#I work off of my computer and write off of it

[mxstellatayte]

pretty please: chapter two.

pretty please masterlist.

chapter two warnings: covid happens :(, avoiding big emotional conversations, phone sex (not graphic,) i definitely deleted any and all covid social distancing rules when i was writing this but it'S FOR THE PLOT, oral sex (f receiving, not graphic,) LEWIS IS SUGAR DADDY!!!!!!!! (but there's also feelings but we don't want to admit that yet hehehehehehe)

chapter two word count: 3.7k

taglist (crossed out means i could not tag you/no blog was found): @pear-1206 @vivi-81 @irishmanwhore @lucycowr @benstormy

@anat33-blog1 @Xoscar03 @tremendousstarlighttragedy @nenamalenaa @champagneproblems17

@marknolee @toby33b @theendofthematerialgworl @soloqualcosa @sassyinchident808

join my taglist here!

take my hand while we dance on the edge of a knife

tuesday, 3 december, 2019

your phone chimes in the formula 1 radio tone, a custom ringtone you'd set just for lewis. glancing away from your computer screen, you see a simple text.

Hey.

what should you say? "hey yourself?" no, too sassy. "hey, thanks for the mind-blowing sex a few days ago. i think i'm into you, do you wanna go out?" way too forward. "hey!" too excited.

you settle on a simple "hey." in response.

for good measure, you add on a second text.

Thanks for the flight yesterday :)

his response? a simple "Yeah of course!"

"alright. so i'm going to have to be the one to bring it up. gotcha."

so this was the dance that you'd be doing. you'd just move on from the most life-changing sex you've ever had with four texts. you'd take a step forward, try to ask about what this would mean for your professional relationship, if anything, and he'd have one-sentence answers before moving on to a different topic.

that's fine.

it totally didn't make you insane.

definitely not.

instead of thinking about your client-slash-friend-slash-maybe-fuck-buddy over your winter holidays, you opt for drowning yourself in advance work, opting to make your contributions to the february 2020 issue the best the world has ever seen. your articles for the january issue are long submitted, but now that you've submitted everything for finalization for the next two months, you have a staycation at home with your cats, crochet, shitty reality tv, and a lot of alcohol filling up your schedule for the next two weeks (and a short visit to your parents up in leeds for christmas, but that's naught but a short interruption to your routine,) and you don't intend on letting work interrupt a single moment of the next two weeks.

the key word in that sentence being intend.

although, is it really considered work if it's just texting back and forth with someone who's a client-slash-friend-slash-maybe-fuck-buddy and not exactly a coworker?

"girl, i swear down on my nan's grave," amelia begins, and you grin, already knowing you're about to get a true amelia lorenz lecture, "if you don't make a move on him before new year's, i will, and i don't think he even knows my name!" she continues by weaving an intricate web of every single sign she's seen that points to the mutual attraction between yourself and the driver, and you're not sure when the right time is to tell her that you've already had sex with him. luckily, you find an opportunity when she stands from your couch to refill her glass of whiskey and pauses her monologue.

"is now a good time to tell you that we shagged after abu dhabi?"

amelia's head whips around so fast you're surprised it doesn't snap off of her neck. "you what?" you grin sheepishly, any and all confidence you've ever had in your entire life having evaporated in a microsecond. when she sits down opposite you on the couch, her left leg tucked into her crotch and her right hanging off the side, she has to set her glass on your coffee table so that she doesn't splash the whiskey everywhere. you both know what's coming purely based off of her body language. she takes a deep breath, then presses her hands together in a prayer-like stace and rests the nook of her nose in her fingertips. "let me get this straight." she pauses. "you." her right hand points directly at you as she says your full name. "shagged the lewis hamilton. and you didn't tell me immediately?"

"why do you think i wasn't on the flight back?" amelia's eyes widen in realization, and a grin spreads across her face.

"he flew you back on his jet?" you nod, taking another sip of your drink, and amelia squeals with delight. "i need every single detail. start talking."

friday, 13 march, 2020

your phone vibrates on your desk, and you glance over at it, unlocking it when you see the f1 logo on the notification. your heart sinks when you see what the notification reads, though.

"formula 1, fia and agpc announce cancellation of the 2020 australian grand prix"

"shit," you mutter, switching your phone off and resting your head in your hands. it won't be long before the lockdown reaches london, you know that, but it's difficult knowing that lewis was looking forward to being in the car again, especially with some of the new regulations that he hoped would lead to closer racing.

you send him a text before you go to sleep- it's almost 3 am.

Sorry to hear about the race. I know you were looking forward to driving.

by the time you've fallen asleep, though, lewis has seen your text and he gnaws at his lower lip, his thumbs hesitating over the keyboard of his phone's screen. yeah, he was looking forward to driving, but as the pandemic numbers increased, his anxiety about the race weekend did, too.

Thanks. I'm glad they called it off, though. The numbers were getting too high too fast.

months pass. your interviews with various drivers at the monaco and british grands prix are moved to video calls. the world gets thrown into lockdown, eases out of it, and then gets thrown into lockdown once more. dolphins are spotted in the canals of venice. george floyd's murder sparks a revolution that reaches all corners of the globe.

you don't go a day without texting, calling, or video calling with lewis.

it's sickening, really, how much his smile is keeping you sane. well, if you're being honest, it's a combination of his smile, your medication, and going on a lot of walks around your neighbourhood. leytonstone is a lovely part of london, yes, but there's only so many different routes you can take around the neighbourhood before you start itching to jump on a train and go anywhere.

in early june, you get the email. you'll be traveling to silverstone for a set of interviews with various drivers for the 70th anniversary race. it's the fifth of seventeen races on the updated calendar, and the email states that you may be sent to the abu dhabi grand prix, as well.

wednesday, 29 july, 2020.

you're practically vibrating with excitement as you board the first of four trains that will take you to your hotel. you're leaving a week before you're due in silverstone, though, because why wouldn't you take advantage of the double header race? you've never been to a race purely as a spectator and your giddiness makes you laugh. how going to a race has given you the butterflies in your stomach that you haven't felt since you were a teenager, you'll never know. sure, with the fia's no-spectator rule, you aren't really sure how people are planning on watching the race, but you're sure you'll learn as the weekend progresses. either way, you're one of many fans taking the train up to silverstone despite the rules stating that no fans could enter the paddock or the grandstands, many hopeful that simply being in the same general area might get them a chance of seeing any of the drivers in person. a few of the racing fans on the train even recognize you, one timidly holding the july 2019 edition of vogue.

the edition where your first interview with lewis was published.

