#I KNOW. IM AWARE. I CANT FUCKING ESCAPE IT.

[phagodyke]

well crying didn't make me feel any better and now I have a headache too. let's just get on with the day at least the weekend will be over soon

[theyluvjake]

౨ৎ : thinking abt jake x somnophilia

warnings: somnophilia, cnc, perv!bf jake, established relationship, reader is used to this behavior and fully consents!

18+ MINORS DNI.

smut, jake x fem reader, established relationship

—

he just cant help it. you look so pretty and peaceful sleeping. the way your tiny pajamas get all swished around in your sleep revealing your tits and riding up your ass. he cant help but even snap a few pictures. he feels like a pervert but he doesn't really care. not when hes too dazed seeing you like this.

he presses record and decides to test the limits. knowing you were a deep sleeper he could usually get away with alot before you woke up. he carefully pulls down the covers and pushes up your pajamas top full, leaving your tits on full display, his hands waste no time quickly groping and squishing them in his hands, still filming it all. you stir in your sleep a little but still isnt enough to scare him.

before he knows it hes sliding off your shorts and moving your panties to the side, lining up his tip at your entrance. slowly pushing himself into you, watching intently how your body reacts, as you start to stir out of your slumber. "j-jake?"

"shh shh... its me baby, i got you" he whispers softly.

"what are you...?" you mumbled sleepily and confused slowly starting to realize what was going on, feeling achingly full.

"im sorry baby, you looked so cute... i couldn't help myself.. needed to be inside you."

and thats when a small soft whimper escapes your lips, without even being fully aware your body instantly reacts, welcoming him and whatever touch hes giving you.

"shh thats it princess, just lay there and let me fuck you, hm?"

© theyluvjake

reblog if you enjoyed!! requests are open ~

[starz4ieee]

𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐒

includes: teasing, suggestive coversation, smut

i walked through matts door and i watched him as he scrolled mindlessly through his phone, once he noticed my presence he practically dropped his phone and marched over to me “fuck” he said kissing me.

I kissed him back immediately, my hand finding his hair, tugging at it slightly which caused a groan to escape his throat, my smirk making him kiss me harder.

my hands snake over his waist and he breaks the kiss grabbing my hands and pinning them above my head and leans into to kiss me again, the new vulnerable state making me even more wet.

after a few minutes he released our mouths and my puffy lips were already craving his again.

“go sit on my desk pretty girl” he tells me and i happily oblige and i prop myself on the desk, he finds his way between my legs and i whimper softly as i feel his hard cock pulsing against me through his pants.

“you look so pretty on the table with your legs spread for me” he tells me and i bit my lip and moan out softly at his words and he chuckles “you have no idea what you’re doing to me right now” he says in my ear and i pull him closer with my legs “how bout you show me?” i smirk and he kisses me

i play with the hem of his shirt and his eyes meet mine and he tilts his head “all you gotta do is ask baby” he says with a smirk and i roll my eyes “take your shirt off baby, please” i ask, trying to mask my desperate tone and i watch as his toned arms rip the shirt off his body so effortlessly.

i kiss his neck and run my hands up his stomach and chest and he lets out shameless moans as i nibble at his neck “keep doing that-fuck” he groans.

i lick a stripe up his neck and his hands grab at my waist “can i ask you a question?” he askes me and i meet his eyes “of course” a small smile flashes his face before it’s replaced with a mischievous look.

“you know those shorts you’re wearing?” he asks and i cant suppress the smirk that forms on my face “im aware of them”

“they leave nothing to the imagination you know? they’re so tiny and short” i let out a soft hum at his words “then you might as well take them off” i wink at him and i feel his cock press against me again “ i like how you think baby”

i lift my hips for him and he pulls down my shorts and my panties at the same time, i gasp as the cold air pricks at my skin and he looks as if he’s in a trance as he takes in the sight of my body.

he pulls off my shirt that exposed my fully naked body and i heard as he whispered “fuck” under his breath “god you’re breath taking” he says kissing me while he unzips his pants and pulls them down along with his boxers.

he pulls me even closer to him and he rubs his cock up and down my slit, teasing at my clit before slowing sinking into me, his lips capturing mine for a peck while he slides all the way into me, a gasp followed by a moan escape my throat.

once hes all the way inside me he groans out and grabs under my legs for a better angle and pounds into me, hitting that sweet spot immediately.

“oh fuck!” i cry out, my fingers digging into his back, holding on for dear life as his tip grazes my cervix.

my pussy squeezes his cock and the most lewd sounds escape his mouth.

tears prick my eyes at the overwhelming pleasure as i practically scream as he continues to fuck me, my head falling onto his shoulder for some sort of support.

moan after moan racks through my body and i feel as the desk shakes under us, slamming against the wall.

“look at me pretty girl” he tells me, gritting his teeth to suppress his moans and i listen to him, my glistening eyes meeting his “you look so fucking-beautiful like this, all fucked out for me, god” the sound of our skin slapping together fills the air as it quickens

“im-gonna come” he tells me and i whine out a hum “me too-fuck babyy” i moan as my head swings back my body on fire as his cock slides in and out of my sopping pussy at an alarming rate.

i feel as his hips stutter and the coil in my stomach unravels and i scream out, clinging onto him and i gush around him, him following with a few grunts before he releases inside of me.

he kisses my cheek and my neck before sliding out of me, our come mixing together as it pools between my legs on his desk “fuck i love you” i tell him

“i love you more baby, you and those damn shorts”

IM BACKKKKK

[hopelesslygaysstuff]

Omg, imagine like, you and wanda together, in college, you have this test you have to study for, but your really struggling, but wanda decides to be a nice mommy and sits you on her lap as you have your stuff infront of you, shes trying to teach your dumb slutty brain but its not working so she pulls her strap out and makes you cockwarm it and says something like ”if you get a question right, youll be allowed to move, but only for a little” and like keeps your hips steady as the both of you study. You do this until you feel like you know everythign and she decides to give you a reward by pounding you into the table and makes you cum as many times as you want 😋

- 🕸️ (im trying to study right now, why is math so hard? 😔 my dumb mutt brain just cant understand it)

Oh i would NOT be able to study after that omg that would backfire bc I would just be all fuzzy brained and begging her to fuck me...

I am thinking THOUGHTS tho about this concept

"Focus, baby."

The words are mumbled against your neck as Wanda softly kisses it, her arms wrapped around your hips, holding you still. You fight the urge to grind down, her strap buried inside you, your arousal leaking around it.

You whine slightly, her vanilla scent pulling you further into that fuzzy headspace you find yourself in whenever she's around you. You attempt to focus, numbers seemingly floating off the page as you grip your pencil.

"Answer the question, sweetheart. If you get it right, Mommy will let you fuck yourself on her strap for a few seconds." Wanda says, and you feel her smiling against your neck.

Nodding, you try and ignore her as her tongue begins making a trail up your neck. Your pencil shakes in your grasp as you begin to work out the problem, mind bouncing between the math in front of you, and the woman holding you.

You're acutely aware of the thick strap moving slightly inside you as Wanda adjusts her grip, and you breathe in deeply. You're almost done with the problem, just a few... more... numbers.

"Got it!" You exclaim, twisting to look at Wanda as she studies the problem in front of her.

"Good job, darling." She turns towards you, green eyes shining. You glance down, her lips inches from yours. You want to taste her. Leaning in, you press your lips against her soft ones, a moan escaping her as she slides her lips against yours.

"Go on," She mumbles into the kiss, "Fuck yourself for me."

You whimper, relief flooding you as she helps you move your hips. You fuck yourself slowly, pleasure igniting deep inside you as you move yourself up and down on her strap. You can feel your wetness smearing over your inner thighs and on Wanda's lap, but can't bring yourself to care too much.

God, it feels so... fucking... good...

"Stop."

You still at the command, breaths shaky as you fight the urge to move your hips. The strap is once against buried inside you, and your pleasure dims to a low simmer.

Wanda's lips are back on your neck, and you groan at the sensation. She chuckles, "Next problem baby. We're going to keep playing this little game until you've finished all your work."

