#we got out of the house a lot later then i wanted bc mom had to help grandma with her car when it broke down

[truckstoptigers]

when i was seven and our trailer burned down, i thought about leaving my father there, grabbing my brother, and getting us the hell out

i didn't. i ended up waking our father and we all ended up at the neighbors' house

but i should have

i fucking should have

because the minute he had a chance to be alone with me (after we got to my grandma's trailer) guess what he did! shortly after our fucking HOME burned down and the firefighters gave my brother and i teddy bears and wrapped blankets around us for shock!!!!!! fucking christ i hate our father more than anyone on this earth

[weirdnesstheory]

i was a ton more drained then i expected to be so i was sort of sleeping on and off but since i’m heading to bed again i’ll likely be back a lot later instead since i still have my usual sunday shift in the evening

[sugar-omi]

Just some brainrot because we love Cove. (Also, your fics are soooo good. Thanks for sharing it with us. I mean omega! and rockstar!cove :o )

So, we have Step 3 Cove in hand some time after Patreon's nsfw moment. MC is obssessed with giving him head, of course. He's so cute when you do...what can I say ? I'm a simple human. So yes they do it often, like casually saying : "Cove, I'm hungry." while you two are casually hanging out. At first he doesn't understand but the look in your eyes convey your message to him.

Most of the time, you'll be totally satisfied with just leaving him all red, dishevelled and flustered. Just having him putty in your hand makes your day. But at some point, when you ask Cove to come to your house (without kinky ideas in mind for once) he asks you if your just horny. While it makes sense, I like imagining that MC decides to not get him off anymore. Obviously until he begs, all red and pent up, for a release.

In the meantime, MC just spent their time teasing him. Light touches, flirty remarks and maybe getting him all worked up while making out only to purposefully stop. The poor guy, will clearly snap if show up at his door, anklet on.

This was a bit long and I'm sorry if there's any mistake as english isn't my first language.

I LOVE YOU ANON IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE ROCKSTAR!COVE TOO HEHE 🙈🙈🙈(omega!cove too, im having sm thoughts abt him lately...) also dw your english is perfect n i feel like you took an exert outta my head LMAO

tags : NSFW, hc's, gn reader, multiple choice dialogue, this just a really big ramble bc i've been a zombie thinking abt this shit n now we're here...., mmm overstim, oral (cove/reader receiving), reader's a TEASE, mind break honestly, ooc but idc 🏌️

he's confused when you first make subtle hints/advances, but i think realization hits him like a truck a millisecond later

for the longest you two wouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other

late at night sneaking into the others room so you can suck cove off, trying to keep all the slurping and gagging noises to a minimum

cove's moans are another struggle, but i say climb on top of him and let him eat you out / suck you off while you suck him off too

ohh his head would SPIN with that

he almost woke up your mom's last week because he moaned a little too loud when he finished

so now you're on top of him, your lovely ass and sex in his face

ahhh he'd be so fucking cute. teary eyed and whining into and drooling all over your cunt / cock, pulling you down onto his face so he can get more of you

also i loveee the thought of sucking him off in his car

realistically, i don't think step 3 cove could even handle the thought, he'd probably faint and hit his head n die LMAO

but arghh it'd be so hot

you went on a nice date, and now you're sitting in the parking lot of a beach far from home late at night, and tonight was so much fun.

shopping, movies, you even got some nice food from a hole in the wall restaurant

and now you're finally alone, no one around to see your boyfriend throw his head back, claw at the steering wheel and moan and babble and try not to thrust up into your mouth because he doesn't wanna hurt you

he's so whiny, and so loud

you've been sneaking around for awhile now, you can't blame him for wanting to be vocal because fuck your hot, wet mouth around his cock is so hot

and definitely doesn't help he's probably overstimulated, his cock so sensitive because you've been touching n sucking him off so much

let alone when he's rubbing one out in the shower before a date/event or in the middle of the night because he had a wet dream about you<333

mmm idk about yall, but i would break him <333

of course he doesn't interpret every touch or invite as sexual, but i also you've ruined him so you can't blame him, its your fault 🤭🤭

so now whenever you rub and squeeze his thigh, or give him a hot kiss, or say something like "cove, i wanna leave now... " or "come over, i miss you <3"

or send him a spicy text, "i had a dirty dream about you, can i come over, please?"

z

also omfg i would be so satisfied with just teasing him too…

i love it so much. it’s the best actually

mm i like having long nails, i’m always thinking about getting a new set/doing your nails all pretty and you’re showing them off to cove then you tell him “i wanna see how they look around your dick”

he’d love that omfg

imagine dragging your nails over his chest, teasing his sensitive nipples before you move down, pulling out his dick and giving languished strokes while you kiss him breathless, only moving onto leaving love bites all over his neck n chest once he’s a drooling, blushing mess <33

i think he’s gotten used to your late night/midday booty calls too

so when you invite him over, he can’t help but anticipate sex

but instead you’ve set up some snacks and a movie you’ve been waiting to come out set up on the TV and now cove looks like a fool with a half hard dick and with how fast he rushed over here

when you ask what’s wrong he’s mumbling, stuttering out how he thought you had ulterior motives for inviting him over…

so now it’s his fault because now he’s set up on your couch with him on your lap, teasing him about how he’s too horny to even imagine his s/o would want a normal date, no ulterior motives whatsoever

how he probably can’t even hold your hand without thinking about how you jerked him off in the bathroom of his workplace

and you’re so fucking right

because some days he can’t even kiss you without remembering his taste on your lips, can’t forget how your legs were trembling on either side of his head and now you’re having lunch with your families

how you’re sharing ice cream and jokes with your friends like you didn’t pull him aside before you left and got him off, begging him to cum, that you need to taste him to get by

omfg i also love the reverse/the consequence of breaking cove this way

because either way, he’s obsessed with you too

needs to taste you, have you… he’s just dying every day to have you under his hands, on his tongue..

and i can’t decide which i love more.. teasing cove bc he needs to have you, or teasing cove bc he gets so wound up from you needing him often

bc both is so delicious, and both of them scratch my brain so much

cove eagerly eating you out / sucking you off at the beach, he can’t even focus on teaching you surfing/surfing with you or building sandcastles, etc. because all he can think about is you n having his mouth on you…

you’ll show him a new outfit or sit in his lap or cuddle up next to him, etc. and now he’s thinking about ruining you in those clothes or sinking onto his knees giving you head while you lay back on the couch, still focused on your show

i love how in the ORCA dinner moment cove gets tense when you touch his thigh

i think he’d definitely be obsessed with you teasing him, working him up, dirty talking him especially

oh fuck i almost forgot. in the first patreon nsfw moment, he loves when you pull away before he finishes and you “don’t want it to end”

so technically this is canon <3333

so he’d definitely love is you pulled up to your date one day, anklet on and looking so lovely

n you’re touching his thigh, telling him how good he looks, kissing him suddenly and then pulling him into a deeper kiss when he gets it together

at some point you end up in his car, too busy swapping spit and slipping your hands where you can to get a feel of each other under those clothes, to even make it home

of course eventually you do, but even then your teasing doesn’t stop

ohhh sitting in his lap, rolling your hips into his, kissing him breathless until he’s babbling

you try to pull away, partially to tease cove but also because its late and his dad will be back any time now

but he convinces you to just get each other off, that you’ll have enough time so please?

and while you’re jerking cove off, you hear cliff’s car pull up and cove has not been quiet whatsoever, you couldn’t possibly risk it

but he’s so desperate, he’s so close to finishing, you can’t stop now!!

on the verge of tears prbly, all blushy and hot and a total mess

babbling about how he’ll be quiet so please make him cum, he’ll be good so please.

he’s such a doll, and he does keep his promise, even if it means shoving your undies in his mouth or muffling him some other way, like with your hands, lips, or sex

or you can let him bite/hide his face in the pillow, messing up his bed from all his squirming…

fuck this turned into such a big ramble tysm for sending this, im sorry i used this as a chance to unleash my apocalypse of horny brainworms LOL

[arrowettexx]

DC CHARACTERS THANOS SNAP HCs :

KON-EL :

-Kon-el to nobody’s surprise infact DID NOT survive the mf snap.

