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deadn30n · 5 months

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happy early 2024 !

posted a bit early as i'll be going to bed relatively soon, but i wanted to say something to usher in the new year!

as some of you know, i've been in the RPC for a very long time, but took a well needed hiatus a year or so back. i only recently returned mid-November && have not regretted that decision for a second. ♥ it's only been a month and a half, but it's been the best month and a half i've ever spent on this site. i admit i was nervous to return for a variety of reason ( mostly avoiding some rather negative people i originally split from this site to escape from ) but i've come to find that this space space i've built has fostered so much positivity for me, and i'm very grateful for that. i'm grateful for all the new friends i've made, all the connections i've forged, the writing i've done, and the plots i've gotten to explore! && as the new year approaches, i'm walking it into with quite a few new aspirations and hopes. i'm really, really thankful to everyone who's given me the time and chance to reach out and make a connection. to the people who've talked to me and told me they're excited for the release of my book, for my return to the vtubing community, for the times we play games together and just goof off.

i hope you know how much you all mean to me. i wish i could tag EVERYONE in this post but tumblr would kick my ass, but just know that i'm truly and honestly grateful and honored to have met the people that i have and look forward to talking more with all of you and getting to know you better. there are a few people i want to single out to shower with love who've supported me or have even known me from the LAST TIME i was on the site lmao

@goldenfists : you should already know you'd be the first on my list Joo Joo Bean. my beloved. we've known each other for what... 3 years now? roughly that, give or take, but you have no idea how much you really mean to me. from the moment we met i knew you were someone i wanted to keep in my circle. i adored you and still do; you've seen the changes i've gone through, the growth i've made, and supported every positive decision i've made. even when i finally built my first oc, and your first incentive was to foster a relationship between sett and eden and letting me know that you LOVED my creatives when i was so scared to take that first dive into making an oc. i love you so much dude. ;_; i'll never forget how you teased me on stream about my pronunciation of your name but then insisted i kept pronouncing it like that because you thought it was cute. i wish you knew just how much you mean to me, because words aren't enough to justify my feelings toward you. i love you Joo Joo Bean, i love you to the moon and back, and i can't wait to see what 2024 has in store for you and i, and our little blorbos @empyreous : ELLE!!!11 ELLE!!!!1 MY BELOVED PARTNER IN CRIME ON LEAGUE!!!! we haven't known each other for very long but god have i LOVED writing with you and goofing off in my favourite games. you've given me a brand new love for league and you're so fucking talented with your ocs and your writing that i'm just chomping at the bit for us to keep going. i literally can't wait to see what we end up developing for these silly little dudes and it makes me so very happy to have you in my corner. i wish you only the best in the world and i'm certain 2024 will give us so many more funny memories to cherish. save me eboi.... eboi save me....

@seeksmoon / @seekslight : softie you loveable little shit. you boyfriend stealing monster ( affectionate ). actually, if i was gonna share my boyfriend with anyone, it'd gladly be you. BUT JOKES ASIDE i'm really delighted we met and hit it off as well as we did. the way you write both alune and lux have me going GRRRRR BARK BARK BARK and i adore the dynamics we've started to built between yonealune and ezlux. we haven't had nearly enough time to hang out yet and that's a fucking CRIME if you ask me. i'm sure come 2024 though we'll have plenty of time to be a couple of goobers and mess around in league here on tumblr. you're such a sweetheart and even my bf talks so positively of you, and anyone that can make him happy makes ME happy. i hope you know you won't get rid of him and i so easily ♥ we enjoy hanging out with you, and we hope you do too :>

@ayahimes : astrid u ain't getting away from me i'm rapidly approaching ur location at mach 10. LFKDJASLKJDF i'm teasing i'm teasing but MAN i've had so much fun playing weague of wegends with you ( and looking forward to when we start playing ffxiv too ) but you're such a sweetheart man. a good energy, positive presence that i love being around ;v; i hope we'll get to play more in the future and chat more and get to know each other!! ♥♥♥

@mellodiies : misha all i'm gonna say is this year... you will be boiled.... ( this ask forever lives rent free in my head and i'm never going to stop laughing at this i hope you know ) ok but in all seriousness i'm so glad i worked up the courage to follow your blog because it's been a bucket of laughs and also seeing one of my childhood faves being doted over so lovingly just makes me so!!!!!!!!!!! i hope this year we'll be able to write ( and even if we don't i'm also content just observing your shenanigans bc they always brighten my day ). thank you for filling my dash with the little pep in my day that i need, you're a fucking goober and i adore you for it

@vulpesse : hi bunnie!! we never really got much of a chance to chat before ( we did get to write a bit in the past though, which i enjoyed! ) but i want you to know that you are one of my biggest inspirations on this site and i was so goddamn happy when i found you again that i hit the follow button so fast i think i broke my finger LMAO but seriously.... you're great. you have such a wonderful energy about you and you're so unbelievably talented with an indomitable spirit. i love seeing your posts every day, and i'm glad to share this same space as you! ♥ please never change, you truly are such a bright light in an otherwise murky world

@heartate : plum u know i couldn't forget about my favourite edgy thot. i fuckin love u dude. it's crazy to think we've known each other for like what? 10 years? like christ. and even though those first few years weren't filled with the happiest of memories, it's been my honor to be able to make amends with you. i always appreciated you for approaching me with that heartfelt apology. i never resented you, and even less so now that i knew the kind of awful situation you were put through back then. you didn't deserve the pain and abuse you went through, and i'm glad you're finally able to break free and grow. flourish and fill the world with your light, because you're a good person and i firmly stick by that notion. no matter what happened between us in the past, you've grown and i've adored watching it. i only hope you'll be able to continue to grow and enjoy the newfound freedom you have, and i am glad to be able to be by your side through it ♥ i'll always have your back miss rina, you can count on that :>

&& to some other lovelies who've made my time pleasant here; @lightshielded / @yoakkemae / @chiheru / @fairesky / @darkflyers / @attroxx / @mythcaels / @knifvd / @killerhubby / @erabundus / @mundmutter / @goddessrisen / @inhumann / @penddraig / @hiisfire / @raytm / @elicertis / @liightbringr / @un1awful / @vonerde / @gunrising / @cyneris / @trattcria / @cmdrace / @lovehungered / @trattcria / @pearlcure / @dnangelic / @starsenna / @nulltune / @toxichem / @longerhuman / @volonata / @misreputed / @ferinehuntress / @florspinae / @inufangs / @bishonenprince

&& to all of my lovely followers too! ♥ may your new year be filled with all the joy and love you deserve. may the new year treat you kindly and give you solace when you need it most. may the new year bless you with every bit of happiness you deserve c:

#« ooc tag. »#I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG POST LMAO #i decided to put it under a cut to spare you all #but ilu guys AAAAA

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buddiebeginz · 2 months

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I been trying to put into words some feelings I been having over the new ep and fandoms reaction. And look this is just me venting so please don’t sent hate.

First and foremost I can’t begin to tell you as someone who is bi how important this storyline and that ep with Buck is. How important them making Buck canonically bi is. There was a part of me that thought they’re not gonna do it but they did. My journey hasn’t been the same as Buck but in some ways I figured stuff out about my sexuality later in life too. When I was a kid I knew something was different but ultimately thought I was straight, and then as an older teen I came out as a gay, and only in my 30s did I realize I was bi. Not the same exactly as Buck or of other people who don’t realize or can’t except that part of themselves at all until later in life but still a journey. And I think it's so important for everyone lgbtq and straight to see that sexuality isn't this rigid box it's a part of us that can grow and change as we do.

I feel very personally connected to Buck and his storyline so I’m not trying to hate on it or him. And no matter who that kiss was with I’m glad Buck wanted it and he was happy and it awakened parts of him he’s likely not wanted to face or known how to face before now.

I also know Buck being bi exists separately from Buddie and is incredibly important whether Buddie were to happen or not. I have tremendous faith Buddie is going to happen eventually especially with how the storyline has been going and how the actors and Tim have talked about it. I also know Tommy isn’t sticking around. I guess I’m just missing our boys together. That episode was tough to watch in some ways because Buck felt like he couldn’t get Eddie’s attention (which is to be clear whose attention he actually wanted) and so right now we’re seeing the guys a bit disjointed which will continue it seems for some of the next ep.

Plus I’ve been seeing Buck/Tommy all over my dash and everywhere else online and it’s like again I get why I’m not telling anyone not to be excited over this ep. I am too.

I think part of it is I’m not a multishipper. Buddie is one of my favorite ships ever and I don’t like thinking of them with anyone else. I think it’s possible to be excited and happy about Buck coming out and about 911 finally doing this storyline while also wishing the guy he was kissing was Eddie. Again I know Buddie has to take time to happen it’s a slow burn and all that but we’ve also waited years.

It’s hard watching people love how Tommy kisses Buck or calls him Evan (which tbh I hate) or wondering what their ship name is. I've even seen people say they want Tommy to stay for awhile and some have even said they don't care if Buddie even happens now. I’m also starting to see Tommy/Buck fics clutter up the Buddie tag on ao3. People are even making gifsets comparing Buddie and Buck and Tommy basically saying Tommy treats Buck better.

I know the ep just aired and I know everyone is just enjoying how momentous this is and celebrating that it’s finally canon what we saw in Buck all along, still it feels like some people are already forgetting about Buddie.

And I know it's better that Buck has his first queer experience with someone else and gets to know himself better before Buddie happens officially. I know neither he or Eddie are ready for their relationship to move into that space just yet. I just love them and want to see them together finally. I don't want to see people forget about the amazing relationship we've watched grow over six years because whatever Tommy and Buck will share it won't compare to that. Eddie is Buck’s person and vice versa and I can’t wait for the day these two idiots figure that out.

#buddie #911 7x04 #buddie s7 #911!

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holocene-sims · 1 year

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15 oc questions!

i was tagged by @stargazer-sims - thank you so much!! ❤️ i've never done one of these tags in a character's voice, so it's fun to get extra practice writing as them 😊

i'll tag:

@dandylion240 @bl-sims-anime @idyllicephemera @elderwisp @nectar-cellar @minty-plumbob @crazykissim @mangosimoothie & anyone else who wants to do it!

ANYWAY i'm doing this for grant! idc if y'all have heard enough about grant, the honor goes to him

are you named after anybody?

my actual legal first name is joseph, which is my grandfather's name! so, uh, somehow yes, i am named after somebody! but i'm 99.9% sure it was out of laziness and not out of love. well, no, i'm 100% sure of that. it's not like my mom has ever respected her parents...but that's a whole different thing, we're not going there.

when was the last time you cried?

i'm a crybaby, come on! i'm known for being very emotional. i mean, sad animal commercials make me weepy. externally weepy. like tears running down my cheeks weepy. but the actual last time i cried? hmm, maybe like a week ago? i don't know if i could tell you why, though. i probably blocked it out of my memory! i'm great at that.

do you have kids?

do, uh, do cats count? because i do have a cat who i love and put sweaters on. sweaters! and he loves it.

do you use sarcasm?

it depends? sarcasm usually feels mean-spirited to me, so i'm not super into it, but then again, that's half the conversations i have with my family. i know in that case, though, that it's all bullshit humor and not serious. anyway, i think what i'm saying in a roundabout way is it depends a lot on context and audience. i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or be a dick. i like being nice.

what's the first thing you notice about people?

okay, listen, in the most normal and not at all weird way possible, people's hairlines are always what i see first. i've been the first witness to so, so many fake blondes accidentally showing their dark roots or to dudes going bald. i'm sorry! i'm just freakishly tall! i can't not look down at all your heads unless i'm kneeling down on the ground. i'm not trying to spy on or judge the state of your hair, i promise.

what's your eye color?

brown! justice for brown eyes, the best eye color. i love being able to go out in the sun and not have my eyeballs bleached by the light. also, there's really not that many brown eyes in my family, so that's kind of fun. i'm a special boy.

scary movies or happy endings?

why not both? i love a good blair witch project, final destination moment. i also love a nice mushy gushy romantic movie with a happy ending. hell, i'd watch both in the same evening. start off with a fucked up horror movie and end it with pride and prejudice. sounds like a perfect night to me.

any special talents?

probably not anything relevant? i mean, i've played skyrim on survival mode without dying before. oh, and i guess back when i was still playing hockey, uh, a decade ago, i could score with the michigan goal pretty easily, which isn't all that common. in high school, i got my school the state championship win with that skill. but meh, i don't know how many people in the world know enough about hockey to care about that.

where were you born?

michigan! the part everyone forgets about, aka the upper peninsula, aka diet canada.

what are your hobbies?

i like to think i'm a well rounded person. i enjoy the super basic stuff like listening to music, but i'm also into into video games and tabletop RPGs like d&d. cooking and baking are fun for me, too. i did get into art semi-recently as well. i kind of had to have something i could do while laying down, like, 24/7 after i had spinal surgery.

if you're ever bored, just go fuck up your spine. you'll have SO much time on your hands to get new hobbies. actually, don't. please don't. i've been suffering for years and will continue to. i'm dying. don't be me. pretty please. pinky promise.

oh, duh, i also forgot that i'm into astronomy and um, planes. look, i'm not a car guy, i'm a plane guy. that's more fun, right?

have you any pets?

he's a cat named turtle, so, like, you know, the best cat in the world. sometimes i think about getting him a cat friend to hang out with but then i worry he'd get jealous, so i haven't done it. who am i to say whether or not he wants to live with a friend? or a sibling? being alone is so valid. i respect that.

what sports do you play/have you played?

oh, well, like i said, i played hockey for a really long time, like from, hmm, i think kindergarten and on! i even got a scholarship in college to play hockey. i'm glad to be done, though. some things ruined it for me. long story. but these days, uhh, i don't play any real sports anymore. i like hiking, you know, and i do work out at least every other day because it makes me feel better in a lot of ways, but that's kind of it. my sports days are over. i don't even skateboard anymore and i used to do that all the time.

how tall are you?

like 6'7" - though, i am rounding down a little bit. yes, down. not up. also, don't ask me how i ended up that tall. i have exactly one relative who is also tall. hi, chelsea! anyway, i am an accident or one hell of a joke. i'm laughing, i swear. it's very funny.

favorite subject in school?

i was overall a good student because i studied pretty hard but i was for sure a science and math kid. i loved physics in high school. and then in college, i got some way more fun science and math classes. just so you know, i am really holding back right now from rambling like a total nerd loser about my college classes...

but i mean, if you wanna learn about, i don't know, quantum mechanics or flight control systems, hit me up.

dream job?

that's such an easy question! when i was really, really young, i wanted to be a weather man, but then i changed my mind and wanted to be a pilot because, i don't know, i hit that time in every child's life where they have to become obsessed with a form of transportation. but then i never let that obsession go. my parents wanted me to be a doctor the whole time, though, but eww, no, i'm good. anyway, the dream of flying planes never died and somehow it worked out. now if i could just, uh, you know, go back to that job soon, that'd be sick.

#tag games #hlcn: grant #hlcn: oc info #hlcn: story extras #i live for happy rambly silly goofy mood grant #he's so baby girl #he's also 100% the kind of person that says UHHH UMMM YEAH SO LIKE UMMM way too much #he's also definitely one of those people who cannot tell a coherent story #it's always “yeah so this happened OH AND WAIT UH SO LIKE YES ACTUALLY BACKSTORY FIRST okay so then next after that”#“anna write less than 50 words per question challenge” coming soon #jk we all know that's not gonna happen #it's the autism i must communicate unnaturally #also *continues talking* sorry i'm being so bad about asks and tag games recently #i'm not ignoring y'all i swear!! i'm just dying and drowning in homework

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vergess · 2 years

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So. Lots of pain meds at the moment, so this is a little bit nonsensical, but, I have been playing the newly released video game I was a teenage exocolonist (available on steam, not linked because tag visibility) while I am laid up in bed.

Lots of opinions, basically all positive. There's a specific thing I want to talk about in more detail, but this post got too long so I will just link a future post on the gender politics of nature, nurture, and future as presented by the twins Dys and Tang.

So instead here's my Most Recommendable Qualities (mostly free of spoilers):

Native linux compatibility:

you know how I am about that. I cannot believe I've become the very linux guy I so hated when I was working retail...

Upsettingly beautiful art

2D gaming is my first love but man the medium has come a long way since needing a flashlight to play pokemon. Sometimes I forget how far, and then games like this pop up with the gorgeous art and expressive characters, and I inevitably find myself wondering why the """"mainstream"""" video game market (in as much as such exists these days) focused so obsessively on photo realistic 3D when inevitably a well directed art style is what matters most.

The backgrounds and environments in the game are all extremely lush, with a gorgeous, colorful style that if I had become an art critic instead of a writing critic I would probably have better terminology to describe. Like, uh. Water colors or some shit. Stained glass. It's all very luminous fuck dude I don't know, the closest I'm going to get here is to write a poem and I'm not going to write a poem where the fuckign developers might see it. I need to be sober for that.

