#what an absolute clown daddy

[tweedlebugged]

Do I think that Link breaking the pick is an act of empathy for Scary?

Abso-fucking-lutely. Even if he didn’t mean it to be, it 1000% was.

His whole emotional arc since the betrayal has been centered around his anger towards Scary. After spending so much of the season talking about being her friend and caring about her, he pretty viciously and immediately broke off that relationship, and has spent the last several episodes shutting her out at every available opportunity. But during the argument he finally got the real reason why Scary decided to kill Tony—because someone she trusted told her it was the best way to help the most people. Lincoln’s always had a very black and white view of trust and morality, so seeing Scary’s side at all here is a big growth moment for him. Just like you wanted Normal!

And he probably could have just said he understood now, but Scary had literally also just said that being nice and saying you care isn’t enough. And honestly, just saying the words to try to break the anchor his way would have made Lincoln one more person trying to use Scary’s feelings to get what he wanted, just like Willy and just like her dad. It kind of plays into their larger arcs with their dads in a really nice way, actually: Lincoln has to reckon with someone he loves and trusts having lied to him and done something terrible for the greater good. Scary has to accept that people mean it when they say they care about and want to understand her, and that the love won’t just disappear because she’s not useful or likable anymore.

That said! Do I think Anthony/the Doodler/Normal/Willy/literally anyone else in the multiverse will count it, since Lincoln very much did still break the fucking pick?

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[dellinah]

I was going to name this “angel of darkness” after the song I listened to on repeat while drawing this, but then I remembered it’s Loona and she probably wouldn’t appreciate anything that could relate her to Cherubs of any kind. So now it’s just LoonaDeath.png

Anyway Puss in Boots 2 hum. It’s all everyone is talking about rn. And it makes me hella happy.

I went in without any expectations since I had avoided most trailers and wow. I came out with one of my new favorite movies of all time, animated or otherwise. I genuinely think it’s among DreamWorks’ best. I did not expect such an accurate and respectful depiction of mental health and PTSD; or a valid discussion about mortality x what makes like worth it, or what counts as a family, or healing broken trust.

But it delivered that and much more.

I just love it a lot, everything about it. Animation, story, character, themes. Between Puss in Boots 2, The bad guys and Del Toro’s Pinocchio I think 2022 was a great year for animation and none of it was Disney so hummm. Let’s see if that changes.

Either way it was a great movie.

So. El Lobo hum.

Yeah shoot me he’s pretty hot I’ll just embrace it. I love him. All my furry friends do, one way or another. Whether you think he’s really cool or you want him inside y-

Probably one of the most memorable and menacing villains in recent animated movies and damn it I love him. In a lot of ways. For a lot of reasons. But they went all out on his animation and his scenes are so great.

Long story short a very random and weird roleplay between a friend and I ended up with us figuring out that Loona is Death’s biological daughter. Which explains their similar eyes and color pallet, and also why Loona is such a natural killer. So I made this.

It makes perfect sense and that’s CANON NOW

Or, you know, it’s just Loona dressed up as Death for Howl-o-ween. Whichever you prefer.

I like how this turned out so far. I WANT to try shading and maybe a bg but who knows so I’ll post this anyway. I hope you like it too.

also watch the movie if you haven’t !!

[calliesmemes]

ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“   I really do hate thinking. ”

“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“   You look so biteable today. ”

“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

[ainywanie]

૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ⑅₎ა OF LOVE AND DREAMS

synopsis: or, in which a stressed out and overwhelmed kenji sato eats takeout with you and slow burn occurs.

requested by; anon / requests are open!

*⁠･⁠゜ﾟ⁠(⁠^⁠O⁠^⁠)⁠↝ read this as well in ao3

Baseball. Fatherhood. Ultraman.

What did those three things have in common? Absolutely none. That was the problem. Neither of those three things had any correlation which made it hell to learn how to split them all evenly. Had Kenji Sato found out earlier that his life would involve tons of juggling things around he would've signed up to be a clown instead of a celebrity.

“There ya go.” Kenji whispers, him in his Ultraman form cradled the adorable Emi who chirped and cried and did everything else but fall asleep in his arms. He's been having a long day and truthfully all he wants is to be less miserable than he was now.

He taps the girl’s back, the small Kaiju looking up at him with — which he swears he can practically see— literal stars in her eyes. “Daddy's here.”

Despite how normally he'd find some sense of contentment and probably even relief or satisfaction from finally soothing Emi from her distress, right now all his mind could try to even focus on was baseball and the fact the KDF were after Emi.

And, for a horrible moment, his heart clenches at the very thought of everything in his life just going away. He's already beating himself up with the recent games, he didn't need anything else adding onto that ever growing giant pile of lists on why Kenji Sato wasn't all that he said to be.

So, here he was, ready to just drown himself (and his sorrows) away with a can of unfortunately healthy coconut water. Couldn't a man drink and get drunk? A nice bottle of alcohol and wine would definitely hit just right for him at this moment.

“God damnit— Mina!” He exclaims, sighing and running his hand through his hair while he examines the drink in his hand, placing it down with a rather miserable expression. ‘This thing’s going to kill me before anything else’ He mutters to himself.

“It is best to incorporate a healthy lifestyle, especially with your many responsibilities lately.” Mina appears with her typical monotone and robotic voice.

“I'm as healthy as you can get.” He argues, walking around the rather huge kitchen he's got. Stardom tends to give out a whole heap of money, and that wasn't anything Kenji could just decline.

Mina stares at him —at least— he's sure if she were a real person with an actual human body she'd probably be staring at him with an unimpressed look. And then his mind flashes to his mother who'd also most likely be doing the same.

“I work out,” Kenji starts, deciding to defend his case. “I wake up early,” He adds, looking around the cupboards and making a mental note to get groceries soon. Soon would be way too far in the future. Soon is barely a day close to tomorrow considering he's already got a lot going on.

“I'm a professional athlete.” Kenji scoffs, leaning against the counter.

“Indeed you are. That is why I contacted—”

Just in time, the front door rings. He doesn't hesitate staring at the robot in disbelief and anger at the sudden visitor. As sudden as the visitor came, Mina promptly went away. “You've gotta be kidding,” He mutters, sighing as his hand rubs his temple while he walks over to the front door to see you at the other side.

His face falls, eyes widening in surprise as he didn't expect this whole thing. “What's up?” He asks, doing a 180 and attempting to be his typical suave self, though, internally he's already hitting himself for being so panicked.

What kind of greeting was ‘what’s up’?

“I bought take out.” You say with a smile, bringing up the paper bag filled with food and drinks and instantly it's almost like Kenji was a teenage girl. Nodding his head and promptly moving aside to let you in, he shuts the door behind you and follows after you into the kitchen.

“So,”

“So?”

He stares at you, watching as you take out plates and utensils for the two of you. “Seems like you've got this whole place down. I would've thought you owned the place instead.”

“I wish I owned this.” You only laugh, shrugging your shoulders, watching him stare at you and you swore he could melt things with how intense he's looking at you. “Seriously, when are you giving me the ownership of this house?”

He only rolls his eyes, walking over to you and nudging you lightly by the shoulder, helping you set the whole thing before he recognises the familiar look of the meal. It was from that one restaurant he'd promised to bring you but never got to.

“Thank you, by the way,” Kenji says, glancing at you from the corner of his eye with a soft smile. It was really the only thing he can say considering it was his mistake to have put all else before you.

“For the food?”

“For everything.” He corrects just before wincing at how absolutely lame and cheesy it sounded. “It sounded better in my head.” He quickly adds, watching you laugh.