---

I need someone to do this to me ugh it would keep me motivated and also fuzzy brained so its a two-for-one deal tbh

[diejager]

hey! i sent an ask a couple months back now that i don’t believe you’ve responded too. i was just wondering if you a) actually got it because i know tumblr eats a lot of asks. b) just didn’t like the request (which is completely fine!!) or c) just haven’t gotten round to all asks. it was roughly about ghost x reader making soap watch them

A) tumblr devoured the fuck out of this and I never got it 😠

Stay, pup. Cw: smut, voyeurism, threesome, pup/kitten pet names, cockwarming, creampie, bdsm, tell me if I missed any.

For once, Soap cursed his impulsiveness, that irrational need to act towards a goal he stared at when others - Ghost - warned him not to. He cursed his puppy-like enthusiasm for making him eccentric and rash, dashing forward without a second thought when he lost a;; situational awareness. He cursed himself for not listening, that’s how he found himself tied to a chair, knots strung around his body with intricate patterns.

“Fuck please! LT!”

He’s panting, wrists tugging against the rough ropes in an attempt to escape his unfortunate situation, crying out to Ghost for mercy. He squirmed in his seat, swaying the chair left and right as he pulled on his restraints, nipples perked under his shirt and hardened cock trapped under his tight pants.

“Should’ve listened when I told you to stay, pup,” Ghost rumbling voice scolded Soap, his warm hues glaring at Soap coldly.

His eyes left the Scott’s whining figure, darting down to you with a softened grin, your sweating and gasping figure on his lap. With a blink, he ignored Soap’s plight to tighten his hold on your waist, canting his hips upwards to meet your thrusts halfway. You jerked forward, choking back a breath with a small whine, calling out Ghost’s name - Simon - as your knees locked.

You buckled over him, hands clinging to Ghost’s forearms, depending on him to move you up and down, riding his thick cock under his control. Your back arched, pushing your chest forward, breasts bobbing with every sharp thrust. Soap groaned at your perky nipples and swaying tits, your curved body giving him an erotic show, teasing his leaky and throbbing cock stuck in his pants.

“Giving ‘im a show, yeah?” Ghost chuckled, his deep, baritone voice rocking your body to the edge.

You gasped out a mewl, face hiding under his jaw, lips latching on the pale skin of his scarred jaw and sinking your teeth into him. You had an issue with bitting, littering his skin and Soap’s with red and purple marks, little signs of possession like Ghost looming and protective figure and Soap’s need to touch you at all times - which was part of the reason he was being punished.

Ghost’s chest rumbled, a low, drawn out grunt at your deep bites, driving his hips skyward in a sudden and erratic cant, shallowly thrusting in your clenching heat. His shaft throbbed, slick dripping down his balls and thighs tensing. His hand wandered down your waist to hold your knees open, showing Soap - with full intention of wringing out the most pitiful end for his pup - the white ring at the base of his cock, the slick-soaked pubes around the veins and your tight, little snatch swallowing all of him, cock, cum and all.

”Look at her, Johnny,” he growled, giving a few jerky push, riding out his orgasm and yours, painting your walls with his load, salty and musky cum. “At least she listens to orders.”

Soap exhaled shakily, his briefs soaked from coming, cock pressed down uncomfortably by how tight and damp it felt. He squirmed, he felt edged and still bothered, just the sight of your sweaty and panting figure had his cock jumping back up. He couldn’t help it, your limp body over Ghost’s, cockwarming him even while he leered at Soap, a pleased and sadistic gleam in his eyes.

“She behaves so well,” he turned to you, cupping your cheeks in his hand, lips puckered at him. “Don’t you, kitten?”

Taglist: @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @tallmanlover @distracteddragoness @vxnilla-hxrddrugs

[aingeal98]

thinking of the differences in cass and bruce regarding their no-kill rules, and how cass’ rule is better in regards to the batman persona and what it stands for. death and bruce have an awful relationship, to say the least. he has gained nothing from death and murder, in fact it affects him so much that all he can do with death is just sit in its presence forever, without ever working through it (he literally refers to death as ‘a curse constantly hanging over him’ i mean that is not the most accepting mindset). with cass though? she can actively process death and even accept that it has happened. she isn’t like bruce, because she uses others dying to make her intense love and empathy stronger, while bruce just uses it to fuel anger and an onslaught of repressed negative emotions (which we all know can only last you so long before your whole body just gives out). i mean, the second bruces parents died, he separated the concept of murder from his life, (even though that is literally impossible, minhkhoa, ra’s, talia, selina, and basically anyone who has been in a meaningful relationship with bruce has pointed this out. i mean even a ghost martha wayne has told bruce there’s no avoiding death, only going through it). however, with cass? she literally was a murderer. one of the many reasons cass vows to never kill is because she actively sees herself in murderers, and thinks they all have the capacity to be redeemed, while bruce barely has an idea how to even process murder, let alone accept it or the people who do it (thinking of how he straight up denied that cass killed anyone, or was even capable of doing it, even with video evidence shown right in front of him, and im not even gonna get into the whole jason todd thing). cassandra could be a better batman simply because she can look death (specifically murders and murderers) dead in the eye and accept it, something that bruce cant even do. basically what im getting at is that, ironically, cass’ backstory of her being a murderer allows her to use the batman persona to its full unfiltered potential, something that even bruce is aware of. anyways here’s my cass should take up the batman mantle propaganda!!

I'm chewing on this like it's a five course meal thank you so much for this analysis there's so much to go through.

You're so right about their different mentalities like Bruce was ultimately a victim and his drive comes from both never wanting anyone else to suffer like that but also never wanting to be a victim again himself. And if does mean that his various complexes around death and crime can sometimes be very harmful to people he should be trying to save! Batman is a symbol and an ideal and no one, not even Bruce can truly live up to it.

Meanwhile Cass views herself as the perpetrator, the responsible party instead of a fellow victim tricked into killing a man. And her projection while again not in anyway perfect is definitely better for those around her than Bruce's because it's full of empathy and a belief for change. The heartbreaking part is that she's no less fucked up over the concept of death imo, she just directs it all inwards. Every life lost is a tragedy that Bruce and Cass both carry on their shoulders. The difference is Bruce views anyone who takes a life as having sacrificed a part of themselves they can ever get back, of ruining their life regardless of circumstances. And we really do get to see frequently in comics how that standard ends up harming innocents even as he tries to do good. Meanwhile Cass... Does actually hold quite similar views but she also stubbornly refuses to believe it's true for anyone else just because she cannot escape it being her own personal truth. They killed but they can change. They killed but they can turn their life around. They felt bad for a second there, I saw them. I'm going to help them because of that.

Part of it definitely comes down to the thematic cohesiveness of Cass's Batgirl run compared to Bruce's... Everything. But ultimately yeah Cass best Batman for multiple reasons and you can fight me on this.

[averycutesalamander]

NO!! SNAKE BITE BOOTHILL I'LL FOREVER WAIT FOR YOI...... MY BELOVED

Silliness apart I 100% understand. I'll love anything you write. Can you give a taste of what ur writing right now? The 18k draft? I'm curious.....

by the way, do you think boothill would like whiskey? With 2 ice cubes?

