#well not done but. 2nd semester me will be more relaxed and then i can keep working on my fives and ahsoka fic that i want to update soon

[ninastarkov]

gahhdkdksjsbab just finished a big section of a major english assignment and i am very relieved yet at the same time... there’s a lot to go...

[bobohu4eva]

Pink Lace - Chapter 2

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut, slow burn

Summary: Baekhyun, a philosophy professor with mysterious wealth, got himself completely fucked over a girl who can’t let him into her life.

Word count: 6.2k

Warnings: sex work, mentions of sexual assault, adult themes/situations, eventual smut

Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banan @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey​ @deligxt​ 

Masterlist

“God I’m so fucking sick of this semester and it hasn’t even started yet.” You complained, lying on your roommates bed flipping through one of your textbooks for the upcoming semester.

“Relax, at least you have money and you’re smart y/n, you’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re an arts major, not an architecture student.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing! It’s just different!”

“Mhm sure I’d love to see you paint a landscape or sculpt something.”

You gave your best friend a dirty look before focusing your attention back to the textbook.

Mia had been your best friend since 2nd grade and she had lived with you since you were 18. She had always been the more artistic one, doing dance from a young age and taking all sorts of art classes whenever she could. Her overall view on life was quite different from yours. She saw the world through the lens of an artist, and an optimist. 

Her views on relationships were very different from yours as well, with quite the laundry list of exes, each one more thrilling than the last. You honestly loved hearing all her stories and found it impressive how well she seemed to have the dating game figured out. You on the other hand, could count the men you’d slept with on one hand, and aren’t one for parties or anything like that, preferring to stay home and study or watch a drama.

With your dislike for parties and dating apps, you stayed pretty single. Not that you minded, being too swamped with schoolwork to make time for a real boyfriend anyway. Sometimes you thought about going out to parties and trying to find yourself a hookup but you never followed through, not wanting that kind of intimacy with a stranger.

“Did you see Baekhyun again last night?” She asked casually, knowing all about your work. Although for her, asking if he was there really meant ‘are you going to buy me my lunches again this week’.

“Yeah...” You contemplated for a second if you should tell her, but you quickly decided to just say it, not wanting to keep things from your best friend. “I told him my name. Like my real name.”

Her eyes went wide, definitely surprised by your confession. “Wait seriously? Why?”

“He asked and I just couldn’t tell him no.” You replied, much quieter now.

“Well it’s your choice but that really wasn’t a good idea, he’s already way too into you and now he’s just gonna think he actually has a shot with you.”

“Yeah I know I just.. I can’t explain it but it felt different.”

“He’s just another pervy dude who wants tits in his face! There’s a reason he pays you.” 

“He’s not a perv! He’s still a guy of course, but he’s sweet.” You felt a twinge of embarrassment at how quick you were to defend him. 

“All that matters about this guy is that he gives you nearly a thousand dollars every night he sees you, right?” You nodded. “You don’t want him thinking he doesn’t have to pay you anymore do you?”

You stayed quiet, because you knew she was right. This was the nature of your relationship with Baekhyun, and straying from what you had with him now just meant opening yourself up to the possibility of losing a lot of money, money you needed.

You were kind of surprised by how opposite you and Mia seemed to be in this situation. Usually it was you talking to her about boys, telling her not to make reckless decisions.

“Yeah you’re right. I’m gonna go to bed. I have classes starting pretty early tomorrow.” You told her as you left her room for yours.

You needed to sleep, but your conversation with her left you with the same uneasy feeling you’d had after last seeing Baekhyun. The longer you stared at your ceiling, the more you felt like you did the right thing telling him your name. He really liked you and it probably made his day, and you knew he wouldn’t use it against you in any way. He was too nice for that.  What’s the worst that could happen, right?

~

The first few classes of the day had gone okay. Your physics and statics professors didn’t seem like complete assholes, and you only had one class left for the day, philosophy. Part of you was annoyed you even needed to take the class, since you wouldn’t exactly consider yourself a very “deep” person, but you figured it would be easy enough.

Being the good student you are, you decided to get there early to get a seat close to the front to make a good impression on the professor. When you arrived the previous class hadn’t finished yet, so you sat down on a bench nearby and opened a book.

“Hey, are you waiting for philosophy class too?”

You looked up to see a rather cute boy, books in hand, looking down at you with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, do I know you?”

“I’m Lucas.” He sticks his hand out for you to shake, so you do and he sits down next to you. “Are you a philosophy major?”

“No, architecture. And I’m y/n.”

“Damn you must be really smart then! I’m a business major.”

“You also just have to take this for the humanities credit?”

“Yeah, but I’m excited, the professor seems cool I met him earlier today.”

“Really? What’s he like?”

“Super cool and smart, kind of young, but like a genius.”

“Yeah well hopefully he’s nice too. Especially with grading”

Lucas laughed and you noticed the previous class leaving the lecture hall so you got up and made your way in, sitting down in the second row, Lucas sitting down next to you. The professor hadn’t showed up yet so you turned to Lucas again, making small talk to pass the time. As you talked to him you realized he was actually fairly funny, although not the smartest. You had to admit though, he was pretty damn handsome. He had to be an entire foot taller than you, with beautifully tanned skin and a smile that would make any girl weak in the knees. 

“Are you going to any parties this weekend? I’m going to one at my buddies frat Friday night if you wanna be my date.”

You frowned “Sorry, I don’t really do parties.”

You could see the disappointment on his face. “Damn really? Well if ever change your mind you can text me.” He said as he scribbled something down and slid a piece of paper with his number on it across the table to you.

You internally cringed, but took the paper anyway and give him a small thank you. You weren’t lying when you said you didn’t do parties, but you still felt bad shooting him down, especially since he was actually pretty cute. That was the problem with you and dating in college. No matter how cute a guy was, what they wanted and what you wanted rarely added up well.

You’d bought your textbook already so you decide to get back to looking through it before class started. You also just wanted an excuse to stop talking to Lucas. You got lost in the book, finding yourself surprisingly interested in different moral theories and types of ethical arguments.

“Ahem.”

You heard who you assumed to be your professor and looked up, not expecting to see Baekhyun of all people smirking back at you. Fucking smirking.

You almost choked on air when you realized who you were looking at. Not only was it Baekhyun of all people standing in front of you, but he was wearing a fitted white button down and slacks with his hair styled out of his face, and glasses abandoned on his podium. He looked hot. You felt your face getting warmer and warmer.

“Hey you ok?” Lucas asked, having seen your reaction to Professor Byun.

“What? Yeah I’m totally fine why wouldn’t I be?” You responded, too loudly. Loudly enough that Baekhyun noticed. And laughed.

“Do you guys know each other or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You told him while giving Baekhyun your best version of a death stare, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Hello everyone I’m Mr. Byun, I’ll be your philosophies of life professor.” He said, starting the lecture with a fairly neutral look on his face, although you noticed him looking in your direction often, and smiling.

You had to admit, he was smart. Not that you were particularly surprised, he seemed fairly intelligent from the conversations you’d had with him at work, but granted those weren’t always the most intellectual conversations either. The way he explained what you had read in the book was both interesting and informative, but you couldn’t focus on him talk about Socrates when just two days earlier you had been grinding on him, and had even let him touch you. Especially when he looked like that now. Your whole body felt hot and you knew you were probably as red as a tomato. 

You tried your best to focus on what he was saying for the sake of your grade, but he wasn’t making it easier by the way he kept looking in your direction with that smile on his face. Now, often looking you directly in the eyes with the same intensity from the club. Only this time, while sounding incredibly, frustratingly, smart.

As much as you tried, you couldn’t focus. Not when you had to process the fact that Baekhyun was now your college professor, and knew way more about you and your life than you ever wanted him to. You were hit with the realization that he now also knew you’d lied to him about nearly everything.

You became painfully aware of how you looked compared to him. While he looked exquisite in his business-casual attire, you had barely rolled out of bed in time to throw your hair up in a messy top knot and apply some mascara. Your hoodie and leggings combo wasn’t your best either, and you started feeling more and more embarrassed by the second.

Every other time Baekhyun had seen you, you had been dressed in expensive lingerie with your hair and makeup done perfectly. You had always been the one in control of the situation. Now, you only felt small and underdressed.

After what felt like hours he finally ended the lecture. But he wasn’t done yet, not with you at least. And you could tell by the way he was staring at you, smile now gone and replaced with a much more serious  expression. As soon as he dismissed everyone to leave, you frantically started shoving your things in your bag, trying to get out of the room as quickly as possible but your hands were shaking so badly that you ended up fumbling and dropping most of what you’d been holding.

“Shit, shit, shit” you whispered to yourself as you desperately reached for your belongings, feeling Baekhyun’s eyes on you, but it was too late and right after you saw the last student leave the lecture hall, you heard your name.

“Y/n come here.”

Not really having the option to say no, you walked up to him, trying to look as annoyed as possible.

“You look cute like this, without the heels and everything. I like it.” He said, now smiling down at you. Despite the mocking feeling of the statement, his face was soft now, the smug smirk from earlier gone.

Baekhyun was absolutely thrilled. The girl he usually looked forward to seeing all week long was right in front of him now, within reach. And he’d get to you see you much more now as well. He had to keep himself from looking too happy since he knew you weren’t in nearly as good a mood as him.  

You’d never wanted to disappear as badly as you did in that moment. Here, Baekhyun was the one with all the power, and you despised it. He was the one all dressed up and making all the rules. You felt small and embarrassed, having little choice but to listen to whatever it is was he had to say to you. You hated the feeling.

“What do you want?”

“You lied to me.” His face didn’t look angry at all, just blank, void of any emotion.

“Why are you making me do this can I please just leave?” You asked, hoping he’d have some sympathy but you have no such luck.

No answer

“Baekhyun, please. Just let me go home and switch into a different section.” You look at him with pleading eyes, wanting this nightmare to be over.

His face hardened, now slightly annoyed.

“Professor Byun, and I’m afraid you’re stuck with me y/n. I’m the only one teaching this class this semester.”

“Well, fuck” You muttered, looking down at the floor. 

“Is that how you speak to your professors?” 

Your head snapped back up, and you narrowed your eyes at him.

“You know, y/n, I’m not mad that you lied to me. I should’ve assumed as much. After you told me your name and I saw it on the attendance sheet I had been hoping you’d been lying.” He still looked annoyed, but his face had softened a bit. 

“Oh fuck off Baekhyun”

Immediately his expression went sour again, jaw clenched and brown furrowed.

“Here it’s Mr. Byun. And don’t use that language with me again, I’m serious.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“What do you mean? I didn’t know you’d be here. It was just yesterday that I even realized your name was on my roll sheet.” 

He had a point. He couldn’t have planned this, you’d signed up for the class months ago and he didn’t even know your name until two nights ago.

“Why aren’t you freaking out then? Shouldn’t you be worried about having me in your class?”

He only let out a chuckle.

“Why would I be worried? As far as I’m concerned this only means I get to see you more often, which I’m fine with. And you need to pass this class to graduate on time, so shouldn’t you be glad you’re already friends with your professor?”

You knew it wasn’t what he intended, but the smile on his face felt like it was mocking you.

“Yeah. Friends.” You scoffed. “Can I go home now?”

“So this is your last class of the day?”

You internally cursed yourself for giving up that bit of information.

“Yeah. Now can I leave?”

“Well you’re not in a hurry are you? Since you don’t have anywhere to be after this.”

“Baekhyuuun” you whined “please, this sucks, just let me go home.”

He smiled, seemingly amused by you begging him.

“Okay. I’m not gonna make you stay any longer since you obviously don’t want to. But let me make it clear, I’m not gonna go easy on you here just because I like you. You still have to try.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” You reply, picking your bag up to leave, wondering what exactly he meant by like you. 

“I’m really looking forward to reading your essays by the way.”

He flashed you a smile as you finally turned to leave, and you hated yourself for not doing a better job at looking mad. As much as you hated to admit it, he had a damn beautiful smile.

“See you on Wednesday!” He shouted after you as you left the room. You didn’t respond.

When you arrived back at your apartment your mind started to fill with panicked thoughts. He wouldn’t come to the club anymore now would he? That meant having to try to mingle with strangers again, something you hated about your work. It also meant less money. It’s not often that customers bought hour long dances.

And what if he did show up again? How would you even act around him? Part of you wanted him to for the easy money, but you just couldn’t imagine grinding on your professor. Your face heated up just at the thought, especially since you knew he could look that good now. Would you even be able to give him a lap dance without losing your own mind?

You had trouble processing the fact that this was even able to happen. You’d  never thought to ask Baekhyun for his last name, and since it had been summer break he didn’t mention his job. The whole situation seemed bizarre. 

And what about class? Will he make it more difficult if he doesn’t get what he wants? 

No. Baekhyun isn’t like that, you tell yourself. As much as you disliked having him in a position of power over you, you’d gotten to know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t abuse it.

The more you’d gotten to know him the more you liked spending time with him rather than other customers, regardless of the money. And for good reason. The longer you knew Baekhyun, the more you realized he wasn’t like the other guys who came to the club. You could tell he was good, decent guy.

He was always there to see you, and only you. You had several other regulars, but none of them had any qualms about talking to and getting dances from other girls. Not that you minded, but you’d never seen Baekhyun even speak to another dancer.

He’s also just nice. The kind of nice that you don’t see in people often anymore. He was always incredibly respectful and would never do anything you weren’t comfortable with. Very few of the guys you came in contact with cared at all if they made you uncomfortable. They’d just assume that’s a part of the job for you.

Baekhyun was actually interesting to talk to as well. Since you’d met him at the beginning of summer, he usually told you about adventures he went on with his friends, most of whom you knew from the night they’d dragged him into the club.

They were a genuinely cool group of people. The one he was closest with, Chanyeol, was a music producer, another named Kyungsoo was an up and coming actor, and the one who’d introduced himself as Jongin was a professional dancer. Chanyeol had been the one to come with the idea of taking Baekhyun to the club in the first place. 

Baekhyun would tell you anecdotes from nights out he’d had with them during college, as well as other wild stories and you’d often find yourself laughing and smiling so hard your face hurt. Ever since your first night with him, you noticed how good he was at making the people around him feel at ease. He always knew what to say and when to make people laugh. 

Baekhyun was different from the other men at work because you liked being around him. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t find him attractive either. If you’d met him anywhere else, and he wasn’t your professor, you’d probably be more than willing to go on a date with him. 

But unfortunately that wasn’t the case.

You tore yourself out of your thoughts and realized how late it had gotten. Although it was only the first day, you already had homework you needed to start on. You spent the rest of the evening trying to be productive, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Baekhyun. How good he had looked, how attractive he sounded giving the lecture, how he wouldn’t stop looking at you. 

He was going to be much more present in your life now, whether you liked it or not.

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday morning Baekhyun felt stupid for how excited he was to see you. He’d decided to get up early to work some exercise into his day, and hopefully clear his mind, but even as he took a shower and started getting ready to leave for work, he couldn’t get you out of his head. He’d decided to wear something a bit more casual and stylish, opting for a new pair of glasses, striped red t shirt, and cream slacks. He tried to make other excuses for why he wanted to look nice but in the back of his mind, he knew he wore it because he wanted to look good in front of you.

During the class before yours he noticed a female student in the first row chewing on the back of her pencil as she very intentionally leaned over her desk to grab a pen, putting her cleavage on display to him.

He only rolled his eyes, but he was pleased to see that his outfit was getting good reactions. He just hoped you’d like it.

When the class before yours left, Baekhyun felt his heart rate go up. What if you’d found a way to get out of his class? Would you even show up? Or if you did, would you just end up sitting as far from him as possible?

Usually he’d leave to go get a coffee during his break between giving lectures, but today he stayed in case you came early again. As the minutes went by students started to fill the lecture hall. Baekhyun couldn’t help but keep his eyes fixed on the door every time he heard it open, but he just kept seeing everyone but you. 

A minute before class started, you walked in and sat down in the second to last row.

Baekhyun felt his face light up as soon as saw you, only to immediately turn into a frown when he saw where you chose to sit down. It was as he’d suspected, you wanted to be as far away from his as possible. But at least you were there.

As Baekhyun started the lecture, he couldn’t help looking in your direction every few seconds. Even though you were in casual clothes without any fancy hairstyle or makeup, this was the version of you Baekhyun loved seeing the most. He was used to the perfected product you presented yourself as at your job, and he knew that wasn’t the real you. This was. You in leggings and a t shirt, your hair messily falling over your shoulders as you scribbled down notes. He could watch you like this all day. He noticed how your brows would furrow in confusion whenever he’d bring up a new concept, and how you chewed on your bottom lip when you were concentrating. Ever since he’d seen you like this on Monday, he couldn’t get enough. It was you, the real you.

He also noticed how you seemed to look everywhere in the room except for at him. You spent as much time as possible with your head down taking notes, even when there wasn’t much to write down. Other times your eyes would stay glued to the power point slides, or wander around the walls and ceilings. He understood why you weren’t exactly comfortable looking at him.

Despite being on the other side of the room, he was still able to pick up on little things. He noticed your leg bouncing, fingers tapping on the desk, and how much you would fidget when you weren’t writing notes.

He knew you were uncomfortable, and he hated it. He hated himself for being the reason. He wished there was something he could do or say that would make you enjoy being in his class more. Anything that would make you feel more at ease with him in this situation. If he wasn’t the only one teaching the class he wouldn’t have minded if you’d switched to a different professor, if it meant you were more comfortable. Of course he would’ve missed seeing you, but he also knew that was a selfish thought. He felt guilty that you had to be there and be uncomfortable because of him.

At the end of the lecture he gave the class their first proper assignment, a short essay analyzing Plato's “The Ring of Gyges”. It was an assignment he always gave at the very beginning of the semester, since it was a quite difficult read and gave him a good idea of how everyone would do in the class.

He was especially excited to see how you would do.

When class ended, you were the first one to leave and this time he didn’t stop you. He knew you wanted to leave and didn’t want to bother you again, still feeling slightly sorry for how late he’d kept you the first day. He’d only done it to try to reassure you about having him as your professor, but he hadn’t been expecting you to be as distressed about it as you were. In hindsight he realized he’d probably only made things more stressful for you.

Once the room was empty aside from him he packed up his things and left as well, hoping that you could become less anxious over time, and eventually, maybe even enjoy being in his class.

For now though, class had not been something for you to look forward to at all. You’d been dreading it ever since Monday afternoon.

That morning as you were getting ready, you tried to make yourself look a bit more presentable than you’d looked Monday, not wanting to live through the embarrassment of seeing Baekhyun look so nice while you were basically wearing pajamas again.

For the first half of your day you threw yourself into your other class work, successfully taking him off your mind for a while, but when your physics class ended and your next class was with him you felt yourself starting to panic.

You thought about skipping class, but you cared too much about your grade. You decided your best choice was to just get there as late as possible and sit as close to the door as you could so he wouldn’t be able to get you to stay after class again.

As you walked across campus you felt yourself get more and more nervous. Despite being there 20 minutes early and the room being open to sit down in, you sat down outside. As the minutes drew closer to class starting you felt your heart start to race and had trouble controlling your breathing. One minute before class was to start you got up, walked over to the door, and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down a bit. You pushed open the door with shaky hands, and the second you could see into the room you notice Baekhyun's eyes on you, and his beautiful smile. You quickly looked down and hurried to the closest available seat in the back of the room, cringing at yourself.

As much as you wished you could, you couldn’t just ignore Baekhyun. He was the professor, you had to listen to him. But you had a hard time doing anything when he looked like he did. His shirt showed off his broad shoulders and he was wearing different glasses now too. He looked even better than he had on Monday. Had it not been for you already knowing him, you probably would’ve found him distracting for different reasons. You did everything you could not to look at him directly, knowing he’d catch you and see you blush. But who wouldn’t blush if he was staring at them while looking like that? You could tell some of the other girls in the class liked his outfit as well by the way they whispered to each other while shooting glances his way.

You wondered if maybe this was something he did often, if he liked starting things with students. If maybe his whole nice guy persona was fake and he really was just another scumbag.

But you soon realized that was just the bitterness speaking. You wouldn’t admit it to yourself but the thought of other girls trying to seduce him was bothering you. Baekhyun wasn’t a scumbag, not when he’d dedicated his life to teaching people about ethical issues and moral arguments.

As the class went on you couldn’t help but fidget and shift around in your seat. Even though you were avoiding looking at him, you knew his eyes were on you for much of the lecture. You’d figured it would be like this.

As it got closer and closer to the end of class you felt yourself get more and more panicked at the thought of him keeping you after again. You didn’t know what he could possibly keep you after for, but you didn’t want to stick around and find out, so as soon as he dismissed the class you nearly ran out without looking back.

“Hey, y/n!”

The sound of your name nearly gave you a heart attack, thinking it was Baekhyun who was going to force you to talk to him like this again but when you saw Lucas waving at you, you let out a relieved sigh.

“Hi Lucas.”

“I thought you’d come sit by me again today what happened?” He asked.

“Sorry about that, I was almost late today so I didn’t want to walk out there in front of the whole class” you said, hoping he wouldn’t see through your lie.

“Well I hope next time you’ll sit with me again.”

You managed to give him a small smile and nod, still a bit too frazzled over everything to want to talk to him.

“I have to get home, but I’ll se you Friday. Bye Lucas.” You waved at him as you went in the opposite direction.

You felt bad for not talking to him any longer, but you just weren’t in the right headspace.

On your walk home you felt weird. Had it really been that bad? Or were you just overreacting? Although he did look at you a lot Baekhyun seemed to teach the class as if everything was normal, more or less unaffected by your presence. He hadn’t seemed to mind your leaving either. Maybe he’d hadn’t planned to make you stay again. Maybe, it seemed, he was going to leave you be.

You knew Lucas would bother you about it if you didn’t sit with him again next time, but would you be okay to sit that close to the front again? Or even worse what if Lucas caught on that there was something going on between you and Baekhyun? He’d already seemed suspicious on the first day.

You decided your best course of action was to just do it and tough it out. All you needed to do was act like you did in all your other classes and everything would be fine right?

First however, you had to go home and face your roommate and tell her about this nightmare, having bottled it up until now. You weren’t exactly sure why you hadn’t told her right away. Maybe you felt strange about it since she had already told you you needed to keep him from getting any closer to you. Obviously that wasn’t going to be easy now.

As soon as you got home and put your things away you knocked on her door.

“YEAH?” You heard her yell through the door.

“Can I come in?”

“One second!”

A little while later the door opened.

“What’s up?”

“Can we have a girls night? I have some shit I need to tell you.”

You couldn’t remember the last time you saw Mia look so excited.

“You?? Have tea for ME??? Fuck yes!”

You thought about it, and this was pretty rare. 90% of the time she was the one unloading her boy problems on you, or any other kind of drama too for that matter. Not that you minded, that was just the dynamic you had gotten used to.

“Wanna order some food and put on a movie?” You asked.

“Sure.”

Your food eventually arrived and you put on a chick flick you’ve both seen a thousand times.

“So?? Are you gonna tell me what’s going on or what?” She asked turning to you, obviously looking forward to whatever you were about to fill her in on.

You sighed.

“So my philosophy professor this semester...” You swallowed, now having trouble getting yourself to say it.

“I know this sounds fucking insane but, Baekhyun’s my philosophy professor.”

The look on her face told you everything you need to know. The two of you had known each other for so long that words weren’t needed.

“I don’t know how it happened either. I signed up for the class forever ago anyway, before I even met him at the club. Just a bizarre coincidence. And he’s the only one teaching it and I need the credit to graduate so I'm stuck.”

“Shit dude.”

“Yeah I know. He kept me after class Monday and it was a fucking nightmare.”

“What did he say?”

“Basically just that I’m stuck with him. He also called me out for lying about what university I go to at work. And he said he liked me better ‘like this’ whatever the hell that means”

“He’s like obsessed with you isn’t he? He’s probably over the moon that he has a way into your personal life now which really fucking sucks for you.” She had a point. “Do you think he’ll still come see you at work?”

“I honestly really don’t wanna think about that right now.”

“Be careful, y/n. A customer having a crush on you is one thing but having him in charge of your grade is another. What if he starts trying to make moves on you and you shoot him down? He could fuck up your GPA just to get back at you or something.”

“No.” You responded, perhaps a bit too quickly. “No, Baekhyun isn’t like that. He’s not a bad guy, and I don’t think he’ll try anything anyway.”

“Really?”

“I’m not sure of course but he’s also a lot older than us and this is his job, I can’t see him risking his livelihood just for me.”

“He’s a college professor who’s giving you a thousand dollars a week, how does he even have that kind of money anyway? No way he gets paid enough as a professor to be giving you that much. He either has some other source of income or you’re already making him broke.”

You felt stupid for not having considered that yet. How the hell was he giving you so much? She was right, unless he was secretly rich or something there was no way he could afford to give you so much money every week without fucking himself over. Your stomach started to churn with the idea of him possibly even putting himself in debt just for your Saturday nights together. He couldn’t be that stupid right?

She could tell how much the conversation was stressing you out at that point.

“Listen,” she said, grabbing your hand “you just need to get through the semester. You can handle 16 weeks, class with him will get less awkward, and hopefully he’s at least smart enough not to come see you at work anymore now.”

The thought of him not coming anymore wasn’t a good one either though. You made much more money when he was there, and in under 2 hours. Staying at the club until 3am with school going on now, only to take home less money wasn’t really a good option either.

“I don’t wanna see him there but I need his money.”

“You’ll find some other guy who’s rich and in love with you soon enough, don’t worry, it’ll all be fine.” She said, pulling you in for a hug.

“Yeah..”

You knew she was just trying to make you feel better, but realistically you weren’t going to find another guy like Baekhyun at work, Even if someone came along who gave you as much money as he did, they wouldn’t be as fun to talk to, or as respectful as him. Guys like that just don’t come to strip clubs. You still didn’t even fully understand why he did.

“Just think of him as another one of your professors. It might be tough at first, but I think if you can do that you’ll be okay.” 

“You’re right, I just need to get my shit together and not let him distract me.” 

“See? Of course I’m right.” She grinned, and you couldn’t help but smile back. 

Eventually the movie ended, and by then it was late enough for the two of you to get ready for bed.

Talking to your best friend about it had made you feel slightly better. At least whatever happened, she would be there for you to talk it out with. Baekhyun wasn’t a bad person or anything either, it was just the situation that was stressing you out. As long as you could get ahold of yourself enough to focus on his lectures and do well in the class, you’d be fine. 

You kept reassuring yourself as you closed your eyes, and for the first night that week you didn’t stare at your ceiling for hours worrying, you went right to sleep.

Next Chapter

[starryse]

Hot & Cold

13 Days of SVT Christmas- Day 3

Jeonghan x Reader

Fluff, Christmas au, friends?enemies? to lovers au

2.2k

Snow was a given on Christmas, that, anyone knew. It wasn’t odd for inches of snow to cover the ground, and for the sky to be a bright white instead of its normal shades of blue. However, when it comes to Christmas plans, everyone seems to forget about the same snow they had been squealing about days prior.

You weren’t an exception.

Your breath fogged the window in front of you, the dew forming blurring the outside view. Groaning, you dropped your head down, forehead resting on the cold glass.

You didn’t mind staying cooped up inside when the roads were too dangerous to drive on, in fact, you loved it. It was a nice change of pace when you had to stay home; rather than having thousands of plans a day with only 24 hours to do them, your only option was to relax and work around the house. But when your roommate's annoying friend was also going to be snowed in with you, you couldn’t dread it anymore.

“Aww what’s wrong y/n? Hot date get canceled cause of the snow?”

You backed away from the window, a slight red mark left on your forehead. “Actually no, I’m just so excited to be stuck with you,” you scoffed.

Jeonghan’s smug smile grew, a dramatic sigh leaving his lips as he plopped onto the couch, “ah ditto, beautiful. I can’t wait to spend Christmas with you.”

“Please can you stop arguing for just 5 minutes? We’re snowed in for God knows how long, try and get along”

You and Jeonghan turned your heads towards the scruff voice belonging to your friend. His hand rubbed his creased forehead, eyes squinting shut. You sighed, nodding your head as you walked over to the male, “I’ll do my best, just keep your little devil in check and we’ll be fine”

Jeonghan cackled, leaning over the couch, white-sleeve cladded arms resting on the back, “does that mean you’re my angel?”

You groaned as you walked away from the smirking dark haired man on the couch, “Oh my God I’m going to my room”

“Can I join?!”

You flipped off the laughing male, quickly shutting your door right after.

The sun had begun to set, the snow just barely letting up from earlier. The sunset outside shown through the sheer curtains in your room, soft orange hues reflecting onto your walls. You had been in your room for a few hours, most of which were spent groaning and whining about the crazy amount of work you had to complete before next semester (which was in a week). The other good chunk of the time was you lounging on your bed, fingers mindlessly scrolling through your phone as you mentally prepared yourself to be in the presence of Jeonghan for what could be days.

Yours and Jeonghan’s relationship was a complicated one. Simple really to your shared close friends (which happened to be all of your friends), to them it was mere sexual tension, convinced you both had to big of egos to fuck one out. Meanwhile, to outsiders it may seem as if you truly hated one another, that the pure existence of each other was the bane of your lives. But for you, you didn’t know what it was. You didn’t hate Jeonghan, God no. You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t enjoy his remarks from time to time. And maybe you found him incredibly attractive. Also you 100% daydreamed about him more than you’d like to admit.

No. No no. He annoyed you. Constantly antagonizing everything you did, whether it was when you tripped over nothing and landed on a pile of Mingyu’s dogs shit, or when you were rejected by the waiter you had tried flirting with. Jeonghan always had some remark that made your blood boil.

But he was also the same guy who knew how hard you had studied for your exam, only for you to fail it, and proceed to comfort you and order you takeout. And there were all the times where Coups couldn’t come home and Jeonghan offered to stay with you (he knew how much you hated being alone at night.) He’s confusing. But then again you could only guess you were too.

“Hello my angel, dinners readyyy”

Jeonghan stood at your door, his body leaning against the frame. His dark hair casted over his eyebrows, hair parting to reveal his forehead and the small scar above his eyebrow (you may or may not have accidentally did that when you first met).

You rolled over from your previous position facing your window. Sitting up, you stretched your arms as you twisted your back. Jeonghan couldn’t help but shamelessly watch as your shirt clung to your skin as you moved, he was a simple guy. His eyes quickly darted up towards yours when you gazed over at him.

“Sooo why are you still standing there?”

Your question seemed to snap him out of his haze, his mouth stuttering out random words before he flipped you off and “ran” back out the door. That seems to be a common occurrence in the house. You snorted, standing up from your bed to go eat dinner.

“They say that the snow isn’t going to let up anytime soon. Don’t be surprised if we’re snowed in the next 2 days” Seungcheol leaned back on the couch, his elbow propped on the arm rest, head in his hand as he flipped through the Netflix shows.

