#AND THAT DEATH WAS MEANINGLESS IT DIDN'T STOP ANYTHING

[1800-lemonadeg1rl]

New to town

Prologue | Part 1

Minors dni!! Masterlist°•☆

Summary- the darkest days of your life could lead to something new. Prologue for a series

Warnings- death, breakups, plane crashes, lonely reader

A/n - hii!!! :3 I'm so srry for not writing anything in like 4 months I swear I'm gonna get back into the habit of it as soon as <33

You always hated being new. Since your were a little kid your parents would move up and down the country at least twice a year which in turn caused you to never have any kind of concrete friendships and to eventually stop trying to make them. When you'd turned eighteen and moved out and were sure you'd stay where you'd picked to be forever.

City living however didn't agree with you one bit. The tiny flat, that could barely fit a fanily if mice, you resided in, cost about an arm a month despite the electrics barely working and the terrible drafts keeping you cold all night. When you'd arrived you were sure you'd make it your own and decorate to make it look less depressing but you mever had the time. You were sure you'd adjust to the noisy neighbours next door and whatever your upstairs neighbours were doing at four in the morning. That hope and optimism for the bleak city had since left and now you lay in the cramped flat at night trying to get comfy on your cheap second hand mattress which creaked awfully whenever you moved as you tried to drown out next doors noise.

Outside tour flat was no better either. You'd struggled to make a single meaningful connection since being here and now some people could say it was the fact you didn't really know how to keep things going in relationships since you'd never had to have a friend longer than six months but you wanted to believe it was the people in the city. Yeah, that sounds better, people from the city were just that bit less extroverted and already had their own groups.

The meaningless office job you worked only made things worse. 45 hours a week slogging away for a meager paycheck and little recognition for any of your time. You'd been there a handful of years since moving into the city and still coworkers regularly got your name wrong or forgot about you completely. Your boss clearly didn't like you, not that he had it out for you by any means but you always had an unfair workload compared to others at the company.

At night you'd lie awake listening to the sounds of the city wondering how many more months you could make it in this bleak existence before an improvement came. How much longer could you hang onto the wagon of life. You weren't much of a betting man but if you were you would of said you'd only make it couple of months.

That's when things took a much worse turn.

The next week your boyfriend of eight months broke up with you over text. You'd known things were over for a while since he'd stopped coming over so much and being going around town with this other girl you'd never cared for. Infact you were more upset about the loss of a warm body, the comfort and stability of a relationship than you were losing him. He wasn't a bad man just.. immature, shown clearly by his breakup message he couldn't even be bothered to call or try to be grammatically correct in his small message. He'd never treated you bad but he wasn't great either, he'd cancel dates to go out with friends, spend the night at yours when there was sports on just because he knew you had the TV channels. You could do better than him. You knew that.

Still, you were desperate to persevere throught these tough times. Yeah it looked poor now but good things were sure to happen when you least expect it... or not.

A few weeks after your breakup as you lay across the old leather couch that took up most the living room space in your apartment. As you meagerly picked at your dinner. That was when it happened.

Your phone ringing suddenly was confusing enough, you hardly had any contacts other than your parents and well they were on a flight to Barbados so definitely couldn't be ringing at this hour. You check the phone and the illuminating letters read out no caller id. Assuming it could be important you decided to answer it, slowly putting the phone to your ear.

"Hello?.."

"Is this y/n/l/n?" A middle aged woman asks, her voice sounded glum and her signal not so good.

"Yeah. Yes, yeah it is. Why?" You responded with a string of awkward yeses mentally facepalming yourself for the stupid response.

"I'm speaking on behalf of United Airlines and we regret to inform you but your parents plane has crashed. They.. they..." Her voice faltered slightly or perhaps the signal cut but you knew what was coming as you felt you could throw up at any moment. A cold sweat plaguing you. "They didn't survive. Sorry." There it was; the news that would change your life. Both of them gone in one swoop. Even if you hadn't been talking so much with your family since your big move you certainly weren't ready for something as catastrophic as this to happen.

[anditwentlikethis]

Clarke killed Bellamy for a book that she ended up not getting, to protect Madi that ended up dying anyways, and then it turns out Bellamy was right all along. So Bellamy literally died for nothing

[noira-l]

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

⋆ ★ '𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞' - 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

chapter summary: You are falling into darkness and meaninglessness. Satoru refuses to let you do that.

pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader

warnings: hurt/comfort, lots of comfort, after 'premature death', after suguru deflection, describtion od depression, apathy, lost meaning in life, slight eating disorder, sleeplesness.

author's note: We finally get to see his softer side, though as is his fashion, he does it in his own way.

4 months after Suguru defected

"I know that the situation that happened has left its mark on you, however, you must not give up like this."

Yaga had been trying to reach you in his office for several minutes. To no avail. Your gaze was still blank, staring at a single point on his desk since you sat down, it didn't seem like you were present in any way.

Silence. You didn't answer anything. Just as you always do.

This is not your first meeting with your Sensei. Yaga has been trying to make his way to you for about a month.

A void in your head, so great and black that it swallowed you whole. Your body indifferent to every sense that reached you, you did not analyse it at all. If Satoru hadn't dragged you here, literally holding your hand and leading you, you wouldn't have come here at all. You didn't have the will or the strength for it.

Everything stopped at that moment. It ended. There was nothing left. Anything important and beautiful in your life was taken away from you by the terrible malice of fate. Your house burnt down. Your beloved had descended into madness. You no longer had anything to care about. Your entire past no longer mattered. Everyone is literally dead.

Even you died that day.

You wondered what was still alive.

Or at least that's how you explained it to yourself, unable to accept that the same person who promised you the world had just taken it away from you.

You were lifeless. It didn't take much to conclude that.

All that remained was a fragile, frail and empty shell of a person once filled with love, dreams and passion.

You no longer had the strength to cry, or to utter any words. If it wasn't for Shoko, you wouldn't even eat, and if it wasn't for Gojo, you probably wouldn't sleep.

You could smile altogether now. The world of jujutsu never broke you, the person you loved did. But you didn't, even though it crossed your mind.

What an honour to be the exception to the rule.

Yaga sighed leaning against his expensive chair.

"(Y/N)." he called out, though you didn't even flinch "I don't want you to end up like this. As your teacher, I recognises your self-doubt as his personal failure. The situation that has befallen you is a very difficult one and I understand that you would need time to get things back to normal."

He leaned towards you "However, in this world we live in, we cannot afford such a luxury." you knew his eyes were drilling into you.

"It has been more than four months. Your condition is not improving, only getting worse. At your request, I have specifically let you skip part of your training." you heard him grinding his teeth, but not out of anger, but out of helplessness "I'm doing my best not to send you on missions in this condition, because I know that even if something attacks you-" he paused.

-you won't even try to defend yourself.’ you finished for him in your head.

He was right, you knew it, and so did anyone who would just look at you. You lost a lot of weight, your skin turned pale got a shade of gray, and your eyes lacked their former spark.

You could see that Yaga, in that silence, couldn't find the right words. When he opened his mouth to say something, you finally muttered, pausing his speetch.

"But Sensei, you should…" you raised your gaze from the one point where it was cumulative to look the man deep in the eyes

"..let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway."

★ --

Yaga sat in his office, surrounded by a silence that seemed to deepen his worries. Outside the window, the rain drummed against the glass as if to wash the weight of anxiety from his soul, but it only deepened his sense of helplessness.

Your words, haunted him.

‘Let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway' constantly echoed in his mind, like a silent cry of despair that gave him no peace.

Never before had he seen such emptiness in someone's eyes - an emptiness that testified that all hope, all will to fight, had been sucked out of you.

He was incapable of seeing Geto Suguru roll into a similar spiral.

It was a failure that has pursued Yaga, reminding him of the fragility of the human mind.

You are reminder of that too.

Now he saw the same symptoms in your - empty eyes, unresponsive to sensory input, avoiding contact with others.

Every day when you came to training was like seeing a ghost moving among the living, unable to fully return to life. You was physically there, but you soul seemed to be elsewhere, trapped in a place you couldn't get out of.

In this state, Yaga knew he had to seek advice from others.

He must act. He will not make this mistake again.

You will not be a case to regret.

And he had a lot of them.

He was the first to go to Shoko. He met her in the corridor, as busy as ever with her work, locked in a world where medicine was everything.

"Shoko, have you tried to talk to her? Something about her condition?" he asked, although he already knew the answer. Shoko sighed, not stopping for a moment.

"I'm not good at such conversations." she replied briefly, looking at him fleetingly, as if those words would explain everything. Yaga knew that Shoko was doing as well as she could, but he also knew, that she was avoiding emotion like a fire. She couldn't help you in this battle that was going on inside. She was only capable of healing you on the outside.

The next stop was Nanami. Always serious, always composed, Nanami was someone who could be counted on in the most difficult of times. However, when Yaga asked him the same question, the answer was equally overwhelming.

"I understand what she is going through. I've tried to reach out to her, but… she's silent. I don't know how I can help her when she won't talk.’" there was a note of helplessness in Nanami's voice that had never been there before. Yaga knew that he sympathised with you, that he had tried, but that he himself could not break through this invisible barrier you had built around yourself.

Last was Satoru, always the enigmatic one, always full of contrasts. Yaga found him in one of the training rooms as he watched the younger students' classes.

"Satoru, did you talk to her?" he asked, knowing that Gojo was someone who could see more than others.

"I don't talk. I just sit by her when she's awake. That's all I can do." replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Yaga felt a mixture of relief and sadness upon hearing these words. Satoru, in his typical style, had found a way to be beside you, but even he, with all his unlimited potential, could not pull you out of your state.

★ --

3 weeks after Suguru defected

Gojo was initially not supposed to get so involved.

He kept repeating to himself that he wasn't good at such things, that he didn't know how to talk about such topics, couldn't find a solution for you or show you something he should.

Your storm you showed him that day left a mark in him. It awakened something in him. He couldn't deny it. He just kept living in the belief, that he wasn't capable of doing anything about it. He didn't feel that there was anything in him that he could offer to help you. He never knew what to say, he never knew what to do. He felt hopeless about it. Satoru was not the kind of person who makes the same mistakes twice or never learns from them.

He blamed himself for Suguru's departure. He felt that his corruption was his fault. His lack of attention, his lack of interest, his powerlessness - his failure to adapt to such situations.

Gojo Satoru was the strongest, that was the reason he was born. It was what he was made for.

He was not made to come into contact with the problems of humanity, he was always above others, he never touched such topics. And now here you are. In front of him. You are showing him this.

You bring him closer to this subject, you prove to him that he, despite his title, is still human.

He feels exactly what you feel.

You are proof that the feelings he has inside him - make him human.

What ultimately made him abandon the idea of leaving the subject to himself was the sight of you. Soaking wet for long moments on the training field.

He saw you from a distance, as he walked with Shoko to class. He separated from her to letting her go ahead, saying he would catch up with her. The rain was dark and heavy. he didn't need an umbrella, so he walked throught it like was nothing. A white beam of light, walking throught the dark.

The sight of you, sitting on the training field with a bamboo sword, completely soaked - stuck in his mind. It was an image that spoke more than a thousand words. You were physically there, but spiritually you seemed to be far away, in a place where no words could reach you. Satoru, though usually full of energy and humour, this time simply walked up to you and without a word took your hand, pulling you out of the rain. You didn't even defy him as the force lifted your body and made you float slightly above the ground.

He sat you down in his room, giving you a towel to dry you off. Gojo left for a while, leaving you covered in towels and a warm blanket.

He quickly teleported to the kitchen, to brew a mug of warm tea for you. He waited patiently for the kettle to boil the water, tapping his fingers against the kitchen counter in thoughtfulness. He thought about bringing Shoko to you, as you might have caught a cold. Suguru had mentioned that you catch such colds quite easily.

As he moved back, he set his mug down on his notebook-cluttered desk and looked at you. You stood at the window, watching the rain that had kept the world quiet all day today.

"Why the rain?" he asked, trying to strike up a conversation. You did not answer immediately, still staring at the raindrops reflecting on the window.

After a moment, you raised your gaze, looking at him with a blank stare. "Because the rain is clean. It washes everything away. Maybe if I stood there long enough, it would wash me away too." Satoru felt his heart squeeze with pain at those words, but he didn't allow himself to have any emotional outbursts.

You sat like this for a long time, he beside you, looking out at the rain. In the silence that surrounded, he could feel how devastated you were, how much you had lost the will to live. He knew that these feelings would not disappear overnight. He was aware of that.

So from that moment on, Satoru implemented a plan that seemed strange and effective, exactly his style.