“I'll take it.” You reply, enjoying how sweet he was being at the moment. It wasn't even a rare sight for him to treat you so nicely —he always did— but somehow something about the way he talked and looked at you just felt like something was up.

Kenji clears his throat, insisting you sit down on a chair next to him as you two dig into the food you bought from a restaurant that just opened up that you and him always talked about going to. “Wow, it's really good.” He says, glancing at you with a smile.

“Here, taste.” He holds up his chopsticks, the tempura in between as his other free hand is at the bottom opened up to catch any crumb that falls.

“Tastes good, right?” He asks without letting you get another word out as he eats more. “I should've brought you there— the restaurant. I think it would've been a nice experience for us.” He laments without another thought.

“It's fine. Eating takeout with you right now is the same as eating inside the place.” You assure, taking more bites of the meal. “Anyway, what's up with you lately?”

He raises a brow, turning a bit to the side to look at you as his hand stops midway before he takes another bite of his food. “Excuse me?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Do I really?” He shrugs his shoulders, attempting to push and change the topic. Kenji feels his brows furrow as he pushes the rice in his bowl around with a clear frown.

“Ken.”

And god does it drive him crazy when you call him by just that: Ken. Not Sato, Kenji, nor Ultraman. Ken. Which was weird considering you weren't the first nor the only one calling him by that nickname, but all he knew was that the way it rolled off your tongue just melted him and made him feel good in a way.

Ken sighs, groaning somewhat. He knows there's no escaping you when you set your mind full onto something.

“Okay, I've been busy with other things.” He admits.

“You mean baseball?”

He almost corrected you. Almost. Unfortunately he remembered you weren't aware he was Ultraman or that he was technically the father of a huge 20-foot Kaiju that lives in his basement.

Ken sighs, looking at you with a rather sad and clearly exasperated look. It's clear that he's really tired with whatever he's been busy with. And truthfully, you didn't want him to feel like he was being forced to tell you the truth.

“You don't have to tell me.” You whisper, taking a hold of his hand and squeezing it as you look up at him with a smile. “You'll tell me about it anyway in the future. Eventually, at least I hope.”

He smiles, letting out a small chuckle as he looks at you with a certain gleam in his eye, his hand squeezing yours back. “Yeah. I probably will.”

“See? And whatever those ‘other’ things are,” You bring up, attempting to cheer him up. Your fist connects with his shoulder playfully before your hand just naturally rests there. “I'm sure you'll handle them just fine no matter what.”

“Besides, I'm here if you need help.”

“I know.” Ken looked over at you, his hand coming up to hold the one you had on his shoulder. He can't exactly find the words to explain things: whatever he's feeling, whatever this moment meant, or whatever you and him were. Why would he need to ponder on your relationship?

You both just sat there, looking at each other expecting something yet also nothing at the same time. Would he? Would you? Neither one of you had any idea on what to do.

“I could kiss you right now.”

Now it was your turn to look at him in astonishment at his blunt words. You could practically feel your eyes leaving your socket and your jaw falling open. “Excuse me?”

“Platonically.” Ken adds in a panic. He sounds surprised and shocked at what he said as if it wasn't him who literally said it out loud. “Like on the mouth— cheek. On the cheek.” He clears his throat, completely looking away from you now with both shame and horror evident in his expression as his fingers begin to drum on top of the table.

The air is tense. The place was now quiet save for the sound his fingers make as they tap. “I appreciate it,” You awkwardly reply, looking away and it's clear both of you are extremely flustered. “The kiss on the cheek.” You said but was that really all you wanted?

“You would?” Ken raises a brow, managing to find some strength in facing you despite the way his heart started to beat in his chest furiously. “Great. I guess we could.. Do that?” He clears his throat, once more already imagining himself hitting his head from the back with a bat. Why did he have to keep talking?

“Deal.”

Despite the tension, whether it be because of the awkwardness or something else entirely neither of you cared as you laughed and ate the food. He told you stories, about his childhood, his work, or whatever he's just been up to in general; and in turn, you told him hilarious and rather stupendous jokes you often hear from your coworkers, but it always makes him laugh so you suppose it does the job.

“— and then I accidentally hit her on the head so you can bet it wasn't nice afterwards.” He told you the story of him teaching Emi baseball, disguising Emi as a girl he babysits ‘on the side’ often whom he also grew pretty fond of watching over. “She's a sweet girl. Needy. But sweet.”

You laugh, enjoying his stories which were never dull and always filled with a sense of amazement every time he tells you one. “Well, what else did you expect from a kid?” You reply with an amused smile.

“I knew what to expect, okay?” He chuckles, shaking his head as his thoughts drift to his times of being with Emi and spending time with her who he practically saw as a daughter. “I just didn't expect things to be hard.”

You send him a raised brow and a playful smile. “If I didn't know any better, I would've thought this Emi was your daughter.” You comment. It wasn't really that hard for you to notice how proud he looked when he told you about this Emi. And frankly, this was even the first time he brought her up so it was a surprise for you to learn he even did babysitting as a side job.

Ken nearly chokes on his food at your words. He couldn't be that terrible at keeping his facts straight and making up a whole cover-up story, could he? He turns to you with a forced chuckle leaving his lips. “That just shows how she means to me now, yeah?” He attempts to reply.

“Guess so,”

Eventually, it was getting late, and not wanting you to travel alone back to your home, Ken had insisted you sleep in his room on his bed which surprises you.

“You've got two beds?” You ask, surprised but you follow him to his room nonetheless. In it, you're not surprised with how minimalistic the whole place is. Though you'd probably also be concerned if it was uncharacteristically decorated and done.

Ken raises a brow at you, gesturing to his single bed in the room. “Just that.” He answers, fixing up the bed for you before grabbing some extra blankets and bedsheets from his closet where he neatly places them on the floor.

“Don't sleep on the floor.” You say, stopping him before he can pull some of the pillows down. “I don't mind sharing.”

And so, now, here you both were. Laying down side by side and staring up at the ceiling as silence is present. You're both beneath the sheets, still somewhat wide awake.

“I really appreciate you coming over.” Ken whispers, shifting a bit so he's on his side and looking at you. “You were just what I needed.”

You smile, shifting as well to face him and so you're both staring at each other with wide grins yet shy looks. He was also what you needed. You could tell both your moods improved with just one dinner despite how uneventful it sounded, it meant a lot.

“Thanks, Ken.”

“For what?”

“Everything.”

Baseball. Fatherhood. Ultraman.

Maybe he should seriously start wondering if he should also add love onto the list. But for now, with a quick kiss to your cheek (which takes you by surprise), Ken turns around and closes his eyes and feels himself start to dream.

[chrolloluvr]

💰Things you do that make Mammons heart flutter 💰

Note: Female!Reader 🩷🩷, not proofread!!

Warnings: Cussing, mammons got a HUUGE ego but i love him🥺

Calling him cheezy nicknames. Things like Mamm, Mammy poo, big daddy (his favorite), MooMoo, sugar daddy etc. Its embarrassing for him, especially when you call him these in public. Because he wants to come off as powerful, but when you say these to him, it is guaranteed to give him a noticeable pink hue to his cheeks

Giving him an imnense number of compliments. Or in particular, purposely pandering to him. Lets say you compliment how good of a partner he is, or how he treats you so well. He will be taken aback by your overly suckle comments towards him. He knows he treats you well, but by you telling him just fuels his already large ego, and proves that you truly see how much effort he puts into you.

Wearing or using his merch. If this man ever catches you wearing any of his merch, he will be like a happy, doting 9ft tall puppy. He will say how absolutely irresistible you look. 'Jesus, y/n. Cmon, do a little spin for me, yeah? M'baby looks so fuckin' cute.' He most likely will make you wear Mammon themed panties around the house.