-Snake Bite anon

edit: i wrote most of this like right when i got the ask (like two months ago i am SO sorry 💀) and meant to finish it immediately after but uhhh obviously that didnt happen. and in retrospect it is extremely funny how nervous i was to talk about this considering how bad my newest newest draft is. anyway here you go

-

oh god anon the can of worms youve just opened.. 😭 im sort of nervous talking about it but. im too obsessed with it to not finish and post it eventually so i guess i should just rip off the bandaid now.

cw pseudoincest under the cut but HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT

ok so for the record this is NOT MY FAULT. i was talking with (redacted) about how sad it is that one of my favorite writers sees him as an uncle. like, it's a familial thing. and we were joking like "well that wouldnt stop me lmao am i right guys" and it was all in good fun.

and then i started. Thinking About It. and entirely against my will my brain formed a plot. and at first i was just gonna write like a drabble or something to get it out of my system but uh. well.

yeah. so. yeah. so. ok. i know this looks bad but HEAR ME OUT. also spoilers for the first uhhhhh maybe half of the fic ?? two thirds of the fic???

ok so. this initially takes place before the IPC arrival. the reader gets adopted by one of his sisters when she's 5 because she was alone in the desert. she cant talk, and by the time she can, she doesnt remember what happened, so whatever. she meets boothill (who i am presently calling ahiga because i literally could not dodge around the name for that long) when she's 7 and LET ME EMPHASIZE THAT IT IS COMPLETELY PLATONIC AT THAT POINT. 100% PLATONIC. THERE IS NO GROOMING IN THIS FIC. OR UNDERAGE. ZERO. ZIP. ZILCH.

so reader is like.. cripplingly lonely with some major attachment issues. her mama's farm is pretty far from everyone else and there aren't many kids her age in the family, so she doesn't have many connections when she's younger. and she's a quiet kid, so she doesnt get much attention from the rest of her relatives. boothill can kinda see this to some degree, and i think hes sort of acquainted with loneliness (although his is largely self-inflicted at this point) so he kinda goes out of his way to include her in stuff and be nice to her. NOT in a creepy way, just in a regular cool uncle way. he teaches her how to ride horses, gives her sweets when mama isnt looking, that kind of thing. they don't see each other all that often but it's enough that they have a pretty solid, positive relationship.

so when shes like 16 she forms a teeny tiny itty bitty crush on him. just like. a little thing. and shes VERY aware that that's fucked up and she should cut that out immediately, but the thoughts kind of linger. but like.. presumably that'll just.. iron itself out eventually. with time. it's fine.

and almost immediately after that the IPC shows up and shit goes down. she and mama get kicked off their ranch and have to go shelter with nick and graey, and in the next week or so many other relatives follow. boothill ends up dropping off his daughter (who im calling manaba in this fic for the sake of naming consistency) to join the rebellion. reader helps out with the war effort, does supply runs, that kinda thing. when the ipc finally gives the kill order, shes between towns, and since they're targeting population centers, she escapes the direct blasts and shelters in a river to avoid the ensuing wildfires.

not everyone is so lucky, obviously. no one in her family (that she knows of) survives. some shit happens, but she ends up getting picked up by a group of survivors. skipping the details, several years go by. she doesnt really make any new friends, and the loneliness sinks its teeth into her - so she relies on the past to keep her grounded. the memories of her mom feel too painful, but her memories of her uncle feel.. safer. kinder, in a way. and in the back of her head, that tiny crush starts to fester. subconsciously, she starts to feed it, because the loneliness is ripping her apart, and this weird fucked up little fantasy feels like the safest way for her to keep it at bay. it's not a conscious thing, though. she's actively disgusted and disturbed by it every time it crosses her mind. it just kind of.. stews in the background.

she starts sleeping around to sate that loneliness. "There's a void in you that you haven't managed to fill. Something about having someone's hands on you makes the ache a little quieter, a little more manageable, but not by much." it's not born out of love, or any kind of affection - just a feral sort of desperation.

she never really feels like her partners fit her. when she finally realizes that shes chasing people with features that remind her of her dead fucking uncle, she promptly declares herself a freak forever and sentences herself to celibacy until she can figure out whatever the fuck is wrong with her brain.

she ends up leaving the planet, because staying is too painful. im a little foggy on the details here, but tldr she finds a mentor and gets into the tech scene, then the hacking scene, then starts doing what she can do fuck with the ipc wherever possible, etc etc. somehow, experiencing the impossible vastness of the universe, being surrounded by a functionally infinite amount of people, feels more lonely than ever. she's just kind of adrift in the world - sending money back home to help people make end's meet, generally just trying to find a reason to live beyond fear. there's a storm of emotions brewing inside of her - the hatred and the terror and the grief. she does all she can to spite the IPC, but it never feels like enough. it never feels like it does any good.

and then, years after the massacre, she's at a bar meeting with a client, and she sees him, and he sees her. and she's thinking "holy fucking shit that's my dead uncle" and he's thinking "holy fucking shit that's my dead niece" and they reunite and stuff. very heartwarming, very sweet, lots of tears (well. from her at least. he can't partake obviously 💀) and they start catching up over drinks.

and that's when he tells her his mission - that he knows who pulled the trigger, and who was behind the slaughter of their people. and she latches onto that HARD, because now she has a specific target for her emotional turmoil instead of the vague, amorphous concept of "the company." etc etc etc they agree to team up because he could use someone to help with behind-the-scenes stuff. and also because it's really nice to have someone around from home. so they exchange contact info and stuff, yay yay yippee

so they chat more, and they drink more, and reader maaaaaybe kinda sorta drinks a little too much. more than a little, actually. more than enough that her hold on her inner monologue slips and she starts thinking about how pretty he is. and suddenly that dormant little harmless crush that she was subconsciously feeding is swinging back around with a vengeance, because now it's real, and he's here, and he's ALIVE, and god did his lips always look that soft or-

and. well. eventually she uh. she might maybe kinda sorta ask if she can kiss him. and then processes the words that just came out of her mouth and starts CRYING because what the FUCK is wrong with her. and he like.. never addresses it directly. he just calms her down and makes sure she gets back to her hotel room and fucking DIPS.

BUT THE THING IS. THE THING IS. SHE WAKES UP THE NEXT MORNING. AND DOESN'T REMEMBER DOING IT. SO NOW HE KNOWS!! BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT HE KNOWS!!!! AND THEY HAVE TO ACT NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

so the next bit is kinda loose and im probably gonna tweak some things. but. but. they have to go on a mission together. and.

yeah. im. yeah. they have to go to a bdsm club. together. and im sure you can guess. where im going with that. theres a particular section from the club scene that has been absolutely CONSUMING ME but idk if i should share that yet jawhbdjahwdbjawbajd unless somebody asks nicely ig. but jesus christtttttttttt it makes me feel insane. this whole fic makes me feel insane. the ending makes me want to chew my hands off but we'll get there when we get there. fucking pray for me because im not seeing the gates of heaven with this one

[lovelyrotter]

okay but i actually kinda wanna know ur take on stridercest being canon compliant O_O <- autism stare

oh hey i am also hitting you with the autism stare. ill try to get my thoughts down in a way that makes sense to more than just me hahaha

bear in mind that im an epilogue lover and i think Meat/Candy are really valuable pieces that further all of the characters and are also hard canon in the sense that we're looking at just 2 post-game universe outcomes out of an uncountable number (the book in the picnic basket representing post-canon fanfic). i think the characters actions in the epilogues make sense and are satisfying to me. yes even jane (i love alpha jane and i will not do her the disservice of 'cleaning her up' w/o showing her work for it. thats not how you depict a character who grew up with fascist programming). i could totally go on a whole tangent about this specifically but thats another post lol we'd be here forever and its also not stridercest

but okay. canon stridercest. under the cut cause it got kinda long

basically it has to do with the cherubs and how their relationships and mating rituals are pretty obviously incestuous leaning even though cherubs dont have the human concept of Siblings or blood family. the cherub who predominates will search across paradox space to mate with another cherub who closely resembles the cherub they predominated which is like textbook Freudian sexuality. theres a lot of Freud and Jungian stuff in HS imo even if im kinda [wobbly hand gesture] at the validity of these theories applied to real life and real people. but theyre super fun tools and lenses to use in fiction and i mean. gestures at all of dave

so the incest aliens cherubs. the whole reason why im talkin about them is bc Caliborn is so incredibly interested and invested in the Striders in particular. caliborn as both Lord English and Lil Cal shapes earth NOT OVERTLY but more so embeds himself in earth society, but again, the Striders lives in particular. dave is full of incest jokes. hes even apparently got a list of his friends arranged in order of how likely theyd incest-elope with each other (thank you epilogues for this amazing factoid). he seems to think about it often enough to, yknow, Do That. have a good solid think about that and construct an organized list about it. bearing in mind dave makes jokes about stuff thats a) bothering him, or b) generally camping out in his brain. hes not even really aware of it most of the time (as we see in one of the openbounds where hes all 'why am i thinking about puppets???' after seeing dirk for the first time in that dream bubble. he is thinking nonstop about dirk at that point and going off his only frame of reference for ANY dirk, which is his bro. his bro who was most likely deeply warped by Lil Cal)

