#these people are not guilty of anything so stop blaming Them and not the actual abusers ffs

[ssaalexblake]

I really wish people would bother to learn about different types of abuse bc I'm very sick of people somehow Never managing to blame the abuser and somehow managing to blame third parties who were there but not abused, like okay great you're not blaming the victim! How come you're still Not blaming the perpetrator????

[baptismbaby]

† GOD, FORGIVE ME PT. 2

mean!ellie x innocent!reader a/n: posted this to ao3: baptismsbaby warnings: toxic!ellie, corruption, virgin!reader, praise, degrading, gaslighter!ellie, belittling, strap on (r!receiving), not rlly angsty but sorta? creds to elliesgalaxy on pinterest for the pic of ellie wc: 4k<3 part one here

You kneeled by your Bible and candles praying for forgiveness for what happened the previous night. Although you enjoyed your time with Ellie, you felt guilty for going against your own morals. You didn’t judge your friends for having premarital sex and you didn’t think you’d go to Hell over it. If so, everyone would burn and not reach paradise. But you always told yourself that you’d wait until you were married before having sex. You blamed the alcohol and the weed but a part of you believed you would’ve done it sober.

You stood up with a sigh, knowing you had promised to meet Dina for lunch to talk about Ellie’s apology. You spent all night coming up with a lie, which you also felt horrible about. You grabbed your bag and headed out the door. You greeted everyone with a smile as you walked past them. You were thankful that no one knew you drank and smoked the night before.

You walked in and almost ran face first into Seth, who glared down at you. “Sorry!” you apologized, stepping past him and heading towards the table where Dina was sitting.

“Hey you,” she greeted with a smile. “How are you feeling today?”

You sat down and set your bag in the chair next to you. “I woke up with a slight headache this morning but it went away after an hour. So I guess not too bad,” you responded.

“You’re a champ. I feel much better but I woke up feeling like complete shit.”

“I guess I didn’t drink enough to get a proper hangover.”

“Which means you didn’t get drunk enough. Gotta try again!”

“Absolutely not!” you disagreed. “I don’t think I wanna drink again. It tasted horrible!”

“That’s why you get a chaser,” said Dina. “Anyways, let’s get to why we’re here.”

She grabbed your wrist and looked deep into your eyes with a smirk. “Please tell me what Ellie said! I’m so shocked she apologized. She never admits when she’s in the wrong.”

“Well, she came up there and basically told me that she felt bad for making me upset. Even though she’s always doing that,” you laughed. “But she said she realized it went too far and that really, I’m not that bad or something like that. She promised she wouldn’t make fun of me again but who knows.”

“So, are you two gonna be friends?” Dina asked.

You shrugged. “I don’t know… she actually invited me over to watch a movie tonight but I think I’m gonna pass.”

“I think you should go. Ellie never invites people to her place unless it’s for a party or she’s bringing a girl home to fuck. Damn, she really feels bad then,” said Dina.

You couldn’t help but smile. Even though she wanted you to come over to fuck you again, you liked the idea of Dina believing Ellie was going out of her way to prove how sorry she was to you. You originally were going to come over and tell her you weren’t sure if y’all should continue seeing each other but it wouldn’t hurt convincing her to watch a movie. 

“Maybe I will go,” you stated. “I wouldn’t want things going back to how they were before.”

Dina peeked behind you and smiled. “Speak of the devil,” she said. You glanced back to see Ellie walking in. Her hair was messy, the top half of it tied up. She wore her gray hoodie still and baggy jeans. She looked over and made eye contact with you. She fixed her gaze on Dina and made her way to the table.

“Sup, Dina,” she said.

“Hey Ellie.”

Ellie looked back at you and nodded. She walked away and sat with a dark haired woman across the room. She smirked at you before starting a conversation with the girl. You frowned, holding your head up with her hand.

“Well, she didn’t say anything to you but she acknowledged you,” Dina uttered.

You couldn’t stop staring at Ellie and the girl. “Who is she sitting with?” you interrogated.

“That’s Cat. You know Cat, she just cut her hair so she’s a bit unrecognizable now.”

You felt a pain shoot through your stomach in jealousy. “Oh, her ex?”

“Yeah. I think they’re talking again. After you left the party, she came by and they disappeared for a couple minutes.”

You felt sick. Ellie used you and knew how much it meant to you to have sex. You got up quickly, the chair scraping across the floor loudly. Ellie turned her head from across the room, staring at you in confusion.

“I-I forgot,” you said. “I forgot I was supposed to help Sadie with something for bible study.”

Dina cocked an eyebrow at you. “Sadie’s on patrol?”

You smacked your face with your hand. “Shoot, you’re right. That’s next Saturday. Nevermind. I do need to go, though. My head is beginning to hurt again. I think I need a nap. It’s starting to get busy and all the chatter is killing me.”

“You alright?” asked Dina with concern.

“I’ll be okay. I’ll take a nap and feel better.”

“Let me know if you need anything. Oh, and come by tomorrow around noon! I wanna know what you and Ellie are gonna talk about tonight.”

You said nothing to Dina, spinning around to leave. As you walked out, you could see through the window that Ellie was at Dina’s table, leaned over and talking to her. You turned away and sped up so you could get home quickly. 

-

You stood at the mirror on your door, looking up and down at your outfit. You wore your normal baggy clothes so Ellie wouldn’t get any ideas when you went over to talk to her. You grabbed your coat as you exited the door and headed down the steps. Ellie was just two blocks over but you knew you would be freezing to death before you got there. You shoved the jacket on and started walking down the road, your thoughts running rampant as you figured out what’d you say. You couldn’t stop thinking about the way Ellie looked at Cat as they spoke. The more you thought about it, the more you thought about the way Ellie looked in your eyes as she hovered over you. You got close to Ellie’s home and shook those thoughts away, mumbling a quick prayer to yourself so you would stay strong and stay on track.

You knocked on Ellie’s door and waited for her to open it. You heard shuffling inside and then the knob turned, revealing Ellie in a tank top and jeans. You looked down at her exposed tattoo then back up at her face. She wore a shit-eating grin as she stepped aside to let you in. You brushed past her, throwing yourself on her couch in irritation.

“What’s wrong?” asked Ellie, coming to sit next to you. “Mad that I didn’t say hi earlier? Is that it?”

You scooted away from her and refused to look at her. “No,” you muttered.

“Aw, talk to me, pretty girl.” 

She reached out to grab your thigh but you smacked her hand away. You stood up and towered over Ellie, glaring at her sweet face. “I-I came here originally to tell you that maybe we shouldn’t have sex again!” you declared. Ellie leaned back, an amused look on her face. “I told myself that I would wait for marriage. My virginity was important to me, Ellie.”

“So… you’re upset that you had sex before being married?” questioned Ellie, still looking entertained about what you were saying.

“I was at first! I prayed and cried, begging God to forgive me. Mostly prayed that He’d forgive me for blaspheming Him. But now I feel stupid for losing my virginity to you,” you explained bitterly.

Ellie frowned. “You didn’t enjoy last night?” she asked in a mocking tone.

“You don’t want me. You’re talking to Cat again! And I’m angry that I was a fool to think you really wanted me. You just wanted in my pants so that you could say you made the good Christian girl go back on her morals, made her give herself to you completely! Just another thing to brag to your friends about.”

Ellie broke out into laughter. “This is about me having lunch with Cat?” She almost couldn’t believe it. You were jealous and assuming something was going on between her and Cat all because you saw them two together.

“Well, you’re sleeping with her again aren’t you?”

“No,” Ellie scoffed. “Who put that idea in your head anyway? Dina?”

“When I left the party, what happened?”

Ellie felt like she was being tested. She hated feeling that way. She only fucked you once and you were already testing her as if you two were in a relationship.

“Cat came by and we talked,” Ellie replied honestly.

“Dina said y’all left the party for a couple minutes.”

“Exactly! I wouldn’t even say a couple minutes, it was probably less than a minute.”

“What did she want?”

“Really? Why does it matter?”

“I can’t sleep with you if you’re sleeping with her too,” you said.

“You’re gonna feel really stupid when I tell you why we met up today.”

You groaned, frustrated that Ellie was making you feel this way. You wished you ghosted her instead. If she wanted her ex, fine. But she was an idiot to think she could still fuck you on the side.

“She wanted advice on how to ask out the girl she’s been seeing.”

Ellie watched as your face turned red in embarrassment.

“You feel stupid, huh?” she teased, smirking at your mortified expression.

“Don’t,” you scolded. “Don’t even… don’t go back to that or I’ll leave.”

“I’m not being mean, baby. I’m stating a fact. C’mere… I know you’re sorry. I forgive you.”

You walked over to her, your knees almost touching hers as she sat up and brushed her fingers along your arms.

“I like that you were jealous. I like that you felt dumb for assuming shit. That’s all you are, my dumb puppy,” she spoke in a low raspy voice. She actually didn’t enjoy that you had gotten jealous. All you were to her was a fucktoy. Jealousy ruins her fun. Ellie decided to let it slide for the night, wanting nothing more than to fuck you until all you can say is a string of apologies for thinking bad of her.

You pulled your arms away, sighing at the loss of her touch but wanting to stand your ground.

“I am sorry, Ellie. But it doesn’t change the fact that we shouldn’t have sex anymore. I wanted to wait until marriage and I want to wait until marriage to have sex again. I messed up once and it’s okay but I cannot sin this way again.”

Ellie hummed, her finger lifting up your shirt slightly to stick it in the hem of your jeans. She slid it across your skin, looking up as your breathing got faster.

“But it felt so good to sin, didn’t it, baby?” she cooed.

“I refuse to confess that to you. God has already forgiven me. I mean it.”

“Then make me stop.”

Ellie started to unbutton your pants, sliding them down around your ankles. She chuckled at the sight of your soaked panties. “You want this as much as I do,” she taunted.

You watched as she pulled them back up. “But if you really don’t want to… well, I won’t make you. But it makes me sad. I had so much planned for tonight.”

You fought with yourself internally as a part of you was desperate for her to take them off again and touch you. You hadn’t moved an inch, not even to button your jeans up. They were falling down slowly, too slow for your liking.

You knew it was wrong but decided it would be okay. All of your friends do it and they’re good people. You truly believed that there was no way that they would go to hell for having sex. They were the best friends you ever had. You never judged them for it so why would they judge you?

You hesitated before you spoke up. “W-What did you have planned?”

Ellie smirked devilishly. She knew you’d give in if she made you feel bad about it. While she realized it was wrong, she didn’t care because things were going her way.

“Follow me,” she demanded. She stood up and you walked after her, feeling nervous but in a good way. Ellie stepped inside her room and you admired the walls. There were so many posters and trinkets scattered over her dressers. In one corner of the room, she had a desk with papers all over it and a guitar next to it. Ellie was digging through her closet as you inched closer to read the papers. Before you could pick one up, Ellie dropped something which startled you. You spun around to see her eyeing you closely. She had thrown something back in the closet on purpose to gain your attention. She shook her head no, her eyes squinted into a glare. You backed away from her desk, choosing to sit on the bed instead.

“Atta girl,” Ellie complimented. She made her way over to the bed with a box. She placed it in front of you on the floor and you peeked in, gasping. 

“You’re gonna use all of that on me?”

She chuckled. “No, I want you to pick.”

“To put inside me?”

“For me to wear so I can fuck you properly,” she explained, her voice soft and almost condescending. She knew you had no idea what she meant and how she was going to use it. “Do you see this? It’s a harness,” she continued, holding it up to show you. “I wear it over my boxers and I’ll have whichever one you pick attached to it.”

You looked back in the box and started going through it, picking up different ones and making a face before putting it back in. “These are too big, Ellie,” you admitted. “I think it’ll hurt too much.”

“It’s supposed to hurt the first time, honey. Do you want me to take out the smallest one I have?”

You nodded and slid the box over to her. She reached in and grabbed one, passing it over to you. “It’s five and a half inches long,” she said. “Pretty average. Thick enough but not too thick. Is this okay?”

“It’s okay. Please be gentle, though,” you begged.

“What, you really think I’d be rough on you? I’m not gonna do that until you’re used to it, dummy. I’ll be real slow and gentle until you say otherwise. Although, I’ll probably keep it slow. Not sure if you deserve to be fucked hard. You did come in here accusing me of bullshit earlier.”

You pouted at Ellie, feeling that it was unfair for her to bring it up. Your pout went away though as you watched her take her shirt off. Your eyes followed her hands as she slowly unbuckled her belt and pulled it out of the loops. She shoved her jeans off and stepped out of them. Ellie walked over to you, smirking as you stared at her in awe. “Give it,” she whispered. You handed her the dildo. “Take off your clothes, pup. You wanna be ready for me once this is put together, don’t you?”

You obliged, standing up to discard your clothes as fast as you could. Ellie laughed softly at your desperation. You were completely naked by the time the strap was ready. Ellie stepped closer to you as you pushed yourself further up on the bed. You laid back on the pillow, Ellie now hovering over you. “Such a needy girl,” she murmured. “You’re so desperate for my cock, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Ellie,” you breathed. She looked down at your pussy, gliding her fingers along your thighs.

“I could touch you,” she began. “But do you really deserve that?”

“Y-You bullied me for years, Els, do you deserve to fuck me?” you said slightly above a whisper. You realized what you had said as Ellie’s face twisted into an expression of annoyance. “I-I didn’t mean it-”

“You meant it,” she interrupted. “You want to be a brat now baby? Now you really have to prove how sorry you are.”

“I am sorry!” you whined. You reached up to touch her but she smacked your hand away.

