#Shoutout to anyone who reads this whole thing I guess-????

[fi3stazo]

watch me make this man my entire personality

[midnightcinderella]

People who would suffer at NRC

Each dorm has at least one of these students and god help them. This is very self-indulgent and each trait applies to me. If you relate, then rip to the both of us.

No proof-reading, we rawdog this shit. Word count: ~1300 Notes: no gendered pronouns for reader. mentions of ADHD, depression, and anxiety. mentions of illness. no romantic relationships

Heartslabyul

People with ADHD. Rip to us fr.

You'd forget at least a handful of rules a day, but it's really not your fault. Riddle better get off your case istg.

The ones who are more devoted to remaining productive make big colorful signs all over the damn place.

In their own rooms would be stuff like a box that says "keys and wallet go here" or a sign by the door with a checklist of what they need before they go, like homework or textbooks.

There are signs in common areas, too. They'll say stuff like curfew times or reminders of jobs that need to be done around the dorm.

There's always backlash if Riddle tries to take them down for being an eyesore because not only do they help ADHD students remember what needs to be done but students without ADHD, too. No sane person is gonna be thinking about feeding flamingos 24/7.

Savanaclaw

People with asthma. Place is dusty as shit. And hot. And humid at times.

I'm surprised the beastman students haven't taken any measure to seal off the inside of the dorm to prevent and from getting in. Guess everyone doesn't mind inhaling dust straight into their lungs.

Not to mention regular exercise is a dorm-wide tradition. Shoutout to my fellow mile walkers <3

If you have asthma and a dander/dust allergy, I'd just drop out tbh.

People who easily overheat/sweat. Double rip to us.

Get ready to go back and forth with your dormmates about smelling bad after sweating. It's a common occurrence. Someone sasses you, you sass back, and you're friends again 3 minutes later.

Everyone will think you're dying when you're dripping sweat after some stretches outside. No, you're not tired, you're just hot.

Octavinelle

People who are bad at math/bad with money. Listen.

The dorm isn't full of people who are as business minded as Azul, but there are students that offer accounting help for a fee. Negotiate that fee for the love of god.

Thankfully, you won't be scammed out of house and home because:

(1) it's generally frowned upon to scam people within Octavinelle; you don't hurt one of your own. It's about loyalty.

(2) someone is likely to take pity on you and will throw you a bone, telling you about a huge sale or where to find good job opportunities.

People who are gullible. Once again, double rip.

And once again, thank the lucky stars that loyalty is such a big thing here so you might be tricked into doing someone's job for them like mopping the Lounge, but nothing that would hurt you too badly.

If a study partner tries to feed you false information for shiggles, that'll get shut down real quick by another student. If your grades go down, then the whole dorm goes with you.

Good thing that doesn't happen often, and Azul offers his study guides for a highly discounted price to his own.

Scarabia

People who don't do well with sudden changes in temperature. Man, listen.

Hellishly hot during the day and even more hellishly cold at night. Dante would be thrilled.

God forbid you have any athletic activities close to sunset because you'll have to shower off that sweat quick before you freeze to death.

If anyone has a problem with the sound of the hairdryer after sundown, they're just gonna have to deal with it or risk catching your inevitable cold.

Speaking of, if sudden changes in temperature make you sick, double rip. I know your pain.

Kalim may not be able to come see you in person, but if he finds out you're sick, he'll send meds and some warm food. If that food was made by Jamil, then you owe him one.

You don't wanna owe him one.

If you need to leave your room after sundown, you're going to do it wrapped up with a blanket over your head. If someone mistakes you for a ghoul, that's their own problem.

Pomefiore

People with depression. Listen. Someone without depression could find it hard to keep such a strict regimen day in and day out; do not expect too much out of us.

If you think that means you're getting out of it, though, you'd be wrong.

Group accountability is a thing here. If you need help sticking to your routine, you're getting it. You can't refuse.

You're all going to be beautiful together, goddammit.

If that chronic fatigue be hittin ya, you might get a pass for a few steps of your routine. But if a particularly caring dormmate decides you have to do the full routine and straight up does it for you, lol.

Depending on how you view that sort of help, it might be really nice. Or maybe a little humiliating.

The dorm kitchen is only going to have healthy ready-made snacks. So if it's a day where you can't cook or go all the way to the cafeteria, that is what you're working with. Either that or you crawl your way over the the Shop for a candy bar.

Ignihyde

People who struggle with technology. Yes there are young people who aren't great with technology. We exist. Mind your business.

No matter how many classes you take teaching you how to use MagExcel, it never sticks for long. Even if you pass the exams, all your knowledge leaves to go buy milk by the time the week is over.

You're gonna need to interrupt people's gaming sessions to ask for help. It may annoy them, but you're doing it anyway because you refuse the reinvent the wheel 12 times.

People who prefer paper over screens. Call me old fashioned but staring at screens all day Hurts My Eyes.

You'd get physical copies of your textbooks if you could, but those free pdfs your classmates pass around are too tempting to pass up. They're free, for god's sake.

You also might be limited to board games on game nights. They're not bad, but there's not a whole lot you can do with them. You're a wiz at Cards Against Reality tho.

Every so often Ignihyde has a dorm-wide game night where everyone sits around in the common room with their headphones in, playing their own games. Together.

Though the board game players are in the next room. Oddly enough, they're the rowdiest of the bunch, and it sounds like they have the most fun by the way they're yelling and cheering.

You have seen some nerd fights start over a game of Ichi.

Diasomnia

People who have anxiety. One, Lilia is a menace. Two, your housewarden is the Malleus Draconia. Meep.

Whether it's Lilia or Malleus you run into, it feels like your heart will explode at any time.

Not to mention it's so dark in and outside of the building for no good reason. What's a fella gotta do to get some fucking sunlight in here? You're sick of worrying about what could be behind every corner.

You once wondered if Malleus needed a UV/heat lamp, but knew better than to ask. That doesn't mean you're not curious, though.

People who dislike loud sounds. I don't think I have to explain this one.

At first you thought that staying near Silver meant that you'd be staying away from Sebek, but that wasn't the case and you were at a loss as to what to do.

Then you tried going in the other direction whenever you saw Malleus, but all that did was send Sebek after you personally, asking very loudly why you did not want to be around Lord Malleus.

At one point, you got sick of his shit and muzzled him via magic. Then Malleus showed up and you were all oh shit. But then all he did was chuckle about how you were getting along so well. You took that to mean he wouldn't ever stop you from muzzling Sebek.

You were right.

[py-dreamer]

I can't believe this is the first goddamn video I post.

But times are funny like that aren't they?

Ok so as the thumbnail says, this is specifically for the first lmk fic I've written:

"When the sun sets forever."

Yes it's shadowpeach, how on earth did you guess. And if you've floated around my dreamscape for a while, you'll know my...

...very enthusiastic opinions of Macaque...

(I promise I do still like him, he's a great character, it's just I get pretty peeved by how the majority of the fandom portrays their relationship a lot of peeps bashing Wukong and saying Mac did nothing wrong-

I have a whole other post about this and the fic, I'm tired man, here're the links:

https://www.tumblr.com/py-dreamer/751398212493000704/oh-its-macaroni-learns-the-consequences-for

https://www.tumblr.com/py-dreamer/751119540805632000/rant-about-shadowpeach-warning-mac-slander)

But regardless, if you enjoy some Macaca slander, hop on board!

If you don't , good for you! Please don't harass anyone who thinks otherwise.

But to sum up:

In this fic we explore a scenario where Macaque finds a time alterating artifact after a huge spat on the mountain (that resulted in the clip above), uses that artifact to make it so he killed Tripitaka during JTTW. Then we see his pov in this universe where things have certainly changed drastically

...and not necessarily for the better.

People change. Friends or foes found dead or alive. Cities fall and some thrive.

But one thing I can assure you?

Neither of our mystic monkeys are having any fun until the end.

But yeah! Formal announcement post for my fic!

Yes this is a big reason why I've been absent for like a month

No I won't stop posting art. I'm taking a short break rn to get into the rhythm of drawing again

No there isn't a formal posting schedule, but I do have it in mind

No this isn't the big BIG project I've been working on for a few weeks

(Forgive me if I missed anything from s5, this was planned and written before that and I haven't watched it yet)

But enough about me!

I want to thank anyone who's already seen the fic and/or left kudos or comments

And I want to give an especially huge shoutout to @furornocturna for beta reading this thing!

Their work is great! And is one of the most enjoyable reads I've read in a long while

And since I haven't seen an official post for it yet...

SHABAM!!! Another great fic! She recently updated it too! It's about amnesiac Wukong who thinks Macaque is still his mate and MK is their child!

Wham bam, pajama sam's christmas ham: hijinks ensue

Very entertaining, good ol Macaque bashing

(she and I like to stand around him in a circle and give him a good whack with the consequences stick sometimes. It builds character.)