You sat between the boys, feet propped on the coffee table in front of you,“can’t we watch a Christmas movie, Christmas is literally tomorrow?” Your answer was quickly given when Cheol kicked your legs off the table, causing them to fall onto the ground with a thud. You muttered a few curse words under your breath, bringing your legs up to sick criss cross on the couch.

Jeonghan laughed as he watched the two of you banter over something as little as a Christmas movie, though he wasn’t entirely surprised- you were both immensely stubborn.

Waiting for the perfect timing, Jeonghan slyly reached behind your back, grabbing the remote from the crack of the couch between you and Cheol. His eyes darted from the tv to you two as he sneakily flicked on a movie.

The sound of Christmas bells and people talking caught both yours and the pouty man on your lefts attention, your mouths shutting as you turned to the tv screen.

A loud screech erupted from your mouth, your legs quickly bouncing on the floor as you pointed a finger at the pouting man, “YES! In your face, Cheol! Christmas wins again!” Said man slunk down in his seat, half of his body towards the floor as he groaned in annoyance, “Jeonghan really? I thought you were on my side man”

Jeonghan merely laughed, his arm patting Seungcheol’s shoulder, “What can I say, I’m a sucker for Christmas movies,” his eyes drifted over at you, watching as yours lit up in delight as you watched the movie in front of you, “and maybe I like seeing others happy.”

Seungcheol only sighed, knowing fair well why the dark haired boy betrayed him. Oh how he had looked forward to being a third wheel.

It was close to midnight now, the first movie had been done for a few hours as the 3rd one ran. The small living room was lit up by the lights strung on the tree in the corner and the strands along the archway. You may have fallen asleep halfway during the 2nd movie, leaving just Coups as Jeonghan fell asleep in the beginning of the 3rd.

Seungcheol looked over towards your two huddled figures. You were stuck to Jeonghan’s side like glue, his arm drapes around your side, hand pressed against your hip. The blanket previously wrapped around you was now discarded on the floor, the only thing keeping you from freezing was whatever body heat Jeonghan was radiating without a blanket himself. The eldest sighed, muttering an idiots under his breath as he stood up, tossing the blanket over the two of you before switching off the tv and heading to bed.

“MERRRRYY CHRISTMAS!!”

You moaned, leaning your body away from the sound, stuffing your head into the closest thing next to you. The feeling of hair in your mouth caused you to spew, your eyes peeling open as you lifted your head. The view of Jeonghan’s head right next to yours made you gasp, your eyes widening in shock. You glared over at Seungcheol who stood in front of you with a smug grin, similar to the one the sleeping boy always wore, “Seungcheol. What am I doing?”

The boy tilted his head in mock confusion, “well it seems to me you’re sleeping with Jeonghan?” You scrambled up, grabbing the pillow next to you before wacking the manically laughing man as he ran to sit next to the tree. The sudden movement caused said boy to stir, his hands rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

You halted your movement, turning to look at Jeonghan who was now sitting half awake beside you on the couch.

“Merry Christmas”

You quickly answered back, a slight pink rising to your cheeks at his deeper than normal voice. God bless mornings.

Seungcheol clapped his hands, a grin etching across his face as he leaned his body over to grab one of the presents underneath the tree, “y/nnn, this ones for you!”

You smiled back, standing up from your seat, dropping the blanket on the floor in the process as you walked over to sit next to Cheol. You grabbed the present from him as he waved one of his hands at Jeonghan, the dark haired boy getting the hint as he tiredly walked over next to you. You waited for Seungcheols cue to open it, his head nodding. You greedily tore the wrapping paper off, the scraps falling onto the floor as well as Jeonghan’s legs that were sprawled in front of him. The boy looked at you, eyes squinting, “in a hurry much are we Y/n?”

You ignored his comment, instead gasping at the camera you’ve been wanting that sat in your hands. Your eyes widened, body immediately flinging into Coups’ already open arms, “you’re the bestest best friend ever, thank you Cheol.”

Seungcheol squeezed you one more time before you leaned back onto your knees in front of the tree. You passed one of the presents from you to Seungcheol, placing it in his hands that were held out flat in front of him. For a 25 y/o, he sure was giddy like a child when it came to presents.

The man cackled at the sight of the sushi boxers in front of him, the hidden meaning of the gift a fond memory, “thanks Y/n, I will cherish these beautes forever.” You smiled, patting his head. You sat back next to Jeonghan, waiting for more presents to be passed about.

Seungcheol smirked at the small, light blue wrapped present in the back of the tree, “ah, I almost forgot about this one. Y/n, this last one is yours”

You narrowed your eyes at the smug man, wondering why he was smirking at you because of a gift. Hesitantly grabbing the gift, you began slowly unwrapping it (much much slower compared to the first few presents you had torn open.) As you focused on the present, you didn’t notice the nervous man next to you, his fingers fiddling together as he gnawed on his bruising lip. He watched you through the hair that crowded his sight, cheeks the color of the lights that decorated the tree.

Your heart slowed at the now un-wrapped present, hands gently lifting the silver chain. You glanced up, eyes meeting Seungcheols. He shook his head, pointing a finger towards Jeonghan as he pretended to stretch his arms out. Your eyebrows furrowed, mouth forming a small O. You looked down at the necklace, fingers tracing the jeweled heart as you opened the locket. Your breath hitched at the engraved letters- a J for Jeonghan and your own first initial as well.

Jeonghan jumped at the sudden contact, his heart beating rapidly at the weight of your body against his. Snapping out of the shock, he softly wrapped his arms around you, his hand placed on the back of your neck as he pressed his cheek against the side of your head. He was on fire, maybe not literally, but he sure felt as if he were in flames.

You pulled back, hands gently cupping his cheeks, “why?”

Jeonghan smiled, and not the usual devilish smirk he did- no, this was different. Was it adoration? Happiness? “Because I'm maybe, possibly, 100%, for sure in love with you”

You melted at his words, a light laugh sounding before pressing your lips on his cheek, “Well maybe, possibly, 100%, for sure am I in love with you too”

The man's eyes lit up at that, a large grin spreading across his face. Pulling you back against him, he squeezed your body as he fell against the ground, a loud cheer leaving his mouth. Your laughs filled the air, a sound you were sure your neighbors could hear 2 doors down.

Seunghceol sighed at the sight, though a fond smile was hidden behind that, “let the 3rd wheeling begin.”

[nakunakunomi]

Henlo all! This is my extremely-close-to-the-deadline-submission for @some-piece​’s AU event. I got these 5 characters to chose from: Rebecca - Hachi - Hawkins - Zoro - Paulie. And after contemplating for a long while I decided to put Zoro in an animal shelter AU which automatically became modern AU setting as well as slight!college AU but the main focus will be on the shelter.

2nd person. Genderneutral reader. slight mentions of animal abuse, nothing too bad. 99% fluff!

“Can I help you?” 

A young man about your age had walked into the shelter where you worked. He had opened the door quite harshly, making the bell at the top ring, and making you put down the cat you had been brushing for a bit and put it back in its cage. You walked up to the little desk area at the front, where he was standing with his arms crossed, an unreadable expression on his face that only seemed to relax a bit when he heard you speak up. 

“Yeah I sent an e-mail, I needed to be here for the volunteer program?” 

You thought for a second, suddenly remembering that you had posted an ad at local universities and colleges to come volunteer at the shelter. Most of those students didn’t have the time to come volunteer, but you had gotten a handful of mails. Most of the students never showed up and the only one that had made an appointment for today had made the appointment for two hours earlier so you had just assumed it was going to be another no-show. 

“Oh… you’re…” “-Late I know, I got lost.” You furrowed your brow wondering how someone could get lost for two hours coming from a campus that was only a fifteen minute walk away, but didn’t pry any further, just happy to have some possible assistance.

“Okay! Well, I’ll go get the stuff in order then, you can wait out here for a bit.”

After you got the papers he handed you some form from the school as well and explained that he had to fill in a couple of hours a week with other things than his sports curriculum to get his degree to be complete, and he had jokingly added ‘how hard can it possibly be to look after a bunch of critters’. The statement in itself did not seem to be meant to discredit your work or the animals, but you already saw that he was vastly underestimating just how much effort went into your work. So as soon as all the papers were signed and in order, you could prove him wrong. 

“You’re in luck, all the cleaning is already done. It’s feeding time now, and I was doing a round of brushing today, so maybe you could help with that and if we still have time left we can take some dogs out for a walk.” 

The grin on his face was confident, and you were taking a little pleasure in knowing it would be wiped off his face in an instant. Your main focus was to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally harm the animals, and to make sure they were properly taken care of. But if it meant this overconfident jock got his ass handed to him, you’d take it. 

The day had proceeded as you had expected. Zoro, as he had introduced himself once you got over the formalities, had not been really good with the animals. He was strong, and a hard worker you had to give him that. But the animals… seemed to not really like him, even if he did do his best? Cats hissed, dogs barked, the one abandoned parrot you were temporarily housing had pecked him so hard his finger started bleeding. Luckily for you, he didn’t physically lash out at the animals, but you had heard a whole new array of curse words and insults that you previously didn’t even know existed. 

You had spent most of the day explaining all the things to him and helping him out whenever he was really struggling but most of the time you had actually been occupied with trying not to laugh too hard at his failing ministrations. 

“You have to be kind, try not to come across as so intimidating. You’re a big bad man that they are scared off, and they’re all just trying to defend themselves,”  you said as you petted a big fluffball of a cat while Zoro put fresh water and new food in its cage. The cat was now happily purring and nudging your hand with his head while a few minutes ago it had been aggressively hissing at your volunteer. 

Zoro just angrily grumbled in response, finishing up his task so you could put the cat back. You eyed the clock, noticing it was already time for him to leave for the day. “I’ll release you from your suffering then. See you next week?” “Wait but you still have all these cages to do?” “I’m used to doing this all by myself, no worries” He frowned, and he seemed to be deep in thought for a second. “I’ll stay until it is done.” You raised one brow: “are you sure? These hours won’t count towards your total and it is getting quite late.”

He only shrugged in response: “My roommate is gone and I don’t have much better to do. I am volunteering time anyway, what is one extra hour going to do?” 

You smiled widely. “Let’s get to it then!” 

Even though the animals didn’t seem to like him very much, you couldn’t help but admire this green-haired man and his incredible work ethic. He showed up late often, because even after a few weeks he still managed to get lost regularly. You had just started to say that he needed to be there an hour earlier than he actually had to be there, so with his geographical skills he’d be there on time or even a little early. 

Most of the animals still were not that much of a fan of him, but you’d worked out a nice system that ensured fast and efficient work, and as little scratches and bites as possible. You got work done faster, had more time for social media and such, and thus animals got adopted out faster. It was a win-win, and you noticed yourself always looking forward to the days he’d come to help. 

Zoro wasn’t really talkative, but would listen to your endless ramblings as you talked about the shelter, all the animals, but eventually also things about your life, your family, your home… he was an excellent listener, and his very blunt character made that he usually came up with very honest opinions and helpful solutions, even when he didn’t necessarily intend them like that. And sometimes, when you stumbled over your words cause you were too focused, or said something that didn’t make sense he would laugh. It was a deep and loud laugh, making his whole upper body shake, and lately whenever he laughed, it made your heart flutter a little. Another reason to look forward to his help, which had already exceeded the number of hours he had to do for his extra credit. 

But the semester was coming to an end and you very well knew that even though he seemed to be enjoying his time way more than he initially did, that he would not do extra time. He had his sport’s practices to focus on and his group of friends that frequently went on weekend trips and such, and he had been missing out on a lot of that because of the volunteering he did. You felt a little sad, but had made peace with it. Still, a little voice in the back of your head was nagging more and more often to ask him to meet outside of the shelter. But you didn’t want to seem weird or creepy. Besides. He was obviously a popular college student, finishing up his degree, with a big group of friends that obviously adored him, and model-grade gorgeous. You were just a high school dropout that managed to get a job in a local shelter of which the owner died only a little after you got settled. You were struggling to make ends meet, had little social life besides the animals. You kept telling yourself that the only reason you were feeling so strange whenever Zoro came out to help, was because he was the only one who had made you feel like your life and stories mattered even a little. But you could get used to being all alone in here again with the occasional customer or 1-day volunteer. It was what you were used to. You had already taken far too much advantage of this gorgeous man’s free time.

And then the last day of the semester came. You were finishing up the chores of the day with a heavy heart. You would have to say goodbye, and you would have to keep it professional, since you never worked up the courage to really deepen the connection the two of you had besides working together. Zoro seemed a little uneasy as well, but neither of you was going to bring up the tense atmosphere. Tense was still better than awkward so you rolled with it. 

“Well then”, you started as you put your broom away, “you’ve been an amazing help this semester.” You walked over to the front desk and handed him all the papers he’d need to get his credit in order. 

“You more than deserved these, too bad I can’t give you a grade.” He chuckled in response. “I wish I could say I would miss it a lot, but I think my arms are better off scratch-free” You laughed a little as well, but felt yourself dying on the inside. Of course he wouldn’t miss this place. Or you. 

He put the papers away in his bag, and you were staring at the desk, desperately making up sentences in your mind, of which you could utter maybe one, just one, to say what you were feeling and what you really wanted. But anything you came up with seemed so lame, so stupid, so hopeless, so desperate, and even though you felt like all of these things, that was not how you wanted to portray yourself in front of him for all people. 

He softly touched your arm, his hand warm, and you jumped at the sudden contact. He stepped back in surprise at your reaction. “Sorry”, he mumbled, “I just wanted to say that I didn’t mind my time here. You really helped me out well”. He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, clearly not too used to being soft in someone’s presence, and he smiled an adorable smile as he said those words, a mix of embarrassment and sincerity on his face. You felt like melting, and had to suppress the urge to just wrap your arms around him in a tight hug. With those broad shoulders and strong arms, you were quite sure that the hug he’d give back would be heavenly. But you didn’t, because again, that would be so strange with no indications beforehand that that was what you wanted. 

You nodded, a soft smile on your face as well. “You’re welcome. If you ever have some spare time and get bored, you know the way… or well, you don’t but you’ll find it.” He frowned a little at your remark, but the glint in his eyes betrayed that he found it quite amusing too. He picked up his bag, and opened the door. “Bye then?” “Goodbye Zoro”

A box of kittens. You had nearly tripped over them when you left the shelter to go home for the day. The box was in front of the door and weak, tiny mewls already betrayed its content as you did your utmost best to regain your balance. You kneeled down next to it, carefully opened up the top. Four little kittens, way too young to be away from the mother yet. Already emotional from the happenings of the day you felt tears well up in your eyes. You picked up the box and placed it inside, immediately grabbing whatever supplies you could find to keep the kittens warm, furiously wiping at your eyes in order to clear the tears before they could stream down your cheeks. Things like this could make you so furious. And oh, if only Zoro was still here to calm you down and help out a little. 

You had to take a few deep breaths and gather your thoughts. You had to get out, running for some kitten milk. These babies needed their nutrients and you’d probably spend the night in the shelter making sure they were fed whenever they needed it, keeping an eye on them. So you’d have to go get an overnight bag. But that would mean you would be away from them for a considerable time. You decided that the food was the most important part and literally sprinted to the most nearby pet store, mentally reminding yourself to book an appointment at the vet asap when you were back. 

Sunken deep in thoughts, you weren’t seeing where you were walking, running straight into someone, stumbling and falling on your back in the process. Great. That was what you needed. Some public humiliation while you were already at the verge of a little breakdown. You started to mumble a string of incoherent apologies when you looked up at a surprisingly familiar figure. “y/n?” “Zoro? What are you doing here?” “The apartment I live in is right here. What are you doing here?” He pointed upward at an apartment building and offered you his hand to get up. You grabbed it, and for a split second you wondered how he could possibly take up to two hours to get to the shelter from his apartment that was even closer to the shelter than his college campus was. But then you were back on your feet and you remembered the kittens. Your mind immediately regained some focus again. “Kittens” “What?” “Someone dropped a box of newborn kittens at the door. They will die without supervision, milk and warmth. So I'm getting some food for them and I’ll be staying the night with them to keep an eye on them” You managed to get all things out in one breath, almost turning to start walking again. No matter how much more time you actually wanted to spend in his presence, you knew it was a race against the clock to help the little babies, and those were your top priority right now. 

Zoro’s eyes grew wide. No matter how much he didn’t always connect with some of your furry friends that he had to take care of, he too was filled with rage when he had heard tales of people mishandling them and the reason why some were so scared and defensive when he was too loud or too brisk. You apologized again, explaining that you really had to go, that time was of the essence, and started walking. You were surprised to notice Zoro walking with you. 

“I’ll come with you.”  “What?”  “I’ll come with you. You need food too. And probably some blankets or something for the night right? You need some rest if you are going to take care of everything we usually do and then the new kittens on top of that. I’ll help” 

It was not a question, not even an offer. More a matter-of-a-fact-statement and even though every polite fiber in your being was telling you to follow etiquette and politely tell him that that was absolutely not necessary, you couldn’t push away the overwhelming relief and admiration you felt for this man in that moment and you accepted his help immediately.

You were back at the shelter in a matter of minutes, basic supplies for the kittens in hand, and the vet already on the phone as you followed their instructions on how to take care of them overnight, so you could bring them in for checkup and more detailed advice first thing in the morning. Knowing that Zoro would come and help you out, had done wonders for your mood, your resolve and your nerves. You felt more steady, like you could actually pull this off without neglecting either the kittens or any of the other animals that also needed your attention. 

Zoro had promised to go get some things to make the night at the shelter a little more comfortable and something for you to eat, because he figured you probably were starving at that point. And while you had not eaten yet, the adrenaline made you not feel the hunger. Now that things were calming down and the adrenaline was wearing off, you could feel your stomach grumble and you were mentally thanking your green-haired hero for his considerate streak. He had literally no obligation to help you out in any way. He was no longer officially volunteering. He had nothing to gain. He was probably on his ways to get a couple of beers and blissfully pass out after an evening of fun with his roommates. But he had seen you in distress and decided to help, and it had warmed your heart and given you renewed energy. 

The kittens were left to sleep a little after you had given all the first help that you could under the phone-guidance of the local vet clinic, and now you were nervously waiting on the couch for Zoro to return. You were nervous cause of the kittens, but you also caught yourself being a little nervous about the fact that he’d be keeping you company for the night. Not that you were seeing this as a date of any kind, but just the mere idea gave you the shivers in a nervous kind of way. 

He arrived only a little after you sat down, bag with a big blanket and some drinks in one hand, and another one holding a steaming bag of takeaway food. “I’m sorry it took me so long, I got -” “lost” you chuckled, “no worries, I got the first things taken care off” 

You patted the spot next to you on the couch. “Sit down, thank you for getting food. And thank you for helping out… I… I think I might have had a little breakdown if it wasn’t for your presence” He shrugged off the praise. “I am already used to helping out here, and besides, I kind of liked spending time with you, so a little extra won’t hurt”. 

He said those words so easily, you wanted to smack him for how casual he was about it,  and how bluntly and honestly he expressed his feelings, while you shared the same feelings but didn’t dare utter a single word. You grabbed the food instead and the blanket, sitting down so you could both sit down comfortably, keep an eye on the kittens and eat without too many problems. He got the hint, and made himself more comfortable on the couch as well.

The evening flew by. You had food, checked up on the kittens regularly per the vet’s instructions, and since there were no other chores to do, you could actually have some proper talks with Zoro. He was still not really as talkative, but he answered your questions, told you some more details about his life that he had not mentioned before. You could almost physically feel yourself growing more and more attracted to him, and nearly felt guilty about it. 

Despite all the adrenaline wearing you off and making you tired, you stayed up a remarkably long time, Zoro’s company and the kittens keeping you awake for longer than you had expected to stay up. But now it was nearing 4am and you were feeling your eyelids grow heavy. You were telling Zoro something about why you dropped out of high school, but you kept losing track of your own sentences. You had to think long and hard before repeating the few words you had already said. The playful smirk that was present on his face as you were struggling to find cohesion in your story didn’t help either. He thought it incredibly endearing, and when your eyes finally shut without opening again, and a soft snore could be heard, he very carefully moved you a bit so you would lay more comfortably. He crossed his arms and legs and leaned back in order to get some shuteye as well. 

You woke up to your alarm, that you had set up to go off every few hours, just so you could check up on the kittens and go through all the steps again. Your eyes and whole body felt heavy and it was harder to get up than expected. Not only because you were incredibly tired still, but also because a muscled arm was snugly resting around your midsection. You were sure you had fallen asleep on one end of the couch, but for some reason, you were leaning on Zoro, and he had wrapped an arm around you to secure you and make sure you didn’t slip off the couch. 

Your heart skipped a beat and you got up rather briskly. Of course, the sudden movement made Zoro wake up as well, and he seemed just as embarrassed as you were about the slightly compromising positions you had been napping in. You quickly cleared your throat, muttering ‘kittens’ before standing up, checking up on the babies and going through the motions. Without having to say anything, Zoro got up and started the morning chores already. It was way too early for those, but before you could protest he said that he’d get them started as long as you were working on the kittens, so you both could have a little more rest before your planned vet visit. You gave him a grateful smile. 

When the work was done, you called Zoro back, and you both sat down on the couch again. He seemed incredibly relaxed, almost as if he had forgotten that you were practically cuddling a little while ago, the mere thought of the sensation of his strong arm holding you making your heart race again. You shifted positions seven times in the span of three minutes and you could feel him staring at you, one brow raised in confusion at your almost yoga-like contortions you were trying in order to get comfortable. 

“Are you okay y/n?” 

“Yeah...I...I just… I don’t know how I could ever thank you properly” “Well… I already got my credit. But your head resting on my chest was kind of nice. Maybe a goodnight kiss before we go to sleep again for a little while?” He sounded casual, but he was avoiding eye-contact, regretting the words as they left his mouth. Your eyes grew so big they were about to pop up out of your sockets. “I mean, if you don’t mind if not… I…” Now it was his turn to get flustered, the little bit of smooth talk he had had earlier completely gone as the inner panic set in of maybe misunderstanding your previous actions, glances, words, and ministrations. 

You gathered up all your courage, and gave him a soft peck on the lips, seeing his eyes widen in surprise and the tips of his ears turn red before you rested your head on his broad chest. “You know for that payment, I’m willing to hire you as a full time worker here.” you hummed contently. He let out a few confused grunts, surprised by your bout of confidence, not seeing that you were trying to hide the insane embarrassment on your face. Face red, he managed to utter just one response before you drifted off into sleep again. “I’m gonna need a little more payment than just that. But well, I’ll consider it” 

fin. 

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated

Chapter 1

When Jiang Cheng opens the window in the morning, crisp, cold air hits his face. The leaves on the tree in the courtyard of the apartment complex are turning colours.

When did that happen? When did summer end?

It’s a new semester, a new season, and Wei Wuxian still hasn’t returned. Hasn’t called, hasn’t messaged. Jiang Cheng had thought… had hoped…

He should’ve known better.

The wind picks up and raises goosebumps on his skin. A leaf, dark red, is torn from a branch and flutters through the air.

He used to like autumn.

Jiang Yanli was spring, Wei Wuxian was summer, Jiang Cheng was autumn. Winter was them together, because it was cold and they had to stick close.

Jiang Cheng scoffs and closes the window. There’s no use in remembering or hoping. He has work to do anyway.

He makes himself an unsatisfying breakfast that consists of instant coffee and - oh, there isn’t really anything else. Of course the fridge is fucking empty.

He goes jogging, but he’s hungry and it’s cold and he hates jogging.

He takes a shower, but the water is either too hot or too cold.

When he sits down at his desk and opens his writing program, it doesn’t fucking work. Because of course not.

Error #234871FUCKYOUJIANGCHENG

“I don’t even know what that means, I’m not a fucking COMPUTER SCIENTIST!”

Like some people. Some people, who betrayed and abandoned him and moved in with some random-ass people to look after a random-ass child for no good reason and left him all alone. Now he has no one to share his meals with, so there’s no point in making sure his fridge is full, and no one who also hates jogging, so they can suffer together, and no one to fucking help him with fucking computer issues and this is all fucking bullshit.

Jiang Cheng slams his laptop shut.

Fuck you, Wei Wuxian. This is all your fault.

Another headache creeps up his temples. He’s already completely done with this day. At 9:37 AM. Fuck. He has a fucking essay to write about some bullshit topic he doesn’t care about, but how is he supposed to do that when his laptop hates him as much as everyone else does and his head feels as though it’s splitting apart?

His phone rings, and the sound feels like someone is applying a power drill to his brain. And of course it’s not on his desk but far away on the counter. Because nothing in his life can ever be easy or convenient, oh no. He stretches his arm and then his whole upper body to try to grab it from the counter without having to get up from his desk and then there’s a TWINGE and oh no, that’s not good. His shoulder feels as though it’s on fire and… yep, he can’t fucking move his head.

FUCK. FUCKING FUCK SHIT BALLS CRAP FUCK SHIT. FUUUUUUUUCK.

And his phone keeps ringing.

Everyone ignores him for DAYS but NOW when he’s literally DYING and can’t reach his phone, they want to talk to him.

He gets up, ignores the pain shooting down his right arm, carefully shuffles towards the counter, and answers the phone with his left hand.

“WHAT?”

“A-Cheng?”

It’s his sister. Jiang Cheng’s stress levels automatically lower by about 13% as soon as he hears her voice.

“Jiejie, hey. Sorry, I just…” He switches his phone to the other hand and then gets a painful reminder that this side is fucked. “Fuck, ow.”

“A-Cheng? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing! I just... pulled a muscle or something.” He sits down again and bites his lip to suppress a wail of agony. “Why did you call, Jiejie?”

He can basically hear Jiang Yanli’s gentle, slightly concerned, smile through the phone. “Ah, then I’m calling just at the right time. You’ve been struggling with tension for a while now and as you know, your birthday is coming up and -”

“Don’t remind me. That’s still over a month away. And I’m not struggling!”

“- and I have the perfect gift for you. You don’t have to wait until November to do it either. And I think it would be so good for you, A-Cheng, especially now with your pulled muscle.”

“And what exactly is ‘it’?”

“Do you remember Lan Xichen? He’s a friend of Nie Mingjue, and his uncle is Lan Qiren. I think we met him a few times during one of those large business-people dinners we used to get invited to, when father…”

Was still alive.

“I don’t remember anyone I met there, because I was bored out of my mind.” Because Wei Wuxian wasn’t invited to those. And because they were fucking boring. “What does this have to do with my mysterious birthday present anyway?”

“Ah, well, it turns out he works as a physical therapist and I guess you could call him a sort of life coach. Massages, yoga, meditation, physical therapy. He has his own little studio in his apartment, so it’s very private and intimate, and he spends a lot of time with every client, it’s not just a twenty minute massage and then you’re done.”

His sister speaks with rare urgency and Jiang Cheng feels a little bewildered by having this just thrown at him. “So, you want me to-”

“I met him recently, such a lovely man, and asked him whether he had time to take on another client, and he does! So I booked you ten sessions and the first one is Thursday, 5 p.m. We were going to meet that afternoon, so I know you have time, and we can just reschedule our meeting!”

“Jiejie! Ten sessions… I don’t… I’m not a massage person! I don’t want some stranger touching me!” This is all really very sudden, so of course his first instinct is to say no.

His sister, of course, is used to that, and expected it. So she laughs softly and continues convincing him. “Ah, but he’s not a stranger, he’s Nie Mingjue’s best friend and as I said, I met him recently - he’s very kind and sweet and he doesn’t just do massages. I’m sure he’ll be willing to listen to what you’re comfortable with and figure out what’s best for you. A-Cheng, why don’t you just go to the first meeting and see what happens, hm? It’s my present for you.”

As if he could ever actually say no to his sister. Nobody can.

“Alright, alright. But if it’s not my thing, you’ll use the rest of the sessions, okay? I could watch A-Ling while you go get pampered a little.” His sister deserves this much more than he does anyway. Not that she would agree with that.

“Just go and meet with Lan Xichen first, before deciding that it’s not for you.” She’s using her stern voice, oh no.

“I will! I’m just saying!”

“Alright. Let me know how it goes then.”

“I will.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

“Good. Remember to drink tea or water, too, not just coffee.”

“Yes, Jiejie.”

“And-”

“I’ll call you after I’ve met with Lan Xichen,” Jiang Cheng interrupts, before she can shower him with even more care. “And thank you. I… could probably use some… relaxation.”

“Great! I’ll text you the address in a bit.”

They chat a bit more about A-Ling and what shenanigans he gets up to now that he can walk, and when Jiang Cheng ends the call a while later, his mood has significantly improved.

His phone makes a noise again. He looks at the screen, expecting a text from his sister with Lan Xichen’s address, but... Fuck. He unlocks the screen and stares at his daily Wei Wuxian selfie. Today he’s wearing a bathrobe so fluffy, it seems to swallow him, and he’s making… duck lips. Jiang Cheng’s mood plummets to the ground.

Why can’t he delete this stupid alarm or app or whatever his brother has infested his phone with? Why doesn’t he just change his fucking number, get a new phone? Why does Wei Wuxian keep up this nonsense, even though he’s obviously not interested in being in contact with Jiang Cheng anymore? Why torment him with these little glimpses into a life that he lives without his brother? The selfies don’t arrive at a set time every day and it’s a new one every time, so it’s pretty safe to say, Wei Wuxian takes them and sends them himself every day. They used to arrive between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m., but recently he sometimes gets them as early as 9 a.m. On one shocking occasion it was 6:45 a.m., though Wei Wuxian did look very sleepy. Since when does Wei Wuxian get up that early?

He also seems to be spending a lot of time at a place that is not the flat he moved into with the Wens. Not that Jiang Cheng spends a lot of time analyzing the background of the pictures. Because he does not care what Wei Wuxian gets up to. Wei Wuxian does not care about him anymore either, beyond annoying him like this.

Jiang Cheng shakes his head to make his brain stop thinking about useless things. Immediately, pain shoots down his arm, burns in his neck.

Fuck.

Maybe he should just go back to bed. Clearly getting up was a mistake.

Thursday

Lan Xichen lives on the outskirts of the city. Not quite the suburbs, but in one of those areas where rich people enjoy having a garden, or at least a balcony, and less busy streets, while the city centre is still only a few subway stops away. The kind of area where his own family once lived.

Jiang Cheng checks the house number again and rushes towards the building, wrapping his jacket closer around him. It is colder now, he’s known this and yet didn’t take that into account when getting dressed.

He enters the building, takes the elevator to the 2nd floor, finds the right door and rings the doorbell.

He doesn’t have to wait long until Lan Xichen opens him.

Oh.

“A-Sang… who… who is that next to your brother?”

“Huh? Aaah, that’s Lan Xichen. Da-ge’s best friend. Why do you ask?”

“No reason!”

“Oooooh, I see.”

“Shut up!”