- thanos put an order out for Kon-el to specifically be snapped out of existence.(due to pure annoyance)

- bro would lie and say he survived and was just “In HiDInG”

- bro would be in sm denial

-gaslight people into believing he was a threat to thanos and that’s why he was snapped 💀

CISSIE KING JONES:

-cissie king Jones DID survive the thanos snap

-Girl did NOT care that half of the world was gone.

-ends up finding roy harper and Jason when deciding to try and find Tim and any other batfamily members at the Wayne manor

- news flash… bitches were nowhere to be seen so. Ykw that means ? NEW CRIB!

-they all just don’t care that half the world is gone together

- then it hits her. HER MOM IS GONE!?

-she celebrated and in fact again did.not.care💀

- 5 years later everyone came back ..

-bitch.was.PISSED.

-her mom was there to annoy her once more 🥲

ROY AND JASON

-roy and Jason some how SURVIVED the thanos snap.

-they were together when it happened and let me tell you these two boys DID NOT NOTICE FOR A ANTIRE MONTH.

- found out only when jason called the wayne manor for money with no response .. cissie randomly answered with a voicemail saying “hoe the moneys gone. We all poor out in this bitch now” a day later

-but Jason and Roy had already BEEN broke so they took this as a middle ground and went on with they’re merry lives

-Roy and Jason want to the manor because.. they know where home at😖

-5 years later everyone re appears BROS DID NOT NOTICE AGAIN. they were just like “yo”

- Let’s just say the boys weren’t too much help with letting everyone who has vanished in on what tf happened.

BARRY ALLEN

- Barry Allen DID NOT survive the thanos snap

- honestly thank god tho. I don’t think bro could handle another issue.

- bro had to deal with the speed force.Flashpoint,doomsday, and apocalyptic war. Bro took this one off

- when he’s back tho.. awh man. . The boy feels awful

- had to process the fact that he left iris again during that 💀

- besides those factors, he takes the news that he’s been magically gone for five years pretty well, he’s no stranger to time jumps.. just this time it wasn’t on his own accord 

- he sure as hell does everything he can to help anyone and everyone get things where they were before.

-he reunites with the Justice League and force them to help in any way possible

-they agree

-he’s so sweet I love him.

SHAZAM AND JOHN CONSTINTINE

-Billy batson DID NOT survive the thanos snap…

-shazam on the other hand DID!

-Billy was starting to vanish and in a panic yelled “SHAZAM”

-no more vanishing!

-5 YEARS HE WAS STUCK IN THE ADULT BODY…

- boy was terrified to say shazam again..

- to his luck Constantine had survived, and begged him to put a spell on him that made him unable to speak the word shazam so he could never turn back on accident.

-John allowed Billy to come back with him to the house of mystery, after all, Billy was technically a magic user

- the world of magic technically had nothing to do with earth and the snap so Billy came in handy when it came to Constantine’s deals and quarrels with demons.

- Constantine saw the snap as natural selection and was okay with it.

- until he found that zatanna had been on earth and did not survive the snap.

- he drank a lot after that.

- five years later Billy got the spell removed and was able to BE Billy again

- Billy was over joyed at seeing everyone again.

-Constantine was… well ..Constantine.

STATIC SHOCK

-Virgil Hawkins DID SURVIVE the thanos snap!

- Virgil was lucky asf in this case bc the power/electricity was def not 100% working

-Virgil was going around using his energy to provide light to homes, power to hospitals ect,

-believe it or not he chose to stay on his own during the blip.

- he figured it would be better not to get attached when the chabce of survival was now somewhat lower

-didn’t even try to contact anyone

-(boy didn’t wanna face the facts on who he would never see again)

-at year four he kinda gave up and ended up somewhere in bloodhaven.

- a part of him was praying that Barry Allen was alive and would (selfishly) turn back time

- when everyone came back? He was kinda angry?

-he lowk was mad that everyone had to suffer through those 5 years and the blipped ones didn’t.

- he found nightwing (he was blipped aka DID NOT survive the snap) and tried to pick a fight with him for being so joyful during all this (granted he didn’t know-).

- he understood it wasn’t the worlds fault tho and just tired to do his best with helping explain to everyone what had happened.

- (at the end of the day he’s just a teenager )

- he took some time to re adjust to everyone being back. But eventually found peace

SELINA AND DUKE

-selina Kyle and duke thomas DID both survive the thanos snap!!

-they were with eachother on a bat fam mission when all of a sudden *POOF* they were all gone except for duke, Selina, Kate and Damian

-Kate and Damian almost immediately went their separate ways without notice

- Selina didn’t panic, in fact she was pretty calm with all of this

-Thomas on the other hand.. HE WAS A MESS

- full panic mode on his part

- after a little calming down they went to Wayne manor to find nobody they’re either.

- they stuck together travelling to metropolis to once again find nobody except for Lois lane who did survive.

- they all co existed together (lot easier to live there than gotham without the bat so)

- when they came back DUKE WAS SO HAPPY he cried .

-Selina was calm as always as they made their way back to gotham where ALL HELL WAS BREAKING LOOSE ON THE STREETS

- people were so confused

- everyone went back to Wayne manor (dick, Tim, Steph, babs and the rest of the blipped batfam) to find Cissie , Jason, and Roy living there and those three were SHOCKED.

- “awh man now we gotta move out!!”

- big family reunion for the batfam 💗

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not giving someone the wifi password and not telling my parents about it when they asked?

this happened a while ago and ik it sounds trivial but i feel so damn guilty and i just need to know if i did something wrong (fake names used ofc)

so about seven or eight months ago a friend of mine (liz, 16f at the time, now 17) was brought to our house. child protection services had taken her and her two brothers (they're all adopted, but one of the boys is her biological brother, who i'll call james) from their parents because the boys did something to their neighbor's dogs and were found wandering all over town at night. i'm not sure exactly what as i've never been told, but i deeply suspect it was something sexual. i'm not sure. about a week before this, my friend's dogs were brought over here, again because cps wanted them removed.

so my friend is now staying with me (16f) and my twin sister sister (anna). we have a large "closet" that is really more of an attic than anything, so we put liz in there because our house is small and we didn't want her sleeping on the couch.

for about a month, things went pretty well. we had a good time! we hung out a lot, and she told me about some volunteer firefighting she did, and also some farming stuff she did with her adoptive uncle (this is important for later). but she had a secret cellphone (her parents weren't big on cellphones and they were kinda strict) that she used to do social media behind their backs. most importantly, she was talking to an older guy (axel, 28m) via snapchat. anna and i have autism and adhd and are kinda clueless about some things, so we didn't think it was such a big deal at the time. so when she asked for the wifi password, i thought nothing of it. one day when my mom asked if she had a phone, i told her no bc liz asked me not to tell my parents and i thought being loyal to her was the right thing

well, one day, liz found her biological family via facebook and started contacting them

from what little i've heard, liz and james were taken from their bio parents because the mom was an alcoholic and doing drugs, and the dad was abusing them. they never visited the kids once. but now this mom is telling liz that she wants the kids back, and because of this, liz really wanted to go back to her bio family, even though they lived in another state that was pretty far away.