★ --

1 month after Suguru defected

The first month was a time of anticipation and patience for Satoru.

When he first entered your room, he felt the dense atmosphere almost overwhelm him. The quiet, enclosed room seemed as if trapped in time. You were sitting on the bed, your back turned to the door, shoulders tense. It was clear that your thoughts were far away.

Satoru closed the door behind him, then took a seat against the wall, far away from you, right next to the door. He sat down on the floor, pulled his gameboy out of his pocket and began to play, pretending it was a normal everyday situation.

At first you did not even look at him. Your gaze remained fixed on one point, as if you were trying to find a meaning in it that you could not find anywhere else. Satoru, however, was not bothered by this silence. He concentrated on the game, allowing you to get used to his presence while giving you space. Managing the space was his special skill.

Every day he would spend a few dozen minutes in your room, sometimes playing, sometimes bringing something to eat with him. Often he would sit there with a meal in his hand, eating slowly, and the sounds of munching were the only sounds in the room. He never tried to get you to talk, knowing that your personal space was crucial at that moment.

★ --

2 months after Suguru defected

The second month brought slight changes. Satoru, feeling that your reactions to his presence had become more bearable, decided to get closer.

Instead of sitting on the floor by the door, he took a seat in the chair by your desk, which stood slightly closer to the bed. When he entered the room, you looked at him - that was a success! Noticing change in his behaviour, but you took a quick glance at him, so he couldn't be happier. He passed you a small smile, that was a welcoming greeting.

Satoru stretched out comfortably in a chair, pulled out a book and began to read. Occasionally he would reach for his headphones to turn on some music for himself, shutting himself off from the world but still being there, at arm's length, if you need him.

There were days when he couldn't concentrate on reading, so he would just sit, watching you out of the corner of his eye. As time went on, he began to notice that you would sometimes glance at him, as if trying to understand why he came here almost everyday that was free for him, even though you didn't exchange a word with each other. Even when he was busy, your room was the first stop when he came back from any mission.

★ --

3 months after Suguru defected

In the third month, Satoru felt he could risk the next step.

When he walked into your room one day, instead of sitting in a chair, he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He felt your body tighten as soon as he sat down, but you didn't move away or ask him to leave. This was the sign he had been waiting for.

He pulled out his gameboy, fired up the game and started playing, sitting next to you. For a while, the silence was almost overwhelming, but as time passed, the atmosphere began to relax. Satoru noticed that although you still didn't speak, your presence had become somewhat more conscious.

He started bringing you food when Shoko couldn't. He felt that when he brought you something, you were more eager to glance at it. And you even took a bite of the sweet roll he left with you one day.

There were also moments when you started to move, as if you wanted to say something, but the words were stuck in your throat. Satoru did not push. He felt that these small gestures were a sign of progress.

★ --

4 months after Suguru defected

In the last month of this silent coexistence, Satoru decided to go all in.

When he entered your room, he didn't stop at the door or the chair. He immediately headed for the bed and lay down beside you without a word. He felt you body stiffen at first, but after a while you relaxed, accepting his presence. This was so strange, but so.. welcoming.

Both of you lay side by side, arms barely touching, but it was enough.

Satoru pulled out his mp3 player, turned on quiet music and placed it between you two, letting the soft sounds fill the silence. He watched the ceiling, occasionally glancing up to look at your face. The sight of it, now devoid of such deep pain as it had been in the beginning, made him relieved. He knew that your emotional state was still fragile, but he was sure that his presence was helping you in some way. You were helping him too, he just couldn't say that to you.

His presence in your room become such a small tradition, which he often looked forward to. Besides your dorm was a good escape for him, when he was looking for, there was never any thought that he could be at your place.

One day, as both you lay like this, you gently turned towards him and looked at him with a slightly softer expression on your tired face. You didn't need to say anything - your gaze said more than words.

Satoru smiled slightly at you, then closed his eyes, feeling that you had reached a state of understanding that was only possible through months of patience and perseverance.

He was content, that he could see your eyes weren't so empty or full of tears. That was a breakthrought, that he was so eager to welcome.

★ --

4 and a half months after Suguru defected

Satoru has not visited you for a week.

You knew he was back from a mission, because Shoko bringing you food mentioned it. She also said that it had been a long and exhausting one, on which they had sent him alone, with no support from even specialists.

It was already very late in the night, you had been waiting for him for a long time, and yet he had not come.

For the first time since moths, you got out of bed by yourself.

You poked your head out, to see if the light in his room was on, it still was. You were overwhelmed by a strange feeling, that you could not quite describe. You wondered what the reason was for breaking this little tradition you shared between the two of you.

You came to the conclusion, that he probably needed the space himself and was just using it. Although this seemed to you to be completely unsuitable for a person you came to know. Should you do something about this fact? You nervously bit your nail.

What if he now needs the same treatment that he used to give you? What if he just needs to be alone?

A conflict arose in your mind. You didn't know what to do, how to behave. You felt a little stressed as you slowly sat back down on the bed.

What should you do?

Your decision was made, when your foot visited the kitchens for the first time in months to brew a tea for him.

All you could hear in the quiet corridor was the soft creaking of the floor, as you approached the door of his room. The wooden gates were slightly open, as if Gojo didn't have the strength to close them fully. You carefully pushed it open with your hand, peering inside.

Satoru was lying on the bed, with his arms spread, as if the weight of the world was crushing him to the mattress. His white hair, always so perfectly styled, were a mess. Fortunately, he had managed to change into his pyjamas. There was an expression of extreme fatigue on his face, but when he heard quiet footsteps, he lifted his eyelids.

Your gazes met. You gently closed the door behind you, then stepped deeper into the room, setting your mug of warm drink down on the desk. Just as he had done this to you one time. Your limbs tremble slightly from the cold. Going to the kitchen in just your pyjamas and flip-flops at this time of year was a stupid idea.

You didn't exchange a word with each other. You blandly started playing with the sleeve of your nightshirt. You didn't need words to understand how tired he was, the slight bags under his eyes and messy look told you all you needed to know.

He changed positions on the bed, moving more towards the wall, grabbed a corner of the duvet and lifted it up. He made an inviting gesture with his head and his slightly glowing eyes went out.

You sat on the edge of the bed first. Feeling a little on unfamiliar ground. You had only been in his room a couple of times. The main place for you to hang out as a group was Suguru's room. Immediately you felt the warmth emanating from the sheets.

With a slow movement you lay down next to him, letting the warmth of the duvet and his scent greet you. The mattress bent slightly under you weight, as you turned to face him. You could feel how soft and molded his mattress was, how his pillow was pleasantly arranged. Your body slowly began to warm, heat waves spreading through your body, soothing your mind and dulling your senses. The air around you was warm, enveloping, and his presence added a strange sense of security that you hadn't felt in a long time.

You could feel your body relaxing more and more with each breath. You could hear the calm rhythm of his breathing, which worked on like a lullaby. You were so warm, not only physically, but also internally, as if this place, this moment, was exactly where you were supposed to be.

You slowly closed your eyes, feeling sleep begin to embrace you with it's softness. The thoughts that had been swirling around in your head just moments before, began to quiet down, giving a way to a blissful emptiness. The warmth of his body and regular breathing were like an focus points that, allowed you to pull your head away from your worries and sink into a peaceful sleep.

Finally, you allowed yourself to fully surrender to the moment. You fell asleep, with his hand still gently resting on your waist, in a place that seemed the safest in the world.

★ --

Satoru slowly opened his eyes, feeling the soft rays of the sun on his face. For a while he lay still, savoring the quiet of the morning and the warmth that beat from the body, cuddled into his. You were sleeping peacefully, your breathing was steady and deep, and face expressed the kind of calm he hadn't seen in you in a long time. He smiled slightly, pleased that you could finally truly rest.

He didn't want to wake you, but he knew the day was calling him. He shifted cautiously, reaching for the phone that lay on the bedside table. For a moment, he pondered how to play it, but quickly decided that the only person he could ask to do it - was Shoko.

you: "Take care of everything today? Thanks. >ᴗ<"

7:43 am

Sent a message, not waiting for a respond, he put the phone aside, before turning back to you.

He glanced at your face once more. You looked so peaceful, as if for a moment you had forgotten everything that had overwhelmed you for months.

Gojo gently ran his fingers through your hair, trying not to wake you up. He smiled, seeing how you moved slightly in his arms, as if you instinctively knew he was there.

He was so proud of himself, the sight of your sincere rest soothed his heart somehow. Thanks to him, you were finally able to rest. He felt satisfaction and contentment at the thought. He finally didn't feel so helpless and powerless. He felt that he had just done something, that at least one person, by some screwed up luck, had managed to be saved by him.

With a slight sigh, he closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into sleep again. He knew that he didn't have to rush anywhere, that this was a day they could spend relaxing, even if he had responsibilities and pressures on him, at this point he totally didn't give a damn. He fell asleep quickly, holding you close to him, enjoying the moment of comfort you brought to him as well.

You two slept all day, cuddled up to each other in warm cozy embrace.

With the peace and quiet you finally rested, as you both deserved.

© noira-l 2024 | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, or redistirbute my work without permission

tl (open): @kalopsia-flaneur

[haine-kleine]

after sitting with my thoughts about the epilogue for some time, I think the thing that broke the story had started right after Dabi's dance. said thing is LOV' utterly out of character treatment of each other and Shigaraki specifically.

them just standing there and passively observing the scene makes absolutely zero sense, if you use anything from their previously established relationships within the organisation for reference. especially with All for One's creepy comments. Spinner even points out shortly before this chapter that AFO!Shigaraki seems nothing like his normal self and this person is not the one he had chosen to follow.

and yes, Spinner does approach screaming Shigaraki and tries to help him, and his concern later leads him to seeing Shigaraki's mutated form in the cave, and on its own this development for Spinner is in line with his character and all around fine. pretty reminiscent of Toga and Twice, too.

(except Spinner is not allowed to really help Shigaraki in any way, unlike Toga was allowed to help Twice, and this entire thing between Shigaraki and Spinner only ends with Spinner's regrets and survivor's guilt instead of anything good or meaningful that isn't meaningless angst porn)

it isn't Spinner approaching Shigaraki that is the issue, it's the other's complete lack of action or even reaction besides appearing mildly disturbed. this is simply out of character for all of them, just judging by Twice's example who had similar breakdowns and wasn't plainly ignored by the others until his fit stops. this reaction makes even less sense, when you take into account the current state of the League. Twice had just been murdered by Hawks, the double agent who had infiltrated the League via Dabi, and Mister Compress had just sacrificed himself to give the League a chance for escape, and was sent to Tartarus immediately after his condition was no longer life threatening. Kurogiri is also being held captive by the heroes. there are only four of them left, with two dead and two captured. and none of them even mention the dead or the captured outside of the context of Kurogiri and his quirk.

this straight out makes no sense if you look back to the Overhaul arc and remember how far Shigaraki and the rest of them were willing to go to avenge Magne's death and Mr Compress' destroyed arm. this was important.

the event had motivated Shigaraki to be a better leader, because he had realized these people depend on him, and he won't let them be hurt under his protection. it had started the seed of self-doubt in Jin which would eventually grow to the desperation that allowed him to overcome the mental block against his quirk in the MVA arc, because he wanted to do everything he possibly could to help the League. it allowed him to make his clones despite the crippling trauma, because he saw Toga's hurt, bleeding body, and he didn't want her to die.

even fucking Giran, a broker whose very profession requires him to care about himself and his own well-being first and foremost, had sacrificed all of his fingers to prevent Redestro from getting his hands on the League. because he wants to protect them, to save them. and then we never actually see his mutilated hands or hear anything from him ever again.

and when Twice actually dies? all we get in response to that are two upset faces from Dabi and Toga's fury. that's it.

i really want to stress how out of character this barely-present reaction is, because Magne's example is right there and when Overhaul had killed her, the League knew each other for no longer than a month. this League has been together for at least half a year, had been through thick and thin together, had spent months on the run, homeless, having no one but each other to rely on, has defeated the Meta Liberation Army, quite literally, with the power of their friendship. they all cared enough about each other and Shigaraki specifically to stay with him during those months they had to fight Gigantomachia with barely any breaks for rest, still homeless, barely scraping by. it was imperative that they all survive through this together, especially for Shigaraki, who had went on this quest of getting stronger at least partly so that he would become a more reliable protector for the League. and when Twice falls victim to the hero who had murdered him in cold blood, because no one except for Dabi was there to save him, Shigaraki doesn't even get to react to Twice's death, and possibly never even learns about the fact.

on topic of Dabi, his reaction being exactly two frames of sad expressions and including the footage of Twice's murder into his broadcast, and ending immediately after that, also makes no sense. Dabi is someone who holds himself accountable and despite his declarations, cares about the League, it's the very reason he was keeping Hawks from the League and sprinted to Twice as soon as he realized Hawks' intentions with him, to protect him. Dabi's unsuccessful attempt to save Twice is another iteration of Overhaul, a combination of Shigaraki and Twice's roles in the tragedy. but unlike Shigaraki, who had steeled himself into taking care of his subordinates and becoming a responsible and strong leader, or Twice who had never forgotten about his role in the incident, Dabi just somehow forgets about the entire thing as soon as the first war is over. Toga is the one whom the narrative allows to actively react to Twice's death and express her grief. it makes sense that her reaction would be the strongest, as she was the closest with Twice, but why are two LOV members no longer allowed to care about the same incident at the same time? why aren't they allowed to protect each other anymore, when Giran, who is not even in the League, had made that sacrifice for them?

