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leidensygdom · 3 months

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The ways in which being asexual feels isolating

I've been pondering whether to post this or not, but I figured out I wanted to explain a bit of this experience.

So, I could go on a very long tangent on how being asexual is usually a lonely experience, and how much I've been otherized here and there- Specially in real life. How the same people that claimed to be queer (or allies) had been much weirder about my asexuality than they were about me being bi/pan or whatever.

But I think I wanna talk about how something like that bleeds in every aspect of socializing, even down to something like fandom. I stay away from fandom usually- I like to look at cool fanart and that's about it. I hate discourse, I hate drama, I hate reading people getting worked up because they're treating fanon as canon. But there's one thing I've noticed, over and over, that just sends me off my rails.

And it's how fandom tends to treat asexuality (or aromanticism). So, you get a character in some piece of media that explicitly, unequivocally, states they're either ace, aro, or both. "I do not have interest in a partner", "I don't desire to have sex nor do I enjoy the topic", whatever. And as an ace person, I do appreciate being able to see myself in media- There isn't many chases where something is established that bluntly.

Now, you decide you want to check some fanart for that. Fandoms have this tendency to make absolutely everything about shipping, even when the media they're basing it in does not revolve about that (and it's annoying, because a lot of times people aren't interested in the actual themes- It's all reduced to shipping). Suddenly, you notice people treating the aforementioned character as anything but aro or ace. It's all about shipping. "This person interacted with this other person in a way two friends would, but we gotta make this their entire personality now". Some people may instead go for "well, maybe the character is not having sex, but they're probably an absolute freak about it, studies it extensively, has encyclopedic knowledge about it-"

Now, there's of course sex-favourable aces, and that's completely valid, but it's already straying from what, canonically, the character had mentioned. Asexual or aromantic characters aren't really allowed to exist as themselves. People often see them as a blank slate to fill, to change, to fix. I could talk forever about how people react to real life aces like that. I've had people asking me incredibly invasive questions because they saw my lack of sexual attraction as something broken, something they could fix.

And I hate that! I think I'm allowed to say that I hate that! It's hard and unusual for media to cement an aro/ace character, because they're defined by the lack of interest for something, which is often hard to show. But when it does- No one seems to care. It's all shipping, it's all "well, he's gay in denial", "well, she's probably super repressed". If you took a canonically gay character and made them straight on a fanfic, you'd get angry people. Which is bound to happen when you erase representation that people identify with. But aro/ace characters are NOT even seen as queer, they're not even seen as "representation" by most people. You can erase that bit of it, put some god awful shipping on top, and people will applaud you. And it sucks!

I wish people would see being aro or ace as an identity worth respecting, not an identity that needs overwriting. It feels a bit too close to how people often treat aro/aces irl, and it sucks. It reeks of this sort of exclusionism, where "aro/aces are technically queer but it's queer lite at best, it's less interesting than being gay, and we kinda don't want them near us anyhow". Again, I've had far worse experiences about being ace than I have about not being straight.

Sorry if the post got long, but I hope this experience may at least resonate with other people who have been struggling with this, too. It has always felt just kind of lonely to be ace, and see how little people do even consider it an identity, even when it comes down to something like fandom.

#lgbt #lgbtq #asexual #asexuality #aromantism #aro #ace #aroace #aromanticism #queer #long post

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purpletrashcans · 2 months

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I am so fucking annoyed and here is why

I recently made the discovery that i'm probably aromantic and i would like to do what i did when i discoverd that i'm trans which is go and watch/read everything that even has the tiniest bit of trans representation in it, but i can't because there is no aromantic representation

now obviously that's nothing new, i was aware of this problem before and it pissed me right off then as much as it does now

it’s honestly just such bullshit that whenever there is an asexual character in media, basically the first thing they say after coming out as ace is that "they still want to fall in love" like not wanting, not being able to feel romantic love, would make them less human or something like that and of course there are ace people who are not aro, i'm not saying that and i'm not trying to shit on anybodys identity, if you are ace and not aro you are just as valid as anybody else and this lack of aro rep is obviously not your fault, we also need more ace rep while we're on it, that's not the point i'm trying to make, what i mean is that media always tells us that romance makes us human and if you don’t experience that you are either immature, unstable or not human and that's just bullshit

