#thats what i thought this was going to be about and thats still a documentary i'd like to see

[there-are-4-lights]

i saw the transkriget documentary and i didnt like it

the episodes were so short so it mostly felt like watching a clipshow compilation and not an actual documentary? they scratched the surface of a few important aspects (clinicians with criticisms, the influence of RFSL on healthcare, things like LGBTQ-certification, etc) but it was really hard to know what the viewer is supposed to take away from it.

if you compare it to something like UG where there were some clear take-home messages like "the hospital intentionally minimised harm being done to children" or "healthcare was ideologically driven"; it was really hard to pick out a message from this other than "its really complicated so we should slow down" i guess? and with the material they had they could have done something like "lobby groups were too close to the government and also influenced healthcare" like Nolan Investigates Stonewall did.

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

My brain's weird it screams just by reflex of me seeing a bug but will take like a day to register a death lol

My mood today be like:

Then after I finish crying:

[ofc-vi-writes-too]

Batfam members and what they’d get cancelled for/their apology

Just watched ItalianBach’s youtuber apology tier list video and inspiration STRUCK.

𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹

Bruce: there are SOOOOOO many things. So so so many things. He has been cancelled so many times that there is a blog dedicated to keeping track of BW apologies. the user is probs something like bruceissosorryagain. Personal favorite was when he ruined a pretty popular and well liked socialite by knocking over a champagne tower directly onto her great grandmother’s wedding gown. For some god foresaken reason the champagne had been dyed red to match the victorian vampire aesthetic of the wedding?? The hashtag “BWmeetscarrie” will forever haunt wayne manor.

Dick: He was literally a cop in 2020. his goose was GOT. He was trying to prove that not all cops are bad by posting to that macklemore song with the little black fist painted on his cheek and BLM on the other. u know the one. It didn’t go over very well. Even macklemore commented “c’mon bro..” This was followed by a 45 minute long apology video explaining how he now understands the harm it can cause to lump all marginalized groups into one category and how he regrets his action severely and yada yada yada hes so sorry, at the end there was a 2 minute long acrobatic performance to the song Nina Cried Power by Hozier. He also donated to several black charities following the whole ordeal. Didn’t leave his house for a week.

Jason: Ran a rage bait account on tiktok when he was like 13-15 where he posted cringe alpha sigma male mogging content, and someone somehow found out it was him, and his apology wasn’t so much an apology as much as it was “I’m sorry you were stupid enough to believe the bs I was posting, and I’m sorry i got caught. Fuck you guys btw now I have to find a new hobby 👎🏽.” The videos are still saved to his phone when he needs a good chuckle.

Tim: Said BTS was ass and BP was even worse (he tweeted it out of boredom, knowing it was gonna be bad, but not knowing exactly how bad). Armies and blinks tried to dox him MUTIPLE times but tim keeps it on lock so his info was safe. There was a boycott for WE so Bruce made him post and official apology. It was half assed and there are kpop accounts to this day that say “Fuck tim drake” in their bio. Either that or he got “cancelled” on some Jynxzi stuff. Like the whole situation to a T. Maybe both are true. He also had a ukelele in his apology vid.

Damian: called an old lady a “stupid ugly stinky bitch” on national television because she “asked father too many questions.” (it was an interview) Jaws were dropped. Nay, jaws were dislocated. Damian was too young at the time to have social media, let alone post his own apology, so bruce did it for him and sent that poor old lady a lot of cash.

Duke: Unironically said “if it’s snowing I’m not going.” the dudebros thought that shit was hilarious. No one else laughed. Duke was serious, but he felt so bad about offending people that there were tears in the apology. At least thats the story he’s currently running with.

Cass: A video of her saying the F slur surfaced. Her apology was her coming out.

Steph: Said something offensive without realizing it and didnt know what she did until she tweeted saying “why is everyone being so wierd around me?? did I do something wrong??” everyones response is either “girl please bffr” or genuine actually helpful input. She apologized less than a day later in a quick and concise apology vid.

Barbara: compared herself to marsha P johnson in an interview and when she was asked to elaborate she simply could not. The truth is, she had no idea who that woman was other than the fact that she was a good, cool woman so she was like yea omg im so her. Her apology was also a mini documentary about Marsha P Johnsons life.

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

What's BANDits? I've heard the term before but idk what it is

BANDit stands for "Birds Are Not Dinosaurs" - its. IE, its the term for the group of "scientists" that have continued to insist birds did not evolve from dinosauria despite literally boatloads of evidence to the contrary.

You see, we haven't always known birds are dinosaurs. When we were first thinking about evolution (in the Western World, remember: lots of colonized people had ideas about evolution *and* paleontology that White People essentially wiped out when we colonized them), a lot of people pointed out the similarities between many of the dinosaurs being found and living birds. MANY. It was common knowledge in the 1800s among scientists.

But then along came this guy Dollo. Dollo didn't like the idea birds evolved from dinosaurs. See, he found wishbones in birds. He found wishbones in some of the triassic weirdos of the past, things that dinosaurs would evolve from. But he didn't find wishbones in dinosaurs. And Dollo was convinced that a structure couldn't re-evolve if it had been lost during evolution. So, to him, there was no way birds could be dinosaurs.

There were problems with this:

he didn't know about how traits are gained and lost genetically. In fact, he didn't really know about *genetics*. There are lots of ways to re-gain a trait you lost (if you only lost it by turning off its regulatory genes, or you re-evolve it convergently, that kind of thing).

at the time, we had dinosaur wishbones. we just didn't know thats what they were.

since then, we have found waaaaay more dinosaur wishbones. And also, tons of other evidence. so much evidence. at this point, there is literally nothing else birds could be.

it took time to build up that evidence. For the entire first half of the 1900s, and a good chunk of the second, no one believed birds evolved from dinosaurs.

But then we started to find the evidence.

And we found more.

And more.

And more.

By the 80s, it was becoming pretty clear that birds probably evolved from dinosaurs. At this point, documentaries and fictional material are even referencing it. But, there was still a group of skeptics, the first true BANDits (because at this point it was not the majority opinion). And that's okay - skepticism is important in science.

Its the fact that they KEPT being skeptical even as more and more evidence poured in. By the mid-90s, it was incontrovertible, because we had found fossils of feathered but very clearly nonavian dinosaurs. By the 00s, we were finding them CONSTANTLY.

And yet, the BANDits kept BANDiting.

Most of them have died, because they were old and stubborn. Very few new scientists are BANDits. It's really just

A) in russia, because russia has had a... weird history with paleontology. I don't want to get into it

B) those remaining few old people who refuse to change their minds in light of new evidence (this would be Feduccia)

in the 10s, they were really annoying, because enough of them were still around that people thought they were good scientists (they're not), and so if you said "birds are dinosaurs" at least one person would bring up banditry to prove you wrong, and then you had to go on a whole spiel, and it was exhausting

In the late 10s and now 20s, that's pretty much dead. It's just impossible to argue with anymore. I don't know how Feduccia keeps publishing his crappy books, but I really wish that someone would say "I can't publish this" bc people read them and think they're right.

Like, birds are *such* dinosaurs that we don't even know at what point dinosaurs are firmly birds. It's kind of murkey, because nature doesn't do categories.

So, yeah. That's what a BANDit is. They're almost extinct. May they become as such by the 30s.

[dullgecko]

Hey I know it’s been a while since I submitted anything (I’ve been a bit tapped out for headcanons and ideas) but while reading I did come with these 2 I thought you might enjoy:

For the chaos horde au I was thinking that maybe some of the bad kids names could be harder to pronounce in goblin than others or really just don’t sound like real names to them.

It starts with just the kits and younger goblins calling her it to other goblins but pretty soon nearly the entire horde is calling adaine ‘sweet giver’.

I imagine adaine is extremely happy and proud of her new title.

Secondly the bad kids end up accidentally watching a nature documentary on goblins (they now from experience anything goblin related in the media tends to be not great) they end up leaving it on since Riz is actually interested to see what they say.

And yeah they get pretty much everything wrong; friendly greetings are mistaken for dramatic infighting, they can’t seem to get anyone’s gender right and the worst/best part is that clearly no one that worked on the film spoke goblin since Riz can clearly understand that the group there following knows and has just fully decided to ignore the weird group, unless they try to follow them back to the caves of course. E.g

Goblin 1: “so should we do something about the humans in the bushes over there?”

Goblin 2: “nah I’ve seen them do stuff like this before when they carry those weird machines, they don’t do anything besides watch and eventually they just leave”

Goblin 1:”…thats still creepy”

Goblin 2:”yep”

Xx

Xx! Yay! When are you going to come off anon so I can friend you :3

Names:

The have no problem with g's and k's and r's. Gorgug, Fig and Kristen they have no trouble with, though Kristen's name does get pronounced as more of a Krrsten. Fig is by far the easiest and even the little kits are able to squeak her name at her.

Adaine and Fabians names just sound weird to them. Way too soft in the mouth, nothing there to sink their teeth into when they talk. Adaine they give a nickname which she adores. Giving people a proper descriptive nicknames is a mark of friendship for goblins. She cries when Riz explains.

They hear Fabian do the whole 'I am Fabian Aramaius Seacaster' thing /once/ and start defaulting to a shortened version of his last name. Kasta is such a good goblin name. Lots of juicy consonants there.

--------

Nature documentary:

It starts playing, they watch five minutes of it and Riz makes them pause it before leaving the room. He returns not long after with a bottle of whisky because this is the kind of train wreck you can't watch totally sober.

There ends up being a LOT of pausing and rewinding. Riz makes them restart it from the beginning and he's giving a full drunken lecture about everything that's wrong including a corkboard he's set-up with scribbled visuals and notes. Fig films the whole thing and it becomes another bad kids viral video.

[futbol16]

Those Three Letters • Alexia Putellas

Not sure how good this turned out to be, but I hope you like it. Enjoy!

