#I feel like I wanted to add more to this but My Future Self doesn't remember what. so.

[coucouatoi]

don't want to be alone | h.s.

Pairings: Harry Styles x Reader

Summary: Divorcing the biggest superstar on the planet is the hardest thing you've ever done. Almost as hard as marrying him was.

Warnings: Angst, couples therapy, a little bit of fluff, hopeful ending

A/N: I don't know why I'm feeling so full of angst... but, please enjoy!

Flashback are in italic and present day is normal text

Boxes are littered around the house. Some full and taped shut others still being stuffed with your items. It's a slow and torturous process, having to choose what to take, what to throw out and what things are a conversation waiting to happen "That's a wedding gift from my aunt" or "When have you ever used that?" or even better "I know it was a gift, but I paid for it so i'll keep it". It's like he knows exactly which buttons to press to get the fights started. Granted you might be doing the same thing... But it doesn't make him entitled to all the belongings you've ever shared.

You've managed to find all the picture albums, the ones you decided to make for sentimental value. The ones you gifted him in tender moments. The ones filled with so much love, so much hope and promises for a future together. The ones you're now highly considering throwing into a paper shredder and tossing into the nearest incinerator. The ones you won't be able to get rid of. The anniversary album you gave him on your one year, the wedding album, the honeymoon album, the many travel albums and, of course, your daughter's first album.

Little Anya, barely 9 months old just starting to babble her first words. Chubby legs working so hard to keep her standing and exploring. She can barely take 3 steps one after the other but she's a fighter. Your little girl that is now a cause for argument, no, fights. Custody battles. The true war between yourself and your husband, Harry Styles. Neither of you want to lose or call for a tie, it's not how either of you operate in conflict. That, most likely, is the reason for the downfall of your relationship.

Frustrated you put the albums back where you found them and you head to the kitchen.

Most kitchen items have been packed up, Harry had never really invested in worthwhile cutlery or electronics of any sort. You take some orange juice from the fridge and pour a glass for yourself. The fridge itself is barren, with only the essentials left... neither of you has gone to the groceries in weeks. Today is not going to be a good day.

From the rediscovery of your love-filled albums to the boxes you've spent most of the day doing, you still have one horrible thing to do.

Couples therapy, your first-ever session. You thought, well still think, that this is too far gone to save in therapy. There won't be anything new shared that you haven't already screamed in each other's faces and self-help talks aren't exactly going to do the trick. Anne, Harry's mother, insisted that your marriage doesn't only include two people anymore. Anya makes it worth trying, she is worthy of a stable home as she grows up. No matter how unstable having a superstar parent may be, divorced parents might just add to that an unruly amount. So, you've both agreed to try. Try your very best to reassemble your love no matter how shattered it has become. Love. Love hasn't manifested itself once since about your seventh month of pregnancy. Love has vanished from your husband's once warm and inviting eyes, it no longer lingers on his fingertips and doesn't even creep into the more tender moments you must share with your baby. Love feels like a complete joke to you now.

-

The waiting room is empty of other clients which is a blessing in disguise. This is the absolute last place you'd want to run into Harries. Even if the media has already been dragging you in the mud for "breaking their dear superstar's heart" and has been making all sorts of claims about you and your marriage. In the very beginning, Harry had spoken up about these articles and had gotten his team to shut some people up but he's been losing care for... well, you.

"Harry and Y/N?" you look up meeting the eyes of who you can only assume is your therapist. Without sparring your husband a glance you get up and follow her into her office. It's cosy and smells like vanilla. There's a yellow glow to the room, it bounces off her multiple frames and decorations. Very nonthreatening, immediately putting you a little more at ease. She gestures for you to take a seat on her velvet green couch and you sit down squeezing yourself onto the left armrest. Harry does the same to the right.

"Good afternoon to you both, I am Trinity Finch. Can I get either of you something to drink before I sit down?" She smiles politely as her eyes shift between both of you. You only shake your head as an answer not trusting your stomach at the moment.

"Water if it's not too much trouble, please" Harry's voice is strained, he had been at the studio all morning probably preparing a new album you aren't aware of.

Trinity nods and quickly grabs a water bottle from a small fridge she's got right behind her desk. Harry mumbles a thank you as she hands it to him. You don't realise that his hands are shaking as you're back to looking around the room. He takes a few big gulps before your therapist gets to sit in her chair.

"Today I would just like to start with a history lesson on your relationship. How it started, all important moments, how parenthood has changed your shared life and just how you two are as a couple" She starts getting things ready around her, notebook, pens, highlighters, some sticky notes and you swear that you spotted some bright childish stickers. Her long manicured nails tap against the glass of her desk a few times as the silence stretches. Neither of you taking the first step in this session. When she looks up again she doesn't look annoyed or surprised by the lack of an answer.

"Harry, how did you meet your wife?" Trinity asks him gently.

Harry seems caught by surprise to have been asked a question directly. He looks at you briefly before turning his eyes back to her.

"Um, we meet on the plane. For some reason, my private plane for that day was not available and they booked me on a regular flight. Premium ended up being full and I got an economy seat. I had the aisle and she had the middle we ended up bonding over our shared movie choice. Then I asked her out and um here we are?" He ends with a question. As if unsure if "here" is a good thing, it's definitely not but meeting has, unfortunately, brought you both here.

"And when was this?" she asks.

"April 2018" he answers quickly. She nods presumably writing it down.

"How was your relationship before marriage Y/N?" she looks at you now with kind eyes. They are big and dark. Staring right into your soul. It makes you slightly uncomfortable but at the same time you don't want her to look away she's your lifeline right now.

"It was very easy. I work remotely as a translator and an editor, so I've always been able to tag along on his travels and tours. He, um, he always insisted that he rather have me with him even if we couldn't see each other every single day. Just knowing I was near helped him..." you sigh. You don't want to shed tears this early into your session. You don't want Harry to see you cry any more than he already has over your lost relationship.

"I really loved following him around the globe" you add, looking down at your lap willing your wet eyes to dry.

"Any fighting? How did you deal with that?" Trinity is still talking to you maybe even sensing that you're about to cry. Is that what she wants from this?

"Well, yeah. I mean all couples fight, right? We fought over the same things all the time really. I wanted more affection I guess pressuring him to take some time away from the spotlight or he wanted me all to himself whenever it worked with him without thinking of my work. Our jobs were the main reason for fighting between us" Besides you, Harry scoffs before taking another sip of water. Your head turns to him

so quickly that a sharp pain forms in the back of your neck. Your posture immediately tightens, muscles locking and your breath gets heavier.

"What? You don't agree?" you question him in a much harsher tone than you were previously using. He meets your gaze and shrugs.

"I do but that's not all we fought over" he shrugs again not looking away. Is he trying to pick a fight right now? Here of all places?

"Then what? What am I missing?" you prepare yourself for the worst. Ready to feel like absolute shit at anything he might say.

"Your constant jealousy was a contender for the most appearances in our fights" his entire expression is accusatory but he does this thing with his posture. Gets all soft and somewhat blazé making you feel inferior and so incredibly small.

You want to storm out. Call Anne to apologise that it couldn't work out and immediately sign the divorce papers that are permanently placed right on your dining table.

Not wanting to fuel this energy taking over him right now you shrug as well before facing Trinity again. She's watching both of you like a hawk, processing the way you react to conflict with each other. Making mental notes as well as some physical ones all while hostility happens between her clients.

"We'll move on from this for now. Harry, how was the wedding? How did married life change your bond?" this seemingly calms his overgrown ego. His face is neutral again but there's a softness to it now, recalling the happy days.

"We had an Italy wedding. We, I love Italy. I flew everyone out, our families and friends, and then we stayed there for a month more for our honeymoon. The wedding itself was... amazing. We kept it small. Intimate. With my life it's always been hard to have that so, it was important to us" he sounds blissful towards the last part. Probably back there now in his mind. Ah, the good old days as they say.

"I don't think married life changed us much. We were living together before that and we'd been planning it since we got together practically" he stops talking again to take another sip of water. You look at the lady in front of you again and as she begins to open her mouth to probably question him more Harry starts talking again.

"I guess tension started about a year in. The media wasn't kind to her. They made up cheating rumours on both sides and manipulated things to make them seem like something else. Someone even showed up at our old house while I was out" he took a deep breath, cracking some of his knuckles at the same time, "We were always on edge around each other. Throwing these rumours at one another just to I don't know, get a reaction? Plus, we were stuck at home because of Covid and my tour was postponed. It was a real shit show" he laughs bitterly and you nod along to what he was saying. That was just a terrible time. For everyone.

"Then I got to go on tour, Y/N didn't follow along for all of it but she was there most of the beginning. It wasn't the same as before. There was this distance that just never got better. And then she got pregnant" he almost sounds exhausted. Maybe he is, you're not sure how much he's slept lately.

-

Shit. Fuck. This can't be happening now. Shit! The word "Pregnant" seems to be mocking you as you look down at it. Mocking the fact that you and Harry have not seriously spoken in two days and that you're flying back home tomorrow. Mockingly reminding you that this can only make things worse right now.

"Y/N, come on the car is waiting downstairs" your husband's voice is weak through the thick hotel bathroom door. He's performing in Toronto tonight. The second day, the last day before he flies to New York and you go back to London.

You walk out of the bathroom, straight past Harry, not wanting him to read your face and figure out that something is terribly wrong. You slip into your shoes for the night and take a deep breath, no scratch that, a huge breath. Willing your facial expression to cooperate before you turn to him and smile.

"Let's go superstar!" he smiles back and walks over to you. Grabbing your hand and bringing it up to his mouth so he can plant a kiss on the back of it.

"We just might have to cancel tonight if you look this good" his free hand wraps around you tightly glueing you to his body. You know he doesn't mean it but you pretend to consider it nonetheless.

"Mh what about all your adoring fans? Won't they be so utterly crushed?" you tease against his lips. He smiles wickedly before slowly nodding.

"I do have quite the engagement this evening... how about I make it up to you after?" he presses soft kisses to the sides of your face. Framing it.

"That's a pretty good offer, I just might have to tak-"

"HARRY STYLES GET YOUR ASS OUT OF YOUR HOTEL ROOM!!" Jeff's voice is full of annoyance as it cuts you off. Rude.

You laugh before getting pulled out of the room by your husband. The small plastic stick forgotten on the washroom counter for now.

You get a harsh reminder tho when you're back at the hotel after yet another amazing concert. You're laying on the bed completely stretched out and now only dressed in your underwear. Harry's currently using the washroom to try and get some of the remaining glitter off his face when he finds the secret you've kept all evening.

"Y/N, what's this?" his voice is so shaky that you barely even understood what he asked you. However, when you look up your brain catches up. He's in his boxers, left hand in his hair and right hand holding the test like it's made of glass as he looks at it as if it's going to explode. Fuck.

"No chance that you suddenly lost the ability to read?" you try and lighten the suddenly very heavy mood in the room. It fails.

"You're pregnant. How, I mean no I know how. Fuck, you're pregnant" he looks up at you panicked.

"We don't have to keep it" is the first thing out of your mouth. Probably as a panic response to his reaction. Not wanting this to turn into another fight.

"What?! Why wouldn't we, you don't want, I um" he takes a second. He's just breathing heavily while looking at you desperately. "You don't want to keep it?" he breathes out.

"You do?" is all you answer. You stand slowly, finding the clothes you just took off to put them back on. Whatever mood you were in is gone you're now filled with anxiety and a deep fear.

"You leave tomorrow... We won't see each other for what 3 months? In Mexico?" he hasn't moved an inch. Feet seemingly glued to the floor and limbs were frozen.

-

Pregnancy. One of the worst and best times of your life. Your gorgeous baby girl came out of all the pain you suffered. She gave a new meaning to the way you live, made you forget about all the physical pain you endured and...

"Why do you say it in that way? Like you still dread what the pregnancy brought" Trinity's voice almost startles you. You'd been so lost in your thoughts that you'd almost forgotten where you were.

"I don't! I love Anya" his voice is stern.

"What about your wife? What happened during the pregnancy?" she's digging. Wants to find the right buttons to push.

Harry stammers, but no answer seems to satisfy him. His hands are squeezed under his things, his right leg bouncing and his eyes avoiding either of you.

"We didn't plan her, I was right in the middle of my tour. We, um, we weren't doing very good and she was about to go home" he looks at you suddenly surprising you when he meets your eyes. You can't read him, can't understand what he's feeling. You haven't been able to read him in months.

"She- You, Y/N, she got really sick in February the seven-month mark. I was in Australia and I couldn't be there. It really strained us, we fought all the time over the phone and in person. I guess that's really when we went downhill" his jaw tenses when he looks away from you. Looks like he's not happy to have to have shared this with the room.

"Okay, thank you, Harry. I think now's a great time to take a breather. I'll meet both of you individually when we come back. So, see you both here in 20 minutes?" Trinity smiles at both of you and keeps smiling until you both walk out.

-

Harry doesn't come back. You wait 45 minutes in Trinity's office looking like an idiot. She dismisses you with a look of pity on her face before scheduling another appointment 5 days later, lots of work to do you assume. You rush out of the building humiliation creeping into every inch of your body. How could he do this on the first day? It was going fairly well, well you think so anyway... did he give up on your relationship right then and there?

As you make your way to your car you see him. Harry is pacing back and forth in front of his car as he seemingly argues on the phone. His free hand waves erratically in front of him, gesturing like mad for someone who can't even see him. So this is what he's been doing? Arguing over the phone while you sat in a therapist's office waiting to try and work on your ever-crumbling marriage. You scoff before turning away from him and to your car. But nothing seems to be on your side today as your husband hears you and immediately calls out to you.

"Y/N! Why are you leaving?" you hear him walk towards you, the clacking of his shoes getting closer to you but you ignore him and walk away faster.

You're completely focused on your black Subaru, the "You're so Golden" sticker catching your eye and making you more pissed off. Something that was put there because you loved the song, because of how beautiful your husband's voice is in the song but now all you want to do is rip it right off. So, that's what you do.

Your nails claw at the edges of it desperately. You don't want any reminders of Harry on your car, you don't want to think of him while putting the groceries away, while walking around the car after putting Anya in her car seat and you don't want to see it in your rearview mirror anymore. The top corner lifts as you're pulling at it giving you the perfect leverage to rip it right off. You throw it to the ground right before turning around to stare daggers into Harry's eyes.

"45 minutes, Harry. I sat there 45 minutes with our therapist looking at me like a beaten dog!" you hiss at him. He is now only about 2 or 3 feet away from you. His eyes are wide, in shock you guess, as he looks at the sticker. "What could you have possibly been doing for more than an hour that made you forget what we were here for?" you're sure you sound desperate right now. Your head is all over the place and your heart feels like it might explode out of your chest.

"An hour? I, no, that couldn't have been more than-"

"You can go back up and ask her if you want because I really really don't want to be around you right now" and now you're crying. Fuck. Why are you crying now? You need to leave.

While rummaging in your bag for your keys Harry grabs your arm. Well maybe not grabs, he just places his hand on you, resting it there delicately. If you weren't so aware of every single inch of your body right now you wouldn't have noticed. No matter how delicate the touch is supposed to be you flinch out of it aggressively.

"I'm, I'm so sorry Y/N. That was my mother, she, fuck" he sighs and runs a hand in his hair gripping it tightly. "She wants us to go up... she's rented a lake house or something I guess" his voice is so soft, shy even.

"Us? You mean you and Anya?" god you hope so.

"I'm so sorry" is all he answers.

-

Anne Twist is a very difficult woman to say no to. Actually, it's impossible to say no to her. In the many years you've known her, she's always been able to find a way to make you say yes. Always in a good way. She loves you, she has told you that countless times, and you love her but now that you're... the way you are with her son you don't know where you stand. Yet, she has still found a way to get you to agree to something you would have much rather not have gone to. You're in a small townhouse almost 4 hours away from your home in London with your mother-in-law, your daughter and your soon-to-be ex-husband. What has your life come to?

Anya is sitting in her high chair passionately eating banana slices as you watch her. She's already gobbled up the strawberries and pita bread slices she also had for her snack. She's such a good eater always so ready to try new things and taste whatever the adults around her eat. Especially the sweet treats her dad sneaks her.

"Do you want to go take a dip after huh? We should enjoy the water my love" you coo at her as she takes her final bite of food. She smiles at you like she understood what you asked and you chuckle wiping her chubby cheeks and hands. She'll be able to float around in the water for a little bit with you before you put her down for a nap. The steps of your morning are perfectly planned so that you can have your solo Zoom session with Trinity.

There is a small river behind the house you're staying in. The water goes up to just above your breast and it's the perfect warmth at this time of day. You've made your way down to it and are now setting up Anya's towel for when she'll be too tired to entertain you and ready for her mid-day snooze. She's currently lying right by you looking up at the sky with such curiosity, probably trying to figure out what the hell clouds are.

"You're so curious my love!" you shake her gently as you smile widely. "What do you see up there?" as you look up to join her sky-gazing you spot Harry making his way to the river as well. He's only got very short grey swimming trunks on meaning his entire chest, thighs, calves, and arms are out for the whole world to see. Maybe that's an exaggerated statement as you're the only one looking right now. You want to scold yourself for staring, you really really do but he's just so... so captivating and very enjoyable to look at no matter how much you resent him at the moment.

"Mind if I join you ladies?" his voice is more cheerful than when you heard it last. Must be because he's actually speaking to and looking at Anya.

However, when you don't answer his question he looks up at you. Expression now closed off again, how it's always been for the past few months. You smile politely and nod before turning your back to both of them so you can take your robe off. Your swimsuit isn't anything special; simple black one-piece that's high on the hips and low on your back. You think it looks pretty good on you but now you feel very aware of the amount of skin you're showing. You decide to just get in the water hoping its dark colour hides you. Hides away the skin your husband might be looking at.

"Looks like mummy is in a hurry, we should join her. What do you think sweetheart?" Harry picks your baby up and makes his way into the water. He holds her tightly to his chest as he climbs in, just in case he slips on the stones he uses as stairs. Once your daughter's chubby limbs meet the water her mouth forms into an adorable "O" shape. It's the second time Anya's been in the water now so she must still be unsure about this feeling. Harry turns her so that her front faces you and her back is against him. She smiles when she spots you reaching her arms out quickly which splashes some water around. She looks at you with a shocked expression and does it again with a giggle now.

"You little troublemaker! Trying to splash me!" you tease her sending some water her way. She answers with a sweet giggle and shakes her arms around as fast as she possibly can.

"Mh, my jokester gene is strong in her" Harry's voice is laced with pride. You playfully roll your eyes at him and hum affirmatively.

"And her love for singing too" you add remembering so many moments where she hums to any song playing. Her favourite thing to do is to harmonise with her father. His deep voice always gets her attention, always gets her to mumble and hum along with her own lyrics.

"Oh yes, she's the next big thing this one" he affirms kissing the top of her small head affectionately.

It's in moments like these that you tend to forget how bad it is between you. How many horrible things you've shouted at each other not caring how deep your words could cut. The accusations, the insults, the taunts and even the lies still weigh heavy on both of you. You like these softer moments, where you're reminded of how much love you both had for each other. Have? Had? You don't know anything about your feelings anymore, they are much too complicated to understand...

All three of you stay in the river for about an hour more before Anya starts yawning and fussing. When you exit the water you're quick to slip your robe back on still overly aware. Harry wraps the fluffy towel you had gotten ready around your baby. Her head rests in the crook of his neck, her eyelids already heavy as she blinks slowly. You all walk back to the house together silently. Might it be to keep the sleepy baby calm or to keep the peaceful aura around you and your husband, you don't know.

Harry insists that he will put the sleepy girl to bed and that you should take a shower first. After all, you have the first private sessions with your therapist. The mention of her does make the air in the townhouse tense again but Anne appears immediately to kiss Anya before she naps. You use that moment to sneak into your shared room with Harry. Luckily, it has two single beds so you don't have to share with him.

Signing deeply you rid yourself of the now damp robe you had on. Another blessing in disguise, this room has an en suite bathroom so you'll be able to jump right into the shower. Before that you do want to set up your laptop for the video call, you want to be as ready as you possibly can be. You grab your device from your backpack and make your way to the small desk in the corner of the room. There's a bunch of papers scattered around it, one glance at them and you immediately know what they are.

Lyrics. Drafts of songs and melodies written by your rockstar husband. You don't mean to read any of the words you really don't but as soon as you spot your name at the top of one of the pages you're doomed. You put your laptop down on Harry's bed which is right next to the desk and reach for that exact paper.

The words you read are full of longing, pain, sadness and fear. They mourn love, they are mourning your love. You pick up another sheet of paper, this one has no title but there are so many lines written. This one is reeks of self-hatred, of shame and guilt... it shakes the weak barriers you've built around your heart. All of the lyrics you read on different papers revolve around the same emotions. These are all about your relationship. About the death of it. About his desire to turn around. You don't realise you're crying until a tear falls onto the paper you hold. The ink bleeds into itself where it's been wet blurring the words slightly. You quickly wipe your face and put the papers down. You shouldn't be looking at these, you're invading his privacy.

"Thought you were showering" Harry's voice startles you out of the chair. You meet the floor with a loud thud. Your tear-filled eyes meet his sharp ones. Scrambling up to your feet you grab your laptop ready to explain, ready to apologise over and over again.

