#Lex: am I really about to pull a Wayne and adopt him?
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moonlightcycle571 ¡ 5 months ago
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I need Joker to fear Captain Marvel so dam badly. Let me explain.
So we know how we, as a community, all accepted that Billy Batson / Captain Marvel is the most egregious Tax Evader of DC (for this who don’t know, there was a whole poll and our boy Billy won out of literally everyone, including supervillains).
And in the Batman Cartoon (and some comics), it’s stated that Joker is terrified of the IRS.
I think you see the picture.
Joker: I may be crazy enough to fight Batman, but I am NOT crazy enough to deal with the IRS
Captain Marvel: lol imagine doing your taxes
Everyone present: w h a t
*clip goes viral*
IRS Agent: So, Captain Marvel was it? According to this footage, you have no been paying your taxes
Marvel: prove it.
IRS Agent: What?
Marvel: to make me pay anything, you need to know who I am and what’s to pay. I got nothing to pay.
IRS Agent: that’s not-
Marvel: not even Batman knows who or what I am. For all you know, I could be living in a multidimensional rock situated in, quite literally, the middle of nowhere.
IRS Agent: …
IRS Agent: I- w h a t
*some time later*
IRS AGENT: YOU BORE A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO LATE CC BATSON. SOMEONE WHO HASNT PAID TAXES IN 70 YEARS! YOU OWE US TAXES
Marvel: no I’m not
IRS Agent: Don’t try-
Marvel, holding the lasso of truth: I am not CC Batson, I don’t owe you shit. Plus he’s totes dead so can’t be me.
IRS Agent: DAMMIT
Joker: This mofo is crazy! Crazy? I was crazy onc-
*later*
IRS Agent, in Fawcette: why is none telling me anything!!!! You, Child, what do you know of your local hero?
Itty Bitty Billy Batson: lmao aren’t you that Agent harassing Cap
IRS Agent: it’s not harassment if he owes the government taxes
Billy: good luck taxing anyone in Fawcette lmao, magic doesn’t give a shit about that. Also we have different currency’s that just switches on random basis. So unless the government takes Drachmas, you’re cooked
IRS Agent, on the verge of tears: this has never happened before
Lex Luthor: WRITE THAT DOWN WRTE THAT DOWN
Bonus:
Billy: you know, I know someone who has been commuting tax evasion, tax fraud and more charges. His name is Ebenezer Batson. That’s E B E N Z E R and he lives just outside of Fawcette. Can’t miss him.
IRS Agent, who has a fridge with ‘CC Batson’ and is more than happy to get old man prey: thanks kid
Bonus 2:
Billy: Sweet, the IRS put my uncle in jail and the police gave me back my inheritance. Now to convert this into Fawcette currency (they will not be taxing this money)
Joker, visibly weeps
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lady-literature ¡ 4 years ago
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Found Family
holy shit did this one get way out of hand. Don’t expect them all to be this long because hot damn this is a monster compared to literally everything else but it just wouldn’t stop
(should I have expected this? probably. we all know how I am about found family.)
anyway enjoy 4.5k words ig
based on this post | @maribatmarch-2k21 | find more here
***
When Marinette had been chosen to intern with Monsieur Wayne’s PA, she hadn’t been expecting anything special. Sure, the Waynes were an odd breed and generally considered strange, but Marinette hadn’t actually expected to have much contact with them—if any at all.
She was here to earn credit for her business degree.
Instead, she has… well. She thinks she’s been somehow inducted into the Wayne family, mostly on accident and kind of as a joke.
That is, until it very much wasn’t.
***
Her first mistake, she supposes, was being too good at her job.
Marinette is an old hand at keeping track of multiple moving parts and riding herd on stubborn people who’d otherwise be too distracted or goofing off. (She was the Court’s leader for more than just being the latest in a long line of Ladybugs, after all.)
After the first two days shadowing Selina—“please, darling. Ms Kyle is so formal”—and learning the broad strokes of the job, Marinette felt confident enough to dig her nails in and get to work. Selina spent most of her time dedicated to international tasks and arranging Monsieur Waynes’ private affairs—all of which was highly classified and not discussed with Marinette—so she turned her attention to inter-company affairs.
Her first order of business was personally meeting with as many people in managerial positions as she could get. Not a requirement for the job per se, but these were people she’d have to interact with often and Maman had always stressed the importance of building connections in the workplace.
“People,” she would say, “are far more willing to do what you want them to when you’ve endeared yourself to them.”
So Marinette takes that advice and spends her breaks and lunches charming employees and giving baked goods to security guards and learning the names of the cleaning crew. She doesn’t speak to the department heads, because Selina handles their correspondences, but everyone else is free game as far as she’s concerned.
She becomes a well-recognized face astoundingly quickly.
***
Marinette probably should’ve seen the rumors coming.
It’s common practice in not only the Wayne family, but in most business conglomerates, for the children to quickly rise through the ranks of their company—if not just handed a high position right off the bat.
It took barely a month before the eldest was all but running Human Resources, and the second was placed as Head of Security practically out of nowhere. Monsieur Drake is the youngest (and most terrifyingly calculated) CEO to ever hold Wayne Enterprises, even if he does share the title with his father.
The other three are still too young or have yet to express an interest in the company, but people say it’s only a matter of time.
The track record speaks for itself, even if Marinette wishes it didn’t.
As a girl who’d come mostly out of nowhere and found herself with far more divisive sway in the company than she had any right to, it’s no wonder everyone thinks she’s some sort of secret Wayne finally coming out of hiding.
Marinette had nearly choked on her coffee when Selina dropped the bomb of that particular tidbit of company gossip.
“Most think you’ve been unofficially adopted,” Selina tells her, looking far too amused for Marinette’s liking. “Seeing as you’re too old for official avenues now.”
Marinette looks up warily from the schedule she’s rearranging. Selina had all but shoved the thing at her a month ago when she started suggesting more efficient ways of managing the CEOs’ valuable time.
“Only most? Does that mean the rest have common sense?”
Selina’s grin widens even further, if that’s possible, and Marinette regrets her question even before the older woman starts speaking.
“Oh, of course not!” she laughs delightedly. “The rest are hoping to hear news of wedding bells. It’s high time someone swept a Wayne off the market, don’t you think?”
***
“So you’re the new little sister I keep hearing about.”
Marinette stares up through narrowed eyes at the brightly smiling Dick Grayson. In her stomach, there are already the beginnings of resignation starting to form. 
“It’s nice to finally meet you!”
This man is going to bring her nothing but trouble. She can tell.
***
Dick takes a liking to her. And she, against her better judgment, finds herself doing the same to him.
It’s a little hard not to, if she’s being honest. He’s bright and bubbly and brings her bagels during his morning break without her ever having asked.
It takes practically no time at all before Marinette considers him a friend, relaxing when he’s near and laughing openly at his ridiculous jokes. Despite being the head of HR, he’s not great at the whole ‘professional’ thing and often employees will walk by to find him draped across a chair or balancing precariously on the edge of her desk while she tries and fails to get some work done while he’s around.
It really doesn't help all of the ‘Marinette is a Wayne’ rumors running around. Especially when Dick starts pointedly calling her every variation of ‘little sister’ that he can think of just to annoy her (and, she knows, because he thinks the entire situation hilarious).
***
Three weeks after befriending Dick, Selina all but shoves her into Monsieur Drake’s office and, in no uncertain words, says, “He’s your problem now.”
Marinette blinks at what she can describe as nothing other than a disaster area and just… sighs.
Tim blinks back at her.
The motion is somehow both completely blank and filled with an uncomfortable amount of knowing at the same time. There is also, she notices, a frankly ludicrous amount of concealer caked beneath his eyes and more coffee cups scattered on every flat surface than Marinette has ever seen in her life.
She knows his schedule like the back of her hand seeing as she spends hours of her day pouring over it to make sure everything runs smoothly. He has no prior engagements for the next three hours.
“You’re not going to take a nap just because I ask, are you?”
He snorts. “Absolutely not.”
She nods, having expected the answer; her phone was already at her ear before he even finished speaking. “Hey, Dick!” she greets, sounding brighter than she feels at the moment, and watches as Tim stiffens in front of her. “Yeah, no. I was just wondering if you’re busy right now.” She pauses. “Oh, good! Can you come up to Tim’s office for me? Yeah, I need you to knock him out so I can fix his dumpster fire of an office.”
Tim has since started waving his hands frantically at her, panic setting in behind his eyes.
Marinette stares at him, unmoved. “Thanks, Dick! You’re the best!”
The silence after she hangs up is deafening.
“I don’t know if I should be impressed by the ease you’re manipulating me or pissed off that you’re doing it in the first place.”
She hums thoughtfully. “Does your decision have any bearing on my future employment?”
His eyes squint. “…No.”
Marinette shrugs, mind already whirling with what she’ll need to get done first and calculating how long she’ll likely have to get it done. “Then I think you should skip right over both of those and land on resignation as quickly as possible, Monsieur, because you’re going to have to get used to it regardless.”
It’s silent for a long moment, and she worries for just a second that she’s severely crossed some sort of line. Then Tim bursts out laughing instead of, you know, firing her like he probably should have.
“Oh, yeah. You’re going to fit right in here.”
Marinette doesn’t ask where the ‘here’ is. She’s pretty sure she already knows.
***
It takes ten days for Marinette to wrangle Tim’s life into something resembling order. His office is clean and organized to his liking. She’s developed a system of filing so that all paperwork goes through her and is quickly sorted into ‘can be handled by Marinette’, ‘forge his signature and tell him about it later’, and ‘actually important enough to have Tim read through’.
His schedule is the most efficient it’s ever been and Marinette is quickly honing the skill of getting him properly dressed and out of his office in under thirty minutes. (Dick is, thankfully, a great teacher and has little to no qualms about giving her the key to all his little brother’s weaknesses.)
