#who had NEVER been destined for a normal life even if he tried because WHAT IS he?

[one-winged-dreams]

Wakes up in the middle of the night absolutely fucked up on three different sleep aids to rant about how people can not fucking put together the Final Fantasy VII + spinoffs lore and EVEN STILL try to vomit these useless opinions and what x character is the WORST and why y character is blah blah blah

ENOOOOOUGH

putting these supersoldiers on top of the fridge until y'all learn what a narrative is

[kalims]

⊹ THOSE EYES | malleus draconia

premise. perhaps the universe really wants to keep him in the dark, unintentionally or not being forgotten yet again seems to be a frequent event in his life. parties aren’t for malleus anyways, nor are people.

but when he’s right next to you, a witness to your shine perhaps you’re the one for him.

content. gender neutral reader, fluff

wc. 4k

note. commissioned by faru who wanted to stay anonymous but wanted a nickname instead <3

sorry for being offline for a few. I was working on this hehe

lately, the skies seem gloomy, most people would think that it’s perfectly normal but there’s something oddly familiar about the hue of green beyond the dark, rainy clouds. besides the fact that the rain seems to fall on everyone else but you? your mind can’t help but drift to a certain horned man.

the timing seems appropriate. the weather has been like this plenty of times whenever malleus was in a particular, dejected mood. (you’d know because he’d have that certain tone. quiet and slow. If it wasn’t already obvious you can tell from the exaggerated huffs he emits, which you are starting to get suspicious of that he’s actually making it to get your attention.) speaking of malleus, you haven’t seen him around. not even a glimpse, which is surprising because he’s always trailing after you.

to the dismay of sebek who tried to tell malleus that sticking around a human like you, in his opinion: who apparently didn’t live up to the ‘young masters’ glory would lead to no good.

though you don't know what happened or why, you caught a moment of malleus staring in sebek's direction for a second and the latter immediately shut up and looked away. (presumably in shame? but you can't say.) you never really pondered on it seeing as malleus had whisked you away and distracted you with an easy smile.

you do agree with sebek. malleus' glory is unmatched, even if no one bothers to befriend him everyone notices. his mere presence is so strong that everyone can feel him coming, and when he does they stop and stare. even the gods agree! they seem to want everyone to know that malleus is favored.

amongst.. other means besides social.

he's destined. you don't know why he's referring to you as a ray of light in his darkness when he's practically binding everyone. at some point, his power had reached such a level that his emotions can affect the weather.

it's funny. you think, with such a poker face malleus is really expressive.

the sun seems to illuminate its rays brighter when he's happy, you can see its light even from beyond the clouds covering it. it dims in comparison when he's sad, and right after it loses its color it rains for long periods that the weather forecast was being canceled for not being able to predict it.

you've seen lots of people be a victim of this. be it a student grumbling away, soaking wet from the unexpected pour, or the other crying about their now-wet project.

when he's angry the clouds are darker, and the amount of lightning striking depends on the level of his rage. even you can say that being caught in the middle of it is no good when you're trying to predict where the next one will hit.

but it was strange. this week was chaotic, on monday the sun was blaring all the way to tuesday. you were just glad he seemed to be in a good mood until it started raining around the afternoon of wednesday. it just started pouring so fast out of nowhere that the lightning had actually frightened you because the rain was never accompanied by it.

you've only been in diasomnia a few times.

but.. this time you're quite surprised and it's not because of the beauty of the dorm.

the weather was so stormy that you were afraid you were gonna start flying away. there weren't any students stationed before the bridge. you don't question it because how were they even gonna guard the gates when the wind is gonna be the one breaking it open?

it only meant one thing.

malleus was in the dorm, seeing as the dorm seems to be the core of the storm.

even when you're a little way over the dorm you could still hear sebek's yells. it wasn't like the trudge to the dorm was hard, contrary to your belief the wind only whipped your clothes around like crazy. so you weren't going to get flung anytime soon, your struggle though. was the question of whether you'd be able to hang onto your gift all the way there or not.

because you were holding onto that plastic bag with ice cream in it for dear life—praying that the dessert is the right kind of softness he liked.

the time you found out he liked the dessert was by pure coincidence. you had brought a whole cake in to eat whilst celebrating your birthday together with your friends. you were too distracted talking with one of them to notice the grimace on malleus' face once he took a bite.

you were shocked when he confessed after a while.

… no, not the kind of confession you're thinking about. (even though you'd admit you'd like it to be.)

"why didn't you tell me? ahh... I should have bought another dessert, I knew it. I'm so sorry they already ate the ice cream—"

he cuts you off. "there's no need. it won't hurt." he had said, pausing to add: "if it's for you I can do it."

that night you stayed up late staring off into your ceiling before burying your head in a pillow with a warm face. you didn't have a nightmare or a dream. but his face practically engraved it in your mind till all you could think of was malleus all day.

it was driving you insane!

even when you've reached the front door, sopping wet and dripping all over the front porch all you could think of was the fact that you haven't seen malleus all week. which you didn't really think would bother you if not for the fact that you were wrong in assuming how close you thought both of you were.

again, it was driving you insane as you could tell from the amount of thoughts you have of him.

you'd have to apologize to lilia. you know all about how the man hates getting his porch wet.

"oh my."

 oh well. looking like this was definitely not how you wanted to arrive at diasomnia. 

lilia casts a curious gaze at you, ears twitching when he takes in your appearance before his lips curve into an easy smirk. you're suspicious that he knows the reason for your sudden arrival. "If I'd known you were coming, I would have sent sebek for you." lilia sighs like a disappointed mother. he gives you a quick smile before looking back and yelling:

"sebek, be a dear and fetch me a towel would you?" 

you could vaguely hear a rush of heavy footsteps and you awkwardly just stare until sebek appears carrying a folded towel in his arms. you could emit a sigh if it wasn’t so freezing when sebek's face contorted to that of distaste when he saw you.

lilia with a knowing look merely shook his head. "don't just stand there, will you? we have a guest." he chimes and probably had enough cause he ended up snatching the towel right off the boy's arms.

who actually looked like he felt bad for a second.

lilia ushers you in after drying most of the droplets of water away, so you enter without much complaint. a towel wrapped around your body, over your shoulders. you clutch it like a blanket. looking around trying to look subtle.

this one is looking for him. lilia muses with an amused chuckle. you'd be surprised at how gloomy malleus' mood actually is, that boy had practically washed up the dorm with how long the rainy weather had kept going. lilia knew cater forgetting to invite malleus would have some damper to his mood.

but of course not to the extent.

you have perfect timing. lilia knows malleus considers you dear, perhaps even dearer than him and if lilia can't resolve his mood then you definitely can.

"ah that's right. what brings you to our humble abode?" lilia leads through the halls that lead directly to the main area. you clutch the towel a little tighter. feeling the embarrassment seep through your mind. were you gonna tell him that you all but ran to the nearest convenience store and bought a tub of ice cream for malleus because you figured he was upset?

talk about a test of courage.

you grimace. "I-uhm.. haven't heard from malleus so I got worried." 

lilia's face doesn't change from its laid-back nature.

"is he alright, by the way?"

the flicker of surprise in his eyes doesn't go unnoticed by you. "were you at all asim's party, prefect?" he asks, already drawing an answer from your confused face alone. it's not like he already doesn't know, you were nowhere seen at the party after all.

".. no?"

kalim in fact did invite you. but you weren't too fond of the idea when there was a pile of homework from the professors and another one from crowley sitting in ramshackle all alone with no one to do them. so you chose the option that would save you later, and make you suffer currently. 

(plus, you did promise to join malleus for a walk since he asked you earlier. but kalim doesn't need to know that, right?)

frankly, you're starting to get concerned with how many times malleus occupies your thoughts.

lilia places his chin in between his fingers with a hum. you listen to him keenly even when he sits you on the couch of the living room. "malleus got invited you see." that was a surprise to you. you smile from ear to ear. that's great for him! but you're expecting a 'but'.

and boy was there one. "but it was rescheduled earlier, you see." he closes his eyes and casts you a closed-eyed smile. for someone whose 'son' had been forgotten, he seems oddly relaxed about it.. and.. wasn't lilia part of the group inviting everyone else?

as if he reads your mind lilia makes sure to say, "cater was the one who said he's got informing malleus all covered. I'm afraid he had forgotten and the party had already finished." 

that's pretty.. sad.. no wonder the weather was more extreme than usual. malleus was probably feeling a mixture of sadness and anger. 

lilia's eyes drift downwards. and you curse when you realize where he's looking. "what's that you've got there?" somehow every word that comes out of lilia comes out jokingly like he's teasing you. 

there was no point in hiding it was there? you sigh and hand over the plastic to lilia who graciously takes it, spares one glance at it, and casts it aside to the table. probably planning to put it in the freezer for later.

it looks like he knows already but you still answer blankly. "ice cream for malleus."

he seems to brighten up after your clear display of intention. good thing sebek had ran back to his room after you stepped foot in the dorm because if he were here right now he probably would have been suspicious and assumed that you'd somehow put something in the ice cream.

"to cheer him up?"

".. yes."

"ah. how sweet. young love never fails to entertain me."

you sputter. "i—that's not.."

a look for lilia is all it takes for you to shut up. he shakes his head with a laugh. "as the youngsters say, 'denial is a river in egypt' do you get it? fufu.. quite funny." he giggles continuously but you can't help but think that he's trying to make a joke. you deadpan. "I do but that's not the point!" 

an unfunny joke clearly.

point is your practical son needs some severe cheering up if you just witnessed a tree get struck by lightning a while ago.

from your experience, the tea parties held by heartslabyul is a pretty nice way to unwind.

"does malleus like tea?"

he pauses. "why, yes. he's been raised as a noble after all."

never in your life have you been so stressed. you have to give props for riddle, cause you just found out how hard it is to actually organize a tea party. you don’t even wanna think about what jamil does, you swear he grows a white hair every time kalim throws a party.

nearly all desserts had some kind of association with ice cream, you made sure of it. though you do have to give credit to lilia since the man had graciously let you make use of his fridge to place them there until your scheduled tea party had arrived (honestly saving a bunch of residents from his.. ‘special’ meat.)

you had left sebek the job of informing malleus since you were sure that he was the only person that wouldn’t forget about him. the boy actually approved your choice of who you gave the job to and commended you.

but hey at least he liked it, right?

the guests were.. yet to arrive which is making you anxious because malleus himself was about 1 hour early to his own party.

when he approaches you there’s a clear look of joy. you’d fall over from the small, genuine smile of pureness on his face. you almost forgot to question yourself why in the hell he’s here when the party is scheduled to start in.. one hour.

you sweat. few of the desserts haven’t been taken out of the fridge yet to preserve them! "what.. are you doing here?" you nervously ask but malleus thankfully doesn't seem to mind.

"ah, lilia informed me." his eyes crinkled. "I am very happy to be here."

lilia that bastard.. but wasn't sebek supposed to inform him.. but even if sebek did you're sure that this man would have still shown up early.

now you're wondering what happened to poor sebek. that boy is either angry or devastated.

you find malleus' pure and innocent intentions a little endearing.

ㅤ

lilia stands in front of the door that malleus never really opened. ah that child, even in his absence for dorm leader meetings didn't upset him this much. lilia presumes that he must have looked forward to an invitation he hasn't had in.. a long time.

he raises a hand to knock. once, nothing. twice, nothing. lilia guesses he'll have to use that card.

"malleus dear, the prefect was just by here."

almost immediately there's shuffling behind the door and not a second later it creaks open to show the horned man's curious face. lilia smiles. one mention of you and he already responded.

this is is his non-verbal way of saying: 'where.'

malleus tilts his head and looks past lilia's shoulders, who then shakes his head and gains the former's attention back. "they are not here anymore if it is them who you're looking for." 

"ah."

almost immediately he comically deflates, and lilia resists holding a chuckle. 

"but they did leave something for you." the shorter male adds.

as if the energy in malleus comes back, he immediately brightens. the child of man left something? for him? oh.. malleus releases a long sigh. his heart could leap out of its chest and start dancing if it could.

although it pains him to leave your side malleus did just that. you could say that he was.. feeling under the weather and he doesn't want to face you in a state where his anger could possibly take over.

he does not know what he'll do if he hurts you.

people like you are a luxury that malleus doesn't often come across. it's not every day that he meets someone who doesn't falter at the sight of him or one whose eyes don't fly to his horns but to his eyes instead.

he wonders if you knew who he was at that time. would it be different? would you have turned and left him in the dust? malleus supposes there's no point in wondering about what could have been when all he wants is right here. 

lilia smiles fondly at him. "your favorite. they've left ice cream and an invitation for you."

just like that, all the sadness in malleus pours out like a continuous river never stopping. something warm thumps in his chest and it's all he can hear. it blooms until he can feel it crawl up to his hands and on the tips of his ears. something warm and worthwhile. 

then malleus realizes right then and there. why did he spend so much time worrying about it, since when did he care about the view of others? it's not his fault if they forgot. they should have been grateful that they had the privilege to talk so freely with him.

simple things should not strike such a nerve within malleus.

who needs the other people anyways when he's got everything in his hand? it's not like they have someone their entire being beats for.

but you. weren't you just perfect? malleus had never felt happier. "when and where is this invitation of theirs?" 

ㅤ

you deadpan. you should have never assumed that lilia wouldn't have heard your words to sebek. the walls of diasomnia have ears of their own after all.

you shake your head. "oh uh.. there's a few people that came early—" for once you're appreciative, cause god it would be awkward if it's only the two of you. you're not sure if it's because you'll be having an inner crisis during it or the lack of guests. 

as you can see you definitely weren't all that prepared. you see malleus smile at you from the corner of your eye when you lead him to a table and sit him down, the man doing so without many complaints. 

jamil knows when someone is looking at him. he knew he should have ran back into the kitchen when he saw you staring at him intensely. but before he could even escape you already— "jamil." you say, loudly and he winces.

"why don't you get the others to join us?" you smile at him thinly and jamil understood. there was no room for arguments. he sighs. for a person mysterious to the entirety of NRC you are pretty scary.

oh, fuck did you even look okay? because next to a quite literally sparking, shining man like malleus you feel like you're a bag of trash.

eventually, you find yourself with a strange group, an unlikely group. very weird group. despite malleus being the obvious exception (dare you say he's the most happiest.) there are looks across the table with varying degrees of disturbed, irritation, or just plain fear.

okay, so the fear is mainly from idia who you're surprised even showed up. scratch that. maybe it was just him being nervous?

malleus doesn't look bothered at all.

you laugh awkwardly. "uh.. fine weather we're having?" but two out of five react positively to your words. rook cracks a bright smile while malleus nods slowly.

"indeed! it has been a while since the skies have cleared up." rook chirps, and you sweatdrop. you and a few other people cast a glance at malleus who doesn't seem to be concerned, nor care about the second of attention.

oh god. how awkward, everyone here knows that he's the reason why the weather was so bad.

"I'm just glad it stopped raining." jamil comments, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. he's met with several mumbles of agreement. all you could say was, same. no more struggling to keep your school works under the umbrella.

malleus hums. "I must thank you for the invitation, child of man." he smiles at you and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to not let the similar face break out so obviously in yours. "you're welcome." 

jamil side eyes the two of you just staring at each other. if he'd known he'd end up being a witness to this.. subtle lovey-dovey stuff he would have never helped you and trey bake the few treats you asked them to in the first place.

plus rook absolutely eating up whatever you two were doing? yikes. god can kill him now.

speaking of trey he should be here suffering. he narrows his eyes.

.. right. "what are you doing here so early? hasn't lilia told you it starts later?" you inquire. it would also have saved you the trouble of creating a group to surround just one table for malleus. 

shortly, he replies. "I did not want to be late." malleus blinks at you and almost everything he does makes you swoon, you get to see a clear view of his crystal green eyes. "I also wanted to talk with you," he admits.

and.. essentially have you all to himself before everyone starts to hog you like moths to a flame. maybe that's how malleus got attracted to you as well.

should you be embarrassed that he just said that in front of jamil, rook, and 3 other people, or should you be rolling all over the ground out of joy?

"oh jeune amour!"

"woah."

"malleus-chi at it again earning love points.

"seriously." 

your lips wobble as you attempt to hold in the wide smile. you feel like the sun just flashed you in the face from the amount of heat you're feeling right now

"wh… do… uh.." 

you don't usually describe yourself as someone who freezes up like this but clearly, you're proving yourself wrong to assume so. "oh haha.." your finger flies to point at the newcomer to direct attention. "would you look at that? the desserts are ready." 

saved by trey who enters with a handsome smile. how in the hell is he balancing all those dishes with one arm? you have no idea. one step from you and all of those would have crashed down onto the ground.

then you'll blame gravity.

before you know it the tense atmosphere had melted into something warm. even jamil seems to have eased up, idia isn't hiding in the depths of his hoodie anymore, and rook is rook.

and malleus, despite his usual blank look has a faint lining of peace in his expression. it's rare to see it in a place so.. crowded? his lips quirk up further once he spots the dessert on the plate.

"ah, my favorite, tea and.. ice cream?" 

"and crackers." you make sure to add.

he chuckles. "and crackers."

everyone digs into their respective plates. besides malleus' favorite, you made sure to ask what kind of food they'd like to have at the party. it would be rather boring if it were just ice cream, wouldn't it?

well. the ice cream was for malleus only so.

you can't help but sneak glances every now and then. thoroughly enjoying the delighted look on his face when he eats another spoonful. you're suspecting that he might even ask if there's another batch.

coincidentally malleus looks at you the moment you look away. it's a repeating thing. you look, he's looking away. you look away and he looks at you. a never-ending cycle that just results in unsaid feelings.

but everyone knows that if there was ever a god that exists he always has a plan for it.

perhaps once the feelings you bore have bloomed into something mature and people would be the time when you could hold malleus in your arms and worry not about every single thing. it's not always you get to pine for someone.

so I will always love you until you're mine. he thinks. you will be.

malleus casts you a small smirk. "I am hoping you'll spare me that talk later."

"later, please. for now let me finish this." 

seriously. the food trey and jamil cooks are scrumptious. 

he watches you eat, chat with rook and idia with a smile. he can't seem to invite jealousy in his heart because of them when you've so clearly put in the effort to clear the troubles in his.

next time I shall prepare a feast and festival for you. he thinks seriously. 

but that's a plan for another day! one.. you're not exactly aware of.. yet...

[angelstate]

“Understood and Seen”

Miserable!Ghost x Miserable!Reader

Loneliness was something he was used to, the weight of years of social isolation had managed to tame him enough that seeking a lover seemed to be an action he rather not do, he appreciated too much the quietness at night, the ability to walk away from somewhere and not be missed, not having to worry about leaving someone behind if he were to die in the battlefield.

it brought a sense of peace in a way, a sadistic and destructive one in the long run, destined to forever be desolated, to perish with no one holding his hand as he takes his last breath. It was a miserable ending, as Johnny made him see.

Then you came along, pretty smile and the touch of a pristine and unblemished angel, unaware of the torture that could be being a human, like you were created for the sole purpose of bringing peace to the disturbed people roaming the earth like himself.

it would’ve been stupid to let you go, to not let his claws sink into your skin, no matter how much he wanted to leave you untouched and well like when he first met you. What’s another sin under his name? if he is destined to burn in hell for having touch you, then he would endure infinite torture just for the opportunity to hold your hand.

It was cruel truly, the way you could never seem to stop gifting feathers from your wings till you couldn’t fly away from the greedy hands of miserable people, trying to snatch your bones and limbs to suffice themselves.

he felt bad at times, your struggle was visible even when you tried to hide it behind kind smiles, gentle touches and soft hearted worry. giving and being stolen from while thanking those who took, comforting them if they felt awful about grabbing more than they needed.