And parental Shadowpeach is always appreciated here. 10/10

I have not linked it but also check out:

Fractured pieces make a mosaic

Also written by her! Another great fic that delves into more of the sins of Macaque against EVERYONE not just Wukong

But about the video, yea just heard the audio and thought it'd be funny

I feel like Chang'e would definitely comfort a friend after some harsh words like what happens in the 1st chapter

Or at least she'd hear what Macaque did from Wukong and give massive side eye

(Especially since I figured she'd have a damn well knowledge of bad men *cough* *cough8 the reason Zhu Bajie got kicked out of heaven in the first place *cough* *cough*

I know they've rarely interacted in canon but hey, they've at least met on screen and we know Wukong can build a rocket to visit. Plus both being lonely immortals with cute animal subjects being theri only companions for centuries...

I have a feeling they'd get along somehow

They remind me of friends who exchange pics of their cute pet, only it's more like children for Wukong since they're literally his Sun family

And anyway the fandom pairs Mac and Chang'e just because they have a moon motif so let me have this goddamit.

[transtalesofdoom]

The Label Thing - personal experience

I've talked previously about labels I've considered, used, or decided not to use in passing. Let's talk about it in a bit more detail!

I like labels. It's a personal preference, and I understand why someone wouldn't, but I like having words to describe myself with. I like having a handful of terms to explain my experiences quickly. I also like knowing that there's more people with these experiences, grouped under my label. Makes it feel a little less lonely.

Before the whole gender thing, I had already picked out the labels of biromantic asexual. Gender never really meant anything to me, and why would I care about stuff like genitals if I didn't intend to interact with them. Opted for bi over pan because it sounded nicer and the flag was prettier.

And then the gender thing happened and I suddenly had an entirely new experience to describe. One that was still developing.

The first day after I had come out to myself, I neither liked the term "man" nor "trans" for myself. Both seemed too solid for what I was. I was a dude or a guy, but a man? There's the whole societal aspect to it, how trans men can get treated poorly for "becoming the enemy", that I won't get into here, but it definitely was at play. And "trans" had an oddly definitive feeling to it. Like I had a gender and goal in mind, when I very much didn't. This was weird to me, because I knew that's not how the label is used. Anything that isn't cis can be labeled as trans. But at first it felt like I was appropriating it.

Nonbinary was a pretty safe catch-all. I was, by the very definition, not binary. Nor did I think anyone else was, but that was beside the point. Genderqueer was another option worth considering, since my gender was most definitely queer, but something about it didn't really click with me. Maybe it was the flag and the fact that certain trans-exclusionists used the same colors because they fancied themselves suffragettes.

I became a little more comfortable with it as the compound of transmasc. That was me. I was transing into the masculine. Not very committal, but a descriptor of what I was up to with the gender.

I still liked the term "woman", weirdly enough. Having watched so many Woman-Power movies (shoutout to Oceans 8 and Birds of Prey specifically), it had taken a while for me to fully embrace that label to begin with, and once I had managed to find it empowering, I didn't want to let go of it again. Even if I was transmasc, "Woman" by Kesha was too good of a song to leave behind. I was a motherfucking woman!

I did a bit more snooping around into other labels to see if anything would stick. I found and read the comics by ND Stevenson, and came across the ones where he describes being bigender. And I liked that description. It resonated with me. Especially because he references the Kesha song, I guess. 'Vibrating between genders too fast to see' felt relatable. So maybe I was bigender?

But I wasn't vibrating between male and female. Those were a part of it, sure, but there was more. And also less. I was every gender and no gender simultaneously. And while that is a possible subgroup of bigender, it once again felt like using the term, although I liked it, wouldn't properly convey my experience.

That night I decided to coin "fuckgender", only to discover that not only did this label already exist, but it also described exactly what I was feeling. (Not to be confused with genderfuck.) And yet, while that was a fun little anecdote, it wasn't what I wanted from a label. And the fact that other people were using it, thereby turning it into a functioning microlabel, made it less appealing to me, somehow.

Instead, I decided to embrace "trans" as an umbrella term for the time being. I didn't really need to define it any further. "transmasculine nonbinary" worked well enough to convey my identity to others. I could elaborate for those who wanted to know more. For myself, the label was the same as my gender. It was kinda there and kinda not, both everything and nothing all at once. More of a general vibe than an actual word.

And that works for now. Maybe that will change. Probably, even. I might embrace bigender, or multigender, I might find my trans experience to be binary enough to go by trans man. Maybe I'll do a U-turn and become a nonbinary woman.

There's only one way to find out and personally, I'm excited for it.

[azuremist]

Alterhumanity and Autism (Script)

During my panel at this year's Othercon, I said that I would publicly post my panel's script, and my survey's results onto my tumblr, for easy archival purposes! (There is no way to submit Google Docs to archive.org that I'm aware of...)

This is the panel's script! What I said before the QnA part of the panel. Once the panel recording is uploaded, I'll reblog with the link to it, as well! The results for the survey will also be posted to this account shortly.

Here is the blurb that I originally wrote for the panel, on the schedule:

"This panel aims to explore the relationship between autism and alterhumanity, by looking at the history, the modern autistic community and what real alterhumans have to say on the topic. Why it is that neurodivergency is seemingly so common in the alterhuman community? Is it correlation, causation, or perhaps something in between?"

And, below is the script itself!

Hi, everyone! I am so excited to be speaking at Othercon this year and I hope everyone else is enjoying the 'con so far. My name is Azure! You may also call me Bede, as I answer to both. I like he/him, she/her and bun/buns pronouns, and I am a multitude of things! I am a demon (a fallen angel if you wanna get technical), and my main fictotype is, you'll never guess who based off my names, Bede from Pokemon. Shoutout to any Pokemonkin listening. I've been active in the alterhuman community for around 5 years now, and was the head and sole mod of ‘From Fictionkind’, which is a zine released in 2022, aiming to explore the experiences of those who have a fiction-based identity. If you are interested, you can download it here. (Send link)

I am a grab bag of disorders and disabilities, most of which I won't list, but what is relevant to this panel is that I am, in fact, autistic. Not only that, but I have done, by all metrics, way too much research into autism, and I am an autistic activist!

To preface: although this panel is going to specifically namedrop and talk about autism a lot, I am sure that a lot of different beings can relate to what I am going to talk about today. Not just other neurodivergencies and disabilities, either. Much of what I am going to be talking about today could resonate with any oppressed being's experiences. I welcome all discussion about the similarities of different experiences with open arms!

But, for the sake of transparency, I am not very good at talking off the cuff. So I am going to spend the bulk of this panel reading from a pre-prepared script. If anyone is interested in a transcript, it is available on Google Docs for viewing! I will send it in the panel chat right now, so that anyone who needs to may read along, for word-processing purposes. (Send link) This also means that I am not going to be looking at the chat a whole lot, so if there's something you'd particularly like for me to see, I encourage you to hold it until the end so that I can be sure to see it and give it the thought and recognition that it deserves. All this being said, I still will be looking at the chat occasionally.

To prepare for this panel, I took a survey polling autistic alterhumans, which was taking responses from March 7th to July 1st, so around 4 months. I was hoping for about maybe 90 participants, but that number was blown out of the water with over 500 responses!! I will be going over those results later on in the panel, and will also be referencing the anonymous freeform responses.

The very last point of my preamble here is to warn that this panel may not be suitable for all audiences. This lecture contains extended discussion of ableism, and, while I try to keep the mentions brief, there will be specific talk of disabled folks, including children, being hurt. If you're unable to handle that at this time, that is absolutely fine. Take care of yourself and have a great con!

This panel aims to explore the relationship between autism and alterhumanity, by looking at the history, the modern autistic community and what real alterhumans have to say on the topic. I hope to, perhaps not explain, but look into why it is that neurodivergency is seemingly so common in the alterhuman community, and whether it's because of correlation, causation, or perhaps something in between.

Now, let's start off with a question and feel free to try and guess: What do fairies, aliens, and crystals all have in common? Do we have any guesses?

The correct answer is that all 3 of these things have been used to try and claim autistic children are nonhuman!

Let's get into the specifics, starting from the top with fairies.

The changeling is a form of fairy found in European folklore. Also referred to as an "oaf" historically, a changeling is a fairy that is left in the place of an identical human child, when they are stolen away by other fairies. This is to say, parents believed that their human child was being replaced by an identical fairy child. There were multiple tricks that were thought to fend this off. When you believe you already have a changeling, though... There were less ways to go about that. Historical records and tales about changelings unfortunately imply that the solution chosen for a changeling child was often times infanticide.

Many modern psychologists now believe that most tales of changelings developed in an attempt to explain disabled children. This includes, but is not limited to, deformities, Down syndrome, Williams syndrome, cerebral palsy, and, of course, autism. The fact that boys are more often born with birth defects lines up with the touted belief that boys were more likely to be taken by fairies.

Furthermore, see "regressive autism". This so-called phenomena occurs when a child appears to develop, quote-unquote, "normally", until they start showing symptoms of autism in their later years. Now, what actually happens in these cases is that they never noticed their child's autistic traits until those later years. But the fact that there is still a name for this sudden perceived shift in an autistic child shows the sheer amount of cases there are like this, even today. Now, imagine how bad it was hundreds of years ago, before we even had a word for autism. This "sudden shift" perspective very much parallels the supposed markings of your child being replaced by a changeling.

