#MentaIllness

[thevisualstuff]

Truth and Lies in Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Unlike Shawshank Redemption's Andy Dufresne, Tony Daniels (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) in Shutter Island cannot reconcile with his painful past, pushing him to descend into insanity. It's an internal struggle of man against himself.

In the closing scene, Tony faces crucial questions that will determine his ultimate answer and resolution. Tony poses the climactic question, "Which is worse?" The two options offer no solace: either to live with the knowledge of being a monstrous murderer or to undergo a lobotomy, erasing the details of his life.

Of course, lobotomy offers him an escape, making him forget his past actions and feel virtuous. But that's the reason why Tony Daniels does not find redemption unlike Andy Dufresne. While Andy forgives and accepts his past, Tony couldn't.

In the end, Tony chooses the latter option–to undergo lobotomy, because he prefers to live with a lie than confront the truth.

[highemotionscotian]

Mishandled Justice; Putting the Pieces Back Together After Trauma

/First Entry

seemingly endless doom scrolling watching videos online I occasionally stumble upon the side of the world wide web where there's a kind side. Some genuine folk just doin' their best. I have been scared and angry and alone so long I really think I forgot there are kind souls out there, Dearest Reader, I hope you are one of those good people 💙

For a long time I thought I was okay being alone. Lately there's been a overwhelming void and between you and me, I think may be humanity I've been missin'. I know it's more trendy to put this on TicTok, dang I tried however putting myself on camera is uncomfortable in a way I'm not sure yet how to describe, all the same I need to start letting some things out. I would love to be brave enough to share my life with the world like the fabulous content creators that have kept me company over the years but every time I try, I find an excuse not to; my house isn't clean enough. My forehead is too big, my body is too big. I wouldn't be funny enough, I wouldn't be interesting enough. I wouldn't be enough. Would be too much. Heck I even thought I wasn't rich enough to be on Tic Tok. I don't have a nice hair cut or fancy clothes to do one of those 'fit checks' they're dong and the only time my phone rings is a bill collector, what business did I have of sharing my dirty laundry online being in the state I've been in. It's that thinking that has kept me stuck in life.

I don't know who I am anymore. At the risk of sounding too dramatic, it is as if I have awoken from a living, psychological coma unsure of myself or my surroundings. So while I learn who I am and how to get comfortable in front of a camera my relaunch into the realm of social media will start by blogging.

Do I feel like know what I'm doing? Nope! This will be a learning experience with no determined destination or set conclusion. It will be chaotic. Y'all are invited to come along. One joy of writing and throwing it out there, no one has to read it if they don't want to. Unlike a real life conversation, I won't be distracted by your face worried I have said the wrong thing, or said to much, offended or bored you. I am a modern hermit living with complex post traumatic stress disorder and have been experiencing noticeable symptoms akin to ADHD. I am not sure how many times I have tried to 'start over' in life and failed, I've lost count. I have wanted and tried to change but doing it alone isn't working, so here we are now.

I’ve never told my story publicly. Not really. As I attempted put my life back together over and over and take up space in the world I would feel a bit like a fraud. As if it's this big shameful secret I must hide when in reality it's been gagging me getting in the way of speaking and success. I know I could have a beautiful life if I could just get out of my own way, out of my own head, and out of this dang house.

I have to put all the puzzle pieces together, finally get it all out so then maybe I can find peace and put it all behind me. I had posted some details about the events on my Facebook over the years as it all played out. I would share a summary to family and friends and it made a few news headlines, yet so many factors stopped me from sharing the raw truth of it all.

The weight of shame and not wanting to embarrass or hurt my family, I left out so much of what had happened and what I was feeling. When I would try to share how bad things have gotten, the reactions at just a small portion of the whole truth were bad enough I was ashamed of putting it all on tbe table. I had told having my life public would negatively affect my chances of getting a good job, chastised it would ruin my reputation if I cussed or used words like 'rape' or 'sexual assault' online. I still tried, to find strangers commenting on the news stories about my body, my character they knew nothing of, gossip that the evidence was fraudulent and I just wanted attention. After time went by and I had heard the “get over it’s” and the “time to move on’s” I didn't think my story was worthy of telling, to those more than an arms length away I would be fine and move on. Now still, lack of confidence in myself, low self esteem and fear has kept me from living and telling my story in its entirety.

