#1000 roaches

[omgpostsplease]

he's a 10, but he would pick a person over 1000 roaches

[spielzeugkaiser]

[MASTERPOST]

I did it, ahhh. This took me longer than I anticipated! But they deserve a break before things go down the drain again.

Prompts under the cut:

I had a wonderful ask about 'Jaskier fiercely trying to comfort Geralt right back.' and I wanted to include that bit. Jaskier really tries.

'How do other people see Geralt in this AU' really interesting thought! It highly depends, I think he is seen in a somewhat positive light by some of the staff, but not by all.

ROACH

Jaskier singing 'Toss a Coin' - with others near it would probably not the best thing for their cover, but if they are on their own... I don't think Jaskier feels like it, but back to the first point - he tries to make things a bit lighter.

also for everyone who asked for a break for those two - you are right!!

What also needs to be said: Geralt is the only person who can playfully display even some minor acts that could be interpreted as aggression (like shoving Jaskier on the last panel) - everyone else and this would be waaaaay different. I don't think either of them realised that yet. Last note: Thank you all for your lovely prompts!! It feels like a guilty pleasure sometimes but AHh, this is really my favourite AU to draw for.

[martuzzio]

Multi-day diplomatic excursions are more fun when you spend the ENTIRE time gossiping!

Check out more Medieval 141 here

[a-lonely-dunedain]

I'm begging you, I'm on my knees praying, please do the omgcp would you rather question as a poll

Would you rather discover a person in your attic or 1000 roaches?

I have no idea what omgcp is but ok! being one of those lucky few who got polls I guess the least I could do is grant your request

[depression-fork]

hey it’s been a hot minute but here I am again with a weird question

Would you rather find a dead body or 1000 roaches in your attic?

Is the dead body also in the attic? How dead is the dead body? Is it still warm? Is it cold? Is it a skeleton? A mummy? A frozen corpse? Is it getting its dead body juices everywhere? Are there maggots eating its flesh? Do I know the corpse or is it random? There are many variables.

[unlawfulroach]

that re4 animation has me burying myself headfirst

[girlnero]

we need to transfer the controversial page of r/wouldyourather into tumblr polls

[sucharide]

incredible news, I thought it was tomorrow already. I have a WHOLE EXTRA DAY!!!!!!!!

[omgpostsplease]

“1000 roaches? In my attic?” - It’s more likely than you think.

[mactavishenjoyer]

Ghost, who is actually good at the knife game.

Soap, who likes it but will stab his hand a 1000 times playing it.

Roach, who records.

[sleepybabybees]

Incorrect quotes because I'm bored-

Price: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...

Gaz: I really care about your feelings!

Soap: I really care about YOUR feelings!

Price, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...

Roach: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!

Ghost: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

-‐---------------------

Price: You know what?

Price: When I join this friend group I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit.

*Soap, Gaz and Roach continue screaming about mold water*

Price: Not the other way around.

Ghost: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water.

------------------

Soap: Who the fuck broke the toaster?

Ghost: It was Gaz.

Price: It was Gaz.

Roach: Gaz broke it.

Gaz:

Gaz: ...yOU PROMISED-

-------------------

Roach, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—

Ghost: A family.

Price: A better love life.

Gaz: Mental stability.

Soap: *clueless* Bagels?

--------------------

Soap: What's the worst thing you guys have done?

Roach: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.

Ghost: I kicked Price in the shin-

Price: -So I kicked Ghost between the legs.

Gaz: I burned a town down.

Soap: What?!

Price: What the hell is wrong with you?!?

Gaz: A lot of things.

Ghost: No shit.

-----------------------

Gaz: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

Soap: Which came first, the orange or the orange?

Price: Orange was first used to refer to the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a colour until 1000 years ago.

Ghost: What was the colour called before then?

Roach: There was no colour, duh! Everything was black and white!

---‐-----------------------

Soap: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!?

Ghost: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.

---------------------

Ghost: Boo! Boo, I say!

Soap: Ghost?

Ghost: Oh, I am not Ghost. I am the scariest thing known to mankind. A failed math test!

Soap: Yeah, right… I’m gonna move on now…

Ghost: You can run, but it won’t be to the college of your choice!

-----------------------

Nik: *angrily presses Price against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!

Price: ...

Price: Are we about to kiss-

-----------------------

Nik: You need to be more careful!