These are pretty small things, but it's these instances of Toga and Dabi preventing Machia from being injected with the sedative, protecting the League that are sorely missing in the second war.

and the biggest act of devotion and protection to the League, which was the last time we saw anything like this for them, Mister Compress' last moments with the League.

Mutilating his own body just to buy them five seconds to possibly escape. Because he loved the League, because he wanted all of them to be happy and achieve their dreams, to be free, and to live.

and in return for the favour, not only do they not come back for him like they did for Kurogiri (because his quirk is important for the plot, while Compress' isn't), but none of them mention Compress ever again. same with Twice (with the exception of Toga), same with Magne. from this point onwards, none of them are allowed by the plot to even care about the League of Villains. the interpersonal relationships between two individuals still shine through, occasionally, like Spinner's devotion to Shigaraki (and him alone), Dabi and Toga's pyromaniac trauma lane visit to her house and him giving her Twice's blood, Kurogiri reaching out to Shigaraki in the very end. but what about the League? ahd what about the dead members of the League, or Mister Compress?

somehow, at the point of the final war it boils down to the generalized conflict of heroes vs villains and the morality gymnastics involved in the concept. on its own, this would have been an okay development, if the examples the story was using to prove its point weren't people who had become very close friends and who had lost four people to this war against the heroes.

if the individual conflicts, like Toga's desperation to be acknowledged as human being deserving of affection, Dabi's familial abuse trauma and Shigaraki's lifelong manipulation by All for One not giving him any chance to be saved at all, were the finishing line of the villains' story development, why join them within the League at all? LOV is a separate concept functioning as a collective uniting all these villains, giving them a place to belong and people who give a fuck whether they live or die. except not anymore, because for some reason after the first war this concept is scratched completely.

so why not make them mere acquaintances who sometimes collaborate to bother the heroes together, if the bond between them got in the way of the story and wasn't the point of the story? why prove the depth of their bond with the Overhaul and My Villain Academia arcs? why make Shigaraki develop relationships and a sense of responsibility for these people at all, if in the very end his desire to save these people is denied by the author himself?

the previous arcs have spent a great deal of effort establishing that the villains are human too. they have human feelings, human desires and human relationships. so why is it that in the final arc their ability to experience human emotions towards each other is turned on and off manually by the author? at the very end even the author stops pretending like anything happening to the villains is evaluated on the scale of human experiences (unlike the heroes, whose injuries and deaths are talked about and mourned in great detail) and Kurogiri and Shigaraki are wiped out like plot inconveniences rather than important and well written characters.

honestly? it's ironically meta that the story ended up proving the very point it has spent 400 chapters arguing against.

[19-1-20-25-18]

Last info post. After this there will be more of full artworks.

Bill suffers from BPD and Stanford has autism.

Bill didn't realize that something was wrong with him until Ford created for him an analogue of pills for what he used to live with. He did not understand that constant outbursts of anger are not normal, that constant mood swings are also not the norm. Many do not see or hear what he sees when he is alone. After Bill began the course of treatment that Ford would prescribe with the advice of several therapists, he began to miss the old feelings. He didn't give out anything that could bring him joy again, or the filled feeling in his chest that was so pleasant to him. He was ready to face again what was hurting him and others. Bill didn't need sleep, but the side effects of the pills, which Stanford hadn't foreseen, were literally disabling his consciousness. He felt detached from the world, as if everything he did was meaningless. Nothing was as enjoyable as before. He tried to drown out these thoughts with work, not allowing himself to relax even for a minute, so as not to face the reality of what was happening again. But the further he went, the further he got away from Ford. He didn't like it.

This pushed him to give up the pills from time to time, after which all the symptoms returned with renewed vigor. Paranoia, mood swings, hallucinations in the form of his parents and their screams before death. He could hear them… "Why did you do that?" The emptiness inside him that he so desperately wanted to fill was coming back, hurting himself and a loved one. He stopped loving again, the world was divided into "black and white", when at one moment he was ready to sing Ford's praises, but at the slightest mistake, Ford turned into something terrible, something that was not worthy of love and something that deserved pain and all the anger and despair that Bill was testing it. Obsessive thoughts of murder, uncontrollable actions, a feeling of unbearable loneliness. All this came back to him with a new wave. It happened that Ford found Bill in a room full of broken things and torn wallpaper on which triangles were painted in blood… _

Bill has many forms. From young women to senile old men. He changed them depending on what people needed, he became someone they wanted to see and love. Having assumed his current appearance, he planned to cause terror in people and show his authority even with his appearance. But even with this look, Ford fell in love with him. It was only after that that Bill decided that this will be the only form he would take.

Bill can only relax when he is next to Ford. In all other situations, he cannot afford himself to do this, both for personal reasons and for reasons of his work.

Bill can also read minds, but after he married Ford, he never did this to him, as he respects him and his personal space.

At their first kiss, Bill couldn't keep his human form because of the influx of emotions. If Ford had reacted in any way incorrectly or said something that might have seemed wrong to Bill, he would have been dead a long time ago.

Ford has been investigating the origin of the triangle on ancient records for a long time. While Bill was with him all the time and listened to Ford's theories, sometimes agreeing with him or confusing him or carrying complete nonsense like: "I'm sure this triangle would be a good kisser."

During all the time that Bill was in the human dimension, he had countless husbands and wives whom he could never love. They either left him, or Bill left on his own. It happened that because of boredom, he stayed with a person for the rest of their life, emotionlessly watching their last moments of existence. And it was only with Ford that he could feel what love was. And along with this, the fear of losing a loved one, the excitement for him. If before that he did not know what the meaning of human life was: so short and worthless, now this "pathetic life" was all he lived for.

[hitoshitoshi]

Rafayel Gets A Cat...? Pt. 1 [Rafayel x Cat!Reader]

Oh, dear lord, this was Rafayel's biggest nightmare. It wasn't that MC cheated on him with their stupid teammate, or that stick-up-his-ass doctor, or even that criminal! This was the worst possible scenario. MC turned into a cat—not a cat-hybrid where Rafayel could ignore the ears and tail, but a fully fledged cat. MC had turn into a tiny cat, who barely even reached Rafayel's shin. Rafayel was currently hiding behind his couch, trembling as he thought about all the people he has wronged in his life, all the seafood that he's eaten that could've been his enemy's beloved pet or a loved one. What could Rafayel have done for his beloved bodyguard to become a wretched cat?!

Meow! Rafayel instinctually shuttered as he heard that ear grating meow come out of that thing's mouth, grabbing a paintbrush and pointing it at Cat!MC as though they were a wanderer — an enemy. "G-get away, you... you're not my bodyguard anymore, you're a beast! Don't get any closer!"

It was still unclear as to why Rafayel was utterly terrified when it came to cats, but for a Lemurian as strong as Rafayel, it must have been horrifying.

Cat!Mc, still being MC, just in a cat body, decided that this was the perfect time to toy with Rafayel. It was going to be revenge for all those times where Rafayel ordered them around to do meaningless tasks that wouldn't even benefit Rafayel at the crack ass of dawn, all the way to dusk. Cat!Mc took a couple backward steps, keeping eye-contact with Rafayel, who also backed up to keep his distance away from the cat, but his heart sank when his back hit the wall of the studio,. He began trying to reason with Cat!MC, pathetically, might I add.

"B-bodyguard, come on now.. let's try to be civil... you're still my bodyguard in that ugly cat bo— AH!" The mighty Lemurian's anguished cries echoed through the studio.

Cat!MC had a smug look on their cat face as they pounced on Rafayel, making to purr extra loud, rubbing their cute little face all over Rafayel's neck, chest, and face. This was torture for Rafayel, he immediately collapsed, his fell onto the floor with his eyes completely clenched shut, seemingly accepting death right at this instance.

This was torture for Rafayel, he immediately collapsed, his fell onto the floor with his eyes completely clenched shut, seemingly accepting death right at this instance. Rafayel was praying to whatever Lemurian Deity was out there right now to save him from his beloved cat-turned bodyguard, a way out, anything. He truly thought he was being punished for whatever sins he has committed thoughout his entire lifetime. Rafayel started begging underneath his breath for forgiveness, "Please, please, please, please, please. I'm sorry, I just want my bodyguard back." By this point, Rafayel's been rambling about how sorry he was and how much his bodyguard meant to him for a whole hour, his eyes all teary, thinking that it would always be like this. His beloved bodyguard... a cat. Cat!MC's cute little ears dropped as they noticed that their joke wasn't a joke to Rafayel. Even though they both did not know how to turn MC back to normal, Cat!MC felt bad for the fact that they taunted Rafayel in the first place, knowing his aversion to cats. Cat!MC stopped purring loudly, giving Rafayel one last lick on the cheek as an apology before settling down in Rafayel's lap, letting out a tiny meow as an apology as they curled up into a small ball. Rafayel stopped trembling after awhile, trying to come to terms that if he couldn't figure out a solution to all of this, his beloved would forever be a cat. He didn't know what to do. Rafayel didn't know what to think. This was still his bodyguard after all, the one who he cherishes the most. With a trembling arm, Rafayel reached out and he tried to push down his fears, petting Cat!MC's tiny head, letting out a small murmur, his voice was unsteady, he was reminding himself again and again that this was still his bodyguard. "L-let's... go get you some tuna, bodyguard." Cat!MC nuzzled their head against Rafayel's hand, happy that Rafayel still loved them, even in the form of Rafayel's greatest fear; a cat.

A/N: A multi-part Rafayel series in the makings. Not proofread. This is just self-indulgent and silly. If you like otome games, including Love and Deepspace, you should join Linkon Lounge! A discord server that's LGBTQ+ friendly (only serving those who are 18+) where we all can share our interests, talk to roleplaying bots (Caleb, Rafayel, Zayne, Xavier, and Sylus), and have fun game, movie, and stream nights where we stream games and/or cards that we pulled that others want to see. It would be super fun to have you as a member of our server. Click here to join Linkon Lounge!

Masterlist

[sugar-grigri]

Fans are Denji's source of unhappiness

First observation: Fumiko is worse than Barem

I don't like making meaningless comparisons, especially in a work like Chainsaw Man where when the characters aren't nuts, they remain at least morally gray. But this comparison makes sense in the sense that the construction of the chapter refers to it. As usual, let's analyze this by following the chapter's chronology.

This one takes place in a funfair, which is not an insignificant location, but we'll come back to that later. These few lines of dialogue already evoke a very simple idea: Denji isn't so stupid that he wouldn't know he was being manipulated. He knows full well that Fumiko was placed in Yoshida's care not to protect him, but to keep a close eye on him, to prevent him from turning and joining the church.

But she tries to disprove all this, evoking the ecstasy one might feel if one were Chainsaw Man. Being Chainsaw Man is also a source of unhappiness for Denji, who corrects her, and Fumiko adapts to his speech, looking for the first negative point that comes to mind. I think it was a real mistake for Fumiko to mention this point, but once again, she adapts to Denji's reaction. He's completely horrified at having been observed in the bathroom, so she shares his negative view of the situation.

She knows that Denji's main objective is sex-related, so she builds on that by downplaying what she's doing. This is fan behavior; fans are sexually obsessed with Denji in the hope that it will delight him. But Fumiko knows no bounds, either ignoring his consent or stalking him, which logically engages Denji's rejection reaction again.

Once again, he perceives the means of manipulation with the word "fan", and rejects it. So far, these experiences have only been negative and intrusive, and even when they have been positive, whether with Asa romantically or Power platonically, the demon of control, another female figure, has put an end to them.