Sometimes kindness took opportunities away from you more than it gave them, you were a clear example that sometimes being a good person gets you nowhere, he should know, his family was killed when he chose to be good.

quietness didn’t suit you, that’s what simon believed after knowing you for almost two years. The beaming energy is always present even when you are just sitting on a chair with a book in your hands. A sort of joy was always there, a faint hum always leaving your lips, like you couldn’t stand the quietness in any way.

therefore, the sight in front of him is weird to say the least, you were sitting in your usual chair, no book in hand, eyes opened as you stared out the window, there was no one outside, the heavy rain had stopped the ability of trainees and other soldiers to go outside and do their normal schedules.

so what were you looking at? he couldn’t exactly tell, maybe the rain? but then again, you weren’t one to get hung up on sad aspects of life, the way rains interrupts the flow of your life, takes away opportunities of doing things out in nature because risking your health is something you rather not do, knowing you were too needed to compromise something so important for your own enjoyment, you can “fill your enrichment time doing other things after all” or that’s what you always told him.

you closed the doors that opened for you every time you could, not taking opportunities if it meant you couldn’t give one to another person, being selfless is a step away from being self destructive, Simon believed you had already walked past the distance though.

far too gone for your own good, but what can he do, when he is the type to walk away every time life asks for more than he’s willing to give, and you are only able to walk impossibly closer to give more than life asks you to hand over.

He's too different to understand you, it’s futile to try and adopt your perspective. He doesn’t spend time doing rotten work, not even for himself, although he allows himself to sympathize with you.

“enjoying the rain?” he asks suddenly, breaking you out of your chain of thoughts.with a harsh soop, sometimes you wished he wasn’t so good at gathering your attention.

you hummed in confirmation at his words, eyes briefly looking towards him, gaze with a dimmed glee in it. something was missing, he could sense it in his every bone, every fiber of his being buzzed as a signal there was a thing out of place, interrupting the usual peace and joy that circulated all around you.

“reminds me of home” you muttered softly, and if it wasn’t for the otherwise quiet and empty room he wouldn’t have been able to hear you. your words ring loudly on his ears and he doesn’t know what to do, for what feels like an eternity of desolation.

home is a word that he doesn’t hear often, people tend to avoid the word like it’s a curse when he’s around, pretending that the existence of a place to go after work is nonexistent. He is grateful sometimes for the quietness in regards to the topic of belonging somewhere but it’s also disheartening.

your answer doesn’t taste bitter in his mouth, it is rather sour and sweet. a complex mix of feelings he is used to experience but still finds overwhelming all the same as the first time he felt them. even without meaning to, you’re able to carve a way into his heart.

it’s like you’re threatening to prove to him that there’s more to life than what he has experienced so far, it terrifies him in a way he would never indulge or admit out loud.

“homesick?” he asked, tilting his head slightly, it wasn’t something unusual for soldiers to experience, even he, with nowhere to go back to, sometimes also felt homesick, the idea of a home most of all but it still counted in his book.

“something like that…rain just made it a bit more painful” you responded to his question, tone so somber that he could feel some of the sadness seep into his skin. today you didn’t feel like being chirpy and he couldn’t really blame you.

you took a deep breath, eyes looking towards him and away from the window, like your mind had finally processed you were talking to someone and not solely focused on pleasing them. Simon watched as you twisted in your seat to face him, a smile on your lips he knew was just part of your routine rather than a sign of your actual feelings.

Everyone gets through life in a different way, he could only imagine how exhausting it must be to try and make everything positive when you’re clearly struggling to float in an ocean of emotions that most people chose to just sink to the bottom and drown.

“sorry..i shouldn’t be gloomy, rain is amazing for the plants” you said apologetically, a red tint in your cheeks he knew was because of embarrassment.

you felt stupid being upset about something so simple, the rain and a home was something a lot of people didn’t have in their lives and yet you believed you had the right to be sad about something that should be appreciated.

even without meaning to, you were selfish. selfish…God, what would your mother think about the way you were behaving if she was here right now?

your mind taunts you with whispers, as if the smallest of memories carried the weight of years of pain “don’t be a disappointment, make her proud…for the love of God make her at least not regret having you.”

It feels ridiculous and you question yourself a second too long, maybe you should go to therapy like captain price had suggested all those months ago, no shame in asking for help, you cannot always survive on your own, one way or another you will find yourself also needing things from people to be happy.

“I hate the bloody rain…disturbs combat sessions” Simon said, trying to somehow make you feel less conscious about hating some aspects of life. Everyone is entitled to feel a certain way about things and it's time you understand that.

He wished he could bring himself to say more, a thought in the back of his head that told him you deserved to be one of the people he let into his life after seeing you consistently be present and helpful in every way you can. Maybe he was taking advantage of the situation.

But how could he not do so, you dedicated every ounce of energy running through your veins to comfort the disturbed, like it would fix the people who were born broken, shattered from the womb, welcomed into the world with death and violence.

“that’s a valid reason…yeah” you answered more to yourself than to him, his words replaying in your mind like a broken record, what wouldn’t you give to allow yourself to hate something so openly, to say you hated something and not hear your mother on the back of your head telling you to be grateful, that you were too selfish for hating things people liked and needed.

Simon shrugged, he didn’t need a valid reason to hate the rain, he guessed you were just talking through him, the need to have a valid point to dislike something seemed to be very important to you, almost anguishly so.

“It doesn't need to be valid love…you can have an opinion about the bloody rain without having a reason” he commented, breaking the silence that seemed to stretch for a longer period of time as the conversation went on with great difficulty, the both of you communicating because you thought the other needed it.

two helpless souls who cope in different ways, you were like the embodiment of trying to save people from drowning while not knowing how to swim yourself, and he was the water, taking down every living thing that he let into his space, killing without meaning to, almost unaware of the danger that lie within himself, a graveyard with not memory of the people he buried in it.

you understand his point of view, why he speaks what he does, but it doesn’t help you to accept that having a lack of reasoning isn’t in itself a death sentence to your worth. that you’re allowed to live happily hating something as insignificant as the rain and not be a bad person for it.

this goes beyond the simple rain though, you know it, he knows it but neither of you is ready to recognize it, cowardly so, but you’re not even worthy to criticize even your own behavior so you keep your mouth shut as time continues to pass.

some things are meant to change, the universe cannot continue its flow if they don’t. you should know that, it isn’t healthy to stay behind while pushing everyone to move forwards, wanting the past for yourself, to drown in memories of people who will not return, trying to change situations that already happened, there is no saving them, there is no saving yourself from experience it.

Moving on is a type of love, a love you have been neglecting yourself from.

Simon believes in a lot of things, God isn’t one of them, but he finds himself speaking to God more often than he cared to admit, suggesting him to give you some type of mercy, to give your mind the ability of forgiving and forgetting.

He knows it’s forlorn, that if God exists he isn't the person who God would choose to answer their prayers to, but the effort, as futile as it is, doesn't get lost on him. for once in his life he finds himself trying to seek help, not for his well being directly, but if you're fine, he will be too.

This time he doesn’t mind doing rotten work, not if it is for you.

You knew sooner or later life would catch up to you, that moving fastly wasn’t the right measure, especially when you struggled so greatly moving on from the past. It is conflicting and torturous to be pulled back and forwards constantly, your limbs cannot stand the tugging.

You're not made of rubber, the resistance will not last forever, one day you'll fall and not be able to get up. Caring for yourself is a decision you have to make, there’s no other choice but to tend after your wounds. Bleeding out is not an option.

“this is nice…” you mumbled, tracing your fingers on the hardcover of a book you had bought recently. It wasn’t often you allowed yourself to spend money on things you enjoyed, always buying things for others, the ones you believed deserved nice things more than you did.

It was a small action, one that set a mindset that you too, had the right to be a priority on your list of important things. your mother would be furious if she were by your side right now. Thankfully, sometimes death is kind, not to the people who pass, but to the people who get to live after the loss of someone who harmed them more than they took care of them.

“good to see you taking care of yourself” a voice said from behind you, spanning you out of your thoughts and bringing you back down to earth. It would have been nice to stay in your bubble for a bit longer but you're given the time you're given for now and hope to gain more in the future.

you hum, turning around and the figure of simon coming into view, your grip in the book tightens for a second before loosening in a relaxed manner, no need to bear the claws that you keep hidden to someone who is not set to harm you. not that you would hurt people that do.

you're a dog that doesn’t bark or bite, too domesticated to let instinct take over. wanting to please people more than the want to survive, dying in a pool of your own blood, proud of not bearing your teeth to someone who deserved even the slightest growl.

“is just a book” you replied as humbly as you can bring yourself to be at the moment, part of you believed you owed the biggest cordiality and humbleness to Simon, he was the one who had brought you to the point of being able to buy a book and feel half the guilt you would have experienced otherwise.

and this, in a world full of misfortune, pain and misery can only be described as an overdramatic motion to something as simple as shame to claim written pieces of paper as your own, but is difficult to not see it as the end of the world when you have never been able to even think that your suicide note is of your ownership.

Simon doesn't know the context of your so-called humbleness but he can shoot a guess in the dark and find the target quickly as everyone who cared to give you the slightest bit of attention did.

that was humiliating of course, and he knew better than to bring it up and throw you into a pool of more shame than you could survive in, drowning by the minute, unaware there was no bottom to sink to, just an eternity of feeling unwelcome into your own body and life.

“I have books too” he tries to approach the subject in a way you would,with carefulness and gentleness palpable but he is the furthest thing away from a cautious person when it came to feelings, not indulging in them the same way other people did, barely able to feel any at all most of the time.

So he ends up sounding as stupid as you often feel when speaking to people in the same tone, he cringes at his lack of ability to show he cares in a loving and indirect way, the gentleness of showing you care with more than overused words and phrases.

“What type of books do you read?” you ask, trying to find a crevice to slip through in his life as you always did, but every corner seemed to be sealed shut.

oh how much he wished you would just notice the door he opened just for you to walk in and never leave again.

This is stupid, that much is clear on his mind and yet at the same time the intimate tone of the conversation leaves him starving for more of you, a connection more profound than the care and worry you feel towards him who you think is forced to stand by your side.

“Philosophy” he responds, muttering gruffly his answer like the word feels heavy on his tongue, letting himself be known and seen by someone he feels may just be as rogue as him.

“Lovely…philosophy feeds the soul and kills it in the same motion” you comment, head tilted and eyes focused on the twitch his eyebrows do every few seconds, like it is the only way his emotions can manifest without being shut down by him.

“or my uncle used to say that, it can be false…i don't really read philosophy” yet again you find yourself explaining your words, fumbling over everything that could be said to give a reason to what leaves your mouth.

Do you give meaning to your words, or does the person who hears them?

Is tragic really, it is as if you can't help but run in circles around the idea that Simon would misunderstand you and walk away.

but you guess that the fear is to some degree acceptable, when all your life you've focused on understanding others, at the mere sight of someone trying to understand you you panic, worrying that what you are isn't pretty, worrying they won't understand the ugliness they might find.

All that is left is to let go, Can you let go?

The willingness to live and not just survive is something you have to find within yourself, and walking that path alone is not something you have to do.

Simons stands by your side, an understanding that whatever it is that weighs you down and attached you to your past is worth loving if it means to bring peace to a restless soul.

He wasn't wrong when he first met you, you are an angel who brings peace to the disturbed people roaming the earth, he just wishes the disturbance wasn't a disease.

he wished he had kept you pristine and unaware, no angelical being deserves to experience being a human, you did not deserve the torture that it is to be mortal, to lose and to be hurt.

[kingdaddydaichi]

☆ title: redefining (ch. 11) | ( ch. 10 ) ☆ ( ch. 12 - wip )

☆ pairing: cop!daichi sawamura x single mom!reader

☆ wc: 2.5k

☆ synopsis: four years after leaving your toxic ex, you find yourself a single mom to a 11-year-old boy named musubi, who harbors a lot of misdirected anger. you hear from his fifth grade teacher, mr. suga, more often than your own mother and a resulting friendship is born. meeting suga’s best friend wages a war between your head and your heart - one that challenges everything you think you know about love and police officers. neither are to be trusted. both have left you lost and scared when you needed them the most. so, when a cop comes knocking at love’s door, just how strong is your resolve to keep your heart under lock and key?

☆ warnings/notes: sfw. cop!daichi. mutual pining. angst. domestic disturbance. fear. idk like, the way daichi talks to subi might come across as patriarchal? but it's the way i feel like daichi would speak to him under the specific circumstances, how he knew he would get through to him. i am deeply sorry for the massive real-life time gap between chapters //sob. but i'm committed to finishing this series. my love for daichi and this story is settled deep inside my bones. I'M BACK BITCHES /aff 🫶🏼

she's falling in love now losing control now fighting the truth trying to hide but i think it's alright, girl yeah i think it's alright, girl

losin control - russ

Life can be a rip-roaring bitch sometimes, y'know?

The first week or so after your fallout with Daichi had been relatively easy. The fact that you were still angry at him helped a lot more than you'd have liked to admit. The battle to get him off your mind was constant, but all you had to do was remember the way his eyebrows angled inward when he yelled at you. You’d never seen him like that before and it had scared you, triggering your fight or flight response on top of the heart-wrenching pain of seeing him being a little too friendly with his ex.

But what you kept pushing down with all of your might was the fact that daichi was right. He had called you on everything you’d worked so hard to hide from him. The fact that he’d seen you so clearly scared you more than the look in his eyes when he raised his voice at you. He had been angry, yes. But a lot of hurt had weaved its way into his words as well.

Halfway through the second week, however, things started to go downhill. You found yourself reaching for your phone a couple of times to tell Daichi about something ridiculous or funny that had happened only for your fingers to stop short as your heart sank.

Oh. right. I'm not supposed to do that anymore.

You’d even tried venting to Suga about Daichi in hopes that he would validate you, but he wasn’t as sympathetic towards your plight as you would’ve liked: “But isn’t this what you wanted?” he'd said. “You’ve been saying that whatever the hell was going on between you two had an expiration date…” “You’re right. It’s probably better this way so you and Daichi can each find the people you wanna be with...” That last one had really dug deep - the thought of Daichi with anyone else made your heart splinter and your stomach wretch. But you had swallowed your heartache down with the lump in your throat and nodded with a meek “Yeah, exactly,” knowing deep in your bones that you didn’t mean a word of it. Suga knew it too.

The week after that was the week from hell. Crying in bed every night because you missed Daichi so much was made that much worse by your shitty week. Life could’ve just given you a normal week but NOPE. Every single day, multiple times a day, you’d pick up your phone to send him an angry text about your boss or the rude ass lady at the grocery store. Or the fact that some really, really important notarized legal documents got lost in the mail. Three trips to UPS, two trips to the post office, and $91.00 later the paperwork finally reached its intended destination via next day air. You wanted to ask him to arrest the incompetent twat who put your mailer on the wrong truck in the first place and then smile at his reaction. To top it all off, your son’s behavior had hit an all-time low. You’d been hoping that it would’ve improved after the disciplinary hearing, which Subi had attended as well but, if anything, his behavior at home had gotten worse too.

You wanted to call Daichi. You wanted him to come over and hold you as you curled into a ball against his chest. To feel his hands in your hair and his lips on your forehead telling you that ‘everything’s gonna be okay’. Because you’d believe it If Daichi was the one saying it. He’d make sure of it. But you couldn’t do any of those things and it made you cry. Like getting kicked when you’re already down.

Daichi didn’t have it much better. 

He’d called and apologized to Yui, who had called him a “fucking asshole”. There was the drunk driver who had puked on him while doing his field sobriety test (he probably deserved that, he’d guessed). Then there was the day he got stuck directing traffic in a torrential downpour. The police-issued waterproof ponchos had done nothing for his wet socks and the sloshing in his shoes. 

There were also all the little annoying things that kept happening to him - his washing machine quit working (mid-cycle, no less), he got a flat tire (in a different torrential downpour), he stubbed his toe one morning while getting out of bed (talk about a rude awakening) - nothing too serious but just enough to piss him off. 

The worst of it was finding out his mom had to be hospitalized for Covid. She had to be on oxygen, but the prognosis was good. She was expected to be okay and eventually make a full recovery, but of course it made him worry about her nonetheless.

And through every bit of it, you were on his mind. He missed you something fierce. But some of the things you’d said still weighed on his heart:

“...how cruel can you be?” “You’re not even my type.” “Just go back in there and fuck your ex-girlfriend!”

That last one had hurt the most. Did you really think that lowly of him to think he’d do that to you? 

To be fair, he also remembered some of the things he’d said to you:

“Would you have liked it better if i’d introduced you as my fuck buddy…?” “What? Not toxic enough for ya?” “...you don’t have to be a jealous girlfriend about it…!”

They made him cringe every time he remembered. Sometimes the words you had thrown at each other kept him up at night.

Tonight was one of those nights…

Daichi was reading in bed, trying to take his mind off of you when his phone buzzed on his nightstand. Thinking it must be work-related at this time of night, he picked it up to see who was calling. When he saw your name on the screen, his heart wanted to claw its way out of his chest. What could you possibly want? Best case scenario was you wanted to apologize, but that could wait until tomorrow. If you didn’t want him to make you a priority anymore, he was going to honor that. Worst case scenario was you were reaching out to him for another booty call, and he was done with that. 

Either way, he let your call go to voicemail, but just as he was about to put his phone back down, your text came through as three little numbers:

911

Daichi sat bolt upright and immediately tapped the call button. Halfway through the first ring, you answered. “Daichi?” You were crying and he could hear a young man’s voice yelling in the background.

He sat forward in his seat, wide brown eyes darting this way and that. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Subi,” you cried. There was a loud bang accompanied by a muffled sob from you. “He threatened to hurt me and now he’s throwing things…”

Before you could say anything else, daichi was on his feet, throwing on a pair of sweats and a hoodie before heading for his front door. “You at home?”

“Y-yes.” you were crying so hard you were wheezing. “Daichi, please…please help?”

“I’m on my way.” His voice was remarkably low and stern and comforting as he told you to go inside your bedroom, lock the door, and stay there. He made sure you didn’t have any injuries and stayed on the phone with you for the 10 mins it took for him to get there. It normally took twice that long to drive from his place to yours, but he had his blue lights on, going well over the speed limit. 

“Daichi, I’m so scared,” you sobbed. 

“I’m almost there, (y/n). Just five more minutes. Come on, deep breaths.” He talked you down enough that you weren’t crying as hard. “Alright, I’m here. Do you know if he’s still in the house?” 

“Yeah, I can hear him. But the front door is locked.” 

“Do you feel safe enough to come out of your room and open it?” 

You’d heard Subi’s voice getting further away and the slamming of his bedroom door. “Yeah, I think so.” 

You slowly came out of your room and hurried to the front door, nearly collapsing in Daichi’s arms when you swung it open. He hugged you and told you everything was okay. He walked inside slowly, noticing some broken glass and other, obviously thrown, objects on the floor, and called your son’s name. Your pre-teen came out of his bedroom to find a man he didn’t recognize standing in the living room. 

“Who’re you?” he asked. 

“I’m Daichi, a friend of your mom’s. You must be Musubi.” 

Musubi narrowed his eyes at him and shrugged in response. 

“What’s been going on, man?” 

Your son crossed his arms over his chest. “Maybe it’s none of your business.” 

Daichi’s dark brown eyes remained steady on him. “Well, seeing as how your mom is my friend and she’s scared and crying, I’d say it is my business.” 

The boy rolled his eyes. “Whatever. It’s not that big of a deal-“ 

“Wrong again. Your mom doesn’t feel safe in her own home. That’s a problem. It’s just the two of you living here, right?” 

Subi shrugged. “Yeah, so?”

“Then that makes you man of the house, doesn’t it?” 

Your son’s eyes met Daichi’s for the first time since he first spoke to him. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“And as the man of the house, don’t you think it’s your job to protect everyone in it, including your mom?” 

The boy didn’t respond, but his facial muscles relaxed as he maintained eye contact with Daichi. He had his undivided attention now. He was speaking to him man to man and your son was listening intently. 

“It’s a big responsibility to be in your position,” Daichi went on, nodding towards you. “Your mother and her safety are under your watch. She doesn’t feel safe with you when you’re the one who’s supposed to be protecting her.” The off-duty police officer's voice remained calm and even as he tilted his head. “So tell me, Musubi: do you really think you’re qualified to be man of the house?” 

You watched and listened with awe as Daichi took command over the situation, showing Subi what it means to be in full control. He leveled with your son while making him feel validated and understood. Rather than telling Subi how he should talk to you, Daichi did far more by showing him what it means to be a good man; he was teaching Subi how to treat others with respect in the way he spoke to him - by demonstrating to him that you get respect from others by being respectable.

Your son’s gaze fell under the weight of Daichi’s words. His beliefs about what it means to be a “man” had just been challenged and shaken to the core. He thought it meant being loud and aggressive, lording over others, calling the shots and expecting others to submit to him - no doubt all the tactics he’d learned from watching his father. 

