#I just wanted to describe the transformation of his golden form :3

[dragon-ball-meta]

I have a headcanon for Super Saiyan 4.

So, to achieve Super Saiyan 4, the Saiyan needs to be able to become a Super Saiyan and be able to transform into a great ape and regain their consciousness while in their Oozaro form, like how Goku and Vegata did.

But my headcanon is that Super Saiyan 4 is the TRUE Super Saiyan form.

While not a major factor during the series, a Saiyan's tail can be both their greatest strength but also their Achilles heel and losing their tail is basically unthinkable and shameful, such as when Raditz got upset about Goku losing his tail.

The tail helps the Saiyan's stamina, as evidenced by kid Goku being able to hold his Super Saiyan 3 form once he regrew his tail, before he couldn't hold it because of his younger child body.

When Vegeta talked about the legendary transformation in the namek saga, you could see a golden ape as the Super Saiyan form, which is what Goku transformed into when he fought baby in GT

Also the design of Super Saiyan 4, it seems to go more into the idea of the Oozaro form, such as the fur. The hair also remains the user's original hair colour (Black for Goku and dark brown for Vegeta (Vegeta does have dark brown hair, passed on from his father, you can see it rarely and with Vegito, I think its just easier for the artists to do it black))

It's also the case of why Super Saiyan 4 is so radically different in design compared to the other forms. (I know one could say Toriama wanted to make something fresh).

I mainly think this because you need to be able to transform into a Super Saiyan and a great ape in order to achieve this form, having Super Saiyan 2 and 3 isn't a necessity. (The only Saiyan who skipped a transformation level was Gotenks, not having a Super Saiyan 2 form, only 1 and 3)

So having a great ape and Super Saiyan are key elements to achieving the TRUE Super Saiyan form.

I dont know, maybe I'm reading into it too much but I personally like the idea of Super Saiyan 4 being Super Saiyan in its truest form.

What do you think?

Well that's an interesting idea, but I don't think it holds up. For one, the idea of having to be in control, and the sort-of calm Goku seems to exhibit when in that form, seems to run the exact opposite of how Super Saiyan was described before. It was born from rage, the user risking becoming lost in it to the point of possibly destroying themselves.The idea of this being a "true" Super Saiyan form that somehow no one ever knew about just seems off to me as well. That also changed how tails were supposed to work, as their only real purpose was actually holding the glands that provided the bodily chemical that triggered the Oozaru transformation. Having it suddenly be a stamina manager would kind of be a bit random? And given the things Toriyama's said himself about Saiyan tails, I don't know if that holds up. Also, Super Saiyan 4 was actually designed by Katsuyoshi Nakatsuru, a character designer at Toei. Toriyama did famously do a drawing of it, but it was actually meant as a gift to the production team wishing them luck/success than anything else. it's a pretty non-Toriyama-esque design though, imo, so I'm not too surprised. But hey, that's just me. If you want to headcanon that, you absolutely can.

[lilfriezatyrant]

The Gilded Appearance

A few minutes have passed since he disappeared from this terrestrial hell...or rather he was recruited for a very special tournament.

This lousy monkey had actually managed to convince him. But he can't blame him. Anything is better than to have to be exposed to this cocoon and listen to horrible parades with disgusting fairy songs. He is in a gate that connects this world with the beyond...some human with magical powers had brought him here. A circumstance he does not consider important. His body seems stiff. This repulsive shell hanging from a cherry tree tightened him up very much and he had no freedom of movement at all. What an annoyance! And audacity!

He lets his tense neck circle, whereupon a cracking sound can be heard immediately, his pure ivory-coloured skin appears slightly turquoise due to the blue flames flickering in the portal. One eye looks slowly upwards and he immediately notices a glow over his crystalline skull. Immediately an annoyed sigh sets in. "How degrading for me...of course I have to keep this grotesque halo," he closes his eye again, had briefly determined where Goku is and puts his hands on his hips while he slowly struts to him. His tail flickers elegantly with every step behind him. "Hey, Frieza! I am Glad you're he--!" But he interrupts the mouthy voice with a glorious stroke in the pit of this stomach. "Oops, pardon me...my hand slipped...", he opens one eye again, it is almost like a cheeky wink and he rejoices in the pain of this simian barbarian. His white fist bores into his stomach one last time, but before he could react, his face distorts itself into a painful expression. This monkey had started a counterattack! Also a punch in HIS very stomach. He gritted his perfect teeth and heard the cheeky words of the Saiyan. "Oh, I am also sorry. Mine too." Inside he is loaded with wrath, but he keeps the control he has acquired over the last years. A real anger vein pulsates at his temple, but he smiles slightly, his vermilion eyes glowing at his counterpart.

"Okay Frieza, no more hand slipping. We have to hurry. We only have a few minutes left." The emperor stands upright again and immediately recovers from this little unexpected punch. He seems only slightly confused, his eyes widening as Goku gives him a hand. "Take my hand. I will take us away from here immediately", he himself, in his slight amazement, only brings a quiet "Oh?" as an answer. He chuckles slightly amused, "Then what shall slip next?"

But he doesn't take the hand of this monkey, because a ghostly creature floats panickedly towards them...probably it belongs to this other being. "Baba! We are in trouble! There are several creatures outside! We're surrounded!"

The Emperor puts his hands behind his back and cackles slightly. "A welcome party? You did not tell me that, Goku." He jokes with a smirk. But he does not get an answer, and the other goes out of the building.

His tail flickers enthusiastically behind him for a moment before he slowly follows him.

Oh? Fighters from another universe? This should be interesting. Unknown assassins who probably want to destroy fighters from other universes so that they can no longer participate in the tournament. A...perfidious manner, yet effective.

He watches the action, stands at the entrance of the building, his view directly to Goku and the... locusts in the sky. The unsuspecting monkey asks him questions, but his voice only meets with deaf ears. Clever assassins. Loyal people who understand their work...or they will be subjected to even worse torture if they fail?

Although the Saiyan's contact person gets on his nerves...the same answer follows constantly, namely none.

"I won't tell."

But in the next moment the chest of this dog-like alien is pierced and he falls into the water, rises again, his face screamed in pain. It was a deathbeam, straight from the deadly index finger of the Ruler of the Universe. But he had deliberately missed the vital organ so as not to cause an initial death here on Earth...at least not yet. But his shot was so precise and so close to Goku that he had poked his cheek. "Oh...I am sorry again...I guess my hand slipped after all." his smug grin remains and he can see a certain seriousness in Goku's eyes. Of course he has perfectly memorized his previous words in his head. He never forgets. I guess they will have some minutes left for a little warm-up exercise. "You know, my body has become quite soft in hell...", his smug manner can be heard on the outside and his body slowly covers itself in a golden aura. "And I thought I could loosen it up.", his changed ki continues to grow, it jst like a golden flame in which he is blazing and that's exactly how his inside feels: His body is exposed to so much heat that even the strongest material could melt...but he has got used to it, his body and his organs know this procedure...besides he is a cold-blooded being, literally and heat is very pleasant for his organism. Everyone here isn't moving... nobody is talking. Everyone watches this divine transformation, everyone seems to be spellbound. Just the kind of attention he was hoping for. Very good. A promising audience and it will be his greatest pleasure to eviscerate them. Every single being here.

At the moment, however, he is completely focused on this new power, which he has mastered after another stay in his own hell. Glaring light is emitted as his body takes on a new form in this shell. He has spread out his arms, his back is leaning backwards, almost forming a hollow back, his piercing eyes are closed and he still wears his perfect smug grin. It is the coming anticipation of the bloodbath with which he will inaugurate his golden skin.

Although his posture is inviting, every single limb is under tension. He has to bundle this incredible energy before he can release it and each of his metamorphoses is painful, an irrevocable fact. But it is never visible to an outsider.

Every single cell of his slowly changing body takes on an even more resistant form, micro scales merge together to become more robust as well. The purple spheres on his shoulders disappear completely under a stable golden layer. More muscle mass is formed on his membrane. His perfect transformation is almost complete...the colour gold to humiliate every still living Saiyan and to be superior to this monkey race.

And the hot feeling inside does something very curious: slight signs of goose bumps are visible...but only Frieza himself knows this, no one else would noticed. This unbelievable increase in power causes this. He is excited about what is imminent...he  is bloodthirsty and will show no mercy with his finally mastered power.

His strong toes briefly brace themselves, his nails claw into the stone floor before they glow golden for a moment and relax again. The same tension can be seen on his upper body and arms, which have increased considerably in muscle tone. His facial features are also briefly tense for a millisecond before it turns purple and his smirk is still clearly visible with his black lips.

The glistening light had spread over several kilometers during the night and is now slowly fading as his body completes the transformation.

His upper body makes a forward movement. It is like a bow, an invitation for the honour that all attendees were allowed to experience and it is also an augury for the coming disaster. Executed by the Golden Deity who is reborn.

His scarlet eyes open again in a sharp gaze, his golden and massive tail wagging briefly and swiftly once behind him, before he in his sublime form announces his arrival: "Behold the true power of the Golden Frieza!"

@dragonblobz I promised you I will give you a golden terror, didn't I? uwu

[jae-canikeepyou]

| adjacent | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

word count: 18k+ (unedited & not proof read)

summary: jaehyun turns into a golden retriever whenever the day reaches the most beautiful time; golden hour. a secret he kept his entire life & always wonders how long he could keep it, especially when you suddenly showed up.

genre: au + golden retriever!jaehyun + hs!nct

a/n: idk what came to me as i brainstormed this but by now, nctzens and valentines should know jaehyun’s a golden retriever :3 so i decided to write a plot for this adorable fact T^T heavily inspired with fruits basket and beauty & the beast! i really hope you’ll like it. lmk what you think! enjoy reading lovelies! ~j

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time was ticking real quick.

he rushed through the bustling people, avoiding the narrow crowds and jay-walked countless pedestrian crossings. he needed to hide. no one should see him transform. there was little time left. why was he so careless each time this happened? his parents and younger brother warned him to be alert at all times. did he listen? no, never did. they compared him to a rock— hard headed and stubborn. but all he ever wanted was to be free.

curses! just a little more, a few metres more! he pant as he tried to catch air. he felt his flesh tingling, his senses doubling and tripling. jaehyun peddled as fast as he could, at least reach the line of bushes by the basketball court. hopping over the plants, he threw his bag aside and jumped off his bike before bracing for the fall.

the now broken bell sounded horrible as jaehyun’s brother caught up to him with his skateboard. “dad’s gonna kill you if you ask for another bike for your birthday.” he sighed looking at the loosened chain while picking up the single-track vehicle and the scattered clothes.

jaehyun transformed to a golden retriever puppy and struggled to come out of the bushes with his tiny paws and body. when he succeeded, he scratched the back of his ears to brush off the leaves stuck to them. “won’t happen, sungchan. i’ve already saved up enough by then. i’m not gonna burden dad for my wants.”

sungchan pressed the bridge of his nose. “you’re kinda being a burden now.” he picked the animal— his brother— up and put him inside his coat, as well as the belongings on the ground. he hopped on the bike and headed towards jaehyun’s campus.

“what did you say?” jaehyun barked tried opening the zipper from the inside of sungchan’s coat.

“nothing.” the younger excused. “but can i have your bike if you actually plan to get a new one?”

“ugh just bring me to the court. i’ll be late for my morning practice.”

the brothers were able to communicate telepathically as they’re related and were both cursed. instead of golden hour, sungchan transforms during the blue hour, which occured at twilight. tracing back to their ancestors, all were cursed for unknown inexplainable circumstances. they tried breaking it with all they could. every idea ended a failure. so they had to live through it, adjust, adapt and be alert.

they bumped into ten, kun and jungwoo, who were doing warm-ups and they simultaneously trailed their eyes and heads towards the jung brothers. seeing the huge pouch on sungchan’s stomach area, they all cracked up and checked the time. “oh yeah, it’s sunrise.” jungwoo spun the ball on his pointer finger.

ten grabbed the pup with one hand and jaehyun barked at him but he couldn’t understand a thing. although he was confused, he continued to carry him in his palm because jaehyun’s response was funny. “what is he trying to say?” he chuckled and poked the pup’s snout.

“he said ‘it hurts. put me down idiot’. i have to be honest with you hyung. holding us by the back of the neck really hurts.” unlike his brother, he was rather calm and collected despite already imagining the pain.

“you’re a blue holland lop bunny. it’s normal to carry you like this too right?” ten showed the pup to sungchan.

kun facepalmed at the question and took jaehyun. “no dimwit it’s not normal. sorry jae. you know he just likes teasing your puppy form.”

“‘wait until i turn back’- ugh seriously do i really have to translate hyung’s words every time?” sungchan gave jaehyun’s clothes and bike to jungwoo. “you know what to do when he transforms back yeah?”

they nodded and upon seeing the kid leave and headed towards his campus, jaehyun couldn’t wait to turn human. he would always beat ten up almost immediately— sometimes forgetting that he was naked. for the dudes it was alright. the problem was if he was with girls, though he hasn’t encountered anyone so far. he hoped he didn’t have to.

the harsh drills from basketball practice already sucked the energy out of jaehyun. not only that it was physically tiring, transforming into a dog twice a day before that have doubled the strain. then him transforming back would cause migraines and painful joints, as they were the aftermath of the curse. he had to keep his title of m.v.p and captain since the told them there was a possibility of him of having a scholarship for college. he couldn’t let a minor pain hinder that chance. not ever.

however, ten and the others could read his suffering. to them it was obvious through his exhales and slowing speed. hiding it was of no use. jungwoo ruffled his hair with a clean towel after shower. “can’t you just be like that dog in the movie ‘up’? have a collar that translates barks into actual language?”

jaehyun rolled his eyes and wore his black t-shirt. “it’s a damn movie, jungwoo. the world might’ve evolved and advanced in technology and even if they were to exist they’d be expensive. can’t afford that.”

“you sound negative, don’t you have any hope at all?” kun joined the conversation.

“never had any. stopping this curse is impossible. it’s been generations. my dad’s still suffering too. i have to find a way.” he fixed his black cap in front of a mirror.

but he knew there wasn’t. silence loomed above them as the team struggled to continue the topic. they tried not to bring it up yet each time they did, it always ended awkwardly and badly. it was either they riled jaehyun’s mood— mostly ten— or jaehyun himself was building his own raincloud by sulking about it and not looking at the bright side.

how ironic it was, he thought. generally speaking, even though being golden had good intentions and the breed was meant to bring happiness to others, he felt the total opposite. if he had to describe it, it was all insecurity, lowered his self-esteem and hopelessness only increased over the years as he grew.

thinking about it, he slammed the locker a little too hard that its components caused it to bounce back.. and also added to fuel of his anger. “break that again you’ll be in the coach’s office.” kun tied his shoelaces and the others agreed.

“my dad is the coach, what do you mean?” he questioned at the stupidity.

“you didn’t show up the last time it broke. we got the punished in your stead. uncle wasn’t happy.” ten got out of the showers last, a towel was wrapped around his waist before the younger ones were scarred for a second.

“it was sunset and i transformed! of all people dad’s supposed to understand! i-” jaehyun rubbed his face quite agressively and headed straight outside.

“oi i’m still changing! wait up!”

jaehyun kicked the bike’s stand attached to the rear wheel. he and his father didn’t have the best relationship compared with other kids, but he could say that it was better than the relationship he had with his mother. she loved her little family, yet over time the curse grew onto her. her husband would turn into a werewolf at full moon. and until now, even though that happened once month, she thought a part of him wasn’t the same person she loved before. even more so, when her sons were just the same as him.

your mom’s delusional! she doesn’t love us! she fears us!

that feeling stayed in the boys’ mind until they were old and mature enough to comprehend the situation they’re in. why couldn’t she love them like any mom would? she was no different from an animal mother abandoning her calf/pup just because they were or had defects.

mr. jung tried his best to be the perfect father, for only he understood what his two sons were going through, as they might go through decades with it, just like he was. jaehyun still remembered his first transformation, he only had puppy paws, but that was a sign to mr. jung that he indeed inherited the curse. when sungchan grew a tail at a fine age of one, their father gave up his 9-5 hour office job to tend the boys. and that was before he became jaehyun’s basketball coach. now he could monitor them at a close range.

much to jaehyun’s dismay and for that reason, he felt more caged and overprotected.

—

“y/n! coach’s looking for you!” your classmate called.

no.. you groaned. again?..

it was already after school hours. you slouched on your desk as you covered your ears, remembering the errands he asked you to do previously. you didn’t know why, but ever since you had detention because you refused to run a 1600m marathon for an assessment, seemed like the other punishment was that he passed his job to you. that was a month ago, and today was the tenth time.

but curious as you were to find answers, you brushed it off and tried not to show any remorse. it’s all for conduct, you kept telling yourself. the whistle echoed the entire hallway and jolting you up in your seat. “okay, okay! hold on!” you yelled from the back of the classroom.

as coach jung stood rather comfortably outside the room, he gestured you to walk faster with a dimpled smile. “y/n! took you approximately three minutes to walk here.” he laughed and handed you several files and a zipper folder.

“thanks for counting?..” you replied with a confused and questioning tone. “coach, what’s this?”

“all school sports teams will have an annual retreat before their playoff seasons. i need a representing manager since ours was admitted to a hospital just today.” he pointed at the list. you followed his finger and it landed on your name.

“sounds like to me it’s more practice. and you want me to go because?” you raised your brows. he asked you to follow him to the gymnasium, in which it was making you recall all those extra detention after school.

“to make up with all of the p.e assessments you ‘purposely’ missed.” he said proudly while looking at his team doing drills. but he didn’t get any response from you. when he looked on his side, you were gone and ran across the basketball gym. “y/f/n!”

you squealed as embarrassment crawled your entire body. not only were you escaping from coach, you were disrupting the team’s practice and hitting couple of duffel bags and water bottles. “ah! sorry! coming through!”

*whistles* “after her!” coach jung’s voice added an extra chill to your spine.

“ugh why us?” ten groaned with sore muscles as coach gestured to them widely.

“just go.” kun panted.

then you heard a several footsteps turn into drums until they sounded a stampede. you jumped on your toes as you passed the line of showers cubicles. good thing you haven’t seen a naked man, or else you’d faint without knowing. you turned around and went straight ahead then to your right, and hid in a random room. the echoing voices and squeaking friction between shoes and waxed floors were cut to a silence, like your ears were muffled instantly.

your wobbly legs were tired and you were sighing in exhaustion and crouched down against the door. great, i’ll stay out of their sight- “what are you doing here?” you heard a low voice and froze on the spot. “only members of the basketball team can access the meeting room.”

that sounded like the captain.

“did you hear what i just said?” he raised his brows. you slowly lifted your eyes from his shoes to his legs, then to his built and face. “well if you’re a nobody you might as well leave before coach arrives. you interrupted my recording-”

“i heard you jung jaehyun.” you tsked and realised you had the name list on your hand. “ah, as a matter of fact, i can be here because i am part of the team. my name’s on the list.” you grabbed a pen and ticked the empty box on the paper.

what are you saying, stupid?!

“uh-huh..” jaehyun trailed, putting down his camera.

“y-yeah!” you stuttered. “you heard me.”

the door shook by the loud knocks from the other side. on the frosted window, you could see four figures. orange and black jerseys, they must be the team members. “ah! the door’s locked! she’s definitely in here coach!” one said.

“i’ll toss you the keys!” he yelled. oh crap. you were caught in between. your heart patterned with the knocks.

“you look terrified after hearing coach, y/n.” the chair squeaked from the weight. “i’m guessing you’re that troublesome student he has a hard time dealing with recently?”

of course captain knows you. great reputation you have, y/n.

“so? what’s your point?” you stood up to see his amused grin.

“say hello to a term’s detention.” jaehyun waved as the door swung open, revealing ten, kun, jungwoo and.. the coach.

you sighed heavily and dropped the papers. the coach crossed his arms and you lowered your head a little. “you plan to escape again y/n? then i shouldn’t hear any excuses from you. you’ll join us for the twelve day retreat. period.” he picked the papers up and wrote something.

“sir i can’t be with a bunch of jocks for that long!” your whine had the captain blocking his ears. “i have debate finals to attend to.”

jaehyun flinched at the high pitched sound and rolled his eyes. what was your deal? it was rude of you to suddenly barge into athlete’s quarters but judging them for that was even more rude of you. he had to shut you up at some point.

“so much excuses.” he played with his nails and to you he looked more amused than ever. you rolled your eyes at his chuckle and know he would target you from now on. “dad, y/n told me she’s ‘part of the team’.” he played his video that recorded your voice, clearly saying what jaehyun heard.

coach jung looked rather surprised, but his smile definitely screamed happy. “oh? that’s all i needed to hear. welcome, uh- temporarily. i’ll inform mrs. park about the situation.”

nononono- “i did this.” you were at a loss for words. “i won’t be able to compete in the debate.”

“yeah pretty much you made the wrong decision.” jaehyun stood to tower over you. “i’d like to see you suffer our drills-”

four knocks cut jaehyun off. “oh no, she’ll only do those for two days.”

you swifted your head in confusion, seeing coach jung wrote down your schedule on the white board. you were packed and it’s a lot worse than the actual assessment planned in school. “and what about the rest of the ten days?!” you exasperated that your hairtie snapped at the right moment, and your hair fell in sightful way.

“ooh that was hot.” ten commented in soft whisper, causing kun and jungwoo nudge him on the each side.

“she’ll be our manager for the remaining days, keep track of our drills and score points, or other extra things i needed a hand with while taeyang’s in the hospital.”

jaehyun rested his palms on his waist, swirling his tongue inside with a provoking gaze at you. “see if you can keep up, manager.” he chuckled.

you checked the time, it was nearing 5 p.m. “you know what, give me a day to process all this sport thing. it’s close to evening and i have to get going-”

“it’s evening already?” jaehyun cut you off as he looked outside the window.

the sun glistening at the distance while the sky showed a pretty ombré of warm colours. his senses doubled again and his whole body ached. he had to make you leave. it was already enough that his friends knew about his situation. there’d only be more trouble if you knew too.

“uh duh? the clock’s right there.” you pointed.

“hm, anyway you have to leave now.”

“sheesh i was going to anyway.” you rolled your eyes, but felt jaehyun’s palms behind your back. “hey stop pushing!”

“you’re too slow!” his tone changed. different than the usual because panic was what you felt from his palms. “quickly!”

the rest of the boys could tell you were pissed. they couldn’t understand why jaehyun had to make a fuss out of it when all he had to do was to kindly ask you. using force would only cause misunderstandings, like what’s happening now. “hey what’s your deal?!” you flicked his arms. “do you like to push people around? just because i’ll be with the team for the next two weeks, that doesn’t mean you could treat me like this already!”

“tsk so noisy! you’re wasting time! just leave would you?!” jaehyun turned you around towards the door.

this time you wouldn’t budge. “no jung jaehyun i need an explanation with this stupid attitude of yours!” you wriggled off of his hold, pushing him back with pats several times more that he stepped backwards.

“i don’t owe you an explanation!”

“you definitely do?!”

“why can’t you listen to what i say?”

“why can’t you stop being pushy, pushy?”

“you’re the one pushing me! time’s ticking y/n!”

the continuous back and forth of bickers and the war of pushing each other was an idiotic sight. your wrist was in jaehyun’s palms as he gripped you tighter. “i don’t care captain jerk! it wouldn’t bother you or hurt you to just give me one reason- and he slammed the door at my face! argh!”

jaehyun smirked wide and proudly knowing that he ‘won’ argument. silencing you was better than letting you see his other form. the boys stared him once he turned around to face them. “what?” he questioned,

“definitely not the right way to treat a girl.” they all said simultaneously.

“you know how bad it makes me feel when you all said it at the same time?” jaehyun pressed the bridge of his nose.

he knew well enough that this wasn’t his usual self. he’s good friends with you despite being in different teams of the school. you both took literature as your electives. sometimes you’d let him copy your notes when he had matches or leave small appetisers and juice cartons when he was tired and vice versa.

but no matter how close you both were, he couldn’t afford to let you see his other self.

not just yet.

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waking up so early in the day to assist the team was way more annoying than birds chirping by your bedroom’s window. instead of hearing their tuneful tweets, you had to endure endless phone calls every minute. you couldn’t remember much from that day because you passed out. and the team didn’t look for you until yesterday.

coach jung waved to catch your attention, only to be greeted with your huge yawn and a disinterested face.

“ah there she is! c’mon now, i got the green light from mrs. park. she agreed that p.e is the only subject you’re likely to fail this semester, so she’s giving you a cool-off from the team and focus on here.”

“yep. heard you coach.” you tied up your hair, only listening to half of what he said. “where’s the captain?”

kun did few stretches & jumps, his expression mirrored the other two boys who were also doing the same. you had a feeling about this— their telepathic gaze and awkward silence. you took a basketball to pass it to ten. “is he still mad about me calling him a jerk? that was a few days ago and i didn’t expect him to be that sensitive.”

they laughed because they couldn’t deny his obvious trait. “he doesn’t show it but somehow you know he is.” ten passed the ball back to you. “but not this morning y/n. he’s late for.. another reason.”

you hopped to catch it yet you were a second late, and groaned as you had to run far to retrieve it. “uh-huh. nature calls in the morning, again?” you yelled.

“do you think she knows about jaehyun?” jungwoo asked the older ones. they eyed you rummaging in the bushes for the ball, later looking back at each other for answers, but no one knew how your mind worked. “it’s been five days and no word from her at all.”

“if she actually does, i guess she just doesn’t want to be involved? i think we can trust her for that.” kun drank from his bottle.

ten didn’t look convinced. “involved or not, we have to make sure she doesn’t tell anyone about jaehyun’s curse. keep an eye on her-”

“ah!” they heard your squeals and ruffles from the bushes. “guys look what i found!”

kun sighed when they saw you running back with a golden retriever puppy in your arms, taking back his words said earlier.

“uh-oh. that scream means she has no clue at all.” jungwoo brushed his hair up.

“this puppy is so cute! i wonder what it’s doing here? are you lost?” you hugged and sniffed into its fur and gosh it smelled like vanilla shampoo. there was a metal collar around its neck, the piece spelled “jj”. “aww it has a name!”

no matter how happy you looked from the boys, they couldn’t help but take a photo of you and ‘puppy’ jaehyun. they had to tell you before it was too late. the golden hour in the morning was shorter than sunset, so either they would tell you straight up, or let jaehyun transform back to human.

but guess what? they were too late. they shouldn’t have second-guessed.

what had happened was way beyond your comprehension. it was in an instant. all it felt in totality was that, you weren’t carrying a puppy anymore. you lost balance and the weight in your arms doubled or tripled, you couldn’t tell. but you knew you were falling backwards. was there to brace for impact? none.

you blinked several times from the orange sunrise blinding your vision from the window. slowly you got up to sit and soothe the pain. that hurt..

here’s the thing. remember you mentally told yourself you hoped you didn’t run into any naked boy in the basketball team’s showers? there you have it. you jinxed it. jaehyun’s figure was on top of yours and you knew he had no clothes on. oh goodness.

“hyung? you forgot your lunch box- oh.” sungchan barged in the scene and everyone could tell he sort of malfunctioned. he froze then facepalmed.

you took turns into looking at the embarrassed jaehyun and at the boys who whistled to avoid the numbers of questions you were going to ask.

kun quickly shielded your eyes where your doubts were showing in your face. and no matter how much thought hard, you just couldn’t believe it. with fear written all over you, you dusted your pants and hands reached kun’s arm to support your weight.

“oh so you shielded her eyes but not my body?!” jaehyun’s voice entered your ears and you swore there was a hint of puppy whimper.

“this is a dream.. right?..” you asked before you fainted.

sungchan managed to save you from the fall. “whoa! ah, i had a feeling something like this would happen.”

—

“was she always like that?” minnie took a peep of your classroom, her eyes showed confusion. “is she tired?”

lisa shrugged and in her innocence she pursed her lips. “i don’t know. she’s been sighing a lot for the past hour? i wanna ask her but it might be too personal.”

you could her them and they were wrong. it was nothing personal at all. you’ve been sighing because you didn’t know how it was possible but it just happened— right before your eyes. since then you hoped that science could explain but not even the smartest people could give you a conclusion. you’ve been called out from lessons that came in the day and not that you didn’t blame jaehyun.

because for one thing, he at least told you the truth and the answer to your question as to why he had to make you leave that day. you propped your chin on your palms from jaehyun’s warning: “tell anyone i swear i’ll make you run a hundred laps with no water breaks.”

but the other thing? he was naked. and that’s not something you could erase in your memories overnight.

you let out a small whine that led to minnie and lisa copying your position, obviously making fun of you. “seriously, not a good time.” you laid on the table and hid from them. “don’t ask me anything.”

minnie and lisa looked at each other as you were being unreasonable and already gotten them curious with your remark. they both grabbed each of your arm, tugging on your sleeves where they begged nonstop for you tell them what had happened. they knew it was about the basketball team.

since you started to train and be with them, you’ve never complained. because if you did, coach jung would add another exercise for you, in which you knew you couldn’t handle. broken bones and sore muscles awaited for you. so you chose not to utter a single sigh, but you were careless just now and there was no escaping from these best friends of yours.