Characters:

I'm a character driven asshole, we all know this. It's why I read so much fanfiction and play so much melodramatic fantasy and spend several hours of my life openly sobbing about a single fucking issue of Sandman. So, you'll understand when I say, "people keep recommending me dating sims and I keep bouncing off of them because the characters never Do A Thing," what my major criticism of a lot of Large Cast Of Dateable Character games is.

None of those issues arise here. I've played a few runs now, making a conscious decision on each to focus on a specific character. One. SIngular. Except, the thing is, you can't do that. Not in the sense that the game won't "let" you. You could certainly just dump all of your time into skills and one character. And the timeline of the game would change to reflect your isolationism.

Characters you don't interact with during runs have their own "autonomous" storylines written, and each divergence your player character makes has its impacts meticulous tracked to create different character experiences every time, even as each character holds very tight to a narrow set of repeating traits. This only further emphasizes the fundamental strangeness of the player character, as the only one capable of being fundamentally different across timelines.

Also all the dateables are just, oh god, SO cute. And, by the time they are capable of fucking, very fuckable. Extremely attractive designs. Honestly everyone is super cute. The whole cast is magnificently designed. And that includes...

Monsters:

First of all, let's get the important personal opinions out of the way. I think I would fuck the antagonist....uh....commander, whatever his title is. He looks like a fucked up centaur and I'm into that. There are also Adequate Amounts Of Tentacles. If you've known me long, you know that is a high bar, but the game clears it admirably and with diversity!

The alien fauna are all very FUCKING COOL. There's a bit of throwaway dialogue from An Adult (your dad?) that talks about expecting the planet's ecosystem to be 'more alien' than it is, and I respect the space program's attempt a tpreparedness but for me, the whole uhhhhhh. Situation. With regards to the alien animals is PLENTY alien, and SO satisfying.

If you've ever been like, "god, I wish someone who wasn't orson scott card would do all the cool shit they did in fucking speaker for the dead" then by GOD is this the game for you.

Accessibility:

The content warnings are extremely detailed. I reviewed them all, and having seen several of the ones I was most worried about, I feel they accurately described the situations without spoiling them. I did end up upsetting myself rather badly with one thing which happened, but it is hardly the developer's fault that I misunderstood the context in which the "teenage pregnancy" CW would apply. I personally want to specify that (IN THE ROUTES I HAVE SO FAR PLAYED) the pregnancy is a very wanted, safe, and cherished.

The game players very well on controller, which is a must for me. There are a handful of UI elements that I have not yet been able to access by controller, but I think this is more a factor of my being bad at remembering buttons than the game's design. If you have a mouse, that will solve the issue entirely. My GF speaks highly of the keyboard and mouse gameplay.

Turning off screen distortions and weather effects generally made the game very visually understandable for me, with large, clear iconography. If you have significant visual impairments, I don't know if this is a good game to play. Picking up items on the ground can be tricky in some cases and there's nothing for eg a high contrast or greyscale mode if you need that kind of thing.

Good stability.

It's easy to forget that near-launch properties are supposed to be complete games that function well. This game is very complete (VERY, INTRICATELY, COMPLETE) and very stable. With as complicated as the sets of cause-effect-timelines are, I expected it to be much easier to create minor paradoxes in dialogue.

So far, the only time events have seemed to happen slightly out of sequence due to relationship progression or what ever else, was when I made a conscious effort to be as obnoxious as possible at one point just to see if I could make it misbehave.

I haven't been able to make it crash from within the game so far. I'm hardly a Q.A. tester anymore, but I do tend to be pretty aggressive to my games, so I feel confident in saying it'll run steady for you if you get it.

Politics etc:

The queerness is all very excellent, super queer in very believable ways, especially given the cultural aspects of the worldbuilding. Characters behave queerly outside of just all being bi-for-the-player. The trans characters were all extremely appealing to me with strong characterization that included but did not obsess over their genders. There are at least 2 trans teens in the player character's peer group and 2 trans adults of very different ages and character types, and there's even a cute little intergenerational trans solidarity bit you can get sometimes. In addition, of course, to the ridiculously complete gender personalization.

You would not believe how many games forget that "bro" and "cowgirl" are gendered terms, but this one remembers.

The racial politics are, from my perspective, adequate to not interfere with my gameplay experience. The human characters do consistently refer to the environment and native animals in very colonialist terms but they're literally colonizing the planet so.... The point is, there is not a native people being eradicated, though there are... territory wars(? I guess.) with both wild animals and antagonist peoples.

If you're particularly sensitive to colonial narratives, handle with care, but I felt the writing in the routes I've seen so far handled most of the issues well. Plus I mean. THe title. Is "teenage exocolonist" like. I think the whole "colonialism is a major narrative theme" ituation should be made clear bythat.

In terms of the human diversity it's pleasingly broad. There are characters of all ages, builds, complexions, races, personality types. There's a massive range of disabilities both physical and mental, as well as plenty of fun sci fi accomodations.

I mean just among the dateables I can remember top of the head, theres:

ambiguously asian twins who really said Autism Has Two Genders,

ambiguously brown fat girl with developmental disability,

ambiguously brown Gym Bro (derogatory) who is, and this is true, literally named 'ambiguously brown

ambiguously white farmboy who has clearly been eating his space wheaties and also helps invent space cannabis with your dad

unambiguously black girl who looks the autism twins dead in the eye and said 'no autism has one gender and is me'

unambiguously white tomboy who goes full samus

Venom but he's a twink now

There's something here for everyone, all of these characters are super fascinating concepts honestly. I know I keep harping on that but it's true so there.

Scenario writing:

It's a bit difficult to separate the player character writing from the scenario writing for reasons that rapidly become clear in the game. Both are very good, though, so that's fine. The writing is just really very good.

The variations on the timeline that you are able to uncover through repeated play are fascinatingly diverse even as certain events remain immutable, and the whole thing really plays with the concept of time travel and the other-self so beautifully. Really one of my very favourite explorations of the topic already, and I've only seen... IDK 4 endings along 2 routes? And there's 29 endings???

It's very good. The point is that it's very good you should go play it.

It's on steam. It's app 1148760 on steam and it's very good, it's definitely worth more than what they're charging. I mean have you seen what a $60 console game looks like these days, and then this is like. $25 and SO very much.

#exocolonist #i was a teenage exocolonist #Exocolonist #I was a teenage Exocolonist #Spoilers #Exocolonist spoilers

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bcofl0ve · 2 years

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I posted 1,093 times in 2022

That's 1,093 more posts than 2021!

974 posts created (89%)

119 posts reblogged (11%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bcofl0ve

@dreamersparacosm

@elvisabutler

@lindszeppelin

@blainesebastian

I tagged 1,037 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#gossip time with mollie - 757 posts

#austin butler - 662 posts

#olivia dejonge - 212 posts

#kaia gerber - 132 posts

#elvis movie - 92 posts

#elvis - 91 posts

#austin butler x reader - 89 posts

#mollie talks about her life - 72 posts

#mollie talks writing - 52 posts

#austin butler headcanons - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i’m super curious who though like i feel like i gen can’t predict who else he might end up with if he stays in the hollywood dating bubble

My Top Posts in 2022:

Wherever You Go (I'll Follow)

pairing: austin butler x reader

summary: the cannes film festival is your first big press event and when your nerves get the best of you you're worried that austin will want someone who can keep up with his lifestyle. hurt/comfort with a lil' fluff.

a/n: i've written fic for years but this is my first time ever writing *insert person* x reader. still getting the hang of it, but i hope y'all enjoy it! and pls feel free to send me prompts!

xxx

You loved Austin, more than just about anything. You’d follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked you to, and more or less had been since Elvis production began just a few weeks after you got together. Having only met through him coming into a restaurant you worked at you’d expected to feel like an outsider among the Hollywood hullabaloo, and it was a nice surprise to find the opposite to be true. The cast and crew had become family over the past few years, and having a front row seat to your boyfriend’s performance of a lifetime was something you’d never forget.

Promotion season kicking into gear, however, had been making your head hurt. And the Cannes premiere rounded the corner while you were still struggling to find your footing in it all.

Austin could sense your nerves from the moment you got to the hotel in France, and had arranged for his driver, Mikey, to drop you at a side entrance to avoid the press going in. But you’d stopped him from making the same arrangement for after the screening.

“This screening is the first night of the rest of your life Aus,” You’d said in bed the night before, Austin carding a hand through your hair as you looked up from where you were resting on his chest. “There’s nothing I want more than to walk out of the theater with you celebrating that.”

Nerves and all, you meant every word.

It turned out to be easy enough to forget about what was coming after when the film started to roll, Austin squeezing your hand and chewing nervously on his bottom lip as the Suspicious Mind vocals filled the auditorium. You alternated between watching the movie and watching him, the look in his eyes all you’d wanted for him throughout this whole process. This was it. He’d “made it” in every sense of the phrase.

The twelve minute standing ovation was a nice touch too, you thought, Austin grabbing you around the waist with one arm and swiping at his teary eyes with his free hand.

“I’m so proud of you,” You whispered in his direction and he pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to the top of your head with a soft “Thank you baby,”

As things started to quiet down and people began trickling out, he looked between you and the door, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Are you sure you’re okay to walk with us? I can call Mikey and have him bring the car around the back for you, we shouldn’t be that long,”

You shook your head, taking his hand in yours and intertwining your fingers. “I’m okay,”

He didn’t look like he completely believed that, but before he could question it you were being shuffled out the door behind Baz, everyone else falling behind the three of you.

You’d known that you’d be stepping out of the building into a decent amount of chaos, but the instantaneous flashing and yelling still made you flinch in surprise, Austin squeezing your hand three times as you crossed the threshold.

One of his managers, Kayla, weaved her way through the crowd behind you to his opposite side, doing a one over of both sides of the barricades. “We’re just going to take some photos, greet some fans and we’ll be out- no interviews and if someone tries just thank them for their time and walk,” She whispered, and gave you both a shoulder squeeze before disappearing again.

The two of you kept walking, and you tried to focus on your boyfriend as opposed to the hoards of strangers.

“Austin, is that your girlfriend?” Someone yelled and when you turned your head to see who you were damn near blinded by flashing cameras, your heart started to race in your chest. Your relationship hadn’t been a secret, but it wasn’t exactly huge public knowledge either, this event marking the first time that it would be.

“Sure is, beautiful right?” Austin shouted back and you managed a smile even with the anxiety that had started coursing through you, hoping that the photos being captured didn’t capture the tears you felt stinging behind your eyes.

You loved Austin to death. But this had quickly become overwhelming.

You felt his hand slip out of yours and blinked in confusion, quickly realizing Baz had tugged him over for a photo op, which would’ve been fine. If you weren’t suddenly standing alone in what felt like the eye of a hurricane.

Trying to reassure yourself under your breath, you wrung your hands together waiting for Austin to come back.

Starting to zone out, you didn’t realize he had come back until you felt both of his hands grabbing at your hips and heard him turning to the side to shout something you didn’t quite catch before turning back to you, lowering his voice.

“Y/N, our driver is right down there,” He said and pointed down the street at the familiar black car, one hand still massaging your side. “Kayla is gonna take you and I’ll be right there,” He continued and you felt even more nauseous now because you’d promised up and down you’d be fine only to ruin the biggest night of his career so far.

But before you could protest, Kayla swept you away, a protective hand on your back she hustled you down the street to the car. She grabbed a water bottle from the front seat to pass back to you, wearing a sympathetic smile.

Unable to stop the tears building from spilling out now that you were away from the crowd, you held the plastic with shaky hands.

“I feel,” You started, chest rising and falling faster than it normally did. “I feel horrible, this was such a big night for him and now all they’re going to be asking about is his girlfriend acting like a three year old over a little press,”

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523 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

bad idea

prompt: "Austin and reader are watching the 68 Comeback Special, reader is a huge Elvis fan and is getting super hot & bothered watching Elvis (so HOT in the special). Austin is amused and teases her and then it turns into smut with maybe some role play Austin as Elvis. Just my thoughts!"

ship: austin butler x priscilla actress!reader

warnings: SMUT!!! MINORS DNI!!! slightly unhealthy relationship dynamics

It wasn’t that you didn’t have your own perfectly good trailer just a few feet away. But you’d gotten into the habit of letting yourself into Austin’s whenever he was on set, a habit you didn’t think was possible to break at this point. And you weren’t even needed on set today, but you missed him and the perfect balm for that was sitting somewhere that was inexplicably Austin.

Not to mention that every time you surprised him in his trailer he was more than happy to see you.

You typically entertained yourself with a book or scrolling through social media, but today it was getting sucked down the rabbithole of Elvis videos on Youtube. You’d seen most of them, Austin having blown through more or less the entire digital library when you were quarantining. But something about the man just drew you in, and you understood now more than ever what the girls losing their minds at every performance saw in him.

It was a montage of clips from the ‘68 special that sucked you in on this particular day, and you were so engrossed in it that you didn’t hear the trailer door creak open, or realize Austin was there until he cleared his throat. You looked up abruptly, pausing the video.

“Whatcha watching?” He asked as he toed his shoes off and came over to join you on the bed, heat rising in your cheeks.

“Don’t make fun of me,” You said as he sat down, arm automatically falling around your shoulder as he glanced at your screen.

“Hey, I know that guy.”

You laughed, leaning your head against his shoulder when he unpaused it. Biting on your bottom lip, you could feel Austin’s wheels turning as he averted his eyes from the screen to you. He pulled you in closer to his side, fingers grazing the slither of skin where your shirt had ridden up.

Between what was going on on your laptop screen and Austin being well, the way he was, you weren’t sure how much longer you could mask the lust coursing through you.

“I didn’t know he did it for you.” He whispered and you swallowed thickly, squirming as he squeezed your thigh.

“He was a girl magnet back then for a reason,” You mumbled and heard Austin give a little “Mhm,” sliding his hand down to the waistband of your shorts. He waited for you to give an affirmative nod before he dipped his hand inside, and you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed as you felt him realize how damp you were.

“Christ,” He whispered, reaching forward with the hand that wasn’t down your pants to shut your computer and set it on the bedside table. When that was taken care of he flipped you over, crawling on top and slotting a knee between your legs, hands moving to take off your shirt and bra. When he moved his knee at just the right angle against your center a moan escaped you, your mind wandering back to what you had just been watching. Austin was everything to you, but something about the man he was portraying was just riling you up.

“E,”

You didn’t process what you’d just let slip out of your mouth until you felt Austin freeze and pulled away from where he’d been kissing down your neck. Cheeks flushed red, you looked away.

“Jesus, sorry,”

You didn’t think you’d ever been more embarrassed in your life, unable to look at Austin. But he brought his hands to your hips and yanked you impossibly closer to him, leaning back down to whisper in your ear. “Say it again,”

You couldn’t make the name leave your throat and Austin seemed to sense your nerves, pulling back a little to run a hand through your hair. “If you wanna do this baby, I’m all in. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

When you gave a little nod he went right back to kissing your neck, a hand coming up to grope your breast, twisting your nipple between his fingers.

“Elvis,”

You felt his erection on your thigh as his hips pistoned forward and he grinded on you, but he shook his head when you reached for his waistband, pulling you forward to the edge of the bed before getting down onto his knees. The loss of friction made you antsy, especially when he pulled down your shorts and underwear at an agonizing slow pace, pressing open mouthed kisses to your bare thigh.

A breathy “please” escaped you and he looked up from the ground as he lifted one of your legs and set it over his shoulder.

“Please what ‘Cilla?”

Now you definitely saw what he did in you calling him Elvis, your mind going blank for a second before you could choke out a response. “Please, E, I need you- your mouth.”

He didn’t wait another second before diving in, licking a strip up your folds before flicking the bundle of nerves with his tongue. Your hands fell to his hair, attempts at trying to keep your hips from bucking under him futile as he reached around to grab your ass and pull you closer to him, sucking at your clit.

There was a knot forming in your stomach and you already embarrassingly close, to the extent that you whined when he pulled back, looking up at you abosutly sex drunk. He rubbed your inner thigh with the pad of his thumb, laughing under his breath when you squirmed.

He rose up from his knees and shed his pants and boxers before getting back on top of you, holding your chin in his hand.

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547 notes - Posted September 10, 2022

i…

555 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

4 or 13 with Austin!Elvis bc protective 😩

did both bc why not 😅

You Got Me

ship: austin!50s elvis x reader

prompt: “breathe darling”/“you’re safe with me”

summary: some guys at a tour stop get too close for comfort while elvis is off talking to a reporter. a lil angst + hurt comfort.

content warning: sexual harassment and attempted assault, but it’s not graphic and over pretty quickly. smidgen of homophobia (a ~fairy~ insult).

Elvis made a beeline for you the second he got off the stage, hugging so you tight he lifted your feet off the ground. Kissing the sides of your face as he set you back down, he looked over his shoulder.

“Colonel wants me to talk to some reporter he found,” He started, hand still caressing your hip.

