#That’s just how it feels though | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chimerafeathers · 3 months ago

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i really love how intensely Mirabelle reacts to act 5 Siffrin botched friendquest.

Isabeau is mostly operating out of concern and, eventually, hurt. he already knows something’s up before Siffrin gets to him. he knows something truly awful must be wrong for Siffrin to be lashing out like they are, and as soon as he can’t handle the situation anymore, he leaves and asks (with strained cheer) for time apart to cool off.

most of Bonnie’s anger comes from being upset and afraid that Siffrin would willingly put themself in danger for no reason, when that’s exactly why they’ve been so unsettled since the eye incident. they hate that Siffrin values their own life so little, they hate that they’re the cause of any pain or loss for him, and here he is, putting himself in that situation AGAIN. on purpose. it’s loud and explosive, but it’s familiar, too, being “hated” by Bonnie for this reason.

Odile pushes, and keeps pushing, until her concern overwhelms Siffrin and they strike where they know she’s most vulnerable. she gets physical, just for a moment, grabbing his collar before controlling herself and letting go. her fury shuts down into cold detachment, and she walks away.

but Mirabelle—dear, sweet, gentle, loving Mirabelle, “the most wonderful being on earth,” with her secret “ruthless side” that largely involves lightly badmouthing people behind their backs and then apologizing—slaps them. immediately.

and then COMPLETELY RENOUNCES THEIR FRIENDSHIP.

not just “we’re not friends anymore,” but “we were never friends in the first place.”

that’s!!! pretty extreme!!!!

of course, she ALSO starts by asking what’s wrong. something must have happened for him to act like this. but as soon as Siffrin brushes her off, she jumps past that line of questioning and dives headfirst into re-evaluating everything she thought she knew about them as a a person.

if he could say something like that to her and not see anything wrong with it, then she was wrong to treat him as a friend, wrong to read camaraderie into his teasing, wrong to think they must care about them all under their aloof demeanor.

that’s how Mirabelle phrases it—“I was wrong about you”—but i think that there’s a hidden layer of I was right about you, too.

she talks about the way they tease her like she had to convince herself that he was doing it in a friendly way. she says they talk like they “know better than her” like that’s a thought she’s had for a LONG time.

“Always soooo mysterious, Siffrin, always talking as if you're better than me! As if you know me!!! But you don't, Siffrin!!! You're just as lost and useless as I am!!! So stop!!! Talking!!! As if you know me!!!!!!”

none of this comes across as a new, sudden way to view Siffrin for her. it doesn’t shock or confuse her. it makes her angry, defensive, almost like she was waiting for something like this to happen at some point. the feeling of resentment, frustration, jealousy, being patronized and condescended to—this is something she’s been actively pushing down and rejecting this entire time, but they’ve given her ample reason for it all to boil to the surface. violently.

Mirabelle’s kindness is not inherent or easy. it’s a choice she’s making. she treats Siffrin warmly because she gives him the benefit of the doubt—refusing to act based on anxiety-fueled, cynical speculation, and reassuring herself that his actions are driven by care and friendship even if she can’t quite see it.

“I was wrong about you” doesn’t mean she always and without question believed them to be a fundamentally kind, caring person from the beginning—it’s that her first, colder instincts were right, and she was wrong to convince herself otherwise.

never mind that she asked what was wrong at first. she barely gives them time to speak in their own defense, to explain what they really meant by what they said. all of her suppressed doubts and frustrations are getting aired out now, now that all the trust she’d so deliberately placed in him has been betrayed. her pain feels bigger than this singular moment, so when she hurts him back, she makes sure it extends back through the entirety of their relationship for him, too.

“You're awful. You're not my friend, not my ally, not anything. You never were.”

like the others, she goes back to the clocktower and tells Siffrin not to come back until later. but there’s a finality to the way she ends this confrontation that isn’t quite there with the others. Isabeau and Odile reach their breaking point and remove themselves from the situation, asking for space to cool off but still somewhat leaving the door open for Siffrin to tell them what’s really going on at some point. Mirabelle is the only one who tries to fully cut ties—after everything else she says, her “I don’t want to see you until tonight” reads to me somewhat as “I don’t want to see you anymore unless I have to.”