Wearing his clothes. Lets say he gets home from a long day of planning and saving, and he sees your adorable self, covered in his giant clothes, especially big on you, covering your body. He will go absolutely feral. He thinks you are already the most stunning woman in hell, but when he sees you in his jingley clown hat? He feels his heart beeting out of his chest. And my god, what a woman you are. He will grab your waist with both of his hands, and snuggle the shit outa you. And he wont let go.

The size difference. It. Is. So. Obvious. People point it out all the time in the media and on Sinstagram. He's probably at least 10ft tall, so your basically shorter than him. He absolutely lives for it. He will constantly tease you for it. And he loves that it makes him feel more dominant. He loves that you have to literally break your neck to look up at his face, or that he has to reach down to give you a smooch. He will put things on higher shelves, just to see you struggle and ask him for help

Speaking of so, he adores when you ask him to help you with things. Such as asking him for help opening a Nutella jar, all the way to asking for help unclipping your bra. It shows you need him. And that churns out a feral side to him. 'Babe whats with all the ruckus- ohhh your trying to reach the top shelf? You're so cute, always needin' my help' Sometimes, he purposely wont help you, just to see your precious reactions he is always so greedy and eager to see.

Carrying you. His favortite ways to carry you is over his shoulders, under his arm, and facing him, with his hands under your plush thighs. He loves holding you close to him, because I, ( along with other authors ) believe he is naturally cold. So holding you close to him lets him tear his walls down for a bit. You feel like a small flee while being carried by him. If hes carrying you over his shoulder, he will slap your ass, and listen for the sweet sound of your squeaks every time he does it.

Resting your head between the nook of his neck. He loves when you do this, and you know he does. Sometimes, you will whisper in his ear how much you love him, and how he is the best thing to come in your life, and watch as you swear you can see his eyes soften and look at you lovingly. You are probably the only person to ever see that from him. He also has a thing for sniffing you (which I get into in my future hcs), so he likes to smell your hair, as he grabs the back of your head. He would never usually be that vulnerable around you, so you must know his weaknesses extremely well.

Hearing you brag about him. He knows you show him off to your friends, as well as the rest of Hell. But let's say he walks into your shared master bedroom, and your on the phone. 'Sarah, I'm being serious. Mamm treats me well, stop worrying about me. Im fine, yes. Yeah he a bit of a control freak, but who isnt? I love him for him. Im not joking, no-' He is in utter shock. you are talking about him, and your defending him? Yeah, be prepared for a looooong night. He will never forget about you saying that. And he will never bring it up, since he doesn't want to come off as a wuss. You genuinely love him. The fact that you said that and you didn't know he was in your vicinity is wild to him.

If you look up at him with your big doe eyes. God, you better stop it if you don't want to be manhandled and praised. You just look so innocent and cute, and he just wants to come up and squish your puffy little cheeks like the gif below ⬇️ .His heart feels like it's running laps, but he wont let you see that. He keeps his cool demeanor, as he tells you 'Babe, you think that shits gonna work ok me? Really fuckin' smart arench'ya?

[pinejayy]

╰┈➤ Buggy The Clown x F!Reader NSFW Headcanons

warnings: nsfw!! teasing, oral, spanking, biting, degrading, fingering .

a/n: this clown has been on my mind all day and damn he’s so hot.

Buggy is a very adventurous man when it comes to the bedroom. He is willing to try almost anything once. But he’s definitely into biting, spanking, teasing, bondage, role playing, blindfolds and many more things.

He can be a huge tease in the bed room. He absolutely loves teasing you, hearing you whimper and beg makes his ego go sky high. It’s a huge ego boost. “That’s right my little Princess, tell daddy what you want.” He’ll say softly as he’s brushing his fingers against your sensitive areas.

Lots of circus or clown related pick up lines. Like for example “You know the old saying, 'Once you've had a clown, you'll never turn around'." And “Wanna see what’s inside my tent?” And “Would you help me remove my greasepaint from some hard-to-reach places?" And “I’m about to give you the second-greatest show on earth!” And finally “You know what they say about guys with comicaly large shoes.”

He’s very vocal. He enjoys moaning, grunting and whimpering. And when you’re giving a well deserved blow job he’ll drag his hands along your hair and moan under his breath. “God…you’re doing a good job. Put that dirty mouth to good use.”

Buggy is into role playing. He’s favorite thing to role play is him the big bad criminal that has taken you captive.

Loves to blindfold you and tying you up. He enjoys watching you squirm and struggle . “Ha, you’re so helpless!”

Boy!! If you were to wear a sexy clown outfit you best believe that he’s gonna fuck like there’s no tomorrow. And good luck walking the next day.

Makeout sessions always so hot with him. He enjoys sitting on his chair as you sit on his lap. Lips against each other. Your arms wrapped around his neck as you grind against him. His red lipstick would definitely get smeared all over your lips.

As you’re sitting on his lap, he’ll run his hands all over your body, feeling every curve. And he loves to play around you. I can see him squeezing your boobs and saying “Honk Honk.”

I can also him unzipping his pants and saying “Pop goes the Weasel.” As his dick springs up.

Whenever he’s had a stressful day because of Luffy he’ll drag you to his private room and bend you over a table or something and rip your off bottoms and undo his. And he’ll grab a hand full of your hair and shove his length into you. He’s gonna let out all his frustration onto you. So buckle up Princess.

As he’s letting his frustration onto you he’ll spank you and pull your hair. “That stupid Luffy guy really pisses me off.”

He’ll also pin you against the wall and fuck you roughly, and you’re a moaning mess. Legs wrapped around his waist. And there’s gonna be lots of biting from his part.

And lots of degrading “That’s right Princess, I bet I’m the only one to make you feel this good.” “God you’re so fucking tight, you’re my little dirty little girl.” “I bet you like whenever I fuck you like this.”

Whenever he’s done with his bitch fit he’ll quickly apologize to you. Buggy will make sure he didn’t hurt you too badly. And he’s so good with aftercare. He’ll make sure to grab you a snack or a cup of water. And he’ll just hold you close and apologize about this behavior. “Sorry about that Princess…it’s just that stupid Luffy guy pisses me off.”

Lots of cuddles! You two would be cuddling each other on his bed. And he’ll just admire you. He’s definitely lucky to have you as his.

Buggy definitely loves goes down on you, he loves the way you arch your back. And the way you moan and he loves how his red lipstick gets all messy. “Oh my look at the mess we made.”

He can be between your legs for hours. He loves the way taste and for the love of god please tug his hair as he’s eating you out.

Oral sex is very fun with him. He could be eating you as he detaches his dick off and it’s making it’s way to your lips. So a very exotic 69. And! He’ll also detach his hands and they’ll make their way to your boobs and he’ll play with them.

Buggy has joked around about giving his audience a real show. “Come on baby! Let’s give these people a real show!”

Whenever you’ve been misbehaving he’ll finger you real slow, and he doesn’t care if you’re begging for more. This is all you’re getting. “Shh, don’t whine Princess. You were misbehaving, what makes you think you deserve more.”

He’ll tease your clit. “Ah, don’t cum until I give you permission.” And after awhile hearing your whimpers he’ll give in and give you the fucking of a life time.

You guys fuck all the time and honestly Buggy’s crew are sick and tried of hearing you guys. But they don’t dare say anything to him.

You’re always covered in his red lipstick and hickeys and you better show them off. Show the whole wolf that you belong to Buggy.

[leavemebetosleep]

Idk if I'll finish this, but here's a sketch of my "what if" if the main baddies were in Equestria Girls. Note I have only watched one EG movie. Working profiles under the cut, subject to change if I come up with something better.