Selina stares at her when Marinette all but drags Tim from his office, a folder tucked neatly under his arm and the sugary monstrosity of a caffeinated beverage she’s bribed him with in her own, with a whole ten minutes to spare before his meeting with the Board.
“My dear,” she says solemnly, “you are positively magic.”
She doesn’t even look up from where she’s simultaneously wrangling Tim’s hair into submission and laying his tie down flat. “You have no idea.”
***
She knows Tim is capable of professionality. She’s seen the cool facade he pulls up in front of the Board members and the kind but impersonal smile he uses on the employees of Wayne Enterprises. (He is not the Ice Prince of the Wayne family, but Marinette believes he should have some equally ruthless sounding title.) He is aloof and sharp and every inch the businessman people praise him to be.
She’s seen it. And yet… 
“Monsieur. Why are all the Lexcorp contracts I gave you done in crayon?”
Tim doesn’t stop messing with his Rubix cube or even look up at her when he says, “Cause deadbeat fathers don’t deserve the respect of a pen.”
Marinette is very tired. She does not have time for this. “What are you talking about?”
“Lex is a bitchass absentee dad and I live to inconvenience him.”
“What about inconveniencing me?” she all but whines. “I can’t hand him these!”
That does make Tim look up at her, eyes wide with false innocence and mouth pouting up at her. “But sister dearest, I’m your little brother. It’s my job to inconvenience you.”
Growling in frustration is probably an inappropriate reaction to the situation.
But, Marinette thinks, so is the fact that both of the Waynes she associates with regularly seem hellbent on convincing the world that she too, is a Wayne, so.
(Is this how Alya felt dealing with the twins? Cause if so, Marinette takes back every joke she ever made—little siblings are a bitch.)
***
She meets Damian without warning.
Honestly, she never really expected to meet him at all but, well.
She finds him in Monsieur Wayne’s office, sitting at his father’s desk and doing something that she thinks is vaguely illegal, but she’s not about to tell her Boss a dozen times over how to parent his children.
Damian is a near-perfect copy of his father with darker skin and calculating green eyes. There’s also a more potent aura of danger around the child than there is around his father, like Damian hasn’t yet learned how to hide behind his public persona as his father had.
Or, Marinette looks at the teen thoughtfully, perhaps he just chooses not to.
“Monsieur Wayne,” she greets. Children like to be treated like adults, she knows, and Marinette doesn’t think this one is any different. “Selina hadn’t told me you’d be in the office today.”
“I don’t run my schedule by her,” he says flatly. A response she expected considering Dick’s stories.
“Of course not,” she agrees.
He finally deigns to look up at her and something flits across his expression, too fast for her to pick up on it. “Are those for Father? Bring them here, I’ll deal with them in his absence.”
Marinette raises her eyebrow. “I’m not sure that’s wise Monsieur.”
Damian scowls and sticks his hand out. “I’m perfectly capable of forging Father’s signature. Give them here.”
She does not move and, instead, lets her lips quirk up into the smile she’s been fighting since she stepped in here.
“I don’t doubt it,” she tells him, and she doesn't. Forgery seems exactly like the kind of skill a child who broke into the CEO’s office of a multi-billion dollar company would have. “But you’ll find that all forging of signatures has been finished for the day and that these,” she shakes the sheaf of papers lightly, “actually require your father’s attention.”
He snorts disbelievingly and it says a lot about Marinette’s life up until now that the blatant display of disrespect doesn’t piss her off but instead reminds her of Chloé and of the fact that she still needs to reschedule their spa day. It's been too long since they spent time together in person.
“Well,” she pauses and eyes the papers thoughtfully. “‘Requires’ in the sense that its information needed to trounce the Board when they start spouting off greedy bullshit about cutting corners on our humanitarian efforts. I’m not sure how much of it is actually useful for anything besides that.” She shrugs. “But homework is homework, yes?”
That gets her a thoughtful once-over. His hand lowers and he then turns back to whatever he’s messing with on his father’s computers.
“Very well,” he concedes. “Father will be back in approximately thirteen minutes. You can leave the papers and I’ll inform him of their… importance.” He smirks, but it’s more like he’s letting her in on a joke than anything else.
Marinette smiles back as she sets the folder on the desk, feeling, oddly, like she’s passed some sort of test.
***
The day after, both Dick and Tim are waiting for her with what looks like an entire bakery laid out in her workspace.
“Uh,” she says eloquently, setting her purse down on her chair because there’s not a single open space on her desk not filled with some kind of pastry. “What’s all this?”
She looks up to find neither Dick nor Tim has stopped staring at her since she walked in. “We heard you met Damian yesterday,” Dick starts warily, like he’s scared of her reaction.
The response does not abate her confusion. 
“Yes, I did,” she says slowly. “That does not explain all… this.” She waves a hand, trying to encompass them as well as the state her desk is in.
The two brothers share a look.
“It’s a bribe,” Tim tells her simply and Marinette is taken aback for all of a second before her eyes suddenly narrow.
Dick cuts in hastily before she can say anything. “It’s more of an apology, really. For Damian’s behavior.”
But Marinette is confused and frustrated and just a bit offended by the apparent not-bribe at this point. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, but it only does so much.
“Damain’s behavior was fine,” she tells them with measured neutrality. “You two, on the other hand, are being weird and it’s freaking me out.” She crosses her arms expectantly. “Seriously, what’s going on?”
Appearing from out of nowhere, Selina drapes herself along Marinette’s shoulders and snags a raspberry scone. “I do believe,” she says as if sharing a secret, “That they are trying to keep you from quitting, kitten.”
Marinette wrinkles her nose. “Why would I quit? I like this job.”
She also likes the Waynes (in general, if not right then) and she likes Selina. The woman was a good mentor who didn’t shy away from the dirtier parts of the job and taught Marinette all she knew. (Even the bits, she noticed, that had little to nothing to do with being a personal assistant and were more likely to be found in the repertoire of a thief.
But, Marinette is in possession of her own sticky fingers and knows how to not ask questions, so. You know—curiosity killed the cat and all.)
She doesn’t voice any of that, but Selina, at least, knows it anyway. Marinette isn’t quiet about her gratitude after all.
“First meetings with the youngest Wayne don’t often go well,” Selina tells her. “In fact, I think he has a habit of making the interns cry.”
Dick makes some kind of offended noise. “Hey! He hasn’t done that since he was twelve!”
Tim elbows him in the ribs and Marinette makes a vaguely skeptical face at all three of them before deciding it wasn’t worth it. She has actual work to get done today and pastries to get rid of before she can even start.
She pats affectionately at Selina’s hand before grabbing as many boxes as she can hold. “Come on you two,” she says to the brothers. “You’re going to help me hand these out to the rest of the company.”
Dick immediately starts doing as told but Tim hesitates, humming thoughtfully. “You know that’s not going to help your whole ‘I’m not actually a Wayne’ thing, right?”
She glares at him. It doesn’t stop Tim from grinning like the utterly unrepentant little shit he is.
***
Things are quiet after the Damian Incident for a whole two weeks. It’s the longest lull Marinette has had since she first started and became somehow involved with the Waynes.
It ends because Dick finds out about the crush Marinette has been nursing on the Head of Security for three months now.
The Head of Security who is Jason Todd: second eldest Wayne sibling and Dick’s brother.
He takes it better than expected.
(Almost, she thinks later, a little too well.)
***
Despite her friendship with Dick and Tim—or perhaps because of it?—Jason had never seemed very interested in her. At first, Marinette had shrugged and counted it as a win; there was one Wayne, at least, who neither found her situation funny nor used it to poke fun at her.
They were on friendly terms, she supposed. Security has always been one of her more regular stops in the building, so she’d spoken to him often enough. He liked complaining that she spoiled his team rotten with all her treats.
But she also noticed that he likes her cherry danishes, so.
And then she noticed how crooked his grin was when he smiled. And how he seemed to have an arsenal of nicknames for everyone he knew. And the small collection of classic romance novels filled with sticky notes he tries and fails to hide in his desk. And, and, and.
It was around the time she began unconsciously memorizing his schedule based on when he was and was not there for her pastry deliveries, that she realized she may have made a misstep somewhere.
Jason was stubborn and passionate and flipped between overly proper and crass light a damn light switch. He was also, as stated, very much not interested in her.
Not that she would’ve pursued him anyway. He was a coworker as well as her friends’ brother.
Now if only one of said brothers could understand that.
“You should ask him out,” Dick suggests not for the first time and Marinette sighs, also not for the first time.
She loves Dick—she truly does—but he has been an aggravating level of unhelpful since he found out about Marinette’s latest romantic disaster.
“I’m definitely not doing that.”
Dick groans, like she’s being the unreasonable one. “Why are you being so stubborn about this?”
“Because I don’t like embarrassing myself?” she asks rhetorically. “Not everyone can have a fairy tale romance like you and Wally.”
He throws his coffee stirrer at her. “We are not a fairy tale.”
She shoots him a flat look. She’s heard Dick talk about Wally and Tim’s told her all the stories and she was there when he and Wally finally got their shit together. Dick was unbearable for an entire week with his gooey, lovestruck new lease on life.
“You two are the definition of fairy tale. You two make fairy tales look like trashy romance novels.”
He opens his mouth to argue the point before forcibly cutting himself off. “No. Stop distracting me. We’re not talking about that; we’re talking about you and Jason.”
“There is no ‘me and Jason’,” she reminds him through her clenched teeth.
“Not yet,” he says optimistically. Like it’s a fact, like he knows something she doesn’t.
He makes her want to slam her face into a wall. Truly, he does.
***
Dick stops running his HR papers up to her office. Instead, he’s somehow convinced Jason to play errand boy for him even though he literally never looks happy about it. What used to be a flimsy excuse for Dick to slack off for a few minutes and gossip with her has now turned into awkward silence as Jason drops off the papers and leaves without even a ‘hello’.