"could you sign it?"

your jaw opens and closes beneath your mask a few times before you're able to regain your composure, accepting the magazine and sharpie from her with a smile.

"what's your name, darling? here, sit with me." she does, sitting across the aisle from you and nervously tucking a curl of ginger-brown hair behind her ear.

"kathleen. but you can call me kat," she adds, and you smile as you write a small note on the inside cover, adding your signature afterwards. "are you interviewing lewis hamilton this weekend?"

"i don't have any interviews this weekend. just next weekend." you look more intently at kat's outfit, and you smile below your mask. she's wearing a mercedes hoodie and baggy jeans, and you notice that her outfit reminds you of someone. "i like your outfit. it reminds me of some of lewis' outfits, actually." kat beams beneath her mask, her eyes scrunching up into happy crescents.

"thank you! he's kinda the inspiration behind my outfits for the weekend. i'm a huge fan of him, have been for years. i'll be honest, i didn't read much about fashion until you interviewed him, but i really liked your article and looked up some of your others. the one you wrote critiquing paparazzi for stalking celebrities was incredible! you wrote it so freely. i loved it." kat catches herself, noticing her rambling, folding her hands in her lap nervously. "sorry. i talk when i'm nervous."

"you have nothing to be nervous about. i'm just another human being." you hesitate a moment, leaning over to her as you pass the magazine and sharpie marker back. "can i tell you a secret?" she nods. "i was terrified the first time i interviewed lewis." kat's eyes grow wide, and you nod. "i was so nervous. i almost got sick a couple of times, actually."

"really?"

"mhm. i'm surprised i didn't."

"i definitely would."

"i doubt that. lewis is as nice- if not nicer- than he seems. after the first five minutes of talking to him, i knew i had nothing to worry about."

the two of you spend the remaining time on the trains talking together, and she animatedly drags her father towards you and you shake his hand, introducing yourself.

"pleasure to meet you. my name's dan. thank you for being a role model for my little girl." your heart swells with pride at the praise, and you nod.

"you're raising a very fine young woman, dan. she's got a bright future ahead of her." dan nods and thanks you, grinning behind his mask. you know, from what kat's told you, that dan has been a fan of formula 1 since the michael schumacher days and that he's been to three grands prix in his life- silverstone 2003, silverstone 2004, and germany 2008. this'll be his fourth. you also know that the white and papaya t-shirt he's wearing is from the most recent race he's attended. "do you happen to have instagram, dan?"

"i do, why?" his eyes narrow slightly, and you can understand why your question seems a little strange.

"i'm writing a piece about fan presence at recent grands prix, since there's been the 'no fans allowed inside' order from the fia, and would love to interview you and kat before and after the weekend," you lie. "i'd be willing to keep you both anonymous, if you'd like. if i can message you on instagram, it wouldn't be as much of a hassle as writing emails to communicate."

"i'd prefer we remain anonymous, but i'm sure she'd love to be interviewed."

you can't tie me down, but you can tie me up

thursday, 30 july, 2020.

the next morning, you call lewis, the hotel's breakfast menu next to you on your bed and your notepad perched on your lap, your pre-weekend "interview" with dan and kat in just over 90 minutes. lewis picks up the call on the third ring.

"hey!" you have to bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling too much, a rush of dopamine flooding your brain at the sound of his voice. "can i call you back in half an hour? i've got media stuff to do in about five minutes."

"i'll be fast. can you get two paddock passes made for sunday under the names kathleen and dan gallagher?"

"they'll have to be media passes, but yeah, why?"

"you'll see. i'll text you the names so you have them. see you in a few days!"

after texting bono a quick message regarding your own pass and ensuring that he would keep it completely and entirely a secret from lewis, you flop backwards onto your bed, staring at the ceiling for a moment. "what the hell have i gotten myself into?"

since the pandemic began, your relationship with lewis has been... well... less than professional.

your daily phone calls and texts with him have contained topics that still make shivers run up your spine and a flush of heat fill your cheeks and neck when you think about them. there have been many nights where you've been on a call with lewis and you're both breathing heavily, clothes messily strewn across your respective beds in a rush to lay back against your pillows and touch yourself to completion, obeying each other's commands and wishes.

there have also been many nights where you're tucked into your beds, roscoe fast asleep next to lewis and your own furry companions, pipsqueak and garfburger, the latter of which amelia named, curled into a ball of rare calmness next to you. the two of you ultimately fall asleep on the call, the idea of having someone with you, even if not physically, helping soothe your anxiety.

both types of calls are incredibly intimate and beautiful, each in their own way.

four days later, you're meeting up with bono outside the paddock to get your own pass and messaging back and forth with dan, attempting to figure out where you can meet him near the paddock entrance. trying to explain to him why you need to meet up today when your scheduled interview time is tomorrow without giving too many details proves to be a difficult task but you're thankfully able to manage. five minutes after bono appears, three media passes in hand, you see dan and kat round the corner. you wave him down, a smile on your face, and kat immediately comes running over to you. today, she sports a pair of baggy jeans, a hamilton jersey over what you assume is the same mercedes hoodie she was wearing on the train, and an incredibly well-loved pair of black platform converse.

"good morning to you both," you say, a bright grin on your face beneath your mask. from the way kat's eyes scrunch up behind glasses you can tell her own smile outshines your own.

"good morning! dad said you had some mid-weekend questions for us?"

"well..." your eyes flick back and forth between dan and kat, and you can see the gears turning in dan's head, but kat remains oblivious. "the mid-weekend questions were a bit of a lie, but i think- i hope- that what i have in my jacket pocket is enough for you to forgive me." with that, you pull the two black and purple media passes out of your jacket, check which one has kat's name on it and which has dan's, and hand them to their respective owners. "kathleen and dan gallagher, welcome to the formula 1 silverstone paddock."