Grogar: 42. Principal of the academy. Corrupt official. Former military. Big fan of the school to prison pipeline. Not interested in reforming his students, he wants more underground connections.

Discord: 17. Not much different from regular Discord, just without powers. Unless being annoying is a super power. Burned his last school down with a prank gone wrong. Aged out of foster care. Great test scores, but short attention span. Class clown. Desperate to be liked. Folds like a napkin whenever anyone is nice to him. Thinks Tirek is his BFF.

Tirek: 16. Committed armed robbery. Just barely managed to get tried as a minor. Was ratted out by his brother, and they no longer are on speaking terms. Daddy issues from parental favoritism. Absolutely planning to go back to crime as soon as he's out. Tolerates Discord because he lets Tirek cheat off his homework, but actually thinks he's annoying and clingy.

Cozy Glow: 8. Manipulative and a likely a child prodigy. Repeated instances being a danger to other students in her former school. Has been expelled multiple times. Tartarus was the last school that would take her. Has a baby crush on Tirek. Family never visits.

Chrysalis: 15. Disowned from her family. Committed crimes to survive homelessness, but has become more and more ruthless. No one can seem to get through to her anymore. Smart and calculating. Flirts with people and/or acts nice only when she wants things.

Sombra: 16. White collar crimes. Rich kid. Can't believe his parents couldn't buy off the judge. Only one who wears the uniform properly. Doesn't get along with any of the others, and wants to go back to his fancy private school already. Think he's above these weird poor people.

[beanghostprincess]

Rayleigh and Buggy reunion, but Rayleigh is being over the top judgemental about everything, like idk if u are familiar with crazy ex girlfriend the TV show but Rayleigh shows up and acts exactly like Rebecca's mom does. Overcritical of his life choices and dismissive of what he perceives as excuses coming from Buggy, because he knows Buggy's true potential and is annoyed with Buggy not living up to it. He gives Crocodile a once over and goes "is that what you found to replace Shanks with" and moves on and Crocodile doesn't even have a moment to compute the way he was just insulted because Rayleigh has moved on to criticising Mihawk's cooking instead. Worst part is, this all comes from a genuine place of love and care, Rayleigh is legitimately worried sick about his baby clown son of 39 years, but he cannot express that worry without being extremely invasive about everything. Buggy isn't even responding, he just shoots ppl apologetic looks and rolls his eyes when Rayleigh isn't looking because of course he does this obviously Buggy is never good enough for him and Shanks had always been the favourite (you ask Shanks or any other Roger pirate and they will tell you that Buggy is Rayleigh's baby boy and absolute favourite with utmost confidence, too bad the emotional constipation runs in the crew). Dinner is awkward as fuck, because Rayleigh makes attempts at being easygoing but his motherhenning nature irt Buggy shines through, his conviction that Buggy would be happier with Shanks by his side is making him be overcritical of everyone in that dinner and he keeps discussing the good old days and subtly hinting at Buggy that there is still time for him to go back to Shanks....and Buggy looks close to frustrated tears (and everyone agrees, Crocodile has snapped 5 cigars in half with his teeth and Mihawk is 5 seconds away from banging his head on the table).

Just overbearing father Rayleigh being stifling and trying to overcompensate for his shit parenting choices during Buggy's childhood and Buggy having his daddy issues expanded upon (and Crocodile and Mihawk gaining insight to Buggy's entire deal)

"Idk if u are familiar with crazy ex girlfriend the TV sho-" My therapist literally told me to stop watching it so much because it was affecting my mental health. So. Yes. I know the show. It's one of my favorite shows EVER. Rebecca is just like me fr my beloved. All of them my beloveds. The songs my beloveds. Don't make me go into CEG x OP because I won't finish. And as you can see, I did not listen to my therapist.

Even though I've always seen Rayleigh as the one who understands Buggy the most (Roger and him love Shanks and Buggy equally but it is quite obvious they put more pressure on Shanks to be more like Roger and that only made things worse by making Buggy's inferiority complex exist) and the one who stands up more for him and comforts him when needed, it is true that he might be more judgemental and he'd be worried for Buggy. Like. Think about it. Roger died and the kids (their kids) ended up alone and going their own separate ways. For Rayleigh, finding out Shanks and Buggy aren't together is just?? So weird?? Because they've always been together. Birds of a feather (if somebody mentions the song 'Two Birds' I am punching them because I can't handle that song today please). And it's just... Well, surprising. 'But as long as they're okay' but they're obviously not okay!!! And it's not that Rayleigh is judging Buggy. In fact, I think he would do the same with Shanks. The second Rayleigh sees Shanks he's already saying he drinks too much (even for a pirate) and that he's been acting recklessly and "What the fuck are you doing without Buggy? Is this because of Buggy?" / "I do not drink because of him. It's- It's not about him. He left-" / "HE LEFT AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING?????" / "I hate it when you get like this" / "Like what?" / "Like you want to still do something about my life. I'm an adult, thank you very much-" / "No, you're not if you keep acting this way". And I personally think Rayleigh would just be worried for the both of them and also feel extremely guilty because he wasn't there to fix things when they fought, the way he always did. "The second I left you alone you two start a fight that lasts two decades?" and he would say this to both of them and they would hate it.

But yeah, going back to Buggy I think he'd be worried because. Well. Have you seen Crocodile and Mihawk? I mean. They're kind of on good terms with Buggy now (more or... More or less. Kind of. They're not equals but they're some sort of weird thing and they respect and care for each other. More or less. It's- It's complicated. Don't ask) but they're still them. And Rayleigh can't help but see the situation and be like "I'm proud you made a name of yourself, kid, but you don't have to do this if you don't want to" (meaning: You could go back to Shanks any time you wanted) and Buggy takes it as an "You could go back to Shanks any time you wanted because you'd be safer with him" instead of the real "You could go back to Shanks any time you wanted because you'd be happier with him and this war of pride and hearts you have going on is dumb". And he understands Buggy needs to be away from Shanks to grow, but it's just so, so sad to see them like this when they used to love each other so damn much.

Also, I think Buggy would be going through the worst moment of his life and Crocodile and Mihawk would be so done for different reasons. First, they don't give a fuck about all of this drama. And second, they are starting to see Buggy more like a person and understand why he is the way he is, and the things Rayleigh is saying are bothering them a lot. They've been trying to make the clown move on from his past so he's useful for once (because when he believes in himself he's actually not a burden and more interesting) and now this guy (that they respect because it's Silvers Fucking Rayleigh) comes and tries to change things around here? Nope. Not happening.

So basically, what you're trying to tell me is that Rayleigh regrets raising the boys that way and now he's overcompensating and it's overwhelming for everyone, right? I- I love it. Great plot. 10/10. In character. Perfect. It makes me go insane. I love their daddy issues.

(Also, can we talk about how "This Was a Shit Show" and "What'll it be" are extremely Buggy songs??? Because- Because now I want to-)

[iridescentdove]

I need a BSD x Reader where it’s just the reader casually rizzing up everyone like no one is safe from the reader’s infinite rizz, not the ADA, not the PM, not the DOA, not the guild, and definitely not the Hunting Dogs, not even civilians; it’s literally everyone that is getting rizzed up, while the reader is aware and laughs and points at every clown they rizzed up.

THE ULTIMATE RIZZLORD.

various!BSD x reader

A/N: anon, I would like to point out how much I love you and this request right now. also, I put the reader in the port mafia for fun because why not.

Absolutely speechless.

This is how everyone felt – well, whether whoever it may be, there was just one thing all could collectively agree on. They may all be feared and powerful factions that anyone could basically kneel down to, however ...

Who THE FUCK is this audacious person?

