#the way he understand mental health and it's connection to your body

[scarefox]

Not Bible selling ice bathing to me as a form of mental and physical health training. I mean he’s absolutely right about it and I am sure it does help.

and running as well....

(lol I feel that so hard)

[f1daydreamers]

𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐬 [𝐓𝐀𝟔𝟔] 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟔

gif credits: @trenty

Pairing: Trent Alexander-Arnold x Fem!Reader

Summary: Arne, in hopes to focus on his team’s mental health as much as their physical, recruits a younger but just as educated psychologist to work one-to-one with the more reserved players. Trent is one of them.

A/N: 700 followers is insaneeee and sm more than i acc thought id ever get so thank you so much! f1 and/or football fans, i love u all so much ugh ALSO if ur wondering why this chapter is longer than my lifespan it’s bcos u guys deserve it for being so patient and accept it as my dearest apology xxx

Warnings: a lot of fluff actually, casual banter, a lot of coffee mentions for some fkn reason lmfao, swearing probably

Word Count: 4.9k words (18 mins reading avg)

...

You push open the door to the training pitch, the cool breeze brushing against your face as you step outside, searching for Wataru.

The headache that’s been plaguing you all morning tightens its grip, and the fresh scent of the grass seems almost too intense. You rub your forehead, trying to ease the tension while scanning the field.

Across the pitch, Trent catches your eye, his movements fluid and graceful as he makes a pass. The ball connects with his boot in a way that’s almost poetic, the sound sharp and precise.

What usually feels like music to your ears now drives another spike of pain through your already throbbing head. You wince, pressing your fingers more firmly against your temples.

Finally, you spot Wataru near the edge of the pitch, zipping up his jacket while observing the players. As you approach, he looks up, concern immediately crossing his face as he takes in your weary appearance.

“Morning, Y/N,” he greets, his voice laced with worry. “Rough start?”

You manage a tired smile that feels more like a grimace. “Yeah, not the best morning. Overslept, skipped breakfast, and now this headache won’t quit.”

Wataru nods, his concern deepening. “You shouldn’t push yourself too hard. We can cancel if you need.”

Leaning against the wall beside him, you try to relieve some of the pressure on your aching body. “Thanks, but I’ll be alright. Just.. not exactly firing on all cylinders this morning.”

A quiet settles over you as you both watch the players go through their drills.

Trent sends a perfect cross into the box, and you can’t help but remark, “at least someone’s got their energy today.”

The usual lively atmosphere - the rhythmic thud of the ball, the shouts of encouragement, the bursts of laughter - feels like an assault on your senses. Each kick sends another ripple of pain through your skull, deepening the throbbing.

Wataru notices the way your shoulders tense with each sharp noise and is about to speak when you take a deep breath, pushing off the wall and forcing steadiness into your voice.

“I’ll be upstairs,” you say softly. “When you’re ready to start, just let me know.”

He nods, understanding clear in his eyes. “Take your time, Y/N. No rush.”

You offer a grateful smile before turning to head back inside. Each step is a conscious effort to stay composed. The quiet of the training centre seems more inviting than ever, a much-needed refuge from the relentless pounding in your head.

...

"Long night?" Trent remarked as he spotted Wataru holding two cups of coffee. His brows furrowed in mild surprise, though his tone remained light as he gestured toward the cups.

Wataru chuckled and shook his head. “Not for me. One of these is for Y/N.”

Trent’s expression shifted slightly, his brows relaxing as he nodded. “Oh.”

“She mentioned she skipped breakfast,” Wataru explained, “so I thought coffee might help.”

Trent glanced at the black coffee in Wataru’s hand, steam rising from the cup. His face remained neutral, but there was a subtle twitch at the corner of his lips before he spoke again.

“She doesn’t drink it black,” Trent said matter-of-factly.

Wataru blinked in surprise, glancing down at one of the cups. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah,” Trent replied, trying to sound casual. He looked away, his voice quiet but with a slight edge.

“You might want to add some milk and a bit of sweetener. I’ve never seen her drink it.. like that.”

“Ah, thanks,” Wataru said, giving him a nod as the coffee machine hummed in the background.

Trent responded with a curt nod of his own, the awkwardness of the moment settling over him.

As he waited for the machine to finish, he rubbed the back of his neck, obviously trying to shake off the uneasy feeling that’d crept up on him.

Finally, he poured himself a cup, his movements deliberate but distracted.

He never assumed he knew your coffee preferences, but the fact that he actually did only disturbed him.

Wataru exited the canteen, but Trent remained standing in his place, staring down at his cup. The liquid swirling as he gave it a half-hearted stir, his mind lost in thought.

He’d been trying to keep his distance from you, aiming to stay focused on his own routines. You were just another face at the training centre, someone there to do a job like everyone else.

At least, that’s what he kept telling himself.

So why had he noticed how you took your coffee? Why did it matter to him?

The thought nagged at him, making him feel off balance. He didn’t like it.

He didn’t like that he was starting to notice these little things about you, almost as if he was beginning to care. It made him feel uneasy, like he was losing his grip on the boundaries he’d set for himself.

He shook his head, wiping the bottom of the spoon on the rim of his cup before setting it down on the tray.

The nagging sensation in his chest made him feel vulnerable, and Trent Alexander-Arnold wasn’t supposed to be vulnerable. He was supposed to be focused, dedicated, with his head in the game and his heart firmly off the field.

He took a sip of his coffee, the bitter taste barely registering as he tried to shake off the uncomfortable thought.

The truth was, he’d been noticing you for a while now.

The way you moved, the sound of your laugh, the determination with which you threw yourself into your work - it was hard to ignore.

And he’d been trying to push those thoughts away, shoving them into the back of his mind where they couldn’t distract him.

But every now and then, they crept back in, uninvited and unwelcome.

He let out a deep breath and finally decided to move. He followed the same route Wataru had taken just a few minutes earlier.

As he stepped out of the canteen, he saw his teammate engaged in conversation with one of the backroom staff, overhearing snatches of words like "reschedule" and "now."

His attention drifted as he passed by, noticing Ibou absorbed in what looked like cricket highlights playing on the TV. Yet his mind was still clouded, so much so that he barely noticed when his name was called.

“Trent!” The voice cut through the haze, pulling him back to the present. He turned to see Wataru waving him over, his expression a mix of urgency and apology.

He hesitated for a moment before walking over, his footsteps heavy. “What’s up?” He asked, aiming to sound casual.

Wataru glanced at the staff member, then back at him. “I’ve got to go see Arne,” he said, his voice low. “Can you do me a favour?”

Trent raised an eyebrow, half-expecting to be asked to cover a training session or run an errand. “Depends,” he said slowly.

He saw Wataru’s gaze shift to the coffee cups in his hands, and he felt his stomach sink. A chorus of silent ‘no no no’s’ echoed in his mind, ignored by whatever higher powers may've been listening.

Wataru hesitated for a moment, a conflicted look on his face, before finally holding one of the cups out to him. “Do you mind taking this up to Y/N for me?”

Trent hesitated, frowning. “Can’t someone else do it?”

The faces of the two men standing opposite him twisted into mild confusion, as if that was the last response they expected.

"It won’t take you long."

His eyes flickered over. He clenched his jaw, not wanting to get involved. The last thing he needed was to play delivery boy, especially for you.

He was about to refuse again when he saw the concern in Wataru’s eyes. With a resigned sigh, he took the cup.

“Fine,” he grumbled.

Wataru’s face broke into a grateful but meek smile. He hurried off, leaving Trent to stare down at the cup in his hand, feeling a mix of irritation and something else he couldn’t quite name.

He headed toward the stairs, his steps slow, each one weighed down by the internal debate raging in his head.

He could just throw it out.

The thought crossed his mind almost immediately.

Dump the coffee and be done with it. You’d never know. And then he wouldn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing you.

But then again, Wataru would find out. He’d ask you about the coffee later, and if it never made it to you, Trent would have to come up with some kind of excuse.

Wataru might be easygoing, but he wasn’t dumb. Trent didn’t need anyone questioning him, especially over something as trivial as a cup of coffee.

He gripped the cup tighter, feeling the warmth seep through the paper. It’d be so easy to turn around, head back to the kitchen, and pour it down the sink.

Out of sight, out of mind.

He could almost picture it - the splash of tan liquid spinning down the drain, washing his hands of this whole situation.

But then there was the part of him that knew better, the part that had been growing louder lately. The part that remembered the way you looked this morning, rubbing your temples, the pain etched across your face.

He made his way down the hallway, taking the stairs one at a time until he stood outside your door.

He hesitated, he hated this strange, unfamiliar urge to do something nice for someone here. And for you, of all people.

It was annoying, unsettling.

Realising both hands were full, he resorted to tapping the toe of his trainer against the wooden door, three quick thuds echoing through the corridor.

Silence.

He clicked his tongue in frustration and tried again, tapping harder.

Still nothing.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” he muttered, irritation lacing his words.

As he stood there, a familiar figure sauntered down the corridor. Harvey noticed Trent’s growing agitation and, with a smirk, made his way over to investigate.

“What are you doing?” Harvey asked, his accented voice dripping with amusement. His eyes shifted from Trent’s face to the coffee cups, then to the trainer tapping rhythmically against the door.

“I’m knocking, genius,” Trent replied, his voice edged with sarcasm. He let out a sigh through his nose, tipping his head back slightly as Harvey's eyes flickered between him and the door.

“Since when do you ever knock?” Harvey questioned, eyebrows raised in mock disbelief.

Trent’s mouth opened to retort, but nothing came out. He hated to admit it, but he was right. He never knocked.

A beat of silence passed before Trent jerked his chin toward the door. “Get the door for me, yeah?”

Harvey grinned, clearly enjoying the moment. “I kinda wanna see how long you’ll keep this up,” he teased, his tone light.

Trent shot him a glare, though the corners of his mouth twitched with reluctant amusement.

“Alright, alright. Keep your hair on.” Harvey chuckled, relenting. He stepped forward, pressing down on the handle and pushing the door open.

Trent manoeuvred through the doorway, using the back of his shoulder to nudge it open the rest of the way, careful not to spill the coffee. He cast a sidelong glance at his friend, who leaned against the door frame with a smirk.

“See? Was that so hard?” Harvey quipped, his tone dripping with amusement.

“Yeah, yeah,” Trent muttered, rolling his eyes.

He stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room. Everything in your office looked untouched, as if you'd entered and gone straight to your desk. You were slumped over, head resting in one hand, elbow propped up on the wooden surface.

Either you’d fallen asleep, or...

“Is she dead?” Harvey asked.

"Here's hoping.” Trent mumbled in response.

He took a step closer, clearing his throat softly, but you remained oblivious.

Trent’s gaze flickered around the room, his usual composure faltering as he took in your dishevelled state. Despite his attempts to remain detached, seeing you like this stirred something deep within him that he couldn’t quite ignore.

With a sigh, he shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of the unease that had settled over him. He carefully placed the coffee on the desk beside you, his movements deliberate.

Tentatively, he reached out, his fingers barely grazing your shirt as if testing the waters.

When you remained unresponsive, he mustered the courage to place his full hand on your shoulder and gave you a gentle shake.

“Hey,” he said, his voice softer than he intended. “I’ve got your coffee.”

You stirred, lifting your head and blinking groggily. He removed his hand, straightening his back.

“Trent?” You mumbled, still half-asleep. The smell of the coffee faintly registered in your mind. “You didn’t have to..”

He shrugged, attempting to sound casual. “Wataru asked me to bring it up. And, well..” He glanced at you, feeling an unfamiliar tug of something he couldn’t quite name. “I figured you might need it.”

You sat up and rubbed your eyes. “Thanks. I really do.”

As he was about to leave, he noticed the pile of paperwork cluttered next to your computer, the chaos suggesting you’d been battling through it despite your headache.

“I, uh..” His voice faltered slightly. “Need any help with that?“

You were about to reply when Harvey’s voice cut in, disbelief evident in his tone. “You’re offering to help?”

Trent shifted uncomfortably, his back still turned to Harvey as he rolled his eyes. You caught the movement and chuckled softly.