"are you serious?" dan says in disbelief, and when you nod, kat squeaks in delight and throws herself at you, wrapping her arms around you in a vice grip.

"thank you thank you, thank you!"

"you're very welcome. are you ready to go see some cool cars?"

"is that a joke? of course!" kat looks at her father, hoping for some small nod of approval, and, when he does, you think the girl still glued to your torso might just combust from excitement. you can tell that dan's barely containing his own joy, his eyes mirroring the amount of joy you see in kat's.

"in that case, let's go." after about an hour of walking through the paddock, finding spare headsets in the mclaren garage, and smiling as kat and dan can't control their own amazement at the works of engineering in front of them land sheepishly asking a few drivers for photos,) you make your way, finally, to the mercedes garage. "re you two hungry at all? care for a coffee or tea? mercedes has the best food in the paddock. "

"i'd love a coffee, actually." dan says. "kat? you want anything?"

"a cuppa sounds perfect, thank you."

"i've got it. here, have a seat, i'll be right back, " you say, attempting to sound as casual as physically possible when you know you're about to blow their minds. they sit at one of the tables in the small cafe, and you go up to the barista, ordering dan and kat's drinks before ducking away and making your way to lewis' driver's room, knocking a few times and stepping back, smiling when the door opens and you see him, fuck, he looks good. "hi, lewis."

he knew you were going to be in silver stone for the 70th anniversary race, but that isn't until next weekend. "you've here early," he says, leaning against the doorframe. "why's that?"

"i can't want to see my favorite driver at his home race?" you cock an eyebrow and cross your arms, but there's sarcasm evident in your voice. "plus, i missed you. can i tie up your schedule for a bit?"

"it depends. how is my schedule being tied up if i agree?" lewis is matching your own bass, and you smile.

"just some people i'd like you to meet. remember those passes i asked you to have made? well... they're in the cafe and i think the cherry on top of their day would be meeting you."

"in that case, you can tie up my schedule, but i only have fifteen minutes before the strategy meeting." you grin brightly, and your eyes squishing in the corners makes lewis smile in turn, "before we go, though, i do have a little request. come in for a quick minute?" he steps to the side and you gladly follow, turning towards lewis when you hear the door click shut behind you. he's taking off his Mercedes- branded face mask, and you take that as permission lo take your own off. "you know..." he begins, stepping towards you. your breath catches in your throat as all of your senses one immediately overwhelmed with everything lewis. his left hand comes up to hold your and check you gladly lean into his touch, the gentleness of his touch a stark contrast his calloused to fingertips. the next words he says ring in your head, repeating like church bells.

"i missed you, too." those words are the last thing you process before lewis' lips are on yours and every ounce of tension leaves your body.

"mm, lewis, " you say, pulling away from the blissful kiss much to your dismay. "our guests are waiting." lewis groans, and you giggle.

"fine, but after we've done with that and i'm free from my strategy meeting, we're coming back here and finishing what we started."

"deal."

kat and dan are, obviously, completely and entirely dumbfounded when you return to the cafe, six-time world champion in tow.

they're even happier when they watch lewis cross the line in first place, five seconds ahead of max verstappen.

after the podium and post-race interviews, you find yourself crowded against the wall of lewis' driver's room yet again. your kisses are hot and messy, desperate hands wandering around each other's bodies. sometime in the lust-addled haze, you're laying back onto the couch pushed against the back wall and your jeans are being thrown somewhere across the room. whatever, you don't care where they are or how wrinkled they're going to be because lewis is eating you out again and, within minutes, you're cumming on his tongue again as his nose bumps against your clit. when he kisses you, your cum smears on your cheeks and chin and nose and it's so, so filthy, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

"are you coming to any other races this year?" lewis speaks up, his voice echoing through his chest. he's found you a pair of joggers that you'd slipped on after another set of blissful kisses and a messy (but very perfect) handjob. he's laying on the couch and you're resting on top of him, your arms wrapped around his torso and his own surrounding your shoulders. your socked feet are tangled with lewis' own, and his fingers, unusually absent of any jewelry, run gently along the curve of your shoulders.

"i'm not sure. i haven't gotten any race assignments yet from upper management, and traveling is really difficult right now if you don't have a work visa."

"i bet i can send some emails." you can almost hear the smirk in his voice.

"lewis," you scoff, burying your face in his chest. he smells like forests and jasmine and safety. "you're going to be the death of me."

[serialkilluh1996]

✆𝐌𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐇𝐋𝐄𝐑✆

Older-Crush-König x Younger-female-reader pt.1

You have an unhealthy infatuation with König. But where there is obsession, there are dilemmas. He's 35, you're 21. He's your colonel, you're just an assistant. But most importantly, he can't fucking stand you.

Warnings: reader has specifically the personality i wrote, use of ☆☆☆ in place of reader's name, age gap (14 years), König is kinda of an ass, contact me if I need to add more.

Proshippers, Comshippers DNI

¹ 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ➛

It's been almost a year since you fell in love with this man.

You were 20, looking for a reasonably paying job to live a reasonably affordable life, and Kortac had just the position.

A base level assistant. All you had to do was make sure everyone was in check, keep track of everyone's time sheets, and make sure all important files, including inventory, were safely stowed away in your computer supplied by the company. Who could turn down such an easy job? You didn't even have to do any field work.

Your life was going pretty damn smooth, if it wasn't for him. Him being König, your colonel and angel. He's a gorgeous man. Bright blue eyes, a firm muscular body, imposing height, his flattering accent. You were instantly in love with him, and he fucking hated it.

It started off small, with him politely hinting you away, but you were persistent. Bothersome. You absolutely wouldn't let him go, and that very fact would be the death of you.

König taps his pen against his desk, unmotivated to write his paperwork that was long past due. It wasn't anything serious, just a list of yes/no, if/and, where/when questions he didn't feel like reading through. Tap tap tap tap, the pen knocks against the table, abruptly stopping once König noticed you standing in the doorway.

He sighs, his entire mood shifting from unmotivated to irritated. "...why are you here, ☆☆☆..." he asks, sounding like more of a statement than a question due to his heavy accent and rough tone. Your name sounded like a curse coming from his mouth; a slur, even.