so she goes up to my mom and tries to talk to her about it. also, cps came by again and said liz couldn't sleep in the room she'd been sleeping in anymore because it had no windows and thus no fire escape. and my mom found out about the phone and the older guy she was talking to. things finally got so stressful that my parents had to have liz moved to another home about an hour away

now here's why i think i was the asshole. apparently, liz had been lying to me A LOT. she never actually did the firefighting work (she did some cooking for them. that's it) and when she said she knew how to milk a cow, she actually didn't know how, AND THEN WENT ON TO MILK OUR COW ANYWAY. IN FRONT OF MY DAD. it was insane and it made anna and i freak out because we have a hard time making friends sue to previous bullying issues at a school we'd gone to

later on i overheard my mom telling my dad that she was afraid that the bio parents were trying to groom her or something, and they didn't know i'd heard that. so now i'm afraid that i'm responsible for my friend leaving and all that. also, since she's left, liz has gone on to refuse to go back to her adoptive parents and has basically made their lives hell. and she keeps getting james upset by trying to convince him into thinkking that he should want to go back to the bio parents

so am i the asshole for hiding stuff frmo my parents?

(fyi: they have since known that i gave her the wifi password. they were pissed, but they realized that i didn't know any better and aren't mad at me)

What are these acronyms?

[godneuteredmeforbeingtoopowerful]

CW: discussions of child neglect, food policing, abusing autistic children, fatshaming

I’ve always been confused why I have food insecurity trauma behaviors, but my family has always had the privilege of having enough food and money and whatever else. I was reflecting on this with one of my partners this morning, and realized that my parents had a lot of rules around eating that other people… didn’t? So I wanted to share some of them and… idk. I just don’t want to feel alone. Also, understanding that I am (undiagnosed as a child) autistic with sensory issues that sometimes explode into ARFID, is vital to this conversation and adds a whole other layer. Again, CW ahead.

We always had ingredients, not pre-prepared meals. And you couldn’t eat things bc they were an ingredient

Things like cheese you could snack on but you could only have a little. If you’re hungry, eat a fruit or a vegetable (notoriously some of the worst things for textural sensory issues.)

Pre-packaged snacks have a purpose- if we’re leaving the house, or if you want to take one to school. You may have one snack after school, but there’s a specific amount you’re allowed to have, and it cannot be pre-packaged. I was banned from goldfish for a period of years bc I kept ignoring the rule with it. (I was unwittingly self-medicating for POTS, because it was the saltiest thing I was allowed. The diagnosis came years later.)

Sugar was evil. I could have it several times a week, but only as dessert. I had no say in what dessert was or when. If I asked for it, the answer would automatically be no. Breakfast cereal, one of my only safe foods that I could count on, was not allowed to contain more than 8-9 grams of sugar. That ruled out things like fruity pebbles, my favorite cereal. Occasionally this rule would be broken for things like Golden Grahams, because my dad liked them, but not for anything else unless it was a special occasion.

If you miss your time slot during the day, you just don’t get that thing: i.e. snack time is from 3-4pm. If you don’t eat then, you can’t eat until dinner at 6. No food after dinner. No food between 8am and noon. No food between 1 and 3. This schedule was only allowed to deviate if mom deviated from it.

Also, if you don’t like what’s been prepared for a meal, too bad. Eat it or eat nothing.

In a similar vein, if you don’t eat all of your lunch at school, the leftovers are now your snack after school the next day so mom can watch you eat it. It was supposed to teach me to eat all my food at school. Instead I just learned to throw food away.

Foods other kids got a lot, we didn’t really. They were only for car trips or birthdays, so a few times a year. Things like chips, soda, cracker jacks, etc.

Since safe foods were policed so heavily, I learned to eat a shit ton when I could, so I could make it through potentially not eating anything else substantial until the next day, or even several days. This was usually breakfast cereal, which was guaranteed, and snack time food, which was usually something like popcorn or peanut butter celery (which I did like) or pretzels or yogurt. Hated trail mix and granola bars with a passion. This got me consistently criticized for “eating like a pig” or “wasting food” or “eating up money” when I would have 2 bowls of cereal for breakfast, especially in middle school and high school. But if I wasn’t really eating anything else during the day, and I ran out of energy from those 2 bowls by 10am, what else was I supposed to do but take it?

There was also a lot of competition for getting ahold of my safe foods when they were in the house- because I have 3 siblings. So I grew a habit of stealing and hoarding food in my room- even though that was strictly forbidden. I got busted often, but I was fucked otherwise. Or when we had things like pizza for dinner or other safe foods, I’d have several helpings (consequently getting fatshamed) because I wouldn’t know when I’d have a pleasant sensory experience again, or when I’d get to really eat again.

Also, had to clean my plate whenever I complained about dinner. Think I got bungee corded to the chair once. Had to sit at the dinner table past my bedtime a few times because the lasagna or avocado was too much and I’d puke. And then get verbally abused for it. They stopped that with my siblings. They were allowed to have pb&j after eating 3 bites, but only pb&j. What I would have given for that when I was a kid.

Anyway. Any solidarity is unfortunate but appreciated. A bit sobering now that it’s all listed out like that.

[fentrashcat]

Been a while since I talked about my Tourette's gremlin but some new occurrences! I'm in a waxing period of tics ig bc I've just been GOING with them. Kinda really sucks so trying to look on the bright side and wanted to share some recent occurrences.

1. Mom and I found a new tic loop. (My mom is not diagnosed with any tic disorders but does have verbal tics, usually echolalia or like a call/response thing idk what to call it). I was playing with the puppy and was saying like "did you get got? You got got?" At that same time my mom (who was playing a game) says "Oh, I got mail". IMMEDIATELY Tourette's Gremlin goes "You've got mail" in the old AoL voice. Mom's call/response is set of and she does the little like notification jingle. Jingle set off mine again, which set off hers. We went back and forth for almost 5min before she was able to suppress hers and break the loop. Now though I'm getting the urge to tic "you've got mail" at random.

2. I swear my Tourette's gremlin is actively trolling me. So obviously I refer to him as a separate entity, and I often speak out loud to him (like telling him "we aren't doing that" "don't you fucking dare [throw food]" "are you pleased with yourself now?") The other day I was getting a bout of tongue clicks, which I usually only get 1-3 at a time but this was going on way longer. It wasn't painful or anything, just annoying so I say out loud "is this really necessary?" They stop for about 5 minutes, and then I get one more. This led to me saying "Alright then, sassy" which caused my mom to think I named the gremlin Sassy (we had a dog named Sassy). I told her "nope, its name is just gremlin." And the bout of tics came back... Maybe he does want a name lol.

3. I've talked about my older cat before in a Tourette's post, she's the one that trained herself to help my tic attacks. However my younger cat usually just ignores them. During the incident in 2, I was whistling as well. It's a semi-distinct two-tone whistle, think like the opposite of a wolf whistle (tbh, I think it's from Facebook messenger but I'm not sure). Anyway, I was doing the whistle and my younger cat came up to me, put a paw on my knee, and did a two-tone meow in the same cadence. She's mimicked before, learning how to almost say "hello", "yeah", and "no", but she'd never mimicked a tic before. I was so surprised it actually got them to stop for a bit.

