#Personal experience

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Internal Experiences of Autism

The Autistic Teacher

[ewwap]

Irl ghost/entity NSFW experience???

Ok I've had some crazy experiences recently and idk where to talk about it so I'm just gonna ramble about it here

About a year ago I woke up with something/someone rubbing my back. It was really comforting. I was asleep and then woke up but didn't open my eyes, and it took me a while before getting the nerve to turn around and see nothing. It stopped after that and I was kinda sad it did.

That happened again once or twice in isolated events a few months apart until I noted my furniture moves slightly?? It's very slight, like my swivel chair turning slightly where I question if it's really moving.

Sometimes lights will flicker or dim for a second when I enter rooms, sometimes randomly when I'm in a room.

Then this morning, I woke up and was doing that thing where I was awake and still had my eyes closed--and for some reason, I had the feeling someone was in front of me? He talked to me (I don't remember what I said) and I reached forward, like kinda in front of my head, and there was a dick. Like, I felt a dick. I opened my eyes and there was nothing, but I felt it. And it didn't alarm me, the presence actually made me feel safe ngl. I don't know what came over me but I started stroking it, feeling it, and teasing him--sometimes I would open my eyes just to see I was jerking off the air. He was about to come when I stopped, and dude, I asked him to fuck me. Did I say it out loud? Maybe, I don't know.

And I felt it. I felt him enter me, I felt him moving in and out of me. It felt really good. I was just ass up feeling a phantom dick. I kept asking him to rub my clit, and sometimes I would feel, like, this ripple of please on my lil dick, and I felt like I was gonna come and then it would stop. This happened for a while until I fell asleep again, and I woke up very horny.

Idk why I'm adding this last part, but all of this started before I began to develop sort of a monster kink. And now that I have it this happens.

Tumblr, am I going insane? I hope not cause, to be honest, I welcome this. I probably am though, or more likely I was dreaming. But the thing is I don't feel things in my dreams, I felt this. If he's real I challenge him to appear while I'm fully awake but goddamn I think I'm going insane.

[callofthecorvus]

Sometimes it's hard to realize that you are truly loved when in a self deprecating spiral

[winedarkgod]

some days praying at my altar and

[macgyvermedical]

Hi Mac! Haven't got a specific question about your mental health issues, but would gladly read anything you'd like to share about it. Wish you the best with it, it sure sounds like a combination of things that would feed into each other.

Thank you!

Not entirely sure how to answer but will do my best.

The symptoms I have:

Irritability/agitation (severe without medication)

Visual hallucinations (mild without medication)

Anxiety (severe without medication)

Delusions (moderate without medication)

The irritability is the most difficult to deal with, followed by the delusions (which cause a lot of the anxiety, cause they're usually something like I'm being shot at or I have a severe health problem no one can know about or my coworkers are trying to get me fired), followed in a distant last place by the visual hallucinations, which happen mostly at night.

Despite being diagnosed with psychotic depression, I do not feel like I have the depression part. I not infrequently want to die but I don't actually feel depressed about it? It's complicated. It's more really severe agitation where I feel like I have to hold myself back from doing something deadly to myself and that's really difficult sometimes.

While I'm having a delusion I have trouble understanding that that's what's happening, but I'm lucky in that I usually have an inkling that what I'm thinking is not entirely right, even if I don't know what to do with that inkling or even recognize that that's what it is.

For example, I tend to feel the presence of someone else in my house even when there's no one there. When I used to live alone I would hear footsteps at night and combined with feeling a presence be convinced someone was there. My brain fleshed that out to mean that someone was living in my apartment that I could never "catch". I would go look and not be able to to find them, but I could always think of a reason why.

I knew that since I could never catch the person anyone I told would think I was crazy. So I didn't tell anyone at the time. But it wasn't because it was ridiculous that someone else would be living in my 500 sqft apartment with me without me knowing. It was because other people would think I was crazy if I said anything.