“Well, now I finally know your type, Cheng-Cheng. You’re into impossibly beautiful people who you’re too scared to talk to.”

“I said shut up! I just asked who it was!”

“First Wen Qing, now Xichen-ge… But don’t worry, he’s super nice. Now, his brother on the other hand… So hot, but-“

“I’m leaving!”

Fuck.

“Hello! You must be Jiang Wanyin.”

Lan Xichen smiles at him and yep, yep, Huaisang was right, impossibly beautiful. Fuck.

Oh shit, he still hasn’t said anything.

“Ah yes, that’s me. Hello. Nice to meet you.” Jiang Cheng couldn’t be more awkward if he tried. Except he can, because then he bows, way too low.

Lan Xichen seems to be too polite to laugh at him, but his eyes sparkle as though he wants to, while he invites Jiang Cheng inside.

The apartment is large and bright and… full of plants. Lan Xichen leads him into the living room, where a pot of tea and two mugs are waiting for them on the coffee table. Jiang Cheng sits down on a very comfortable chair, next to a large houseplant with beautiful green and red leaves. All in all, the surroundings help him feel way more relaxed than what would be appropriate for the situation. The situation being: Sitting across from the man Jiang Cheng has seen maybe three times, back when he was 17, from afar, and whom he used to spend quite some time thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. More than three times. The same man who is supposed to give him a massage.

“Is tea alright? Would you prefer something else?”

“Tea is lovely, thank you.” Jiang Cheng hurries to take a sip and hopefully smiles instead of grimacing.

Lan Xichen picks up a notebook and a pen, rests it on his legs, then takes a deep breath. Despite his gentle smile, and the soothing smell of jasmine tea, and the literal urban jungle he’s sitting in, Jiang Cheng thinks he can pick up a hint of nervousness from Lan Xichen. But no, he must be imagining it.

Lan Xichen opens his notebook and looks at Jiang Cheng. “So, your sister already told me that you’ve been dealing with a little tension and stress. If you’re comfortable with it, I would like to ask you a few questions and make myself an overview of where you hold your tension and how it affects you, so we can think about how to best help you.”

Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods.

“This is only a preliminary meeting, so I already know how to best proceed, once we start our sessions.”

Lan Xichen asks him a few questions about his daily schedule (repetitive), whether he does any exercise (yes, well, sort of, sometimes), is he sleeping well (eeh), does he often have headaches (yes), and so on. Jiang Cheng answers as best as he can, and even though Lan Xichen shows no judgment at all, it is mortifying for him. His life is a mess and clearly he’s responsible for all of it. Why doesn’t he do more exercise? If he has headaches all the time, he should be doing something about that!

“Mhm, have you ever tried Yoga before?”

“No.”

“Can you touch your toes?”

“I don’t know? Why would I need to touch my toes?!” Jiang Cheng regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth but Lan Xichen only looks amused.

“Excellent question.” Lan Xichen puts the notepad he’s been using back down on the table and stands up. “Would it be okay if I touch your neck and shoulders to have a closer look at your tension?”

“Yes, yes. That’s alright. Sure.” Jiang Cheng puts down the mug and rests his hands on his knees, trying to project that he’s totally casual and relaxed and that he never spent even a minute wondering how those hands might feel on his skin. Why do these things happen to him? Why can’t he even nurse a schoolboy crush for a few months and then forget about it without suffering consequences???

Lan Xichen’s hands are warm, but not too warm. Perfect temperature for being touched, really. His fingers are long and smooth and it feels really good, the way they’re digging into his muscles and-

“Fuck!”

“Sorry. Looks like I found a sore spot.” Lan Xichen strokes his fingers in a soothing apology over the spot and that’s almost worse, because it feels really good.

“I, uhm, apologise for the… rude language.”

“Oh, haha, I’ve heard worse from clients. No need to hold back, I’m of the opinion that it can be beneficial to find release.”

“Right.” This is like one of Jiang Cheng’s dreams that starts out beautiful and turns into a horrible nightmare halfway through. Will he make it through this without horribly embarrassing himself even further and/or offending Lan Xichen in the process?

“You’re really... “ Lan Xichen runs his hands up Jiang Cheng’s neck and slightly presses his thumbs into a spot between his ear and his jaw. Jiang Cheng groans. “You’re very tense. In a lot of places. Do you grind your teeth at night? Or clench them?”

“Maybe?”

Lan Xichen rests his hands on Jiang Cheng’s shoulders for a second, then sits down opposite of him again. Jiang Cheng immediately misses the warmth of his hands, which is ridiculous and he needs to get a grip.

“Alright, well, I think for the beginning we will be focusing on relaxing and loosening your muscles. So, massage, thermotherapy, some gentle stretches. I’ll also help you find things you can do at home to destress and relieve tension. Does that sound good?”

“Uhm, yes. It does.” Jiang Cheng kind of tuned out after Lan Xichen said ‘massage’, because… He has this dreadful feeling his schoolboy crush never went away and instead just laid dormant until right now. Which is so fucking inconvenient, of course it’s happening to Jiang Cheng. “Thank you, Lan-ge… uhm… Lan Xichen.”

How should he address him? Apparently, he’s sort of a family friend (Where and why did Jiejie even meet him? Why didn’t he ask?) but now he’s also taking care of Jiang Cheng in a professional, sort of medical sense...

Lan Xichen is, of course, not oblivious to his discomfort, but smiles and pours him some more tea. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. Laoshi is fine, too.”

Lan Xichen then goes through a few formalities with him. He informs him he’s being paid per session, not by the hour, so they’ll never have to hurry. They exchange phone numbers, in case someone needs to reschedule or Lan Xichen wants to send him some exercises or something. Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods and agrees. When Lan Xichen proposes they have the first session tomorrow afternoon, Jiang Cheng smiles and nods, too.

After, Lan Xichen escorts him to the door, wishes him a lovely evening, says he’s looking forward to their sessions and Jiang Cheng should remember to wear something comfortable. When he smiles again, Jiang Cheng almost walks into the door.

As soon as Jiang Cheng arrives home, he calls his sister.

“A-Cheng! How was it?”

“Uhm, fine, but that’s not why-”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“I… what? Why… why would you bring that up?” Jiang Cheng gives his phone a side-eye, even though his sister can’t see it.

“Well, it’s impossible to not notice. And he has such a lovely personality, too.” Jiang Yanli says this as casually as though she’s talking about the weather.

“Yes… I guess.” While both of those things are true, it’s unlike his sister to bring it up. Or at least, to bring it up so quickly and directly. “Jiejie, how do you know Lan Xichen again? Where did you meet?”

“Oh… he came over for tea recently.”

“And why did he do that?”

“Because I invited him.”

Well, his sister clearly is keeping something from him, something connected to his old-new crush and physical therapist and Jiang Cheng hates not being in the know when other people are clearly keeping secrets from him.

“How did you meet him? Why did you invite him? Why do you not want to tell me?”

“A-Cheng…”

Oh, of course. “Wei Wuxian.”

Jiang Yanli sighs audibly, probably frowning in the way she always does when they skirt around the topic of him and Wei Wuxian not talking. “Yes. Lan Xichen is-”

“I don’t want to know!” Of course this has something to do with Wei Wuxian. Because he can’t have anything in his life without Wei Wuxian. Are they… they’re not dating or anything, right? That would just be… actually that would be fucking typical.

“Jiang Cheng!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Is his sister… getting cross with him???

“I just… he misses you.”

“Yeah? I don’t see any evidence of that!” His headache is back with a vengeance.

“Because you’re not looking. Because you’ve convinced yourself he doesn’t!” It’s rare for Jiang Yanli to raise her voice, and compared to Jiang Cheng, she still sounds gentle. But he can hear her frustration, hear how tiring this is for her, and… He sometimes forgets he and Wei Wuxian aren’t the only people who are involved in this. Who suffer.

“Then why doesn’t he call me? He obviously still has my number!”

“Why don’t you call him?”

Because he doesn’t want to call someone who doesn’t want him. Because he doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to come back because he feels pity or obligation. Because he’s scared Wei Wuxian would still not come back.

“He’s the one who left.”

“It’s been over a year. Can’t you… I’m so tired of holding louder than normal conversations with my husband in the kitchen while one of you is in the living room, so you know the other is okay without actually asking for it.”

“A-jie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I… It’s just… “ Great, now Jiang Cheng feels mad at Wei Wuxian, guilty for upsetting his sister, who should never be upset, and sad… because he misses his stupid brother, doesn’t he.

“I can’t force either of you to make the first step, but… you’re both suffering. A-Cheng, I just want you both to be happy.” Now she just sounds resigned. Fuck.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll think about it. I promise.” If only because his sister deserves better than this - being stuck in the middle between them.

“Thank you. I love you, A-Cheng.”

“… Love you, too.”

“Now, tell me about your meeting today. Did you already get a massage?”

Right. Lan Xichen. “Jiejie… is Wei Wuxian dating Lan Xichen?”

Jiang Yanli laughs. “No. No, no. He’s dating his brother. Don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying! Just… wanted to know how you met.”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“Stop asking that! That’s not why I… you know what, I have to go. I have… university… stuff. Talk to you later!”

“Bye!”

He can hear his sister still laughing when he ends the call. Mortifying. Why did he have to ask?

Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen’s brother… That’s… Why is the world so fucking tiny? He couldn’t have picked anyone else?

Not that it matters. It’s not like Jiang Cheng was ever gonna do anything about… Lan Xichen is attractive and nice and lovely, which is simply a fact. Like his sister said, it’s impossible to not notice. Doesn’t have to mean anything. Jiang Cheng will only concentrate on… being less tense and maybe having fewer headaches.

And maybe… thinking… about… contacting Wei Wuxian…

“He misses you.”

Jiang Cheng is not convinced.

But…

[bssaz97]

Rowan’s Trip To Beacon (...Sorta) #2

-Beacon Academy (Volume 2 Time)-

Rowan: So do you all believe me when I say that I’m Ruby and Jaune’s future son?

Ren: Well given how you have been able to back up all of your claims, I don’t see any reason why we shouldn’t trust you.

Weiss: I’ll have to agree. Despite the complexity of it all...what you’ve said so far is true.

Rowan: Great! Now could we go see Headmistress Goodwitch?

Blake: Actually that’s something I want to ask you about. Why do you want to speak to Goodwitch of all people? Wouldn’t you want to speak to Headmaster Ozpin?

Rowan: Yeeeeeaaaah no. I don’t personally have anything against the headmaster but he may try to, well, interrogate me.

Yang: ....And you think Goodwitch won’t?

Rowan: Don’t worry it’ll be fine. I know Miss Goodwitch, she’s one of the nicest people out there. *innocently smiles*

RWBYJNPR: .....

Nora: Are you sure about that?

Rowan: Yep. In fact here she comes right now. *points behind them*

The two teams look behind them and to their horror they do in fact see Professor Goodwitch walking straight towards them. Her expression was anything but welcoming though.

Rowan: Welp. We should probably go see if we can talk to her- Whoa!

Yang grabs the young boy and throws him into a bush hedge to avoid detection from the absolute livid Headmistress. She wasn’t sure why she did that, perhaps it was her familial instinct kicking in. Also they would have an easier time explaining ‘how their leaders destroyed the courtyard’ instead of ‘how their leaders destroyed the courtyard AND transported their future son to the present.’ It felt weird to think how Ruby managed to get married and have children before her, was SHE even married in Rowan’s time? Questions for later, right now they had to face the “Wicked Witch of Beacon”.

Glynda: *stops in front of them* Mr. Arc and Miss Rose, why am I not surprised by the fact that both of your teams are present at the scene of disaster?Perhaps you could care to explain what transpired in the time between now and the sound of a Bomb exploding the main courtyard! *She exclaimed irritably*

Ruby: Um...w-well...you see...w-what happened was-*figets under Goodwitch’s gaze*

Jaune: It’s my fault Professor! I was showing Ruby an experiment that I made in Dust Studies but it got out of hand. I’m really sorry!

Ruby: Wha-? Jaune what are you doing?! *whispers*

Jaune: Do you really want Goodwitch to know you snuck a possible bomb to Beacon? *whispers*

Ruby: No but I don’t want you to take all the blame! *whispers*

Jaune: Just trying to be a good friend. *whispers*

Goodwitch: You students should know, whispering is more effective when the person you are whispering about can’t hear you. *leans in*

Ruby/Jaune: .....crud.

WBYNPR: *facepalm*

Glynda: Well then, since Mr. Arc admitted to both of your involvement in all of this, I believe it’s only fair that you share in the consequences as well Miss Rose. Your honesty is much appreciated Mr. Arc.

Ruby: Yeah. Thanks Jaune. *sarcastically*

Jaune: Sorry. *hangs head*

Glynda: Now about your punishment. I believe since this is all your doing, you two will spend the remainder of this semester in detention. Along with this, you will have to write ten thousand word essay on the dangers of Dust misusage and why students should not think of it as toys. The essay shall be hand written, work cited by the library, and then turned into me personally during my office hours before the end of the month. Also this will be apart of both of your grades in my class. Am I to be understood?

Ruby/Jaune: Yes mam...

Glynda: Good. Now then you both should get started soon, as there are only two weeks left in the-

Rowan: Hello! *popping from out of the bushes*

Glynda: Good Gods! I mean-‘cough’ Can I help you?

Rowan: Actually you can. You see I was taking a tour with my dad who works as a janitor here but I lost track of him. Could you help me call him for me please? *takes out his scroll with his best innocent face*

Glynda: ...I suppose I don’t see any harm in it. Although I should let you know that your father will have a stern talking with me about leaving children unattended at this school. Also that taking ‘tours’ without my or the Headmaster’s consent is highly frowned upon.

Goodwitch takes Rowan’s scroll, when she takes a look at the device she gains a confused face.

Glynda: Strange... I wasn’t made aware that they were making new models for Scrolls.

Rowan: Actually this a prototype I won in a contest. I’m supposed to be beta testing this one before they announce the new models later on.

Glynda: Oh I see. *nods* Although could you tell me how to select the Call function, this new design is very... foreign to me.

Rowan: Sure thing. *Gets it front of her and puts on some shades* Just hold down that red icon and let go after three seconds.

Glynda: Thank you. You’re quite a polite young man if I do say so-

*FLASH! (Neuralizer Sound FX)*

Both teams saw that a bright light flashed in Professor Goodwitch’s face, and now she had a blank expression on her face. Rowan then takes off his shades to pockets them and then gently takes the scroll from her grasp.

Rowan: Boy that was crazy Miss Goodwitch! We just got done doing a late class experiment outside in the courtyard but things sorta got out of control when a fault box of SDC Dust was sent to the school. Luckily nobody was hurt so that’s a plus... but not so much for the courtyard. Although you’re just happy nobody was hurt and remember I’m a visiting student that won a contest to tour the school for the weekend and teams RWBY and JNPR are assigned to look after me. Also there’s no homework or for the weekend.

Glynda: *blinks* ....oh. Yes of course the contest I do recall. I apologize you had to experience that Rowan, our dust shipments are usually more careful about this. Mr. Arc, Miss Rose could you please escort this young man back to the dormitories, I believe we’ve had enough excitement for today.

Ruby: .....Uh ok? *looks confusedly at Goodwitch*

Jaune: Yeah Rowan...let’s get back to the dorms. *starts walking back towards the campus*

Weiss: Wait a minute. What about their essay?

Glynda: Essay? Miss Schnee, I understand your desire for academic success but I have not assigned any homework for this weekend. You all should take time to make preparation for the Vtyal Festival coming up instead of focusing so much on your grades. *she chastised*

Yang: Yeah Weiss-cream let’s back to the dorm so we can get ready for the weekend! *places her hand on Weiss’ mouth and pushes her forward*

Weiss: Mmphf!

-Team RWBY’s Dorm-

Ruby: What the heck did you do to Miss Goodwitch?!

Yang: Yeah one second she’s turning Rubes and Vomit Boy’s into chop liver and the next she leaves them off scot-free?

Weiss: Now she believes your some tourist at the school.

Rowan: Yeah I kinda figured you all wanted an explanation for that. Well to put it simply, I erased a portion of her memory.

Blake: You erased her memory?!

Rowan: Not all of it... just the last 25 minutes to be exact. More than enough time to cover over the incident that Mom and Dad caused and give her a new one to fill in the gap. So now Goodwitch is not mad at you guys, Mom and Dad don’t have write an essay and I can roam around without a second thought.

Weiss: .....you know I’m actually starting to believe that you have spent time with my brother.

Rowan: Ok to be fair it was Mr. Whitley’s idea to add the neuralyzer to my scroll. I didn’t consent or anything, just said if I was ever in a fix to use it sparingly. Plus I only can use it three times to per day otherwise it has to recharge.

Pyrrha: And you’re completely ok with erasing a poor woman’s memory?

Rowan: Not really, I try to avoid using it if I can but I kinda wanted to help Mom and Dad out of a tough situation. But you don’t have worry about that, she’ll be fine. The neuralyzer doesn’t cause any lasting damage..... I think.

RWBYJNPR: .....

Rowan: But in any case, I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future, or at least until someone from my time tethers me back. So in the meantime we should probably spend some time to relax and hang out. *lays down on Weiss’ bed*

Yang: I’m starting to like this kid.

Jaune: But before we do anything, there’s something we should probably establish before we have you go walking around. First, you should keep the part about being our kid a secret.

Rowan: Ok. Sounds like a good idea Dad. *nods*

Jaune: Also, you should probably stop calling us ‘Mom’and ‘Dad’. It’s gonna lead to a lot of weird questions.

Rowan: Ohhhh yeah, you’re probably right. Ok, anything else.

Jaune: Yeah the less we know about our future, the better. So nobody, and I mean EVERYONE in this room, should ask you serious questions about the future.

Rowan: *nods* Yeah I don’t wanna pull a Back to the Future and blip out of existence.

Ruby: Wait you know what Back to the Future is?

Rowan: Yep. You and Auntie Yang made it a point to watch Classic Movies when me and Summer grew up.

Ruby: ...who?

Rowan: Oh right I didn’t say. My sister’s name is Summer P- Rose 2nd. You named her after grandma.

Ruby: I.....wow. That’s...I don’t know what to say.

Rowan: *raises his hands* It’s ok, you don’t have to say anything yet. You still have A LOT of time before you even think about stuff like that.

Jaune: Ok you see this? *points at both of them* This is what I’m talking about. None of this ok, we don’t want to make anything more weird than it needs to be.

Rowan: Ok so keep my mouth shut. Got it! *gives a thumbs up*

Blake: Do you mind if I do ask something real quick?

Jaune: Wha-? Blake, we just established no asking about our future!

Blake: This isn’t a personal question. I don’t need to have my future told to me.

Jaune: ‘sigh’ Fine. Ask away.

Blake: Rowan, do the White Fang ever succeed in their mission of invading Vale?

RWY: BLAKE!

Jaune: The hell?! That’s not any better!

Blake: You said to not ask personal questions. This is a situational question, therefore it won’t effect my personal life. So Rowan, what happens?

Rowan: ... I’m not gonna tell you that. *serious tone*

Blake: What? Why?!

Rowan: Oh I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to find out about future events that may transpire now or later. So I’m sorry but no I’m telling you anything more than what I need to.

Blake: Rowan, this could be life or death!

Rowan: And if I did tell you, you would want to stop it. But what you don’t realize is that if I were to tell you any information regarding that, not only would that jeopardize my future but everyone else’s future also. Time is NOT something you want to mess around with, because things could get a lot worse by just changing the smallest thing about the timeline.

Blake: *looks away* ...I-I’m sorry Rowan I didn’t think-

Rowan: It’s ok. I get where you’re coming from, but trust me it’s better off this way.

Blake: Ok...

Jaune: Ok so does everyone agree not to ask too many questions about the future?

RWBYNPR: *nods*

Jaune: Great. Now then, Rowan why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself. You don’t need to go into many details, just your likes, dislikes and hobbies.

Rowan: S-Sure thing Da-Sorry! I mean Jaune. Um.... let’s see. *holds his chin in contemplation* Well as far as my likes go: I like to read comics, spend time with my family and friends, and hear stories about-well, both of your teams adventures. Which I guess hasn’t really started yet hehe.

Yang: Well I guess hero worship just runs in the family then. *looks at both Jaune and Ruby*

Rowan: Well you did tell me most of those stories Auntie Yang, so you are partially to blame. *laughs*

Ren: You mentioned wanting to become a huntsman before, any particular reason?

Rowan: Well to put it simply, I always looked up to huntsmen as role models for me. Not because they’re flashy or cool, well not completely. I decided to train to become a huntsman because they serve as beacons of hope for humanity and keep the dark forces of the Grimm at bay. So if I can help in that, if I can make sure that I can protect even one person and keep them smiling then it would be worth it.

Ren: *nods*

Nora: *gets up close* I just have one question for you and it means life or death.....pancakes or waffles?

Rowan: Pancakes duh? You made sure of that Auntie Nora.

Nora: *ruffles his hair* Yep he’s good!

Rowan: Anything else on your minds?

Ruby: Oh I got one! What’s your best memory with ‘Dad’ here? *points at Jaune*

Jaune: Really Ruby, didn’t we just established no calling us his parents?

Ruby: What you said nothing about his personal life.

Jaune: ‘sigh’ Fine. You get a pass, Rowan what’s your best memory of us?

Rowan: ......... *blank stare*

Ruby: Uh Rowan?

Rowan: Oh I’m sorry! I was just thinking, Hahahaha! Wow, best memory with Dad? Um, wow I-I mean there’s...so many memories I have of him it’s kinda hard to tell! Um.......uh......best m-memory? Uh, you know what it was probably that one time that me and him went to an amusement park and he took me on a roller coaster for the first time! Yep that was a great memory! *scratches the underside of his jaw*

Ruby: Oh...well that’s cool.

Rowan: Yeah it was awesome! Say do any of you know if the mess hall is still open because I’m starving actually! Guess time travel can make a kid hungry! *laughs nervously*

Nora: Yeah they should still be open. Ren you’re and I can take you if you want? *gestures to Ren*

Ren: Yes we wouldn’t mind taking you there.

Rowan: Cool! Sounds like a plan! Well... I’ll see the rest of you in a bit!

Yang: Hey Rowan, mind if I tag along?

Rowan: Sure I don’t mind. Anyone’s happy to come along if they want.

RWBJP: We’re fine.

Rowan: That’s ok! We’ll see you later!

The group of four leave to go to the mess hall to find something for the young boy to eat, leaving behind a silence in the room among them.

Weiss: I’m going to assume that we all know that he was lying about that last question.

Jaune/Ruby: Yup. *they nod*

Pyrrha: But that just begs the question. Why would he lie about something concerning Jaune? From his demeanor before, he seemed to have a close relationship with his parents. So why lie?

Jaune: That’s something I hope we can find out?

-Fin of #2-

Hope you all enjoy this next piece! Getting back into the groove of things, so I’ll start getting back to writing regularly. Thanks for all the support and hope you all have a great day! Stay safe and stay smart out there!

Also here’s the sound FX if you guys were wondering:

https://youtu.be/czI4d8ziaPA

[kkulmoon]

Genshin Impact is actually a relatively new game, but it's super addicting so I guess it's my favorite currently 😂 i play a lot of games just to stress relieve, it help me to turn off my brain and give me a sense of accomplishment LOL and also to like... not feel lonelt during the pandemic cuz i been locked in for like a year now LMAO

And yeh the US situation is.... haaaaa.... i hate it here, save me TT^TT

Anyway!! YES JOON IS HUGE HE'S GETTING MORE AND MORE BUFF AND I'M GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT AND JK WHEN THAT HAIR GO UP INTO A MAN BUN, YOU ARE GONNA GET A FUNERAL INVITATION FROM ME CUZ I'LL BE 💀 the amount of time they make me choke on my own spit and water.... it's dangerous ;-;

And hush you cant lose a skill that quickly lmao, i havent ride a bike for like 5 years that doesnt mean I can no longer do it. And you can always open up request for a short while to get some ideas from people 👀

And oooo "sweet home" i heard a lot of good thing about it but i havent watch/read it yet, cuz i dont handle gore very well. And since sweet home is a webtoon, if netflix decide to not give it a second season, even tho they should, you can alway read the webtoon ;)

As for rant, not really, i just been very lazy now that second semester start and i just dont wanna do ANYTHING lol especially since it's my last year

My new year resolution... I wanna be happier *cue blue and grey* a lil too personal but uhhh TW i have severe depression and anxiety and all those good shit mental illness lol and I'm actually really bad at being nice to myself, so... i want to become better, i wanna unlearn negative things, i want to become happier, just a little every day, i'm much happier now than I was before so :D dont worry, love.

What about you? What's your new year resolution? 👀

Questions of the day!! If you could ask someone (dead or alive) a question that they HAVE to answer truthfully, who and what would you ask? -Valley's Lilies @valley-lilies

rippp that’s the reason why I am purposefully staying away from games cause I get stuck on things so easily and i KNOW there are tons of games out there that would catch my interest 😭😭😭 i’ll stay gameless for a few more years until i’m more disciplined lol, but honestly if that’s how you wind down and relax, go for it!!! i feel you so much on the lonely part, like now the bad kind of loneliness is creeping up on me 😳i’ve been locked up for a year too!!! i cannot believe it, it actually blows my mind, i’ve stayed indoors pretty much a whole year, it’s actually sick 😓

honey 🥺 i’m so sorry about it ;(((, like I really never know how to talk about it anymore cause saying the same things feels redundant, but hopefully things get better soon... let me tell you!!!! before the new year came I was only prepared to deal with joon’s big boy summer (or whole year for that matter) and then jungkook comes out NOWHERE, like i was doing good, what do you want from me!!!!!!??? i lost my marbles over that turtleneck manbun live, i can’t actually imagine seeing that now with his blonde hair I’ll just 💃💃→🪦,,,,, but back to the topic of buff joon WE ARE GETTING A LIVE TOMORROW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i’m so excited for that, i’ve missed him a lot 🤧 also hun i’ve learned it the hard way but i refrain from drinking anything while watching bts perform or like their content, something ALWAYS happens 😭

uhmmm yeah i agree, but i’ve only been making gifs for 6 months 🥴i literally remade the gifs for my recent joon comps a whole of 3 times before i was kinda of satisfied 🤡ooohh i never know about requests cause i don’t think anyone would want to ask me to do something 👀 so i’ll just gif whatever i find 🤪

sweet home was without a doubt of the best series I watched in 2020, and yeah I’ll read the webtoon if they don’t make a second season, but i want the 2nd season SOOOOO BADDDDD , i’m really attached to the characters and i think the actors did a great job too 🥺, on the topic of series? what were you favourite series of 2020?

let’s raise a glass to that “To doing nothing!” 🥂i really feel you, but i’m just pushing myself and basically using my classmates’ motivation to keep me going, and soon i should feel better 😩you should also try to hold on!! no need to do great in school or anything but you’re close to end friend, you’ve got it!

that’s such a great resolution! and you’ve already done a lot of the work by recognizing the patterns, i’m sending you all the support 💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞💖💓💞 and you’re right, be kinder to yourself and happier a little bit every single day and you’ll do great and if you don’t manage on some days that’s okay too love, there’s also kindness and love in letting yourself “fail” sometimes 🥰

oooo for this year I want to finish my first year of uni having passed all of my courses, i wan to get my driver’s license before the summer, move out, learn how to do a backflip lmao, and finish the two songs i have left to complete my ep 😌hmmmm yeah i think that’s all tbh 

ahhh god that’s such a hard question T^T , hmmm i would ask a question to my mother, the question would be “Do you regret living your live for you kids?” , i won’t get into the details but she sacrificed A LOT for me and my brother and I would be curious to know how she really feels about it....  what about you? who would it be and what question?

hmmm question of the day, since you like to game, if you got to the chance to have a game made just for you, what would it be and what would you include in it?

[iluvsexyvoltageguys]

Merry Smutmas ~ Chiharu

Fandom: After School Affairs (Love 365)

Pairing: Chiharu x Reader

“Where are we going Chiharu?” You were wary, Chiharu hasn’t told you anything about where you were heading, he just told you to pack warm clothes and to “get your cute butt in the car.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you ______, you’ll find out when we get there.”

You cross your arms, sighing, rolling your eyes as you slump down in the seat. Chiharu chuckles at your frustration, taking the next right. You drive for just over an hour before you see the lights from the small ski town ahead.

As the car moves through the town and away from the bustle of the lodge, you start to notice the changing scenery. It was pretty outside in the bright sunlight, the way the snow stuck to the pine trees, the way it sat untouched, a shimmering, fluffy blanket on the ground.

“Hey Chiharu?”

“Hmm?” He is looking out the windshield.

You reach across the seat, poking him lightly in the ribs before you start half singing, “Do you wanna build a snowman.”

He laughs, shaking his head, “Don’t even start. You and that movie.”

“C’mon, it’s cute!” You smile, beaming.

Chiharu catches your face out of the corner of his eye, and he can’t stop the smile that spreads across his, your good mood contagious, “Fine, it’s alright I guess.” He reaches across the seat, placing his hand on your thigh, squeezing gently.

You had been really surprised when Chiharu had said you both were going away for a bit. Given that it was the nearing the end of the semester, Chiharu would normally have been trying to study, he was in his 2nd year of med school. On top of that, Chiharu not telling you had made you impatient, but also excited. He was up to something, hiding whatever he was up to from you. You have been with him too long to not be able to tell.

It’s late afternoon when he turns the car onto what looks like a driveway, surrounded by nothing but snowy trees, you couldn’t see any other cabins nearby.

“Here we are, _____.”

You can’t help the small gasp that escapes your lips. At the end of the drive is a small cabin nestled right where the woods end and a long valley and meadow begin. It looks like something out of a magazine, the dark logs of the cabin giving it a cozy feel against the frost that sticks to the branches of trees and the tall plants that still stick above the snow, “What did you do Chiharu?”

He chuckles, opening the door, “Taking you away for the weekend.”

“But it’s Christmas.” You say, but he is already halfway around the car, then opening your door, and you’re not sure he heard you.

“Exactly,” He leans on the door, smiling, waiting for you to get out.

“Okay,” You say tentatively, still a little shocked at Chiharu. He shakes his head, grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the car, obviously too excited to wait for you to process all of this. He closes the door, holding your hand and leading you up the last bit of drive to the cabin.

“But the bags Chiharu.” You half turn.

Chiharu doesn’t stop, just gives your hand a gentle tug, keeping you walking with him, “I’ll grab them later.”

You want to protest, but just sigh, staying near his side as the cold air sneaks through your sweater. Chiharu feels your small shiver, adjusting his hand he puts his arm over your shoulder, pulling you under it without ever letting go of you until you get to the door to the cabin.

“Close your eyes.”

“Chiharu, I-…”

“Humor me.” He dips down and presses his lips quickly against yours, and you lose all train of thought, eyelids fluttering a few times before you press them shut, squeezing them together.