“You think you’re in control here? Because, from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look like it.” The boy’s gaze followed Daichi’s as he looked around at the broken items in the room before looking over at you, still trembling and sniffling. “If you lose control, it means you don’t have it, Musubi. It’s that simple. Do we have an understanding?” 

The boy’s eyes locked with Daichi’s again and he nodded. 

“Good man. Now,” Daichi said with quiet authority, “Clean up the mess you made.” It wasn’t a request.

“Yes, sir,” Subi murmured as he started picking up the pieces. 

You couldn’t believe the words that just came out of your son’s mouth. Yes, sir? You looked up at Daichi - The Musubi Whisperer - wide-eyed and slack-jawed. Never even raised his voice and had him under his complete command. 

“(Y/n), can I talk to you for a minute in the kitchen?” Daichi said it just loudly enough that your son could hear how his mother should be talked to - by asking, not demanding. 

“Of course.” You followed Daichi until your son was out of earshot, then whispered, “How the fuck did you just do that?” 

Daichi shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of experience. Oldest of 5 kids. Team captain. Cop.” You smiled and nodded, wiping the last of your tears away. He put a tentative hand on your shoulder. “You okay, (y/n)?” 

“I think so,” you sniffed, wiping your freshest tear away with your shirt sleeve. “I’m so sorry to have troubled you, but you were the first person i thought of-” 

Daichi shook his head and pulled you into his arms. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m glad you called me.”

Whether it was the catharsis from the highly charged situation or your need to feel Daichi close was irrelevant when you fastened yourself to him. Before you could think, your arms were around his waist and your head tucked against his chest. 

“Thank you,” you said, your shaky voice muffled by the warmth and weight of Daichi’s arms wrapping tightly around you.

“If it happens again, call me again. If you need anything at all, call me,” he said, rubbing your back. This was the Daichi you’d known all along and fucking hell, you missed him.

You tightened your hold around his waist. You were so immensely relieved to hear him say that. Maybe he still wanted to be the one you called. Just maybe he wanted to be the one you needed. 

“I will,” you said, nodding against his chest.

Before he left that night, he shook Subi's hand. “Take care of your mom.” 

“Yes, sir.” Holy hell, there it was again. Daichi hadn’t even told him to call him sir. Leastways, not with words. How did he do that?

“Do I have your word?” Daichi asked, squeezing Subi’s hand. “Yes, sir.”

“Alright, I’ll stop by in a couple days to see how things are going," he looked at you, "...if that's okay." 

Your son’s lips pursed as he fought back a smile as he watched you nod. “Okay.” 

After Daichi left, Subi said, “You should find a guy like him, Mom.”

Your mouth dropped open, your heart skipping a million beats. Your son had no idea who Daichi was, what he did for a living, or the highly complicated nature of your relationship with him. Finally, you smiled and said, “Yeah? He’s a good guy, huh?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “He’s alright.”

Your son turned to you with his shoulders slumped and tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom.” 

Your body shook with tears as you nodded against his shoulder. “I know, baby. I love you so much.” 

Subi squeezed you tighter as he told you he loved you too.

ch. 10 ☆ ch. 12 (wip)

series mlist | daichi mlist

☆ taglist: @chaoskrakenuwu ☆ @ceo-of-daichi ☆ @honeybunny-sawamura ☆ @yuujispinkhair ☆ @luvkun4 ☆ @briokayama ☆ @mrs-sawamura ☆ @heroesfan101 ☆ @millenialfanfictionaddiction ☆ @citrustsuki ☆ @darthferbert ☆ @crystal-lilac ☆ @hannas16 ☆ @cookiesandmilksx ☆ @strawberrystepmom ☆ @anejuuuuoy ☆ @maexc ☆ @little-ms-awkward ☆ @patheticliesblog ☆ @strawbmarma ☆ @lomons ☆ @victorianhorrors @gazzybums ++ ask/dm/comment if you wanna be added to or removed from a taglist

[hxney-lemcn]

First Date — Young Justice! Riddler x gn! reader

summery: Eddie takes you out on a wonderful date! Arcade? Movie? Dinner? Who could ask for more?

tw: none

a/n: Based on this headcanon/fic by @finniestoncrane ! Go check it out if you haven't already!! Or their entire catalogue of riddler fics because they write him really well and they have an abundance of them. Also! Clematis means intelligence, red camellia's means passionate love, and baby's breath innocence/innocent love.

wc: 2.5k

Master List

It would have been nerve wracking if I hadn’t been waiting for this day for who knows how long. I checked myself in the mirror one last time before I heard a knock on the front door. Nodding to myself in the mirror, knowing if I spent any more time nitpicking at my appearance we’d never get anywhere. Taking in a deep breath, I opened the door to reveal my date for the day. 

There stood Edward Nygma in all his glory. A sheepish grin rested on his face as he handed me a bouquet of flowers. It was a mix of clematis, red camellia’s, and baby’s breath. An odd combination, yet they also worked well together, and knowing Eddie, they held a deeper meaning that I’d have to look up later. 

“Thank you Eddie!” I smiled, inhaling the sweet scent before ushering him in. I didn’t exactly have any vases, but an old bottle I found would have to do the trick. When I came back into the living room, I placed the flowers on the coffee table, watching Eddie take in the place. “Where are we heading to first?” I asked, coming to stand beside him, making him jump. 

“O-oh! Right,” He nodded, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “I-it’s a…surprise?” Normally I’d tease, push a little to see if I could get the answer…but I know Eddie would bend right away and where’s the fun without a little surprise?

It wasn’t too long of a walk, and I was a bit surprised at the destination. Unsurprisingly, the arcade wasn’t too busy at 10:30 am. My smile couldn’t get any bigger when Eddie beat the high score of the pacman game, a triumphant grin revealing his cute little tooth gap.

“Oo! Let’s play this one!” I exclaimed, tugging Eddie over to a motorcycle race game. 

“Okay,” He replied, just happy to see that you were enjoying yourself. With him. That he was making you beam that sweet smile.

The race was afoot. Choosing the bike we wanted, I couldn’t stop the giddy smile from spreading across my face. I never felt so young again. The worries of daily life disappeared, and I could only focus on how sweet Eddie was. 

“Oh my God, Eddie!” I exclaimed, trying to stop the laughter that threatened to bubble out as he laid sprawled out across the floor. The game beeped as I hopped off, crouching over Eddie as he sat up, rubbing his neck sheepishly.

“I’m okay,” He laughed nervously, voice a little higher pitched than normal. “S-sorry, I always screw up…”

“Oh hush,” I batted his arm lightly. “Now c’mon, I think those kids wanna play next.”

He let out a squeak, face blushing bright red as we passed the two giggling children. It was fun to watch Eddie while he managed to get the jackpot every time, gaining an obscured amount of tickets. And when I tried my luck, he was only supportive when I never won it big. 

“Let’s get something to eat,” I offered, pointing over to the ordering station. 

“My treat!” He sputtered. “What do you want?”

“Are you sure?” I asked, feeling a bit guilty at how much he’s been paying already. 

“Th-this day is about you,” He exclaimed. “Anything you want, it's yours.” I felt my heart sputter. He was such a romantic, I wonder if he even realizes how attractive that makes him. 

“It’s about us,” I corrected, leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek. His entire face blazed a bright red as he stuttered incomprehensibly. It was warming to know that I had such an effect on him, yet at the same time it was hard to show him affection if I didn’t want him to go brain dead at the simplest shows of affection. After he calmed down (barely), I told him what I wanted. He returned quickly, handing me what I asked for. Yet instead of us both getting a drink, he placed a slushie between us, two straws placed in it for good measure. I honestly didn’t think he had it in him, but I’ll give him kudos for the gesture. 

Once we finished our snack, he pulled me by the hand over to a stacker game. The prize being 1,000 tickets. He let me try first, cheering me on as I got higher and higher on the game. I felt adrenaline pulse through me as I neared the win line, and the platform got smaller. 

“Gah!” I groaned as I missed by a sliver. “I was so close!”

“You did really well!” Eddie cheered. “It only shows how your hand to eye coordination is better than the common man.”

Even though it read that I earned 500 tickets, I couldn’t be too angry at how Eddie always managed to praise me in his unusual ways. I stood to the side, taking a rewarding sip from our slushie as Eddie managed to absolutely crush the game. 

“That was awesome!” I cheered.

“W-well, I’ve practiced,” He replied sheepishly, watching as 1,000 tickets were placed onto his card balance. “But I think that was our last credit.”

“Damn,” I huffed. “I don’t want the date to end yet.”

“Heh heh,” Eddie laughed sheepishly, rubbing his neck as he couldn’t make eye contact, face flushed a light pink. “W-well I had a bit more planned…”

“Oh!” I said in surprise. The dates I’ve always been on were one thing. Just dinner, just a movie, so the fact that Eddie planned out the day made my smile lighten considerably. 

“B-but if you don’t want to continue that’s fine,” He stumbled, hands waving.

I rolled my eyes, squeezing his hand, “I just said I didn’t want the date to end silly.”

“Right,” He nodded. “Let’s see how many tickets we got.”

Nodding, we walked over to a machine that told us how many tickets we managed to get. I pouted when I saw I only got 2,000 tickets. Only for my jaw to go slack at the outrageous amount of tickets Eddie got. He got 20,000! That’s crazy!

“Holy sh-crap Eddie!” I corrected myself when I saw a little kid run past. Looking around, there wasn’t much I could get with my tickets. Whatever, I had fun nonetheless.

“What do you want?” Eddie asked, also looking around at the prizes he could choose. Sure, he couldn’t get the guitar that they had for some reason, but he still had a large variety. 

“You get something you want,” I pushed. “You won them with your hard work.”

“W-well I wanna get something you want then,” He pouted. And who could say no to that face. My face warmed as I looked at the more promising prizes to choose from. After he got me an actually cute plushie (and not those cheap small ones), I let him choose something with the limited amount of tickets I got. 

“So what’s next?” I asked as we began walking once more.

“Well I overheard you talking about that one movie you wanted to see…” He trailed off.

“Seriously?” I asked, eyes wide with excitement. 

Oh he was serious. He even got the best seats in the back and everything. As the lights in the theater dimmed, I scooted over a bit closer to Eddie. Not too close, as I didn’t want to get him all flustered, even if I find it adorable. I watched in anticipation as the movie started to play, only to hear Eddie yawn. I glanced at him for a second, only for my eyes to return to the screen. Yet when I felt his arm around my shoulder, I had to try my best not to jump. I blinked, face blank, trying my hardest not to snicker. He actually pulled the classic yawn and arm around the shoulder move huh? I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything else from the dork. 

I relaxed into his embrace, resting my head on his shoulder and rested my hand on his stomach. But even though he was the one to pull the first move I could feel him tense under my touch, which made me worry if I took it too far somehow.

“Is this okay?” I whispered, not wanting to bother others. 

“Y-yes,” He stuttered, and even in the dim lighting I could see the red that painted his face. I could only smile warmly, snuggling a bit further to get more comfortable. It was hard to focus on the movie when I was snuggled into a cutie. As the movie progressed, he got more comfortable, awkwardly holding my back. When the movie ended I couldn’t help but be in awe. It was so good! And I got to share it with someone I cared about! What more could I ask for?

“I can’t believe they actually finished it like that!” I exclaimed as I held Eddie’s arm. “That was awesome! Thank you for taking me to see it!”

Eddie chuckled, seeming to have gained more confidence over the experience, “I was surprised too! It was actually a good movie.” “Are you saying I have bad movie tastes?” I asked teasingly.

“N-no! Of c-course not!” He stuttered, waving his free hand in the air. “Th-they just didn’t have the best marketing!”

I laughed gently, nudging his side playfully, “I’m just teasing.”  I wasn’t really paying attention to where we were going, just enjoying my time with Eddie while also trying to silently struggle with the plushie I got. I’m glad I got it, but it was kind of an inconvenience while walking. I nearly stumbled when we stopped outside of a restaurant. Eddie opened the door for me, and I walked in. This was by far the best date I’ve ever been on. Fun at the arcade, restful at the movie, and now a dinner to top it all off? 

As we were seated, Eddie practically rushed to push my chair in for me. And people say chivalry is dead. Well I suppose calling a villain chivalrous is quite ironic, but I digress. We made some small talk while looking over the options. It wasn’t too many, but not too little either. I managed to find something I liked, and I was glad that we were getting something to eat because I was starting to get quite hungry. 

“Do you know what you want?” Eddie asked. “I’ll order it for you.”

I was about to protest, but the sweet look in his eyes had my arguments die in my throat. So instead, I told him what I wanted, and he seemed to concentrate hard to remember it perfectly. He was just too cute. I wonder how no one has scooped him up yet. I’m one lucky person for him to be interested in me. 

As the waiter came by to take our orders, Eddie managed to get them out without one stutter. I smiled at him proudly. The food came around quickly, thankfully.

“Do you have anything planned for tomorrow?” I asked mindlessly, before taking a bite out of my food.

Eddie hummed as he swallowed his bite, “Just finishing up my one plan. Hopefully I can execute it properly.” He slightly deflated at the thought.

Reaching over, I rested my hand over his, causing his gaze to linger on mine, “I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully. After all, you are the smartest man I’ve ever met.”

His cheeks dusted a light pink, either from the touch, or the praise, I wasn’t sure. Probably a mix from both. He pushed his glasses up, seeming to push down his self deprecation and nodded. I knew he wasn’t pushing it because he didn’t want to ruin the date, but I wanted to make sure he knew I wasn’t just lying to him.

“I wouldn’t go on a date with just anyone you know,” I smiled, gently rubbing my thumb over his knuckles before letting go to continue eating.

That seemed to have gotten to him a bit better as he seemed lost for words. He praised me all the time, so I knew that he couldn’t refute anything when it came to me. It was a nice thought, that he saw me so highly, I just wish he could see himself the way I saw him. 

Dinner went smoothly after that. And as we exited the restaurant, I realized we’ll have to walk all the way back to my place. Not that I didn’t want to spend more time with Eddie, it’s just that my body was starting to get sore with all the walking we’ve done today. Not to mention I had to carry the plushie at an awkward angle, making my arm sore. 

“Do you think we could catch a cab?” I asked Eddie sheepishly, messing with the ear of my plushie. 

“Ye-yeah!” Eddie nodded. The ride to my place was quick, and it was nice to rest my head on Eddie’s shoulder. He was less tense about it than earlier which was nice. When the familiar building appeared, I couldn’t help but feel myself relax. I had a wonderful day with Eddie, but a bath sounds plenty nice at the moment. 

Like the gentlemen Eddie is, he walked me to my door, the cab driving off. 

“I had a great night tonight,” I said with a smile towards Eddie. He wore his own, eyes gleaming under the streetlight. “Thank you Eddie.”

“Thank you,” He replied. “For allowing me the chance.”

“You always had a chance,” I teased. And then it was silent, except for the cars in the background. I watched as Eddie’s gaze dropped to my lips for a split second before looking away. I knew he wouldn’t make the first move, and if I learned anything from tonight, he was more open to affection than I thought. 

So, in a fit of bravery, I leaned in, placing my lips on his. He was frozen for a second, before gently kissing me back. I raised a hand to hold his cheek gently, taking in how soft he felt. His lips were warm, his skin was smooth, and even his hair on his sideburns was surprisingly soft to the touch. I was about to pull away, but was surprised when Eddie placed a hand on my neck, keeping me close to him. I gave him a few more seconds before pulling away, the burn in my lungs delicious. But the sounds he let out were even better. He was more intoxicating than he will ever realize because the urge to kiss him was strong, but I’ll save that for the second date.

“Good night Eddie,” I spoke, breaking him out of the little trance he seemed to be in. 

“G-good night!” Eddie replied as I gave him a kiss on the cheek for good measure. I waved at him as I entered my place. Licking my lips, I tasted the slight salt from his skin. He had been sweating after our kiss. I could only shake my head at the thought, only wondering what Eddie would surprise me with next time.

[frvnkcastles]

i see you write the traumatized girlies

🙋🏽‍♀️

i really like your write style, do you think you can write a retired!people pleaser reader where she is taking frank home to her manipulative family and he doesn’t understand what she is apprehensive about until seeing how bad they treat her maybe even try to get him to look her differently then he sticks up for her and takes her away and gives her reassurance that it wasn’t okay and that as long as he was around no one would treat her like that

THERE’S NO REMEDY ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: You lean on Frank after a terrible night with your abusive parents.

Warnings: Mentions of emotional abuse, past trauma, implied C-PTSD, hurt/comfort

Word count: 1k

Author’s note: I’m so very sorry that it took me this long to get to this request! However today is PTSD Awareness Day and I really wanted to get something out in honor of that. This disorder really majorly sucks so I’m very proud of myself and all of you who are also struggling, because we’re doing our best in a shitty situation and managing. Treat yourself today <3

Also, I realized that it took me a long time to get to this because writing about the family dynamic turned out to be triggering so I kinda skipped that part and went straight to the comfort. I hope you like it regardless! :)

Red crescents littered your thigh as you dug your nails in, your teeth gnawing on your lip and your thoughts everywhere else except whatever Frank was telling you from his side of the car. You couldn’t help but zone out in complete anxiety that came in nauseating waves, your stomach churning uncomfortably as you tried to recover from the night behind you.

”Hey, you with me?” Frank’s voice only got through to you when he placed a hand on yours over your thigh, and looking back at him from the window decorated with raindrops, a guilty look crossed your eyes.

”Not really”, you swallowed. Frank nodded in understanding, but didn’t say anything — simply squeezed your hand.

You had been together for a long, long while now. Yet he had never met your family; and for good reason, you had insisted. They had put you down for as long as you had been walking the Earth, and as soon as you had turned eighteen, you had packed up your things and left.

If only it had been that easy, though. Just because you moved out, you had been unable to cut them off. They were good at making you feel guilty and responsible like that. Years of therapy had helped you see your own worth and realize that the treatment you got from your family was far from okay or normal, but it seemed that whenever they called, you fell into old patterns.

You had tried your very best to keep Frank away from

them, though. You were embarrassed, and maybe even a little bit scared that it would be too much for him — or maybe, he’d realize they were right about you and he wouldn’t want to be with you anymore. You had thought it over a million times, considered every possible outcome, none of them comforting.

”You don’t owe me anythin’, sweetheart. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, then I believe ya”, Frank had assured every time the topic came up.

So how you had ended up in the car, with the navigation system telling Frank how to get to your parents’ house, you weren’t quite sure. A part of you had wanted to show off, let them see what a great guy you were sharing your life with now, but the closer you had gotten to your destination, the worse of an idea it had seemed. Your parents knew how to turn even the best situation into a toxic one, and they hadn’t hesitated to do the same tonight, too.

It had started as soon as you made it through the front door. The belittling, twisting your words, making you feel guilty for having your own life separate from your parents’. Not to mention the unabashed attempts to embarrass you and create doubt in Frank’s head — doubt that you were worth his time or the woman you had claimed to be in the first place.

You sniffled and hastily wiped your eyes with the back of your hand as all the pent-up emotion of the evening behind you finally broke through. Without a second’s hesitation, Frank was pulling over at the gas station right on your way, and shushing you gently as you brought your hands to your face and began sobbing.

”Why do I keep thinking it’ll be different? How stupid can I be?” you cried, your eyes blurry from the downpour of tears, your whole body trembling even as Frank reached from his side of the car with open arms.

”Baby, you ain’t stupid. Hear me? You’re not stupid. Everyone wants to see the good in their family. It ain’t your fault they’re just shitty”, he insisted, his hand caressing the back of your head while he tilted his head low to be on your level. A frown was etched onto his face as he watched you shake and cry, his own body filling with anger and regret that he hadn’t set clear boundaries with your family. Sure, he had taken you out of there as soon as he realized what was going on, but maybe there was more he could have done.

Hiccuping, you looked up at him with a wobbly lip. ”Do you—do you promise you’re not gonna leave me now?” you pleaded, and with his eyes softening at the genuine fear in your voice, Frank leaned in to kiss your temple.

”Sweetheart, why would I do that?” he questioned, sincere and gentle with you as his fingers continued stroking your hair.

”The—the things they were saying about me… you must regret being with me”, you pointed out, and before there was any room for debate, Frank cut in.

”I don’t regret a single second I’ve spent with ya. I’m meant to be right here. They can talk all the bullshit they want, you’re everythin’ to me and that ain’t changin’”, he swore, dead-serious. As much was evident in his dark eyes, which were always full of love when he looked at you, but they were stern, too — he wasn’t messing around.

