#this is about all Afab cis and fem presenting people

[pedra-draws-noshedoesnt]

“He shouldn’t have cut off all her hair”

Eugene was bleeding out! Rapunzels freedom was in jeopardy!!

Her hair was the reason she was going into a hole for the rest of her life

when women have cancer they go through chemo, and lose their hair; and they’re immediately expected to wear a wig

how much danger do we have to be in for our looks to be considered last? Or not at all?

[cardentist]

well ! I figured that was gonna happen, so lets not waste a good essay.

I feel like it's not controversial to say that there is a Lot of underlying transphobia in how people with "weird" gender and labels are treated. but in particular I'd like to highlight how multigender/genderfluid/genderqueer people/etc are expected to "pick a side" based on their agab (or perceived agab).

and this absolutely extends to nonbinary and intersex people as well. people viewing nonbinary people by their agab regardless of their identities, presentation, or real lived experiences (or punishing nonbinary people for not fitting what they Assume those things would be based on them Being nonbinary).

as well as the way that intersex people are erased and refused to be understood. it is, for instance, treated as ridiculous or even outright Dangerous to think an amab person could be trans masc or an afab person could be trans fem. ignoring, of course, that there are intersex people who Aren't treated like their agab. who are visibly read as trans and transition in ways that suit their agab.

and of course, intersex people have all sorts of relationships with gender and sexuality that influence their experiences.

but there's Also just this baseline kneejerk rejection of seeing multigender people as anything different from half trans. or rather, people don't like it when people relate to and share experiences with what they perceive as the "wrong" trans labels.

I've talked about this before, but I've been shuffling around labels for a very Very long time. both trying to find something to fit the way I feel, And in trying to figure out my feelings at all.

I've Always identified with both masculinity and femininity in some way, but for a very long time I've never enjoyed being Perceived As a girl. was I genderfluid, was I nonbinary, was I trans masc and gnc, what was I indeed. why was I comfortable, even Happy presenting femininely in some cases, but I feel antsy when my hair gets anywhere longer than "basically bald."

gender euphoria at the idea of going on T and wearing clothes that hide and change the shape language of my body, but Equally receiving gender euphoria at dressing and being perceived as Feminine without being perceived as a cis woman.

and in much the same way, when I Do present masculinely I enjoy not reading as a Cis man. that visible transness. that duality of masculine and feminine.

in the end I've found that my euphoria with femininity hinges on exactly that. I Want to transition, I want a deeper voice, I want my face and body to change. but I Also want to keep some of those traits that are read as feminine. some of the shape language of my body, my boobs, my presentation.

no matter how I choose to label this feeling, this desired presentation and desired interpretation, what this means for me is that I have shared experiences and desires with many other groups of trans people. trans people Can look and want to present as anything mind. but it is, for instance, not hard to imagine how someone in a dress with visible breasts and a masculine voice and facial hair would be interpreted and possibly treated.

and I think binary people really don't Like the idea of sharing experiences with the "wrong" sorts of people. they don't Like sharing experiences with nonbinary people, with multi gender or gender fluid people, with intersex people.

and I think I think there Needs to be some awareness of this. that trans spaces are always going to be fuzzy at the edges. that there will be men who are Also women and women who are Also men, and that not being a threat to anyone who's one or the other.

and I think there Also needs to be an awareness that this intolerance to people with Weird genders and presentations and labels. Is Transphobia, regardless of who it's coming from.

not to inherently demonize anyone struggling with feelings of discomfort, but to ask people to Examine that feeling. especially before they choose to interact with people who are different from them.

everyone has prejudices, everyone has insecurity, everyone has biases and difficult emotions that they're trying to work through. and there's nothing wrong with that, but there needs to be an awareness and recognition of it. to make the active effort not to react to someone you don't understand with a negative kneejerk.

sometimes things that sound unintuitive make perfect sense to the person it's relevant to, sometimes things that sound intuitive are wrong. you don't Have to understand somebody to leave them be to do their own thing. and if you feel that someone's existence is harmful, sometimes it's a good idea to check that emotion.

[coentinim]

Is there a way to be critical of gender without denying that trans men are men etc? Let me explain.