“I’m pissed because I can’t fuck you how I want to. If you continue to act like a brat by the time you’re adjusted to my cock, I’ll fuck the attitude right out of you. I’ll make a mess of you. A braindead little bitch with an aching cunt, crying because I won’t let you cum no matter how much you beg. Got it?”

You nodded, her threats turning you on even more. You liked when she called you a good girl but you also enjoyed the side of her that was angry with you. You couldn’t wait until you got used to getting fucked with a strap so that she could do whatever she wanted with you.

“Use your words,” she demanded.

“I got it, Ellie.”

“Good girl. You want me to continue?”

“Yes please,” you answered.

“God, you’re so beautiful when you’re like this,” said Ellie, going back to being soft and sweet with you. She began to press the tip of her dick to your clit, a soft gasp escaping your lips. “Does that feel good, pup?”

“Mhm!” you moaned in agreement. “S’ good, Ellie!”

“Do you want more or do you want me to put it in?”

“In,” you responded eagerly. 

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“If you need me to stop or go slower or anything like that, tell me,” she said as she lined her cock up with your entrance. “Are you ready?”

You nodded. Ellie leaned closer so that her face was right in front of yours to watch your reaction. She slowly pushed into you, making you yelp in pain.

“Sh, just like that baby,” Ellie whispered in a raspy voice. “It’s okay. You can take it.”

Ellie kept it inside you for a few seconds so you could adjust to the feeling before she started to thrust into you gently. You whined in both pain and pleasure, loving the feeling of Ellie’s strap inside of you.

“Good girl, you’re taking it so well.”

Ellie kissed you softly as you wrapped your arms around her. Your nails dug into her back, scratching her with every thrust. Ellie rolled her hips at a steady pace, talking you through it until you reached down and tugged at her waist.

“You want more baby?”

“Please, go harder.”

Ellie went harder but still kept the slow pace, watching as your eyes squeezed shut from how good it felt. “Fuck,” Ellie moaned, the sound of your wet pussy making her throb. “You feel good, pup? Is your cunt adjusting well to my cock? Hm?”

“Yes,” you whimpered. “I-I want you to go-to go faster, Els. Please!”

Ellie grinned at your pleading and sped up, hitting all the right spots inside of you. You moaned louder, gripping Ellie’s shoulders and crying out her name.

“Yeah? You like that, honey? Tell me how good it feels,” said Ellie between grunts.

“Fuck it feels s-so good! I’m about to cum, please let me cum!” you begged.

“Such a good little slut, asking for permission. Cum for me like the good girl you are, my good girl,” Ellie growled.

She plunged deeper into you and faster, watching your face as you squealed and whined. Your orgasm took over your body, making you scream out Ellie’s name. Ellie slowed down as you trembled beneath her.

“Atta girl,” she praised. 

She pulled out of you and laid back on the bed beside you, turning on her side to watch you catch your breath.

“Was that okay? Did I hurt you?”

You looked over at her and shook your head. “It stung at first but I got used to it. It felt really good,” you uttered between breaths.

“Good, I got a bit too carried away at the end but you seemed to enjoy it.”

You giggled. “Yeah, I did like it when you were rougher.”

“Noted,” Ellie said as she reached over to her drawer, opening it and pulling out an already rolled blunt. She lit it up and offered it to you but you declined.

“I can barely think, Ellie.”

Ellie shrugged and puffed on it, blowing it out away from you. “Suit yourself, doll.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Ellie nodded. “I was wondering… if maybe you could teach me how to touch you?”

“No,” Ellie said almost too quickly. “I can get myself off when you leave. You can stay until I finish this.”

“Oh, I’m not staying the night?”

Ellie shook her head no. You sighed, realizing that you had to walk home with weak legs.

“Why won’t you teach me?” 

“Teach you what?”

“Um, teach me how to touch you? I don’t think it’s fair I cum and you don’t,” you stated.

“I don’t do that unless I’m in a relationship with that person.”

“Well, something will come out of this probably so you might as well show me now!” you said as you laughed. You saw the confused expression Ellie made, your smile faltering. “I mean, it is going to, isn’t it?”

“It’s going to what?”

You sighed in frustration, getting mad that Ellie was playing dumb. You knew her better than that. Ellie was a smart girl but would fight her way out of admitting something she didn’t want to. You raised up and grabbed your clothes, suddenly feeling embarrassed and nauseous. “I feel so stupid,” you whispered to yourself. “I should just go.”

“Hey, I want you to stay until I finish my joint so I can walk you out.”

“Such a gentleman, Ellie,” you spat back sarcastically.

“What was that? Did I not just let you cum on my cock after you insulted me earlier? I wasn’t going to let you but I did out of kindness. You should watch your tone with me, church girl, because I won’t be so nice next time.”

“You’re fucking me but don’t plan on having anything with me at some point?” you asked as you stood up. You tumbled a bit due to how shaky your legs were but you tried your best to not let it show. “You could’ve told me.”

Ellie scoffed. “I’m just havin’ fun. I didn’t realize you would want this to be a relationship.”

“I assumed you knew because of how I am. I’m a Christian who dates to marry,” you argued.

“Right, just like you assumed I was fucking Cat again all because you saw us sitting together. Relax, I don’t know where this will go. I like fucking you and I plan on fucking you as often as I can. Not if you’re gonna let your feelings get in the way, though.”

You rolled your eyes and started to get dressed. Ellie continued to smoke her joint while she observed you. “I already know you’re gonna say this is the last time,” Ellie continued. “But you’ll come back. I know you will. I think you need me.”

“What I need is to go home and sleep. I also need you to leave me alone,” you mumbled.

“When I show up to your door tomorrow night, are you really gonna turn me away?”

“Bye, Ellie,” you said as you started to walk away.

“Wait,” Ellie stood up and put her joint out. She slid out of the harness and threw it on the bed, grabbing her tank top and shoving it on as she chased after you. You were almost at the door when she jogged in front of you, opening it for you. “I’ll see you tomorrow, pup,” she said in a teasing tone.

“Fuck you.”

You walked out, Ellie still at the door to watch you go. “You’re gonna regret that tomorrow!”

[halemerry]

So there’s understandably a lot out there examining the painful/emotional parts of this season, but I just wanted to take a second to acknowledge something really important that is a bit... maybe not lighter in tone but something worth celebrating.

Because like, even if he seems a bit directionless and frustrated, Crowley actually is pretty happy this season?

He’s making progress. He’s letting himself have things he wouldn’t have ever before - even if it's not exactly the thing he wants the most. He's letting himself be himself. He's not censoring instincts and impulses to nearly the same degree and it's actually pretty remarkable.

Like, okay, yes, Crowley is pretty lost now that he exists outside the toxic structure he has been operating under for millenia. And, yes his safety net with Aziraphale and the structure they operate in has also crumbled a bit because so much of that structure was built around what they were and weren’t allowed to safely do within the toxic structure. But, I actually do think this season does a lot to show that even if this struggle is very real and has consequences that aren’t all objectively good, freeing himself from that structure is a net good.

He smiles more. He laughs more. He sprawls more. He seems generally more physically relaxed and comfortable trusting his instincts without having to check everything he’s doing or saying against Hell. And this state of existence isn’t dependent on Aziraphale being present either. It’s just him being him and becoming comfortable with what that means.

And it wasn't a snap your fingers bam you're better situation either. It takes work and time to break old instincts. I mean, years have passed and we’re still struggling to let anyone say that we are nice. But significantly his instinct isn’t to snarl or physically lash out. It’s to roll his eyes or half heartedly object or maybe throw in a light growl for old times sake. And, sometimes, the instinct is to grin like a self satisfied loon as you contradict the nice human who implied you were nice.

Crowley is now in a place where his impulses to be kind are things he’s allowed to give into now and, even if he’s doing so under a veneer of snark and sneer, he is letting himself do that. He’s making sure the people around him are caring for ducks properly. He’s admitting he was worried about Aziraphale and cooing at his own car. He’s apologizing for accidentally locking people into coffee shops and openly helping them get out without even stopping to think about how maybe doing so might clue them in that he’s not quite what he seems. He's helping Shax learn her way around earth, even when she’s actively working against him and Aziraphale.

Even when interacting with Jim, who brings out the most of Crowley’s negative reactions and masks, his instincts are just as often to be gentle as they are to be angry. So long as Jim isn’t actively setting off alarm bells in Crowley’s head Crowley is so patient with him. He explains gravity unprompted and proceeds to include Jim in on his planning to get Nina and Maggie together. After his initial explosion at Jim’s presence the next two are immediately followed up by him getting upset and then backing off of Jim. He starts to threaten Jim when he’s reminded Aziraphale is in danger and then nearly immediately backs off of that, acknowledging there’s no point in it. And then, of course, after he nearly talks Jim into jumping out a window and pressures him into extracting more information from his brain he feels guilty enough to then offer Jim an act of care and service. It's such a stark difference from the guy we see even this season needing to put a layer between himself and anything good he does by either denying thanks outright or putting the blame on being under some influence.

And it’s startling how much we see him smile this season and how many different versions of that we get. From the genuine delight on his face when he thinks Operation Lovebird is working to the pleased little smirk he gives Aziraphale through the window when he watches him bring order to the arguing angels and demons in his shop, to the little smile of familiarity when he wonders what happened to Mr Dalrymple - Crowley smiles a lot compared to the first season. And it doesn't matter where he is either. He has a delightful time in Heaven, snickering and grinning to himself nearly the entire time he's prancing around there. And that’s not even getting into his dorky little snort laugh that pops up a few times throughout the season.

And I just. It’s so nice that this show doesn’t want to deny that what Aziraphale and Crowley are doing is hard but also that it doesn’t want to wallow in that struggle either. It never wants to frame that what they earned at the end of season 1 has doomed them but it isn't afraid to show the speed bumps that the system they were in is causing them on their way to happily ever after. They’re allowed to be happy. They're allowed to struggle with getting there. This is allowed to be a good thing for them, even if it sometimes takes work.

[mitsvriii]

"Nothing's New"

In which your partner is never going to pay attention to you, because they’re too focused on their dead lover

Bell’s notes: “writer bell goes too far with this fic-” im /j no ones gonna say that, angst powers pls work tho, like im asdlkfjawel;fjsd;jf;lska, i cant write dude, let me like, plan this out in my head before writing nonsense, LIKE BRO, feral over angst LORD, 100k likes and you get part 2 /jjjj, growling i love angst, MWHAHAHA, sorry ely, yuka, mhie, snob, and zee if you read this 😔😔😔, i listened to “IT Girl” while writing this 😋, got carried away with Ayato’s part oopsies, i believe Guizhong for the ladies but whatever 😔😔😔, cut out Wanderer & Childe in the end because i’m TIRED, not proofread

Story details: Ayato lowkey a bitch, scratch that highkey, reader has self-doubt, Neuvilette doesn’t mean to be mean he just ISSS, GUIZHONG DID NOTHING STOP MAKING HER THE ONE IN BLAME IN THESE ZHONGLI SCENARIOS, oh and I couldn’t be bothered with Xiao’s part like a quarter through he’s such a flexible yet straight character, it’s the way you can tell when I got lazy with each part, chance Xiao & Zhongli are gonna be ooc as i’ve never written anything but short headcanons for them before

Characters & Triggers: Ayato, Neuvilette, Xiao, & Zhongli;  reader has self-doubt, mention of death, mention of martial neglect

Reader details: female reader in Ayato’s part is explicit. female reader in Neuvilette’s part can be interpreted with the way you read it. the other parts, however, shouldn’t have a specified reader type. reader’s personality, race/ethnicity, height, physical descriptions, or anything of the sort is not mentioned. if anything is let me know and i’ll edit it. 

Ayato: No surprise the Yashiro Commissioner doesn’t pay attention to his new wife, the one that he didn’t marry first. You knew that he didn’t love you, and most likely never would because you were, in fact, the second pick. Actually, it was probably in the hundreds based on the amount of marriage arrangement offers Ayato had gotten considering he was one of the biggest figures in Inazuma. It didn’t matter, but he most likely picked you because your clan was a small one to put it lightly, so he most likely chose it, and you, because it wouldn’t be a hassle with the press. But of course, he would choose the person and clan that seemed, “easy”. It hurt seeing some of the people’s sympathetic stares, such as Ayaka’s, Thoma’s, and a few of the older women working in the estate. You got used to the lack of greeting from Ayato when he got off work, the lack of warmth beside you at night. You found it hilarious, although you were hysteric at the time as you had just found out that Ayato was off that day and neglected to see you, that he never, ever laid down in the same bed as you. It doesn’t matter no matter how hard you work around the estate, how long you sit up doing his work, which you soon quit once he yelled at you like a homeless dog, or even the distinct flower you made out of one of Ayato’s favorite sweets that he ignored. Not even a glance at your general direction, either. After a while, you decided to do some digging on his past wife, only to find out that she was in fact near perfect. Perfect reputation, perfect everything, to put it shortly. Shortly after asking Ayaka what happened to her, by pulling the sad, guilty wife card, you found out she was a victim of an assassination attempt that turned into a success. Of course, Ayato and his perfect wife would only be torn apart by death. It was poetic, and it made you sick. So what were you to do but endure the slow torture that you and Ayato’s marriage was? After all, nothing you could do could change how he felt about you. 

