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#watching this while writing a paper so i remember to source things i'm not even joking cause i'm bad at remembering lmao
doueverwonder · 10 months
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"now this is jouranlism yee-hawwwwwww"
Mr. Guy please.
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fairuzfan · 6 months
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shalom sister. i love your blog and your writing. reading your posts always fills me with fire, i can tell you have a good heart. donating to your campaign makes me feel so good because i trust you and truly you are doing gds work. anyway i wanted to ask you a question!
when i hear new things from gaza, stories of hamas doing X and IOF doing Y, i ask around and i’m not sure what parts of that story is true, if any. anyway idk what to believe all i know is that israel is committing acts of genocide and while the rest of the world is allowing this greatest evil, israel pretends that to be jewish is to be a colonizer. anyway some of my family are zionists, but i cannot sway them because they only know farsi persian and hebrew, aka only trust extremely biased sources.
anyway i am fluent in english farsi and hebrew but my arabic is trash ): so i feel like i can’t get the full picture from palestinians. all i can read are bonkers iranian papers and the disgusting zionist articles, it’s horrible because i know they’re both lying, just about different things. a palestinian opinion is the only opinion i care about right now! anyway it got me thinking. i just wanted to know if you have tips for verifying online research? or go-to non arabic websites? or even a translation app haha. i just want my family to see the truth!
shalom<3
shalom! thank you so much for reaching out, i really appreciate it.
personally, i use different sources for different material. i use middle east eye (specifically maha hussaini) and also mahmoud abusalama for videos of what it's like in the north. i use the electronic intifada interview podcasts to learn about specific things happening (i just finished watching this one about the collapse of healthcare in gaza). i would check out @northgazaupdates on here too. there's euromedmonitor as well.
and really, there are a lot of diaspora palestinians who are relaying what their family tells them, and they post on twitter a lot. someone i know does this is samah fadil. there's also @el-shab-hussein who translates things from Mona. here's mohammad smiry who is in gaza and tweets primarily in english. dr. mustafa elmasri also tweets in english too.
i would use al-jazeera, i have a fact checking guide here about any news source really. i don't use it as much but there's also the palestine chronicle. sometimes i use quds news network.
i really don't know much about hebrew media so i can't really tell you about sources i recommend there. i don't know if @bringmemyrocks or @rodeodeparis can perhaps provide some input?
i will say, if you're looking for hebrew palestinian media, i dont think there's too much because there's a ridiculous amount of censorship in '48 right now (honestly it's been going on for years atp) but what a lot of palestinians are doing is relying on internal networks. if you want, there are some israeli historians like Ilan Pappe and Avi Shlaim but I'm not sure if they write in hebrew. but they for sure write in english and provide a historical perspective from within israeli society itself.
this is what comes to mind rn honestly, but i haven't even touched on instagram because i haven't been on it in a while. i might add on later if i remember any really vital ones that i recommend.
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beesmygod · 5 months
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today is webcomics day. i am bea and i make "A Ghost Story" - part 1: pre-gaming
webcomic day is a yearly celebration of the art form concocted by the screentones podcast team as a way for people to see how the sausage gets made. my webcomic "a ghost story" has been running for over 10 years, and yet i still don't think i can say i am good at making a webcomic. regardless, the comic is getting made because otherwise i become very, very sick in the head. today i would like to share with you the process of making a page of "A Ghost Story" from start to finish. either this demystifies the process or will make you think im so cool and strong for doing this 2x a week. instead of reblogging this one post until it gets very long, i will be posting individual updates that i will then compile and post on my personal website. block the tags now if you HATE comics and want them to EXPLODE.
if you have any questions, even things like "what the fuck are you even talking about" feel free to ask. i want to feel confident in what i make again and i think sometimes interrogation from an outside source is really
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that said, let's get started. wait just kidding i want a cup of coffee first, hold on.
ok now im ready. i have a big glass of water. i have coffee. i have a headset for the parts of work that don't involve typing words. i can't type words and listen to some streamer babble in my ear at the same time, so it has to be instrumental music or nothing. i just took my meds so they should kick in after about 30 mins. i woke up late today, which is weird and annoying. but maybe i can work late instead.
first off, i need to know where i'm going beyond this one page. if i dont know where im going with something, then i usually create something that sucks that i have to deal with later. hold on my internet died, i have to reset the router. ok, anyway.
what's rattling around in my brain is that not only do i have to deal with maxine's current predicament, i am also dealing with multiple plot elements i need to wrap back around to from the previous chapter. luckily, im about to put maxine down for a nap, which means i can get back to those other elements:
i need to finish the exposition from the three ankou characters for this story arc establishing their motivations as the oppositional force in the story. the "villain" is not these three specifically, but their boss. they need to have a loose understanding of what's going on in order to communicate this to the audience. god this started turning into a huge ass paragraph so i'll just keep it short there.
we've jumped back to before jack's horrible day from the first chapter of this storyline so we have to make our way back toward that and then lapping it, which means wrapping up his various open threads like:
feeding victoria and learning something new about her
finding out alice is a very exceptional employee who is getting many awards
watching valdo call lily while interrupting her during something personal to ask her for help with maxine's situation.
jack meeting with valdo and lily the day after they first met so jack can just tell them straight up that lily has 4 sisters she doesnt know about.
help that girl with her poltergeist problem. remember that. i've had jokes for this rattling in my head for like 4 years. im going insane.
and also the fucking tilberi!!! that has a point its going somewhere!!! there's a larger menace here!!!
other things to set up the climax of this storyline. sexual tensions, hints at larger emotional problems not immediately evident to the reader
lots of moving parts. and i feel like im moving in slow motion to get to them. i can see them all weaving together in my head, its the process of putting that onto paper that's proving difficult.
ok that took an hour starting and stopping. -_- let me write the next part as i keep brainstorming on how to approach this page. taking a "rubber duck" approach to this might help. heres an image from the last page i worked on (i have a 5 page buffer rn so the site does not match the finished pages) to get us semi-situated.
Tumblr media
also because images will help people understand what skill level we're working with here. i need to be able to communicate an idea to the audience; if the art also looks good on top of that, then that's just an added bonus. but the ability to communicate my ideas is sometimes hampered by my lack of artistic skill or comics language ineptitude. like those speech bubbles kind of fucking suck but at a certain point you have to just hit print on what you're working on in order to keep your already glacial pace.
webcomics is a tightrope act where you're also spinning 4 plates at once. the trick is to keep the audience from realizing how many actually fall or how wobbly they all are. the act sucks but technically its not a failure.
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nayialovecat · 1 year
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Former Bishops and Lamb (fragment)
About Hell of the Gods a little. Lamb tries to be a good new god of life and death and show respect to defeated enemies, but with their reluctance, it's not easy…
This is Lamb's second visit to the Hell of the Gods. In the first, they fixed what Narinder had done - for everyone except Shamura.
The fragment comes from the 10th volume (which is currently being written), from chapter 1 - In the Hell of the Gods. I avoid the spoilers.
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Chapter 1 - In the Hell of the Gods
They lifted everything into the air and stepped into a familiar corridor with barred cells. They put things on the table and then flew up to the levers lifting the bars. "Well, let's jump," they muttered. "At most, I'll destroy everything if I get pissed, right?"
"Don't even joke like that," snorted Red Crown, but seemed amused by such a concept.
The bars went up. At this the creatures behind them twitched. Lamb sank to the edge of the table and waited a moment while the distrustful former Bishops hesitated to leave their cells. After a moment, Leshy was the first to emerge, with a deft glide he found his way to the table and grew in front of Lamb like a mountain. He blinked his four intensely pink eyes.
"Oh, the sacrificial beast is back," he shouted behind him.
"I'm back and I have for you what you asked for... and what you didn't ask for," announced Lamb cheerfully, and then lifted the things destined for Leshy with a flick of their finger. "I figured that seeds alone won't do you much good, so here are some other things too... sorry if these tools offend you, I just figured they might be useful... I'll also make you a water source in the cell right away to water your crops, but for light I don't think I can do much... maybe some miniature sun? Glowing mushrooms? I'm not sure how plants work, especially such dead ones..."
"Hmm..." Leshy let out a murmur, but his eyes lit up as he recognized the seeds. "Your followers grow such species of flowers?"
"They do. I have many enthusiasts in the village, every now and then they order or bring in new seeds. You can't even imagine how beautifully the temple is decorated for each flowering festival, weddings or the fedtival of the Sky Fires."
Shamura stood slightly off to the side and watched Lamb. They immediately flew up to them, levitating the books behind them. The spider stepped back, refusing to be touched. "I didn't choose these books, but trusted your former vessels... The Council was very helpful," Lamb announced, trying to get closer. However, the spider kept their distance and the small leader knew why. They sighed. "They also advised me against healing your wounds, and seeing your reluctance to do so, I think I will temporarily give up. I'm in no hurry to hemorrhage my brain. But don't think I'm abandoning the idea altogether, Shamura. I will still help you. Just... not now."
"It's... bad idea..." whispered the spider, and then accepted the books. They looked through the titles. His eyes lit up. "Oh... great... I remember this book... and this one too... maybe it will be easier... will understand..." After a moment, they raised their gaze to Lamb again. There was a trace of the old intelligence in their eyes. Lamb endured the look before it became misty again. "Did you get along... get along with them?" Shamura finally asked, tilting his head. "The Council? Did you have a conversation?"
"Yes. I've formed an alliance with Silk Cradle and I'm on track to appoint a new Bishop there."
The spider's eyes lit up.
(...) "And here, please fo ahead, your things..." said Lamb cheerfully. [Kallamar] was astonished when they pressed a bundle of sheets of paper and a writing pen onto his tentacles.
"I didn't ask for anything," he noted.
"I know, but Narinder revealed to me that you like puzzles, so I asked several people to create puzzles. Would you rather sit and be bored?"
He hesitated. He carefully lifted the first of the cards with one hand. He looked at it. It had a short note at the very top of the page. "Banal," he snorted, but looked intrigued.
"I didn't take you the ink because Narinder said you didn't need it, but..."
He just waved his hand. "Yes, yes.. let it be. I accept your somewhat pathetic gift... although if it was meant as an acknowledgement of my intellect, I feel insulted for now..."
The giant squid retreated to his cell, browsing the pages vaguely and snorting disdainfully. Lamb glanced at the table. The dress for Heket still lay there, and she herself had not moved from her cell. They flew to the table and picked up the dress along with the shawl, then landed on the ground and cautiously moved to one of the middle cells. The light in this one was off.
"Heket? Are you all right? I have something for you too..."
"I didn't ask for anything..." they heard a whisper. They twitched slightly. Was something wrong that she whispered? All in all, they cured her as the last, maybe not completely, maybe something broke... Kallamar had ears and hearing, Leshy could see, but she...
"I know you didn't ask, but Anura inhabitants..." She twitched slightly. They noticed a large shape moving in the darkness, but only slightly, as if she had changed position. She seemed to be lying on the bed. "I don't say followers, because they didn't even know you.... But they found something of yours... Yellow Crown approved it and..."
The shape moved and arose. Lamb lifted their head. Heket was really big compared to them. So after a moment's hesitation, they flew up to her eyes. In the darkness, they could barely see the yellow eyes focused on itself.
"Here. They wanted me to pass this on to you. All of them. Yellow Crown and the beings of Anura."
"Is this..." she began uncertainly, extending her hand. Her long fingers stroked the fabric. "It is so... realistic..."
"It's an exact astral copy of your dress," explained Lamb. "I can't move material things here."
"Did you burn my gown?"
"There was no need to do so. It was enough to give it as a sacrifice without destroying it."
"Get out of my cell."
They was bewildered. Saddened. "Thought you would be happy..." they bubbled uncertainly. "I'm sorry if..."
"Get out," she repeated with a sigh, still in a whisper, and they was certain that she rolled her eyes. All four of them. "I have to change, right?"
They lightened their muzzle slightly. They nodded and wandered out of the cell. They looked over at Leshy, who was already ditching the soil in the seedbed with excitement and placing seeds in it - one at a time, with deep respect. Lamb flew up to him.
"Then where do you want this spring?"
"Anywhere... I do not care about other furniture, you can remove the bed..."
They nodded its head. They lit up their eyes, changing the structure of the cell, and after a while, instead of a bed, there was a water reservoir against the wall, from which a small fountain erupted. "Well, I'm not an artist and engineer like Kallamar, but I guess that's enough, right?"
The worm nodded. He glanced at the lamb. He paused his work for a moment. "But you are aware that I hate you anyway?" He asked with polite curiosity.
"Yes. You have the right to do so."
"Good. If doing you harm wasn't a risk of annihilating my siblings, I wouldn't hesitate to lash out at you and wring your neck."
"Pff... good luck to you, you would have acutely succeeded," snorted Red Crown, although the worm could not hear him.
"I know, a very definite lust for murder beats from you," admitted Lamb.
"It's good that we have that clear. Now get out of my cell. Even if you are the god of life and death, this one piece of your domain belongs to me. Get out of it."
They obediently flew outside the bars. They smiled, however. They hesitated to glance at Kallamar, who didn't even react to the remark about himself, when at that moment it heard a clatter of footsteps. Heket stepped out of her cell. Shamura raised their gaze to her and something in their eyes flashed. Kallamar leaned out of his cell and also froze.
Heket looked truly beautiful. The pink of her dress blended with her red skin in places, making the dress look like it was part of her body, giving her an almost phantom-like appearance. She wrapped a shawl around her neck and tied a bow in the back. The long sleeves reached almost to the ground. She smoothed the folds around her waist uncertainly - she must have once been a bit slimmer, but the dress still lay perfectly on her.
"Well, well, sister..." said appreciatively Kallamar, blinking with obvious satisfaction. "I didn't think I'd see you in that creation yet... let me think.. A dress for the beginning of the flowering season, isn't it?"
She nodded her head beaming.
Shamura walked closer. They hesitated before reaching out a hand to touch the fabric. Heket turned around. "Beautiful..." whispered the spider. "It's been so long since we've seen you like this..."
"True..." Heket lowered her gaze. She was already speaking normally, and her voice delighted Lamb once again. "Since the mutilation by Narinder... I lost the desire to attire myself. I felt ugly... hideous..."
"You were never ugly..." Shamura touched her cheek affectionately. "And now... now you're blooming like you've never been before... Pity, what a pity..."
She blushed. Lamb that was looking at them suddenly felt strangely intrusive.
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Rozdział 1 - W Piekle Bogów
Uniosło wszystko w powietrze i wkroczyło do znajomego korytarza z zakratowanymi celami. Położyło rzeczy na stole, a potem podleciało do dźwigni podnoszących kraty.
- No, to siup... - mruknęło. - Najwyżej rozwalę wszystko, jeśli się wkurzę, tak?
- Nawet sobie tak nie żartuj - prychnęła Czerwona Korona, ale wydawała się być rozbawiona takim konceptem.
Kraty podniosły się. Na to istoty za nimi drgnęły. Jagnię opadło na krawędź stołu i czekało chwilę, podczas gdy nieufni dawni Biskupi wahali się, czy opuścić swoje cele. Po chwili jako pierwszy wyłonił się Leshy, zręcznym ślizgiem znalazł się przy stole i wyrósł przed Jagnięciem niczym góra. Zamrugał swoimi czterema intensywnie różowymi oczami.
- Och, ofiarna bestia wróciła - rzucił za siebie.
- Wróciłom i mam dla was to, o co prosiliście... i to, o co nie prosiliście - oznajmiło wesoło Jagnię, a potem uniosło jednym ruchem palca rzeczy przeznaczone dla Leshego. - Uznałom, że same nasiona na niewiele ci się zdadzą, więc masz tu też kilka innych rzeczy... przepraszam, jeśli te narzędzia cię obrażają, po prostu uznałom, że mogą być przydatne... zrobię ci zaraz także w celi źródło wody do podlewania twoich upraw, ale na światło chyba niewiele poradzę... może jakieś miniaturowe słońce? Świecące grzyby? Nie jestem pewne, jak działają rośliny, zwłaszcza takie martwe...
- Hmm... - Leshy wydał z siebie pomruk, ale oczy mu rozbłysły, gdy rozpoznawał nasiona. - Twoi wyznawcy hodują takie gatunki kwiatów?
- Owszem. Mam w wiosce wielu pasjonatów, co i rusz zamawiają lub sprowadzają nowe nasiona. Nawet sobie nie wyobrażasz, jak pięknie jest przystrojona świątynia na każde święto kwitnienia, śluby czy święto Ogni Niebios.
Shamura stał nieco na uboczu i obserwował Jagnię. To natychmiast podleciało do niego, lewitując za sobą księgi. Pająk cofnął się, nie dając się dotknąć.
- Nie ja wybierałom te księgi, ale zaufałom waszym dawnym naczyniom... Rada okazała się bardzo pomocna - oznajmiło, usiłując bardziej się zbliżyć. Pająk trzymał jednak dystans i mały lider wiedział dlaczego. Westchnął. - Odradziła mi też zaleczenie waszych ran, a widząc waszą niechęć do tego, chyba chwilowo zrezygnuję. Nie spieszno mi do krwotoków mózgu. Ale nie myślcie, że całkowicie porzucam ten pomysł, Shamura. Jeszcze wam pomogę. Tylko... nie teraz.
- To... zły pomysł... - wyszeptał pająk, a potem przyjął księgi. Przeglądał tytuły. Jego oczy rozbłysły. - Och... wspaniale... pamiętam tę księgę... i tę również... może łatwiej... będzie zrozumieć...
Po chwili podniósł znów spojrzenie na Jagnię. W jego oczach był ślad dawnej inteligencji. Jagnię zniosło to spojrzenie, zanim ponownie się zamgliło.
- Dogadałoś... się z nimi? - zapytali wreszcie Shamura, przekrzywiając głowę. - Rada? Rozmawialiście?
- Tak. Zawiązałom sojusz z Silk Cradle i jestem na dobrej drodze do wyznaczenia tam nowego Biskupa.
Oczy pajaka rozbłysły.
(...) - A tutaj, proszę, twoje rzeczy... - rzuciło wesoło Jagnię. [Kallamar] Zdumiał się, gdy wcisnęło mu na macki plik kartek i pióro do pisania.
- O nic nie prosiłem - zauważył.
- Wiem. Ale Narinder zdradził mi, że lubisz zagadki, więc poprosiłom kilka osób o stworzenie zagadek. Wolisz siedzieć i się nudzić?
Zawahał się. Ostrożnie uniósł jedną dłonią pierwszą z kart. Przyjrzał się jej. Miała krótką notatkę na samej górze strony.
- Banalne - prychnął, ale wyglądał na zaintrygowanego.
- Nie wzięłom ci atramentu, bo Narinder powiedział, że go nie potrzebujesz, ale...
Tylko machnął ręką.
- Tak, tak... niech będzie. Przyjmuję twój nieco patetyczny dar... chociaż jeśli miało to być uznanie mojego intelektu, to na razie czuję się obrażony...