”Listen to me, aight?” Frank cleared his throat. ”The way they treated you… it is not okay. It’s not okay, got that? I will never do that to you. I promise. I’m never gonna take you for granted. As long as I’m here, you never have to feel that way again”, his gruff voice reassured you, and to seal the deal, he gently took your hand in his own and kissed it.

Sniffling, you nodded. ”Thank you, Frankie. That really means a lot”, you gave him a careful smile, and pulling you into a hug as well as he could from behind the wheel, he left another kiss on the top of your head.

”You tell me whenever they ask you to do shit for them, alright? I’m gonna help you cut them off. I know it ain’t easy but you deserve better. You don’t need ’em. Hell, you don’t need anyone, but you still got me, okay?” he insisted, and nodding again, you leaned in to kiss him tenderly. He returned the kiss deeply, both of you closing your eyes and resting your foreheads together while his thumb swiped across your cheeks to wipe your tears.

”Now, how about we get some greasy food to save the night and huddle up in front of the TV, huh? How’s that sound, sweetheart?” Frank suggested then, and with a new, reinforced smile, you kissed his cheek.

”Sounds perfect.”

[thirstyforcharacters]

Reconnection

Part 2 of the Mistakes Series

Part 1: Mistakes. Part 3: Healing

Summary: You walked away from Joel after the confrontation at Bill and Frank’s. You thought you’d never see him again. Until you did.

Warnings: angst!!!!! reader is lonely :( Joel and reader are getting better at emotions!!! mentions of canon typical violence, allusion to sexual activities, happy-ish ending

WC: 2025

Notes: soooo here is the sequel to Mistakes!! I had originally planned on only having this series be two parts, and then I thought it would be three or four, but now I’m kind of back to only doing two bc I really liked how this part ended!!! Lmk what you think about that!!

Walking out was simultaneously the best and worst thing you could’ve done for yourself. You didn’t wake up feeling unwanted. You did what you wanted when you wanted because no one was there to hover over you. You lived in the woods, trading with other people like you, dodging Infected, and killing raiders who tried to make your life more of a living hell than living on this earth already was.

But you were lonely. You missed the times you had with Joel and Tess before everything happened. You missed the feeling of having a family, even if they weren’t a great one at the end. They were the only two people you trusted, and not having that safety net was terrifying. But you made your choice and you stuck to it. On April 23rd, 2023, you left the Boston QZ and didn’t look back, not even as Joel pleaded with you to stay. Not even as you saw tears start to fill Tess’s eyes for the first and last time. Not even as you snuck through the gate and slit the FEDRA agent’s throat who tried to stop you.

For a year, you wandered. Slowly, you traveled, going from Boston down to Pennsylvania, then you made your way through the Midwest. You didn’t really have a destination, you just knew that you wanted to be as far away from Boston as you could get.

And on April 23rd, 2024, you found Jackson, Wyoming.

Well to be more specific, the residents found you.

As always, you were wandering on your own. What was snow covered terrain in the winter was now grasslands in the spring as you hiked over prairies and rolling fields, slowly approaching the Rockies to the west. At some point, you crossed a few rivers, but honestly, so much of what you traveled had blurred together at this point. It was nighttime, and you laid down to rest, setting up a small camp as always. You slept for only two hours, which wasn’t abnormal for you. But what wasn’t normal for you was to be surrounded by three people on horseback pointing rifles at you when you woke up. Immediately, you put your hands in the air. You could take three people easily if they were on the ground, but on horseback, you were at a major disadvantage.

“Who’re you?” the one in the center asked.

His accent was familiar. You searched for his face, blinking your eyes open in the dark, slowly adjusting to the low light.

“‘M Y/n. Just passing through.”

“You by yourself?” he asked again.

Your eyes widened once they were finally adjusted from the dark.

It was Tommy, Joel’s brother.

You knew him back in the day, before he ran off to join the Fireflies. He was always a bit friendlier than his older brother, despite everything he’d gone through. And he was handsome, though you had always preferred Joel in that regard.

“Tommy?”

Your voice was much more confused than you would’ve liked, but it made him stop in his tracks. He studied your face, searching for something in it until the light turned on.

“Oh, shit, you’re that Y/n! Sorry I didn’t recognize you at first, it’s been a while.”

But his gun was still pointed at you. And you knew why.

“I’m not Infected. You can check me yourselves if you want.”

You rolled up your sleeves and your pantlegs to prove a point, showing off the lack of bites and claw marks on your body.

The person on the right, a woman with dark hair jumped down from her horse. It was at that point that you noticed a dog beside them, growling at you.

“The dog will know if you’re telling the truth,” she said.

You tensed up. Despite knowing that you were clean, the large creature baring its teeth at you was still unnerving. But you allowed him to approach, and soon his growls faded as he nudged you with his nose. You couldn’t help but smile as you scratched his head, the animal giving you some comfort as you looked up at the people who were now getting off of their horses. Tommy offered you his hand and you took it, allowing him to help you off of the ground. The dark haired woman smiled at you, and the other person, a man with light brown hair and glasses looked you over.

“It’s good to see you again, Y/n. It’s been a long time,” said Tommy with a smile.

“It’s good to see you, too. Always enjoyed your company,” you responded honestly.

His smile grew a little wider, but then dropped as he asked you, “What are you doing out here by yourself? Always thought if I saw you again, it would be with Joel and Tess.”

You tensed up, and he noticed.

“Long story. Don’t have time to tell it,” you offered simply, “what about you? Still with those Fireflies?”

He chuckled, “Not exactly. I’ll show you when we get there. You can share my horse.”

Despite not seeing him in many years, you trusted him. So, ignoring the sleep that wanted to retake you, you gathered your few belongings and got on the horse, along with the two others. During the ride, you learned their names were Maria and Allen.

“Maria’s my wife,” Tommy said, beaming with pride, “we’re parents now, can you believe it?”

You smiled at them both, “Congratulations!”

But why would they want a child in a world like this?

As the sun was rising over the Wyoming mountainside, you arrived at your destination. You couldn’t help but gasp out loud at the wooden gates and stare in shock at the beautiful town sprawled out before you.

“Holy shit, Tommy!” is all you could think to say.

Tommy laughed, his eyes crinkling at the sides, “Welcome to Jackson.”

Maria smiled and said, “We’ll find a place to put you up. I’m sure you’re tired since we interrupted your sleep. We can take you on a tour in the morning.”

Suddenly, your exhaustion hit you, your eyes drooping involuntarily as a yawn escaped your lips.

“That sounds great.”

You honestly didn’t even remember falling asleep, but when you woke up to knocking at the front door of your new house, the sun was high in the sky. You yawned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you trudged through your bedroom and the rest of your house to reach the front door.

“Hey, Y/n! Feel a little better?”

Tommy was on your doorstep with a smile.

You nodded, “Still a little sleepy, but much better, thank you.”

“Good,” he said, “you ready for that tour, now?”

“Sure.”

Tommy led you through town, pointing out the important buildings: the stables, the bar, of course, and the clinic, while explaining how things worked in town.

“Oh, and since you’re capable, we’ll probably put you in the patrol rotation as soon as you’re settled in…”

But you weren’t listening anymore. The two of you approached the school, since Tommy thought maybe you could help teach there, and there you saw something you hoped you’d never see again.

Joel.

He was talking to a teenaged girl with brown hair and a bright smile. He was laughing at something she had said, his eyes twinkling with a brightness you had never seen in them before.

Blood rushed to your ears as your heart pounded in your chest. You couldn’t help the way your hands shook as adrenaline rushed through you.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to see him again.

“Y/n, you okay?” asked Tommy softly.

Joel’s head whipped around upon hearing your name. It couldn’t really be you, could it? Your hair was too long and tangled, your clothes too torn and dirty, your shoes barely staying on your feet.

But those eyes were unmistakable. They carried so much weight, even more than the last time he saw you. They were filled with fear, anger, sadness, but worst of all, loneliness. And it was his fault.

Joel never stopped blaming himself for what happened. He missed you every day, and no one, not even Tess could pull him from his misery. Ellie filled the Sarah-sized hole in his heart, but there was still a you-sized hole from the past year. And now that you were before him, he was determined to get you back.

“Y/n.”

The soft murmur of your name was enough to shake you of your stupor.

“Joel.”

You said nothing more. What else was there to say?

“Hey, Ellie, you want to come to my place? Maria’s baking cookies,” Tommy asked, giving you both a meaningful look.

“Sure! You’d better come around then, too, Joel!” the girl, Ellie, said cheerfully, seemingly oblivious to what was occurring.

“I will, Ellie. You run along now,” Joel replied, smiling softly at the retreating figures of Ellie and his brother.

Then his attention was on you. And quite frankly, you didn’t know what to do.

Joel stepped toward you, closing the gap until you were face to face with the man that had been haunting your dreams for the past year.

“Didn’t expect to see you around here,” he said.

You heard the weight his voice carried. Even if others couldn’t read the stoic man, you could. You knew him too well, even after all of this time.

“Well that makes two of us.”

The bitterness still tinging your voice makes him wince slightly.

“It’s good to see you alive,” he offered, “that you’re okay.”

“No thanks to you.”

The tone was sharp, offered no room for friendliness or forgiveness.

Joel sighed softly, running his fingers through his graying hair, “I know. I’ve thought about it every day.”

That made you pause, the anger simmering below the surface beginning to give way.

“Me too.”

You wouldn’t say that you missed him. That you dreamed about a world where the three of you were still a team. That when you felt really lonely, your fingers would slip below your waistband, still thinking of him. That you often wished desperately that you never left. But you felt like he knew.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

His smile was tight lipped and his eyes swam with the ghosts of your shared past.

“No Tess?”

Her absence was noticeable to you. In the time the three of you had worked together, you didn’t go anywhere without the others.

Joel shook his head, “Dead.”

“Raiders?”

“Infected.”

“Oh,” you gasped, “I’m sorry.”

And you were. Tess was a good friend and a strong ally. Her death was unexpected to you, and you knew Joel had to have been there to see it. You wouldn’t wish that upon your worst enemy.

He looked at the ground, breaking eye contact with you for the first time, “Losing her was hard. I had already lost you, and then I lost her. Just like Sarah.”

Joel was never one to talk about his emotions, but you had broken down that wall during your partnership. And though you didn’t let your guard down to him, here he was using a wrecking ball.

“Joel, I-” this time you ran your fingers through the tangled mess that was your hair, trying to search for something to say.

But he continued, “I know what I did to you was wrong. Shutting you out wasn’t the answer, and I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t. But maybe leaving wasn’t the best answer for me, either.”

That was the first time you had really admitted that to yourself.

“I should’ve talked to you, like this, before making a choice so rash. I’m so-”

“You don’t have to apologize. You did what you had to. You have to do what’s best for you in this world,” Joel interrupted, returning his gaze to you.

You nodded, “Well, maybe this is a chance for us to start fresh. Maybe it was meant to happen.”

The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, “Maybe it was. Let me walk you home.”

And you did, with the feeling that you’d let him do it again and again.

[coolcattime]

A Mianite Superpower AU I've been cooking up where the gang is split between heroes and villains. This little explanation focuses on the “villains” because I came up with the Au based around them so I'm more sure of their backstories. (More of the AU under the read more because as it turns out, I had a lot to say. This focuses on Tom, Sonja, Capsize, and Redbeard).

The universe is one where some people are just born with superpowers. Their strength grows with time, and generally it's accepted that a person with powers will have fully developed them by teenhood. Hence the heroes association has a required test for children to find those with major powers so they can be properly trained to become superheroes.

The test is controversial, and has only been growing more so in recent years. Especially as being caught ‘cheating’ the test has become an arrest-able offence. From this development a small group of villains has been forming from those caught ‘cheating’.

Tom

Powers: Creation and manipulation of explosions, creation and manipulation of fire, mild healing factor, will come back to life after dying

When he had taken the test, Tom only had minor powers. He could create tiny explosions the size of firecrackers and manipulate the flame of a lighter, but his powers weren't anything to write home about and certainly not superhero worthy. The superheroes association agreed, marking him as having minor powers and letting him remain to live his life rather than training him. It seemed that Tom was destined to live a normal life.

Then Tom died. He was hit by a car and died on the scene. Technically nothing out of the ordinary. Except, a day later, Tom woke up.

He woke up confused as hell in a hospital morgue with no idea as to how he was currently alive. What should have been a miracle was quite tainted by him getting arrested mere hours later for “hiding superpowers”. No matter how much he tried to explain that he had no idea had he come back to life, they didn't listen to him. Only made worse by the powers he had already being amplified to the point that he's pretty sure he could blow up the building he was being kept in. He didn't go that far, but he did end up breaking through a good number of walls to escape custody as, for reasons as unknown to him as the rest of his newly upgraded powers, the power-restrictor that was put on him didn't seem to work.

That night Tom was declared a super villain. And if they were going to call him a villain, Tom was going to be the biggest thorn in their side they could possibly imagine. After all, who can cause more trouble than a villain who can't die?

Sonja

Powers: The ability to comprehend all written language, clairvoyance via ink and paper, shape-shifting

Sonja's original power of language comprehension was never going to be the sort of thing that got her put on active hero duty, but it was deemed useful enough to get her recruited for behind the scenes work. She liked it well enough, even if her job seemed to mostly be being told to dispose of anything actually interesting. But it wasn't a hard job, she got training, and above average accommodation, and she was well liked by pretty much everyone in the building.

Her life probably could've just continued this way, working her way up behind the scenes until she became irreplaceable. But one day, Sonja became intrigued by one of the documents she'd be given to investigate. A set of instructions for an apparent ritual written by a newly captured villain. Now those were, at least in her line of work, dime a dozen, but the exact nature of this one was something she couldn't ignore. A ritual for an individual to be gifted new powers. And that was just too interesting for her to either destroy or hand over the document to be sat in an archive for the rest of time. So she tested it on herself.

She had no idea if it would work or how she would get to grips with a brand new power, so she set it up to get herself the ability to gather information via ink and paper. It seemed similar enough to her current power to quickly get to grips with and useful to the heroes association since it would be great for low stakes intel gathering. And it worked. She did the ritual and suddenly just spilling ink on paper could produce maps or lists of information. She was so excited to present the ritual to the higher ups, because she was sure it could help the association.

Sonja was arrested. Officially she was arrested for hiding her powers, but she knew it was really because she did something she didn't like. Her arrest was argued against by a number of heroes and association staff alike. She had always been well-liked, a bullshit arrest wasn't going to change that, but none of their arguments stopped her from being sent towards the same facility that held actual supervillains. What actually stopped her from being locked up was Tom causing the transport truck to crash. He offered her freedom, and if she was going to be deemed a traitor anyway she might as well take the road where she isn't imprisoned.

Since joining Tom, she's managed to gather the resources to perform the ritual again, giving herself the ability to shape-shift. She's also used her clairvoyance to figure out what precisely caused Tom's revival and sudden power spike. An odd heart-shaped artifact apparently sewn into his corpse. Though her powers won't say exactly what it it or who put it inside Tom, leaving them a goal to investigate.

Capsize & Redbeard

Powers: The ability to transfer their powers between each other, water manipulation (Capsize), short distance teleport of themself and others (Capsize), air manipulation (Redbeard), minor charmed speech (Redbeard)

Coming from a small coastal town, Capsize and Redbeard were very used to the idea that their powers meant that one day they would be taken away to never return. The only time heroes ever showed up was when a villain threatened to rise sea levels and honestly even that didn't make them show up sometimes. The only time they saw anything of the heroes association was once a year when a single clerk would come to administrator the power test to the of age kids. Not liking the idea of being forced away from their home, Capsize and Redbeard decided to trick the test.

With the clerk only able to administrator the test to one kid at a time, they knew that they just needed to transfer all their powers into whoever wasn't being tested and hope that they didn't get caught. By some miracle, they didn't. There was some brief questioning as to what exactly their transference power did when they didn't have powers, but seeing that nothing could be proved, they were marked down as having a minor power and left to their own devices. Given the town's less than stellar opinion towards the heroes association and the twins doing their best to help around town, they were more than happy to keep the secret.

Years passed, the two growing up with being able to live their lives and learning their powers at their own pace. As long as they hid their powers one day a year, they could continue to do so. But eventually everyone's luck runs out. It wasn't as if Redbeard wasn't aware of the day, but that thought went out of his mind when he saw a workman falling from some scaffolding. He acted on impulse, slowing the man's fall. Unfortunately the heroes association clerk was walking by and quickly Red was arrested for having hidden powers. He just about managed to transfer his powers to Capsize before the power-restricting handcuffs were put on him, but now the heroes association was aware of his powers, the power transference made sense.

Heroes were summoned to the town for the first in over a decade as a Capsize was marked as a wanted criminal and the mood of the town threatened to turn riotous. The news managed to also catch Tom and Sonja's attention who headed to find Capsize with Sonja's powers, a little surprised to find she hadn't yet left town. They found her already being confronted by a hero who was attempting to talk her into surrendering. Said hero is extremely distracted by two supervillains turning up and turns his attention towards them only to be knocked out by Capsize who frankly isn't in the mood for the heroes associations bullshit. She isn't stupid. She knows that the only thing waiting for her and Redbeard from them is prison. So she asks Tom and Sonja if they'll help her break out Redbeard. Of course, the two agree.

Capsize and Redbeard end up fleeing their home town being officially declared super villains as they join Tom and Sonja. The group counts the whole thing as a victory as the heroes association's reputation has never been lower in Capsize and Redbeard's home And, for their long term goals, Capsize and Redbeard recognise the idea of a heart shaped relic from an old story about the original three heroes giving them at least some kind of a new lead to look into.

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

Maybe I’m the odd one out here but What is and What Should Never Be always absolutely destroys me. I weep for almost the entire episode.

Dean has a home. He has someone who loves him. His life is normal and safe. And I cry.

The way he looks at Mary when he sees her for the first time. The way he nearly crumbles when she says “I told you angels were watching over you”. And then he hugs her with everything he has. He’s so happy to be back with him mom, back in his childhood home. His mom makes him lunch and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He gets to mow the lawn like a normal person. The trunk of his car isn’t full of weapons. He’s just ordinary, and he’s so happy about it. So I cry.

And the way he hugs Jess? He only ever met the girl once but he knows how much she means to Sam. And he knows that losing her almost killed his brother. And so he hugs her as tight as he can, because he’s so thrilled that she’s alive and Sam is happy. And I cry.

But what also kills me is the way that Sam and his mom talk about Dean. They’re always asking if he’s been drinking. They’re suspicious of all of his actions and his affections. Maybe the version of Dean from this life wasn’t exactly on the straight and narrow, but they talk about him like he’s a deadbeat. So I cry.

Jesus Christ, and when Dean goes to talk to his dad at the cemetery?

“It's like my old life is… is coming after me or something. Like it like it doesn't want me to be happy. Course I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball but... "So go hunt the Djinn. He put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right?" But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life? Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad?”

He doesn’t say “why can’t I have the life I want?” Sure, he asks why he has to be a hero. But he makes it more about Sam and his mom. Because he wants them to have the lives they deserve. And this moment just gives us another look at what a bastard John was. Dean knew how dismissive and rude John would be. He knew that John would never choose his own son’s happiness over the lives of strangers. And he’d probably scream at Dean for even considering the “selfish” option. The way Dean says that his old life doesn’t want him to be happy also kills me. Because it’s like, no matter where he goes or what he does, he’s destined for misery. So I sob.

And so Dean goes to hunt the Djinn. He chooses the lives of others over everything, like he always does. And he realizes his new life isn’t real. He realizes he’s been unconscious this entire time, and that Jess is dead. His mom is dead. Carmen doesn’t really exist. And I cry.

So he’s ready to kill himself, but the way that his family tries to convince him to stay?

Oh my god. Spiegel im Spiegel starts playing, and Sam asks “why’d you have to keep digging?”

Mary tells him to put the knife down. She says it doesn’t matter that this life isn’t real, it’s still better than anything he had before. And that yeah, in real life, he will die in a few days. But it will feel like years. And there will be “No more pain. Or fear. Just love and comfort. And safety,” none of which Dean has in his real life

But Dean still chooses to return to his life, because he cares more about our saving people than he does about his own happiness.

