#'calling yourself a woman is INVALIDATING the IDENTITY of REAL WOMAN'

[orthodera]

Imagine being so insecure in your own identity that you start literally gatekeeping your gender

[butch-with-a-deep-voice]

What made you feel like using the term “butch” to describe yourself despite some of your obvious feminine qualities? (This is an absolutely genuine question coming from somebody who is trying their best to figure out “which box” they fit into).

I guess I’m having a hard time figuring out if I’m “butch enough” which I know sounds ridiculous. I know that there’s such a spectrum and not everybody is strictly “butch” or “femme” but I guess I feel called to butchhood. But I invalidate my own feelings by finding all the ways in which I’m “too feminine” for it.

I’m genderqueer as well so it can be hard for me to find the right balance between my masculine and feminine features that make me feel euphoric.

Hey anon, so this is a very good question, and one I really want to take some time with. As such, I will provide two answers. A short copout answer if you don't have the energy to read a lot, and a long answer.

Short answer, and I really hate when I have to pull out this answer but well...

It's no different than gender euphoria in of itself. Each person is different, and it is based off of well, vibes. It's things like how I can be beside my he/they nonbinary friend, let's call him C, in the exact same outfit as him, and all our friends are like "yup, Nomi looks butch, and C looks boy-adjacent". It's vibes, and there's no real easy way to explain it further than that.

Now lovely anon/reader, if you want something a little more... nuanced (and just as inconclusive), strap in. Pun fully intended.

So I've been mulling over this for a few hours already before typing, and of course my overly analytic ass started scripting this whole thing around exploring the history of butch and femme identities, the gender politics of the matter, the racial contexts, etc. before realizing that doesn't answer your question; how did I specifically, a trans-feminine two-spirit person, reach butch being where I felt the most at home in myself despite apparent feminine aspects of myself? Understanding the history, cultural implications, and other nuanced portions of "butch" as an identity was a huge part of how I got there, and so I'll briefly go over that, but it's also important to keep my copout answer in mind as well. You know yourself best. It's well, vibes.

Let's start with the barebones identity of butch. I think a good place to start is understanding that while all butches are masculine, not all mascs are butch. Same with femme vs. feminine. It's something you claim, you embody. It's well, an identity. For many, myself included, it's an inseparable part of ones gender identity to boot. And like all identities, it is often intersectional with other facets of your life. Gender, sexuality, race/ethnicity, culture, etc. For me, Butch ties directly to my Two-Spirit identity. Part of being a Michif (Métis) Two-Spirit person is holding both the masculine and feminine at all times. While not necessarily a woman in the western sense, I feel woman-adjacent. My "feminine spirit" comes from feeling woman-adjacent, and honestly when around other Michif women, like a Michif woman (but that's a conversation for another day). My "masculine spirit" comes from being a butch Michif lesbian, amongst other things. If I had to describe how my gender "feels", Two-Spirit Butch feels honestly the most accurate, even if that doesn't fit into a Western queer lens that nicely. I may have, as you said anon, apparent feminine aspects to myself that counter my masculinity, but part of being Two-Spirit is holding those with love, honor, and compassion. Feminine spirit doesn't negate my queer masculinity, if anything it augments it. But, exploration of my Two-Spirit identity and how it relates to being butch likely won't be of much help to most of the non-indigenous readers.

Let's look at a more Western approach, because Butch is just that, a rather Western queer term. I do want to preface that as a trans-feminine person there are many within queer spaces that believe I do not have the right to claim butch for myself. To them I counter, bugger off terfs. I would also like to point out that while in a modern sense butch more or less refers to a masculine lesbian identity, that was not always the case. Butch for many many years was an identity to describe queer masculinity as a baseline, regardless of lesbian, gay, bisexual, etc. Especially in queer BIPOC communities. Butch becoming a lesbian-centric term is much newer within the queer lexicon (with some pointing to white queer culture stealing a term from BIPOC queer culture, but that is a topic I do not have the expertise to go into). While both butch itself, and queer masculinity as a whole have evolved since those times, I think keeping that historical context in mind is important.

To me, part of why I claimed "Butch" specifically is how it relates to non-conformity of expected womanhood. While I do not claim woman in the Western sense, during the early phases of transition, I began by identifying as a woman, and trying to abandon all of masculinity and what it came with. You can find a bit more of how that went in this post. I dove headfirst into femininity and hit my head on the floor of the pool so hard I ended up right back in dysphoria central, just a different kind. But, that exploration of womanhood and femininity were integral in why I claimed butch for myself. I don't think I ever would have claimed it had I not. One of the common factors with every AFAB butch I've met is a rejection of the expectations of womanhood that Western culture thrusts upon them. Personally, I don't think it would have been right for me to claim butch without having first explored Western femininity and it's expectations to the extent I had.

Eventually I finally admitted to myself that, while I knew for certain I wasn't a man, I didn't feel right as a feminine (Western) woman either. So, what was I? I felt more at home, more welcome, and more loved amongst queer women, lesbians especially, than I ever had with queer men. Hard androgyny and genderqueer (which btw I do not identify with genderqueer, not upset with you though) didn't feel right either. There were aspects of classical womanhood from a physical standpoint I knew were in line with myself after many years of HRT. Breasts, my waist line, my now feminine skin texture, my legs, honestly my entire estrogen-sculpted body. Hell, while I haven't gotten full vaginoplasty for medical reasons, I would if I could, Stone Top identity aside. I felt at home around women and lesbians, as a Michif woman/lesbian, but not in femininity. As described in the post I linked in the previous paragraph, the first true step was reclaiming masculinity, and making room for healthy queer masculinity separate from gender.