Neuvillette: The famous hydro dragon, at least to those who knew his ‘secret’. His past lover, unfortunately, died before him, no doubt to his immortality. Of course, you would soon die, maybe in a few decades but, hey, it wasn’t like he would miss you. You could only wait awake at night as Neuvillette went to fix himself his own meal, despite you staying up to cook him one and await for his return from work. It’s not that was the only time he never paid attention to you, after all the man had most likely been grieving his wife for centuries at this point in time. So what were you to do besides stay and watch this man be emotionally constipated around you? Why did he even marry you in the first place, then? It couldn’t be because his past wife resembled you, and it certainly wasn’t because you both acted the same. Was it because he needed someone to cling to? I mean, you weren’t exactly someone who seemed to not fit the criteria of a compassionate co-worker who would comfort Neuvillette in his times of distress. Did Neuvilette only come to you because you were his way of grieving? It would make partial sense, to cling to the nearest piece of comfort to help with the pain of loss. It made you feel like nothing but an object meant for his emotional wants, but in reality, that’s all you ever are and will ever be to him. 

Xiao: The famous adeptus long ago, had someone close to him. Shame they fell to waste during the archon wars, along with the other adepti. It was no surprise that everyone familiar with Liyue stories knew about the two of them together, which unfortunately included you. It didn’t pain you that much until your oh-so-loveable boyfriend got distracted by two kids playing with a Xiao lantern and one of her. After that, it only devolved into more. The lack of visits to your room in the inn, the lack of responses whenever you left your little notes for him near your meet-up place, and the extreme lack of thank-you-notes whenever you left Xiao almond tofu. It didn’t matter that you started to skip and completely ignore doing all of these things just to see if he would notice because the adeptus failed to appear in your room just to check in to see if you were okay. This behavior was unlike him, at least in the sense of him completely ignoring you. The only answer you could think of, that logically made sense, of course, was that he was reminded of his past loved one because of the run-in with the lanterns you two had while out in Liyue. So in terms, he seemed to disconnect with you because of the memories of his past significant other? You knew the adepti didn’t die peacefully, you could tell that much from the stories, so it wouldn’t be surprising if that also applied to Xiao’s past lover. There was nothing you could do about it though, because if you knew Xiao, he wouldn’t talk about her to you nor push her aside for you.

Zhongli: Guizhong. Of course, you were familiar with the name, everyone in Liyue was. Everyone might be a stretch considering the visitors and children, but the point’s been made. Morax and Guizhong were close. Close in a sense of possibly having relationship affairs but that was only explicit to you because of the way your lover would glace at glaze lilies. You couldn’t call him your lover, could you? Not with the way he would hum to the glaze lilies, the way his eyes would also drift away from you whenever you talked as you took strolls through Guilu Plains, and the way he would opt to tell stories of specific tales of his time as Morax, ones that included Guizhong in some way. It got to the point where you had to make up tasks that you had to do daily just to get away from the walks you two took, not to hear the different-yet-similar stories of Morax and totally not Guizhong. It was childish of you to be doing so, you had yourself convinced, as you couldn’t blame Guizhong for any of it. She had no part of this besides well, besides being your number one stressor for the past few weeks. It was tiring yet somehow for the sake of not wanting a glare or side-eye from Zhongli about his stories, which you never thought you’d get that tired of hearing, you kept your mouth shut, despite how hard it was. You knew it would only take so much more, though, before you said something about it. 

[theminecraftbee]

Gem lies back, between Scott and Impulse. Their blood still tastes sharp and iron at the back of her throat, which is a little silly, given that it's not like she licked them or something. There's no reason she should taste anything. She just... stabbed them, when they asked her to.

Stabbed them, because they knew they had to go red eventually, and for the sake of the team they wanted her to win.

Stabbed. Scott and Impulse.

Here's the thing: she'd told herself she wouldn't feel guilty, and she'd told herself this ages ago, when she started leading people to the End to see if the dragon would kill them. She told herself she wouldn't feel guilty, because clearly, she wouldn't let these games wear her down the way they do some people. She told herself she wouldn't feel guilty because people like to mistake her for a prey animal when she's a predator, and guilt would give the game away. She told herself she wouldn't feel guilty, because why feel guilty over having fun? It's just a game. A bloody, bloody game. She told herself she wouldn't feel guilty.

She told herself. She told herself.

There's no reason to feel guilty. She enjoyed herself, the rush of blood when running with Pearl, and then the heady feeling of having life, life, life running through her. She's pretty sure, despite being a red name, she has the most life anyone ever has in these games. It makes sense! Life and death are all wrapped up together, and Scott had choked on his own blood before he went down, even though she'd tried to make it quick, and as he gurgled over the injury she'd inflicted she'd felt life running in her and her heart pounding and everything getting dizzy and--

It doesn't matter. They told her to do it. She shouldn't feel guilty. Impulse had smiled at her. It had been a lovely smile. She hadn't known what to make of it.

And she closes her eyes and sees the life leave his.

But she shouldn't feel guilty. She tried to make it quick. Impulse had turned around, told her to do it like killing a chicken, destroying the brain stem so that he doesn't have to feel it, those last few minutes. It's fast. Humane. Like killing a chicken. Almost impersonal, except that he'd been so gentle, and they both had Scott's blood on them, and there was so much blood, and she likes blood. This whole game, that's been the point. She likes blood.

Impulse had died surprisingly bloodless but he'd screamed, for just a moment, because she doesn't actually know how to make it fast and humane, even if it's supposed to be like killing a chicken, and she'd felt--

Felt--

She'd felt good, is the thing. It had felt good, even though he'd taken several blows to bring down, in the end. Even though she hadn't managed to make it quick. Even though, for a moment, he'd been terrified, and then after that, he'd convulsed, twitching on the ground, and she hadn't known if he was able to feel that at all. These are games. They're supposed to be fun. She won't feel guilty, she tells herself. There's no reason to feel guilty.

They told her they loved her, afterwards. Quietly, through actions and words. They told her not to feel guilty. It's in her nature.

One does not blame a lion for biting when it's given meat. It's in their nature.

This is her nature. This is what she is. She knows that now. That's what this has all taught her, this game she's playing. She knows well what she is; everyone will know well what she is, when next they take her in.

And maybe that's why, as she starts laughing, she can't stop from feeling guilty for what will happen next.

[linawritestwst]

Hi! Can I request headcanons for Rollo, Malleus, Jamil, and Azul being jealous on how the Perfect dotes on the first years and Grim? Thank you!

rollo, malleus, jamil and azul being jealous because of you doting on the first years and grim (gn!reader)

this is such a cute request, thank you so much for sending it!

and WOW THESE ARE JEALOUSY HCS AND I DIDN'T MAKE THEM TOO SAD OR SCARY?? LET'S GO THESE CHARACTERS ARE NOT SUFFERING TONIGHT

rollo flamme.

♡ personally, i don't think rollo is the type to get jealous easily. he certainly does get jealous, but it's not like he sees you having fun with someone and immediately goes "that's it, they don't actually like me". in fact, he actually trusts you enough to believe that you would never betray him like this and he prefers to put the blame on people who you hang out with. this is their fault, not yours. so when he first notices how close you are with the first years and grim, he doesn't think much of it, they're just your friends, of course, you're allowed to talk to them and hang out with them. and he hates to say it, but.. eventually he does get a bit anxious when he starts feeling like he doesn't get enough attention from you.

♡ rollo tries to stay calm and think logically, he knows that you love him and he loves you, so he tries really hard to ignore his feelings of loneliness and assures himself that he's not being "left out". of course, you'd be closer with nrc students, that's the school you go to, after all. but no matter how hard he tries to respect and accept that, he still can't help but feel like.. he's not that important to you, maybe? again, he knows that you love him, but he really wishes you would pay more attention to him. it's selfish of him, he knows, but maybe he can be a little selfish just this one time?

♡ he would avoid mentioning this topic for some time, but in the end he does talk to you about it, even though he really doesn't want to and he hopes you forgive him for being so rude and insensitive. you can actually see him blush a little bit when he confesses that he's been feeling kinda lonely without you around. you even get distracted for a second because of how cute that face expression is. but of course, you take this seriously and you thank rollo for being honest and having the courage to open up to you. hehe, he's already making progress, he would never admit something like this when you just started dating.

♡ you promise that you'll spend a lot more time with him from now on and you say you're sorry for not noticing how rollo's been feeling, you really thought that he won't think much of you hanging out with grim and the first years so often.. man, you feel guilty now, even though you go to different schools, you should show your boyfriend that you love him more often. oh, you've got an idea! what about spending the entire weekend with him? if anything happens while you're gone, nrc students can solve that problem without your help, you deserve a break. you just hope no one is gonna overblot while you're here.. if it does happen, you will just stop trying to convince rollo that magic is not that dangerous, haha.

malleus draconia.

♡ on the other hand, it doesn't take much time for malleus to get jealous. it's not like he's possessive or anything, it's just.. you know, the thought of someone who's so precious to him leaving him terrifies malleus and he starts panicking the moment he sees that image in his mind. he also tries to calm himself down and he acts like everything is perfectly fine when you ask him about it, but don't be surprised if the weather suddenly becomes much worse when he's feeling like this. he's actually not that good at controlling his emotions.

♡ to say that the first years are scared of how malleus looks at them would be an understatement. they actually think this guy is going to kill them if they even simply say hi to you. it's even kinda funny because of malleus glaring at them when they're talking to you and then starting to act like this pouty child when you notice him and try to ask what happened. no, malleus, something is obviously wrong, don't try to evade the question. other diasomnia students start to get worried about him too, especially those who are closest to him like lilia, silver and sebek. sebek is so ready to find those who made his master sad and he has no idea that he's one of the culprits.

♡ silver wants to know the truth as well, but he respects malleus's feelings and lilia would prefer malleus to do everything without his help, he's not a kid anymore after all at least that's what malleus says.. but it looks like malleus could definitely use his advice, so yeah, this guy is here to try and save your relationship. he eventually does convince malleus to tell you how he's been feeling lately and he also asks malleus to stay calm during the entire process. no temper tantrums this time. you are his s/o, he has to be honest with you, but he also has to be mature about it. and yes, malleus has to have that conversation with you, you're a smart person, but it doesn't mean that you have to try and figure out what's been going on with malleus by yourself when he can just tell you everything.

♡ and malleus does tell you the truth, but in the end he actually does cry a little. and yes, it ends up raining, but you're used to this kind of stuff, so you just pull out your umbrella and ask him to continue. it must be something important if he's feeling so sad. when it's over, you apologize to malleus for making him feel like this and you swear that you love him with all your heart and you would never want him to feel this lonely. you do think that it's cute of him to get jealous like this though.. oh no, did you just say that out loud? oh well, expect your boyfriend to act more overprotective on purpose now. come on, didn't you just say that this kind of behavior is cute? if you like it this much, he will never let you go <3

jamil viper.

♡ jamil usually doesn't take something like this seriously. that's just you talking to your familiar and first year students, what's so bad about that? it's good that you have so many friends, jamil is not surprised that a person like you is so popular. he's even proud of you, really.. and this is why he feels even worse for wanting you to spend less time with those people (and the cat) and more time with him. why would he wish for something like that? that sounds so childish, it's not like jamil at all.. and then one day kalim notices how jamil looks at you laughing at some freshmen's jokes and goes "what, are you jealous or something? :D" jamil hates to admit that kalim is right.

♡ he tries to ignore those feelings and he hopes that he will just stop caring about all of it one day. it's gonna be fine, it's actually not that serious, you're just helping these freshmen to get used to this new school, you're just trying to stop grim from getting in trouble, jamil should stop worrying about it. he's still your boyfriend, he's still important to you, you're obviously not gonna forget about him.. then why does he still feel like you're gonna leave him one day? it's actually a different kind of jealousy, not the "they love that person more than me" kind, but rather something like.. jamil wants you to see how great he truly is. he doesn't mind you doting on those people (and again, the cat), but sometimes it feels like you actually think jamil is not worth spending time with. at least that's how he feels.

♡ he does need some time before he can talk to you about this, but he does mention feeling a bit weird when he sees you with grim and those first years. no, no, that's not the right word, he doesn't just feel weird, he's jealous. that's right, he said it. he's not happy about it either, but he felt like you have to know the truth. if you want a loving and healthy relationship, you should be honest with each other, right? so.. yeah, he's jealous because sometimes he feels like he's inferior to those freshmen and that's not true at all, he knows that he's good at many things! he just.. doesn't know if you know that. so maybe, um, you could pay more attention to him? you probably haven't noticed it, but he's always trying hard to impress you.

♡ you listen to him and you're glad jamil talked to you about this, it certainly helped you understand him better. however, you can't help but jokingly ask if he has also felt inferior to grim at some point. this helps break the awkward silence and jamil even laughs a little because of how sudden and ridiculous your question is. like, how did you even get that idea? thankfully, jamil is not THAT insecure. you laugh and promise that you're gonna be free tomorrow and you will be able to spend the whole day with him. he's very excited, but he still says that just one day won't be enough. he missed you so much, you know~

azul ashengrotto.

♡ someone like azul getting jealous over you giving a bit too much attention to grim and the first year students? haha, that's impossible! don't you know how cool and collected he is, he would never let his feelings- yes. yes, he is jealous. he knows how pathetic that sounds, you don't have to tell him. the leech twins have already made fun of him because of that. listen, he's just.. he just misses you and he wishes you could spend more time with him!! yes, he's often too busy to talk to you, but, um, you just visiting him and saying hi would be enough to make his day better!