But instead of stopping the manipulation, Fumiko goes on to confirm Denji's words even as they express pure disgust and rejection. For a character who knows absolutely no limits, she may also override stopping this conservation, but she continues with her family history. If public demon hunters know anything about Denji apart from his natural distrust and need for affection, whether sentimental or physical, it's his sensitivity.

I can't say that the story Fumiko tells is a complete lie, just as I can't say that she's telling the truth. She's a hunter, and anything she mentions could well have ended up in a report, especially given the national authorities' interest in the gun demon. But even if her story is true, the tragic aspect, not for her but for Denji, is even stronger.

Fumiko says she lost her parents because of the gun demon, that CSM didn't hear her cries for help. I'd like to remind you that chapter 79, the chapter in which she refers to Aki's death, is dedicated to the trauma of what it means to be Chainsaw Man.

For the demon from the future, Aki died in the worst possible way, not for him, but for Denji. It's clear that the little boy is forcing himself to continue this snowball fight he no longer wants to play.

At first, he tries to reason with Aki, forcing him to wake up, but when he himself is shot trying to spare one of his only loved ones, people won't let him lose. Chainsaw Man is a weapon of vengeance into which everyone projects their frustrations, the deaths of their loved ones. Denji was forced to be resurrected, to kill Aki not for himself, but for the community. Chainsaw Man never acts for himself. If Aki died in the worst way for Denji, it's because his fans, this community, forced him back to life to remove one of his sources of love.

Denji was traumatized by having to win.

Let's be clear: it wasn't Denji who ignored their calls for help, it was they who ignored his.

Isn't it tragic to criticize Chainsaw Man for not hearing Fumiko's cries for help, or the cries of all those people, when he was instead so compelled by them, like a machine that would be reset to kill a loved one ? Chainsaw Man, on the other hand, hears all the pain in the world. This doesn't mean that Denji is altruistic - he isn't. He's closer to amorality than compassion, but like a permanently dehumanized machine, he must serve others. It has no morals, so how can it live for itself ?

That's why what Fumiko says is so paradoxical: saving Denji means finally allowing him to live for himself, granting him the right not to hear all those voices.

She doesn't mean what she says when she says she's never thought of him as a god, but simply as a child in need of protection. She's only setting up a dissident discourse to that of the church, which idealizes him by banking on the part of identity that is Denji, while the church banks on Chainsaw Man. How can someone who is constantly sexually abusing Denji be competent to protect a boy?

This chapter is about setting limits for children. To have access to the merry-go-round, you have to be over 1m10 tall. These clear limits were never set for Denji, either when he was forced to kill Aki or even when he explores his sexuality.

Having killed his father, been martyred by the mafia and then manipulated by a demon, Denji is now at the heart of other vicious circles. He's condemned to being too young an adult, watching over Nayuta like a parent while children play behind him, not enjoying the funfair with friends, a girlfriend, being cloistered on that bench. The bench represents the stagnation in Denji's life, his questioning, placed on the bench of his own life, his name unknown to his fans, his nature instrumentalized, his age ignored.

Denji needs and must be considered with the age he is, a 17-year-old teenager. Yet even this characteristic, even the fact that he's still a child, is ignored by Fumiko, hence her insistence on the word "senpai".

The treatment of Fumiko is good, I find her to be the very embodiment of Denji's sexual trauma in the sense that she constantly manipulates him to play on his interests, and constantly ignores his own desires, his limits.

Fumiko manipulates, hence the emphasis on her outraged expression when Barem interrupts. If Barem's manipulation is more grotesque, it's not to manipulate Denji but to mock Fumiko's strategy. Although it's incredibly more insidious, the weapon has a clear idea of what she's up to.

And yet, in just a few sentences, it's right on target. It's much closer to Denji's reality than to Fumiko's human perspective. Weapons are seen as weapons, machines at the service of humans, whose immortality is a pain, as it leads them to the trauma of always winning.

Barem uses a cigarette, obviously reminiscent of those smoked by Aki, who had given in to Himeko's advances and needed an outlet for his stress. Aki's misfortune is to have spent his life on revenge, living to avenge the dead, not living for himself. The cigarette was his flaw, the proof of his humanity, the one he threw at Denji to spare him the pain of getting involved in the horrible business of hunting demons.

Whether or not it was there to manipulate Denji by reminding him of his older brother, whether or not it was there by chance, it conveyed the same message: proof of the humanity of a man who lived for others. A man who was executed once again for that same community.

This community, Denji's fan club, is the cause of his deepest misfortune. Chainsaw Man has never been so popular, yet Denji has never been alone. Because he's not allowed to have loved ones. Nayuta, too, is proof of this: she wants her brother for herself, and convinces him that he's loved by others by acting under the cover of Chainsaw Man.

That's why Denji's intervention to stop the attack in progress is much less certain. All these fans, this humanity waiting for Chainsaw Man, are the source of his misfortune. Of course the fan club will call Chainsaw Man. What's less obvious...

Will Denji listen to their cries for help?

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Seven Days to Fall Again | Saturday | Jeon Jungkook

Inspired by the MV "Seven" by Jung Kook ft. Latto (obvi lol) Summary: Life is meaningless without you. Who knew a broken heart could be shattered twice? Pairing: Reader x Jungkook (almost exes to lovers lol) Word Count: 3.2k ~ (sorry I took forever to update) Warnings: Explicit language, angst, mentions of an accident and death (nothing too crazy) a/n: Hope you guys like this one! I wasn't sure how I would go about including the whole funeral thing in the mix but I think I did alright lol Lemme know what you think! Start from the beginning

After finishing my shower last night I didn't even bother drying my hair or putting clothes on. All I could manage to do is barely make it to my bed and once my head hit the pillow the sobbing just wouldn't stop. 

I don't know how long I laid there, sobbing and sobbing and sobbing until my head was pounding and I couldn't push any more tears out. Something about last night shattered the fantasy of being able to move on with my life and feel happy without him when the truth is I don't think I can. 

Even though this whole week has been nothing but him barging into my life and always doing something to make things more difficult it's as if deep down I was happy he was still trying, happy that he wasn't gonna give up on us. 

I love him. I love him so much that being with him was the only thing that ever mattered. 

I wanted him to want me just as much as I wanted him but with how our lives have been recently I just felt like I was just there. Just another person that he interacted with and nothing more. It hurt to have him come home and have nothing to say to me, no time to do anything and not even an ounce of energy to spend on me. 

He my boyfriend for fucks sake! We should be spending time together and eating together and laughing and smiling together. Why have simple things like that disappeared almost entirely? 

I love him, I love everything about him but if it's come to this point that I have to question myself day after day if I'm the one who has done something wrong, done something to make him treat me like this...then I don't think we're meant to be together. 

Relationships are about trusting and loving each other and being able to give them your love. But he hasn't shown me that he loves me at all with the way he's been acting and he hasn't given me the opportunity to show him my love either. 

I just don't understand!

Reaching out for my phone I jump at the feeling of it vibrating right away, showing me that I have an incoming call.

After taking a quick glance to check the caller ID it's already got me on edge. "Hello?" I say groggily but am cut off by the sounds of heavy breathing and hospital noises in the background. 

"Y/n, y/n please you have to come quick he-" "Okay slow down take a deep breath and tell me what's going on" I coach Jimin when I hear the panic in his voice. He takes a big gulp of air and lets it out before continuing with a shaky voice. "It's Jungkook" he says and my heart stops. 

"W-what do you mean it's Jungkook? What happened?" I say, throwing the covers off of me and running around my room, grabbing clothes and franticly throwing them on. "I don't know I just, they said that there was an accident and they brought him here but there was so much blood and-" "Did he make it?" I question and I'm met with silence on the other end. "Damnit Jimin is Jungkook okay?" I shout, shaking and gripping onto the phone until my knuckles have gone pale. 

"He-he didn't make it. They said it was too late that there was nothing they could do..." he says but my arm drops and with it takes Jimin's voice. My breathing picking up as it starts to sink in. 

"Oh God what have I done?" I whisper to myself, my whole body shaking and my vision getting blurry with the tears that are bound to never stop. 

"Y/n! Y/n answer me! I'm coming over" I can hear him shouting at me from the other side and I pick it back up and let out a silent 'okay' and hang up the phone before my knees give out and I fall to the ground. 

"If I wouldn't have let him go, if I would've just asked him to stay he would-" I say aloud but cut myself off with a sob and rest my head on my bed, the sheets muffling the sounds of my screams. I'm never going to be able to forgive myself for this, I shouldn't have been so hard on him I should've just heard him out...

~~~~

Once I feel as if my sobs have died down I take that as an opportunity to get a glass of water but before I'm able to get there I hear a panicked knock on the door. I rush to open it and grasp onto him as tight as I can and not daring to let go. 

"Shhh, shh I know" Jimin comforts me, rubbing my back as he walks in, still holding onto me and guiding us both over to the couch. "Jimin h-he was here last night and I just let him walk away and I-" "Hey, don't do that, you couldn't have known that this was going to happen" he says, holding me tighter in his embrace, telling me not to go there. 

"Do his parent's know?" I ask after I've calmed down again, pulling away and sitting up to face him. "Yeah they do and they're on their way already. They're having the funeral today" he says while pushing the tear dampened strands of hair out of my face.

"Today? They can't have it today! What about the rest of his family?" I question, surprised that a funeral could even be put together so quickly. "They want to have a small intimate gathering for now and then tell everyone later. It's just too painful and they want it done quietly" he says and I nod my head, respecting his parent's wishes. 

"What time does it start?" I question, wiping away the tears that keep falling. "At five" he say, cringing at the time constraint we've been left with. "Jimin that's two hours" I say, shocked that they would be able to even be emotionally capable of setting everything up so quickly. 

"I know but this was the only spot they had available" he says and I nod my head, not bothering to ask for more details since nothing else really matters right now. "Will you take me to the funeral?" I ask, knowing for a fact that I wouldn't be able to make it there on my own. 

"Of course" he replies placing a hand on my shoulder and giving me a sad smile. "I'm gonna go home real quick and change and then I'll come back for you" he explains, placing a quick kiss on my forehead and heading out the door. I sit there and let a few more tears fall before pulling myself together and getting up to get ready. 

I don't bother putting on any makeup since there's no reason to. My boyfriend is gone and I'm not going to hide the sadness that I feel or cover up the gaping hole in my chest that once held my heart. The heart that always belonged to him and will forever stay with him. 

How could I have been so stupid? I should've made him stay. Maybe then things would be different. 

~~~~

As Jimin and I walk into the little chapel they're holding the funeral in I first lay my eyes on Mrs. Jeon who is putting up a stronger front than I thought she would. It probably hasn't hit her yet, the fact that her youngest son has been taken from her. 

Mr. Jeon is the one that notices us and comes over immediately and gives me the warmest hug I've ever received. "I'm so sorry" is all I can manage to choke out, not being able to hide my tears as I feel them start to form again, my vision going glossy. 

"Me too" he responds and leads me over to Mrs. Jeon who pulls me in close right when she sees me and that's when I lose it. "I know, it's gonna be okay. Don't worry love it's gonna be alright" she says while stroking my head, trying her best to calm me down. I choke back the sobs as much as I can but no matter how hard I try, the tears never stop. 

After a few more moments with them Jimin escorts us to our seats, just one row back from the front and I notice that I don't recognize the people in front of us, or anyone else for that matter. I brush it off and take a tissue out of the box that's placed in front of me and take deep shaky breaths in and out, finally quieting down as soon as the officiant walks up to the podium.

"Who is that?" I whisper to Jimin, taking in the gorgeous woman who is presiding over the ceremony. "Not sure but she's beautiful" Jimin says, while checking her out. I elbow him in the side and he holds back a groan in pain from the contact. 

"Not the time nor the place for that Jimin" I scold and he apologizes quietly before we continue to listen to the ceremony and as soon as she opens up the floor for people to come up and say some things that we remember about Jungkook we all watch in horror as the lid to the coffin opens and out comes a perfectly healthy Jungkook. 

We all just sit there stunned, not knowing what to do in this situation so Jungkook decides to break the silence. "Thank you so much everyone for coming. I'm sorry to have sprung this on all of you but your dedication has truly moved me" he says while climbing out of the coffin. 

"Y/n" he says, everyone now turning towards me and watching my every movement. "Please don't hate me for this but I just hoped that in doing this you would see how much we both love each other still and how I truly cannot live without you" he says while everyone sighs, acting as though this is somehow romantic. 

"Please will you give me another chance?" he asks, holding his hand out to me and I'm still frozen, flabbergasted that he would go this far. 