During their shared breaks, Dick takes to orchestrating ‘chance encounters’ between her and Jason, all but shoving them into each other (and even actually shoving that one time).  She catches Jason shooting dark looks at Dick every time he does it, and if she’d been holding any iota of hope at this point, it’s been smashed to dust. Jason obviously knows of his brother’s meddling and isn’t happy about it.
But Dick just can’t take the hint.
Every failed plan of his makes him steadily worse about it all—more frantic and frustrated and like he wants to strangle her for her stubbornness. (The last feeling being more than mutual.)
Dick’s meddling starts to make her and Jason’s previously friendly, if distant, relationship awkward and embarrassing. With every pointed comment, she gets closer to just punching Dick in the face. Or, maybe, she’ll just tell Wally who really ate all the chocolate strawberry macaroons she made; it’d certainly be more devastating.
***
It all comes to head on a Thursday, after most employees have left for the day. 
They run into each other in a breakroom, and she watches as Jason suddenly goes stiff, eyes flicking over her shoulder to no doubt scan for Dick. That single action makes her expression sour and she slams her empty mug down with more force than was necessary.
For Kwamis sake, he looks like a cornered animal. An image not helped by the way he jumps a foot in the air and stares at her like he’s worried she’ll suddenly lunge at him.
“Can we agree this is ridiculous?” she says abruptly. “I don’t know what Dick is trying to accomplish with his wingman schtick, but we both know it’s not going to work. Can we just… agree that he’s an idiot?”
A complicated look crosses Jason’s face before he snorts wryly. “Yeah, we can agree on that. Dickie-boy has always been a few sandwiches short a picnic.”
“I know things have been awkward between us lately, and I’m sorry about that, but I hope we can keep being friends?” she says hopefully.
“What in the world do you have to be sorry about?” he asks before she can start catastrophizing about the bewildered expression he makes at her words. “It’s not your fault.”
The smile she shoots him is rueful and she shakes her hand in an ‘ehh’ type gesture. “Kinda is. And I understand if the-” she makes a vague gesture between them that she hopes properly conveys ‘my giant, stupid crush on you’, “you know, is too much for you. Just say the word I’ll try and keep out of your way.”
She’s trying to be comforting or understanding or something like that, but all her words seem to do is make him upset. “Absolutely not,” he insists. “Sunshine, you are not going to change your routine just to make me feel better.”
Marinette crosses her arms, frowning up at him. “Why shouldn’t I? If I’m making you uncomfortable-”
He makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat. “Uncomfort- Marinette. ” She jolts a bit at the use of her name. She doesn’t think he’s used it since her second week at W.E. “I’m not sure who made you think otherwise—and if it was Dick just tell me cause I’ll kick his ass —but barring the fact that I still enjoy your friendship regardless of any… feelings-” Marinette concentrates very hard on not showing emotion when he says that, “-it’s not your responsibility to deal with it.”
Okay, but… that makes no sense. Of course her feelings were her responsibility, that’s the whole point of them being hers.
“If it’s not mine, then whose responsibility is it then?” she asks, wondering where the hell his train of thought is running.
“Mine, obviously.”
She gives him a look, complete with narrowed eyes and thinly veiled judgment. “What? Is this some kind of gentleman’s martyr complex? Is that what’s happening right now?”
Jason huffs a laugh, but there’s no humor in the sound. “If me taking responsibility for my own damn feelings is a martyr complex then sure,” he snarks, not unkindly. More like he’s trying to protect himself by retreating behind a sour attitude.
Her mouth is halfway around a retort when his words catch up to her brain and she freezes.
“Your feelings?” she repeats. “Your feelings for… me?”
His voice is carefully neutral when he says, “Those would be the ones.”
Her mouth opens and closes and opens again. “You like me? Seriously?”
His face spasms at the question, starting at anger before he properly looks at her and the surprised expression on her face. He pales.
“You didn’t know?”
“No!” she squeaks, something she hasn’t done since she was fifteen. “Well Dick said but I didn’t believe him!”
And fuck, she thinks. This means Dick knew the whole damn time, didn’t he? Oh, she is so going to kill him the second she gets the chance.
Jason runs a hand down his face, covering his mouth as he gathers his bearings. Suddenly, his eyes shoot back open and land on her. “Wait. If you didn't know, then what the hell were you talking about just now?”
She blushes to the tips of her ears and buries her face in her hands so she doesn’t have to look at him. It was easy when she thought he’d figured it out himself. It’s harder now that she has to tell him. “I- I was talking about my crush on you.”
He’s quiet for so long that she gets antsy and peeks out from behind her fingers to see his expression. He’s still looking at her, but now there’s a wide, crooked smile on his face. The expression softens something in her chest and she lowers her hands.
“Really?” he asks, leaning closer.
Marinette nods, feeling a small smile spread across her lips.
He jolts forward, hands reaching for her before suddenly stopping just shy of touching. She startles a bit at the motion but doesn’t move away.
Jason licks his lips, smile smaller but no less bright. “I- can I?”
She blinks. “Can you what?”
“Kiss you.”
The blush returns full force, but with it also comes a smile, giddy and bright. She nods and no sooner than she does, is he swooping down to pull her into a toe-curling kiss. His hands cup her face with a tenderness that makes her smile, makes her giddy, and it’s not long before they’re both smiling too wide to actually kiss and are forced to break apart.
His hands fall to her back, practically engulfing her, and his chin drops onto her head. It’s warm and cozy and she thinks she could so very easily get used to this.
Later, they’re going to have to deal with Dick and Tim and Selina and the teasing they’ll no doubt have to endure—not to mention how much worse the rumors are going to get—but right now? Right now Marinette pulls Jason back down for another kiss and very pointedly doesn’t think about it.
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creatureofmystry ¡ 4 years ago
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MLB x DC Universe Headcannons
I just love the idea of MLB and DC (expecially Batfam cuz Mari is such a Wayne) being in the same universe and crossing over. So one night, I just had an idea overload of different ways the Marinette would know the batfam/be a part of the DC universe. And if any of my shitty ideas somehow inspire or prompt you, then please be my guest. 😊 _
1) “Ladybugs of Past and Present”
Hippolyta, Wonder Woman’s mother, was once a previous holder of the ladybug miraculous. When Fu activated the miraculous and put them in circulation, Hippolyta could feel its magic waking back up. Knowing there must a reason for it to be out, she sent a message to her daughter. Diana searched, finding Marinette and Adrien as the present holders of the ladybug and cat miraculous. She vouched and brought them into the Young Justice program while they also made their own team, Project: Zodiac (or something like that).
[Sometime when Diana takes Marinette to meet Hippolyta]
“Great Hera, Tikki, you have not aged a day” -Hippolyta, cause she does know how to make joke. 
“And I would say the same to you” -Tikki
“Mother, you can make a laugh?” -Wonder Woman, honestly a bit confused cause her mom have never not been serious before.
And Marinette is just speechless cause she’s starstruck meeting Wonder Woman’s mom AND a previous Ladybug holder.
_
2) “Rockstar Niece”
Jagged Stone is Marinette’s Sweet Uncle J. During the summers, Jagged Stone would take Mari with him on tour. HIs summer tours are throughout America, so Mari gets to sightsee the country. Jagged’s first tour that he gets to take Mari on (5-ish), he’s also booked for the annual (for whatever reason) Wayne Summer Gala. When Marinette meets the Waynes, they are so enamoured (Dick and Tim couldn’t help it) that they tell Jagged he’s always invited as a guest, Mari of course being added to the permanent guest list too. About 6 years later, Mari is practically adopted, spending the first half of her summers with Jagged, going to the Wayne Gala, then spending the rest of her summer with the Waynes. Overtime, she figured out the secrets of the family and was there to welcome Jason back from the dead (when that happens). Anyways, now 11(-ish?) Mari meets Damian and the two become good friends… after an… impressionable first meeting.
“Tch, let me guess, you’re another one of father’s adopted strays” -Dami
“YOU MUST BE DAMIAN!!! DICK TOLD ME ABOUT YOU!!” -Marinette, who just ignores what he said for a hug.
“hiiiiiiiiissssssss” -Dami, touchy with touch
“...” sprays water in his face since he decided to act like a cat.
“I say, Master Bruce, the children are getting along quite well” -Alfred
_
3) “Pen Pals” 
Jon Kent and Marinette Dupain-Cheng are part of an international pen-pal program, starting when they were very young (maybe like 4 or 5-ish, super super young) where they told each other everything (Jon can’t just say that his older bro is a clone made from Superman and Lex Luthor’s DNA, or that his dad is Superman, or that his best friend is Robin, but yea. Lois and Clark probably proofread his stuff until he’s like 9) with pictures and everything. When they’re old enough to get phones & stuff, they call, text and vid-chat along with their letters (love without blood). When Mari is maybe 9-11 (somewhere around there) she starts flying over during the summers to hangout with Jon (and his friends and big brother). While there, she meets Kon, Bat fam, and Clark (some who she already knew, some who she didn’t) & lightly hints that she knows who all they are once she figures it out (it didn’t take her long to do so). 
Now whenever she visits and is at Wayne Manor (Jon likes to have sleepovers practically every weekend) while they’re on patrol, Mari subtly messes with their minds (super subtle, they’re the world’s best detectives after all) until they finally look through the cams and see Mari giving them one of those smiles (those shit-grinning cause it’s just so hilarious how it’s gone on for so long) & and a playful wink. 
[5 seconds later]
“Mari!” “Pixie-pop!” “Angel!” “Teacup!”
