not.
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FOR THE FIRST TIME in forever, you don’t pay attention in Charms.
The thought of working with Remus and Sirius haunts you so much that you burrow your head in your arms for the entirety of Professor Flitwick’s lesson. Your seatmate, Xenophilius, watches in horror as you flub the enunciation for Ascendio. Thankfully, no one is accidentally flung into the air—except for Gilderoy who is unfortunately blown away from his chair.
“Sorry.” You twinge empathetically as he climbs back onto his chair, glaring at you. 
Xenophilius nudges your shoulder, whispering, “Are you alright?” 
“Perfectly fine,” You respond hurriedly, almost choking on your spit. “What ever gave you the idea that I was not fine? I’m bloody fantastic even. The sun is shining, fishes are swimming, and there’s not a single thing out of the ordinary in my life.” 
“It’s cloudy outside,” Xenophilius says impassively. “And Lockhart is looking at you like you’ve just attempted murder.” 
“Lockhart always looks like that.” You brush him off with a wave, busying yourself with flipping the pages of your Charms textbook. 
Xenophilius pokes you in the side. “You are avoiding the subject. Is it because of Lup—”
“Ascendio!” 
This time, it’s too perfect of an incantation that even Merlin weeps from his grave.
At the end of class, you’re greeted with yet another surprise. Just as you leave the classroom, you find Sirius and Remus standing in the corridor, so absorbed in conversation that they don’t notice the sixth-year girls giggling as they walk by—either that, or they have had plenty of practice when it comes to  ignoring attention from the entire student body. It’s not like you can blame everyone else—they’re a duo carved by heaven’s finest. 
Sirius realizes instantly when you walk out of the doors. He smiles blazingly at you, instantly rising to his feet, hands shoved inside the pockets of his trousers. You can’t believe this is the same boy who’d give you piggyback rides down the hallway. Dark layered curls tumble messily past his shoulders, a smidge of dark liner around his eyes, multiple piercings in his left ear. He’s grown taller, certainly more confident, too. 
“Ready to go, pet?” He asks, as if casually inquiring about the weather. 
“Go?” You echo, nonplussed. “Go where?” 
“Birdwatching, obviously.” Sirius grins devilishly before grabbing your hand and leading you to the courtyard, Remus hot on your heels—who, for some reason, now has your bag hanging from his shoulders. 
“D-Do I even get a say in this?” Truthfully, you had thought that you could finish the project without meeting up. Ever. You even think of collaborating with them via owl; staying far, far away from one another. So that none of you get hurt again, and you don’t risk another heartbreak. 
“Not one bit, darling.” Sirius looks back at you and winks—this cheeky bastard!
You’re in a daze by the time the three of you reach the middle courtyard. Sirius happily plonks down under a tree, further unbuttoning his shirt until a hint of a tattoo peeks out—you gape. Remus chuckles before urging you to sit as well, before he settles on your other side. 
“This is nice,” says Sirius as he leans his head against the tree trunk, eyes closed. “Bloody missed this.” 
“Missed what?” You dare to ask, heart hammering in your chest. 
He opens one eye, cheek dimple flashing. “Being by your side.” 
“Oh.” 
One does not respond to that, actually. One just simply passes out and fades away. 
And as you typically do when facing hardships in life, you ramble about homework. Clearing your throat and staring straight at the earthworms crawling out of the mud, you say, “So, about our project. . .” 
“I was thinking we could get started on it next Saturday,” You splutter, fiddling with your fingers. “Or I could start on everyone’s reading and we’d put it on paper sometime next month—but I could do that myself, too. I-If you wanted. Just so that it’s easier for everyone. We really don’t have to rush, honestly.” 
“Procrastinating on schoolwork?” Remus laughs heartily with a slow shake of his head, stretching his long legs on the ground. “Who are you and what have you done to our best fr—” 
The word falters on his tongue, and his smile fades into a somber line. 
To save everyone from the awkward tension, you carry on, ignoring the way Sirius stiffens, “If you want to start early, I can head to the library after lunch to find some books on Ornithomancy. The more references we have—”
“What happened to us?” Sirius interjects gravelly. 
You let out a deep sigh. 
You suppose this conversation has been a long time coming, given lions and their stubbornness. 
“It’s simple,” You say gingerly. “After that. . . that day, the distance kept growing and growing until we went our own separate ways without looking back.” 
A single teardrop slides down your cheek before you can stop it. “You changed. I changed, too. The difference was, you all had each other while I had no one.”
(Though Pandora and Xenophilius were the truest and most honest friends one could ask for, they didn’t hold your soul captive the way they did.) 
Sirius stares at you as if you had just spit acid; a thunderstorm forming within his gray eyes, his jaw locking painfully. 
“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Remus asks softly, leaning forward to offer you his handkerchief. His voice sounds strangled—as though your words physically torment him. He pulls away just as your gaze falls on his. 
“That’s what happened, though. But I suppose it doesn’t really even matter anymore.” You flinch away, electrocuted from his touch. 
There’s a stretched silence that blankets the three of you. It carries on for a few minutes, the breeze flowing by, and the slow, clamorous bell chiming in the distance. You’re about to speak up when Sirius breaks the quietude first.
“Be ready,” He says decidedly, looking straight ahead. 
“For what?” You ask in disbelief. 
Sirius drags a hand through his hair with a loud exhale. He rests his elbows on his knees, chin carelessly set on his palm, eyeing you intensely. “We’re going to prove you wrong from now on.” 
“What exactly are you going to prove?” 
Sirius chuckles, coiling a strand of your hair around his finger. “That it’s always been you and us for life, princess.” 
Merlin’s saggy balls. 
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THE GRYFFINDOR TABLE descends into a coalescence of wide eyes and rapid, hushed whispers when you arrive sometime during dinner. It’s not out of your own volition, of course, but your own duty and responsibility as prefect to return the handkerchief that Remus had lent you earlier this afternoon. You hoped it would be a quick in-and-out; dishing out more forced smiles, and some half-baked banter until you could finally run away, tail tucked between your legs. Like most things in your life, it does not go the way you want. 
“You could keep it, if you want,” says Remus, hesitantly taking the embroidered cloth from you. 
If the world knew how many trinkets Remus Lupin had gifted you during your friendship, you would be swimming in gold—and cursed letters from his devoted fangirls. 
“That’s alright. Thank you.” You placate him with a crooked grin, the words spilling from your lips like a jumbled mess. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Gideon and Fabian Prewett nudging each other’s shoulders whilst pointing at you, keeping their heads low. You have no idea what that’s about. 
“Well. That is all. E-Enjoy your dinner.” You nod, mentally patting yourself on the back for not passing out in the den of lions. “Goodbye.” 
Though the Ravenclaw table is placed next to Gryffindor’s, you have the bright idea of sitting with your backs to them, lest you engage in a round of cloddish staring contests with the Marauders. Just as you pivot on your heels, ready to make it to Pandora’s side, an achingly familiar voice calls for your name. 
“Wait!” Marlene is partially out of her seat, bright blonde hair in a loose, messy braid; hand outstretched, as if reaching out to you. Her pale cheeks blossom with shades of scarlet as she receives miffed glares from the students nearby—such is the curse of a Gryffindor; if this were a fantasy novel, they would be the perfect protagonist. “Why don’t you eat with us? F-For old time’s sake. It’s been so long and I really would like to catch up with you.” 
Your resolve nearly crumbles. This is the same girl who would bring sweet candies in her pocket in case you got hungry during class. But, if this were a fantasy novel, you would only be an extra; fated to walk a path so different from the likes of James Potter and Lily Evans.
“Maybe next time,” You say, unconvincing to even your own ears. 
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FROM ACROSS the Great Hall, another conversation is taking place. 
“I am telling you, Minerva, I caught them talking again in the infirmary,” says Poppy Pomfrey to her fellow teacher, a spry grin on her kind face. 
“Poppy, as I’ve told you, I do not make a habit out of discussing my students’ personal lives,” McGonagall replies tiredly, slicing into her dinner plate of steak and kidney pie. She pauses for a few moments, before pushing up her spectacles with a wrinkly smile. “But, perhaps, I’ll let this slide just this once. Tell me all about it. I’ve also heard that—” 
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“ACTA NON VERBA.”
Deeds, not words. 
Truly a befitting password for the House of bravery and recklessness. The Fat Lady’s portrait gasps in delight, raising her champagne glass to you. Seconds later, the Gryffindor common room is revealed to you. (Most of the Ravenclaw prefects have the House passwords memorized, in case they encounter a lost student outside the dormitories who has forgotten the passcode. It happens more often than one would like. Although it isn’t just first-years who are often stuck outside. You’ve stumbled upon Frank Longbottom many times before in a heated argument with the Fat Lady.) 
“Oh!” Alice, bundled up in a red scarf and a wooly jumper, is startled to find you at the entrance. She breathily says your name, eyes crinkling as she smiles widely. “What a pleasant surprise! Oh my Gods—it’s so nice to see you again. How’s the head? Last time I saw you, you were bleeding everywhere.”
“I didn’t get amnesia. So that was good.” You head inside the room, instantly enveloped in a familiar warmth, a welcoming hug as if you had never strayed far. “Thank you. For that day, I mean. For bringing me to Madam Pomfrey.”
She waves you off. “Don’t mention it.” 
“But. . .” Alice cocks her head with a conniving smile. “Don’t tell anyone else this, but when James found out it had been the Gryffindor team’s co-captain who hit the Quaffle your way, I heard James put him through some intense training. He must’ve had to run a hundred laps around the pitch for a week straight.  Poor guy even had to wash everyone’s jerseys without magic.” 
“What?” You shriek. “But it was just an accident. Surely, James wouldn’t—”
Alice tweaks your nose with a chuckle. “Oh, for you? He would.”
You have the strangest urge to throw yourself out of the tower. 
You cough into your first, desperate to shift the conversation topic otherwise you’d spontaneously combust. “S-So, where’s Remus? We agreed to work on our Divination project here—if that’s alright with you and the others, of course.” 
“Ha!” Alice exclaims, palming her forehead. “So that’s why the tower stinks of flipping perfume.” She snickers at your bewildered expression, before engulfing you in a bear hug. “It’s so good to see you. You’re welcome here anytime, you know that.”
“Thank you, Alice.” You squeeze her back, giving yourself just this one time because you really did miss her.
Alice takes a step backwards before roaring loud enough to shake the ceiling. “Remus!”
“Get down here! Your girlfriend is waiting!”
You break out in a coughing fit. “I am not his girlfriend.” 
“Not yet.” Alice winks at you, patting your cheek before skipping out the common room. 
You hear the heavy footfalls of someone coming down the stairs. Moments later, you see Remus Lupin beaming at you, casually dressed, hair damp and tousled over his brows, broad shoulders stretching his white top, and fluffy, mismatched socks over his feet. He walks over to you in record speed. 
“You came,” He says huskily. 
“I did.” 
“You look beautiful today.” Remus grins wolfishly, dimples poking out of his cheeks, flecks of light in his hazel eyes. 
You blink owlishly, dumbfounded. You peer at your clothes—nothing fancy or experimental. “This is how I normally dress, though.” 
“I know.” 
Remus smiles, swiftly taking your bookbag from you. (Alice was right. He smells like a basket of green apples, old leather tomes, and sandalwood. Not that you mind.) You follow him to the couches by the fireplace. 
“Where’s Sirius?” You look around the common room as you sink into the red sofa. There’s a pair of third-years playing chess, a young girl feathering her hand across the bookcase; sunlight streaming in from the tall windows. 
But no sign of Sirius Black. 
“Miss me, did you, love?” 
Sirius chuckles into your ear—you jump out of your skin, clutching at your knees in fright. 
“Merlin’s tits—!” 
You gasp for air while Sirius and Remus laugh at your expense. “You fucking wanker!” You grab one of the quilted pillows as Sirius jumps over the back of the couch. “You’re an idiot, Sirius Orion.” 
“There.” Sirius flops right down on the sofa; his hair tied up in a low bun, silver rings around his fingers. “Now you don’t look so bloody scared and nervous around us. We don’t bite, you know.” He pauses, then grins devilishly at you. “Unless you ask.” 
You slap your palms against your lap. “Anyways—!” 
Nostrils flaring as you take a deep breath—this is going to be a long day. You begin setting the parchments, feather quills, and Divination textbooks on the coffee table, along with a notebook where you had written some observations during the week. “When we were out—erm—birdwatching the other day, I noted down the birds that flew by for our readings. For Remus, it was a flock of Firecrests. And—” 
“I’m very sorry, loveliest love, but none of this makes any bloody sense to me.” Sirius goes through the Divination volumes you had checked out from the library, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “Tea reading, I can tolerate. But studying bird droppings really isn’t my thing.” 
You glare heatedly at him, oddly defensive about the subject. “We’re not studying bird droppings, you plonker. There’s so much more to Ornithomancy than what meets the eyes. You see, nature connects everything. From the number of birds you encounter, to which direction they fly, their pattern of flight, down to the colors of their wings.” 
You point to the glaring page from Snallygasters and Omens: Vol. 1 where a picture of a Jobberknoll jumps out. “This bird flies to the east because the east governs new beginnings and warm springs after winter. Blue wings symbolize reliability. One day in the future you’ll be tasked with a huge responsibility. A family could entrust their godson to you, who knows? You have to be clear-headed, Sirius. Your emotions can get the best of you if you’re not careful.” 
Without even pausing to breathe, you say, “Remus. The firecrest. Smallest bird in the wizarding world, but will dare to fly higher than any other creature, even the king of birds. The firecrest and its flock were flying to the south that day, Remus. To the place of passion and life. Love. Beauty.” 
“So it’s. . . it’s more than just bird droppings!” 
By the end of it all, your chest is heaving, fingers trembling with adrenaline; Remus and Sirius gazing at you with stars in their eyes, devotion pouring from their growing smiles. (Oh, how their hearts beat for you.) 
Sirius tips your chin with his knuckle, leaning closer until you feel his breath on your nose. “Welcome back, princess.”
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NIGHT FALLS WITHOUT anyone’s permission. James, Lily, and Peter make their way back to the Gryffindor tower, patches of sunburn on their nose after spending the entire day outside observing bird flight patterns. Like Sirius, Lily has her mind firmly set against the philosophies of Divination; the mumbo jumbo not really all that comprehensible to her. As they enter the common room, her hand in James’s, they’re greeted by a rare sight—one that Lily didn’t think she would see again. 
Sirius is sitting on the floor by the fireplace, wand tucked behind his ear, a pile of books at his side, his brows contorted in frustration as he drowns in the pages of When Fortunes Turn Fowl. He presses his finger to his lips when his silvery eyes fall on Lily and James, jerking his head to the scene across him. 
Lily fails to bury her smile when she sees you snoring away at Remus’s lap, his fingers absentmindedly knitting through strands of your hair. The space is bedecked in loose pages with scribbled notes on them and ink stains on the carpet. 
“I take it you three got further along than we did,” Lily whispers as she kneels beside Remus, softly nudging his chin as she captures him in a fond kiss. 
Remus smiles into her lips. “A month’s worth of progress, at least. Thanks to this one here. I don’t think I’ll ever look at a bird the same way again.” 
“Who knew our little eagle had a knack for Divination?” Lily chuckles, gaze softening as she delicately drags her knuckle down your cheek. “It’s getting pretty late. Should we wake her up?” 
Remus shakes his head. “No. Let her sleep a bit more.” 
Selfishly, Lily agrees. She traces the tip of your nose, the pillows of your lips, before retracting her hand with a long sigh. “We used to talk about anything and everything until the sun rose. Now, it seems like I can never catch up to her no matter how fast I run.”
“Lily—” 
“Don’t worry,” says Lily. “I am nothing if not stubborn. She’ll know my wrath soon.” 
Sirius snickers. “How charming.” 
The fire crackles and you mumble something, deep in slumber, shifting in Remus’s hold, “Only one percent. . . of the world’s population is . . . is naturally redheaded.” 
“Is that right?” Lily grins from ear to ear. 
Just you wait, Lily is going to sweep you off your feet.
(Something she should have done years ago.) 
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“IS THAT A new jumper?”
Pandora simpers knowingly, heterochromatic eyes uncovering your every secret—the beads in her long braids click as she keeps in time with your brisk pace. She teasingly pulls at the oversized sweater. “It looks good on you.” 
You narrow your eyes at her, watchfully twisting your arms around your waist. “It was cold this morning, alright? Remus lent it to me. It’s not a big deal. It’s what friends do, right?” 
“So, you’re friends now?” Pandora muses. “Well, thank the Gods, because it has been excruciating watching you tiptoe around one another. It only took you lot three years, but it’s better than never, eh?” 
“Wilderwood! No magic in the corridors! That’s five points from Slytherin!” You bark at the stubborn fifth-year who grins sheepishly at you, before you reply to Pandora, an ache forming at the back of your head. “It’s complicated. Everything was sort of awkward in the beginning.” 
You think of last night, how Sirius was especially keen on making you laugh every few seconds; Remus would inch closer to you, head nearly on your shoulder as he peeks at the notes you’ve jotted down. You could barely think straight in their presence. Then, you remember waking up earlier this morning, James sprawled all over Sirius and Lily on the couch; Remus’s nose fully buried in his drawing book.
“But. . .” You trail off, remembering Remus’s arms around you as he sent you off, careful not to wake the others. (“I am a selfish bastard, pet,” He whispers into your hair, “I’m sorry, but let me steal this morning from them.”)
“It’s like coming home after a long day.”
“Brilliant!” Pandora exclaims, roughly laying her hands on your shoulders as she ushers you past the cobblestone walkway and into the grassfield, where the Quidditch Pitch rests in the near distance. You hadn’t even realized that you were a little ways from the castle already. “Tell them that!” 
“What?” You squawk. “Are you mad, woman?”
You hear the sound of brooms zipping by at an unimaginable speed. The crowd clamors over the announcer’s intense commentary. Your legs feel like they’ve been jinxed to feel like jelly. You hate Quidditch. 
“GRYFFINDOR SCORES! — That’s one-hundred and twenty in all! — Still no snitch yet! Hurry on, Potter! Mulciber’s got nothing on you– Ow! Professor! — Fawley heads for the goal! — Great deflect by Black! — Bletchley misses! — Another point for Gryffindor! We might as well end the game now!”
“Mr. Prewett!” You hear McGonagall scold into the charmed megaphone. 
“Sorry, Minnie! Anyway! — Mulciber and Potter race for the Snitch! Potter reaches out! — Surprisingly good manoeuvre from Mulciber! — Come on, James! — He’s almost got it! — It’s right there!”
You wait with a bated breath.
The crowd goes absolutely wild.
“Potter’s got it! — GRYFFINDOR HAS WON!” 
“Go on now, treasure. Before the Wrackspurts get inside your head again.” Pandora urges you forward, dusting the invisible creatures off your shoulders. As you take one step into the field, fireworks of gold and scarlet light up the sky, the Gryffindor teams’ cries of victory shake the ground; you hear Fabian screaming into the megaphone. Your fingers go numb. “Don’t let another day go by without expressing your heart,” says Pandora into your ear, almost a gust of wind if you hadn’t been paying attention. “Go to them. They are waiting for you.”
“But what if they aren’t?” You watch as the sun descends on the Gryffindor team lifting James in the air, Golden Snitch in his gloved hand. Sirius catches Lily by the waist, twirling her up high; her smile more dazzling than any other gem you’ve seen. As James is set back down on the ground, he snatches Remus unaware and bends him down for a fervent kiss.
“Dora, what if I’m the only one who feels this way? I can’t do that to them. What are the chances that I’ll ruin everything? That would hurt more than anything.”
Pandora cups your cheeks and lays her forehead on yours. “You won’t ever know unless you go out there.”
With that, she pushes you into the Quidditch pitch. 
You swallow the lump in your throat, ears ringing from the crowd chanting James’s name, and your heart pounding in fear. 
“J-James. . .” You call out weakly as he drowns in the sea of students.
Perhaps it’s a sign.
This really wasn’t a good idea.
Love is a fool’s game.
Don’t you get it? They don’t need you in the picture at all.
“N-No!” You shout, chest heaving. If everything happens for a reason, maybe you were meant to meet in that train compartment all those years ago. You’ve lost three years with them already.
If you don’t go to them right now, you could lose a lifetime. 
If bravery is for the reckless and arrogant, you’re prepared to be the most depraved witch in the castle just to stay by their side. 
“James—!”
“Go, go, Gryffindor!”
You bite your lip in frustration—but you can’t just give up. Not now. 
Once more.
“JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER!”
Please.
Time stops as you stand at the edge of the field; James whips his head around and finds you instantly. The glow of having just won a match doesn’t even compare when his eyes land on you. He pushes past his team members and some of the Gryffindor students, his gaze unwavering, some of them call out his name but he doesn’t bother looking back. Before you even know it, he stands in front of you, breathing heavily—but not from the rush of the game.
“You’re here,” He says, eyes disappearing into his smile. “But you hate Quidditch.”
“I do.” You grin wearily. “But I love you more.”
Without even giving James the chance to speak, you ramble on, hurricanes whirling in your stomach, “You’re a bloody brilliant wizard, James Potter. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you that before. I see you. I see all of you. How could I not? I love you. I think I’ve loved all of you before I knew it was even love. It’s alright if you don’t feel the same w—” 
James grabs the back of your legs and hoists you up, tendrils of hair falling over his glasses as he beams at you. The sun can’t even dream of competing with him. 
“Put me down, James, I am going to hurl—!”
He spins you one more time for good measure before placing you on the ground. James barely gives you a second to gather your bearings as he seizes your lips with his own, hand cradling the back of your neck. 
“You’re here,” He says, unable to believe his very eyes, gently chasing after your lips, breaths mingling until you don’t remember where either begins or ends. “Don’t leave. Please.”
“I won’t. I won’t.” You promise breathlessly as James pecks the tip of your nose, the arch of your eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Beautiful.” He kisses you until you’re gasping for air. “And all ours.” 
There’s not a moment where you don’t feel loved, not even when he lets you go, and it’s Lily who encompasses you in her arms, bright hair filling your vision; you willingly burn in the warmth of her body. The mellow scent of pomegranates and red roses fill your nose. You see a never-ending horizon of kindness in her emerald eyes. (How could you have stayed away for so long?) It’s like finding a missing piece of your soul that you never knew that was lost. 
Lily laughs—it sounds like an orchestral symphony. Her gaze cascades to your lips, the prettiest of smiles on her face; she cradles the curve of your jaw with utmost sincerity, a few drops of tears shimmering against her freckled skin. “May I?”
“Please.” You feel her breath tickling your lips, deftly pulling you in for a kiss until all you can feel is her. She consumes every inch of you, and you are happy to surrender, heart and soul. 
“You must be the thickest Ravenclaw I’ve ever met,” says Lily, giggling as she kisses you once, twice—thrice. 
“And that means?” You scoff lightheartedly. 
She steals another kiss from you. “That means: I hope you know that we have loved you ever since, you daft witch. That I’ve loved you all this time. And now that you’re ours, we are going to make sure you remember that. Every single day for the rest of our lives.” 
You smile, holding onto her hand, dizzy with a hundred emotions. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 
(Your Divination project is a point lower than Lily, Peter and James’s, but you find that it’s the luckiest fortune you’ve ever had.) 
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EPILOGUE:
“I LOVE QUIDDITCH!” 
You are twenty-two years old, nose bitten from the chilly air, lounging in the best seating area the Quidditch World Cup has to offer; an unobstructed view of the players. The match is between the Brazilian and Japanese National Quidditch teams. Much to Sirius and James’s chagrin, your cheek is painted in yellow and green stripes, the vibrant flag around your shoulders. 
You scream along with the crowd, nearly spilling your Butterbeer popcorn, as the Brazilian players enter the vast stadium. You ardently shake Lily’s shoulders. “That’s him! That’s him! Lily, it’s Brazil’s youngest ever Seeker! Vinícius Silva! I watched a replay of his matches and he’s got a seventy-eight percent win rate!”
“Watch out, love, you’ll fall off the edge if you aren’t careful,” Lily says worriedly.
“His fastest record for catching the Golden Snitch is ten minutes and thirty seconds! He’s won Most Outstanding Player in the Junior Division twice! I’ve got a good feeling about this team—I knew those auguries were a lucky sign.” 
“The only Seeker you should be obsessing over is me.” You hear James grumbling behind your back, stealing a kiss from Lily’s lips before pressing his mouth to your cheek. “And you bloody well know that Japan’s Chaser, Kurosawa, is going to steal the limelight in this match. An average possession time of thirty seconds per play. A beast, that one.” 