♡ he can't believe that he feels jealous because of you doting so much on your cat. how did he manage to fall so low? and the thing is that azul is actually not so surprised when he thinks about it, his self-esteem is literally non-existent, of course he would end up crying because of something like this. it's not his fault, okay? and no, he won't tell you anything! you will never figure out what he's thinking about- what do you mean, you think he's jealous. how. y/n, are you sure you don't have any magic abilities, because that intuition is.. something no he's just not good at hiding his jealousy

♡ it's hard to make azul tell you what he's been thinking about lately and when you do, he gets very nervous and avoids looking you in the eyes because of how much he doesn't want to admit that he's been feeling jealous. he knows that it's a natural feeling, especially if you think that your partner doesn't spend that much time with you, but.. he just really doesn't want you to see his weak side, even though you're one of the few people who he feels comfortable enough with. it's not like he doesn't trust you, he trusts you a lot, he just wants you to believe that he's better than he actually is. but if you feel like those freshmen are more interesting than him-

♡ you assure azul that even though you're friends with most first years and you're close with grim, the reason why you don't always have the time to check on azul is not because they are better than him.. it's the exact opposite, actually. let's face it, most nrc freshmen are not that bright. they often have to deal with quite a lot of problems and you're the first person who they usually ask for help. and you, being a kind person that you are, can't just say no to them and you agree to help them. and grim is.. well, grim. of course, you have no choice but to watch over him. and you don't worry too much about azul because you know how smart and talented your boyfriend is, so that's why those first years end up getting so much attention from you. azul is speechless once he hears those words and he is even more shocked when you kiss him on the cheek and promise that you'll try to spend more time with him even though your boyfriend is such a genius that he probably won't need your help.

[skzpvol]

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ THE BRIGHTEST STAR - bang chan ࿐ྂ

pairing: nonidol!bang chan x gn!reader

genre: angst, no comfort (i warned you)

warning: mentions of suicide, cursing, the entire drabble is full of hurt

words: 0.8k

synopsis: Chan visits you again. What will you say to you this time?

a/n (1): this drabble is triggering, so please if you are sensitive to the warnings DO NOT read. Your health is my priority and remember that you are not alone, you will never be. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. English is not my first language, so tell me if I made some mistakes.

«hi my love, i’ve missed you. Do you remember what day is it? It’s our anniversary and I really can’t believe that we’ve come this far. The younger me would be so proud to hear I’ve been with the love of my life for six years now. And I would do anything to spend this special day with you. Actually I don’t really want to celebrate. It would be useless if I’m alone. 

«I bought your favorite flowers today. Hope you will appreciate them. Do you remember the first time I bought you flowers? They were roses and you were so scared to tell me you were allergic. I felt guilty but when I saw you laughing I thought it was all worthy. Even tho I tried to kill you, hearing and seeing your laugh for the first time was like being transported to heaven. I immediately felt lighter and happier. You’ve always made me the happiest. It’s a shame that happiness is gone now. But it’s not your fault, if anything it’s mine. 

«the boys miss you too. You know, one week ago we met all together for the first time after the accident and I tried, I tried so hard to distract myself. I did everything I could, they did everything, but it was all pointless. I told them I was fine, that I felt like I was already moving on, but they were all lies. I can’t help it. I don’t want them to be worried. They’ve already suffered enough and I don’t to be another burden. 

«I wrote you a song. Yes, another one. It seems like you are still my biggest inspiration. I really want to sing it to you, but it’s not finished yet. You need to wait just a little more. I promise you, the next time I’ll come with the lyrics. Just wait for me. 

«why y/n? Why did you do this to me? Was I not enough? Did you feel like you couldn’t trust me? Why? Why did you not search for help? I would have been there. I would have listened to each of your worries. I would have stayed with you. I would have told you that everything was going to be okay, that you were not alone. So why did you never told me how you were really feeling? Fuck- why? I know that it’s anyone fault, but I feel like I’m the only culprit. I know that i should not be mad at you, but I am. I’m madly angry. I wanna scream, cry and at the same time let everything go. But you will still not come back to me. So why should I try anyway?

«I’ve always seen suicide like a way to die for cowards. I’ve always thought that people who chose it were selfish. But who am I to think about it like that now, if I wasn’t even capable of helping you? I’m the real selfish because in 6 fucking years I wasn’t be able to look into you, to look through you. You were suffering and I didn’t do anything. I tried to blame you when you told me you needed me, so who am I to fucking say you are the selfish one? I’m a mess. I’m a disaster. 

«the last time I saw you, you were happier. I remember that I even asked you why. You just told me “today is a beautiful day” and before I left you said “I love you, always will” for the last time. If I only knew. I read somewhere that a star burns brightest in its final moments and I get it now. Every time I look at the sky I always wonder if you are finally happy. When I look at the glowing stars I always think it’s your way to tell me that you are there. You are there and you are okay. You are protecting me. 

«I cry. A lot. Even now, I can’t stop crying. The guilt it’s really hard to bear. I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling disgust towards myself. And you would probably be disappointed too if you saw me like this. You want me to be happy, but I can’t. Not without you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t look out for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when I was supposed to. I’m sorry that i was the worst boyfriend you could ever ask for. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. 

«will I ever be able to see you again? I really hope so. But I’ll make sure to look at the sky every single night and look out for the brightest star. Because you are there, aren’t you? 

«please wait for me, I still have to sing you a song. You will be proud of me, I promise.

a/n (2): hiii, how are you? I’m finally on school break! Sorry if I’m being inactive BUT, apart from school that is really stressing me out, I’m working on a bunch of things (a long ass fic and a smau :)) ). I probably already said this, BUT I’M GOING TO SEE MY STRAY KIDS IN JULY AFTER TWO YEARS, AND I’M THE HAPPIEST. I cannot really wait. Btw, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it. I also ask you to like it and tell me your opinion about this to help me to improve. Have a good day / night 🫶🏻

[underhousearrestblog]

Self-Sabotage | Neymar Jr.

(summary) when things get tough with your boyfriend, you do the only thing you know – run, and Neymar is not having it

(warnings) toxic-a$$ behavior... from you, luv... history of emotional abuse and neglect (not between the main couple), insecurities about relationship

(pairings) Neymar Jr x reader

(genre) angst, fluff

(reminder) Y/N – your name

(word count) 3.6k

(also) didn’t proof-read but I’m pretty sure I used the term ‘girlfriend’ and she/ her pronouns somewhere there...

HAPPY READING!

You stared at the article in front of you. After the initial shock of seeing the headline and the attached photo, now all you felt was void. Staring numbly at the gossip page, you felt tears rush to your eyes.

Famous Brazilian soccer star Neymar Jr.’s girlfriend cheating?

The attached photos showed you with a friend of yours hugging in quite an intimate manner in front of a hotel. There were already a few hundred comments on the article – some of them ripping you to shreds, some feeling sorry for the soccer star, some hoping it’s not what it looks like.

You had stopped reading comments a long time ago, not really caring for other people’s opinions. Still, it hurt how many people were hoping for your relationship to end.

None of the pictures showed any kisses or otherwise compromising actions but it didn’t take much for your boyfriend’s fans to take something half-baked and run with it. From the vague article and pictures, it could be a date you’re on and it might as well be just running into someone on the way out.

Two pings went off, indicating two new text messages. First was from the friend who informed you about the article.

I’m so sorry, luv.

You wanted to both cry and laugh.

The second was from Neymar. All it said was:

On my way home.

Whenever he texted you that, it usually took him about twenty minutes to get home. You had twenty minutes to get away.

Your thought process might be stupid. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t cheat. You shouldn’t run. However, your past experiences showed that people, when having even a gram of doubt, could become aggressive. Blame you for things you didn’t do. Say really ugly things. Of course, you wouldn’t describe Neymar with those behaviors but did you really know him? Had only dated for six months... He had probably just seen his partner on the front page of a gossip magazine for alleged cheating... Were you really sure he would believe you?

Once the logical part of your brain kicked in, there was no turning it off. The scepticism and anxiety, your usual companions, were creating scenarios in your head, despite you trying to hope for the better.

He’ll probably will ask me to leave – that was the best case scenario, you thought, stuffing some of the stuff you kept at his place into a bag, I should probably let him cool off anyway before I suggest talking.

You had seen situations like these far too many times – some of your friends blowing up in suspicion that their spouses had cheated, your parents frequently accusing each other, reading horrible news headlines of people getting violent, thinking their partner had cheated.

You knew that running away just added to the possibility of you coming off as guilty – that will be something you’ll have to be okay with. Did you think Neymar would become violent? Not really. However, him looking at you with suspicion and accusation would hurt just as much.

Most of your shit had to stay at the house, you would have to come collect it later. If your boyfriend hadn’t thrown it out himself already. So you packed only the essentials or things that would be hard to replace, in case Neymar actually threw them out. Some clothes, electronics, toothbrush, makeup, vallet and keys.

Keys...

Should you leave his key behind? In that case you should probably write a note or something. But what could you say? I saw an article lying about me cheating, so I went to clear my head, here’s the key, I will be back for the rest of my shit...

Probably should keep it for now... Could use it to come by for your stuff unnoticed.

Once everything necessary was packed, you went to leave and - ever the unlucky timing – the moment you opened the front door from inside, you ran right into Neymar. His fingers were picking out the right key to open the door and, while his gaze was casted down, you had just the right time either consciously or on accident to drop your bag behind the door.

Once he lifted his eyes, they quite literally lit up and he grinned, as he took you in. Disheveled hair, a wild look in your eyes and out of breath – to him you looked like a wet dream, at the same time you tried to steady your breathing enough to not literally pant.

- Hey, sweetheart, - you made no move to move aside. – I texted. Practice ended sooner than expected.

When you still made no move to let him in, he looked you over in more careful fashion, looking for something that’s wrong. You were in a hurry to leave, so, of course, hadn’t thought of the possibility that you could run into your boyfriend.

I shouldn’t have wasted time packing, you mentally berated yourself, but he clearly hasn’t seen the article yet, so what’s the harm of talking for a few minutes?

You forced a smile that, hopefully but unlikely, looked genuine. While moving aside to let Neymar in, you opened the front door with more force than necessary intentionally, sending the bag under the small table by the front door.

While he took the cap and boots off, you closed the door and leaned against it. He fidgeted with shoelaces and you fidgeted with excuses. He talked about something one of his teammates had announced at the practice, but you were only half-listening. Before he went into the kitchen, Neymar turned to you and with an amused smile said:

- Are you coming or leaving?

- I, - you stammered out, - I was actually... I wanted to go to the store.

Every word out of your mouth felt like lead, like a lie. You tried to focus on his eyebrows so you didn’t have to look him into eyes while lying.

- We need milk, - you tried to sound chill, - milk and some other stuff.

You hoped to every god out there that you sounded less panicked to Neymar than you did in your own ears.

Apparently, you did a better job than you thought ‘cause after a small moment of him just staring at you like he’s seen you for the first time, he shrugged and carelessly threw out:

- I’ll take a shower and we can go, - and turned to go into the kitchen. – We’ll take my car. Gimme fifteen minutes.

You blew out a breath you subconsciously had started to hold. He’s going to take a shower. Yeah. It was fine. You’ll sneak out while he’s in the shower. And you’ll leave him a note. He deserved that much.

You carefully walked into the room your boyfriend was and watched him take a bottle of water from the fridge. Were you the only one who felt electricity all around this room? You could’ve bet there was static in the kitchen. But Neymar seemed oblivious.

Watching him made you feel bittersweet nostalgia-kind of feeling. Was this the last time you would see him? Last time you see him loving you? Liking you? There’s no way he would like you after he reads that article. And there was no way he would believe you after he does. You were sure of it.

- Is everything alright, love? – you boyfrend asked, after you hadn’t blinked for a full minute. – Are you sick?

You wanted to laugh. Or cry. Mostly cry.

Instead, your lips stretched into a genuine smile. Your eyes – traitors – watered against all your strength. Something between crying and laughing bubbled out of you, as you took few short steps towards Neymar and hugged him tightly. He exhaled out of surprise but didn’t even take a second before he hugged you with the arm that wasn’t holding the bottle.

His eyebrows furrowed, as he disregarded you with worry. You had never been an overly clingy or affectionate person and, against his own wishes, he had let you take all the space you needed.

After a half of minute of comfortably silent hugging and him rubbing your back, you stepped back.

- Now you’re worrying me, princess, - he chuckled, as he released you. – Did someone die?

Just our relationship.

Now it was your turn to chuckle.

- You have something against my hugs?, - you tried and failed to joke, quickly turning around, so he can’t read your eyes. – I thought you wanted more PDA...

You heard him laugh, as he put the bottle back into the fridge.

- Well, don’t stop on my account, sweetheart. Just let me take a shower so we both aren’t sweaty, and go nuts on hugging me...

You gulped down your tears and stepped into the hall. Just few more minutes. Just few more and you’re free.

Free.

What a joke.

Free to not see hurt in his eyes, as he reads about the media accusing you.

Few minutes was too much time...

- Hey, - you turned back and ran into Neymar yet again, as he was exiting the kitchen. – How about I go alone, huh? It’s just a short trip to the store. You should relax.

Something similar to amusement danced in his eyes, as he put his hands on your upper arms to steady you.

- Are you trying to get rid of me?

You opened your mouth to fix the mistake.

- Honestly, I’m hurt, - he put his left hand over his heart, faining offense. – I thought that being in a relationship would mean fun trips to get milk at 3 in the afternoon...

Him pretending to get hurt with such a serious expression on his face twisted the knife lodged in your already bleeding heart. You swallowed hard and broke the eye contact.

He took your face in his palms and turned it back against him.

- I don’t know what’s going on with you today but we’ll fix it, okay? – he sounded so sure and you wanted to throw those words back in his face. – Just ten minutes, okay?

You didn’t want to lie more so you just nodded and stepped back. He looked at you for a moment and turned towards the guest bedroom.