While the fear of being prosecuted for violating a publication ban on my own name had not stopped me from posting on my own Facebook page, it had effectively silenced me from going public. The risk of a $5,000 fine or up to 2 years in custody for telling my story had removed my voice and a piece of healing I didn't know how very badly I needed.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” - Maya Angelou

I have never really known how to have close friends well. I sometimes wish I had a tribe to be comfortable with. Growing up I was that kid that would secretly cry in the bathrooms when at a friends house. I never understood why I didn't feel like I quite fit in. I’d be apart of a small group, always an introvert, I think I would have liked to have been the emotionally regulated, social sort as an adult where I could have gotten the whole story out already. Perhaps around a bonfire, screaming at the moon, blending tears from sadness and laughing. The last time I was in a social setting that wasn't family was in 2019. It's been lonely. Even years before then I had hid away. In late 2015 I left an abusive relationship and became housebound. Fearful to even venture to my front yard, leaving the bedroom was a daily challenge. Slowly I started to engage in social media, supplementing human connection with strangers on Facebook, where this story will officially begin.

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️

This blog will cover topics of intimate partner violence, sexual assault, legal misconduct, mental illness and contain corse language. I will make an attempt to censor myself throughout this therapeutic process. Reader’s discretion is strongly advised.

📍Disclaimer

Some names used will be changed for the purposes here. However, all facts of the trial discussed within this saga are public record, and RCMP interactions from the trial and complaints process are documented for verification. All other details are from my own lived experiences, hours of audio recordings, news and magazine articles, emails, and journals.

Now I know a little bit about a lot, but only a lot about a little bit. I will speak about my own experiences as I have lived them and the things I have learned along the way, but I am not an expert in any topic included below. I am such a mess that I hesitate to even call myself an expert in my own life, yet vow to hold to the truth at every step.

Statistic I’d like to share

1 in 3 women in Canada will be sexually assaulted with sexual assault being more common than robbery – Statistics Canada

_____________

There was a blur after I was assaulted when I heard the words “wait here, someone will help you” and part of me has been locked in a psychological waiting room ever since. This is my raw and vulnerable exit speech from that place.Why now?Publication ban laws in Canada prevented me from telling the story how I needed to tell it or attributing my own name to the events that transpired. The journalist who first covered the story, Lindsay Jones, called me ‘Nicole’ and as the trial was ongoing, I was prohibited from speaking about the case in full. I was not aware nor informed a publication ban would be essentially automatically applied restricting my choice to share my story. A publication ban did not prevent the media from using the accused’s full name, personal information and details of the trial, yet the punishment I could face by putting my name to my experiences, or sharing court documents was possible fines of $5,000 and/or up to 2 years in custody. At times I pushed the line of this ban as if daring the courts to charge me so maybe someone with authority would hear my case. I understand and accept by sharing my life I am opening myself up to trolls and keyboard warriors who may believe to know more about my own life than me and will say cruel and hurtful things. I have been threatened, insulated and received messages from other men they would rape me too if they had the chance. Our society is not always kind, this is a fear I shall overcome. This is MY journey to healing. To judge how someone processes trauma or victim blaming says more about their character than anyone else’s. The longer I am alone with the shame, guilt the more I hurt myself and my family. I need to hold space for myself now. Telling my story is how I choose to do that. Please remember when you comment with hatred or cruelty other victims will see it and may not feel safe sharing their own stories, and that’s a gawddamn shame. The story must be whatever length it needs to be to pour it out of my body. It will be long and parts long-winded. I write this for myself as a step in my healing process, you are invited to come along.

In the news they called me ‘Nicole’, that is not my name, but this is my story.

*deep breath*

#ToBeContinued

[nenelonomh]

20 traits of an attractive personality

thoughtful and warm affection

self-aware and self-reflecting with proper action

strong understanding and listening skills

a funny sense of humour

having responsibility for your own decisions and actions

being a supporting character

being thankful when others help you

taking pleasure in simple things

keeping promises

connecting with people deeply

treating friendships and relationships as priorities

nourishing yourself with good food

knowing your worth and accepting what you deserve

forgiving people for their mistakes and limiting their access to your life

taking care of your expenses

staying calm when others get angry at you

learning from people who are smarter than you, and not letting your ego interfere

being loyal and trustworthy in any relationship

taking care of your loved ones

always keeping your promises

[transfaguette]

BBC posted an article "study finds pandemic had 'minimal effects' on mental health" (despite the study not surveying the most at-risk demographics, among other things) and then people responding to it with "oh yeah? look at this wacky thing I did during quarantine xd" and man I hate this like, gentrification of mental illness. Yes your animal crossing island is very silly or whatever but also people killed themselves.