4. We're getting some house repairs done and my grandfather was over talking to my mom. He said something about the ducT work, but my brain heard ducK work, and set off a "duck-duck". It confused him so much he forgot what he was talking about by the time we explained what happened, and he just kind of left. Later I was with my grandparents and my grandma was worried about a decorative duck she has up blowing away. Of course I "duck-duck"ed and grandpa goes "don't you know you're not supposed to say that? It'll trigger her." "Say what? Duck? Why not?" "I was talking about something and she heard that bird's name and set off." "Fine then, can I say water fowl? Make sure the water fowl doesn't blow away!" This is all in good fun of course, they like to tease each other and know I'm alright with my tics being used in it.

5. I think I mentioned before one of my weird triggers is fancy candy apples. Specifically the ones that are like caramel and chocolate with a bunch of toppings to make flavors (like rocky road, cookies and cream, ect). We went to a little craft show type thing and one of the vendors right up front had a big display of them. When this happens we always get me at least one (usually two), but we have to get it at the end or I'll be too excited and be ticcing the whole time. We got two before we left and, as expected, I ticced the whole way home. It was a lot of tongue roll tics (like rolling your Rs, if that makes sense). From my tongue hitting my teeth so much I ended up hurting it a bit and had to wait like 2 days until it was comfortable enough to eat even if I started ticcing again. It had to be kept in an opaque bag in the fridge so I didn't set off everytime I saw it 🤣

6. I'm currently in what I'm calling "jukebox mode" because I cannot keep the songs in my head IN my head. As soon as something reminds me of a song lyric, I HAVE to sing it a little. Some from today were "Oh the lights went out" 🎶when the lights go out in the city🎶, "that was a long fall" 🎶it's a long way down🎶, and "I've got mouths to feed" 🎶I got bills to pay and mouths to feed, ain't nothing in the world for free🎶. Also been singing Skip to my Lou, and I'm blaming airhead commercials.

7. I got reminded of a post I saw here, and almost developed a tic they have without ever meeting them or having heard it. (I don't want to say exactly what it is bc I think they read these and I don't want to accidentally get them started or anything)

8. Was playing Skyrim again, saw a skeleton, and immediately ticced "hello moto!" No idea why. I can usually find SOME connection but not this time. I've gotten that as a tic before but usually due to the commercials.

9. I've started ticcing "duck-duck" at jeeps with anything colorful visible on their dashboard. Who knows if they are actually duck-ducks everytime or what, but the gremlin says they count.

Thank you if you read this far! I can't really tell if these are actually entertaining or if I'm just looking for ANY light spots. It's been a tough few weeks, but fingers crossed it starts to lighten up soon. For anyone curious the songs were "when the lights go out" from Family Crest, "it's a long way down (to the bottom of the sea)" from I think the Longest Johns, and "no rest for the wicked" from Cage the Elephant.

I think the gremlin wants a name now though, so if you have any suggestions let me know lol.

[aleksa-sims]

Simselfstory

The next day D. & I went to my parents to pick up our cat and some of my stuff.  Last night, we talked again. We decided to just stay together for now, to see..... how things will turn out.

There was also something else D. told me. Since he was getting better while he was away, he thought about starting his own business, bcs he quit his job. My Dad offered to help him.

The two had this in mind anyway. They talked about it months ago and now it was time to inplement things. I don’t want to go into too much detail rn. It will explain itself over time.

Mom: You have to take your pills regularly, D. This is important! The same goes for you, A.! The more time passes, the better you’ll be and hopefully..... forget what happend. 😞

Dad (to Daniel): The main thing is that you are safe & fine. Soon we have a lot to do and distraction is always good! But one thing I want to mention again. No matter what probs you two have, even if you relapse, talk to us!! None of us will blame you for asking for help. We want you two to be well, okay?

Daniel: Yea, I got it. 😔

Dad: And what about you A.?

Me: Yea, ok! But I want you to help D. with that job thing.

Dad: Of course I’ll help him. And actually we could start immediately, but if we proceed as planned and discussed, it may be that you and Daniel have to move. 😕

Me: Um... okay. I am prepared to do whatever it takes. 🙂(😟)

Daniel (to me): You...are really ready to move? To.... my house!? 😯

Me: We’ve talked about it before, and..... now that I’m pregnant, why not? You, me and.................. our Baby? 😳

Daniel: I love you, so I’ll love your Baby, too. Our Baby! And well, N.'s Baby. 🤨

Mom: Are you serious about this, D.? Can- and do you even want that?? 😟

Daniel: Yes!

Me: We decided to try and I have to talk to N. about it too.

Dad: However you decide to continue, together or .... separately, I will help Daniel. I’m just clarifying this, so you don’t make your decision dependent on that.

My Dad and Daniel kept talking about their new plans, while my Mom couldn't stop asking me questions.

Mom: You really wanna move? You know what kind of... strange things his mother did there. In that house! 😟

Me: It's a pretty house. I like it there. And she moved out, it's all fine. Besides, I have other worries rn, as you know.

Mom: That’s what I’ve been trying to make clear to you these past few weeks. But well, now you're pregnant. Either you two accept this and move on, or you’re really getting a divorce.

Me: He wants us to stay together. And actually I want the same. I don't wanna lose him.... I’m moving back to our apartment with him for a short while, see if Daniel and I can make it? And, I'm gonna talk to N. I don’t want to disappoint N. or hurt him. I have to come up with something. A soloution! 😟🤯

Mom: In other words, it's either/or? There is no other way out, A.!

Me: Who says that? You?.... I’m gonna do what’s right for me, Daniel and Nico, not for you or anyone else. 😒

Mom: What are you trying to tell me?.... You can’t do the same thing you did back then. This isn't normal!.. And you were unhappy! That’s not what you want! And I’m sure Daniel won’t agree with that. 😦

Me: I'm going to do what I got to do.

Mom: I know you A.! You won’t do anything. You will wait until one of them.......... goes nuts.

Me: I don’t think so. 😒

Just before Daniel and I wanted to leave, Ana also had some questions for me.😩

Me: Everything you are about to say, drop it pls.

Ana: Um.... ok! Have you had makeup sex? Or, no! I’d rather call it... homecoming-sex.🧐 I mean, you didn’t really fight, he just... took off.🤷‍♀️

Me: No, we didn’t!! We talked!

Ana: Then it's obvious! You want N.! With him you couldn’t wait even 24 hours. Plus, he knocked you up. 🤷‍♀️😬

Me: Ah...yup. You know, we'll see S. later. Are you joining us?

Ana: Nah! Sounds like a double date, I really don’t feel like it. I have other plans. And now go and have fun with your..... man. 😏

Me: Who are you having fun with, Ana? 🤨 Dennis?

Ana: Are you jealous of me for Dennis? 😜

Me: Ugh!... NO! 😖

Ana: Don't worry, sis. I’m not dating Dennis, a messed up guy. NO thanks! I have fun...... with myself. 😄

Me: Hmm?... I know you Ana! You have a secret. And you know me, baby sis. I'll uncover it. 😏💁‍♀️

Ana: Weirdo!

Ana really had a secret. At first I thought she was back with Adam or something, but no, it wasn’t Adam. Just that much, I get why she kept it a secret. 🤭

Previous/Next

[candle-lamp]

Rereading SBG and writing what I notice: Episode 21-30:

- Logan tearing up while the phantom grabs Ashlyn

- phantom taking a knee to the face dang

- how heavy are the phantoms bc Aiden was able to fully lift one over himself, either they’re really light or he’s stronger than I thought

- if that phantom had better aim Logan would be very dead

- Tyler checking on Logan

- Ashlyn actually managed to calm Logan down

- Taylor catching Logan before he fell

- Taylor suggesting they experiment with the body

- the phantoms’ bodies being goop raises some interesting questions about what they actually are

- Taylor asking if Logan is okay

- when exposed to light, the phantom gained several eyes that look much more human than their normal ones

- who’s jacket is Logan wearing?