You wave him off, more confident in your statistics. “Did you place my bets? I’m telling you, we’re going to be rich.” 
“Yes, darling,” He says, utterly loving his role as the dutiful husband. 
Moments later, Sirius appears at his side, fussing over your scarf, and kissing you just because. “Can we take off your bloody hat now? I think you just blinded Malfoy and his little blonde gremlin.” 
“Isn’t that a good thing?” You simper fiendishly before smacking his arm. “And don’t call your nephew that.” 
Sirius grins.
You pull at one of his curls. “Besides, if you’re good you can take off everything later tonight.”
He pulls you in for a deep kiss, hand at your waist, nose brushing each other’s. “And that is why I love you, dear wife.” 
You pout, albeit seeing right through his white, little jape. “Truly?” 
Sirius lands another kiss to your forehead. “Are you doubting me, loveliest love of my life? The lighthouse in my ocean storms. The apple of my eye. Fire in my loins—”
You slap a hand over his mouth. “I get it, thank you, my love.” 
Sirius beams from ear to ear. “Glad to have eased your doubts, darling.”
Thirty minutes into the match, Remus arrives, dressed in a muted gray suit, light brown hair flopping over his eyes. He greets everyone with a tired kiss. 
You immediately wrap him in a hug, nuzzling your nose into his neck. He had a particularly difficult full moon some nights ago. You press a tender kiss to the scar right below his jaw. “How was work? Did you bring my binder? It has my lesson plan for next week, I don’t want to return to the castle unprepared, and—”
The newest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor squeezes your waist. “Work was fine, pet. And no, I didn’t bring the papers because right now we are not working. We are going to watch Brazil win the bloody match and get right home to Harry after.” 
You, the newest Divination teacher of Hogwarts, tug him by his necktie, smiling coyly. “Sounds like a wonderful plan to me.” 
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BONUS: 
“REMUS!”
The empty classroom is filled with soft, fervid moans—two professors especially drunk on the taste of each other’s lips. You’re seated on the desk, Remus wedged between your thighs, his hand inching dangerously higher and higher; the other hand slipping under your shirt and thumbing the bare skin underneath. He captures your whispers and mewls with his lips. Jackets and ties are tossed carelessly to the side. 
“So fucking beautiful.” He nips at your lower lip. 
“Rem. . .” You whimper, tugging at the strands of his hair. “Remus—please!” 
The door to the DADA classroom slams open and you two detangle from each other’s embrace in record speed. As you pat down your hair, Remus draping his blazer over your shoulders, you watch Lily and Harry stalk over to you in lengthy strides, reaching the both of you within seconds. You clear your throat, awkwardly averting your gaze from your son’s precious eyes; Lily, a moment away from throwing her head back in laughter. 
Harry, fourteen, and not at all ignorant to what couples do in the castle alcoves, sees the ruffled hair, the lipstick over his father’s cheeks and neck, and his parent’s misbuttoned blouse. 
He grimaces. “You two are disgusting, you know that right?” 
You guffaw, pinching his cheek. “Now, is that any way to greet the person who’s changed your diapers since you were a baby?” 
Lily cackles from Remus’s side, fixing the collar of his shirt. “Harry’s got a bit of a problem. Go on, tell them, my love.” 
Harry immediately throws his hands in the air, groaning frustratedly. “It’s Ron! He thinks I put my name in the bloody Goblet—!” 
“Which, I will still be having a word with Dumbledore about,” You say decisively. You’re not about to endanger your son. The Minister of Magic and the Headmaster be damned. They can also take it up with your husband, James, Head Auror of the Magical Law Enforcement department. 
“And now Ron’s not talking to me, Hermione’s not talking to me because I’m not talking to Ron—Colin’s following me around everywhere I go! I’m going mad, mum!” Harry slumps on one of the empty chairs, huffing. “Stupid bloody tournament.” 
You chuckle as you walk over to him, feeling an odd sense of déjà vu. “Take it from me.” You press a warm kiss to his forehead. “Talk to them, otherwise you’ll lose time that was meant to be spent together. It doesn’t matter who was wrong or who was right. It’s important that you have the courage to reach out. They’re your friends. They will understand your heart soon enough.” 
Harry blinks. “Thanks.” 
He exits the classroom in a daze, heavily pondering on your words. 
The door clicks shut, and Lily wordlessly locks the entrance. She turns to you and Remus, a sultry grin on her ruby red lips. “What are the chances we Floo home, and invite Sirius and James to join us?” 
You take her outstretched hand. “A hundred and twelve.”
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a/n. i wasn't satisfied with the angst here.. so expect a hufflepuff!reader and enemies to lovers next time (i promise to do better in the next fic aaakfsh) tell me what u thought of this one EUEUEU HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS FIC!! heart heart
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hyuckiefluff · 2 months ago
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MOONSTRUCK | p. jisung
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pairing: werewolf!hufflepuff! jisung x hufflepuff!fem. reader genre: best friends to lovers, hogwarts/supernatural au, angst, smut. wc: 18.3k+ summary: after a cruel prank leaves jisung cursed, he withdraws from everyone—including you, his closest friend. but secrets can't stay hidden forever, and when a full moon pulls you into the darkness he's tried so desperately to conceal, there's no going back. content warnings: werewolf lore & transformation, drug usage, rut/mating behavior, rough sex, biting/marking, mild breeding kink, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, knotting, bulge kink, mentions of bruising & blood, mild body horror, brief medical talk (contraceptive), aftercare. lmk if i missed any! a/n: nearly a month in the making and i can finally say i’m satisfied enough to post this lol. i’m actually really happy with how it turned out—and i finally got to write about werewolves, which has been on my list forever. canonically, werewolves in the HP universe (and most lore tbh) are dangerous nocturnal creatures and primarily bloodthirsty. but for this fic, i took a step away from that and leaned into the rut aspect instead because why not ;) pls don’t judge the cover, i had picsart and a dream lol. btw moonstruck by enhypen and nda by billie eilish are two songs u should listen to while reading this!
ps: i don’t know why i was under the assumption that everyone knows hp terms but i realized that is not the case after my mark fic 😭 so even though i didn’t use too many obscure ones here, here’s a little reference guide just in case: legilimens– someone who can read minds or emotions squib– a non-magical person born into a magical family (in this fic, it’s thrown around more like calling someone useless/coward) wolfsbane– a potion that allows werewolves to keep their mind during a full moon; in hp lore they still transform, but in this fic it's not a full transformation. feel free to message me if anything else was confusing! happy reading<3
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You didn’t expect your seventh year at Hogwarts to feel like grieving someone who was still alive.
Three months ago, Park Jisung was still your best friend. Now, he can’t even stand being near you. 
The suddenness of this change was something you couldn’t wrap around your head. But things don’t always fall apart all at once. Sometimes they drift until you’re left staring across a room at someone who used to know everything about you and wondering when they became a stranger.
He was the very first friend you made at Hogwarts. You remember how he barely spoke to anyone, and you sat next to him in Transfiguration class just because there was an empty seat. You charmed your quill into a frog that wouldn’t stop croaking, and when he finally cracked a smile, it felt like you’d won something important.
He was awkward and soft-spoken, unsure of himself in the way most boys are before they grow into their limbs. But you liked him instantly. Probably because he liked the same books as you, or because he never made fun of you for being nervous on a broom. 
He even held your hand during your first flying lesson, hovering near you the whole time so you wouldn’t be scared. Years later, you found out he was just as scared of heights as you were and only pretended not to be to make you feel safe.
By fifth year, you spent so much time together that you could finish each other’s sentences. By sixth, you were bringing blankets to the highest tower in the castle and naming stars until you both fell asleep mid conversation. There wasn’t a single version of your life in Hogwarts that didn’t include him.
You thought seventh year would be just like that…. 
You were wrong.
After a summer of sending each other daily letters, pages and pages of thoughts, jokes, and half-sincere promises to never grow up, you returned to school thinking nothing could change.
And at first, it didn’t.
You walked to classes together, fell asleep with your legs tangled on the same couch, pretending not to hear the way people whispered about it the next morning, and snuck out of the common room after curfew not caring that you’d get caught.
The Astronomy Tower was your favorite place, you discovered how pretty it looked at night in your third year. 
It was quiet that evening, the wind tugging at your robes as you leaned over the battlement. Jisung set down the little paper packet he’d smuggled from the kitchens—honey biscuits, still warm—and nudged it toward you.
“Payment for helping with my Potions homework,” he said, trying to be casual, though the tips of his ears were already pink.
You laughed and took one, bumping his shoulder with yours. “You’d owe me a whole bakery if this were the price.”
He smiled softly. The moonlight caught in his hair, and for a second you forgot the chill entirely.
“Close your eyes,” he said suddenly.
You arched an eyebrow but obeyed. Something light, wool‑soft, was placed around your shoulders. You opened your eyes to find a black‑and‑yellow scarf wrapped there, smelling faintly of cedarwood soap and parchment ink—purely, unmistakably Jisung.
“Did you make this?” you asked, caressing the soft fabric.
“Erm… yeah, you lost yours and it’s starting to get cold outside.” He mumbled, eyes on his shoes. “I couldn’t have my star‑chart partner freeze.”
You swallowed a reply that felt too big, and instead reached for his hand where it rested on the stone ledge. Your fingers threaded with his, easy as blinking. He stiffened for a second then squeezed back. When you looked up, his gaze was already fixed on you, wide and bright, as though the whole sky were reflected there instead of above your heads.
Neither of you moved for a long while. Orion wheeled overhead, the biscuits cooled, and the castle bells tolled curfew far below. But the only thing you really noticed was the warmth of his palm against yours, and the way your heart tripped every time he glanced your way and smiled shyly. 
You learned just how soft‑hearted Jisung was that day on the Astronomy Tower.
Which is why, a few weeks into seventh year, it struck you as utterly wrong when rumors reached you that he’d been seen tagging along behind Lee Seungmin. Seungmin was everything Jisung wasn’t—loud, sharp‑tongued, the sort of Slytherin who thought shoving first‑years into suits of armor was a hobby and swapping curse ingredients under the table was a joke. He hexed quills to peck at classmates and bragged about detentions like they were trophies.  
Jisung, by contrast, apologized when he bumped into someone and brought extra quills for anyone who forgot theirs. He flinched at raised voices and fed the barn owls after hours because he worried they were lonely.
So hearing his name linked with Seungmin’s felt like hearing that rain was falling upward. At first you laughed it off, because surely someone must have mixed him up with another quiet Hufflepuff. But then Jisung started arriving late to meals, dodging your study sessions, mumbling vague excuses you’d never heard from him before.
That was when you realized the rumor wasn’t a mistake—and that something was very, very wrong.
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Seventh Year
September settled over the castle in a bright rush of golden leaves and new parchment, and for a while everything felt the way it always had. You and Jisung were crossing the courtyard—still laughing about his theory that Professor Lockhart polished his hair with Mrs. Skower’s Extra‑Shine—when a voice cut through the chatter behind you.
“Oi, Park!”
You both turned. Lee Seungmin jogged toward you, grinning widelys. You didn’t bother hiding your sigh.
“Still on for tonight?” he asked, dropping his voice as he leaned in toward Jisung.
“I’m not sure. I’ve got a Potions essay to finish.” Jisung shifted akwardly.
Seungmin smacked him on the back, too hard to be friendly. “Come on, you’ve bailed twice already.”
You stepped forward, folding your arms. “Don’t you have that same essay, Seungmin? It’s half the term grade.”
He turned, as if noticing you for the first time and smirked “Why bother? Snape’s going to fail me anyway.”
“Typical,” you muttered.
“I’ll let you know later,” Jisung said quickly, cutting between you before another jab could leave your mouth.
Seungmin’s gaze lingered on you, faintly mocking, before he turned away with a humorless laugh. “Sure thing, Park.”
The moment he was out of earshot you exhaled. “Since when are you and Seungmin… close?”
“We’re not,” Jisung said, scratching at the back of his neck. “He just hangs around sometimes.”
You searched his face. “You two have nothing in common.”
“It isn’t a big deal,” he insisted, but the laugh that followed sounded fake.
“It is if you’re sneaking off with someone like him,” you said, sharper than you meant to, but the worry was too much to hide.
Jisung’s gaze dropped to his shoes. “I didn’t think it was worth mentioning.”
You didn’t say anything after that. You just walked the rest of the way to class in silence with a sense of unease settling on your chest.
That was when the distance began to show.
First, he started seating two rows over in Charms, smiling apologetically whenever you glanced his way but never moving back. He stopped leaving crooked little jokes on the margins of your Transfiguration notes or looking at you and trying not to laugh whenever Professor Lockhart messed up a spell.
He still spoke to you, yet every conversation felt stitched together, as if he were acting out a script. One afternoon you finally asked, “Are we all right?” He nodded so quickly you had a hard time believing it.
The next time you saw him with Seungmin it was well past curfew.
You had just left the library after wrestling Arithmancy proofs and stopped short as soon as you rounded the corner near the dungeon stairs. There was Seungmin leaning against the wall and Jisung half‑turned away, both speaking in low murmurs. You caught only fragments of Seungmin’s lazy drawl and Jisung’s tight replies. Then Seungmin laughed sharply, and your best friend flinched as though struck.
Your loud footsteps made both of their heads snap up.
“Y/N,” Jisung blurted, striding toward you as if to block your view. “Why are you out so late?”
“I could ask you the same.” You said arching a brow.
Behind him, Seungmin offered a thin grin before slipping down the stairs into the darkness of the dungeons.
Jisung pressed a hand to his eyes. “I was heading back to the dorm.”
“What did he want?”
“He—” Jisung’s voice faltered and for a heartbeat you saw the words gather behind his lips but he swallowed them down. “It’s nothing.”
“Nothing?” Your voice cracked on the word. “Come on, Ji.”
“I’m just tired,” he whispered. “Can we talk tomorrow?”
Silence pooled between you, at last you forced a smile neither of you believed. “All right. Tomorrow.”
But tomorrow never arrived—at least, not the kind where he told you what was wrong.
Because the next day Jisung never came to class at all.
Two whole days slid by without a glimpse of him and you were so on edge you kept glancing over your shoulder, half‑expecting his soft voice behind you. Or hoping he might walk into the library with that shy lopsided smile, asking if you had spare parchment which he always ran out of because his handwriting was too big and messy.
But he wasn’t anywhere, and no one seemed willing to notice besides you.
By lunch on the second day you couldn’t keep silent. Renjun was halfway through a Honeydukes bar, mumbling that chocolate boosted cognitive function, when you leaned across the table and murmured, “Do you know what’s going on with Jisung?”
He froze mid‑bite. “What?”
“Renjun,” you said, low and tight, “you know he hasn’t been to class, or in the common room. He isn’t anywhere.”
“I thought he was sick,” Renjun offered with a shrug that felt rehearsed.
“He isn’t in the hospital wing, and he hasn’t answered any of my owls.”
A flicker of something, maybe guilt, crossed his face. “Maybe he just… needs space?”
Your gaze sharpened. “Did something happen?”
“No,” he blurted too fast. “No, not that I know of.”
“Renjun.”
“I swear, I don’t know.” He wouldn’t meet your eyes. That was answer enough, but you let it drop for now.
That evening, heading back from a prefect meeting, you passed the hidden entrance to the Slytherin common room and heard voices up the corridor.
You weren’t trying to eavesdrop—until one word snapped you still.
“Jisung.”
“Snape got to him before—”
“—thought he was going to die, mate—”
“—Seungmin won’t shut up, keeps saying it wasn’t meant to go that far—”
A rush of blood pounded in your ears as you picked up bits of the hushed conversation. You edged closer and caught sight of Jay and Niki—Seungmin’s friends—half hidden in the shadows, whispering behind cupped hands.
Your fingers curled into fists at your sides. Your thoughts finally being confirmed; Something happened to Jisung and Seungmin was at the heart of it.
You didn’t sleep a minute that night. Every time you shut your eyes, the conversation replayed in your head until dawn bled through the curtains and you were already out of bed, fury keeping you upright.
You found Seungmin loitering outside the Great Hall, laughing too loudly at something Jay and Niki had said. You crossed the marble floor without a second thought.
“Where is he?”
The smile slipped from Seungmin’s face. He cocked his head, all polite confusion. “Sorry, where’s who?”
“Drop the act,” you said, stepping close enough that he had to tilt his chin to keep eye contact. “I heard your lackeys talking last night. Where’s Jisung?”
Jay and Niki exchanged a look but said nothing..
Seungmin gave a thin, brittle laugh. “You’re hearing ghosts, sweetheart. Why would I bother with Park?”
“A better question,” you started, voice cold, “is why you’ve been so attached to him lately. You don’t exactly run in the same circles, so what did you talk him into?”
Something sharpened in Seungmin’s eyes and he leaned in by a fraction. “Careful with what you’re accusing me of.”
“Or what?” You didn’t move. “You’ll do to me what you did to him?”
For a heartbeat his mask slipped, just long enough to confirm you’d scored a direct hit.
“I didn’t touch him,” he said, almost gently. “Whatever mess Park’s in? He walked into it himself”
“Liar.”
He dipped his head, a mock‑sympathetic smile curling at his mouth. “You think you know him so well, huh? Ever think that maybe he finally got tired of you shadowing him like a needy bitc—”
Your wand was at his throat before the last word finished leaving his lips. The corridor went silent except for your breathing.
“You know nothing about us,” you said, voice shaking with contained fury. “If he’s hurt, I’ll make sure everyone here knows exactly whose fault it is.”
Seungmin’s gaze flicked to the tip of your wand, then back to your face. A slow, poisonous smile spread. “Ask too many questions, Y/N, and you might choke on the answers.”
He stepped back with his hands raised in surrender, and strolled away. Jay and Niki followed in uneasy silence. You lowered your wand, fingers trembling with adrenaline.
His parting smile told you everything about his involvement. But you still didn’t have clear answers.
So you went to seek the other person allegedly involved. Snape.
When you descended into the dungeons, the silence was immediate and unnatural. No one ever came this far during free periods; only Professor Snape’s office existed at the end of this corridor, buried deep in the coldest, most isolated part of the castle.
Faint green flames floated midair along the walls, suspended in enchanted sconces that made no sound and cast no warmth. They pulsed gently, like breathing, and their glow warped the stone around them, making the shadows twist in ways that defied logic.
You hated it down here. Even now, in your seventh year, walking this corridor alone made your heart thud against your ribs like it wanted you to turn back.
But you were desperate.
Snape looked up slowly when you stepped into his office without knocking, his quill pausing mid-sentence on the parchment. His expression went from mildly irritated to coldly displeased in an instant.
“Is knocking a forgotten concept these days?” he said dryly.
“Professor,” you began quickly, not even trying to hide the urgency in your voice. “I need to talk to you.”
Snape set down his quill, arching a single eyebrow. “Then I suggest you start talking, and make it quick.”
You swallowed. “It’s about Jisung… Park Jisung. He’s been missing for days, and no one seems to know anything. Or at least, they’re pretending they don’t.”
His gaze sharpened and for a second, you thought you saw a flicker of caution behind his eyes before he quickly masked it.
“I fail to see why you’re bringing this to me,” he said coolly, leaning back in his chair. “Missing students are a matter for the headmaster.”
“Don’t,” you snapped before you could stop yourself. Snape’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but you pressed forward anyway. “I overheard some students talking. They mentioned your name…said you found Jisung somewhere. Something happened to him, didn’t it?”
Snape’s eyes flashed briefly. “And you believe the idle gossip of students because…?”
“Jisung wouldn’t just disappear on his own like that. I know something happened to him,” you shot back, voice shaking. “And I believe you know exactly what.”
He watched you silently for a moment. You could feel him weighing something behind his guarded stare. Finally, he exhaled sharply.
“Miss Y/N,” he began slowly, voice heavy with thinly veiled warning, “there are things within these castle walls and beyond them that you are better off not knowing.”
“That’s not your choice to make,” you said immediately.
“On the contrary,” he replied calmly. “It is precisely my choice. And you will do well to remember that.”
Your fists clenched at your sides, frustration prickling hot behind your eyes. “Professor, please. Jisung’s my best friend. If he’s hurt… if something’s happened… I need to know.”
Something shifted in Snape’s expression at your words, almost looked like regret. When he spoke, his voice was almost gentle, which frightened you more than his scorn.
“Sometimes the worst harm you can do to someone is to keep prying.”
He paused, holding your gaze steadily. “Park is alive. That is all you need to know. Now leave.”
You stood frozen for a second, his words sinking in painfully. Jisung was alive—yet somehow, that felt worse. It meant something had happened… Something terrible.
Your jaw tightened. “You can’t keep this hidden forever,” you whispered fiercely.
He leaned forward, eyes piercing yours in the darkness of the room.
“We’ll see.”
You turned away, storming from his office without looking back. Snape hadn’t denied anything which meant there’d definitely been an incident and it was serious enough that Jisung couldn’t be seen right now. He was alive, but he was hurt, and whatever happened to him was being deliberately hidden.
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A few days later
The day started like any other.
You pushed cold eggs across your plate, half listening to Renjun’s gentle attempts at conversation while the Great Hall hummed as if a student hadn’t been missing for a week. But suddenly, a hush rolled through the room.
You felt Renjun touch your arm.
“Y/N.”
You looked up, and followed his gaze toward the doors. The breath caught in your throat.
Jisung was standing just inside the oak doors.
He was bent at the shoulders, eyes flicking over the Hall as if he didn’t remember ever being there before. His robes hung wrinkled and loose and there were red scratches carved along his neck and cheek. He was paler than before and the shadows beneath his eyes made him look years older than when you’d last seen him.
Without greeting anyone, he drifted to the far end of the Hufflepuff table nowhere near his usual seat beside you.
You were on your feet before the thought finished forming.
Renjun caught your wrist. “Y/N, maybe wait—”
You shook him off and crossed the hall, every step echoing in the sudden quiet.
“Jisung?”
He flinched but kept his gaze on the empty plate. “Not now, Y/N.”
“You’ve been gone a week,” you whispered, voice trembling. “I was so worried—”
“I said not now.” The snap in his voice was sharp enough to cut. He glanced up and the terror in his eyes chilled you to the bone.
You reached for him, but he stood so abruptly your balance faltered. Without another word he strode the length of the hall and disappeared through the doors, leaving a silence that seemed to bend the rafters.
You stood frozen, heat flushing your face as dozens of eyes slid away. Renjun appeared at your elbow and talked softly. “Let him breathe.”
You nodded, though the emptiness in your chest insisted otherwise.
Jisung returned to lessons, but only in body. He answered professors in one‑word murmurs and offered classmates strained smiles that meant please don’t talk to me. At meals he sat alone, two yards of empty bench marking the space where laughter used to live.
He moved faster when he saw you in the corridors. He no longer waited outside classrooms or drifted toward your chair in the library. His robes hung loose as if he’d lost weight along with sleep, and his hands shook whenever he raised his wand. Sometimes you caught him staring through stone walls at something only he could see.
You tried with soft hellos in the common room, and owls folded with careful questions but every attempt slid off the wall he’d built overnight. The harder you reached, the farther he retreated, until all that remained between you was silence and the memory of how easily you’d once shared the same breath.
2 days later
Jisung sat on the edge of his bed, head buried in his shaking hands. His palms were marked with crescent-shaped indentations from how hard he was clenching his fists.
He kept hearing it.
The snap of branches in pitch-black darkness. The sickening crunch of claws sinking into damp earth. The guttural snarl vibrating through his bones moments before razor-sharp teeth pierced his shoulder. The thick warmth of blood soaking through his robes.
Sometimes it came to him in dreams. Other times, he’d be awake, in class, or walking down the corridor. A sound, or a smell and he was back in the forest.
Snape had said the wolfsbane would help and it had in a way. At least, it kept the full transformation at bay. But it didn’t stop the memories, it didn’t quiet the noise in his head.
His senses were too sharp now, every creak of the floorboards, every flicker of candlelight, every rustle of parchment felt louder. Sometimes he thought he could hear people’s heartbeats, smell their sweat before they entered a room. His insides constantly felt overwhelmed with unbearable energy. He felt trapped in his own skin, moments away from tearing free of himself. Sometimes he felt too much, and other times… he felt nothing at all.
Worst of all, though, was you.
