#they're exes to me. but also not fully exes. like there's still Something but only sometimes

[heartbeetz]

I'm not the kind of person who likes having fankids for my ships. So the thing about Amy (Anton's kid) is that she's not even really a fankid. She's just my version of his canon kid who 1) we haven't actually seen (only heard about) and 2) I made non-canon in my selfship outside of an au. Like I would NOT have designed her if "Anton's a single dad and his daughter is a little pink hedgehog girl named Amy (but definitely not That one. wink)" was not a running thing. Sorry Anton for un-canoning ur already ambiguously canon daughter

[entername322]

Someone like you

Chaewon (ex Izone, Le Sserafim) x Male Reader

Length: 17666 words

TW: Abusive relationship

Next part

Pain, that's all you can say about yourself. Why does falling in love always have a risk of heartbreak? Sometimes you wonder if the risk outweighs the gains. For your particular case, it doesn't, it never has. “...... and then I came home to see him decorated the whole place with flowers and candles. Isn't he so romantic?” Right, flowers and candles, you know where that was going. “Yeah, that sounds great Chae”, It felt like your heart was being plucked out of your heart and set on fire. Why is your love stronger than your heart, if only your love breaks before your heart does. “He's so romantic sometimes, I love him so much-, Awwww”, Her cries of pain distract you from the twisting feeling your chest feels.

“I'm sorry Chae”, You steady your hands and continue stitching her wounds. “It's fine, thanks for this Pup, I owe you a lot”, You cringed a little hearing her nickname for you. “Chae we're both grown up now can you please stop calling me that?” It's a cute nickname, which only hurts you more realising that this is as far as you can get from being with her. “No, you will always be the cute little puppy”, Yes you are, who's a good puppy? The guy who keeps simping for his crush even after she's been in a relationship for a year now. It's you by the way, you're the good puppy, so loyal to your master. “There, all done, now just the bandages”, A good puppy who has graduated from medical school, hey that means you can take care of your master even better now. “Is it really okay for you to do this for free?” What dog would ask their owner for money? Alright let's lay off the dog jokes, you're still lame by the way.

“It's fine, they're cheap”, Even if they aren't, you wouldn't charge her anything right? “Thank you, I really mean it. I don't know how I can even repay you pup”, Chae grabbed your arm, her warm palm felt like a red hot iron that scorched your skin. “Yeah, it's fine. It's my job to care for people's lives after all”, You tried your best to smile at her, to show her you're doing this out of the goodwill of your heart. “You're just so, kind and stupid sometimes. If only he can be more like you”, She muttered the last part but it was loud enough for you to hear it. It fucking hurts, so fucking painful hearing something so ignorantly brutal. “So, how's work? Everything is fine in the hospital?” If Chaewon noticed your pained smile then she doesn't show it. “Nothing interesting is happening so far, although there's an offer for a transfer. I haven't read much about it but it will be a year long ‘voluntary work’. It's not fully voluntary though because we're gonna get paid decently, and we're gonna be working with a few other volunteers from all over the country”, Chaewon tilted her head curiously, “Are you gonna take it?” You were surprised to hear her words. It caught you off guard so you didn't get to hear a little hint of anxiousness in her words.

“I don't know, it's interesting”, Maybe that's what you need, a time away from your crush. “Oh, I'm sure you'll do great in it”, Chaewon smiles encouragingly, which only hurts you even more. Honestly, what were you expecting? Did you think she would ask you to stay here? Tell you how much she needs her and doesn't want you to leave? Come on bro, she's not like that. “Yeah, I was thinking about taking it”, You didn't really mean that when you say that, however seeing her genuine encouraging smile made you really consider it for real. “Well, I need to go home, thanks again for today pup, I owe you a lot”, Chaewon stood up with a smile on her face ready to leave. “Yeah see you later Chae”, You just sit there watching her leave your place while a storm is brewing in your mind. 

“Fuck”, You muttered to yourself, completely unaware that Chaewon is also cursing herself once she left your house. “Goddamnit pup why do you have to leave. You idiot”, The stinging pain in her arm is gone, covered with the sour mood she felt in her heart. “It's been years already and you're still waiting for me”, Oh, she does notice your feelings it seems. Of course she does, the two of you have known each other for years now. The memory of your meeting plays very differently between you and Chaewon's mind. For her she remembers how clumsy and cute you were, stumbling over your own words, overdosing on teenage hormones because of talking to a girl. For you it was an embarrassing attempt at making a friend on your first day of highschool, something that would keep you up at night with cringe.

“Idiot”, She kicked a can on the road out of frustration, but it's not enough so she started stomping on it with the hope of burying down the guilt that's building inside her. It's not that she wanted to use you, but…… she's just busy, or so she thinks. Her boyfriend, uhhhhh his name is irrelevant, is a hassle to deal with. She loves him, he's kind and caring and honest and cute and kind….. it's just sometimes he loses his tempers. Sometimes he would, lash out and accidentally hurt her, but he never meant to do so. It's getting better now (It's not) his outburst is getting less frequent (Pretty sure the ideal and normal frequency is 0) and he always tries to make it up to her (With empty promises and lies). 

Chaewon stops stomping on the poor can and just stares at the sky, finally realising it won't help erase the guilt she's having. On her defence she wanted to help you get over your crush for her. She cares about you, and she wants what's best for you. She wanted to introduce you to her friends, let you fall in love with someone who will love you back. Sometimes she thinks about a future where you date someone else, then you and her can be platonic friends, a brother from a different mother. It's just that, when her boyfriend got mad, and she got hurt, she can't run to the hospital because they would pester her about it. She can't run to most of her friends or family because they would also pester her, you're the only one who can help her. You were, the only one who would enable her. Young people, they're so dumb sometimes, both you and her included.

“Haaaaa, why can't we just be friends”, Chaewon sighed, she's not blaming you for your feelings, it would be hypocritical for her to judge someone's feelings when she's being chained by her own feelings. When you told her about the project she wanted to say don't take it, she wants you to stay here, to help her. Thankfully she recognises how selfish she is, and encourages you to leave, to get over your own feelings. It hurts, it feels wrong, seeing you break away from your feelings. Perhaps she yearns to have the courage to break free of her own chains. “I'm back”, Chaewon put on a smile as she got back to her place, “Welcome back babe, how was your day”, Of course for now she can only put on a smile and let herself fall deeper into the abyss.

“Are you sure? You know it won't be an easy trip right?” It's been a week since that talk with Chaewon, and today you are finalising your proposal of joining the volunteer work to your boss. “I'm sure sir, beside…… I need some time away from this place”, Is running away considered a solid reason for joining a harsh voluntary work? “Hmmm, well, if your only reason for taking this job is just a getaway from whatever shit you're dealing here, I suggest don't”, You flinched hearing your boss. “I think I can handle the job boss”, You tried to sound tough, “You know, I always pity you”, That's kinda harsh. “You are a good guy, smart and very nice. You're just too nice I sometimes hope you didn't get scammed and used by other people”, Yeah that sounds kinda familiar alright.

“I want to try something new. I think I can handle the work, and it might help me too”, If you say that with a little more conviction it would sound cool you know. “Haaaaa, youngsters with their self-finding journeys”, He shook his head and signed the form, “Comeback here, in one piece”, A smile form on your face before you quickly nod and bow to him. It's odd, you don't exactly feel excited about it, but you don't feel scared or disappointed about leaving everything behind, you're just numb to it. “Stop daydreaming and prepare the other documents you need”, Your boss slammed his hand on the desk waking you up. “Ahhh right, thank you boss”, He shook his head and sighed seeing your awkwardness, “I really hope you didn't get shot out there”, He's joking right?

After submitting the rest of the paperwork you went back home, had a nice call with your mom where she absolutely desecrated you with her words. “Are you insane? You're doing volunteer work in an active warzone?” Holy shit you are? “I'm not working in the warzone itself, I'm just a civilian mom. I'll be at the refugee camp, away from the battlefield”, That's the word you keep repeating to her for hours before she finally calms down. “Just, tell me it's not because of that Chaewon girl”, 2 hours and 16 minutes into the call your mom finally asked the right question. “No, of course not mom”, You can't lie to your mom, she's the one who teaches you how to lie to your dad. “Are you an idiot? Did I spend months carrying you around and 20 years plus feeding and taking care of you just to have you die somewhere because of a heartbreak?” Oooffff, why can't you be more like your mom?

“No mom, it's I think I-”, A knock on your apartment door can be heard, “Hey pup, are you there?” Speak of the devil. “Mom I'll call you later”, Your voice came off shaky and anxious, the time has come to test your resolve of running away. “Yeah, just a second”, Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and try not to lose your composure.

“What happened?” Come on now, you know what happened, “It's not a big deal, just a scratch”, You reached out and grabbed her face, inspecting her cheek. Chaewon smiles seeing your concerned face, you've always been awkward and shy around her, except when she's injured. When she got a scar you would just disregard your shyness just to make sure she's fine, it's a cute gesture she always likes about you. “I guess, it really is just a scratch”, You sighed relief seeing it wasn't a deep cut, then you realised how you are holding her and immediately let go as your face turns into a tomato. What happened to maintaining your composure?

“So?” Chaewon just tilted her head cutely, “Are you gonna invite me in?” That's a pretty ambiguous question, would you let her in again? “Right come on in”, You're hopeless sometimes. Chaewon sat down at your living room, silently noticing the packed up bag you had in your room. Her heartbeat rises as she realises what it means, some part of her wants to deny it but the other part knows that your leave was inevitable. “Tea?” She smiles and nods as you go and prepare her some of her favourite tea, of course you have her favourite tea at your house. “So, what happened?” You asked after giving her a warm cup of tea, “You know, the usual. He had a stressful day at work, I was also kinda tired from mine and we just clashed”, Usually the ‘clash’ that happens is between her and his fist.

“Well, you know what I want to say right?” Chae shrugged before she stood up and walk towards your cat, “Little Luna is getting fat aren't you?” Chaewon picked her up and started pinching her stomach. “She's gonna cut your face you know that right?” Chaewon laughed and sat back next to you while still holding Luna. “Well, I'm sure you trained her not do that right?” Her smile is such a deadly weapon to your conviction. “It's a cat Chae, you don't train them, they'll train you”, And to hammer this point Luna let out a loud meow and scratched Chaewon's hand. “Luna '', You scolded the fat cat as she jumped off Chaewon's lap, “Hehehe, one day I'll make her enjoy my cuddles”, Chae laughed as you examined her arm.

“We should clean this up”, It's really not that bad, it's just a little cut on the epidermis, “It's really not that deep bro”, You flicked her head and cleaned up her hand as she teases you for over your perfectly reasonable hygiene. “So, can I crash the night here?” Her question made you stop in your tracks, not because it caught you off guard, but because you know she only asked if things really went bad at her place. “Pup?” Chae was taken off guard seeing how quiet you've become, “Chae, I…… can't do this anymore”, She raises her eyebrow hearing you. “Do what?” You sighed and finished cleaning up her hand before sitting in front of her.

“I can't, keep letting you hurt yourself because of-”, You start talking without thinking and Chae immediately bites back, “Stop it, I don't want to hear that from you”, She felt awful for raising her voice but she really doesn't want to hear those things. “Well this might be the last time you ever hear it from me ever again”, You blurted out, making her heart stop for a moment, “What?” Her voice sounds squeaky and vulnerable. “Chae, I'm leaving”, Seeing her suddenly had glassy eyes made you second guess yourself. “For how long?” It's hard for her to accept it, “The volunteer work is one year long, but it might be longer since I'm gonna arrive early to have some field training”, You can't look her in the face, it's painful for you to see her so hurt with the notion of you leaving. 

The two of you sit in silence for a while, Luna moves to your lap and starts purring as if she realised you're having a tough time right now. “Is it-”, Chae’s voice broke and she took a second to calm herself down, “Is it final already?” Yet it still came out all squeaky. You didn't answer for a second, hearing her concern for your leave felt nice. It's a dangerous bait, she's giving a false hope that getting her is actually plausible if you stay here. “Yes”, "Oh you actually didn't take the bait, good job, “I already submitted the required paperwork and they already approved it. My flight is in 3 days”, In your mind, you just think Chaewon is trying to use you.

After all this time you finally opened your eyes and saw that she's out of reach, she was never going to like you the way you like her. Obviously you don't really see the complex feelings she has for you but hey at least you're taking a step in the right direction. “How long were you planning to keep this away from me?” Seeing her being aggressive made you feel bitter, you hate seeing her with this new lens. “I didn't know how to tell you, besides…… I didn't think you would care”, Suddenly Chae grabbed your face forcing you to look at her. 

“You're my best friend, of course I care. Just because I encourage you to go doesn't mean you should just leave without saying anything”, It's painful, finally realising that the person you care the most is inherently toxic. You're not saying that she's in a toxic relationship because she's also toxic, but she has certainly dragged you into one because she is selfish. Chaewon needs you, because you're the only one who would enable her Stockholm syndrome. “It's just…… I don't know if I can face you”, You pull back your head away from her grip and look back at Luna who's acting cute to cheer you up. “What was that supposed to mean? You can't tell your best friend for, 8 or 9 years that you're leaving? And you just want me to accept that suddenly you went missing without saying anything?” 

“Chae….. you know I liked you right”, Silence fills the room, you anxiously wait for her responses, hoping that somehow she can break the new image you had for her. Yet the silence was long and the curiosity you had is too loud to ignore, so you raise your head and look her in the eyes. She wasn't surprised, or confused, or angry, she just had the look of understanding, “I know”, Those words flowed out of her mouth. It was so quiet that it was barely a whisper, yet it echoed through you like a thunderclap. When the ringing subsided the only thing you can hear is the loud crash of your heart breaking into a million pieces. She knew, this whole time she knew about it and never said anything. Had she enjoyed watching you squirm and dance for her while your feelings laid bare like an open wound? Was it some cruel game to her?

Chaewon felt regretful, seeing your heart break right in front of her is tormenting her conscience. It's inevitable, yet she was not prepared for how painful it was for her as well. “I know, and I'm sorry I never said anything-”, Chaewon saw you stand up and stop talking. “I….. god, this whole time?” Tears start to flow down your cheek, “I never meant to use you, I just, don't know what to say to you”, Chae reaches for your hand, her touch sending shivers down your spine, but not the comforting kind like it used to. It feels calculated, manipulative, a stark contrast to the warmth you once associated with it.

Chae sees the disdain you had in your eyes and it made her scared. Scared of losing you, scared of seeing you lose your temper, and worst of all, scared of having to confront the consequences of her actions. “Pup-”, You pull back your hand making her flinch, “Don't call me that. You….. you like seeing me like that didn't you? Being a good puppy, chasing you around, wagging my tail like a loyal dog”, Your words came out as a thunderous roar that made her squirm in her seat. “No, of course not, please I'm sorry, can we talk this out first”, Chaewon reached out to grab your hand again before pulling you to sit back down. “I….. I can't, you're just…….. I….. this whole time…..”, You just keep muttering to yourself. “Please sit down, I'm sorry I messed up okay? Can you please hear me out first?” Chae pleaded as tears also started to pour down her face. Those tears, they're real, but not to you, you think you know better and managed to see through her ‘manipulation tactics’. You grabbed your phone on the table and just stormed off the apartment, running as far away as you can from her.

Chae wanted to stop you, to reach out and grab you, yet her vision is blurred and she can't even see you leave the front door as the floodgates burst open. She can't even hear you slam the front door as she starts to cry her heart out. Her actions can only lead to one outcome, and she knows the longer she stalls the confrontation the worse the fallout is going to be. Unfortunately in her delusion she hopes that one day you'll just let go of your feelings and everything will be good. Your apartment, once a safe haven for her, is now empty and devoid of your warmth. The ‘beautiful friendship’ built upon the unspoken words between the two of you has crumbled like a house of cards by a single gust of wind. Hours passed away before her tears finally dried out. Chaewon lay down on the couch devoid of energy, all she can do right now it's just text you hoping that you'll answer her. 

You on the other hand are being absolutely ripped apart by your mom, “You ran all the way here?” Her voice boomed around the house. “Haaaaa, Haaaa, haaaaa, nooo……” Your whole body is drenched by sweat, your mom's place is like a 30 minute train ride and you just ran there like a mad man. “You idiotic rascal, tell me what you did”, Your mom starts slapping you as you are dying from exhaustion. It took a while for her to calm down and give you a drink. Throughout your recollection of what happens your mom keeps the same expression, it was the ‘I told you so’ expression. Once you finished the two of you just sat there in silence, you wanted to say something but words just couldn't come out of your mouth. “Haaaaaa, go take a shower and get some rest darling, you're all sweaty and smelly”, You nod before going back to your childhood bedroom.

As you finish a long hot shower you see Chaewon has messaged you almost a hundred times already alongside a few missed calls. You just stare at the notification, too scared to open it. In the end your fatigue overtake you and you slowly drift off to sleep without reading her texts. The next day you silently join your mom at breakfast, she sees that you're not ready to talk yet so she just silently acknowledges it before giving you farewell as she went to work. The day passes by slowly,  it doesn't help that you were just laying down on the bed as you rethink what happened last night. Is Chaewon really a toxic bitch, or was she just a product of her environment. Are you seriously trying to give her a pass for what she did? Okay yeah she's your friend for years now and you've seen her slowly turn from this confident and unapologetic girl into a meek abuse victim. However does that excuse her behaviour of leading you on for years? 

No, I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. I need to hear what she has to say at least. One chance, after all I'll be gone soon and I might not be able to see her again for a long time.

Alright, if that's what you want, just know you might lose yourself in her eyes again. “Mom, I need your opinion on something”, That's not exactly a polite way to greet your mom when she gets home. However she nods and follows you to the living room where you recounted your dramatic talk with Chaewon. “Darling, look at me”, Your mom grabbed your hand, “You are being an idiot a hundred percent”, Jeez thanks mom. “But if she is as manipulative as you said she was then it's also not fully your fault. After all, you can't really blame a victim fully for being taken advantage of”, Hey that's not an encouragement for your stupid idea. “Yeah, you're right mom….. I guess a toxic environment would make toxic people right?” Fucking hell you're hopeless. “What? Are you letting this slide already?” Thank fuck your mom wouldn't let such stupidity pass, “No, I just…. I guess I want to understand why she did it. After all I'm gonna be away for a year at least and if I don't get this straight then I might spend the better part of my time being distracted by her”, That's not a convincing argument, at least not for your mom.

“ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? You just said she's a manipulative bitch and now you want to run back to her with the risk of you falling for her trap again?” It felt kinda nice, channelling the pain you're having in your heart with your mom's beating, however you should stop her before she accidentally kills you. “Mom, I just want to leave this place with some peace in mind, okay? Can you just trust me this one time?” The answer is no, but she took a deep breath before she examined you slowly. “I'll trust you just this once, how do you plan to meet her again?” Relief and determination washes over you seeing that your mom has agreed to let you have closure. “I'll text her tonight hopefully we can have lunch before I leave in two days”, Solid plans, surely nothing bad would happen. “Fine, now go order something for dinner, I'm starving”

You: Hey, sorry about yesterday 

Chae: Where are you? Why did you ghost me for the whole day? Do you have any idea how worried I was?

You: No sorry Chae I'm at my mom's house already. Sorry for running off like that yesterday 

Chae: It's fine, are you coming back?

You: Not today, I need some sleep to clear my mind.

Chae: Then, can we talk tomorrow?

You: I hope so. Can we meet up at lunch?

Chae: That would be nice, I'm sorry too.

You: Yeah, guess we were too hot headed last night 

Chae: Yeah, I'll see you back here at your place tomorrow then?

You: You're still there?

Chae: Duhhhh, you left with your keys dangling on your phone, what am I supposed to do? Leave the door unlocked so someone can break in?

You: Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll come by at lunch then, I'll see you tomorrow.

Chaewon has been spending the day with her mind full of anxiety. She's scared that you might do, something drastic. The fact that you didn't answer or even read her text made her think of the worst possibility. However when you finally reply she lets out a sigh of relief knowing that you're fine. Tomorrow, she has to apologise to you, she has to make sure you leave on a high note. If things go wrong and you leave before she can mend this friendship then the two of you would never recover from it. She can't let that happen, after all you're also an important part of her life. Even though it wasn't in the way that you wanted it to be.

You see, the thing about life, it has a humorous side. To whom might the humour cater to? Nobody knows really, but it certainly wasn't aimed at you and Chaewon. “Chae come home now”, Those words are the things Chae feared the most. After every fight her boyfriend has two possible routes he will default too. One, surprise her with gifts and romantic gestures to make sure she remembers how nice he can be. Second, he can double down and try to ‘reason’ with her by making her accept that his outburst is just part of who he is. Unfortunately, today he decided to take the second option, which means if Chaewon didn't comply there's gonna be a second fight. “Can I see you after lunch, I'm-” Her hand is shaking anxiously when she says, “NO, come home now”, And when he interrupts her she almost drops her phone. “Babe please, I have an appointment at lunch”, She pleaded, “Babe…… come home”, He used his cold voice which is the final warning, and Chaewon can only curse her own luck, “Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can”

Chaewon quickly scrambled throughout your apartment, “Fuck me, why the fuck can't anything to right for once”, She glance over the flight ticket you had and memorise the schedule before quickly wrote a note on pen and paper. “Fuck, pup please, for the love of god please understand, I promise I can make it up to you”, She pray, to whomever would listen and grant her wishes. As she writes some tears start to fall down her eyes and stain the paper. It was supposed to be a short note saying how her boyfriend suddenly called and she hopes you can reschedule lunch. However, due to her frustration she ended up writing a long essay saying how much she's sorry and even writing out about the things she wanted to tell you in person. During this she was interrupted with a text message from her boyfriend asking her where she is. Chaewon haphazardly finishes the note before bolting out of the apartment, leaving the door unlocked.