I want to bring up this exploration of the meaning behind the colours of the lesbian flag for a moment. For me, Butch and all it encompasses, is a part of all of these. Gender non-conformity I think is self explanatory. I am a walking defiance of gender norms and expectation at this point, and butchness as a whole is as well. Independence can mean many different things to different people, but I feel self sufficient as a butch. I feel competent. I feel secure. Mostly importantly though, it is an identity I feel independent in. For years and years I let my expression of gender and sexuality be defined by those around me. Past partners, friends, family, coworkers, etc. I could not claim butch until I took a step away from all of those. I stopped letting them dictate who I was, and let myself learn who I was independently. Community and butch is always going to be linked. Butch is a community-centric identity. When I tell someone in the queer community I'm butch, they know what it means. In a single word I can describe large swathes of my experience and how I relate to the world. But it also comes with community role and responsibilities. Butches and Femmes protect eachother. Butches provide safe masculinity in queer spaces that heals wounds for so many people, including other butches. Butches take up space in a room to ensure other non-butch women have space. We protect, we heal, we love. Butch love is so fucking unique and important to a community. Butch comes with a community meaning, but also community role and responsibility, and to me that is a big part of why I feel comfortable claiming it. Serenity and Peace is so many things. Both internal and external. I have peace within myself as a butch. I feel more peace with myself now than I did for so many years. When I finally said it outloud, said I was a butch lesbian, and people affirmed that, it was like a weight I never even knew existed was lifted. I've felt happier in my time openly being butch than I have in ages, and everyone around me as noticed it too. Friends, family, coworkers all comment on just how happy, confident, and at peace internally I've been. Love and Sex this is a doozy of a topic that I truthfully do not have the desire to explore right now. It is important, but I am not in the headspace for it. But butch love is unique in itself. As for sex, well. Please refer to the wild swathes of queer theory and discourse out there. As an off-hand example relating to myself though, see Stone Butch. Unique Relationships to Womanhood/Feminity. I explicitly wanted to link these together. As a Two-Spirit butch, and a trans-femme one at that, my relationship to womanhood and femininity is unique, complicated, and at times inexplicable. The fact that I can say I don't identify as a Western woman, but with other Michif woman I do feel like a woman, is one confusing way. The fact that butch being a gender identity to me is another. But one aspect I want to explore is this notion that masculine and feminine are antithetical to eachother, when I don't think they need to be. I'm not androgynous. I hold both masculine and feminine, not a middle thing. My masculinity is queer masculinity, and I genuinely think queer masculinity MUST be in some way shape or form partially feminine. There is a softness to queer masculinity. A vulnerability. A tenderness. Queer masculinity is often gentle, loving, soothing. All things associated with Western notions of femininity, not masculinity. But queer masculinity, non-Western masculinity, makes room for those things. You wouldn't look at a mother bear protecting her cubs and say "that's not motherly behaviour, that's not womanhood". My relationship to my feminine self is in relationship to my masculine self. They are tied, and being butch, being a soft butch at that, encompasses it.

I think finally a topic I've been dancing around, though alluded to multiple times, is that first copout answer. Vibes, and gender euphoria as a part of vibes. From the vibes standpoint, what I have to offer is this anecdotal piece. When I told my friends that I was mulling around with the idea of claiming butch, basically every single one went "... yeah? You didn't know that?" Off of vibes alone every single one of my queer friends already knew I was butch. From behaviour, to what I was most comfortable in fashion wise, to how I related to others, they all knew that my "vibes" were butch already, well before I had even remotely considered it. As for the other hard to define aspect... As a non-cis person yourself anon, you mentioned it already. Gender euphoria is a weirdly difficult to attain thing. I spent years on years of experimentation, exploration, and rumination trying to find my euphoria. Trying to find the spot I'm in now, where I find myself loving what's in the mirror every single day. Butch got me to the point that I legitimately look in my mirror and love what I see Every. Single. Day. I take selfies of myself because I love what I look like, even in just a hoodie in sweats, every day now. I put more casual care into how I look now, because I love myself, more than I ever did before. I take better care of my health. I have more self confidence. I'm happier and more stable emotionally. Hell, I'm a better friend, coworker, and community member now as a butch than I ever had capacity to be beforehand. It's not just me noticing that too. Near everyone in my life started making note of it anytime I took another step into fully claiming butch for myself. The biggest reason I feel right in claiming butch is that frankly, how can you look at secure, holistic, stable happiness like this and not say it's right.

There's a lot more I want to say here, but I've already been at this for nearly three hours, and that's on top of the two hours I spent just thinking on the matter to boot. I hope I was able to answer your question at least partially anon, and that it helps you with your own gender expression/identity journey. I think the only other thing I want to say is that it's okay if what you identify with now changes. It doesn't invalidate what you feel now, just like how you are now doesn't invalidate what you felt was right for your say, 5 years ago. Human experience and identity evolves, it grows, it changes. If you feel right with butch now, excellent. If you end up realizing that it was just a stepping stone in discovering your unique patch of gender euphoria, that is just as excellent. Rootin' for ya anon 💕

[longing-for-rain]

why would anyone want to prove race/sexuality/ability isn't real? Is there even any group of people that benefit from postmodernism?

Absolutely. Pretty much every government, religious institution, and other power structure. Think about it. If race isn’t real, how could racism be real? If sex isn’t real, how could misogyny be real? If we can’t define what makes someone disabled, how can we define how they experience discrimination? It’s very much in the interest of people who benefit from these power structures to keep people quibbling over definitions than actually addressing the root of the issues.

See, this is why postmodernist thinking is dangerous. We have become so fixated on individualism and identity that we forget to think about why power structures exist and what functions they serve. Do you think we have discrimination because some people woke up one morning and decided to be assholes? No; it’s not an individual choice. It’s as ingrained and widespread as it is because of the ways it benefits people in positions of power and maintains them in those positions.

Take racism and classism for instance. The widespread belief that one group of people is inherently inferior to another. This thinking is what so many civilizations used to enslave huge portions of their population to use for labor. It doesn’t really matter that the ideas of race and class are social constructs; regardless of how we parse down their definitions, they way they are actually used is more important to addressing those issues, so that’s what benefits people in minority groups to focus on.

It’s the same way with misogyny. In most societies, pervasive misogynistic myths that women are weak, submissive, inclined for childcare, etc. have lead to effective enslavement of women, allowing our labor and bodies to be exploited. You can make the argument that some women are infertile, etc. and therefore can’t be exploited for reproductive labor, but let me ask you this…do you think women in misogynistic cultures are afforded the same rights as men on the basis of being infertile? No; they aren’t. Quibbling over technicalities like that does not meaningfully address the issue.

The ways this manifests can be more subtle, especially in modern times. The best example I can think of is something I’ve witnessed personally as an autistic person.

Disability and what exactly defined a disability is something that I see debated frequently, especially with autism since it’s a spectrum and presents differently in different people. However, it does make certain aspects of life difficult, and many autistic people require accommodations to help them.

