#that seemed to work for them and i remember they mentioned having adhd

[aloonaram]

Okay so this account is just going to be my think tank for my jayvik x harry potter fic for a while.

When jayvik first pop into existence in the hp universe, i want them to be naked and have nothing on them. No braces, no crutches, maybe the only thing reminiscent of their original universe are matching scars from the rune—the hexcore webbing etched into jayces arm and then into viktors hand. I also def want both of them to still be disabled, its just so integral to their characters it would be a disservice to not have that. And bc of that, i think it would be really interesting to think about how they GOT to hogwarts in the first place, theres a prob a lot of uncomfortable shifting and working together to walk at a semi decent pace to this “mysterious” castle in the distance.

Also want to clarify i would set the beginning portion during the summer when theres no students LMFAO

I think the first chapter would also be written in mcgonagall’s pov too. I like the idea of exploring jayvik, at least in the first chapter, through a new set of eyes. She won’t have the same prejudices and contexts like the people in runeterra to judge them by. To her knowledge these are just two…strangely naked men at hogwarts doorstep. LMAO

I also need to figure out if i want this to be a oneshot or something longer. Bc i could work with a oneshot but the concept im already starting to build is definitely giving longer, complex story. Idk i gotta figure this out.

[iluvbuckets]

wild thoughts

paige bueckers x fem!reader

summary: paige had always just been your brother's best friend. your little brother's annoying best friend. on a typical summer trip to your family's cabin, you start to realize maybe paige isn't so little and annoying anymore.

warnings: lots of plot!, hella teasing, a little body worshipping, overstimulation, oral + fingering, thigh grinding, paige comes in her pants, switch!paige but bottom!paige would also be accurate, praise of course

word count: 9.3k

notes: this was NAWT supposed to be this long but i got carried away lowkey. i'm considering writing a part 2 for this bc i love this dynamic

song: wild thoughts by dj khaled, ft rihanna and bryson tiller ❝when i'm with you all i get is wild thoughts❞

read part 2!

✷✷✷

it was always funny when someone at your college found out that paige bueckers follows you on social media–the paige bueckers, star of uconn women’s basketball. 

because to you, she was just paige, your little brother, elijah’s, best friend who was over at your house so often you had to wonder if she had her own. she yells at the television at three in the morning over video games, paces around your house over basketball games, and eats your snacks out of the cupboard. she had been around so long that she is practically your parents’ third child, and they never let you forget it. there were pictures of paige hung around the house like they birthed her, not just pictures of her and your brother either–her high school basketball pictures, her senior pictures, pictures taken at her tournaments, you name it. not only that, but your grandparents would ask your parents about her like she was a grandchild. she was always invited to family holiday celebrations and family vacations, and while she rarely came to the holiday celebrations in favor of her own family, she never missed a vacation.

you never had a problem with it per se, but she was just your brother’s friend, so she was annoying by default. your brother was annoying, therefore she was too. which, honestly, she was. she was loud, spontaneous, and maybe even exhibited some warning signs of ADHD, and did you mention she would eat your snacks out of the cupboard?

you remember the day elijah met paige, because you definitely did not want to be there. you were seven and he was five, and it was his first ever practice for basketball (well, actually for any sport). it was a small, co-ed recreation league, so they advised parents to stick around during the hour-long practice just in case. even though you had made a compelling argument that you were obviously very mature and old enough to be left alone, your parents forced you to tag along with them. 

practice was running smoothly, elijah looked like a natural, until about thirty minutes in when he bumped right into paige, sending her to the floor. now typically, you would probably expect a little five-year-old girl to sit and cry on the floor after being hit like that, but not paige. she got right back up and shoved him as hard as she could onto the ground. clearly not expecting that reaction, the coach quickly grabbed paige to hold her back like it was a genuine fight (which maybe it was to her–she had definitely looked pissed). after a quick time-out, they forced paige to apologize to elijah, which she was clearly reluctant to do, but she did so she could be put back into the game. they hugged it out and have been practically inseparable ever since. 

your parents loved to tell that cute story to anyone who would listen.

when it was time for them to go to kindergarten, your parents and paige’s parents made sure they were in the same class. they constantly got in trouble for talking without permission, going off topic, and playing pranks in the classroom. they would get disciplined, but it never seemed to work because it continued all through elementary school. 

as all of you grew up, you didn’t hang out with your brother and paige that much. you were a whole two years older with your own activities, own friends, and own hobbies which didn’t really align with what they were interested in. 

there was one day when paige was in fifth grade and you were in seventh grade, when you heard a knock at your door. you were sitting on your bed reading a book, though it was a homework assignment for class so you would’ve rather been doing anything else. you expected it to be your dad since he always knocked now that you were thirteen, but after you shouted come in!, you saw an eleven-year-old paige bueckers standing there. she was wearing a t-shirt from her basketball league, a pair of black basketball shorts, nike elite socks, and her hair was in a pink nike tie headband with a ponytail. she looked nervous, like she didn’t know how to talk to you even though you had known her for six years at this point–like she hadn’t slept at your house literally last night. 

“some of the girls at school were making fun of me,” she said, playing with her fingers and not making eye contact. 

you immediately closed your book so you could set it to the side, patting the spot in front of you as a gesture for her to sit down. she did it hesitantly, still not looking up at you. 

“why?” you asked, like you were baffled that someone would do that. which you were. paige had always been sweet and kind to anyone she talked to, and never had a problem with anyone. if she did, it was probably basketball-related, and she would talk it out with them right after she got off the court. 

“they were saying i act and dress too much like a boy so i couldn’t sit with them,” she replied quietly.

you sighed. “don’t listen to them, paige. kids can be mean. there’s nothing wrong with how you dress.” 

“but i do dress like a boy,” she said, finally making eye contact.

“what does that even mean?” you ask rhetorically. “you got those clothes from the girls’ section, right? so how are you not dressed like a girl?” 

“they all wear skirts and dresses,” she said like it was obvious. you knew it was true, but it wasn’t weird to dress like a tomboy. you had a tomboy phase growing up, but since you joined dance, you started being more girly. 

“so what? that doesn’t mean anything. i don’t like wearing dresses either,” you laugh. 

“yeah but–” she starts, pausing like she doesn’t know how to ask the question that’s sitting on the tip of her tongue. “how do i be more of a girl like you?” 

your face contorts into a sad expression at the question, not really expecting it at all. “paige, you don’t need to change how you dress to please some girls at school.” like a lightbulb went off in your head, you had an idea to offer a solution without changing herself too much. “have you ever painted your nails?”

the answer to the question had been no, which you were expecting, so you did. you painted her fingernails a pink color to match her headband and hopefully help her feel a little more feminine. you wish she didn’t feel the need to change herself because of a couple of mean words, but growing up outside of the norm was hard so maybe it would make it slightly easier.

after that, paige slowly seemed to start talking to you more. she would invite you to hang out with her and elijah and she would ask if you were coming to their games. you often declined as you had your own practices, games, homework, and friends to hang out with. you had started playing school-sanctioned sports so your schedule was busy. you had decided to play volleyball and run track, and paige would often accompany your brother and parents to your games and meets. 

following a particularly successful eighth grade volleyball season, you had decided to quit dance to focus on volleyball in high school. in seventh grade volleyball, the plays and positions had been very basic to get you used to it, but eighth grade was a whole new game. you weren���t particularly tall standing at 5’7, you weren’t short but definitely not as tall as most players. your coach tried you as the libero, and you fell in love with it. while this meant you were spending more time in the gym than you did before, it also meant that you had more free time to hang out with and support your friends in their own activities now that you weren’t going straight from the gym to the studio. 

you attended every junior varsity and varsity basketball game of the season in ninth grade, which also meant you attended all of paige’s games. though she was only in seventh grade, her skill level had caught the coach’s attention, and she was playing with the junior varsity squad. 

even though she was your little brother’s annoying friend, you had a sense of pride watching her play up two grades like that. the little girl who had grown up with you was turning into an unstoppable powerhouse. you shouted her name the loudest (well maybe her dad and her little brother, drew, shouted louder) when she would make her shots, and you would shout at the refs when you thought they made a bad call on her. 

one particular home game, you were standing in the hallway talking to a couple of your friends during halftime, eating some popcorn near the concession stand. you couldn’t help but overhear a comment from a couple guys who were standing near you from the other school. one of them was talking about paige. saying she’s overrated and other mean things that you didn’t want to repeat. your friends had told you to let it go because they were just jealous, but you couldn’t. you spun on your heel, approaching them with a rage you had never felt in your life. before they could even greet you, your fist connected with the nose of the guy who had been talking about her. the guy didn’t fight back, but you were walking away before he even could anyway. luckily, no one saw and you didn’t get in trouble because the guy was too embarrassed to admit that it was a fourteen-year-old girl who did it. 

when you got home and your parents noticed your bruised, swollen knuckles, they obviously questioned you. you lied at first, saying it was an accident and they just let it go, knowing you wouldn’t tell the truth. about ten minutes later, your brother came into your room to ask what happened. obviously, you told him the truth. he was so impressed, but you made him swear he wouldn’t tell your parents.

the next day at school, rumors flew about how you clocked a guy in the face. there were various reasons for why and you didn’t bother to clear them up, but paige knew the truth because your brother had told her. 

you hadn’t thought much of any of it until your dad pulled came into your room after one of her games shortly after that one. it was after the first game that paige had asked if you could get a picture after. she was nervous when asking and you immediately called your brother over assuming that’s what she meant, missing the disappointed expression on paige’s face. 

“be nice to paige, okay?” he asked. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion because you were always nice to paige and had never really been mean to her to warrant a conversation like that. “i think she has a little crush on you.”

you hadn’t really considered that to be a possibility before, but now that it was pointed out to you, you were suddenly very aware of all of paige’s actions. her gaze lingered a bit too long, she laughed at all of your jokes, and you were the first person she looked at when she told a joke to make sure you were laughing. even though it suddenly seemed obvious, you weren’t sure if she even knew herself. she had never indulged in crushes or anything and had focused all of her attention on sports thus far. though, you did find it strange that she never seemed to have a crush on any of the boys in her friend group, but you figured that was just because she knew them too well. 

you tried to keep a distance while remaining friendly to hopefully defuse that., and you hoped she didn’t notice.

by the summer before you were in eleventh grade, you had a boyfriend for an entire year. since it had been so long (high school relationship-wise), your parents allowed you to invite him to your yearly trip to your grandparents’ house, which was a cabin on the lake. of course, the invitation obviously included paige, elijah didn’t even need to invite her anymore because your grandparents did themselves.

you didn’t notice the way her jaw would clench when he would put his arm around you, bring you food, throw you in the water, or get near you at all. she tried to ignore the feeling, but she had an overwhelming sense of something when she saw it. she didn’t know what it was, but she knew she didn’t like seeing you acting like that with someone else. she didn’t say anything though, didn’t make it obvious to anyone except maybe your bother who definitely noticed. he didn’t say anything, either. she had never said anything to him about the possibility of liking girls, let alone his sister, so he chose to stay quiet and wait for her to tell him on her own time. 

it was a long two weeks for paige, but she managed to get through it without losing her mind too much. 

even though you loved that boyfriend and so did your family, shortly after the school volleyball season ended and club volleyball began, you broke things off. it wasn’t entirely mutual; he definitely didn’t want you to leave, but he understood where you were coming from. both of you were busy and were struggling to make time for each other. he was picking where he was going to college for track, and you had just signed to play volleyball for creighton.

when paige heard the news, she was ecstatic–internally, of course. 

after the two weeks spent at your grandparents’ house over the summer and how she felt about you breaking up with your boyfriend, she had come to terms with the fact that she definitely was not straight and she definitely had feelings for you. it was a tough realization for her, even though when she tried to talk to her stepmom about how she was feeling, her stepmom made it seem like the most obvious thing in the world–like everyone already knew. it was a little comforting, but it was jarring at the same time. could everyone tell that she had feelings for you? she hoped people could only tell that she liked girls, not the girl she liked. even worse, she hoped you couldn’t tell because that would be mortifying. 

she didn’t want to try anything either, knowing it wouldn’t be a good idea. you were older, more mature, and she wasn’t even sure that you saw her as anything more than a little sister or something like that. she just silently yearned, dreaming about what could happen if she told you. did you know? would you reject her?

not that it really mattered anymore, though, because for the rest of the year and through your senior year, you barely saw each other. you went to quite a few games in eleventh grade, but twelfth grade was packed with AP classes and volleyball practices. you tried to get to a basketball game when you could, but it was tough. you rarely left the gym and often times found yourself doing your homework late at night in the lounge area of it. you had something to prove in college, and you were working your ass off to get it. and paige was busy too. between playing overseas and out of state, she was rarely at school. 

she managed to make a few volleyball tournaments, you attended a few of her games, and she attended your graduation, but other than that, time was passing fast, and you rarely stopped to take it all in. you had missed the family vacation that summer too. you were scheduled for summer training, but paige managed to go even after being overseas. she had sent you a text saying she missed you with a picture attached of her and your brother on the boat, which you responded back with something about how you missed her too and that you hoped she had fun with a selfie of you and your team in the school gym.

paige was giddy the entire two weeks about it. 

your freshman year of college went as well as you could imagine. you were a starter for the team, you had bulked up in muscle, and you had a 4.0 GPA. and not only had you had a good year, but so did paige. you made sure to text her when she did something worth celebrating and she was always happy to hear from you. she did the same for you, making sure she never missed an accomplishment. 

when she committed to the university of connecticut, your parents mailed you a uconn basketball t-shirt. you sent her a picture of you wearing it with a message saying “congrats, pretty girl <3 you’re going to do great things up there! i’ll be cheering you on the whole way”. of course, you didn’t think much of it. you had always seen paige as an extension of your brother, someone that you had always just been there, but paige thought her heart was going to fly out of her chest when she saw it. she hesitated to reply, but managed to send a quick and simple thank you back after a couple of hours. months later, you sent her another text with a photo of you and your roommates watching her play at the state championship on tv.

again that summer, you had to skip the family vacation, but she did too, so she wasn’t too beat up about it like the summer before.

through your sophomore year and her senior year, life couldn’t get any better for both of you.

until covid-19 lockdown cancelled paige’s final state championship. 

she was distraught, rightfully so, at losing her chance to play in her final game for hopkins and for another chance at a championship. you sent her some apologetic texts and even a phone call because you know this meant the world to her, but it was hard to cheer her up. the future of her college career was uncertain at this point and so was yours. you had to come home from school suddenly, but luckily you didn’t have to miss any of your season.

to get away from it all, she had gone to virgina to spend time and quarantine with her friend azzi. the house was definitely quieter without her around. you thought that you would be happy to finally get to experience silence in your home, but it just felt empty instead. and your brother felt it too. one more than one occasion, he had come into your room seeking comfort about missing paige. it brought you two closer together.

as the world slowly opened back up and you were able to go to college again, you were ecstatic that this time, you would have a piece of you joining. your brother had decided to commit to creighton, just as a student though. even so, it made moving back to school away from home so much easier, and you could always trust that someone would be at your games. your parents had done their best before, but since elijah was still in high school, it was tough. 

paige had an amazing freshman season and you texted her a few times to congratulate her, but you both were getting too busy to keep up like you used to. you didn’t really watch her games anymore and you didn’t text her for every game, but you managed to catch a few headlines about various awards she won. 

that summer, the family vacation was put on hold. your grandparents were nervous about the pandemic given that all the kids were in college and could bring it back, so you stayed in omaha to work on your graduate school applications. your brother went back, though, mumbling something about not wanting to live in a house full of your friends or paying for summer housing. 

and it was the same the next summer, too. 

paige wouldn’t have gone anyway, after her injuries that season. you texted her about those, telling you how sorry you were. she didn’t get to come to your college graduation and she sent you a congratulations text to make up for it–for both graduating college and getting into the graduate program you wanted, but you understood.

and you ended up having to repeat that for her junior season. you had sympathy for her because she would have to miss out on her entire season twice in a row, something she was working so hard for.

you didn’t talk to her much beyond that, but you could imagine she was devastated. 

luckily, her senior year went a lot smoother. she was fully cleared, and playing harder than ever before. after she announced that she would be returning to uconn for a 5th year, your dad called to let you know that you would be having a special family vacation at the cabin to celebrate. grandpa and grandma were healthy, paige was healthy, and it would be the first time in years that you would get to do the tradition–though it wasn’t much of a tradition anymore. you made sure that you could make it because you missed your parents, your grandparents, and truthfully, you missed paige. you didn’t have to miss your brother because you could visit him whenever you wanted, but you guess it would be fun to hang out with him just like old times. 

the drive to the cabin in your parents' car was so nostalgic, you almost had the urge to cry. the familiar view of trees lining the road, though there were several new houses and stores lining the route. when you were younger, paige would ride along with your family, but this time she was driving herself. you couldn’t remember why, but you didn’t really question it. 

when you pulled into the driveway, you saw your grandpa’s minivan and a brand new jeep in the driveway–a jeep you had never seen before. you furrowed your brows in confusion, wondering who the hell was at your grandparents house.

your dad put the car in park, immediately popping the trunk to get the luggage out and inside. if there was one thing about him, he certainly didn’t waste any time getting settled in here. you got out too, looking around to take it all in. you had always loved coming here, this house had so many memories.

usually, though, your grandparents were rushing to the porch at the sound of the car door to greet you with a hug and a kiss, but they hadn’t come out yet. you tried not to think about it as you grabbed your suitcase and carried it inside. you left your suitcase at the bottom of the stairs, not really feeling like carrying it up to your bedroom at the moment. you could see your grandparents sitting on the back deck laughing through the big windows of their living room, so you all walked toward the door to see what had them so occupied.

your dad was first, opening the door and immediately saying, “hey, what’s the deal?” 

“oh, shit! you’re already here!” your grandpa laughed, pushing himself off out of the chair to give your dad a hug. your dad quickly bent down to give your grandma a hug as she stayed seated in your chair.

“paige got here early! we must’ve gotten distracted talking about how amazing she is,” your grandma explained.

then your dad turned, opening his arms wide. “paige,” his voice was soft, “it’s so good to see you again, kid.” 

she stood, wrapping her arms around him tightly. “i’ve missed you.”

when your dad stepped away, you were able to catch a glimpse of paige, and you swear, time stopped for a few seconds. she looked wildly different than the last time you saw her in person, and the livestreams and photos didn’t do her any justice. she looked grown up, like an actual adult rather than the little girl you remember running around your house. her hair was pulled into a messy low bun, probably because of the heat, and she was wearing a gray fitted tank top with black shorts and sneakers. you noticed she had definitely been spending time in the weight room by the defined muscles in her shoulders. her features were sharper, face slimmer.

you were snapped back to reality when it was your turn to hug your grandparents, giving them quick hugs before turning to paige. you tried not to make it obvious that you were feeling a whole different way for your brother’s best friend than before as you said a hello and gave her a quick, probably too quick to not be obvious, hug. 

you knew it was going to be a long two weeks.

and the first week only proved that.

you found yourself staring at paige when she was doing anything–swimming, playing pickup basketball with your brother, sitting at the breakfast bar, playing cards with your family. and she definitely noticed. you made eye contact almost every single time. at first, you would immediately look away, but you started testing the waters and holding it. she almost always broke first. you hoped no one else noticed because you couldn’t help it. the veins in her hands, the accentuating lines on her abdomen, the new curve of her ass–they were all distracting.

she started getting bolder too. touching your waist or back just barely whenever she went by you, bringing you snacks or drinks, and making sure to always be on your team when you were playing games. your dad and your brother would snicker quietly, clearly assuming paige’s crush never subsided. 

it was friday night, and your grandparents had invited a few of the other families that lived close to come hang out a few hours ago. it was normal, you knew all the families that were coming, and so did your parents. your dad had grown up in this house, so they had all known each other for years. you had been talking to one of the girls for a while, trying to catch up, but you could feel paige’s eyes trained on you.

she was sitting across the deck from you at the table with your brother and a couple of the other kids from the other families. you didn’t know what they were talking about, but paige didn’t seem too interested at all. the only thing that was holding her attention was you and the seltzer she was holding in her hands. 

after around twenty minutes, you excused yourself to go to the bathroom. only, you didn’t even really have to go to the bathroom, you just could feel yourself getting antsy under the intense stare.

paige excused herself too, mumbling something about how she needed another drink. your brother didn’t see you go inside, nor was he really paying attention, so he didn’t even say anything as she chugged the rest of her seltzer and pushed the back door open. 

you had gone to the bathroom upstairs to splash some cold water on your face and give yourself some light affirmations in the mirror about how you would be able to get through this week without any issues or slip ups. it wasn’t really convincing, but you managed to peel yourself away from the bathroom to join your family anyway. you knew that if your dad even suspected that you irish-goodbyed him at his own childhood home, he would come searching for you to drag you back out–especially since he had been drinking. you took a deep breath before you started down the stairs, trying to calm yourself down so paige didn’t notice she was getting to you. 

when you got to the bottom of them and walked down the hall, you saw paige in the kitchen leaning against the counter. she was gripping it like it would run away, her head hung between her arms like she was struggling with something. with the way it made her muscles pop, you wouldn’t be surprised if drool started dripping from your lips.