- everyone wanted to go to Savannah and never thought about transportation (average teenager thought process lol)

- Ashlyn is really short compared to the others, which makes sense for dance

- goofy phantom climbing barbed wire

- Taylor telling Ben it was a good idea

- wonder how much Aiden’s allowance is?

- Ashlyn used Aiden’s knife to cut her hair

- Aiden’s parents were gone for months????

- Tyler said he was wondering where Logan was

- Aiden calling Ben “bud”

- Taylor keeping a hand on Logan’s shoulder (she seems to do that a lot when comforting people)

- Tyler calling Aiden “psycho” and Ben “big guy”

- Mr. Thomas noticing Ashlyn’s shadow

- Ashlyn telling Aiden to let go of her hair or she’ll break his arm (I believe her)

- when Aiden tells them not to share Ben’s past, it’s the first time we see him get serious

- we learn the name of the kid who hurt Ben (Shane), I wonder if he’s gonna show up later in the comic?

- I totally forgot Ben’s house got attacked holy crap

- based on h the e timeline Aiden gives I think Ben’s been living with them for 2-3 years? might be wrong

- Aiden calls Ben “bud” again

- Ashlyn completely set aside her food

- Ben blushing when Taylor thanks him

- they live in Alto, Georgia

- those first nights in the shadow dimension must have been terrifying holy crap

- Aiden being so bored by the theories that he slams his head into the table

- Tyler was fully ready to smack him lol

- Aiden was the one to suggest showing Ashlyn's shadow, he was also the one to originally point out the shadow in Logan’s photo

- Logan and his scooter, the twins only have one bike with them, did one walk or did they squeeze on to it?

- Tyler "could you walk any slower?" Aiden "yeah"

- Ashlyn's parents try so hard I love them

- the twins, Logan, and Ben sitting on one couch and Ashlyn and Aiden on the other

- everyone (rightly) disgusted by Aiden’s chewing

- Ashlyn's parents get tense when they say Logan is being bullied, they were also worried that Aiden was bullying Ashlyn, was Ashlyn bullied before or do they just take bullying really seriously?

- Logan got screwed over when they were originally going to the graveyard, at least everyone else was in a group (the twins, and Ashlyn could easily join Aiden and Ben) maybe he lives close to the twins? bro is lucky to be alive

- Logan’s rifle is Ashlyn’s dad's

- most of the gang's weapons make sense but where did the flail come from? hello? screw character backstories I wanna learn about the flail

- first phantom in the human world is freaky as crap

- younger Ashlyn is so real

- Logan’s grandmother being much more suspicious of Ashlyn’s parents, I wonder how his grandparents reacted to learning he was being bullied (assuming they didn't know)

- month time skip for the training arc

- Ashlyn's mom fully bodying Ben is amazing, also Aiden clapping in the background

- Logan is often depicted with tears when panicked or relieved

- Logan silently dying when Ashlyn’s dad chokes him

- Ashlyn hears the dude spying on them

- Aiden buying everyone the matching suits for fun

[m323200]

2x04: One Lovely Night Out

Warnings: SMUT, SEX, I don't know what else.

WARNING

⚠️

WARNING

⚠️ 

WARNING

⚠️ 

WARNING

⚠️ 

⚠️

YOUR ENTERING STORY THAT HAS SMUT! 

⚠️

DONT SAY I DIDNT WARN YOU BC I DID

 |

 |

 |

 |

\/

Two days ago, we were at Mitch and Cam's for dinner and Haley, who was very drunk, told everyone that we had sex at the house. Now Claire and Phil are like helicopter parents who won't leave us alone, like how they did with Haley and Dylan...I guess not Alex because she was smarter than them and she never had many boyfriends. 

[Dunphy House - Morning]

As me and Luke were about to head out, Claire yelled, "Luke, Isabella, can you head in the living room for one second.". Luke was afraid of what she might say, I was nervous if she was going to talk about what happened two days ago.

"Since I know you guys are having sex, I just want to make sure you guys have condoms.", she said and we said yes. "We have like a dozen, we're fine and we'll buy more if we need to." Luke made Claire feel nervous, stressed, and worried, so she left and we left too.

"Why would you say that Luke! You don't need to say "We have like a dozen, we're fine and we'll buy more if we need to".", I yelled at him. "So I should say no? Or we need more?". He also yelled at me. We yelled at each other a lot.

Soon we figured it all out. We decided to say certain things that need to be said. We drove up to IHOP for breakfast. Once we headed in, we got seated and we figured out what to drink. "I'm going to get hot chocolate." I said. He also said he was going to get some too.

The waitress came and ask what we wanted to drink. We both said hot chocolate. 8 minutes later we got it. We were now looking what to eat. "What are you going to get?" he asked. I kept looking at the menu until I found what I wanted, "Cupcake pancakes! You?", he replied, "The New York Cheesecake Pancakes". 4 minutes later, the waitress came up to us and asked what we wanted.

25 minutes later we finished. We payed and we tip them. We were in the car and headed on the road. We were out and not in the house all day. We got some things done like getting Haley's dress, Alex's new microscope, Claire's papers, well I guess we ran errands for everyone.

Luke drove us into a motel for the night because we were 4 hours away from the house and we didn't have enough to make it there. We got the stuff down and headed into the room. 

"They let us get a motel? They didn't even knew we were young." I told him. Luke said that's his friend who is 20, he's smart and said he gave him a credit card that belongs to him and he knows once he uses it, he knows it's him.

Thank god we brought towels, sponges, and soap because we were going to shower, separately, and we didn't want to use the towels here. We got in bed. He was in his boxers and I just borrowed a shirt from Luke's and I was in my underwear.

It was 11:29 pm, Luke asked me something while we were in bed, "Do you wanna do it?". I question him, "What do you mean?". "Sex, no one's here, and we don't need to worry about my mom...", he said. I got nervous because I'm not sure if I wanna have it.

"Maybe tomorrow...and maybe we could do it for few hours..." I said and he smiled. We cuddled close together, I had one my of hand on his abs and the side of my head. I felt comfortable and safe.

The next morning at the motel, it was 2:35 am, I woke Luke up, he asked, "What time is it?", I told him, "2:35, 36 now". He told me, "Why did you wake me up then...". I had my hand went under the covers and touch his dick. 

It was over the boxers but then I eventually touched his dick, but it was underneath the boxers. "That's why..." I explained. He smiled and he had an erection on his dick.

I took off the shirt I had on, and I took off his underwear, and he took off mine. "Condom?" I asked and he had in his hand. He ripped it open and I grabbed it and put it on his dick. Once it was on, we decided to party like it was 1999.

4 hours later we were finished, we checked out and headed back home. Thankfully no one was there at the house this morning. All the cars were gone and no sound was made in the house. Me and Luke were thinking the exact same thing that we should do...sleep!

[fangirlingatstuff]

Ronin and reader headcannons (w/ romance if thats fine I couldnt find ur rules page sorry) , you and MK had shrunk together, so maybe sometime after the movie, Nod and Him become "stomper" size and MK's like: "nah dude you gotta go to Y/n's house" and they go to your large slightly dysfunctional loving family to regroup and stuff. You have become my new favorite account bc i found no one who writes Epic, especially Ronin. <3 You have been followed and will be loved aggressively

Yay! Welcome to the club lol the fandom may be slightly dead but that doesnt keep some of us from making content XD Hope you like this hun! Haven’t written much for Ronin so this is fun!

This is definitely not based off of my family nooo why would you think that??? (Tho I only have one brother lol)

When you had first shrunken down and met Ronin, you hadn't been as trustful as MK was.