And he tells Sam about the fake life the djinn created for him. About how Sam was happy with Jess. And their mom was going to have grandchildren. Sam commends him for having the strength to fight it, to leave it behind. And Dean says, “But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad. I mean, ever since Dad... all I c– all I can think about is how much this job's cost us. We've lost so much. We've... sacrificed so much.”

and it’s like, damn. Why can’t Dean ever be truly happy? Cause even in this “happy” version of his life, everything was tinged with pain and sadness and grief. And I just wish he could get a break. So I cry and cry and cry and cry.

[freestyle-crocodile-trashpile]

He's got a what?

[A/n: enjoy montgomery]

Summary: All the human workers know the Animatronics can't fall I love, they believe they programed the Animatronics to not fall in love, but of course someone always messs up. So seeing montgomery gator fallng in love with the (self aware) 9'5 iguana waiter was a shock.

Background(for you): you aren't new, you've been in the freddy fazbear entertainment for years, started with fazbear frights . Now they decided for you to be rebuild since it would be easy . But since you were a scare Animatronic you were tall, and creepy so they had some struggle fixing it. But soon enough you were the first Animatronic to be announced for freddy fazbears mega pizzaplex

Type:scenario: Montgomery gator X male reader

Version:security breach

~

So while everyone was workering, the show Animatronics realized Montgomery wasn't there getting ready for the show.

"Weres Monty?"

Freddy looked at Chica before looking around.

"Oh my, he isn't here. We have to alert the staff"

"He's fine, probably just destroying his room again, like aways"

Roxanne rolled her eyes thinking Monty was just mad again, but in reality Monty is standing beside you in the kitchen, looking up at you with the most love struck look he could make. He was in love and clearly wanted to hold your hand but couldn't, you were waiting on the orders people made and Monty was just a tag along not realizing his show was soon. The staff and security was alerted that Monty was not at the stage but it was already rising. When it rose all the way the Animatronics stood there not knowing what to do, since Montgomery wasn't there.

"Um... sorry guys but we have to wait to start the show, montgomery gator isn't here currently so we can't stop. But hopefully he'll be here soon"

Freddy let out a awkward chuckle as people went back to what they were doing.

"Were is he...."

Chica glanced to the people and seen a few angry people. Mainwhile you had just got the last pizza for the tables.

"Alright Monty let's go, oh and when is your concert? You never told me"

Monty was quiet as you two walked out of the kitchen and towards the stage area, not because he was mad or didn't want to say. He was just in a dream day, about you even though your right next to him. Also he was a little intimidated by your height. But that was the purpose of you. You twonwere half way there and monty still haven't said anything.

"Monty?"

Nothing just staring off.

"Montgomery"

This time you stopped yourself and him. He looked a little startled and looked up at you shocked.

"Did you hear me"

He looked down and nodded no. You signed

"I asked when your concert is, or was"

He froze. Is a hurry he looked up at the nearest clock and started to panic.

"About 10 minutes ago"

You looked at the clock, and remembered the day the clock stopped. The days the clock would stay at one time to hopefully keep people at freddy fazbears longer than they should, and have angry complaints about how they missed something important because of the 'broken' clocks but they never were fixed. 7:25pm was the moment your life ended, and 3:45am was the moment your life changed forever never going 'home' or having a normal life ever again.

"Y/n?"

You looked down at the worried alligator, who,clearly, tried to pull you along.

"Sorry, lost in thought"

Monty nodded and pulled you along, by your tail of course. When you got to your destination monty, as quickly as he could, went to the stage in a hurry, go meet up with the other performing Animatronics. As you shook your head at him you started to deliver the food and drinking to the rightful people. When montgomery got to the stage, the others instantly started asking questions.

"Wow guys calm down, i was just in the kitchen with y/n. alright"

"The iguana waiter?"

Monty nodded. Roxy started at him for a second before she started laughing.

"Oh, ignore her, but why were you with him?"

Monty looked up at Chica and opened his mouth but nothing, for once he was lost for words. So he just shrugged.

"Do you like, like him?"

Usually Montgomery would quickly deny but something made him Freeze. They all started at him waiting for a response.

"We should start the show right?"

Before they could respond monty grabbed the microphone out of Freddys hand.

"Who's ready for this concert!!"

Monty said loudly, causing the crowd to go wild, all cheering as monty started up his guitar while shoving the microphone back in Freddys hand. Chica knew, instantly seeing Montys reaction to her saying that. It means Monty likes you, the iguana waiter, aka the use to be scare Animatronic. It wasn't surprising to her, and Roxy didn't care. But Freddy? He knew that they weren't supposed to be able to fall in love. Their not programed to do that. So why? And how? He'll never know

~

[A/n:it's a little longer but not like crazy. I hope you enjoyed]

[altocat]

Seph’s dillemma in the new chapter is so painful because he is bound to a role he doesn’t want to be in, and that role requires him to compromise his own morality so badly that he has learned already at 14 to kill without hesitation or emotion.

We sit here and think about how fucked up it is that he killed kids in that scene…but then we put it together that, no…he killed other kids. He is killing his peers who are also trying to kill him and he basically has no choice in that regard. He doesn’t want to be the cyborg, enhanced human but it’s what he has to be if he wants to succeed.

I feel like it could be pretty basic symbolism.

“I’m not a cyborg. I never wanted to be.” is what he truly thinks and why he still behaves like a sweet-hearted kid normally, but as soon as it’s time to do his job and kill for Shinra, he becomes that cyborg, part-machine thing that he hates. He has to smother part of his humanity and as a fucking child no less.

He isn’t a cyborg, but he is. Sometimes he has no choice.

No wonder he started crying and tried to reaffirm his humanity to Glenn. He hates this obvious dilemma that he has to deal with. It’s so messed up, man. Shinra is evil personified. I feel like I have been stabbed.

ALL of this.

And the tragedy is that Sephiroth, whether you love him or you hate him for what he will eventually do, never HAD a choice. EVER. Even as a grown adult, he was still on Shinra's leash. And by the time he obtains his agency, he's completely insane and warped beyond repair and too far gone to make rational, healthy decisions about which direction to take his life in. He gives into his darker nature and there's nothing left of what was once human. And all this because Shinra SET HIM UP for this outcome from the very beginning. Sephiroth really is a special case because the ability to choose was robbed from him not as a teenager or as a child but as a FETUS. The second those cells went in, he would have never lived a normal life. It was set in stone.

He spends his entire life struggling with the weight of guilt, expectations, and dehumanization and he dies a miserable death. I think Sephiroth deserves to be punished for what he did. And he truly is irredeemable at this point. But people also need to recognize that he was destined to become a villain since conception. Shinra did everything in their power to completely ruin him and they succeeded--it just backfired on them tremendously.

[fearlessinger]

Time to address the Halcyon Green-shaped elephant in the room aka let me explain to you why I think it’s canon even though it seems like it should not be aka another installment of Tinfoilhatting With Fsinger

I’m really sorry I could not think of a better title. Hope you’re intrigued enough to follow me in this journey anyway. 

So. The thing is. 

The Halcyon story, taken as it is, does not gel with TOA at all. 

And not because it’s OOC for Apollo to have done what Halcyon says he’s done to him… Although I think it is. I think an argument can and should be made – and has been made by @flightfoot before – that this story, taken as it is, is essentially… incompatible with Apollo’s characterization in every other scrap of the RRverse he appears in. (This story, and also the Harpocrates story, which I won’t examine here because it deserves its own post. For now I’ll just say it’s interesting to note that it’s the two additions to Apollo’s background that Rick invented out of whole cloth that share this peculiarity, and I don’t think it’s by mistake). 

But whether the Halcyon story breaks the internal consistency of Apollo’s characterization or not is a matter of secondary importance in the face of the fact that the Halcyon story breaks the internal consistency of the TOA narrative as a whole. 

Take this excerpt from The Diary Of Luke Castellan:

“How long have you been here?” I asked.

Halcyon shrugged listlessly. The monster spoke for him: “I have lost count. Decades? Because my father is the god of oracles, I was born with the curse of seeing the future. Apollo warned me to keep quiet. He told me I should never share what I saw because it would anger the gods. But many years ago…I simply had to speak. I met a young girl who was destined to die in an accident. I saved her life by telling her the future.”

I tried to focus on the old man, but it was hard not to look at the monster’s mouth—those black lips, the slavering bone-plated jaws.

“I don’t get it…” I forced myself to meet Halcyon’s eyes. “You did something good. Why would that anger the gods?”

“They don’t like mortals meddling with fate,” the leucrota said. “My father cursed me. He forced me to wear these clothes, the skin of Python, who once guarded the Oracle of Delphi, as a reminder that I was not an oracle. He took away my voice and locked me in this mansion, my boyhood home. Then the gods set the leucrotae to guard me. Normally, leucrotae only mimic human speech, but these are linked to my thoughts. They speak for me. They keep me alive as bait, to lure other demigods. It was Apollo’s way of reminding me, forever, that my voice would only lead others to their doom.”

An angry coppery taste filled my mouth. I already knew the gods could be cruel. My deadbeat dad had ignored me for fourteen years. But Halcyon Green’s curse was just plain wrong. It was evil.

Now think back on all the times Apollo compares Nero to Zeus or even Kronos, and all the times he does not include himself too as a term of comparison.

Remember how Apollo equated Nero warning Meg her disobedience would “make him unleash the Beast” to Zeus warning his children to not “get on the wrong side of my lightning bolts”, rightfully recognizing that they are the exact same kind of manipulative abdication to personal responsibility + shifting of the blame onto the injured party that’s a staple of the classic abuser’s playbook? Well, at the same time as he noted that, he was omitting to add that he himself had threatened Halcyon in an almost identical manner, telling his son that to disobey him would “anger the gods”. 

And not only was Apollo omitting that, he was explicitly equating himself to Lu instead. Lu, who, yes, was a cog in the abusive machine that kept Meg trapped, but was so against her own wishes, because she really had no other choice, no better options. Lu, who only ever tried to help Meg survive. Who jumped at the chance to help set Meg free as soon as it was offered to her, even knowing that Meg’s freedom would likely come at the cost of her own life. 

Remember how Apollo mentally tuned out Nero’s villain monologue right in the middle of the ‘Top 100 Times Apollo Has Failed As A Parent’ section, ensuring that we, the readers, would not risk learning about Halcyon even in this manner?

Because Apollo is the narrator of TOA. He’s the one who chooses what to let us know, and what information he wants to withhold from us. 

Bearing this in mind, doesn’t the thought that he’d purposely choose to bury the Halcyon story fill you with rage? It sure has that effect on me! :))) (Yes, those are angry smiles in case you couldn’t tell.)

It’s painfully clear, right from the very beginning of THO, that Apollo’s not oblivious to the nature and mechanics of abuse. Especially abuse perpetrated by parents on their children. He knows exactly what that is and how it works. He calls it by name. He explains it to us and to Meg, repeatedly. He points fingers. At several people. 

Never at himself.

Oh, he easily admits to being a “terrible father”. He expresses regret and apologizes for it multiple times. But the implication, all through the 5 books that make up the TOA series, is that he’s guilty of neglect, not of active abuse. 

And we know, even though Apollo never even tries to defend himself, that the neglect is not really a free choice on his part. He DOES want to be there for his children. But he can’t. He’s not allowed to. The laws of non interference forbid it, and the consequences of disobeying Olympus’s laws… well the whole series is an example of how dire they can be. 

‘Hey, if we don’t get out of this –’

‘None of that talk,’ I chided.

‘Yeah, but I wanted to tell you, I’m glad we had some time together. Like … time time.’

His words warmed me even more than Paul Blofis’s lasagne.

I knew what he meant. While I’d been Lester Papadopoulos, I hadn’t spent much time with Austin, or any of the people I’d stayed with, really, but it had been more than we’d ever spent together when I was a god. [...]

I was tempted to promise we’d do this more often if we survived, but I’d learned that promises are precious. If you’re not absolutely sure you can keep them, you should never make them [...].

So despite how much he wants to – and we know how much he wants to because he tells us, because by the end of the series he’s not hiding it anymore – Apollo can’t promise Austin that they’ll spend more time together, even if they both survive. The uncertainty has nothing to do with the fact that they are currently facing death. Apollo makes it crystal clear.

Right after his triumphant return on Olympus, where he’s welcomed with full honors, he still doesn’t dare state plainly his desire to go back to visit his children and all the mortals who have helped him along the way. “I’ll visit some old friends,” he says, fully knowing how that will be interpreted, and silently accepts Dionysus’ contribution in muddying the waters even further.

I don’t say this to absolve him. It’s right of Apollo to acknowledge that he’s failed his children. That he should have tried more, and harder, to be there for them anyway. That he must try more and harder NOW. And he does. 

But none of the above addresses the Halcyon situation at all. The Halcyon situation is simply not the same. 

The closest the TOA narrative ever gets to forcing Apollo to tackle a comparable sort of issue is when it introduces Trophonius, the only other son of Apollo whom we see harbor any kind of resentment toward his father… but even in Trophonius’ case, Apollo is guilty of inaction, not of taking active, violent action against his son. 

Granted, there’s good reason to suspect that in Trophonius’s time the rules against divine intervention weren’t yet as strict as they are in the modern age, so Apollo does not have that excuse for his inaction there. And Apollo himself admits there was some sort of punitive intent on his part: he felt Trophonius “deserved to face the consequences” of his bad choices. But even considering all this… the Trophonius situation and the Halcyon situation are still light years apart in their substance.

Trophonius used the talent and the opportunities to make it shine that he’d gotten from his father (we can certainly add nepotism to the list of Apollo’s crimes) to fraud and rob his clients, and was left to deal on his own with the fallout of being discovered.

Halcyon was admonished by Apollo to never use the talent he’d inherited, and chose to disregard that admonition to save the life of a little girl. Something which by the way had zero negative consequences that we know of. For this, Apollo personally took it upon himself to actively punish him, by walling him up in his own house and cursing him to become the twisted instrument of death of countless innocent children for the rest of his days. 

The two above things… are not the same. 

One might even say the two above things stand in contradiction one with the other, but again that’s not the argument I’m making right now. My point is Apollo’s regret for refusing to help Trophonius and Agamethus can’t even begin to cover what Apollo did to Halcyon.

There is nothing in the whole of TOA that can be construed as even just… a viable proxy to at the very least obliquely address the Halcyon story, and what it implies about Apollo as a god, as a person, and as a parent.

And no, Apollo’s memory problems aren’t a good enough excuse for sidestepping this reckoning, because

that only works if we assume the Halcyon story is a single isolated incident and not representative of a pattern of behavior on Apollo’s part… which brings us right back to the idea that it’s actually OOC for Apollo to have done what Halcyon says he’s done to him. And

at the end of the series Apollo gets all of his godly brain power back. And what happens then? He condemns one final, definitive time Zeus’s and Nero’s treatment of their children without even so much as hinting that he himself has been guilty of exactly the same behavior in the past. Not even the distant past, but a few decades ago at most! 

Again I ask: doesn’t that fill you with rage? :))

And yet the narrative contract here explicitly requires us to buy into Apollo’s honesty of intentions. No, there is no guarantee that he will manage to keep his promises. There is no guarantee that from now on he will do everything right either. But we are supposed to at least believe that he WANTS to. At the end of the series, Apollo literally asks us to put our faith and trust in him. 

But how can we do that in the face of him choosing to never come clean about the Halcyon thing? 

We can’t.

So. Where am I going with this? Am I arguing that the novella should be expunged from canon after all? 

No, as stated in the title, I am not. There is a very simple way to reconcile the Halcyon novella with the story that is told in TOA, the Apollo that we hear about in the Halcyon novella with the Apollo we got to know in the 5 books that star him as both protagonist and narrator. All we need to do is let ourselves consider the possibility that Halcyon's punishment… was not Apollo's choice. 

Yes, Apollo was the one to enact it, there’s no doubt about that. But he wasn’t the one who came up with it. He wasn’t the one who wanted it.

And the clues are there.

All throughout the series, there is one character who is particularly fearful of prophecies. Who condemned Apollo to his own punishment at the end of HOO by citing as a reason that he'd been too quick to name a new Pythia who could speak the future into existence. Who could plausibly have taken issue with Halcyon’s one single act of interference specifically, because it might not look like it but Halcyon saving that little girl's life is the first domino falling in the long chain that will lead to Luke allying with Kronos, the second Titanomachy, and Olympus' stability being threatened thrice in less than a decade. The character whose personal symbols pop up in key moments of the story: the goat Amalthea, the aegis replica destined to Thalia, his own daughter. 

“Prophecies,” Apollo tells Meg in THO, rather vehemently, “are the catalysts for every important event—every quest or battle, disaster or miracle, birth or death. Prophecies don’t simply foretell the future. They shape it! They allow the future to happen.” 

Zeus takes this to mean that if he can just stop prophecies from being uttered he can prevent any problem from materializing. 

Frank looked at Zeus. ‘Um, sir, Your Majesty, can’t you gods just pop over there with us? You’ve got the chariots and the magic powers and whatnot.’

‘Yes!’ Hazel said. ‘We defeated the giants together in two seconds. Let’s all go –’

‘No,’ Zeus said flatly.

‘No?’ Jason asked. ‘But, Father –’

Zeus’s eyes sparked with power, and Jason realized he’d pushed his dad as far as he could for today … and maybe for the next few centuries.

‘That’s the problem with prophecies,’ Zeus growled. ‘When Apollo allowed the Prophecy of Seven to be spoken, and when Hera took it upon herself to interpret the words, the Fates wove the future in such a way that it had only so many possible outcomes, so many solutions. You seven, the demigods, are destined to defeat Gaia. We, the gods, cannot.’

According to Zeus, prophecies constrain the future. They lock people into a predetermined course of action, a predetermined outcome. They take away people’s ability to choose.

There’s a whole debate to be had on whether Zeus is right or not to think so – and a whole other debate to be had on top of that one on whether Zeus truly believes this is the case or just chooses to delude himself that it is because doing so absolves him of responsibility – but for the moment what matters is that Apollo disagrees with him. 

‘Zeus was already angry with me for appointing that new girl, Rachel Dare, as my Oracle. Zeus seems to think I hastened the war with Gaia by doing so, since Rachel issued the Prophecy of Seven as soon as I blessed her. But prophecy doesn’t work that way! [...]’

Apollo thinks of prophecy as a guide, not a prison. Ultimately, it’s still up to each individual to make their own choices:

“The only other person I’ve ever known to have this, er, firewood problem, back in the old days, was this prince named Meleager. His mom got the same kind of prophecy when he was a baby. But she never even told Meleager about the firewood. She just hid it and let him live his life. He grew up to be kind of a privileged, arrogant brat.”

Hazel held Frank’s hand with both of hers. “Frank could never be like that.”

“I know,” I said. “Anyway, Meleager ended up killing a bunch of his relatives. His mom was horrified. She went and found the piece of firewood and threw it in the fire. Boom. End of story.”

Hazel shuddered. “That’s horrible.”

“The point is, Frank’s family was honest with him. His grandmother told him the story of Juno’s visit. She let him carry his own lifeline. She didn’t try to protect him from the hard truth. That shaped who he is. [...] By burning his own tinder, he kind of…I don’t know, started a new fire with it. He’s in charge of his own destiny now. Well, as much as any of us are.

Apollo really believes in people’s right to make their own choices. He believes in people’s right to take responsibility for those choices too. But to be able to do that, people need to be informed. 

“Die,” I repeated.

“Yeah.”

“Not disappear, not wouldn’t come back, not suffer defeat.”

“Nope. Die. Or more accurately, three letters, starts with D.”

“Not dad, then,” I suggested. “Or dog.”

One fine blond eyebrow crept above the rim of his glasses. “If you seek out the emperor, one of you will dog? No, Apollo, the word was die.”

“Still, that could mean many things. It could mean a trip to the Underworld. It could mean a death such as Leo suffered, where you pop right back to life. It could mean—” 

“Now you’re being evasive,” [...] Jason’s stare was unrelenting. I suspected that in the weeks since his talk with Herophile, he had run every scenario. He was well past the bargaining stage in dealing with this prophecy. He had accepted that death meant death, the way Piper McLean had accepted that Oklahoma meant Oklahoma. I didn’t like that.

“Let’s assume you’re correct,” I said. “You didn’t tell Piper the truth because—?”

“You know what happened to her dad.” [...]

“Yes, but you can’t know how the prophecy will unfold.” [...]

Jason shrugged. “[...] I knew you’d be coming to find me. Herophile said so. If you’d just waited another week—”

“Then what?” I demanded. “You would’ve let us lead you cheerily off to your death? How would that have affected Piper’s peace of mind, once she found out?”