“c’mon y/n! tell us the deets! you sighing could only mean one thing.. did someone confess to you?” minnie closed her eyes and a wide smile suddenly became shrieks of laughter when you facepalmed. “oh who in the basketball team confessed?” she singsonged.

it’s not really a confession, jaehyun being a golden puppy is a secret that was never meant to be revealed but i happened to see him transform-

“what if it’s not a guy? maybe two? or three? oh gosh this is like a reverse harem anime-” lisa began to hype an awful assumption but you covered her lips. and plus? her voice was loud and how embarrassing it would be when the rest of the class heard it.

you were already restless at their energy. “none you idiots. i was sighing because i didn’t know that people with dimples would be that attractive.” you tried to divert the topic.

“pfft you’re talking about jung jaehyun?” lisa raised her brows and grinned teasingly to get a reaction from you.

“no, i’m taking about coach jung.” you hit her arm.

“but jaehyun’s his carbon copy, so you’re basically saying he’s handsome too.” minnie quickly rebutted.

“i mean, coach’s the original face so he’s definitely more handsome-” you paused. shoot they nearly got you to a corner. “wait- why are we talking about this? i thought we’re talking about me.”

“ah you were paying attention to our conversation?” minnie’s eyes grew.

“you’re not telling us anything dimwit.” lisa hit you back.

couple of squeals echoed the corridor and your classroom door crowded with people. apparently jaehyun stood by the door frame and scanned the room looking for you. when he spotted you, his face bubbled up and literally glided his way to your seat. you could tell he was slightly fuming, but you didn’t know what reason. “y/f/n! come here for a second!” he grabbed your wrists and pulled you up from your chair.

you tried to catch up with his pace as he continued to pull you. “let me go!”

jaehyun did in fact let go of you, but he instead led you to hit your back against numerous lockers. the squeals didn’t stop there and how that you were the centre of attention amongst all of the students, you had endure this for a little while. he was staring into your soul, eyes piercing that could strain yours, you knew he was pissed about something.

he slammed his forearms at the space right above your head, then the screams of giddy began to grow louder. you managed to see your friends at the far end of the corridor. they were smiling and lisa mouthed ‘kabedon’, making you flustered than you already were. “what do you want?” you asked.

“i thought i made myself clear?” jaehyun smirked as he felt you quiver against his skin. he leaned lower that his whispers tickled your ear. “did you tell anyone? your friends?”

“i’m not gonna risk my health for some dumb secret.” you rolled your eyes and crossed arms.

“please it’s not like our training puts your life on jeopardy-” jaehyun butted back.

“it’s safe with me. if there’s anything you’re worried about, just look at your fanbase. you’re making them sad.” you sighed, walking away and through the girls who has been following jaehyun around.

jaehyun exhaled at a rather slow pace. he liked your reaction and was aware of their presence. and in order to shoo them away, he had to do what he did. he just hoped you’d notice that too. “see you after school!” he yelled.

you briefly stopped in your tracks at his greet, you continued walking and pulled your girls away from the scene. you didn’t pay any attention, but you knew they couldn’t contain their smiles appearing on their faces.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the bags full of foldable cones fell to the floor. the rest of the team turned to your direction, who already made mistakes on the first day of camp. they knew that you were obviously flabbergasted with your encounter. it was funny that you managed to stride your way so quickly towards jungwoo— he was very much entertained with your expression. “i know right? that was me earlier.” he stroked the large pup.

“h-how did puppy grow so big? that’s an adult sized dog! you stuttered but hiding your love for golden retrievers just wasn’t possible. there were times you forgot that this was actually jaehyun. “it’s only been a week.”

“yeah i’d like to know the reason too.”

suddenly you heard jaehyun’s voice. it felt like he was close to your ears again, but he wasn’t anywhere near you.

remains of memories probably were still in you head. you wouldn’t say you were traumatised, just surprised. why the hell am i hearing his voice? you shook the thought off at first but then again-

oi y/n. beside you. i’m talking to you!

what?

you gasped and fell on your butt. the pup’s ears were on alert and you knew he was hearing you too. “you can hear me?” jaehyun’s dog form practically towered on your fallen self. you avoided his look although the pup was so cute. his paws poked your shoulders, whiskers twitching as he waited for your response. “don’t look away! you can hear me right??”

all the guys could see was jaehyun staring down at you. and while you did the same, your knitted brows only meant something was definitely going on. they wanted to know. “what’s wrong y/n?”

your lips shook in heavens knows it was fear. “you’re asking me what’s wrong? why can i hear jaehyun? can you hear jaehyun? oh my g- this is really really weird-”

“you can?” they scooted closer to you, very much intrigued with your gift.

“and you all can’t?” you pushed jaehyun away for his body was weighing you down. he whimpered and got up to sit in front of the boys too.

they shook their heads vigorously. “only sungchan and coach were able to hear him.” kun stated, typing on his cellphone to inform his family.

“y/n! let’s talk when i transform back!” jaehyun’s paws kept poking you again. you glared at him with a loud hiss. his ears were alert, he didn’t realise that he was clawing you already, and turned a few rounds before he was laying like a bagel-shaped position.

jaehyun thought it was pretty strange. never in his life were there any people who could actually converse with him telepathically. other than his family, you were the first and he was determined to find out why this impossibility was made possible. there was a spark of hope forming in his heart at this sudden revelation. the glow from the orange light then shone above your head, marking the end of sunrise.

you looked at jaehyun’s dog form, it was- correction, he was.. quiet, and was still staring at you as if you were his master. he laid on this front legs, snout on the ground. huh, he can actually be behaved. footsteps were closing in. at the distance, coach jung walked with lisa and minnie, who were in their cheerleading uniforms. right, you forgot that they were also included in the annual athletes camp.

for a moment you panicked because you knew jaehyun would transform back from being a dog. ten and rest knew more people shouldn’t know about jaehyun’s curse. they were glad you read the atmosphere too. seeing jaehyun’s jersey in his duffel bag, you grabbed it and wore it on the animal.

coach jung made eye contact to your direction. he diverted the girls’ attention, and led them away from the basketball court. they headed towards the storage to “retrieve” some equipment.

jaehyun grunted and growled, his fangs tried to bite your skin. however, goldens were known for having a soft jaw, so his bites weren’t that painful. when you finally managed to put the jersey on him, jungwoo couldn’t catch up. “why let him wear the jersey?” he questioned.

“so he wouldn’t transform back naked when lisa and minnie arrives.” you pointed out the obvious.

ten held his laugh in. you recognised this tone, and prepared what came after. “heh..” he trailed off. “is it because you want to keep jaehyun to yourself?”

you continuously threw random items at him as heat spread to your cheeks. “screw you!” you scoffed. “get jaehyun to wear his pants. i have to pack a lot of things before we head onto the bus.”

“yes ma’am.” ten nudged your shoulder. “i’m kidding y/n. don’t take my jokes seriously.“

“it’s fine.” you picked up the fallen cones. “you’re worried about people knowing his curse. so i’m just doing my part to keep it secret.”

he pursed his lips and his heart softened at your willingness to help. “hm, i guess i can trust you after all.” ten opened the bag to help you pack. “oh! and also, jae in his dog form already is naked anyway.”

“you think i’m not aware of that?” you rolled your eyes.

your friends already have settled themselves inside the coach bus and you were seated in between them. now they would get to witness you with the team and hoped for a budding romance with any of the boys. you lowered your face under a cap to pretend you were sleeping, but in reality you just wanted to avoid lisa and minnie’s bombardment.

few rows at front, jaehyun stared by the window, deep in thought. rarely spoke a word since they started their journey to the retreat campsite. why was his hunch telling him to get closer to you? why could you hear him and he could hear you? he slightly turned to his side between the gaps of two seats. seeing you giggling with your friends had him rethinking if what happened earlier was just his imagination. he wondered why you purposely ignore him after he transformed back.

he slid lower from his seat. “i’d understand if this was a soulmate thing, but it’s not.” jaehyun sighed heavily where he broke the silence and supposedly ending the conversation earlier. now that he wanted to talk about it, his friends were still up for the news.

“oh yeah. those things are going on. except it only happens to some people.” kun popped a chip in his mouth.

“i just don’t get it. dad told me that never occurred to anyone with this curse.” he stole the bag of chips from the younger one to relieve his emotions.

jungwoo’s pursed his lip in wonder. “maybe the curse in another light has its own blessing? maybe you guys are soulmates?”

“nah, impossible.” they all said simultaneously.

“it’s a possibility-” jungwoo’s face soured where wrinkles appeared on the sides as the boys flared at him.

jaehyun shrugged not knowing what to say. his friends have bizarre ideas throughout the journey, and he wouldn’t say they were wrong either. all he could do was to wait until the next transformation. maybe you would say your thoughts about it through telepathy.

he would know if time passed quickly when he didn’t pay attention to anyone. one of them was the number of times you waved in front of his face to snap him back to earth. “jaehyun?” you laid on the ground and called out, panting to catch air after your successful reps. you tugged the ends of his track pants.

“hm?” he hummed, looking for your voice until he got annoyed with your repetitive pulls of his clothes. “ah stop that. i have to report your record to coach. come with?”

“do i really have to?” you whined. “i could barely stand, my legs are wobbly and i’m hungry.”

jaehyun rolled his eyes and took your hand, pulling you up on your toes. “then let’s grab something to eat on our way to the camp, hm?”

you gulped at the sudden gesture, even more so when you noticed your heart beating faster around him. somehow your sixth sense told you your friends were somewhere in the woods looking at you, and you were right.

minnie had her binoculars by her eyes as you and jaehyun headed in another direction back to everyone else were. she held in her excitement with a huge inhale. out of curiosity lisa stole the binoculars from her. a growing smile showed her pearly whites when within its frame, jaehyun was pushing you from the back before he took your hand again because of how slow you were. “min, consider your reverse harem dream for y/n over. we found her leading man.”

—

“few more reps y/n! do it properly this time?”

jaehyun rubbed his face, raising his tone in question of your athleticism. it was the second and final day of your assessments. your core should be able to get used to the pressure if you’ve done the reps for two straight days. so as of today you salute to all people who persevered and with great stamina. you just.. weren’t that person.

you’ve grown conscious now that jaehyun’s friends were watching a few metres away. you’d prefer kun counting and timing your exercises over him. in contrast, kun’s a little more understanding than the hotheaded jaehyun. “if i say i can’t, shouldn’t you consider stopping here? it’s the last one anyway so put random number on the blank or something.” you struggled to lift yourself up from the ground, arms in an ‘x’ position over your torso.

“is that so? then you wouldn’t mind if i write ‘0’ for the final count?” jaehyun checked the stopwatch while his knees put enough weight on your feet. “at least do five more?” he sat on the soles of his shoes.

“ugh! fine!” you tsked and did sit ups slowly, eyes shut closed.

jaehyun smirked with how determined you were in finishing. and he has gotta credit you for having the last brain cell to endure his overly playful bossiness and plans up his sleeves.

but even his friends has something up in their sleeves. they whispered to each other and nodded heads as excitement already boosted their anticipation. ten cupped his mouth then giving the raised brows as signal to start. “y/n! jaehyun’s recording your expression with his phone!” ten yelled.

jungwoo’s mouth widened and followed along. “jae! there’s a bee behind you!”

“what?!”

“where?!”

the moment you froze and opened your eyes after bringing yourself up, and jaehyun leaned forwards to avoid the insect, was way too hilarious for the guys to see. both of your faces were centimetres away from each other and jaehyun’s ears already tinted pink. jaehyun already found it awkward to help you for three days, but he never prepared himself for something like this.

as his friends bursting out laughing, that was when he realised it was all their plan. you were still too close to him, so he cleared his throat to cut the gap between. “is that a pimple on your nose?” he asked, only for his nose to be smacked and soon be numbed. “agh!”

what the- “jerk! don’t point it out!” you kicked him and rolled sideways to stand up, angrily leaving the area with the sheet in your hands. “i’ll give this to the coach!”

jaehyun held his nose and walked back to the guys, who were still laughing their butts off and rolling on the ground. “you can stop now.”

“oh that was funny! it was like a typical ‘ba-dump’ scene in a rom-com!” jungwoo wiped a tear.

“should’ve recorded it!” kun threw his head back while his hand rested on his heaving chest.

“no worries! at least it’s recorded in jaehyun’s mind!” ten cheered with closed fists.

“it’s embarrassing!” jaehyun threw his towel.

bonfires were mandatory at the start and end of the camp. however, because of your assessment, coach jung had negotiate with the other members of the basketball to get to the campsite a day before the other teams actually arrived at night. so for the kun and the rest, they had a little more free time than jaehyun. and him being the coach’s son.. he didn’t have the same benefits. he was stuck with you because he had to keep an eye on you while

he thought being with you would only be for the first two days, then he would go for his training. and yet here you were, sitting beside him in front of the bonfire while everyone else arrived and other danced to their hearts’ content. maybe he could ask you about the telepathy thing? but figuring you were cranky from earlier, he held back.

“can i ask more about your curse? if it’s okay with you to tell me.”

jaehyun nodded, you had the right to. not because you accidentally picked a random puppy then saw him naked few moments later. you could hear him in your head, and that was enough reason to tell you rather than a general information about it. “yeah. i’m okay with it.”

“you said your ancestors had the curse too. was there any specific reason why they had to suffer that your family and you had to be the..” you paused for a while. jaehyun was waiting for your next words, you guessed it was alright to say it. “..collateral damage?”

“right. i didn’t tell you more of it yeah?” he sniffed from the chilly night. “i don’t know how far back in the years it happened. but they said the head of the family casted out his wife because he assumed he cheated on him. he was the only person the wife ever treasured, so when she was accused, she took his pet and killed it. the head found out, he cursed her that her descendants turn into animals. and we’re the descendants of that woman.”

“that’s awful.” you cleared your throat. “i’m sorry you have to suffer the curse.”

“you don’t have to be. i’m just trying to cope with it.” jaehyun chuckled. “how awesome would it be if there was a way to reverse everything.”

“gotta find the blessing then.” you laid on the grass.

jaehyun’s face wrinkled in disgust. “okay you sound like jungwoo.”

“at least appreciate me for trying to lift your spirits up.”

he hummed in agreement.

“or you can just.. let the blessing find you.” you singsonged as you realised how corny you actually sounded.

“fine, and if it’s you?” he had to give a hint of the telepathic communication.

“because i can hear you when you’re in your retriever form? i’m not exactly a blessing but yeah i’d like to know how telapthy works too.” you stared back at the bonfire, flames flickering as the smoke flew in the air. as of tonight, you wanted to be that person who’d be the igniter of that hope he held on. “if i could help out a little, i’ll be happy to help.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

lisa and minnie stared at you, both had their palms under their chins as if their silence asked you to talk. “i can’t eat when the two of you are like this. it’s very disturbing.” you gripped on your fork, hesitant to eat as you took glances between the food and them.

you knew what they were going to ask. not like you didn’t want to share, it was just that you knew them well enough that they wouldn’t stop once they start. the food was getting cold every second passed, due to the wind outdoors, it was more vulnerable. lisa stretched her elbows while holding her poms to be noticed. five days have gone by and even though you were rarely with them in all those days, she had to ensure you’d tell them about the basketball team and your leading man— although you had no idea about that.

“any updates?” she raised her brows.

“nothing is happening with me or anyone in the team, if that’s what you both wanted to know.” you sighed. “i’m just simply taking down minutes.” you said sternly, kind of regret that you answered her and swirled the noodles with your fork.

“are you sure? twelve members should be enough for that.” minnie tied her shoelaces and bent down with a pressed smile when you pout. she softened her gaze when you were telling the truth and that their teasing should stop there. but they knew that the team should know something about you.

“they’re divided into teams. some did the score board while others practiced on their own. of course i have to be the one- why are you pulling my arm?” you asked and eyed them as if they stained your clothes.

lisa twirled on her toes and posed with her arm rested on her waist. “you’re being quiet again.”

“i’m not?” you said monotonously while you munched on your food.

she sighed and grabbed your chin. “you don’t look at me when you’re lying.” she hummed, yet you didn’t respond. “what’s up y/n? something’s on your mind i can tell.”

in fact a lot of things were.

so far in the week, you’ve helped jaehyun theorise solutions to end his curse after practice. not only for him, but his family and extended family too. some have passed not having to enjoy their lives, while others chose to hide themselves from the world. and a small percentage of the family tree actually tried to live through it— that was jaehyun’s family. coach jung was as determined as jaehyun to put a stop into this curse.

not only that thought alone. to you, jaehyun has been rather noticeable. even if you weren’t thinking of him, he’d appear out of nowhere— during your breaks, on your night-walks alone or even heading to the toilet. you’d always bump into him and his presence seemed to be marked in your consciousness now. not that you liked him around, it was just captain was more friendly than others made him out to be. “really, it’s nothing.”

to say that jaehyun didn’t feel same was definitely an understatement. since the start of the freshman year, he knew you were the loud girl with the two hot cheerleaders, but always wondered why you’ve never joined the team. sometimes he would catch you sitting at one corner, dancing along with the routines aside from cheering your friends on as he was heading to practice.

now he took a peek of you eating alone while lisa and minnie showed off their new uniforms. he was about to call you out to help the team, but the girls pulling you almost immediately once you were done had him holding back. “chaeyeon will be arriving soon, and remember the dare was to wear our uniform.” minnie giggled while you begged her to stop, to the point you nearly cried thinking about it. “you agreed to it-”

“i didn’t agree to it! you agreed for me! i had no say!”

jaehyun’s eyes widened at the thought of you in uniform. your yells were getting louder and pitchier. should he be your knight and shining armour? probably not. he’d like to have something to tease you about. for a moment there was silence, he hid behind the corner of a storage building. you were still telling your friends to stop doing what they were doing. but it was two against one, and he knew you were at the losing end.

the door slammed open, your huffs and puffs getting heavier and closer to where he was. jaehyun’s heart beat so fast that when he finally decided to call out your name, you bumped into him and he caught you to prevent you from falling. “i was about to fetch you, manager.”

you felt heat spread your entire cheek because of the attire you were forced to wear. “well you did and i’m here. can we go? my friends are giving me the stares.”

“fiesty, but i think you look alright.” he chuckled when you grumpily walked ahead. jaehyun followed you from behind with his hands in pockets.

what does he mean by that?

lisa and minnie pursed their lips, soon bursting into giddy squeals and continuously fanning each other from what they saw yet the second time. “he was really checking her out.” minnie laughed.

“his ears said it all.” lisa checked her watch on her wrist. “basketball team’s practice match is starting soon. wanna sit in?”

“girl you bet i will.”

even hours later you blew your baby fringes blocking your view. as you flipped the score board and whistles for a time-out echoed the outdoor gym, your friends could tell how uncomfortable you were but they’d do nothing to get more reactions from you. they liked that you entertained them. and what choice did you have? chaeyeon was already taking pictures of you in the uniform you despised wearing.

coach jung briefed the team information on their opponents this season. you wrote down important points, feeling the chill of the early sunset. you couldn’t wait to change into actual soft and comfy clothes, mosquitoes weren’t your friends.

jaehyun listened to his dad repeating the same points- mostly because he got the advice first before others. he heard you hiss several times, you were supposed to jot the notes down. then it got frequent. he tiptoed to see you opposite from him, shooing the bugs away. of course you were still wearing the cheer uniform. he didn’t want to draw attention, so he stealthy walked behind the guys and straight to you.

“trouble?” he asked.

“just a little chilly, that’s all. meeting’s nearly done yeah?” you hugged the file to your chest.

“say so if you’re cold.” he took his jacket off and draped it on your shoulder.

“and who am i to tell to?” your voice challenging him.

he hummed so low that it almost lulled you to sleep. “me. i’m not the captain for nothing.”

you were both busy talking that you and him weren’t aware of time nor anyone else close by. mind you that minnie and lisa were watching the whole thing. you managed to smile even if you were crossed with how you were dressed. like you enjoyed his company.

they couldn’t hear your conversation, nor were your lips were moving. but the body language they saw already proved and confirmed their assumption. they had to tell you. they went straight to you once the meeting was over, and pulled you aside whilst jaehyun was talking about his childhood.

jaehyun raised a brow and chuckled as you were being pulled away. his friends immediately surround him, bombarding him with questions that he wasn’t paying attention to the meeting. “dude, your time’s near.” ten smacked him on the back.

“don’t make it sound like i’m dying, ten.” jaehyun rolled his eyes, but whenever he did, they were always fixated on you. he couldn’t shake off the feeling you were that something to solve the curse.

“be alert than be busted.” ten shrugged, head tilting to where you were. your friends were busy recording you and giggles filled the air. “how are you so calm now jae?”

jaehyun pursed his lips. “with her, there’s no way i’m calm at all.”

“okay now i can’t tell if that answer was from human jaehyun or doggy jaehyun.” jungwoo pointed out.

his friends all looked at each other, jaehyun wasn’t his usual self. it was as if he was dazed but was able to converse with them properly. slowly his naturally peach-like fuzzy cheeks grew more fur, his tail started to reveal. although they were quick enough to hide jaehyun, they didn’t realise the commotion that came afterwards and drew everyone’s attention.

you swifted your head at the boys’ yells and gathering circle, faintly hearing jaehyun’s refusal into whatever they got him into. “stop it! hey!” he hissed.

jungwoo, a little too excited of the drama going on, spotted you looking at them and gestured you to come over too. your friends built up a curiosity and went ahead of you. as for you, you were mentally tired to think of anything.

not until you heard kun’s wavering yet convincing words. “uh.. y’all wanna see magic?” he chuckled nervously as he knew what jaehyun would do to him after all this was over. “quickly because it’ll happen soon!”

you held in a laugh at jaehyun when he was forced to sit down on the grass to hide his tail. “i’ve been trying to master this for months and i thank jaehyun as my participant. who loves animals? give me a name.”

most hands were up and the answers were said at the same time. some didn’t believe him, but others have seen kun’s little magic tricks over the days. so something of a huge scale like this already got them curious than ever.

“ah i hear great ones but i’ll choose dog. now i’ll turn jaehyun into a golden retriever.” he draped a blanket above his friend.

ten and jungwoo bit their lips to contain themselves, holding onto each other as they filmed this once-in-a-lifetime event. the circle enlarged in scale with the poor lad at the center and the golden hour shone over everyone.

“in 3.. 2.. 1..” kun only snapped his fingers then the blanket shrunk in size. your schoolmates were convinced that something was actually happening.

and it was amusing because you were able to hear jaehyun swearing so much in your head.

you let out a giggle. jaehyun was soon surrounded by everyone who wanted to pet him. even your friends went over to the animal. “at least pretend to be happy for them. goldens are known for being clowns.” you told him.

*sighs* “tell kun i’m gonna kill him.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the silence was all jaehyun ever wanted after the shock he had to go through from kun’s improv few days ago. he’d be thankful for a moment because he actually forgot the gideon hour at the time, but he would soon later be clouded with annoyance that he should’ve been informed beforehand of his actions— not only kun, the others included. they’ve got a part in this too.

his friends seated side by side with bruises and bandages on their faces, jaehyun still giving them the silent treatment. he was cranky about that, yet even more so when there was no progress into finding a solution to his curse. “jae. we said we’re sorry.” jungwoo apologised and felt that he was the only one giving effort to talk to jaehyun compared to kun and ten.

“and i said it’s fine. so stop saying that before i actually don’t forgive you.” jaehyun pressed the bridge of his nose.

after walking up the slope to the cabin with heaves of breaths, you managed to hear their conversation before opening the door. “i refilled your bottles.” you threw them on a duffle bag, not caring whether either of them rolled away. “i have to apologise too, jaehyun. i haven’t come up with anything to help you.” true enough because you couldn’t think straight or have the energy to use your remaining brain cells for that matter.

“ugh it’s fine. i’m not in a rush or anything. not even assigning you to solve within the duration of the camp.” jaehyun squeezed the bottle as thirst continued to drive him crazy, the heat as well, so he removed his tshirt. you averted your gaze and looked elsewhere. maybe you were still a little bothered seeing him half naked after the incident?

ten sought the opportunity and decided to fan the flame even more. “why look away when you’ve seen him already?”

he managed to dodge your hits and you turned around embarrassed. jaehyun could see you fanning yourself from the heat. “it was an accident!” you cleared your throat.

“gah i’m tired. we’re done with practice. we get a day off tomorrow, so can’t we watch a movie? who has disney plus?” jungwoo wiped himself with a towel.

“i do.” kun brought out his ipad. “what do you wanna watch?”

“i haven’t watched that one.”

“beauty and the beast?”

“o-kay, i’ll be going now.” you yawned as you began to feel the exhaustion take over your body. “see you tomorrow.”

the door closed and suddenly you remembered a funny memory last halloween when taeil dressed himself as belle. he blended in with the other ladies that you didn’t realise it was him. either it was the wig’s work or just taeil in general. you found it funny when a bunch of young teens become children again as disney’s mentioned.

your phone vibrated with your friends asking to help them out with their practice. “i came to the camp for the basketball team, not you two.” you left a voice mail. all you wanted was to rest up today. not until a certain realisation hit you hard.

because what if?

it hasn’t been that long since you left the cabin when the boys jolted from their positions. their peace and concentration on the movie already ruined by you. “oh my goodness i think i got it?” you slammed the door.

jaehyun sat up and set his phone aside. “you’re saying it a question rather than a discovery. not convinced.”

“will you be when i tell you if it’s based on that movie?” you pointed at the tablet.

he trailed his eyes to the screen then back at you, a more confused expression on his face. “you expect me to find someone to love me so my curse will be lifted?”

“pfft nah kidding, you don’t seem that loveable anyway.” you stole a lollipop from ten. “okay bye for reals.”

as the door closed, ten unwrapped another lollipop. “bet you he’s thinking of his potential ‘belle’.” ten nudged the boys.

“shut up. i’m not going to base my life on a fictional movie.”

“but it could be y/n. i mean she can hear you.” jungwoo paused the film.

“it’s not going to be her and it doesn’t prove anything.”

jaehyun thought a lot for two things— you keeping his hopes up, the other was you setting his heart in a frenzy and he always hated that feeling. he groaned and dragged himself to bed to place a towel over his face. sure he’ll hold on to that idea you came up with for now. however it didn’t prove on telepathy.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

your heart missed a beat when jaehyun waited for you in front of the cabin you stayed at. he thought you bumping into his torso wasn’t a good way to greet in the morning, whereas you feeling some fur on his tshirt as greeting was any different. jaehyun handed you a file and a little note from coach.

while you read it, you could sense jaehyun was staring, like he had something to say. he retracted his lips when your friends appeared behind you with grins annoyingly appearing on their faces. “make it quick captain. we have things to discuss with y/n.”

“yeah sure. i just dropped by to pass this to you. coach said to make copies. i’ll come back after you’re done with breakfast.” he cleared his throat and announced his leave.

“hm. fishy. he could’ve just left it here outside but he seems like he waited for you.” lisa drank from her cup as you all sat and ate breakfast together.

“right? it’s been days he acted that way!” minnie walked back to the table. “he’s indeed a gentleman, but there are times he’s very hard to approach.”

you unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. “anyway, what is it you guys wanna talk about?”

“lisa will go first. she couldn’t wait.” minnie giggled.

lisa laid out series of pictures of nature she recently took and were indeed beautiful. “oh my goodness they look amazing!” you sat up. “as expected from someone in the photography club. i bet if you submit these to johnny he’ll regret putting you as backup-”

“really?! i took advantage of the retreat and i made sure they were pretty!” lisa interrupted you and placed more pictures down. “these are my favourite! i’m thinking of sending these to johnny instead!”

however your face turned sullen at the next pictures. they were blurry and almost gone, but it was definitely jaehyun at the background, each one showed he was transforming from human to dog. you paused and your heart did the same.

the silence got longer, you knew you had to speak up, but no words came out. “what��s wrong y/n?”

“you can’t submit these to johnny.” you brushed the first batch of pictures aside and bind latest pictures together.

“why not? you supported the rest of them! how could these be not good enough?” lisa’s voice changed in an instant, like you’ve taken away her pride. she sat back with folded arms, her behaviour scared you a little.

minnie slightly wiggled your hand. “hey, are you hearing to yourself y/n?”

“sorry, i know i sound stupid-”

“you are!” lisa huffed where her cheeks blew up. it was cute though.

“but you have to hear me out.” one thing was for sure, your stress levels shot up high if word gets to jaehyun. you had to prepare for the consequences.

“okay, so why can’t i submit them?” lisa sighed.

you held her hand. “it would be alright to, only if these are not in the background.” you said, pointing out a figure at the background of the subject. it all became clear as day to them when they looked closely. “did jaehyun just.. transformed?”

you were surprised with how quick they were able to catch on. as much as you wanted to protect jaehyun’s family curse, things would’ve turn for worst if someone else had noticed it. i’m sorry jaehyun, this is for your own good.

“we believed kun’s ability of illusion and his magic tricks. ten sent us a video of it and it didn’t really occurred to us that the golden was actually jaehyun.” minnie pursed her lips. “if you think about it, he does look like a golden.”

“how is this possible?” lisa asked with a growing smile, but refrained since transforming twice everyday was nothing good anyway.

“i found about his family curse accidentally. he turns into a dog when it’s golden hour, like sunrise and sunset.” you propped on your elbows.

“it’s a curse? poor lad.” minnie gasped.

a rather sad nod caught them off guard. “the coach signed me up to join this retreat. it’s not only for my missed p.e assessments but it was to keep his curse a secret. a-and now that you know, i’ll be damned if word gets to him. so you have to promise me you both don’t say or do anything..“ you sounded as if you begged. that was how much your the friendship you have with jaehyun meant to you.