Price, who was dragged into Nik's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

-----------------------

Nik, sweating: Price, there’s something I need to ask you-

Price: Finally! You’re proposing!

Nik: How’d you know?

Price: Nik, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Price: I even picked it up once.

----‐-----------------

Laswell: Two bros!

Laswell: Chillin' in a hot tub!

Laswell: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!

------------------

Laswell: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

-------------------

Price: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people?

Laswell: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause.

Price: Won’t people think it’s weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though?

Laswell: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.

[siddhigirls]

she belongs to the city

pairing: toxic!dark!rafe cameron x stripper!reader

warnings: stalking, mentions of sex

rafe

she reminds me of the city. the pretty cn tower behind her lucious body, flowers in her hand as well as some losers hand in the other, who the fuck was he anyway? he probably met her at club zanzibar, doesn’t know shit bout her other than the her body under her clothes. i felt like the biggest creep watching her laugh at his jokes as he takes occasional glances at her tits bouncing lightly. i fixed my cap as i followed behind, watching his hand leave her hand and go to her lower back, whispering little nothings in her ear that caused her to grin from ear to ear.

i hate the fact that she gave me one lap dance and we shared a moment together, god she let me do a line on her tit, i’m just turned on thinking about her. i’ll see her tonight. she will be mine.

third person

you let the music take over your body as you see grown sweaty older men throw money at you, you picked up the money and made your way back behind the stage. your manager came up to you his thick moustache being too distracting from telling you important information sometimes. “hey some guy asked for you specifically saturn so be a doll and go to him, remember you’re my best client” your manager said as he eyes your body up and down, making his hand down to his pants, fixing his boner. you made your way out with the dimmed pink light fixture on the ceilings, spilt drinks on the ground, blunt roaches all over the ground, you looked around the room looking at a very familiar face, his hat covering his face, brought his hand up indicating you to come over.

“so when can i take you out honeys’” his sweet deep voice rung in your ears, you bit your lip smearing your mac lip liner underneath your lips, “baby you can’t take me on a date, now would you like a private dance or..?” you said climbing on his lap, his musky cologne filling your nose as you straddle him, holding the back of his neck”

“1000. just for one night.”

“what—“

“okay 2500, baby i can go higher.”

“no— i don’t think you get it.”

“5000.” he said sternly, “you can spend the night, you can even quit this job let me just show you one night baby— give me one fucking night” he begged, knowing he had a raging boner.

“i’ll fake a stomach ache..” you said, making your way to your managers office.

“y/n we need you. please.” your manager pleaded “i feel like im gonna puke” you lied, fake gagging. “okayokayokay! go pack your things and leave.” he said, you left in a hurry. you saw him look at you, made a swift head movement towards the door.

your number one rule as a stripper is that you cannot catch feelings for clients.

“you know you can’t pay me to have sex with you” you said getting his range rover, the musky scent of his cologne hitting your nose once again, he took off his hat showing his buzzcut, “i know that’s why i won’t have sex with you for money, but doesn’t mean i won’t fuck you at all..” his sentence making you feel cold, turning his car on, making his way to yonge and dundas.

the dark r&b playing through his speakers low enough so you can hear your own heart pounding out your chest. “so.. what’s your name” he says breaking the silence, “saturn.” you answered, another rule, do not tell your real name to clients, ever. your friend did the mistake of telling her name to a client and he stalked her and wouldn’t leave her alone till she got a restraining order filed against him.

“bullshit, y/n.”

your heart was in your throat, what the actual fuck were you doing. “h-how do you know that..” you stuttered, “i know everything sweetheart.” he says scarily enough, this frat boy lookin’ dude is actually a fucking stalker. you pulled your phone out your pocket slowly but surely to send your friend a text, “i wouldn’t do that’s if i were you.” he said chuckling. you put your phone back in defeat. “by the way it’s rafe honey” he smiled

the car ride felt long, he finally parked outside his airbnb which isn’t too far from kensington market. he got out the car and ran to your side, opening the door for you. “i could’ve done that myself, rafe.” the way you said his name made him go insane.

“you deserve it baby” he says. he opened the door to his airbnb as well, you walked in watching the beautiful chandelier hanging over the conversation pit near by the huge kitchen, the brown wooden stairs leading up to the second floor. “so, i’m sure you’re wondering why i know almost everything about you, i’ll tell you, once you give me your phone.” he says while sweat trickles down his forehead, the heat exhausting him and you. you were scared, but you obeyed. “good girl baby i’m so proud of you” he says rubbing the back of your head, taking your cherry scented perfume.