So here is what I’ve encountered. I am what you would call “low needs” in the sense that I don’t really require accommodations in my day-to-day life; my career is suited well to me and I am able to manage my symptoms. That is not the case for all autistic people. Many autistic people do need some degree of accommodation so it makes sense that those people receive the most attention in advocacy focused on those accommodations. Imagine if I went up to those advocates and told them they need to change their language and focus because I don’t feel included and it’s invalidating to me as an autistic person without the need for those accommodations. I say this because I’ve actually seen other autistic people do this. Like I’m sorry, I get that it can feel isolating to be autistic and not recognized; I did not know I was autistic until I was an adult woman. But it’s just not productive to center yourself when there are people who need access to accommodations; by fixating on yourself, you’re making it more difficult for them to do that. Sorry if this is insensitive, but if your biggest issue is not feeling validated enough as an autistic person, that is a privilege. Stop focusing on yourself, on definitions, on labels, and start focusing on things that actually address people’s needs.

And yes. I really do think this logic benefits ableist government institutions who view disabled people as a nuisance that costs them money. They will absolutely latch onto this idea of “autism is a spectrum and can’t be truly defined” to justify “therefore we have no reason to fund support for autistic people since there is no way to define if they need it” which is…clearly a problem.

I hope that gives you a better idea of where I’m coming from when I criticize this, because I really do see the rise of this thinking as a kind of backlash to the work done by activists, and it’s a bit scary to see people who claim to be activists eating it up.

[wndaswife]

You don’t seem to understand what a terf actually is. You just like throwing that word around and using it towards anyone that doesn’t agree with you, which only shows just how immature and ignorant you actually are.

People are allowed to have differing opinions to you. I get that being online all the time and only surrounding yourself with people that agree with you/have the same opinions as you, has made you think that everyone must agree with you and that only your opinions are “right” - but real life outside of the internet doesn’t work that way.

Lesbians do not like dick. I know that you want to call yourself a lesbian but if you’re attracted to penis, whoever the penis may be attached to, you are not a lesbian. And saying this does not make me a terf. It’s simply a fact.

You’re all “you shouldn’t reduce someone down to their genitals, women aren’t just boobs and pussy” - and yet you’re making posts yelling about how you want to suck girl dick and how women can have dicks, which completely contradicts what you’re saying as you yourself are reducing people down to their genitals by saying these things.

Lesbians are not attracted to men, nor are they attracted to penis, regardless of who the penis is attached to. That is just what a lesbian is. That’s the reason why we have a label to set us apart in the first place, so that people know that we are individuals that are not attracted to men or penis.

If you yourself are attracted to penis - good for you! You can suck all the dicks that you want to! Nobody is stopping you or saying that you can’t! But your want to suck cock means that you’re not a lesbian. It’s that simple. That isn’t “terfy”. That’s just what the lesbian identity is. And you cannot push your own personal attractions onto other women. Just because you find cock attractive, it doesn’t mean that lesbians have to. Not being attracted to male genitals does not make you a terf.

This whole “lesbian means non men loving non men” is nonsense. Tell me this - is it right for an AMAB male-presenting individual to insist upon calling themself a lesbian just because they identify as nonbinary? Even though they are male presenting, with male genitalia, and have zero plans to present themself in a feminine way or transition physically in any way? Everything about that person is physically still male, the only difference is that they say that they now say that they identify as nonbinary rather than cis?

Explain to me how you believe that person can acceptably call themself a lesbian, despite physically being every inch cis male. Explain to me how you believe that lesbians - women loving women - are now supposed to be attracted to that person, otherwise you would call them a terf. Because that’s what you’re doing.

terfs: “please don’t force us to like dick guys please we are actually very frightened of penises <//3 please don’t try and invalidate our lesbian identities just because we don’t like penises please <///3”

also terfs: “IF YOU LIKE DICK YOU’RE NOT A LESBIAN”

women are not their bodies. it’s really that simple. if you cannot find any value in women past their vaginas then you are the problem. have some respect for women, it’s that easy :)

secondly sexual attraction is not inherently objectifying.. it’s actually kind of scary you’d think that. why would you think that attraction to trans women can only ever be objectifying? are trans women not able to be loved like everyone else in the world can be? why does reading that someone can be attracted to trans women mean degradation? yet when you read smut with a cis woman i bet you never think omg :( why are we just objectifying tits and pussy now :( like fuck off lmao

[vintage-bentley]

I’m gendercrit but holy hell I’m still shocked at how bad those comments were. I love how so many of the negative ones are like “as a polyace as a trans gay guy as an asexual,” go on to insist that PIV can be gay, when they have absolutely zero stake or should have any opinion on homosexuality at all. I’m also sure the author is probably gay or lesbian and they jumped on them for this - chastising them for being a bad gay basically, a bigot a terrible person, because having an opinion that’s absolutely 100% correct and based in the reality of sex and calling out homophobia is a sure fire way to get yourself crucified by people who appropriate shit. These people are batshit insane and hate gay people. Author should do an updated essay where they’re even more upfront and angry tbh especially since this GO attitude of ‘they’re not human they can mix match sex and still be gay” has literally spread to other fandoms with human gay couples and so where’s this excuse now? They don’t respect gay characters and they def don’t understand or share any common goals with actual gay ppl

The worst thing about those people acting like they have any say on topics about homosexuality, is that you can’t tell them otherwise without being told you’re some sort of phobic!! When it comes to all their made up issues, they have no problem saying “only ace people get an opinion!” But when it comes to actual real issues regarding homosexuals, suddenly it’s open to everyone. I wonder if it has to do with the way they’ve hijacked the word gay to no longer mean homosexual, but to instead mean “anyone who wants to call themselves gay to feel special”. As in, they think they’re gay because they want multiple partners, so they get a say in anything regarding gay people.

It’s even worse with “trans gays”…because you know damn well they’re literally homophobic heterosexuals…but you can’t tell them that unless you want to be called transphobic. And you know they won’t listen to you when you say “Aiden, you’re a homophobic straight woman, you get no say on this topic” because they’re so self-absorbed and so caught up in their own ideology that they don’t even listen to anyone who begins to invalidate their fantasy.

Point of that little rant is to say, it is so damn frustrating to see a bunch of non-homosexuals acting like their opinion holds the same weight as homosexuals when it comes to discussing our sexuality…and knowing that their ideology enables them so much that you can’t say anything about it, they’ll just tune you out. It’s frustrating to know that I can give my opinion as a homosexual, only to be overruled by a straight woman calling herself an “aromantic trans nonbinary man” who thinks her fake identities give her more say than me.

And yes, the backlash to the essay absolutely has to do with the idea of a (presumed) homosexual stepping out of line. These people see gays as pawns and objects they own, and hate to see us having our own voice that opposes theirs. Because they think they’re entitled to our agreement and compliance.