He couldn't stand to be near you anymore. Not because he didn't want to, but because your scent now stirred something dangerous within him. It made his chest ache unbearably, tightened his throat with longing and thirst.
A part of him urged him to get far away from you. But another darker, more primal part whispered the opposite… to scent you, to sink into you, to lose control entirely. But he refused to drag you into his nightmare. He wouldn't allow it, no matter how much it tore at him.
He could remember most of what led him into the forest, up to a certain point.
He remembers Seungmin saying he wanted to hang out and they met near the edge of the Forbidden Forest, where one of the slytherins handed out something called shadeleaf. It was an iridescent petal folded into itself like a capsule. Illegal, of course. Banned by the ministry for its hallucinogenic properties and its tendency to react differently based on magical affinity.
Jisung didn't even know why he was there. This wasn’t his scene at all. The guys were drinking something out of a flask that smelled like burnt sugar and smoke. Jay was lighting up a rolled spell-scroll with charmed embers. Niki already looked half out of it, eyes glazed.
When Seungmin started showing an interest in him a few weeks ago, Jisung had been flattered. He'd only ever made two close friends at Hogwarts, so someone new noticing him felt good. That was the only reason he went along with him. He wanted to be accepted.
“Is it safe?” Jisung asked nervously.
“Come on, park,” Niki chuckled, placing a shimmering petal on his tongue. “Don’t be a Squib.”
“What's the worst that could happen?” Seungmin grinned, handing one to him. “You trip a bit? See some weird shit? Wake up with a headache?”
Jisung hesitated, staring at the thing in his palm. It pulsed faintly with a color he didn’t have a name for.
He didn't want to do it, but they were all watching him. So he took it.
The effects hit almost instantly. His vision went fuzzy first; he could only see edges warping and light bending at impossible angles. Then his tongue tingled and throbbed, and his body felt too hot.
“Shit, this is strong,” Jay laughed.
“It’s not that bad,” Seungmin said, puffing from the smoldering scroll between his fingers.
None of them looked as affected as Jisung.
"Come on, Park," Seungmin said, draping an arm casually yet firmly around Jisung’s shoulders. "There’s a spot a little deeper in. We hang out there all the time."
Jisung couldn’t hear properly anymore, everything sounded underwater. He followed anyway.
He couldn’t say how long they walked. It felt like hours, though in reality it was probably mere minutes before his knees gave out, sending him sprawling onto the cold forest floor. His head spun violently, vision fractured.
He tried to speak, to call out but his voice didn't work, the forest blurring darker and darker until only silence and blackness swallowed him whole. He didn’t know when they left him. Just that at some point, he was alone.
The last thing he remembers was seeing bright, yellow eyes and feeling immense pain…
He woke up choking on his own blood.
His body jerked violently, lungs burning as he struggled to take in air. He felt strong hands grip his shoulders, pulling him upright with urgency. Through blurry, half-open eyes, he caught the outline of a wand glowing faintly in the dark. He barely recognized the familiar cadence of Professor Snape’s voice echoing through the haze.
“Park… Can you hear me?” Snape’s voice was clipped, edged with tension he’d never heard before.
Jisung managed only a strangled groan. He couldn’t speak, his throat was raw, filled with the metallic tang of blood. Breathing felt impossible, each gasp shallow and painful, as if his lungs were full of lead. He felt wetness soaking through his clothes and pooling beneath him. He didn't know if it was sweat or blood. Probably both, his clouded mind whispered darkly.
He was certain of only one thing—he was going to die here.
“You’ve been attacked,” Snape explained urgently, casting quick charms that rippled warmly across Jisung’s battered body. “I need you to remain as still as possible while I attempt to slow the bleeding.”
The word attacked echoed faintly in Jisung’s mind. Attacked by what? His thoughts swirled sluggishly. He couldn’t focus enough to piece anything together.
Snape pressed a small vial to his lips. The Hufflepuff hesitated, eyes flickering up weakly, his question dying soundlessly on cracked lips.
Snape seemed to understand instantly. “It’s Wolfsbane.”
The word crashed over Jisung with crushing weight, his mind snapping painfully back to clarity. Wolfsbane. A potion for…
His stomach twisted violently, nausea gripping him as realization cut sharply through the fog in his mind.
He’d been attacked by a werewolf.
It felt impossible. He wanted to deny it, wanted to believe it was just some twisted nightmare brought on by the drugs he’d foolishly taken. But the pain burning through his shoulder and the dark, grim expression on Snape’s face all made denial impossible.
With trembling lips, Jisung allowed Snape to tip the bitter potion into his mouth, grimacing weakly as he forced himself to swallow it down. It tasted vile but he had no energy left to protest.
He collapsed back against the cold forest floor, limbs heavy, vision fading once more as Snape continued muttering charms, trying to keep him tethered to consciousness.
“Stay with me, Park,” Snape’s voice commanded, sharp but oddly comforting. “You’re not going to die tonight.”
But Jisung wasn’t sure he believed him.
The darkness rushed back in, heavy and thick, pulling him under again as Snape’s frantic movements blurred and faded away.
His memory is fuzzy from then on.
One moment he was lying in the dirt, blood soaking the ground beneath him. The next, he was being levitated through narrow hallways, his body wrapped in magic and warding charms.
The room was dark, except for a wandlight hovering near the ceiling. He was placed on a dusty mattress on the floor. His skin felt stiff with blood, every muscle felt like it had been peeled apart and sewn back together with barbed wire.
He recognized the Shrieking Shack from an article he’d read once about the most haunted places on Earth. That’s where they were right now.
The shack was colder than he imagined. This was the place they used to tell ghost stories about in the common room. The place kids dared each other to peek into on Hogsmeade weekends. It smelled like old wood and dust. Snape moved through it like he’d been here before—like this was routine.
He cast a dozen silent spells before even speaking. Layers of enchantments wrapped around the rotting floorboards, the shattered furniture, the warped windows.
“You must take this Wolfsbane every day,” Snape said curtly, setting a tray on the floor beside the creaking mattress. “Or I’ll force it down your throat.”
Jisung didn’t answer. Snape paused, studying him with that unreadable stare.
“You’ll stay here until the full moon passes,” he said. “You’ll say nothing when you return.”
Jisung blinked slowly, the weight of it sinking into his bones. ‘When you return… or If’.
Then Snape turned to go but he stopped in the doorway.
“You are not the first,” he said, voice low. “It will be painful but you’ll survive.”
And with that, he was gone.
The silence was the most unbearable part of being in the Shack. Not even the pain or the way Jisung’s bones ached like they were preparing to snap apart. It was the silence that made him feel like he’d go crazy any minute.
He tried to sleep, but whenever he tried he’d blink awake to phantom sensations of fur brushing his skin, fangs pushing against his teeth, and a sweet scent of honey curling through the cracks in the floorboards.
It wasn’t the full moon yet but his body was already responding to it. The Wolfsbane kept him from changing completely, but it didn’t stop everything. His skin itched as if it was being stretched and he realized he’d grown a few inches taller overnight. His eyes were also becoming sensitive to even the faintest flickers of light, and they were a dark shade of yellow that glowed whenever the moonlight hit them.
It might’ve been on the second night or the third, he couldn’t remember well, but Snape came in and told him that the full moon would be at its peak and he would feel the effects more despite the potion.
Jisung lasted about two hours before the pain began. It wasn’t sudden. It crept in slowly, like frostbite, numbing his fingers first. Then his wrists and his legs. He thought maybe this was it—maybe he’d just fade out before anything happened. Then it spread up his spine and into his skull, where it bloomed behind his eyes like fire.
The pain was so much bigger than his body. It burned and it shredded him, as if his bones were being broken and rebuilt at the same time, like his skin wasn’t big enough to hold him anymore. He scratched at his own arms until his nails cracked and bled. It got so unbearable he slammed his head against the wall hoping he would knock himself out but he couldn’t.
He clawed at the walls, tore at the floorboards and bit into the wood until his mouth filled with splinters and blood. He howled until his throat tore raw. And still, it didn’t stop
He lost count of how many times his limbs broke and reformed. His jaw cracked open so wide he thought it might dislocate, teeth pushing through bloody gums. He was sobbing or at least, he thought he was. It was hard to tell over the sound of his own growling.
The transformation stopped halfway and started again the next day. He never fully transformed but he felt the pain of his body trying to fight against it every single time.
He stopped counting days after that.
Hunger and exhaustion tangled with grief and fear until all that was left was the throb of his body and the steady hum of magic in his blood. He didn’t think about the pain anymore. Or the bite. Or Seungmin. Or the forest.
Mostly, he thought about you.
He tried not to, but you wouldn’t leave him. Your face, your laugh, your voice, it all circled him like the moonlight through the slats in the wall.
The way the thought of you made his body burn now.The way your honeyed scent used to be comforting but now made his lungs tighten and his mouth water. He didn’t understand why he was feeling this way.
On the seventh day he woke up soaked in sweat, shivering uncontrollably. The moon had passed. He could feel it in the way the ache in his bones was retreating and his mind was clearer.
Snape arrived at dawn.
He said nothing about the mess of blood and broken furniture in the room. He just studied Jisung who was sitting slumped against the wall. He pulled out his wand and started casting diagnostic spells over his body.
“You’ll return to class tomorrow,” he said. “If anyone asks, you were ill.”
Jisung didn’t move.
Snape continued impassively. “You are not to mention the Wolfsbane, the forest, or what you’ve become. Do you understand?”
Jisung finally looked at him, barely able to lift his head properly. “That’s it? Just… go back like nothing happened?” His voice came out hoarse.
Snape’s eyes narrowed faintly. “No. That is not it.”
He stepped closer.
“You will take your potion every cycle, no matter what. And you will not seek out the other boys involved, nor will you retaliate.”
Jisung’s jaw clenched. He wanted nothing more than to rip Seungmin’s throat apart, but he knew that was just the wolf thinking.
“And most importantly, you will stay away from her.” Snape said, his voice dropping at the last word.
Jisung sat up sharply, knowing exactly who he was referring to. “Why?”
The professor’s expression didn’t soften. “Because the wolf doesn’t care that she’s your friend. It doesn’t care about boundaries or guilt or decency. It responds to need.”
Jisung’s chest tightened, throat dry.
“The first few transformations are the worst,” Snape continued, pacing slowly now. “Your body hasn’t adjusted. Your instincts haven’t aligned with your mind. You will feel urges…violent, territorial, carnal urges that you can’t control. Those urges will turn into fixations... Especially for someone you already had feelings for”
“I don’t–” Jisung started.
“You don’t need to lie, Mr. Park.” Snape cut him off, “I am a very skilled Legilimens, you know? I can see your mind and I see how it’s filled with thoughts of her.”
Jisung looked away, jaw trembling slightly. Snape stopped in front of him.
“Her scent” he said quietly. “It already triggers you, doesn’t it?”
Jisung didn’t answer. That sweet scent of honey and parchment that he kept smelling through the rotting floors and the dried blood, he figured out it was you. It reminded him of that night at the Astronomy tower.The Shrieking Shack might be a few miles away from Hogwarts castle but he could still somehow smell you.
“You feel it in your chest, in your teeth, in your gut” Snape said, voice like a scalpel. “You want her.”
Jisung’s breathing picked up.
“That is the beginning of your rut.”
“Rut?” he repeated, barely above a whisper.
Snape nodded. “It’s a biological response. Wolves enter a heightened state after the full moon cycle. Some experience it more than others, especially younger ones who’ve recently turned”
Jisung’s heart was pounding now, nauseatingly fast.
“You may feel sudden impulses or worse you might want to act on those impulses.”
He felt sick. “I’m not— I would never hurt her.”
“I’m not concerned about your intentions,” Snape said coldly. “I’m concerned about your self control. A werewolf’s instincts are hard to resist and if you lose control, Mr. Park… She will pay the price.”
“So stay away from her,” Snape said with finality. “It’s the only way to keep you both safe.”
Jisung sat there shaking, the weight of what he’d become pressing down on his spine like a second body.
He couldn’t go back. Not like this.
“I’m not ready,” he said hoarsely.
Snape didn’t turn. He stood by the window, watching the last of the night dissolve into grey morning.
“You won’t ever be,” he said simply.
Jisung clenched his jaw. “I don’t want to see her. Or anyone. I—I can’t trust myself.”
“You must learn to live with your current situation.”
“Why can’t I just… stay here?”
Snape turned at that. His eyes were cold and calculating.
“Because people are already asking questions,” he said. “Students, staff. Your friend.”
Jisung’s heart stuttered at that.
“She’s worried,” Snape continued. “Rightfully so. You disappeared without warning. She’s been to my office several times. She’s even confronted the student who got you into this predicament, pulled out a wand at him. I don’t know how much longer I can keep her from endangering herself trying to find you.”
Jisung lowered his head, guilt flooding every nerve.
“Rumors are spreading, too.” Snape added. “A few students are saying they saw you with Mr. Lee that night. Some think you were injured, others that you’re in trouble. You’ve already been gone too long.”
Jisung swallowed hard. “So I just walk into the Great Hall acting like I’m normal?”
Snape didn’t blink. “Yes.”
His stomach turned. “And if someone sees the scars?”
“You’ll say you had an accident in the forest.”
“And you’ll back me up?” he asked bitterly.
“If I must.”
Jisung exhaled shakily. “And Y/N? We—we’re always together, she’ll find it weird if I suddenly cut her off”
“You’ll keep your distance regardless. If she asks questions, you deflect. If she pushes, you walk away. You’re not safe around her”
He bit his lip hard, so hard it almost bled. “She’ll know something’s wrong.”
“Then hope she’s smart enough not to get too close.”
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The doors to the Great Hall had never felt so heavy. Jisung stood in front of them for nearly five minutes, staring at the carved wood. Behind them, he heard laughter, casual conversation, normalcy.
He wasn’t ready.
But Snape’s words echoed in his skull.
"You’ve already been gone too long."
He took a breath and pushed them open.
All the noise overcame him like a wave, the plates clinking, voices overlapping, owls fluttering through the rafters. It all felt loud in a way it hadn’t before, as if someone had turned the world’s volume up just to punish him.
He kept his head low and his pace steady. One foot in front of the other. Just like Snape said. Act like nothing happened.
He could feel all eyes on him almost instantly. First years stopping mid-bite and a few seventh-years whispering across the Gryffindor table. Someone, he thought maybe Jay, froze with a goblet halfway to his lips.
And then you. He didn’t have to loo, he felt the second your eyes landed on him, making something twist deep in his chest. That same unbearable tightness he’d felt in the shack whenever he let himself think about you. About your laugh echoing across the common room. About your fingers brushing his when you passed him a quill and how it used to mean nothing, and now it meant everything.
He knew you’d notice the hollow look in his eyes, the bruises blooming like violets on his neck and the bandage peeking out from beneath the collar of his robes. You’d find it weird that he didn’t sit near you, didn’t even glance your way. But he tried to ignore those thoughts and just focus on the plate in front of him even though his stomach turned at the smell of food.
You stared at him from your seat. It took you several long, painful seconds to process what you were seeing.
Jisung—your best friend, who’d been missing a week without a word—just walked into breakfast looking like he’d seen hell and barely made it back out.
His robes were loose like he’d lost weight and his eyes were ringed with dark circles, exhaustion written clearly in every line of his face. There were cuts visible, thin red marks down his jaw, a deeper scar stretching beneath his collar, fading bruises on the backs of his hands. His hair was tangled, his posture painfully tense.
You felt a sick sense of relief after seeing him, despite his appearance. But most of all you felt angry. You felt everything all at once, a hot rush of emotions almost too intense to handle.
Jisung avoided your gaze completely. He picked at the food in front of him, not really eating, just pushing it around his plate.
He felt you approaching before you spoke. Your scent hit him first, warm and familiar, yet unbearably intense. His jaw clenched tight, fingers curling into fists beneath the table. He didn’t look up even when you stood near him. He simply couldn’t trust himself to see your face and not fall apart.
You called his name quietly and he almost cried at the sound of your voice. But he didn’t move, not even when you stepped closer.
Slowly, he raised his head, gaze finally meeting yours You went still, eyes widening just slightly. He knew instantly what you saw—the darkness in his stare, the shadowed bruises, the fresh scars. The way he looked wrong.
He couldn’t bear your pained eyes, so he snapped at you. Something he’d never do before, but Snape told him to deflect. So he yelled and walked away, trying to ignore how hurt you looked.
This was what Snape meant. You’re not safe around her.
You couldn’t eat after that. Not with the way he’d looked at you.
Jisung had always been soft-spoken, a little awkward, a little shy—but never cold. And you didn’t need a Healer to tell you that whatever he’d gone through wasn’t some stomach bug or routine cold. You weren’t stupid.
You saw the tremble in his fingers when he reached for his fork. You saw the way he flinched when someone behind him dropped their goblet. You saw the bruises just under his collar and the bandages.
Something happened to him.
You sat back down but your heart was still up at the other end of the table with him.
“I need to know,” you murmured, more to yourself than to Renjun.
He sighed. “Y/N…”
“Don’t say it,” you snapped quietly. “Don’t say I should give him time. Don’t say he’ll come around. I know him, Renjun. He’s scared. You don’t just disappear for a week and come back with claw marks on you neck.”
Renjun went quiet.
That silence told you more than anything else.
“Okay, I’m tired of this… You know something, don’t you?”
He avoided your gaze. “It’s not my place to say.”
That hurt. “Is it mine to not know?”
You stood abruptly, grabbing your bag. “If no one’s going to tell me the truth, I’ll figure it out myself.”
Over the next few days, you tried to get close to Jisung in every way you could think of. You waited for him outside the greenhouses after Herbology, hoping to catch him alone. You switched seats in Charms just to be nearer, and sometimes you even loitered in the corridor after Potions, telling yourself you’d walk him back to the common room.
Despite your best efforts, he continually slipped away.
He offered awkward excuses about having somewhere to be, or sometimes said nothing at all and just walked past. Most of the time, he barely managed to look at you, as if doing so caused him physical pain. This wasn’t an icy kind of avoidance, nor was it tinged with anger. It felt worse than either of those possibilities—it was as though he found everything about you unbearable, but still couldn’t muster the energy to explain why.
Once, you nearly cornered him after lunch. He was leaning against the corridor wall outside the Great Hall, head tipped back, looking utterly exhausted. In that unguarded moment, your eyes met his, and you thought you glimpsed your old friend beneath the tension he carried. Summoning the nerve you’d been collecting all day, you stepped forward.
“Can we talk?” you asked softly.
For a split second, it seemed like he might say yes. His mouth opened as though he wanted to form the words but then Professor Snape’s voice echoed from behind you.
“Miss Y/N.”
You turned around to find Snape standing there, unruffled as always, robes hanging in sharp lines. He inclined his head in an almost polite manner yet still carried the weight of an order.
“I need you to come to the dungeons,” he said in a measured tone. “There are ingredients that require sorting. I trust your handwriting is still legible.”
You tried to protest, but as soon as you turned back, Jisung had vanished. From that moment on, it became a pattern: every time you got too close to him, Snape appeared with some new task for you—an extended office hour to discuss a mistake in an essay, a request to reorganize outdated potions, or a perfectly timed interruption just as you were about to speak with Jisung privately.
On a rational level, you knew it was ridiculous to think Snape was orchestrating this on purpose; however, it was impossible to ignore how consistently he managed to swoop in whenever you finally had a chance to approach Jisung alone. You didn’t know why your professor was so intent on calling you away, and truthfully it wasn’t the main issue gripping your mind.
All you could focus on was Jisung.
He looked so different—worn down, scared, ashamed, like he was carrying a secret that weighed on his shoulders every moment of the day. Every time you tried to reach him, he withdrew further. It broke your heart, because you weren’t trying to fix him or make him talk if he didn’t want to. You just wanted to be there, to stand by him instead of watching from a distance.
Yet no matter how hard you tried, the boy who used to seek you out for study breaks and late-night jokes now seemed determined to avoid you. And the more distance he forced, the more you wanted to find out what had really happened, because this Jisung—the one who flinched when you spoke and looked away when you caught his eye—felt like a stranger wearing your best friend’s face.
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It was late, far too late for anyone else to be out of bed. So when you heard commotion up in the Astronomy Tower during one of your prefect rounds, you instinctively climbed the stairs to inspect, your wand held loosely in your fingertips.
The castle had felt too quiet lately. Ever since Jisung came back, everything had been off balance. You’d even taken extra patrols just to keep your mind busy. You weren’t expecting to find anything up there except maybe a few rowdy owls.
But when you pushed open the heavy wooden door to the Astronomy Tower, you froze at the sight.
Jisung was there, hunched against the railing, his robes half-open, hands gripping the stone balustrade so tightly you saw his knuckles pale even from across the room.
"Jisung?" you said softly, hesitant.
His head snapped up instantly, and your breath caught in your throat.
His eyes were wild, pupils blown wide, irises shimmering unnaturally gold beneath the moonlight. Sweat gleamed across his pale forehead, his hair was messy and damp, sticking to his face. His breathing came harsh and fast, almost feral.
You took a cautious step forward. "Jisung, are you okay?"
"Stay back," he choked out, voice strained and rough. "Don't come closer."
But you saw the tremble in his arms, the feverish brightness in his eyes. He looked sick. He looked scared.
"What’s wrong? Let me help—"
"No." He shook his head violently, squeezing his eyes shut as if fighting himself. "You can't—I'm not—"
He trailed off, stumbling forward as if pulled by some invisible force toward you. He was breathing heavily, lips parted as he seemed to taste the air between you.
"Jisung—"
Your voice cut off as his gaze snapped sharply to yours again, something raw and dangerous flaring in his eyes. It sent a shiver racing down your spine, and you instinctively backed away half a step.
"Leave," he hissed, the word barely recognizable through his clenched teeth. His whole body seemed rigid with tension. "Please, leave before—"
He broke off with a gasp, doubling over as though a wave of pain had just wracked through him.
You rushed forward instinctively, panic clouding your caution. "Jisung!"
He moved faster than your eyes could track. One moment he was curled into himself and the next he had you pinned against the cold stone floor, wrists pressed tightly beside your head, his face inches from yours, breath hot and erratic against your neck.
"Ji—" Your voice cracked. "What are you—"
He inhaled deeply against your throat, his body trembling against yours. "God, you smell so—" His voice was ragged and broken, almost a sob. "I can't—I can't stop it, I—"
He pressed closer instinctively, hips pinning you hard against the floor. His lips grazed roughly against your neck, sharp teeth skimming dangerously along your pulse point. Your heart slammed against your ribs, fear tangled confusingly with something hot in your lower belly.
"Jisung, please," you whispered, half plea, half gasp. "You're scaring me."
Those words seemed to pierce through whatever haze had overtaken him. He jerked back, eyes wide, suddenly horrified at himself. His gaze flicked down to your wrists, already bruising beneath his grip, and he stumbled away as if burned.
"No," he whispered, horror and guilt bleeding openly into his expression. "I didn't—I wouldn't—"
You stayed frozen on the floor, chest heaving as you watched the agony twist across his face.
"What’s happening to you?" you breathed, sitting up slowly.
He stared at you, anguished, hands still trembling at his sides.
"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly. "I—I'm so sorry."
Before you could say another word, he turned sharply and bolted down the stairs, leaving you alone, shaking, and terrified.
The Hufflepuff common room was quiet when you walked in. Most students had gone to bed, but Renjun sat alone on the couch.
You didn’t give him a chance to pretend he didn’t see you coming.
“You’re going to tell me what happened.”
Renjun sighed, not looking away from the fire. “Y/N…”
“No,” you said, standing in front of him. “No more deflecting. You’ve known something since the day he came back.”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know the whole story.”
“Then tell me what you know.”
Silence.
You crossed your arms. “Do you really think I’m going to stop asking? You’ve seen him. You know he’s not okay. And no one’s saying anything, and I’m losing my mind because—” your voice cracked, just slightly— “because that’s my best friend.”
Renjun’s shoulders slumped. He looked like he aged ten years in a second.
“Seungmin and his friends... they planned something,” he said quietly.
Your chest went still.
“I only heard a conversation between Professor Sprout and Professor Snape,” he continued. “But apparently they were hanging out near the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Seungmin gave Jisung something. A potion or… some kind of enchanted hallucinogen.”
Renjun looked up at you, guilt heavy in his eyes even though he hadn’t been there. “They led him into the forest, Y/N… And something attacked him.”
You stared at him, voice thick with dread. “Something?”
Renjun hesitated. “Snape... Snape was the one who found him.”
You felt cold all over. “What was it?”