[ivyandana]

days in the city :)

[drowsystarlight]

Commissioned pieces for @kaoticfive and @raythebrutallyhonestguy ! They have almost the same color scheme and they’re both from fics they wrote LOL??? But yeah anyway these r for different fanfics in different fandoms 🫶 teehee

[tiredcherrie]

I pulled some sketches out ibis' ass so I can post something sorry sorry

[gar-a-ash]

Demoing toenail time with Tassie, when I get the new puppy I'll try to remember to record how I trained this. But for starters look up cooperative care, used in a variety of animal husbandry! Tassie's pretty tentative because I have quicked her a few times, including grazing it this time, but she's still had enough positive experiences with this that she's willing to cooperate with me. It starts with baby steps, trimming one toenail at a time, and when they hit a stubborn phase (like Tassie did) you do have to enforce that they don't have a choice but it can go smoothly if they work with you and they'll be rewarded heavily. It takes time but it works! You can get an adult dog to do this as well but you're going to be spending a lot more time working them through whatever fear they have with toenails, so patience is a must. I've also used cooperative care with ear cleanings and mouth exams, so it can go far!

[autismhotpot]

"I spend half my paycheck on hello kitty merch to make my inner child happy"

MY SISTER IN CHRIST, PLEASE, RECONNECT WITH NATURE, MOTHER NATURE CALLS YOU

[silly-himbim]

YouTube commentors try not to be the most rudest people challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)

[grosirkaoskakicomel]

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[nenelonomh]

things to include more of in your life

walking in the rain

waking up feeling refreshed

turning off your phone

hugging your friends

complimenting people

museum visits

taking photos of yourself and people you love

planting flowers and fruit trees

ice-cream in summer

songs to dance to

learning things because it interests you

walks in the middle of nature

cute pens and notebooks

cooking your own meals

[imababblekat]

Simon sees you sitting curled up in a chair, eyes peering lost at the sketchbook and computer before. He knows that look. It’s a look you often get when the team finally gets some time off, but you brain is stuck in this void of being unable to commit to any hobbies you once enjoyed. You told him about it once, it was offhandedly and you hadn’t delved much into it with due to still being fairly new and not wanting to bother the apparent cold stone lieutenant. Simon paid attention though, and this detail about yourself had been added to his mentail folder of his teammates.

A deep breath huffed out your nose, head drooping into your folded arms, when your ears picked up on the sound of light footsteps entering the kitchen area you resided.

“The usual?”, came Simons gruff voice, large hands reaching into the cabinet for your and his mugs.

“The usual.”, you mumbled in reply, staring at your phone and resisting the urge to start doom scrolling.

It was a battle you lost as you reached out to open an app and scroll mindlessly through its feed, the light clinking of Simon making you both tea behind you. You’re not sure how long he had taken, too lost in the endless information of peoples lives and other nonsensical things scrolling past your dulled eyes, not registering a thing you watched or read. At some point though, your phone had been snatched from your hands, replaced by a warm cup of your favorite tea, Simon pulling out the chair beside you to sit with his own.

You couldn’t even bother the smallest fuss at the large soldier for taking your phone, simpling taking a sip and then blindly staring into the liquid void.

“That bad today?”

You nod with a groan, putting your cup down to splay your hands out at the objects you once enjoyed before you.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought maybe I was bogged down by knowing I had chores to take care of, but even after finishing those I still can’t get myself to do any of my hobbies!”

Simon sipped his tea, dark eyes glancing up at your downtrodden expression. You thought nothing of his silence, having known him for a while now that his silence was him listening. If he truly wasn’t interested, he would have left, hell he wouldn’t have even bothered to make you a drink.

“I just. . .”, you hold your head in your hands, “I don’t feel myself. I finally get a break, and I can’t do anything I wanted to do. What’s the point of having hobbies if every time I try one of them, I immediately become disinterested?”