sorry for the long blocky paragraph lol. but now onto the next thing

Caliborn as Lil Cal is the centerpiece in the beta strider apartment. dave cant escape him and beta dirk grew up with him. what the fuck do you do when youre childhood comfort item is also the most evil creature across all of paradox space? if youre a dirk you try to fight it. but how long can you keep fighting something like that. its safe to say that bro was affected by Caliborns particular brand of perversion and sfw kink. i dont think i have to say how insidious abusive and toxic he is about those things. and looking at the truth of beta bro (16yo alpha dirk) you can start to see just how warped beta bro became. beta bro is a false dirk (still a very Real dirk but not the Truth of dirk. beta bro has been toxified and made infinitely worse by an absolute evil influence over decades of life. in 80s fuckin texas. presumably in the system. anyone would be fucked up after that)

so for this analysis/theory im stating beta bro as a false persona. using jungian terms he is apha dirk's shadow

both dave and dirk live with a fake, carefully manicured version of their bros. they live with personas (or shadows of their guardians on the walls. hello platos allegory of the cave). they dont actually know e/o and they dont until the striunion

alpha dirk especially grows up embedded in the Public Persona Of Dave Strider 400 years post mortem and completely alone with unlimited internet access. hes a self admitted expert on his bro and we dont get to see a lot if any of his early childhood but i can hazard a guess at how much he clung to that persona of his bro. he fuckin idolizes dave. he LOVES dave. right off the bat he is in some kind of love with dave and i think if you try to argue against that then thats you slippin. i think youre a fool and have to reread homestuck because i wholeheartedly believe the striders loving eachother is part of the win state

once again this is speculation cause we get barely anything about alpha dave, but from what we already know about him im guessing this bro-persona is

achingly effortlessly cool

oozing masculinity (toxic or not, not really interested in categorizing that although toxic coolboy masculinity IS something the striders contend with & is an important facet in their lives)

a skilled fighter

a dedicated moviegoer (hes a director need i say more. this one is probably the only genuine thing about his on-screen persona)

and now lets look at jake. someone whos grown up on pretty much nothing but movies, whos doubtlessly been influenced by hollywood and its idea of gritty 'main character' masculinity through that, and who also clings to more old-school ideas of manliness (think victorian/edwardian era gentlemanly-but-loves-a-good-scrum kinda manly. moustache twirly with a monocle kinda manly. basically everything that grandpa harley is)

but okay lets look at what jake wants to be. lets take a look at his teenager persona

achingly effortlessly cool (his own 'hollywood star' kind of cool also def influenced by his favourite characters like lara croft who is indeed achingly cool. you see him succeed in inhabiting this hollywood star persona on earth c)

oozing masculinity (the old school manly mans-man kind)

a skilled fighter (two pistoles always. harder to aim cause you cant use a free hand to make up for kickback. that takes skill)

a dedicated moviegoer (again one of the only genuine parts about his persona. his questionable-to-wretched tastes aside. but bearing in mind that the SBaHJ movies are intentionally bad which is what makes them loop around to good. such is the nature of intentionally 'bad' art. jake fuckin lives in this perpetual bad-good art loop. okay enough with the art tangent keep focused man cmon)

because dirk has obviously way more contact with jake i dont doubt he sees through jakes own (admittedly way more flimsy) coolboy persona but the point still stands i think. different flavours but the same kinda guy. dirk has a type and i dont think its a stretch to say that hes looking for aspects of the bro-persona he grew up looking at in other boys, much like the winning cherub looking for the one they lost in the cherub theyll mate with

also wtf is with dirks obvious boner for dave chasing him across paradox space to decapitate him huh?? the last few sentences in Meat are about that very thing. he wants to fuc fight dave sooo bad. haha remember how the cherubic mating ritual is one of the most violent and long running spectacles in paradox space? i sure do

[schizotypalpd-culture-is]

major cw for venting abt rumination, unreality and paranoia...

questioning stpd + bpd culture is freaking out alot and never being able to keep an account for long and getting immediately suspicious as well as hella inferior to ("they're gonna find out something about me idk what but i know")/anxious of anyone who is too enthusiastic about you (and conversely trying to talk to people who are not as available at all), not being able to use youtube much anymore because u think all the videos could be talking about you even tho its just a tactic to address the viewer to watch but u feel so fucking called out by every little thing, getting angry at the screen and always typing mean shit in the search bar in case somethings watching (but still being addicted to the internet), feeling intrusive at every family function for no reason, feeling like an idiot trying to speak more than one or two words on most days bc it gets jumbled or u literally cannot remember even names or what u did 2 days ago, having the weirdest blend of disgruntled/confused/concerned stare with little response at all whenever u try to describe ur problems and mind, having breakdowns when u try to make friends irl, and really needing help but too scared of being invalidated/mistreated/laughed at and also its a big process i dont fully understand or have much help with and being watched/monitored by family is my nightmare. then ruminating for hours feeling guilty bc the other part of u knows its not all about u, negative grinch!! but u cant escape the feeling or the possibility. then u get scared somethings watching ur brain judging and u spend more hours arguing with yourself or the entity and freaking out which the stress and sleep deprivation turns into hallucinating ghosts (then u think... OMG she cursed me! im haunted! its this house! my vibes are so bad ghosts want me out of here.) and having nobody to tell abt it. so u write about it in a document cuz u literally cant verbalise delusions hoping whatever medical professional will see it wont disregard it because you are somewhat self aware/introspective (to the point that you're just obsessing over your own thoughts not really anything like ooh enlightenment. oh and then u ruminate that maybe youre not sick enough... then get angry at imaginary people who would dare think that... wait im an asshole! people can think what they want! whats my problem! im so mean! que rumination about that), post online then get paranoid about it again and tbh u dont know why u post it but it has to go somewhere, to someone. itll probably drive everyone away but i don't know where else to go. maybe ill be honest and show my true face. but do people even do that? am i something to be hidden? im so tired and cant even cope with people walking outside my window and i look creepy when i figure out what theyre doing by standing at the window then i panic thinking they think im a creep going to do bad things.

.

[shreddeddescent]

hhhhh yeah ok just for funsies.....

here's a snippet (its way longer than a snippet its 4000 words) of the worst case scenario story i wrote.

idk how much of the specifics will be canon. but i do think this is such a good blow up that it would be mean to keep it to myself.

maybe im posting it just to be like YEAH OK HERES THE TONE. IF YOURE NOT COMFORTABLE THEN YOU CANT BE HERE...

Warnings for mentions of: CSA rape forced incest uhhhh more probably. nothing shown but much mentioned. possibly warnings for more im not even thinking of. Im sorry just be careful.

Don’t be fucking weird about it to me ok we are in the raw place

so context. shredder kidnapped the boys for days to get what he wanted out of them. implications are clear enough through context i think. lot of drugging. they escaped and killed him (like for real this time) shit is weird and they're handling it as best they can. everyone is aware of this. they've had one therapy session w a weirdly inhuman therapist april found (from her connections in cryptid world) and nobody wants to look their mom in the eye. least of all raph. cuz god does it ever feel bad to know she knows.

the boys seem ok to the naked eye though. hence. this.

--

When they woke up the next morning Mikey had decided to make everyone pancakes. A true feast of flavours after their days of slop.

Donnie and Leo had set the table and let Raph rest at the head of it, he was still wearing Donnie’s old ratty black hoodie, it fit him perfectly. He’d also found some sweatpants, but those only rode up to his mid thigh. It still helped though.

Mikey was making two batches of pancakes, half with chocolate chips and half without, the pickier eaters with the cool mask colours refusing to try something sweet.

The air smelled strongly of bacon, and it was making Raph’s tummy growl loudly.

“Mikey you better hurry up, Raph’s gonna eat his plate!” Leo joked as he pat Raph on the back.

“You can’t hurry perfection!” Mikey whined as he plated some bacon.

“Uuuughhhh Mikey…! I can see the light!” Raph gasped out and reached his arm out above his head, miming his own death.

Mikey huffed and chucked a piece of bacon on his plate.

“To tide you over you big baby.”