- Aren’t you going to go up to our room? – you questioned.

- Nah, the water pressure’s better here, - he said, entering the room.

That could cause some bumps in the road. Your room was upstairs, and him taking the shower upstairs would give you enough time to open the garage. In Neymar’s fancy house, the garage could be only opened from inside, from the basement. Apparently, to minimize the possibility of robberies. The garage door opening can be heard on the first floor.

Though he was taking a shower so... There could be possiblity he wouldn’t be able to hear it.

His car was still out front and he had said you were taking his car. On the other hand, even if he would hear the garage door open, you could just lie, again, and say you wanted to take yours.

The moment you heard the water start, you took your bag from the hall, keys and threw open the basement door. Once you had unlocked your car, you put the bag inside and went to open the garage door.

Piece of shit high-security system, you swore, as you took your phone to look up the code.

Neymar had tried to teach you the method of automatically opening the garage from an app on your phone but you never bothered and had to go down to the basement every time to open the door manually. It took you about a minute to put in the key code and unlock the door.

Once you did, you went to pull the door up by the lever, just to do exactly that and, while your eyes were adjusting to the natural light, to once again run into someone’s chest. Someone who stood right outside the garage door, was towering over you and smelled exactly like your boyfriend.

- Shit, - you muttered, as you took him in.

The same hoodie, the same sweatpants, the same – very dry and sweaty – hair.

- What the-

- fuck? – there was no sign of amusement in Neymar’s eyes.

Or suspicion. Or anger, for that matter. What there was – tons of – was disappointment, and somehow that was worse.

- I think we should take my car, - you tried to lie your way out one last time.

He inhaled and very slowly, very patiently exhaled, as if trying to gather all the patience in the world.

You calmly took a few steps back but the backs of your legs touched the front of the car. For every step you took back, Neymar took one forward and ended up crowding you against your car.

He looked at you with immense disappointment and hurt. Closing his eyes for a short period of time, he breathed in one more time and opened them again. This time, there was only anger.

- So you weren’t going to leave me, right? You were just going to drive the car out front and wait for me, weren’t you, Y/N? – he challenged you, his fingers combing through the hair on your scalp before he roughly pulled them to make you look up at him.

You physically couldn’t open your mouth to make another lie. No more.

- Your things missing from the hall was just me being tired and seeing stuff, right? The bag you kicked under the table was for shopping, no doubt. And you, - the intense look in his eyes, as he pushed you back a bit more so you’d have to sit down on the hood of the car, was terrifying, - you hugging me as if one of us was going to die tomorrow, that was my imagination too, wasn’t it?

Once you gathered enough courage to open your mouth, you threw out the most wrong words you could:

- I was gonna leave a note.

Against his better judgement, Neymar laughed. A humorless, dry laugh but still. He rested his forehead against yours, as he slowly drew circles on your scalp with his fingers.

- You were gonna, - he laughed some more, as if the thought alone appeared ridiculous to him, - you were gonna leave me a note? Pray tell – what could you possibly write to justify all this?

You flinched.

So he knew... He knew about the cheating rumors. And he asked for justification. So that meant he believed them? The paparazzi. The media.

- I would’ve apologized for leaving without notice, - you said in a small voice, pulling his hands away from your body. – But I didn’t want for you to break up with me in person.

Neymar’s eyes danced all around your face, searching for something with solid focus.

- It’s easier that way.

The short confusion was overpowered by anger and despair once again.

- Easier for who? – he took a step back and brushed through his hair with fingers. – For you? You didn’t want to break up with me in person, like an adult, so you decided to what? It would be less of a bother to just leave?

You won’t cry, you won’t cry, you repeated in your head, trying to keep up a stable demeanor.

- Do you think it’s easy for me? On top of everything else, you and your entire fanbase are thinking I cheated when I didn’t! – you raised your voice and it, of course, immediately cracked. – I go see one friend and I’m the bad guy! You think that is easy for me?

Neymar blinked. He looked you over once more with wide eyes before slowly stalking towards you.

- You were leaving... – he started, lifted his eyes up, inhaled and turned back to you. – Why do you think you were leaving?

You snorted and stood up from the hood. What did he want – for you to admit that you did cheat when you didn’t?

- I’m so fucking done, - you muttered and turned to get to the driver’s seat.

Next thing you knew – an arm around your waist lifted your feet from the ground and you were put back on the car’s hood. You huffed, now angry and irritated, and started to get down again, before two arms caged you in.

You had no choice but to look into Neymar’s eyes, as he leaned over you to the point where you had fallen on your back if you hadn’t put your hands on the car to support yourself.

- You lift your ass up one more time and I swear to god, I’ll bring down those cuffs we use in the bedroom, cuff both of us together and you’ll have no choice but to talk to me, - he said, completely serious.

That’s a bluff.

- You know better than anyone that I only allow those to stay on, - challenge in your eyes turned both of you on, - those are too loose for me. I could always take them off with no key.

You could. That part was true. The false entrapment was both a turn-on and a relief for you.

The lack of surprise in Neymar’s eyes said everything you needed to know.

He always knew.

Of course.

- You don’t want to play with me right now, - he said in a husky voice. – I’m frustrated enough I will tie both of us together with a shoe lace if I have to.

The stare-off lasted for just a few seconds that felt longer than they were. You broke the eye contact first and blew out an exhausted breath. Then you looked up at him, defeated and calm.

- I didn’t cheat.

His eyebrows shot up. He looked so surprised that, for a second, you questioned whether he had even seen the article.

- Cheat? What a-

- Someone took a photo of me and Eddie, and they released an article about me possibly cheating, - you explained. – But I need you to know now and always – I didn’t cheat.

He looked at you as if you had just punched him in the face out of nowhere.

As if you had grown another head.

As if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

This was it, right? What more was there for you to say?

- I can show you the article, - you offered, quietly.

- I saw the article, - he stood frozen still. – Two days ago.

Both of you stood still for a moment. Like bewildered wax figures. Not saying a word. Not even breathing.

- Did you not? – Neymar almost whispered. – Did you not see it?

You shook your head, regained your voice and added:

- Only about thirty minutes ago.

- So when you said you didn’t want for me to break up with you, - he rubbed his temples, trying to fit everything together. – You thought I wanted to break with you over... – he waited for you to finish.

- Over me cheating...

- Over your cheating rumors?

You nodded.

Wait-

If he didn’t know why you were actually leaving-

- Why did you think I was leaving? – you asked.

He looked down before looking back at you, fidgeting his fingers at the same time.

- I thought you were breaking up, - he explained. – with me.

You laughed. Genuinely. All this crazy day, and this was the funniest thing you’ve heard thus far. Hearing you laugh, even for a stupid reason like that, made Neymar smile.

All the emotions you suppressed today made you burst out in laughter. Your boyfriend thought you would want to break up with him!

- What was I supposed to be thinking? – he started to explain, frustrated but with the same kind, usual, familiar amusement in his eyes. – I see a gossip article about my girlfriend and one of her friends. I assume she’s seen it too. And everything’s alright for two days straight so I don’t think about it. Then I come back home, she’s packed everything up, hugs me as if I’m dying and is almost crying on the spot, - he smiled down at you. – What am I supposed to be thinking?

- That she has her reasons? – you hug him for real this time. – And, hopefully, that she would never cheat, - you add, burrowed in his hoodie.

He pulls back and takes your face into his hands to make you look up.

- That’s why I didn’t bring the stupid article up, sweetheart, - he says. – No point in talking about it if I never, not for a second, entertained the thought.

He hugged you back and inhaled the smell of your shampoo in your hair, calming and comforting.

- I will, however, be getting tighter handcuffs, - he kisses the top of your head. – And I wasn’t joking about cuffing both of us together if you ever refuse to talk shit out, princess. I don’t know what house you grew up in but in this one we don’t run away.

[scintillyyy]

i have this idea in my head for an au for tim where jason survives ethiopia and it looks something like this

so, obviously, both jack and janet are killed in haiti, since batman doesn't have a personal need to go down there, he just made sure that the ransom money went through for their release

of course, it was never about the ransom money, it was about the deaths. so they both get poisoned and offed, since batman isn't there to stop that and save jack

which leaves tim an orphan. he doesn't blame batman, because he doesn't know batman was even working with the police on this. i doubt the police tell people that lmao

bruce feels bad, but he and tim have no personal relationship so to him tim is just another victim of a senseless crime and the most he does is make sure that tim gets the support he gives to all the victims of crime he wasn't able to stop: access to good social services who will help him navigate this tragic time. since bruce does not actually have an adopting problem, he doesn't immediately look at tim and think mine, now.

and then, like normal, he and jason move on to the next crime and tim kind of fades from their minds.

however! things are not over for poor tim yet. after all, phil marin wants to embezzle all the money from drake industries and smuggle big boxes that say medical supplies on the side and pin the blame on 13 year old tim (he's a pure genius)

so tim, who is at the orphanage/group home now, and actually doing quite well for himself, he's very popular and likable, gets concerned when the police start asking if he knows anything about inconsistencies within the company, if his parents told him anything, let him know that the company is in danger

(the police do not buy that a 13 year old is involved in this. or maybe they're so corrupt that phil is paying them off to pin it on him anyways)

anyways, tim is concerned. and what does concerned tim do??? go to batman??? nay, i say, nay!! he doesn't care about bruce or jason that much, especially at this point. he only has eyes for (1) person.

so he sneaks out of the orphanage and takes a bus to NYC to see if he can get nightwing to look into this!!!

dick isn't at the apartment, he's at the circus so, sigh, tim has to find him there.

why is dick at the circus?? well his life is probably still blowing up. and he's still mad at bruce.

and now, i'm not a proponent of dick was super mean to jason at all, in canon he was pretty nice to him and liked him a lot and jason had his blessing and all and he's very glad jason didn't get killed by the joker

but listen. he's kind of resentful of both bruce and jason right now. jason nearly gets beat to death by the joker and then bruce lets him stay robin and is mother henning the eff outta jason??? when dick got shot by the joker he got fired and kicked out of his house. i feel like this would bring out very bad feelings in dick, a little.

just. torn between relief and resentment for bruce. he is staunchly avoiding gotham right now.

so he's all depressed and at the circus and this kid. this 13 year old scrawny, shady kid shows up and murder mystery and all that and dick is just like. who are you. tell me. what is going on.

and tim looks, like immensely guilty and he's like. i don't know how to say this. but i need your help.

dick doesn't know why anyone would need or even want his help.

and then tim's like. i need. nightwing's help.

and dick error code 404s. and this kid. does not want to tell dick how he knows he's nightwing. this effing kid.

eventually, dick cajoles it out of him and oh my god this is picture kid.

anyways tim promises he won't ever tell anyone and he didn't even want to have to come to dick but there's this thing going on with his recently deceased parents' company and idk the police are either not catching the bad guy or they're suspicious of tim and tim just didn't know what to do and he just needs help.

and really, how can dick say no to that? so he helps the annoying little kid, looks into it, finds phil.

and tim is just. so excited. that he got to see dick in action. this was the best day of his life.

anyways, thank you, my trust is safe, i won't bother you again, this was the greatest, i'll just be going back the orphanage now, i really appreciate it.

and dick's like...oh, no the orphanage? but it's not like he could adopt the kid or anything. dick's life is a dumpster fire.

and tim's like, nah it's cool. it's like boarding school, i'm used to it. and i get to go to public school now which is pretty sweet.

and they part ways. but you know. dick just can't forget about picture kid in the orphanage for some reason. he also doesn't tell bruce about tim because bruce is unreasonable and dick's still frustrated with him. dick can handle this on his own, okay???

....anyways maybe he starts going to gotham to check on tim more. gotta make sure he's keeping the secret, right? and he maybe starts enjoying this kid's company. tim's always so genuinely excited to see him. idk there's just a connection with picture kid :(

and bruce certainly doesn't need tim to fix him, but you know who's life is a dumpster fire and needs fixing? dick grayson, that's who. tim has a job now, and he's going to take it seriously.

bruce and jason don't notice dick's burgeoning friendship with tim drake on account of they're busy with knightfall shenanigans

anyways, bruce's back gets broken, azbats happens, dick and bruce somewhat reconcile. dick gets left in charge of gotham as batman! bruce goes on his soul searching and you know, i'm inclined to think he brings jason with because jason is his son. so dick is alone!!

which is very sad. luckily he's got a weird little friend in town to keep him company and that kid's name is tim drake

prodigal with dick and tim!! obviously, tim isn't robin, but they still hang out. go grocery shopping together, drink orange juice. tim just keeps him company, which is much appreciated. maybe dick starts teaching him some self defense and gymnastics stuff.

anyways bruce and jason eventually come back and dick moves to bludhaven to ~establish himself~.

but he comes back for contagion of course. he gets desperate when he finds out that tim's orphanage is affected and tim contracts it. he finds a cure just in time, racing from the hospital to get it to him!!

anyways cataclysm happens. and then....

no man's land!!!

i'm going to say that tim gets trapped in the city, due to being in a orphanage.

so guess what??? he becomes one of oracle's informants along with.....cassandra!!! he and cass get very close here okay.

i also like the idea of him running into young justice when they invade NML as a joke and helping them and then a fated friendship develops

i'm assuming at one point he gets close to huntress too. maybe he's in her class at school and figures out who she is before all this?? idk where she teaches lol im terrible

anyways tim and cass are in oracle's clocktower, cass becomes the new batgirl and this is probably when bruce finds out that tim knows

i like to think that becomes oracle's computer protégé around this time. maybe he ends up as one of oracle's proxies in this au.

and when robin and nightwing come into no man's land, dick is like "tim!!! my tim!!! little brother you're okay!!!" having been desperately worried about him when he realized tim didn't make it out before they blasted the bridges

and now they have to be like ooops yea so we know each other. :| bruce is grumpy, i'm sure. but he also kind of grows fond of tim after this??? tim is objectively a good addition to the team.

i almost think that jason is maybe a little resentful??? like this nobody kid has a super special bond with dick, dick adores him, barbara adores him, new batgirl adores him, huntress will only talk to him, bruce is grudgingly impressed with him, he's like an honorary member of young justice and they're all same age friends and jason is just a little too old and isolated for them being a couple years older and not quite as independent from batman and doing his own thing as tim was as robin in canon at this point

anyways no man's land ends and tim can't go back to the orphanage. he knows!! he's involved!! most likely he lives with barbara and cass but also he's in bludhaven all the time and so excited to be able to help dick out, like, officially

anyways i'm sure bruce eventually adopts him at the same time as cass after OYL and everything has burned to the ground because tim has been part of the family for years now

but then bruce dies!! i like to think tim stays in gotham and does his own thing as dick!batman's personal oracle. interestingly, jason is the one who is likely super isolated and goes off on brucequest, because if he doesn't have bruce, who does he have?

anyways i think tim is actually just much more secure here. he's fine! he had a good time. sure it sucked when bart and kon died, but he didn't have the same desperation since while he likes bruce and all it's not quite the same since he was never bruce's robin?? he's cool. he's got dick.