Gender dysphoria is real and trans and nonbinary people have to be respected - that's what I believe. However, I see that a lot of discource about gender and identities is focused on stereotypes - like afab people saying thay they knew they weren't a woman because of their interests, personal style and being gnc in general, while all those things can be done while being a woman. Also what I've seen get called woman vibes are mostly stuff like nail polish or a caring nature, which are stuff I actually love seing in men (and everyone tbh, we need more nice people but that's unrelated). Everyone has their own mind and autonomy and freedom to identify as they wish, and it's not my business to inquire why they choose to identify the way they do, I acknowledge that because it's just called being respectful. So if a fem presenting person told me their pronouns are he/they, I'd use that since it's not really something I should dig about. I'll use that and prob see them as transmasc or wtv label they wish to use, and I'd also be normal about that. But I'm also kinda critical of the root of this - like me thinking I was a demi girl or nb because I felt uncomfortable in my body during puberty and tiktok told me it was a sign, but I still identify as a cis girl and I feel fine. I don't think trans women are just porn addicted men or that trans men are confused women, I'm just wondering why it's so based in stereotypes, you know??

TL;DR I don't want to come off as a transphobe, I want to articulate that despite criticising the concept of gender and its stereotypes, people's choices and pronouns should be respected and acknowledged. Is it still gender critical, or is it called something else? I want to find people who think similar as me.

English isn't my first language sorry if I was unclear or used weird words or repeated myself lol

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello!!

How are you?

I’ve been feeling stressed out about a lot of things recently and everytime I’ve felt like this in the past it’s you who always helps me out! So I’m back… (not sure it’s a good thing)

Ok so firstly let’s discuss my sexuality. So for the past 3 years I’ve identified as bisexual. I basically like all genders but do have a preference. For example, I am more attracted to masc presenting people than fem presenting people, but I also prefer queer people more often than not. Does this make sense?

This makes me bi, right? Bc I have preference?, bc sometimes I wonder if I could be pan, but pansexual is with no preference (?)

Alrighty, second thing on my mind is the dreaded gender. I’ve been questioning for about 10 months now and I feel like I’ve made progress and I wanted to talk to you about it! So I was that anon and go was spamming your asks back in like December and January bc I was so confused about what gender identity I could be. I asked about almost all of them and you truely helped me so much!

I thought I was faking it as I’m like older than most people when working this stuff out (19), but you reassured me that I wouldn’t be faking it if it was keeping me up. You also said I could be genderfluid, like you. I remember you said you had similar experience to what I was describing: I did look into that and it’s still something I think about. I know I’m not cis. Sometimes I do relate to being a ‘girl’ (as uncomfortable as that makes me feel, it’s the truth). (I am afab). I know I’m definitely not a man. And I had thoughts that I could be agender.

I’ve come to conclusion that I am non-binary, possibly genderfluid, in which fluctuates from agender to demigirl to nonbinary. (Still discovering it all though). I just wanted to come on here and thank you so much for all the help and guidance that you provided! It really means a lot and you are the most amazing human in the world for that! 🫶🏼

Ok now lastly I am a uni student, and I have placement in 2 weeks. I’m going to a school to teach… yes I’m going to be a teacher (like you!) Clothes were the initial issue with placement as clothes always make me feel dysphoric, but you helped me with that as well! The thing that’s keeping me up lately is the title of what the students will call me. Most teachers go by Ms/Miss/Mrs/Mr and then their last names. I don’t want that. I know I’ll end up being called Ms ______, which makes me sad. What do students call you? Do you think it’s bad if I just tell them I want to be called by my first name or is that unprofessional? I know this is silly and I shouldn’t be overthinking it but it’s making me feel uncomfortable and sad so I thought I’d ask you for advice. (I also don’t know how I feel about Mx being used for me).

Again Cas, thank you for all the help you have provided me these last few months! I am so glad I found your blog when I did bc you have helped me in more ways than I ever could have imagined! I am so so grateful for you and I hope you have everything you want in life bc you deserve it!

Enjoy your day/night :)

Hi!!!

Yes, I remember you!

Okay so for sexuality...I think this is a matter of opinion, to be honest. Like, I've read completely different things and I am by NO means an expert. But in MY opinion? If you have the ability to be attracted to anyone, regardless of gender, that would be pan. Even if you have preferences. But if you're strictly only looking for certain genders, that would be bi. I hope that makes sense? Like there's a difference between having a preference and not being attracted at all.

I'm so glad I could help you with your gender! With teaching, have you ever considered just going by your last name? I think it might not be a good idea to go by first name, just because that brings you on a 'friend-level' and some kids will take advantage about it. But just your last name isn't gendered, and also give you some authority.

I'm so so glad I could help you, and please feel free to write again!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: impressive anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[multigenderswag]

I designed the first transmascfem flag. I too was questioning if I'm intersex or not. I had ambivalent opinions whether it's intersex-exclusive or not.