More recently, while I was at the hospital, I thought my wife had put me there so that she would have someone to take care of. But by that point I realized I wasn't sure I could just trust everything that came into my head so I wasn't sure what to think about that, even though it was really hard to get the thought out of my head. Plus my brain could always find a reason why everyone else was going along with her, even if they don't make sense now.

My hallucinations are mostly at night, like I said. I see shadows that aren't there and I see things run across the road if I'm driving in the dark. This really isn't a problem unless I'm driving at night. They don't scare me but they do make it harder and less safe to drive.

The anxiety was the first thing I sought help for, and an SSRI worked for me, but didn't get rid of the irritability/agitation. I then went on a third generation antipsychotic called aripiprazole, which worked amazingly well for the irritability, except that I gained 50lb and my cholesterol and blood sugar went up pretty significantly within about a year. I switched to a different 3rd generation and nothing changed, so I switched to a first generation, lost 5lb and my numbers went back to normal pretty much a month later.

The first generation antipsychotic haloperidol was also the first time I realized that the third generation meds were doing very little for my actual psychosis symptoms. For the first time in at least 5 (but probably closer to 15) years, I was thinking more clearly and making better decisions. I had an easier time prioritizing things. I wasn't distracted by hallucinations and I suddenly just didn't have delusions or strange thoughts to deal with. I no longer felt the presence of someone who wasn't there. Plus the agitation was cut way down.

My wife says it was like I did a complete 180 in how easy it was to talk to me and for us to make decisions together once I was on the haloperidol.

I am still waiting on my mix of meds to be more correct (haloperidol makes me really sleepy at doses that take care of the psychosis), especially when combined with clonidine (which I take for agitation) and gabapentin (which I take for anxiety). I am also waiting on counseling to really start (I'm only getting it about once a month right now because of scheduling and availability issues).

But yeah. That's kind of my experience right now.

[dyke-bite]

if youre fucking a poet remember to bite hard, suck harder, and eat them out like its your last fucking meal. its good for their art i promise

cishet men & minors dni

[deatmat]

Ace therapy is something incredibly interesting. I just saw a post about how in therapy asexuality is still treated like an illness and how hard it is to find a therapist who won’t try to convert you. (I was going to put this in the reblogs but then my phone did a whacky thing and made it disappear)

I wanted to share that there’s another issue with therapy and asexuality: people trying to use therapy to ‘fix’ friends/family.

When I was 13 I started to see a therapist for anxiety and depression. I was so terrified that I forced my mother to attend the first session with me. We sat down with Dr. A and started discussing what I wanted to explore over my time with her. As I finished my bit about why I was here, my mom decided to tack on one last thing.

“We also struggle a lot with her sexuality.”

I looked at my mother in shock because while, yes my parents do struggle to accept it and that does play a role in my life that I’d like to talk about, it was not what I’d expected to hear. Dr. A asked her what she meant as I stiffened in the shoulders and started to dread what she’d say.

“Well just that she’s asexual, and a little confused, and maybe you can help her through that.”

This may seem like it could be harmless - maybe she meant it as in genuinely wanting someone to support me through a difficult transition. But, knowing my mother, she was waiting for a professional to validate her in her opinion that I was “confused” and “too young” and “just waiting for the right person/for my hormones to kick in.”

Thankfully, Dr. A seemed to sense I was uncomfortable and shuffled along the conversation. When we had our next session without my mom, she asked me if I wanted to talk about asexuality or if my mother just wanted to, and when I explained it wasn’t a huge issue in my life, she accepted that and moved on. Asexuality was only ever mentioned from there on when I was talking about the stress of other peoples reactions to it, in which it was immediately treated respectfully. Though my mother still asked after most sessions if asexuality had been brought up.

I was lucky to have a good therapist, someone who welcomed all variations of queer people without hesitation. If I had been without her, this would be a very different conversation about ace therapy.

The LGBTQIA community says asexuals don’t face discrimination but we’re still so unsafe in medical settings. Most of us know we can never mention being ace to our therapists or our treatments would begin to focusing on increasing our sex drives which don’t have anything wrong with them in the first place. It’s sick and wrong that people are using the system to their advantage and trying to snuff out our identities. Please stay safe out there my ace pals.