“Seriously, am I the only one with a normal nickname for her?” -Tim
“Ms. Marinette would like to inform you that ‘it took you long enough’” -Alfred (who so knows that the girl has been playing them since the third night she stayed at the Wayne’s)
“Where are my adoption papers?” -Bruce (who is seriously adopting any talented black-haired child)
_
4) “Mari and Mar’i” 
When Mar’i is young, Dick and Kori take her with them to see Paris (btw, this would be during the winter). They’re strolling along through a park and lose track of Mar’i who finds Marinette (9-10 ish). Marinette comforts and distracts Mar’i while noticing the young(er) girl is Tameranian (her hair is very warm and she’s wearing significantly less layers than should be worn for a human of that age during the winter, plus that sun-kissed skin tone. She’s seen Kori in her fashion magazines (and, from time to time, on the news as an ambassador) so she easily make the connections). Dick and Kori finally spot Mar’i with Mari who introduces herself to them. Mar’i asks if she can see her “Auntinette” again and Marinette just goes “if your parents are okay with it.” Dick and Kori are totally cool with it (not many are willing to watch her and have the time to do it) so they ask Marinette if she can babysit Mar’i whenever (with good pay of course) if she’s up to it (cause she’s still pretty young). Marinette can’t say no to Mar’i’s babydoll eyes (and she’s so much easier compared to Manon, who’s only 2 rn), so of course, she says yes. 
Now Marinette is Mar’is official babysitter and sees Mar’i often whenever her parents drop her off (using zeta tubes to quickly get to Paris and back). Marinette gets treated like an honorary Wayne (cause she’s the most responsible) and gets invited to their family stuff (w/ travel pay taken care of, of course). It doesn’t take her long to realize the fact that she babysits Bruce Wayne’s & BATMAN’S granddaughter, but of course, being the responsible one she is, keeps the secret… while also playing with them via Mar’i.
[One Day]
After Marinette leaves for her plane…
“Uncle Dami!”
“Yes, Spawn?”
“Auntinette said to tell you after she left that Robin’s sut needs a major upgrade & that you look like a traffic light… whatever that’s supposed to mean.”
[Another Day]
“Uncle Jay!”
“What’s up kid?’
“Auntinette said that to let you know that Red Hood doesn’t make any sense ‘cause Red Hood wears a helmet. Not a hood.”
[The next time]
“Uncle Tim!”
Yawn. “yea?”
“Auntie told me to give you this” (pulls out super caffeinated coffee) “and that Red Robin’s cowl is a menace to all things fashion”
[Again…] 
“Daddy!”
“Yes, Starshine?”
“Auntienette said she’s proud of Nightwing’s costume ‘cause it’s one of the only in the batfam that isn’t an astro-city to the fashion society.”
_
5) “Marinette, the one who’s always getting chosen”
Before Mari became (becomes(?)) LB, she comes across a different powerful piece of jewelry, from a different order of guardians where her will of mind is not only her shield from being akumatized, but it is also what drives her powers. That’s right, Mari walks past a flea market and activates a GL ring. The guardians pick up on this activity and send Hal (it is his sector) to check it out. Hal finds the ring with Mari but it still needs the light of a GL to charge and fully work. 
[During the explanation]
“Look, kid-”
“Marinette.” 
“Look, kid, I just need to know why you have that ring.”
“You think I know? I was just walking through the market and all of a sudden, this possessed ring, if that’s even what this is, started following me, then zipped in front of my face til i held my hand up so it can put itself on my finger.” 
“Kid-”
“It’s MARINETTE. Get it wrong one more time and you’ll see why I don’t need a possessed piece of alien jewelry.” -Marinette, making sure you get her name right. “Besides, if I stole it, I would remember. I’m a klepto” -Marinette, probably holding his ring too at this point.
Hal obviously doesn’t want the wrath of the Dupain-Chengs (just the kid Marinette scares him enough), so he tells the guardians that JL will take care of most of Mari’s training (once they get her a lamp for her ring, of course) & has her take part in training at Mt. Justice with the Young Justice team and special training with the Bats. Mari does all this under the guise of an international student exchange program for Mari to stay with the Waynes (not yet knowing that it’s the bat fam) and attends G.A. Mari doesn’t do much, but it takes her 24-36 hours to know who EVERYONE is.
[the next week after settling in]
“Hey, Mars,” -Dick, in his Nightwing gear
“Hey, Di-is the GREATEST SHOW!” -Mari, changing the subject(… not really)
“How long did it take you?”
“Not as long as the Kryptonians…” -Mari, going off into a tangent (still trying to change the subject”
[When Marinette meets Tikki]
Back in Paris:
“Sooo… I’m getting powerful jewelry that gives me powers and a suit, needs to be recharged, and comes from some Order of the Guardians? What’s the difference between you and my ring?” -Marinette, who at this point is very confused as to why she keeps getting picked on for this kind of stuff. 
“One’s alien, one’s magic” -Tikki, hoping Mari will end it there & lowkey hates that the GL Corp. got to her first.
“They’re both non-human made energy sources” -Mari, cause once you’ve seen it once, you’ve seen it all before. 
“You can’t heal the Akuma without the miraculous, and there are more than just rings. Yours are earrings, there are hair clips, bracelets, necklaces and more” -Tikki, after having a minute to think
“Fine, only because you said they’re the only way to heal the, what was it again, akuma?”
_
6) “Their Unofficial Official Barista”
Part of Tim’s job as Co-CEO, is to make sure all the branches are running smoothly, sometimes that means he has to fly abroad to manually check in. Tim goes to Paris to check on the W.E. Paris branch. He goes to a nearby Patisserie (Tom and Sabine’s) to see a young Marinette (somewhere from 8-11) drawing in her sketchbook at the counter. She explains that her parents are at a catering event, but she’s there to man the little bakery. Tim asks for a super caffeinated coffee and Marinette makes it with ease, claiming it was on the house with how bad he looks (and how much sleep the man clearly needs). Tim begs for her knowledge and asks if she can teach his butler. Mari’s willing to show him the next time he comes, so he gets the whole fam to go (viz tubes so they don’t waste time) maybe a week later. Everyone gets their own drink (plus a free pastries) and Marinette teaches Alfred her coffee, but it’s just not the same so Tim, using the tubes, goes to get coffee from the girl whenever he can. 
Mari is horrible at getting up on time (the life of an insomniac, never getting to sleep even if you want and then barely waking up on time) that she is up super early, makes Tim his coffee (plus a croissant) and tries to go back to sleep (making her inevitably late). Tim would walk up to the pick-up counter where his cup and to-go bag is while Marinette runs out of the house to get to school. Eventually, the rest of the Batfam (as well as the Laegue, TT, and YJ) frequent the place, slowly becoming (Dami too) Mari hides it, but she knew all the batfam the first day they came and she showed Alfred how to make the coffee. When the others start making more regular appearances, she learns the identities of YJ team, WW, GLs, and others. Obviously when LB and CN appear as heroes with HM as their villain, they immediately reach out to help. Because 1. Batfam clearly notices that it’s Mari and they sure as heck won’t let her deal with that by herself, and 2. The JL is worrying too much about their favorite barista (even though she’s not really one), especially with the Gigantitan scare. So, of course LB & CN (can’t make him bad everytime) get inducted into YJ.
[After Ladybug finishes defeating Gigantitan and detransforms] 
“Bean! Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?” -Tim, being an even more protective older brother than Dick, which shouldn’t be possible
“Yes, I promise. I’m fine” -Marinette, who just accepts the fact that she’s adopted an older brother (and his famliy)
“Tube over, we’ll have Alfred make sure” -Dick, already pulling out the medical supplies for Alfred.
“I-” 
“You shouldn’t worry your brothers like that, Marinette. Now come over so Alfred can clear you,” -Bruce, who just happens to overhear the conversation
“I’m sorry, Miss Marinette, they are very adamant that you’re in pitch perfect health before going out again,” -Alfred, who’s not actually sorry
“Fine” -Marinette, accepting her fate of her adopted, protective family. 
_
7) “Thicker Than the Blood We’ve Shed”
Why is Marinette so freakishly strong? Because she was trained to be. Before she could even talk, Mari was taught to be an assassin. She and Damian were frenemies, both competing for top spot as best in the League (of Assassins). They often spared together and became rivals who pushed each other (which sounds great in that context if you forget about the fact that they’re killing people and turning it into a competition). When Damian’s care is turned over to Batsy, Mari also comes along for the ride. She implements herself into Dami’s classes at G.A. & watches him from afar. (Damian, not being an idiot, of course knows all this and knows that it’s probably for Mari to give a report to Talia.) When he becomes Robin, Mari obviously knows, but waits to see if anything drastic would happen (his care was given to the Batfam, they had already expected this to happen.) She then heard word of the bounty Talia put on Damian’s head. Marinette knew there wouldn’t be much she could do to help, but she ave Dami a warning about the upcoming situation before fleeing the country. 
From there she got to France, changed her name (it wasn’t originally Marinette, it was Shénqí, chinese for miraculous/magical (or something else if you want)), was adopted by Tom & Sabine, and left her time in the League in the past. When she received Tikki, she didn’t want to be a hero because she didn’t think she deserved it after her up-bringing. Eventually, she did become LB (being a trained assassin does help with lucky charms, considering she was taught how to kill with basically every and anything), and life was good for her. Then Rossi came.
[Gotham field trip]
While at Wayne Tower…
“How idiotic are they?” -Damian, who after reuniting with his long-lost sister-from-a-different-mister (yes, Marinette was able to convince him to say it once), can’t understand the stupidity she has to deal with.
“Are you Robin?” -Mari, who is too tired, so just goes straight into the analogy
“Yes.” -Obvious and simply is.
“Exactly” -Mari, who can’t even put a limit to the amount of thought the one brain cell the class shares doesn’t use. I mean please, the so-called “reporter” believed that the first cosplayer she saw was the actual LB when they don’t even have the same hair! And let’s not forget the origins arc, where LB’s first citizen save was Chloe.