also it is no wonder that when i told my grandma about Loveless by Alice Oseman and how much i love this book, she was worried that i was like Georgia because i never like anyone romantically, she has never heard of aromanticism before, when she thinks of adult people that have never been in a relationship and don't have children she thinks of lonely, sad people and she doesn't want that for me

it is no wonder that when i see my greataunt and -uncle once a year they ask if i have a partner and when i say that no, i don't have a partner, they tell me that i have time and i'll meet someone eventually

and it is no wonder that so, so many people think that they're broken, that they enter relationships and situations that they don't want to be in, that fucking therapist try to cure people, that it took me 21 years, almost losing my friends, actually losing 8 kg in two months do to disordered eating and reading Loveless two times to figure out that i might just be aro, when there is barely any representation whatsoever, when most people haven't even heard of aromanticism

we need more representation and we need it desperately, that way not only will aro people discover their identity sooner and safe themselves a whole lot of trouble, but allo people can also learn how to react to someone being aro and we can all learn that being aro isn't sad or inhumane or weird or lonely

and because i'm a fancy-schmancy college student (who wrote "collage" instead of "college" first because i can not spell)(and have watched too much criminal minds) i would like to end this with a quote by Mariah Wright Edelman (tho the quotes are the worst part of criminal minds, they are so cringe istg):

“You can’t be what you can’t see”

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ketterdamskaelishprince · 2 months

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ada's spectre, and why i'll likely always feel sad about it

here is the promised analysis/talk about ada's spectre. going to preface this by saying i obviously don't know the true intent behind everything and her design, i just like to look, giggle and then make sad little observations which just help me love this silly webcomic even more. so if you disagree with me on something– totally ok! i love to learn and i love to see different interpretations.

there's also a few bits i missed out because i wrote this all last night in a bit of a haze, and i cannot be bothered to expand on some of my ideas, especially when it's just stuff like "BROS SO PARANOID AND RAW RIGHT NOW".

anyways, here we go :) @mugcereal this one's for u pookie <3

so i think with ada's spectre, we first need to look at the instance as to how she gets it, because that always makes things way more sad!

to specify, she turns into her spectre at episode 69, and i think it's really sad how she does it. she basically gets a string of roasts from prospero that go along the lines of calling her "conceited" "twadry" and "... and stupid!" – effectively throwing back in ada's face what she believes everyone thinks of her.

(obviously, as a very big and glaring sidenote, i believe prospero is aro/ace or just aromantic so OBVIOUSLY i am not bashing him for this. bros told her so many times that he doesn't want to be with her, let alone to be touched. that is a flaw in ada's character and is a reminder to us on the importance of boundaries!!!!)

so, ada is basically there, collapsed on the floor in a robe– effectively showing the most intimate and private part of herself as an insecure and lonely girl. and that's when she transforms.

i think it's interesting to understand how this most likely links to her life and how she died. so we know she was killed with an axe, most likely by the man she fell in love with and worked for, and how prospero's words in this situation, hurt her just the same as the words before her death. why?

because they remind ada of what she knows and fears she is: just a stupid, fake and cheap person who will never have the same status and respect as the people she pretends to be and surrounds herself by.

i think it's also interesting that she's clutching her stomach/torso here, and correct me if i'm wrong but that could be a potential signal to the part of her that was axed to death (?). no idea if that's a good shout or not but it's what i first thought!

anyways! now we move onto her spectre design!

first of all, her spectre design eats. like just a personal side note, i love it. it's just so gorgeous and i don't care if she's terrifying to some because to ME? to me, she's my gorgeous little pookie who can scream and show people their worst fears and she looks amazing whilst she does it <3

ok anyways, actual design.

to first understand her design, i thought i'd show you what banshee's traditionally in folklore look like!

typically, they are described in two ways. the first way is a youthful women with long black hair, blue eyes and just super pale. this description could also lose the blue eyes and just keep the black hair– either way the first depiction of a banshee is a super young woman.

this is not the one we're focussing on today folks!

we're going to focus on the second depiction. a hag/ old woman, with red cheeks, a grey cloak and a green dress, often seen to be combing her hair. banshee's throughout folklore are known to wail, scream and cry when a family member had died. to most, the banshee was a sign that death was coming to your household and they are known in myths and folklore as a predictor of death.

now, hold onto the green dress and look at ada's design real quick for me.

here we see a lot of green, which yay! definitely shows signs it comes from the second depiction. i think, on top of it being a nod to the second depiction, i think it could also be an allusion to something else: jealousy.

green symbolism in media can often vary, from meaning new life, luck and also jealousy. and i think if we take in the things ada screams whilst in her spectre form, such as this from episode 82:

you see there definitely is some sort of jealousy there, but this isn't something i necessarily want to focus on, it's just an observation i made that may or may not be true!

anyways, to continue, i want to look at ada's outfit when she's a banshee. i'm going to basically be making my notes i took last night look nicer.