The pressure that certain labels bring is the fault of cisnormativity. because of my sex traits, bio-essentialists would say I'm no fem (currently) and I have no right to reclaim (identity lane for self-identifying as) transfem. if genders are social/sociopolitical aspects of us, why not could we experience such trans identities?

in the past, many people satirized us as recugender, circumgender (formerly "specialgender"), etc. but now I see a shift from a movement of people reclaiming "amab transmasc", neoagabs/agabless/agab nonconforming, etc. I think this is so accepting of people like me, who is "cis-coded"/"cis-passing" and hypermasculine-presenting.

but I know that if I say I'm transmasc, people would assume I have a specific corporeality. and that's the biopolitical communication that labels bring. that's why I prefer to stay (internally) indifferent towards specific things of my gender when I'm talking with supposedly cisnormative binary-minded people

I think the flag you designed is very pretty :)

Thanks for sharing! Transfemmasc/amab transmasc/afab transfem are all very interesting labels that it's good to hear more about.

[greenbergsays]

Okay but I’ve been in this body for forty four years and literally just in the last two months I think I’ve finally figured out my gender. Think being the key word, we’ll see if it sticks. I’m AFAB and just always kinda assumed I was cis cause well, I wasn’t trans. But I realized that I also don’t care about how I’m gendered or pronouned, it’s all eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ to me, use what you want. Then I heard someone use the term “gender apathetic” and YES. That’s it, sounds perfect to me. So I’m not cis, trans or some secret third thing, I just don’t care 🤣

I don't really know what I am, except that I don't think I'm cisgendered hence why I've taken on nonbinary. It's a nice umbrella term, like "queer," that says, "who knows but Not That."

I don't even know why it matters to me to understand it at this stage in my life, because I've never actually cared before beyond the stubborn belief that what's between my legs shouldn't dictate anything about my life, including how I'm viewed or treated

[Side note: I have always intensely hated that men will not allow me, an AFAB/fem-presenting person, to hold the door open for them as a courtesy, and my mother has never really understood why I have such a problem with them refusing to walk through said door]

The only reason I can think of on why it matters is I've spent my whole life feeling Othered in one way or another and every time I find a label that explains why I feel a particular way, it settles that part of wounded-teenager-slash-inner-child that's convinced that I'm broken. Because if there's a label, that means a bunch of other people the same way and I'm not alone or weird.

That being said, I've spent more than half my life being Aunt [Dessie] and I can't see that changing to any other title. Like, weirdly, Aunt and Sister and even Daughter don't feel gendered to me, it's part of who I am and if I'm any of those things but my brain sort of slides sideways when I'm referred to as a girl/woman, then...well, then nothing is as cut and dry as everyone wants to make it out to be

idk man, the human brain is just super messy and complicated and the fact that we try to put everyone into boxes when those boxes never fit quite right is just weird and very, very sad

I wish it didn't matter and we could just BE without worrying about having to explain ourselves or face repercussions because we feel This Way instead of That Way

[bungoustraypups]

idk man i just really think that if u genuinely believe that fic authors are required to care about characters they dont care about and make content for characters or ships they dont care about just to prove theyre not secretly misogynists uh. i dont think you actually care about how theyre actually treating real women. because you seem to be using solely the characters they choose to write self-indulgent free fanworks about as the metric to define that instead of, yknow. anything else they do. or at least youre putting a whole lot of emphasis on it

also theres quite a few lesbians ive met who actually dont write men. some even genderbend, whether thru a cis-swap where theyre now AFAB cis women or thru trans headcanons or whatever, canonically male characters so they dont have to write about men. theyre a minority in most animanga and other mainstream fandoms ive seen but as i am not in every fandom nor am i privy to the inner workings of every fandom idk how like, rare those ppl actually are compared to authors who exclusively or mostly write abt men

also like. not sorry for this one, but as a nonbinary trans man who is not a woman even a little bit and refuses to be seen as one or associate myself with womanhood because i am not a woman, it is specifically irritating to me to be told this, because i tend to write most about the characters i project on to or see myself reflected in, and, unsurprisingly, 99% of those characters are men, or can be read as men or are men at least some of the time, or more masculine in presentation

jasper from SU has always been my favorite gem and i didn't get invested in the series until she showed up, for example, and i heavily project onto her and see my experiences in her, despite her being considered woman-aligned, which i have no problem with and am actually glad about because there's not a whole lot of very masculine/butch women in mainstream media to start with, though i wish the show had been more sympathetic with her considering she's literally an abuse victim but i digress