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sparkleofpizza ¡ 5 years ago
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Being a Kent and dating a batboy - headcanon
Tim Drake
You were Clark’s adoptive daughter, he had decided to take you in after your parents left you behind;
You were Conner and Jon’s little sister;
Very overprotective over you;
You had known Tim for a very long time now, since he was Conner’s best friend and all;
You though he was very cute, not that you would admit it to anyone;
Lois knew - she knew everything, but didn’t say anything to you, letting you tell her yourself when you felt comfortable enough to;
She knew the boys would freak out if they found out, even Clark;
Lex Luthor was planning something big and bad, very bad;
Lois was out of the country for some conference she would be covering for te Daily Planet and they’d be damned if they let anything happen to you, so they did the most logic thing they could think of at the moment: send you away to stay at the Wayne Manor while they sorted things out;
You weren’t a super and although you knew how to fight they couldn’t risk you getting hurt;
 You were offended they thought you couldn’t handle yourself, but knew they were only doing it out of love;
You also wouldn’t pass up the opportunity of spending some quality time with Tim without one of your brother lurking around;
He was over the moon to know you were staying over for a while;
The both of you did everything together;
Stayed up all night working on cases;
Drank a lot of coffee;
Went on little coffee dates, not like you actually called it a date;
Watched movies and lots of tv shows;
Sparred together;
The nights Tim left for patrol were the worse, you would stay up waiting for him to come back, worried out of your mind;
I mean, your brothers and father were fighting a big threat back home, and your crush was risking his neck to save the city, it is impossible not to worry;
So one night you wrapped yourself up in one of his blankets and lied on his bed, waiting for him to return;
Oh, when he saw you so peacefully asleep, he felt like his heart was going to explode, you were just so so so adorable;
He lied down next to you, groaning a bit since he got hurt during patrol;
You sat up, eyes wide open when you heard that sound, turning around and grabbing his face in between your hands;
“Are you hurt?” You asked, way too serious “It’s just a broken rib” He smiled at you, leaning in your touch
To this day you still don’t know what gotten into you, but you pressed your lips against his in a heated kiss, pouring all of your emotions in it;
He obviously kissed you back;
You spend the rest of the night in each others arms, professing their love for one another;
Actually, you started to spend most of your nights like that;
And days too;
You were always in each others embrace;
You were afraid to tell your brothers and father that you and Tim were dating;
You were pretty sure Conner would freak out, you are his little sister and you’re dating his best friend;,
The both of you would sneak out a lot after you went home;
Whenever Tim was around you and your brothers or his brothers were there too, he had to fight back the urge to just wrap his arms around your waist and prep kisses all over your face;
You would sneak off a lot, not really wanting anyone to know about your relationship;
Damian was the first one to find out about you and Tim and surprisingly allowed you to tell the news to everyone when you were ready for it;
Lois knew, of course she knew, you couldn’t just get your first boyfriend who was also a vigilant and your brother’s best friend and just not tell your mother about it;
It was a chaos when everyone found out;
You and Tim were cuddling in the Cave, him working and you sitting on his lap, massaging his scalp and playing with his hair;
Conner yelled and tried to kill your boyfriend the moment he saw it;
Jon tried to kill him too, Clark was just too shocked to say something;
Bruce stood still watching the scene unfold before he tried to break them free;
Jason slid some money to Dick, loosing the bet they had placed on the both of you as Damian shook his head in shame;
The fight had escalated way too quickly;
You were so frustrated you said you would only talk to them when they learned how to behave like proper human beings and not treat you like an object of possession;
Walking alone I’m Gotham at 3 am couldn’t possibly be a good idea, but there you were, on your own only wearing a hood and not even carrying your phone with you;
You ended up with a superficial cut on your side and a bruised hand after kicking 4 thugs asses on your own;
Tim was the first to find you, pulling you into a tight embrace, but panicking once he saw some blood dripping - it was really a small cut, but he carried you to the hospital despite your protests;
Your father and brothers soon learned about where you were, they were kind of shocked that Tim thought you should get medical help when you clearly had a very superficial cut and Alfred could’ve handled it in a blink of an eye; 
That kind of made them start to change their minds about you guys relationship;
Of course it doesn’t mean that Jon and specially Conner didn’t threatened to kill Tim very slowly if he ever hurt you, and that they were always keeping an eye on you;
So secret make out sessions had to become even more secretive and silent, God you hated super hearing;
You once had to stay with your hair down for almost a week because of a hickey Tim left on your neck, and from there on you both agreed that hickeys were only allowed in the body parts that would remain covered in clothing;
Overall, dis-considering your family overprotectiveness, you were just too happy;
Tim made you happy and you loved him.
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Damian Wayne
You were Clark’s baby daughter;
Actually just two years younger than Jon, but they still treated you as a baby;
You didn’t really want to take on the mantle of being Supergirl, so you only ever did superhero activity when it was extremely important;
That being said you weren’t a big part of meeting your family vigilantes and superhero acquaintances;
You actually randomly met Damian not knowing he was your brother’s friend - you knew of him, but didn’t remember his face;
He was in Metropolis to visit Jon and they were supposed to meet at an ice cream shop, but he got lost, running into you. You being he nice person you are decided to take him there, and then once you saw your brother, you were really confused until you realized they were friends;
Damian thought you were a bit stupid, he knew who you were and you didn’t recognize him - he was just bitter that you didn’t remember his face;
You took it upon yourself to make up for the fact that you didn’t remember him, you were feeling so guilty over it;
So every time you saw Damian you would brightly smile at him and ask him how he was doing, ask him about his pets - you learned that from Jon - ask him about Robin, but he didn’t seem to want to talk;
You were sure he hated you, and that made you really sad;
You just had a minor huge crush on him;
One day you had a horrible day at school, people were mean, you failed a geometry test and it just straight up sucked to the point that literally anything could make you cry, so when you only muttered a small hello upon seeing Damian he knew something was up, and he was onto it to find out what it was;
Oh boy, once he cornered you and saw your big round sad eyes full of tears and lip quivering from trying not to cry he promised he would break every single bone of whoever had done that to you;
See, he had a crush on you too;
He started tutoring you on geometry, and you actually improved, he was done with school, but was so smart and that made you a bit more attracted to him;
Your mom, Lois, asked you about your feelings towards him, but you just brushed it off, you didn’t confirm nor denied it;
One day during one of your study dates, Damian placed his hand on your thigh, you tried to ignore it, but before you could realized it you were both kissing each other with you being lied on bed with him on top of you;
That became normal and shortly after you two were dating;
Damian wanted to make things right, so he planned a dinner with both his and yours family to announce you two were dating;
Everyone was shocked, Damian was dating? And it was you????
Jon wanted to jump up his neck and kill him, how could he date his little sister? The bro code!
Damian was unfazed and so were you, not letting anyone get in the middle of your relationship;
Clark was a bit weirded out because you were dating Bruce’s son, but he knew he was a good kid so it was ok for him, Conner thought it was odd and gave Damian a threat if he ever hurt you, Lois was over the moon; 
But they were all a bit skepitical about your relationship, everyone thought you wouldn’t last too long;
You were happy everyone took it better than expected, Jon would get there someday too, he couldn’t be mad at you both forever;
Or so you thought;
You and Damian had a date planned? Better think again, Jon is there to ruin it;
You two are making out? Better run fast because Jon is ready to punch Damian;
The truth was that he was feeling left out, Damian is his best friend and he didn’t say anything about liking you, he had to find out when you both got together, and well you’re his sister dating his best friend! It is weird for him! 
Everyone soon found out Damian meant serious business with you, the hardest and most horrible way, but they did;
You were out on the field with everyone, it was one of those times there was a big threat and you had to help out;
You were about the get shot and Damian just jumped in front of you, taking the bullet for you;
“Did you just take a bullet for me?” You yelled, kneeling down and pressing on the wound He smiled weekly at you “Of course, beloved, I couldn’t let you get hurt” You looked skeptically at him “You do realize I’m bulletproof, right?”
Jon was flipping his shit once he saw his best friend, collapsing by his side and apologizing for ever thinking he was just messing around with you, and also stating he was stupid for jumping in front of a bullet;
You stayed with Damian 24/7 during his recovery, doing everything for him and just being extra cuddly and lovely;
Jon stopped bothering you, stating he was 100% on board of you two dating, but the moment he saw you making out, Damian without a shirt and you on his lap, boy... He was traumatized.
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sqoiler ¡ 6 years ago
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spoiler: into the stephanie-verse
Lex Luthor made a multiverse machine, in order to mine Kryptonite from other dimensions. It was kinda a good idea, except the machine was faulty, and kept dragging other stuff from the multiverse into Lex’s earth as well. 
The League was dispatched to deal with the alternate versions of themselves that were brought into their Earth. Before he left, Batman assigned everyone in Gotham to guard the city from the various monsters and Rogues who roamed the city. 
Spoiler had just finished a fight with a female version of Oswald Cobblepot and was headed to Nightwing to help him deal with a pair of mischievous twins, when the air in front of her opened up and a dark shaped tumbled through. Spoiler grabbed her bo-staff and dropped into a crouch, wary. 
The shape sat up, and Spoiler absorbed the dark cape and pointy ears, the purple flashes on the suit, and the golden curls tumbling down her back. 
Spoiler met her own eyes. 
“Shit,” the other girl said, and she stood, brushing off her knees. Spoiler lowered her bo-staff and straightened, looking at herself curiously. “Did you pull me here?”
“No,” Spoiler said. “Lex Luthor made a machine….”
“Say no more,” the other girl said, and Spoiler noticed a yellow bat emblazoned on her chest. Her mouth fell open. 
“Batgirl?” she gasped. She vaguely recognized the suit from the images of the other timeline that she’d seen, months ago. 
“Yeah,” Batgirl said. “And you’re Spoiler. I haven’t been Spoiler in years, but you make it work. I like the half-mask, it’s nice.”
“Thanks,” Spoiler said, feeling a little ridiculous. “Sorry, I’ve never met an alternate version of myself before.”
“Me neither,” Batgirl admitted. “Although you always hear about it, don’t you.”
“Yeah,” Spoiler agreed. This was seriously surreal. Seeing herself--same height, a little longer hair, but standing so confidently? Spoiler blinked and told herself not to compare. They were different, after all. “So, Batgirl, huh? How’d...how’d you land that?”