"I've done all my tasks." You explain to him, hands clasped together as you lean against the threshold.

"Und? Did ya want a cookie or something?" He teases. "I–I–" you stutter out, not sure how to respond to his sarcasm. "Don't worry about it." He fans his hand, looking back down at the paper.

He would've wrather been writing than dealing with you right now. You were so genuinely in love, enamored by him and his....qualities. but to König, this was all just some dumb hormonal puppy crush. He wanted a mature woman, not some silly girl like you.

"I...wanted to know if you'd go to the bar with me." You force out, your stomach churning with anxiety as you finally got the words out. "I'm not gonna be able to sneak you, Liebling, if that's what you're implying." He chuckles softly, beginning to scribble away at the paper.

"Sneak me in? I'm old enough to go to a bar, thank you very much." You look offended. It's almost humorous to him. Your anger is probably the only thing about you that made him smile, how funny and easy it was to piss you off. The younger ones typically did have a shorter temper.

"Oh, und how old are ya? 16? 17?" "...21." You said firmly, visibly irritated. You somehow managed to be the youngest in every group, so you were no stranger to being tease about your age.

"Oh...just old enough to drink. So, you want me to come and babysit you while you get drunk off your ass by some alcohol you're probably not even strong enough to handle?" "Why are you acting like this?" You folded your arms, frowning.

"What?" "I'm not inviting you as a chaperone, I'm inviting you as a date." You tilt your head slightly.

"...A date?" König almost bursts into laughter, stifling his chuckles with coughs as he covered his mouth. You could feel your confidence dropping with every hearty giggle.

"You're asking me out? Seriously?" "...yes." You mumble, no longer wanting to talk. "Why don't you ask Avery, hm? He's MUCH closer to your age." You frown at his words.

Avery was one his soldiers. A very kind young man, no older than 25, messy blonde hair. You loved having Avery around and he always made your moments memorable, but...he was practically a brother to you. You didn't see Avery as a potential love interest, you saw him as a silly best friend who had your back when you needed it.

"I don't want to go with him. I don't like him." You pouted.

"Well, that's too bad, Liebling. I'm far too old to be going out with someone like you. You're too young, und frankly, quite annoying. I want a woman. Not a puppy. Go ask someone else," he clicks his pen, leaning back in his chair.

"You're a very beautiful young lady and I'm sure there's plenty of men your age willing to kill to be with you." "I don't care what tuey want, I care what I want." You try to sound demanding, like you're standing your ground, but it comes out like a spoiled child whining, frustrating you further.

"Don't throw a fit, now." "I'm not!" You shout, now angry with yourself for being so openly bothered by his rejection. He couldn't help but exhale, looking at the sight of you. Your face was hot with agitation, eyes squinted with frustration as you stared into his eyes. He couldn't help but smile at your clenched hands. You were awful at hiding your emotions. It was almost precious to him

He felt himself becoming more tense, having to look down at the desk and put a hand to his forehead. "What am I gonna do with you..." he shakes his head. This wasn't the first time he'd rejected your advances; you've asked a myriad of times, being slowly but surely denied with more force each time.

"... I'll consider it." He offers, scratching his forehead, and you almost instantly rejoice at the idea. You suppressed a squeal as you bit your lip, trying not to make yourself look dumber.

"But not as a date." He interrupts, and you become nervous again.

"I don't want any unnecessary rumors about us spreading around. I'm not dating you and I don't want people to have the impression that I am. I'll invite a few others to go along with us and you will behave like a proper young lady. Understood?" "....Understood."

You can support me by liking, commenting, reblogging, and/or cashapping me @fundsbrownie. Donations are optional, but much appreciated. Have fun! And remember, take care of yourself.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Autographs

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x GN!Reader

Summary: You’re the social media manager for AFC Richmond’s socials. You’ve been seeing a trend of asking players for their autograph so you decided to try it out with your team.

Ted Lasso Masterlist

You hold your phone up as you peek into the locker room. All of the boys are dressed so you enter with a grin on your face. You keep a stack of papers close to your chest as you quickly head into Coach Beard's office.

"Hey, coach, training doesn't start for another thirty minutes, right?"

Beard checks his watch and nods, "Affirmative."

You nod, "Cool. I'm going to film some content for the socials then," you turn to Roy, starting with you. You press record and hold out a picture to him, "Can I get your autograph, coach?"

"Fucking hell," Roy grumbles as he sees a younger version of himself staring back at him, "Where the fuck did you find this?"

"Did some digging. Love the curls, by the way," you hold out a marker and Roy glares at you. He still scribbles out his name on the photo, handing it back to you, "There. Now fuck off."

You snicker, "Thanks a bunch!"

You exit the office and zero in on your boyfriend, Jamie. You waltz right up to him with giddiness. He smiles up at you as he finishes lacing up his boots. He stands and pecks your lips, "What's with the look, babes?"

You hold out a picture of a small Jamie posing on a pitch, "Can I have your autograph?"

His brows shoot up in surprise, "No fuckin' way. Where'd you find this?"

"I asked your mom to send me a pic of when you were little."

He chuckles, "Look at me. A sexy lil thing, aren't I?" You snort and hand him the marker. He signs his name and draws a heart, writing his initials and yours inside it. He caps the marker and hands it back to you along with the picture, "There ya go, babes."

"I'll cherish it forever."

You look down at your next photo and go up to Sam, who gives you a polite grin, "Good afternoon, Y/N!"

"Hi, Sam! Can I get your autograph?"

"Of course!" you hand him a picture of when he was a young teen and he laughs, "Oh my."

Jamie, who decided to follow you, reaches for the picture, "Aw look at you, Sammy boy!" Jamie shows all the boys Sam's picture and Sam bashfully chuckles.

"Alright, give it here, Jamie!" Sam swipes it back and signs his name. When he gives it back to you, he asks, "Where did you find this picture?"

"I scrolled through your old Facebook photos."

Sam sighs and shakes his head, "I knew I should've deleted those."

The next person you go up to is Colin. He's a small skinny thing, donning his primary school uniform, smiling widely.

Colin looks up at you in disbelief, "Did you reach out to my parents for this?"