You hear him fumble around in his jacket, then a key sliding into a lock. As he takes his time, it is harder and harder not to peek.

The door swings open, Chiharu’s strong hands guide you inside, “Keep them closed.”

“Okay.” You smile, trying to listen as he drops and moves stuff around, but you have no idea what he is doing. You jump when his fingers wrap around your arm, pulling you forward a few more steps, bringing you in front of him so his chest is pressed to your back and his arms wrap around you.

“Alright you can look.” He says almost in a whisper, pushing your hair to the side, kissing your exposed neck.

You can’t say anything as you eyes adjust to the lighting. The place is spotless, warm and cozy, and even though you notice that, it’s not the first thing you see. In the corner across from you sits a ceiling high Christmas tree, fully decorated, white lights in the branches, ornaments on the ends right beside a huge fireplace.

“Chiharu?”

“Merry Christmas _____,” he whispers, letting you go as you walk forward, crossing the room and touching the end of a branch with your fingertip, the smell of pine, that distinct scent of evergreen filling the air.

You spin quickly, mouth still slack. Chiharu stands where you left him, hands shoved in his pockets, a small smile playing at his lips as he watches you.

“When did you do all this?”

“Well,” He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck, “The cabin belongs to Mr. Sera, and some of the guys and their girlfriends helped me…You always talk about how much you love Christmas, and I know school takes up a lot of time. I just want-…”

You close the distance between you fast, practically sprinting, taking Chiharu by surprise as you grab the collar of his shirt, pulling him down and yourself up until your lips crash with his. When he recovers, his arms snake around your waist, holding your body flush with his warm one until neither of you can breathe.

He laughs low, pulling away, brushing your hair back away from your face as he smiles at you, “So…you still want to build that snowman?”

*****

You hadn’t thought Chiharu was serious. But here you were, two hours later in this little meadow, placing the second ball of snow for the middle part of the snowman. Your mittens had started to soak through, but you didn’t even mind, you were having the time of your life, it had been a long time since you had seen Chiharu like this, carefree and innocent, relaxed. It had been an even longer time since you yourself had been too.

Smiling, you drop to your knees, starting to roll another clump of snow for the head.

“Move it sweetheart.” Chiharu hip checks you, bumping you away as he finishes rolling the snow.

“Hey!” You giggle, “I was almost done with that!”

“Let you keep moving like that and we’ll be out here all night.” He lifts it up, setting it on top, reaching down for snow to squish around it so it stays.

You reach beside you, crumpling up the snow, a terrible, awful, wonderful idea racing through your mind. And as Chiharu is talking, turning back to you, you launch the snowball at his broad chest. It explodes on impact, the white flakes spraying up into his face. The look of pure and utter shock priceless. You rock back on your heels, laughing, body racking until he glances up, a wicked smile playing at his lips.

You scramble, tossing more snow at him, trying to slow his pursuit as you slip and slide backwards. A snowball whizzes at you, hitting the ground right beside you, “No Chiharu! Stop!” You squeal, barely able to get it out through the fit of giggles before turning and sprinting.

You duck behind a tree in time, the snow exploding on the bark as you bend down to make more ammo. You go low, flinging one to where you think he is, and you hit your mark. But you realize too late when a snowball hits your shoulder.

Chiharu laughs at your shock, but not for long as you start flinging more his way, trying to find his own tree to hide behind. Both of you blindly slinging snow as the sun disappears behind the trees, until it suddenly gets quiet, and he stops returning fire.

“Chiharu?” You call but no answer, “Chiharu?” You walk out carefully.

He comes out of nowhere, yelling, almost giving you a heart attack as he pulls you to the ground, pinning you underneath him, “Gotcha!”

His hair is full of snow and he shakes his head, letting it fall onto your face. You laugh, barely able to breathe as you beg him to stop, trying to get away, “Chiharu Utsumi!”

“You started it.” He chuckles, leaning down, pressing his lips to the soft skin of your neck.

“O-okay! I g-give, alright?” You can barely speak through the fit of giggles.

Chiharu springs to his feet, hauling you up with him, “Let’s head back before you freeze to death.”

“Ok,” you stand on your tiptoes, kissing his cheek quickly, and you don’t miss the small smile that crosses his lips.

It’s not that far through the woods, you could see the lights left on in the cabin in the distance, but the cold and the darkness make the walk seem long. But you don’t mind because you’re hand in hand with Chiharu.

The moonlight pours through the trees, stars shining against a navy blanket. It was beautiful out, cool and crisp, the wind singing as it hits snowy branches.

As you were on the last stretch to the cabin your teeth start to chatter together. Trying to hide it, you clamp your mouth shut. Chiharu notices though, pulling you under his arm and against his side without a word, rubbing his hand up and down your arm. Then you feel him shiver against you.

Chuckling, you poke his ribs through his thick jacket, “I thought you would be used to being in the cold by now?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah….It’s pretty cold out here though.” He grumbles, pulling the door open and letting you in before him.

You immediately start stripping layers, heading towards the stone fireplace. You can barely feel your fingers anymore as you place a couple of logs on the grates, stuffing some newspaper in between them.

“Here, ____.” Chiharu grabs your shoulders, pulling you up, back against his chest, “I got it.”

You smile up at him, “Thanks.”

He winks, “No problem.” Chiharu dips down, pressing his lips to yours. What starts as an innocent gesture changes as soon as you nip at his bottom lip, quickly becomes passionate as he opens his mouth, and your tongues slide against one another.

Chiharu’s hand slides under the hem of your shirt, when his fingers touch your bare skin you jump, a yelp escaping your lips, “Jesus Chiharu, your hands are freezing!”

“Oh…These hands?” He shoves the other under your shirt as well, palms flat over your stomach as you double over, trying to get away.

“Y-yes! Those ones.” You spin in his grasp, “I thought you were going to build a fire?”

He smirks, “I think I figured out a better way to warm up.”

“Fire first Chiharu.” You copy what he did, shoving your freezing fingers under his shirt and he flinches away in surprise. You laugh, “See?”

“Alright, alright.” He kisses you quickly before letting you go. You watch him for a moment, kneeling and using a lighter to start the paper on fire. Turning, you see a stack of pillows and blankets that he must have grabbed sitting on the table. You spread them out on the floor, back a little ways so nothing catches, but close enough that you know you will be warm.

By the time Chiharu’s finishing up, you have totally stripped and are laying under the covers, head propped on your hand as you watch him, broad shoulders and muscles rolling under his shirt as he sits back on his heels, inspecting his work, “I think that should do i-….” He stops mid sentence when he turns and sees you, “Fuck me.”

You wink, “Sure thing.”

Chiharu laughs, kneeling beside you, cupping your chin, pressing his warm lips to yours, your mind going completely blank, forgetting anything but him. Only able to think about the way he tilts your head so he can kiss you deeply, the way his lips move against yours perfectly, about the way you love him, and you know he loves you.

You pull back, breathless and smiling, tugging at his flannel shirt, “I think you’re a little overdressed for this party.”

Chiharu smirks, shrugging out of his outer layer, pulling his t-shirt over his head, unbuttoning his jeans and starting to push his pants down. You watch him in the flickering firelight, watching the way each inch of skin gets exposed and the orange light dances over it. The solid expanse of his chest, the taut length of his stomach. The blonde hair that trails down to his cock.

You reach for him, only to have your small hand caught in his large one, “Nuh-uh _____, it’s your vacation.”

“It’s our vacation Chiharu.” You giggle, pulling him down with you into the pile of blankets.

Chiharu kisses you playfully, nipping at your collarbone, nuzzling your neck. Your fingers thread through his hair, tugging lightly, pulling his lips back to yours, and you melt into each other, leaving you dizzy. Chiharu’s hands explore your body, thumb brushing over your nipple, hand squeezing your breast, leaving you gasping into his mouth, “Ch-Chiharu. Fuck.”

“_____, you are so beautiful.” He murmurs, rolling you on your back, pushing your legs apart with his knees, hovering above you as his hand travels farther south, down past your belly button, down in between your thighs. You open for him, legs falling apart as you lay back against the pillows, watching Chiharu’s eyes watch you, and it’s something that never fails to take your breath away. How such a simple look from Chiharu can make you feel like the center of the universe, like the only woman in the entire world, and how it made you know, that for him you were.

You reach up, touching his cheek, “I love you Chiharu.”

He leans into the touch, eyes closing for a moment before he tips his head, lips brushing against the heel of your hand, “I love you too.”

Chiharu parts the lips of your pussy with his fingers, ever so slightly rubbing your clit in a slow circle. You bite your bottom lip, your hand falling away from his face, threading back through your own hair; moaning, rocking your hips against his hand, trying, pleading for more friction.

Chiharu teases you, dipping his fingers in and out of your pussy, spreading your wetness over your clit, but never enough to bring you over the edge, “Fuck, Chiharu, please….Y-yes, please.” Words fall out of your mouth in incoherent sounds and disconnected sentences.

Chiharu doesn’t say much, he never does, he loves to watch you, taking in everything you are doing, feeling. Every once in awhile a grunt or a moan will escape from those lips mixed with a praise and your name causing your heart to jump out of your chest.

You wrap your legs around his waist, heels digging into his ass as you try to pull him closer, “More Chiharu, please. I want you.”

Chiharu’s hands move to your hips, adjusting himself, holding you in place as he rubs his cock against your pussy. Your neck snaps back as the head of his cock drags over your clit. Your chest heaves, small whines and pleas come in your barely recognizable voice.

A few more pumps and he lines himself up with your entrance, pushing in at an agonizingly slow pace. His cock stretching you wonderfully as he slides into you, “You’re so perfect,” He leans his weight onto you as he rolls his hips, cock fully buried within you, his lips finding yours again as he whispers against them.

You hold him close, fingers raking through his hair as you find a rhythm with Chiharu, slow, lazy and sweet as you each bring each other towards the end. His cock drags across your g-spot, your walls clench around him, fluttering with each sound he makes

“Chi-…”

“C’mon, I’m right there with you.”

You are barely able to roll your hips anymore, all your muscles tightening, toes curling, head falling back as you gasp his name. Chiharu thrusts into you erratically as you cum around him, calling his name, eyes pressed closed.

“_____!” Chiharu moans your name, holding you against him as he collapses onto you, grunting, moaning your name over and over against your skin as his body shakes and his cock throbs within you as he cums.

Both of you totally blissed out, it takes some time, eventually Chiharu rolls, pulling you up onto his chest, fingers playing in your hair as you place lazy kisses on his skin.

“Miss?”

You are confused by the timid tone of his voice, the sudden shyness, “Hmm?” You rest your chin on his chest, watching his face in the flickering firelight. Chiharu is watching you carefully, his face suddenly guarded. It really throws you off, what was wrong?

“Chiharu?”

Chiharu sees your confusion, immediately sitting up, pulling you into his lap kissing the top of your head. He reaches over by the Christmas Tree, pulling something from under it, “Shit.” He grumbles, smiling uncomfortably.

“Chiharu, what is it?” You move so you can see his face, wondering why his mood had changed so suddenly.

Chiharu grimaces, “I had this whole perfect thing planned to tell you, but-but-“

“What are you talking about Chiharu?” Your forehead scrunches in confusion.

His chest heaves, sighing, “I love you, _____.”

“I love you too Chiharu, but why-.”

“No, _____…” Chiharu shakes his head, holding your one hand, placing something small and soft into it, “Like I wanna be with you forever love you.”

You blink in surprise, glancing down at the little box in your hand, your heart pounding through your chest. Mouth agape, you open it slowly, inside a little silver band with stones that sparkle in the firelight. You can’t say anything, just stare at it for a moment before your eyes fly back to his face, meeting his vulnerable brown eyes.

“Chiharu, are you serious?”

He licks his lips, nodding shyly, “Yeah _____…I’m serious.”

You throw your arms around his neck, tears stinging at the corner of your eyes as you kiss him, your heart swelling in your chest as your lips move against his.

Chiharu chuckles, “Is that a yes?”

“Yes that’s a yes Chiharu!”

ASA Masterlist

[blooblooded]

High School Story Act 1

KASSIDY NGUYEN

Twelve years to the day had passed since Kassidy Nguyen’s mother had taken her own life, and things weren’t exactly getting any easier. The passage of time did not heal all wounds; how could it? It was like her other mother and her brother were like open wounds, just walking around tearing and re-tearing themselves open. Every year it was the same and every year she did the same thing: avoided thinking about it.

In the bathroom, she avoided making eye contact with herself in the mirror. This at least was not anything new. She never looked at herself in the mirror, or if she did she spared only the slightest of glances to make sure that she did not have anything stuck in between her teeth or that her masses of unmanageable kinky blonde hair was not sticking up everywhere. Not that it mattered, since no matter what she did she always looked like a clown. It didn’t bother her much any more, it just affected her in this small uncomfortable way whenever she was around mirrors.

Instead of fixating on this-- something that even on the worst of days, Kassidy was not prone to-- she washed her hands, wiped them haphazardly on her pants, and left.

At least it was still relatively early into the first semester of her 4th highschool year, so she wouldn’t be missing out on much homework if the night went poorly. Not that Kassidy cared much about school or grades either. She had a pretty clear idea of her trajectory and it looked something like following in her mother’s footsteps and joining Eden’s bevy of law enforcement. Didn’t need good grades to become a cop. Didn’t need much of anything. Kassidy didn’t have much of anything. 

She made her way into the kitchen of their small apartment and sat down at the table, pulling her legs up and crossing them. The table was round and made of synthetic wood, since the real stuff was too expensive for the majority of the people who inhabited the underground city. Various plates and used utensils covered the surface in a way that was more lived in than it was messy. Well, it was also messy. Kassidy shoved a couple of plates out of the way so that she could comfortably rest her elbows on the table. 

There was a hole in the wall next to the table. Kassidy looked at it. She looked away.

It was like this every year, but every year the severity of her family’s behavior worsened. Every year it felt like they lost their grip on each other a little bit more.

Her communicator buzzed from inside her pocket and she pulled it out to check for any messages. The device’s rectangular screen had a crack in it from all the times she had dropped it. Sometimes this annoyed her, but where was she supposed to dig up enough credits to pay for a new screen? It buzzed again as her brother kept messaging her.

>christopher.nguyen: tell ma i’m gonna be out late tonight

>christopher.nguyen: we’re making signs for the workers march tomorrow

Kassidy rolled her eyes. It was good that he had found something to do with his energy, good that he had found people to relate to and hang out with, but it was starting to get annoying.

>kassidy.nguyen: don’t leave me with her she thinks all 3 of us are gonna hang out here

>christopher.nguyen: you didn’t hear her screaming at me last night?

>christopher.nguyen: just because i made one comment about police brutality in eden????

>christopher.nguyen:  didn’t even say anything offensive

>kassidy.nguyen: i heard you punching the wall and screaming at her right back you idiot

Kip sent a hybrid laughing-crying emoji, which was what he usually sent when he couldn’t think of something reasonable or normal to say. Kassidy replied with a long string of skull emojis. She shifted her position in the chair so that she was more comfortable. 

>kassidy.nguyen: iits fine. You shouldn’t have to torture yourself thinking about mom.

>christopher.nguyen: neither should you though.

>kassidy.nguyen: i don’t even remember her

>kassidy.nguyen: i mean like not as much as you

Kip sent her about 50 laughing-crying emojis in a row, which was just...impossible to discern. She decided to ignore him since he was being his usual self and opened up the internet so that she could watch videos of people slipping while waiting for the metro and nearly having fatal accidents.

This was where she was supposed to start on her homework, but nothing could motivate her to do so. She didn’t have anything that needed to be done immediately, or at least, she didn’t have anything that she couldn’t procrastinate on. It wasn’t like Kassidy was on the AP track; the only classes she was taking were the ones she absolutely had to for graduation--- the basic 4th level courses. If she absolutely needed to, she could always just cheat off of her best friend Esther Bellamy, who was generally the type to complete her homework.

Half an hour passed and her mother let herself into the apartment, struggling slightly with the keycard as she did so. She walked through the living room and into the kitchen and looked disoriented as she did so due to the novelty of getting home before 10:30. Before saying anything to her daughter, Dana Nguyen put her briefcase down on the floor and slumped down into the 2nd of their 3 chairs.

Kassidy looked a lot like her mother. They both had the same small and slouching way about them. Of course, her mother wore glasses and had straight black hair that was already peppered with grays. And of course, Kassidy was more prone to smiling and laughing and the light in her eyes hadn’t yet been dulled. They were blood related, which was something that her brother could not say. At least he could reach things in high places for them.

“I thought that I wouldn’t be able to get home at all,” her mother complained. “It’s like shit gets piled on top of me on purpose. Practically had to sneak out of my own office because if Anderson or Middleton had remembered I was there they would have jumped down my throat with this Mena Olowe fiasco. Jesus, I could pass out.”

“Did you pick up food?” asked Kassidy.

“Did you?” snapped her mother, pulling at her tie and unbuttoning her top buttons.

Kassidy scrolled boredly through a scary story message board. She knew better than to roll her eyes. 

Dana Nguyen rubbed her temples like she was getting a headache. “Sorry. Long day Where’s Christopher?” Whenever she used Kip’s full name, it meant that her anger was still simmering underneath the surface. “If he’s still out he could bring back pizza.”

“Uhhhh.” Kassidy scrolled more intently through her communicator so that she appeared busy. “Huh?”

While pretending to be hyper-focused on the story of someone claiming that the Red Religion was driving people mad, she watched her mother unwind. She watched as she slid her little shoes from her feet and unclasped the lanyard from around her neck. Her mother took an elastic from her wrist and tied her hair back with it, the greys at the sides springing out to frame her face. She rubbed her face again then stood up, went to the refrigerator, and grabbed a beer can. Without bothering to pour it into a glass, she opened it and took a sip, her shoulders relaxing.

Kassidy looked at her mother. She looked at the hole in the wall. 

Sometimes it felt like her family was crazy and she was the only one who didn’t blow up or freak out. Except that wasn’t true at all. Kassidy still blew up, just not over stupid shit. 

The story she was reading was actually pretty interesting, not that she believed it. Religious people were messed up and deluded, but not deluded enough to start brainwashing people and draining all the blood out of their bodies. Eden had a long history of fervent state atheism which meant that anyone with a more complicated belief system didn’t completely mesh well. It was difficult to be understanding; none of them believed in Science. They were the sorts who liked to hold onto the intangible and somehow that gave them comfort, instead of being comforted by the material world around them. Kassidy always shivered when she walked too close to their Churches. But their whole thing was that they were caring and compassionate, surely not the sort who would engage in blood sacrifices.

Well. From time to time, Kassidy enjoyed a good shiver.

Time passed. Her mother opened another beer and the skin of her cheeks started to flush. It was good that lately she had switched from liquor to beer. A couple years ago when Kip was in the Youth  Detention Center, she had drunk so much that Kassidy was always worried about her. The scary thing was that back then, her mother wouldn’t even cry despite the crushing waves of unhappiness that radiated from her. She would just stare at nothing, drink, then stare at nothing some more. As unsettling as that was it was better than crying. Kassidy had never seen her mother cry.

“Where’s your brother?” asked Dana Nguyen. Already she was looking rumpled, like the part of herself that was well put together immediately fell apart when she was home. “He’s not-- do you know where he is?”

“Uhhh,” said Kassidy awkwardly. “Yeah. Kind of.”

“And that is?”

She clicked out of the forums and pulled up her messages. “EWP meeting. Again, I think. Uh. I think he wanted to stay busy tonight, you know? He wanted to be with his friends.” How terrible it was that she could say that Kip had friends and she didn’t. All she had was Esther. If joining a stupid club was the way that one made friends in Eden, Kassidy did not want friends. The loneliness that she had known all her life was at least familiar.

The thin metal beer can crinkled as her mother gripped it, then threw it into the recycling bin. Her face grew redder. “EWP,” she said, bitterly. “EWP. You know, he is exactly like his mother was. Harry never shut up about the Workers’ Party, she never stopped trying to get us to unionize, never could be quiet about how she thought the Central Committee was corrupt. And look where it got her. Look where it’s getting him.” 

“The EWP isn’t that bad.” It was true. They weren’t. The Eden Workers Party was a popular organization for working class leftists who were averse to the organized crime connections that all the other labour-parties had. While it was considered fringe-- after all, Eden was a one-party system on paper and had been for over two hundred years-- it was accepted as something that passionate yet overly idealistic people involved themselves with. Mostly they protested things like low wages and prohibitive housing costs and were either ignored or laughed at. 

But Kip was not a part of the Eden Workers Party anymore. He had found something even more niche, more anti-capitalist, more extreme. Kassidy didn’t entirely understand it, but the thing that she understood well was how much her mother would flip her shit if she ever found out.

“So he’s out, what, painting posters or something?” asked her mother.

“I guess,” said Kassidy, who did not actually know. She pulled up her contact information for Esther.  

“Unbelievable.” Standing up once again from the kitchen table, her mother got a 3rd beer from the fridge, then went to the beat up couch that was the centerpiece of their living room. When she sat, she didn’t curl her legs up like Kassidy did, rather, she seemed to deflate and slouch even more. “He is unbelievable.”

For a moment, Kassidy wondered if she should join her mother in the living room. How was she supposed to shoulder all that misery? She didn’t want to, but she knew that she couldn’t just leave her by herself, not today. She began to message Esther.

>kassidy.nguyen: can you call me so i can escape?

>kassidy.nguyen: my moms in a weird mood again

No answer.

“Unbelievable,” Dana Nguyen repeated, staring at the hole in the wall. “I don’t know what to do with him, I can’t get him to listen to me. I don’t know what to do. He’s-- he’s practically a grown man. He’s going to get in trouble someday.”

Kip had already been in a lot of trouble.

“I have people breathing down my throat all day, I can’t have my kid out there screaming about, I don’t know, stupid politics. Do you know what it’s gonna look like if he gets himself arrested? We arrested 3 of those socialist nutcases today for vandalizing a train station, can you imagine what would happen if Kip gets wound up in all that? The media gangfucks me hard enough already.”

“Ugh, gross Ma, don’t say gangfuck,” Kassidy glued her eyes to her screen. “That freaks me out.”

“The media gangfucks me during every press conference, Kassidy,” said her mother, who finished off her 3rd beer of the night. “I’m the Central Committee’s whipping boy, something goes wrong in Eden, I’m the one who gets the fucking blame. It’s nonstop, if it’s not one thing, it’s another. I don’t want this. I didn’t want this. If he gets arrested for I don’t know, destroying something, I can’t just bail him out.”

>kassidy.nguyen: she’s getting all crazy again i can’t deal with her by myself.

Her mother looked like she was melting on the inside. Kassidy cleared her throat to try and make a joke.

“It’s fine if you don’t bail him out, Vega will just do it for you.” She tried to arrange her face into something that resembled a smile. Why did she feel so awkward all of the time? “She’s done it be--”

“Is that supposed to be funny?” Dana Nguyen put her hands over her face. “Fucking Vega.”

This did not seem exactly fair. Eden’s Chief Personnel Officer Vega Pelenato had been a part of Kassidy and Kip’s lives as long as she could remember. Vega was the kind of person who picked up garbage that wasn’t her’s, she was a comfortable and trustworthy presence. Back when their mother wasn’t doing well and Kip was in the Youth Detention Center, she would check in on Kassidy a couple nights a week and bring her food. She had always figured that if she got in trouble, she’d call Vega first.

Defending Vega was the right thing to do.

“What’s wrong with Vega?”

“Shady. She’s shady. She wants my job.”

“Thought you didn’t want your job, Ma.”

Dana Nguyen just closed her eyes and slumped over on the couch so that she was lying down. 

(I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO GO WITH THIS)

AJAX GUTTIEREZ

It wasn’t usual for AJ to have enough time to grab a coffee and enjoy it before class. Generally he ran late. Not just in the morning either. It seemed as if he never had any time for himself, as if he was always doing things for other people and shoving his own needs down so deep that they could not be reached.

That morning however, as if through some miracle, everything was running smoothly. The metro eran without any weird delays or hiccups. The kids he babysat did not drag their feet for once as he got them ready for school. He didn’t have to run or wheeze or neglect to feed himself just because he was doing his job; he actually had time to enjoy the morning.

It was a novel experience. He was usually so busy.

The cafe which he frequented was located on the university floors of the Education District. It was one of the cheaper ones, despite its proximity to the sprawling section of classrooms which students who were enrolled in the Business and Marketing programs went to. Not that being on the Business track meant someone had money necessarily, but as a generalization, it did.

AJ did not have any money. It wasn’t like he was not being payed; his employer was the 2nd wealthiest individual in Eden— directly behind West Agapama’s shipping (and smuggling) empire. He got paid enough to pay the exorbitant tuition fees for a degree that did not guarantee a career in the future, but that was it. Sometimes he had money for coffee. Usually he did not. When he did have the money to treat himself, he ended up not having enough time due to having to drag the kids out of bed and making them get ready for school in the morning. 

One of the baristas at this particular cafe was his acquaintance, he had briefly dated her about a year previously and while the two of them had not remained close, they would still talk or hook up from time to time. When she noticed him, he nodded at her. Girls liked him, most of the time they would blush or giggle when he flirted with them. It was more difficult for him to hook up with guys. 

“Whaddya want, Gutierrez?” asked the barista, who was tall and slim and had an aura of bored disinterest about her. She had been in one of his Marketing classes, before she had been forced to drop out of school because her financial aid stopped coming through. “Haven’t seen you in a hot minute.”

AJ shrugged as he studied the iridescent signs that exhibited the various drinks available. “Haven’t had time.”

“Still working the same gig?” The name tag that she wore on her green apron read ‘Qian’, which was her surname— not many people had the privilege to call her Jenny. AJ had, back when he was sleeping with her, but it hadn’t worked out. “Still a miserable bastard, huh? You should come sling drinks with me.”

“You know I can’t do that,” said AJ. “Can I just get a coffee with cream and a shot of caramel?”

Qian nodded and got to work.There were no other customers waiting in line; either they populated the more popular coffee shops that were around the STEM classrooms or it was simply a slow day. Things like that were impossible to discern. He watched her work and envied the simplicity of a job where tasks were straightforward. All she had to do was follow the recipe and smile at the customers. There was no room for fear and speculation, she didn’t have to feel anxious about losing a couple of children or fucking up so monumentally that she got hung up by her toes in a meat packing plant. Customer service sucked too, but it came with less dangers.

AJ hadn’t considered his babysitting job personally dangerous until recently. Now he was brainstorming ways to get out of it but came up blank every time.

Compulsively, he checked his communication device for messages, but saw nothing. 

“Aren’t you graduating this year?” asked the barista. Steam from the latte machines made her straight dark hair stick to the sides of her face. AJ remembered how pretty she was and remembered how lonely he was now. “Marketing, right?”

“Business and Marketing,” said AJ. He took his cup of coffee when she handed it to him, it was too hot for him to drink immediately so he lingered. “Actually I just have 10 credits left. The end is in sight, haha.”

“You gonna work for Prosperity?”

“I mean, I sort of am already if you think about it.” He watched as she shook her head in kind disbelief. Nobody took him seriously. “I’m going to talk to Mr. Prospas about it later on in the semester, after I’ve started working on my thesis. Market research analyst, right? There’s always room for that kind of work in a huge company like Prosperity. I’ve been working for him on the books for almost 5 years, off the books for much longer. That’s gotta mean something, am I right?”

“Working as a babysitter,” said Qian. She wiped her dark hair back from her face. AJ didn’t correct her.

What was he supposed to say, that he had been forced to watch out for a known crime lord’s kids since he was 12 years old? That kind of thing was completely unbelievable. Even when he said it to himself, it sounded unbelievable. For nearly half his life, AJ had taken care of people who were not himself, had been left with minimal time for himself and his interests. Had he cultivated compassion for others during that time? Who was to say. All he knew was that he never had any time for himself, that he never had any time to do what he wanted to do. It was one of the reasons all of his relationships fell apart in the first place. 

(EDIT THIS SHE ALREADY GAVE IT TO HIM)Qian pumped a couple of squirts of caramel flavoring into AJ’s cup and handed it to him. The cup was warm in his hands. “You need to get out of there, man,” she said, and a cautious tone lent itself to her voice. “You know it’s not safe, right? I read about how EPD found some guy with his eyes sliced out of his head and his throat cut the other night, they’re trying to tie it back to Prosperity.”

“Could have been anyone,” said AJ, who knew exactly who she was talking about and exactly what had happened. Even those treacherous thoughts made his heart palpate. “What about AGA? What about the Reds? Or those socialist whack jobs, I heard that last week a couple of them beat the shit out of some guy just because he had an expensive communicator. This Colony is a shithole, Jenny, no wonder the Central Committee has been panicking. Every time something violent happens— so every day-- the cops try to pin the blame on one of the five families because they’re too stupid to figure it out for themselves.”

“Uh huh,” said the barista. She smiled at him a little like she didn’t believe him. “Sure. You need to get out of there. That shit ain’t safe for people like us.”

He already knew what she meant by ‘people like us’. People who didn’t have the means to post bail or people who didn’t have the flashy names to become media darlings. She meant people like him. People who might someday be found slashed to pieces in a warehouse, people who the police wouldn’t care about. AJ took a sip of his coffee. It was too sweet but bearable, he just wanted to sit down and not have to talk to his ex.

Come to think about it, AJ had a lot of exes.

He retreated to the relative privacy of one of the back corners and sat down. Not many students were currently occupying the small room; an accounting professor who he recognized was meeting with a mentee nearby and a couple shared a breakfast of bagels in the opposite corner next to the door. In theory the lack of distraction would lend itself to him being able to get more work accomplished before class, but AJ knew that he would inevitably start scrolling through the feeds on his communicator and waste all his time.

He took his tablet out of his tote bag and activated its keyboard function. One of his professors had assigned a short analysis of product proliferation, or what occurs when an organization markets endless variations of the same products. Take for instance Prosperity Inc, which made its money feeding the people of Eden. The majority of Prosperity's sales came from cellular agriculture— the in vitro cultivation of animal cells on a massive scale, then marketed towards the lower and middle class as an accessible alternative to traditional animal protein. But the company also raised cattle in the flat fields on the surface above Eden, and slaughtered them in the traditional way, then marketed them to the elite who could afford it. In this way, Prosperity sold the exact same product— animal protein— and almost entirely cornered the market.

Although AJ understood this concept of diversification and monopolization well from having grown up around it, he couldn’t bring himself to write about his own experiences. It just didn’t seem right. Instead he stared blankly at the screen of his tablet, his mind drifting every now and then to the conversations around him. He typed one sentence, then deleted it. He typed another one and deleted that one as well.

What was the point of going to college? The pit of fear opened up in that dark place in his chest and he struggled to swallow it down. Whenever he was still and quiet for too long, the terrible thoughts about how he was never going to be able to provide for himself and for his mother swirled up from that dark place. Even if he was able to graduate, he had no relevant job experience in his field. His only hope was to beg for the job he wanted and pray for the best.