Second verse, same as the first: aliens. Although the term "starseed" has been picked up in the alterhuman community as a way to describe one's self as an alien, "starseeds", or "star children", didn't originate in the alterhuman community. Their existence is a theory put forth by Brad Seiger in his 1976 book, titled "Gods of Aquarius". It posits that some humans originated as extraterrestrials, and arrived on Earth through either birth or by taking over an existent human body.

Generally agreed-upon signs that you or someone you love is a starseed, according to believers, include that person feeling like they don't belong, being hyperempathetic (which is a sign of autism, despite what the stereotypes would have you believe), introversion, and... Actually, I'm going to quote this in its entirety. In "What Is A Starseed & 50 Clear Signs You Are One", published by The Spirit Nomad, the first listed sign is, quote, "You are highly sensitive. You easily feel overwhelmed and drained when you are in a place with many people and with intense stimuli – like shopping malls, clubs, and networking events. You might also be sensitive to stimulants like coffee, alcohol and even dark chocolate." Endquote.

You think I'm joking about these things just listing autism symptoms. I'm not!

Finally... Crystals. Crystal children and indigo children are both believed to be sort of the next step in scientific evolution, according to New Age circles. More specifically, crystal children are the newest generation, while indigo children were the first wave, from around the 70s to the 90s. I'll just be calling both of these 'waves' crystal children for the sake of simplicity, but know that they are just two waves of the same thing. Crystal children are believed to possess special or supernatural abilities, such as telepathy. Autistic children having telepathy, as we all know, is the plot of Mob Psycho 100.

Signs that your child is a crystal child include high empathy, being perceived as 'strange' by others or intelligent for their age (see the autistic gifted kid phenomenon), and being sensitive to the point of fussing in crowded spaces. It's also said that crystal children may struggle in socially conventional schools, because of their dislike of rigid authority, being smarter than their teachers, and their lack of response to guilt, fear, or manipulation-based discipline. (Read: indirect communication.)

It is actually a noted phenomenon that many parents, when confronted with a diagnosis like a learning disability, ADHD, or autism, will alternatively label their child as a crystal child. Autism researcher Mitzi Waltz noted this phenomenon, and spoke about it in a 2009 issue of The Journal of Religion, Disability & Health. He suggests that parents recategorize autistic symptoms as telepathic powers to attempt to reconceptualize these autistic traits as a part of a more conventionally positive identity. He also puts into words why this can be harmful, stating that parents could refuse to acknowledge their child's impairments, refuse accommodations, and, quote, "transmit belief systems to the child that are self-aggrandizing, confusing, or potentially frightening." Endquote.

Believe it or not, there are actually MORE examples of myths or conspiracy theories that attempt to explain autistic children as nonhuman. But, I will leave it at those three.

Let's take a brief look into modern media now. Specifically, the "autistic-coded robot" trope. A lot of times, when humans try to write robots, or AI or such, they think that they can just take all essential things that make humanity what it is, and take away a few things. Make them not express empathy, they don't get nonliteral phrases, they obviously speak in monotone. We could sprinkle in a little bit of feeling out of place with humanity for flavor aaaand it's autistic. Your robot is autistic. To name some examples of this trope, think Data from Star Trek, or Zane from Ninjago.

This trope is more or less echoed, beat for beat, with the autistic-coded alien trope. Examples of this flavor of the trope include Peridot from Steven Universe, Spock from Star Trek, or, and I'm sorry for anyone who I'm about to violently throw back into 2016 with this, Keith from Voltron.

Because nonhumanity is so often linked to autistic beings by the culture around us, desiring to be nonhuman or connecting with nonhumanity is now a recognized part of autistic culture. We often feel out of place in neurotypical society. Join autistic spaces, and you’ll see jokes like, “What kind of nonhuman did you think you were as a kid?” (In case you’re wondering, the answer is werewolf for me.) Growing up thinking that the reason behind your autistic traits is because you are secretly nonhuman is a common experience. Jokes about desiring a tail and to purr often go viral within autistic spaces, because they are forms of natural and nonverbal communication that shows those around us that we are happy. The topic of nonhumanity within autistic culture is also talked about within professional settings, such as in Kim Duff’s speech, “The Role of Changeling Lore in Autistic Culture”, at the 1999 Autreat conference of Autism Network International.

There is also discussion of how autistic beings oftentimes connect with animals better than with humans. For example, Temple Grandin is an autistic animal behavioralist who has written extensively on how her being autistic helps her understand how animals feel. For example, she speaks in 2004’s, “Animals in Translation: Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior”, and in 1997’s “Thinking the Way Animals Do: Unique Insights from a Person with a Singular Understanding”.

In more modern times, we have the 2022 article, “How Autism Connects Me With Animals”, in which Emily Moran Barwick, writes, quote, “I knew how profoundly frustrating, isolating and demoralizing it was to be unable to convey what I wanted to convey. I knew how it felt to never be truly understood. And it broke my heart thinking of what non-human animals were experiencing at the hands of humans; that no matter how desperately and clearly they communicated their terror and pain, they were ignored and discounted.” Endquote.

All of these connections have led to the creation of subcultures created in an attempt to reclaim the dehumanization put onto us. To name one example, voidpunk is a subculture created by tumblr user arotaro in the 2010s, and more or less hinges on this idea. Key points of this subculture include the rejection of the norm, embracing nonhumanity, and comfort in the unknown. In the words of it’s creator, quote, “It’s not the same as otherkin because it’s not really like, “Ah yes, I am a cat/dragon/wolf/that one guy from Homestuck/etc.”, it’s not necessarily something specific, and it’s not necessarily literally believing you’re something other than human. It’s, well, punk. Society puts out a lot of messages about What It Means To Be Human (trademark) that can make a lot of people who don’t completely fit the bill feel lost, broken, alone, or like they’re doing something wrong; Voidpunk is about taking that message of “you’re not human”, making it your own, and throwing it back in society’s face. You say I’m not human? Sure, ok. That’s chill. Why does being Human (trademark) have to be a goal to aspire to anyway? What’s so great about humanity?” Endquote. She then goes on to specifically namedrop neurodivergents as one of the target audiences for the subculture, as well. She also later answers an ask to clarify, quote, “Someone who doesn’t face dehumanization cannot be voidpunk.” Endquote.

So, where does all of this information intersect with the notable number of autistic alterhumans? Well, that’s just the question, isn’t it? Is it possible that alterhuman identity may correlate with those who have identities and neurotypes which are demonized by society? After all, queer beings are common within alterhuman spaces, too. And, if there is a correlation, is there causation there, as well? There are already some terms coined to describe when alterhuman identity is caused or influenced by autistic traits; such as ‘otherspin’, a term for when one’s alterhuman identity is caused / influenced by special interests. Furthermore, ‘altervexo’ attempts to describe identifying as alterhuman out of spite for the dehumanization one has faced. However, to my knowledge, no term has been made or extensive talks had about, voluntary or nonvoluntary, alterhuman identity, as possibly having origins within dehumanization.

So, I set out to have that conversation. As stated at the start of this panel, I ran a survey, mostly promoted on tumblr, from March 7th to July 1st, posing questions to the autistic alterhuman community about their personal experiences, which got over 500 responses! 537, to be exact. I’d like to share the results of this survey with you now. The raw data collected is available here. (Send link) I will also be posting both the raw data, and the script for this panel, to my tumblr, @azuremist, but that’s mostly for easy archival purposes. Now, it’s NUMBERS TIME, baby!

I asked everyone to indicate if they agreed or disagreed with the statements I made. For the statement, “I believe that my autism has influenced my alterhumanity in some way, shape, or form,” 92% of those who took my survey agreed, and 8% disagreed, which is a WILD split. Far beyond notable.

For the statement, “I feel like the way that autistic beings are seen by society has influenced my alterhumanity”, the split is a bit more even, with 72.4% agreeing, and 27.6% disagreeing.

This means that, of those who I polled who agreed that autism influenced their alterhumanity, 78.6% (rounding down) also agreed that the way autistic beings are viewed in society influenced their alterhumanity. This is a rate a bit over 3 in every 4.

This next question is one of the things that I asked more out of personal curiosity, which is, whether or not they feel more safe to be openly autistic in alterhuman spaces, when compared to other community spaces. Of those polled, 89.4% agreed, and 10.6% disagreed, which makes me quite happy! One anonymous being commented, quote, “I generally find that most alterhuman spaces are a lot more accepting of autistic beings than wider society if that makes sense? Going into an alterhuman space, I'm never concerned that it may not be safe or accessible for me.” Endquote. Someone else wrote in that they could testify to the opposite being true, as well; autistic spaces, in their experience, had a higher likelihood of being accepting of alterhuman identities. However, one being who answered ‘no’ to this question stated that they avoid alterhuman spaces for things related to this subject. They list as an example, quote, “Like the refusal of tone tags? I understand not wanting them to be used for you but banning them from the space all together? And also a lot of spaces, despite being accepting of autistic beings, still find a way to hate those beings for being autistic.” Making community spaces safe for autistic beings is an ongoing learning process for everyone involved. So please make sure to consult your local autistic advocate to make sure everything is accessible for those of all neurotypes.

For the next questions, I asked about everyone’s specific experience with alterhumanity. Another question that I asked, mostly out of curiosity, is, “Would you consider alterhumanity, as a subject, a special interest?” 64.8% of respondents answered ‘no’, and 35.2% answered ‘yes’.