Request: "In the trailer of Alexias documentary they say that Alexia turned off her phone after the injury. Can you write a story about reader and Alexia thats set during that time. Eventually reader is able to get a hold of Alexia maybe showing up to her appartement. Taking care of Alexia, making sure that she and Nala are okay, updating Alexias family and taking her to her apointments. Reader being her shoulder to cry on and pick Alexia up get a bit of faith back into her and being able to convince Alexia that she can be a great capitana from the sidelines also."

Part 2 You Can

Word count: 1,6k

Finishing up the late training session, you slipped on your sneakers and a hoodie and waved bye to the girls in the locker room.

As you walk down the hallway you fish your phone out from your right pocket, looking up at the last second before almost colliding with a body. You smile up at your captain.

“Gonna go talk to your girl?” Leah smiles down at you sweetly.

“Yeah, yeah. Schedules have been busy so I’m hoping to catch her.” you lightly blush at the thought of your girlfriend.

“Well good luck with that Y/N/N!”

“Thank you, goodnight Leah!” you wave her goodbye, your thumb already searching through your contacts before pressing on one.

You hold the phone to your ear as you walk to your room with a soft smile, but frown when no one picks up. You knew Alexia was off from training as well by now and the two of you had planned on talking tonight.

You call again, and again, and when she doesn’t pick up again, and again, you start to get worried. Tossing your phone onto your bed you decide to get ready for the evening instead, hoping that she’d at least message you to tell you what was up. 

Your phone goes off suddenly, the ringtone breaking you out of your staring contest with yourself in the mirror. Your toothbrush is hanging out of your mouth as you race for your phone,  answering it with a confused face when you realize it’s Mapi calling.

“Hey Mapi, what’s up?”

“Y/N, hola, hey, hi so something happened and Ale isn’t okay and I don’t know what to do and I need your help!” she rushes out and you go to calm her down before your ears perk up.

“Ale’s in trouble?” you ask almost breathlessly.

The most intense part of the Euro’s was barely in a week, everyone was excited for it and you knew Alexia had been waiting for this. To hear that something might not allow her to play…you feared the worst.

“What is it, María, what happened?”

“ACL” God, those three letters that you feared so much, one of the most dreaded injuries, especially in women’s football. That never meant anything good, this was serious.

“Y/N, I need you to come down here. I don’t know what’s going on with her, she hasn’t been answering any of us in the past two days. We were only told now what happened to her.”

That made sense, you had the first Match of the Euro’s yesterday and although the two of you would always wish each other good luck, you didn’t dwell on the absence of a message from her for too long. You knew the both of you were very busy people and she’d try to catch up later.

But now as you stand in the middle of the room, eyes wide, breath still and your toothpaste almost dripping down your chin you realize just how stupid that excuse sounded.

Ending the call with Mapi, you get yourself to look presentable before racing down to Sarina’s office.

Once you reach the door, you hastily knock on the wood until you’re let in.

“Hey coach, sorry, I really need to talk to you.” you tell her all that you knew and she eventually agrees to let you go, though with a warning that you wouldn’t play the full 90 minutes against Norway since you’d be missing a few training days.

By the time you get to the airport it’s already 8pm, you’d land in Barcelona at around midnight.

You keep Mapi updated and although you had told her you could take a taxi, she insisted on picking up her best friend from the airport.

When Mapi’s car rolls up in front of Alexia’s apartment it is well into the night, but knowing the Barcelona captain she was still going to be up no matter how tired she was after the day of her surgery.

You hated that you hadn’t been there for her when she had to go through such a thing, but you knew she needed you now more than ever and you were going to be there no matter what, even if it meant maybe missing the match against Norway.

You let yourself into her apartment, it’s dark but you can make out the silhouette of Nala before she jumps into your arms. You give her a little love before getting her something to eat, you weren’t sure how well Alexia had been taking care of herself and her dog right now.

As you walk further into the home you let your backpack - the only thing you had brought onto the plane with you - slide down your shoulder and land next to the wall of the living room.

That’s when you spot her, the warm color of the lamp lighting up the side of her face as she’s slumped over on the couch, her leg propped up. You note the deep frown she has, the creases in her forehead and the fact that she hadn’t noticed someone entering her apartment. It all worried you even more.

You move in front of her and squat down to be on her level before you place a careful hand to the side of her face. Cupping her cheek you turn her head towards you and wait for her eyes to focus on you, the deep glare slowly vanishing as she stares into your eyes.

“Alexia, bebé.” you whisper out as your thumb slowly strokes over her cheek bone. That’s all it takes for her as she breaks, a painful sob leaving her lips. You pull her into you, mindful of her leg and hold her close as she cries into your neck.

You fight back your own tears, ultimately failing, and repeatedly kiss her shoulder as you mutter words of comfort into her ear. She settles eventually and pulls back from you, though she doesn’t go far, desperate to still be close to you. 

“I wanted to play so bad.” 

“I know, I know, love. “ you say as you wipe away the few tears rolling down her cheek. “It won’t be long Ale, you’re strong, you know this. And I’ll be here, yeah? We’ll do it together.” you tell her honestly, kissing her cheek when she gives you a tiny smile. 

“Gracias, mi amor. Gracias, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” she pulls you in again and you hug her back tightly. You help her get ready for the night, gently washing the day off her body and holding her close when she breaks down again.

You kiss her injured knee gently and tuck her into bed. It’s the early hours of the morning when you manage to get her to sleep and you slowly slip out from under the covers. You watch as she cuddles into your pillow and you move her hair out of her face before making your way out the bedroom door.

Eli is the first person you call, Alexia’s mom, and she immediately picks up the phone despite the sun barely being up. You fill her in on the news and promise her to take care of her daughter as you ask her to come around for the next day.

Alexia would need her family close to her, especially once you’d have to go back to England for the Euro’s. 

You take her to her appointments during the next few days and help out her family who have come around Alexia’s place everyday. It’s four days later that you pack your bag again, knowing you’d have to get on the earliest flight possible.

You’re about to walk to Alexia’s room when her sister pulls you aside and into a hug. You hug back the younger brunette fiercely, knowing that her sister’s injury and mood had been hard on her emotionally as well.

“She’s gonna need you more than us, you know.” she whispers to you.

“What?” you pull back from the hug, confused as to what she meant.

“My sister, she’s going to need you more than anyone Y/N.” you’re about to shake your head at her words but she interrupts you. “You’re her person, she’ll want you by her side, more than me or Mama.”

“I’ll do my best to be there for her.” you nod at Alba.

“You already have.” she answers you with a smile before kissing your cheek and nudging you towards her sister’s bedroom.

Walking through the doorway Alexia is sitting on the edge of her bed, looking up at you with big eyes. You cup her cheeks, her arms circling around your waist as she rests her chin on your stomach.

“I have to go amor.” you tell her quietly, hating that you had to leave her when she was hurt, but you knew you had to get back to England if you wanted to play in the tournament.

“Sí, mi amor. I know.” she lets out a sigh. Her arms slowly reach up and she tugs you down to her level, pulling you into a kiss.

You kiss her back softly, your thumb stroking her jaw as she holds you impossibly close.

“I’ll be back, love, and you’ll be back on that football pitch sooner than you think.” You tell her, confident in her rehab and her strength.

"And until then you’ll be the best Capitana for the team, even if it’s from the stands.” She nods at you, giving you a gentle smile and kissing you one last time before you’d have to leave for the airport.

You knew this would be a hard and long journey for her, but Alexia also knew that with you by her side she could do this.

You and her, together.

[petewentzisblack1312]

question coming from also a third world supremacist (i think?) figuring out political ideology: how did you form yours?? i think i remember you saying you used to go off of empathy before forming a more solid worldview and i'd wanna know how to start that. apologies if i'm completely off base and you didn't say that in that case it's just nice to follow someone who's not from a first world country thank you for that

sorry this is quite meandering. i dont have a clear cut answer of a specific turning point, its just been a journey of learning ive been on as ive come of age. as for how to go about doing it yourself, id say to stay curious, but also stay skeptical. learn about the patterns that repeat in history- the way outsiders are blamed for problems, the way the world tends towards complicated answers, the fact that things are more often implicit than intentional- and be wary of them when you are confronted with an answer. remember that 'common sense' is not an edict passed on by god, its the culmination of a lot of decisions, some made with ulterior moments, so interrogate who benefits from you believing certain things that 'everyone knows'. and try to get some bearing on the theory behind certain philosophies and modes of thought. it could be a video essay, if you just need to get your foot in the door. my mentor is wary of documentaries and video essays because he thinks they can lie to you easily, but a book can do that too, especially if you think it cant! still, the audiovisual language is very easy to take at face value, and its more difficult to assess the legitimacy of a youtube video or documentary than it is with a book thats been cited by other authors a lot.

anyway, my own journey. i did in fact say my ideology is founded on empathy first and foremost. i was already pretty left leaning (but without a framework, just very 'live and let live') at that point but one of my teachers in secondary school (who ive known since my sister went to that same secondary school over 10 years prior) (hes the guy i call math dad occasionally) used the times allotted for christian education and christian family life education which were basically free periods during which were supervised by our homeroom teachers (though its not really supposed to be that) to teach the basics of anarchist philosophy (like what can or should be considered violence) to our class, and i was really engaged in that framework. there were only two people in the class who were interested in that myself included so he eventually stopped but hes always been something of a guide to my beliefs, and this introduced me to anarchism as a philosophy.

i have to say what radicalized me beyond just my love of my fellow human was curiosity. i wanted to know why the caribbean is poor. i wanted to know why certain people are mistreated. i wanted to understand racism. and it was a gradual process for me but eventually i learned that pretty much all real bigotries are systemic, but i didnt fully understand why those systems were in place until i started to understand the 'flaws' inherent to capitalism, or rather, the way its supposed to work. all these systemic injustices are in service of capitalism.

i was still quite imperial centric until fairly recently in my life though, id say like the past 5-7 years ive become more and more critical of modern empire and more disillusioned with its manifestation worldwide and as you might imagine especially in the caribbean. i hate tourism now, while it tends to be something both major parties invest in to some degree (its the liberal position). while im a little less superficially patriotic than the average st lucian, im very invested in our politics, though i find it difficult to navigate as a lay person for a myriad of reasons that frustrate me. as much as i have opinions on politics and policy, im not an economist or political scientist or commentator and have auditory processing issues that make it just hard enough to sit and watch parliamentary debates and things like that that i dont.

i would be remiss if i didnt shoutout the tumblr community for also informing my politics. ive been introduced to all sorts of people and all sorts of problems and all sorts of ideas by being on this website for as long as i have, and listening and learning and looking into things myself.