"At least tell me what you think" he sighs walking into the bedroom and shutting the door behind himself. This shocks you. What does he mean? He, he's not mad? Isn't disappointed that you invaded his creative space? Your mouth opens and closes a few times unsure what you should answer.

"I'm sorry" is all you're able to get out. Your brain is blank in absolute fear but tears keep falling from your eyes.

"I should be apologising... you, you weren't supposed to see those" he walks in your direction slowly, testing the waters of how close you'll let him get. He's closer than arm's reach when you flinch backwards slightly and he stops immediately.

"I was going to ask you for your permission before making any of those full songs but you know music is how I cope" he whispers now that he's so close to you. Silence takes over the room again, stretching out for too long. Your eyes somehow keep producing tears as you try and speak. Hopelessly searching for words to say.

"Do you really miss us? You miss me?" is what you come up with, your voice is so shaky that you're on the verge of sobbing uncontrollably.

This shocks Harry in place, seemingly not prepared for that kind of questioning from you. His mouth gapes and his eyes grow wide. This time you do see his hands start shaking. You're not entirely sure what this emotion is.

"Of course I do. Did you not think so?" while still whispering he reaches out to hold you but stops himself hands falling at his sides.

"Yo- Harry, you asked for the divorce. How was I supposed to know you miss me?" your voice breaks. You don't understand, why is this happening now, why is he saying these things?

-

"We should just get a divorce" Harry snaps at you as he fights back tears. Your expression immediately closes up, your body reacting before your thoughts and words do. Protecting you from what he just said, building walls around you and your heart as quickly as possible.

"Fine" you spit out as you turn away from him and walk straight out of your bedroom. If that's what he wants then so be it. You won't beg for anything now that he's made his decision.

-

"I know, okay? I know that I asked for it and that it's the reason why you don't talk to me anymore. Well, you do but not really" he sighs and sits down on his bed, damn swim trunks wetting the bed "We talk about Anya and when we're not we are yelling at each other... so when was I supposed to tell you that I missed you? That I regretted asking for the divorce..." he looks at you with a guilty expression, all his emotions are coming up at once.

"Why did you ask for it?" you ask him sitting back on the desk chair with your laptop still in your hands.

"I got in my head. You were saying we should take some time for ourselves maybe live apart... with everything that kept being said about us, I got so scared" he takes your laptop out of your grip and puts it down next to him.

"I thought you were going to fight me on it..." he adds as he grabs your hands tenderly. Like he's afraid you'll break.

You shake your head in disbelief not sure what to say. Your thoughts are all over the place, what should you make of this?

"It broke my heart" When did his face get so close to yours? You should really move away. You can't fall back into him, you can't let yourself do that. So you pull away from him roughly, your hands tugging out of his hold, face moving to the side, a sob making its way out of you as your back meets the chair-back.

When you meet Harry's eyes you can see the pain, the hurt, in them. They are brimming with tears that are so close to spilling out.

"Are we... are we too broken?" his voice has dropped to a whisper. He sounds so sad and scared.

"I'm worried" You take in a few breaths before you speak again, "What if we just end up hurting each other again? What if we can't go back?" you choke out the last few words. Tears spill endlessly out of your eyes and sobs rack your entire body.

It feels like you're running out of air and the little bits you get in are painful. Your eyes burn as you cry and your hands are shaking like crazy.

Harry might be answering or trying to communicate but nothing is making its way past your meltdown. What does make it through is the feeling of his arms around you. Him pulling you against his chest tightly, immediately rubbing your back as soothingly as he can. Your hands are grabbing his still bare skin desperately, wanting to anchor yourself in any way you can. Your face rests on his peck, right above his heart, the frantic beating bouncing around your head.

"Breathe, you have to breathe love" he speaks delicately in your ear, breaking through the barrier your body has put up.

"I'm- I'm, I can't... Harry I can't" your clawing at him almost trying to get under his skin, someplace you might be able to understand everything that's going through his mind.

He wiggles around a little before laying you both down as he keeps reassuring and encouraging you. He drags you on top of him your face now pressed up against the juncture of his neck. Your left-hand makes its way into his hair, pulling at it as softly as you can manage. Harry's hands run up and down your back, your arms, and your neck and he even pets your hair delicately. He's always known how to best calm you down... how to bring you back down to earth and out of the panic attacks you sometimes get when you're overwhelmed.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry" he repeats that over and over with a pained desperation. Harry's scared shitless too. He doesn't know how things will go with your relationship. He can't guarantee that you won't end up actually wanting a divorce one day... But he can love you. He has and will keep loving you. He hopes it'll be enough to save your marriage. He'll work incredibly hard every single day to prove his love for you... if you let him back in he won't ever let you go. He'll leave it all up to you. Your little family is all he needs, he'll spend the rest of his life proving that to you if that's what it takes.

[w1shb0n3z]

Alright, so hear me out

(this is another long one. Like. Seriously. It has 2.6k words.)

*yes, I edited this like 5 mins after I posted it just to add some more, oops

Post cannon Labru where Laios tries to help Kabru regain weight

TW: ED, Body Dysmorphia, Fat-phobia, Gender Dysphoria

It turns out to he a huge body image thing. Like Kabru develops a bit of an ED after he gains his weight back and tries to stay "the perfect weight" and major body dysmorphia. But! It's very sweet because hand feeding, of course, and self-acceptance.

I imagine Kabru's blue eyes get brought up when Laios is like "oh, you don't like that about yourself? :( you're so wonderful! What else could you possibly not like! Surely not those eyes ^^" or something

Plus! I'm 98% sure that Laios gains some weight post cannon, so his wrestler build gets softer, which, yay! We love that here! But this comes with its positives and negatives. (Dont he scared by how big the negative paragraph is)

Positive: Kabru has an example of having a healthy relationship with yourself and your body

Negatives (and hold on) TW btw: at a certain point of Kabru's weight gain/ body acceptance journey, where he gets obsessed with keeping "the perfect body" and does everything in his power not to gain anymore, his own twisted view of himself spills over to Laios. He starts to view Laios as a sort of slob or careless person because he gained weight after the dungeon and gained an extra 5-ish pounds while helping Kabru gain. Because Laios can and will encourage Kabru to eat by eating with him with a smile on his face.

What if someone finds out about Kabru's purging?

Yes, Kabru has purged a few times while he was at his lowest. And no, Laios doesn't catch him in the act. He doesn't know until someone tells him about it. Kabru just keeps it to himself with a tinge of guilt. Someone else finds out. I can't decide who yet, but if it were:

Chilchuck - he'd be familiar with his topic because one of his daughters went through the same thing. He keeps secret as per Kabru's request but gives to Kabru straight. He tells him vomiting hat much rots your teeth and only has negative impacts in the future. With Chil being big and tall for his race's standards and him canonically watching his own weight, he talks Kabru through this whole body image thing. Maybe not in the exact way Kabru wants, but in the way he needs

Senshi - he's SO against this. He tries to father Kabru, but his own lack of understanding for why Labru feels this way gets in the way of progress. He urges Kabru to eat and tells Laios what's goin on in hopes of figuring out what all of this is about, accidentally spilling the beans and leading to conflict between Laios and Kabru

Marcille - she doesn't really get the ED thing, but she gets not liking your body (since she never fit in with her "age group" while growing up and wished she physically presented like them). She also tells Kabru that throwing up rots his teeth and says it's bad for your mana and junk. Shes very offput by this whole thing, but she tries. She doesn't tell Laios...on purpose. (Falin also finds out becuase the guilt Marcille has from telling that secret ears her alive)

Falin - my girl does NOT understand. But she's here to empathize. She ends up being huge in Kabru's healing journey. She tries to check in on bim every now and then and uses her own transformation to promote body acceptance

Izutsumi - she doesn't know what to do. She's 17 goddamn it. So when she hears Kabru throwing up she just assumes he's sick, but when she keeps hearing it she gets a little stressed about him. She goes "he's just weird" and mentions it in conversation to someone else, most likely Marcille (which probably led to Marcille finding out in the earlier paragraph)

Mickbell...somehow - is like "dude wtf" and tells Rin about it since he knows there close. He's worried, yeah, but he doesn't think its really his problem. Especially since the two fo them aren't close like that.

Kuro - he finds out and tells Rin as well, he also tells Kabru that he looks fine. He mentions it to Mickbell, yeah, but in a "Will he be okay? :(" way

Rin - devastated. She initially gives Kabru a hard talk...which makes him worse, but hey! She tried. Rin then thinks its becuase of the shame of dying many times and tries to comfort Kabru again. Doesn't work. She tries to get him to eat the things he likes. He eats them, but she can sense the guilt from Kabru. They then have a heart to heart becuase Rin can't stand to see her best friend suffer like this and assures him that he looks fine as often as he needs

Holm - he takes a simular approach as Falin but gets a little more involved. He understands it on paper, but can't image what actually having these issues is like. Yes, he also informs Rin and is the one that told her to try to speak to Kabru in a less...prickly manner about this touchy subject

Daya - She doesnt realise what Kabru was trying to achieve by puking. So she just advises him not to do so and tells Rin about the strange behavior.

How does this affect non-platonic Labru?

Easy!

Well for starters! If they were boning before, they aren't now LMAO

Partly because of Kabru's own body image being trash and his attraction to Laios (temporarily) going to shit after Laios gained some weight to encourage Kabru. Damn that internalized fat-phobia. Neither one of them seems to have a clue what's going on. Let word, seems.

Kabru knows his view of Laios just isn't the same, but he doesn't let it be known that he's aware of this.

Does he feel bad? Yeah. But he only feels bad because he doesn't feel bad. He feels as though he's a shitty boyfriend for harboring such disgust for his partner's figure

Laios catches Kabru stealing glances at himself in the mirror. Staring just a little too long. Laios deduces that Kabru's feeling a little self-conscious after some hard thought.

So, of course, he makes sure to be extra careful about his words. He'd totally be like that one meme (which I can't find) that goes: "damn girl, that ass is wide" "what??" "I didn't want to say fat and trigger your eating disorders :/"

Plus, on the not boning thing, they're busy. You got a king and his advisor, they're not gonna be cranking it up every night! They simply sleep together, in a literal sense most nights anyways, so more sleep isn't anything bad

Additionally, I don't believe Laios has a high sex drive at all. (I personally think he's on the asexual spectrum, maybe because I'm ace, but still)

Kabru won't initiate a thing at the moment, it's up to Laio's sporadic desires to get things going. (It never gets going)

What if Laios discovers Kabru's feelings towards him and the purging?

He's hurt, simply put. He can't understand why Kabru dislikes his body, Laios can't understand why his own body would be such a turn off now.

In the non-platonic vers Laios tries to become "sexy" again. ....He fails horribly and ends up making a fool out if himself. At first he's like, "well monsters do this to attract mates" right after he feels as though he needs to inprove upon himself. Then he goes "no... Kabru isnt a monster, and im not either (unfortunately)"

He pushes that silly thought aside and tries to find out *why* Kabru is turned off by his looks now. His face? No.. His hair? Just got it cut. His figure? ...but why?

Laios goes right up to Kabru and confronts him about it. Kabru being the slippery bitch that he is denies it and goes "lol wtf haha! I luv u bae and there's nothing wrong with u!! ur so sexy and hot haha..."

This, inevitably, confused the shit out of Laios and he asks for honesty. Kabrus actions aren't exactly aligning with his words, and something needs to he done.

[Okay, let's be real here. If Kabru didn't want Laios to know how he felt, Laios' ass would NOT know lmao. This is just for the bit]

Now the purging? Laios is like "dude what? :(" he doesn't understand it. Nope. Not at all. He tires to he supportive, but he really doesn't know what to do with this. It's not like there's a bulimia monster, so he has no real frame of reference.

He's all "but you look fine how you are :(" and "I like the weight on you!" or even "did you know that [this species of monster] finds fat attractive? ,:D"

He means so so well, and Karbu knows it. Laios really is just a dog of a man.

Laios also tries to get Kabru to promise to stop. We know how that went. Karbu agreeing just to do it behind Laios' back because he knows Laios won't find out. He'll cut back on it, yeah, but he has his weak moments.

Eventually, Laios makes sure to only have Kabru serve his favorite meals. That should keep him from puking it up! And Karbu stops after a while. But only because his health is on the decline.

What else?

Two words: hand. feeding.

Kabru throws up? He gets his favorite meals so he won't. Kabru keeps checking his figure? Less mirrors in the caslte and more compliments. Kabru not eating enough or skipping meals? Simple. Laios makes sure he eats.

And how? A little less of Laios sensually slipping a fork full of decedent chocolate cake past Kabru's lips and a little more than a simple "here comes the airplane"

It starts off as Laios seeing Kabru taking smaller bites and being like "oh! Let me show you how to fill your fork! ^^" and then him taking Kabru's fork, impaling a bunch of assorted foods onto said fork, then handing it back to Kabru.

Then it sort of devolved (...evolved?) Into Kabru begrudgingly letting Laios feed him like a toddler while no one else ot looking. My boy Kabru does NOT know how to say no to this autistic man properly.

Laios was like "would it help if I just fed you?" And karbu replied something like "haha! It just might!" And of course Laios did not pick up on that God level sarcasm and went "cool, Let's try it then" and Kabru, wanting to appease Laios said "cool!". Bro was punching air.

(Yes, Laios said stuff like "good job buddy!" "You're doing so well!" "Its tasty, right?" Almost every bite)

In the non-platonic world, Laios would have Karbu sit ever so close to him as he was fed, maybe even in his lap. And of course Karbu would get a peck on the cheek after every bite. And the whole process may or may not turn Laios on. Especially when they're dining on monster. Whoops.

....anything else?

This all ties in with the absurd standards that was set for Karbu and the insecurities he hides within himself.

The whole blue-eye-spawn-of-a-demon thing was already enough for him. But being raised by that moody ass elf was a whole nother thing.

Milsiril, his adoptive elf mom, raises children like she has a monopoly in daycares. She's a serial foster fr. All them damn kids. Raising them like pets becuase you want something to love and depend on you. (I love Milsiril btw)

Anyways.

Kabru was his mom's favorite since his features were unique. Im talkin big bright blue eyes contrasting with rich dark skin, in particular. Plus, he was so sociable! All of his siblings looked up to him in one way or another. He was the star child.

And, you know that thing about elves being twinks, right? When ever Milsiril would check up on Karbu's health, she would use this old elven chart depicting the "average/desirable/suggested" height, weight, and muscle tone for diffrent short-lived races at diffrent ages/stages of life.

Safe to say these charts and texts were based off of elven standards, so everyone was thought to be slimmer, lighter, and more toned than normal. Plus, they're old lol. Instead of updating her charts and buying some from the diffrent cultures and races, she keeps her old one becuase she legit just forgets to replace it and hasn't had any "major problems" while raising her kids with that information so she doesn't think to change it.

What in trying to say is!

Kabru was raised with unrealistic body goals, and when he used to deviate from those arbitrary statistics during childhood he'd be put on diets and stuff.

Also, What if Kabru was transmasc?

Especially when he was a teen, even gaining a little wait made him go nuts. He couldn't get the words "unhealthy" out of his head and started associating it with the word "fat". His mind likes to play tricks on him when he's in the mirror. Exaggerating his figure and making him panic.

So! When he was sick and tired after that weird ass dungeon trip that changed his whole world and he came back to find himself thin as a pin, he tweaked.

He logically hated it because it was unhealthy, but a part of him was satisfied. With the added stress of becoming a Kings advisor, he started to crack under the pressure, manifesting in an obsession with himself. When he started to gain weight back he was brought right back to those check ups he had with Milsiril and those 2, maybe 3 times he was put onto diets in his youth. He really feared he was getting fat and he would just stare into the mirror and feel his flesh beneath his fingertips, searching for some sort of confirmation. All he felt was a bit of a squish, a bit of a give, and that's all he needed.

It was too much for him. His body was wrecked in his eyes. He's supposed to he fit and lean and thin and perfect. How could that be perfect? He looks in the mirror in his private study, wasting the time he could've been spending planning new city infrastructure or working out the kinks in trade. But no. He's here, in his dimly lit room, looking at how imperfect he's become in his eyes. How unhealthy he is his mom's eyes. How disgusting he is in his birth mothers eyes.

He had to fix it. The wound rubs deep, dar past the dermis. And, I guess, much like other wounds that cut a chasm into the skin, you don't really feel it once it severs your nerves. You don't really notice until you see the big, gaping, bleeding, notch where you used to be.

Lol anyways

Whoo boy. He is in hell. He feels like gaining weight makes him look "softer" and more feminine. He hates it, yes. But he tries his best not to let it effect his wardrobe. This whole weight journey really rehydrated his gender dysphoria.

He's used to looking a little androgynous, but with his new weight going to his stomach, hips, and thighs, he just feels as though his silhouette is becoming more girly.

Kabru is found training and working out more. Anything to get his body more boxy again.

He spends more time making sure he looks presentable. Even waking up a little earlier to ensure he vouge cover ready. (Well, I mean, as vouge ready as perpetual business casual can be)

And how does it end?

It takes some time, but Kabru heals. He's 10 pounds heavier than when we were first introduced to him, but he doesn't mind anymore.

It was a long journey full of all sorts of denail and shame, but he got there.

He's still the Light Yagami coded perfect chivalrous boy. He always has been. And Laios loves him all the same. Platonically or not.

Laios was essential in Karbu learning to let go of those impossible ideal and unreachable standards. Laios does not give a fuck afterall, he thinks all human bodies are unintresting beautiful! That dude does not judge. Rember him talking about the orc women in one of the monster tidbit sections? He's about body acceptance and neutrality.

Kabru grew to love his body, not just tolderate it or like it because someone else does. And if it tickles you, he liked the extra pounds Laios gained in the end, too. And if you're here for non-platonic Labru, then Laios may have became a bit of a feeder and has a tiiiiny food kink. Plus, Laios is a huge fan of the squish and Kabru likes how warm Laios is.

I just want to add this in here, also hecuase ive seen it before and i agree, but Laios seems like the type to give dutch ovens. He shows love like a big brother and its horrible (affectionate). This passes Karbu off SO BAD and it's hilarious. He has to sit down and have a very direct and serious talk about "getting too comfortable". And Laios would sit there the entire time like a sad dog and nod along.

Kabru and Laios also wrestle. No debate. They do it to spar, Laios does it for fun, Kabru does it to make Laios shut up. It's great!

Sorry this took so long lmao,, I legit just kept forgetting to write this

This was just word vomit. I've lost the plot somewhere along the way, I fear

[leoascendente]

PAC/ Your future self wants to tell you... 🔮

-Reuploaded and reedited old PAC-

Hi my loves and welcome to this new Pac, today you'll receive a message from your future self. This is an old pac I decided to correct, rewrite and add some more information. Take a deep breath before choosing your pile and choose the one that makes you laugh, take only what resonates and leave what doesn't. You can choose more than 1 pile if you feel drawn to. Hope you like it, I love you all 💕

Decks I used: Goddes guidance oracle, moonology oracle, shadows and lights oracle, ethereal visions tarot, astrodices and my lucky charms.

For private readings click here

Pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

Pile 1:

Oracle:

Things will become a lot more easy in your future, I see you very happy with how things will move in your life in every aspect. There's a massive shift in your reality from what you curently have going on, you'll be making a bold move that will lead you to success very fast, this energy is fiery and rush so surely everything will move at speed of light for you once you give that step. I feel that this success is estremely close, like this could happen in any given moment, it's like you have the door, you have the key and everything ready but nothing moves until you open the door you have right in front of you. I feel that what is keeping you looking at the door and not moving forward is a wound related to your confidence, this wound is caused by other people who judged you and treat you unfairly in your past, they made you think you weren't capable of doing great things and they hurt you so much that you ended up believing their lies. Don't let cruel people's actions hold you back or repress you from doing what you really want to do, be unique, be original and don't be afraid to show yourself.

There's a karmic person coming back to your life, you know this person and you probably have bad a good memories with them but things ended up un bad terms. They are the same as you remember them, with their positive and negative traits but you have changed a lot since this person left your life. Your future self warns you about them, not because they have bad intentions but for you to not repeat a past situation with them. You'll need to listen your intuition to proceed with this person, keep a safety distance if they have hurt you or made you feel bad about yourself, I hear something about hero complex so try not to save someone who feels right being as they are, no matter if you know how to help them, if they don't need or want your help or advice don't waste your energies, there are a lot of people in the world that will really need and appreaciate your help, but this person from your past doesn't. Your future self tells you that you need to pass this karmic test, this situation will help you realize your inner power and recognize all your personal progress and growth, it will also be helpful for your confidence.

Take as divine signs when you see blue butterflies, horses or an orange cat, the goddess Freyja, something related to Avalon and pink flowers.

Tarot:

(Cards: Ace of pentacles rev, king of pentacles rev, 4 of pentacles rev, 8 of wand rev, the Temperance/ 6 of cups)

The tarot cards talk about money issues you have been dealing with in your recent past, but if it's not about money it's about your sense of stability or physical safety, something has made you feel insecure or this feeling of uncertainty is something you carry from a young age, you might have felt like doesn't matter how hard you work, the ressults of your work are taking longer to reach you. Don't worry or doubt about your manifestations, sweetheart, I know waiting can be exasperating sometimes and can make you think you are in the wrong path or things don't work for you, but your future self wants you to know that this is not your case, you are doing things the best you can so avoid being so hard on yourself, some things take more time to materialize in your reality but that doesn't mean they are not going to manifest, it might sound cliché but it's true, good things take time and the more time they take the more wonderful the rewards will be, every seed need its proper time to grow and become a tree..