A few hours later you anxiously knock on your apartment door, waiting for her to open the door. Every second felt like an eternity and as time passes your stomach starts to twist making you feel like you want to puke. “Chaewon?” You tried to unlock your door to find it was unlocked, walking inside you call up to Chaewon but the only response you get is Luna purring on the couch. It was clear, she wasn't here, “Fuck”, For the first time in forever you actually yell out your frustration. On the coffee table you find a stack of paper, glancing over it you easily recognise her handwriting. 

This is it? This is how we're parting ways Chae? With a stack of notes?

Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and sit down on the couch, try to read the note with an open mind.

Hey pup, sorry but babe wants to meet me. You know how it is, I don't want to make him mad. I really, really, really, like I mean really feel bad for leaving you this note but I sincerely hope you understand. I know I don't deserve to ask for another chance but I hope we can reschedule our lunch tomorrow. If you don't want to, I get it. It'll hurt but I get it. The thing is pup, I never want to hurt you, I really don't. You're kind, strong and smart, I always admire how mature you are and how you can get your shit together. It's hard for me to say this, but I'm sorry that I never felt any romantic attraction towards you.

I don't want to make this cliche but it's not you, it's just me. I know you're cringing right now but just know that sometimes people just aren't made for each other. I love you, as my friend. Sometimes I dream of a different life for us. One where you and I can stay as friends, one where you're my shy, innocent and diligent little brother and I can be your caring and teasing older sister. I know it's hard for you to read this but just know even though you and I are not meant to be, you still have a special place in my heart. And I'm sorry, I never say anything about this.

I was scared, I was confused and I was distracted. Fuck it sounds so bad but I really wanted to help you get over those feelings pup. It's selfish I know, but I want to fix my relationship with my boyfriend before I start making things up for you. You know I have a lot of friends, I know you've been eyeing Kazuha some times, and I know she is interested in you. Fuck, I really wish things would go a different way. I wish we could be best friends forever, you and I, confiding in each other. I hope it doesn't sound too harsh but you and I are special, it's just, not in the way you hope it would be. 

When you said about this volunteer work I might encourage you, but deep down I was scared. I know one day you'll finally snap and confront me about this weird dynamic between us. When you say about an opportunity to leave and get out of your shell I was scared that you'll leave me and come back as a different person. I was scared, because in this fucked up and chaotic world you were the one who made me feel safe. Someone that would understand my struggle and help me through it. However on the other hand I wanted you to break off your shell. This whole time you've been living for me, for the hope that I'll be yours. I wanted you to find your own path and find yourself, get away from me so that you'll find a way to let go of your feelings.

Now, writing this whole thing I realised, I can't keep being selfish. I hurt you enough, dragging you down to a toxic relationship unintentionally. So, if you're looking for a farewell, I'll give it. Go out there pup, save people's life, realise that you're much more than what you've given yourself credit for. I hope you'll break free of the collar I've put on you this whole time. You're an amazing person, and I hope you can live up to your potential. Maybe one day, once you come back you'll find a reason to forgive me. For the pain I cause you, for all those medical supplies you've spent for me, for ditching our last meeting with these notes. I know I don't deserve to ask anything from you, but this time, I ask you to be happy. I ask you to let me go, and just, find someone who can love you as much as you love me.

Fuck I've been rambling for too long already. Pup, if you do feel like meeting me before you fly away just text me. If you don't, I'll understand. I won't let you go without saying goodbye to your face though. I remember your flight schedule, so if you don't want to meet me again I'll go there and just, wave you goodbye. Stay strong pup, I hope we can meet again.

Chaewon's tears that have stained the paper are almost gone, replaced by your own tears that almost render the paper unreadable. Is this the closure you wanted? Was there some sliver of hope you still hold on to thinking Chae might actually have some form of romantic feelings towards you? It's bittersweet, although the sweetness is nowhere to be found, you know one day you can see this note with fondness. Maybe this note will be the catalyst of your change. But for now, you just had to swallow this bitter pill and move on. Well, cry your heart out first, let the catharsis calm you down after.  “Fuck Chae, I don't know if you'll still be here after I come back though”, Yeah that's a fair point. “Don't die, please don't die while I'm away”

The whole day, and the day after, you just felt this new energy flowing through you. There's still some pain and bitterness there but you understand, it's the first step towards the right direction. Your mom also seems to be pleased with the outcome of this. “Okay, maybe she's not as bad as I expect her to be darling. She's pitiful, that's the best way I can describe her”, Just like how you are attached to Chaewon, your mom also had some attachments toward her. After all, Chaewon was the person who has been keeping you safe from bullies and was one of the only genuine friends that is still in contact with you after all these years. “Mom, can I ask you a favour?” Your mom nodded confidently, she knew what you wanted to ask. “I know darling, I'll take care of Luna while you're away. And I'll make sure that your dear friend will still be in a recognisable state when you come back”, The lady part needs some better wording but that will do.

“Thanks mom, and if she contacts you, can you just give her these?” You hand her a little gift box, “Darling, this isn't a therapy appointment, she won't need this”, Hopefully you can find your mom's sassiness within you in this year long journey. “Just, give it to her okay mom? I'll be off”, She nods and kissed your forehead, “Don't die out there sweetie, I love you”, She smiled at you, a mother's encouraging smile is an over powered buff, “I love you too mom”

Let's move back to Chaewon, she knows it's your departure day and she read your text saying that you won't mind seeing her wave you goodbye at the airport. However, like usual she is being held back by someone. “Chae I need you to stop lying to me okay?” The calm tone her boyfriend is talking in is unnerving. It was like an ice pick that's being stabbed to Chaewon's fresh open wounds. “I'm not lying babe, he really is just a friend”, Chaewon cried, she doesn't want to cry because- “Liar”, He would scream at her, *CRACK* a loud smack echoes throughout the room as he slapped her with all his might. “I wasn't, babe please believe me. He's leaving for a year. I promise I just want to say goodbye to him”, Chaewon cried out as she lay on the ground while her body was screaming with pain. “I know you spent the night with him, Chae, don't lie to me. I let you off this whole time because I know that pussy won't be brave enough to make a move on you. But you, I know you fucking sluttyness knows no bounds. You were giving him a farewell gift, weren't you? You let him have sex with you after years and years of simping for you. Now you want to go there and make him rethink about leaving so you can keep him. I know a fucking bitch like you would keep a side man, a second option”

After a while he just left her in his house. Chae lays down on the floor, face messed up with tears and bruises, her body is exhausted from the mental and physical torture she's been subjected too in the last two days. She lay down there for god knows how long before she finally regained her consciousness. Looking at the time it's already an hour past your departure. Her tears are already dried up so she can't even let out her frustration anymore. “I'm sorry pup, I really do”, Not long she heard a knock on the door, “Hello, anyone in there?” It was a familiar voice but she can't remember who it is. Chaewon tried to stand up but her body could barely move. She wanted to say something but no words came out of her mouth. “Hello, I'm looking for Kim Chaewon, is she here?” Chae realises that whoever's behind that door is trouble, but her voice, Chae could swear she knows her from somewhere.

Chaewon tried to stand up but she failed and just fell down and caused some of the empty beer bottles on the table to fall alongside her and shatter on the floor. “Hello? Is everything alright?” It wasn't, some of the glass shard hit Chae which made her let out a barely audible painful whine. “I'm coming in”, Then a loud slam can be heard from the door before it opens. From the floor Chaewon is laying on she can finally see the person that's looking for her, it was your mom. “Jesus, what happened”, Your mom immediately ran up to Chae, her mind racing with concern, and hatred for Chae's boyfriend. “Ma'am, what are you doing here?” Chae flinched when she felt the older woman's hand examining her wounds. “I'll tell you later, did your boyfriend do this to you?” Chae flinched hearing that question, it's not the first time she heard her ask that. “Fine, don't answer if you don't want to. Let's get you to the hospital”, In one swoop she grabbed Chaewon and just carried her away. Usually she'll refuse this type of help, but now you're no longer there to help you, and she's too weak to refuse so she just let herself get taken away. 

Your mom lay Chaewon in the backseat of her car before she took her radio and contacted the nearest hospital. “Dispatch, this is Unit 23 responding. Requesting immediate medical assistance. One injured victim, multiple bruises, possible head injury and a few lacerations due to glass shard on her arm”, Chaewon struggled to stay awake and ultimately went unconscious again before she even reached the hospital. “Hang in there kid, my son gonna kill me if he come home to find you dead”

A few hours earlier you were waiting at the airport, hoping for Chaewon to show up and wave you goodbye. However as the time for departure was nearing Chaewon was nowhere to be seen. You text her and she didn't read it and when you finally boarded you ended up calling your mom to check on Chaewon. As you were busy worrying for her, a girl suddenly sat down next to you, “Hello, are you also here for the volunteer work?” Oh shit, Chaewon who? “Oh yes, I'm from Serenity Medical Institute, nice to meet you”, Hey maybe moving on won't be that hard after all. “Nice to meet you too, I'm Minju from the Oasis Regional Hospital”, Minju gave you a weird look when you heard where you came from. 

“Serenity Medical Institute huh, I didn't know they sent anyone for this”, Seating next to a beautiful girl like her made you feel nervous yet somehow she looks more nervous than you. “I am the only one who's going”, You smile a little embarrassed. “Really? That's surprising”, Minju smiled, “Well how many people went from your hospital?” She thinks for a second, “Probably 12?” Is your hospital just very stingy? “That's a lot, I didn't expect so many people would actually be interested in doing these kinds of stuff”, Would sending 12 medical personnel cause some problem in the hospital? Wouldn't it get crippled due to the lack of personnel? “Yeah well, it's not like we're short on people, also doing this will give our hospital some subsidies that would help a lot”, Minju looked at your confused face and got confused herself.

“You get subsidies? I don't think I read that part in the application form”, Do you even read the form though? “Well yeah the form is made asking for international aid. The subsidy is our government's way to encourage the nation’s medical personnel to help”, Did they just send you for the government money? “Although I don't think Serenity would care about that type of stuff”, She was sending some jabs to you but you didn't catch it. “Really? Why do you say that?” Minju furrowed her eyebrows trying to see if you're messing with her, “Well, because it's the rich people hospital”, Your genuine confusion took Minju off guard. “Really? I never knew”, Minju stares at you for a second, “How did you get a job there?” This is a good time to point out how clueless you are at everything.

“Well, after I finished college the owner, well I think he's the owner, came to me to offer me an internship. He said he knew my father and owe him once”, Pretty sure you never met that guy again, also your mom tore you a new hole after you accepted the offer thinking it must be a scam. “See, there's almost no way for people to get in without nepotism. The place has such a service fee that most of its clients are millionaires”, Minju saw you even more confused which frustrated her. “I thought the hospital was the best hospital in the country. I mean, wouldn't that be the reason for the high price?” She clicked her tongue hearing your response.

“Yes, but also because the benefactors and clients are some of the richest people in the country. Most of the people working there have been working there for generations already. It's almost impossible for someone to start working there fresh off college. Any new recruits needs to have at least 10 years of experience in any other prestigious hospital before they have a chance for an examination by them”, You are very clueless about most things. “Huh, I never knew about that”, Minju pinched herself to see if she's hallucinating, there is no way someone is this dumb right? “What's your parents job?” Could it be, you're just a savant in the medical field that attracts their eyes? “Well, my father was a firefighter, and my mom is a cop”, That doesn't sound like a rich person's job.

“Huh, then….. Did your father save someone's life and that person happened to be a very important person?” You shrugged, seemingly not caring about that, “Maybe, I mean he died when I was a kid and mom said he saved a lot of life so maybe he saved someone important and the guy gave me a job out of gratitude?” Minju was baffled with how little shit you're giving about this. “That's…… I'm sorry about your father but do you know how lucky you are? There's people who would die to have a job at your hospital”, This rubs you the wrong way. “Why? What's the difference between your hospital and mine? I mean you and I still both save lives regardless where we work so it wouldn't matter right?” Minju was taken off guard again, you sounded so genuine with your words that she felt embarrassed for forgetting the main job of a doctor.

“You're right, sorry I didn't mean to come out as a materialistic person”, You felt guilty seeing how embarrassed she is, “Oh no don't be, I'm sorry I didn't know most of those things so thank you for telling me this”, Minju smiled at you. “You're just an innocent puppy aren't you?” Eeeehhhh, are you an actual dog? How come two beautiful and completely different girls can see you the same way like that? “I guess”, She laughed seeing you reluctantly accept her nickname. “So, since we'll be working a lot closer from now on I think this would be a perfect time to get to know each other right?” This whole thing feels nostalgic, it's a deja vu for the first time you met Chaewon.

No, I can't keep living in the past. Come on, I'm on this trip to break free of my shell. Be more confident, talk to her. Fuck what if I fall for her and it end up the same way as I did with Chae? Fuck I'm not gonna find anyone if I keep being scared.

“Of course, why don't you start first?” Minju did start first, and she also took the majority of the speaking time because you're too shy to speak up. In the middle of it you got a text from your mom informing you of Chaewon's condition. “You're okay?” Minju said after seeing you turn catatonic for a while, “Oh, yeah just, something came up”, Your voice sounds shaky and you turn around to watch out the window. Minju stays silent after realising that you're not in a talking mood, although she is curious about the situation. Moreover she's curious about you, she finds you to be pretty cute and attractive, and your innocence has some charm to it.

After a while your mom texted back informing you that Chae is stable for now and sent you her medical report. You read through it extensively, the more you read it the more you regret going on this trip. Without you there Chae would probably run back to her boyfriend after being discharged from the hospital. Well, even if you're there you won't be able to stop her from going back to him. It's like you are Sisyphus and she is your boulder, no matter how hard you try, she will always stumble down the hill into her boyfriend's arms. “Hey, you're okay there?” Minju decided to speak up seeing how distraught you've become, “Ahhh no, something came up”, Having someone to talk to would be nice, but would she care to hear a story of a complete stranger? “I don't mind listening you know, if you don't mind sharing of course”, Minju smiles at you, “Well, I have this friend, her name is Chae…….”

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“Uggghhh”, A pained groan escapes out of Chaewon's mouth before she even gets to open her eyes. As she tried to sit up a hand stopped her from moving, “Take it easy now kiddo, you're still hurt”, This time she immediately recognised your mother's voice. “Ma'am, I….. where am I?” Chaewon tried to open her eyes but the room was too bright for her so she immediately closed it again. “In the hospital, you were pretty rough when I saw you”, The first thing that came up in her mind was to run, anything involving hospitals is bothersome, from the bills to the questioning she'll get. Thankfully she's well aware that your mom wouldn't let her run so easily, so she just lay back on the bed trying to regain her stamina.

After half an hour or so she is able to open her eyes and sit on the bed, looking around the place she realises where she is right now. “No, my son already left”, A quick reality check from your mom completely buried her hopes of having you delay your departure. “Why……. Why did you come to my place?” It's hard for her to look at your mom in the eyes. Unlike you, your mom has this dominating aura around her that shows she takes no shit from anyone. “My son asked me to check in on you when you didn't show up to his flight”

Oh right, I ghost him again. Fuck how can I keep messing this up?

“Listen kiddo, I never liked you. For years I've already told my clueless son that you're leading him on and he never listens. I would've confronted you but I digress because he always told me not to”, It's really jarring feeling the difference between you and your mom. Her words and piercing gaze made Chaewon shivers in her place. “And worst of all you actually push him to take a dangerous job off country just because you two can't be a grown up and talk about your feelings”, Just for the record, your mom was trying to not be overly hostile, she just came off that way. “I'm sorry”, Chae said weakly, “However, after he came to me with your notes I got a glimpse of your side of the story and, somewhat open to listen to the whole thing. Today, after I see you laying down half dead on that abuser's floor I think I understand enough”

“He's not an abuser”, Chae immediately bites back, as those words left her mouth she immediately flinched and felt scared for going against your mom. “Kiddo, I've been in this line of work for the last 25 years already. I've seen your story play out a thousand times. I promised my son that I'll keep you safe, so I'm taking you away from that whether you like it or not”, That's illegal right? “But he's not, he was just having an episode. Sometimes he just lash out, he can't help it, that's just who he is”, Chae is way too far down in her own hell to realise the exit is right in front of her. “Really? You're blaming this on his mental state?” Your mom wasn't taking any of that, “He's bipolar okay? He can't help having drastic mood swings”, He was never diagnosed, Chae just read some online article and associated him with that disorder to rationalise his sociopathic behaviour. “Blaming that maniac’s behaviour on mental disorders is an insult to the people who actually have mental disorders. Kiddo, I don't think you understand how irredeemable he is. What he did to you today is unacceptable, and if you don't want to fight for your own sake then I'll fight for you by bringing him to court”

Panic starts to set in, Chaewon can't let her do that, “He's not like that, I promise, please just give him a chance”, Seeing how pathetic Chaewon is, your mom wonders how you can enable her behaviour for so long. “Let’s have this talk in the morning. It's late and I need to get some rest. Go get some sleep, I'll be back here tomorrow morning. If I didn't see you here tomorrow morning I'm coming back to your apartment with a warrant for your boyfriend”, It's not your mom's first rodeo, she knows girls like Chae would care about her boyfriend’s feelings over her own well being. “Okay then, I'll see you tomorrow ma'am”, Not even a thank you, so rude.

Fuck why did things got so complicated now. You were always so caring but this is too much pup. Your mom is gonna be the end of me. Fuck how do I convince her to drop this, I can't let her make babe mad. I need to convince her.

How would Chaewon convince her? Well, with a stupid idea, “Are you being serious right now? You want me to talk with your boyfriend?” Downright idiotic honestly. “Please, it's just one talk. You'll see that he's not as bad as you think he is”, Your mom is absolutely flabbergasted with this request, this little girl actually wanted her to have a nice and civil discussion with an abuser? “I don't think you understand, assault and battery isn't just a civil case. The law enforcement such as myself have the right to pursue this case, you know that right?” This also means if she talks to Chaewon's boyfriend and he loses his composure your mom can use his incriminating words against him. 

“Trust me just this once okay? Please?” No way in hell your mom is gonna trust Chaewon, she sees Chae as an even more clueless person than you. She wants to say pathetic but she's not heartless enough to consider her own son pathetic. “I’ll drive you back to your place, I'll ask him about what transpired yesterday and that will be it. That's all the chances he's getting”, Although honestly she does see this as an opportunity to gather more evidence. “What? I need to tell him about this first”, Chae didn't have her phone, he broke it yesterday so she can't contact him, “Tchhh, so you can warn him? No, I'll give him this one chance so I can see him being unfiltered. So get your ass up because we're leaving now”, Despair, that's what Chae feels right now. 

Your mom led her to the receptionist where she signed the paper for discharge. Since you were working there she used her family member card so that Chaewon's hospital bills would be reduced to zero, and that's a good price. Throughout the ride Char can't stop herself from biting her nails, her legs are all jittery and her heartbeat is beating irregularly, she's scared out of her mind. Once they arrived back at her place she was so nervous your mom had to wake her up from her thoughts. “Ahhhhh, oh sorry, you scare me”, Chae tries to calm her breathing down while your mom is staring at her, then the latter gets out of her car prompting Chae to follow her.

Chaewon knocked on the door, after all your mom didn't exactly search around to pick up her personal things such as wallets or keys. “You do know I broke the door yesterday right? The locks haven't been fixed”, Chae blushed hearing this and just opened her door, going inside she called up for her boyfriend but there was no response. “He must be out”, There was some relief in her voice, hopefully your mom would just leave the place so she can brief her boyfriend about what's gonna happen. “That's unfortunate then-”, However Chaewon's dreams were short lived as the older woman's words were interrupted by some ruffling sounds from the bedroom followed by some footsteps. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Really? That's the first thing your mom said in her mind. She's completely baffled that Chaewon would ruin her own life for someone like that. No body shaming of course, the guy was good looking, but he looks like the most generic fuckboy ever imaginable. “I'm here to talk to you, I am Officer Hwang, last night I find…….”, She trailed off letting silence fills the room. The reason for that is because a girl walks out of the bedroom he just came out from. Seeing how minimal their clothing is, it's quite easy to grasp what they were doing. “Who is this?” Chaewon's fear and anxiety is replaced with unbridled rage as if he just crosses the line. “None of your business, and why the fuck did you bring a cop here huh? Hwang? Is it that retard’s mom?” He's so eloquent, no wonder Chaewon fell for him.

“Lady her your clothes and get out”, The random girls immediately sprint back to the bedroom, “Who the fuck is she?” Chaewon screamed at her boyfriend. “Fuck you, who is this? You brought a cop here? Are you insane?” Seeing him refuse to answer, Chaewon raises her hand and slaps him. It is unprofessional to laugh at someone who's getting ‘assaulted’ but your mom can't help but crack open a smile. “Are you crazy, bitch?” The slap has taken him off guard, never in his life did he think that Chaewon would have the balls to do something like that. The random girl came out of the bedroom wearing her pants with some of her underwear being stuffed into her bag. “You were cheating on me?” Chaewon roared, she looked at the random girl and was ready to pounce on her but thankfully your mom swooped in and pulled the girl outside.

“Move, I need to talk to that bitch”, Chaewon tried to push your mom away but the latter hold firm, “I think you should deal with this one first”, She pointed at her boyfriend. “Shit fucker, look at me”, He roughly pull Chaewon's hand making her body ragdoll to the ground. “You think you're hot shit because you have a cop here?” This guy has issues, “You were fucking some random girl? AFTER YOU SNAPPED BECAUSE YOU THINK I WAS CHEATING ON YOU?” Huh, maybe Chaewon's final line is just cheating. It's impressive that he never crosses that line for the last few years. Seeing how Chaewon wasn't being a scaredy cat like usual hurts his pride, so he raises his hand to hurt her in return. 