Given, you went with MK as emotional support so she had someone to fall back on if things didn't go well with her dad, and after being shrunken while stressing about helping out your friend, you were a lot more on edge than she was.

When Ronin made it his job to escort the both of you to Nim's, you weren't as receptive of the idea as MK was, but hey, MK was kind of in need of a strong figure in her life and you weren't going to argue with that.

Over the period of that day, seeing Ronin, talking to him, noticing his own grief, even though he was pretty attractive and it made your heart skip a beat when he pulled you in by the waist to get you away from MK's crazy pug, you told yourself "we just met” and left it at that.

So imagine your surprise, several months later, when MK shows up with both leafmen while your youngest siblings were causing mayhem in the kitchen, your eldest brother wrestling with your dad over the last couple pizza rolls, and your mom stuck in a standoff with the cat since it kept trying to eat the bills on the counter.

MK explained what happened and why Ronin and Nod were suddenly big now, but you weren't able to say anything before she was like “Ok bye! Take care!” And left them with you

You were SO going to get her back for this

Honestly, you were surprised that your family didn’t mind them showing up, but you also lived in a loft above the garage so that you had some privacy from the rest of your family.

After introducing Nod and Ronin as “some of MK’s friends”, you moved them up to your small “apartment”

Nod was already a hit with your youngest two brothers, showing off his sword skills by slicing fruit in the air as they tossed it at him

Ronin took a while to adjust

But slowly he started to talk to you and you two actually had the longest conversation you’ve ever had between the two of you

Ronin didn’t want to intrude or be a burden, so he picked up doing chores (your chores) around the apartment and house while also getting Nod to do your brothers chores

You told him it wasn’t necessary, they were your chores for a reason, but Ronin argued and said that this was thanks for letting the two of them stay

He’s already a big hit with your mom and dad, but they were at work and didn’t see much of him

You were washing dishes after everyone else left the house, either for school or work, when Ronin came in

He was wearing a white henley shirt with rolled up sleeves, something that SHOULDNT have looked that good on him, and immediately stopped to look at you from across the house

“Nope, uh uh,” he hip checked you out of the way and took the plate you were washing

“Hey!” You said

“Let me wash the dishes,” he didn’t even bother letting you argue, to him it was “his duty” to show appreciation by helping around the house

“Ronin,” you whined while trying to take the rag back from him, “c’mon, it’s literally my one chore.”

“You don’t have to do it, I got it,” he said

You huffed and groaned

“How about you wash them and I’ll dry and put them up?” You offer, hand on your hip

He looked at you and thought for a moment

The two of you worked in sync with each other in the small kitchen, you putting up the dishes as Ronin washed them

Occasionally, his hand would linger for a moment longer than usual while handing you the next dish, or you’d glance over to see him quickly looking away

Even when dressed so casually he looked so in charge and strong, it was so weird

It was weird in general to see him out of his armor but you digress

When the last dish was put up, you stretched and wiped down your slightly wet hands before turning to walk out

“Hey Y/n-“ you turned as Ronin reached out for you but hesitated

“Yeah, Ronin?” You raised a brow

He stopped and drew back his hand, brow furrowed in thought

“…thank you. For letting me and Nod stay here. Your family is…very kind.”

You snorted, “Yeah, well you havent seen ‘em on a bad day.”

Ronin chuckled a little at your joke and it made your cheeks turn pink

“But really,” he said, “I don’t know how else to thank you.”

“You don’t have to-“

“No, I do,” he added as you hopped to sit on the counter behind you. “I…I think we got off on the wrong foot, before.”

You blinked in surprise and looked away with a hint of shame, “Yeah, I—that day was a lot for me.”

He sighed, “It…was a lot for me too.”

You lowered your gaze, thinking about the woman who he had ran to as she died, the late queen, Tara

Ronin shook his head and snapped out of it, “Uh, well I-“ he stammered and rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m happy MK took us here. It’s been…nice, actually getting to know you.”

You told yourself you were imagining the blush on his face

“Really?” You smiled. “It’s been nice getting to know you too.”

Ronin smiled as you hopped down and opened up the fridge, taking out a gallon of iced sweet tea

“Come on!” You chirped as you passed him and grabbed two glasses, “It’s nice out.”

The two of you sat out in the backyard on the porch, chatting and drinking iced tea, laughing at stories, talking about anything and everything, enjoying the nice spring air late into the evening

When Nod eventually came back with MK after a trip around town, they found the two of you passed out on the porch swing, a thin blanket over the both of you

MK laughed but Ronin never looked so peaceful

Okay it took me a while to come up with this and it isnt immediately romantic but now Im like “…oh? Oh, ok, am I invested in this now???”

So if you like it I can DEFINITELY do more, it took everything in me to NOT just write an entire short fic for this one prompt, it ended up being so much cuter than I expected!!!!

Hope you like it! Its awesome having more people interact with the fandom!!

[transboysokka]

Chris Watches My Neighbor Totoro for the First Time

* I think I’ve seen merch of this guy but I know nothing else at all about this movie. Is he really someone’s neighbor?

* Boring beginning credits okay

* Gorgeous scenery right out the gate

* Still can’t get used to the frame rate I’d these movies but I get it

* Do all Studio Ghibli movies start with someone moving to a new house? 2 for 2 so far

* WHY DOES THE GIRL NEED TO HIDE FROM THE POLICE MAN

* I love the scenery in these movies because I know it’s Japan but it looks a lot like Taiwan and it’s just nice to see in like a popular movie?

* Oh, the orange and yellow child is a girl too, okay

* I do really love how these movies like capture the little mundane experiences of childhood

* Lmao the girl is crawling around with her shoes still on, not touching them on the ground and it’s the EXACT way I still love around my house if I’m on the way to work or something and forgot to grab something in the house

* okay so FIRST of all those are the exact same little black things they’re gonna use later in spirited away lol and also did THAT GIRL (mei) JUST STICK HER FINGER IN THE SCARY MONSTER CRACK

* why must the old people look so scary in these movies

* Starting to think this is less of a My Neighbor Totoro and more of a My ROOMMATE Totoro situation

* But where is he

* Little kids taking a bath with their dad, so sweet. I like this dad and he must be protected

* I do like how timeless this movie is. I love when you can’t tell what year it’s supposed to be

* Aww the mom in the hospital this whole family must be protected, the interactions feel so organic and authentic

* Finally some cute little rabbit guys!!

* ok fuck this big thing is so cute

* Is it Totoro???

* Don’t love the noises me makes

* This girl has no self preservation instincts that’s been made clear

* ok so they’re all Totoros and mei is crazy?

* omg totoro just chilling at the bus stop I’ve def seen that before

* But I’m really getting worried about the dad at this point

* CAT BUS WTF SOMEONE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD DRIVES AN EXACT REPLICA OF THIS AND I JUST THOUGH HE WAS A FURRY OH MY GOD

* I want Russian nesting dolls but they’re just totoros

* wow they’re just such fun little guys

* FUCK NOT THE MOM why does this need to get tragic I was having so much fun

* oh phew okay I thought she died

* SATSUKI NO don’t take it out on your sister

* oh my heart, this got so real so fast….

* everyone looking for Mei, don’t me dumb, we know she’s with Big Totoro

* lolol that couple was like “wow you’ve walked so far! well, bye!”