“hey,” you said casually as you entered the kitchen. 

her head immediately snapped up to look at you, and she seemed stunned for a few moments, too shocked to even reply. she shouldn’t have been, she knows you are here and she followed you inside. you visibly chuckled at her, but she just watched you as you moved past her to grab a drink from the fridge. 

“need another?” you asked, grabbing a random can from the shelf and holding it out for her. she stared at it for a few seconds before slowly reaching out for it. 

“thank you,” she said quietly.

you cracked your own can open to take a drink, holding eye contact with her while doing so. she held her breath, clearly nervous about where this was going but you had a mischievous glint in your eyes.

“i’m glad you’re here,” you say, leaning your hip next to her hands against the counter. “i was beginning to think i’d never see you again.” 

she pushed herself off, copying your position while facing you to use the height difference to her advantage. holy shit, when had she gotten this tall? well, she had been that height since high school, but the new body made her seem more powerful in her stance. she used to be a lanky kid who grew too fast for own body to keep up. she seemed to have gathered her composure as she smirked. 

“are you saying you missed me?” she asked, seemingly assuming that she could make you nervous. you were a little nervous, but you knew you had the upper hand in this situation.

you tilted your head flirtatiously. “yeah, i did, but i didn’t expect you to look so...” you paused like you were coming up with a word to use, “different.”  

she raised her eyebrows in shock, struggling to swallow from nervousness as her lips parted. you glanced at them then back at her eyes, knowing what you were doing. she seemed to be searching any part of her brain for a coherent reply, but was coming back with nothing. 

you just smiled, taking a step back and walking back onto the porch to rejoin the conversation you had abandoned. and for the rest of the evening, you could feel paige’s eyes on you again, but you made zero effort to give her a glance back.

after the party had died down and it was far later than you intended to be awake, you sat in one of the chairs that had been left out with a drink in your hands, watching the water. you were below the deck, so just slightly out of the line of sight from the house so no one could see you and come interrupt your moment. that is, until you heard paige walking down the rickety old wooden steps. she jumped a little, like she had not expected to see someone there, but quickly recovered. you watched her for a moment before gesturing to the chair next to you in a silent command for her to sit down. she did, of course she did. 

“what are you doing awake?” you ask in an accusing way, like she was in trouble.

she laughed at your tone. “trying to figure out what different means.” 

admittedly, you were not expecting that answer or even anything similar to it. it took you a little off guard, but you were able to not make it obvious. she sat back in her chair casually, staring at you with intensity, waiting for the answer, and you did your best to match it.

“what do you want it to mean?” you asked.

“i don’t know,” she shrugged. “you’re the one who said it.” 

you chuckled and looked away, nodding at her words. she obviously had an answer she was searching for, and you had one that probably aligned with it, but you did not want to give it to her right away. 

“you’re not gonna tell me?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

you shook your head stubbornly, making eye contact with her again. “i think you know.” 

the air between you two was suddenly loaded, tiptoeing over the line that had never been crossed. you both knew where this was going, and you could cut the tension with a knife. though, she didn’t seem very patient to get the answer. 

her tongue darted out to lick her bottom lip. she hesitated for a moment, suddenly aware of how close your chairs were. “i want you to say it.”

you pretended to think about it for a moment, even adding a little hum for dramatic effect.

“nah.”

you figured that would be the end of that, that you had made paige just nervous enough to back down. she would go back into the house and overthink this interaction. but she didn’t. she leaned in toward you, her eyes shifting to stare at your lips instead. she stopped just before your noses were touching. 

“c’mon,” she murmured, brushing your noses together. “tell me.”

you consider giving into her game. you consider closing the gap and pressing your lips together in the kiss she’s obviously baiting for, to give her exactly what she wants. what she’s been waiting for. 

but you don’t. 

you bite your lip, turning your head forward toward the water.

“shoot,” you say as you stand, “i’m beat. think i better get to bed.” 

she stares up at you with parted lips in shock, thinking she was going to finally get what she wanted. and she will, you intend to, but not right now. you want to tease her, string her along a bit more, make her desperate for it. but you didn’t have much time left to do so.

you walk back up the stairs of the porch without looking back at her, proudly smirking to yourself like it was an accomplishment. she stares at you as you do, not even able to be annoyed at how that played out. she doesn’t know why. she always gets what she wants, so she didn’t know why she wasn’t angry, let alone annoyed.

when you made it up to your bedroom, you closed the door softly to not wake anyone and flopped onto the bed. you stared at the ceiling with your arms crossed across your chest, thinking about how you were going to approach this. part of you wishes you had just given in and gotten what you both wanted, but this was fun. it was fun to know that you had power over her, the girl who would call herself the ultimate rizzler. maybe she was back at school, but you had yet to see it. here, she was all nervous smiles and glances and gentle touches that could be mistaken for something else. you had been the ones leading the conversations that were loaded with anything but friendliness. 

even though he made jokes about it sometimes, you wondered if elijah would be mad about this. apparently, he used to love telling paige that you were home or that you’d be at a game to test her and see if she would react. she tried not to, but everyone could see right through it. which you had just learned this week from your dad after he had a few too many drinks. paige tried to play it cool, but you didn’t miss the blush that rose to her cheeks as he told the stories. 

well, even if he would be mad, it’s not like you have to tell him. it’s not like you’re asking for her hand in marriage. you doubt that paige would tell him anything because why would he want to hear that stuff about his sister? you definitely wouldn’t want to hear about him from girls that he hooked up with.

the sound of a door closing in the hallway broke you from your thoughts. you knew it was paige’s, that she had finally come inside for the night. even though you wanted to keep her waiting longer, your body betrayed you as you pushed yourself off the bed and walked to your door. your hand hesitated on the knob for a second, because really, what were you doing? but you opened it nonetheless. 

unfortunately, paige’s door was directly in front of yours. to make up for it, you stood stupidly in front of her door, contemplating just turning around and going back to bed. you didn’t know what to say or do once she opened it–if she opened it anyway. you almost wish she wouldn’t.

before you could even convince yourself not to, you knocked on the wood twice in an attempt not to wake anyone else up. you could hear shuffling from within the room, making your mind wander to what paige could be doing in there. you didn’t have too long to think about it before the door was creaking open, though. 

her expression was a mix of emotions–both surprised and not surprised to see you standing there. surprised that you were standing there knocking on her door in the middle of the night, but not surprised because you were the only other person awake. she stared at you for a few moments, not really knowing what to say. 

you didn’t know what to say either, but it didn’t matter. you reached your hand out to fist the collar of her shirt, pulling her down to your height and crashing your lips together. she made a surprised sound in the back of her throat, but quickly recovered to kiss back with an open-mouthed, heated intensity that you weren’t expecting. her hands flew to your waist, using them to tug you into the room. you used your other hand to close the door, so she took advantage of the opportunity to press your back against it, pressing your bodies together. you didn’t even realize that your hand had released the grip on her collar and had a light grip on her throat. 

you must’ve accidentally squeezed because she whimpered against your lips, snapping you back to reality. you pulled away breathlessly, a look of disbelief in her eyes. you just smiled, leaning forward to give her another peck. 

she tried to chase you, but you just whispered, “goodnight, paige.” 

and with that, you spun on her heel, opening the door and closing it behind you. your heart was racing from what you just did, and you almost wanted to skip back to your room from the giddiness. that wasn’t even your intention, but you knew it would definitely linger in her mind.

behind the door, paige was staring at it in shock. her hands were still in the same position they were in on your waist and her jaw dropped. one, because she couldn’t believe that actually happened. and two, because you really did her like that. like, what the actual fuck? she had half a mind to march her ass across the hallway and give her a piece of her mind.

she didn’t, though. she did exactly what you wanted–didn’t sleep, just stared at the ceiling wondering if she was hallucinating.

you thought that you would probably do the same, but as soon as you laid down, you found yourself falling asleep. 

at around 10am the following morning, there was a knock at your door. you groaned loudly, extremely annoyed that someone decided to wake you up from the best sleep you had in months. they were polite, at least, because they were waiting for you to answer instead of barging in (so it definitely was not your parents). you huffed as you sat up in bed, throwing the covers dramatically and padded over to the door. 

you turned the knob and pulled it open to see paige standing there with a disheveled bun like she had been tossing and turning all night, and a blank look like she was trying to mask how she was really feeling. it woke you up, suddenly remembering what you had done to her last night. before you could even say anything, she was using one hand to push you back into the room and closed the door behind her, eyes on yours the whole time. 

“good morning to you, too,” you laughed.

“you think this is funny?” she deadpanned. it definitely caught you a little off guard, and had you wondering if she was genuinely angry at you. you definitely wouldn’t blame her if she was, but you also didn’t really think it was that serious. 

“maybe a little,” you shrugged nonchalantly. though, you didn’t really feel nonchalant at the moment. your heart was pounding against your ribcage and you were struggling to control your breathing, but you hoped it wasn’t obvious to her.

she blew a laugh out of her nose, clearly unamused, and rolled her eyes. you watched as she bit the inside of her cheek, but you couldn’t tell if she was trying to figure out what to say next or if she was genuinely upset.

“y’know what you do to me?” 

you tilt your head slightly, raising your eyebrows like you’re confused–playing dumb. obviously you do, you both know that, but this was unclaimed territory. you had never really been friends, let alone anything close to where you are now, and everything changed last night. you would never be able to take back the one thing that completely changed the trajectory. 

“tell me,” you say so softly it was almost a whisper.

“i think you know,” she replies with a smirk, copying you from last night.

you hesitate for a few moments to weigh your options on where to go from here. you know you could keep asking and she would probably tell you, but she’s even more stubborn than you. you could leave her hanging for the third time in twenty-four hours, but what’s the fun in that?

“i do.”

she swallows hard, clearly not expecting an upfront answer like that. she completely expected you to dance around the subject like you had been–to keep her wondering and hanging onto an idea that she wasn’t even sure was real. not that she had a reason to doubt anymore after last night. her face was unreadable, but you could tell that she was nervous now. she didn’t expect that answer, and now wasn’t really sure what to do. she didn’t think she’d get this far, to be honest. 

instead of waiting for her to make the first move like you planned, you put your hands on her waist, fisted her shirt, and backed her against the door like she did to you last night. her breathing sped up enough for you to see the shallow rise and fall of her chest, relishing in the power you had at the moment. you pressed your bodies together and brushed your noses together, not wanting to close the gap yet. her lips parted as you did so, her eyes closing in anticipation. 

a smile rises to your face when you decide to pull away again, loving this game you were playing. she seemed to not return the feeling, though, because she automatically reached out to grab your throat and crash your lips together again. you expected it to be intense and fast like last night, but she kissed you slow and sensually like she was trying to savor the moment–like she didn’t know if this would ever happen again. 

you loosened the grip on her shirt to press your hands on the small of her back and press your bodies impossibly closer. she tangled her other hand in your hair, but didn’t pull. 

“you’re drivin’ me crazy,” she whispered into your mouth, but didn’t give you any time to reply.

the heat of your lips and bodies pressing together was more passionate than you had ever felt in your life. you didn’t know what it was–if it was the anticipation or the amount of want between the two of you. she was definitely still holding back, and you wanted paige to let her guard down fully. 

the hand she had on your throat slid down slightly to your chest, using the position to lightly push you backwards. you didn’t even take the time to think about what she was doing, but her intentions were clear when the back of your legs hit the bed. she gave you a light shove so you fell backwards, your back hitting the soft mattress with a soft thud. she didn’t waste any time grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head as she smirked down at you, exposing her black nike sports bra. 

you figured she would immediately crawl on top of you to continue kissing you, but she sank to her knees in front of you. you propped yourself up on your elbows to watch her curiously. she held eye contact as her palms smoothed over the skin of your legs from your ankles up to your knees. then, she leaned forward to place a soft kiss along the inside of your knee, trailing up your thighs slowly with close-mouthed pecks. when she reached the hem of your shorts, she placed a kiss to your other leg and trailed back down to your other knee, her hands coming up to smooth over your thighs. 

wetness pooled in your shorts at the touch. even though you would be content going slow if you were in her position, you wanted her to speed up and move to where you wanted her the most. it was only okay when you teased like this. 

and you thought she was going to give in as you watched her face get closer, but instead, she used both hands to push up your t-shirt to expose your abdomen and placed a kiss just above the waistband of your shorts. she started to trail her kisses up your stomach toward your breasts, but you interrupted her.

“paige,” you groaned in annoyance, trying to resist the urge to push her head down. 

she just laughed against your skin. “what?” she asked with a combination of amusement and innocence dripping in her tone.

you rolled your eyes with an exasperated sigh. honestly, you had no right to be complaining after last night, but that was your game to play. you were supposed to be the one in control of the situation, not her.

“i thought you were patient,” she accused playfully. 

“i never claimed to be,” you replied, but you knew exactly what she was referring to anyway. 

she shook her head, a light chuckle leaving her lips. one of her hands traveled from your shirt slowly down your stomach to your shorts, teasingly tracing over your clit through the fabric. the sensation was more intense than you thought it would be due to your lack of underwear. you expected her to move her hand again when she noticed, just to keep you waiting, but instead, she lowered her hand and mouthed over it through the fabric. you sighed, placing one of your hands on the back of her head.

her pointer finger hooked around the waistband of your shorts to tug them down. you lifted your hips directly into her face to assist her, causing her to laugh, but you didn’t even think about it. you just wanted her to stop wasting time, to stop teasing. once your shorts are off, she doesn’t do anything for almost an entire minute, just stares at you to take it all in. she almost wanted to pinch herself to make sure it wasn’t all a dream. 

“paige,” you impatiently groan again, “seriously.”

without any hesitation, she leans forward and flattens her tongue to lick a stripe from your entrance up to your clit while making sure she’s holding eye contact the whole time. you bite back a moan, not wanting anyone in the house to hear you. but when she starts to circle your clit with her tongue at a fast pace that you weren’t expecting, you can’t hold it back. her hips buck forward slightly and thighs clench together at the sound, loving that she is the one making you feel like that.

you should’ve known she would be good at this. you’re sure she has all the girls falling to her knees back in storrs, connecticut. she probably has so many girls crying over her, wishing they would be next, and you say a silent thank you to whoever taught her to do this so you could experience it. 

one of her fingers traces your entrance lightly causing you to grasp her hair, probably messing up her bun, but neither of you care. she pushes two fingers inside you and your back arches off the mattress. they curl inside you as she pumps them in and out slowly. the contrast of her tongue quickly circling and her fingers moving slowly makes you buck into her face, and she moans against you. you can’t help the way your eyes roll to the back of your head at the feeling. 

she pulls her mouth away to gauge your reaction, speeding up her fingers and using her thumb against your clit to make up for it. 

“does that feel good?” she asks lowly, but you couldn’t help but notice that she sounds genuine too. like she isn’t confident in her abilities–her amazing abilities, mind you.

you open your eyes to meet hers, seeing a genuinely curious glint in her eyes. “so good, paige. you’re doing so good for me.” 

her eyes widen, hips bucking forward again. you hadn’t even touched her yet but she was having to squeeze her thighs together to keep from coming in her pants. she couldn’t help it though–the teasing, the sensual kisses, your moans caused by her. it was shocking too, she doesn’t know if she has ever gotten off this much and this fast just from pleasing someone else.  maybe it’s because it’s you, the girl she’s been waiting for to finally look her way.

her mouth is back on you again, but this time, instead of her fingers moving slowly while her tongue quickly swirls, her fingers are moving fast too. they’re curling inside you desperately trying to find your spot. it’s so much, and you can feel the pressure building in your stomach already. 

“shit,” you moan, trying to hold back your release. “fucking me like you were made for me.” 

but then she moans against you again, and that’s all you need before your stomach tenses and you’re coming on her fingers. she keeps the pace, working you through it relentlessly which drags it out much longer than you expected it to last. 

you twitch as you begin to come down, but paige doesn’t stop. 

“w-wait–fuck, paige,” you stutter out. your hips attempt to buck away, but she throws her arm across your hips and squeezes to keep you in place, and your unoccupied hand presses against her forehead. you apply a little pressure, but not enough to actually push her off. it’s too much but it feels so good–you can’t decide if you want her to keep going or stop. 

“i’m not done,” she murmurs–or maybe whimpers is the more appropriate word. 

you moan loudly as your thighs clench tightly around her head, but she doesn’t care. she continues to fuck her fingers into you at an intense pace, circling her tongue like she wasn’t losing any stamina. it only takes about a minute before you’re falling apart again, but you can’t even bring yourself to be embarrassed about it. 

with your head thrown back against the mattress, you don’t even notice the way she’s clenching her thighs to hide her own orgasm. 

luckily (or unluckily), she slows her pace this time to help you work through it. when you finally came down, she pulled her fingers out causing you to wince at the sudden emptiness. then, she slowly stood, trying to cover up the way her legs were shaking a little bit. she sheepishly bit her lip, hoping you didn’t notice the way she had just came in her pants in a touchless orgasm. 

you do notice her legs shaking, though. you sit up, placing your hands on the sides of her thighs and smoothing over the skin. 

“you’re shaking,” your voice is soft as you say it, and she can’t meet your eyes. 

your hands quickly move up to tug her shorts down her thighs. when she realizes what you’re doing, she scrambles to help you. after she steps out of them, you move your hands to her hips to tug her into your lap. she complies, straddling your thighs awkwardly. clearly, she didn’t do this often either. you groan when she settles herself down completely, feeling the wetness through her underwear brush against the muscle of your thigh. not only that, but the way her clit is pulsing too.

“fuck, paige,” you moan, looking up at her with amazement, “did you come already?”

“no,” she replies a little too quickly. but you don’t miss the way her cheeks turn red.

“you’re so cute,” you laugh, leaning forward to press your lips together. 

she cradled your face in her hands as your lips move together slowly. you used the placement of your hands on her hips to grind her against your thigh.

“is that okay?” you whispered against her lips. 

she started to grind her hips slowly on her own, then whispered, “yes.” 

“i want you to make yourself come again.” 

you pulled your lips away from hers to kiss down her neck, nipping at the skin while making sure you didn’t leave any marks so she didn’t get in trouble with her coaches. she threw her head back in a moan at the feeling. 

“you look so good in my lap like this,” you reply. “so desperate for me.” 

her head drops to bury itself in your neck, a whimper leaving her lips. one of her hands gripped at the hair at the nape of your neck, pulling slightly. you couldn’t help but smile at her even though she couldn’t see it. 

“feels so good,” she whispered hesitantly like she was nervous to say anything. “never want to stop. i could fuck you all day.” 

you moan as your hips bucked up to meet hers causing your thigh to press against her harder. 

“fuck, i’m gonna–” she didn’t even get to finish her sentence before she was crying out and coming hard on your thigh, still sensitive from her orgasm earlier. 

“that’s it, baby. so good for me,” you say, smoothing your hands over her back in a comforting way. 

when she came down and stopped twitching, you wrapped your arms tightly around her waist and pulled her back as you allowed your back to meet the mattress, her lying on top of you. giggles erupted from her lips at the action which caused you to laugh at the adorable sound. 

“we should do that again sometime.” 

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Okay hear me out. Batfamily, ugly Christmas sweater addition.

Bruce Wayne:

No doubt in my mind his children forced him into it. As soon as Dick mentioned wearing ugly sweaters on Christmas Day he found this monstrosity sitting in his closet. He chucked it out. He forgot about it. The next week it was back. He threw it out again. Two days passed. It was back. He tried shredding it, burning it, burying it in the backyard. It reappeared each time. Needless to say, it was still there on Christmas and he reluctantly wore it to the delight of everybody.

Jason Todd:

He wanted absolutely nothing to do with what Dick had planned… at first. Then he realised it was a great opportunity to piss Bruce off. Funny enough, it didn’t work as he hoped as Bruce was just happy he was there.