“Not offering. Just—” He turned to see Harvey’s amused expression and added hastily, “—just making sure she's not swamped. Is that a crime?”

Harvey shrugged, crossing his arms. “Not at all. Just didn’t think you had it in you.”

Trent picked up half of the stack, maybe more, his actions earnest but guarded.

You watched him with a mix of gratitude and surprise, taking a sip of the coffee and feeling the soothing warmth begin to ease your headache.

Harvey raised an eyebrow, still leaning against the doorframe with a smirk. “Well, well. Didn’t think I’d see the day Trent Alexander-Arnold played the hero.”

Trent’s lips curled into a slight smile, his cheeks reddening as he held up a stack of papers toward Harvey. “Want to help?”

Harvey raised his hands in mock surrender, pushing himself off the doorframe. “I’ll leave you two to it. Have fun, lovebirds.”

As he departed, your cheeks warmed slightly, but you quickly shifted your focus to your inbox. An email from Arne caught your eye at the top, informing you that your session with Wataru had been rescheduled.

You exhaled, thinking, I slept through it anyway.

Trent, meanwhile, had sunk onto the couch, peeling off the top sheet of the document. He placed the remaining papers neatly on the cabinet beside him and studied the single sheet in his hand with a skeptical frown.

The bold black text at the top seemed to glare back at him: "For Liverpool FC Staff Only."

He paused, his fingers grazing the corner of the page. "I can read these, right?"

You glanced over, a small smile touching your lips as you met his gaze. “Yeah, they're just things I need to acknowledge I've read,” you said with a casual shrug, your voice carrying a hint of nonchalance.

Trent tilted his head, raising an eyebrow as he flipped the document over. “Seems a bit counter-productive, though,” he remarked.

“Not really. I never actually read them,” you explained nonchalantly.

A smirk played at the corners of his mouth. “And here I thought you were all about dedication to your job,” he said, his voice trailing off with a mocking edge.

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly, picking up your coffee cup again after dragging the stack of remaining papers closer.

“I am dedicated,” you replied with a hint of a smile, “but finance just doesn’t interest me. I skim.”

He hummed, his eyes scanning the text.

You paused before starting on your work, glancing over at Trent. “Anything important, just make sure you tell me.”

Trent looked up, his expression blank but his voice dripping with sarcasm. “What if I want to skim read?”

You smiled, shaking your head as you turned your attention back to the papers. “Shut up, Trent.”

His gaze lingered on you, a smirk playing at his lips as he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. He finally looked away, his smile widening just slightly.

...

The soft shuffle of papers and the occasional scratch of your pen had become a rhythmic background noise in the room.

Your headache had lessened thanks to the coffee and the company, but the stack of paperwork in front of you still felt like an endless mountain.

As you reached the final couple of documents, you heard Trent stand up from the couch.

You looked over just in time to see him stretching his arms above his head, the motion causing his shirt to lift slightly, revealing a sliver of toned skin beneath.

You swallowed, instinctively folding your lips inwards as your eyes lingered for a moment too long.

He was an athlete, after all, so naturally, he was fit, as any athlete would be. But seeing it up close stirred something in you that you quickly tried to dismiss.

He caught your glance, and instead of saying anything, Trent poked his tongue into his cheek, clearly holding back a remark.

His lips pressed together in a restrained smirk, like he was biting back a teasing comment. He didn’t want to overstep, especially in the middle of a setting like this one, and God forbid he came across like he’d noticed too much.

Your face grew warm, and you immediately redirected your attention back to the papers in front of you, pretending to scan over the same paragraph you had just read.

But the words on the page were a blur, the previous focus you had was gone, and all you could feel was your heart beating a little too fast, a bit too aware of his presence nearby.

He placed the now neatly organised stack of papers he had been working on back onto your desk. “These just need your signature now,” he said, his voice casual, but you could sense a hint of satisfaction.

You raised an eyebrow. “You finished all of them?”

He nodded, unfazed. He pulled out a folded A4 paper from his pocket.

“I made a note.. of everything that was important.” His fingers unfolded the paper to reveal messy, scribbled handwriting - a far cry from the neat, printed reports you were used to seeing.

But the gesture behind it was unexpectedly sweet.

You stared at the paper in his hand for a moment, a small smile tugging at your lips.

Trent, ever the enigma, had actually taken the time to make sure you didn’t miss anything crucial. His expression was calm, neutral even, but you knew deep down this was one of those moments he’d never let you thank him for.

“Thanks, Trent. That’s.. really thoughtful of you.” The words felt too light, not enough to fully express your gratitude, but you also knew him well enough to recognise that overpraising him would probably make him uncomfortable.

As expected, he shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, yeah. Just don’t make a habit of needing me for this stuff.”

You laughed softly, the sound light and refreshing. “I’ll try not to.”

There was a beat of silence before he shoved the note toward you, his eyes finally meeting yours for a brief second. "Make sure you check my notes, though. My handwriting’s a bit shit.”

You took the note from his hand, your fingers brushing against his for the briefest moment.

“I’ll make sure to decipher it,” you teased lightly, glancing down at the paper covered in hurried scrawls.

As Trent turned to leave, he paused at the door, glancing back at you. “Take it easy, Y/N. Can’t have you passing out on us.”

You nodded, cheeks flushed, as you fiddled with the paper between your fingers. The door clicked shut behind him, and you let out a deep breath.

The room suddenly felt quieter, emptier, but your mind wasn’t letting go. You pressed your lips together, trying to focus on the documents in front of you, but your thoughts kept drifting back to him - his quiet gestures, the sarcastic remarks, the infuriating smirks.

It was maddening how easily he got under your skin, how a simple glance could set your pulse racing.

Then, the memory played again in your mind, torturously vivid - the door shutting, the way he'd looked at you before leaving.

But then it hit you. Y/N.

Your mouth parted, breath hitching as the realisation dawned. He’d said your name.

For the first time, it wasn’t “psychologist.” It was your actual name.

Since you’d started here, you hadn't noticed how much that label created a barrier, a distance. Now, the memory of him saying your name replayed on a loop, breaking through that invisible wall.

You hadn’t realised how much you wanted to hear it from him.

Until now.

...

You were making your way down the hallway towards the cafeteria when you saw Wataru walking towards you. You exchanged polite smiles, a small gesture of recognition, as you passed by each other.

But something made you pause, and you turned back, calling after him.

“Wataru!” You said, a grateful grin crossing your face. He turned around, his eyes curious.

“Thanks for the coffee,” you added, your voice light with appreciation.

Wataru's smile widened as he slowed his pace. “Did Trent bring it up?” He asked, shifting his weight where he stood.

“Yeah, he did,” you confirmed.

“How’s the headache?” He asked, a soft concern in his tone.

“Gone,” you replied, your hand instinctively reaching up to run over the skin on your forehead. “Thanks to you.”

Wataru nodded, clearly pleased.

You studied him for a moment, your curiousity getting the best of you. You tilted your head ever so slightly and asked, “how did you know how I liked it? My coffee, I mean?”

He raised an eyebrow, caught off guard for a moment, then shook his head with a quiet laugh. “I didn’t,” he said plainly, his expression easy.

Your brow furrowed in confusion, your lips parting as you waited for him to explain further.

Wataru chuckled again and leaned in slightly, a conspiratorial tone in his voice. “Trent told me. Said you didn’t like it plain.”

Your heart skipped a beat, surprise flickering across your face. “Really?” You asked, your voice mellow with disbelief. “I didn’t know he knew that.”

Wataru smiled, watching the realisation dawn on you. “He’s an attentive boy,” he added with a nod, his tone thoughtful.

You blinked, processing his words. “Yeah,” you breathily replied, your brows lifting in agreement.

“Guess he is.”

...

Trent finished zipping up his thin jacket with a final click, the sound resonating softly as he shut the door to the vacant computer room behind him. He patted his pockets, making sure he had everything.

Across the hallway, you were locking your office door, your focus intent as you fumbled with the key.

Your eyes met at the exact same moment - yours lifting from the office door just as Trent’s eyes drifted from the closed computer room.

“Hey,” you greeted, a small, tired smile curving your lips.

Trent’s gaze flickered to your lips before settling back on your eyes, a subtle shift in his expression. “Hey,” he replied, his tone soft and casual, with an undertone of something more.

The corridor felt oddly intimate, the quiet hum of the lights and distant echoes were all you could hear. You adjusted your bag on your shoulder, gently clearing your throat.

Trent massaged the back of his shoulder, having had to stare at a computer for a number of hours, a gesture that revealed his own weariness.

“Long day?” He asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Yeah.” You nodded, briefly looking down before meeting his eyes again. “Caught up on some stuff with Wataru. And you?”

“Same,” Trent said with a small shrug, his gaze lingering a moment longer than usual. “Online seminar ran late.”

You stood there for a moment as the hallway seemed to close in around you, your small smiles communicating a quiet understanding.

“You heading out now?” Trent asked gently, his voice almost hesitant as if not wanting to break the moment.

“Yeah, just heading home. I'm assuming you're the same.” You replied, shifting your bag once more.

“Yep,” Trent said, his eyes meeting yours.

"Walk with me?" You tilted your head to the end of the hallway where the stairs led downstairs.

He looked over, swallowing as he nodded his head. "Sure."

You both turned, your shoulders grazing ever so slightly as you walked in what felt like a comfortable silence together, descending the stairs.

You walked side by side toward the building’s exit. Brian, stationed by the manually operated door on the same wall as the now-locked automatic ones, gave it a gentle push open.

"See you tomorrow, Brian." You expressed with a genuine smile, giving him a small wave.

"See you, love. Have a good night, son." He replied warmly.

"You too." Trent added.

He stepped aside though as he turned slightly, his body angled to give you clear passage. With a subtle sweep of his hand, he motioned for you to go ahead before him.

You slipped past, your back brushed lightly against his chest, the brief contact making your stomach flip in an instant.

The sensation caught you off guard, sending a jolt of warmth through your body. You felt like a schoolgirl again, every accidental touch with a crush igniting a fire in your limbs.

Crush? You blinked, shaking the thought out of your head quickly. Nope, nope. That’s not it.

You exhaled quietly, trying to steady yourself, looking back as Trent caught up beside you.

A brisk gust of wind whipped around you both. Instinctively, you tucked the loose strands of hair that had escaped your bun behind your ear, crossing your arms over your chest to keep warm.

Trent shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, his breath visible in the cold air.

“Getting colder,” you commented.

“No shit,” Trent agreed, his voice a bit strained against the chill. “Summer ended quick.”

"You can talk, you weren’t even in the country," you teased, giving him a sidelong glance.

Trent didn’t miss a beat, replying almost instantly, "you didn’t even work here then, how would you know?"

You opened your mouth to respond but hesitated, the words not quite forming in time. Trent noticed and grinned, his smugness unmistakable.

“Someone stalking my Insta?”

You rolled your eyes, fighting the grin threatening to break out. “Please. You think you’re that interesting?”

Trent shrugged, a playful glint in his eyes. “Can’t blame ya. I mean, half the world’s got eyes on me.”

“Half the world, huh?” You shot back, arching a brow. “I didn’t realise your four friends counted as ‘half the world' now.”

He chuckled, tucking his chin deeper into his jacket. “Still more friends than you’ve got.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” you replied smoothly, flashing a grin. “I’ve got friends, too. Just.. a bit more exclusive.”

“Exclusive, eh?” Trent said, his tone mock-serious.

"Mhm," you trailed off, smiling.

As you walked, your mind wandered back to earlier in the day, remembering how he’d said your name. It was brief, almost casual, but it had stuck with you. It had felt different, personal.

And now, it replayed in your head, over and over.

Without fully realising it, you broke the silence. “You said my name.”

Trent’s steps slowed as he processed your words, a flicker of confusion crossing his face. “What?”

You looked down, cheeks flushed from the cold - or maybe something else. “When you left my office earlier, you called me by my name.”

Trent pressed his bottom lip up to his top as he thought back. “Pretty sure I’ve said your name before.”

“Not to me,” you said, glancing up at him with a hopeful look.

He tilted his head. “And why’s that so important?”

“Because.. it is,” you admitted, a hint of vulnerability slipping through. “To me, it is.”