He shouted for Jimmie next, who whipped his head around from where he was distracted talking to a girl. “Keep an eye on Y/N for a second, I’ll be right back.”

And with one last kiss he was running off to where Colonel Parker was standing in front of the Ferris Wheel, leaving you standing alone against the back of the stage. Jimmie gave you a little wave and scanned the area for any immediate danger before turning back around to continue socializing, running a hand through his hair that he’d recently started styling like Elvis.

But you didn’t mind being left to your own devices, you were always one for people watching and this was the perfect place for it. Little kids scarfing down cotton candy the size of their heads, herds of high school girls giggling and stumbling around like packs of sardines. You were starting to see the appeal others did in carnie life.

Then, a voice uncomfortably close to your face pulled you out of your head.

“Hey, you’re Elvis’ girl, aren’t you?”

You could smell the alcohol on the boy’s breath, mostly because he was so close he was practically standing on top of you, one hand braced on the wooden stage fencing you were leaning on.

“Imma be real honest, I was thinkin’ he was one of those fairy freaks.” He continued before you could respond, waving his free hand around meaninglessly. ”But you’re pretty,”

Who you assumed was a friend of his popped up next to him, bumping his shoulder with a laugh as he spoke.

“If the way he moves aroun’ when he’s singing is any implication, he’s gotta be great under the sheets,” He slurred, the first boy moving his hand from where it was braced on the wall to the side of your face. His fingers brushed against your hair and he stepped even closer than he already was. You wanted to scream, but your throat was going so dry you could barley tell him to go away.

“He sing in bed too? You know if you want something more low key,”

He was leaning in then, but just when you thought you’d feel his mouth on yours there was a sharp crack and he was stumbling backwards into his friend. You blinked and saw Elvis standing there, shaking out his hand that you assumed was the reason the boy who had tried to kiss you was holding his nose.

“Either of you so much as look at her again I will kill you.” Elvis practically growled in a low voice, giving both of them another hard shove. “Get the hell outta here, now!”

Turning to Jimmie, who to his credit looked a little guilty, he raised his voice to a yell. “What happened to watching her?” He shouted, waving his hands around as he spoke. “Too busy talking to girls while mine’s about to get her damn head done in,”

He didn’t wait for an apology before ushering you into an empty staging tent, pulling you closer to him when you were alone, your head tucked into the crook of his neck. You were hyperventilating against him, hands gripping the fabric of his black shirt like it was the only thing keeping you on the ground.

“You gotta breathe darlin’, I’m right here.” He whispered and you tried, but your mind was racing.

“I thought,” You started and lifted your head, the rest of that thought not something you really wanted to put words to.

“I know, but you’re safe with me now.” He said gently, rubbing your shoulder. “Gonna talk to the Colonel about getting you security and nothin’ like that is ever gonna happen again.”

A part of wanted to tell him you knew that wasn’t a promise he could make. Guys were always going to be creeps, and it was only going to get worse as he, and you, got more and more attention.

But there was comfort in knowing he’d crawl over broken glass, and punch some strangers in the nose, to protect you. You could make do with that.

xxx

649 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Invisible String (Part 1)

(part 1/9)

ship: austin butler x fem!reader

summary: a summer fling when you were working on the set of the shannara chronicles turned your life upside down with a positive pregnancy test after austin returned to the united states. a pregnancy test, and a daughter that you never told him about. until the elvis biopic found him back in your orbit and forced you to face the music.

word count: 2,600

authors note: yes i know the shannara chronicles was filmed in new zealand but this is my au and i can do what i want so we’re pretending it was filmed in queensland. covid also doesn’t exist in this story, because i said so, hence the filming schedule being one of my own making.

i live for comments and love talking about my writing, pls feel free to pop me an anon anytime!

xxx

April 23rd, 2020

"You interested in working in film again?"

You raised an eyebrow at your best friend sitting opposite you on the couch, pausing short of tossing more popcorn into your mouth from the bowl between you.

"Is there a reason you're asking?"

She chuckled, lowering her voice and leaning over to you, a playful smile on her face.

"A little birdie told me that one of the lighting assistants at Elvis had to resign because of a family emergency and they’re desperate for a replacement.”

Leah was clearly getting a kick out of this, and you wanted to kick her for it. Knowing Elvis was filming in your area and that there was a non zero chance you'd run into Austin on the street was enough of a headache, let alone having to skirt around him on a daily basis.

"I can't work there, you know that." You said flatly, and Leah only shrugged, cocking her head.

"Do I? It's just tech work, not like you'll have to interact with Austin that much anyways."

"That," You started, nudging your head towards a framed photo of you and Cora on the coffee table. It was taken on her fourth birthday, the blue eyed little girl sitting on your knees, head of blonde hair tucked into your shoulder. "happened when I was just doing tech work. I can't Leah,"

It wasn’t that you’d take any of what happened that 2015 summer back, you were quick to tell anyone that your daughter was the best thing that ever happened to you. But some things, her father in particular, were better left in the past.

"How much are you making right now?" Leah asked, pulling out her phone as she talked. "Because this is what Elvis is paying."

Your eyes widened when you saw the salary listed on the email she’d pulled up, nearly triple what you were making at your current gig running lighting for a local news station.

"You go, you do your lighting thing, you come home. If you wear a hat and your bluelight glasses Austin doesn't even have to know you're there."

---

April 30th, 2020

Against your better judgment you inquired about the position, and Leah must’ve been right about how depeserate they were for a replacement because you got a call within a few hours asking for the earliest date you could start.

You followed Leah’s advice of trying to alter your appearance just enough to maybe pass as someone else to Austin, your hair tied up and pushed through a baseball cap, tan rimmed bluelight glasses that you typically saved for long hours on your laptop perched on your nose.

And the get up wasn’t even necessary. You’d spent your first day helping with lights for scenes with Tom Hanks in a conference room setup, overhearing that it was a dance rehearsal day for most everyone else. By the time the day was over ditched the glasses and cap, assuming you were safe from running into Austin at least for the time being as you put equipment away.

"Hey there.”

You could've screamed when you heard his voice from right behind you, flinching and dropping the cords you were wrapping.

Austin was apologizing as you turned around, and you swallowed as you got a good look at him. He looked drastically different than he did four summers ago, his hair short and black as opposed to the blonde waves that used to fall at his shoulders. His face hadn't changed much though.

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674 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 4 years

Text

Rec Tag

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) & link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want so we can spread the love & link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by my partner in crime @extasiswings who is awful because she knows I’m terrible at praising myself but I will try my best.

Edit: I just went back through my notifications and saw that @koortega tagged me as well, bless you darling. Your gifsets and fanvids have inspired my fics deeply so. You’re the best.

Holy shit I wrote a lot in 2019. And I’m actually proud of pretty much everything - I took on a lot of challenging writing endeavors over the past year, and I think I managed to actually pull them all off. While I kind of beat myself up a little for focusing so much on fanfic and not my original novels, I think I needed this year of fanfic to really finish mastering my craft, come into my own, and prove to myself that yes, I can write this, whatever “this” might be. Not to mention that 2019 was a shitty fucking year otherwise, and I needed a goddamn distraction. So, without further ado, in no particular order...

1. the thing with shadows is (they come from light, from somewhere) (Timeless)

Jesus H. Christ this was a fic and a half. And its sequel was even longer. This fic is literally known as “the Garcy BDSM fic” and frankly that’s accurate. It started out as a joke between myself and a couple friends - “hey wouldn’t it be funny if” - and then I fucking played myself and actually wrote this 90k word monster. I’m really proud of it because it’s hard to take a fic that’s set in a BDSM club where there’s sex every chapter and actually keep the sex fresh and interesting each time, and it’s hard to weave a solid plot and character arcs into a fic that’s so focused on smut. It’s one of my most popular fics and I think it’s earned that popularity. I actually got a lot of asks and messages because of this fic from people asking me for advice and information on BDSM, kink, and sexuality/sexual orientation, so I like to think it had a positive impact that way as well, educating people on what BDSM and kink is and how it actually works. So yeah, I’m proud of this one.

2. whispers like poetry (Timeless)

Okay so technically this one was started on Christmas Day of 2018 but it was written all throughout 2019 so it counts. What began as a back and forth with @extasiswings over what would’ve happened if Lucy and Flynn had started fucking in season one turned into a complete monster of a fic where nobody was talking about their goddamn feelings for 90k words. As frustrated as we got with our beloved characters, it was an amazing and joyful experience to work with her. She’s a brilliant writer and understands the characters better than I think just about anyone (including the show writers, sorry not sorry) and I loved every minute of writing this. And I think the final product turned out pretty damn good.

3. Richie Tozier: Small Town Trash (IT 2019)

This one baaarely squeaks by since it was published December 30th but hey, that’s still 2019! I worked on it off and on throughout the month and was really fucking pleased with the result. I’m autistic and so I grew up with a sense of humor that, shall we say, did not vibe with the humor of others. I didn’t usually get jokes. I couldn’t tell when someone was kidding or was serious. I wasn’t considered funny - in fact I’ve lost track of how many times I would make a joke and the whole room would fall into awkward silence as a result. So to write something not only funny, but stand up? Jesus Christ, what was I thinking? But it worked. It really, really worked. People loved it. I actually managed to be funny. Go me.

4. The Void is Open (Timeless)

I thought this fic was gonna be like. 50k max. Ha. Ha ha. Hoo boy. I really need to stop underestimating how long it takes the flaming dumpster trio to get their emotional shit sorted. This fic was based on the very painful idea, “what if Flynn had actually shot John Rittenhouse in episode ten?” Exploring the consequences of that both emotionally for Flynn and literally for Lucy, who is erased from existence as a result, was a lot of fun. Painful, but like. I enjoyed it. I joked that this fic started a new fanfiction genre called “domestic angst” and I stand by that term. This is domestic angst. And I think I did a really good job with exploring the fallout from this one, single action.

5. Love You Like a Killer (I Want to Make Your Heart Stop) (Timeless)

Holy shit. This fic didn’t get wrapped up until the end of January in 2020 but I started it in September of 2019 - and it turned into a monster. It’s my longest fic ever, at over 200k words, surpassing even my smut collection. I really underestimated the myriad of plot threads I had going on with this one. I also underestimated how dark it was going to get. I mean, it’s a Castle AU, how bad could it be, right? ...right? Ha ha. *ahem* While the main pairing for this is Garcyatt, this fanfic was seriously an ensemble work in every sense of the word. Everyone got character arcs and side plots, and I had a lot of work balancing the murder mystery cases I was taking from Castle with the emotional arcs of the Timeless characters. I didn’t plan on this fanfic being my final Timeless work, but I think it’s fitting, because while it’s not necessarily my best work (I think Confidence Trick really earns that title) or people’s favorite work (see: Garcy BDSM fic), it’s the largest most complex single fic I’ve ever done.

Honorable mentions include If They’re Out of Lifejackets, Grab a Friend which was a fanfic of @qqueenofhades brilliant, absolutely showstopping (or should I say show-continuing) @timeless-season-four project, and Love is Bright but Casts a Shadow (Its Name is Grief) which had to wear a lot of hats since it’s a) the prequel to my magnum opus, but b) has to be read last and c) fit not only the canon seasons one and two but also d) @koortega’s fantastic video that inspired it.

Tagging @captainofthefallen @phoenixwrites @thestraggletag @nothingeverlost and anyone else who would like to! Seriously if you want to do this, claim me as your tagger! You’re all fantastic creators, praise yourselves!

#mads writes stuff #tagging thing #the moment I go to tag people I forget everyone I've ever known #so please do use this as a tag if you want it

6 notes · View notes

wlntrsldler · 4 years

Note

okay hear me out the cardigan, betty, august love triagle to reader x fred x angelina i've been thinking about it since folklore came

PROMPT: based on cardigan, betty, and august by taylor swift (an installment of my taylor swift x harry potter series. to read more about it, click here) Y/N and Fred see each other after 7 years and she finally lets him know that she knew that he cheated on her with Angelina all those years ago. (fred lives au lol)

also my submission for @wand3ringr0s3‘s 1.9k follower writing challenge!

“i knew it was too good to be true.”

“was in love with you. was.��

WC: 1.5K+

WARNINGS: infidelity, angst

HARRY POTTER MASTERLIST

cardigan x betty x august (f.w one shot)

“Why did you leave?”

You froze in your spot when you heard those words come out of Fred’s lips. The party behind the two of you was still in full swing— a party where his sister and her groom were celebrating their undying love for one another; Unbeknownst to them, just a few feet away, was the dying breath of another love.

You turned to face the man you’d fallen in love with all those years ago. You thought about the years you’ve wasted pining after Fred Weasley, dreaming of him like he was the one who put the stars in the sky. He was your safety blanket, one to cover you with a sense of comfort and belonging in a way that nobody was ever able to. He clouded your judgement until you didn’t know right from wrong anymore, and yet, not once did he take advantage of his hold on you— because he’s a good man.

And you hated it.

You hated how even though he was the same man who made you doubt in the power of love; even though he was the man who haunted you in your darkest hours; even though he was the man who laid beside a woman who wasn’t you, tangled in the white sheets while he was supposed to be devoted to you; you still knew he was a good man.

“You don’t get to ask me questions,” you breathed out, shutting your eyes tightly. You couldn’t look him in the eye, not while his eyes are flaming with anger and suffering.

“The hell I don’t!” he exclaimed, stomping over to you. His tone was harsh, but even that couldn’t mask the quivering of his words. “Why did you leave me?”

You finally opened your eyes, after feeling his breath tickling your skin, “You left me first, Fred.”

His eyebrows furrowed, genuine confusion evident in his features. Fred gulped, blinking a few times, not expecting that answer, “What are you on about?”

“Angelina Johnson.”

And just like that, Fred felt his knees grow weak.

His face paled, all color draining from his once red cheeks. He knows exactly what you were talking about. But he wished he didn’t.

“Y/N,” he began, his voice turning into a broken whisper, “I-I can explain.”

“No need,” you dismissed, staring at your feet. You kicked around the grass, sending small pebbles to ripple across the garden. “It’s been years, Fred. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Obviously, it does,” he insisted, stepping closer to you. He couldn’t help but shed a tear when you took a step back.

You shyly looked at your fingers, unable to look at him in the eyes once more. It has been seven years since you found him sleeping soundly beside Angelina Johnson, right before the war. You confessed your feelings for him a few hours before that night, even going so far as kissing him under the moonlight before you went off to fight in the battle of Hogwarts the next day. You didn’t speak to him the entire time and you left without another word once the war was over.

“Can we talk about this?”

“No, Fred,” you hissed, not even bothering to wipe the tears that were falling from your eyes, “Do you know how many times I’ve cried while we were still at Hogwarts because people would whisper about how bloody pathetic I am for being madly in love with you? You daft git! I would’ve done anything for you, Fred. Everyone but you could see that.”

You grimaced as you continued, “Do you know how it feels to confess your love for someone and then finding them in bed with another woman not even a day later? Do you know how it feels to lose your best friend and the one you love all in a blink of an eye?”

“Y/N, listen-”

“No, you listen,” you exhaled. In that small moment of silence, you faintly heard the crowd chanting, “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” and you felt so guilty having this conversation during two of your closest friends’ magical night. You looked at Fred, “I was so happy that night, you know? We’ve been best friends for ages before that and you always told me that I was deserving of love. I never believed you until that night because Merlin, if I’m deserving of Fred Weasley then maybe I am deserving of love.”

“You are,” he squeaked, trembling like your words were daggers stabbing him.

You ignored him, “I felt so stupid after seeing you with Angelina because then I knew it was too good to be true. I couldn’t even bring myself to confront you about it.”

“I-” you chuckled humorlessly, throat beginning to close up, “I wanted you, Fred. A-and obviously, you belonged to someone else and I just… I couldn’t be there anymore. I couldn’t be here anymore! How I managed to still be friends with Ginny or visit Charlie in Romania when I was there for work— knowing full well that I saw you every time I looked at them— without bursting into tears, I don’t know! But I left for me, Fred. I needed to put myself back together again.”

“Y/N, if I had known you’re in love with me-”

“Was in love with you,” you corrected, although you didn’t know if what you were saying was the truth, “Was.”

He flinched but continued, “-was in love with me, then I wouldn’t hav-”

“Wouldn’t have fucked her?”

Fred faltered, your words twisting the knife that was already buried in his chest. He nodded sadly, “Yeah.”

“Fred, you would’ve done it anyway.”

“No, I wouldn’t!” he pleaded, rushing over to you. “I wouldn’t because I was in love with you! I’m still in love with you! Had I known you weren’t just saying that because we were going into war, I swear Y/N things would’ve been so different.”

“Please save it,” you placed a hand on his chest, keeping him at arms distance.

He grabbed your hand, bringing it to his lips as he peppered kisses to your knuckles. His tears touched your skin, the warmth of it making you shudder. You pulled your hand that he held closer to you, wanting to feel him near you, even just for a moment. You watched in despair as he murmured apologies into your skin.