Tim Drake:

Wanted nothing to do with it and still wants nothing to do with it. Chose the first thing on the rack. Would’ve given Young Justice the chance to chose he sweater but he doesn’t trust them to NOT get him something horrendous.

Dick Grayson:

Planned this whole thing just to wear this monstrosity he found while doom scrolling on Instagram reels (he has adhd and is a millennial, he sure as hell isn’t on TikTok BUT dopamine go brrr). His siblings hate him. He loves it.

Damian Wayne:

This boy FOUGHT like one of those cats being forced into a costume. He clawed and begged and weaponised crying. Dick cackled at him until he had it on. He stayed on Dicks shoulders for the rest of the night. They did not talk for a month after.

He will stab anyone who brings it up.

Stephanie Brown:

Okay picture this in hot pink. She immediately locks onto some sort of meme when Dick mentions ugly sweaters. She finds this ugly ass sweater and steals Bruce’s credit card to get it.

Cassandra Cain:

Stephanie immediately calls Cass with plans. She happily agrees. She helps Steph steal Bruce’s credit card and proudly pulls Steph around to show the whole family their matching sweaters. A photo of them recreating the meme with their matching sweaters spreads around the web for at least a week.

Barbra Gordon:

Along with this sweater, Barbs places a USB stick containing a compilation of epic patrol failures in each of the Bat’s Christmas stockings. She wants to keep them on their toes (and adequately afraid of her). It is effective.

Duke Thomas:

Same vain as Steph. Instantly clocked in on memes and found this bad boy. Shows up with yellow temporary dye on his hair and old-lady sunglasses from the dollar store. Whenever he faces the slightest inconvenience he asks to speak to the manager. It becomes a bit where the manager changes each time and becomes crazier than the last.

Alfred Pennyworth:

Motherfucker would not wear a ugly sweater no matter how much the children begged. And the children did beg (Damian had to pull out the puppy dog eyes for this one). Jason was actually the fucker who made him cave pulling out all the stops, “it’s my first Christmas with everyone since I… you know.”, “it would be nice to have something special to remember it you know?”, “I remember my first Christmas in the manor. I just want to feel that happy again.”

Jason comes prepared with the sweater and Alfred knows he’s lost (but he doesn’t really seem to mind when he sees all the smiling faces on Christmas Day).

[canisalbus]

Sorry about low activity and no art in weeks ´v`' I'm still here, just dealing with some health issues that are draining all of my energy.

You may remember that I started adhd medication some time ago, and the first meds didn't really seem to mesh with me, I just got bouts of intense, aimless anxiety from them with no significant benefits. I was switched to a different prescription and so far they've seemed to actually work, which is nice! It's like my brain is normally full of speed bumps, and while they're definitely still there, they've been lowered a little, at least some of the time.

Yesterday I had a little bit of a health scare. I had been having episodes of severe upper abdominal pain during the weekend, usually at night, and yesterday the pain had also spread to the left side of my back, accompanied by chills, nausea and dizziness. I called the medical helpline to ask whether this should warrant a trip to the emergency clinic and the person responding was worried about the possibility of an acute heart issue, and sent me an ambulance. The paramedics seemed very thorough and the tests came back mostly normal. They mentioned something about mild hypoxia (at heart?) and some other issue I didn't catch at the time, and that it's not quite dire enough to require an immediate ER visit but I should have it looked into as soon as possible. I have an appointment scheduled for thursday.

And I don't know, I'm still shaken about the whole thing. This is a new, very intense kind of pain and it's making me uneasy and unable to think about anything else. Of course in these situations you eventually end up googling and trying to figure out what it could be on your own, and from what I've seen the symptoms could fit gallstones or pancreatitis, but who's to say. I'm just waiting for thursday I guess, not sure of what to do with myself until then.

I keep weighing the option of going to the clinic tomorrow anyway just to be sure, and immediately feeling dumb because I'm obviously in a bit of a crisis mode mentally at the moment and it's probably not that urgent.

[spxllcxstxr]

Jayce and Viktor Dating Someone with ADHD • Headcanon

(Gif not mine)

Request: Hiiii how are you? I love your stories so I was wondering if you could write more jayvik x reader but who has adhd? TYSMM -- anon and Your Jayvik + reader headcanons have me are giddy and are healing my soul. Is it possible to ask for a some headcanons with a reader who has ADHD and also forgets to eat because of it?? I hope your day is kind to you! -- anon

Warnings: gn!reader, reader has ADHD, mentions of food and eating/not eating, these are lowkey kinda short im so sorry lol

A.N: Disclaimer: I don't have ADHD but I have many friends that do and while ADHD presents itself differently for people, I tried to keep this a bit generalized, I hope that's ok!! If anything needs changing or needs to be deleted for being inaccurate or anything, just let me know! Hope you guys enjoy!!

•

Jayce and Viktor are both very understanding people, so when you told them you had ADHD they didn’t have a problem with it. They are, however, problem solvers (they are inventors with the dream of making Piltover and Zaun better for the people), meaning they are very curious about your habits and how they can help. They don’t want to “cure” you, because there’s nothing to cure, but they want to understand how to reassure you and how to make living with ADHD easier on a day-to-day basis

If you’re someone who fidgets with things a lot, Jayce will happily pick up the task of making something that satisfies your need to occupy your hands and your thoughts. He loves being in the forge and he’ll gladly let you sit in there with him and listen to you describe what you would want. He’ll sit next to you, sketching out the design while you ramble about what textures are better than others or how weighty it should feel in your hand. Jayce honestly loves this little side project; not only does it let him work on something other than his research, but it also puts a smile on your face

If you like rambling for hours about your latest hyperfixation, Viktor is the best for that. He has a naturally curious mind and would love to learn something new. He especially likes it when your head is resting on his chest in the middle of the night. Viktor likes watching you move your hands as you talk excitably about the plant life in Ionia or the history of the Yordles. He doesn’t just listen—he’ll ask you questions or give you reading material he thinks you may like as well

Going to Council parties or even just walking through Piltover can really overwhelm you sometimes, either with all the noise or the texture of your clothing feeling off, so your partners are very attentive to your wellbeing. The three of you set up a codeword for anyone to use when someone needs or wants to leave. They try to make it something funny every time to hopefully ease the panic a little bit. Usually Jayce and Viktor are glued to either side of you hip, but in the off chance they have to roam around the room, the two of them will try to keep an eye on you. They will always reassure you that it's ok that they are leaving these sorts of events early (Viktor barely wants to go in the first place), and when you get home the three of you will do something to calm everyone down and get into comfortable clothes

Having ADHD, you tend to get distracted/forget to do certain things. This usually includes eating. Your partners never want to seem overbearing or like they're smothering you, so they will try to subtly remind you to eat/do certain things. Jayce likes writing you little notes and putting them in the apartment. Usually they have little hearts in the corners with some encouraging remark after "remember to eat!" Viktor will usually try to eat with you, so you won't feel alone while eating. He'll be making something and he'll set the table for either two or three and that just reminds you to actually sit down and eat what Viktor makes

Your partners are very patient and are always open to new ideas. if you want them to do something different or if something works really well, they would love to hear it. They absolutely will not be mad at all, they love you so much and all they want to do is help make things easier for you

•

[rotthepoet]

Need theo and lorenzo head cannons 😔

Good morning sweet pookie, i gotchu!! I needed a little break after that threesome so I did some random, some silly, some fluffy, and some smutty, kay? It’s really just a big brain dump on how I characterize the boys <3 Hope you enjoy, love ;)

P.s. if I have any reoccurring anon’s, if you want me to differentiate you, please feel free to assign yourself an emoji <3 unspoken rule i thought i’d say out loud

Theodore Nott

I agree with literally everyone on this app, he is a smarty pants, but i refuse to believe he sits down and studies

It’s not that he doesn’t care about his grades, he just doesn’t have to try to get good marks. Queen absorbs information like a sponge and retains that shit forever. Doesnt have to waste time with a boring textbook because he commits everything to memory.

That being said, he will remember everything about you. Your favorite movie you mentioned in passing, he saw you eat something particular multiple times he can infer its your favorite and will buy it for you often, he knows your habits, your aspirations, your desires. All of it. Does it for his close friends and lovers <3

Huge smoker. Like. Oral fixation final boss. Needs to have something to smoke or at least chew on at all times

I mentioned before how I think Mattheo and him laugh at people who vape, but Theodore Nott is a two faced LIAR and actually keeps a menthol alto with him at all times. For convenience sake. If you ask him, it’s different because its not a fun lil fruity flavor.

Speaking of Mattheo, those two are best friends. Like ride or die. Like. These two are bread and butter, inseparable and delicious.

Will internalize everything. This is why he gets so worked up and fights people. It may seem like him getting pissy over nothing, but this boy has some unresolved trauma and unmedicated issues.

Theo has ADHD prove me wrong and fuck you for trying(jk love you, but i will die on this hill.) severe anxiety issues, def some depression going on, hes working through some shit.

Theo can process a lot of stimulus at the same time. Watching him hold 3 steady conversations while reading a novel at the same time is a sight to behold.

Smokes weed a lot too. Mostly bud, but he’s smart and keeps a cart on him too for quick bathroom breaks when he needs to chill tf out. It slows down all the thoughts racing around his head. Lets him relax. Lets him feel peace. Let him feel comfortable. He’s been searching for that feeling his whole life.

Mommy and daddy issues check?

Anyways!

Theo is a player, and its not even because he tries to be.

Girls flock towards him, and he needs an outlet.

Sex is a good outlet.

Sex and drugs? Now we’re cooking

He doesn’t care much for the dating scene, didn’t think he was cut out for it. Bad home life. No mom. Depressed and emotionally distant evil dad. Friends and his family are all death eaters? Causes some bad views on relationships as a whole.

Omg but when he falls in love it takes forever but its so hard. Its so devastatingly hard.

It goes from “wow they really make me happy” to “omfg i need to marry them they make me feel complete and comfortable and it feels like i can finally be myself around someone this is the feeling i have been searching for my whole life” really fast when he falls

He’d never love at first sight. Refuse it. He might think someone is pretty or handsome, but he won’t ever describe it as love at first sight.

100% friends to lovers

He’s a quality time kinda guy i think

Just likes co-existing really

Stay in the room with him in silence as he reads and hes so golden

But that will bump up several notches and enjoy every other love language too

He wants to make you love him. He’ll do anything for you. Buy anything for you. Tell you everyday how wonderful you are

He’s being so genuine too

His friends would know

He never shuts up about you

If you had never spoken to his friends, never met them, they’d be able to come up to you in a grocery store and say “oh. You’re <you>, right?”

And dear god he genuinely cries a little in relief when you finally say yes

He’s buried his face in your hair and hugging you so tightly and he tries not to cry because he finally has everything he needs in his arms

He’s such a good boyfriend

Will never question you(at least not at first or without good reason)

Literally worships the ground you walk on

Will apologize first immediately after every meaningless petty fight

Thats different about real fighting though. Stubborn ass bitch

Anyways

Dotes on you everyday

Calls you so many sweet names in Italian

Has an Italian accent but sometimes tries a British accent to throw everyone off.

Argues in italian

Lowkey hates snow

Runs super cold so loves lovvesss hot weather

Will take you to Italy over the summer

Demands you go

Fucks you on the balcony of his family home

Fucks you stupid on the beach

Sorry where was I going with this

Ah yes anyways

Runs super cold so like is a big fan of cuddles. Lots of sweaters for you to steal

He likes turning cuddles into more slow and intimate things

Slowly fingering you as you spoon

Cockwarming in the morning or late at night<3

So much worship.

So much

Just adores you.

Loves fast rough sex but honestly could go on about slow love making for hours

Literally cant stand American reality tv

The biggest kardashian hater

Knows all the gossip because he’s quiet and listens

Doesnt care to share it though

Lorenzo Berkshire

Bitchboy extraordinaire

If I met Lorenzo Berkshire he would become #1 on my shitlist so fast

I called theo a two faced liar as a joke

But Enzo actually is one

Literally puts on the nicest mask for pretty girls, but every ex, and every guy in hogwarts knows he’s a conniving bitch behind closed doors

One of the richest in the group and it shows

Flaunts his money everywhere he goes

His ears are pieced

Also he likes having his ears bitten it can make him hard as a rock in seconds

Dates, but it usually only lasts a month and Hes the worst boyfriend ever

Dumps them whenever he gets bored

But omg when a person gives him his attitude back

Well first he gets even meaner

But also he likes you so much like… that was hot

And if you ignore his existence? On you like a moth to a flame

Craves attention

Such an attention seeker

Still will fight, isn’t very good, but will try

100% a prefect

Showers his pookie with so much love and attention

When he finally gets the person he wants, hes on top of them 24/7

Never a hand straying to far

Literally obsessed

Big fan of exhibitionism

Will fuck uou on the train, the bathrooms, the common room, the classroom

Its all fair game

Would love to see you all tied up in pretty ribbons for his birthday

Ass man 100%

Likes to just get a fistfull while you hug or cuddle

Mattheo and him are the biggest gossipers

Has like 4k followers on instagram because hes so pretty

Father and mother are hirh death eaters. Does anyone know Berkshire lore because i def dont

Like fr can someone explain him to me

Pairs well with anyone in the grouo, really

Gets along especially with Theo or Mattheo

Amazing at card games, and says he’s amazing at chess too. Hes not.

Literally refuses to snack, says it’ll ruin his physique

On the quidditch team much like everyone else he’s friends with

Slays at herbology

Maybe a bit of a smoker? Not often, and def more weed than tobacco

Light weight for reals

Like severely light weight

He’s the laughingstock of the friend group for it

Him and Mattheo have a running bet on who can fuck the most women

Omg omg omg because they so do the alphabet challenge im so sorry but its factual

Lorenzo is currently winning with 15/26 letters in the alphabet but Mattheo isnt too far behind

Its because Lorenzo is so charming and Mattheo…. Is himself.

Anyways back to being his significant other

Will spoil you

Relentlessly

Lowkey expects head in return but that will wear ofd eventually

109% more likely to start a fwb situation than anything else

Treats you like a girlfriend this whole time

Kisses you sweetly, holds uou close when you sleep, mumbles about how special you are

Just being a girlfriend without the title because then it gets too weird

Loses his shit if you get tired of trying and break it off

Genuinely ballistic if he loses you

Will pull as many favors and as many strings as he can to get yiu back

Seriously considers murder for a while

Anyways he gets you back baby<3

Speaking of babies hes super good with kids

Look at that face

Amazing dad face

Scared of marriage lmao

Bad parents. Fucked up views on relationships

Its a thing for all of them tbh

[loversrocktvgirl2]

Hiii Mari!!!(can I call you that?)

Ugh I have so many ideas in my brain🥲

But what about Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Tony (+anyone else you might wanna add) with an s/o who's got adhd? Not the like, "extroverted" 24/7 adhd, but where they js get random bursts of talkative adhd and stuff?

Or, another separate little idea, them with an s/o who's uncomfortable with alcohol? I feel like its a bit of an interesting concept with Tony cuz he's had plenty of moments where he's drinking in the mcu

Those are the only two I'll bother you with for now until random thouvhts come to me again<3

Please remember to take breaks, have a bite to eat, drink water, and have a nap when you need it!!!<3<3<3 appreciate you<3<3<3

(*noms you lovingly<3*)

gahhhhhhhhh I am so very sorry that it took me this long to write this (21 days is like three weeks so oopsies) but yes here it is

i did not write the alcohol prompt, i don’t have a lot of experience with alcohol honestly lol

and yeah, you can call me mari!! that’s cute as hell

my mini multiverse of madness…

ADHD Headcannons (Steve, Bucky, Sam, Tony)

word count: 0.6k+

masterlist

Steve 

Steve is a patient soul. He is a thinker and a listener first, and it’s only when he’s perfectly worded a response that he decides to speak. Everything that he does, no matter how impulsive it may seem, has had a lot of his thoughts poured into it. And when he hears you ramble, random and excited, it surprises him. And he loves listening to it. 

He is so on board for every little thing you’re into. You got super into cars and he started leaving F1 on on the TV until you started watching it and learning all about it. He’d figured you’d like it. And you ramble about it, explain every little rule and detail and decision, and Steve listens carefully, like he has all of the time in the world and nothing he’d rather be doing. 

When you move on, he’s unbothered. Next phase it is!

 Bucky 

Bucky is brooding and quiet. Also a huge literature nerd. When he gets into things, he thinks about them constantly, yet he never shares them with anybody. Then he gets to know you. And damn, it’s so fun!! You ramble and share and tell him about the things you’re into, and he gets invested. You started watching this cop show, and he’s never seen a single episode. But when he gets home from work, he expects a full recap from you, and he’s invested now. 

You eventually convince him to share more about the stuff that he’s into, so he compiles a list of a bunch of his favorite books and some things on his to be read and together, you start a two person bookclub.

You get into his books and the two of you go on tangents about what different things mean. It’s his very favorite thing. 

Sam

Sam is loud and rambunctious and playful. He shares and he listens already. But he loves it when you get going talking about something. He jokes that there’s little buzzwords that no one knows that get you rambling about something. One time, he mentioned the words “ten dollar” and you got on a rant about Hamilton. He listened very intently, very amused, for about five minutes, and then couldn’t help but chuckle.

He now has a list of buzzwords on the notes app on his phone and you cannot fight me on this.

Sam playfully teases you a bit about this, but he genuinely doesn’t mind, and he knows what you’re sensitive about and is careful to avoid that when he’s gently teasing you about things. 

Overall, though, Sam is a very sweet, funny, playful, and endearing guy and he is more than happy to listen to you rant. 

Tony

Tony, honestly? He’s the same damn way. 

You both just get very talkative randomly and you’re both extremely sarcastic. You both get very intense hyperfixations and it’s all you can think about. It drives everybody else freaking crazy because, while you do handle Tony better than anyone else on the planet, you are also shockingly alike. 

One time, Tony had the gall to ask Steve, “is that what I act like?” after you showed them your diorama of the music industry. It made Steve laugh and nod enthusiastically, “yes!” Tony chuckled, and insisted that it was much more endearing coming from you. 

When the two of you both got hyper fixated on this one specific robot model though? HOLY HELL.

Fury laughed and said, “if only I could get you two to work like that on half the S.H.I.E.L.D. missions.”

You two are adorable. 

taglist@spaceycat @vidanand @xo-cench @raikan624 @yeehawgiddyup13 @wpdarlingpan @puer-aurea

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Jan 10th

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1. Hi! Happy New Year! I hope 2025 is a blessed year for you all!

For FF: I read a LJY/LSZ fic a couple years back and I thought i bookmarked it but can’t find it now. It’s where LJY developed a voice cultivation(?). He was not vibing with any instruments so he used his voice. He also almost die saving LSZ on a night hunt. Both became quite a legend themselves among the juniors and guest disciples.

Thank you for all your hard work! @bitemepotter

FOUND! anyway, here’s wuji by kakikaeru (T, 18k, ZhuiYi, WangXian, Post-Canon, Canon-Typical Violence)

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2. Heya, looking for a fic but only remember one little thing about it. It had a scene where Jiang Yanli and Jin Guangyao had tea and JYL ended up poisoning JGY. I think she might have been testing him but he failed it but I'm not sure if it was this one or some other fic :')

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3. Happy new year! Thank you for all your help. I have a fic finder request, please! The story was a long canon au with red-string-of-fate soulmate mechanics. Lan Zhan and Wei Ying followed their string to meet during the Cloud Recesses lectures, but Wei Ying cut it during the golden core transfer (or maybe the transfer... withered it? blackened it? I can’t remember). The fic then picks up when Wei Ying is brought back to life and the red thread forms between them again, allowing Lan Zhan to find Wei Ying again. I would love to read this story again! If anyone has any clues, please share. Thank you!

FOUND? the heartlines on our hands by occultings (microcomets) (E, 47k, wangxian, Soulmates AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, First Time, Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death)

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4. HI! For the FF: I saved a great line from a fic but *didn't* save the title, so now that I want to re-read the fic, I'm stumped. Thank you and the Hive Mind for any help. The line is: A-Ran had flung himself at A-Yuan like he was a landslide and A-Yuan was a badly built village. @songscloset

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5. Hey yall! I hate to add to your load, especially when I know it’s a fic you’ve found before, but scrolling through I can’t seem to find that silly fic where lxc was in denial about wangxian’s marriage and kept giving lwj marriage offerings. Hopefully it’ll be easy for you to find since I know I saw it on this blog

FOUND? happy not knowing by plonk (Not Rated, 16k, WangXian, Canon Era, Canon Divergence, Established Relationship)

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6. Hello lovely mods, I think I'm losing my mind. I saw two wangxian fics on ao3 recently that I planned to come back to but then couldn't find again with (various permutations of) the same tags. Did I dream them? Halp!