Trent's muscles relaxed as his eyes roved over your features. “The bar's in hell, huh?”

You laughed, the sound warm and genuine, cutting through the chill. You nudged his arm with your hand.

“Whatever,” you mumbled, crossing your arms over your chest to trap the heat.

You finally approached Trent’s car, and he turned to you with a nod before pressing the unlock button on his keys.

You watched as he walked closer to his car door and opened it. The quiet of the evening was interrupted by your voice, again.

“Thanks for the coffee,” you said, raising your voice slightly to cut through the wind.

Trent's lips twitched, biting his bottom one to hold back from taking any credit. “I didn’t make your coffee.”

“Don’t lie, Trent. It doesn’t suit you." You remarked, scrunching your nose and shaking your head.

For a moment, his eyes stayed on you, lingering with a soft intensity. You held his gaze, feeling an unspoken connection. The seconds stretched on as you both seemed to take in the moment, your heart racing slightly in the charged silence.

Trent eventually looked away, fiddling with the keys in his hand.

“Get out of the way before I run you over." He quipped, his voice lighthearted.

“Charming,” you retorted.

Trent shook his head, getting into his car.

You began walking towards the pedestrian gate, hearing the engine of his car start up as you turned to give him one last glance before starting your short walk home.

...

Part 7

Masterlist

Comment below if you want to be part of the taglist! Once you are part of it, you'll be reminded for every part of the series until its completion!

Taglist: @trentwife @bluebreadenthusiast @julovesurmom @blubsberries @remmysthings @heyjudeb @keepitabuckxx @vivi-grace @hoddystark @hiireadstuff @trentione @missusstark @iamasimpingh0e @xxxstormyninixxx @lolawwww22 @myloveisforbellingham @purpleniight @bffrwme @mss-nthng @miniemonie2001 @severebelearthquake @fireofsoul5 @greasywall @livelovepasta @bigdikzaddy @witchhkitty222 @mountsgirlsblog

[kaiser1ns]

#. THE SYMBOL OF MY REGRET, YOU ARE MY BIGGEST SIN

featuring 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗸𝗮 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

angst. the hatred is a perverse form of affection, and even as you stand there, bruised and broken, both of you understand that this is the only way you know how to love.

tw :: toxic realtionship, physical harm, both parties are aggressive, blood, sadomasochism, takiishi is a warning on his own.

It's toxic, and suffocating, a bottomless pit, a trap without a drop of light. A continual pattern of emotional harm, disrespect, and manipulation leads you to deterioration in mental and emotional health, and you were already broken even before you started dating him.

You were screaming at each other, words harsh and cutting. Slapping him across the face, he grabbed your wrist, pulling you close with a growl. He was holding you tight, almost to break your arm at any moment as you kicked him to create a distance. The apartment was a battlefield, objects hurled and shattered in the heat of from another pointless argument. You threw a vase at him, narrowly missing his head. He retaliated by punching the wall, leaving a dent. Glaring at each other, breathless and wild-eyed, and it was nothing new. That's how your dynamic worked, that unhealthy dynamic, a parody of joy.

You wanted to take back your love and be free but you can't, or more likely you don't want to, refusing to acknowledge your own mistakes. He is strong and extremely tough but you are already used to it — used to him. You loved being in pain, and you loved when you caused pain. Unable to put limits on both of your vicious behaviors and possess the right to be merciless, the main task is to control and punish.

Was it normal for 18-year-olds to be like that, to behave like that? Was it normal to want to kill each other? This wasn’t love; it was a twisted addiction. But the thought of a life without him was more terrifying than the thought of killing each other. If he pushed, you would push back, harder and harder, until one of you broke. And if you had to chase him through every lifetime, hunting him down in every new existence, you would. 

His smile is manic, blood streaked across his face, a disturbing blend of sadism and masochism that few can comprehend, let alone tolerate. But then again, you’re the only one who can handle him. No one else could stand being around Takiishi Chika. No one else would dare. As his lips twist into a grin that speaks of both pain and pleasure as if he derives equal satisfaction from inflicting agony and enduring it himself, he charges at you again.

Meeting him head-on, a collision of bodies and raw emotion. His hands find your throat, and the world tilts as you gasp for air. But you fight back, fingers digging into his hair, yanking his head back until his grip loosens and you take the opportunity to slam your fist into his jaw. He stumbles, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth, and for a moment, you think you’ve won. You are both broken, battered, bleeding—but not beaten. Not yet.

Your body is like a canvas painted with bruises and blood, each old scar opened anew like a used and worn palette. He isn't looking any better, you are one and the same. You push yourself further, beyond every limit, into a realm where suffering and pleasure blur into one. It's not just the pain you crave; it's the power that comes from embracing it, from turning it into a weapon against him.

Then he’s on you again, a storm of fists and fury, and you’re locked in a vicious embrace, each trying to outdo the other in terms of brutality. His fist connects with your side, and you retaliate with a punch to his ribs. It’s a back-and-forth dance of pain, each blows a showcase to your toxic bond.

His laughter is sinister, almost childish by the way he likes to have fun, as he wipes the blood from his lip. “Is this all you’ve got?” he taunts, voice dripping with disdain. The words cut deeper than any wound he could inflict, but you don’t let them break you. Instead, you let the rage boil over, your vision narrowing as you launch yourself at him again.

"You think you’re so tough?” you spit out, your voice laced with venom. “You’re nothing but a pathetic excuse for a man.”

You feel his fingers dig into your skin, nails scraping flesh, and the sharp sting of his teeth sinking into your shoulder. You scream, a raw, primal sound, and it fuels him further. He pulls back just enough to see your face contorted in pain, and his eyes light up with a sick satisfaction. 

Oh, how much he enjoyed it. Takiishi Chika enjoyed seeing you like this, he loved it when you became like him. A monster.

He leans in closer, his breath hot against your tear-streaked cheek. You feel the warmth of his mouth as he presses his lips to your skin, tasting the mix of blood and tears. The kiss is far from affection; it’s an act of dominance, of possession. The metallic taste lingers, a cruel reminder of your helplessness.

His grip tightens, and you see the enjoyment dancing in his eyes. Takiishi Chika revels in this, in seeing you broken and bleeding, becoming something closer to his own twisted reflection. Your pain is his pleasure, your despair his delight.

His touch is both a torment and a comfort, a reminder of how deeply you've fallen into the abyss of your regrets. You are the embodiment of his darkest fantasies, as he is your ultimate sin—a symbol of his existence into a cruel mockery of love.

The apartment is a blur of chaos around you – furniture overturned, glass crunching underfoot, the echoes of your struggle bouncing off the walls. You catch a glimpse of yourselves in the mirror, two figures locked in a deadly struggle, indistinguishable from predator and prey.

Finally, you’re both on the floor, exhausted and bleeding, but neither willing to yield. You roll away, gasping for breath, staring at the ceiling as the adrenaline starts to fade. Takiishi lies beside you, his breathing just as labored. The silence is deafening, filled with the aftermath of your war.

You turn your head to look at him, and he meets your gaze, something shining in his eyes; it's euphoric. You know this isn’t over — it never is. This is your life, your reality, a cycle you can’t break. And as much as you hate it, you know you’ll do it all over again because this is how you love. The more you hurt each other, the more you realize how you can't live without him and he can't live without you. A tragic and sinful love story.

taglist :: @kajibunny @slerixx @maruflix @stunie

©2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work

[so-long-soldier-writes]

One of Those Days

poly!mikaelsons x reader | request

summary: between the constant fighting and city clamor, you're overstimulated from the minute you wake up. you try to isolate until you feel better, but sometimes, that only makes things worse. luckily, your loving vampire partners are always there for you.

tags: sensory issues, mental health, overstimulation, arguing, mild emotional hurt / comfort

word count: ~2.6k

a/n: requested by @asexualaromosafezone - i am SO SORRY this took me literal months to complete. a couple days ago, i suddenly remembered i never filled it and finished it asap. i hope you like it, and again, so many apologies!

Sometimes, you wake up, and can immediately tell it’ll be a hard day. The sun has barely risen, yet there’s already a million noises coming through your window. Chatters of people having their morning walks, car horns from those too impatient to let them cross, the distant clang of a dropped pot, and-

“REBEKAHHH!”

-Klaus, yelling for his sister. At seven in the morning. 

“What the bloody hell are you shouting for?! I’m right here!”

You sigh, glad that mystery solved quickly.

There’s probably a few more minutes until your alarm rings, so instead of getting up a little earlier, you opt to enjoy your last minutes of peace. Though you soon realize that’s impossible, given your circumstances. On top of the city sounds, there’s a bird right outside your window, and when you try to turn away from it, the tag on your blanket itches the inside of your thigh. 

“Ugh!” You toss the blanket off. 

Your alarm sounds not a second later. 

With a slap to your phone and then another to your forehead, you decide to just get ready for the day. Luckily, not much is planned. Marcel still has control over the city, and with you being human, your Mikaelson hosts don’t want you outside at all. 

See, you live with the family of original vampires. You used to be a Mystic Falls’ resident, but then after developing a close connection with the siblings, decided to move to New Orleans with them and get a fresh start. You were tired of the small town life, and while the big city can be overwhelming at times, you’ll never get sick of the culture it has to offer. Besides, living with the most powerful family makes you happier than you ever believed you could be. 

As much as you love them, though, they can be a pain. Like when Klaus can’t find his sister, but forgets a whisper would summon her just as effectively. Instead, he has to wake up the whole quarter, and inconvenience you with a headache. When you reach the dining room that day, you slump your head on the table. 

“Everything alright, darling?” Kol’s voice floats over your head, making you aware of his presence. 

“Tired.”

“Is your bed comfortable enough? Do you need more blankets?”

You haven’t been in the city long, and his consideration warms your heart. 

“Oh, I’m okay. I’m very comfy. Just haven’t gotten used to the city yet.”

“Ah, I understand.”

His attention drifts to his sister. You busy yourself with a plate of food and ignore how tired you feel. When Elijah sits beside you, you offer a smile, but don’t say anything. The man, polite as ever, does the same. Though while two of the siblings are quiet, the other two aren’t. Klaus and Rebekah are still on the same topic from earlier. They bounce off each other quickly, childish banter turning into an argument.

You try to eat in peace and ignore them, but it’s difficult. And it doesn’t help that you’ve been feeling down lately, anyway. It’s rather unexplainable, the way you feel. Some days you’d rather stay in bed all day than face the world. Your whole body could be begging for you to get up and get things done, but you just can’t. No matter how hard you fight your own mind, sometimes there’s no winning the raging war. 

To make matters worse, you’re always hypersensitive when you find yourself in these low moods. Every little thing is overstimulating and there’s no pause button. This morning, you didn’t even get a chance to wake up before the sounds started. (Thanks, Klaus.) You roll your eyes in your head, annoyed. 

“Hey.” A poke to your shoulder startles you, making you jump. “You okay?” 

“Ooh, you caught me off guard.”

“Sorry,” Kol smiles, “you in deep thought, or rolling your eyes at Klaus’ statement?”

“Uh…” You bite your lip. You were rolling your eyes about Klaus, but missed whatever statement it was that he just made. “What did he say?”

“That he was on his way to have a little chat with Marcel. That will go swimmingly.”

“Oh.” You snort and decide to joke. “Both.”

Kol grins at you, but then, thankfully, leaves you alone again. 

After breakfast, you retreat back into your room, not in the mood to face the day. If Klaus is really going to start shit with Marcel, it’ll be an intense day. You’ve never met the current king of the French Quarter, but Elijah’s told stories. Marcel and the family used to be close, but then, like all their other relationships, ties ended drastically. 

“But not with you, of course,” he had promised. “You’re our girl.”

You were skeptical for a moment. Who wouldn’t be, knowing the Mikaelsons? But then Klaus approached you from behind with a kiss to your hair and confirmed his brother’s words,

“As long as we have your loyalty, you’ll always have ours.”

You could see the truth in his statement. Everyone who ended up on their bad side had betrayed them in some way. So, as long as you didn’t repeat others’ mistakes; as long as you kept your trust in the family, you would be considered family. And ever since the day you first grew close, you have been their family. 