Jimin pokes me in the side to bring me back to reality and whispers a quick "Say yes" in my ear, encouraging me to take his hand. I take a deep breath and stand up, smiling at him sweetly and his eyes light up, waiting for that answer he's desperately been hoping for. 

"Go to hell" I growl and walk down the aisle, storming out of the place, not bothering to look back even as a commotion starts to settle in.             

"Y/n wait!" I hear Jungkook call after me, grabbing my wrist to keep me from getting to far but I rip it out of his grasp and turn around to face him. 

"You know I cried for you. I cried so hard I didn't know if I would ever stop. I cried for you last night and I cried even harder when I found out. I blamed myself for your death. I told myself 'If I just would've made him stay then he would still be here' I woke up thinking about how much I really love you and how I wanted to be with you again and then I get the call and it rips my heart out. I never would've forgiven myself" I shout at him, utterly heartbroken by this. 

"You know, something like this might've worked for your little actor friends but this is probably the worst thing you could've ever done to me. Jungkook I thought you died! You let me believe that you were dead and made me feel guilty about letting you go. Don't you see how fucking sick and twisted this is?" I continue, letting out angry tears as my voice gets louder and louder. 

"Y/n I'm sorry it was never supposed to be like this I jus-" "You just what? Huh? Wanted to see how broken I would've been without you? Wanted me to see how I don't want to live without you? Well you got your wish! Mission accomplished" I scoff, turning to leave and he stays frozen in place, this time letting me go. 

Jimin chases after me, begging to let him give me a ride home which I agree to because honestly I want to get out of here as soon as possible. Leaving behind that fucked up charade he pulled and made everyone play into. 

~~~~

"He never meant to hurt you you know?" Jimin says once he pulls up to my apartment complex. "Well he sure as hell has a funny way of showing it" I scoff, reaching for the handle to open the door. "He just doesn't want to lose you. I know he's been trying but he doesn't know what else to do" Jimin continues, leaving me leaning back into my seat again, knowing that he won't be letting me leave that easily.

"So his solution was to scar me for life?" I say, cocking an eyebrow at him and he turns away, guilt written all over his face. "Was everyone in on it except for me?" I question and he cringes before nodding his head slowly. "Great, just great" I mumble, opening the car door and slamming it behind me. 

"Just hear him out, please" is Jimin's last sentiment but I don't give him an answer as I turn and make my way to my apartment. If he thinks he's getting another chance after he's pulled a stunt like that then he's even more delusional than I thought he was. 

~~~~

Clearing my head is proving to be a lot more difficult especially when Jungkook's been blowing up my phone ever since I left. I don't understand how he could possibly think pulling a prank like that would make me want to take him back. He's just grasping at straws at this point but I guess I'm partially to blame since I really didn't give him a chance to say his piece. 

If I give him a chance now he's gonna think shit like that works on me but maybe I should just scold him and make it clear that that's not gonna get him anywhere with me. I groan and throw my head into my hands, sitting on the couch and stressing about what my next move should be and when I hear his all too familiar knocks on the door I know that I've run out of time. 

"Come in" I call out, full well knowing he still has his key on him and so I'm met with the sound of him unlocking the door before closing and locking it behind him, making his way into the apartment and onto the couch as carefully as he can. Doing whatever he can to keep me from blowing up on him. 

"Why would you do something like that to me" I say quietly after we've sat in silence, close to tear again with all the events of today and last night running through my mind all over again. "I'm so sorry Noona I just, well I didn't know what to do. After last night I was going insane. I was running out of ideas and so I stupidly thought of this plan at like three am and... I guess you know the rest of it" he trails off, full on admitting to his stupidity. 

"Anything decided at three am is probably a bad idea" I scoff, now understanding his mindset. He nods before hanging his head in shame, continuing to realize how idiotic this whole train wreck was. "What I did was stupid and insensitive and traumatizing and I apologize. I had no intention of hurting you" he says, placing his hand on top of my knee in an effort to show sincerity. 

"I know you didn't" I mumble, getting up from the couch and walking out onto my balcony, gazing up at the night sky. I take a few deep breaths to clear my head and calm my nerves before bothering to say anything else. 

As soon as I open my mouth though I'm met with two strong arms wrapping around my waist from behind and a head balanced on top of mine. "I'm so sorry Noona" he whispers, voice cracking, almost as if he was crying which from a few moments later after feeling a tear drop fall on my head I come to realize that he actually is. 

I turn around in his hold wordlessly and grasp onto him, holding him as close as I possibly can while we both cry, needing each other to really be able to heal. "Can we please talk now?" he asks and I nod my head into his chest before letting go and taking his hand while guiding us both over to the couch. 

"I just want you to know that I've thought a lot about what you said about me not being here or spending time with you and I've started to realize that I really have been distant. I haven't been taking time to appreciate you or love you so I just want to apologize for that. After what you said I started to realize that your love languages might be physical touch and quality time and I have fallen short on both sides. Now that I've realized that I'll pay closer attention to making sure your needs are met because I never want you to feel unloved by me. Ever" he says, squeezing the hand that he's still holding before continuing. 

"I know I've been busy on set with these last few episodes being filmed but that's still no excuse for not being here and I know that. I just have such a work minded attitude that I forget about the rest of my life sometimes and I know that a lot of that falls on you. If you give me the chance I really want to change and love you right this time. The way you deserve to be loved because if I could I would devote all of my time and attention to you. Every hour, every minute, every second because I never want to lose you. I don't want to give up on us" he says and I look up from my lap to see where our hands are connected when I feel a teardrop fall on them. 

"What can I do? What can I change to make it right? I'll do anything just please, don't leave me" he says. I look up at him and see a brilliant galaxy in his eyes, glassed over with crystal clear tears and my heart just breaks at the sight of him. 

I didn't realize until now just how hurt he might've been by this breakup too. I never wanted to acknowledge how heartbroken he looked every time I rejected him because I was too focused on me and my feelings. 

"Baby I'm sorry" I let out through choked sobs before pulling him in and resting my forehead against his. "I'm sorry I didn't even think about how this might've been hurting you too and I just, I want us to be together. I won't leave you Jungkook I promise" I sob and he pulls me in closer and smashes his lips against mine, kissing away our sorrow and pain and frustration and everything in between. Mending the shattered pieces of our hearts and making them one. 

Friday / Sunday Series Masterlist

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[rogueddie]

Steve has always been confused when people describe family- the structure, what it means to them, any of it. His parents were always distant with him. The babysitters they hired weren't any better.

He's never really considered family important or significant. It's a meaningless word to him. He has his relatives and that's it. He doesn't have any family, not the way people describe it as anyway.

Well. He used to think like that. He thought like that for a while and, for most of that time, he was right. But it very quickly turned around.

It started with Dustin.

The kid was clearly in awe of Steve. Steve had seen it clear as day and found himself desperate to keep him safe. And he did- he worked hard to keep the brat alive, despite repeated efforts to undermine that. And Dustin is so fiercely loyal.

"You die, I die!" Dustin had yelled at him once.

Steve had stared at him, with a sudden cold realization; he loves Dustin. The kid is his family. A weird mix between a little brother and a son. And Dustin clearly felt just as strong for him.

He already knew how ready he was to die for Dustin. He knew now, without a doubt, that nothing would be able to stop him from keeping him safe.

But, he reasoned, one pseudo-kid is enough.

Then Lucas had turned to him one summer. He wanted to get into basketball and knew Steve used to play. It was supposed to be simple practices, some tips and things like that. Nothing special, just advice between friends. Because that's all they were, at the time.

Over the summer, with all the time spent together, they quickly because good friends. And, again, Steve kept telling himself that it's just that. Friends. He's already got a weird pseudo-kid with Dustin.

Watching the game, however, quickly shatters that illusion. As soon as Lucas had stepped onto the court, Steve thought; "thats my kid!"

And Steve thought having one kid was a blessing- a horrible, sarcastic, needy blessing but a blessing none-the-less. Having two is chaotic, but oddly comforting. They're both so different and fill spaces in his heart he hadn't known were empty. They're more family than Steve had ever thought he'd be allowed to have.

But Max had quickly stepping into the picture.

There was always something about her that made Steve feel even more protective. Their first real time spent together being that van, the demodogs, definitely didn't help. He doesn't think he'll ever forget hearing her scream. He doesn't think he's ever moved as fast as he had then.

Seeing Billy getting aggressive with Lucas had only heightened it all. He'd only known Max a few days when he realized that she would never be able to shake him now.

Even when Max tried to push him away, after Billys death, saying the cruelest things she could thing of to get him to back off, he hadn't. He'd simply started to call her parents instead, made sure they knew if they needed anything, if Max ever wanted to vent to him again, he's still there. He's still waiting.

Seeing her in a hospital dead, essentially dead just… it feels like someone has shoved their arm down his throat and pulled his lungs out. Like someone has taken something so vital...

The only comfort, the only person who seems to settle him, is Eddie Munson. But... Eddie isn't part of his little pseudo-family. He wants him to be. He doesn't. It's... confusing. Because he likes Eddie.

Eddie, who lets Steve hold his fingers to his wrist so he can feel his pulse. Eddie, who insists on being moved into a wheelchair so Steve isn't sat in Maxs room alone. Eddie, who doesn't let anyone make Steve go home even though he probably should. Eddie, who looks at Steve like he hasn't failed him or the kids.

One day, Steve asks. He has to, he has to know.

"You're a good dad to them," Eddie explains. He quickly holds up a hand when Steve tries to deny it. "You are. And you aren't the only one who forgets it. You need someone to look out for you too and, since Buckley is too busy hitting on your ex, you're stuck with me."

"I'm not stuck," is all Steve could think to say.

"Hm?"

Steve ducks his head, tries to pull back but Eddie just holds onto his hand tighter. "I'm not... I don't feel stuck. With you."

"Good."

Steve glanced up. Eddie rewarding him with a bright grin, lifting his hand up to kiss the back of it. Steve can feel his face heating up. He doesn't feel embarrassed though, hopes the little smirk means that Eddie is taking his blush as encouragement.

[malereadermaniac]

Hogwarts Heart-throb ~ Cedric Diggory x Male Reader

Golden boy of Hufflepuff, hogwarts' heart-throb, is actually gay! ALSO! For the purpose of this fic, I've added 2 more years to hogwarts so that Cedric is now 19 Top!Cedric x Bottom!Reader word count: 2.7k Sfw & Nsfw / MDNI ~ amab m!reader / FDNI Cw: Fingering, Praise kink, Mirror sex

Everyone at Hogwarts liked him

Girls wanted to be with him & guys wanted to be him

Cedric Diggory was the golden boy of Hufflepuff - maybe even Hogwarts

And even though he was popular, he's remained single for the past two years

People speculate it was because of his near death experience during the games

But the real reason was something Cedric could barely come to terms with himself

Yes, the heart-throb of Hogwarts is gay

Don't get him wrong! He's happy with that, but he isn't out to anyone whatsoever

And that's where you come in

(Y/n) (L/n) the Hufflepuff wizard, who is Cedric's only reason to want to be out and proud

You made him want to show you off

Flaunt that you were his and make sure everyone knew you two were together - so that no one tries anything funny with you

But how did you get him to like you so much?

It started 2 years ago, that's right, you were also his awakening

The term before the games had been announced, on a normal day, Cedric was heading to the library. During this time of day, it was almost fully empty. But when the brunette turned the corner to his usual, secluded table he stopped in his tracks when he saw another student sitting at the table. He eyed up the yellow scarf and recognised you as the boy in his year and house that he shared one single class with - other than that, you were barely in his life, even in the bedroom you two were on opposite ends.

Though, as Cedric was about to leave for another table, you looked up and locked eyes with him. That's when he first noticed something was up because no man should be making his cheeks turn just ever so slightly pink. He noticed your (h/c) hair and how well it framed your face, your eyes were almost entrancing that he couldn't break the eye contact, and Oh Merlin when you smiled at him Cedric swore his heart stopped for a second.

"Did you wanna sit here?" You ask with a warm smile, looking up from your notes

For a moment, Cedric remained quiet, mainly thinking about what he should say but partially still admiring you.