Your future self ask you to stay more in your present moment and work in your feeling of deserving, your future self is perfectly fine but you are forgetting about enjoying your current life. You really need and deserve a break and have more fun, you deserve to live a happy life, you deserve love and you deserve success just for being you, start believing in yourself and all your worth. You are also in a healing moment of your life and that's why your past situation is coming back to finally end up with this cycle, you really need to leave this behind because new golden doors are opening for you. This past situation that is repeating has something to do with an emotional wound you haven't solved yet and this comeback of someone will be the perfect chance to make peaces with your past and turn the page into the new chapter, your future self is telling you that is your moment to heal and Universe will be giving you the opportunities to do so.

Temperance and 6 of cups tell you to enjoy the simplicity of life, these cards invite you to take things with calm and work on your inner peace. Take this moment of healing as a gift from Universe, let the Divine guide you and show you what you couldn't see by yourself, everything will end up better than you expected. Also, don't doubt to ask for help to your spirit guides, they are there to help you whenever you need them.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Taurus, Jupiter, 5th house/ agate, aventurine, rose quartz, golden leaf, shell)

Well... There's love and romance on their way to you, for the most of you this is the person you are going to marry and have kids or pets with, I hear something about a legacy so you will surely have an abundant future with this person, also I see this upcoming relationship will be very healing for both of you, you two will feel your relationship as a wish fulfilled. The agate and 5th house have the message of wealth created by following your true passion and heart's desires, the golden leaf also talks about prosperity and abundance. As an advice, your future self asks you to work on your sensibility and your intuition, you also can be developing psychic abillities

Pile 2:

Oracle:

My spiritual pile 😊, It's time to take a leap of faith honey, trust yourself and your potential because you are capable of great things and you know it, you just need to believe and remind it more. You are bold and powerful, my love but your mindset is playing you a bad trick by making you think about all the things that could go wrong, remember that it's just your brain predicting things that probably will never happen. We know we are brave after facing something that scare us, so do it babe, jump to the unknown with fear but do it, chase your dreams and shine like the star you are because the loving hands of Universe will be there to hold you.

You have a vision of something you want to achieve, you want to success in a very specific area of your life, maybe it's related to career, love, a glow up, money... Whatever it is you are going to get it sooner than you imagine but you need to stop rushing ressults by now and take the strategic steps you need to take because your goal is almost here but excessive control over things can be delaying your success. You'll reach your goal love, your future self assures you that, but you need a time to see what you really want and what works best for you, don't try to fit in a box that's not made for you, do things your own and unique way and you'll see how fast you manifest your desired reality. Also, your future self wants you to release the weight of fitting into other people's expectations of you, don't betray yourself to make someone else happy.

Your future self asks you to improve your intuition and your connection with your spirit guides, you have angelic precense in your life by the moment, they'll show themselves in the form of moths. Ask your angels for help with self confidence and releasing behavior patterns that are no longer useful for you, they are very present in your life because you are energetically ascending and overcoming a lot of emotional baggage, you might feel over emotional for the next few weeks but it's a needed process to cleanse your energies and your soul, let your emotions guide you and give you the answers to your blockages, and rest if you need it.

Tarot:

(Cards: Chariot rev, sun rev, queen of cups, justice rev, wheel of fortune/ High priestess)

You are or have been waiting for the perfect circumstances to do something you really want to do, it's something that when you think about this, your heart jumps with joy and excitement. You know this can make you really happy but you are waiting for the outside circumstances to change instead of looking within to see what's blocking you, you are being unfair with yourself by forcing you to stand still and wait when something that makes you happy is at your hands and is calling you so loudly, your future self is telling you to check yourself to see what's holding you back and why you are expecting a chage from the outside when you are needing a change on the inside, that's why this reflection moment is so important, there's nothing outside blocking you, this comes from withing yourself but remember that taking a leap of faith will be very rewarding. This emotional issue might be related to the fear of being judged or rejected, maybe your dream is something unconventional or the way you want to make it is, but keep always in mind that Universe is aligning everything for you to reach the best outcome possible.

You know the solution to it, you got the high priestess at the bottom of the deck and the queen of cups to represent you, you are wiser than you want to admit. Your intuition is really powerful, make use of that wonderful gift you have more often honey and believe it when your 6th sense talk to you. By the moment your future self tells you to let the Universe put things into place while you heal that part of yourself that holds you back from chasing your dreams. You can check pile 1 if you felt called too.

Embody the energy of the queen of cups by entering in your femenine energy, rest more, meditate, pamper yourself with things that makes you feel beautiful and comfortble, be kind with yourself, eat that ice cream you love etc. I hear something about a crystal ball, maybe you can get one to help you with your intuition and to communicate with your guides, you can also be having lucid dreams so try to keep a dream journal next to your bed to write your dreams when you wake up, dreams and the oniric realm will be very significant for you.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Taurus, the sun, 7th house/ white heart, rose quartz, shell, spike)

There's a love interest appearing soon in your life and this person is going to be very straight forward with you since the moment they meet you, you are attracting a lot of attention and people who wants to spend time with you. The shell fell next to the spike, telling you that not every person that comes into your life is good intentioned, your intuition will tell you who you can trust and who you have to keep away. You are going to receive tons of love, not just romantic love but true friendships, you surely will be reuniting with your soul tribe.

Pile 3:

Oracle:

My dear pile 3, you might not be in the best moment of your life and I'm really sorry for that, but the good thing is that there's divine intervention currently happpening in your life. You are being helped by higher realms to help you heal some wounds that you have been trying to solve and you could't by yourself or to help you deal with that situation that got you out of balance. It's something that's giving you a lot of anxiety and maybe even sleep problems. Your future self wants you to release control and surrender to the divine and a release, some things are put of your control and you can'tdo much about it, if you are not yet in that process of healing it will start soon. You got Eireen and Ixchel, both goddesses related to healing and inner peace, there's this really high vibrational energy focused on you and many times, when we get this energetic downloads we get overwhelmed by past memories or experiences so we can eatch them with a new perspective, the bad thing about this is the anxiety we get from this too. When you feel overwhelmed with this just call your spirit team, they will lead you to the answer of the problem, this will also make tou feel supoorted and protected.

Whoever chose this pile, you are a very brave and strong person, you have overcome some obstacles very hard to deal with in your past and most of you, just by yourself. This makes you feel powerful and confident but also distant and stoic with other people, you know you don't need anyone to solve your problems but we are still humans and we are social animals, our hearts will always feel called to create connections with others. You had difficult circumstances over life that might led you to create a protective shield around you to avoid getting hurt again, it's good to have healthy boundaries but avoid making your heart a feelingless rock. Your future self wants you to know that this is the moment for a deep dive in your feelings to heal and find inner peace, you need to release negativity my love, and if you can't do it by yourself, just ask for help to your spiritual guides, they wil be there for you but stop being so closed off with the world, also, your heart chakra is needing some attention.

Your future self tells you that there are new doors opening for you in your future that will lead you to success and maybe a position of autorithy/power for some of you, but you can't walk through them until you let go all that weight you have in your back that is keeping you in a negative mindset. Be careful with your pride playing a bad trick on you and try to use this time to release negative energies, you can wear a protective symbol to keep low energies away from you, I see specificly an Egyptian cross. You can also burn rosemary and smudge yourself with its smoke (please don't use white sage, it's in danger of extintion and it needs a ritual to be used correctly, use rosemary, it has exorcising properties and it's useful for almost everything)

Tarot:

(Cards: 2 of pentacles, knight of wands rev, emperor rev, hierophant rev, 4 of wands/ 8 of pentacles)

Mmm I see you are being a little reckless or moody with those reversed emperor and hierophant, are you allowing yourself to have fun? or at least do things because you want to make them and not because you have to? I feel you are repressing your happiness for something outside of you, I even feel that your muscles are tense. Maybe you are trying to fit in a enviroment you don't feel comfortable in or the people you have around make you feel lonely but you still hold on to them, idk what the situation is but it involves more people, for some of you this has to be about a toxic work enviroment. If this is the case, your future self tells that you don't have to cut them from your life if you don't want to but you should ask yourself why you feel like you need to repress yourself to make them happy, your happiness also matters and now you should be focusing on that.

Analyze the way you treat yourself or what you demand from you, your inner voice might be too hard and you have to be more gentle and caring with yourself. Honestly honey, I feel you are in a little toxic envorioment and that's why the need of a protective symbol, to keep the negative energies far from you, so an stone like tiger eye or tourmaline can be helpful to be energetically protected. You are an intelligent person but you are listening to the voice or opinions of other people instead of yours, by the moment let outter circumstances evolve at their own rythm and focus on what you can do for yourself and nurture your inner world.

Your tarot spread ends up with the 4 of wands, a card of celebration and happiness, so don't worry, you will have your happy ending. By the moment, your future self asks you to put the focus on the 8 of pentacles, to be progressively moving torwards your desires without listening to others, just do what you feel called to do. Also, think about the things you really want to do, fulfill your desires more often at the same time you acomplish your tasks, fun and duty can coexist if you allow them to.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Aries, Venus, 1st house/ infinite, golden leaf, star, shell, aventurine)

You need a big dose of self love, to put love and care into the things that make you passionate and you feel driven to make. Everything will end up good for you, stop for a while with overdoing or overthinking and invest more time in your wellbeing and emotional balance, you also need more silence to listen your inner voice and intuition more clearly. The overall message from your future self is that you need to think less and enjoy more your life, it's good to be ambitious but it's important we don't forget about ourselves in the process, we owe ourselves love, protection and care. The golden leaf tells you that wealth and abundance are flowing to you and the star is reminding you that you are moving into success and recognition for your talents, keep going and don't let anybody mess with you. Also with the aventurine and the shell you got the message of allowing this divine healing energy enter your life, light a candle for your guides, make a gratitude journal, etc. Whatever helps you develop your spirituality will make you feel a lot more peaceful and will make you trust more your instinct. I'm also getting something about eating more fruits and do some grounding excersices.

Pile 4:

Oracle:

Mmmm I see you excited for something new you are doing or something you really want to do, maybe it's a new hobby, activity, course or job, you know this involves some changes in your habits in order to do this new thing the best way possible. Even though you know the change can be difficult or uncomfortable, this new oportunity makes you very happy. This new dream of yours is going to bring you abundance and success in your future, I literally see golden sparks falling from the sky and being poured over you, so don't let your insecurities or anything hold you back from this because it's a golden oportunity for you, release any attachment and move into that direction, your future self assures you it's going to be worthy.

You can be through a period where you'll be very emotional, allow your emotions flow so you can understand better what your emotional world is trying to tell you, maybe you can discover the root of an insecurity you needed to let go so you can feel lighter. I'm hearing that you are used to your comfort zone and you don't manage well sudden changes, but babe, all your cards tell that this change will bring so much happiness and abundance to your life, don't miss this wonderful chance.

Trust yourself and your desires honey, if you are feeling that excitement within you about that new idea or offer you want to manifest is because you are receiving information from higher realms to lead you to your happiest and most fullfiling outcome. The change can feel weird at first but after a while you'll feel great for making that decition and have taken the risk.

Tarot:

(Cards: Page of cups, 3 of pentacles, 5 of pentacles rev, ace of swords rev, justice, 9 of pentacles/ Temperance, star)

Your future self wants you to take this offer/opportunity that is going to come to you or take the step to move into that path you feel excited for, it will take effort from you but you'll have good people around willing to help you in anything you need. This opportunity will also help you financially if you were struggling in this aspect, a lot of pentacles cards fell in your reading, 9 of pentacles wasn't supposed to be on the spread but the card wanted to fell anyway by the justice's side, like you will surely will get a contract, promotion or a formal salary, however it is, money will flow into your life.

Again, at first you can feel overwhelmed and exausted but the enviroment will be healthy enough for you to fit fast and easilly, if you are not used to team work the people you are going to be with will be super nice and helpful with you in every moment. If you are going to have a boss or a mentor of some kind they will surely be very polite, respectful and fair, they will be very trustworthy and will pay fairly for your work, this is a very trustworthy and healthy enviroment to move in. If you have any court case going on or an issue related to the law it's going to resolve at your favor.

You will have extra money to invest in yourself, maybe to start a project by your own or just to buy something you'be been waiting for the moment you could afford it. Maybe that's why this wonderful offer comes to you, because this can give you the resources you need to start creating something by your own. You'll harvest the fruits of your labor and you will enjoy the ressults and also being so proud of yourself, after a while you'll look back so proud of how far you've gone through. As an extra message I'm hearing something about being careful with sharp objects.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Cancer, Mercury, 5th house/ ruby, bouquet, white heart, agate, star)

There are mixed messages here, for some this can mean that there's a pregnancy happening soon, for others this can also mean the planning and success of a personal project, for others I hear a massive glow up too. The overall message of your future self is that you need to apply logic and love in your life to achieve your goals, give the needed steps torwards your dreams and think more about your desires and plan to get them. The star and the ruby are signs of success, authority and recognition, for some even some level of fame. There's also a gift that will make you very happy coming from someone you love and appreciate, I see this gift will mean something important for you.

Pile 5:

Oracle:

This is my other spiritual pile, you can read pile 2 if you felt drawn too 🥰, you are highly protected by your spirit guides if you were wondering about it, you are in a beautiful process of transformation and evolution. Your psychic abillities are also getting stronger or you are finding new abillities you didn't know you had, whatever you are doing with your spiritual journey you are doing it great honey, and your future self wants to congrat you for the work you are currently making. You are becoming wiser and more powerful, you are also releasing generational karma and aligning with your soul purpose, you are making a fantastic work, be proud of yourself.

You might not know clearly where you are leading or what you are doing, you are just letting Universe and your spiritual team guide you with all the faith of your heart and doing what's best for you meanwhile, maybe you are trying to create a career out your spirituality (I encourage you to do so). Don't worry about your path, with your knowledge and the divine guidance you have you'll lead to a beautiful place, just go step by step for the moment. Your future self tells you that luck is on your side, just trust the process and everything will be fine, also there's a message here about a soulmate or even a twin flame, soon you'll be meeting them but be careful because your glow up will attract bees but also flies, be selective with the people you let in.

I see here some kind of codependency or bad habit you are breaking or you are aware that you need to break it at some point, there's something you are attached to and you are trying to undo the knot, just know that your guides are helping you with this and you are not alone, even a little step forward is still an step. Give yourself more credit for what you have overcome and what you are dealing with to get over, your path is unique and this will make you feel more powerful and confdent.

Tarot:

(Cards: Fool rev, 4of pentacles, king of pentacles, judgement, emperor/ star rev, strenght)

You are taking a more logical and structured perspective of your life, trying to focus your energies and intentions torwards a goal and planning an strategy to get it. Your future self wants to tells you that you are doing fine by being more grounded and having a more logical approach to your desires, maybe you've been moving through your gut feeling jumping to the unknown with faith instead of strategy and you've realized you need more organization and planning. You know what you want to manifest in your life but you also know that you need consistency and discipline and that's what you are trying to embody, your future self tells you that you'll be doing great, just be perseverant.

You are going to get the stability you've been looking for but first you have to find a balance between your spiritual and material life, you'll get all the answers you've been needing to keep progressing but don't let everything in hands of divine desings. It's great to be in touch with the spirit but you are still living a human life and you need to take terrenal action too. This is like a test for you too, of how much you can do if you really accept the challenge, adult life and responsabilities can be boring or exhausting but are part of life too, your future self wants you to befriend with your earthly life now that your spiritual life is on point and the communication with your guides is clear, consistency and perseverance will be your major keys.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Virgo, north node, 3rd house/ white heart, pink heart, swallow, diamond)

I see that you are aligned with your soul purpose and everything is moving correctly in your life path, the diamond and north node are signs that you are aligned with Universe. Try to help you by being more organized with an schedule of some kind, help yourself to embrace a more grounded energy in your daily life. Even the little day by day routines can be improved to guide us to better places, like a more healthy diet, waking up earlier, spending less time with the phone, etc. Details make difference. For some of you there's a relocating, maybe you are moving into a new home or neighbor, for others you might have to travel soon. You got both hearts with the charms so a love offer (I hear multiple offers tbh) is going to arrive soon in your life, I see your soulmate/twin flame is on their way but also a lot of amazing friendships will arrive too. The swallow is the omen of the ancestors' precense, they are by ypur side guiding and helping you, if you are into witchcraft they invite you to work with them.

Pile 6:

Oracle:

My sensitive souls pile 🥹 I'm getting something related to self worth issues, I feel a really loving energy from you but it hides sadness or melancholy behind it, like you are always trying your best to make everyone happy and you don't see that good intentions reciprocated. There's a lot of pain related to past relationships/friendships, whatever you have been through has left a mark in you that keeps you looking back thinking about what you could have done differently. You have very nurturing and motherly energy, like you really enjoy helping and taking care of others, you are a benevolent soul who sees no evil in others because you don't have that within you.

Your future self wants to warn you about someone in your life that has not good intentions at heart with you, I see a very weird situation here with a lot of anxiety and mental fog, this might be a romantic interest that is making you feel badly. This may be a pattern, a situation you've lived before but with different people or it's the same person and circumstance over and over again, Idk what it is but surely you do know because there are a lot of cards that says that you have seen and feel something worriying about this specific person but you did't knew clearly what it was. Your future self tells you that this situation has to end for your mental health and wellbeing in general, you have the wisdom to see what this person has to teach you and then let them go, you will end a tough cycle too. If you are not willing, for whatever reason, to take this person out of your life just learn how to set healthy boundaries. For some of you, I see someone very obsessed with you and with a very dark energy around them, they want to consume you somehow, I see this person has nothing to do with you, I don't like to say this kind of things but it gives me the feel that you are completely out of your league. The energy of this person is disgusting, so for the ones who resonate with this, please stay safe and do what you can to keep this person away from you.

Your future self wants you to work on your self worth and self esteem to make you feel safe in your own skin, give yourself more love and compassion, remind yourself that you are loved, guided and protected from highwr realms, though I see you are very conscious about your spirit team and their precense in ypur life. If you were having financial issues your future self wants you to know that it won't last too long, be grateful with what you have meanwhile and trust that abundance is close to you. There's also a message here about stepping out of your comfort zone more often, try new things to do or do something you've been wishing to do for a while and you haven't done yet, unleash your adventurous side a little more often and allow yourself to feel free.

Tarot:

(Cards: 10 of cups rev, page of swords rev, hierophant, queen of wands rev, moon/ knight of swords)

If you resonated with pile 3 I recommend you to read it too. This energy is so confusing I don't know how to channel and simplify it, I recommend you to cleanse your energies regularly. Whatever your situation has been it was really painful, I even feel like a void in my chest and can't barely hold the tears (I'm really sorry you have felt this way 😔), here I feel a heartbreak of some kind. Even though your past pain, your heart is still full of love to share and that's such a lovely and admirable trait, your future self guarantee that in the future you will look back with a completely different pespective and many things you don't understand now will have a reason to be.

You are an honest and genuine soul, you don't hide who you are or bend your values to appear nice in other people's eyes and this autenthicity sometimes end up with being misunderstood and feeling lonely, it's part of the journey and the polarity of life. There's this situation with someone that your future self warns about and it's telling you that this situation is draining your personal power and making your fears bigger than they really are. You really need to break this negative cycle and somehow you are aware that you have to but you are giving more chances for this person to change or you are being naive when it comes to them, don't let anyone use your sensibility as a weakness because it's not.

Your future self wants you to be honest with yourself and make an analysis of what's going on in your life, to check what's out of balance and start working on that, the key word here would be empowerment. It's your time to claim your power and energy back, to say goodbye to the past and close the chapter, the thing about past is that we can turn back time in our heads but nothing can be changed, being held by this is exhausting and worthless if it's not used to analyze the situation to evolve and bloom. You just need to shift your perspective and keep in the present moment, don't go too far on the future but also avoid staying too much in the past.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Sagittarius, Venus, 7th house/ swallow, golden leaf, bouquet, ruby, trisquelion)

I see you focusing on the things you enjoy and love doing, maybe even implying adventurous plans in your routine or do something completely new. I see you being brave and opening to new experiences and new people, the golden leaf and the bouquet talks about benevolent energies and abundance. You can also be entering into a new chapter in your love life and not just meet your soul family but your twin flame too, so be open for tue love because is entering your life to stay forever, true connections are very close. The ruby talks again about confidence and power, you' ll be feeling a lot more empowered and confortable taking the reins of your life. Finally, the swallow and trisquelion are signs of a huge spiritual team guarding your back, you are being guided and protected by ancestors and ascended masters, get closer to them because they are leading you to a wonderful place.

[blushstarot]

PICK A CARD: a message from your future self

Pick whichever picture you feel more attracted to and skip to that pile.

Pile 1

nine of cups, four of wands (reversed), the magician (reversed).