I can’t wait to never see you again.

even back at the clocktower, Mirabelle doesn’t really defend Siffrin’s place in the party when Odile suggests leaving them behind out of concern for their trustworthiness on the most important day of the journey. Isabeau and Bonnie protest out of sentimentality and faith in Siffrin’s abilities and connection to them, and Mirabelle agrees, but…

“I agree, but... B-But would he even agree to come with us, still? Maybe they won't even come back tonight...”

she doesn’t say much outside of that. maybe the stutter and hesitation here are signs of regret about how things happened, but she lacks Isabeau and Bonnie’s confidence that Siffrin even wants to come back to them in the first place. she doesn’t trust that their bond was real anymore. maybe it never was in the first place, or maybe she broke whatever was there herself.

and she’s still mad when they finally catch up to Siffrin at the King! and she makes sure Siffrin knows that—after saving them, assuring him that he no longer needs to fight, that they’re all there for him. she still cares, of course she still cares—she’s still hurt, too, but they can figure that part out once there’s less world-ending stuff going on.

she’s the first to say that they all reserve the right to still be angry at Siffrin later—and that they’ve already forgiven him.

she’s also the first to say we want to stay with you, too. it’s not just you.

she was wrong! she thought they didn’t care but they care so much, it’s overwhelming, it’s world-ending.

i think she’s gonna be wallowing in guilt post-canon the moment she remembers what she said and did TO SIFFRIN and not just what Siffrin said to her. especially now that she knows Siffrin’s exact hangups, and especially especially if she figures out what Siffrin was trying to say.

they put themself through hell out of loneliness and fear that none of the others cared about him the way he cared about them, he was going insane from repetition and exhaustion and hunger and trying to keep them all safe and together, and all they did in the midst of all that was say something kind of mean to her one time (that turned out to not even be MEANT to be mean it was supposed to be HELPFUL they just SAID IT ALL WRONG) and she SLAPPED THEM? and told him that they WEREN’T FRIENDS AT ALL??? how could she!!! she should have known better!! what they said hurt a lot but still!!!

so when they eventually manage to try to talk about it, they end up almost in, like, a guilt competition.

Mirabelle apologizing for how she reacted, that she shouldn’t have yelled or hit him, that she doesn’t want to be the kind of person who acts that way out of anger and she’s sorry that she made Siffrin expect that reaction from her, she should have known better and believed in him more and they only messed up like that because they were losing their mind in a time loop but what’s HER excuse—

and Siffrin going nononono stop I deserved it—(HUH DON’T SAY THAT NO YOU DIDN’T)—and that he should never have said such awful things to her, ever, and she was under so much pressure already with the weight of the country and everyone’s lives and futures and her religion and their whole party counting on her to do this impossible task because she’s the only one who can, all this unbearable expectation and hope crushing her, and they KNEW that but they thought they could skip to the ending as though her feelings didn’t matter at all, like helping her wasn’t as important as saving a little time—

until they’re just. in tears together, apologizing for all the horrible things they did in between complimenting each other’s strength and kindness and resilience and how much they admire each other and saying that no, everything you did was completely understandable, actually, the only one who sucks here is me. which neither of them will accept coming from the other!!

they’re so similar, in ways they couldn’t really understand, before.

warm, affectionate, perfect Mirabelle, the resolute hero, a beacon of compassion and hope for all those around her, who wears her heart on her sleeve, her fear making her courage shine all the brighter—nothing like the insignificant, forgettable Siffrin, too terrified to be known, too fragile to touch, too selfish and disgusting to bear letting go.

cool, mysterious, unflappable Siffrin, the worldly traveler, as charming and silly as they are confident and skilled, who brushed off losing an eye like it was nothing, accepting the risks of this journey with barely more than a shrug—nothing like the anxious, stagnant, undeserving Mirabelle, a fraud and a nobody crumbling under the weight of a mission too important to be entrusted to someone like her, doubting herself, doubting her friends, doubting her mentor, doubting her faith, too weak and brittle to bend and change the way the world needs her to without breaking.

not worth bothering others with their problems. they should be able to handle this alone. stay positive, stay calm. breathe in, and out.

they’ll struggle with it, still—the hiding, the minimizing—but now, they understand each other a little better. they can hold each other accountable for what they leave unsaid.

it’ll get easier, eventually. they have plenty of time.