A) First fic: it was a modern au, something about fashionista LWJ, and WWX in a dress or feminized in some way. I think it was a PWP where it starts with them going out to dinner but may be mistaken on that point.

B) Second fic: time travel fix it but it's jin guangyao traveling back. There's something about how he'll do anything to make lan xichen smile, and that's how wwx becomes his problem. In the notes it mentions how jin guangyao remains as morally grey as ever, or something like that.

Do these stories exist outside of my head??!

TIA ❤️ @themoonmothwrites

6A)

FOUND? Cute Femboy Gets ~*HUGE SURPRISE!!!*~ by ScarlettStorm (E, 32k, WangXian, Modern AU, onlyfans au, Porn, sex worker wwx, Adhd wwx, autistic lz, Fashionista lz, Nonbinary NHS, genderfluid WWX, Feminization, (absolutely not forced and in fact very desired feminization), Date Night, Fluff and Smut, Established Relationship, Gender Exploration)

6B)

FOUND? Shards of Hope by Dreaming_Days (T, 89k, XiYao, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Redemption, Character Study)

FOUND? I Have Been Selfish, Too by osiesaur (M, 176k, 3zun, background wangxian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, POV Outsider, Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, JGY's Customer Service Smile, JGY Scheming is Used for Good, Scheming NHS, Protective NHS, 3zun | Venerated Triad Dynamics, Anxiety, PTSD, Mental Health Issues, Chronic Pain, Chronic Illness, canon typical abuse and bigotry, rated M for violence, The Kissing is Rated T) If the one alreasy recced for 6b isn't it and the person is going based just on a recall of summary+tags rather than having read the fic, 6b sounds like it could also be I have been selfish too. It's jgy pov + time travel + save wwx to make lxc happy. jgy just isn't the one time traveling.

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7. Hello. I search a fic but i just remember a moment of the fic + some infos: Wei Wuxian is taken in by the clan Lan after have been too much punished by Madam Yu. He's betrothed to Lan Zhan, adopted by the Lan Clan and at a point adopt baby Yuan. The scene that i remember is when Madam Yu visits Guzu and sees Wei Wuxian (with A-Yuan in his arms) and she uses Zadian at him. Huaisang, who was there, protect Wei Wuxian and is hurt by the whip. After that, both Madam Ju and Jiang Cheng have problem with both the clans Nie and the Lan. Thank you for you help.

FOUND? Consequences by Remma3760 (Not Rated, 58k, WangXian, XiSu, XuanLi, Canonical Child Abuse, Abusive YZY, Good Uncle LQR, WWX is a Lan, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Bad Parents JFM and YZY)

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8. Hi, I'm looking for a fic where gusu lan elders mind control WWX or smth into following all the rules when LWJ wasn't around.

I think it was a rec on wangxianficrecs but I can't find it anymore. It had an excerpt like, Sizhui was leading LWJ into the Jingshi and WWX was sitting at the table with perfect posture and stuff. Sizhui said smth like, " He's not hurt but acting weird." @shylurker111

FOUND! Perfect to Me by theearlymorningmist (T, 12k, WangXian, Protective LWJ, Good Uncle LQR, Yunmeng Siblings Feels, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Gusu Lan Elders Bashing, Curses, WWX is Loved, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Good Nephew JL, Protective JL)

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9. Hi so I'm trying to find a podfic that I have no idea what the name is and I really want to listen to it so here's what I remember lwj's big brother was awake and doing some stuff in the kitchen or whatever and wondering why his little brother is not awake yet so he goes to his baby brother's room trying not to feel guilty about it because he knows that his brother wakes up at the same time as him 5:00 a.m. you know at the jazz and so when he opens his door he sees his brother and wwx in this bed curled up together I was like very confused until later where they explained that wwx got kicked out by madam yu for something or another and that I don't remember and so wwx stays with them until they go to college it's a modern au @constancebloodstone

FOUND? Found Family by fyredancer (T, 10k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff, Getting Together, POV Outsider, Dysfunctional Family, Coming Out, Bad Parenting, Protective Older Brothers, Protective Siblings, [Podfic of] Found Family by Fyredancer by AuntieIroh)

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10. Hi! I want to find ff which is about wwx being traumatized because of zidian and he is also scared of storms/lighting (?). there was some kind of scene after he punched peacock in face that madam yu was about to punish him however lan wangji protected him. thanks a lot!

FOUND! Thunderstorm in the Library Pavilion by ZamaShines (M, 22k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Hurt/Comfort, Bad Parent YZY, Abusive YZY, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Whipping, Astraphobia, phobia - thunder, Thunderstorms, Panic Attacks, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, WWX Needs a Hug, and gets the hug, Good Sibling JC, Good Uncle LQR, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts)

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11. Hello! For Fic Finder please: I am looking for a fic (possibly two) where Wei Wuxian played GusuLan music during the Phoenix Mountain hunt, which other disciples recognized and they all clamored "why do you know Gusu folk music?" I think I might be confusing two fics though, and if either or both could be found that would be great! In my first thought WWX used Lan musical cultivation songs to help on the hunt (maybe to calm down crazed disciples?) and the Lan disciples got angry that an outsider knew Lan sect secret music. The other thought is that it was when WWX was blindfolded and resting in the tree he played Lan folk music, and I think a commotion was caused by disciples thinking he was trying to seduce Jiang Yanli but Madame Jin defends him saying she recognized the songs and that they were harmless. I can't remember if these two scenes came from the same fic or from two separate fics. Any help would be much appreciated, thank you! @gloriousclotpole

FOUND? Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, war changes people, no pinning, LWJ learns how to speak, WWX is not oblivious, Established Relationship, wangxian are married and have a son, Mpreg, Good Uncle LQR, a little grey LWJ, a bit of JC bashing from LWJ, BAMF JYL, 16 years of yearning, Canon-Typical Violence, LSZ is LWJ & WWX's Child, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Canonical Character Death - WWX, Canon Rewrite, Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts) WWX is playing Yunmeng folk songs, not Gusu ones, but the latter do come up in discussion after he finishes playing; the scene is about two thirds into the first chapter

~*~

12. it's a fic where WWx, JC, and JFM are on a night hunt and everything goes wrong, JFM dies and JC's golden core is destroyed, YYZ has WQ do a golden core transfer, and after WQ takes WWX back with her against YYZ will. Meanwhile WN steals WWX body camera which recorded the whole process

FOUND? 🧡🔒 Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 178k, WangXian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX, caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war)

~*~

13. For ff please! I am looking for a canon-divergent au where Wei Wuxian was some kind of creature shapeshifter, and his animal instincts gave him pack instincts which in turn caused him to fuss over and mother many of his same-age companions (like Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, Nie Huaisang, Wen Ning, I think Jin Zixuan and a few others). I feel like this kept cropping up at the Gusu Lectures because the other sects didn’t know Wei Wuxian was a shapeshifter so everyone thought he was just a mother hen-type friend. At some point he whipped out some territorial/protective mothering and protected the students against … someone? Maybe on a night hunt? I can’t remember. Any thoughts? Thank you!

FOUND? 🔒 flame and rust by Reverie (cl410) (M, 34k, WangXian, Dragon WWX, The BSSR lineage are dragons, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, BAMF WWX, Child Abuse, via Madam Yu, Fluff and Humor, Protective Siblings, Time Skips, Supportive LQR, Angst, Golden Core Reveal, Good Uncle LQR)

~*~

14. I am looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian hid in Lotus Pier after the Sunshot Campaign. With Jiang Cheng's help he disguised himself as a frail woman and the cover story was that "she" was a Jiang cousin or something, come to take refuge. I think Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng even pretended to get engaged to further the disguise. Everything was revealed comedically at a Jin conference where *shock and awe* Wei Wuxian couldn't help himself from flirting with Lan Wangji. Would love to read this again!

FOUND? By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 31k, Wangxian, Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, Misunderstandings, Identity Porn, Identity reveal) this one is similar, except it's not after the Sunshot Campaign, it's when WWX wakes up in MXYs body, except MXY did the ritual a bit too early and as a result, WWXs soul isn't properly seated in the body so he's frail / though wwx & jc are assumed to be engaged, rather than pretending to be

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15. Hello, I am looking for a fic where LZ and WY first meet at some kind of music summer camp as teenagers. LZ quickly decides that they are dating, while WY is under the impression that they’re a camp-only couple. Every year, LZ also has a detailed schedule of things to do together since they can’t see each other for long. They eventually clear up their relationship status misunderstanding and go to college together. Thanks!

FOUND! I think 15 is Chapter 3 in this threadfic/chat fic collection by x_los

~*~

16. Okay, I've been looking for this fic for the last few days, but I really need some help. So WangXian are arranged married, I'm very sertain it's canon divergent and the war doesn't/hasn't happened yet. WWX tries very much to become a productive member of the Lan clan, but his efforts are unappreciated, and the only thing he's allowed to help with is some basic talisman that any junior can do. He can't leave because he doesn't want to shame the Jiangs and also doesn't have any money because Madame Yu negotiated his marriage contract to put him at a disadvantage. LWJ doesn't yet know how to defend WWX and doesn't go against his family, but he eventually realizes that he hasn't been a good husband and cries about it to LXC because he doesn't know what to do. In the end, WWX secretly tries to destroy Lan Yi's Yin metal and wad willing to sacrifice himself because it's the only thing he believes he is useful for, LWJ stops him and it ends about there.

FOUND? Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

17. Hiyaaaa I am back with another request hehe. It's where Wei Ying thinks that Lan Zhan is dead and then he dreams about Lan Zhan a lot during the 16 years of his punishment (because he turns himself in to the sects). But then he was invited to the Nie sect by Nie Huaisang and he actually meets Lan Zhan who is alive and he still thinks that he is dreaming and breaks down in front of Lan Zhan, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue and Lan Zhan looks at his brother with betrayed eyes because Lan Xichen hid the fact that Lan Zhan is alive from Wei Ying deliberately. Thanks!!!! @yilinglaobunny

~*~

18. Not sure if it was on AO3 or here on tumblr (although I have a feeling that the latter is more likely), but I'd love to re-read this fic where WWX (I think in MXY's body) staged Qin Su's death and got her safely out of KT and into CR. He then of course got blamed for murder before things were revealed. Thank you! 🖤🐇 @linderel

Yes, I think that's it! I may have been partially mixing up two fics in my mind but this is the predominant one. Even got lucky and hit the correct chapter on the first try, heh.

FOUND! Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX) I think that's one of the later plot points in Love Song in Reverse, by timetoboldlygo.

~*~

19. Fic Finder request please!

WWX dies via being thrown into a pit with some awful entity and comes back all wrong. I only remember this scene where he threw up Wen Chao’s sword or skull in the middle of a meeting? Idk which one and LWJ is just being super horny for him even though it’s clear that something is very wrong with WWX. I tried searching tags and I can’t find this. Plz help!! 😭😭😭

FOUND! You are what you eat by deliciousblizzardshark (E, 17k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Eldritch WWX, Horny LWJ, Body Horror, Possession, of a sort, Cannibalism, kind of, Mild Gore, Teeth, Fluff and Humor, Smut, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Monster sex, Switching, Light BDSM, Rimming, Self-Lubrication, Seriousness treated Crackily, Implied/Referenced Torture, Dead WWX, 🔒[Podfic] You are what you eat by irrationalpie) One of the best 3H - horny, humor, horror - in Fandom, a yummy 🤣treat😍

~*~

20.I’m looking for a wangxian fic where they are both ballet dancers and they are doing Matthew bourne’s all-male version of swan lake, and lwj and wwx dance it while having a debate about whether or not it is a gay romance. Thank you!

FOUND? space, skin, muscle, bone by tombenough_and_continent (T, 23k, WangXian, Modern AU, Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake, Non-Linear Narrative, Dance, Background SongXiao, background NieLan, a surprising amount of texting, gratuitous use of ballet terminology)

~*~

[linkons-most-wanted]

Diagnosing the LIs

This is just for fun! 💕 Not a serious commentary or diagnostic advice.

Zayne ❄️

Autistic, obviously

It's in the way he BLINKS, like, c'mon. They knew what they were doing.

Flat affect, dry sense of humor, others initially see him as cold/robotic, etc

Precise and deliberate in every aspect of his life

Has a set of consistent routines that are very important to him (including exercise and rest)

Sensory seeking through sweet food and physical intimacy.

Carrots are sensory hell--either weird and stringy or too mushy.

Special interests: MC (of course), Cardiology (especially application of Evol)

ETA: And he canonically arranges all the plushies by type and color.

Xavier 💫

ADHD - Inattentive

Literally daydreaming in the back of class when he's in school.

Constantly falling asleep / zoning out

Cannot remember the rules of Kitty Cards to save his life

Pretends he didn't hear questions he doesn't want to answer

Has an extremely loose relationship with showing up to work consistently / on time

Really able to enjoy the moment and take solace in the little things, day dreaming, etc

But when it comes to what he finds most interesting, i.e. training and battle, he's locked in

Rafayel 🐡

ADHD - Hyperactive

Implusive, e.g. walking off mid-conversation to go do whatever came to mind

Whines about being bored, looks to you for entertainment/stimulation

Hyperfocuses on painting and completely ignores Thomas/the world

Big, heartfelt emotions and mood swings. He can't help it--you make him feel a lot of things

Knee is constantly bouncing if you make him sit still for too long (idk if this is canon but it FEELS canon)

Sylus 🏎️

AuDHD

Frequently shifts hyper-focuses, always executing to a high standard but not sticking with the same thing for long. Weapons, jewelry, horse back riding, real estate investments...

Excellent pattern-matching is why his businesses are so successful. He can juggle a crazy amount of logistics at once.

The special interest that never fades is MC, of course

Rather than avoiding eye contact, makes overly intense eye contact

Did he miss a social cue or is he being playful on purpose? You'll never know.

ETA: I cannot BELIEVE I forgot to mention the sensory thing about hating bright light! And also collecting shiny rocks!

Caleb 🍎

OSDD 1B

Extreme example of having a "work self" and a "home self", though seems able to access memories from both states. Tendencies present since before the Toring chip (due to childhood trauma) but extremely exacerbated by the chip

Dissociation is adaptive--allows him to protect his vulnerable, sensitive self and still show it to MC while dealing with all of the everything

Puts his feelings aside and blocks them off, to a fault

His cheerfulness is just as genuine and heartfelt as his longing and concern 💕

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

The start of forever (USWNT x ADHD reader)

Sorry it's been a long time since my last post! Life got busy but I'm back (hopefully). This is the last part in the ADHD reader series, I might do some short fics in the future if people might be interested.

Enjoy!

Part: One, Two, Three, Four, Five

Words: 4k

Warnings: Suggestive

Just over a week had passed since the best day of my life. Ally and I hadn't gone on our honeymoon yet because of upcoming games, but between trainings, we managed a few days in a luxury hotel. We had spent a few hours at the spa, though we were mostly in our room either cuddled up watching movies, eating, or doing inappropriate things. It wasn't much, but it was enough to recuperate before the craziness of the next few weeks until it was time for our real honeymoon.

Unfortunately, it was time to leave our little bubble and return to training.

"How's married life Mrs Y/l/n?" Ali asked as I sat down next to her, a teasing smile on her face.

A small smile appeared at the mention of being married. It was still something I couldn't believe was real. "Honestly, it pretty much feels the same. I would say we feel more connected and never want to be apart, but that was the same pre-marriage. I do get a little burst of happiness or maybe excitement whenever I remember we're married. And I'm very excited about our honeymoon. It's been a while since we've had a good chunk of just us time. No work or commitments "

"You guys were always obsessed with each other before so I'm not that surprised. That feeling will stick around for a while I think. It did for me anyway. Have you got the photos yet? You both looked incredible so the photos will be amazing."

"Not yet, I think they will take another week or so. I'm not sure. Ally has been the one in contact with them. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's the organised one in this marriage."

"No really? Hadn't noticed that. You know, I'm so proud of you Y/n, you've come so far not just in soccer but in life as well. I mean look at you, you're married, with a great family around you."

My arms wrapped around Ali as I fought to keep my emotions in check. When I first met her and joined the national team, I never imagined I'd become so close to her—or anyone. At the time, I was focused on fitting in, doing my best, and earning my spot. Despite the age gap between us, Ali had become one of my best friends, a big sister of sorts. And even though I never saw it coming, I couldn't imagine my life without her in it now. "I love you, Ali."

"I love you too Kiddo."

"This is sweet and all, but if you're done being sappy we need to go out now," Emily spoke up interrupting the moment between us.

---

The team had decided to escape the hotel which meant everyone had decided to hang out at my house instead. I didn't get the point of going from one room to another in a different place, but they seemed happy so I wasn't actually complaining. Besides, my couch was comfier.

"Where's your wife? We miss her." That explains why they wanted to be at my house. They always wanted to hang out with Ally. At this point, I was sure they liked her better than me. I couldn't blame them, she was my favourite person too.

An involuntary smile made its way onto my face, a little over a month later and I still wasn't over the fact that Ally was my wife, "Oh I see how it is, you didn't want to hang out with me, you wanted Ally. Well you're out of luck. She had to go into the office today, she should be home soon I think."

"You guys go on your honeymoon soon right?"

"Yeah in like 3 weeks. Man, I can't wait, a week and a half alone with my wife in a secluded cabin surrounded by mountains. Sounds like heaven if you ask me."

"I don't even want to know where your mind is going."

I smirked, throwing a controller at Emily, "You really don't."

We were halfway through a FIFA match when the door opened. I quickly threw the controller to someone before rushing to the door. "Hi, my love."

Ally smiled tiredly, not fighting as I took her bag. "Hi, baby. Let me go grab the groceries real quick."

"No, I'll get them, you just go sit down."

Ally sighed, kissing my cheek, and hesitantly made her way into the living room. Once everything was inside and put away, I went to find Ally squished on the couch. When Ally saw me, she pulled herself up much to the dismay of the girls she was talking to, and pulled me into a tight hug. "I said hello to you guys already, it's my wife's turn now."

My arms tightened slightly at the words before I spoke quietly, "You okay love?"

"I am now. Just a long day."

Emily fake gagged, making us pull away with an eye roll, "You two are still disgustingly cute. How long do we think that lasts?"

"Knowing these two, probably forever."

---

"Ally baby, don't fall asleep. We're almost there."

"I don't think I'll ever get used to flying internationally."

We had landed a couple of hours ago and done all the needed errands in town before driving out to the cabin. It was Ally's idea because I had completely forgotten there was anything we would need for the week. "Probably not. I still haven't. We've got a week and a half of no work or training. So once we get to the cabin we can just chill for the rest of the day and hit the slopes tomorrow."

Ally smiled, kissing my hand before sitting herself up properly in the seat. "That sounds perfect love. Maybe a bath too. Because I think we should take as much advantage of the bath as we can while we're here."

"We really have to get you a bath. I'll make it happen for you one day."

"That would be the dream. We will make it happen."

Not even 10 minutes later, we arrived at the cabin and had the bags out waiting to be taken inside. Much to Ally's confusion, I stopped her before she could get inside and scooped her up bridal style. Ally squealed, arms wrapping around my shoulders, "What are you doing!?"

"Carrying my wife over the threshold. We were too drunk to do it on our wedding night then maybe I forgot so here we are."

"Charming as ever my love."

"You know it." I placed Ally down in the living room, leaving a lingering kiss before taking our bags to the bedroom.

We weren't sure if we'd even be able to go on our honeymoon at first due to game schedules. So we had held off on booking anything until it was finally confirmed I'd have the time off. There weren't many options at the time, but thankfully we didn't care where we stayed as long as there was a bath. That was Ally's only specification. Luckily, we managed to find a pretty nice place anyway. The cabin was a cozy, one-bedroom place with a simple, open-plan design. There was a comfortable-looking L-shaped couch, a few bean bags, and a fireplace. A window seat was placed in the perfect spot to see the surrounding mountains. It wasn't much, but it was perfect for us.