Wielka kałamarnica oddaliła się do swojej celi, przeglądając kartki pobieżnie i prychając pogardliwie. Jagnię spojrzało na stół. Szata dla Heket nadal tam leżała, a ona sama nie ruszyła się z celi. Podleciało do stołu i wzięło suknię wraz z szalem, a potem wylądowało na ziemi i ostrożnie ruszyło do jednej ze środkowych cel. Światło w tej było zgaszone.
- Heket? Wszystko w porządku? Dla ciebie też coś mam...
- O nic nie prosiłam... - usłyszał szept. Drgnął lekko. Czy coś się stało, że szeptała? W sumie leczyło ją ostatnią, może nie do końca, może coś się zepsuło... Kallamar miał uszy i słuch, Leshy widział, ale ona...
- Wiem, że nie prosiłaś, ale mieszkańcy Anury...
Drgnęła lekko. Dostrzegł wielki kształt poruszający się w ciemności, ale tylko nieznacznie, jakby zmieniła pozycję. Zdaje się, że leżała na łóżku.
- Nie mówię wyznawcy, bo nawet cię nie znali... ale znaleźli coś twojego... Żółta Korona to zaaprobowała i...
Kształt poruszył się i powstał. Jagnię zadarło głowę. Heket była naprawdę wielka w porówaniu z nim. Po chwili wahania podleciało więc do jej oczu. W mroku ledwo widziało żółte ślepia skupione na sobie.
- Proszę. Chcieli, abym ci to przekazało. Wszyscy. Żółta Korona i istoty z Anury.
- Czy to... - zaczęła niepewnie, wyciągając dłoń. Jej długie palce pogładziły materiał. - Jest taki... realistyczny...
- To dokładna astralna kopia twojej sukni - wyjaśniło Jagnię. - Nie mogę tu przenieść materialnych rzeczy.
- Spaliliście moją suknię?
- Nie było potrzeby. Wystarczyło złożyć ją w darze bez potrzeby niszczenia.
- Wyjdź z mojej celi.
Zdumiało się. Posmutniało.
- Myślałom, że się ucieszysz... - bąknęło niepewnie. - Przepraszam, jeśli...
- Wyjdź - powtórzyła z westchnieniem, ciągle szeptem, a ono było pewne, że przewróciła oczami. Wszystkimi czterema. - Muszę się przebrać, tak?
Nieco rozjaśniło pyszczek. Skinęło głową i wyfrunęło z celi. Zajrzało do Leshego, który już z eskscytacją rozkopywał ziemię w rozsadniku i umieszczał w nim nasionka - po jednym, z głębokim szacunkiem. Jagnię podleciało do niego.
- To gdzie chcesz to źródełko?
- Gdziekolwiek... nie dbam o inne meble, możesz usunąć łóżko...
Skinęło głową. Rozświetliło oczy, zmieniając strukturę celi i po chwili zamiast łóżka pod ścianą znajdował się zbiornik wodny, z którego wybijała niewielka fontanna.
- No, nie jestem artystą i inżynierem jak Kallamar, ale to chyba wystarczy, prawda?
Robak skinął głową. Zerknął na Jagnię. Na chwilę przerwał pracę.
- Ale masz świadomość, że i tak cię nienawidzę? - zapytał z uprzejmym zaciekawieniem.
- Tak. Masz do tego prawo.
- Dobrze. Gdyby zrobienie ci krzywdy nie stanowiło ryzyka unicestwienia mojego rodzeństwa, nie wahałbym się rzucić na ciebie i skręcić ci kark.
- Pff... powodzenia, akurat by ci się udało - prychnęła Czerwona Korona, chociaż robak nie mógł jej usłyszeć.
- Wiem. Bije od ciebie bardzo konkretna żądza mordu - przyznało Jagnię.
- Dobrze, że mamy to jasne. A teraz wyjdz z mojej celi. Nawet, jeśli jesteś bogiem życia i śmierci, ten jeden kawałek twojej domeny należy do mnie. Wynoś się z niego.
Posłusznie wyleciało poza kraty. Uśmiechnęło się jednak. Wahało się, czy zerknąć do Kallamara, który nawet nie zareagował na uwagę o sobie, gdy w tym momencie usłyszało plaskanie kroków. Heket wyszła ze swojej celi. Shamura podniósł na nią wzrok i coś w jego oczach rozbłysło. Kallamar wychylił się ze swojej celi i także zamarł.
Heket wyglądała naprawdę pięknie. Róż jej sukni zlewał się miejscami kolorystycznie z jej czerwoną skórą, przez co suknia wyglądała, jakby była częścią jej ciała, nadając jej wygląd niemalże zjawy. Wokół szyi owinęła szal, zawiązała kokardę z tyłu. Długie rękawy sięgały niemal ziemi. Wygładziła niepewnie fałdy wokół talii - niegdyś musiała być nieco szczuplejsza, ale suknia nadal leżała na niej doskonale.
- No, no, siostro... - rzucił z uznaniem Kallamar, mrugając z wyraźnym zadowoleniem. - Nie myślałem, że jeszcze zobaczę cię w tej kreacji... daj mi pomyśleć... Suknia na początek pory kwitnienia, czyż nie?
Skinęła głową rozpromieniona.
Shamura podeszli bliżej. Zawahali się, nim wyciągnęli dłoń, aby dotknąć materiału. Heket obróciła się.
- Piękna... - szepnął pająk. - Tak dawno nie widzieliśmy... cię taką...
- Prawda... - Heket opuściła wzrok. Mówiła już normalnie, a jej głos zachwycił Jagnię po raz kolejny. - Od okaleczenia przez Narindera... straciłam chęć strojenia się. Czułam się brzydka... ohydna...
- Nigdy nie byłaś brzydka... - Shamura dotknęli jej policzka z czułością. - A teraz... teraz jesteś kwitnąca, jak jeszcze nigdy... Szkoda, co za szkoda...
Zarumieniła się. Jagnię, które patrzyło na nich, poczuło się nagle dziwnie intruzem.
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madchild-dennis · 1 year
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FUCK THIS SHIT!!!
I'M DONE WITH THIS DEPRESSION AND THE CAUSE BEHIND IT!!!
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I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!
I can't with this inability to function due to this funk. Which is on top of the fact that I do NOT have the nutrients and food energy each day. Which all ADDS to make me BARELY able to function each day. I have had enough of being unable to be okay unless I'm totally lost in a K drama or distracted. Or completely paralyzed by the cause of this fucking depression. So, I AM DONE.
I think it's time I start talk about the funk:
youtube
I know I've been depressed before. I've had it for many reasons. The last significant one was due to just being over life and this world. After trying and trying and can't progress plus how fucked up the world was. I was just over everything. Before that it was struggling and being around people daily who could help but chose to watch me and judge instead of help.
Before I talk about what I just experience, and REFUSE to make it my life, I'll talk about another mental health issue I struggle with. That's anxiety/panic attacks. This one does not have various reasons. It has one source. Emotional pain from someone I love or loved romantically. I had it significantly during the end and after the long distance stint. Then Raheem. I don't know what is the deep rooted trigger but it causes literal pain and discomfort. I always feel like I'd pass out or die every time. Especially when it is VERY aggressive.
Now the funk I choose NOT to stay in, started Saturday Night gone. You see, I went to church Saturday. The church I grew up in, Red Ground SDA Church because I was invited and God said to go. The church service overall in of itself was unremarkable, but God had his plan. As shared:
However the triggering moment came when a minister I feel is being led by God did a impromptu thing according to the topic of the day for vesper. The topic was "Bring Your Crawsies (crosses) to the Cross". As I said I was NOT blessed from the day's service except for the music and that impromptu vesper program. The Vesper asked us to have an introspective on ourselves. Asking the question what is the issue we are not bringing to God? Then encouraging us to write it down and bring it to God.
So I really thought about it. I know I bring my problems to God. Because dah I am going through all or most of it because of him. Then I remembered what I wrote here on Maliek:
You see Maliek would make a great partner (I will stop calling prospectives as replacement, because replacement refers to an original plan/person/choice. That not the case anymore) even with the Queen prospective. However, one big significant issue. This I am sure deterred some last year and only Nicholas wasn't hindered by it. That is the evidence of my obedience and how God started everything.
Things like:
youtube
youtube
Things I will not remove.
The reality of it can be a hinder. By then I already felt the pressure from God to date or just be open to it. I also made the decision before then to:
start dating...ish.
(it's ish because, being a Queen comes with responsibility, power, influence and more that I have to do. I will NOT waste my time with men who are CLEARLY not for me, this life nor this monarch in the name of dating.)
So I wrote on my paper that I did not want the fact of what I have done, declared, acknowledge or experience when it came to the bitch Raheem would hinder good and proper prospectives. It was, is and will be a significant thing. Especially for ANY self-respecting man who takes everything I say seriously. The only type I would be interested in. Yes, I do NOT want it to be an issue. However if I want a man who take EVERYTHING I say, do or more seriously. He would have to accept that as well. That is because I will NOT hide it, lie about it, remove evidences of it or pretend about it.
Why? It is not just of what I will do or how far I'd go for someone I loved. But it's the acknowledgement of all the secret battles, scars, midnight awaken declarations, spiritual warfares, sleepless nights, whole body disturbances, and so much more; things I experienced.
SO MANY THINGS THAT WERE VERY MUCH REAL AND HAPPENED TO ME in the past 2 years, at least that I HAD NO CHOICE ON, COULD NOT IGNORE OR AFFECTED MY LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS. Many things that add to the proof and evidences God brought to me OVER AND OVER AGAIN that he was with me or guided me. Even to do such STUPIDITY. Which resulted in these results.
Then I reached home and was watching TV and was left with my thoughts and situation. I was also HUNGRY. The only thing I could eat, based on what God allowed (he discouraged most/almost all the food currently in the house due to the stealth break ins he warned me about) and what I had. I only had MANGOES. Which I was getting TIRED of. Then the whole reflection on my life started.
I started to think, "damn, I am sacrificing A LOT for this. Sigh."
Something I did not liked but but accepted. I was tired of fighting God on the journey, responsibility, role or this calling, anymore. I ACCEPT IT ALL. Including the struggle. I tried not to let my moment of being overwhelmed, frustrated or simply giving up because I did NOT ask for this to take over. That literally became my thought.
Then God: If you accept that sacrifice, why do you not accept Raheem as a sacrifice you would have to take for a greater good. Me:
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Then I really thought about it.
If God made sure I NEVER walk away from this journey no matter how much I tried. Specially chose me. NO MATTER WHAT I SAY, DO OR MORE, won't give up on me. Won't kill me. Called me special. Actually called me Perfect (I do NOT see it). Then showed me how VERY IMPORTANT what God has for me is. Showed me how many prayers would be answered. How many ancestors' prayers would be answered. So many injustices would be corrected. How many would FINALLY and TRULY see HIM through me, my monarch and kingdoms. Not the lie and fuckery God had to work around from the Christians who spew whatever fuckery in his name for centuries for their own selfish gains.
THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME.
So my thought was, "make the sacrifice to be with the asshole for God. I am already making sacrifices left, right and center. Just add this to it and just surrender."
So, mentally I did.
Then it BROKE ME:
And it continued to render me unfunctionable.
...until NOW
I broke down so much that the most I could do most of the days was to bathe, eat (mango) or watch K-drama. Then I got a little money and don't know how I had the strength to get into the town or walk. But I went and got some KFC and Ice cream,. Which would normally full my tummy but felt like a I threw a tiny stone into a large void. I was still hungry afterwards. I even thought, the lack of other nutrients was the reason for my inability to function or barely move. NO. That night I was shot with the biggest wave of paralytic emotional ailing. Yes because of him, the little shit. Simply from the possibility that I have to be with him and all the pain from it.
Even today/yesterday (when I started writing this), I was sluggish, depressed and broken because of it. Anyone who knows me, knows I move fast wherever, especially walking. I HATED IT. I came home and still torn by it. Especially with the latest Korean Drama I was watching starting to trigger me.
THEN, I said ENOUGH.
I did say I "MAY" have to make this sacrifice here:
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source:
I choose NOT TO
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The fun thing about my anxiety attacks, that I've learned from Nicholas: It ONLY affected me with the 5-year long ex and Raheem. Which I have chalked it up to men I loved but chose to play with my emotions, hurt me and do not love me. So, to not have anxiety attacks in romantic relations, is to find a man who will not hide his feelings, won't toy with mine or my emotions. A guy who wanted me, protects me, ACTUALLY LOVES ME and not afraid to show it in every way. It's like this K-drama, I'm watching now. The creators want us all to love the main guy. But the doctor, who have been trying to be there, respectful and considerate is who I am rooting for. Yes, it is a show, but it's real how many men will toy with your emotion for their selfish reasons.
Hence why there is a -ish on the dating.
I will date. So like the request I nearly accepted to go out, run errands and chill with a guy in Kingston tomorrow/later I would have accepted if I didn't have other commitments. Giving him a chance. However, I already have enough evidence to see that this individual does not like being alone or just wants company in his life. Someone who benefits him, but barely thinking about mutuality or partnership other than doing what he think he should in exchange for what he wants. THAT CANNOT WORK FOR ME. However, I will give him one chance to prove me wrong. Hence the -ish. I ain't spending time dating because I do not have anyone.
I am quite content with my singleness. I have ALWAYS been content with it and slow to the alter/date. I always said 27-57 is when I'd get married. Due to God's pressure on me to have a partner, I was rushing/pushing it.
Not anymore.
I am going to keep it SLOW like before, with this SAME timeline and results:
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source:
It is HIGHLY POSSIBLE I can find a partner by October/November of this year, that's to my liking, good for me, good for the monarch, good for the children and more. However, I am NOT rushing, pressuring it to be so by then.
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In regards to Raheem, it's the same as before.
He is DEAD
I will treat him as such until it is so. I won't even kill him because I won't even give him the time of day for me to slit his throat or such. Therefore, not even if he does as I ask will be enough. I AM DONE. He's forever rejected, gone and out of my life.
I do NOT care whatever else God translates to me spiritually, physically or more. Like last night where God woke me at 3+ am to tell me Raheem is coming to me (HE DID NOT). Such FUCKERY WILL BE IGNORED AND BE FOREVER DONE WITH.
If that mean I do not get to go back to sleep because I choose to ignore God. I do not get to go back to sleep.
If God want to threaten my life (FINALLY AND TAKE IT PLEASE), but he won't; I do NOT CARE.
God can threaten paralysis. I do NOT CARE.
If God threaten that my children will suffer. Well I hope they learn from it.
If God said my child I born will be raised without me. Well, he's not the future heir, so whoever will fuck up this child will be on GOD for trying to force me. Plus that child raised without me won't fuck up other's lives as heir. PLUS it's God's choice to do so and fuck with his plan not me. I never asked to be Queen and such.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOD CAN DO, SAY OR USE TO CHANGE MY MIND ON THIS.
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goodbye-yashiro · 3 years
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My brain so much isn't working that I had to use Google Translate to read the dam' text out loud. And while I'm at it! (I was writing a post for a week, but it's too long, I couldn't ever finish it :P) It's a quick, messy post because I have to study. EDIT: It took me two afternoons to finish.
ADHD study tips!
- BeLineReader is some super useful, it colors text gradient, has an open dyslexic font, and clean/reader mode! (Tho it "expires" after a few weeks, and you have to delete and download it again.)
- Grammarly is good, but it sure can get annoying with it telling you you misplaced a comma, but refusing to tell where.
- Rereading the notes you took in class is always better than nothing. Pro tip: reread them before going to bed, and right before class, because our brains process information at night.
- When you have to do an essay/PPT, Ctrl+F is your friend. Also, write down questions or keywords you want it to be about. Write a "first draft," a little messy, that only you (but you do) understand, and only when done start to reword it with "fancier words."
Include the terms you've learned in class. Teachers like to hear themselves back.
- If fancy words, I have two sites for you: scribens.com (a grammar checker), rhymezone.com (it has everything word-related you could ever need).
- Highly recommend Weava Highlighter too! You can highlight and save text from any site or PDF and even add notes.
- When doing a PPT use the automatic design ideas and pictures, pictures, pictures - it's easy and will look a lot better.
- Copy-past sentences from your sources and reword them, change the word order on the slide, use the original sentence when presenting.
- Use Comic Sans for writing notes/essays, but if not comic sans, some neat font. Copy-past a text from Tumblr into a document and you'll get the font Tumblr uses. (Which is apparently too long for me to include)
I like Courier New too.
- Have a paper for "junk thoughts" - write them down, but only deal with them later.
- Look for the fun things. Documentaries, history movies, colorized historical recordings exist.
-Tie it up with interests! You like making neat Tumblr posts? Great! Make neat Tumblr posts! IV. Henrick Moodboard. Make memes about it.
Explain it to someone in the most basic "meme language." "And then he goes..." "*something*" "Pathetic" "XY left the chat."
How fun is that??! (especially for literature and history)
- The effort rule (based on some experiment) the more effort you put into it, the more likely you will remember it. Sounds ridiculous, but...
put down your notebook in one corner of the room so you have to walk a little with every sentence, and take notes this way.
- Another ridiculous way to remember stuff is to place the information in unique places, so you will remember it for sure. Write that formula on an empty toilet paper roll no one had the energy to throw in the trash. Put a sticky note on the cheese in the fridge.
- I'm the kind of person who gets motivation from not doing the notes for myself but to make videos on the topic for the "next generations," because our school system su©ks.
- Have a document/bookmark folder with all the stuff you'll need!!!(links I mean) And go by the path of the links.
Like this:
X'o clock - Y'o clock - History, ancient Greece
[link of source for studying] [link of source for studying] [link of source for studying]
Y'o clock - Z'o clock - Rest
[link of a Tumblr blog you want to check out for new posts] [link of a short video you want to watch]
Make starting only take one/two clicks. Use a site blocker and only whitelist the few pages you'll need for 1) studying, and 2) in the breaks.
- This thing can automatically open a new tab (a link) at a given time.
- For note-taking in class: use an erasable pen.
- In the classes where the teacher simply can't explain, only jot down the keywords and look them up later. Check your book for illustrations and definitions. Works for just-pass-will-forget-everything-after-the-test subjects.
- Illustrate your notes. I like to doodle little figures in my notebook, it 1) keeps my hands busy
2) as I'm a visual type, it helps me remember where was a piece of information in my notes located, and
3) it forms a link in between dry and heavy information. (It personalizes things [countries, groups, ideologies], visualizes concepts, and brings color into events)
This is what my notes look like: (for strucutre - tho I love philosophy, so with my not-favorite subjects it's obviously a bit different...)
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- As for sensory things:
☀️ Let there be light! Sunlight or some lamps with a cozy mood.
💻 "Play" with the settings of your screen, turn down the brightness, the saturation, etc.
👕 If you find it refreshing, maybe take a bath/shower before, or change your clothes to more comfortable ones.
🍃 Let in some fresh air, make sure the room isn't too hot, nor too cold.
🍹 Have a bottle of water by your side, so you don't forget to drink.
🎧 If you need some background noise, there are tons of ambient sound channels on youtube and there's also MyNoiseNet.