The next question, though, is really quite interesting to me. It asks, “If you have any kintypes which originate from a piece of media: Would you consider that kintype's source material a special interest?” 69% of respondents (nice) answered ‘yes’, and 31% answered ‘no’. That’s a pretty close percentage to the question about alterhumanity as a special interest, but with the answers flipped. Indeed, many times in the section where I invite others to talk about their experience, there are respondents specifically namedropping that they believe their special interests contribute to their alterhumanity. Some, but not all, of these instances include a space conceptkin who has space as a special interest, two catkin, with one having Warrior Cats as a past special interest, and the other, cats in general as one, and someone who specifically wrote, quote, “I also feel as though my special interests in some medias have influenced the fact that I identify with both real and fictional species. For example, I have a large number of original characters who are demons and I feel like my special interest in them may have led me down the path of discovering myself as demonkin.” When discussing the subject of autism influencing alterhumanity, special interests were easily the thing that came up the most, other than how autistic beings are seen by neurotypical society.

The final multiple choice question I had asked, “If you have a nonhuman kintype of any kind: Do you experience species dysphoria and/or euphoria?” To this, 85.9% answered ‘yes’, and 14.1% answered ‘no’.

We can compare this to a survey not aimed at autistic alterhumans; specifically, the ‘Alterhumanity and Gender Survey’, as conducted by Eli, at pantomorph on tumblr. These results were posted on July 22nd of 2019, and reported that, in response to the question, “Do you experience species dysphoria?”, 4.9% answered ‘I used to,’ 8.9% answered ‘unsure’, 22.7% answered ‘no’, 36% answered ‘sometimes’ and 27.6% answered ‘yes’. Adding up the percentages of ‘I used to’, ‘sometimes’ and ‘yes’, we get 68.5% of respondents who are certain that they have, at some point, experienced species dysphoria.

This means that, according to these surveys, autistic alterhumans appear to have a higher chance of experiencing species dysphoria, with a 17.5% difference. Though, keep in mind, I included euphoria in my question, and Eli did not. This would certainly require more data to confirm, however, this at least would warrant further polling, in my opinion.

All of this talk about autistic beings and species dysphoria may have you thinking about the fact that autistic beings are statistically more likely to identify as transgender, with some estimates stating that transgender individuals are up to 6 times more likely to be autistic than cisgender individuals! This is because gender is stupid, and autistic folks are not. Multiple respondents to the survey brought this point up. One being specifically wrote in, quote, “Statistically, autistic folks are more likely to know they're trans than allistics, and I support the theory that that's got something to do with autistic beings seeing things without the lens of social cues and societal pressures, including more awareness of who we are and how we see ourselves. … Society is like, "You should be like this," and autistics are like, "But why? It doesn't really make sense, plus I don't fit in to those standards anyway, so why not choose my own path in life?"” Endquote. I definitely agree that the reason so many autistic folks identify as transgender may be similar to, or the same, reason that autistic folks seem to be more likely to be alterhuman.

Hello to all trans autistic alterhumans listening! Call that a triple threat.

Now, the final question that I asked. I listed multiple different alterhuman identities, and asked everyone to indicate which, if any, of the provided labels that they identify with. And, indeed, my hypothesis when going into this question was proven correct. Of the terms that I provided, it was “nonhuman” that most autistic alterhumans identified with specifically, with 74.9% of respondents identifying as nonhuman. Other popular answers to this question included ‘therian’, with 57.5%, and fictionkin with a nonhuman fictional character. Indeed, I did put two separate options for fictionkin, where they could indicate if their fictional kintype was human or not. 45.1% of respondents had a nonhuman fictotype, and 41.2% of respondents had a human fictotype. So, autistic fictionkin appear to have around a 9% (rounding down) higher likelihood to identify with nonhuman fictional characters. Unfortunately, I could not find another survey to compare this statistic against, but it is a statistic we have now, nonetheless.

Furthermore, I specifically listed 3 common kintypes that have been associated with autistic beings, as previously discussed: fairies, aliens, and robots / technology. Of these, techkin was easily the most popular, with 19.9% of respondents identifying as such. Alienkin and fairykin were close in numbers, with 11.2% identifying as alienkin, and 11.9% identifying as fairykin. On the subject of being robotkin, one being wrote, quote, “I do not on a literal, physical level believe I’m a robot, however, tropes related to robots and the way they behave and are treated feel analogous to my own lived experiences, so in some ways it feels as though I experience my life as a robot would.” Endquote.

Which segways nicely into the final question, which is the filled in responses. For this question, I prompted, “If you have anything you'd like to add, please tell me about your experiences involving your alterhumanity and autism.”

Many took the chance to speak on if they felt like their autism and alterhumanity were connected. As previously mentioned, lots of folks mentioned special interests as a factor. Lots of folks also said that they felt the two were connected, but couldn’t explain how, with a common sentiment being that it is a ‘chicken or the egg’ situation. Two different beings whose kintypes are their past lives wrote in, and both said that a hypothetical allistic version of them wouldn’t be able to get memories as easily. Multiple beings also wrote that they felt like the awakening process was made easier due to their autism. They were so used to seeing themselves as different from everybody else, and not understanding social cues, that they were more willing to take on, quote-unquote, “weird” solutions as the source of their feelings. Other commonly-mentioned points include dehumanization as a reason for alterhumanity, autistic traits being seen as similar to animalistic traits, and the possibly-related high rate of autistic pagans and witches.

Something that I didn’t expect going in, but perhaps should have, is the amount of autistic alterbeings who wrote about their struggle to find words to describe themselves. One ghostkin wrote they felt like their nonconformity to their kintype’s typical associated traits (like darkness, doom and gloom, et cetera) was due to their autism, but that they felt they didn’t belong with other ghostkin because of it. And a LOT of folks wrote in saying that they had a lot of trouble figuring out what terminology to use, especially regarding the ever-dreaded ‘identify with’ or ‘identify as’ question. One being wrote in that they see themself as psychological otherkin, but would be more accurately described as having a neurotype-based, or neurology-based, origin, due to their autism. However, this has caused some issues, as it is not seen as a, quote-unquote, ‘valid’ origin. Someone else describes having issues with this because the community does a lot of gatekeeping, and because it is easier to find beings complaining about words being misused than the actual use of words.

Now, there are some responses that I would like to read in full, or mostly in full, for your listening pleasure.

The first one is as follows. Quote. “When I was 6-ish, I started noticing that people treated me a bit like they treated our old Windows ‘98 Dell computer. The computer was inhuman when it worked (and praised for its distance from humanity! “Yes, it can play videos from the internet! Isn’t technology cool?”) and human when it broke down (“He’s getting overwhelmed, give us a sec.” “She’s blinking at me. I have no idea why this is such a difficult task.” “It ate my fucking CD. Stubborn POS.”). It’s a bit frustrating that my autistic traits are only praised when they make me convenient for others to use... I’m self-sufficient, I’m quiet, I’m a fast learner and a thorough researcher, so I rarely need to bother another person to complete the tasks I’m given. But because that’s all anyone ever seems to want me for... It’s a self-fulfilling cycle which is useful for the neurotypicals but exhausting for me, and when it ends in a burnout (inevitable) then I’m finally treated as human, but only because I’ve failed to be the computer they wanted. So I’m a computer when someone’s pleased with me, and I’m human when I’ve disappointed them. You can see why I might like the idea of being a PC more than a person. Also, when something’s wrong, computers’ error messages are both clearer and harder to ignore than a human’s requests for accommodation. This is a bit of a bummer, sorry. The upside is that I’m crazy good at data analysis now.” Endquote. This was excellently put, and I’m sure something that may resonate with autistic techkin.

Another write-in reads, quote, “One does not have to be autistic to be alterhuman or nonhuman, but one does have to be autistic to be my species. My species does not have human neurology, or allistic neurology. To be my species one must be autistic… though it’s more that my species has neurology which allistics will refer to as autism. I could not be my species if I wasn’t autistic.” Endquote. This is a very interesting response, and, to be honest, I sort of wish I knew what this being’s species was so that I could look more into it. It’s almost like a sort of alternate view of autistic nonhumans or autistic aliens, which is just lovely.

Then, there is this submission. Quote, “Diagnosed with autism at 15, explained a lot, I can't help but wonder - if I'd known, would I still dehumanize myself in the way I do? Other kids called me "cat boy" because when they would pick on me, I'd hiss at them. I don't know why. I think I just saw my cats do it and it was the only way I knew how to retaliate. But it just made them laugh. ... I stopped seeing myself as human a long time ago, more of an animal for people's amusement. ... But when I found out about otherkin, it was like suddenly this experience of mine I was certain I was alone in was shared. For some people it's spiritual, but even in our differences, our feelings were the same. The community  taught me to love this nonhuman side of me, and they were understanding of my diagnosis. I didn't feel like an outcast there, they made me feel like it was something to cherish, and I do.” Endquote. Again, absolutely very well-said. Reclaiming and celebrating nonhumanity is, from what I’ve gathered, a large part of the autistic alterhuman experience, and this response phrased it just wonderfully.

Lastly, in regards to responses: shoutout to the one guy who said, “I just finished making my first ever tail, isn’t that sick?”, because yes, yes it is.