After we had put everything away, Ally went to sit down on the couch, but I stopped her before she could and pulled her into my lap instead. "You're trying to look romantic, but I know you are just trying to keep me from falling asleep."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because I know you. Also, I would have 100% fallen asleep. I'm sorry, I can't help it."

"There's no need to apologise love. I just know if you sleep now, you will struggle tonight. How about we cuddle for 10 minutes then go for a walk, have dinner, bath then do whatever we feel like? If you can deal with me after the flight that is."

Ally giggled, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and kissing me softly, "As insufferable as you can be stuck in a confined space for hours on end, I will always want to be around you. Why are we going for a walk?"

"We gotta explore the area at least a little bit before it gets dark. If uh that's okay of course."

"Of course it is. This is our honeymoon not just mine. Cuddle then walk sounds perfect."

---

Ally looked at me like I was crazy as I lay down in the snow, moving my arms up and down. "Babe! What the hell are you doing?"

"Snow angels. You can't be in the snow and not do snow angels. Come on, join me."

"No, it's cold and wet and I love you, but you're crazy."

I sat up, holding up my hand, "Okay fine, help me up."

Ally took my hand, and instead of letting her pull me up, I pulled her down into the snow. She let out a squeal and hit my shoulder lightly. "What the hell Y/n! You're such a little shit."

I straddled Ally's waist, peppering kisses across her face, "I'm not sorry either."

Her hands slipped under my shirt, making me shiver from the cold as they trailed up my side. "We could be doing this in a nice bed, or couch or even standing up, but you choose the freezing snow."

"I'll make you a deal. You do one snow angel with me and then we can go back to the cabin to make use of the nice bed or couch or even standing up, whatever you want."

Ally smirked, "Whatever I want huh?"

"Whatever you want."

"Deal. Bath and massage it is."

"Bu-"

Ally rolled off me, winking as she went, "Whatever I want remember."

Once we had finished the snow angels, I quickly got up, stopping Ally before she could. I snapped a few photos as she lay in the snow. Ally started doing random poses as I took a bunch of photos, some of which would have to be locked away as they boarded on R18.

She looked at me confused as I pulled her up out of the snow, "Why are you taking so many photos? You don't normally do that."

"Memories. This is one of those times that I want to remember forever." In reality, I was planning to get a photo book made of our honeymoon, similar to the one Ally made me for our anniversary. It wasn't something she would expect me to do. Photo books and albums had always been more Ally's thing.

---

Ally and I had been snowboarding together a few times since we started dating. Besides that, she was pretty new to it while I went pretty often with one of my friends growing up. It wasn't something I enjoyed very much at first. It was just a way to get away from my parents. Now I loved it and while Ally enjoyed it, I knew she still got pretty nervous before the first few runs. Despite the nerves, she was always willing to do whatever runs I wanted to because she knew I loved it. Just another reason she was my person.

"Just follow my lead," I encouraged, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze effectively stopping her fidgeting. As we boarded the ski lift, I couldn't help but steal glances at her. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and despite the nerves, there was a small smile present. She was gorgeous, I would never understand what I did to deserve a women like her.

"Always do. What's going on in that head of yours? You've got that far-away look."

"Just how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to be married to you."

"I love you." Ally was looking at me with so much love, that I couldn't help snapping a quick photo before she noticed. To this day I still got 'butterflies' whenever she looked at me like that. At this point I didn't think that feeling would ever fade or at least I hoped it wouldn't. With a simple look, she made me feel incredibly loved. I never wanted that to go away.

I always had Ally go in front of me, just for instances like these. Watching Ally go down just in front of me had my stomach dropping as I skidded to a stop next to her. Ally groaned, rolling over and giving me a thumbs up. I helped Ally scoot over to the side, making sure she was okay as we went. After making sure Ally was okay, I laughed loudly, snapping yet another photo of her covered in snow. "You're supposed to glide over the snow not eat it."

"Shut up miss professional athlete."

Ally took the hand I held out to help her up, but instead of standing up, she pulled me down into the snow next to her much like I had a few days ago. "You're not supposed to eat the snow you know?"

"Meanie."

Ally rolled over, kissing my cheek before a smirk appeared, "Paybacks a bitch baby. We should probably keep going."

"One more run then lunch?"

"Race ya." Ally giggled before taking off down the mountain.

---

"Hey Al, this weather forecast isn't looking very good and they've closed the field. It looks pretty crappy out there. We should probably just hang here today and see what happens."

"Yeah, I'm not going to complain about a day alone, cuddled up with my wife," Ally smiled, pulling me into her lap, leaving a few light kisses against my neck.

"You said it."

"Well you are my wife, aren't you? Or did I marry someone else without knowing?"

I wasn't a very jealous person, but the thought of Ally marrying someone else made my skin crawl. I scowled, kissing her deeply, the way I knew left her utterly breathless before whispering, "Don't even say that." Ally moaned quietly, trying to reconnect our lips, but I pushed her away gently. "Nope. Just for that comment, you have to wait. Let me go get some more wood just in case then we can play games or something."

"Jealousy suits you," Ally winked, "Or something sounds perfect."

"Horndog."

She shrugged, smacking my butt as I walked away, "What do you expect when you're walking around shirtless? Please put a jacket on before going outside though."

A few hours later, we lay tangled in the sheets watching TikTok on Ally's phone. My original plan was to take Ally out for dinner since the weather was supposed to get better but turns out all the roads were closed. I laughed a little as memories flooded in of this happening on our first snowboarding trip. At least this time we still had power for now. Ally looked at me confused, making me laugh even harder.

Once I managed to stop laughing, I explained why to a very confused Ally, "We have the worst luck when it comes to romantic snowboarding trips. All the roads are closed and we're stuck here for who knows how long. I've never been more grateful that you made us do a proper shop."

This time it was Ally's turn to laugh, making me laugh all over again, "Maybe this is a sign snowboarding for occasions isn't for us. Like seriously, the times we just went for a weekend everything was fine, but our first ever trip and our honeymoon, things go wrong."

"Or it's a sign that we do it more often and get trapped together."

"We can do that at home. I was thinking that our next holiday should be somewhere tropical. I love our snowboarding trips, but it's my turn to drag you somewhere hot."

"I think I can live with seeing you in a bikini."

Ally rolled her eyes at me, pushing me away gently and rolling out of bed. "Of course you can. I'm going to make dinner."

After about half an hour of scrolling through my phone, I dragged myself out of bed. Ally was still in the kitchen so I went to bring in more wood to last the night. Ally was pretty much always the one who cooked, she loved it and I hated it. In return I always cleaned up, did the chores she didn't like, and baked her whatever she wanted.

I wrapped my arms around Ally from behind, swaying gently as she stirred the sauce. Ally let out a soft giggle, turning down the heat before turning around, her arms resting on my shoulders. "You okay, love?"

"I got the wood in, then got bored," I replied, slowly moving us around.

She laughed, pressing her forehead to mine. "Man, I love you, Y/n."

"I'd hope so, seeing as you married me."

She flicked the back of my head lightly. "Oi, say it back."

"Say what?"

"Don't be mean, or you're sleeping on the couch."

"You couldn't handle that, and we both know it," I teased, pulling her closer. "But I love you, so, so, so, so much."

"My dork," Ally grinned. "We should roast marshmallows tonight."

I twirled her around before pulling her back into me, planting soft kisses along her jaw. "Marshmallows it is."

"Yessss I love roasting marshmallows."

"I know you do. How about this: you have a bath, I make brownies, then we roast marshmallows?"

Ally's face fell a little. "You're not having one with me?"

"Not tonight," I said, smiling apologetically. "I want to, but I've got a surprise for you, and I need time to set it up. You have your bath, and I'll have a surprise waiting."

She let out a dramatic sigh before she smiled again. "I can accept that this time, only because I love surprises. Now, I love you, but if you don't let me go, we're having burnt sauce for dinner."

After dinner, Ally went to have a bath while I quickly made some brownies and cleaned up. Then moved on to the idea that I wanted to surprise her with.

By the time Ally emerged from the bathroom, the living room was dark, the fire and a few scattered candles casting a soft glow around the room. There was a platter of marshmallows, chocolate, strawberries, and brownies laid out on the coffee table in front of the fire. Ally looked around, smile widening when she saw the blanket fort in front of the fire. "What's all this?"

"Just a little something I thought you would like."

"You chose this over a bath with your wife? I would be offended if I didn't love it."

"Yeahhh, I saw it on TikTok earlier and got fixated on it."

"That's my girl." Ally left a lingering kiss against my cheek before carefully making her way into the fort and settling among the blankets. Ally's eyes sparkled with happiness as she looked around the fort "Gotta say it's pretty impressive, miss fort builder."

"It's Mrs fort builder to you," I said, feigning a scowl that just made Ally grin wider. "Thank you, I've got a lot of fort-building experience. It's a crucial skill in life."

She snorted, unable to hide her grin as she pulled me down with her. "Clearly. And what exactly are we doing in this fort?"

I settled in beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist as I peppered her face with kisses. "Roasting marshmallows, of course, eating brownies, and I don't know... I'm sure there's some way we could entertain each other."

Ally arched an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at her lips. "Entertain each other, huh? And how do you propose we do that? Because, if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, I don't think I can go another round after earlier."

I chuckled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear before pressing my lips to hers in a deep, lingering kiss. When we finally pulled apart, I grinned. "I'm sure we'll figure something out. We have all those games on the shelf. Maybe a board game night? We haven't had one of those in ages."

Ally pretended to think about it, but I knew she loved game nights just as much as I did. In our early days, that's what a lot of our date nights consisted of. Over time they dwindled as commitments got in the way, but when they did happen, it was special in a way.

"First, though," I added, nudging her nose with mine, "Marshmallows. Because I don't want to see your pout if we don't do it."

So that's exactly what we did. We roasted marshmallows over the fire, though Ally had a habit of catching hers on fire, laughing as she waved them around trying and failing to save them. Ally's smile and laughter were so full of happiness, that I couldn't help but join in.

We spent hours playing random games, arguing over rules and jokingly accusing each other of cheating. I took so many photos, honestly probably too many. There were shots of Ally, of the blanket fort, of the two of us together. I had no idea how I was supposed to pick which ones to put in the photo book, but I would never complain about having more photos of Ally.

The night was peaceful, safe, and fun. There was no stress, no worries, no commitments, it was just me and my person. Honestly, if we never left this cabin, I think I'd be perfectly happy with that.

---

I turned to Ally, propping myself up on my elbow to look at her. She was tracing lazy patterns on the back of my hand. Games and food were long forgotten and the fire almost out, but I couldn't bring myself to get up to put more wood on. Maybe the last few days hadn't gone to plan with us being stuck inside, but as long as I was with Ally, it didn't matter.

"You know," I said, my voice barely more than a whisper, not wanting to disturb the peace. "I really like being stuck with you."

She smiled, lacing our fingers together, "Good because you married me. I also really like being stuck with you, too. Even though I know you hate being stuck inside for so long."

I laughed quietly, shaking my head. "Normally yes, but I'm actually not struggling that much this time. Maybe cause it's our honeymoon or because I've never been more in love with you than I am right now. Right here with you, I'm content, I'm happy and I can't wait for our life together. Something tells me it's going to be incredible."

Ally ran her fingers across my jaw, eyes shining with unshed tears. Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke, "I-I love you Y/n. It's silly, but I love it when you get like this. You always make me feel so loved, but when you look at me like that and say the sappy things you just did, it's like a whole other level. You make me feel so incredibly important."

"Ally, you are the most important person in my life. My team or family I would say, are incredibly important to me, but that's nothing compared to you. I meant everything I said in my vows. You are my everything, my world."

She blinked a few times, her hand coming to wipe a tear away, but I beat her to it, leaving a soft kiss in its wake. "You're determined to make me cry aren't you?"

"Maybe. I'm determined to make sure you know how much I love you every single day for the rest of our lives."

"I already do. You make me feel like the luckiest person in the world. I love you so damn much."

"I love you, Ally."

We stayed like that for a while, nothing else being said as we just enjoyed being cuddled up against each other. Being with Ally was easy. There was no pressure, no expectations. Just us, wrapped up in blankets, in each other. And honestly, it was perfect. Any lingering doubt I had that I wasn't enough for her, about not being the wife she deserved, faded away. And for the first time in my life, I truly felt like I had everything I needed, right here, right now. With Ally by my side, I knew that no matter what happened in life, I would be okay.

[urautismdiagnosis-wistie]

Kwazii And Tweak Dynamic Headcanons

<rough sketch sorry lol>

@traumatizedartist

They are ✨SIBLINGS✨ to me-

EDIT: I forgot to mention that I'm 1000% sure neither one remembers to do their laundry all the time so they totally steal eachothers clothes 😭

The big sister of thr octopod and our tiny daredevil gremlin?!!

cmon yall remember the earlier seasons though 🥺 hed crash a gup or sneak out in the middle of the night drive the gup b (and she always woke up whenever he left she has that rabbit hearing)- she has the Big Sister Authority, she just let's you use the gups 😔🙏 u better be grateful kwazii

Him KNOWING he'd be in so much trouble when he snuck out to *try* to teach shellington to drive-

(They canoncially ended up both crashing after shellington imitated kwazii CRASHING and then shellie was like "owh no! We should call tweak :o"

and kwazii immeditaly yelled out NO-i I i mean we can do it ourselves! Its fine! <:] no need to tell tweak matie"

Not to mention he looks up to her and calls her a genius???

Tweak loves this little guy and his antics though 😭 she loves to see him happy but she's really the type to either encourage the mischief (like girl we all know u did not need to make flying fish mode really ans truly u did that for the silly cat) or be the one yo get him into trouble 😭

He def doesn't crash the gups like before, but I feel like at a certain point she absolutely made him help her. I headcanon that he actually started helping her alot more with repairs and etc as time went on, hes not some engineering genius but he can help

They're also both so proud of eachother and trust eachother so deeply, esp in The Ring Of Fire where they both had to escape the flooded (and on fire???) Underwater base that tweak used for big gup repairs and upkeep

Tweak loves old classic games and kwazii never really had too much exposure to popular media, unless u count his comics lol, I feel like autism meets adhd with them yk? U can't convince me that tweak wouldn't have introduced him to sonic the hedgehog and that he wouldn't have LOVED it

They have banter and inside jokes and they know eachothers habits and needs yk?

They look out for eachother, whether its trying to prevent the other (kwazii cough cough) from getting into trouble or being the one willing to risk their own safety to make sure the other is ok 🥺

Also for my own au kwazii did spend a considerable amount of his teen years alone, meanwhile tweak just has the autism where u do not know how to "live normally and properly take care of urself"

They both have atrocious sleep schedules me thinks, with kwaziis adhd making him be up at random hours and tweak falling deep into the rabbit hole (pun INTENDED)of engineering and working

I think he helps remind her to take care of herself without any judgement you know

Tweak is the type of person to not judge anyone either and just hear you out i think and kwazii seems like the type who would go waddle in a seamp for hours to dig out the necklace you lost just so u could be happy

So yes they love eachother and they mean the world to me 🥺

Kwazii is just so excited about everything this woman does lol, and she's like oh God this guy really is somethin and I think thats great

Shes just like sure hun to him yapping for 3 + hours about his idea to add fcking canons or some sht to the gups as she's welding stuff together

Also I think kwazii would be a decent mechanic for the gups after all the years of practice with tweaks supervision and teaching i mean he has whole mini pirate ship replicas in jars for crying out loud, as long as he can keep his brain engaged i think he has the ability to do precision work and repairs, esp since he did sail on his own by himself for years anyways

Woods pretty different from metal but tweak is patient with him, even if her "oh u fcked up" glare (and the weight of its consequences) could absolutely smite you on the spot

I might be forgetting some stuff but yall see the vision right, but lmk yalls headcanons n all that lol

ALSO ANY CULTURAL HEADCANONS I HAVE ABOUT TWEAK IS OBJECTIVELY CORRECT CUZ IM FROM THERE TOO ( I'm joking lol people can have different opinions duh, but fr i just i feel connected to her in my soul 🥺)

(Like girlie kwaziis room is better than yours, why the fck don't u have a dresser but instead just a whole *ss kitchen table? Not bed frame, no decent lighting, repair parts on your floor its a mess- like i feel you tweak I've been there, but bbg its been years and im sure the other crew members have talked to u about this, atp its a CHOICE and honestly continueing to live like that is real)

[dustmusings]

oldest trick in the book

Hardcase x F!Reader

word count: 3.4k

description: you've been secretly pranking hardcase as payback for a prank he pulled on you, but this time he catches you in the act

warnings/tags: friends to lovers I suppose, hardcase is a smug little shit at the beginning & a little bit adhd-coded, reader is described as shy/anxious and potentially also neurodivergent in some way but I wasn't writing it to be like that on purpose am I telling on myself? I feel like this is very cheesy lol

a/n: alright. I wouldn’t say this is my best work but I just needed to get it out of my system. this definitely took a more sweet turn than I was anticipating, probably because I didn't plan it at all and just pulled it outta my ass. I blame @ghostymarni making me thirst for this man to a concerning degree

masterlist | join my taglist | read on ao3

Perhaps if anyone knew what you were doing, they’d think it was weird, and honestly, maybe it was.

You tiptoed into the barracks, your footfalls light and ear reaching out in search of any noises. You knew there shouldn’t be anyone in here at this time, but it didn’t stop you being cautious. After all, that was how you had kept this operation going so long.

Not entirely sure which bunk was the one you were searching for, you tried to look for any identifying items. A pack of smokes? He didn’t seem the type. Hairbands? Definitely not, that one most likely belonged to Tup. A pile of laundry? Could well be his. Among other things, you knew Hardcase could be messy, something you had picked up on in your time studying him, figuring out his daily routine. It was much the same as the other clones, naturally, but in watching him you’d realised just how different from them he was.

As strange as this all sounded, you didn’t start it. At least, that was how you rationalised what you were doing.

Hardcase was a known prankster aboard the Resolute. Him and a few of his brothers, namely Fives, filled their spare time by terrorising the rest of the crew, and you were not immune. You had been burned by them on several occasions, and the most recent was a tipping point for you.

That time, it had been just Hardcase, and he had made you look a fool in front of your employees. You were the head technician aboard the venator, and standing in front of your team, giving a briefing without being privy to the ‘kick me’ sign stuck to your back, was not something you had been pleased about. It was especially irritating as you were still relatively new in the role at the time, and to have your leadership put into question, being a little shy to begin with, did more damage to your confidence that Hardcase probably realised.

So, you had been pranking Hardcase back. They weren’t so much proper pranks as harmless inconveniences for him, but in any case, it was a satisfying form of payback. Most of the time you’d steal his things only for them to ‘turn up’ in the strangest of places, none where you could be implicated, and other times you arranged little situations designed to embarrass him.

The only problem with that was that he refused to be embarrassed, and honestly you admired him for it. His ability to brush off jokes at his expense was commendable, and made you feel like a spiteful cynic for reacting in the way you had to his admittedly innocent prank. Though, you were having too much fun with it now to stop. You knew you were safe from him suspecting you, considering he probably just saw you as the quiet ship tech who he liked to bother when he was back on the Resolute, and he was yet to mention it if he did.

So here you were, rifling through the drawers beside his bunk for something you could steal or use to your advantage. You opened the final draw and your lips curled into a grin as you saw the only item inside: his music player and headphones. You had stolen them before, and remember him being particularly irritated about it, more so than at your other exploits.

You were so caught up in your glee at finding the player again that you didn’t register that someone had entered the room. The pile of dirty blacks should’ve been a clue really, but when someone cleared their throat and you whipped around, finding Hardcase himself with just a towel slung around his waist, you couldn't help but gawk.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his suspicion as obvious as his amusement at your flustered state.

Your hands were behind your back to hide the almost stolen item, your eyes fighting to keep away from his bare chest and failing miserably. You had no idea that his tattoos stretched down his chest, and the way they dipped beneath the edge of the already dangerously low towel had your mind reeling.

“Nothing, just a— it's a routine check” you finally peeped out, trying to sound casual. You had never been good at lying, and you could tell that much was obvious to Hardcase by the way his lips twisted in a smirk.

You quickly darted for the door, the offending item still behind you back to not get caught. You knew the jig was going to be up soon enough, but you didn't feel like answering for your crimes while he was only wearing a towel and you couldn't keep your eyes on his. Unfortunately, Hardcase had other ideas.

He reached out, blocking the exit and causing a small startled yelp to fall from your lips. Your eyes trailed along the toned arm that stopped you from leaving, lingering on the tattoo that circled his bicep, and finally making your way up to his face.