🎼 Or put on a music/playlist with only a few tracks looped. Or instrumental music. Or music in a foreign language. Just imagine learning history while some cinematic classical music plays. XD
If you feel bad, here's this site that might help you figure out why.
I plan to make other ADHD and autism posts soon. Till then, *casually salutes* I hope I helped some! :)
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piastrinorris · 2 years
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An Unambiguous Love [1/10]: First Day Out Front
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:: 1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 :: 7 :: 8 :: 9 :: 10 ::
alternate AO3 link
Pairing: Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson x f!Reader
Genre: fluff
Summary: Your favourite customers really make it easier returning to the town you never went to school in. If only your friends at work would stop trying to play matchmaker between you.
Chapter 1 word count: 2428
A/N: Ahh, here it is! The thing I keep saying has been kicking my ass lately!! I really hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I've ultimately enjoyed writing it. Also big big love to @denim-mixtapes for beta-ing/de-British-ing the things I write.
“Heads up!” You look up at the source of the command you just heard to witness a paper ball leave your colleague Jesse’s hand, swing through the air as though in slow motion, and collide directly with your forehead. You give him a stern look, and he smirks while shaking with laughter. “I mean, I did warn you.”
You flip him off, “Way to kick off my first day on the shop floor.”
“I am your mentor out here, I need to prepare you for anything. Be grateful it wasn’t a figurine, that would have hurt,” Jesse points out. “Nah, it’s easy enough out here. You’ll even be able to run shifts all by yourself in no time.”
You hold up your index finger this time, “Correction, you could in no time. You know how many dirty looks I get just from saying the word comic in front of most men?”
He pulls a face. “I’m sure most of our customers are just like me, and I’m one of those female-ists! I let you join my D&D campaign, remember? That was great!”
You think back to the group containing mostly your fellow employees, and a couple of other guys around your age from Jesse’s past, who may not have directly said anything against you, but who certainly treated his poorly-written female NPCs far worse than his mediocrely-written male ones, constantly trying to pursue them until Jesse would throw a tantrum and refuse to “flirt'' with his players. Instead of arguing, you simply opt to look down so he doesn’t see the resigned expression that so badly insists on creeping along your face.
As you’re looking down, you notice the crumpled up paper isn’t just plain, it’s a half-written Dungeons and Dragons character sheet. Curious as to why it was abandoned, you unfurl it and read the first box.
Name: Steve Harr Bashemall
You chuckle at a half-orc fighter being essentially called "bash them all". You never really made any lasting friends before you moved out of Hawkins in your elementary years, and you and your family moved back just after you graduated high school, but this town's small enough that you know who Steve Harrington, King of Hawkins High is. He works at the Family Video right opposite your store, with the clumsy girl who you once literally bumped into on one of your trash runs after you had to deal with a delivery of misprints. She had at least helped you run around the blustery parking lot collecting them all back up again, and you'd sworn you could never show your face in front of him again after seeing the silhouette of his broad shoulders and swooping hair in the store window, clearly watching you run around like a headless chicken. 
Jesse sees you reading the sheet and chuckles. "Ah, is that Harrington's garbage? Yeah, I was here when he came in with that, uh… Trailer boy. Munson."
"You say that like I'm just supposed to know them," you retort.
Jesse shrugs, "Anyway, Munson got his wires crossed, thought it was last week that we were launching D&D supplies. Brought in his own blank character sheet to, what was it he said? 'Keep Stevie busy', or something." You allow yourself a small laugh at the nickname. "But obviously that was pretty short-lived. He kept trying to name his character real boring names like Brian until -" Jesse makes some kind of unintelligible groan. "Until I said it might suit him to play an unassuming human rogue with a deadly secret, but he called that “pretentious” until he started yelling "Bash 'em! I wanna bash 'em all! That's my character!" so Munson told him to write it down. I don't think they got too much farther with it. I only found it 'cause I realised just now I hadn't thrown it away, it was just trash."
You fold it away and tuck it into a drawer in your desk. There's a very brief character description, if it gets quiet you could always use some extra drawing practice.
The morning goes by pretty smoothly, the register is easy enough to use, the clientele haven't been too harsh. Which means Jesse has “decided” to let you fly solo until someone else takes over. "I can’t stay anyway, I, uh… I’ve told Cam already that I’ve got a migraine coming on.” If he’s telling the truth, he’s weirdly unaffected for someone whose symptoms are so bad he apparently can’t work any longer. “It's not like you're on your own, Tiffany's just dealing with this week's delivery out back, you can call on her if you really need anything!" he calls over his shoulder as the door hits the bell that dangles just above it.
Sighing in resignation, you shout out, “Tiff?”
“One second, hun!” The other female player in Jesse’s D&D campaign calls out.
“Oh, it’s all good as long as you can hear me. Just thought I’d tell you Jesse’s gone for the day. Says it’s a migraine.”
You hear the clatter of something being dropped and soon after, Tiffany rushedly appears at the back room door. “What a jerk! You want me to put a word in with the big guy about him?”
You shake your head. “I’ll be fine, I’m sure. Cameron’s in the office today, and I don’t want him to think I need my hand held all the time. Just wanted to check that you were within shouting distance if I needed you for something.”
Tiffany pads over and reaches around behind your back to give you a quick squeeze of encouragement. “I’ll always have your back here! Especially over my lame-ass brother,” she pulls a face and you laugh. Fresh into high school, Tiffany has all the nerdy know-how Jesse does, and thankfully a far more palatable personality. “And don’t be scared of Cameron. He’s cool when he wants to be.” 
“Yeah, I know. I just spent… So damn long in that back room. I don’t want to cause trouble on my first day out.” You sigh. 
“I’m gonna miss having my behind-the-scenes sister with me!” Tiff pouts.
You grin, “Just makes us the dream team now, right?”
“The face and the brains!” She mirrors your expression, pointing at you and then herself, and runs off before she can see your borderline offended look.
A little while after noon hits, after a dull enough morning that you’ve been spending your time absent-mindely drawing, the doorbell tolls. You look up to see the familiar silhouette of a stocky man with perfect hair, but this time you can see his warm eyes and chiselled jaw. He at first goes straight for the comic section, thumbing through different boxes with his tongue poking his cheek out and looking confused.
“Need some help?” You offer, and he gets snapped out of his trance to look at you for the first time. His expression when he locks eyes with you is so much softer than you were expecting from the charismatic reputation that has preceded him.
“Uh, yeah, actually, sorry. Friend of mine wanted me to pick him up a… number 200 Lantern? Said I should get here nice and early in case it sells out fast. Apparently it’s a big one?” he asks, blowing air through his lips in a rasp and holding his arm out in a half-shrug.
For a moment, you understand the power trip that knowing more than someone else can have, but you’re no Jesse. Instead, you nod understandingly. “Got it, Green Lantern #200. Yeah, it’s literally a big one. Poor Tiff’s been fighting with them all day back there,” you gesture with your head to the back room door. “They came in this morning, but they don’t hit the shelves until tomorrow. Same day the D&D stuff gets out, too. Sorry.”
He groans, “Stupid Dustin, getting the date wrong… Sorry for wasting your time,” he states as he wanders up to your counter. He notices that you’re drawing something and leans over to look. “I’m Steve, by the - oh,” he stops suddenly when he recognises the crumpled up paper you’ve been using for reference. “Is that -”
You don’t usually embarrass easily, but your cheeks do tint pink. “Uh, yeah, one of my colleagues used this sheet as a missile and I figured since I haven’t had much practice drawing orcs - or half-orcs, in this case - I could give it a go.”
“So this is what Bashemall looks like, huh?” he asks, swivelling himself around to angle his point of view to look at it from your perspective. “That’s amazing.”
“Well, ultimately only you know that. I’m just going by what little is written here, and some reference of my own knowledge of orcs’ anatomy. Um, you haven’t really said anything about hair, though, so I’m not sure what would look best on him…” you study your sketchbook page, tilting your head from side to side as you try to imagine different hairstyles on him.
“Well, I mean, I put enough effort into my own hair that I’d like to think it would look good no matter what kind of face I had, so… Maybe he could have hair like mine?”
You look back up at him, eyes narrowing as you study the way his hair looks for a moment. “Sure, I could do that,” you nod. “Mind if I use you as reference, or do you gotta head back?”
“Ah, Robin can cope without me for a few minutes,” he waves off before snorting a quick chuckle out of a half-smile. “She, uh, she’s the one who helped you whip the parking lot back into shape a couple weeks back.”
You raise your eyebrows at him. “Wow, so you are the one who just stood watching in the window! How heroic,” you smile sarcastically and he laughs harder. “Alright, well, I’ve been drawing this guy at a ¾ view so if you could just move your head…” you try and gesture with your hands how you want his head positioned, but he doesn’t seem to be getting it. Instead, you opt for using the end of your pencil to push his jaw up slightly, then across slightly until it’s angled just right.
“You need me to make a face for you?” Steve asks, immediately cycling through an array of facial expressions.
You giggle, “Not for the drawing, but for my own entertainment, sure!” He continues pulling faces until you’ve sketched a full head of hair. You hold your sketchbook up and he finally breaks pose to look at it in full.
His face is filled with admiration. “This is so good! Almost makes me want to pick it up. Almost,” he points at you, eyes wide. “But not totally. It’s still very much Munson’s and the kids’ thing,” he shakes his head. “I can’t wrap my head around it all.”
“Well, then, I’m super honoured that you entertained the idea of me drawing a D&D character that’ll never see the light of day,” you smile, before having an idea. Holding a single finger up, you ask, “Please hold just a second,” before slinking back to the back room.
You open the door to find Tiff backing away, far closer than she should have been if she were at her post. “Is that the Steve Harrington out there I hear?!”
“Yeah… Yeah,” you nod, half-distractedly. Despite the fact he’s only a door away, part of you just wants him back in your field of vision as soon as possible. Looking over at the manager’s office’s closed door, trying to stay out of its earshot, you ask in a hushed tone, “Uh, hey, I don’t suppose you could slide me a copy of Green Lantern a day early? I’ll make sure it all gets paid for, I jus-”
“Say no more,” Tiffany singsongs as she presses a copy into your chest. “Just remember to ask me to be your maid of honour.”
You roll your eyes at her as you head back out to the shop floor. You toss the issue onto the counter and gesture to it. “There you go. For being such a good model. Don’t go telling anybody you got it a day early, though.”
Steve gasps deeply, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Oh, I’m definitely gonna be Henderson’s favourite for this! Thanks, I seriously owe you!”
You narrow your eyes, “I literally just said this makes up for letting me draw your hair! You don’t owe me shit now.”
“Oh no, trust me, you have no idea what this is going to do to my reputation. I still owe you so hard,” Steve picks the issue up and tucks it beneath his jacket.
“Just… Maybe come back every once in a while? It’d be nice to have a friendly face around every now and again to chat to,” you suggest.
Steve salutes, “You got it…” He leans in to read your name badge and calls you by name. Huh, guess you forgot to introduce yourself. Maybe you should be doing that more. 
He rushes out of the store, back to his own workplace, and you step back to rap your knuckles against the back room door. “You can come out now, Tiff,” you murmur just loud enough to be heard on the other side.
Sure enough, Tiffany opens the door just enough to poke her head through the gap. “Oh my  god, he is so into you.”
You shake your head in disbelief. “Please, he’s just being friendly. There was nothing flirty about anything either of us said.”
“Exactly!” Tiffany hisses. “If I know anything about Steve Harrington, from what I’ve heard, he usually flirts so hard! You clearly make him nervous, he’s obviously intimidated by you. Trust me.”
“You want me to ‘trust’ what you’ve ‘heard’ about someone who graduated last year, before you were even at that school?” you ask in disbelief, shaking your head. “He just seemed like he was being nice. I dunno. It’d be cool to have a friend outside of here, too.”
“Well, I’m still gonna have hope,” Tiffany shrugs as she sneaks back to her work.
When your shift finally ends, as you get to your car you look up at Family Video one last time to see Steve at the window. He lifts his hand to just in front of his chest to give you a small wave goodbye with a soft smile to match. You wave back, feeling a sensation of warmth emanate all through your body.
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husbandohunter · 4 years
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Moments of Despair #1 [Genshin Impact/Diluc x Reader]
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Synopsis: “The man who was on fire and realized it too late.”
(A series of works where the boys deal with the passing of their beloved).
Albedo's despair
Warnings: angst, tragedy, major character death, graphic depictions of violence perhaps
(A/n): Had these ideas for a while after reading @/serensama To Mourn series of another fandom. So much sorrow and feeling I just was inspired to write 😫
_______________________________________________
The moment you fell lifeless in Diluc's arms, he wanted to disappear.
It was raining again, he had always despised the rain. How it trickles down the slope of your cheek, like tears falling from the heavens. The sight of it mixing with your blood creating a thin stream of red rivers flowing beside him. They patter down obnoxiously because time didn't care, the gods don't care, the world didn't care. You were just a small fragile person to their eyes but to him you were his light. A candle that used to shine in his dark world was now dissipitated by the waters of reality.
Many droplets have passed and he was still holding you. Diluc could do nothing but stare. He hadn't shed any tears nor could he make a coherent sound. Perhaps it was because his tears have long run out when his father was held in the very same way. Or it was because he was heartless. He's usually told for being cold and indifferent. But the pain clenching in his chest was proof that he still had one (proof that it was still beating), much to his dismay. It would be better if he didn't.
So why can't he just look away? Your wounds, your bruised features, everything now etched so deep into the back of his conciousness that is was starting to awaken his worst nightmares. They were the source of the bile growing in his stomach. The irony stench filling up his nostrils felt so sickening. He couldn't turn away. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. As if reality had yet to register, or maybe he refused to accept it, Diluc helplessly gazed down your body with blank and empty eyes.
"Master Diluc..."
Jean's voice called out to him pitifully. He rises up with his back turned, ignoring the stares given to him, "Leave. The knights of favonius are not needed here."
"But she's a Mondstadt citizen," The anemo user retorts, slightly taken aback by his impassive reaction, "It's my responsibility to ensure this case doesn't go unnoticed."
Unnoticed. Diluc scoffs in his mind, what a tasteless joke.
"It seems you weren't listening," he announces as his head was turned ajar so they could see the deep hatred glowing red in his eyes, "Leave. Now."
Jean's lips trembled before barely being able to say, "Alright" and retreating her knights back to the city. Kaeya narrows his gaze at his bother, the sorrow was evident through his pupils. He steps forward until he was arms length away from his brother. Too little too late, another failure was added to the belt.
Kaeya was a man of many words but for once he was at loss of what to say. No underhanded suggestions, no ideas taunting him to spill his thoughts, he simply asks Diluc, "What are you planning to do now?"
Silence. Kaeya couldn't predict what sort of expression his brother was making as he looks at your corpse. It brought a heavy weight of unsettlement upon him and here he thought he had already grown used to his brother's quietness.
Slowly, he turns around while letting the water pour down his face. Kaeya tightens his jaw as Diluc drags his feet towards him, stopping when their shoulders were parallel, "It's none of your concern."
"You're just going to leave her here?"
There was a slight pause which was enough of an answer. The Cavalry Captain sighs when he watched him walk away, what was the point of asking when Kaeya knew Diluc so well? He glances at your form before swiftly shutting his eyes.
It was his concern.
-------
A week later, the staff of the Ragnvindr household could hardly recognize their Master's appearance. They knew not to bother him when he decides to lock himself in his chambers. Diluc drowns himself with work from hours to no end as he connects the findings of the person that took your life. As expected, it was one of his enemies- a fatui member. The question was, which one?
"Master Diluc, I beg of you, please take care of yourself," Elzer pleads.
The pyro user didn't bother to spare him a glance or look at the tray of food he carried.
Food...you always brought them whenever he had to work overtime.
"I do not remember specifiying anyone to be allowed in my office," he voices aloud, "If it's related to business affairs simply leave that with Adelinde and I'll take a look at it tomorrow."
"I understand. But you've been working all day and night yet refusing to take any breaks in between. At this rate, you'll harm your health."
The feather pen in his grip kept dragging it's course, "This is beyond the duties assigned to you Elzer."
"That's because it was a request sent by your father," he adds, knowing that stepping over his boundaries may cost him, "If Master Crepus was still here, I'm sure he would have said the same thing."
Taking a deep breath, Elzer lays out his last card, "And also your wife."
The pen slows into a halt.
No one had brought you up until now. Elzer anxiously watches his Master shifting in his seat, his red bangs covering half of his face but he could still see the frown pressing firmly on his lips. It wouldn't be a surprise if Diluc suddenly bursted at him for mentioning such a sensitive topic, all that matters was his master's well being and Elzer was willing to risk everything for it. But nothing. Diluc turns his attention ever so slightly at the tray he carried.
"Fine, but I'm not eating that."
"What? Wasn't this was her favourite-"
"Do I need to repeat myself?"
Elzer furrows his brows before sighing, "...No, Master Diluc."
He exits the room while carrying the fresh dish of Once Upon A Mondstadt that you loved so much. The door closes with a soft click and he was alone again.
People found it strange how Diluc seemed so vacant to your passing. He didn't even show up at your funeral. Instead, he continues his duties as a Mondstadt nobleman like usual while taking care of business matters associated with the winery. Except those who were close to him could see the difference in his actions. Apathy, he was so mechanical in every task he did. Like a marionette attatched on strings, a doll without a soul. After all, his soul died the moment when yours did too. What remains was a shadow of Diluc and a being existing solely for revenge and duty. He was nothing but a remnant.
Fatigue begins to wash over him and he fights to stay awake. Because once he gives in it will all be over. Once he closes his eyes, he would see your face with a multitude of images from the past. He would hear your voice calling out his name from a distant space as it echoes off the walls of his mind. He would fall into a dream where you were still with him and as always, waking up to see that it was never real.
I should have pushed you away.
Because what hurt Diluc the most wasn't that you were gone, rather, it was how you were still here.
Then you'd still be-
Something breaks and it turned out to be the pen he was holding so tightly. Only now Diluc realized how fast his heart was thrumming as beads of sweat began rolling down his forehead. Focus. Don't waste time. He won't grant himself the liberty of anything when your murderer was still on the run. Every wound they inflicted on you was going to be returned in tenfold. He'll make sure of it. That's why, he refuses to think about you at all. Diluc occupies his mind with other matters since at this point, work was the only efficient method of keeping his sanity in tact.
She needs you to focus.
The door opens and Kaeya enters the room while holding a document, "We found the guy."
His reaction was immediate, "Where?"
"Hm, now that we meet, it's actually quite debateable," The captain notes wryly, "When was the last time you've gotten proper rest?"
"I don't have time for this, either you tell me or I'll do it by force."
Kaeya couldn't help but sigh, "Apologies but you don't seem to be in any state for a fight. I'm sure you know how it would end up if you were to face your enemy right now."
"..."
"Diluc, this isn't healthy," Kaeya asserts, it's been a while since he sounded so sincere, "I'm not here to prevent you from doing what's necessary however, perhaps it would be better if I finished it in your stead."
"No," Diluc stubbornly answers, "Hand that over."
"...Heh, then there's really nothing I can do to stop you it seems," he whispers with a sad smile, "At the very least, be careful."