Okay, but this pile is giving me really sweet vibes, your future self feels like a genuinely carrying person, and looks back at you as a mother figure would. They just want you to be happy and feel welcomed and the energy is overall very heartwarming. Quick thing I want to add before y'all actually read the letter, i don't know if some of you are fans of musicals, specifically of Hamilton, but while I was writing the letter, the melody of dear theodosia was playing in my head so yeah, it might be important for you to know.

"Right now you may feel like you don't fit in, that you lack support, and that you aren't enough. I know you feel insecure but believe when I tell you that you don't have to be scared about that, you are enough and you all the skills and abilities you need to be successful. The universe is working to bring blessings your way, but you have to put some work on it too. Use your intellect, concentration and willpower to make this wonderful things happen, you have the power to manifest the outcome you want. Leave the past behind and put your mind in anything you want to accomplish, I know all our wishes and dreams will become a reality soon enough, for now it's the time of time of happiness, joyfulness and fulfillment."

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

Pile 2

page of cups (reversed), strength (reversed), page of pentacles.

I actually had to redo this pile because I got busy with something important mid reading, and when I had time to continue I couldn't really connect to it again, so I pulled other three cards to do the reading again. The vibes then and the vibes in this new one, suggest that your future self know you are having hard times, and are probably dealing with some childhood related issues, but they want to tell you that things will get better. Also something tells me that they REALLY wanted you to get their message, since they sent both the bearer of messages and the bearer of good news.

"You're going through difficult times, and right now I want you to try to connect with your inner child by embracing the fun side of life. I've always loved how we are young at heart, even sometimes a little bit naïve, but lately you've been ignoring your inner emotions and listening too much to people that are bringing you and your self-esteem down. I bring you good news from the future, a future where all our goals are achieved, but that is only possible if you make the right decisions now and put the groundwork necessary. The future I'm from might seem too far away from were you are today, but time passes quickly and is unforgiving, so I want you to take my advise and keep it close to your heart. I know you can become a person who is both mature and young at heart, I've seen it and have been cheering for you through all that journey, because after all I'm you, and I've already done it."

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

Pile 3

the fool, strength (reversed), five of swords.

I feel like your future self is encouraging you to start something new, maybe something you always wanted to try but never really made time to give it a chance. They want you to focus on the positive and to stay away from people that don't support your dreams. Overall, I feel this is more of a warning of what's to come, in hopes it helps you to be more prepare to face it.

"You're going to enter a new chapter in your life, it may look like something difficult at first, but you need to tap into your inner strength and don't let your fears and anxiety paralyze you. This new chapter is full of exciting and thrilling adventures, you just have to trust your heart and make a leap of fate. If you are not careful, you might end up self-sabotaging and getting involved in a serious conflict, causing unnecessary stress. When the time is right, I need you to stand up for what you truly want and what you believe."

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think of your message.

You can find more of my PACs on my master list, and if you have any suggestions on future PACs you want to see me do, you can send me and ask.

Bye byeee ✨

[deathbxnny]

HI BXNNY MY LOVEEEE

hehe I'm here another time with a platonic pairing~

Once again with a fem, little sister child! reader but this time it's not a specific scenario like my recent request for Aventurine, just headcanons with Argenti (never seen you write for my man? Idk if you write him, feel free to ignore him or add another character if you don't ♡) Jing Yuan and Dr. Ratio?

TAKE CARE OF URSELFF💕💐🌻

Hey there, dear moot!! This is such a cute idea, and I'd LOVE to write for Argenti, so thank you for including him!!<3

Content: Reader is a child, fluff, unserious, big brother characters, platonic relationships, slight angst, sfw

Reader is afab here!!

((Not proofread))

》ARGENTI

Argenti saw you as a blessing from Idrila, something he was very vocal about to everyone and especially his little sister. He spoils you greatly and has an inability to say no to you. However, he often still wonders if it is right to bring you along on his journey through the cosmos in search of his lost Aeon. He knows it's dangerous and most likely could cause his death one day... but he still can't find himself leaving you behind.

Since he is such a strict believer of Idrila, you ofcourse begin to mimic his devotion in your behavior, something that means way more than words could describe to him. His heart swells with pride when he sees you recite the prayers and praises or dress the way he does. It makes his worries and doubts melt away.

With that said, you truly have him wrapped around your little fingers, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

》DR. VERITAS RATIO

His expectations for you were high and perhaps even stressful at times. He wanted you to be the best, to exceed him in ways not even he ever could. Ratio believed that what he was doing was for your own good, for your own perfect future... which, however, unfortunately meant that he often times forgot that you were still simply a child. This, in turn, just means that he'll self-reflect often and try and give you more breaks in-between classes and studying whenever you need them.

With that said, he is a busy professor and scholar, which often leads him to not be home as much as you want him to. He tries his best to find some time to spend with you however when he is home, although that's usually spent either reading books or listening to long lectures from him. He thinks that that is great bonding time for the both of you.

Ratio may not be very vocal or open about his love for his little sister, but it's obvious with how much he cares for your well-being and future, even when he can come off as mean or harsh at times. He wants you to have a good life without him one day and will make sure you're prepared for it.

》JING YUAN

Jing Yuan adores you greatly and doesn't shy away from spoiling you with anything you want. He often gets accused of perhaps spoiling you even a little too much from Fu Xuan, but he simply waves it off with no concern. You deserve way more than he can offer you, after all.

With that said, Yanqing is indeed your designated babysitter, much to the boy's annoyance at times. On one hand, it's because Jing Yuan trusts him way more than anyone else with you... and on the other, he knows that the blonde will learn to behave himself and slow down better with you around. Or so he thinks, at first. Once you're old enough to become best of friends with him, the days of your mischievous pranks on the general start, mainly out of spite.

Jing Yuan finds it cute and amusing until he's dowsed in water as you both run away laughing hysterically. Maybe Fu Xuan was right...

Alrightttt... I hope this was okay, dear moot!! Thank you again for the request!!<33

[pensbridge]

1 thing that the Bridgerton siblings all have in common is that they are going to act in the most innane, chaotic, borderline animalistic of ways.

Anthony: speed runs toward Daphne and Simon without thought to pry them off from fucking in the garden only followed by bitch punching Simon square in the face; schemes to find the "perfect" wife (one who fits his checklist) to only later realize he feels for her sister....but doesn't stop there, and continues his plan as if he doesn't realize that his perfect wife is actually right there, therefore he should not have to attempt to marry the other in his escape that can only be described as a self-destruct endeavor to not accept happiness; ruins the plan AT the wedding; also smells his future wife as she passes (and gets caught); the gazebo..nuff said

Benedict: is generally a little shit (see him at dinner tables, in large gatherings, and just around his siblings); criticized an artist in front of their own work. he wasn't aware, which just adds to the chaos. walks into spaces without a clue to what is going on before him (i repeat: criticizing the artist's painting; also his chaotic arrivals at sibling councils calling for immediate action); in an ongoing frustration over his artistic expression that is meant to be expression of his feelings; proceeded to get high and took the whole bottle of substances; almost jumped out of a window fr

Colin: proposes to a woman he barely knows in a mad dash impulsive instinct that evades kissing her; walks out from the dinner with his fiancé without notice on the sole basis that he does not want to hear his future in-law sing badly. yes she is indeed terrible, fyi. failed engagement -> impulse flee from the country; ahh (sigh) he is feeding the ducks; loudly proclaims his "mis-affections" for a woman who is actually his future wife, then lends himself to help her find a husband like he doesn't see the big yellow sign flashing to reveal himself as the spouse in question

Daphne: is ½ of the couple about to desperately fuck in the garden; previously was involved in a scheme to fool the people of their surroundings that she was on her way towards marriage; ran away from a prince who was about to propose to her. I understand, but we are in dire, desperate times here. fell for the garden-fuck buddy, and became obligated to marry him, but he doesn't want kids oh no.........married him; in the "I know something my brother's fiancé doesn't know" club of 3 (peace-out, staying out of the drama; c u @ the wedding)

Eloise: trots into a room full of her mother and siblings LOUDLY inquiring how a lady becomes pregnant; accuses a maid of writing a gossip column as if she does have much time on her hands to observe and overhear the secrets of those in her surroundings, and further write about it with an internal sassy voice like she doesn't have chores and duties to tend to everyday to survive; does everything in her power to avoid men, marriage, and anything to do with the opposite sex... except one (which is scandalous no matter how cute/innocent). tears apart her bff's room in haste after the shock effect of Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Bonus) 'Mother' Bridgerton: nearly asked a servant to lie on her in need for her "garden" to be tended to

Here's some more events from Season 3 that is added on to Bridgerdums malfunctioning:

Benedict: insults someone again/talks without thinking; generally has no idea what's going on; shit's (ship's) going on right in front of his eyes and he has no idea (tbh this is everything that I expected from him and this is EVERYTHING (he's chilling); so obvious trying to escape the desper-taunt; sooooo obvious trying to chat it up with L.D./Aggie Danbury, my girl

Colin: where do I start...playing 'Where's Waldo' with his bff for half an episode; LYING LIAR WHO LIES, 17 cities...you went to 17 cities?! (i'm just shocked); perhaps we should go somewhere more private??? /rushes to apologize with full sentimental remarks (good); rushes to offer the help as previously mentioned; kisses his best friend to help her out it's only fair; "OF COURSE!"...back on the hunt for pretty bff; *ooh watching bff eat a pastry, malfunction ahh* -> buys the pastry; the entirrreee hot air balloon scene (he waits, he rushes...he's definitely a fight mode with mental gymnastics flight in the lead up); can't speak in the middle of a ball; downbadism yellow sheet drop; crashes a proposal, cuts in the dance, literally so obvious, *angry* "perhaps that is for the best"; chases down a carriage ON FOOT; the (in)FAMOUS carriage; chaotic proposal

Eloise: she hates socializing with men and she's gonna shout it; cracking jokes with The Plastics; oops loud queen...let the cat out of the bag; /forever the accuser (now w/Cressida, former queen of The Plastics); she HATES society, guys, I don't think you understand; "MY BROTHER?!???" x2 (3x04 deleted scene + 3x05 tick tock Lady Featheringdown)

Francesca: the most sane, but living up to her name; dun dun dun piano; introvert escape room expert; finds a man without talking to him; rushes out of the new boyfriend hang to play her piano

Gregory: fell and broke his arm being nosy AND faaaaaailedddd; dummy was just fascinated by a balloon

Hyacinth: she's gonna be trouble, we just know, ok/always always always right

[redactedrem]

You know what? Fuck you. *Ponifies Batman*

Guys I'm so excited to share my newest project of ponifying the Batfam, it started out small with the hypothetical "I wonder what Batman would be like in a mlp universe." And then the project kept getting bigger and bigger.

If anyones interested in my world building/ headcanons surrounding this project, you can see it under the cut. (I didn't want to make the post too long.)

Incase anybody couldn't read my bad handwriting, I gotchuuu.

-(First pic) Bruce Wayne: Bruce had got his cutiemark the night of his parents death, after the grief had broken his spirit and he realized that he never wanted anypony else to feel the same pain as he does. (He has a fake cutiemark to cover up his obvious destiny)

- The first pic is pretty self explanatory, but I want to make it clear that Bruce's destiny isn't "My parents are dead so now I dress up as a bat and beat up mentally ill folk". Because I've seen people on here give hot takes on cutiemarks that directly link them to a ponies destiny.

This goes for specifically in the mlp fandom but (for the sake of being on topic) I'll use the the example of that one post where someone gave the hot take that Jason would get his cutiemark in the warehouse right before he dies (or after he dies? smthing like that) because "It would be really fucked up to know that you were always destined to die." And listen, I can appreciate some good Jason Todd whump as the next guy but knowing that this would be based in a mlp universe . . . just doesn't sit right with me.

It sounds less magical that way. Its like saying that Rainbow Dash was always meant to be the fastest flyer, so theres no point in trying to compete with her. So uhm, trying to stay on topic here. My personal hot take is that a pony's cutiemark is symbol of something that they do/ a skill or talent that they have that makes them happy. And whats a more magical and fulfilling destiny than doing something that makes you happy for the rest of your life?

Looping back to Bruce, he didn't get his cutiemark the moment his parents died, but I like to think that he got it sometime later on in the night. After hours of being checked on by the police, getting looked at by the paramedics, and after Alfred took him home. Its 1:40ish in the morning and tiny foal-Bruce is just staring at his bedroom wall feeling numb and dissociated to hell. And sometime after processing everything that night- he just decides that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to him and that he will do anything to make sure that nopony will ever feel the same pain that he has felt. And then-- Ta da!! Cutiemark!! Too bad neither he or Alfred got to experience the excitement when they both saw it the next day :')

(Edit: I didn't know where to put this detail, but Bruce's fake cutiemark is based off of the "Make It Wayne" TV logo from this fanfic here )

-(Second pic) The Bat: This is heavily inspired by Flutterbat, I know theres canonically already a race of bat ponies made from Lunas stunt as Nightmare Moon. But I chose to go through with the Flutterbat route because batponies are a race, and have bat-like features 24/7. In comparison Fluttershy maintains her pegasus appearance by day and transforms into Flutterbat at night (ALSO with there being implications that there are "Triggers" for her transformations in the day too!!) Which adds the "Vampire." right in front of her batpony title.

I might do a lil comparison chart between vampire batponies and regular batponies in the future or something. But for now I'm focusing on my batpony Bruce Wayne headcanons so yea. My point is that I felt like making Bruce a "vampire" batpony would give him a more solid secret identity with also the bonus of a really metal origin story.

Now we all know that the canonical origin story of batman is that a few months after the tragedy of his parents death, Bruce had fallen into a cave? a well? a pit? of bats and triggered a fear of bats since then. Later on he decides to become Batman so he can invoke the fear of bats he once had into the criminals of Gotham. Yadda yadda yadda.

Now canonically, we don't know the exact science on how Fluttershy turned into Flutterbat. What we do know is that at the time, pony magic is not researched enough for Twilight to be aware that Fluttershys "Stare" is her own form of pony magic and that it would interfere with Twilights spell.

Do you see where I'm getting at here? Uhmm don't ask me what exactly happened in the cave, I'm doing this for fun and thinking about it too hard makes me spiral. But uhmm something something- Bruce looked at a bat in the eye and decided to embrace his biggest fear to fuel his cause, and his already traumatized and fucked up pony magic had transformed his body- something something. (Edit: I didn't think about this until now but maybe Fluttershys "Stare" and Bruces "Bat Glare" could be a usage of the same form of magic? Just a thought)

I'll probably come up with a more suitable explanation in the future, but like I said. All of this is just for fun.

[morhido]

I've been lost in the owl house sauce for about three years and as a result i've mentally compiled a list of the characters' speech patterns and body language. Then i realised i should probably do something with that information and decided to jot it all down :>>

This is just gonna be the hexsquad for now since my lists for other characters are fairly sparse but additions/requests are welcome! Mayhaps i'll add to it in the future sjdkshskj

(The 'other' category is for general quirks, or things that just didn't fit the other categories)

LUZ:

• Happy/excited: stamps feet with high knees, squeaks/makes high pitched sounds, makes fists and brings them to her chest/face

• Sad: will initially deny if she's upset, whether she fesses up is up to circumstance. Lowers her head, can become unresponsive, becomes tired, voice will generally remain quiet and flat even if something cheers her up, empathetic crier

• Stressed/overwhelmed: repeats phrases over ("no no no, you're belos, you're just belos!"), falls to her knees or puts on hood when overwhelmed, acts overly casual to compensate for her panicking ("yikes, my dude"), protective of others when in physical danger (usually holds amity's head). More comedically, can often make unnecessary/dramatic gestures (e.g. spinning, cartwheeling, flopping to the floor) when stressed

• Angry: gets louder, sometimes unwilling to hear the other person out, becomes very physical, loses volume control (often to her own detriment), sticks her elbows out to look more intimidating. More comedically, will sometimes make animal noises/gestures (e.g. hissing and clawing)

• Other: often prematurely assumes that people will react poorly to her ("she's gonna embarrass herself, i can't watch!" / "if amity sees this, she'll think i'm such a loser!" / "what if the palisman doesn't like me?"), can accidentally be inconsiderate of other people in favour of her impulse, resorts to violence quickly and generally doesn't try to make peace with adults, very easily becomes rambly with strong emotion and can repeat words and phrases, can become loud and panicky during combat if her goal is self-preservation but becomes much more focused if fighting with/protecting other people

WILLOW:

• Happy/excited: becomes very active and touchy, very straightforward, taps toes, will be oblivious if others are intimidated by her, voice pitches up when excited

• Sad: draws herself in, becomes quiet, looks down/closes her eyes, isolates herself, can become less responsive, talks to herself

• Stressed/overwhelmed: loses control of magic, covers hair, voice pitches up when extremely nervous, very rarely acts on impulse even when scared, high-pitched squeaks/screams when startled

• Angry: vines grow from the ground beneath her, shows vocal disdain for whatever is upsetting her, can become very sardonic ("you want me to give up? You want me to admit how stressed i am?"), can go from high and stern when upset ("you just met them, give them a chance!") to low and loud when fully angry ("what advice could you POSSIBLY give me??")

• Other: denial is default coping mechanism, very often does the gag of pretending to be intimidating and then doing something sweet/cute, will be oblivious to the other person's fear when this happens, love language is physical touch, makes her feelings known unless she's specifically not trying to upset people, can speak pretty formally ("enchanting!", "how dare you?"), talks to herself in second person when hyping herself up, takes offensive role in combat

AMITY:

• Happy/excited: voice can get louder, smiles with teeth when extremely excited, becomes more impulsive with what she says and does

• Sad: raises voice when trying to make a point, voice cracks, becomes quieter with remorse, remains very quiet and calm when comforting/confiding in someone else

• Stressed/overwhelmed: s1 amity would get extremely defensive if any vulnerability was exposed ("help? All you're doing is prying into your friends' lives!"), rambles when flustered, holds hem of skirt when she's nervous/doesn't know what to do, also generally moves hands a lot when nervous, attempts to leave situations that are upsetting her, high-pitched screams when startled (does this less throughout the series as she becomes more on-guard and impulsive)

• Angry: often gets louder and more animated (e.g. her trying to break out of the dome in clouds on the horizon), face turns red, pushes away the source of her anger, doesn't usually stay angry for long, moves her body forward (e.g. pointing, gesturing, or actually stepping forwards), will often stick her arms straight at her sides

• Other: generally uncomfortable leaving her comfort zone but extremely confident in fields that she already excels in, extremely accepting of change in other people, arguably the second most impulsive of the hexsquad (especially regarding luz's safety) and uses fire to solve a lot of her problems, will take control of a situation when she knows she's in the right ("you're gonna listen to me for once"), usually very perceptive to others' emotions

GUS:

• Happy/excited: draws fists up to face, big gestures (especially with hands/arms)

• Sad: self-blames/depricates ("yeah. It's all my fault"), curls up with his arms and head on his knees, usually very vocal about being upset with something, "you've done it again, augustus" (in the context of being tricked by someone), can remain in this state for a long time, draws in on himself but doesn't push other people away

• Stressed/overwhelmed: loses control of magic (finds it difficult to discern reality from illusions), often hides behind willow when scared, laughs/smiles nervously when anxious or flustered, can get tunnel vision on the thing that's upsetting him

• Angry: stays level-headed and doesn't often raise his voice, speech becomes more emphatic, can become snarkier ("hey belos, remember me?"), remains distant from the subject of his anger, usually stays in a stance

• Other: very eager to prove himself whenever he has the opportunity (love language is acts of service), most willing to resort to violence ("nobody's dying" "not with that attitude", usually in a joking manner), most annoyed by his friends' shenanigans but always willing to tag along, makes big gestures (especially when emphasising something), sometimes repeats phrases when feeling strong emotions ("gus? Nickname? HUMAN nickname?? GUS???" / "wait × 6, is this really what you wanna be doing with your life?")

HUNTER:

• Happy/excited: extremely animated with his hands, voice gets louder, becomes very confident. Is very playful and arrogant when in golden guard mode and will usually try to show off or start relying on empty threats

• Sad: voice goes quiet and airy, voice cracks, can become raspier

• Stressed/overwhelmed: doesn't like to be touched when upset, is overwhelmed by affection and will often start crying, goes silent and dissociates when processing upsetting information, voice cracks, becomes extremely snappy and irritable from long-term stress, freezes under pressure, draws in on himself when panicking, goes silent when flustered

• Angry: becomes grumpy when things don't go his way, is extremely animated and expressive when actually angry, can become sardonic, raises voice, makes small movements (e.g. shaking leg or pacing small area). As golden guard, would try to physically intimidate the other person (e.g. looming over or walking towards them)

• Other: doesn't tend to self-blame and will either pass the fault onto someone else ("you got us trapped in the emperor's mind!"), or acknowledge when someone else was in the wrong ("you were tricked. That's what belos does, he tricks people"). Almost never initiates combat and plays a more defensive role, extremely theatrical/expressive and talkative (will have to actively restrain himself to not talk about something), squeaks a lot

[narryffdreaming]

A TOAST TO THE FUTURE — FOUR (II)

Summary: Aurora and Harry used to be friends, but life happened and they grew apart. Now, 6 years later, they meet again.

Rating: +18

WARNINGS: The story contains explicit language and mentions a past abusive relationship (mostly the consequences of psychological/emotional abuse). Some chapters also contain explicit sexual content.