They’re also accustomed to being in a community where everyone has the same opinions, everyone claims they’re gay, and everyone validates them. So I think it’s an absolute shock to them when somebody they assume would be in this same boat, has a mind of their own. It’s like, “what? You’re supposed to be Mindless Genderist #200, especially because you’re gay! How could you betray our community like this?”

If the author is still around here and reading this, please please please write another essay, I will eat it up. The first one did a really good job of being respectful and not heavy-handed on the gender critical aspect, which I think is the reason it resonated with me. If it was explicitly a “terf” essay, all my critical thinking would’ve been shut down because Terf Bad. But because it was just laying out points with no belief system attached, I was able to go into it just as a homosexual and find my agreement that way, not swayed by any pressures to believe a certain ideology. But it would be great to read another one that is more firm and angry, because lord knows it would be more than justified.

And I’ve noticed that too, that the “they’re not human, so they can’t be gay” excuse has spread to other fandoms. It’ll just take different forms depending on what’s available in the media’s universe. So for example, in a universe with magic, the fandom will use the magic system as an excuse for why the characters can’t possibly be gay (but they can be anything else). In a universe without magic, it’ll be something like “well, these characters are so deep and complex, so it’s not good to limit them to a label like gay (but they can be anything else)”.

It’s very clear to me that it’s not actually about trying to find interesting and complex ways of worldbuilding like these fandoms claim. Because if that was the case, why would homosexuality need to be ruled out? Wouldn’t it be interesting to discuss how this very real and important experience fits in with the universe in question? Instead, this is clearly about how fandom has always been homophobic, and they’ve finally found an acceptable excuse for it. Why else would the focus constantly be on explaining why characters can’t possibly be gay?

[redheadbigshoes]

That anon about straight girls calling themselves bi because they don't wanna be basic... I have come to realize there are a lot of women who call themselves bi who would never date a woman. This isn't a negative toward bi women, but a lot of straight women would make out with a woman for fun so they call themselves bi even though they'd never pursue anything real with a woman. The amount of "bi" women who have gotten freaked out when I told them I'm a lesbian or actually dating a woman is crazy.

I think it could also be related with internalized homophobia/biphobia, a lot of them still haven’t come to terms with their sexuality so they think they could never date a woman, or maybe because they’re afraid of homophobia or coming out.

There’s a term here that is pretty biphobic - but a lot of people still use it anyways - called “bi festinha” which is used basically to describe a straight person who would only kiss people of the same gender, but is not actually attracted to them.

This is very shitty because these people end up contributing for a lot of biphobia. Even if they’re indeed bi but struggling to come to terms with their identity or even if it’s another situation, it’s not an excuse contributing for the invalidation of a whole identity.

This is why I advise people to better come to terms with their sexuality and explore it in other ways besides getting in relationships (especially in real life), you could really hurt other people and yourself as well.

[thepoetrytheorist]

Casual Transphobia in the Queer Community in the Internet Age

If you are queer, please read this.

I can't believe I need to say this to the queer community in 2023, but I'm noticing a trend of transphobia in both online and irl queer spaces that is much worse and much more pervasive than when I was a baby queer in the late 00's.

I feel like we need to address casual transphobia more as a society. Of course it's important to discuss rampant transphobia, but we can't fully "fix" rampant transphobia without first talking about how normalised it is... even in our own community.

For background, I'm a 20 yearold anthropologist who happens to be trans. More specifically I am a genderfluid transmasc who identifies as genderquantum. My masculinity and femininity are inseparable. My pronouns are she/he. My gender can shift so rapidly that it's best not to assume which one I am feeling at any time. I am man and I am woman, and it is wrong to remove either of those from my identity.

I've also done extensive studies and research on human relationships and interactions. Why we act the way we do and what inherent societal norms are behind that.

I expect cisallohet's to misgender me, even in close and intimate relationships. It's quite normal for straight men to say to me "I understand that you're a trans, but I'm attracted to you as a woman." That sucks, but it's expected.

It's normal for my cisallohet friends to exclusively use he or she instead of mixing them up. I had to stop using "they" as a pronoun because I recognised that people refused to call me he and would just use she or they.

At the same time though, it's easy to expect the opposite from the queer community, when in reality... it can be quite the same. Quite a few lesbians have approached me and said "I'm sorry, I'm attracted to you, but I'm worried that it invalidates your identity as a man and mine as a lesbian." I've had gay men say to me, "but you're just a woman, so you wouldn't understand." These are all people who know my identity is genderfluid. These are all people who have been in the queer community for years. These are people for whom boxes are so important that they feel guilt when you exist outside of one.

I've even had bi and pan people say "but I see you only as a woman" "but you identify as a man!" "...but you're nonbinary right?" All of which are wrong, all of which misgender and misidentify me. All of which feel violent.

This is exactly the same if not worse than when straight people do it. It's exclusionist. It's misgendering.

And it happens to more than just genderfluid or other gender deviant people. It happens to mono binary trans people as well [people who identify exclusively as trans men or trans women].

We are being told "I'm sorry, but I only see you as your birth identity, and it makes me feel bad when I'm attracted to you" "you can't possibly understand my experiences, because you're not really a wo/man" "I'm sorry, but your identity as trans brings me discomfort in our interpersonal relationship since I have not come to terms with my own feelings towards real trans people."

To me, most of the issue is that in the age of the internet we feel as if we have to conform to the exact dictionary definition of our chosen label. We can't just be sapphic, we have to be lesbian. Bi means two, pan means all. And it's just bullshit. It's bullshit! You can have experiences that don't exactly conform to your identity. It's natural, it's normal, it's human. It doesn't have to change who you are.

You don't have to be a 5 star lesbian or 5 star gay man. You don't have to change your perception of the world to respect others! It's ok to befriend transfolk. It's ok to be attracted to trans folk. It's ok to pursue a relationship with someone who you genuinely like even if it doesn't quite match your identity.

It is not ok to make us feel bad for challenging your perceptions of yourself and the world around you.

Obviously I'm just one person on tumblr, I can't hope to make a difference with one essay textpost thingamajig. But if you've read this far, please examine yourself and your actions. You don't have do suddenly be the world's best trans ally, but please please please treat us with human decency and kindness.

[ventbloglite]

Are any other trans people tired that our lives are so heavily dictated by the fact we can't have or enjoy anything? (I know there are.) Want to use the bathroom?