His eyes were closed, eyelashes touching the scar on the crease of your index finger. Fred looked at you through blurred vision, eyes red from crying and pleading. You couldn’t hear anything else but his sobs, the sounds from the wedding long forgotten. Fred whispered, not knowing if you were even listening to him anymore.

Please. Please. Please.

You stared at the boy in front of you in all his glory, vulnerable for you. Subconsciously you stroked his cheekbone with the pad of your thumb, humming as he nudged his face into your touch. Fred’s bottom lip quivered, twisting his head to kiss your palm. He whispered again.

Please. Please. Please.

“Freddie,” you finally spoke. You felt his lips twitch to a smile at the way his nickname still sounded so smooth rolling off your tongue, so sweet like honey.

“Hm?”

“I want to forgive you.”

“So please forgive me,” he said so softly you almost didn’t catch it.

You pulled your hand away, holding it close to your chest. You stared at each other, taking in each other’s presence for the first time in seven years. He looked more mature. The years you’ve spent apart were kind to him. He looked more handsome than ever.

You stared at the scar on his eyebrow— the one that he got when he tried to teach you how to fly in your third year. You stared at his eyes— the same ones you used to dream about waking up next to in the morning. You stared at his lips— the ones that you had the pleasure to feel on yours on that forsaken night.

“I want to forgive you,” you echoed, allowing yourself to bask in his presence one last time, “But I can’t, Fred.”

Silence.

“You-” you paused, collecting yourself before continuing. You looked up at the sky briefly, letting out a shaky breath, “You broke me. I have spent years trying to fix myself. All those years apart, all I’ve done is try to forget you but you’re everywhere, Fred. You’re the person in my dreams and in my nightmares all together. Everything reminds me of you.”

“And I’d be lying to myself if I said I don’t love you because I do,” you confessed, now looking at him intently, “I fear that I’ll always love you. I fear that I’ll always be tied to you. I fear that you’re probably the love of my life and I hate the part of me that still hopes that you are.”

“Because if love is supposed to feel like this— if love is supposed to hurt like this— then I’d rather not love anyone for the rest of my life,” you began to quiet down, wiping the tears on your cheeks. You started to walk back to the party, deciding that you’ve missed too much of the night already, “It was good to see you, Freddie.”

Fred watched as you retreated back to the party, a fake smile plastered on your face. He stood there in the dark, crying silently and blaming himself for the mistake he made seven years ago, as he watched the love of his life give up on him.

tags: @rexorangecouny

#wand3ring1.9kchallenge #harry potter #harry potter fanfic #frances x taylor swift x harry potter #fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x yn #fred weasley fanfic #frances writes #frances song fics

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jedi-valjean · 2 years

Text

Ship Tag Game!

Tagged by @findswoman!

First ship: I don't really know, to be honest. Maybe Percy and Annabeth from the Percy Jackson series?

First OTP: Probably have to go with Finnrey.

Current favorite ship: Zeb and Shulma from Findswoman's Lasan series.

Ship(s) you wish had become endgame: Finnrey again, and um... I know there's a couple more. Suddenly I'm forgetting every piece of media I've ever watched. I used to ship Sabezra, but sometime before or maybe after the finale I decided I was fine with them not becoming a couple, so I can't really say I wish that one was endgame. Oh, um... I also think Clover should have ended up with King Julien instead of Sage Moondancer. I realize they married her off to explain her absence in the Madagascar films, but frankly, the character development in All Hail King Julien is so good that it retroactively destroys the lemurs' characters in the main films, which is quite the accomplishment considering the films came first. That scene in Madagascar 3 when Maurice cracks a hopeful smile at the prospect of Julien having fallen to his death hits very differently after watching the Netflix series. The show is supposed to be canon compliant with the films, but the lemurs were only supposed to be 2-dimensional characters and when you flesh them out their original characterizations become weaker for it. I do think it's funny that I can say that I don't consider the original films canon in the Madagascar franchise. Um... this is only tangentially related to ships. Back on topic.

Ship you wish were canon: Hm. That's a tricky one. Most of my ships are canon. I'm actually not going to say Finnrey again, for reasons I'll explain later.

Ship that most of the fandom hates but you love: Let me see... Unpopular ships I ship... I really can't think of a ship the majority of X fandom outright hates that I either don't also hate or don't care about. Am I really that basic? I don't know. Most likely an interracial pairing (you know how fandoms are.) I think a lot of people were opposed to Miles Morales and Gwen Stacey ending up together when the first Spider-Verse movie came out, but the trailer for the new one seems to have won a lot of people over to it. (I mean, come on. He drew her in his sketchbook and was embarrassed that she saw it. That's cute.) Still not sure I'm going to forgive the fandom just yet for making the most popular ship in the fandom the one with the cartoon pig in it, but this isn't about what I hate. Oh! I know. Maiko and Kataang from The Last Airbender. Everybody's always dunking on them. It's not like I don't see their points, Zutara's a good ship too, but I think they pulled the canon ships off, despite what the fandom may think.

You don’t even watch the show, but you ship it: Oh, I know I have a few of these, but it's so tricky to remember couples from shows you don't watch... um... Okay, I'm definitely basic for picking this one, but Adrien and Marinette from Miraculous Ladybug. Peak Idiots to Lovers content

Ship you wish had had a different storyline: Any ship where the characters start act out of character towards the end. Like, what was up with Kanera? "Must be the truth serum talking?" You've known each other for like over a decade and she's pregnant with your child and you don't believe her when she says she loves you????? And then there's Finnrey.

Even though there were several Finnrey moments in The Rise of Skywalker, Rey turned into a real jerk for no real reason, her personality functionally identical to a door-slamming teenager who yells that no one understands them and belittles everyone around them. Rey treated Finn, her best friend in the universe, like absolute garbage, because he "didn't understand." (And it turns out he did understand, because he was Force-sensitive this whole time and never got around to telling her!) She was rude to him, she bodily threw him backwards with the Force when he tried to help her, showing disregard for his safety when he had nothing but the most fervent regard for hers (oh, and in the novelization, Rey mind-tricks Finn into letting her go off alone, which is so condescending and gross and makes her Force-throwing him even worse,) healing the person who gave Finn his enormous back scar while having never bothered to heal said enormous back scar, and then making out with that same person who gave Finn his enormous back scar. Talk about a betrayal. Finn should be absolutely pissed at Rey, but he's too busy being insignificant to the plot and taking a back seat to a story he should be at the forefront of.

So yeah. Finn deserves way better than Rey and honestly the fact that they're still even friends makes me want to throw up a little, but then again, Rey probably hasn't even told Finn about half the things he should be mad at her about. Yada yada yada, the sequel trilogy is an utterly pointless waste of time, everybody already knows this. (Apologies for basically turning this entire post into a rant about a ship/trilogy I haven't been invested in since 2019, but I really haven't been invested in many popular or controversial ships since then. This is probably why. That or the fact that I kinda just consume less media than I used to, and the media I do consume isn't ship-heavy these days.)

Favorite ship that’s endgame: I'm going to say Chidi and Eleanor from The Good Place, since that's the most recent endgame ship that comes to mind.

Tagging @kanerallels @accidental-spice @thechaoticfanartist @penguinkiwi @authorofemotion @heckin-music-dork

#about me #tag game #star wars #all hail king julien #the good place #spiderverse #fandom

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capri-ramblings · 4 years

Text

Okay so, I'm sure it's been kinda obvious I've been down with writer's block due to the lack of actual content on my blog recently, but somehow while scrolling through Tumblr I came upon @tsuisute 's art of Lilia wearing a rather risque bat lingerie and somehow something in my self-doubting brain clicked and I came up with this short fic. It starts off pretty angsty and I'm not sure when part two is going to come out but basically it's Lilia coping with his young s/o going through a really low point in their lives but yeah, I'm sorry if this turned out kinda flat cause my writing gears are still pretty rustic but I couldn't get it out of my head until I started writing it down. So, hopefully it's good enough! 💖💖

Safe and Sound

Summary: A slight rise in detachment and tension has been visible in you lately and being the ever observant Fae he is,Lilia has a hunch it has to do with your work as a medical mage working in devastating war fractions. He tries to reach out to you, but you keep your distance. At the end of it all, will this cause a bigger gap in your relationship or will it bring the two of you closer?

Part One: To push away one's heart.

The door to the age old manor, closed heavily behind you. The after echo of your footsteps shuffling inside softly whispering into the ancestral walls.

It was odd to have come home to such a quiet place after staying a whole day at a warring border. You felt out of place,detached even. As if this house you grew up in felt horribly unfamiliar. Sometimes it scared you, and sometimes it made you sad. Either way, you tended to avoid anyone in the household from interacting with you after your working hours.

Well,you tried your best to avoid everyone at least. Lilia would always be an exception, and not because you didn't have the heart to ignore him but instead you couldn't ignore him. He'd flock right over to you the moment he'd know you were home and then anything you said to make him leave failed.

He'd always had a mind of his own after all. Things people said went through his head but it didn't necessarily mean he'd take them into consideration. It all came down to the fact that Lilia was always the one with wisdom and truth, he's lived long enough to write books on it, so maybe in a way him interrupting your Isolation was a good omen in disguise, but still, it had you gritting your teeth each time he came up to pull you in an embrace or pat your head.

Today seemed to be no different, as you made your way to the staircase and saw Lilia waiting at the top of it with his usual beaming grin.

You didn't want to meet his gaze then. Something inside of you churned and boiled at seeing someone be so comfortable and gleeful.

"Welcome back,little lantern!" Lilia greeted,his deep red eyes sharing the smile he wore on his lips.

You felt your brows furrowed, but answered him with a slight nod. "Where's Silver and Malleus?", you asked as your bristled pass him at the top stairs and headed for the hallways that lead to the rows of bedrooms. Lilia followed behind you.

"They've gone off, somewhere,well, Malleus went off somewhere then Silver went to go look for him"

"Sebek?", You glanced over your shoulder. Lilia lent a smile your way.

"Training, as always. He wanted to tag along with Silver, but he has a competition later this month, Silver told him to stay and practice"

You let out a small hum, your pace absent as you walked right pass your bedroom door and Lilia had to tell you you had missed it. And as he went to push open your door, your limbs felt forlorn and worn out. There was such a strong urge to simply just fall flat onto your bedroom floor and pass out, but Lilia kept his careful gaze on you and ushered you inside the room, with your bag already in his grip.

Years living with him, and you still couldn't fathom how he did certain things without being noticed.

"A whole day and you've already forgotten where you sleep. Tsk,tsk,tsk...my little lantern has lost their touch of home"

With your back to him as you took off your jacket, Lilia came and wrapped his arms around your waist,the sudden warmth of his body pressing up against you causing you to go stiff.

"Lilia–"

"You should stay home for the week". He murmured,soft and low it sounded almost as if he was pleading.

You placed your hands over his on your waist.

"I can't. They're already short handed over at the border, and even if I am just a medic, it'd be too chaotic to just leave them like that"

"You need your rest, lantern"

"Then leave me alone."

The words left you bitter and taut. A string of unsaid wounds lingering at the back of each enunciation you gritted your teeth on. Your hands clenched over his and the way your chest heaved gave the impression that you could hardly take in another breath.

Lilia released you, and you walked over to your desk and sat down. Your head hurt, and your heart didn't seem to know why it was aching.

"I just need to be alone is all. I don't need you to dote over me,Lilia,I just..."

What did you want? Peace maybe. After seeing all that bloodshed in a single land while its people dropped dead like flies, two years working as a medical mage felt like an eternity of attempting to save people who had half of their bodies blown off as they cried and begged and sputtered out blood.

You wished you'd gone blind, but then again the screaming would have haunted you all the same.

Warring fractions were just a few in the Fae Kingdom, mostly because the lands and people involved in it would've died out before help could even reach them, but still, those that remained became cursed and bloody. A sight you wished you could burn out from your very thoughts.

You never had talent like Silver or Sebek, let alone Malleus himself, but Lilia said you always had a knack for healing, always being the caretaker even amongst your peers. Thus, you dedicated yourself to the one thing you were good at and became an active medical mage. From in-house check ups to risking your neck at war borders, you did what you could and suffered from what you couldn't.

You wanted to save everyone on the field, dying or not,but too many times you saw that hope of yours crushed right before your eyes, and it took its toll on you. At night, you hear the warning sirens and in the morning when you wake up, you dreaded to see the smiling faces of your companions, because you've started to wonder if by horrible fate itself, they laid dying in front of you, could you actually help them?

Vehemently, you pushed back the cry burning in your throat and shut your eyes tight.

'Forget it' . You told yourself. 'You don't have to remember. Just forget.'

It hurt for Lilia to watch you then. Something other than paternal grief overwhelming him. He'd known you've been dragging your own spirit down for a while now, but you were so adamant on avoiding the topic, he hesitated on confronting you about it. After all, it was your pain, your own sorrows, who was he to demand you to show him the scars and wounds you hid away?

He wanted to help you, to do anything he could to soothe your ache. But he couldn't do a single thing if you wouldn't let him.

"I'll leave you be then" Lilia said,soft and endearing, almost as if he was cooing to a child. "Rest well,my little lantern"

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland scenarios #twisted wonderland fanfic #twst wonderland angst #twst angst #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #twst lilia vanrouge #twst lilia

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jlf23tumble · 4 years

Note

Hi! I've seen you rec fics before and I'm wondering if you have any recommendations for Harry Styles fics that deal with gender. Like Harry being either nonbinary or that being the focus of the plot in some way. Thanks!

I have GOT YOU, my friend! I answered a similar ask a long time ago, so I’ll bring those recs over, plus add newer ones, just to keep us up to date. Same caveat as before, though--these fics delve a bit deeper into the genderfluid side of the fine line rather than just the “harry in panties” side because I think you’re more interested in the former, but if I’m wrong, let me know! Enjoy!

Us, Me, We, @homosociallyyours, 2.3 (Harry/Harry, Harry/Louis). Featuring Harry trippin’ balls and truly seeing “her” in the mirror.

you make me wanna (how deep is your love), orphan_account, 2.5k (harry/louis). As the notes say, “straight up porn,” featuring trans Harry.

Friendly Fire, @vondrostes, 2.6k (Harry/Ny). Look, you’ll see a lot of Terran here, I had to hold *back*, but he writes tons of pairings, so there’s something for everyone, and I rec it all! In this case, Harry learns an important lesson about why he shouldn’t date straight women.

No Control, thegirlwthekittentattoo, 2.6k (Harry/Louis). The dialogue here is EVERYTHING, it’s cute and hot and emotional yet still funny, like Harry’s bra being named Christi with an “i”, and I loveeee how much is packed in here.

Silent Night, @sulkingroom, 2.7k (Harry/Xander). I’m 99% sure this is Melissa, not orphan_account, but she’s another author who writes stunning fics that play with gender, this one featuring trans Harry at Christmas.

She, Myself, and I, @vondrostes, 3k (Harry/Nick). Angst city, with Harry telling Nick exactly who “she” is.

Every Drop of Rain, haemophilus, 3.3k (Harry/Taylor). Told through Taylor’s eyes, a fascinating look at Harry and his gender journey. (I highly rec this author’s work in other pairings for similar vibes!)

if they find out, will it all go wrong? blankiexrry, 3.4k (Harry/Louis). Gender exploration behind the scenes when the D played MSG, plus extra kink added!

The Assassination of Harry Styles’ Dignity, wishforwishes, 3.5k (Harry/Nick). This one was in the pubefest, and it’s gryles angst hours gorgeously done as Harry ponders shaving past and present (highly rec this author for gender exploration in other pairings, too).

She Feels So Good, Zedi, 4k, and its sequel, Turns Out She’s a Devil In-Between the Sheets, 3k (Harry/Louis). Mannnn, this universe is so good! Part one is behind the scenes of the Late Late Show after Kiwi, and part two is sexi times in Italy. I utterly adore how this Harry shifts right along with her pronouns.

Fertile Ground, Blake/ @newleafover, 4.4k (Harry/Louis). Jesus wept specifically at this story, CHRIST, so much dysphoria-related angst!! The sheer number of moments guaranteed to make you stare at the wall for one (1) hour, help!

into joy i’m sailing, @hereforlou, 4.6k (Harry/Louis). The tenderness LEAPS off the screen in this one, Harry forgets he’s wearing a dress when Louis comes over for dinner, and I peel my heart out of my throat every time.

weird honey, orphan_account, 5.4k (Harry/Louis). I’m a big lurker in fic comments, and these ones give me joy because big names from a time when this Harry drew even more hate than today are here, spreading love and support--who was this author? This story is so GOOD, I’d love to know what else they did! (In this case, a sex toy helps Harry deal with not having a vagina.)

violence of my own touch, 14hrflight/ @got2ghost, 5.2k (Harry/Louis). Chi is yet ANOTHER author to read for spot-fuckin’-on genderfluid characterization (here, it’s alpha/alpha with all kinds of bdsm, dysphoria, angst, and more).

it’s you i want to take apart, orphan_account, 5.9k (Harry/Louis). This author--in the year of our lorde 2012--watched the nail polish interview and created a work of art that went even deeper, their MIND!!! What else did they foretell??!!!!!