MORI was the first to witness your ass flirt with every single person you saw. But no, did you even care? Not at all. He stares, bewildered and mildly in concern as you came up to every single person you saw – completely distracted from the mission at hand as you asked women to step on you, choke you ...

He wants you throw you back from where you came from.

Oh wait, nevermind. You were now flirting with HIM. MORI is in even more shock at your confidence. Damn, pretty bold of you. But he actually thought you kinda hot fr. Elise still #1 bae tho

And somehow, you were taken up to being an executive. Everyone is morbid and utterly terrified.

How the fuck is someone like you an EXECUTIVE?? HELLO??

CHUUYA turns as red as his hair could ever be. Look man, he just wanted to complain about Dazai and you here just ..

"That fucking idiot Dazai! I'll rip him apart!"

"Yes daddy- I mean, can you do that to me too?"

"... What?"

"Ooh~ those fingers are so slender and pretty .."

"Wh-"

"Mind if I ... caress them a little, babygorl?"

"(Y/N) WHAT-"

Aww, look at that, Chuuya is deader than Odasaku <3

But God forbid you be taken on important missions against another factiom because fuck man. All you're there for is 1% fighting, 99% rizzing.

Y'know when everything was in chaos in Yokohama bcz of the Guild trying to take over? Everyone's fighting their ass off, God knows where DAZAI is but no one cares, and you?? Uh yeah already guessed it.

Tryna rizz up the agency.

Like yes, they're in trouble, everyone is, we know but fuck war we want fictional men. And women.

"Are you lingo? Because we can make a good duo 😏" - you

"... Did you just make a duolingo pickup line" - kunikida

Man times when the port mafia and the agency are in a truce, you're there back and forth flirting nonstop. Everyone is red, turned on from your oh so amazing rizzler skills

DAZAI enjoys your company obviously. Both of you create so much chaos, but even sometimes you're so much worse than him. You're the only one who can actually surprise him. Like wtf bitch stop flirting with the damn secret police?? Uh??

You make suicidal jokes, whispering them so sexily in his ear he wanna take you to the bed right there mamasita lip bite

Oh, the Decay of Angels wanna achieve world domination? They can dominate sumn else if you know what I mean

No words can express how terrified u keep making everyone THAT'S FYODOR HE'LL KILL YOU WITH A TOUCH BITCH- oh wait nvm he's melting from all of your rizz and affection.

You are literally so sweet but so confusing. SIGMA sees you around the Sky Casino just chilling and flirting with everyone you see. He don't mind cause you hot anyway

The Guild kinda ... actually, no. They're not safe. FITZGERALD? More like Rizzgerald cause this bitch 'bout to get rizzed so hard he turns poor

Yeah .. I don't take it to heart.

You'll just be up in their ass even after the Yokohama incident. Literally all of them both love and hate you. "Should we throw her off a cliff or kiss her" "Idk the second option is kinda tempting tho" "Boss, what do we d-" "Both."

DAMN LOVECRAFT AND BRAM TOO?? BITCH STOP 😭

No one can escape from your rizz. Okay one time you got kidnapped by the fuckin Hunting Dogs but you just?? Started to rizz up and call JOUNO ur bbygorl?? He is seconds from slicing your head off but he gave up at this point.

Where you got that rose from 🤨

Why the fuck is romantic music playing 😐

You asked FUKUCHI himself to choke you and slam you against the wall. Not even an ounce of regret of fear.

Everyone officially is scared of you.

ANGO isn't free from this either, bitch. You'll strut into the room all happy to talk for a mission and all but ... uhh. "So you're from the Special Division? I can't blame you then ... I feel as if I have something special going on for you."

ANGO, internally: iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp-

Sadly, he is now a simp.

The fact his face turns so red is not unnoticed by you. You laugh, clowning everyone you literally rizzed up no joke. They're so in love with ur pretty/handsome/hot ass 😔

No one is free. If you find a pretty bird, ask it's hand for marriage. There is no other way but that.

Mk but the way you literally hit on AKUTAGAWA do be funny. Bitch is so oblivious, he just thinks you're another certain blonde hair slaying bitch 😳

By the time he actually knows you're rizzing him up by being more direct about your advances, he is questioning life.

But bcz you're SOO close to DAZAI maybeee we can ...

Work sumn out, you know? heh

One day the mafia just be chilling and BOOM heree comes the wh00000re~ hello wh000re~ welcome~ 😍

(i am so sorry if this offends someone it's a meme-)

Cue everyone sighing as you come in and start your daily routine which is rizzing. You'll be caressing KOUYOU's cheek, talking to CHUUYA with that sexy ass deep voice, whispering in MORI's ear, and everytime you breathe the vine boom sound effect comes off.

Can't say they don't like it though. We all know we have some horny deviants lovestruck little cuties <3 but let's just say it's hard being here with those hoes 😔✌️

Yet most especially,

You.

*bites lip* (i am sorry.)

[florisa6s]

A idea- Bats

I love the idea of Batman bringing all his Robin's to league meeting

Imagine Dick just comes out from underneath batman's cape absolutely slams a piece of paper on the table and starts to violent draw.

Hal: Hey buddy what are you drawing?

Dick: I'm drawing clowns! (He says this in a complete angry and aggressive tone before violently showing the picture to the rest of the league and it's a bad drawing of them all minus Batman)

Bruce: That's an amazing drawing Robin we'll have to frame that in the bat cave (Dick is just beaming happily as Bruce pats his head)

------

Jason would stay hidden under the cape and would be reading a book quietly giggling through the whole meeting so everyone just sees batman and child like giggles.

I can see Jason crawling under the table messing with everyone and I can totally see him watching Wonder woman who totally sees him and gives him an autograph.

Jason hears people talking about Batman and immediately kicks them in the chin before hiding in Batman's cape clinging to his leg (I can totally see Jason as a daddy boy with Bruce when he was younger after he was adopted)

-------

Whenever Tim was taken there like all the others he hid in Bruce's cape with his tablet solving unsolved mysteries from Bruce's files (which at this point he's leaving cases "unsolved" for the others to do) I can see everyone coming to talk to Bruce only for Tim's little hand to reach out and slap their hand away (he totally got protective of Bruce after a while since you know his parents are always away)

Tim takes a small job being Bruce's little bodyguard smacking people's hands away no matter who they were (Hal and Barry try to mess with him only to get their ass handed to them)

I see Tim standing serious beside Bruce as he does his speech only at the end to be patted in the head and handed a lollipop

-----

I see Steph proudly walking around puffing up and trying to fight/get autographs during the whole meeting and I can see her go up to Batman loudly digging inside his belt and pulling out a bunch of candy only to sit down on the table munching loudly while Superman tries to talk.

------

Cass would just spend the whole time ducking in and out of shadows scaring everyone especially Hal and gifts Bruce the video of the other league members screaming for Christmas.

I fully imagine the others just thinking Batman got cursed or something or he's a meta with a shadow power when it's just Cass.

------

When Damian is taken there he puffs up to everyone, when Superman tried to greet Bruce he gets slapped and when Wonder woman tries he glares and stands infront of Bruce.

Hal and Flash are giggling as Damian sits on Batmans lap with crossed arms like a mini Bat and Bruce would look down ask if the plan sounds correct and Damian would give it the yes or no.

Damian crackles and chases after Hal and Booster Gold with his sword swiping at people's ankles with his Batarangs (Damian would definitely make his own Batarangs but for just him to use which are smaller and different colored.)

