#I wrote this in a library full of people studying for finals

[seeingivy]

false god

satoru gojo x f!reader 

you and satoru talk about faith. 

**part of my satoru as taylor swift songs series

content: lowkey suggestive, talk of god/religion/faith, reader is down bad for satoru but he’s down bad for you too!!! 

an: someone reblogged my fearless story and called it the swiftie agenda. so obviously I had to do it again. 

- 

Satoru Gojo never gets in his own head. So self assured in himself, in his own volition, that you sometimes you can’t believe he’s real. He moves through life, unchanging, unaffected, wherever the wind pushes him. You wonder if some part of it is arrogance. 

Satoru Gojo thinks he’s invincible. That’s why he can do anything and everything - nothing will ever be too much for the strongest. At times, you think he rubs off so much on you - when he whispers sweet nothings into your mouth or when he presses kisses to the sides of your thighs. He rubs off on you so much so that you’re starting to think that you’re invincible too. 

He’s like a disease, a drug, a vice you can’t quit. So soft, so unreal that your head is pounding in anticipation for when you can be with him next. Not even to touch, smell, or kiss him - just to catch a glimpse of his face. When his eyes meet yours, that glimmering look in his eyes beaming into yours, you are invincible too. 

As much as you can accost Satoru for thinking he can do anything, it turns out he really can do anything. His latest feat? Taking two kids under his wing and letting them live in his apartment with him. He’d mentioned in passing that he understood if you walked away, ran for the hills. I mean who would want to take care of two kids at twenty-one? 

You. Because you can follow Satoru Gojo anywhere. And you will. The DMV, the pits of hell, an awkward student conference - any place is heaven if he’s there with you. And anyways, two kids, who clearly enjoy your company as much as you enjoy theirs, could never scare you off. 

What could scare you off was the doubts racking around in your mind about Satoru, implanted by the conversation you just had with his parents. 

They had approached you, finding you outside the high school you taught at, under the guise of concern for your wellbeing. 

Satoru had mentioned that he had a rocky relationship with his parents - who he had mentioned were no better than Toji Fushiguro, who you have a very strong disdain for. 

But as much as he had convinced you to walk the other way if you ever met them, your curiosity got the best of you. And now their words couldn’t help but seep into your mind, eating away at any guise of confidence you had in you and Satoru - to take care of Tsumiki and Megumi, to stay together when the road gets hard, to make it out of a fight. 

“He wavers. The boy has never followed anything, living a faithless life. I’d advise you against the clear devotion and loyalty you have for him. Your blind faith will be your downfall. ” 

It’s all you can think about when Satoru comes home, sans Tsumiki and Megumi, who are on an overnight field trip to an outdoor education camp. What was supposed to be a delightful weekend - you and Satoru tangled in the sheets, running on the streets in the middle of the night, counting stars over his favorite dessert - was now you silently staring at him in the kitchen. 

“What’s wrong, love?” 

You want to give in. The touch, the promise of his sweet lips on yours, his sweetened smell - dear lord, do you want to give in. 

But you can’t. If he touches you again, sends you to heaven with his fingers, his eyes, his lips, it’ll just give you another memory to relive when he leaves, the wind pushing him away from you. 

“Do you believe in God, Satoru?” 

“Not particularly. Do you?” 

You try to silence the voice, their words ringing in your ears. He’s never followed anything, a faithless life. When is he going to stop following you? Can you even say that when you’re clearly the one following him? 

He wraps his arms around your waist, his frame crushing you from behind. You silently thank that he can’t see the confusion, the discomfort, the anxiety you’re sure is visible on your face. You can feel his warm breath against your ear, willing the need to be swayed by his sweet, sweet nothings down to your stomach. 

“What is it, love? You’re hiding from me today.” he whispers, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. 

You curse your sweet spot for him and abandon any rationale. 

“I saw your parents today. They came up to me after work.” 

His arms leave yours, retreating behind his figure. You turn around, an unrecognizable expression on his face. Anger? Sadness? Fear? 

You can’t handle it. One second away from those glittering, sparkling eyes and you can already feel your heart sink into your chest, the loss settling in you. But he’s not even gone yet. Anticipatory grief - you’re mourning something you haven’t even been deprived of yet.

He turns to the window, his arms outstretched against the ledge. 

“What’s bothering you about what they said?” he says, his voice clattering in your ears. 

You walk up next to him, keeping a distance so as not to touch him, leaning over the window as well. There are kids playing in the park below, kicking a soccer ball back and forth down the field. You think of Tsumiki and Megumi, silently hoping that they’re faring better than you and Satoru right now. 

“They told me that you’ve never followed anything. That you live a faithless life and that my devotion for you is going to be my downfall.” you whisper, resting your chin against your forearms. 

He’s silent next to you, his hand a few inches away from yours. You fight the urge to interlock your fingers with his, run your hands through his hair, pull his shirt off the top of his head. You have him to blame him for making you insatiable, his gentle touches never being enough. 

You feel his fingers wrap around your arms, pulling you up into his embrace. He pushes his frame against yours for a second time, the pressure of his arms encircling you and his bergamot cologne permeating your nose. 

“I don’t believe in what I can’t see, love. I’ve never understood how my parents can worship something they’ve never seen, touched, or felt.” 

He breaks apart, his fingers circling around the side of your cheek. He runs his fingers across your bottom lip, the touch shivering all the way to the bottom of your stomach. Satoru and his fingers. 

“I can believe in something I see, something I can touch, I can feel.” 

“So, you do believe in a God. Just not that one?” 

He shakes his head, a soft smile pressed against his lips. 

“You’re not getting it. My religion is you. Your lips, your hair, these eyes. The thing I follow is you.” 

You pale against him, your cheeks, your skin, your heart, burning. In this moment, you realize he was going to be the death of you, you were sure of it. 

“You might be a false god, but you’re the one I worship. My devotion for you is my salvation.” 

You can feel yourself trembling in his hold. He’s moving, sidestepping you back off the balcony into his bedroom. You can feel his hands, that stupid touch, moving from your hair, to your neck, to your hips. His lips follow, leaving marks, indentations on your skin. 

As he presses soft kisses to your cheeks, his lips suckling on that sweet spot in between your neck and your ear, you decide that it’s enough. 

He may be faithless, but he has faith in you. If he can worship this love, you can too. 

- 

the satoru as taylor swift songs series masterlist

[moonit3]

୨⎯ "MISS POPULAR AND MISS NOBODY" ⎯୧

➽ context warnings: yandere female, wlw!, afab! reader, nsfw, reader encourages the yandere behavior, mentioned murder, masturbation (f!), fingering, mentioned stalking, breaking in, yandere stealing personal items from reader,

➽ word count: more than 2.5k

➽ synopsis: a lost sketchbook brings the two most unexpected people into a unexpected relationship.

➽ yandere! loser girl x popular! reader

➽ a/n: sorry for the long wanting, guys. there were a few problems with my college’s website and I almost lost my spot (but luckily i managed to fix it) and also, got a little depressed with penacony (T-T). but here is another collab with @taeee0902 that I really happy to have written it! however, I changed a few things close to the ending since i felt if I wrote more, things would’ve taken a wrong lead (leaving an open ending(?)) and also, i got lazy (sorry for that). but i hope u guys enjoy it! also tell me if there is any mistake as i wrote this in middle of the night.

➽ inside the library, at the one of the darkest corners of the old building, there is a young woman studying on her art. mumbling to herself about putting extra details on it as she struggles to find more ideas to finish her work before the deadline next week. her eyes couldn’t help but start getting tired after she spend an amount of her money on buying energy drinks to keep herself awake for the rest of the day.

➽ a place like the library was supposed to be quiet, somewhere safe to the rest of the loud and rude students go the campus, but not today. it’s seems those popular kids decided to come over and ruin her peace in less thanks five minutes. however her attention towards the art project got better after buying a large cup of coffee, so daisy pay no mind towards those idiots.

➽ the group of popular kids whisper to each other about the weird girl sitting by herself, saying nasty things about her looks and dark circles under her eyes, already imagining how her dormitory might look like full of dirty and smelly. all of them laughing and smiling about daisy, but not you, instead of making fun of her like anyone else wouldn’t do, you just watch the girl working on something behind the piles of books at the table. she looks kinda cute when focusing, with her tongue out of her mouth and the headphones covering her ears to prevent hearing from hearing anyone talking about her looks.

➽ it’s clear there is something on daisy that calls you, she makes you feel weird feelings that you never felt before with anyone else. the voices of your so called friends become muffled inside your head, now you could only hear the faint song coming out of her headphones, making you wonder about the taste in music she has. maybe she enjoy classic music? probably electronic or perhaps a genre that you don’t know the existence of?

➽ your eyes couldn’t move away from her, not when her body keeps moving in rhythm with the songs playing in her headphones as she works at her personal works. your mind keeps telling to step up and talk with her about anything, however you couldn’t, not when your own body isn’t obeying your orders. after hours and hours on her own little world, she packed her things to leave the library and return to her dormitory.

➽ however, she forget a small notebook at the table and when your friends leave to go to a party, you didn’t hesitate to take and put it inside your backpack before finally returning back to the sorority house and preparing yourself to go to bed after a long day of studying. however that didn’t happened.

➽ your fingers traced on the lineart on the cover. it’s feel wrong to see a piece of art without the artist’s permission, but you needed to find a way to contact the owner and luckily, you find something. a phone number and quickly, you called the mysterious girl to ask if tomorrow would be a perfect timing to give her sketchbook back…and as expected, she agreed to meet you up at the library, at the same spot she forget the sketchbook.

➽ when tomorrow arrived, daisy couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed about this whole encounter. sitting an empty bench, her mind is playing tricks on her about the person might never appear and keep her precious sketchbook to themselves—then a more rational part of the mind forces her to calm down, taking deep breaths before opening her eyes to see a figure standing in front of her.

➽ the smell of sweet perfume and the aura of an angel makes daisy realize the person who has her book is no other than mrs. popular girl, the girl who everyone wants to be and the person who everyone wants to kiss. oh no, she can already imagine the ill words you are going to say at her art and so, daisy prepares herself to be massacred by you….but you don’t.

➽ instead, words of kindness came out from your lips. you explained that you’ve taken a look inside her art—feeling guilty of such act, but at the same time, proud that you have found a great artist like her. “i never thought that ive found someone who uses acrylic markers so well as you! and the way you used post-it to cover up some mistakes is your signature? ahhh…is that how people call it?”

➽ every word coming out of your lips makes daisy feel special, for the first time since she remembers, someone has not only treat her art normally (without making fun of it) and for the first time ever, a person haven’t downgraded her as a lower level. she won’t admit, but it’s really cute seeing your cheeks blush when trying to find unique words to describe some of the art inside the sketchbook.

➽ clap! she closes the notebook to look up at your face, lips fully closed and staring down at her pale skin now red of embarrassment. “t-thank you, [name].” damn it! she wasn’t supposed to stutter in front of you. “and there is no problem that you’ve look into my sketchbook. but i need to go, bye!” without hesitating, daisy made her escape and left you standing you at the park. thinking about the unusual nature of daisy.

it’s been days since daisy has met you and still, she wasn’t able to forget about your lovely smile. her mind couldn’t forget the faint feeling of obsession passion growing inside her heart, making her cheeks red of only thinking about your presence.

the pages of the sketchbook are full of art of your face, smiling directly at the artist. post-it covers some more explicit drawing of your body, all filled of bites, scratches and of course, positions of your body in situations she would never speak out loud. it’s wrong to draw someone like this, she knows. however, as much daisy keeps telling herself to stop, she can only continues to draw more of your body like this, imagining what you looks underneath those fancy outfits.

“i’m sorry,” she said to herself, pulling her panty to the side, already touching her clit while thinking about you. “i-i’m sorry, [name]…” the newly feeling of wetness around her genitalia made easy to slick a finger inside, sensing the warmth of her inner walls.

she can’t put more than one finger without tearing the hymen, but it’s already enough to pleasure herself by it. “hmm-“ the juice leaking allows daisy part her clit apart to take a better look of her pussy when staring at the mirror, admiring the juice leaking from it. “[n-name]!”

daisy can already imagine it. having you above her body and giving orders for what to do to make you happy. her mind playing tricks on her whatever her finger reach a new spot to touch, making the whole body curves with moan and whines escaping from the lips.

it’s didn’t took much time for her orgasm to come, leaving fluids on her finger and wetting the white sheets of the bed. her breath is completely gone when laying down at the bed, not wanting to get up and look at herself at the mirror, but something more strong makes her gain enough stronger to walk towards the mirror.

a disheveled hair covering one of her eyes, cheeks completely red and of course, thighs dirty of her cum that haven’t stop dripping from her clit. never in millions years, daisy believed that she would touch herself in an intimate manner like this, specially towards another girl…but now, daisy knows she is capable of doing anything towards [name].

things aren’t going easy to you, not when the most comfortable hoodie of your has gone missing! how are you supposed to rest after a long day of study without wearing your most precious piece of clothing? you even placed it above behind the door to not forget.

“have you searched everywhere?” one of your friends would asked, worried about the smile missing from your face.

“of course i did! i looked everywhere, even under my bed!” you cried, sad that you’ve now to wear some of the guy’s hoodie in a failed attempt to comfort you. “how am i going to sleep in peace? I can’t buy another hoodie, not when that one have so memories of good times.”

your friends stayed quiet, feeling bad when they have no solutions to your problem. all of them thought for a while, wondering if there is a way to solve the mystery.

“wait! what if you are sleeping walking?” one of the girl suggested, bringing everyone’s attention towards her. “your sleeping form probably hide your hoodie someway you can’t find while awake. so why not set your webcam on to caught you?”

the idea was great, but not their suggestion to your sleepwalking. after classes, you set up the webcam camera to let you catch whoever is behind the missing hoodies (and panties, but you omitted this part from them) and now, you’ve just to wait for the mystery person to show up when you went to attend classes.

with you attending classes for the rest of the day, daisy waste no time to raid inside your apartment by the window. her eyes grown bigger when seeing another hoodie with your scent just laying on the bed.

jumping into the mattress, daisy couldn’t resist the smell of your perfume all over the sheets and so, she began sniffing it and moaning your name while hugging one of your pillows, clearing imaging that is you instead of the fluffy pillow.

“[name]…” your scent never leaves her nostrils, not with her body almost melting into your sheets to become one within it. “you change your perfume, didn’t you? now, you smell even more perfect. just like flower in the middle of the springs.”

she wishes to stay inside your apartment forever, watch your life while hiding inside the wardrobe to protect you from the dangerous people who dare to touch you inappropriately. but, she can’t do that. daisy has the goal of graduating, becoming a famous artist to be the breadwinner when she marries you in a soon future.

feeling her body gain extra energy, daisy leaves your bedroom by the window, but not before grabbing a few personal items to her shrine. completely unaware that her actions were recorded by her own object of obsession.

when you return home after a long day of studying, you become surprised to see daisy roaming all over your room. seeing her stealing the dirty underwear from the laundry basket and even laying down at your bed! oh, is that weird?

yes, but your heart speaks otherwise. watching the recording of the loner girl invading your privacy to her own likes and doing all of her perverts acts makes you feel good, something that you never felt to someone else.

she is so pretty when sniffing your belongings! anyone else would find it weird to see someone doing that, but not you—you find daisy quite cute doing it when thing no one is watching… perhaps, will she go even further if you let her steal more of your stuff? you hope so.

since that day, you began leaving the bedroom messier than before. clothes scented by your usual smell are long gone from the wardrobe, the newly used toys that you’ve brought to tease yourself after classes go missing too. you can only imagine what daisy is doing with those presents you have left behind.

➽ with the exams and classes over, a beach party is thrown to celebrate the end of the semester and of course, you were invited and daisy waste no time to followed you around the party, hiding in the shadows to protect you from anyone who dares to hurt you. the black haired girl doesn’t know that you are aware of her presence, making things even more interesting.

➽ daisy admirers your body dancing in the middle of the room, but at the same time, feeling guilty to be looking at you with lust just like the others. deep down, she knows that she is no different from those who dares to look at you like you are some prey to be tasted, however, daisy isn’t the type to let it go of you so easily.

➽ after dancing for a long time, you decided to rest at one of the rooms upstairs and daisy waste no time by following you. inside of the suite, daisy enters the room in silence and scan the interior, simultaneously looking for a place to hide and your whereabouts. despite her eyes looking at each corner, the black haired girl doesn’t can’t find you anywhere. did she imagined you walking here?

➽ before any reaction could take place, daisy found herself ensnared in surprise, arms wrapping around her small body, putting her into an embrace. cheeks fully red when she realize that it’s you who is holding her, feeling your breath behind her neck. is this really happening? this can’t be a dream, daisy is praying for this to be real.

➽ “daisy, daisy, daisy…” she let her guard down, letting you freely take advantage of the situation to hug her body. “i never expected to see you around here. but, i can’t deny that i am really happy to see you here.”

➽ she doesn’t move. her body stay in place when feeling your hands getting down at her black shorts, untying it to let your hand roam free around inside her panty. it’s makes her body squeal when a finger touch the tip of her clitoris, making her almost melt with it.

➽ “hmm—“ before any of her moans could take over the room, your lips meet hers, dragging her into daisy’s first kiss. it’s feel weird, she thinks, but at the same time…it’s better than she ever imagined! she lets you take control over her body, knowing that you have more knowledge than her.

➽ daisy could feel her body get redder and hotter by the instant you push her to the bed, wasting no time to unbutton the plaid shirt to display the cute black bikini and then to remove her bikini bottoms to take a closer look at her cunt. the night haven’t start and she is already dripping.

➽ a smile slowly make to your lips. to think that daisy was probably so overwhelmed by this situation makes you wonder about how aroused she is. “don’t worry, sweetie.” your finger touches her clit, rubbing it against her walls, but not taking too deep to hurt her. “i’m going to be gentle, okay?”

➽ she nodded. “j-just touch me, please—” there is tears coming out of her eyes when a finger of yours manage to touch a soft spot of her inner walls, words are replaced by whimpers. as you continue to pump your two fingers inside her, daisy couldn’t hold her voice back. it didn’t took much to her moans to echoed all over the room and would probably reach downstairs too if the songs aren’t that loud.

➽ a high pitched scream warned about her incoming orgasm. her cum all over your palm when she finally stops squirting, attempting to regain her breath, cheeks full of redness as she musters enough courage to lift her face and meet yours.

➽ her trembling hands move to hold your hips closer to hers, not leaving a space between your bodies when daisy managed to speak. “can w-we continue it? please, i really need you.” the shyness and embarrassment of her face is gone, replaced by obsession and desire. and you are loving it.

➽ you couldn’t be happier seeing daisy right below your body, ready to take anything you have been planning for the past couple of weeks, even if those things could lead to dangerous acts. she is right inside your palm, ready to be played and loved by you only.

➽ “really?” your hips began to move, dirtying your bottoms with daisy’s fluids and making her whine a bit. “if that’s what you want~” playing with her perky chest, a smile make it way to your lips when going down to her lips, leaving a fainted mark of lipstick on her. “then i will make it an unforgettable night for you, daisy.”