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block

a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'

i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense

there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump

FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.

FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.

CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.

TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.

may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.

[thewingedwolf]

one thing about hbo is that when they get a journalist coming up to them and going “man do i have a fucked up story i want to follow” they really do let that person go wild. i’ve mentioned the way the ronan farrow one really moved me emotionally and that’s just because ronan knows how to investigate and tell a story to get you righteously angry for who it is he’s defending. he’s good at his job!

but this one, quiet on the set, has genuinely made my jaw drop a few times, even if i think some of the framing could have been better in the last episode. of course i know about all the rumors about dan schneider and the abuse on set, it’s hard to have been into the teen nick scene and not notice, and it’s pretty easy to figure out which kids were being harmed through too much attention and which were being harmed through not enough attention, and there’s been all sorts of rumors floating around for over a decade!

but the build up to the drake bell reveal was well handled, i thought. i was initially skeptical because i think it’s hard to make a documentary about child sexual abuse without leaning into being exploitative in some way. and at first, where you have the actors who left early, like katrina, or who you remember but weren’t mega famous like giovannie, and they’re all saying “this set was so weird & inappropriate, i knew something was wrong but i didn’t have the experience or vocabulary to say what” it feels a little too schlocky. like, oh we’re just kind of speculating on the inappropriate nature of dan’s “friendship” with amanda bynes for two episodes? yeah it is fucked up that two pedophiles were on that set, but did they hurt anyone on set?

and then drake bell walks into the room dressed like timmy turner and says it was me. he hurt me.

i can’t stop thinking about the choice of clothes here and the way it helps drive home the point of the doc. he’s sitting there in fairly odd parents colors as an adult and can’t describe the sexual trauma he experienced as a child still, has never spoken about it, had his mom lie to his father over it because he was so screwed up. really driving home the point that he was just a kid who had a knack for physical comedy and it got him preyed on by dan, a man who should have protected him, set up and handed over to a monster who traumatized him for months and years.

but when that reporter said she got a judge to let them unseal the court documents because drake bell told her how much support peck had? my jaw dropped, like yeah this is reporting, this is someone who saw this story and finally fucking cared not about the salacious details but about who knew what and why they did nothing to stop this from happening. it’s not about forcing drake bell or katrina jackson or alexa to live through the worst moments of their life - it’s about how so many people knew what was going on and didn’t do a god damn thing to stop it. it’s about how these monsters, these convicted pedophiles, were given access to little kids to hurt and traumatize and everyone knew and didn’t just look the other way, they actively helped cover it up. THATS the story. Not that it was an isolated tragedy but that it was a clinical, purposeful environment built by people who wanted to harm little kids.

[mycrushisnotalibero]

broken promises

Donatello x reader 

Summary:

Donatello wants you all to himself so you agree to date him, even though you yourself are not in love with him, yet. You make rules to make the realtionship work and you slowly develope feelings as well.

WARNINGS! PLEASE READ:

At the beginning Donnie doesn't really get what consent is, so he wants to sleep with you (not a rape-scene, obviously!!) bc thats just what couples do, so you have to explain it to him.

At the end a stranger touches your butt (sexual harrassment)

Reader has a panic attack at the end (bc of the sexual harrassment)

PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE ABOUT THOSE TOPICS

english is not my fist language so excuse any mistakes

Heres the AO3 Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42065283

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It was Saturday. The perfect day for a hangout at the lair, you sat wedged between Leo and Raph, laughing at something Mickey had said. The atmosphere was chill and pleasant. April and you brought Pizza with you and the boys had set up a corner with blankets and beanbags for you all to lounge, relax and just talk the night away. With all the commotion, none of you noticed Donnie not saying a word throughout the evening. He just sat on the floor, taking it all in.

“Here look.” Raph said, unbinding his mask and tied it around your head. “Ha! See? It looks great on you!”

“Woah, looking like that maybe you should go on the next mission with us.” Leo said, wrapping his arm around you giggling. You laughed with him.

The Evening went on. April put on some music and pulled you up to dance with her. Mickey joined and grabbed your hand, twirling you around. You laughed and after the third rotation you became dizzy, stopping Mickey from turning again by hugging him.

“Slow down, Mickey.” You cackled, hugging him tighter. Suddenly Donnie sprang up from where he was sitting.

“(Y/N)!” Everybody looked at him. His expression was furious. “We need to talk.” He said looking at you, his brows furrowed.

“Yikes, he looks pissed, what did you do, (y/n)?” April questioned you. But you didn’t know either. Following him to his Lab you considered the possibilities. You didn’t break anything in his Lab, right? God, you hoped you didn’t. Did you forget an important meeting or something. Being in thought, you didn’t realize you already being at your destination, his laboratory. He had stopped walking and turned to you, you bumped into him.

“Oh, sorry, I-“ You began to say, but he grabbed the front of your shirt and pulled you up. You let out a shriek. He looked scary, standing in this half-lit room, with this dark look on his face.

“You-“ he said, holding you tighter by your collar. You started to sweat. “-are gonna go out with me.”

You looked at him confused. “Go where?” You asked, he scoffed.

“Don’t play dumb, I’m saying that I’d very much like you to date me.” Seeing you still looking confused he continued, letting your shirt go.

“I haven’t been able to uphold my composure for a while now whenever you touch the others. It’s really starting to agitate me. So, I’m just gonna make you mine!”

There was a short pause.

“Donnie, you like me?” you asked.

“I do.”

“…Romantically?”

“Certainly.”

“Your reason?” He looked thoughtful for a second before answering.

“I don’t really know. I’ve never been in love before? Ever since April introduced you to us, I’ve been watching you and it’s really been bugging me.”

Your mind started to remember something in that moment. It was a documentary you watched a few weeks back. It talked about Baby-ducks and how they perceive the first thing they see after hatching as their mother and subsequently develop affection for it. You blinked, understanding. This guy’s been living inside the sewers with his brothers for years, not really interacting with the outside world, let alone people his age. And if he did, it was because he had to fight them.

You being the first friendly acquaintance he spent a lot of time with, except for April, which you learned was more like a sister to the boys. He mistook the first stirring of attachment for someone as love. But you couldn’t tell him that, he wouldn’t understand. You didn’t know what to do. Maybe…

“Alright.” You began. “I’ll go out with you.”

“Really?” he looked bewildered.

“Yeah, but in exchange you can’t get angry anymore when I talk to the others…it’s annoying.”

Instead of explaining to him what you concluded about his feelings, you felt it was easier just to date him, until he realizes his mistake on his own.

“Okay, I understand.” He spoke. You held out your hand to shake his.

“It’s a promise then!” you said. “And if you break it, we break up.” He hesitated but shook your hand none the less.

“It’s settled then.” You smiled. He didn’t say anything in return. He just grabbed you by the shoulder pulling you toward him. His lips touched yours. You froze.

“I’d never imagined you’d agree to this so easily, I estimated having to put more effort into it, so my equanimity is kind of crumbling right now. But that means that from now on you’re all mine.” He grinned, walking out of the Lab, doing a fist-bump in the air. “Donatello, you did it again.” And he was gone.

Your knees buckled and you sank to the floor. “Shit.” You put your hand over your mouth. “What have I done.”

-------

After a few minutes of you trying to find your composure and slowing down your racing heart you began to walk back to the others.

“-and then they said yes and I kissed them and now we are dating.” You heard Donatello say and you saw him standing in front of the others his arms outstretched gesturing wildly. April and the boys looked at him dumbfounded. When they noticed you, their eyes fell on you staring at you questioningly. Donatello, realizing their eyes weren’t on him anymore turned around.

“(Y/n)! There you are!” he exclaimed, rushing toward you hugging you tightly. Your whole body became rigid and you blushed from embarrassment. You felt all eyes on you. Donnie then pulled back, only to lean in to kiss you again. In your panicked state you raised your hand and slapped him.

You heard gasps from the others, Donatello looking at you with wide eyes. You took him by the arm and pulled him back to the Lab.

He sat against the wall holding his face where you had slapped him, looking up at you. You paced in front of him then stopped and met his eyes.

“I would like for you to keep our relationship a secret.” You said.

“But why?” he answered with a hurt expression. “We are not doing anything we would need to hide.”

He was right. Under normal circumstances being loving in front of others was a normal relationship-thing to do. But seeing that you only agreed to date him since it would end quickly - as quickly as he would understand his mistake of loving you – you didn’t want the others to know. It saved you a lot of embarrassment and teasing.

“Well, it’s embarrassing, I don’t like the others staring. So please stop hugging me and doing other stuff in front of them.” You tried to explain. He didn’t answer, he just looked at your somber expression.

“Promise me, if you can’t keep your promise, I can’t date you!” he flinched then.

“Alright, alright….” He began. “I don’t understand what you mean, but if you don’t like it then I won’t do it. I’ll conceal our relationship and I’ll refrain from grabbing you in front of the others. I promise, so please…-” he held out his hand. “-stop making that face.” You extended your arm grabbing his hand in yours, shaking it.

You sighed and sat next to him, for a few seconds neither one of you said anything, then you felt his head drop on your shoulder. You looked at him. He was being needy. You’d never imagined Donatello being the kind of person to be needy with the one he likes. You felt him nuzzle closer to you. It looked adorable. For a few minutes you let him lean on you.

“We should get back to the others.” You said, standing up.

When you arrived back where the other were sitting you heard them talking with each other with hushed voices.