PART FOUR: 21k words (I) - 11,2k words (II) - 9,8k words

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE || PART FOUR (I)

"Okay, I'm good," Aurora says, standing next to Megan and behind the couch. 

Ahead of them, all of their friends are already out there, near the water. Listening to music, drinking, and chit chatting while soaking under the Italian weather. 

"And thank you, by the way," she adds. "I'll owe you for the rest of my life."

Megan laughs and shakes her head, then turns to look at her. "Don't be silly, it was nothing."

It wasn't, though. 

Because when Aurora hesitated to leave the bedroom, Megan was quick to catch on her nervousness and stay behind with her. And she was also kind and sweet when asking if Aurora wanted to talk about it, or if there was anything she could do to help. 

Then, when Aurora shared that she was self-conscious about how she'll look in her clothes, Megan was also empathetic of her situation. She seemed to understand it isn't just about her body, but also about what all those clothes represent to her. Because Aurora doesn't feel the same as when she was in her twenties and started dating Zack, so she doesn't want to wear clothes that will make her feel like that old version of her. She wants to move forwards, not backwards. She wants to be better, not go back to being the same. 

So Megan stood behind and helped her feel more comfortable about herself, supporting her decision of wearing the colorful one-piece she'd bought instead of the bikini Maddie had packed for her, and then even offering her own linen shirt for Aurora to wear on top of it. Which, as it turns out, ended up being a great idea, and the last push she needed to feel that boost of confidence inside her. 

"You look incredible, by the way," Megan says.

Aurora looks down at her feet — her bare feet — and smiles. "Thanks."

And she means it. Because, truth be told, right now Aurora feels good about herself. Her legs are out and her boobs are definitely about to get some sun — as they deserve — but that doesn't mean she's half-naked. Her stomach is still covered, and her bum isn't completely out in the open. Besides, that shirt's making everything way more comfortable.

"Shall we?" Megan asks. 

"Yes." Aurora nods. "Let's go, c'mon." 

Megan leads the way, then, while Aurora follows her closely. 

Once they step outside, it's easy to say that it's the most breathtaking view Aurora's ever seen. Despite the coastline being at sight, it feels like they're completely by themselves, surrounded by nothing but water while facing the sun and the different shades of blue that blend in the horizon. 

Lucy, Ava and Maddie are sitting by the pool, while the boys stand by the swim platform — Theo and Niall facing the yacht, while Jayden, Daniel and Harry face the horizon. 

A shirtless Harry, though. 

A shirtless Harry facing the horizon, with his bare back fully exposed to her. 

And although Aurora tries her best to appear nonchalant and unaffected, it's hard not to feel her legs wobbling, or her mouth watering up. Because those black shorts he's wearing are really short, and there are so many muscles popping out that she wouldn't believe him if he said his body is built the same way as anyone else.

"Baby! Moonshine!" Niall cheers, raising his hands. "Finally!"

Everyone turns to look at them, and Aurora slows down slightly, almost hiding behind Megan. 

"Took you long enough," he adds, opening his arms for his girlfriend. 

Aurora watches as Megan smiles and rushes to him, hugging his waist while he holds her shoulders and kisses her temple. 

It's cute. 

They're cute. 

So Aurora smiles, too.

And then she just stands there.

Awkwardly. Not really knowing what to do with her legs. Or with her hands. Or with herself. 

She glances to one side, admiring the blue horizon, and to the other one, appreciating the coastline one more time. And then, she faces forward, and her eyes automatically land on Harry. Again. 

He's turned half-way towards her, drinking beer while glancing at her feet, then running his eyes up her legs, drifting from her knees, to her thighs, and her hips. She doesn't know if it's intentional, like before, but it doesn't seem so, because when he gets past her chest and neck, then finally meets her stare, he widens his eyes and chokes. 

He actually chokes — just like when they were in the car and she teased him about speaking Italian. Coughing and leaning forward while hitting his chest. 

And yet… It's not just like when they were in the car, is it? Because now the boys are quick to tease him and laugh at him. And because now Aurora feels the heat spreading through her cheeks, and the nervousness taking over her belly. And because now it doesn't feel like just a friendly joke, because apparently Harry got flustered for getting caught. And because he got caught checking her out. Checking her body out. 

So instead of acknowledging what happened, now Aurora pretends not to see it. And not to hear what's being said. And as she pretends everything is normal, she turns around and walks towards the girls. Knowing very damn well that, at the same time, there's a new feeling lingering inside her. Like a tingling. A feeling that's running through her veins, and that's making her anxious to see what could come next. Or where it could end. 

That tingling is growing. And it's getting serious.

Aurora can't explain it, or put it in words, but she feels it in her bones.

She's sitting on one of the steps leading to the swim platform, where everyone is just hanging around. 

Her lungs are full from ocean air, and the wind keeps whipping her hair, but it also makes the sun on her face feel less aggressive than it felt earlier in the afternoon.

Harry's sitting right in front of her, by the edge of the platform. Bending one leg at the knee and the other falling to the water while he hooks his arms around his thigh. His stunning smile seems to shine brighter than the sun, and once in a while she can see him slightly turning his head to look at her, or maybe just peeking through the corner of his eyes.

And as she talks to her friends by her side, or as she watches Lucy, Maddie, Ava, and Theo finally jump into the water, she knows she's been glancing at him non-stop, too. Because she can't help it. It's like someone casted a spell on her and she's now hypnotized.

The worst part is that Harry isn't even trying. He just keeps listening and nodding at whatever Daniel and Jayden are talking about, occasionally throwing his head back in laughter or being loud and goofy for apparently no reason. His dimples keep showing up as he speaks and smiles, and every time he laughs, his mouth falls open and his eyes wrinkle. 

The image of him being that happy is breathtaking, but the sound of his laughter astonishes her. It makes her heart beat faster, and to hope for him to sit next to her and give her all of his undivided attention. 

Earlier that day, Aurora fell asleep on his chest. Harry held her between his arms, and gently took care of her. She melted into him, more than once. She felt his fingers against her skin, and his lips on the top of her head. She remembered how tender and affectionate he could be, and she's still aware that everything she could think about when she woke up from her nap on the plane, was how cozy and warm she'd felt when cuddled by him.

However, hours later, Aurora finds herself watching him from a new perspective. One that doesn't take away what she already knows about him, but only adds more valuable information. It just makes him look even better in her eyes. 

And she knows she's never paid this much attention to Harry's body. Not like this, anyway. In all the years they spent together, she never observed him too much to actually know what anything besides his face looked like. Not only because the opportunity never came up, but also because she never thought about looking at him like that. So she has no idea if this is how he's always looked or not, but right then and there, Aurora is convinced Harry is bloody fucking hot. 

He is drinking beer, and everytime he takes the bottle to his mouth the muscles on his arm flex. He is also chewing gum, and the movements of his jaw are absorbing. The veins on his neck keep popping out, and his broad shoulders keep bringing up the memories of the many times she has hugged him and rested her chin on top of them. 

In all of those "many times", not even once it crossed through Aurora's mind the idea of hiding her face into his neck, breathing him in and kissing every inch of skin she could reach. But right then and there, it is all she can think about.

For the first time in too long, Aurora feels flushed. 

Actually flushed. 

And she has no idea what to do with that. Because it's becoming very clear to her that different parts of her body are suddenly awake, and that's all because of him. 

All because of Harry. 

Harry!

"Can I ask you something?" Megan asks, taking a seat next to her. 

Aurora jolts slightly, blinking as she shifts her eyes to her friend and nods. "Yeah, sure." 

Megan bends her legs and hugs her knees, turning her face towards Aurora and murmuring as she asks, "Is there something going on between you and Harry?"

Aurora widens her eyes. "What? I mean, why?"

"I don't know," Megan murmurs, making sure the conversation stays only between them. "I hear him and Niall on the phone sometimes, so I kinda figured something was up. But then today I saw the way you look at each other, and y'know, everyone's just been joking about it all day… So I thought… Y"know."

She shrugs.

Aurora bites the inside of her cheek and nods, taking the information in. She doesn't know how they look at each other, but she's aware that they've been doing it a lot. And she didn't actually hear what the boys said when they were teasing him, but she knows it happened. Just like she knows the girls were teasing her. So, yeah, she gets where she's coming from. 

And yet, there's one piece from that weird and unexpected puzzle that Aurora can't make sense of, so she asks, "He talks to Niall about me?" 

Megan smiles, and nods. "I mean, they're always talking about you… But… You didn't know that, right?"

Aurora shakes her head.

"Yeah, I should've figured… I mean, from what I heard and—Oh my God!" Megan widens her eyes and grabs Aurora's arm. "Rory, I don't usually go around telling people's secrets, ok? Especially Niall's. I'd never do that. I swear."

Aurora chuckles, stretching her legs and crossing one ankle over the other. She takes the opportunity to glance at Harry, who still seems pretty entertained with whatever Daniel is saying to him.

"Don't worry about it," she says, looking back at Megan. "What do they talk about, tho? I mean, what is there to talk about me?

Megan withdraws her hand and places it back on her lap, then peeks at Harry and curves her lips into a smile.

"I find it very sweet, actually," she says quietly and softly, then looks back at Aurora. "He always asks Niall if he heard anything from you, or how you are, and how's Noah… Those kinds of things. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but… I don't know. I don't really know you guys that well, but Harry seems to really care about you, and from what I've heard today, you deserve to get over your ex, so… I don't know… I guess I thought you should know… Because… Yeah… I don't know why."

They both laugh, and Aurora nods at her.

"Thanks for letting me know. I'm really confused about the whole thing, but thanks anyway."

"Do you want something to happen? Like, have you ever thought about it?"

"What? Me and Harry?" Aurora practically mouths. And when Megan rolls her eyes, she laughs and shakes her head. "God, no… Never. I mean… I haven't thought about anyone since Zack, to be honest."

"Hmm." Megan nods. "But you're single now, and Zack isn't in the picture anymore, right?"

"Right."

"Wouldn't it be nice if something happened between you and Harry, then?"

Yes.

Aurora shrugs. "I… I don't know. I feel very weird about it."

"Why?"

Exactly, why?

Why would it be weird? 

If everything around him feels so natural and effortless… Why would it be weird?

Aurora chuckles and groans, looking at her feet and shaking her head. When she speaks again, she lowers her voice as much as she can. "I just saw him again, Meg. Literally. Like, after years without seeing or even talking to each other, y'know? So it's just… Weird."

"Do you find him attractive?"

Fuck yes.

Aurora rolls her eyes, and shrugs. 

"Oh my God, you totally do!" Megan claps her hands together, giggling before tapping her fingers on her knees. "You find him attractive and you're shy to admit it!"

"Shhhhh," Aurora whispers, clenching her teeth and widening her eyes.

"Sorry, sorry." Megan giggles. "I just love this!"

The way Megan radiates joyness at the whole thing makes Aurora chuckle, and she shakes her head, then scratches the tip of her nose.

"I think you should go for it," Megan adds.

Maybe…

But no.

Mostly because Aurora doesn't know how to do that anymore. There used to be a time when she had fun flirting with guys, and when she didn't doubt her instincts. Now, though? Now it's like she doesn't even have instincts anymore. It's like her mind isn't telling her what to do anymore. Or her body isn't reacting by itself anymore.

Besides, they've just seen each other. After six years. 

Aurora reaches for her necklace, then. "Wouldn't it be too fast, tho?" 

"I don't know…" Megan shrugs. "I'm hardly one to talk, tho. I met Niall at a bar on a Friday night, went back to his place and didn't leave until Sunday morning, so…" She shrugs again. "We clicked, and that was it. Was it fast with your ex-husband, too?"

Aurora snorts. "No, not at all. We were co-workers first, and we were friends for months before Zack asked me out on a date. It also took him months to officially ask me to be his girlfriend."

"Mhmm…" Megan nods, half-smiling while glancing at Harry, then back at her. "So… You took your time getting to know each other, and yet you still divorced him."

Aurora scoffs, then narrows her eyes. "Yeah, okay. I see where you're getting at." 

Megan shrugs and beams at her. "Yep. I'm getting at the fact that maybe it's not about time, it's about the person."

She looks so proud of herself for coming up with that conclusion, that Aurora ends up laughing. And maybe her laughter is a little bit louder than it should be, because it seems to get Harry's attention. She notices it when he turns his head and looks at her, and when she really needs to hold herself from looking back at him. 

"God," she breathes out, looking down at her thighs and grabbing her necklace between her fingers. "I feel like this is too much information… Like, my head can't get around this. We literally just saw each other. This morning. After six years." 

Aurora laughs, and the incredulous tone gives away the nervousness behind her thoughts. And behind her feelings.

"Like I said, I think you should go for it. He's totally into you… I mean, there's absolutely no way he isn't."

That's the thing, though… Absolutely no way? Really? What if they're wrong?

"Right… Well… I don't know." Aurora sighs. "I need some time to process this."

"Okay, yeah. So let's stop talking about it. Let's just… Y'know… Enjoy the view… The sun, the water… Also," — Megan leans in, and hides her mouth from any potential pryers —  "you should think about it while you stare at those tattoos. And those mind-blowing abs."

Aurora laughs loudly again, mostly at the fact that Megan is suddenly comfortable enough to joke like that around her. 

"I mean," Megan adds. "If Niall asks, I find them ridiculous, ok? Not my type. Ew. But… Y'know… I truly, truly hope you get to enjoy… That."

"Y'know," Ava says, standing near the couch and placing her hands on her hips. "Those colors look really nice on you." 

Aurora stops walking and looks down at her body, meanwhile taking a sip from her piña colada. Her breasts are right there, popping out at her, Megan's shirt long forgotten after she decided to spend a few minutes in the pool with Lucy. And she had missed showing them off. They used to be her favorite part of her body. 

"You think so?" she asks. 

"Totally!" 

Aurora giggles. She walks down the steps to the outdoor lounge, smiling while getting closer to her friend.

"Where did you get it?" Ava asks. 

Aurora takes another sip of her drink and closes her eyes. Tasting the pineapple, coconut, and rum inside her mouth. 

"God, this is delicious…" She opens her eyes and glances back at Ava, then giggles. "Sorry… Hmm… It's actually Mara Hoffman, I got it on sale."

"Wow!" Ava smirks. "I love fancy Rory! It's perfect for the occasion."

"Shut up." Aurora laughs, waving her off. "It was the first thing I bought after I signed the divorce papers." She shrugs. "Felt kinda liberating."

"Ohhh, let's toast to that, then!" Ava runs closer to Aurora, raising the hand holding her drink.

They giggle while clicking their glasses together, each taking a one-long sip right after.

"Wait, no!" Ava cries. "We skipped the speech!" 

"We don't need a speech." 

"Yes, we do! Every toast needs a speech," Ava says, but proceeds to take another sip of her drink anyway. 

"Okay, lemme hear it, then."

"Okay, so," Ava says, and rolls her shoulders.

Aurora takes another sip, enjoying her drink while she listens to the unnecessary speech. 

"Here we go." Ava clears her throat, and raises her glass. "To our newly divorced, incredible, breathtaking, hot, sexy mama, who's—"

Aurora chokes, spitting half of her drink out of her mouth before she can even try to cover it up. Part of it goes down Aurora's chin, and the rest directly to Ava's chest and belly. 

There is a short silent pause, then loud laughter takes over the two of them. 

"Oh my God!" Aurora yells, whipping her chin with the back of her hand. She hunches down, laughing and putting one hand over her stomach.

"Moonshine!" Niall shouts from where he is sitting, next to the pool. "Are you drunk without me?!"

"'M not drunk!" Aurora shouts back, still laughing at the way the drink sneaked out between her lips. "Ava is just… Oh my God… She's just being stupid!"

Ava gasps, then shoves Aurora's shoulder. "Hey! I'm not stupid! What did I do?"

Aurora's still laughing, but she lowers her voice to make sure nobody listens when she explains, "You called me sexy mama." 

"Ohhh! Well that's just 'cause I think you are a sexy mamma!" Ava finishes her drink, glancing over Aurora's shoulder before smirking and looking back at her. "Besides, I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who thinks that."

Aurora sips her drink, and narrows her eyes. "What?"

Ava puts her empty glass on the table, then turns her back to the water, forcing Aurora to turn around too, standing in front of her and facing the opposite side. "Harry won't stop looking at you."

Aurora rolls her eyes. "That's not true."

It is, though. She knows that.

"Yes, it is. C'mon, it's so obvious… He doesn't even try to hide it anymore." 

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mhmm… Okay then." She wiggles her eyebrows and leans closer to her. "Auriiii."

Aurora purses her lips, doing her best to keep a straight face. It only lasts three seconds before laughter comes out of her chest, though, and she shakes her head. "Shut up…"

"Ah!" Ava squeals. "See?! You know!"

"Stop…" she practically cries, raising her arms and hiding behind her hand — and her drink. "I feel so silly about this!"

"No! Why? Rory, oh my God. It's so sweet. Really. I'd truly love that for you. He's such a great guy."

Aurora puts her hands down from her face, then shakes her head. 

"I don't think it's the right time to be thinking about this."

Ava snaps her eyebrows together. "Why not?"

"I just got divorced and—"

"Na-na-na!" Ava shakes her head, waving her hands in front of Aurora's face. "Don't give me that bullshit again. It's been months now, Rory! C'monnn… How long since you've had sex? Huh?"

Aurora shrugs. "I don't know."

Ava rolls her eyes. 

"Yeah, right," she snorts. "Of course you know. Just tell me, c'mon."

Aurora takes a sip of her drink, shuffling on her feet while gathering enough courage to speak. 

"I mean… We ended things over a year ago, and before that it had already been a while, so…"

"So…" Ava smiles, wiggling her eyebrows again. "It's time to get laid." 

Aurora snorts. "No it's not."

"Yes it is. You deserve to get laid."

"Stop."

"Roryyy…"

Aurora chuckles, shaking her head. "Why are you so excited about this, anyway?"

"Because you deserve to feel good, Rory," Ava says. "And because you deserve someone who'll care about making you feel good."

Aurora raises her left eyebrow. "And you think Harry's that person?" 

Ava nods. "I know for a fact he is."

"How—"

"Look, don't think too much about this, okay? Just enjoy it."

Aurora sighs, rubbing her forehead and shaking her head. 

"Don't you think it's nice?" Ava asks, then, placing one hand on her shoulder. "That excitement of meeting someone? That tension before something happens?"

Aurora looks over Ava's shoulder, seeing Harry climb back to the yacht. 

He is soaked. His entire body is dripping water, his shorts are heavy and stuck against his skin, and there are no traces of his curls as his hair is pulled back.

She knows that the excitement Harry makes her feel is, in fact, "nice". He makes her feel safe, he makes her laugh, and he makes it seem easy. However, the problem right now isn't him, or what he's making her feel, but how she's reacting to all that. 

So inexperienced and… Childish. Shy. Unsure of herself. 

And she hates that. So much! Because it's not who she wants to be. It's not who she used to be.

Then once again, Harry turns his head to where she is, and locks eyes with her. He pulls his hair back and blinks, then tilts his head slightly and frowns. Almost as if he's asking if she's okay, or what's going on. 

"Are you looking at him right now?" Ava asks. 

Aurora doesn't stop staring at him, but she still nods, then takes the last sip of her piña colada. "Mhm."

"God." Ava snorts. "I swear to God Aurora, it's written all over your face. It's written all over both of your faces. So if you don't go for it… I don't know. I think I'll just kill you both." 

Aurora snorts. Then laughs. 

And Harry smiles. 

And Aurora's belly buzzes. And her body tingles. 

And then she shakes her head and looks down, eying the empty glass in her hand. 

"Okay. I think I need another drink now." 

Aurora puts her empty glass on the table and gets up from the couch, finally — finally — walking back to the swim platform.

Niall, Jayden and Megan are standing near each other, having a loud and enthusiastic conversation about something she doesn't understand. Nor cares about. But she stands close to them anyway, listening and waiting for Harry to come back from wherever he went to just minutes ago. 

Megan's sharing a story about her job and softwares, or something along those lines, when Aurora hears the sound of feet against the wooden deck, and then some coughing. 

Her heartbeat picks up inside her chest, and a fuzzy rush of anticipation takes over her body. Knowing exactly who it is. And knowing she's been waiting for that. That she's been thinking about that. About being around him again, about getting closer to him again. About talking to him again. 

So she bites her lip, and waits. Waits for him to finally stand by her side, or maybe just walk past her and stop right across from where she is. Where he's going to be able to look at her face. 

So she waits, and waits. 

And yet she never sees him.  

Instead, she feels him hunching behind her, and then the way he sneaks his hands under her elbows. "What—"

"Hey Auri," he murmurs, curling his arms around her waist and pushing her back against his bare chest.

"Wait—What are you—"

He tightens his hold around her belly, then lifts her feet from the ground. 

"Oh my God…"

She puts her hands on top of his forearms, and Harry steps forward. 

"Harry!" Aurora shouts, and laughs, kicking her legs as he walks towards the edge of the platform. "No, no, no… Stop! Harry! Stop! Oh my—"

Harry jumps, though, and Aurora gasps as he takes her along with him.

She closes her eyes and presses her lips together, holding her breath and scrunching up her face right before the cold water hits her feet and then her entire body. 

Sounds die down as they sink into the Mediterranean Ocean, heaviness pushing them towards the distant bottom and causing Harry's arms to loosen up around her waist. 