To distract himself, AJ pulled up a crossword app. The clue that he got stuck at was 53 Across: ‘Pass (off) as genuine.’ Muddling over it took him a good 5 minutes until he recalled the word ‘foists’. 

In the reflective glass of his tablet’s screen, he could see his own face and he looked away, unable to stand making prolonged eye contact with himself. A few strands of hair were escaping from his short ponytail and he slicked them back with one hand, drinking his coffee with the other. What was it about his own image that caused him such internal disgust? It had never been like this before, it had slowly crept up on him seemingly without cause. The strange thing was that his self esteem was not low, he often felt proud of himself and his self-efficacy. To his knowledge, he was not overcome with shame or guilt. This was different. AJ did not want to watch himself slowly sink into the thick mud of his life.

He pulled up his textbook, read a sentence, and found himself unable to focus. But looking back at the crossword he was working on also could not hold his focus.

Vibrations in his pants pocket alerted him to a message on his communication device and he pulled it out and checked it. The youngest kid who he babysat, a 9 year old, had left him a string of smiley-face emojis. Not just a string, like 25 of them. Valentine was an excitable and loving child, but he never could leave anyone alone. AJ had tried to explain that he had to go to school too, but it just didn’t get through.

Without anything of importance to say to the kid, AJ put his phone face down on the table. What is someone supposed to say to a bunch of random emojis sent with no context? The kids were supposed to be in class anyway. At least the older one never messaged AJ or reached out to him. It was hard enough to deal with one needy child.

Unable to focus on what he was supposed to be doing, he pulled up his newsfeed. In 6 months Eden would have its first serious Mayoral election in over 10 years. Or perhaps, the first serious Mayoral election in 57 years? On paper, Eden did not have political dynasties, but for nearly 6 decades, somebody with the last name ‘Malena’ had been head of the Central Committee. The current Mayor, Jay Malena, had been elected when AJ was 12, after his father Jack Malena had stepped down from office. And when AJ’s mother had been young, Awhina Malena had been in power. It wasn’t something that bothered him, at least not that much. AJ wasn’t interested in politics because he couldn’t see how they materially affected his life.

No matter who had control of Eden, things weren’t going to get any better, at least not for him. Nothing ever changed. 

Anyway, the Mayor was only one part of the Central Committee. There was of course also a Commissar for each of the 10 Districts who supposedly had the best interests of their constituents in mind. Then there was the worthless Police Commissioner, the Minister of Science, the Comptroller, and the Chief Prosecutor. All in all 15 people who held Eden in their hands. They were the people who got payed to sit around on their asses all day while the five families— owners of the megacorporations which actually influenced Eden— did whatever they wanted.

The current newsfeed had a picture of Mayor Malena sweating in front of the cameras during his latest interview. He was a sharp, good looking man with big square teeth like chunks of marble. Moderately likeable, shiny and stupid. The shitshow that would rise up if he lost to his challenger, the flashy and dangerous idiot West Agapama, was unthinkable. Not just for the Colony. AJ’s boss would finally lose his mind. 

At least AJ knew who he’d be voting for. He didn’t know much, but he knew that. 

The youngest kid he babysat sent him another string of smiley face emojis. The corners of AJ’s mouth tightened and he tapped out his own message.

>ajax.guttierez: stop playing on your comm

>ajax.guttierez: you’re going to get in trouble

Valentine replied with yet another incoherent bunch of emojis and gifs. AJ turned his device off vibrate, unable to engage in any more emotional labor.

It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the Prospas kids. They were just a lot to deal with. The basic expectations of his job was that he made sure that they were safe, that he made sure they went to school, and that he entertained them briefly after school and took them where they needed to go. It was not part of his job to be their friend or act as...as some kind of surrogate older brother. AJ knew from terrible experience just how badly that could go and how much he could lose if he let himself get too attached to one of them. He kept himself closed off for the most part, he tried to keep himself professional.

Professional. He did not want his profession to be watching out for his boss’s kids for the rest of his life. He could not let that happen to himself, he needed to move on for his own sake as well as his mother’s sake.

His poor mother…

AJ took another sip of coffee and dialed his mother’s number on VidChat. Usually she slept in, she had always been a night owl, even when his father was still alive. Now she had good reason to sleep the mornings away. On the 3rd ring, she picked up her communication device.

“Ajax?” she said, her voice still sleepy. She was still in bed, her long brown hair uncovered. AJ took after his father more than he took after her, but he could still see his own traits in her long curled eyelashes and her slight overbite. “Are you getting breakfast before class?”

“Yeah,” AJ answered, even though he wasn’t. He didn’t want to waste his money on an expensive bagel or something when he had food back in the apartment. Well, technically there was also food in the kitchens of the Prospas family home which he and his mother shared, but he didn’t want to be accused of stealing. “Just checking on you. You weren’t up when I left.”

His mother rubbed her eyes. “I was up until 3, I think. I get caught up, you know. I keep praying that things will get better for us, I know God is listening. He’s always listening.”

“Uh-huh.” His mother had only started getting into religion a couple of years ago, when the Red religion gained popularity due to some scriptures getting spread online. AJ didn’t care for it or understand, but it was good for her. It gave her something to do, people to talk to, and faith to hold on to. It was better to think that the God from beyond the Rift existed and was listening to her when she was sad or in pain, better than not having anything at all. He had tried to get into it at her behest, but the bloodletting aspect of it made him queasy.

“Someday we won’t have to struggle or suffer anymore, you know? God is coming back someday, He’s coming back soon. Nobody will put us down anymore, nobody will hurt us anymore because you and me, we’re God’s children. He loves us, someday He’s going to come down from the Rift and protect us.”

“Yeah, I know he’s gonna do that, Ma. I know.” AJ turned his head to eye Jenny Qian up behind the counter and watched her bend over to pick something up. Seeing the thin slip of pink underwear show above her pants reminded him that it had been over a month since he last had sex. Probably not the best thing to contemplate while calling one’s mother.

“He’ll get rid of all the evil here. We won’t have to hide underground anymore because He’s going to purify the world.” Helen Guttierez’s face, tan and lovely, was so full of devotion towards her son that once again he wondered if he should go to one of the Red Churches, if only to give her peace. “Everyone will be happy the way that they were in the old days, before the Rift opened.”

Whenever AJ looked up while on the Surface Levels, he could see the impossibly dark red Rift pulsating far above the Dome. It made him sick to look at it for too long, so alien and unnatural. Nobody understood it, other than it had appeared suddenly 873 years ago and had ended almost all human life on Earth. It was a miracle that the few who survived the physical changes of that time were able to band together and form the 11 Colonies.

Then again, history and science had never been AJ’s strong suits.

“If God listens to anyone, it’s gonna be you,” he told her, just so that he could see her smile, that smile that was both like and unlike his own. 

And his mother did smile at him. She sat up a little straighter in her bed, which was covered in pillows and extra blankets for her comfort. She was a good mom, she had always given AJ the love and emotional support he needed to grow. None of this was her fault.

“Do you want to get dinner tonight?” she asked. She fumbled around on her bedside table to find her glasses and AJ wondered if he would also need glasses by the time he was 40.

“I’ll try to figure out something to do with the kids. Yeah, yeah of course.” AJ watched the little screen as his mother’s upper lip curled in disgust ever so slightly. “I’ve been so busy lately. You know.”

“You’re getting older. That’s what happens. You can’t— you aren’t that little boy you used to be. I loved you then and I love you now, just like I’m going to love the man you’re going to be. Growing older and more responsible isn’t going to change that, I pray for you every single day. Every day.”

A handful of students walked into the cafe, laughing and joking amongst themselves. More business and marketing majors, nobody overtly from the upper class.  AJ recognized most of them but wasn’t close to any. It was so easy for him to have fleeting relationships, romantic or otherwise. Even committing to a platonic friendship was difficult and growing more difficult by the day. It was hard for normal people to trust him once they found out who he worked for, and the people who were interested in him despite that? They were not the kind of people he wanted to associate with. 

The only person he actually wanted to associate with was his mom. It was fine to have short flings with people so that he could have casual sex, but anything beyond that? No. It was not worth it to drag out his history in the process of bonding with another human.

But the sound of a group of friends laughing together made something sharp and hungry twist deep in his gut.

His mother was still talking. “We could go to that restaurant in the 7th District that my friend Nneka owns. Their food is so good, cheap too. I think you’d like it.” 

“Vegetarian?”

“Yes. Of course. Of course it is.” She stretched, then rolled her shoulders back and in doing so, the collar of the oversized pajama shirt she slept in slipped down just enough to reveal a bite mark on her neck. It looked new.

It only took that to make AJ’s legs begin to shake. He pressed the hand that was not holding the communicator down on one thigh to try and control himself. “You OK, Ma?”

If she realized that he was upset, she did not show it. After all this time she minimized and brushed things off so that AJ wouldn’t get upset and do something stupid. The one time she slipped up and admitted to how scared she was, he’d flown into a rage and the aftereffects had not been pretty. That had been when he was 16 and he had ended up in the hospital. If he tried to stand up to the person who was hurting his mother now, as an adult? He’d end up like the guy Qian had told him about, the one who had been tortured before getting his throat slit.

Sometimes the best thing to do was not fight back. 

“I’m OK, baby,” she told him, and her smile took on an aspect that his never could: understanding. “It’s like I told you, God’s taking care of me. He never puts anything on our plate that we can’t handle.”

The nearby group of students were still laughing as they waited for their coffee orders and suddenly AJ couldn’t stand it. It made him want to lash out at them and he knew he couldn’t. He continued to press his fist into his leg as hard as he could and hoped that it would keep him calm. How could they be laughing? How could they have friends? When other people in Eden were so...stuck.

“Would you tell me if you’re not OK?” he asked his mother. 

“Of course I would,” she said, and he knew that she was lying. It showed itself in the way she did not look him in the eyes. Even without looking at her he could tell. “I know. You take care of me too.”

What was he supposed to say in response to something like that? When he knew that he did not. When he knew that he was about as effective an influence in her life as God was. If he kept pressing, if he kept asking her if she was OK, she would get upset with him, something which he could not bear. All he could do was grit his teeth and watch, pretend that he was not watching. All he could do was remain passive in hopes that he did not make anything worse. It was like that. She was not the only person who he wanted to protect, as loathe as he was to admit it.

AJ pressed his fist even harder into his leg— as hard as he could-- but it didn’t hurt; he didn’t feel it at all.

KIP NGUYEN

“You have the 16th highest GPA in your cohort,” said Ekala, one of the many Special Education counselors in the Ed. District. “That’s amazing, Christopher. That’s unprecedented. You can do anything you want to, if you put your mind to it. You can get scholarships, grants, all kinds of things with grades like that. Don’t you feel proud of yourself?”

Kip Nguyen, leaning back in his chair inside of the drab little office in which he had been meeting Ekala weekly for the last 4 years, looked up at the ceiling. The white plaster made him feel trapped. The tiny room with only enough space for a desk and an extra chair also made him feel trapped. He jiggled his leg. “No. Nope. Why should I?”

His SpEd counselor’s face was kind. She was kind. He knew that she actually cared about him and that she wouldn’t have chosen to go into the career path that she had if she didn’t have empathy. It was just that empathy and compassion didn’t matter in Eden, not really. Those weren’t traits that changed things on a large scale. “You’ve overcome a lot in your life. You’ve accomplished a lot. You should feel proud of yourself.”

“Why?” Kip asked again. He kept jiggling his leg.

“Because— because you should. //I// feel proud of you, you know.”

At a different point in his life, that kind of validation might have meant a lot. Now it was just sort of useless. Kip hated sitting in a chair in front of her for an hour every week. It was increasingly difficult for him to restrain himself, since he wanted to jump up and move around and talk. Whenever he was in meetings with teachers or his SpEd counselor, he could talk, he just couldn’t say the things that he wanted to say. In order to keep himself safe, he had to make himself...less than he was. Less energetic, less noisy. If he acted in accordance with his nature, the people who were in positions of power over him might get mad.

“I’m glad that //you// feel proud of me,” Kip told her. “But I don't think that really matters. Why does that matter? You know? For my future?”

Ekala looked at him flatly. She was young, less than 30 anyway, and kept her hair in short cornrows. The black uniform that every teacher, counselor, and professor wore in the Education District did not serve to make her prettier, it served as a reminder of who was really in charge. It served as a reminder that when it came down to brass tax, she held power over him that he could never contest. “You don’t feel proud of yourself for your hard work? You’ve come a long way in just two years.”

“It doesn’t //matter// if I’m proud of myself. Materially, I mean. It does not matter. The system doesn’t care about my self esteem, it doesn’t care about anyone.” As those words were coming out of his mouth, he realized that he needed to shut up. His Special Ed counselor wrote something down on her tablet, then looked back up at him like she expected him to say something else crazy. As usual, he could not help himself. “How does being proud of myself help pay 25,000 credits a year for college? It doesn’t.”

“Your grades mean you’ll qualify for scholarships.”

“They don’t give out scholarships to people like me.” It was true. She would try to dispute it but Kip knew it was true; he had talked to other people who had been arrested, other people who had been locked up either in the Youth Detention Center or the Prison District itself. His new friends were in the most part college students majoring in law, economics, or journalism, and all of them were being crushed by mountains of debt that they would never be able to pay off, no matter how hard they worked. Their backgrounds meant that the sprawling college administration hesitated to grant them any money, and their interests only solidified this. Eden did not reward those who were interested in social services or public works, Eden only rewarded those who could contribute to concrete betterment. In the Colony, STEM was everything. “They don’t give scholarships to anyone like me.”

That was not to say that he did not want to go to college. The idea of going into a career where he did something that changed things, a career where he was actually able to help people was like a far off dream to him. It just wasn’t feasible.

“You say that like you’ve already decided that you’re not going to try,” said Ekala. She rested her chin on the palm of her hand. “Is that why you don’t feel proud of yourself?”

Kip exhaled heavily and vigorously rubbed his head with his left hand, his uninjured hand, messing up his hair. “You’re not listening to me.”

“I’m listening to you.”

“//No//, you’re not. I’m //trying// to explain that it doesn’t //matter// because I either have to be in debt for the rest of my life or beg for scholarships I’ll never qualify for because I was in the YDC for 8 months. It doesn’t matter how I //feel// unless somebody does something to actually change things.”

Nobody listened, nobody ever listened. It was why he always had to make a scene to get his needs met or to get his points across. It was easier to be quiet and just take things, but Kip couldn’t do it. He couldn’t ever shut up and act passively, he couldn’t ever roll over. It made things harder for him and it made people dislike him, but it was better than acting like a doormat. He would not let people walk all over him.

When he was agitated he could not stop jiggling his legs or picking at himself, which was to say that he was always jiggling his legs or picking at himself. It took all his self control not to start scratching at one of the zits on his jawline.

Ekala’s face was very kind and understanding. She was a good person, he could see it in her eyes. He could see how much she wanted to help him, she just didn’t understand and would never be able to. “I’ve told you before that having to be detained as a minor doesn’t necessarily mean anything; you can even petition to have your record expunged. Do you want to fill out some scholarship forms with me? I could--”

Kip stood up without warning and realized that he had clenched his fists. WIth great difficulty he unclenched them. He knew that his eyes, which were already too big, were probably bulging out of his head. Due to the lack of space and the forcefulness of his movement, his chair scooted back toward the door when he stood. Aware of his capacity to make other people feel frightened because of his demeanor or his actions, his heart rate increased at the thought that he might frighten his counselor and make her press her panic button and throw him back in the Youth Detention Center.

He could not go back there. He could not be trapped like that again.

But his counselor did not react with fear. She smiled at him kindly. There was a big gap between her front teeth. “OK. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Do you need space?”

He grabbed up his bag which had been sitting at his feet and shouldered it. Everything he wanted to say to her swirled up from his heart and he had to keep his mouth clamped shut so that he did not start yelling again. Kip wanted to yell at her. It wouldn’t make him feel better, just like punching walls didn’t make him feel better. The only purpose yelling would serve would be to expel an iota of the endless energy his mind and body produced.

Ekala had given him an out though. That was more than most teachers did for him.

“Yeah. Space,” he said, not looking at her.

“Can you check in with me tomorrow then?”

Kip nodded. What other choice did he have? His heart pounding, he left the miserable little office. Even though he had recently turned 18 and was legally an adult in the eyes of the state, he was still being controlled by others.

The floors that he attended most of his classes on were similar to the floors of the normal high school. It wasn’t like the Prison District or anything, there was just a smaller teacher to student ratio. Supposedly the extra teachers were there to give students who needed more support the help that they needed, but Kip didn’t believe that for a second.

(I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WRITE. KIP BEING ANNOYING)

“What’s wrong with your hair?” he asked Esther. Usually her limp orange hair fell flatly to her shoulders, but now it had some volume to it.“Why did you fuck with your hair? Haha, did you curl it? You look like a, a, I don’t know. You look bad.”

Esther didn’t answer him, she just fluffed up her hair. Kip attempted to put his hands in it and mess it up and she smacked him in the face. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Ow!” He tried harder to mess up her hair and she smacked him again. Kip tried to hit her back but missed because she was slightly taller than he was. “What’s wrong with me?? What’s wrong with you??” They swatted at each other furiously for a couple more seconds before separating, breathing hard.

It had been like this with Esther ever since they were kids. Kip had met her when he was 8 and she was 7 and they had been squabbling ever since. Something about their personalities did not mesh, maybe because of certain similarities that they shared. Both of them were eldest children with high intensity and a list of diagnoses. They loved each other very much, they just didn’t like each other.

“Nothing’s wrong with me,” said Esther. She was already beet-red.

“Nothing’s wrong with me either!” responded Kip. 

There was absolutely something wrong with both of them. 

“Take some deep breaths then or something, you look manic. Are you off your meds?”

“Oh, that is so patronizing coming from you. You really are nuts, Esther. You take some deep breaths.”

“No, YOU take some deep breaths! Goddammit. I hate you.”

Kip laughed, feeling his body grow light with his fondness for his friend. She was a good match for him. Even fighting with her was fun, he liked to fight. Sometimes it was easy to forget his loneliness, that void filled with distractions such as politics or arguments online. Those distractions were destructive and he knew it. Being around people who cared about him was the truest form of distraction.

“How are the twins?” he asked her

“Oh my God, so annoying. They both have a crush on the same boy and they won’t shut up about him, I want to shove them both out of a window.”

“How would that even work? What happens if the guy actually likes one of them back?”

“The other one would kill that twin and act as a replacement, I guess.”

Kip tried to mess with Esther’s hair again and she widened her candy-apple green eyes at him as a threat. At her feet, the Creature which was her constant companion wound itself between her legs, rubbing itself at her ankles and making a curious sound, something in between a growl and a purr. It was a lethargic beast and only really seemed to be slightly cognizant, only really becoming active when Esther’s emotions ran high. Most of the time, Kip tried not to look at it so that he didn’t look like he was crazy. He wasn’t crazy, not the way that Esther was. He didn’t see things that weren’t really there. But it seemed as though she and him were the only people who could see it.

It was not the only black and gelatinous creature in Eden, but it was the only one that Kip had actually been close to. The others oozed around in the cover of the alleys in the Lower Districts, or scurried chattering into the pipes when he walked by. A few times he had seen them following people around. Some of them had legs like Esther’s did but most of them wriggled unnaturally like cat-sized mounds of black jello. To his knowledge they were harmless, bycatch that had fallen out of the Rift centuries ago. 

Esther’s monster raised it’s skull-like head to gaze at him out of its empty eye sockets. He quickly looked away. Not real not real not real.

“Is your hand OK?” said Esther, noticing the injury for the first time. 

He opened his fingers and made a fist a couple of times, wincing. The wounds on his knuckles had not yet scabbed over and it was painful to move it. It was bad, but it wasn’t broken; he knew from experience what it felt like to break the bones in his hand from punching something.

“Did you punch a wall again?” Esther asked him. Kip glared at her and felt his face grow hot. He didn’t need to answer. “Why do you keep doing that? Did you go to a doctor?”

This was starting to feel like an interrogation. “Doctor? No way I’m going to a doctor for this. I’m not like you people. I’m fine, you should see the wall in my kitchen.”

“‘You people’? If you were like me, you wouldn’t have hit the wall in the first place. You would be able to stay in control.”

He cared about Esther and her awful little siblings and loved them with his whole heart, but sometimes they really got on his nerves. They thought that they were better than he was and he tried not to hold that against them. His friends in the revolutionary socialist group he had recently joined talked a lot about how Artificials were a physical manifestation of how the bourgeoisie wanted to separate from the proletariat-- the rich had practically invented a new species of human. Posthumans. Genetic engineering and biotechnology operated to keep the wealthy in control, then allowed them to say it is in their nature.

Kip knew what people like Esther really thought about him. They thought he was a bug.

It was a struggle. He cared a lot about individuals, but if he started to think about what that meant in the context of the big picture, he started to get upset. 

Kip tugged the sleeve of his heavy old police jacket down over his injured hand to hide it. He’d gotten a lot of questions about his jacket when he started going to EWP meetings-- and he had gotten straight up hostility when he graduated to going to United People’s Liberation Org meetings. UPLO was strongly against Eden’s police state, which was fair since police misconduct was a hot topic in leftist circles. But the jacket had belonged to his birth mother. It was one of the only things that he had of hers.

It was also black, so it went with everything he wore, which meant that he wore it every day. Even though he had hit his growth spurt a few years ago and was reaching 5’10”, it was still too large for him. Whenever he could not find it, or whenever it got dirty or caught on something, he felt scared that he would lose it. And he would lose her again.

He didn’t remember the day that she had killed herself but he knew that he had been there. They had found him in a closet. One time Ma had gotten so drunk that she had told him when she found him, she had picked him up and there had been blood all over his clothes. So that meant-- so that meant he must have touched...

It was a good thing that he didn’t remember. Kip didn’t remember a lot of things. 

“What’s your girlfriend’s name again?” he asked Esther, trying to change the subject and take his focus away from his dead mother.

“Rosie. Rosaline Church. I wouldn’t have met her if she hadn’t been changed to my cohort this year.”

It took a lot for Kip to keep the look of judgement from his face, he always felt a twinge of disgust when he heard that relatively common surname. It was hard to not feel biased. His healthy mistrust of organized religion led him to be wary when it came to people who were raised in any of the Church-run residential group homes in the Lower Levels. In his opinion, organizations such as that needed to be eradicated by the State. “Still going good, huh?”

Esther shrugged. “It hasn’t been a month yet but yeah, I like her. She’s...solid? I don’t know how to describe her. She doesn’t get freaked out by things.”

“Of course she doesn’t get freaked out, she probably deals with fucked up shit all the time. You know those religious people dunk babies underwater, right? Did you know they practice circumcision? Ugh, I mean, right? Isn’t that insane? That’s like, that’s just so--”

“I don’t know anything about it,” Esther cut him off before he could start ranting about all the crimes of religion. “When she talks about her gods it sounds like it makes her feel safe. I don’t think that’s that bad, you know? It’s just something people start thinking when they don’t want to accept that nothing happens after you die. At least she’s not one of the Rift worshippers. I think you’d like her.” She took out her communicator and pulled up a picture so that she could show him.

In the picture, Esther looked genuinely happy. It was not often that her eyes lit up when she smiled; usually she was so glazed over and vacant. She had her head resting on the broad shoulder of the other girl, Rosaline Church. Rosaline’s smile was also completely genuine. She had a handsome butch look about her, and the picture froze her gazing at Esther in the same way that she would gaze at an angel.

Still, Kip did not trust this new union. 

He raised his eyebrows. “OK. I see why you like her. Her arms are the same size as your waist.”

“Sometimes I really want to kill you.” Esther put her communicator back into her purse. 

“Just staying.”

“Right, like I’m just saying that sometimes I want to blow your brains out. You know that my mother raised her voice at Eddie last night because he tried to karate chop the kitchen table? That was all you.”

It was funny but it was also very much his fault. He and Kassidy always got into fights and the Bellamys had learned it from them. It was not the kind of behavior their mother would approve of. Back in middle school Esther had been in a fight with another kid and her mom got so angry that she made sure that kid would be in the Youth Detention Center until he turned 18. People like Esther and her siblings weren’t allowed to be physically violent, they could only express their rage in more acceptable, more insidious ways.

“Your mom’s gonna kill you if she finds out that you’re dating someone like a Church kid,” Kip told Esther. “She wants you to settle down with another Artificial, not some religious orphan pleb.”

“//If// she finds out.” Esther said glumly. “That’s not going to happen.”

“You know about class consciousness, right? My friend Lee told me about it. It’s the beliefs a person has about their social class. Your mom has strong class consciousness, it’s been like a decade and she still thinks I’m going to steal your shit. ”

“I don’t care.” She rolled her eyes.

The 5 minute bell rang. Kip sighed. He did not want to run back down to the Special Education floors. They were more controlled than the normal floors of the high school. He could not stand it. Even though he loved learning and enjoyed his classes, he could not stand being so watched and confined. The student-teacher ratio was higher on those floors.

“Just prepare yourself for when your mom does find out.” Kip checked his communicator for messages. “You’re gonna eventually slip up or get snitched on. And it isn’t cool to hide that you’re dating her, she’s gonna start thinking you’re ashamed of her eventually.”

He watched as Esther’s skin flushed and hated how easy it was for him to pick up on people’s sore spots. 

“Sorry,” he said. “Have you seen Kassidy today? I haven’t been able to get a hold of her. We were going to do something last night but I kind of dipped out because my mom was pissing me off.”

“She’s been weird lately,” said Esther, taking a step back to signal that she was ready to get back to class. “I think she’s mad at me, I kind of ignored her messages last night but I was with Rosie.”

“Kassidy wouldn’t care about getting ignored, people ignore her all the time.”

“I don’t know then.” Esther shrugged. “I’ll see you later. Want to get together tonight?”

Kip shook his head. “Nah I’m going to meet with some UPLO people and paint some signs. A couple of them are protesting AGA’s union busting practices.” He heard his friend make a scoffing little ‘ugh’ noise under her breath, but she was too far away for him to react to it. His heart twinged. “It’s actually really imp--”

But she was already gone.

Kip checked his messages again only to be met with nothing. He walked back to the elevator and pressed the button that would take him down to his floors, using his injured hand. He pressed a little too hard and winced, then leaned back against the rail and waited.

At times it was frustrating to feel like there was nobody else who shared his values. For a long time it had felt like he was alone, even when he was around his friends and his family who cared about him. Now he was finally starting to feel less alone, he had found people who truly understood him and who had shown him that it was OK to be passionate and sensitive. It was OK to care so deeply about things.

The thing that was hardest to accept was that he could not make others care as deeply as he did. No matter how much he yelled or screamed or fought, other people would not be able to see his point of view unless they were willing to.

It...hurt.

It hurt badly. And over the years, Kip had dealt with a lot of pain.

He looked down at his injured hand, with its scabbed over and cracked knuckles.

He made a fist. In the secrecy of that elevator, a translucent blue bubble of energy formed around his closed hand, protecting it completely from everything outside. When he unclenched his fist, that bubble disappeared and he was left vulnerable again. Sometimes Kip wished that he could create a bubble big enough to protect his whole body, so that at least physically he would never be hurt again-- but he did not know how to control this strange thing that he could do and he knew that it was not safe for anyone to see.

KASSIDY NGUYEN

Since waking up at 6:00, Kassidy had burned herself with her new straightening iron no less than 5 times. The contraption was difficult to use and it took forever since the texture of her curls was so coarse and because her hair was so thick. She had separated it all into sections to make it easier on herself like the tutorial online had instructed, but in her mind it was tedious and next to impossible. The air in the bathroom smelled like burning hair and she had reddish burn marks on her neck from accidentally touching herself with the iron.

Still, she was determined to look less ugly. 

She had bought some make-up after school the day before as well and began to clumsily apply it. The cosmetics aisle had been overwhelming, there were simply too many choices. Who needed that many choices when it came to make-up? It seemed like the cosmetics aisle was better stocked than the cereal aisle. Kassidy hadn’t known the first place to start. She had grabbed some foundation that may or may not have been a match for her medium skin tone. Really she just had to hope for the best. She had bought a tube of mascara and a little stick of plum lipstick as well, paying for it with money that her estranged grandparents had sent her for her 17th birthday.

Kassidy leaned close to the mirror so that she could apply the mascara without blinding herself. Her hand was shaky as she held it and dragged the wand across her stubby blonde lashes. Because she didn’t have eyelid creases she was unable to produce the effect that she wanted and the mascara ended up clumping despite her efforts.

She looked at her reflection and saw a different person. Usually her hair curled up to about shoulder length, but straightened, it fell down to the middle of her chest. The makeup didn’t quite match her skin tone, but it covered up the dark circles under her eyes. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she didn’t hate looking at herself. She did not immediately want to look away. Kassidy practiced smiling with her plum painted lips.

Her heart beat faster. This wasn’t terrible. She had been afraid that she would look like an embarrassment but she looked nice, especially when she smiled. She looked like somebody who she would want to be friends with.

Somehow this prospect frightened her more than being ugly.

Somebody banged on the bathroom door. “Hey, let me in,” said her brother. “Why is the door locked? What are you doing?” He rattled the doorknob, unable to help himself.

Kassidy looked at herself one more time in the mirror and wondered when the last time that she had made eye contact with herself for so long had been. Then she opened the door and let her brother into the bathroom, which was more or less a narrow hallway with a shower, toilet, and sink crammed into it.

“Why are you up so--” Kip began, then froze, staring at her. His face, at first bleary from sleep, grew shocked and his big brown eyes strained in his eye sockets. For a second he appeared to be uncharacteristically at a loss for words.

She crossed her arms and hunched her shoulders. Instead of the baggy jeans and t-shirt she usually wore, she had put on black leggings and a green tunic she had purchased from one of the Church charity bins. It was strange and new and she waited for him to react or say something, say anything.

Kip started to laugh. He shook his head. “What are you dressed as?” he asked her. “What did you do to your hair? It looks so-- so stupid! Oh my god, oh my god, what’s going on? Are you wearing make-up? What is this? What are you dressed as?” He kept laughing.

Kassidy punched him in the arm and Kip laughed harder. She punched him again. “I’m trying something new, asshole.”

“You look like a clown. Why’d you put that shit around your eyes, it’s totally uneven.”

Hot anger rose from her chest to her face. She could feel it roiling beneath her skin, even though she knew that she never blushed. Her skin was already a dark tan with warm undertones, if she blushed it was hard to see it. “Shut up,” she said, pushing past him and stomping out to the kitchen. He continued to laugh at her as she went, it was never a normal laugh, always a braying belly laugh. 

Was it that bad? Were they going to laugh at her too? She would rather die. It wasn’t anything new to get made fun of but after she had tried so hard to make herself more presentable, Kassidy knew that getting laughed at would be unbearable. 

