#we think my cat might be. starting to. uh. die

[frosnpls]

h

[copperbadge]

RE watching thoughts: I’m not 100% sure, but it might be that the whole “I am not my thoughts” is about engaging and identifying with your metacognition MORE than your initial thoughts. Because I get where you’re coming from - what is a consciousness but a collection of thoughts and feelings? But you can also have thoughts about your own thoughts that are more useful for dealing with whatever situation you’re in, I guess. (Random aside - every time I start thinking about thinking about thinking my brain inevitably starts thinking about Tiffany Aching and The Wee Free Men.)

I really should have replied to this ask sooner because it's going to seem like a non-sequitur now (this was sent much earlier in March) but I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I've been chatting with people about this and I think I understand more why there's an emphasis in some therapies on the idea that we are not our thoughts.

(I uh, haven't read the Tiffany books so I'm not much help there.)

I am coming to understand that many, perhaps most, people judge themselves, comprehensively and harshly, based on their thoughts. Perhaps it's just a lot of people who struggle with mental health, but given the commonality of the sentiment I don't know if I'd confine it that tightly; generally it appears that people cannot conceive of themselves as anything other than a binary of good or bad. So many people I've talked to about this portion of DBT, the watching-questioning-identifying thoughts portion, say that it helps to snap them out of a spiral of "I'm a horrible person, I deserve to suffer/die, I can never be redeemed" after they've failed at something, or had a negative thought, or reacted poorly to an unexpected event.

That is not something I've ever experienced. I mean, jokingly maybe, but not in a real, internal sense.

And that's not to brag -- I'm not saying I think I'm a good person, either, because I don't think I'm a good person. I don't conceive of myself in terms of good or bad. I never cuddle my cats and think "I'm such a good cat dad" or forget to feed them and think "I should die now." I have a perpetual morally neutral attitude towards my own existence; my thoughts and actions might trend me one direction or another but I'm aware of the temporary nature of that. If I fuck up I'll worry about who I might have hurt or whether I'll be fired or what's going to happen as a consequence, if I am polite to someone who didn't deserve it I know I was acting kindly in the moment, but I don't make an inherent moral judgement of myself based on that. And it seems like the vast majority of people do. Which you would think would make me feel pretty good about myself, but honestly...I don't know.

A lot of people I know who have ADHD or are Autistic have talked about seeing themselves as other, as alien -- like that one webcomic artist who draws themself with little antennae to indicate they're strange and different. I've always understood why one might do that, but I never felt that way myself, before or after the diagnosis. After all, let's remember, I was The Normal* Child of my siblings, and if I was The Normal One before the diagnosis, why wouldn't I remain Mostly Normal after?

* As ever, I'm using "normal" as a cultural term, to indicate what we think of as mainstream, not because normal is a thing that really exists.

My life has been relatively solitary -- I have friends and family and I love them but I'm rarely part of a large group, I don't spend a lot of time out in public interacting with people, I'm not a big socializer. Before the Adderall, I really couldn't be, I took too much psychic damage from interpersonal interaction, so I chose those very carefully. And now my DBT class has been a rare moment when I'm encountering contradictions to a lot of my assumptions about the way human beings in our society interact, react, and behave. I just...don't fit that mold very well. I think of it as having crossed wiring, not in the sense that I'm faulty but just in the sense that I'm very, very different. Not Normal. It's not exactly a bad feeling but it's certainly not a great one, internalizing the sensation of alienness.

DBT is proving to be a mixed bag but not in the way I or my therapist intended -- it seems to be either things I was already instinctively doing or things that simply do not apply to me. In one way it's disappointing because it means there isn't much help to be had (we're a little over halfway through the course and I keep thinking "Maybe next class will be useful") but on the other hand it's validating that so much of what I came up with myself as unconscious coping mechanisms is literally what I would have been told to do anyway.

Sometimes it's a combination of both, though, which really blows. I guess most people, if they reframe another person's actions, actually find emotional relief in that, and I don't. An example from the class is that if someone is rude to you, you can consider how they might be having a hard day, and be polite in return; that's great, in terms of defusing a situation, and it's something I do a fair amount of. But apparently it's also something that for most people results in feeling less awful about the interaction, and that's not the case for me. Which is why so much of DBT feels to me like lying to oneself. It's not lying for most people.

So, yeah. I'm going to finish out the course and keep trying things with the therapist but I suspect given everything, I might already be at "as good as it gets" in terms of emotional work. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, and there is still the option to try medication that could help, but I think there will come a point where I'm going to have to deal with the fallout of just how different I am, and how that has impacted my life. Might end up a good thing; something I've really been trying to resolve is unhappiness over being unpartnered and highly likely to remain that way, and at least if this provides a better understanding of why, then perhaps I can process that and put it to rest in a way I've been trying to do but not succeeding well at.

So, we'll see. But I find it both fascinating and kind of horrifying how many people can believe they are irredeemably bad, even if the belief is only temporary, simply because they had an uncharitable thought or impulse. It makes me somewhat grateful for the crossed wires, at least.

[sidekick-hero]

(steddie | teen | 2.7k | tags: animal shelter workers Eddie and Chrissy, platonic stobin, background buckingham, Idiots to lovers | @steddielovemonth prompt Love is when you look at his lips for half the conversation because you can’t stop thinking about kissing him by @starryeyedjanai | AO3)

This was all Robin's fault, Steve decided as he sneezed violently, his eyes burning and his throat itching. He was just trying to be a good friend to her, supporting her in whatever crazy ideas she had after her breakup with Vicky. Because that's what friends do, right? Support you in your pain and later help you clean up the inevitable mess when you come to your senses.

So when Robin asked him to drive her to the nearest animal shelter, he didn't hesitate.

Okay, maybe for a minute or so, but he quickly caved when she explained that she was clearly doomed to die alone, so she needed to go all in. Become the crazy lesbian cat lady she was so clearly meant to be.

Hence, the animal shelter to acquire said cat.

Steve expected to drive her there, look at some cats, and drive home because some helpful shelter attendant would explain to Robin that getting a cat was a bigger deal than she thought. He expected Robin to be sad and maudlin for a while, but ultimately glad because Steve loves her, but they both know that not even her potted plants survive more than a month.

What Steve didn't expect was to meet the man of his dreams.

They arrived early in the evening because they both had to work, and the shelter was surprisingly less busy than they had expected for that time of day. The waiting area of the Visitor Center was blissfully empty, which was a relief to Steve, who had been dealing with noisy customers all day and could feel a headache coming on.

Meandering up to the registration desk, they were greeted by a perky and really pretty blonde girl. Her name tag read Chrissy and she greeted them with a dazzling smile that Steve couldn't help but notice was directed more at Robin than at him. Either she immediately recognized which one of them was here to get a new pet, or she was smart enough to notice how amazing Steve's best friend was.

Steve hoped for the latter, which meant that instead of a hairy, clawed monster, Robin might be taking home the number of a pretty girl to help her get over her breakup.

"Hi, my name is Chrissy, how can I help you?" the woman chirped, and Steve had to nudge Robin's shoulder because she kept staring at Chrissy instead of answering.

"Oh, uh, hi. I'm Robin, this is Steve. We were looking for a cat." Then, realizing how that sounded, she hastily backtracked. "Or not we as in together, because we're not. That would be gross, he's like my brother. He's just helping me find a cat because he's my best friend, totally platonic with a capital 'P'."

Wow, Steve thought, he hadn't seen Robin ramble like that since before she started dating Vicky two years ago.

Fortunately, Chrissy seemed to find Robin's rambling endearing rather than off-putting, as her smile only brightened at Robin's explanation.

"Oh, you two are so cute. I totally get it. My best friend also works here and people always think we're a couple. Which we definitely are not." Chrissy told them before picking up the phone from her desk. "Speaking of which, I'm going to call him and tell him we have some potential pet owners who want to take a look at our cats."

She dialed a number from memory and it only rang twice before someone apparently picked up. Chrissy explained the situation and asked if they could take a tour before ending the call.

"Eddie will be with you in a few minutes. One of our dogs has taken a special liking to him and is demanding some extra belly scratches. Eddie won't admit it, but this dog has him wrapped around her paw." She laughs fondly at the thought. "Anyway, you can sit over there while you wait."

As they waited, Steve couldn't help but notice that Robin kept looking over to where Chrissy was typing on her computer. He leaned over to whisper, "Maybe you won't die alone with a bunch of cats after all."

Before Robin could answer, someone cleared their throat next to them, startling them both. They whipped around in unison to find a young man standing in front of them, and Steve could feel himself staring, but was unable to stop.

Because Jesus Christ, right in front of him was the prettiest guy Steve had ever seen.

Eddie, Steve guessed, had dark, unruly curls that he wore in a messy bun at the back of his neck, with strands framing his face. He was tall, at least as tall as Steve, maybe an inch or two taller, but more on the slender side, with legs that went on for miles and a tiny waist that Steve was dying to get his hands on. Big, dark, doe eyes looked at them with a friendly expression, and full lips curled into an inviting smile.

Steve was a goner from the start.

"Hi there, you must be why Chrissy called me here. I'm Eddie, nice to meet you," he greeted them, extending his hand to shake theirs. His hand was warm and Steve could feel the calluses on his ringed fingers. It conjured up images in his mind of those fingers wrapped around things other than his hand, dangerous thoughts.

"Hi," Steve squeaked, immediately wanting to put his hand over his mouth. It seemed that smooth had gone out to buy cigarettes and Steve had a suspicion that it wouldn't be back anytime soon.

When Eddie looked at him expectantly, it took him an embarrassingly long time to realize why.

"I'm, um, I'm Steve, and this is Robin, my friend. Best friend. Platonic friend."

Yes, smooth was gone, and it had taken his dignity with it. Great.

Next to him, he could see Robin suppressing a laugh at his flailing, the traitor. This was what he got for trying to be a good friend: Mockery.

Eddie looked like he was suppressing laughter too, but on him it just looked endearing.

"Okay, Steve, Robin. Follow me, to the kittens!" Like a man leading them to war, he marched off, clearly expecting them to follow. Looking at each other in silent agreement, they did.

They passed a large fenced area, and Steve could make out kennels at the far end of it. Following Steve's gaze, Eddie explained, "This is where our dogs stay. Most of them are allowed out during the day in the fenced area you see there, but at night they sleep in their crates."