@moonit3 writing

[sl-ut]

sweet cliches

THE BEGINNING

pairing: college!abby anderson x fem!preppy!reader

description: just some hcs about the early stages of abby’s relationship with preppy!reader 

warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking, probably a lot of grammar/spelling mistakes (i was really high when i wrote this)

date posted: 29/03/23

series masterlist

abby is a senior when they start dating, y/n is a sophomore

during abby’s freshman year, she became a star athlete so she was very popular by the time that y/n came into the picture

i hc that she plays either hockey or lacrosse (but that's probably just the canadian in me)

for the sake of the plot, let’s go with lacrosse

y/n doesn’t even appear on abby’s radar until the start of her senior year

they met through a mutual friend

y/n would know nora through a shared class or maybe work and got invited to some team party

she’s probably also on the cheer team, so they’ve been running in the same circles, just haven’t interacted much until this point

nora introduced her to the team at the party and abby wasn’t immediately interested

her sports career is her priority, so her dating history isn’t very long, but it didn’t mean that she didn’t get around a bit. bc of

 this, i feel like her usual type would be people similar to herself, and y/n did not fit that archetype

y/n had thought abby was attractive right off the bat. after the party she asked their mutual friends about her

she was disappointed when she was told that she wasn’t really abby’s type but pushed it to the back of her mind

abby caught interest when they bumped into each other at the campus coffee shop

she had noticed y/n standing in line behind her and started a friendly conversation, not expecting much

abby got the vibe that y/n may have been someone who was a bit full of themselves, and was genuinely surprised at the cramp that appeared from her stomach from laughing

the next time they talked was at another party, only she made an effort to talk to y/n for a bit before ducking out early

she gives me the vibe that she didn’t party very hard–she watched the amount of alcohol she consumed to keep herself in peak physical condition, and she needed to perform drug tests every once and a while to stay on the team

however, i think that she definitely still makes an effort to attend parties for the social aspect, and probably heads out around midnight every time

after winning a tournament or championship, however, abby is swimming in celebratory drinks and will definitely be a few sips past tipsy

y/n almost fainted the next day when nora told her that abby had asked her for y/n snapchat

from then on, y/n noticed how much more often she and abby would run into each other on campus, and began to wonder if it had been purposeful on abby’s part

abby finally made a move a few weeks later after she another rather casual date, probably just grabbing a coffee, going to a movie, or just hanging out at her apartment

it took her a few weeks to finally ask y/n to be her girlfriend

it was definitely asked in passing

like they went to a coffee shop or the library to study together quietly, abby was just watching y/n quietly and just asked. 

y/n smiled at her and nodded, and reached to hold her hand over the table for the rest of the time that they were there

[italoniponic]

Caught | Trey Clover

Synopsis: Because of your difficulties with alchemy class, you asked for Trey’s help to study. However, as Heartslabyul is full of problems and crazy people, the moment between you two is interrupted. Many, many times.

Trey Clover x gender neutral reader / fluff / a bit of comedy / established relationship / use of “you” pronouns

Word count: 1327k words | Masterlist

Notes: This was something I wrote a long, long time ago. It was basically lost among my fics files but since it’s Trey, I decided that I could share a little bit of “general Trey appreciation” once in a while. Stan the baker glasses boy to good cakes and better kitchen skills!

Caught

Trey’s voice was sweet and clear, filling the room with an incredible sense of comfort as if you two were actually in the kitchen preparing a cake together. But he was only reading the contents of the book of alchemy. Nothing else.

You were split on whether the idea of asking your boyfriend to help you study had been good. On the one hand, the theoretical content seemed much more understandable when it was explained by him. On the other hand, having Trey by your side in bed and having his voice so close to your ears was also becoming an immense distraction.

What to do in such cases? You were at a crossroads between pushing yourself to pay attention and not falling into the temptation of putting your head on Trey’s shoulder to finally fall into the world of dreams. His bed was large and comfortable, the cotton blanket had a very nice smell of cinnamon.

“Are you paying attention to the alchemy lesson?,” Trey asked suddenly.

The question shook you a little, putting you back to reality. Despite this, his tone wasn’t impatient. In fact, it was quite teasing.

“I’m trying,” you replied. “But next time, we’ll study in the library. It’s too comfortable here.”

“Oh? Why do you say that?,” Trey raised one of his eyebrows, his smile widening more.

“Because... uh... you... your room... I d-don’t have to answer! Just believe me!”

Trey let a little laugh slip away. 

How difficult it was to please such a simple person sometimes! But he understood what you were saying. He was also almost dozing off himself with the first-year’s alchemy theory book, a part of the subject he thought he would never have to deal with again in life. It was the reason Trey had become used to writing down Crewel’s lessons so as not to fall asleep in class.

However, being there reading that boring content on a bed that practically begged for someone to take a rest in and right next to the one he loved the most, his desire was to stretch out and leave study for later. 

Just to lay side by side, no much more than that. Letting the afternoon go by while they held a tea party in their Wonderland. 

But if anyone caught them in those conditions, Trey would hear a lecture from Riddle as if his own mother, Mrs. Clover, were there.

“Why don’t we go to Ramshackle, then?,” he suggested.

“The ghosts always interrupt us and Grim gets bored very easily. It would be the two of us running after him and preventing some good old chaos,” you explained, laughing a little while remembering how the cat must have been sleeping alone in your room. “Well, only when I’m around at least.”

“Heartslabyul is a quieter dorm in your opinion?”

“Of course I do. You all have a great leader and an amazing, super-responsible and caring vice…,” you touched the tip of the young man’s nose. “... that is you!”

Trey smiled and stared into the depths of his beloved one’s eyes. He was happy that his company was so dear to you and you saw him in such a positive way. This made Trey wish to reward you for words and confidence. Could he make you a cake? Maybe a pie? A Coconut “little kiss”? Or, who knows, another type of kiss.

Noticing the new glow of Trey’s big honey eyes behind his glasses, you had a small premonition of what you were going to receive. 

You closed your eyes and waited for Trey to get closer. When you two could practically feel your breaths collide, someone knocked on the door.

“Clover-senpai!,” you both moved away the moment Deuce entered. “Ace is making the flamingos fight and helding bets on them!”

You held back from asking how the whole thing was possible when you heard your boyfriend take a deep breath.

“Grab the flamingos’ food and drive them back to the fence. It won’t take too long before they stop fighting,” Trey explained. “And hit Ace on the head for me.”

Deuce nodded and gave a small embarrassed nod to the couple. The door quickly closed, welcoming again the comfortable silence of the room.

You approached each other again, returning to your original positions. You held Trey’s nape, preventing him from escaping again and he held your free hand. The book of alchemy became a mere souvenir, forgotten somewhere in the blanket. You could feel Trey’s lips rubbing so close to you when a squealing sound suddenly became audible. 

The door opened yet again.

You somehow jumped in the best spy action movie stunt move off the bed and stopped with your knees on the floor to face Ace, whose torso was clamped by some pink flamingo’s legs. However, that’s not what the freshman came to warn you.

“Clover-senpai! Deuce is choking on a hedgehog cub!”

“How?!,” you both questioned at the same time.

“I… m-mean… the flamingo may have accidentally made a shot on the hedgehog and it flew right into Deuce’s mouth. At least the poor thing didn’t fall into the flamingos stable like last time,” Ace scratched his hair, half relieved, half worried.

“Are you talking about Deuce or the hedgehog in that last part?,” you asked more concerned.

“It doesn't matter,” Trey interrupted. He was getting tired of all this. “Do the Heimlich maneuver and Deuce will be able to spit out the hedgehog. Now, stop throwing things at him! And don’t make the flamingos fight anymore!”

“O-okay.”

Ace then paused for a moment, thinking about inquiring about your presence there but he ultimately gave up. Instead, he closed the door and ran away. More quacks were heard along the way — the flamingo very happy for the new ride.

You two gave up on trying to kiss again and just layed together on the same pillow, equally tired. You turned to face Trey’s exhausted expression but you smiled as you saw him play with one lock of your hair. Trey took off his glasses for a moment and closed his eyes, enjoying that moment of silence while it could still last.

You also closed your eyes, hugging your boyfriend’s torso. The scent of cinnamon — with light touches of vanilla — seemed stronger than before. Suddenly, peace was reestablished and you were in your own world again. Nothing could interrupt this sweet moment.

“Trey! I swear I’ll exterminate this entire dorm someday!,” Riddle opened the bedroom door and entered in pure rage. “A group of seniors did the favor of burning three cakes in the kitchen! Flamingos and hedgehogs are all over the place! Roses everywhere! Ink spilled where even the Queen of Hearts could doubt! And... u-uh... er… eh!”

Riddle suddenly stopped, his eyes stuck on the bed where the couple were together and were trying to sleep. Trey sat down and stared at his childhood friend, although completely blurry. And the fact alone that he was trying to focus his sight in vain was quite nervous and intimidating. But mildly unintentionally. 

I said, mildly.

You turned around in time to see Riddle’s face intensely colored red and he looked away.

Extremely embarrassed, Riddle walked around a few times until he finally reached the exit and closed the door quietly. Or at least, you both wanted him to stay that way.

“Anyone who dares to interrupt Trey and the Prefect’s moment of intimate privacy again will lose their heads!,” Riddle threatened the whole dorm in a loud voice.

Trey hid his face in his hands, wanting the floor to swallow him. He knew that Riddle tried to help you with all the good intentions but he couldn’t have had the most awful time to misinterpret the situation you were in.

It was the first time you had seen your boyfriend so embarrassed and flustered since he was forced to sing at a surprise karaoke night organized by Cater.

“L-library?,” you suggested hesitantly.

“Please…”

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Walked into my cousin’s house (he’s a firefighter) to find everyone trying to find out what it means when the firemen say, “A Collyer’s Mansion Situation.” No need to look, I knew it referred to the Collyer Brothers of New York City- the code for fire in a hoarder’s house. The picture above is of the police knocking down their door w/an axe. 

It usually means it’s not safe to enter the building. In 1947, it took police 5 hours to plow thru the junk and find the first brother’s body. It took them 3 weeks to find the 2nd brother just 10 feet away, buried under a collapsed junk tunnel.

History’s worst hoarders, the tragic but fascinating tale of the Collyer brothers can speak to anyone with a penchant for collecting or thrifting. How did 2 prominent members of society end up sealing themselves off from the outside world, fiercely reclusive and entombed by over 140 tons of collected items?

Homer and Langley were both educated at Columbia University. Homer had a degree in law and Langley studied engineering and also became an accomplished concert pianist who performed at Carnegie Hall.

They had a normal childhood. They never married or lived on their own, & chose to remain at the family’s Harlem brownstone with their mother. When their parents died, everything was left to them.. 

In 1933, Homer went blind from eye hemorrhages. His younger brother quit his job to care for him full-time, which is when their withdrawal from society began. Langley began keeping years of newspapers so his brother could read them when his sight was restored.

In the midst of the Great Depression, the brothers became increasingly fearful of their own neighborhood, which was shifting from the upper-class area they had known to an area synonymous with poverty and crime.

People became curious, local kids threw rocks at the windows, increasing their paranoia. Langley boarded up the windows, removed the doorbell and wired the doors shut.

Several people attempted to burgle the home, which prompted Langley to construct booby traps and elaborate tunnel systems made of junk all around the house.

Langley ventured out only after midnight for food runs. He would collect countless unwanted and abandoned items on the street that caught his eye along the way.

When Homer became paralyzed due to rheumatism, the brothers refused to seek medical treatment. Even though their father was a Dr., they didn’t trust them. Instead, they decided to use their fathers medical library in the house.

Langley believed his brother’s sight could be restored with a diet high in vitamin C so he fed Homer 100 oranges a week. He adapted a Model T Ford to generate electricity after their power was cut off, along with their water and gas, due to unpaid bills.

When the bank came to evict them, police found Langley in a clearing he had made in the walls of junk. Without a word, he wrote a check for the equivalent of nearly $100,000 today to pay off the mortgage and ordered everyone off the property.

The next time authorities returned, it would be to search for the bodies of the Collyers. To enter the sealed brownstone, an officer broke a window on the second floor and climbed through.

Unable to get past the solid walls of junk, a squad of men began making their way through the debris by throwing out everything blocking their way onto the street. The spectacle drew a crowd of thousands.

After several hours, they found Homer’s body. Medical examiners later determined he had died of starvation and heart disease.

When they couldn’t find Langley, they thought he fled and launched a search. Finally, a workman found his decomposing body. He was buried in one of his 2ft. wide tunnels lined with rusty bed springs and a chest of drawers. He had died of asphyxiation after he accidentally tripped one of the booby traps and was crushed. Police believe that he was bringing food to his brother. 

The house was deemed an unsafe fire hazard and was razed later that month in 1947. Some of their stuff went to museums and the rest was sold at auction.  Since the 1960s, the site of the former Collyer house has been a pocket park, named for them.

messynesschic.com

[creacherkeeper]

fave song at the moment?

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

fave song at the moment?

honestly i have been fuckin jammin to texas hold em by beyonce lmaooo. fixing me while i work on finals

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

in chronological order:

shawn spencer from psych. uh. oops

this is gonna sound silly especially to people who are newer to my blog but i wrote a fairly extensive au for an old fandom where four of the main characters were children who get adopted by one of the older characters and it started from an anonymous ask and eventually evolved into a full au with like a lot of installments and tens of thousands of words and writing it is what made me realize i wanted to be a dad and adopt kids and now thats a fairly central part of my future plans. weird that an anonymous ask with an au prompt can change your life like that but

the library of lensa dnd homegame run by @masculinepeacock. the most important people in my life were strangers who i met through that game and i am now 2 years sober and in a masters program learning game studies because of it

[yjano]

Who I am now?

Part 11.

Pairing: Jake x Mc.

Genre: Angst, comedy, dark romance.

Warnings: Strong language, angst scenes. 18+ content can be found.

Words: 5.9k

Author's note: This story contains mature topics and is not fully related to the duskwood game. A different parallel with different personalities. Thank you everyone for following and liking this! lly.♡

•

.

Jake focus.

.

The next morning, I walked out of the shower, feeling refreshed and tousling my dark wet hair with a towel. I entered the main bedroom, wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a black hoodie. I stopped in my tracks when I noticed Mc helping herself to the complimentary breakfast of warm buttered toast and the black coffees provided by the couple who owned the place.

I gulped, letting the hand holding the towel drop to my side as I was studying Mc discreetly, walking toward her. It's all cool, Jake. Just simply grab your toast and don't scare her. Stay calm. An exhausted Mc was curled up against the corner of the couch, wearing a red hoodie Lex had donated her. She was biting into her buttered toast. Upon noticing my gaze on her, Mc pulled the hood of the jumper over her head, covering half of her face and shielding her dark circles and the sore red skin around her worn eyes.

I walked over to pick up my slice of toast and tried to give some space to Mc by sitting on the unmade bed a distance away from her. I bit into my breakfast warily, waiting for Mc to speak her regular flurry of questions she usually asked every morning. So it was more than just worrying to see her so silent and wary early in the morning.

Finally, when the silence got too deafening. I cleared my throat, standing up to brush away the toast crumbs.

"Mc, we should get going," I muttered, secretly hoping to elicit a reaction from Mc. But unfortunately, she didn't say anything just simply nodded, finishing the last of her toast. She stood up, weakly brushing the tiny crumbs off of her hoodie front as well.

When she stood up waveringly, I got a full view of Mc's sleep-deprived self. Her skin was pasty under the morning light, her eyes were bruised from rubbing them dry, looking as if she'd be ready to fall asleep within seconds. Her shoulders were slumped in an exhausted manner.

I looked away, trying to ignore the guilt of feeling eating me alive. Distractedly grabbing a black backpack I hauled it onto my shoulders before wordlessly walking towards the room's door, listening to Mc's shuffling close behind.

We both walked towards the center of town after leaving the motel, cycling in the half-deadness of it all. For some unknown reason, people have disappeared from the town. But it's Duskwood. The ssight was more than just unnerving to me but still, neither of us said anything.

Soon I figured out the reason for the lack of people when we passed by a public library noticeboard stuffed full of brightly decorated posters advertising a amusement park party taking place today. I read the bold font denoted on the poster.

"Join us for live entertainment. Fun booths, slides, homemade foods, and drinks are available for free!"

I furrowed my brows slightly. Didn't Mc wrote that she wanted to go to an amusement park on her bucket list. It's not as big or as great as I'd want her to experience but it'll do. I nodded to myself warming to the idea already.

I looked over my shoulder to see a fidgeting Mc sitting on the carrier, pulling the sleeves of her jumper over her hands, completely disregarding the noticeboard we'd stopped in front of. I started to pedal down the desolate roads with the intent to find that amusement park. Maybe the amusement park will make her brighten up a bit more.

It didn't take long before we arrived at an amusement park. The large grassland was flooded with hundreds of people walking around holding clear plastic buckets of baby pink candy floss and wearing large smiles and pretty sundresses. There were dozens of rides set and lit up, intending to attract the attention of several townsfolk with their bright red and blue flashes and loud carnival-type music.

Amongst these few rides, there was an army of stalls weaving in and out of crowds of people, offering and selling homemade tasty snacks and cool drinks to eager children and adults.

"Wow." Mc breathed, climbing off the carrier in a trance state. I followed her actions, climbing off the bike's seat with a small smile on my face. I was glad that I managed to evoke a reaction from her. I dumped the bicycle against a small tree nearby, ditching it completely. We won't need that anymore. I faced Mc, licking my lips unnoticeably.

"Wanna go on a couple of rides?" I asked with a corner of my mouth tugged upwards in a little knowing smirk.

"Yeah!" Mc whisper shout with her hands clenching into fists excitedly as she was looking around with her big eyes. I smiled, leading the way happily whilst listening in on Mc gasping at everything we walked by.

It seems to be working. I stopped amid bustling townspeople and looked over at a wide-eyed Mc with a smirk still firmly placed on my face.

"What ride do you wanna go on?"

Mc looked at me at the sound of my voice and visibly froze under my gaze. Her smile dropped quickly and soon was replaced with a thin line. My smirk faltered when she looked away.

"Oh. I don't care." Mc muttered hastily, shoving her fisted hands into the front pouch-like pocket of her hoodie. I sighed internally, looking away and studying the array of rides set out before our eyes. I tried to not feel defeated, but soon enough I spotted a striped red stall nearby. One that proffered oversized plushies if you managed to knock a tin can pyramid with three balls. Three balls equal three tries.

"How about that one? Wanna get a plushie?" I questioned, pointing out the stall to Mc. She nodded and we both made our way to the stall, silently despite being immersed in a throng of loud cheers and screams belonging to excited townspeople. Who was eating, playing, running, riding rides, and laughing loudly with their friends. These people were the complete opposites of the rather awkwardly silent us.

"How much is it to pay?" I asked as soon as we reached the stall. The stall owner, dragged a wet lollipop from his lips and grinned at me before answering.

"5 euros."

I handed the demanded amount of money and motioned for Mc to have a go, stepping to the side and watching Mc timidly grappling for the ball set on the stall's counter and picking it up. Her brows furrow in concentration, she lift the ball high in the air, the tip of her tongue poked out from her mouth when she flung the ball as hard as she could toward the stacked tower.