Pass and use the bathroom of your actual gender and there's still that risk that the moment you're found out, violence and maybe even the police again. Don't pass and use the bathroom of your gender and the chances of violence rise dramatically. And it's not like using the bathroom of your agab is any better, considering that passing makes you more likely to be ejected, have the police called on you, or be subject to violence. Not passing might make it a little easier to use your agab's bathroom, but is it worth it for the spiral into gender dysphoric depression it might cause? Not to mention that if you've made any changes to your presentation, you just don't 'pass', there's still the violence. The goddamn violence. Want to have a romantic and/or sex life? Mtf and into men? You can't call yourself a straight woman, you can only call yourself a gay man. Clearly you're a homosexual predator trying to trick straight men. Yes, even if you've had bottom surgery. Just the fact you once had a penis is enough. Mtf and into women? You can't call yourself a lesbian, you are a straight man and that's it, or you're a gay man if you date other trans lesbians. And of course, yes indeed, you are once more a predator. Yes even if you have a vagina. Anyone assigned male has 'is a predator' stamped into their DNA you just can't not be one. And it's not like you can be anything under the bi umbrella or the same issues depending on who you date (I guess, unless they are also under the bi umbrella but people still won't see you as a woman in your realtionships) still apply. And it's not like you can be on the aspec because nobody believes that is real so it's just about thing about your identity to invalidate. It's not like you can just abstain from relationships, just your existence indicates you want to get rid of concepts of both straight and gay and force people to be attracted to people they aren't.

Ftm and into men? You are a mlm fetishising straight woman trying to live out a fantasy, homophobic, and trying to force gay men to not be gay. Ftm and into women? You actually still can't call yourself a lesbian if you insist on identifying as a man at the same, otherwise you're trying to destroy the concept of a female homosexual. Yes even if you have a vagina, which is apparently the issue with mtf people not being able to be lesbians but here isn't enough to make it okay for you to be call yourself a lesbian. You also can't call yourself a straight man because then you're a predatory lesbian trying to make straight women gay by force yes even if you have a penis. In fact the lesbian paradox is so thick you could cut it with a knife as you are both simultaneously a lost lesbian and absolutely cannot be a lesbian you predatory man you.

And yes again, you're not okay if you're under the bi umbrella and you're not okay if you're on the aspec. You just shouldn't exist at all, let alone try and find partners. That's what it comes down to, doesn't it? Don't be or do A but also not B, in a world where A or B is the only option and if there is a C or more it's basically ignored or impossible.

Our entire existence as trans is being done, on purpose, to harm people sexually, destroy hetero and homosexual, make everyone confused, destroy science and any number of perverse things (after all, many TERFs see tucking and packing as fetish/fetish gear). There's absolutely no other reason. We're not people, we're Unpeople. Our happiness is actually a selfish crime we're committing against those who are confident in their agab. And no, it's not messed up that cis people think that and want us all to either die or just disappear. It's absolutely justified.

And this is just two issues of many.

[dorky-donkey-boy]

My name is Austin. It was my name when I was born. It wasn’t for a while. Then I pretended it was. Now it is again. Identity is funny that way.

Gender is too.

I grew up accepting things that were “mostly true”. Harmless things. That I was smart or socially awkward or straight. And I learned to accept more and more of them as I grew up. That I didn’t like my body. That I liked boys. That I liked the idea of being feminized because that was the me inside all along.

I was never taught any these things, though I was told all them in one way or another. I proved them true myself. I got good grades, I didn’t interact with other people as easily as the other kids did with each other, and I crushed on girls.

Then I proved them wrong.

My smarts? Mostly an overdeveloped sense of pattern recognition. My social awkwardness? Only evident in larger groups or when I was in new social situations. My straightness? Only partial.

And I think you’ve all had experiences like these, where you thought you knew something about yourself completely but didn’t, and the way you were wrong was significant enough to matter. I never thought that my identity as a woman would be one of those “mostly right” things. But I’ll get to that.

Before she came out as transgender, my girlfriend adored being called “good boy”. She didn’t feel right in her own body or her identity as a man, but that didn’t bother her until she figured out that she wanted to transition. If I called her that now, she’d feel dysphoria. She still experienced gender dysphoria beforehand, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying her identity is invalid. But it’s clear that dysphoria can be caused by something other than not feeling right in your own body or identity. The knowledge that she was trans created dysphoria where there was none. Same as how she was (somewhat) proud of what her focus on physical fitness did to her body. Now she hates how it makes her look. You may know you’re trans because you feel dysphoria, but sometimes you feel dysphoria *because you’re trans.*

It made me think of how I felt about my own body before I understood why I never felt comfortable in it. Before I could put a name to those feelings and felt an irrepressible need to transition afterwards. I loved it. And then suddenly as much as slowly, I hated it.

I don’t like boys the way I like girls. I didn’t just like feminization because it gave me a place to experiment with my own gender. But believing things those things, in a way, made them more true. I stopped finding feminization hot once I thought of it only as part of discovering my identity. I started to find boys hot even though I was only homoromantic before.

Beliefs are powerful and the impact of them on your subconscious mind aren’t fully understood by science. We understand parts—placebos, nocebos, whatever. But someday I think we’ll understand that believing “mostly true” things, thinking that you’re accepting an idea that has shown itself to be entirely true, primes your brain to change until it fits that reality, to an extent.

I trained my brain until I only referred to myself using female pronouns and dreamt of myself as a woman. It didn’t take too long. And then for ten years I was a woman that passed and was happy.

Then I started messing with this detransition fetish junk. After the first couple of times, I kept referring to myself by my deadname in my head and couldn’t stop. I hated my body, but then slowly I got excited over seeing chest hair and my body becoming square and angular. My name was the last thing to go. My husband always told me that if our girlfriend told him my deadname as part of our detransition play, he’d break up with her. Now it’s his new normal.

I don’t understand it. My pain was real. My discomfort with my own body was real. My dysphoria was real and not solely self-induced! My happiness with my feminine body was real!

But these feelings are real too. That I still feel dysphoria when I look in the mirror and see a beard, sometimes, and that I now feel dysphoria when I look into the mirror and see a pair of breasts doesn’t make sense to me. Except—I have a feeling that the longer I identify as a man, the less I’ll feel dysphoria in the first situation and the more dysphoria I’ll feel in the second. And that’s as terrifying as it is freeing.