You’re close with all of the siblings. Elijah, first, when you couldn’t take your eyes off him at Damon’s dinner party. Then Rebekah, and then Kol, when he undaggered. Even Finn, before his untimely death - thanks to Matt, your good friend now worst enemy. Klaus took the longest to trust you, and you can’t blame him for having trust issues, but once he realized how much his siblings adored you, he was quick to accept your place with them. 

Now, the five of you live together, nine hundred miles from your hometown. It’s certainly a change, but every day with them is an adventure.

Like today, you suddenly think, overhearing Elijah’s footsteps in the hallway. Today has definitely been one of those days. 

“Y/N?” He stops outside your door.

“Mhm?”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

Elijah opens the door, but doesn’t fully enter your room. He looks you up and down before smiling. “I just thought you seemed sad earlier and wanted to check on you. Is everything okay?”

“Oh!” You put on a brave face to mask the tiredness you feel internally. “Yeah, I’m just out of sorts today. It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure? Because if someone’s bothering you, that’s something we can take care of.”

“No, no, I promise. It’s all just me. Just having a day.”

“You’re positive?” He asks for confirmation again.

“Have I ever lied to you, ‘Lijah?”

He looks down at his shoes, embarrassed. “No, you haven’t. I apologize for doubting you.”

“It’s okay,” you step closer to him, resting against the door frame. “No need to apologize. But I swear, I just… woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something. New Orleans is a loud city. I’m still adjusting.”

“Okay. Well, call if you need anything. Even the smallest thing.”

“I will.”

“Oh, and be careful in the off-chance that Marcel storms in here. There’s a fight brewing in the quarter.”

“I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Better yet, stay inside for the day. So you’re not in harm’s way at all.”

“Okay, ‘Lijah.”

He smiles at you, then kisses your hand. “Now, I need to neutralize my brother. But I needed to make sure our girl was okay first.”

“She’s okay. Go deal with him.”

Elijah straightens his collar before speeding off to no doubt defend his brother in a fight. You love Klaus, but man, does he get angry. And then from anger, comes pure rage, then absolute chaos. Once situations escalate that far, the whole block better hide if they want to keep their hearts in their chest. 

You sigh, thinking of the carnage that may come. You’re not sure you can deal with his anger issues today, especially not coupled with those of Marcel. Of all the days they have to fight, it’s the one that you might snap, too, if he raises his voice one more time. 

Suddenly, your bed looks like the perfect oasis away from the mess behind your door. A good pillow over the ears might prevent an impending meltdown. You crawl into it at once and let your body melt into the mattress. 

You hadn’t lied to Elijah, though you hadn’t given him the full truth, either. Yes, you are, in general, okay. Not necessarily today, but at that moment, you were. Also yes, you’re not feeling great today, partly because of all the city noise. And, finally, yes, most of it is just you and your body not in the mood to be awake. Though Klaus is contributing, just a little bit, to your mental distress today. Elijah would understand, of course, but then he’d have a talk with his brother about it, and you really didn’t want to burden either of them in that way, so you put on a smile and didn’t mention it. You’d bet Elijah knows the full truth, and knows why you won’t admit it, but he respects you if you don’t want to talk about it. That’s one of the reasons you love him so much. 

You get a couple hours of rest until your slumber is interrupted by a new knock on your door. It’s not soft, like Elijah’s, so it must be one of the younger two. 

“Oh no,” you mutter, wondering what it must be now.

“Y/N?” Rebekah’s voice comes from the other side. “Are you awake?”

“I am now.” 

She opens the door as you reply. “Oh what the bloody hell are you still doing in bed?”

“Sleeping.”

“Obviously! Come watch a movie with Kol and I! We’d love your company.”

“An actual movie, or the public display of violence happening outside in the quarter?”

“We haven’t decided yet!” She grabs your hand. “Come on!”

You yawn. “I’m gonna pass today, I’m not up for it.”

“Awh, Y/N! It won’t be as fun without you!”

“I have a headache, Bex,” you fib. 

“Do you want some blood for that?”

“Does that even work like that?”

She shrugs, “not sure.”

You cuddle into your pillow. “Another time, okay?”

The girl smiles, then leans forward to kiss your head. “Okay. If you change your mind, come find us.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“Dinner’s at seven. Will you be there?”

“Yeah,” you promise, “I should be better by then.”

You are not, in fact, better by then. If anything, your foul mood progressed into an actual headache within thirty minutes of Rebekah leaving. Shouts throughout the city managed to penetrate the thin glass of your windows, and you could hear almost everything as Klaus heckled the current king. For hours, it went on, until the sun went down and they assumedly put it off for another day. By seven o’clock, you were able to sneak in another nap, but you still felt way overstimulated from the day’s events. 

Not to mention the fact that you spent all day in bed. Sometimes, you’re overstimulated by too much going on, but today you partly did it to yourself by hiding away all day. The guilt of avoiding everyone weighs on your chest. Rebekah had invited you to a movie; Elijah went out of his way to check up on you, and you had more or less dismissed them both. A bitter taste sits in your mouth when you think about it. Water doesn’t wash it out.

Hopefully dinner will. 

For the first ten minutes, the night passes peacefully. Most of the conversation is focused between the meal and the movie the two had watched. The events of the day, seemingly, are left in the past.

But then, of course, Kol has to make a comment on something he overheard that he thought was funny. And that set Klaus off into a spewing of anger. He’s pissed at Marcel, but now, also, at Kol for bringing it up. Elijah puts his face in his hands, and Rebekah sends both a huge eye roll. 

What was a moment of much-appreciated silence is now a yelling match. After five minutes, you reach your breaking point. 

“Why do you feel the need to comment on that, Kol? It was so insignificant, but you’ve felt the need to bring it up, and now I’m reminded of how much Marcel has done to piss me off!”

“I didn’t mean to make you upset, bloody hell! I thought it was funny!”

“It wasn’t funny to me when he was spitting in my face! I-”

“Oh my god! Are you ever not arguing?!” You suddenly shout. 

The table goes silent and all eyes are on you. A needle could be dropped and it would be heard across the quarter. 

“I’m sorry,” you apologize quickly, embarrassed.

“Love,” Elijah puts a hand on your shoulder, “are you alright?”

At his touch, you flinch. He retracts his hand quickly, but doesn’t move his body away from its proximity to yours. 

Klaus, although upset at the interruption, notices this and calms a little. “Everything okay, Y/N?”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

“That little outburst didn’t sound like nothing.”

“I’m just stressed.”

“Darling, what’s got you all upset? Tell us and we’ll sort it out now.”

“It’s no one, Kol, I’m just not feeling well.”

“Still have a headache, sweetheart?” Rebekah asks. 

“You have a headache?” Klaus butts in. 

The assortment of questions makes you drop your head. It nearly hits the table, but Elijah grabs your frame before you can fall. Tears form in your eyes, visibly. 

“I’m just really overstimulated today. I woke up weird and this city is loud, and then there was all the fighting all day long, and then I hid in my room all day, but then I felt bad about hiding, and now I’m making you all worried because I can’t get my shit under control!”

“And that’s your fault, how?” Elijah asks, “you cannot blame yourself for the way you feel.”

“But I need to handle my emotions better. I’m sorry.”

“No apologies necessary, love,” Klaus adds, “I certainly haven’t helped, fighting with children all day.”

“Niklaus,” Elijah warns, but Klaus doesn’t argue with him this time. 

“I should’ve stayed with you when you said you had a headache.”

“Don’t blame yourself either, Bex. It’s not your fault.”

“But we could’ve cuddled,” she frowns.

“It’s okay. I got a nap, and it helped a little. I just need to get used to my life being different now. None of you are at fault.”

“Nor are you,” the eldest reminds, “it’s been quite a day for us all.”

Kol clears his throat, “say, after dinner, if you feel up to it, we could all watch a movie and cuddle around you? I think some comfort is much needed.”

“Sure,” you agree, “but I might fall asleep during it.”

“That’s quite alright,” he smiles. He then stands up to hug you, but when his arms wrap around your neck, you freeze.

“Not yet, please. I’m still a bit stressed.”

He gives you a wink. “Of course, darling. Let me know when you’re ready.”

Klaus flicks his napkin across the table. He’s folded it into the shape of a heart. “We love you. You know that, right?”

You take the heart, kiss it, and put it in your pocket. “I do. I love you all, too. Thanks for understanding.”

[brucewaynehater101]

Hello I have an idea for Tim.

What if he got those game screens pop up whenever he's doing some side missions or quests. And after that he'll get some cool and valuable stuff like: cool weapons with superpowers that are not from his world, advantages of gaining more information than the whole hero community, etc..

The Batfam probably thought that he was doing those missions because he was bored and wanted to relieve some stress, which is kinda true but whenever he does these quests he also makes a lot of allies from across the planets and helps him through it while also being part of the "Tim protector squad".

Also the screen will always congratulate him and give him some praise, plus the screen can also help Tim by upgrading his stuff or watching him from any danger and giving him a warning to be careful. Just a guy with his screen, what could go wrong? Hahah-

But. The screen can also give him some weird quest like "protect your loved one from [Redacted]" which confuses Tim but the screen doesn't have any power only providing him so who's the one controlling the screen???

Anyway these are just silly thoughts that I want to give :333

Heck yeah! I love exploring unusual/non-typical powers.

I really really want to develop this some more, so let's set up a power!

My favorite genre of games is horror. The fighting styles, gameplay, concepts, stick layouts, and all of that can be drastically different between games [at least Tim isn't stuck with game powers where he can't fight back]. Because of that, the end goal may be impossible to reach and thus changes to a new objective.

Here is an example of where this happened with Tim:

Convince Dick Grayson to become Robin Become Robin

Tim's thoughts and feelings can affect the missions he's given. He will never be given an objective he would not do (e.g. Kill Alfred). Not completing any task (side or main) can have consequences. Main ones have drastic outcomes that he can only somewhat control if he attempts them.

Upon completion, he gets points and rewards. His rewards are anything from new skills, connections, weapons, resources, etc.

His points can be used either in the "shop" or for his skill tree (Tim desperately wishes it was a "pay to play" game so he can get more points).

The shop has weapons, elixirs (one of which is Lazarus water), one use spells, maps, information/clues, outfits with effects, armor, etc.

His skill tree has three main branches: Body, Mind, and Soul.

For Body, he can enhance any of his characteristics to the upper limits of humans: eye sight, health, stamina, strength, sense of smell, etc. His points can also lower the difficulty or time needed to learn a very specific skill (ex. spending 5 points to decrease time needed to learn how to wield a pistol).

For Mind, he can hasten his thinking speed, create defenses against multiple mental attacks (including emotional manipulation and telepathy), decrease the mental energy required per tasks, decrease time spent learning languages/information, etc.

For Soul, this includes abilities to protect himself from magical/whatever interference, increase charm, increase ability to understand/read others' emotions, etc.

If he sounds OP, worry not! Tim suffers from never having enough points (he learned the hard way that he also needs to keep an amount saved up in case he suddenly needs to buy a tool or skill to save his or someone else's life.). There's so much he can buy, but there are only so many hours to complete side missions

Tim's least favorite quest was when he was chilling alone with his Zesti and suddenly got the notification:

Run

Jason's a jerk for scaring the shit out of Tim like that at TT

[etheries1015]

Adult (20+) MC finally figures out how to properly make money, BESIDES working for Azul. Become not only the prefect and be a student, but an on the call designated therapist!

"Crowley, really. I'm far older than the other students, it is not my fault the mirror has brought you a full grown adult rather than another proper student! I finished all of my schooling where I am from, I do not wish to repeat it along side these....kids!" You had complained to him. Well, what was he to do? The mirror had obviously chosen you to be at that school, you had no other merits at the time to offer him, and to simply put it...without a way to go home, what else could possibly occupy your time in a world in which you know nothing about, than gather intel by throwing yourself into the most prestigious of schools? The answer seemed obvious at the time, until you realized just how bad it was.