Jason’s ears reddened. It struck me just how young he was—no more than seventeen. [...] Despite all his experiences, was it fair of me to expect him to think logically, and consider everyone else’s feelings with perfect clarity, while pondering his own death? 

I tried to soften my tone. “You don’t want Piper to die. I understand that. She wouldn’t want you to die. But avoiding prophecies never works. And keeping secrets from friends, especially deadly secrets…that really never works. It’ll be our job to face Caligula together, steal that homicidal maniac’s shoes, and get away without any five-letter words that start with D.”

The scar ticked at the corner of Jason’s mouth. “Donut?”

It’s hard to say for sure how big a part did Jason’s resignation play in sealing his fate. This is not the time for that discussion anyway, but I think it’s important to make note of the fact that Apollo really, really did not like it. That Jason’s resignation is in fact what scared Apollo the most. 

I quoted the above passage almost in full because I think it exemplifies and summarizes better than almost anything Apollo’s views on prophecy.

Apollo thinks of prophecy as a beacon in the darkness. It spurs people into action. It lights up their way and pushes them forward, far from the safe stagnancy whose ultimate and truer expression is death (or immortality. But that too is a digression for another time). It doesn’t take away people’s choices: it gives them new ones.

It’s easy to forget, but Apollo is not just the god of prophecy; he is the god of knowledge and truth too. As much as he’s guilty of doing it himself, he does not actually believe in sticking your head in the sand. 

"I warned you," a new voice said. [...]

"You dare come here?" Hades growled. "I should blast you to dust!"

"You cannot," the girl said. "The power of Delphi protects me." [...]

"You've killed the woman I loved!" Hades roared. "Your prophecy brought us to this.'" He loomed over the girl, but she didn't flinch. 

"Zeus ordained the explosion to destroy the children," she said, "because you defied his will. I had nothing to do with it. And I did warn you to hide them sooner." [...]

"Perhaps I cannot bring back Maria. Nor can I bring you to an early death. But your soul is still mortal, and I can curse you."

All through the course of PJO, HOO and TOA we see Apollo’s oracle – his oracles plural, in fact: the Sibyl of Cumae and the Sibyl of Erythrae too in addition to the Pythia – share everything they know punctually and without fail. It’s their job to warn people about the future on Apollo’s behalf, despite the unwarranted backlash they get for it. Apollo himself is heavily implied to be the one who’s sending demigods their convenient prophetic dreams. And who else but Apollo could be the source of Octavian’s confidence that the Sibylline books had survived the fall of Rome, well before Percy, Hazel and Frank met Ella the harpy? 

In TOA, we see Apollo share all that he learns as soon as he learns it, with each and every one of the people he can count on his side. Even when he thinks it will be detrimental, even when he fears their reaction. He still tells them.

The only times we see Apollo be anything less than forthcoming, it’s to cover up the fact that he legitimately does not have the answer. This became extremely clear in TOA, but Percy, who’s much more intuitive than a lot of people give him credit for, had figured it out already in TTC:

"But it's your Oracle," I protested. "Can't you tell us what the prophecy means?" 

Apollo sighed. "You might as well ask an artist to explain his art, or ask a poet to explain his poem. It defeats the purpose. The meaning is only clear through the search." 

"In other words, you don't know."

Apollo checked his watch. "Ah, look at the time! I have to run. [...]"

So, here’s the million dollar question: why would Apollo be opposed to Hal doing the same thing he himself always does? Sharing Knowledge? Giving a little girl a choice, a chance to save herself? 

He wouldn’t. He is not the one who was against it. He is certainly not the one who wanted to see Hal punished for it.

This recontextualizes Halcyon’s words that “Apollo warned me to keep quiet,” because to speak about the future “would anger the gods.” This phrasing is not an indication of Apollo trying to shirk responsibility for the punishment he was threatening his son with. It’s the literal truth. Halcyon putting his powers to good use would anger the gods – not Apollo himself. Gods like Hades who cursed Apollo’s oracle for trying to warn him of imminent danger, or Zeus who stripped Apollo of his immortality for revealing a prophecy “prematurely”. Gods who should very much not be named lest they turn their attention to Apollo and his son.

In this light, I feel it’s pretty illuminating to look back on this line from THO, right out of Apollo’s own mouth:

How could I have been so foolish? Whenever I angered the other gods, those closest to me were struck down.

Of course, Zeus would have been perfectly capable of enacting the punishment himself, much like he'd done with Asclepius, but… with everything we know about Zeus’ parenting and ruling style after TOA… it’s not that hard to imagine he might have wanted to make a point here. It’s not hard to imagine that having to personally deliver the punishment to his own son might have been Apollo’s own punishment for his son’s transgression. 

Remember how many times Apollo likens Zeus to Nero? Wouldn’t it make a scary amount of sense for this to be a “Cassius, I’m rewarding you by letting you cut Luguselwa's hands” move on Zeus’ part?

Apollo, in my generosity, I allow you to give your son the horrible news yourself. 

And of course Apollo would have taken the offer. Of course he’d have accepted to take part in this sick game. What other choice did he have? Defying his father? Declaring war on the king of the gods? Should he have murdered some of Zeus’ favorite servants again? He’d done it for Asclepius, and still had not been able to win him a better deal than forever jail. Which, granted, would still have been a better deal than the one Halcyon got… provided that Apollo could achieve that kind of victory again. 

Something else to consider: Halcyon almost certainly wasn’t Apollo’s only child at the time. And if Apollo had more children, then those children undoubtedly would have become more targets for Zeus’ anger, had their father dared provoke it any further. 

Perhaps Apollo should have taken the risk. Perhaps Apollo chose wrong. But there was no path for him to choose that would not lead to the slaughter of innocents. 

At least, this way, Apollo could see and speak to Hal one last time. This way, he could leave his son with a promise that his punishment would come to an end. 

Because it’s obvious, from Halcyon’s account of his father’s words and actions, that Apollo had foreseen that Luke and Thalia would be the ones to break the curse, and that Hal would be able to escape his misery by dying to save the life of Zeus’ daughter, and therefore had taken care to set up the means for that potential future to be realized. 

The book containing the recipe for greek fire, that Hal was strangely confident they would find on his bookshelves. 

The safe containing the aegis replica, an item befitting Zeus’ progeny, that only a son of Hermes could successfully open, and that Hal remembers Apollo telling him “was sealed since before [Hal] was born”. Who could have done that, and why, if not Apollo so that Thalia could eventually take rightful ownership of it? 

I’d dare suggest, even, that Apollo might have been the one who sent the goat, with the precise intention of luring Thalia and Luke into the trap, knowing that they would make it out thanks to Hal’s sacrifice, with a gift such to ensure that Thalia’s divine father would have no reason to object to the final outcome of Apollo's gamble, and every incentive to overlook how it had been orchestrated. 

But of course Apollo would never tell his son “I had no choice” because WHEN DOES HE EVER. Five books and WE are the only souls he’s actually confessed being an abuse victim to, and even to us he’s given zero details. He never makes excuses for himself. He doesn’t think it matters that he could. He holds himself responsible anyway. 

He believes that he must, because his father never does.

‘I know you think your punishment was harsh, Apollo.’

I did not answer. I tried my best to keep my expression polite and neutral.

‘But you must understand,’ Zeus continued, ‘only you could have overthrown Python. Only you could have freed the Oracles. And you did it, as I expected. The suffering, the pain along the way… regrettable, but necessary [...].’

I had no choice, is Zeus’ constant refrain. I can’t help you, he tells the demigods. “You did not ask for this,” he tells Jason. “I did not want it.” And yet who could have forced the hand of the king of the gods?

He tells his son “I can’t praise you.” He tells him “I can’t give you credit.” He says “someone must take the blame.” He says “it’s the lightning bolt that hurt you.” He says “you must understand. It was necessary. I had no choice.” 

So Apollo refuses to claim the words for himself, even if they are true.

It’s very noble, but also incredibly misguided. It’s the root of all the communication problems he has with his children. The reason why he can’t bring himself to answer Will, and Kayla, and Austin, when they try to tell him that they want him in their lives, not just once or twice, but always, every day. Even they, who know they are loved, have absolutely no idea how much. 

“Maybe Apollo meant we’re going to rescue you,” Thalia said.

Hal typed a new sentence: Or maybe I die today.

“Thank you, Mr. Cheerful,” I said. “I thought you could tell the future. You don’t know what will happen?”

Hal typed: I can’t look. It’s too dangerous. You can see what happened to me last time I tried to use my powers.

“Sure,” I grumbled. “Don’t take the risk. You might mess up this nice life you’ve got here.”

I knew that was mean. But the old man’s cowardice annoyed me. He’d let the gods use him as a punching bag for too long. It was time he fought back, preferably before Thalia and I became the leucrotae’s next meal.

Hal lowered his head. His chest was shaking, and I realized he was crying silently.

When Luke and Thalia meet him at the beginning of the tale, Halcyon is resigned to his fate, and terrified that if he tries to fight it he'll be punished even worse, somehow. He's lost all faith in his father's judgment, and, if he ever had any, in his father's promise of freedom too. He's surrendered to utter despair. He resists Luke's demands that he do something, anything, to help both them and himself. 

Then Luke manages to open the safe, and Hal begins to realize that… maybe… just maybe... there’s a possibility that his father had not lied to him. 

Hal showed us the short novel he’d written: You’re the ones!! You actually got the treasure!! I can’t believe it!! That safe has been sealed since before I was born!! Apollo told me my curse would end when the owner of the treasure claimed it!! If you’re the owner—

He's still terrified. He struggles to let himself dare hope. But eventually he finds the courage to do the right thing once again: use his talent to save the life of these kids who don't deserve to die. 

He reads Thalia's future. 

And then he reads Luke's.

I could feel Hal’s pulse in my fingers—one, two, three.

His eyes flew open. He yanked his hands away and stared at me in terror.

“Okay,” I said. My tongue felt like sandpaper. “I’m guessing you didn’t see anything good.”

It’s in that moment, as he finds himself in the exact same position his father Apollo had once been, seeing the terrible tragedy in this child’s future that he knows, in spite of his best efforts, he won’t be able to avert… It’s in that moment that Hal finally understands. 

Hal picked up his green leather diary. He gestured for me to follow him. We walked to the closet doorway, where Hal took a pen from his jacket and flipped through the book. I saw pages and pages of neat, cramped handwriting. Finally Hal found an empty page and scribbled something.

He handed the book to me.

The note read, Luke, I want you to take this diary. It has my predictions, my notes about the future, my thoughts about where I went wrong. I think it might help you.

I shook my head. “Hal, this is yours. Keep it.”

He took back the book and wrote, You have an important future. Your choices will change the world. You can learn from my mistakes, continue the diary. It might help you with your decisions.

“What decisions?” I asked. “What did you see that scared you so badly?”

His pen hovered over the page for a long time. I think I finally understand why I was cursed, he wrote. Apollo was right. Sometimes the future really is better left a mystery.

“Hal, your father was a jerk. You didn’t deserve—”

Hal tapped the page insistently. 

We are not made privy to Hal’s thought processes in detail. Apollo was right, he writes, and he bristles when Luke tries to protest that notion. He taps the page insistently. What is he trying to communicate? Surely he can’t think that Apollo was right to warn him off of trying to use his gift to save people? 

Especially because… Halcyon is at this very moment once again defying fate to try and save someone. He is at this very moment trying to save Luke from the terrible future he’s seen. 

He knows he doesn’t know enough. He knows he can’t tell Luke what to do. Luke will have to make his own choices. But Hal can make sure those choices will be as informed as possible. Hal wants to give him a chance. He wants to give him hope, something to hang onto when he will be tried. He wants to give Luke what his father had given him. 

Because Hal understands now. Not everything, of course, no. He, and Luke and Thalia too, are still missing the most important pieces of the puzzle. But, clearly, Hal understands enough. Enough to make peace in his heart with his father. Enough to trust that he will get the release his father had promised him in death. Enough to die with a prayer in honor of his father on his lips, quite literally dedicating his heroic sacrifice to him. 

I heard Halcyon Green, shouting a battle cry: “For Apollo!” 

We have no idea what kind of relationship Hal and Apollo had once upon a time. We don’t know what the tone of Hal and Apollo’s last conversation was. Did Apollo allow his heartbreak to show on his face? Did he tell Hal how sorry he was? 

Certainly, he would not have blamed Zeus, and he would not have tried to exculpate himself. Which is why Halcyon still ultimately thinks this was Apollo's decision. 

And yet, something peculiar happens when Hal narrates his conversations with Apollo. "My father warned me," he says, "my father cursed me". But in between those we get "then the gods set the leucrotae to guard me". The gods. There’s that phrasing again. And it does make me wonder... is this how Apollo presented the whole thing to Hal? Are these Apollo’s own words? 

I have to say, I really can see it. This is the will of the gods, Apollo would have said, and just... never specified but NOT MINE. Because he felt that he had no right to Hal’s understanding, let alone Hal’s forgiveness. 

Did Hal pick up on that subconsciously anyway?

We don’t know what kind of relationship Hal and Apollo had once upon a time. We know, because Hal tells us, that Hal had faithfully heeded his father’s warning, until the day he met that little girl, and found that his conscience would not allow him to let her die. We know that in the end Hal forgave his father. That Hal, in his last seconds of life, took comfort in his father’s name.

Why would Hal do such a 180 on Apollo in such a short amount of time? Just based on the realization that Apollo had indeed foreseen all this, and prepared accordingly? Because of what he’d seen when he looked into Luke’s future? It’s a hell of a leap from “Apollo can’t punish me any worse than he already has” to “Apollo was right”, and one that really there’s no way to make logical sense of… unless Hal had just been waiting for an excuse, any excuse, to reconcile himself with the memory of his father. Unless, all this time, Hal had wished nothing more than to be able to believe in his father again.

We don’t know what kind of relationship Hal and Apollo had once upon a time. But Hal’s change of heart, and his behavior leading up to his end, would seem to suggest rather a good one. Not too dissimilar, perhaps, from the one Apollo shares with his kids in the present.

Or perhaps Hal was just scared and desperate as he readied himself to die, and grasping for straws because straws were all he got. For all we know, that’s possible too.

But that is not how Hal appears to Luke in his last moments. 

He met my eyes, and I finally understood what he was planning. “Don’t,” I said. “We can all make it out.” Hal pursed his lips. He wrote, We both know that’s impossible. I can communicate with the leucrotae. I am the logical choice for bait. You and Thalia wait in the closet. I’ll lure the monsters into the bathroom. I’ll buy you a few seconds to reach the exit panel before I set off the explosion. It’s the only way you’ll have time.

“No,” I said.

But his expression was grim and determined. He didn’t look like a cowardly old man anymore. He looked like a demigod, ready to go out fighting.

I couldn’t believe he was offering to sacrifice his life for two kids he’d just met, especially after he’d suffered for so many years. And yet, I didn’t need pen and paper to see what he was thinking. This was his chance at redemption. He would do one last heroic thing, and his curse would end today, just as Apollo had foreseen.

He scribbled something and handed me the diary. The last word read: Promise.

I took a deep breath, and closed the book. “Yeah. I promise.”

In his last moments, Hal is full of dignity and hope. He finally finds the courage to stand up tall and proud of himself again. I feel it would be doing Hal a disservice to assume that, in those last moments, his renewed faith in his father was grounded in delusion rather than truth.

What was he trying to communicate to Luke in their last exchange? What did he think Luke could learn from his diary? What is the promise that he asked Luke to make? We’ll never know. Luke chooses to not tell us. 

Luke chooses to erase Hal’s last words to him from the narrative, and substitute his own. 

I couldn’t shake my grief.

Promise, Halcyon Green had written.

I promise, Hal, I thought. I will learn from your mistakes. If the gods ever treat me that badly, I will fight back.

There’s a lot to be said about the way Halcyon and Luke influence each other in opposite directions. About the way Halcyon’s death and Luke’s death mirror each other. About the way Halcyon’s relationship with Apollo mirrors Luke’s relationship with Hermes. I know @tsarinatorment has excellent thoughts re: this, and not only this, that I hope she will share.

But for now this is already long enough, and so to bring us back to my original point… No, the Halcyon story, taken as it is, does not gel with TOA at all. But once you dig just a little deeper under the surface of it… I’d dare say it becomes impossible to rule it out of canon, because it fits too well within canon. It fills in the narrative blanks left by Apollo, who never tells us the details of Zeus’ abuse, and therefore… never tells us about Hal. 

To tell us about Hal would require Apollo to admit that he had no choice. No good ones at least. It would require Apollo to admit that he’s not at fault. 

But how can he not be at fault? He literally did do this. It was his words that cursed his son. His hands that delivered the instruments of torture.

So Apollo doesn’t talk about Halcyon. But when he calls himself a terrible father, when he berates himself for his failures as a parent, as a person, as a god, you bet he’s holding himself responsible for Halcyon too.

And in this light it’s interesting, I think, to note that despite how Apollo feels re: prophecy there are no known present day children of Apollo who possess the power to look into the future. There’s only Octavian, who is a legacy, and whose gift is implied to have been passed down his family line, and perhaps Georgina, who is in all likelihood a legacy too, possibly even descended from a different branch of Octavian’s family.

We know from Hephaestus that sometimes gods can choose to suppress the transmission of a specific ability to their children. Hephaestus did it with fire, and I don’t think it’s farfetched to imagine Apollo would have chosen to do it with prophecy after Halcyon. Again I know Tsari has given this far more thought than I have, so I pass the metaphorical mic to her.

Finally, I want to talk about how this whole novella is basically a concentrated allegory of TOA, featuring Halcyon as a stand-in for Apollo himself. Forever trapped in his childhood home full of monsters who have stolen and perverted his voice, and that he can never escape because they are inextricably tied to him, and him to them. Punished for the crime of having a functioning moral compass and having chosen to follow it, and after years of death & tragedy that are framed as a direct result of that choice... he has almost completely internalized the idea that he might actually have been in the wrong. He's surrendered. He’s not only accepted the slaughter but has even become complicit in it. He’s become a monster himself.

And then we get Thalia & Luke who are a stand in for all the people Apollo bonds with on his journey, who give him hope again, who reaffirm his conviction that there IS, there HAS TO BE a better way, and reignite his will to fight. After all, he realizes, what does he have left to lose?

I turned my face to the sky. “If you want to punish me, Father, be my guest, but have the courage to hurt me directly, not my mortal companion. BE A MAN!”

To me this novella absolutely reads like a first outline of the TOA series that Rick might have later decided to flesh out and expand upon. The core themes, the central ideas are all in there.

But Halcyon can only find redemption through death. The narrative denies him the chance to survive and do better. He’s only a man, and for him the odds are impossible. He dies thinking that on some level he deserves it – he brought this on himself. He dies still thinking that maybe he was wrong to save that little girl's life.

I wonder if in the first draft of TOA Apollo was meant to die at the end like Halcyon did. In a way he did die, in fact. But he’s a god, and for a god no odds are impossible. So Apollo is reborn through the power that he finally allowed himself to reclaim, because he finally has learned to believe that he was right to want to use it. He was right to want to help people. He was right. He learns the lesson that Halcyon never could. He is afforded the opportunity to keep trying. 

[impawsiblecat]

100 Days of Deathduo

Day 8- Breath of the Wild au

This one is a bit shorter! Mostly just setting up a few things, highlighting the differences between this au and the backstory of botw <3 I still like it though and botw is one of my favorites

    Icee does not like their knight. They feel bad about it, terrible, in fact, but the knight is just there, constantly, a reminder that Icee’s life is different now, is not going how it’s supposed to go. She stands, guarding the door to Icee’s room, the room in the castle that Icee now lives in. Apparently, being announced as a Prophet who is destined to save the world does that. And yet, despite apparently being the one chosen to hold Sun God’s power, Icee just feels normal.

    They don’t have powers. They are convinced its a scam. And yet, Icee is being signed up to go on spiritual journeys and meditate for hours on end. They are given a room in a castle, and books on the previous chosen of the Sun God, and even the decorations are chosen carefully, tapestries showing old battles with a glowing light in the center and a rug in the shape of the triforce on the floor.

    The worst part is that Icee is trying. Icee has been trying so hard the past few months to get even the slightest spark, the smallest amount of holy power running through their veins, a hope for the world. They are trying harder than they ever have before, praying from dawn until dusk, meals spent poring over dusty books. And yet, it is still not enough.