[rubydubydoo122]

What would be things the batkids would have grievances with Alfred over? It's always about Bruce but the world doesn't revolve around him only, so let's look at another guardian/grandfatherly figure.

I feel like they all would be upset with Alfred for letting Bruce get away with most of the shit he does to them. Like how Alfred's supposed to be the one holding Bruce accountable, but he doesn't. And here's the list from least angry at Alfred to most angry at Alfred

Damian. I don't think Damian realizes how much of Bruce's behavior stems from Alfred being a pushover, and he worships both of them too much to actually see it.

Dick. In those early days, Alfred was the one there for him in a house that was too big, too still, and too empty. He probably started getting angry at Alfred during his early 20s, but then it was just Dick, Damian, and Alfred, and Dick kind of became Bruce, so he had times where he resented him, but he "grew out" of it

Jason. And I think he's only the tiniest bit behind Dick because he's almost pretty much in the same boat. Alfred was the only person there in a house that was too big, and when everything was too much, and compared to this Billionaire, Alfred seemed human to Jason. He probably took comfort in Alfred before he took comfort in Bruce. And then Alfred was the one who suggested Jason should quit Robin. And, maybe for a hot second there, (and I mean, a singular passing thought then never again) he blamed Alfred for his death, but Jason also has a plethora of parental issues, so he wouldn't blame Alfred. And this is assuming Jason is completely unaware of the way Alfred low key Shat on Jason's grave so that Bruce would feel less guilty, or whatever.

Then there's Cass. She's just way too good at reading people to not see the way Alfred's pushover tendencies are effecting the 'family' negatively. She wants to yell at Alfred to "Put his foot down." But she knows he won't, so she doesn't. And In a sense, she might just be the same as Alfred.

Then there's a gap, and Duke. He didn't really know Alfred for that long, if you really think about it. Maybe a year, tops? And the reason he's smack dab in the middle is because sometimes, Bruce will do something and Duke will be like "That... is kinda messed up. Who raised you?" and then he'll take it back bc he'll realize he's speaking ill of the dead.

Tim. I hate woobifying him, but Idk, Alfred was the one who gave Tim Robin. Alfred was the one who gave Damian Robin, and I feel like, Tim, Looking back would think "What the actual fuck. What I was doing as a teenager should've been Alfred's job as Bruce's Guardian" Maybe not currently, but after some time. Maybe when he's in his 20s or has his own kids or something.

Stephanie Brown. She's the Family Friend. She has a slightly outside perspective to all of this, and she's great at puzzles. She Died for Bruce's cause and that didn't stop ANYTHING. She's constantly listening to when any of the batclan members are ranting about Bruce, and his poor coping skills and realizes that it's all just a fucking cycle and it started from Alfred. Alfred was confused on the line of professional and parent and Parented Bruce by being a Butler. Which wasn't what Bruce needed at an 8/9/10 year old who just lost his parents. And that's why Bruce doesn't know how to Parent any of his children without making them some form of a hero. Because Bruce grew up with a boundary of professionalism separating him from any real parenting, and he needs that boundary while parenting his kids. Obviously Bruce has his moments, but those are probably from when he had REAL parents.

Steph tried explaining it to Duke once, and he understood PERFECTLY, but then Duke said not to repeat this to anyone else because they worship the ground Alfred walks on.

[writing-for-marvel]

Everyone's Watching Him (But He's Looking At Her) (4)

Actor!Bucky Barnes × Assistant!Fem!Reader

< < PART 3 | Series Masterlist | PART 5 > >

Summary: Bucky begrudgingly undertakes his press tour and PR relationship with Sharon as you question if you can continue your job whilst watching him fall in love with someone else.

Warnings: shy & insecure reader, angst, idiots in love, miscommunication, soft fluff and an extremely happy ending 👀

Word count: 4.0k

A/N: photo credit by @bwsebastianstan, dividers by @vase-of-lilies

Main Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Taglist | Library

You can’t even look at him.

That’s what destroys Bucky the most.

The past week he’s been completely deprived of the soothing comfort he feels when your eyes meet his in a crowded room.

You’re seemingly so disgusted that he would stoop so low as to fake an entire relationship to promote some stupid movie that you can’t even look at him.

Between all the cameramen, producers, make up artists and rotating allotment of interviewers, whose eyes are all focussed on him, you’re the only person in the room who isn’t gazing in his direction, when your attention is the only one he cares about.

Each time he looks up, eyes instinctively searching for you, it feels like a dagger twisting in his heart to find you’re still acting as if he’s not there. Bucky’s found himself perpetually stuck in your blind spot, and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt as alone and desperate for someone to notice him whilst simultaneously being the centre of attention, in all his life.

No one’s interested in the movie, the intricate plot, the dynamic between the characters or even the difficult stunts he performed himself, all anyones asking questions about is Bucky and Sharon’s supposed relationship and the manner in which they got together after months of filming.

He can’t blame Sharon for playing the part perfectly, like the extraordinary actress she is, this is her chance to create a name for herself in this ruthless business and she’s pulling out all stops to make it count.

But Bucky hates it.

This is not why he became an actor and it would mortify his younger self to think this is all his career boils down to.

“And cut!” Someone yells and all of a sudden the room bursts to life again. He’s barely focussed on the questions being thrown at him, opting to let Sharon take most of them because it feels less dishonest that way. The fewer words he says, the less lies come out of his mouth and it makes him feel ever so slightly less guilty lying to the entire world.

Sharon squeezes his hand to grab his attention and gives him a look which screams ‘try harder’, but because they’re surrounded by a hoard of people she can’t actually say it aloud.

Maria’s on the phone beside one of the cameramen, and even through all the bustling noise, he can hear the distinct sound of her making arrangements for ‘the happy couple’. Dread settles in his stomach which sinks beneath the floor like an anvil.

To top it all off, he looks beyond where Maria is standing to find you busy discussing something which much be exceedingly important with some other crew members. Normally you’d be watching on with a reassuring smile, and when his gaze would meet yours, everyone else would melt away and it would seem like you were the only two people in the whole world. But he can’t exactly blame you for doing your job.

Bucky suddenly feels extremely claustrophobic, caged in by the bright lights, cameras and people working in the limited space provided by the set. It’s like his body is viscerally holding in his last breath until you turn around and look at him, and he’s suffocating waiting for something he intrinsically knows won’t happen.

He stands up, waving off the make-up artists who are rushing over from their station to ensure Sharon and himself look perfect for the next interview.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” He mumbles, not waiting for permission he knows he wouldn’t receive before trudging away to his dressing room.

Bucky relishes the moment alone, away from the mayhem, having the space to take a breath and calm the swarming anxiety in his chest. It’s not as effective as the comfort you provide whenever you are in his presence, but he knows it’ll have to do for now.

At that moment Becks’ name flashes on his phone and guilt pangs in his stomach that he’s forgotten about until now. He’s been ignoring her calls all week - his excuse is that he’s been insanely busy since the premiere, but he knows the real reason is because she’ll be disappointed he hasn’t told you what she could so plainly read on his features when the three of you were in the same room.

He hits ignore once again with the internal promise that once he summons enough courage to disclose his feelings for you, he’ll return her call. Ringing with either fantastic news, or in need of consoling a broken heart.

“Bucky?” He hears your voice call his name and he immediately turns around to the source, heart skipping a beat seeing your eyes land on him for what feels like the first time since under the dim light outside the premiere venue a week ago. He takes a couple seconds to commit your features to memory, knowing burning the image in the back of his mind will help him gather the strength he needs to return to the monotonous stream of interviews.

“Yes?” Bucky enquires to break the silence, something that even now, when he’s positive you’re avoiding him because you’re opposed to his promotional methods, has never been awkward between the two of you.

“They need you back out there.” Before he can even so much as thank you for the instruction, you’ve closed the door and he’s all alone again.

He can barely function only seeing glimpses of you. There’s a certain quality about you that no matter how tired he is of answering questions and interacting with people, he’s never too fatigued to be around you. Time spent with you allows him to recharge, and without that it feels like he’s running on empty.

Bucky takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and picturing how he felt the night after the infamous Alexander Pierce interview when you stayed up with him until the early hours of the morning, laughing at old movies and throwing popcorn in each others mouths, before he carried you to bed and seriously considered climbing in next to you.

Those are the memories with you he cherishes, even more so now that you’re giving him the cold shoulder, and is what will keep him going for the rest of the day. Probably even the rest of his life.

And with that happy thought, he’s ready to take on the next interview.

* * *

You feel your heart sink below your stomach for what feels like the thousandth time this week.

Each interviewer is asking the same damn question, ‘how did the two of you get together?’, which of course prompts Sharon to deliver the same damn response each time. You could recite her answer word for word at this point, but it doesn’t make hearing it yet again any less painful.

It’s a recurring nightmare you’re unable to wake from.

You do your best to keep busy, which isn’t all that difficult when there’s a million different interviewers rotating through who you need to provide copies of Bucky’s ‘no go’ list in an attempt to prevent a repeat of what happened on Alexander Pierce’s late night show.

But Bucky and Sharon are the eye of the storm, everything revolves around them, so it’s impossible to avoid their relationship altogether, nor the hollow, sinking feeling settling in the pit of your stomach when you catch a glance of them lovingly smiling at each other.

With each rotation of interviewers your resilience dwindles further. It’s only been a week, but you’re just about ready to break. The doting glances, the constant stroking of his arm, the intertwined fingers, adoring hand kisses, are each an additional stab to the heart which brings you closer to your demise.

You really would think of them to be such a cute and affectionate couple if one half of the pair wasn’t the beginning and end of your whole world.

You want to go home and cry your eyes out until the headache you get from being dehydrated is worse than the ache in your chest from your breaking heart.

As someone yells ‘cut’, the room coming to life with a frenzy, you do your best to fight the urge to look at the main stage where Bucky is currently sitting. All your instincts tell you to sneak a glance, but you know deep down seeing them together will bring about a heartache you’re sure you’ll never recover from.

So as arduous as it is to avoid staring at the same eyes that bring you a never ending supply of comfort and reassurance, and that seem to soften each and every time they notice you, without fail, you choose not to. Because at this point, the fear of more agony outweighs the morsel of solace you might find.

Why are you subjecting yourself to this?

To him, you’re just an assistant. Someone to do the organisational tasks that he either doesn’t have time for or purely doesn’t want to. A job multiple people who aren’t life shatteringly in love with him are qualified for.

You’re positive there will not be a day that goes by in which you will not be in love with James Buchanan Barnes, but quitting as his assistant would allow you a small fragment of peace that constantly being around him and Sharon will never allow.

That even if he isn’t yours, you wouldn’t have to watch him be someone else’s.

Perhaps that’s the most tranquillity this cruel world can grant you now.

Are you really about to do this?

In your moment of reservation you make the mistake of looking over to Bucky, in hope that seeing the handsome face which never fails to give life to butterflies in your stomach, will remind you why you do this job, but what you see instead does the exact opposite.

Sharon leans over the minimal space between the two chairs and kisses him, lingering for a few agonising seconds before pulling away, all toothy smiles as they intertwine hands.

Your heart crumbles into irreparably small pieces and you have to force yourself to heave a shaky breath.

It is unfortunately not the first time you’ve seen the two share a kiss, but you determine to yourself it will be the last.

You’ve made your mind up. You can’t endure this any more. You’re done.

After the last interview tonight, you’ll hand in your resignation.

* * *

As you knock on the door and twist the handle in response to Bucky’s mumbled ‘come in’, you feel yourself approaching the bottom of the seemingly eternal abyss you’ve been falling into since learning that Bucky is dating Sharon.

When you feel the sensation while sleeping, you get the relief of waking up, but the past week has been a nonstop, agonising plunge.

Though you’re nervous about how he’ll react, and petrified that in a moment of weakness you’ll disclose romantic feelings you want to keep secret in order to justify your departure, you’re certain this is the right decision, and that provides you the drop of courage you need.

“Hi.” Even in just the single syllable you can tell he’s completely worn out, but there’s a hope and longing in his eyes at the recognition it’s you who’s entered his dressing room that even his exhaustion can’t quell.