What am I saying here? You only have one life. Don’t spend it believing in mostly true things. And understand that the idea “We are who we pretend to be” is perhaps truer than we’d like to believe. Or maybe we’re just more complicated than we give ourselves credit for. Binary gender is a modern invention, after all. Maybe it’s more fluid and ambiguous than we understand right now. Maybe a lot of ourselves are more fluid and ambiguous than we understand right now. But…I’m not sure that’s a distinction with a difference. I’ll leave that to the scientists and philosophers and people who read this.

Regardless, I want to ask you for a favor: the next time you get off to this stuff, think hard about it. See if this being a fantasy is true or only mostly true. Question yourself. Question your identity. Question yourself. And the most important question of all to ask yourself is this:

“Who do I *want* to be?”

Am I Austin? Am I Ruby? Am I both? Neither? Was I always this way or did I do it to myself? Does it even matter—can I choose to be either one if I want? What should I pick?

This idea can be scary for us, because we know more than anyone that we have only one body to be happy in. And if we make ourselves so unhappy with our own body that we feel that need to change it again…what if we change it and we aren’t happy like we were before?

But I think it is possible to know yourself, even if we’re constantly changing. And I think that we should embrace impermanence as a natural part of ourselves. After all, life is change—why should we be any different? Still, Capital T truths do exist. Some things about yourself are static. Unchanging. But some aren’t. Learn the difference and you’ll understand who you are…and who you are *right now*.

My capital T truth is that I wasn’t happy with my body. But now, six months off of hormones, in closer than I ever have been. My name is Austin, and I hope that it always will be. Maybe I wouldn’t have ever been happy with my body if I hadn’t have transitioned first. Maybe if I thought about myself then how I do now, I would never have wanted to do it. I’ll never know. That’s just what it’s like to have a brain that’s permanently under the influence.

Please think responsibly.

[chigirisprincess]

𝐁𝐲𝐟/𝐃𝐧𝐢- please like after reading.

This blog is strictly 18+ and will contain dark content.

This means minors do not interact. Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked.

I support the aging up of characters and do so myself, block me if this makes you uncomfortable.

Note;

Please do not interact with my wlw fics/posts if you are not sapphic/wlw/nblw. As it makes me uncomfortable. This is not a wlw exclusive blog so you can follow and interact with my other non-sapphic posts if you are not sapphic/wlw/nblw!

Do not interact if;

You are anti-dark content, a fiction puritan, or cannot separate fiction from reality.

You question my identity. That means disrespecting my pronouns or my sexuality. I have no issue discussing either for those questioning however if you are going to invalidate me do not interact, block me.

If you are a terf/swerf, radfem, “gender critical”, homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, fatphobic, lesbophobic, a misogynist, a misandrist, do not support he/him lesbians, call queer people fruity and are cishet.

If you are anti-semitic, racist, pro-ana, run a thinspo blog//post or document your ed, are ableist, enjoy yaoi/yuri as a straight woman, label yourself as a fujioshi, fetishize mlm or wlw relationships, if you are a ddlg//ageplay blog, or ship minor-adult ships, write/consume underage content.

Write/consume real people fiction (ie x reader fics about celebrities, youtubers, streamers) or ship real people. Are a dsmp or mcyt stan account.

If you write, support, or consume “g!p” content, use the term g!p and are cisgender, or fetishize trans people and their bodies.

[bisexualsdeservebetter]

Wait so what is your opinion on lesbian and gay folks? Additionally what if someone is not attracted to women(both trans and cis) or men(cis&trans) but everyone else? I want to learn abt this. Like if someone has a partner who is agender and doesn’t want their partner to identify as gay/lesbian/straight because they feel it invalidates their identity but the person wouldn’t say they are attracted to men/have the capacity to be attracted to men? Are the automatically bisexual? But based on what I am learning while reading your blog you don’t believe that it is possible to not be attracted to a specific binary identity and be bi?

I am new to learning all about this and want to dig deeper into this as I learn more about myself. Thank you for your time I hope you are having a good day or night or that things will get better if they are not. I appreciate your time and effort!

Okay so first of all, I don't think it's possible to be attracted to exclusively nonbinary people. You cannot easily tell if a person is nonbinary or not unless they have like a pronoun pin or something, and there's not really like nonbinary sex characteristics. I guess you could choose to only date nonbinary people, but you couldn't stop yourself from feeling attraction to men and women. Even if you find you're only into androgynous people, there are plenty of androgynous and gender non conforming men and women.

If a nonbinary person is exclusively attracted to women, idk what they'd call themself. I've seen plenty of like.. nonbinary specific labels, but I don't really know if any have gained real traction or if anyone uses them. I know there is a lot of contention though around the concept of nonbinary lesbians/gays because lesbian and gay generally automatically imply a woman or man.

And yes, bisexuality is attraction regardless of gender. If you are not capable of being attracted to someone of any gender, you are not bisexual. Having a preference, even a very strong one, is perfectly fine, but bisexuality denotes attraction regardless of gender.

I hope this has been helpful, please feel free to send more asks if you want more clarification or if you have any other questions.

[barbiegirldream]

Ok so if a mlm calls random gay men "f*****s" people will rightfully call out their homophobia but if a wlw calls random lesbians "lesbos" it's our internalised misogyny for hating on a woman? Homophobic cis sapphics who hide behind their cis womanhood are literally the worst istg. And this is probably the first time I've seen an exclusionist pansexual like girl the goldstar lesbians and the battleaxe bisexuals aren't going to accept you even if you shit on unlabelled queer people. If you've been harassed by exclusionists before why are you doing the exact same thing to other queer people? I'll bet she also thinks us aspec and nonbinary lesbians aren't "real lesbians", that we're actually cishet women pretending to be lesbians. Unlabelled and 'queer' identified people are not our enemies, homophobes, transphobes and TERFs are our actual enemies.

I mean Minx is just trying to use every buzzword she can to get people to stop calling her out on her bullshit.

Literally like I'm Pan too and for years had random bisexual people tell me I was invalidating their identity by identifying that way like okay maybe become more secure in yourself then can't help you.

It's honestly so bizarre to see that she's trying to cover up that she mocked someone's sexuality on stream with her other queerphobia of saying lesbian slurs like what??? she should get a grip

[irrelevant13]

My unpopular LGBT opinions

since my blog is discourse/trans related I thought I would share some of my “hot takes” 

1. Neo pronouns are inherently transphobic and ablest: I'm just going to link my post about them because its a lot to get into right here. https://irrelevant13.tumblr.com/post/653907281869750272/neopronouns 

2. Demi genders are not real: you cannot be “partially one gender” thats not how that works

3. Nonbinary is a valid gender identity: as long as you have dysphoria and are not invading other peoples spaces (lesbians, trans mens, etc) you’re valid imo. 