He looked away.
“Renjun. What was it.”
His voice dropped to a whisper.
“A werewolf.”
A gasp got stuck in your throat.
“I don’t know how bad it was,” Renjun said softly. “But apparently Professor Snape had to lock him up for a week while he went through the transformation.”
Tears stung behind your eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want to believe it myself….”
You sank into the chair across from him, everything too heavy to stand.
“A werewolf,” you whispered.
He nodded and suddenly, so many things clicked at once. Suddenly it all made sense.
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After Renjun told you, you couldn’t sleep.
You sat in your bed staring at the ceiling until the sun started bleeding through the windows, and then you slipped out of the dorms without a word. You went straight to the library and stayed there all morning.
Madam Pince gave you a curious glance when you asked to go into the Restricted Section after looking through every other possible book in the regular shelves and finding nothing of value. You dropped Professor Babbling’s name as your excuse—said you were doing independent research for an Arithmancy paper. She didn’t ask further, just handed you a list of approved titles and waved you through.
You didn’t touch a single one of them. Instead, you searched for everything you could find on werewolves.
They were mostly old, dusty books with creaking spines and brittle pages. Most seemed to be more folklore than facts but you found a text buried near the bottom of a shelf, half its title burned off the spine.
Lycanthropy and Lunar Madness: A Clinical Compendium.
The chapters were brutal. You read about the first changes, the muscle pain, the sensory overload. The way magic in the blood would flare, fight back, burn from the inside out. You read about the violence, how the mind slips away when the full moon peaks, how instincts override everything else.
But what caught your atention the most was this:
“In cases of recent infection, the afflicted may experience an attraction fixation, often triggered by proximity to a familiar person. This response is especially common in individuals whose first transformation occurs during adolescence or early adulthood.
The instinct is not always sexual, but it is always possessive. The werewolf’s senses recognize the person as a source of comfort or danger. When comfort, the fixation can lead to obsessive behavior, rut-like symptoms, and irrational aggression if the person is perceived as threatened or unattainable. When danger, it can lead to avoidance or attack. Scent is the most common anchor. Once imprinted, it is nearly impossible for the werewolf to ignore.”
Your throat tightened. You re-read the paragraph five times.
It made sense, too much sense. His distance, his flinching, the way he couldn’t look at you anymore.
Your scent.
You remembered how he looked at you that morning in the Great Hall. How he barely breathed when you stood too close and how he wouldn’t meet your eyes when you asked what happened. And last night in the Atronomy Tower, he said you smelled good and it looked like he wanted to eat you alive.
You closed the book with shaky hands and then checked out four more. You didn’t stop reading until your eyes blurred. You didn’t eat or go to class.
By the time the sky outside the window started darkening, you were sitting at a corner table, surrounded by open tomes and loose parchment covered in frantic notes—everything you could find about Wolfsbane, Snape’s potion-making reputation, the legal status of werewolves in magical Britain, and every known case of student infection in the last fifty years.
You turned the page again.
Magical Intervention
“Wolfsbane Potion, taken daily during the week of the full moon, prevents transformation but does not erase the instinctual response. It is crucial that young werewolves are supervised during their first year of turning, especially if they experience early signs of rut.
If left unmonitored, the werewolf may become a threat not only to others—but to themselves.”
You found another book next. Not on lycanthropy, but on magical trauma. It mentioned Professor Snape by name.
“A known expert in dark creatures and cursed bloodlines, Professor Severus Snape has played a role in the treatment and monitoring of several underage werewolf cases, particularly after the war.”
You sat there for a long time, staring at the page, your mind buzzing. Snape knew, he was involved and he wasn’t just keeping the secret, he was managing it.
Which meant whatever happened to Jisung—Snape had seen it before. And he’d chosen not to tell you a thing.
You sat there in silence, your hands numb on the table. Snape had told him to stay away from you, that much was obvious now. But no one had told you what being near him could do.
You weren’t afraid of him. But for the first time, you understood why he was of you.
You left the library as the sky was starting to pale with early morning light, the forbidden books still echoing in your thoughts. You didn’t bother going to class again. You went directly to Snape’s office instead and waited there. When he finally arrived, he paused mid-step at the sight of you.
“Miss Y/N,” he said flatly. “You are not scheduled to meet with me.”
“No,” you said, stepping forward. “But I’m not leaving until you tell me the truth, sir.”
His eyes narrowed. “I beg your par—”
“Did you know?” you cut in, voice trembling with restrained rage. “Did you know what would happen to him?”
“I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”
“I know that Jisung got attacked by a werewolf.”
Snape stilled.
“I went to the restricted section,” you continued. “I know what werewolves go through. I know about the rut cycle. The way someone can trigger it just by being close… Did you know it would be me?”
He didn’t speak, and that silence was an answer.
You took another step toward him. “You told him to stay away, didn’t you?”
Still silent.
You laughed bitterly. “What, were you going to wait until I ended up on the courtyard floor with his teeth in my neck before you decided to warn me?”
“Lower your voice,” Snape said sharply, eyes flicking toward the empty corridor.
“No,” you snapped. “You don’t get to tell me what to do now when you left me in the dark about everything.”
“He is alive and you’re safe because of me,” he said sharply. “Do not mistake silence for neglect.”
“He’s barely alive,” you fired back. “He’s walking around like a ghost and you expect me to believe that’s your idea of help?”
“You think you want the truth but the truth is messy and dangerous. And the truth, Miss Y/N…” he stalked closer to you, almost menacingly “… is that your friend is not who he was anymore.”
“I know that!” you shouted, voice cracking. “But you made him think he was dangerous.”
“He is.”
“No,” you said fiercely. “He’s just scared and you’re feeding it.”
Snape’s eyes narrowed. “You have no idea what a werewolf in rut is capable of.”
“I do now.” You stepped closer again, voice trembling. “I’m not stupid or fragile. And I’m not going to stay away just because you think it’s better that way.”
“Miss Y/N—”
“No,” you snapped. “You can’t “protect me” by locking him away like some creature. He’s not a danger to me. What’s dangerous is isolating him, making him ashamed of something he didn’t choose.”
Snape’s mouth pressed into a thin line.
“And what will you do, then?” he asked. “If he loses control?”
“I’ll help him.” You exhaled, hands trembling. “I’m not afraid of him and he needs someone who isn’t.”
There was a long pause. Snape looked at you with something like pitty. Then he spoke, carefully.
“Then you’d better learn how to handle what’s coming.”
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Knowing about Jisung’s condition didn’t bring the relief you thought it would. If anything, it made everything worse. Because now you understood that there was almost nothing you could do to save him from himself. And, like Professor Snape said, the safest option was to stay far away.
And you tried, but it was so hard.
You'd find yourself turning to complain about Professor Binns's endless lectures, only to realize it wasn't Jisung beside you, but Renjun—quiet, studious Renjun who never dared utter a complaint in class.
Or when you walked toward the kitchens out of habit, thinking maybe you'd sweet-talk the elves into some pumpkin tarts, only to remember it was Jisung who always did the charming.
Or when the night sky looked especially clear and you found yourself wanting to stargaze but realizing no one else knew how to trace constellations on your palm with their fingertip. And you couldn’t even remember their names without Jisung pointing them out to you.
Renjun tried. He filled the empty seat at meals, nodded at the right moments when you rambled, even agreed to sneak out once or twice. But he wasn’t Jisung. He didn’t know your weird inside jokes, didn’t lean his head on your shoulder when he got sleepy, didn’t touch your wrist when you got nervous.
You missed him so deeply it ached.
So, when you saw him slipping out of the common room one night you followed him without a second thought.
He moved quickly across the grounds, his hooded shape skimming the moonlit grass. You jogged to keep up, keeping low behind hedges and statues until he stopped beside the Whomping Willow. Your breath caught as he pressed a knot at the roots and the tree froze mid‑sway, its branches locking in eerie stillness. Then, an entrance yawned open.
You hesitated. Every instinct screamed that going after him was a terrible idea. But the thought of him hurting or worse, hurting alone was too much to bear.
So you followed.
The tunnel led you into the Shrieking Shack. A chill raced down your spine the moment you stepped inside. Rot and mildew clung to the walls, the floorboards seemed like they would give way with each step, and it smelled like old nightmares in there. You had to bite down on your lip to keep from gagging but you kept going, following the sounds of his ragged breathing upstairs into a dusty room.
You opened the door cautiously, barely an inch—but before you could fully register what was happening, Jisung lunged. He grabbed your arm, yanking you roughly inside and pinning you to the sagging mattress with a strength that startled you.
"Jisung—!" you gasped.
He loomed over you, eyes wild, glowing gold in the darkness. His expression was pained, almost feral.
"What—are you doing here?" he growled through gritted teeth. His voice was deep and barely recognizable.
You stared up at him, wide-eyed. “I—I was worried. You missed all your classes…”
Something dark flared in his gaze, and he dropped his head, panting harshly against your throat. He inhaled deeply, shuddering as he pressed closer instinctively. Your breath hitched sharply, your body reacting involuntarily to his closeness.
"You shouldn't have come," he whispered brokenly, hands trembling where they gripped your wrists.
You swallowed, feeling his hips press involuntarily against yours and realizing exactly what was happening.
"Your rut," you whispered breathlessly, realization flooding you. "It's started, hasn't it?"
A helpless whimper slid from his throat as his hips rocked against you once more, his erection pressing unmistakably through his trousers. The desperate sound he made sent heat pooling in your stomach, despite the fear and confusion swirling inside you.
“You smell so fucking… good” He let out another ragged noise, and you reached out instinctively, resting a trembling hand against his cheek. His skin burned under your palm. He looked almost delirious, golden eyes flickering between human fear and something more feral.
You’d spent the past week reading about werewolves and their ruts, absorbing every detail you could from hidden texts and restricted tomes. You knew that once the rut hit, the urge for physical intimacy would become nearly unbearable. You also knew it was dangerous for you to be near him like this.
But as you stared at your best friend, trembling and half-broken with need, your heart clenched. You couldn’t just walk away.
“Jisung,” you said carefully, your voice shaking. “Did you take the Wolfsbane?”
He shook his head, eyes squeezing shut. “I don’t know… I think I didn’t—” He broke off, a pained groan tearing from his throat as he rocked forward, hips searching for contact.
Swallowing hard, you remembered the passage in the book. How an afflicted werewolf needed a trusted partner to help ease the rut’s consuming effects.
It felt like your heart was in your mouth.
“You—” he gasped, voice faint. “You can’t stay. I—if I hurt you—”
You cupped his other cheek, forcing his gaze to meet yours. “You won’t,” you promised, though a part of you wasn’t entirely sure.
“Y/N,” he groaned, hips rutting forward again. “Don’t. Don’t touch me right now, I swear—”
“I want to help you,” you said softly. “Please let me.”
His pupils dilated immediately and he let out a shaky breath, leaning into your touch. The heat radiating from him was overwhelming but despite your own hammering pulse, you didn’t draw away.
Because somewhere deep inside, you knew this was the only way to help him.
His grip on your waist was bruising, claws just barely retracted. His body was sweat-slicked and trembling, panting through gritted teeth as he pressed himself flush against you.
“I warned you,” he growled, voice shaky with restraint. “I told you to leave.”
You pulled him closer up and felt how he shook under your touch. “You can have me”
He didn’t wait another second. Your clothes were suddenly nothing, the fabric ripped under his desperate hands. Your skin was bare before you had time to register the sound of seams tearing. His mouth found your throat instinctively, tongue tasting your pulse before he bit.
You winced at the pain and his hips rutted against your thigh, hard and frantic, his cock felt thick and straining through his trousers. He was whining soft, broken sounds between gritted teeth, like each second without you wrapped around him was tearing him open from the inside.
“You smell—fuck, you smell so good,” he gasped into your skin, humping against you harder. “I need—i need to be inside, I need—”
You spread your legs, breathless, head spinning from the force of it all. “I’m here, Sungie.”
He didn’t prep you, didn’t pause for a second—just spit on his fingers and shoved them inside you hard and fast. Stretching you wide while whispering obscenities you couldn’t even make sense of.
“So fucking tight—fuck—gonna ruin you—fill you up, knot you, make sure no one else ever gets to—”
You didn’t even realize he’d taken his cock out until you felt him line himself up with shaking hands, barely getting the tip in before he snapped his hips forward, burying himself inside you in one brutal thrust.
You cried out and Jisung growled, slamming his hand beside your head, forehead pressed to yours, golden eyes glazed over.
“Mine,” he gasped. “Fuck… Mine. Mine. Mine—”
Suddenly, he shoved your knees up, pressing them tightly to your chest as his hips snapped forward, rough and desperate. You cried out sharply, feeling stretched too wide, overwhelmed by the rawness of him filling you again and again. His teeth dragged harshly against your throat, marking you repeatedly, as if he couldn't bear the thought of anyone mistaking you for anything but his.
You sobbed beneath him, your body caught between pain and a pleasure that blurred into something unbearable. Part of you wondered numbly if it would have changed anything if you'd told Jisung it was your first time—if it would've made him pause, slow down, be gentler. But you knew it wouldn't have mattered. He wasn't fully himself, and even if some part of him wanted to stop, he couldn't.
You felt it then, the swelling at his base. His knot beginning to expand, stretching your entrance wider with every punishing thrust. Panic mixed with need, your mind spinning as your walls spasmed around him.
“Gonna knot you,” he panted desperately, voice breaking as he slammed into you harder. “Can’t stop—fuck, you feel so perfect—gonna keep you like this forever—”
He thrust deeply one last time and locked himself inside, his knot catching and sealing him within you. You screamed, body jolting at the sudden fullness, the pressure almost too much. He shuddered violently above you, his cum flooding hot and deep, twitching through aftershocks that made your thighs quake and your vision blur.
You barely had time to gasp a breath before his knot began to soften, still pulsing faintly inside you. But Jisung didn’t stop, not even for a moment.
Before you could recover, he flipped you roughly onto your stomach, the mattress creaking sharply beneath you. He pressed into you again slowly, his breathing ragged and hot against your sweat-damp back. You trembled uncontrollably beneath him, arms shaking, barely able to keep yourself upright.
“Jisung, wait—” your voice broke, a thin plea lost beneath the rasp of his breath.
But he didn’t acknowledge your begging. One hand pinned your hip firmly, the other flattened between your shoulders, forcing you down into the sheets until you couldn’t move. You felt the ache building again as he pushed inside you once more, pushing mercilessly against your walls. Your thighs burned, your body instinctively arching to escape the overstimulation, but he wouldn’t allow you to shift away.
The moment he felt how wet and open you still were, the last shred of his restraint shattered. His rhythm turned frantic, his hips slamming into yours so fiercely the air was knocked from your lungs with every brutal stroke.
You moaned helplessly into the sheets, fingers clawing at the mattress as your body surrendered. He wasn’t speaking now, wasn’t asking if you were okay—all you heard were harsh, ragged sounds torn from his throat, desperate noises so primal and raw they made your skin burn hot with shameful need.
His movements grew rougher, your bodies locked in a rhythm that erased any remaining thought from your mind. Your senses narrowed until all you knew was the brutal heat between your thighs and the ache of him stretching you. You took every thrust, helpless to stop, unable to do anything but accept the ruthless force of his body on yours.
His teeth bit sharply into the back of your shoulder, fangs scraping against your skin until you gasped in pain. His grip tightened, fingers bruising your hips as he pounded into you without mercy, branding you with every brutal snap of his hips.
With one final thrust, he buried himself impossibly deep, and you felt the knot swell again—filling you, stretching you beyond limits as he locked himself inside with a guttural growl.
His whole body jerked, cock throbbing violently as he spilled into you again. It was so much cum it leaked around the thick swell of his knot, your walls clenching tight, helpless to hold it all in. He held still, panting, hands trembling as he stayed buried in you, locked and pulsing.
He stayed inside you for what felt like forever, body trembling from release, your muscles fluttering weakly around him. His breath came in uneven bursts against your skin.
But even then, you could feel that he wasn’t finished.
He rutted again and let out a feral sound low in his throat, one that sounded more like a growl than a moan. And then he was moving just enough to slip free with a wet sound that made both of you shiver.
His hands moved to your waist, lifting you. He dragged you onto your back again, spread your thighs wide, and settled between them with a single-minded hunger that made your whole body pulse with anticipation.
His gaze dropped the moment he pushed back in and he groaned, eyes locked between your legs with an obsessive intensity. Your walls clenched around him as his cock slid in with zero resistance. His breath hitched, and he stopped for just a second.
His mouth parted when he saw the shape of him pushing inside you, deep enough to press against your belly, the bulge rising with every brutal thrust. He pressed his palm against it and let out a wrecked moan. The sight of his cock inside your belly driving him halfway mad.
“Fuck,” he choked. “That's me? inside you?”
You tried to answer, but all that came out was a gasp as he rocked into you harder.
He watched your stomach move with every stroke, how your cunt took all of him, again and again, walls fluttering around his cock like your body was desperate to keep him.
He was mesmerized. Staring with wide, hungry eyes as hips snapped forward with more force. One of his hands grabbed your thigh, the other pressing to your lower belly as he kept thrusting, rougher this time, watching the bulge disappear and return with every movement.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “you’re made for this—fuck—you’re made to take me like this—”
You could feel the knot swelling again, dragging harder against your soaked, overstretched entrance, until your legs started to shake. He braced both hands on either side of your hips, growled deep in his chest, and slammed forward. The knot forced its way in with a brutal stretch that made your eyes roll back.
His whole body jerked, head falling forward as a strangled moan left his lips. His cock twitched violently, knot fully buried, and you felt the rush of his cum flooding you again, deeper this time, deeper than anything had ever been.
His eyes were still locked on your lower stomach, wide and blown out with awe. The bulge in your belly pulsed with each twitch of his knot, round and taut with the sheer amount he’d pumped into you
“Look at that,” he whispered, almost dazed. “Look what I did to you.”
He reached out again, fingertips brushing against your stomach and the possessiveness in his voice made your body clench all over again.
“I'm inside you.”
He blinked, his eyes flickering to your face as he really looked at you for the first time.
You were trembling, bruised, and barely able to keep your legs from shaking. Your eyes were glassy, your body completely spent beneath him. And something in him seemed to return.
His hands gentled against your skin as he eased out of you slowly, knot slipping free with an aching stretch that made you whimper. You gasped at the sudden emptiness, but he didn’t leave you long. He kissed your thigh once, softly, as if in apology, and then lowered himself between your legs.
You barely had the strength to lift your head. “Ji—what are you doing…”
But he didn’t answer. Just held your thighs gently in his hands, spreading them open again but this time with reverence, not greed.
Then he licked a single, languid drag of his tongue that made your hips twitch weakly. He groaned low in his throat at the taste of you.
You whimpered, the oversensitivity almost unbearable but his hands kept you grounded. Thumbs rubbing soothing circles into your hips, mouth moving with an aching kind of care. He sucked gently at your clit, tongue flicking in slow passes, easing the pain into something warmer.
You threaded trembling fingers through his hair, tugging gently.
His mouth grew more desperate by the second, tongue dipping lower and teasing at your entrance where his cum was still leaking out. He groaned at the taste, sucking softly, messy and slow, like he couldn’t get enough of it. Of you.
He buried himself there with his nose pressed into your skin, mouth drinking you. You let out a soft cry, hips twitching against his face, and his grip tightened just enough to hold you still as he circled your clit again, tender but insistent.
“I need to make it better,” he murmured into your skin, voice hoarse and reverent. “Let me—please…”
You didn’t answer but the way your legs shook around his head told him everything. So he stayed there—worshipping the mess he made, tongue moving slow and devoted, lips soft and endless. He lost himself in you.
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The first thing you noticed when you woke up was the pain.
It was deep and dull at first, but the moment you shifted, it sharpened—radiating through your thighs, your lower back, your hips. Your skin felt hot, stretched too thin in some places, sore in others. You winced as you tried to sit up, limbs trembling slightly from the effort.
Jisung was already awake. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from you, his robes wrapped tightly around him. His shoulders were stiff.
You swallowed through the dryness in your throat. “Ji?”
He stood up without looking at you.
You watched him move across the room, hands twitching at his sides like he didn’t know what to do with them. He picked up your clothes from the floor—torn in multiple places, seams ripped from how desperately he’d removed them the night before—and with a flick of his wand, the fabric mended itself slowly in the air.
“Get dressed,” he said flatly. “I’ll help you get back to the hospital wing.”
You blinked. “Back to the—what?”
He turned then, just slightly, just enough to look at you briefly. His eyes were guilt-ridden.
“You’re hurt,” he said. “I can see it.”
Your mouth opened, but no words came out.
“And I’m going to Snape later,” he continued. “I’m going to ask him to relocate me during the next cycle. Somewhere far from here.”
You stared at him, stunned. “Jisung, you don’t have to—”
“I do,” he snapped. “Because this—” He gestured toward you, his voice colder now. “This shouldn’t have happened.”
Your heart twisted.
“I told you to stay away,” he said. “And I didn’t mean that to sound cruel. I meant it because I knew I’d lose control. And I did… and now look at you.”
He walked toward the cracked mirror, stopped a few feet in front of it, and gestured for you to come closer.
You hesitated.
“Please,” he said, quieter now. “Just… come here.”
You stood slowly, legs shaking slightly under your weight. You wrapped yourself in the blanket and stepped toward the mirror.
Your reflection made your breath hitch.
There were bruises on your neck, angry bite marks along your collarbone and shoulder. Finger-shaped welts on your hips and thighs. Your lips were still swollen from where he’d kissed you too hard. Some of the marks looked deep. Others looked like they might last days, if not longer.
“I didn’t know I was capable of this,” Jisung said behind you, voice cracking.
You looked at him through the mirror. His face was pale, jaw tight.
“I’d rather suffer the worst pain a rut could ever give me than ever touch you like that again.”
“Jisung—”
“No,” he cut you off. “You don’t understand. I didn’t even care if I was hurting you. I couldn’t think. You could’ve cried, begged, screamed, and I still would’ve—”
He stopped himself, breathing hard.
“I’m not going to let this happen again. I’ll talk to Snape. I’ll take whatever dose he gives me. I’ll lock myself somewhere no one can find me.”
You stepped forward, reaching for him, but he flinched when your fingers brushed his sleeve.
He turned his face away. “Get dressed,” he said quietly. “Please.”
There was nothing else to say.
He handed you your clothes without looking at you again. When you were dressed, he silently moved to support your weight down the stairs and back toward the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow.
Your legs ached with every step. Jisung’s arm was around your waist, holding you upright as you moved slowly down the path back to the castle, your freshly repaired clothes felt stiff and uncomfortable against your bruised skin.
You hadn’t said a word since leaving the Shrieking Shack. Neither had he.
His touch wasn’t warm, or comforting. It was careful and detached. Like he was holding you not out of care, but out of obligation.
Your heart hurt more than your body. You two had been close for so long. Even after he’d changed, after he came back cold, distant, guarded you still felt more warmth than right now. Like he was reaching for you even when he didn’t realize it. So seeing him acting like this was almost unbearable.
You tried to tell yourself it wasn’t rejection or shame. That he was just protecting you, trying to keep you safe. But it still felt like being left behind.
You didn’t even realize how close you were to the castle until the path curved and the first archway of the courtyard came into view.
“Park.”
Professor Snape stood just beyond the arch, his arms crossed over his chest, black robes billowing faintly in the wind. His gaze flicked over the two of you quickly. His eyes dropped to the way you leaned into Jisung, to your limp. And then he saw the bruises. Even with your collar pulled tight, they peeked out, the edges of bite marks and the faint discoloration just beneath the skin.
Snape’s eyes narrowed.
“Come here,” he said, voice cold.
Jisung didn’t move.
Snape stepped forward. “Now.”
You felt the panic rise in your chest immediately.
“Professor, wait. It’s not—he didn’t—” You reached for his sleeve. “He didn’t force me.”
Snape’s eyes snapped to yours, and for a moment, you almost stepped back. His expression didn’t change, but something in it darkened like your words had confirmed what he already suspected.
“I didn’t ask what he did,” he said sharply. “I asked him to come with me.”
Jisung’s jaw was clenched so tightly it looked painful. He didn’t say a word, just let go of you carefully.
You nearly stumbled from the sudden absence of support.
“I can explain—” you tried again, but Snape raised a hand.
“This is not your responsibility,” he said, more quietly this time. “And you are in no condition to be standing here arguing.”
He turned to Jisung once more.