(keep in mind that when i wrote these, my ideas were literally bouncing off my brain and sometimes they're a bit contradictory, but i think that's the beauty of my crack theory analysis!)

i think the act of almost showing her bones to the outside, there's a level of rawness to ada we don't usually see. her spectre form essentially gives her the power to scream out her anger, and by seeing her bones it's almost as if to say this is the ada she doesn't show people. this is the ada that she keeps to herself because god forbid anybody love her (because in life and death it's become abundantly apparent to her that nobody does seem to love that ada).

but then, what i thought was also a super cool thing as how the bones almost act like a corset!

then i got sad because i looked at the bows, and because something dawned on me and it made me start to frown. there was a sad realization to me as i looked at ada's spectre design that even in this all powerful form, she hasn't lost her insecurities, they just become more prevellant. because for all of the traditional wrinkles, hag-like appearance a banshee is meant to have, ada barely has any.

obviously this could be in part to character design and stuff, and yeah probably– but let me be sad!

because ada carries her frills and bows from life here because she doesn't want to be ugly, she doesn't want to be this creeping monster who rips apart people. because if she's not got her intelligence or status or anything going for her, she has her appearance and by god she's not going to let that go to waste. so here her spectre form is, a banshee.

so what must ada do? she must takes her frills and keep her insecurities, her fears and her crippling need to be loved.

another aspect which is super interesting is the stitching on her body. one one hand, it could be an allusion to her violent death, suggesting the man she fell in love with didn't just stop at axing her once, but just kept on fucking going (which, you know: fuck you, whoever you are).

but on the other hand, it could be a metaphor for ada's thinly veiled facade she puts on of being a prim and proper lady (which we actually, interestingly enough, see she looses a lot the more time she spends with montresor– opting to take parts of his language like "ain't" and "beggin'". this sort of leads on from previous ideas people have made of ada willing to change herself to be loved. she swaps civility for the wild wild west all for a bit of love).

ada offers up parts of herself in this metaphor. that's what she always does. she offers herself to the rich man she fell in love with, she offers herself up to prospero (again, look at the. side note. bro wasn't wrong for rejecting her he literally can't like her) and she offers herself up to the acolytes and she fucking barks for them (because i'm not over that).

piece by piece, she strips away everything she is until she literally is just skin and bone. and once she's torn herself apart, she needs to stitch herself back together– because it's against the facade she's put on to look so broken and messy. and so she repeats the cycle again, giving more and more until she is literally hanging on by a thread.

her powers are also super cool. traditionally, as i said, banshees wail when a family member is soon to die/has died, and is often like an omen/predictor of death. so yeah, ada having a banshee scream makes sense. but the whole 'fear itself' is also super cool. i kind of like that she has this– because its sort of satisfying for her, the girl who's been pushed over but still comes running back, to watch as people become paralysed with fear. idk, retribution or whatever.

i'm going to leave you with this not very profound thing i wrote last night (and then just some other mumblings):

i think that although spectres are super powerful and also just a very fantastic concept, they're also fragile. spectres are quite literally the monster inside of you. yet here ada's monster is, and with all her bows and revamped dress of a banshee (or potentially an allusion to her life as a maid) she tries desperately to be anything but that. because to here it's ugly and it's too much of her on display. and with some much of you on display comes the very fear that if you are hated, disliked or something repulsive, you no longer have anything to blame on anybody else. you just have yourself to blame.

(as morella says here in episode 88).

i'm not saying ada isn't deeply flawed, because she is. she has so much fucking baggage and insecurities that they literally forbid her from doing the right thing sometimes. i don't think she's a good person, but i also think that she has the opportunity to be a good person/ do a semi-good/ non-bad thing, and all she has to do is take it. but i also think it's nice how that's shown in her spectre design.

and, you know, if none of this makes sense, that's also fine!

anyways, yeah. somebody tell me never to make a random analysis at night again because it's a bit of a bitch to translate in the morning.