“and yeah, that’s my answer. the magic trick was just a cover up to hide jaehyun’s dog form.” they listened and were surprised to hear you like this.

your fidgety hands and nervous breathing was too obvious. if jaehyun was just a friend, you wouldn’t act as if he was your- “oh no.” you slumped down on your arms. “why did i..” you mumbled as your feelings for him became clearer to you.

“oh my gosh. you like him! you like jaehyun!” lisa covered her mouth and changed the lingering negative atmosphere.

ba-dump. i..

“then that means your love for golden retrievers doubled!” minnie hugged you.

“no! it’s b-because you’re putting m-me in the spotlight-” you stuttered when they leaned towards you. “i’m gonna go.”

jaehyun flinched even though he was at a distance. your friends were yelling quite excitingly. you were being chased by them and although it was inaudible. he answered his phone as it was ringing for a while. “what, ten?”

“don’t ‘what’ me!” jaehyun tilted his head from his friend’s volume. “jae where are you?”

“i’m at y/n’s cabin and on my way bac-”

“nevermind that. i can see you.”

ten rushed towards him and looked at the cabin. “where’s lisa?” he squinted his eyes.

“just her and minnie chasing y/n out. i don’t know how but they left the door open. what are you doing here anyway?”

he mimicked a photographer’s gesture and pointed at the cabin. “lisa told me her pictures have developed and i’m here to get them.”

jaehyun flicked his forehead. “and you could’ve asked me instead.”

“they’re confidential and i’m shy if anyone sees it.” ten walked to the cabin.

“gross. just get them and head back quickly.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you lost track of the days that have passed and there was an unsettling feeling that stayed in your chest. had it been two or three? you couldn’t remember. the basketball team’s practice matches and drills were normal. but there was a difference in air lingering around jaehyun. he still talked to you, kept the same gentle smile and was caring as usual. except whenever he did those, it seemed like he was distancing himself from you, creating an imaginary wall just to let you know your limits and boundaries.

you’d like to think it was because of the pressure coach has been giving him since the play-offs were close to date. but, it wasn’t all jaehyun who behaved that way. ten also distanced himself, his gaze pierced against your skull and thinking about it only caused you to have migraines. you were more scared of ten.

coach jung have asked you to help the cheerleading team, saying you’ve helped them enough. the amount of appreciation he had for you was too much, you couldn’t ask him about how jaehyun recently. yet this was all too sudden that your gut feeling told you otherwise. you planned to talk to jaehyun after the day ends. because in all honesty, something definitely happened.

and the boys left you out of it.

approaching jaehyun was harder than you thought. now you’ve realised it, he was always the one who took the initiative and you on the receiving end took the benefits of his kindness. it was supposed to be the other way around, so why were you taking advantage of this?

if having feelings for him was the reason for that, then you’re really stupid y/n. you laid on the grass in defeat from your thoughts and closed your eyes. you decided to have some peace and nature was your best friend in time like these. chirping birds and crashing riverbanks-

“jaehyun where are you?!”

ah crap. you twitched hard enough that swarms of goosebumps appeared on the majority of your skin. on your stomach, you hid behind the bushes to see jungwoo and the others struggling to find him. even at the mention of his name you were already feeling shy and flustered.

“is he skipping practice again?”

“ah whatever let’s just leave him.”

“i understand why he’s like that.”

“even i would feel hurt if i were him.”

a heavy and deep audible breath from their sudden entry was difficult to hide your response. you tried to leave as quiet as possible. not wanting to get caught, you had to move stealthily with few glides backwards on your knees, eyes glued to the boys’ actions if they looked elsewhere. when you felt something blocking the soles of your shoes, somehow you knew what it was.

“you’re blocking my way.” jaehyun’s irritated tone made your chest ache— in the most painful impact you never expected from him.

quickly you stood up and made sure you stayed out of sight from the boys. jaehyun scratched his temple at your awkward behaviour. he was already in front of you, why were you hesitating to ask him questions he left unanswered? jaehyun pulled a long face when you still remained silent. “if you’re not gonna speak when you clearly have something to say, do i really have to say it for you?”

what the hell is his problem? what’s with his tone? “yeah as a matter of fact i do. the thing is, i don’t understand why you’re being like this. you ignore me but still talk to me when i don’t help with the team anymore, and for some reason you’re mad at me?” you grimaced while leaning on a tree trunk.

there was cynism in jaehyun’s nods and the swirls of his tongue evident on his cheeks. you hated his attitude and all you wanted was an explanation. “whatever this is, i’ve got no reason for you to doubt me, jaehyun.”

“ah, really? ‘cause you just gave me one.” he fished out something from his pockets and as you watched, the item he was holding was too familiar and they were obviously not his. he flicked the sheets and that was when you confirmed they were the new pictures lisa developed.

why were they with him? at the pit of your stomach, a whirlwind of emotions and stressing pressure began, and you didn’t like the feeling at all. “what-”

he threw the pictures on the floor. “other than my family and friends you’re the only one who knows about my curse! and at some point you go against my back telling them to picture me when i’m left clueless?!”

right now you were really afraid jaehyun’s mood would attract attention.

you closed your eyes as he raised his voice. “look i have no idea how you got those but i promise you i had nothing to do with the picture-” you insisted and could feel your blood pressure rising.

“how- how could you betray me like this?!”

your heart fell and instead of feeling bad about him knowing, you felt your head ache with so much anger building up inside you. because jaehyun didn’t bother to listen or let you explain yourself.

“i found you in the background before lisa actually showed those to johnny! it would spread if she did! where’s the betrayal in that?!”

he stepped closer to you, your entire was itching to run away. “i don’t care! you still told your friends! you could’ve said another excuse like kun’s practicing his magic trick or something! you promised me my secret’s safe with you!”

that’s messed up. i did tell lisa and minnie but not because it was to mock him!

“kun was no where to be seen in the picture! what else can i do? lie to them? i know my friends more than you do and they won’t tell anyone!” you raised your voice as well.

jaehyun scoffed, rolling his eyes. “i don’t trust them!”

“well, i do! and you should trust me!” your tone wavering at all emotions hitting you at once. especially coming from him— the guy you developed feelings for.

“the moment you told them you broke my trust already! what else did you tell them, hm? my dad and brother having the curse too?” he brushed his hair in anger when your silence meant yes. “ugh is this really happening?! you told them everything!”

“okay that’s enough-” your vision blurring from the tears wanting to fall.

“i’m asking what else did you tell them?! dammit y/n what could be so important to you than my secret?!”

“well- i-”

“i what?!”

other than the secret, you knew what went after the reveal. then you realised the weight of your words, you couldn’t tell him that you actually like him. you wanted to be selfish this once. “i can’t.. tell you.”

jaehyun started to harbour more resentment towards your reasoning. he found it ridiculous of you to even continue with this conversation. ten already warned him that the secret wasn’t safe with you in the first place. the glimpse of hope faded when he thought you’d be the key, even if you were, trust was still important to him. it was the very thing his mother lacked and you doing so reminded him of it.

his expression darkened and you were afraid of him— excluding of how cruel he was with you on the exercise reps. you were afraid you just broken a promise and put your friendship on a rocky end.

“so that’s it? i’m begging you with my life on the line and you just gave me the most bullcrap answer!”

“you’re being unreasonable!” you yelled.

“shut up! you found about my curse so you should be the one compromising!”

“y/n!” lisa came running with a panicked face.

tsk, wrong timing. “not now.” you mouthed.

“have you seen my pictures?! i told ten to get them the other day but he got the wrong envelope! it’s the one with jae-” she bent down to catch her breath and was taken aback with jaehyun’s presence. “..hyun.”

the boys followed lisa and once they found their friend, you could tell ten’s stares that felt like daggers. he pulled jaehyun away but eyes still locked on you. “what happened?” lisa asked as you mirrored ten’s expression, but your friends could see the hurt in your eyes.

“he has the pictures. i think ten saw them and gave them to him. jaehyun’s mad, he thinks i betrayed him for telling you-”

“no that’s not it!” lisa held your hand and glared at the boys, especially ten, since he was her childhood friend. “you had every right to tell us because the pictures are my works-”

“shouldn’t have said anything further y/n! you should’ve gotten the pictures and told us instead of them! you promised, remember?” ten finally spoke up.

you rolled your eyes. “and what?! you’re like saying i should risk my friendship for his stupid secret!”

his friends turned heads to jaehyun to see his tight-knit brows and softening demeanour. jaehyun frowned and hurt was evident in his face. he was hurt by you, someone he developed feelings for in a short amount of time. “i believed it when you said you’ll help me. or were.. were all those just words to you?”

ah.. that came out wrong.

you bit your lips to say something, but they left so soon after, making your chest squeeze as if your lungs let out the last bits of oxygen from your body.

shortly over an hour, jungwoo watched his friend pace back and forth, nibbling on his nails when the tension grew in their cabin. “aren’t you too hard on her? you didn’t let y/n explain further-”

“i can’t believe her!” jaehyun crumpled the picture after looking at it. “how could she do this to me?!”

“honestly i just don’t think she’s that type of person to go behind someone’s back for her own entertainment.” kun spoke up and tilted his head, avoiding the cup that smashed on his side of his cheek. “perhaps you’re mistaken.”

jaehyun wasn’t in the right headspace whenever his past trauma was reminded or brought up, so no matter how much reason was given, he wouldn’t listen. “do i have to repeat it? she already had her fun when she told her friends to picture me!”

“your explanations are always so conclusive.” kun sighed.

“and your heart’s too soft as usual, kun! so back off!” jaehyun grabbed the older one’s shoulder and shoved him against the wall.

he released him soon after realising that he didn’t once listen to you, but he was too stubborn to take any more excuses. there was one thing he thought you were wrong— weren’t you risking your friendship with him by exposing his secret he kept so dearly? maybe distancing himself more than he did would clear his mind off from the mess.

—

when all sports teams lined up with their designated coach buses the days after, jaehyun slightly put his chin up to search for you in the crowd— in a subtle manner, since he still stood in his decision into having his space from you yet didn’t want it to be obvious to others that he cared for you still.

you knew he was staring from afar. it was a stupid misunderstanding, both of you were in the wrong, but he made you feel as if you carried the blame for this.

sure that was a given, that he would react worse than expected. you were going to take the pictures from lisa anyway, and the guys wouldn’t know that your friends knew. you didn’t expect you’d burst out of anger or that ten took them before you did and made the assumption. it still drove you mad, ten probably convinced jaehyun of your doing since he didn’t trust you at first.

that aside, you decided to ride the coach bus with the cheerleading team. “when we reach school, you can forget about the basketball team and camp. how dare they hurt you?” minnie hugged you as you stared out the window.

“if i had to weigh it, it’s not me who’s hurting. jaehyun is.” you sighed and pat her back. “how do i act if i bump to any of them? i’ll probably do something stupid again. at all cost, i’mma just- *sigh*”

“she’s talking about jaehyun right?”

“yeah she’s still not straightforward about him.”

“we know she likes him. she doesn’t have to hide it.”

“i can hear you both.” you lowered your hat to avoid their gaze.

jaehyun sat beside his father at the front for a change, playing with the blinds to cover sunlight. coach jung knew his silence more than anyone, even if jaehyun didn’t plan on telling him. “i’ve done what you told me to do. you didn’t want to see y/n after the fight. so? did it to any change?”

“no. i kept my distance and i’ll see if she’ll admit her mistake.” jaehyun adjusted the fan above him.

“jae, if only you saw her reaction when i told her to not come see the team. i know you’re smarter than this. you know it’s not all her fault.”

he clenched his palms hard. crescent moons soon showed themselves on the flesh. “where exactly in this is my fault, dad? have i not been patient to wait for curse to be broken? who said that y/n might have a contribution in this? it’s you, dad. i’m not holding any grudge against y/n. i’m just disappointed at her because she’s nothing i ever imagined her to be. goodness’ sake i even like her.” he mumbled at the last sentence, missing the point that his dad could hear it.

coach jung let out a short laugh at the remark. “not sure if you noticed, you haven’t seen y/n working hard at researching about our curse while you boys practiced. she’s always brainstorming at the possibilities, science or not, she’s always looking for ways. don’t let anger cloud you.” his father paused and had a pressed smile. “..don’t end up having small fights like me and your mother. you wouldn’t want it to be bigger than it already is.”

“yeah.. i know.”

you woke up with a thud and saw a rather prominent bump on your right temple through the reflection of the window. arriving at the campus grounds was quicker than you thought, despite being almost a half day journey. you overheard that the basketball team would stay there a little longer and you had to leave immediately because once everyone has gone home, you’d see him. you didn’t want to risk yourself from being spotted after you both fought.

it was a small matter now that you think about that day. stubbornness outweighed understanding in the two of you, and that resulted in immaturity. and if neither of you were willing to admit, might as well make the first move.

but you were stubborn as he was.

once the coach bus was nearing the parking area, the first and only thing you decide to do was get out of the vehicle and head straight home. you wouldn’t let your friends speak and looked at their bus. there sat jaehyun fiddling with the curtain. you then rushed out, covering your face from the basketball team as they too were getting off. “is that what she meant ‘at all costs’?” minnie facepalmed as she saw you walking away quickly.

“oh look, there’s y/n.” coach jung tapped the window to make jaehyun notice you. the way you behaved was weird for him, because it was too obvious you were avoiding getting seen.

“i don’t care.”

“it means you do.” his father messed his son’s hair. “okay, off you go. i’ll cancel the extra practice today and let all of you rest up during the weekend.”

jaehyun’s lips agape at his father’s last minute decision. he wore his cap and slung his bag. “if you’re doing this and expect i’d make up with her, you’ll regret ever cancelling practice.”

“ah c’mon. your old man is helping you out with a girl. can’t you tell what i’m doing, jae?” he laughed at his son’s reaction. he could see himself in jaehyun and knew things would get better.

“it won’t work dad.”

he rolled his eyes and went to where the bikes were parked. he kicked the stand at the rear wheel when his friends caught up to him with their own bikes. goodness why can’t they just leave me alone? “what do you want?” he stood a little to pedal ahead.

kun rode along beside him, eyes alternating at and on the road. “what now? you’re just going to pretend you didn’t see y/n? like nothing happened?”

“how can i ignore that when her figure’s so obvious and literally running away from here? i’m not going to do anything about-”

jungwoo then sighed heavily, causing jaehyun to knit brows. “she looked over our bus you dimwit! that means she thought of talking to you but held back because of-”

“i’ll talk to y/n in my own terms and in my own time! stop forcing me to do things when you think it would work well for me!” jaehyun pressed on the brakes with his palms.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

kun and jungwoo’s eyes followed your swirling fork and the silent air that had been going for half an hour. they thought knocking onto the doors of jaehyun’s closed heart was hard, never expected yours was harder. you wouldn’t say anything after they invited you, claiming they missed you around them.

because it had been two full semesters since then. from what the boys told you, jaehyun lost focus and couldn’t lead the team to the championships. he always fought with his father and would burst in anger, throwing unnecessary fits towards them even though they worked hard to reach the quarterfinals.

this behaviour would happen so often that it began to strain his relationships with everyone on the team. the transformation did a lot worse to his body, he’d get sick and weak, and for over months, he would not transform back immediately within the golden hour ended. it lasted longer. sometimes even the morning after.

it worried them that if jaehyun given up all hope and continued to act that way, the urge to find the solution would never take place. and that he would remain an animal forever. even so, you knew their intentions to invite you today despite feeling sad for jaehyun. and you prepared your answer before they could speak.

“y/n-”

“as much as i love to stay, i’m here to tell you you’ve wasted your efforts. if jaehyun won’t talk to me.. then i’ll just keep giving him space until he apologises first.” you were already losing appetite talking about it.

“and you think waiting game would pull off too, hm?” kun’s dimple deepened, a flat smile seen on the exterior.

you put down your fork. “i didn’t think we’ll last this long not talking-”

ten smirked in disbelief, you forgot he was there too. his presence was almost non-existent as he kept quiet the whole time. “keep it like that. you’re held accountable for making jaehyun the way he is now.”

“ten!” kun scowled at the guy. “i told you not to talk.”

you rolled your eyes that his words hurt more than the eye roll. “why is he here anyway? you said it’ll only be the two of you. unbelievable.”

“to see if you came up with a solution to lift jaehyun’s curse. looking at you now, i guess you didn’t.” he said and you tried your best to refrain yourself from hitting him. “were you mocking him when you suggested it might be the same answer as that disney film?”

“i said as a joke but it might be a possibility. we live in a world where people go through inexplainable experiences that science couldn’t dive in deep.” you sighed.

jungwoo tapped the table to stop the bickering you and ten were starting. “like my hunch says, maybe it’s another soulmate thing i’ve mentioned to you guys at the camp.”

“it’s not a soulmate thing, jungwoo.” kun and ten said simultaneously.

you brought out an a5 sized sealed envelope and the action alone made the boys stunned. “don’t open this. just give it to him. anyway, the sun’s setting. i really have to go.” you passed the item to kun.

it’s suffocating. i can’t stay here long. they saw how hesitating your limbs were, your eyes averting them and clearing your throat several times.

“ten, does this look like she didn’t do anything? this proves she’s trying.” kun took the envelope and hit it on ten’s head.

as you put on your coat whilst standing next to the table, ten sat back with arms crossed. “acting smart, aren’t you? you really think you’re the belle for jaehyun huh? i wouldn’t believe that for a second.”

“i didn’t say anything about me being the solution. i’m still keeping my promise to help him. and trust me, i don’t think i’m belle either.” you grabbed your bag and left, your food gone cold and jungwoo sighed at the air turning worse thanks to ten.

the cash money was placed on the table when kun called the waiter. “please keep the change.” he looked at your slouching figure by the bus stop across the restaurant. it screamed sadness and hurt all over.

the reason for suddenly leaving wasn’t because you were offended with what ten said. of course there was truth in his words. at some point you thought you were someone important to jaehyun, since you could hear him.

you thought you both were soulmates.

you left because you spotted a familiar figure standing by the door. haven’t been seeing him lately only made you feel angry at yourself. you were a coward, you even passed the envelope to the boys instead of giving it to jaehyun yourself. your friends already encouraged you about it, that that was the only thing to narrow the gap between you and jaehyun. it was to show that you were still supporting him.

why are you like this y/n? if you like him, you’d do anything to get his attention and forgiveness. why are you doing things to push him away, rather.. why are you forcing yourself to not care when you still do?

you continued to walk with your head low for another hour, troubled in your thoughts as they’ve been bothering you for many months. snap out of it y/n-

*tug*

*scratch*

the hems of your baggy jeans were pulled and torn with minimal, adorable force. it took you a while to process the animal before you. a blue bunny, what’s a bunny doing here- oh.

“sungchan?”

—

he rose from the bushes in front of their house. you stood there awkwardly while he figures to cover his body after the blue hour. “i’m sorry for asking you to bring me home. i get tired from hopping sometimes.” he grabbed a towel that he was hanging by the gate.

“no worries. i-i’ve seen- nevermind.” your voice softened at the latter.

sungchan pursed his lips to refrain himself from smiling since he was there and witnessed when it happened. “come in, i’ll make you some tea. it’s my way of thanks.”

although he was kinder than his brother, probably more mature, he was still young that you could see through his intentions. you knew he wanted some patching up done between you and jaehyun. you hesitated for a while, but since you were there already, might as well try to talk to him—

even if there was a slim chance of making things work.

you sat on the sofa, slightly still and awkward being in the residence. little sips, light breathing and the soft wind from the fan were only heard within the living area. “did my brother cause you a lot of trouble during the camp?” sungchan asked and knowing that you were silent, he knew jaehyun probably did. “how about now?”

“actually, i think i’m the one causing more trouble for him because i feel like i’m not doing anything to help when i said i would.” you sighed as he continued to listen.

“really? i heard from the others you’re helping so much that it changed my brother.. at the least he’s not cranky.” his nose twitched so adorably that you thought it was derived from being a bunny almost his whole life. “also, there’s that envelope-” he paused while realising how your expression caught him off guard.

maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned it, but he wanted you to know he wasn’t spying on you. he made that clear with his silence.

if he saw that back at the restaurant, that only meant he was there for quite some time. you let out a small smile that he was probably there not for you, but to wait for his brother’s friends. instead of bumping into them, he bumped into you.

“oh, that. it.. has a bunch of handwritten letters i’ve compiled when i struggled talking to jaehyun. i just felt that maybe it’s more sincere if i had to apologise.. y’know, eventually.”

he pursed his lips and nodded. “then why not put those words into actual words? like verbal words.” sungchan’s fingers pointed upwards, hinting that jaehyun was up in his room. “for all i know it’s the most sincere thing to do.”

crap, he’s not expressive but he’s so so mature for his age. it made you feel inferior for a moment.

“but before you do that, i have to tell you something that my dad and brother missed out about our curse. why jaehyun-hyung is more pressured than i am.”

(few minutes later)

you slid against the wall while sungchan went out to do grocery shopping. at the other side of the door, in between the thin gap, you could hear soft breathing; jaehyun was on his bed, sleeping in his dog form and it hurt you since time already passed both golden and blue hour, he should’ve transformed like his brother did. instead he laid there as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

meanwhile, jaehyun knew you entered his room. he pretended to be sleeping and expected he wouldn’t know how to act when he gets to face you. he decided to stay as he was.

until you pat then caressed his head.

he didn’t want to settle or give in for the fact you loved golden retrievers. he blamed on the shallow euphroria dogs easily feel. and because he was in his dog form, the anger he held for you disappeared. but at the same time, was your touch out of care or pity? he couldn’t figure it out. then he could hear the beats of your heart, and that made him sit up. your heart was fast. it was worrying. it was—

“why didn’t you tell me the whole story?” your voice wavered in heaving breaths as he finally looked you in the eye. his ears twitched and he faced the door, knowing that sungchan told everything.

jaehyun shook his body and whiskers moved before he telepathically answered you. “believe me i tried. i hate myself for being sensitive and i couldn’t bring to tell you because i got angry. but you have to know that i value trust more than anything.”

“you know what’s ironic?” you sighed, pressing your forehead as pain began to form. “you didn’t trust me first and and we fought because you didn’t do that. and you didn’t trust me enough that you only told me what, like 50 percent of it?”

of course he knew what you referred to.

he was going to tell you the day he visited your cottage at camp. but he didn’t get to, because ten told him news ahead of him that it ruined the purpose to talk to you. it wasn’t that he blamed him, it was due to the fact he wasn’t prepared for something like that. even for something like this.

because there was that prophecy weighing on his shoulders.

“sungchan said that it has to directly come from you, so you better tell me now before our friendship falls out.” you warned and leaned back against the headboard.

currently your friendship was on the line, wobbling on tight ropes. pushing you further away would do no good.

jaehyun sat and his paws were dignified into a comfortable position. his head laid on a cushion pillow, facing towards you. “fine. most of my family turns into wild animals, and they couldn’t control themselves in that other form. their wildlife instincts overpowers their thoughts.” he yawned.

“and it’s different for me and sungchan. when we were born, when we had our first full transformation, they were shocked to know we turn into domestic animals. we’re able to remember, think and live as if we’re still humans. at the end, it’s either of us to stop the curse.”

“so why did your brother mention that you’re the most pressured? why did it only have to be you?” this time you spoke, there was more depth into your feelings if you spoke. as sungchan said, verbally was more sincere. “you could share the burden with him.”

he sighed at the tone of your voice. “isn’t it obvious? the role is immediately passed onto me not because i’m the first born.. it’s because you suddenly could talk to me.. telepathically.”

“yeah and we couldn’t even figure that one out yet.” you scoffed remembering the times you’ve placed your efforts on that matter and now it had gone all to waste. all because you both had that fight.

he read through your eyes and sensed the intention from your words. plus he hated how you delivered it with that certain tone. “i didn’t bring this up just to blame you for my own satisfaction!” he groaned. “i brought it up so that i can apologise! i was wrong, okay?! i should’ve listened to you instead of carelessly listening to ten-”

you refrained yourself from showing any further hurt. recalling it would only make you cry. “well you were manipulated with ten’s assumptions. you believed him more than me. he had proof while i didn’t. i was in the losing end! not like i expected you to change your mind. so can we just.. get this overwith and tell me what the prophecy is?”

he was speechless for a while. you being straight-forward yet in a pained voice was too much for him. he was already softening his feelings for you and you had to tense it all up again. “‘only one could save those who lay under the curse, for they must be in the correct peace of mind and body to break it before it turns for worse.’”

“and the ‘worse’ means you won’t transform back anymore?” you asked, the prophecy already piercing your heart as you waited for more explanation.

“that and..” he trailed off. “..we lose our humanity too. we won’t remember anything. memories erased like a snap of the finger. and we’ll just be.. another animal.”

you pushed yourself to sit up as your heart clenched tight. “jaehyun! why say it now and not before?”

“because! what is there for you to do-”

you squished the dog’s into a wrinkly mess, to the point jaehyun couldn’t see anything. his paws tried to put your arms down, but even clawing was hard for him to do. then he felt you lean forward to hug him. “y/n? what’re you doing?” you didn’t answer.

crap, this is warm. it feels.. nice. embarrassed, he put his thoughts at the back of his mind. “are you doing this out of pity? do i look that helpless-”

what crossed his mind was that you thought he needed a hug and was the only thing you could do. but you proved him wrong, so, so wrong. and why didn’t he realise it sooner in his life?

“you have to treat yourself like someone you love!”

what?

“you have to fill yourself with it! have you been thinking half-heartedly or do things half-assed because you’re different from people? do you not realise there are people who loves you? you trust them so less that you’re not confident into breaking the curse! because you didn’t really try!”

he froze in his stance, like a bullet pierced through his chest with how true your point was. he didn’t know what love was when his mother left the family. he didn’t dare to open up with his dad and brother, not his friends as for so long he didn’t do that one important thing— trust.

jaehyun thought he did that. he had enough encouragement but only to the level of content. he didn’t expect more as what else was there for people cursed like his family? “why are you so worried or do this much for me?”

“because no one actually helped you!” your arms tightened around him. “your friends were occupied into thinking that protecting you and your curse from others was the safest thing to do. it’s not! it just gets you self-conscious, conceited and too comfortable to not to do anything at all!” everything you said knocked down the pillars of his pride. he wasn’t at all living in humility if his friends did ever help.

“y/n we’re nothing more than friends. how could you be pushing yourself onto my problems-”

“i’m one of the people, jaehyun. don’t you get it now? i l-”

as if the phone line got cut off, he couldn’t hear the rest. you appeared like a television who lost its voice, however, somehow he knew what came after that. he didn’t want to admit it, after spending time with you at camp, he realised his heart felt the same.

you were quick to catch on. the golden retriever just stared at you, you couldn’t hear him as well. not even telepathically. jaehyun laid back down, ignored you and went to sleep. you nudged him, he wouldn’t move. you felt a swarm of blame towards him. if only he told you earlier, he wouldn’t be in this state where he was just another dog. mostly you blamed yourself for not taking the initiative first to fix things. you went along with your anger and his waiting game.

where did it get you? to this.

the one second revelation he heard from you and then fell into slumber, he was standing in front of himself, before a mirror. a series of himself switching from human to animal throughout the years. the glass cracked over his face. as if he entered a new world, he had to prepare mentally for what was to come.

instead he awoke like he only passed out from exhaustion. to only see you hugging your legs, head down with soft sobs and hiccups, he reached out for you yet hesitated. he checked the time, the golden hour was to arrive.

“y/n.” he called out in a low voice.

“no.” you mumbled. “i shouldn’t be hearing him.”

“but you really are, though.”

you shot your head up, tears rolling down your cheeks when you felt his touch— his large palms holding yours. he transformed, you had many questions as you thought it was too late.

confused and tired, you stared at him blankly. processing the guy before you took a whole minute to realise jaehyun transformed back. “is.. is this a joke?” you coughed and rubbed your tears. “i saw you faint- i saw how you lost the light in your eyes- i saw-”

he’s blushing. his ears are red.

jaehyun pulled you into an embrace, he caressed your head as if he held a newborn. “the curse broke around the time i realised i lacked self-care. it was the same time you said it too.”

looking back, he didn’t treat himself right since the beginning. he realised he shouldn’t have looked for a solution or someone to love him. he was the someone he was looking for, and should’ve reflected on himself than to rely too much on others.

“you’re still hugging me.” you said, stopping his trail of thoughts. you pat his back quickly and he was holding you tight. “you’re squeezing the oxygen out of me.”

“can’t i hold you longer? you’ve been so helpful even when i pushed you away. now i don’t really want to let go.” jaehyun whispered. he never felt something like this before— this urge to love someone. “what if the curse comes back when you go away?”

you felt your head bursting with temperatures your body was experiencing now. “you really have to let go!” clearing your throat, you tried to shove him away.

“no. don’t be stubborn.”

“don’t be clingy, clingy!”

“you want me to hug you though.”

“i do but- wait no that’s not- i-”

he squeezed your face between his hands. “you love me, don’t you. and you said i’m not loveable.” he teased and goodness his dimples shot you at the heart. you kicked him in the chest yet he leaned forwards, closer than usual. “i can feel your veins beating crazily.”

ah for crying out loud! “jung jaehyun.” you called him with a stern and plain voice. “get off me.”