Raph gasped and picked it up between his fingers gobbling it down with a loud moan.

“So fucking good Mikey…”

“Oh you’re all up!”

Raph froze, swallowing hard.

His mom was behind him and he was wearing Donnie’s hoodie. He had just moaned Mikey’s name. And his mom was behind him.

He felt Leo hovering over him but he didn’t move.

“Hi mom.” Leo said gently.

“Decided to make a big breakfast?” She wandered over to look at what Mikey was doing at the stove.

Leo put a hand on Raph’s shoulder when she turned and leaned down to enter his eyeline.

Raph stared at him with a panicked expression. Leo looked sympathetic.

“Yeah, we’re all pretty hungry.” Mikey responded.

“You want some help?”

“I got it, it’s almost done anyway.”

Raph was trying like hell not to have a panic attack. Leo put both arms around his shoulders in a loose hug, leaning down to speak in his ear.

“Deep breaths, Raph, it’s just mom. You’re okay.”

He tried to breathe, placing a hand on Leo’s arm. He saw his mom turn and quickly threw Leo’s arms off him.

She stared at him sadly, but tried to smile anyway.

“How are you feeling today Raphael?”

“Hungry.” He answered quickly. “Just really hungry.”

Her smile faltered for a moment, but she tried to keep it up anyway.

“Well, good thing your brother is such a good cook.” She turned to the fridge to grab some juice.

Raph clasped his chest, he didn’t know why it hurt.

Donnie was staring at him with some concern, he looked like he was about to ask him something so Raph just glared at him and held his finger to his lips.

Donnie rolled his eyes and rest his folded arms on the table.

Raph just stared at his empty plate, trying to calm his nerves.

Leo pat him on the back and shook him gently.

“Raphael do you want me to put on some coffee? Or would you like to take a nap later?”

He stared at his empty plate. Caffeine would make his chest worse than it already was.

“No, I'm very awake right now, super okay.” He super fucking wasn’t okay and he didn’t know why.

She turned around to pour a glass of orange juice for herself.

“Enough food for me to join you boys?”

Mikey turned his head to look back at Raph in question.

Raph stared back at him with an anxious look in his eye. He then looked back at his mom.

“Of course you can eat breakfast with us we’re not avoiding you or anything that would be mean!” He tried to make his words sound as playful as he could but he was pretty sure he sounded crazy.

She gave him a puzzled look but smiled anyway, and sat at the other end of the table.

Donnie gave him the most dumbfounded look, shaking his head slightly.

Leo nonchalantly scooted his chair closer to Raph and leaned over the counter.

“So. What did our doctor tell you?”

Raph kicked him under the table but he didn’t react.

She frowned and clasped her hands around her cup, looking down at it.

“She… said a few things. She told me to give you space, but not be too far in case you needed to talk. I’m trying not to worry, but I’m a little surprised that none of you have seeked me out for anything.”

Raph frowned and rubbed his arm, looking away.

“I.. I’m sorry, feels too raw right now..”

“I think anything we need to talk about can be said to the therapist.” Donnie said.

Raph looked up to glare at Donnie for his rudeness, but he’d stood up to help Mikey bring plates of food to the table.

“Which I understand, but I feel out of the loop. You’ve spoken to April. And this doctor. But no one even looked to me for a hug…”

Raph chewed his lip and closed his eyes. He felt horrible.

“Mom, I’m so sorry I just—“

“Because trying to be physically close with anyone right now is hard, mom.” Leo interrupted. Raph thought his tone was too harsh. “We’ve been through hell and we’re just trying to be normal. It’s awkward and it sucks. But it’s hard to add other people to it.”

Raph groaned and shoved him lightly with his shoulder.

“We’re fine, mom. We’re coping.”

She eyed the two of them carefully with her hands clasped in front of her face as Donnie and Mikey placed the plates of pancakes and meats in front of everyone.

She was looking at Raph’s hoodie, she was looking at how close Leo was to him.

He looked away from her so he could pile as many chocolate chip pancakes onto his plate as he could. Leo leaned over him to add some bacon and hash browns to it, knowing he would forget to diversify his plate.

It was not helping.

Raph grumbled and took a big bite of pancakes. He couldn’t help but moan again. “These are so fucking good, Mikey…”

Mikey grinned from his seat near splinter at the corner. He and Donnie had very different plates, his full of all the variety, Donnie sticking to his plain pancakes with nothing on them.

“Thank you! Worth the wait right?” He asked with his mouth full.

“Yes, I’m sorry.” Raph whined dramatically and stuffed his face more. Eating real delicious food after all that gross paste felt so good. He’d never felt so hungry, he was going to overindulge.

“How are you coping?” Splinter asked suddenly between her bites of food.

Raph tensed and looked up at her, gulping back hard.

“Sorry?”

“You said you were fine and coping. So how are you coping?” She looked up at him with a weird look and he needed to look back down. It was making him queasy.

“I.. I don’t know, we’re just hanging out I guess.” He mumbled and picked at his food.

“Is that a new hoodie?”

He tensed and tried to make himself small.

“No, it’s Donnie’s…”

“Hm.” She washed back her food with a chug of juice.

His brothers weren’t as tense as he was, but they did look uneasy by her presence. It wasn’t unusual, he was usually the only one trying to hold conversation, and he had been the one to inadvertently invite her to join them. They all kind of wanted to be alone.

“Mikey? You should have let me help, you seemed to have forgotten the eggs.”

‘She knows she knows she knows she knows!’

Raph slammed his head down on the counter to shut the voice in his head up.

There was a pause. Leo pressed a hand to his back.

“You good..?”

He picked his head up sharply and grunted.

“Never better.” He started scarfing down the pancakes in as big of bites as he could. Maybe he could finish fast and get out of here.

“I… didn’t make eggs cuz our stomachs are a little too empty for eggs…” Mikey mumbled between bites.

‘She knows he’s lying she knows he’s trying to protect you she knows!’

He clenched his fist around his fork and swallowed hard, staring intensely at his plate. He put his free hand under the table to dig his nails into his thigh instead of hurting his head where she could see it.

Unfortunately Leo noticed and grabbed his hand under the counter to stop him. Which she also noticed.

He slapped his hand away and glared at him.

“Leo what are you doing to your brother?!”

Leo snapped his head up to look at her and he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Nothing!”

Raph wished he had hair so he could pull it all out.

“Oh for fucks sake, SPLINTER, we are NOT. FUCKING each other!” Donnie shouted as he suddenly stood up and leaned over the counter.

Raph looked at him in absolute horror.

Splinters eyes went wide and she looked at him angrily.

“What?!”

Donnie growled.

“I can see what you’re doing! You keep eyeing Raph up for being too close to us! You’re assuming the worst!” Donnie gestures to him with one hand without turning his gaze away from splinter. “You’re going to give him ANOTHER panic attack!”

Raph clutched his head in his hands, staring wildly at nothing as he curled his upper body over the counter, facing down at the table.

“Donnie!” He heard Mikey yell as another stool scooted back.

“I-I am not assuming anything!” His mother sounded offended and angry.

“Guys.” Leo said sternly.

“You literally asked him about my hoodie! As if it was the weirdest thing in the world for my traumatized rape victim of a brother to request items of clothing!”

“He’s just never worn anything like that before!”

“Gee Splinter I wonder why!”

“Donnie this isn’t your fight!” Mikey yelled and Raph heard a small smack.

“Someone has to fucking fight for that idiot! Everyone’s fucking dancing around it as if we don’t all know what’s wrong!”

Raph was staring at his plate so hard the colours were burning into his brain.

“No one wants to tell me what’s wrong! Everyone comes home from hell and avoids their mother like the plague! And I am just supposed to not fear the worst?! You have no idea all the things I can smell on you boys!”

“Where was that nose THE FIRST TIME?!” Donnie shouted as it sounded like he slammed both fists on the counter.

“What?!”

He was growling.

“You didn’t smell DAD all over Raph?!”

Raph stood suddenly, hands still clasped over his ears and he didn’t look at anyone, just kept his head facing the ground as he ran out of the room.

He bolted into the bathroom and proceeded to throw up all of the delicious pancakes he’d enjoyed so much. He couldn’t even have one nice thing.