The force Mc had used to fling the ball was way too strong. She ended up flinging the ball right over the tower, making it hit with a loud thwack against the thin wall of the stall. The man chuckled throatily.

"No worries beautiful, you still got two tries!" He beamed, pulling out a saliva-coated lollipop from his mouth. Mc rolled her eyes, readying herself for another throw.

"Mc, try to throw it low, and swing your arms forwards with less force." I offered, trying not to laugh at her expression. Reluctantly Mc followed my instructions and threw the ball whilst biting her lower lip. The ball just missed the tower making her groan out loud.

"Last try now. Don't fail!" The man reminded unhelpfully. I disregard the stall owner.

"Come on, Mc. You were close." I murmured, pushing my body off the stall's counter to get a better view. Mc applied my instructions again and aimed for the bottom of the tower. It hit the center bottom which should've to allowed the tower to topple forward. Mc turned to me, squealing with joy and jumping up and down on the spot.

"I won! I really won!" She smiled widely looking at me excited over her win. I immediately reciprocated the big smile when I caught her looking at me, feeling glad she was smiling again.

"Better luck next time, beautiful. It was so close." The man sympathized, smiling wryly, picking up the three balls Mc had flung. Mc looked over at the man, smiling confusedly.

"You didn't get them to fall." The man shrugged with a knowing smile plastered on his face.

"But I did." Mc protested, looking over to see the collapsed tower. Only the tower wasn't collapsed, not one can have fallen. "But-" Frowning, she picked up the ball and flung it at the same spot, successfully hitting it in the same spot. Her jaw dropped open when the tower didn't budge at all. As if it'd been glued down together.

I on the other hand, soon realized what was going on after years of experience. Gritting my teeth together and turning toward the stall owner who was looking at Mc, with his gross lollipop twirling around his fingers.

"Hey." I cleared my throat loudly, placing  a gun discreetly in front of him on the counter. The man leaned against the counter, flickering his gaze downwards at the object. Nearly swallowing his lollipop whole, choking himself on the candy. I tilted my head forward slightly whilst maintaining eye contact with the suddenly fearful stall owner.

"Alright, listen up you litle bitch. Give her the damn bear plushie she won it fairly. I'm not standing for this rigged bullshit." I hissed narrowing my eyes at him. "So if you don't want me firing a bullet into your forehead, make her smile by giving her the motherfucking plushie."

The stall owner gulped hard and nodded, hurriedly moving to grab one of the plastic wrapped plushies hanging overhead. His lollipop was threatening to fall from his glistening lips. Mc, noticing the man's actions, stopped playing and blinked at me and the man, completely lost.

The man with a frozen smile on his face, forcefully handed the plushie to Mc who took it with big eyes, surprised at the gesture.

"Wha-"

"Please take it! You won it fairly!" The man smiled falsely, looking at me uneasily. Mc looked down at the big plushie in her arms before smiling widely. Her sore eyes formed into happy crescents.

"Thanks!" She grinned, tightening her grip around the plushie. Tue stall owner, looking very pasty, nodded jerkingly and looked over at me. Mc did the same, smiling hard at me and waving the plushie to show me her prize. I quickly shoved my gun behind my back and fixed a light smile on my features.

"Yeah thanks, man. Bye." I grinned, walking past the nervous stall owner, motioning for Mc to walk along with me.

We went on a few rides and then there were a bunch of vending machines that I spent a good twenty minutes wasting my money and making an unimpressed Mc sit on a bench, idly slurping the last dregs of his fizzy drink. And now, well...

"What's next?" I asked casually, side-eying Mc. There was a large inflatable slide, acting as a massive centerpiece. But there were already several people lined up at the side, holding a variety of inflatable rings and mats which'll soon be used to slide down with. Mc's eyes widen at the sight and an excited gasp left her parted lips when she watched people slide down the slide all at once.

"Guess it's this then." I mused, watching Mc's reaction. We walked ahead and lined up in the queue, waiting for the people to hand in the inflatables so we could have our turn. I stood out of the line and shook my head when someone handed me the inflatable. Instead, I motioned for the person to hand it to Mc. She frowned at me, taking the inflatable ring, and looking at me questioningly. I rifled around for my cigarette box and lighter.

"There's no way I'm going up there," I muttered. "I'm afraid of heights, and going up there will just worsen it for me." I said bluntly, taking out the items needed to smoke.

"Really?" Mc asked, surprised. It was probably the first proper word Mc's said all day to me, and I can't help but offer up a weak smile as I nodded. Taking a cigarette out of my cigarette box and packing the rest away into my jacket pocket as Mc was staring at me.

"There's no way I'm going up there," I murmured again, placing the cigarette between my lips and lighting the stick up with the lighter. Mc turned away chuckling. Is she laughing? I peered around a little to see Mc laughing quietly behind the hood of her hoodie, using it to conceal herself.

I coughed up the smoke I'd accidentally held in way too long and turned away, sputtering like crazy. I felt Mc reaching out to pat me on the back in an attempt to help me. But it didn't help.

"You shouldn't smoke," Mc mumbled when I recovered myself. Ignoring her I brought the cigarette to my lips once again, breathing in the smoke whilst turning away from Mc. Reddening slightly because, I just embarrassed myself in front of the many people queuing up, and becaude Mc had looked so damn cute, hiding her tiny bout of laughter behind that oversized hood of her jumper.

"Next!" The owner of the ride suddenly called out, causing the queue to shuffle forward. Mc make it in with the next round of people and waved at me. I watched on as I was smoking waiting for Mc to climb onto the slide and seat herself at the ledge at the top. Mc was sitting in the middle, a wide smile on display as she was waving her plushie in the air. I couldn't help but smile back and raise my hand a little to wave back.

"3, 2, 1! Go!" A man called over a loudspeaker, initiating a flurry of people to go down the slide, squealing as they hurtle down to the safety mats arranged below.

I laughed at the way Mc clung to both the inflatable ring with her hands and her legs wrapped around plushie to not drop it as she was sliding down, mouth opening wide as peals of loud laughter escaped. When she finally reached down to the mats placed on the ground, she climbed to her feet hurriedly and ran back to the queue without saying anything to me apart of.

"Again! Again!" She smiled, running back. I shook my head at the sight but let a grinning Mc line up again.

She's happy. I exhaled the smoke from my lips in a small huff. It's better to see her like this than how she was like last night.

After two more go's, Mc and I wandered around the amusement park in comfortable silence, slurping down brightly colored icy slushies that I had bought when I caught Mc eyeing it at one particular stall. I was about to pop the question of leaving the park to carry on when Mc suddenly burst out that she needed to pee.

"There should be portable toilets somewhere," I murmured, looking around. A second later, Mc spotted a row of them. A good few meters away, hidden behind a red glittery stall named

'The kiss booth'

Mc immediately pushed her slushie and plushie into my arms and bounded in the direction of the toilets without a word to me.

Before I could see where Mc had ran off to over the mess of her plushie and slushie shoved onto me, Mc had disappeared to god knows where. She was nowhere in sight. I panicked, looking around frantically for the toilets or Mc but I couldn't find her with the dozens of townspeople surrounding me, trapping me in place.

Fuck. Fuck. I'm so fucked right now.

I groaned loudly, barging in the direction I hoped was the one Mc went in with a half-metre-long plushie and two cups of slushie in my hands.

.

Mc focus.

.

A couple of minutes later, I emerged from the portable toilet seat, wiping my hands down with a lemon-scented wipe.

"Excuse me?" Someone walked right in front of my pathway, abruptly blocking me off. I looked up from my hands and wipe, worried as to why this person decided to stop right in front of me.

"I need to, sorry if this offends you or annoys you, but could you pull down your hoodie? I need to confirm something." The guy asked, bending down a little to try and see my face better but my hoodie persistently blocked half my face off.

Oh- no. He recognized me! He knows I'm the missing girl from the news channel.

Fuck, where's Jake...But maybe I am panicking for no reason. Not everyone watches the news right? I was hesitant for a few seconds but then with shaky hands, I reached up to push my hoodie off my head. I waited for this dude to hasp out 'I knew you were the girl from the channels!' But instead.

"I knew it! I knew you're good-looking!" Whilst excitedly taking my hand in his, he tugged me along somewhere.

I was slightly alarmed, stutteringly following after the guy who led me to wooden steps leading up to a tiny makeshift stage. The guy with a grin pushed me up those steps and patted my back.

"Do me a favor and go sit in that empty chair, please? I need someone to fill that seat while I go pee otherwise my I will pee my pants. Please!" He begged with smile straining.

"Uh-"

"Great! Thank you so so much you're a lifesaver! I'll be right back in two minutes!"

"Hey yo-" Before I could call after the boy and ask him about what the hell he was talking about, an overwhelmingly pretty girl patted me on the shoulder.

"Are you our temporary replacement?" She urged and before I could open my mouth, the girl was already tugging me by the hoodie to the empty desk the guy had pointed out earlier.

"I suppose? What do I have to do?"

"The customers were getting antsy. Please sit here! I'll give you a couple of seconds to ready yourself before we start." With that, the girl left, leaving me confused.

I looked down at the two-seater desk I was seated at. It was covered in red crepe material paper. I picked up the laminated sheet and read it.

"The kissing booth - Color type

White Peck - on cheek/forehead.

Pink peck - on lips.

Red - kiss.

Maroon - French kiss."

I widened my eyes, looking around to see myself on a miniature wooden stage along with four other people who sit in the same condition as me on chairs accompanied by desks. I turned around to see half a motherfucking town lined up to participate in this 'kiss booth' scheme which seemed to have been thrust upon me.

People ranging from freakishly young to creepy old folks who had wide smiles on their faces. From people who were shy and jittery to people who were smirking cockily at their friends, spritzing mint spray in their mouths, are lined up. I spotted a lot of maroon-colored tickets being handed out to townsfolk who pay a surprisingly heavy amount for tongue action. I feel sick.

I am gonna have to kiss some old guys or some irritating fuckboys? Fucking hell, I don't wanna kiss someone random.

You have time to run and they won't even notic-

"The kissing booth is now open! Let's kiss!" A person beamed, speaking through a loudspeaker to attract the people's attention. the people cheered in response.

The first four customers walked on to the stage. A gang of boys with gelled hair and branded tracksuits clung to their weedy frames walked up to the stage. I'm not going smack my lips with some kid's chapped lips. I stood from my chair just when one of the boys, the boy that was assigned to my desk, spat out swear words.

"Hey, you motherfucking cunt, it's my turn! Fuck off jiggly balls, she's mine!" The boy grunted, roughly pushing the man holding a plushie and two slushies in his hands. My mind went blank for a second, I tried to see the man, my savior's face behind the plushie.

"Don't you have preschool lessons to go to today, you little fucker?" The man gritted out threateningly as he wrestled with the young boy. The young boy cussed at the plushie guy but the guy ignored him, walking straight toward my desk. Uncertain about the man's identity, I shrunk back in my seat, my throat tightened as the man harshly dumped the plushie to the side of the table and-

"J-JD?"

"Mc, what the fuck are you doing at a bloody kiss booth? You tell me you're going to the toilet but I see you at a motherfucking kiss booth-"

"First you steal my place and now you're stealing my time! Back the fuck off!" The bratty kid yelled but Jake ignored him.

"-Ready to kiss some fetus."

"What? Do you think I really wanna kiss some random kid?" I retorted, narrowing my eyes at him. The fuck he is on about.

"Kiss and leave loser!" The kid yelled but this time I ignored him.

"Someone made me fill in their spot while they went to the toilet," I explained, with cheeks getting red from anger. "I didn't realize he was making me join the kiss booth until now." I hissed, sitting up in his chair. "I thought he wanted me to look after some fucking brownies not the fucking kiss booth."

"Come on kiss already! My mom is coming this way!"

"Fi-" Jake started but got cut off by that annoying bratty kid.

"You stupid dick! If you ain't gonna do it, let me!"

Jake's eye twitched.

"Fine, fine whatever. That's all fine but I couldn't find you. Let me know before running off okay? I have spent five minutes walking around looking for you." Jake bitterly remarked whilst glaring over his shoulder at the angry kid.

"It was only five minutes." I raised unimpressed eyebrows at him. I know you were worried about me, Jake. I can read you like an open book right now.

"Five minutes in which I could've bought candy floss but- "

"You're so annoying, don't make me come over there you fuckhead!"

"I-"

"I'll beat you up loser!" Jake clenched his jaw hard.

"We should probably just leave. The guy should come back soon enough."

"What guy?" Jake asked, trying to not gather plushie in his arms and fling it at the whining shit behind him.

"The guy who asked me to fill this place-"

"If you don't motherfucking kiss already I will drag you down!"

Jake was looking like he was ready to pull his gun out on the kid but he stopped himself. His hand clenched into fists when the kid continued.

"Tell them to hurry up I wanna get my kiss too!"

"Oh, for fucks sake. Come here." Jake gritted out and with a rough tug at my collar, Jake brought his face closer to a stunned me before pressing our lips together.

I stayed stock still, too shocked to move away. I was sitting there on the seat with my body rigid.

What.

I am being kissed by Jake.

Oh my fucking god!

Push him away, Mc! What the fuc-

But my body seemed to ignore my brain's wishes. I closed my eyes and carefully parted my lips, relaxing into his kiss.

This is so so wrong. But I liked it too much to stop it.

.

Jake focus.

.

I'm not supposed to be doing this. Oh my god, what am I doing? Ths is so messed up.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Despite my thoughts, I delved deeper into the kiss which started as a firm press and changed into a softer, deeper kiss. A change was done by me. What the fuck I am doing? But fuck godamn, Mc's lips are the softest I've ever experienced, and no matter what my brain tells me. I can't pull away.

"Fucking finally. It wasn't that hard you loser!" The shit kid yelled again, catching our attention and causing me abruptly pull away from Mc. The shit boy's irritating voice acted as a bucket of ice-cold water, shocking me awake from my and Mc's little moment.

We broke away but our heads were tilted with our foreheads resting against each other. We were breathing heavily, it was only a ten-second kiss. A ten-second kiss rendered me and her breathless somehow, our chests were heaving, and lips parting slowly.

I stared into her eyes with an unreadable expression. She was staring into my blue eyes with an unreadable expression as well.

"Oh my god." She gasped suddenly, pushing herself back in her chair and slapping both palms over her mouth. I am myself was shocked at my own actions. I wanted to slap my hands over my mouth as well and run away as far away from Mc because just looking at her lips makes me wanna- I saved myself by playing it off casually, putting on a cool calm facade in front of freaking out Mc.

"Well, that's two things crossed off the bucket list. Even if I wasn't the person you wanted to kiss." I muttered nonchalantly, wiping my lips with the back of my shaky hand. I stood up and quietly cleared my throat before reaching out to grab the plushie. I looked over my shoulder, raising an eyebrow at Mc who refused to move a muscle.

"Well, are you gonna move, or do you wanna have another round with that whiny shit? I saw he requested french kissing." I addee, smiling humourlessly.

Mc held her breath, slowly rising from her chair. She gulped several times. Timidly following after me.

~

Now, Mc was curled up against the train window, her knees were drawn to her chest in a protective stance and her red face was buried low in her hoodie, hiding away from the public.

I was sitting two seats down from her, my body was hunched forward and stiff. I hadn't moved from this position in at least ten minutes. I turned my face away face. The tips of my ears were a prominent shade of red.

On the half-full train, people chattered about random things. Mc and I hadn't exchanged glances or words with each other. We both were blushing and shocked or freaking out too much to look at each other.

Jake, what the fuck did you just do?

Why? Why you kissed her? To get that kid to shut up? No, that's not it and you know it. So then why did you kiss her?

I didn't think straight. That kid was yelling at me, Mc's face was exposed to the whole town and the previous stress of trying to find Mc made me do it. Yeah. all that and maybe because just wanted to do it. I wanted to do it for a long time.

I changed my posture, straightening up and leaning against my chair with my back cracking in protest. I rested my head against the seat's headrest and stared up at the faded red light fixtured of the train.

Mc's lips were surprisingly soft. They were not tacky with glossy lipstick, and they were not chapped and bleeding. I coughed loudly. What the hell? You're out here daydreaming about her lips for fucks sake when you're meant to be finding ways to get her to a safe place. Away from Richy. But her lips were so damn soft and plump.

I tilted my head to the right to look over at Mc's huddled figure. I watched her lift a shy sweater paw to her lips, prodding her lower lip with her index finger thoughtfully. Mc's cheeks bloomed red soon afterward.

She's cute as fuck. Damn.

I hastily tilted my head back to stare up at the light fixtures, gulping hard. I dropped my gaze from the ceiling and stared at the window.

I think- I fall in love with her harder each time she flashes me a smile.

.

Mc focus.

.

Oh my god.

I subconsciously lift a hand to my lips, touching my ower lip with a finger. Did I just had first kiss with Jake like that? Just like that we kissed infront of the people?

I hurriedly dropped my hand from my lips when he caught the sight of my reflection in the train's window and realized how weird I look. But wow. I remember his lips firmly pressed against  mine and it felt so good...So damm percent. I felt my cheeks glow hard.

My breath got caught in my throat when I remembered the texts I'd texted him. The thing about our kiss and how the world would disappear around us. And goddamn it disappeared. It was just me and him.

I knew that I won't experience this type of feeling again when Jake decide to tell me the truth. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore but I don't care. I wanna hold on to this feeling for as long as possible. The feeling of having him around, the feeling of his touch, the feeling of his caring side. The feeling of-

"Excuse me, but could you move your plushie? It's yours right?" A girl questioned, pointing a manicured finger in plushies direction. I nodded, mumbling a quiet sorry before pulling the plushie onto my lap, a little fazed.

Once the girl sat down, my mind wandered off again. Wandered right back to the kiss booth where I was sitting in front of Jake, letting the kiss take the breath away from my lungs. Immediately the image sank in and I found myself pushing my face against my plushie, muffling a squeal in the object. The girl glanced at me concerned, but I didn't care.

It was really nice. I smiled widely looking at the distance. Kissing Jake was really nice. Blushing, I wrapped my arms around the plushie's stomach, hugging the toy hard as I was looking out of the window at the fleeting scenery outside. Just when I thought I couldn't fall harder for Jake, I fell harder.

.

Jake focus.

.

Five minutes later, my phone vibrated against my thigh, startling me out of my dizzying array of thoughts. Sighing I lifted my phone up and without bothering to look at the notification displayed on the screen, I swiped my thumb across the glass, unlocking it before waiting for the messages to load.

My face broke out into an immediate grin as I read the message. It was automated messages sent in coarse slang and accompanied by an excessive amount of emojis because they were used to throw off the police.

U: 18+ !6!6!9

U: mEgA rAcE tAkiNg plAcE. BroOm bitches$$$

U: ITs goNnA bE BiG moTheRfUckeRs.

U: nO.1 rA$er "S" iS attending.

U: sO cOmE hErE bABY tO yOur favOriTe ra$er.

U: Do not reply to this message.

I beamed at the messages, smiling particularly hard at a specific name embedded in the text. "S"

Can't wait to meet you again.

.

Richy focus.

.

Ikari squealed excitedly, clapping her hands as she studied herself in the full-length mirror.