Teenagers are still teenagers, after all. Especially a bunch of teenage boys surrounded by...well... Other teenage boys. Magic or not, they were still going through any other mental struggles as any normal human. However, putting magic into the mix had surely caused you some...extra unprecedented grief you had never needed to worry about in your world. After what, three? Four? Overblots and life endagerment exibitions, you had an epiphany. With extensive knowledge of the human brain system, life experience, and a plothera of coping mechanisms under your belt, what better way to open the door than to become none other than the designated student body therapist?

With some rather convincing techniques, you had managed to convince Crowley to, as you put it...

"Let me take this off of your plate! You are so busy being such an amazing head master running this school as perfectly as you are, I understand the durasic increase of overblots have your hands tied behind your back! As you know, I am an adult with ample experience in the field of mental health. Although I don't have the documents to prove it as much at this time seeing as they are back in my world....I just know you will not regret hiring me as a therapist."

A few more convincing lines (and perhaps a week of pestering, begging, manipulating-- I mean convincing , he had eventually hired you as the school therapist! With, of course, the expectation that you had to take an additional class to further certify you were able to properly do such a job. (You were kind of mad a bout that, seeing as you knew you were qualified, but hey. Pick and choose your battles I guess. At least you managed to get by with a couple additional classes, instead of a million years of schooling.)

You had a personal office in ramshackle, an empty dorm becoming suitable with your own personal desk, computer, book shelf, and another necessities. You had a location in the main building, the room connected to the nurses office had been refurnished as your main office. Book shelves of self care, items for fiddling with, bean bags, posters with encouraging words, and a desk full of papers, along with other needed items graciously funded by the school (you threatened Crowley at one point, accusing him of not caring of his students.) Of course, being on call meant students may drop by the dorm at any given time for your aid and expertise, so the ramshackle dorm lounge was also redecorated suited for sessions that were a bit more casual.

But of course, you also managed to juggle your studies as a student, wanting to continue to learn about magic. Working on the call was nice, keeping your phone on and excusing yourself whenever official work called for you. Unless you rather not be a student, that is fine, too. Full time therapist work may be the job for you!

Helping students heal one tragic back story at a time seemed perfectly fitting. (You just wanted to finally get paid and recognized for what you were already doing.)

[sabrgirl]

ramadan series: ramadan for women on their periods ♡

sometimes, it can be disheartening when we're on our period during ramadan - especially if during the last 10 days of ramadan - and it may feel like we are missing out on the blessings as we cannot fast or pray. however, there are other things we can do to take part and it is important to plan what you will do on these days in advance.

some things you can do are:

sit and talk to Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ

one of my favourite things to do is just talk to Allah, whether I'm sitting down or walking around. He is always there listening, so why not talk to Him like He is your Friend? ask for what you would ask for during salah, have a conversation and pour out your heart as though you were in sujood - except now, you're just talking with him outside of prayer! this is a great way to boost your connection and relationship with Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ .

gain islamic knowledge

there are many ways to do this such as: - reading an islamic book - watching islamic lectures / videos - listening to islamic podcasts

study surahs

if you type in 'tafsir surah _____' on youtube, there are videos out there that can help you understand surahs in more depth and learn lessons from them. someone on youtube said why not study Surah Maryam to learn about an important woman during this time and get inspiration from her!

there are many resources to study the commentary of the Qur'an online that you can read, too.

eat healthily and regain nourishment

this is a time to eat healthily and drink lots of water to rejuvenate your body and have a break before you fast again. cook and eat healthier recipes to help get your energy up so that when you do fast again, you are able to do so better Insha’Allah.

increased dhikr

make a plan for yourself. for example - maybe you'll want to recite istighfar and subhanallah x250 times during salah times so that, although you can’t pray at the moment, you are still remembering Allah during prayer times and gaining blessings. 

perhaps you can even wake up at Tahajjud or Fajr time and do dhikr then, to remember Him during the early hours when you would usually wake up to fast and pray. 

you can recite Durood Sharif as soon as you wake up or when you’re about to go to sleep

learn names of Allah and invoke Him with them during du’as.

listen to the Qur'an

we may not be able to physically touch and read the Qur'an Mushaf during this time, but we can still listen to it, alhamdulillah. play it aloud and listen to it throughout the day as you cook, study, go for a walk, etc. there are many playlists of the Holy Qur'an on Spotify, Apple Music and YouTube. 

you can also read it on your devices (phones, laptops), as you are not physically touching the Mushaf, and can download PDFs of the Qur’an too.

do charitable acts

increase your charity and pay sadaqah, give to the poor, have a little sadaqah box, make iftar for the homeless or for neighbours or family and friends.

rest!

our bodies go through different things during our periods and different women experience different symptoms. aside from doing good deeds, make sure to also listen to your body and take care of your physical and mental health too. this can also help get your energy levels up to fast again after, Insha’Allah, and is also counted as a good deed as you will be taking care of yourself!

don't forget that good deeds are multiplied during ramadan, alhamdulillah, so don't fret when you get your period. Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ can and will still be pleased with you and your acts and answer your du'as.

[cardboardheartss]

Short PAC : What would BTS members think of you?

⚠️DISCLAIMER! TAROT CARDS ARE NOT 100% ACCURATE! TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! IF MY INTERPRETATIONS ARE INCORRECT FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME!⚠️

remember to take a deep breath, and think about which pile you feel most connected to before you pick a pile to read!

(Please don’t forget to like, reblog and follow! It will be much appreciated!📦)

Pile 1 : GMA Performance

Pile 2 : HHYLT Era

Pile 1 : GMA Performance

Overall energy : Strength, KnoP & The Fool

The BTS members think you’re really cool! They LOVE your vibes overall! In their eyes you seem like a very strong, patient and hardworking! They also think you have a pretty tough demeanor too! You may have a tough demeanor, but they also think you’re a bit naive and really carefree too! You give off “YOLO” vibes to them!

RM : 2oP

RM thinks you’re a very busy but skillful person. He thinks you manage wayy too many responsibilities and struggle to just and rest at times. If he could give you any advice, he’d want you to slow down for a little bit and just rest to avoid overworking yourself.

Jin : 10oS

Jin views you as a person who’s sad? He thinks you’re quite melodramatic. You may have had experienced some sort of loss and he can tell that it has affected you a lot. He would want to encourage you to keep going!

SUGA : QoP

SUGA sees you as a family oriented person. Thinks you’re also down to earth, smart, warm-hearted, and you’re also devoted to your loved ones and people around you in general! Overall… it’s really positive thoughts!!!

J-Hope : Wheel of Fortune

You give off, “go with the flow” vibes to jhope! He sees you as a lucky person, who’s is literally protected by the universe! He thinks you’re also really kind, you’re like his twin lol! Once again! Positive vibes!

Jimin : The Hermit

Jimin thinks you’re spiritual. He views you to also be an introvert too, who is also detail oriented. Jimin could also think you’re probably a teacher, given off by your calm demeanor with many wise words to say.

V : The Tower

I believe for V, he may meet 2 different types of pile 2! One of them being a person who he thinks has a strong aura and you literally pave the way, and go against society’s norms. The other type of pile 2 he’ll meet, is the one who he thinks loves to stir up drama for no reason and sees you as a person who thrives in unnecessary drama as well!

Jungkook : The Chariot

Jungkook sees you as a focused person, whom wants to achieve their dreams! He believes you are a hardworking person too. But he may see you as an intense person, who doesn’t want to be played with, so he will avoid getting into any trouble with you!

Pile 2 : HHYLT era

Overall energy : 5oS, 8oP & AoC

The members think you’re very competitive whom likes to stand out , and will not be bothered if you lose friends/family to want to achieve their goals! They think you’re also a perfectionist who’s also very emotional because you wear your heart on your sleeve lol!

RM : 8oS

He may think you’re very stubborn. He thinks you don’t know your way around this thing called life, and you often times victimize yourself.

Jin : The Chariot rx

He thinks you’re not a force to be reckoned with, he might even be too scared to tell a simple joke! You seem really aggressive in his eye!

J-Hope : 2oP

He will see you as a very busy person. He may think you have many jobs or sources of income. For you to rest because it will be too much work for your own mental and physical health.

SUGA : 2oS rx

He views indecisive. In his eyes. He sees as a type of person who would sit for an hour, deciding what to eat for dinner that same night. Apart from you being indecisive he does believe that you’re able to understand other peoples opinions and see both sides of the story.

Jimin : The Empress rx

Jimin thinks you lack creativity. he thinks you worry too much, mainly about work. He also thinks he have body image issues, and that you have a strong connection with Mother Nature, if he could give you any tip and advice he would want you to love yourself specifically your body, because of a very naturally beautiful body, no matter what shape or size .

V : AoP rx

V would think you’re over spender, and he thinks you cannot plan your future properly. You seem to go with the flow, but that doesn’t help you in anyway whatsoever. if we could give you any tip, he would want you to stop planning properly and to stop over spending your money because you’ll never know if your salary will increase or decrease.

Jungkook : 7oP

Jungkook sees you as very hard-working. He thinks you’re good at making a long term career path/investment! He appreciates all the hardwork and can see you doing excellent things in the present and future!

Thank you for reading!📦

(21/01/2024)

[inyourgravehcs]

♡ Listen to me ♡

❥ TAGS: hurt/comfort, descriptions of symptoms of mental illnesses (hallucinations, paranoia, painful psychosomatic sensations such as suffocation).

Where in this world can two broken souls find their place if not in each other's arms?

Broken heart and shattered mind. The bloody splinters of the fragments of the past are digging deeper into the wounded consciousness with each step, slowly and painfully bringing the already exhausted mind to it's limit. This is probably how others envisioned Blade; but what about you?

Not everyone is lucky enough to be blessed with a clear, sane mind. Mental torment is not exclusive, but it would be foolish to deny that some are less fortunate in that regard than others. Perhaps that's how you and Blade came together - it's not every day you meet someone who can understand and share that pain even the slightest bit. Your road to trust was thorny and difficult: what's it like, trying to connect when both parties are in constant survival mode and won't just open up to anyone? To meet Blade under the influence of mara was to be chased away and away for longer; to meet you while your mental health is acting up was to hear you mumble unintelligibly that he shouldn't see you in such a state.

But even from such a vicious circle, there's always a way out. In the most vulnerable moments, it becomes impossible to cling to pride: with each bandaged wound on the exhausted body, with each hour spent in shared silence, the relationship between you two became more and more trusting. Here it is - a small island of comfort just for the two of you, found in the most unexpected place. Or is it the most expected?

Slowly, by trial and error, an unusual relationship was formed. Without fancy confessions, without loud words - two soulless shells with empty hearts nestled into each other, sharing the last particles of warmth. You and Blade don't even have to reveal your relationship: to anyone who knows anything about you two, the inference will be obvious. It's hard to see Y/N in a sane state of mind, and it's hard to see Blade in a tolerant mood... But somehow it's this tandem that makes it possible and not such a rare occurrence.

However, peaceful days can't last forever.

No matter how hard you try, frustration won't stop accumulating, even if you apply balm to the inflamed soul. Just one drop - the very last one - and the mind slips into all-consuming despair. The heaviness narrows in a tight ring around your thin neck, digging it's barbed wires into the irritated flesh and denying any access to air. As the resinous, viscous panic drips down the parched walls of the throat, mingling with the salty taste of tears, images take over your sight and hearing. Ugly, garish, unrelated to reality - but no less frightening. Fear shackles every of your limb, and all that remains is to be sucked into the dark substance that overflows the skull to the brim. Through such strong pain and illusions, it would seem that nothing can break through until they collapse by themselves - but one voice, so familiar and close, still finds it's way through the dense veil of madness. That voice...

"Listen to me."

It was his voice. Blade was there; he was clutching your curled body in his arms, shielding you like a wall from all inclement weather. Paranoid fear made you want to break free, but knowing what a bone-crushing embrace this man had, you wouldn't have dared such a venture even in your most disturbed state of mind.

"Listen to me."

The soft strokes on your head sent shivers down the length of your spine. Blade wasn't the type to be verbally supportive - he was generally unaware of the impact his words could have. But what he was saying now... He had memorized Kafka's words that would normally free him from the shackles of insanity. He used this memorized words solely for your sake, unaware that they were more effective than any spirit whisper. You knew perfectly well that he was probably saying it more to reassure himself at that moment and not to seem weak in front of you, but the very fact of using them...