“no one will ever care for you like i do..”

[rottingpirate]

141 with a shorter male s/o since everyone in 141 are about 20-40 cm taller than me😭

Ofc, you got it homie :)

As someone who is not short at all, I'm lowkey jealous of what short people can do with a tall s/o. But at least I can reach for stuff i guess???

Price

He loves holding you <3

Doesn't tease you, but he may throw some harmless comments here and there

It depends on your height, but he loves how you have the go on your tip-toes to kiss him

He always fights back a laugh in those situations

Loves how easily you can be moved

"Shortcake"

Forehead kisses

Forgets that you’re actually not that tall and accidentally puts things on higher shelves

Panics when he sees you start climbing counters and stacking books or chairs

Papa Price mode activated

Buys you a step stool so it’s safer for you to reach things 

Likes it when you wear his clothes and they're kinda baggy on you

His closet is available 24/7

Ghost

Wow, look at you being the perfect armrest for him

He's a menace

He loves putting things on higher shelves just to tease you

Doesn't matter that he's taller, my boy is the little spoon

Finds it cute when you can't fully reach your arms around him

If you want it though, then he can be the big spoon

He just needs to be held and appreciated

One time, he forgot you were there, and he elbowed you so hard you got a nose bleed

Loves holding you against his chest

He loves to manhandle you (respectfully)

Picks you up and throws you around

You spend more time over his shoulder than on the ground

Getting protective when you are in a crowd, afraid of losing you

No one else is allowed to tease his boyfriends height tho

He'd stare them down

Soap

He loooves that you're shorter than him

You're perfect as a headrest

"Hey, short stack" "Hobbit" "Such big words for a man your size"

He loves pissing you off, but if the comments actually upset you then he's gonna stop

He always apologizes at the end of the day and kisses you, muttering how sorry he is

And if you actually need help, then he'll assist you

Gets so damn smug when you can't reach up to kiss him

He refuses to bent down, so you have to pull him down by the collar of his shirt

Or you could just jump on him and wrap your arms around his neck and legs around his waist

1000% will love to tilt your head so you're looking him in the eyes

Likes resting his chin on top of your head when he comes in to hug you from behind

Gaz

This dude- he'll never let you breathe in peace

"Why are you such a tease?" "Why are you so short?"

He loves resting his chin on your head or shoulder

Made a mistake of making fun of your height on the first day yall met

He got his ass beat so fast

You're his "Angry little boyfriend"

Squats down to your height and gasps “everything is so different down here!” 

Other than that he loves helping you to reach for stuff

Perfect cuddle size

No matter where you are, he's holding on to you

A life-sized teddy bear

Loves affection in general

Would just pick you up at random times, 'cause like yknow, he can

Roach

He doesn't care about the height difference that much

He finds you adorable, you're compact size

Will always defend you against short jokes, no matter who it’s coming from

But just for fun he loves to hide stuff on the higher shelves

He loves to be the hero that can get the stuff from the higher shelves

Most of his pet names include the word "little" in front of them

Being short does come with it's benefits

The number of times you've scared the shit out of him is endless

Even though he's taller, he loves being the little spoon

He loves to kiss your forehead or the top of your head

Loves it when you ask for piggyback rides

Swoons every time you grab him by the shirt to kiss him

Hair ruffles are a common sign of affection with him

[thesparklyfkingpirate]

This meme dump is called “Oh yeah, I forgot Tumblr was a thing!”

Speaks for itself, really 🤷‍♀️

Is it a weird thing to find sexy? Yes. Does that change how hawt I find it?

I think we both know it doesn’t.

This is 1000 percent how Stede would say it in a modern AU

Oh shit or when they correct another man on some misogynistic/homophobic/etc stuff. 🥵 oh yeah, right there. 😏

Well, Ned? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Framing.

This is a commentary on both how impressive and well-regarded my spouse is and what a flaky, unrefined, chaos baby I am

Ugh read the room pete

Oh I’m not quite ready to order yet, come back around to me?

Sharon…hit Roach up. he’s single + tender as hell

If you’re checking out these memes, you like Our Flag Means Death, right? Well, you should also check out @renewasacrew!! Let’s get season 3! 🎉