"I think this is the one, it suits my body type perfectly, right?" She smirked, looking over her shoulder at me sitting on the black couch. She quirked an eyebrow at me, waiting for the answer. But I didn't care about the way she looked. I was just too relaxed sitting there on the couch, smoking the last of my cigarette whilst staring dully into the distance. Where is she?

She pouted at me, making her way toward me and hopping on my lap with her hands wrapped around my neck.

"I didn't move on from Jake just for you to stare blankly in the distance when I'm talking to you." Ikari muttered, bending down to become level with my face. I looked up at her with my eyes lidded with boredom.

"I was thinking about something. I'm much better than Jake." I retorted, unimpressed. "Put some damn clothes on, Ikari. Not in the mood to play right now."

"Oh? You should think only about me." She giggled, pulling away and standing tall over me. I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. "And." She added, smiling pulling her dress off, letting it reveal her new lingerie. Transparent black playboy lingerie that was proudly on her body.

"You love me in lingerie, especially black lingerie, Richy or should we play roleplay where I call you the man without a face hm?" She tilted her head coyly, red hair falling to the side with some strands effortlessly brushing across her face. Her red lips formed into a smirk when she noticed my reaction.

I reached out and grabbed her waist, tugging her hard making Ikari stumble forward onto my lap again. Her little smirk got bigger but dear she doesn't know I'm only using her for now. Once I will find Mc everything will be over.

"Call me the man without a face. It turns me on." I warned running my hands up her smooth thighs. Ikari just simply laughed, a light tinkled in her eyes. "I will show you how good I can be. Better than the nerdy loser who was all over you."

"Whatever you say, Richy-" Ikari was abruptly cut off by the sound of my mobile vibrating against the leather of the couch. Before I could reach over for my mobile phone, Ikari snatched it up quickly, reading the notification with a curious look in her eyes. I stifled my annoyance at the action and instead focused on her thighs, rubbing and squeezing them slowly.

"Oh, There's another race taking place." Ikari read the texts as I was tugging at her lingerie lazily. "Are you going to go?" She asked, looking up at me with her pretty hazel eyes.

"Yeah, I guess," I murmured, finally having enough of my cigarette I stubbed the thin stick against the couch's leather armchair. Mc was supposed to stay with her friends but I guess Jake got involved in it. I will fuck him up. Just because he's not so nerdy anymore it doesn't mean he can win the fight.

"Now shut the fuck up and deal with what you started," I answered with the corner of my mouth pulled upwards, yanking my phone out of her grip and pushing the device aside. Ikari obliged, grinning as she rocked her hips against me.

"If you're going, I'm coming along. I'm sure Jake is gonna be there to cheer for that annoying racer. What was his name? Sam? Whatever, I wanna see how he's getting along without me." She muttered, smirking slowly. "I bet he's in shit condition, he couldn't live without me for more than a second so I wonder how he is now. Probably alone, crying about me." She commented dryly whilst running her hands over my torso.

"Yeah, can we not talk about him when I'm trying to fuck you?" I murmured, snaking my palms under her lingerie with great intent to touch her warm skin.

"Of course, my bad baby." She chuckled, slipping her dress off of her shoulders, letting the thin dress easily fall to the floor.

[masakousuke]

Fanfiction Prompts #6, 27, 79!

Thank you for sending in the ask!!! I like the questions you picked eheheh c: Gives me a chance to talk a little ^^

6. What’s the last line you wrote?

"It wasn't long before the cold finally got to him and the naivety of his t-shirt, and forced him back inside and under the sheets of his freshly made bed."

This one is from the July fic I've just started writing. The theme is Stars and uh the working title is a reference to Dante's Inferno. I know.

I'm struggling a little on this for multiple reasons, but, hey, my beta reader seems to like this first bit I've written, so that's something ^^

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

Mhhh, that's a tough question in the sense that it can be interpreted in multiple ways. So I will respond in every way I can think of >:)

It's hard to say anything without sounding conceited or full of oneself, probably, so let it be known that I'm not trying to say I'm a master in any of these areas.

In terms of styles, I believe that what I'm best at are one-shots of about 10-30k. Chaptered stories naturally come harder to me, since they require actual planning. I believe it worked out well enough when I tried with "As in spring on stems the petals", but it was a month long effort and it was, at times, very frustrating. I write as I write, I'd say, I make no stylistic effort in the prose outside of setting a theme for myself and, at times, attempting to reflect certain specific types of storytelling (there was the case of the fairytale with "The Lucky Man" and one I have planned that would read like a script for a play) so I'd say that I'm a prose person. Long and thick prose. Long sentences and an abundance of descriptors. That's what I like to write.

Genre wise, it's very easy. Character studies. I feel like all that I ever write are character studies with extra steps. So that and romance, of course.

In terms of parts of the prose itself, I want to say I'm decently good at dialogue and character interactions, since I overthink so much in my daily life that I just have a library of exact feelings and situations that kinda feel natural and pleasing to write. I think I'm good at that, making characters more human than they are characters, since that is what they are to me. I like to give them worries that go beyond the scope of the story while still tying into the themes and make them speak like human beings who live their lives like their actions and words have consequences. Everyone has more than just "things they would and wouldn't do", they also have "ways they'd do and say things" and, sometimes, that is what one should consider first and foremost. A good example of writing that makes me want to die, actually, is the: "You look like you want me to fuck you," scene in hmh.

That's another thing. I'm good at reinventing ways to quote that thing to poke fun at it.

I think maybe I'm good at writing Kousuke and character povs in a way that feels organic in general. I'm working on making a good unreliable narrator out of everyone!!!

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

That's an interesting one, because writing is something that kinda comes naturally to me? Not to say that I am a natural at it, just that I write as I would speak if I were properly eloquent and that I have no particular method outside of writing what sounds good to me, both meaning and sound wise. Of course I have some ideas as to what makes good writing and how I approach things, so I'll talk about that a bit.

I think writing is essentially very simple, when one isn't trying to make it into a more abstract art form, but rather using it as a means of communication. We're writing fanfiction and, yes, it can be incredibly elaborate in its own right and I've seen people craft stories that were incredible both in content and in form, but, at its core, you will be telling a story. You can relax and just write.

Writing as it comes can be better than trying to sound good, so that is something to consider. Scavenging for words you'd never use only makes sense at times, and is entirely not worth it and overall counterproductive in every other case, I feel. I personally like words a lot, I like thinking in terms of sound, I like considering the subtle differences in meaning between one word and its synonym, but that is essentially a matter of personal taste and I never spend that much time racking my brain for words. I just kind of write as I'd speak, yes. I'm just a linguist, in that sense.

Oh and it doesn't matter if English isn't your first language and stuff like that. Most native speakers butcher their own language like nobody else ever could. A special fuck you to the person who treated me like I was lesser for that at some point without even reading anything of mine.

Write what you think, write what you feel, write what you know. Your brain is more of a resource than you think. Use the internet to fact check, use it to do research, yes, but ultimately relate everything back to that which you understand. What you have to tell, in that way, will always be worth reading, because it will be true and felt on some level.

Rapidfire round.

Purposeful repetition is good.

Grammar only matters to make things comprehensible, fuck people who say you can't start sentences with "and" and "but".

Spacing stuff is nice, but if your fic looks like single stray lines on a piece of paper I will kill myself before I can say I've enjoyed reading it.

Long sentences are okay. People are supposed to be reading the words to understand them anyways. People skimming isn't the author's fault, it's theirs.

Inspiration doesn't exist. Just write. Of course there are good times and bad times (ex. Your dog died: you do not write, my brother in Christ, not unless it helps you get through it), but there is no inspiration you can wait for. Just write if you want to. Don't if you don't.

Writing doesn't have to be fun. Any reason to write is good enough.

Don't rework your stuff into oblivion. Sometimes the first is good enough.

Write as only you would because other writers are doing that. Emulation can only bring you dissatisfaction in the face of what you've written not being "yours".

Watch movies. Read books. Read manga, watch anime, look at people in your local grocery shop, talk to human beings, feel things for yourself. Write what you know is only a limit if you don't make it your purpose to know what you write (aka the world around you).

For dialogue: how do you talk to a stranger? Awkwardly? Write that. How do you talk to your friends? Without any proper grammar? Write that.

Making characters bond and showing the chemistry is better than saying they are attracted to one another.

Write what you want to see written, even if it's just for yourself. Someone just might think it as important.

Don't overwork yourself. You're a hobbyist. Stop treating everything like it's the sole purpose in your life (looking straight at myself on this one).

Longer isn't better (stop competing with your own WCs Ulri).

Don't overplan, not if it turns out to be restrictive. Just write.

Write anything and everything on a blank page. Starting can be easy if you just let yourself.

If it doesn't come straight away, try and then come back to it later.

Ultimately, you are in control of what you write. Whether it's good or bad, if you made it and saw it through to the end, that's an achievement.

Okay. I'm done, I think.

[forlorn-crows]

hey! i'm really not a writer but i have to take a class on it next year and i'm really scared by it, so i'm trying to get opinions and whatnot from people who do write. (that's why you might see this ask in a lot of authors' inboxes heh) i'm wondering if there's anything that helps you get in the mood to write, if there's anything that causes/makes worse a writer's block, if you find it easier to write when given a prompt or if you prefer to make things up completely, if you prefer writing a story or more of an essay, how long does it take you to finish something and how do you know it's finished? and i know a lot of these could be answered with "it depends" but please avoid saying that if you can! thank you for helping me!

there's two perspectives i have here: one is writing in the context of college courses, and two is writing for pleasure.

when i wrote essays in college, i would always need a quiet place to go, or a place where conversations wouldn't be distracting. the 3rd floor of the library. a study cubby. starbucks at 4pm. but i would ALWAYS have instrumental music in my headphones. lofi. writing music playlists on youtube. classical. whatever made me feel 'scholarly' and didn't have words. that was my go to. and i think doing that same routine, getting my little drinks and always AFTER i had eaten was key to at least having some semblance of motivation to get my shit done. cause i had to write a LOT. all the time. different lengths of things too; 500 words to full length papers.

with school, the motivation was "i have to get it done by x date". and im a perfectionist, so it took me a looooong time to write the hard stuff. especially since i had to research as well. loooong time to gather sources before i actually did any writing, loooong time sorting and culling those sources, looooong time stringing them together to make them 'perfect'. i self inflict a lot of struggle, but thats how my brain functions to get the outcomes i did (and the grades I did).

I did do some creative writing in college, mostly poetry. for that, there were certainly deadlines motivating me, but the projects got my creative side flowing a bit more. often times, i would have to stop to jot something down while i was going about my day, because i knew i would forget it later. but, a lot of the same things can be said about my college creative writing; i slaved over the things until they were perfect, until they finally looked 'right' to me. and that takes a lot of time, personally. i hated procrastinating but sometimes you really do write better under pressure.

in school, i needed clear cut prompts/requirements for my long form work. i couldn't function without them, because i always outlined like crazy. it helped organize and cull my crazy thoughts.

now, with personal writing (which i 99% fanfiction currently), it can be hit or miss. sometimes, i need someone else's ideas to get me going. other times, im plagued by horny visions during work and i have to jot them down in my phone until i can write them out later. and sometimes i lose motivation by then, which sucks.

sometimes, it takes me a long time to finish stories. whether that be due to length, or simply because i took my time writing it little by little. I can crank out a full length fic in 2 days if im really feeling it, or it make take an entire week to write 1k words. it just depends on how into writing and into the idea i am.

lately, i have to go with whatever sparks my interest in order to write. i find its no fun to try and force yourself to write for pleasure, bc it just becomes a chore then. writing as a hobby is supposed to be fun, it is not supposed to consume you (wise words that crow does not follow a lot of times).

my advice for school is to keep track of your deadlines. start earlier than you need to for big projects, especially if you have an idea you really want to role with. dont be afraid to brainstorm with your teachers, they're your resource for stuff like that. they can help steer you in the right direction if you're stuck. carve out time to write and double down on it. take breaks when you need to, of course, but try to stay on task whenever possible.

my advice for personal writing is DO NOT FORCE IT. if you get inspired by something, and feel the need to write, and you can write at that moment, do it. those words will come like no other. second best thing is to write it down to visit later. i also think its important to remember you do not have to write every idea you ever think of, even if its a really good idea! its okay to have ideas that you dont do anything with.

overall advice, dont feel like you have to edit as you go. if you're unsure of your skills as a writer, just get down the ideas onto paper. thats the first step. write it how you might tell a story to a friend. all the fancy word choice and formatting can be done later. and know that you dont have to be the most seasoned writer to be a good writer. skills take time to develop. and the class may be boring at times. but its to help you learn, so dont fret! its okay to be scared at first.

let me know if you have any other questions, i have a lot under my belt, believe me!

[pagetwo]

New York City: Feb. 14- Feb. 19

Friday, March 10, 2023

From February 14th-19th, I had the opportunity to go on a university class trip to New York City to meet with professionals in the Art History field and to explore the rich art scene of the city. This is the second trip of this sort that I have gone on with my school, but this trip was special because of the emphasis on meeting with art museum professionals- the field which I will be entering after graduation. During the week I was in the city, I visited the New York Public Library, the Morgan Library, MoMA, the MET, the Brooklyn Museum, and the Rubin Museum. We met with so many amazing professionals, including the chief curator of the Egyptian exhibit at the MET and one of the Egyptian artifact conservators who works at the MET as well. 

On my first night in NYC, a couple of classmates and I explored the city in search of Anish Kapoor’s mini-bean under the jenga building. Visiting this newest iteration of Cloud Gate was a great way to start our art history trip- seeing this new piece of history that had recently been installed in the Big Apple. Visiting such an iconic piece of art, regardless of how one feels about Kapoor, was a grand way to kick off the trip!

On the 15th, after visiting some of the photo archives at the NYPL, our class attended a guided tour of the Morgan Library. We got to have such a surreal, humanizing, and unique experience during the tour when the docent pulled out a 5000 year old cylinder seal from ancient Mesopotamia and let us each hold it. My passion for art history was sparked when I first learned about ancient visual culture, so being able to hold this piece of history was a full-circle moment for me and my peers. It brought to life what we often can only view in photos or behind glass. 

At the Morgan Library, we toured the exhibit “She Who Wrote: Enheduanna and Women of Mesopotamia, ca 3400-2000 BC.” It was all about the women of ancient Mesopotamia and how womanhood was understood during those times. We learned so many beautiful things about women deities who were bringers and takers of life, or wagers and enders of wars. A piece that really stood out to me was the costume for a Mesopotamian queen. The beading was gorgeous, featuring lapis lazuli- indicating the reliable trade the Mesopotamians would have had in what is considered modern-day Afghanistan. I noted that her headdress must have been an inspiration for Queen Amidala’s styling in the Star Wars franchise, calling back to the powerful women of our ancient civilizations. 

After visiting the Morgan Library, we went to the MoMA. This being my second time at the museum in the last 10 months, I was comfortable visiting the pieces I missed the most- one of which being Matisse’s Dance. This painting always stuns me due to the grand scale of it and the use of vast fields of cool toned colors- green and blue. 

On the 16th we spent the entire day at the MET. This was my second time at the MET as well, so I spent a majority of my time catching up where I left off last year- finally entering the wing of the Greek and Roman galleries where the cubiculi and mosaics are housed. The Chroma exhibit throughout the galleries was stunning to put it lightly! Classical sculpture is where my heart lies and finally I was seeing what the people I admire so much were seeing when these sculptures were at their prime. The Boxer sculpture has always been one of my favorites, so seeing it in such surreal detail was overwhelming and unforgettable. The Chroma exhibit had me imagining what my life would be like if I worked in the MET and got to study sculptures and look for remnants of pigment on them. It is groundbreaking research and I have such immense respect and appreciation for the brilliant art historians and scientists who are doing geeks like me this service.

Some things that were stunning and gripped me in tears for an hour were a mosaic of a woman in a wreath, coins depicting Trajan, and the vibrant cubiculi that I did not have a chance to visit last year. These are what it is all about for me. These are what my discipline mean to me! Seeing the mosaic mere inches from my face, as opposed to from around a roped-off corner as I did last year, allowed me to see all of the individual tesserae and imagine how it would have looked inside of a Roman villa. The coins with Trajan on them made me incredibly emotional, as I am somebody who studies Roman emperors. These were undeniable visual evidence that these subjects I devote so much of my studies to were real people! Real people who had real impacts on the world and who I only wish I could have met. The star of the show for me though were the cubiculi. I had been dying to finally enter one ever since I first studied Roman villas, particularly Pompeiian villas. As I stood inside of the cubiculum pictured, I took my time admiring all of the gorgeous frescoes. Frescoes I had only seen in textbooks and on powerpoint slides. There they were, right in front of my face. All the room needed was the proper furniture and I would have been exactly where my heart longs to be.

Lastly, on Friday the 17th, we visited the Brooklyn Museum as a class and later some of us visited the Rubin for a free guided experiential tour and DJ event. At the Brooklyn Museum, we got a tour from one of their museum educators of the Thiery Mugler exhibit. My goal is to be a museum educator, and to make museums enjoyable and understandable for every visitor. Our tour guide did exactly that for us. Part of our tour included ten minutes for us to go around the exhibit with provided paper and pencils, to draw any of the costumes we were drawn to and to think about the material or how the costume must have felt. She provided us with an activity that I definitely would have done if I were in the same position. That activity engaged our intrinsic motivation, allowing us to connect with a piece of our choosing, but it also encouraged us to think critically about the pieces in the exhibit. How would they have felt? Who would wear them? Why am I connecting to it? She showed me exactly how effective and necessary museum educators are in order to engage all visitors and to break down barriers of intimidation in museum spaces. 

The Brooklyn Museum had a lounge area that I connected with during my individual expiration of the museum. Museum fatigue is real and can be a huge barrier to enjoyment for museum-goers. Not only was this room visually stunning, the ottomans were also art and welcomed visitors to be comfortable and relaxed. This is something that I am passionate about as I prepare for my future in museums. I know how important comfort is when people have so much going on in their days and lives. My respect for the Brooklyn Museum only went up that day, as I went down and laid on one of the ottomans. 

At the end of the night, at the Rubin museum, I attended a guided tour of the galleries. The Rubin is a museum of Himalayan art and visual culture. The gallery is meant to be experienced rather than viewed. We explored our senses as we explored the galleries, we meditated, we transformed our energy into something beautiful. The whole design of the museum and tour were a unique take to museums and welcomed visitors into Himalayan Buddhist culture and practice. I think that this is a museum that everybody should visit if they have the opportunity to do so. 

Overall, this trip did a lot to prepare and excite me mentally for my impending future. Soon I will be released into the world, no longer in school, no longer in a classroom. The professionals we met with during our trip provided a lot of insight into the many avenues and journeys one may endeavor to get to where they are going. My journey so far has had so many twists and turns, and it was comforting and affirming to hear their stories. I related to so many of them and I felt assured that at the end of the day, if I continue chasing my dream and my happiness, I will end up exactly where I belong. Being an art historian is so much more than being a student or being an academic. Art can be found anywhere: on the street, under buildings, in libraries, or in museums. Wherever there are people, there is art. Wherever there is art, there are art historians. Not everybody in the museum or art historical world comes from an art history background. The greatest thing I took away from this trip and the stories I heard at these various institutions is that achieving one's goals is all about accepting any and every opportunity for growth, as opposed to making some sort of five or ten-year plan and adhering strictly to it. I came out of the trip knowing that my path to being a museum educator is unclear but that I will get there as long as I continue chasing it.