4. Pronouns = Gender: If they don’t equal gender then why is it called “misgendering” when you call a transwoman “he” or a transman “her”? Pronouns are used as lazy nouns to describe people. If the average person is describing a man they’re going to say “he” 

5. Gender is not a social construct: male, female, nb, are genders. These are not social constructs. Gender roles, how you express your gender, etc, are social constructs. 

6. He/Him lesbians are not valid: Gender = pronouns. He/Him are male pronouns. Lesbians are women that like other women. By using a male pronoun and identifying as a lesbian you are contradicting yourself.

7. Nonbinary lesbians are not valid: lesbian = a woman who loves and is interested in women. There are labels for woman loving NB people. trans people do not need to be changing the definition of lesbian that is literally what TERFS are afraid of. And its completely unnecessary. 

8. Micro-lables are unnecessary

9. the LGBTQIA+ Wiki is trash and should be deleted: there's so much fucking misinformation on there

10. The acronym is LGBT 

11. Asexual is not a valid sexuality: its a preference and should not be included in the lgbt community because its not the same as being gay or trans. 

12. KINK DOES NOT BELONG AT PRIDE: I understand there's a history. But kink related things do not need to be ANYWHERE near minors and pride is an event for all LGBT people. INCLUDING minors. Im probably going to make a whole post about this as well because there's a lot more to discuss about it. 

13. dysphoria is NEEDED to be trans: this shouldn't even be a hot take or a fucking debate. saying dysphoria is not needed is transphobic and so fucking invalidating. saying dysphoria is not needed to be trans is implying being trans is a choice, which it is not. i'm going to make a whole blog post about why the “you need euphoria!!” argument is flawed because its a lot to get into here. 

14. pansexual is invalid, transphobic and biphobic: pansexual is the worst sexuality in my opinion. i’m going to have to make it its own post because there is WAY too much to get into that it wont fit here.  

15. genital preferences are not transphobic: and saying they are is weird. if a lesbian does not like male genital's she should not be forced to say she wouldn't mind dating a transwoman. same with gay men and straight people. people cannot help their preferences and they shouldn't be shamed or deemed evil for them (within reason of course)

16. if a lesbian does not want to date a transwoman, its not transphobic. and if a gay man does not want to date a transman, its not transphobic: this is really just repeating the last point but it really annoys me when people call other people “transphobic” for their preferences.  

17. the Q word is a slur: and cishets using it rubs me the wrong way. 

18. Intersex people should not be lumped into the LGBT community: Being intersex is not like being trans or gay. If you feel otherwise I’d love to hear your take on this. 

19. polyamorous should not be considered part of the lgbt community: being in a relationship with multiple people is different from being trans or gay. Poly in itself is not part of the community in my opinion but there can be lgbt people that are polyamorous. 

20. The “inclusive flag” is hideous and pointless: I’m talking about the one with the intersex flag in it. the normal inclusive flag is just plain unnecessary. Trans and POC were already included in the LGBT community we didn’t need a whole new flag to “include” us. (by us I mean trans people, I’m obviously not speaking about POC considering the fact I’m very white) I guess I’m open to hear arguments regarding the purpose of the inclusive flag though.

21: Calling the gay man flag “the toothpaste flag” is homophobic: I’ve ONLY seen people refer to the flag as the toothpaste flag in a negative way and I think its rather homophobic but I haven't seen many people talk about it. 

22: Biphobia is so normalized in the LGBT community and not enough people are talking about it: Seriously this also warrants its own blog post. 

23: transmedicalism is not harmful and is needed: this is going to be one of the more unpopular opinions but transmedicalism is not harmful. also cis transmeds are very cool. 

24: “experimenting” with hormones is harmful and is NOT the way to figure out your gender identity: this shouldn't have to be said but if you aren't sure if you want to transition don't take horomones to figure it out. the affects of testosterone are often irreversible. 

I’m sure i’m forgetting some but these are the big ones I guess. Also, when I make the blogs for the opinions I said I would make blogs for, I’ll make sure I link them. 

[identityisaspectrum-culture-is]

My road to my identity

I have been totally out as a lesbian to my friends and family and even coworkers for at least 15 years (since senior year in high school). The last two years during the COVID lockdown and further pandemic restrictions I did a lot of self thinking and seeing if I was happy in the life I was leading both personally and in work. I realized I was not. I didn't like the job I had (retail supervisor) it was too stressful for me especially during the pandemic having to be in person every day in a store where my coworkers didn't think COVID was a real illness and that it was just propaganda. I am no longer at that job. In the last couple months I started dressing the way I wanted to (more androgynous) and just tried to stop caring how others perceive my gender (not that I ever really did, I get called sir a lot and it doesn't bother me). When the hair dressers opened up again I immediately signed up for a hair cut because my hair got so long I no longer felt like me. I got it cut shorter than ever and it was amazing. I started thinking about my gender identity and realized I'm not a binary cis woman but also I am not a man. I just am somewhere in the middle/ but leaning slightly more towards the female side. I am non binary and I told a few of my friends, one even told me "well, took you long enough, we can finally give you this...." and her girlfriend handed me a non binary themed pineapple sticker and she asked me what pronouns I preferred so I was comfortable when the two of them referred to me. I didn't know at the time and said so, she was open to trying some out around me to see if any resonated with me hearing it, turned out I like either she/her/hers or they/them/theirs (Leaning more towards they/them/theirs but my family doesn't know and I don't know if I will ever tell them)

I wanted to share this because I feel like I see stories about coming to terms with sexual orientation and that aha moment when someone realized their sexual orientation (and that can change and doesn't make you any less valid and doesn't invalidate your previous identity btw you are always valid). I don't tend to see personal stories about coming to terms with gender identity and that aha moment where a term just clicks and you're like oh that's me.

Identity is a process and for some people there's that aha moment where you just know. For some people it changes over time and that is completely ok. Humans change. It is normal. You are valid whether your identity stays the same your whole life or changes. Also labels are societies way of putting people into boxes and trying to make everyone with the label seem identical. That is not true. Humans don't fit nicely in boxes with labels. Our experiences shape us and no two people have the same experiences in life, even if you went through similar things you react to it differently than someone else. The same with identity labels, one label could resonate with someone but not with you. The important thing is it resonates with you, and you don't even have to label yourself if you don't want to. Do what is right for you personally and what you feel comfortable with. It is your life, your identity, your choice. I personally identify as a non binary lesbian. There is no one way to be anything because everyone is unique.