“You should stop that”, Your badass mom just grab his hand before he can slap Chae, “You fucking disgusting pig, HOW DARE YOU CHEATED ON ME”, But she didn't stop Chaewon from slapping him. “You fucking whores”, His pride really can't take this anymore and he took one of the empty bottle on the table. “I warned you”, With a bored tone your mom pulled out her taser gun and just shot fade him. Immediately he fell to the ground, the bottle thankfully didn't break and cut his skin, despite how much your mom wanted that to happen. “You asshole”, Chaewon walks to him and just kicks him in the ribs, “Alright don't do that, you're gonna get in trouble”, But her words don't reach her like usual. Chaewon tried to kick him again prompting your mom to just drag her out of the house.

“Let me go, I need to kill that bastard”, She was taken off guard seeing how Chaewon just flipped a switch out of nowhere, “Well it's better than before I guess”, She muttered before pushing Chae to her car. “Stay here for a second, I need to clean this mess”, Well at least her menacing glare is enough to stop Chae from struggling. “Here, go busy yourself while I call up the medic”, She shoved a little gift box you prepared for Chae to her lap. Chaewon immediately recognised your writing and opened it, inside is a note and she immediately read it.

Hey Chae, I was writing this note because I feel like that's just gonna be our thing from now. Let me start by saying, it hurts. Reading your notes was painful and really fuck me up. However, I do understand where you're coming from. I can't force you to like me, although I really want to, I realise it's just not possible. I guess we were both an idiot, so caught up in our feelings that we ended up hurting ourselves. I just want to say, I don't hate you, I understand where you're coming from, I really do. I hope one day when I come back home we get to sit down together and talk about this further. I hope once I get back we can have a civil and mature conversation about our friendship and other things.

However, for that to happen, I need you to still be around when I come home. Yes I helped you throughout these years because I loved you. But it would be wrong if I say that was the only reason why I helped you. I was scared for you, this relationship you had with your boyfriend isn't healthy Chae. When we first met you were this badass girl who never backed down from anything. Now you're just this vulnerable girl who is being dragged through hell because you can't let go of your feelings. You know I'm right, all your friends have given up on you already because they can't bear to watch you destroy yourself. You say something about setting me up with Kazuha yet the last time you talked to her was already 2 years ago. Chae, I'm scared, I'm really scared with the idea that you won't be alive by the time I come home. I wrote this note because I want you to let him go.

No, I wasn't saying this because I feel jealous of him, I'm saying this because I care about you. I'm on this “journey” in hope that I can let go of my feelings, in hope to “break my chains” as you put it. Now I'm asking you to break yours as well. I know you're tired of hearing these words but you're sacrificing so much just by staying with that guy. I might sound biassed, but you can get any guy in the world and you're choosing the worst option. I never thought I'd say this, but it's also hurting my pride knowing you prefer staying with an abuser rather than, me. Fuck that sounds so bad, but if you were dating some rich handsome guys I'll have my heartbreak way earlier than this and probably move on. Chaewon, you're a beautiful, talented and strong girl, you can do better than him. It hurts seeing your mental toughness that I always envied are being used just so you can tolerate him. Please, now that I'm gone I can't keep you safe any longer. For the love of god please let him go Chae. I don't want to come back home seeing you six feet underground.

I might just be beating a dead horse but I hope you can see where I'm coming from. In this box there's my apartment keys. I already pay rent for the next 4 months so you can stay there if you need to. And finally, there's a hospital card here, you can use it in Serenity and get treatment free of charge. I hope you'll never need to use it, but I also hope for a lot of impossible things. Anyway I've been rambling for too long, I hope mom didn't go too hard on you. Stay safe Chae, stay alive. I hope we can meet again once I'm back home. I'll miss you.

It took her almost 30 minutes rereading that note you left her. It all boils down to, “Chaewon your boyfriend is trash, leave him already. Here take my keys”, But she keeps rereading them hoping there's more. She needs more, she needs you to write something, anything that could comfort her. “Fuck pup, why can't I just listen to you”, But alas there's none, after all you never expect this messages to actually change her mind. It technically didn't, her boyfriend's act of crossing her line did but this note is the nail in the coffin. A certain word rings in her mind, “If only he can be more like you”, So fucking cliché, yet sometimes clichés came from real life things.

Why the fuck did I say that? You're so fucking stupid sometimes Chae. Why ask for someone to be like him when he's already available. God what have I done.

No point of crying over spilled milk, but that doesn't stop her from ruining your notes with her tears. Is this your thing now? Sending notes and soaking them with tears. “He’s not a problem anymore, just in case you're wondering”, Chaewon jumped back at her seat when she saw your mom had rejoined her back in the car. “Right”, Chae wiped her tears and put the notes back in the box, “You want to go somewhere or do you want to go back to your house?” Chae glanced back to her house. It was inherited to her after her parent's death a few years ago, it was around the time she started dating that pig. Those beautiful childhood memories, all tainted by his presence. 

“No, can you take me back to your son's apartment?” It's not that your mom wants to snoop around, but she's just curious and has checked the gift before she hands it to Chaewon. “Got it”, Your mom thinks it would be a good idea for Chae to stay away from her house for now, 4 months is a pretty long time to cool down. However Chaewon had different plans, “I'll wait for you to come back pup. I can fix this, I can fix us. I'll wait for you to come back, then we can start over”, Her barely audible whispers float off to the wind. A promise for a better future, no matter what it takes.

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“Babe you need to stop dozing off”, You were woken up from your daydream with a gentle touch to your shoulder. “Right, I just feel weird. I can't believe a year passed already”, Yeah, it felt like a year just passed in an instant. “Come on, don't tell me you're thinking about staying here?” Minju wrapped her arm around you, “Of course not, I'm just a little sad that I'll have to go already”, Minju smiled and gave you a kiss. “There, I don't want my little puppy to be sad anymore”, She said teasing you, “Don't call me that, please never call me that in front of other people again”, It's bad enough that she calls you that in front of her coworkers, if she pull that name in front of your friends, or even your mom, you'll die out of embarrassment.

“Heheheheh, I won't promise anything. Now come on I need your big muscular arm to help me out the bags on the truck”, Living with no reception has bore you a lot, which is why you start working out alongside the soldiers that keeps the area secure. So needless to say, you've grown into a Chad, after loading the luggage you sat down with the rest of Minju’s coworkers. “So, what are we eating once we get home?”, Jaehyun, one of Minju's coworkers, asked the group. “I want some junk food, like 10 big macs covered with cheese dips type of junk food”, “No way in hell, we're eating something fresh, I want sushi”, “I don't care what we're eating but we need alcohol. Like a lot of them”, You've been pulled to be part of their friend group, although most of the time you and Minju would just fool around somewhere else. “Let's vote then, what does everyone want?” Voting with friends is such a bad idea, “I'm down for anything”, “Yeah me too, I don't mind”, “I don't really crave anything so I'll just follow what everyone wants”, In the end Minju just pull you to the passenger truck and sit with you at the back while her friends are busy discussing.

“So, we're going to meet your mom once we land?” It's hard to communicate with the people back home, you can only send her a letter every few weeks or so. Well except last week when you were given a satellite phone to arrange yours . “Well she did say she's gonna pick me up, so maybe we can have dinner with her after”, You haven't really told your mom about Minju so you're kinda nervous, “I don't think I'm down for thay babe. It's a 10 hour flight and I would rather go home and have a good long bath. Maybe we can have dinner tomorrow night”, Thankfully she rejected the dinner. “Guess you're right, I'm sure mom also wants to ask me about what I did for the last year”, It would be awkward to tell your mom that you actually got shot here. “Yeah, don't die okay baby”

“I told you you're gonna get shot”, You're like an inch away from getting shot by her out of frustration. “But mommmm, it was just an accident, some stray bullet from the soldier's training”, They even send you money for the inconvenience, or to shut you up. “Haaaaaa, I'm really this close to losing it. You didn't think about telling me in one of those letter you send me?” This is certainly a welcoming party, “ I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you worry”, She sighed and just shook her head. “Mom, where's Luna?” You tried to change the topic, “With Chaewon, that fat fuck want to stay at your apartment over here”, You raised your eyebrow in confusion, “Chae still living at my place?” 

Your mom does send you some update about her in the first few months, most of it just saying how Chae is getting better and has been reconnecting with her friends. “You should go there and talk to her”, Right, the long awaited reunion is due, “I should, tomorrow we're having dinner with Minju so I guess I could come over now”, Time zone difference fuck you up because you left around sunset and arrive back at your home around 8 AM, which isn't fun. “I can drop you off at your place if you get ready right now”, As you took a shower you can't help but feel nervous. For the last year you didn't really try to reach out to Chae and your mom didn't say anything if Chae tried to reach out to you. Going back to the living room you immediately noticed how tight your outfits has become. “That usually happens when you build up muscle darling. You should go and get some new clothes”, You remember Minju said she is a shopaholic so you made a plan to do a shopping run later with Chae. Just as a friendly reunion right? Right?

“Congratulations on your promotion by the way mom”, You pull out a gift for her, “Ohhh? What's this? The bullet that they took out of your body?” Damn that would actually be a pretty good gift for her. “Uhhh no, it's just a knife one of the refugees gave me”, Without hesitation she ripped open the box and pulled out a pristine military knife. “Ohhhh, good job darling, I'll put this on my desk”, She smiles happily before strapping the knife into her waist. “Now come on, I'm gonna be late”

You stand in front of your door, feeling anxious and nervous. If any of your neighbours see this they're probably gonna be weirded out since you’re just standing there for 5 minutes. Suddenly the front door clicked open and you saw Chaewon. She was going out and she bumped into you, “Sorr-.......” The two of you just stare at each other silently. The first thing you noticed is how healthy she looks, her cheeks are no longer hollow, her skin isn't sagging, she looks better. “Hey Ch-” Chae jumped to hug you before you finished your sentence, “It's you, you're home”, Even her strength is back, enough to suffocate you. “Chae, calm down for a second”, But she doesn't want to calm down, “You're back, you're really back, I miss you so much”, Chae hugged you even harder without any intentions of letting go.

“Chae let's not do this in the hallway”, She suddenly felt your arm wrapped around her body and picked her up with ease. It was at this moment that she noticed you don't feel so scrawny anymore. “You've grown”, She let go of the hug as you closed the door behind you, her eyes travelling all over your body. “Yeah well, I got a lot of free time there”, Your cheeks turn red as Chaewon shamelessly feels up your arms. “Meow”, Luna walked out of the bedroom and the moment she saw you she immediately ran to your leg. “Hey there Luna, did you miss me”, You picked her up and she immediately purred in your familiar embrace again.

“Well come here take a seat. Don't be a stranger in your own apartment”, Chae smiles and pulls you to sit down on the couch. Looking around you notices she has done a few furnishings, the place still looks familiar, yet there's some of her touch painting the whole apartment. “You like it? I don't want to change too much but I feel like your previous decorations were kinda bland”, Is her snarky remark making a return as well? “Well the place does look less grey”, Chaewon sits closer to you, “So, how was your trip? Come on tell me everything”, She leaned towards your arm and rested her head on your shoulder.

“It's a long story, weren't you just leaving to go somewhere?” Bering with Minju for a while you've grown immune to women's advances due to how flirty she was. “I was just about to get some breakfast. Have you eaten anything yet? We can order some food”, Chae notices your lack of embarrassment and it makes her, happy. “Well I ate some airplane food earlier, so I wouldn't mind going out for some actual good food”, Luna let out a growl as if she understands that you're leaving already. “Come on let's just eat here, I want to hear everything that happened to you”, Chae pinched your cheek as she leaned even closer to you. 

“Come on let's go out Chae, I also need some help. I actually gained some weight and my old clothes are getting too tight for me. Can you help me do some clothing runs?”, A date, Chae is ecstatic that you wanted to have a date with her the moment you return. “Yesssss, let's go then”, She stood up and pulled your hand, “Hahahaha, sorry Luna you're gonna have to wait for me again”, Luna let out a protest meow before jumping off your lap. “She's gonna be fine, let's go pup, it's shopping time”, Surely Chaewon won't take the whole day to help you get some new clothes.

“So you were actually shot? Like with a real bullet?” Chae is filled with concern hearing your story, “Yeah, it was just a ricochet so it's not that deep but it still hurts”, Don't cut off the fun part, tell her you cried like a baby as they tried to stop your bleeding. “That's terrible, I swear to god I'll kill that idiot who dares to shoot you”, It pisses her off, she could've lost you because some stupid drill. “It's fine, I was too close to the training yard anyway”, You can't help but smile seeing her angry face. It reminds you of the time when she used to get angry every time someone tried to pick on you. “Tchh, I'm only letting it go because you're safe and you got a cool scar from it”, Chaewon continued looking at your arm, rather, your bicep.

“Yeah, it does look cool”, You trailed off as you checked your messages that Minju had sent you. Chae furrowed her eyebrows seeing you've been busy chatting with someone on your phone throughout this breakfast. She wants to know who's making you smile and what those texts are, but she refrains for now. “Well I hope your feets are ready, we're giving you a makeover”, She'll ask you about those texts later, after all she has all the time in the world with you.

The shopping was hellish, Chaewon keeps pulling you to every clothing store there is and has you tried every single piece of clothing she can find. Then to top it off you had to bring all the luggage yourself. Well you don't have to, but you don't want to make her carry it so you just swallow the pain and move on. “Chae can we stop here? I think this is enough'', Chae does notice your suffering but she can't help herself to dress up her boyfriend. “Alright, let's put it back at our place, we can order some food for lunch”, Our place? You're gonna say something about that? “Our-”, Unfortunately your phone rings before you can ask it. 

“I need to answer this call first, can you order a cab for us?” Now, Chae is not exactly a nosy person, but she feels irritated with how much you were on your phone during this date. “Fine”, She doesn't want to make a scene so she'll just frown as she watches you walk a way to answer your call. “Hey babe , I was thinking that maybe we can grab some lunch? Or are you still dealing with jet lag?” Minju said, “I'm outside right now, having a reunion with Chaewon”, A little slither of guilt can be heard in your voice as you felt bad for refusing your girlfriend’s invitation. “Oh well, did everything go well?” She doesn't mind though, “Yeah, I think we're having a good day so far. I'm kinda happy seeing her revert to her old self. Although I think I would rather have her tone down her occasional jab. Physical jab, she's one of those people who like to playfully punch you and it hurts”, You hear Minju laughed out loud at your complaints. “Oh no, my poor baby can't take a woman's punch? Even with all those muscles?” PSA: Domestic violence is not a joke, please seek professional help if you or someone you know are dealing with one. 

“Hey listen she's not your average girl okay? She used to be the badass tomboy who beat up guys bigger than him. Besides you should see her biceps, they're huge”, Chaewon can't hear you but she is certainly not happy with the smiles that's forming on your face. “I would love to, is this an invitation for me to join your reunion?” Ahhhh shit, what did you just do? “Well”, You look back at Chae and are surprised seeing her hostile glare, “Maybe not today”, You're not sure why she's mad but you think it's best not to ask it for now. “Well, hopefully I can meet her soon. I'll see you tomorrow okay babe? Pick me up for the date please, you can buy some used car with the money they gave you for the bullet wounds”, You can't concentrate on what she's saying and hurriedly end the call before walking to Chaewon.

“The cab will be here soon”, Oh no, she's using her cold angry voice again, “O-okay”, The two of you awkwardly stand there waiting for the cab. Throughout the whole ride Chaewon was looking out the window trying to calm herself down. However the moment she hears you typing on your phone she immediately turns to you and lets out a vicious glare. Feeling your life might be in danger you put down your phone. Anxiousness starts to rise within you, it's not the first time you see her this mad but it's still terrifying.

What the fuck did I do now? Chae only got this mad when I did something stupid and hurt myself. Think Mark, think. Whatever it is, I should try to apologise once we get home.

The two of you silently walk back to your apartment, as soon as you walk in you hear Chaewon slam the door behind you. “Put it there”, She pointed at the floor, you obediently put down the groceries trying to find words to calm her down and inquire on what you did wrong. “Who was it?” Her voice, cold and piercing just like her eyes, “Who was what?” That's not an answer, so she walks towards you and pushes you to the wall. “Who were you talking to on the phone? The whole day you were busy talking with someone. Throughout our fucking date you were just chatting with someone else. Do you not respect me at all? Your girlfriend is in front of you yet you were busy with whoever it was in your phone”, Alright, what the fuck?

Let's break this down, first she doesn't like you talking to someone, which is understandable since it was pretty rude to be busy with your phone while you're hanging out with someone else. Then she says date, you didn't think it was a date, friendly date possibly but isn't that just a hangout? Lastly, girlfriend, this one actually takes you out of it. Hearing her referring to herself as your girlfriend is not something you ever thought you'll hear. This time, after a year of spiritual journey, you actually don't want to hear her say that.

“Chae?” Seeing that you're not answering she just digs her nails into your arm. “ANSWER ME. Who was it? And don't fucking lie to me”, Her voice echoes throughout the whole room, yet it feels so distant, as if this whole thing is just a dream to you. “That's…. I…. I was talking to my girlfriend”, Chae was about to scream back saying you weren't talking to her enough, then she realised you weren't referring to her. “Your. Girlfriend?” Her face contorted as she spat those words, “I guess I haven't mentioned her yet. Her name is-”, Your words are interrupted by her slap. 

"Girlfriend?" she spat, her voice laced with disbelief that morphed into a chilling possessiveness. "Don't lie to me, babe. You're mine. You've always been.”, Words are stuck on your throat, after years of following her shadow with the hope of getting a whiff of her warmth you managed to get it at the worst possible time. The name ‘babe’ rings like a distant lullaby, those words that you crave from her felt like venom to you now. “Chae when I was there I got close with Minju. We-”, Her hand flies quickly to grab your mouth, silencing your words that's about to break her delusion. “No, that's not right at all babe. I see now, you're confused and tired. Serving there must've been very tiring for you babe. You were just homesick and miss me, yeah let's get you some rest babe”

Chae leaned and kissed your cheek, yet her eyes are challenging you to refute her words. “No, Chae I have-”, The second slap was much more painful than the first one, because this time she put her back on it. “Baby I really think you're just tired, come on let's get you to your bed. You must've missed sleeping on your bed right? I'll accompany you, we can eat lunch later”, Chae grabbed both of your hands, tugging them for you to follow her to the bedroom. “No Chae, she's real. Minju is very lovely you'll like her”, This whole situation was so odd for you that you're also in denial of Chaewon's transformation. 

Chaewon's eyes narrow, trying to pierce through your skull to inspect your mind, then a humourless laugh escapes her mouth. “I see now, you had a rebound girl while you were away. I don't think I appreciate that babe, but for now let's get you to rest. I can punish you after you get some sleep”, The room was silent as if it was waiting in horror to see your next move. “No Chae……. I love her. I love Minju”, Your muscles stiffen, trying to brace for her next slap. Yet it never came, there was only silence.  “Love her?”

Alright, stop denying, you know what's happening right now. “Chae I-”,  You were once again interrupted by her, this time with her lips that aggressively crashed into yours and sealed it shut. This is it, the dream you've always wanted to achieve, a kiss from the girls that has held your heart for years now. Yet the kiss brought a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. On one hand, it ignited a dormant flame within you, a spark of the yearning you'd harboured for Chae for years. The warmth of her lips, the familiar scent of her hair, it all felt like a dream come true, a gift from god for all the good things you've done. On the other hand the sweetness was quickly tainted by the bitter reality. Your heart, now entwined with Minju's, ached with guilt and betrayal. This wasn't supposed to happen. Chae had friend-zoned you, leaving you to move on and build a new life. This sudden shift, this desperate claim of ownership, it sent your mind reeling. 

Is this the Chae you know? The one who has explicitly told you that the two of you can never work? Or was that Chae a fake one? You've never heard those words outside the notes she left you. Perhaps those notes are just her denial of the feelings she actually had for you. Denial that was hidden by the guilt she had for using you all this time? Is this confusion you're having is just a pathetic rationalisation for your own feelings for her? Was Minju truly just a rebound girl? Did you leave your heart here with Chae this whole time and only notice it now that you're back with her?

So many questions yet no answer. You didn't try to think of an answer, after all there's a fight going on within you right now. Your body has been yearning for these moments and responded instinctively. Your heart screaming with protest as it was being torn apart by the guilt you harbour for Minju. Each agonising second felt like an eternity. You wanted to pull away, to break free from this confusing entanglement. Yet with each second passing Chae's grip tightened, her kiss becoming desperate, almost pleading. It was like witnessing a damsel in distress, someone drowning in a sea of their own obsession, and a part of you, the part that once loved her fiercely, wanted to save her.

“Haaaaa”, Finally she broke the kiss, her head pressing against yours, her hand still tightly gripping on to your collar. Her eyes are filled with ecstasy, she's in a trance, for a moment you wonder if this is what you would look like if she kissed you before you left. “You're mine babe, you're mine and mine alone”, A hushed whisper can be heard flowing out of her mouth. The kiss, it was a culmination of all the obsession and longing she has for the last year. Your absence in her life was a hellfire for her loneliness, forging her into this, thing. Day by day her longing got more and more intense until it slowly turned into a need. Now that you're here those feelings only become more intense, like a sword that has finished sharpening and ready to be used.