“There they are.” April whispered and you looked down ashamed. Donatello noticed.

“I was just joking.” He then proclaimed. The others didn’t look convinced. “You know me, Donatello, always the funny one. But I see my jestering didn’t get through to you. So, I’ll reiterate: me and (y/n) are not dating.” Mickey was the first one to react and speak up.

“Ha…haha, okay you got us there Donnie, uh- you two wanna sit back down?” You did, the rest of the evening went by with Donnie not once mentioning you or your relationship. April still teased you about it, when you walked out of the lair.

-------

It had been an uneventful day for you. It was getting dark as you walked back to your apartment. You decided to take the short route through the park next to your complex. As you had made it almost half way through you felt yourself being pulled into the nearby bushes. You wanted to scream and hit whoever had the nerve to touch you, but as you looked up you saw Donatello. He pushed you down by your shoulders so you laid on the grass.

“Alright, we should have some privacy here.” He said, kneeling down in between your legs.

“Huh? For what?” you asked.

“What do you think, we’re gonna have se-“ “-HEY, HEY, WHA-“ “Shhh, be quiet, do you want someone to find us?” He put his hand over your mouth. “Mhh.” Was all you could say. You had forgotten how strong he was, pulling at his arm to get his hand off your face was impossible for you. His other hand slowly went under your shirt. Tears began to fill your eyes. As he leaned over you, he saw your watery eyes and his widened.

“Are you cryin-“  In that moment both your hand came flying to his face from either side. He flinched back sitting up, you did the same and pushed at his shoulders to throw him off completely. You scrambled back.

“Are you insane?” you yelled at him.

“That’s what I want to ask. It’s fine, as long as the other are not here, right?”

“NO!” you sat down in front of him. “Why would you think it’s okay to do this- and in the bushes, at that.”

“We’re dating, let me at least do that.” He looked at you bewildered.

“If you want to do something like…that. You have to get consent from both parties involved!”

“Then give me consent.”

“No! Donnie, you’re being selfish! Kissing me without my input, wanting to have sex with me without my permission, you can’t do that, that’s not love! All you do is stuff you want, without thinking about my feelings first, wanting me all to yourself…it’s just selfish possession!”

You took a breath, you wanted him to realize this baby-duck-stuff on his own, but he was being an idiot. You had no other option than to tell him. Now he would get what a huge dimwit he’d been.

“Okay…I won’t kiss you until you agree, I won’t touch you until you agree and I won’t have sex with you until you agree.” He stood up, looking down to you. That’s not how you planned this at all. He reached his hand out to you and you flinched lightly.

“Come on, I said I won’t do anything.” He came down to your level. “Promise.” He held out his hand again and you shook it. You two were still dating.

-----

After your little incident in the park, Donatello kept his promise of not touching you.

For about a week your life got back to normal, you almost forgot about the whole dating thing.

Almost. You felt that he was unsatisfied with your arrangement. He tried not to show it, but his mood showed that he was frustrated. Today, the group had planned to have a movie night in the lair, when you and April arrived the boys already sat in the living room, except for Donnie. As you sat down on the couch, Leo came up to you.

“You’ll love this movie, (y/n), I picked it out with you in mind.” He slung his arm around your shoulder.

“Wow, now I’m actually excited to know, what you think it is I like.” You laughed lightly. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed, from light and happy to absolutely murderous. When you looked back, Donnie was standing in the doorway, with a dangerous look on his face. His face was twisted into a scowl. You stood up, walking towards him, taking his wrist in your hand, you pulled him to the side.

“That was just a friendly interaction, Donnie.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Suddenly you heard Leo giggling quietly. When you glanced at him, he was whispering something in Aprils ear, while looking at you.

“We’re not dating, Nardo!” Donnie said. “Come on, you’re making (y/n) uncomfortable.” Leonardo looked surprised then made eye contact with you.

“Sorry, we’ll stop.” You nodded, looking back at Donnie with one eyebrow raised.

“You do know that you were the one who told them in the first place, right?”

“I’m aware.” He looked sad. You wrecked your brain for a way to cheer him up.

“Donnie, after the movie…do you want to go grab a coffee with me?” His eyes widened and he looked at you.

“You…you don’t mind?”

“I’m totally fine with that, that’s why I asked.” You smiled at him.

“…yeah…yeah, I’ll get coffee with you.” He said quietly, holding his hand in front of his face to hide the blush. Your mouth opened in surprise, Donnie was overcome with joy and was trying to hide it. His blushing face was adorable.

After the movie ended you and Donnie began your walk to the nearest coffeeshop. He was wearing his hoodie, so he could hide his face. You were in thought. Donnie had protected you. Sure, it was just from his brother, but it made you happy. Maybe continuing to date him was a bad idea.

As you opened the door you heard a bell chime, Donnie and you ordered some coffee. As you waited a few feet away from the counter you looked at him. He was looking at you, his hood darkening his features while his eyes were half lidden.

“You kind of look like a dog right now.” You said smiling, your hand reaching out to pat his head.

“I’m a turtle…” he answered, looking away from you blushing.

-----------

You sat in Donnies Lab on a chair, he had put in there just for you. You were on your phone just scrolling, Donnie tinkering with one of his newest inventions. You were getting kind of bored and got up, deciding to get something to drink. When you were almost out the door you felt something tuck on the back of your shirt, you turned. It was Donnie, he had stood up and held on to your shirt with his hand. When he realized what he’d done he let go, looking away.

“Sorry.” He just mumbled. You looked at his face, it was slightly red. You turned and walked up to him.

“Donnie, if you want attention, you can just ask.” You told him.

“I wasn’t thinking that.” He answered, sitting back on his chair. You did the same, rolling your chair up to his.

“But I was wondering…do you have any experience in this kind of area?” He looked at you.

“What area? Like…like that?” He frowned.

“No…just dating-stuff.”

“No, not dating.” You contemplated for a few seconds. “But I had crushes before, like that one guy in Kindergarten…” you twirled your chair, coming to a stop with you facing away from him.

He dropped his head on your shoulder then.

“Donnie?” you asked slowly looking at him.

“I love you…I love you…I love you (y/n)!” You felt his face scrunch up.

“I thought that if I started dating you this weird feeling inside me would go away, but no such luck. I’d hoped that if I make you mine physically, I’d settle down, but I guess not.”

And you realized when he said that, that he was absolutely and utterly serious about you. You did something horrible by agreeing to dating him. This whole thing wasn’t a misunderstanding of his affection for you. He truly and desperately wants you. You were the one with the wrong idea, you were the idiot, you had no intention of accepting these strong feelings from him. You couldn’t do this to him anymore, it was horrible.

“Donatello!” You turned around, facing him. “I…I can’t date you anymore!” you said grabbing his arms. His face went from shock to sadness.

“Why…” he began, his voice quiet. “-would you say that? If you’re not satisfied with-“

“No!” you interrupted him. “It’s not that, I actually didn’t agree to dating you because I liked you-“

“(Y/n).”

“-or because I could grow to like you. I also didn’t do it to be nice-“

“(Y/n)!” He said a little louder, you stopped talking.

“You agreed to dating me because I’m your friend and it would’ve been annoying for you if I was constantly begging you to date me. You decided you would just do it, until I’m satisfied.” You blinked.

“How…”

“Yeah, duh, I already knew that, you know I’m a genius, right? Don’t underestimate my deduction skills. (Y/n), I just didn’t care. I wanted to make you mine through any means possible. So, I know all this so please-“ he looked at you with pleading eyes. “-don’t break up with me.”

“Donnie, I can’t give you anything.”

“I’m saying it’s fine, it’s enough for me to know that I’m the one closest to you.” Your stomach churned.

“Please, stay by my side.” He was wearing this unbearable expression of worry and sadness. It didn’t fit his character at all, his cockiness and narcissism gone. Because of you. You rushed to hug him.

“Okay Donnie, we won’t break up, I’ll try to fall for you, so please-“pulling back you took his face in your hands. “-don’t make that face.” He averted his eyes but kept a small smile.

“…kay.” He just said, looking at you again. He then leaned in closer, stopping a few inches from your face.

“Can I?” Your eyes widened, Donatello asked for permission. This is a whole new problem. You couldn’t really refuse him.

“Yes, but, slowly please, and no more than kissing.” You said closing your eyes. Donatello looked at you, face flushed, eyes closed, fully trusting him. If he could fall any harder for you, he would. Instead, he leaned in all the way, closing the gap. His lips were warm against yours. As he pulled away, both of you looked each other in the eyes, blushing.

-------

“I’ll try to fall for you” is what you said, but how does one even begin to try to fall in love with someone? You didn’t know, and the internet wasn’t giving you any answers either. You would just try harder, yeah, that sounded like a good plan. You were sat on a bench in the same park that Donatello so gracefully pulled you into the bushes that one night. It was getting dark, just like last time. You were waiting for him. He was supposed to meet you here, to have a coffee date. That’s one thing you started doing with him regularly, you met, talked for a bit and said goodbye with him asking for a kiss. Up until now everything was really easy.

“Hey.” Donatello was making his way to you and he plopped down on the bench.

“Hi, Donnie. I got your coffee right here.” You held the cup up, he grabbed it.

“Thanks.” You sat like that for a minute before you decided to lay your head on his shoulder. Donnie jumped slightly looking down at you. He didn’t move and the both of you lingered like that. But then you decided to grab his hand and hold it in yours. He then lightly shoved you off.

“What are you doing?” you asked him, but seeing his annoyed expression you shut up.

“Don’t force yourself, dummie, just because we are officially dating now, doesn’t mean we have to do couple things.” He tried to explain himself.

“No, but if you are serious about me, then I will be serious about dating you. I told you I would try my best!” You were irritated, it seemed that Donnie didn’t believe in you.

“That’s a nice gesture, but in actuality it is me who has to put in labor, you don’t have to do anything.”

You didn’t understand why he wanted to put work in all by himself, he almost never worked alone. His brothers almost always beside him. So why would he insist on it with you. He should trust that you’ll fall for him eventually.