He hasn’t even put up a defence to what you’re about to do, but even just by looking at him, at those damn steel blue eyes which shine bright enough to illuminate even your darkest days, you question if you can go through with it.

Bucky looks at you expectantly, knowing you must have come in for something. There’s a small part of you, despite what you’re about to do, that makes your stomach clench at the thought that even though you’ve been avoiding him the last week, he still smiles when he sees you.

“I’m handing in my two weeks.” You manage to say, but your voice is weak and lacking any kind of conviction. It sounds more like a question than a statement.

“What?” His smile turns into an expression of shock in the time it takes you to blink. He stands, knocking his chair backwards, but his eyes are wide and only focussed on you. “I don’t accept your resignation.”

“Well then it’s a good thing it’s technically Maria’s management company that employs me. I just came here as a professional courtesy.” You turn to leave, unable to look at the undeniable hurt in his eyes and on his features you’ve caused. That will be your legacy to him, your last action in his life will be wrought with the agony of abandoning him.

“Is that all I am to you? A formality?” His words make you pause. As much as you need to move on from your own heartache of watching him in a relationship with someone else, you can’t leave knowing he believes he means so little to you.

You turn back to look at him and it feels like you’ve been shot in the chest, seeing desperation and hopelessness brimming in his eyes. You’re the cause of that.

“Not even close, Bucky. You mean so much more to me, that’s the whole point.” You put all your effort into making your voice level and believable. You might be leaving him but the reasoning behind it is because you care too much about him, not too little. With time, you hope he can understand that.

“The whole point of what?”

“Why I’m quitting - do you really think I’d be leaving if you meant nothing to me?” There’s a flash of something in Bucky’s eyes that you can’t quite place, perhaps something of a revelation, but so much more profound.

“Then why are you leaving?” You can feel tears stinging the corners of your eyes. You are dangerously close to revealing deeper feelings you promised you’d keep to yourself, that you wouldn’t divulge to Bucky and put him in the awkward position of having to turn you down because he’s already in love with another woman.

The searing pain of vocalising your devotion, the inevitability of being rejected by him overcomes you and you find your heart won’t let the words of affection leave your lips.

You take a deep, steadying breath and find yourself staring at the floor merely because you don’t have the strength to look into his bewitching eyes.

“It doesn’t matter now.” Is what you say halfheartedly, though you do believe it. Surely it’s too late now to be of any consequence. He’s fallen for another woman, you’re just the expendable assistant, nothing can change that now.

“Yes it does! You matter to me, so why you’re choosing to leave my life matters to me.” Your heart aches. You might matter to him, but not in the way your heart needs. Not in the all consuming, life changing, inescapable way that plagues every second of his life as he does yours.

You can feel your heart beating in your throat as you respond to him.

“All I want is for you to be happy, Buck, and you’re happy with her. I’m not going to jeapordise that, but it doesn’t mean I need to torture myself by having a front row seat to your love story.”

“Doll, you are my happiness!” You try to ignore the way your stomach flips and heart clenches as a result of his words. He’s just trying to make you stay… he doesn’t truly mean that. But then he continues and your world comes to a complete standstill. “If you’re referring to Sharon and I, that’s all fake! I’m not dating her, I’ve never been interested in her like that, it’s all for PR.”

Your hands start shaking and knees feel weak as your mind works to process his words. This can’t be happening. It was all fake? But then your mind flashes back to the fondness in Bucky’s eyes as he looked at Sharon at the premiere, as well as the way your heart ruptured when Maria confirmed their relationship and you can’t give your heart permission to believe him.

“No… no, that’s not what Maria said.” You stammer, replaying her words in your mind as you had done continuously since that infamous night to ensure you hadn’t misinterpreted them.

“What did Maria say?” Bucky’s voice has an edge of irritation which is hard to miss.

“She said Sharon was your girlfriend, real girlfriend… that you’d started dating while filming together.” Maria had been sure, unwavering, almost clinically so. She left no room for doubt.

“I’m gonna kill her.” Bucky mutters, almost to himself. “Doll, none of it was real, purely written into the contracts for promoting the movie. I think Maria saw how I feel about you and for her own twisted reasons wanted to push us apart.” You have to remind yourself to breathe because every single cell in your body is so overwhelmingly focussed on Bucky’s words that even your vital functions have stopped.

“How you feel about me?” You repeat his words breathlessly, unable to process their true connotation for if you’re wrong, it would surely end your entire existence.

Bucky’s eyes stare into your soul in a way that they never have before. He looks resolute, but somehow simultaneously vulnerable. Though you’ve seen him at his lowest, the fragility he’s openly displaying makes you suspect that there was always one last wall he kept part of himself concealed behind, shielding himself from one last heartbreak he just couldn’t bare to endure.

You observe in his eyes he’s pulled that wall down, and it’s like you’re seeing him, all of him, for the first time. And you’ve never been more in love.

“I was gonna tell you last week, after the premiere, but then you left and…” He shakes his head as he gathers his thoughts. When he looks up his eyes are filled with intent and don’t leave your gaze as he steps closer. You allow him to grasp your hands in his, his thumbs swiping over the backs of your hands affectionately and it takes every ounce of strength in you not to melt into his warm, musky scented embrace. When Bucky speaks there’s a crack in his voice. “The thought of you leaving takes away all my air, I can’t fucking breathe thinking that in two weeks you’re going to walk out of my life and never look back. I need you. You are absolutely everything to me. You are in every moment of my life, regardless of if you’re actually present for it. It’s you I will always search for in a crowded room. Whose eyes I find solace in and whose smile gives my life purpose. I live to be the reason for that beautiful smile. You are who I want to tell every good piece of news to first. Whose hand I instinctively reach for when I need the reminder I’m not alone in this isolating spotlight. Every moment of my life revolves around you. You are the nucleus of my world that I cannot live without.”

“Bucky…” You feel like you’re about to collapse. Your mind is racing too fast for any coherent thoughts to form, but warmth and adoration fills your entire body like a sugar high.

“Doll, please, you are it for me. There is no one else, even if you do choose to leave. You are my definition of love. You will be the person who I compare everyone else to, and I can already tell you with absolute certainty that none of them will even come close. There will never be anyone else for me, because it always has been and always will be you.”

You feel like you’re floating on a cloud, euphoria flowing in your veins and a warmth blooming in your chest so fiercely it almost feels like an ache. Tears sting behind your eyes, but you compel yourself to not let them blur your vision. You want to remember the pure love and devotion in Bucky’s eyes, how he’s looking at you like you truly are the only one in the world for him. As if, when he looks at you, everything else becomes hazy and you’re the only thing he sees.

All those moments, all the shared tender glances and lingering touches, all the generously sweet words you hope implied more than a simple boss-assistant relationship, it wasn’t just your imagination wishing he reciprocated your feelings.

Bucky had felt it too.

It was all real. So earnestly real.

“Bucky…” You reach up and cup his cheek, wiping away a stray tear which gently trickles from the corner of his eye with your thumb. He leans into your touch, closing his eyes and savouring the care in your contact. His prosthetic hand, which is still holding yours, gives you an encouraging squeeze, and when he opens his eyes again, his gaze is overflowing with adoration. “You are my home. The only reason I was going to leave was because I didn’t want to watch you fall in love with someone else. Loving you comes as easy as breathing for me. There is no one else in the entire world that I will ever love in that way, only you.”

You don’t even have time to breathe, for when those words leave your lips Bucky decides he simply cannot wait a second longer before kissing you. Though, you’re not complaining, it’s an urge you’ve been supressing constantly since you started working for him.

This kiss starts fast and frantic, you’ve both waited entirely far too long to express your love that you’re eager to feel as much of each other as possible. Bucky’s hands roam around your back, pulling you flush with him as yours start by cupping his face, before tangling in the long strands of his hair.

But when the realisation hits you both that you don’t need rush, that in fact you’ve got the rest of your lives to explore and memorise the intricacies of each other, the kiss slows to a sensual make out, taking your time to enjoy each other and what you’ve been longing for since the moment you met.

“Bucky?” You mumble his name against his lips, but he doesn’t allow you to say more then a single word and take a quick breath before his lips have covered yours again. You’re not sure how long you’ve been kissing him, but he’s clearly not done with you yet.

“Mhmm.” He hums into your mouth, hands slipping below the hem of your shirt, gliding over the smooth, bare skin of your back, sending shivers down your spine. He touches you gently, like you’re a precious flower he doesn’t want to crush, but rather preserve and admire for years to come.

“Take me home.” He pulls back, and your lips already miss being connected to his. You’ll never get enough of him, even if you were to kiss him for the remainder of your days.

He looks at you with a fondness and amazement that makes you think he can’t quite believe you’re his, even though your heart has belonged to him for as long as you’ve known him.

You tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear so you can have an unobstructed view of how he’s looking at you, soaking up the confidence which inflates in your chest when he gazes at you as if you hang the moon and stars in the night sky.

“As you wish, my love.” Bucky affirms, the twinkle in his eye makes excitement surge in your stomach - the night is far from over. He kisses you once more, savouring the feeling and to tide you both over until you make it back to his place.

Bucky takes your hand and refuses to let go as he proudly walks with you by his side through the studio, not giving a damn who sees the two of you together.

Part 5 > >

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[yannaryartside]

In defense of the "I am sorry" sign

images by @drrav3nb

Been thinking about how I think their relationship got closed not despite the sign but because of it.

The "I'm sorry sign" is introduced by Carmy as a method of de-escalation of conflict in the middle of service, something that will allow the people involved to talk about the issues later. The issues are hurt feelings, unclear expectations, miscommunications, and other stuff that can happen when everybody is anxious and trying to go through service by the skin of their teeth. In the season finale, we actually see them use it in this context, but most of the season we feel they used it for things that they actually should be talking about, not just leaving for later.

The "later" part never comes. Across season 2, they used the sign to avoid discussing things they felt scared/guilty about. But, being fair, neither Carmy nor Sydney were ready to discuss what was coming between them. Carmy has depression, anxiety, and abandonment issues that he cannot even process, on top of a relationship that doesn't make him feel completely good, even if he doesn't know why because everything is so great. Sydney is jealous; we don't know if she has processed her feelings for Carmy yet. But she also was counting on him to guide her through this process, and she feels that if she fails, it will be on her, not his lack of leadership, or, yk, that she has never done anything remotely as difficult before. She is drowning in fear, and she wants some sort of support.

STOP Syd and Carmy were explosive/confrontative in expressing their frustration; Sydney is mostly implosive; she deals with her frustration in private, and it takes a lot to make her explode as the others do. She primarily deals with Carmy with bitter questions and sarcastic treatment (she is better than me), and Carmy responds with exasperated attempts to explain himself; he gets defensive the way we know he is used to defending herself in his family (fishes).

But the 'sorry sign' is actually something that they use to stop the escalation of their (personal) conflict. I think the moment they use it in "Bolognese" is a perfect example. They both use the "I am tired" explanation, which is kinda true, but they are not going to the "core" of the issue. But, if anything, they knew they were hurting each other by raising their voices and assigning blame, and they decided they didn't want to hurt each other in any way.

They applied the sorry sign to move to harmony, even with shaky bases. Is a noble intent. It is kind of amazing that by the end of this conversation the conflict is kind of left behind, and they can laught at stupid jokes again. They can be each other again, they can be what they are with each other, even if the pain/hurt is somewhat still there. After all, they are bussines partners only.

What I want to say, is that they could have easily antagonized each other this season and decided not too. I know it doesn't seem as much, but many couples struggle with this; they can take a "are you vs. me" attitude. Carmy and Sydney pause and decide to recognize the other's point of view and needs, and they set up expectations for the future. Mainly, Sydney is clear about the behaviors she will not tolerate, and Carmy expresses his intentions of not disappointing her and how important she and their relationship is to him. Idk if I am explaining it well; I like the fact that they prioritize their partnership, even if they don't know the true nature of it yet. Carmy has a lot of fault on this because, again, it feels like she is covering for him in many ways, but still, the intent is noble; there is love behind it.

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Someone freaked out and geeked out over the whole "Donnie got spore'd" post and his biggest fear and I was so excited by it that I almost infodumped absolutely everything about it and nearly spoiled an entire arc

So yeh um Donnie is like really scared of Draxum

Naw jk we’re infodumping

OVERANALYZING DONNIE’S REACTION TO THE FEAR FUNGUS

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

Donnie is obviously afraid of Baron Draxum. He sees him as a monster now, less of a man and more of a creature feature out for blood. (He also looks kinda zombie-like, a reference to the fact that he is now dead.) The Draxum hallucination audibly blames Donnie for his death, but also intimates that Donnie didn’t have the guts to kill him himself.

Draxum has Raph and Leo chained by the necks behind him. They are his prisoners. But, they’re wearing the Genius Tech ™ shock collars. They are prisoners because of Donnie. Donnie was willing to bring them to Draxum, and even though he never went through with it, he still feels guilty over what he almost did to them.

