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It gives me GREAT pleasure to introduce to you ……

THE MARAUDERS

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Ramblings of Sirius Black.

I think it would ruin me so completely if I stopped being friends with James Potter. I think the second he realizes he is too good for me because all I am is a laugh to be around and everything about me is a farce he'll leave.

The thing about darkness is it can engulf light so why would he choose to be around someone who has Black in their name.

I can think of a few crass jokes I'll make when he leaves. I can think of the scathing remarks that'll make him flinch and I know I'll crumble. Fall into utter nothingness when he does because what is Sirius Black without his James Potter.

Because REALLY what is Sirius Black without James Potter. A crass, unruly boy with the horrible disease of having a half decent heart? A man with so much self contempt and hatered that he would rather cut himself than look at the despots he calls parents.

James was really his family. His home. His everything. Remus would be the one his heart flutters for. Always. But James. Oh god. James would be the warm cup of tea on a rainy day and the hug he would crave after seeing Regulus become his parents. James would always be the ray of hope he got in first year. James Potter was the reason Sirius could look at himself in the mirror and smile. James didn't know this of course and he would never. (Until James gets married and Sirius breaks down in his best man speech to tell Lily it does not get better than James Potter)

James Potter was the platonic love he prayed for in the dark moonlight.

How could he? How could James Potter be worthy of even a second of a sneering Black. It James didn't leave him Sirius would try his goddamn hardest to make sure James gets all he deserves.

He would follow along to every shenanigan, every prank, every late night conversation. He loved that man more than he ever did his Mother. Even of James Potter forgot him, he would be the closest thing Sirius would ever have to a real family.

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Aziraphale leaving Crowley hurt as much as the hot priest telling fleabag it'll pass.

Why am I cursed to suffer by every good show I watch. I cannot-

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It had been a week.

No. It had been almost a week.

No. It'd been 156 hours.

No. It'd-

"DRACO. STOP ZONING OUT WITH THAT PUPPY FACE. UGH. TALK TO HIM. I can't deal with you ignoring me today" He heard Pansy slam the door as she left.

He couldn't blame her. Not really. God forbid had she tried. Coming in every day getting him food because he was too depressed to move.

Oh. You want to know why he's depressed.

Let's do the whole sha bam of a flashback. Imagine a scary backtrack now thanks.

-----------------FLASHBACK-----------------

"Harry-"

"No. I get that you're insecure. I understand that. I'm always here to give you reassurance should you need it. But to make me feel like I'm cheating on you the second I talk to another human is absurd. "

"I know. But it's hard considering you're also bisexu-"

"So YOU OF ALL PEOPLE are holding my sexuality against me? I am in love with you Draco but if you do not realize I spend every waking moment thinking of you and you do not realize I am not attracted to any one else be it man or woman. I cannot help it. "

"Harry"

"I'm leaving. I'm too furious and I want space. I will only come back if you're willing to change this about you. "

---------------end of flashback--------------

He knew he was wrong but how does someone win back the fucking saviour of the world.

Oh wait. He thought of harry every waking moment too.

He knew Harry was at Ron's. He knew there was a banner near Ron's house. He knew Harry secretly wanted to modeling and had a few pictures.

Well. You know what happened next. This author does not know how to write because as you all know I could never- and as you all know I definitely am not a little bitch.

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"Motherfucker"

"Sirius. Language. "

"Oooh is Professor Remus mad ₹

"No. Absolutely not. We are FIFTEEN MINUTES LATE. FIFTEEN. "

"It's James and Lily Moony, They don't care."

"It's about the princi- ah"

"You were saying" Sirius asked with a slight smirk as he unbuttoned Moonys pants"

"I- it's AAH-"

"Oh professor moony. I've been such a bad bad boy. Won't you teach me how to be good boy"

Half hour later

James along with a flustered Lily waved at a flustered Remus in the parking lot.