Eddie leads them to a large, plain-looking house. "This is the cat house. We keep them behind glass walls because the little minxes would definitely climb through the bars and disappear. Come on in."

Inside, they were greeted with the distinct smell of several animals in a rather small space, but Steve was pleasantly surprised that the smell wasn't that bad or intense. Next to him, Robin immediately started cooing at the cats playing on the other side of the windowed rooms, which caused Steve and Eddie to share an indulgent smile.

Eddie was great, showing them all the cats and telling them stories about where they had come from as far as he knew, what they were like, what they liked and disliked, and was clearly very fond of his charges.

Robin and Steve were both hanging on Eddie's lips, but for very different reasons. For while Robin soaked up every word Eddie said, Steve soaked up every tiny movement of that pretty, pretty mouth, imagining how it would feel pressed against his. He kept nodding along, humming his agreement here and there, sometimes saying "yeah" or "definitely," as if he could hear any of their conversation instead of dreaming of kissing Eddie senseless.

That's the only explanation he has for why, after maybe thirty minutes of looking at cute cats, Steve and Robin both ended up with cats in their arms while Eddie prepared the adoption papers. At some point, Steve must have agreed to adopt a little fur ball, and now Eddie was all excited and happy, bouncing up and down as he explained that they were hoping to find a home for this set of siblings where they could still see each other. Apparently, Steve and Robin had promised to bring them together to play whenever possible.

"You can't believe how cool this is, we had almost given up hope that they would find someone. Chrissy and I had even discussed doing it ourselves, but Cerberus, my dog, doesn't like cats, and Chrissy didn't want to take two cats at once. But she loves Buttercup, so maybe she can visit her sometime? I know she would love that," Eddie adds with a wink in Steve's direction, and Steve begins to feel lightheaded. "And to be honest, I wouldn't mind seeing Buttercup and Tornado again either."

Was Eddie saying what Steve hoped? Robin seemed to think so, because she perked up immediately. "Oh, you two could come over this weekend and see how they are settling in. Since Steve and I are neighbors, it would be easy to visit them both on the same day."

And that's how Steve ended up with a tabby cat in his house and the worst allergic reaction he's had since Joyce brought home a stray cat while Steve was over for dinner and some cat hair got into his food.

When he knocked on Robin's door the next morning, Steve felt terrible, not only because his sinuses were shot to hell and his mucous membranes were rebelling, but because he felt like he was letting Eddie down. He knew he was allergic, but when he realized what he had unwittingly agreed to, he felt so stupid and pathetic that he didn't want to back out and explain why he hadn't said anything before.

"Steve, oh my God, you look awful! What happened?" Robin greeted him as she opened the door with Buttercup curled up in her arms. The cat was purring like crazy and Steve was happy to see that at least one of them was doing well with the whole pet adoption thing.

" I might have forgotten to tell you that I'm allergic to cats?" Steve said in a thick, congested voice. To be fair, he thought it wouldn't be an issue because he was so sure Robin wouldn't go through with adopting a cat. Or that he would.

"You're what? Steve! You just adopted a cat. What did you think was going to happen?"

Fair point. It looked like coming clean was his only real option here. It's not like Robin hadn't done stupid things when she had a crush on a girl, okay?

"I didn't want to adopt a cat! Hell, I never thought you would go through with it either, but I certainly never planned on bringing one home myself. I thought we'd get there, talk to one of the attendants, then go home and sleep on it and you'd realize you didn't really want a cat and we'd never go back."

Robin looked extremely unimpressed with him now, and even Buttercup had stopped purring and was looking at him with one eye half open.

"So what happened to change your mind?"

"Eddie," Steve said in a low voice.

"I beg your pardon?" She had heard him, but she made him say it again.

Steve sighed and repeated in a louder voice, "Eddie happened. I didn't even know what he was talking about because I was distracted by his mouth. I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late and I didn't want to disappoint him."

"You're such a Dingus, Dingus." Robin thankfully didn't sound angry or mocking, just exasperated and fond. "So what do we do now?"

"Keep the cat and hope it doesn't kill me?" Steve tried, already knowing that wasn't the answer she was looking for.

"Steve."

"Robin."

Putting Buttercup down and grabbing her keys from the small table next to her, Robin stepped forward and closed the door behind her. With a reassuring hand on Steve's shoulder, she said firmly, "Listen, we have to get Tornado back. You look like you're going to keel over any minute."

"But Eddie -"

"Wouldn't want you to die either. He looked at your ass way too much to want you dead."

That made Steve perk up. "He did?"

Smiling indulgently at him, Robin nodded. "He did. So let's get you cleaned up and pick up some allergy meds on the way to the shelter."

That's exactly what they did, and by the time they got there, Steve was feeling a little better. Tornado was in his crate in the back seat, strapped down, and when Robin took him out of the car, Steve's heart broke a little at the sight of him. He really wished it wouldn't literally kill him to have Tornado living with him.

Chrissy greeted them as cheerfully as yesterday, if a little more confused.

"Hey Robin. Steve. What brings you back, is everything okay with Buttercup and Tornado?"

Explaining the situation to Chrissy would have been bad enough, but Eddie had to choose this exact moment to walk by and see them. He walked over to them, greeted Steve with a warm and dimpled smile, and Steve had half a mind to just tell Robin 'never mind' and go back home to his slow death by asphyxiation.

He would have done just that if Robin had not known him too well. When Eddie asked the same thing as Chrissy, she walked over to Eddie and gently placed Tornado's box in his hands. "Steve had a bad allergic reaction to him this morning."

It warmed Steve's heart that Eddie's first reaction was genuine concern. He took a step toward Steve before remembering that he was holding the cause of Steve's condition.

Setting the box on the floor, he closed the distance between them and placed a hand on Steve's arm.

"Oh God, are you okay, Steve?"

"Yeah, I'm fine now, we picked up some meds on the way and they've already kicked in."

Eddie's thumb traced his shoulder under his shirt and he wasn't sure if the lightheaded feeling was a lingering effect of his allergic reaction or just the way he was reacting to Eddie.

"So you didn't know you were allergic?" Eddie asked and Robin snorted beside them.

"Oh, he did," she muttered, and Steve wanted to kill her. The impulse intensified when Eddie raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Um, well, yeah. I kind of knew?" It sounded like a question, and Eddie's eyebrows had completely disappeared beneath his bangs. "I just didn't say anything," Steve added, aware that he was digging a deep, deep grave for his dignity if it ever came back from getting cigarettes with his smoothness.

"But why?" Eddie sounded genuinely confused, and Steve couldn't blame him. Saying it like that made him sound a little crazy.

"I was... distracted and only realized what I had agreed to when it was too late. You were so excited and happy that I couldn't bring myself to tell you that it was all just a small misunderstanding."

Even now Steve couldn't help but stare at Eddie's pretty and very kissable lips as he said this. Maybe he should see a doctor about this.

Or maybe not, because it almost seemed like Eddie was looking right back at Steve's now. "Distracted by what?" he asked, suddenly even closer than before, his eyes still on Steve's mouth. When did this happen?

Licking his lips impulsively, Steve felt a thrill run through his body at the way Eddie's eyes darkened as they followed the movement of his tongue.

"By...you," he admitted softly. "Your lips. They are very distracting."

A dimple winked at him as Eddie smiled at his words. "Are they?"

"Yeah.'"

They were so close now, breathing the same air as they talked, and Steve could feel Eddie's words as much as he heard them.

"Yours too, you know?" Eddie replied and why were they still talking?

Without thinking, Steve closed the last few inches between them and kissed the lips that had gotten him into this mess in the first place. He was willing to forgive Eddie, though, because by God the man could kiss, his lips as soft and supple as they looked, and his tongue warm and wet as it skillfully licked into his mouth.

They only broke apart at the sound of two people clearing their throats in unison.

Maybe Steve wouldn't take a cat home after all, but something told him he'd get something better to keep.

[phoenix--flying]

things my friendgroup has said while playing roblox games but its just titan army characters (canon +my hcs and a couple aus)

Chris: Not pump up the music box. What is is? Luke: Wind up??

Ellis: It's 5:07, we might not even need to wind up the music box. Cecil: Did you just say its almost seven???

Chris: Watch them all come into the room at 5:50. bonnie appearing at the end of the hall Al: CHRIS. CHRIS! Chris: OH GOD BONNIE-

Drew: Ethan is just SO homophobic he'd rather die then deal with lesbians. Ethan: Uh...yeah true

Luke: What if we did a reverse Five Nights at Freddys where the animatronics had to spend five nights at our house and then we literally like smash them in with a baseball bat.

Lee: Yall I have no idea what I'm doing. Silena: You can do it Lee! Lee: dies

Lou: I think that was Foxy leaving his home. Cecil: uh..nuh uh.

Lou: Oh. I don't like that sound. Ellis: No neither do I.. Cecil: Run.

Lee: Ventilation sys-... *phantom puppet standing directly behind him doing nothing* HI?? CAN I HELP YOU??

Silena: I've never seen him on the first night. Luke: I have. Lee: ....I feel like Lee is about to tell us me a horror story.

Ethan: Hes alive. Al: *walks into the room and stares at him.* Oh shit.

Silena: He's still in here? Don't tell me to come closer bitch.

Al: Please distract him. *jumpscare noise* ...by distract him I didn't mean throw yourself into his arms.

Chris: Luke your head just flew off of your head for a second."

Luke: I'm dead by the way so I am...no longer living. Lee: wow i wonder...

Silena: He's by Lees corpse 🤗 Lee: Thanks Leens😒

spooky noise Cecil: What was that?? *runs off*

Lee: If you do die I will to. I'll die with you.

Chris, Al and Ethan: *incoherent yelling and screaming about balloon boy* Luke: .....what??

Nyssa: Yea Foxys like eating your ass right now.

Luke: I hate Balloon Boy, I hate his stupid round eyes and his frickin balloon sign. Get outta here. Silena: His like free balloons take one I love you sign? Luke: Yea. Chris: Like I don't care. Go burn. Lee: How about we just burn the whole place to the ground.

Al: If I don't see him, he doesn't see me....he might see me. He might see me. Ethan: He sees you.