Mikey is dead - horrifically dead. Beaten and battered and bloody, cuts all over his arms and legs and even his shell. He’s not a prisoner like the other two, he was tortured mercilessly at the hands of his captor. That’s because Mikey was the only one to actually be captured by Draxum, and Donnie blames himself for that. For reasons that Donatello will never comprehend, Mikey always saw only the good in him and believed in him from the moment he met him. Mikey was Donnie’s redemption arc, and because of that, he’s is the reason Donnie decided to leave Draxum in the first place. The family Donnie has now? Because of Mikey. The confidence to choose his own life? Mikey’s doing. The freedom he has, the joy, the love, every good thing in his life now? Michelangelo did that for him. So of course, Donnie treasures his little brother more than anything. But then, Donnie lets his guard down and lets his brother be kidnapped. What happened to Mikey while he was a prisoner… was Donnie’s fault. All his fault. Because, as Draxum himself stated…

HE WAS POWERLESS TO STOP IT. AS HE HAD ALWAYS BEEN. Despite his mental prowess and training, Donnie knows that he never stood a chance against his father. And Michelangelo almost suffered the consequences. People could have died, people Donnie *reluctantly* cares about could have been captured or killed, and no matter how much he wanted to help them, Donnie knew that he would never be able to stop Draxum.

Which is why he is relieved that Draxum is dead… but still feels guilt over what he did and didn’t do.

And yes this is for you, @daboyau and @boots-with-the-fur-club

[ohmaillegode]

Thanks for your post about Laudna and Imogen. I love how supportive they are of each other and it always felt a little strange that so many defined it as unhealthy.

Just curious though since I'm not well versed with the terminology, could you enlighten me on what codependency actually is or what it's defined as? I feel like the term gets thrown around and misused a lot.

Sure I can! And thanks for asking :) Keep in mind please that French is my first language and that I struggle to explain concept in another language.

I felt the same way, and as a therapist, I find it hard to see people misuse concepts and pathologize behaviors based on false information.

Codependency is when a person has a hard time being themselves in a relationship (friendship, romantic relationship, professional relationship, etc.) and has a tendency to completely disregard their own needs, wants and sometimes personality to meet the other person's needs and expectations. They usually have low self-esteem, and usually feel worthless except when they meet the other person's needs. Most of the time, only one person in the dyad is "erasing" themselves to please and tend to the other person.

I was in a relationship like that 10 years ago (and it lasted for 7 years). It was a bit violent too. I could never express any anger, sadness or discomfort 'cause I was met with rejection, gaslighting and more anger. I had to ask for anything I wanted to do outside the relationship. I felt like I had no power, but I loved them so much and I wanted to "save" them from themselves. I loved being their favorite person, and I loved it when I made them laugh, made them happy. When it ended (they ended it), I felt like I would never find someone else 'cause nobody would love me. I though that all our mutual friends would choose them and leave me. Two months after the break-up, I just bloomed.

Based on what we know and see of Laudna and Imogen, this is not their dynamic. Both are themselves, have moderately good self-esteem (don't start me about how Laudna doesn't have a good self-esteem 'cause it's not true), are able to express their needs, are making choices for themselves and are able to compromise together. TOGETHER is a very important word here. Usually, in a codependent relationship, one person feels like a victim or a martyr, which is so not what we are seeing here. They are both taker and giver in the relationship.

They are both able to give the other support, validation, agency, praise, and honesty. Are they perfect? No. The rock incidentTM is a good example of that. Imogen became passive-aggressive (common with people pleasers) and Laudna felt guilty for something that Delilah did (common for someone in a violent relationship). But in the end, both were able to express regret and apologized.

Both are also able to see their own worth. Laudna embraces her weird, and knows that she is a good caregiver. She has never questioned the love that Imogen has for her, she accepts it fully, and even sees herself as Imogen's better half. She feels loved. She told Imogen about Delilah being back 'cause she knew that Imogen wouldn't blame her and wouldn't stop loving her. She knew Imogen would be the one to help her regulate her own emotions, and feel like a good person again.

Same goes for Imogen. She is aware that Laudna is gonna love her no matter what she choses, and no matter if Laudna doesn't approve herself. She knows that she's powerfull and capable, she doesn't need Laudna to tell her that, but she loves it anyway.

Everyone has or wants a "tether", someone who helps you being grounded on what's important in life. It's not unhealthy to be able to count on someone, on their love and their adoration. They just love each other, that's it.

[sounknownvoid]

Sam's "puppy dog eyes" are just him,hurt or ashamed - vulnerable?

We all know (&love) sammy's "puppy dog eyes" - & thanks to dean, we've been told of its amazing powers of persuasion and influence on people... I mean look at the evidence:

How could you possibly say no to this face?... I certainly couldn't ...but maybe that's the point - hear me out..

In "Scarecrow", Dean waxes lyrical about how his brother could give you this "look" and people would just "buy into" whatever it was he was saying at the time...

Elsewhere too, it's remarked upon, by Dean, about how no one can resist the power of the "puppy dog eyes" - thing that strikes me though is the language used - its almost framed like its a "manipulative tactic", something that Sam deliberately uses to his advantage somehow and is a weapon in his personal arsenal to disarm and influence people....ie "mere mortals" - the language is almost ominous and sinister...from dean.

Similarly when he talks about how sam is the one more easily able to coax whoever they're interviewing on cases to trust them, persuade them gently with his demeanour to divulge information that they'd perhaps otherwise not have shared...again framed almost like a "secret power" of Sam's....by Dean.

But then, watch the actual show and the actual times those 'puppy dog eyes' are shown by sam - he'd usually hurt or bewildered or ashamed and guilty and scared - yes, even soulless sam coz y'know he was still an actual person... if it IS a tactic it usually seems to be to try and get other person to stop hurting him or to show that he's hurting (the point of facial expressions) in hope the said person will stop - which BTW, note how he blanks in later seasons instead and stops showing his vulnerability any more?...

and whenever he's been able to convince people to share information and to trust them - it's been because he employed EMPATHY n understanding and cared about the situations these "normal" people found themselves in...ie he simply treated these folks as normal human beings caught in a bad situation and showed them some consideration,thoughtfulness amd kindness.....and that's all.

Contrast to whenever dean has been on his own (or when soulless with him instead) - he has a hard edge to him and gives off some pretty angst n downright scary vibes- not too mention, he's usually pretty suspicious or scoffing at the "civvies" in his demeanour - prolonged contact with sam has taught him to moderate himself/his approach but it's not his "natural" state with folks...

And that brings me to the point I'm trying to make on this post...

What if dean, struggling with his own "complex feelings" and being unable to ever deny sam anything coz of his own love n conditioning reads Sam's wounded look as a manipulation- a way to explain away his own "weakness" ( coz remember in john & dean's world vulnerability & love is a weakness is not what a "man" does) - ie "sammy made me do it with his bewitching eyes" instead of "I love my brother so much I can't deny him anything" is more palatable to dean.... and also, because his feelings frightened him and he's scared of the (perceived) hold sam has on him - he thinks sam MUST know of his effect on dean and MUST be using it on purpose....because conflict/threat&it's defusal & disarmament of said threat or weaponising their tools/themselves, is what they do.

And then, to further justify it to himself, he points to the interviews with civilians and how sam is able to persuade them too - so it's not just him, samm DOES have these "powers of persuasion"-bordering on ahem, the supernatural...but it's just sam being a decent human to these folks...

Just like everything else Sam's been blamed for or, something ominous being made of something he does or is - maybe those "famous" puppy-dog eyes of his are just sam looking actually, genuinely hurt,wounded,betrayed? - but it's so much easier to deflect and dismiss as a manipulative tactic so that no reparations or even acknowledgements need to be made and so no accountability required to be taken - which is after all, "dean special power"?....

it strikes me everytime, how much of our views of sam are molded and informed by dean's POV in the narrative of supernatural....

I'm beginning to wonder if we've ever actually seen sam as he was in the story at all - from an objective standpoint, let alone his own POV (which I'm sure would be far darker of himself and also inaccurate?)...

[ad0rechuu]

★ MILKY WAY. ━━ (032) as hot as i expected

WORD COUNT. 1222

WARNINGS. idk insecurity? also tall yn supremacy!!

credits to @ari-shipping-stuff for being my beta reader / writer <33

DISAPPOINTMENT AND GUILTY— THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW AS YOUR’E STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO MEET TAEGYU AT.

Disappointed that your crush had called you to cancel your plans last minute. Guilty for feeling disappointed and embarrassed because you must look stupid to passersby staring down at the pavement with your phone in your hand.

Staring blankly at your call records, it’s not like you are mad at Taegyu or anything. When he had called he was clearly distressed and out of breath, saying he couldn’t come because an emergency had happened involving someone close to him.

You don’t blame him. It’s nice that he still thought to call you in such a situation, but there is still a part of you that can’t ignore this weird, uncomfortable feeling in your chest.

Stuffing your phone in your coat pocket, you decide that it’s better to go, before you actually start bawling on the street. You are selfishly craving for comfort.

Seonghwa watches his friends scold the current youngest for leading them to San’s parents' cafe while he wasn’t even working.

The shortest of the bunch huffs in annoyance before accepting that they aren’t getting free drinks today.

“Alright since someone loves to do shit without thinking first, what do you guys want to instead?”

Wooyoung shoots an offend look at Hongjoong.

“It’s not my fault that he wasn’t working today? He always works on Fridays!” he exclaims, his voice raising in pitch an embarrassing amount.

“If it’s not your fault then who is it? You didn’t even ask him!” The yellow-orange haired giant next to him yells in a similar volume.

Seonghwa finally speaks up. “Can you guys please lower your voices, people are staring at us!”

“Let them! My nickname isn’t eye candy for nothing.” Wooyoung spreads his arms and twirls in place, nearly hitting a costumer trying to get to the cafe.

“No one calls you that—” Mingi doesn’t get to finish his sentence as the sound of an item falling on the concrete cuts him off.

The older two let out a gasp as Hongjoong pulls their friend out of the disoriented strangers way.

“Oh my god, we are so sorry!” Hongjoong forcefully bows with Wooyoung, the other two following suit.

“I-It’s okay.”

Mingi bends down to retrieve the phone, his eyes widen as he notices a crack across the screen. He inspects it a little longer to make sure that the only damage before noticing a familiar group chat name.

“Huh?”

The person still doesn’t look up but gently grabs their phone out of his hand.

“Don’t worry the crack was already there.” They say with nod of goodbye before walking around the four boys to reach the door.

“Wait!”

Mingi’s loud call startles not only the target person but also his friends and a random passerby, they look at him in confusion as the person turns back around, finally making eye contact with him. A smile only visible in her eyes slowly makes its way on her face as she realizes.

“Yn?” Mingi carefully asks as the girl pulls down her mask.

Seonghwa, who stands closest to her, raises his hand to his neck to subtly check his pulse. He is so sure his heart stopped when her eyes meet his briefly. This is the person he has been dreaming about for years. The moment he has been imagining is happening right at this very moment. He can’t believe it!

“How come every time I'm at this cafe I meet one of you?” Yn laughs. The dark circles underneath her eyes are still noticeable but her smile outshines it.

She first walks to Hongjoong who quickly lets go of Wooyoung to meet her halfway. They embrace each other in a passionate hug, one that was a long time coming.

“It’s been so long Yn!”

“Too long, in my opinion.” Her hands fall on his shoulders as she looks at her childhood friend for the first time in about 16 years. “You lied to me, by the way.”

Hongjoong doesn’t answer but gives her a confused look.

“You said you were taller than me now!”

Wooyoung and Mingi erupt in cackles while Hongjoong rolls his eyes, still holding the girl.

“There is not that much of a difference!”

A whine comes from Wooyoung as he walks up behind his friend with a pout. “Hyung, you never let me hug you that long.”

Hongjoong turns around and smacks the back of the younger ones head with a warning look.

As Wooyoung rubs the back of his head dramatically, his eyes scan Yn. Instantly, he seems to forget about his pain and he pushes his hyung out of the way to take his place.

“Yn! You are as hot as I expected.”

They share a quick hug while laughing. “Not as hot as me though.”

Now it's Yn's turn to roll her eyes.

“Careful, Wooyoung. I might make you pay for my phone.” She shoves him playfully out of the way to get to Mingi.

A wide smile has been on Mingi’s face and his cheeks have been red since he called her name. He immediately takes her hands in his own, mirroring what happened at their first meeting.

“Princess! We meet again.” Is all that she says and Mingi feels as if the butterflies in his stomach are having a party.

She looks up at the tallest of the bunch innocently, like she didn’t just make him one of the happiest men alive just with her presence.

“Y-You..I— w-we..... uh?” He stumbles over his words when he looks into her eyes. All the while, her thumb calmly massages his knuckles in an attempt to calm him down.

Eventually, it works and he manages to get his words out.

“You are prettier t-than I remember.” He stammers. “I-I mean even prettier. You were pretty back then too…” His voice trails off in embarrassment.

“I knew what you meant, Mingi.” She doesn’t laugh at his mistake, she only nods understandingly with a grateful look on her face. “You are adorable, the name princess really fits you!”

The smile on his face grows even bigger, too happy to say anything back. He is ecstatic that someone called him adorable, let alone his idol!

Yn turns around and softly lets go of Mingi’s hands, making her way to the oldest of the group.

Although it hurts his pride to admit, a little part of Seonghwa was scared that she forgot about him when he saw her interacting with everyone but him.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about you.” She tells him as if she can read his mind. She scans his face as his eyes avoid her own nervously.

The pink haired boy doesn’t speak but internally his mind is going a thousand kilometers per hour.

Suddenly, her arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him into a gentle hug. “You are even prettier than in the photos, Hwa!”

His arms wrap around her waist and his face falls into the crook of her neck. His mind finally wraps around the very real feelings he has been trying to push down.

When he makes eye contact with Mingi, their minds are seemingly connected as the same realization dawns on them.

They are in trouble.

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NOTES. 난 Trou-ou-ou-ouble! Trouble! Trou-trouble maker! anyway to yn these boys are becoming her rocks that’s i’m all i’m gonna say for now also look at profiles chapters if u forgot how mingi met yn

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