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Harry slams draco on the wall kissing him with all his might.

"Potter-"

"Harry. Harry. You piece of-"

Another slam as he angrily pulls his hair kissing him stronger. It isn't sweet. It's all teeth and claws. Brutal onslaught of just emotions.

"We probably shouldn't-" Draco protested meekly.

Harry was too gone to listen. He was kissing Draco's neck.

"You."

Kiss

"Belong."

Lick

"To."

Bite

"Me."

Draco moaned.

Just as Harry could kiss Draco's scar on his waist the door opened.

A furious and blushing Head Auror Robards stared at his two best employees in utter annoyance.

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Pansy's Apology.

Voldemort was dead.

A soft sigh escaped Harry. He didn't really feel relief as he hoped he would. Instead, a dull ache filled the crevices of his heart.

The loss. The horrific loss.

For a second, he truly felt that being unlovable in that small cupboard was better than feeling loved for one second and losing it all the next.

He felt himself fall on the ground with a thud.

Fred's voice as he fell on the ground, the smiling face had turned grim at the end. The way he shouted, The way Sirius Black yelled as he was taken away, Hermione crying as the knife plunged through her heart-

He woke up suddenly, startled. He knew Hermione was alive. What did it matter? They all died a little at the war anyway.

His eyes felt dull. He looked around and saw Parkinson's face peering at him.

He couldn't muster anything other than confusion.

"Still want to offer me to Voldy?" He asked, not menacingly.

She started to cry. Harry had little experience with people who wept in front of him. He didn't really know what to do with himself except give her reassuring pats on her head.

He felt her move his hands away and look at him somewhat sheepishly.

"Potter, I understand now why you are considered the greatest wizard of our generation. I may not be the best person to talk to at the moment, but I want you to know everyone is indebted to you. You don't have to accept my apology, but you definitely deserve one. I'm sorry for being insufferable during our school days, and I'm sorry for the Voldy bit. Thank you."

She quickly slipped away from him. Harry felt the tiniest bit of warmth enter his heart. The warmth brought along the tiniest bit of hope as well.

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Harry Potter 's husband Draco Malfoy has been declared dead for 3 months officially yet the Boy Who Lived seems to be grieving. Everyone in the wizarding world is worried for the Famous Harry Potter.

In a small alleyway that is home and known only to a few the famous Harry Potter sits with his shaggy beard and starts to drink as he begins to talk to himself.

Harry :

I told her about you. I told her about how your smile makes me want to dance in the rain. i told her about how you clasping our hands makes my heart run a marathon. Told her about how the way your eyes crinkle. Told her about how you remind me of calmness.

I like to think you're a star now. Shining bright yet not within my reach. You were the only one who seemed real enough in this world filled with people wearing masks. your eyes burned with a fierce truth in them

Do you remember the time we both sat under the light pink sky as the sun set. we were silent and lost in the beauty of one another. Your eyes use to remind me of the smell of earth when it rained.

Petrichor they call it. seems to fit you. a word which sounds beautiful and yet is rarely used.

I miss it. Miss talking about fictional characters as we threatened to spoil the ending. It feels like my soul is constantly being ripped apart from my body. It feels like agony curling over my heart to be in love with someone who is long gone. But i cant stop loving you. Our souls are connected.

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Shawn Spencer would lose himself if Gus died.

Yes, Jules is his other half but Gus is the one person who has been there for him since he was 5.

He's been there through every phase every happy and horrible part of his life.

He wouldn't be able to function. Everything he does he knows he's once done with Gus.

He's been very close to losing Gus like the times they've been held hostage but this. It's finally.

No more saying a weird name to his partner who plays along with every of his silly annoying shenanigans.

He waits for someone to tell him random facts about God knows what.

But really. He can't. No one else to go to random places act like fools. Eat at every goddamn place.

He might as well die because really what is the point of living with your best friend.

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Kaz doess not think of Inej. He just worries for her because she's a part of his crew is all.