[drgnavlnt]

EUReCA Grant Proposal

This is the full grant proposal for the CU Denver EUReCA Grant. I chose to do it for an art project, and wrote it throughout the Spring 2024 semester for Grant Writing class.

Grant Proposal for Art Installation Project

Narrative

Archival practices hold power. Choosing what material to preserve has a n important impact on what and who is remembered. Historically, this has tended to impact minorities disproportionately. According to a study conducted by 1000Memories, more photographs are taken every two minutes than what the whole of humanity took before the 20th century. Due to negative attitudes towards homosexuality and gender diversity that prevailed around the world during the 19th and early 20th centuries, little photographic material of historical queers exists. This is due, in part, to the difficulty of accessing photographic equipment for already marginalized people, but it also is due to archival practice. When little historical photographs of queer individuals exist, the harmful notion that homosexuality and gender nonconformity are modern concepts is perpetuated. My work looks to solve this problem by establishing a cohesive exhibition showing these often forgotten images.

When writing about queer memory, Ana Dragojlovic and CL Quinan mention that “ways of remembering and archiving are politically inflected and culturally specific, even as they are inevitably contested by structures of inequalities and power relations in which they are embedded.” (Dragojlovic & Quinan, 2023) . While queer memory is a prevalent topic in contemporary art, it has only been a recent shift in the way we archive queer history. Artists like Nan Goldin (Ruddy, 2009) and Zanele Muholi (Baderoon, 2011) have used their photographic work to document the lives of marginalized queers in an intimate and respectful way. Their work has been acclaimed for their efforts to remember the people who are most often forgotten, as well as for their skill in humanizing their subjects. However, these two artists have only worked at a personal scale, and all their work has been conducted in the latter half of the 20th century. This is evidence that things are changing, but there is a lot of work still to be done to restore queer history.

My project seeks to deal with this issue by taking some of these few surviving 19th and early 20th century photographs, as well as contemporary ones, and turning them into lithophanes. These are 3D printed artworks that turn a photograph into a raised relief where the details can only be clearly seen when looked at against a light source. This not only transfers the photographs, sourced from museums, archives and private collections, into a more durable medium, but the nature of the material also forces the viewers to consciously engage with the photographs by making them have to look at them from a very specific angle. The difficulty for the viewers to see the actual photographs will reflect the extensive history of bad archival practices, raising awareness about the problems that come with it. 

The impact of this project should be twofold. On one hand, as mentioned above, the exhibition itself will be set up in a way in which it is quite difficult for the viewers to see the artwork clearly. This will reflect the difficulty of finding and experiencing these images, raising awareness about archival practices. On the other hand, the project will look to directly engage with the lack of queer archival history by searching across museums, archives, libraries and private collections to hopefully find some photographs that only exist in paper, and then both digitize them and turn them into lithophanes. Due to the nature of this problem, I cannot give a concrete number of photographs that will be featured in the final exhibition, but I am aiming for a number around 50. On top of this, I want to contribute to bettering archival practices by making lithophanes out of my own collection of photographs that feature gender diverse individuals.

The process for this project encompasses three steps: research, prototyping, and exhibition. The research step consists of reaching out to museums, libraries, archives, private collections and any other leads to try to find as many pre-1940s photographs of homosexual and gender diverse individuals. The prototyping phase would be the longest, in which I would work with the Auraria Library to determine the thickness of the prints, the material used for them and the different settings of their 3D printers in order to have a more refined final product. This is also the step that will be the most impactful to my learning as I will be working with the Auraria Library to better my understanding of 3D printing techniques. Finally, the third stage would be to have this artwork exhibited in a public space. This would happen initially at RaCas, and would then hopefully later be accepted into a gallery exhibition in Denver.

Works Cited

Baderoon, Gabeba. “‘Gender within Gender’: Zanele Muholi’s Images of Trans Being and Becoming.” Feminist Studies 37, no. 2 (Summer 2011): 390–416. 

Dragojlovic, Ana, and CL Quinan. “Queering Memory: Toward Re-Membering Otherwise.” Memory Studies 16, no. 1 (February 2023): 3–11. 

Ruddy, Sarah. “‘A Radiant Eye Yearns from Me’: Figuring Documentary in the Photography of Nan Goldin.” Feminist Studies 35, no. 2 (Summer 2009): 330–61.

Project Timeline

October 2024 - Grant awarded

November 1 - 15 2024 - Reach out to archives, museums and collections to gather historical photographs

November 15 - 30 2024 - Prototype lithophanes to finalize the general settings for the final works

December 2024 - Finalize printing with ample time for mistakes

Spring 2025 - Mount RaCAS exhibition

Spring 2025 - Apply to outside exhibitions

Personal Goals

As a queer aspiring artist majoring in art history, it is imperative for me to know about different art production methods and current archival practices. My goal for this project is to gain skills in 3D printing, as well as detailed knowledge of archival practices in museums and libraries. If it gets funded, I will be going through the entire process of making art: ideation, research and development, prototyping, mounting exhibitions and presenting my artwork to an audience. This process will give me valuable experience that will prepare me for my career as an artist. Even more, this project will help me gain experience with 3D printing, an emerging medium that has proven inaccessible to me due to costs, helping me become a more well-rounded artist.

My idea of success will be a complete exhibition featuring at least 40 lithophanes, to be presented in RaCAS and a separate gallery exhibition. For this I’ll have two main objectives: first, finding historical photographs of gender diverse and homosexual individuals through Colorado museums, libraries and archives. Second, I need to prototype and print the 3D lithophanes. These two objectives will help me in my academic career since I am doing a double major in Design and in Art History; having a project that requires me to engage with both sides simultaneously does not just give me hands-on experience on archival practices and 3D printing, but also allows me to explore the intersection of the two disciplines that I am dedicating my life to. 

Budget

3D printing at Auraria Library - $10 per model (material costs only) - total for prototyping and final product (around 40 prints total) - $400

The 3D printers at the Auraria Library are available for all students, but still charge for materials. The $10 is an estimate of the average costs for a single lithophane, which could vary between $8 and $15 depending on size. Around 40 prints will be necessary since about 10 of them will be prototypes to get the printer settings right. The other 30 or so will be used for final artwork.

LED Panel - $50

I will need a lighting source for the final artwork as the lithophanes can only be seen clearly against a lightsource. LED panels are an affordable option that is easily obtainable in Amazon, and one which provides strong, uniform light.

Exhibition application fees - $50

I want this artwork to be shown at exhibitions, not just during RaCAS. The exhibitions are TBD, but the average application fee is usually $25. This will allow me to apply to two of them.

[steadystudyparty]

Monday 05.12.22

Mood of the day:

Yun ~ RM

I started the day with my English final. It was an essay about America’s midterm elections and the polarization of the United-States. I am quite proud of what I wrote, I had data and cool sentences, including a funny attention grabber at the beginning. My English teacher loves me (gay privilege) so I am not worried too much about it. I have an A so far in this class and I participated actively all semester so I will certainly pass with an A.

I then bought a Manala (little man, it’s a sort of bun that is very traditional here) and ate it before my yoga class. My worst fear turned into a reality: my beloved yoga instructor was SICK and asked someone else to do our class for her. It was terrible, the new one was obviously crazy? She definitely tried to make us join her cult. The man that is so good at yoga asked me about her instructions because we were both extremely confused? Never again, my yoga teacher is my favorite person and my safes place she cannot leave me unsupervised with other professors it is too scary.

I then waited for one of my besties for lunch and we had lunch at the place where we always have lunch with our group. He was really sad that day and complained a lot but the way he complains makes it a little funny. I guess humor is how he copes with sadness.

We tried to join one of our besties at the library but we could only catch a break with him because the LIBRARY WAS FULL. I swear those people weren’t studying last week but since we all have upcoming finals, they finally realized this place is great to study. We left and went back home.

I used this time to procrastinate and to perfect my new piece on the guitar. I played for hours and even filmed myself to post on my Instagram private story -which I never do-.

[mariasmemo]

M. Jane Stroup

Above: Jane Stroup(l), Edith Andrews, Beverly Hall (r)

In 2011, the MMA’s former librarian, M. Jane (Jane) Stroup passed away.  At that time, I wrote a piece that you can read below.  Jane was an integral part of my time at the MMA growing up.  I was lucky enough to have her as a friend and as a guide.  In fact, growing up at the MMA as I did, I was incredibly lucky to be surrounded by an incredible group of women who served as mentors and friends and who showed me the paths that make up my life today.  As I touch something or walk through a space at the MMA or along Vestal Street, I continue to feel their presence and love for this unique organization. It was their work and support that put us where we are today and where we continue to build upon what they did as they continued Maria Mitchell’s legacy.  I still hear their voices and laughter (oh, the laughter!) and remember them as they guide me in my work.  Recently, Jane’s estate was finalized and closed, and a gift was left by her for the MMA.  This bequest is for our endowment and we hope that people will match her generous gift of $50,000.00.  I have and hope you will too.  

On November 4 {2011}, the MMA lost a dear friend.  M. Jane Stroup, Ph.D., known to all as Jane, was the MMA’s first year-round librarian, her tenure running from 1970 through the spring of 1994.  Jane was known for her quick wit, her fantastic annual reports presented to the membership in verse, and for being the year-round presence of the MMA for so many years – the Library lights were the only ones on Vestal Street in the MMA complex of buildings.  Jane was a lover of the natural world – from birds to wildflowers – capturing these in her sculpture and her poetry.  She was a member of the Nantucket Artists Association.  An English and Biology major in college, Jane went on to earn her Master’s Degree and then her Ph.D. at New York University. She moved to Nantucket in 1968 and would later also become well-known for the wonderful garden and greenhouse she shared on Candle House Lane with Joan Manley.  She was a woman of many talents, gracing all with her humor, love, and incredible knowledge and intelligence.  

In 1987, Jane was thanked by the MMA’s president Jane Merrill for her long service to the MMA. In her public thank you, President Merrill said “Although many science libraries have bigger collections than the Maria Mitchell Science Center, none is more friendly, better organized, or better cared for . . .   The user is assured of a warm welcome . . . ”  She kept the history of the MMA alive and enlivened the annual meetings where all awaited her annual report in verse.

In honor of her, we reprint here one of her much anticipated annual reports – this one is from 1978 – and we thank her for all the wonderful years she gave to the MMA. Those of us who knew her, those who were lucky to have been touched by her – and even appear in her annual report – will miss her.

Annual Meeting 1978

Listen, dear members, and you shall hear

Of a most exciting library year.

The Winter of seventy seven and eight,

Our doors were open early and late.

Folks came from far and near.

 They wanted to know of the sun and stars,

Solar heat, black holes and life on Mars,

Lasers and quasars and quarks and charms

Kept the Librarian full of alarms!

How did the universe ever get going

Could be beyond a poor mortals knowing.

How it will end is full of conjecture

Suitable stuff for an M. M. lecture.

 The snow was swept, and the birds were fed

The goldfish slept in their icy bed.

Nice Mr. Lucas took our picture,

So now we’ve become a permanent fixture.

The birders were busy as they could be

Spotting the birds on land and sea

Indeed one study, it is said,

Even counted those birds long dead!

 Spring brought the tourists who like to come early

But finding things closed are apt to become surly

It was Library Week across the nation

So we cheered them up with a celebration

Real live authors and cookies and punch

Made for a lively bunch.

Then snowdrops and crocuses started blooming

And Library business started booming!

 What is that tree that grows so tall?

What is that bird that looks so small?

What is that flower that grows by the road?

How do you tell a frog from a toad?

Why does the tide go in and out?

What is ethology all about?

We searched the books, and we shared a laugh,

And prayed for return of the Hinchman staff!

 The Library silence turns to noise

As Dorrit arrives with her girls and boys.

The Birthplace door is opened wide,

And Edith’s arranging flowers inside.

Eileen is tromping across the yard,

Bringing another lecture card.

Sure signs of Summer . . . the Librarian’s sneeze.

And the annual swarm of the Library bees.

JNLF

[dollslayer]

By Its Cover

Dark!Librarian!Steve Rogers x Shy!Reader, College AU

Summary: Your late nights at the university library spark a chain of events. Will they lead to your undoing? To anyone else's?

W/C: 8,890 (oops, sorry)

Warnings: DARK themes, NO MINORS, stalking, murder, minor character death, smut, angst, unprotected sex, oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing

A/N: FINALLY, I wrote this for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor's 2 Years of Darkness challenge! This fic kicked my ass but after some months I'm so excited about it! This is my first truly dark fic so please don't read if any of these topics upset you but I do want to make a note that the sex is consensual. If I missed any warnings please DM me immediately and I will add them. Reblog/comment if you liked it! Maybe even check out some of my other fics 👀 Cheers!

Main Masterlist

You stumbled slightly on the uneven pavement as you made the final steps towards the graduate school library. It was always so much quieter than the undergrad library and at this hour there’d be a good chance it was just you and the poor person stuck working the overnight help desk. You didn’t mind that though, you were never an overly sociable person and you preferred to work alone anyways.

You swiped your student ID through the sensor and the little green light granted you entry as you opened the door. Looking around there wasn’t even someone at the desk, just the sound of the always-on A/C rattling the leaves of the fake plants in the lobby.

You moved to put your ID away when it slipped from your fingers and plapped onto the floor, your own face staring back up to you from the plastic. You sighed and swung your bag further back over your shoulder as you bent to pick it up when a pair of legs edged their way into your vision. Caught off guard by the man attached to them, you watched him bend to pick up the piece of plastic.

You both straightened back up to your full heights and you found yourself looking up at him. He had clear blue eyes and sandy blond hair that was swept back. He looked like he could be a model, he was so handsome and you felt like a deer in headlights.

You realized that he had your ID in his hand and was waiting patiently for you to take it. You smiled awkwardly and took it from him. He looked back to your card and read your name out loud and snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Thank you” you said more in surprise than gratitude “Sorry, I just, I could’ve sworn no one was here you came out of nowhere” You laughed nervously, hoping to hide your embarrassment. You were never good with talking to people and once a situation got awkward you just got yourself deeper in it.

“I was just coming around the corner when I noticed you dropped your ID. I actually work the late shift at the desk. Serves me right for applying last minute for work through the university, right?” He asked with a small laugh.

“Late night cram session? You look like your back’s about to snap from holding all those books” He pointed to your bag, the stitches of it’s straps were frayed and had been sewn over a couple of times.

“Yeah, I like coming here late, hardly anyone’s here, I don’t have to deal with people and I can just focus” You explained

“Right, well, sorry to keep you. If you need anything I’m Steve, and I’ll be bored out of my mind at the desk” he smirked and walked back towards reception.

You turned down the hall and thought how strange it was that you’d never seen him here before. It was the middle of the semester so he couldn’t have just started but you were in here all the time and you’d never run into him once. You brushed the thought off and continued on your way.

____

Over the next few weeks you and Steve developed a routine. You’d come in around 10 or 11, you’d stop at the desk and chat a bit and then you’d head up to your spot on the second floor to study. Occasionally Steve would see you when he returned books and you’d joke around a bit before he’d leave you to your work. You were building a good rapport with each other and he was pleased.

Sometimes he’d been too shy to approach you. It made him feel like the scrawny, helpless kid he was before the growth spurt. Beautiful girls like you never looked twice at him but he knows that you’re different, he knows that if you had met him then that you’d never treat him like those girls did. He knows that in time you two could really have something special.

Steve understood that building a relationship with you would take time and balance. He didn’t want to seem too eager but ever since he saw you he knew he’d do anything to just talk to you.

It started some months ago when he was visiting Bucky on campus. They had been hanging out in the quad right by a group of buildings when you tripped on the pavement and your books fell at his feet. He helped you up and even collected your books for you but you were too flustered and embarrassed to meet his eye. You eked out a thank you and scurried into the graduate library.

That moment sparked a blooming obsession within him. The following night he was still in town but he went out without Bucky and staked out where he’d been the previous night and watched you go to the library at the same time you had. The next two nights he did this and quickly pieced together your nightly routine.

Within a month's time he was set to transfer for the next semester and when he did he got a job working night shifts at the library. Bucky had asked him why on Earth he’d want that and Steve had shrugged him off, claiming that he wanted to be paid and didn’t want to deal with anyone. Seemed like a good enough reason to anyone else.

And so that’s how Steve found himself invading your personal space to hand you your ID. He enjoyed the way you trembled slightly in surprise. You looked so small next to him, looking up at him. He nearly forgot what he was going to say, feeling suddenly shy himself. You were so close to him and you were just as beautiful as he remembered.

Take it slow, he reminded himself.

____

Your apartment door slammed behind you as you stormed out of the building. You left in only what you were wearing which was a light hoodie and some leggings. You had thought to grab your book bag before you left and it kept knocking into your side with each angry step you took. Tears streaked your face but you tried your best to brush them off and continued on your brisk walk to the library.

You and your boyfriend had gotten into a fight and things got heated pretty fast, they always did with Sean. You had confronted Sean about being gone so often and so late, you’d missed him and wanted to spend time with you. That’s when he started getting defensive and turning your late nights at the library right around on you.

Things escalated to shouting and Sean had gotten so angry that he’d knocked over a pile of your books from the table. It had scared you and that’s when you left. You knew that you’d be getting nowhere with him when he was so angry. You wanted to be alone and needed a distraction so you grabbed your bag and headed for the library.

You secretly hoped Steve was working, it’d be nice to see a friendly face. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have the tiniest crush on him. He’s handsome and funny and kind and he always knows when to give you space. You wish you’d met him at a different point in your life, you could really see yourself with him in another timeline. Maybe it was just easier to think that having just had a fight with Sean.

You swiped your card and waited patiently for the door to open. You could tell Steve had already spotted you and was looking at you as you passed through the glass doors. He was smiling his same boyish charm smile that made you feel even shier than you already were. You must’ve looked a mess but it was comforting to see him there waiting for you.

“There she is,” Steve said with a smile as he got up from his chair to greet you. His face immediately fell though as he took in the tracks of your tears and your puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Steve looked upset and angry for you. You were touched, but you’d rather leave it.

“I’d rather not talk about it, if it’s okay. It’s nice to see you though, Steve. How’s your night?”

Steve’s jaw ticked but he swallowed and nodded and you were grateful he didn’t push it further.

“Uneventful as usual, it’s good to see you too, doll.”

You felt your cheeks heat at the nickname. If you were on better terms with Sean you’d feel bad but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do anything but giggle.

You said your goodbye to Steve and made your way to the second floor to study.

Hours passed and you had your nose buried in a book when you felt a sudden presence. You looked up slowly behind you and shrieked when you found Steve just inches from you. He held his hands out defensively and tried to catch your breathing.

“Steve, oh my God, I didn’t see you there, you scared me!” You laughed as you caught your breath.