[kiribaku-things]

A very fire take on queer labels

Something I believe we should never do, which is defining someone else’s sense of self using their sense of self.

You do not get to define someone else’s identity, you do not get to tell someone that the way that they honestly and truly look at themselves in the mirror of their own soul is invalid or harmful because it does not align with the way you see yourself in your soul’s mirror

“A person can’t be [insert identity here] if they…” 

Why not? How do you get to decide? These terms are simply our best attempt to describe feelings, emotions and images of self. What is masculine? What is feminine? What is attraction? What is love? What is intimacy? What is affection? What is romance? What is platonic? What is sex?

None of these are for you to define for anyone else but YOU. All of these are galaxies of complexity. Where is this essentialism coming from?

Can someone be a lesbian if they are friends with men? What about a platonic life partnership? Could they cuddle? Hug? Kiss? French? Fuck? 

The definitions and meanings attached to these ideias is not up to you to decide for someone else. So someone else’s interpretation of these words, feelings or actions don’t match yours…

I’m non-binary, I’m not a man, in my sense of self non-binary means “not a man”, but if somebody else wants to identify as a non-binary men, go for it, that’s you, not me. Non-binary is my identity is not my word and it does nothing to me for you to attach it to something that in my self image would be a contradiction. 

When men tell other men what makes them “real men'' we call that bullshit. Straight folks used to tell us that we would water down the definition of marriage if we change it. Cis woman have pushed against trans inclusive language around pregnancy and birthing claiming that is harmfull to their definition of woman and mother.

Language is nothing more than a tool that we have to translate and communicate the immensity of the human experience, no wonder it’s complicated. But just because you don’t connect to or misunderstand someone else's sense of their self it doesn’t mean that they misunderstand themself.

Is one's own right to describe, with honesty, their own identity in whatever words feel real and true to them. Not to mention that throughout the almost infinite complexities of what one might consider the essence of self you want to tell me that we are unable to hold seemingly contradictive trues.

A person’s right to define their sense of self is amongst the most intrinsic rights we have as human beings, beyond food and water and air, is that within us that can’t never be taken away, because if I can’t define myself or you can’t define yourself or if I have the right to define you, where does that conclusion lead us?

I've never seen this point so well articulated before, so I had to share. Is from krisfiore64 on tiktok. Here's the link for the original post https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLdhw4KD/

And a great addition by chaotickatie_ in the comments:

I think that in creating definitions for wellmeaning cishet ppl to understand, we solidified words for ourselves, failing to leave space for fluidity

Thank you for coming to my not quite transcript of a sort of ted talk

[galaxitic]

Bisexual lesbians.

Do you even fucking hear yourself? You cannot be a bisexual lesbian.

The literal, solid, continual definition of a lesbian is a female attracted explicitly and solely to other females. You cannot be a lesbian and also be attracted to men. You cannot be a lesbian and attracted to a phallus.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert on this, so I suggest also viewing the link at the bottom of my response for additional information.

Before I explain why nothing you said is correct, I do ask that you’re willing to hear me out. I understand discourse can get heated and oftentimes people (myself included!) are hesitant to listen to the other side’s perspective out of...well, hubris. And especially considering the way this ask is phrased, I’m not really sure you’re interested in having a real discussion. But I’d really appreciate it if you took the time to read and browse through the link at the bottom!

Okay. With that out of the way, I’ll get right to it.

There are a lot of reasons someone could identify as a bisexual lesbian.

First of all, I’d like to bring up the Split Attraction Model (SAM for short). In short, it states that romantic attraction and sexual attraction can be experienced as two separate things. So, for example, an asexual person can be heteromantic, and therefore romantically interested in the opposite sex, despite not feeling sexual attraction toward the person.

The SAM could apply to someone who identifies as a bi lesbian. This would be a bisexual person who is homoromantic, and therefore only interested in dating those who are women or women-aligned people.

A bisexual lesbian could also be someone who is simply bisexual, but only interested in dating those women-aligned for various personal reasons. The person calling themselves a lesbian in this case makes things simpler and easier.

I’d also like to divert your attention to the history of the word lesbian. Lesbian, throughout history, has not always been used to mean “a female exclusively attracted to females.” All it means is someone woman-aligned who is interested in others who are woman-aligned. They could also be interested in those man-aligned as well, but that does not diminish their lesbianism. The word lesbian has included multispectrum identities for a long time.

Take an example of the word lesbian being used as an umbrella term for wlw. When you see two women or women-presenting people in a relationship together, what would most people categorize that as? A lesbian relationship. Do we know the sexualities of the two people in the couple? No. For all we know, both could be pansexual. One could be a biromantic asexual. Or maybe they’re both bisexuals! Who knows? Certainly not us by looking at them. But still, we say their relationship is lesbian. We use lesbian as an umbrella term, right there, regardless of the personal sexualities of those in the couple.

Look. In truth, a bisexual lesbian is just someone who resonates with both the terms bisexual and lesbian. You aren’t owed an explanation by anyone who identifies with both terms. They have their reasons, and they’re not obligated to give you a paragraph essay like this. I enjoy educating other people on this topic, even if they speak rudely to me about it like you did. Being kind makes a difference, even when opinions aren’t shared. There was no reason you couldn’t have asked me why my opinion is what it is, no swearing or rudeness or pretentiousness involved. Please, next time, consider asking with more tact. It’ll be much easier to suppress the urge to snap back at you.

Before I finish up and give you a source with someone who is much better at explaining this than I am, I’d also like to make you aware that that your ask is deeply transphobic. “You cannot be a lesbian and attracted to a phallus” is not only a statement that is horribly invalidating to transgender women, it’s downright factually incorrect. All over the internet and in real life, you can and will find lesbians in relationships with women who have biologically male genitals. I understand if your words weren’t intended to be transphobic, but please acknowledge how the sentiment is blatantly offensive.

If you took the time to read all of this, regardless if you’re the anon who sent this, thank you! It really makes me happy to know people are interested in learning.

TLDR: Here is your link!

https://bi-lesbian.carrd.co/#menu

There is tons of well-written and useful information on there on this topic. I highly suggest you check it out, no matter who you are.