    And then in comes the knight, who had just been discovered. The rumours say that she stumbled across the sacred forest and was led through by destiny. They say she pulled the sword out with extreme ease. They say that she had never touched a weapon before the forest, and yet now she was beating even the most experienced and powerful of knights. If only Icee’s destiny was that easy. They don’t know if the rumours are true. They haven’t asked.

    There’s something coming on the horizon, and everyone knows it, can sense it in the air. The legends say that the Prophet and the Knight need to work together to defeat it. The legends also seem to have lied about Icee’s own abilities. They aren’t even a prophet. Just a person, taken from home and expected to awaken the powers of an ancient being. 

    Icee misses so many things. She misses the ocean by her little seaside village, the seafood paella made by the old lady two huts down, and she misses being dunked into the water by her brother, or collecting seashells with her sister. And yet she knows, she can’t go back. She has a destiny to fulfill. There won’t be any of that if she doesn’t manage to do what she is supposed to do.

    Icee has to meet with the king again soon. They have to give a progress report that will be the same as all of the other ones, and the king will be upset, and they will have to look into the eyes of a man trying to do the best he can for his kingdom and family and say that they are not yet good enough. And the king will have no choice but to accept it, even as the looming doom draws closer. In response, Icee will try even harder, even though it already feels like they are at their limit.

    Icee sighs, and looks at the knight outside their door, the knight who had it so easy. The knight doesn’t look back at her, just stares straight ahead, silent, ready to protect them from any threats. Because Icee wasn’t strong enough to protect themself, not strong enough to do anything. It is terrible, awful, and they selfishly wish it was someone else chosen for this duty. They curse themself for the thought immediately after.

    She turns away, scowling at the knight, and realizes the sun is about to setting. She sits down on the floor, in the middle of her tri-force rug, and start to settle into the incantations taught. She tries to put all of her belief and hope into the prayers, all of her effort, in hopes that today will be the day she fulfills the duty that she is supposed to.

    Nothing happens. It never does. She keeps praying anyways, in hopes that soon, it will work.

[bro-atz]

1024UB CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME

word count: 2.4k

table of contents ♤ previous chapter ♤ next chapter

San was doing his best. He was really trying to get his head into the dates. He wanted to enjoy his dates with Iseul, but every time they went out, San just spaced out. No matter what they were doing, San felt absolutely nothing. No butterflies, no anxiety, no excitement— nothing. It wasn’t that Iseul repulsed him or anything, but he felt like he was forcing himself to enjoy the dates. He liked the dates, but it just didn’t feel right with Iseul. He wondered if there was something wrong with him. Did he lose the ability to have feelings? He didn’t feel numb, but he didn’t feel mentally present.

He couldn’t help but think if he was lying to himself when he had that crush on Iseul. He thought to how he felt when he first had a crush on her, but it must’ve been so long ago because he just couldn’t remember any of it. He would look at her face and think about how objectively pretty she was, but his heart would not beat faster. His heart was pretty static.

Was he lying when he told Iseul he liked her? Was he lying to himself about liking anyone? Was he the group sociopath destined to never love anyone? He overthought everything about himself and his life on his dates with Iseul. For instance, he was on his third date with her, and his mind was anywhere but there.

They were at a coffee shop— not Ze Cafe as they were still testing the waters with their relationship— to get coffee and chat. That should have been simple for him. It was just grabbing coffee and talking; but no, he overcomplicated it. He tried to make this seem like a bigger deal than it was. It was a date for crying out loud. There should have been more feelings than his annoyance at his overthinking.

She was pretty much talking for the two of them while his brain was somewhere in the clouds. What happened to the way he liked her voice? The little laugh she had at the end of every joke? San was thinking about the girl in front of him but he couldn’t even hold onto any of the things she brought up— he knows that she said something about the lab, Yunho, Gyuri— wait, Gyuri?

“Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t catch it,” he asked her.

“I could tell you weren’t,” she responded with a sigh. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, why?”

“You spaced out. Tell me what’s wrong,” she put her hand on his.

Normally, the places she touched would tingle and he would feel like he was burning up under her touch. Nothing happened when she touched him this time, or the past two dates, or even when he confessed.

“You’re spacing out again,” she sighed.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I’ve just been stressed with classes—”

“Choi San, don’t lie to me.”

San was completely taken aback. He looked at her, his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised. He couldn’t really decipher the look on her face— she wasn’t angry, but she looked stern, like she was a teacher and he was failing class.

“I just want you to honestly tell me what’s going on,” she said softly, her hand no longer resting on his.

“Nothing’s going on…”

Iseul sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “San, we may have only gone on three dates, but we’ve been friends for a long time before that. You’re not acting like yourself. You keep spacing out, and not just today, but the other two times we went out, too. When you told me you liked me, it didn’t feel like you were saying it.”

“What do you mean? Of course I was the one who said it. Who else was there last night?”

“Why did you take that literally—” Iseul cut herself off to stifle a laugh. “I meant it sounded like you were saying it with your head, not your heart.”

The best way San could describe himself in that moment was the spinning Mr. Krabs meme. Iseul really hit the nail on the head. He’d been overthinking literally everything, even this. How did she know him so well? She knew him better than he knew himself, and he also barely knew anything about her. You would think that he would know her after being friends with her for almost four years, but clearly, that was not the case. Why didn’t he know anything about her? What the hell was wrong with him?

“Oy, Earth to San,” she waved in his face and snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts once more.

“Sorry…”

“I’m not mad, San. I just want to know what’s going on so I can help you. Be honest with me.”

“Honestly? …Honestly I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Clearly— I mean, huh?” Iseul caught herself.

San looked at her skeptically before continuing. “It’s true that I did like you, like I had a crush on you. I liked you for so long, too, but I think after Bora came into the picture, things changed.”

“How did Bora change how you feel about me…? Oh my God, don’t tell me you like Bora!”

“What?! No!”

“Then why’d you bring her up?” Iseul looked completely and utterly confused.

“Timeline wise! I can’t tell you what month and day it was that things shifted because I honestly don’t know when they did, but what I do know is that post-Bora, my heart changed before my brain did, which is why I keep overthinking everything,” San explained to the best of his ability.

Then, the weirdest thing happened: Iseul smiled at him. He basically admitted to her that he had no feelings for her, and here she was smiling? It was so weird, until she said, “You have no idea how happy I am that you’re being honest with me.”

“Why do you say that?” San was trying really hard to not be weirded out.

“I feel like I’m finally talking to the San I knew again. The past three dates, I felt like I was dating some random guy, not someone I knew. It was so weird, and a little uncomfortable.”

That made sense to San, but he still responded, “Ow, okay.”

“No, no, I’m not calling you weird or uncomfortable! I’m saying that if a relationship is supposed to work out, then the beginning of it shouldn’t feel like a giant question mark. You should be able to be in the moment, not somewhere off in la la land.”

For the first time in a while, San felt his emotions return. Everything made sense for him. He was forcing himself to go on these dates because liking Iseul was all he thought he knew. Relief overcame him, and he actually smiled. It wasn’t a forced smile or anything, either; he was genuinely smiling. Things were starting to fall into place.

“Iseul, I love you.”

“…Romantically or platonically?”

“Platonically. You really, wow, just… the words aren’t coming to me right now, but thank you. You are such an amazing person, and I’m so glad I got the chance to have a crush on you and go on dates with you. You’re right, though. It’s not fair to either of us if we force ourselves to be in this relationship.”

“I’m glad I could help!”

The two smiled at each other, and there was a brief wave of relief that seemed to overcome both of them. Then, San suddenly realized, “Wait, I hope you’re okay. I’m sorry I can’t feel the same way—”

“Don’t worry. I didn’t catch feelings like that, especially because of how detached you were,” Iseul laughed. Still, her laugh didn’t make his heart fly like it used to, but it did make him happy.

The two shared a couple more laughs before leaving the coffee shop. They were going to head back to 1024UB together, but Iseul got a phone call from Yunho saying he fucked up the control group data or something like that. Iseul huffed as she said bye to San and ran away to the lab. San took a deep breath— he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He couldn’t help but have a skip in his step as he went back to 1024UB.

He did the craziest thing on his way back— he realized he hadn’t talked to Gyuri properly in a couple weeks, especially after he started going out with Iseul. He thought back to the night Gyuri got really drunk and cried for Seonghwa in his arms. He thought about how he felt, and he felt his chest tighten. Deep down, he knew that he was starting to feel different about Gyuri, but he didn’t know what kind of feelings those were until he talked to Iseul. So, he decided to call Gyuri to catch up on conversations and intimacy. Kissing Iseul didn’t do it for him, but the thought of kissing Gyuri? He could feel his blood rush through his body.

The phone rang twice before she picked up. San could hear Gyuri panting, which honesty alarmed him— he didn’t think Gyuri would pick up in the middle of having sex, but the noise on her end made him think she was.

“Hello?” she answered breathlessly.

“Hey, what are you up to right now?”

“I’m at the gym.”

Relief washed through his body. Thank God— but why was he thanking God? For the fact that she didn’t pick up in the middle of sex or that she wasn’t having sex with someone else? San shook his head to stop himself from overthinking again. “Oh…” he felt so stupid with that response.

“Why’d you call? I thought you were on a date with Iseul?”

“Yunho fucked something up again,” technically he wasn’t lying to her; he was only telling her part of the truth.

“Of course he did.”

“Anyway, meet me on the roof when you’re done. I want to start a new anime,” he said, hoping she’d get the hint.

The line was quiet for a second— he couldn’t even hear her breathing. “…Okay. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way up there.”

“Okay. See you.”

“Bye.”

San didn’t run home, but he did walk a little faster than usual. He got home and considered changing. He wasn’t wearing anything particularly fancy, just a standard “boyfriend look” with an oversized tee and ripped jeans. His hair was styled a little, though, so he messed it up a little while looking in the mirror. He could physically feel his heart beating in his chest. San was definitely putting in a little more effort for Gyuri than he had for Iseul. Right before leaving his apartment, he grabbed a couple of soju bottles, then he made his way up to the roof.

There was a cool breeze in the air when he got to the roof. He set the bottles on a table and sat on that table as he waited for Gyuri. He didn’t know how long she was going to take, nor did he really care. As long as she was going to meet him on the roof, he was fine. He sat and stared at the stars for God knows how long— he didn’t want to check his phone. He didn’t want to see if Gyuri texted him.

San heard the door to the roof open. He turned to see Gyuri standing there with her hair slightly wet. She was wearing bike shorts and a long sleeve shirt, something so minimal, but she looked amazing to him at that moment. San hopped off the table and walked towards her as she stood there mildly confused.

“Hey, what happened? Why did you…” she trailed off as he got closer.

He pinned her against the door and locked it, his eyes gazing into hers. His heart was beating faster by the second, and a small smile crept onto his face as one hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her in, the other cupping her face softly. He brought his lips to hers slowly, tenderly; and he felt it. The butterflies swarmed through his stomach all the way up to his chest. He couldn’t stop kissing her— he didn’t want to stop. He wanted this feeling to last for as long as possible. He wanted her to make him feel like the world was rotating too fast and that he had to hold onto her to keep steady.

He pulled away, leaving Gyuri speechless. She tried to get a word out, but San didn’t give her the opportunity to let her speak. He wanted to hear her voice, yes, but not yet. All he wanted was her pressed against him. He never lost his feelings— he just left them with Gyuri after that night she cried in his arms, after he saw her at her most vulnerable. He tried to deny his feelings by dating Iseul, but that was never going to work. Now, he was just mad that he wasted all that time ignoring how he really felt.

San didn’t dare say a word to her about his feelings, though. He just kept kissing her, the same way she had that night. He was happy that she was kissing back, that her hands were pressed against his chest and the back of his neck. Every moment that he took a second to let the two of them breathe, she would try to talk, and he would interrupt her with a chain of kisses.

During one of those chains, he carried her to the turfed area on the roof and laid her down gently. He hovered above her and looked at her, taking every part of her in. It was Gyuri. It was definitely Gyuri.

“San, wh—”

He interrupted her with another kiss. “Don’t say anything.”

Without a second to waste, San’s lips trailed down her neck, leaving light kisses as he went. His impatient hands pulled her shirt off and slipped her pants off, leaving her wearing only her underwear. Her face was bright red as he kept exploring her body like he’d never explored it before. He loved the look on her face. It only made his heart beat faster.

Just as he requested, Gyuri didn’t utter another word, and she also suppressed her moans as San had his way with her on the roof, the stars shining brightly above them.

table of contents ♤ previous chapter ♤ next chapter

1024UB tag list: @dalsuwaha @eyeryis @choisanswifexo @haebaragisworld @dazzlingstarrs @hongjoongswifefr @yjpumas @my-lightspirit

network: @cromernet

apply here to be part of the taglist!

[thesamoanqueen]

Blackwater II

Raiting: 18+

Warnings: Omegaverse (AlphaRoman/ Y-NOmega); Bit of smutt; errors after errors after errors after errors after errors...

A/N: Second chapter and... what to say? Roman is a bit tough, my girl is a brat and I hope I've cleared up a few points about the setting/AU inside the story. And now I go.

Couples like them, destined from birth, were rare. Everyone was born with their own half somewhere, few or almost none were able to complete themselves. There were those who gave up looking for their mate, soon or after years, too much effort and a world too big to control in a single life; there were those who unfortunately found it late; those who remained alone hoping without success until the last moment; who tragically lost him without having had time to recognize him or even cross his path. Most people simply chose someone else, fell in love - so they said -, became fond of or satisfied with a similar smell, but not the same, and hopefully, they lived a normal life away from those who had been destined for them. Roman knew this cause he had been on the verge of doing it himself, carrying on for years until they both realized that something, albeit imperceptible, was missing. It was not the romantic concept of love that movies and teens in hormonal crisis described, it was something indefinite that no one was really able to explain, something that boomed in the bones and sank where their roots were now crumbling.

In the world, people had lost almost all contact with what they had been. The laws on designated mates remained, a legacy of past times and in the packs where their nature was still felt, as in his, an event like that represented everything. Once the right was claimed it was celebrated, because from those unions everyone expected complicity, harmony, well-being in the pack, stronger puppies and with a better bloodline for the future.

Roman, moreover, was the Alpha and what he would leave, would open the way for others, yet he was sitting there on that chair looking at her, without touching her, after forbidding his cousins and the Wise man to give the announcement to the Elders. The doctor had confirmed everything as soon as he had brought her into the house, after having checked the back of her neck where she had bumped into the wall of the cottage at the campsite and although Roman already knew it, despite feeling it in his guts, that last confirmation had put him on an adrenaline rush he couldn't get over.

She was his. For him and just him. She was made especially for him, printed on his skin from birth with that flower on his wrist, around which he had inked his entire tattoo... and she had kept him away as soon as they saw each other. They didn't know each other, they had never met, it was true, but that same bond that had pushed them to recognize each other through an entire forest should have pushed her to want him too, or so he thought. But instead she had even tried to leave, his wolf had felt it, his muscles burning in the haste to reach her, not to lose what was the opportunity of a lifetime.

The imperceptible movement of the blankets around her legs caught the attention of both and even worse made her short cry that escaped her cause of her head, while she woke up. Muscles tensed, the whole body ready to spring to reach her and do who knows what later. He saw her rub her face against the pillow looking for comfort and inspire with a little relief, it was his bed, it smelled of him and the Omega that was inside her could smell it. When she finally opened her eyes, a shiver shook his bones, his jaw clenching and his lungs heavy with her sweet scent. She looked at him in silence, studying him motionless from the bed and only after what seemed like endless seconds to Roman, she moved, slowly sitting up.

- God, you're... - she began, running a hand over her face before moving curl behind her ear and his wolf waved like a puppy, just hearing her voice - ... ah, why am I not surprised? I must have killed someone in my previous life. - she snorted in exasperation.

- What would that mean? - he asked, frowning and her eyes leapt to him.

Wasn't she happy? What was that feeling that he felt on her? Turmoil?

For a moment she looked him up and down, like she almost didn't expect to hear him answer, but it took her short time to raise her guard, now fully awake and her hands came off the bed, pointing slowly to the room where they were.

- What does this mean? - she sent back to him and Roman shrugged.

- You omegas, need this. A nest that makes you feel safe.

The wise man had taken care of it at his request as soon as they had brought her there, adding to his bedroom every kind of comfort suitable for the situation: blankets, rugs, pillows, he had even changed the lights of the lamps, but without altering the environment too much for her to instinctively recognize him. The omegas were more sensitive to that kind of thing in intimacy, especially when they went into heat or were in a stressful situation. They were basic preparations, but for some strange reason that idea seemed not to go down to her as much as the fact that they had met as it was destined to happen.

A short, bitter laugh shook her thin shoulders as she stared at the ceiling in disbelief, then pointed at the door, deliberately avoiding looking at him. Her legs, long and perfect, resting on the edge of bed and the shirt that rose dangerously. Every movement, albeit imperceptible in her body, magnetized his eyes without her even straining, the tension suddenly palpable even though he had chosen to take it easy.

- First of all, Im Y/N, not a pet and you don't know me as I don't know you.

No, he didnt know the human part of her, but inside ... inside her, it was a whole other story and the visceral desire that was making his skin vibrate just seeing her there, in front of him, was the confirmation.

- I can keep safe myself… without a nest full of pillows… as I had been doing for years before you came running from the forest. You should know since I was knocking you out last night. - she attacked him with an incredibly calm voice, evidently offended by his treatment and although she had said it as someone talking to a puppy, Roman didnt miss the offence with which she had held the place.

That was an absolute news and although part of him had felt sincere irritation for that allusion, for that falsely condescending tone, there was another that found that challenge exciting. Anyone else in her place would have his teeth sunk into their neck by now, but she… he could give her some freedom. She didnt yet know her limits, she didnt know how to behave and obviously they had to test the ground before. She was resourceful.

- Is this what you were trying to do? Thats sweet. - Roman laughed, crossing his arms on his chest as he looked at her and she eyed him for the umpteenth time, unperturbed.

- I wasn't tryin, I got you. Fair and square, y’know it.

- I know I wasnt fight and you still failed in the feat.

- Sure? I think I heard someone growl… and yelp for a kick. - she sank, the corner of her plump lips curving slightly into a smile and Roman bowed his head with a low sound.

He liked that she already knew how to keep up with him, but hearing her speak of weakness to his wolf didnt like, even if she was doing it and for fun. He hadn't marked her yet, she didn't smell like him except of the bed she'd slept on and she didn't seem at all willing to lower her head. As funny as it was, she was actually disrespectful at the time, but he understood that. Out there it was full of alphas reduced to the shadow of themselves, big men who were wearing themselves out in the gym and couldnt stand half a fight. The world was homologating, betas were now everywhere and borders were blending, allowing more freedom than was tolerable. She would have learned.

- You like to be the big girl, hm? Never seen a real alpha in your life. - he studied her, placing his arms on knees and for a faint second Y/N staggered.

Her legs squeezed together, imperceptible, protecting what her instincts felt most vulnerable at the moment, fingers buried in the soft blankets and shoulders stiff, while Roman inspired the trace of her scent, the muscles tense and hands closed together.

Mate. Good. Smell so good.

He saw her straighten up at the sound of his throat vibrating with hunger, her gaze glacial suddenly and a serious expression. She was raising her guard again, like he was a threat, like she wanted to keep him away. She should have slackened, lowered her head with him, but it was evident that her human part had other ideas about the balance that existed between an alpha and his designated omega.

- It's weird to say, but you're right. Never met one. Only big dogs. - she spat at him in offense and his wolf growled to put her back in line, trying to crush that umpteenth stance.

Bad, bad ideas that she would have regretted that step. And they were already running without him really wanting it. His wolf didnt like that game and her words began to weigh on him too.

- You better learn to shut that pretty mouth before i put it to work, babygirl. Trust me.

- Should I be the one to learn? You put me on a nest cause Im supposed to be your little sub - Y/N accused him, ignoring his warning and Roman squeezed his fingers together, his jaw clenching until his teeth gritted.

He was trying hard, he was trying hard to stay in control, to take it slow, but it wasn't supposed to be like that. He didn't have a bed warmer in front of him, that wasn't a replacement to release tension or let off some steam that was complaining more than necessary, with her it had to be different. She should have understood his intentions, she should have shown complicity and instead she was doing everything to make him tense. She was refusing to be what she should have been and she was also reproaching him as if it were his fault. And at that point it didn't matter if she was still testing the waters or for all the shit that was out there, no one had taught her to behave as she should, allowing her certain fantasies. She had to get back in line.