“A routine check?” he spoke, smirking broadly at you, “mesh'la, we both know that's well beneath you”

“Well, I like to know what's going on aboard my ship” your voice was wavering and you internally cursed yourself for letting him get to you like this.

He leaned in a little, his voice dropping fractionally, “you need to know what's going on in my bunk specifically?”

Hardcase had always had fun toying with you, even outside of the pranks. When he'd seek you out during his moments of respite and natter away, telling you a great many things about his most recent deployment, he'd always find a way to gently push your boundaries, not enough to make you uncomfortable, but just enough to get you flustered. It was low hanging fruit really, with you being so shy it was so easy to make you blush, as you knew you were now.

“I— it wasn't just— I was—” you shut your mouth, just looking up at him not knowing how to explain yourself without some kind of confrontation.

Hardcase stared back, his gaze appraising and amused. He nodded behind you, “what have you got there?”

Your eyes went wide, “nothing! It's like I said, just doing some checks”

You knew you were bright red, betraying your lies even further than your shaky and stuttering voice, and you had to look away from him. He took the opportunity to quickly reach around you, taking back his property and holding it above his head so you couldn't seize it again, even though you tried to. He was much taller than you, it was helpless.

“Ah, my player, you know this has gone missing be—” his eyes thinned as he looked back at you.

You rocked back onto your heels and clasped your hands together, looking up at him innocently. You knew you were caught now.

“…Before” he finished the thought and his eyes widened, “you're the one who's been stealing from me?”

You were surprised to see that he was grinning as he said it, and it only unnerved you more.

“No! I don't do that sort of—” you tried to argue your case, but he wasn't having it.

“And yet here you are… stealing”

You looked away, your face aflame, and uncertain of how to get out of this situation. Before you could figure it out, you felt his hand on your chin, tipping your face back his way.

“I must admit, I'm impressed” He said as he looked down at you with a thoughtful expression.

“Impressed?” you practically squeaked, unsure what direction this was going in.

“Mhm” he hummed as he ran his thumb over your chin, “I didn't realise you were so… devious”

You didn't say anything, but one side of your mouth quirked up on instinct. His gaze flicked down to watch it happen and then he peered back into your eyes, mischief swirling within his own.

“You know, you owe Jesse an apology” Hardcase said, towering over you even more as he stepped into your space, and you frowned a little, not understanding his words. “I called him a thief and said he was stealing my stuff, started watching him more closely”

You were entirely captivated by him, hanging on his every word, and it was as much a shock to you as it was amusing to him. He was still holding your chin and with his proximity to you now, your head was tipped back to look up at him.

He gripped you tighter with a calculating smirk, “Only… you were the little thief I should’ve had my eye on”

You gulped, the deep baritone timbre he was employing evidently having its intended effect, and rendering you speechless.

“Better watch your back, mesh'la”

You didn't know what that word meant, he’d said it to you before, but that was no comfort as he left your space and went back over to his bunk, placing down the items you had tried to steal. Still rooted in your place and watching him, he hooked his thumbs into his towel, and smirked at you once again when he noticed you standing there.

“you're not gonna try steal my towel too, are you?”

At that point you scrambled from the barracks and back to your own quarters, too embarrassed to do anything dignified.

It had been so long since Hardcase had caught you in the act, that you'd forgotten just how long it had been.

You'd kept your eye on him ever since, and watched out for incoming pranks every moment of every day, but nothing had happened. Hardcase went on like he hadn't even caught you that day, continuing to throw small adulations your way as he passed you by in the corridor, occasionally sitting by you in the mess hall, coming to irritate you when you were working late. Though, unfortunately for you, it wasn't so irritating anymore. Maybe it never had been.

While you were weary of incoming tricks, his presence was such a simple joy that you didn't mind it at all. It was often soothing in a particularly strange way. You didn't speak an awful lot, but Hardcase would fill the silences with stories of his time in deployment, telling you about the tricks that him and his brothers had got up to. The friendship between you worked well because of it. He didn't mind that you were quiet, and in fact seemed to respect you more for it.

You were working in your office, sat on the floor with a cup of caf balanced dangerously on your knee as you tinkered with your malfunctioning datapad. You would be sat at your desk, but the mess that was atop it made doing any sort if work difficult. Besides, you preferred working on the floor, it made the work feel less tedious.

The door slid open and Hardcase strolled in, as if the office were his own, and he walked over to your position with a grin on his face. Without a word he sat down opposite you, cross legged to mirror your posture, his knees almost touching yours as he grabbed the mug of caf from your knee and took a sip. He placed it down on the floor as you eyed him suspiciously.

This behaviour wasn't abnormal for him, and you didn't mind it, but you were still suspicious of any incoming pranks. Your eyes roved his body, looking for anything unusual, but you found nothing. His expression was amused, watching you evaluate him.

“What?” you asked, giving him an uneasy look.

“What?” he asked back.

You narrowed your eyes at him. He wasn't usually bugging you at this time of day, usually he came by during the evening, but right now it was early in the morning. You had gotten up before everyone else to finish up a personal project; fixing your datapad. It had been on the fritz for a few days and it was starting to affect your workflow.

“Why are you awake?” you asked, looking back down to your datapad and flipping the tool in your hand to access a new angle.

You saw him shrug in your peripheral, “why not”

“As good a reason as any, I suppose” you muttered, your focus more drawn to your work than him.

He began tapping his foot gently, watching you as you worked. It was more of a comforting rhythm than a distraction, but you noticed it all the same. Then it stopped, as if he'd been thinking and come to a conclusion.

“Tell me something mesh'la” he spoke quietly, and your gaze snapped up to his, “have you been watching your back like I suggested?”

You frowned, suddenly very unnerved, “yeah, I suppose so”

“You've been watching me? making sure I'm not up to anything” he asked, the hint of a smirk lifting one side of his lips.

You were hesitant, but you answered, “yeah”

He hummed, nodding a little, “and what have you noticed?”

“Nothing”

“Nothing? Mesh'la, I'm hurt” he pouted, his hand rested over his heart, mockingly upset.

You huffed, unimpressed, “stop saying that, I don't know what it means”

In a distinctly agitated manner, you continued on tinkering with your device. Hardcase tipped his head so that he entered your field of view, trying to gain your attention.

“Come on, humour me”

Your eyes flicked up once again, and the look he was giving you made your stomach flip. His smile seemed genuine, so you put down your datapad and tool, clasping your hands together in your lap and giving him your undivided attention.

“I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary” you said honestly, looking for an indication of what he might have done in his reaction.

His eyes narrowed a little, sending you an almost puzzled look, “then what is the ordinary?”

“I don't know…” you trailed off, the response somewhat of a default, but Hardcase looked strangely interested, “I don't need to tell you what you do ordinarily”

He chuckles, “maybe not, but go on anyway”

“Okay…” you gave him a strange look, not understanding why he wanted you to report your findings about his everyday routine. You thought for a moment, looking down to your fiddling hands, “well, you… you’re always more excitable right before meal times, just because you have more energy then. You use your music player when you've been around your brothers for a long time and they're being loud. You sometimes shy away from things if you've said you're going to do them, but otherwise you're impulsive. Uh— not that that’s a bad thing. You're… more focused than your brothers give you credit for, at least, when you are focused it's—”

You halted when you looked up, Hardcase’s expression was so tender that you were startled into silence for a moment.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you asked hesitantly, your body recoiling unsurely.

“You already knew all that stuff about me before I said to watch your back?” his voice was quiet, quieter than usual, and everything about his demeanour made you put your guard up further.

“Yeah, I mean I—” you stopped, eyes widening as the credit dropped, “wait…”

Hardcase’s lips lifted into an amused smile, though it was no less genuine.

“This was the trick, wasn't it?” you gestured vaguely in the space between you, “getting me to watch out all the time?”

He huffed a small laugh as his grin grew, “maybe, I figured you might torture yourself trying to figure out where it was coming from, so I just let you get on with it”

You shook your head in disbelief of your own foolishness, a light scoff passing your lips as you looked back down to get on with fixing your datapad. You really should have thought of that, but the more you let your mind dwell on it, the more you realised it was the perfect prank for someone as anxious as you.

You heard your name called before you could pick up your datapad once more, letting your eyes wander back to the man before you.

“I don't—” he paused, mouth twisting as if holding himself back before he found the right words, “I didn't know you… knew all that stuff”

“Well, it's just— no one pays attention to me, so it's easy to move around unnoticed” you shrugged nonchalantly, “it was pretty easy to figure you out”

“My brothers haven't figured out half the stuff you just said” he pointed out, his smile bordering on a smirk.

You scoffed quietly, “they're just not paying attention then”

“And you are?”

“I—” you then realised what he was really saying, what he had been saying, or trying to imply. You had to look down with the way a rosy tint spread across your cheeks, mumbling a reply, “I don't know, maybe”

Hardcase leaned forwards, resting an elbow against his knee as he tapped your chin gently, urging you to glance up at him once more. He was a lot closer than he had been, his face only a few inches from yours now, but you didn't back away.

“I did notice you, for the record” he said gingerly, his tone far more reverent than you were prepared for, and your insides constricted at the sound.

You waited for him to continue, make himself clear; you didn’t want to misinterpret what he was saying. Looking between his eyes to try and search for his meaning yourself, he let a small smile lift one side of his mouth to give you a more subdued version of his usual lopsided grin.

“I noticed you watching me, I just didn't know why”

You tilted your head to the side, “why didn't you say anything?”

“Didn't want to get my hopes up” Hardcase shrugged.

A frown creased your brow as you tried to understand, “I don't— um…what?”

He chuckled, the sound so warm and inviting that your heart skipped a beat, “I guess I hoped you were watching me because you were… interested in me, or something”

As his eyes darted to the side, his hand curling around the back of his neck in a sheepish manner, you saw the way his cheeks bloomed with colour, his eyes a little wide as if he'd said something he shouldn't have. You had never seen him act so bashful, and something about it made your stomach erupt into butterflies.

“And if I was?”

“What?” his eyes snapped back to yours, growing even wider.

“Interested in you” you clarified.

Hardcase's mouth hung open slightly, and you couldn't help but let a gentle smile curve your lips at his almost shocked expression.

“You are?” he was now grinning, his voice a whisper of disbelief.

You nodded tentatively, and his hands reached forward to grab you. A squeak left you at the sudden motion, and you had been pulled into his lap before you could even comprehend what's going on. His grin was enough already, but the steadfast grip he had on you made any self-discipline you had crumble into nothing.

“Mesh'la…” he whispered the foreign word as his eyes trailed the lines of your features, his fingers gently brushing across your cheekbone and resting his palm against you.

You offered a fake pout, and he chuckled, running the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip, “sorry, can't help it”

He didn't seem very apologetic at all, and as much as it drew a laugh from you, it made your intrigue grow. The words were almost on your lips, to ask what the word meant, but Hardcase got there first.

His lips captured yours with an eagerness and fervour that made your heart implode, beating against your chest and his as his arms snaked around your waist and pulled you flush against him. It was good really, that he held you so tightly and kept you rooted in place, otherwise you may have melted into a puddle as his ardour thawed any of the apprehension within you.

You pulled away, unable to hold yourself back from asking, “what does it mean?”

“what?” he blinked at you, his expression almost worried at your sudden departure from his lips.

“Mesh'la” you clarified.

“Oh” he broke out into a grin, rubbing his nose against yours as he chuckled lowly, “I'm not telling”

You huffed with a frown but he just smiled broadly at you, his eyes shining with the usual lick of mischief. Of course he was still going to find a way to toy with you, even now. You shook your head and brought your lips back to his with a fond smile, and he melted against you, a blissful hum sounding in his throat and rumbling through his chest.

taglist: @darthnihila @cdblake1565 @heidnspeak @burningnerdchild @orangez3st

[creativecupcake]

Oh Goddess Beyond Part 2

Warnings: None really other than bad google translate for Rook and a mention of Autism/ADHD.

Chapter 2: The Realm of Rest and First Sight

Part 1 , Part 3

It had been about a month since Yuu’s status as Champion had been discovered. Within the first week Azul, Riddle, Vil, and the staff had created an airtight contract for all the NRC staff and students to sign. With word that it had to do with the Goddess and her Champion, everyone was quick to sign. When Yuu was revealed to the masses and they mentioned working towards the Goddess’ return, the halls of Night Raven College echoed with cheers. Students worked together to get the school buildings prepared for her. Upon hearing their housewardens and others mentioning that the Goddess herself directed them to classes and practices, students began to pour their all into their studies, sports, and club activities. While students still butted heads over various topics, the situation had actually brought the college together. It had even become a bigger source of pride when someone had mentioned that THEY had been chosen over their rival school, Royal Sword Academy.

During the month the Housewardens had met with staff and other selected students to investigate the magic mirror in Ramshackle.They had managed to confirm the mirror was acting like a door and had a strong tie to the Goddess. Staff like Trein and Crowley had reached out to other institutions to ask for historical records or older tomes of spells. While Housewardens like Leona, Kalim, and Malleus had reached out to their family or national libraries. Students and staff had kept up with lectures and classes, but many subjects had been shifted to aid with all of the work for a portal. Most of the students were glad to follow their contract, but some had tried to let it slip to outside sources. And, oh, if you thought Azul’s contracts were strict before… not like anyone would argue with the punishment. This was for their Goddess, everything had to be perfect!

On Yuu’s end, he felt so conflicted. He’d come to feel a much greater connection Twisted Wonderland as the days passed, and while he didn’t have magic himself he did feel the pull of magic all around him. He’d slowly been regaining memories of Amira and what seemed to be his family, though they all seemed to be of his childhood. As he gained more of himself he’d actually begun working with Vil, Rook, and Jamil (with Kalim’s credit card) to find more of his personal style as well as remodeling Ramshackle based on what he’d remembered of Amira’s preferences. Yuu felt more and more like he fit within his own skin but the hole in his chest that ached for his best friend was growing. He would dream about her smiling, speaking comforting words, holding him as he cried. She was his home, she was what he had previously been so desperate to return to. Yuu once again found himself playing with the charm tied to his braid. Smiling, he remembered Amira giving it to him, telling him she made it with her own hands as she revealed she had a blue one. 

(A quick doodle to get my ideas for Yuuto down. I will be posting this and one without his jacket separately later.)

Yuu glanced around the main parlor of Ramshackle, all of his friends scattered around, doing one task or another.

“I did it…” Idia’s statement cut through the chatter of the room. “I did it!” His flaming hair seems to jump to life as he and Ortho raced up to Yuu’s room. Everyone quickly scrambled to follow, of course fighting over who would be first. Reaching his bedroom Yuu found the Ignihyde duo connecting a large monitor to the magic mirror.

“Shroud, explain,” Malleus cut in, glaring at the two. Everyone had been so nervous to even move the mirror, worried that any little thing could cut off the connection to the Goddess.

“Nii-chan and I found an ancient spell from the Isle of Woe archives! Back when the Goddess talked about communications and other technologies with the King of the Underworld she gave him a spell for a scrying mirror!” Ortho practically vibrated as he helped Idia hook up cords to the mirror. “Idia-nii found a way to connect a monitor to the mirror so we can see the Goddess!”

“W-well,” Idia giggled as he set the monitor up on a small table. “We haven’t found a way to physically bring her here yet, but we can see her and learn all we can to get NRC ready for the OP boss battle.” 

“Oi, Radish Sprout,” Leona eyed the oddly energetic duo. “You saying you can full on see into her Rest Realm all on your own, with just an old scrying spell?” 

“Well- I mean. Not JUST a scrying spell,” Idia seemed to shrink back, fiddling with a zipper on his jacket. “The spell, the mirror, a large source of magic, and Rook-shi’s signature spell.” 

“Oh! Mon Dieu, moi?” Rook dramatically gasped, eyes turning to him. 

“What’s so special about Umineko’s unique magic?” Floyd pouted, as he and some others glared at the smiling huntsman. 

“Oh! Rook’s spell helped us track the others to the Isle of Woe!” Epel chipped in, remembering just how scary Rook’s unique magic could be. 

“That’s right, we were able to track them even beyond the magic meant to hide the place,” Yuu muttered, glancing at the mirror with some hope. 

“Correct, you are Epel Felmier-san and Champion,” Ortho cheered, displaying a holographic screen. “Rook Hunt-senpai’s spell allows him to track others across great distances and behind barriers! Thus, getting him to focus on both the Champion and magic mirror will allow Nii-chan to direct a large amount of magic through the mirror and find the Goddess on the other side! Estimations give this plan a 97% chance of success!” That hit the room like a bomb. A true look at their Goddess. Ortho’s predictions were usually accurate and Idia was unparalleled in technomagic. 

“We have something that may help those odds!” Ruggie cheered, wide eyes looking at. Leona. 

“Oi, Ruggie-” 

“Think about it Leona! The old King of Beasts hunting spell!” Ruggie was starting to bounce in place, clearly getting excited. 

“Uh, that old clear sight spell,” Leona had a smirk slowly growing on his face. “All beastmen are supposed to be able to tap into our ancient ancestors and clear our sight for a hunt.”  

“Well, well, us Merfolk have something similar. A spell meant to guide us through the darkest depths of the seas.” Azul stepped in, Jade and Floyd at his side.  

“Updating calculations. Estimated at a 99.8% chance of success!” Ortho cheered.  

“We should gather the staff and make sure all preparations for the spells are as perfect as possible.” Riddle brought up. 

“Not to mention gathering all the merfolk and beastmen in the school,” Jack added, nervously rubbing his neck. “Not everyone will know the spells and needs to practice.” 

“We have books on such old spells,” Lilia brings up, motioning to the Diasomnia group. “There are old ways meant to focus the spells like spell circles.” 

“Yes,” Malleus smiled, his tail invisibly wagging. “I believe it would benefit us for Pomfiore to aid us in drawing the ancient spells, as they need to be done cleanly.” 

“Pomfiore has studied writing ancient spells before as they were quite elegant,” Vil nodded in agreement. 

“Oh! Oh!” Kalim burst in, before being pulled back by Jamil. “Scarabia has been studying the old star charts from the Sorcerer of the Sands! He found a constellation that helped him channel the Goddess!” 

“He’s right,” Jamil said, feeling like he’d grown a second head. “The constellation is meant to appear back in a week’s time.” 

“Then we have a week until we see her.” Yuu’s words left no room to argue, everyone getting ready to do their part. “We have a week to make all preparations perfect to find her.”

Arrow Afar!

A simple bedroom, on the smaller side. It felt cozy, comfortable, like home. A bed piled high with plush creatures and warm blankets, a small bookshelf littered with textbooks and papers, and hidden in the corner is a dress mannequin and a few bolts of fabric. It was so simple, but it felt more like home than anyplace they had ever been. Muffled voices could be heard a bit off, before a door opened and footsteps approached. 

“Oh there you are,”a honeyed voice said as the view changed. And there she was, beauty incarnate. The Goddess who was loved by so many. She was more than she’d ever imagined: warm round cheeks, moon-touched hair tied up in braided buns, and dark eyes that seemed to hide a rainbow of colors. She was gorgeous, but felt approachable; like she was pulling all those that saw her in. 

Sitting in the palm of her hand they saw her sit, close to their original position, a desk? What were they connected to? A mirror like on their end? No, she seemed to reach out to them and touch… something, and a transparent box opened in front of them. 

“Oh sweet Sevens, we’re in her phone!” Idia cheered, rambling in the background about what that could mean. 

“I suppose that makes sense,” Lilia began thinking aloud. “Scrying mirrors were an ancient phone in a way, and the Goddess did tell the King of the Underworld about her advanced technologies.” 

“Just look at how clean her skin and makeup are,” Vil choked, trying to keep his composure in front of the literal definition of perfection. 

“Oi! Her unique style is magnifique! It truly highlights her natural form!” Rook gushed while most of the freshmen looked away as her mesh top was a little on the revealing side. The room immediately cut to silence as the Goddess spoke again. 

“Now, let’s check on my boys today,” she said as the image of a mirror with a raven in the center appeared. The room stiffened, this was it! Her presence took over the whole school, even the dorm rooms felt her arrival. “Oh, Rook and Idia’s birthdays are this month, I should give them a little extra love.” Cut to the mentioned men freezing in place as they processed what was just said. “Let’s see, end of year exams should be coming up, so Ace and Deuce really need to get some extra lessons.” The duo couldn’t decide if they were happy to be her focus, or upset at being called out. “I should also send Kalim for some extra lessons so he can prepare and Jamil can rest for a moment.” Jamil knew in that moment he would pray to the Goddess ten times as much and make more offerings. “Spelldrive also has a match at the end of the year, so I’ll get Leona, Ruggie, and Epel to take some extra flight lessons.” 