He heard a gentle knock at the open door and didn’t turn away from the bowl.

“I have some water…” Leo said quietly. He made no effort to step inside.

Raph reached his arm back to take the cup without looking.

Leo passed it to him and stayed in the doorway.

Raph kept staring at the bowl, waiting to see if he has anything left before he chugged water and rinsed his mouth out a few times.

“Thanks…” he mumbled as he grabbed toilet paper to wipe his face with.

“Do you want me to sit with you..?”

Raph kept staring at the bowl.

“Yeah…”

Leo walked inside and sat beside him propping up an elbow on his knee.

“Can I rub your back?”

“Why are you asking permission?” Raph looked up at him frustratedly. He was just giving him a sympathetic frown.

“Cuz I think no one is asking how you feel before they decide they know what’s best for you.”

Raph turned back to the bowl, taking in what he meant.

“I… thank you…” he sighed, straightening his back out to look at the back of the toilet. He was pretty sure there was nothing left in him, but he just kind of wanted to sit in this quiet moment away from everyone else. Puke or not.

Leo took it upon himself to flush the toilet for him.

“If it helps, I’m pretty sure Mikey’s gonna chew Donnie’s ear off for that.”

“What does it matter, he’s not wrong.” Raph sighed.

“It was not his place to shout your bullshit at mom.”

Raph turned to look up at him frustrated.

“He’s right though. That’s what hurts.”

Leo frowned and nodded.

“He is, but it’s still not his place to talk over you about you. It’s not moms place to make you feel like shit about yourself when you’re barely holding on. And it’s not Donnie’s place to decide how you tell mom about your own shit.”

Raph looked away, feeling tears coming.

“I was never gonna tell mom. I was… I was literally never ever gonna tell her that…”

Leo scooted closer and leaned his head down to be at eye level with him.

“I get that. We all kinda knew that. I’m sorry Donnie did that to you.”

Raph closed his eyes.

“You can hug me if you want to…”

He felt Leo pull him in to a loose hug from his side, letting him lean his body against his.

“I… I know what Donnie did is fucked but… but I also mean that I was never going to be ABLE to tell mom that…”

Leo hummed and rubbed his shoulder.

“You’re half grateful. Half angry.”

He laughed a little. “Yeah… I know it’s.. it’s my fault for saying it was ok for her to join us but… but god Leo I feel so bad all the time, she seems lonely and sad and I just.. I can’t look at her and think about what she thinks of me…”

“I mean—“

“And don’t just tell me not to worry about what she thinks.”

There was a pause.

“That’s all you were gonna say.” Raph grumbled and pat Leo’s arm. “I hate that nobody ever gets along, and I hate that I’m stuck in the middle of it…”

“Sounds exhausting.”

“It is! I’m tired and I just want people to fucking… I don’t know.. I’m trying to be okay…”

Leo tugged him closer. “You don’t have to be okay, no one expects you to be okay.”

He sighed and pat Leo’s arm. “I wanna go back in there…”

Leo gently let go of him and stood up, holding his hand out to help him up. He then pointed at the sink.

“Maybe one last rinse and spit.”

Raph sighed and leaned over to gargle tap water for a moment before turning and staring up at Leo who gave him a thumbs up.

Leo let him lead the way out of the room.

He was still hearing arguing as he walked towards the kitchen.

“—have any idea how hard this was?!”

“Yes! Because you never shut up about it!”

“Oh that’s kind of you to say!”

“Does it EVER cross your mind how hard WE had it as BABIES?!”

He hovered in the doorway for a moment.

He saw his mother standing on a stool to shout at eye level, Donnie just glaring daggers still in the same spot.

Mikey had his arms folded, the expression on his face looked far older and exhausted than it should have on his sweet face.

“Of course I do! That’s why I needed to get you out of there!”

Raph walked in the kitchen and they all stared at him.

Mikey’s expression softened instantly, he looked worried.

Raph parsed the last thing his mother had said and he turned to look at her, feeling angry for some reason.

“But… you didn’t get us out… I got us out.” He said quietly.

He sensed Leo standing behind him leaning against the door frame.

His mother made a face.

“That’s not fair.” She said as she climbed down of the stool to sit normally. “I found us all a way out, I got us a home.”

“Six years later.” He almost whispered. He wasn’t sure where this was coming from.

Mikey and Donnie were staring at him in awe. Splinter looked offended.

“You know where I—“

“I know where you were. I know why you were gone.” He clenched his fists and took a breath, standing up straight. “I don’t blame you for leaving. Or being gone. I’m sorry. But…” he looked at Mikey, his sweet eyes growing larger. He eyed Donnie, whose guilty look was turning warmer. He looked back at his mother. “But when you were gone bad things happened to us, and no one came to save us.”

Her eyes were watering. It made his water too, so he turned his head to look away.

He sensed Leo step in beside him and felt him grab his hand gently.

Raph looked up at him, he was giving him a gentle smile and nodded at him to continue.

Leo had him.

He looked back at his mom’s tearful eyes.

“I-I know that! And I feel terrible about it every day!”

He gave her a dark glare.

“Did you know dad raped me?”

Her eyes went wide and she didn’t say anything.

He frowned.

“You either didn’t think about how bad we had it, or you knew and didn’t do anything about it. I don’t know which makes me more miserable to think about.”

“Raphael—“

“Stop!” He shouted. She tensed up and he felt guilty instantly, none of them liked a booming voice.

He rubbed his temple with his free hand.

“Stop. We know the therapist was April’s idea. And we know you didn’t let her get one for us before. I understand….” He sighed, “I understand that we were in hiding. That you were scared for us, scared we’d get caught, shipped back there and have the worst thing happen, but… but we could have gotten help years ago! I could have gotten help! I-I shut down mom! I forgot all about it! And you might think that’s good! That makes it all okay cuz I shut it all out but it came back to haunt me!

Tears were falling down his cheeks, he felt so angry and so miserable and so so justified.

“You said… you told me. When you found me you told me you had been watching us! Trying to watch over us right? What… what did you see dad do that finally pushed you over the edge and made you admit you were there?”

She looked so pained, so guilty. He didn’t want to break his stare no matter how much it hurt. He didn’t want to give her a way out.

“Your… the things he wanted to do to you… to your brothers because of you…”

“BECAUSE of me?!” He snatched his hand away from Leo’s to clench both of his fists.

Her tears were free roaming, she balled her fists on the counter.

“Because of how you were born! H-he got opportunity as soon as he found that out! He was going to use them on you! Because of how you were born!”

Raph shook his head dumbfounded, staring at the ground.

“Because of how I was born…” he repeated. “So it’s.. so it’s my fault guys! Because I was born like this!”

“Raphael that’s not what I meant!”

He snapped his head up to glare at her. “Isn’t it?! You just said what caused you to finally warn me was learning about that! How did you even learn that!”

She stared at him for a long while. Crying silently as she tried to find her words.

His muscles were trembling from how tightly wound he felt.

“I… saw you get examined in the lab… I was in the vent, y-you were on the table with your little legs…” she sobbed. “I-I saw what he did… i s-saw you lie there l-like you were asleep…”

Raph felt an icy chill run through his body.

He stood back, staring at her in shock and shaking his head a little.

“You… you saw him do it…”

It wasn’t a question.

Her face answered it anyway. Anguished, guilty, miserable. Sobbing away at the table.

He couldn’t move and she didn’t say anything.

“Mom…” Leo softly whispered beside him.

Donnie kicked his stool over with violent force and marched out of the room.

Mikey was staring at Raph with big wet eyes.

Raph was frozen.

“How… how could you..?” Leo asked her.

She hid her face in her hands, sobbing loudly.

“Y-you couldn’t go back! H-help would have brought attention! You couldn’t go back!” She wailed. “A-and you blocked it all out! What was I supposed to do!!!”

“SOMETHING!!!” Mikey screamed suddenly.

They all turned to look at him. He looked more furious than anyone had ever seen him, pure rage in his eyes, sitting up on the counter with his body hunched over.

He shook his head in utter disbelief and got down off the stool, marching over to Raph and taking his hand.