The Brit beside you stares down into his own mug now, thinking on your words, a silence filling in besides the muffled sound of Johnny bellowing songs in the shower upstairs. Before, he wouldn’t give two shits about something like this, leaving you to figure it out or not all on your own. Of course, being apart of the 141 it was only a matter of time before you became apart of this oddly dangerous family of sorts, and Simon found himself caring for you just as much as he did for the other three, even if he ever expressed it.

“Maybe doing nothin’, is what you’re suppos’d do.”

You quirked a brow at him.

“You? Telling me to do nothing?”

Simon rolled his eyes, sitting back against the creaking old dinning chair.

“Yeah, shocker I know, but trust me, after years of doing this shit, sometimes you jus’ gotta kick ya feet up and do fuck all.”

You look back to your tea before taking another sip, thinking on his words. He had a point though. As frustrating as it was, wanting to engage in activities that would normally bring you joy, it was only natural to not always be motivated to do them, especially with the grueling type of work you all did.

“Welp,” you shrug, closing your lap top shut and throwing your sketchbook atop it, “guess I’m doing fuck all today.”

A light, deep chuckle came from Simon, him always finding it kind of funny when outlandish vocabulary came from your lips. You never came off as the type to say such words, but then again you also didn’t exactly fit into the picture of the intimidating guys you were so close to.

“Good. Relax, ya earned it.”

You smile up at Simon, your eyes crinkling in the corners something that brought him some warmth.

“We earned it, Simon.”

[mrfleshwizard]

"I don't know a lot of about Molly, except she's Angel dust sister and she in heaven. I don't know a lot about how mafia works, so I can't say her not knowing that her father, brothers and probably a lot of other her reletives were in mafia too, would make sense. Also I think that mafia is sexist (woah, booktok girlies is that what you simp for?).

I prefer if she tried to leave the mafia, but was killed (becouse that's what mafia do)."

No, innocent angel of kitchen was part of mafia propaganda, yes mafia was sexist but doesn't remove women were part important who often handle affairs,they raise children to mafia way,for example children who often refused mafia they got no-mafia moms. In italy there is special program to resenting children from mafia, but operators complain if moms are in picture /and children too old, it is almost impossible to rescue them from that mentaility. For years mafia make believe women didn't matter because it was best way to protect their affairs, if police believe mobsters wives being innocent naive would never get interrogated, or be able to handle the affairs if they are no man. There are different between Sicilian mafia/american-italian, cammora( which already in 1800 we havelesbian mobster chief) and 'Ndrangheta( which it is most poweful one because it become very modern)

Innocent/spoiled principess mafia is toxic tropes like holliwood vodoo both aren't real.

Molly has to be fighter! If she didn't fight mafia , I want she give up the money escaping and living alone

Oh Thanks! Like I said I know little to nothing about mafia.

Molly being an fighter is cool concept, better than poor innocent girl.

Molly fighting mafia could be an great parallel to her and Anthony/Angel Dust.

Molly went to heaven becouse she fight against evil, when Anthony went to hell becouse he give up to evil or something like that.

[lightandfellowship]

Master of Masters: "And now the formless yearn to take over the bodies of those with strong hearts."

I know Baldr's situation isn't really the same as the Foretellers in terms of Darkness possession, but still, I think it's interesting to think about this line with regards to Baldr.

Because, I feel like other characters and perhaps even Baldr himself probably view him as "weak-hearted".

Oh, you relied so heavily on your older sister to the point that you couldn't function without her, you're weak. Oh, you were so easily susceptible to darkness, you're weak. Oh, you couldn't stop your darkness + Darkness from killing them all, you're weak. And then the MoM instilling the "strong vs. weak" mentaility in Xehanort and Xehanort likely viewing Baldr as one of the weak ones who couldn't control his darkness. Etc.

But based on the MoM's dialog here, Darkness specifically likes to target those with strong hearts. It makes me wonder if people, including Baldr himself, underestimate him.

(All of this could probably apply to Ven as well, now that I think about it.)

[jams-sims]

Philza strategizing, survival skills are coming in clutch right now. He has saved the red team so much by just being on.

On the peaceful front, someone gotta make a real honest to god plead for a meet up for peace. Red team is trying but also the isolation and killing is kicking Philza paranoia in the ass. Cellbit is reverting back into some dark, fuck everyone but us mentaility.

So he can't do it, Bbh has killed a lot sonhe can't, Tubbo is just untrustworthy lol.

Etoiles is the best option right now because he would have no reason to lie and say 'hey everyone meet here we all need to talk.'