“Cass gave it to me,” Batgirl said, shrugging. “When B died. But he’s back now, don’t worry.”
“Huh,” Spoiler said, and she remembered the mentions of Cass as Batgirl, too. “So where’s Babs, then?”
“You mean Babs is still Batgirl in your universe?” Batgirl asked, eyes wide. “This universe?” She gestured around them. Spoiler nodded. 
“Yeah, nobody else has ever been Batgirl,” Spoiler said. 
“That’s so fucking weird,” Batgirl said. “Babs hasn’t been Batgirl since before I started out, and that was like five years ago. You mean she didn’t get shot?”
“She did, but there was an implant,” Spoiler said. “So she’s better.”
“Wow. That’s great but--how do you survive without Oracle?” Batgirl asked. “I want my universe back.”
Spoiler agreed with her, and wondered how to put her back. Should she take her to Batman? Hm. For all the multiverse shenanigans she’d heard about, she really didn’t know how to deal with them, what the protocol was.
“Let’s go find Drake,” Spoiler said. “He just got back from a multiverse adventure.”
“Drake? Like the rapper?” 
“No, like Tim. My boyfriend? It’s his new code name.”
“Tim picked his own fucking last name? That’s so stupid,” Batgirl said, and although Spoiler agreed, she didn’t say that. Spoiler checked her trackers, and found that Drake was across the city. She got out her grapple, and Batgirl did the same. 
“Wait,” Batgirl called a minute later, when they were already in the air. They landed on the roof of the next building and Spoiler turned to her expectantly. “Did you say that he’s your boyfriend?” 
“Yeah,” Spoiler said. “Is he not?”
“Not since like, middle school!” Batgirl cried, and Spoiler rolled her eyes. 
“We don’t live in the same universe,” she reminded her. “Our Tims are probably totally different.”
“Yeah, right,” Batgirl said, and then there was a flash of purple light and Spoiler turned to face it. Two people appeared. One of them was in a purple bodysuit with a lightning bolt emblazoned on the chest, blonde hair pulled into a messy ponytail. The other was wearing fishnet tights and a leather jacket, an armored purple unitard under the jacket and a skirt over that. Her blonde hair was long, nearly to her elbows, and free-flowing. The new pair blinked at Spoiler and Batgirl. 
“Holyfuckthat’susbutBats,” the girl with the lightning bolts said, her words tipping over each other, and Spoiler said, “Before today, I’d never been involved in multiverse shenanigans, and now this!” 
She gestured at the duo. 
“I’m Dart,” the speedster-Steph said, holding out a hand. Spoiler shook it, dumbfounded. 
“I’m Canary,” the other Steph said. “Violet Canary, but generally they just call me Canary.”
“Like Red and Gold Canaries,” Dart said gleefully. 
“....No,” Canary said. “I don’t know who that is.”
“Black Canary’s partners,” Dart said, rolling her eyes. “Cass and Jason.”
“Cass and Jason are Bats,” Batgirl said. “Not Canaries.”
“Not in my world,” Dart said. “What, in your universe is everyone a Bat?”
“Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, Damian, Babs, Duke,” Spoiler rattled off.
“Duke?” Batgirl asked. 
“Yeah, none of those people are Bats in my world,” Dart said. “Dick’s a Super, Cass and Jason are Canaries, Damian’s a Lantern, Tim’s a Martian, Duke’s a Wonder, and Babs is Aquagirl. Or, well, she used to be, before the accident.”
“See?” Batgirl demanded, gesturing at Spoiler.
“I didn’t give her the implant!” Spoiler said. “It happened before I even started crime-fighting!”
“She’s not Oracle in your universe?” Canary asked, looking wildly startled. Spoiler threw her hands up. 
“Sorry that you guys landed in a garbage universe, I guess,” she said, and Dart patted her shoulder. 
“So this is your place, huh? Kinda nice,” she said. “You know, I’ve never really been in Gotham before? Not since I moved away, anyway.”
“Yeah, how the fuck are you a speedster?” Canary asked. “I’m not even a meta, and my job depends on me having superpowers.”
“I was going to ask the same question,” Batgirl said. 
“I mean, basically the same way everyone else did,” Dart said. “I made Wally tell me how he did it, who made Barry tell him how he did it, who made Jay tell him how he did it. And, uh, the rest is history.”
“But why were you with Wally--? Never mind,” Spoiler said. “We really need to find Drake.”
At Dart and Canary’s confused looks, Batgirl said in a loud whisper, “As in Tim. That’s his new codename. And yeah, we know it’s stupid.”
“Thank you, Batgirl,” Spoiler said loudly. “Let’s just go, yeah?”
“Won’t Batman snipe me?” Dart asked, and Canary asked Batgirl for a spare grapple. 
“He’s out of town,” Spoiler said. “Just follow us.”
“Sure thing,” Dart said. “Wait, what’s your codename?”
“Spoiler,” Spoiler said. “You mean you were never…?”
“I used to be Kid Flash, but never ‘Spoiler’, whoever that is,” Dart said. “Sorry.”
“Even I was Spoiler, and I’m not even a Bat,” Canary said, and Dart said, “Okay, we get it, I’m a weirdo among Stephanies. Let’s go.”
They went, and Spoiler wondered if the other Bats were also dealing with themselves. She was leading the way, which was weird, because she never led any ways. Maybe if it was just her and Tim, or something. 
Below her, Spoiler caught sight of a swarm of Clayfaces, and she had to stop. She yelled to the others to help her, and they dropped into the alley below. 
Fighting with only herself as backup was weird, Spoiler thought. Batgirl threw batarangs that had stuff inside them. Dart sped around confusing the Clayfaces and Spoiler brought her bo-staff down hard on one, but it just sloshed through his arm. Oops. 
“Cover your ears!” Canary yelled, and she threw a little device at a Clayface. It screamed, a loud noise that was what Spoiler assumed the Canary Cry sounded like. The Clayfaces barely reacted. 
From above, a dark shape descended. Spoiler could’ve cried in relief, even though she was sure it wasn’t her own Batman. 
Batman threw a device at a Clayface, which sent out some sort of signal that froze all the Clayfaces that weren’t already frozen by Batgirl’s batarangs. Icearangs? Whatever. 
Quick work was made of the Clayfaces, and then Batman led the Stephs back into the air. 
“You saved us!” Dart said. 
“Yes,” Batman said. Spoiler inspected their new friend. This Batman was shorter than Bruce, and the bat across her chest was purple. The eyes on the cowl glowed with purple light, but it was still unmistakably Batman. She had on purple lipstick, and Spoiler spotted a scar near her mouth. She knew who this was. 
“Holy shit,” Spoiler breathed, and beside her, the others seemed to come to the same conclusion. “You’re me.”
“I would argue that I’m me,” Batman said, her mouth twisting into a smirk. “But yes, I am another Stephanie Wayne.”
“Wayne?” Spoiler and Batgirl cried at the same time. 
“Fuck,” Dart said. “If that isn’t a weird last name to think of me having.” 
“It makes sense that circumstances would differ,” Canary said. “Although in my universe, I was never truly a Bat.”
“But Wayne?” Spoiler said, waving her hands. 
“Bruce actually adopted you?” Batgirl asked.
“No,” Batman said. “He left a portion of the estate to me in his will, and after I took up the mantle I changed my last name.”
“What the fuck,” Spoiler said, and Batgirl seemed of the same mind. 
“Why are you panicking? It’s not that weird,” Dart said. “And I mean, clearly you all aren’t Stephanie Allen.”
“Allen?” Batgirl repeated, her voice an octave higher.
“Sweet Jesus,” Batman said, and Spoiler pushed that image aside for examining at a later time. “The pair of you never shed ‘Brown’, didn’t you.”
“No!” Spoiler cried. 
“I’ve never even thought that was an option!” Batgirl said, sounding distraught.  
“I’ve just been daydreaming about the day Tim proposes so I can be anything besides a Brown,” Spoiler admitted.
“That’s disgusting,” Batman said. “You and Tim, really?”
“Why not?” Spoiler demanded. “Everyone seems to be of the same mind--what’s wrong with him?”
“I mean, besides that he’s an asshole?” Batgirl asked. “Uh, two words: Super. Girl.”
“I’ve never even met Supergirl,” Spoiler said, struggling to imagine herself dating Supergirl. 
“Tim’s dead,” Batman said flatly. “But I agree with Batgirl’s assessment.”
“I think Supergirl and Babs have a thing going on?” Dart said. “Maybe? But anyway I’m more of a Wonder Girl kinda gal myself.”
“Ditto,” Canary said. 
“Okay, I get it, you guys are hetero-shaming me,” Spoiler said, lifting her hands up. “For the record, I am bisexual.”
“Good,” Batman said. 
“Although, speaking of my lovely boyfriend, I should probably tell him about this….Stephplosion,” Spoiler said, waving her arms at them. She put her finger to her ear to comm Drake, but then the air folded in on itself on a roof within Spoiler’s line of sight and she saw a flash of a familiar color that made her blood boil.
“Shit,” she said. 
“What?” Dart asked. Spoiler pointed. 
“There was some….orange over there,” she said significantly. 
“Jesus fucking christ,” Batgirl said. “If I have to deal with alternate Cluemasters I’m going to slaughter someone.”
“We need to check it out,” Batman said. 
“I’m only agreeing since there’s five of us,” Canary said. 
“I haven’t seen Arthur since I was eleven and I’m not about to start now,” Dart said, and Spoiler pushed down a surge of jealousy. Batman led the way, grabbing Dart to carry her across the gap. 
They stopped at the edge of the roof and looked down at the kid--the kid!--who was sitting on the rooftop below them. 
She had on an orange skirt and shirt with blue suspenders. Her tights--also orange--were ripped and she had on orange combat boots. Her bandana was pulled down from her face to rest around her neck, and her blonde hair was in tangles. 