In the kitchen, Dana Nguyen was already awake and ready for work. She had her head down on the kitchen table, wallowing in whatever depressive thoughts had overcome her that day. Her job was important so Kassidy didn’t understand why her mother acted like she hated going in every day. As Eden’s Police Commissioner, she was one of the most powerful people in the Colony after the Mayor and the Central Committee. 

“What are you two yelling about now?” she asked Kassidy without moving.

“Kip is a fucking prick.”

“I’ve known that since he was 13.”

“I’m going to push him down the stairs.”

Her mother lifted herself up, her glasses crooked on her face. She did not appear to have slept well the night before. When she saw Kassidy, she squinted at her and frowned like she smelled something bad.

“What?” Kassidy asked, angry and hot with blood. She crossed her arms. “What do you wanna say, Ma?”

P.C. Dana Nguyen vaguely gestured at her daughter. “Is this some kind of... of scheme that you’re pulling, or should I be worried about you?”

Scheme? Kassidy didn’t pull schemes. She didn’t say anything, she just smoothed down her hair and skulked around behind the table to get into the fridge. The inside of it was empty except for mustard, a couple of nutritional shakes, and a 12 pack of beer. Something about seeing her family’s lack of food made her grit her teeth and swallow down her hateful words. Where did her mother get off on judging her when she didn’t ever go to the store to buy things to feed her family?

She shut the fridge and poured herself a cup of coffee, took a sip, then almost had to spit it out. Sludge. It was so thick that it was no good to her either.

Kip came out of the bathroom and pulled up a chair at the table, still laughing.He didn’t have any space to laugh at her! He wore the same stupid old police jacket he wore every day, still had acne on the sides of his face, and the only reason he didn’t have a unibrow anymore was because he had begged for laser hair removal for his 16th birthday. For some reason he thought the sight of his sister actually making an effort was hilarious. She made an obscene gesture at him and drank her undrinkable coffee.

“She’s dressed like a clown,” Kip repeated to their mother in a wheezing, high pitched voice intending to mock. Kassidy’s fingers tightened around her mug because she wanted to throw it. “Ma, ma, look. Look!”

Their mother smacked him. “Will you shut up? Kassidy, what’s going on? You going on a date or something?” Her brother cackled.

It was better not to say anything. After all, it wasn’t like she could tell them the truth! If her mother learned the truth of who she had been hanging out with lately, she would freak out and ruin everything. That couldn’t happen.

Very carefully, she set the mug on the counter next to the sink. She didn’t wash it out. Dishes rarely got done in their household, they just rinsed things off and re-used them. It was easier that way. For some reason, Esther’s little siblings always whined and complained when they came over and had to eat off of their dishes. 

As calmly as she could, Kassidy turned to face her family. She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “I just wanted to look pretty today, that’s literally it. I just wanted to look nice.”

For a moment, her mother and brother stared at her like she was an animal in the zoo, as if they could not comprehend this simple desire. And then Kip started to laugh at her again.

“Why would you try to look pretty?” he asked her. “You’re never gonna be pretty!”

Kassidy knocked her mug off the counter, sending it to the floor where it shattered. She turned and stormed out without another look at her family, grabbing her bookbag on the way. As she left, she could hear her mother start to scream at Kip.

They couldn’t help being the way that they were. They had known her her whole life so it was hard for them to be nice to her.

As she made her way to a cafe she had never been in, Kassidy thought about the person who had only ever been nice to her.

She thought about the person who she had been focused on for days.

Her name was Cassiopeia Agapama, but she liked to be called Casey, and Kassidy had never met anyone so dynamic. Casey was always in motion, but not in the same way that Kip was; she was graceful and had complete control over her body in the way that a dancer has. Even though she was an Artificial, she hadn’t been tweaked in that way that made all of them look unnatural. Her black eyes were turned up at the corners which made it look like she was always smiling-- and she was always smiling with those straight white teeth that contrasted perfectly against her dark, clear skin. It was difficult to look at her, not because she was so beautiful-- and she was beautiful, just not obviously so-- but because something about her was impossibly compelling. It was like looking at the heart of a star.

Casey waved Kassidy over. She and her sister were already seated at a booth. “Hiiii,” said Casey, and when Kassidy sat down beside her, she immediately touched her hair. “Wow. You straightened your hair? That’s so crazy.” Casey’s own hair was dyed pink and fell right below her ears in countless micro-braids. 

Whenever Casey touched her, Kassidy felt afraid. She knew that Casey was dangerous, she knew who her father was and what Casey had probably been exposed to her entire life. Simply being close to Casey filled her with adrenaline and every smart part of her brain told her that she needed to run away. But she could not. That same fear also compelled her to be close to her.

“I wanted to try something new.”

“Aw, I like it.” Casey hid her smile behind a hand bedecked with silver rings. “You look tiny without it all poofy. You’re itty bitty. Teeny tiny.”

“You missed a spot in the back,” said Casey’s sister, whose name was Ayda. Unlike Casey, Ayda was obviously beautiful, but not at all compelling. She was tall and heavy, with soft feminine features. While Casey was energizing, Ayda was languid and slow. It was impossible for them to be blood related; Ayda was certainly adopted seeing as she wasn’t black, but Kassidy was too uncomfortable around her to ask. “It’s like, sticking up. In the back.”

Kassidy flattened her hair down with one hand. Any moisture in the air would just make it poof up again. Casey laughed but it didn’t seem like she was laughing at her, at least not on purpose. It was more like she was laughing at the situation.

“You didn’t get it…” said Ayda, who cut her eyes up briefly at Kassidy before returning to her communication device, which she never seemed to stop typing on.

“Your hair looks fine,” laughed Casey.

“It doesn’t. It really doesn’t,” said Ayda. 

It was hard to understand what was going on between the two of them. That was not because they were wealthy. After all, Kassidy had been friends with Esther for years and she wasn’t weird in the way that Casey and Ayda were weird. It was like there was a joke they knew about that Kassidy was not privy to. Even so, she wanted to be in on the joke.

Being around Casey felt like someone was always paying attention to her. She had never felt that way. So even if she was strange and frightening, the attentiveness made Kassidy want to spend time with her.

It had been a long time since she had made a new friend. It had been years, since the only real friend she had ever made was Esther. Ever since Casey had introduced herself to her in class several days previously, the icy ball of loneliness inside of Kassidy had started to melt.

“Don’t tell me that you did that to yourself just because you started hanging out with us,” snickered Ayda. She wound a strand of her own long dark hair around one finger as if she was bored. When she smiled, only one corner of her mouth turned up. “Aw. That’s sad. Peeeeer Pressurrre...”

That made Casey laugh as well, but it was short, more of a reaction than anything else. Laughing. Always laughing. Again, Kassidy swallowed the urge to laugh with her, whatever joy Casey felt was contagious.

It wasn’t that Kassidy was unhappy, but she wasn’t happy either. She wasn’t exposed to people who were happy all the time. Her mother never laughed and rarely smiled. Kip laughed and smiled a lot, but lately that laughter and those smiles were more angry than happy.

The small moments where she did feel happy were ones she wanted to cling to. It was why she had made up her mind to hang out with Cassiopeia after the other girl first seemed to extend her friendship to her. It was nice to feel...light.

The funny thing was that over the handful of times they had hung out, Casey didn’t seem to talk to anyone else or even message anyone else. Well, everyone knew her-- how could they not, with who her dad was. All kinds of rumours went around school about the kind of person Casey was. All kinds of rumours about how she hurt people. Kassidy couldn’t see any of that. She saw someone who gave her her full attention and was always laughing.

Maybe she really was stupid. A small part of herself believed that, it was the part that told her that she could never ever tell her brother about her new friends because if he found out, his eyeballs would burst from all the screaming.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Casey asked her. Casey had already ordered a mug with a latte in it, and her sister was sipping on orange juice. 

Kassidy, who had a total of 12 credits left in her account, had no intention of wasting any more money. This was not the kind of place that people who were like her went to get breakfast before school. She shrugged. “I ate at home.”

“Really?”

“Uh.” It was hard to lie when Casey was looking at her. Kassidy lied all the time but her brain felt frozen then. She glanced to the side to break the intense eye contact with this strange girl. “Well.”

Ayda snickered.

“Do you drink coffee?” asked Casey. “It’s good here, I promise. Can I buy you a coffee? I bet I could pick something for you that you’ll fucking love, it’s one of my talents.”

This was how people ended up selling their souls but Casey’s little pink braids circled her head like a halo. Again, Kassidy had to swallow the strong instinct to run which interfered with the hysterical feelings of happiness. She would rather feel happy.

“Yeah, OK,” she said, too stupid to think up anything clever. “Thanks.” She watched Casey get up and walk to the cafe’s counter, where the other girl proceeded to give her complete focus to the barista who was working.

This was really scary. Kassidy wondered if her makeup was melting off her face because of how hot and sweaty she was. That was the last thing she needed.

“Oh my goddd,” said Ayda as she typed into her comm without looking up. 

Unfortunately, with Casey out of the way, Kassidy was comfortable enough to be a bitch right back to her. She scowled, which wasn’t helpful when a person wasn’t paying attention. “Hey,” she snapped. It must have surprised Ayda because her whole big body flinched at the aggressive tone of voice directed towards her. “You gotta problem? What’s so funny?” Ayda’s size relative to hers didn’t scare her, she had squared off with a bully three times her size as a middle schooler. This was the kind of person she got the distinct impression could not fight even a person who weighed 93 pounds.

You can always tell when a person isn’t used to being talked to in a certain way.

Blood rushed to Ayda’s face and turned her light olive complexion pink. Kassidy felt herself blush as well, although there was no reason for it. “Funny?” asked Ayda in a high pitched little bitch voice of a person who acts tough but is scared of direct confrontation. She kept typing but was now looking at Kassidy.

“You keep laughing.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yeah you do. Why the fuck are you laughing at me?” Kassidy made a jerky aggressive gesture with her chin.

Suddenly it felt like her body was covered in something thick and sticky, like honey. Heavy. Alarmed, she touched her own face as if to see if something had dripped on her from the ceiling, but there was nothing. The sensation was so alarming that for a moment, she forgot to breathe. Stupid. She was so stupid, what was wrong with her? Why was she even trying to make new friends? She was so unlikable and ugly, Casey was probably only pretending to be nice to her so that she could make fun of her. Unbidden, these negative thoughts about herself were more concerning than the sticky heaviness that seemed to crush her.

The strange feelings left as quickly as they had come. Kassidy gasped.

Something was wrong but the pieces of the puzzle were not all available to her. They never were. She usually just assumed that she was going insane.

Ayda stopped typing. A call beeped on her communication device and she swiped to ignore it. She glanced at her Casey, who was still chatting with the barista up front as she waited for coffee, like she was checking to see if she was looking back. “My sister is funny, that’s all.”

The tone in Ayda’s voice was not explicitly hostile, but there was still hostility in her. Kassidy knew when she was getting fucked with or bullied, and as genuine as Casey seemed to her, her sister seemed superficial. Like every other mean girl bully. The best way to ward someone like that off was to hit them right back.

The kid who had bullied her back when she was in middle school had been named Ben. Why was she thinking about him? She never thought about him anymore. He had been big and mean too, and when Kassidy finally got tired of him shoving her around, she and Esther had figured out a way to hurt him worse than he could hurt them.

But Kassidy wasn’t 12 anymore. She couldn’t just hit people and make them leave her alone. That stops being an option when you grow up.

“I didn’t even know that Casey had a sister,” she said, proud of herself for the way she was about to twist the knife in. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you on TV when your dad does something, even though he doesn’t shut up about her in his interviews. I’ve seen him say ‘Casey this, Casey that’ but he’s never talked about you. I’ve never even heard anyone say your name. You shy or something? You awkward? To me it looks like your dad is hiding you.”

The sounds of the other people in the cafe were loud in comparison to their own table. Ayda’s eyes were so large and placid that Kassidy could see her own distorted reflection within them. And beyond them was...nothingness. That was not to say that she got the impression that Ayda’s mind was empty. It was more like there was a...blankness inside of her that, like her eyes were dark pools of water that were impossibly deep. She grew more uncomfortable and was unable to keep making eye contact.

Again, a call beeped on Ayda’s comm, and this time she answered it.

“What’s going on?” The voice on the other line was a boy’s, funny and round sounding like he had some kind of speech impediment, but not any speech impediment Kassidy had ever heard. “Who’s bothering you, eh? Tell him to fuck off.”

If she craned her neck, Kassidy could see the little screen that was strapped to Ayda’s wrist, but didn’t feel like it. Very briefly she could see a blur of black and pink. In Eden, it was considered very rude to VidChat with someone without earbuds in, especially in a public place like a cafe. It certainly wasn’t normal.

“If he’s hurting your feelings, tell him your dad is going to break his fingers with a sledgehammer,” said the boy with the funny voice. “Quit crying and bitching and whining to me about it if you aren’t gonna do anything about it.”

Kassidy picked up her own portable device and pretended to message someone so that if other people were staring, they’d think that she was normal. 

Usually she would be hanging out with Esther and Kip right now. They’d be doing the same things they always did, talking about stupid stuff and arguing. All of their lives were changing. She was happy that Esther had a girlfriend now, just like she was happy that Kip had found some kind of purpose in his life, but she missed them.

“It’s not a boy, it’s one of my sister’s creepy new projects,” said Ayda into her communicator.

“I’m right here,” said Kassidy. “I can hear you.”

Before things could continue to escalate, Casey returned with a mug full of liquid and whipped cream.Before she sat down, she put the mug into Kassidy’s hands. She glanced at Ayda, who rudely had her communicator on, and her face lit up. “Mart-o!” she exclaimed, and grabbed at Ayda’s wrist so that she could get a good look. “Heyyy, my fav-o-rite greasy boy!”

The mug was warm in Kassidy’s hands. She looked down at it and saw that there was a star drawn in chocolate syrup floating on top of the whipped cream. When she lifted it to take a sip, the liquid was too hot to drink. For a second she wondered if Casey had just handed her poison because her fucked up evil dad wanted to do something that would hurt her mother, the Police Commissioner. She would probably drink it anyway though.

Casey pulled Ayda’s communicator off and fiddled with the settings so that the little screen expanded, then set it propped up in the middle of the table so that everyone could see it. Now that Kassidy could get a better look, she saw that the person who had called Ayda was a boy with pink cheeks and fluffy black hair. He looked a bit younger than she was and the room he was sitting in was strangely decorated in earth tones and rough furniture. He gave Kassidy a sneer.

“Have you met Marty?” Casey asked her. “He plays Candle Quest with Ayda. Marty, this is my new friend Kassidy. Doesn’t her hair look cute?”

“I didn't think you were capable of desiring friendship,” said the boy, Marty. He messed with a handheld game console, his image being captured by a desktop computer that he was sitting in front of. “I thought you didn’t have feelings. Like a reptile.”

Casey laughed. “What are you talking about? That is so funny!”

Kassidy blew on the mug of coffee and took a careful sip. The taste was something that she could not place, sweet and grassy. It wasn’t bad. She looked at the little star drawn in the whipped cream.

“We’re skipping class anyway,” Casey told the boy in the communicator. “We have to run back home because there’s a package coming that Yura and Emily can’t sign for.”

“I can’t skip class,” said Kassidy.

“Nobody said that you’re included in this…” said Ayda. “What makes you think you’re included? You can’t ever come to our house. Our dad has like, a picture of your mom on the wall that he throws knives at. You will never step foot inside of our house.”

“Haha, well maybe someday!” Casey patted Kassidy on the back and it was hard for her not to stiffen at the touch. “We’re all getting along so well right now anyway, you guys. What are you doing today, Marty? What are you up to at the unwashed freakshow?”

Marty didn’t answer or even look back up. He typed something on his handheld device. On the wall behind him hung a strange looking long-gun that resembled the ones in videos about the time before the Rift split open. It looked like it was made out of wood, a commodity that was next to impossible to procure in Eden. Kassidy squinted to get a better look at it.

The gun didn’t have a visible magazine and appeared to have two barrels. The sling that it hung on had been decorated with shiny circles that could have been badges, but were too far away to recognize. Even if one of Marty’s family members was a cop-- as legally, the State did not allow private citizens to own firearms-- a cop would not own a gun that looked like that, much less display it. It looked like it belonged in a museum.

She wanted to ask him about it. Instead, she drank the strange drink that Cassiopeia Agapama had bought her. 

They-- well, mostly Ayda and Marty-- continued to talk and bicker about things and people that only confused Kassidy. She felt like such an outsider, she didn’t know anyone who they knew. Sometimes Marty used words that she had never heard before, which lost her even more. When she checked her own communicator for messages, Esther hadn’t sent her anything and Kip had sent her a single laughing-crying emoji which reminded her that she wanted to kill him.

“Are you 18 yet, Kassidy?” Casey asked her. She rested her chin on one hand; her fingernails were long and sharp and painted pink.

“I will be in January.”

“Oh, my birthday is in November. That’s exciting, you’ll be able to vote on Foundation Day in May. Aren’t you excited to vote in our first real election in decades?”

To disguise her confusion, Kassidy took another long sip of her drink. “Uh. I mean. I guess? I’m not really into politics. I think things are basically fine.”

Casey leaned closer to her. “Don’t you think that the government should have less control, though? Especially when it comes to the free market. I think the state needs to get out of people’s business.”

“I don’t really care,” said Kassidy, who already knew she would be voting for Jay Malena in May. Voting for West Agapama, the guy who consistently terrorized the police and made jokes about her mother in his television interviews was not going to cut it for her. Even Kip was going to vote for Malena, and Kip’s whole life revolved around politics. Malena was OK. Whenever she saw him on TV, he was always smiling, and one time she had met him when she was in the Capitol column with her mother. He had even shaken her hand. “I don’t understand any of it.”

It wasn’t the answer that Casey wanted to hear and she could tell. She chewed on her lower lip.

From Ayda’s communicator, Marty exhaled loudly. “Voting is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of, I don’t understand why you people vote. Why do you think you know as much as the people who are already in charge.”

“Oh, shut up freak,” snapped Casey. Anger flashed across her face like a thunderclap, blinding and awful, and it vanished as quickly as it had arrived. When it came down to it, she was capable of being terrible.

“Ugh.” Ayda rolled her eyes. “Dumb!”

“It’s stupid,” he continued. “Everything you’ve told me about your dad running for king or whatever is stupid. How is some random person supposed to become a ruler? How are random people supposed to make a choice about that? The way we do things up here now makes more sense, we’ve fought for years for one powerful leader. You people are the dumb ones for voting.”

Whatever secret joke Marty shared with Casey and Ayda was incomprehensible to Kassidy. To her it sounded like he lived somewhere that people did not vote, but as far as she knew it was mandatory across all of Eden’s Districts. And outside of Eden and her equally democratic sister Colonies of Serenity and Green River, there was nothing. There was poisoned air and twisted mutants, transformed by the Rift.

The thoughts she was having were illogical.

Still, Kassidy stared at the strange gun behind Marty. What use did firearms have…She finished her drink.

“Your life is terrible, Marty,” said Casey. She poked the screen with her finger like she wanted to poke him and he stared at her nonplussed. “You have the worst life. Your life is actually tragic. You wish you were sitting here with us, talking about voting.”

“I am sitting with you and talking about voting.”

 Casey jabbed the little screen with her sharp manicured nail. She was...she was a lot like Kip in some ways, which was disturbing. They were both creatures of pure impulse, but what was annoying in her brother was fascinating in Casey. It was hard to look away. “Why are you so sassy today, huh? You think we don’t outnumber you just because you see Kassidy here?”

“Don’t break my comm again,” Ayda whined. “Case…”

Marty’s face was soft but his big black eyes were mean. He glanced briefly at Kassidy, who was still watching him intently. “What is sassy?”

“Bitchy. It means bitchy.”

“You’re the bitch.”

And Kassidy couldn’t take it any longer. She cleared her throat awkwardly, which surprised the sisters and reminded them of her presence. “Marty, what class are you in?” she asked him, but in her heart she already knew the answer. “Are you a 1st year? You might know my friend Esther Bellamy’s younger siblings.”

Ayda’s cheeks flushed and she grabbed her communication device like she had been doing something wrong. Casey laughed, shaking her head. “What? You don’t need to talk to him. That’s crazy. Hey, did you like the drink I picked out for you? Didn’t I tell you that I have a special gift when it comes to knowing what people like to eat? I did good, right?” She reached out like she wanted to touch Kassidy’s hair again but pulled back her hand.

“It’s fine I guess.” When she said that, Casey’s eyes went wide like nobody had ever given her a lukewarm reaction. Kassidy pressed on, the inexorable curiosity propelling her. “Do you not go to school, Marty?”

“Obviously I don’t go to school.” He was playing with his handheld device again and unlike his friends, did not seem to be bothered by the question. “School is stupid and a waste of time, why would I go to school? I couldn’t go to school even if I wanted to. Not that I would. I don’t.”

The state intranet was closed to other colonies. Even if someone from Green River or Serenity wanted to communicate with Eden, they could not unless they accessed one of the specific channels only intended for trade. Over the decades there had been dozens of hacking incidents directed from other Colonies and such communication was illegal.

Considering the type of man West Agapama was though, and considering that his fortune had been made shipping goods to and from the sister Colonies, this was not that surprising.

So Marty didn’t have a speech impediment, he had an accent. Accents in Eden were divided primarily between the Upper and Lower Levels-- anyone talking to Kassidy could easily figure out where she was from. Maybe everyone who lived where Marty lived spoke round little words like he did and didn’t understand what ‘sassy’ meant.

“I didn’t realize you were smart,” said Casey in a voice that could have been kind or cruel. “That’s nice.”

“I’m not smart,” said Kassidy, who believed that she wasn’t. “I saw the rifle behind him. Nobody in Eden has firearms like that, not even in a museum. Marty, is that yours? What do you need that for in Serenity? I always heard that they don’t have weapons at all there, at least that’s what my brother told me, but he’s always talking out of his ass.”

“I’m not from Serenity.”

Ayda groaned but did not make a move to turn off her communicator and banish Marty.

“Green River?”

“Nope.” Marty looked up from his game. “But my friends Wera and Seth are from Green River, we all play Candle Quest together. I wouldn’t want to be from there either, no way. That’s what I’m saying, everything I hear about the Colonies sounds so stupid.”

Poison air. Mutated flesh. The Rift, red and hungry across the sky.

Kassidy looked at the very normal and fluffy haired boy on Ayda’s screen like he was an exotic animal. Her heart beat faster. “So,” she said slowly. “So...so you mean that you’re not…”

The game that he was playing made a series of beeps and chimes and Marty smiled. He still had a lot of baby fat in his cheeks so smiling made him appear chunkier.. He put his handheld device down, quite proud of himself. “Can you really not beat that level, Ayda?” he asked, mockingly. “Yeah. No. I’m not from Serenity or Green River or Eden or any of the stupid Colonies. I’m from the Northern Territories.”

AJAX GUTTIEREZ

As usual, it had been an ordeal to get the kids up and ready for school. There was always some excuse they pulled out to avoid getting out of bed or to avoid getting ready. The two of them weren’t bad kids, they were both well behaved compared to what AJ was like at their ages. But for very different reasons, they did not want to go to school.

AJ sat on the metro with his elbows resting on his knees. He was exhausted, since he had put off writing a paper for too long and it was due that morning. Luckily he was still young enough to be able to pull all nighters, but whenever he blinked it felt like his eyelids stuck together. He rubbed his eyes but it didn’t help. Since the Prospas family home was located in District 1, the uppermost and wealthiest residential area and the only one located on the Surface, there weren’t many commuters going down to the Education District in the Mid Levels.

“I’m hungry,” whined Valentine, who was the youngest one at 9 years old, and who had undoubtedly had about 12 hours of sleep that night. “Can we go to the cafe to get doughnuts? I didn’t like my cereal, I want doughnuts.”

“You should have thought about that when you didn’t eat all your cereal,” said AJ. The kid was sitting next to him and kept trying to hold his hand, which he was getting a little too old for. AJ kept pulling his hand away. 

“I told you that I didn’t like it!” The only reason Valentine got away with acting the way that he did was because he was cute. His hair stuck up from his head in a loose afro and he had huge eyes, genetically modified to be yellow. His teeth were genetically modified as well; canines and incisors just large and sharp enough to give him a lisp. Because of this, and because of his genuinely happy and loving nature, he was never punished for misbehaving. “Can you get me doughnuts so I won’t get hungry at school?”

“No. You can’t have sugar for breakfast, it isn’t healthy.”

“I’m gonna be hungry though. I’m hungry now. Rome’s gonna be hungry too, he didn’t eat anything, right Rome?”

Rome, who was 14 and sitting on the other side of Valentine, briefly glanced over before re-focusing his own yellow eyes on his hands in his lap. “My stomach hurts. I think I’m sick.” Rome was the kind of kid who got scared whenever he had to get on public transportation, which was every day. 

“You’re not sick,” said AJ.

“I think I’m sick.”

“You’re making yourself sick because you’re thinking too hard about it.”

“Can I stay home from school?” Rome glanced back over at AJ. He looked scared and unhappy, but he always looked scared and unhappy. Rome kept his hair very short and neat, he buttoned his shirts all the way up to the top, and constantly worked himself up over nothing. “I feel like I’m going to throw up, I don’t want to go to school if I’m going to throw up. I’m nauseous. I don’t feel good, I’m sick. My stomach hurts.”

“If he gets to skip school, I get to skip school,” said Valentine. When he smiled he showed off incisors. The appearance of the Prospas children, with their glowing yellow eyes and sharp teeth, really revealed the values of their father. After all, he had paid ridiculous amounts of money 3 separate times to get his sons to appear predatory. Most Artificials just ended up appearing luminously beautiful in a way that was offsetting.

“Nobody is skipping school,” he said, shaking off his negativity. He pulled out his communicator to distract himself. “Your dad will get mad at me if I let you do that, he wants you guys to have a good education, it’s really important. Don’t you want to go to school and learn stuff? Just quit thinking about how you feel sick, Rome, I thought you were going to meet up with your new friends and go to class together.”

Rome looked back down at his hands. “I don’t think they’re really my friends. It’s only been two weeks. How long does it take?”

“They’re nice.” Valentine attempted to stick a hand into his brother’s bookbag and take something out of it, but Rome pulled the bag away and set it on his other side. “I like them. I like their hair. I want somebody to be my friend. Why does nobody in my class like me? Did you know that there’s something living in our shower drain, AJ? It’s like, it’s like blah blah blah, I think it talks to me more than people in my own class. AJ. Hey, AJ!”

The two Prospas children were difficult for AJ to take care of because they were unlike normal children in many ways. He cared about them and wanted them to be happy, but it was easy for him to feel irritated by the burden of his responsibility. Luckily he didn’t have to worry about them getting into fights or becoming violent with other children like Ben ---well. He didn’t have to worry about that aspect of their safety.

The metro lurched to its final stop before it started making its way down to the Mid Levels. A few more people walked in, probably professors. AJ briefly assessed them to determine whether they might be people who would do harm to the kids out of hatred for their father, then went back to his communicator.

He had been messaging a guy on a hook-up app for the last 24 hours. Talking with Jenny Qian really reminded him of how long it had been since he had gotten laid. It was going well, the two of them were planning on meeting up soon. It would be some much needed stress relief.

The guy, whose name was Harlan, seemed nice enough. Not that AJ cared about personality in this context. The important thing about this guy was that he was attractive-- thin, with a cheeky face which he hid behind a neat little beard. That was all AJ wanted when he was looking for a guy to hook up with: somebody cute and fun. His profile said that he was into some seriously stupid stuff though, but that was best not to dwell on. Whatever Harlan did in his free time, politics or whatever, AJ didn’t care about it  too much.

AJ accidentally opened his DMs to reveal a nude picture that Harlan had sent him the previous night. Panicking, he clicked out of the page and shoved his communicator back into his pocket before one of the kids glanced at it. Even as an accident, if he exposed them to something like that, their dad would absolutely beat him to death with something imaginative and then leave his body somewhere public. 

He sent Harlan a quick message about getting together that night or the night after but didn’t expect him to get back to him any time soon. The guy didn’t seem like an early riser, the ones who are simultaneously lazy and clever never were.

It would be nice if he was able to spend more of his time doing what he liked to do instead of worrying about dragging kids around.

“I hate sitting by myself at lunch, but I bet you like doing that, don’t you Rome?” said Valentine. “I bet you like sitting by yourself, don’t you? Don’t you? Hey! AJ! Didn’t you hear me say there’s something that talks in the shower? You didn’t laugh!”

AJ pinched the bridge of his nose. 

A few of the other passengers were talking amongst themselves but AJ was not listening to them. For all he knew they could be AGA goons who were there to kill him and kidnap the kids so that West Agapama could blackmail their father. Richard Prospas constantly worried over scenarios such as this, but to AJ’s knowledge it was not something that would ever happen. Agapama didn’t mess with other people’s kids, nobody who belonged to the Four Families did. Even in organized crime one had to have standards which expressed a code of honor. 

The real threat that AJ had to worry over was ordinary people. People like him. People who were poor and angry and had been wronged in some way by Prosperity, either through job lay-offs or through violence. It was those kinds of people who were desperate enough to act drastically and it was those kinds of people who posed the greatest threat.

Over the years, AJ had never had to protect the kids from anything. There was nobody who wanted to hurt them; how could anyone ever want to hurt a couple of sweet but stupid kids? He wasn’t really needed. He was not a bodyguard, he was a baby-sitter and he was tired of it.

The metro stopped at the first station of the enormous Education District and the people in their car started to get off. AJ pocketed his communicator, grabbed Valentine’s hand, and jerked his head toward the door to indicate to Rome that there was no wiggle room for truancy that day. Their stop was never crowded because they got there early and because the only people who rode in their car were from the 1st Residential District too. Rich people. Rich kids. It was easy to get on and off; some metro stops in the Lower Levels could take the better part of half an hour to navigate.

The best part about the Education District was how safe it was. You had to scan your ID in order to access each floor, which meant that nobody from the University floors could wander down to the elementary school floors, and vice versa. This could become an irritating problem when one needed to get to one’s child or sibling in an emergency, but it meant that unauthorized adults were unable to interact with kids at any time. Apart from the Capitol, it was the District with the highest level of security. AJ never felt anxiety when he was dropping the kids off for the school day.

Sure, kids could be violent too. He had learned that lesson when the eldest Prospas brother got himself sent to the Youth Detention Center indefinitely after he attacked a middle-school girl. At least that was one problem he didn’t have to worry about anymore. But the younger two were not anything like Ben: neither one of them had an aggressive bone in their bodies, so AJ didn’t worry.

He thought about the paper that he had due that morning and sighed. He’d get a B on it, a C at worse. AJ took his hair out of its ponytail and finger-combed it. Sleep. Rest. When was he going to just rest?