You give a nonchalant shrug, "Maybe."

Each interaction with the boys went this way. Each one was surprised to see a picture of a younger version of them being handed to them. The surrounding players hollering and teasing each other for how they looked back then.

Jamie stood beside you the entire time, watching each interaction and just hanging around you. How could he not? He's always drawn to your presence. Not only that, he just adores how well you get along with the guys. You're sweet and funny, which makes it easy for them to say "yes" to whatever kind of video you want to film for the team's socials. You're very good at your job.

After all the photos are signed, you set them out so everyone can see. You stand back, watching the boys mess around with each other. You're already uploading the videos to your dropbox so you can edit them all together on your work computer.

Jamie wraps an arm around your waist and kisses your temple, "Must be nice getting paid to make fun of footballers," he says with a smirk.

You giggle, "So fun! Seriously so glad Keeley hired me on! Probably the most fun I've ever had in any job!"

"Also probably the best job ever since you get to hang around your hot footballer boyfriend too, yeah?" He gives you a playfully nudge.

You snort, turning to completely face him, your arms hooking behind his neck, "Oh absolutely," you lean in to kiss him but Roy steps in, pushing you two away from each other, "Get a room, you disgustingly cute little shits."

You look at each other confused, but then shrugged as Roy yelled, "Whistle! WHISTLE!" The gaggle of football players quiet and you quickly wave at Jamie. You blow a kiss at him and mouth, "I'll see you later."

He blows you a kiss back and waves, earning him a slap on the head from Roy.

"Oi! What the hell, gramps?"

"Pay attention!" Roy grumbles and turns his attention back to the rest of the players, ready to prepare them for today's training.

[taelophone]

Kitchen Fire

Joost Klein x Reader! TWs: RPF, tooth rotting fluff like omgggg W/C: 2207 A/N: I loved writing this sm thank you to the requester ily <33

Every full 365 days, the spotlight shines on one individual for their special day. Granted, many individuals around the world at once, but still. And today was all about you!

Joost was all about making sure you felt special and loved every single day, but he pushed sooooo much harder on your birthday. And today he decided he wanted to do something special for you!

“Good morning pineapple….” He started, giggling like a child as he shook you gently up out your sleep.

“…Looking very good very niiiice…” you chuckled back, barely even halfway awake. “Good morning, my dear..!” You smiled, rubbing the leftover sleep from your eyes as you went to sit up.

“How did you get in?” You smiled, knowing damn well you locked your door.

“Don’t worry about that, schatje, it’s your birthday!” He beamed, giving you no time to process before he sweeped you up, carrying and spinning you bridal style around your room.

“HAPPY BIRTHHHDAY TO YOU!” He sang, eagerly tossing you around as you giggled at his surprising amount of energy at 7 in the morning.

“Thank you, thank you!” You giggled, letting him pepper your face with tiny kisses.

“Go get ready, I booked a little spa day for you in like…an hour.” He smiled, placing you gently on your feet.

“Oh, okay then! Let me go get dressed.” You nodded, darting off to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

You knew that Joost probably went through a lot of labor to book your schedule up, considering he hates phone calls. But he still did it for you!

But what you didn’t know, was that the moment you were out the door, Joost was gonna completely takeover and decorate your house. He had big plans.

He laid down on the couch, his stomach pressed flat against the cushions as his long legs kicked up in the air while he waited for you to leave.

“You sure you don’t wanna go? I can pay-“

“Stop right there,” he murmured, raising a palm. “You’re not paying for anything. Much less a spa day for me.” He smiled.

“I have a lot of things to do at my computer, so I’ll be here when you get back and we can order some food.” He lied, watching you closely as you hobbled over to him and pecked his cheek.

“Okay…” you sighed, smiling at him lovingly. “I love you!! Bye!” You squeaked, closing the door behind you with an eager squeal.

He snickered at your joy, equally just as happy that you were happy. He waited about 10 minutes to make sure you were really gone before he got to work. 

He didn’t go too heavy on the decorations, as he didn’t want the cleanup to be horror for you two later. He hung up cute pink and white heart streamers, pink ribbons, and a massive paper sign that read ‘Happy Birthday’ with a collage of Joost’s many doodles.

He smiled, proud of his work before scurrying off to the kitchen, phone in hand. He scrolled through Pinterest, leaning back against the counter as he bit his bottom lip.

Joost had never been a cook, much less a baker, but he really really wanted to try for you.

Cakes with bows, Victoria cakes, sponge cakes, upside down cakes, fuck it, cake cake. He grew a little pale, the vast amount of cakes suddenly clueing him in on how little of a cakewalk making a cake would be.

He swallowed his anxiety before settling on a nice, simple raspberry jam Victoria cake. It looked easy, so he went straight for it.

He tossed the ingredients for cake in one big bowl, mixing them all together at once. The counter was riddled with flour, eggshells, and powdered sugar. It seemed as though no matter how much Joost mixed the batter, it never seemed to come to.

It was clumpy, but somehow still thick and…almost gelatinous. When he brushed against the counter, he could see the strange mixture jiggle and jitter. He cringed, staring down into the bowl as he fought back giggles.

He sighed, pulling out the circular baking pan and lined it with waxy parchment paper. He stared at the oven with genuine confusion, examining the little settings and knobs carefully before turning it up to the max, and tossing it on the top rack.

He wasn’t sure how long to keep the cake in, so he set a timer for an hour just to be safe. 

While he waited for the cake to finish, he cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes before plucking the raspberry preserves from your pantry.

He sat down next to the oven, welcoming its warmth as he occupied himself with his phone while he waited for you to come home.

Somewhere along the wait, the gentle warmth from the oven lulled his senses to comfort, threatening his eyes with a long nap.

And before he knew it, he was asleep.

You on the other hand, had been enjoying your entire day to the fullest. After your much needed spa day, you did some shopping at a cozy and pink stationary store you had been eyeing for a while. You even got a free pack of pens and a small plush keychain in honor of your special day!

You went store to store, milking absolutely every birthday deal to its death until around 6:30.

You made your way back home with over 200 notifications and achey arms from all your bags as you eagerly pranced through the front door.