- Im your alpha. - he reminded her seriously and Y/N nodded ironically.

- This is worth seeing.

And that was when Roman snapped. Without warning, without checking himself, blood pumping furiously through his veins and his muscles contracted with anger. In his mind only the wolf's voice growling to submitt her and re-establish the roles they should have had from the beginning.

- There’s nothing to see. It's confirmed, your my mate! Mine!

He could tolerate and enjoy even all that talking, but she belonged to him, it wasnt a choice and the sooner she would have learned it the better it would have been for them.

A sudden, uncontrolled motion of discomfort hit him in full as he rose to tower over her, her scent changing, her pupils trembling as they stared at him. He saw her turn completely to keep an eye on him, one leg already resting on the ground ready to put space between them.

Mine. Mine. Mate. Mine.

The growl inside his head continued to echo in his ears, his bones creaking from the accumulated tension and heavy air around him. Someone spoke to him, perhaps someone in the pack through their contact, a distorted voice that he could neither hear nor recognize due to the agitation of his wolf shuddering to come out, to have total control and prove his role, its dominance. Y/N slowly got up, her body still emanating discomfort, as if she was facing a dangerous beast and Roman shook his head, seeing her recede as he tried to reach out an arm towards her to bring her closer. His primary alpha instinct was to assert his role, but she was his mate. He had to protect her, provide for her and make her feel safe. And instead he had scared her. It didn't have to be that way. Not like that.

- You… you have me checked while I was sleeping? Like a sedated animal? - she informed in an uncertain voice for the first time and Roman felt something burn under his skin, as if someone was tearing off a part of his body between his muscles right in the middle of his stomach.

- I needed to have my right proved. - he admitted, but even hearing it from himself now seemed the wrong move to make to bring her closer and in a good mood.

Claiming your mate was an impulse that no one could really escape, it was a physical need that as soon as the bond was reconnected, became more fundamental than breathing, but what he had done was not claim her. He had trapped her by registering their trademarks before the law, taking her freedom before the government, he hadnt even known her name and had imposed her, his. He had done it to keep her close to him and prevent her from running away, the man had done it, not the wolf.

- Your right?! On my life?

- You're my mate. - he repeated, trying to regain control of the situation, trying to calm both of them, but Y/N literally growled at him.

In silence, he stopped with his arm in midair to stare at her. This wasnt how it was supposed to go, this was not how it was supposed to be and the umpteenth unnecessary confirmation was provided by Jey, when he opened the door and stared at them both, the look of someone who had gone there to check. Roman looked at him for a second, Jimmy from the hall trying to peek inside and he understood. They had heard Y/N, her annoyance had reached them and they had called him, the voice in his head...

- Y'kay Uce? - he heard Jey ask, while Y/N turned to keep an eye on all three of them.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This wasn't how the two of them were supposed to be.

***

Sitting on the armchair on the patio, she looked absorbed at the huge oak tree full of grandpa's beard that filled one side of the garden, stretching branches to the huge house where she had woken up. Tufts swayed softly in the wind, above the avenue that curved up to the front, on the large garden table and the bonfire area. As a kid, she had enjoyed playing in trees like that so many times and now she was trying to hate it with her whole self. Everything around her was inexplicably perfect, as if someone had positioned it to the millimeter after digging into her head to find out what she liked.

The armchairs were soft, the pillows comfortable. The house furnished with the right balance of styles and colors. There were huge trees everywhere and the most well-kept lawn that had ever been seen in circulation, not even a weed under the trunks. The sun filtered undeterred only where it should have, leaving a small portion of the building in the shade that climbed up the side of the land, giving a view of the river that would have been the envy of a postcard.

- So… do you like the property? The Tribal Chief has an impeccable taste!

She would have drowned herself in that river. Or in the pool. She was spoiled for choice. Anything to avoid sitting there for the rest of her days like a rag doll, listening to that man in a suit and tie who had been praising his Tribal Chief for hours.

She didn't answer, didn't even turn to look at him. She didnt care about him and his disturbing obsession, was already enough to have to deal with her she-wolf that after a life spent together, had decided to betray her and become a bitch by agreeing with everything about that absurd promotional message. The bitch had given in without even a fight when she smelled him and if Y/N hadn't forced herself to become aware of what had happened to them in a few hours that morning, she would probably have rolled her over in the bed even wagging her tail to take his dick. She almost froze looking at him sitting there, with that ridiculously tight T on his big chest, eyes that seemed to pin her down and… and it didn't matter to her. She hated that situation.

- Miss Y/N, if you allow some advice, I think maybe you should be a little more... available. - she still heard whispering by who he called "wise man" from her seat and Y/N finally turned to look at him. Bad. Very bad.

Wise, absolutely. He was whispering with feigned discretion in the midst of a pack that knew how to shift and that had ears practically everywhere, to advise her to be more... available. She couldn't believe he really used that term, it must have been a nightmare or a joke, she couldn't believe she'd ended up like that. As if she just needs some encouragement to bend over to the first available surface and offer him a ride.

- Its a delicate moment clearly, discover that you have a mate of such value and under unexpected circumstances, it must've taken you by surprise but you see, the Tribal Chief- he insisted on babbling, hands fluttering everywhere and an expression convinced.

- Mr. Heyman. Paul, can I call you Paul? - she crushed him before he could praise her who knows what other prodigy to really entice her to give him a ride.

- Yes, yes of course. You're the mate of the Tribal Chief.

- Hm, good, so… If you care so much, you can take my place with your Tribal Chief. I won’t object. - she assured him with a honeyed smile, adjusting his red tie and a sound of annoyance reached her, prompting her to look at the head of the table.

Sitting, with one hand hiding half of his face and holding his head up, he had been silent all the time watching. Watching her. It was since she woke up that she felt his brown eyes on her, as if the rest of the world didnt exist and his only purpose was to memorize every little movement of her. It put a strange awe on her, a mixture of annoyance and pleasure that perfectly replicated what she felt for him. Her instinct screamed at her to reach him, hide her head in his chest and leave him in control to rest once and for all without always having to watch her back, but she couldn't do it. She didn't want to. He had betrayed her trust before they could even begin to have any connection and she had felt hurt, genuinely hurt like she hadn't in years now. She hated that feeling, she wanted to hate him because it was clear it wasn't going to go as she expected.

Mate. Stay. Stay. Home.

Home… he wasn't home. He would have kept her away from home and that certainly wouldnt have become her new home. It was waiting her only one thing within those walls and it would have really reduced her to seeking comfort in the midst of stupid pillows and blankets, like a beaten animal.

She took her eyes off him, without even wondering if that sound had been annoying, jealous or rather to reproach her for the umpteenth wrong attitude for his alpha standards and got up, leaving the porch to go down the steps leading to the garden.

- W-Where she's goin? Miss Y/N! - Heyman called her back, recovering from his gasp.

- I'm going to visit the rest of the property. I'm curious to find out where the cells and the grave pit are. - she announced sarcastically, forcing herself to put one foot in front of the other.

She could feel his eyes on her back, behind her neck and her Omega moaning from the distance. It wasn't how it was supposed to be, but that was how it was going to be. Mates like them couldn't separate until the bond was completely re-established, they needed constant contact, and contact was just what her logic told her to avoid. Her body wanted him like air, a continuous impulse that made her want to let her guard down, but Y/N knew that if she got too close to him, he would take advantage again.

- No, no. This is not possible, not now.

- Why? Too many omegas corpses inside?

- Really funny, but see, the Tribal Chief has important appointments today on his agenda and-

- And I’ve no intention of smiling as he goes around giving speeches.

She settled stubbornly, stiffening when he stood up pointing her in silence. He just had to try to force her again and she would turn against him without regretting it for a second. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, but that was how it was going to go.

Mate. Mate. Stop.

Mate… Was he really her mate?

- We can watch on her. - she felt and as dazed, at least as he was, she turned her attention to Jey who had stood up with two strokes of his hand to reach her.

It took a little longer for Jimmy to do the same, but he left his seat at the table anyway to go down the steps, his eyes on him in what Y/N imagined was a silent conversation about what to do.

They were his cousins, more his brothers. They had always been around him from what she had seen and after the way she had met them at the bus station, after the misadventure the previous night, she didn't really expect them to go along with her. Jey was the reason for her migraine, he yelled at her in the middle of a street and took a hard hit for charging her… but was he helping her now?

- Lets take a run, hun! You can shift, right? - he insisted, patting her on the shoulder with head down, as Jimmy reached them and if it weren't for the surprise, she'd have the clarity to talk back for such a stupid question.

But the idea of moving away from there, the thought of being able to run, were enough to muffle her offense and the shadow of a smile curled her lips, while both of them nodded distractedly with their heads. She knew why they had those faces and she turned to look at him, hands hidden in the pockets of his dark pants and his gaze still fixed on her. What was that feeling?

- Inside the forest. - she heard him agree after a heavy sigh, his trusted Wise man beside him looking even more surprised than her.

And Y/N waited no further, her bones already creaking and lengthening, the ground between her paws.

***

He didn't think he'd ever had a day longer than that. Returning and regaining control was never easy, everyone seemed to have something important to tell him and so the complaints, the chatter, were added to the commitments, the meetings, the business. He had focused on his role in view of visiting the elders in the following days, but he just wanted to go home as an overgrown child and all day he had struggled with every fiber of his body to resist, forcing himself that sacrifice in the hope of at least, to be able to patch what he had done.

They had started the wrong way. He had gone too fast and Y/N… she seemed willing to teach him the lesson of life after less than twenty-four hours spent together. The nest wasnt good, the breakfast was outrageous, she didnt want to hear about Bloodline business or sit next to him at the table, she had even refused the spare clothes he had given her. And so he had gone to retrieve her things at the campsite, to make her feel a little more comfortable than she was and to avoid running into the forest to look for her. Because he had been away from her all day and he shouldn't have, his head was bursting, he could hear her breathing in his ears, the blood pumping furiously through his veins. They were supposed to stay close, reestablish the contact that had been denied to him since her birth, but Y/N didn't want to be near him, she didn't even want to be touched and Roman had accepted that his cousins would carry her around to distract her. He had seen it... he had seen the hint of a smile that lit her up when Jey had come forward with that idea, it had been an attempt on his part to make up for the trouble he had done the night before when he'd loaded her up for the umpteenth time, but she liked it. She had genuinely liked it and Roman, his alpha-wolf, hadn't been able to say no to her even if he wanted to.

But maybe he should have, cause the sun was already setting and they hadn't come back. Y/N hadnt returned and with the anxiety that mounted, Roman remained for a long moment on the threshold, staring at the garden and the access to the forest in religious silence.

- My Tribal Chief - the Wise man tried to calm him down, but he curled his lip, clenched jaw and fists in his pockets, silencing him instantly.

Why weren't they home? Why weren't they there yet? They had been missing for hours, a full day and it didn't take all that time for a run in the forest. At that time they could have reached the city, the borders and the very thought made him rage inside. He had told them to stay in the forest, to stay where he would always know she was safe, in what would be their mates space.

He took his hands out of his pockets and went down the steps without even realizing it, Paul mumbling something from the entrance perhaps trying to calm him down again, but Roman didn't listen to him. His paws sank into the garden lawn in moments, his teeth grinding and his ears pricked up on his head. He nervously shook his black fur and his nose did the rest, sensing the trail distinct of his mate in the ground and that of the twins. He ran, ran away from the house, ignoring everything around him, dodging trees, rocks and pits, the branches to shield the last rays of the sun that tried to reach the forest and the silence to become stronger and stronger. He went up the path that they usually walked during their runs, a curve that went around the side of the hill and followed in sight the bends carved by the dark water, but soon found himself having to abandon it to descend to the west. The trees rushed past him, a trail he could barely make out due to the rush, he could smell the loose earth from the paws filling his lungs, rotten wood, fallen leaves and resin, but the trace of his mate was there. His wolf could have distinguished her in the smoke of a fire and guided by instinct, by the now no longer repressed desire to have her back, Roman went fast up the road, crossing the asphalt that skirted that stretch of forest to venture into an area that he hadn't beaten for years. He knew where he was going, he recognized that place in his memory and when several minutes later his paws finally sank into the sand, he heard her.

- Now he go down, check it out girl, check! - Jimmy laughed, a fist in front of his mouth, as Jey yanked down the ladder on the side of the bridge.

- Da ’shit! - he railed at it, ending up against one of the pillars still standing, after having risked pulling everything down due to his lack of patience or yet another stunt and Roman heard her again and saw her.

On the other side of what was left of the old bridge from which he as a puppy dived with the twins, barefoot and back in human form, Y/N sat watching, a smile filling her face, happy and thoughtless.

That noise... her laugh, the movement of her shoulders that rose with laughter, the nose that wrinkled, the eyes that closed for a second... she had lowered the walls, she was fearless and Roman remained to enjoy that spectacle, without ever knowing he needed it. He watched her talk, joke with her cousins as if it were the most normal thing in the world, as if she had always been there with them, but then the wind, light, almost imperceptible, changed. He saw her slow down, inspire, turn to him and her smile disappeared, Roman's stomach turning. It didn’t have to be that way.

Tag squad: @sunnyfleur23 @racerchix21 @alyanross @wickedsunfire @romanreignsdefencesquad @romanstheory @thiccc-rider-mcintyre @keybladeofsteel @mcreignsera @msbigredmachine @nayys-world @gobbersworld @utika151209 @cumxxslutt @jeyreigns @civildawn @minanajra @romanmydaddy @raidenandreigns @triscillal @papireigns-05 @helensanders92 @itjazzbicch @ichdrachenfrau @darqchilddaydreamz @meggylynnloves @mariamheeeeee @vintage-pvssy @unfriendly--blvck--hottie @nicolewoo @helensanders92 @niknakbucks92 @wrestlezaynia @reignsx @reignsxroman @kianaleani @daguenoire @iyoskyslover @extra-11 @josphinna @thedonsfactory @snowpanda18 @nestorsgirlfriend @brattyfics @wanna-be-dominated @kitanasposts @namjoonspinkytoenail @tribalchiefreigns @daddyslittlevillain

[ystrike1]

I was Reincarnated as a Villainess in an Otome Game, but the boys love me anyway - By Sou Inada (8.5/10)

There are too many yanderes in this. I can't keep track of them all. I'm really glad I waited to read this. The first book is quite boring, because it sets up how perfect our reincarnated protagonist is. Her perfection is a plot point though. It's necessary. Her saintly attitude attracts crazy people who want to serve and adore her.

The pacing and plot in this aren't perfect, but the core of it is very creepy. I actually don't like the main plot. I love watching each new character fall in love with Mystia Aren. There are dozens of different flavors of affection to choose from.

Mystia reincarnated into a cheesy otome game. She's destined to become the villain, but she's actually a pretty nice person. She decides to lay low and break up with her fiance, so he can pursue his true love.

However, a bunch of things happen before the game begins. Her fiance doesn't break up with her. He's VERY interested in her, and everybody else is too.

Here is a helpful glossary of the main cast.

Who is my favorite?

Please don't judge me...

It's the delusional but sweet teacher that believes Mystia is his destiny. He's unhinged of course, and Mystia was also ten when he fell in love with her...I... nevermind I'll stop talking now.

The endgame love interest is Raid. He's her fiance. He gets alot of pretty good development, and even though he's obsessed with Mystia he puts her needs first.

They become true friends first as children as well, which makes their relationship feel less toxic. Mystia is drowning in toxic love. Her servants watch her sleep through her bedroom door. The chef is too jealous to let anyone else cook for her. Her maid has definitely killed people that are "in her way". When I say that I mean anyone that looks at her funny. Every man that manages to get close to her wants to marry her. Her servants know they will never be good enough, so they pledge eternal servitude instead. Mystia's parents are lovely, normal people. So, she doesn't notice anything wrong. Mystia also saves Raid's mother, who was supposed to die in the game, which drastically improves his life. Mystia doesn't love Raid, and she tries to push him towards the heroine. The people around Mystia know she doesn't love her fiance.

This leads to ALOT of misunderstandings.

The servants of the house bully Raid constantly. Let me explain why all the crazy nutjobs are in one house. Mystia attracts someone, and then that someone becomes obsessed with her. Sounds funny right? It isn't. In this world their obsession isn't fun or cute. The gardener, for example, is the only gardener in her house. He scared off all the competition. He does the work of five men, so only he can have Mystia's praise. There's a quiet battle around Mystia at all times. Only the best and most obsessed can serve her. Anyone weak that develops a crush is either killed or chased off. Raid doesn't let his rivals bully him out of the fiance position. He believes he can earn Mystia's love with time and patience.

He doesn't know that she believes he's predestined to love someone else.

Raid is still toxic as hell. He wants to isolate Mystia and cut off the competition. It's implied that Mystia's charm doesn't work on everyone. She's just a nice, smart noble lady. Naturally, she's popular. Only a certain percentage of the population goes nuts for her, but Raid has to fight his instincts very hard. The old protagonist, Alice, isn't even on his radar. He acts kind, but literally the only thing he cares about is Mystia. He's been fighting for her love for so long. He doesn't know what he'll do if he doesn't win.

Eric is the second love interest we meet. He's a great example of the evil around Mystia. He's kind to Mystia, but utterly cruel to everyone else. He had confidence issues as a boy, and Mystia became his first friend. He's a noble man, so he believes he can steal her. He uses their old childhood promises to manipulate her. Sol (a butler) has to threaten Eric with a knife because he won't stop hounding Mystia in public.

Robert Weiss is the only villain in the story so far, and he's a sympathetic one. When he met Mystia he assumed she was perfect. He wanted to be like her. He didn't really expect romantic love, but he wanted to be close to her. Why? Mystia is smarter than him, and his parents expect him to become a doctor. His mother beats him when he doesn't get a perfect score. Robert begins to idolize Mystia. He starts to stalk her, and he overhears a conversation. Eric pressures Mystia. He noticed that she spoke with Robert. Eric bluntly asks her if she likes Robert. Mystia gets confused. At this point she has only had about two conversations with Robert. She says she doesn't like or dislike him. They're not even in the same class.

She doesn't know him.

Robert spirals. He starts believing that Mystia has been bullying Alice, in order to look like a saint. The people who become obsessed with Mystia usually believe they are closer to her than they actually are. Robert also has a massive inferiority complex, and Mystia is ranked second overall in grades. He starts to believe that she seduced the teacher to get her grades, all on his own. Basically, the slightest hint of rejection from Mystia turned him into a toxic villain instead of a toxic servant.

This is Jay Seek. He's my favorite. He's five years older than Mystia, and he becomes her home room teacher to be by her side. Is he a stalker? No! Of course not! He's her real fiance! She doesn't like the prince! She told him...kinda...and she came to him to learn how to ride a horse. He's known her since she was ten! He knows her so well! He knows that her little smiles and comments are actually declarations of love! She's just keeping their relationship under wraps for now, because of her age. As soon as she graduates she will surely leap into his arms.

She said she would....not in words but she accepted me even though I have a scary face and a less than illustrious background.

That means she loves me!?!?!

She's waiting for me!!

Just for me.

Right?!??!

This is Claude. He's a minor character in the game. He's supposed to be in charge of giving mission information to Alice. He notices Mystia instead. Alice is now a side character who is loyal to Mystia by the way. Claude is mean, brash, and cruel. He knows Mystia is in an ignorant bubble. As a master informant he knows about the line of dead bodies behind Mystia. He knows her loving servants have been isolating her. He likes interesting things, so he doesn't save Mystia. She becomes too interesting, and he falls too. He's a very unpleasant guy, in front of Mystia. I'm pretty sure that she's going to realize all of her friends are evil because of him. She has to. The situation is unstable at this point in the story. There are too many jealous people close to Mystia in the school. There will be drama, and she will choose Raid, because he is the most sane.

Yup.

Super sane.

So sane that he interrupts whenever Mystia tries to play with his kid brother. He can't stand it when she shows affection to anything or anyone, and he's the most sane.

Mystia thinks he's obsessed with the kid, because he snaps literally every time she mentions him.

Also, Mystia is oblivious about all the destruction going on behind her back.

I really don't know how this story is going to end, but it's quite dark outside of Mystia's safety bubble.

I hope it bursts.