While she was lost in the vortex of her own emotions you finally connected the dots. Despite her rejection she has explicitly said that she has special feelings for you. A love that was strong in every way but romantically. However it would change once she finally broke free of her chain, of the collar her boyfriend has put on her. Lost, confused, exiled, her only source of hope was you. After all her friend left her the only person she can rely on was you. Yet you were already gone, left to find your own love. Of course, that's why she is still here, living in your apartment with the thought that you two can reconcile after you return. Funny how life works, Chaewon finally has the same feeling you've been ‘hiding’ from her for years just right after you lost those feelings. 

“You know you love me babe. Whoever that Minju girl is, she's irrelevant. We belong together, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you for so long. I promise I'll make it up to you. Just be patient okay babe, after all we have our whole life to be together. Nothing can separate us anymore, I love you”

“I-”, NO! 

Your mind managed to take control of your body before you answered her. “I...” Chaewon smiles thinking you were just too shy to say it back. “Chae, it's too late”, Desperately you tried to bury back those feelings, you can't hurt Minju, and for some reason there's this voice warning you that whatever Chae is feeling right now, it's dangerous. “Baby, you know how much you hurt me by saying that”, Her face formed a disappointed frown as her tone turned sour, her eyes turned glassy as if she was about to burst into tears. “I can't Chae, I'm sorry”, It hurts seeing her like this as well, you never thought you'd make her cry by rejecting her. 

“You don't mean that pup, I can see it in your eyes. You didn't move on and I know it. You have loved me for years already, how can you just let go of all those feelings in just one year”, Her vulnerable tone and pained expression was nothing but a calculated move. Loyalty and charity, those are your two strong suits, and she knows acting hurt and vulnerable would be an easy way to change your mind. “I….. I can't Chae”, She also knows, despite your physical growth, mentally you wouldn't even hurt a fly.

“Why are you lying to me pup? I can feel your body is calling for me”, Her hand slips inside your sweater. As her cold and slender fingers feel up your abs you can't help but feel like the inside of your stomach is twisting. This is all you ever wanted yet it terrifies you. “You've grown pup, I like it”, With inhuman strength she just ripped apart your flimsy sweater. “Chaewon no”, You try to stop her, your mind does,  but your body is much more honest. “Did she do this to you?” Chae pressed her finger towards the hickey you had on your collarbone, “Chae stop this”, You pleaded again, but your words aren't coming through to her. “I'll hide it babe, I'll hide it with my make so you'll forget that whore”, Chae leaned in and bite on your collarbone.

The pain, you're not even sure if it was physical or emotional. Out of all the way that you could have her you never expected that it would be done through, rape. Is this rape? Do you truly hate this? “Who was that?” Your phone buzzed making Chaewon stop her marking session. “I-”, She didn't bother waiting for your answer before rushing through your pocket and finding your phone. The name Minju was written on the screen showing she just texted you something. “Forget about her”, Chae throws away your phone before diving back to your shoulder. 

I don't want this. I don't want this at all.

You pushed her away but it was so weak she barely moved. “Stop doing that”, She mumbles as she continues biting you. “Chae stop this please”, You push her again but this time you managed to put some power into it. She doesn't budge, her teeth still hooked into your flesh refusing to let you go. “Chaewon stop”, Finally raise your voice, she stops biting you yet her body is still pressing you to the wall. “Baby, I need you to stop playing so hard to get okay? I know you want this”, Come on tell her no, tell her she's wrong. “See, you need to stop lying to me”, Her hand caressed your bulge, “I know you more than you know yourself”, She whispered in your ear.

Do I actually want this? Was I overreacting when I call this rape? Chaewon would never do that. She's a kind and loving person. She would never do anything to hurt me. Right?

She fucking gaslight you so easily? “My god, you're so big baby”, You glanced down and realised Chaewon was already kneeling in front of you, your pants already pulled down exposing your cock. “Chae”, She smiles, your tone is much more meek now, she knows she got you by the, well, balls. “It's okay babe, I'll be gentle”, Her slender fingers gently wrapped around your cock as her lips kissed your tip. Your body shivers with the sensation, her gentle touch was enough to make you leak some precum. Chaewon smiles proudly, “I'm flattered babe, you've been missing me too right?” Her tongue sticks out and licks your tip. 

The more she licks the more you leak out. Her hand starts stroking you as she licks your cock like a lollipop, savouring the taste of your precum. Not long after that she kissed your tip again before pushing it into her mouth. “Ohhh fuck”, You moan, her mouth was too small for it and despite her best effort she can only go halfway. Feeling defeated she pulls away before spitting onto your shaft, her hand continues stroking and coats your cock with her saliva. If she can't take all of your length she will be creative. So as her head bobs up and down her hand jerks you off with the lubricant she just applied. Wet sloppy noise echoes throughout the room, accompanied by the sounds of your grunt and moans. 

“Chae, fuck”, Feeling your cock starts to throb she got even more intense. Her hand and head go in sync as she tries to milk you. “Chae, I'm cumming”, Your hips buckled forward forcing Chae to choke on your cock as you unload down her throat. The sensation of your thick and warm cum travelling down her throat gives Chae a sense of victory. Her eyes never leave yours for a second and she watches every single emotion you went through this whole time. She knows, you can't run from her.

“You taste so good babe”, She moaned once she pulled out your cock. Then she just let it rest on top of her small and pale white face, a view so arousing yo8r body starts screaming for round two. “Chae, I-”, It only took five seconds and your guilt already came back, this displeases her. “Come here baby, let's continue this in our bed”, She stood up and grabbed your hand. Now that your mind is clear, the post nut clarity should help you make your decision. Should you run now? Or should you just let yourself fall deeper into this, abyss.

“Come on babe”, Realising you're second guessing yourself, Chaewon grabbed your hand using both of her own while using her cute and innocent face. She hates to do this, she really does, because right now she's using a strategy that her ex used on her. “I……” Yet seeing you falter made her happy, there's always a silver lining in everything. Right now, she won't mind personifying her ex’s attitude if it means she gets to make you stay with her. “Hehehehehe, come on let's do a quick one babe, we can have lunch after this”, With one pull she managed to crumble down your common sense.  So you follow her, right into the dragon's nest. Inside your room you can see it's pretty much the same. The only difference was her makeup and dirty clothes that filled up the room. “I don't want to change too much, after all I want you to go back home to a familiar sight”, She smiles before pushing you to the bed. Chaewon takes off her skirt before jumping on to you. She pushes your erect cock into her stomach, “Look babe, you're gonna split me in half with this monster”

Seeing how quiet you are, Chae just takes off her top before leaning towards you. “Don't be shy babe, I know you've been dreaming for this moment for years now”, Her hand pulls yours into her breast, “Feel it babe”, She whispered in your ear. Overtaken by lust, your hand gently squeezed her tits making her moan, “Yeah baby, just like that. Don't be shy anymore okay? I know you like this as much as I do”, Chae raises her waist and aligns your cock with her wet entrance. “I love you”, And with that she lowers her waist, struggling to take your cock. “Fuck”, You grunted feeling how tight she is, “It hurts so much babe”, She moaned before leaning into your neck. “You're really gonna split me apart”, Her breath has become shaky as she continues pushing more of you into her. 

“Chae”, You whispered, “Yeah baby? Do you like it?” She bites your ear, “Take it slow” Oh no. “Hehehehehe, I'm not fragile you know”, Hearing your submission gave her a new source of energy. Her lips crashed on to yours as both of her hands hugged your head, not letting you move. As she managed to take your full length she didn't bother to rest a little and start moving. “I'll get used to this babe, I promise. We're made for each other, you and I”, She moans while her lower body is screaming in agony, but she couldn't care less. Her mind was already overtaken by lust, all those sleepless nights from missing you has caused her to have so much pent up stress. “Fuck Chae, calm down for a second”, You moaned feeling how aggressive she has become.

“No baby, you have no idea how much I miss you”, Chae presses her head against yours, you can see her eyes are filled with nothing but madness. “Those sleepless nights, all those times I woke up in the middle of the night, dreaming that you'll be there with me on our bed. Now you're back baby, and I will show you, just how much I've been missing you, how much I needed you”, She rode you even faster, making you let out a moan. “Yeah, do you like it baby? Do you like my pussy”, Chae whispered in your ears, “Grab my ass baby, I know you've always liked them”, She said before she started kissing you again.

In for a penny, in for a pound. Your hand reached down to grab her ass cheek. The first thing you noticed was how soft and smooth her skin feels, and as you squeeze them you find yourself enjoying the firmness of it. “Do you like it baby?” Chaewon moaned, “I….. do”, Chae smiled hearing your words. “Well don't be shy, use me however you like babe”, Her words are way too potent for you, “Fuck, Chae I'm about to-” Feeling your cock throbbing inside her Chae closed your mouth with her hand. “No baby, you need to hold it in”, Your eyes give her a protesting glare as Chae continues riding you. “I know it's your first time, baby, but I need you to be strong”, She loves seeing your panicked face thinking that you are having a hard time holding it in, but then you open your mouth. “It's not my first time”, Her waist sits on you as she stops moving, her eyes clearly filled with hatred.

“My baby, my innocent baby boy was corrupted by that WHORE?” Chae wanted to scream at you, to slap you for allowing yourself to get used by some whore. “Haaaaa, that bitch, I won't let her get close to you ever again”, But then she continued moving again, “Chae?” You on the other hand are struggling to hold your ejaculation, god knows what she's gonna do if you fail to follow her commands. “I guess it would be selfish for me if I wanted you to stay virgin. But that's okay right babe? Even if it's not our first time, what matters is that from now on we will only do this with each other”, Chae finds her rhythm back, riding you aggressively. Slowly the feelings turns into torture for you, “Chae I really need to-, Fuck”, Everytime you begged her she would just bite your chest, “You can hold om just a little more right babe? I want to finish with you so wait for me a little more baby”, Chae gives you a cute pouting expression, completely contrasting how her lower body is riding you like an animal. 

“Fuck Chae, please?” You whined again, this time you lost control of your face making it contort into a pathetic pleading expression. “Haaaaa, you look so cute like that”, Of course this whole thing is about the power play with Chae. She loves seeing you struggle and suffer just so you can please her. “Chae please?” you whined, “Call me babe”, Chae feels her orgasm is building up as well. “Babe, let me cum please?” Oh yeah, she's awakening a new kink right now, “Tell me you love me”, She whispered in your ears. “I love you babe”, You can feel Chae start shaking, “Tell me you'll leave that whore for me”, Last change bucko, will your rational mind return? “I will leave her for you babe, I love you”, Guess not.

“Haaaaa, then cum baby, cum inside me. Fill me up with your love please”, Hearing your total submission sends her over the edge. As your cum starts to shoot inside her, Chae kisses you again, desperately biting onto your lips as she's also having her orgasm. Your mind went blank for a moment as it short-circuited. “Haaaaa, haaaaa, haaaaa, welcome back baby, I love you”, Chae kissed your cheeks as the two of you were catching your breath. “Can you, get off me Chae?” She shakes her head, “Call me babe okay? I'm your girlfriend now so I need you to call me your baby from now on”, On top of that she kinda likes having your dick inside her. “Baby, can you get off me?” But of course, being the perfect girlfriend she will do anything to please you.

You tried to stand up when she got off of you but her hand immediately grabbed onto yours. “Where are you going?” Her voice filled with annoyance and a tiny hint of threat. “I need to wash up”, Her smile came back as she stood up with you, “Then let's have a shower together, I'll clean you babe”, She wrapped her arm around yours and pulled you to the bathroom. Once the two of you finished the shower Chae pulled you back to the bathroom and cuddled up with you. Her head rests on top of your shoulder as her finger is drawing around on your chest.

Now, how do you deal with this situation? Would you pick her over Minju? Or would you come clean to Minju that you just cheated on her. Your mind wanders around to the countless times you spend the night with Minju. Her warmth, her smile, her….. love, do they feel the same as what Chaewon is doing to you? Those memories hit you like a truck, alongside it are the guilt that just tearing you apart. Looking down at Chae, you see her smile at you before moving on to caress your hair. It really does feel like a fever dream, having her like this with you. Maybe it was a sign, Chaewon is just a dream and Minju is the reality? 

Your conflicted expression doesn't escape Chae, she knows that you're having second thoughts again. It pisses her off, but she doesn't want to push you too much, after all her ex tends to use a much more delicate approach when she's being, defiant. “Baby, I feel so tired right now. You really did a number on me you know?” She wrapped her arm around you, caressing your cheek and pulling your head closer to hers so she can kiss the other one. It feels wrong, her touch, this all feels so, artificial. You stay quiet, trying to organise your mind. Chae sighed before she cuddled up closer to you, “Let's get some rest baby. You said you just got off the plane this morning right? Get some sleep baby, I'll order us food for later”, Her leg wrapped around your waist. You of course managed to read between the lines, “You are not leaving here”

“Meow”, Luna? Where did that little shit throughout all this? “Come here Luna”, Chae said, Luna jumps up onto your bed and comfortably snuggles into Chaewon's torso. Huh, that's weird, is this an omen? Chae looks at your bewildered face and starts letting Luna, “I told you I'll make her enjoy my cuddles” And I'll do the same to you, babe.

[ftmtftm]

This isn't something I have fully articulated thoughts on yet but honestly? I really do think that transandrophobia and the way people who talk about their experiences with it are isolated is, in part, why transmedicalism existed (exists still? I'm very detached from that discourse now) as a primarily trans man/trans masc dominated ideology.

I'm going to share my own experience and I can only speak for myself here, but when I was a really isolated late teen/early 20-something dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma re: my assault (that happened as a result of me coming out as trans to an ex), some immediate family's reaction to my transition being "well why can't you just be a masculine woman", and frustration about not being able to medically transition yet combined with the mid-2010's pressure to be a non-threatening feminine soft boy, I got sucked into transmedicalism.

I do want to be upfront and recognize a lot of my feelings at the time were a trauma response and projection. I recognize this now but I had no resources to recognize that then. I just want to make it clear from the start that I know my own thinking was flawed, that's why I'm reflecting on it openly so others can potentially recognize something that resonates here within themselves and grow.

Getting back into it though- I felt really triggered all the time in general trans spaces because of that 2010's culture. I felt pressured to be feminine or a woman in trans spaces online, just like I did around my ex or at home. I didn't want to undercut my masculinity or manhood for other people's comfort, especially not for other trans people who I felt should've understood. In contrast to this though, transmedicalist spaces and the trans men within them DID actually offer the support I was asking for. I was actually given space to talk about my assault and the pressures I was experiencing with a bunch of other trans men/trans mascs who understood it for the first time, ever really.

The idea of "there is a medical explanation for gender dysphoria that can be treated with medical transition" was also really comforting to my traumatized mind that kept thinking "if I'm open about my assault someone is going to accuse me of just being traumatized and not actually trans, if medicine is on my side I can prove them wrong" Which - let me be clear again - was a very traumatized way of thinking. I do not think that way anymore thanks to therapy and cultivating a healthier relationship with my body and gender and transness. I was not the only trans man with a history of assault that felt this way in the transmed community at the time though.

And I'm not justifying any of this ideologically right? Like. Transmedicalism is fundamentally flawed and incorrect in many of its ideas about sex, gender, and gender identity. Many people who believe in transmed ideology spout some absolutely horrible, transphobic bullshit on the regular and often align their ideology with conservatism and TERFs. I'm not here to defend transmedicalism.

What I am saying is this: It makes sense that a group of ostracized individuals who felt like they had no space to express their traumas would cling onto transmedicalism because it was the only ideological community giving them space to talk about it. Hate movements thrive on preying upon those kinds of vulnerable, traumatized people.

I'm just thinking about a lot of the friends I met via transmedicalism back then and now they're all either TERFs with a lot of repressed trauma and internalized transphobia that I've since cut off completely or they had a similar realization to myself and discovered their attachment to transmedicalism was rooted in trauma and a desire for trans masc community, addressed it, and now they live much healthier, happier lives.

I'm losing steam fast thinking about all of this because recounting trauma takes a physical toll on one's body BUT tl;dr I really do think if we had healthier spaces to address trans male/trans masculine traumas within the wider trans community via conversations about transandrophobia back 5+ years ago we wouldn't fully be here now wrt: how large transmedicalism became as a movement. I genuinely think I wouldn't have been sucked into that space if there had been more resources and space to talk about the experiences I was having, all of which are things people naming transandrophobia are trying to address in healthy manners.

I think healthy, open, conversations about transandrophobia in wider community spaces can do so much good to protect people who were in vulnerable positions like I was and can absolutely potentially prevent more people from getting sucked into the false support offered by hate movements within our own community.

[pinkanonwrites]

Thinking about the concept of cloth or soft things in general being considered luxury to cybertronians, and just imagining one using their holoform to enter a bedroom for the first time. There a big soft berth that sinks under their weight, an entire pile of warm insulating plush fabric, and even more small soft pads that they put their heads on! Could you imagine their reaction to a carpeted room? They even put soft things on the ground they walk on! It would be like looking at one of ridiculously luxurious mansions that are so loaded up with fancy things that it almost looks like a parody

This conjured up a little idea in me with ROTB Mirage, enjoy!

"Watch your shoulders on the-!"

CRUNCH

"...Door frame." So much for getting your deposit back. Mirage shot you a crooked grin, brushing some of the sheet-rock dust off of his shoulder pauldron.

"Sorry 'bout that, sweetspark. No big deal, you can patch that up no problem!"

When Noah had told you that Mirage was able to change his size you had only partially believed him. After all, according to his own stories, the Mirage that was barely larger than Noah in Peru had also had several significant pieces blasted off of his gargantuan frame. And yet, here he was. Fully repaired, mass-shifted to a mere seven-and-a-half feet tall. And sure, he still had to stoop to avoid taking out your ceiling fan. But here he was, in your meager apartment.

It was an equally unfamiliar locale for Mirage himself, having only caught peeks of your living quarters from the alleyway outside. The shag carpet was plush under his pedes, ridiculously soft to the touch. And sure, he'd owned a few of his own garments back in the Towers, in pre-war time, but it still paled in comparison to your room with its thick curtains, fluffy carpeting, and the dozen or so plush organic creatures littering your bed.

"Do you wanna listen to something? You can sit on the bed, if you want. You're probably too big for my desk chair." You were already rifling through your tapes, gesturing to the bed with your free hand and currently oblivious to Mirage's wide-optic stare. He took a careful seat on the edge and Primus, the entire mattress sunk and molded around his bulky frame. It was heavenly. He took one of your stuffed animals between his servos and squeezed, marveling at the squish.

"Man, I can't believe y'all live like this!" He laughed, draping himself backwards onto your bed with a warning creak. "It's comfy, that's for sure. But I don't think I could sleep on somethin' like this. It might swallow me up mid-recharge. And what's with all these little soft organics?"

"Says the guy who sleeps on the floor of a garage. I'd have aches in muscles I didn't even know existed." You pressed Talking Heads 'Speaking In Tongues' into the player with a familiar click, the beginning lick of Burning Down The House echoing through the tinny speaker as you flopped down next to Mirage. "And you're strangling Hello Kitty. They're cute, and soft, and that's kind of all there is to it? Kids like to play with them, too."

"Huh! Cute. Seems like your style. The whole hab seems like your style, actually. All soft and shit. " He handed you back your slightly-dented Hello Kitty, letting out a lazy ex-vent as his arm wrapped around your shoulders. "Well what should we do now?~ You got me all the way up into your berth, aren't you gonna do somethin' about it?"

You barked out a laugh, turning your head to see Mirage's playfully smarmy grin aimed down at you. "Was that your ploy? Show off your cool alien shape-shifting just so you could get in my bed?"

"That depends. Is it working?~"

"Maybe.~"

[balioc]

Thinking about your hero/maiden/monster trinary again; it really spoke to something lodged very deeply in my soul. I'm pretty sure I'll do something centered on it at some point.

Specifically I'm thinking about how really laying the trinary bare and analyzing it seriously - fully acknowledging its basic arch-regressiveness but also studying it on its own terms and exploring the possibility space of building interesting variance or subversion on that foundation - really puts to shame the pop feminist media criticism that's seemed to me for much of my life to be increasingly hegemonic. This movement, I think, is rooted in possibly-deliberate failure to understand the hero/maiden/monster trinary, and specifically the maiden role.

Funnily enough, I remember experiencing a similar distaste for/discomfort with/"interrogation" of the maiden role when I was a small child, but this was very clearly my own culturally enforced gender-insecure girls-are-icky-ness talking. I think pop feminism does something very similar but for different reasons, exaggerating the passivity of the maiden role (and throwing in a whole lot of empty mockery, highlighting bad or just tired writing) to build a case that it's a degrading, inferior role that adds nothing to the narrative. Although this memeplex is commonly accepted at basically face value even by people who don't generally consider themselves aligned with pop feminism, it does strike me as a very bad thing for someone's ability to comprehend and create narrative.

Once you've actually comprehended the hero/maiden/monster trinary, the popular refrain that the maiden can be replaced with an inanimate object rings entirely hollow; it's no truer of the maiden than it is of either of the other two roles. The inanimate maiden is the MacGuffin, sure, the golden idol that the hero and the monster are both trying to get. But the inanimate hero is just the deus ex machina, the chandelier that falls on the monster and lets the maiden escape, and the inanimate monster is just the crisis, the well that the maiden's fallen down and the hero needs to get her out of. This monomyth still "works" in maidenless form just like it still "works" in heroless or monsterless form. Perhaps it reflects on the shallowness with which popular media has approached the maiden that popular media critics don't see what value she adds to the story - but I think it notably also reflects on the immaturity of the popular media critics, that they're only able to perceive the bluntest and most kinetic interactions in the story (those between hero and monster), not the exquisitely artfully subtler touches the maiden brings.