Cecil: What if it's really fun. Like what if we go to fun land after this. twenty minutes later Cecil: NO WE HAVE TO SLIDE INTO FUN??? Lou: NO KING WHY DID YOU SAY WE WERE GONNA GO TO FUNLAND??

Lee: Wait thats a seven? Silena: Its a two for me! Luke: ITS DIFFERENT NUMBERS!?

Ethan: Is this Sirenhead?? Chris: Do not even start. DON'T even tell me that.

Lee: So just hang left? Silena: Yup. Luke: Just always go left. Chris: Hehe. That's what I thought too. Silena: Oh..

Al: Chris I can't believe your profile picture isn't a cat. Chris: Al I can't believe you're GAY.

Mitchell: Why is your face purple?? Ethan: You're purple too?? Drew: WELL. YOU'RE FACE IS PURPLE TOO.

Chris: But I can see really well, I don't know what's wrong with you. Ethan: Cause you...cause you died. Al: Cause you fucking walked into Bonnie??

Chris: Oh my god I did it guys! All me. Silena: YOU DIDN'T!? You died like immediately. Luke: You died before the animatronics even started moving.

Cecil: Why would you say that? Chris: You trusted the person who walked into Bonnie on the first night? Cecil: I don't trust you, Luke: And he wasn't even off the stage yet. Cecil: I'm just gullible.

Lou: Oh my god this is so much better I can actually see them....actually nevermind it's not better. It's not better. I see too much.

Lee: Do you wanna play FNaF 4 :D Luke: NO??? (they played fnaf 4)

Drew: Oh come on lets get out! Car! OH IS THAT A KIA SOUL!? EUAGHGHHH

Cecil: I kinda wanna go down there. I really wanna go down there. I'm going. Ellis: Don't die. You're probably gonna die what am I saying?

Chris: Oh Foxy's in the garage?? Foxy's about to drive that car bro

Drew: Is Freddy in this game?? Yeah he is. Silena: Yeah Freddy's in the room. He's under the bed. Drew: Oh! He's under the bed! That makes me feel really safe! That's really- I don't like that. I wish you didn't tell me that.

Lee: I feel like I'm being chased in a horror movie or something. Silena: Me too. Lee: Except I'm surrounded by JOSH HUTCHERSON and I can't be serious about that.

Luke: I'm heading there. OH nevermind I just got hit by a military tank.

Al: Why am I coughing so much?? Chris: Because you're gay. Al: Yeah its a sickness.

[bonefall]

If I might ask, how does honor-damming work between clans? For a sire I imagine it’s pretty simple, but if a Tom wanted kits how would he go about getting them from the mother? For example you say you like the idea of Brightheart surrogating for friends from different clans, how does she give them those kits? I imagine people would notice she suddenly has less kits than she birthed, how is their disappearance explained?

I'm actually a firm truther that Mistyfoot, Stonefur, and Brokentail's parentage were all open secrets that several cats figured out. You don't pry when the cats have families and no one is making halfclan claims to them... even when you could connect the dots and say,

"Hey wow uh RiverClan seems to have blue cats the exact same age as Bluefur's lost litter."

or "Brokentail sure does coincidentally have Yellowfang's unique face, the cat that his father Raggedpelt was mates with."

Whitewater was an example of a post-Lake cat who (ironically, considering her role in the WindClan civil war) gives her kittens to someone in another Clan! Torear, the brother of Mudclaw, sire of Whitewater's litter.

And the answer is simple... kittens die all the time. It is not surprising to have an entire litter lost to just not being born right. The number isn't announced right away. Brightheart starts with 4, and 3 vanish. How tragic. How expected. (Truth is that only 1 died, she keeps Dewkit, and the other 2 are now in Shadow and River, with a loving parent who couldn't give birth on their own.)

With Brightheart in particular, I think Cloudtail's definitely in on it too. The first time Brightheart was asked to honor dam, the first thing she probably did was talk to him about it,

"Do you remember Robinflight? From WindClan?"

"Of cOURSE I remember Robinflight, she fills my tunnelbuns with kibble the way i like them. How could I forget her?"

"...Did you know she's barren?"

"What? Really? Jeez..."

"She asked me to stay later at the last gathering, and um... she asked me if I could honor-dam for her. I want to do it, Cloudy, but..."

"...but what? I mean... are you afraid I'll be mad?"

She buries her face into his cloudy chest. That means yes, and also 'I love you.' He kneads his paws on the ground, and thinks deeply for a moment.

"...well... my mom gave me to Firestar, I guess, and, me and him haven't always gotten along... but that's all parents, y'know? What I mean is that it's your choice," he clears his throat and adds, "But we can still have our own kittens right? I want to be a dad. With you. Of our kits." He sniffs, "You get what I mean."

Simply because of the logistics, honor-damming is rarer than honor-siring. But it's important, as the only way that cats who can't give birth can get kittens of their own.

It's also a lot more likely to happen within a clan. Brightheart is a special example.

[pandapillow]

Prompt: "You got me flowers?"

“You got me flowers?”

He takes the flowers, closely examining them.

After what felt like hours, he looks at you and says…

“The stems are five centimeters past the appropriate gifting length, you’re supposed to give yellow flowers on Thursdays during sunsets, and you didn’t use a bow to hold them together.”

He smiles softly

“But I don’t think you’re well versed in the art of flower gifting, so I’ll let it pass for now.”

He then walks away

His lil heels going Click Click Clack Click  

He turns the flowers to pressed flower bookmarks once they start to wilt

“You got me flowers?

MUNCH

CRUNCH CRUNCH

CHOMP CHOMP

He eats them

He turns to you and looks like you just offended his entire bloodline

“They don’t taste that good-”

Then it hits him

YOU TRICKED HIM

THESE FLOWERS ARE REAL AND NOT MEAT ELEGANTLY ARRANGED TO LOOK LIKE FLOWERS

YOU MONSTER

He gets up and stomps away like a lil toddler not getting their sugary abominations 

“You got me flowers?”

His eyes sparkle

For a moment you think you can see pure joy on his face, but if you look closer…

His eyes suddenly turned into the money symbol

“OF COURSE! EDIBLE FLOWERS WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT!”

He takes your hands in his

“I thank you for your contribution to the Monstro Lounge.”

He then happily walks away, giggling to himself as he eats the flowers like they’re chips

“You got me flowers?”

JUMPS for joy

“THANK YOU SO MUCH!”

He takes the flowers and keeps jumping around, somehow going higher and higher with each bounce

“THEY’RE SO PRETTY AND SMELL SO NICE OH I HAVE A GREAT IDEA! I’M GONNA GET YOU FLOWERS TOO YEAH THAT’S A GREAT IDEA WOW I’M SO EXCITED-”

Congratulations

Kalim has gone and become the sun we all know he is

Jumped so high he broke through all 7 atmospheres 

Queen of Heartsphere, King of Beastsphere, Sea Witchere, Sorcerer of the Sandsphere, Fairest Queenere, King of Deadere, and Noble Fairyre obviously

Hope y’all remember learning that in school /j

Anyways better go run and hide cause Jamil is not happy

“You got me flowers?”

He recognized the flowers you got him immediately 

“These are the Fairest Queen’s favorite flowers…”

His fingers gracefully trace the petals of the flowers

Holding them closer he smiles at you

“It seems like you’ve been paying attention in History Class.”

“Not only did she grow them in her garden, but they’re also poisonous when mixed with apple juice.”

“Since you so kindly gave me these, I will personally gift you some Snow White flowers.”

“They pair well with the flowers you got me, and of course, we will have a photoshoot afterwards.”

“You got me flowers?”

He stares at them

And stares

And stares

And stares

Then finally looks up and says

“They will die.”

And no he’s not threatening you

“Please take them back. There is no sun in my room, the only “water” I have is soda, and I heard that plants have feelings so I don’t think it will appreciate my trash talking.” 

“Instant K.O bro.”

I- I don’t know how he talks or, uh, gamer lingo pon

You turn the flowers slightly to the left and he lights up immediately

“IT LOOKS LIKE A CAT!”

You receive many texts for the next 2 weeks and pictures of the flowers, which he happily named Flowey, and often ask him how Flowey is doing

And oh dear, now you’re attending a funeral

Poor Flowey didn’t last long huh

Pat Idia on the back for me 

“You got me flowers?”

“Child of Man.”

Awee Malleus looks so happy~

Isn’t he precious?~

He cradles the flowers too

Definitely walking- teleporting??? Away with a big ol’ smile on his face

He ends up asking Lilia what flowers he should give you and Lilia JOKINGLY suggests gifting you some FIRE FLOWERS??

EXCUSE ME?

WHY DO THOSE EXIST?

FIRE AND PLANTS DON’T WORK WELL TOGETHER???

AHEM- Anyways, the flowers are pretty cool

Sure you had to get a fire resistant vase, remove all flammable objects near it, and make sure it gets its daily dose of peas weird I know

But they were a gift so you might as well treasure them till they day it dies OH SHIIIII- THE TABLE IS ON FIRE NOOOOOOOOOO

[bwobgames]

Previous First

"Uh, you mean let it be destroyed with the fire? Um, sure, but I'd rather be completely certain that it gets torned down, you know?"

"....No, that's not what I mean"

"Um, okay...? Is there something you are not okay with?"

"Why are we destroying it?"

"To end the loop, Ángel"

"But why? Coli is already dead. He won't come back regardless"

"What... What are you implying"

"I said this before Ángel, this place is dangerous. Look what Coli has done"

"Yeah, but look what the doctor did! He cured all of his patients and lived on to have a long life!"

"I, I just"

"I dont think this house is all that bad!"

"It was made with love! With the want to protect!"

"Yes, but it can be taken advantage of by bad people, like Coli"

"But we are not bad people!"

"Ángel. What are you...?"

"Just think about it! If it wasn't for this house, you wouldn't be standing!"

"If it wasn't for this house, I wouldn't have died 3 times"

"But you got better! What if you had a random accident one day? There would be nothing to worry about in this house!"

"Wouldn't you like that? Knowing for certain that everything will be okay?"

"Wh- What is this for? Do you want to turn this place into a hospital, too?"

"No! That's not...!"

"Then what?! Why are you suddenly acting like you want to be inmortal too!?"

"It's just...!"

"Oliver, I..."