"I intend to," The pyro user snatches the paper parchment out of Kaeya's hands before opening the window, "Also, if Elzer returns, tell him there's a few errands I have to take care of."
The night was a full moon and the sky was empty, Diluc leaps off the edge and disappears into the darkness. There was no telling of what could happen next. Since you weren't here, it was up to Kaeya to watch over him.
-------
The claymore dropped to the ground with a clang as it soaks up the blood of the fatui he just killed.
Diluc was tired, so tired.
He slumps down against the wall from pure exhaustion, all that adrenaline and hatred went up in fumes, leaving behind whatever was left in his heart: nothing. Two hours, not even that far from Mondstadt, the fatui hid in an abandoned building as he cowarded for his life. When Diluc arrived, he never expected this monster to be so weak. This was the person who murdered you? A pathetic nobody that was simply following orders? This was the reason why he lost you forever?
In the end, the only one to blame was himself, for being weak and unable to protect you. He was supposed to be your hero ("Darknight hero," you'd always tease), the rock that shields you just as you had been the warmth he longed for many years, did he give you enough? Was this enough? He thought avenging your death would grant him a peace of mind and the justice you deserved but deep down, he knew it will never be enough when it comes to his love for you.
"Diluc."
He closes his eyes, he hears your voice. He was so tired, it wouldn't be a surprise if he started hallucinating.
"Diluc."
"I'm sorry..."
The man lets out a trembled breath as he apologized to the image of you in his mind. I'm sorry I failed you. They were repeated like a mantra in hopes to reach you somehow. Of course that was impossible, his feelings, his emotions, love and sorrow altogether will never reach you again. And your arms that once comforted him and brushed his hair with a soothing voice, saying everything will be okay, where are they now?
"Diluc."
"Stop," he didn't want to hear your voice.
"Diluc, I'm here."
"Stop..."
"Diluc..."
He jolts his eyes open and lets out a yell, what was he saying? He doesn't know. All he needed now was to drown out the fake voices mocking in his head. Diluc grabs the nearest object and shatters it against the floor, the dam was broken and it flooded uncontrollably, breaking everything in it's way. The abandoned house was filled with loud cries of a man sobbing with agony like a broken-hearted child. He crumbles to his knees and falls to his side, lifting his forearms while clutching his face.
And screamed.
Archons, what did he do to deserve this? Why do the people he cherish get taken away from him? Diluc never wanted to be the Darknight hero if it meant having his father perish in his arms. He didn't want the feeling of stabs against his chest with every breath he took. He didn't want to feel cold while knowing it was because you weren't here to hold him. He didn't want your voice, your pictures or your memory.
He wanted you.
"(Y/n)..." he chokes. Rolling to his back, Diluc moves his arms to cover his eyes, letting the tears run down to his ears, "(Y/n)..."
For who knows how long, he lays there in the abandoned building and mourns. Diluc doesn't have the strength to move from his position, he found himself staring mindlessly through the cracks of the roof when his voice had gone hoarse. The corners of his eyes still burned and his head was throbbing with so much pain. Maybe he should just stay here but the thought of being in the same room as your murderer was unfathomable.
Picking up his claymore once again, Diluc drags himself out of the door. Where would he go? It's not like he had a home to return to because home was when he was with you. A doll without a soul, the marionette moves as if the strings have commanded him to do so. Where ever it takes him, he didn't care. He just knew he had to go.
1K notes · View notes
sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years
Text
Investigations (Part 3): Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader
synopsis: when things are uncovered, can you handle the truth? Or are you doomed to make a mistake you can't rectify?
wc: 2.1k
tw: violence
masterlist
song recommendation:
Ran's past was a lie.
When you met him at the country club five years ago, your pasts had been explained in hushed tones and excited flurries of memories; sharing photos of the time before he was an executive of the communications company he worked in and the time before you were a journalist.
Ran said he had gone to jail twice, both for crimes he had been an accessory to as a delinquent kid, but that he'd cleaned up his act after and made his way up the corporate ladder. Nothing about gangs or being a Heavenly King in Tenjiku made it past his lips.
You had been honest, too. Your tales included the time you'd accidentally happened upon a massive gang fight, and that's how your investigative journalism skills began to bloom.
Who was fighting?
What were they going to do after?
Where did these gangs come from?
When did this argument start?
Why were they fighting?
How did gangs form in the first place?
Those were all the questions you sought out answers for that night and the next five years after, devoting your time and effort to finding the truth about everything.
"Babe?" You freeze, hands hovering over the keys at the sound of Ran's voice. You don't turn around - you can't even look at him the same these days - but he fixes that by walking over to you and turning you around in your chair. "What are you doing up so late?"
"Just doing some writing." His violet eyes search yours for the truth, but you know he won't be able to find it. Not while you're still trying to unravel his past. Ran kisses your eyelids sweetly, cupping your face in his large palms and littering his love across your face as you try your best to remain still and not confess about your research.
"Come to bed. It's late."
"I've got a few more paragraphs," you explain, motioning to the small print on your screen. "I'll be in bed soon."
But your lie is discovered shortly thereafter. It's five a.m. when Ran returns, seeing you slumped against your desk, arms cushioning your head, laptop screen blank. Instinctively, Ran pulls you out of your seat - making your notebook fall to the ground - grunting softly as he scoops you up into his arms and cradles you against his chest.
You willingly allow your husband to carry you to bed, where your two-year-old is also nestled among the sheets and pillows, thumb tucked into his mouth. And for a moment, Ran appreciates the view, seeing the two people he loved the most - besides his younger brother - laying in the bed he paid for, in the house he built, in the city he owns.
But then he remembers the slight disarray you left your things in at the desk and returns, picking up your pencil and notebook before laying them beside the laptop. Then his eyes catch "Ran's past?" written in bold, red letters, along with the words: "Tenjiku" and "Tandai" also written in the web of other words surrounding his name. "South Terano" is also on that web.
He'd have to take care of that in the morning.
And for the first time in a long time, worry bubbles to the surface of his mind, and Ran rips the sheet of paper from your notebook, tossing it into the kitchen trashcan and considering his deed done. He concealed his past to protect his family. And he's concealing the present to achieve the same goal; all for the future to be revealed later. That's how everything should be.
Right? _____________________________________________________________
"Ran," you whisper, lips running across his knuckles. His fingers cup your jaw, and his own lips press against your forehead, violet eyes darkening slightly. "It's six am. Where are you going this early?"
"I have to go into the office for a little while," he murmurs, kissing your forehead again. "I'll be back around lunchtime." Thoughts of Tandai and Tenjiku flash into your mind for a moment, but you smile at him sleepily anyway, absolutely sure these things are part of his past and not in the present.
"We'll be waiting for you, my love."
Despite all of your best intentions, though, you can't help but be consumed by the idea of Ran out, fighting, stealing, maiming... You consider asking him about these things, these concerns, but you decide against it as you're helping Kai with his lunch. If he wanted to leave it in the past, there's a good reason for it. He would have told you if it would be a problem later. Right?
Ran wouldn't jeopardize your family, your home, your life for something so... juvenile.
Right?
The clatter of keys on the counter in the living room brings you back to the present, and you perk up, your two-year-old mimicking your expression.
"Daddy!" Kai slides down from his seat and runs to greet Ran, clutching his father's legs with all his little might.
"Hey, buddy," Ran laughs, stooping to pick up his son with excitement. "How are you doing?" As son and father have a very stimulating conversation about playtime, you watch them in wonder, observing the way Ran makes his child a priority, just like he makes you a priority. But your countenance falls as soon as you see the blood spot on the bottom of Ran's lavender suit jacket. You know its blood because of the way it dried - that's no ketchup stain.
You fake a smile anyway, giving Ran a kiss on the cheek and tugging his jacket off after he sits Kai back on the tile floor.
"Hard day?"
"Kind of," Ran mumbles, and you catch the sight of a long scratch down the side of his neck. "But I made it through." You hum, taking the pin-striped jacket to the laundry room and slinging it over the side of the washer. You'd need that later.
"Need to relax?" you wonder, and Ran grins at you mischievously.
"Maybe later, after bedtime?"
_____________________________________________________________
But "later" never came.
Instead, Ran and Kai fell asleep on the sofa, watching a kid's movie, and you retreated to the office, powering up your laptop and pulling your notebook closer.
You immediately notice something's wrong, as the notes you had before were missing. Everything is gone. Not even a word of all the research you had done was there. Hadn't you written meticulous notes and names and things about Ran's past that could be interconnected? You break out in a sweat and search in every drawer of the desk, every place it could possibly be. You come up with nothing, and let out a frustrated sigh before slumping down in your seat and pulling up the computer history from yesterday. If you had to rewrite every single thing, that's fine. You'd just need more time to gather your evidence for the meeting on Saturday.
You're knee-deep in articles and police reports when you stumble across a more recent - actually as recent as this morning - article titled: "Ex-gangster found dead in meat factory". The picture of South Terano startles you, and you click on it, feeling a sense of dread as the article details how he was found hanging upside-down in the warehouse with a bullet hole in his head. And just like that, your newest lead has fizzled out. You groan, writing down "South Terano, deceased" on your notepad, then exiting the tab.
There had to be someone else you could ask. Shuji Hanma only provided you with Ran and Rindou's names, no one else.
"What's this?"
The door to the office shuts softly, and you look over your shoulder at Ran, who is walking toward you with measured steps, his eyes taking in your exhausted expression and the way you're hunched over that notepad. Again.
"What are you doing? You look tired, babe. Let's go to bed, yeah?"
Suddenly, pieces begin to click as Ran leans his hip against the desk, staring down at you in the chair with squinted violet eyes. "You threw away my notes... Didn't you?"
"What are you doing in my business, y/n?"
"Why didn't you tell me that you were in two gangs?" you counter, fingers shaking slightly. "Ran, this is something I needed to know before--"
"You wouldn't have married me if I told you." Ran's tone is cold, almost as if he's turned into the past version of himself without batting an eye.
"You don't know that." Ran leans forward, coming to eye level with you a smirking.
"I know you. And that's all I need." Ran reaches out a hand to close the laptop, still smiling and maintaining eye contact. "Now here's what you're going to do. First, you're going to stop digging into my past. There's nothing there that you need to find. Second, you're going to come to bed. It's late, you're tired. Finally," Ran cups your chin like he did this morning, except his fingers aren't so tender this time. "You're going to cut off contact with both Shuji Hanma and Taiju Shiba. I'm not really fond of either of them, and I'm not a fan of having them tell my business to my wife."
"They were only doing it because I asked."
"Taiju, maybe. Shuji isn't so eager to fuck you. I doubt he did it out of the kindness of his heart." You can't say anything to refute his claims. Ran is probably right. But you can't get one question out of your mind.
"Why are you trying to hide your past? What's there that I won't like?"
"What isn't there is the real question."
"What can you tell me about the gang that's just surfaced in Tokyo?" Ran's face slackens, transforming into a half-surprised, half-blank look that you realize is one that means he's been caught. "Oh, my fucking god," you breathe, tears stinging your eyes. "South, the fish, the murders, the crime... It's you. It's been you this whole time. I've been chasing my own husband down." Panic begins to set in, and your mind whirls around as you shake in your seat, bringing your hands up to your head. "Just tell me Rindou isn't in this," you breathe, but Ran doesn't answer you, still wearing that dumb look on his face. You let out a cry of shock, covering your mouth and trying to back away from Ran as much as you can.
The source is a lot closer than you think.
You slide down the wall, shocked into stillness as your sobs quiet, and Ran straightens up, placing his hands in his sweatpant pockets. The long nights, the early mornings, the bloodstains, the damn suits... It all led to this. Ran had never really left his old lifestyle behind. He'd gotten caught up in it, and brought you and Kai into it unknowingly.
"I never meant for it to get this... unhinged." You can't reply, tucking your knees into your chest as you stare past Ran and at the opposite wall, wondering how you'd missed the signs, the obvious signs that Ran was up to no good. "I know this is a lot to take in, but we can--"
"I can't stay here."
The words fall from your mouth and Ran flinches, shaking his head.
"No. You can't leave."
"Yes, I can," you mumble, standing and wiping your tears. "I can do whatever I need to do to keep Kai safe, and--"
"Kai is safer here than out there," Ran snaps, pointing at the window. "I'm not letting my son out of my sight. Your snooping has caused enough trouble as it is; I wouldn't have had to go and clean up this morning if you hadn't--"
"Don't blame this on me," you retort, pointing at Ran accusatorially. "You're the one who joined a gang and is still in one! What kind of role model are you for our son now?"
"I provide the best way I can," Ran grits out, clenching his fists. "You've never gone hungry, cold, or ill-clothed a day in your life while you were with me."
"I would rather die than enjoy a life paid for with blood money."
"Blood money? You really think--" You try to push past Ran, but he grabs your shoulders, yanking you back in front of him. "You're not going anywhere except to our bed."
"Let me go, Ran Haitani," you mutter, hands balling up into little fists. "Or I'll scream."
"Who will hear you? Kai?"
How had you been so foolish? Ran's lips press together momentarily as his violet eyes run over your figure, taking stock of all your five-foot-six stature. You're no match for Ran. Not mentally, and certainly not physically. Ran notices your defeat and his hands slide down to your wrists, tugging your delicate hands up to his chest.
"Everything will be fine," he whispers, drawing you close. "I'm taking care of us. Just trust me."
Just trust me.
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kerie-prince · 4 years
Text
the intern
Peter Parker x Reader (college au)
requested: (anon) plz plz plz give me some college aged, super powerful ( think stark ceo powerful ) peter parker shit. idc what the rest of the story is about, i just need a brooding, smoldering, suit wearing, extremely expensive, college aged spiderman. plz and thank you!!!!
warnings: language
summary: When you start a new internship at Stark Industries, you're not only surprised to find Peter working as your boss, but that he's not the shy neighborhood boy you grew up with
a/n: this doesn't follow canon so for this imagine, hammer industries is just a rival company and the snap never happened lol also i don't know anything more than operating a phone so don't expect me to write sciencey, techy stuff lmao
(gif source)
Tumblr media
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you were running across the road to jump into a cab that was available. Your phone hadn't been charging all night as you thought it had which caused you to wake up forty-five minutes before the start of the interview. You need this internship before you graduate from Empire State and get your degree in robotics.
On the way there, you nearly got car sick as the driver took sharp turns and nearly ran past intersections seconds before they became red. Once in front of Hammer Industries, your heels clicked loudly as you ran inside the tall building. You checked in with the front desk and took the elevator up to the 10th floor.
Just as you arrived, Justin Hammer was calling your name. “I'm right here!” you nearly tripped on your heels and your breaths were short.
“I've called your name three times, do you understand what that makes you look like, correct?” Justin stood unphased as you stood up straight and tried to steady your breath. “All these people are on time. Some of these folks have been here for hours, even.”
“Yes, sir. I’m so sorry–”
“Shame, I really liked your resume and your report on the expansion of nano-technology. Try again next year, maybe.” Justin started to call out the next participant and when she got up you stepped in front of her, “Please Mr. Hammer, I need this internship or I can't graduate.”
The people in the waiting room had their eyes on the two of you, tension so thick that it was almost hard to breathe. “Then maybe you should have come on time,” he pushed you aside to let the next person in to interview. You quickly ran back out and spoke to no one all the way home. Your eyes and cheeks were aching as you held in the tears during your Uber ride. The driver wanted to ask if you were okay, but if you were to break down in his car he’d probably be stuck having to listen to what happened and if he was honest with himself, he didn't actually care.
Once you got to your apartment, you made a straight line to the kitchen. “Hey, how’d the interview go?” MJ, your roommate, asked while still looking at her computer. You reached into the freezer for your emergency ice cream pint, snatched a spoon and walked into your room without saying anything. “That bad, I guess,” MJ said to herself.
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
You sat with MJ and Ned in the cafeteria, but had not touched any of the food on your plate. Your head was laid on the steel table and you just continuously groaned. “I’m a failure,” you whined.
“No, what you are is fucking dumb,” MJ commented as she ate.
“Thanks, Michelle, that makes me feel so much better,” you looked up to glare at her before laying her head back down. Ned felt bad that his friend was in despair, “How come you didn't ask Peter for help?”
“Huh?” you lifted your head back up some of your hair falling onto your face.
“Yeah, Peter already works at Stark Industries, why didn't you just ask him to get you in? You could even skip the internship altogether and be in full time,” Ned suggested. You gave it some thought, but something about it didn't sound right.
“No, I don't want to bother Peter. I don’t want him to think that I’m only calling him for a job,” you sighed. Ned texted Peter anyways. Unexpectedly, Peter texted him back immediately.
“He says it’s fine,” Ned showed you his phone to read the text. ‘Yeah man, tell her to come in tomorrow and Ms. Potts will interview her’
You let out a deep breath you didn't know you were holding and pulled out your phone.
‘Thank you so much for helping me out’
(…)
‘No problem, anything for a friend’
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
The Stark Industries building was huge. It almost looked taller than the Empire State Building, and maybe it actually was. Your legs were shaking as you stared up at it. “Here goes nothing,” you assured yourself.
The lobby was bustling with people; workers walking around, a group of kids that seemed to be here on a field trip, and some teens taking pictures in front of one of Mr. Stark's Iron Man suits.
The trip up to the 17th floor was crowded with people as more and more entered in every passing floor. You had to squeeze yourself out and accidentally stepped on someone’s foot in the process.
Looking around, your jaw dropped. It was an open laboratory with groups of people putting together small robots, flying drones, and people laughing and talking. It was such a fun and cool looking environment, you wondered why you didn't just apply here in the first place.
Pepper Potts spotted you walking around and approached you with a tap on your shoulder. “Hi, I’m Pepper. You must be Y/N,” she reached her hand out to shake yours which you accepted. “Hi, nice to meet you.”
“Peter’s told me a lot about you. Come, follow me,” Pepper’s office had glass walls and a view of New York from behind her desk. You weren't particularly fond of heights, but even you would love to have an office view like that. Pepper gestured to the chair in front of her as she smoothed her dress to sit in hers. “So, I see here that you had an interview at Hammer’s. Can I ask why you chose them?” You didn't even know how they got that information. You hadn't seen or spoken to Peter in quite a while, so how Pepper knew that was beyond you. You sat there with your lips moving to say something but nothing was coming out.
Pepper seemed to have caught on what you were thinking and elaborated, “Before I do any interviewing, I do full background checks on everyone.” She had a gentle smile which made you feel better. You thought she would scold you or something considering the question did more than catch you off guard.
“My mother used to work there for a long time and I figured that I would follow,” you explained. Pepper nodded her head and wrote some notes down. She looked onto her computer and looked at everything there was about you. “Well, I see here that you have exceptional grades. 4.7 GPA since you started school and your paper on nano-technology has gotten much praise. I think even Tony read it.” No way. The Tony Stark read my paper? “So tell me, do you see yourself working here at Stark Industries?”
You looked outside and watched everyone in the open lab again. “Yes.”
“Then that’s all I need to hear. We’d love to have you here,” she reached over to shake your hand. You looked at her surprised and hesitantly shook hers. “Welcome to the team, Y/N.”