"Listen to me."

Your arms hug him back as your nose burrows into the curve between his neck and shoulder. Your eyes bleed tears, falling onto the dark fabric of Blade's coat and leaving wet stains behind, but neither you nor he cares.

"I'm here for you."

Because you have each other. And as long as it stays that way, machinations of two unhealthy minds aren't so terrible.

♡ ── ✦ ──『♡』── ✦ ── ♡

Please note that english isn't my native language and can be awkward at times.

Please don't translate or repost my works without asking for my permission first!

[babiebom]

would you maybe write something with some of the SDV bachelors + farmer/reader who has vaginismus? thanks!!

A/N: fun fact I had to Google what this was. It’s actually VERY interesting and kinda sad. Like I think if sex isn’t important to you it would be easier to live with this (idk if it can be….fixed or made better or not) but like if you’re a person that likes and wants sex I think this could be terrible. Obligatory I have no experience with this(I am a virgin) so take everything in the view of entertainment. Also this is written in headcanon format!!

Tw: nsfw content, cursing, female bodied reader,

Bc: I have no idea at least 5 to 10 for each

Stardew Valley Masterlist

Sebastian

I think that in the moment he finds out like the rest of the headcanons it would be in the heat of the moment while trying to have sex even if you’ve known of not doesn’t matter in this situation because I don’t think you’d engage if you didn’t want to

That he would just freeze and stare. I think his way of thinking is like he has to take a second to let everything sink in

But I also think this would give you immense anxiety

Like wow he’s literally just staring and not moving he must be upset

But right after he finishes processing he proceeds like nothing happened.

Like not going on with the sex, unless you want to and only doing sex that doesn’t require penetration

But right after he’s like do you wanna talk about this? Have you thought of treating it? Do you want me to help or do anything? Like a good loving boyfriend

Is worried but more for you and less about y’all’s sex life

Like there’s plenty of ways to have sex without him putting his penis into your vagina and so he doesn’t care

Just wants you to be happy

Probably doesn’t really understand until he looks it up

Hesitates on asking Harvey and would probably prefer to go outside to one of the bigger cities for an obgyn.

Sam

More mature about it than I think people realize he would be

I think he does enjoy sex so would ask if there’s anything you both could do about it after a couple of moments when everything has calmed down

Does probably panic and try to say that sex isn’t all that’s on his mind and that it’s not more important than you

But like wonders how everything will work with this happening

Like you get horny he gets horny what’s supposed to happen then?

Would probably look it up rather than going to Harvey because he doesn’t want you to be embarrassed or have anyone know that you don’t want to know.

Because of you haven’t talked about it with Harvey yet then that means you don’t want nor do you need him to know

But he also gets worried when it comes to your period because obviously it makes tampons hard to insert and if you don’t like pads and go through the pain of still trying to use tampons he doesn’t like that you’re in pain at all

Actively helps you but also willing to give you space to work on it yourself if you don’t want his help

Is actually very chill about it after you both get over the initial shock and embarrassment.

Shane

I think out of all the bachelors that Shane wouldn’t change anything about it unless you actively needed and wanted to

Like I don’t think sex is that far up his needs list

Especially since he needs to better his own mental health to be a good boyfriend

So unless you want him to help you he won’t complain or be upset at you about it

And is fine with just hand and mouth stuff

Does actively help though if you want him to

Like reminds you to do your exercises every day

Is there when you need a shoulder to cry on

Actually very comforting because he knows just how connected physical and mental health are from first hand experience

Won’t even make a big deal out of it either

Is just like oh okay, guess that won’t work right now oh well.

Elliott

I think he would’ve probably found out the first time you two are engaging in anything sexual.

Is super surprised and wants to help but I don’t think he would know how

Tries to make it seem as if he isn’t doing this for sexual gratification

Like he might be but it’s not his own gratification that he’s after.

If you don’t want to treat it for any reason he won’t make you, is fine with hand and mouth stuff

But he wants you to feel pleasure and not pain, that’s what’s most important to him

Is kinda dramatic about it ngl

Like actually takes you out of your head from how he acts and it somehow calms you down

Might talk to Harvey with your permission to see what the two of you can do.

Harvey

He’s a doctor so best believe he is the best equipped to handle this sort of thing

Is the most likely to push for helping you manage and treat it

Not because he’s that big on sex and that he wants to have penetrative sex with you that much

But because he knows that it’s painful and wants you to be able to live as pain free as possible

Like from what I’ve read about in in the 30 minutes I’ve spent looking it up, it can make things like putting a tampon in painful and difficult

And the pain can be worsened by uti’s, bladder infections, yeast infections, and more things so like it’s super shitty

And I think he would want to make it go away as much as he can and would help you try as many things as you want if you want to try.

Wouldn’t push too much though because of you don’t want it he won’t force you!!

But does look at it through a medical lens rather than a romantic relationship one.

Alex

Understands the least out of the bachelors but believe me dude is not dumb at all

Would probably panic at you being in pain especially if it’s the first time the two of you are going that far

Does not want to hurt you at all, so doing this is actually a nightmare for him

Would probably try the least to treat it, simply because I don’t think he thinks that you can

Would be extra gentle around you after that.

Like I think I’ve said previously guy is lowkey misogynistic but not in a negative way is just like women should be treated with care not roughness

So he would probably pamper you without thinking that he can treat it so you can have penetrative sex like oh jeez she’s in pain I have to take care of her

Would also ask Harvey or at least look it up if you say you want to find ways to treat it.

[theawakenedstate]

What is Divine Masculine Energy?

Curious about divine masculine energy? When it comes to understanding the divine masculine, this is a different playing field than the divine feminine. Let’s explore the Role that the divine masculine energy has in relationship to Spiritual Awakening so you can gain a deeper understanding of how to practically use divine Masculine energy in your own life.

Divine Masculine Energy is About Maturing the Ego

The Divine masculine is about Ego Awareness and Conscious Awareness. It’s the place where we mature our ego. Also, it’s connected to The solar plexus chakra because the solar plexus chakra is all about your divine will. Most importantly, the divine masculine teaches us about how we take action.

So when we are in a place of our divine masculine, it’s often about really being the conscious giver. The Conscious Giver of Energy back to the world. It’s basically like being a giver, but not over-giving to the point of Over-doing it(If you think about this with baking, you understand – don’t burn the cake!) The Divine Feminine is often about Receiving energy but the Divine Masculine is about giving that energy back to the world in the form of action, affirmations, making things happen, and support in relationships.

The Conscious Warrior

I always like to say when it comes to archetypes, this is all about being the warrior, the manifesting warrior, because the manifesting warrior knows to let go and let God fill in the gaps, but the warrior will not stay on the couch. He will get his ass up and go because in this energy of :

if I know I am led & guided, I will know the right actions to take. I will move forward anyway. Choosing to truly be in that energy of confidence, assertiveness and initiation, but I’m not going to get bogged down by my ego.I’m not going to be in the victim mindset about this. I’m not going to be in that energy and instead, I’m going to take the action I need to take.

That is the energy of divine masculine. I will not get bogged down by my ego. I will take the action anyway. That is what it means to step into the warrior consciousness because this energy is about owning your personal power.

It’s not about receptivity at all, waiting, or staying still. It is about having an awareness of owning your personal power by making conscious Movement forward. This energy is all about intuitive Confidence in who you are and that is what will drive you forward to take the actions you need to take.

Wounded Masculine Energy feels like burning out

Now, when it comes to being in a place of wounded masculine energy, it might be where you are burning out and becoming a workaholic without realizing it.

Have you ever felt on the verge of burnout before? it’s happened to me quite a few times over the years…one time resulting in a big emotional breakdown where things HAD to change. 

It can be a bad habit, a slippery slope, and often…it can happen unconsciously to our proper awareness. Sometimes it can sneak up on us before we realize it…

It also can have a crazy effect on our mental health and capacity to take action. This is one of the hugest reasons why we might have imbalanced or wounded Masculine Energy. 

We have reached the point of pushing too hard where we never stop, let go and detach.

Inevitably we end up – neglecting ourselves or losing ourselves. 

This isn’t a fun place to be, it can be sneaky too. 

If you’ve ever had thoughts of  “well, i’ll just do this for one more hour…” “I can handle it anyway”  “I feel exhausted but I’ll just workout anyway despite that”  ” let me just keep going” and things keep slipping through the cracks…

and so forth. 

Wounded Masculine Energy turns into symptoms and signs of: 

Not listening to your body

Not hearing your intuition

Neglecting your Emotional Needs despite that they are screaming at you 

Escapism in the form of drugs or alcohol 

Pushing beyond your limits in an unhealthy way…

Getting sick more often to your body’s physiological reaction to stress

and this wounded masculine energy, most importantly neglects our Divine Feminine energy so we’re cutting off listening to spirit…. So we burn out, get sick or mentally break down.  Deep breaths, I know – If this is happening to you or you’re feeling this way,  It’s awful and unfortunately way too common than it should be.

You may be feeling, How do we understand this part of ourselves? What does it even mean to have a wounded masculine energy vs a healthy divine masculine energy? 

And How does this Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine ultimately connect to Kundalini?  And what does THAT mean in relationship to ‘being Balanced?” 

That’s what we’re exploring this week on the podcast, 

Want to Know what the heck is Masculine Energy and how to start practically using it ? 

Catch the full Episode on the Youtube or Season 3 of the Podcast on sunday 

LISTEN ON YOUTUBE

LISTEN ON THE PODCAST

Do you struggle with burnout, pushing too hard or forgetting self-care? This might be coming from a Wounded Masculine energy. However we can learn how to properly heal this by balancing our masculine and feminine energy.

Share your experience in the comments so we can help support you or  share your story in our Awakened Network community Here (we’re building off of social media)

P.S.  Are you Ready for Divine Feminine Rising?

Balancing our Divine Masculine and Feminine Energy within is a practice and skill. 

However It’s important to learn so that you can have more balance and Spiritual alignment in your life – 

Where you learn how to get results easier through understanding your relationship with giving and Receiving. 

Join us on an Important timely conversation in the membership where we’re going to break down the How to Get Started with the Practical Tools & Action Steps to help you balance Your Feminine and Masculine Energy Are you curious on How the Membership works? 

By becoming an All Access member of The Soul-Aligned Life Academy,  you get a Monthly Mini Course Bundle  every month + VIP access to our whole shop library of Workshops and bundles (that’s over 60+ video Trainings + 23 Course bundles on all sorts of topics around spiritual awakening & alignment ) 

– Confused on where to get started? We have a Welcome Kit &  Quiz to help you decide which direction would be perfect for you! New Content is added roughly each week and You have Coaching Q&A access when you need it in the Community space.

Ready to Get Started? 

Be a New Member Today. https://www.theawakenedstate.net/the-soul-aligned-life-academy-membership/

Psst Like this Blog? Share it on the Socials or Pin it for A Spiritual Bestie to Find, Thanks!

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/what-is-divine-masculine-energy/

What is Divine Masculine Energy?

Curious about divine masculine energy? When it comes to understanding the divine masculine, this is a different playing field than the divine feminine. Let’s explore the Role that the divine masculine energy has in relationship to Spiritual Awakening so you can gain a deeper understanding of how to practically use divine Masculine energy in your […]

[gothic-grimoire]

Clear Seeing

I feel like I was really alive this year.

This summer specifically, I have had clear seeing. I use the word seeing very loosely to describe perception because it is an intuitive "seeing."

This notion of clear seeing is, in my opinion, partially connected to our intuitive senses or extrasensory-perception. Some folks call them the "clairs" because they are described by the "clair" prefix followed by the word for the specific clarified sense ability (like clairvoyance - clear seeing, clairaudience - clear hearing, and so on). 

We are meant to attribute these words to abilities beyond normal human senses, but the way I make sense of this phenomena is: when our intuition (which we are all equipped with) is ready (assisted by the surrounding environment), we can feel into an understanding greater than where we started.

These things that are clarified are larger than us alone, and we'd otherwise have no reliable insight into these things other than a safe guess. Intuition asks us to trust what we some how just know.