...I encountered this very old ask while looking through my archives. Right at this moment I don't have a particular response to offer, but...unsurprisingly I like it, and it seemed substantive enough to be worth sharing with the class.

[weirdthinkingdragon]

Yandere Werewolf Idea

yandere male werewolf x gn reader

Thinking of a werewolf who specifically becomes yandere for someone who doesn't use colognes, perfumes, or even essential oils.

Warnings: a bit of self negativity, forced relationship (but that comes with most yandere stuff, let's be honest)

I know the idea of werewolves noses being more sensitive to smells even in their human form. That also makes me think how I'm super sensitive to those three types of things and don't wear them because even the lightest bit on friends next to me makes my eyes water and sting severely, and don't wear makeup from sensory issues of AuDHD.

Anyway, back to my thought. A man who is secretly a werewolf who is incredibly attractive to most of the public.

of course, every date or so he's been on they get all dressed up and make themselves smell good to impress, right? not for him. Every time he has to try his hardest not to recoil at the stench of whatever they put on. He can barely even hold down a few bites of his meal with them.

Every time it leads up with him asking them the reason about the smell and if they'd ever possibly put it on less often. He always gets answers of they like how it makes them smell, so probably not. and that's the last he really tries to date them.

that is until he finds a rather intoxicating smell that doesn't overpower him in a bad way. A more natural scent! He just has to meet you!

It leads to him befriending some of your friends to get more on you and finally meet you once he knows you won't get away. he wont let such a precious thing go.

Whenever you two start hanging out as really close friends, he has to hold back everything in himself to not shove his face in your neck and stay there as long as possible. Something snapped in him, and he absolutely refuses anyone else. Even other werewolves he's tried to date, but him and them just never felt what was needed to know it's meant to be.

the only problem is you refuse to date him. You've seen the way others glare at you whenever one of his arms are behind you or he grabs your hand, interlocking fingers. or even how close he likes to sit with you over anyone else. You think he can do better than you. You barely put effort into your looks most of the time after all. An ex friend even said standing next to him you look like a troll. They're still missing from several months ago.

He's not ignorant of the glares either, making him glare back at them. A feral and threatening glare that would make even the most hardened warrior shiver from.

He finally snaps though when people start trying to ask you out, and you agree to them but not him???

He follows them late at night and rips them to shreds. Literally. they're so torn up it's impossible to recognize them. It's then he also decides to show you who he truly is.

He easily enters your house from a key you gave him, still covered in blood. It's past midnight.

You immediately smell the copper and manage to sit up where you were, worried for a second that he was injured. But there were no visible wounds that would show that much blood.

You didn't even get a chance to move before he lunged and tackled you down faster than a fox with a rabbit. A drop of still-wet blood falls down onto your forehead as you look into predatory eyes a way you've never seen before. Fear enveloping your whole body that you're about to be killed next. His ragged breathing being the only thing in the silence.

You close your eyes to brace for it, but nothing happens. A large hand cups the side of your face. The wet, sticky texture of the clotting blood touching you as well.

He lets out an inhuman growl. "I tried to do this the right way. To have you be mine. For us to be happy together. I need you to be with me. I'm not giving you a choice." His hand grows to have sharp claws on it, but he doesn't fully transform. He doesn't need to. The inhuman growls rumbling in his chest were all you needed to know.

"You know what I am, and I want you. Only you. I'll rip who ever tries to get between us ever again to shreds. Just like I did them. And don't even think of trying to run. I'll easily find you no matter how far you get. And who would believe you a werewolf exists? heh."

He leans down and gives a surprisingly gentle kiss on your lips, sealing your fate.

[wolfoftheblackflames]

Help! I couldn't help myself and wrote more fluff! Enjoy ya Misfits!

Hooves and Wings:

“You have hooves?” A memory had made itself known to Charlie, who smiled fondly at a gift she was preparing.

It had been when she first met Vaggie, and the two became friends, though it was a rocky start with the angel not exactly settling down. (Cue Flashback)

It had been over several days since Charlie had rescued a cute girl by the dumpster. She hadn't noticed the golden blood until it was on the bandage over Vaggie's eye socket. “Hmm..” It made the princess curious but she decided to respect her friend's privacy. “Looks like it's healing nicely, shouldn't be too long now till you're fully recovered.” She smiled at Vaggie moving some of that short hair to the side.

“Still feels weird..” Vaggie muttered as the angel was given fresh bandages and a gauze over it. Charlie was gentle with her and smiled softly. “Yeah? Well I have something for you.” The blonde grinned slightly and took out a small box.

Vaggie tilted her head curiously, and with a nod from Charlie, the angel opened it and stared. “Esto es muy lindo..” (This is really cute.) She smirked a bit seeing the eyepatch in the box. “Thanks Charlie..” She added picking it up to examine it.

Charlie giggled. “I like making stuff so I figured I'd make this for you.” She blushed, scratching her cheek. The two were in their casual attire as Charlie playfully did some cute hand tapping on her own thighs. “There's also something else.” She added with a giggle.

Vaggie blinked and looked back into the box and found what looked to be a beautiful looking red-pink ribbon that matched the stitched in x design on the eyepatch. “You're spoiling me here…” She replied with a soft smirk.

“I couldn't help it.” Charlie gulped and rubbed her neck. “You're like the first friend I've had in a long time, so..”

“Well I'm flattered…” Vaggie smiled warmly, her eye focused on her friend.

Charlie stretched and got off the bed in the guest room. “It's getting late, I'll leave you alone so you can sleep. Good night Vaggie.” She smiled and went to her room.

What happened next surprised the demoness as she blinked hearing a knock. “It's open!” She called from her bed as she was slipping off her shoes. What greeted those ruby eyes was an adorable sight, Vaggie was in a beautiful white nightgown while holding a pillow and blanket. “Vaggie, what brings you here not that I don't mind?”

“You said we're friends right? I'm not used to it but.. Um.. Would you like to do a sleepover?” Vaggie rubbed her neck with a bit of golden hue to her cheeks.

Charlie beamed at the idea as she grinned patting the bed. “I'd love to! Just let me change into my pj's ok?”

Vaggie smiled and nodded though blinked, spying Charlie’s feet. “You have hooves?” She tilted her head.

“Y-yeah, I was about to do some cleaning actually…” Charlie blushed, lightly rubbing her neck. “Are they weird…?” She asked since before she was told they were by her douche of an ex.

“N-no, they're actually kinda cute?” Vaggie replied with an awkward smile. “It just caught me off guard seeing them, that's all…”

Charlie blinked a little surprised with a slight blush but that small crush she had on this cute woman only grew. She smiled fondly at Vaggie. “So what did you have in mind?” She giggled but then pointed to her large shelf of movies. “If it's a movie, feel free to browse my library while I go change.”

Vaggie nodded watching the princess do a light skip to the bathroom. Though once Charlie came back out in her red long sleeve pj shirt and pj pants she blinked seeing Vaggie sitting on the bed by the hoof care kit. “You've done a lot for me already, so may I help you with your hooves?” She asked as Charlie blushed slightly. “Sure..”

The two sat on Charlie’s rather large bed, though the princess fought the urge to squirm as Vaggie tickled her hooves while cleaning them. She found it cute seeing her crush so focused on the job at hand. “Pffft…. Vaggie!” She couldn't hold back a giggle. “That tickles!”

Vaggie blinked hearing Charlie snort, and it earned the princess a small laugh from her new friend. This only made Charlie crush even harder since that laugh was the cutest she's ever heard. Once their giggle fit was done Vaggie finished picking out the last of the debris from those cute red hooves. “There we go.”

Charlie giggled, flexing her hoof toes with a delightful grin. “You kept tickling me, you know?” She smirked, coming closer to Vaggie who blinked. “Time for some payback!”

“Charlie!” The angel couldn't escape the tickle barrage as she was once again a big giggle fit, with the most adorable snort. “Ack! Can't breathe!” She howled with laughter. She managed to catch her breath when Charlie looked satisfied with her tickle attack.

“You have the cutest laugh.” She grinned but blinked seeing Vaggie grumble with a small wince. “Oh sorry, did I hurt you?!” She was alert and attentive as Vaggie gave a small smile.

“No, I'm ok..”

“You sure?” Charlie gave a soft, concerned look. Vaggie giggled a bit and nodded. “Yeah.”

Charlie sighed in relief, she had been worried she aggravated the wounds. “Sorry about that though.”

Vaggie looked a little surprised but then smiled a bit and went to grab a movie. “Oh? A knight’s tale? That's a classic.”

“Yeah I like it cause the protagonist chased his dreams and achieved them.”

“Want to watch it then?” Vaggie smiled holding it up. “Yes please, I'll go grab us some popcorn!”

The two snuggled up under a blanket that was draped over their shoulders with a bowl of popcorn in Charlie's lap. Alongside them were two adorable goat dragon demons Razzle and Dazzle since who could leave those two out. Soon Charlie pushed play on their movie night. (End of flashback)

------

In the present day Charlie was grinning widely while carrying a gift box for her precious angel. “Hey Vags?” She peeked into their shared room.

“Hm?” Vaggie blinked looking back, she was casually cleaning her spear. “Oh hey sweetie.” She flashed a smile before her attention went back to the spear.

Charlie pouted a bit, but soon smirked devilishly. “I guess you're super focused right now, you don't want the gift I got you..” She stated in a playful sing-song-like tone. This caused the angel to look back at her, raising an eyebrow.

“You got something for me?”

“Yep. So could you put the spear down please?”

Vaggie shrugged and did so, she could always sharpen it after. “Alright, you have my attention, love, what is it?”

Charlie grinned and walked over carrying the box with a pretty red bow on top. “Just something I figured you needed babe.” She replied and handed Vaggie the box to open.

“Oh?” Vaggie removed the neatly wrapped bow and looked inside, she blinked, spying the gift. “Do you like it?”

“You got me a wing care kit?” She sounded surprised. Charlie grinned and nodded. “Yep, I figured since you regained your wings, I'd help you take care of them.”

Vaggie just looked at Charlie though smiled gently at her and planted a soft kiss to her wonderful girlfriend’s cheek. “Gracias mi amor..” (Thank you my love)

“I know a little bit about wings since when I was little my dad let me play with his…” Charlie replied and smiled. “Seeing how beautiful yours were, I knew for sure I'd have to get you some care stuff for them.”

Vaggie chuckled. “You spoil me, hon..” She soon brought out those gorgeous gray gradient feathered wings, which made Charlie squee. “I'm glad you like them..” She smiled a bit but then looked a little sad.

Charlie lightly cupped Vaggie's cheek, with the big secret out in the open, the princess knew why her sweet angel made such a face. “I absolutely love them, my cute song bird.” She smiled softly, lightly touching Vaggie's forehead with her own. “It makes me happy they came back because of the love we have.”

Vaggie closed her eyes with a soft smile, though her cheeks became a darker shade of gold hearing that new nickname. “Song bird?”

“Yeah, cause your wings and that beautiful voice you have love.” Charlie giggled nuzzling her. She peppered Vaggie's face and neck with kisses earning more giggles from her beautiful girlfriend. “Charlie stop, that tickles!”

The two remained close for a bit until Vaggie reluctantly pulled away. “You're such a goof..” She wiped a stray tear from her eye. “Go ahead.” Vaggie turned and stretched those wings out for Charlie while moving that long silvery hair away to expose more of the feathers and her back.

“Your goof.” The princess grinned and lightly started to run her fingers along the feathers. “Quick question?”

“Hm?”

“Does it get like… Bedroom-ish? Sorry but I'm curious.”

Vaggie rubbed her chin, though shuddered a bit when Charlie ran her fingers through the feathers near the base. “Yeah?”

“Oh.. Hehe..” Charlie had a cute grin. “OK so only in the bedroom then..” She couldn't help it as her tail popped out and started wagging a bit.

Vaggie noticed and gave a playful smirk. “You perv..” She teased making the hellborn turn red with blush.

Charlie decided to get Vaggie back for making her flustered with a soft kiss to the old scarring on her songbird's back. With both equally a blushing mess the two soon burst into laughter. Vaggie smiled fondly as she felt Charlie being careful with her wings, giving each feather a soft comb through and lightly taking out any damaged ones. “Ooo!” Charlie grinned, having some old feathers in her hands. “I kinda wanna turn these into stuffing for pillows…”

Vaggie snorted. “Of course you'd say that..” She chuckled, shaking her head. “What having a pillow that smells like you would be nice?” This only earned more laughter from Vaggie who held her stomach.

Charlie grinned, hearing that laugh she loved so much. She tried to continue, but Vaggie was in a cute giggle fit. “Vaggie, if you keep moving, I can't apply the oil!”

“Sorry, but the thought of you cuddling a pillow stuffed with my feathers is too cute..”

Charlie pouted but rolled her eyes smiling waiting for Vaggie to settle down. “That's the coverts done.” She stated making Vaggie look at her.

“Since when did you know wing terminology babe?”

“Uh, I.. Well I looked up how to care for wings beforehand…”

Vaggie blinked but smiled. “You planned this for a while huh?”

Charlie nodded softly, she smiled cutely as her fingers gently combed through the tertiary feathers. “Yeah… You always work so hard to take care of me and the hotel. I wanted to do the same back..”

“You do though..” Vaggie looked back and smiled.

“How so?” Charlie blinked as she couldn't help but be curious.

Vaggie thought for a moment then smiled. “You gave me a place to call home when I was torn away from Heaven..” She stated fidgeting a bit. “I'm not proud of who I was, I always felt so guilty about killing your people Charlie…” Charlie blinked but remained quiet as she went to the secondary feathers next. “Being an Exorcist, it was strange but I had a place there, even if the praises sent shivers down my spine.”

Charlie blinked but soon brought her tail to lightly hold Vaggie's wrist while her fingers carefully aligned those feathers. “Honestly I never really had many friends until I met you.” The angel continued finding comfort in the small gesture. “I had one job, to be a murderous killing machine..”

“Vaggie…” Charlie's heart ached for her girlfriend. Sure the secret did hurt her, but she gave a soft look. “You were scared to tell me weren't you? You basically didn't bother to correct me when I thought you were a sinner..”

“Yeah…”

Charlie dipped her head down and nuzzled into Vaggie's hair giving her girlfriend a soft kiss on top. “What happened to you then?”

Vaggie blinked but sighed. “I don't exactly like talking about it..” She muttered, looking away. “But I'll try..”

“Vaggie, you don't really have to say anything..” Charlie replied lightly, reaching over to take her hand.

“I do hon, it'll eat away at me if I don't.”

“But..”

Vaggie gave that hand a gentle squeeze. “One request please…” She sounded a little hesitant. “Anything love?”

“I like your hands… Could you keep roaming them on my wings, please? It relaxes me..”

Charlie nodded and continued her work. She looked worried at how nervous Vaggie looked. Her mind drifted back to her once, saying, “If I can't help you, then what's the point of me?” The princess gave another comforting kiss to her songbird's wing, this time making the angel relax more.

“You remember how we met, babe?” Vaggie's gaze drifted to a photo of the two together. “I do, it was horrible, you were so hurt…”

Vaggie steeled herself and took a soft breath. “I came down from heaven that day, and the guilt took over when I chased a child sinner to an alley… I let them go.” She stated as Charlie gasped.

The angel raised her hand to stop Charlie from speaking. “You won't like the next part..” She looked at her loving princess. “Do you… Still want to hear it?”

“Yes…” Charlie gave her a soft gaze. She loved Vaggie more than anything, even when the secret was revealed and she was hurting, Charlie didn't deny that deep in her heart, it already belonged to this wonderful person in front of her, her talk with Rosie reassured it tenfold.

Vaggie blinked, seeing that loving kind glint in those ruby eyes. She smiled softly, though her old wounds began to ache at the mention of the next part. “Okay…” Vaggie took a soft breath. “Next thing I knew, someone was behind me, and with much brutality, my eye was taken..”

Vaggie felt the heat from Charlie's demonic form, yet continued knowing it would piss off her beloved even more. “I was in shock and fell to my knees, and in a quick second I saw who it was, someone who I thought was a friend, but no she was petty and always had it out for me.” Venom dripped from her words as Vaggie gritted her teeth. “Lute, Adam's right hand bitch.”

Charlie stared and growled. “And she also ripped off your wings?! All because you spared a child?!” She moved her hands back and dug her claws into her own palms.

Vaggie looked at Charlie and blinked seeing those beautiful hands starting to drip blood. “Hon..” She gently took those hands. “I plan to settle the score next time I see that asshole.” She smirked looking determined.

Charlie looked at her with deep demonic red eyes. “Yeah, and I know you'll kick her ass. But love, we stick together ok?” She loosened her hands letting Vaggie hold them. “I don't want you getting hurt anymore.”

“Hey..” Vaggie lifted those hands up and kissed the palms. “I don't plan on dying in the battle with heaven, babe.” She then got up and picked up her spear. Charlie blinked, still fully demonic as she saw her beautiful angel do a small kneel, which reminded her of the knight from one of her favorite movies. “O-oh!” Charlie blinked, seeing her beloved take her hand and kiss the knuckles. “Sorry but I also plan to protect my home with everything I've got as well.”

Charlie couldn't help but swoon at Vaggie, who looked incredibly dashing right now. “Geez, someone's feeling theatrical today, I guess I rubbed off on you.” She teased but smiled warmly gently pulling Vaggie up from her kneeling. “You even remembered our first sleepover movie.”

Vaggie blushed but smiled at Charlie, though it was replaced with a cheeky grin as she set down her spear again. “Yeah, but I also remember this too.” Her deft hands came to Charlie’s sides and easily tickled her princess, sending the demoness into a laughing fit. “Nooo!”

This caused Charlie to revert back and whine as she howled with laughter. “Revenge.” Vaggie grinned as she let up the tickle barrage when Charlie tapped out. “Meanie…”

“You love it though.”

“True, now we have a big day of training tomorrow, shall we go to sleep?”

“Don't forget your hooves, hon..” Vaggie stated with a soft smile. “Oh, it's been so busy I almost forgot, thanks love.” Charlie flashed a cute grin. She then rewarded Vaggie with a loving kiss to the cheek.

“Go you goof…” Vaggie playfully shooed her away as Charlie giggled. The two then started their nightly routine, it was one of the last peaceful moments they were able to share before the big battle with Heaven.

[ya-zz]

hiya! :-)

can i request a rammattra, zenyatta, or genji (whoever you think fits best) x gn reader who's a cyborg with a gothic little balljoint porcelain doll appearence? maybe a little edward scissorhands-y in their mannerisms and personality (doesn't really talk much, curious and full of wonder about the most mundane things, a bit socially tone deaf, and usually seen as a creepy weirdo despite in reality being more akin to a batty puppy dog overall)?

also optional bonus heavy angst idea you don't have to include: reader admitting that they didn't actually want to be a cyborg when they technically died naturally of a chronic illness, but their ex brought them back from the brink of death against their expressed wishes and now reader has episodes where they have to grapple with the fact they're still alive and how different their body is now.

totally alright if this is too much and no worries if you don't wanna write it! i hope you have a swell day! :-D

Hooo boy, this one took a lil longer to get to, work be testing me at the moment, but anyway- I broke it up into small pieces for each character, hope that's okay!

Everything is under the cut and they all have varying word counts. The first section is the same for each, it's bold and italic.

Ramattra

Your appearance was something neither three had ever seen before. They stared at you with a mix of emotions. Mainly awe and curiosity. Omnics had their defaulted looks, they all did. Each series a different kind but the same look, but you… You were unique. 

Zenyatta and Genji were talking, Ramattra sitting by his brothers side trying to ignore the ninja’s ramblings. It was supposed to be a meditation session, but of course, the ninja had other ideas and proceeded to gloat about his renewed and blossoming relationship with his brother. When you stumbled upon the three, looking helpless like a lost puppy, they averted their attention to you. 

Genji was the first to make a noise, a sound of surprise as his eyes widened while he looked you up and down. Zenyatta and Ramattra stayed silent, their orbs the only other sound in the room. When your voice broke through the awkwardness, the three men stand. 

“I don’t suppose you could help me find my way to the garden?” You asked, voice a little shaky and staticky. 

Ramattra stepped forward, offering a hand. 

“I will escort you.” He bowed his head slightly before bidding Zenyatta and his pet human goodbye and leaving the room with you following behind. 

The silence was comfortable yet Ramattra couldn’t help but wonder about you. 

“You are different from the others.” He states, not deterring from the path nor his speed. 

There was a hum in response and the omnic looks down at you. He notices you’re looking forward, seemingly in your own world as you walk beside him. 

“Do you have a name?” He asks.

He’s met with silence.

Ramattra silently sighs. Not one for conversation, huh? 

Instead of talking, he looks over you once more. The model make and number appears in his HUD, a rare and unique model and quite expensive too. One would be lucky to even afford such a delicate piece of equipment. 

He’s curious, and rightly so. Who and why? A ball-jointed omnic, no, you seem too human to be an omnic. You’re an anomaly Ramattra can’t wrap his system around. He goes back to his initial thinking; a ball-jointed omnic is wandering about the area, you look like a doll. A fully functioning toy doll. A kid would love to grasp and pull at you if it had the chance. 

He thinks for a moment. A collectors toy, that is what you look like. The larger omnic looks back over at you and it makes more sense to him, but he doesn’t speak out loud. You look like a doll that should be sitting on a shelf, encased with glass, one for people to look at. 

“You keep staring at me.” 

Ramattra shifts, looking forward again. “My apologies. I am merely curious about you.”

“You wouldn’t be the first.” 