“Jooost! I’m- oooh!” You rang, immediately admiring the decorations that hung from the walls. The afternoon sun beamed rose gold rays of sunshine through the windows, casting a gorgeous light over the shiny ribbons and bows as you walked through the house.

You tried to take in the scenery around you, but you could hear shuffling in the kitchen and smell smoke.

“Joost? You okay?” You cooed, setting your bags down on the floor and making your to the kitchen.

He stood by the counter, his hat bunched up in his hand as he stared at the brick literal molten charcoal on the counter. 

He turned around, holding the pan with two layers of oven mitts. “I tried to make you a cake, but…I can’t cook.” He smiled sheepishly, a light pink dusting the apples of his cheeks.

You giggled, watching as what was revealed to be a cake struggle to not explode in his hands. “It’s alright, love, thank you. We can make a cake together.”  You giggled, taking off your bracelets and the pretty little silver ring Joost had gotten for you awhile ago.

“Alright, what did you wanna make baby?” You asked, setting out the ingredients again, along with two bowls.

He rested his chin on your shoulder, watching as you set up the materials. “Victoria cake…” he hummed, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Ohhh, ok, ok.” You nodded, adding the softened butter and sugar to one bowl. “Ok, so you cream the butter and sugar first. You can’t just mix everything together at once. It’d work if it was a box cake though!” You explained, adding a pinch of salt to the now off-white and fluffy butter.

“Then you mix in the eggs after you beat them.” You nodded, cracking 3 eggs in the other bowl and mixing them together until they were well incorporated. You poured the eggs in with the butter little by little, mixing it together with a spatula.

“Do you want me to get you a whisk?” Joost asked, staring at the bowl in wonder. The dough wasn’t even finished, and it looked so much better than his did.

You shook your head, humming a small “nah.” You finished adding the rest of the eggs, fully stirring them into the fluffed butter. “When you use a whisk, it makes the butter and eggs separate. And that’s not what we want.”

Joost nodded, staring over your shoulder with childlike wonder and curiosity. “I didn’t know you could bake..?” He murmured, watching as you sifted the flour and baking powder into the bowl.

“Eh, I used to watch my mom in the kitchen.” You shrugged, giggling at the fond memory. “I would stare at her for a little while…I probably looked a lil crazy.”

“But it taught me a lot, so.” You shrugged, folding in the dry ingredients and smiling. “All done! Can you put this into two of the little circle baking sheets for me, please?” You beamed, handing him the bowl of light and fluffy dough.

“Yes, thank you.” He smiled, eagerly plopping half the dough into a baking pan before retrieving its twin from the cupboard and repeating the same process.

“It’s so fluffy…” he murmured, spreading out the dough evenly with the spatula. “Can I eat this?” He asked, waving the spatula around.

You stared at him with a raised brow, fighting the smirk that threatened to mark your face. “Sure, Joost. Why not.” You giggled.

While he ate the remnants of the cake batter, you sat the cakes in the hot oven and set a timer for 30 minutes. “I feel a little lazy, so I’m gonna do a really quick whipped cream for the cake.” You shrugged, unearthing the heavy cream from the back of the fridge.

“Babe can you hand me the hand mixer?” You asked, not knowing Joost had been standing half a centimeter behind you the whole time.

“Of course.” He murmured as the spatula hanging halfway out his mouth. He whisked around the kitchen momentarily before returning to your side, the little black mixer in his hand.

“Thank you!” You cooed, propping the mixer up securely on top of a random can of coconut cream. You gently placed the bowl under the whisk, poured the heavy cream and sugar into the bowl before turning the mixer on.

“Did you just DIY a stand mixer…?” Joost asked, genuine curiosity laced in his tone as he watched the heavy cream whip itself.

“I told you, I’m lazy.” You giggled. “It’s my birthday, I’m allowed to do this.” You nodded, walking out the kitchen and plopping down on the couch.

He hummed, staring at the makeshift stand mixer for a moment before joining you in the living room.

A few beats of silence passed by as you sat together, scrolling on your phones and enjoying each other’s presence before you spoke up.

“Wanna get changed with m-“

“Yes.”

You giggled, making your way back into your room to change into some comfy clothes as Joost followed behind you just as eagerly.

You emerged a while later, fresh faced and giddy after having done your night-time routine. You adjusted the pink strap on your hello kitty pajama pants, glancing at Joost’s matching pair as he felt the fluffy fabric underneath the palms of his hands.

“The cakes should be ready now!” You smiled, slinking into the kitchen and bending at the waist to stare into the glass door of the oven.

“…Yep. Think so!” You cheered quietly, slowly opening the oven and basking in its gusty breath of heat.

The smell of warm vanilla and confectionery goodness wafted through the air, filling your house with cozy comfort.

Joost stood closely behind you, watching as you took the cakes out of the oven and sat them onto some parchment paper.

“Alright, just put the raspberry jam on this first layer and like…spread it around.” You nodded, stopping the mixer to see perfectly stiff and fluffy whipped cream.

Joost nodded, slapping the sweet, sugary goodness down onto the first cake and doing his absolute best to spread it around evenly.

Once he was finished, he giggled eagerly before shaking your shoulder and pointing to the cake.

“It was harder than I thought, it was very sticky.” He murmured, watching you as closely as humanly possible while you gently added the whipped cream on top of the raspberry preserves.

“Baking is so deceiving!” You giggled, placing the top layer on the cake once the bottom layer was all done.

“Alright, I’ll let you place the berries and stuff on top for me.” You nodded, handing him the little carton of raspberries and blueberries.

And he took that job so seriously.

You watched him delicately place each and every berry in one specific place, rotating each fruit until it looked amazing. He was so engrossed in decorating the top that you weren’t even sure you could hear him breathe through the deafening silence. 

When he was done, he pushed the cake over to you and smiled.

“Ta-daaa!” He whispered, chuckling under his breath as he leaned his hip against the counter. “I made it for you!”

“Sure you did, Joost. All you.” You chuckled, rolling your eyes.

“Now you have to make a wish.” He murmured, taking out an I heart Joost Klein lighter from his back pocket, lighting in a safe distance away from your face.