"Yeah... sure" He says with his usual, charming smile

And that was the start of this whole ordeal

Cedric didn't know that what he was starting to feel was love, but instead, he chose to deem it as taking a liking to you

To be fair to him, you weren't like the others, unlike the other guys you didn't obviously envy him or try to pander to him and make him like you

And even though he'd heard rumours of you being gay, you didn't fawn over him like the girls or try to flirt with him painfully

Cedric liked it. You treated him as any other person

You were chill around him in the library

And when he saw you in the hallway the next day, you didn't try to cling to the 2 hours you'd shared the day before like any other person he'd met

But instead, you just smiled at him and kept walking with your friend

That whole day he couldn't stop thinking about you

He wanted to speak with you

More than just a few meaningless words but rather have a proper conversation with you

And so the next day, during your transfiguration class that the two of you shared

Cedric decided to move to sit next to you

And after one whole year of being friends, chatting, hanging out

Cedric finally realised that he liked you

Actually

That's a lie, Cedric came to terms with the fact that he liked you after a year

He realised he liked you during the games, when after the second trial, frantic thoughts ran through his head that of it would have been you under the water instead of Cho, he wouldn't of know what to do

Also, after nearly dying at the grave yard, Cedric could only think about you during what he thought was his final moment

But nevertheless

Cedric knew that he liked you

He knew he would definitely grow to love you

And the thoughts of what could be if he just asked you out already kept him up at night

So one day, he asked you to meet him in a quiet hallway and he spilled his guts to you

It was sweet. He couldn't stop complimenting you, and he couldn't look you in the eye, and he just could not stop talking

You had to shush him with a kiss

Which Cedric gladly accepted, wrapping his arms around your waist and keeping the soft kiss going

"I like you too, Cedric" you giggle after breaking the kiss

That was all Cedric needed to hear

His face had a faint pink hue now, and the biggest grin was plastered on his face

And everything just got better and better from that point on

To your other friends, you and Cedric were just best friends

But behind closed doors, the two of you were a perfect couple

Date nights every Saturday and Sunday

Cedric switched beds to sleep closer to you, and once everyone is asleep, he sneaks into your bed and the two of you cuddle all night long

Once the two of you became 9th years, you only had to share a room with one other person

And of course, Cedric made sure that you two shared a dorm room

"Hey, Cedric!" You say with a huge smile when you run into your boyfriend in the hallways between classes

"Hey b- (y/n)" Cedric says with a small smirk. The two of you always slipped up, but it was never too bad

"Meet me in our dorm after lessons" your brunette boyfriend whispers in your ear as he passes you

So you did, and there he was, waiting for you on his bed.

"Darling~ You're here!" Cedric says with a smile, standing up to walk over to you

"Yeah? What did you want to do?" You reply, mirroring Cedric's smile as he cups you cheeks and gives you a prolonged peck

"Well..... Let's have sex" Cedric whispers after breaking the kiss, his nose pressed against yours as his honey eyes stare into yours, looking for your reaction.

Now, the two of you most definitely weren't virgins

Cedric had done shit with girls in the past, and you had a bit of experience under your belt as well with guys

And you'd given your boyfriend blowjobs before - in bathrooms, empty hallways, and even the common room late at night - and he's a big fan of those

But you two had never gone further than that, which scared you a little

"Umm... Now? ....Sure" you say hesitantly, but with a determined smile on your face.

Cedric's grin was even bigger than when you first agreed to blow him

He was a little worried, though

"You know I've never... done it with a guy, right?" Cedric whispers, looking down at you with dusted pink cheeks

"I know, Cedric. I can guide you if you'd like?" You say with a smile, kissing your boyfriend's cheek, and then his lips, and then his jaw

"I'd like that a lot, (Y/n)" the golden boy mumbles

You carry on kissing his neck, down to his collar bone, and pulling his gown to kiss him even lower

Cedric cupped your face and kissed you again, more passionately this time

His tongue pushing into your as you moan into his mouth

As the two of you make out, Cedric taking the lead, you both pulled each others clothes off, sliding the silk fabric off of each other until you were both left in your undergarments

You'd seen most of your boyfriends underwear by now from the number of times you'd blown him

Tonight, he's wearing some run of the mill black boxers with a golden yellow waist band

Cedric, on the other hand, had only seen you shirtless

So blood rushed not only to his cheeks but also his dick when he saw you almost fully naked, sporting some tight, black boxer briefs

Cedric admired your body. He'd only seen it and felt it when visiting his family with you or vice versa

You noticed his eyes were lingering and got a little embarrassed, but decided to have some fun

"You can touch me if you want, Cedric" you say with a warm smile

"Don't mind if I do, Darlin" Cedric said, effortlessly oozing charisma

With your hands on his shoulders, you watched Cedric's face as his hands caressed your skin, feeling around your waist and hips and even ass

His face was a mix of cute and incredibly attractive, the brunette was biting his lip and blushing as he felt your body

His boner now evident

You kissed him, and felt his body as well

Your boyfriend was muscular yet lean, he felt great, strong and smooth

His arms felt as if they could lift you no matter your weight

When you broke the kiss, you looked into Cedric's golden eyes

"Now, I'm gonna go lie on the bed, and I'm gonna need you to prep me" you say, explaining to your clueless boyfriend what to do

"Prep you?" He asks, genuinely confused, tilting his head to the side and furrowing his eyebrows

You could feel your heart melt

"Merlin... this is embarrassing... I'm not a girl, so you can't just shove it in, baby" you say with a bright red blush in your face

"Oh shit yeah... what do I need to do?" Cedric asks, holding your hand and playing with your fingers

He cared a lot, Cedric never wants you to feel uncomfortable

You sit on the edge of his bed and drag him in front of you

"I need you to pull off my undergarments, wet your fingers, and... prep me... understand?" You say with an embarrassed grin

"Ohhhh... yeah, I understand you perfectly, (Y/n)" a grin contorted Cedric's face, confusion no longer present but instead replaced with his excitement from before

Next thing you know, Cedric placed his palm on your chest and pushed you down onto his bed

You giggle as you feel his slender fingers slip under your boxers and pull them off of your hips

You raise your feet onto the bed, legs spread for your boyfriend

"Wow... you're so sexy, darlin" Cedric mumbles, making your heart flutter

You can hear a soft wet sound and a small pop

You then realise Cedric must of been sucking his fingers, because not even 5 seconds later, his hands were spreading your cheeks

And Cedric's wet fingers were circling your entrance

You were a little scared but mostly excited

And when Cedric started to push against your hole, you knew you were in for a long and incredible night

The golden haired boy gently pushes the tip of his index finger against your hole

Once it slid it effortlessly, Cedric watched with wide and excited eyes as you clenched around him

"Nghh..." you whine, the feeling of the intrusion being something you know but aren't used to

Slowly, Cedric started to move his fingers

Clearly he has had experience like this

But you didn't mind at all, probably because of the way Cedric was working your hole

His soft fingers gently pressing against you walls, spreading your hole for his pleasure

Cedric admired your entrance, how when he scissored his fingers open your hole gapes and winked at him

"Fuck... you're so hot, (y/n)" Cedric mumbles with a flushed face but a shit eating grin plastered on his face

"Oh yeah? Merlin.... you're so good with those fing- MHHNNN!" You stared to say breathily, however you were kindly interrupted by Cedric's fingers pushing against your prostate

"Fuck! Are you okay, (y/n)??" Cedric worries

"I'm great.... you just hit that one spot that shatters my world in the best way possible"

"Oh... I'll get back to that then, darlin' "

40 minutes pass, your hole sloppy and loose after Cedric practically abused it with his fingers

You were moaning mess already, your dick twitching as precum spilled onto your stomach, saliva drooling down your chin as you moan like a whore

"I think you're fine by now" Cedric chuckles as you whine from the loss of his fingers

But as you ground yourself again as your boyfriend kisses you deeply, you notice that his fingers are about to be replaced by something better

You watch as the golden boy if Hogwartz whips out his monster cock from his briefs

It's pretty dick, around 7 inches, a tidy bush of blonde-ginger pubes and loose, saggy balls - with one thick vein down the side of his shaft

"Fuck.... I love you" you say with a giggle and a blush as your return your eyes to Cedric's

"Hmhm... I love you too, darlin'.... My darling (y/n)"

Cedric's arms move to either side of your head and his face is just inches from yours

"Am I alright to put it in, I'm so desperate for you..."

"Go ahead, sexy" you say flirtatiously

The two of you chuckle and kiss each others faces, you gasp when Cedric starts to push the tip of his cock

Merlin... it feels incredible

You moan and gasp and whine in pure pleasure, Cedric's prepping getting rid of any possible pain

"Fuuuu.... Unnnnhh" Cedric groans as you tighten around him once he bottoms out

You move your hands to cup his face, which is scrunching in effort as to not cum immediately

The two of you kiss

A passionate, slow kiss as Cedric starts to rut into you

"Hngg..." you moan into your boyfriend's mouth

The sound of the hufflepuff's hips slapping against your bare ass echos throughout the room

Along with your moans and Cedric's, as well as the wet squelches of your lips and hole

"Fuck you're too good... (y/n)... fuck I love you" Cedric whispers breathily into your ear

His praises make your dick twitch

He was good too, really good

"Fuck... you're so good, Cedric... Ahhh Cedric..." you moan

Cedric pushes himself up, looking down at you with a grin on his face

He watches as you wiggle around from his dick slowly pumping in and out of you

He finds this so hot

He finds you so hot.

The next thing you know, Cedrics hands trace your waist and grip your hips, manhandling you to get up on your knees and flipping you to face his bedroom mirror

Oh fuck.

Your face flushes redder than before

"CEDRIC! AHHH...!" You want to scold your boyfriend for wanting to do something so perverted for your first time

But you were not-so-rudely interested by his dick ramming back into you all the way

You moan loudly and lewdly

Watching yourself in the mirror as your jaw goes slack and your body lets Cedric manhandle you into the position he wanted you in

One hand on your hip tight and the other around your chin from behind you, his vein hand making sure your eyes stayed on the mirror in front

As the two of you got wilder, your moans louder and sluttier as your dick twitched and walls tightened, Cedric also got closer to cumming

You looked behind your fucked-out face and looked at Cedric's

Your walls tightened instantly

He just looked so hot, smirking with a thin blush

Sweaty with damp hair, his pecs tensing as he grinned while looking at you, it was the hottest sight you'd ever seen

So hot, that you came...

"AHH! Cedric- Cumming- Ack-!" You shout in between moans

"Go ahead then, sweetheart~"

That's what really pushed you over the edge, along with him kissing your neck and forcing hickey all over it.

Your heart was still racing

Your body sweaty over the covers, covered in cum, spit, hickeys and lovebites....

Cedric was next to you, sat up and reading a book, still naked and sweaty

Your hole was leaking Cedric's cum, but you couldn't care less

Once the two off you cooled off enough, you both cleaned up and went your default

That is, cuddling until you'd both fallen asleep...

[baby-tini]

I know your requests are closed and I'm so sorry if I'm bothering you bit I'm not feeling the best mentally right and your writing is a big comfort for me. Again if you don't want too I understand, but could you write Dazai with a suicidal/depressed reader, he's a really big comfort to me, thank you!!!

Don't worry baby, you're not bothering me, and I'm so honored you feel comfortable enough too ask for something like this. My inbox and DMs are always open if you or anyone wants too talk, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way love, I completely understand, and I really do hope that you feel better soon.

TW- Suicidal Ideation, Mention of Self-Harm, Depressive Episode

-He knew. He knew when you woke up that morning not as affectionate or loving. He knew, when the past couple of days seemed extremely hard for you too get out of bed. He knew when he looked in your eyes and he saw the same yearning for death that stared back at him in his reflection.

-You didn't have too tell him, but when he asked you if you were okay and you just broke in his arms, he knew. He called out of work that day, not even letting Kunikida get a word in as he hung up the call and laid you down in bed, where he proceeded too spend hours with you.

-He wouldn't make you talk about it, he'd ask if you wanted too talk, and he'd listen to everything that you said, wiping your tears away as he pushed the wet sticky strands of hair that were glued to your cheeks behind your ear.

-If you did wanna talk about how you're feeling and how everything just felt so meaningless, like you were doing so much for nothing. He'd listen, he'd listen to every word that left your lips as he nodded and would give his imput or ask a question every so often.

-If you didn't wanna talk about it, he'd understand, he doesn't really talk about his feelings either so he'll just let you lay on him and cry into his chest as much as you need. Softly running his hands through your hair as he pressed soft kisses to the crown of your head.

-He'd keep an eye on you for a while. A couple months if he had too, even if he could tell that you were happy and were no longer having those thoughts and feelings. He can't afford too lose you, you're everything to him. So even if he has too stop going to work for a while, he will. If he needs too take days off work for you and comfort you, he will, if being around him makes you happy, just ask, he doesn't really care that much for paperwork anyway, he'll just ask Atsushi and he really could careless for the consequences. There's a lot of people at the ADA, other people could work cases. You need him and that's all that matters.