The other part of this is just having a growing brain and maturing sensibilities. I started my self reflection journey when I was around 16 and now I am 23. I have definitely picked some things up along the way and generally feel much more balanced in my approach albeit there are of course both good days and bad. But more often than not I am understanding things for what they are, and I find I am offering myself more of what I deserve. Then I feel this free space inside me to fill with awe and wonder and new things. 

Great Grimoire (and its sister blog where you are reading this: Gothic Grimoire) could have been a faceless thing, a nameless thing, a thing that never even happened…an echo in my mind. But because of the clear seeing, it isn’t.

Self compassion, tending to the trivial everyday things that hurt or challenge us, and creative expression are key attributes here. Great Grimoire/Gothic Grimoire is where I trace the shape of what I am feeling and learning all through time. 

You have to exist, and part of this deal means you decide how your creative extensions of you exist. In this digital grimoire I am sharing them openly. I’m not sure what I’ll reel back in but I know my intent of continued clear seeing is supporting me. 

There are years that feel lost to me, that I was underwater for, and only small pieces of me touched the surface. This short documentary I made in 2021 is one of those small pieces that I am proud of. It’s from a younger version of my self, a part that I can no longer recall so much what it’s like to experience, but in my own words from back then I describe the doc:

In this video I touch on the ups and downs of honouring your body & mental health via the receptacle of creative expression. That is there is wholeness already there, awaiting your attention and trust to take the step and create freely to heal. A home is a space to allow the most authentic of your nature to exist freely; wildly. What you create is desired and what you create/what is created through you desires you.

As a twenty year old I was learning this, and time has continued for me to attempt to put this into practice. 

Daniel Johnston is a bit of a creative emblem for me. I remember listening to his songs for years and they reached inside me somewhere other music paled if compared. I see it like this, our emblems are expressions of our love made manifest by way of our projections. As an artist, he makes me smile; he makes it so I am full of wonder. Where do those words come from? The notes on the piano that are their counterparts? I don't care about the details where his voice goes flat or his fingers miss a key. I do care about the freedom he feels while he is performing. I cherish what he has made as someone inexperienced but creatively inclined. His work is often described as unrefined and I get that, but what I understand more is just creating because you have something inside you that you love to feel—that you have to feel.

The fear of scrutiny lingers but the fact remains, the world you occupy is drenched with freedom. We can build a home inside that is free from the whirlwind of inner scrutiny. Where we have addressed the illusionary* depths that meet us when our walls around what we are willing or able to express expand.

It's not an easy task to overcome these voices but it’s doable. What gets out, and how you may be liberated by this, is well worth any discomfort faced while your inner walls are under demolition.

I generated the smaller images here with an AI art tool in Canva and arranged it myself as the cover art for a record I sang and composed based on my favourite Daniel Johnston songs. 

I called it Angels Sing For You Daniel Johnston. I can feel how he lives on in his music (he passed away a few years ago). When I sing it myself, I notice my imperfections (believe me), but I call it angels because it’s like a jumble of forces are coming together to honour a voice that sparks something in people scattered around the world. 

I feel that this ode to his work (and generally for my sung projects) is minimalistic and sleepy. Good for napping to and other kinds of relaxing. But I'm not here to make sure you engage with my work a certain way. You always may do what you wish. This is what I wish to do. Can't we just do something that we love? 

Forgive me for getting a bit out there but this is how I see things: it stings because your art feels personal, and it is, but ultimately you are not personal. You believe you are, you feel you are and that is real, but so is the field of energy we came from and the field of energy we will return to…in my opinion we are always that field of energy. This doesn’t mean you aren’t all those other things but it includes the definition of you as a one-thing, a no-thing. All of this that we feel, and believe, and cast into the world is our bread and butter for creating and tending to a well of compassion within ourselves. And the fact that we really aren’t limited to this person, in terms of what we are as a whole, is our reason to let it all flow through us.

*Note on the use of the word illusion:

Illusions are what the world is made of when we boil it down, but they feel purposeful don’t they? You may have different words to describe the tricks of the eye that make up our experience of reality, and I admit I use the word a bit poetically, but illusions make it so we perceive the things around us as distinct when they are just an arrangement of one continuous field of energy. Your illusions make such good teachers because we buy into them, and get invested, but at times we learn from remembering they are just that and nothing more.

[doumadono]

So this is sort of an emergency comfort request if I'm reading the thing right

So I'm a schizophrenic by diagnosis and recently and would like an emergency comfort for Hitoshi Shinsou comforting his agender partner ( please they them pronouns) after they have a bad dissociation fit + paranoia attack

So essentially what happed was I found out a friend was talking about me online. I had to go to them. A potential friendship was ruined with someone they were friends with. It set me into a fit of " who can I trust. Do I ha e real friends? Is everyone out to get me?? If they're talking about me I'm never going to get new friends. " and I just generally got very very uneasy and paranoid about how many people are currently talking about me. If I can trust people. Then I started to dissociate in my chair, couldn't get up to take my mental health meds nor could I even speak/sing ( a major coping skill for me ) for a solid hour.

So if you could write a drabble or a fic where Shinsou calms the reader down during an attack like mine I'd so kindly appreciate it. Bonus points if they've been together for a long time and he reassures them time and time again he won't live just because people and they themselves think they're a "monster".

A/N: hiya, my dear. I'm truly sorry to hear that you went through such a difficult and distressing experience. It's completely understandable to feel shaken and paranoid in the aftermath of discovering your friend's actions. Remember that you are not alone, and there are people who care about you, including me. Take your time to heal, and please don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to or just a listening ear. You are strong, and you will find your way through this challenging time, I'm sure about that ♥

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

Hitoshi Shinsou had known their struggles well. The two of them had been together for years, and while life had its ups and downs, their love had remained unwavering. He understood the intricacies of their condition, the unpredictable nature of dissociation and paranoia attacks. So, when the shadows of despair crept in, he was always there to shine a guiding light.

On a particularly tough evening, they found themselves lost in the labyrinth of their own mind, grappling with disorienting dissociation and suffocating paranoia. Shinsou was immediately at their side, his touch gentle as he guided them to the safety of their shared apartment.

Shinsou watched them with a mixture of concern and determination in his eyes. He knew that this was a battle they fought many times before, but each time was its own unique struggle. He saw the turmoil in their gaze, the desperation, and the desire to break free from the prison of their own mind.

The attack had begun like a quiet whisper, a subtle shift in their perception that grew louder and more chaotic with each passing moment. As they sat on the couch, the world around them seemed to blur and distort. The room that was once familiar now felt like a maze of shadows and uncertainties.

Dissociation was a cruel trickster. It stole away their connection to reality, leaving them adrift in a sea of disjointed thoughts and fragmented sensations. They felt detached from their own body, as though they were a mere observer in a world that was no longer theirs.

Paranoia crept in, like tendrils of darkness winding around their mind. Every sound, every shadow, and every thought seemed to conspire against them. Whispers of doubt became roaring cacophonies, and they couldn't escape the feeling that they were being watched, judged, and condemned.

Their heart raced, its beats like the drums of an impending storm. Their breath quickened, and the walls seemed to close in around them. It was as though the world had become a twisted funhouse, where mirrors distorted their reflection into monstrous shapes, and every corner concealed lurking threats. "I can't, I can't…" They were whispering, on and on.

They sat together with Shinsou on the couch, his partner's heart racing, and their thoughts spiraling. Shinsou, calm and unwavering, cupped their face in his hands, ensuring they made eye contact with him. "Hey, it's me," he said softly, his violet eyes locking onto theirs. "I'm right here with you, and I'm not going anywhere. You're not a monster, and you're not alone in this."

Their breaths trembled, but they held onto his presence like an anchor. "I just… I can't stop these thoughts. They're like a storm, tearing me apart." Their hands trembled, clutching onto the fabric of their clothes as if it were their only anchor to reality. "I'm nothing but a freaking monster. People see me as one, as well..."

Shinsou could see the silent plea in their eyes, a plea for help, for reassurance, for someone to guide them back to sanity. He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to their forehead. "I know, love. I know it feels overwhelming, but you're stronger than you think. You've fought through this before, and you'll do it again, and I'll be right here by your side every step of the way."

With a tenderness that only he possessed, Shinsou wrapped his arms around them, pulling them close. He felt the tension in their body slowly ease as he continued to speak soothingly, "You're not a monster, not to me, not to anyone who truly knows you. These moments don't define you, they're just a part of you, and I love all of you, every single part." With great care, he reached out, taking their hands in his, grounding them with his touch. "You're safe," he repeated, his voice unwavering.

His words were a lifeline, and you clung to them as if your life depended on it. Shinsou's voice was a melody of reassurance, drowning out the dissonance in your mind. "Remember, you have the power to break through this darkness. We'll do it together, just like we always have."

As minutes turned to hours, Shinsou remained by their side, patiently guiding them through the storm of their thoughts. He shared stories of the happier moments they'd experienced together, reminding them of the strength within them, and the love that surrounded them.

With time, the panic receded, and the dissociation loosened its grip. The sharp edges of paranoia softened, and the disorienting fog of dissociation started to lift. The attack raged on, but Shinsou remained steadfast, unwavering in his support. He whispered calming words and loving affirmations, reminding them that they were not alone, that they were not a monster, and that he loved them for everything they were.

Shinsou held them close, pressing another loving kiss to their forehead. "I'm proud of you, every single day," he whispered, as they lay in his comforting embrace. "You're never alone in this battle, and you'll always have me to hold you, even in your darkest moments."

In that moment, they knew that no matter how stormy the sea of their mind became, Shinsou would be their lighthouse, guiding them safely back to the shores of serenity and love.

[satureja13]

Beltane 2024 Prequel is -> here

Oh! They went to Otherworld's Tartosa to celebrate Beltane! It's almost a year since they spent their holidays here after Summer Solstice.

This was their first 'interotherworldly' travel and it took some time until Noxee arrived with the others. Greg, Vlad, Jeb and Kiyoshi had been so worried. But it's also awkward to meet again after all these weeks since Ostara. Sai was so out of his head to see Jeb again, he didn't even put on shoes... Poor Ji Ho doesn't take this way of travelling well. As soon as he stepped out of the TukTuk, Vlad was by his side and asked him if he was ok. Ji Ho felt still dizzy. But it's so good to be held by Vlad. With his conscious damped down, his body (and the Bond) took over and he tried to kiss Vlad, but Vlad turned away - again... Ji Ho whimpered from the loss.

They went to the beach and as soon as Ji Ho was in the water, he felt so much better.

Noxee and Greg took 'their kids' - Saiwa and Jack - with them. Ji Ho needs a some time to recover from the ride before he can cast his Siren's Song to take the discomfort from being together off of them. And Ji Ho, Vlad, Kiyoshi and Jeb went to swim in the ocean. Let's hope the therapy shows some effects soon. Look how sad they are.

Noxee forced Greg and Jack to have some 'father and son' time hahaha

And she distracted Saiwa from fretting over Jeb by chatting about fashion and how they'd dress up the Boys for this evening.

Later, Greg treated them for lunch. The way he looks at his Noxee :3

And since Greg is also involved in Jack's healing process, they told him that one of Jack's big rash spots vanished. Saiwa: "This is a good sign, right? He will get over Kiyoshi and won't die, right?" Noxee: "It is a good sign and I don't think he'll die from it, but..." Saiwa: "What? You told us the Alpha bond between them will be cut." Greg: "The alpha bond is cut. But he is still your fated mate, Jack. This can't be cut." Jack: "What? But this isn't real! Why didn't you tell me?"

Noxee: "Because you didn't tell us. Greg tried everything he could for you and it drained him to safe you from suffering even more and from dying. Youre acting like a child, Jack. He doesn't deserve your hate." Greg: "That's what I told you months before. Unlike you, I can sense your fated bond and I do understand why Kiyoshi wanted to keep it a secret to keep you and the others safe, so I said nothing. And that's why I told you to become stronger. No one can hurt you mentally if you don't allow it, Jack. And I told you that a relationship is hard work. You will always be connected to him. But you decide how it's going to be, too. Work hard on your mental health to step out of that victim role. You are the Super Soldier and you do have these abilities. Unlock them." (When you hear this, you'd like to punch Greg in the face, right? That was/is one of the hardest lessons in my life. And I got so, so angry when people told me this. And it was painful to learn that I had my doings in letting myself getting hurt. It still is (took me decades), but it's worth to learn how to avoid it - if you're ready for it. It's a treasure box you already carry with you and it contains the power to ask yourself: Do I want to allow this person to hurt me? Do I want to allow them power over my feelings?)