#ada nevermore #nevermore webtoon #annabel lee nevermore #nevermore #ada #ada nevermore analysis #nevermore character analysis #character analysis #adas spectre #is that even how you spell it #anyways i love her for who she is #my precious little screaming meow meow #LMAO #ok idk what i'm talking about anymore LMOA #forgive if there are typos because at this point i am TOO TIRED to do anything about it

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anistarrose · 21 days

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So the thing is, if people ship characters who are explicitly not into romance (whether aromantic or otherwise), that ultimately doesn't affect me on a level beyond "annoyance" — I can blacklist tags, and blacklist or block people who don't tag it. What I have to ask myself every time I see these things, however, is this:

"Does this reflect how this person feels about romance-averse people in real life? Does this reflect how this person treats romance-averse people in real life?"

Because how someone engages with fiction doesn't have to be a reflection of how they treat real people, obviously — and in this case, I would of course hope that it isn't. But if you know anything about what being aromantic is like, in real life or on the Internet... you'll understand why I'm not optimistic.

Thinking two characters are so cute together that you reject a bunch of their characterization to make it happen is just annoying, not a crime! But the second you make the leap to telling a real human person things like:

"I don't care how much you say you're not interested, because you just won't realize that you and X would make such a cute couple,"

or:

"I don't care how much you say you're not interested, because you're clearly just in denial which the Right Person has to come along and fix,"

or:

"But — but — but not falling in love is just so tragic! I want you to be happy, not sad and lonely your whole life!"

like the rationales that apparently motivate so many people to ship? Then that has crossed the line into harming real people.

I don't actually think that shipping aromantic characters is the primary cause in the cause-effect diagram, when it comes to the correlating the shipping with "likelihood to say these terrible, invalidating, autonomy-undermining things to real people." Precisely, I don't think it's a cause to a meaningful degree when you compare with the opposite direction — I think people who say these things to real aromantics (or anyone else who just isn't interested!), because of what they think about these real people, are in turn more likely to think amatonormative things about fictional characters. I think that there exists a feedback loop to some extent, because fiction can influence people's beliefs to some degree, but it's not symmetric. Real-life amatonormativity causes mass amatonormativity in fandom spaces.

So... at this point, do you see why aromantic people in fandom get a little defensive about aro characters, and about other characters who overlap with aro experiences? You see why we get kind of pissy when people very selectively throw a very specific part of their characterization out the window? You see why we maybe don't want to associate with those people? Why it makes us so uncomfortable?

"Stop shipping romance-repulsed characters," in my opinion, is a understandable outcry from the community that I obviously sympathize with — but it nevertheless conceals the core of the issue, especially from non-aromantics who aren't living with amatonormativity shoved down their throats at all times, and therefore might not be able to read between the lines. At the core, this isn't actually a debate about the morality of shipping in fiction, despite overlap with that discourse on the surface.

The real cry for change isn't "stop shipping that character." It's "start accepting me for who I am, without trying to either undermine or mourn it at every opportunity." Because at the moment, the overlap between people who erase fictional aromanticism and real aromanticism is significant — and even where they don't overlap, you know what? Romance-averse folks just trying to live in peace can't fucking tell the difference.

#amatonormativity #no one asked for my thoughts on this but i have thoughts that i've never seen spelled out explicitly by anyone else. sorry #i'll get back on the aro positivity posting grind by the time the clock ticks over into pride month in my timezone i promise

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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Would I be the asshole if I start hooking up with my hook-up's friend?

Some background info is necessary here. I'm aromantic and I've always been completely open about that and as upfront about what a relationship with me will (and, more importantly, won't) entail. I met this particular guy on a dating website like OKCupid or something like that, I don't remember exactly which one. We got along and were attracted to each other so I sat him down and had my usual talk with him about what he could expect and what he should never expect and whether or not that was a relationship he was okay with having. He said yes, so we started doing basically a FWB thing.