“Thank you so much!” You cupped her hand with both of yours and shook it a little too quickly, but she didn't seem to mind. You were ecstatic to start your path to your career, and at a dream place at that.
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
Your alarm rang at the time you set it to, but there was no need for it. You couldn't sleep all night. Today is your first day of your internship and you were feeling so many things at once. Excited, nervous, happy, scared…
You tried to restrain yourself to a light breakfast, but MJ’s pancakes were to die for that you ate two whole stacks. You looked through your closet just about fifteen times; you had already picked an outfit the following night with the help of MJ, but when you put it back on, you hated it. It sucked for your roommate seeing as she had to sit through you changing from eight other outfits.
You tried to picture the lab again to see how other people dressed for a better idea to base it on your outfit choice. From what you remember, it was pretty casual, so that’s what you stuck to.
You were given your pass the day you were hired, so you had no issue walking inside. The elevator was just as packed as it was last time, but you were more composed so there were no toes being stepped on this time. You weren't exactly sure as to where you had to go, so you looked around to see if there were other interns to ask where to start.
“Y/N!” Peter’s voice surprised you from behind. Your shoulders jumped a bit, but relaxed at the view of his face. His face… you actually hadn't seen him for quite a while. Months, maybe. His jawline was more defined, and his once floppy hair was styled neatly. You tried to not look him up and down, but the temptation was definitely there. And the other thing, his voice was deeper than you last remembered. Is this really Peter Parker? “Hey, Peter.”
He gave you a hug that nearly made you lose breath. He was stronger than you remembered. A memory flashed back to when you were in junior high; you, Ned and Peter were hanging around the local park and you beat Peter on rounds on the monkey bars. He gave up after a couple bars, but you went back and forth a couple times. ‘Show off.’ But now, he had muscles that the shirt he was wearing hugged his biceps.
The hug was quick, and you had to pretend that he didn't just squeeze some life out of you. “Do you work on this floor?”
“Yeah, you’re actually assigned to work with my team. Come, I’ll show you around.” He started walking and you noticed how his posture changed. Damn, I know it hasn't been this long since I've seen him. Why does he look so different? He was wearing trousers. Trousers? Peter hates trousers. But his ass is looking great–
“Hey guys, this is Y/N. She’s going to be working with us as an intern. And I'll say this beforehand, no she's not going to be taking coffee or lunch orders,” Peter introduced you. There were various aged people in this group. Some were your age, and one person looked to have been in his thirties. Peter is in charge of this group? They all said ‘hi’ to you and went around introducing themselves.
Once that was finished, Peter pulled a chair for you on the table. “You’ll take notes for me while I give this presentation,” he whispered to you before walking in front of the table and started writing on the clear glass board.
He was talking quickly and didn't stumble over his words like he used to. Everyone was listening to him attentively and you jotted notes down as quickly as you could. Every now and then, you would steal glimpses of him and feel a sort of… well you felt something. Amazement? Inspiration? Adoration?
No doubt was Peter one of the smartest people you've ever met and here he was leading his own team and making potential products for Stark Industries at such a young age. Seeing him at work was so… it was indescribable to you but all you could think of was how different he is now. In a good way, of course.
Peter Parker has been your friend for years and to see him change from a bumbling, shy, adorable nerd into a confident, intelligent working man attracted you.
When you got home, you thought a lot about your first day. Being an intern at Stark Industries was really fun, so far. You weren't expected to do silly things like get coffee or lunch for everyone or pick up someone’s dry cleaning. You actually learned something and even had your opinions heard on some of the things that Peter suggested for his team’s upcoming product presentation.
If this is what it's like to be an intern, you couldn't imagine what it would be like working full time.
“How'd it go?” MJ stuck her head in your room. “It was fun. I'm working with Peter,” you explained your day to her.
“Cool,” was the last thing she said before she went to her own room for the night.
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
In the past few months, your internship at Stark’s has been going swimmingly. Everyone's been so nice, and the work is so fascinating. You've gotten closer with Peter and along the way, he felt like he was more than a friend and boss to you.
Currently, everyone was getting ready for their final presentations for the upcoming annual Stark Industries Convention. It was going to be Peter’s first year presenting his own project with his team and you were so excited to be a part of it.
The time you’ve spent with Peter was really fun. He was a good mentor and a great friend. The only thing was that you couldn't help but look at him a little too long, and you’ve found yourself thinking about him during your classes or doing your homework. The shy boy from Midtown High was no more, replaced– no, grown into the Peter you know now. But you pushed all feelings aside to focus on your next thesis paper and mock-up of the handout brochures of Peter’s project.
Sometimes, you didn't even feel like an intern as Peter would ask for any ideas you had to make the project better and even let you help with assembly. He stayed true to his words and you’ve never once had to run for coffee or things like that. There’d be times when you would study some of the little parts under a magnifying glass and he’d come up slightly behind you and explain about some of the bits on the working table.
And every time he did that, your breath would be stuck in your throat and you’d have to remind yourself that this was just Peter helping you out and you’re just learning. But it was normal to want more every now and then… right?
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
The convention was just a few days away and you had trouble finding something to wear. These events were usually black tie events, but did that mean the presenting teams as well? Wouldn't that be uncomfortable?
One of the guys on your team, Richie, sat with you during lunch and talked about how he was probably going to wear the same suit as always. Not because he couldn't afford a new suit, but he was just a simple person and he only wears it once a year for the conventions and that’s all, so it’s still in mint condition.
The girls on your team and some from others were going dress shopping the day before and invited you to join. You were excited mainly because now you don't have to bother MJ for it.
Speaking of MJ, you were going to ask her to come with you. Pepper sent out the electronic invitations to everyone in the company and authorized plus ones to even interns. She’s never been to one – for reasons you were still confused about – but you wanted your best friend to be there for you. And if not MJ, then you bet Ned would still come with you. Wait, what if he’s going with Peter?
On cue, Peter had sat in the chair next to yours in the small break room, “Hey, Y/N.”
“Oh, hey Pete. You excited for Saturday?” Peter quietly stirred his coffee and gave you a small smile, “Uh, yeah. I’m nervous, but I’ve worked really hard on this. And everyone, too. Including you.”
You slightly blushed. I didn't do all that much you thought. You two just sat there taking small sips from the hot, bitter beverage.
“So… I wanted to ask you something,” Peter started.
“Mhm?” The coffee nearly slipped past your lips. You quickly grabbed a napkin to lightly dab some of it off of your lips.
“Well, as you know, we can bring anyone with us to the convention,” he trailed off.
“Yes?” Is he going to…
“And I wanted to know if you were bringing MJ with you.” Oh. You nodded your head and thought you hid your disappointment well but without knowing, Peter actually caught it for a split second. “Good. You can come with me,” he smiled and stood up.
You were in awe; without effort, Peter just asked you to be his date for Saturday.
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
“Dude, how are you not ready yet? He’s gonna be here any minute,” MJ sat at her computer per usual working. Your music was too loud for her taste playing from your shared bathroom. Peter said he would pick you up at 7, and it was currently 6:50.
You had put on and removed your make-up at least five times. Something was always wrong; one of the wings would either be thicker than the other, the blush would be the wrong shade, or the lipliner kept going out of place. But, alas, you finally nailed it.
Your hair was styled half up with elegant curls and braids. In between some braids were little bits of baby’s breath flowers. Most likely, you were going to have a hard time taking those out but they looked cute and it was too late to take them out.
Your dress was right above your knee and flowed comfortably so you wouldn't have a hard time walking. It was a neutral taupe color and had a V-line that ended just above cleavage and hugged the curve of your waist. You paired it with simple black heels and a small, white handbag.
“He’s here,” MJ informed you.
“Okay,” you took a deep breath, “what do you think?” You spun around and held your arms out. “You look really pretty. Now go get ‘em. I’ll watch it on the live stream.” She gave you a lazy thumbs up and resumed her work.
Outside was Peter in an all-black apparel. His dress shirt had only one button undone, and he had a loose blazer that accentuated the dip of his shoulders. He stood against the limo with his hands at his sides. God, he’s gonna be the death of me.
When he caught sight of you, he had a flirtatious smirk on his lips and held out for your hand. “Peter, where’d this limo come from?”
“Mr. Stark set it up for me,” he stated like it was no big deal. Must be nice being his favorite. He held the door for you to climb in and closed the door behind him. “We’re ready, Happy,” he told the driver. Happy rolled his eyes, closed the window and drove off.
The convention was off to a great start; Tony Stark came in with his suit as he always loved to do and started introductions before everyone else scattered around to look at the projects of the many departments in his company. Some groups of certain departments had large stages, some had small stands, like Peter’s.
There were still large crowds coming to see the smaller presentations, and everyone seemed to be fascinated with Peter's. You stood on the side as his team operated the machine and Peter spoke. He looked confident and it was mesmerizing to watch him.
After the night was over, all employee’s and some guests were brought back to headquarters for the after party. You walked around with Peter and had flutters in your heart every time he held the small of your back. The most exciting part of the night was meeting Tony Stark in person. He greeted Peter warmly, and then his eyes landed on you, “Peter, who’s this?”
“Oh, this is Y/N. She’s a friend of mine,” he gestured for you. You shook Tony’s hand and stood starstruck. “The one you don’t shut up about?” Pepper hit his shoulder and laughed nervously.
“Wait, I’ve heard about you. Buddy of mine works at Empire State and he showed me your paper, it was really good.” You were still shocked that he had even read it and here he was talking to you about it. You went back and forth talking about nano-technology.
On the way home, you and Peter talked and laughed about things you told him as you caught him up to what was happening on campus when he couldn't be there. It was a really fun night, and Peter was more noticeably relaxed now that the hard part was over. “Alright, home sweet home,” Happy announced through the window.
“Well, that’s me,” you smiled sadly, not wanting the night to end. You reached to open the door but Peter climbed out from his side. He walked around to open your door and just like he did earlier, held his hand out for you to grab and assist you out the limo. What was different this time was that he kept his hand in yours as he walked you to the door of the apartments. “I had a great time with you tonight,” Peter confessed.
“Me too,” your voice was soft and low for only him to hear. Peter’s eyes switched from looking into yours to your lips before he grabbed your face with both hands and kissed you. The kiss was needy, passionate, but had a certain gentleness to it. Once he felt you kiss him back with the same fervor, he deepened the kiss and brought one hand to pull your waist closer to him.
You pulled apart to regain your breath and looked to admire his swollen lips and he copied the same notion. He leaned in to give you a gentle kiss and pulled away, “Good night, Y/N.”
“Good night, Peter.” Your cheeks were flushed and your face was warm. You watched him as he left and ran inside. Upstairs in your apartment, you found MJ and Ned sitting on the couch with a bag of chips in each of their hands.
“Good night?” Ned asked. You just nodded and walked slowly to your room.
“We saw the whole thing, by the way,” MJ said nonchalantly. You looked back to glare at your best friends, Ned smiling innocently at you and MJ keeping her straight face.
You changed into your pajamas and laid on your bed on your back, looking up at the ceiling. You couldn't wait to go back to work on Monday.
requests open!
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britt-writes · 3 years
Note
hi lovely i have a request for you because youre work is absolutely amazing aHH ! could you maybe so some headcanons/oneshot on lucas making his gf cry cause he's getting all pissed with his computer n is getting angry and then accidentally takes it out on his gf?? there's no pressure at all, I really do love your work and I'm so happy you write for Lucas <33
Thank you so so much, I really appreciate it, and I'm happy to do this request for you! I went for a little drabble with this one. Hopefully, I didn't make you wait too long for it. 💕 (I added a cut since it was getting a bit long and, and I don't want to invade people's dashes.)
Prompt: Lucas making his girlfriend cry
Drabble title: Poor Choice of Words
Word Count: 2008
With the semester coming to a close, you found yourself balls deep in what felt like never-ending exams to study for and detailed research papers to type. Needless to say that the hefty accumulation of college work had been piling up on you, leaving you stressed and fatigued, ultimately leaving you with no motivation or desire to get work done; just this huge blank whenever you stared at your books.
Barely able to hold yourself together with this massive headache from the free-for-all death match your thoughts were having up there, you were in desperate need of some quiet and rest. You were sure that you’d eventually break down if you didn’t.
Lucas was nice enough to let you get that quiet you needed, letting you take over his bed to nap and rest your head and eyes while he tapped away on his computer. He kept it down, which you appreciated. He’d always been the strong, silent type of guy. The only noises you could hear were the clicking of his keyboard and his foot tapping at the ground—a little tic of his, being rather fidgety.
You hadn’t quite fallen asleep, being quite restless, but you did occasionally lull in and out of consciousness. Maybe it was the damn heat wave that hit Dulvey that kept you up, or maybe it was your headache, but nonetheless, it felt nice to lie down and do nothing, worrying about nothing.
You weren’t sure how much time had passed since you had decided to lie down in your lover’s bed, but as the seconds ticked by, you could hear Lucas’ foot tapping becoming faster, seemingly aggressive. His fingers had also joined in, just tapping at the desk.
You didn’t think much of it at first, brushing it off as Lucas simply being his regular, fidgety self; he’d probably stop in a minute or so. But then you heard a low growl from him, followed by a series of curses muttered underneath his breath.
“C'mon, ya slow piece o’ shit,” you heard him say.
Shifting around, you faced him, opening your eyes. Lucas was having some issues with his computer, and one quick glance showed that his programs and even cursor were running at abysmally sluggish speeds. You weren’t sure how you hadn’t heard it at first, but his computer’s fans were loud as hell, probably working their asses off. When was the last time Lucas cleaned them? The poor old box computer sounded like it was suffering.
“Motherfucker!” Lucas suddenly yelled out, nearly jolting you out of your skin.
You flinched as he began smacking the computer, making you sit up on the bed as you stared at Lucas while his patience ran thinner with every passing second. You remained still and quiet, worried about his state of anger, but also unsure if you should intervene in an attempt to get him to simmer down. Truth be told, you hated watching people get angry, even if the anger wasn’t directed at you; it put you in a state of anxiety, wanting nothing more to keep the situation from escalating further.
“Aw, what the hell?! What now?!” He yelled as his screen seemed to freeze.
“Um, hey, babe?” You intervened, sounding very meek.
He didn’t reply, continuing to aggressively fumble with his computer, still spewing insults and curses at the device. Maybe that should have been your cue to leave Lucas be, but you didn’t take it, wanting to help him.
“Babe?” You said again, a little louder this time in case he hadn’t heard you the first time over the sound of his own voice.
“What?” Lucas said rather sharply.
“Do you want me to help or something? How about you turn it off and try cleaning the fans to start off? Then, maybe-”
Lucas whirled around to face you, the annoyed look on his face immediately shutting you up.
“What the fuck would yer dumbass know? Shit’s already fucked, so I don’t need it worsenin’. I don’t need yer fuckin’ help, so mind yer goddamn business,” he said before going back to his computer, not paying you any further mind.
You had never been on the receiving end of Lucas’ outbursts until now. Maybe you were being too sensitive, but you couldn’t help the tears threatening to fall. Sure, you and Lucas have insulted each other plenty of times in the past, but it was all obvious playful banter and teasing between the two of you with no ill intentions. This time around, he held this dead serious expression and tone, making you feel like he actually thought that of you.
Lucas was short-tempered, prone to outbursts at the slightest inconvenience, and you knew that he ran his mouth faster than his brain during those moments. He often did or said things that he didn’t truly mean, letting his anger get the best of him. He probably hadn’t even realized what he said, but that still didn’t mean that you didn’t feel as if your heart shattered in millions of pieces at his poor choice of words.
Wordlessly, you lied back down, facing the wall as you curled up underneath the blankets. A few tears streamed down your cheeks as you tried your best to keep quiet, not wanting to make a scene. You just hoped that Lucas would soon enough calm down on his own accord.
~~~~~~
He’d say that a little over half an hour had passed since his computer started acting up, but Lucas had since abandoned the device to fool around on his phone, feet propped atop his desk. At least he was distancing himself from the source of his anger.
Maybe about a year ago, Lucas would still be fuming and smashing things around his room, but ever since you came into his life, he’s been getting better at taking breaks, not fixating on whatever was irritating him in order to cool down a bit. You were there to comfort him, listen to his venting and clear his head.
Overall, a model lover with the patience of a saint to deal with him— Lucas himself would be the first to say it.
So, why the fuck did he yell at you the way he did earlier? He absolutely hated any asshole who dared make you upset; Lucas always promised to make quick work of anybody who hurt you, and all you had to do was say the word.
But now, Lucas was the one to feel like the biggest shithead ever.
Earlier feelings of fury were slowly being replaced by regret, which was an odd feeling. It was a first for him; he’s never really given a shit enough to feel regret or shame for his actions, even when he knew that he was in the wrong. But it felt different when it involved you. Maybe he still felt anger, anger at himself for treating you like shit when all you wanted to do was help him because you cared.
You were already stressed enough in the first place with all the work you had to do, and Lucas wasn’t helping by taking out his anger on you. It was an accident; he really regretted it.
Looking back at you, Lucas saw that you were still curled on his bed. You hadn’t said anything in the last half hour, so he wondered if you had fallen asleep, though you may just be ignoring him after the things he said. He didn’t like that thought, but he knew he deserved it.
He could feel panic settling in his chest— what if he fucked up for good? What if you drew the line there? What if this was the moment you realized you could do better than him? What if you walked out on him?
Those ‘what if’ questions made him nauseated. Lucas was shit at showing it, but you were his entire world. This relationship was his only motivation to even bother trying in life. Without you, he was sure that he’d either end up thrown into the streets or in jail— just some loser with no chance in hell to make it.
He had to calm the fuck down, he thought. He knew damn well that having an internal breakdown over something that was his fault in the first place wasn’t going to get him anywhere.
He stood up from his chair, cautiously approaching his bed, almost unsure of what he should do. It was like he was second-guessing himself— maybe he should let you sleep it off.
But Lucas ultimately decided to join you in bed, slowly scooting against you and draping his arm over your waist. He already felt like shit, but the feeling only worsened when he felt you flinch, and after an uncomfortable minute of silence, Lucas finally found it in himself to say something.
“Are ya mad at me?” He asked.
And he wanted nothing more than to ram his head against drywall, not impressed with the way he chose to open up.
“Are you mad at me?” You countered in a shaky tone that split his heart in two.
“Wasn’t mad at ya… jus’ the computer,” he said.
“Do you really think I’m dumb?” You asked, voice nearly inaudible.
“C'mon baby, y'know I don’t,” he said.
The silence on your end was goddamn unnerving, absolutely stressing him out. As the seconds ticked by, Lucas could feel his breathing become ragged and heavy, the atmosphere making him increasingly more anxious.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said, realizing that he should have said that in the first place.
Lucas didn’t remember the last time he apologized to someone. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he ever did in his lifetime.
“I just wanted to help,” you said, voice quivering. “But you just yelled at me instead.”
And then the sobs came; Lucas could feel your body shake against him. Oh, God. He made you cry. Lucas didn’t think it was possible for him to feel any shittier at the moment, but here he was.