"I don't want to see you die again"

He's crying

"Oh"

"...what can I say against that?"

"We might be fine now, but what if you get into an accident in the way back? Or in a few years? Or in a few decades?"

"I, I want you to be safe, I want us both to be safe"

"And this place can do that! We can age as much as we want! We'll never have to worry about whether we live or die another day!"

"Everything would be okay"

"Ángel, I...

I'm sorry

I just. I dont want to live in a house where I got killed"

"But you lived! You are not dead! Isn't that better?"

"I, I guess? Ángel we don't know what this house can do, it's dangerous, it's eating us"

"It wants to help! It will give us one more chance if we need one!"

"Ángel so many people have died here, I don't like these big houses. You know this"

"I'll make sure you are okay!"

"No, Ángel..."

"We, we are supposed to go see the chickens, right? I'm gonna show you around town, and you'll get me to Argentina

I, I've never crossed the Andes you know

I'd really like to see it with you"

"... we could, maybe"

"Yeah! And, dont you want to see my apartment? My cat?"

"We could bring the cat here"

"You are not getting it..."

"Ángel, this place is horrible. Even with all the good intentions it was built in, terrible things happened. And I'll always have that inside me"

"You don't have to"

"How?"

"We loop one more time"

"...What?"

"Coli is dead. All we do is have a nice night. I invite you to the bar, and we start again, without all this pain in your memories"

"What about you...? You are going to remember. And I'll forget you again."

"I know.

But you won't have to live with everything that happened here.

No more scars, no more painful memories

We can start again, like nothing bad ever happened"

"Like nothing ever happened? And you'd be okay with that?"

"... Not really

But I'd do it for you"

"You are being unfair, with yourself"

"I don't want us to die, Oliver. I don't want anyone to die anymore

They've died enough

I'm scared

I don't know what the future holds for us, and I'm scared

I dont want us to end again

Please"

"...I promised to save Ángel from this place.

Was I too late?"

[forgwater]

This is the Rook crackfic where we're keeping up with tradition and making the title way too long for no reason whatsoever. In this Rook crackfic I will...

part 5 part 4 part 3 part 2 part 1 Valentine's Day (but it's August)

gender neutral reader

warnings: this is not that serious, crack

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

romantic

"Rook, must you really go...?" you ask your boyfriend. You have spent together a very enjoyable afternoon at Ramshackle. Now, however, with the fall of the night sky and rising of the moon; your lover needs to depart... unfortunately.

"Je suis desole mon amour, but I have to go." he places a hand dramatically over his chest "But fear not, for tomorrow we shall meet again." and with a smile and a wink the hunter bows to place a delicate kiss upon your hand.

When he resumes his upright posture you share an embrace. And then it's time to leave.

You sigh as you see him depart from the warmth of the, now, less dilapidated building you call home and you wave him a last goodbye for tonight. You might call him later.

"...Y/N..." Grim joins you in the doorway "Do I really have to take the medicine...?" he asks, giving you his best, uh, puppy? eyes, but no! You are steadfast in your decisions!

"It's the fastest way to get rid of your stomach pains." you reason.

"But I don't wanna!" what a stubborn cat monster your adopted son is!

"You will take that syrup if it's the last thing you do!" you warn and Grim yelps as he makes a run for it.

Oh, well... you'll just have to catch him. It's not that hard considering you've learned a thing or two from your amazing boyfriend.

And as you go up the stairs you can't help but let you mind wander... 'When will my hunter return from tonight's adventure? I hope he has fun playing with Yuu..."

platonic (Is Yuu the hunter or the hunted?)

This is it. This is the end.

The final confrontation is upon Yuu. The prefect might need to fight the "beast" in his own territory. And even if they fail... at least they will be forever immortalized by the video camera in Ace's hands...

That is if the video doesn't become some sort of lost media... maybe that'll start a conspiracy theory. Yuu wouldn't be opposed to it.

The prefect looks at their two companions and solemnly speaks:

"If I die, Deuce, I leave all my mortal possessions to you... aside from my throwing knives, bury me with those." Yuu says, before correcting themselves. "Wait! No, burn my corpse on a pyre! That's a cooler way to go!" they give a nod and a smile to their bewildered friends.

"Umm, Yuu... I don't think the Headmage would approve of that..." Deuce says uncertainly.

"What I wanna know," the redhead of the group interrupts "Is why I'm not getting anything?!" he asks in indignation. "I'm the one filming you anyway!" Ace complains again.

"What do you mean you're not getting anything?!" Yuu snaps at the redhead "You're get the money from the video!" they say in exasperation.

"Oh..." is the only thing the two companions can say as they look at one another.

"Wai-" Ace begins again only to be shushed by the prefect.

They gesture wildly, bringing a finger to their lips and crouching slightly.

Silence

Rustling leaves.

A crow croaks in the distance.

Yuu could swear it sounded a lot like Crowley... maybe he found the copies...?

Anyway! There's no time to be distracted! The prefect has a hunter to hunt!

SWOOSH

An arrow barely misses Yuu. They look in the direction of their assailant.

Swoosh! and another arrow goes between Ace and Deuce, embedding itself in a tree trunk. The duo lets out a scream. Damn it he's come for you!

"Take cover!" the prefect barks at their companions "I'm not having you on my conscience!"

"What the hell, Yuu!" Ace starts again "You didn't say he'll shoot at us too!"

"Prefect, on this one I'll have to agree with Ace." Deuce joins in.

"I never said you'll see the morning unscathed!" Yuu retorts "Now run!" and the three make a break for the forest.

.....

"How long do you think it will take him to find us here?" The blue-haired boy asks.

"Not much." is the prefects answers. "I need to get his hat to win this..." they mutter.

"Why are you so obsessed with getting his hat?!" Ace almost screams.

"Because I can't behead him and display his head on a spike, so I'll settle for the hat."

Blanc stares.

"All right. I'm out!" the redhead declares.

"I'll go too... sorry, Yuu." Deuce adds.

'Cowards' the prefect thinks, but they don't stop the two. At least they have one of those cameras you can strap to your forehead. It'll do for a nice first person pov.

Swo-

Yuu catches the arrow before it can pass them.

"Oho!" comes a surprised chuckle from the foliage. "I didn't know you could do that! Beauté!" the hunter shows himself.

He gives a small round of applause, but to Yuu it sounds mocking.

"Are you approaching me?!" the prefect straightens their posture and slightly parts their arms in a "welcoming" motion. "Then I shall make it a worthy challenge!" and with that they produce a few throwing knives from their jacket, readying them at the blond.

"Marvelous!" His voice is as gleeful as ever. "Then I shan't disappoint either!" and he narrows his eyes.

And they lounge at one another! What a spectacle to be witness to! Arrows and knives keep flying, both skillful evaders of danger. Neither seems to gain the upper hand...

Until!

ending

An axe separates the two. It embeds in the grassy field where the battle has been happening for the past few minutes.

"Rook!" Y/N shouts, jogging lightly towards their boyfriend. "And Yuu!" they shoot a glare at the prefect once they reach the two. "I don't feel like patching up either one of you, so your little play date will have to stop for now."

"Ah... very well, mon ange." the hunter gives.

"But!" the prefect tries to argue.

"No buts! Do you want me to hunt you down like I've had to do with Grim?" Y/N scolds.

"...no..." Yuu answers dejectedly.

"Then, it's time to go." they give a push towards Ramshackle to the prefect. "And I'll see you tomorrow for out date, Rook!" they give a wink in the direction of the hunter who just as happily returns the gesture by blowing a kiss. The prefect makes a gagging sound only to be met with Y/Ns cold stare and they gulp.

......

As the two reach Ramshackle, Y/N speaks again:

"You know... if you just wanted a hat we could've just bought you one." they lightly tease and Yuu tenses up, cheeks growing warm.

"I don't-" they try to protest only to be cut off.

"Sure you don't!" Y/N teases again, entering the building with a light chuckle, followed only by a grumbling prefect.

.....

The next day, after Rook and Y/N leave for their date, the prefect finds a present with a new hat inside and a small note from a certain hunter.

Yuu supposes that weird stalker isn't that bad after all.

....Most of the student body begs to differ.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

an: Thank you everyone for sticking around to see this story finished! I hope you all enjoyed it and had fun!

Masterlist

if you want to be tagged, you need only ask, also please specify what characters you are interested in reading about or if you want to be tagged in all works

taglist: @sras-is-doing-something @daydreamingtv @tendous-socks @pleasantthingsheep @bucketofforks @cherry-popsicle

@oreochococheesecake @lycorizzz

[cleverthylacine]

Voice of Stanix Incorrect Quotes

The Tumblr RPers were playing with a new incorrect quotes generator. I tossed the names of some of the characters in my own TF fics to see what would happen.  (Some of these might also work for canon in one or more continuities.)

These were the best ones.

Ravage: Before I was- Jazz: What? Ravage: Before I was inter- Jazz: Before you were interrupted? Ravage: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll- Jazz: What? Ravage: *makes frustrated sound* Soundwave: Stop that before she bites you.

Jazz: Did Ravage just tell me she loved me for the first time? Soundwave: Yes, she did. Jazz: And did I just do finger guns back? Soundwave: Yes, you did. Jazz: God, I love Ravage. Soundwave: You fucking better.

Howlback: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you. Grimlock: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Howlback: Absolutely not.

Howlback: I have a problem. Grimlock: Kill it. Howlback: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

Drift: What are you eating? Ratchet: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty. Drift: I like you, don't I?

Ratchet: What’s your body count? Drift: Do you mean sex or murder?

Ratchet: Are you mad? Drift: No. Ratchet: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

Drift: When's the last time you slept? Ratchet: Uh... a few days ago, I think. Drift: A few- how many?! Ratchet: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers... Drift: What you need is sleep!

Starscream: Optimus... you've been cuddling with me for over an hour now. Optimus: *muffled* mm hmmm :) Starscream: Fuck. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

Starscream: Something’s off. Optimus: Maybe you’ve finally developed normal emotions and feel bad for hurting people. Starscream: No, but that’s funny.

Optimus: Do you have a self-care routine? Starscream: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

Optimus: Starscream, you need to react when people cry! Starscream: I did. I rolled my eyes.