He never lets go of her, though. If anything, he reacts by squeezing her even tighter, pulling them back up with the same confidence and strength he just dropped them. 

It only takes a second for Aurora's instincts to kick in as well, forcing her to move her arms and legs in an attempt to reach the surface. 

The fresh air quickly hits her face, and Aurora gasps for air, deeply and loudly. And then she coughs. And coughs. And coughs again. 

Harry's head comes up from under the water right behind her, and she turns around. 

"Harry!" She laughs, and coughs, kicking her legs to keep her body floating and taking her hair out of her face. 

"Hiii." Harry smiles, moving his arms and legs to stay afloat, too. 

"Hi? Hi?!" The smile stays on her face while she splashes him with water, and he jerks away with laughter. "You're such an idiot!" 

He laughs and shakes his head, curls following his movement and making it rain all around him.  

"I know. Just look at the things I gotta do to get your attention, huh?" 

Cold, saline water washes over her face and drops through her lashes, and Aurora takes one hand to wipe her eyes off. 

"Or maybe you could've just talked to me." 

He swims closer, as close as he can get while they're both kicking their legs to avoid submerging again. 

"Guess I could… But what's the fun in that?" 

She gasps, and splashes more water on him. "What's the fun in talking to me?!"

"Wha—No!" Harry laughs louder, jerking his face away and splashing her back. "Shit. That's not what I meant."

Aurora laughs, too. 

"Mhmmmm, but it is what you said." 

"Ohhh, c'mere jellybean." Harry reaches for her, pulling her arm first, then grabbing her waist and turning her around. 

Aurora squeals, and laughs, and when he presses her back against his chest, she feels herself wavering in the blue ocean. Floating with unsteady movements. And just this close to sinking again. So she holds onto his forearm tightly, tilting her chin up to keep her mouth out of the water. 

"Harry," she cries with laughter, automatically searching for his shoulder with the back of her head. "C'monnn."

"What?" he murmurs, holding half of her weight with one arm while moving the other and kicking his legs.

"My legs are getting tired," she murmurs as well. Feeling the way his body is moving behind her. Too fast for her to actually feel him, but too firm for her not to notice it. 

"Mine aren't," he says, surely of himself. "I've got you, yeah? Just look at the—" 

"Oi!" Niall shouts. "Lovebirds!" 

Harry whirls towards the yacht, pulling Aurora along with him. 

She gasps from the sudden movement, her legs getting tangled with his as they both keep working to stay afloat. 

"This is for you!" Niall adds. 

Aurora faces forward, only now aware that they've drifted to the side of the yacht and that their friends aren't on sight anymore. Niall is there, though, holding a beer while Theo throws something large and orange to the water.

It falls right under the swim platform, and Theo points at it. 

"Take this!" He shouts. "Don't want anyone drowning at my engagement party."

"Thanks!" Harry shouts back, and both Theo and Niall give him a thumbs up before walking away. 

Aurora blinks. Trying to process all the information. 

"Can you swim there? Or want me to get it?"

"Uhm… I guess… I can swim?"

Harry chuckles. "You don't sound very sure." 

"Sorry, I'm just… Confused, I think. Let's go tho, my thighs are burning." 

"Ok, c'mon. I'm right behind ya if you need me." 

He lets go of her waist, and Aurora takes a deep breath in, diving into the water and kicking her legs to swim towards whatever that orange thing is. 

It's not far away, but it takes some effort from someone who doesn't frequently swim. When she finally reaches it, and realizes it seems to be a floating mat, Harry's hands are already on her waist, smoothly helping her climb on it before he does the same. 

She crawls on the orange thick mat, exhaling what to others might sound like a heavy and annoyed grunt, but inside her it just feels like she's pushing all the exhaustion out of her body. 

There's enough room to fit at least five people on that mat, so she pushes herself a little bit further, trying to reach a place that at least feels like the middle. Once she's there, she turns around and sits on her bum, then drops her weight back. 

"Oh my God," Aurora drags out of her mouth, laying on her back and facing the darkening sky while her thighs prickle with soreness. She closes her eyes and places her hands on her belly, trying to catch up her breath. "That was just… Wow… Like a whole… Y'know… Like a whole workout for me..." 

Harry chuckles, dropping his back right next to her. Close enough that Aurora can feel the hair on his arm brushing her own.

"It was good tho," he murmurs, turning his head to look at her. "Wasn't it?" 

His gaze heats up her face, and Aurora blinks, then turns her head and looks at him, too.

Despite the steadiness of his stare, there's some insecurity on his face. Maybe it's the way he furrows his brows, or the way he seems to be biting the skin inside his cheek. Or maybe the way he so intensely waits for her to answer his simple question. 

And yes, Aurora's arms are tired. And yes, Aurora didn't plan to get into the water today. And yes, her legs are sore. And yes she's still out of breath and her heart is thumping heavily. 

But she can't deny how refreshing and invigorating the whole thing felt. Or how she would do it all over again if she could. Or how much she appreciates his spontaneity. And his boldness. Or how happy he makes her.

So she nods, and murmurs back to him, "Yeah… It was."

"Ok," he whispers, taking one hand to rub water out of his eye before settling into her stare again. "Good."

And just like that, it's like once again she's stuck inside a green spell, because she can't pull away from him. 

Drops of water cover his face, his tanned skin glistens under what's left of the sun, and his hair is all over the place. He's breathing in and out heavily, just like her, and she can see through the corner of her eyes the way his chest moves up and down. 

It's tempting, to be honest. And the idea to look down even crosses her mind, but there's one particular curl falling onto his forehead that truly gets her attention. That feels more important right now. So Aurora raises her hand, not even trying to resist the instant urge to touch him as she reaches for his face and pulls it away for him. 

Harry curls his lips into a smile and closes his eyes, and Aurora's heart skips a beat. 

She turns on her side, then, bending her other arm by the elbow and resting on it while she runs her fingers even further through his head. Gently combing his wet hair around his ear, moving up near his temple, and then to the top of his forehead. Curling her legs and making herself comfortable. Losing herself in time as seconds — and maybe even minutes — go by. As the sun sets around them and the sky changes its colors. 

Everything's naturally quiet around them. The mat waves them softly, following the motion of the sea, and although the weather is keeping her warm, a soft breeze from the late hour runs through her body. Making her shiver, and spreading goosebumps all over her skin.

She pulls away, then, but Harry is quick to raise his own hand and grab her wrist, slowing her down. With his eyes still closed, he guides her touch and drives her to slide her palm across his cheek and towards his mouth. And she lets him, biting her lip and watching him in awe. Allowing him to move her as he pleases. Feeling the brush of his facial hair, and also the contrasting combination from the cold water and his blazing skin. 

He only stops when the center of her palm meets his lips, and then he presses a long and wet kiss to it. And another one. 

Aurora sighs, and drops the weight of her hand, spreading it open and placing her thumb on his nose while she strokes her other four fingers up and down his cheek. 

It only lasts a moment, and then Harry finally turns on his side, too, mimicking her position and using one arm as a pillow as he keeps holding her wrist with his other hand. 

"Don't stop," he murmurs.

And Aurora doesn't. She brushes his cheek, gently and steadily. 

Harry breathes out, hotly and heavily into her palm, then draws gentle circles on her wrist with his thumb. Lastly, he folds his legs, and his knees bump into her. And before she knows it, he's tangling their feet together and covering her coldness with his warmth. 

That's when he finally opens his eyes, going straight to her gaze.

"Is this ok?" he murmurs. 

Aurora's heart thuds densely, her chest moves up and down heavily, and her stomach feels like twisting and swirling. 

"Yes," she answers, not giving herself any time to overthink it as she pulls her wrist out of his hold and moves her hand along his jaw. 

Harry smiles, then drops his hand between them. "Promise? Because I can pull away if you want. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

She bites the insides of her bottom lip, watching him carefully before she finds the words to speak. Focusing on how she's pretty sure she's never been so close to him. Not like this, at least. Being able to point out the smallest details on his face. Or to catch the different shades in his irises. Or even to count the hairs across his jaw. 

She doesn't really know what's happening. She doesn't really know how they got there. She doesn't really know how they went from accidentally bumping into each other at the airport, to floating in the middle of the sea and being so focused on each other that they completely ignore the beautiful sight of the sun setting right in front of them. 

But she knows she doesn't want him to pull away. And she knows he's the furthest from making her feel uncomfortable. And she knows she wants to see where that whole interaction is going to take them. 

Saying that to him doesn't feel enough, though. Like it doesn't represent how much he's meaning to her right now and there. 

So instead, she offers, "You made today a lot easier for me. Y'know that, right?" 

There's a flicker of shock in his eyes, she sees it when he widens them slightly and then blinks rapidly. And she feels it when his voice falters. "I did?"

"Mhm." She nods, then drops her hand on the mat. Right next to his. "I'm just… I'm really happy we met at the airport. And that you're here now. It wouldn't've been the same without you." 

Harry stares blankly at her, and then he swallows. It's clear that he doesn't know what to say, and that he wasn't expecting to hear that. 

And to be honest Aurora doesn't know what to say, either. Not beyond what she's already shared, anyway. 

So she waits, and waits. 

Until Harry closes his eyes and sighs, and then he tilts his face to hide in his own arm and chuckles. 

"Jesus," he groans, unable to hide the grin from his face. And when he looks at her, there's nothing but joy, softness and affection surrounding him. "Can't believe how good that felt."

Aurora's belly flutters, and even though she's still out of words, she feels her lips curving into a smile, too. 

Harry clears his throat, then, and whilst he doesn't lift his arm from the mat, he spreads his hand open and shifts it even closer. Enough for him to stretch his pinky finger and softly brush it against hers. 

Aurora holds her breath, and drifts her eyes over his face. 

"I think about this a lot, y'know?" he says, changing his tone into a lower and softer one. "About you."

Oh God. 

"And these past years weren't the same without you, either," he adds, never pausing the touching path of his finger. "So yeah… I'm really happy we bumped into each other today. I'm happy that we're here now."

Her heartbeat echoes from her chest to her head, and then vibrates to all over her body. Making it impossible for her to find something — anything — inside her brain to say back to him. 

So she shuffles a little, lifting her head and taking her hand to her face just to scratch her nose and bring herself back down to earth. And then she lays on top of her arm again, dropping her other hand next to his and moving back into his eyes. 

Once she's settled, she admits, "I don't know what to say." 

He smiles and shrugs, opening and closing his hand into a fist. "It's ok… Will you let me know if I ever cross a line with you, tho? Or if I make you uncomfortable?"

"I don't think you need to worry about that."

His fingers seem to twitch next to her hand, as if he can't keep them still, and yet he keeps forcing himself to.

"I do, tho," he says, and the way he smiles doesn't reach his eyes anymore. "Will you let me know?"

"Of course."

"Promise?"

"Promise." 

"Ok."

Aurora furrows her brows. She doesn't like that. She doesn't want him to be afraid of making her uncomfortable, because she doesn't want him holding himself back. So whatever made him suddenly doubt himself, she wants to change it. She wants to take it back. 

And yet, she doesn't know how to, because she doesn't know what it was. And she doesn't really know how to ask him. Or how to bring it up. 

To be fair, she doesn't even want to talk about it. She's done talking. What she wants and needs right now, it's different. 

It's inevitable, then, to fully glance at him. At the few droplets still covering his tanned and inked skin. His body hair. His necklaces hanging from his chest into the mat. His defined muscles, and also the rolls on his tummy resulting from the position he's in. His still wet swimming shorts. His thighs. His knees, still touching hers. His feet, still tangled with hers. 

He feels like a magnet, pulling her in even though she doesn't intend to move. Even if she knows she shouldn't move. It's like he ignites something inside her. Similarly to when he bought her that caramel coffee and memories from the past crashed against her. Making her stumble, and lose her feet, and fall apart in front of him.

However, this time she doesn't feel like breaking down. She doesn't feel like she's about to cry or embarrass herself. Because the emotions he's bringing out on her aren't bad, nor something to be ashamed of. He's taking her back to a time when, given the exact same circumstance, she wouldn't have thought twice before making a move on him. 

That's probably why she ends up moving her hand to his chest and drawing his collarbone with her fingertips. Or why she picks the tag from his chest and fidgets with it, waiting for something else to happen. Waiting for him to do something next. Waiting for a sign. Something. Anything.

"It's getting dark," Harry murmurs, then clears his throat. "Wanna go back inside?" 

Fuck no. If after everything that happened during the day she just goes back inside with even more questions and less answers than before, she's pretty sure she's going to combust. She'd rather know she's been wrong and misinterpreting things all along, then to go to bed wondering about it.

"Do we have to go?"

"Only if you want to." 

"I don't."

Harry curls one side of his mouth up, offering her half a smile, and nods. 

"Ok then."

She fidgets with the tag between her fingertips, conscious of how darkness is quickly engulfing them. And that they're still laying on a floating mat, by the yacht, in the middle of Italian seawater. 

That being said, it only takes another second for tiny white lights to turn on right above them and all around the yacht. Brightening up not only their faces, but also all the water surrounding them. 

Aurora narrows her eyes and blinks, then glances up at the empty swim platform. "How long do you think it'll take for them to come looking for us?" 

"They won't." 

She furrows her brows, then purses her lips to hold back a smile and looks at him. "You sound really sure of yourself."

He smiles wider, then. "'Cause I am. Unless something bad happens up there or we have to anchor somewhere else, they won't come here." 

"Hm. And how do you know that?" 

"'Cause I do." 

"Harry." She rolls her eyes and chuckles. Desperate for him to give her something — anything — that will give her the confirmation she needs to move forward. "C'mon." 

He chuckles softly, too, then shrugs. "Because they don't want to interrupt, that's all."

"Interrupt what?" 

"Us." 

"Us?" 

"Mhm."

Aurora's heart comes back to life, then. 

She holds her breath, and drags her eyes down to his lips, then to his chin. And then back to his eyes. 

She shuffles closer, but it's so discreet and barely that she isn't even sure he'll notice. And she wants him to notice. So she moves her foot up and down. Stroking his ankle, and his shin. Up and down. Again. And again. 

Harry closes his eyes and breathes out heavily, and the hot air that comes through his nose hits her face warmly and impatiently. 

"What's there to interrupt, tho?" Aurora murmurs, letting go of his necklace and dropping her hand next to his. 

He blinks, staring back at her before he murmurs back, "I don't know."

Aurora mimics his previous move, stretching her pinky and brushing it against his. 

Harry responds by lifting his own finger and hooking it around hers. Holding her tightly and stopping her movements. 

"Whatever you want," he adds.

"What about what you want?" 

Harry smirks. Or smiles. Or maybe it's just a mix between both. "What about it?"

"I don't know."

Harry chuckles. 

Fuck that's getting so confusing. 

"Do you know what I want?" he asks.

Aurora shakes her head, then brushes her foot up and down again.

"Do you know what you want?" he tries again, albeit differently. 

And this time, Aurora nods. 

"And what's that?"

"That you stop confusing me and leading me on."

Harry widens his eyes, then blinks once. And twice.

"And… I also want you to finally make a move," she adds. "Like, an actual move. Something. Anything. I don't know." 

There's a beat of silence.

And another one.

And another one.

And then, Harry cackles. 

He just turns around and bursts out laughing. Loudly and openly. Laying on his back and covering his face with both hands while laughter and more laughter breaks out from his chest. 

Aurora frowns, and suddenly there are just so many things happening inside her. And they are all just happening at the same time. And it's just so much and so intense, that she isn't even sure what she's feeling anymore. What she knows, though, it's that she doesn't like that. And that it isn't fun or amusing anymore. 

"Okay," Aurora says, sitting and then kneeling on the mat. Trying to balance herself while clenching her teeth. "Forget what I said." 

She shuffles and turns around carefully, feeling the water under the mat but also desperate to see the yacht. Desperate to get out of there. 

Harry is still laughing, beaming, when he pulls his hands from his face and looks at her. 

"Oh for fucks sake just c'mere," he says, grabbing her arm and yanking her on top of him. 

Aurora yelps, but doesn't fight him. And as she falls down, Harry takes his free hand to her face and cradles her cheek, then hunches forward and smashes their mouths together. Aurora whines from pure shock, feeling herself flopping into his chest until Harry spins them around and he's halfway on top of her.

He pulls away, then, slotting one leg between hers while holding his upper body on one arm. 

"You're so impatient," he murmurs, looking into her eyes while he brings his free hand back to cradle her face. "Couldn't even give me a minute to react."

She frowns, aware of how her arms are squeezed in between their chests and closing her hands into fist just so she won't touch him. "Your reaction was to laugh at what I said, so yeah. I'm sorry if I didn't enjoy that."

"Wasn't laughing at what you said," he says, brushing his thumb up and down her cheek. "'M sorry. I just laugh when I'm happy, that's all."

Aurora sighs, unable to stay mad or annoyed at him, then rolls her eyes and shifts on her back, pulling her arms up and freeing them out from their chests.

"That was a shitty first kiss," she murmurs, hugging his neck and pulling him closer. 

Harry snorts, then eases more of his weight into her. His bare body finally crushing her covered breasts. 

"I know." Smiling, he brushes the tip of his nose up and down her other cheek, where his hand isn't already touching her. "Was afraid you'd change your mind and leave."

She takes one hand to the back of his head, twisting and twirling his curls while trying to stare at him despite them being so close to each other. "Well… Didn't leave. And didn't change my mind, so…" 

He kisses her cheek, then a little bit to the side, closer to her nose. "So… Still want me to make a move?"

She nods and lifts her leg, hooking it around his thigh and moving her foot up and down. "This time do it properly, though." 

Harry smirks, kissing a little bit further down, and again near the corner of her mouth. 

"'Mkay," he murmurs, and moves to the other corner of her mouth, slightly brushing their lips on his way there. "I'll try my best." 

He slides his hand down, from her cheek to her jaw, then brushes his thumb from side to side at the same time he presses another kiss to her skin. Aurora sighs and closes her eyes, making her hands comfortable in between his curls while she waits for him to finally fully kiss her mouth. Except when he does, he does it softly and barely. A feather-touch that has her puckering her lips and waiting for more. 

"God you're so pretty," he whispers, almost like a secret, then pecks her lips again with the same lightness. Caressing her mouth way more than kissing it. "Can't believe this is happening." 

He slides his hand down from her face to her shoulder, then through her side. Squeezing her waist while pressing another feathery kiss, and another one. Making her body tingle and shiver. Just like the Italian summer breeze did to her earlier that day. 

"Do you have any idea how long I waited for this?" he asks, keeping his mouth close enough that their lips brush against hers as he speaks. Pressing their mouths together just for a gentle second, then pulling away and leaving her longing for more. "How many times I thought about it?" 

Aurora is kind of dizzy, kind of woozy, but his revelation feels too important to ignore. So she opens her eyes, and slides her hands from the back of his head to his cheeks. Guiding him to look at her. Demanding his full attention. "What?"

Harry blinks, the green of his eyes burying into her soul even in the darkness.  

"I just…" He squeezes her side, a little bit tighter this time. As if his words were coming out of his fingertips, instead of his mouth. "Fuck I can't believe 'm about to do this."

He squeezes her again and leans in, then finally fully kisses her. Capturing her lips and not waiting any other second before sneaking his tongue into her mouth. Dragging his hand down to her thigh, then back to her hips, then around her back. Going from gentle to desperate in a blink of an eye. As if he suddenly opened the gates to a lot of piled up needs. 

Yes. Fucking finally. 

Aurora shuts her eyes closed and whines, or maybe it's just a moan. She doesn't know. It just melts out of her throat while she goes numb and dizzy into the kiss. Instinctively throwing her arms back around his neck and tasting his tongue with her own and then pulling him closer, and closer, and closer. Every inch of him. From his head, to his chest, to his leg locked inside her own.

She never knew she would be so relieved to kiss him. Or that her body would just restore to life as soon as she tasted her lips. Or that everything inside her would just buzz and itch for him. 

And they're both just so, so desperate. Squeezing here, pulling there. Tilting heads to one side, and to the other. Licking tongues. Sucking lips. Sighing into each other's mouths. Trying to grab more, and more, and more.

Always more. 

"Fucking hell," he mumbles, then tilts his head to the other side and leans in for another wet, sloppy, and delicious kiss. 

Aurora moans, sweetly and weakly. Almost like she's about to beg for him. And then she drags her hands up through the back of his head and threads her fingers around his curls, holding tightly onto him while Harry kisses the hell out of her. While he drifts his short nails from her back to her ass, then stops where the swimsuit doesn't cover her skin and strokes her up and down. While he squeezes her. And then while he sneaks his hand under the fabric and fills his hand with her cheek, then squeezes her again. Harshly — so harshly and so wildly that his own fingers burn in pain. 

Aurora gasps and jolts closer, and Harry deepens even more to kiss her even more. And more. And more. 

Always so much fucking more. And it's just so, so good.

Harry moves from her ass to her thigh, then grips her flesh tightly before encouraging her to properly hook her leg around him. And she does it. Happily. Eagerly. Pressing her heel on his back and pushing him closer at the same time she tugs his curls and sighs into the kiss. 

He lays on top of her, settling between her legs while holding his weight on one elbow and gripping the back of her thigh. Digging his fingertips into her as he breaks the kiss and pulls away, opening his eyes to look at her. 