* I relate to Big Totoro bc I also am Fat and Love To Sleep

* never smile again Totoro I’m begging u that was so creepy

* Inside of the cat bus?? Also creepy. Love that the destination can change though

* I would have had nightmares about the cat bus as a kid

* Typical 80s movie Unnecessary Ending Song

Okay yeah that was really cute and wholesome and I actually liked it better than Spirited Away

[alwayzraven]

Kardeşlerim Ep 110

Berk went to see his dad. They went on a walk by the beach. Gokhan asked Berk if he was going to university and Berk said that he was thinking about going to an engineering university. Gokhan got sandwiches for them but then he didn’t have enough money so he told the seller that he will only get one for his son and Berk paid for both of them. Then Berk gave him money. At first, Gokhan told him that he doesn’t need to do that but then Berk gave him the money and told him that he has a job. Gokhan was surprised and asked him why he was working when he was rich and Berk said that he found out about his adoption recently. His dad understood that he got mad at Ayla because of that and that’s why he is not using her money. Later, Gokhan lost the money Berk gave him in a gamble. Turns out his dad is a gambler.

Berk was looking at the watch his dad gave him. Ayla asked him if the watch works and Berk said that it doesn’t but he will repair it. Elif asked Berk about the watch and he told her that their dad gave it to him and it was their grandfather’s watch. Elif told him that if their father had an antique watch, he would’ve sold it a long time ago. Elif told him that he probably bought it and gave it to him to manipulate him. Elif tried to explain to Berk that their father is a selfish liar but Berk got upset by what she said and left the room.

Gokhan called Berk and told him that they should go fishing together. Berk was so happy bc he will get to spend some time with his dad. His dad asked him if went fishing together with Resul but Berk said that they didn’t because Resul was busy working most of the time. Berk invited his dad to dinner at Ayla’s house. 

At school, professor Felis gave the classroom another weird assignment. She talked about how there is research proving that we spend a lot of time on our phones instead of communicating with our friends and family. So she told the students one by one to name some of their classmates' qualities (good and bad). The professor asked Berk to name one bad quality of Aybike and Berk said that his girlfriend is perfect. Aybike insisted so he said that Aybike is a bit arrogant. Aybike didn’t like his response and got pissed. Berk went to see her at the cafeteria after class. Berk told her that he didn’t mean it in a bad way, he just meant that she is smart and knows all of things and that’s why he said. He apologized and told her to name one bad quality of him and she said that he snores. Berk told her that they never slept together so how would she know if he snores or not. She told him he looks like someone who snores. Berk apologized again and Aybike told him that she will think about it.

In the evening, Berk and Ayla made up. He told her that he wants to believe that his mother’s death was an accident, otherwise he will lose his mind thinking about it. Berk told Ayla that he invited Gokhan to dinner. She told him she was fine with him coming to dinner. Gokhan told Berk that he is not leaving Istanbul in the end because his friend who offered him a job at his restaurant will not be able to open his restaurant. Elif laughed when he said that because she knows Gokhan is a liar. Berk told Ayla that maybe they can find him a job at the school. Elif said that Gokhan is a gambler and Gokhan  said that he doesn’t gamble anymore. Elif did not believe him. Gokhan acts like he wants to get to know Berk but Elif is seeing through his BS and knows he is lying. Gokhan needed a place to stay for the night and Berk said that he will reserve a room for him in a hotel. Berk got his cards and car back. Berk took him to the hotel and after Berk left, Gokhan took an alcohol bottle out of the fridge of the room and said that it was okay since “the kid’s mom is rich”. 

There was no teaser released. I am guessing that they don’t know if they are going to air an episode on Saturday or not. Ngl, I don’t like Gokhan at all and I don’t think he can be redeemed. Berk is going to be so disappointed when finds out his father’s true face. Gokhan might find out the truth about his wife’s death and use it to blackmail Ayla.

I was shocked by Fadik’s news about her leaving the show. I thought she was sick or on tour. They didn’t bother to write a proper goodbye scene for her. I don’t know what happened. Orhan keeps on saying that she went to her hometown so is she going to stay there forever? What about umutcan? Concerning Yazgi, like I said her contract with NGM ends in January and as of now there is no news about her renewing her contract so if there are no new developments, she will leave the show at the end of January. I really wanted Asiye to have a happy ending because she deserves it. I wanted her to realize her dream of being a lawyer, to live in a house with her siblings instead of that chicken coop and to have her own family. I don’t know how they will write off her character but they will probably kill her. I am gonna miss her so much.

[traumatizedjaguar]

I lost my virginity to my first... boyfriend.

I was 16 and he was 19 when we started dating in 2008. He'd graduated from our local school and we were in anchorage Alaska. I'd been taken out of school and was working a full time job, doing distance learning, and had like 5mos left till I graduated early when we met, this was not some creepy MAN coming for a high school girl.

But i was blacked out drunk and could therefore not consent the first time we had sex. We had actual consentual sex the next night, and many times after. He was my first lots of things. I got grounded as fuck bc I would sneak out to get wasted and screw him and then go to work in the am like NBD.

I broke up w him after like 9mos of dating bc my parents wanted him to either go to school or join the military (I'm an Air Force Brat) and wouldn't let me see him. I felt like his lack of direction was a sign he didn't care about me. (I was 16.)

(He was 19 Jesus christ)

So I broke up with him....

And then he killed himself.

His 12 yr old brother, (who has the same name as one of my brothers) found him hanging in their garage.

I got a text from his sister, who I'd become bffs with, that said, "my brothers dead".

I hoped it was one of the kids and not him.

I called my mom and she came flying home from volunteer firefighting and drove me to his house where everyone was congregating. (If that sounds weird to you, he was Native, shit works different in that community and also in AK.)

First person I encountered was his sister's bf. I threw myself into his arms and just lost it.

I would later come to fuck him multiple times. While they were still dating. She never found out and there were never feelings, but like what the fuck past me.

AAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL of that is to say.

I was 17 when he died.

I was 25 when I realized that I'd been raped.

My one brother still hates the man's guts bc I was on the phone w him when it clicked and he can't believe someone did that to me.

Me?

I have a tattoo on my leg that says, "I'll Never Replace The Words of your Smile".

It's a mishearing of lyrics from The End of August by 36Crazyfists.

It took me a good long while to come to terms with the fact that that's whatd happened.

Took me even longer to come to terms with the fact that what my then husband was doing to me nightly, (spousal rape) was even worse. But I got there.

It wasn't fun and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but sometimes going through the pain of having reality tossed in your face is the best thing for you.

Sometimes the people you love most are the ones to cut you deepest.

But...

Thankfully there's stitches. We can always help heal each other.

Thanks for being a place for venting. I hope you find your peace.💚

Of course you can vent anytime and are always welcomed on my safe space trauma blog.

I’m very sorry to hear what had happened to you. I’m happy you felt safe to vent here. Sorry for all the trauma you went through it sounds really rough and I hope you’re finding your peace as well.

But we heal together on here and support each other always and I will find my peace too. I’ve been really working on myself at home with self therapy / taking care of myself as we all should many ways besides therapy to heal yourself as I post on my blog… And hope you’re doing well. Peace.

[capriciouscaprine]

good morning! food bloggin tiem!