Optimus: What’s up? I’m back. Starscream: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Optimus: Death is a social construct.

Optimus, at Starscream's funeral: I need a moment with him. Everyone: Of course. *They leave* Optimus, leaning over Starscream′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead. Starscream: Yeah, no shit.

Rumble: How the hell are you still alive? Miko: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

Miko: The joy of hanging out with Rumble. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and they bite the tip of a marker off.

Rumble: We have to plan, we have to figure something out. Miko: Rumble, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.

Miko: I feel like doing something stupid. Rumble: I’m stupid, do me.

Cosmos: What's worse than a heartbreak? Glit: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

Cosmos, to Raf: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice. Raf: Lo siento. Estoy embarazada. Glit: You just told him you're pregnant! Cosmos: Congratulations Raf, you're glowing!

Glit: You can track Cosmos? Raf: Of course I can. If the NSA can do it, so can I.

[moonshine999]

The Crows as Taylor Swift albums (pt.2)

because I’m awake, slowly losing sanity, and have nothing better to do <3

Nina Zenik : Lover

💋 “I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh // I know I never think before I jump” - ME! 

💋 “I'm so sick of running as fast as I can // Wondering if I'd get there quicker // If I was a man” - The Man 

💋”Hey, it's all me, in my head // I'm the one who burned us down // But it's not what I meant // I'm sorry that I hurt you” - Afterglow

💋 “Tell me that you're still mine // Tell me that we'll be just fine //Even when I lose my mind” - Afterglow 

💋 “Killing me slow, out the window // I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below // Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes // What doesn't kill me makes me want you more” - Cruel Summer

💋”And I screamed for whatever it's worth // “I love you" ain't that the worst thing you ever heard” - Cruel Summer 

💋”But we might just get away with it // Religion's in your lips // Even if it's a false god // We'd still worship // We might just get away with it // The altar is my hips // Even if it's a false god // We'd still worship this love” - False God 

💋”They say home is where the heart is // But that's not where mine lives” - London Boy 

💋”Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh // We can follow the sparks, I'Il drive” - I Think He Knows 

💋 “My team is losing, battered and bruising // I see the high fives between the bad guys // Leave with my head hung, you are the only one // Who seems to care” - Ms. Americana and the Heartbreak Prince 

💋”Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down // Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town” - Daylight 

💋”But if the story's over // Why am I still writing pages?” - Death By A Thousand Cuts

💋 “Our country, guess it was a lawless land // Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand // Paper cut stings from our paper thin plans”- Death By A Thousand Cuts 

💋 “All the king's horses, all the king's men // Couldn't put me together again // Cause all of my enemies started out friends // Help me hold onto you” - The Archer 

💋”Cat and mouse for a month or two or three // Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe” - Paper Rings 

Matthias Helvar : Folklore

🪞 “You're not my homeland anymore // So what am I defending now? // You were my town // Now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before” - exile 

🪞 “ And they said // "There goes the last great American dynasty" //“Who knows if she never showed up, what could've been" “ - the last great American dynasty

🪞 “‘Cause you weren't mine to lose // You weren't mine to lose, no”- august

🪞 “With you, serve // With you, I fall down, down // Watch you breathe in // Watch you breathing out, out” - epiphany

🪞 “Only 20 minutes to Sleep // But you dream of some epiphany // Just one single glimpse of relief // To make some sense of what you've seen” - epiphany 

🪞 “Keep your helmet, keep your life, son // Just a flesh wound, // here's your rifle “ - epiphany

🪞 “You drew stars around my scars // But now I'm bleedin'” - cardigan 

🪞 “But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss // I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs // The smell of smoke would hang around this long // ‘Cause I knew everything when I was young // I knew I'd curse you for the longest time” - cardigan

🪞 “Time, curious time // Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs // Were there clues I didn't see? // And isn't it just so pretty to think // All along there was some // Invisible string // Tying you to me?” - invisible string 

🪞 “And that's the thing about illicit affairs // And clandestine meetings and longing stares // It's born from just one single glance // But it dies, and it dies, and it dies // A million little times “ - illicit affairs 

🪞”Look at this idiotic fool that you made me // You taught me a secret language // I can't speak with anyone else” - illicit affairs 

🪞 “All these people think love's for show // But I would die for you in secret // The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me // Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?” - peace

🪞” I didn't have it in myself to go with grace //And you're the hero flying around, saving face //And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? // Cursing my name, wishing I stayed //  Look at how my tears ricochet “ - my tears ricochet 

🪞”And I can go anywhere I want // Anywhere I want, just not home” - my tears ricochet

🪞 “Stood on the cliffside // Screaming, "Give me a reason" // Your faithless love's the only hoax// I believe in // Don't want no other shade of blue // But you // No other sadness in the world would do” - hoax 

🪞 “ I want auroras and sad prose // I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet // ‘Cause I haven't moved in years // And I want you right here // A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground “ - the lakes 

(Kaz, Inej, Jesper and Wylan are already posted)

[thatpunkmaximoff]

Story: 5 out of 5 Smut: 5 out of 5

This is my first Harley Laroux book… and I LOVED it! It was interesting to see how the dynamic between Manson, Lucas, Vincent, and Jason worked, and I kind of regret not reading “The Dare” beforehand, but I think this book answers any questions you might have about that night.

I liked that these young men have had a crush on Jessica all these years, and vice versa, and that Jessica is finally letting her guard down and doing what she wants. Because seriously, that revenge scene against Alex, Danielle, Nate and all those other backstabbing jerks… perfection!

The cliffhanger wasn’t too bad, but I’m anxious to know how they’re going to deal with Manson’s violent father being back, and what exactly is going to go down when Jessica doesn’t owe them a debt anymore.

I need to crack open book two asap.

Now enjoy my thoughts throughout the book...

* So the cheerleader made out with the freak. I’m getting Eddie/Chrissy vibes lol

* Kyle is also giving Jason vibes. Fuck this dude already. I don’t like that he’s setting up Manson to be jumped.

* Oh so we started in high school for the first chapter and then jumped to after high school in chapter two..? Okay then.

* Another two year time jump for chapter three.. I like that the characters are being aged up haha.

* Lmao. Jessica would run into two of the boys while washing cars for a church. Oh god, yes! At least they know she’s back in town now.

* Lmao. They got the best car wash they ever could have hoped for 😂

* Goddamn. Vincent and Jason… okayyyy, I see you 😏

* Ugh. Seriously? Kyle’s buddies still act like they’re in high school? Gross.

* The tension between Jessica, Manson, Vincent, Jason, and Lucas. Holy hell.

* So the girl Jessica’s ex cheated on her with is now into bad boys and interested in Lucas? Let the girl drama begin.

* Oh I’m so glad Lucas won that race.

* Alex is a little bitch boy. They should have shot him. And Jessica!! You’re a goddamn fool.

* Wow. Fuck Jessica for going along with those “friends” of hers. I hope the boys make her grovel for what they did to the cars.

* Dammnnnnn. These boys are the “fuck around and find out” type 😏

* Uh oh. Using her body to pay off the debt she owes them for fixing her car… this isn’t going to end well.

* Jesus… Lucas making her give him a show with her vibrator.. 🥵

* Omg. Lucas and Manson were fucking around when they “broke into” Jessica’s place. Holy shit.. that entire scene..

* lmao. Lucas is not an aftercare dude. He was so awkward before settling in.

* So Manson’s dad is back in town? This isn’t going to go well, is it?

* Jesus Christ, Vincent! I’m with Jessica. I thought you were the sweet one 😂 You little fucking sadist.

* Cat girls lmfao. I can’t with Jason right now.

* They got her cum-drunk. Holy shit. What even is this book?! And now Jason and Manson are totally fucked. They’re in deep.

* Damn. Manson found out his dad was back in town on his own. He’s really spooked by that asshole, huh?

* Road head 😏

* Jesus… this book is pure filth. I love it.

* Manson’s dad is freaking me out- the way he grabbed Jessica? Oh hell no.

* Lmfaoooo. Yessss! Jason fucking Jessica while Alex could hear..? That’s my new favorite scene 😂

* Damn, Manson. You really cut your name into her ass cheek, huh? 😏

* Oh I’m so glad she finally stood up to Danielle! Fuck that backstabbing bitch. And the boys got their revenge!!!

* Lmfao. She took out Lucas first in paintball and now he’s pissed. He’s definitely gonna fuck her, I just hope he pulls in his temper.

* Bent over the school desk. I’m here for it lol.

* God. Manson’s dad is a dick. Can he just die if alcohol poisoning or something?

* Goddamn. I’m not normally a fan of MM scenes, but there’s just something about Manson and Lucas getting it on that is.. 🥵

* Oohhhhh. They plan to kidnap Jess and bring her fantasy to life..? WHERE’S BOOK 2?!

[fen-the-space-dragon]

Mk uhhhh Middlepaw backstory time? I think it’s time for that (as in I wish to share the magic words that cause maximum emotional damage to my little child here so that YOU TOO can cause them emotional damage if you so wish. Cuz I enjoy making my ocs miserable and I swear I’m not a psychopath… also I feel like I should prob just explain their backstory along with those magic words)

There’s also a tldr at the end cuz this is really long

Mk, starting at the begining:

Middlepaw was born outside the clan to two rogue parents. They also had two siblings named Eldest and Youngest (you can tell their parents loved them very much naming them after their birth order /j). They didn’t really stay in any one spot long and tended to travel around a bunch, eventually wandering near Mommyclan. They figured it might be nice to live in a larger group where everyone kinda helps take care of everyone. Plus Youngest was sick and none of them knew much about healing, so they kinda needed Mommyclan’s help anyway

They wound up joining the clan and while the parents refused to take warrior names, they did change their kit’s names to fit in with the clan (Eldestkit, Middlekit, and Youngestkit). The parents would constantly fuss over Youngestkit and didn’t really give much attention to their other kits. Eldestkit was pretty much only given attention when being told to watch their siblings or see if the elders or anyone needed anything. They were pretty much just given chores and responsibilities

Middlekit on the other paw, was pretty much just ignored. Whenever they tried to get their parent’s attention, they were just told to go away, or that their parents were busy, or to go play with some other kits or something. At first they would directly try to get attention (mostly from their parents, but also sometimes from other cats), but slowly stopped doing that as it didn’t work with their parents who also didn’t like their kit pestering other clan members. “Stop annoying our clanmates. You don’t want us to get kicked out because of you, do you? Youngest kit would die if we got kicked out, you know that right?”