“tsk i said i wouldn’t-”

“jaehyun you’re naked.”

hm? he pulled himself away from you, looked down and covered his lower body. ah heavens- “i’m sorr-”

a thud was heard by the door. you both turned heads to sleepy sungchan dropping a parcel delivered to jaehyun while holding a toothbrush with his mouth and prominent bed hair. “uh bro, this is-”

“dad! i think hyung’s in his mating season!”

“i’m so not!”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

because the curse was lifted and jaehyun made it happen, all those who fell under it soon experienced freedom and joy after years of agony and pain and fear. feelings opposite to them showered upon them that morning like spring rain.

you sat in between jaehyun and ten, who haven’t been talking to each since they fought over little things, mainly about you. ten still didn’t believe that you were jaehyun’s girlfriend, because he recalled you guys were not going to mend things.

“so that’s it? it’s so hard to believe. she just hugged you and the curse’s gone? even more so you’re both dating?”

“ten, c’mon dude.” kun brought out his fist to bump yours. “she’ll be hanging with us from now on. you have to stop being a stuck-up.”

ten shrugged in defeat and finally nodded in acceptance. “fine. i’ll let it go. i mean the curse’s broken won’t bother jae anymore.” he turned to you. “i’m sorry y/n. jae and i have been best friends since kindergarten. so it’s kinda a brotherly instinct to protect him. it just comes out.”

“you do seem like the leader of the pack.” you fiddled with jaehyun’s fingers while he draped his arm around you.

“i thought i was the leader?” kun sounded offended, but not entirely.

jaehyun remained quiet. he told everyone what had happened. however, there was still one question left unanswered. what was the telepathy about?

what did it have to do with you and him? he thought about that real hard. were you actually a missing piece in the prophecy or did he misunderstand it? there were a lot of possibilities, a lot of ideas coming up that maybe he figured it wrong. maybe you did contribute to the breaking of the curse-

“ah!” jungwoo exclaimed as flicked the paper back and forth. he proudly showed what he found, putting the pieces together. the paper was moving quickly that the pairs of eyes couldn’t focus or see anything. “i’ve been telling you guys since camp but you wouldn’t listen to me!”

you squinted your hardest to see the words. all you got from the sheet of paper scribbles and connecting lines. the boys started to fight for the so they could read the younger one forcibly shoved in front of their faces.

jungwoo wanted his friends to feel their pride stepped on them, and held on the paper. “read the prophecy again. i’m excited-”

“you being excited about these things is nothing new-” ten yelled, and kun covered his mouth at the loud volume.

“‘only one could save those who lay under the curse, for they must be in the correct peace of mind and body to break it before it turns for worse.’ guys, it’s already hinted in it!” he pointed at the parts he was scribbling on earlier.

he expounded the prophecy was a little misleading. it wasn’t being literal about the right mind and body. they were the results of the having the correct heart, as the two would only be affected greatly if not for the heart.

jungwoo scooted next to you. “y/n, you weren’t only the key to solving it. you were the only person who gave him that push and made him realise he should love himself for who he was. you gave him that peace of mind because you are the heart. as we all know, the mind and body can’t function without the heart.”

“that sounds sweet?” kun blushed even though he wasn’t supposed to.

“yeah sure but the telepathy happening at the same time with my curse was just a coincidence though?” jaehyun asked.

“onto my next point!” jungwoo drew on the paper again. “i realised you told us before that only family members of the same curse can talk to each other telepathically.”

jaehyun’s brows only furrowed narrower. “which doesn’t make sense because she’s not part of my family.”

jungwoo grinned widely, it almost made you nervous but if it was coming from jungwoo, it always had to be something good. “not even us lads can even talk to you with our minds though we’re close like brothers. what if it’s a sign that she will be part of your family? even if the curse’s broken, it still proves my point that you were soulmates all along.”

somehow you knew it was headed to this. what jungwoo’s saying was similar to your hunch. you weren’t confident as he was because at the time, the curse wasn’t lifted. now that it was, you never knew you were actually right.

jaehyun shrunk in his seat after hearing jungwoo’s theory. he looked at you; who was now giggling with the others. he never thought you were his soulmate, it never crossed his mind. you appeared in his life as a shadow at first, before you resurfaced and made it a roller coaster ride. it was an eye opener for him too, you loved him for who he was, his flaws— that being the curse. although there were frequent bickers, that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy or hate them. he was afraid you’d leave after knowing his transformation.

you didn’t. you stayed. not because you were forced to just to keep his secret, you stayed since you said you’d help. and that lifted weight off of his shoulders. colours came into view more spirited, clouded thoughts in his head faded and everything he heard that were once muffled became clear. he had to compare it like he was reborn.

in the end, you were still beside him, adjacent to him.

[cc-writesfor2dcharacters]

Hi how are you doing? Can I request Yuji, Megumi, Inumaki, Gojo and Nanami ( if it's too much you can reduce to whatever boys you prefer ) reacting to their ( gender-neutral or a female ) s/o's cursed techniques similar to magical girl. Like they need to transform, their attack are very cutesy, and etc. Sorry and it's okay if you can't do it or my request is confusing.

A/N: Sure! This one was kinda challenging to write since I haven't watched any magical girl anime for so long and it was hard to describe how will they transform. But, I hope you enjoy and like this one! <33 Cheers to my first request!!!

Here are the JJK boys reacting to their S/O who has a cursed technique similar to a magical girl:

Itadori Yuji

Oh, this boy was in awe, I swear. He literally had heart eyes when he first saw your technique. He stood there, frozen, as he watched you transform into like a goddess he usually sees in fantasy comics and anime he watches. The necklace you have is the one that activates your technique. After he blinked, you were already in this pretty ballerina form and you were glowing like a real goddess. You approached the cursed spirit as fast as you could so you could get momentum. You channeled your cursed energy into your right foot and kicked the cursed spirit, causing it to fly away due to the heavy impact of both your cursed energy and the technique. And, when you blew a kiss to that grade 1 cursed spirit, bubbles were sent throughout the area. Yuji gasped in admiration for you. He thought, “How could someone as cute as Y/N be this strong?” as your bubbles trapped the grade 1 cursed spirit. Yuji forgot that you guys were fighting two grade 1 cursed spirits. And, the one he was supposed to beat attacked him from behind. He had let his guard down and was on the defense side as he was avoiding the cursed spirit’s attack. But, he was still checking out on you, and he pouted thinking how that costume is actually not fit for fighting. Sukuna had to eventually wake Yuji up from his daydream. “Brat! Stop looking at your girl’s ass and focus. If you die, I die.” But, when he was about to finish that cursed spirit off, you already did the work for him. He was trying to cheer you up since your technique wears off the energy in your body. So, you were immediately exhausted after that fight. On the train, as you were sleeping on his shoulder, he took your hand and compared it to his. He caressed your hair and kissed your forehead. He whispered to you, “Oh, Y/N, your technique made me realized I should be more protective around you. You’re still fragile, but I’ll be here for you every step of the way.” And Sukuna had to interrupt his moment and laughed, “Brat, it’s a matter of time until that girl surpasses you. She’s hot and will become stronger. Ha! Never seen that technique in my years. So, watch out for your girl.” Yuji had to slap the side of his face to make him shut up. Every now and then, when you two have a mission, he secretly wishes you’ll activate your technique. But, you learned your lesson not to since he gets distracted.

Fushiguro Megumi

You were aware that Megumi wanted to see you transform and use your technique when you heard Nobara talk about how cool you looked. So, that’s why on your mission, he asked if you could bring your sword since you two will be fighting plenty of low-grade cursed spirits. He said he wanted to finish the mission as soon as he could, but he just wanted to see what Nobara saw. When you two got to the place, you two were not aware that a grade 1 cursed spirit would be here. He released his Nue to fend off the lower grade cursed spirits. You knew you two were in trouble, that’s why, you did the stance to activate your technique, your katana in front of your face as you held it tightly, and a strong wind blew throughout the area causing the grade 1 cursed spirit to be pushed back a little. As soon as Megumi’s attention turned to you, his eyes widened to see you with wings, and your skirt became shorter. You knew where he was looking, and this boy forgot about the shikigami he released. He wants this to be finished now, so you did it for him. You ran to the cursed spirit, and with your katana bursting with cursed energy alongside the wind you collected, you easily took off the cursed spirit’s head, causing it to disintegrate into thin air. When you came down from the air, you didn’t know what was going on in his head. “An angel.” You gulped as you heard those words from him. He didn’t realize that he said his thoughts out loud, so he felt kind of shy at the moment. It was loud enough for you to hear, causing you to blush. You helped him get up from the ground and he wiped off his butt. “Thank you for saving me, Y/N. I-I was distracted.” He shyly looked away from you, as a blush crept on his face. “Come on, I’ve been wanting to take you out on a date that’s why I wanted to finish this quickly.” All of a sudden, he grabbed your hand as you started to walk off. He’s a man of few words and wasn’t a fan of PDA. But, he’s been like this ever since he saw your technique. He told you that he was both terrified and in love with you. And, that’s probably one of the best compliments you’ve gotten from him so far.

Inumaki Toge

He was assigned to accompany you on your promotion mission. He knew about the technique you have, which is why you were recommended by Mei-Mei to become a grade 2 sorcerer. He wished you good luck by giving you a thumbs up and a light pat on the head. It was his way of telling you that he’ll be looking out for you in case you struggle. The cursed spirit was fast, and you could feel its bloodlust. You didn’t hesitate to activate your technique. It was rushing towards you, so you immediately took out the device you use in order to activate my technique. You imbued the device with a fair amount of cursed energy, enough to defeat this cursed spirit. It was taking its time to activate, and you caught a glimpse of Inumaki unzipping the zipper that covered his mouth. But, you wanted to prove to him that you’re worthy to be a grade 2 sorcerer. And, right in time, the device sent a blinding light causing both Inumaki and the cursed spirit to flinch. You were transformed with fairy wings, and a sparkly dress. He accidentally said, “Wow.” and he was caught off guard. Your eyes widened in surprise to hear him use his voice not for techniques or for his safe words. He alerted you and screamed, “Behind you!” You pointed the light to the cursed spirit, red lights in the form of little hearts came out. The light pierced the cursed spirit’s body with small holes. To finish it off, you slowly flapped your wings to send off beautiful but poisonous dust. And, the cursed energy within you bursts even more as the cursed spirit still wouldn’t die. When you eventually finished it off, you fell to the ground, breathless. You’ve never wasted your cursed energy that much before. It’s just that a part of you wanted to prove to your boyfriend that you can be relied on. He ran towards you and cupped your face. Using his free hand, he did a sign language which translated into You did really well, Y/N. I’m proud of you, remember that. You’re so strong and beautiful. I love you. Tears almost fell out of your eyes as he appreciated you. You hugged him and he hugged you back even tighter. He noticed that your wings were starting to fade and accidentally spoke again and said, “No!” He adorably pouted at you, and you comforted him. “You really liked my technique, huh? Even if I wanted to show you, it might hurt you.” He did another sign language which translated to You were so cute. I just want to wrap you in my arms. You smiled so widely and stood up. You helped him get up, “Then let’s go back and cuddle.” He has never been that excited before.

Gojo Satoru

He was being a little bit of an asshole to you when he found out about your technique. Being born from a family of sorcerers, who secluded themselves from the jujutsu world, he instantly fell in love with you when you two first met. And he was the first one outside of your family to know of your technique. But, the two of you are in for a mission, well it was a solo mission for you, but he tagged along just to see you use your technique over and over again. There have been numerous grade 3 and 4 cursed spirits running around. When you two arrived at the place, you were both shocked to see almost 50 of them, who varied in size, speed, and strength. You were a little scared, and when you were about to back down, Gojo held your back to stop you from going backward and said, “Show me that technique as beautiful as you.” You don’t know what he did to you, but you immediately obeyed. That’s when he stepped back and put his hands in his pocket. He even sat down and had his chin resting on his palm as he watched you. It’s always fun for him to see you and your technique, it was like a show. You snapped your fingers two times to make you transform. Darkness started to envelop the sky, and you knew so well that Gojo is smirking as he will see you in a cute short skirt, and a golden corset. When the darkness faded, you raised your hand like you were pointing a gun in the sky. That’s when you sent lightning on every cursed spirit there was, and electrocuted them. He started to activate his infinity so your lightning wouldn't affect him. His jaw dropped (the picture is the reference) as he stared at you and watched the cursed spirit struggle from your lightning. This is always a pleasant sight for Gojo to watch. There were no people other than him who pointed their hands like a gun to use their technique. It fascinates him and makes him love you even more. It ended sooner than you expected. You were about to remove your technique and Gojo stopped you. “No can do, baby girl. You finished your mission in the blink of an eye, and I haven’t fully enjoyed you in this cute get-up.” He whined as he nuzzled his face into your neck. “You’re always so cool to watch.” He complimented you. It was rare to hear that coming from the "Strongest". But, with you he will shower you with every compliment there is in the world. The reason for that is to see you smile, and well, to persuade you to use your technique later so he could fanboy on his own girlfriend.

Nanami Kento

He was always calm and collected, but he couldn't stop thinking about the first time he saw you use your technique. When you transformed into somewhat of a cat, with cat ears and tail, and you were sparkling like the stars. He thought that you were the cutest human being there is to exist. That technique gives you speed and great mobility. Your nails become like claws and it can rip apart a cursed spirit in an instant. Like Yuji, he was in awe but was still aware of other lower grade cursed spirits lingering around the vicinity. He killed all the cursed spirits so easily just to check if you were still in your cat form. Lucky for him, he saw you scratched the grade 2 cursed spirit from its head all the way to its feet. You perfectly controlled your cursed energy, and the big cursed spirit was killed in an instant. He thought, "Y/N's so cute but that technique's dangerous." He noticed that you were limping a little bit, but that was when you sprained your ankle from jumping too high. He thought it was a casualty from your technique, and that made him worry about you. "Next time don't use your technique, love. It hurts you." He said with his tone filled with worry for you. You laughed at him and replied, "Kento, I jumped too high and landed badly. So, it was my fault, not my technique." He fixed his glasses as he looked away from you. He was trying to hide as you noticed that he blushed a little. "I see. Then, can you use that again so I can see?" He shyly asked and that made you laugh even more. "And why do you want to see it?" You mischievously smiled at him as you crossed your arms. "Because it was cute. But, you're beautiful even in your human form." He flatly answered, but the blush on his face didn't fade. "You're cute when you're flustered like this." You spent the night teasing him about what happened. And, starting from that day, he always argues with Gojo to have him go with you on your mission. He just makes the "It's too dangerous for her" excuse. But, Gojo knows how cute you really are when using that technique, and Kento's just being a protective boyfriend. Up to this day, he won’t admit how he falls in love with you, even more, when he sees you transform.

[gureishi]

I'm the same anon who asked!

Could you talk about Saeran? It doesn't need to be detailed or NSFW, I'm good with anything, I just want to know more about your headcanons!

Hello again lovely anon! ♡

Oops aaaand once again (no surprise, I know): it’s long. I just wanna preface this one with a couple things:

1. There are quite a few Certified Saeran Simps on this site who truly know him much better than I do. Take whatever I say with a grain of salt—I’m no expert!

2. I’m also not an expert on DID! Which isn’t the focus of these HCs, but is obviously relevant. I read lots of books! About brains n stuff! But please never hesitate to tell me if I describe something poorly.

3. I wrote for the AS timeline here but if you want me to talk about SE Saeran or Unknown tell me and you know I will <3

Tw: discussion of childhood abuse, neglect, and subsequent trauma symptoms

Saeran’s body headcanons

A child who grows up the way Saeran did—kept indoors, often physically restrained, and sometimes starved—is not going to develop in a healthy way. There’s a reason why, even as an adult, Saeran is a full 2 cm shorter than his identical twin: he never gets the nutrition and exercise that kids need in order to grow.

We know that his mother uses his sickliness as an excuse to keep him indoors: but was he born sickly, or is he sick and weak because he’s been malnourished and kept from running or playing or interacting with other children? He breathes stale, dry air all day; he’s living on mostly white bread, and not always at regular intervals (plus whatever sweets his brother can steal for him from the outside world). He is not well.

Child Saeran never learns any sports or games. He doesn’t learn how to play with other children, or tie his shoes, or make himself a snack. Adult Saeran doesn’t know how to skip—you’ll have to teach him.

If the twins didn’t have each other, neither one of them would have survived.

And as we know, the neglect that Saeran endures worsens tenfold after Saeyoung leaves. Any glimpses he was getting of the outside world—sneaking out when their mother was unconscious, getting whatever snacks and books Saeyoung could gather for him at church—are cut off.

I’m not gonna tell you when the alters appear, because I am by no means an expert on DID. From studies I’ve read, I can say that typically alters become manifest after a “traumatic turning point” (which is not necessarily the “worst” trauma endured, but simply a particularly salient traumatic experience). It’s definitely possible that the alters emerge in late childhood, while he is still in the house with his mother.

When Saeran is taken from his mother’s home by Rika and V, he is (needless to say) not in good shape. He is painfully skinny, extremely malnourished, and very weak. He still has his red hair and golden eyes, but already he is looking less and less like his brother: his cheeks are hollow and his eyes are dull. 

There is a brief period of time, before his “cleansing” (Oh god. We’ll get there), where he is reasonably well cared for. For the first time in his life, he is eating meals—and he is getting to bathe regularly, and he is getting his hair cut and combed. He still believes, at this time, that he’ll be reunited with his brother. And he is going outside! He is learning how the grass feels between his toes and how the sky looks through clear eyes.

As we know: this doesn’t last.

The elixir is a truly horrifying combination of hallucinogenic substances. No human could consume this cocktail of drugs repeatedly and feel well: and Saeran is already physically weak, and severely underweight. The fact that he survives as long as he does under these conditions is a miracle.

We know that he is being tortured at this time, too: physically as well as emotionally. Saeran has scars, like his brother; while Saeyoung has lots and lots of tiny scars all over his body, Saeran has larger, more distinct scars: perhaps on his wrists, and his throat, and his ankles.

It is around this time that his eyes and hair change. The means by which this happens is incredibly vague in-game, and everyone’s individual HCs are valid. My personal belief is this: he dyes his own hair—first, in a frenzied, desperate attempt to stop seeing his brother looking back at him from the mirror. He keeps dying it because Rika approves: and he never does a good job, and it’s rough and fried, and that “pink” at the bottom? Just the red showing through his patchy dye job.

As for his eyes: I personally believe they change as a result of the elixir. If they were contacts, I don’t think that GE Saeran would necessarily still wear them—and in every timeline, he has those startling blue-green eyes.

The alters take care of the body in different ways.

Ray does not feed himself. He lives on caffeine pills and sweets (and, of course, the concoction of drugs that he’s being fed in increasingly large amounts). The body becomes even skinner when Ray is fronting. And he bites his nails and fingers—brutally, so they are chapped and cut and scarred. But Ray goes outside, and he works in the garden under the sun: his body is getting some form of exercise: and this is good for his lungs, and invigorates his weak, tired muscles.

Ray also takes care of his appearance—something Saeran never did before. He brushes and styles his hair; he dresses himself carefully in the clothes Rika has picked for him; he covers himself in beautiful scents so that he is more appealing to you.

When Suit is fronting, he wants to strip his body of anything that reminds him of Ray. So he styles his hair differently (but still: he is styling it), and he tries desperately to wash the scent of Ray off his skin. He doesn’t feed himself, either—but, if any of the alters are trying to become physically strong, it is Suit (of course). I’m certain that the Believers have a workout regime they’re supposed to be following; maybe Suit even does it (on his own, of course, in secret). He knows he needs to be able to protect himself—and he needs to feel powerful.

When you meet Ray, you don’t notice right away just how poorly he is doing. Rika has intentionally dressed him in a way that hides just how bony he is—and he wears those little gloves, of course, so you don’t see his ravaged fingers. But it doesn’t take long to catch on: he is so skinny you could almost blow him away, and there are dark shadows under his eyes, and he doesn’t sound like he’s taken a deep breath in years.

By the time you meet Suit, you already know the state their body is in: malnourished and weak. Ray cooked for you, but you wish you could cook for all of them; and even when Suit is starving you (in other words: reenacting the very abuse that was dealt to him in childhood), you wish you could wrap him in a big blanket and feed him a bowl of soup.

The Saeran that escapes Magenta with you—GE Saeran: the fusion of Ray and Suit (or a new alter, depending on what you believe)—has never made a single choice for himself in his whole life, until this moment. He never got to pick his own clothes, or what he would eat (if he ate at all), or how he would speak, or what he would do. Running away with you is the first real choice he has ever made—and no wonder this is pivotal and transformative for him.

The AE doesn’t portray the timeline of healing in a realistic way. After two weeks, we see GE Saeran so much healthier, both physically and mentally. And yes: two weeks of eating real food and sleeping in a bed make a difference: we see him with fuller cheeks and brighter eyes.

But what the game doesn’t address is the withdrawal he likely endures when he stops taking the elixir, which is full of substances that are both dangerous and addictive. It doesn’t address the time it takes to build up muscle mass, and get accustomed to healthy sleeping and eating habits, and to begin to heal from years and years of repeated trauma.

GE Saeran doesn’t heal right away, because healing doesn’t work that way. It’s not linear, or straightforward, or simple, or beautiful. It’s slow, and sometimes it’s painful.

But he does heal.

A Saeran who is in love with you is soft, and patient, and willing to put in the months and years (a lifetime!) of hard work to heal his body and his heart. You’ll get to watch as the dark circles under his eyes disappear, and his cheeks become less hollow, and his body grows stronger as he cooks (with you, and for you) and eats real meals and learns to run in the grass the way he never did before. He’ll make a garden, and you’ll get to see how he looks with sun on his face, his eyes clear as the sky as he gazes up at you—smiling.

You can show him how to moisturize his dry lips and cracked hands; you can help him pick out clothes he likes to wear; and you will learn how to support him when his memories haunt him.

And you can hold him: this beautiful, small, soft man, with his thin shoulders and scarred fingers. He’ll close his eyes and you’ll taste the sun on his skin as you kiss his eyelashes. He smells of earth and sky; he loves you with all the power of the universe.

[mostly-delusional]

Maybe in another life

The story of why the moon changes shape.

'Once upon a time' is how every story is put into words. But this is a tale from before time itself. This is a story of an era when the universe was a colossal void filled with darkness, where time held no relevance and any form of life existed in a comparatively tiny, point sized orb.

The rondure was home to billions of shimmering souls. The Supernals. Their greyish-silver skin that glimmered along with their graceful movements would appear, in today's time, like nothing more than a phantom. But unlike ghosts, their bodies were very much solid, as human in appearance as possible.

Although there was no higher being that subjugated these entities, the one amongst them who was the beholder of unimaginable power was considered to be of more importance than rest of the population. Dierdre was the only one of her kind, her glittering derma coruscating wisps of silver light. Her magical abilities unmatched, even by their creator himself. And she had claimed herself as the queen.

It is often said that power corrupts people, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Dierdre had fallen victim to the seductive tendencies of the power she possessed. Her mind and heart were scorched as one, turned into nothing but a lump of malefic intents.

Among the billions that resided in that realm, two souls were set apart from the rest. Aelius, the sun and Cynthia, the moon. They were different, and everyone knew it.

Aelius was handsome from the depth of his amber coloured eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice. His presence was striking, but in a peaceful sort of manner. The usual silver dermis of the Supernals seemed to have adopted a golden tinge inside Aelius. His aureate skin set him apart from the rest of the population and brought unwanted attention.

Cynthia, on the other hand, exuded close to none of the silver light possessed by the Supernals. Despite of being exceptionally beautifully, she was...plain, when compared to the rest of her kind. The lack of radiance pushing her to the sidelines. Cynthia had spend an eternity in melancholy solitude. Without friends and family.

But soon, things had taken a different turn, when one evening she had ventured out to woods that occupied the outskirts of the city she lived in. Lost in her own misery, Cynthia had failed to notice Aelius sneaking past the massive trees and approaching the stone bench she was perched atop.

It was the beginning of an unusual friendship that left the Supernals questioning the workings of the world. The dull and lonely Cynthia had captured the attention of bright and handsome Aelius. The moon and the sun had brewed a bond that seemed highly unlikely to exist in a realm ruled by a queen of the likes of Dierdre.

Unbeknownst to him, Aelius had succeeded in capturing the attention of the queen, his enchanting beauty luring Dierdre into the tangled world of love. The queen who had once thought herself to be far above such petty emotions now yearned for the sun.

Alas, we always crave for things we cannot have.

The friendship between Aelius and Cynthia had bloomed into something more deep and sacred. In the echoing loneliness of Cynthia's soul, Aelius had managed to make a home for himself and drive away her sorrows in the best ways he could. At the same time, Cynthia had calmed the chaos that thrived inside him. Providing him a few moments of peace, away from the attention he had come to loathe.

The news of this blossoming romance had easily made its way to Dierdre. She was informed that the man she loved was often seen in the company of the outcast, Cynthia. And there were rumours that the pair was in love. Furious by the revelation, Dierdre called for an assembly, demanding the presence of every Supernal in the arena where important events took place.

Aelius and Cynthia were on top of the hill that overlooked the entire capital when a group of guards had dragged them all the way to the arena. They had struggled to free themselves from the deadly grips of the royal guards, Aelius constantly pleading with them to let Cynthia go. Inquiring about where they were being taken and why. But their captors had remained stoic and refused to answer any of the questions.

They were taken onto the raised platform which overlooked the rest of the arena, occupied by the shining profiles of the Supernals. The crowd murmured amongst itself, trying to decipher the reason behind the sudden gathering.

"My friends," the mass had silenced as soon as the first syllable had left Dierdre's lips. Even though no one was letting it on, the presence of the queen settled an uncomfortable chill in their bones. She had her hands slightly raised at her sides, her lips twisted in a satisfied smile upon the seeing commoners squirm under her gaze. "Our kind's existence in this realm has been everlasting and we have thrived with peace, love and harmony. We have always valued the brave, and cherished the loyal. As your queen, it is my duty to punish those who betray the crown or deny it any kind of service."

The crowd stirred, tension visible on every silver face. "Today, we have gathered here to look into the crimes committed by one of our own. The outcast...Cynthia." The named had rolled off her tongue as if it tasted like poison. "All of us were made aware of my affections towards the handsome and kind Aelius and that I wished to marry him. But the outcast violated my wishes by wooing him with her... unnatural abilities. As a punishment for her cri—"

"Cynthia has committed no crime," Aelius had bit out from where he stood, flanked by the royal guards. His voice echoed in the arena, eyes glaring into the Queen's direction, his usually gentle demeanor replaced by a cold and calm attitude.

The queen's head snapped to him, her eyebrows raised. "Even though interrupting your queen is worthy of punishment, I shall forgive you for this. My dear Aelius, pray tell us, what do you mean by that?"

"I mean," Aelius had began, his teeth grinding together with building rage, "that Cynthia committed no crime. She did not woo me. It was my decision to make. And I certainly do not wish to marry you."

Anger flashed in Dierdre's eyes but she had quickly masked it with a cold and sinister smile. "I'm sure you don't mean that, my love."

"I stand by every word I said. I will not associate with you in any manner. You are nothing but cruel."

The crowd had responded accordingly, numerous gasps echoing one after another in the arena. Aelius had soon realised his mistake, his eyes widened in panic, looking back at Cynthia who had frozen in her spot.

Dierdre was not known to have mercy upon her subordinates. Her methods of dealing with traitors could only be described as evil and no one lived to tell the tales of what they had experienced in the dark dungeons of the castle.

But this was not just about speaking ill of the crown or committing treason. Aelius had striked on her heart, shattering all her hopes of having a future with him. Not being able to see any sense in that moment, Dierdre had done the unthinkable. She had placed a curse on the entire race of her people.

It is believed that her rage had taken such huge toll on the realm that it had exploded into the void, scattering around like pieces of a broken vase, not to be mended again.

The Supernals were forced to give up their true form and were turned into massive balls of light known as the stars. The people closest to Aelius were stripped of their radiance and left as barren balls of dirt, spinning around in the emptiness, now identified as the planets.

The couple in question had themselves suffered a great deal. Aelius was to remain the biggest and brightest star, glowing in the center of the newly created universe. His body transformed into a huge sphere of unbearable heat. Cynthia was given a smaller form, dull and barren as ever.

"You shall live the rest of your lives with each other. Close but not enough. Within each other's reach, but powerless to actually claim your love."

Ever since, the sun and the moon have satiated their desire for each other through stolen glances. Their game of hide and seek causing never-ending pain to both of them. Aelius' family and friends revolved around him, wanting to comfort him but being unable to do so due to the fear of destroying themselves.

In all these years spent apart, Aelius had found a way to express his love to Cynthia, even if it was from a distance. He provided her with his light everyday, his warmth washing over her, assuring her that one day they will reunite. Not right now, but maybe in another life.

Cynthia basked basked in the sunlight, but even that would not be enough most days. There were times when only some part of her could feel the presence of Aelius and once in a while he vanished from her view completely. But there were also days when she could clearly look at him, feel his presence all around her. Those days gave her hope that maybe not all was lost. And maybe they could be reunited again.

Prompt list

English is not my first language and this is unedited, so forgive me for any mistakes. I'll re-read it soon and maybe change certain bits.