“Yeah, sorry, I uh, have a habit of doing that.” He said as he ducked his head sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. Was he blushing? Why did he look nervous?

“I, um. I was uh, I was hoping to maybe ah, ask you something, actually.” Steve swallowed thickly. He is nervous. You smiled at him and motioned for him to go on.

“I was thinking… maybe, when you’re free if um, would you maybe want to go to dinner? With me?” He stammered out.

You smiled and felt heat flood your cheeks all over again, Steve was gorgeous and you were flattered that someone like him would want to go out with you. Just as quickly as that flattery came dread had instantly replaced it. You had a boyfriend, you couldn’t do that to Sean. Oh God, now I have to turn him down. What if he hates me?

“Wow… I uh, Steve,” you started, “I’m. You’re so sweet, I don’t know what to say. But, I have a boyfriend, I’m really sorry”

“But- but don’t think I wouldn’t say yes, if I could. You’re such a nice guy and I’m really happy for our friendship. I hope this doesn’t make things weird between us, I’m. I’m sorry,” You quickly led up with. You felt so awkward and bad that you had to turn him down.

Steve’s jaw ticked and he looked away. A blush of embarrassment had made its way up his neck and into his cheeks. His fists clenched at his sides and he took a deep breath.

“It’s… It’s fine, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I don’t want things to be weird between us either. You know what? Why don’t we just forget the whole thing? Sorry again.” He finished with a tight lipped smile

You sent an uneasy smile back and nodded.

“Of course, no damage done, Steve.”

With that he left you and you went back to your book. You tried not to overthink the entire situation but couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable.

____

“Boyfriend” the word echoed in his head on a never ending loop with deafening reverb. He nodded curtly at you and smiled. You had your awkward exchange of apologies and excuses. Wordlessly, he made his way back to the information desk. He felt angry but also humiliated, he had spent at least a week building himself up to say something to you and you just turned him down so wholly?

He saw the way you looked at him, the way you laughed at his jokes. Steve knew that he meant more to you than you were letting on. There was attraction there, you were just in denial because you had a boyfriend.

Who even was this schmuck? You couldn’t have liked him that much because if you did then you would’ve mentioned him before but you hadn’t. If you really loved your boyfriend then you wouldn’t have smiled at Steve the way you did or stopped to say hello every night. He needed to see for himself whom exactly it was that was so undeserving of your attention.

Steve checked the cameras and saw that you were packing up your things. He had maybe a few minutes to gather his own things and wait for you. There was someone else coming to cover the library in 20 minutes, it would be fine if he left it alone until then. He decided to make himself scarce from the desk so you wouldn’t have to see him again before you left and you wouldn’t notice he’d be following you.

Waiting for the sound of the double doors to click shut he turned the corner and waited for just a minute. He slunk down the mainways of campus towards the student apartments and stopped just 20 yards away from you up against a wall. You looked so cold all alone in the dark as you buzzed in one of the numbers.

“1B, what the fuck could you possibly want at this hour?” a gruff voice answered over the comm.

“Baby, it’s me, sorry I forgot my keys but you weren’t responding to my texts so” You trailed off as you shivered in the night. No reply came, just the buzzer sounding off. You hurried inside and Steve tried his best to scope out external windows.

Finally the light came on in one of them and to his luck the blinds were mostly open. Through the vertical slats he could make out your entrance and an impeding figure from the hall. It was him, the boyfriend. The guy that was apparently so much better than Steve.

He saw your body language was tense and you opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word in, your boyfriend was grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you. You looked surprised maybe, but you just let him grab you like that. You just fucking let him.

He watched from his spot against a pillar from the building across the walkway. He clenched his jaw and tried to control his breathing watching this guy, this boy manhandle you like you weren’t something special, something precious. He was disgusted but he couldn’t look away as your clothes were shirked off and you two fucked right there on the couch.

He couldn’t bring himself to watch anymore and stormed off. As he walked back to his place a plan began to form in the back of his mind.

____

Things with Sean were smoothed over. You didn’t really talk, so much as he just fucked you before you could even talk about it. He had kissed you on the cheek after and said he was sorry. So you figured that he was. You didn’t really feel like pushing it anyways.

You made for the library once again, anticipating a long night ahead of you with midterms around the corner.

You let out a shriek as you realized someone was standing over you. Steve was hovering right above you, looking even taller than he already was. You pushed your chair back to get some distance between yourself and him while you caught your breath from the momentary scare.

“Steve, I uh, sorry I didn’t hear you coming, again.”

He leaned himself against the edge of the table and crossed his arms. How had you not realized he was so muscular before? You flushed and scolded yourself for thinking about him like that. You had a boyfriend and Steve was just the nice guy at the library.

He ducked his head shyly and waved your apology off.

“Sorry, guess I’m just sneaky.” He chuckled in amusement but the feeling wasn’t mutual, “I was just up here returning some books when I realized I missed you coming in, thought I’d come say hi.”

“Right,” you replied, “Guess we just missed each other. How’s the desk tonight?”

“Bored to tears as usual, just glad you’re here tonight”

Steve winked at you and you felt your cheeks get hot again and you looked away with a small laugh.

“You always know just what to say, don’t you?”

“Ah that’s not true.” He paused, “I get nervous all the time around pretty girls like you”

You were really in it now. Your cheeks heated instantly and you had to look away from him again. For someone that just got rejected he doesn’t stay down for long. How the hell were you going to talk your way out of this one? He knows you have a boyfriend, why would he say that?

“Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” Oh, thank God.

He begins to walk back to his cart before spinning on his heel one last time.

“Hey, I forgot to ask. You’re pretty good with art history, right?”

You nod cautiously, afraid that you know where this is going.

“Well, as of right now I’ve got a C. I was wondering if you’d be willing to meet on one of my nights off here and help me out?”

“O-oh. Yeah, of course. No problem. I’m sure Sean wouldn’t mind.”

You were too nice for your own good, saying yes before really thinking it all through. You only realized you had after the words left your mouth so you mentioned Sean to save yourself a bit.

Steve’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you.

“Awesome, you’re the best. Maybe we can get together at that cafe on 3rd next Tuesday around noon?”

“Of course, I’ll be there” You confirm.

____

Tuesday couldn’t come soon enough for Steve. He didn’t need any help in art history, he was averaging about an 87, actually. But when you turned him down he knew he had to find another way to get closer to you and he knew that you’d say yes out of pressure.

All in all things were going pretty well for Steve. Despite your shy nature he’d managed to get closer to you much quicker than he expected. He loved watching you get flustered whenever he was close, finding it hard not to get flustered himself. He was impatient for things to move forward but he knew it would all pan out. There was only one wrench in the plan; your boyfriend Sean.

The other night when Steve had followed you home and witnessed Sean manhandle you in your apartment he began thinking of how to remove him from the picture. Steve did his research on Sean and found it suspicious he couldn’t find anything on him. Usually after a little digging you can find something off about anyone, but not him. Steve knew it would take a little more effort, but for you he’d make it.

So that’s how Steve wound up spending his night off in the corner of the dive bar that was just off campus. Off campus enough that you’d need to drive there. He had tailed Sean’s Jeep there after his club soccer game in hopes of finding something he could actually use to justify getting rid of him for you. He groused as he pulled into the parking garage across the street and pocketed his parking stub. He waited a few beats and watched Sean leave his car.

He slinked in the door and grabbed a dimly lit corner booth. The residue of whatever cleaner this place used was causing his forearms to stick to the table at his booth and the air stunk of vape smoke. He was surrounded by other 20-somethings, awkward Tinder hookups and frat bros meeting up to blow off steam.

On the opposite side of the room he spotted Sean, watched him as he approached the bar for another pint. He’d followed him here in hopes of getting some sort of information on him that he could use. After an hour of nursing one beer and absolutely nothing happening with Sean Steve had been ready to give up.

Just as he was getting ready to down the rest of his drink the door had opened and in walked a girl around his age. She looked nervous but excited as she looked around the place. She nearly squealed as she rushed over when she found who she was looking for. A smile slowly crawled across Steve’s face as the girl rushed into Sean’s arms and embraced him with a kiss. This is exactly what Steve needed to get him out of the picture.

Steve discreetly took out his phone and snapped a few photos, even got a video of them kissing again. He figured this would be enough to blackmail Sean into leaving you. Getting what he needed, he grabbed his jacket and left the bar. He felt light as a feather walking home, his plan was finally setting into motion and it wouldn’t be long until you were together.

Tuesday had finally come and Steve’s good mood only carried over. He practically skipped to the coffee shop you two had agreed to meet at. He grabbed a table and waited for you. When he saw you open the door he was grinning ear to ear but his expression quickly changed taking in your appearance. You looked exhausted, like you’d been crying again. This wouldn’t do.

“What’s wrong? Is it your boyfriend again?” Steve asked.

You nodded silently and set down your bag with a huff.

“He’s just been out really late lately, I feel like he’s never home. Then again I’m always out late.”

“Well I’m glad you’re a night owl, otherwise we wouldn’t have met” Steve tried to turn the conversation back to them and to keep it positive.

“I guess you’re right. You didn’t order anything?” You frowned, noticing his empty hands.

“I was waiting for you, it’s my treat.” You opened your mouth to protest but Steve was quick to add, “Don’t even try to argue with me on this one.”

You sighed but ultimately relented, following him to the counter. He let you order first.

“Um, just a small hot chocolate please, thank you so much”

Steve thought it was cute that you didn’t drink caffeine, he knew hot chocolate was your drink of choice. He knew this of course from hours of pouring over every profile of yours he could find on the internet. He even found your tumblr you were just sure nobody knew about. Turns out you’ve got quite the dirty mind. But that was a thought for another day. Steve turned back to the counter and ordered black coffee and paid the bill.

With drinks in hand you made your way back to your table and settled in for an afternoon of art history. It went smoothly overall and Steve even got you to laugh a few times. He’d perfectly played his balance of pretending not to know about the subject while seeming to be learning what you were teaching. He could tell you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing something and he was happy he could make you feel that way. He was sure he was the only one that could.

You called it a day and said your goodbyes, you went in for an awkward hug which Steve accepted wholeheartedly. He’d even managed to finally snag your number so you two could work out more study times. Maybe you were coming around much easier than he anticipated. He smiled to himself and on the walk home began to devise a plan to get rid of Sean. It’d only be a matter of days if everything went accordingly.

____

You were basking in the rare day off, taking every moment to enjoy doing absolutely nothing. You’d felt drained lately from your class workload, late nights at the library, and your elevating fights with Sean. He was at work today followed by an evening class so you had uninterrupted alone time. Around 10pm it took every ounce of your free will to get off the couch and get the mail.

You milled over to your box and jammed the key in. Pulling the mail out your head titled in curiosity at the large unmarked manila folder. No return address written, only yours but there was nothing indicating whether it was for you or Sean. You’d open it when you got back upstairs.

Finally back to your spot on the couch your fingers slowly undid the folder’s metal clasp and you reached inside for its contents. Out came several photos and a hastily written note. You held the grainy photos closer to your face to make out what they were. When you did your heart plummeted and you went into emotional shock.

Though the photos were grainy it was very clear what they were of. Shots of Sean and some mystery brunette making out in a bar. Sean with his arm around her waist, Sean with his hand on her ass. All the photos were timestamped for only a few days ago when he claimed his soccer game was running late. You dropped them instantly and they scattered to the floor.

Your heart was hammering in your ears, you didn’t know what to think. Sean was the only boyfriend you’d ever really had, Sean loved you, you loved him. Somewhere in the back of your mind you remembered there was a note. You searched for it and tried to read it through the tears that were beginning to blur your vision.

‘I know what you did. You tell her or I will. You have three days’

You didn’t recognize the handwriting. Who would send this? Why would they send it? You and Sean didn’t have many friends and you couldn’t picture them doing this. Maybe this is some prank? Maybe the timestamp is wrong and this is before you were together.

Sean was all you’d ever known and you shared an apartment, it’s not like you’d have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. Should you confront him with these? It’s not like you two were exactly good at solving your problems. Would he leave you if you showed him these? What then?

Your mind was spinning, unsure of what to do with this new information. Maybe you could keep quiet about this, try to spend some more time with Sean, make him see what the two of you have. Maybe you can ask him to be home more, maybe you could be home more too.

You took a deep breath and wiped your tears before you gathered the photos and put them back into the envelope. You decided you’d hold onto them for now, tucking them away in your drawer of the dresser. Deciding you’d just work yourself up if you stayed up you shot Sean a text goodnight and went to bed.

Morning came and he was snuggled into your side, the comfort you felt had you feeling like everything might be okay for a moment. You stayed in bed just a little longer and turned so he could hold you in his arms. Your heart felt so unsure and scared, but you didn’t know what else you could do.

The week passed by and you decided to shift more of your energy towards your relationship with Sean, pushing your nights at the library to the backburner. You still hadn’t told him about the envelope but you did tell him you missed him and wished he was home more. He relented and was home four nights this week instead of his usual two.

The time together was uncomfortable but you kept telling yourself that things were getting a little better over time, even if your studies were suffering for it. As the week went on you were able to suppress your doubts about your relationship a bit more. Sean loved you and you loved him.

You couldn’t ignore the oncoming threat of midterms forever, though. The last thing you wanted was to be alone because you knew that your thoughts would just spiral but you needed to do well this semester so you grabbed your bag and headed out.

You swipe through the doors, almost looking forward to seeing Steve. You’d blown off your study session with a profuse apology so you could be with Sean. You were eager to apologize in person but found the reference desk to be completely abandoned. You frowned, maybe Steve was putting away books or something. You’d see him eventually though, for now you had an essay to write.

Hours could have gone by and you wouldn’t have known. You were getting so much done though, it felt good to be focused on something other than your own thoughts.

“Where’ve you been?”

You jump in your seat. You turn around to find Steve emerging from the shelves that were just out of your view. He wore a neutral expression but you could cut the tension with a knife. He stepped forward and you debated on what to say.

“Sorry, I had to cancel with you this week. How are you getting along?”

“Nothing another tutoring session couldn’t fix, I’m sure. Were you sick? I feel like you haven’t been here in forever. The nights get awful lonely without ya here”

Why did Steve keep making statements like that when he knew you had a boyfriend? It was driving you insane and getting harder to ignore them.

“Um, no, I was with Sean, actually. But y’know, can’t avoid midterms forever” You gave a half-hearted laugh hoping to lighten things up.

Steve’s neutral expression is slipping, but you can’t tell if he’s angry or not. But his face broke out into a small smile, putting you at ease instantly. He clapped you on the shoulder and took a step back.

“Yeah, guess you’re right. We still on for Tuesday?”

You gave him an easy smile and nodded.

“I’ll be counting the days” With that Steve disappeared back between the shelves.

____

The moment Steve placed the envelope in the mail he felt a confidence he hadn’t felt before. All he had to do was wait for you to open the envelope and everything would take its course. He knew Sean was at work and you’d be the one to get the mail that day. From his spot he’d peered in your windows all those weeks ago he watched you open the photos. You dropped them to the ground and held a hand to your mouth to cover what looked like a sob. Steve smiled to himself, now all you had to do was leave him.

The week went on and Steve figured you might need a little time to break it off and he’d be there at the library, waiting to comfort you. It’s not like you had any other friends in your life to turn to. But then you cancelled your study session with no explanation. Steve figured maybe you were still in shock, needed to cry it out alone. Then two days turned to four turned to seven.

Steve was confused, he was infuriated even. Why hadn’t you come to the library yet? Why hadn’t you texted him? There’s no way that you were actually going to stay with him after you saw him with another woman. Except that’s exactly what he did.

Looking back on it Steve recognized his mistakes. He knew you were shy and meek, sweet, it’s what he loved about you. But he should’ve accounted for this to happen. You were too sweet for your own good, wanting to make it work with Sean. It was an obstacle he hadn’t seen but this is just a slight bump in the plan. He can work around it.

When he saw you coming up the steps on the security camera he made himself scarce, not ready to face you just yet. He gave you some hours to study before he made himself known to you. He could tell just by the way you talked that you were in complete denial about what was happening. You weren’t strong enough to leave him but that’s okay, Steve is strong enough for the both of you right now, he’ll help you get there.

____

Just when you thought things were getting better Sean was back to becoming distant, going out with his teammates and coming home still a little drunk. The more you thought about those photos and thought about how he slipped back into old habits so easily the more you were working up the courage to confront him. You weren’t sure if you’d leave him, but maybe it would make him change.

Then the second envelope came. More photos of them kissing and leaving the bar together. They were time stamped just two nights ago. Your heart fell through the floor as you tried to make sense of things. How much of this could you put up with? When was enough? You needed to confront him when he got home.

You texted him to try to come home early tonight, saying it was important. You spent the rest of the evening planning out your words and trying to quell the oncoming panic attacks. Time passed by in a blur and before you knew it it was midnight and you still had no word from Sean. You couldn’t spend one more minute alone, you needed to get out. You needed a friend.

Your body was on autopilot as your feet carried you up the steps of the library. Steve wasn’t at the desk and you felt almost distressed. You knew he’d be a good third party to talk all this out to and you didn’t know what to think when he wasn’t there. You decided to shoot him a text.

‘Hey, I know you usually work Thursdays, I’ll be at my usual spot, I could really use a friend if you’re not too busy’ Did that sound too desperate? At this point you didn’t care.

You sunk down into your chair on the second floor with a huff. You hadn’t brought your bag so it’s not like you could study to distract yourself. As it turned out you didn’t need to.

“I’m never too busy for you, doll. ‘Specially not at this job” Steve’s voice carried as he rounded a corner into your sight.

You felt instantly better before you realized you were crying. It was hard to be vulnerable but if you could trust anyone with this it was Steve. You gave him a weak smile as he pulled up a chair beside you.

“What’s wrong? Do you need tissues?”

“No, sorry, I just.” You were struggling to find the words. “Sean is cheating on me”

Steve’s hands clenched into fists, he looked absolutely furious for you.

“Are you serious? That bastard! Doll, I’m so sorry. Have you confronted him?” His hand reached for yours and his thumb rubbed light circles.

“I-I, I haven’t said...anything. I just. He loves me y’know? Why would he do that? He’s all I have? What happens if he leaves me where will I stay I’ll be completely alone, I’ll-”

You had worked yourself into a panic attack as you desperately tried to take gulps of air while tears streamed down your face. You were losing touch with your surroundings and spiraling into a place you couldn’t get yourself out of. Steve moved his chair closer to you and brought you into his lap. He held your back to his chest and wrapped his arms around you. You could just make out what he was saying.

“Doll, it’s okay, I need you to breathe with me, can you do that? Take a deep breath in with me. Hold it and count to five with me,” You do but you’re still struggling. “Now exhale, count again for me. You’re doing so well, you can do this.”

Eventually Steve is able to bring you back down to Earth and you slumped back into his arms. You don’t care that Steve is holding you, it feels safe. You shifted so you could lean your head against his chest and let out a heavy sigh. He holds you to himself and lets you sit there for a while.

You don’t know how much time passes but you sit up slowly and he’s reluctant to let you go. You wipe your eyes as you go back to your own chair.

“Sorry, I’m keeping you from your job. Sorry I just totally came here and freaked out” You were starting to feel embarrassed, oversharing your life and emotions with him. You really liked him, you didn’t want to think you’d ruined the friendship.