“Are you sure I can’t get a snack?” asked Valentine.

AJ adjusted the child’s shirt collar with practiced firmness. “Yeah. When you get home.” At this point in his life he was immune to the high pitched whining that followed saying ‘no’. With a gentle push, he let him know that there was no room for discussion there. The 9 year old made his way toward the elevators that would take him down to the elementary school floors. AJ watched to make sure he didn’t try to sneak off.

Without asking, he already knew that Rome wanted him to stay with him until his friends showed up. As quiet and aloof as he was, it was harder to understand Rome and his needs than it was with his brothers. It would be easy for AJ to leave him by himself and go write his paper, nothing would come of it and nobody would even know because Rome was not the kind of kid who was always running to his dad. AJ had left him alone when he was distressed before, multiple times. Despite that, he figured he would wait around with him until 7:45 at the latest.

In the meantime, he mindlessly checked his comm. Nothing on the news feeds was new. More election stuff. Every time he saw a picture of Agapama’s face smirking or winking, he felt irritated because he suspected that he was only running to boost his company’s power-- and it was working. AGA was more profitable than ever, which was amazing seeing as it had been all but bankrupt less than 20 years ago. People could say what they wanted about the guy, but he was a savvy businessman, much savvier than AJ’s current employer.

How was it even possible to not turn a quarterly profit when you had a stranglehold on the markets due to a monopoly on one industry? People needed to eat. What kind of idiot manages a company like that but still manages to have costs greater than its revenue?

Those kinds of thoughts were treacherous but as time passed, he had more and more like them. All he really wanted was to be an asset to Richard Prospas. He wanted to be useful and help manage the numbers side of things, wanted to see the other pieces of the puzzle. 

Better to keep his hopes realistic. AJ opened up a picture of some leather shoes he wanted to buy for when he had to present his thesis next semester.

Rome wasn't looking at him. “I forgot my tablet at home,” he said.

“Hm?” AJ opened up a different option for shoes that were cheaper but looked about the same quality. Suspicious. Why would they be a whole 100 credits cheaper? Unless they were actually made of plastic or something that he didn’t want on his feet.

“I didn’t do my geometry assignment last night.”

“OK.”

“I was-- I don’t know. I didn’t even forget it, I just didn’t do it and I don’t know why. I don’t know why. I can’t get a bad grade on it though, it’s making me feel sick. I feel nauseous.”

“Right.”

“Do you think I should just copy someone--”

AJ put away his communicator suddenly. “You know, if you start doing stuff like cheating and copying other people’s work, you’ll get caught eventually. That will be way worse than getting one bad grade on something. Think about it.” He watched Rome hunch his thin shoulders and look at the ground. “You’re better than that, OK? You’re way better than that. Don’t cheat, you’re too smart.”

The kid snuck a glance at him and AJ had to try not to grimace; the yellow eyeshine was the worst when lighting was poor enough to produce a glow effect. “Can I tell you something?”

“Shoot.”

“I think there’s something really wrong with me. I feel--”

Whatever it was exactly that Romeo believed was wrong with him (AJ could think of a great many things off the top of his head as all of his psychosomatic issues changed from day to day) it was interrupted by a sudden excited shriek. In a split second, AJ dug his hands into his pockets to grasp his knuckledusters and had them over his fingers. His fists were clenched before he even turned around and adrenaline coursed through his body. This was it. This was it, this was it, this was it.

It wasn’t it.

Turning, AJ saw that it was only a couple of kids waving at Rome. He unclenched his teeth, forced his shoulders to relax. As carefully as he could, he slipped the harsh pieces of metal from his hands and back down into his pockets. While not illegal per se, if any authority figure saw him with weapons in the School District they would have him arrested. If that happened, his mother would have to bail him out and he couldn’t handle the thought of it.

His heart pounded in his chest. What was he so scared of? Throughout all the years, nothing bad had ever happened.

He passed a hand over his eyes. “Your friends?” he asked Rome.

Rome just scratched anxiously at his face.

The kids were twins, a boy and a girl, who were so eerily identical that it was clear that they were Artificals. They were white, with orange hair and long gangly limbs that gave them coltish gaits. They hurried up to Rome and AJ noticed the fine quality of their clothing and all-around cleanliness. When they got close to Rome, the two of them blushed prettily.

“Hey,” said the girl one.

“Hi!” said the boy one. “Hi, how are you?”

“I’m fine,” said Rome who appeared to have stopped breathing. He tried to smile at the other children without showing his sharp incisors and it came off as insincere. He had not been made with a face good for smiling so this was not entirely his fault. “How-- how are you guys?”

“Kip taught me new karate moves the other night,” said the boy, arranging his arms into an awkward fighting stance. His form was all wrong but his bright green eyes and lazy smile showed that he wasn't serious about it. “It’s pretty cool, do you wanna fight?” Without warning he faked a punch at Rome, then playfully got him into a loose chokehold. Passive as ever, Rome tried to cringe away but was at a disadvantage due to being shorter; his terrible yellow eyes started to glaze over with tears and he looked to AJ for help. Oblivious to the fear, the other boy tightened his grip like he was going to try to disastrously flip him.

AJ grabbed the gangly kid by the back of his sweater and peeled him away from his charge. “Uh-uh,” he said sternly. “Nope. No fighting.”

The kid tried to twist away and kicked ineffectively at AJ’s shin. “Heyyyy!”

“What’s your problem?” demanded the girl. She had her arms crossed and her pointy face screwed up in an unpleasant expression. “He’s just playing around.”

“I don’t care, don’t let me see you touch him like that again.”

At this point Rome’s skin glistened with perspiration. He hunched his shoulders and pulled at his collar, unable to pull his gaze away from his own feet because he was so mortifyingly embarrassed.

Playing or not, AJ couldn’t let either of the kids he watched over get hurt. More importantly, in his mind, he could not permit them to be exposed to violence. There would be enough time for that in their lives later.

He released the boy and watched him dart back to his sister’s side. “Are you going to introduce me to your friends, Rome?” he asked.

“I feel nauseous.” 

AJ took a deep, calming breath.

The girl opened up her purse, took out a stick of gum, and handed it to Rome. “Here, it’s mint, if you chew this you won’t feel as sick, even though it’s all made up in your head. I’m Evangeline Bellamy. My brother is Eddie. Who are you?”

Bellamy was a common enough name in Eden. They were probably harmless. AJ looked at Rome and the way he was chewing the gum and not flinching away when the boy twin, Eddie, patted him on the back. This was not so bad. He overreacted, he often did. All this was was something new.

“I’m Ajax.”

“Yeah, OK, who are you?”

“I watch after Rome and his brother.”

“A babysitter? That’s very very sad and depressing, what are you, like 30?”

There was nothing he could do about kids being snotty towards him. He supposed that he should be more thankful that Rome and Valentine were so well-mannered and would never dream of mouthing off to an adult they didn’t know. AJ grimaced a smile and checked his communication device. The guy he had been talking to had messaged him back.

“Why do you need a babysitter, Rome?” asked Eddie. It seemed as though the greatest physical difference between him and his twin was that she stood straight and rigid, while his posture was hunched over and droopy. He kept his arms crossed over his chest like he was insecure. “That’s weird. We’re the same age, we’ve never needed someone to ride the train with us.”

“We’ve been riding the metro by ourselves since we were like, 9,” said Evangeline.

“My dad is overprotective,” lied Rome, a person who had hyperventilated and cried the last time he had tried to get on a train by himself. “He’s worried I might get hurt.”

>lee.harlan: How’s it going?

>lee.harlan: Come over to my place tonight?

His comm buzzed a 3rd time. Harlan had sent him a picture of himself with an obvious erection, only wearing underwear. The guy was clearly exaggerating about a couple things in his profile. AJ fumbled to swipe the picture away again.

It was better than nothing. A distraction from his life would make him happy, for a while. For a while he wouldn’t have to think about his mediocre grades, or worry about his mom.

>ajax.guttierez: Is 8 OK?

Harlan sent back a winky face and for the first time that day, AJ felt himself smile. Just a little. There was something silly about another adult man using emojis-- every other man in AJ’s life was so serious. He couldn’t imagine Mr. Prospas sending something like that, nor Ib or Scotty who were his own bodyguards. This was good. This guy was going to be good for him, just a shallow funny distraction.

Beside him, the Bellamy twins were talking excitedly to Rome about something or other and Rome didn’t look like he was about to stress-vomit for once-- but he wasn’t laughing or smiling either. Uncomfortable perhaps, but not scared. It was probably not great that the other kids moved so quickly and awkwardly, but at least they weren’t trying out more stupid karate moves. 

AJ cleared his throat. “You good, Rome? I gotta get going.”

“Why wouldn’t he be good?” demanded Evangeline Bellamy as she rummaged through her purse for a yellow scrunchie, with which she tied her hair out of her face. “Of course he’s good. Do you not think everything is good?” AJ smiled at her tightly.

Instead of using his words, Rome just gave a little shrug, which AJ took as a yes. He turned and left, heading for the elevators that would take him up towards the University floors. 

He just wanted to be done with college, with OK enough grades to get an OK job. Hopefully he would work for Prosperity. With all the ass-kissing he had done lately, he figured he deserved it.

On that thought, he dialed his boss’s number as he got on one of the elevators.

Richard Prospas picked up on the first ring. “Is everything OK?” he asked immediately without so much as a hello. He was intense and high-strung and plagued by migraines, which wasn’t the best temperament for a CEO of a large company to have. Ever since what had happened to Ben, he had been intensely concerned about the development of his younger two sons-- who were, as far as he was concerned, his only sons.

“Just checking in,” said AJ. “Rome just told me he hasn’t been doing his homework, do you know what’s up with that?” For a moment he felt guilty about betraying the confidence of a child who trusted him, especially since he knew Rome would get in trouble over it later. What were his priorities though? AJ cared about Rome’s wellbeing, he just cared about his own well-being and the well-being of his mother more. It was important that he continued to ingratiate himself with his boss so that he could move up in the company, so that he could make more money and receive more respect.

“Goddammit,” swore Prospas. “What is wrong with him? That means he lied to my face, you know. He told me he had finished everything this morning. What is wrong with him?”

“Maybe he needs to see a therapist. He makes himself freak out by overthinking and then--”

“He doesn’t need a fucking therapist, he needs to grow up and start being responsible. At this rate Valentine is more responsible than he is.”

“Oh, absolutely,” agreed AJ, groveling as usual. Valentine was not responsible at all, with his clinginess and his imaginary friends. “Absolutely.”

“He knows that he’s going to be in charge of the company when I retire. He needs to be working hard and making connections, not hiding in his room all day. I don’t understand him, I don’t understand him at all. That-- that funny wheezy breathing thing he does is going to drive me up a wall.  At this rate he’s going to be a piss-poor leader, if he runs my company into the ground I swear to God that I’ll force the Board to make his brother CEO.”

“I don’t think anyone is going to be good enough to fill your shoes, sir.”

“Thanks, AJ.” For a long minute, Prospas paused. Then he cleared his throat. “You know, your mother is really starting to freak me out with her religious shit. Last night she-- she has these fuckin’ cuts on her stomach. Is she doing alright? She’s not going to try to kill herself again, is she? I can’t deal with that any more, I just can’t. It was awful the last time. I couldn’t sleep at all, you gotta picture it, I would lie awake all night just terrified that she would slit her wrists or something.”

Air suddenly would not fill AJ’s lungs and images he had tried to forget flooded his mind. His left hand clenched into a fist.

“You there?” 

The elevator was not moving fast enough. AJ forced himself to suck in a breath. “She’s fine,” he said, keeping the anger and fear out of his voice. “That’s how-- you know about the Rift religion? They do that. Something about blood, I don’t know. It’s how they worship. She’s fine. She’s happy, I think the church gives her a sense of community. She keeps telling me about how happy she is.”

“Oh, good,” Prospas said absently. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” said AJ, thinking about how his mother had tried to overdose the day after that Prospas sent his father into an Agapama storehouse to get shot. AJ had been 16 years old, and so angry that he pulled a knife on him. Prospas had his own bodyguard Scotty hold AJ’s arms behind his back and then beat him with his blackthorn walking stick. The severity of the beating left him with a concussion that he had to go to the hospital for. The memories served as a reminder to never fight back. “Anything.”

“Remind me to give you some different work one of these days. You’re too good a worker to keep wasting on the kids.”

AJ’s heart fluttered and the bad memories were pushed to the back of his mind. The past didn’t matter. All that mattered was the future. His future.  “I-- I would really enjoy that,” he said.

“Really?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Great. Maybe you can help with some numbers that aren’t adding up, I’ll tell the guys. Look-- I have to go. I have a meeting with one of our suppliers. Great talking to you, Ajax.” And he hung up.

AJ realized that his hand was still clenched into a fist. The elevator dinged and he walked out into the University floors, absentmindedly scanning the ID chip in his wrist as he went.

When he did not know how to feel, he generally busied himself and pushed the emotional aspects of his mind to the side. He had things to study. He had a paper to finish. The things in his life were not all bad. The things that hurt him, the fears that always crept in could be put into boxes for him to deal with later. He didn’t know anything else.

What he did know was that he was going to go to town on Harlan that night. A welcome distraction.

KIP NGUYEN

(I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WRITE HERE. KIP IN THE LIBRARY, SPACING OUT)

“Who are you?” he demanded, preemptively defensive. It wasn’t fun to get caught spacing out, it always made him feel like he had done something wrong. “Do you need something?”

The girl didn’t jump back or flinch the way that people usually did when he moved too fast or talked too loud. There was something gently familiar about her, with her solid build and her broad face. She wore a faded sweatshirt and a pendant with a deity on it around her neck. She looked at him in a way he wasn’t used to and he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. “You OK?” she asked in the low, coarse tone of the Lower Levels.

The question was so preposterous that he was unable to contain his reaction and tried to make himself a threat by looming over her. The girl still didn’t flinch, she gazed calmly up at him.

“What?” exclaimed Kip, puffing out his chest. “What the fuck, man, don’t just ask strangers how they’re feeling. It’s not normal. What’s wrong with you?”

She put her hands up to placate him but didn’t appear to be mocking. Her brown eyes were unremarkable except for their steady kindness. “Sorry, you just don’t look so good. What’s so wrong with checking in?”

Kip glanced down at the girl’s religious necklace, then glared at her. He knew what those people were like. They could sense weakness and used that to their advantage when proselytizing people. The way that they had formed religious branches of social services sickened him-- didn’t they understand that nonreligious mutual aid programs already existed? A firm believer in Eden’s state atheism, he took pride in never having been inside of a church. 

“Do you need something from me?” he demanded. He took a step back to give her some space, disturbed that she had not been flustered by his posturing. People didn’t just come up and talk to him, and when they did they never stayed calm for long. “What do you want, huh?”

“Seriously? You don’t know who I am?”

“How would I know that?!”

“I’ve been going out with Esther Bellamy for two months. I know who you are, I know all about you.”

The ghost of a memory attempted to move through Kip’s synapses and failed. In a vague way, he knew about Esther’s girlfriend. He knew she had talked to him about her and he knew that she had shown him pictures of her on more than one occasion. But the fogginess that had been filling his brain since he woke up that morning prevented him from accessing this information.

He shook his head and then slapped his own face hard.

The girl finally flinched when she saw him hit himself. “Don’t do that, what’s wrong with you?”

Kip snapped his fingers. “No. Yes. Church. Rosie Church. Rosaline Church, yep, I got it. Shit. I know about you, my brain just doesn’t kick in until I get my morning, uh, coffee…”

Rosaline stared at him without saying anything. Her thick eyebrows were knitted together in an expression that was either confusion or worry. This was the same expression that well-meaning adults got, not other kids.

Anger flared in him. Who was this stranger to judge him, to worry about him? He was sick and tired of being worried for and over. There was nothing wrong with him. There had never been anything wrong with him. He was-- he was simply in an environment that was not conducive to his health. “Whatever. What do you want from me? Are you looking for Esther? She has therapy this morning, she’s not coming back to school until noon.”

“I know Esther is at therapy,” said Rosaline. “I talk to her. She’s my girlfriend. No-- look, I’m not trying to get into your business…”

“But clearly you’re about to anyway.”

Rosaline shrugged. “Esther cares about you and your sister a lot, I care about her. I think it’s pretty simple. Anyways, I was just wondering, do you know who your sister has been hanging out with over the last couple weeks?”

“Nobody. She doesn’t have friends.”

“Wow. That’s-- no.” Rosaline pushed her shaggy hair away from her forehead. “So, OK. There’s this girl named Ayda Jay in my cohort and she’s pretty much the worst person I’ve met in my life, I don’t know, it’s like she wants people to feel bad about themselves. She’s quiet but she’s always talking to this guy on her comm and lately she’s been talking about your sister. Like making fun of her and stuff.”

Unfortunately, this wasn’t anything new. Bullying wasn’t anything new. There had always been bullies. Kassidy was small and ugly and over-reacted to things, she was an easy target. When he could, Kip tried to protect her, especially when the bullying became physical. Hell, he had gone to Juvie because he had protected her in middle school back when Ben Prospas was picking on her. When he had seen that huge Artificial take his fat hand and shove his tiny sister down to the floor, something broke in Kip’s brain. He couldn’t even remember attacking Ben, it was like he had gone to sleep and then woke up in the Principal’s office getting screamed at by his mother. Compared to that, some girl making fun of Kassidy was nothing.

“Thanks,” said Kip in as mocking a voice as he could manage. Religious people were really too sensitive. “Really. I think Kassidy is tough enough to deal with some mean words.”

“You don’t get it. Ayda Jay is related to Casey Agapama somehow, I think they’re sisters or cousins. They live together, they hang out together. Your sister has been hanging out with Casey Agapama, man. I’d be worried if I were you.”

In his shock, Kip grabbed Rosaline by the shoulders with both hands and brought his face close to hers. Rosaline’s eyes widened, she grabbed one of his wrists and twisted it so hard that she flipped him around and wrenched his arm up behind his back. It hurt but Kip could not even think of the pain.

Casey Agapama.

He knew about Casey Agapama. Everyone did. Her rat bastard venture capitalist father was unspeakably wealthy due to the labor he exploited from his workers. People were terrified of Casey, they said that she was a sociopath. She didn’t so much get into fights as she did beat the crap out of other kids for no reason. People said that she had stabbed a teacher and gotten away with it. When she walked down the halls, everyone else got out of her way.

In 4 years of secondary education, Kip had only seen her once. She had shoved him out of his chair in the library while walking past him when he was 15. She hadn’t even looked at him, it was like she had done it out of pure boredom.

What was Kassidy doing around a girl like that? Surely even she wasn’t that stupid.

Rosaline released her grip on his arm. “Don’t just grab people like that. You scared me.”

“What the fuck?!” groaned Kip, rubbing his arm where Rosaline had twisted it. He was used to scuffling with people who were 30+ pounds lighter than him, not people who were sturdy like she was. “Jesus, fuck my tits, my sister is gonna get fucking killed!! That’s why she’s been messing with her hair and shit, like all that make-up shit, she’s trying to impress that freak!”

“Wow, you cuss more than anyone I’ve ever met,” said Rosaline. “ Maybe you should--”

“My sister is associating with someone who could rip her arms off and you’re telling me not to fucking cuss?!”

“No, I’m just making a comment, calm down.” Rosaline put her hands up, as if that was going to calm him. She was looking at Kip like she expected him to attack her now, and that was a look he was used to, a look that was worse than pity or concern. Dangerous. Bad. When people like Rosaline Church saw Kip, they did not see a well functioning member of society, they saw a dangerous individual who might hurt them. Kip did not want to hurt anyone, he knew his heart was gentle, but he could not help the way he talked or reacted to things. 

(I DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE THE KIP/CASEY FIGHT THAT BRINGS EVERYONE TOGETHER)

[notsoaveragjoe]

Cereal and Self-Love

This post is brought to you by caffeine and Meijer’s Its not-even-fall-yet-halloween-themed Boo-Berry Cereal.

Hey, real talk for a second. I...

Wait, I don’t need to apologize, its my blog.

(Good Mojo, love your emotions for who you are)

I was going to apologize for not posting more regularly. When I started this blog, I tried to do the ‘post every week’ sort of deal, but one thing leads to another and its becomes over a month. I realized that I didn’t promise the void Im typing into anything. Since life is fun and busy and wild, I’ll  just promise that whenever I have things worth saying, but am unsure who to say it to, I’ll put it up here in the hopes that someone who appreciates my crazy comes along.

It is currently 2 am on a crisp early September evening in northwest Ohio’s 2nd fake falls of the year. Twas hanging out with one of my housemates after the others went to bed the other day (ie tonight) and we were having a night jamming on the keyboard and having fun with its pre-recorded tracks. I quickly realized that I had not had that much fun in a long time. Being my unadulterated self was a really liberating experience. To be fair, I do take myself a bit too serious most of the time.

Well, school has kicked into full swing and I have big hopes for this coming semester before the spring semester on par to freshman year of college (a bad year--I promise you). Right now, I am taking a good number of ensembles (like 5) and my quartet is looking to do a big competition in the world of classical saxophone. With my new library job, the podcast in the works, and only 3 academic classes, I am excited to see what all I can do when I have time to both focus on my work and have a social life.

Which reminds me; boys. Ugh BOYS!

(I digress)

An article that my school wrote about me that I actually wrote myself about myself and my summer was just posted, and got some cool feedback from my friends, which is cool. I also applied for other grant funding to do more research (which reminds me, I need to do the IRB thing), which I am still waiting for, but if done, then I will have a project that I can work under for literal YEARS into the beginning of my career. This makes me hopeful that this project gets approved so that I can get started on the work that I hope to do with folk music communities. I am also trying to stay connected to the scene now that I am back in the midwest, as I miss being surrounded by people who are also interested in folk music. There are ideas floating in my mind about my musical future after college and how to make it align with my academic future that are much easier to see when not drowning in conservatory life.. Scary stuff y’all.

I helped multiple underclassmen sort out their schedules and lives in order to maintain their physical and mental healths while staying on track to graduate. This just made my heart so happy because I have seen a noticeable difference in the way they interact with one another and they seem to be more relaxed in daily activities. Also,I was able to reach out to two different friends to teach them about meditation and how to take care of your mind. I am grateful forever to the few upperclassmen who took me under their wings my first (ish) year(s) here at school and helped me figure my life out. I hope that their lives are better for it. (woah, just had a flashback to a few moments with a friend who everyone thought was weird, but I did not see it. I now realize the types of stressors he was under at this point in his last year and how amazing it is that he was willing to reach out to me like that. Damn, I wish we hadn’t lost contact when he graduated. What a good friend. Now he runs a big band program in Texas. If you see this, thanks The Dolehammer).

I am working at the library now and managed to leave the admissions office and this has also been a wise decision. Though I had originally thought I may want to become a music librarian, I now know that I do not. Though it is unlikely that this will become my vocation, it is still a great job for me at the moment. Though it is tiring and has its own cultural issues within the job that I do not have the urge to decipher yet, it is a very. very. very. calm and low-stress environment. exactly what I need. In this way, it is So. Refreshing. to be able to shut my mind off for a few hours a week to just sing the alphabet song a lot and decipher numbers instead of reading sheet music, practicing, performing, and rehearsing all of the music I am currently working on. The most refreshing part is that I get to do it surrounded by stacks and stacks of sheet music, cd’s, and LP’s.

So, everything is cool for now, I guess.

Oh the CEREAL!

Basically, when I was eating cereal this evening, I realized why getting sugary cereal for myself was such a great moment of impulsive self-love as a grand gesture from myself to myself to let me know I care about myself. (Awe shucks, Mojo (Blush).

In Other Words: I’M THRIVING

-♥️ Mojo

[starkatana]

A Romantic Comedy

You and Touya are finishing up your 2nd year at UA. Preparing for your last year at UA with the upcoming exams, internships applications, you are stressed, sleep deprived, and haven’t been eating a whole lot. Thanks to that you land yourself in the nurse’s office on bed rest and Touya comes to visit.

Touya Todoroki/Dabi x Reader

Note: Shoto is 7-years-old. You and Touya/Dabi are 17. This is an AU where Dabi is a Todoroki and Touya never became Dabi. The Todorokis are a happy family and everything is great.

“What’d you have to eat this morning?” Recovery girl asked.

“Yogurt with granola and honey with an iced tea.”

“Lunch?”

“Granola bar and water.”

“Hm,” she finishes writing and clicks her pen. “I’d like to just have you stay here and rest up taking the day off tomorrow so you can regain your strength.”

“But-“

“No buts, you’re staying in bed. Relax. Sleep. Don’t worry about school or work. Just take a break.”

You sigh and nod.

“Hey, it’s just a day, I’ve had heroes with broken bodies stay longer and still have successful careers.”

You beat yourself up inside. You were out training with your class at the USJ. You had pulled close to an all-nighter, but got a bit of sleep. It was just a normal day, you felt groggier than usual, but nothing you couldn’t handle with caffeine.

“You okay?” Touya had asked.

You nodded and waved him off. “Fine. I just need a water break.”

“Take as long as you need.”

You were finishing up some squats when you got up. Felt dizzy. Heard Touya shout your name. Then the world went black and you woke up in Recovery Girl’s office.

“By the way, you have some visitors. Would you like me to let them in?”

“Who?”

“Who do you think?” she cocked an eyebrow at you as if you hung out with anyone else. “I’ll let them in.”

“Guess who’s here?” Touya said walking into the room, quickly followed by a Shoto running in.

“Are you okay, y/n?”

“I'm fine, Sho.”

He hugs you, “I made a picture for you to help you get better soon!”

“Oh, thank you! It's very nice”

“Thanks! I also presented at school today and my teacher gave me a 10 outta 10!”

“Good job, Sho! Did Touya take you out for ice cream like he promised?”

“Mmhmm!”

“Yeah, he just couldn't wait to tell you.” He gives Sho a pat on the head. “Tell y/n what else happened.”

“Oh yeah! Look!” it was a scab on his knee, “I fell down playing with some kids in the park and I didn’t even cry at all!”

“Oh my goodness! You’re such a big boy now!”

“Yup!”

“Guess you don’t need me around to babysit anymore. Touya’s doing such a good job all on his own.”

Sho shakes his head and goes in to whisper, but not whisper, “Not really, he really needs you y/n he’s not very good at cooking or helping Natsuo with homework.”

“All right, runt.” He goes to move him out of the way.

“Wait, y/n why don’t you just heal yourself so you don’t have to be here?”

“Shoto!” Touya goes in to noogie him.

“No,” you go to stop Touya from giving the noogie. “It’s okay,” you assured him “we all have different rules to our powers. My quirk takes away physical damage, aches, and pain. I can heal a lot of wounds, but not tiredness. I’m here because I exhausted my body because I haven’t been taking care of it.”

“Yeah?”

You read the confusion on his face. “Think of it like a cold soba dish.”

“Okay!”

“So you like, carrots, and peppers on your soba.”

“And steak!”

“And steak.” you chuckle “How could I forget the steak? Now, just think about if you just ate the cold soba without any of that.”

“It’s still pretty tasty.”

“But not as tasty when you have the steak.”

Shoto nods as though he is trying to understand but not fully.

“I’m here because I haven't been giving my body enough steak.

“Okay? So your quirk heals booboos but not if you haven’t eaten enough steak?”

“Sure.” You laugh, “Something like that.”

You and Touya could see the gears moving in his little head. When Touya taps on Shoto’s back bringing him back to reality “Sho, can you go get Natsuo from the field?”

“Yup!” He hops off from the bed, “Feel better soon y/n!” and the door closed behind him.

“So, what’s the damage?”

“She wants me to stay in bed for the next day to relax.”

“Oh, easy!”

“Not easy. She wants me to not do anything tomorrow. Just sit back and relax. I don’t have time to relax! If I do, I get behind, and if I get behind, someone else gets the spot I’m working for.”

“First of all, take a breath. And second, you have to stop beating yourself up.”

You roll your eyes. “I'm just pissed that I can't do anything from bed. I can't relax because I just have so much on my mind. God! And with Recovery Girl seeing me like this there is no way I'm getting her internship next semester.”

“I don't think she's going to hold this against you. If anything she might use this as an exercise to see how well you handle the stress of not being able to do anything.”

You nod. “That makes sense.”

“So, just work on getting better and taking care of yourself that's what she's looking for.”

“Ugh, I hate you.”

”I hate you too, but I also brought you dinner.” He brings up a bag and puts it on your bed. “I know it’s not going to be fancy like the bentos you make, but the taste is there no matter what the runt says.”

“Thank you, Toys. I appreciate it.”

He nods. “No problem. I also told your parents that you’re here and my parents wish you well.”

You sniffle to keep in your tears, feeling your mouth go into a frown. You feel so guilty.

“Whoa. What’s wrong?”

“I’m so sorry Touya.” You let all your emotions spill out. “I’m so so sorry.”

“Hey.” he sits on the bed next to you and wraps his arms around you. “Don’t cry.” You hug him back letting out your tears. “There’s no need to apologize.” He reassured you.

“I’m so sorry for making you and everyone worry about me. I’m the one with the healing quirk. I’m the one that’s always supposed to be okay. Yet here I am. I’m so so sorry, Touya.”

“Hey,” He grabs you by your shoulders, “Look at me y/n.”

You reluctantly look up at him rubbing your eyes wiping away the tears.

“You are the best person and friend I know and have. You had a bad time, but it doesn’t make you any less of a person. You’re still the strongest and most hard-headed person I know. It happens to all of us. If anything, I’m sorry y/n for not helping you.”

“Touya.”

“No. I see you every day. We are literally together 24/7 and I never noticed that anything was off. I just took your word for it that you were okay. I should’ve spoken up, I should’ve said something. I’m sorry that I failed you.”

You continue to cry and pull him back into a hug. “I love you, you big super stupid dork.”

“I love you too.”

Soon after he leaves Recovery Girl rolls into the room on her computer chair with a clipboard.

”I think he’s a winner.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty great.”

“I mean you’re the ones that just exchanged: ‘I love you.’”

“Yeah.” You scoff, “Like best friends.”

“Ah.” She raises her eyebrows at you, “Okay. Friends.”

“Friends.” You try to clarify it more for yourself than her.

She smiles and with a nod, she rolls out of the room, “I’m rooting for your friendship.”

“If we got together would it help with me getting accepted as one of your interns?”

“Even if you didn’t, I’d make you an intern for the drama and romantic tension.”

You laugh, “Recovery Girl: Love Doctor.”

“Romantic comedy starring y/n and Touya Todoroki.”

You shake your head and lean back in bed. You guys exchanged I love yous before but this one felt different. No, this is crazy Touya is your best friend and has been for ages. Why was this one different? You know that you guys are going to be a part of each other lives forever. But then it crossed your mind, were you seeing yourself with Touya forever or were you just going to be the best friend/cool relative to his kids.