He presses himself between her legs, then, and Aurora loses what's left of her mind. Because although he isn't fully hard yet, it's clear he's getting there. Firm and heavy between her legs. Pressing into her. Forcing into her. 

"Oh my God," Aurora breathes out, widening her eyes as she opens them and stares at him. 

Harry pants. 

Aurora pants.

And they both just look at each other. They look, and they look. Meanwhile trying to catch up with their breaths. Meanwhile trying to slow down. Meanwhile trying to control themselves. 

And then Harry moves up and down, and she gasps. Then he rolls again, and again, and again. 

She squeezes her eyes shut while arching her back and hooking both legs around his waist. And she's painfully conscious of how wet and thirsty her body is between her legs. 

"Holy fuck," Harry murmurs, then places both elbows on each side of her face. "Auri?"

"Hm?"

Fuck he feels so fucking good.

"You need… You need to stop me." 

She shakes her head and opens her eyes, then brings her hands to cradle his cheeks. "No. Why?" 

He kisses her, and he kisses her. And he kisses her. And he fucking kisses her. So, so well.

"Because I'm about to get to a point where I won't be able to stop anymore." 

"Then don't."

Harry chuckles, and she feels his pain in his voice, and also his reluctance when he closes his eyes and has to force himself to stop rolling up and down against her desperate center. 

"Not here," he breathes out, squeezing his eyes shut so tightly that it makes her uncomfortable for him. "Not like this."

She hates it, but she knows he's right. So she licks her lips, and brushes her thumbs up and down his cheeks, then unhooks her legs from around his waist. "We'll stop, then."

"It's not that I don't want to," he murmurs, dropping his weight on top of her and pressing their foreheads together.

"I know. I can feel that."

Harry chuckles, then kisses her cheek, and the corner of her mouth. And then, as desperately and urgently as he started, he finds a way to subtly and delicately kiss her again. Slowing them down. Tasting her mouth with more affection, with more time, with more intention. Actually savoring her lips, and actually caressing her skin. Dropping his hand back down to her ass and covering her properly again, then sliding it all up through her side.

Aurora finds herself happily following his new pace. Threading her fingers through his curls and stroking his scalp, then giving little nibbles to his lips, and cute, sweet licks to his tongue.

He hums, and cools off. Losing his strength and dropping his weight to the side. More and more. Until he's fully turning on his back, and pulling her along with him. 

And Aurora moves, turning and holding herself on one elbow while she keeps her other hand on his face. Holding, brushing, caring for him. And when she pulls away, the loud mwah of their lips breaking apart seems to reverberate through both of them, and also through the ocean. 

They both blink, and whilst Aurora rests her hand on his bare chest, Harry takes his own to her face, pulling her hair behind her ear before brushing his thumb up and down her cheek. 

"Hi," he whispers, tilting his head slightly to the side just to stare straight into her eyes.

"Hi," she whispers back, finding the string of his necklace and grabbing it between her fingertips.

The bright lights from the yacht reflect on the beautiful green of his eyes. Besides that, though, everything about Harry looks like a complete mess. 

But a hot mess, still. Because he looks like a mess that was made by her. He looks like she kissed him so hard that she left his lips swollen. Like she tugged his hair so harshly that she left him completely disheveled. And like she grabbed him so tightly that she left tiny spots all over his cheeks. 

Does she look like that, too?

Like he just kissed the soul out of her? 

And then brought her back to life?

"How was that for a move, huh?" 

Aurora rolls her eyes, but then drops her forehead to his shoulder and laughs.

Harry smiles, sliding his hand to the back of her head and kissing her temple. Once, and twice. "Is it ok that I'm already thinking about doing this again?"

She takes a moment, but ends up holding herself up and looking at him. "Is it okay that I wish we didn't have to stop and go back to our friends right now?"

He slides his hand back to her face, then brushes his thumb up and down her cheek. "Thank God 's not just me."

He leans in, then, pecking her lips just once. Softly and shortly. Puffy lips sweetly puckering against hers and leaving her craving for more. 

Aurora smiles, and fidgets with the string between her fingers. 

Even the mat underneath them seems to wake up, because it's suddenly waving their bodies again. 

(Although Aurora it's pretty sure it never stopped moving, she just stopped paying attention to it.)

"Can we go somewhere more comfortable next time, tho?" she asks, and Harry laughs. 

"Yeah… We can go wherever you want, Auri. Whenever you want. I don't care, as long as I get to be there, too. As long as I get to be there with you."

Hi! If you've made it here, thank you for reading. You have absolutely no idea how much it means to me.

PART 5

[yukidragon]

Sunshine in Hell Height Headcanons

It's June 15, which as many of you know from this official profile, that it's Sunny Day Jack's birthday today!

You might also know that it's [Redacted]'s birthday thanks to this ominous picture Sauce shared last year on this day. Funny how these two totally distinct characters share a birthday isn't it? 🤔

Anyway, I was hoping to have written something for this year to celebrate, but like last year my spoons are way too few and far between. I was also hoping to do something self-indulgent for my own birthday, but same lack of spoons halted me there too.

So, until I can stock up on more metaphorical utensils to help me do the stuff I feel like doing, I'm going to celebrate by rambling a little bit about some headcanon details.

Sunshine in Hell differs from the game demos in a number of ways, and one of them is Jack's height. As you might've seen from the profile link, Jack is canonically 6'2", but in my personal headcanon continuity, I decided to make the gentle giant quite a bit taller than that. Because it amuses me, and I struggle with imagining Jack as shorter than Cove Holden.

When deciding how tall to make Jack in my stories, I also decided to do a height chart for him and a few other characters as well. It helps to better imagine characters interacting when you can see how tall they are compared to others.

Yes, I threw in a few extra love interests to the mix, as well as a couple other MCs. I was curious to see how tall Alice would be compared to her sisters, and I had to throw in their love interests as well.

As an aside, it tickles me that even after I made Jack significantly taller, he's shorter than Bo's horny "Feed Me" form.

For those of you that need the conversion from centimeters to feet and inches, or have trouble reading the image, I'll write them down for easy reference.

Alice: 162 cm / 5'4"

Jack: 198 cm / 6'6"

Shaun: 178 cm / 5'10"

Nick: 173 cm / 5'8"

Ian: 170 cm / 5'7"

Bo: 180 cm / 5'11"

Barbie: 184 cm / 6'0"

Bo "Feed Me" form: 216 cm / 7'1"

Elias: 185 cm / 6'1"

Coraline: 172 cm / 5'8"

As you can see, Shaun, Nick, and Ian stuck with the canon heights in their profiles. It's just Jack who got a height increase because it's what I imagined his height to be from the start, and Sunshine in Hell is basically my headcanons that diverge from the game's canon, so I do what I want. It's also fun to imagine scary yandere Jack towering over every single one of the love interests. It adds to the intimidation factor too despite his gentle giant persona.

Bo and Elias don't have canon heights like the SDJ love interests, so I mostly just did whatever felt right to me for them. Bo's regular height was influenced by the mafia AU picture Sauce drew. It served as a very good height comparison chart all on its own. As you can see, Bo is just tall enough to reach Jack's smile if you don't count the ears and poofy hair.

All credit to the awesome Sauce for their lovely art of course and for feeding my headcanons. As always, I want to link to the SnaccPop Patreon as gratitude for being cool with me using their art in my posts. If you're a a free or paying member, consider checking out an important survey that went up to help guide the team in their future endeavors.

Bo looks so short compared to Jack, doesn't he? In my headcanon land, it's just a matter of perspective, and next to other people Bo is pretty darn tall. Though he's just one teeny tiny inch shorter than his puppy.

You bet your sweet bippy Barbie takes smug satisfaction in that one inch height superiority. Bo talks so big as a big bad alpha dog, but the puppy he's trying to dominate is just a bit bigger and badder than he ever expected.

Of course, Bo gets to turn it right back around on Barbie with his monster sized "Feed Me" form. Like werewolves that become huge compared to their human selves, when Bo's inner beast comes out to play, he adds on quite a lot of height and muscle. He towers over even Jack! Still, even when super sized, he's no match for Barbie.

As you can see, despite being the eldest child, Alice is shorter than her two younger sisters, especially Barbie! They got more of their dad's height genes, while Alice took more after their mom in that department. Barbie and Coraline are quite a bit taller than average, a fact that Barbie revels in, and Coraline can find a little awkward sometimes, especially during moments of weakness. It can be hard to help someone stand back up and walk when they're much taller than you are after all. It leads to some embarrassing moments for poor Coraline.

On that same note of surprisingly tall people with chronic illnesses, I thought it would be interesting if Elias would have been a very tall man if not for his illness. There's no canon height for him and he's floating with Jack and Bo in the Christmas picture, so it's hard to go with a comparative height. So, I went with what felt narratively interesting to me. With his legs being twisted, and him being hunched over with a cane, he probably appeared shorter than he actually was. It's hard to see his exact height with his lower half ghostly and indistinct as well. It's only when he actually bothers to give himself legs and stand with both feet planted firmly on the ground that he can show off just how tall he really is.

While I'm on the topic of height, I wonder if one of Ian's insecurities was his height. Some men have issues if they're shorter than their peers, and Ian is the shortest of the love interests. I can imagine it certainly didn't help if he was bullied for being short along with his general "nerdy" appearance back in school.

Still, Ian has nothing to complain about at the height he's at as a fully grown adult. Even if the other love interests are taller than he is, Ian is still above average for men in the US. He's just got the misfortune of being the shortest guy in a group of very tall people. At least he doesn't have to worry about taking the bottom spot in the height chart like Alice.

Yes, Alice is a bit self-conscious about being so short compared to her peers, even if technically she's also above average height for a woman in the US. She feels especially tiny when standing next to Jack.

Though, admittedly, Alice does find it very nice to feel tiny and delicate when Jack sweeps her up into his arms. It makes her feel less self-conscious about how chubby she is when her big strong giant of a boyfriend can carry her around so easily. Once she gets over the initial fear that he might drop her, she'll soon look forward to being whisked away by her silly clown.

Oh, and if you're wondering about Mary's height... I'm still debating if I want her to be around Alice's height or a little taller. She had the same eye color in both lives due to the eyes being windows to the soul, but there were other physical differences due to different parents introducing different genetics. I need to ruminate on that fine of detail more and see what feels more interesting to me narratively.

Though even if Mary was as tall as Barbie, she'll still be short enough for Joseph to sweep into her arms since he's just as much of a giant now as he was then. Not that it would stop him from trying even if his sunshine was bigger than him. Nothing will stop Joseph/Jack from showing his love for his sunshine!

I think I'll wrap things up on that fluffy note. I hope y'all enjoyed me going off on a headcanon ramble after such a long time. With any luck, I'll be able to get to answering some asks soon. Thanks for reading!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[eluxcastar]

Number 13 and 14 with Arlecchino

Arlecchino being comforted by her s/o

── ୨୧：arlecchino x reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: arlecchino comfort drabbles yesyes

୨୧﹑genre :: sort of fluff

୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, possibly ooc because it was written pre fontaine quest, not very proofread, arlecchino is implied to have issues with self-image/perception

୨୧﹑words :: 2.2k

"I could see the worst parts of you and still think you are the most beautiful person I've met." "I'm going to ask you how you are and I would like you to answer me honestly."

IT'S HERE you guys always spoil me 13 is my favourite prompt and you are the first of two to request it. completely unrelated but this is so familiar to what Kae said a few days ago (months now omg 😭) when we were talking about One of Repetition and it fits those two so well 😭❤️

to the anon who requested furina it'll take me a minute to figure out how to write her because I haven't played the archon quest but I'll watch some cutscenes and do my best for you

I'll also be using this because I got it in the middle of writing this and thought it fit the idea I had going super well 🙏 that makes three Arlecchino requests with prompt 13 😭 also second anon you're fine dw you guys are free to do with your requests with these prompts as you like, mix them together, add extra descriptions and rambles it makes it more fun 👍 thank you btw 😭❤ feel free to give yourself a name for future requests if you want ❤️ I love having new anons

prompt list

It is not often that Arlecchino shows her doubt, maintaining that half-pleasant façade to hide it all. If all people see is a ruthless woman with no regard for loyalty, then the details don't matter. There's no need to question, no need to dwell. She is one thing and nothing more, and she much prefers for nobody to notice the hesitancy in her drastic decisions, the thin-veiled regret as she watches the children she witnessed grow up go on to become valiant children of the Tsaritsa.

If there is anything more, it is disregarded as her unpredictability. She is a roach in the eyes of others, and perhaps she's ok with that…mostly.

To hear someone say "I love you" is strange to her, though it shouldn't be by now.

It shouldn't be unusual to wake up tangled in the sheets with you by her side or the struggle it ends up being to leave that mess as you try to convince her to spend five more minutes with you. It shouldn't be odd to discover that you've gone ahead and made her tea in anticipation of the time she will wake up or to have you remind her every morning that you hung her coat up to dry after she dumped it over the back of a chair the night before or to see you wandering around going about your own job.

But those events all feel surreal to her, even though she has watched you walk your patrol path a thousand times now, and she has seen you slack off where she sits by the window of Zapolyarny when you think nobody is looking.

You are very real, there's no doubt about that.

The things you do never click with her, however.

Perhaps you are real, but she made up these fantasies after watching you loiter by that one spot in the garden a little too long.

Yet every evening, you meet her in her office after you're officially let off for the day, and you usually bring snacks. You are most definitely there, then, as she watches you struggle to get through the door without damaging whatever you found for her to try, usually only small, a pastry you managed to get that you absolutely mustn't knock from your hands.

"I tried to get something that wouldn't make a big mess all over your stuff," you usually say, sometimes hacking on a 6guilty little "But~ these just looked so good…" to try and excuse you for bringing something that would cover her desk in crumbs.

Arlecchino doesn't mind because you went to the trouble of getting her something.

She got you a special chair to pull up and everything, and anyone else who uses it can deal with the death glare they get or find a different one.

But perhaps she made that up too, conjuring the image of someone fumbling their way through her office door to greet her with a smile, sometimes with jam on your mouth from taste-testing the gifts that she'll point out to you that you hurriedly wipe on your sleeve and pretend it was never there.

Maybe she put that chair there for nothing, and it never really moves, and each time she thinks this, she is sure this fantasy will all disappear.

However, every evening, without fail, as the sun begins to set out the window and the room is dyed an orange hue, the door opens, and there you are again. Delusions can't possibly be that persistent, and you would've scowled at her when she approached you in the hallways if you weren't aware of this relationship.

So it must be real, which she's well and truly aware of. There must be a person out there who sees what she cannot, someone who, by some miracle, manages to see past the things that block out all of the good. How can a person see anything but someone unworthy of their love?

What else is there to see? 

The idea of a person who deserves to be loved beneath bloodshed has become unthinkable.

For a person who has been exposed to Arlecchino's worst sins, who has seen everything, and whose worst offence in life is a little laziness on the job, how is it possible to look at her and smile?

Arlecchino often wonders as she watches you. She how you go through your routine of placing your things down, whether on the desk or beside them, then all too happily mosey on off to get your chair and drag it over to sit across from her. She doesn't know why it's this particular day that she asks. Perhaps the fact it was weighing on her mind after a recent mission had her list of redeeming qualities shrinking further and further. It is in her job description, and there are plenty of worse people in this world.

But do you deserve to be stuck with one of them?

"Did you ever feel pressured into accepting my feelings for you?" Arlecchino asks the question so suddenly as you're halfway through walking back with your chair that she sees the exact point you register what she said, freezing in place from the shock. "Whether through status or power," she adds.

You blink a few times before all the motion in your world resumes to greet you with the image of her staring you down from the other side of her desk, patient and waiting for your response. "Sorry?" You let the chair go to return alone to her, standing in the place where you always put it. "I don't, uh…follow? I'm sorry, I just— I'm not sure what you mean?"

She hesitates, momentarily glancing down before her age returns to you and your uncharacteristic expression riddled with worry. She must've made you upset again.

"You want to be in this relationship? With me, that is…" Arlecchino struggles to think of the words, saying them as soon as they appear in her mind. "Even though you know the kind of person I am, you still want that?" 

She studies your face as carefully as she can, watching the way you react as you absorb everything you just heard and assumedly try to put a response together in your head. Arlecchino has noticed before how you take longer to speak than her sometimes, but it tends to make everything you say more thought out, though you may end it like you're unsure.

"Well, I mean…if I didn't, wouldn't I just—" you pause for only a second— "break up with you?" There's silence after you finish. She doesn't say or do anything. To Arlecchino, that strangely almost makes sense, but you must be far too bold to admit that to a Harbinger. "It's not that I want to! I'm a little--…well, I think I'm just a little bit confused where that's coming from."

"I was thinking about it." You frown when she admits that. "Some of the things you have seen of me are…" Is there even a word to encompass that? "unbecoming of a lover."

Is that the right way to phrase it?

Again, you pause, and the telltale signs of consideration cross your face. An intense focus that barely lasts, and Arlecchino waits through it all to allow you your chance to answer, intent on allowing you that much. A few seconds more, and your features relax, looking back at Arlecchino with a tender gaze. "There's not really one 'right way', is there?" Your question, though rhetorical, strikes a chord with the many impulsive responses that flood her mind, all of which she keeps to herself. "You just kind of...try your best. Things might work out, or maybe they don't— the point is that you mean well and put in the work."

"That's not enough," she argues, "you deserve better."

"I deserve what I want." Your rebuttal makes sense in theory, but what do you want? She struggles to make sense of that part, the answer muddled by all of her thoughts and lost in her doubts. 

You could ask anything of her, and she would do it. Any material possession, every feeling, more love than you know what to do with in any form you desire—physical, emotional, intimate—and yet you never do. You accept her awkward hugs, that it takes her time to relax when you lay your head on her chest, the fact she sometimes snores, that her clothes may very well be covered in bloodstains when she comes home depending on uncontrollable circumstances.

You never ask for the things she has plenty of power to give you in return for those flaws.

She shakes her head, "but surely you want more."

"I don't."

"There is a lot wrong that you deserve compensation for." 

Arlecchino clenches the pen in her hand tightly, feeling the slight distress of pressure around it. She can't articulate what, not in the way she understands it; flaws is too broad of a term to use. You would instantly know and understand what she meant in a perfect world, but the world is not so generous.

"Like what?" you question. You feel that it’s obvious that nothing Arlecchino will struggle to say will shake you. She opens her mouth, prepared to refute it, headstrong and frankly stubborn as ever, but nothing comes out.

There is silence for a moment, and no one rebuts what you say. Nobody can. The only other person in the room fights with herself to yield and give in to your unwavering loyalty. In your mind, she is everything you want. There is nothing else you can ask of her than to simply accept that you wish to remain with her if only she will allow you to through her own emotional turmoil.

"Are you listening to what I’m saying?" you ask, frown creeping back onto your face as it tugs the corner of your lips down, seemingly against your will, "I could see the worst parts of you and still think you are the most beautiful person I’ve met."

Another chord is struck, her heart beating so loud it thrums in her ears like suddenly becoming aware it’s been threatening to beat out of her chest the entire conversation. She breathes, shaky and caught up in her own surprise. Somehow, she didn’t expect you to be so sweet in your words or throw her off guard so abruptly. She finds it hard to believe them. Arlecchino’s worries haven’t disappeared, only dwindled. It helps, if not completely. There is a reprieve in listening to you.

You have seen the worst of her, every crease she hasn’t ironed out, her sometimes rotten personality, her stained clothes, the weapons she cleans in your home. You have seen her walk to greet you covered in blood and gore from a savage fight, kneel before you and hold your hand with the same hands she uses to kill vagrants and petty criminals, kiss your skin with those lips that spill the vilest of curses against her enemies.

Before she realises what she’s saying, she blurts out a question, "Do you really believe that?" 

It is quiet, reminiscent of how gently you looked at her earlier as her voice barely breaks a whisper, and she can’t bring herself to break eye contact with you once she finds the courage to make it.

"I do." 

You smile at her, hoping she will smile back. A faint smile graces Arlecchino’s lips, ever the handsome picture. Her sincerity is comforting after such a scare. You still worry, and perhaps you will never stop with the way her mind likes to trick her. How long had she thought you secretly looked at her with disgust this time? You fear you won’t have an answer again, though you desperately wish for one. As much as you notice her awkwardness, dismissing some of it and observing other parts with more scrutiny, it is hard to make her talk to you at times.

"Thank you." It is all Arlecchino can think to say in response as she forgets what else she was going to challenge you on. It will return eventually, and she will face it again, but for now, it settles. Arlecchino can reasonably bury her doubt for a time.

"Can we keep talking?" you ask. 

"About anything," she confirms with a nod.

You turn away, walking across the room in pursuit of retrieving your chair from its designated spot by the wall. You pull it along, dragging it over the floor, and set it down across from her on the other side of the desk you’ve been talking across. Your seat welcomes you as it always does as you settle into place, now comfortably at eye level with her.

"In that case," you begin, taking the pen she holds and wriggling it from her hands. She relinquishes it without much of a fight, allowing you to place it off to the side out of the way. "I’m going to ask you how you are, and I would like you to answer me honestly."

"Anything for you, my love."

[jodiellie]

Week 1 Evaluation

It's been a week since I've started this journey, so let's reflect on how the first week has been!