“I will not be the last, it seems.” He huffs, looking out of the window as you both pass it. 

“No, you won’t be.” 

“Are you always this…” 

“This, what? Straight? Yes.” 

“I see.” Ramattra feels the tension in the air and stays silent. He pushed the wrong way and made you uncomfortable, but he dismisses the feeling as he pushes forward and opens the door towards the garden. “Here you go.” 

It’s like a switch had flipped instantly, your mood heightens as you practically run past him and out into the community garden. With the sun beaming down onto your arms, your face warming up, it felt like a dream. It had been too long since you had seen natural beauty and after hearing that this was the place to see it, you made your way here. 

Ramattra watches on, catching you staring at the bark on the trees, hands gently touching the ridges, feeling the coarse and damp wood. It had been raining two hours prior, the soil beneath your feet still soggy as your feet sunk into the dirt. There wasn’t a care in the world at that moment and Ramattra felt himself admiring the kid like excitement within you. 

Hey stays by the door, arms crossed over his chest as he keeps an eye on you. Hands playing with the leaves upon the tree, gently fingers grazing the flower petals. Knees and feet caked in mud, joints becoming sticky and grinding against each other, but you did not care. 

This… This is what you came here to do. To be free, to study… To be yourself.

Genji

Your appearance was something neither three had ever seen before. They stared at you with a mix of emotions. Mainly awe and curiosity. Omnics had their defaulted looks, they all did. Each series a different kind but the same look, but you… You were unique. 

Zenyatta and Genji were talking, Ramattra sitting by his brothers side trying to ignore the ninja’s ramblings. It was supposed to be a meditation session, but of course, the ninja had other ideas and proceeded to gloat about his renewed and blossoming relationship with his brother. When you stumbled upon the three, looking helpless like a lost puppy, they averted their attention to you. 

Genji was the first to make a noise, a sound of surprise as his eyes widened while he looked you up and down. Zenyatta and Ramattra stayed silent, their orbs the only other sound in the room. When your voice broke through the awkwardness, the three men stand. 

“I don’t suppose you could help me find my way to the garden?” You asked, voice a little shaky and staticky. 

Genji did not hesitate at all as he practically jumped towards you. 

“I’ll go with you! Come on!” His arm wrapped around your shoulders while he escorted you out of the room and down the hallway. “So, what made you come here?” His voice was sweet and excited. You didn’t know why, but it felt comfortable. 

“I heard there was natural beauty here.” 

“Ah! The garden!” Genji exclaimed. “Yes! We would usually meditate outside but it is raining. Perhaps the rain has finally let up.”

“You were meditating?” 

“We were. Well, Zenyatta and Ramattra were, but I had news I wanted to share with my master.”

“Your ‘master’?” 

Genji nods as he walks alongside you. “Zenyatta. After a life changing altercation with my brother, Zenyatta practically took me in and guided me on the right path.”

“You’re talking about your appearance?” 

Genji nods once again and perhaps thats where it clicked with him. He felt drawn to you because you were similar to him. He could feel it. “My brother tried to kill me. Family issues and such, I won’t bore you with the details.”

You shake your head. “I was the same. Not with family, but my lover. I was on deaths door, chronic illness, I wanted to die, but he had other plans… And here I am now.” 

“Did it take awhile to get used to it? It did for me.” Genji softens his voice, tone apologetic. 

“Yes. I felt numb. My mind was there, but feeling wasn’t. I screamed, cried, shouted, anything, you name it. I didn’t ask for this.” 

“Nobody would ask for this. They should’ve respected your wishes.” His hand rests on your back, just below your neck, resting between where your shoulder blades would be. “I am sorry to bring it back up.” 

“Don’t apologise, you didn’t know.” 

There was a comforting silence as the pair of you walked through the hallway before Genji stopped beside a door. He heard the rain outside, but pushed the door open, letting the wind hit you. 

“You don’t have to go-” Before he even finished his sentence, you were already passed him, outside in the rain. Arms outstretched, face looking up, it’s like you had never been in the rain before. Genji chuckled, hiding under the shelter as he watched on. 

The ninja watched on, his eyes not leaving your body as you’d wander the garden in the rain. For once, Genji felt comfortable being around another person, someone who was just like him. Through pain and trauma, he hopes to get close to you, to know more about you, your insecurities, flaws, what makes you, you. 

He watched as you knelt down in the mud, fingers gliding over rose petals before picking up a snail that had been passing by. He chuckled once more when he watches you place it on a nearby leaf.

Time would only tell how these two would get along, but Genji hopes the feelings will become mutual in time.

Zenyatta

Your appearance was something neither three had ever seen before. They stared at you with a mix of emotions. Mainly awe and curiosity. Omnics had their defaulted looks, they all did. Each series a different kind but the same look, but you… You were unique. 

Zenyatta and Genji were talking, Ramattra sitting by his brothers side trying to ignore the ninja’s ramblings. It was supposed to be a meditation session, but of course, the ninja had other ideas and proceeded to gloat about his renewed and blossoming relationship with his brother. When you stumbled upon the three, looking helpless like a lost puppy, they averted their attention to you. 

Genji was the first to make a noise, a sound of surprise as his eyes widened while he looked you up and down. Zenyatta and Ramattra stayed silent, their orbs the only other sound in the room. When your voice broke through the awkwardness, the three men stand. 

“I don’t suppose you could help me find my way to the garden?” You asked, voice a little shaky and staticky. 

He approached you almost silently, feet tapping gently on the ground before he extends his hand. 

“I will escort you. Follow me.” His voice was fluid for an omnic, which was soothing to your ears. Once the pair of you had left the room, just overhearing Ramattra telling Genji to shut up, Zenyatta chuckles and guides you through the halls. 

“Do not mind those two.” He states, moving his hand as he speaks. “They have been at it like children since Genji got here.” 

He hears the hum of response and takes a moment to look over you. Zenyatta’s model wasn’t as advanced as Ramattra’s, but he could do the basic scanning of people, but you… were not entirely human. 

“You are quite similar to Genji.” 

“Which one is he?” 

“The less omnic looking one. The one who sat to the left of me.” He chuckles.

“Oh, him.” There was a short pause. “How so?”

“You have mechanics within your body. You are not entirely human, are you?” He asks, head cocking to the side. 

“No.” 

“I see. I will not press, I am here to talk if you want to.” He offers, tone laced with a comforting frequency that began settling the anxiousness within you. The monk pauses for a moment before continuing. “Are you here for a reason? We do not get many guests.”

“Nature. I heard stories form the village.” 

“Ah. Our garden. Yes. It is quite magnificent. Well cared for too.” He hums, nodding his head. “We have gardeners and groundskeepers in there at all hours of the day. Perhaps you may make a few friends.” 

There was a friendliness in his voice as he kept speaking. While he was doing so, his systems were wondering what had happened to you for you to be like this. The porcelaine like features of your body intrigued him, the ball-jointed appearance made you look like a doll, and while not something he had seen before, he wanted to know more. 

His thoughts stopped when they arrived at the archway, the garden just outside. He went to speak but you had already vanished into the greenery. The gardeners watched on, the groundskeepers laughing as they watched this human-omnic wander into the flower beds and bushes. 

Zenyatta sat down on a nearby bench, keeping a close eye on you. He was in complete awe of you and his systems began to work through any and all possible outcome to his feelings. He was curious, much like were in this moment.

You examined the bugs under the rocks, picking them up to get a closer look before placing them back down into the dirt. With the sun on your face, it felt like a surreal dream, one you never wanted to wake from. 

The omnic monk kept his gaze within your direction, chuckling to himself as the minutes passed by. Perhaps another familiar face wouldn’t be unwelcome here…

[hlficlibrary]

hello, can you tell me the most popular/ must read Larry fics please?

Hello, anon! So I wouldn't necessarily categorize "most popular" and "must read" as the same thing for me, if that makes sense. That being said, I'll give you the ten most popular HL fics and then give you five more that I think are also "must reads" in addition to the top ten most popular ones. These other "must read" fics are ones that are indeed quite popular as well and that are particularly loved by me. If you'd like a longer rec of "must read" fics, you can fill out the suggestion box on the pinned post!

Here are the top ten most popular HL fics (by kudos) on ao3:

Young & Beautiful by Velvetoscar

Escapade by dolce_piccante

Unbelievers by isthatyoularry

Fading by tothemoonmydear

Baby Heaven's in your Eyes by theboyfriendstagram

Soft Hands, Fast Feet, Can't Lose by dolce_piccante

Bloodsport by isthatyoularry

Relief Next To Me by dolce_piccante

Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore

And Then a Bit by infinitelymint

Five more "must read" fics:

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Don't hum Bolero.

Nothing But You On My Mind by nonsensedarling

Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.

Into The Blue by zarah5

AU. In which Louis is Harry's scuba instructor and quite happy to provide the requested special treatment, pun fully intended. It can't be all that difficult to convince Harry that they're on the same page, right? Also, Niall and Liam may or may not be dating, and Zayn is surrounded by emotionally stunted idiots. He bears it with dignity.

Where You Lay by HamPalpert

When Louis's upcoming heat threatens his success at his new dream job, he asks the best (and only) person he can think of to help him through it: his best mates' best mate, Harry Styles. Harry reluctantly accepts, and together the two navigate a strange friends with benefits relationship that quickly turns complicated.

Emperor's New Clothes by sunsetmog

The fact that Louis’s most precious belonging was a cat with a face like thunder and an uncanny ability to cover every single inch of Louis’s clothing with cat hair was something that Louis chose not to think about too much.

or: Harry’s a pop star and Louis isn’t, and there’s a non-disclosure agreement where there used to be a relationship.

[luffyrose]

Barry, Constantine, and the Kid

I was reading "I Just Wanna Talk" by foldingfacets and the way Barry interacts with Danny, and his whole misunderstanding just gave me a very very good fic idea.

Danny was Constantine's kid! But thanks to whatever ex had him, John had no idea who Danny was, nor that his kid had been put up for adoption. (I'm feeling a random one-night stand with some god-adjacent being so that Danny was already very much Other, compared to normal people). His not fully human blood had him survive the Fenton household, seeing as Jazz had radiation exposure since she was little basically so she'd survived thanks to that.

Danny kinda figured he was adopted. Sure his hair was black like Jack's and his blue eyes weren't anything abnormal, but his parents were both very very white. And he was much more tan, definitely Mideastern. Jazz actually confirmed it when he asked one time, but he still loved them all dearly. He tried to love them all, but it was hard when the only one he really remembers raising him is his sister. Until the accident happens and things just go south.

Like, Danny does his whole hero thing, and works things out with his ghosts because most of them were either messing around or didn't realize he was actually a baby ghost because he was so strong or smth, idk, they cooperate with him and just come to bug him and play fight when bored or needing to satisfy their core. All in all, he's King of the Infinite Realms now and he is not having a good time tm-

He's SEEN all the John Constantine things, but never bothered with tracking this guy down because hey! selling his soul to multiple entities to prevent ANYONE from getting it was really smart! Who was he to fault the guy.

It kind of all comes crashing down though when things go horribly ary with his adoptive parents. He overheard them talking, and even though they did love him, he learned that to them he wasn't just their kid. He was still the kid Jazz really wanted for a brother. After literally growing up in their house, he wasn't on the same level as Jazz. Simply because he was adopted, and neither had truly planned to adopt him.

And despite learning this, he tries so hard to still love and few them as his parents, because he's NOT their kid! They're right, but they still raised him no they didn't it was Jazz and he thought that they at least loved him more than that some part of him knew they never had. So when Jazz suggests they tell them, together for his own safety, he agrees for two reasons. 1, he loves and trusts Jazz and she really wanted to believe they were better than just ghost hunting. 2, he could finally know the truth, whether they would not believe him, hate him, or love him.

They don't.

Maddie and Jack both believe he died due to their creation. They don't doubt that for a moment. Jazz is thrilled at first, thinking that meant they would feel sorry, apologize, accept Danny, ANYTHING except harm him. But she was wrong as they tried to shoot him. She tried to stop them, and they told her even if he was Danny, that he was a ghost which meant it wasn't ever really going to be him again. And Jazz was horrified, asking how they could shoot their own son, ghost or not, and as if it was the simplest thing in the world, they say he wasn't their son.

And that was it.

Danny ran.

He hid in the ghost zone, and Jazz tried to come with. She ended up destroying the portal, outing Vlad, and running away with a voice recorder of their parents and the conversation they'd had. Sam and Tucker have to lay low, only messaging Danny to ask if he'd been hurt.

Danny didn't reply.

After a few months, his friends had gotten a reply a few days after, so had Jazz, saying he was fine and Fright Knight was watching over him, which was true but the Knight was more worried than anything, Pandora stopped by. She was kind of like an aunt, so she hated to see him sad. But she'd also realized something.

Halfa, as most VERY old ghosts and Ancients know, are rare to find. Vlad was an odd case, being Halfa-adjacent but not a true Halfa since it took 20 years for his powers to grow to what they were when it was normal for quick power growth like Danny. Not only does one need to die with a bunch of ectoplasm nearby, but they must have a few other requirements. Such as a bond with the supernatural, strong magic, etc. No mortal being without very strong and innate abilities would survive a full Halfa creation. So she'd always been curious as to how Danny survived when even heroes who'd been exposed to death would not near chance of being a Halfa.

Being a demi-god made it a lot easier. Even then, not all demi-gods would survive either, seeing as it would be rare for them to be within range of the ectoplasm needed to balance their god-like blood. Danny was an incredibly special case. Pandora had found out that Danny wasn't just a demi-god, but the human who was his parent was an incredibly strong magic user. So much so, that he'd tricked and tried his way through many many years of his life. Honestly, Pandora was amazed the human was alive.

Telling Danny of his father was not in her plan, though she did tell him of his demi-god blood. She also told him, that it may be safer with heroes.

So with a little time to heal, not really he was still bandaged up but at least he wasn't about to fall apart, Danny got Wulf and Cujo, the former opening a portal with a sad goodbye for the time being. (Really, Wulf would always know where Danny was.) Either way, Danny had planned to find this John Constantine, since seeing as he'd somehow avoided death all while dimension hoping, he was probably a good bet. Or at the very least could help him find a hero to help.

Falling through the portal with Cujo, he hadn't expected a giant room in what he could only guess was a secret base. There was a hero, he really should have looked up heroes, but most of his childhood hadn't really given him access to anything outside of his hometown, which was staring in shock at him.

And Flash meets Danny.

And instantly wants to adopt the kid. Sorry, Bruce! This one is his kid actually! But when he hears the boy's reason for being there, the poor kid looking utterly terrified and apologetic for barging in and trying to explain how Constantine's contact info had led him here, Barry is just crushed. He's keeping the kid entertained, panicking, and trying to contact John.

Wally ends up meeting him while they're waiting, and it instantly taking this kid as his own new brother. If his boyfriend gets a bunch of younger siblings so does he!

Either way, both speedsters are already filing adoption papers, not really as much as Barry wants to because he knows better than to take in an unknown even with how horrifying this child's accidental slips of his home-life was like.

So we have an MIA John, not like that's rare-, an unknown child who they really need to test DNA for but don't want to scare him, speedsters already mentally said kid's parent, and a whole lot of chaos. Danny had no IDEA that Constantine is his bio dad, Clockwork had Pandora hint him this way for a reason though...he got a dad one way or another and in some universes, he had 2. So. No loss situation to the Ancient.

They are not ready for this traumatized ass kid because he doesn't even realize he'd traumatized. Wait till he has a panic attack though, Danny, despite his apparent obliviousness to how fucked up he should be, will finally seem like the hurt kid he is.

And oh boy, wait till someone accidentally jostles a wound during that whole first meeting since Danny's hiding his wounds. Now that's a whole other bag of worms to open, like how'd he get them????

[loveemagicpeace]

🍿Astro Notes🍿

🌞🌙Taurus sun with cancer moon -hates change, it is very difficult for them to get used to changes and they like to go slowly against them. You are always very emotional when it comes to them. Because you have an emotional attachment to your surroundings and things around you. Tauruses like the same things while Cancers have an emotional attachment to their surroundings.

🍓Venus in 4th house- can mean that there was a lot of money in the family or a rich family. That you grow up thinking that money is important and that material value is something that defines you. Parents can prioritize material things.It can also mean greed in the family.

☕️The way capricorn rising speak things about life that are hard for ex.: parents divorce, chillhood taumas..they speak as if they don't feel any pain. It's like they're talking about every day's life and it's really impressive. It seems to me that they are so used to pain that nothing surprises them anymore and they can talk about it freely.

🎀Cancers do not want to grow up, they are afraid to grow up many times. Because they feel that they will have to be a different person because of it. Also they want to keep their childhood as close and as long as possible.

🎠Sags/Leos always keep their child inside. They never fully grow up and forget childhood memories and things. Especially Sagittarius, they always keep life in themselves, they never stop living, they are always looking for meaning and new experiences. And both of them love Disneyland.

🧁People say that cancer moon are crybabys but in reality they are the strongest people when it comes to emotions. They hold a lot of emotions and are not as emotionally open.

🥐The sun in a square with the moon - one part of life will be visible to the public, and the other will be hidden and reserved only for intimate relationships.

🥃Mercury shows how a person thinks and communicates. Venus shows how a person loves, how the person gives love, how person behaves in a relationship and what person expects from a relationship. How the person values ​​you. Mars shows how the person behaves, the stability of the person, what kind of attitude they have towards you. Also shows jealousy, passion and anger.

🥑Mars in 12th house feels like you are stuck in a dream. Even though you want reality, you still want to stay in the dream. It's hard to express your talents and the things you love to do. You have many talents, but you don't know how to show/express them, and at the same time you are afraid of how people will accept them. You do things that you think are dreams and in which you feel comfortable. These people prefer to work alone than in a company. No one understands but the hardest thing is going to work / working with people you don't know (because you feel trapped). These people are meant to do something in which they can show themselves and be artistic. You can feel the energy and passion through the work. Never give up! You are meant to shine in your own light! 💡

🎸Jupiter shows how the person makes you happy, and what gifts they give you. Jupiter indicates your philosophical and spiritual world views, perception of wealth, and your experiences of travel and long journeys.Saturn shows how seriously a person takes things. What lesson can you learn from them. Saturn reveals our own limitations, fears, and sense of responsibility. Saturn's sign can describe how we approach our responsibilities.Neptune shows how how a person is spiritual and how person cope with spirituality. How can you connect with them through dreams. What dreams they give you.

🪁Difference between 5th and 11th house is that 5th house represent your automatic visibility, people notice you without you doing anything. They notice your talents faster. This house represents your pure joy and where you feel comfortable showing what you know. 11th house shows your hidden talents, talents that you don't want or don't care if others notice. You work on something, you publish it, and suddenly someone who is famous notices you. This is about unexpected notice. And here your talents are unique, different and strange to others.

🧚🏼‍♀️What is the key with neptune - where you are most vulnerable to mistaking wishes and fears for reality? How are you aware of your subconscious?In what area of the life you are delusional? Where you can be the most confused but at the same time the most psychic? Neptune asks us to go beyond the universe of ego, hunger and aggression without sacrificing our ability to function as a personality.

-Rebekah🧚🏼‍♀️🍿🌙

[rius-cave]

About the meeting more

Ahh that makes sense, the 40 days thing! I was of course taking liberties when it came to Adam showing up XD I was using the only instance I knew of Lucifer fully being on Earth.

And by Neil Gaiman's Netflix Lucifer (like some comments have pointed out), I meant the series called "Lucifer" where he's a police consultant. I mentioned it was Neil Gaiman because there's so many modern iterations of Lucifer I thought it would make it clearer XD. But yeah it's based on Neil Gaiman's Lucifer character that appears in the Sandman comics.

About the circus, I truly like when humanity is given more credit, both in the positive and in the negative. Like in GO, Crowley acknowledges that humans were the ones to create all sorts of wars, but Aziraphale relishes in the positives that humans have created over the years.

So I'm imagining this does something for Lucifer's guilt of dooming humanity (if you want to see him as guilty for putting evil into the world) or hatred of it (if we go with him basically saying that humans make their own fate with their decisions)

Lucifer, seeing humans kill each other: this is horrible. They're truly beyond saving. Vile creatures only capable of hurt.

Lucifer, seeing a circus for the first time: ... Well I mean. Maybe they're not so bad. Some... One things are good.

Which also reminds me about Blitzø and Fizzaroli being ex circus imps (and current clown depending on when). Which makes me think about Lucifer meeting Ozzie's boyfriend and freaking the fuck out because he's a huge fan.

This... Got away from me. Turned away from Adamsapple and more just geber Lucifer HCs lol

-🐇

OOOHHH okay! I did see the comment about there being another show with a Lucifer, I honestly had no idea lol. I've been debating on watching the SHOW called Lucifer since I've heard some good things about it.

But I agree! I definitely feel like Lucifer is disillusioned with humanity even when he wants to believe/knows that there's good in them too. Ough,,,, there's a really good comic somewhere about how Lucifer made LuLu World and was still hopeful about humanity, that maybe sinners could have a good thing there, but then sinners burned it down and that's the final straw that made him lose hope in them...... OOOUGHHHHHGHG IT PAINS MY SOUL BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH

But hey! I love that headcanon about him being a fan of Fizzarolli! Omg that is actually so cute and now I really feel like I need to see them together cjdjdogkskgjsd

Luci: Ozzie, I... I kinda have a big favor to ask

Ozzie: oh, Lu, what is it? Is something wrong? Is Charlie alright? I've been so busy lately but- please go ahead you know I'd do anything for-

Luci: CAN YOU PRETTY PLEASE GET FIZZAROLLI TO SIGN THIS 40 IN POSTER OF HIM FOR ME PLEASE???????