Love at Home, @vondrostes, 6.9k (Harry/Xander, Harry/Zayn/Xander). This fic is HYPER-current, like, mid-quarantine, and it features some Zarry history, some pregnancy-related dysphoria, and so much more, plus horses!! (The horses aren’t actually all that involved, I just love to see ‘em.)

Vinyl and Lace, objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain, 7.5k (Harry/Louis). This one kills me because it’s XF days, and you get the full-on sensation that this is meant to be kinky play funtime, but it’s going to end up being something much bigger on so many fronts, we love to see it!

Are You Gonna Be My Girl? LoadedGunn, 7.5k (Harry/Louis). EASILY my fave fic this author wrote, basically, Louis talks about his first time with a girl, Harry decides to be that girl, and the dirty talk hits different in the end!

call me anything you like, but my name is, wishforwishes, 9.9k (Harry/members of CHASM). [muffled internal screaming whenever I think of this fic] It starts with BSE Veronica/Zayn and ends with Harry Veronica/Zayn, and so much revelation happens in between, goddddd bless.

fallin’ and laughin’ at the drinks we spilled, enbyharry/ @non-binharry, 14k (Harry/Louis). Asia’s description in the notes kills me, but #vanlife Louis runs into proud Harry in some bar and shenanigans ensue is the upshot!

But She Doesn’t Know Who I Am series, jaerie, 15k (Harry/Louis). I love that one of the tags here is “louis asks inappropriate questions” because that’s honestly most of what happens!!

o/o angst series, HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals, 17k (Harry/Louis). I miss Nina’s writing like a phantom limb, and I doubt they’ll return to this universe, but I swear, I will read (and rec) ANYTHING they produce when the muse visits them again! This one is as its title says, and it doesn’t disappoint, heavy sigh.

Grenadine Sunshine, objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain, 18k (Harry/Louis). This fic is a peach of a pearl written as a gift for one of this fandom’s best authors, and it perfectly captures the Mood of that author, with so much softness, makeup, gender, and tender.

Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry series, 14hrflight/ @got2ghost, 22k (Harry/Louis). SO MANY GENDER ISSUES EXPLORED HERE, WOW!! College roommates come to terms with their identity, and, mannnnn, do I love it when a/b/o gets unstraightened, if you will, chef’s kiss all around.

Nothing You Can Do (But You Can Learn How to Be You in Time), Teumessian, 28k (Harry/Louis). Also known as the pinterest fic, this one is just so soft and lovely, an identity story told through hair (among other things).

genderfluid!harry series, istajmaal, 33k (Harry/Louis). This entire series hits just as hard today as it did when it was written in 2013, a time when people were aggressively trying to make fetch frat boy Harry happen (some of ‘em still are, lmao). Anyway, this is another author I highly rec for all their other fic, but this one does an A+ job of describing Harry’s gender exploration mid-D madness.

Amor Victorious, HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals, 38k (Harry/Louis). Another brilliant work from Nina, you feel like you’re on this journey with them, PLUS it dives deep into gender identity struggles, PLUS it throws a/b/o for a loop, all of which equals a big yes from me!

hush., wankerville, 41k (Harry/Louis). One of my all-time faves, this one tackles so many phobias, all while being set in a small-town America high school AU and managing to be the softest, most gorgeous, most hopeful thing in spite (because?) of that.

Time Passed, coffinofachimera/ @belialsmiracles, 66k (Harry/Louis). LISTEN, I WILL NEVER, EVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS FIC, I can only hope the author will bless us with a timestamp or something else entirely, it’s so beautifully done, it makes you think of nothing else for days, it RUINS you for other fic (I highly rec the author’s other work, too). You’ll never look at Tokyo Harry the same way again (or listen to “She” or “Fine Line” without getting more than a little misty). GOLD STAR!

Made of Lightning, @vondrostes, 74k (Harry/Louis, Harry/Liam, Harry/Louis/Liam). Just...the tags on this don’t do full justice to the journey of it, to the imagination of this specific timeline! I adore how Terran writes trans Harry!

Second Spring, @vondrostes, 103k (Harry/Louis). Speaking of Terran writing trans Harry, this one covers all the ins and outs of her surgical transition, how she recovers, and how she and the people around her deal with puberty no. 2.

#fic rec #gender #harry styles #whew it's a long one!!

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mahsamarauder · 3 years

Text

Doubts and Fears

Sirius walked into the common room looking more depressed than ever. It was Christmas and everyone had already had plans to go home. He hadn’t told anyone what he had done three days before school started. James, Remus and Peter were all going home. He was the only one staying, well him and Lily Evans. Marlene and Alice were both going home, in Alice’s case, Frank Longbottom’s home.

He slowly walked in and saw Lily sitting by the fire. He slowly sat next to her. She was lost in her thoughts.

“Lily?” She didn’t even move. “LILY!”

“Huh? What?? Hey Sirius!”

“Were you thinking about we both know who?”

“No!”

“So you do know who I’m talking about.” He smirked

“N— yes I know who you’re talking about. Happy?”

“Very.” He grinned. “What’s troubling you flower?”

“Don’t call me that.” She punched his shoulder.

“Apologies.” He rolled his eyes.

“Petunia sent a letter telling me since I’m not going home this Christmas, she is having an engagement party. She says if I go I’ll ruin it.”

Tears slowly left her green beautiful eyes.

“Come on. Take my hand. I’m taking you somewhere special.” He extended his hand and stood up.

“Won’t James kill you???”

“I couldn’t care less at this moment.”

“Wow. You put me above James! I’m honored.” She took his hand and got up.

He ran towards the astronomy tower and Lily ran behind him laughing at his childishness. The moment they got to the top he put his hands on her eyes and guided her to the ledge and helped her sit down. He took his hands off her eyes and she was dumbstruck. The grounds were covered in snow and the snow was shining under the moonlight. It was like the grounds had been made of whity shiny titles that looked fluffy and silky.

“How did—Wow. How did you find this place???”

“I’ve had many lonely nights Lily flower.” He sat next to her.

“It’s enchanting isn’t it? Makes you forget your troubles for a moment doesn’t it??” His eyes were now glossy. Lily looked at his face carefully.

“Lonely night? Troubles?? Glossy eyes?? What’s going on love???” She took his hand in her and squeezed it, trying to tell him it’s ok to share.

“I—I ran away from home Lily. I have no family now. I’m all alone now.” His tears were fast. They quickly covered his face.

“Now that’s a lie.” She said. As if stating the obvious.

“Wha—What???” He looked more fragile now that his tears were running down his face. She slowly got her hand out of his and touched his face and dried the tears with her thumb. She smiled at him.

“You are not alone, never. You haven’t been alone since you were 11 Sirius. And you have a family. What do you call James then?? A friend?? A best friend?? I don’t think any word in the English language can explain what you two are except one word. And that word is brothers. But that’s not why you’re scared is it?”

She shook her head and smiled sadly at his confused face.

“No you’re afraid of him rejecting you. You’re afraid you’ll tell him and you won’t be offered a home. You’re afraid that this brotherhood means much more to you than him, that it’s just words to him.”

His tears ran down his face again but Lily didn’t dry them this time. She slowly put her head on his shoulder and looked at the view. How?? How was it possible that no one but Lily Evans could see right through his soul?? How was it possible that she could guess the deepest and biggest fear of his life by just looking at him??

“Ye—“ he couldn’t even say the word. It felt awful to admit.

Without moving, Lily started whispering.

“You know, talking about how you feel doesn’t make it real. Admitting how you feel is not betraying him.”

“Yes.” He said very quietly as his voice shook.

“Tell me. Tell me all about it.”

“He—He always says that I’m always welcome at the Potter’s but what if he’s just saying it??? What if he’s JUST saying it when he says that his parents love me??? What if he doesn’t mean it???”

He couldn’t stop now. The words running out of his mouth before he could think about them or stop them.

“What if they ARE just WORDS to him?? He has it all doesn’t he?? He has loving parents, a very good group of friends,he is popular in the entire school minus the Slytherins who don’t matter, he’s captain of the house team and he is good looking. The only things he doesn’t have are siblings and you. Why would he even care?? He doesn’t even understand my situation!” He said bitterly. He had never admitted this before. That he was a tiny bit jealous of James, that he was afraid that James never meant a word of what he said, that he was terrified that James actually didn’t care and was just pretending. James was the first person Sirius loved. What if it was all just a way to pass the time at school to him???

Lily listened silently. After a minute, when she noticed that his breathing was even again, she started talking.

“Sirius. You’re just a little bit scared. Of course he loves you. He would die for you gladly without a second thought, you know that. He’s your brother. And brothers die for each other. Brothers save each other when the other needs it. He would sacrifice everything he’s got for you. No one is that close to him but you. He’ll trust you with his life if he has to.”

He looked at her. “How do you know that?? You don’t even talk to him Lils.”

“Because anyone with eyes can see that!” She exclaimed. “Everyone in this bloody school knows how he feels about you.”

“I know that. I know all of that. I’m just scared of losing it, losing him.”

“Well do you know what that means?? You know why you’re scared don’t you?” She looked at him and smiled very brightly at him. She squeezed his hand. He shook his head, confused.

“You’re scared because you already have him.” She kissed his cheek. “Go to tell him. Tell him you ran away. You can kick me if he doesn’t care.” They both chuckled.

“But if I tell him, he’ll take me home with him.”

“I thought that was the goal.” She smiled at him slyly.

“If I do you’ll be alone this Christmas Lils.”

“I’ll be happier if you go with him, now go tell him.”

She got up and helped him get as well. Then she started pushing him towards the door.

Sirius arrived at their dorm to see James lying carelessly on his bed without his shirt on.

“You’ll catch a cold you know.”

“Yeah I was at practice and it was too hot. I’m cooling down.”

“Hey James, listen, I umm how do I say this. I uhh…”

“You ran away from home.”

“Yeah I did. Wait what?? How do you know??”

“Regulus. He came to me the other day asking me to take care of you because you had run away from home.” James said.

“You aren’t mad that I didn’t tell you??? You know, because of the “no secrets” pact.”

“No. I knew you’d tell when you’re ready.”!He left his lying position and sat.

“When did he tell you??”

“Three days after we came back.”

“You’ve known for four months??”

“Yep.”

“Does anyone else know??”

“Nope.”

“Prongs can I—“

“You can stay with me you know.”

“What???”

“You can stay with us, me, mom and dad. We would love to have you. I mean they love you more than me already.”

“Prongs are you—are you sure??”

“Padfoot. That’s what brothers are for right?”

The moment James said brothers, Sirius’ whole body relaxed and he let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. James noticed, of course but didn’t say anything. He just grinned at his best mate, his brother to be exact.

“Yeah, yeah that’s what brothers are for.” Sirius nervously smiled, which again did not go unnoticed.

Five seconds passed before James opened his mouth again.

“Why made you realize that you should tell me???”

“A friend. She said I should tell you.”

“A friend???” James asked with his eyebrows shot up.

“He’ll trust you with his life if he has to” Lily’s words rang in Sirius’ ear.

“Yeah a friend. Lily. She told me it was best to tell you instead of being scared that you’ll reject me or that you were bluffing when you said I was always welcome.”

“Lily made you realize that???!!!” James shot up from the bed and stood on his feet.

“Yeah it might not look like it Prongs, but she has a lot of faith in you.”

James slowly smiled and fell on his bed again. After a minute of thinking he wore a T-shirt and ushered for Sirius to follow him.

“Come on, Padfoot. We have to tell Minnie that you’re not staying for the holidays.” And with that they left the dormitory.

Little did Sirius know that James had the map and knew that him and Lily were in the astronomy tower before he came to James. And little did he know that James never doubted him and knew Sirius would tell the truth. In the end James got what Sirius said he didn’t have, a sibling and Lily and in the end he trusted Sirius with his life, and not only his own life but the life of his wife and son as well, in the end, he knew the best person to take care of his boy was Sirius. Yes, James Potter did many things in his life, he bullied Severus Snape, he gloated about himself a lot, he talked the ear off of his friends about Lily Evans, he hexed people for fun sometimes, but he never doubted Sirius Black, and as took his last breath he knew his son was in good hands

If I was dying on my knees

You would be the one to rescue me

And if you were drowned at sea

I’d give you my lungs so you could breath

I've got you brother-er-er-er

And if we hit on troubled water

I'll be the one to keep you warm and safe

And we'll be carrying each other

Until we say goodbye on our dying day

Because I've got you brother-er-er-er

Art credit: @alessiajontrunfio

Bonus Part: Lily

That Christmas was the only Christmas Lily Evans spent alone. Marlene and Alice had left because she didn’t tell them that she was staying. She kept cursing herself for not asking James if she could tag along. She sat down on the ledge of the astronomy tower and looked at the snow, covering the ground like a blanket and hugged herself as she whispered:

“There is always next year right?”

And felt sorry for herself for not telling the boy she liked or maybe even loved how she felt.

What kind of Gryffindor would be scared of rejection?

What kind of girl would doubt the boy she loved?

Lily suddenly realized that their love for James and their crappy family lives were not the only things that her and Sirius had in common.

It seemed that they shared the same fears and doubts as well.

They both feared being rejected by James.

And their doubts were both related to the same thing,

“What if it was all just words to him?”

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tomishaped · 3 years

Text

Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warnings:

Graphic Depictions Of Violence • Major Character Death

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Supernatural

Relationship:

Dean Winchester!Izzy Hlton

Characters:

Dean Winchester • Izzy Hilton • Sam Winchester • Asmodeus • Dagon • Demons • Hellhound • Ellen Harvelle • Jo Harvelle • Hunters • Crowley • Charlie Bradbury • Bobby Singer • Ruby • Death • Pestilence • Famine • War • Castiel • Angels • Cain

Additional Tags:

Demon Dean Winchester • Demon Sex • Kidnapping • Gay Sex • Blood • Blood Kink • Hate Sex • Love/Hate • Major Character Injury • Major Original Character(s) • Character Death • Past Child Abuse • Past Rape/Non-con • Past Sexual Abuse • Past Torture • Past Violence • Canon-Typical Violence • Violence • Protective Dean Winchester • Bisexual Dean Winchester • Top Dean Winchester • Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings • Izzy is too • Emotional Hurt/Comfort • Emotional/Psychological Abuse

Summary: After being pulled out of hell Dean realizes quickly that the four months he had been gone made way for a lot of changes in the lives of everyone he knows, including the life he had known for himself before he died. Nobody was treating him the same, and there was seriously something going on with his brother that he could not figure out. He was spending most of his time alone nowadays, not really hunting anymore since Bobby and Sam were against it for him, and spending most of his time drinking instead to try and forget. He was angry, pretty much all the time. That anger really worked in his favour though when walking back to the impala he came across a freaking hoard of demons getting ready to attack some blond chick. He didn't know who she was or what the hell all the demons wanted with her, but there was no way he could just walk away. Maybe if he had any idea what trying to save this person was going to lead too he would have just walked away, maybe if he had actually given any thought to the situation before him he wouldn't have put himself in the middle of it, but even before hell he made impulsive and rash decisions... so maybe not.

Previous Chapters:

• Chapter One • Chapter Two: Part One •

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Two: Welcome to the Batcave

Part Two

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Izzy watched the other actually curious for a moment to see if he would finally catch what he said. Aaaand, there it was! He had to give the hunter some props, he was taking the fact that he mistaked Izzy for a girl better than he could remember anyone else had. Demons especially hated him for it. Not for the same reasons that humans seemed too, most demons really didn't care what your fucking gender was as they body hopped so often, what they didn't like was that someone so small, sweet, and innocent looking was actually a deadly assassin sent by a prince of hell. And worse, he was good at it. Izzy looked away from him again and back at the book he was holding when Dean started to talk, crossing one leg over the other as he started to look through the book. "If the idiots would just abandon their stupid plans of trying to break Lucifer from the cage I would just leave them alone," Izzy muttered as most of his attention was back to the book in his hands, not realizing he even said it out loud or knowing if Dean had heard about what this specific group of hellions were planning. "I wouldn't count too much on actually finding one, I've only ever found info on one and I can't find that fucker for the life of me. I've never not found a mark before him, it was actually really frustrating…" he said, talking more naturally and easily than he had before with most of his attention focused on something else. He could feel his heart racing as he read through the pages. The first few were just about Cain. How he had become a demon. That was actually interesting even if none of what he was learning would help him track the mother fucker. Cain was the only demon specifically named though. After the chapter on him, the book went on to explain how because of him it had become possible for a human to turn. And what had to happen to said human for something like that to happen and Izzy found that for the first time that he could remember, he was grateful for something. He was really fucking grateful that he couldn't remember being human. Because this shit sucked.