“Park. Now.”
And without looking back at you, Jisung walked toward him.
You stood there trembling, arms wrapped around yourself, the chill settling deeper into your bones now that he was gone.
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Jisung stood in the doorway of Snape’s office with his head hung low. The potions master had stepped away to ensure you made it safely to the hospital wing and to explain the delicate situation to the healers. Minutes stretched on endlessly until finally, he heard the sharp clack of Snape's shoes approaching.
“Go in,” Snape ordered coldly, gesturing toward the open door. The Hufflepuff obeyed silently.
Snape shut the office door behind them with a flick of his wand. The room smelled of ash and damp parchment, but Jisung could still smell your scent stronger than anything else; it clung to him, saturated his senses.
“Sit,” Snape instructed curtly.
Jisung lowered himself into the hard chair opposite the desk, shoulders slumped. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Snape’s eyes.
“How is she?” he asked softly, voice raw.
“She’ll live,” Snape replied coolly, summoning a few vials and herbs onto his desk. “Madam Pomfrey is treating the bruising you saw fit to decorate her with.”
Jisung’s head snapped up, panic clear in his gaze. “I—I bit her. More than once.” The admission spilled out before he could stop himself, heavy with guilt and shame. “Does that mean—”
“No,” Snape interjected sharply. “The curse passes only when the biter is fully transformed under the full moon. You were saturated with Wolfsbane, half-shifted but not contagious.”
Jisung exhaled sharply, gripping the chair arms until his knuckles whitened. Relief flooded him, but Snape wasn't done.
“However,” Snape continued, voice lowering dangerously, “do not delude yourself into believing she was truly safe. Had you missed even one additional dose, or had the moon been at its peak, she would already share your curse, and that responsibility would lie entirely with you.”
Jisung flinched. “I know. I—I keep hurting her. I keep losing control, and no matter how much I try to stay away, something just…pulls me back. I don’t know how to stop it.”
Snape regarded him for a moment in silence before speaking, voice softer but still edged with steel. “That’s because it is no longer a matter of mere control. You've complicated things significantly, Park.”
Jisung looked up slowly, eyes wide with apprehension. “What do you mean?”
Snape folded his hands on the desk, expression severe yet composed. “By marking her during your rut, you've effectively chosen Miss Y/N as your mate.”
Jisung’s breath caught, his throat tightening painfully. "Mate? I—what does that mean?”
“It means,” Snape explained, calm and clinical, “that your wolf has identified her specifically as an anchor. Such mate-bonds occur most commonly during adolescence, particularly around a first transformation. It's why you find yourself physically unable to stay away for long.”
Jisung swallowed, panic bubbling up again. “Is it dangerous? Will I hurt her more?”
“Not inherently,” Snape said evenly. “But the bond is permanent, Park. Your wolf will always crave her presence—most intensely near the full moon or during rut. Ignoring it will only worsen your aggression.”
“Then…what can I do?” Jisung asked desperately. “How do I keep her safe?”
“You must never skip your Wolfsbane. Take it every evening at sundown and report to me regularly so we can adjust dosage accordingly. Furthermore, and pay attention to this, you must manage your bond carefully. You cannot fight it entirely so stay close to her but with awareness, not indulgence. ”
Jisung flushed deeply. “But… after everything I've done, how can I risk being close to her again?”
Snape leaned forward slightly. “The greater risk lies in distance, your instincts will spiral. Proximity is crucial but do not confuse instinct for entitlement.”
Jisung nodded slowly, the weight of responsibility settling heavily onto his shoulders. “Does she…know?”
“She soon will,” Snape replied quietly. “But it is essential she hears it clearly from you. Be honest and thorough. Do you understand me, Park?”
“Yes, sir,” Jisung whispered. “I won't fail her again.”
Snape regarded him a moment longer, then produced a fresh vial of Wolfsbane, setting it decisively on the desk. “Good. Now leave before I decide silence is insufficient punishment.”
Jisung rose unsteadily, clutching the vial to his chest. He walked slowly to the threshold, feeling every step heavy with responsibility. Just as he reached the door, Snape spoke once more.
“Park, if you truly care for the girl, learn how to live with the wolf without letting it consume her.”
The door sealed shut behind him, and Jisung stood for a long moment in the corridor, the potion trembling slightly in his grip.
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You lay on one of the hospital wing beds, half-covered by a sterile white blanket, the curtains drawn tightly around you. The air was too quiet, every sound outside muted by the silencing charm Madam Pomfrey had casted when she left you there.
You picked at your cuticles absently, barely noticing the sting where skin peeled back. Your hospital gown gaped at the shoulders, revealing the bruises along your arms in the shape of fingers. Jisung’s fingers. You should’ve been horrified and maybe you were a little bit but there was something strangely comforting about them. His hands had held you through something painful, but they had held you. It made you feel... needed. Like you mattered to him again.
Your thoughts scattered when the curtain parted and Madam Pomfrey stepped through, her face tight with concern. Behind her came Professor Sprout, head of Hufflepuff house. And just before the curtain fell shut again, you caught the edge of black robes retreating down the ward—Snape. He’d definitely told them everything.
You bit your lip and dropped your gaze.
“Hello, dear,” Pomfrey said gently. When you didn’t answer, she cleared her throat. “To begin with, I’d like to offer you a calming draught for the pain.”
“I’m fine,” you said quietly, though your whole body ached. You didn’t want to take anything that would fog your thoughts. You needed to stay alert to explain the situation.
“Well…” she murmured, unconvinced. “Then I’ll start with the surface wounds.”
She gestured toward the scratches and crescent-shaped bites along your shoulders and collarbone. You stayed still while she worked.
Professor Sprout stepped closer, arms folded tightly across her chest. “Miss Y/LN,” she began carefully. “There’s no need to be guarded with us. We’re not here to punish you… but there are a few matters that need to be addressed.”
You nodded wordlessly, eyes fixed on a wrinkle in the bedsheet.
“Madam Pomfrey will heal what she can,” she continued. “But the bite marks will take several days to fade. Magical injuries of this nature are… stubborn.”
“I understand,” you murmured. The marks didn’t bother you.
Professor Sprout hesitated, color rising faintly in her cheeks. “We also understand that Mr. Park was… in a heightened state when you were intimate.”
You saw her flinch slightly at her own words and you almost pitied her. There was no elegant way to discuss something like this. You nodded once.
“Am I correct to assume no contraceptive charms were cast beforehand?”
Your brows pulled together. You’d never studied contraceptive spells properly. You knew they were meant to be used before any intimacy though and given how everything had happened there hadn’t been time for anything like that. You shook your head slowly.
Professor Sprout exchanged a brief look with Pomfrey before exhaling slowly. “Very well. Madam Pomfrey will now perform a diagnostic charm to ensure no unintended consequences arise from your… encounter.”
You nodded again, tending slight when Madam Pomfrey raised her wand and murmured a spell. A pale lavender glow swept across your lower abdomen then faded without a flicker.
“No conception,” she announced softly. “Everything is normal.”
A breath you hadn’t realized you were holding slipped out and you noticed Professor Sprout’s shoulders ease a fraction.
Pomfrey lowered her wand, relief softening the stern set of her mouth. Then she hesitated, studying you over the rims of her spectacles.
“Dear, may I give you some practical advice?”
You nodded, cheeks still furiously warm.
She lifted her wand again. “There are several reliable contraceptive charms you can use. The simplest is Praeventa Conceptum. It’s quick, painless, and lasts a whole day.”
Professor Sprout cleared her throat delicately but said nothing.
Pomfrey demonstrated. She pointed her wand at her own midsection. “Circle once, clockwise, like so.” A pale halo of light traced the motion. “Then speak Prae‑ven‑ta Con‑cep‑tum. Stress on the second syllable of each word. The charm settles just beneath the skin and it’s a mild warming sensation, nothing more.”
You mimicked the motion in the air, whispering the incantation under your breath. A faint peach‑colored glow sparked at your wand tip and faded.
“Good,” Madam Pomfrey said, satisfied. “Remember, the charm must be renewed daily, and it is far more reliable when cast prior to any sexual activity.”
“Thank you,” you murmured, both grateful and faintly embarrassed.
Professor Sprout offered a small, reassuring nod. “Better to learn here than under far less ideal circumstances.”
Pomfrey tucked her wand away. “Knowledge is its own protection.”
“Again, you are not at fault for any of this,” Sprout added, voice firm. “Last night’s events were influenced by circumstances far beyond your control.”
“Is he okay?” you asked softly.
A shadow crossed the professor’s eyes. “Mr. Park is with Professor Snape now, discussing the seriousness of missing future doses of Wolfsbane.” Her tone suggested ‘discussion’ meant something closer to a dressing‑down. “He’ll be monitored closely.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” you said, fingers worrying the edge of the sheet. “I followed him there, fully aware of the consequences. I just wanted to help… and I don’t regret it.”
Madam Pomfrey’s brows knit, but it was Professor Sprout who spoke first. “Miss Y/L/N, no one here is assigning blame. What matters now is that both of you are safe, and that Mr. Park remains diligent with his potion.” Her gaze softened. “Your loyalty is commendable, but your well‑being is equally important.”
You nodded, swallowing the dryness in your throat. “I know.”
Pomfrey dabbed a final line of salve across the deepest bite mark. “You’ll be sore,” she said gently, “but you’ll heal. Rest here tonight, at least until breakfast.”
The curtain swayed gently as they left you alone, and you stared ahead thinking only of the warmth of his breath, the panic in his voice, and the way he’d whispered “you shouldn’t have come” like it had broken him to see you there.
But you would do it all again.
Madam Pomfrey cleared you for release just after sunrise. You dressed in silence, fingers brushing over the gauze she’d left on the deepest bite. She offered one last vial of bruise balm and a faint smile before sending you off.
It was Saturday, thank Merlin. There were no classes so most students were still sleeping. You were relieved as you stepped out of the hospital wing, and saw nothing but an empty corridor.
Though still a strange, hollow pressure settled in your chest. You missed Jisung.
You weren’t sure if it was the residual ache in your muscles, or the fading imprints he’d left on your body, but you felt the absence of him like it was stitched into your skin. You needed to see him.
And then, as if your thoughts conjured him, he appeared.
Jisung was standing at the other end of the hallway, just beyond the shaft of sunlight spilling in from the tall windows. He looked stunned to see you, like he hadn’t meant to be here, like his feet had brought him without his permission.
You hesitated.
Snape had surely warned him again—more strictly this time—to stay away from you. But still, Jisung took a step forward and you followed.
You met in the middle of the hallway, stopping close enough that your chests nearly touched. It wasn’t until you were standing in front of him that you realized how much he’d changed. He was taller now, just slightly, but it was enough to notice. His shoulders were broader, his presence heavier, like the wolf was still there beneath the surface.
He stared at the bruises along your collarbone, what little was visible through the open neck of your shirt. You saw the way his throat bobbed, how his eyes flickered with guilt.
“Are you—?”
“I’m okay, Ji,” you cut in gently, offering him a small smile. “Perfectly fine.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He exhaled shakily, and his hand reached for yours tentatively. You almost gasped at the contact. It had been so long since he touched you first. His fingers threaded through yours like they were remembering how easily he did this all the time before.
“You don’t have to be,” you whispered. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Your other hand rose instinctively, brushing against his cheek. He leaned into the touch immediately, eyes fluttering closed.
“Did Snape scold you too badly?” you asked, voice soft and teasing.
Jisung cracked a smile. “Yeah, I have to clean the Quidditch stands every day this winter without magic.”
Your eyes widened. “Seriously?”
He laughed. “I’m joking.” He paused, eyes searching yours. “Though honestly… I think I deserved one.”
You squeezed his hand gently. “You’ve been punished enough.”
He didn’t respond, just looked at you like he was still trying to figure out if this moment was real.
The corridor felt suddenly too small, so without speaking, you guided Jisung toward the nearest side door that opened onto the courtyard. The November air was sharp, but sunlight spilled across damp flagstones and carried the faint scent of wet leaves.
You walked side by side, your shoulders brushing now and then. After a long stretch of silence, Jisung spoke in a quiet voice. “Do you remember fifth year… when we hid in Greenhouse Three during that thunderstorm?”
You smiled. “And you spent the whole time pretending not to be scared of lightning.”
He huffed a soft laugh. “I kept thinking about that last night. How you held my hand and told me storms always pass.” He glanced at you, guilt and wonder warring in his eyes. “I wanted to go there initially. But then I smelled you, and I went to the Shack instead, thinking you wouldn’t follow me into a place like that.” He laughed bitterly. “I should’ve known better.”
The admission loosened something tight inside you. “Storms pass, Ji,” you said. “Even the ones inside us.”
He stopped, turning to face you fully. “Does this one? Because I can still feel it.” His gaze flicked to your neck where a bruise peeked above your collar. “I feel every mark I left on you like they’re on my body, too.”
You lifted a hand to his chest, just over his heartbeat. “You didn’t hurt me.”
He looked at you, like he almost believed it, but the tension in his jaw said otherwise. “Snape told me… the biting… it wasn’t random.” he dropped his gaze and bit his lip nervously “I… marked you.”
Your breath hitched, but you didn’t interrupt.
“He said you’re my mate now,” he said quietly. “That the wolf chose you. That’s why I can’t stay away. Why I can’t stop smelling you, hearing you even when you’re not around. Why it feels like something’s ripping open in my chest when I try to stay away.”
You stood still, eyes locked on his.
“He said I shouldn’t fight it. That if I try to pretend the bond doesn’t exist, it’ll make it worse. That I just have to be… careful and gentle with it. With you.” He exhaled, voice tight. “He said if I really want to protect you, I have to learn how to live with the wolf, not push it down.”
“What did you say?” you finally asked.
“I told him I’d do anything to keep you safe,” Jisung said. “And I meant it.”
You reached for his hand and he let you take it, though his fingers twitched.
“The bond… is that why you came to the Hospital Wing corridor?”
He nodded, shame creasing his brow. “I woke up and… I was already walking there. I didn’t think.”
“Then next time, think and tell me,” you said. “We’ll handle the need together. On our terms.”
He swallowed. “Snape says if I miss a potion… you’ll be in danger first.”
“Then you won’t miss it.” Your tone brooked no argument. “Even if I have to brew it myself.”
A faint smile ghosted his lips. “You’d sit through that smell?”
“I’d sit through worse.” Your thumb stroked over his knuckles.
He exhaled shakily, some of the tension easing, though the gold still flickered behind his eyes like embers. “I’m not safe yet,” he warned.
“That’s okay,” you answered, stepping close until your foreheads touched. “I’m not scared.”
For a while you simply stood in the sunlight, listening to the distant chatter of students who knew nothing about storms or wolves or the way a heartbeat could echo in someone else’s chest. His hand tightened around yours, and instinctively you looked up, meeting his gaze.
His eyes flickered down to your lips, hesitation clear in the tense line of his jaw. Before he could withdraw, before he could overthink it, you stepped on your tippy toes and pressed your mouth gently to his.
It began softly, a cautious brush of lips but it escalated quickly. His mouth opened hungrily, tongue sliding against your teeth, and you gave in with a low sigh. His hand found your waist first, pulling you closer, then slid up to cup the back of your neck, angling your head so he could deepen the kiss. Your fingers tangled through his messy hair, tugging gently. He groaned into your mouth, hips pressing forward instinctively until you were pinned softly against the rough stone wall.
“I can’t lose control again,” he murmured urgently against your lips but still he kissed you harder, as if he couldn’t pull away even if he wanted to.
“You won’t,” you promised breathlessly. “This is fine.”
His hips snapped forward again, pressing you tighter to the stone behind you. You knew you were out in the open—anyone could pass by and see—but caution melted beneath the heat of his mouth trailing down your neck. The dull soreness from the previous night faded to a faint pulse, replaced by something hungrier, as he sucked gently at your throat.
“Ji—” your voice shook softly, hands gripping his robes tighter. “You’re… you’re not still in rut, right?”
He pulled back just enough to meet your gaze. “No. No, I don’t think so,” he panted roughly, almost like he was convincing himself too. “It doesn’t feel the same as last night, but—” He exhaled shakily, pressing his forehead to yours “I want you. Fuck, I want you so bad—I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting you.”
A helpless moan escaped you at the raw admission, your pulse quickening under his mouth when he kissed you again—softer now, more controlled, as if he was proving to himself he could do this without falling apart.
“I won’t let myself hurt you again,” he breathed, lips brushing your skin between each whispered word. “But you need to tell me if it’s too much”
You shook your head slightly, pulling him closer still, holding him like he was the only thing keeping you upright. “Ji, nothing’s ever too much with you. Just stay here… stay with me.”
He shivered, his breath hitching as he kissed you again, trying to ground himself in the feeling of you rather than the wild instinct still whispering beneath his skin.
Someone laughed nearby, close enough to remind you exactly where you were.
Jisung froze against you, his forehead dropping to your shoulder with a soft groan. “We need to move,” he muttered “If anyone sees—”
“Then come on,” you said grabbing his hand.
He followed without another word.
You tugged him along a narrow side-corridor, the secret path behind the Herbology wing that only upper years and rule-breakers bothered with. Past the old broom cupboard, beyond the faded tapestry of a witch laughing drunkenly into her wine goblet, your footsteps were quiet, your pulse anything but. It hammered through your veins, in your fingertips, your throat—everywhere Jisung’s hand stayed locked in yours.
Soon you stood outside Greenhouse Three, abandoned since the storm in your fifth year shattered half its glass panes. Now, ivy and moss crawled along the cracked glass walls, and no one had bothered to repair it, leaving the space forgotten and overgrown.
You slipped through the splintered wooden door, pulling him gently behind you.
Inside, sunlight spilled across broken tables and tangled greenery. Plants had grown wild, illing the air with the scent of damp earth, crushed leaves, and something faintly sweet. You felt your chest tighten from the memory of your younger selves hiding here together.
Jisung remembered it too, you could see it in the softening of his eyes, the way his shoulders relaxed slightly. He caught your lips again, slow at first, but deepening fast, pulling a moan from your throat. Your hands gripped the front of his shirt, pulling him in until you tasted him fully.
“I want you inside me,” you whispered against his mouth, fingers trembling as you tugged at his clothes again.
He groaned softly, forehead pressing to yours. “Say it again.”
Your breath shuddered. “I want you to fuck me, Ji. Right now.”
He kissed you once more, messy and desperate, before stepping back just enough to undo his belt. His hands shook slightly, desire evident as he freed his cock—already hard and flushed, leaking at the tip as he positioned himself between your thighs. You lay back on one of the old greenhouse tables, cool beneath your skin but sturdy enough for this.
Jisung dragged the head of his cock through your folds, groaning openly at how wet you were, coating him perfectly. He pressed gently against your entrance, one hand braced beside your head, the other gripping your hip, thumb stroking tenderly.
He met your gaze, eyes filled with heated care. “Tell me if it’s too much,” he rasped, voice thick with want but edged with concern.
You cupped his cheek softly, eyes locked on his. “It’s perfect. It’s always perfect with you…Just fuck me, Ji.”
And he did.
The first thrust was slow, a deep stretch that pulled a gasp straight from your lungs. His cock slid in inch by inch until he bottomed out, and then he just held there, buried inside, groaning like he’d finally found home.
“Holy fuck,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “You’re so tight, you feel so—shit—you feel like you were made for me.”
You clenched around him involuntarily and he hissed, head dropping to your shoulder as he fought the urge to move too fast.
But control didn’t last long. His hips started to roll into yours, picking up a rhythm that got harder with each thrust. The sound of skin slapping echoed off the glass, mixed with your breathy moans and the desperate groans breaking in his throat.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, heels digging into his back, dragging him deeper.
“Yes, yes—right there—don’t stop,” you gasped.
“I won’t,” he growled. “I can’t.”
He drove into you harder, the table creaking beneath you as he pounded into your soaked cunt like he was trying to carve the shape of himself into your body. You arched under him, nails raking down his back through his shirt, gasping every time he bottomed out and hit that spot that made your toes curl.
He pulled out just enough to watch his cock slide back in.
“Look at this,” he breathed, one hand dragging down to your stomach, pressing just above your pubic bone. “Can feel myself right here.”
You could tell Jisung was obsessed with seeing himself inside you, it made his thrusts hit deeper just so he could feel himself in your lower belly. You moaned brokenly, the pressure making it worse, the angle driving you insane. 
“Fuck, fuck—I’m gonna come,” you choked. “Don’t stop—please, don’t—”
“I want to feel it,” he growled. “Come on, baby. Come for me.”
Your body clamped down around him, walls spasming hard enough to make Jisung curse violently. He fucked you through it, rough thrusts stuttering until his own orgasm took him.
With a strangled groan, he slammed into you one last time and came hard, cock twitching deep inside you as he filled you again with thick spurts that made your pussy slicker than before.
He collapsed over you, forehead buried in your neck, both of you panting like you’d run for miles. His cock was still buried inside you, twitching with aftershocks.
You dragged your fingers through his hair gently, voice hoarse. “That didn’t feel like your rut.”
He laughed, breathless. “No. That was just me.”
“Are you okay?” he whispered into your neck, voice raw and reverent. “Did I hurt you?”
You shook your head slowly. “You didn’t. You were perfect.”
He sighed against your skin, relief loosening his shoulders. Then, gently—so, so gently—he pulled out, groaning as his cock slipped free from your cunt. The mess between your legs was immediate, warmth spilling down your thighs, and you whimpered at the sensitivity.
“I got you,” he murmured, already reaching for his wand.
He muttered a quiet cleaning charm, careful not to touch you until you nodded. His hand brushed your knee, then your thigh, his fingers trembling as he whispered the incantation again and wiped away the rest with his robe sleeve. 
When he was finished, he kissed the inside of your knee, then your hip, then your stomach like it was part of some silent apology only your skin could understand.
“I’m gonna help you down,” he said, voice soft.
You nodded, and he wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting you slowly from the table and holding you close while your legs adjusted. You swayed once, but he caught you instantly.
“You’re shaky,” he murmured.
“You fucked my legs numb, Park,” you whispered, trying to smile, and he let out a breathy laugh, burying his face in your neck.
“I’m never letting you go again,” he mumbled. “Not even if Snape drags me out of your bed himself.”
You held onto him tighter, forehead pressed to his collarbone. “You better keep that promise.”
He kissed your temple. Then your cheek. Then the corner of your mouth.
“I will,” he said. “Forever.”
He helped you sit on the edge of the table while he redressed—pulling his trousers back up, refastening his belt with one hand while the other stayed on your knee like he couldn’t bring himself to stop touching you. When he was done, he reached for your discarded panties, blushing faintly as he held them out to you.
“I should’ve asked first,” he said quietly. “Back then. In the shack.”
You looked up at him, heart aching. “You couldn’t. And I already told you… I don’t regret it.”
He nodded, but the guilt lingered behind his eyes. So you took his hand and laced your fingers through his again.
“We’ll be okay,” you said. “You and me.”
“We will,” he whispered.
You dressed in silence together, stealing soft glances and touches, letting the heat cool but not disappear. And when you finally stepped out of the greenhouse, blinking into the pale afternoon light, Jisung’s arm was already around your shoulders holding you close and as steady as the heartbeat you’d heard pounding through his chest not long ago.
And this time, when he kissed you, it wasn’t desperate or rushed. It was quiet and certain.
Like a promise kept.
eeeeek feedback is greatly appreciated! i love reading ur comments and anons <3
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ptts2023 · 2 months ago
Text
TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ANNOUNCEMENT 11 PART 01
Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: April 15, 2025
Table of Contents: Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 01 [I.] Recaps of the 5 High Priority In My Life [II.] Briefed Description On the PTTS [1.] Introduction A. Taking the First Step (Introduction Part 01) B. Being On The Same Page (Introduction Part 02) Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 02 [2.] Introduction Continue A. My Situation Summarization (Introduction Part 03) B. Begging For Mercy (Introduction Part 04) C. Redemption (Introduction Part 05) Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 03 [3.] Introduction Continue A. My Thoughts On the No Feedback (Introduction Part 06) B. Daily Tormenting Argument (Introduction Part 07) Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 04 [4.] Introduction Continue A. How To Deal With Tormented Repetition B. What I Want This Healing Process To Be About (Introduction Part 08) C. List of My Writings That Will Be Incorporated In This Healing Process D. My Goals On Acceptance And Forgiveness (Introduction Part 09)
How To Deal With Tormented Repetition
[Come Back To These Lines As Many Times As You Have To Begin]
[Redemption & Salvation Begin]
For argument sake, to not go over all the problems in my life. I would sees that the accumulated problems in my life is equivalent to the the Daily Tormenting Argument. So, the Daily Tormenting Argument is severe problems in my life. The Daily Tormenting Argument would lead to the Tormented Repetition. The Tormented Repetition would lead to the attacks from both sides:
The following are the attacks from Side 01: Because I have to deal with the adversities and bad luck in my life. Also, forced to keep looking for arguments against me, scenarios against me, conspiracies against me, scandals against me, and so on. I lived a tormented life and the tormenting make me can't focus on the things I do.