Spoiler stared her thirteen year old self in the face and thought about fainting. 
“What the fuck,” Batgirl said flatly. 
“Don’t hit me!” the kid cried, scrambling to her feet. She had braces, Spoiler noted dimly. “Who are you? What happened?”
“We’re in an alternate universe,” Batman said. “Something’s wrong with the multiverse.”
“Lex Luthor,” Spoiler provided, dazed. “Mining for Kryptonite. Batman--my Batman--is taking care of it.”
“Oh,” tiny, orange Steph said. “So...who are you, then?”
Batman pulled off her cowl. Her blonde hair was short and messy and her face was--old. Spoiler pegged her to be late twenties, probably. Huh. The other Stephs were all teenagers like Spoiler. 
“Stephanie,” Batman said, her real voice jarring after the modulated one was gone. “I’m you, okay?”
“In an alternate universe, I’m Batman?” the younger Steph whispered. 
“Yes,” Batman said, her voice soft and kind of tender. Spoiler wondered what experience she had with kids. She realized that she could have a Robin. “And that’s Batgirl, and Dart, and Canary, and Spoiler. We’re all you.”
“Spoiler?” the younger Steph said, her eyes wide. “Holy fuck.”
“Language,” Batman said. 
“I’m thirteen, not a child.” The younger Steph turned and pulled off her backpack. “Look!” She opened it and pulled out a homemade black bodysuit and hooded cape. “Here’s my Spoiler outfit.”
“I’m going to cry,” Batgirl said. Spoiler’s heart was doing something weird, looking at this tiny version of herself wearing Cluemaster orange. 
“Oh, yeah, well. Being Spoiler is my biggest secret,” younger Steph said, putting her costume back away. 
“Why are you dressed like that, then?” Dart asked. 
“Well,” Steph said, drawing out the word. “I thought Dad might, like, kill me if I didn’t say yes when he asked, so I’m Cluekid by day and Spoiler at night. But, uh, I’m working on bringing down the empire from the inside.”
“Empire?” Spoiler repeated. 
“Yeah, Dad’s criminal empire,” Cluekid said. “I’m taking it down.”
“Criminal empire?” Batgirl said, sounding shocked. 
“By yourself?” Batman asked, putting her cowl back on. Cluekid pulled up her bandana. 
“Yeah, it’s like...someone’s gotta do it, right?”
“Was anyone else’s Cluemaster, like, vaguely incompentent at best?” Batgirl asked, and Spoiler and Canary rose their hands. “Criminal empire, really?”
“It’s super fun that you guys weren’t Cluekid, but leave me alone about it,” Cluekid said. “My dad’s the real deal.”
“Then what’s your plan for when he finds out you betrayed him?” Batman asked. Cluekid blinked slowly. 
“Well,” she said, then she stopped. 
“You don’t have a plan,” Dart said knowingly. “I can relate.”
“No, she does,” Batman said, horrified.
“You’re just gonna let yourself die?” Spoiler asked. Cluekid shrugged, her arms going up past her head. 
“If I have to!” she cried. “Someone’s gotta take him down and I’m the only one who can!”
“Dying’s no big D,” Batgirl said. “I do it all the time.”
Everyone turned to face her. 
“I mean, once, but that’s like, more than most people do it,” she amended, and Spoiler shook her head. 
“Jesus christ,” she said. “I have to get you guys out of here. I’m going to call Drake, and we’re going to find out how to return you guys. Except maybe Cluekid, cause your universe sucks.”
“Yeah, well, your universe has people leaking into it, so it can’t be all that great,” Cluekid shot back, and Spoiler had to admit she had a point. 
While they grappled towards the other end of town, Batman carrying Cluekid and Dart running below them, Spoiler put in a call. 
“Batman,” she said. “I have five alternate versions of myself with me.”
“Five Spoilers?” her own Batman asked, his voice gruff. 
“Five Stephanies,” she corrected. “A Batgirl, a speedster, a Canary, a kid, and, well. A Batman.”
“Interesting,” Batman said. “Luthor has been apprehended and once I turn off the machine, everyone should return to normal.”
“Okay,” Spoiler said, and Batman disconnected. Spoiler stopped grappling and the group gathered around her. “According to my Batman, you guys should just...go back soon.”
“It’s been nice getting to know you,” Canary said. “Although really weird.”
“Agreed,” Dart said. “I can’t imagine being a Bat.”
“I wish that would happen to me,” Cluekid said. “But…”
“It’ll be okay, kiddo,” Batman said. 
“Hey,” Spoiler said. “Batman, do you have a Robin? You’re pretty good with kids.”
“Yeah,” Batman said, smiling. “Her name is Carrie.”
“Hell yeah,” Batgirl said, raising her hand for a fistbump. Batman obliged, and from the corner of her eye Spoiler saw the universe begin folding in on itself. 
“Damn, this is me,” Dart said, looking at the wrinkle in the air. It was tied to her leg, so not a difficult conclusion to make. “Well, it’s been nice knowing you ladies. I wish all of you every success--especially you, Lil Steph.”
“Thanks,” Cluekid said, and Spoiler nodded at Dart before she vanished in a puff of purple lightning. 
“I’m going to turn on my earplugs,” Canary said. “Who knows what’ll happen when I get back--but anyway, I’m going to be in the dark, hearing-wise.”
“Okay,” Spoiler said, a little confused, and Canary gave everyone a smile. 
“It’s been real,” she said, and then she turned on her earplugs. She signed something at them--Spoiler knew only a few signs and couldn’t keep up. Batgirl nodded thoughtfully. 
“What’d she say?” Spoiler asked. 
“Oh, I have no clue,” Batgirl said. “Come to think of it, the signs me and Cass use aren’t strictly ‘real’ sign language.”
“She said that she turns off her hearing so it’s not damaged by the canary cry,” Batman said. Everyone looked at her. “What? My brother was mute and he had to talk somehow.” 
“Brother?” Spoiler repeated, and Batman said, “Damian.”
Damian, mute? 
Damian, Steph’s brother?
“I’m leaving,” Canary said loudly, and they turned to face her. She was vanishing just like Dart, and she gave a little wave, then pointed at Batman, who was also disappearing. 
“Goodbye,” Batman said, and then she and Canary were gone, leaving Spoiler with Batgirl and Cluekid. 
“I’m gonna be real with you guys,” Cluekid said. “I know it’s only been like two minutes but seeing myself, older and with a place in the world….it’s pretty inspiring to think that in another universe I grow up to be Batman.”
“Maybe you still can,” Spoiler suggested, thinking that she didn’t like the idea of this tiny version of herself planning her own death. 
“I don’t think so,” Cluekid said, smiling sadly. 
“I’ve been through a lot of shit,” Batgirl said. “I’ve even died before. You can’t let any of that stop you, okay? You just gotta push through it.”
“Keep on coming back,” Spoiler said. 
“However long it takes,” Batgirl said. Cluekid blinked, tears welling in her eyes, and then she reached for Spoiler and Batgirl, tugging them both into a hug. 
“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you.”
“No problem,” Spoiler said, ruffling her hair, and then Cluekid was gone.
“Damn,” Batgirl said. “She says she’s inspired by us, but I’m inspired by her. She’s so brave.”
“Yeah, I know,” Spoiler said, her throat sort of rough. “Geez.”
“Well, it’s my turn next,” Batgirl said. “So, uh. Bye? I guess.”
“Have fun in your universe,” Spoiler said. “With Oracle and Supergirl.”
“Oh, I absolutely will,” Batgirl said. “Have fun with….Drake. Seriously, we give you shit, but if he’s good for you--”
“He is,” Spoiler said, trying not to think of their breakups. 
“Then that’s all there is to it, isn’t it,” Batgirl said. She grinned, and the air behind her began to fold. “Oh, what timing!”
“Goodbye, Batgirl,” Spoiler said. 
“Bye, Spoiler,” Batgirl said. “You know, it’s nice to see that somewhere out there, we’re still in the mantle we created.”
“And it’s nice to see that we’re in a mantle given to us,” Spoiler said, and Batgirl grinned. 
“Hell yeah it is,” she said, and then she was gone, and Spoiler was left alone. 
She sighed, and kept moving. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dart from here & here
canary from here
batman from here 
cluekid from here--(don’t worry--she doesn’t actually die!)
(all are my own work!) 
& then spoiler’s from rebirth and batgirl’s from preboot canon AMEN
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thefightingbull ¡ 5 years ago
Text
Irritating Bruce Wayne
@primeemeraldheiress
Another year, another Christmas, another Wayne benefit. He sighed as he returned to the bar to get a new drink. He only attended the Wayne Christmas Gala for show purposes. Lex despised the Wayne’s. There was just something so tragic and yet manufactured about them. Like anything interesting about them was only read during the most tragic times of their lives. Otherwise, they were so… phony? It really was too much.
“You must be Jason Todd?” He looked over at the sound of a familiar voice.
Oliver Queen of Star City was introducing himself to the second ward of Bruce Wayne. The boy, Jason Todd, was actually an adult. Though by the looks of him, Lex doubted he was old enough to drink. The young man was tall and well built like an athlete. He had teal blue eyes and thick black hair with a white streak running across the front of his bangs. It was an odd look, but Lex knew all about stress pigmentation. Or lack there of.
He’d learned about it while he was a teen trying to understand his own follicle challenges.
“Not interested,” The young man, Jason, replied with a roll of his pretty blue eyes.
“Nor am I,” Oliver snickered. “You’re friends with my ward, Roy Harper?”
Jason’s jaw ticked and for some reason, Lex moved to stand beside the pair. “I’ve always found it fascinating how quickly you and Bruce adopted children. Perhaps, there was some competition there?” He looked to Jason. “Being a ward yourself, I’m sure you’re aware of how competitive Oliver Queen and Bruce Wayne are.”
The irritation in Jason’s face was wiped away as he looked to Lex with a raised brow.