Ozzie:

[teaberrii]

Chapter Ten: Surprise, Surprise

Alhaitham has the looks and the smarts. He will also be the stand-in CEO for his grandfather's company for a year.

But, he's been mysteriously cursed to turn into a cat every night since his eighteenth birthday… until he meets you, an employee at his grandfather's company, who rescues him as a cat and changes him back with one kiss.

Alhaitham/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on AO3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

“I was only gone for a few minutes!” Kaveh says as Alhaitham calmly gets off of you. “Y’all just couldn’t wait, could you?”

You sit up, your heart still racing from what had happened. Should you be thankful or disappointed that Kaveh showed up? You almost pulled Alhaitham closer, imagining what his lips would feel like against yours. But maybe you should be thankful… because there would be no going back.

You and Kaveh leave Alhaitham’s room as the man gets dressed. You’re keeping Kaveh company in the kitchen as he gets the takeout food ready.

“Haitham told me a bit about you.”

“Good things, I hope,” you joke.

Kaveh turns to you and puts a hand on the kitchen counter. “I’ve never heard him talk so fondly about someone before.” Then, he looks past you. “Why don’t you tell her, Haitham?”

Alhaitham walks up beside you, fully dressed. You meet his gaze, but you’re the first to look away.

“Doing so would only be for your enjoyment,” Alhaitham says flatly to his ex-roommate.

Kaveh laughs. “Fine. You got me there, Kittyman.”

As the evening goes on, you learn a lot about Kaveh and Alhaitham. Some include that they don't have siblings. Their parents are also still overseas. That's when Kaveh decides to ask you about your family.

“Haitham said you have two younger siblings,” Kaveh says.

“Aether and Lumine," you say. "They're twins."

“Raising three kids….” Kaveh sucks in a small breath as he pours you and Alhaitham more tea. “I can’t imagine how much work that would be.”

“I couldn’t either,” you say. “...Which was why I was so surprised when my mom wanted to adopt. I thought I was enough work already.”

Kaveh and Alhaitham glance at each other at this new piece of information. “Aether and Lumine are adopted?” Alhaitham asks.

You nod. “They were around ten years old when we adopted them. They’ve been through a lot of different families before then.”

“...Must’ve been hard on them,” Kaveh says.

“Yeah. They didn’t want to be separated. That made it hard… some families just wanted one child.”

“What made your mother want to adopt?” Alhaitham asks.

You chuckle softly. “That’s… a long story, Catman.”

“Well, we got the time,” Kaveh says. “I’m curious too, honestly.”

"My mother loves kids, so she always wanted a big family. But… not long after they had me, my father got into an accident."

“...Oh, geez,” Kaveh says quietly.

"He was left bedridden for many years," you continue softly. "...My mother took care of him until she decided to take him off life support at his request."

You feel someone’s fingers brush against yours. It’s Alhaitham’s.

“Did your mother ever remarry?” Kaveh asks.

"No." Then, you sigh. "It was only her and me for a while." When Alhaitham sees you hesitating, he gently puts his hand on yours. You give him a slight smile. "Even though she was a single mother, she wanted more kids. It wasn't until after things settled down that she looked into adopting since she was at an age where it was risky to get pregnant again."

“...And that’s how she found Aether and Lumine.”

“Yes,” you say to Alhaitham. “Maybe it was fate.”

“I guess that’s something you believe in,” Kaveh says, looking at you.

“I never thought you’d ask such a thought-provoking question.”

“These things are usually left to Haitham, right?” Kaveh shrugs. “I bet he’s curious about your thoughts, too.”

You glance at Alhaitham, who's looking at you intently. "...Well, the accident was out of my mother's control. But, if we continued to dwell on the past, nothing would change. My mother wouldn't have thought to adopt, and we wouldn't have met Lumine and Aether. So… I think everyone has more than one fate, but it's our actions that determine which path we take."

Kaveh smiles knowingly but keeps quiet about his thoughts.

“...I’m sorry about what happened to your father,” Alhaitham says. “You must’ve been young when that happened.”

Your bottom lip curls inwards as you nod. There’s more to the story, but it’s something you don’t want to share. Not at this time, at least, as it deals with your… troubled past. Perhaps Alhaitham picks up your hesitation as he doesn’t pursue the matter further.

“You know..." you say, "You could probably pass as their brother, Kaveh.”

“Me?”

You show him a photo of Lumine and Aether just as Alhaitham says, “I can see it.”

Kaveh leans closer to your phone. “Whoa… we do look a little alike, huh?” Then, he swings his arm around you. “Should I call you Sis from now on?”

"Are you the long lost brother?" you joke.

“What do you think, Haitham?”

Alhaitham subtly smiles. “Sounds like a plot to a story.”

You laugh. "Should I give you royalty fees if I use it?"

“Hey, hey, don’t forget about me!”

“We already have,” Alhaitham says.

Kaveh rolls his eyes. “Yeesh, why does it feel like I’m interrupting something?” Then, he leans back. “Oh, wait. I already did, didn’t I?”

“That—”

Kaveh waves his hand dismissively. “Just close the door next time, would you?” He smiles at Alhaitham. “Still, did you find out anything interesting about your curse so far?”

“She has to be the one to initiate it,” Alhaitham says. “It doesn’t work if I kiss her.”

“Kitty kisses are out of the question, huh?” Kaveh turns to you. “Careful, Sis. He’ll probably suffocate you with them in a fight to get on your good side.”

You glance at Alhaitham with an amused smile. “Nah. He’ll probably leave scratch marks.”

“Oh, it sounds like you speak from experience already. How far have you two gone?!” Kaveh looks down, “On second thought, don’t answer that.”

You shake your head with a small smile.

◆◆◆

It’s the day before the Awards Night, and you’re sitting at home reading Heart’s Desire when you hear a knock at the door. You already know who it is as it’s the day you’re meeting Alhaitham’s grandfather.

When you open the door, Alhaitham is dressed in a black dress shirt that's tucked neatly into his dark grey pants with a black belt. It’s something that you’ve noticed; he always dresses in dark colours, and he almost always leaves the first two buttons of his dress shirts unbuttoned. You get a whiff of his cologne along with his shampoo.

"You make me feel underdressed," you say.

Nonsense. Your casual, high-waisted plaid skirt and white turtleneck look great on you. Alhaitham doesn't know what it is, but the black pantyhose adds a nice touch to the outfit.

"How?" he asks. Then, he smiles slightly. "This outfit suits you."

Alhaitham is driving toward the hospital with you in the passenger seat when you ask about the kind of person his grandfather is. It's not like you're unfamiliar with him, but you've only seen the professional side. You're curious about what he's like without the corporate mask.

“...It seems like you want to make a good impression,” Alhaitham asks with an amused smile.

"W-Well, wouldn't you if you're meeting your boss? I know I'm meeting him as… your friend, but he's still the CEO. So I don't want him to think I'm unprofessional."

Ah. So, you’re treating this more like a professional meeting. Makes sense. But…

"Would your attitude and stance change if you met him as my girlfriend?"

You quickly turn to him. “What kind of question is that?”

“A genuine one.”

“I… suppose it wouldn’t be too different. That’s a different kind of pressure, though.”

Does this mean you wouldn't want to date him? Because of the pressure?

“Has your mother asked you about us?”

"Not a lot, surprisingly," you answer. "She hasn't mentioned matchmaking parties since that day, though." You sigh. "I guess she's waiting for those pictures and an update after our date." When you see him smiling, you raise a brow. "Um, what's with that smile?"

"Well, it's not like we'll stay at the hospital all day. So if you don't have any plans tonight, can I take you out?"

“Tonight?”

Alhaitham glances at you. “You sound surprised.”

“It’s just so sudden.”

“We’re already out.” When the car slowly pulls to a stop in front of a red spotlight, he turns to you. “...And you’re dressed so nicely today. It would be a waste."

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” you say with a small smile.

“Can I take that as a yes?”

You chuckle. “Well, Catman, I have high expectations.”

“That only makes me want to exceed them.”

You hold his stare but ultimately look away with a short laugh. “Let’s see what you got.”

Alhaitham pulls up to the hospital a short while later. As he parks the car and shifts the gears, he asks, "Did you tell Aether you'd be coming today?"

“I didn’t, actually,” you say, unbuckling your seatbelt. “I thought I’d surprise him.”

You didn’t know it’d be the other way around.

When you and Alhaitham arrive on your brother’s floor, you’re surprised to see him standing in front of a scared-looking Ayaka and glaring at two bigger boys.

“Aether?” you ask, quickly walking over.

Your brother turns to you, his eyes wide. “Sis? What are you doing here?”

One of the boys scoffs loudly. “Sis? That old woman is your sister?”

“Fuck off,” Aether spat.

The other boy grabs Aether by the collar, and you immediately glare at him. “Let him go.”

The boy looks at you. “And if I don’t?”

“This is a hospital,” you say sternly.

“So? Besides, your brother’s at fault. He messed with us first.”

“You were harassing her!” Aether says loudly.

Alhaitham is keeping a close eye on the situation when he sees Ayato out of the corner of his eye. The actor notices Alhaitham but quickly turns his attention to the scene in front of him.

“Ayaka?”

"We weren't harassing her," the boy says. He pushes Aether, but Alhaitham and Ayato steady him before he hits the ground.

The boy approaches Ayaka, but you step in front of her. "She clearly doesn't want your company," you say sternly. "Leave her alone."

“What’s an old woman like you gonna do?”

The boy raises a hand, but Alhaitham grabs his wrist. The boy turns around and desperately tries to move his arm, but the iron grip Alhaitham has on him renders him useless.

"You're causing a ruckus," Alhaitham says. A few patients have opened their doors, wondering what the noise is about. One of them is Alhaitham's grandfather. "Everyone here is a witness to your harassment."

The boys look at each other. Then, Alhaitham forcefully lets the boy go. He stumbles but gains his footing before glaring at Alhaitham and leaving with his friend.

“Kids these days…” Alhaitham’s grandfather narrows his eyes at the rowdy teens. “You’d think they have a shred of respect for each other.”

“Are you two okay?” Ayato asks. He puts his hand on Ayaka's shoulder.

"...I'm fine," she says. 

“What happened?” you ask Aether.

Aether looks away and puts a hand in his pocket. “We were supposed to go for a walk… and these two guys started bugging her.”

“They were just talking to me at first,” Ayaka adds quietly. “But, when I said I didn’t want their company, they started getting pushy.”

“So, I stepped in,” Aether mutters. "I told them to fuck off."

"...You're injured, Aether," you say.

Aether glares at you. “Did you want me to call a doctor or a nurse then? There wasn’t time!”

“I’m not blaming you."

“Well, it sounds like you are! What was I supposed to do? Just let them harass her?”

You're standing in front of your brother. "No, that's not what I'm saying at all." You look at his leg that's still in a cast. "You also could've gotten hurt."

“Aether…” Ayaka says quietly.

“I know,” your brother mutters. “I know, okay? I don’t need you telling me what I already know.”

You watch your brother grab his clutches from Ayato and storm off.

“...Is he going to be okay?”

Aether’s behaviour doesn’t surprise you. You’re used to it. He always gets moody when you “nag.” But, this time, he seems especially moody. Perhaps it’s because it’s in front of Ayaka.

“Haitham.” Alhaitham’s grandfather walks up to him. “Are these your friends?”

This is far from the introduction you’re hoping for.

“Yes,” Alhaitham answers. First, he gestures to you and says your name. “She’s my friend who you’ve heard about.” Then, he looks at Ayato. “Ayato is an actor who’s working on a project in one of our departments. Finally, he gestures to Ayaka. “This is his sister.”

"And that hot-headed young man back there…."

“That was my brother,” you say. "...I apologize for his behaviour."

You aren’t sure what his nod means, but you decide not to ask.

“This is my grandfather,” Alhaitham says, breaking the silence. “The CEO of Sumeru Entertainment.”

“C-CEO?” Ayaka gasps.

Alhaitham’s grandfather laughs. “Is it that big of a surprise, young lady?" Then, he turns to you. “You are the one who wrote Love in the Spotlight, yes?”

“Yes.”

He smiles. “It’s a very respectable work. I must say that I’m looking forward to what you come up with next.”

“T-thank you, sir.”

“Should we talk more inside?”

Alhaitham notices your hesitation. You must want to look for your brother. “Why don’t the three of you head inside? I’ll look for Aether.”

“Are you sure?” you ask.

Alhaitham nods. “...I’ll take care of him.”

Perhaps it is for the best. You're probably the last person Aether wants to see right now, next to Ayaka.

“Um, but what about me?”

“I think you know the answer to that, Ayaka,” Ayato says kindly. “We’ve all been there… wanting to look cool in front of a girl. He wouldn’t be comfortable if you consoled him.”

"I'm sure that young man will listen to reason," Alhaitham's grandfather says. "If he has the courage to protect a young lady, he has the potential to be a promising man."

You never imagined the meeting to take place without Alhaitham. Isn't that the reason you came here? Well, here's to another one of life's curveballs.

◆◆◆

When Alhaitham finds Aether, your brother is sitting on a bench alone. He’s looking at something on his phone, and when he senses someone approaching him, he looks to the side and awkwardly puts his phone away.

"...Did Sis ask you to come to look for me?" Aether asks.

“No.” Alhaitham glances at the empty space beside Aether. “Is this spot taken?”

“...Go ahead.”

So, Alhaitham takes it, and a short silence settles in until…

“What would you have done?” Aether asks, and Alhaitham looks at him. “...If my sister was in trouble like that, would you have done something?”

“I’d do anything to protect her.”

“...Then, I didn’t do anything wrong, right?”

“...Protecting someone isn’t just about protecting that person, however.”

Aether slightly tilts his head. “What do you mean?”

"Simply put, there are different ways to handle a situation."

Aether sighs. “...I know what you’re trying to say. I shouldn’t have charged head-first like that, right? I should’ve considered all of my options.”

“When something unexpected happens, we sometimes act on impulse, especially if it’s something we’ve never experienced before.” Alhaitham gives him a small smile. “No one is born knowing what to do in every situation. We learn through our experiences. So, you shouldn’t dwell on this. Rather, take it as experience.”

"That's sure is a positive way of looking at it," Aether says quietly. He hunches over. "...This isn't the first time something like this happened. A few years ago, I cussed at and punched a guy who was bugging Lumine. Sis had to come to the police station because mom was recovering from surgery."

Then, a quiet sigh. "I still remember how tired she looked," he continues. "She was already busy with work. I felt like I was just burdening her, but I couldn't control myself. But... in the end, I just caused more trouble for both of them." Aether groans. "I couldn't exactly protect Lumine. This time, I couldn't protect Ayaka." He sighs loudly. "She must think I'm pathetic."

“Are you sure?”

“...You sound certain that she doesn’t.”

“If your sister tried to protect you while she was injured, what would you think of her?”

Aether is silent for a short moment. Then, he says, “...I’d think she was stupid. Stupid… but kinda cool.”

“Would that not be what Ayaka thinks of you?”

“Yeah… but she thinks I’m stupid.”

Alhaitham chuckles. “Haven’t we all been there?”

Aether narrows his eyes. "You're telling me that girls have thought you were stupid? That's incredibly hard to believe. I mean… look at you! You're like…." He relies on his hands and body language to help him find the right word. But, eventually, settles with, "...Like if the word cool was a person!"

“But I wasn’t always the person I am now.”

“Um… what kind of person were you like before?”

"That's a secret. But I wasn't proud of him. I knew I had to make changes."

“How long did that take… to, um”—Aether awkwardly scratches the back of his head—“to become the person you are now?”

"...Let's just say it took a lot of experience."

Aether sighs again. “I guess I still have a lot to learn.”

“Knowing and acknowledging that means you’re already improving.”

Aether smiles. “So, I just upped my charm, right?”

“I would say so," Alhaitham says, returning his smile.

Then, Aether's face turns serious. "...I want to protect Ayaka, but I also want to protect my sisters. They're always worried about me… and I don't want to burden them anymore." He hops off the bench. "It's finally time for Aether 2.0!"

"Aether?" Aether and Alhaitham recognize the voice immediately. Lumine walks toward them and smiles at Alhaitham. "Mr. Neighbour! What are you doing here?"

“He was giving me experience points.”

Lumine raises a brow. “Experience points? What are you talking about, Aether?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Aether waves his hand dismissively. “Did you come to visit?”

"No, Aether. I go to the hospital in my free time."

Aether returns his sister's deadpan look with one of his own.

“We were just heading back,” Alhaitham says, standing.

“Oh, if you’re here… does that mean Sis is here, too?” Lumine asks as the three of you walk back into the hospital.

"Why is everyone keeping hospital visits a secret now?" Aether asks. He looks at Lumine. "Even you didn't tell me you were coming!"

"It's called a surprise, Aether." Then, to Alhaitham, she asks, "Why'd you and Sis keep it a secret?"

“We’re here to visit my grandfather.”

Lumine gasps. “Wait… are you two that serious already?”

Alhaitham doesn’t want to admit that the two of you haven’t even started yet.

When Alhaitham opens the door to his grandfather's room, he hears a hearty laugh from him. Alhaitham guesses that he's in good company.

“Oh, Haitham, you’re back! And with… two young people this time.”

“Lumine,” you say, surprised.

Your sister smiles at you before turning to Alhaitham’s grandfather. “H-hello! My name is Lumine.” She points to you. "She's my sister, and"—she slightly frowns at Aether—"he's my brother."

After his grandfather greets her, he says, “It seems like we have quite a group here, don’t we?”

Aether walks up to you, and you stare at him calmly. “...Sorry for lashing out at you like that earlier. I didn’t mean to.”

“I shouldn’t have chided you like that,” you say with a small smile.

Lumine looks from you to Aether and back to you. “...Did something happen? What am I missing?”

“I still have to thank you for protecting Ayaka the way you did, Aether,” Ayato says. “I’ve already thanked your sister.”

Aether smiles at him and then turns to Ayaka. “...I promise I’ll protect you next time.”

"Um... why are we getting all sappy?" Lumine asks upon seeing Ayaka's shy smile.

You turn to Alhaitham, who catches you looking at him. Then, you quietly mouth, “What did you say to him?”

Alhaitham subtly smiles and gives a little shrug.

◆◆◆

“My, would you look at the time! It really flies when you’re having fun.”

It's true. It was shortly after lunch when you and Alhaitham arrived, and now it's almost dinner time.

“Should we go out for dinner together?” Ayato asks.

No, Alhaitham wants to say. He only wants to take you out to dinner. No siblings. No friends. Just you and him.

“Actually, we have plans.”

Everyone turns to Alhaitham, who looks unfazed.

“We?” Ayaka asks.

“Ooh, I get it,” Lumine says. “You’re taking Sis out to dinner, aren’t you?”

“Just the two of you?” his grandfather asks, raising a brow. “Aren't you two just friends?”

Aether and Lumine gasp simultaneously. “What!”

Oh no. You do not want to deal with the explanations right now, but it seems like it’s getting messier.

Before your siblings can bombard you with questions, Alhaitham says, “We’re a work in progress.”

You freeze when he takes your hand. Ayaka gasps quietly. Ayato’s kind smile doesn’t change. Lumine and Aether still look like they have questions.

“...A boss and employee relationship,” Ayato chuckles. “It sounds like the plot of a romance novel.”

“Boss and employee… relationship?” Lumine turns to Alhaitham. “Do you work with Sis? I thought you were a scholar at Akademiya.”

“Didn’t you know, Lumine?” Ayato asks. “Alhaitham is the stand-in CEO for Sumeru Entertainment.”

Lumine’s jaw drops, and she immediately turns to you. “You’re dating a CEO?!”

You feel like you’re sweating bullets now.

Aether slowly claps. “If mom knew, she would freak.”

You want to tell them not to tell your mother. Not yet, at least. But the Awards Night pops into your mind, and you figure Alhaitham’s identity will be revealed to everyone.

"We thought it would be best to keep our relationship a secret," you say. You know Alhaitham is looking at you, which makes you even more nervous. You can't have him doing all the work. It won't be fair. You turn to Lumine. "I didn't lie to you and mom. But we didn't want to mention that he's currently my CEO because we weren't official yet."

It surprises you how smoothly you said it.

Alhaitham's grandfather puts a hand over his heart. Everyone almost gets scared until he says, "Haitham… you have a lot of explaining to do. My heart can't take these kinds of surprises."

“I’m sorry I kept this from you,” Alhaitham says. “I—”

“But first, don’t you have a date to go on?”

You and Alhaitham glance at each other. But it’s Ayato who says, “Unless you’d like some company.”

“No.”

Alhaitham’s quick, flat response almost draws a soft laugh from everyone else.

“Well, get going then,” his grandfather says.

Before you and Alhaitham walk out the door, Lumine adds,” We want to see pictures!”

You look over your shoulder, and this time it’s you who flatly says, “No.”

◆◆◆

As soon as you and Alhaitham are in the car, you sigh. “...I thought I was going to get a heart attack.”

“Does this mean we’re official now?”

You glance at him and see that he's looking at you. "I don't know, Catman. Are we?"

He shifts the gears. “...You’re going to drive me crazy, you know."

“It’s only fair,” you say quietly.

Wait. Does that mean what he thinks it means?

“So”—you look straight ahead—“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Well, if I learned anything about you since the day we met, you’re full of surprises, Catman.”

Alhaitham eventually pulls up to the lakeside, where there's a long path for people to jog, walk, or bike. On the other side, there's a great view of the cityscape.

“An evening walk by the lake?” you ask with a small smile. “Simple yet… intimate, I would say.” You unbuckle your seatbelt. "And here I thought we were going to have dinner."