An investment as he calls it.

He doesn't miss her. Of course not. He doesn't miss her snarky replies or her precise comrbacks.

He absolutely does not miss seeing the way her braid sways as she runs. He doesn't miss the colour of her skin or the calmness around her.

He doesn't feel anything at all. He's not allowed to.

But when he thinks about her. It's unfamiliar for him to feel warmth but somehow the thought of her makes it the most common feeling.

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It's ludicrous to think about now.

LUCIUS was the reason he has a husband right now. It shocks him really.

He remembers the day, clear as Draco's arse.

He remembers how Lucius came all the way to muggle London only to grab Harry by the collor and tell him Draco loves him.

He remembers how Harry didn't believe him but Lucius was determined to do something, ANYTHING to bring a little happiness for Draco.

"Daydreaming again, Love? "

Draco's calm voice breaks him from the memories.

"Just thinking about how Lucius forced me to meet you and now I'm married to an oaf"

He hears Draco's affronted scowl more than he sees it.

He laughs as he walks over and gives him a small kiss.

"I love you Draco"

"You better, or I might have to make my dad do it all again. "

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Sirius Black's diary (1975)

Remus Lupin. Ugh. My mind is forever transfixed on him.

The full moon was a few days back. Today he bumped into a bench in my room and because the pain was too much removed his shirt to press the gash in front of me.

My eyes followed onto his stomach as the silk slid off his skin. The gash started at the bottom of his chest and ended near his belly button. The gash made a design. A lovely one at that. It was a pattern of some sort.

His pale skin a contrast to the dark cerise shade of blood.

His hands looked lovely, the veins in his arms clenched as he pressed the wound.

And oh god. The way he laughed. He had different laughs and each of them made my heart soar. The chuckle made a small crease like a dimple in his cheeks. I might like that one the most.

He had the full blown laughter where his mouth was open and eyes closed clutching at his stomach. God that one was rare. He looked so free when he laughed like that. Not a care in the world, no creases on his forehead just laughter.

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Sirius Black's Diary. (1972)

It's so chaotic. I need to write. My stomach hurts.

The music is ridiculously loud but even at the max volume my thoughts can't stop.

They don't stop.

They remain a clusterful mess that gives me no space to breathe.

It's like running on a treadmill with no stop button (Remus taught me about treadmills) .

It's a mindfuck of thoughts that remain irrelevant. It's not even about not being enough like it usually is.

It's the people in front of me. My brain rambles like a convicted killer does in a coutroom. Constantly starting new topics that are irrelevant to fill the silence that it desparetly needs.

It is what it is I suppose.

I never considered myself an overthinker. It's moments you wouldn't expect someone to think of constantly that I overthink about. It's an unconscious habit. There has never been a moment in my life where I've had a lack of thought.

I crave the opposite like a man living in a desert does water. I crave the silence.

The moments that I do get no thoughts is when sometimes the music forcefully bursts through my ear disabling me to think.

Remus gifted me something called earplugs and an mp3. It helps me refocus really.

I don't know if Remus and James really do like me but they're fun. Hogwarts is better than home. Way better. Way way way better.

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Draco : HARRY. These stupid buttons in my muggle phoe is not working.

Harry : Phone Draco PHONE. And it doesn't work because your nails are dastardly long.

Draco : You don't seem to mind them when they're up your-

Harry : DRACO.

Draco feels a sense of bride at the r ed blush that strains across Harry's cheeks.

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Sirius : David Bowie would win in a sing off

against Freddy Mercury.

James : BACK THE FUCK UP- EXCUSE ME

Sirius : OF COURSE HE WOULD. DID U

FORGET "under pressure exists"

James : SIRIUS "KILLER QUEEN"

"BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY"

"ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

Sirius : THE ENTIRE DIVINE SYM-

Remus and Regules shake their head fondly as they watch their boyfriends tackle each other.