“We should leave.” He said seriously and tugged on it.

Raph didn’t want to move.

“H-he tried to do the deed himself Raphael! H-he tried to use himself as the donor first! H-how could I tell you that!” She slammed her fists down.

Leo’s hands were on Raph’s shoulders now.

“You… saw dad rape me…”

She kept sobbing.

“I-I couldn’t d-do anything to s-stop him!!”

He shook his head slowly and turned his body to face Leo behind him.

“I… I don’t want to talk to you…” he said softly.

Leo stepped around him to hold him from behind and Mikey tugged him once more.

This time he followed.

And just left her crying alone.

They both walked him into the bedroom and sat him down on their pile of beds, Donnie was already here curled up in the corner crying by himself.

Raph just sat very still, his feet still on the ground. He stared into space as someone put a blanket over him, someone else shut the door.

He couldn’t even cry, he felt emotionally comatose and just stared blankly into the wall.

He felt his brothers grab his hands and squeeze them.

“Raph…?” He thinks it was Leo, he couldn’t see.

A soft chirp came from his other side.

He blinked but didn’t look over.

“I… Don’t wake me up…” he mumbled. “I don’t want to feel this…”

They both went quiet, he sensed movement behind him, and then felt all three brothers hugging him on all sides.

He just kept staring at the wall.

“She watched him rape me…” he said quietly again.

The grips got tighter. Someone was sobbing. It could have been all of them. They just held on to him, and it was the only thing he was going to let himself feel.

“If mom watched him rape me, then that means she let him rape me…”

He kept staring. The grooves between the bricks started to glow from how little he’d moved his eyes.

“And if she let him do that, and then… then all these years she should have known what was wrong with me, right..?”

“Raphie…”

He closed his eyes.

He took a deep breath.

And then he just screamed as loud and long as he could. Until his lungs were fully empty and then some.

Then he finally let himself break down.

[deathzgf]

Dear sir, i hope this ask finds you in good health and all that and if you’re still into amrev/frev could i pretty please hear about your essay on the similarities between saint-just and john laurens 🥺

if not, feel free to delete this ask!

your obedt. servant,

mizumech

first of all I AM SO SORRY FOR LETTING THIS ROT IN MY INBOX for. checks watch. gulps. Dont even worry about it kitten. anyways. i have been so excited to answer this ask ever since receiving it i do not know why i have been neglecting it so much

second of all this whole thing is like 99 . 9 % a joke between my good friend @toastytrusty & i + ridiculous stretches so dont expect anything too serious LMFAO

ok ramblings of a madman time yay

so the saintlaurens towers were first hit by the similarity planes back in late 2023 which prompted This Fuck Arse Venn Diagram

dont worry if you cant read it because i cant either . will try to decode what i can ft updated commentary to start off this yapfest though !

little fifteen year old me put in the saint - just set :

french

fatherless mdr

, in the laurens set :

numerous of his letters still intact ( * ?? i think i was blinded by my grief of sjs letters getting burnt when i wrote this because laurens certainly had his unfair share of lost letters )

american

present father

in a musical ( * im pretty sure sj is in a musical too ( Not les mis ) but i did not know this back in 2023 )

, & in the intersection :

( almost ) 27 at death

gay

autistic

mentally unwell

artist ( * to a certain extent ... side eyes sj )

in love with major revolutionary figure

military twink

almost lawyers

tried desperately to escape home town ( * its been so long i do not remember what i was referring to with tried " desperately " to escape home town with regards to sj )

" babe come home from the war i miss you "

enjolras tbh

gay trio ( couthon , robespierre , saint - just / la fayette , hamilton , laurens )

& honestly Yeah . Ok . Sure . no idea what i was cooking with some of these but

we also got

actually this might end up a compilation of various bullshit screenshots because i do not know how to collect and redistribute the sacred knowledge they hold in any better format

also flowers. something something john sunflower symbolism laurens something something louis antoine " florelle " saint - just

oh theres also The Fire

+ The Hand Thing

and Before you jump me gentle reminder once again that this is fun & games and i am well aware those are two incredibly different things & one is just made up for the hell of it but i like fire trucks and monster trucks i like to play & draw

anyways. theres also also their , as poetically put by toast , " lack of runtime "

theres also also ALSO their fuck arse gay arse letters

AND SOCIALISM !!!

& after scouring twitter & discord w key words i cannae find any more worth sharing nor anything to jog my memory enough but if i think of anything else i will update this with more silliness & if anyone thinks of anything else feel free to add :3

thank you for the ask !!! im so sorry again for taking so long & sorry if this is underwhelming AJLKFJDLKSJFK

[callme-a-good-girl]

uugghhhh taking this tolerance break is kinda annoying. i wanna get so stoned and let my head get super empty and edge myself to some fucked up stuff

im done on friday and i have the whole day off work so imma get sooo high!!!

ive actually been thinking of letting someone control how high i get. i mean, im just a dumb little kitten who doesnt know how to do anything!!! i need someone to tell me what to do!!!

god i cant help but imagine someone telling me to take another hit or eat another edible and i listen to them cuz i wanna be a good girl!!! and as i lose more and more control, they'd have to help me do everything cuz id be too out of it to take care of myself

of course, with me being so helpless, its the perfect opportunity to violate me. it wouldnt even take much effort. i cant move, cant fight back. youd just have to slide down my panties and you could force yourself on me over and over again

id be conscious, and at least partly aware of whats going on. little whimpers of protest escaping my lips. but youd just keep going, growling in my ear that im just a fucking junky rapedoll. that its my fault this happened.

ah, i can only imagine what would happen after that!

[kinki-cami]

Mmmm this bed really comfy ill write again after i wake back up mmgmggfhgfgmmgdgfgggm

Ughhh awake again and i cant seem to fall back to sleep lllllllhhh...

Wait. Arent i supposed to be on a ship? Ib war? The bed was horrific to sleep on, or at least should be. Oh gods. Ive been caught. Shit ok. Uhh so is this how they fuckin like consume people or something? Or like attempt to like innterogate? Because lemme tell ya the affini aint getting nothin outta me, i wasnt even paying attention, i didnt even memorize the name of the ship! (It was all really boring, like being back at school) so L affini i guess. Ok. Its really quiet, luckily marsh is here

"Marsh," i whispered, "should we look around? I mean its probably best to ensure my diabetes is in check, at least make sure theres food or sugar or somethin. Oooo or fruits i love fruits <<<333"

The bed was pretty tall i definitely couldnt just stand up i had to like literally hop down, wasnt too bad though. I made sure to keep marsh on me, i wouldnt want them getting lost, or be lonely in an unfamiliar place. It was pretty spooky but it was practically dead silent, or at least as dead silent as you can get with (as far as im aware) one person living in a fully functional living quarters (so like vent noises). As i walked around the bed i saw myself in a mirror and wow. These are really cute pajamas, shii if i could afford these back home i would have bought something like this. I checked myself out for a little, these would look cuter if i had a bigger butt, but thats neither here nor there. Shit do they have a bathroom? I dont wanna haveta pee on houseplants, that would be uncomfortable. So what bathroom first then food? No food first low blood sugar could kill me and I could just use the bathroom elsewhere if i MUST go. Ok i wanna look around this room first. Theres a closet and a wardrobe, not opening either incase theres something in there, like spooky things. Not that i could open it considering i just woke up so incredibly weal right now. Some decor, not super interesting but GODS its big i would estimate like average living room size.