“I don’t want to leave it all up to you.” You said. “Donnie, I want to fall in love with you, too.”

There was silence between you for a second before he spoke again.

“No way!”

“Why not?”

“Just sit there quietly and date me.”

“Donnie, don’t ignore my feelings!” When you said that he hesitated.

Donnie knew that it was impossible to force feelings, no matter how much work someone put into trying. And since he lacked any kind of confidence that you’d eventually fall for him too, of course he didn’t understand why you’d force yourself. You looked at him with sad eyes and started to mumble.

“Don’t you want to hold my hand?” He blushed at that and grumbled slightly, holding out his hand. You took it smiling and laid your head back on his shoulder. After a few minutes you spoke again.

“You were so adamant about the no couple-stuff. But is it possible you’re just embarrassed?” It was funny seeing him so flustered just to hold hands, since you two kissed before.

“You’ve got no self-preservation, (y/n). You do remember me jumping you? In this park to be exact.” You let out a huff. You grabbed his hand tighter to reassure him.

“Yeah, I remember, but you won’t do that again, because you promised.”

You two sat like that for some time, until both of you realized how late it was and decided to head home. After you stood up and said goodbye to each other his hand came up to your face, stopping before touching you and he made eye contact.

“May I kiss you?”

“You may.” You giggled. He smiled, his hand caressed your cheek and he leaning in for a quick kiss.

-------

You were standing in the kitchen, looking for some food when your phone started vibrating in your pocket. You leaned against the counter pulling it out. Donatellos name flashed on the screen. You put the phone up to your ear.

“Hey, Donnie, what’s up?” You weren’t expecting his call.

“Greetings, I was just wondering if you were doing anything tonight?” Donnies voice was excited, but you could tell he was trying to sound cool and collected.

“No. I didn’t plan anything. I was just about to make some food.” You answered, opening another cabinet, looking inside.

“Well, cease that action.” You closed the cabinet-door. “I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go for dinner at Run-of-the-Mill Pizza, just the two of us. If you want. Of course.” You smiled, that’s why he sounded so nervous.

“A date with Othello von Ryan. How could I say no to that.” You chuckled and heard a scoff on the other end of the line.

“Your insolence is high today I see.” You could hear the grin on his face.  “I’m gonna be there in 10.”

As you expected, exactly 10 minutes after you hung up there was a knock on the door. You made your way out and walked with him for a few minutes before stepping into a dimly lit alley. You then stepped through the entry portal that was hidden behind a graffiti mural. You sat down in one of the booths and ordered a big pizza to share. While waiting you made small conversation, landing on the time he fought the purple dragons.

“-and then these buffoons stole all of my Tech to use for their evil doings!” Donnie was gesturing wildly, obviously still mad at the small club for using his Technology that way.

“I kind of get it, you know?” you said looking thoughtful. “Your Tech is really amazing!” You looked at him. “I mean, you built so much cool stuff in your Lab, even creating artificial intelligence.” He stared at you for a second then he sprouted a cocky grin.

“Are you hitting on me, (y/n)?” You blushed but then rolled your eyes.

“Okay, you know what, forget I said anything.” Crossing your arms you leaned back against the cushion, smiling.

“No, no, go on, I’d love to hear more about this cool stuff I create.” His arrogance skyrocketing. You tried to jab back.

“Don’t get cocky with me von Ryan!” you said leaning in, poking his chest with your finger. He let you push him back against the backrest. He looked at you through half lidden eyes.

“Sure, we better not start something you can’t finish.” He shrugged smugly.

“Oh, you little-“ you were about to say, but the waiter came to your table with your Pizza.

The rest of the date was really calm. After you had finished the food, Donnie took out his purple wallet and paid for the both of you. When you looked like you wanted to interject, he held up a hand, saying that he had invited you, so he would pay. You got up and he walked you back to your apartment. Standing in front of your door, you opened it, looking back at him.

“I had fun today.” You spoke. He looked at you with adoration. You started to redden under his intense gaze.

“Me too.” He averted his eyes then looking at the floor. You knew what he wanted to ask.

“You can kiss me goodbye, Donnie, we always do.” You said softly. His eyes met yours again and he smiled, coming closer, his hand coming up to the back of your neck, pulling you up very slowly and giving you the gentlest of kisses. You closed your eyes. When both of you pulled away Donnies face was flushed. He said goodbye and hurried away. You stood in the doorway for a minute trying to get your bearing. Something was wrong with your stomach, it felt like the Pizza inside you was doing pirouettes.

-------

“Come on…come on…Piece of-“ your hand came down on top of your TV, which at the moment only showed static. You really just wanted to wind down with your favorite show, but you stupid TV had foiled your plans. You had a rough day, your patience thin, you really didn’t need this right now. You groaned falling back, laying on the floor. You contemplated to just go to bed, but you weren’t tired at all and you really didn’t wanna miss an episode. You put your hands over your eyes, you knew who to call, and you knew that he would drop everything to help you.

You felt bad calling him over just to fix your TV, but you decided if he wasn’t busy saving New York, he could spend his time saving you.

Donatello was sitting next to your TV, with cables everywhere. He was making his in-absolute-concentration-face. You were just sitting next to him, having no idea what Donnie was doing. After about 5 minutes of him just pulling and re-plugging cables he took a step back admiring his work, looking satisfied.

“Alright, I found the problem, if this should happen again- which it should not, but- look, you just need to take this blue cable and connect it to this one, I rearranged them so it’d be easier for you.” You looked at the cables, it really was easier to see what belonged where. You were impressed. When Donnie connected the blue cable, the TV sprang back to live, your show coming on screen.

“Woah! Thank you so much Donnie!” you shouted. “You’re the best!” You jumped on him hugging him tightly. After a moment you realized his body had gone stiff as a board and you pulled back fast. Donnie was looking at you with wide eyes. You felt bad.

“Oh shit, Donnie, I touched you without both of us agreeing, I’m sorry.” Donnies eyes seemed to focus then and he shook his head.

“No, please.” He pulled you back into him, hugging you tighter. “It’s alright!” There was urgency in his voice. “You don’t have to ask. I was just shocked you initiated it.” He tried explaining. You put your arms up and around his neck. You stayed like this for a while, hugging while sitting on the floor.

You were pulled out of your moment together when Donatellos Wrist-gauntlet started to beep. Donnie groaned pulling away slightly and answered the call.

“Don, where are you, we have a mission, Bro!” you heard Mickeys voice. Donnie let go of you then and began walking towards the window.

“I’ll be right with you, I had to take care of something.” He then pressed something on the screen and the call ended. He turned to you.

“Got to go, see you later. Have fun watching your show.” You walked up to him.

“Thank again, bye and be careful.” You said, while leaning up. He immediately leaned down too and you kissed each other goodbye.

------

Donnie didn’t know what to do, he was dating you, but he wanted more. So much more… But you, being the nice person that you were, were just indulging him. You didn’t love him, he knew that, he didn’t know how to proceed.  

He needed to talk to someone about it.

“Raph?” he walked into Raphaels room. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Sure, Donnie, what’s up?” Raph sat on his bed, one leg hanging off.

“Do you remember when I said that me dating (y/n) was a joke?” he asked.

“Yeah?” Raph furrowed his brows.

“It wasn’t a joke.” Donnie looked to the floor. Raphs lip twitched.

“No way. Really. I never would have guessed.” Donnie looked up at his brother.

“But Raph, I want (y/n) to look only at me, is that weird?” he said sitting down next to him.

“No? I don’t think so.” He answered.

“So…is it normal to want to tie them up, lock them away, somewhere where no one can find them? And if someone finds them beat the crap out of that person for getting too close? I was told that those feelings are just possessiveness, not real love.” Raph listened intently, but seeing his brothers fearful expression, he had to smile.

“So why not do it?” He asked. Donnie looked puzzled. “Why not lock them up, beat others up?”

“No…Raph, they’d just get really sad and probably cry, so I’d rather see them smiling, than doing any of that stuff.” As Donnie finished saying that, Raph laughed.

“Brother, you have nothing to worry about, you’re fine. And listen, if they are dating you, they have to at least like you right?” Donnie stood up, walking to the door.

“Yeah, thanks, Raph!”

He went to his Room, laying on his own bed, his thoughts wandered to you again, like every minute of everyday it seemed. He decided to text you.

‘What are you doing?’ you read as you sat down on your bed. It was Donnie, you grinned.

‘Just got out of the shower.’ You wrote back. You sat your phone down but it immediately pinged again.

‘What a turn on.” You chuckled, to think Donnie would ever utter such words.

‘You must really like me, huh?’ You answered keeping the phone in your hand, expecting an immediate reply, but it didn’t come. You waited some more, deciding to get ready for bed. After an hour of him not replying you went to sleep.

You’re woken up by your phone pinging on your night table.  You reached for it, reading the message.

‘I’m crazy about you.’

You felt your stomach flip and you smiled, realizing that, the smile vanished.

“What am I so happy for?” you didn’t know what to write back, so you just fell back asleep.

------

It was the perfect rainy and cold weather for a lazy day playing video games in the lair. It was your turn to play and you went against April. The others cheering. After April beat you embarrassingly hard you decided to just sit on the couch and watch, sitting between Leo and Donnie.

“Man, I really need to practice.” You grumbled.  

“You’ll get there, April beats all of as at this game, except for Mickey.” Leo said, patting your shoulder reassuringly. You breathed out a laugh. When you looked to your other side you saw how Donnie was sitting, very straight, not one part of his body touching you. He had his eyebrows furrowed and when he saw you looking at him, he quickly averted his eyes.

“You good Bro?” Even Leo had noticed his brothers weirdness. Donnie began to sweat.  

“Yeah! What? Yeah! I’m just sitting here, with my friends, my just-friends, my Bros…my Buddies.” He was avoiding any eye contact, looking at anything in the room but you two. He finished off his blabbering with pumping his fist against your shoulder. “Right, friend?” He forced a smile. Leo and you just stared at him. He was acting very weird and you had an idea why. You told him to hide your relationship in front of the others, but he was trying too hard. You needed to talk to him.