Feedback is really appreciated <3

[vajranam]

Five Dakinis Families

All dakinis have extraordinary powers -- the worldly ones and those referred to as wisdom dakinis -- but only the motivation of the latter is completely pure.  The life story of the Mahasiddha, Tilopa (988 - 1069) tells how after he met the dakinis who could manipulate appearances, he encountered the ones embodying the five activities, and then at last, in the heart of the mandala, The Wisdom Dakini, herself.  The Life of Padmasambhava According to Yeshe Tsogyal describes a similar progression. 

Tilopa Meets the Dakinis  

The 4th Chetsang Rinpoche (1770-1862) of the Drikung Kagyu tells how the Bengali brahmin boy, Salyeu, out minding water buffalo, was visited by a "fearsome, ugly woman" who told him to ". . . herd buffalo And read scriptures. There you will find the prophecies of the Dakinis."

With this, she disappeared.

Some time later, while he was reading under a shapa [hat-shaped?] tree, she returned, and asked him to identify himself to her. He gave the appropriate, ordinary information, but she corrected him, saying: 

"Your country is Oddiyana in the North; your father is Chakrasamvara; your mother is Vajrayogini: your brother is Pantsapana [Hind: Panchpana], and I am your sister, Bliss-giver.  If you want to find the true buffalo go to the forest of the bodhi tree.  There the stainless Dakinis hold the ear-whispered teachings."   

He said, "If I go there, the Dakinis will pose obstacles and prevent me from succeeding." She said: "Yogi, you can get the teachings. You have received the predictions And kept the samaya vows."

Realizing she was a Dakini, he said: "The path is dangerous and I do not know how to traverse it." In reply she gave him a crystal ladder, a jeweled bridge, and a coral-handled key, saying: "I give you my blessings; depart without hesitation."

The young man, who would become known as Mahasiddha Tilopa, then crosses the country to reach Oddiyana where, using the magical tools, he negotiates  a poison lake and the "iron wall of Ghandola."   Then, he chooses the correct one of the three gates to the Temple of Ghandola and, using his coral key, he enters.    

First, he meets nirmanakaya "stainless Dakinis Who desire flesh and blood." in their many fearsome forms that make terrible noises and threatening gestures, but he is not afraid.  Frustrated, they fell into a faint, and when they regained their composure, they begged his forgiveness and admitted:

    "We are to you as the butterfly to the lamp; The butterfly hopes to extinguish the lamp, But instead dies in the light. ... , ... ." 

One among them continued:  "I am just an ordinary being, without authority.  If I do not ask our leader's permission to let you in, She will eat my flesh and drink my blood.  Therefore, precious one, do not think unkindly of me."

Then, samboghakaya Loka Karma Dakinis appear, but by making the three threatening ritual gestures, Tilopa overpowers their faculties of body, speech and mind. They suffer the same as the previous group, and their leader, "a  Minister," goes to announce him to the Queen.   When she permits him to enter, he does not even bow but rather assumes a state of meditation, so the host of attending Dakinis get angry, saying:

"She is the blessed one, The mother of the Buddhas of the Three Times.  Let us beat him Who shows no respect."

The Mother intervenes saying that he is ". . .  . The father of the Buddhas of the Three Times.  Even a rain of vajras . . . Could not destroy him. Therefore I will give him the teachings."

She instructs him in prana [breath/energy] and other unrecorded things, but he insists on more, and Tilopa says that he wants " . . . the perfect teaching.  The stainless bliss, the great secret Of the ordinary and the extraordinary."

She then agrees to confer the three wish-fulfilling gems including the self-arising body of co-emergent Wisdom and Means united; the speech that is the 7-syllable self-arising emerald in the Dharmakara, and the 5-pointed vajra jewel of self-arising mind, but only if he can understand the signs.  The host of Dakinis express their doubt that he will be able to understand the signs, but Tilopa responds directly to the Mother, that he has 3 special keys, and that they are:   

1.  The self-liberation key of samaya that grants access to "the light of wisdom which dispels the darkness of ignorance, And to self-awareness, self-arising, ad self-clarity." 

2.  "the key of experience Which opens the door to the mind-as-such, Self-appearing clarity which is ever unborn, . . .  ." and

3. "the key of experience of the realized yogi" that opens the door to "Mind-as-such, Dharma-as-such, and Dharmakaya."

At that the Dakinis rejoice and hold a Ganachakra feast in which they prepare the sindhura (vermillion powder) mandala and further empower him by means of both oral and mental transmissions.  They give him 13 distinct tantras for the future benefit of beings including Tantra of Vajra Dakini, Tantra of Sangwai Zo and Tantra of Vajradhara Self-appearance.  Then they liken him to a bird and, having addressed him as Chakrasamvara and as Prajnabadra, they beg him to remain with them.  

Knowing the future, Tilopa explains that he must return to Tsukgi Norbu (Crest Jewel) Monastery "For the spiritual sons Naropa, Ririkasori and others."  

As he was leaving, a formless Dakini bestowed 9 special objects with instructions to:

1. "loosen the knot of the mind"

2. "act like a sword striking water"

3. "chase the sun of realization" [a lasso?]4. "see samaya in the mirror of your mind" 5. "see that the light of awareness is wisdom"6. "turn the wheel of the channel and wind net" 7. "see the outer mirror equalizing taste" 8. "see the mahamudra [a seal?] of self-liberation" 9. hold "the jewel of great-bliss speech"

And that, according to the Drikung Kagyu, is "how Tilopa as a human being over- powered the Dakinis, and how he received the teachings. "

Consorts of Transcendent Buddhas

Tibetan Buddhism acknowledges, besides the historical Buddha Siddhartha Gautama Shakyamuni (532-486 BCE) other buddhas (awakened ones/fully aware ones) of the past and the future. At the ultimate level of reality there are transcendental buddhas.  These are thought of as five families or categories of buddhas.  

Their female consorts are regarded as "enlightened wisdom" which, paired with the male aspect or "skillful means," give rise to the enlightened compassionate activity of the universe(s).  Hence there are 5 major corresponding dakinis: Padma-Dakini, Buddha-Dakini, Ratna-Dakini, Karma-Dakini, and Vajra-Dakini or Vishva-Dakini (vajra-cross dakini.)

Dakinis of the Five Families

The Padma or lotus dakini is stocky with oily, pink skin.  

She is talkative and lusty. 

She controls gods, demons and men.

With her, the doors to rebirth in lower realms are closed.

Buddha (Sangye) dakini is bluish white.

She is smiling, placid and long-lived.

She confers longevity and rebirth in the dakini paradise.

Ratna or jewel dakini is tall, slim, golden- skinned with white hair.

She sings and dances.

She grants wealth and success in life.

With her the hell realms will be closed. 

The Karma or activity dakini is white and radiant.

She is smiling, respectful, 

trustworthy, and generous.

She grants worldly success and rebirth as a human.

Vajra (Dorje) or thunderbolt dakini is fair, flushed and radiant.

She has special marks such as 5 white moles at her brow.

Compassionate, pure, virtuous and devout, with her there is no falling into any lower realm.

[From John Stevens' Lust for Enlightenment (Shambala 1990)  citing Dowman's Divine Madman.]

or Four  Orders 

The Sanglingma or Life of Padmasambhava According to Yeshe Tsogyal repeatedly makes reference to four orders.

The lowest order of dakini consists of beings who have not fully divorced themselves from the world of existence, samsara.  This worldly kind of dakini is the sort that may behave like Tricksters -- sometimes helpful; at other times, mischief-making. These  dakinis can appear as beautiful fairies or angels, but also as ghouls and demons. 

or Five Sisters

In the life story of Padmasambhava, The 5 Tsering-ma were transformed from evil-doers who could manipulate beings by means of visual and auditory illusions into sworn and bound protectors of the dharma by the Guru.

 From Thinley Norbu's Magic Dance: The Display of the Self-Nature of

the Five Wisdom Dakinis. (Shambhala, 1999):

Five Wisdom Sisters,

If we do not complement you,

You become five witches,

Making us ill and bringing us suffering.

Because we cannot banish you,

Always our fate depends on you.

Five Wisdom Sisters,

If we do complement you,

You become five angels,

Making us healthy and bringing us happiness.

Because we cannot separate from you,

Always our fate depends on you.

Five Wisdom Sisters,

Nothing can be done without depending on your mood.

Farmers cannot grow their crops,

Politicians cannot rule their countries,

Engineers cannot work their machines,

Doctors cannot heal their patients,

Scientists cannot do their research,

Philosophers cannot make their logic,

Artists cannot create their art,

Without depending on your mood.

Five Wisdom Sisters,

Nothing can be known without depending on your grace.

Tibetan lamas cannot chant with cool highland habit,

Indian gurus cannot sing with warm lowland habit,

Japanese roshis cannot sit with dark cushion habit,

Muslim sheikhs cannot dance with bright robed habit,

Jewish rabbis cannot pray with soft-voiced habit

Without depending on your grace.

Five Wisdom Sisters,

Even the most mysterious miracles cannot occur without complementing your purity.

Buddha Shakyamuni cannot rest with tranquil gaze of his lotus eyes underneath the Bodhi tree,

Guru Padmasambhava cannot play magically with countless sky-walking dakinis,

Lord Jesus cannot walk weightlessly across the water,

Prophet Moses cannot see the radiantly burning bush,

Brahmin Saraha-pa cannot straighten arrows, singing wisdom hymns with his arrow-maker girl,

Crazy saint Tilopa cannot eat fish and torture Naropa,

Greatest yogi Milarepa cannot remain in his cave, singing and accepting hardships

Without complementing your purity.

You are so patient.

Whoever wants to stay,

If you don't exist,

Cannot stay.

Whoever wants to go,

If you don't exist,

Cannot go.

Whoever wants to taste or touch,

If you don't exist,

Cannot taste or touch.

Whatever our actions,

You are always supporting

Patiently without complaining.

But we ignorant beings

Are always ungrateful,

Stepping on you,

Calling you Earth.

You are so constant.

Whoever wants to be purified,

If you don't exist,

Cannot be purified.

Whoever wants to quench their thirst,

If you don't exist,

Cannot quench their thirst.

Whoever wants to hear,

If you don't exist,

Cannot hear

Whatever our actions,

You are always flowing

Ceaselessly without complaining.

But we desiring beings

Are always ungrateful,

Splashing you,

Calling you Water.

You are so clear.

Whoever wants to fight,

If you don't exist,

Cannot fight.

Whoever wants to love,

If you don't exist,

Cannot love.

Whoever wants to see,

If you don't exist,

Cannot see.

Whatever our actions,

You are always glowing

Un-obscuredly without complaining.

But we proud beings

Are always ungrateful

Smothering you,

Calling you Fire.

You are so light.

Whoever wants to rise,

If you don't exist,

Cannot rise.

Whoever wants to move,

If you don't exist,

Cannot move.

Whoever wants to smell,

If you don't exist,

Cannot smell.

Whatever our actions,

You are always moving

Weightlessly without complaining.

But we envious beings

Are always ungrateful,

Fanning you,

Calling you Air.

You are so open.

Whoever wants to exist,

If you don't exist,

Cannot exist.

Whoever doesn't want to exist,

If you don't exist,

Cannot cease to exist.

Whoever wants to know phenomena,

If you don't exist,

Cannot know phenomena.

Whatever our actions,

You are always welcoming

Spaciously without complaining.

But we ignorant beings

Are always ungrateful,

Emptying you,

Calling you Space.

You are our undemanding slave,

Tirelessly serving us,

From ordinary beings to sublime beings

To fulfill our worldly wishes.

You are our powerful queen,

Seductively conquering us,

From ordinary beings to sublime beings,

Into desirable qualities.

You are our Wisdom Dakini,

Effortlessly guiding us with your magic dance,

From ordinary beings to sublime beings,

Into desireless qualities.

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

The Light Within the Dark Trees’ Shadows Fanfic

Title: The Light Within the Dark Trees’ Shadows

Summary: When Logan was younger he sought comfort in the moon. Now he dreads its’ arrival.

Pairings: platonic analogical

Word-Count: 925

Warnings: werewolf transformation, panic, hurt/comfort

Round 2 since Tumblr destroyed the initial post. Awhile back, I asked for input on what prompts i should do next in my inbox and this is the result of it. Hope y’all enjoy <3

-

When Logan was younger, he sought comfort in the moon. As absurd as that sounded–to seek comfort in something that was a hunk of rock several hundred thousands away. It did not matter to young Logan.

Crescent, Gibbous, Full–he found all of its phases to be astounding. He spent nights gazing at the stars and the moon, imprinting it all to memory. He could look at the daylight sky and point out where constellations rested, invisible to the naked eye.

But as the red-violet rays of the sunset started to die down, he found himself dreading the arrival of the moon. He paced along the forest ground, wringing his hands together. His behavior was absurd. He couldn’t prevent what was to come. It’d be best for him to just accept it.

A twig snapped behind him and he whirled around, a growl stuck in his throat.

“Whoa, it’s just me.” A lanky shadow said, raising their arms up in a placating gesture. As they stepped closer, he relaxed upon recognizing their mop of purple hair and dark brown eyes; Virgil.

“I apologize,” He murmured, fingers tracing his tie, “I shouldn’t have ran off like this.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Virgil waved him off.

Logan nodded, a choked, clenching feeling taking hold of his throat. They stood there silently for awhile, gazing at the fading sunset through the trees.

“You don’t have to be scared anymore,” Virgil blurted out, “I mean, I get if you are. But the twins and I…we’re here for you.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not scared.” Logan said, face carefully blank and devoid of emotions.

“Then why did you run off?”

“I needed a breather, I could not take hearing another of Roman’s and Remus’s inane arguments, especially since they refuse to listen to reason, and it has nothing to do with–” Logan’s breath hitched, “what is to come.”

“I’ll…try to talk to them about that,” Virgil promised before hesitating, “but we should head back–”

He couldn’t stop himself. “No!”

“No?”

Logan took pacing again, hands rising and falling as words failed him. A frustrated growl escaped him then, deep and guttural. He froze rigidly at the sound of it.

“Logan,” Virgil took a step forward, “it’s happening soon, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Logan whispered lowly, “and for the sake of your safety, you need to be gone before it happens.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

What?

“You have to,” Logan insisted, “I am not in control of myself when I am like–like that. That’s why–I cannot risk endangering you or the twins!”

Virgil pursued his lips, “And you won’t hurt us, I promise.”

The sky had darkened considerably. A wind shook the trees, sharp and whistling. Logan only had mere moments to persuade Virgil out of this.

“You have no way of knowing that!”

“I do.”

“H-how?!” Logan spluttered, a whine reverberating beneath it.

“Because you had the chance, time and time again, but you haven’t,” Virgil said, “You participate in Remus’ experiments, you provide constructive critique to Roman’s ideas, hell you even help me listen to reason when I spiral. I know that this won’t change anything.”

“This is different!” Logan protested. He opened his mouth to elaborate but all that came out was a piercing scream. He managed one look up at the bright, glistening full moon before collapsing.

The first thing that came was the pain. Some might describe it like an ever-devouring flame, that consumed one’s body and soul. It wasn’t quite that way for Logan. It was more akin to a raging blizzard. So cold and biting he was barely cognizant.

Logically, he should be dead from the strain of it. But this curse did not make logical sense.

At one point, he stopped screaming because he physically couldn’t. His heart stopped, and then started. Multiple times. He was undergoing cardiac arrest from the strain of it. Logically he should be dead. But the curse kept him alive through it, feeling every bit of it.

His bones shifted, extending in some ways and drastically shortening in others. Some of them melded together to form new shapes. His muscles twisted and contorting around them, finding new places to call home. His humanity was slipping away, fading as a something else took hold. A wolf with sharp teeth, blackened fur and elongated claws.

It was Logan, but also not Logan. The wolf was its’ separate entity, one that slumbered within Logan but came out to prowl during the full moon. It did what it wanted, taking very little input from the human conscious.

The wolf rose to its paws, stretching.

“Logan?”

It stopped mid-stretch, it’s golden eyes staring right at Virgil. The human didn’t reek of fear. The human lowered its’ head slightly, compressing his gangly form to appear smaller. A sign of submission–of respect.

‘Pack, pack, pack,’ A foreign thought pressed into the wolf’s mind. No doubt, emanating from Logan. As much as the wolf hated Logan’s interference, it could not argue against this. Never in its’ existence did it have a pack. And this human Virgil was good, it decided. He was worthy of being pack.

This meant, he was very much worthy of taking multiple licks to the face by an overenthusiastic wolf.

“Whoa!” Virgil said with a startled laugh, toppled to the ground by it. He didn’t mind it, however, because despite his own internal fears, he’d been right. The wolf wouldn’t hurt him. And after the sun rose again, and Logan was back–he’d help him get a little closer to accepting the wolf and appreciating the moon once more.

[mittens-220]

Hataraku Maou-sama! Volume 21 Detailed Chinese Summary Part 5

Detailed preview summary: Read here

Detailed summary part 1: Read here

Detailed summary part 2: Read here

Detailed summary part 3: Read here

Detailed summary part 4: Read here

Demon King and Hero Challenge God

End of July, the distance between the two moons were pretty close, the preparations for battle sped up. The strike team was Maou and Acies, Ashiya and Urushihara, Emi and Alas=Ramus, Lailah and Gabriel, Utsushihara and Amane, as well as Camio and Farfarello. Amane was only in charge of monitoring Utsushihara and would not participate in the fight. They then launched the Demon Fortress to Heaven at a closer distance, Heaven was very quiet, and no one was seen, with no one responding to their intrusion. Maou said, let’s go find the Tree of Life, our goal is not to fight a war but to free the Sephirah, Lucifer objected, saying that the other Sephirah might be like Iron and were being taken care of by Ignora, and asked Gabriel, as a guardian angel, did he know what state the Sephirah were in? Or were there no other guardian angels who I know anymore? Gabriel said that other than who was mentioned before, there was only Malkuth’s guardian angel, known as Sandalphon, he was a rather old angel, because even if they were immortal, they could not reverse age.

Maou asked Gabriel, wasn’t it said that once civilisation matures, there will be no holy magic, why can you still use spells? And why don’t use Gate to return to their home planet? Gabriel said it was because they did not know the exact location of their home planet, normally speaking, they could only go if they have specific coordinates, it was very lucky that you could end up on Earth. As for spells, they could use them when they were born, it might be because their Sephirah did not feel that spells were a power which exceeded the boundaries.

Then Gabriel brought them to the Tree of Life and the Sephirah management area, the Tree of Life was a withered tree in a huge expense of wilderness, with ten shrines surrounding it. He said that Guardian Angel Kamael was appointed by Ignora, Sandalphon and Gabriel volunteered for the position. Maou and Emi transformed in preparation for battle, and were even talking about combining the two swords together (using a common phrase used to describe couples in love), the rest of the group even tsukkomi-ed them.

They entered one of the shrines, something like a drain wrapped around the root on the ground and caused it to curl, Amane said it was like seeing a relative getting tortured and interrogated. Gabriel said that they just needed to destroy the drains, but do not break number 4 (Iron), number 9 (Yesod) and number 10 (Malkuth). Gabriel had never seen Malkuth because Malkuth was being managed by Ignora and Kamael. Then they started breaking things, and no one cared about them after breaking five or six of them, or it was more like they did not see anyone after arriving in Heaven. Gabriel said that the facilities they destroyed were used by Ignora to make people misunderstand the world, and she basically succeeded. After that, they destroyed 10, 5 and 9 in order, there was a huge shock after destroying everything, the Tree of Life bloomed. Utsushihara said that based on the differences in the areas they control, Malkuth would wake up first, next would be Kether, Geburah and Yesod. Ashiya said that they were now in enemy headquarters and they could not leisurely wait for the results of the flowers blooming and should just attack first. Utsushihara agreed and then sighed and said it was troublesome. Lucifer said, you look like me, why do you have the same thought process as me as well. Utsushihara said, could it be that you do not want to fight with your mother? Lucifer said, no, I also have my own goals. So when they reached an agreement, they were about to set off and Kamael’s trident finally burst into the scene

Then they realised that the trident did not belong to Kamael, but Heaven’s troops. Maou commented about finally being able to fight and told Ashiya not to kill them as much as possible, then left him behind to occupy the Heaven troops for as long as possible, the rest followed Gabriel to look for Ignora. As they flew, they reminded each other, even if no one came to stop them from destroying the shrines, they could not let their guard down. In the past, it was Ignora’s battle tactics which defeated Sataniel. For the small number of pursuers they met on the way, they were all defeated, and Maou and Emi worked very well together during this time. Finally they flew to a place where they could see a huge man made building. Lucifer said it was not much different from before, that was basically a dead place. That was a metallic round building which looked like a UFO, and was named “Ship of Hope”, the research base. Maou asked, they were born because someone was play acting as Demon King in this place? Lucifer said, I understand what you feel, my feelings were even more complex, I came to understand my family, and destroy this whole place before Ashiya returns. Utsushihara, who could read minds, even added on that Lucifer was speaking the truth. Only Lailah felt shaken at Lucifer’s murderous words. Maou ignored him and declared battle loudly, asking all of them to come out if they did not want to die! He had come to kill their leader! And in the end, only Kamael came out.

Gabriel tried to address him in a familiar way, but Kamael did not say anything and attacked directly, Maou saved Gabriel and everyone noticed that Kamael’s spear had a layer of golden glow which they had not seen before. Lucifer reminded them about paying attention to fire prevention (due to what happened in vol 8). Maou said to leave it to him, and once he went forward, Kamael started to chant Satan’s name again, then Kamael said Sataniel was a traitor, an uncivilised person who did not understand Ignora’s ideals, and also his wife’s enemy, he would never forget that battle which caused his wife’s body to be left on the red moon. Then he declared that he would not allow them to obstruct Ignora’s path and they started fighting. During the battle, Kamael started to lose, Maou was about to give him a lethal blow when a pair of hands suddenly reached out to block the holy sword. Acies turned back to her human form, and Kamael’s spear turned into a white haired girl around 17 or 18 years of age, yellow and black fringe, it was Malkuth.

Malkuth’s name is Eros and said that she choose Kamael as her Yadorigi, Acies said this group of people destroyed their Sephirah and enslaved us, why did you choose him. Eros said that she knew, not long ago, she did not have such plans, but Daath has already been born. Acies said she knew, he looked exactly the same as Lucifer. Kamael said, this is the result of Daath’s choice. Ignora was waiting for the choice the whole time, it was such a long period of time and she experienced many betrayals, obstructions and setbacks, but after experiencing such a long wait, we finally obtained a place to belong. Maou rebuked, they treated all of like this, how could they talk about a place to belong? Kamael said, the planet this satellite (the moon) belonged to, its chosen human, Daath believed it was the Head of the second generation angels, Lucifer. The race Lucifer belonged to, is the race who should be reigning this planet, the race who should be evolving. Even if you kill me and Ignora here, our victory will not be shaken. Then he smiled in a contempt after saying this.

On the other end, the rest entered the UFO when Maou was holding Kamael back, there was still no one, Lailah said that this place used to be very lively, and Gabriel had only left for half a year, it was not like this in the past. Gabriel was very uneasy and wanted to go with his own Heaven troops to find someone he knew, guaranteeing that he would not betray the Landlady. Lucifer said he would go with him, he could deal with Raguel as well, Gabriel’s Heaven troops would not disobey him, then Utsushihara also followed them. Emi went down another route with Lailah and after they walked for a while, there was an explosion, causing a hole in the wall. Maou and Acies rolled in, they were trashed by Kamael and Eros. Eros was stronger than Yesod, Acies and Eros fought until it was like two large armies fighting against each other, even though it looked like they would not be able to win, Emi and Lailah could only take this chance to continue moving further in. Eros had a lot of leeway when fighting Acies, and it could even be said that she was taking it easy on Acies, telling Acies that all of this was unnecessary, Daath already made his choice, there is no need to go against Ignora anymore. Acies said she did not care, they caused me and Nee-chan to be separated from the others, it’s fine if you do not want to help, at least let me beat them up.

Eros did not let her, and said that Yesod’s characteristics was like a mirror, your eyes have turned red due to demonic magic and negative emotions, other Sephirah have a duty to stop you. Your affinity with that demon is too strong, Yesod, as the source of demonic magic, if it sinks too deep, all the Sephirah would be negatively affected, such that all demons and angels would be destroyed. Then she started to absorb Acies’ power, when she was about to succeed, Maou forcefully merged with Acies, coughed up blood, and said they were so wrong choosing Lucifer, they could actually entrust the future to that kind of HikkiNEET who plays games? Then with a burst of energy, he grabbed Eros and said, what the heck was she talking about, you and us, angels, demons, Demon King and Hero, we are only “humans” who do not need to eat and sleep! Do not look down on humans! As he grabbed Eros, he slammed her into the ground, and after that flew up to get into a fist fight with Kamael, knocking off his helmet, he has silver hair and red eyes and was a burly man, half his face had burn marks. Then Eros also climbed to her feet, Acies was also let out, the two continued to fight.

On the other end, Emi and Lailah finally reached where Ignora was, Ignora calmly greeted them with “Good morning”. Ignora was very thin and her eyes were listless, so it was not known why the other angels would submit to her. Ignora said, that is your daughter next to you, right? It feels nice to be a mother, right? You feel that you can overcome all difficulties, right? So you can also understand, the despair I feel when I lost my son, right? Therefore, when we meet again, I would feel limitless hope and happiness. Without waiting for Lailah to speak, she reached out and Lailah knelt in pain. Emi wanted to help, Ignora said, children should not interrupt when the adults were speaking, then she called for a young girl known as Nuxe to deal with Emi. Nuxe had reddish brown hair, olive fringe, golden eyes and addressed Ignora as Mama. Ignora said she was introducing this person to Alas=Ramus, and after she finished speaking, the two Sephirah children started to fight, Ignora also did not care and disappeared with Lailah.

Nuxe introduced herself as Malkuth, Eros’ younger sister, but Alas=Ramus did not know her and only knew Eros. Nuxe reached out to touch Emi’s evil repelling armour. The evil repelling armour disappeared, becoming Yesod fragments in Nuxe’s hand, Nuxe is that astronaut. Nuxe smiled with soulless eyes and said, Mama was afraid of me coming in contact with bad things outside and had me wear the astronaut suit, can I ask you to return the Yesod fragments? Of course Emi refused, letting out a light explosion shockwave to give Nuxe a concussion, temporarily losing her ability to fight. Alas=Ramus said Nuxe is “outside”. Emi’s understanding was that Nuxe was not merged with anyone, therefore Alas=Ramus dragged Emi along had Nuxe merge with Emi (I’m confused too, please don’t ask me about this). Nuxe’s consciousness struggled in Emi’s mind, and remembering Ignora, Emi tolerated the mental shock of someone arguing in her head and went to find Ignora and Lailah

When Emi stepped into that room, there was already three people inside. Lailah was currently being tortured by Ignora, Ignora asked Gabriel who rushed over why he suddenly betrayed her. Raguel was also inside the room, he was sealed inside a chamber (forced sleep), it was the same for Sandalphon who was mentioned earlier. Gabriel asked Ignora aggressively, why are you treating them like this, Sandalphon had been supporting you the whole time, and Daath chose us after so much effort. It was not known if the person beside Gabriel was Lucifer or Utsushihara. Ignora smiled, finally letting go of Lailah, but grabbed her hair and started dragging her along, saying “what happens if the ‘people who were not chosen’ spread across the world, all of you have seen it, right? All of you hidden too deeply, both of you, and also my husband, there was actually no need for this. All of you let the Theocracy grow to that state, that’s why things became like this. After saying this, she stepped on Lailah’s back, and spoke to someone unknown, “Isn’t that right, child?” That unknown person was expressionless, saying “It might be like that, Mama.”

Time skip to three years later again, Maou, Emi and Chiho received a call from Lucifer at the same time, but he did not pick up when they called back. By the way, Lucifer was using a function mobile phone which Maou bought for him earlier. At that time, Lucifer complained why it was not a smartphone, but Maou felt that Lucifer was a homebody and did not need to contact anyone, so it was fine as long as he could make calls. They felt he might have something urgent going on, but since he did not pick up, they could only send messages over to ask. In the end, it was because Lucifer was dragged out by a group of Sephirah to eat and could not afford the bill. The ones present were Lucifer, Acies, Iron, Nuxe and Eros. These few people probably ate a whole cow and Maou could not afford it as well, so he dragged Lailah and Nord in to pay the bill and emptied their wallets. After they finished eating, they chatted as they walked. Lucifer fit in perfectly with the group of Sephirah and Nuxe addressed Lucifer as onii-chan, and even asked him to treat all the Sephirah fairly and not just favour Yesod alone. Chiho offered to pay but Lucifer said there was no need, these Sephirah are my responsibility as their Management Supervisor, so there is a source of finances. Maou said that if he wanted to claim the bill, then keep the receipt properly, Lucifer happily took out the receipt and played with it on the tip of his fingers, an evil light in his eyes.