“Don’t even apologize. You can always come to me.” He gave you a warm smile and you felt reassured. “So what are you going to do about Sean?”

Another hour had gone by with Steve and you could see the sun starting to come through the windows. You had decided you would confront him and go from there. You weren’t ready to fully commit to leaving him but this needed to end one way or another. For the first time in two weeks you felt like things were maybe going to be okay. The next time you saw Sean you were going to confront him.

____

Clearly seeing that you weren’t going to do anything after he sent the photos, he had to go to plan B. Steve waited outside the practice field and followed him to the parking structure once again. He jammed the parking stub in his jacket pocket along with the others and repeated his previous trips here. It was astounding how unaware Sean was of his surroundings, Steve had followed him and that girl from the bar back to her place at least twice now.

Getting what he needed he put another envelope in the mail the next day, this time with no note but the photos were more upsetting. It hurt Steve to hurt you but it’s what needed to be done. You were never going to confront him with things as they were so he had to push the envelope, literally and metaphorically. The hurt would be worth it though, because you came crying to him just like he’d hoped you would. Seeing your text warmed his heart, you needed him and he’d be there. Every time.

He knew he’d be comforting you but he didn’t think that he’d get to hold you. He was hiding his smile as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you down from your panic attack. You did so well listening to him and calming down. He was convinced he was the only one that could help you, you just needed to see that.

Steve abandoned his cart of books that needed to be shelved but he couldn’t care less. He’d stay up all night with you every night if that’s what it took. As dawn broke the two of you devised a plan and he built you up to say something. You weren’t committed to leaving him, which Steve wasn’t happy about, but you were committed to confronting him, if only you’d get the chance.

Based on what Steve knew of both yours and Sean's schedules you’d just miss each other between classes during the day and Sean had a game tonight, which would inevitably lead to a night at the bar. All Steve had to do was wait. He had to contain his excitement, things were finally finally falling right into place, they just needed a final push.

Nightfall came and this time Steve beat Sean to the structure. Steve parked on the top level and stuck the parking stub in his pocket. He didn’t feel like he was taking a risk by counting on Sean to follow routine, he was a good boy, he’d park in his same spot he always did and proceed to get wasted across the street.

A slow smile creeped across Steve’s face as Sean and his teammates stumbled into the bar, probably already drunk from pre-gaming. Sean’s sidepiece wouldn’t come to the bar tonight, her sorority having some dumb mixer or another. Steve reminded himself of his mantra to wait. His phone buzzed and he saw it was a text from you. You two had been texting after you came to him in the library.

‘He’s not responding to my texts. I know he had a game tonight but I really thought he’d be here’

He’d have to text you back another time, Steve needed to be on his toes tonight. He sat at what was becoming his usual booth for nearly two hours, barely touching his pint. Finally Sean paid his tab and said goodnight to his friends. Steve pulled down the brim of his hat and pursued him towards the parking structure. Drunken and fumbling up through the stairwell, Steve entered behind him quietly while taking out a knife he’d stolen from Bucky. He always knew his friend’s strange obsession with them would come in handy someday.

Just as Sean was about to take the final step Steve grabbed him from behind. Sean’s reactions may have been slowed but it hadn’t stopped him trying to thrash out of the grip. His efforts stopped immediately as Steve held the blade to his throat. He spoke clearly and in a low voice.

“Keep walking up the stairs or I will slit your fucking throat, do you hear me?” He brought the knife closer to his neck to drive home the threat.

“E-easy man, please, please don’t do this”

“Keep moving. Up.”

Steve pushed him all the way towards his car at the edge of the top level. He flipped Sean around so his back was to the ledge, the knife still trained closely on him. Pleads for mercy fell on deaf ears.

“What do you wan’!? You wan’ money!? Take, take my wallet man I don’t need it, jus’ please don’t kill me please!”

Steve pushed him slightly, though his grip on him remained tight. Sean struggled against him as his body weight wavered over the ledge. He must have realised how far up they were because he started crying at this point, begging even harder as he teetered and trying desperately to get his bearings against the wall.

“Why are you doing this!?” He wailed, “I’ll do anything, please! Please, I have a girlfriend, I have a family”

That was all that it took. Steve was feeling a high like he’d never felt. He knew at this moment he was doing the right thing for both of you. With a rush of adrenaline and in a flash of certainty he pushed Sean’s body over the edge. He didn’t watch him fall the seven stories down to the ground, but he did wait to hear the sickening crack and thud of his body hitting the ground. There was no way he’d survived.

Blood rushing through his ears, he felt euphoric, so powerful, so in love with you. He climbed back into his car and headed for his apartment. His plan wasn’t quite complete yet though, but everything he needed to do was done. He could watch the rest unfold from the sidelines. He knows you’ll be heartbroken all over again when you find out, but he’ll be there to pick up the pieces.

____

You’d been in mourning for nearly two months. The shock you’d felt wasn’t comparable to any other feeling you’d felt. The police ultimately ruled his death an accident, they performed an autopsy and found dangerous amounts of alcohol in his system. They weren’t able to pinpoint an exact time of death but estimated 2-3 AM, as he’d been found in the morning. They figured he’d just gotten piss drunk and came too close to the edge. And he was gone just like that.

His death weighed heavy on you, you blamed yourself for a long time. He wouldn’t have stayed out if you hadn’t pushed him so far away from you. The last thing you ever said to him was nagging and whiny, no wonder he didn’t want to come home. To think that you were possibly going to leave him. You felt so much self-contempt but slowly you were learning to forgive yourself.

You don’t know what you’d have done without Steve by your side. He was there for you every step of the way. He held you at the funeral, he helped you pack up Sean’s things in the apartment, he took your late night phone calls and came over at the drop of a hat to help you through your grief. You were eternally grateful for his selflessness and his willingness to help you heal.

Guilt loomed over you once again as the old feelings you’d had for Steve in the early days of your friendship started to flare up again. It felt natural to feel them, with him being closer to you than he ever was, but it didn’t stop you from feeling shame over it. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t culpable for anything that happened, that Sean himself was interested in someone else when he’d died. You had to forgive yourself for these feelings for Steve. Maybe even pursue them.

‘Can you come over tonight? I think we should talk’ Your nerves were on fire from the rush you got sending him that text.

‘How about you come to my place? 7? We can go for something to eat if you want.’ Your heart was fluttering, was this a date?

‘Sounds good :)’

Checking the time you saw it was 4, you spent the next few hours obsessing over what to say. No matter what you were determined to tell him your feelings for him. You were debating whether or not you should kiss him. Would he even want you back? What if he only sees you as a friend now? The hours whiled away and you took a deep breath before setting out.

You’d been to Steve’s apartment only once before, you knew he lived alone but he’d managed to make the place feel homey. You were buzzed in and before you had the chance to knock on the door Steve had it open and was waiting for you. His smile was all teeth and it was contagious, you smiled back looking up at him and he let you in.

You sat down on the couch and waited for Steve. No turning back now. Deep breath. He sat down and turned to face you.

“What did you want to talk about?”

No words were coming to you. Your mouth opened but you could only sputter. Oh God, where were the words? Do something!

So you did. Before you could think about it you put a shaky hand up to Steve’s jaw and pulled him in for a kiss. You didn’t know what you were feeling, you were just waiting for Steve to respond. You began to pull back but before you could he took your face in his hands and kissed you back tenderly but with purpose. Your arms were around him and he pulled you closer into his lap to kiss you more passionately.

You finally pulled apart to catch your breath. You snuck a look up to his face and you were nervous but you felt like you were floating.

“You have… no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that” He said between breaths.

You two smiled like idiots and he brought his lips to yours again. The kiss deepened and a moan slipped from your mouth. This seemed to spark something in Steve and his hands shakily moved over your body. He was feeling every curve of you and you ground down into his lap and his hips bucked up in response. You have no idea where this confidence came from but you’d never felt more sure of yourself. You broke apart again and Steve was breathing heavily.

“Is this what you want?” He asked. You could only nod before he was on you again. He pulled you up from the couch and led you to his bed. This time he laid you back and was hovering over you, slowly undoing the buttons of your jeans. You helped him get yourself out of them and pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your bra and panties. How was this happening? Who cares?

He sat back and took the sight of you in, he was looking at you like you were the most precious thing. He slowly removed his clothes and moved back over you, kissing his way up your thighs before pulling your panties down your legs. He continued laving away at your skin, making you nervous but excited. His fingers brushed your core and he brought them up to his face.

“Sweetheart, you are dripping.” Your cheeks heated instantly as he chuckled. Not giving you the chance to respond he dove right in. Two fingers entered you and you arched your back, his tongue lapped up your wetness and then at your clit. You’d really never known pleasure like this, no one had ever done this for you before. His fingers pumped in and out of you and your hands flew to his hair and pulled. He continued on and curved his fingers just slightly and you clenched down around him, you were so close.

“Please, I’m so close” you whimpered.

Steve doubled his efforts and before you knew it the tension he had been building up was released in a white hot flash of ecstasy. You writhed against his fingers as he kept pumping them into you. Finally he relented, pulling them out and licking them clean. You’d never seen something that made you feel so filthy but so so good.

He took off his boxers and encased you in his arms. He kissed your neck and you moaned again at the feeling. You spread yourself for him and he lined himself up and groaned. The stretch was something you weren’t ready for. It burned almost, you cried out as he put his whole length in you. He waited all of two seconds before he began thrusting into you. You weren’t ready but you were adjusting quickly with the way his cock hit that spot inside of you over and over.

You were holding onto his shoulders, nails digging in deep as he started to go harder and faster.

“I’m close” He panted into your ear.

Reaching down his fingers found your clit and started moving back and forth quickly, trying to match his thrusts. The tension was building again to a breaking point and you were getting close again. He worked you even harder until you broke, cumming for a second time. Your eyes were screwed shut in ecstasy as you cried again.

“Steve!”

That was all it took before he slammed into you a final time, you could feel his release and you’d never felt closer to him. His movements stopped and your noses touched. He kissed you hard before rolling off of you.

“That was… oh my god” you breathed.

“I know, me too” Steve chuckled. “So can I take you to dinner?”

“Nothing would make me happier,” You grinned wide and nodded.

You cleaned yourself up and redressed. You were taking in Steve’s room and found yourself smiling at the photos of him and Bucky, little knick-knacks on his dresser. You found a sticky note on the calendar at his desk. You squinted. Had you seen his handwriting before?

You shrugged and flopped yourself back on the bed. You checked the weather on your phone and frowned at the temperature, you let out a small groan.

“What is it?” Steve called from the bathroom as he cleaned up.

“It’s so coooold and I forgot my jacket” You pouted.

“Just take mine, it’s the brown leather one hanging in the living room” He was so sweet.

Gingerly, you made your way into the living room and found the jacket, slipping it on. You don’t know what was taking Steve so long but you shoved your hands in the pockets and waited for him. You felt something in the right pocket. Is this trash? You pulled out little wadded up pieces of paper and unfolded them.

They were parking stubs. They were from the same structure that Sean had fallen from. Your heart was pounding, upset just thinking of him. Looking closer one of them was stamped for 2:15 AM, 2/1, the night that he died. Okay...

1 AM 1/15, 11:57PM 1/28, They matched the timestamp on the photos that had been sent to you. Two others were from nights when Sean had games and had stayed out late. Your heart was in your throat and tears were forming in your eyes, trying to find some explanation. You thought again of the first time you’d received an envelope, those photos, that note. It had dawned on you why the note looked so familiar… The handwriting! Oh, God... Your whole world slowed down as you heard footsteps bound into the room. Slowly you turned, the stubs still in your shaking hands.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Steve took a step further, “You weren’t supposed to see those.”

[yourmidnightlover]

the nickname

Summary: reader convinced spencer to let her take the reins in the bedroom... or does she?

TW: oral (male recieving), fingering, mention of overstimulation, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, riding, scratching, use of nicknames (princess, love, etc.), hints at sugar daddy!spencer, age gap (not specified but i’m thinking around 10-15 years). *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 2,912

A/N: this hinted at sugar daddy!spencer (not really hinted so much as saying it outright). I also wrote this for @anxiousblanketqueen ‘s fic contest for her birthday! i believe it’s prompt number 21. i hope you enjoy :)

————————————————————————

you had been together for a while, now. maybe 13 months? you bet spencer could recall - more like knew he could.

you had met when you were one of his students. you're going to georgetown on an academic scholarship because no way in hell could you pay for the full tuition when you still couldn't afford it with the scholarships.

he took a liking to you - how could he not? you were a hard worker and proved yourself to be extremely determined. on top of the obvious intelligence, you had a beauty that radiated around you. and that beauty had a touch of... innocence. and maybe that innocent beauty is what initially attracted him to you, but he'd like to think it was just your personality as a whole.

you were never one of the students who would come to his office after hours for help you clearly didn't need. you would use your colored pens and highlighters to help organize your notes, so it took a while to pack everything up to leave.

one day, when there weren't any students lined up out his door, he went to your seat as you were cleaning up. you looked up, rather surprised that your inappropriate crush was standing right by you.

"uhm... hi," you smiled at him as you put your pencil pouch in your bag, breaking eye contact for the briefest of seconds before returning your attention back to him.

"hi. i was uhm..." he cleared his throat, "i was wondering if you had any questions? you never come to the office hours for questions and i was just... just making sure," he stuttered out.

"oh," you chuckled a light, airy laugh that spencer wished he had recorded so he could replay it over and over and over. "i don't have any questions. i guess that just means that you're a really good professor - very thorough," you stood up and flung the bag over your shoulder, still incredibly shorter than him.

"than-thank you," he smiled. "i'm happy to hear that you're actually getting something out of the lessons," you began walking out of the classroom, looking back to ensure that he was following you.

"yes, i truly do," you agreed. "i'm also pretty sure i'm one of the other people who isn't auditing the class," you added.

"correct, you are," he enthusiastically gestured, another laugh leaving your beautiful lips.

"i mean, you can't necessarily blame them for just taking the class," you chuckled as he held the door open for you, you gave him a subtle 'thank you.'

"what do you mean?" he asked in a soft tone.

"i mean you- you're..." you trailed off, gesturing to his entire body in hopes to convey what you meant. he just looked at you with a confused taste, letting you know you needed to elaborate. "you're very... attractive, professor reid."

"oh-that's very... thank you," he blushed as you halted by the bus stop.

"of course," you turned around, looking up to meet his eyes. "so... wait, what time is it?" you asked rather frantically.

"it's," he looked at his silver watch adorning his wrist, "6:27."

"shit," you swore for the first time in front of him, underneath your breath.

"wha-what is it?" he asked, perplexed as to why you would be so frustrated.

"the last bus leaves at 6:15 and i've missed it," you huffed out, trying to compose yourself before checking your bag and realizing, "i forgot my key and my roommate is at her girlfriend's house."

"is there anything i could do?" he asked concerned.

"no i can... i can just stay at the library. i should probably study up anyway," you tried to laugh it off although you knew it was pointless... he was a profiler for christ's sake.

"the library? y/n, this might seem a bit inappropriate but i have a spare room you could stay in until your roommate gets back," he offered kindly.

so, you took him up on his offer.

you slept in his spare room after he got you both takeout. you laughed and talked for what seemed like meer minutes but turned out to be until 1 a.m. you talked about string theory and the leonard euler's paradox. he gave you interesting facts about tortoises and achilles.

that little hangout session turned into countless hangouts over the span of three months. and then he asked you out on a real date once you finished at the top of his class - and not just because you were his favorite.

the first time with spencer was... beyond delightful. he was captivating with the way he worked against and for your body. it was almost as if he felt like his sole purpose on earth was to please you. he was eager, yet patient with the way his tongue flicked and sucked at your skin.

he was such a dominant personality in the bedroom, which was extremely appreciated since you didn't have much experience in that arena. but now that you were more versed in that world, you wanted to experiment a bit more.

casually, he began to pay for your things. it wasn't so head-on at first. it would be paying for your groceries, or buying all of your college books for you. but then it got a bit bigger. when your roommate couldn't give you the necessary half of the rent that was due and was beginning to be a nuisance, spencer quite literally let you move into his place. he would pay for your car's repairs and bought you jewelry consistently.

one time, as a joke, you called him your sugar daddy - mostly because that's how he acted. he just didn't like the term. he felt as though it made your relationship together seem one-sided when you were, in fact, very in love with the man. you came to realize it also made you seem like a gold digger, which you weren't - even though the money is a nice plus. so, you relented and didn't say that again.

spencer never really had much time off now that he was working back at the bau and traveling but now, you had him to yourself for a whole week. you had been planning this since he told you when he'd be off.

step 1: look sexy - you always looked sexy to him, but feeling sexy would also be a plus.

step 2: surprise him while looking sexy - absolutely devious.

step 3: seduce him - when doesn't he want you? exactly.

it was foolproof.

you had gotten the text 15 minutes ago that spencer was on his way back to his place, wanting you to meet him there once he had settled in. little did he know that you were in a sexy little white number - the white reminded him of your innocence which really got him going - lying in wait for him in a pair of heels. you sat in one of his reading chairs, deciding to pick up a book until he got home.

when you heard the jingling of keys coming from the other side of the door, you assumed your position. the chair was turned toward the door, you sitting pretty with one leg crossed over the other.

spencer walked through the door, hanging his coat and briefcase up before finally noticing you. his eyebrows shot up, looking your body up and down hungrily.

"wow," he smiled a wicked grin as he slowly made his way to where you were sitting. you stood up, heels clicking as they hit the floor and walked closer to him.

"i wanna try something," you placed your hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly until he was forced to sit down on the couch.

"and what would that be, princess?" he asked, hands stroking your hair that was cascading down your back.

"i..." you bent down to whisper in his ear, "i want to be in charge tonight," you placed a soft kiss below his earlobe, feeling his body shudder subtly at the proposition.

"are you sure you can handle that?" he chuckled, hands roaming to your waist and grinding your hips down on his.

you almost gave up. almost. you grasped his hands, placing them on the arm of the couch before getting close to his face. your lips were almost touching before you whispered, "no touching today, pretty boy."

you felt his hips rut up against your core, you chuckled at his eagerness. you decided to throw him a bone and ground down, hard, against his hips. the groan he let out was low and enticing, nearly enough to allow you to give him whatever he wanted.

"bedroom," you whispered against his neck before getting off of his lap, allowing him to scurry to the room. "take off your clothes while you're at it!" you giggled under your breath as you heard his clothes shuffling, telling you that he was obeying your request.

you waited a couple of minutes until you went into the room, wanting to have him go a bit insane like he normally did to you. when you walked in, he was laying on his back on the bed, just like you wanted. his cock was already red and leaky, prominent as it bounced on his tummy.

"good boy, spence," you giggled, walking over to him and straddling his legs.

once you were settled, you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before trailing them down his torso, leaving the occasional hickey scattered on his chest. traveling kisses down his happy trail, you traced the vein on his dick and watched it twitch up and hit his stomach once again you giggled at the reaction.