[crystalyssa35]

A General Guide to Writing Well, Now, & Consistently

In all my years writing, I have struggled with keeping writing as a fun and healthy habit. It took me five years (and many instances of writer's block and giving up) to actually have a basic set of guidelines to keep my writing going...

And I would like to share these "rules" with you all today!

Now, a bit of a disclaimer: developing the quality of your writing skills comes with time, research, and thinking. It may sound frustrating to hear, and you may hear it often, but the only way to get better at writing is to write and read often. Many times, just by jotting a silly thought down or reading fanfiction, you can spawn ideas without realizing it.

Now, to the list of tips that (I hope) will help you on your writing endeavors!

If you are not having fun writing your story, your readers will not have fun reading it. It sounds silly, but it's true! If you're enjoying your writing, you're more likely to write more and input more ideas into it!

Even if you have people to check your works, reread them on your own anyway. This may be a little frustrating tip for some, but let me tell you: I used to HATE checking my own stuff. The worst way I learned that personally checking it is a necessity was when my aunt checked it and pointed out tens of mistakes within my grammar, storyline, and characters. Check yo work, it will save you a LOT of embarrassment in the future.

Write anything. Read everything. As ambiguous and obscure as it will sound, it makes sense with context. As I mentioned before, the only way to get better at writing is to write and read often. Write anything your mind desires, that's simple enough. But read EVERYTHING; not only books, blogs, and articles, but also games, texts with friends, billboards, pictures with text, and (sorry, students) even homework as well. You'll be surprised how much your vocabulary expands when you actually pay attention to anything that is written (for me, it was video games. Seven-year old me knew vocabulary that I was taught in seventh grade because of it). And on that note...

Research what you don't know. Please, this one is genuinely important (I'm biased because it's one of my pet peeves). This includes words you don't know the definition of, spelling, and even generic, real-life information you want to add into your stories (e.g. I actually spent four hours researching how gemstones are categorized for my sci-fi story: Eco-Adstrum). Unfortunately, sometimes researching and fact-checking your ideas before writing them down can prove to be unmotivating, especially when you're wrong. But, it's always good to stay optimistic and be creative enough to twist the actual fact to mold it to your stories. Unless you're writing non-fiction, then maybe don't do that last bit.

If you have no ideas, keep wiggling your pencil. To those that recognize that phrase, yes, it is not my own. This is a piece of writing from former Tumblr user "officialtheonite" (I was only able to find the post because it has been reblogged multiple times) and their fifth grade writing teacher. Essentially, even if you have no ideas, keep writing. Write ANYTHING, even if it doesn't make sense. You will always be able to double-check it later and you will save yourself a lot of wasted time sitting around trying to stir the soup in your brain.

Balance the usage of your names and pronouns. To this day, I still struggle with this. I tend to use an abundance of pronouns when I'm referring to a character, so much so that sometimes, it becomes unclear on if we are still talking about aforementioned character or if we're talking about a different character entirely. Use names when the focus or action of a character is on stage; use pronouns if we are still talking about said character (even if we are talking about the same character, make sure you at least reiterate their name when there's a new paragraph).

I'll be editing and reworking this list as time goes on. I hope these tips can be of use so some of you all. Feel free to ask me any questions if needed. Enjoy writing and keep at it! I believe in you all!

[n8tism]

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Being an autistic adult means unlearning all the ways the world taught you, you were broken

Neurodivergent_lou

[saltyloafy]

I'm gonna make a more cohesive post about this later when I think about it, but for right now I'll say this: hey, if you're a trans man or just in general taking intramuscular testosterone injections, don't take your injection advice from randos on the Internet! make sure it's from a reputable source!! injecting can be dangerous and hurt a lot if you do it wrong (as I have been for... a while)

injecting into the deltoid (arm muscle right below your shoulder) is goated and superior and more people should know about it. it's the muscle that has the least amount of nerve endings out of the 3 recommended injection spots (thigh, ass, deltoid) and it's a very hard muscle to miss!

stay safe out there fellow trans people, and DO. YOUR. RESEARCH!!!! please talk to your doctors I'm begging you 🙏🙏

[peoples-problem]

So, I'm in that stage of making everything around me about 9-1-1 and I got my driver's license last week after months and months of getting prepared and seeing the different reactions my family had around it so I thought: What if Chris wants to learn to drive at some point? How are the rest of their family members going to react?