Three years later, Gabriel was staying in Room 103, he was the one responsible for giving the finances, but he would not pay for Lucifer’s share. Lucifer said that he only drank tea and that the barbecue meat he was looking forward to was not like this! The young Sephirah were playing loudly and Gabriel said that it looked like Lucifer was already an adult and was like an older brother, he was really happy. Then Maou pointed at the second floor and asked how was the situation, Gabriel said there was not much change and she only promised that she would eat. Maou and Lucifer returned to Room 201, talking about the growth of the Sephirah. It seemed like Sandalphon’s life was saved and Maou even had a coffee machine in his room. Lucifer said taking care of these children is like taking care of a tree and he did not think that the gardening skills described by Suzuno were really interesting, Maou said that Suzuno probably did not think that gardening skills could be used in this aspect. Then the two went to the door of Ignora next door, saying that she was eating a little more now, are you worried? Lucifer said he was a little worried. Maou said that if Nuxe was brought over, she might improve a little. Lucifer said, then he would just send Nuxe back, he keeps feeling that she should not let her recover too quickly, it took him a lot of effort to almost get used to this job, it would be troublesome if she came to criticise this and that. Maou said, are you actually Utsushihara? Lucifer said, who knows, but if I  really am him, then you better not think of bad things, okay? And he was resented by Maou.

[adriensaltprompts]

For those unfamiliar with daemons (which is pronounced the same way as ‘demon), they are from the His Dark Materials (don’t be alarmed by the name!) books series, probably also better known as The Golden Compass because they made a movie for the first book...but not the second or third.

You can find the Golden Compass (book 1), Subtle Knife (book 2), and Amber Spyglass (book 3) books here for FREE!

I’m absolutely terrible at describing daemons so to put it simply, they’re the physical manifestation of your soul that is born with you, and they take on the forms of different animals. The daemons of kids can become any animal they want including animals that aren’t real or don’t exist, and can change instantaneously. Around the time you go through puberty, your daemon ‘settles’ into an animal form that somehow represents your personality, and once it settles it can never change shape again.

Daemons are fully sentient, and capable of human speech. They have their own names and personalities, usually balancing out their human half. One human and one daemon makes a whole person. They are two sides of the same coin, the other half of eachother.

A cowardly human might have a bold daemon, a lying human might have a daemon that’s very honest, a kind person would have a mean daemon, ect.

A daemon cannot travel very far from its human and vice versa without both of them experiencing unimaginable agony, both physically and mentally. The distance is most likely close to 25-30ft.

Humans can touch other humans, and daemons can touch other daemons, and of course you and your daemon can touch each other, but it is a massive taboo to touch someone else’s daemon, or to let someone else’s daemon touch you.

Your daemon is your soul, your best friend and sibling. For someone else to touch them is the most intimate act possible.

When it’s done consensually with someone you trust, it can be the most wonderful thing in the world. When done without your consent, it’s more violating and viscerally horrifying than we have words for.

For any His Dark Materials/Miraculous Ladybug crossovers I write, Marinette’s daemon is........well, okay. Bear with me. It wasn’t on purpose. His name is Adrian. I swear to god it wasn’t on purpose. I gave him the name when I first started watching and I literally forgot what Adrien’s name was. But it stuck. So it’s too late to change it. When he settles he’s a main coone tabby cat. Adrien’s daemon is named Keris, and when she settles she’s a pallid bat.

I decided that each Miraculous transforms the holder’s daemon into a specific species when they transform, to keep their identity secret. The Earrings of the Ladybug transform your daemon into a spotted wood owl, and the Ring of the Black Cat transforms your daemon into a pharaoh hound. Haven’t decided on the other ones yet.

Anyways! What with Adrien violating every single boundary Marinette has ever set, what with Adrien blackmailing Plagg with letting over two million people drown, what with Adrien not batting an eye when Marinette’s parents are in mortal peril, what with Adrien not batting an eye when Marinette is possibly dead, I figure he wouldn’t put much stock in the taboo. He very clearly does not care about anyone but himself, and I showed him fighting off the Akuma by himself to further point out how Adrien only pretends to be a good person when people are looking.

He thought he could get away with violating the taboo, but then he realized other people saw it, he realized there would be consequences, so he tried to make up for it by fighting off the Akuma, hoping people would focus more on that than his blatant disregard for Ladybug’s consent.

Adrien has never respected Marinette’s boundaries, personal space, or consent.

Giving them daemons, physical manifestations of their souls,and having him violate the taboo by touching hers without her consent, is just putting a neon sign on everything he already does.

He’s already kissed her without her consent, he already constantly touches her without her consent, he already lies to others about their relationship, he already laughs in her face when she tells him to stop, he already ignored every single boundary she has ever set. He already violates her consent every chance he can get.

Giving them daemons just paints his behavior in flashing neon lights for everyone to see. The civilains could maybe miss the way he harasses her, because they’re busy running away, but no one could miss him touching her daemon, and they absolutely could not miss her and her daemon’s reaction to that touch. No one can pretend like she’s consenting to what he’s doing when he’s violated the most sacred bond imaginable.

If you’re looking for something new to read, I desperately desperately encourage you to read the His Dark Materials series, I’ve re-read them over a dozen times and I will never get tired of it. They’re just as good now as an adult as they were when I read them as a kid. There’s nothing explicit or inappropriate in them, they aren’t graphically violent, and they are guaranteed to make you cry at least once. Please read them. They’re so fantastic. 

I left the name of Marinette and Adrien’s daemons blank, and didn’t specify their species, so people could give them whatever names and forms they want.

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (144/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: This story takes place about 1000 years before 66 years after the events of Dragon Ball Z.

  [3 November, Age 762.   Earth.]  

"Luffa!   Can you hear me?   This is Trunks, calling from the Time Nest!"  

"I was wondering when you'd call," Luffa said.   "I was starting to wonder if this earpiece you gave me got damaged while I was fighting Nappa."

"You did fine with him," Trunks said.   "Gohan and Krillin survived, so history is back on course, but your mission isn't over yet.   My father... Vegeta, he's still possessed by that purple energy.    You'll have to help Goku defeat him to finish the job."    

"Help him?" Luffa asked.    She had been standing on a rock formation for several minutes, observing their battle from a respectful distance.  "First of all, Kakarot seems to be doing just fine on his own.   Second, I wouldn't think of dishonoring him by interfering in his battle.     That goes for your father, too.   We may be enemies in this situation, but we're all Saiyans here."    

"Luffa, you don't understand.   Someone already interfered in this battle by altering history.    Our job is to balance the scales and put things back to normal.    I understand that you don't like the idea of double-teaming an opponent, but it's the only way to restore the timeline."

Luffa didn't budge.    Overhead, Son Goku and Vegeta were battling through the air, and their blows sounded like thunderclaps whenever they connected.    

"You weren't kidding about Kakarot's training in the afterlife," Luffa said.    She pulled a chunk of Saibaman out of her pocket and took a bite while she watched.     "He's improved a lot since Raditz.   It looks like he leapfrogged Nappa while he was at it.    And without Nappa to get in the way, your dad shouldn't be too much trouble."

"You're wrong," Trunks said, his voice growing more desperate.     "Luffa, I know how this battle is supposed to play out.    My father has an ace in the hole.    You must have noticed by now.   He's got a tail, but Goku doesn't!"

"So what?" Luffa asked.   "He'd need the light of Earth's full moon to transform into a giant ape, and the sun hasn't even gone down yet!"

"He doesn't need the moon!" Trunks cried, "he can make his own--"

"Wait a minute," Luffa said before he could finish.   "What the hell is he doing up there?"

High above, Vegeta was ranting and raving about how he was willing to destroy the entire planet to win his fight with Goku.   Luffa could sense his energy building, and he brought his hands together on the left side of his chest.   At the same time, she could sense Goku increasing his own ki to prepare a countermeasure.   But this climactic struggle wasn't what had Luffa's attention.    She floated up into the air to get a better look at Vegeta's posture.  

"Luffa, you've got to do something!" Trunks pleaded through the earpiece.   "Goku barely managed to deflect this attack before, but with that dark energy multiplying my father's power, he won't stand a chance!"

But she wasn't listening to him anymore.     All around her, the skies trembled from the intensity of power Goku and Vegeta were preparing to fire at one another, but Luffa paid no attention to this either.   She simply flew straight towards Vegeta, and just as she reached him, he launched his attack.  

"Gallick Gun!" he screamed as he hurled a column of purple light down at the Earth below.   Goku responded in kind with his own energy beam, similar to the Gallick Gun, but clearly distinct.    Luffa ignored him completely.

"Hey!" she shouted at Vegeta.    "Are you making fun of me?!"

"Wh-what?!" Vegeta gasped as he finally noticed her approach.  

Luffa held up her hands to match Vegeta's pose.   "Don't screw with me, you royalist trash!   I never learned how to do the Galick Gun 'properly', and here you are imitating my style!    Right in front of me!"

"That's absurd!" Vegeta growled.    "This technique has been in my family for centuries!   I've never seen you before in my life.   Tch!   Why am I arguing with you at a time like this?   Who the hell are you?"

"Who am I?!   I'm the lady that's gonna tear you out of frame!"

"Begone, woman, before I--!   No!   No!"

It was this distraction that gave Goku the opening he needed.   Luffa sensed a sudden surge of ki energy from below, and Vegeta's Gallick Gun was  overwhelmed.   In mere moments, Vegeta found himself on the defensive, and finally he was engulfed in Goku's bright blue beam, which launched him higher and higher into the atmosphere.

"Damn youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Vegeta screamed.

Luffa watched him disappear into the stratosphere and extended the middle fingers of both hands to express her farewells.  

"O... okay?" said Trunks through the earpiece.  "I guess that's one way to do it."    

"So is that it?" Luffa said, finally responding to Trunks.   "Wait, is he supposed to die in this battle?    Were you born before or after this happened?"

"That isn't the problem!" Trunks said.    "He's going to roll off of that Kamehameha wave--"

"Kamayhammy-what?"

"The blast Goku just shot at him!" Trunks said.  

"Hey, don't get mad at me for not knowing all this stuff," Luffa shouted.    "You're the one who wanted me to beat up your dad."

"He's... going... to come back... and transform into a giant ape," Trunks insisted.    "You need to keep Goku alive until the others can help--"

"I keep telling you, he doesn't need any help," Luffa said.    "And neither do I.   After taking a hit like that, Vegeta won't have enough power left to... wait, what is that?"

Luffa's had once been the Legendary Super Saiyan, but her power had been severely limited after an incredible battle on Planet Nagaoka.    She had no idea whether this change was permanent, but she had resolved to carry on at least as far as she could to help Trunks.    But the problem was more than just a loss of power.    Whatever had happened to Luffa had also affected her ki perception as well.   And this was a more dangerous affliction, since she wasn't aware of it.     Vegeta rocketed back to the battlefield like a rogue comet, completely catching her off-guard.    

"You two bastards have pushed me far enough!" Vegeta roared.  "As much as the form disgusts me, I can't think of a better way to finish you than to crush you both as a giant ape!"

Luffa was surprised by his speedy return, but she recovered quickly.     "Nice try, idiot.    It'll be at least an hour before it's dark enough for the moonlight to work, and I can beat you into the ground long before then!"

"Moonlight?"  Goku asked.   Luffa knew little about the man, except that he had lived most of his life on Earth, cut off from Saiyan-kind.   She was beginning to suspect that didn't even know he was a Saiyan until his brother Raditz invaded.

"Oh, yes, you thought you were very clever, Kakarot." Vegeta snarled.   "You destroyed this planet's moon so we wouldn't be able to use it against you.    Too bad for you that I have other ways to transform."  

With that, Vegeta began to yell.   He raised his right hand over his head, and curled his fingers as though grasping at the air.    Then a globe of ki energy appeared in his hand, and he made a fiendish grin.  

"What the hell is he doing?" Luffa asked Trunks.   "He put a big chunk of his  ki into that, but he can't hit us both with one attack.   Is he trying to blow up the planet again?"  

"I already told you--" Trunks tried to explain, but Vegeta beat him to it.  

"Burst open and mix!" Vegeta shouted as he launched the energy ball into the sky.   Luffa expected it to explode, or to fly back down and attack either Goku or herself.    Instead, it diffused into the air, and a curious glow appeared...

"It's artificial moonlight!" Trunks shouted through the earpiece.   "If you look at it, you'll turn into a giant ape!"  

But Luffa already knew.   She could sense Vegeta's power rising as the Oozaru transformation took hold.   Nearby, Goku didn't change at all.   He had no tail, and he also seemed to have no idea what Saiyans could change this way.   As for Luffa herself, she could tell Trunks was still talking, and she could hear Vegeta gloating, but she couldn't make out the words over the pounding rhythm of her own heart.

Real or fake, the light Vegeta had created was all Luffa could see.     She could feel herself beginning to change.    It was that... tightness in her skin, the sensation that always seemed to come just before her body violently expanded in size.    Just like the last time.  

On Nagaoka.    

When her body nearly tore itself apart!

A chill ran through her entire body, and she made a strange noise that might have been described as a wail.   And then, just as she felt the effects of the moonlight taking hold, she shut her eyes tightly and averted her gaze.    She wasn't entirely sure of her actions.   It was like her body was acting without her.   Like dropping a hot potato before feeling the heat.    

"No!" she gasped.    "No!"  

"Luffa, what's happening out there?"  Trunks asked.  

"Nothing!    I'm fine!" Luffa lied.   She reached for the earpiece to remove it, or at least turn it off.   But her hands were trembling too badly for her to get a proper grip.   In her frustration, she fired a small ki blast at the side of her head and fried the device.    She smelled burnt hair and electronics, but not burnt flesh, so she was satisfied that she still had at least some control over herself.  

"It's all in your head, you coward!" she snarled as she tucked her hands under her shoulders.  It didn't help.   She was shaking all over now.   It wasn't just the Golden Ape transformation on Nagaoka that haunted her.    She found herself recalling the Tikosi Hiveworld as well.     There, the insectoid scientists of the Tikosi conducted cruel experiments on her.   One in particular was designed to trigger her Giant Ape transformation, only to cancel it partway.    They would turn her back and forth, or simply leave her suspended between forms.   She thought she had worked past that trauma, but Vegeta had proven otherwise.    

Not far away, she could sense Vegeta chasing after Son Goku.    Trunks had told her that the mission depended on her keeping him alive.     Instead, she found herself running in the other direction, desperate to get control over herself.    As she moved, she fired wildly in the direction of the false moon, but it didn't seem to do any good.     Vegeta's technique was a substitute for a genuine moon.    It only made sense that it couldn't be destroyed as easily as the real thing.   She crouched on the ground and cursed herself for lying down in a fetal position while she took stock of her situation.    

"Shouldn't have blasted my own ear like that," she grumbled between rapid breaths.    "But at least the other one still works.    And I can open my damn eyes as long as I keep my back to that light.    That's easy, right?   So why won't I open my eyes?    Oh, you know why not, dammit!   Dammit!"

She wished that her wife was here.    It had taken so long for her to go to Zatte when these episodes happened, and sometimes Luffa wasn't sure Zatte had been able to help much, but at least it had been better than gutting it out alone, and this was worse than just about any nightmare she'd had.   But Zatte was gone, maybe forever.    Just like Dr. Topsas, and all of her other friends, and her parents, and her son... And it wasn't difficult to blame herself for that situation.     She had been too weak, too afraid, and too unworthy, and so she had lost them all, one by one.    And now Trunks was learning that lesson just like everyone else.  All that mattered about her was the Super Saiyan, and that was over now.    Without that thing, she was nothing special, just a woman teetering on the brink of madness.  

Instinctively, she curled her tail between her legs, and felt its fur in her still-trembling hands.   In her darkest hours, Luffa had taken solace in her tail, both for the Saiyan pride it represented, and for the intensive effort she had put into training it as a child.    From a young age, she had believed that if she could overcome the weakness in her tail, she could rise above any other obstacle.   It was why she had taken such offense at Saiyans like King Rehval, who encouraged their people to amputate their tails.    She could hear Goku's agonized screams, even at this distance.    Vegeta had kept his tail, and it was clear which one of them had made the right decision.    

There was a simple solution to her problem.   Luffa could cut off her tail, here, and now, and then she could fight Vegeta without worrying about the fake moon.  It wouldn't be that difficult.   One sharp twist and it would all be over.   It would hurt, but she had suffered far worse pain in her short lifetime.    It would betray her Saiyan pride, but Luffa didn't have much of that left anymore.    Rehval had shown her just how despicable the Saiyan race could truly be, and Raditz had shown her that there were even lower depths they could sink to.    Was this why Goku and Trunks had no tail?   Had they learned the same painful lesson that Luffa was contemplating now?  

Goku's howls grew louder, and Luffa's fear began to give way to rage.   She wanted Vegeta to pay for this humiliation, and if mutilating herself got the job done, then maybe it was worth it.  And then she heard another scream.    

It was Vegeta.    She could barely sense any power from Goku at all, but he had used what little he had to fire a parting shot.    

"Hah!" she whispered through clenched teeth.    "Kakarot, you dog."

Luffa rose to her feet.    

*******

"My eye!    How dare you!" Vegeta roared.  

At the ape's feet, Goku lay broken and defeated, but still defiant.  

"Heh!    Somethin' for ya to remember me by," he gasped.    

Vegeta raised his massive paw to crush his enemy, but then he cried out in pain once again.    When he turned to see who had attacked him, he couldn't help but laugh.    

"You again!" he chuckled.    "And here I thought you had lost your will to fight, woman!    Maybe you have.   If you transformed yourself the way I have, then you might stand a chance.    But it looks like you've come here to die instead!"

Luffa pointed her hand at him, still keeping her eyes shut.   Her tail waved behind her back.   "I don't need the Oozaru form to beat you down, Vegeta," she said.    "Maybe I'll take out your other eye and finish what Kakarot started."

"You filthy scumbag!" Vegeta snarled.   "You dare to challenge me, but you're too frightened of the moonlight to even open your eyes!     When I'm through with you, I'll make what I did to Kakarot seem quick and painless!"

Luffa waved her hand to encourage him to attack.   "Kill me if you think you can kill me," she said darkly.   "It's your only chance."

He rushed towards her, just as Luffa expected him to.    The fear had not subsided, nor had the trembling in her body, but Luffa still had enough in her to keep the Giant Ape busy.   She dodged his blows, and while she couldn't see which of his eyes was injured, it was easy enough to deduce it from his movements.    Luffa made sure to stay on his blind side and fired as many ki blasts into his flank as she could muster.    

It wasn't about beating him.    She would if she could, but she knew the goal now had to be to stall him.    From Trunks' perspective, this battle was history, and it had already been fought and won without Luffa's involvement.    All she had to do was keep Vegeta too occupied to kill anyone that he wasn't supposed to.   All she had to do was counteract the dark energy that still churned inside of him.    Luffa could sense this on top of his Saiyan power, and she knew that this alien power was her true enemy.      

As she ducked and dodged, she fought to overcome her terror.    It was just like it had been with Nappa.   Each time he hit her, she felt herself getting stronger.   Against Vegeta, she doubted that she could survive many of his attacks, so she focused on mental strength instead.  Each blow he failed to land was a boost for her confidence.    

This was the wisdom she had gained from her tail.    This was why she couldn't cut it off, even now, when it made all the sense in the world.   As a little girl, she had forced herself to overcome her weakness.   Not all at once, like some brazen Super Saiyan smashing her way through entire armies, but one step at a time.    She would survive this Vegeta, and then she would overcome him, and then she would surpass him.     That was the way of her people.   Maybe they had all forgotten, but she still remembered.  

And she always would.

*******

[February 25, Age 850.   Toki Toki City.]

Luffa returned to the Time Nest victorious, but badly hurt.   In the unadulterated history, the fateful battle between Goku and Vegeta was a mismatch to begin with.   Between the dark energy amplifying Vegeta's strength, and Luffa's mysteriously diminished power, restoring the timeline had proven just as tricky.  

"I'm just glad that fat guy with the sword showed up when he did," Luffa grumbled as she wiped the blood off her face.   "Your dad's one stubborn bastard, that's for sure."

"I'm sorry.   I should have retrieved you from the time jump," Trunks said.   He reached out to help Luffa up off the floor.    

She nearly waved him off, but thought better of it and accepted his help.   It wasn't because she wanted it, but she suddenly realized how little she knew about Trunks, or this world he had dragged her into.   Helping him had been almost automatic for her, after years of diving headlong into adventures as a Super Saiyan, but the fight with Vegeta and Nappa had forced her to admit that those days were behind her, at least for the time being.   This new situation called for a more cautious approach.   She wasn't sure she could trust Trunks, but it might work to her favor to get him to think he could trust her.    

"Thanks," she said, hoping that it sounded sincere.  

"It's the least I can do," Trunks said.   "I wish I could join you on these missions, but I need to stay here in case I get a bead on whoever's behind this."  

"Don't worry about me," Luffa said.   "I may look pretty banged up, but I got a lot out of that last scrap just now.    My power isn't back to normal yet, but with a few more fights like that one, and I'll be ready for anything."

"It's not that," Trunks said.    "You were chosen by Shenron, so I know you can handle it.    It's just... well, I wouldn't mind fighting with my father one more time, even if it's on opposite sides."

"I wouldn't know," Luffa mumbled.   She had killed her own father long ago, and found the experience disappointingly anticlimactic.   She wasn't sure if she envied Trunks or pitied him.

He led her out of the Time Vault, but before they could leave the Time Nest, he heard a noise from above, and they looked up to find a large bird soaring in the upper reaches of the Time Nest.   It suddenly occurred to Luffa that the entire structure of this place resembled an enormous birdcage floating in some sort of green cosmic haze.    

Then they heard the click of heels on the cobblestone road that connected the Time Vault to the portal leading to the city, and they looked down to see someone walking towards them.   It was a woman, even shorter than Luffa, with mauve skin and coral pink hair.   Her clothes were similar to Luffa's compression shirt and baggy pants, but over this she wore a purple jacket with a yellow sash tied around the waist.   The cut of the jacket was unusual, as the lower section billowed out around her lower legs, almost like a dress.    The upper section stopped at her torso and wrapped loosely about her arms, exposing her shoulders completely.    Her neck-length hair was styled in a way that revealed her pointed ears and a pair of large yellow gems that hung from her lobes.

"He-loooooo!" she said cheerfully.   As Trunks nervously returned her greeting, she noticed Luffa, and waved to her.    

"Er, this is the Master of the Time Nest," Trunks explained.    "She's the Supreme Kai of Time, and a very important person."

As he said all of this, the Kai stood behind him and began posing and making silly faces.    Luffa had no idea how to take this.  

"Kai," Luffa said.   "I've heard about them before.   They're like the kami, who oversee different planets, right?"

"Sort of," Trunks said.    "Only the Kais are on a level above that.     And the Supreme Kais are higher still.   She manages the flow of time throughout the entire universe, keeping a close eye on history and protecting it."

As he said this, the bird that had been circling above them chose this moment to alight on the Supreme Kai of Time's head.   It was at this moment Luffa noticed that the bird was  about the same size as the Kai.   Before she could ask what the bird was called, the Kai angrily shooed it off of her head and started scolding it like a child.    The bird cooed in reply, and it was impossible to tell if it understood her words or not.  

Luffa looked at Trunks, who seemed even more confused, if such a thing was possible.    

"Well, like I said, she's an important person.  Just trust me..." he said with an awkward chuckle.  

Luffa shrugged and nodded indifferently.    When it became clear that the Kai was no longer paying attention to them, Trunks resumed escorting Luffa to the city.

*******

Luffa's second visit to the hospital was much shorter than the first.   The Namekian healer, Pulmon, rejuvenated her just as quickly as before, and this time she didn't need to sleep.  After her discharge, she and Trunks began to roam the walkways of Toki Toki City

"I'm still waiting to hear back from Admin about your quarters," Trunks said.   "It's probably going to take a while to get you back home.   The Dragon Balls won't reactivate for at least six months, and that's assuming we won't need them for some other crisis."  

"Don't worry about it," Luffa said.   "I... I don't really have any pressing business waiting for me.   Besides, I can always take a spaceship."  

"We, uh, don't really have those here," Trunks said.  

"You can travel through time, but not space?"

"Pretty much," Trunks said.    "The Supreme Kai of Time created Toki Toki City as a base for the Time Patrol.   Most of us are from Earth, and Earth is pretty isolated from the rest of the universe."  

"That's pretty much what Pulmon told me about his own people," Luffa said.   "I was asking him about The Camelian Empire, trying to get a handle on how far it is from Earth, but he said he'd never heard of it."

"The Camelian Empire?" Trunks said.   "I've never heard of it either.   Is that where you're from?"

"No," Luffa said.    "I was born in interstellar space.   Never spent too much time in one place.   I lived on a few planets for a while, but none of them were what you'd call landmarks.   But Camelia's a big deal, with a lot of star systems under their control.   If I knew where that was in relation to Earth, I could get my bearings.    But it's starting to sound like this is a pretty isolated part of the galaxy, or maybe a whole other galaxy."

"We'll get to the bottom of this, Luffa," Trunks said.   "But I appreciate you helping us out in the meantime."

"Don't mention it," Luffa said.    "You've got Saiyan blood yourself.   So you know I'd go stir crazy without some action.   What I don't understand is how even the Saiyans I've been fighting could be so different from the ones I know," Luffa said.  "Nappa claimed that your father was the result of generations of breeding, like he was this ultimate warrior, but he wasn't that strong.   If my ki wasn't all out of whack, I could have taken care of them both without any trouble.   So what was he bragging about?"

"Well, my father was the strongest Saiyan of that era," Trunks said.   "From what I've heard, back on Planet Vegeta--"

"Yeah, Nappa mentioned a Planet named after your old man," Luffa said.    "I've never heard of it.   It's like there was this whole other population of Saiyans completely cut off from mine, with their own kings.   Could this be connected to whoever's been changing history?"

"Hmm... Well, it's not impossible," Trunks said.  "But the temporal incursions we've been seeing are all confined to a fairly recent period, a few decades at most.  I think the enemy would have to go back pretty far to change the Saiyan homeworld.    On the other hand, I've gotta admit, I know a lot more about time travel than Saiyan history.    Wait a minute... of course!"

"What is it?" Luffa asked.    

Trunks drove his left fist against his right palm as he spoke.    "I should have thought of this before," he said.   "We have a research division in the Time Patrol.    One of them could probably clear this up for us.    They might even be able to track down some planets you're familiar with."

"Perfect," Luffa said.    "Where do we find these guys?"

Before Trunks could answer, there was a beeping noise from inside the sleeve of his jacket.    He held up his left hand to reveal a wristwatch communicator.    

"It's the Supreme Kai of Time," Trunks said.   "She must have discovered another change in history."   He touched a button on the face of his watch and said: "This is Trunks.    Go ahead."

"What's the big idea walking out on me while I was dealing with Tokitoki?"  replied the agitated voice on the other end of the call.     "That's extremely disrespectful, you know!"

"I--!   I'm sorry!" Trunks said.   "I just... it seemed like you were busy, and I needed to see to Luffa's injuries and--"

"What sort of example does that set for a new recruit, huh?   Did you even think of that?   Look, just get back here, okay?   I need to show you something!"

"R-right!" Trunks said.    He switched off the transmission and hung his head.   "I need to go," he said with a sigh.  "It sounds like something important.   At least, I hope it is..."

Luffa began to crack her knuckles.   "If it's another mission, that suits me just fine," she said.   "I need to blow off some steam."

"No, if she didn't want me to come alone, she would have said so," Trunks said.  "And this might just be a waste of time.    You can talk to someone at the Research building while I handle this."    He pointed to a box-shaped building in the distance.    "Number 731.   You can't miss it.    Just tell them I sent you.    You can find me at the Time Nest when you're finished."    

With that, he turned and ran, leaving Luffa by herself.   She shrugged, and made her way to the structure.    As she approached, she stared at the large glyphs on its wall and tried to memorize them for future reference.    

*******

The inside of the Time Patrol Research Corps building looked completely different from the high-tech exterior.    The walls were stone and ceramic tile, and the lighting was produced by a series of long tubes that hung from electrical fixtures on the ceiling.   Along the halls were wooden doors with square glass window panes.     As Luffa couldn't read the room numbers or the placards, she simply peeked into each window, looking for an unlocked office with someone inside.    When she finally found one, she couldn't see anyone through the window, but she could hear voices from within.    She took five steps inside, and discovered a man and a woman leaned up against a desk, making out.    

"Whoa!" Luffa said as she averted her gaze.  

"Uh!    Can I help you?" the man blurted out awkwardly.  

"Right!  Yes!" the woman added.   "Can I help you?   Um, also?"  

They were fully dressed, but Luffa was unsettled enough that she held up her arm, as though afraid to look directly at them.    "I... I need a historian?" she said.   "Someone who specializes in Saiyan history, maybe?"  

"Oh!  Um... well I'm a dietitian," the man said.  

"I don't actually work here," the woman said.   "I'm with maintenance.  Here to fix..."

"The wiring."  

"Right!   Yeah, the wiring.    I should... really get back to that."

"Look, I just need to know where your history department is," Luffa said, "and I'll let you get back to... whatever you were doing."

"Dewar's still here, isn't he?" the woman asked.    

"Probably.   He almost never leaves his office.   He's down in the basement.    Room Number 034."  

"Look, let's just assume I can't read," Luffa said.    She didn't particularly want either of them to show her where to go, but she didn't want to waste time either.    

"It's the room with the foil on the window," the man said.  "You can't miss it."  

Luffa muttered a few words of gratitude and shut the door behind her.   Two minutes later, she stood before an identical door in an identical hallway, only this one was underground, and the door had aluminum foil covering the window.   She could hear people talking and laughing inside.    Having lost a good deal of patience, she didn't bother knocking, and simply walked right in.  