“Leo, would you excuse us, I need to talk to my friend, here.” Leo just nodded and followed you with his eyes as you walked out the room with Donnie. In the hallway you turned back to him.

“Donnie, what are you doing? I know I said hide our relationship in front of the other, but geez.” He looked at you with guilt in his eyes.

“I know, I’m sorry, I was just trying to disguise it as friendship, but I guess I overcompensated.” His arm came up to rub his neck. He was nervous. “I just want to be close to you all the time and it’s hard to hold back.”

“Listen, Don, we’ve been friends before all this ‘relationship’-stuff, so just act like normal, like my friend Donatello. You can touch me. I just meant no kissing and hugging and stuff.” You smiled trying to calm his nerves. His eyes began to lighten up.

“That’s good to know, I really didn’t know what to do.” He smiled sheepishly. You swung your arm around his and walked him back to the living room.

------

You walked into the lair not knowing what to expect, Donnie had texted you and had asked if you had time to come over. He had mentioned wanting to discuss something with you. You looked around the room not seeing anyone.

“Donnie?” you called out, hearing crashing and some curses, before Donnie came out of his Lab. You walked up to him and gave him a quick hug.

“So, what was it you wanted to discuss with me?” you asked following him to his room after he made the hand motion to come with him. He sat down on his bed and you did the same. He was fidgeting with his hands before looking at you.

“I want to ask for something, but if you don’t want to, it’s totally fine.” He said, his voice unsure. You just nodded so he continued.

“I know, I’ve been asking a lot of you, and I should be fine with what you give me, so feel free to decline, but I wanted to ask if you would like to…um, I-“ he began to stutter. You grabbed his hand to reassure him.

“It’s okay, Donnie, talk to me.” You smiled at him. He smiled back looking relieved.

“I’ve been craving your touch a lot lately and I thought maybe we could…cuddle?” you blinked, not saying anything for a few seconds. Donnie face turned nervous again.

“Ah, I knew it was too much to ask, forget I said anything.” He smiled at you giving your hand a squeeze. Your stomach whirled. Was it okay for you two to just snuggle? Couples do that all the time. And you weren’t really against it. Donnie, always against physical touch. It was funny how he totally threw that out the window with you. You felt kind of happy about that.

“Okay.” You just said. Donnie paused, confused, he never thought you’d actually agree to this.

“Are you sure?” No, you weren’t. If felt like you were overstepping some line and once you would cross it, there would be no turning back. But you ignored the feeling and took his other hand, so you were holding both.

“Yeah, let’s do it. Where do you want me?” you questioned him, and he looked at his bed.

“Uh, just lay down in front of me, I guess.” So, you did, you laid down on your side. He laid down behind you, his arms coming around your waist.

“Is this okay?” you felt his arm hoovering over your body, not yet touching you.

“Yes.” Your face started to heat up after he dropped his arm and snuggled close to you. His face at the back of your neck. You felt his breath on your skin. You suppressed a shudder. This felt nice, cozy even. You just laid there snuck against his plastron, breathing calmly. You closed your eyes. You could fall asleep like this. Warm and comfortable, this felt so natural to do with him, you were amazed.

You woke up, you were confused for a second, not knowing where you were, this wasn’t your room. But then you felt arms around you and you remembered. Donnie had asked you to cuddle. You had fallen asleep.

“You woke up.” Donnies soft voice came from behind you, he sounded like he was smiling. You rubbed your eyes.

“How long was I out?”

“About half an hour.”

“Oh.” You just said, in your tired state you snuggled closer to him. You heard his breath hitch. Then he loosened his grip on you.

“Thank you for this.” He spoke, very softly shaking your shoulder. “But my family will be here soon.”

You slowly opened your eyes again, sitting up. He was right, you did not want the others to see this. Why didn’t you want that again? You got up and stretched, then turning to face Donatello.

“I should go then.” You spoke quietly. He looked up at you.

“Yeah. Thanks again, for doing this.” You smiled at him bending down, giving him a quick peck.

“You’re welcome. Uh…see you later, right?” you asked timidly. Why were you so nervous all of a sudden.

“Yeah.” He answered with a woozy smile.

-------

 You sat on your sofa, you were waiting for April, she had asked you to help her with something. Apparently, she snatched an interview with some boss from a company that she deemed ‘super-duper-suspicious’, and you had to come with her. You didn’t mind, it was a good distraction from all the Donnie-drama.

Then you heard a knock. April is early? But you realized the knocking didn’t come from the door, but the window. You walked up seeing Donnie hovering in font of your window. You opened it up.

“Donnie? What are you doing here?” you asked.

“What do you mean? It’s time for our coffee-date, like always?” he looked confused. Shit. He was right, you totally forgot to call off your meeting. You felt horrible.

“Oh, Donnie, I’m sorry, I have to help April, I forgot to tell you, I can’t today.” His expression became sad then.

“What about later, then? He asked. You thought for a minute, you didn’t know how long the interview would go on, but you were sure you’d be exhausted when you’d be back home.

“…No, sorry, I don’t think I can make it.”

“Oh.” You could tell he was disappointed, but trying not to show it. Your stomach sank, he was making that expression again, the one you couldn’t stand to look at.

“Well, I’ll see you later then and be careful.” He started to fly off, when you grabbed his arm.

“Ah- I just, don’t make that face, Donnie. Is there a way I can make you feel better?”

You wanted to make him feel better, you did. He had just asked for some kissing. But it had turned into a full on make out session. The way he was kissing you against the living room wall made you weak in the knees. He was too good at this.

“Donnie.” You whispered. Pulling back a little. “April is going to be here any minute.”

“Just a little more.” He answered, his face serious. “Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah…okay.” And he immediately leaned back down, kissing you again. His hands had taken your wrist and pushed them down next to your head. His grip on you was strong, you realized. It kind of hurt. Then you felt his tongue against your lips, you gasped surprised. His tongue then slid inside your mouth. It felt amazing and you whined against his lips. After you heard the noise you’d made, you started to freak out but you didn’t want to push him away either. You agreed to kissing him, but now your heart beat so fast and loud you heard it in your ears. You began to tear up. What was going on with you. Donatello pulled away then.

“I love you.” He huffed, but after realizing that you were crying, he withdrew his hands from you. Then he saw his Handprints on your skin, he took a step back from you, ashamed.

“No.” he said, his voice desperate. “I forced you again.”

“What? No, Donnie, we both agreed to this!” But he shook his head.

“Damn it, I want to treat you gently, it’s like I lose myself every time I touch you.”  Donnie knew why you were crying. You grimace told the whole story of you wanting to return his feelings but couldn’t. He forced you into this relationship, and he was beginning to regret it. In that moment the back of your hand tapped his chest.

“I didn’t agree to kissing you, to make you feel bad, you know? Don’t get in your head.”

He looked like he wanted to say something but a knocking on the door had you both looking to the entrance. It was April. You ushered Donnie out of the Window.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said, pecking his cheek, closing the window and opening the door.

-----

You laid in your bed with your face in the pillow. You had to organize your emotions and feelings. That was the task you wanted to achieve today.

You knew you liked Donnie, in the sense that his feelings were important enough to you to not ignore them. You also wanted to protect him. But you weren’t sure if that counts as romantic feelings. The fluttering in your stomach and your raised heartbeat could just be your nervousness.

This whole thing was taking a toll on you, even April commented on the dark rings under your eyes. You were worrying about returning Donnies feelings constantly, so much so that some nights you couldn’t sleep. Was it even possible to fall in love trough hard work, you’ve never heard of it.

“Shiiiiiiit.” You felt tears on your cheeks.

Maybe you could stop trying and let it come naturally, Donnie was smart, charismatic and for you he tried to be really considerate. But you wanted your love to come as fast as possible, to make him feel better, you didn’t want to cause him any more pain. But for that to work you’d have to fall for him, and you wanted to, but you’ve never been in love before and you didn’t know what to feel, this wasn’t like that kid in your kindergarten at all.

Wait.

You wanted to get you mind in order. You tried again.

If you’d confess your feelings for Donnie and he would recognize that your feelings weren’t real, he would make that awful face again, which scared you.

You did not want to hurt him, because he was important to you. You liked him. Yes, you did. If it’s romantic you weren’t sure, but you wanted to let him know these feelings that you had.

You wiped the tears from your eyes and began running, grabbing your jacket you made your way to the lair.

You excitedly climbing down the stairs. You wanted to tell Donatello about your feelings as fast as possible. You were almost all the way down, when your excitement caused you to lose footing and fall down. You hit the ground, but feeling no pain you looked down, seeing you fell onto Donnie himself. You got up, now sitting on top of him.

“Donnie!” you shouted. “Just the guy I wanted to see.” He groaned, holding his head.

“You need to be more careful when you climb the ladder, ow.” But you didn’t care about that at this moment.

“I have to tell you something!” you said eagerly. He just laid there, peering up at you.

“I want to tell you that I li-“ You were interrupted by Donnie pushing you off of him, when you got up again to ask him why he did that you saw his brothers coming in.

“They are gonna see.” Donnie whispered to you. You clenched your teeth. You were the one who told him that, you knew. But the rules were unimportant right now. His brothers came up to you.

“Hey guys.” Leo said. “What’re you doing on the floor?” You stopped to think, maybe confessing your feelings to Donnie in front of his brothers wasn’t such a good idea. You searched for an exit.

“We wanted to buy some coffee. You guys want anything?” you asked.

“Sure.” Raph spoke up. “I’ll get a-“ But you didn’t listen to the 3 boys telling you their order, you just looked at Donnie, he was eying you suspiciously.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, got it, we’ll be going then, won’t be long, buh-bye now!” you got up, pulling Donnie with you.

You two were walking the street toward the coffee-shop. Donnie looked at you from the side. He saw your dark circles under and the redness around your eyes. You had been crying again and now you wanted to tell him something. He had a bad feeling about this.