"Who says that isn't on the agenda?"

You smile. "Well, if you don't have a place in mind, can I pick the place?"

Alhaitham does. One of the most expensive—if not the most expensive—restaurants in the heart of the business district. The top floor has a gorgeous city view. He's been there before but never with someone special. Would it be childish to tell you he's always imagined sharing the nighttime city view with that special someone?

However, he'll let you choose. Just because he wants to do a little more if he does take you there.

"Of course," he answers.

You and Alhaitham walk side-by-side, enjoying the evening breeze that carries the sounds of laughter and quiet conversations.

“What did you say to Aether, by the way?”

"Nothing, really," Alhaitham says as a person jogs by. "He's a smart kid."

“I don’t doubt that, but I know my brother.” You look at him. “You must’ve worked some kind of magic on him.”

Before the biker behind you even gets a chance to ring the bell, Alhaitham has his arm around you and effortlessly sweeps you to his side. Your hands are on his shoulders. His arm is still around you, and your face is close to his.

“...Magic, huh?”

Your gaze falls to his lips. "...Or, is it top secret?"

“Secret or not,” he says quietly, slowly leaning closer, “I’d rather work my magic on you.”

Just before his lips brush against yours, you suddenly hear someone call your name. Startled, you pull back, and Alhaitham is just as surprised. Then, your name comes again, and you recognize the voice. This time, you turn around.

“Mom,” you say. “What a surprise.”

Chapter Eleven

Tag list: @suoshiii @lxry-chxn @seirenspinel @lordbugs @sakiimeo @ashtree-and-the-cats @ceylestia @forsh4dow @deathkat657 @kalpie @elernity @sentieence @chichibleeps @sunsethw4 @hjjks @tanspostsblog @nqctre @just-simping-over-genshin @uchihaeirin @vynbin @ayanokomu @dksfl920 @alatus2716 @itztaki @thetwinkims

[erial-c]

my top ten redacted boys (because i am but a bandwagoner of trends)

1. sam - took me a bit to like him ( haven't even finished his playlist yet) but god his character hurts me, he and darlin have gone through so much shit . the video talking about the future with your vampire mate basically sealed the deal on him being my favorite character, and after reading one of the bright eyes series transcripts, it makes me even more interested in his character . (and his southern accent may or may not have awakened something in me)

2. avior - is it obvious i like tragic characters yet . his series is one of the first ones i've listened to fully, and the chokehold that the plot twist had on me was insane . the realization that he had loved starlight so much that he deus ex machina'd them out of the hellscape, and then was silently YEARNING when they were pulled back . i was sobbing you don't understand officer. also love his early sarcastic personality (despite it being a facade) and his constant need to wax poetic, i wish we still saw a little bit of that in his newer audios though

3. guy - ohh the love of my life . the only comfort character ever . babygirl . he does exude millennial cringe sometimes but i can gloss over all that because i love him  🫶🫶🫶 also love his dynamic with honey they r so cute together . his flashback audio is so good AUGGHH the tension . personal favorite audio of him though is his first sick video , because i am THE guy angst enthusiast and it's the closest i'll ever get to it . he is sooo silly idc i always binge his playlist when i can't sleep (ironically i always listen to the one where he attempts to help honey sleep and it works 🫶)

4. lasko - babygirl #2 🤞🤞🤞 love him he is just an overall sweet character . i've also said this before but, him being labelled early on as submissive irked me because i usually found those character tropes annoying and they tended to be infantilized . but the thing is with lasko its not his entire characterization , he's still a very good professor at the academy and ughhhqhh i know how 2explain it i jst love him (also. his slip up in the hot boi summer audio. he is freaky .)

5. geordi - his and cutie's story is so interesting . i love their storyline so much even if it hurts to listen to the audios . they're both flawed characters in a relationship but they're still taking the necessary steps to be better. additionally, while i definitely don't stand for the shit cutie did, i can relate to them in the sense of needing to know what people are thinking to function properly, which is probably another reason why geordi and his storyline hits so close to my heart . (is that corny. maybe)

6. asher - one of the reasons im in the fandom tbh !! he's one of the first characters i got into, specifically his valenweek flashback audio i ate that shit up . . i don't listen to him that much now but still !!! i owe me being here to his character lol

7. hush - creature/babygirl . i was kinda intimidated to listen to his playlist (for god's sake his title is "mysterious stranger") but ohhhh i love him he is so strange. tying doc up in one video and then asking them to hold his hand a few videos later??? love that . him showing up in carpe deus and fucking wrecking vega kinda sealed it for me . love theorizing about him too, if that's not obvious 🫶

8. porter - when i heard the voice that this character had. i can't even explain to you what my reaction was . he's such a fucking diva i love it so much , this guy is like 80% snark, and he just fucks with vincent for no reason .(when he said he was gonna bring treasure to the summit but didn't 😭) he's also so interesting . while ya he was sent to go to the summit and assassinate a clan king (which he succeeded in) he told sweetheart about the bennets discussing their partnership with closeknit so they could get necessary info, he provided an alibi for vincent, he also stopped grilling sam when darlin told him to . (also his 2nd video with treasure . killed me tbh)

9. marcus - not proud to admit that marcus is the first character i came across on erik's channel . marcus is weirdo number 1 (derogatory) and i just find his storyline so interesting. yeah its sad why he did what he did, but overall he knew what he was doing , he fucked everyone else over, and compromised a project, of which the failure could mean life and death, just because he wanted to get freaky with the robot . his obsession and little impulse control being overrun by the asset's obsession with him. GOD . . the satisfaction i felt when he was taken away 🫶

10. caller - weirdo (compliment) . again as a horror enthusiast i love this guy . he's like ghostface but if ghostface could phase through walls/was already in your house (and also weird and obsessive) . his audio made me have the same reaction when watching horror content : "holy shit i love this but also i hate this" 10/10 . he's only last because he has one (1) video . 💔

honorable mention:

gavin - GAVIN LOVE OF MY LIFFEEEE . i really did wanna put him on my list but i haven't listened to the freelancer series properly yet!!!! this is not a matter of him being my least favorite but rather not knowing much about him in depth yet !!!!

[lashysdomain]

@mageofspacemultiverse and @memurfevur 's Oc Name ARG Data

for those who AREN'T me who've spent the last 4 days and almost every waking and sleeping hour thinking about this, here's what we have so far + puzzles i've not yet been able to solve

characters: [name] - (blog they're at)

arceel - (memurfevur)

how we found out about yny??e (from here on referred to as E). ex moirail, used to be known as Balerion. this is the name that E knows him by.

Yny??e - (mageofspacemultiverse)

unable to speak fully. we're currently playing hangman to find out their name. We've guessed a e i o r n t s y d p w currently. letters guessed add to their appearance if wrong, and bring letters back to their text if guessed at all

the subjugate video

likely E's captor, or at least one of them. we've been told to hide from them, so DNI. please. i know, villian, but dni. summoned by us guessing the letters in 'resort' on accident.

i believe we may be able to summon balerion in a similar way. < i was wrong

the warden video (loud)

another of e's captors, 110% fucked up on this one. i didn't notice, both of these are my fault. implies we can join E, but unsure if that's simply a threat and nothing more.

current puzzle stands at y n y _ m e | n t r e p i

it seems wrong guesses aren't harmful, but if we bring their full body back before finishing the name i feel like something bad may happen.

extra characters and unsolved puzzles under the cut

watch'r - (memurfevur)

bound to arceel, knows what's going on fully, will take gossip as a bribe, unsure what he'll give. that's my bestie

BRIBE HIM. I NEED MORE CLUES.

ragana - (memurfevur)

pompous fucker. also knows what's going on, enjoys my suffering. i'mma stab. unlikely to actually answer questions, best to not give them attention.

unsolved puzzles

i'm currently still trying to solve these, but i'm at my wits end in a way

i believe this is a 3x6 grid code of some kind, it's not braille, or the tick tack toe cipher, the original grid isn't there on the images, however i've left them on just to keep the rows i believe exist clear. if you want the plain images let me know.

there's a strong belief between multiple people that it's a version of the polybius square cipher, but it doesn't have enough columns and we dont have the x or y letter sets to solve.

i think it's a type of adfgx cypher, and a and e are your translated letters. i am, however, missing a key

the other possible code could be from the polls, setting the positions of letters in another key the letters and their resulting poll result numbers are: e2 r4 p5 i6

p is interesting, and has the options of 20 5 20 8 5 18 which when put into an alphanumeric substitution cipher gives us "tether" could be nothing but that seems purposeful? every other poll has just 123...

the pastebin clues, found from the description of the subjugate video.

these are settings for the enigma machine. what we put into it probably hasn't been sent out yet.

Jcif xgs aphwvx rxdgdk jc boyf Irmm g inbfjh b qrqqevn onmzf Mcuvh omeccn diegypgp

pulled from the captions of the Warden video. We likely don't have all we need to solve for this yet.

i believe it might be a beaufort cipher, as it's the only one that's spit out real words to me, but we don't have it's key

[possibilistfanfiction]

Hi! I just wanted to say I love everything you write for warrior nun (& butch bea especially!!) If you're ever in the mood to write more ficlets can I put in my vote for something about mary and ray? the part about them made me so happy !

[a little something!]

'don't laugh at me,' you say, coming downstairs from your guest room at beatrice and ava's to where they're sitting and doing a puzzle at the kitchen island. well, beatrice is doing the puzzle, diligently finishing the edges, while ava just kind of sits and stares. it's... kind of ridiculous, but beatrice had been hurt; there's still a bruise on the back of her head, turning green now — painful, and healing — and the brace over a compression sleeve on her leg. but she's only using one crutch now, and the incision down her stomach has knit together fully now. she's a little stir-crazy, you think, but also pretty tired still — and has been relegated from olympic-level judo to things like puzzles, so, of course, ava had come home with ten of them.

'we'll definitely laugh at you,' ava says, looking up with a grin.

'why wouldn't we?' beatrice asks, attention still on the puzzle pieces.

you sigh. you're happy for them — so, so happy — but the two of them together are also the bane of your fucking existence. ava makes beatrice's shoulders relax, makes a big smile stretch on her face, makes her laugh, every single day; beatrice makes ava brighter, which had seemed impossible, but now you watch them in their own home and you ache, you hug them tightly every night before they go to bed while you stay here while your apartment is finalized. they also, however, love to collectively make fun of you. no shooting allowed, in this new world, even though ava would still be fine. whatever.

'i'm — i'm going on a date.'

'oh, we know,' beatrice says. 'ray hasn't shut up about it for days.'

'so you know what we're doing? thank god, i have no idea what to wear.'

ava grins. dangerous. you could kick her off a cliff again, you really could. 'yeah, we can't tell you where though.'

you roll your eyes. maybe you could swipe a puzzle piece when they're at the beach, that would drive beatrice nuts. 'can you, like, advise an outfit, at least? i've worn all black forever but i don't think that's the vibe.'

'yeah, hot mercenary is not the theme.' ava grins. 'but i love shopping. and bea knows all the good spots.'

'okay, but not boring spots.'

'ava has never complained a day in her life about me being boring.' you just let it pan out from there, ava's adoring smile, the familiar scratch to the back of beatrice's head, so soft and careful, the way beatrice's hands still on their puzzle pieces and her chin lifting, just slightly, so ava bends near her, like a willow to water, and kisses her. eventually, beatrice turns to you. 'see?'

'i don't need you making out to know that you're into each other,' you grumble.

'oh, if you want to see us making out,' ava says, but beatrice puts a gentle hand on ava's wrist. 'okay, never mind. but... shopping! bea, do you feel good enough to go? otherwise i'll just facetime you everywhere.'

beatrice laughs. 'yes, i can go. i'll just sit while mary tries things on.' she turns toward you. 'i know it can be — daunting, to figure out who you want to be. maybe it won't be; ava's always enjoyed it.' ava preens. 'but we'll have fun; i'll take you places where there will be stuff you might be interested in. and, at any time, if you want to leave, just say the word.'

'okay,' you relent — you want to look good for your date, and, as you look at ava in her flowy wide-leg pants and especially beatrice, in a favorite, soft crew neck, you realize that you desperately, and joyfully, want to know who you are.

/

as promised, beatrice does take you to stores that have interesting clothes — expensive, not that that's anything you'd worry about at this point — and sneakers you had always wanted when you were younger. beatrice finds a pair of dunks that you think are both very clean and, as expected, extremely boring; you get a few that are more interesting, jordan 1s and 4s and a pair of union dunks. ava knocks over a whole rack of clothes, who knows how, but charms the attendant so much they end up laughing as she helps pick things up.

there are a few more stores, with t-shirts and flannels and perfectly fitting pants. they're fancy, you know, understated and cool, and everyone knows beatrice and ava; they're happy to see them, although everyone is worried about beatrice, who handles things like a champ: she's just fine, a cycling accident in spain; recovery has been easy and she's glad to be out of the house; yes, she wants that hoodie even though — with a laugh — she definitely doesn't need it, but ava will steal it anyway.

you can tell this one is beatrice’s particular favorite, because when ava holds the door for her and beatrice walks through — slowly, but steadily, fairly coordinated with her forearm crutch opposite the big leg brace, one of the attendants shoots forward. he’s, well, beautiful, with perfect braids and and dark skin, cargo pants and a pair of off whites you don’t even want to think about how much they cost.

‘beatrice,’ he says, seemingly torn between grinning and frowning, and wraps her in a careful, familiar hug.

‘hi jalen,’ she says, and then jalen hugs ava too, who smiles into his shoulder.

‘hey bud.’

‘i’ve missed you both,’ he says. ‘how are you feeling?’

‘much better,’ beatrice says. ‘i had a facial and a massage yesterday, and down to one crutch, so i can’t complain.’

‘first, still obsessed with your hair.’ he ruffles the top, and you’re a little floored, because beatrice just laughs. ‘and, secondly, ava, you’re okay?’

‘spick and span,’ she confirms, offering two dorky thumbs up that just come off, annoyingly, as charming.

‘jalen, this is mary,’ beatrice says. ‘one of my oldest friends. mary, this is jalen. he’s a regular at ava’s bar and my favorite stylist.’

‘quite the resume,’ you say, and shake his hand.

he smiles. ‘if only beatrice would add keiko’s boyfriend to that list.’

ava snorts. ‘we would if it was true.’

‘one day.’ he sighs. ‘anyway, what are we here for today? we just got the new aime leon dore crews, beatrice.’

‘while i will be getting one of those for sure,’ she says, ‘more importantly, mary has a date tonight! and, plus, needs some new things anyway. she’s been away on business.’

‘delightful.’ he looks you over. ‘i’m feeling a tasha cloud, arike ogunbowale kinda vibe.’ he smiles, excited. ‘what do you think?’

‘i’m into it,’ you say, your chest warming: beatrice knows you; she loves you; she wants to share her life and all the good things in it. she’s built it herself. she knows who will understand.

‘great! and, please tell me if you don’t like something. my feelings won’t be hurt at all, and we want you to feel awesome.’

‘that — yes,’ you say, a little choked up out of nowhere, and you spare a glance at ava and beatrice. beatrice has settled on a couch, her leg outstretched, while ava looks through some crews and holds them up for beatrice to pick a favorite. ‘that sounds perfect.’

jalen helps you find a few pieces you love, that you can mix and match for a number of outfits. it’s surreal, to get to choose what you want — to wear every day; to wear by the beach; to wear to drinks with your sisters, so in love it’s impossible to really be annoyed; to wear on a date.

eventually, beatrice starts to fade, slumping over on ava’s shoulder on the couch, her eyes fluttering, which makes you laugh — and then jalen too, who understands somehow, that she’s okay. or, at least, that she will be.

ava tells jalen to charge everything to their account; she’d told you when you’d first come that the church pays for whatever they want, and, plus, they have beatrice’s essentially infinite trust fund anyway. you leave with a few bags, but not before you ask jalen where he gets his braids done and he grins and gets your number to send you the information. it’s one of a few in your phone; your world grows every day.

/

'okay,' you say, looking at yourself in your mirror one last time. 'good?'

'you look sexy,' ava says, helpful as always, but bea laughs softly and squeezes your hand.

'you look amazing,' she says, and she really means it. ray hadn't told you much, just that it was casual and no pressure. she's known beatrice for a while now and so, you know, she seems to understand the hesitancy toward big things, a big life. beatrice has one now, and you want one too. it's different, so different than what you thought you would have. but it's not bad; in fact, most of the time it's good.

you tie a flannel around your waist for when it inevitably gets cooler later; you had your braids redone two days ago and your babyhairs are down perfectly. ava is basically vibrating when — endearingly, because she definitely has a key — ray rings the doorbell.

'go, go!' ava says, spinning you by the shoulders in the direction of the stairs. 'beatrice and i are going to ... stay in on your balcony, i guess. right, bea?'

it feels a little like they're your parents or something; whenever lilith visits she trudges along behind them like a teenager being dragged out of her bedroom. but beatrice's smile is gentle and she takes ava's hand. 'yes, i'll make sure that ava gives you your privacy.'

you take a deep breath and nod. 'wish me luck.'

'godspeed,' ava says. 'we definitely won't stay up late waiting on the couch to make sure you get home by your curfew.'

despite yourself, you laugh.

/

ray brings you flowers and you kiss her cheek and she smiles at you, bright in the setting sun, and takes off her sunglasses and opens your car door.

'this is about as lowkey as it gets,' she says, 'but i thought we could get some in n out and watch the sunset on the beach. i know you get to watch the sunset from beatrice and ava's every day, but i have a spot i love that i want to share with you. i brought some craft beer i like, if you want a drink.' she pauses, grips the steering while tight in her hands, and it sets you at remarkable ease when you realize — she's nervous too. she's excited too.

'that sounds amazing.' she smiles and it's worth it; it's so worth it.

she lets out a relieved breath. 'okay, sweet. do you have an in n out order?'

'i've never actually been.'

'god, that's a crime.'

'look, i've only been in california for a month.'

'that's a whole month!'

you laugh at her genuine dismay. honestly, you didn't think you would be staying; you hadn't even brought more than a few days clothes in a duffel when lilith teleported you. you had planned to stay and take care of beatrice and help ava for a week tops. but then, well — 'better late than never, right?'

'so much better,' ray says, and turns on good 90s r&b while you wait in what you think might be the world's longest drive thru, although when you say that ray just laughs. she's beautiful, and your mind drifts slightly when she licks her fingers after finishing her burger, the pink clouds washing over the both of you. there are a few streaks of grey coming into the inky black of her hair, a mess of curls, and you wonder what it might be like to tangle your hands in it. to let her kiss you. to touch her back.

you talk about everything and nothing at once: who you are, but not the worst parts. not yet.

the sun sets and you put your flannel on and ray grins. 'you look really good,' she says.

'thanks. i — beatrice took me shopping.'

'ah,' ray says, 'my favorite activity to share with her. i love when she charges things to her account.'

'it was pretty sweet, honestly. i — well, you knew her, when you first met. getting out of our old line of work, at least for me, it's a lot of just... trying to figure out who i am now. who i want to be.'

'well, if tonight is anything to go by, and how highly beatrice and ava speak of you, who you are is incredible.'

you duck your head, busy yourself with gathering the napkins from dinner and putting them in the bag. you lift your head and the sun sits gold on the horizon behind ray's head. you almost laugh, then, in a little bit of disbelief — the kind of blessing you are just coming to understand. thank you, shannon, you pray. when ray smiles at you, her eyes squinting in the light, you allow yourself to really wonder: there is a halo around her head, some kind of saint, some kind of holy.

you wonder about resurrections and how ava loves so full, how beatrice is quiet and attentive and so deeply herself, now. you wonder about all of it — hell and grace and the rough orange blanket beneath you and the apartment you'd just gotten approved for, the scar along your shoulder from years ago and how often it rains here. you wonder about all of it, as you cup ray's jaw in your hand as gently as you can and ask is this okay? and she smiles — yeah, of course — and kiss her, in the remnants of the sun and the inky dusk setting in over the waves. the tide goes out, and a beautiful woman kisses you. it's a life. it's one hell of a life.

she holds your hand on the drive back to beatrice and ava's house, and when you open the front door ava scrambles up the stairs to, you guess, act like she wasn't watching out the front window, but beatrice still has her crutch and just waves from the couch, nonplussed. ray had walked you to the door and kissed your cheek and heads back to her car with a little wave in beatrice's direction, and you close the door.

'did you have a good time?' she asks, sleepy and looking like she'd showered earlier, comfortable with her leg propped on a few pillows and a heating pad on her stiff hip.

you sit next to her and then ava flings herself in the middle of you. beatrice lets out a little oof but she laughs, and ava climbs practically on top of her without any resistance. you'll never have a love like that, you're pretty sure, in this life or any of the next, because ava is ava — exuberant and unrelenting and desperately kind — but the quietness is good too. the small intimacies. 'i had a wonderful time.'

'good,' ava says, a kind of totality you're just beginning to understand: things are good. things should be good. 'bea has been falling asleep for an hour —' beatrice pouts — 'but, brunch tomorrow, maybe? i want to hear all about it.'

'yeah,' you say, a little overcome, thinking about the sunset and in n out and what it felt like to kiss someone kind after all this time; thinking about what it was like to come back to people who love you, who want you to be happy — your sisters. 'that sounds perfect.'

and it isn't perfect: beatrice is still hurt and grumpy, which makes ava grumpy, but it's beautiful and smells like the ocean and you eat whatever you want, with no plans for the day. it's not perfect, but it is good. it's a home, and a life, and you let yourself wonder about it all as you steal potatoes from ava's plate and she swats at your hand with a laugh, the sun high in the sky.