She found an alien inside, sitting in an old leather office chair.     He looked mostly humanoid, save for a thick tail that he had threaded between the back of the chair and the seat.   His feet were propped up on a bookshelf.     They looked like the toes of a bird, or some sort of dinosaur.    His hairless head had an odd shape to it, like a nut with a slight point at the top.    And his skin was a pale blue color.     He didn't even notice Luffa's entrance.    His attention was firmly on a small video monitor that was sitting on top of a file cabinet.    

"Ha!  That's what you get, Queen Trowel!   Next time, listen to your advisers instead of cutting out their tongues!   Huh?   Hah?"

He cupped his hand over one of the rimmed holes on the sides of his head and leaned closer to the screen.    "What was that, Your Majesty?   You say there won't be a next time, because Sergeant Prunshir shot you a hundred times?     Ohhhhh!   Who could have seen that coming?    Heh heh heh!"

"Are you Dewar or not?" Luffa asked, startling the alien.  In his excitment, he dropped the box of snacks he was holding.    

"Holy crap," he yelled, gasping at the chest of his tank top.   "Oi, what's the big idea?   The sign on the door says 'Do Not Disturb', doesn't it?    Can't you read?"  

"No, I can't," Luffa said.    

"Oh."   He put his thumb on his chin and considered the door behind Luffa.   "Maybe I should look into a pictogram.    Something with a picture of a guy knocking, because apparently nobody knows how to do that anymore!"  

"Oh, I know how to knock," Luffa said, "I just don't care.   I need a historian.   Trunks sent me here."

"Trunks?!"  he asked.   "Welllllll now, this just got very interesting.   The big shot Time Patrollers don't usually call down here for us little old researchers."   He reached for a holster that was lying haphazardly across his desk, and as he stood up to wrap it around his waist, his tail snaked into one of the desk drawers and produced a pistol.    

"What's the gun for?" Luffa asked.

"What isn't it for?" Dewar said as he held it up and admired the craftsmanship of it.   "I'm nowhere near as strong as Trunks, but I've done a few field missions from time to time.   Never let it be said that Dewar, pride of the Research Corps, can't hold his own in a fight.   But it never hurts to have a little insurance, eh?"

"Pride of the...?   They stuck you in the basement," Luffa grumbled.   "Look, this isn't a field mission, at least not yet.   I just needed to pick your brain for a minute."   She pointed at the monitor he had been watching.    "Maybe you can pull up some images from history, like whatever you're working on here."

"Oh, that?" Dewar said with a chuckle.   He reached out with his tail and pressed the "off" button with the very tip.    "This is just a TV set.  I was watching some old dramas from Ryno VII."  

Luffa put her hand over her face and shook her head.    

"What?" he asked.   "It's an important window into their culture!"  

"I need to talk to someone about Saiyan history," Luffa said.  "Do you know anything about that?"

"Saiyans?    Wellllll now, the plot thickens, eh?   Let me just get my notes and I'll join you both at the Time Nest."  

"No," Luffa said.   "Just you and me.  For now.   I mean... Trunks has a lot going on, right?    No need to pull him away from what he's doing."  

"Hmm, I guess he is a pretty busy guy.    Fine, where's your quarters?"  

"I don't have a room assignment," Luffa said.  "I don't know what the holdup is."  

Dewar threw his hands up.   "Those dopes in Admin!" he said.    "Always taking their sweet time.    Looks like I'll have to bail them out again!"  

Before Luffa could ask what he meant, he reached into the pocket of his jeans and withdrew a  device that looked like a large pen.    He then powered up a computer terminal in the corner, and plugged the pen into an access port on the side.    

"What are you doing?" Luffa asked.  

"Admin goes through all these silly algorithms to assign living quarters," Dewar explained.   "It's all a lot of nonsense.   Somebody tried to rig it to match roommates by blood types, which only slows things down.    Fortunately, I, er, acquired a master access fob a while back.   Oh, I told myself I'd only use it in an emergency, but the bureaucratic wheels turn so damn slow, and there's so many poor souls like yourself who cry out for help.   I can't just leave you on the streets, now can I?    What did you say your name was?"

"Luffa," she groaned.  

"Ah, nice name.   Haven't heard that one before, but very Saiyan.     There we are!   See?  Now this was exactly what I was talking about.   They've got a dozen openings, but they're waiting on results from some personality quiz that you probably didn't even know you were supposed to take!   Wellllll now, I'll just fix that.    Favorite food...?  Cup noodle, of course.    Tree you identify with...?   Redwood sounds good."

"What's a redwood?" Luffa asked.

Dewar shrugged without looking up from his work.    "Never seen one before, but I'm guessing they're red.   And... blood type is XJ3.    A minute to process the data, annnnnnnd...  Bingo!"

He snapped his fingers and looked back to Luffa.    "Piece of cake!   Come on, Luffa, let's take a look at your new home at..."  He looked back at the screen to read the address, and his mood quickly deflated.   "Oh... oh nooo..."

"What is it?" Luffa asked.  

"Er, nothing!   Nothing to worry about!" he said cheerfully.    "I just noticed that you've got a roommate!   Nothing to worry about.   I'm sure you'll get along just fine.    Jayncho's a little anti-social, but once you get to know her, she's a really nice lady!   Heh heh!   Uh... yes."  

He shut off his computer and gestured for Luffa to follow him out of the office.   As she followed, Luffa noticed that he was still carrying his sidearm...

NEXT: Fitting In.

[zestycompress]

Ultimate Duo! Ch. 3

sorry for forgetting to post </3 i dont do it on purpose

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Giorno has never gotten his face licked before. Surprisingly, Bruno was right. He was lying about Luca’s death. But now that he thought about it, how did he realize that he had little talent? Did he practice? How many people has he licked before? When did he realize it was sweat that revealed the truth? Actually, maybe it was best that he didn’t know. Some questions are better left unanswered.

If only he was given the chance to wipe the now-dry trail of saliva off his face. Bruno summoned his Stand, it was blue and white with golden spikes and zippers. Its ability was to create zippers, which was not that much of a surprise. However, it had proven to be quite useful. Having a part of your body unzipped was a bizarre feeling. The unzipped area felt a bit numb. When Giorno stuck his hand into the opening, it felt strange. Words could not properly describe what the inside of the zipper felt like. (Would it be considered the inside of his body or the inside of the zipper?) It wasn’t entirely unpleasant, but his current situation didn’t make it nice either.

Despite it being Giorno’s first time using his Stand to fight another human being, it didn’t go so bad.

But things started going downhill once Bruno escaped the funicular by using his Stand to create an opening. If he told his associates that Giorno was the one who killed Leaky-Eye Luca, he’d be in deep trouble, perhaps Kars would become a target as well. It would be unnecessary for them to go after him since he wasn’t involved with Luca’s death, but that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t try keeping him hostage in order to bring out Giorno.

If Bruno was a Stand user, chances are that he knows others who are Stand users as well. Giorno didn’t know much about Kars, but he hoped he had some kind of way to defend himself from something he can’t see. The only ability Giorno’s aware of is that Kars can transform a part of his body into a plant, possibly other things as well, he wasn’t sure. Maybe if Giorno actually asked about Kars’s abilities, he would know what he’s capable of. Instead, he just gave him all that he knows about Gold Experience. Not a smart move.

Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about Kars, Giorno should be focusing on the present. He couldn’t let Bruno get away. If he catches him, he wouldn’t have to worry about any gangsters trying to avenge Luca by killing him.

...Too bad he managed to disappear in one of the civilians he crashed into.

Creating zippers is an unique ability, Bruno was lucky to have a Stand able to do that. There were plenty of things he could do with the power. However, Giorno didn’t want to know what kinds of things he’d do, especially to an enemy.

Giorno held a small tooth between his fingers as the civilians scattered. Using Gold Experience, he turned it into a common house fly. The little insect should lead him straight to Bruno Bucciarati.

And that it did.

The small fly landed on a civilian's shoulder. They swatted it, but the small insect seemed to refuse to leave them alone. The person smacked it with the back of their hand, soon feeling the pain reflected right back at him. Bruno was forced to reveal himself, coughing up blood as the fly transformed back into its original form, a tooth.

Giorno walked towards him, more than ready to end the fight. He was a bit disappointed to have involved innocent people in his fight, but he did what had to be done.

~~~

“It’s because you have a good soul.” Bruno stared dumbly at the blond teenager. “You’re in the mafia, but you’re decent.”

Giorno had noticed his hesitation when he saw the arm covered in scars, no doubt caused by drug use. Bruno was clearly disturbed by it, maybe even disgusted. He couldn’t blame him. There were people in this world willing to sell drugs to children without any sort of guilt. They’re causing people so young to become addicted to drugs and it sickens him. They don’t care because they’re only interested in making money. What a terrible world. Even worse, nobody makes an effort to stop it, but Giorno is going to change that.

He was going to become a mafioso, climb to the top, and overthrow the boss. He’ll take back Italy and change everything for the best, and Bruno will be joining him.

A nearby group of children played football, accidentally kicking the ball over to Bruno and hitting him with it. He turned around, not upset in the slightest, and returned their ball by kicking it back. The kids shouted thanks and resumed their game.

“Fine, I’ll report that I was unable to locate Luca’s attacker, then I’ll introduce you to begin the initiation process, but you should know,” Bruno walked closer. “If it ever gets out that you’re attempting to take down the boss, I’ll be forced to cut ties with you. A traitor stands alone on an island of isolation. Your failure will be yours and yours alone.”

Giorno thought about Kars, then turned to face Bruno. “What if I want to bring someone along? For the initiation process, I mean.”

“I suppose you could,” He responded. “I’m assuming that they have the same goals as you, right?”

He was silent, allowing a certain memory to come back to him.

“Signore Kars.”

“Hmm?”

“I want to become a Gang-Star.”

“...Don’t let anybody get in your way.”

Even if it was a small interaction, Kars seemed to be supportive - well, based on his tone of voice, it was more like he was saying “just do it already.” Closest thing to supportive - but that’s besides the point, Kars didn’t seem to care at all. He was most likely going to say no if Giorno asked if he wanted to join the mafia with him. However, if Giorno mentions how there might be other Stand users, he’d agree to it.

“...Not exactly,” The blond teen finally answered. “By the way, could we make a quick stop?”

“If you need to go pick up your friend, go. I have a few things I need to attend to. There’s this place we’re going to meet up at, don’t be late.”

~~~

Giorno could recognize Kars from anywhere, his height and long hair makes him stick out like a sore thumb. The Pillar Man turned around when he heard the young boy call out his name, quickly jogging up to him.

“Signore Kars, I must ask you something very important!” Giorno said.

He seemed a bit disinterested, but that’s just his usual expression.

“What is it?” He replied, silently taking note of how much shorter the teen is compared to him.

“I am going to be joining Passione, it’s uh, it’s a gang, basically,” It felt a bit weird speaking to Kars. Perhaps it’s the amount of pressure he feels just by making eye contact with him. His bright crimson eyes made Giorno feel weak, afraid almost. He hated staring into them, but he wasn’t going to let Kars know about his opinion on his eyes. “I just wanted to know if you’d like to join me. I believe there’ll be other Stand users there.”

The mention of Stand users sparked interest, a grin appeared on Kars’s face. “Stand users, you say? I suppose I could…”

“Well, I’ll be leading the way.”

~~~

Bruno had to use all his strength to not gawk at Kars. To be honest, he was expecting another teen, not a whole adult! Was this someone Giorno was related to? He couldn’t see any sort of similarities so it was unlikely. Maybe he was his step-father? No, Giorno would’ve probably mentioned that already.

Whether they were family or not, it wasn’t any of Bruno’s business. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“The capo who will decide both of your futures in the famiglia is a man named Polpo. By the way,” His gaze turned to Kars. “What’s your name?”

The Pillar Man glanced at Giorno, then returned his focus to Bruno. “Kars,” He said then added. “The ultimate lifeform.”

“Right…” Bruno eyed Kars as if he didn’t believe him. He pointed at the building with his thumb. “Go on now. He resides here in this building.”

“But.. but this is…” Giorno murmured. “It’s a prison.”

“That’s right, Polpo was convicted and sentenced to fifteen years in prison. He still issues orders and manages the famiglia, but he does it all within those walls. He can leave his confinement whenever the desire strikes him, but he chooses not to.” Bruno explained. He pointed at the duo. “Listen, in a matter of minutes, he’ll conduct both of your interviews. It’s imperative you pass. It’s no different from an ordinary interview. His mood will dictate its content, and remember… he cannot find out.”:

Kars had a puzzled expression, Giorno never told him about his reason for joining.

“I understand.” The blond teen replied. He gave Kars a “follow me” gesture and walked inside the prison.

~~~

“Before you head in, I’m going to need your watch and everything in your pockets on this tray. After that, you can move onto the pat-down.”

Giorno placed his bag on the tray and checked his pockets. Kars did the same, but had nothing in them. The young Stand user noticed the guards weapons, staring at them for a moment then returned to what he was doing. The gates opened and the two were allowed to pass. Kars awkwardly ducked underneath the entrance to avoid hitting his head.

“Please stand over there, hands above your head,” A guard told Giorno before turning to Kars. “It’ll be your turn in a moment, signore.”

As he goes through the body check, she gives them both directions to Polpo’s cell. The guard repeats the process with Kars and allows the two to pass. The corridor was dark and when the lights in the cell flickered on, it revealed that it was empty. Kars frowned, expecting to see a person inside. Sighing, he turned to Giorno, about to complain that he wasted his time until a voice echoed in the cell.

“It’s injured, isn’t it? Your left arm.”

What was believed to be a bed was actually a man. Not so surprisingly, it caught the duo off guard.

“I spy a faint yet distinct red marking on the fingers of your right hand that signifies you were gripping something. I’d say to the markings left behind by a bag and based on that fact, you’ve been carrying the bag exclusively in your right hand.” Polpo sat up, examining Giorno’s hand. Kars hummed, now focused on the teenager’s fingers as well. The capo had a good eye. “Now why would that be?”

“Well first of all, you’re correct. I carried my bag with my right hand, also I did injure my left arm earlier.” He replied.

Polpo laughed and opened a refrigerator next to him. “Oh, I envy your youthful body and reckless spirit. And you there,” He turned to Kars. “Your eyes, they reveal a lot about you. Despite your young appearance, it seems like you’ve been around for a long time. I wonder, do you travel?” The man grabbed a wine bottle and a glass as he spoke. Curiously, Giorno glanced up at Kars. He was tense and his eyebrows were furrowed.

“By the by, do either of you drink wine? This chianti classico is molto buono,” He popped the cork off. “And when paired with a few crackers, scamorza, and the right amount of caviar, it’s perfection.”

“We’re not allowed to give you anything,” Giorno said as Polpo poured himself a glass of wine.

“Nor can we accept things from you.” Kars finished, almost sounding harsh.

“Puh! That’s just a silly formality. What people say when watched and what they do when no one’s around,” He clicked a button on a remote which revealed his hidden items. “Are two entirely different things! Therein lies the beauty and ugliness of this fickle thing we call humanity.”

A quiet laugh almost escaped Kars when the capo mentioned “humanity.”

“I suppose the only real tragedy to being holed up in this cell is, well,” He continued to speak as Giorno began to ponder the reason why he stays in his cell.

“Bucciarati already told me all about you,” Polpo said. “So you two desire to be a part of our famiglia, do you? It was Giorno Giovanna, wasn’t it? And he never gave me a name for you…”

“I am Kars,” He responded, the man cocked an eyebrow.

“...Just Kars? Hmm, alright. Well then, if you two are ready to begin, let’s commence with the interview,” He began to bite the tips of his fingers which disturbed Giorno. He got distracted by a cuckoo clock and once he turned back, Polpo was holding a lighter.

“When you're separating the wheat from the chaff, what do you think the most important factor for one to consider? Think carefully Kars & Giovanna,”

“What a person can do, correct?” Giorno answered.

“Oh, well what can you ragazzi do?”

The teen dropped the wallet and cash he stole from one of the guards, the one who patted him down to be exact.

Polpo laughed. “Is that all you brought to impress me, Giovanna?”

“Well besides that, I have this other little trick I can do.” Giorno folded his ear into his head, making the man laugh once more. The two turned to Kars, waiting for him to do something.

He raised his arm, a blade suddenly appeared, it gleamed brightly. Giorno squinted, the light hurt his eyes a bit, but he still admired it. The blade shone beautifully. Though, it didn’t seem that impressive to Polpo.

“Hmm, but you see, there’s something very important we haven’t discussed yet…” Polpo said. “...and that is the delicate subject of trust!”

Giorno mentally sighed, expecting to go through the same conversation Leaky-Eye Luca gave him. Kars didn’t bother listening. He was a little grossed out by the fact that the man was using his pinky finger to remove some food in between his teeth. He even flicked it at Giorno who surprisingly didn’t flinch. Not even a little.

“My test will tell me exactly how trustworthy you two are,” Polpo lifted a lighter in front of them. “Concerning flame of this lighter reveals all!” Giorno moved to grab the lighter from a small opening. “Now take it in hand and go, you both are not to let the flame expire. This could be a little teamwork practice for you two.”

The flame wavered, causing Giorno to move his hand back. “Aspetta! I warn you, exercise extreme caution. The 17th century theologian Fuller once said he’s my friend that speaks well of me behind my back, you’d do well to remember those words.”

Kars rolled his eyes, not caring about a word the capo said. He walked towards the lighter as he spoke. Carefully, he grabbed the lighter, holding it as if it was a delicate flower. The Pillar Man allowed Giorno to hold onto it. The expression on his face clearly said “Don’t you dare mess this up!”

“You have twenty-four hours, I look forward to our second meeting tomorrow, 3:00 PM. Don’t be late.”

Giorno could feel himself sweating a bit. He was starting to get rather anxious. This was the only chance he has and he couldn’t mess it up.

“ALL VISITORS MUST PROCEED THROUGH THE GATE FOR A FINAL PAT-DOWN.”