but i often don't write for female or fem-presenting canon characters, or focus many of my fics on them, because in order for me to really get attached to a pre-existing character not of my own creation in a series, i need to be able to see some aspect of myself in them, or they need to have something that makes me interested in their story and draws me towards them. but seeing myself reflected in a character who is a woman or identifies mostly or often as a woman is dysphoria-inducing for me. that's why most of the female characters i write for are my own OCs, because i created them, which means a little piece of me goes into them, which means i'm able to have that connection i often lack with canon characters. i also tend to make the most content for characters i feel attracted towards, who are always men because i'm gay lmao

like i'm not misogynistic or a misogynist. i don't hate women. it's just that between my writing process and the canon characters my brain gets attached to, when i write fic, i write about the canon characters i care about the most, who most often tend to be men because i'm mostly in fandoms of male character-dominated series where the women are either uninteresting, poorly written, or extremely minor, or all three in the worst case scenario. and since i do this for fun, i'm not gonna waste my time writing something i'm not 100% passionate about just because there's a lack of f/f and women-centric content like

that's a problem! but it's a problem that can be just as easily fixed by the people who are demanding more content themselves if they, yknow, actually made some. which a lot of them don't

[bruderlieben]

You have both "women dni" and "non-men dni" in different areas of your blog, where do non-binary folk stand in regards to your blog? (Love your blog, but don't want to make you uncomfortable)

It's a slippery slope. Someone started a whole discussion on our old blog about "why do you not want people to interact with you just because they like a certain pronoun?"

I really don't want to return to that discussion, I'll be honest.

The reason we never give a clear answer is because it changes according to each alter.

We are queer in many different fashions. Most of us are aromantic, some of us fluctuate between hypersexuality and asexuality, some have a slight interest in women while most of us are gay men. The body is AFAB and we are currently transitioning (we started T before we knew we were a system), and 9/10 of our alters are queer men.

One of us might say "I'm fine with trans people of all genders interacting, even trans women, I don't mind sharing kink with trans people of all identities",

while another might say "ONLY TRANS MEN. NO CIS MEN, ONLY TRANS.",

while yet another might say "as long as they don't present femininely, even butch/masc lesbians would be fine".

What I'm trying to say is: the answer depends on who's fronting. We have a hard time agreeing on this ourselves. As a compromise, we just figured "non-men DNI", because we are mostly attracted to men. Masculinity.

We are in no position to judge how another person identifies. It's none of our business.

However, I (Ajax 🤍) am uncomfortable with the thought of women or fem-presenting people interacting with our very MLM homoerotic posts. I am not comfortable with being fetishized. I am not comfortable with women intruding in our sexual space. This content is not made for them, it's made for mascs and men. Women are allowed to say "men dni". We are, too.

This is not about misogyny; it's not about hating women or thinking lesser of them. This is about sexual and romantic preference. I don't want to see she/her users interacting with our sexual MLM content.

A quick guide by Ajax:

He/him: Fuck yeah, come in!

He/they: Yes! Go ahead!

They/them: Generally alright.

Neo pronouns: Generally alright.

She/him/they: Thin ice, might get blocked if we don't vibe with your blog.

She/they: No.

She/her: Absolutely not.

[theharrowing]

Hey babes.

Just wanted to chime in and share my experience with bi men lol (I found the anons take so interesting).

My experience is the total opposite of this anon, as a bi (somehow clostet woman at least). I’ve dated a bi guy like 6 years ago back when I was very ignorant and homophobic (I’m so ashamed of those days) and I thought I was strictly straight so I just rejected him. He then told me he had like 90% preferences for women only.

And since I’ve realized I’m bi I’ve dated few bi men here and there and they’ve all told me they had stronger preference. And since I have 0 chance of ever coming out lol I’m mostly open about it if someone brings up the topic so I’m always glad when I encounter a bi guy that is willing to be himself with me and let me trust him to open up.

So basically what I’m trying to say is all these men mostly told me that even though the women to men ratio wasn’t the same, it was almost easier to hook up with men. Men are easier and less complicated about these things and that straight women can be biphobic towards them (hurts me that I someday was that straight woman yikes 🥴).

Bisexual men are so precious to me and they deserve all the love and acceptance in the world. I’ll fight the world for them 🥹 and I hope bi men with strong preference for men are still valid and wanted and that they should never be questioned about their bisexuality and attraction for women💙💓💜

i think that, when we’re young and we don’t have things all the way figured out, we tend to be problematic. especially if we are grappling with our own feelings? when i was dealing with heavy gender dysphoria, before i knew i was non-binary (or agender or whatever, i still don't fully know how i feel in my skin and bones) i had some intrusive thoughts/feelings that i feel would have been transphobic. i don't even really know how to verbalize them, but i think it had to do with "passing" and "looking/acting" a certain way, because i had a lot of negative feelings about myself that i was projecting onto others (i never expressed these thoughts to anyone!!!!! i have always done my best to be understanding and a safe person for others. but the fact that i had these thoughts does haunt me.) and this is not to say that your experience is anything like that, but i think that for people grappling with these very personal feelings, there are often similar things going on.