-He understands the ugliness of depression, so he understands how you feel, maybe not completely but he can relate quite heavily to the topic, so if you need him too wash your hair as you sit in the bathtub, he will. If you haven't eaten, he'll order something for you, if you're not hungry, he understands but you'll have too eat even if it's a little bit. Just a couple bites and he'll be satisfied.

-If you're someone who likes too, or prefers too be left alone, he understands, because he's the same way. He'll let you be, but he won't leave you alone, he's not comfortable with that. He'll check on you quite a lot, even if it's just an, "are you okay" or a, "do you need anything" that he asks through the door. He's satisfied because he knows you're alive and he can hear you.

-He doesn't mind when the room gets dirty, if you don't have the will too do laundry or too even get up too brush your teeth, he gets it. Especially if he's also in a similar headspace at the time and he doesn't have the mental strength too get up and clean. It'll be dealt with when you both feel better, that's the last thing on his mind as he lays with you in bed, in the quiet room enjoying your soft breath against his neck as he feels your chest rise and fall.

-If you're someone who self-harms and you partake in self-destructive behavior, he'll be more on you. He will not leave your side. He will take everything that could hurt you and he'll hide it. Now, he knows you're an adult and you're capable of making your own decisions, but he can't take any chances, one wrong... move and you could kill yourself, and like I said, he can't take any chances.

-If you take any medications, he'll be the one too give them to you, he doesn't want too make you feel like a child but he understands that when people are in that head-space, they make bad decisions and they're desperate for even the smallest bit of mental release so they'll make themselves feel physical pain, but he can't let you do that.

-If you become actively suicidal and try too attempt on your own life, he will hold you hostage of sorts. He won't tie you up or anything, but he will keep you with him at all points of the day, he'd go days without sleep just too watch you and make sure you're safe. You are no longer allowed too be on your own, he doesn't want you too feel worse by making you think he doesn't trust you, because all he wants is too make sure you're safe. You can cuss and yell at him- even hit him if you need too, but he can't and he won't take those chances.. not with you he won't- he can't.

[ryker-writes]

I just read your *Azul as a sibling (Broken relationship edition)** and I had an extra angst thought. Just like a second route. But extra extra angst.

⚠️Death mentioned⚠️

The moment the twins stopped his bullies it went to the sibling. They got bully for how they looked, acted, eat just anything and everything they did. Well he seem to gain self-confidence, they lost their own self-confidence. Once they were in same dorm maybe that will change! They thought maybe their brother would still love them! But… if he’s there, brother, why can’t they call him that? Why, when he sees how they’re being treated.. walks away? He could tell her being bullied right? But when they were forced to work at the lounge, they just excepted it. Maybe it’s best to just accept how life is… meaningless. No one would notice if they were gone? No no if they do that, it would just cause more inconvenience for their broth- right Azul. So they can’t, they just have to help Azul by not making trouble for him.

After Azul overblot, they didn’t think anything would change for them. At first it didn’t. But slowly the bullying stopped and they started getting less work hours more… free time. Azul seemed to always be around them but it’s probably just a coincidence. He wouldn’t want to hang out with someone like them. They aren’t anything special. So why is he trying to talk to them? Why does he seem to care? He’s not supposed to care for them! He’s trying to get close to hurt them isn’t he?! To hurt them… To watch them cry just so he can laugh. Wait… why are they crying black… tears? Oh… ha they’re overbloting… in front of Azul… they just caused him a ton of inconveniences didn’t they? Maybe if lucky they won’t wake up. That would help Azul wouldn’t it? Then he doesn’t have to always stop people from calling them his sibling… and just dealing with them all together.

Can I be 💜 anon?? If not that’s fine! Sorry my first inbox interaction is hmm… angsts hah. I just had to share.

Yes! I finally got to your request my dear 💜 anon! I hope you can forgive me if I end up bending it a little bit to not make this as dark. While I don't mind it being dark, it sort of sounds like the reader is a bit suicidal, which I don't want to write about. So the story might be bent a little bit to avoid that.

Request rules and Masterlists

If you missed the other parts you can find it on my broken sibling masterlist

warnings: angst, reader has low self-esteem, thoughts and mentions of death

Azul as a sibling (alternate broken relationship)

you and Azul used to be close

he would always get picked on when you two were kids

but you were always there to defend him

for a long time, you were his best and only friend

until he met the Leech twins

they became his friends and started defending him from the bullies

and while you're happy that Azul got some actual friends, he started hanging out with you less

you wouldn't have minded it as long as he made time for you somewhere

but he didn't even hang out with you at home anymore

to make everything worse, the bullies realized they couldn't target Azul anymore

but now that you were alone, they could target you

and they were ruthless

being alone made you vulnerable every second of every day

everything you did, every step you took, and every part of you was made fun of

it made every day difficult

and you watched from the side as Azul started to get more confident in himself

at times he wouldn't even rely on the twins to help him with things

Azul was shining just like you always knew he would

and you were left behind in the background to be picked apart every day

years went by, and it was finally time for the both of you to attend Night Raven College

Azul and you both got placed in Octavinelle too!

so you had hope that things would be better

and maybe you could talk to Azul again

but the second you walked up to him and called him brother, he was nearly shouting at you not to call him that

why?

why couldn't you call him brother?

you couldn't understand

things got worse too

being at Night Raven College means that the bullies were always there

and there was no escape from them

even in your own dorm, with your classmates and brother there

they still made fun of you and tore you down

everyone just turned a blind eye, even Azul

like you weren't there

like you didn't matter

surely he could tell you were being bullied right?

but he didn't seem to care

Azul barely even spared you a glance during the day

even when he made you work for him, you never got to meet with him directly

instead, Azul would send Jade or Floyd to talk to you

so you worked every day and dealt with the bullies everyday

and you just had to accept that this was the way things were

you couldn't get out of it unless you were to run away from it all

but that would only cause more problems for Azul

that's the last thing you want

so you stayed, and you worked through all the pain

eventually, Azul overblotted

thankfully, he was fine and things continued like normal

at least, they did at first

and then one day, the bullies didn't show up

it was strange, but surely they would be back to normal tomorrow

...but they weren't

the bullies didn't come after you

in fact, when you saw them in one of the hallways, they avoided you

and on top of that, you started getting less work hours

you even saw Azul around more

almost like he was following you

but then he tried talking to you and asked how you were

why was he asking?

did he actually care?

there was no way

you were probably misinterpreting it

why would Azul want to talk with you?

you weren't worth his time

maybe he needed something from you

perhaps a contract to make your life worse

that's probably all he wanted

he never wants to help you

he's only here to make things harder

your cheeks started to feel wet

were you seriously crying?

reaching up, you wiped your tears only to see black

you were overblotting

and Azul looked panicked

you were seriously overblotting in front of him

you were only causing him more problems now

since you were overblotting there was a chance you could die

would that be better for Azul?

would that help him?

you didn't want to die

but does he want you to just go away?

would he want this?

you didn't know, but the black stains only grew

and eventually they clouded your vision

when you woke up next, you were in the infirmary

Azul was sitting in a chair next to the bed, and looking very tired

he noticed you were awake and looked up at you

no words were said between the two of you

but you cried again

this time, with real tears

[pastel-omegas-blog]

Manor of Blood and Roses 🥀

Chapter Two

Precious chapter here

The serene stillness of the moon lit night was interpreted by the frantic pounding of footsteps on the damp grass as a lone limping figure ran as best they could.

The ragged gasping of air coming from the frantic individual caused their breath to fog in the night's cold air, the chill hitting their frail body, the simple sleeping gown doing nothing to protect them from the night's elements

Their ears were filled the sound of their own heart pounding harshly against the ribs in their chest as adrenaline ran through their veins.

RUN.

Their mind screamed at them and they forced their already tired and battered body to pick up the pace, they ignored the sharp ache on their right ankle everytime they put pressure on it.

The blood from the deep cuts on their arms and stomach had yet to stop and they were beginning to feel light headed.

They were sure the only reason they hadn't blacked out yet was because of the adrenaline flowing through their body was what was keeping them moving.

That and the fear of dying so miserably.

They needed to stop and try to heal the wounds properly or it would get worse, but that was the least of their concerns now.

How could they have been so stupid ?

Why had they let their guard down ?

If only they hadn't listened to the group.

They were usually so overly cautious, so why now was it that this single moment of unpreparedness was going to be the death of them.

If they had had their staff they might have managed to fight back instead of their current situation that left them running away, wounded , exposed and vulnerable.

They needed somewhere to-

HIDE

A chill ran down their spine as they felt piercing eyes on their form.

" The gods no. " They thought weakly a pained whimper leaving their lips.

Their thoughts screamed rabidly at them once again, instincts making them falter a bit in their pace as their eyes frantically searched around for anywhere they could take cover and try to catch their breath to think of something anything to escape the monster chasing them.

But all that was in their now hazy line of vision was lined up marble pillars attached to nothing , the tall thick walls of white lilies that stretched into the sky blocking their escape to the outside ( not like they could survive out there in the demon king's plague in their current state) and rose bushes with flowers that had such a deep red colour.

There was only open spaces with no where to hide

The thick scent of freshly bloomed roses seemed to fill their noses beginning to disorient them.

Their pace was beginning to get slower, either because of the adrenaline was wearing out or they had lost to much blood.

It was probably for both reasons.

When they could run no longer they simply stood in place.

The pain shot through their body, ripping a pained moan from their lips as they crumpled to the prickly grass ground under the moon light.

They couldn't run any more, there was no where to hide.

And even if there was a place to hide they were sure they had left behind a trail of blood that would lead to their inevitable capture.

Was this how they died ?

So worthlessly ?

After all the struggle and pain they had endured to get this far ?

The insults, the discrimination, the abuse and violence that they had put up with all their life simply because they had thought if they endured they would be rewarded in life for their resilience and patience, was that all for nothing.

He was going to die a meaningless death after leaving a meaningless life like an animal.

All this suffering simply because he was human.

It wasn't fair.

He didn't want to die.

Not like this.

Not when he was so close to achieving what he had worked.

He was going to die and he was sure his team mates wouldn't be bothered.

They were already wining and dining inside the hall as he laid there bleeding out.

Then it hit him.

He would have still died anyways.

He might have been the party's designated healer, but he was sure if the need came they wouldn't mind using him as a meat shield.

Ah.

Why was that revelation coming now when death was so near.

What a fool he had been.

Wasting his life to serve people who only saw his as lesser.

A shadow stood over his bleeding body blocking the bright moon light over his body.

The monster had finally caught him.

It was inevitable.

After all he was heavily wounded and had been running around in a place with no cover.

He had simply been wasting his strength trying to prevent what was eventually going to happen and the monster had simply enjoyed playing with it's broken toy.

Hazy e/c eyes weakly moved to look at up at the creature staring down at him and his gaze was locked with piercing blood red eyes.

A vast difference from the soft baby blue colour they used to be.

At least the human knew his paranoia had been called for.

Alistair Dove was a monster.

Gone was the caring elven dominant omega with silverish white hair and soft eyes that added to his gentle and demure appearance.

He had transformed into an entirely different.... Thing.

M/N hadn't been able to catch a glimpse of his new appearance before and even now all he could make out with his rapidly dwindling vision was strands of light blue hair and those piercing blood red eyes that stared mockingly into his dying being.

All he knew now was that the Lord was a monster.

A devil.

And probably someone from the demon king's high court.

He was probably a high level member with incredible power and intelligence since he had managed to fool hero's blessed gods without anyone being suspicious of him.

Hah.

Him as an ordinary beta human never even stood a chance.

The monster was talking to him, probably mocking him, but the h/c man couldn't hear him through his ringing ears.

His eyes were so heavy and he was in so much pain.

What was the point in holding on anymore ?

He just wanted rest.

After all his role as a dispensable member had been achieved.

So all he wanted now was rest.

At least the gods could give him that.

And like that the human shut his eyes.

As his body began to go lax his nose was suddenly filled with a sickeningly sweet creamy scent.

He wondered what that was.

Didn't think I would do a second part but here. Hope you enjoy

Alistair face claim.

[str4ngr]

stitches leave scars [ keegan p. russ ]

someone reqd this n i accidentally deleted the post and im literally so upset over it it's not even funny

this is long asf btw i loved that req so much omfg

cw: near death experience/mentions of death, violence [not in detail, sorta game typical], severe injury, foul language, angst & comfort, mutual pining, gn!reader

"Two o'clock, hold it!" A gruff voice rang through the crackle of your radio. You wanted to growl back in a fuss, but he wasn't wrong. You wanted him to be, to impress him. Lunging, knowing you shouldn't, just a smidge of a moment too early, you attempt an assault on your enemy.

Keyword; Attempt.