Oliver didn’t show any sign of curiosity though. He looked irritated, but then, that wasn’t a surprise. He and Queen weren’t exactly friends either. “Lex, I’m shocked to see you here.” The blond practically snarled.
“Oh, please. I don’t believe I’ve ever missed a Wayne Christmas Gala,” he smiled and then looked back to Jason. He was far more pleasing to look at than Oliver’s ugly, bearded mug. “Bored, Mr. Todd?”
“Why, because I’m from a poor background?” Jason growled defensively. “I’ve been part of Bruce’s family for the past eight years.”
“Actually, I assumed you were bored because you lowered yourself to speaking with Oliver Queen, even it was only for a moment,” he smirked and was pleased by Jason’s snort of laughter. It was even more gratifying when Oliver Queen walked away from them. “Also, I noticed you giving Bruce the stink-eye earlier and since I do attend so many of his functions, I know that you don’t.”
Jason blushed and then shrugged. “Okay, so I don’t like going to these things.”
“Because they bore you,” Lex smiled, making sure to drive his point home.
“Yeah,” he finally admitted. “Nothing but a bunch of old men and women asking me inane questions.”
“Ouch, perhaps I should leave you be then?” Lex suggested.
He was enjoying the small talk with the younger man. Normally, someone so young wasn’t Lex’s type. But he did match his preferences in a few other areas. He was muscular, had light eyes and dark hair. He looked good in a suit. He wasn’t the paragon of wholesomeness. The man clearly had a mean streak in him given his sense of humor. He’d also heard rumors that he was could be a ‘rough customer’ when provoked.
Jason grinned suddenly and stepped close to him. “Bruce hates you, right?”
“We don’t acknowledge the level of animosity we hold for one another, but yes. I suppose you could use the word hate. Why?”
“Help me piss him off? He’s coming this way,” the young man asked.
“What do I have to do?” he asked curiously.
“Play along,” Jason told him and then, without any warning, pulled Lex into a furious kiss.
Lex practically moaned into Jason’s mouth, surprised by the aggression of the Wayne brat. He steadied himself by grabbing on to the man’s strong, thick forearms. It didn’t take long for Bruce to settle beside them. There was a violent tug and Jason was pulled back while a very angry billionaire glared down at his son.
“Bruce, how pleasant to see you again,” Lex smiled, acting as if hadn’t been caught making out with someone half his age. “Merry Christmas.”
“Lex,” The man sneered and then turned to his son and in a very not quiet voice began to scold Jason. “You think I’m unaware of what you’re up to?”
“Hey, you don’t have to like it, B,” Jason shrugged. “But it’s my life and I’m an adult.”
Bruce’s cold blue eyes narrowed, and Lex wasn’t sure that they were arguing about Jason’s choice of partner. “This isn’t a smart move. Besides, you aren’t interested in Lex, you’re just doing this to irritate me. And even you were interested, you are not his type. You’re not compatible.”
“Mr. Wayne,” he interrupted before Jason could make his own argument. “I assure you; I am quite interested in Jason here. He’s exactly my type.”
“Well, there you have it,” Jason grinned and took Lex’s hand. “Come on, we don’t need to put up with this from him.”
Before Bruce could say another word, Lex was dragged off toward the balcony. Once they were outside and alone, Jason turned on him and blushed, his left hand scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly. He looked apologetic and unsure of himself. No longer the fierce, angry young man he’d been when he saw Bruce approaching.
“Sorry about that,” Jason grimaced. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“It was no inconvenience on my end,” Lex smiled. “I’m glad I could assist you.”
“Well, thanks.”
“You’re the literary nerd, aren’t you?” he asked. He recalled hearing a few different things about each of the four boys that Bruce had been father to. Jason, he was certain, had been the one to enjoy reading all the classics and was considered a very knowledgeable and learned young man considering his background. “I don’t ask to tease you, but rather because I have a very extensive library that you might want to visit.”
Jason smirked. “Are you hitting on me for real, Mr. Luthor?”
“I wasn’t lying when I told Bruce you were my type,” he shrugged. He hated being laughed at, but it would be easier to endure if he acted as casually as possible. “I’m merely suggesting that if you wanted to keep up the pretense in order to frustrate him, I’m open to playing the part.”
The younger man tilted his head as he looked him over. It was clear he wasn’t put off by the idea. Actually, his expression of wonder implied he was curious and possible playing out a few scenarios in his head.
“You know what, Mr. Luthor, I think you and I could cause a lot of headaches with family, friends, and associates,” he grinned.
“Please, Jason, if you’re going to use me to irritate your family, I insist you call me Lex.”
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sqoiler ¡ 8 years ago
Note
cassiestephkara highschool au lets go
“I’m gonna kill someone,” Cassie said, coming up behind her friends.
“What?” Tim asked, turning. Cassie crossed her arms. Tim and Kon exchanged a look.
“What?” Kon repeated.
“I am the only person who has first lunch this year,” she declared. “Bart and Jaime and Eddie and Rose and Donna and Dick and Rachel and Gar and Kori and Jason and Roy and–”
“Woah, woah, I get the picture,” Tim said, holding up his hands in surrender.
“And you guys,” Cassie finished lamely.
“Did you ask Damian?” Tim asked, tapping his chin. Cassie shoved him.
“I’m not gonna sit with your freshman little brother,” she assured him.
“We’re only sophomores,” Kon said. “But Kara has first lunch. You can sit with her.”
“Kara?” Cassie asked, thinking. She didn’t know the other girl very well, but she and Kon were cousins or something and pretty close. And Cassie’d been over at Kon’s enough to recognize the other girl, and Kara would know who Cassie is. Cassie nodded.
“Steph might have first lunch,” Tim offered.
“Who?” Cassie asked. Tim and Kon exchanged another look and Cassie shoved Tim again.
“Oh, look, the art room,” Kon said. “This is my stop.” He peeled away from the pair and ran off.
“He’s taking art?” Cassie asked, stopping by the cafeteria.
“He needs a fine arts credit,” Tim said, shrugging. He reached over and patted her shoulder. “You’ll be fine.” With that, he vanished into a crowd of people. Cassie frowned and went into the lunchroom. It was filling up steadily. She wound her way around the people before spotting a familiar blonde at a table.
“Mind if I sit here?” Cassie asked.
“Not at all,” Kara said, beaming at her and pushing her glasses up her nose. Cassie smiled in relief and sat, pulling out her lunch.
“It’s just, everyone I know has–”
“Second lunch,” Kara and Cassie said at the same time. Cassie blinked at the other girl.
“I’m in the same boat,” Kara said. “You may have noticed that the boys aren’t here.” Cassie grinned. She knew which boys Kara was talking about, Tim and Kon were practically attached at the hip. She was glad she hadn’t pursued that too hard.
“Demon spawn successfully hates me again,” a new voice announced. Yet another blonde popped down at the table.
“What did you do?” Kara asked.
“Nothing!” the other girl said, throwing up her hands. “All I did was ruffle his hair….and call him sweetie…in front of Colin and Maps…” Kara sniggered, and Cassie fought back a smile.
“Hi,” she said. “I’m–”
“Cassie Sandsmark, Tim’s once girlfriend of about a month,” the other girl said, shaking her hand. “I’m the other best friend.”
“Uh, what?” Cassie asked.
“Stephanie Brown, Tim’s other best friend and once girlfriend of about half a year,” Steph said, leaning back in her seat. “I went to GA when he went to Jump City Middle.” Cassie nodded.
“When we dated he had just broken up with you,” she recalled. “And Kon had transferred to Smallville.”
“I broke up with him, but yes,” Steph said.
“Tim liked me once, I think,” Kara said.
“Everyone likes you, Kara,” Steph said, elbowing her. Kara blushed and rolled her eyes.
“So you know the Waynes, then?” Cassie asked eagerly, leaning towards Steph.
“Do I know the Waynes?” Steph asked. “Because I once dated Tim Drake-Wayne? Good question. That question can be answered by the fact that Dickhead drove me to school today, I am Demon Brat’s favorite female human being (I think), Cass is my best friend, Timbo is my other best friend, Jaybird, Duke, and I egged my dad’s car together last week, and Brucie is filing adoption papers for me.”
“Wow,” Cassie said. “Really?”
“Probably not, but he might be, and that’s the key point here,” Steph said.
“I’ve barely met Bruce,” Cassie said wistfully.
“I went on family vacation with them this summer,” Steph said.
“All I did this summer was go tend cows,” Kara said mournfully.
“That’s a lie, and you know it,” Cassie said. “Kon said that you and him went to Metropolis and did an internship at the Daily Planet and stayed at Lex Luthor’s hose for a whole week.”
“But I also tended cows,” Kara said.
“I think I offended Lex Luthor at a gala this summer,” Steph said thoughtfully. Cassie laughed.
“What did you do this summer?” Kara asked, directing her attention to Cassie.
“Beach,” she said. “All summer. Just the beach.”
“Nice,” Steph said admiringly. “With Diana Prince?”
“Yeah,” Cassie said. “And Donna.”
“Nice,” Steph said again.
“We went to Diana’s hometown and stayed on a house that was like a two second walk from the beach and did nothing all summer.”
“Sounds nice,” Kara said. “I never get to go to the beach.”
“We went to Europe,” Steph said. “There was a beach.”
“I like the beach,” Cassie said. “It was nice. Just me, Donna, Steve, and Diana.”
“We went to Europe with me, Bruce, Damian, Dick, Jason, Cass, Harper, Cullen, Duke, Tim, Kate, Selina, and Babs,” Steph said.
“That’s a lot of people,” Kara said.
“Bruce pretends to hate people, but he has a big family,” Steph said wisely, and the lunch bell rang. “Well, there I go to band.”
“Have fun,” Kara said.
“Yeah,” Cassie said, standing up. “I have math next.”
“That sucks,” Steph said. “Same time tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Cassie and Kara agreed. Cassie gathered her stuff and headed toward the math room, looking forward to the lunches ahead of her.
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