First of all, let's have a refresher on what my GOALS for this 30 days initially is~

Fixing my sleep schedule

Incorporate more physical activities (doesn't have to be exercising, can be stretches or walks!)

Drawing more often for practice

Sleep:

I'd say sleep wise, I'm slowly getting better at it. Though, there are moments where I couldn't get myself to sleep and ended up getting worse. But in general, I think I've made good progress than before I started on this journey, so good job me! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

Physical activities:

I'm pretty proud of my progress for this! So far, I've managed to do something everyday for the past week to get my body moving! Whether it be actually following along exercising videos on Youtube or some stretching to ease some tension on muscles! Again, good job to myself uwu

Drawing:

Now this. I did NOT meet this goal at all during this entire week, which is a shame. I think I was focusing a lot on taking better care of my own body that the thought of taking care of my skill set kinda slipped my mind? Which, to be fair, is kind of expected since even trying to remind myself to do certain basic self care task is difficult in itself. So, it's okay, we'll just have to do better during the following week~

Extras:

Other extra stuff for my health that I think would I've done well is also finally taking my meds and vitamins. Though it's not consistent yet, I'm glad I finally was able to take them more than I was before. This goes for my water intake as well! Sometimes I would go on days without drinking any water at all, which is quite bad... But now that I'm trying to actively record down my days and what I've done to better my body, it serves as a reminder in itself to drink more water, so yayyy another great job done for me °ʚ(´꒳`)ɞ°

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Things I need to improve/add for the following week:

After a week into this journey, I think I'd like to adjust some of my goals and be a little more specific in what I want to achieve for hopefully the next week! This will help me be a little clearer with what I need to do and help myself feel good in the future >:)

Try to sleep 30 mins earlier than the last, but the latest time for me to go to bed would be 3am. I have been doing quite okay with only a few slips here and there on this. So hopefully by the end of the next week, I can somehow sleep around 12am instead.

Still moving my body every single day, but let's try to exercise 3 times this week for at least 30 minutes! It's been a long time since I've exercised that I forgot how good I always feel afterwards both physically and mentally. So yes, I'd like to challenge myself to actually do some exercise more often! ( *` • ω •´)ゝ

Since I have 0 progress on my drawing, I want to start slow and easy myself into it. Since it feels daunting (for some reason), let's try achieving at least 30 minutes per day for 3 days of art practice. Can be anything, like anatomy, color study, or even just my own personal art. As long as it reaches the goal I set, then it's good :>

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 31

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, allusions to abuse, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Is it Monday already?

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

You sit in the waiting room, anxious and squirmy as Andy keeps his hand on yours. When you start to fidget, he squeezes and you stop. He doesn't tell you to but you can sense his agitation. It only adds to your own impatience.

When Dr. Kemp emerges to call you in, you have to keep yourself from jumping up. You're caught in the urge to both run away and run towards him. With all the thoughts you've had about him, especially while exploring, you're set alight just at the sight of him.

Andy accompanies you in. You almost forgot he would be there too. You near Kemp with a smile and he watches you with placid blue eyes. His coolness makes you self-conscious. The one thing you can never tell him is how he makes you feel.

He welcomes you in as usual. Before you can claim the chair you often sit in, Andy nudges you towards the chaise long. You hesitate but redirect, sitting with him on the dimpled leather.

Dr. Kemp shuts the door and crosses the office, sitting in the other chair as he leans an arm against the side. He gives a thoughtful hum as he considers both of you. Andy reaches to put his hand over yours, once more tightening his grip.

"So… how are things? Are we seeing progress?" Kemp asks brightly. "I'm sensing… improvement."

You just nod as Andy clears his throat and shifts. "I think… I think so," his fingers twiddle on his other thigh, "we have been… intimate. Somewhat, right, honey?"

You shy away and give another nod. Humiliated.

"In what way?" Kemp prompts.

You nearly choke and look at him with round eyes.

"This is a safe space, so we can be honest," he coaxes as he notes your shock, "have you both… tend to each other?"

Andy sighs and his fingers curl around yours. You wince.

"Yeah, but… she… she drank a bit too much so… she doesn't remember…" Andy huffs, "so… I tried."

"I'm sorry," you squeak, "I didn't mean to."

"Hm, and is there a reason you were drinking?" Kemp asks you.

"Well, uh, no. Andy gave me a beer, so– I don't really–"

"So you gave her a drink and are mad that it affected her?" He challenges Andy and you flinch again. 

"She's an adult–"

"All and well but you can't get upset. What can you expect?" Kemp reprimands and Andy tenses, grumbling under his breath. 

"So," Kemp redirects back to you, "you have… shown Andy that you're committed? Spoken in his love language, but has he done the same for you?"

You struggle not to rip your hand out of Andy's. You don't know what to say. You don't know what you want, especially from Andy. 

"I… guess. I don't know?" You sputter, "he… he's nice. He…"

"I buy her things, I do stuff for her all the time–" Andy interjects.

"Please," Kemp silences him with a wave of his hand, "Andy is obviously an affectionate person, but what do you need?"

You gulp and shrug. You really don't know. You just open and close your mouth like a fish.

"Here's what we do. Andy, you cool it. The next time you do anything, I want her to initiate. And I don't want you," he points at you, "to do what he wants. You figure out what you need and that's what you do, understand?"

You swallow, lightheaded. You know what he means but you don't want to think about it. What if what you want isn't Andy?

"The next time we check in, I think I should do another housecall…" Kemp says, "and after this, we'll have our usual one-on-one. For now, I want to do a few exercises between you two…"

You blink rapidly. There's so much to do. That was always the worst feeling, knowing you had an insurmountable list ahead of you. Steps, that's what the doctor always says, little steps.

🕊️

Andy leaves and your private session begins. You’re nervous, still scalded from the conversation about intimacy. You fidget as you tuck yourself into the corner of the couch, trying to shrink down as much as you can.

Dr. Kemp stands and walks casually to the window. He doesn’t say anything right away. You wilt in the silence, wondering if you should start. How do you do that though? What do you say?

Your head races with the messages on your tablet. It’s so much easier to talk to him through a screen. Face-to-face, you’re embarrassed at everything you’ve shared with him under the deceitful protection of distance.

He turns to face you, smiling as he leans on the window ledge. He crosses his arms and you see how his chest flexes under his shirt. You try not to focus on that, bringing your eyes back to your twiddling fingers.

“Let’s focus on you,” he puts one foot in front of the other, uncrossing his arms to fix his left cuff. “You’ve been… exploring.”

You chew your lip. Oh gosh. Why did you ever let him convince you to do that? And why had you done it every day since? 

“Now, don’t be shy. You know I won’t judge you. I wouldn’t encourage it if it was bad,” he comes forward slowly and sits at the other end of the couch, “can I ask you something?”

You nod, staring at your lap. You lean into the armrest, slouching as heat nips at your cheeks. You feel terribly dizzy. Even if he’s not that close, he’s crowding you.

“Why are you so… let me restart that. What has made you so… reticent about your sexuality?” He asks.

You shake your head. You can’t speak. It’s not a question you can answer. You don’t know what makes you want to melt into a puddle.

“You never… never tried anything before? Never been curious?” He prompts.

You swallow and hunch forward, speaking to the carpet, “a little.” You clasp your hands tight, forcing them still, “but… it hurt. So I stopped and… just forgot about it.”

“The other day. Did it still hurt you?”

You shake your head again. 

“That’s good,” he praises and the couch jostles as he moves closer. He keeps some space between you as he reaches to touch your shoulder, “it’s not shameful. You’re just getting to know yourself. You’re taking care of yourself, sweetie. And That’s a good thing.”

“Mhmm,” you hum with a nod, his touch electrifying.

“So you can take what you learn about yourself and show Andy. Share it with him,” he suggests.

You’re quiet. You shrug off his hand and look away. You can’t tell him the truth. About why you enjoyed it so much. You don’t really understand it yourself. It’s probably doesn’t mean anything.

“Doctor,” you push your chin back down and sense him lean in, listening to you intently. “What… what if when I… did it, I wasn’t thinking of Andy?”

He takes a breath and lets his hand rest on the cushion between you. He leans an elbow on his thigh as his gaze sears into you. His fingers tap as he thinks.

“Nothing wrong with that. It’s not uncommon to have fantasies. They’re only that, they’re not real. So who are you hurting?” He drags his hand back and shrugs, “does that make sense?”

Your lips part and you make yourself sit up. You feel lighter. Yeah, you suppose it can’t hurt Andy if he doesn’t know who you think of. Or Steve.

“I guess,” you agree.

“Great,” he sits back, “so who did you think of?”

You look at him in shock. He chuckles at your expression and waves you off. You frown, heart pumping wildly.

“You don’t have to say,” he reaches over to lightly tap your knee, “I was just being nosy.”

“Oh,” you pick at your fingernail.

“Being funny,” he says, “let’s redirect. Anything new this week? New books? How’s the painting going?”

You peek at him, biting your cheek. He looks at you like you’re the only person in the world. That’s crazy, you’re the only person in this room. He has nothing else to distract him. You’re being silly. You love Andy, not Dr. Kemp.

🕊️

You yawn at the canvas as you focus on the details of the feathers. Your work is coming together. You might be done soon. You’re at that point where you just don’t want to stop because you can see the end.

Andy doesn’t feel the same. The last time he checked in on you, he clucked at your response. It’s Saturday night, he reminds you. Yes, well, doesn’t that mean you can stay up late?

You can hear him inside the house as he grabs another beer. He had one for dinner and after as you excused yourself to paint. Is that his third? Fourth? You don’t know. Maybe you shouldn’t count.

Your eyes are itchy and you long to close them and let the tension out of your shoulder. That’s another thing that keeps you at the easel. As much as you long for bed, you’re nervous about sleeping in Andy’s bed. After the day’s therapy session, you feel like you have to do something. Something you’re not ready for.

You rinse your brush and step back. You go to your tablet to check your reference image, accidentally swiping over to a different draft. It’s a sketch you did the other day, only half-finished. It’s Amber, or supposed to be.

Your heart sinks. You remember slamming the cover on the tablet after realising you couldn’t remember exactly how she looked. You remember her smell, her voice, her warmth, but you just couldn’t get the slant of her nose right, you couldn’t make her eyes sparkle just so.

You quickly push the image away, looking for the falcon crest, but your motivation quickly dies. You don’t want to paint anymore. Neither do you want to go inside. Even if it is awfully chilly out here.

The TV blares from inside the house. You can hear it even through several walls. You wonder if you’re making too much noise or if it’s something else. 

You tap on the screen listlessly, realising too late that you’re staring at the chat with Dr. Kemp. It’s too late to message him. You’ll wait until tomorrow. Yeah, you can’t bother him this late.

By some eerie coincidence, a new message pops up before you can close the chat. You wipe your hand on your stained tee shirt as you read it. ‘Have a good night, sweetie. You did very well today’.

You go over the letters over and over again. You smile to yourself but quickly wipe it away. He’s only being nice.

‘Thank you. Have a good night.’

You send the message and leave the tablet on the small table. You start cleaning up, taking your time as you dread the other side of the wall. Andy won’t be happy you waited so long, but he might be too tired to be angry with you.

You grab your tablet and pause, reading the unexpected new message; ‘you going to bed?’

You bite your thumb. What should you say? Well, you should be honest, right?

‘Soon. Hope I can sleep.’ You tap the arrow and sway, looking up at the garage door. You really should just say good night and go inside.

‘What’s keeping you awake?’

Oh, gosh. End it. Stop talking. There was enough of that earlier. You’re typing before you can stop yourself.

‘Amber.’

That’s it. The only word you can manage. Off goes the bubble and almost immediately those three dots appear on his side of the chat. Then they disappear.

The chirp from your tablet surprises you. You nearly drop it but smack the screen instead, inadvertently answering the call. Oh no! He must’ve hit the wrong button.

You see Dr. Kemp on the screen and in the corner, your own face looks back. You sputter as you notice his bare shoulders, distracted from hating your reflection. You gasp.

“Oops,” you utter with a nervous chuckle.

“You’re thinking of Amber?” He asks without a beat.

“Um, yeah, but– Dr. Kemp, it’s late. We can talk next week. I’m sorry.”

“I called for a reason. I’m not Dr. Kemp right now, I’m Steve. Your friend,” he stares at you, smiling as you notice the odd angle. 

He must be sitting down, maybe he was getting ready for bed, that would explain his lack of shirt. You can’t even see that much, just the top of his chest. Don’t think about it. Maybe he doesn’t even realise.

“My friend?”

“Of course,” he coaxes, “so tell me, what are you thinking about Amber?”

You shrug and look away with a pout. You don’t know if you should say. You should’ve mentioned it earlier. You’re wasting his time.

“Aw, you miss her, sweetie? That’s normal. She’s your sister.”

You turn back to the tablet. You can’t help the tremble in your chin. You miss her, yes, but more than that. There’s not a word that can express how deeply you feel in that moment. You love Amber so much but you’re ashamed of how you used her for so long. Then you abandoned her.

“Did you decide if you want to invite her to Thanksgiving? I think that’s a great idea,” he says.

“Oh, uh… Andy wouldn't… I don’t know,” you mumble and turn, glancing at the door, suddenly paranoid he might hear you. “I should… it’s very late. I should go to bed.”

He nods. His hair is slightly askew, it’s usually so neat and tidy. He has a bit of stubble poking through along his jaw. He looks more handsome than you’ve ever seen him. You can barely think.

“Alright, I won’t keep you. You need a good night’s sleep, right? Because you have to take care of yourself, right?”

“Yes, doctor.”

“Steve,” he corrects.

You giggle, “yes, Steve.”

“Okay, go on,” he shifts the tablet, “chat tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” you promise, “good night.”

“Night,” he winks.

The call ends and you stare at the screen. Your chest flutters as you make yourself close the cover. You feel bubbly like you could float. And something else. Something that needs to be quelled. A deep need that has your fingers tingle for that familiar buzz.

[lxvebun]

What do gods dream of?

୨୧Content: Softish sukuna x gender neutral reader. Not caught up on his backstory this is purely from the little world in my head so it may be off. Fluff. Blood. Somewhat mortality and Immortality topics. nightmares. He's a Lovesick fool rlly. Let me know if I missed anything<3 I hope you enjoy the product of me getting out of writers block, emo ramblings at 3 AM and demon boyfriend brainrot<3 not proofread I am sleepy forgive me for any mistakes♡

Truly he can't recall the last time he dreamt. Dreaming sounds so innocent, such a flurry of colors and warmth doesn't suit him even in non existent realities. The question does make him wonder, more so because you're the one who asked him. Your voice sweet like honey and full of curiosity. What were his dreams like? Did they once make feelings of hope flow through his veins, did he dream of big delicious feasts under full moons or the warm sun and ocean waves kissing his skin? Or was he unfortunate enough to be plagued by nightmares, dreams that have turned as dark and cruel as his soul is right now? If he did he hopes they were atleast up to his standards that he has now as the king of curses.

For example, were the edges of his nightmare dripping with blood, was his every move observed from creatures in the dark, did the wind carry icy whispers to him, were the trees closing in on him, did the stars flicker out together with his dreamlike hope, did the sky open up into one giant empty black hole? Was he crushed under the weight of it all?

Now that he thinks about it, did he become the things he used to have nightmares about? did he become worse? Were they really nightmares or rather visions, fragments of his future self seeping through the cracks of his already breaking cursed soul. Who's blood is it thats dripping down the edges, is it on his hands?, is he the one observing every footstep, every shaky breath as they hide, would he move the grounds and break open the heavens, did he become all he ever dreamt of?

It doesn't matter now does it. It's silly for someone..something like him to think so deeply about a random question like that. But it's you who asked and if anyone else had dared to speak to him so casually, he would have been able to add a few more skulls to his throne. But it's you, and although he's not even sure how you see him, if these almost feverishly love sick emotions he has somehow managed to feel flow through you as well when you think of him, he would give you the world if you'd just asked, but right now all you want is an answer to your rather random question, he can atleast give you that.

Because for the first time in a long, long time he feels something warm, something alive and fluttering bloom in his chest again and he's pretty sure it's you

"Well, if gods were able to dream i'm sure it would be of the one thing thats just outside of their reach, someone probably." he finishes. His tone teethering on the edge of vulnerability, but before you're able to dwell on it he speaks again " something I don't relate to myself, of course" he says, shooting you a smirk. Legs crossed and chin resting on his hand

"Of course you wouldn't. But you do have quite the imagination" you start as you look down at his....interesting choice of a throne " use it. if you were able to dream, what would you want to dream of?

He pretends to think for a few seconds but honestly the moment that question left your lips his mind was already screaming the answer at him.

You're taken back when he turns to look at you again and his gaze has softened immensely, eyes lovingly tracing over the details of your face, a slight smile creeping up on his lips as he answers-

"You, of course"

[battydora]

haikyuu boys after you deny them cuddles :(

content: sfw, fluff, comfort

note: i just got denied cuddles and i, a bokuto kinnie, got sad so i'm gonna write this very self indulgently shh. this is sad i would never deny hq chr. cuddles 😭

note 2: also i feel like i missed a lot of other characters, my apologies, i will add more characters in future projects!

..

"ohhh baby!! come onn, just a little while, pleaseee? pretty please??" complains and whines, hoping you will change your mind and cuddle them. after you say 'no' multiple times, they give up and go to bed all pouty and needy, poor babies they just wanted some back and hair rubs.

— BOKUTO, atsumu, nishinoya, tanaka, sugawara, TERUSHIMA, koganegawa, LEV, yamamoto, hinata

..

"oh, okay then". understands you're not in the mood and kisses you goodnight but deep inside they're hurt and needy, please promise you'll cuddle them tomorrow (please, they feel sad :( )

— ASAHI, yamaguchi, FUKUNAGA, akaashi, matsukawa, ennoshita, AONE

..

complains at first but they don't insist, yet that doesn't stop them from cuddling you once you fall asleep.

— KUROO, yaku, hanamaki, OIKAWA, tendou, SUNA

..

unbothered, they don't mind if you don't cuddle them one night so they nod and fall asleep (but fail at the task because they still clinge onto you in their sleep without noticing)

— KENMA, iwaizumi, tsukishima, ushijima, KUNIMI, kyōtani, KAGEYAMA, daichi, osamu

[666writingcafe]

The Final Boss

Solomon

MC is too smart for their own good. And it's making them fail my test.

Have they demonstrated an understanding of Beel's powers? Yes. Have they used those powers to defeat their foes? Yes, and in an impressive fashion, I might add.

But the fire they normally have is missing.

"You've noticed it too, haven't you?" Asmo scooches closer to me and looks into the viewing ball I set up. "The passion's not there." I sigh.

"I suppose it's my fault for allowing your brothers to pick out the location of this test," I tell him. "I would have simply reserved an arena in the Devildom and have the battle there, but Satan insisted that this game of Levi's would be perfect."

"As if MC doesn't know the tropes of a RPG game."

"Exactly."

"I mean, even if they had no knowledge whatsoever before the exchange program, Levi would have at least taught them the basics." Asmo runs a hand through his hair to get some of it off his face. "Do you remember the first time you made full and complete use of my powers?"

"All too well." It was during a threesome with a girl we both liked. To put it simply, we fed off each other's lust and inadvertently overstimulating her to the point of death.

Asmo likes to joke about it sometimes. I don't.

"So, how do we get MC to do what you're asking?" Right. The task at hand.

"To be honest, I don't know," I answer. "I suspect they'll put more energy into their battle with me, but I don't know if it'll be enough to bring out all of Beelzebub's power."

"Why now?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've never been this invested in your apprentices becoming sorcerers." Asmo pauses. "Does MC mean that much to you?"

"You already know the answer to that." He sighs.

"Yes, but I want to hear you say it! Do you know how tiring it is to constantly use my powers to get dirt on people? It's so exhausting!"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" The patronizing look in his eyes makes me want to barf.

"I care about MC. A lot. They're the first human in a long time that I see myself having a future with." I pause. "Is that good enough for you, Asmodeus?" He playfully snarls like a cat, bending his fingers to look like claws.

"What an attitude!" he exclaims, smiling at me.

"You annoy me."

"Only because I care." Asmo glances back into the ball, appearing to think. "What if we upset MC?"

"No." Asmo huffs.

"I'm not saying we make them destroy the game or anything that extreme! I just think that if we tease them a little bit, we'd get them to feel something other than sheer boredom."

"Teasing might work. Just not on MC. They'll get too flustered to focus properly." I pause as an idea pops into my head. "Your brother, on the other hand..." Asmo's eyes widen before gleefully laughing.

"That's it! Oh, Solomon, you're such a genius!"

"How, exactly?" I'm asking because I want to know where his mind went, because he seldom complements me in a professional setting.

"You see, MC hates when we're reduced to our sins. That was why it took them so long to warm up to me; I wasn't being my true self, but merely a caricature. If I act like gluttony is Beel's only personality trait, then MC will feel the need to jump to his defense, thus triggering that connection you told me about." Interesting...

"You do realize that MC will be controlling your brother, right? The more angry they get, the stronger Beel will become, and I'm pretty sure you don't want him pummeling you." Asmo makes a dismissive noise.

"I'll be fine! Don't worry about me. Any injuries I sustain will be temporary." He smiles, nudging me with his elbow. "I want MC to become an official sorcerer as much as you do, you know."