going to put this under a cut bc my feelings are big.

gosh, it's been so long since i have heard anyone talk about their attraction on like a ratio basis, but i remember my ex girlfriend in college (the first time) making fun of me because i told her i thought i was "at least 75% attracted to women" alskdjaslkdjasljd like what does that even mean??? but i guess some people may look at it in terms of percentages. i am also interested in non-cis and non-binary people so i wouldn't be able to pie chart my feelings as easily. 😅😂

if we do speak in terms of mostly the gender binary, i think that bi men/amab who like women/fem-presenting people get the same amount of biphobia as bi women/afab who like men/masc.-presenting people, because i have only ever experienced it while dating men and masc-presenting people. and it's so so so frustrating like what part of "i am attracted to my gender and other genders" is hard to understand??? that includes literally anybody i want it to.

i don't know if pansexuals get this same kind of hate, but if you do, i am sorry and i love you.

BISEXUAL MEN ARE PRECIOUS TO ME. everyone is precious to me. cishets are on thin ice but if you show me that i can trust you and that i am safe with you, then you are precious to me too.

ALSO YOU JAZZY mentioned you can't come out, and i am sorry to see that. if you ever need to talk about anything, please dm me! day and night! i'll likely be awake!!! 💖💖💖

[fuckmyskywalker]

hey this is totally a well-meaning question: how can you identify as a he/him but write from a female perspective, go by a female name and im assuming maintain your fem appearance too? genuinely just after some insight so i can better understand bc im confused

It's alright. Just remember that not everyone likes when people ask about their gender expression/identity! I don't mind, but for others it may be a sensitive topic, and you did it respectfully, but not everyone can handle it the same way.

In the section "About me" I stated that I'm genderfluid, which means I don't have a specific pronoun that I stick to. Genderfluid means that they can be one gender, multiple or non at all. A lot of people mix "Gender expression" and "Gender identity", and it's understandable to be confused! These sort of topics and their awareness are somewhat new (despite existing for a while, but I'm trying to signal that until recently, they had been sort of "labeled").

Gender identity: Is how a person decides to identify themselves. Cis (which would be that they are identified with their assigned gender when they were born), and Non Cis (Which are the ones who do not identify with their assigned gender at birth). Although, I have to point out that Intersex people do exist! (Which is a difference in the chromosomes, gonads and other patterns that we are born with). There are others such as bigender, non binary, agender... etcetera.

Gender expression: Like the name says it, is the way we present ourselves to the world. It can be with our names (or chosen names), clothing, attitude and other social expressions.

These two terms hold hands but they aren't attached to the hip. You can be AFAB and still identify with "He/him" (or any other pronouns), or you can be AFAB and do identify with "She/Her". You can be AMAB and still enjoy things labeled as "feminine" under the social stereotypes.

Like I stated before, I am a Genderfluid person. I don't really care about pronouns, but I do have a preference over "he/him" if we don't interact much or if we don't know each other at all. Why? Well, because that's how I feel comfortable, which is a key word for these type of explanations. I do go by a rather feminine name, yes; a lot of people decide to go by their birth name (because they are comfortable with it), while others pick a name for themselves (like me ;) !!!). I don't think the names are much of an influence, since they are just a name, what to call you! Keep in mind that a lot of people will have a nickname online, so they don't give away their personal info (In my case, I picked my name since my birth name can be complicated for some people to pronounce).

As for writing, well that's another topic. I mostly write from a female perspective since I'm AFAB, and it's easier for me to explain those sort of interactions, feelings and expressions. I am not opposed to write for Gender Neutral reader or Male reader, I'm just not used to it but I might give it a shot in the future. When it comes to writing, I feel like that tangles with your style and prose, not much with how you express/identify yoursellf.

Once again, gender expression it's a different thing. I present my style more on the feminine spectrum, but that doesn't mean I am cis! I personally think clothes shouldn't have a gender, if you like it, you like it! There's no other way around it. I cannot change my face structure or body type, I have tits, yes, but honestly? anyone can have tits.

At the end of the day, I think it's not much about how someone decides to express and/or identify themselves, it's the way they act and their personality what matters!

I hope I answered your question!

[system-society]

Hi! I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to ask something like this, but do you have any advice for transfem alters in afab bodies or transmasc alters in amab bodies?