Thank you so much again to all the respondents to my survey!

And so, we have now reached the discussion section, which will last until my time runs out. This is where I will cease looking at a script, so please send anything you’d particularly like me to see now! Also, feel free to ask me questions, and I will answer to the best of my ability. Alternatively, tell me about your experiences, or just give general comments!

[bvckandeddie]

Tumblr Fandom: A Year in Review 2023

i was tagged by @captain-hen, thank you! 🥰

i was tempted to skip the top five blorbos/fandoms/pairings section because let's be honest, it's really only been buck and eddie for the entire year, but i do have other interests even if i'm not as involved in them as i am in buddie. so enjoy learning more about my ao3 history, i guess? 😂

top 5 blorbos:

evan "buck" buckley (9-1-1)

eddie diaz (9-1-1)

roy kent (ted lasso)

clint barton (marvel)

billy butcher (the boys) (i literally started watching this show two weeks ago but y'know what? i'm adding it. butcher is just so blorbo shaped.)

top 5 fandoms:

9-1-1

avatar: the last airbender (for anyone who doesn't know, my atla sideblog is @zukkababey!)

marvel

ted lasso

teen wolf

top 5 pairings:

evan buckley/eddie diaz (9-1-1)

roy kent/jamie tartt (ted lasso)

clint barton/bucky barnes (marvel)

arthur/eames (inception)

billy butcher/hughie campbell (the boys)

shoutout to some new friends:

i've talked to so many new people this year who have really made me feel included in the 9-1-1 fandom, namely @devirnis, @colonoscopys, @shitouttabuck, @housewifebuck, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @vampbuckley and @buck2eddie. i love seeing you all in my notifications, and so many of you have been so encouraging, especially during my writing drought that's been persisting for months. y'all are great 🥹🫶

shoutout to some old friends:

i'm kinda new here but @eddiediaaz, i'm pretty sure you were my first ever 9-1-1 mutual that i talked to and you really made me feel so so welcome in the fandom when i posted my first buddie fic back in 2022. i will always be grateful for that and you!!! ❤️

favourite creation you posted this year:

it's definitely gotta be what a heart can do. i love dad buck so much, i had such a fun time writing it, and i think it's some of my best storytelling. it makes me really happy that so many people have read and enjoyed it!

favourite creation posted by someone else this year:

THIS VIDEO by @butchdiaz. holy fucking shit. i'm sure everyone reading this has already seen it, but ohhhhh my god. this video rearranged my molecules. i can't listen to ceilings without thinking about it. the way you edited it to match so many important buddie moments, it genuinely makes me feel so insane. i re-watched it last night and i'm still vibrating just thinking about it.

people who brightened your year:

so many people!!! @negansmiith made a graphic for hurt locker that basically made my whole year! it is saved in my camera roll and i look back on it frequently. 🥰 @housewifebuck made a beautiful hat that i am genuinely obsessed with. check out their shop!!! anyone who has ever read my silly tags on a post i reblogged and dm'd me to chat about it—i love you.

anyone else you'd like to mention:

everyone who has read my fics or commented on them telling me your thoughts, thank you. seriously. just know that when i read your comment(s), i was twirling my hair and kicking my feet back and forth and squealing and smiling so hard my cheeks started to hurt. every single comment made 2023 that much brighter.

five of your favourite authors this year:

@gayhoediaz - every time i get an email that you've posted a buddie fic, i know that i have a bedtime story for that night. i know it's gonna be a good one, every single time.

@devirnis - i read your fic about buck and eddie ring shopping and getting caught up in a robbery and i've never looked back. i've read so many of your fics this year (and tbh, thank god i still have more to read) and i'm looking forward to reading all the ones that you have in the works!!!

@colonoscopys - i’m pretty sure that i binged basically all of your fics this year and i don’t regret a single thing (except maybe going through them too fast). god, i love your writing.

@rewritetheending - gosh the way you’re able to get to the heart of emotions and describe them in a way that puts an ache in my chest makes me want to claw the ground until my fingernails break off. my fave fic of yours is still while we do what lovers do and i know it wasn’t posted in 2023 but i needed to shout it out here because goddddddd. i still think about it all the time.

@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels - i enjoyed reading your halloween fics this year so much, particularly your dark buddie au. sometimes you just gotta imagine your wholesome, already in love blorbos be absolutely unhinged and crazy about each other, and that’s perfectly normal. i actually remember looking for a dark buddie fic when i first joined the fandom and there were none, so i’m glad my wish was fulfilled, especially when it was done so damn well.

five of your favourite artists/gifmakers/podficcers/etc. this year:

@try-set-me-on-fire - you could have gone under fave authors too, but i fucking love your art style. i don't know art terms so forgive me, but something about the messiness and abstractness scratches this itch deep in my brain and they evoke such unnameable feelings that want to burst out of my ribcage. ugh!!!!!! if you sold prints i'd be checking out in two seconds flat.

@butchdiaz - i know i already waxed poetic about your ceilings edit, but i love your edits/gifs too, particularly this one. it's so simple but so beautiful and fucking devastating. the gif aspect is subtle but intentional (buck fading to black and white while the blood stays red?????? KILL ME!). i'd eat your gifs if i could.

@shitouttabuck - you could go under fave authors too (hello i love you like a dog fic) but i wanted to shout you out here because you are so fucking funny. every single edit you post makes me giggle out loud. tbh i didn't even realize they were all from you until i started scrolling through your edit tag looking for this post. i can't get over it. i literally laughed at it AGAIN when i found it.

@eddiediaaz - you are constantly feeding the 911 fandom. you make so many gifsets on so many different sideblogs that i'm sure no one actually knows how many gifs you're constantly making. and every single one is so goddamn good??? and they're so creative. like this one??? there are so many things going on, i can't even fathom how the hell you did it. gifmakers are magic, i swear.

@iinryer - YOUR ART FUELS ME. your style is so *clenches fist* fucking cool. the lines are simple but they still look like the characters?? i admire that so, so much because i know if i ever tried that they'd look so wonky, lol. i think about juice box chim all the damn time and i don't know where i've been lately but this one with buck and chris??? it's so soft and sweet and vulnerable, with the way buck is holding him and chris is nestled. GOD. everything you make is gold.

three (+1) things you're looking forward to in 2024:

getting my masters degree!

getting a job, maybe???

posting more buddie fic 👀

+ season 7 of 911, obviously.

i’m sure i’ve missed some people inadvertently but this was really fun to do! at this time of year, with the short days and cold weather (at least for some of us), i think we could all do with a little bit of joy and a brighter day. i really love this fandom and i'm so grateful to be a part of it!

tagging everyone i mentioned in this post, if you haven’t already done it and want to participate! ❤️

[mostlymaudlin]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading! 

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.  

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3

[the-one-who-lambs]

AO3 Questions Tag Game!

I was tagged by @bamsara (on my main @onethirdofimpossible but most of my readers follow me here for cotl stuff so I'm posting it here)

I tag @i-eat-deodorant and @megsiepoo!

Under the readmore because this is long as shit

1 – How many works do you have on AO3?

69 BAYBEEEE

2 – What’s your total AO3 word count?

213,360 words published

3 – What fandoms do you write for?

Previously: Pokemon (no longer online), Steven Universe, a few Deep-Sea Prisoner games (Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea, The Grey Garden, Ice Scream)

Currently: Cult of the Lamb

4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Care and Keeping of Eldritch Gods. Until the rewrite of RL/FG is done, this is my magnum opus

Present My first ever CotL fic. This was the first time I'd written fic in like four years and I was dusting off my writing muscles...

Smitten soft narilamb....

Cat(nip) Boy wrote this for shits and giggles in my early fandom days. The One Who Waits on catnip

How Narinder Takes His Tea First part of the old RL/FG series. Though I'm remaking it as a longform multichap fic, I'm keeping up the old series because of the memories + I don't want other people who saved the old one to lose it.

5 – Do you respond to comments?

All the time! I was able to respond to literally every single comment back in 2022, but as last year went on, I realized I probably can't realistically do that anymore. It's a blessing and a curse.

6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

We already knew how this would turn out. Title not given directly in my answer in case of spoilers. My readers saw it coming because I had built up to it, but I took my time writing the gradual reveal in the last chapter to make sure it landed the way I wanted it to.

And one more comment I won't post here bc (for anyone who wants to read it) spoils the ending but shoutout to the person who physically felt the shock lurch through their body when the realization hit them after the slow build-up.

As much as I love angsty stories with happy endings, what gets me more are stories that are happy at face value, with endings that are heartwrenching because of the underbelly of what lurked beneath that facade.

7 – What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God. Bit a spoilers below if you're avoiding that

The original wedding fic (as part of the original series) is up, but it's going to get a good polishing in the rewrite. Lambert and Narinder are going to have a private first dance, Thenana and Narinder are going to have a deeper conversation, Ratau's interactions with Lambert are gonna be shown rather than just told, Aym and Baal will be revived.

8 – Do you get hate on fics?