Normally, when the boys felt compelled to take extra lessons they felt a warm air and a sense of encouragement, energy, drive, etc. But this time? This time it was so much more. It felt like warm arms were wrapping them in a hug as the Goddess’ own voice whispered encouragement in their ears. The boys that had been called out quickly went about to their destinations, happy to have the Goddess’ direct attention. The others would not admit it but they were seething with jealousy. 

“Finally I’ll give my SSR support Idia and SSR tank Ortho a little charge boost,” she said, tapping her screen a few times as the brothers felt a sudden swell of energy. 

“Energy output decreased by 78%, magic intake up 65%, booster speed and stabilization increased by 52%. Goddess given upgrades!” Ortho cheered as Idia hid behind his hood, a pink shade taking over his hair and face. 

“Now,” they turned back to the screen at the Goddess’ shift in tone. “Time for some work.” With that she set the phone down and they heard a sound like a bell. Luckily the phone was still facing her, now displaying that she sat in front of a dual screen monitor set up and keyboard. As it turned on she pulled out a set of plush headphones and an attached mic. 

“Hey everyone, hope you’ve all had a great day. We’re waiting for others to join in.” 

“Oh my gosh!” Idia screamed as he and Ortho almost leaped forward. “The Goddess is a streamer!” Idia didn’t need to seem more than the basics. He’d watched so many streamers so he was able to easily recognize a set up. 

“What does that mean for us?” Riddle asked, not really knowing much about social media culture. “Could this help us reach her?”

“Cay-cay can say for sure we can learn way more about her,” Cater called out, leaning against Riddle. 

“It’s true,” Vil cut in, as he examined the Goddess, her set up, and her environment. “Most streamers have quite the personal relationship with their followers. It would allow us to get a clearer view of her personality, her interests, her hobbies, and maybe even her desires for Twisted Wonderland.” That gave the remaining boys so many ideas. They paid close attention to her stream as she began, it turned out that she used a virtual model (a V-streamer as Idia pointed out). Her virtual identity looked similar to her, with a more ethereal outfit, a pair of glass wings, and a blue charm tied into her hair. 

She talked to her viewers as equals, discussing video games (cue Idia and Ortho cheering), her love of designing clothes and playing with makeup (Vil and Rook had a whispered discussion on this point), one fan even brought up how she was in school for business (happy octopus noises). Then a change in topic that they weren’t expecting. 

‘So have you gotten things ready for Rook’s birthday?’ 

“Oh yeah, I’m all ready! Have you seen this cute PJ set he has?” And with that a photo of Rook in his nightcap and vintage pajamas appeared on her screen. You could hear a pin drop in Ramshackle, before chaos erupted. The Goddess had pictures of them!? Who? What pictures? At what times? (Did they have makeup? -Vil) Even though she had called some of them out by name earlier, it seemed to finally be dawning on them what that meant. But that also led the chat down an interesting path. 

‘Rara-chan, who is your fave boy in Twisted Wonderland?’ This got everyone’s focus as they eyed one another.

“Oh, I don’t have a favorite guy.” Of course! Their Goddess was so fair and loved all her creations equal- “But I do have tops in certain categories.” Record scratch. Cue the competitive atmosphere. 

‘Oh? What categories do you have Rara?’

“So far my main categories are Most Beautiful (Vil starts sweating), Most Handsome, and Cutest. With a separate category for my goofy lil guys.” By this time the other boys had returned, with the staff in tow. “Most beautiful of course goes to Vil-” Vil was practically glowing with pride. “With Azul and Silver right behind.” Lilia cheered for his son as the tweels teased a very flustered octopus. 

“If we are talking most handsome is hands down Leona-” He tried to hide it but Leona was more than glad to hear he was number one to his dear Goddess. “With Jack and Jamil. All three of them are just such handsome men.” Jack’s tail was wagging a mile a minute while Jamil was trying not to pass out from the heat in his face. 

“Cutest is Epel,” Oh, the poor apple boy was so torn on how to feel. “I mean his fighting nature and accent make him even cuter.” Never mind, she likes his accent! “With Riddle and Kalim rounding out the top three.” Ah. Riddle’s face matched his hair and Kalim was happily chatting to Jamil about how both of them were in the Goddess’ favorites. 

“As for the last category, we have the goobers. The guys that I just love for their personality. That group is Rook, Floyd, and Lilia. The three of them just make me giggle.” Oh dear, Floyd should really not be picking fun at Jade, think we’re gonna have a brawl. All the mentioned guys were quite happy knowing that they held the Goddess’ favor, but those left out were shooting daggers. 

‘What about Malleus? Why isn’t he in your most handsome?’ 

“Huh? Oh, that’s more on me and my AuDHD.” Say what? Some like Riddle had knowledge about Autism and ADHD, but their Goddess had them? “When I categorize things I’m a bit more rigid than most. So boys like Malleus who is beautiful and handsome kinda can’t be top at either catergory.” Well that helped ease the tension Malleus had. “But now that I think about it Malleus would be at the top of another list.” Oh, so now we have a dragon acting like a puppy. “Malleus is really relatable to me, with his hyper fixation on Gargoyles and some of his trouble making friends, I can relate to it. Same reason I appreciate Jade’s love of mushrooms and understand Floyd’s quick mood changes. I mean I’ve got more than one hyperfixation and when the dopamine stops firing I can drop it so fast and move on.” They watched her lean back in her seat, looking a bit thoughtful. “It’s nice to be able to see someone who may relate to me.” 

‘What about your favorite teacher?’ 

“Uh. Well Crewel is really cool and it’s sweet to see him care for his ‘pups’. Not to mention I would adore getting to talk fashion and design with him and Vil!” Oh no. Stop! They are going to explode, stop praising them! “I also love Trein and how he takes charge of his students. Like when they had to deal with the…incident at Noble Bell, he took charge even though he was having issues. Plus I love getting to see such a loving father and husband. And he and Lucius look so refined.” Huh. Well Trein and Crewel are now trading words over who her favorite is. Please stop them before it gets worse. 

‘What about the staff over all?’ 

“Sam.” What? “I absolutely adore Sam and how he interacts with the other staff and students. Him and Azul sort of rivaling as business men-” Azul refused to look at Sam’s smug face. “Plus his sales events and seeing his crafty nature is adorable.” Trein and Crewel are now debating about teaming up to take on Sam. “I love all the staff at Night Raven though, they all really bring out the best in their students. Even if their students are a bunch of arrogant hard heads.” Oh, they loved that look, a proud smirk painting her lips, teasing twinkle in her eye. 

‘If you had to choose an absolute favorite boy tho?’ 

Groaning and rolling her eyes she glared at her monitor. “If you make me pick one boy, then the answer is obvious. Especially since he’s half of my favorite duo.” Favorite? Duo? Oh, the boys were spinning, thinking of all the duos that tended to pair up. There was Ace and Deuce, Kalim and Jamil, the tweels, Trey and Riddl- “Ortho!” Come again? “Ortho and Idia are peak cuteness and I love them being little menaces. I mean did you see Ortho’s shit talking when the guys were trying to get things done at the Isle of Woe?” Excuse me, what? “Ortho is such a cute lil bro and I love seeing him hype Idia up.” It seems that chat was just as confused as the rest of the guys as they looked at a self-satisfied Idia and a shining Ortho. 

“Ok, ok. One sec chat. I see you being mean to my boys but one sec. Lemme make a call and see what you think after.” None of them knew where she was going, but they would just get back at the Ignihyde duo later. 

“Hi hi Lana,” she started, greeting the second streamer (a chibi had appeared on her screen). 

“Hey Rara, what’s up? You normally don’t call during streams.” 

“Ok, so I’m doing a challenge with my chat. I’m going to describe two people to you. Could be anyone. And you tell me the first names that come to mind.” 

“Oooo. A challenge. I’m game girl!” 

“Ok. First one: Big brother, socially anxious, hates being out of his room. Will 100% stare at a screen 24/7 if allowed. Overprotective of his baby brother to a fault. Will talk shit the minute he feels in control or safe. Blue-” 

“Oh that’s Ghost!” 

“Ok. Next up: Little brother. Tiny, tiny baby. Cute but is willing to fight, especially if you mess with his big broth-” 

“Toast! I mean you made it so obvious making them a duo!” Lana laughed, cutting off the description. A tiny smile grew on her face. 

“For those of you in chat who don’t know Ghost and Toast are my babies.” Pictures of two blue grey cats popped up on her monitor. “Ghosty loves TV and video games, and Toasty loves to make bread and run around in his kitty wheelchair.”

(Reference for Ghost, Toast, and Toast’s wheelchair)

A cat’s trill came from somewhere in the room. Suddenly a pair of yellow eyes stared at the phone as Ghost jumped into his owner’s lap. 

“So I was right?” Lana joked. 

“Nope! I was actually describing Idia and Ortho from Twisted Wonderland.” A picture of the brothers popped up.

“Oh my gosh! It’s like a human Ghost and Toast! That’s so cool!” 

“Thanks Lana.” 

“No prob, Rara.” Lana hung up and chat returned to the screen. 

“I don’t really have a favorite person in all Twisted Wonderland, but I do have those I really like.” Ghost trilled again as he rubbed on the Goddess’ chin before staring at her phone again. 

‘That makes sense. But what about Yuu? They can be so bland, what do you think of them?’ 

Oh, that hit hard. Yuu had been almost like a passenger since they had been able to see Amira’s face. He’d been practically frozen in place, sometimes snickering as the others reacted, but focused solely on her. Grim had jumped into his arms, sensing his discomfort. 

“Yuu… Yuu is a difficult topic. It may just be me, and I may be projecting, but I see Yuu as the strongest and kindest person. Yuu isn’t a blank slate, and I see the world through their eyes, but I see them being the one helping all the others as best they can.” A yawn cut off her discussion and everyone realized that the sun seemed to have long set behind the woman. “I can get into my relationship with Yuu another day, but I have to call it a night. Remember to take care of yourself my little weasels.” With that she ended the stream, stepping away from the desk and leaving their sight.

Yuu wasn’t fully satisfied but to hear Amira talk so kindly about him eased the ache in his heart. Everyone began to mutter and discuss what they had learned before she returned to their view. By now she had changed into pajamas and was wrapping something around her hair. Grabbing her phone she crawled into the small bed they had seen. They could catch a glance of a tiny kitten on her bed before they were placed facing the ceiling. 

“Night Toasty.” 

And with that soft breaths took over the sound and all they saw was a dark room. 

“So what do we do now?” Leona lazily stretched out on the new Ramshackle couch as everyone gathered round. 

“Since we are in her phone I think I can get my technomagic to help us get into her computer and check that she’s doing alright in that world.” Idia and Ortho had been thinking of how to handle her technology since they had realized she used her phone to check on their world. 

“Well it’s obvious the one True Queen values our education and achievements since she is encouraging us to study,” cue glares at Ace and Deuce who refused to meet his eyes. “And we can’t keep an eye on her at all times, how should we handle this?” 

“I can get my friends on the other side and the ghosts to keep an eye on her at night. We all need to keep well rested if we plan to get her here in a timely manner.” 

“I think that’s best,” Trein agreed, clearly having been thinking over this issue. “All of us will need to work carefully and quickly to get the Goddess here in respectable time. The staff and I will create a rotating schedule between the dorms to keep watch.” 

“We also think it best that only Housewardens, their Vices, and other selected students should enter Ramshackle to keep watch on our Lady.” Crewel stood up to look the young men in the eye. “Others may fall weak to her beauty or give into temptation at being so close to perfection. We need all pups to be on their best to make sure nothing occurs before she arrives. All dorms will be kept in the loop and we will make preparations for her imminent arrival.” 

“We’ve already found a way to see into her world, now we just need to focus on getting there physically.” Yuu took over as they prepared to call it a night. “We can all see that she cares for us dearly and wants the best for us, so lets make sure she has the best upon arrival.”

And there’s my second Chapter! Hope y’all enjoyed. Kinda rushed getting a drawing of Yuuto to go with this but I had fun with his design, especially since I don’t really draw guys. Have fun reading and feel free to message me any questions about characters or the AU.

[ao3-quente]

SARUMAN AND THE TOBACCO PLANTATION (canonical!) SUB-PLOT

For a moment, let's contemplate the fact that Merry and Pippin somehow stumble across the best weed in the whole of Middle-earth in Isengard. Was this a small aside with no real payoff?

Of course not. This was JRRT laying the foundation for the final chapters of LOTR, the Scouring of the Shire, and the subject of today's ADHD hyperfixation LOTR deep dive.

1

Saruman has his fingers in many pies, but one of the most subtle is his plot to own the Southfarthing tobacco industry. We see evidence of this in Isengard when Merry and Pippin somehow find Longbottom Leaf from Southfarthing in Saruman's storehouses after the Ents destroy the orc holes there:

[Merry] produced a small leather bag full of tobacco. ‘We have heaps of it,’ he said; ‘and you can all pack as much as you wish, when we go. We did some salvage-work this morning, Pippin and I. There are lots of things floating about. It was Pippin who found two small barrels, washed up out of some cellar or store-house, I suppose. When we opened them, we found they were filled with this: as fine a pipe-weed as you could wish for, and quite unspoilt.’

Gimli took some and rubbed it in his palms and sniffed it. ‘It feels good, and it smells good,’ he said.

‘It is good!’ said Merry. ‘My dear Gimli, it is Longbottom Leaf! There were the Hornblower brandmarks on the barrels, as plain as plain. How it came here, I can't imagine. For Saruman's private use, I fancy. I never knew that it went so far abroad. But it comes in handy now.’

2

How did Saruman get hold of it indeed! Remember Sam looking into Galadriel's mirror:

Like a dream the vision shifted and went back, and he saw the trees again. But this time they were not so close, and he could see what was going on: they were not waving in the wind, they were falling, crashing to the ground.

‘Hi!’ cried Sam in an outraged voice. ‘There's that Ted Sandyman a-cutting down trees as he shouldn't. They didn't ought to be felled: it's that avenue beyond the Mill that shades the road to Bywater. I wish I could get at Ted, and I'd fell him!’

But now Sam noticed that the Old Mill had vanished, and a large red-brick building was being put up where it had stood. Lots of folk were busily at work. There was a tall red chimney nearby. Black smoke seemed to cloud the surface of the Mirror.

‘There's some devilry at work in the Shire,’ he said.

Why is there deforestation in the Shire, not six months after Sam and Frodo left Bag End? Has Saruman had dealings with Lotho and Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, to expand the trade of tobacco and its export from Hobbiton? Aragorn also finds this odd:

‘All except one thing,’ said Aragorn: ‘leaf from the Southfarthing in Isengard. The more I consider it, the more curious I find it. I have never been in Isengard, but I have journeyed in this land, and I know well the empty countries that lie between Rohan and the Shire. Neither goods nor folk have passed that way for many a long year, not openly. Saruman had secret dealings with someone in the Shire, I guess. Wormtongues may be found in other houses than King Théoden's. Was there a date on the barrels?’

‘Yes,’ said Pippin. ‘It was the 1417 crop, that is last year's; no, the year before, of course, now: a good year.’

‘Ah well, whatever evil was afoot is over now, I hope; or else it is beyond our reach at present,’ said Aragorn.

3

Toward the end of the book, the four Hobbits find out about the evil that is afoot. They encounter Saruman, who seems to be heading north and hints ominously of his connection to the Shire after asking for pipe-weed. Merry gives him some of the weed from Isengard, and Saruman slyly mentions that things in the Shire are 'less good' than Merry would like.

‘So you have come to gloat too, have you, my urchins?’ he said. ‘You don't care what a beggar lacks, do you? For you have all you want, food and fine clothes, and the best weed for your pipes. Oh yes, I know! I know where it comes from. You would not give a pipeful to a beggar, would you?’

‘I would, if I had any,’ said Frodo.

‘You can have what I have got left,’ said Merry, ‘if you will wait a moment.’ He got down and searched in the bag at his saddle. Then he handed to Saruman a leather pouch. ‘Take what there is,’ he said. ‘You are welcome to it; it came from the flotsam of Isengard.’

‘Mine, mine, yes and dearly bought!’ cried Saruman, clutching at the pouch. ‘This is only a repayment in token; for you took more, I'll be bound. Still, a beggar must be grateful, if a thief returns him even a morsel of his own. Well, it will serve you right when you come home, if you find things less good in the Southfarthing than you would like. Long may your land be short of leaf!’

4

What's happening to the pipe-weed crop for the Shire that there is not much of it in store? When the Hobbits and Gandalf stop by the Prancing Pony on the way home, Barliman also mentions the shortage:

‘That is just what we should like, too,’ said Gandalf. ‘[...]If you have any pipe-weed, we'll bless you.’

‘Well, if you'd called for anything else, I'd have been happier,’ said Butterbur. ‘That's just a thing that we're short of, seeing how we've only got what we grow ourselves, and that's not enough. There's none to be had from the Shire these days. But I'll do what I can.’

When he came back he brought them enough to last them for a day or two, a wad of uncut leaf. ‘Southlinch,’ he said, ‘and the best we have; but not the match of Southfarthing, as I've always said though I'm all for Bree in most matters, begging your pardon.’

Sam, Merry, and Gandalf all finally put together their suspicions:

‘I wonder what old Barliman was hinting at,’ said Frodo.

‘I can guess some of it,’ said Sam gloomily. ‘What I saw in the Mirror: trees cut down and all, and my old gaffer turned out of the Row. I ought to have hurried back quicker.’

‘And something's wrong with the Southfarthing evidently,’ said Merry. ‘There's a general shortage of pipe-weed.’

‘Whatever it is,’ said Pippin, ‘Lotho will be at the bottom of it: you can be sure of that.’

‘Deep in, but not at the bottom,’ said Gandalf. ‘You have forgotten Saruman. He began to take an interest in the Shire before Mordor did.’

5

The further into the Shire they travel, the more they find out that Lotho is, in fact, involved. First from one of the guard-hobbits, Hob Hayward, at the edge of the Shire:

‘Well now, what about a smoke, while you tell us what has been happening in the Shire?’ [Pippin] said.

‘There isn't no pipe-weed now,’ said Hob; ‘at least only for the Chief's men. All the stocks seem to have gone. We do hear that waggon-loads of it went away down the old road out of the Southfarthing, over Sarn Ford way. That would be the end o' last year, after you left. But it had been going away quietly before that, in a small way. That Lotho—’

And now we have it. Lotho and Saruman struck up a deal for Longbottom Leaf, and Saruman slowly infiltrated the Shire with more and more "ruffians" to keep the trade flowing.

6

Finally we hear the entire tale of it from Rosie's dad, Farmer Cotton, during the Scouring:

‘It all began with Pimple, as we call him,’ said Farmer Cotton; ‘and it began as soon as you'd gone off, Mr. Frodo. He'd funny ideas, had Pimple. Seems he wanted to own everything himself, and then order other folk about. It soon came out that he already did own a sight more than was good for him; and he was always grabbing more, though where he got the money was a mystery: mills and malt-houses and inns, and farms, and leaf-plantations.

‘Of course he started with a lot of property in the Southfarthing which he had from his dad; and it seems he'd been selling a lot o' the best leaf, and sending it away quietly for a year or two. But at the end o' last year he began sending away loads of stuff, not only leaf. Things began to get short, and winter coming on, too. Folk got angry, but he had his answer. A lot of Men, ruffians mostly, came with great waggons, some to carry off the goods south-away, and others to stay. And more came. And before we knew where we were they were planted here and there all over the Shire, and were felling trees and digging and building themselves sheds and houses just as they liked. At first goods and damage was paid for by Pimple; but soon they began lording it around and taking what they wanted.'

7

Then Saruman dies by Grima's dirk and Sam single-handedly gardens away every wrong done to the Shire, and pipe-weed is back in the hands of its rightful owners.

But Sam, Merry, Pippin, (Aragorn,) and Gandalf were right -- the pipe-weed of the Shire is inextricably bound up in a small dramatic sub-plot of its own, with greed, betrayal, Lotho, Saruman, all seeking dominion over THE HALFLING'S LEAF.