He's incredibly hot and we are very compatible sexually (which is honestly not super common for me tbh lol). The problem is, he often gets clingy and weepy and complains to me about how lonely he is and that he really wants a romantic relationship, complete with things about how no one will ever love him and those types of sayings. I've talked to him about it a few times and asked if he was sure he wanted to keep doing this with me when I will never be able to meet that need. We're also not exclusive at all, so I usually respond to this kind of thing by encouraging him to keep seeing other people/keep putting himself out there/etc and hyping him up and stuff. Every time we talk about it he says he's good to go, that he totally understands my aromanticism and he won't try to push for romance from me, and like I said it's kind of difficult for me to find people who also want the sex I want (I guess I'm kind of kinky and a stone top which in my experience a lot of guys are not into idk) and especially to find people who are interested in sex and dating with no actual romantic feelings or intent. So I've been sticking with him even though he keeps bringing this up and kind of (seemingly) implying that he wants things from me I've told him repeatedly I can't give. I don't want to hurt his feelings by still sleeping with him if he wants love, but I'm basically operating on the assumption that he's a big boy who can make his own decisions and I've been honest with him and understanding, at least as far as I'm concerned.

That's the backstory, now we reach the issue I'm actually asking about. A few days ago, maybe as an early birthday present for me or maybe just coincidentally, this guy had a friend over at the same time as me and we ended up having a threesome. It was great! I really liked the other person involved and we were all compatible and had a lot of fun. They gave me their number on my way out.

So I've been texting with this person, that my long term (I guess, depending on your definition of "long term") hook-up introduced me to via a threesome, and they have asked me if I want to hook up again with just them. Which I totally do. I know I wouldn't be an asshole to start seeing them in addition to the first guy because we're not exclusive and never have been, and I've made myself clear from the beginning that we never would be. My question is would I be the asshole if I started seeing this person that he introduced me to via a threesome, and also stopped having sex with him (I would be open to still being friends who don't have sex, but somehow I doubt he would be very interested in that).

The thing is, this new person is also aromantic, so I know that a non-romantic sexual relationship that stays non-romantic would actually for sure be okay with them. I wouldn't have to worry a) about hurting their feelings because they want something from me I can't give, or b) them repeatedly implying they want more or thought I could change my mind eventually or whatever. But... It just seems like it might be a bit of a dick move when he introduced us for group sex and then to... cut him out of the group, I guess.

So... would I be the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ohnoitstbskyen · 11 months

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I just saw your aro video and in it you said you would like to be spared sympathy because it alienates aromatic people.

But when you described that in your video that's exactly the reaction I had and so I just needed to ask what's a way to process in solidarity when someone says they cannot feel that way?

(this is the video in question)

That's not... quite correct. What I was talking about there is the tendency of alloromantic people (i.e. people who do feel romantic attraction) to approach the aromantic experience from a place of pity.

So, I say "yeah I don't feel romantic attraction," and they respond with something along the lines of "oh that's such a sad thing, I'm so sorry you are missing out on this."

And that's... rather grating, because it treats me as though I am defective in some way, or as though I live through a human experience which is lesser, rather than simply different.

People respond to the idea of not feeling romantic attraction with confusion, disbelief, and incredulity, because culture teaches us that to live without romantic love is to be embittered, lonely, deprived, sad and miserable. And so people pity us, and express their sympathy in the same way you might express sympathy for a bereavement.

Now, the truth of course is that I do feel some longing, some sadness, and an internalized desire to be "normal," to have the same experience everyone else does. I absolutely do feel that I am missing out, that a part of what it means to be human is closed off to me.

But the source of those feelings is self-pity, the source of those feelings is self-hate and insecurity and a rejection of my own experience. When I feel those things, it's because I have internalized the idea that my experience is not normal, that there's something wrong with me which ought to be fixed.

It is miserable to feel that way. I hate feeling that way. Because the rational truth is that I am not broken, I am not abnormal, I am not deprived, I am simply living a different version of the human experience, and I get to have emotional connections and relationships that alloromantic people will never have access to, too.

It has taken me a lot of long, hard work to get to a point where I feel my aromantic nature in neutral terms, where it is not a good thing or a bad thing, but simply a thing. And every time people respond to me with pity, they cut at the foundations of all that work, and invalidate it.

But in answer to your question: All aromantic people are different, we all feel different ways about what it is like to be us. But when it comes to me at least, if you want to express your solidarity with my aromantic experience, treat it as though it is normal. If I tell you I am aromantic, react as though I've just commented on the weather, or told you what my favourite color is. Just accept it, and don't make a thing out of it.

You're more than welcome to ask questions, or be confused, and you have the right not to instantly understand things, but approach it from the presumption that even if you don't understand it, this is just a normal part of what it means to be human. Because it is.