I've gotten a LOT done on my paper so far so I'm proud of that, but my fear is cutting it all back out again due to length, plus I really need 5-10 more references from 2019 or sooner and so far both papers I've referenced do not fit that

how am I supposed to stay under 45 pages double spaced when I also have to have 25 recent references in my lit review AND have a comprehensive analysis of my intervention and its effects on my students??? (then again, I am the type of person who doesn't understand how people can fit journaling into their morning routines bc I'll fill PAGES once I start writing)

I had my yogurt bowl and coffee for first breakfast (~200) and then homemade waffles from my mom that I had in my freezer for second breakfast ~4 hours later (proud of waiting that long, too!); had a coffee with a single serving of caramel cold cream from a spray bottle on top, and wow is 10 grams of that not a lot; I had to add an extra splash of milk to actually enjoy my coffee after all; waffles (two squares from one of those four square waffle makers, with margarine and sugar free syrup) and coffee all together were ~300, and I ended up not finishing them bc I was full!! (not gonna subtract any tho ;) )

which, while I feel full, it's like my need for taste sensation isn't satisfied yet? I'm going to have water with mio 0 c sweet tea flavoring added, which I've been trying and seems to work well; I guess I'm going to become a flavored water person??

my meal entertainment today has been annika's leaf vlogs, which are the perfect blend of aesthetic and realistic; yes, her breakfast is instagrammable and her gym sets match, but she still has to clean up crumbs and there are random vegetables smashed into the mats she has to avoid?? I mention her here bc I had a mini revelation: she went with a friend and got fancy 'coffee' (barely) drinks and cake from a cute cafe, had SOME of her drink while there, and then TOOK THE CAKE HOME FOR LATER

she didn't even try it at the cafe; she featured it next to her drink at the cafe in the vlog, and that was it! maybe this seems obvious to everyone else, but it never occurred to me that while yes, I can get the fancy cake from the cafe an hour from my house while I'm there with a friend, I don't have to eat it right then and there!!! sometimes I'd get nauseous feeling like I HAD to try and eat what I ordered wherever we were even tho I wasn't really hungry, and I didn't even realize this was an option!!

I feel like this is a holdover from being a kid; you HAD to get whatever it was right then and there with your mom/aunt/whoever bc who knew when you'd get to go back, but then my family at least would judge you for being wasteful if you didn't finish it NOW; I feel like this might be different for someone with a different family or regional culture, but food as a souvenir really was not a thing in my family, and now I'm understanding how that may have impacted my long term relationship with food: order everything you like the taste of NOW, bc you might NEVER get to have it again, and if you don't finish it before you leave that's WASTEFUL (and yes, we were a 'clean plate club' household, how did you guess? lmao)

I don't think I'll be able to address this aspect of my relationship with food until I've sorted out my finances (aka gotten a better paying job) and have more free time to go to these fun food places regularly and prove to myself that yes I can go back whenever I want so there's no need to gorge myself right now immediately

ugh, I wanna finish this paper but I don't want to go back to working on it ;_; ;_; ;_; I guess I could load the dishwasher at least??

[ihatehannibal]

trauma dumping bc I can't afford therapy

thinking about how I didn't even say our dad was abusive to us out loud even once until I was like 21 (or think it, honestly), which was a full 7 years after he was out of our house for good. and when I did finally say it my sister replied with "no, we weren't abused, he had a temper but that isn't abuse" & then I internalized that for a few more years. I still have moments where I doubt my own perception of what happened & need a reality check, to see it all laid out so I can pretend it happened to someone else & be like "yeah okay of course it was abuse". I can't really put this anywhere else but here

I remember at least 2 occasions where my mom definitely thought my dad was going to kill us all. the first one was especially terrifying bc I was younger, he broke down a door (not just broke through thr lock, I mean he kicked the door until it splintered to pieces as if it had exploded) to get to where my mom had us all hidden, locked in her room. & when the banging of him kicking the door started she began frantically apologizing immediately through her tears & I sensed her fear & knew instinctively what she thought was about to happen. I was 10 at that time I think, my siblings were 8 & 6. my memory blacks out at his silhouette appearing in the threshold so I dunno what happened next but later said that he thought that /she/ was killing /us/ and that's why he broke down the door but that is the most ridiculous lie I've ever heard. he knows damn well she would never harm a hair on our heads.

the second occasion my mom thought he was going to kill us was when I was 14 and it was only a year after the family annihilation happened to our friends, which was committed by the father-who my mom & aunts had known since they were teenagers-so it made that seem much more real & plausible to us all. my (9 at the time) brother did something, I don't even remember but it was probably just normal child misbehaving, & it made my dad so mad that he started chasing him around the house screaming that he was going to kill him, my mom yelled for my brother to run as far away as possible so he left the house and ran down the street & my mom and sister were physically holding my dad back so that he couldn't go after him, but he pushed both of them to the ground and got outside. luckily my brother was out of sight by then, hiding in our neighbors bushes. I had called the cops but he was miraculously very calm when they arrived, as usual. after that my mom never let him live with us again & he went off and shacked up with his current wife before the divorce papers were even served. not even gonna get into how fucked up that whole situation was.

those are the big occasions but god there was so much in between. he was really jekyll & hyde, the second he lost his temper he became something very terrifying. he and my mom had screaming matches long into the night very often, usually about stuff he was doing to us (he believed in corporal punishment, not closed fist beatings or anything but spanking and hitting us with spatulas and such, and he was always full of rage when he did it so it hurt a lot & scared us) and she almost never let us be alone with him, another relative would always have to be there supervising.

then of course there was the religious shit, obviously, I've talked about it before. he told me from the time I was 4 or 5 that I shouldn't focus on what I wanted to be when I grow up cuz the world was going to end before I reached adulthood & I had to be a soldier for god in the apocalypse, which could happen at any moment so I had to be prepared. oh and that everyone i loved-my whole family except him-would be dragged to hell to be tortured for eternity, that my dead grandpa who I was very close to was already there for being a catholic rather than a fundie, & that I'd go to hell if I didn't listen to him. he said he was trying to save me. my mom had to find this out from my therapist when I was in first grade & she lost it. she has since told me that she would have left him right then if she didnt have a 3 kids under 7 at the time & no way of supporting us alone. another harmful thing he tried to force on us was of course the belief that gay people are broken & need to be fixed or they'll go to hell. as someone who realized I liked girls as a preteen that obviously was hard to hear. my brother is gay too & I know it's affected him badly.

I was a really troubled child & I guess it makes sense given the horrible anxiety he instilled in me plus I was seeing psychiatrists from as early as 5 for my ocd & depression. I got my autism dx (well, aspergers, since that was still a clinical term back then) around that time too. school was hellish bc people ostracized & mocked me for being a mute & wearing the same clothes every day due to sensory issues. I had no friends at all for a few years. I hit puberty really early & got groped by a few boys so that was just great. I was also the tallest person in my class until 7th grade when the boys started growing which while not traumatic kind of sucked bc I felt like a hulking giant when all I wanted to do was hide. I eventually learned to mask, forced myself to talk more & made friends with other unpopular girls at school. safety in numbers (by high school I stopped giving a shit about what anyone thought so that was good).

I was medicated for the first time at 12 when my intrusive thoughts got worse & I tried to kill myself, from then on they just kept adding more diagnoses and more pills from 12-16ish. bipolar, like my dad & uncle (who has since killed himself). I started using food as a coping mechanism around age 14 & developed various eating disorders that extend to this day, which probably also originated in my fathers fear that we would be fat like everyone on my mom's side & his control over our eating (he wouldn't even let me have cupcakes if someone brought them to school for a bday party, he told my teachers I had allergies that I don't have). I slit up my arms for awhile in my late teens and early 20s as a way to stop panic attacks. I dropped out of college. I became a drug addict. never had sex or a proper long term relationship & probably never will bc I don't like being emotionally or physically vulnerable. I know it has a lot to do with the way I was treated as a kid. I took a test once & it said I have an avoidant attachment style which is very accurate. apparently that happens when a child grows up not feeling safe with one or both parents.

reading this back I still immediately think "well others had it worse so maybe it wasn't REAL abuse. maybe I don't have C-PTSD." like no matter what my brain just won't accept my reality