The following are the attacks from Side 02: I'm crushed by people arguing that the very bad people is not me. Because there are very bad people out there in the world.
There are beliefs that purgatory exist. As long as those beliefs exist, then there are redemption and salvation. It will come down to being tormented by the Tormented Repetition. Or, I would tell myself that purgatory exist.
Furthermore, whenever I felt that the Tormented Repetition in my life is too much and I can't endure it anymore. Then, I would tells myself I have the following choices:
Choice 01: I'm going to read Introduction Part 01-07 as many times as I have to. To go over all the arguments and problems in my life. And/or read "Redemption & Salvation" as many times as I have to.
Choice 02: I'm going to commit suicide or forced myself to think that I can't have redemption and salvation.
[Redemption & Salvation End]
Because this healing process is a long journey. Long Journey mean I have months of time. Years if I have to. Long Journey also mean that the Tormented Repetition will occur a long the way.
If I'm too tormented to read "Redemption & Salvation" over and over. Then, I would tells myself it is okay for me to have redemption & salvation.
[Come Back To These Lines As Many Times As You Have To End]
What I Want This Healing Process To Be About (Introduction Part 08)
What did I do that is so wrong? How could this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? Who started it?
Like I wrote in "Redemption (Introduction Part 05), the argument is I need a lawyer to help me out. Why am I so unimportant that my voice can't be heard and I have to have a lawyer to help me out? Why all the things I do are unimportant and no one would leave me feedbacks?
What are the rules of the game? Am I being punished? Am I being judged? It is a city-wide government reform? It is revenge on the whole city? It is punishment on the whole city? It is judgement on the whole city?
I would narrow down to the following questions is what I want to focus on: Why am I so unimportant and I have to have a lawyer to help me out? Why all the things I do are unimportant and no one would leave me feedbacks?
I would argues. Even though, there were high hopes that I would be able to becomes a successful person in my life. But, I'm flesh and blood like the people. So, I could feel pain. When there are too much pains in my life, I'm going to make the following very angry expression: "I have very important things to says. But, I have zero power to says it."
Even though, I'm already very angry to make that angry expression. But, what make me more angry is I have to explain why I made that angry expression.
I would argues if I don't have this healing process, "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness". Then, sooner or later, I'm going to have so much pains in my life and I have to make that angry expression.
The following are the things I didn't get to says to my father, Chung Wun Lam before he pass away:
"Father, if I could I would want to filled my memories with you were always there for me. But, there are a lot of facts and evidences that there were a lot things I did you were not with me. To name a few of those things: Me and my classmates created the unofficial local junior Empty Handed Combat league in the Crown Point Elementary School (CPES) campus on 1993 and continue to regulated it from 1993-1999. I accumulated 199 First Places in the TM Game Tournaments from 1999-2006. 2010, 2012, and 2014. I have became a leading TM Game Pioneer in my neighborhood.
From December 2015 to you pass away, 2022. Those 7 years living with you. I haven't got a day where I could sit down with you at a cafe shop and have a cup of coffee with you without thinking if people would leave me my first feedback on the PTTS posts I posted up at tumblr.com regularly.
But, you did asked me to go to cafe shop (McDonald Hamburger Restaurant) with you. And, have a cup of coffee with you. Me and you did sit down at cafe shop multiple times. Or, I would ordered to go. (The McDonald Hamburger Restaurant is close by to our house. Me and my father would go to that restaurant to buy hot coffee drinks. In a way, that restaurant is like a cafe shop to me and him.)
Especially that day I ordered the coffee to go. I was so upset that day about the PTTS have no feedback. I'm dealing with the problems in my life. So, I wanted to stop being upset by blaming me and you for the problems in my life. I made you hold my cup of coffee and your cup of coffee. Then, I pushed your wheelchair really fast. I wanted you to pour those 2 cups of coffee on yourself. After going over a few bumps on the sidewalk, you still haven't pour those 2 cups of coffee on yourself. So, I stopped the wheelchair. Grab those 2 cups of coffee from your hands. And, tossed away.
Because I'm so busy with the PTTS. I were not able to appreciate those 7 years living with you.
I'm repeating that same history right now, because right now I'm very busy with the PTTS. But, this time you are not here to ask me if I want to go to the cafe shop with you.
What I want to says is accepting life lesson is not easy. So happen right now the life lesson I'm bound to is what is life like without a father?
I didn't get a chance to appreciate those 7 years living with you.
I couldn't go to your funeral and I couldn't visit your grave.
I would argues that this life lesson is already a tough lesson. #1 and #2 would make it even more tougher.
The redemption is if I finished this healing process, "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness". Then, you and me could find forgiveness.
I would argues because the PTTS have no feedback. And, the problems in my life. I don't know if I could finish it or not. For some reasons I unable to finish it. Then, I have to find ways to accept this life lesson, "What is life like without a father?" And, forgive myself to be bound to this life lesson."
Reason 01: My life workout for me. I have a manageable schedule. I don't feel very confused all the time. I have a good standing occupation that have a steady income. I live in a community that have been very supportive on all the things I do. My father been very supportive on all the things I do. Then, I don't need this healing process. Or, this healing process won't even cross my mind.
Reason 02: Becaue this healing process is important to me. Example: This healing process will able me to find acceptance and forgiveness. That is why I'm having a lot of pressures on not able to finish it is not an option.
I would argues that it seem like what I have wrote so far, Introduction Part 01-07 and this introduction is not enough for me to get pass Reason 01 and Reason 02. Even though, me and my father live togethet for 7 years of time from 2015-2022. But, to cope with Reason 01 and Reason 02, I have to sees that the life lesson, "What is life like without a father?" is not easy to accept.
What I wanted to says is I'm going to keep dwelling on the problems in my life and I won't able to begin this healing process. Or, the problems in my life I have pointed out so far in Introduction Part 01-07 and this introduction would created too much pressures for me to begin this healing process.
In "Taking the First Step (Introduction Part 01)", I wrote that "I'm going to be working on "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness"." Basically, I just wanted to point out that there are urgency in my life. So, I changed my schedule to keep up with the urgency in my life.
In Introduction Part 01-07, I basically explained why I needed t be working on this healing process, "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness". This mean in Introduction Part 01-07 I have been talking about this healing process.
So, this section, "What I Want This Healing Process To Be About (Introduction Part 08)" I'll continue talking about the introduction. The brainstormed plan for this healing process, "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness" is to talk about the events in my life from the day I was born. To where I am at today. Even though, it would be more organize to have those events in chronological order. But, it is okay if it is not chronological order.
I would accumulated the writings I have wrote about the events in my life. Then, incorporated those events in my life with this healing process. Nevertheless, I would only accumulated the recent writings I wrote. Within 6-12 months.
Continue with the brainstormed plan for this healing process above, I want to basically use this healing process to manage my life. Like a personal daily planner.
This mean I get to heals the problems in my life. Also, have a personal daily planner to manage my life.
Read below, "List of My Writings That Will Be Incorporated In This Healing Process" to know about those writings I'm going to incorporated in this healing process.
List of My Writings That Will Be Incorporated In This Healing Process
I been facing discouragements my whole life. But, on 2012 becoming the founder of PTTS and establishing the PTTS. I have faced much more discouragements than before. I would argues that to get pass those discouragments I'm facing. I have to keep moving. Because I'm constantly keep moving forward, so I sees my works as in the following categories: Need to proof read and make correction. Or, not completed and need more time to work on it.
Like I wrote in "What I Want This Healing Process To Be About (Introduction 08)", I would only accumulated the recent writings I wrote. Within 6-12 months.
Need To Proof Read And Make Correction:
"Spiral of Conspiracies Story"
"My Reasons On Being An Animator" Date Written: January 18, 2025 (Already Proof Read And Made Correction)
"Rough Neighborhood" Including "X-Game In Pacific Beach"
"Demon Hunter Or Vampire Hunter" (Included In "Repetition In My Daily Life")
"Dealing With Conspiracies Against Development"
"Redeeming Myself As An Animator"
"What Did I Want the Arowra Series Books To Be About?"
"My Confession Painful Truth" Part 01 & 02 (Already Proof Read And Made Correction)
"It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope?" Part 01-07
"Humanitarian" (Included In "It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope?" Part 01)
"Controversy Leadership" (Included In "It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope?" Part 01)
"Bad Luck With Girlfriends" Part 01 & 02 (Included In "It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope?" Part 04 & 05)
"Collecting Pictures of Nude Women" (Included In "It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope?" Part 05)
"Bad Luck With Girlfriends Redemption" (Included In "It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope?" Part 06)
Not Completed And Need More Time To Work On It:
"Dirt-Cheap Survival Guide For Starving Animator"
"Leading Students Redemption" Documentary
"A Guide To the Names In Animation Industry and Video Game Industry"
"Brave Attempt To Authenticity & Long Term Video Game Database"
"Flame of Secret World Introduction & Explanation"
"PTTS Revelation"
The following are brainstorm ideas to make rooms in my schedule to write this healing process and also able to work on other things:
I could used Photoshop to create a Recognizable PTTS Paper Form Template for my writings. So, the world would recognized it right away that it is created by PTTS.
I have started illustrating a few of the covers for my writings. Using those cover illustrations as templates and continue illustrating and/or editing cover illustrations for my writings. In addition, I want to have a cover illustration for this healing process, "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness".
Make the 6 PTTS Blocks into a magazine format. Each PTTS Block equivalent to 1 magazine. Once I know the process how to make it into a magazine format, then I could do it at a faster pace and higher productivity. While I'm making it into a magazine format, I could have a chance to proof read and make correction to those PTTS Blocks. Including making updates. All those events in the 6 PTTS Blocks are based on actual events in my life. The exceptions are there are very few contents I wrote about the MTG Storylines from the World of MTG Multiverses.
In summary, while I'm writing the healing process, I could organized and polished the works I have done in the past on the side.
Daily Planner
Like I wrote in "What I Want This Healing Process To Be About (Introduction 08)", I want to have a daily planner in my schedule. In other words, I think that if I have a daily planner in my schedule, then I could achieve my goal on having a manageable schedule.
In the past, I have looked at some of the daily planner available in the office stores. And, I have started creating my own daily planner. Daily planner could be just like a calendar. Basically, daily planner is a more organized way to list the list of things in my schedule. Because in a daily planner I would indicate the date and time I would accomplish those things.
I would balance the following things in my schedule: Writing the healing process. Work on those other things I brainstormed in my schedule while writing the healing process. And, creating a calendar to be use as my daily planner.
My Goals On Acceptance And Forgiveness (Introduction 09)
From looking at the title of this healing process, "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness" you could see that I'm having goals on want to able to accept the problems in my life. Also, forgive myself for the problems in my life. So, My Goals On Acceptance And Forgiveness have similar meaning to the title. Because the primary goals is the same as the title. But, a long way of this long journey I may incorporate other goals to go along with the primary goals.
To not let the very confusing make my life into an endless cycle of the following: "Why my status got dropped so low? How everything in my life got flipped upside down?" I keep it at: I have to deal with the "Tormented Daily Argument" daily.
The following is the curse in my life:
[My Cursed Life Begin]
[Curse 01 Begin]
My father have got praises as the most handsome among his 6 brothers in his family. Then, his handsome looking trait passed down to me. I have got praises as the most handsome among my 5 brothers.
In addition, people have to go through very expensive facial surgeries to make their facial appearance more beautiful. As for me, my father passed down his handsome looking trait to me. I don't have to go through expensive facial surgeries.
The curse is I can't get a girlfriend. I have to explained about bad luck with girlfriends. And, meeting bad luck girlfriends. Also, I have so much embarrassments in my life each time I bring up the girlfriend topic.
So, I have to self-criticize myself and crush my praises for having the handsome trait by saying I should have been born ugly and deform to be accepted in the society.
[Curse 01 End]
Curse 02: I have to go through a lot of tough struggles to achieve the achievements in my life. The curse is my achievements have became the sources of the problems in my life and arguments against me. In other words, my achievements supposed to bring me wealth and celebrations. But, it is creating problems in my life. And, the world is using my achievements to go against me.
[My Cursed Life End]
The argument is what is worse than my cursed life is the world ignored me. Nobody acknowledge me. The world don't acknowledge anything I do. Being ignored make me invisible to the world. Not important.
It would come down to the following choices:
Choice 01: Let people make my life into a cursed life.
Choice 02: Accept to live a life that people would ignore all the things I do.
Comparing people with their average life and doing their everyday activities with the problems in my life. Then, the problems in my life would be too hard to believe.
Example1: Come on. There are hiring signs all over the neighborhood. Go get a job. For some reasons you can't get a job, there are job training programs. And, unemployment programs.
Example2: I should have management and responsibility over my life in the first place. Because bad luck, adversities, and bad things don't just happen to people for no reason. That is why my situation is too hard to believe.
Come on. You said nobody gave you a chance. Because you only have 2 years of high school reporter position. Now you get to make an investigation into your own life. So, what it is smartass, it is a cursed life? Or, it is the world ignored you? Or, you are just very confused about what is happening to you?
Don't you have any responsibilities and management over your own life? How could you let the world sunk you so low? Don't you feel unimportant talking about you want the world to stop tormenting you, because people have been struggling for fortune and fame? Where is your pride or worthiness?
While I'm are very busy trying to manage my very confused life. By trying to figure out it is a cursed life? Or, it is the world ignored me? The world puts the weights of the world on me. By creating the "Great Expectation" pressures in my life.
There is no expectation about being very confused. So, the "Great Expectation" would be contradicted.
I could barely greeted my mother or look at my mother. How could I have the "Great Expectation" pressures in my life?
The following are a few examples from the "Great Expectation":
Boyfriend Expectation: To show expectation on the right way or proper way on how to be around girlfriend, how to treat girlfriend, how to go out on a date with a girlfriend, how to buy a gift for a girlfriend, how to live with girlfriend, and so on. Including hygiene. Organized. Mannerism (Articulation and finesse).
Role Model Expectation: To show expectation on leadership and the right way or proper way on how to be a role model or leader. Including leadership. Motivational speaker. Speech making.
Celebrity Expectation: To show expectation on the right way or proper way to make appearance in public as a movie star or popular lead singer. Including main role in movies. Being on stage. Center of attention all the time.
A famous poet doing a good deed service by leave me the following feedback on the "Great Expectation": The "Great Expectation" is like the ocean. Even the champion of champions swimmer can't survive the ocean.
I would argues to not be very confused, I have to go with my life is cursed. Or, the world ignored me.
My cursed life. Or, the world ignored me. Is already a tormented life. With the "Great Expectation" pressures in my life also. Would add more weights to my tormented life.
I been using the following expression: "How could there be so much pains and sufferings in one passages of life?"
Is my face the face of a revolution to a brave new era that the world is not ready for?
The following acceptance and forgiveness is hard for me to accept:
During my childhood years, my life is a tough struggle. So, I keep telling myself ways to cope with the tough struggles. Things was very mess up back then. I keep it at tough struggles for humanity sake.
To not dwell on the very mess up things in my childhood years. I would set goals on better management of my life to not repeat the same history.
If for some reasons I die before I finished this healing process. Then, it would have been easier to move on with my life. If #1 and #2 didn't happen in my life.
On 2006, my father, Chung Wun Lam went to the country of Cambodia. The Cambodia Newspapers published articles about my father writing his autobiography book. From what I heard, the people of Cambodia welcomed my father. After he done writing his autobiography book, he printed around 4,000 copies. In the San Diego airport, I helped him transferred the 4,000 copies from the airport to our garage. Then, around 2007, I saw about 2 times there are reporters/journalists came to our house to interview my father.
In summary, looking at my father publishing his autobiography book. He is in the Newspaper. Cambodia welcomed him and accommodated him for writing his book. He able to printed 4,000 copies. More or less, he doesn't have to go through what I'm going through right now.
No one want me to continue writing this healing process. I keep pissing myself off each time to point out I have no feedback. It like I don't feel any embarrassment about it.
To give myself a break I would point out why people wanted to stop me from writing this healing process so much? Why my father writing his autobiography book is a success and he able to printed out 4,000 copies?
There is something about this healing process that is making the world want to stop me from writing it. But, I already wrote as much of the problems in my life as possible in Introduction Part 01-08 and this introduction. So, I would argues I already did my part on the "Discretion".
If the world still want to kill me before I could finish writing this healing process. Then, I'm not going pissed off myself by self-criticize myself about if there is something I could done better for the world to not want to kill me.
What I wanted to says is on the very last moment of my life I finally found out that I'm just another bystander like the billions of people in the world. Yet, I try to be special by writing this healing process.
Or, I just die without knowing if I'm just a bystander. Or, the world have recognized my name.
I would argues maybe if I'm smart I could probably live until I'm an old man and die of old age. But, I'm 41 years old. I haven't really make plan about the following: plan about my life, having a family, settle down with settlements, and/or settlements in general.
So, I'm going to make a stand about my life. That stand is even if I have to die not knowing if I'm just a bystander or not. Or, even if I found out I'm just a bystander. Then, I would argues that bystanders could settle down also.
Even though, I know the argument is bystander is equivalent to not important in the world. But, I could picture myself dying without closing my eye as though I have something I can't let go. That something is why I am so unimportant in the world?
I vibe the following argument: Does my complain about being unimportant in the world will reflect and influence this healing process?
I'm going to point out this last argument, then I will begin this healing process.
I was never been told that healing process is a lot of pains and sufferings. Also, a very tough struggle.
I'm in a lot of pains and I'm very confused. So, I need this healing process. But, the argument is when was the last time I got any respect or feedback?
The discouragements of writing this healing process will lead to what if I didn't write this healing process, could I have used those times and efforts to manage my life?
"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 05" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Announcement 11 Part 02.
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thebluester2020 · 5 months ago
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[SDV] SDV Bachelors x Reader With Big Tits
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Give your thanks to @angelsfics221 !
Summary: The SDV Bachelors (+ Maru ) being horndogs over the reader/farmer having a huge pair of personalities.
Warning(s): Pure horny energy from the jump, Masturbation, The guys are big tit fiends ngl, Top! Reader (In Maru's part), Whiny Alex + Sam (I kinda always write whiny Sam though)
Side Note(s): As a member of the big titties club. I'm a certified PHD at this topic (And the fact that, once you have a rack, you sign away any rights to doing jumping jacks again—)
Hope you enjoy! Sorry for the long wait 😔
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Elliot
Nipple sucking while giving him a blow-job.
That's all I need to say.
While I imagine that Elliot would be respectful, don't get me wrong. He's still human and he has fantasies like anyone else would! I'd like to imagine that he truly appreciated your huge personalities when summer came.
After you finished your chores for the day, you decided to take a trip to the beach and have some fun in the water! And when Elliot stepped out of his cabin to innocently read on the pier—
He didn't even notice he had dropped his book when he saw you. Your two-piece almost seeming to struggle holding your tits in as you lightly kicked at the water and splashed in it.
Each time you bent down to scoop water into your hands, blissfully unaware of the man whose eyes were practically glued to your figure. The writer felt like he had been transported to heaven and back.
He knew he had to talk to you and that he did!
A conversation that went sooo well that you were more than happy to tour his small cabin and let him appreciate your figure from a whole lot closer than the pier.
♡ - Elliot's mind was dizzy with lust and shame.
Usually, he'd have more decorum than this.
He'd first get to know a person, learn their hobbies and interests as well as their personality long before the idea of sex even dared to cross his mind, much less think to slip from his tongue! But with you? It seemed like all manners just went out the window.
That first glimpse of you at the beach was enough to make his knees buckle and his book fall into the salty water below, immediately forgotten about in the face of your breasts threatening to slip from your bikini with each movement you made, but now? As he relished in the feeling of your hand tenderly stroking his dick as he sucked at your nipple, his hand gently massaging the other and eliciting sweet moans from your kiss-swollen lips—he could really care less about manners and decorum.
Especially with how he struggled to delay his orgasm to enjoy this moment even longer. "Such gorgeous tits..." Elliot moaned against your chest, not wanting to part from your nipple for even a second.
Your face flushed at the compliment before a drawn-out moan left your lips when Elliot's hand went from your breast to your aching sex, his finger quickly finding your hard clit before he began to gently pet at it. Your hips bucked forward unconsciously, a shudder running up and down your spine as you moaned breathlessly at the light touching Elliot delivered onto you.
You were briefly snapped from your mind slowly losing its grip on reality when Elliot suddenly hissed, causing you to quickly realize you had gripped him too hard. "...S-Sorry..." You said. Before you could move your hand from his cock, Elliot's hand shot down to grab your wrist before he guided you back to his leaking dick, briefly parting from your breast, his eyes dark with lust. "I'm...fine." He said, having to inhale deeply between each word.
"Squeeze me again," Then, he immediately returned to your breast, lightly nipping at your nipple. When Elliot felt your hand began to squeeze his cock, gently rubbing him up and down, he bucked up into your hand as his mind wasted no time swarming with even dirtier thoughts of what he wanted to do to you. He desperately wanted to know what your tits would look like, how they would move when he fucked you, he wanted to mark them up, pinch and knead at them as if he were playing with a toy.
And he knows you'd let him do whatever he wants with you.
You were all too eager to shed your clothes and let him kneel before you before he all too quickly sucked and massaged your breasts, like a devotee worshipping their goddess— "F-Fuck..." Elliot whispered against you as he felt his orgasm creeping up on him. "Baby...please."
Your cunt clenched at his light begging as you then lightly smirked, your ministrations on him quickening much to the writer's delight. He grasped onto you tighter, holding onto you as if you were his lifeline and the only thing keeping him from descending into the depths of madness. Babbles of "pleasepleaseplease" and "I'm so close, don't stop" fell from his lips as easy as water would from a broken dam. You were so engrossed in his begging, you hadn't noticed he had came until he suddenly threw his head back to let out a loud unfiltered moan and warmth covered the top of your hand.
You looked at his twitching dick, his cum seeming to flow out from his tip endlessly until Elliot finally relaxed against you.
You couldn't let this be a one-time thing, and neither could he! You both were definitely going to keep in contact with one another.
Sebastian
Shockingly, I think he'd be the least horniest on this list.
Like yeah, he's not going to say no to groping and sucking a pair of huge tits but I'm standing firm on the hill that he's either an ass or thigh man.
However, when y'all had reached the stage where you two were dating and you eventually brought him over to your house?
As he watched you bounce up and down on his dick, the plapping noises alongside your tits moving in front of his face nearly made him cum on the spot.
To him? He felt like he had suddenly been placed right in the middle of a porno and the idea of marking up your tits was wayyyy too irresistible to him all of a sudden.
♡ - He felt like he was losing his mind by the passing second.
Drool dribbled from the side of his mouth, his bottom lip sucked into his mouth as he watched the arousing sight of you using him as if he were your own personal dildo, bouncing yourself up and down his cock. "Fuckfuckfuck...!" Sebastian whined as he gripped your thighs even tighter.
His moans and whines only fueled you to go faster before you fell forward a little, placing your hands on either side of Sebastian's head as you gripped the sheets and fucked yourself onto him even harder. "S-Shit...!" You cried out. "Sebby...your twitching so much," You breathlessly teased him, the rest of your words dying in your throat in the face of your boyfriend's dick practically sending you to an entirely different reality. But, while Sebastian's cock made you dumb in the skull...heart eyes nearly formed in Sebastian's gaze as his vision was locked onto the way your breasts moved up and down in front of his face.
Now, he didn't consider himself a boob man and was more into your thighs and ass.
However, he'd think something was wrong with him if his mouth didn't water at the sight of your tits moving in his face. Unmarked and practically begging for his mouth to latch onto them.
Which is exactly what he did.
"Fuuuckkk..." He groaned deeply, lifting his head ever so slightly to latch onto one of your nipples. As he begun to suck, he grunted when he felt you clench even tighter around his cock, nearly making him cum right then and there before pushing aside the feeling in the wake of wanting to enjoy your tits even longer as you fucked him. And especially how you looked at him as he did so. The darks of your pupils nearly took over the color of your eyes as you fucked yourself even harder onto him.