Dean relaxed his shoulders when the other didn’t point out how obviously awkward his mistake was. It must have happened quite a bit and it was obvious as to why. Though he didn’t dwell on it for too long after catching Izzy mutter under his breath. So Izzy knew about Lucifer and over half of Hell’s plans to free him. Not too many hunters really knew what was going on, just that demons had been kicking up a shit storm lately. He crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the table Izzy was sitting on. He raised a brow when Izzy said he’d only found one and he couldn’t track him. “A mark?” He asked, not following him. “Do you think they could make more demons like that? I have a feeling they’d be a bitch in a fight.”

"Not a mark, my marks. Whatever demon I'm hunting at the time," Dean really did get kind of lucky that Izzy had found this book if he wanted to ask questions. The lithe demon was only half paying attention to whatever he was saying, basically only enough to make sure he didn't let the fact that he was one of these demons slip out. "Though he does actually have a mark that turned him in the first place. Didn't know that." Izzy nodded without hesitation at the other males next question though, "Definitely. Seriously time consuming and difficult, but not impossible. Looks like when it does happen, it's usually an accident. And they are definitely totally awesome in a fight. Stronger than a knight of hell but not quite as strong as a prince. And not easy to kill. Our knives won't kill one of them." The book didn't actually tell him that last part, he knew it from experience back when Asmodues was first training him. He had kinda lost his temper at the pretty little blond and actually fucking stabbed him with the same knife he now had hidden in his boot. All it did to the blond was piss him off though. It ruined the dress he was wearing and had left a nasty little scar in his side where he had been stabbed. "So unless you’re Cain with his first blade or have that Colt and bullets that you killed Azazel with, or yanno, a crazy person like me, I would avoid looking for one of them." He took in a deep breath as he slammed the book shut, trying to not let it be seen how incredibly fucking furious he was right now. Well, at least he knew why Asmodues was so keen on him not knowing how he turned. "So uh, yeah. Thanks for the info. Great fucking room ya got here. But I gotta go find a certain prince and tear his fucking head off somehow," Izzy said, his voice showing he obviously was not happy with what he just read if his words didn't give that part away. He was caring less and less about whatever fucking cover he was supposed to be playing here. He couldn't fully remember right now what he had let on that he knew about the man in the room with him but he no longer really cared. He pushed himself down from the table and went to move past Dean, "Nice to meet ya and all that shit and like, thanks for the help…" he paused for a moment to look at the hunter again, fuck it. Dean gave him access to the information he so desperately wanted, he figured he could return the favour with some info that Dean probably actually needed, "By the way, you really should probably get your brother away from Ruby because bitch has him all fucked up, pretty sure that people shouldn't actually be drinking demon blood the way he is. Pretty fucked up. So yeah. Gotta go."

“Oh they sound great,” Dean said when Izzy confirmed that more could be made this way. “Oh yea, awesome,” He shot back when Izzy went on about them and described them that way and mentioned that the knives were worthless against them. The only good thing that was mentioned was that apparently they were only ever made on accident and there were no rumored army’s full of them. He had noticed the others snapping of the book and the anger rolling off of him, clearly having read something he didn’t like. “Oh yea that sounds like a feasible plan, how do you plan on getting in Hel-?” He was cut off by the other male thanking him for the help. “Wait.” He said, not wanting the other to run off and get killed while half cocked. He didn’t get a chance to say anything else because what Izzy said after that shut him right up. “Wait, what the hell are you talking about?” He asked, his voice showing his own rising anger. “And how the hell do you know who he’s with?” He asked him. This ment Izzy knew who they were before he ran into him tonight. He started reaching for his pistol in a back holster without thinking much about it. “Who are you?” He asked, taking a step back and raising the fire arm.

Izzy rolled his eyes as Dean called after him when he turned and started to walk to the bunkers exit. If he did leave here right now, he really would go straight to the youngest prince and try and kill the fucker somehow. "Oh come on Dean, you're pretty and reckless but I didn't peg you for being stupid. I hunt demons. Ruby is a fucking demon. And your brother is running around with her. Do I really need to connect all the dots for you?" He stopped for a moment when he heard the click of the firearm and rolled his eyes again. Really? First time he ever tried to actually help someone else out and they pulled a gun on him. Not that Dean's pistol would actually hurt him, but he had been serious when he mentioned he liked this jacket. He didn't feel like throwing it out because of a bullet hole after he managed to actually keep it through the ambush.

He turned around and crossed his arms over his chest. "I was after her. I really can't fucking stand her. Unfortunately for me, your junkie brother was in the way and I couldn't get close enough without having to kill him first, and since I don't kill humans that wasn't exactly an option." He waved his hand at the pistole pointed at him, looking more annoyed that Dean was pointing it at him than anything else, "But I swear to fuck if you pull that trigger that'll change real fucking fast as I will slit your fucking throat." He wasn't reaching for the knife though, he wasn't scared of the gun and wouldn't pull it unless Dean actually did attack him first. After all, he didn't know the bullet wouldn't hurt him, he would definitely be trying to kill him and Izzy didn't take well to that happening. Threats were usually whatever, a dime a dozen when you did what he did, but actually trying to do it was another thing completely. "Now do you wanna play this game with me too or do you mind if I go now?"

Dean narrowed his eyes when Izzy said he hunted demons. He didn’t say anything for a minute after Izzy said all that and threatened retaliation by cutting his throat. His jaw was tense but he eased the hammer back and lowered his gun. He didn’t like anything he had said. He just knew Izzy was keeping something from him but… he was telling the truth about his brother and Dean hated it. He kept his hard eyes on the blond as he put his gun back in his holster and he pulled out a small piece of paper from his back pocket and grabbed a forgotten pen on the table. He didn't say anything as he quickly jotted something down, folded it and handed it to him. “In case you do something stupid like take on a prince of hell and want back up,” he said, his voice was quiet and calm. His reboiling rage wasn’t aimed at the blond any more so he tried to keep it from exploding on him. He had seen what he could do with that knife of his.

The anger at the hunter seemed to dissipate when he withdrew his weapon and put it back in the holster. Smart move, because the little demon had been deadly fucking serious about retaliation if he tried to shoot him. When Dean handed him that paper and said that, Izzy couldn't stop the confused look that crossed his face. Seriously? We both just threatened to kill the other and Dean was offering to back him up again a second later? What the fuck went on in human fucking heads? He really didn't understand them at all. Especially this one. And this happened to be the first one he spent any length of time with. "Right. Not gonna happen, but thanks? The backup thing. The prince thing is totally happening." After nearly sixty years around Asmodeus, Izzy didn't hold any fear of him. The prince needed Izzy and they both knew it. Besides, that was a long time to spend with anyone, and since the prince had wanted Izzy a secret until he was ready he had been the one Izzy trained with most often before he started throwing demon chum his way to practice with. Izzy knew that mans every fucking move.

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non-stop-imagines · 5 years

Text

Subtleties

Request: “I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.” #27 DL #1

“You’ve got something on your cheek” #29 DL #2

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Black!Reader

Word Count: 1714

Warnings: This really is cute, but there's also a mild sparring match, but mainly just cute

A/N: This drabble is for @mileenasdior! I'm sooo glad I was able to finally get this finished for you. I hope you enjoy it and thank you for being patient with me! And to everyone reading, Love y'all!!!💖💛💖💛

Natasha Imagines Tags List: @5aftermidnight

UNIVERSAL TAGS LIST: @avc212 @beautifulwisdom2001 @iamzion-therealhabesha @thottio @jetaimeamore @mixedfandxms @here-for-your-bullshit

Masterlist

_____

"Hey, I know we were supposed to have a sparring session, but something came up so I got Nat to hop in for me, if that's okay with you." Steve comes into the gym to inform you. Your heart begins to race but you play it cool as you continue to wrap your knuckles.

"No, that's fine. Thanks for letting me know." You look up from your hand and smile at Steve.

"No problem." He gives you a kind grin then exits, leaving you to wrap your other hand. A couple minutes later Nat comes in, all ready to start.

"Hey… You ready to go?" She smiles at you, making your face heat up. You quickly refocus your eyes onto your hands, cracking your knuckles.

"Uh, yep." You stand from your spot outside the ring to climb in, stretching out your arms and legs.

"You know, I've never met someone as eager to train as you." She climbs in and shakes out her limbs.

"Hey I want to get out in that field as soon as possible." You shrug. At that moment Clint comes in with his equipment and sits in the fold out chair by the bell. You turn and look at him confused.

"I was told to come and be the moderator. But you're both grown woman capable of knowing when to stop so I'll just be over here polishing my bow." He sets his things down and leans back in his chair. His waves you guys off with a smirk on his face, signalling that you guys can begin. You just look back over at Nat who was looking at you, trying not to laugh at Clint's nonchalant entrance.

"Alright. You know I'm not gonna go easy on you?" She gets in her ready stance, a devilish smirk on her face.

"Wasn't planning on it." You jump a couple of times and then get down into your ready stance. A bell rings from where Clint sat and you both look over at his sly face for a second but then turn back to each other to start. You both start off just circling the ring, but you being an eager beaver, go in for the first move. Nat quickly tracks your movements and dodges your jab, grabbing your arm and bending it behind your back.

"Try to be more discreet about your attacks." Nat's voice was raspy as always, but her words came out as slight grunts due to the force she was putting into this position.

"Like this?" You kick her legs from underneath her, grabbing the hand that she was using to hold your arm behind your back and pulling it behind her back, pressing her into the floor of the ring.

"Exactly." She weaves a leg in-between your kneeled parted ones and knocks you off balance and takes that moment to flip you onto your back, then straddles your torso and anchors your wrists to floor. "But that's only the tip of the iceberg." She smiles down at you, her pale skin glistening with sweat, and bright red hair in a low ponytail swept to the side. She gets off of you then pulls you up and walks over to her water. "Next round, focus on subtleties. The key to this is to have a sharp eye." She opens the water and pours some in her mouth. You couldn't help but admire her and her vicious grace, the aura that intrigued you the moment you met her. You're snapped out of your trance by Clint ringing the bell again.

"Round two." He smirks. From the way he is watching this unfold, he seemed to be plotting something, but you shake the thought and turn back to Natasha, getting into your ready stance.

"Remember, subtleties." You nod at her advice then begin to circle the ring with her. This action continues longer than the last round, you both waiting for someone to make the first move. Your eyes move up and down her body, looking for some muscle twitch, a flinch, something. You focus in on her right arm and see her bicep flex slightly, so in response you throw up an arm to block the attack shocked that it worked. You look up at Nat to see the happiness in her eyes before she goes for another couple of jabs, which you end up blocking. She tries one last time to connect a hit but you stop her, grab the upper area of the extended arm and pull her forward and past you. While holding her arm out with one hand, you use the other arm to give her a hard blow in the back with your forearm. You pause for a moment, reveling in your accomplishment, but not for long because not even a second later Natasha sweeps your feet from underneath you again, making you land on the floor with a thud and a groan. "That was good." She smiles, helping you up again.

"Thanks. Felt good. Well, until…" You motion to the floor and nervously laugh, Nat joins in soon after.

"Yeah, don't worry. We'll work on those feet. Good job, today." She pats your back and smiles then gathers her things and heads to the exit. "Don't forget, team dinner tonight." Her eyes linger on you for a moment as she point at you and Clunt before she smirks and leaves. You smile girlishly to yourself as you pack up your things and wipe your sweat with a towel.

"So we're going to pretend that didn't just happen, huh?" Clint asks, standing from his chair. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion as you climb out of the ring with your things. "The obvious attraction going on between you two." He points back and forth between you and the door then bends down to pick up his, now cleaned gear.

"Oh." Your heart begins to race so you wipe your face to hide your nervousness. "Well, I mean… I guess, but I just assumed I had, like, no chance, you know?"

"No, I don't. Listen I've known Nat for a LONG time. She looks at you differently than other people she's… admired." A small grin grows on your face from Clint's words. "But I also know that if something is going to happen between you two, you're gonna have to make the first move." He stands up straight again and takes a couple steps towards you. "Good job today, by the way." He puts his hand up for you to high five him. You do as you let your smile grow wider. "See you at dinner." Clint walks out and give you a single wave.

_____

"Hey, sorry I wasn't able to spar with you." Steve comes over to where you sat and patted your back.

"Oh it's fine. I still got a lot of work in." You smile. Steve nods and grins, then pats your back a couple more times lightly before walking away. You turn back around to face your plate and look at Clint. He locks eyes with you and motions his head towards Nat. You quietly take a deep breath then turn to Natshas, who's wiping her mouth with a napkin after taking a bite of food. "Hey, thanks again for helping me out today." You pick up your fork and meddle with your food a bit before taking a small bite in preparation for what you were about to do.

"Again, it was no problem at all. Anytime you want me to come train with you just tell me." She smiles bright at you and turns to her plate, but before she can take a bite of more food, you place a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Wait, you’ve got something on your cheek. Here, let me get it.” You gently turn her face back towards you with your finger tips, then carefully reach to pick a piece of her hair off of her cheek. As you go in to do it, you ever so slightly look longingly into her eyes before blinking and turning your full attention to the hair on her cheek. You pluck it off and flick it to the floor, then turn back to your food as if nothing happened. You look back to Clint who give you a quick thumbs up, making you grin to yourself. A few minutes later you get up and go to the kitchen to more to drink. Once you get there and grab the bottle of wine you were drinking, you feel a presence walk up to you and and place their hand on the small of your back.

"You know, I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.” Nat's raspy voice flows into your ear, giving you goosebumps while you close the bottle. "And what you did out there was bold. I like it." You look over to her and relax a bit when you see the sweet smirk on her face. "You know, you could have just told me." She leans against the counter.

"I was nervous. I guess the bold route caused me to dive in head first." You mess with the base of your wine glass. "Also, Clint said-"

"Oh, Clint. Listen, Clint always does too much. Anything he says dial it down a bit." Her words were soft as she stands up straight again and takes another step closer to you.

"Oh, okay." You laugh and run your hand over your short fro as you decide your next move. You look over at Natasha, who was looking around the room but eventually looks at you and brightly grins. Out of instinct you bring your hands to jaw and pull her in to kiss her. She relaxes into it and pulls you close by your hips, then turns you both so your butt rested against the counter. The kiss deepens as you slip in your tongue with Nat following suit fighting equally as hard for dominance. A couple seconds later you guys pull away heaving deeply and smiling at each other.

"We should get back out there before they get suspicious." Nat turns and begins to walk toward the door.

"Wait!" You quickly grab your glass then make you way over to Nat and grasp her hand. "Okay, ready." She just chuckles and shakes her head at your wide smile then continues with you out the door.

#black widow imagine #black reader #black widow #natasha romanoff x black fem!reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff #marvel imagine #marvel

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evesbeve · 5 years

Text

Exactly one year ago, I posted my first Ninjago fanfiction on Tumblr

(Yes, this is one of these big and personal posts, but bear with me for a second ^w^)

I've already talked about how much Ninjago means to me, and what a positive impact it has had on my life, but to celebrate a year into this fandom, I'd like to focus on its community here on Tumblr.

I've always been into Ninjago. In fact, I started watching it back in 2011, when it first came out!

Later on, I discovered fanfiction. It was like a dream come true, to read original stories about my favorite ninja, and to write them myself too! Eventually I began posting them, and I must say... They weren't good XD

But hey, I loved writing them! So I did just that - I kept writing and writing, until... Well, I grew out of Ninjago when I reached 7th grade.

But last year, I decided to rewatch the entire series during Christmas break. It was like falling in love with my favorite ninja all over again.

And who would have thought there would be an active fanbase here on Tumblr?

I remember scrolling down the tag and smiling at every single artwork and piece of fanfic (+ memes, of course. Who can forget about memes?) that I found.

(And bruh, discovering bruiseshipping? Holy FSM, that was truly a Christmas miracle.)

On December 28th of 2017, I made my first Ninjago Vocal Cover.

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The feedback I got was incredible. I had never, ever received such positive comments before, and the encouragement to do more helped me get out of the bad mental state I was in.

So I got writing again.

If I was going to post Ninjago, I was going to post Pixane.

So I did do that, and on January 1st of 2018, I posted my first Ninjago fanfiction in years.

Did I post it as soon as I finished it? Yes!

Had I beta-ed it? ... No...?

It was still a huge step for me though! Once that story was up, I was on freaking fire.

To make you understand, I published a total of 30 Ninjago related stories (and that was just the stuff I made public!)

I have never produced this much content before!

If that wasn't enough, I picked up my YouTube channel again, occasionally made some art, and heck, somehow I got motivated to clean up my room to make space for LEGOs.

I even had the pleasure of hosting a collaborative project with around 30 people! (Yes, the new one is on the way, we're all still working on it :D)

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Suddenly I was motivated to do stuff, I wasn't sad all the time, I made new friends!

All that is because of YOU.

I'm just a random girl from Greece that happens to like a bunch of LEGO ninja. Yet, you've treated me with so much kindness, and made me feel like so much more than that.