...That voice didn’t help.

~~~

A guard pointed his gun at Giorno as the young boy racked his brain for ideas that could get him out of this situation. Kars leaned down and whispered, “We could kill them and leave, can’t we? You just got the damn lighter, there’s no way that we’re failing this early…”

Giorno shook his head. “No, I think I got this.”

He lifted his arms above his head, feeling the flame burn his skin. Kars could see and smell the smoke, it wasn’t pleasant. The female guard patted him down, telling him he was free to go before grabbing his wrist. She reminded him that accepting anything from Polpo was prohibited. Kars frowned, preparing himself to slice her head off with his brilliant bone blade once she found the lighter.

A flower.

Instead of a lighter, it was a flower.

It caught Kars a bit off guard, but that’s something he wouldn’t admit out loud. The guard wasn’t expecting that either, but she allowed Giorno to keep it. The blond teen looked back at the Pillar Man. He could’ve sworn he saw a small smile on his lips. The woman urged him to keep moving. Giorno collected all his things and left, waiting for Kars outside the prison. The flower transformed back into a lighter.

Walking back to his room with Kars following behind him was… sort of weird. It was clear he was an adult and students stared at him. With just one glare, they turn away and move faster. Kars could be so effortlessly intimidating. A gust of wind almost blew the flame out. The Pillar Man transformed his right arm into a wing, using it to shield the flame.

“Here, give it to me,” Giorno handed the lighter over to Kars, making it easier for the man to protect the flame. The two ignored a group of students who called out to them to take some photo for them. Soon, Kars’s arm returned to normal as they entered the building.

The blond teen carefully held the lighter once Kars returned it to him. He grabbed a piece of bread, took a bite out of it, and shoved the object into it. He felt the Pillar Man’s eyes boring into him, definitely judging him for his action. Giorno rearranged the objects on his desk to protect the flame.

“I think it should be fine, a little draft shouldn’t be enough to blow it out,” He moved to lock the window. “By the way, signore Kars-”

Before he could finish speaking, he noticed someone opening his door, he quickly mouths “hide” to Kars. Giorno hides outside his window as Kars shapeshifts his body to hide in the cupboards. It was pretty bizarre to watch.

The Japanese tourist, Koichi Hirose, entered the room. He was searching for his passport. Giorno watched helplessly as he looked through his closet and opened his drawers. Using Gold Experience, Giorno transforms a lamp cord into a snake. The animal bit the bread, moving it up and out of Koichi’s reach. Unfortunately, the flame burned its skin and forced it to drop the bread. Now it's been noticed.

Luckily, Koichi was focused on his passport which gave Giorno time to get back the lighter. The distraction also gave Kars time to get out of the cabinets.

To be honest, Giorno wanted to question Kars ability. He has the ability to shapeshift. He could turn his arm into a bird’s wing and flatten his body to get through the small spaces in his cabinet.

“Just missed you there, sorry about that!” The old janitor began rambling about something silly. Giorno stared down at his wet hands… and the wet lighter. The flame was extinguished.

Despite being behind him, the teen could feel the ungodly amount of rage radiating off of Kars. The Pillar Man was making low, almost demonic growling. He muttered curses and glared at the old man. It took a whole lot of willpower not to kill him right then and there.The janitor reignites the lighter and hands it back to Giorno.

Both Giorno and Kars could tell something was off, but neither of them knew what it was.

Suddenly, the blond teen sees something walking by and disappearing behind a column.

“Kars… I think I saw…”

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO REIGNITED THE FLAME!”

Giorno was able to hear the voice, but Kars couldn’t.

“I OFFER TWO PATHS, BUT YOU MUST PICK THE ONE THAT WILL LEAD TO SALVATION!” Turning around, Giorno sees the Stand grabbing onto the poor janitor’s soul. “TIME TO CHOOSE, DO YOU LIVE ON AND BECOME ONE OF THE CHOSEN OR DO YOU PROCEED ALONG THE PATH OF DEATH?”

An arrow appeared from its mouth which Kars was able to see. Giorno felt pain when he saw the man's soul, his expression showed how terrified he was. He wanted to do something, but there wasn’t a thing he could do. The arrow went through his head. When nothing happened, the Stand threw his body back and Giorno caught it.

The first thing noticed is how there was no wound, yet he was only a corpse. He moved back while Kars stayed in place. The Pillar Man glanced at Giorno, silently asking if the Stand had moved yet.

Before he could make any response, the Stand dashed towards him, probably to pull out his soul and pierce him with the arrow as well.

Looks like someone has gotten into another unwanted Stand battle.

[amieyhko]

Escapril 2019

escaprilday 2019 // 1: a fresh start

two Costco bags full of

umma-certified clean clothes,

“unpacking cannot begin with wet clothes”

Taipei humidity is unkind.

coins clink,

white noise revs

drowning out the drizzle

as heart somersaults

to the rhythm of the cycles:

what — tum — am I — ble

doing — tumble — here?

the darks tumble its final spin

as the lights

click —

into a stop.

a whiff into a warm towel

warns me the comforts of home,

promising

of munchies, blankies, and speedy wifi

of cushy floor space where crafting

and writing past midnight can be done in secret

but —

fold — maybe — toss — I changed —

yellow blouse — or gave up too easily —

fold — or could it be —

toss — I’m listening to all the wrong voices? —

red turtleneck — no — flick —

wait, this is so soft now, I guess the washing machine in that guest house in Seoul was indeed really terrible —

fold — yes, this is how it should feel on my skin —

toss – my heart knows, though —

fuzzy sock — maybe home is where I need to be right now —

into basket — there’s nothing wrong with —

grab — starting over again.

escaprilday 2019 // 2: april showers

you said all memorable moments

include an unexpected deluge

I nod and laugh

as the metro ac pierces through

my drenched jacket

I shiver as I feel my clammy socks

cling onto my not-rainproof Docs

("they're not?" you ask in shock)

ears ringing still

from speakers booming

throat scratchy from scream-singing

at the top of our lungs.

still, you smile, shiver, and say,

with half-dazed eyes,

all good memories

end in rain.

escaprilday 2019 // 3: incorporate music

“Hope I’m not tired of rebuilding”

at this in-between

this time of heating up lukewarm lattes

and microwaving soggy french fries,

a surrendering of old and new

kindles a familiar tune:

“not what’s easy, what do you want?”

at this in-between,

the seconds between a squat and a jump

or the hours during an endless free fall,

a whisper sings an awakening:

“even a phoenix dies”

so at this in-between

muster up the strength to

inhale blue

and exhale gold.

escaprilday 2019 // 4: anxiety

lacuna

¡amiga!” he chimes like clockwork

with a sonrisa that has probably charmed plenty of hearts.

my fist bumps his and I walk toward the dark halls

where they tilt their heads forward and say

“안녕하세요” they grin,

some fake, others genuine,

mostly muscle memory.

“哈咯“ she greets as I turn the corner—

a sound of familiarity.

the velcros on my lips finally relax

till we part ways to our stations

“how are you?” their words flow dry

they probably don’t want to find out

my tongue lands on one syllable:

“good”.

escapril 2019 // 5: back to nature

I’ve a secret spot for seeing stars in Taipei City.

after a day downtown,

blasting my headphones at damaging decibels,

fixing makeup with samples at drugstores,

and chasing after buses,

I skip down the announced “platform two for Taipei Zoo”

and gaze down at the light show stage named Zhongxiao Fuxing.

as the red greens, a rush of headlights streams at me—my eyes

lose focus, my heart

leaps back into my chest just as

the home-bound metro approaches.

//

I’ll always remember the yard at Tiszavasvári

where we lay to see a starry night drawn by the Creator

after a day of listening to screaming children,

braiding their hairs,

and chasing after the impossible ones,

we stood in awe, jaws dropped, then soon learned

our necks weren’t strong enough

so we lay down, evening breeze

accompanied by the crickets sang a lullaby—

my eyes played a senseless game

of connect-the-dots, my heart skipped several beats

as I let go of the memories of beds and blankets.

escapril 2019 // 6: nostalgia

missing you is easy.

remembering you creeps

up in little mundanities

like a cup of fruit tea

a bottle of Clorox

or an inappropriately loud laughter--

to my consolation, yours is unmatchable.

although,

the sound of your laughter rings

quieter

till I can whisper:

escapril 2019 // 7: start with a time of day

3 a.m.

why wait

for dawn when

we can set yesterday

up

in flames

over this river?

escapril 2019 // 8: love poem

I cannot recall the exact words uttered

but something in my heart fluttered:

our eyes met for a millisecond

we cracked, till our breaths weakened.

our words, lost in the waves

transformed into safes

I open in my heart of hearts

to feel at home within the laughs of your loves.

escapril 2019 // 9: focus on the color

chorok hadn't found its form in

korean of old. fields of

grass and evergreens,

little plates of herbal banchan,

lush of summers,

and squirming caterpillars

all existed as paran-- that same

color ascribed to vast oceans,

and sunny skies

then one lively spring, chorok

creeped its way into our tongues,

demanding to be seen on

street signs,

the mountain tops, and

cross walk lights

though some still speak "the light

turned paran",

and the incorrigible children's tune

singing of spring

blossoming into paran,

chorok sprouts an entrance

undeniable to out naked eyes.

escapril 2019 // 10: femininity

the bus,

back slides down on the uncomfortable bus seat,

fingers stroke through my freshly buzzed head,

while many eyes fixate above my eyes,

asking:

"is she a boy or a girl?"

"is she a lesbian?"

"what happened to her… hair?"

eyes read their faces,

mouth struts a big yawn with no reflex system telling me to conceal it.

imagination floats to a stadium,

feet stands on the podium,

voice declares:

I'm still so-very-much a lady--

just not fair like Audrey,

nor dainty like a stereotype,

or as brave as Joan,

and definitely not as attractive than most

but maybe more like

the ones writing history

now.

escapril 2019 // 11: not from your perspective

most of the time I sit beside the maroon sofa

where you watch tv and transform into a potato

I wait and wait for that sweet moment

you grab my handle

travel me to a flat desk

wind me up with thread

hook me up to a pedal

switch my light on

smooth out a piece of fabric

pinned up in zig zag

then

zoom, crackle, buzz,

your hands sync to my rhythm

you pray I don’t jam

or break your thread

then you announce with pride

“et voila!”

escapril 2019 // 12: spring cleaning

it takes two countries

few cities

thirteen houses

fifteen boxes

thirty trash bags

and an infinite repetition of

"do we need this?"

for a soul to grasp the spider web line

between a desire and a necessity.

then a decade teaches the

same soul

sometimes,

spectrums soften

escapril 2019 // 13: celestial bodies

if only

seeing you was as easy as

some nightly glow at your half

reflecting off

a big blazing ball of light on my half

escapril 2019 // 14: make it rhyme

a sonnet-full of embellishments, fake

notions of how lovely you are like some

weather in summer or spring, homemade cake

that tastes like cheap flour and rotten eggs, numb

from clichés, the love songs that never shut

up, posed photos of arms around my waist,

a let-me-take-that gentleness, so what

are you doing? leaving sour aftetaste

in our hearts. no, this sonnet is not for

us. we don’t need guidelines to fall in love,

nor the recipes known to prevent war

(it cannot be all fair in war and love),

so stop. steep in this silence as your hand

finds mine in this complicated quicksand.

escapril 2019 // 15: describe a smell

a dash of prickliness:

prickly, like appa’s beard attacking my forehead as he plants a kiss.

then an overwhelming sense of saltiness:

salty, like that time I accidentally used the spoon side of the seasoning bottle

or tasting my own sweat or tears.

something rotting at slow decay.

fruit flies feast.

my nose shoots me back to

halmoni yelling something in dialect, umma replying.

I stand in the middle of the market square, I’m ten.

they promised me jjajangmyeon,

my nostrils can hold out just a minute more.

escapril 2019 // 16: any dreams?

five—

I was to be a Pokemon trainer by day

and Sailor Moon by night

but adults hung my creativity dry

seven—

a singer-songwriter

but music chose me not

ten—

fashion designer,

draw designs, sew coutures, walk the runway myself

but whispers yelled discouragements

fifteen—

couldn’t care: I was a realistic teen

now—

I tip-toe about my heart

trying my best not to pick on scabs,

unable to answer any questions

albeit an I-don’t-know

has never sounded more

comforting and clear.

hear the wounds heal

to the beat of the unicorn hooves.

escapril 2019 // 17: body as friend or foe

I was born in Guatemala,

but my father’s from Georgia

he’s a musician, he produces

K-pop albums and we travel the world

searching for the next big deal,

my mother paints apples, she’s from Zimbabwe

she also writes Chinese poems.

It’s all true—

my body deceives every bit of reality within me.

escapril 2019 // 18: a happy place

hear nose tickle

with the sound of lavender feathers

fluttering by

eyes will open up to inhale

the golden hours spent

under Your glorious dance

escapril 2019 // 19: without your name, who are you?

if an utterance of a name

can form a heart,

her name has been called by many

if each spoken word forms

a vibration into what we are,

she's a someone

whispered into a myriad of paradoxes:

she's an asteroid, crashing fast,

uncontrollable, unexpected.

she's a cup of tea, calm,

idle, ready for nothing.

escapril 2019 // 20: a liminal space

this amorphous ground feels comfortable,

excuses acceptable:

the excruciating humidity,

drowsy rain, busy friends,

false pride, miscalculating time.

they say:

Prufrock measures his life in coffee spoons,

but Zeno says nothing ever reaches its destinations.

the Knight holds his tongue

yet his heart flutters a violent beat.

I’m just another contra, letting my feet skip away

as each step echoes heart beating somewhere

back.

escapril 2019 // 21: it’s the end of the world

no zombie apocalypse,

the sun still functions,

stars are still, hearts

unbroken, no one

escaping to Mars,

no fatal goodbyes.

one silent pink noise

a purple glow,

“welcome back home”

it said.

escapril 2019 // 22: nourishment

last month, I met a little

potted plant.

I took it back to my little

suffocating room

and named it little

foggy star.

I loved it little

by little

I gave it little

droplets of water,

spoke little

words of compliment,

took it to my little

window sill

the sun peeped through

a little.

it grew a little,

I did too.

escapril 2019 // 23: when the party’s over

recollect spilled laughters —

this, for unworthy jokes,

that, for suave comments,

maybe one for someone dreamy —

bottle them up,

keep them fresh

for the next sea of

stragglers,

mutual someone,

you-look-quite-nice,

wow-so-interesting.

escapril 2019 // 24: liar, liar

how to be a compulsive liar

one: disregard empathy, embrace despondency, think selfish,

my life doesn’t have to tell truth tales, no one needs to know.

two: rehearse recollections, think practicality, use names they’d never check,

let myself believe in each detail, each sight, smell the scenario

three: speak the perfectly fabricated phrases into existence,

no need to bat an eye, stutter a detail, overthink a loophole.

for example: “yeah, the party was fun. we walked around the park afterwards.

who? oh no, he wasn’t there. he had an important family dinner.”

four: remember the lie, inform reliable partners in crime if necessary,

never bring it back, stick to your guns.

promise yourself: they can’t hurt, they’ll never know.

remember: truths hurt, they’re inconvenient, it’s none of their business.

dig: until your shovel breaks.

drown out: every kindness the world has to offer.

die: in the said dug hole, climb out just to

repeat: until trust is a pair of cracked glasses, refuse to see a redemption until

die again: learn that these walls must go —

invite: the uncomfortableness that is vulnerability

repeat: until system reboots.

escapril 2019 // 25: pick an animal

my giraffe friend

shades me when the sun’s high

and warms me when the wind’s rough,

meeting her eyes pains me with

an aching neck,

she will always stand tall in a room,

there’s no shelf too high for me,

when she’s close by.

escapril 2019 // 26: girlhood, boyhood, childhood

when I was older, I had a pair of

very pink sneakers

they'd glitter in the sun,

glamoured in gemstones for dignity

velcros loud enough to turn heads

when it was time to take them off

I glanced over my neighbors' shelves:

ugly. blue. brown. ugly. mine trampled over all.

then my eyes stood silent

as I zone in

on her pair of Gundam sneakers

secretly jealous, mostly confused,

extremely frustrated of rule-breaking

girls, defying pink, watching animation

for boys only

now, I wear boring black or white shoes

so do most humans with feet.

escapril 2019 // 27: the state of it all

“you're it!”

a harmless push from their arms

my chest thrusts back

limbs under a spell

all bones removed

“catch me if you can”

why don't you save me

'cause you can?

escapril 2019 // 28: reflection

memories retraces a blur

crooked smile

red dye fading

cigarette between your fingers

standing mostly on your right leg--

you let out a puff as i tell you “i’m imaginary.”

you say you couldn't have

so i tease you more with a kiss

“that wasn't real

that was you imagining it all

new school

a manic pixie

the loneliness got to your brains

that's all”

you flick away the cigarette

eyes reflecting my face

you kiss me back and say

“please don't do this to my brain

you're real

far too real for me i'm not smart like that”

i snicker

the buzzing bus terminal is real

you and i are real

but i'm not

you're no more

escapril 2019 // 29: may flowers

she died a few days ago—

flew off the rooftop

fallen against teeming

reborn lives

the most beautiful of flowers

only last a day or two

you said we are beautiful

because we’re ephemeral

but what happens when

fleeting moments like

a crash kilometers away

pain for someone I never knew?

escapril 2019 // 30: catharsis

yesterday, I cleaned out my room

bugs infested each and every corner

I tried to catch them but they

hid away between the nooks and crannies

whispering schemes to each other

learning the dustiest corners I’ve ignored

waiting for a perfect time to kill

so I dusted out the corners

rearranged the furnitures

repainted the scratches

thinking cover-ups should make anew

yesterday, I cleaned out my room

praying for the bug spray to kill,

I felt seventeen, rearranging photographs,

filling up a space with desired personalities,

she would have been proud

there’s nothing I’d tell her, but to say

yesterday, I cleaned my room, for another hundredth time

they say an odyssey is a cycle

ending with a catharsis

where you come clean

but yesterday, I cleaned my room

again

[razberryyum]

The Untamed/陈情令 Rewatch, Episode 3 (spoilers for everything)

(covers some of MDZS chap 13 and erm...that’s it. They mostly go rogue for this ep*)

WangXian meter: 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

(a 🐰 is earned every time there is a WangXian scene or even when they’re just thinking of each other...some scenes deserve more than one 🐰...don’t worry about it, it’s not an exact science 🐰🐰🐰)

Really, bless Team CQL for transforming what was only an anecdote in the novel into one of the most beautiful scenes in the show.  The first time Wei Ying and Lan Zhan first crossed swords played out like a moonlite, rooftop ballet and it is completely breath-taking and romantic and perfect. What makes this scene even more meaningful to me now is the added sense of poignancy of knowing that they will never be able to spar like that again due to Wei Wuxian’s diminished abilities in his Mo Xuanyu form. Although, even before his rebirth they wouldn’t have been able to repeat this dance since Wei Ying's extraordinary swordsmanship had already gone away with his golden core.  It's yet another reminder of not only how much he’s lost, but also how great a sacrifice he made for Jiang Cheng. Just thinking about that is enough to make my heart ache like crazy all over again over how much Wei Ying loves his bro and how much he went through for him without JC even knowing it for such a long time.    

But back to happier thoughts, what I also loved about this scene is just how downright adorable Wei Ying was being. Actually, he really was being a total mischievous cutie during most of his time at Cloud Recesses, which makes sense since this is the Wei Wuxian that was still brimming with boyish charm and innocence as his life still hadn’t been touched by heartbreak and tragedy yet. That reminds me of another reason why I am so impressed with Xiao Zhan as an actor is because he basically had to portray three different roles in The Untamed—as the youthful, wide-eyed Wei Ying, followed by the more bitter and mature Yiling Patriarch, and then finally the carefree yet jaded Mo Xuanyu—and he performed each persona with equal aplomb while injecting noticeable differences in each phase of WWX’s life as exemplified by alterations in his posture, expressions and even the way he says his lines. I'm not familiar with what acting awards are available in China’s entertainment industry, but I hope he receives some sort of award recognition for his work. He definitely deserves some nominations at least.  

That is not to say that Wang Yibo was being a slouch either; even though I had my doubts about him initially, I do still recognize that playing a stoic character is not an easy task since he had to find creative ways to avoid falling into dullness. A good deal of microexpressing is involved that can be difficult for an unseasoned and non-professionally trained actor, but WYB definitely lived up to the challenge as the show progressed. But because WWX is the more blatantly dynamic character, one’s attention is naturally drawn to him, even I was more focused on him at first, so I ended up neglecting what was going on with WYB’s Lan Zhan. It was only after revisiting this episode that I was truly able to appreciate the subtlety of performance.  

While it’s hard to imagine anyone being able to resist Wei Ying’s charms, I do believe Lan Zhan was indeed mostly irritated by him during their initial interactions. At the same time, however, he also clearly noticed that there was more to WWX than meets the eye since he was definitely intelligent (after all, he correctly deduced, twice, what was going on with the injured cultivator Lan Zhan brought back) and he was also quite skilled since their sword fight ended at a draw. But because Lan Zhan had years of propriety instilled in him by Uncle Lan, his automatic reaction to someone who was as unruly as Wei Ying had to be instant disapproval and annoyance. The irony of that is most likely because Wei Ying was such an annoyance to Lan Zhan that he couldn’t help but constantly notice him as a result, as one would do with an eyesore, so even from the first moment they met, his attention was already captured. It’s not the most positive way to start a relationship to be sure, but obviously it worked out for the best in the long run, especially once Lan Zhan got to know Wei Ying better and that animosity turned into something more affectionate.

Big Brother Appreciation Time

There are many reasons to love big bro Lan Xichen—he is such a sweet, caring, gentle, considerate, and loving soul who is also a skilled and talented cultivator—the least of which is his intent on playing matchmaker between his little brother and WWX right from the start. I loved that he noticed something in Wei Ying immediately and realized he would be a good person for LWJ to have in his life. Bless him for being so observant and intelligent.  

Random Bits of Randomness

If Lan Qiren knew that this rude, improper kid would one day be the person to “corrupt” his beloved nephew and steal his pure, innocent heart, he probably would’ve spit up all the blood in his body and dropped dead right then and there. I will always laugh at just how offended he looked when Wei Ying dared to rest Suibian on his desk, as if he had dumped dog shit in front of him instead. 

I just wanted to commend Mian Mian’s fellow sect-mate on the left there who, even though she was not complimented on her good looks or even given a second glance by WWX, still generously talked Mian Mian into allowing the Jiangs to stay at the hotel. I thought she deserved some credit for her nice gesture.

Not having read the novel yet when I first watched this episode, I was actually shocked at the reveal that Shijie was engaged to Jin Zixuan because I would never have thought they had that relationship from this scene. I know JZX didn’t really have any intention of honoring that arranged marriage at this point in the story, but the rudeness he allowed his servant to get away with was still unbelievable. I mean, seriously what the hell, she was still his fiancee, he hadn’t broken off the engagement yet, how DARE he allow that nobody back there address Shijie and his potential future in-laws in such a rude way. The fact that he actually kicked them out of the hotel was also shocking because it felt completely unnecessary. I really didn't like JZX because of this moment and that sentiment stayed with me for quite some time. What made the scene sadder is Shijie obviously was crushing on him and for the longest time I couldn’t understand why because I thought she totally could do better AND deserved better. I can’t say that I ever learned to love JZX, but I definitely don’t dislike him anymore.

Though I’ve been pretty critical of the CGI in The Untamed for the first two episodes, I do want to point out that not all of it is horrible: I was actually impressed with how both Cloud Recesses and Nightless City looked, even though I think their design for Nightless City was rather off the mark since it no longer suited its name. Since they were going to go with the dark theme and make the Wen Sect as blatantly villainous as possible, the production team should’ve just changed Nightless City’s name to Forever Night City (“長夜城”). Personally, I would’ve preferred it more if they had just stuck with the design of the Wen sect’s residence and uniforms as they were described in the novel (which was beautifully brought to life in the donghua) since I liked how deceptively righteous the Wens seemed. In CQL, they were so obviously the bad guys that they bordered on being cartoonish, especially Wen Ruohan (portrayed by Xiu Qing). Man, his performance simply was NOT working for me AT ALL. Even his make-up was a mess...looked like it was melting off of him all the time. In contrast, I thought Wen Chao (portrayed by He Peng) was bit much at first too, but then eventually I started to appreciate the actor’s performance, especially during his last scenes where he actually made me feel bad for his character because he was so convincingly pathetic. WRH never won me over and I was really relieved when he finally died. I actually thought they gave the actor too many scenes already leading up to his death. Felt like a lot of unnecessary filler to stretch out the episodes.  

Xue Yang is absolutely evil and horrible and psychotic and a total mass murderer and villain, but dammit, as soon as he showed up, I couldn’t help but immediately take a liking to him, and it’s all the actor’s fault. I have never seen Wang Haoxuan in any other show before...then again, I think he’s only been in two other shows prior to The Untamed, both of which I haven’t watched...but much like with Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo, I think the show struck gold by casting him as Xue Yang. In addition to making his character difficult to hate, he has also made him so interesting and magnetic that I couldn’t wait to see him pop up again. I am so glad that Team CQL altered the Yi City arc so that we were introduced to Xue Yang, Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan sooner than in the novel. Not only did it allow us to become acquainted with the characters early on so that by the time Yi City rolled around, everything that happened in that arc would be even more emotionally effective because we were already invested in them, but we also got Xue Yang sooner and more often, and for that I am thankful. I already liked him before I read the novel so by the time I came across his character in the book, all I could imagine was Wang Haoxuan. He completely fit the image of Xue Yang for me. I don’t know if I would feel the same way had I read the novel first before watching the show, but I would probably still like Wang Haoxuan’s portrayal.  I know there have been criticisms that he is overacting, but for me, everything he did worked. It worked so much that I wish things had been different with his character, that Xue Yang wasn’t the monster that he is and committed all those atrocities that he did. I mean, he’s literally worse than Charles Manson. And yet, I still like him; I can’t help it, he’s just so much fun to watch. His eyes freaking sparkles. How am I supposed to resist that?? Look, there are times in a person’s life where one must make certain decisions that are undoubtedly not wise ones, but one still must stick with them because that’s the choice that was made.  Liking Xue Yang is definitely one of those decisions for me and I’ll just have to live with it.  

**I didn’t want to put this right at top since they would be unavoidable spoilers, but Shijie, Wen Qing and Wen Ning never attended the studies at Cloud Recesses. I’m really happy for that change in the drama, especially since we got to know Shijie more.  As mentioned above, the early introduction of Xue Yang and the yin metals was also a deviation from the novel.  

Questions TBD:

I had questions regarding the whole yin metal drama, but I have a feeling it’s only because I wasn’t paying close enough attention to that part of the story every time I watched these earlier episodes. I tend to zone out when we dropped in on WRH because I just find him so ridiculous and his whole set up in his fortress ridiculous too. Those zombie/ghost puppet dudes are just silly and I think it's kind of hilarious that WRH would just have his precious yin metal floating in the main hall like that for everyone to see. He has a cool throne, I’ll give him that, but otherwise, I really just can’t with him.  On this rewatch this time around though, I am going to really force myself to pay closer attention to WRH and yin metal stuff so that I can finally make sense of it all, or at least know for sure that it was never meant to make sense because they actually botched that whole storyline.

Overall Episode Rating: 8 Lil Apples out of 10

[squidproquoclarice]

Something I think about a lot is how Dutch managed to turn Arthur into this perfect and dependable killer/enforcer.. Like, I know Dutch basically saved him and therefore could use Arthur's gratefulness as a manipulative tool, but still - how did he manage to shape a teenage Arthur so precisely into what he needed him to be? (I never really questioned this before, but I've been working with/teaching teenagers lately and it's so fucking hard to get them to do basically ANYTHING??)

(part 2) I guess what I’m trying to get at is: Teenagers are so different from children, and I think teaching/influencing them is a LOT harder? (let alone shaping them into violent right-hand thugs, looking at you Dutch) Or maybe teenage Arthur was already like that so Dutch just had to use that rather than change or manipulate him? I just find it so hard to believe this whole thing worked out as well as it did…(I meant to ask for your thoughts on this but instead I just rambled, I’m so sorry)~~~~~~~~~~No need to apologize, Nonny.  If I remember the phrase right, Arthur is described in his official bio at the point Dutch and Hosea took him in as “the life of a criminal is all he’s ever known”, “living on the streets ever since losing his parents at an early age”, and “particularly angry and damaged”/”seemingly a lost cause who responded well to some structure and mentoring”.We also know he barely remembers his mother, he watched his father die, his dad was a criminal, and he remembers his father with absolutely no fondness.  We see he’s overly anxious to please Dutch, to the point all Dutch has to do is issue a casual challenge implying Arthur’s doubting him or not measuring up, and Arthur scrambles frantically to fix that.  So what I’m thinking we have here is a kid who grew up suffering both psychological and physical abuse from his father, who was probably forced into learning criminal talents early (pickpocketing, in my headcanon).  He learned very young that he had no worth as a person, and the only value he had was to produce results.  He seems to have loathed his father so I doubt he worried about winning Lyle’s love, but he recognized that succeeding meant approval, at least insofar as probably being abused less.His father dies.  Arthur’s left living on the streets for several years, probably in a big city that he could so utterly disappear.  The message that he has no worth is further reinforced.  He’s alone, scared, fighting to survive, and there’s no Sister Calderon or anyone else to save him or tell him he’s worth saving.  Given the need to fight for food, sleeping space, safety, etc. against other street kids, he certainly lived in an environment of heightened aggression and anger and violence here.  He’s living the life of Dutch’s social Darwinism: the (violently) strong survive, the weak perish.So you’ve got a kid with shitty self-image, a history of abuse, and a lot of capacity for anger and violence.  Then Dutch and Hosea take him in at fourteen and things change.  He’s given a place to belong.  Clothes that fit and aren’t ragged.  A safe place to sleep.  Enough food to eat.  He learns to read and write.And Dutch isn’t hitting him, so Arthur assumes this new father figure is how it’s supposed to be.  But he’s missing the other facet: the psychological abuse.  The same produce results or you’re worthless to me mentality he likely got from his father, but Dutch is far cleverer than Lyle Morgan in it.  He gaslights.  He manipulates. He alternately flatters and praises, and then insults and questions, so that Arthur’s left always hungry for earning that love and approval again.You’ve got a pissed off teenager, and given Arthur’s got plenty of sarcasm I imagine he was, as I have Hosea put it fondly, “a smart mouthed little shit”.  But he’s also a scared boy who’s been repeatedly taught he’s dispensable trash.  He’s started to like this life he has and its comforts and security compared to the bleak hell he had before, started to become comfortable in it.  He’s terrified that if he screws up, if he gives Dutch reason to not value him anymore, he’ll be thrown away again.  So yeah, he’s going to jump through every hoop Dutch presents him eagerly, and even be trying to anticipate the man’s needs and wants if possible.  Because in his mind his place in this family, his continued survival, absolutely depends on this man still finding value in him.  The question of having worth as an intrinsic right as a human being doesn’t even register with him.  All he can see is constantly proving his having external value.  So he doesn’t have the luxury of typical teenage defiance and sometimes telling his self-proclaimed dad to go get fucked as part of the pursuit of discovering and asserting his own identity.  Because honestly, Arthur doesn’t have much in the way of his own identity.Given the emotional damage he’d already suffered, and the fact he’s being further abused and taken advantage of, that’s the status quo for the next 22 years.  Arthur doesn’t ever really get the chance to grow beyond that blind loyalty and eagerness to please and be regarded as valuable, and really form his own identity and principles, until the 1899 crisis forces him to do so.So if Dutch wants to teach Arthur to shoot, wants him to learn to rob a stagecoach, wants him to go teach someone a “lesson” with his fists?  It’s absolutely “Yes, Dad, I’ve got this.”  Anything at all to make Dutch happy and make himself more valuable to the man.  He’ll work until he drops to become the best man for the job, the one Dutch absolutely can’t do without.  If he protests at all, it’s a token grumble, but he’ll give in readily and go do it, because he prides himself on being able to get the job done.  Dutch clearly only values his brutal and violent skills–it’s Hosea who encourages other things in Arthur.I also think this is part of why Dutch openly favored and identified more with John as his clear “golden boy” while relegating Arthur to being the gang workhorse.  Arthur’s snarky defiance largely died down and transformed into awkward gratitude and absolute loyalty when he realized he could stay.  John stayed something of a cocky brat.  Arthur is far more versatile and useful, but Dutch enjoys John’s “unbroken spirit”–so long as he doesn’t question too much.

[lizabethstucker]

Hex Life edited by Christopher Golden & Rachel Autumn Deering

Eighteen tales of witches and magic all written by women.  A few are set in particular authors’ existing series.  The inclusiveness of black characters and authors elevates an already wonderful collection.  This is an ARC that was received late, contained in the box of books due to be published in January.  This actually was published in October and is available now.  I highly recommend this to pretty much anyone.  4.5 out of 5.

“An Invitation to a Burning” by Kat Howard

The town of Merrinvale refuses to admit that witches are needed to keep ordinary magics working.  Instead they burn them.  When villager Ronald angrily takes offense to a woman, she tends to disappear.  Now his sight is focused on Sage.  Very short, but chock full of emotion and sisterhood.  4.5 out of 5.

“Widows’ Walk” by Angela Slatter

The four widows living together on Carter Lane are suspected to be witches by many in the town of Mercy’s Brook, but are not harassed by locals.  When young Chelsea Margaret Bloom is caught stealing milk from their porch to dull her hunger, the women get involved.  Absolutely perfect from start to finish, with a neat twist at the end.  5 out of 5.

“Black Magic Momma: An Otherworld Story” by Kelley Armstrong

Eve Levine is a dark witch who is half-demon.  Her sole focus in life is keeping her daughter safe.  To do so, she works as a retrieval agent, obtaining items wanted by others.  Her latest job attracts dangerous attention.  I’ve not read any books in this series yet, although the first volume is in my ebook library.  I found this story moderately interesting, but not quite up to the previous two stories in this series.  Perhaps it in a matter of context.  3.5 out of 5.

“The Night Nurse” by Sarah Langan

Having a third child that she never wanted, Esme is approached by Wendy Broadchurch at the Brooklyn Children’s Museum.  Wendy is a night nurse, offering to help Esme once the new baby is born.  Already overwhelmed, Esme agrees.  At first she is happy, but soon doubts creep in.  Really creepy and, to be honest, a little more raw than I was comfortable with.  3 out of 5.

“The Memories of Trees” by Mary SanGiovanni

The Faithful plan to hang Martha Weede and her young ward, Ellena, threatened by their refusal to worship in the New Church and to accept the God of Technology.  Instead Martha and Ellena honor the Old Religion, the one older than the now fallen Christianity.  While graphic, it not only harks back to the witch hunts in New England, but warns how easy it is to fall back into that mindset of fear, prejudice, and craving for power.  Loved this story!  4.5 out of 5.

“Home:  A Morganville Vampire Story” by Rachel Caine

A witch has appeared in Morganville, one Oliver had killed centuries ago.  She’s a danger to both the vampire and human community.  She wants Oliver’s blood and will destroy everyone to get it.  Wow, how did I miss this series?  I’ve already got it downloaded from my library to read next.  A short story that makes you eager to know more about all the characters is a great story.  I almost got a Eureka vibe from this, only with vamps instead of mad scientists.  4.5 out of 5.

“The Deer Wife” by Jennifer McMahon

Julie has been meeting her lover in the woods for four years, a witch who comes to her in many forms.  She knows she shouldn’t, but is drawn back time after time.  Julie wants to join the witch forever, be able to transform as her lover does, but the witch resists.  Julie has a son, but Levi is now nineteen, with a girlfriend.  And filled with resentment for the death of his father.  McMahon doen’t give a lot of details, particularly in regards to the death of Julie’s husband and whether the witch was more directly responsible.  Or whether it is love or enchantment that keeps her returning.  An old myth tweaked into an interesting romantic tale.  3.5 out of 5.

“The Dancer” by Kristin Dearborn

Paul Baker is called to the Weavers’ farm to help with the reports by Ani, their daughter, of haunted activity.  They aren’t pleased with his solution.  He’s called back a second time to find the situation is more dire than he expected and takes action.  I don’t know about this one.  It almost reads like a rough outline or a missing scene from a longer story.  Disappointed as it had great potential as a novella or a book.  3 out of 5. 

“Bless Your Heart” by Hillary Monahan

It is never smart to go after a Southern mother’s baby boy, especially if she also has powers.  Pammy Washington and her bully of a son deserved everything they got for the years Colton had tormented Tucker.  Her late Mama warned Audrey to never cook when mad, but a woman can only stand so much.  I laughed at what happened to Pammy.  Not nice, I know, but I grew up in the South and I know women like her.  I’d bet good money that she was head cheerleader in high school, prom queen as well.  She really did get what she deserved, bless her heart.  For those who might not know, “bless your heart” is the genteel Southern way of saying “you’re a piece of shit”.  4 out of 5.

“The Debt” by Ania Ahlborn

After Karolin’s mother died, her father began to change, becoming less talkative, more distant.  He suddenly decides to take her to Poland, to visit his childhood home where his mother lives.  After arriving with no sign of his mother, Greg takes Karolin deep into the nearby woods to hunt for mushrooms.  When her back was turned, he disappears.  Shivers.  No happy or satisfying ending here.  Just the most horrific ending you could imagine.  3.5 out of 5.

“Toil & Trouble:  A Dark-Hunter Hellchaser Story” by Sherrilyn Kenyon & Madaug Kenyon

The witches of Carrion Hill are constantly visited by those seeking a glimpse of their future as well as a way to avoid the bad part.  As time goes on, there are less and less witches and more stupid humans who refuse to listen to the advice given.  Eeri, sold to the witches by her family, hates them, desires freedom and money.  A bit of Shakespeare is threaded throughout the story.  I love the Bard, but I don’t really think it adds to the story as much as the authors might believe it does.  Another series that I haven’t begun reading as yet.  3 out of the 5.

“Last Stop on Route Nine” by Tananarive Due

Charlotte and her 12-year-old cousin decide to drive together from their grandmother’s funeral in Tallahassee to a luncheon in Gracetown, a place both Charlotte’s mother and Kai’s father had fled as soon as they could and never returned to.  Somehow they are lost, caught in a smothering fog before coming through the other side to find a wicked old woman who curses them.  Here’s a sweet bit of horror with the mention of some real-life places peppered into the story.  4 out of 5.

“Where Relics Go to Dream and Die” by Rachel Autumn Deering

After years of conjuring the witch through the flame of an almost spent candle, the old man was dying.  One last conversation with the woman he loves leads to a dream or, rather, a memory that changes the past and the present.  A bit scrambled, but strangely compelling nonetheless.  So many questions.  3.5 out of 5.

“This Skin” by Amber Benson

Frances wanted to confess to homicide detective Harry Longfellow, waiting for just the right moment.  The reaction isn’t what she expected.  Frances comes across as a ten-year-old sociopath.  Unusual story.  I don’t know whether I like it or not.  It begs for more.  3 out of 5.

“Haint Me Too” by Chesya Burke

It’s been 40 years since slavery ended, but there are plenty who would like to just ignore the Emancipation Proclamation.  Shea and her family lived on the Myrtle House plantation, currently owned by the Petersons.  Myrtle House is haunted by the haint of a black woman who was murdered after poisoning her owners.  When local whites try to prevent black families and white sharecroppers from either leaving to go North or demanding better agreements, Shea can not only help her family, but the haint.  Enthralling tale of the South and how little it had changed after the War.  A little scary, but also empowering.  Could be considered a coming-of-age story for Shea.  4.5 out of 5.

“The Nekrolog” by Helen Marshall

I’m not sure how to describe this story.  It involves immigrants leaving Russia, death that isn’t, the State’s experiments in psychic abilities, and much more.  Enchanting and intriguing, a story I wish had been longer.  It really is almost as convoluted as an old Russian tale.  4.5 out of 5.

“Gold Among the Black” by Alma Katsu

Greta, an orphan, owns nothing.  Her only friend is Jesper, her dog.  She works hard at the castle in exchange for food during the day, refusing to sleep there at night because she can’t bring Jesper with her.  Instead they curl up together in the woods.  But Greta is getting old enough to have men watching.  Another worker at the castle has also told her that there are rumors that she is a witch and Jesper is her familiar.  What does she do now?  Nice, a bit of romance with the fantasy.  3.5 out of 5.

“How to Become a Witch-Queen” by Theodora Goss

The newly widowed queen is worried about her son, the soon-to-be king, marrying off his sister to some stranger.  She also needs to consider her own future now that she’s free.  A wild and interesting view of what life might’ve been like for Snow White after her Happily Ever After.  New choices, old friends, and a heroine who realizes it is time to take charge of her own life in order to ensure her daughter has choices.  Absolutely perfect!  5 out of 5.