Noxee: "If you try to see things from a different angle, Kiyoshi isn't the bad boy you want him to be. He did everything he did out of love for Jack and all of you. Yes, he made mistakes, like all of us. And yes, he caused you pain. But he didn't mean it and he paid for it - and still does. This Therapy Game is a great chance for you to sort things out now safely and grow. Use it. You can't run away forever, Jack. You'll have to face your demon." Well, that's not what they wanted to hear... Seems Jack is stuck to Kiyoshi... (We already know that because adult Jack and Kiyoshi are still a couple.)

'Como si nuestro tiempo no hubiera pasado ya Dime, dónde estamos qué podrá pasar Corazones flechados, pero de cada cual Esa es la barrera que hay que derribar Estoy pensando en ti. Estoy pensando en mí'

'Like our time hasn't yet passed. Tell me, where are we? What could happen? Hearts bound by an arrow, but, To each other That's the barrier that must be demolished I am thinking of you. I am thinking of me.' (translated from italian to english/not by me ^^') Eros Ramazotti & Tina Turner - Cosas de la Vida

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest 🕹️ 'Therapy Game' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[mostremote]

Fic(?): Therapy Sessions 3

Part Three of the fic where "Snow makes Katniss marry him and they do couples therapy". Part One Part Two

President Snow and his unwilling wife Katniss attend couples therapy to improve their relationship and her disintegrating mental health. This story details their sessions.

18+: References to sexual violence

It’s going to be a bad session. It’s going to be a bad everything. You know from the way Katniss walks: not with her usual tense, wary, particular hunter’s care, but slowly, airily, as though she has lost some crucial substance that ought to weigh her down. She arrives weightless at the couch and there she sits, not tight and curled, but faint and limp, like a fallen leaf.

Snow sits at his usual place, folds his legs, and looks at Dr Astor with the expression of one anticipating a good meal.

After the shuffle of footsteps and rustling of fabric has left the air, Astor lets the silence refill the room for a moment before addressing them.

‘How are you this week, Coriolanus?’

‘I’m well. Very well.’ Snow looks to his wife, who doesn’t seem to be looking at anything. ‘We made a certain breakthrough this week. I think Katniss ought to tell you about it.’

Behind the flat sheen of his glasses, Astor considers Katniss with the concern of the lepidopterist. ‘Katniss? Is there anything you’d like to talk about?’

Katniss allows a big sigh to collapse from her body like a souffle. ‘He raped me again.’

Dr Astor does not seem surprised by this. Indeed, he absorbs the news like he’s made of thick, soft wool.

‘Coriolanus, is this true?’

Snow nods. There is irony in his smile. ‘Yes, I did.’

‘We discussed how negatively the rape affected your wife,’ says Astor, ‘and yet you chose to inflict that pain again. Can you tell me why?’

Snow is pleasant as a meadow. ‘Of course. We also discussed the importance of respecting Katniss’ feelings. And I want to do that. I understand how important that is.’ He pauses and a strange smile, almost sly, inflects his lips. ‘But that is difficult to accomplish if she is confused about her own feelings, or in denial about them. You will recall we also discussed Katniss’ unwillingness to acknowledge the first rape as emotionally gratifying for her, and the frustration this caused for me. I am always honest with Katniss, and this felt like dishonesty to me.’

‘And you believed that a second rape would force her to be honest?’

‘It did,’ says Snow plainly. ‘Not only was it very physically satisfying for her—’ He glances at his wife. ‘—you came twice, I believe— but she cannot deny that it was emotionally satisfying, too. I felt like we connected more during the sex than we ever have before.’

Astor turns to Katniss. She is watching the window, as she always does, and this time she is counting the trees she can see. Not a shadow of an expression passes her face.

‘Katniss, how do you feel about what happened?’

Slowly, with obvious difficulty, Katniss turns to look at Dr Astor. If there is any feeling in her face, it is exhausted irritation.

‘He’s right,’ she says, in a decaying voice. ‘Whatever. It was… emotionally gratifying.’

‘Would you say you enjoyed the experience?’ asks Astor.

Katniss’ eyes drift back to the window like a dead bird on the sea. ‘I never enjoy anything anymore.’

Snow laughs gently. ‘That isn’t true, my dear.’

‘Katniss might feel that it’s true,’ says Astor. ‘And that is a valid response for her to have.’

Sarcasm graces Snow’s features. ‘She enjoyed the sex. And if she can be honest about that, then I think we can move on.’

‘It’s important that we acknowledge Katniss’ opinions,’ says Astor. ‘Katniss, can you tell us how the experience made you feel?’

It takes her a while to speak. She has to stop counting the trees first, and then she has to drag her mind back to the incident, and then she has to think about how to translate it into words.

‘I’ve been very lonely,’ she says at last. ‘I only have Snow. I don’t get to see my friends, so—’

‘You can see your family,’ Snow interjects. ‘But you choose not to.’

She wets her dry lips. ‘I don’t want them to see me like this.’

‘Coriolanus,’ says Astor with gentle sternness, ‘let’s not interrupt Katniss. We must let her express herself.’

Snow bows his head in apology, and Katniss continues.

‘I’m lonely. And Snow is right in that we have a connection. I used to hate him so, so much. And now… It’s like my hate has been washed and wrung out to dry like a blanket, and now I have to go to sleep with it. And the sex… the rape…’ Her sigh is tremendous. ‘It does make me feel closer to him. And that does make me feel less lonely. But it makes me feel less… everything. I feel less.’

There is a long silence, and then Snow says: ‘You see? I was right. We do connect emotionally during sex. And now she has admitted that, I think it will be much easier for me to respect and acknowledge her feelings.’

Dr Astor doesn’t say anything for some time. Snow waits, only a little impatient, and Katniss doesn’t let herself feel anything.

‘Katniss,’ says Astor eventually, in his softest voice, ‘would you prefer it if your husband gave you some time to process your feelings about the rape before taking the sex any further?’

Katniss closes her eyes and nods.

‘Coriolanus? Would you be willing to give your wife some space as she accustoms to her feelings? It’s a lot for her to take in.’

Snow chews this over. ‘I will refrain from any sexual contact,’ he says. ‘I have made my point and I truly do not wish to inflict unnecessary pain onto her. But I do want us to continue spending time together. Talking, eating, sleeping.’

For the first time, Astor’s face betrays surprise. His eyebrows set his forehead in deep wrinkles. ‘You sleep together?’

‘Of course,’ says Snow, confused. ‘We are married. We share a bed.’

Astor takes a long, steadying breath at this. ‘Katniss, would you prefer to sleep alone?’

‘Yes,’ she says immediately, and Snow scoffs.

‘Oh come on. I am willing to indulge this process, and I recognize that we can both benefit from marital guidance. But not sleeping in a bed with my own wife?’ He is truly irritated. ‘I enjoy sleeping with her.’

‘Katniss, do you sleep well when sharing a bed with your husband?’

‘No.’ Again, her answer is immediate and glass-shard sharp.

Astor looks at Snow with something like amusement. ‘Coriolanus, if you won’t consider allowing your wife to sleep separately, perhaps you could sleep in a larger bed? Or allow her to build some kind of barrier between the two of you so she can feel more protected?’

‘I never touch her when she sleeps,’ says Snow, irritated again.

‘But you did rape me,’ says Katniss suddenly. ‘In our bed. That’s where you raped me.’ Her voice falls into a whispery abyss. ‘He likes it slow. He likes me to be unable to think about anything else.’

‘Yes, Katniss,’ Snow says, like this is obvious. ‘I wanted you to be able to fully experience the act. That’s how I ensure you enjoy it.’

Katniss looks at Astor, then. The shake of her head is tiny, pathetic, pleading.

‘Katniss,’ he says. ‘Do you agree with your husband that this second rape allowed you to better understand your feelings about him?’

Disgust, confusion, then blank acceptance go through her like projector slides. ‘Yeah. I understand some things better.’

‘But that doesn’t mean the rape was a good thing,’ says Astor firmly. ‘It was a very bad thing for him to rape you. It is important that you both understand that. Coriolanus, do you understand?’

Snow considers this like a predator with an animal he isn’t sure he wants to entirely digest. ‘I agree that the rape was extremely upsetting for her, and that it had many negative effects. I promise that I will not attempt to initiate any sexual contact with her any time soon.’ He pauses. He cannot help himself. ‘But it was, nonetheless, educational for the both of us.’

‘Having one’s hand cut off is educational,’ says Astor, with calm assertiveness. ‘One learns about agony and terror, and what it’s like to live without a hand.’

‘Unlike mutilation, Katniss remains physically intact,’ rebuts Snow. ‘Unless you want to quibble over the state of her hymen.’

‘I do not,’ says Astor, unabashed. ‘I think this is a good place to stop things this week. Coriolanus, I would like you to provide your wife with the means to create a physical barrier during sleep. And, perhaps, find alternative sleeping arrangements. If you won’t allow her a private room, then perhaps you could at least find somewhere to sleep that she doesn’t associate with sexual violence.’

‘Of course,’ says Snow, smiling mildly. ‘The mansion has scores of bedrooms.’

‘Great,’ says Astor, and his smile is picture perfect. ‘I think we’re making real progress.’

[nayatarot777]

what do you need to know about your life right now? 🧚🏾‍♀️💌 ~ pac

check out my YouTube channel if you’d like! 🤍

pile one ✨

someone did you so wrong. they thought that they got away with what they did but Saturn is on that ass and he’s coming for them heavy. I feel like this person was given multiple chances to treat you right and change their ways but they didn’t adjust their behaviour to meet you halfway as a unit.

this doesn’t have to pertain to a romantic partner but this is just someone who should’ve really been there for you. they could’ve tricked you in some way. they could’ve left you with the feeling of a heavy burden on your shoulders that you couldn’t shake. this isn’t something that can easily be forgotten.

don’t you worry, pile 1. karma is on this mf’s ass and they WILL get what’s coming to them. justice is definitely being served. if you hear about this person going through an extremely difficult and lonely phase of their life, then don’t be surprised. they better hope that they’re spared a shorter karmic sentence. i really don’t think that’ll happen though. they’re going to have to pay heavily for whatever they did.

pile two ✨

it’s time to structure your life. not in the typical way either (because I can tell that you have a different way of doing things - me too 🤙🏾) but in the way of making changes to yourself wherever you can. out with the old and in with the new. that 🍃? cut it back 👀

this is definitely the time for change and it feels like you’re waiting on something. some of you could have Lilith in Taurus/in the 2nd house - the energy of hoarding out of a fear based, subconscious belief. this could be figurative, indicating that you’re hoarding stress and tension in your body, anxiety, stifled emotions. crying will help you. I feel like you need a good cry. start shifting the energies within yourself first.

back to the hoarding message; you guys need to declutter yourself and your life. start physically with your possessions. your room. and clean up if you can. mental and physical health issues make everything 10x harder. but after you cry, write, or do whatever you need to make yourself feel emotionally lighter, I feel like you physically won’t feel so heavy. you might have more energy after this. make the most of it, making yourself happier and more comfortable in whatever way you can. and also please understand that changes will take time. go easy on yourself 🤍

pile three ✨

intuition. that’s the most important thing for you right now. you need to find a way to connect with yourself again. authentically. what brings you so much inspiration and joy and happiness?

you’re also receiving intuitive hits but you’re passing them off as coincidence or a way that you’re psyching yourself out. you’re not psyching yourself out. that’s your intuition speaking. messages straight from the divine. please start listening to it and you will see your life change.

you could also be a guiding light for someone in your life. or even multiple people. you’re helping them connect with themselves immensely. this is actually your divine work in this moment of your life, and you’re genuinely making change. possibly even worldwide. keep going and please remember who tf you are. you’re blessed, divinely guided, and highly protected by your spirit team. they’re proud 🤍