“No-no-no-no— don’t cry,” Lucas shushed, holding you tighter and burying his face in the crook of your neck.
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, baby,” he apologized again. “I know ya just wanted to help, 'cause yer just the sweetest thing out there.”
“You looked so serious… like you really meant it,” you managed to say through choked up cries. “I feel like I’m the stupidest bother to you.”
“Didn’t mean a goddamn word of it. I know it ain’t no excuse, but I wasn’t thinkin’ right. Aw, shit— I’m the stupid piece o’ crap here. Yer hella smart, darlin’; there ain’t one part o’ ya that’s dumb,” he said. “Y'know I love ya, right?”
You were taking your sweet time to respond, making Lucas all the more anxious. He thought that he had royally fucked up beyond repair.
“Do you… d'ya still love me?” He asked, finding himself ridiculously pathetic for asking such a thing; the shakiness in his tone didn’t help either.
“Of course I do,” you said.
Lucas found some relief in the swift response at his question— no stuttering, no vague answers, no skipped beat. Your crying had also started to die down.
“So, you ain’t gonna, ya know, leave or somethin’?” He asked.
“No. I wouldn’t break up with you over something like this. It’s not worth our entire relationship,” you said. “I’m just a little sad over it. It’s… not really fun getting yelled at by someone you love, you know?”
Lucas nodded. “Yeah.”
Of course nobody liked getting into fights with their loved ones. He sure as hell knew that he’d blow a fuse if you yelled and insulted him the way he had.
“I have anger issues…” he mumbled.
“I know,” you said. “But you’re not as bad as you used to be.”
Lucas could only promise to get better going forward, and with your encouragement, he was sure that he’d be able to do it. But he’d have to try hard, and he knew it.
“Y'ave been hella stressed lately. Want me to help you study later, or somethin’?” He offered.
“If you have time, that’d motivate me.”
“Yeah, I got time. Don’t got much to do in the first place.”
You turned around to face him, wiping the remainder of your tears and offering a small smile before pressing your lips against his in a soft, sweet kiss. You then nuzzled Lucas’ chest as he cradled you protectively against him.
Apology accepted.
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serenityseventeen · 3 years
Text
Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before
The First Letter
-------------------
Tumblr media
To: Choi Seungcheol
From: Y/N
Hi, Seungcheol.
I know that in your life, I've probably been a side character. A classmate in your autobiography or life movie. I don't expect to become anything more than that because now, I don't think I have a chance.
We've known each other since we were young. We've known each other for all of our life basically, right?
I can still remember what a cute kid you were back in kindergarten. You were such a nice little boy and whenever the other kids picked on me, you would stand up to them and say, “Hey! I'll tell the teacher and I'll also tell Y/N's parents about everything!”
I don't know if you remember that, but I do.
When we went to middle school, I think that's when I first began liking you. Even though we live just a block apart from each other, we didn't talk a lot outside of school. Since we were both classmates and knew each other's house location, it was a bit awkward for me, but thank you for talking to me when we waited for the bus at the bus stop together. Sometimes you would just briefly mention my hair or the small details like new shoes or socks.
Thinking about it still gives me hope that you like me.
Throughout middle school, you always fed me hope. Maybe because in general, you were just a charming, manly, attractive, and caring guy. Maybe I'm still misunderstanding too many of your actions.
I can remember so many times that my heart fluttered and my stomach filled with butterflies because of you, Seungcheol. Since this is a letter to you that I won't send, I guess I'll just write them all down here to keep as a memory, just in case I ever miss you or feel nostalgic. You're my first love, after all, Seungcheol.
There was this time when we were in 6th grade. In 6th grade, both of us didn't talk much, and surprisingly, we didn't get a lot of long-term projects together. I don't think we got any at all actually.
Anyway, it was the middle of spring and both of us were just hanging out with our group of friends. You were throwing around a paper ball, playing a game of catch with your friends during the break. I was just being the usual me, listening to my friends talk while drawing dancing cartoons in the empty spaces in my notebook. Sometimes I would glance up and catch a glimpse of you catching the ball.
Despite being in middle school, you had really large, muscular arms. I was watching you and your friend play catch for a bit. Your friend was right next to me, catching the ball, and you were on the opposite side. I turned back to my notebook then all of a sudden, the ball flew right in my face from your hands.
I let out a small “ouch” even though it didn't hurt. Your friend asked me if I was okay, to which I replied that I was fine. Just then, I don't know when you came, but you came in front of me and took my face in your hands. It only hit my forehead but you examined my cheeks, chin, nose, turning my face in all sorts of directions while asking “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” and saying “I'm so sorry” repeatedly. As I'm writing this, the lingering feeling of your warm palms holding my head and the side of my neck still makes my heart race. I didn't think my heart could beat so fast but it did. I think that's when I was sure I liked you more than a one-sided crush. It became a one-sided love for another two years.
There were way too many times my heart fluttered because of you but because this letter is already so long, I will only express my side of three of those times.
I hope this is an event that you remember. It was the day when you, me, and two other friends went to an amusement park. I think of this day as a double date. I can still remember my friend joking about how you and I looked so good together. I don't know if you noticed but I was so shy. She was also joking about how ‘this was a double date’ and because I was being paired up with you like that, I was just feeling over the moon. You didn't even say anything to deny it, you just laughed as I did.
I remember how your friend was convincing you to ride some rollercoasters but you were so afraid and whining. I remember just thinking you were so cute even though the memory is a bit blurry.
After that, because I wanted us to get closer, I said, “I'll ride it with you, it'll be okay.”
You were still skeptical but to me, it looked like you were giving in. I always wonder if it was because of me or if you were annoyed by your friend's continuous convincing. If it was because of me, then, I might regret not telling you my feelings.
Anyway, I rode the rollercoaster with you and I was, evidently, really scared. I was so scared to ride that thing that I was unintentionally screaming with you with my eyes shut. My hand was holding tightly onto the bar that secured us and I couldn't open my eyes at all. Just then, I felt your hand on mine and I could feel the courage to open my eyes. When I finally stopped yelling and opened my eyes, I saw that you still had your eyes squeezed, gripping my hand tightly.
You looked so cute, Seungcheol. If you opened your eyes, you would have seen how brightly I was smiling. Later that night, I remember, I rolled around in my bed and wiggled thinking back on it.
However, whenever I tried to get close with you, I always backed out because even though there are small moments like those I mentioned, there are more times where it seems like you don't like me the way that I like you. I don't know your heart and I know better than anyone that being friends with you would only make my love for you grow deeper.
It's the first time I'm feeling this way for anyone and I don't know what to do. I want to get closer and explicitly tell you that I like you and want you to date me, but at the same time, I don't know which decision is right. We're both still young is the only excuse I can think of, but still, I can't bring myself to tell you how I feel. All I know is that I might be in love with you and you make my heart race.
This is the last thing I'll share in this letter, even though you won't receive it. I just want to tell you my honest feelings that I can't tell you about physically. Yes, I'm being a coward and writing a letter like this.
You know, Seungcheol, you always had this strong aura to you. You can be so cute but you're so masculine too. I like how caring you are, always taking care of your classmates. I admire you for having such a great sense of responsibility. You always remind me when I'm on cleanup duty. Not to mention how charismatic you look when you rap alone at the bus stop. Your deep voice is beautiful when you sing too. I don't think you know how much I know about you. I don't want to seem creepy because these types of things are just things I can't help noticing. I don't even know why I'm writing this down, it just crossed my mind just now. I might as well pour out the rest of my heart to carve you out, right?
There was this one time last year, at the bus stop, when I arrived before you did. Usually, you always came to the bus stop first, and honestly, without you there made me feel uneasy. It made me realize a lot that your presence gave me feelings of reassurance and comfort. Without you there, I was so paranoid that I took out my headphones just in case my headphones would block out the sound of someone coming. I just remember feeling so scared, clenching my cold fists in my lap. The morning was gloomy and it was even raining.
I remember my mind racing, waiting for you to come. However, I was getting even more scared at the fact that I probably wouldn't be able to hear anything so I just wore my headphones again and listened to some music. I was looking down the sidewalk in the direction of my house, wondering if I should ask my father to drive me to school instead, when all of a sudden, you yanked out my headphones.
You were panting, covered in rain. I stood up because I was shocked and nearly wanted to hug you for coming but because we weren't close, I knew it'd be awkward if I thanked you or something. However, what you said to me, has always lingered in my head.
“Hey!” You shouted in a scolding tone, placing your hands on your hips. “What are you doing out here all alone? Why didn't you go back home and get an umbrella, it's raining so much! Plus, you could have waited until I came first until you decided to sit here alone with music blocking your ears! What are you, stupid!?”
At that time, I just stood, frozen. I was wondering why you didn't have an umbrella meanwhile my heart was fluttering. I was wondering why you were scolding me. Were you worried for me? Do you like me? Those questions still float around.
After scolding me, you sighed and apologized.
“No, it's okay,” I said quietly. I couldn't tell you that I was scared because I just didn't know how to say it without making it awkward. If I did say that I was scared since you weren't with me, would things change?
In the end, you were still soaking wet so you called your dad to get you an umbrella. Why was that? Why didn't you just come out with an umbrella?
I have so many questions about so many seemingly minor things you do to me. Are you worried just for me or are you worried for everyone, including all our classmates? Do you find me a source of comfort or were you just too scared to think on the rollercoaster?
Since the questions will never get answered like how this letter will never get mailed, I will conclude negatively, that you don't feel the same way. The main reason I'm writing this letter anyway is that I'm deciding to get over you. I know we're probably going to be stuck in the same high school but I'm going to stop loving you foolishly like this.
Thank you for being my first love. You being yourself made me feel so many different kinds of feelings, so many different emotions. I fell in love for the first time and I'm glad it was with someone like you, even if the ending is bittersweet. After summer break passes, I'll make sure to get over you.
I won't forget you though. I won't forget the way you cared for me. I won't forget the way you are.
You're an unforgettable first love, Seungcheol.
Sincerely,
Y/N
-----------------
© serenityseventeen
6/18/21 - 3:39 pm
a/n: I'm in love with the entire Your Choice album!!! Ready to Love is such a beautiful song, gosh, I'm in love with it!!! Seventeen always has superior B-Sides and ANYONE is my new bias wrecker + The members posted on Instagram today for the first time in forever (except for Seungkwan)!!!
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ignisnocturnalia · 4 years
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Variks x Reader Relationship HC's
Gonna write you as a new light, apologies my God-slaying siblings
News of the Pyramids over Europa reaches far and wide, as does stasis
With this discovery, relayed by a veteran guardian, also reveals news of the Eliksni who instigated the riot at the Prison of Elders
Being freshly revived, there's not much you can make out of the hostility the other Guardians offer the alien
Curious about him, you make a bold request to be stationed on Europa to "monitor" him
Of course, Zavala denies your request and speaks of how important your guns would be here at home
While you say you understand, you're secretly trying to find your way around it
The Drifter
You heard about his escapades to the frozen planet, reasons unknown, but still able to slip through Vanguard sanctions
As usual, a Guardian siding with the Vanguard approaching you with a purpose usually isn't a good thing
"Somethin' you want, kid?"
His tone is carefully jovial, bordering neutral, but you're not foolish enough to think he actually trusts you
"I need to get to Europa."
He stares at you for a solid minute before sizing you up, an inquisitive glare settling on his face
"What's in it for me?"
Having been on Strike detail for months on end, you've got a sweet heap of glimmer and nothing to use it on; you know he doesn't care a lot for the currency, so you offer up your weapons alongside it
He gives you a lopsided grin as he takes the arsenal, waving off the glimmer and taking you to his ramshackle ship
Unsurprisingly, it's a quiet ride, your own Ghost unsure of your actions
Drifter gives you little warning before transmitting you off the ship, leaving you to fall flat on your ass in the deep snow
Despite being a little upset about this, you finally see your goal, the very Eliskni that brought new questions to the ice planet
Every step you take lands your foot in a fluffy sheet of snow, sounding out with a crunch you had never heard before
Soon enough, you've completely deviated from the reason you came to the planet, completely obsessed with the snow under you
The entire time, Variks has been watching you from the window of his base making a fool of yourself
Distantly, he realizes that he thinks you're cute like that
"Here to help, yes?"
You are COMPLETELY caught off guard, turning quickly on your heel before slipping on the ice and landing flat on your ass
A shadow falls over you as you look up to see the well spoken Eliksni towering over you, and you're immensely thankful for the helmet hiding your blush
He offers you one of his real hands, helping you up and you can't help but notice how his hunched form is hiding a solid 8" from his height
Bringing you inside, you slowly decompress from the outside chill and Variks formally introduces himself
You quickly take note of how each of his sentences are punctuated by insect noises, which are quite fun to hear
You explain your circumstances and even though you can only see his eyes, you can feel the confusion in the air
"You left the Tower.. to see me? Variks does not know who you are; you do not know Variks, yes?"
You're slightly disappointed but not surprised by his suspicious behavior, after seeing how other Guardians harped about him
You then remember something very important
"I don't have a ship to get back."
Your ship still sat in the Hangar, locked down until it was needed for use
Variks stood in front of you quietly before also noticing something unusual about you; your weapons were missing
"Stay. I will contact your Commander."
You immediately spring from your seated position, grabbing at his shoulder before he can reach the comms
He seems to understand your plead
You spend the next few days eating freeze dried food, along with MRE's supplied by another curious party on Europa
Variks doesn't join you until he's finished eating in another room, and the conversations you can strike up are limited
You ask him to teach you Eliksni
He appears shocked at first but eagerly obliges, now showing up to eat with you
It's been a good couple of weeks, and you've got a few phrases and words under your belt
Nothing translates directly, everything is interpreted based on the small word choice
Variks didn't know, but you had spent the last 3 days trying to figure out what the closest thing to "I love you" was in Eliksni
That night, when you both settle down to eat, you eye Variks with a renewed purpose
The fuzz in your brain dissipates as, astoundingly, he moves to take off his mouth cover
You can't help but stare at his revealed face not noticing how he fidgets a bit under your intense stare
"Apologies, (y/n). I did not mean to ruin your appetite."
It was now or never
Moving over to sit next to him, you shyly looked up to see he had yet to put the mask back on, instead looking at you with uncertainty
"Yu ne ze." You are my gift. I love you.
The Eliksni's eyes widen and his body stiffens and you worry for a second that you've made a mistake before he turns fully and leans into your face
"Ma yun ne."
His mandibles are often used to caress your face
You find yourself with gifts and trinkets waiting in your small room in the base
He has you spot check his weapons, testing them out and generally having a blast with them
Other Guardians have seen you on occasion, but very few have approached you to ask questions about the mysterious Eliksni
Variks loves it when you hold his hands, even more so when you pet his face
When you find out he can purr, it's one of the most sought after sounds during your intimate moments, and sometimes he will purr simply to indulge you
Even if you're an undead warrior, Variks still piles furs on to your shoulders to make sure you don't get cold during outings
You have had to fend off assassins, often at the cost of your life
This pushes you to accept the deceptive whispers of the Pyramid, carrying you all the way to the Exo Stranger's den
She reluctantly agrees to teach you because of your inexperience, and although neither of you say anything, you and Drifter make quick eye contact
Variks can smell the Darkness on you and is very disappointed, but he doesn't tip off that he knows
Instead, he uses it as an excuse to put you under house arrest
He catalogues every single symptom you have that could barely begin to resemble a sickness, encouraging you to stay inside until you're better
During the nights, you notice he holds you much more tightly against his body
You apologize for your zealousness regarding his safety
Your lessons in Eliksni continue, and soon enough you can hold your own in small conversations with him
Whenever you or Variks look at each other trying to figure something out, you both always ask about the question in your mind
Whoever is asked ends up sitting in the other's lap, but you've found that it's much more convenient to sit in his own
This exploration leads to daily petting or grooming sessions, giving way for more risque activity to take place
Nsfw 👁👄👁
Variks orients himself as a switch, but you can tell he enjoys being on the bottom a little more if his rapid breaths are anything to go by
Brushing and lightly scratching segments on his exoskeleton are immense green lights for him, especially adding just enough force to push into the seams between his limbs
He's very gentle with his teeth, but the red marks he leaves on your body are generous from the amount of fondling he carries out
He's perfectly fine with both of you being bare, so long as a heat source is nearby
This level of exposure allows you to feel every rumble, trill, and moan straight from his chest and you can't deny just how hot it is to have an entire alien making these noises because of you
He delivers plenty of foreplay, always giving you the option to back out of it
With your size difference, you have to work to move up and down his body when you're both laying down
One of his favorite things is when you drag your teeth along his neck or chest, no real threat of harm but an undeniable thrill for him
He may start slow, but towards the end? You're better off simply letting him take care of you the next day
Fluff
After particularly tedious days, you will pull him into your shared room and pepper his face with kisses
Whenever he wants to nap, he selectively chooses your lap so you can massage his back or his forehead
Following the official announcement of your relationship, Zavala finally submits and gives you full permission to stay stationed on Europa, at the price of lengthy field reports at the beginning of every month
Variks, of course, teases you while writing these papers
He'll correct a mistake you made way back in the paper, laughing quietly in the back of his throat as you fume at the obvious inaccuracy
Besides Vanguard papers, you've taken it upon yourself to make him a new arm
You decide to gift it to him once the Dawning starts
Note: I leave some of my handcanons open ended for more ideas, and yes, I am aware they are more like one shot/hc hybrids, but hey, take it as an invitation to ask me to actually write out the whole thing. I will not write out explicit nsfw unless asked, and if I am asked, it will always be gratuitous and extremely detailed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Finals are eating my timbs tho, so I'm currently attempting to study for these hellspawn
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rolandtowen · 3 years
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Prince Zuko was a harsh, entitled boy.
Firelord Zuko is a ruler who makes amends. - a study in the various side characters that Zuko came across in his banishment, and how he repays his past actions.
Read Chapter One on ao3 or under the cut! TW for referenced non-con and colonialism
[I believe @flamehotman and @flameomcfirey wanted to be tagged?]
Chapter One: Song
We will get there when we get there, don't you worry Feel bad about the things we do along the way But not really that bad We inhaled the frozen air Lord, send me a mechanic if I'm not beyond repair
- The Mountain Goats
It happened on a Tuesday afternoon.
Zuko was meeting with the agricultural council, a collection of both scholars and farmers, to discuss best practices for renewing the Fire Nations agricultural trade. For so many decades, the Fire Nation out-sourced its agriculture to land in the colonies and imported much of its food. But with the land being given back, the Fire Nation was either going to have to begin growing its own food again, or import their food at a fair price. The economic committee decided on Monday that reviving the Fire Nation farms would be far more cost effective - and of course, would create more jobs in the Fire Nation. With the war over, the number of soldiers that the military required had dropped dramatically, and there were many citizens without work. Zuko had instated severance benefits for unemployed soldiers - the ones not found guilty of war crimes of course, mostly the young recruits - but it couldn't last forever.