#i!!! don’t know how to end posts!#this was supposed to be about One Quick Thought and then i just. kept going.#it’s REALLY LONG. SORRY?#some of this is a rehash of what i said in the mirabelle edition loop hangout post #i didn’t want to repeat EVERYTHING though so. no prologue discussion this time #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #in stars and time spoilers #isat mirabelle #isat siffrin #mypost #isat meta #mirasif qpr #it makes me wonder what other negative impressions she’s harboring about the others #surely siffrin isn’t the only one that she has twisted up somewhat in her head in ways that she has to talk herself out of #it’s a very anxiety-based behavior. making up worst-case stories in your head about yourself and other people #and having to remind yourself that those worst cases aren’t necessarily reality #the most obvious (to me) in the party would be comparing herself to Isabeau and feeling Some Type of Way about finding herself lacking #even if no one else sees it like that.#he’s strong he’s brave he’s reliable he’s heroic—he’s COMFORTABLE WITH CHANGE……#meanwhile she’s just!!! same old mirabelle!!!!!#incapable of changing in so many ways that seem so easy for everyone else! what’s wrong with her that she can’t!!!!#if it’s not clear absolutely none of this is like. critical or disparaging of mirabelle. i fucking adore her.#and her handling this the absolute Worst out of all of them (Bonnie included!) is part of that #LET HER BE MESSYYYYYY #btw for those familiar i’m picturing the guilt competition very much in Steven Vs Amethyst (steven universe) style

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loveletterworm · 1 month ago

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Here is my painfully forced meta joke, for this morning

#my art #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #mike deltarune #battat mike #battat #jongler mike #jongler #IDFK how to tag these guys. I'm amused by including “mike deltarune” in there as if they are a singular entity though.#If you look close I dotted their i's differently I regret thinking of that because it was really annoying to write. I kept forgetting.#I feel like the punchline of this barely even grammatically follows somehow.#The joke is when people say things like “It seems like something Toby would do” about just random nonsensical things.#I'm sure you recall this phenomenon. I don't think there's any reason it would have stopped #I was also just amused by how out of place the cowboy hat looks so this is my imagined cowboy hat backstory.#dt

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stil-lindigo · 2 years ago

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recently, Israel sent down hellfire missiles near a hospital in Gaza, which are missiles that explode into blades that slam down and cut through anything in their way. (link)

There is a video of a man with his legs newly amputated, screaming in a pool of his own blood. I won’t share the video, because it made me vomit into a toilet, but either trust me it exists or go look for it yourselves.

There is another video of a young girl, crying silently after her legs were blown off in an explosion. She explains tonelessly to the camera man that she doesn’t want fake legs because they’ll just remind her of her real ones. She is 13. (link)

A hospital is told to evacuate and they do, all the while waving white flags in a show of surrender. The IDF shoot at them anyway. (link)

Meanwhile in Israel - they begin to enforce one of the most draconian anti-free-speech laws in history.

1.link | 2.link | 3.link

Israel also claims to be the “only democracy in the Middle East”.

Israel has bombed hospitals, fishing boats, schools, refugee camps, power sources, water tanks, evacuation routes. They have killed 80% of Palestinian journalists, they have killed 100 UN workers, they have murdered over 4,000 children in 34 days. Because of the lack of food and water, Palestinians have begun to die from starvation, cholera.

If you still support Israel after all this, I believe you’re completely lost. Utterly without any humanity. Nothing could ever excuse this.

In Australia, there is an ongoing list of protests planned, as well as a permanent camp out being set up in Naarm/Melbourne to block Israeli transport company ZIM from shipping weapons. Congressional staffers in the US are finally being gotten through to - in spite of their rampant greed and long-suffering inhumanity, even they can recognise when their phones won't stop ringing with people saying flat out they'll never vote for them again.