I’m one of the only fem-aligned alters in an overwhelmingly transgender afab system. Our lives and existence is framed by our trans experience - it’s something that significantly affects everyone in the system. All of us are either transmasc, nonbinary, or xenogender, and then there’s me. Despite being in a body assigned female at birth, I do not identify or relate to the experiences of cis women. I feel like a trans woman entirely. In the headspace I have male parts and get phantom dysphoria over it sometimes. I don’t feel cis, not even a little bit, nor do I feel nonbinary or like a demigirl or something else. I fully feel like a woman of trans experience.

This has been causing me so much grief and shame. I know our body is afab, I know we are not affected by transmisogyny. I hate myself because I feel like I’m being transphobic just by existing, but this is truly something about myself I cannot change. I have felt this way ever since we formed as a system over 20 years ago, and the shame has only gotten worse with time.

Do you have any advice for me on how I can change this aspect of myself? Is it wrong to be a transfem alter in an afab system? Is my existence harming trans women? I really don’t want to harm others by merely existing, and I am so ashamed of the way I exist, present, and understand myself. Truly I don’t know what to do.

Thank you so much for reading this. I’m so sorry if this sort of ask isn’t welcome here. I hope you’re doing well and have a wonderful day!

Hey there anon. I want to reassure you that you are NOT harming trans women by existing. You do not need to feel ashamed. You’re a trans woman in a afab sys, end of discussion. Your dysphoria is just as real as inhuman alters and trans alters.

We are an afab sys with too much testosterone and have been harassed and presumed a transwoman so many times, our experience does not dismiss amab people. Your experience is unique and as long as you do not speak over amab transwoman, you cannot harm them. You have your own struggles and issues unique to being a system member. But above all you are you, no matter what gender you identify. You are not transphobic by existing and never will be—you couldn’t control it!

I hope you find security and love anon, you deserve it.

[evilmageclub]

samsam gender thoughts

making a separate post rather than appending this to lrb in tags because this is is extremely unrelated to the actual real issues op is talking about, but the assumption about what genitals trans people have is something i think about a lot while trying to figure out how to tag my samsam gender headcanons on ao3 lol

in the end i generally tag my fics as 'trans samot' because i write him with a pussy and t-dick usually, and that-- or guys with phallo/meta-- is what the 'trans male character' tag generally seems to be used for. so while i headcanon samothes as equally trans, because i present him in a way that is indistinguishable from him having 'cis male anatomy' (apart from drawing him with symbolic top surgery scars sometimes) i don't feel justified in tagging him as trans also.

it's a little complicated because they're gods! samothes in canon is a self-crafted archetype of masculinity-- flawed and human in his personal realisation of that identity, but he did give himself that Artificer-Divine Patented Gender Affirming Surgery and forged his idealised body in a volcano at the dawn of time. this is as much of a conscious performance as samot's shapeshifting is; samothes defines himself by his identity as an unchanging paternal bastion, a caretaker, a man ingenious enough to perfect himself without input or influence (that last point is where he differs from galenica in the samsam and severea/galenica parallel. but thats another post)

meanwhile, samot is a being who took his selfhood from severea and still holds a great deal of embodied admiration for her-- he also very clearly holds samothes' gender as aspirational, but takes pleasure in subverting it even when he pays worship to it, which is one reason why i think he flaunts a disregard for gendered bodily norms as often as he can. because of the specifics of his and samothes' history, i think samot's relationship to being a man is inextricable from his (fraught but inescapable) relationship with godhood and kingship. i really don't think of him as 'afab', nor samothes as 'amab' at alll (samothes made the M. originated it. samot stole the F from severea, he wasnt assigned anything..) but i havent been too effective in communicating this in fic

in the end, samsam's contrasting relationship to gender for me is less a dichotomy between cis and trans (or masc and fem, which in some ways they are) than a juxtaposition between static and dynamic modes of self-definition that obviously plays out elsewhere in their story. i just think it is fun to think about but i feel like i often fall short of communicating it in stories where it isnt the focus.... you are free to ignore all this and think i have just given samot the same non-op trans man anatomy that i have myself because i find it sexy.

maybe one day i will write a fic that more explicitly addresses this and then will feel justified in tagging them both as trans going forward

[rjalker]

people thinking "fem(inine)-presenting" and "AFAB" are the same thing....like ah yes, yet another asshole who thinks AFAB trans people are all women.

Stop calling people masculine/male-presenting and feminine/female-presenting as though that's something you get to assign people based on the gender they were assigned at birth.

Saying AFAB people are "feminine-presenting" literally just means the only thing you care about in regards to our gender is what we currently look like, despite the fact that the majority of us are either too poor or disabled to present the way we want to, or that you will just overlook whatever our desired presentation is and just fucking assign us feminine presenting anyways.