----

All the bat kids left their Robin symbol somewhere in the meeting room and I think it would probably be under the table (imagine there's other sidekicks marks)

[starshadyy]

what your favorite splatoon character says about YOU!

obligatory “this is a joke” disclaimer, please don’t take offense i’m only being silly👉👈

☆ ★ ☆

callie: you are a diehard squid sisters fan. you have an intrinsic sense for design and are probably super creative. you hate it when people misinterpret her. others wouldn’t assume it, but you actually need therapy more than most others on this list…😔

marie: you’re really intimidating but probably super nice. you’re actually good at the game and are well-versed in the meta. you may not be the best at communication, but you have a strong intuition and are good at reading people

pearl: an absolute feral crackhead who needs to be kept on a leash. definitely queer. nasty majesty is your national anthem. you breathe life and energy into every situation you enter, and others appreciate you for it. you are pearlina’s strongest soldier! 🩷🩵

marina: you are a massive nerd /affectionate. you either wanna be her friend or you have a fat crush on her. you listen to splatoon ost all the time. your room is packed with stuff from the media you like, including mountains of plushies

shiver: you join her team during splatfests even when you don’t necessarily agree with the platform. you’re likely very sarcastic and always speak your mind. oh yeah, and you’re a weeb

frye: you loved her from the start and defended her honor back when everyone was clowning on her design. you’re very talented but humble about your accomplishments. you would bite someone if allowed

big man: you act laid back but are probably filled with anxiety. i get the vibe that you would own an unconventional pet of some kind [turtle, frog, ferret, etc.]. you’re for sure the mom friend. you know nothing about splatoon lore

captain 3: you are the BACKBONE of this fandom and i have nothing but respect for you. you’re probably ranked pretty high in competitive and are likely a completionist

agent 4: you grew up on splatoon 2 and were sure that they would show up in side order only to be… uh, half right? i’m so sorry sweet prince /gn. don’t you worry, your day [splatoon 4] is fast approaching…

eight: you’re very analytical and derive great joy from the story aspects of splatoon. you either write or read fanfiction and maybe cosplay too. you LIVE for the found family trope, and also probably ship them with captain 3. you have amazing taste :]

neo agent 3: you think lil buddy is the most adorable creature to walk the planet. you wish their initial outfit was actually accessible in the game. you’ve probably only played splatoon 3

cap’n cuttlefish: you’re an og who’s been around since splatoon 1 but still know next to nothing about the lore. you don’t main a weapon, and instead prefer to bounce around. you are… an inscrutable crackhead who i want to study

dj octavio: you’re willing to die on the hill that he is not a villain and only did what he did to support his people [you’re right btw]. you’re actually really chill and fun and i have a lot of respect for you. also, i’m liable to believe that you ship him with cuttlefish, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?

commander tartar: you’re… ME??? villainous characters are always your favorites. you think octo expansion is a masterpiece [and you’re entirely right]. you’re a splatoon scholar and scour every obscure twitter post and artbook note to satiate your hunger for that sweet sweet lore. there’s something deeply wrong in your head.

mr. grizz: you play a lot of salmon run but are actually kinda bad at it [shhh i won’t tell]. you suffered through after alterna just for his backstory log and the bear ears. i’m going to go out on a limb here and say… you have daddy issues

smollusk: you LOVE the idea that marina and pearl are its adoptive moms. you’ve beaten side order with every palette. you overuse the “🥺” emoji. you miiight be a little annoying, but your heart is in the right place… probably

acht: either the chillest person you’ll ever meet or the most insane. probably both. you’re 100% queer and probably neurodivergent too. i bet you listen to will wood and / or tally hall. i wanna be your friend

harmony: you know every chirpy chips song by heart. you’re probably really sweet and i know you make banger fanart. you have an affinity for cute things and i bet your favorite pokémon type is fairy. DEFINITELY neurodivergent.

cq cumber: ???you both confuse and frighten me!!! what can i even say? you’re a cryptid! but honestly, you’re kinda iconic. i salute you, you freak of nature🫡

iso padre: I LOVE YOU. you’re accepting of all people and are just an absolute saint in general. daddy issues, but you’re coping way better than the grizz fans. also, i’m betting that you’re neurodivergent

sheldon: i didn’t think you existed, but turns out that you do? you actually listen to his rambles. splatoon 2 is your favorite game in the series. you’re able to see the value in things that others tear down and y'know what? i respect that [not saying i approve of your character choice though]

judd: wait, why him? ohh wait, i know! you probably just don’t care about splatoon’s story at all and / or love cats. there, that’s totally it, right?

lil judd: you either DON’T know his lore and just like the cute little kitten, or you DO know his lore and you’re unhinged. i’m scared of you

spyke: you’d bark for him without hesitation and DON’T pretend you wouldn’t. you clown. you absolute freak. i know what you are. /j

murch: if i had to bet, you’re probably the shy type who prefers to let others do the talking for them. you might secretly be a little freaky though, and i think you should embrace that side of yourself. you’re safe here. be free.

[shmooooo]

pretty sure you got this one before but idc because I'm one of your besties anyway and I deserve and you love me ♡

WayV as doms ?? <3

have fun baby <3 ;)

-🌹

wayv as doms

pairing: wayv x gn!reader

genre: smut

warnings: mentions of the title "daddy", toys, brat taming, spanking, punishment, denial, edging, overstimulation, dacryphilia

word count: 497

notes: some of these are a little short, sorry ^^ it's really extremely ironic that rose and i have literally been writing wayv filth in our free time for like two years now and i still struggled with putting my thoughts into words lol