“So conceited. Who has a light of themselves?” You chastised, but giggled nonetheless.

“Because everybody loves Joost.” He nodded, watching as you closed your eyes and blew out the flame of his little lighter.

“Happy birthday. I love you.”

“I love you too!”

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

dumping more of my stancest feels here because i cannot NOT think of them. i read journal 3 for the first time this week and its great because Ford acts like stanley's biggest hater which is pretty fking funny (if not absolutely infuriating at times because omfg stfu you smug prick)

but the moments like this get to me

Ford being blinded by his quest of grandeur, accolades and praise for world changing discoveries, so obsessed with greatness, being the first name people remember, and all the other things his npd-isms tells him he wants.

And then there's "reminds me of camping with my brother. i wonder what he's up to..."

i mentioned in my previous post that stan acts quite a lot like the anchor to ford's boat, keeping him grounded and most importantly, safe from both the bitter and the sweet kinds of evils. but he also represents something so much simpler to ford too: the simple desires he represses so much because its not "good enough" for someone special like him.

he resents stan so much because he represents a "block" against that percieved good enough success he wants, the obstacle that made it impossible to get in a fancy college, become the world renowed researcher, the one who wanted to destroy his journal's and lifes work (even though it was the better, safer option if Bill really WAS that dangerous, which he was) that could still make him famous. because if ford's not "praised and weird" then he's just "weird" and being "weird" was nothing but a pain his whole life that kept him rejected and isolated from the masses. and stan prevented him from that.

(btw "maybe he can prove himself to me" is nasty work my god ford is a douche lmao)

a lot of his projections of something greater comes through with how he treated dipper in the show (his whole spiel in damvtf) and fiddleford in journal 3 where he looks down on the happy life that fiddleford had with his wife and child and saying he was "wasting his talents" making computers. and like, we all know by the way he takes them on high stakes adventures they're not as prepared for compared to him (and end up causing more trouble than not by doing so), he's trying to fill a gaping hole left by someone else. we all know this obviously, we all know what we ship here, but what i came to appreciate the most about it is how much that gaping hole exists in the low stakes

everytime ford is thinking during the "down time" moments, his thoughts always drift back to his childhood, and one person who represents it.

childhood memories, making fun of stans favorite snack, scribbling out a design of the stan o war, whenever Ford lets his mind wander it expresses such an intense yearning for the past before he became obsessed with wanting something more. these are his most utmost and most unfiltered thoughts, which is why he scribles them away or and writes in code. and the fact that he directly says they are about NOT getting married, followed with "wondering what he's doing right now", painting the picture of what his most ideal idylic life is. wanting a return of something lost. wanting Stan back more than anything.

he finally accepts that his dream never really changed, just the same as stan's and so they saild off together for the rest of their days, in ford's own words (which ironically sounds like a marriage to me either way so tough shit ford)

[dayz-ina-daze]

My computer might be fucked. Entirely.

Awesome.

[spookieloop]

Fighting for my LIFE to not write a fic where Durge and Ascended Astarion approach Enver Gortash to join their world domination polycule.

[ana-cantskywalker]

sabezra + start over again by new hope club for the drabbles?

I try to respond to an ask in a reasonable timeframe challenge (level: impossible)

Legally this isn’t a drabble (I only very recently learned what a drabble technically is and this ain’t it) I don’t even think it can be considered a microfic anymore. It absolutely got away from me and is kinda massive considering the prompt.

Anyways, I hope you like it!

Setting: Modern au, they are in college (idk the details just college)

-

He was an idiot.

He’d been told that before but now he was sure of it because only an idiot would do what he’d done yesterday.

It had started out going extremely well for him, after taking nearly three years to work up the courage to do so, he’d finally told Sabine how he felt. How he saw his best friend as more than just a best friend, how he wanted them to be more.

And she hadn’t killed him surprisingly enough.

He thought such a heavy confession would ruin what they already had, which is why he’d taken so long to admit it, but she took it well. She didn’t hate him for one, and she even agreed to go on a ‘date’ with him. Not a real go to a nice restaurant type of date, but something slightly more intimate than their usual hangouts, to see if it would be a dynamic they might want to pursue.

He didn’t really know why she’d agreed, he wouldn’t dare hope it was because she reciprocated even if she wouldn’t admit it, but maybe…

They’d agreed on a picnic in the park near his house, casual but not anything like what they would normally do together. All their cards on the table, but without the pressure, the stage was set to be a perfect day, and he’d been thrilled.

That is until he had to go and kriff it all up.

His first mistake was being chronically late, not on purpose of course, but late nonetheless. She had to wait for him for nearly half an hour, it was a miracle she hadn’t just left, and maybe she should have. And then he had to go put his foot in his mouth when he tried complimenting her, he couldn’t even remember now what he’d said, just that it had sounded like a borderline insult.

He should’ve just told her she was beautiful, because kriff, she was.

Then, the cherry on top to the disaster of a date was when he knocked over his drink and spilled it all over her dress. Like an idiot.

It hadn’t ended with her yelling at him like he probably deserved, but it had been three days ago and she hadn’t so much as texted him. They usually talked every day. She was rightfully upset and he didn’t know how to fix it.

He needed to, his relationship with Sabine, friend or otherwise was one of the most important relationships he had. Also if he didn’t Tristan was going to kill him the next time he saw him.

The sound of a door closing snapped him from the doom spiral he was having face down on the couch. Looking up he saw his roommate Zeb walking in. The older boy gives Ezra a disapproving once over, “You still moping?”

Ezra doesn’t dignify him with a response, so he keeps going. “You know moping here on the couch isn’t going to fix anything.”

He rolls his eyes, “Thank you for that astute observation, Zeb.”

Zeb pushes through their tiny living area towards his room, “Fine, if you want to sit here in your misery then do it, just don’t bother me about it. But, if I was you, I would go apologize.”

With that he’s gone and Ezra sits up, he was right and Ezra hated it. He’d known for the past three days that was what he needed to do, he was just terrified of the response he might get. What if she chewed him out and never wanted to see him again.

Well, maybe that was a little extreme, she had every right to be upset but he might have been making the situation more drastic in his head. He had been known to be dramatic over things on occasion.