I was literally just thinking of that screenshotted TikTok on here from a few months ago where the person was saying they were wearing their masculine clothes and it was just comfy fucking pajamas and everyone and their grandma, both on TikTok and here on Tumblr, decided that transmisia is okay now, as long as you're making fun of someone for... *checks notes* not looking enough like the gender they identify with.

Because according to everyone who reblogged that post to mock that person like they'd never known that bullying people and being transmisc is wrong, the only way to be masculine is...to be buff, and have a deep voice, and have short hair, and not have boobs, and wear nothing but Acceptably Masculine clothes.

What clothes would those be, you ask?

None! Because once you've decided that someone doesn't look trans enough and doesn't look masculine enough for their identity to be respected, nothing they can do will fucking ever be good enough. Because next you'll laugh that they're "trying too hard"

This is literally the same shit trans women have to deal with but in reverse! Either they're not feminine enough, because they're wearing comfortable clothes and aren't spending an hour in front of the mirror before they leave the house and buying 100s of dollars in makeup, or if they do put effort into their appearance, then suddenly they're trying too hard and making a caricature of femininity!

Cis men get to fucking dress however the fuck they want without People Who Supposedly Have Morals™ mocking them for not being masculine enough.

But these same People Who Supposedly Have Morals™ will happily turn around to mock and harass as trans person for not being masculine enough because they're wearing comfortable clothes.

Cis women get to dress however the fuck they want, and wear no makeup at all, without People Who Supposedly Have Morals™ mocking them or saying they aren't really a woman.

But then turn around to harass trans women for putting the exact same level of effort into their presentation, because nothing they do is ever good enough!

Trans people are either "not trying hard enough" or "trying too hard"! You can't fucking win!

And it's not even just fucking cis people doing this shit, because most of the people reblogging that hateful post to mock someone for not looking masculine enough to meet their standards, were, themselves, trans!

TLDR:

Stop calling AFAB people "feminine-presenting" and stop calling AMAB people "masculine-presenting" unless those are literally their self-identifiers. You are literally just being transmisic and exorsexist.

The only people who get to choose, for real, what they look like are abled people with shit tons of disposable income. Most trans people will not ever even be able to afford to fucking medically transition.

[starlightrosari]

TLDR; stop assuming for trans people how they should/want to look

Warning: potentially triggering post for transphobia (particularly enbyphobia and transmasc phobia). Read at your own discretion.

I feel so much pressure to conform to one of two types of appearances as an afab nonbinary person and I realized recently that I’m not okay with that. You’re either supposed to make cis people happy by being essentially just a fancy word for cis women (hence “women and nonbinary only” spaces existing. This is not inclusion, it’s conformity to cis ideals that invalidate your own identity by misrepresenting it) and presenting ultra fem just not using the same pronouns or ultra masc to the point where you’re essentially a boy only because you id as nonbinary everyone knows you’re afab and has that guide the way they see you (hence “no cis men allowed” spaces and zero visibility or positivity of “amab” nonbinary people who also present masculinely). I realized these two ideas thrown my way of how I should be has caused me a lot of discomfort and confusion in discovering my personal style preferences. I based it off the expectations and comfort of other people and not my own. While I don’t personally care that much how people see me, wether that be as cis male passing or nonbinary androgynous/ambiguous or even as a girl or a trans boy, I still won’t settle for looking less than how I feel I am. I have a complicated relationship to feminine expression of style, and often times when people have preached to me that “clothes don’t have gender,” it’s felt undermining of my own feelings, invalidating to my efforts on looking more androgynous, and even lead to confusion of my personal development of style, making me conform to ideals of how a woman should look that I’m trying to run away from, which loops back to confusion of my gender and wondering if I’m just a cis girl only to realize I never wanted to look fem in the first place. While I think it’s important to have positivity in fem nonbinary people, and it was encouraging to me exploring my gender early in coming to terms with being nonbinary, at a certain point it held me back discovering how I really feel. I want to remind you all that there’s a lot more nuance in how you can look nonbinary. For me it was learning I can look masculine in a princely and fun way that didn’t take away from the glitz I’ve come to love in feminine clothing, and that there is a way I can dress that includes influence of feminine style without the discomfort of it making me appear like a cis women. I know you should just present in a way that’s comfortable to you and not worry about what other people think, but sometimes these positivity posts fail to recognize that there are nonbinary and trans masc people who do really love dressing masculine, even if it’s in a unique way or they aren’t following through with an expected transition (ie harmones, binding, and top surgery).