I know he is like 12 now but if the seasons keep on coming we might get a 17 year old Christopher and if they decide to share this kind of experience I would happily cry so here is a list of types of reactions I got from my family and who I think will match it in the show:

- Supportive borderline forcing: This was the first reaction I got from my grandparents when the topic of me learning how to drive came up, they did a lot of research and even paid my classes with some accommodations for me to be as comfortable as I could with this, even when I got to the point of the anxiety getting to much and wanted to quit my grandma sat next to me while driving and gave me tips and never allowed me to stop (it felt a little like forcing me to keep going, she insisting that she is getting old and would like me to drive her places at some point, but it was all a joke and if I really wanted to they would have no problem with me not getting my license, they did the same with my sister and she never sat in a car after the classes they also paid because she didn't like it) and they are basically the reason why I have a driver's license now. They insisted it was for my independence and, worst case scenario, to have it in case of emergencies. They gave me their car to practice and stayed with me all the way.

For this, I'll like to say abuela or Pepa could take this place, if only for the fact that it was my grandparents that did it for me, but I also feel this all screams Buck, so maybe him too.

- Having problems giving up control: Yes, it sounds bad but let me explain. This was my mom. She insisted that she wanted me to learn but almost cried the first time I was living for my first class and made me doubt a little bit if I was ready or not. The first time I drove with my family I made the mistake of having her in the passenger seat and the second the car moved an inch she screamed like if we were about to crash and everyone agreed that she isn't allowed in the passenger seat when she is not driving because she stresses the driver with her stress. This is the kind of person that acts like if you were in a racing car when you are going like 20km/h, graving themselves to the seat and walls of the car, over indicating stuff ("There's a car coming from your right, let them pass", "The light is red, you have to stop", etc) that the driver already knows but it comes from a place of having to trust other people with things you already know how to do, specially if you know they don't have as much experience as they do. It's the most annoying type of people to have next to you while learning but they also have the best tips and would spend hours explaining how to improve some things (she taught me all about priority, like in an intersection who should pass first, some parking tips, to listen to the car)

This is completely Eddie, I'm sorry but I feel like he is the type of doing stuff on his own and won't trust anyone else unless they have more experience than he does, which is why he would trust Buck having in consideration he drove a lot and even then it took him some time to get relaxed with him (this is hc but idk)

- Learning with you and sharing tips: My sister, her boyfriend and I started driving classes at the same time, the same instructor came to our house (they live next to my house so ha basically spent an hour with each of us and picked up the next one in the same place, it was really handy for him too) and took us for a drive but we had 5 classes to learn the basics and then it was all practice on our own until the exam (which, by the way, we got the appointment for 4 fucking months later so we had to do a lot more practice on our own that we would have liked) so we basically experienced the streets together. Because we were learning at the same time, we would notice some stuff that may be normal for experienced drivers but it wasn't for us and we shared with each other to know what to do (like, reference points while parking, how to talk to other drivers with the lights to thank them or indicate to them that they should pass you) and being overall the moral support that understands what you are going through.

This could probably only be Harry or Denny, bc they are around the same age, but it's nice to have at least someone like this at the start so if this does happen in the show at some point I would like Chris to have someone like I did.

- Someone who recently got their license: this is similar to the other one but it's not someone learning with you but teaching you what is going to happen. Most of the time is useful but can also scare you because they talk about the exam they have to pass and you think "There's no way in hell I'm passing that" but it also guides you to what to get better at. They might remember more about the theoretical or practical exam but they have tips that are always welcome.