#tb answers #aromantic #aspec #aro pride #aromantism

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aroaceqoutes · 10 months

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Living w/ aromantics💚🤍🖤

So I'm staying with my grandparents and my aunt for a while, not realizing that we all have something in common. My grandparent's marriage was arranged, despite that they manage to live comfortably and even happily. My aunt on the other hand is not married, the only out of 5 siblings which can seem irregular but she has always been my biggest role model. And then there's me, they live in a quite town embedded with nature and old styled everyday objects like any typical village. The life that they have explicitly seems lonely and boring but if you just stop and look, it's actually very peaceful and healthy. Living with them has thought me that there is no one way of living, none of them has a particularly romantic life but just sitting down at the dinner table made me feel more love than any other dinner table in my family. It's so genuinely soft and caring, though not perfect. Yes the house can get suffocatingly quiet at times, but knowing that my grandparents have successfully raised 5 stable adults is enough for them to block out all the silence. We all aren't born with partners, but we all are born with family, Whether it be by blood or founded in unusual places ..

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deconstructthesoup · 2 months

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I've been thinking about this lately, so, here's my Slay the Princess ships and why I ship them:

Witch x Damsel, aka Sleeping Briars: There's just something that's so compelling about the two "fairytale" vessels---aka, a witch and your classic damsel in distress---who can both lead to some of the most romantic routes in the game. The dynamic between a devious little prankster who has serious trust issues and can't let anyone get close as a result and an adorable sweetheart who trusts everyone and falls in love way too fast is really interesting to me, and I think they'd actually be pretty good influences on each other.

Adversary x Razor: Two ladies who love fighting, bloodshed, and pain in general? The potential is right there. They're different enough that there's some dimension, but they're similar enough that their dynamic would be killer. Literally.

Spectre x Stranger: Honestly, I just think that they're both very charming and would probably get along really well, but there is something to be said about them being the two Vessels you get when you don't really give the Princess a chance---either if you kill her without hesitation and get Spectre, or if you refuse to even meet her and get Stranger. They're both lonely and scattered, and maybe they'd find something in each other.

Thorn x Wild (Wounded): There's something really sweet and intimate about two people who've hurt and been hurt finding comfort in each other. Idk, I think it's nice.

Burned Grey x Drowned Grey: It's... it's right there. The duality is right there. The wedding gown and the funeral gown, the fire and the water---it's right there.

Prisoner x Skeptic: This is really the only Voice/Vessel ship I've got on my list, and it's because in my opinion, it's the most grounded. Prisoner is arguably the most human out of all of the vessels, and Skeptic's whole thing of picking things apart and looking at everything from a different angle feels like a pretty reasonable response to the insanity of the construct. Her cynicism combined with his suspicious attitude could make for a really interesting dynamic, and I think they'd balance each other out well.

Contrahero: Come on. Come on. They're perfect. The first time I saw the Stranger ending, my head was already buzzing with "they're staying in the cabin? Together? Married couple! Married couple!" thoughts. I'm far from the only person in the fandom who sees how amazing the dynamic of the intrepid knight and the goofy little jester is.

Smitten x Cold: The dynamic between the dashing romantic who lives off of passion and feeling and the tired and quiet soul who seems to have cut himself off from emotion altogether is too compelling to ignore. The tension just writes itself.

Stubborn x Opportunist: While these two seem pretty different at first glance, I think the fact that both of them are voices who don't know when to quit speaks wonders as to how they might bounce off of each other. One of them solves problems through fists and fighting and the other solves problems through words and deceit---and I think that creates a pretty interesting duo.

Huntcheat: @tai-janai got me hooked. It's actually pretty damn adorable, I dunno what else to say.

(Also, Nightmare is aromantic in pretty much every one of my AUs, and Paranoid is aroace more often than not)

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starrycosme · 3 months

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I'm starting to see lots of posts about loveless aroaces or aromantics and I'm starting to wonder... Like, sometimes, I feel disconnected from my friends. I've never really made a very close friendship with anyone, and every time I feel like I'm getting really close to someone, I tend to stress out and want space.

It's like I have a good time when I'm with my friends, but I don't know if I'd use the word love??? Like, I definitely love my parents or grandparents a lot, and I feel like I've never really connected with any of my friends on that level. I sometimes even go through periods of time when I just feel annoyed by some of them... It happens with my parents too, so I guess it's a normal consequence of prolonged contact, right?