It was maddening. Every time Zuko unraveled one problem, he undoubtedly found or created another one. He was trying, really trying, to keep his people safe. But he also had a duty to the rest of the world. The nations that his lineage colonized, pillaged, and destroyed. He resists the urge to write to Aang, to ask him how he does it, how he balances all of the nations in every action he takes. But Aang is busy, all of his friends are, spread thin to the four corners of the world.
Uncle visits him occasionally, when the letters from staff concerned about Zuko's health pile up on his desk. One too many servants have found him, asleep at his desk, face down in treaty papers. But Uncle has his hands full. He already splits his time enough between the Jasmine Dragon and Ember Island, looking after Azula.
Azula.
She was improving, and that's really all Zuko can ask for. He sees her a couple of times a month, pours her a cup of tea, and they sit on the balcony of their vacation-house-turned-mental-retreat. Most of the time, they don't talk. Zuko won't push her; he remembers his silence in his first few months of being banished, how Uncle had to coax him to say anything at meals. Sometimes the only words he uttered in a day were in prayer before meditation. Zuko had thought to himself, speaking out got me into this mess: I'll never speak again.
He's not sure what words were exchanged between Azula and Ozai before he left her and went to burn down the Earth Kingdom, but he can guess it wasn't good. Few of his father's words were.
So they sit and drink their tea. Sometimes, on a good day, Zuko will fix up Azula's hair for her, and she'll reveal some bits of information that he files away for future examination. Something like, I saw Mom before you came with Master Katara. Or she'll double check her reality, asking, you let Ty Lee and Mai out of jail, right? and Zuko will say yes, her friends are safe, they should be visiting any day now.
As painful as seeing her may be, spending time with Azula is far preferable to sitting through an agricultural council meeting.
He looks down at the paper in front of him, a comprehensive budget list for all of the supplies needed to revitalize the Fire Nation's agricultural sphere. Dozens of machines that he's sure Sokka had a hand in inventing, hundreds of varieties of seeds that Omashu is generously selling to them, and -
Thousands of ostrich-horses.
"Councilor Yichen, can you elaborate on the number of animals in this budget? Certainly with the machines we'll provide, farmers will not need so many working livestock."
Councilor Yichen stands, giving a little bow in Zuko's direction. "Of course, Lord Zuko. While the machines will certainly boost productivity, we only have enough for one per farming village at this point. Each family needs at least one working animal, if not to plow the fields, then to transport goods. We decided on ostrich-horses on a recommendation from farmers in the Earth Kingdom colonies, who found them to be invaluable. An ostrich-horse is, in many ways, more valuable than a machine."
Zuko's stomach settles uncomfortably, but he isn't entirely sure why. "Thank you, Councilor. I understand now."
Yichen gives another little bow before he sits, and the rest of the meeting goes as planned, with the exception of a strange seed of unknown guilt now growing in Zuko's stomach.
"Uncle, do you remember when you made tea out of that poisonous plant?"
Uncle laughs, hands faltering as he pours Zuko a cup of jasmine tea. "I remember, Nephew. How could I ever forget?"
"Do you remember the girl who helped you?"
Uncle takes a sip of the warm tea. "Song. Her mother made the best roast duck." He looks at Zuko out of the corner of his eyes. "Why do you ask?"
Zuko looks out over the gardens. He's able to see the whole palace grounds from where they're seated on the second-floor balcony, watching the sun rise. As far as the eye can see, Zuko is upheld as a flawless ruler, his word taken as law. He's sick of it.
"I stole her ostrich-horse," he murmurs into his tea, taking a sip to calm his nerves. "I just remembered, in that agricultural meeting a few days ago. I - I never knew how essential those were to farmers, I just thought I was taking their ride." He turns to fully face his Uncle. "But I think I took a lot more than that."
Uncle meets his eyes with understanding. "And now you want to give it back."
"I know there's no way for me to fully apologize for how I acted in exile, but it feels like I have to try." The cup quivers a bit in his hands, and so his hands drop to his lap. "I'll need someone to watching over the Nation while I'm gone."
Uncle places one of his warm hands over Zuko's shaking ones. "I'm sure I can deal with your advisors for a few days." He squeezes his hand just slightly around Zuko's. "I'm proud to see that even in a few short months, your wisdom as a ruler is growing. Go, make your amends. The Nation will be here when you return." Uncle calls for Zuko's secretary and tells her to clear as much of the Firelord's schedule as she can for the next week. Their voices fade into the background as Zuko stares into his tea, wracking his brain to try and figure out how to track down just one girl in the entire Earth Kingdom. Sending scouts or soldiers from town to town is a recipe for disaster, and the Earth Kingdom villages have been traumatized enough. He supposes he could always call in a ride on his favorite air bison but - this feels like something he should do on his own.
If Song hates him, it might be hard for her to show it in front of the Avatar.
So he'll go alone. No friends, no royal guard. He'll come into Song's town the same way he came last time - defenseless. She can hate him if she wants, he'll give her that.
And he'll try to give back what he took from her.
He packs light, pulling an old tunic and boots from the back of his wardrobe. Though they've been thoroughly cleaned by the palace staff, the scent of campfires and smoke linger upon them. He grabs a cloak - the Earth Kingdom will be starting to chill at this time of year - and he slips out of the palace, using the servant's entrance to get onto the streets unseen.
Autumn comes quietly in the Earth Kingdom. The trees slowly lose their color, giving the last of their strength into vibrant leaves. Soldiers previously conscripted to fight in the war have either returned to their families or have gone to tend to the scorched earth where the Phoenix King made landfall. They clear the debris of fallen airships, making room for the earth to slowly restore herself.
Song envies those soldiers.
Their lives have changed with the ending of the war, but Song's life continues on, its mundane routine continuing over and over again. She cares for a small garden, crafts herbal remedies for her neighbors, and tries to make her mother comfortable. She curses the Spirits for their cruel sense of humor - her mother survives the greatest war ever seen, lives through the attempted invasion of her homeland, only to be struck down by frailty months after the end of it all. Hasn't she suffered enough? Song has whispered those words to the woods on her way to the well time and time again. Now, her body is just - stopping.
Her mother is dying and there's nothing she can do.
Song knows all living things have their time. And she's seen too many living beings go before their rightful time. But she never imagined her mother's time would be in a time of peace. Wasn't ending the war supposed to stop all this pain? Apparently not. She tries not to become bitter, knows that that's the last thing her mother would want for her, but - it hurts. And there's not a damn thing she can do about it.
The leaves from dying trees crackle under her feet.
She arrives at the well, alone. Her hometown is just barely beginning to wake up, rising from its slumber as mothers bring in dry clothes from the clotheslines and fathers begin to toil in the fields. Children run freely from street to street, with a joy that was forbidden during the Fire Nation's occupation. They're kicking at a ball, passing it from one pair of bare feet to another, and Song smiles at them. Someday, maybe.
She sets her water jug on the stone wall of the well and begins to lower the bucket before hearing the ball make impact and a man's voice grunt, "oof!". She spins rapidly around to see a young man, rear planted firmly in the dirt, one hand rubbing at his forehead while the other wipes at a watering eye. The group of children stand, frozen, and she gives them a look, and unspoken command to stay and apologize to the man they just hit with their ball.
"Here, take my hand," Song holds out her right hand, and the man takes it. When the young man meets her eyes, she almost drops him back in the dirt. He has those amber eyes, and she can just see under his loose hair - a burn scar. "Lee?!"
He stands, brushing dust from his cloak, and she catches the hints of red fabric that lie beneath. She recoils. He sighs. "Um, about that." Song sees his hands tremble against his cloak. "My name's not Lee - and I'm from the Fire Nation."
Song reacts as if she'd been slapped. She trips backwards, away from Not Lee, landing hard against the stone of the well. Her leg is aching, feels like its on fire all over again, looking into those amber eyes.
"How could you? I let you into my home." She braces her hands against the well, her leg threatening to give out at any moment. "Now it all makes sense, that you stole from me. That's all you ashmakers are good for." She spits, and it lands on his scarred cheek. "You take land that isn't yours, take women that aren't yours, you take lives!" Her leg finally collapses, and she sinks to the ground with her back against the well. Not Lee makes a move, and she throws her hands up. "Don't you touch me," she grits out, clutching at her leg. He stills, and she wraps her arms around herself, bringing her knees to her chest. "I pitied you, you know? I thought your mother must've been - I looked at your eyes and thought you were a victim like me, like my mother." Her whole body is trembling, but she doesn't care. "But I bet you know who your father is, I bet you're proud to have his eyes."
Not Lee mirrors her, curling in on himself, not even bothering to wipe his face clean. "I do know who my father is, but I'm not proud of him." He looks up to meet her eyes, and Song is struck by how young he looks. When she'd last seen him, he'd looked gaunt, malnourished, with sharp cheekbones. Now, his face had filled out and he looks - young? The scar makes him look older as well, but when you look on the opposite side of his face - all she can see is a kid, couldn't be older than a teenager.
And he was crying.
Stubborn as he is, Not Lee is resolutely ignoring the tears slowly falling from his eyes, but nevertheless - they fell. Song didn't expect that reaction. Tears are not what she expected from a Fire National. Anger, rage, violence - those are the things she's tasted at the hands of firebenders, but this? This is new.
"I'm sorry," Not Lee whispers, looking at his feet. "I came to apologize, I wanted to repay you for your kindness and return what I took. But I think I've overstayed my welcome." He scrubs at his face roughly with the heel of one hand. "But I am, truly sorry. I acted selfishly the last time I was in your home, and I took advantage of your compassion. And I understand that my nation has done even worse. I'm trying to make it better." He pulls his hair back with a band. "I know you have no reason to trust me, but I would like to purchase you a new ostrich-horse. And anything else you or your mother may require."
Without warning, Not Lee shifts from his seat position to a bowing one, kneeling with his head pressed to the dry earth. Song stares at him for a small eternity, before realizing that he's waiting, unmoving, for her response. For her judgement.
She lets out a small breath. "Okay," his eyes flick up to hers and her stomach twists. The way he bows is so precise - it must have been drilled into him hundreds of times before. Another thing she wouldn't have expected from a firebender. "Come to dinner."
He stands after she does and gives another slight bow. As they begin the walk back to Song's home, he offers to carry her water jug, and Song feels more weight than one lifted from her.
"What did you say your name was again, young man?" Mei pokes at Zuko's shoulder as she hobbles to the table.
"Mom, I'm sorry about her, she's getting older," Song sets a bowl of fragrant roast duck in front of him and Zuko feels his mouth begin to water.
"No, it's okay, I don't think I've actually properly introduced myself." He takes a quick sip of tea - bracing himself for whatever will happen next - and calmly sets the mug back down. "My name is Zuko," he begins slowly. "AndI'mkindoftheFirelord."
There's the sound of Song dropping a bowl in the kitchen, and Mei leans in a bit closer to Zuko.
"Sorry, dear, could you say that again? My ears aren't what they used to be."
Zuko opens his mouth to respond, but Song slowly enters the room, her eyes narrowed in on Zuko. "You said - you're the firelord?" He nods at her, waiting for her to swing a knife at him, kick him out of their home, call some earthbenders to rough him up -
Before his panic can start to set in, Song runs out the front door, slamming it behind her.
Zuko looks helplessly at Mei.
"Give her a moment." Mei brings her pair of chopsticks to her mouth. "Hmm, she still doesn't make it as well as I used to."
"What about you? Do you hate me?"
Mei sighs, putting her bowl down. "I'm too old for hate, dear. My time in this world is almost over. I can't spend it hating world rulers." She takes a sip of her tea. "But Song? She -" Mei sighs again. "She's been hurt deeply by the Fire Nation, in more ways than one. And it isn't just you. But for a long time, the monarchy has been the embodiment of everything terrible that's ever happened to her. And now you're here, standing in front of her."
Zuko nods. "I understand. And I am sorry, to you as well. I don't think I fully understood the reach of the war. I was always taught that the army acted with honor, that women and children were untouchable." He looks down at his folded hands. "I can see that was false."
"Unfortunately, you are correct." She reaches between them to refill Zuko's cup, then Song's, and hands them both to him. "Go to her. A bit of tea should help bring you some good favor."
The screen door opens and closes, and Zuko finds himself out on the porch. Song sits on the edge, absently massaging her leg, peering into the darkness of the forest.
"Can I join you?"
She shrugs, and he takes that as a yes. Handing over her tea, Zuko sits besides her and tries to find what she sees in the darkness.
For a few minutes, the only sounds are those of them drinking and crickets chirping. Then Song speaks.
"His name was Bao."
Treasured. Precious. Rare.
"That's a lovely name."
"What happened to him?" Song turns abruptly to look at him with shining eyes. "Did he...?"
Zuko shakes his head emphatically. "My Uncle and I traded him to a florist for safe passage to Ba Sing Se. The florist seemed like a good man."
"You went to Ba Sing Se?"
Zuko runs one hand down the back of his neck. "I might have conquered it, actually?"
Sing snorts. "That part I've heard about. You've lived an interesting life, Zuko."
"If by 'interesting' you mean messy, then yes." He sighs. "You had no reason to trust me. Why did you let me back into your home?"
Song laughs, tinged with bitterness. "My mother says I'm too trusting, too gullible." She swirls the dregs of her tea around the bottom of her cup. "But I think there's strength in being kind. And I really did want to forgive you. But you have to be ready."
"And do you think I am?"
She smiles softly at him. "For me, yes. But my guess is I'm not the only person you hurt in exile." She gulps down her remaining tea. "They may not be as forgiving as I am."
"I'm preparing myself for that possibility."
"Does it scare you?"
Zuko ponders it. "I think it does. The idea that I've hurt someone innocent so badly that they may never be able to move past it... that keeps me up at night."
Songs turns towards him, tucking her knees up to her chest. "We can't control how other people see us in this life. How they react to our actions is up to them - all that we can control is our response. You have to be ready to accept that someone may not be ready to forgive you, and you can't let that eat you up." She stares at him intently. "You have to confident that your own actions are enough. That they're good."
It's Zuko's turn to laugh sourly. "Easier said than done," his hand wanders to his scar. "Sometimes I'm still not sure if what I'm doing is right."
"You don't have to do it alone, you know," Song gives him an understanding look. "You need other people around you, Zuko, to remind you what's good."
He huffs, looking down at his hands, folded in his lap. "Do you want to be one of those people?"
"I think you have more than enough goodness surrounding you already. You just have to be confident enough to ask." She sighs, looking back out into the darkness. "Besides, I have to stay here with my mother. She doesn't have long."
"Are you sure there's nothing I can do? I could send my healers -"
She shakes her head, cutting him off midsentence. "It's her time." She begins to rub at her scars again. "I just didn't know how much it would hurt. We finally have some peace, and suddenly it's her time."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, not for this. It's due to you that she'll be able to die during peacetime." Her hands come to her eyes, wiping tears away before they can spill down her cheeks. "Her biggest fear was that she'd die and leave me alone to fend for myself during the war. You released her from that fear. Of course I forgive you, Zuko. My mother's no longer scared of dying because of you."
The two of them are silent for a long time, watching fireflies flicker off and on in the trees, listening to the crickets sing.
"I'm going to find Bao for you."
Song looks up in surprise. "You don't have to-"
"I want to, I'm sure he's still out there somewhere." Zuko rises from his seat. "If you ever need anything, anything, you write directly to me. I'll tell my staff that you're a priority."
"Are you leaving?" Song stands as well. "You could stay, if you want."
Zuko shakes his head silently. "I have to get back, and travelling by night is best for a Firelord who doesn't want his identity revealed," he smiles, his scarred skin relaxing into it. With that, he pulls his hair out of its topknot, grabs his pack and swords, and starts to disappear into the night.
"Firelord Zuko?" He stops and turns back at the sound of Song's voice. She makes the sign of the flame and bows. "Thank you, for everything." He bows back, lower than protocol dictates, but he doesn't care.
Three weeks pass, and the air has turned bitterly cold.
Song again makes her daily trip to the village well, with snow crunching under her feet instead of dead leaves. The soldiers have returned from their work in restoring fields for the season, and so the village feels alive when she steps into it. Despite the chill, children still run in the street, under the watchful eye of their mothers and fathers. Song feels a twinge of longing, but she tries to focus on the happiness she feels for the children instead. Song sets her water jug on the side of the well, breathing hot air into her palms to warm her hands after touching the freezing stone.
"Excuse me, miss, are you Song?" A voice comes from behind her, and she turns to see two men dressed in red tunics.
"I am," she replies, tucking her hands into the pockets of her hanbok. "And you are?"
They bow to her. "We come on behalf of Firelord Zuko, to deliver a gift." A third man rounds the corner with an ostrich-horse on a tether. "We found him at a desert settlement, he's been well taken care of, but if there's anything you need -"
They're cut off as Song runs to throw her arms around the neck of the ostrich-horse. "Bao!" She strokes his beak, looking into his eyes. "Do you remember me?"
Bao cocks his head to the side, pupils widening as he chirps softly, and then he lets out a loud whinny, pushing his head into Song's chest. He purrs, closing his eyes and relaxes against her.
"Sweet Bao, it's really me, you're really home," Song can feel her eyes dampening, but holds it together as one of the men hands her a bit of parchment.
"A note from the Firelord. He wanted us to remind you that you can write to him anytime you need anything."
Song nods. "And tell him I said 'thank-you' again." Bao whinnies loudly again, and she adds on, "Bao says 'thank-you' too."
"Of course, miss." With a synchronized bow, the men depart, and Song unrolls the parchment.
Song,
I've followed your advice and surrounded myself with good people. It helps.
Give my best to your mother - my Uncle still talks about her roast duck sometimes. I've established a fund specially for women and child victims of the war, inspired by some of what you and Mei shared with me. Write me if you feel like you or anyone in your village wants to apply for it.
And, thank you for trusting and forgiving me. I'll try to keep earning it.
May the Spirits continually bless you,
Zuko
She tucks the parchment into her pocket, fills her jug, and finds herself back in Bao's familiar saddle after more than a year. "Come on, Bao," she says as she takes the lead into her hands, guiding them back to the empty farmhouse.
"Let's go home."
[if you read through this whole thing, go drink some water! I'll know if u don't :) ]
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boop-le-snoot · 4 years
Text
PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 37
💖 first time reader click here 💖
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Five more chapters to go, guys. This is coming to an end 😭 I enjoyed writing it so, so much! In this chapter we have fluff. Literally only fluff and snark, because my babies have suffered enough. And the remainder is gonna be the same. Because fuck pain.
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Coulson was mad. Outwardly, of course, he seemed as level-headed as ever, handing out orders and signing papers out left and right, but coming to sit within five feet of him seemed like the worst mistake I had recently made. His phone was ringing practically non-stop and he answered every call, sometimes speaking in different languages I didn't understand, sometimes in rapid-fire English that sounded like Morse code to me.
I'd never been sent to the principal's office but I imagine that's how it feels like. Finally, his shoulders sagged and the breath he took in left his lungs slowly, deflating his body into a tense ball of quiet fury.