I'm not oblivious to the fact that I am known inside this fanbase. I just want to make sure you know that you made my voice loud.

And for that, I am greatful.

I am greatful for the joy you've given me, and the memories I was able to make because of you.

I've always wanted this blog to be a place of positivity. It makes me so incredibly happy that you can seek to it to get away from everything else, that it makes you happy.

This blog, is our blog.

So I'd like to take a moment to personally thank a few people from this community that played an important role in my life in 2018. If you don't want to go through a big thank you list, that is totally understandable, so I'll put it under the cut. To those of you who are leaving this post now,

Happy New Year!

Before I start, I'd like to say that it would be impossible to include every single person I know into one post. If you're not in here but you're still relatively active, chances are I don't know you personally (but I have probably noticed you!) OR I accidentally forgot to include you, in which case I'M SO SORRY, AAAA!

Without any further ado!

Thank you @diamantdrache, for drawing me like three times without me even asking, holy crap ;w; You're so amazing dude, I'm always happy to see you around. Keep being awesome!

Thank you to @strawberryhipster and @kunoichi-of-fangirling for always screaming with me about Pixane!

Thank you @i-am-the-bluejay for making me laugh through your amazing bruise fanfics! They never failed to cheer me up :D

A special thanks to @parachutingkitten, for, gosh, everything. Discovered your fanfics during a very hard time, and trying to solve the mystery behind them kept me going. You're so kind and sweet to me all the time, and I'm so happy we ran into each other!

Huge thanks to @volzorra for dropping by my inbox to tell me the randomest of things! I adore everything you do, keep it up!! :D

Thanks to @panwitha-plan, @purplerose244, @monstriframinerva and @ninjago-rewritten for making me giggle whenever you pop up in my feed and notifications! You guys rock 💜

A big one to @ninjakitten1699 for coming up with such amazing scenarios featuring the one true mastermind of Ninjago - Dr. Kitty Saunders! Not only that, but somehow you always remember what stuff I like, and tag me in funny posts (and angst bc I live for that) and making my day! Thank you so much for everything!

Thank you @coco-jaguar for being a mom to all of us in the fandom, and organising such cool events like the Secret Santa!

Thanks to @loud-quiet-and-fragile for going through 100 of my posts at once and commenting at every single one! You're just so fun to be around, and my mood instantly improves when I see you!

You knew it was coming, @nightlybirdie! Thank you, for always responding to my yelling about your art, and for yelling on my content as well! You're one of the sweetest people I know, I'm seriously so happy we met!

Thank you to @kara-is-so-ninja!! For not only having such an amazing AU, but for spreading joy everywhere you go! I admire your work so freaking much, but I admire you as a person even more. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face 💜

Thank you @ninjagojed, for being so easy and fun to talk to! I enjoy your company to death!

HUGE THANKS TO MY WONDERFUL DAUGHTER @lindsey-chr-not-found!! I've known you for so long and, its amazing we found each other again! Thanks for screaming to me about our ideas, and, well, for letting me adopt you XD

A big thanks to @echojulien for being such a supportive friend, and always there when I'm in need of our boy Echo!! :D

This is where it starts to get really difficult to fit things into a single paragraph...

To @hottchoco, who is basically one of the reasons I started shipping bruise in the first place, thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for being that one person that is somehow into all of my fandoms at once, and screaming to me in random about them. Thank you for, even though we have different tastes sometimes, being respectful no matter what. Thank you, for being my shoulder to cry on when I need it. Thanks for everything dude :D 💜

Thank you @spinharmony, for creating a server where I made such amazing friends, and for BEING one of those amazing friends. It's so easy to talk to you about anything. You're always there, whether it's screaming about our misunderstood favorite characters, or talking about our problems. Thank you so much for just being there. I am so lucky to be able to call you my friend 💜

Thank you @hollsheadcanons!! You were one of the first people I met in this fandom, and definitely someone I was comfortable with since day one. We spend so much time just meming and yelling, that I literally feel like there's nothing to be afraid of when I'm with you. You make all my problems disappear, but you're also here to comfort me when I'm in need of hugs. Words are not enough to describe how much you mean to me. You're one of my best friends in the entire world, and for that, I thank you. Love you so much Holls!!💜

And finally, @clumsinessinperson and @ninjagoruinedmylife. You two, it feels wrong to talk about you separatedly because we're always together! I don't even know where to begin with you guys, I just love you so freaking much. No matter how upset I am, you always lift me up. You're so understanding of how I feel, and I know I can always count on you for anything. I just can't believe how close we are, and how many things we've created and been through together. I want you to know that you mean the world to me, and I love you so much. Thank you for being my friends. I love you 💜

To everyone reading this, regardless of being in my list or not, thank you so much for being part of my year, and for being part of my life. Thank you for everything 💜

#evelina nonesense #ninjago #personal

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ckret2 · 6 years

Text

The Door In Petrex’s Quarters

So there’s a cool new blog on Tumblr called @tfspeedwriting where they post a bunch of prompts on Saturday and you choose one and writing something! There’s basically no rule except that you have to do it in under two hours. So anyway this took me about four hours, which were spread out over a total of ten hours.

I’m good at this game.

(If you're on mobile, the readmore malfunctions, and you gotta scroll past all this, I'm sorry for your suffering.)

Prompt: Pick a music playlist on a device of your choice. The second line of the third song is your prompt. (“Song 3”—I swear the title’s a coincidence—by Stone Sour: “So I'll keep you close, and keep my secret safe.”) Continuity: made-up Shattered Glass AU for IDW continuity Ship: Prowl/Tarantulas, but you’ll wish it wasn’t. Wordcount: 5200-ish Summary: They say that Petrex, leader of the Autobot Justice Division, can’t feel love. Petrex prefers it that way. Or: how Prowl tamed his pet scientist. Tags: Angst, abusive relationship, all hurt no comfort.

They say there's a doorway in Petrex's private quarters where his berth is supposed to be.

It's an empty metal doorframe. The space where there should be a door is filled by cement mixed with strange, dark, multicolor rubble. They say that Petrex sleeps on it, curled up on his side, a hand pressed against the surface of the shut doorway like he wants to press through to the other side.

They say the door still works. They say it goes somewhere. They say all you have to do is turn it on.

They say a lot of things about Petrex.

They say the reason that he wears a cold white Autobrand-shaped mask is because he has a cold white Autobrand-shaped face underneath, and that he'd rather people think he's hiding his expressions than let them know he doesn't have any expressions at all. He is as icy, and as hard, and as unmovable, and as implacable as marble; and Terminus save your ember if you dare try to chip that marble.

They say that nobody has ever joined the Autobot Justice Division willingly—nobody except for Petrex, its founder, its leader, and its symbol. They say that every member of the Autobot Justice Division is someone who tried to flee or betray the Autobots, but who had potential, had a use; and so, as their punishment, instead of adding them to the AJD's list for retribution, Petrex added them to the AJD itself, chained them in service to himself, and turned them into essential cogs in the machine that grinds up other criminals and turncoats.

They say he's not a person, but a drone, a machine designed for order and logic and laws, capable only of understanding emotions in a theoretical sense, and then only far enough to determine how he might make use of them.

Petrex doesn't deny anything anyone says about him.

"Mesothulas. Mesothulas!"

Mesothulas started, almost dropping his welder. Terminus below, he wasn't expecting Prowl so soon—he wasn't supposed to come for another two weeks, was he? Why was he early? Had something gone wrong, had his latest offering malfunctioned? Part of him hoped desperately that it had; the rest of him dreaded the consequences of such a failure. Maybe Prowl had forgotten their schedule and come early? Mesothulas had never known him to do so before, but oh, if he had, if he was expecting Mesothulas's next work to be done today and it wasn't— Or, even worse, what if Prowl was right on time, what if Mesothulas had forgotten the schedule—

"I'm here!" He dropped the welder to the floor, ran for the stairs to the lab entryway, skidded an about face to go turn off the welder, and sprinted for the stairs—woe to him if he kept Prowl waiting a second too long. "I'm here, I'm here, I—I'm so sorry, Prowl, I didn't know you were coming. I was working, I'm sorry."

Prowl was standing, waiting, in the middle of the entryway. (Ostaros was so close to him, just a few feet to Prowl's left. Mesothulas's plating crawled—he shouldn't have left Ostaros out in the open like that. What if Prowl spotted him, decided after all that work that he didn't like the result? If anything happened to him—) His helmet was already off, tucked under one arm, and his red optics were so bright they were pink, nearly the same shade as Mesothulas's armor. Was he mad or happy? Mesothulas couldn't tell from the top of the stairs.

"I should hope you were working," Prowl said. "You've only got a couple of weeks left to finish the guilt extractor." So Mesothulas hadn't forgotten their schedule—that was a relief. But then why was he here?

"Yes, I know, I—I'm right on schedule, it'll be done in time." He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and waited, his heels pressed up against the bottom step, not taking a step closer.

And then Prowl walked toward him. Mesothulas's ember jumped into his throat. The way Prowl moved—even in armor—Mesothulas could practically visualize how his joints moved underneath it. There was such control, such confidence, such precision in his motions; he radiated such strength that Mesothulas felt weaker just for being in his presence. Everything Prowl did made him feel weaker. His fuel tank fluttered, his ember guttered, his fans sputtered.

When he was alone, he told himself that it was fear—very rational fear, for more than once he and his slipped schedule had been on the receiving end of the infamous wrath of the Autobot Justice Division's Petrex.

("I'll teach you to keep on schedule," Prowl had said before; and it was both an indulgent offer to take him under his wing and a threat. "Every cog ticks in time around me. I make sure of it.")

Yes—Mesothulas told himself the weakness he felt around Prowl was born of fear. But when he was in Prowl's presence, he knew that was only half true.

When he was with Prowl, he was almost desperate to impress him.

Words tumbled out of him: "I'm—I'm almost done with the guilt extractor, actually. Ahead of schedule." It was risky business to tell Prowl when he was ahead of schedule. On the one hand, yes, he'd be immediately gratified with Prowl's approval—and oh, when Prowl approved of him, it was heavenly. For a moment, on the timepiece that was Prowl's carefully-wound life, Mesothulas was a jewel mounted in the center of its face, sparkling in the light of Prowl's delight. But Prowl never forgot a promise; and when Mesothulas promised a faster delivery, Prowl updated his expectations accordingly. If he fell behind again, it meant Prowl's wrath was twice as hot; because now, not only had he failed to meet Prowl's schedule, he'd also lied about getting ahead and maliciously stolen some of Prowl's approval.

(So Prowl made him feel, anyway. Sometimes Mesothulas nearly believed it.)

But the way Prowl's optics lit up made Mesothulas immediately forget the consequences. The consequences would come later. Today—now—Prowl's arms were outstretched, and he said, voice a little louder, "That's wonderful!" Prowl's tone of voice never changed; it only got louder or softer, and either direction could be good or bad; but whichever direction it went, it could make Mesothulas's ember flicker with fear or blaze with joy and longing for more. "I can expect it sooner, then. Would you say by the end of the week."

Without stopping to think, Mesothulas said, "Without a doubt," and immediately felt faint; although he wasn't sure whether it was from the monumental scale of this promise, or from the way Prowl's arms wrapped around him: one pressed to his upper back, pulling Mesothulas's face against the chest of his armor; and one pressed lower on his back, so suggestively low that Mesothulas's armor burned where Prowl's fingers touched him. Mesothulas's own fingers burned as well, itching with the urge to wrap his arms around the thick waist of Prowl's rad suit—but to do so without explicit permission was dangerous. Mesothulas had courted enough danger by promising the guilt extractor so soon.

"Good," Prowl said—his voice was so soft now, and Mesothulas's legs were weak. "I'll hold you to it."

Mesothulas's ember filled with dread, and he wanted even more to wrap himself around Prowl—not just physically, but spiritually, to bind himself to his... to his perverse muse, the walking inspiration for all the most wondrous things he'd ever created.

"But that's not what I'm here about."

... And the most horrible things. He tensed with the urge to pull back, but couldn't. Not until Prowl was ready to let him go.

"Oh, I've—" Mesothulas spoke quickly, "—I've been working on another project too, since I'm getting so far ahead on the guilt extractor—you'll be pleased, I'm sure—it's the one you thought up, to make use of all those scraps of reality I've got sitting around—"

"I'm sure I will be pleased." Prowl finally let go, and stepped back, and Mesothulas wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. "But that's not what I'm here for, either." His head dipped down slightly, and not for the first time Mesothulas marveled through his fear at how much Prowl could express through nothing but the tilt of his head and the way his gaze came through his mask. "And I know a distraction when I hear it."

"I—I'm sorry, I just thought you'd want to—"

"Mesothulas."

"Yes! Forgive me! Y-you were saying? You're here about—?"

"Carpessa."

Mesothulas's fuel tank twisted. He had heard of the neutral city. He'd never been there before. He had no connection to it. Prowl had never mentioned it before. Mesothulas knew exactly what happened to it. "Th... The bomb...?"

"Worked flawlessly," Prowl said, and the bottom of Mesothulas's twisted fuel tank dropped out completely. "I don't know how you managed to cobble together a bomb out of pathetic Decepticon parts that has such explosive capacity, and yet can still be mistaken for something they made—but I must hand it to you, everyone was fooled. Even the Prime is marveling at their unanticipated savagery. This will throttle their chances to get any interstellar allies rallying behind their cause, when they can't play the poor innocent victims. A job well done, Mesothulas. For the most part."

Every word was an icicle through Mesothulas's ember. It took him several tries to choke out the word, "S-survivors?"

Prowl hesitated. "Too many," he said. "There were less than fifteen hundred fatalities. That's why I'm here, to discuss my requirements for the next model. Which I'd like you to get to work on as soon as possible. I was going to give you an extension on the guilt extractor so you could begin to work on the bomb immediately, but if you think you can be done in a week, then you can finish it first and get to work on the next bomb—"

"No."

He hadn't planned it. He hadn't meant to say it. And if he had the choice, he'd rather throw himself on Terminus's teeth than spend one more nanosecond watching in horror as Prowl's head slowly tilted down, and his optics blazed brighter.

Quietly, Prowl said, "No."

For a moment, the lab was so quiet, Mesothulas could hear Ostaros's vents cycling air. Ostaros. Never mind what Prowl might do to him—what might he do to Ostaros? Prowl could rip Mesothulas to shreds, but the mere thought of him scratching Ostaros's soft paint, the enamel hadn't even cured yet—

"Well," Prowl said, just as quietly, "if you'd rather keep to the original schedule, then—take the extension on the guilt extractor, and work on it and the bomb simultaneously..."

For a moment, the heavens opened up, a beam of light shone down on Prowl, and a holy chorus played. Prowl didn't offer second chances. Never. The Autobot Justice Division culled and amputated all limbs of the Autobot Army that no longer served what Petrex considered to be their appropriate purpose. Weakness was to be eradicated. Mesothulas should have been honored to be so indulged after wavering from the path Prowl had assigned him. All he had to do was accept it, and get back to work. Continue singing the songs his muse wrote for him. All would be well and beautiful, and if Mesothulas was good, every once in a while Prowl would touch him as kindly as he had a moment ago.

And there would be more Carpessas.

No. No, he couldn't, not again. Damn whatever Prowl might do to him—to them—oh, Ostaros, Mesothulas is so sorry—but Mesothulas and Ostaros were only two people. How many had died in Carpessa? He couldn't let it happen again.

His voice was barely a whisper. "I can't."

Prowl's optics flashed brighter, and Mesothulas flinched. "Excuse me." Yet another chance to correct his errant wording. Mesothulas was drowning in indulgences today. He wondered if Prowl had ever before been so lenient with anyone else. If he was smart, he'd take this chance.

But Carpessa. "Forgive me, I'm sorry, I—"

Prowl lunged forward, seizing him by the collar of his chestplate, and Mesothulas cried out, nearly sobbing. "You've always been so obedient," he hissed. "You've done your job so well. It's what I like so much about you." (Even now, ready to die, Mesothulas's ember blazed brighter at the praise. Terminus, Terminus, Mesothulas would do anything for Prowl—not just out of fear—but he couldn't do this. Over a thousand lives were already on his hands.) "After all that, you haven't suddenly developed a streak of naughtiness, have you."

"No! Never!" Mesothulas grabbed at Prowl's gauntleted hand. "I—I'm still useful to you, I swear! I can build you more troops—reliable troops—without waiting for Terminus to reawaken—"

"Surely you're not referring to your vapid pet project that smiled at me when I came in."

"He's not done. When he's finished—"

"I asked for a bomb!" He shook Mesothulas to emphasize the word. This time Mesothulas did sob.

"Wh-w-what about the guilt extractor? Or—or the project with the reality scraps? I've stitched it into a serviceable prison, I—I could show—"

Prowl shook Mesothulas again, and he fell silent. But Prowl said nothing. It was more terrifying than anything he might have said. Even a death sentence would end the suspense.

But finally—voice back at its usual volume—he said, "Show me."