They stopped pretty quickly after that and instead tried to get attention other ways. They practiced “catching prey” (pouncing on rocks and moss and stuff), climbing, running, etc. They became a bit of a tryhard and wanted to be the best at like everything, that way maybe someone would acknowledge them for being good at something. They got frustrated a lot though, seeing as you can’t really just flip a switch and instantly be good at everything. They’d get upset when other kits beat them in a race or play fight or were just better than them at anything. Eldestkit would try to comfort them when this happened, but it didn’t work much. Middlekit wound up deciding that they just aren’t good at anything and are useless. They stopped really doing things and just kinda sat in the nursery and watched other cats. (This was towards the end of them being a kit. They were almost 6 moons old at this point. Youngestkit also got better at some point near the end of “tryhard Middlekit” and the begining of “sad Middlekit”)

Middlekit and their siblings were apprenticed (this reminds me Middlepaw needs a mentor lol) and lots of pressure was put on Eldestpaw by their parents to pretty much be perfect. “You need to do better. If we’re not useful, do you think they’re gonna keep us around? You need to be better than the apprentices who were born here or what reason will they have not to throw us out?” Youngestpaw was babied and given a lot of slack by their parents who used their former illness as an excuse to treat them better than their siblings (it was really just favoritism). Aaaand Middlepaw… who is Middlepaw? Yea, they basically never interacted with Middlepaw at this point and honestly kinda forgot that they were their kid unless someone metioned it and then they were like, “Oh, yeah! Middlepaw! Of course! We love Middlepaw! They’re so uh… good. They’re a good kid… yea :)” and then prob changed the topic to one of their other children

About a moon after being apprenticed, Eldestpaw, Youngestpaw, and their parents went on a “family walk” (without Middlepaw ofc cuz who’s Middlepaw? Eldestpaw mentioned that Middlepaw wasn’t there actually, but the parents were just like, “Eh. We don’t want them here. You two are the better children. Besides, they barely talk to us. They’re basically not even in the family anymore,” blaming Middlepaw for the distance between them and their family) and uh… they just never came back from the “walk”

When Middlepaw realized they weren’t coming back and had gone on a “walk,” they shut down even more than they had before. If anyone showed concern for what had happened to their family, Middlepaw would just tell them that their family is fine. “It’s just what they do,” is prob about the most explanation they’d give, but they seem to know what happened

For about a moon, they just kinda moped around. They would do things they were told to do, but only about the bare minimum before going to find a nice corner to be sad in. They didn’t really put much effort into anything and especially didn’t talk to or interact with anyone who didn’t start the interaction first. Even then, they’d try to end the interaction as quickly as possible

During the “sad Middlekit” bit, they also started talking to objects a bit, but it was only a little bit here and there and not nearly as much as they do now. They began a lot of their odd habits once their family left as kind of a way to cope with feeling so lonely and they started talking to things that weren’t cats a lot more than they previously did

More recently, they’ve slowly stopped moping so much and don’t try to end social interactions. They still usually don’t start them, but they will try to keep them going once someone else starts them. They’re also much less of a “sad quiet” now and more of just a “doesn’t have friends” kind of quiet. Also, they kinda tried to hide things like talking to themselves and objects before, but now they don’t kinda in hopes of someone noticing that they exist because of it

Also, their parents would try to kinda hide how they treated Middlepaw and Eldestpaw from others and if anyone ever said anything about that to them, they’d just try to brush it off like, “oh, it was a one time thing,” “tough love, you know?” “sometimes you just gotta be a little hard on them. It doesn’t phase them though”

Aaand uh yea. Btw, those magic words I was talking about in the begining are just anything along the lines of “go away,” “stop being annoying,” “I’m busy right now,” etc. Pretty much anything that resembles an excuse their parents would use to get them to go away

Tldr: Middlepaw had crappy parents who ended up abandoning them and leaving them emotionally fucked up and that’s why they have all their weird habits and don’t really start social interactions much :)

Why do I do this?

[yakumtsaki]

Boy does this update have everything: births, deaths, birthdays, murder attempts. Of course when Dagmar Bertino shows up I just know things are about to go to shit, walking bad omen.

-Alright, cough up the goods, blondie! Did I say that right, Valentina? -Yes, you’re doing great, now bite her ankle! -You said this wouldn’t be violent! -I also said this relationship wouldn’t work if you remained a timid flop!

-Oh Sandy, I don’t know what to do, Valentina and I are just too different.. I like walks in the park.. She likes organized crime.. -O̵H̵ B̸O̶O̸H̵O̸O, A̵T L̸E̴A̶S̷T Y̵O̸U̷'̵R̶E N̴O̵T A̷ Z̴O̷M̵B̶I̶E D̶O̵G WA̵S̵H̴E̴R🧟

The lovely Valentina takes a break from beating up the cats to give birth, now I want to remind you guys that I specifically picked Moody so he would tone down the aggressiveness of our dogs because the pet fights are out of control-

-and this is what he gave me on ALL THREE OF THE PUPPIES. So basically the only thing that changed is that they’re doofuses and pigpens now but still aggro, amazing!

Well they’re still cute, welcome to the household Servilia, Maximus, and Calpurnia❤️

I have so many slightly different photos of this exact situation that I’m constantly getting deja vu like ‘didn’t I already post this??’

UGH, ENOUGH. While I’m needlessly documenting this bullshit..

..Alcibiades dies💔 I hate how abrupt pet deaths are in this game, you don’t even get an event window and I keep missing them without saying goodbye!!!

RIP Alcibiades, you were such a good, chill boi who singlehandedly saved our cat legacy by being the feline suitor to finally manage to knock up D’vorah. I’ll miss you, baby.

Of course no death is tragic enough to stop certain robosexuals for engaging in ungodly activities. How many times do you have to be caught cheating in one day till you’re finally satisfied, Cyneswith???

Shajar returns from work and brings Hot Downtownie with her, but HD only has eyes for Sophie.

HD: Boy, I cant wait to meet Sophie :) Sophie: Boy, I can’t wait to have some toxic interaction with Shajar :)

The kittos are here, four of them too, damn, Dobronega!

-Go big or go home.

I can’t @ all of them having your eye scar too, iconic. Now as you probably recall because I just mentioned it yesterday, my goal with the cats was the opposite than the dog one aka I wanted to make them more aggro because the dogs are bullying the hell out of them. Let’s see how we did..

FINALLY SOMEONE AROUND HERE UNDERSTOOD THEIR ASSIGNMENT, TY DOBRIE. At last I can give the cats Mortal Kombat names and they will actually fit them, so here we have Kitana, Mileena, Ermac, and Scorpion, welcome bbs!

It could be possible we have too many pets now, but as long as we’re not flashing pink I’m gonna be in denial about the lag.

-Hey Sands, whatchu doing?🌸 -S̴K̴ILLI̴N̶G̶ F̶O̵R M̶YJO̷B. E̴VE̵R H̶EAR̴D O̴F T̷H̵O̷S̶E̴?🧟

RUDE. Cyneswith might not have a job but she performs many valuable tasks around the house, such as.. uh.. oh I got it:

SETTING A FIRE IN THE KITCHEN WHILE iVAN RUNS AMOK-

-AND TRIES TO KILL HER. 

Legit I don’t even know how to comment on this one, it’s already been established that when I go too long without taking Cyn out to lover-hunt she starts setting fires, but iVan electrocuting her?? I guess he was like ‘I brought you back into this world and I can take you right out of it.’

It’s another carefree night of swimming until 5am for Sugar..

..while Jojo fixes iVan’s crazy ass. Jo I don’t know how to tell you this, but when you die it might be time for iVan to.. you know, go live in a big robot farm. Called a junkyard. 

-WHAT?! Don’t even think about it, he’s my biggest scientific achievement!

Your biggest scientific achievement breaks down 3 times a day, who the fuck is gonna be fixing him once you’re dead??

-I’ll commute from Hell!

Sophie returns from work, gets promoted for the third time in a row, and Shajar RUNS TO HUG HER. Do I dare even ask what on earth is going on now?

-Nothing to be alarmed about, dumbass, we made up! -Yes, I apologized for suggesting a zombie threesome.. -And I in turn apologized for being a perfect mother and wife. 

Really Soph, that’s what you apologized for?

-Adopt a different tone if you want to address me.  -Haha, get her babe!

Alright then, so clearly Sophie climbing up the corporate ladder is gonna be UNBEARABLE, but at least you two are happy.

Look who else is making up, man, what a day of love!

-Oh mommy, after my one-sided mortal enemy Alcibiades’ death I’ve been thinking, I’m so sorry I beat you up, you know how sometimes I have a little bit of a rage problem! -Aw it’s ok, sweetheart, I forgive you!

*1 minute later*

-FUCK YOU MOM, DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY LIFE

Uh, Valentina, now might not be the best time to argue with your mother..

-MOMMY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO -It’s alright, Valie, I will always be with you in spirit, but thankfully not in the flesh because I could tell you were gonna saddle me with the babysitting, so this is perfect timing!

ABBEY MY BELOVED CHONK. You were such a chadette, I’ll never forget how you attacked the wolf and crushed Jojo’s stupid werewolf dreams, absolutely hilarious. RIP queen💔

I barely have time to process Abbey’s loss when I am struck by a different tragedy: having to throw a Union birthday party. Mercifully no one except Wulf showed up, Daniel and Gunther decided they’ve suffered enough.

Alright Sugar, blow out those candles and let’s see the extent of that Don Oates genetic catastrophe.

-Don’t I get to make a wish first??

The only wish you should be making with those grades is wishing to graduate elementary school.

OK. That’s not so bad right??? I can definitely see some Cyn in there!

But the nose is ALL Don, thanks so much bro! 

It’s time to roll for an aspiration and truly, I can’t even react anymore:

IS MY DIGITAL DIE FUCKING STUCK ON 6?!?! Like seriously is this gonna happen every goddamn generation??? Don’t even get me started on his incelitude-ensuring chemistry panel, any sims out there that are ripped but don’t work out, I have your soulmate right here. Literally we’re never gonna find anyone who has more than 1 bolt with this freak.