"You and mister Brock ruined months worth of investigation and undercover work," The agent finally spoke. "But I can't even be mad at you properly. We've apprehended the main culprit, detained all of his followers except select few that Dr. Xavier took upon himself to handle," His words shocked me; not at all the scolding I was expecting. A deeper part of me was even afraid I'd be taken away and buried under so much red tape not even Tony's seemingly endless money and influence could have gotten me out. "I... Really don't know what more to say." Coulson folded his hands atop the desk, looking over me with a blank look.
"A thank you would be nice," I let my mouth run before the words even really registered in my brain, the cursed thing.
The agent chortled, "Perhaps, we really do owe you a solid one," Before standing up and walking over to the coffee machine in the far corner of his office. "Coffee?" He motioned to a pile of empty cups next to it. I nodded and he set to work. "The guys should be back in two hours, tops," He remarked off-handedly, watching me out of the corner of his eye. There was no way he had missed how my body relaxed into the uncomfortable office chair at the news. "Nobody is hurt except Rogers but I think he'd find how to hurt himself even on recon duty." The man laughed, bringing over two cups of dark, delicious, steamiy hot bean juice. Nhghhgg.
"Steve is a dumbass," I agreed amicably, blowing over the rim of the cup. The stone of coffee on it's own seemed to wake up my previously anxious, half-empty half-racing brain. The past twelve hours were full of urgency, the team being called in for assistance in mere minutes after my and Venom's return to the tower.
They barely had time to wipe their tears and shelf their worries before the suit-up call came, haste hugs and kisses being traded on their way to the quinjet. Coulson showed up not much later after that, a quinjet of his own and a stack of papers for Eddie to fill out, stern instructions for me to follow him and stay glued to his side at all times. I didn't need to ask: it was obvious there was a rat in SHIELD, again. Thankfully, the rat was discovered before they could come and try to increase their odds by doing something to me; I'd hid out in Coulson's office, crashing down into a strange, most likely Venom-induced sleep as footsteps raced past the door.
I'd woken up anxious and disoriented, the owner of the office pacing along the furthest wall and pointedly whispering into his cellphone. The rest was history.
"Your father called," The agent remarked, watching my reaction carefully. "Said to call him back whenever you can."
I was drained, beyond wrung out, and not just from my latest stunt as a parasitic symbiotic alien's host. The past couple of months were a nightmare, an anxiety-riddled, paranoia-spiced mess of a shit show. I was very much looking forward to breathing freely and enjoying my science without hiding my WIPs, enjoying my relationship (s) without fear of being abducted and sending my men into a panicked, destructive spiral.
My voice remained even as I carefully contemplated and spoke my next words. "He can go fuck himself. Him and that harpy of a woman," I sighed: disappointed in my parents, but not surprised. "I'm freshly out of fucks to give. I'm done."
Coulson, if he even was surprised, didn't show it. His expression remained neutral and supportive. "I understand you. There's enough basis for us to aid you in creating a new identity for you, if you'd like," He pushed a stack of papers towards me.
I chewed on my lip in contemplation. It would be handy, sure, I could be rid of the curse that became of my family name and my parents couldn't legally do anything at all to me; on the other side there was my name plastered on several inventions and projects I'd done over the years. In all my years, I was taught that my name is to be my business card.
The decision was obvious. "No, thank you," I looked at him, hoping to convey the sincerity. "I think I will be okay."
He smiled and went back to his paperwork, all but verbally dismissing me. As soon as I finished my coffee and washed the mug, the couch called to me once again and I curled up under the fleece blanket Coulson had thrown over me while I slept, alternating my attention between sneaking glances at his concentrated form and my cellphone and the few meager games it had. There was no signal and no wi-fi access on the Helicarrier. Security reasons, blah blah blah...
A knock sounded out, startling me out of my sluggish thoughts; one of Coulson's hands crawled down to one of the drawers on his right side where I assumed he had hidden a gun. "Come in," He called out, shooting me a pointed look. I sat up, alert.
"M'here to pick up - uh - a Baby," A tired but amused, familiar voice called out. Clint stepped into the room, still wearing his dirty and bloody uniform, and, as my eyes briefly scanned him, the archer appeared to be unhurt save for a few bruises here and there. His eyes landed on me immediately, visibly relieved.
"Waa," I deadpanned indignantly, raising my hands like a toddler would do when they wanted to be picked up. The only thing Clint was missing was a courier's ball cap.
"I assume the mission went smoothly?" Coulson asked, a soft grin and even softer eyes landing on our interaction.
Clint nodded affirmative, walking over and picking me up with ease, disregarding my shierk completely and stopping only when I poked him in the ear - closest appendage to me - in retaliation. His eyes were laughing and his tone was flat. "Caw caw, motherfucker," He announced to me flatly, waving goodbye to Coulson.
We passed more than a dozen agents giving us the biggest side-eye as I dangled over his shoulder, ass up in the air, fiddling with the numerous straps of his gear as Clint power-walked us to the Avengers quinjet. I'd even stuck out my tongue to some dude pointing a finger at us.
My family was already loaded into the vehicle, all in various stages of dirty, bloody and undressed. Coulson's words were true - only Steve sported a wide bandage over his shoulder, neck and head - one look at Bucky and I just knew the Captain would be regretting his stupidity in a few hours time. Even Stephen was there, looking unhurt but very annoyed and tired, as he hovered a few feet off the ground with Cloaky majestically swaying behind him.
"And what the fuck was that little performance for?" I asked once Clint deposited me in the very front row, between a dozing Bruce and a tinkering Tony.
"I had strict instructions from the Hulk," The archer grinned, pushing a few buttons on the dashboard of the vehicle. In seconds, we took off home.
"Oh, hi," Bruce must've heard his green counterpart being mentioned; his eyes cracked open just as I smiled at the scientist and reached over to brush his curly mop of hair out of his face. "M'yes, Hulk is demanding you do not set foot on the ground these days," Bruce was sleepy and warm, so soft when he kissed my hand, I felt my heart swell.
"Gonna spoil me rotten, you lot," I snorted, keeping the happy smile and the warm feeling as Stephen came back from the Astral world, opening his eyes and giving me a grin of his own.
"That's my job," Tony mumbled, still very occupied with a part of his suit. I turned around expecting a kiss; I had to stifle an ugly snort upon discovering one of the parts of his Iron Man suit got damaged and stuck, making a part of the chestplate render one of his arms temporarily immobile. Tony looked like a frustrated toddler building Legos.
"Someone get me a screwdriver and some pliers," I gently pried away the calloused fingers away from the jagged piece of metal, kissing Tony's cheek in the moments until Natasha handed me the required instruments. Tony was free, grimacing in discomfort as he stretched and rotated his arm, in little under ten minutes. "What happened to the nanosuit?" I asked, not remembering the last time I'd seen Tony in one of his older, clunkier creations.
"They had some sort of technopath mutant," He grumbled - I had discovered the source of his ire. "Turns out, Bruce snuck in my special anti-mutant suit I'd made ages ago. Nanosuit got destroyed in seconds and Hulk had to carry me back to the quinjet for a change of equipment," Despite his sour mood, Tony was visibly more relaxed than since the day I confessed I'd been drugged. "Brucie-bear, this is exactly why it remained a prototype."
"It's better to get stuck in a suit than to be a meat pancake on the sidewalk," Used to Tony's tantrums, Bruce merely blinked and continued eating the chocolate that he procured only God knew where.
I locked eyes with Stephen, both of us shaking our heads in almost identical, semi-fond semi-annoyed way. Ah, sweet sweet normalcy.
There were towers of pizza boxes as we arrived in the tower; a couple of agents got all but yeeted out by Tony, with little to no thank you as they had been the ones that arranged the food for us - still, I understood Tony's dislike of the super-secret organisation and merely paid the two for the pizza, politely waving goodbye as they side-eyed Tony with disdain.
Then, I had to tow both Clint and Thor as they attempted to begin eating, still wearing muddy bloody clothes - of course, I did not possess the physical strength required to handle two adult men, so I merely began a small lecture on parasites (Stephen gleefully joined in) and both of them scattered towards the showers like two spooked little first-graders.
I also used the brief moment of stagnation to hug Loki; these days he didn't freeze in surprise but rather warmly hugged me back, whispering something cheeky to me as I buried my face in his chest. Stephen was the one to cough extra-loudly to attempt to separate us - it was, once again, unanimously decided to have a family dinner and a cuddle pile straight after. Food coma had never sounded nicer.
"So, what'd Coulson say to you?" Clint asked curiously as we all settled in, freshly showered and those who needed it, re-bandaged. I was warm and toasty between Tony and Stephen, wearing the former's gym shorts and the latter's hoodie, Bruce's t-shirt underneath it. The scientist himself was drooling onto Tony's shoulder, somwhere between sleep and awareness, glasses askew.
"He basically thanked me and offered me a new identity," I shrugged, polishing off the last of my smoothie and handing the second bottle over to Loki. As usual, no food was wasted and I always had someone to finish my leftovers, especially since Bucky tended to think I could eat as much as him and kept trying to overfeed me like a foie gras goose.
"Congrats, you've been adopted," Natasha snorted from her place between Clint and Steve. Only the red of her hair was visible behind the man-bulk and the blankets.
"Uh," My response was, as always, deeply informative and astute.
"He likes to take in strays," Clint full-belly laughed. "Me at first, then Natasha. He's got a soft spot for Tony and Bucky but he won't admit it."
My eyebrows rose. "That's... That's my job?" I remembered the whole Venom/Eddie situation, our rogue wizard. Coulson was aiming for my place- the audacity! "He can't just do that!"
"And you can?" Stephen's finger booped my nose, making me huff and cuddle up to Tony, turning my butt towards the sorcerer to show him exactly what I thought about his observations. He only laughed harder. "Sounds like someone's a little jealous."
"Okay, boomer," I rolled my eyes. Stephen Strange, a supreme troll is what he is.
"But that's why you love me," He continued as others around us groaned and snorted, too used to us teasing each other about our age difference and my old man kink. Whatever, I got to bang my hot old men anyways.
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THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @warrior1-19 @toomanyrobins @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming
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thatsgay-writes · 4 years
Text
Korrasami x Reader Part 2
Summary: Telling your kids how you all started dating.
Warning: Light cursing?
Ages in flashback:
Korra: 21
Asami: 22
You: 23
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"I wanna know how you and mommy got with mama." You give your son a kiss on the head, "Ok bud, so..."
*Flashback Start*
You and Asami had been dating for 4 years at this point and you had helped her build her company back up. You both had been sending letter to Korra, some were joint letters and some were not. You two were also the only two to get responses. You knew about Asami's not so small crush on the Avatar and had known about it for a while. You both had talked about it and you confessed that you didn't always see Korra in just a friendly way either. You both had planned on telling her about it after everything that happened with Unalaq but knew that she had gone through practically two breaks up within a month and decided to wait. Turns out you waited too long because before you could even blink, Korra was paralyzed and on her way back to the South Pole. Asami kept getting nightmares about that day and what could have happened if Suyin didn't get the poison out. Over the years they did lessen and soon stop happening. When Asami went to talk to her dad the first time, she came back to you crying. She told you how she wanted to forgive him but she just didn't know how and if it was a good idea. You told her that you would stand behind whatever she decided to do and that if she did want to forgive him, to just take it slow.
When Korra did come back you were surprised by her hair. "Wow, I love what you did with your hair." Asami said, standing a few feet in front of Korra. Korra blushed and grabbed her short hair a little. She goes to respond before feeling arms wrap around her from behind, "Korra! Oh my spirits, you cut your hair it's so cute!" You said in excitement before giving Korra a kiss on the cheek, causing her to blush more. She just mumbles a thanks as Asami smirks, seeing the blush you and her caused. With Korra back, you and Asami talked more about finally confessing the feelings you both had been harboring for the Avatar for the past 3 years. But of course something had to happen and next thing you know, you are all fighting for Republic city against a giant machine with a spirit beam.
You had watched as Korra froze water over the robot and Asami's humming bird land on it. You watched at one of the robots hands broke out and was heading towards the humming bird. "No..." you said as you watched in fear as the hand got closer and closer to the humming bird machine. You let out a huge sigh of relief as you watched Asami (You knew it was her because she was on top.) get ejected from the humming bird, until you realized that she was the only one ejected. "Shit." As much as you wanted to go and comfort her immediately, you had a job to do and you wouldn't want her dad's death to be in vain. Your job was to more or less be back up for Korra because the room was too small for all three of you to fight in. When the machine crashed, you followed Korra and Kuvira into the spirit wilds. You were shocked when Kuvira turned the spirit beam on and made sure to help Korra and Kuvira dodge the beam. When the beam got shot right at the three of you, you helped strengthen the sides and top of the air pocket Korra made to protect you all.
When the three of you get sent into the spirit world, you get sent flying away from the other two. You end up landing on a sharp rock and getting stabbed by said rock. You would have just laid there and waited for someone to come find you but you knew that Korra and Kuvira were too occupied with each other and after getting the rock out of you, you were losing blood too fast. Stumbling towards the new spirit portal, you see Korra talking to Kuvira, who finally hangs her head in defeat. "Is it over?" You ask standing a little ways away from the two girls. Korra smiles hearing your voice before turning around and responding, "Yeah, maybe we can all go on a vacation after this." Korra jokes. You smile at her, "Thank the spirits." You say before falling to your knees. "Y/n!" Korra yells running up to and catching you before you face planted. Her expression turns from one of concern to horror after seeing the blood that was soaking your shirt. "Kuvira see if anyone has water! Hurry!" Korra says as she looks around and doesn't see any water. Of course they open a spirit portal in the one place that doesn't have water. "Come on, stay awake. Asami will kill both of us if you die." Korra says as she keeps your head on her shoulder and ties cloth around your wound.
Kuvira rushed out the spirit portal and stumbled forward after tripping on some rocks. She looked up to see Korra's friends standing in a defensive position, ready to attack. "Let Kuvira go or we will fire." Somebody in a mech suit said. Kuvira shook her head, remembering what was happening in the spirit world. "Stand down, this battle is done. But do any of you have water? It's an emergency." Everyone looked at her confused, "Korra's friend is injured pretty badly and where we landed in the spirit world didn't have any near by water." Asami immediately got worried when Kuvira said "Korra's friend". "Y/n!" Asami says out loud before grabbing Kya's hand, knowing she had water on her, and running towards the spirit portal. When she breaks through the portal she almost cries at the sight before her. Korra is sitting on the ground, with her legs open, and has your head on her shoulder and your body laying in between her legs. The wound in your back was very obvious and had bled through the cloth Korra wrapped around it. Kya had rushed forwards immediately and unwrapped the cloth from around your wound, causing you to cry out in pain. That sound finally broke Asami from her trance and she ran forwards.
Asami kneels down next to Korra and notices the shine of tears in Korra's eyes. Asami puts one of her hands on the back of Korra's neck and rubs her thumb back in forth in an attempt to calm her down. She takes her other hand and places it on your cheek, you shift your head a little to push into Asami's hand. "I'm going to do as much as I can but the wound is a lot deeper than it looks. She is gonna need a healing pool to completely heal." Asami nods her head before giving you and Korra a kiss on the cheek before running back out the spirit to get Tenzin to get a bison.
*Time skip to Zhu Li and Varrick's Wedding*
You and Asami sat on the stairs outside looking at the spirit portal. "I can't believe Korra made that." Asami nods her head in agreement, "Only Korra would accidentally make a spirit portal." You chuckle at her statement and hear a playful scoff come from behind you. "You both act like it was on purpose." You and Asami turn to see Korra standing behind you with her arms crossed over her chest and a playful glare on her face. You roll your eyes before slowly moving over to leave space between you and Asami for Korra to sit. You accidentally wince a little as you move causing Korra to rush forward a little. "No, y/n you don't need to move." "It's okay Korra... Asami and I actually need to... talk to you." You say a little nervously, which causes Korra to get suspicious. She sits down slowly before looking between you and Asami. Asami wouldn't meet her eyes and just looked down blushing. Korra turned to look at you, to see you holding a letter to her. She looks at you confused before slowly grabbing it. As she goes to open it, you speak. "This is the last letter Asami and I wrote to you, we just never got the chance to send it." Korra nods her head before focusing on the letter to read it.
(italics is Asami writing and bold is you writing.)
Dear Korra,
I hope your doing better and that you always know you can talk to me and y/n. We heard you're coming back in a couple weeks and are absolutely ecstatic. With that knowledge in mind we decided to not actually send this letter, we thought it would be better for you to read in person. Okay I took over because Asami is way to formal with this stuff. SHE HIT ME! The nerve of that woman I swear. But anyways, I'm going to make this short and simple. I'm in love with you, we're in love with you. Yes, you read that correctly. I can't speak for Asami but I didn't fully realize how deeply I was in love with you until I saw you laying on the ground after Zaheer had poisoned you. I always knew I had an attraction to you and felt more towards you than a friend should but seeing you laying there, almost dead, felt like a punch to the face. You could have died having never known about how much we love you, how much people love you. I would say that after seeing that, that I didn't hesitate to tell you because life is short but you were so broken afterwards and we couldn't put that on you. You needed time to heal and I understood that. My only hope now is that you haven't found somebody in the south pole. Now that y/n is done writing and being annoying, I want to agree with most of what she said. I know we had a rough start, with everything that happened with Mako (his eyebrows though), ignore y/n. But somewhere along the line of going from competition to friends, I realized that you dating Mako wasn't the source of my jealousy, well it was just not in the way most people thought. I wasn't jealous that you were dating Mako I was jealous that Mako got to be the one dating you. He obviously didn't know what he was doing when he broke up with you. I swear if Y/n takes this paper one more time I'm going to hit her again. Anyways, Y/n and I talked and we were wondering if you would be our girlfriend or at the very least go on a date with us.
With love,
Y/n and Asami
Korra's mouth was opened in shock. She was so sure that the letter was a prank or something but when she looked up at the both of you and saw how nervous you both were, she realized that it wasn't. "Both... You... You both love me?" You bit your lip nervously before nodding in response. Asami looked up in concern, "If you don't feel the same way, we can all act like this never happened. We wouldn't pressure you in---" Asami gets interrupted by Korra pulling her in to a kiss. You watch with a giant smile as Asami relaxes into the kiss and returns it. Korra pulls away and turns to look at you, "I can do that now right, I know I should've as---" This time Korra is cut off by you pulling her into a kiss. This time it's Asami smiling as Korra relaxes into the kiss. When you both pull away from each other, Asami speaks. "So I guess that's a yes to our question." Korra blushes and rubs her neck nervously, "Yeah... I love you guys too if that wasn't obvious." You and Asami share a smile before pulling Korra into a group hug. You all sit there for a moment before pulling away. You wrap an arm around Korra's shoulder and hold Asami's hand with the same hand. "So..." You say looking out at the spirit portal. "Y'all want to go on a vacation?"
*Flashback End*
"Whoa! Do you have a scar!?" You chuckle at your sons excitement. "Yeah I'll show y'all before bed tomorrow if you're good for Bolin and Opal tomorrow. That means best behavior." "Okay mom." Your son says with a serious expression, he wanted to see that scar. "You ruffle up his hair before moving to your oldest daughter's bed. "Now, what story do you want to here?"
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