tagging: @10velyroses

not beta read, we die like men

~~~~~~

Kun

Soft dom. While I'm not a big fan of the title "Daddy", he's that kind of dom. He's soft for you but strict when it comes to following his rules. Many of them are put in place for your well-being because he loves you and knows you can't take care of yourself. But enough of them are also the typical rules meant to tease you and make you life hard (iykyk). If you break them, he will absolutely tell you how disappointed he is and that he hopes you'll do better next time.

Ten

Dom. The teasing kind. sometimes he’ll give you the impression you’re in control only to flip the switch on you really fast. Also a kinky mf and toy enthusiast - he could probably open a shop at this point, you can find everything in his ✨designated drawer✨. He’s also a bit of a sadist and definitely loves to make you work for your pleasure. And while he’s also adamant about you following rules, he mostly does it because he gets a kick out of taming you when you’re being a brat.

Sicheng (Winwin)

Hard dom. Do not mess with him, he will fuck you up - just not necessarily the way you like. Also a brat tamer but less teasing about it than Ten and more on the meaner side (with consent ofc). Enjoys fucking the brat out of you. He’s the type to make you count while spanking you and start over until you make it to the end unless you literally safeword him. 

Dejun (Xiaojun)

Hard dom. Also very teasing but in a meaner way than Ten in that he aims to get you to act up so much that he can rail you three ways into next week. Well, or not rail you at all and instead deny you "until you learn your lesson" (🙄). He’s also a clown though so lighthearted sex is a thing. But when you’re doing scenes, he’s rough. Can also be really mean and degrading when he’s in a headspace (or when you acted like a brat).

Hendery

Dom. Tease. Literally so. much. teasing. A sweetheart so he loves pampering you but he’s also a clown like Dejun so prepare. He’s less rough and mean during scenes though but don’t underestimate him, he will make you behave for him and if necessary, he’ll show you that you shouldn’t mess with him.

Yangyang

Hard dom. This man is a raging switch lbr but when he doms, he doms. He’s an absolute tease and honestly a brat even when he doms. He’s just making your life hard honestly. Like he’ll just do the opposite of what you want because he can. I don’t care how much you want to be an obedient sub, he’ll bring out the brat in anyone. Which is of course exactly what he wants because now he gets to play the disappointed dom card and edge and overstimulate you as punishment until you’re crying.

[allastoredeer]

"Suave sugar big bad daddy Alastor" is the reason I ignore most of charlastor and radioapple content, it's laughable how absolutely the same a lot of works are and even funnier that a lot of people from both groups dislike the other ship lol

my GOD, you're right 🤣 for two ship groups that don't like each other, they sure do use a lot of the same tropes.

i'm sorry i just can't see Alastor being a big bad suave sugar daddy. 🥲 Where's his whimsy? Where's his goofy silliness? Cannibalism can be sexy, but you know what else is sexy? Being a clowning little freak.

[shinelikethunder]

people who think everything good about SPN was an accident, please consider that season 4 knew exactly what the fuck it was doing when it gave Karin Konoval - who played the mom in X-Files 4x02 "Home" - a cameo in the "feral incest children living in the walls" episode

people who think SPN always did those things on purpose, or worse, that every production choice carries deep inter- or intra-textual significance whose most esoteric pop-cultural associations can always be imported wholesale and ascribed to authorial intent... please consider that if season 11 had any idea what the fuck it was doing when it blithely used johnny mathis's "wonderful! wonderful!" as cheery background mood music in the banshee episode, everyone involved deserved to be sacked on the spot for narrative incompetence.

context: X-Files 4x02 "Home" is SPN founding daddy Kim Manners' single most infamous work (affectionate), and that song is so iconically and cursedly and memorably associated with it that it sets off kill bill sirens in the heads of people who've been scarred for life by that ep. and i simply think. that if the show did not mean to imply via soundtrack that something deeply deranged was afoot here. (which, in context, it clearly did not.) then someone in that decision-making chain should've fucking intervened and told the others that a solid chunk of their most dedicated, longstanding viewers would hear it - consciously or unconsciously - as a signal that an absolute doozy of another shoe was about to drop. and that this signal would look deliberate to anyone who'd consciously identified it.

like this is on the level of "you cannot innocently play bobby vinton's 1963 hit single 'blue velvet' over a close-up of a character's ear without making ~10% of your audience wonder when said ear is going to get cut off." except multiply that by "and if you are late season 2 of twin peaks and you were co-created by david lynch, even if he's not directly involved at this point and the show has gone to shit, that audience percentage will rise dramatically and it will be actively confusing to them if it turns out you're not implying something on purpose." just. absolute clown foolery.

anyway this, in a nutshell, is both The Maddening Duality Of Trying To Suss Out Creative Intentions Behind SPN and a fucking hilarious symptom of the show's descent into amnesiac apathy about its own past. is spn aware, in a doylist wink-nudge referential sense, of Our Guy's X-Files Ep That The Network Famously Refused To Ever Air Again? flamboyantly yes AND flamboyantly no, thanks for asking! enjoy your accidental jumpscare and deep sense of unease <3

[stateofcharli]

one piece headcannons

this is gonna be smutty smutty smut so minor dni. mention of bdsm, food play, praise kink, teasing, orgasm denial, breeding kink ... based upon the live action as i havent as yet watched the anime

Monkey d luffy- 

A switch but leaning more towards a sub. He definitely whimpers and begs for you if you tease him eg “please my love just take me already” . pet names used excessively all the time such as baby, my love etc. since luffy adores food, it makes utter sense that hes into food play. Luffy would love to steal cream and a selection of fruits from the kitchen and plaster the cream all over your body and placing the fruit in certain places and then proceed to eat it off your body. Luffy would absolutely be a menace at eating you out making you cum multiple times alone by his tongue. Would 100% make you cum before him and then aftercare he would happily clean you up and clamber into bed with you and hug you until you fall asleep.

Vinsmoke sanji- 

 MY MAN FR!! Definitely a switch but when hes dom hes more of a soft dom. Totally keeps checking your ok throughout being the gentleman he is. Uses petnames particularly mon amour. Sanji, being the chef he is, would be a god at eating you out. If he sees you in s small skirt or dress he would totally go feral and within seconds wherever you guys were you would be fucking without a doubt.  Sanji would also hell bent be into food play turning yo into one of his exquisite desserts he makes except he knows your only his so its even more special. Would totally place loving kisses and he goes down upon you too and would absolutely speak to you in french (cos he knows full well that we find it hot ) woudnt be rough at all during sex, would be sweet love making (only rough if its a quickie when he sees you in short skirts). Also this man is extremely heavy upon praise both giving and receiving. Would say things such as “you doing so good for me mon amor” and “your such a good girl for me arent you?” . sanji needs to know hes doing a good job so would totally ask you to tell him and be vocal about it as well.

Roronoa zoro- 

Dom 100%. No questions. Hes totally a thighs and tits guy so if you were a push up bra around him, get ready to not be able to walk. Also he would totally be a masochist, loves you biting on his neck and would ask you to choke him throughout sex. Totally would go multiple rounds (hes a swordsman what do we all expect) . he would also degrade the hell out of you during sex saying stuff like “yeah you like this you little slut, your just a toy for me to fuck arent ya” aftercare you would see the side of zoro most people dont see.. He would totally be running you a bath and making you are completely ok since he was rough with you. Will snuggle with you afters whilst you fall asleep.

Buggy the clown-

Dom absolutely no question. Loves to be a tease during foreplay as well as he adores getting you flustered about him. He loves to be the one in control so orgasm denial is a huge thing. He loves to take you to the edge and then just deny you the thing you wanted. Will eventually let you cum after teasing you for a while as he cant resist your pleads and whines. Will constantly call you “baby your doing so good for me dont worry keep on being this good and ill let you cum”. Since oda did confirm everything can be removed from his body he would totally allow you to take his dick and use it as a dildo to fuck yourself in front of him. He gets to watch everything from a distance and gets to feel the pleasure too so its a huge win. Bdsm hes totally into, loves tying you up and handcuffing you to the bed. Would deffo talk you through your orgasm and help you calm down afterwards and clean you up. Buggy is a huge lover of receiving head, seeing you gag upon his dick is one of his favourite things to do too. (i need this clown in my life)

shanks - 

Oh this man has a daddy kink for sure, you calling him daddy in bed is everything to him. Deffo calls you mamas as well. Loves to shower you in praise throughout saying things such as “your doing so well mamas, you can go another round cant you?”. Although he loves to be called daddy hes leaning more upon a soft dom since you are his world, his rock, his everything. I like to think shanks would have a little breeding kink too, imagining you being the mother of his kids is a total turn on. Hes the sweetest soul after sex showering you in kisses praising you for doing so good for him too. 

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 成化十四年/The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty

(The) Sleuth of (the) Ming Dynasty (it's hard to get an agreement on how many definite articles should go where) is a beautiful, high-budget 2020 drama about a weenie genius detective, his long-suffering and deeply traumatized sugar daddy, and the eunuch with the most difficult job in the Great Ming: keeping these two dumbasses from getting their fool selves imperially executed.

Depending on how you like it, it's either an OT3 or an OTP with an intense, underage third wheel, and either way, it's delightful. I wouldn't call it a comedy, but it has very many funny elements that keep the drama fun and engaging. The first half is full of shorter mysteries that are clever and thoughtfully plotted, and the second half goes in on the longer mystery that ties them all together.

I've already done my quick guide to the early-episode characters, if you want a taste of just how many people are running around and how wonderful they all are. But in case you want to know a little bit more before you commit yourself to a 48-episode series, here's five reasons I think you should watch it!

1. The whole thing smacks of gender

Yeah, this was originally going to be selling point #2, but I know what the people want.

This is not a show about gender. But boy it is a show that has a lot to say about gender, and not just by way of critiquing premodern Chinese gender roles (though it does do that!). Many of the cis characters are either a) somewhat gender nonconforming, b) canny enough to weaponize binary gender expectations, or c) both. Sui Zhou's entire third-act storyline is about how expectations of masculinity exacerbate PTSD in veterans. Three different AFAB characters either dress or live as men. The part where one of the male characters goes undercover in drag is played for laughs, but the joke isn't 'ha ha, a boy in a dress,' it's 'ha ha, this particular boy in a particular dress, and also he's terrible at it.'

And that's even before we get to the eunuchs.

There are several professionally dickless, permanently unmanned characters running around. One-third of the OT3 canonically had his external genitalia nonconsensually removed when he was five years old, and because of this, he has been given unimaginable authority. He's basically the second most powerful man in the entire empire, and he only gets that way by being unquestionably, ostentatiously, and genuinely submissive to the first most powerful man.

I have seen other Chinese media where eunuchs are treated like sinister clowns, good only to be the bad guys and the butts of jokes. Sleuth's main eunuchs are real and complex characters, and because of this, the show gets to explore what it is to live in this weird third-gender category of incredible power and powerlessness.

Now, don't go into this expecting woke gender treatises. Wang Zhi's never going to sit down and go, "You know, my friend and fellow eunuch Ding Rong, because of my lack of a penis, I understand my relationship to masculinity differently than other men do." But the show understands that even if he doesn't say it, it's true. And that makes a lot of the characters and their relationships just so much more interesting.

2. Uncle Jackie Money

Sleuth was the was the fourth c-drama I dove into, following the Untamed, Word of Honor, and Guardian -- or, Some Money BL, Less Money BL, and No Money BL. So imagine my absolute wall-eyed shock to find this was All The Money BL, courtesy of its executive producer, Jackie Chan (seen here with some of his handsome boys):

Sleuth looks good. The costumes are amazing. The sets are stunning. The cinematography is beautiful. Everything is so detailed, and while I can't speak to the absolute historical accuracy of all those details (see point 3), they're still gorgeous. In fact, you know what? I'm going to shut up and show you some of the promotional images.

(For actual screenshots, I'm just going to point you at @rongzhi's tsomd photoset tag, as they have done a tremendous service to the fan community -- though do beware of spoilers.)

Uncle Jackie's influence doesn't end with the money, though. Even though things get a bit goofy and wirework-y near the end, most of the drama's fights are shows of real martial arts skill. You can see his fingerprints on a lot of the choreography -- I'm thinking particularly of the time Tang Fan tries (and fails!) to stab Sui Zhou three times, which is pure Jackie Chan high-speed dexterity.

Add this one to the category of shows your Average American Television Enjoyer Who Can Handle Subtitles would like. In fact, I have shown the first episode to my normie father-in-law, who was impressed. Show it to your dad! See if he picks up on the gay!

3. I am from ... HISTORY!

The Chinese title translates to "The 14th Year of Chenghua," which works out to the year 1478. There are some clear anachronisms, but they tend to be played for comedy, so it's hard to hold that against them. On the whole, though, the show is trying real hard to evoke a very specific moment, and I feel it does so beautifully.

This does, however, mean that several of the characters are real people. I don't even have a good sense of how many of them are based on historical figures, that's how many. Hilariously, Wang Zhi's tag on AO3 used to read "Wang Zhi (?-1487 CE)."

Moreover, these are characters I've seen pop up in other media, played very differently! In particular, Noble Consort (up there in blue) tends to be written as an uncomplicated villain elsewhere, whereas Sleuth gives her a chance to add some goodness to her badness, until, damn, you can't but root for the bitch. (It also downplays the cradle-robbing, which, honestly, is for the best.)

You may have guessed from the eunuch section earlier, but it bears repeating: Wang Zhi is straight-up the best character in the show. He's smart as hell, and he has to be, because the second he's stupid, he's dead. I actually consider it helpful to know ahead of time that he's never going to do a heel turn -- I feel like on my first watchthrough, I was holding my breath for the first two-thirds of the show, waiting for his sudden but inevitable betrayal. It does not come. Wang Zhi is one of the heroes.

He's also, like, evil. He orders people flogged, tortured, and executed. The very first thing you see him doing is sinister as hell. And the show clearly doesn't think this is good, but it also doesn't judge him for it. He's a traumatized seventeen-year-old who has not had a normal moment of his entire life. He's working thanklessly for a boss who could kill him on a whim -- and he's doing it because he literally, physically was made for his job. He's mildly freaking out because he has no emotional grounding to help him understand that these weirdos want to be his friends.

Was the real Wang Zhi like this? That's beside the point. The point is, you get to see how someone in that position could wind up as the war-crimes-committing platonic ideal of a little meow meow.

4. oh my god the food

Warning: This show will make you hungry.

Again, beware of spoilers, but @peppersandcreamsicle and @qinzai have put together an entire cook-along Google Doc so you don't just have to drool -- you can do something about it! Or you can just read it and learn about Chinese cuisine, which is a little more my speed.

But it's not just about how good the food looks. Food is a vital emotional part of the series. People bond over it. They make and share it as a sign of love and care. It indicates status, ethnicity, interest, personality. The show's message about the healing power of cooking for the people you love will bring you to tears.

And yes, Sui Zhou is the main one doing the cooking, so get ready to drool over both the dishes and the handsome man preparing them.

Oh, and as though that weren't enough, Fu Meng Po can actually cook in real life. He's so dreamy. Absolute unreal handsome man with a devastatingly sexy voice. (I know my opinion might be different if I could hear his Taiwanese accent, but I can't so it's not!)

5. An Unsunk Ship

So like I said, my intros to c-drama couples had been WangXian, WenZhou, and WeiLan. That meant I'd basically come to terms with the idea that you can't have a main couple in a BL-but-not-really drama without splitting them up at least a little in the end, for no-homo plausible deniability reasons.

Tang Fan and Sui Zhou are still definitvely, unequivocally together when the story ends, as the iconic pentultimate scene of the series confirms with beauty and simplicity. I refuse to give any more details than that, but that ship's afloat.

(These shirtless pictures aren't from the end, but I wanted to include them, and I didn't have a better place to do it. ...Also, you know, ships and water? Yeah?)

And I think their winding up together reflects Sleuth's entire attitude. Tang Fan is made of sunshine, and the series loves him for it. There is tragedy aplenty in this show, but there's no misery. It is ultimately a hopeful show that believes in the power of second chances, if you're willing to take them. Time and again, the moral of the story is that you are only ever as good as the people who have your back -- but you have to be willing to let them have your back. Let people help you. Let people cook for you. Let people give you a reason to keep living. And then keep living.

Also, Sui Zhou gets two good kabedons off on that little twink, which means they're legally married now. I don't make the rules.

Bonus: Banger opening theme

This is one you will watch all 48 times.

Bonus #2: The Halo Video

This is the video that made me go, huh, these Sleuth boys seem like other boys I've enjoyed! Perhaps I shall enjoy them as well! And then I did. So if that might be convincing to you too, well, have at it. Even if it isn't, it's a fascinating three-minute study of shared those-boys-are-in-love visual language across these shows.

Fair warning that it contains shots from right up to the end, so if you'd rather go in completely blank, give this one a pass until later. (Excuse me while I now go watch it for the 10000th time.)

Have I convinced you to watch it yet?

It originally ran on iQiyi, though Viki's got it as well, and Viki's is free if you're willing to put up with some ads about it.

...I just noticed iQiyi's description of the series reads, "When the two handsome leading actors Darren Wang and Fu Meng-Po work together, what will happen? A lovely prefectural judge and an arrogant embroiered [sic] uniform guard join hands to crack unusual cases! Are you going to choose a new idol?" And you know what? Yes. The details are a little off, but that is the correct spirit. Thank you, thirsty blurb.