Quickly struck down, your body flung to the floor, feeble attempts at escaping the violent blast of your enemies gun. The same gruff voice rang in your ears, your mind aching as it faltered, struggling to evade the darkness that was at your heels. Familiar crackle, and static of the radio drowned out, your open wounds numbing slowly from their agonizing burn, tripping over your feet as you fell into black.

He was right.

Keegans heart stopped. His mouth opened, the squeak of mind-shattering tension the only thing sounding, air escapes his lungs. Instincts went lame, trying to do anything but make his fingers twitch, to jump to you, to block the person who shot you, to take the damn bullet for you. The air was suddenly loud, the silence deafening. The radio static became meaningless, just as it may have been for you, he thought, eyes focusing on your slowly darkening eyes.

He's watched peoples life drain out of their eyes, but never before, has he wanted to look away so badly, only to be forced to stare by his fear.

Sound came crashing down on his consciousness, he mind moving faster than his lips as he screamed into his radio for medical, grasping for your body as he pulled you into the shadows. His hands never shook the way they did as they tried their hardest to act confident. Keegan's mind rushed to remember his basic life support training,

"Pressure...." His voice drudged in worry, his eyes were filled with a crazed look, unable to properly focus as he felt the burning panic rose up his throat, his hands clasping around your flesh. Sharp sounds of torn clothes, knifes against fabric, the lack of warmth.

The lack of you.

Although it had been a day, it seemed as though no time had passed. Muscles moved in memorized movements, shooting, announcing, ordering, and following without a hitch. But he wasn't there, neither were you. Keegans mind felt empty as he fell back into his seat at the debriefing, voices of his superiors becoming a buzz in his ears, broken by the vibration on his thigh.

"Hey, thought you would be interested in dropping by the infirmary?"

Never more in his life was Keegan grateful for the nurse he befriended. His knee bounced, teeth digging into the pink flesh of his lips as he watched the clock tick on his wrist. Each moment felt too long, the lousy mouth of his captain never seeming more annoying than now. Clock struck two. Two o'clock, just like it had when you were shot.

He shot up, disregarding the usual chit-chat he sat through with his teammates as he stormed to the infirmary, your name ringing like a cowbell, bringing him to you. His feet rushed passed familiar faces, glancing with a systematic nod, not stopping. Every step reminded him of every moment he didn't help you, when he watched blood spill from your body, when he watched as you were dying.

Hospitals were always eerily clean, despite the copious amount of lives that were held there. And it always made it worse when you realized ever beep that ticked in a, hopefully, forever constant beat, was someones life. The thought terrorized Keegan as he stood before the door with the dreaded sound of incessant beeping, murmurs of a T.V. screen just behind that piece of wood on hinges. He never thought that his skill to listen, just like it would in missions, would be used to make sure that the electronic beating of your heart rate monitor, didn't change, didn't stop. The door handle was just as cold as the rest of the hospital, bringing no comfort to the trembling hand of the wicked soldier.

Your ears perked at the sound of your name, head snapping to the door. Eyes sparkling, you smiled, so sweetly as you whispered his name weekly,

"Keegan?" The sound broke him. Even with tubes in your arms, dug in eye bags, and obviously a little delirious from pain killers. you still smiled at him. The strings of his heart tightened like a painful knot, eyes burning with irresistible tears. His bit-in lips part, your name barely a whisper on his tongue as he rushes to you.

"You look like you're doing well," He responds, tightly gripping the metal bars the sat on the side of you bed, looking down to your exhausted figure. His eyes glazed over each figure, making sure they were as familiar as they were a few days ago. "that's the least you could do after that move."

His tongue was sharp, unintentionally, causing the sting of hurt, pulling your lips into a straight line. You look down, whispering, "Y.... you're right about that, huh?" You chuckle, almost upset. It was hard to swallow your saliva when you heard him exhale sharply.

He always did that when you disappointed him.

"Look, kid" His fingers messaged his forehead, you knew without looking, head still hung low.

"M' not a kid, you know," You croaked, endeared by the name, but too defensive to actually accept it.

"You are to me." Keegan couldn't control the anger that seeped into his voice, his hands tightening around the cold metal. "You are a kid, when you act like that on the field," Nothing about his voice was kind, it wasn't loud, no, but it was full of a venom you've never tasted from him.

"C'mon Kee-"

"No." Firm, an order. His eyes glared down at you, hiding away the worry, the desperation to hold you, to celebrate the slight colour in your face. Taking a deep breath, he sighs, "I'm not angry,"

You roll your eyes at his sentence, turning away with a pout. He watched you, sighing once more as his shaky hand placed itself on your shoulder,

"I was... shit," He retracts his hand awkwardly, much to your dismay, to pinch his forehead. Your mind ran a million miles, trying, and struggling, to fill in the blanks as he thought of his words. Your lips parted, face timidly turning up to meet his eyes, apparent that you had settled on the worst possible actions.

"I thought I lost you."

Your eyes met his, the always unreadable sergeant's eyes filled with an overwhelming amount of emotion. Never, ever, did you expect the man you admired to deeply to look at the way he was looking at you, to return that burning adoration, the sight alone enough to make your lip quiver

It was never just admiration. For neither of you.

A small smile pinched onto the sergeant's face, a deep sigh passing from him as he tilted his head down, taking his gaze with him. Were it not for his prediction, you most definitely would have pounced on him. His hand laced with you, gently holding you still.

"A-are you alright?" A meek voice peeks in from beyond the curtain, in wrinkled nurse uniform. Blushing madly, you stammer and nod, waving her off. Your heart beat was on a screen after all.

Keegan on the other hand, snorts as he hold in a laugh, leaning in to grin down at you, "Do I make you nervous, pretty?" His eyes were sharp, fervor-filled as they bore into yours, too much to look away from. His face inched closer to your, slowly approaching you, grin descending into a small smile. "God," His voice hung like boulders as his breath brushed across your cheek, down your neck, hot and fast. His lips pressed to the corner of yours,

"You're just trying to get me fired, aren't you?" His voice was gruff, playful even. You blush as you look up at him, rolling your eyes as you let out the breath you forgot you were holding.

"You're such a tease."

"Says you, fucking getting yourself shot." You jaw drops, glaring at him as you stammer, trying to wave your hands as he still gently holds them down,

"You're saying you've never gotten shot on field?" The grin on his face would forever be engraved in your mind. His low voice rings in your ears as he finally moves his face directly in front of yours, eyes locking.

He smiles, his lips softly pressing into yours, the blaring beeping of your heart rate monitor no longer worries him, though maybe the nurse, as he pulls away, sighing into your neck as he whispers, smirking against your skin. "Not while trying to impress my crush."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

"keegan is super perfectionis and reader is impuslive and they ifght n someone goes in near death experience and they go mua mua" <- thats how I remembered the req after I deleted it lmao

im not gonna shut up about that omfg im so upset over that like i swear to god. i think it was @/bad smth idk but the pfp was blue IF IT WAS YOU IM SO SORRY.

directory

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

i see a lot of opinions around, about death, and why she didn't intervene in dream's imprisonment

and i think a lot of people have trouble reconciling the idea that she does care about him, with the fact that she didn't do anything?

so then you get the theories that she couldn't have saved him (as if burgess was ever a match for the endless, he only got dream because dream was still recovering from burning out 99% of his power in overture), or that she was stuck by the rules of the endless not interfering with each other (that's a whole other convoluted discussion topic)

but i feel like these theories all kinda. misread, who death is. or rather, they sort of assume she's a human being with the same mentality as a human, and not the literal personification of death

of course she cares about her brother. and of course she technically had the power to intervene. but think about her existence. think about the way in which she knows everyone, the life she's lived for billions of years, and the life she knows she'll live until she's the last consciousness left in the universe

she's an inherently passive entity, she has to be. because her entire purpose is to stand there for the end of every life in existence, often horrific and violent and unfair ones, and to tell them that's just the way of things. to ensure that that fate does indeed come to pass. she knows how everyone is going to die and she just has to keep talking to them like she doesn't

when she was younger, it was different. granted, she refused to help dream then too, because (at least according to dream) all the endless were incredibly prideful when they were young, and wouldn't even have tried to help each other. but also, we have her word that at one point her job got overwhelming. the fact that she had to stand by and watch so much tragedy, to ensure it happened, really got to her. and for a while, she stopped. one of the few times if not the only time she has ever made a strong decision in the face of fate - she stopped collecting souls. and that turned out much worse. in order to exist as herself, she had to find a way to not only be okay with who she is, but find meaning in it. the person who would get involved, who would stand up against unfairness, that person cannot be death of the endless

and think about death as a concept, for a sec, not just as a person. death is patient. death will come for everyone in time, but time is meaningless to it. i like this panel, from endless nights, for connecting that with death the person, because she is always there and always waiting (in this story she waits here for anywhere between 10 and 200 years, depending on how you look at it. and she explains in this story that time doesn't really work the same to her as it does to everyone else. time is her father, after all. she can wait. she will always wait.)

even when she takes human form, like we see in high cost of living, she is the epitome of go with the flow. she just follows where the universe takes her, doesn't try to change anything, just lets her curiosity and love for humanity put her in whatever situation fate decided she should be. and fate (whether that's her brother, the fates, or something else entirely) does play some role in it, because her human form was created with $10.02 in her pocket, which is the exact amount of money she ended up needing to spend that day. and she trusts that she won't need more than that, no matter how many questions are thrown at her about it

which is not an inherently bad thing! because living in the moment means she is so much more alive than her siblings, it gives her the ability to offer so much more empathy towards the mortals she has to spend most of her time with, it makes her in many ways a wonderful person. she's just, not a person of action

death doesn't show she cares by stopping the bad things from happening to you. she shows she cares by being there for you after. by having the patience, despite her busy job, to sit and chat with every single person who's ever lived, and to comfort them in the best way she knows how

which is exactly what she did

[desertfangs]

One of my favorite things in The Vampire Lestat (and maybe the VC) is when Lestat has his extensional crisis with Nicki, where he realizes that he believes there's nothing after death but oblivion and it freaks him out so much he can't stop saying "Oh! Oh!" over and over.

He's just overwhelmed by the realization that life may be meaningless, that there's no guiding hand, and that when you die no secrets are revealed, no truths, only nothing:

I realized aloud in the midst of saying it that even when we die we probably don't find out the answer as to why we were ever alive. Even the avowed atheist probably thinks that in death he'll get some answer. I mean God will be there, or there won't be anything at all.

"But that's just it, " I said, "we don't make any discovery at that moment! We merely stop! We pass into nonexistence without ever knowing a thing. " I saw the universe, a vision of the sun, the planets, the stars, black night going on forever. And I began to laugh.

"Do you realize that! We'll never know why the hell any of it happened, not even when it's over! " I shouted at Nicolas, who was sitting back on the bed, nodding and drinking his wine out of a flagon. "We're going to die and not even know. We'll never know, and all this meaninglessness will just go on and on and on. And we won't any longer be witnesses to it. We won't have even that little bit of power to give meaning to it in our minds. We'll just be gone, dead, dead, dead, without ever knowing! " But I had stopped laughing. I stood still and I understood perfectly what I was saying!

There was no judgment day, no final explanation, no luminous moment in which all terrible wrongs would be made right, all horrors redeemed. The witches burnt at the stake would never be avenged. No one was ever going to tell us anything! No, I didn't understand it at this moment. I saw it!

And I began to make the single sound: "Oh! " I said it again "Oh! " and then I said it louder and louder and louder, and I dropped the wine bottle on the floor. I put my hands to my head and I kept saying it, and I could see my mouth opened in that perfect circle that I had described to my mother and I kept saying, "Oh, oh, oh! " I said it like a great hiccupping that I couldn't stop.

Lestat at this point knows his mother is dying (she told him she likely won't last through winter) and he's been getting drunk and listening to Nicki play violin and having these deep, philosophical discussions about life, the universe, and everything, and then it just hits him suddenly.

And he's so overtaken by the idea that death is this finite end, and there's no meaning to anything, that it just kind of breaks him and his brain keeps skipping and all he can do is repeat 'Oh! Oh!' over and over while Nicki tries to get him to stop, probably worried that he'll be locked away as a madman if he doesn't.

It's just such a poignant scene. Lestat realizes the universe is cold and uncaring, and it kind of breaks him. Baby's first extensional crisis. He will have more of them, of course. And it's such a great dichotomy with Armand, who is so deeply enthralled in the Children of Darkness, and it explains so much about why Lestat reacts to becoming a vampire in the way that he does, reveling in it and almost immediately turning his mother. And it's just such a well-written scene, I love it.