“Don’t think too hard about it dear! Just relax!”

“Right.” You shake your head trying to clear your mind. “Thanks!”

That night you did a little school work and minor revisions to your application essays. Nothing too drastic, but enough to feel like you got work done and to be under Recovery Girl’s version of relaxing. Getting hungry, you open Touya’s bento box and immediately just smile. It wasn’t the prettiest box, but there was a definite labor of love involved with the process.

There was rice padded to the side of the box with a poorly made cat face of seaweed and a boiled egg made to look like a rabbit, but one of the ears was broken. There was also fried chicken and a cold spinach, carrot salad. There were also a few riceballs wrapped separately in the bag. They are deformed cat heads with crooked faces. Along with a note: ‘Riceballs are for breakfast. I’ll bring lunch tomorrow. Take care.’

You take a picture of the box and send it to Touya. “Thanks, I love it.”

A few minutes later you get a facetime from Touya.

“Hello?”

“You busy?”

You shake your head no.

“Awesome, can you help Natsuo with his homework!?” and he directs the camera down at Natsuo. “Cause I can’t figure this shit out.”

“Sure.” You laugh.

-A few weeks later-

“AHHH!” you sit up from relaxing in the grass “GUESSSS WHATTTT!”

“They finally made salami flavored bubble gum.”

“Wha? No.” you shake your mind of the thought, “I got the internship, you heathen!” You show him the email on your phone. “She accepted me as one of her paid interns!” 

“Well no shit,” Touya responded as he propped himself up, “It’d be crazy for you not to get it.”

“Ugh! It feels so good.”

“Is it too early for an I told you so?” he smirks at you.

You lay back in the grass looking at your acceptance e-mail. Then you look over at Touya who’s still propped up next to you. “I love you.”

“I love you too, y/n.”

You nod. Yeah. It was romantic, but where do you go with this?

That weekend when you get to the Todoroki’s house, it is the start of summer vacation. They are having a party at their house. There are tables set up in the yard and each has its own Japanese grill. Your parents are there. Along with pro-heroes from the Endeavor Hero Agency. Some of your UA teachers who happen to be friends with Enji from his days at UA. Natsuo’s and Fuyumi’s friends are there too.

You and Touya are at a table with your parents and some other pro-heroes mingling. When Shoto and Enji stop by.

“How is everything tasting?” Enji asks with a smile.

Praise fills the table.

“This is a great party, Enji.”

“Food is fantastic!”

“Such a great idea!”

“Who’s idea was it for the grill tables?”

“Mine!” Shoto jumped, “It’s so we can make sure all of our bodies can get enough steak so we can all feel good.”

You cover your mouth to stifle your laughter. 

“Great job little bro!” Touya holds out a fist bump for Shoto and there were high fives and fist bumps all around the table.

“To steak!” Shoto cheered.

“To steak!” everyone chimed in.

Touya nudged you “Next time can you make a metaphor for not getting grounded for smoking pot?”

You laugh, “No promises.”

Author’s Note:

Not entirely happy with the ending, but in this AU based off my headcannon (via previous post) that Touya and the reader like to smoke pot together. But I’m happy with how this came to be.

[notsoguiltykpop]

im about to fail yet another class; it’s my fourth semester of college (2nd yr student) and honestly idk what im doing anymore.

Omg this wasn’t supposed to be posted yet, I’m so sorry. I had so much more editing to do and stuff I wanted to say. I was at work on break when I started replying, and I guess I hit post instead of save as draft.

So first, try not to worry about it too much. I know that doesn’t sound helpful in the least little bit, but I’m serious. Do something fun, focus on the classes you’re doing well in, and forget the other one. It’s not worth the stress. Not to go all Lion King on you, but hakuna matata. Remember that you did your best, you learned, and that’s what college is for. To learn. Grades are just a weird human construction and don’t define you.

Set aside time for yourself. Idk if you like hiking, or biking, or sitting inside and reading a book, but do something like that. I know you’re busy, but everyone needs to step away from school sometimes- especially during finals, as weird as that sounds. So take a break, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it. You deserve to do things you love.

Eat a good meal. That isn’t an option. Eat something you like, but try to make it somewhat healthy so you’ll feel good After you eat it (I’m thinking protein and veggies).

If you’re confused about what you’re doing, that’s okay. You might consider taking a semester off and doing something you enjoy, or maybe something relating to what kind of job you want to do (internships are great for figuring out what you want to do!). 

Remember you’re almost at the end of it!! The semester is ending and you get the summer to recharge! 

Not only that, you’re halfway through college! You’ve made it so far, you can do this.

My final thing I might say, is consider taking what I call a “relaxed” semester. Take fewer classes and focus on selfcare. I know not everyone can do this (scholarships/fin aid/ect can all complicate this), but if you can, I highly recommend this over taking a semester off (though that can do so much good too!). It does add a little bit of time, but honestly, you’re young! You have time to take some time, if that makes sense. If you can afford to take a relaxed semester, do it for yourself. Enjoy life

Lastly, you’re always welcome here. Come yell at me about your dumb professors, or any other issues going on! I love you, and you’re not alone in this. 

I hope your day is going well, and again, I apologize for posting my response before it was done. 

[ships-sailing-in-the-night]

I just wanted to say that yesterday morning I had a doctors appointment. It went well and everything, except for the fact I had to get a Tetanus booster and blood taken. Talk about a double edged sword, but nevertheless, I survived. An interesting thing came up, I must first; however, start elsewhere.

For years my sister has struggled in school, with social relationships and even with us. For as long as I can remember she has always fought with either me, my mom or with my dad. The constant fighting always bothered me, but I thought in time things would get better. They didn’t, and 2 years ago she was diagnosed with a lot of stuff. She’s been on medication, gone to therapy, but it hasn’t helped much. She has her good days and her bad, but the stress has just been piling up in me. When I first went to college I was always excited to come home for breaks, but as the semesters went by I found myself not being that excited to come home because then I would be back with all the stress. 

This past summer, as some of you know, I went to Ireland for study abroad. The trip was amazing, I have never seen a place so beautiful in my life. I made some great new friends and really enjoyed the 2 weeks overseas. Life at home has been really stressful, my younger sister is struggling a lot with depression and her learning disability. A year ago she attempted suicide but got help. That really struck a nerve hard with me.

As senior in college, prepping to graduate and hopefully attend veterinary school I’ve never been so stressed. Being told day by day that I’m not good enough to get in, or I’m wasting my time applying really lowers my self-esteem. The constant stress from school and home have really taken on toll on me throughout the past 3 years. I’ve had some really low, low moments but I’ve always managed to pick myself up again.

When I was in Ireland it felt as I had walked through the closet to enter Narnia. I had never been so relaxed, my mind finally at peace. I didn’t worry about school, my sister, anything. It was the best two weeks in my best, it then followed by one of the worse weeks in my life and I had only gone downhill from there.

3 days before my flight back to the states I had a dream — a dream of what I was going to come home to again. The constant arguing between my sister and I or my mom and my sister. My constant fear of whether or not she would try to hurt herself again or worse. My constant stress over the approaching school year and trying my best to do as well as I can in my classes to not disappoint my family.

The day after I got home I went to the mall to pick up something I had ordered before I left, I knew while I was driving my mom and sister that I was off. I felt it but thought I could control/have a tight enough grip on it that I would be ok. I was wrong. My mind was in such shambles that I accidentally backed up too far in the spot and hit the wall behind me. That’s when I cracked.

I suffered an attack, the worse I have ever had that day — July 11th. Between the hyperventilating and forceful shaking, I had never been so not in control with my body. My mom tried to figure out why I was so upset but my brain was shutting down. It was so hard to get the words out. In the end, she assumed I was just upset about hitting the wall with my car and not being home in Ireland. I didn’t adjust well coming home, and I crave going back but that’s not my life. My life is here in the states and I have to make the most of it.  As much as she thought (as well as I) that the attack was a one and done thing, it wasn’t.

Fast forward to Friday, October 19. A group of friends and I went to a neighboring town to go on a ghost tour. As an RA I had to work on Halloween and my friends would most certainly go to parties (something I know I can’t handle because of the stress). We all agreed it would be fun, so 2 of my residents and 6 of my friends all agreed to go on this tour. The tour was really interesting because I'm a history nerd and I love ghost stories, and I enjoyed myself.

However, at the end of the tour half of the group wanted to go to a nearby bar to get drinks and food. Mainly drinks, which I did not want to do because it was getting late and I had a test to prepare for the next morning. I told my friends I didn’t want to go and I wanted to go, but I was outvoted and we went anyway. I walk into the bar and I’m fine. I tell myself I can handle this and sit at the table. No one was there, except us and some staff. The waitress was kind enough to bring us all waters while everyone decided what they wanted to eat or what alcohol they wanted. I chugged half the glass of water because I began to feel off and overwhelmed. My hands began to shake, I began to become extremely hot, and I knew what was coming. I took some breaths full well knowing I might have another breakdown but I didn’t want to have one in front of my friends nor the waitress.

Unfortunately, my mind snapped when one of my friends, who had come back from the bathroom, mentioned a nightclub right behind us and said we should all go in there afterword. I couldn’t take it anymore. I pushed my chair back and ran out of the bar as fast as I could. Outside I had my 2nd attack. The hyperventilating and crying started, then the excessive shaking. After what felt like many many minutes the girl who mentioned the nightclub came out and wondered why I was so upset. Again, I tried but failed to tell her why I was so upset. During my attacks, the formation of words and thoughts are easy, getting them out is a whole different story. She tried to get me to calm down and eventually all my other friends came out to make sure I was ok. I told them I wouldn’t be able to walk back into that bar and I needed to just walk to let myself just get through the attack. We walked and Insaw a bookstore. I went inside and was able to calm down after just looking around. The atmosphere was calming and helped settle my mind.

After I was calm enough our group parted ways and I drove who I had taken back to the campus again. That night I didn’t sleep well, I was still crying a lot, remembering what had happened. I can almost smile about it now, thinking that I did something super cliché, running out of a bar. As I tell my one friend,  at least it wasn’t because of a boy.

The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened the night before, the scene of my running out of that bar played over and over in my mind. I had received an email that morning with a letter of rejection from one of the Vet schools I applied too. That really set me off and I ended up through one of my decorated coffee mugs from RA training week against my closet door. It, of course, shattered into a million pieces but I was too upset to clean it up or care. I texted one RA staff member I was close with to come down to my room as I was in desperate need for company. When she opened my door she immediately came over to me and hugged me. I could stop my 3rd attack from happening in front of her but she said nothing and just held me. She listened as I struggled to tell her what had happened the night before. After I had calmed down enough we went for a walk in the local park. Nature has always had a calming effect on me and she helped me take my mind off the incident. I was able to focus back on my work but the incident still lingers. I never told my parents what had happened, and probably never will.

When I went to the doctors, my mom told me before we walked into the office that if there was anything wrong, anything on my mind, today was the day to talk about it. I hadn’t told her about my other two attacks at school, I was debating whether or not to tell her. I had thought about telling the doctor and then based off her answer/response I would tell my mother. When I got into the exam room the nurse asked if there was anything I would talk to my doctor about her when she came in she would have an idea. I struggled to say it but I was able to get the word “anxiety” out. I’m a relatively emotional person I knew that if I was going to talk about what had happened that I would start crying. However, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to control the anxiety mounting up inside me any longer. It was only getting worse and I feared another attack would come when I least expected it. When the doctor came in I was able, with some time, get my experience across. When I finished she said I have anxiety and if I go on medication it will help balance out the chemicals in my brain.

If you had told me many years ago I would struggle with my mental health, such as anxiety, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. I like to be in control or my body, and I have almost always been in control. I always felt like I was strong enough to not need extra help because I believed I could handle any problem on my own. But lately the anxiety has gotten worse, the attacks were terrifying because I’ve never been so out of control before with my own body, and I saw that I couldn’t control it even if I pretended I did. Although I’m sure I probably should have gotten help it sooner, I was too afraid of what my parents would have said and if the doctor would have even believed me.

I hope that with this new medication I will begin to feel at more peace in mind and body than I feel now. And if this medication doesn’t work I am willing to work with my doctor to find another way. I told my one friend about starting the new medication and she is supporting me and I know she will be there if I need her. I don’t want to not be in control anymore and I want to start enjoying life again, the anxiety has kept me from doing a lot of things.

I don’t talk much about my personal life, but this is something I felt like I needed to share. Thank you for taking the time to read, with love ❤️

- Ships

[naturepointstheway]

It’s the end of week 3 already?!

Only my brain would decide to fall in love with geology at almost the last minute (like...there would’ve been 3 semesters to go had my brain not decided to fall hopelessly in love with geology dammit), when I’m halfway through the zoology major. So, that’s definitely gonna be a minor alongside my zoology major for my BSc, since I’m already so far into the zoology stuff anyway, but then again, I want to spread the final year papers over at least three (if not four) semesters, including this semester, so I can have a better handle on workload. 

However, for the first time in forever there’ll be music there’ll be light I’m definitely enjoying semester 1 (yay the curse of it always sucking has been lifted!), and so I’m gonna see if I can rank the classes (four all together) in order of “least” liked (I put least in quote marks as I still love the fourth-place paper) to the most liked. But it’s safe to say that Earth and Ocean Science is firmly in 1st place. 

4th place: Introduction to Science Communication

It’s definitely an interesting class, but it’s kind of a little too easy and a bit too breezy. However, still likeable, and at least it’s good to have that breezy paper where you can just sail along at a relaxed pace. Maybe a little too relaxed, as sometimes I can almost forget it’s actually in there on Mondays, though not in a bad way. Still a really interesting paper!

3rd place: Behavioural Ecology

It’s another fairly breezy paper, and I love that finally we get to choose a project with anyone we choose to be in our research team (3rd year undergrad papers in zoology are all about the research and fieldwork!) I’m actually really excited about the idea of taking on my first “real” research project in zoology, and I’m surprising myself with how much I’m really taking charge, which I definitely would not have done last year or the years before (no thanks, untreated depression! I feel like you came at the perfect moment in my life, @dand3l1on-fluff when you encouraged me to get help asap last year <3 ) 

So I guess I really am not that averse to taking charge or leading after all (ditto to what happened in animal designs for living too. I’ll come to that.) 

2nd Place: Animal Designs for Living

Honestly, finding about all the adaptations and various phyla of all the animals that have or are on our planet is really fascinating, and definitely can hold hands with geology in terms of paleontology! So yeah, I ship zoology and geology together for that. :D 

Also, field trip the other day in the rain by a freshwater river, equipment and group, looking for invertebrates in the river was really fun and definitely the turning point for me realising that I far preferred doing research in the outdoors than inside a laboratory. And sure it was a little chilly, but as Elsa would say, “the cold never bothered me anyway!”...as long as I’m having fun doing it of course. 

1st Place: Earth and Ocean Science

This remains the most interesting and fun of all the classes (and that’s for both labs and actual lectures, as well as the weekend day long fieldtrip up to North Otago.) And it has the friendliest staff, demonstrators, and I find it easier to get along with the classmates. While it does cover a broad range of topics (it’s a 1st year class after all), I’m finding it easy to keep up with all the things and it’s not hard to keep up at all. Maybe because my brain can also more easily extrapolate it to other planets/moons inside (and outside!) of our solar system. Also, ocean. Which only makes me get “How Far I’ll Go” in my head.

[the-peace-in-periwinkle]

What is the Peace in Periwinkle?

Introduction:

       My name is Luna, and I am a freshman nursing student. I want to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner (PNP) within the next 10 years. This blog is hopefully to help me write about my experiences in nursing school and just life in general in the next couple of years as I go through schooling and make my way up as a nurse. I am already certified nursing assistant (CNA) at a local nursing home, and I am excited to make my way up from here.

What I Am Doing Today:

       I am going to work today from 2-10pm (2nd shift) and I am not too worried about it-- however I am a little anxious. I am always nervous that I will be fired or something even though I don't do anything wrong. I am PRN so I feel a little more like I can be thrown away easily or replaceable. I don't know what I want to do about my job right now. Some people ask me why I haven't quit. I am busy in college and I am in nursing school. But I like having an income that I don't have to constantly be working for. I like not being worried about how I will earn the next 50 dollars that I need for gas or how I will pay for my clothes for this semester. I like being able to tell myself that I do have money to spend when I need it. But I am focused on my education. I don't quite have it all figured out. I will hopefully figure it out soon.

How I Feel:

   I know that I am well prepared in school right now. But I also worry that I will fall behind. I am diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and right now they are both kicking my ass. I feel really anxious because I am going through diagnosis for either Bipolar II or Autism (ASD), and I don't know how to feel about either. I am worried that I am just faking it all. But I am also struggling a lot with the diagnosis process and how to figure out who to choose. I really like my current PNP at a nearby clinic. She checks all the marks when I am there and she able to pick out what I feel like I need to say but can't.

Academic Update:

       Currently I am in 4 classes; anatomy and physiology II, microbiology, research writing, and gender communication. Of all of these classes, I really like gender communication the most. I like my professor, and she is very kind and very understanding of the topics that she discusses. I also like my professor for anatomy and physiology II a lot too. He is much easier to pay attention to than the last professor I had. I am excited to get these classes done and over with though.

Blog Goals:

       My goal for this blog is to be able to tell you, reader, how I am doing with all honesty, and to be able to show how nursing school isn't all butterflies and rainbows. But as the title of my blog states, there is peace in writing this for me. Technically, this blog is my periwinkle. My relaxation, my peace, my serenity, my escape.

How I Stand Right Now:

   ** TW: Depression, Anxiety, Eating and Body Dysmorphia**

              feelings: Anxious, hopeful, depressed, relieved

               thoughts: I am anxious because of work and school. I am hopeful because of this blog and what it means to me. Depressed a bit because my roommates are gone right now and I am sad about no one being here. I am relieved from writing all of this out. I am also struggling with body issues.

               beliefs: I believe that I am going to get in trouble at work. I believe that I am not going to succeed at times. I believe that life is better with other people and without them I don't know how good it is. I believe writing is therapeutic. I believe my body could be better right now.

               actions: I am picking at my skin because of my anxiety, even though I shouldn't be anxious. I know I will try my best to succeed and that is all I can do. I am writing because I am lonely. I have been restricting my eating because I am self conscious about my weight.

Goals For Next Update:

          * I want to be more confident about my body

          * I want to not pick at my skin for a while

          * I want to be more confident about school and work

          * I want to be less anxious about things I can't control

[sevenpabosandabunchoffans]

The Meaning of Family | From Friends to Spouses {Part 6}

Characters: Min Yoongi, Original Characters, Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Jung Hoseok, Jeon Jungkook, Kim Taehyung, Park Jimin

Words: 2529

Genre: College Student!Yoongi, Daddy!Yoongi, Parents!Namjin

Warnings: mentions of an infant in the NICU, fluffy Yoongi as a dad, angst, implications of postpartum depression

Summary: “Do Yoongi and Sophia get married?”; Yoongi and Sophia take the next step in their relationship, but not without a few bumps along the way; Time Period - one week after Sammie’s birth to four months after, Yoongi and Sophia’s 2nd year of college; Ages: Jin - 36, Namjoon - 35/36, Yoongi - 19, Sophia - 19, Hoseok - 18, Jimin - 16/17, Taehyung - 16, Jungkook - 14/15, Sammie - 1 week/4 months

A/N: Only one more chapter! I hope you’ve enjoyed this so far and continue to enjoy it and the other drabbles! Be sure to send in any requests you may have! <3

Previous Part

“Just let me know once you’ve finished pumping and I’ll come collect your milk.” The nurse stated after helping Sophia get situated with the automated breast pump. It had been a week since Sammie was born, and Sophia was still having some troubles with properly pumping her breast milk, so the NICU nurses were aiding her whenever it came time. “Her next feeding will be in about an hour, and you’ll get to hold her this time. Both of you.” The nurse made sure to include Yoongi in her announcement, and the couple’s eyes lit up at the thought. Due to how small Sammie was, especially after her weight dropped a little in the first few days after her birth, they had been unable to hold her yet, making that be the first time they would ever get to hold her.

“Did you hear that Yoongi?!” Sophia exclaimed after the nurse left the room. “We’re gonna get to hold her and feel her and it’s going to be amazing and-why does this thing have to feel so weird?!” She glared down at the pump attached to her breast, causing Yoongi to chuckle at her.

“Just think how weird it would feel if it were actually Sammie~” Yoongi pointed out as his phone dinged. He looked at it and immediately moved to stand up from the couch. “My dad’s coming up with our lunch, you want me to close the curtain?” Sophia nodded and Yoongi pressed a kiss to her cheek before pulling the curtain hanging in front of the couch to protect the privacy of pumping mothers to cover Sophia just in time for Jin to walk into the room with Jimin.

“Subway delivery is here~” Jimin greeted, setting the sandwich sacks on the small table in the room before claiming the rocking chair in the corner of the room.

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Yoongi commented as he searched through the bags to find his turkey sandwich.

“Your dad was called away to handle a case, so Jimin came to help move Taehyung move into his dorm for band camp instead.” Jin explained as he washed his hands in the sink that was in the room. “I didn’t feel like driving him back home before coming here.” Once his hands were dry, Jin moved over to the incubator in the middle of the room and, after getting Yoongi’s permission, opened one of the side panels to reach his hand inside. “Hi there, Sammie~” He lightly stroked her hand with his finger, and she soon opened her fist to be able to grasp onto it. “You got a good grip there~” He commented.

Sophia soon finished pumping and had Yoongi run the tube of milk to the nurses’ station down the hall while she enjoyed her own lunch. Eventually, it was Sammie’s feeding time, and Jimin traded seats with Sophia so she could have the rocking chair. “Can you undo a few of your buttons so we can get skin to skin bonding going?” The nurse asked as she checked over the various tubes and wires around Sammie to make sure they weren’t at risk of coming loose as she moved her to Sophia’s arms.

The second Sammie was placed in Sophia’s arms, everyone could see the way the young mother relaxed at finally having some physical contact with her baby. “Hi, Sammie~” Sophia cooed, a few tears of joy escaping her eyes as she lightly stroked the newborn’s cheek.

The nurse brought a pacifier over and handed it to Sophia. “We’re going to try to get her latching and sucking motion down to make an easier transition to bottle or breast.”

Sophia placed the soother against Sammie’s mouth and pushed it in. The infant welcomed the object, suckling on it for a few seconds before attempting to spit it out, unable to due to Sophia holding it in place. “Looks like somebody doesn’t like pacifiers~” Sophia cooed to the infant as the nurse began to push the milk through the feeding tube.

After they finished feeding Sammie, the nurse took the infant from her mother’s arms and gestured for her to switch places with Yoongi, so he could hold his daughter. After undoing the top few buttons of his own flannel, since the nurse informed him that skin to skin contact with the father was also beneficial to the baby, he welcomed Sammie into his arms and felt his insides both warm and soften at getting to hold his daughter for the first time. “Hi there, princess~” Yoongi whispered to the baby, silently vowing to himself to always protect her every second for the rest of his life.

Sammie was cleared to go home at the end of June after three and a half weeks in the NICU. After a car seat test to make sure Sammie would stay stable for the duration of the ride home, and a talk with Sophia telling her to watch out for symptoms of postpartum depression, since the disorder is more prevalent in women who give birth prematurely, the family made their way back to Conway, giving Yoongi and Sophia a month and a half to settle into a routine at home with the new addition to their family before the school year started up for them. They managed well for the first couple of weeks of the semester, but soon enough, the stress of being parents in college weighed down on the both of them.

It was a Saturday about halfway through the semester, and Yoongi had offered to take care of Sammie by himself to give Sophia some time to catch up on her assignments. He was currently in Sammie’s room, changing the now four-month old’s diaper. “Let’s get you out of this dirty diaper and into a clean one~” Yoongi cooed in a high-pitched voice as he unfastened the diaper, now immune to the smell after months of changing the infant’s diapers. He opened up the pack of baby wipes, and the second the cleaning tool came in contact with her bare bottom, Sammie began to wail. “I know you don’t like it, but we gotta get you all clean!” Yoongi talked to the young infant to distract her from him cleaning her up. Once she was fully clean, Yoongi noticed that her skin was red and splotchy. “Oh, do you have a diaper rash?” Yoongi asked the baby, feeling a pang in his chest as he thought about the pain his daughter must have been in. “Don’t worry, Daddy will fix you right up.” He began to search through the various drawers and boxes in the nursery only to come up empty handed. He hated to disturb Sophia, but he felt he had no choice but to ask for her assistance. “Soph, do you know where Sammie’s butt paste is?” He called out to the living room where Sophia was working on her homework.

A couple of minutes later, Sophia entered the nursery with the tube in her hand. “Must’ve left it in the diaper bag~” She mumbled as she handed it to him, exiting the room just as quickly as she had entered it, giving Yoongi no time to even thank her.

Yoongi finished changing Sammie’s diaper and moved to lay on his back on the floor, letting Sammie lay on his stomach. He occasionally lifted her up in the air, smiling widely as she let out a chorus of giggles before bringing her back down to smother her face in kisses. “You’re just a happy baby, aren’t you?” Yoongi asked as he sat up, holding her close to his chest as he checked his watch. “And it seems to be time to eat.” He carefully stood up from the floor, propping Sammie on his hip to carry her to the kitchen, passing by Sophia who was furiously typing on her laptop without even sparing him a glance. Yoongi went straight to searching through the cabinets for the container of formula. Sophia’s milk production had decreased so tremendously by the time Sammie was discharged that breastfeeding became an even bigger struggle at home, so they had decided to switch over to formula fully, not without a large amount of guilt on Sophia’s part. He searched through almost every cabinet and still had not found the container, so he once again regretfully asked Sophia. “Soph, do you know where the formula is?”

Sophia sighed deeply, “I don’t know, Yoongi~”

Yoongi continued searching, still coming up with nothing. “Did we run out or something? Because I can’t find it-“ Yoongi hadn’t even finished his statement before Sophia was in the kitchen with him, opening a random cabinet and finding the formula almost immediately. He opened his mouth to thank her but stopped when he noticed that she was already starting to make the bottle. “I can make the bottle, Soph, you just focus on getting your homework done.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll do it~” Yoongi could hear the passive-aggressive tone in his fiancée’s voice. “I mean, I have to do everything else anyway, what’s making one bottle?”

“You don’t have to do everything, Sophia,” Yoongi responded. “That’s why I said to focus on your homework, I’m capable of taking care of our daughter for an afternoon.”

“Apparently not, if you’re asking for my help every five seconds.”

Yoongi moved a few steps into the living room to place Sammie in her Bumbo chair that was on the floor in front of the TV, not wanting her to witness an argument between her parents. “I’ve asked for your help twice, and those were only because I couldn’t find something. You’re the one that’s deciding you need to step in and make a bottle.”

Sophia set the now finished bottle down on the counter with a little more force than necessary. “I have homework, Yoongi. I can’t drop what I’m doing every time you need something found.”

“You didn’t have to!” Yoongi insisted. “You could have just said ‘hey check the diaper bag’ or something and then continued working on whichever assignment you’re doing.” He followed Sophia as she moved back to the couch to gather up her work. “And I’m sorry for thinking that asking where the formula was wouldn’t be such a big deal.”

“Well when I have school and work and a baby to take care of, it is a big deal!” Sophia exclaimed, slamming her laptop shut. “I’m just tired~”

“Have you forgotten that I also have school and work and baby to take care of?” Yoongi asked. “You’re not the only one with a full plate, Sophia.”

“Yeah, but I doubt anyone at your job expects you take care of your child while you’re working too!” It was at this moment that tears started to fall from Sophia’s eyes. “I thought it would be great having Sammie at the same center I work at. I would get to see her whenever I wanted throughout the day while someone else took care of her and gave me a break. But no! Unless your dad is there to step in, they call me in to feed her and change her and rock her, so I don’t even get a break then! So, I’m sorry for wanting just one afternoon without having to worry about doing anything except my schoolwork.”

Sophia began to move past Yoongi to go into their bedroom with her school supplies, and Yoongi reached out to lightly rub her arm. “Soph-“

“Just leave me alone, Yoongi!” Sophia slammed their bedroom door behind her, causing Yoongi to flinch and Sammie to start crying, as the noise startled her.

Yoongi took a deep breath to calm himself down before picking the crying infant up and cuddling her into his chest to try to calm her. “Shh, it’s okay, Sammie~” Yoongi kissed the top of her head before grabbing the bottle from the counter and moving to the couch. He placed the bottle in her mouth, holding her close to him as he fed her, thinking over the events that had just taken place. Sammie finished about three fourths of the bottle before dozing off, so Yoongi carefully pulled the bottle away without disturbing her and set it on the floor next to his feet. After watching his little girl sleep for a few minutes, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and clicked on one of his most recent contacts. “Hey, Dad~”

About half an hour later, after he finished the phone call and lay Sammie in her crib, he slowly pushed open his bedroom door, seeing a lump on Sophia’s side of the bed completely covered by their comforter. He quietly closed the door behind him and walked over to his side of the bed, climbing in and pulling the covers over his head so that he was face to face with Sophia. “Hi~” He whispered to the teary eyed 19-year-old.

“I’m such a bitch~” Sophia mumbled, and Yoongi was quick to wrap his arm around her and pull him close to her.

“No, you’re not. You’re just stressed. I am too.” He assured her before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. After cuddling her in silence for a couple of minutes, he brought up the call to his dad. “I called my Dad, and they’re coming to pick Sammie up for the weekend.”

Sophia’s head shot up as she looked at him, quickly shaking her head. “No, we can’t force them to do that!”

“Soph,” She stopped talking as Yoongi got her attention. “You need a break.” Sophia bit her lip nervously. “And you know how much my family loves Sammie, so we’re not forcing them into anything. They’re just going to keep her tonight, maybe tomorrow night if you’re still feeling down, and we’re going to have some well-earned relaxation time.” Sophia nodded and once again rested her head against Yoongi’s chest. He lovingly stroked her hair as he asked her a serious question. “Do you want to talk to someone?”

Sophia shrugged. “I probably should, but I don’t know who.”

“If you want, Meagan said she would make sure to clear an opening for you.” Yoongi brought up the suggestion his therapist had made back when they had first brought Sammie home for the first time. “If not Meagan, then I’m sure there’s someone at CPAC, or somewhere else, that you would feel comfortable talking to.”

Sophia nodded and angled her head to look up at her fiancé. “Will it get better? Or at least easier?”

“I’m sure it will~” Yoongi brushed some of her hair out of her face. “We’re halfway through the semester, so that’s a start. Then we’ll get married and have an entire week to ourselves for our honeymoon.” A hint of a smile was already appearing on Sophia’s face at the thought of their quickly approaching wedding. “And then you’ll only have one semester left of school before you graduate, and your boss already assured you an automatic promotion and raise once you get your degree.” Yoongi reminded her before pressing a quick kiss her lips. “Trust me, things will get easier.”

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