Surely, no one in all of Cybertronian history had been shown as much mercy as the merciless Prowl had shown to Mesothulas today. "Oh—th-thank you—you'll be so pleased, I'm sure of—"

"Just move." Prowl let go of Mesothulas, and shoved him backwards. He tripped backwards on the stairs, crashed down, and for a moment in his panic actually tried to clamber up them backwards on his hands and heels before he managed to roll over and rush to his feet.

"This way!" He took the stairs two at a time, and heard Prowl following heavily behind.

He had to get out. He couldn't stay here, not like this. This would only work as a distraction, and Mesothulas couldn't risk Ostaros's life again. He'd done it in the spur of the moment, but next time he'd be weak, he knew it. It wouldn't be long before Prowl figured out he could get whatever he wanted if he threatened Ostaros.

He'd get through this. He'd hand over his prison if Prowl asked for it. And then he and Ostaros had to disappear.

"I call it the Noisemaze. It's—I-it's—" He'd had a description of it he'd been working on, trying to figure out how to convey what it was while leaving out all the words like horrifying and monstrous and unconscionable, all the little descriptors that Prowl didn't like to hear Mesothulas say; but the words failed him now, and all he could say about it was, "it induces sensory overload."

"Is that it."

"Extreme sensory overload," Mesothulas protested. Keep talking, keep talking, impress him. "The kind that—that completely fills your RAM. You can't think through it. It destroys all higher rational thought." He entered the room where he'd been working on the Noisemaze, looked around for something other than the doorframe to focus on—there was the welder he'd discarded, he should pick it up—and tried not to think about whether offering Prowl this torture prison was any less evil than bombing civilians. At least a bomb was quick. (Evil, that was what it was—that was what he was, now—he'd done evil. He'd done evil for Prowl.)

"How painful."

"I can think of nothing more painful." He set the welder on a workbench, and climbed up the two-step pedestal so he could flip the switch on the side of the frame. A hum, and the shadows of the room were stirred with soft, moving turquoise and orange lights. "It's—unending torment. It skips straight past the more fragile vectors for pain—limbs, nerves, all of them are things that can be destroyed, turned off, or burned out. But the Noisemaze attacks your mind directly. It harms you through your senses without harming your senses. Nothing you can do will turn off or block the barrage except destroying your own senses, all of them—but the Noisemaze would leave your mind too addled and overloaded on pain to even think of such a thing." It wasn't the description he'd meant to go for, but he was fairly certain he'd left out any words that would make Prowl tetchy. Prowl didn't care how awful it sounded, as long as Mesothulas didn't imply that to do it was wrong.

Prowl ambled around it, examining the controls. "And it's finished, you say. You certainly showed initiative."

"Well—the hardware used to access it needs some refining—the prototype is practically held together with hot glue and scotch tape—but the Noisemaze itself, it'll hold together indefinitely." He leaned an elbow on the doorframe to gaze into the Noisemaze. The landscape shifted and the sky spun, and even with the thin membrane of the doorway separating him from the maze, watching it undulate and roil made him dizzy. How many would Prowl put in here? Maybe he could find a way later to steal it back. Once he and Ostaros were out of here—he could get Ostaros with one of the neutral populations fleeing the planet, he could join the Decepticons, use his inventing abilities and knowledge of Prowl for good—

He heard Prowl climbing the doorframe's pedestal, right behind him; and yet, he still flinched when Prowl's arms wrapped, slowly, gently, around his waist. "It's beautiful." Prowl's voice was a whisper; and his fingertips grazed across Mesothulas's stomach so softly, so tenderly, it almost made him cry. "The perfect prison for the Autobot Justice Division's needs. The ultimate tool for reform—destroy their mind and remake it."

Mesothulas's abdominal armor trembled under Prowl's touches, and the Noisemaze spun nauseatingly before his optics. Oh Prowl, love him, praise him, use him, keep holding him just like that. Mesothulas couldn't leave, he couldn't leave. He'd get Ostaros away and bear the punishment for it, but he couldn't leave. "Is—is th... I didn't think the AJD focused on reform? Just punishment?"

"We reform a few," Prowl said. "The few cogs that aren't too broken or too dull to be of use, but rather would help the Autobot machine tick more efficiently, if only the rough edges could be sanded smooth." One hand grazed Mesothulas's waist, leaving a path of tingling light in its wake as it languidly circled around to the small of his back. "The ones like you."

Mesothulas's spark froze. "Wha—?"

He tried to twist at the exact moment Prowl shoved him. He grabbed Prowl's gauntleted wrist. "Prowl!" He hung by one hand and the tip of one foot in reality; his other arm and leg wheeled wildly in the Noisemaze, trying to help him keep balance, but he couldn't even tell which direction he was spinning them. A dozen directions at once. Prowl's mask melted and twisted in front of his optics. "Please! Don't— I— Take me— Ostaros—"

"When you get out," it looked like the Autobrand had melted onto Prowl's face, like it moved and shifted with his words, like he spoke through its mouth, "I expect your head to be empty of everything except thoughts of obeying me. If your Noisemaze works as well as you say, that should be no problem."

"No, no, no no no no—" He managed to get his other hand back through the portal, and the tip of his other foot, and he grabbed Prowl's hand. Prowl's optics blazed bright, the same pink as Mesothulas's armor. (Was it still pink? He couldn't see himself anymore, he was turning black, only his hands and the tips of his feet still looked pink.) "Please." He squeezed Prowl's hand. "Please."

Prowl stared at him, even as the edges of his face started to fall apart. And then he squeezed Mesothulas's hand back. Hope surged. Was he reconsidering? He was going to pull Mesothulas back in, this had just been to scare him, he still had one more chance—

"When you get out, you're going to make me an army, Mesothulas. Just like Ostaros." With his free hand, Prowl unlatched his gauntlet. It slid off and Mesothulas tumbled into madness.

The lab was dusty; the lights were out. Everything that Prowl could find an off switch for had been shut down months ago; everything he couldn't, had been left to run or burn out. Something had exploded. A couple of wings of the lab were rubble, now. Radiation from outside leaked in through a destroyed wall. Prowl had sealed all the doors he could between here and there, but he still wouldn't dare so much as take off his rad suit's helmet inside the lab.

A second suit was settled against the wall, waiting for a passenger, as Prowl ascended the pedestal to the Noisemaze's doorframe. Six months was long enough. Mesothulas was ready to come back.

Prowl pulled the lever to open the door.

Nothing happened.

He turned it off, and back on. And again. And again, more forcefully. "No." He looked down, getting off the pedestal, dropping to his knees to check the power cables. He grabbed every point at which they connected and twisted them together, tight, making sure the connections were secure. He risked exposing a sliver of armor under one gauntlet so he could hold his wrist against the cable, checking to make sure he could detect a flowing EM field through it. He latched his gauntlet back in place, and walked up to the doorframe again, to flip the switch one more time.

Sparks flew from the frame. Prowl stumbled back as something popped, and smoke spewed from behind the switch. "No!" He waved the smoke away and stormed up to the frame again, flipping the switch over, and over, and over. "No, no, no—" his voice got louder with every word, "—give him back, give him back. This is incarceration, not an execution!"

Nothing. He waved an arm wildly through the doorframe, ducked through it, quickly examined the doorframe from the other side, circled around it, circled around it faster. "No! Dammit, he's—he's mine, he's—give him back! Give him back to me!" He grabbed the frame, shook it—the lever coughed out a sad puff of smoke—and he leaned through it again. "Mesothulas!" As though the Noisemaze was still right through the doorway. "Mesothulas!" As though he could reach him from here, if only he was loud enough.

There was silence in the abandoned lab.

Prowl's hand slid off the doorframe. He dropped to his knees in the middle of the dead portal to the Noisemaze, cradled his head in his hands, and rocked back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

They say that the doorway in Petrex's room goes somewhere—or it would, if only somebody knew how to turn it on again. They say that it's a prison; they say he keeps something terrible locked away, and woe to anyone who's there when he unlocks it. They say that when Petrex sleeps on his doorway, hand pressed to its cement-and-rubble surface, sometimes something on the other side will scratch at it, desperate to get out; and sometimes, in his sleep, Petrex will scratch back.

They say many things about Petrex. A few of them are true.

Here's what they don't say about Petrex, but perhaps they should: he is icy, and hard, and unmovable, and implacable in public; but in private, he screams, he rages, he cackles, he dances, hot and explosive as a fire raging through a fuel refinery. You can see his optics behind his mask, wide and wild and red, but sometimes they're white-hot, and at those times his mask doesn't look icy but white-hot too. Here's what else they don't say: nobody has ever joined the Autobot Justice Division willingly; and most of those who join are criminals and turncoats that Petrex has reassigned to more important functions; but a few, a few are those who he has not chained to himself with invisible ununtrium links, but rather tied to himself with sinewy red threads. A few are those that he's loved too much to ever let escape.

Nobody says that about Petrex because nobody knows that he can feel love.

Petrex prefers it that way.

"What's the point of all this, Tarantulas."

Even when Prowl was on the ground and Tarantulas—what a stupid name, a grotesque alien name for an animal, a name that clattered and chattered against the back of Prowl's teeth, t-t-t—Tarantulas was pulled up high, huddling like a fearful creature against the wall—even at this range, Prowl had mastered the art of tilting his head just so, so that the way his mask framed his optics made it look like he was glaring down at Tarantulas. And he was glaring down at Tarantulas. Because no matter what a putrid beast he'd made of himself, no matter what a lowly bug he was now compared to Prowl, no matter all Prowl had achieved or all the power he'd amassed or all the soldiers at his beck and call—Autobot and Decepticon alike, now—the truth was, Tarantulas had blackmail, and Tarantulas had an invisible army, and Tarantulas had a prison in a pocket dimension where he'd trapped Prowl and where nobody knew how to find Prowl—and Prowl was terrified. And he would never, ever let Tarantulas know that.

"The point?" Tarantulas drew back, visibly surprised, and Prowl was pleased by his confusion even if he didn't understand it. "I—Isn't it obvious?"

"As obvious as you are pink." Tarantulas wasn't pink, anymore. He was black, all but for red biolights and the cotton candy pink on his feet and the filthy fuzzy tips of his new spidery limbs. Tarantulas flinched, looking down, self-consciously running a—it wasn't a hand, was it?—a hairy sausage over the black fur on one thigh, and Prowl made note of the insecurity to exploit later. "So what is this. Explain yourself."

"This is..." For a moment, Tarantulas wilted, visibly bewildered. "This is... what you asked me for."

Prowl stared at him, just as bewildered but much less visibly. "Explain more."

"You... you told me to empty my thoughts of everything, except obeying you." Tarantulas crept down the wall, his many legs squirming agitatedly. "You told me when I got out, I'd make you an army. And I—I have. I am."

Prowl stared at Tarantulas, as he lowered himself back to floor level. "You don't mean the Chimeracons. I thought they forced you to make their meat suits." The damage they'd left Tarantulas with was still visible, the melted and matted fur, the breaks in two of his spider legs. Of all the mysterious affairs surrounding Prowl's kidnapping, Prowl still couldn't figure out why, when Tarantulas commanded the Noisemaze and could shrink to the point of invisibility, he had put up with their abuses. Perhaps Prowl had trained him to tolerate too much. "They've already kidnapped me. They'd have tried to kill me if you hadn't intervened. What kind of army is that."

And once on the floor, Tarantulas kept lowering himself, kneeling at Prowl's feet. "I had to let them use me, to get the resources I needed to get close to you. They're irrelevant—they're only the start. Now that I've perfected the technology, I—I can pick up where I left off with Ostaros—y-you remember Ostaros, don't you?—just like you wanted. Making your army from scratch. Yours to do with as you please—overthrow the Prime, vanquish the Decepticons, reorder Cybertron to your specifications—all yours, Prowl. All of it. All—all of me." Prowl's ember leapt into his throat.

So he grabbed Tarantulas's. "Don't play with me."

Tarantulas flinched, but he didn't even try to pull back. "I'm not." His voice was shaky—Prowl couldn't see the fear on his face, he didn't know how to make sense of his new features yet, but he could hear it. "I'm not, I would never. I—Prowl, you're—you're all I thought about in the Noisemaze. When I could think. I—I was wrong to challenge your orders. I'm sorry. You're everything to me. You're my muse, my inspiration, my life, I—I'm yours. Anything you want from me, it's yours."

Prowl stared at him. And swallowed hard, trying to put his ember back where it belonged. He squeezed tighter. Tarantulas's visor widened, but he didn't even grab at Prowl's hand.

"Anything."

"Anything," Tarantulas whispered. It was the most beautiful word Prowl had ever heard.

And funny. Because Prowl remembered how it had been "anything" before, too—up until suddenly Mesothulas changed his mind, and then it wasn't.

Last time, Prowl had been too soft on Mesothulas—he'd liked him too much. He'd eased him into his new duties, slowly escalating the amount of energon he had to spill. That worked on most people. They'll commit any atrocity you ask for, as long as it's only just a little bit worse than the one before.

He wasn't making that mistake this time. While Tarantulas was still malleable, still vulnerable, still dizzy with adoration and desperate to regain Prowl's approval—Prowl had to make him do the worst thing he could imagine. Something so awful, that nothing else Tarantulas could possibly do would ever be worse.

"I do remember Ostaros." Prowl let go of Tarantulas's throat. Tarantulas swayed forward, following Prowl's hand, as though he wanted to be choked again. Pathetic. Gorgeous. "I took him with me. He's an Autobot now."

"He's—still alive?"

"He is. He's named Springer, now. 'Ostaros' was a stupid name." (Tarantulas flinched, gaze wavering, but he didn't argue.) "He'll be coming to rescue me as soon as he figures out where I am, I'm sure. You'll get to meet him."

Tarantulas's visor practically sparkled. "Oh! I—"

"When you do, you'll kill him."

Tarantulas stared at him. His strange rows of mandibles were frozen at irregular angles, as though he'd been caught with his mouth hanging open. "I... I don't understand, I..."

"I will not have divided loyalties." Prowl cupped Tarantulas's face in his hand, running a thumb along a ridge over his cheek. "If you're mine, then you're mine. No part of you will belong to anyone else."

Prowl could see the exact moment Tarantulas decided he would obey Prowl's order. It was the moment a light behind his visor died.

"... What does he look like, now." Tarantulas's voice was as hollow and toneless as Prowl's.

Prowl tilted his helm in just that right way to imply a smile. "I'm sure you'll know him when you see him."

The Noisemaze was falling apart. From Prowl's vantage point in Debris, he could see it convulsing and collapsing on itself. With one hand, Prowl stroked Tarantulas's head, as Tarantulas sobbed brokenly. Tarantulas's arms were flung around Prowl's waist, filthy claws clutching pitifully at whatever kibble he could latch onto, rocking back and forth as he wailed. Prowl had heard the wail of a grieving parent before, but never from a Cybertronian. He wondered if Tarantulas even counted as a Cybertronian now.

With his other hand, Prowl carried Springer's head.

Prowl was sorry for Tarantulas. He truly was. Prowl had always hated hurting him the most. But after this, everything else would come so much easier.

The Noisemaze was nothing but shreds and void by the time Tarantulas's sobs grew silent and his convulsions reduced to mere trembling. Only then did Prowl speak.

"Welcome to the AJD."

Tarantulas was silent.

After a long moment, he said, hoarsely, "I—w-we... we're named for our hometowns, aren't we? In the AJD. I... I was... truly... truly born in the Noisemaze, s-so... so, I guess..."

"No," Prowl said. "No, people get names. You're no longer a person. You've turned yourself into a beast."

Tarantulas didn't even wince. Something in Prowl shuddered at it—had he gone too far?—but he consoled himself: maybe Tarantulas was beyond pain, now. Everything would be easier from here on. Everything would be easier.

After another long silence, Tarantulas asked, "Then... what...? What's my...?"

Prowl rubbed a thumb affectionately over one of his horns. "You're my Pet."

Now, they say there's a monster in Petrex's private quarters that lives under his berth.

It's as black as Terminus's gaping maw and has just as many fangs, and it's just as likely to kill you. It's a freak that used to be Cybertronian, but now it's made of meat and metal, the metal rotting the meat and the meat rusting the metal, and it shambles around in the dark on too many legs, and it climbs the walls and ceiling and nests in the corners like a ghost trapped in the room where it died, trying to get free.

They say that Petrex can love; but his love is cruel, and cold, and it will suck the life out of you and leave you a husk of the mech you used to be before you caught his fevered gaze.

They say that when he finds somebody he wants, he chains them to himself with invisible ununtrium links, or ties them to himself with sinewy red threads, or, in one special case, webs them to him with sticky white silk.

They say that Petrex sleeps on a doorway, filled in with cement—a door that doesn't go anywhere. He presses his hand to it when he sleeps.

Sometimes, something scratches on the door from underneath.

Also on AO3.

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#prowl #tarantulas #transformers #maccadam #shattered glass #prowlrantulas #my writing #tfspeedwriting

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