But that lack of deep connections in my platonic relationships with my friends paired up with the fact that I'm aroace and living very far away from my family sometimes make me feel so lonely, idk.

Like, I don't think I'm loveless?? But I'm also not the kind of aroace person that "makes up" for my identity with other types of relationships. I just feel disconnected from everyone else, idk if I'm making sense. Does anyone else get what I mean?

#please im so confused #might delete this #im just hoping to find people i can relate to #aromantic #aroace #asexual #ace #aro #aspec #loveless #maybe????#send help

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airamsare · 4 months

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i kinda came out to my nanny kid and she reacted so beautifully<333

well we were watching a wedding scene and then she asked me if I like boys or girls (she's 13 btw) and I said that I don't think I like anyone romantically. she was a bit confused at first and said that she doesn't want me to be lonely and that there is someone for everyone, after i said I've never had a crush.

However when i explained to her that some people just don't experience romantic attraction and that that's ok and I'm not going to be lonely since i have family and friends, she said that I'm always going to have her and that she will always love me<3333333

and after that it was done! this was so freaking cute because i get that she was confused at first, she's never heard of that obviously but when i explained it to her she reacted so beautifully and after we just kept watching without making a big fuss and I loved that:)))))) she's the best

i never even planned on coming out to her lol but im glad i did (even though i never used the words aromantic or asexual)

#aroace #ace #asexual #ace pride #asexuality #aromantic #queer #pride #coming out #love

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chronicbeans · 4 months

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What it's Like for Me, as an Aromantic Person, with Doodles to Represent it:

More specifically, me realizing I am aromantic.

Step 1: "I just haven't met the right person, yet." Aromantic and hasn't realized it, yet.

(hehe not me doodling Alastor since he's in this step lol) So, for me, I spent the longest time thinking that I'd meet somebody I'd fall in love with. Every time I'd notice a family member or friend getting into a relationship, I'd kinda sit there and think "I just haven't met the right person, yet! Soon, I'll find a relationship, too." It was only around the end of highschool that I moved into step 2.

Step 2: "I'M SO LONELY!!!" Aromantic and depressed about it.

I learned about the aromantic spectrum, and realized that I'm on there. I was immediately pretty down about it (don't understand why I was, nowadays). I thought I'd be lonely forever. A lot of people and media spread the message that romance is the end goal of life, and needed for happiness. So, realizing that I'd either never have it, or not experience it in the same way as others, made me feel isolated. Then, after some time, I moved on to step 3.

Step 3: "Heehee no romance drama!" Aromantic and accepting of it.

I realized that romance doesn't have to, and really shouldn't in my opinion, be the end goal of life. You don't need to to be happy. You can be happy eating good food, happy with fandoms, and happy with FRIENDS. I also don't have to deal with trashy relationship drama. At least, not while being a participating member of it. I might still have to listen to it lol. However, finding out a label for my identity doesn't really change my life. It just helps me describe myself. So even if I never found out I was aromantic, and still thought I hadn't met the right person, I'd still be ME. Just me without that knowledge.

Anyways thanks for reading my cringe post. It was made with platonic love.

#aromantic spectrum #aromantic #aromantic pride #aro spec #aromantic awareness week #my doodles #my ocs #Tales from the Iolite Hospital #Aluminum Sight #hazbin hotel oc #cupid #hazbin hotel alastor

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anonymousbeefriendfanfics · 1 year

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Omg since you're writing for Touchstarved also,,,,,,could I ask for some Vere headcanons? With fluff? Pretty please i am in need of a crumb of floof content involving floofy fox-man 🤲

Of course!! My pleasure~ I love all of them so very much, and Vere just. Mmmh, I love him. Sorry this took so long, but I hope it was worth the wait!

Fandom: Touchstarved Character: Vere Warnings: Fluff, as requested! Not really a warning though. Mild spoilers for the demo below the blue text.

Dating Vere Headcannons:

Now this is an interesting relationship.

I don't think Vere sees himself as a relationship person. That isn't to say he's aromantic, or that he doesn't fall for people - he does. But I just get the sense that he holds back. He's a lone wolf - er, fox - and he's used to that. He doesn't really trust anyone, and I think whatever dark secrets he's hiding, whatever trauma his past holds... it has him convinced that he doesn't need or deserve anyone.