Mostly no. There was one time last year that I was compared to another writer in the fandom and slowly asks evolved into "your own concepts are being done better by others" and shit, and the other writer got hate messages as well, and... well, it was a whole thing. Don't wanna talk too in detail about it because I don't wanna beat a dead horse but cotl writers have unionized so we got the last laugh I guess

9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol ya it's on remainderofreality. What "kind?" uh. experimental because I'd never tried the genre before this fandom and it kinda shows but that's okay.

10 – Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Honestly, I'm not really into crossovers! Unless it's Webber in cotl. He can stay, he's cute.

11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah. It was actually the first fic I posted online, ever. In middle school, I wrote a whole ~100k-ish word self-insert pokemon fanfic, which I wrote by hand in like five composition notebooks, so I never posted that online. But after that I decided to post shorter one-shots for pokemon online, and a few months later I found one of mine reposted without credit. Plagiarized entirely, basically. It scared me and I deleted everything I had posted online, and I don't have extra copies of the works now. :(

12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I'd be okay with it if I was asked beforehand and proper credit was given!

13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yeah! Of Duty and Devotion is basically a glorified roleplay between me as Aym, @i-eat-deodorant as Baal, @checkplzjuliet as The Lamb, and @surfdudeboy as Narinder. I also wrote Hide and Seek, a cute little Bishop family one-shot, with @lordiedams (hi Damien I miss you).

14 – What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Narilamb. I haven't focused on a ship for this long, except maybe Rupphire back in the day, but I'm fixated so much more on CotL than I was for SU.

15 – What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly, Of Duty and Devotion lmao. I'm much more focused on my own projects and so are Pavi, Surf, and Juliet. I do want to finish it though.

16 – What are your writing strengths?

Pacing, diction, syntax, getting the intended point across and doing it well. Once I commit to doing something, I don't usually let myself "give up" on it, hence why I barely have any unfinished WIPs. That's a skill honed with tons of practice, though. I have massive ADHD, and I'm bad at finishing things, but when it comes to writing by god I'm gonna do it.

17 – What are your writing weaknesses?

I often struggle to get to a point where I'm totally focused in on what I'm writing. It does happen once or twice a month, but honestly, I'm usually so busy with life stuff that I don't get to do that most of the time! I wish I had more time to make room for my hobbies, but alas. At least summer is coming up, and I'll be able to do that more often, hopefully!

18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's possible to do it naturally for sure, but I rarely see it done well in fic. I've never attempted it...... or, wait, have I? I guess Thenana's sign language counts, huh? ...I feel like I need to do more research about this topic to answer the question properly.

19 – First fandom you wrote for?

Pokemon <3

20 – Favorite fic you’ve written?

The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God or The Care and Keeping of Eldritch Gods.

Risen/Fallen (and the enemies-to-lovers narilamb dynamic) was like the first thing that I did to make a "mark" on this fandom, and I didn't expect it to inspire so many people for sure! But, the first iteration of the series was so rushed. I wrote the whole thing in just over three weeks and averaged one chapter published every day and a half. Now that I have a better grasp on the characters after playing with them for a long while, I get to see my improvement, and I get to see so many friends I've made along the way sticking with me, the revamped "director's cut" version is definitely on track to be my favorite work.

However. It has yet to surpass Care and Keeping. As the oldest of four kids in my family, I based so much of Shamura on my experiences as an eldest sibling, and many of the experiences the younger bishops had in their formative years on our own childhoods. I based Narinder's childhood off of brother #1's (brother who is two years younger than me), Kallamar's childhood on my own, Heket's childhood on my sister's (five years younger than me), and Leshy's off of my youngest brother's (ten years younger than me). This story wasn't just an exploration of the Bishops and their dynamic/relationship pre-canon, it's also a testament to my own love as an eldest sibling... and all the anxiety associated with that, too.

Thanks for tagging me! Back to working on my presentation...

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: Hide And Seek (Ding Dong!)

This was Voiceplay's Halloween video of 2022, released on the 8th of October, and features Lauren Paley, who I don't really know anything about, but apparently she's popular on Tiktok and is known as "the stairwell siren" due her typical choice of singing location. The song is originally a Vocaloid song, but Voiceplay gave it a little bit (understatement of the century) of Disney flair, or more specifically, Disneyland flair, as the video is filmed as if you were watching a performance inside the Haunted Mansion attraction at Disneyland, literally. This might not be one of my most-favourite videos to watch or VP songs to listen to, but I gotta admit that the visual stuff is freaking insane in this video, and I do have a fair few things to talk about with this one, so let's get into it!

(Warning: this post includes a fair bit of infodumping)

I'll get to each person individually in a minute, but first check out the set design! Like a lot of Voiceplay's videos nowadays. this was filmed at Pattycake Productions studios, and Tony Wakim was heavily involved with this one - credited with costuming, props, puppeteering, and direction, so shoutout to him! And shoutout also to Layne, the other half of Pattycake Productions, who arranged the cover and was in charge of the video concept.

I've never been to DisneyLand/World (I've never even been overseas, and there are no Disney parks in Australia), but when I was a little younger (like during mid high school?) I went through a bit of a phase of interest in Disney parks, wanting to learn stuff about them and watching shows from the parks on YouTube and stuff (if only I had been watching shows from Universal Studios in Orlando...), so I'm not entirely unfamiliar with the Haunted Mansion ride/attraction, and I currently have Disney Wiki on hand to help provide further elaboration and comparison pictures.

Alright, character time!

Let's start with Cesar in the middle, who is absolutely serving as Madame Leota, a disembodied head in a crystal ball who conducts "an otherworldly séance in an attempt to summon spirits and assist them in materializing." (And I'm not meant to be talking about the arrangement, but I would feel bad if I didn't mention that the "serpents and spiders" incantation that Cesar does before the beat kicks in is actually part of Madame Leota's incantation, not from the Hide And Seek song!) (Also fun fact: Madame Leota was originally voiced by Eleanor Audley, who also voiced both Lady Tremaine in Cinderella and Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty!)

Could you immediately tell based on just the thumbnail which one was Layne and which one was Geoff? I did actually get it right (could I really call myself a devoted Geoff stan if I didn't?), but honestly I did start to second-guess myself a little.

So in the left-hand column here, we have Layne, and my god Tony and Rick Underwood both really went off for this one. Layne is playing the Hatbox Ghost, who looks like this!

And if it weren't enough to be wondering how long Layne spent in the makeup chair for his extremely ghostly appearance (note that he's also completely clean-shaven, which is quite rare for him, but obviously necessary for the character look), then next we have Geoff, in the right-hand column, and do you see why I don't watch this video a lot? 😅 (I'm mostly joking, I'm not that shallow, but he's still practically unrecognisable!)

Geoff is playing The Caretaker (who apparently has the semi-official name of Silas Crump), who is the groundskeeper for the mansion and its adjacent cemetery, and he is terrified of the undead residents within the manor. He looks like this!

(Geoff, I know you love to call yourself "old [and boring]", but this is ridiculous 🤣)

(Not even 30 seconds into the video yet! Shoutout to anyone who actually reads this whole post!)

Next, we have Lauren, who is playing "The Bride". Apparently there were two iterations of this character in The Haunted Mansion, and I'm not sure which one Lauren is playing, or whether she's going for a mix of both, but here are pictures of the two versions:

The second iteration of The Bride (on the right) is known as Constance Hatchaway (not a typo!), and is one of the figures depicted in the Stretching Room's portraits. Apparently she had a habit of decapitating her husbands with a hatchet (hence the surname), and then stuffing their heads inside of hatboxes as trophies (lovely). According to lore, one of her husbands came into the possession of the manor now known as the Haunted Mansion, which she then inherited after her husband met the same grisly fate as all the previous ones did.

And finally we have Eli, perhaps the most recognisable member in this one, as Alexander Nitrokoff, another figure from the Stretching Portrait Gallery. He looks like this: (and yes, this portrait basically depicts his untimely end. Rip.)

(10/10 casting choice, I must say, and outfit on point as well 👌)

OKAY, we've finally got character lore and introductions out the way, now we can actually get on with the video!

This picture is very similar to the first picture in this post, but I have more things to say about this set up!

One, I love the ghostly visual effects on Lauren, with the glowy ethereal outline of her silhouette, and the slight translucence on her dress! No clue who was responsible for visual effects/editing on this one (it doesn't say in the description, but maybe Layne?)

And 2, correct me if I'm wrong but are Geoff, Layne, and Eli all lit in different ways? Eli has a warm-coloured spotlight on him, Geoff has more of a cool-coloured spotlight on him (I think?), possibly angled different to the light on Eli as well, and as for Layne I'm honestly not sure, but he stands out in a really interesting way. I have a feeling that the lighting on him is such that it makes him look like an actual Haunted Mansion/Disney Parks ride animatronic (especially when combined with deliberate movement/acting choices in the video). Nobody is credited with lighting for this one, but I'll still place a bet on who helped with a lot of it (at the least) anyway!

"Ding dong, you can't keep me WAITING!!!"

(Acting was on point across the board for this video, I must say)

"I can sense your horror!"

(JESUS-)

Absolutely loving Cesar's makeup in this one ngl (I wonder whether he coloured his face and/or hair blue for filming this or if that was just all done via editing?)