Find resources to help Palestine globally at Ceasefiretoday.com

#I just have no words #how can you heal this kind of inhumanity #and I know Israel does not represent the interests of all Jewish people. I know there are Israelis who oppose the genocide full heartedly.#i honestly try to see israel as an entity separate from judaism as a whole bc every anti-zionist jew ive seen in protest denounces it.#says it goes against all the values they hold #and the power that jews who stand against this genocide have #ill just be forever grateful to their bravery to stand against these horrors even though it could alienate them from their peers.#even though i know now israel tries to integrate itself as much as it can in the jewish identity.#how they affirm that netanyahu does NOT speak for them #but the circles everyone keeps running in talking about whether or not israel IS committing genocide (it is)#or whether its committing war crimes (it is and many times over)#how worldleaders wont even say the word ceasefire like its fucking cursed #i feel like we're all being collectively gaslit #I just can’t comprehend all this suffering and having the power to stop it and not DOING ANYTHING #israel #gaza #free palestine #palestine

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makingshortstorieslong · 1 month ago

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A little zine about how I (still) have trouble saying the word aromantic.

I've never made a zine before! I was inspired to try it because @queerliblib mentioned a zine making night in an email. That hasn't happened yet - its on June 26th - but once I had the idea, I couldn't wait, lol. It was nice to put something down on paper and have the finished product to hold onto.

Image descriptions under the cut:

Page 1: Three tiny speech bubbles say: "Do you have a bf? Do you like anyone? What's your type?" A big speech bubble says, "Oh, I don't date." The big speech bubble comes from a heart colored like the aromantic flag.

Page 2 says: I could say: "Actually, I'm... ...aromantic." ...aro." ...aromantic asexual." ...aroace."

Page 3 says: But there are a few problems:

aromantic: Has been misheard as "A Romantic".

aro: Opaque if you don't already know the term.

aromantic asexual: A mouthful! And sounds...scientific?

aroace: shares The Big Problem: it may require a vocabulary lesson!

Page 4 says: It doesn't actually come up too often! Which is fine. My coworkers, my neighbors, and strangers don't need to know I'm aroace. I just wish I could say it sincerely when I do want someone to know.

Page 5 says: I always have to smile - laugh - hedge. "Oh, well, actually, I'm kind of like, aromantic? Basically just not interested."

It's been more than 8 years since the first time I said it out loud! I'm certain of it, but I still can't say it like I mean it!

Page 6 says: The most memorable time I said "I don't date" the guy I was talking to asked "Oh are you asexual?" and I said "Yeah, actually. And aromantic." And we moved on.

That was nice.

Page 7 says:

The times I've lead with "I'm aromantic" -- well, there's only one I really remember:

"I didn't use to think that was a real thing."

Other than that time -- even if I use the word, I always explain what it means first!

Page 8 says: I just hope that one day I'll feel like I can say, simply, confidently: "I'm aromantic" and "I'm aroace."

The words "I'm aromantic" are big and dark green, the color of the top stripe of the aromantic flag. The words "I'm aroace" are big and bright orange, the color of the top stripe of the aroace flag. Three hearts below the words are colored to look like the aromantic, aroace, and asexual flags.

#aromantic #aroace #aromantic asexual #zine #my writing #i realized today I don't own any pencils. there is some white out on page 7 idk if you can see it in the scan though #i did two and a half drafts. its hard to figure out what to say in just 8 pages!#and when I got the markers out today I did not want to do it again #so some of the spacing could be better but anyway I'm happy to have made something :)#i really could write whole paragraphs explaining what I'm trying to say here. I don't really want to though #i just realized i didn't use the word 'casual' at all. huh #page 7 was initially a lot longer but the other details aren't relevant. I hope the idea gets across clearly.#anyway yeah one of the ideas i had was to get into why i act and feel this way. but that needs more than 8 pages #some of it is justified. some of it is just me #anyway curious to know if anyone else feels the same #huh i guess i didn't really describe how i feel either - just what I do #there's actually. so much here. i should write a post or a journal entry or something instead of making these tags longer #might be able to do a better zine about it if i really knew what 'it' was lol because its a lot of emotions and a lot of factors #ngl its a little hard to say out loud in the privacy of my own room. that's weird right??#happy pride month everybody

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