"So cute Seb~" You praised before you gasped when you felt his cock twitch inside you again.
You knew that he was weak to your praises, even in a more innocent setting, when you'd praise him for something so simple such as taking out the trash for you. He'd blush and turn his head away so cutely! But now? As he sucked and lightly bit on your nipples, his grip on your thighs tightening by the moment as he started to lose control and gently fuck up into you...the sheer pleasure of his cockhead touching the deepest parts inside of you, you knew that he deserved wayyyyy more praise for making you feel so good. "My tits are enough to make you like this?" You continued to speak, biting back your moans as much as you could to push out your words. "If I knew this, I would let you kiss and suck on them as much as you like Sebby—" Sebastian responded with a groan before it weakened into a whine, one of his eyes cracking open to look up at you as his pace quickened even more, the force of his thrusts punching out even more moans and whines out from your lips.
Your eyes threatened to roll to the back of your head. "Shit...!" You gasped. "Just like that...! Keep fucking me juusst like that~!" You moaned as you lost control in your arms a little, your tits squishing against Sebastian's face even more than they already were.
And that was enough to break the poor man as both of his hands suddenly wrapped around your torso while his feet dug into the bed, his hips suddenly pistoning up into you as he fucked you like he suddenly hated you. Tears of pleasure began to escape from the corner of your eyes as you felt the knot in the pit of your stomach begin to tighten almost painfully as you begged for your boyfriend to make you cum over his cock.
"S-Sebastian!" You cried out as you tits squished even more against him, your hands tangling themselves in his hair. With one last thrust and muffled moan, he suddenly stilled against you just as the knot inside you snapped, a sharp gushing sound splitting against Sebastian's abdomen and thighs as you both blanked out momentarily from your respective orgasms.
And when you started to come back down...you were the first to quickly lift yourself so you didn't accidentally smother your boyfriend. "S-Seb?" You stuttered, a combination of sudden embarrassment and still trying to come back from your orgasm. "I didn't mean to smother—"
He interrupted you with a shake of his head as his grip around your torso tightened once more. "Let's do that again."
Sam
I'm pretty sure all of y'all are familiar with how cartoon characters' eyes will bulge out when they someone they like, right? Yeah, Sam's eyes do that the moment he sees you for the first time.
One day, he was riding through town on his skateboard before he briefly heard Lewis mention the new farmer in town to someone! Sam had no clue what you looked like but he at least hoped you were friendly.
So imagine the way he absolutely eats dirt when he sees you for the first time.
Gorgeous and with a pair of tits that were nothing to scoff at? As he dusted the dirt from himself, he nearly cursed himself out for embarrassing himself in front of you without even getting a chance to say hello yet!
Luckily, you were laidback and friendly, only smiling briefly as you helped Sam up and introduced yourself in the process.
You were sooooo sweet. But god it was hard for Sam to keep his eyes on your face when faint droplets of sweat were rolling down your neck before disappearing into the valley of your breasts. It had him struggling to breathe and wishing that the pleasantries would end soon so he could go home.
All so he could fist his cock to a porn video of a woman that looked suspiciously like you
Until he gained the courage to speak to you again + got over the guilt of fucking his hand to the new farmer in town who had only arrived a few days ago. You were a star feature in every single daydream he had of you (which was nearly every day at this point) while he moaned out your name in his bedroom.
♡ - "Oh Yoba..."
Sam was currently in his room, all of his lights turned off and his phone at the lowest possible volume as he fisted his dick under the covers, all as his eyes were glued to the screen held in his hand. Earlier today, he had the pleasure of meeting a beautiful new face in town!
You.
You seemed so warm-hearted and friendly...and you were oh so pretty as well. But...what really caused Sam to be fucking his fist like some depraved pervert to the new farmer in town? Your huge tits, they alone were the reason he fell on his skateboard in front of you and made a complete ass of himself! Although you were kind and helpful to him (adding only more fuel to the fire of him suddenly lusting after you), as you bent down to help him up, your shirt revealing the tops of your breasts did nothing to help quell the boner that was suddenly raging in his pants.
Which is how he arrived at this very moment, looking at a porno of a woman whose breasts resembled your own all as she gave a boobjob to a dildo. The woman's face being covered only added to Sam's imagination as he could easily think of the woman being you and...instead of a dildo, it was his cock instead that you were slowly dragging your tits up and down on— "O-Oh fuck..." He cursed breathlessly, the bitten part of his shirt falling from his lips as Sam's breathless moans escaped from his lips.
His eyes began to burn with unshed tears of pleasure as he watched the woman's movement begin to speed up, his hands speeding up in order to quickly match the pace before the woman began to speak. 'She sounds nice...' Sam thought absentmindedly until his mind drifted back over to your face, coated in light pretty make-up with an accentuation to your lips.
He squeezed the head of his cock at the thought of your lips gently suckling his cockhead as you rubbed your soft tits up and down him, your half-lidded eyes looking up at him through your lashes while the faintest hint of a smirk could be seen. At another time, Sam would've felt mildly disgusted about what he was doing, he barely even knew you and yet he was pre-cum was leaking from his tip so much at the sheer idea of you treating his cock so well.
Sam's head sunk further into his pillow as he felt his orgasm quickly approaching, the hand that held his phone falling out of his hand before he began to massage his leaky tip. "Y/N...!" He panted even louder. Electricity felt like it was dancing throughout his body as his hips bucked up into his hand in search of more pleasure, the blonde's mind only filled with one single thing.
You, you, you, you, you.
How pretty you were and how gorgeous your tits were as you helped him stand back up. How friendly you were and how much he wished that his cock hadn't ruined the conversation the two of you were having, he desperately wanted to talk to you more...see where things went and— "S-Shit...!" Sam gasped, managing to give his cock a few more strokes before he felt strings of ropey cum hit his abdomen. As he gently fell back from Cloud 9, he released a breath he hadn't even known he was holding in before he relaxed.
Once he was free of his embarrassment of falling in front of you earlier today and masturbating to you despite barely even knowing you to begin with. He'd definitely work up the courage to speak to you more.
Harvey
Very respectful, very demure. He's not blind to the fact that you have huge tits but he's not going to go wild over them (to your face)
But when the time comes for you to have your yearly wellness check. I have a feeling that's his favorite time of the year as feeling up your tits to check for your lumps literally makes him ascend to the moon, only after making sure you were healthy of course!
But as soon as that check-up ends? Cue this man alerting Maru at the front desk that he's going to rest for a little in his room.
A quick masturbation sesh with you starring in it, all as he imagines playing and kneading your chest—he's never cum so fast.
But now he can't look at you without nearly turning into a tomato either.
♡ - A doctor should never do this.
It violated every rule in the book, even if you didn't know. He knew!
But, as Harvey currently sat on his bed, biting on his shirt like his life depended on it. His brain could only think of you and you alone, and how soft your tits felt in his hands. Like clouds almost, a regular procedure that he had done time and time again for many types of patients shouldn't have had his cock aching like this! But...you, you were different. Throughout the procedure, you had to have known what you were doing as you kept a steady eye on him as he moved the stethoscope over your chest to listen to your heartbeat.
While he stood in front of you nearly giving himself a nosebleed from how hard he was blushing, you looked at him with a soft smile without a single care in the world, as if you didn't know how you were affecting him!
And the second your wellness check was over...he was all too eager to rush back to his room, grab some lotion and tend to his leaky dick— "Miss Y/N..." He moaned to himself quietly, despite the situation and you not physically being here, he at least had enough decency left to refer to you in a respectful manner despite what he was doing. He tried not to let his thoughts sink into depravity too much, simply masturbating to the imagination of how your chest felt against him...and how much he wanted to see what they looked like without your shirt to cover them...and then if you would let him suck them— "S-Shit—!" He threw his head back suddenly to cry out before electricity suddenly sparked throughout his veins, a warmth suddenly coating his fist before he shakily looked down.
Harvey stared down at his cum-coated dick and fist in a daze for a long few minutes, he had never cum so quickly much less to the thought of someone who was essentially a complete stranger! Perhaps he was the one who actually needed the check-up...or, maybe it was best to stay away from you altogether...to avoid another bad situation like this.
Alex
The second least horniest on this list.
Not that he's not attracted to your huge personalities of course! It's just—everything about you is attractive to him. Your full figure and the mere sight of it was already enough to make him throb in his pants, your tits were just a nice added bonus.
Buutttt, when you two get to know each other and start becoming intimate, he's definitely not saying no to the possibility of straddling your torso and fucking your tits.
That night alone made him switch of to having a preference for tits ever since.
♡ - "You're sooooo dirty for letting me do this babe~"
It was a bit contradictory, he'd admit, Alex was the one who suddenly came up to you one day with the suggestion of fucking your tits! Although he was more of an ass man and was your number one fan of fucking up into you as you sat on his cock reverse cowgirl...when you'd face him, and watch how your tits would move up and down in a hypnotizing fashion—it was exactly how things got to where they were now.
Him straddling your torso as he pressed your boobs together around his girthy cock, your head turned down a little to lap at his cock each time it began to poke at your lips. The sight of you licking his tip as he fucked your tits made Alex's mouth water, the urge to cum stronger than ever but he was determined to hold back. He definitely didn't want this moment to end too soon. "Fuck..." He moaned as he leaned forward a little, bracing a hand just above your head as he began to grip the sheets as his pace sped up, your hands quickly pressing your breasts together to keep them squished around his leaky cock.
"Your boobs feel so good baby...we should do this every day, huh?"
You responded via suckling on his tip, the act alone making Alex whine as lewd plapping noises could quietly be heard from how hard he was fucking your chest, as if he were actually fucking your pussy. And his mind? He might as well have been! In this moment, the titjob you were giving him was just as addicting as the warm walls of your pussy. Each thrust was eager, every movement of his hips that brought his cock backward was followed by him rushing to thrust forward again as your soft lips were the reward.
But it was when you started to massage his cockhead with the palm of your hand that he really began to lose it. "F-Fuck—!" Alex cried out, his head dropping to dizzily look at the bedsheets as he tried to hold onto his sanity, hold onto his noises.
You definitely weren't going to have that. "Don't hold back your sounds Alex." Your voice just barely managed to reach Alex's ears over the sound of his rushing pulse in his ears and the sound of skin slapping against skin. Your request made his ears began to turn red and his cheeks burn, you were supposed to be the one who was noisy, not him! But...every attempt to refocus his brain and contain his sounds, turn them from whines into groans ended in pure failure as he couldn't deny how much he was enjoying your tits. "B-Baby..." He moaned. "Pleasepleaseplease....let me cum on your pretty tits..." He begged as his rhythm grew sloppier, pre-cum practically spilling every on your chest with how close he was to his orgasm.
The sound and sight of your boyfriend being so needy, begging you to cum when it was typically the other way around nearly made you cum untouched. You were absolutely loving this!
How could you ever think to say no?
"Cum on my tits babe," You moaned, replacing the palm of your hands with your mouth. The way the flat of your tongue lapped at his slit was all it took for the dam to break, Alex's abdomen flexing as he came, ropes of his hot cum flooding your mouth before it began to dribble out the sides of your lips when it became too much for you to drink down. Yet, when he was able to, when Alex slid himself away from the warm comforts of your chest to see what he had done to you...the trails of cum that dribbled out the sides of your mouth along with the leaky trail he left along your chest and stomach.
How you looked at him as if you wanted more.
He felt himself hardening almost immediately. "S-Sexy..." He stuttered, running a hand through his hair.
"Can...we do that again?"
Shane
Your very own personal tit massager
But I feel like he'd have his own little special place in the realm of big tit enjoyers (Though it'd be similar to Alex)
Everything about you is attractive to him, whether you have a fat ass, flat ass, big tits or small tits! Nothing could turn you off for him.
With this being said though—I genuinely believe that your tits are more so a way for him to further get you in the mood rather than him being obsessed over him. He likes your huge boobs, don't get me wrong but he'd slowly massage them while thigh-fucking you slowly. He wants you to get you in the mood, make you practically beg him to stop playing with your boobs and fuck you like a whore instead!
Fast and rough sex right from the start is all fun and all but—
He definitely enjoys the wait as well, hearing you all but scream for him to fuck you is enough to nearly make him cum on the spot.
♡ - "Shane...please." You begged sweetly into his ear as your boyfriend sat behind you, gently fucking your thighs while his head sat on your shoulder, looking over at the way he massaged your boobs.
And he did so with an intensely watchful eye. The weight and warmth of your tits made him harder and harder by the second. When Shane suggested fucking your thighs while he played with your tits, it was a...prelude of sorts, this wasn't enough to make him cum and even if it was, his cum was reserved for your mouth or pussy only. This foreplay was less about him and more so you, a way for him to listen to your needy moans and imagine how dirty they would become as you would soon scream for him once he speared you on his cock.
"Y' beg so cutely honey, almost makes me wanna fuck your gushing pussy next..." He whispered in your ear, his deep voice in combination with how he lightly bit the shell of your ear making you whine as you clenched around nothing. And the feeling of his cock lightly rubbing against your cunt, not enough to pleasure you but enough to let you know that it was there just out of reach from where you needed him the most.
It was enough to nearly drive you insane. "T-Then fuck my pussy..." You panted. "P-Please?"
You pouted cutely when Shane made a humming noise as if he were genuinely considering your request. "Nah." He smirked wickedly before he gently pinched your nipple, your grip on his forearms tightening at the action. "Let me enjoy these fat tits a lil' longer honey, along with these thighs..." He sped up his thrusts to accentuate his words, the increased speed of his thrusts doing a little more to just begin to rub against your hard clit but still...definitely not enough to make you cum.
"Shane, please."
He looked at you from the corner of his eye, his brow cocking upward lazily as if he were searching for something more. He was having so much fun playing with you as he was!
For ruining his fun so early on...he was going to make you work for the privilege of his dick fucking you stupid. "So impatient," With the way he clicked his tongue, you would've almost thought he were genuinely annoyed if you hadn't seen that ghost of a smirk begin to tickle the edges of his mouth. "Y' gotta beg me better than that for ruinin' my fun hon'."
Your cheeks burned even brighter, your face hiding in the crook of his neck in an attempt to briefly hide yourself away.
Yet, Shane didn't let it last long with how his thrusts all of a sudden slowed down and his hands stopped moving. "Well?"
You took your head from his neck, looking up at him with a teary expression. "P-Please..." You started.
His brow rose even higher, a silent warning of 'Not good enough'.
"Shane...please—!" You whined. "Fuck my aching pussy, I wanna cum on your cock...i-it hurts!" The dick had the nerve to hum again! The wait was making you ache even more than ever! But, just before you were about to smack his arm out of your own fit of annoyance, Shane suddenly parted your legs to begin rubbing fierce circles on your clit, the sudden pleasure making you throw your head back to let out a shrill moan.
"Fine, fine." He chuckled.
"I'll fuck this needy lil' pussy."
Bonus! Maru
I'm not going to lie, I only included Maru because corruption kinks go brrr.
So let's set the scene like this, Maru spots the farmer and immediately gains a crush on them. Your entire figure as well as how warm-hearted you appeared to be had the poor girl head-over-heels for you in a matter of minutes.
When you finally find a chance to talk to Maru, you immediately love how shy she appears to be around you and how she tries to make it not obvious that she's stealing glances at your tits.
Butttt there's a problem. Demetrius and him being overprotective of his daughter.
So the farmer plays the long game with Maru, flirting with her which turns into Maru being out later and later to spend more time with the farmer. Which then turns into her sneaking out late at night to go to the farmer's house.
And it doesn't take a genius to know what happened next once Maru and the farmer got to that stage.
The farmer coaxing Maru into multiple orgasms while she got to suck and massage the farmer's tits!
♡ - When you first came to this town, you had never thought that you would find someone as cute as Maru. When she had introduced herself to you, the way she tried to keep her eyes everywhere but your chest was amusing to say the least, enough to where you wanted to get to know her more! You wouldn't deny that you were a fan of shy girls.
But...you supposed that your least favorite thing about shy women was the potential they had for an overprotective father.
Which Maru had.
Demetrius.
But you were nothing if not patient, you flirted with Maru and talked to her as much as you could. You hardly said a word to her before she was the one who was talking to you until the wee hours of the morning, and you definitely didn't say anything when she started appearing at your house all of a sudden! All as she confessed that she snuck out just to talk to you a little bit longer!
You blushed at the bold confession but it both warmed your heart and worried you, you liked her but you neither wanted to get her into trouble much less have Demetrius coming to your doorstep asking where Maru was when she was a grown woman.
But...you supposed it was too late to be worried about such things now.
Especially as you and Maru were currently in bed together, Maru weakly kneading your tits adorably as her eyes glazed over with pleasure as you circled and played with her clit. "Feels good, huh?" You giggled, another fit of giggles leaving your lips when she nodded her head dumbly. "Cutie...you should use your words~" You then began to slow your fingers down, shocking Maru enough for her to stutter.
"F-Feels good...!" She said. "Don't...don't stop, please?"
Maru suddenly let out a gasp, followed by a soft moan as you quickly started circling her throbbing clit once more, her slick beginning to coat your thigh as she mindlessly started to grind herself against you all as she tried to pleasure you in return via lazily sucking on your tits. Your cunt clenched at the adorable sight, especially how she looked up at you through lidded eyes but tonight wasn't about you, you were intent on giving Maru her first real orgasm with your own fingers.
And...getting her to that point almost seemed too easy with the way she was beginning to squirm, causing you to wrap an arm around her to fasten her to yourself so she wasn't able to escape. "Y' close Maru~?" You whispered in her ear, her clit twitching in response. "Your practically soaking my thigh."
When Maru tried tucking her face in the valley between your breasts, you once again took your fingers away much to her disappointment. "Why—"
"Girls who hide don't get their cunts touched," You said teasingly but with a present firmness that made your lover nod her head before her moans once again began to leave her lips as you pinched her clit. Suddenly, her mind began to spin as the pace of your fingers started to speed up, the mind-numbing pleasure in combination with the brief stints of pain you'd deliver via suddenly pinching her clit creating a delicious concoction that practically made her scream.
Until her vision suddenly blanked, your eyes widening at the way Maru squirted on your thigh as a shrill moan let her throat. You whistled lowly at the arousing sight, your mouth watering as you all of a sudden wished that you could taste it.
But...as your partner's head fell onto your chest, her body heaving as she attempted to catch her breath. Once she was finished coming down from her high...you were determined to make her cum again, this time on your mouth.
1K notes · View notes
reilemon · 9 months ago
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🌊Beneath the Abyss🌊
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♡︎ synopsis: Lured by a haunting melody, you find yourself pulled into the depths of the sea, only to be saved by Rafayel, a mysterious merman.
♡︎ pairing: merman!Rafayel x fem!reader
♡︎ part 2 ♡︎
⭒˗ˏˋ𓆩 ⚠ 𓆪ˎˊ˗⭒MINORS DNI (18+ ONLY)⭒˗ˏˋ𓆩 ⚠ 𓆪ˎˊ˗⭒
♡︎ cw: depictions of (almost) drowning, mermaid au , semi-public seggs, oral (f!receiving)
♡︎ word count: 6.2k
♡︎ a/n: the second story for kinktober 2024. the beginning was very fun to write for someone with thalassophobia 🙂
♡︎ Thank you to my dearest friend and my beta reader ♡︎@its-de♡︎ for helping.
divider by @cafekitsune
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Tonight is like any other night - where you sit on a wooden bench by the cliffside and read an old book. The sky is dark as ink, the stars distant and blinking slowly. The moon hangs low and casts a silvery light, illuminating the worn pages of your book. The sea is far below, its waves like whispers, soothing your thoughts as you read. Each wave crashes against the cliff’s base in a rhythmic hum. This place seems cold and unwelcome, but it’s yours. You’ve always come here, seeking solitude that only the night can offer. The dark doesn’t frighten you—it embraces you like an old friend. You feel safe here.
But then, it happens.
A sound, soft at first, like a breath carried on the wind, slips through the night. As it drifts closer, it wraps itself around your mind, around your soul. It’s a melody unlike anything you’ve ever heard—haunting, hypnotic, and achingly beautiful. It calls to something deep inside of you, and before you even realize what you’re doing, you’re standing, the book forgotten, your feet moving on their own.
The song grows stronger, tugging at you, pulling you toward the cliff's edge. You don’t resist. You can’t. The sea below crashing, dark and deep, but it no longer feels distant or dangerous. It feels inviting. The melody grows stronger, filling the air with its melancholic beauty. It’s not the sweetness of the song that unnerves you, but the way it seeps into your bones, like the sea pulling at the shore. You take another step, the rocks beneath your feet slick and uneven, but none of it matters now. Only the song matters.
And then—you fall.
The world tilts, and the sky spins above you as you plummet toward the water. Panic grips your chest, your heart racing as you crash into the icy depths. The cold is shocking, like needles through your lungs, and the once inviting sea now feels like it has you in its grasp, pulling you under. You thrash, desperate, your limbs sluggish as the water envelops your whole being. You open your mouth to scream, but no sound escapes—only bubbles rising to the surface.
You can’t believe this is happening. You’re going to drown.
Terror floods your veins as you sink deeper, your lungs burning, the black water pressing in from all sides. The song, the beautiful, irresistible song, has led you to this cold, watery grave.
You’re sinking into the deep. How could you let this happen to you?
But then, through the suffocating darkness, you see him.
A figure, a shadow, moving swiftly through the water. His form isn’t human, but sleek and graceful. His movements are too fluid, too fast. You blink, your vision fading as the last of your air escapes in a stream of bubbles.
For a brief moment, you think he’ll leave you to this terrible fate. But then, his hands, cool and firm, wrap around your waist, pulling you upward with a strength that feels effortless. His touch is strangely gentle as he propels you toward the surface, through the crushing weight of the sea.
You break through the surface with a gasp, sucking in air as your body shakes, your limbs still heavy and numb from the cold. His grip remains on you, guiding you through the water as he swims toward the shore. He brings you to a sheltered cove hidden from the world. Here, the water is calm, the sea’s roar softened to a murmur. He releases you gently onto the shore, your body trembling, your mind reeling from what just happened.
You lie there for a moment, catching your breath, your heart pounding in your chest. When you finally lift your head, you see him.
You can’t believe it. You sit in the sand, your breath ragged, lungs burning from the saltwater you swallowed, but your eyes—your eyes are locked on him. A figure not human, not entirely, but something out of stories you were told as a child. Stories you never believed. Myths, you always thought.
A merman.
The word seems impossible, heavy and foreign in your mind, yet he is there before you, dripping with seawater, his form half in the waves, half on the shore. His dusky purple hair clings to his forehead, eyes the color of shifting sunsets—blue fading into pink, hypnotic and unreal. His pale blue tail glistens under the moonlight, every shimmering scale catching the silver glow, moving with a grace that seems almost too smooth.
Are you hallucinating? You struggle to grasp at the fact what you're seeing is true. Mermaids were the stuff of stories, tales sailors told after too much drink, legends spun to explain away the strange sea. But now, here he is. A merman. He saved you.
You feel the weight of that thought settle in your chest—he saved you. Pulled you from the dark, icy depths. His hands had been firm around your waist, his strength undeniable as he swam you to safety, your body limp and helpless in his grip. The memory of it sends a shiver through you, a mixture of fear and awe. And now he is watching you with those strange, unreadable eyes. Your heart beats faster, not out of fear but something deeper—curiosity, wonder, gratitude. You don’t know how to feel.
“Thank you,” you manage to say, your voice hoarse and trembling.
He doesn’t respond, his gaze flickering as if trying to understand your words. He’s silent, but there’s something in his eyes—something that isn’t cold, something that isn’t indifferent. He’s saved you, and yet, you can see the hesitation and caution. His lips part, as if he wants to say something, but no words come. He seems frustrated, as though language is a barrier neither of you can cross.
Still, there’s a connection between you—fragile but real. You stand up and take a small step toward him, your eyes meeting his. He stares at you, taking in your wet form, the way your clothes cling to your body. There’s a flicker of something in his expression—something that looks almost like curiosity. But then, as quickly as it appeared, it’s gone.
As he slips back into the water, his eyes linger on you one last time, and without a word, he disappears beneath the surface. You realize then, with a strange certainty, that you’ll see him again. He may not have meant for you to be drawn into his world, but now, neither of you can escape it. You’ve crossed a threshold, and there’s no going back.