(Also great face Eli)

Honestly if not for his unmistakable vocal timbre, you could easily not realize this was Geoff at all. Rick did a ridiculously good job of making him (and Layne) look completely unrecognisable! Like is Geoff wearing facial prosthetics or something? His eyebrows look fake, the eyebags look like they were done with more than just regular makeup, and even his cheeks look thinner? Man I really wanna join VP's Patreon at the behind-the-scenes tier! But alas! Money!

Geoff: "Just wait, you can't hide from me"

Me while listening to the song on Spotify: 👉👈 👀

Me while watching the YouTube video: 😧😬

You can't have one of your members dress up as the Hatbox Ghost for a Haunted Mansion style video and not feature the character's main "gimmick" of his head moving from his neck to the box that he holds! And well, all things considered, Voiceplay did a pretty decent job of it! (And hey, even Disney themselves struggled with it - the character was removed from the attraction within only a few weeks of the ride's opening, and didn't actually return to the ride until 46 years later, in 2015, for the park's Diamond Anniversary Celebrations!)

"Knock, knock, I'm inside your room now" "Hello!"

Voiceplay are just showing off at this point honestly 😝 (I wonder how long this video was in production for? Seems like it would have been a big project taking at least a full month, if not longer)

Also haven't yet mentioned it but it's cool how the full group shots are shot in a way that makes it look like you're watching this from one of the ridecars (people-movers?) of the Haunted Mansion!

Oh dang I completely forgot about Cesar's/Madame Leota's crystal ball floating up in the air!

And there you have it folks! Maybe not one of my most picture-heavy posts, but quite possibly one of the most text-heavy! Now time for me to not watch this video again until October at the earliest!

(Also, since I'm skipping over the Christmas videos (for now at least), we're finally into the 2023 bunch of videos! (Though I'll be skipping over Nothing Else Matters and In My Room, sorry!))

[radi0activesmile]

Welp. I watched five minutes of the new episode and then restarted so I could come over here and type out my thoughts. Because ho boi do I have feelings.

Oh shit. Blitz's really trying to communicate now.

Aaaand Stolas is being passive aggressive.

I'm not sure how canon Look My Way is... but since it featured the crystal I'm gonna say canon, and it grinds my gears that Stolas sang a whole song about understanding how closed off Blitz is... but now can't see that Blitz is trying to reach out to him in the only way he knows how to.

... A'ight. I have a tendency to try to see things from Blitz's perspective because Twitter treats Stolas like the world's most sympathetic woobi and Blitz like he's the only person on the show who does bad things, buuuut. Yeah. He's saying no, Blitz.

But I get it. Stolas wanted to talk to Blitz, and the second Blitz didn't understand or return his feelings, he threw him out. Now Blitz is the one trying to talk, and now Stolas won't have it. But still.

Is Verosika stalking Blitz? How does she know he and Stolas "broke up"?

Blitz saying he breaks up with people before it "gets serious" and that he's "doing everyonea favor" by breaking up with them before he disappoints them...

"When have I ever talked down to you" points to the first three minutes of Harvest Moon

... A'ight, Stolas is clearly having some PTSD from being told things similar to what was told to him when he was being tortured. That's fair. Understanding why he threw Blitz out immediately after hearing that now.

I always figured IMP told Stolas what happened at the festival. Woops.

... and after LooLooland, I figured he was just so used to people coming after him that it didn't phase him anymore.

Stolas. You sang an entire song about how Blitz has walls up and can't admit to things like this.

I really want that Horses howling at the moon mug.

OH SHIT MARTHA'S HOT.

.... So, I owe an apology to everyone who ever said Martha and Mayberry would hate fuck... because I didn't believe them. And now I feel silly.

Blitz sometimes spelling sorry correctly and sometimes not means he probably has dysgraphia. Headcanon accepted.

Verosika got hotter. I repeat. Verosika. Got. Hotter.

I guess he and Dennis hooked up again after episode 8.

Poor Dennis.

I want to brush Verosika's hair and tell her she's pretty.

And give her a hug.

And buy her things.

Bryce's voice is different in this song and I don't know how I feel about it.

I will be sad if they got Cristina Vee back and she only sings backup.

Blitz actually trying cuts deep into my soul.

Why can I just barely here Verosika?!

... Trying reeeeally hard to remain neutral over here but Blitz has now tried like five times as long as Stolas did that night.

Ps I don't believe there has never been anyone who ever hit on Stolas.

Blitz and Verosika reading any Twitter thread posted after an HB episode.

Shipping Blitz and Verosika over Stolitz.

THANK YOU WE GOT A VEROSIKA SONG.

Shoutout to all the Twitter people who were saying "BLITZ WILL NEVER LET STOLAS HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND JUST MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY. >:[[[[[["

[smallmightsupremacy]

i've been on the hellsite (affectionate) for almost a decade and i literally never once tried to reblog something privately before, and so i did for the hell of it, just to see?

and it was your 'shoutout to writers who get bkdk relationship' post, and i just saw i must have been the last person to reblog it before you turned off reblogs 😬 so in case it wasn't just coincidence and i committed some faux pas i wasn't aware of, sowwyyyy!

(and uh, if it's not too presumptuous to ask, hello now that i'm here, care to help a boy in need lmao? i'm brand new to this fandom and it's so big i don't know where to start, would you happen to have any recs of fics that do understand the bkdk relationship? 👀👀)

Hello hello!! First of all, welcome to the mha fandom!!! It gets a little crazy here sometimes, but I hope you enjoy your stay here nonetheless! Anyways, I haven't turned off reblogs on that post to my knowledge (to be honest I'm not even sure I know how to 😅) so you're totally good!! My best guess as to what happened is that someone else reblogged my post and turned off reblogs and you saw it there Also, fics!!! Where do I even begin? There are so many amazing fic writers out there that I know. Still, if you're specifically looking for people that understand the bkdk relationship, I'd start off with any of amarisllis' fics. She's fairly popular on ao3 and her portrayal of bkdk is *chefs kiss* Also also!! ladyofsnails makes amazing bkdk fics too!! Highly recommend too!! Now, if you're looking for specific fics instead of just authors, I'm gonna throw some in here below and give a brief summary of them (these are all on ao3 by the way): The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh (Look. I know it's long, but it's the bkdk fic. Like. It's predicted events that happened in the manga. Anyways, this fic has a whole lotta forced proximity and slow burn.) warm hands by flowercafe (I used to reread this fic over and over again. Basically it's just a 5+1 of Katsuki taking care of Izuku's hands by massaging them.) you dragged me out (of a mile deep hollow) by deadwriter16 (Katsuki looks after Izuku post vigilante arc and gives him the love he deserves. Great hurt/comfort fic.) All We Ever Knew by dynamics (The writing for this fic is stunning. Goes really into depth with Katsuki's psyche and why acts the way he acts.) Halfway to the Moon (But the Sun is So Bright) by Catsired (Middleschool bkdk fic, but Bakugou realizes how much he's fucking Izuku over and tries to fix things.) in your dreams, nerd! by sapphic flower (Katsuki and Izuku can see each other in their dreams. Amazing concept. So well written)

message delivered by dekusneakers (Chat fic that goes really in-depth with Katsuki's feelings when Izuku had his vigilante arc. The way bkdk is portrayed in this is so aaaaaaaa I love it sm) Your Hand In Mine (In Every Universe) by panpanicatmha (Oh my god. This fic changed something in my brain. So alternate versions of Katsuki come and meet Izuku, share their stories and try to find a common link between all of them to be able to get home. The author also writes a bunch of companion fics to this, so I highly recommend reading those too if you're interested!!) Well, this post is already pretty long so I'm going to have to restrain myself from adding more. I hope this was helpful!!! But if you ever do need more fic recs, feel free to ask and I will deliver!! That goes for anyone <3 Take care anon <333

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

How about a two-fer! Aya and Nitori.

I did Aya here but i'll also take the chance to throw in headcanon that she may have still have long ago-ingrained skills with a sword, but if she picked one up now, she's more likely to swing it like a club 🏌️‍♀️ Anyway as for Nitori...

General opinion/How much I care about them: our sworn friend, Nitori 😊 I distinctly remember there was a time where i was aware that Nitori was generally pretty popular but didnt care much for her myself? But thats far in the past because I definitely like her a lot now 😄 I'm happy she just gets to show up all the time, even if a lot of it is just brief cameos in the manga.

A ship I love: gonna play it safe by picking out Nitori/Marisa but it really is super cute how much common ground and shared curiosity/ambition they have with each other, and how maybe magic and engineering are basically the same interest. Nitori's more uptight than expected, so that leaves Marisa to be the one to bring more of the fun to whatever odd business or experiment they're doing.

(also bonus shoutout to nitori/momiji and anyone who wants to imagine the bubbling feelings that may rise from cozy shogi matches despite the various complications of their respective species/classes 🙂)

A non-romantic relationship that I love: it just occurred to me that i've never ever seen anybody do anything with Nitori and Kokoro's newfound partership from acof! i guess i understand since there were so many more interesting and exciting pairings going on in that game, but i thought their brief stint together, analysing and insulting everyone in their deadpan manner was fun.

But actually beside that, its not hard to believe that Nitori's pretty darn well-known across the whole of youkai mountain, and maybe just about every youkai and god has met her at least once? She's not known as Nitori, the Kappa of the Valley for nothing! So it makes me smile to think about her ongoing business relations and funny back-and-forths with the likes of Aya or Kanako.