You came to a stop in front of the big store window and peeked inside. There were a lot of people. So many in fact, that you both decided you would go in alone to get the coffee, so people wouldn’t see Donatello. Which was okay for you, you could wait a few minutes before confessing to him.

As you waited in line you glanced outside. Donnie was leaning against a lamppost scrolling on his phone. You smiled. All of a sudden you felt a hand brush your butt. You froze, did you imagine that? Then you felt it again, this time the hand was slightly groping your ass. Instead of fighting back like you had thought your body would do in this situation, he betrayed you, completely freezing up. You thought of Donnie, but you couldn’t let him be seen. Shit. You were scared, terrified. This didn’t feel right, you tried to will your body to move. Your eyes started to burn and you blinked, feeling tears escape. When you heard the guy behind you pant, you lost it, you fought your stupor and rushed out of the building. You heard Donnie calling your name, but your mind was in fight or flight, and since you didn’t fight the guy, you ran.

It didn’t take long for Donnie to catch up to you. You still made it all the way to the park, where you and Donnie always drank your coffee. He pulled you back.

“(Y/n), Hey! What’s going on?” Your eyes darted in his direction unseeing. You were in a state of pure panic. Donatello understanding that, sprang into action. Pulling you down to sit on a bench he spoke to you in a calm voice.

“(y/n), you are currently having a panic attack.” He started. Rubbing circles on your back.  “I want you to know that whatever scared you is no longer here, you are safe. I understand that you are frightened, but I need you to try and breathe.” He helped you by taking some inhales and exhales together with you. After a few minutes you had calmed down enough for him to get an explanation out of you.

“-and then I heard him pant behind me and I just ran away.” Donnie couldn’t believe what he had heard. He would search for the security camera footage, he would find that guy, he would hunt him down, and he would kill him for touching you. Seeing his plotting-face you gently touched his arm.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Donnie, I can’t see you when you’re in jail.” You laughed. But Donatello was confused.

“Why didn’t you call out to me. I could’ve helped you, you know? I would’ve stomped that guy into the ground for touching you.” You blinked at him.

“I couldn’t.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Donnie, people would have seen you!” Donnie stared at you perplexed.

“Who cares about that while their being harassed?” You began to cry again.

“I DO! When he touched me, I thought about you, but I couldn’t risk you being exposed. And what if you hit him, the police would’ve been called, you’d be found out, you’d go to jail and it’d be all my fault.” You wailed. “When I realized that I stopped myself from calling out to you. You being uncovered, that’s even scarier.”

Donnie had listened to you intently. His hands were balled to fists.

“You know, ever since we started dating, all you have done is cry.” You looked down. He continued.

“I don’t understand it, it’s my first time after all. Loving someone this much. Wanting them all to myself. Wanting to cherish them. Wanting them to smile more. Wanting to change who I am for them.” He took a breath. “Earlier, if it were April or Sunita with you, you would have asked them to help, right?” He began to grin humorlessly. “I can’t even protect you, all I do is make you cry and force you into things and then wind up hurting you myself. I’m the worst.”

He got up from the bench then. You kept looking down.

“I’ll break up with you.” Your eyes widened. “For making you go out with me and for falling in love with you, I’m sorry.” Your brain didn’t compete what he had said. As he took his first step away from you, you heard voices coming closer. Leo, Mickey and Raph were making their way towards you.

“What are you doing here?” Donnie said, he really didn’t feel like talking with them at the moment.

“You told us it won’t be long, that was an hour ago!” Mickey said, worry in his tone. Right, you wanted to bring them all coffee, you totally forgot.

“There was an incident at the coffee-shop.” Donatello said. He looked down at you again, but you didn’t react to anything. He sighed.

“Let’s go home. (y/n) wants to be alone right now.” He ushered his brothers away, wanting you to have some time to yourself.

It all came crashing down on you. Donatello just dumped you, deciding to do that all on his own again. You wanted to go after him. But you hesitated. Maybe it was the best for both of you.

You bend over and laid your arms and head on your knees. Your eyes fell on a purple leather wallet on the floor. Wasn’t that Donatellos? You had seen it when he bought the Pizza. You picked it up and opened it. A piece of paper fell out. You reached for it folding it up. You read what was written on the little note, you breath hitched.

·       don’t get mad when they talk to others.

·       Hide that we’re dating

·       Don’t touch them in front of the others

·       Don’t touch them until we both agree

He wrote down the promises he made with you. The piece of paper looked worn and crumbled. It was proof that Donatello had read and reread and reread them over and over. You were sure that in moments where he didn’t know what to do, he vowed to at least hold these promises.

Your stomach fluttered and your heart beat faster. These two things happening a lot lately. You thought it was just nervousness, but you finally got it. It wasn’t nervousness at all.

Donatello, he’s an idiot, he’s narcissistic, he stubborn, he’s cocky, he’s arrogant, he’s a pain in the ass…But you didn’t want to lose him. Thoughts rushed inside your head. You were scared that whatever you were feeling wasn’t romantic, and when you thought about it, it wasn’t typical romance at all. The way you felt so comfortable with him and the way he would touch you making you weak. It wasn’t just a crush. What you were feeling for Donatello was love!

You got up wanting to run after him.

“Dona-“ you stumbled over your feet, falling down. You panicked.

“NOOO!” you screamed. Donnie turned around.

“I don’t care about protection and I don’t care about crying because of you, I don’t care, you make me feel safe, and you make me smile way more than you make me cry. Those are all part that I love about you!” You cried louder. He started racing in your direction.

“Don’t go!” he ran faster.

“Stay!” almost there.

“Stay by my side!” he finally reached you and he fell to his knees hugging you.

“I won’t leave, I’ll stay with you.” He panted. You hugged him tighter. Suddenly he stirred.

“Wait, you love me? Why didn’t you say anything?” He questioned you.

“I know, I just realized today! That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” You pulled back a little. Seeing his troubled expression, you smiled softly. “I’m sorry I made you wait, Donnie.” He blushed hugging you again.

“Aww, isn’t this just cute.” You heard Raph say from further away. Donnie pulled back then, holding you by your shoulder an armlength away, rubbing his eyes.

“Shit, sorry.” He started to say but you interrupted him with crashing your lips on his. After you pulled back you looked at his flushed face.

“Forget about the stuff you got written down. Instead- never ever let me go again!” Donnie began to smile, then he held out his hand.

“Promise.” He said as you shook his hand.

[eirian]

so ash coyote uploaded a new episode of the fandom documentary series and it was about inflatables so of course i had to watch it lol

but like damn dude. it made me rethink my relationship with/view on inflatables and the people that are into them. i'll be honest--i do a lot of pool toy/inflatable art and ych stuff and commissions on my 18+ furry twitter. for the longest time i honestly thought it was just another kink/fetish scene and thats why so many people were into it. i'm definitely guilty of that line of thinking lol.

but the documentary gave so much actual insight into the community and like...man i feel bad for chalking it up to another fetish (which isnt bad if it was, but still). these people shared their views on inflatables and how they're comfort items, they're ways to build a community around a fun hobby, they're escapes from trauma and ptsd, theyre just...generally a way to get in touch with your inner child and have fun. and honestly? thats fucking beautiful.

it made me realize that its just like the furry fandom as a whole. SURE, there are people in the fandom that are attracted to it as a fetish/kink. thats undeniable. but thats not what the community and fandom is about at its core. it's part of it, but it's not what makes it. and inflatables are literally the same. some people have an inflatable fetish, yeah. but thats not what its about! and again i feel really bad for going in assuming that about the people who like inflatables.

anyway. if you wanna watch the video i'll embed it here (it's sfw of course):

[vollb3r]

Oh, another Voller/Klaber shipper! Hi!! Just like with Spider, you can scream with me about them any time if you want. There's still so little of us, feel free to dm me!

What are some of your headcanons after seeing the movie?? (Besides the one that they should have kissed during the plane scene, because they absolutely should. I bet they did in the last second, though, when the camera wasn't inside of the plane anymore. :))

OMG HELLO :] i'm so excited to be meeting more vollber fans rn, plz don't be afraid to dm me either because i have LITERALLY SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THEM omg sorry i took so long to answer but as for headcanons (and other silly thoughts since i know i'll probably go crazy here), these are a few that are dancing around my head rn!! :))

• dragon riders - i think it'd be very snazzy if when archimedes found voller and klaber's bodies in the plane wreck they were immortalized in history as "the dragon riders," indiana jones finding a picture of them in that tomb like how he and helena found that picture of the phoenix with propellers representing their plane and he's like "jesus fuck not these homos again" LMAO

• klaber has adhd & dyslexia - i'm neurodivergent myself and i find this very fitting, klaber's impulsivity and horrific german just speaks to me and i also adore the idea of voller being the only one to accurately recognize this and help him rather than pinning the "dumb country boy" stereotype to him (although i love this flavor of klaber too)

• voller on tv - a lot of documentaries were made about ww2 after its end, voller never even considered the possibility of this happening and being a renowned nazi scientist, he becomes the subject of quite a few of them but what he doesn't know is that klaber has rewatched each and every one of them at least a hundred times for the simple fact that they're about his beloved boss that couldn't possibly do anything wrong (and he thinks young voller looks smoking hot ofc)

• this one is very nsfw so don't read any further than this if you're not a fan of that kinda stuff but anyways horny klaber - klaber's sex drive is fucking RIDICULOUSLY strong and it's not hard to tell, a single whiff of voller's cologne has that man foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog and there's nothing anyone can do about it because klaber's the golden boy and if he can get away with shooting up the literal apollo 11 parade, he can get away with humping every available piece of furniture within a 100 mile radius too (or alternatively voller's leg)

• slightly nsfw but klaber's accent - voller is fucking IN LOVE with it but he'd throw himself off a bridge before ever admitting it, hauke complains that voller is constantly correcting him on his german but despite klaber's being significantly worse, he never says a thing about his and then one day it clicks and he's just like "oh" 😰 LMAO