So, first things first, you have to earn his trust - and be able to trust him in return, which is no small feat considering he appears ready to kill you at a moment's notice. But it is possible, especially once he gets to know you a bit better. Earn his respect and/or intrigue him enough, and he'll become less and less likely to kill you. And that is ideal, if you're attempting to romance the foxboy and not, you know, die.

Eventually, though, you can win him over. Slowly but surely, he falls for you. At first he may not even realize what it is, but give him time. He isn't great with genuine affection, and it'll take him some time to process everything.

Demo spoilers below!

Deep down, I think he's scared. Vere is a monster, a tool of the Senobium, a pet kept on a leash and used to hunt and kill. That's all he's been for so long, he doesn't know how to be anything else, doesn't know how to be free. Certainly doesn't know how to be a lover. But that doesn't mean he won't try!

Oh, and try he does. Vere goes to such comedically extreme lengths in the beginning, it's honestly a little ridiculous.

I'm assuming it's not too hard to get your hands on a romance novel or five... dozen. Eridia must have libraries, surely, and the Senobium itself likely has some, even if just in dusty shelves for preserving the 'classics' or what have you. And when Vere finally comes to his senses and realizes that he's falling in love - and gets over the subsequent shock and panic - his first mission is to get his hands on these books.

He'll spend his spare time obsessively reading, and implementing the tactics he's learned on you... which means that you're subject to spontaneous acts of devotion, from showing up unexpectedly with a bouquet of flowers (and one between his teeth, of course) to him throwing rocks at your window and serenading you in the middle of the night until you come down or yell at him to knock it off... or until he realizes he's got the wrong window and has been professing his love to one of the Bloodhounds while you sleep soundly on the other side of the building. Oops.

Just allow me to say that this man doesn't have an ounce of shame in his body, and will probably embarrass you in public at least once with all of this, unless you can catch him before it gets that far.

He'll eventually settle down, don't worry. He's nervous and overcompensating, but once he gets more used to your relationship, he'll begin to relax and learn to show you affection in his own ways.

I think Vere is one of those people who relentlessly but lovingly teases his significant other. He'll inevitably cross a line every now and then, and you shouldn't be afraid to set him straight when he does, but he quite enjoys the banter. He's got quite the silver tongue, and if his partner has a sharp wit as well, he's going to provoke them into using it at any opportunity.

He'll often steal things of yours, too. Both for the fun of seeing you try to get it back, and because he just... likes having a physical bit of you close. Seriously, get him a necklace or bracelet he can wear, or a charm to keep in his pocket - something he can keep on him at all times, and he'll stop stealing your things.... as much. And yes, he'll always dangle things he's stolen juuuust out of reach with that damn smirk on his face. Every time.

He's very laid back, but I think he can also be a bit territorial. You're his now, and he's not afraid to let anyone else know - no shame, remember? He doesn't resort to fighting unless he must, but he'll do whatever he needs to do in order to regain your attention or make it clear to others that you're taken. The flirting goes up to 11, and suddenly he's very touchy and affectionate.

Speaking of being physically affectionate, I think Vere would mostly try to keep his distance in public, mostly because he doesn't want to risk the Senobium finding out about your relationship. He knows quite well what they're capable of, and one of his biggest fears quickly becomes being unable to save you from them - or from himself. Those who know him well enough can read the difference in his body language, but to outsiders looking in, it looks friendly, if anything.

In private, though, be it when you're alone together or somewhere like the Wet Wick where he knows the Senobium cannot see... well now, that's a different story. He's almost always close by, if not touching you somehow - assuming you're okay with that, of course. If you tell him to keep his distance, he'll respect you enough to do so. But if you're okay with it, best get used to the feeling of that fluffy tail of his brushing against your legs or curling around your waist.

Oh, and if you offer ear scratches, he'll deny them, likely saying something about not wanting to mess up his hair. Do it anyway, though make sure nothing fragile is nearby. His tail swishes around like a dog's, and he's likely to break something if it's within wagging distance. He also gets adorably flustered about this because he can't control it, which makes it even better <3

Writing Masterlist 🐝 Requests Open! Tag List 🐝 @ajatinker @.mossmosis @.makobones

#beefriend-writes #touchstarved #touchstarved game #touchstarved vere #vere touchstarved #dating headcanons #fluffy

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