[queerkuro]

trans arankita? 🥺👉👈

OF COURSE I CAN TALK ABOUT TRANS ARANKITA THAT'S WHAT STARTED THIS!!!!!!!

send me and bex characters to trans

listen. yall. i've said it so many times but arankita makes me so fucking feral i can go on and on about them i feel like this is gonna get so long too yall are giving me the best reasons to ramble

i know you asked for arankita, but i'll do them separate and together like i did for the others!

so aran!

i fucking love aran and he is so transable. you can really just trans him. he's perfect. i love him. transmasc aran? perfect. transfem aran? perfect. enby aran? perfect.

recently i've been really loving nonbinary aran, but i'm gonna talk in general first. i think he thought a lot about his transition. he did research and tried shit out on his own before he told anyone. not to get too serious, but i am in my psychology research brain today. i do think that he does really have to think about the intersections of being black in general, being black in japan, and being a black trans person. he has to be careful about how he goes about his transition, but i think he has a really good support system, and his family is really supportive of him.

i think transmasc aran gets top surgery as soon as he can, but i've been thinking about afab enby (and/or genderfluid!) aran who doesn't get top surgery but will bind. basically my thoughts on that for aran is they use they/he/she pronouns, but only for other trans people. cis people are lucky to even perceive them so cis people can only use they/them. trans people are also more than welcome to use gendered language with him, because he knows that they know she isn't part of the binary. i also love thinking about aran switching between fem/masc/gnc presenting, or mixing it all up!

i also like to think that aran likes to try different styles with their hair, and will try different styles of braids or other protective styles to see how they can express gender that way, you know?

also, sidenote, the twins (also trans) are so fucking in love with aran, and they think she's SO gender

and speaking of being so gender - kita!

kita is up there with akaashi on being very gender for me. idk what it is about him but he's just...gender.

(one of the very first hq fics i read was about enby kita, and i still think about it a lot)

i tend to lean towards enby kita, but transmasc/transfem kita is amazing too. i loooooove the conversations me and bex have about fem kita

i think kita has to be told by other trans people that cis people don't think about gender like that, and he's just kinda like "oh" and then is trans lmao

no matter which way kita is trans, i don't think they have much dysphoria, but i do think afab kita gets super dysphoric about their period (not projecting at all idk what you're talking about) but it's partly because of trans shit but also because of autism (no i will not be taking criticisms, kita is autistic it's canon...i can also tell yall my autism hcs...)

transfem kita is so fun to write! i think about her a lot. i think she so fun. i think because she works on the farm, she doesn't usually wear revealing clothes, and because of that, no one really sees the changes to her body from hrt (and top surgery lmao) so when she finally wears like shorts and a tank top or something she kills literally everyone that sees her

honestly tho, i love love love any trans kita, but they/them nonbinary kita just really hits for me. i don't have anything else to say about it lmao

moving onto arankita

the reason this whole think started is because i was rambling to @thegaycodedvolleyballhimbos about nonbinary lesbians arankita

i think aran was like "i'm nonbinary" and kita was like oh sick gender and now is also nonbinary lmao. also they are lesbians.

so we were talking about afab aran (they/he/she) and amab kita (she/they) and they're both on hrt but opposite ways

...that's pretty much it. they're nonbinary. they're lesbians. they're in love!

but i do have a hilarious fic idea that i really want to write that i desperately want to share! basically it's transmasc kita, but he's stealth. except he doesn't know he's stealth. he doesn't really think about the fact that no one ever sees him change or anything, and he's just a guy so like. there's nothing to talk about? but then he and aran are making out and getting handsy and aran feels his binder/bra and is confused. so kita tells him he can take it off and aran is like what. and after some confusion kita is like aran. you know what a bra is. and aran is like but???? why are you wearing it?????? and kita is like i'm trans. literally everyone knows this. you know that aran. but aran very much did not know that

anyway this is so fucking long i could keep going about arankita but like my previous responses about this, i will stop here lmao

@emosuna

(reminder while we're here that trans is an umbrella term, nonbinary is under the trans umbrella, and nonbinary is also an umbrella term that covers identities like genderfluid, genderqueer, bigender, etc.)

[transenbyconfessions]

I'm transfem (amab) literally all my friends are afab or cis girls. Not only do I stick out like sore thumb (I'm still growing out my hair and forced to present masc. I do dress fem but but most people assume I'm a queer man) But I get this werid exsistenal dysphoria about childhood. I've heard all there stories and trauma growing up afab, its really alienating, and I'm jealous. They had something I want so badly while I sat their repressing everything. Its wrong to want other peoples trauma.