• MORE NSFW SORRY LMAO but sexy time - klaber definitely calls voller herr voller in bed regardless of whether he's topping or bottoming, voller actively encourages this with a "guter Junge" (good boy) each time ;)

THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD BUT SHOOT ME A MESSAGE AND I CAN DM YOU MORE THAT COME TO MIND IF YOUD LIKE BECAUSE MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT GOES AT LIKE THE SPEED OF LIGHT :]]

[disneyprincemuke]

since 🙄🙄 u wont 🙄🙄 tell me abt that mick wip 🙄🙄 im gonna tell u about this max fic idea brainrot i have.

the prompt - “where did you go? who are you now?”

essentially it’s abt this girl max was teammates with during his f3 era (which was a gazillion years ago hello) and in literal every form of documentary of them theyre literally just the cutuest. they adore and respect each other and was very good friends,

BUT people are only asking about her now on this present day when they found said old videos and interviews of them both that were (formerly) long lost in the internet somewhere and people start questioning; what happened to her? where did she go? why did she just disappear off the face of this planet??

and quite frankly, idk what happened to her either cause thats where my ideas decided to stop. cause tbh the only thing i can think of is from the prompt itself 😭

so so so its just what f1twt keeps talkin about for a good week or month or yknow that thing how theres that monthly or yearly tweet about her on the tl like “theyre my roman empire. shes my roman empire.”

thats it really i personally think u would absolutely eat this up

tine, i remember reading this when you sent it in smiling and giggling and then you said you don’t know what happened, and i can’t tell you how fast my smile dropped 😭

tbh, i’ve thought about making this a full fledged fic but i wouldn’t know how to go about it either… other than the fact that max having a close friend that suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth is very on brand for him for some reason

wouldnt it be funny if she disappeared ONLY from the world of motorsport because she went on to do better things, but nobody knows that she’s actually still very much involved with max’s life and they’re actually kind of dating? haha anyway

[ghoulodont]

Yeah, the removal of the stomach tattoo is kind of sad, but it’s his decision ultimately ( even though many of us are attached to it! I know that I am!)

I’m gonna share my theory on it - and its just my theory and I could be way off)

He got it done when he was very young (like 17-20 or something- I am gauging this off of the chest tatt that he said was his first which he got that at 17)

I listen to a lot if black metal and death metal and back in the day many if those musicians went by crazy stage names - the more “shocking” and satanic the better. Many still have them like Nergal (Behemoth) Gaahl (Gorgoroth) hey- even Mary Goore was a stage name for TF’s Repugnant days, etc. I read somewhere that Per’s was from a stage nam originally “Goat Sodomizer”. (Oooh- vewy vewy much Satan, lol) Anyway- who knows if thats 100% true or not. I could be way off!

Anyway, getting back to the young thing- many of us make kind of questionable choices or do dumb shit when we’re young. I know I did a ton of dumb shit that I kind of regret doing and cringe when I think about how I thought it was cool 20 years ago. Maybe the belly tattoo was just that- a thing he thought was cool back then but now he’s outgrown it? I guess we will never know. It is interesting that he wants to get rid of it. He mentioned that it was excruciatingly painful to get the stomach tattoo. I have heard that tattoo removal is even more painful!

i think he got it when he was young but not super young. theres definitely a photo from the katatonia documentary where he doesnt have it and i think he started working with them when he was maybe 22 or something. this is the kind of thing i often feel compelled to go on a long creepy search to verify but i wont.

ive heard the same story about the origin of the nickname. i think ive also heard that it started as a joke/not serious. but i think whats more relevant is that its how he introduced himself in interviews and such for a long time.

while its certainly possible that its just something he did when he was young and dumb and he doesnt like it anymore, i really was getting the impression it was about more than just the tattoo. thats what i keep thinking about. i have more thoughts but i dont know how i feel about psychoanalyzing him publicly based on a handful of interviews and an instagram live

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Okay I'll write in points here because it's long

It started with Freddie saying something like they are gonna stay together until they die and I thought how poignant it is in hindsight.

I loved Brian May's insights the starting was very sweet with him telling us that him and Freddie shared rooms for a decade, that he knows him really well and about how shy he was until firmly saying that he was gay even if people don't want to believe it. There was another person saying the same thing, I forgot her name but I think it's unfortunate that it's really common for people to outright ignore or deny any queer artists' identity just because they don't want to deal with whatever biases they have going.

Roger Taylor was really mad about the media/tabloids attacking Freddie and I get it especially The Sun because it's still trash today. Just vile and immoral for no reason.

Then it went to them saying that the band had a guess of what's going on with Freddie because they saw him disappear for treatments and coming back with scars but not wanting to believe it so they just never brought it and made a whole album before Freddie ultimately told them.

All the pictures with Jim Hutton were really cute I have to say and his sister saying that she was told that he was the gardener but he was around every time she went to her brother's house so she put 2+2 together lol.

The minute Anita Dobson came on screen I was trying to remember where I had seen her then I remembered it was the doctor who clips that were going viral on Twitter. But she seems so sweet and she had really cute story about how she became friends with Freddie and how he introduced her to Jim. She did say that Freddie told her when he couldn't sing anymore he'll die and that's she thinks what happened. She also seemed really sad that she lost contact with Jim I guess they were close.

Also I got more songs from this documentary so I'm really happy about that, I just googled the lyrics.

I didn't know Elton John was really close with Freddie, he seemed so heartbroken in all the videos they played of him.

Also Joe Elliot was there that was a surprise, was he friends with Freddie? I know I have heard Robert Plant talk about Freddie Mercury before. I secretly adore the idea of all these frontman that people like to pit against each other being friends in real life.

I might watch the tribute concert or atleast the George Micheal's part of it, he sounded so good and David Bowie was clapping from the sidelines during the rehearsal ( I get it, he was superb )

I feel like I got insights to the entire band' dynamic so thats nice because we have all heard Bands going like oh we like each other, we are a family but when one of you is gone and how the rest treat their memory is the true test of that.

I'll respond in bullet points lol

Brian was great in the documentary, and is one of Freddie's most consistent defenders, especially in regards to his sexuality. I love when Brian talks about knowing Freddie so well through sharing rooms and talking about his shyness, because you can just feel the fondness there and get the distinct sense that he loved Freddie the human being as opposed to the showman, which can't be said for everyone who knew Freddie

Yeah, The Sun was particularly vile, and the band really hated the press. Brian wrote the song "Scandal" in 1989 for the album, The Miracle, because the press was hounding Freddie (and Brian about his affair and divorce, but that's another story). I can't remember if this documentary mentioned it, but the fact that the press had set up a camera to see into Freddie's bathroom is just so vile

The Miracle is the album that they made before Freddie told them the truth. If you listen to the album, there are a couple songs hinting at what's going on, because as you saw, the band knew something was wrong. Fun fact: one of Brian's favorite songs that Freddie wrote is "The Miracle" because Freddie was able to write about beautiful things while he was sick

Lol yes, Kashmira knowing that Jim was Freddie's partner was funny

Yep, Anita was in Doctor Who! Her most famous role was in EastEnders in the 80s. There's another interview where she talked about an episode of that show being viewed by millions of people, and overnight people knew her face, and Freddie called her up like, "Guess who's in the paper, darling ;)" Anita was a true friend to Freddie and visited him while he was ill with Brian. Yeah, her theory that Freddie stopped fighting when he couldn't sing anymore lines up...Freddie's last song was "Mother Love"; Brian was the one who wrote it, but Freddie had to go home before it was finished because he was feeling unwell. He said he'd be back, but he never returned to the studio...And yeah, that doc revealed that Anita kept in touch with Jim to some extent. I really wonder what that relationship was like

Yes, Elton John was very close to Freddie! He still tears up when he talks about receiving a Christmas gift from Freddie a mere month after he passed...

I can't remember with the Joe Elliott thing tbh. I think he knew Freddie? I also feel like I'm remembering that he called up Brian after Freddie passed to check in on him, so maybe he was on friendly terms with the band, yeah

The doc does show how close the band was towards the end and how protective Brian and Roger are of Freddie's memory at the very least, yeah. It's really a great doc and I'm glad you watched it and got something out of it

[alowlycaterpillar]

The only rule in navigating disabilities and chronic illnesses (in my house, at least): no giving up.

You can be tired and need rest and you can even stop sometimes, but in my house of exclusively disabled beings, we do not give up.

What I mean when I say this is that being disabled is hard and tiring and really fucking miserable sometimes, and it is often easier and more comfortable to give up on things, even when that's not the best thing for us. After getting sick I spent a long time letting myself abandon the things that were good for me because I would be sick either way so it felt pointless, and this ultimately made me sicker. I would wake up with blind ambition, and when I found I could not do one thing I would give up on all of the other things, too, and it took a long time to unlearn. After watching my partner go through a similar negative feedback cycle, we agreed on a new rule - No Giving Up.

So what does "no giving up" look like?

For us, it looks like a lot of things:

- waking up for class and not having the mental energy to attend, totally okay, we'll skip class, but we are not going back to bed. We are awake and we are going to do something, even if thats scrolling tiktok for the time that class should have been.

- cancelling plans to visit friends, that's alright socializing is hard, but we are not staying inside to wallow about it. We are walking down the street to the beach to drink iced tea and watch the sunset.

- calling in sick to work is necessary sometimes, but that time was worth money, so we're gonna use it like money and spread it out. We're gonna load the dishwasher and play with the cat and watch a documentary that teaches us something new.

No Giving Up means accepting that half-assed is better than not at all, and if all you have to give is one asscheek worth of effort, you still gave it your all. It means destroying every black and white thought before it has room to bloom - some is allowed.

Clear some of the counter.

Cook some of the dinner.

Drink some of the water.

Write some of the email.

Watch some of the tutorial.

Things can be left incomplete and done halfway or even a quarter or an eighth. Some is enough. Some is brilliant. Some is 100% more than there was before and that is everything.

Some is the blatant and enthusiastic refusal to give up.

Reconcile with Some. Some is enough.