Tomorrow, you’ll return. You both will.
𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𓇼 ࣪ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⋆。𖦹 °. 𓇼
You arrive at the cove just as the sun begins to set, the sky turning into shades of amber and rose. What happened last night feels surreal. But the ache in your muscles tells you it was very much real. In your hand, you clutch a small gold bracelet. It’s a token, a simple gesture, but it feels like the least you can offer him for saving your life. You hope he’ll accept it.
You sit by the shore, the same place where he left you, eyes scanning the horizon. You don’t know how long you’ll wait, but something tells you he’ll come. And you don’t wait long.
The water stirs, a ripple moving across the surface. Your breath catches in your throat as you see him. He emerges from the depths with that same graceful ease, his scales glistening in the fading sunset. His eyes find yours, and for a moment, neither of you speak. You simply stare, caught in the same strange tension from the night before. He stays just out of reach, half-submerged in the shallow waters of the cove, watching you.
You shift towards him slowly, trying not to startle him this time. You hold up the bracelet. “For you.” your voice hesitant. You know he doesn’t understand the words, but maybe he’ll understand the gesture.
His gaze flickers to the bracelet, and slowly, cautiously, he moves closer. He raises one hand from the sea, fingers delicate, reaching toward the gift. His gaze never leaves yours as his fingers brush against the gold. You clasp it around his wrist gently, and a breath you’ve been holding leaves your lips. He stares at it for a moment, watching the way it catches the light. Then, he looks at you, his expression unreadable, but his guard... lowered. He doesn’t speak, but there’s a softness in his gaze now.
You smile, gesturing to yourself. “I’m...” You say your name slow and clear, hoping he’ll understand. You point again, repeating, “My name is...”
He watches you, brow furrowing in concentration. He lifts a hand, mimicking your gesture, pointing to himself. “Rafayel,” he says, and your heart skips a beat at the sound of his silky voice.
A smile tugs at your lips. You repeat his name, savoring the sound of it. It’s a small step, but it feels like a bridge between your worlds.
For the next few minutes, you try to teach him more. Simple words. “Water.” You gesture to the sea. “Sky.” You point to the sky. Each time, he watches you closely, though his lips struggle to form the words. He repeats after you, hesitant at first, but with growing confidence. It’s slow, but it’s something. You laugh softly when he stumbles over a word, and his lips twitch, just the slightest hint of amusement in return.
The moon starts to rise. You sit by the shore while Rafayel rests in the shallow water, his body half-submerged. The quiet between you feels comfortable now, no longer heavy with uncertainty. He watches you with a mix of curiosity and caution, his guard still there, but not as rigid.
𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𓇼 ࣪ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⋆。𖦹 °. 𓇼
You bring a book the next night, an old fairytale, the kind with simple words and enchanting stories. He’s there again and you sit together by the water, turning the pages. You point at the pictures, saying the words slowly, and he listens, repeating the ones he can manage. Each night, you bring another, reading to him in the soft glow of the moon. His words are broken, but he tries. He watches your lips when you speak, mimicking the movements, and each night, you get a little closer to understanding each other.
And as the days pass, something else shifts between you. His wariness fades, replaced by a playful curiosity. He teases you with small splashes of water, grinning at your surprised reactions. His hands linger when he helps you stand up, his touch growing bolder, more confident. You catch him staring sometimes, his eyes roaming your face, your body, with an intensity that sends warmth rushing through you.
You talk more now, not just with words but with gestures, shared looks, and smiles. He asks questions, his voice thick with the unfamiliar human language, but eager to learn. You tell him about your world, your life, and he listens, even if he doesn’t understand it all. And when he speaks of his world, you try to piece together the meaning from the few words he knows, from the way his hands move as if painting a picture.
And each night, as you leave the cove, there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to go. There’s a part of him, too, that lingers in the water, watching you with a look that makes you think he feels the same.
The gold bracelet still gleams on his wrist, a reminder of the night he saved your life.
𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𓇼 ࣪ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⋆。𖦹 °. 𓇼
Rafayel has always been wary of humans, but with you, he finds himself wanting to know more. There’s a softness in your eyes that eases him, a vulnerability that makes him open up, bit by bit. Each time you smile at him, something stirs in his chest, he can’t quite explain it. It’s different from anything he’s ever known. You’re not like the humans he’s been taught to avoid; there’s no malice, no threat in your presence.
Your beauty, though undeniable, isn’t what captivates him the most. It’s the way you see him. He is not a creature from the deep, something to be feared, but something - someone you want to know. And it confuses him—this growing need to be closer to you, to understand you, to touch you. He’s never felt this way before, and it scares him. But he can’t stay away. The more time he spends with you, the more he begins to desire your presence, the way you make him feel more alive.
The comfort of the cove has become a sanctuary for Rafayel and you. But tonight, something lingers in the air. You’ve been thinking about that first night—about the song that led you to the edge of the cliff. You turn to him, your voice soft but curious “That night, the song... were you the one singing it?”
Rafayel’s gaze hardens at the question, his eyes showing a mix of emotions. He doesn’t answer right away, and for a moment, you worry that you’ve overstepped. But then, his head dips, as if looking for the right words. He takes a breath, his voice low. “Song... not for you.” His eyes meet yours, and there’s something darker there now, something painful. “For sailors, bad men. Hurt... my kind.”
You feel the weight of his words. You’ve heard stories of sailors plundering the depths, but seeing the pain in Rafayel’s eyes—it feels real now. His hand reaches for yours. He explains, his voice thick with emotions he struggles to contain. “Revenge, for my kind. They come, take… kill. They don’t care. ”His fingers tighten slightly around yours, as if bracing himself for what he’s about to say next. “I... stop them. I sing, they follow.”
You realize then what his song was meant to do. It was a lure for the sailors, to drag them beneath the waves. The weight of that presses down on you, and yet, there’s no fear. Only sadness for the pain he’s carried. You swallow, trying to find the right words. “But... I wasn’t meant to hear it.”
He shakes his head, his grip on your hand softening, his voice quieter now. “No. You... not like them. You hear, but...” His brow furrows. “I... not want to hurt you.” The vulnerability in his voice catches you off guard. This creature, so powerful and full of vengeance, pulled you from the depths when he could have just let you drown.
You look at him. “I’m sorry.” you say softly, though you know it’s not enough. “I’m sorry for what they did to you. I didn’t know.”
His eyes soften, the darkness in them fading as he looks at you. “You... don’t need to know,” he murmurs. “You are... different.”
You squeeze his hand gently, offering what comfort you can. “I’m glad you didn’t let me drown.” you say, a soft smile tugging at the corners of your lips.
Rafayel smiles back and you see a glimmer of warmth in his eyes. “Me too.” he says quietly, his thumb brushing against the back of your hand.
𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𓇼 ࣪ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⋆。𖦹 °. 𓇼
The nights spent by the cove have become a routine. You sit with a fairytale book in your lap, your fingers tracing over the worn pages as you read aloud. Rafayel lies on his stomach, his body still, but his gaze is not. He watches you, ombre eyes tracing every movement of your lips, every flutter of lashes as you speak. You glance up from the book, catching the intensity of his stare. A playful smile tugs at your lips, and you pause mid-sentence. "What are you looking at?" you tease.
Rafayel’s brows furrow in concentration. He still struggles to find the words, but he gestures to his own face, then to yours. "You... beautiful."
The words catch you off guard, a blush peppering your cheeks. You are taken aback by his honesty. He says it so simply, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Your heart skips a beat, but you brush it off with a soft laugh. “Thank you.”
He tilts his head with confusion in his eyes, as though he doesn’t understand why you would laugh. You shake your head, reaching out to rest your hand on his arm, feeling his cool skin. His body reacts instantly to your touch, a shiver running through him, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, his hand comes to rest over yours.
Each evening, the distance between slowly fades. Touches become more frequent, more intentional. A hand resting on his arm, fingers tracing his jaw, the way his tail brushes lightly against your leg as he moves closer.
One night, Rafayel’s curiosity takes a new turn. You’re sitting on the sand, the fabric of your flowy dress bunched up around your legs. His gaze lingers on the material that shifts with the breeze. He tilts his head, lips in a small pout. Then he reaches out, pointing at your legs, gesturing to the flowing fabric. “Why... clothes?” he asks.
You laugh softly. “Humans wear different clothing depending on the weather, or their style. And we wear shoes to protect our feet.”
At the mention of shoes, his eyes drop to your bare feet. He looks back at you, his lips parting as if to ask something, but hesitates.
"Do you want to touch them?" you ask.
His face lights up with a mix of curiosity and caution. He nods. You stretch your leg out toward him, offering your foot, and he reaches for it, his fingers brushing lightly over the arch. You smile, watching his face as he studies your foot with such focus that makes you chuckle. But then, his fingers accidentally graze a ticklish spot making you pull away from his grasp and laugh as a reflex.
He jerks his hand back, eyes wide with concern, but you shake your head quickly, still laughing. “It’s okay! You just tickled me.”
His expression softens into a playful one, and he does it again, deliberately this time. He watches as your body reacts, your foot flinching away from his mischievous hands, your laughter bubbling up again. You can see the spark in his eyes, the way his lips curl into that rare smile you’re starting to see more often.
Now your eyes trace pale blue tail that glimmers in the water. You can’t stop yourself from staring. You’ve wanted to touch it from the very first moment you saw him.
You take a deep breath. “Can I... touch your tail? It’s okay if you don’t wa - .”
He chuckles at your stammering and nods, easing your anxiety.  He takes your hand in his, and lowers it onto his tail, around where knees would be. Your lips part in awe, feeling the cool, sleek texture of his scales beneath your fingertips. It’s smooth, almost silky.
You look up at him. “Your tail... it’s incredible.”
Rafayel’s lips twitch into a small smile, pleased by your fascination. He shifts his body, fully focusing on your legs again. His eyes travel up, towards the space between your thighs. He glances at your face, then back, as though trying to make sense of something. Slowly, he leans in, his head tilting as he peers under the hem of your dress, his curiosity as innocent as it is bold.
A flush of heat rises to your cheeks, scooting back and pressing your thighs together. "Uh, Rafayel..." you murmur, your voice catching.
He looks up at you, confused. You can tell he doesn’t fully understand what he’s done to make you flustered, but he’s aware of the shift in your energy. “What... there?” he asks, his voice uncertain, his hand motioning toward your dress.
You bite your lip, the blush deepening. There’s no hidden intent in his question—just pure curiosity, the same way he’d ask about the books or the language you’re teaching him. You take a shaky breath. “It’s... private,” you say, choosing your words carefully. “Humans have parts that are personal, and we usually keep them covered, especially around others.”
He nods slowly. His eyes go to your dress for just a moment before they return to yours. “Private,” he repeats, the word unfamiliar on his tongue, but he seems to grasp the meaning of it. You can see the restraint in him now, the way he pulls back slightly, giving you space.
In the quiet that follows, you smile at him, reaching out to touch his face lightly, your fingers brushing over his soft skin. “You’re learning quickly,” you say softly, and he leans into your touch, his eyes closing for just a moment.  But now you have a question. Your heart races as you summon the courage to speak. "Rafayel..." you begin, your voice barely above a whisper. You swallow hard, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. "Where... where are your private parts?"
The words hang awkwardly between you, and you immediately regret it. Your body tenses as you brace for his reaction. Instead of laughing or brushing off the question, Rafayel’s expression softens with understanding. He lies on his back, glancing down at his sleek, muscled form. There’s a pause as he considers how to respond, his lips curving in a soft smile.
"They're hidden," he says quietly, pointing to the area right below his pelvis. "Beneath, for… when we need them."
You find yourself staring at the spot where he’s pointing. You bite your lip, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. His gaze is already on you, soft and unassuming, as if waiting for you to speak.
"So… how does it work?" you ask hesitantly.
Rafayel tilts his head, his brow furrowing slightly as he processes your words. "Work?" he repeats. He looks down at his tail, then back up at you. "You… want to know?"
The heat rises to your cheeks, and you glance away, your fingers fidgeting with the hem of your dress. "I—I guess, yeah," you stammer. "I mean, you asked me, and I…" You trail off, embarrassed.
Rafayel’s lips quirk into a small, knowing smile, and his eyes soften at the sight of your flushed cheeks. Slowly, he speaks again. "I can… show?"
Your breath catches in your throat. The idea of him revealing that intimate part of himself makes your heart race. But before you can respond, Rafayel adds "If… I see yours too?"
Your hands tighten on the fabric of your dress, your mind racing. There's an openness in the way he asks, a genuine desire to understand you better. "You want to see mine?" you ask, your voice trembling just a little. Rafayel nods, his eyes flicking downward for just a second before meeting yours again. “Yes. You… show me. I… show you."
The tension hangs heavy between you, and for a moment, you both just sit there. You consider his words and finally, you nod. "Okay."
Rafayel hesitates for a moment, his eyes searching yours for permission one more time. With a slow nod from you, he shifts, moving just enough to give you a better view. The area he pointed at begins to part slightly, the scales pulling aside to show what is hidden. Your eyes widen as you catch the first glimpse of what lies underneath. The sight is mesmerizing, a beautiful hybrid of human and something entirely otherworldly. His member, long and thick, tapers slightly toward the tip. The texture is smooth with faint ridges along its surface. Your breath hitches as you notice how his arousal throbs gently, merging seamlessly with his aquatic form.
Rafayel watches you, how fascinated you are by this part of him. His lips quirk into a teasing smile, but a faint blush colors his cheeks. He’s aware of the tension of this moment, but there’s a playful, mischievous glint in his eyes as he tilts his head.
"You… stare long time," he teases, "You… like?"
Your breath catches as you meet Rafayel’s gaze, embarrassed for staring for so long. "Maybe," you admit with a shy smile.
Rafayel’s smile widens, his blush deepening. He glances down at himself, starting to feel bashful under your gaze, before his eyes return to yours. He shifts slightly, his hand moving to caress your cheek. His eyes move downward, toward the thin piece of clothing, then back to your face. You know it’s your turn.
The realization makes your palms clammy. Rafayel’s gaze never leaves yours, patient but full of expectation. And you want to match his vulnerability, to let him see you in the same way you’ve seen him. With a trembling hand, you reach under your dress, tugging down the bottom part of your swimsuit, his eyes following your every movement. Discarding the piece of clothing to the side, you lean back on your hands, spreading your legs.
Rafayel’s eyes widen as he stares at your exposed form, lingering on the soft skin between your thighs, on the slickness already gathering there. He looks mesmerized, his gaze flicking between your face and your body, as if he can’t decide where to focus.
"Can… I touch?" he asks, his fingers twitching with anticipation.
You nod, your heart racing. Slowly, his fingers brush against your inner thigh, cool and soft at first. His fingertips graze your entrance, and you let out a small gasp as a jolt of pleasure courses through you.
He pauses, glancing up at you with concern. “Hurt?”
You shake your head quickly, breathless. "No, no… that feels good," you assure him, your voice a little shaky. "But… if you keep touching me like that, I’ll get more… aroused." The honest answer makes your face flush even more.
Rafayel seems both intrigued and flustered by your response. Rafayel watches you closely, his fingers still resting gently against your slick entrance. He looks down, his breath catching as he feels the wetness coating his fingers. You can see his chest rising and falling as if he's trying to keep control of himself.
He glances back up at you. "Can I… touch more?"
The question takes you by surprise. This isn’t just curiosity or playful exploration anymore—this is crossing into something more intimate. You look at him, your breath catching in your throat. There’s a need that’s been growing inside him for so long—one he’s kept carefully in check, unsure if he could ask, unsure if this moment would ever come.
You feel a rush of warmth flood through you at the realization, and with a soft, shaky breath, you nod, guiding his hand a little higher. "Touch me… here," you whisper, your voice barely audible as you place his fingers on the sensitive nub just above your entrance. "This is… very sensitive. If you touch it the right way, it’ll feel incredible."
Rafayel’s breath hitches as his fingers move under your guidance. His touch is light at first, but as he watches your reaction—how your body tenses with pleasure—he grows bolder, circling the sensitive spot with slow, deliberate movements.
The sensations are overwhelming, sending waves of pleasure crashing through you with every stroke of his fingers. Your hips instinctively move, seeking more of his touch, and you can’t help the soft moans that escape your lips. Rafayel’s eyes are locked on you now, his breath coming faster, his arousal clear in the way his body tenses.
"Yes," you gasp, your hands gripping the fabric of your dress as you struggle to hold back the rising tide of pleasure. "Just like that…"
Your body is trembling now, shaky gasps leaving your lips, each stroke pulling you closer to the edge. He watches you intently, eyes wide with fascination. He’s studying every reaction, every sound you make. Your fingers dig into the sand, gripping tightly as the pressure builds inside you, a tight coil ready to snap. His touch is gentle but insistent, the perfect rhythm against your most sensitive spot, and it doesn’t take long before you feel that wave approaching. Your hips buck against his hand, and the pleasure becomes too much, too overwhelming to resist.
“Rafayel -” you moan, your voice shaky. Everything seems to blur as the intense pleasure crashes over you in waves, your thighs trembling, your back arching helplessly as you come. Rafayel watches in awe, mesmerized by the way your body reacts to his touch, his hand still gently moving over your clit, prolonging your release as you ride out every last wave of pleasure. Your chest heaves, breathless, the sensation so intense you can barely focus, your body still twitching from the aftershocks. But as the pleasure subsides, his curiosity hasn’t. His fingers, still slick from your release, hover near your entrance, and he glances up at you. His fingers brush against your wetness, lingering just on the edge.
“What… if I…” he trails off.
You’re still catching your breath, your body sensitive, but you manage a nod, giving him permission. He moves slowly, his fingers slipping inside you, cautiously exploring. His finger slides into you easily, your entrance wet from your orgasm, and you let out a soft gasp as he pushes deeper. When he adds a second finger, stretching you just a little more, a shiver runs down your spine, the fullness making you moan softly. His eyes flick up to yours again, watching your face for any sign of discomfort, but all he finds is more of that same pleasure, your hips gently rocking against his hand, guiding him.
And then, as he curls his fingers inside you, searching, he finds it—the spongy spot deep within that makes your body jolt with pleasure. You react immediately, a gasp escaping your lips as he presses against it.
“There,” you gasp, your voice breathless and needy. “Right there…”
Rafayel’s eyes light up, his fingers moving with more confidence now, curling and stroking that sensitive spot inside you. The pleasure is overwhelming, a different kind of ecstasy that makes you arch into his touch, your walls tightening around his fingers. Each movement makes your moans grow louder, more desperate.
Without warning, he leans down, his mouth hovering just above your clit. Then he presses his lips to the sensitive nub. The shock of his warm mouth against you makes you cry out, your hips jerking against him as the pleasure intensifies tenfold. His tongue flicks out, tasting you, and when he hears your moan, he repeats the motion. Your hands instinctively tangle in his hair, guiding him as his tongue moves over your clit, licking and sucking in perfect rhythm with the motion of his fingers inside you. The combination is almost too much, the sensations making you dizzy, your body on the verge of losing control.
Rafayel seems affected by your reactions, his own breathing heavy now, his face flushed. He’s learning fast, his fingers curling just right inside you, hitting that sensitive spot over and over, while his mouth works your clit with growing skill. Your hips move desperately against him, seeking more of the pleasure he’s giving you, unable to stop yourself.
And then, you feel it—the tight coil inside you, about to snap again, but this time it’s different. The pleasure so intense it’s almost unbearable. You can feel your muscles clenching around his fingers, wet sounds filling the air as your body responds to him.
“I can’t… I’m going to…” you gasp, but before you can finish, your orgasm crashes over you, more powerful than anything you’ve ever felt before, your body convulsing, your hips bucking wildly against his hand and mouth. A sudden gush of wetness escapes you, your release splashing against his fingers, your muscles spasm with the force of it.
Rafayel freezes for a moment, startled by the intensity of your release, but he doesn’t pull away. His fingers stay inside you, his mouth still working your clit as you ride out the most intense orgasm of your life.
As your release finally subsides, you collapse back against the sand, panting and spent, your body still tingling. Rafayel pulls back, his fingers slipping from your entrance, wet with your release. He looks up at you, awe and a hint of pride in his eyes, as if he can hardly believe what he’s just made you feel.
When you catch the sight of Rafayel’s face, glistening with the remnants of your release, a shy smile tugs at your lips. You reach out, brushing your thumb gently across his cheek, wiping away the wetness. Both of you share a soft, breathy chuckle. Rafayel, his gaze lingering on your lips, leans down slowly. His breath fans across your skin, and then, with a soft press, his lips meet yours. It’s gentle at first, but the moment your lips connect, something shifts. The kiss deepens, grows more urgent, as though all the pent-up desire comes to the surface.
Your hands tangle in his hair, pulling him closer, needing more of him. His lips move against yours, his tongue teasing yours, and you feel the weight of his body pressing against you. His tail shifts in the sand, positioning himself between your legs, his hardened member brushing against your thigh. The contact makes you moan into the kiss, and you both know where this is headed. It feels natural, like this is where you were always meant to end up, like the bond between you has been building toward this moment. Rafayel’s gaze locks onto yours, checking for any sign of hesitation. But all you offer him is a small nod, your body aching to feel him inside you.
He begins to push forward, slow and careful, the head of his throbbing member pressing against your wetness. You can feel the stretch as he starts to ease into you, your body accommodating his size. The sensation is intense, your walls fluttering around him as he gradually sinks deeper. His eyes never leave yours, his brow furrowed in concentration, his mouth slightly parted.
“You… okay?” he asks softly, his voice strained with the effort of holding back.
“Yes,” you gasp, your body trembling. “Don’t stop.”
Encouraged, Rafayel moves deeper. Rolling his hips, each thrust pushes him further, until he’s fully within you, his body pressed flush against yours. He stills for a moment, savoring the warmth of your body wrapped around him. His hand moves down to where your bodies are joined, his thumb finding your clit, pressing against it in slow circles. You moan, your hips instinctively bucking against his, the stimulation pushing you closer and closer to the edge again.
Every thrust brings him deeper, hitting that sweet spot inside you, and you can’t hold back any longer. Your orgasm crashes over you, more powerful than the last. Your walls clench tightly around him, drawing him deeper, and you cry out his name. Your entire body shudders with the force of your release. The feeling of you pulsing around him pushes Rafayel over the edge. His thrusts become erratic, his breath ragged. With a deep groan, he buries himself inside you, his body shaking as his own orgasm overtakes him.
As the last hints of pleasure fade from your bodies, the night air settles around you, cool and soothing against your flushed skin. Rafayel’s body remains pressed against yours, his chest rising and falling in rhythm with your own as he holds you close. Your legs are still tangled with his tail, the beautiful texture of his scales brushing against your thighs, grounding you in this moment.
Rafayel presses a tender kiss to your temple. His lips trail down to your cheek, then to the corner of your mouth, and you turn your head, meeting him in a soft, languid kiss. Neither of you speaks for a long moment, simply resting in the aftermath. Rafayel shifts slightly, easing out of you carefully, and you can’t help but shiver at the loss of connection. He watches your face for any sign of discomfort, but all you offer him is a lazy smile.
A faint blush lingers on his cheeks, and his lips curve into a small, sheepish smile. "You not hurt?"
You laugh softly, shaking your head. "No," you reply, your voice gentle. "Not at all. That was… wonderful."
He exhales in relief and chuckles softly. "Good."
You move to rest your head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. He wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer, as if he can’t bear to let go just yet.
Then, after a few moments, you both start to chuckle, the sound light and easy. "I… didn’t think this would happen," you admit with a smile. "Not like this. Not tonight."
Rafayel hums in agreement. "You… so different. So... human," he adds with a playful smirk, but his tone softens. "And yet…"
You smile, lifting your head slightly to meet his gaze, finishing for him. "And yet, it feels right." Rafayel’s lips curve into a slow, gentle smile, and he leans down, his breath warm against your skin as he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. "Yes," he whispers. "It… feels right."
For a long time, you simply lie there together, wrapped in each other’s arms, your bodies warm and comfortable against the cool night air. Rafayel’s fingers continue to caress your skin, his touch tender and slow.
"Stay close," he whispers after a while, his voice barely audible, as if he’s speaking to himself, as if the thought of distance—any distance—is unbearable. His arms tighten around you, his embrace full of warmth and need.
You smile against his chest, nuzzling closer. "I’m not going anywhere," you murmur back. And you mean it. Whatever comes next, you’ll face it together.
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