[lostintransist]

Falling Into Step While Falling Out of Line

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish Has ADHD

AO3

Johnny stared at the computer. Arms crossed, brows touching, jaw working back and forth, he stared. This fucking report needed to be done in an hour and he hadn’t started. The words were there, buzzing around in his mind. Trying to catch them and force them out through his fingers was like trying to catch minnows in the open ocean. The freeze response only captured him it wasn’t life or death.

The minutes ticked away. As each one disappeared behind a new number the tension in his spine mounted. It was as if his mind hid the switches he needed to flip to move. He would give anything for a gun to appear at his head. At least then he could bypass the maze of his mind.

When ten minutes remained for the report to be submitted without Price ramming a broomstick up his ass, Johnny found he could move again. Fingers flying across the keys he slammed out the report with seconds to spare as he smashed the submit button. Disgust watered his self-hatred. Why did this happen to him every time? All reports, washing his dishes, even remembering to shower without Simon nudging him into it.

Pushing himself up to standing Johnny slammed the inoffensive office chair under the desk. The daily drudgery of existence wore on him. Days when he wasn’t out on a job were harder. Jobs allowed him to focus, to simply be in and of the moment. Setting himself at a clip Johnny stalked across the base. The quagmire of his thoughts sapped at his will.

Slamming into a body he stopped moving.

His hands shot out to catch the person he had so rudely hit like a freight train. The civilian communicator with a bright smile. She smiled warmly up at him.

“Sorry about that, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” she took a step back, placing a respectable amount of space between their bodies. Johnny crossed his arms.

“Sorry lass, my doing.”

She waved away his comment.

“It’s fine. I actually have something for you,” she dug around in her pockets as Johnny waited.

When she found what she was looking for, a small sack with the drawstring closed tight, she held it out to him.

“And what is it?”

He unfolded his arm enough to accept the offering.

“Do you remember several months back we had a conversation about ADHD and how you seemed so surprised by all the things I mentioned were related to it?”

“Aye,” he dug his fingers into the fabric, separating the two sides.

“Well, I thought you might appreciate a gift.”

Johnny dumped the contents of the bag into his other hand. Four small oval pills spilled into his palm. He looked at him, uncomprehending.

He opened his mouth to ask but got cut off.

“They are a really low dose and should wear off in a few hours but if they help you can get in with Doc and get a prescription of your own, right? Let me know how it goes, I’m curious if it will help you as much as it helps me.”

She patted his arm as she passed him by. Johnny stared at the small pills for a moment longer before tucking them back into the small bag and shoving them deep into his pocket. It would take days before he could muster the bravery to try a single one.

❍❍❍

The day started bad and ended worse. Johnny woke to Simon being gone from their bed. All he had wanted to do had been to snuggle until he couldn’t feel his bones stabbing at him from the inside anymore.

He found no peace at breakfast, seemly everyone needed him before his tea had finished steeping. Morning drills went poorly, with one recruit having to visit medical for a broken jaw. By noon Johnny wanted to crawl so deep into the earth that the sun and everyone else would never find him. Instead, he pulled out a few guns that needed cleaning from the storage and began to break them apart.

The pills from the communicator lived in his pocket. He hadn’t told Simon about them. Unsure if he would try them, and didn’t want to deal with Simon’s too observant eyes on him. When a pistol sat disassembled on the table before him he paused.

What the hell, he thought to himself, why not try one?

He swallowed the pill dry.

With a shrug, he went back to his task. Picking up each piece and examining it for damage before wiping it clean and oiling the parts that needed it. Finished with one he set it to the side. As he began to break down the second gun he noticed his hands. He became viscerally aware of them. They moved with ease and a speed that almost shocked him. He had done this same task at least a thousand times and only now noticed that he didn’t have to think about each move of his hands. The flick of his eyes started to make him nauseous. Why were his eyes moving so fast?

Setting the barrel down with a clink Johnny stood abruptly. He didn’t have to think about standing. Looking internally he couldn’t have been more shocked if a grenade had landed in front of him. The bees were gone. The constant hum of thoughts and feelings and general nonsense had disappeared. Casting his eyes around him Johnny searched for something to fill the void in his brain. Finding himself alone he sat down again and finished his task. The ease of completing the cleaning and reassembly of the gun enraged him.

He had to think through every step of everything he ever did. The only time he could move on instinct had been on jobs; when his and everyone else's continued breathing rested on him being able to move before thinking. Tucking the guns back into their cabinet Johnny rested his forehead against the cool metal doors.

He had never seriously contemplated the fact he might have ADHD. His brain worked fast, oftentimes too fast for him to get ahead of and he ended up in some pretty bad situations as a kid because of it. Even now his mouth ran faster than he could stop most times. It was the reason he had been banned from so many important meetings. Asking generals if they are fucking stupid tends to not be received well.

Years of practice had given him the ability to let out just enough of himself. So much of his experience lived under the surface of his skin. Not even Simon knew the extent of how hard he worked to keep up with everyone else in the 141. That man held Johnny’s whole heart and he could still not find the words to tell him.

Tension started behind his sternum. Deciding he needed to move his body Johnny headed for the training room. He observed every person as he passed them, contemplating if they could move, think, do with such ease as he now did. With each person he passed his anger grew.

The training room, while not full, had more people than he cared to see right now. Nodding to a few familiar faces he went to the locker room to change. The decisions of which shorts, shirt, if he should wrap his hands all found immediate answers. The cacophony of thoughts he suffered under did not barrage him. No demands for questions yet unasked sapped at his strength.

The rage grew.

He chose a loose pair of gym shorts, a compression shirt, and yes he would wrap his hands. Popping in headphones he turned on his heaviest base music and set the volume just louder than tolerable.

Rage.

Stepping from the locker room he locked his eyes on the punching bag suspended from the ceiling. Johnny noticed but ignored the way everyone watched him. Fists moving became the sole focus. Had he ever been able to completely concentrate on one thing? Even when seconds ticked away on a bomb in front of him, hadn’t he been thinking of how to say goodbye, wondering where they would lay his headstone, sent silent apologies to his team.

A pit opened in his chest, a black hole eclipsing everything.

Johnny hit resistance he hadn’t expected, the shock moving up his arm and settling in his shoulder. Someone must have told Simon. Large hands held the bag from swinging wildly like it had been. Lungs searing with each breath Johnny stared at his lover's face. Well, as much of his face as he could see. Simon wore his soft balaclava today. His eyes were softer than the mask he wore.

“Johnny.”

They watched each other as Johnny took deep breaths, hands hanging loose at his side. He didn’t want to talk about why his knuckles had split under the tape.

“I can’t do this here Si.”

Simon nodded once at Johnny’s quiet words. Stepping around the bag Simon slid a hand up and over Johnny’s shoulder. One tight squeeze and then he used gentle pressure, pushing forward.

Johnny moved with the touch. Letting himself be led. If he stopped moving then he would start sobbing. He hadn’t cried since he had been sixteen and kicked out for the final time. Listening to their footsteps combine became the lifeline he held onto.

Once Simon closed the door behind them Johnny couldn’t stop his lip from trembling.

“What happened Johnny?”

His whole jaw quivered now.

“I can think.”

“Aye, you can always think,” Simon pushes him back onto their bed. Setting a chair in front of the bed he starts to care for Johnny’s hands.

Johnny watches as his lover carefully ignores the tears streaking down his face.

“Every day half of my energy goes to functioning. Did you know I have to think about standing, moving, being? One tiny pill and I can stand without the effort of thinking through each minute movement I need to rise. My brain has never been quiet. It sounds like a jet turbine in there. All. The. Time.”

Simon finished on one hand and started on the other. They both ignored the blood that dropped onto their feet.

“I have struggled all my life to get ahead of my own thoughts. To stop the word vomit. I have to outthink myself to keep myself safe. I..”

Simon looked at him now, the lightest sheen of tears in his eyes. He gently cleaned the breaks in Johnny’s skin, stemming the bleeding.

“My anxiety is gone,” Johnny blubbered. “It’s like discovering I have been using a musket when everyone around me gets to use a fully automatic rifle and I am still accomplishing more than they are.”

Hands reached, resting on either side of his face. Johnny reached up and pulled the mask off of Simon. Placing a kiss on Johnny’s brow Simon followed it up by resting their foreheads together.

Simon’s heart ached. The whole of his love lived in the man between his hands and he was hurting. Simon had never been good with words, even less so when it came to Johnny.

“What do you need?”

Johnny sobbed out a laugh.

“God, I just need a nap.”

Simon’s brows rose; Johnny didn’t nap. The man barely slept.

“Want some company?”

“Absolutely.”

Johnny toed off his shoes as Simon unlaced his boots. The men scooted onto the bed until they found a comfortable position tucked against each other. Simon held his lover as he slipped into the first sound sleep he had ever seen from the man. 

Masterlist

[blacknedsoul-blog]

A detailed explanation from my headcanon that Annabel has ADHD

So I had this six fucking hour trip. On a bus. Alone. And I was bored out of my mind, because sitting around being bored is as close to mental torture as it gets for me.

Fortunately, the light at the end of the tunnel: I was inspired. Away from the burnout I have with fanfics, I remembered that I've mentioned this headcanon several times on Nevermore's Discord and just thought, what better time to talk about ADHD than when I'm having a pretty ADHD moment?

But before I start, there are a few little things that need to be pretty clear on the table:

I'm being a bit hypocritical here: in general, I'm deeply against diagnosing fictional characters for two reasons: first, it's an impossible task to distinguish between character traits and symptoms to such an extent that you can go around forever without coming to a real conclusion unless the author of the work confirms it, and second, even if you have the disorder you're talking about, you can fall into the trap of perpetuating stereotypes or generalizing, thereby invalidating other experiences. So even if the tone of this review sounds very assertive, it is because of my writing style. I am in no way diagnosing Annabel; this is an analysis of her character through the lens of a possible disorder.

In relation to the above, where I point out an event in the comic that can be read as a symptom, I am not reducing it to "this only happens because she has ADHD". You CAN'T reduce a person's personality to "they has a disorder," and when I point out these examples, I'm not doing so with the intention of denying the background behind it, but rather pointing out how, under the magnifying glass of having it, it might exacerbate that behavior.

I am NOT a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a neurologist: I am a woman with ADHD. One who has done a lot of research on the subject, been in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the disorder, and talked extensively about it both with friends who also have it and with professionals. But I don't have a career in mental health, I don't pretend to, and everything you'll read below is a mixture of research and personal experience.

You're going to see a lot of "we" or "those of us with ADHD" because, as I said, I have it too, but this is all a generalization made for the sake of flow. The symptoms of this disorder can be expressed in many different ways, and not everyone has all of them (for example, there are some that I don't have, but it would be strange to change the voice of the text just because of that, it makes it harder to read). If you have ADHD and read a symptom and think "hey, I don't get that", that's perfectly normal. Your experience is valid and I don't want to pass it on. But it would be exhausting for me and for the reader to use tentative phrases all the time.

If this text resonates too much with you, I strongly recommend that you see a professional, if you're able, and not self-diagnose: ADHD has many symptoms in common with autism and other neuro divergences, don't risk misdiagnosis.

If you have a different opinion than mine on this subject and want to share it with me, I'll be happy to read it, if I don't answer it's because I forgot (forgive me?). But you can be sure that I will read it.

Anyway, let's get started.

What is ADHD?

According to the NIH (National Institute of Mental Health) website, this is the definition of ADHD:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.

Here is an impression that needs to be clarified: ADHD is more about an inability to regulate attention than a lack of it. A neurotypical person may choose to focus on a task to get it done, we may procrastinate to death because even if we want to, we can't focus on it, or stand there absorbed in it ad infinitum until the house falls down around us (and we may still have trouble noticing). This is understood, Understanding all this, here is the list of Annabel's behaviors that could be interpreted as symptoms.

Hyperactivity

One thing that not everyone knows is that hyperactivity is not about running around like an uncontrolled animal. It can manifest itself in many ways, and there are many types: physical, mental, and even emotional.

In Annabel's case, she seems to be the first two types.

Perhaps due to her difficulty in expressing emotions, it is quite obvious at this point in the comic that her moods are made explicit through gestures: playing with her rings when she is happy or nervous, touching the ribbon around her neck in moments of anxiety, or playing with her hair almost as a default state.

Annabel.

Doesn't.

Sit.

Still.

Never.

It is also clear that Annabel is always planning something. Always.

This can be read into the logic of mental hyperactivity: when you have it, your brain just doesn't stop. Ever. And that's something that resonates with this lady.

Emotional Dysregulation

The part of the brain that regulates our moods works…erratically. Not to say it doesn't work at all.

This leads to a painfully common problem in women with ADHD: lack of emotional regulation is seen as drama, and instead of being taught tools to deal with it, we are taught to repress and bottle up emotions.

Annabel has highly internalized this as a defense mechanism. But here's the thing: if repressing emotions instead of learning how to deal with them in a healthy way is harmful, being biologically unable to regulate them can be even worse.

It touches the right nerves, and if you catch us flying low, it can cause explosive outbursts.

Possibly violent reactions to feeling offended or uncomfortable.

Or completely over-the-top reactions that we can't control.

And it's not just anger that's affected, it's the whole emotional spectrum. Another emotion that is very noticeable is fear. If we don't develop tools to help us calm down, we don't get scared, we panic.

If this happens too often, we can become prone to developing severe anxiety or frequent attacks.

We may also have great difficulty dealing with frustration. Our brains love rewards, and feeling that we're not getting them because of our own inability to do something can be downright annoying. And if we don't have the tools to express our frustration appropriately, we can have quite childish reactions, ranging from temper tantrums to…pouting.

I find it funny how several of these pouts are caused by Lenore, a bit like "Oh, come on, honey, what are we talking about?"

Another important thing to note here is that one of the most fucked up and notorious symptoms of this lack of emotional regulation is RSD, short for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, defined as "a problem that interferes with your ability to regulate your emotional responses to feelings of failure and rejection. While rejection is almost always unpleasant, people with RSD experience overwhelming levels of emotional pain. This can lead to long-term mental health problems, fear of failure, and behavioral changes that negatively affect them throughout their lives."

Rejection and fear of failure are a problem for us. So much so that we may seek strategies to avoid it as much as possible, even when it causes us problems (such as not completing a task for fear of doing it wrong). This is an issue that can tear us apart emotionally.

Annabel is terrified of being rejected or despised. Her whole life has been built around appearances and getting the right people interested in her. If she can't do that, what good is she?

And that's something that comes up a lot in her relationship with Lenore. Repeatedly, in fact, but my favorite has to be this one:

Annabel thought it would be the smart thing to do to break that bond because she knows they're never going to see each other again. But the look on her face when Lenore calls her a "damn liar" is just painful to watch. I think ripping her heart out with a rusty spoon would have hurt less.

Finally, on the subject of things that aren't so funny: that thing Annabel does about biting her fingers when she's in a critical situation is something I used to do, too (only I'd bite my knuckles or palms).

My psychologist explained to me that when you feel like you're losing control, you immediately look for something to ground you, and unfortunately, physical pain is often a quick (if damaging) way to do that.

Codependency

Okay, here's a thing: it's not that we have a tendency as such to codependency, but this is a situation that can occur due to bad practices within a relationship. Especially a couple one.

As it stands out, people with ADHD can have a lot of problems with micromanaging ourselves, remembering things, dealing with our emotions, etc, etc, etc. And it is natural for close friends, family or our partner to help in those processes.

The problem arises when that help starts to become a parentification process where the partner who is providing support starts to do this on behalf of the other person, infantilizing them in the process.

This is a cocktail for resentment on both sides: the party calling the shots can easily feel that the other is putting a huge burden on their shoulders and not trying hard enough, while, on the other side, no one likes to feel like they are being treated like a child. Let alone that the person doing it is your partner.

But at the other end of resentment, there's codependency.

The constant feeling that you are a burden, insufficient or even disposable.

And that means you have a lot to make up for. On a regular basis. So much that you put yourself in a situation where you have to make horrible decisions so that someone else doesn't have to because somehow you owe it to them, who hasn't had that happen?

What I mean is that yes, Annabel feels like she owes this to Lenore because she only remembers the part where Lenore came kicking in doors to save her from a marriage she didn't want. And if she can't do this for her, she doesn't deserve a relationship.

Feeling inadequate, that your partner is doing you some kind of favor by tolerating you and ending up idealizing their in the process is obviously not unique to the neurodivergent experience.

But we try, we try really hard and, like anyone else, we like to feel that the effort we put in is seen and valued.

If we are not careful about that, we do indeed fall into the risk of becoming codependent. The desire to feel loved or valued becomes a constant hunger for validation from which it is difficult to escape because we are aware that our brain will never function in a different way. And if that is mixed with RSD, it can become an even bigger problem.

Novelty, games, challenges, and rewards

Producing dopamine on a normal basis is one thing our brains aren't very good at (one of the reasons we can be prone to depression, for example), but you know what they love? Challenges and rewards.

New things feed our endless curiosity, but for some reason unknown to me, our brains really love challenges and dares. They give us dopamine like we're on a high.

So much so that some people use it as a tactic to perform tasks they don't like: "How many dishes can I wash before my dinner is ready?", "If I can finish this in less than 30 minutes, I can go get chocolate."

One medium we may like very much for this reason is games. Board games, card games, or virtual games. It doesn't matter. Games provide a very good balance of challenge and reward.

If you see that Annabel seems overly interested in how this works, it's because there may be a part of her that thinks "aside from the deadly situation we're in…this is like the most hardcore escape room ever" and inevitably there's something here that stirs her bug.

It may be something she loves about Lenore. As a good hypocrite, Annabel despises the rules she knows so well, so when Lenore comes along with this gimmick and completely changes the paradigm of what she knows, there is inevitably something that appeals to her. Others who are good at the game look down on Lenore's disdain for the rules, to Annabel it is fucking appealing because it offers a range of unexplored possibilities that she fucking loves.

Erratic Communication

When our brains are running at full speed, communication can become a challenge, and we tend to exhibit erratic patterns.

One of these is info-dumping. Touch a topic we know about or are interested in and it's like stepping on a landmine: we explode talking about it. Non-stop. You'll have to hit us to shut us up.

Another thing is that we can have a bad habit of interrupting. A lot. It's not malicious, it's just that we're really into the conversation and want to participate as much as possible.

That said, even if we're extroverts, it can be a nightmare to withhold information or participate in a conversation if it doesn't grab our attention. It's not that we want to be disrespectful or anything, it's just that, again, we have no control over our ability to pay attention and we're swimming against the tide to hold on to whatever it is you're telling us.

This scene is something I've seen in friends with ADHD and have been told I do: stare at people while doing your best to do the hamster run to remember what they're telling you because you know it's important, even though your brain is putting it together with junk information because it's not engaging your attention in the right way.

Ignore the murderous stare part, it's not that common - at least I hope not.

Drinks that are like a pill

Our brains are not designed to produce certain hormones naturally or, in some cases, they produce them under other circumstances. For things like that, we can take pills, develop strategies to help our brains produce hormones.

And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

Caffeine can be extremely relaxing for us because it can actually help our brains keep functioning, you know that stereotype of the highly coded ADHD character who drinks coffee like it's his life? Well, that's because.

You know what other beverage has a similar effect? Tea. Theine is also a natural activator, perhaps less aggressive than coffee, but it can have a similar effect.

If you're interested in describing this topic in fanfic or touching on it in fanart, tea should have a relaxing effect on Annabel and even help her concentrate.

Boredom

We get bored. A lot. And we get painfully bored. Here's what happens: boredom is caused by a lack of stimulation, and our brains aren't stimulated just because we can't regulate our attention to seek out that stimulation.

Add to that the fact that when we are bored, without dopamine hitting our receptors, our executive functions diminish and we function like shit.

Boredom

Is

Fucking

Murder

Because our brain starts desperately asking for dopamine and we can fall into really unhealthy behaviors like fighting, being chronically online, or eating because we can't find anything better to do. This also contributes -again- to our depression or anxiety.

Conclusions (and if I don't make the joke, I'll die)

In the book ADHD After Dark (a study of ADHD, relationships, and physical intimacy), Ari Tuckman draws some interesting conclusions, one of which is that on a statistical level, people with ADHD seem to be more likely to have what he calls "sexual eagerness": kinks, fetishes, a tendency to be adventurous in bed, and the like. Again, our brains love play, and both intimacy and flirtation can involve a lot of it.

So…

Um…

…well, I think Lenore will be happy. Good for her.

Anyway, this has been a seriously long explanation. Thanks for reading this far.