"now i understand why you like so much responsiveness," you chuckled as you pressed a soft, barely-there kiss to the tip of his cock, he hissed once again from the contact.

you slowly took his cock in your mouth, agonizingly slow, and flattened your tongue at the base. one you got him as far down you could manage, you began bobbing your head just as slow. his hands flew to your hair, trying to force you to go faster until you swatted them away.

"should i tie those up?" you threatened, your hand working at his member as you spoke.

"are you fucking kidding me?" he swore, clearly agitated by your antics.

"no," you squeezed his dick for punctuation, the way he grunted made the wetness pool in your underwear. "i'm not kidding you."

you took him in your mouth once more, bobbing your head far more vigorously than before this time, just to spite him. hollowing your cheeks, you swallowed around him and began gagging around his dick before coming back up for air.

"fuck," he whispered underneath his breath, not wanting to let you know just how much of an effect you had on him.

you smiled to yourself and continued your antics until he was spilling all down your throat. you didn't stop there, you came back up and let your hand continue pumping his member slowly.

"shit," he hissed from the stimulation.

"shhh," you put your free finger up to his lips.

you gave his dick a few more strokes, curses leaving his lips delightfully before you drew your hands up his body once more before straddling his lap. after moving your panties to the side and slicking his cock with your arousal, you ground against him leisurely, trying to tease him a bit more. you unclasped your bra, throwing it somewhere in the room. finally, you reached between the two of you and lined him up with your entrance.

"are you sure you can do this?" spencer asked, not to entice you, but to make sure you were alright.

"there's a first for everything," you chuckled, knowing you had never been on top before.

you had never been on top before - you'd like to blame your lack of experience. you knew it might be hard to keep up the pace, but you were determined to make not only yourself but also make spencer feel good. that's all you've ever wanted. that's what you're meant to do - make him feel good. so no matter what it took, you'd make it happen.

you slowly lowered yourself onto his dick, being wary of how much bigger he felt from the new angle.

"shit," you whispered, your hands resting on his chest in attempt to ground yourself. "oh god..." you trailed off, feeling your dominant personality fade away as the pleasure overtook you.

"keep going, princess," he spurred you on, his hands finding your waist and rubbing gentle circles on your skin. "you've got it."

so you rose on your knees until only his tip was inside of you for you to lower yourself once more. you whimpered from the feeling of him re-entering your body, your pussy clenching around him as if he were an intruder.

"doing so good for me," he grasped your waist a bit tighter so he could help you rise and fall on his cock. "fuck, it's so good."

"d-doctor, i-" you stuttered, the persona nearly entirely gone and nowhere to be seen as he continued to move you up and down.

when you learn forward, your face hovering over spencer's chest, he took the opportunity to wrap his arms entirely around your waist. before you knew it, he was slamming his length into your pussy over and over and over and over again.

"oh! oh my god," you moaned, your voice reaching a higher octave as he drilled into your body in the most pleasurable way imaginable. "don't stop! don't stop! ple-please!" you screamed out, your hands wrapping around his torso and squeezing his body to ensure that he was there - present.

"i won't, princess. just let go. let go for me," he pressed a kiss to the top of your head so sweetly in contrast to how he was fucking you.

"i'm cumming! oh god, i'm cumming, spencer!" you cried out as you released the tension from inside of you.

only spencer wasn't done yet, so he took himself out of you, and he placed you on your back before reentering you. he moved in and out of you at a godly pace, trying to get himself to his climax before you would become too overwhelmed from the overstimulation.

"spen- spencer," you scratched at his back, surely leaving red marks for him to ogle once you were through. "i-i'm close," you sucked lightly at his earlobe before he moved his hand between the two of you, circling the little bundle of nerves at your crest.

"my little insatiable bunny, huh?" he smiled as you whimpered into his ear, nearing your second release. "loves my cock a bit too much, huh?"

"please! fuck!" you shouted out as you came on his dick, pulling at his hair. the clenching and fluttering of your pussy finally sending him over the edge, his hot release flooding your insides.

"fuck," he groaned into your ear as he carried the two of you through your releases. "good job, princess," he pressed a kiss to your neck as you stroked his hair, playing with it as you were still coming down.

"i'm sorry," you frowned once he pulled out, finally making eye contact as he lay down beside you.

"what for?" he asked incredulously.

"i just... i wanted to make you proud and i couldn't even finish without your help," you explained in a whiney manner, not allowing yourself to meet his beautiful eyes.

"hey," he grasped your chin to force you to make eye contact. "i love it when i have to help you reach that high. that's not something to be embarrassed or upset about."

"i know but i wanted to ride you and i couldn't even do that," you rolled your eyes.

"it takes time to get used to doing that," he chuckled. "and besides, riding someone on the bed is never a good way to begin. the couch is always better - that way you have the back of it to hold onto."

"really? so it's not that i'm just terrible at being a top?" your eyes widened with hope, he smiled at your eagerness.

"i think you could be a switch but it needs a bit of work, my love," he brushed your hair behind your ear before seeing your disappointed gaze and adding, "but i'll bet that with enough practice i could start calling you my little bunny, yea?"

"really?" you perked up at the proposition. "i want you to call me that."

"well then, i guess we better start practicing," he grinned before leaning in and giving you a sloppy kiss, his hands flying to your waist as he stood the both of you up to go to the couch.

needless to say, with spencer's guidance you were able to master the art of riding him. and you got that special little nickname, too.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@emilyprentisslittlewhore​

@spenxerslut​

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment saying so!

[violetlilysunshine]

Make Me - 18+

Friends with Benefits Frat Harry Holland x Female Reader

Requested by @chalametsamour : Desperately yearning for frat!harry with the dialogue prompt “you can be louder than that” bc cockiness is so sexy and im yearning..

WC: 2,759

Warnings: swearing [quite a few f bombs], cocky Harry meets fluffy sweet Harry, quiet reader, pet names [love, my girl, my quiet girl, tiger, darling, baby], cheeky reader and Harry, teasing by both parties, tiny hint of possessive Harry, protected sex [p in v], multiple orgasms [fem receiving], marking [love bites, nail scratches], hint of cockwarming after the deed

A/N: So sorry this has been in my box for two months… and I know you don’t really do Holland stuff anymore but I still hope you like this :)

Also, it’s been a while since I wrote something in full! Hope it’s okay!

MASTERLIST - Join my TAGLIST

MINORS DNI

If you are choosing to continue reading below, you are saying that you are 18 years of age or older and therefore are consuming this content at your own risk. Warnings are listed above, so you can consume what you are comfortable with of course. If I find out that you are a minor consuming my 18+ content, you will be blocked and reported.

School is stressful. Everyone knows that. There’s quite a few different ways people choose to relieve stress; some run, others lift weights; some do yoga, others bike. You however have one guaranteed stress reliever - Harry fucking Holland. 

And you say “Harry fucking Holland,” because man does he deserve that name. 

He hit you up last weekend while you were studying for midterms before fall break. He texted saying, “need to relieve some stress yet?” 

You’d scoffed at his cockiness, yet it took everything in you not to answer and focus on studying. He’s been a very good stress reliever in the past and yeah, sure he could help now, but you really needed to focus. 

The next afternoon you got another text: “holding out on me, are you?” 

Again, you kept your head down and focused on the work. Yes, he’s the best lay you ever had, and yes, it would be fun, but you just have to make it through this week. 

And finally on Monday morning, with a nice change of pace he texted, “good luck, you’re gonna crush it!” bringing quite the smile to your face. 

Flash forward to now, you’re walking out of your last test; you let out a deep breath when you exit the stuffy building, the sun feeling nice on your face and giving you a little warmth against the crisp air. You decide to take a nice walk around campus and soak in the nature that you’ve been missing after locking yourself in the library for the past two weeks. 

You rounded the corner toward the grassy space where people usually sat to study outside, or occasionally tossed a frisbee; today you stumbled on a game of soccer going with some of the frat boys. None other than Harry stood at the other end of the field, looking right at you. 

There was a lull in the game, and Harry’s eyes found yours; a smile spread across his face at the sight of you and he quickly started jogging your way. You kept walking slowly, getting a bit closer to him but letting him do most of the work. 

“Oi! Where’re you going?” one of his friends called as he jogged past them.

He turned around and continued to jog backwards yelling, “catch you later, mate!” 

He finally fell in step beside you, his shoulder bumping yours as he nudged you to the middle of the path you were walking on.

“Well, hi there,” you smiled, trying your best to keep your hands to yourself and not tangle with his - no feelings, you’d agreed. 

“Hi there?” he questioned with a scoff, “that’s all you’ve got?” 

“What can I say?” you asked, keeping your smirk to yourself, “guess I’m just quiet.” 

“That you are, love,” he said, catching your smirk as it snuck its way out, “always have been.” His eyes darkened as he asked, “so, where are you headed?” 

“Home,” you answered with a genuine smile, “I finished my last test… I’ve got nowhere to be until tomorrow, how ever will I fill the time?” 

“I’ll help you fill something alright,” he growled, placing a hand on your lower back and pushing you to walk a little faster. 

You were soon just down the street from your apartment when an idea popped into your head, “hey Harry?” 

“Love?” 

“Last one there’s on top,” you said quickly, then took off running toward your apartment. 

He laughed loudly behind you, before jogging to catch up. He honestly didn’t know if he wanted to win or lose, more than happy to have you either way. And if he’s being really honest, he hadn’t exactly pictured any topping happening between the two of you… he didn’t even think you’d make it out of the entryway, when you got there.

He decided to let you win, stepping up right behind you as you touch the door. His hands come to rest on your hips and his face drops forward into your neck. He plants a sweet kiss against the skin there before his lips find your ear, “congratulations,” he whispers. 

You giggle and shiver at the sensation, fishing out your keys and opening the door.

The both of you stumble into the hallway and you drop your things off just inside the front door. He slips off his shoes immediately and peels off his hoodie. 

“Can I get you anything?” you ask gently, as you hang your coat on the hook.

“Just you,” he smiles, his cockiness returning at full force, “and if I remember correctly, I’m on top…” 

You giggle and feel your cheeks heating up, suddenly aware of your boldness earlier, not that you hadn’t meant everything you’d said. 

He rushed towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist and sliding in as close as possible. He kissed at your neck again, brushing your hair behind your shoulders, “so uh, bed or couch?” 

“Wherever you want.” 

“Ah, dealer’s choice, eh?” he chuckles, dropping his hands to the backs of your thighs and scooping you up. 

He carried you down the hallway to your bedroom while you giggled in his ear, “so I guess you picked the bed.” 

He tossed you on the bed with a laugh, “that I did, love.” 

He quickly peeled his shirt over his head, dropping his shorts next and kicking off his socks.

“Not wasting any time either I see,” you teased him. 

“What happened to being quiet?” he chuckled, teasing you right back.

“Just can’t decide what you want today, can you?” you giggle, starting to peel off your leggings. 

He laughed, climbing between your legs and helping you to pull them and your fuzzy socks off, “it really wasn’t that cold out there,” he laughed.

“You were running! Playing soccer! That makes a difference!” 

“Alright, alright,” he laughed, “arms up.” 

You did as you were told and let him pull your sweater over your head. Thank god you’d put on your cute bra this morning… 

He smiled as your face came into view again, a glint in his eye as always; this time, however, you were picking up on a little something more. There was something in there you hadn’t seen before and you couldn’t quite put your tongue on it. 

He drank in your figure a little before slipping his finger under your bra strap and slowly sliding it down your shoulder. You nodded gently, knowing that he was asking for permission; he may be a frat boy but he’s always been much more gentlemanly than you’d expected one to be and you were eternally grateful for that.

He smiled as you reached around to unhook your bra and let him remove it from your body. He laid you down quickly, coming to straddle your hips as his mouth finally found yours.

He kissed you hard, his tongue poking out to swipe against your lips instantly. You let him explore your mouth happily, taking the time to run your hands along his back; you pressed your fingers into his shoulder blades, soothing the muscles there. He moaned in your mouth at the tiny massage, pulling back a second to whisper, “you’re good at that,” before continuing his exploration. Your hands smoothed down towards his boxers, playing with the band gently and he took the hint, pulling away again to quip, “who’s not wasting time now?”

You giggled, and he sat up to take off his last article of clothing. He slid in between your knees and slipped his thumbs in the waistband of your panites as well. 

“You too?” he asked.

You nodded and lifted your hips to help him take them off; they were quickly discarded on top of the pile next to his.

“Guess my quiet girl is back…” he smiled, hovering over you once again.

You giggled in response, your hands finding his backside and gently pulling him closer to you.

He laughed at your antics, “easy tiger, gotta get something first.”

You let out a breath and reached over into your nightstand to pull out a condom. He sat up the smallest bit and let you roll the rubber down his shaft. 

Once all the business was taken care of, he smiled at you again and settled into place. 

He spread your legs wider, bending your knees in towards your chest so he could settle between; “there we go,” he whispered as you gripped the backs of your thighs to hold them in place. 

You rolled your eyes at his cockiness, but you knew that without it, he wouldn’t be Harry.

He grabbed his cock in his hand, pumping a few times and lining up at your entrance; he tapped the head against your clit twice, causing you to jerk upwards. 

He laughed as a whimper fell from your lips; he started to run the head along your folds, partly to tease you and partly to make sure you were wet enough to take him without much foreplay. 

You whined a little bit, starting to rock your hips against his for more friction. He took your hint, chuckling and lining up with your entrance again.

“If it’s too much, let me know,” he whispered.

You scoffed, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck and pulling him forward so his face is inches from yours, “get on with it, Holland,” you whispered into his mouth before attaching your lips to his. 

He smirked into the kiss, but obliged your request and pushed into you slowly. 

He pressed in fully, settling his hips flush to yours. He let a deep breath out against your lips as he pulled away. 

You let out a quiet moan, your head lolling back, and eyes remaining closed. 

He chuckled against your skin, pecking a kiss on your shoulder; one of his hands found its way to your face, brushing your hair back. “Hey,” he whispered gently.

You opened your eyes slowly, finding his gleaming back at you, “hmm,” you answered.

“Doin’ okay, love?” he asked in a whisper.

“Yeah, just need half a second,” you huffed out with a laugh. 

“Alright,” he smiled, his fingers still brushing at your hair, “let me know.” 

You smiled at him, your eyes fluttering closed again for a second as you took in a deep breath. He rested inside of you, waiting for the go ahead. 

His eyes scanned over your face, taking in every detail of you. 

“Go on,” you whispered, eyes finally popping open again. 

He moved his hand away from your face, resting it beside your head for better leverage. He pulled out slowly, before sinking back in with a snap.

You moaned lightly, relishing in the feeling of him against you again. 

“You know,” he laughed gently, “you can be louder than that,” he smiled cockily. 

You let out a breath of air with a small laugh in response, “make me.” 

He growled at that, bending forward the rest of the way and nipping at the skin of your neck gently. 

“Trust me, love, I will.” 

He pulled his hips back, almost the entirety of his length slipping out of you, before he slammed in again with fervor. He set a punishing pace, snapping his hips to yours harshly and pulling moan after moan from your mouth. His fingers started toying with your clit quickly, pulling you so much closer to your first orgasm. 

You moaned again and again, getting louder with each thrust. A series of “Harry,” and “oh my god,” and “just like that,” falling from your lips.

He slowed his pace after a while, easing his length in and out of you, his fingers still working their magic on your bundle of nerves; he sat back on his knees, looking down over you. You found his eyes again as he said, “there’s the sounds I was looking for,” and dropped you a wink. 

You giggled for a half a second before he hit that spot in you just right and at exactly the same time his fingers strummed over that special spot. All of that combined sent you skyrocketing over the edge.

You let out your loudest moan as he slowly pumped you through your orgasm. He pulled one of your legs up to rest on top of his shoulder; he watched you with that glint in his eye for who knows how long while you came back to center. When you finally opened your eyes again, he pressed a kiss to your shin.

You smiled up at him, feeling something more for a second. His little peck wasn’t something he’s ever done before, but you secretly had been dying for. You only got to think about it for a few seconds before he hit your spot just right again, pulling another moan from your mouth as you started towards your second orgasm. 

He smiled again looking over you, “already going for a second there are you?” 

You rolled your eyes again and purposefully clenched around him. 

He moaned loudly, getting close to finishing, “not fair, darling.” 

You laughed at him, “finish it then.”

He pulled your other leg over his other shoulder, leaning forward and balancing his weight on his hands next to your head. He picked up the pace again, this time working back up to the one you’d had before. 

“Rub your clit, baby, c’mon,” he breathed against your skin, his face buried in the crook of your neck.

You snaked your hand between your bodies, doing exactly as he asked. The added stimulation bringing you to the edge again quickly. 

“C’mon, almost there?” he asked, “can’t hold it much longer…”

You moaned in his ear, “just a little more... please don’t stop, Har...” 

He sunk his teeth into your neck to try and ground himself and stave off his orgasm just a little longer.

His mark on your skin sent you falling over the edge, moaning in his ear again and clawing at his back with your free hand.

He fell over as well, feeling your nails in his skin, panting in his ear, and your walls gripping him tighter than ever before. His lips found yours again, locking them together and sealing you both into the moment. 

He gradually brought the both of you down from your highs, slowing his hips to a stop. 

You stayed moulded like that for a few minutes, relishing in each others’ tastes and calming your senses. You gently removed your hand from yourself, placing it on the small of his back and pulling his body just that much closer to yours. He pulled away from the kiss gently, finding your eyes again.

You breathed deeply, moving to brush a few stray curls off his forehead; you searched his eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking as there was that hint of something you’re unfamiliar with in there. 

You stayed like that for a few minutes - just looking at each other, both of you trying to talk with your eyes. 

Before too long, you needed to move, “pull out please?” you asked, starting to get uncomfortable with him still inside you.

He hurried to oblige, whispering, “sorry, love,” and stepping off of you. 

He padded into the bathroom and discarded the condom; he grabbed a cloth from the cabinet, wetting it and bringing it back to clean you up. He took care of that, then hung it over the side of the tub to dry and headed back to your room. You smiled as he entered, sitting up to put some clothes on again as you shivered. 

He stepped into his shorts again, slipping on his shirt. He raced to the door again, grabbing his hoodie and bringing it back to you. You’d just stepped into fresh panties when he came through the door; he brought it in and slipped it over your head. 

He pulled your hair out the back, brushing it flat and off your face again.

“Hi,” he whispered, his hands cupping your cheeks.

“What’s up with you?” you asked with a smile, enjoying this very boyfriend-y behavior. If you’re being honest with yourself, you’d started falling for him a while ago, wishing that he would finally ask for more than sex, but you weren’t putting your eggs in that basket and letting yourself get too attached yet. 

“Would you want to have dinner with me?” he asked bluntly, sliding his hands down your arms and tangling with yours. 

You blushed at the invitation, finally getting what you’d been hoping for, “I would love to have dinner with you.”

Taglist:  @a-daydreamers-day @spider-barnes @hogwartsmarvelmommy @tulipholland @harryhollandsgirlfriend @cupids-crystals @sunwardsss @bvttercupbby @mcushvft @elishi03 @golden-hoax @mistakenpersonn @cedricdiggorysimpp @multixfandomwriter @wildxwidow @petesrparker @delightfulmuffinclamauthor @ambinxe 

Bonus tag: @thegirlintheswivelchair