Freakin massive hall too. Ok first things first, find the kitchen. Theres gotta be food there. Gods damn this is like the size of a cafeteria, for like a whole ass kitchen and living room, damn holy shiitt. Ok focus cami. Lets look around the living room half first, if we hear ANYTHING thats not me we are bolting back into that room and pretending to be asleep. Pretty big couch, its like how you would sit on a table to get up there tho, sheesh. Tall lamp, coffee table, still pretty basic. Needs some art, just like a big portrait would really brighten the place up. Maybe make a cat poster (love that old timey stuff). Anyway speedwalking over to the kitchen, im probably slowly running out of time. Aight we have counters you cant really see over, sorta understandable for a freaking giant plant. Uhh like counter in the middle of the cooking area, probably to serve and cook nearly simultaneously, and an island, what looks to be an electric stove, nothing else really that interesting round here. The cabinets are all too high for me to reach so there might be food in there. Theres a weird ass microwave looking motherfucker thats like built into the wall. Uhh ok, that was fruitless. Time to find a bathroom. Gosh this is so large. I presume this door next to the hall is locked considering its not opening. Heck that may even be the way out, but hell im dead anyway, so no use trying to escape now. I could still hide but maybe they wont kill me if they think im asleep. Fuck ok uhh ok cant go into a depressive spiral right now. Fuck ok. Its all hitting all at once now fuck. Ok fuck the bathroom. I wanna say goodbye to everything. Fuck i dont know where doc kirb is shit. Ok thats ok. Marsh can say goodbye for me, yeah. Ok yeah im going to go come to terms with- What was that??? Fuck. Ok marsh get on that bed. Ok.

Pain to climb up. One foot on the frame and just there. ok. Marsh come here we gotta pretend we're asleep. Ok. Fuck i dont wanna die. God i think the plant's comin closer. God im going to die alone and unloved... besides for marsh.

[cantsleephomesick]

i was too young that night

and you knew that

playing with my feelings

i was just a child

you acted like nothing happened

like i was the villain

but you made the first move

dont you dare put me in that position

scrubbed myself clean

what you did was vile

so fucking mean

and hostile

i was only thirteen

too young to understand

but i was always told you keep my hands to myself

i never knew why but now i am aware

and i want to call you names

because i know better

i didnt even know your name

now that doesnt matter

seven years have passed

i sit here telling my story

in my therapists office

i hope she doesnt think im boring

recounting the day of my thirteenth birthday

my mother flew me half way across the world

just for someone to take my innocence away

i still cant talk about it

i swear im not a coward

no matter how many campaigns are out there

i still dont feel empowered

repeat that sentence again

see if that makes sense

now twenty

this is going to haunt me until the end

twenty fifth of september

twenty seventeen

i was too young half you age

you probably have a wife and kids

you were probably engaged

but i didnt check

because all this happened too fast

your hands on my back

you never asked

you might know where this is going

the words cant escape my mouth

i know you know what im talking about

i was too young that night

probably half your age

im trying to be alright

and im trying to change

but i shouldnt have to be the one to suffer

i shouldnt be the one to mourn

but it is unfortunate how world works

i was thirteen

bet that didnt cross your mind

when you put your hands on me

how unkind

[iris0gardens]

︾It doesnt matter anymore︾ WD1 Aiden Pearce x Fem!Reader

"You don't even know what else I messed up on."

TW/TAGS: Chase, Blood, fear, tears, romance, Jordi being a dick

description: Aiden and Reader get hunted down after one of their dates went bust. They tried escaping but unfortunately reader got hurt....Aiden is worried

She didn't have a clue that their date night would result in them having to run from a group of people that wanted Aiden dead. Her breath quickened as she held onto Aiden's hand tightly as they ran through an alleyway while gunshots were heard in a close proximity.

Y/N wasn't even properly paying attention towards the path as they ran, all she wanted was for it all to stop as suddenly a sharp pain hit her side. "fuck!" she hissed out as she let go of Aiden's hand to put in on her wound. "Y/N, we cant stop now. come on!" Aiden immediately hurried to her side and picked her up bridal style as he then proceeded to sprint off into a direction.

"I got shot Aiden!" The H/C female hissed out in pain as he took a sharp turn to a darker alleyway. "I got you, sweetheart. don't worry. just hold on and stay with me." he replied fast with worry laced in his voice as he hid behind a dumpster, crouching down while holding her close to his chest. "shh..."he whispered softly to her as he put a hand on her cheek. Footsteps were heard echoing as the group proceeded to split into the two ways. Two men were now in the same alleyway as they were and Aiden knew what he had to do. "stay silent." He muttered as he placed his lips softly on her forehead while he placed her down gently. His eyes quickly looking into hers before looking towards the men creeping closer with guns in their hands.

Aiden quickly let out a silent breath before he let the men creep closer to their hiding spot before proceeding to tackle one of them, taking their gun and pointing it to the other. He fired and quickly eliminated the other man as Y/N watched in silence. She never was aware that men were after her beloved boyfriend. The one she thought was a silent yet loveable dork. The female slowly felt her world darken around her and closed her eyes due to the blood loss she experienced.

As fast her passing out came, she slowly woke up. Her surroundings changed from a cold alleyway to the cosy apartment Aiden owned. A familiar safe place she cherished as she carefully sat up, trying to ignore the pain that shot up her body as she looked around for her lover before looking down at her outfit. She no longer was wearing the dress and got changed into a pair of black shorts and a baggy t-shirt she knew belonged to Aiden. Before she could analyse the bandages, she heard something.

"No Jordi..I didnt anti- look I just need to know who did it...why? Y/N got hurt! I cant let it happen ever again..what if she thinks- alright. talk later.."she heard Aiden in the other room, bickering with a man named Jordi before hanging up seemingly annoyed. "A-aiden?" Y/N stuttered out weakly, not having used her voice for a little while. As soon as she called out for him, footsteps were heard from the other room, Aiden rushed to her side, crouching down on the couch next to her, taking one of her hands into his own. His expression was full of worry and fear for his Partner. "Sweetheart...im so glad you are awake...how do you feel? need anything?" his voice nonchalant as always but on a deeper level filled with soft concen.

"im okay, Aiden..just need a few.." She muttered out as she gave his hand a soft squeeze. "you were out for the whole night and the bleeding thankfully stopped...look, Y/N...im sorry you went through this...I thought I left it in the past-" "it doesn't matter anymore, Aiden. We all mess up and piss off the wrong people.." The H/C woman softly interrupted him as she put an hand to his cheek, caressing it.

Aiden closed his eyes, taking in the sweet touch of his partner filling him with electricity he loved. He let out a deep sigh before grumbling out "You don't even know what else I messed up on." A small chuckle was heard from his opposite before he felt her forehead on his. She planted a small kiss on his lips before muttering against them.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I still love you the same"

-AND ANOTHER ONEEE. hope yall enjoyed some concerned Aiden and don't forget my requests are open!. stay safe yallll-

-not keen on constructive critism as I do this as a way to enjoy myself and share it, so PLEASE NO COMMENT ON MY WRITING STYLE UNLESS ITS A GRAMMER ERROR. THAMK YOUU-

[jinxcdd]

the writer is not the character. the character is not the voice actor.

this apparently needs to be spelt out to people.

you can still like something even if someone in the background is problematic. it's being able to separate fiction from reality.

look at jk rowling and how she got cancelled for one comment. harry potter is still loved by many. michael jackson - how many of you still listen to his music when the allegations came out? James Gunn - how many of you still watch the guardians of the galaxy movies and think their great?

What i'm getting at is the product is not the person behind it. you can enjoy something without endorsing the bad parts.

someone saying they like the voice of a character is not them admitting they like the voice actor - they just enjoy the voice. as someone who is audio sensitive there are some podcasts that i just cant listen to because i dont like the voice behind it - doesnt mean i dont like the person or the show... it's pained me before because i really enjoyed the show but i couldn't stand the voice. it works the other way.

liking harry potter doesnt mean you have to like jk rowling or endorse the comments she made. just appreciate the art and move on.

this is the internet.

this is a place to relax and escape.

a show is just a show.

a character is just a character.

if you dont like that character that's fine no one's going to hunt you down for it.

so don't start harassing people for a character that they do like!

Just skip past that blog - unfollow - block - or just dont follow in the first place. no one is forcing you to have anything to do with them.

you dont have to make everyone aware of the behind the scenes. let people enjoy a FICTIONAL character.

we all read fiction. we all read books/fanfics that have massive redflags on it. god knows the amount of trigger warnings in the books i have read but do we all enjoy a morally grey character that have the biggest red flags ? yes. would we go near them in real life? fuck no.

We know the difference.

grow up and let cancel culture die the death it's meant to. we can all wear our socks how we like. get over yourselves and MOVE THE FUCK ON. it's boring now and im sure im not the only one that is done with this PATHETIC behaviour.