As he is pondering the extent of his dramatization of events, his eyes land on a picture stuck to the fridge, he could barely make it out from where he was, but he knew what it was of. It was a picture he and Sabine had taken when they went to the amusement park outside town last Summer. It was one of his favorite memories, not just with her, but ever. Was he really going to ruin that over his stupid cowardice?

No. He wasn't.

He was going to make things right.

-

The trip to the coffee shop where Sabine worked was quick. It was the prime spot to run into her for two reasons. One, because it was currently her work hours and he didn’t want to wait. Two, because if he risked waiting till later and trying to go see her at her and Tristan’s shared apartment, there was always a chance he would be there and she wouldn’t, and he didn’t fancy getting punched in the face today.

However, that still wasn’t out of the question with Sabine.

The bell above the door rang as he entered, and he was greeted by the familiar smells of coffee and pastries. It was quiet inside, only a few customers sitting at tables and no one in line at the register. Behind it sat Sabine, hunched over what he could assume was a sketchbook, golden eyes narrowed in concentration, purple and pink hair framing her face. She really was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

He cautiously approaches the counter, and she doesn’t look up, even when he reaches it, clearly not noticing it was him. Without so much as a glance she asks, “How can I help you?”

He clears his throat, pushing down the nerves in his stomach. “Could I have a hot chocolate please… and a second chance?”

Her head snaps up, eyes locking with his, shock written on her face, “Ezra-”

He cuts her off, which probably wasn’t the best idea in terms of trying to make it up to her, “Sabine, I’m really sorry about the other day. I messed up completely, and I know you’re probably really mad at me because I was a total idiot.”

It all comes out as one big word vomit, and he looks at the ground, embarrassed both because of why he had to apologize in the first place, and also because of his delivery of said apology.

“Yeah, you were kind of a total idiot weren’t you?”

When he looks up, instead of the disapproving scowl he’d been expecting, he finds a mischievous smirk. He could cry from relief at the fact that she apparently didn’t hate him.

He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, “Could we start over?”

[radarsteddybear]

Does anyone happen to know whether Kinch's shirt + pants are one single garment like Carter's is or if it's two separate garments?

[thebigqueer]

i love college cuz as soon as i decide to do a 180 w my major i do cs and physics classes and im like 'mmm i wish i could major in math'

[gothsuguru]

my writing juju is no where to be found… i WANT to write and i’ve been TRYING to write but my brain can’t compute a single thing!!!!! taking my ass to google docs OFFICIALLY NOW 😐 if this doesn’t immediately make me shakespeare i’m gonna throttle myself

[daisyachain]

The nature of time is that (culturally) Christian Euro/Anglo colonial consumers (hereafter white ‘people’) fetishize the idea of being ‘close to nature’ or ‘primitive’ or ‘savage’ and latch on to the idea that there are groups of people in the world who are somehow bestial or who have some kind of special powers from holding animist beliefs/beliefs that acknowledge the body as opposed to the Christian belief that the body is a kind of useless appendage to a person. We see this across decades from the 19thC to today in the racist fetishization of indigenous people across the globe, particularly residents of the Americas, Australasia, and southern/eastern Africa.

White consumers use a warped conception of other cultures to live out the fantasies that the Christian soul/body stuff engenders. You keep getting told that your emotions and physical sensations are the devil’s work? You want to get in touch with those physical sensations, but you don’t want it to interfere with your worldview? Simply project them on to a convenient group of people with slightly different conventions from you. Imagine how cool it would be to be 100% physical sensation (especially those pesky violent and/or sexual urges) and no mental burden, then unleash that in a way that causes millions of deaths worldwide via the dehumanization of entire nations of people just trying to live their lives. White consumers love a Proud Warrior Race Guy.

Flash forward to the 2010s, it’s generally considered impolite to spread the same propaganda that justified the genocide and dispossession of many different groups of people. However white culture hasn’t changed that much and normal human activities still need to be explained away to maintain the veneer of white intellectualism that has been used to justify white violence for years and years. You can’t just stomp around and clap your hands and dance badly, you’ve got to project it somewhere else.

But wait! There’s a community of people considered ‘tribal’ and ‘savage’, considered violent and bestial, who were never colonized! It’s…the Norse. Fetishizing early medieval North Sea raiders can’t be cultural appropriation, see, they’re white! It’s not offensive to replace an entire culture with white (male) ideas of what’s cool if that culture is totally unassociated with colonizer stereotypes and is in fact a culture of colonizers!

And that’s my theory on why there are so many Norse-inspired folk bands/video games/tv shows/memes/literally anything in the 2010s. VSaga not counted because that manga has been running since 2003 and is actually well-researched and comes out of a culture with a similar but distinct tradition of racism. The Euro storytelling tendencies of needing some kind of violent avatar have taken on ye anciente Norseman now that people care a little bit about the gallons of blood used to sketch other ethnic stereotypes. Done and dusted. Except the other side is that the fetishization of early medieval Norse culture is literally just white supremacist 101 and a lot of artists don’t step around that nearly as carefully as they should

[themyscirah]

But look at us Luke, we're the ones left alone, holding some rich monster's pain. All of existence, built on his violence. All of space-time, humming to life with a single inviolate rule. Give the hero something to punch.

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[francy-sketches]

I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life

[bearsinpotatosacks]

Update on my Whumptober thoughts: Not all the prompts will be posted, I have all 31 planned out but I found out that you don't have to post all 31. If a fic is finished, I'll post it but there's some big beasts that I want to write properly instead of rush. Also, I might not even write all 31. I want the completionist title but I don't have the time nor energy to force myself to write all the prompts and I did it last year and it wasn't like life-changing. I like Whumptober because the prompts help my creativity, spark some inspiration (talking about my Delancey Brothers Fic) but the perfectionist in me just beats myself up about not getting enough fics done before October or not writing enough each day to get them finished and then writing fics that all sound the same or the ideas being kind of shitty because I'm forcing them. I want to do my ideas justice rather than mass produce shit I don't like because I feel I need to, it's a constant line I walk between "I want to write something well and that I'm proud of so might be inactive for a while on AO3" and "I want to get this idea out there so need to post a bunch of stuff now"