Let’s move on to Sophito who all my hopes are riding on. Don’t let me down, my little genius, roll knowledge and pursue your destiny!

-There comes a time in every person’s life where they stop and think.. ‘Am I living my life for others..’

-’or for myself’??

WELL CLEARLY IT’S THE LATTER IN YOUR CASE. So not only does Sophito pick my least favorite aspiration, but he decides to out-ridiculous Sugar in the chemistry department: Are you a chess grandmaster who lives in their parent’s basement? Then Sophito is here for you, but don’t even THINK of coming near him if you have ANY charisma. Good lord, his perfect spouse is literally Chester Gieke. 

Predictably he grew up cute, but truly it’s such a small comfort. Now we wait for the LTWs to show up..

Look at Shajar interacting with her kid, you’re a real family woman today aren’t you?

Wulf, did you only attend this party to harass our pets?

-Of course not, I care deeply about Sophio and Sagar! 

Yea I’m starting to ‘care deeply’ as well after seeing those aspirations, ok the LTWs are in:

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

SUGAR EVEN FOR YOU THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I can’t even really make fun of it, the simple IDEA of you in the army kills me, and I’m sure it will kill you too via friendly fire. We move on to Sophito, let’s see what horrors await us there..  

GOOD LORD WHY. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. 

-I told you, I’m gonna live life for myself from now on!

Yea, for yourself and 50 other people apparently! You know, you didn’t even have to go through all this trouble, you could have just stabbed me in the heart instead.

-Boy do I look MAGNIFICENT OR WHAT. Those cheekbones!!! 

God help me. So this is a hairstyle I associate with Jean Ralphio from Parks and Rec, and thus I was saving it for like a true HIMBO, I just never in a million years thought the ‘true himbo’ would be my ‘little genius’. 

-Don’t listen to her, son, being a genius fuckboi is the best of both worlds! Now lets shittalk your mother. 

Birthdays all around as Valentina’s puppies grow up! This is Servilia..

..Maximus..

..and Calpurnia! Max and Calp look HILARIOUS and normally I’d make one of them the dog heir so we could have fun genetic experiments, but I’m very emo about Abbey dying so we’re keeping Abbey-clone Servillia. Her siblings will go off to have a (clearly much better) life with Wulf and Angel.

Back to human bs, I can’t express to you guys how much trouble I’m having adjusting to New Sophito, aka Nuphito. Like the above is what he does literally ALL DAY LONG.

Oh, sorry, he also spends 8 hours a day in the hot tub. Remember when you used to autonomously play chess all day??

-Isn’t my logic skill already maxed?

Yes but-

-Am I not the most functional person in this house?

Sure-

-Then wouldn’t your time be better spent preventing some massive disaster instead of worrying about my hot tub time?

I don’t like you, I don’t like you at all, Nuphito!!!

Sandy gets demoted, gets home, and starts immediately fighting Sophie (whose face has once again glitched in that creepy perma-smile).

-I̴ WIS̶H A̸N E̷T̴E̵R̷N̴A̴L, ̵I̶NE̴S̵C̶EP̵AB̶LE W̶I̶N̵T̶E̴R O̷N̴ YO̵U🧟 -You talking to me, wormy? Have you lost your rotting brain?

Then Cyneswith shows up from the other side to admire Sophie, trapping her in a positive interaction/negative interaction loop:

-Congratulations on your amazing career progress, Sophie, you’re so smart, huhu!💗 -Aw, thanks-

-A̷R̶E Y̵O̴U SM̸A̵R̸T E̴N̴O̶UG̸H T̸O GIV̵E Y̸O̶U̷R̸S̴E̷L̵F A̶ N̷OS̶EJ̶O̵B̵, H̷A̷HA🧟 -WHAT THE FUCK YOU BROKE MY NOSE YOU BLOATED CARCASS, I WILL KILL-  

-Before you kill her, Soph, let’s do our school cheer! Voooooo gerbits, huhu!🌸 -Oh, fun!

-What a crazy day, my head is still spinning.. Literally, it’s still glitched. Thankfully nothing that sleeping next to my father in law won’t fix.. 

Yea you do you, Soph!

Guess who became best friends with her only child after 15 years? Mom of the year, Shajar Union!

In case you were wondering, this creepy shit is still going on, I swear I’m already seeing adult Sophito’s Sandy-filled want panel, and by ‘seeing it’ I mean in my nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares, I figured Sugar is gonna need all the help he can get so I got him a teen job in the army, and this is the ensemble he’s gonna present himself in. Man, you really have a rough life ahead of you. And now, for the horrible part..

WYATT NO💔💔💔💔💔 Goddamn Sophie, she’s like one of those hospital cats that go sleep next to patients who are about to die. 

-WYAT UNION, NEE MONIF, YOUR TIME- can you move a bit so I can pass? -Oui! -Thanks bro. WYATT UNION, YOUR TIME HAS COME -Quel?? Whò est toi?? -I AM DEATH

-Dethe?? Je ne ûndérstàndòix. -Oh man. Hula zombs, any of you speak French? -Tell him he is ‘mort’. -YOU ARE MORT 

-Hiiii everyone, have a blessed day!

FFS BUTLER #4, MAYBE OPEN YOUR EYES AS YOU ENTER A ROOM

-Oòòòòh, mòrt! -YES. HEAVEN- I MEAN, LE PARADIS, AWAITS YOU -Tres bien, huhu! Au revoir évéryoné, je t'aime Jòjò, non be sadoix! 

When I tell you guys I teared up for real. What to even say about my French-Arabian prince; he came into this legacy a randomly generated dormie with great hair and a Jojo obsession, and leaves with great hair, a Jojo obsession, and my heart. He was such a delightful presence and gave us so many great moments when he wasn’t asleep. RIP mon bebe❤️

Our Wyatt was always a giving soul and left money to absolutely everyone..

..like I’m looking around the house and EVEN iVAN has the inheritance memory..

..BUT DON DOES NOT LMAO. I CAN’T. Thanks for that final laugh, Wyatt❤️

[papuhater]

Can I ask for Gotham Jervis with enemies to lovers S/O? She would be his opposite, riding on motorcycle, wearing leather and wouldn't be able to stand each other (she would call him Willy Wonka rip off) but they had to work together and slowly starts liking each other (she would start laughing at his jokes, he would though her working on her motor is attractive).

Also unresolved jealousy since she would be flirty with targets while he would be talking all about 'Alice'

do opposites truly attract?

pairing: jervis tetch x fem!reader

a/n: uh-oh! did someone say leather???? i'm in.

summary: small headcanons of jervis tetch with an opposite fem reader, heads up for killing mentions and a wound

🕰) oh querida, the chaos?? *spanish voice* diosito mio, rezo por ustedes mis amores.

🕰) anyways, as we know, he really dresses like in the 19 century for some reason and has nice manners while you are like a feral wild cat, who had absolutely no manners and impulsive.

🕰) jervis couldn't stand working with you, she always putting your boots up on the table during tea time, he has tried correcting you many times but you can't change.

🕰) when you two weren't in an alliance you would fight and attack each other, but even with an alliance it wouldn't stop the insults from occurring, he was absolutely offended when you called him a 'willy wonka rip-off', he wanted nothing but your head served on a plate and you also desired his.

🕰 every time you two spoke, it is like a passive-aggressive discussion, but it doesn't stay that way as you poke and prod him, until he looses patience and prods harder.

🕰) so jervis needed this alliance with you now, and you needed it too. and so, due to a collective need, you had to work together in a heist, and of course, another schemes, he needed the brawl, and he was the full brain.

🕰) on one of these plans you got gravely hurt, he could've left you to die but for some reason, he became incapable to do it, you know, leaving you to get caught. jervis, saved you and well you had to stay with him for some time, the police had really hitted well.

🕰) the tension was always dense in the air the first days, the first one you tried to kill him and you threatened him and laughed at his vulnerability because he did not let you rot and die, and he simply responded with a condensending

"well my dear mockingbird, i guess if instead of thanking me, you are going to mock, i might as well shoot you, even though it can be considered a sin."

🕰) let's say that after that you were very quiet and more nice to him, he began hanging more around your bed-ed form, and talking not in a passive-aggressive way, like actual human conversation.

🕰) jervis learned a lot by having to be with you, he learned you really like leather coats, he also learned you had a tattoo! our mad hatter here started feeling warmth and not the hating heat he felt when thinking of you as an enemy.

🕰) but from your perspective, jervis was in another light, in one you haven't felt in a long time, it could be considered a crush or more, but his jokes seemed funnier when they weren't targeted with aggression, even though when you were able to walk while healing you didn't bolt out into your lair, you stayed and helped domestically.

🕰) once you could fully move the first thing was checking on your motorcycle, jervis decided to accompany you by the excuse that you were going to get hurt by recklessness. even though he liked to admit seeing you get your hands dirty and being so, so strong, made his blood flush into his face, some grease got into your face and he offered you a napkin with his initials.

🕰) on the next heist you did together you were continuing the suit of your flirty personality against the targets, sending winks and complimenting, only that jervis felt a pang of negative feelings against the targets, or you? he didn't know, he only felt this when alice paid attention to something else, why did he felt that against you?

🕰) on the other hand, you felt a pang of jealousy every time he spoke about alice as if she was immaculate or a deity, just that when you acted flirty against the targets, jervis would stare at you while looking really pissed.

🕰) when you both of you stopped working together the dynamic was a nonromantic game of cat and mouse, he did something to spite you, and you would try to get his ass, and viceversa, it felt like fun, and not vengeance

🕰) sometimes you would just appear and spend tea time with him, even though you decided to stay anf not confront, jervis didn’t do that, he identified his feelings, and didn’t want to shut up about them in fear, he has planned a whole game to tell you how he felt, and he only could wait to tell you.