My biggest headcanon about them: she is the inventor of the optical camoflage suit but the general opinion among anyone outside the kappa (and something the yamawaro especially like to poke fun at) is how inefficient it is compared to just dressing yourself in the colours of nature, and this annoys Nitori a lot...

An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: she'll show up in some things i have planned for the far future... But for something about her specifically? I have to come up with one on the spot, hm.... I like to think she's more particular about that 'kappa are sworn friend of humans' thing than any other kappa (even if she usually just means doing business with them) so i'd like to see one of her attempts to be a helpful hero sort to them, even if she can't help but be awkward around humans.

Something that makes me think of them: sometimes when i manage to fix up my appliances or get them to work myself, i think 'wow i could be a kappa' 😐

[queen-vv]

'get to know me' type game

Tagged in spirit by @hikari-ni-naritai (I just felt like doing it ;p)

Top 3 ships at the moment: tbh I don't really do ships *that* much but I've been very into my ffxiv ocs lately! Asuka X Y'shtola, Mei X Everyone except Magnai... And also there's Alpha X Kokone from Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou as well!

First ever ship: Again I don't think about ships all that often, but I'd probably say my first was a combo of every gay ship in Evangelion lol

Last song: I was listening to a Tekken 6/7 mix earlier, and finished it with 'Connect with you/Balteus theme' from Armoured Core 6 ^^

Last movie: Ooh well I recently got a really cool book of Hayao Miyazaki sketches of planes and tanks and boats for Dengeki Hobby magazine, which included an alternate comic version of Porco Rosso, so I went and watched that again!

Currently reading: I'm intermittently reading so many things at the moment, but I'll just say the most recent which is a fan translation of the Gundam Advance of Zeta novels. They're not the best and a bit ideologically sketchy, but they're a decent time and they contain my fav gundam mobile suit designs in the whole extended meta franchise.

Currently consuming: I'm guessing this means food and drink, so the most recent thing I ate was a Tesco chocolate chip muffin!

Currently craving: Ough I'm really really craving miso ramen... So hearty and warming and delicious...

Last thing searched for for art/writing purposes: Ooh well the last thing I searched for was the KV-2 tank, a ww2 era heavy tank from the USSR with a stupidly huge turret, which further lead to research of other huge soviet tanks like the multi turreted SKM and T35 projects! All for a project I'm sketching and writing about giant tanks crewed by cool girls, inspired by the aforementioned Hayao Miyazaki sketch collection and from recently watching Girls und Panzer lol

Ok and uhhhh who to tag... I'll shoutout @fishing-lesbian-catgirl and anyone else who'd like to! Feel free to not if you're busy though lol

[tklpilled]

ty for the tag @cantsaythetword <3

fandom faves of the year !!

favourite new fandom: i guess bsd considering i've been hyperfixated since april LMAO but mp100 is also a vv good one!!

favourite new ships: skk, satosugu, and akiangel

favourite anime/tv show: chainsaw man !!

favourite movie: the only good ones i watched didn't come out this year so. none

favourite character: do Not make me choose i'll cry

favourite soundtrack: the csm soundtrack goes So hard

favourite book/manga/comic: TGCF OMG i havent even finished it (if anyone knows where i can read the whole thing translated i'll love you) but its so good

favourite game: i dont think i played any that came out this year!! been wanting to play legends arceus though

highlight of the year: i am forgetting literally Everything that happened this year. reigen sans queen of england was definitely a fun one though

community faves !!

favourite tumblr moment: goncharov was certainly a time

favourite fanart: this, this, this, this, and this are some :)

favourite fic: oh this one is. very hard .... but some that i find myself revisiting often are -if we're being honest by thequeenofwhump -now and forever (and before then, too) by radstarmuffin -difficult patient by stargazingly -birthday tickles for the child(e) by anonymous

favourite ask game: gonna be honest i remember absolutely zero of the ones i reblogged

top achievement as a creator: i hit 500 followers !! which is so cool ily guys

best fic of mine: in terms of impressions, on ao3 it was looking out for you and here it was kiss me hard before you go, which is wild because i wrote it last week, but if we're talking fic that im most proud of, im a fan of my akiangel drabble here

most underappreciated fic of mine: dandelion didn't do very well on ao3 </3

post that got more popularity than expected: that akiangel fic. what the hell

something on my blog i changed: my layout. numerous times.

next year !!

something i didn't do this year but would like to next year: commissions!! i plan on opening them soon :D

goals for next year: i feel like i didn't write much this year until these past few months, so writing more!!

2023 releases i'm looking forward to: botw2 definitely!! as well as the new seasons for bsd, jjk, tgcf, and sxf :)

spreading love !!

shoutout to people who made my year better: of course all of my friends and partners!! i love you all sm <3 and shoutout to those mutuals i don't regularly talk to but we're still chilling together

(too nervous to tag anyone so just go for it lmao)

[redvanillabee]

✍, 👀, 😅

✍ Do you have a beta reader?

I haven't asked anyone to beta read for me yet, but I've had fandom friends who offered (thank you @likea-black-widow-baby!) so maybe I should start doing that!

Also shoutout to everyone who has helped me figure out cultural things like Thanksgiving vs Christmas (which one you need to be home for), word choices, etc.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

I am writing a fic for Agent Carter Zine @agentcarterzine! I don't want to spoil too much yet, just that it's going to be a feelsy little gen fic :)

I also have a wip I've been sitting on for almost a whole year that further unpacks the timeline kerfuffle created by AOS S7 and I hope that get it done before/around Easter!

😅 What’s a story or scene you’ve created that you’re a smidge embarrassed exists?

I am not really embarrassed with my own writing. There are probably some early Klaine/Daltonfic fics in the depths of my blog that...do not quite live up to my current standards, but they are part of my journey as a writer, you know?

If I have to choose, I guess it's the conversation in I'll Wear That Dress If You Wear the Tie, because those lines are so exceptionally stilted I do cringe a little when I read it oops

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

[self-proclaimed-best-blog]

The fear.

The fear of being judged regardless of who you're with is actually crazy. I feel icky just talking about it here. I think I find strangers more comforting than my actual friends because they don't have an expectation of what my interests or personality will be. I could be anything.

But the moment something I'm secretly passionate about comes up in a conversation with some close pals I'm fucking doomed. It's over. Roll the credits already. Put me out of my misery. Because even if it's in positive context; I don't want them to know! WHY DO I WANT THEM TO KNOW???

I want them to know but I don't want them to have certain ideas of me. Ideas consisting of being uncool, or weird. I'm already pretty trashed on at school for being quiet but if I opened up about my interests I'd dig the hole deeper.

I have a mental list of things to say that make me appear awesome without letting them know much. But also trying to make them comfortable to bring those things up around me. I have a list of interests that are okay and not okay for me to share.

Actually, recently I told some of my closest friends for... just about a year now about my interest in a dumbass anime and.

I can't even fucking say it I feel gross.

This one ship in an anime that happened to be gay. And I've liked this anime since I was a little kid and read the mangas at the library. I've never told anyone though. (It was Card Captor Sakura. Sue me for being a boy who thinks magical girls are cool.) And I opened up about Yukito and Touya and how they had so much more potential and all the shit that could possibly be infodumped was definitely infodumped that day... and now I'm scared they think I'm some asian-gay fetishizing weirdo.

I'm pretty sure one of them might genuinely think that which just isn't true. It just so happens the only time I've ever really talked about shit like that was then. You guys don't know what animal it is until you uncover the whole skeleton, right? I was just starting to feel like opening up more too but I'm regressing. So much progress because of paranoia and one dumbass person who barely knows me out of the group. IT'S FUNNY ACTUALLY! NOBODY THERE KNOWS ME. I like them. I guess I trust them. But nobody takes time out of their day to show interest or get talk to me (Except that one person. Shoutout to her). Sure, I make them gifts for events and maybe it's my fault I'm so closed off and ask for nothing in return.

I actually just got over my agro habit of avoiding saying "I love you" to the people I care about the most. BUT I'VE REGRESSED YET AGAIN! This is why they left me bruh. It's so easy to say "I love you" to someone random because I don't mean it that much but when a person is the absolute best thing to ever happen to me: I'm suddenly dodging the three words like my life depends on it.

All because I'm worried to be vulnerable. I haven't talked about... REALLY talked about my interests for years. I always say "Oh, never heard of it." When they come up because I'm so horrified of people seeing me as me. I only want people to think I'm awesome, I'm cool, I make cool art, I make funny comics, and I'm just a great, laid back, chill guy.

But I'm none of those things. I'm some loser nerd who spends all day playing niche video games, watching anime, reading manga, skimming through wiki pages, listening to OST, binging Bobs Burgers, watching shitty 80's movies, sulking, stressing, talking to myself, barely eating and writing a really depressive blog.

I probably imagine and make up conversations more than I actually HAVE them. Horrible habit. I can honestly see why they ghosted my ass now. I'm a fucking loser.

I wish I was somebody else. I wish I was actually cool.

But I can't do shit but fake it until all these lame interests wash away as I get older. God, I hope it's soon.