I feel like this would be May but literally anyone that remembers the type of exam they took is useful and the more povs they provide the more confusing it is because the exams vary depending on where you take them so it's a lot of "prepare of everything" kind of thing but it allows to clear some doubts and can be a "You are going to do great anyway" kind of support although I also got it from people younger than me that was basically like "oh, you haven't got it already? When I did?" And it feels kind of bad but no experience is always 100% good so idk, feels like a need to have

- Being supportive from afar: This goes to family members that kept constantly checking on me and my progress during the first lessons because my closest family love to brag about little things and achievements so there was the usual call with someone I haven't seen in years and them asking how I was doing, depending on my will to share or the kind of relationship I have with them I would have lied saying that I was going fine and sharing something I learned ("I haven't crashed yet so it's good" or "I had to maneuver between parked cars and a patrol car, I think i did a good enough job there") or be honest and say I'm not liking it a lot (this almost never happened but I did the "I want to quit because they want me as a chauffeur" or "I probably won't drive much, I'm just doing this to day I have the knowledge to do so, like learning a language that I won't use because I don't know anyone that talks it")

This would definitely be the Diaz parents or sisters only that they would specifically call to ask about it instead of casually asking on a call that wasn't about the driving in on itself. I feel like Helena and Ramon might ask out of worry and to be sure that this is a good idea because they do not trust Chris specifically but that's because I don't like them a lot so it might not be like that and they are actually supportive.

I also got a few people mansplaining and amazed that I was driving just because I'm a woman, which won't happen to Chris bc of that but might happen bc of the CP and it's annoying but it's life (I had a few males stop me while learning how to park specifically that gave me tips while I clearly had my mom with her 30 years of experience but they probably think they know better and so they explained me how to do it themselves, and I had a neighbor stop my grandma and go "Oh I'm so in favor of women driving" that sounded a little bit too much as clarifying that you are an ally just to get attention and like she owned the street I was parking on and wouldn't allow me to do it if I wasn't a woman fighting against patriarchy only for driving (which I'm not and I have that it's still a novelty that woman drive but that's off the topic)) so he probably would get people minimizing him, very ableist, and faking support just to have a little bit of spotlight. I hope that this kind of people didn't exist but if they are none of the main characters would be them so this is just the negative mention for someone that won't be there for long.

I think I'm rambling too much now so I hope you see my vision, I just was very overwhelmed while learning how to drive and seeing how everyone does so so effortlessly was kind of annoying and triggered a little bit of impostor syndrome bc maybe driving isn't for me if I struggle so much, but it would be nice to have him learning and it not being a perfect "sit down in the driver seat, now you are free to go anywhere" like everyone makes it to be and this show likes to do that kind of stuff a lot so here's my confort hc for now <3

[thejudeduarte]

Actually being bothered to revise, failing at a practice question, and then losing your motivation for the rest of the day<<<<<<<

[the-fire-within0]

I love it whenever I see a magpie out in nature and I immediately think of Dionysus. I always make sure to give the little magpie a "hello mr/ms magpie" when walking by.

It reminds me of an incredible and funny time when I was taking a walk and there was this magpie following me, landing on every tree I stopped at and talking to me. It was adorable and sweet. 💜

[starsambrosia]

Remembering the time with Apollo i heard some one screaming in the city and i ran towards it (rule no. 1 do not do that youll get ambushed 9 times out of 10)

Apollo told me not to go

I told him i would

I ran

My body freezes up and he says "you will turn around. And you will go home." And my body began to rotate without me and started walking home a bit stiff at first but i gave up fighting after a simple "no."

And that was one of the many times Apollo "walked" me home and most likely saved my damn life.

Though some times he just took over to show off that he was infact who he said he was, as i was at the time...genuinely convinced he was one of gods angels sent from heaven to get me to read the bible more 😭

He is like a watcher whos main goal is to keep me safe from myself

[sister-lucifer]

wait ok hold on did anyone else grow up with parents who weren’t like. outwardly racist but when you introduced a friend who wasn’t the race they were expecting they pull the “oh, you didn’t tell me they were [black/asian/latino/what have you]” and then won’t elaborate when you ask why it matters

apparently this is. common in the south?? i thought i was the only one who experienced this?? is this a thing that happened to other people??