[andhaveapleasanttomorrow]

long post about anime which I wrote upon waking up after 4 hours of sleep

I don't watch a lot of anime recently; there is an overall tendency in anime I think that forces you to be detached from reality in a way that I don't care to be. obviously I am detached from reality but it's more granular than that. I'm detached in such a way that I know I don't live in reality but I'm always frantically trying to access what it might feel like if I did, cave-wall-shadows style. I'm obsessed with mimesis.* I think there is a certain type of anime that you can only enjoy if you've displaced yourself so far away from reality that it's not appealing anymore. (how do I explain this without seeming contemptuous or hypocritical? because I feel like I do get that way sometimes, I feel like I might be lying about what makes me different- probably nothing actually makes me different other than my desire to differentiate myself.) I think there is a certain type of anime** that requires you to see the "high school girl" or more specifically the "2d high school girl" not as a subset of human but as some sort of beautiful heavenly creature made of light; a JK is a thing that blushes and squeals and moans and doesn't tend to have any more complex motivations or inner thoughts than maybe "being with friends" or "doing what's right." a big part of the problem I have with certain kinds of anime is that it doesn't "feel real"- obviously I don't need every piece of art to be aimless mumblecore bujalski shit- I mean more like the characters don't feel like actual people, even in stories where they reasonably should be; it's a failure of mimesis, not because it's unsuccessful, but because what it's replicating is not real life but itself.*** so all the tropes and shorthand conventions fold in on themselves and become saturated to the point that it's its own world unrecognizable to anyone who hasn't steeped in it long enough. (try explaining the concept of isekai to someone who doesn't know anything. now try explaining the ways in which certain devices are so central to the genre that you didn't even consider them worth mentioning in the first explanation. now try to get them to understand how actually truly large the genre is.) the high school girl is a species of many breeds, like maybe there's a cat one and a bubbly one and an elegant one and a sleepy one. the personality traits get doled out in heaven and they only get to have two or three apiece. it's comforting, the idea that you can simplify a person into an icon or concept, 3dpd real girls are complicated and confusing and I don't want to try to understand them I want the comfort of knowing that my favourite girl is the Eel Girl because she likes eels and that's all she will ever be. she liked eels as a little girl (another special kind of creature) and in 15 years when she's an office lady (another) she will still like eels and when I die she will be there[4] waiting for me so she can talk with me about eels. I'm not even saying this with as much contempt as you might imagine (although, yeah, it is misogynistic[5]), real life is scary and it scares me and people are scary and I don't want to talk to them, that's why I need to feel like I'm accessing real life through art, so I can see it and understand it fully, it's safer that way- see, it's just a different expression of the same feeling[6]. and then I start to doubt myself, well, is it really that much different from the usual process of character creation? not everything needs to be a perfect recreation of the human spirit, right? even in real life, we simplify the people we know in our heads, whether we try to or not. is it so wrong to have a bunch of characters that are just "types," summed up in three words, so you can pick the one you like most and buy a keychain of her? is it really the miserable world-ending portent of doom you seem to view everything as, isn't it fun? and my answer is, uh, yeah, it is fun I guess. anyway that concludes my review of THE IDOLM@STER: CINDERELLA GIRLS

*as a kid I was engrossed with the concept of a sims-type game where instead of a list of pre-selected actions, you could do anything you could in real life, and have the computer respond to them. this was in the context of only ever wanting my sims to do normal things like make friends and kiss, so it becomes clear that what I actually wanted was to just experience real life, the one caveat being that I'd be interacting with the computer rather than other people (for a long time I didn't consider this a meaningful distinction).

**I'm belaboring this "certain type" verbage because I don't want to seem like the guy who thinks all anime is one thing, which inspires like, "not all anime is bad dude, watch Kaiba" type reactions. I know, I've watched a lot of anime.

***I'm pretty sure miyazaki said something about this once and if I'm right then he certainly said it in a more eloquent and sensical way than I have

[4] ok, the conceptual synthesis of the angelic imagery I've been using is that anime girls in our world are earthly prismatic projections of a kind of Ur-Girl up in heaven, the platonic ideal of joshikousei, so the mimesis is actually of the ur-girl, I lied before

[5] the funny thing though is that I can't even say men are offered the privilege of having inner worlds; in most of the examples I can think of they simply aren't there, or they are intended for the viewer to project onto and thus so lacking in personality as to be basically nonexistent

[6] but so why keep trying? why reach out and get so close I can almost touch it, but not quite? when I could give up on understanding real people, on creating a map of what they are and how they think, and recreate my world in the image of the JK? well I think mainly because I went to an all-girls high school and it disillusioned me towards the whole practice. for one thing no one was feeling each other up all that much and anyway a decent number of us were actually boys

[catmaidetho]

a stranger's cat

1186 words. from my danger days au.

“MEEEEOOOOOOWW!”

You groan, throwing your hands over your ears.

“MROWW!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” 

You sit up, and glance over to where Cleo is somehow still sleeping soundly. You envy her ability to pass out anywhere, any time. The gas station tile is cool beneath you, but unfortunately it’s not comfortable. If it wasn’t high noon, you would have preferred to nap in the truck, but you don’t like cooking alive.

“AWROOOM!”

You also would have probably slept better if there wasn’t a cat yowling for its life outside.

You grumble to yourself and walk over to the door, staring at the little thing as its claws scrape along the glass, leaving lines in its wake and creating a noise that almost rivals the damn things’ incessant crying. The cat’s mostly black, with white on its chest and toes, and a torn red bandana tied around its neck.

The moment it sees you, it unhinges its jaw and lets loose the most painful wail yet.

“I get it, I see you, stop yowling,” you snap.

You barely open the door, and the cat immediately bolts in and butts its head into your legs, its tune changing from the cries of the damned to the loudest purr you’ve ever heard.

“Oh. Hi little guy.”

It mewls and nips at your boot laces.

“Do you, uh, need something?”

It meows and walks back towards the door, scratching up the door frame.

“But—but I just let you in?”

It walks back to you, little green eyes staring up at you and into your soul, and yowls again.

“Hey, Cleo?” you call back.

She groans. “What on earth are you doing, Bdubs?”

“I found a cat.”

The store is silent. Then, Cleo’s footsteps drag across the tile as she makes her way over to you.

“A cat?” she asks.

It meows.

“Yeah.”

She stops beside you, staring down at it. “...And? Does it want something?”

It meows again, much louder, and turns to scratch at the door again.

“I, uh, I think it wants me to follow it.”

She snorts. “Really?”

It wails, giving the door one long scrape with its claws that hurts your ears. You don’t consider yourself an expert on cats, but that seems pretty damning evidence that the cat has somewhere to be. You walk over and push the door back open, and the cat struts out a few paces, before turning back to look at you.

“Mrow?”

Cleo sighs. “Can’t it wait? It’s too hot out right now.”

“WAAAOOW!”

“Jesus! Okay, I guess it can’t.”

The cat lifts its head with a satisfied little mrrp as you both step out of the store, following it as it struts across the sand towards a smudge in the distance. It keeps glancing back at you with its startlingly green eyes, as if checking that you’re still following.

Cleo groans. “Why are we doing this?”

You shrug. “It wouldn’t let me sleep.”

She sighs. “Oh of course that’s why!”

The cat suddenly bolts forward towards a scraggly, knotty tree, and yowls something that could pass for a human crying in pain.

Wait.

“Holy shit,” you blurt, bolting after the cat. “Cleo, get over here, there’s a guy here!”

The cat yowls again, pawing at the shoulder of a scrawny, sickly pale person half-slumped over and leaning against the tree. They’ve got short, stark white hair that’s half held back by a red bandana tied around their forehead. You could swear you’ve seen this person before.

You kneel in front of them and press two fingers to their neck.

“They’re alive!” you yell back, and you glance behind you to see Cleo has barely moved an inch.

“Bdubs,” she starts, cold and sharp, “I think that’s one of King Dog’s guys.”

Your heart sinks. Oh. “B-But… Cleo, we can’t just leave someone to die because they might—”

Cleo stomps over and drags you back by your collar. “Nope. We don’t fuck with the Dog or his goons. We don’t even chance it.”

Your eyes are stuck on the cat. It’s propped itself up on the stranger’s lap with its front paws on their chest, and is repeatedly bumping its head into their face, quietly mewling. You don’t believe much in the Witch, but this cat has got to be one of her messengers. 

“It’s not the guy’s time,” you blurt. “Please, Cleo, just—we can’t just let ‘em die in the sun.”

“And when the Dog’s army comes to beat us and steal everything we own?” she snaps, “What then, Bdubs?”

The cat yowls, and you glance down to see it bumping its head into Cleo’s legs.

She looks down. “Hi kitty,” she sighs, kneeling down. She offers it her hand to sniff, only for it to bolt back to the person it lead you to. “No, we can’t—”

“WAAAAAWR!”

You blink down at it, and it yowls again. You walk back over to the person, kneeling in front of them again. 

“Dog goon or not, they’re just somebody out here tryna survive like the rest of us,” you say, “The least we can do is get ‘em some water.”

Cleo sighs. “If this bites us in the ass, I’ll kill you both,” she blurts.

Cleo walks over and easily scoops the person into her arms. “Jesus, this fucker’s lanky,” she mumbles, readjusting her grip. “Alright, let’s go.”

The cat jumps up onto your shoulders, and the entire walk back, it doesn’t stop purring.

You wish you could give the person a bed or something to lay on, but the truck’s still too hot, so the gas station floor it is. As soon as Cleo laid them down, the cat jumped down to curl up by their face.

You both have no choice but to sit and keep watch. You alternate between scanning the shelves for anything you missed on your first assessment of this place and watching over the stranger. You’re trying desperately to remember where you saw them—obviously, they’re one of the Dog’s guys, but the Dog’s had a lot of guys and done a lot of things. You don’t think this is his Ripper, he doesn’t leave the Dog’s side. But then… who would the Dog just dump on the side of the road?

The person suddenly coughs, startling you out of your thoughts. 

“H—” They start, only to break down into more coughing. They sit up and spit yellowish bile onto the tile.

“Hey! Hey, no doin’ that!” you blurt, leaning down and grabbing their shoulders to help them sit up. “Don’t you go vomitting up blood or whatever all over yourself, ‘cause we ain’t got spare clothes for you.”

The stranger blinks, trying to scramble away from you but butting up against the wall. Their cat mewls and crawls into their lap, and they look down at it. Their brows draw together, and they cautiously scratch its head, before looking back up at you.

“Who… are… you…?” they rasp, slow and crackly and broken.

You beam. “B-Double-O, your savior. You got a name, sunshine?”

They tilt their head. “E—” They lean away to cough. “Etho.”