#Urban analysis

[pelomundodascidades]

Bengin Dawod, The Soul of the City. Urban Design in Post War Reconstruction, Aleppo, Syria, 2018 https://issuu.com/bouwkunst/docs/180715-_the_soul_of_the_city_bd

[shyjusticewarrior]

When Bruce said he was proud of Jason for stepping away from guns, Jason immediately clarified that he wasn't doing it for him.

When Dick said he was proud of Jason for stepping away from guns, Jason didn't feel the need to clarify this.

Interesting contrast I noticed.

[tsa24city-hostel]

top image: Nolli map of Rome (building footprints are shown grey; public spaces....also INSIDE BUILDINGS.....are shown white).

bottom image: same area of Rome mapped as a "figure-ground" drawing (building footprints are shown black; open spaces are shown white).

below......anything can be mapped: number of deaths from cholera in london, John Snow's map of 1854:

_ik

[writeouswriter]

Broke: Acknowledging that a character who is an objectively terrible person is also a complex and intentionally well thought out individual with different levels of nuance you can empathize with in some ways while not in others is immediately “woobifying” or “poor little meow meowifying” them.

Woke: “This character is a bad person” and “this character is still a person” are two statements that can, should and do coexist and admitting that they exhibit nuance and depth and are more than just their bad actions doesn’t immediately excuse or condone their bad actions or mean that you’re ignoring or trying to soften the canonical version of the character.

Bespoke: That’s the whole point, that’s always been the point, to be made to empathize with horrible people so you can understand that they can be anyone, that bad people can be likeable, can be interesting, can be human, are human, and it’s scary to think about all the ways they’re just like you and all the ways they’re just like everything you hate, forcing the use of critical skills in media analysis, forcing a confrontation of the duality of man.

Whatever Level is Above Bespoke: But sometimes, yeah, sure, maybe they are a poor little meow meow, what are you gonna do, get a lawyer

[tsa23urban-hostel]

DIAGRAMS - COLLAGES

top: describing a street with individual building “portraits”

center: urban section; google map with annotations, section cut line above and katrina flood levels below

bottom: urban layer - “monuments”

_ik

[racefortheironthrone]

Please tell me more about neighbourhood PMCs in renaissance Italy

It would be my pleasure! (My research into this owes a lot to the excellent Power and Imagination: City-States in Renaissance Italy by Lauro Martines.)

The first thing to note that, unlike the condottieri, these were not private military companies. Rather, the neighborhood military companies (in the sense of a military unit, rather than a profit-making entity) were self-defense organizations formed as part of a centuries-long political struggle for control over the urban commune between the signorile (the urban chivalry)/nobilita (the urban nobility) and the populo (the guilded middle class, who claimed to speak on behalf of "the people").

This conflict followed much the same logic that had given rise to the medieval commune in the first place. Legally, the communes had started as mutual defense pacts between the signorile and the cives (the free citizens of the city) against the rural feudal nobility, which had given these groups the military and political muscle to push out the marquises and viscounts and barons and claim exclusive authority over the tax system, the judicial system, and the military.

So it made sense that, once they had vanquished their enemies and established the commune as the sovereign, both sides would use the same tactic in their struggle over which of them would rule the commune that ruled the city. The signorile and nobilita formed themselves into consorteria or "tower societies," by which ancient families allied with one another (complete with dynastic marriage alliances!) to build and garrison the towers with the knights, squires, men-at-arms, and bravi of their households. These phallic castle substitutes were incredibly formidable within the context of urban warfare, as relatively small numbers of men with crossbows could rain down hell on besiegers from the upper windows and bridges between towers, even as the poor bastards on the ground tried to force the heavy doors down below.

To combat noble domination of communal government, achieve direct representation on the political councils, establish equity of taxation and regulate interest rates, and enforce legal equality between nobility and citizenry, the populo formed themselves into guilds to build alliances between merchants and artisans in the same industries. However, these amateur soldiers struggled to fight on even footing with fully-trained and well-equipped professional soldiers, and the guild militias were frequently defeated.

To solve their military dilemma, the populo engaged in political coalition-building with the oldest units of the urban commune: the neighborhoods. When the cities of medieval Italy were originally founded, they had been rather decentralized transplantations of the rural villages, where before people had any conception of a city-wide collective their primary allegiance was to their neighborhood. As can still be seen in the Palio di Siena to this day, these contrade built a strong identity based on local street gangs, the parish church, their traditional heraldry, and their traditional rivalries with the stronzi in the next contrade over. And whether they were maggiori, minori, or unguilded laborers, everyone in the city was a member of their contrade.

As Martines describes, the populo both recruited from (and borrowed the traditions of) the contrade to form their armed neighborhood companies into a force that would have the manpower, the discipline, and the morale to take on the consorteria:

"Every company had its distinctive banner and every house in the city was administratively under the sign of a company. A dragon, a whip, a serpent, a bull, a bounding horse, a lion, a ladder: these, in different colors and on contrasting fields, were some of the leitmotifs of the twenty different banners. They were emblazoned on individual shields and helmets. Rigorous regulations required guildsmen to keep their arms near at hand, above all in troubled times. The call to arms for the twenty companies was the ringing of a special bell, posted near the main public square. A standard-bearer, flanked by four lieutenants, was in command of each company."

To knit these companies organized by neighborhood into a single cohesive force, the lawyers' guilds within the populo created a state within a state, complete with written constitutions, guild charters, legal codes, legislative and executive councils. Under these constitutions, the populo's councils would elect a capitano del popolo, a professional soldier from outside the city who would serve as a politically-neutral commander, with a direct chain of command over the gonfaloniere and lieutenants of the neighborhood companies, to lead the populo against their noble would-be overlords.

And in commune after commune, the neighborhood companies made war against the consorteria, taking the towers one by one and turning them into fortresses of the populo. The victorious guilds turned their newly-won military might into political hegemony over the commune, stripping the nobilita of their power and privilege and forcing them either into submission or exile. Then they directed their veteran neighborhood companies outward to seize control of the rural hinterland from the feudal aristocracy, until the city had become city-state.

(Ironically, in the process, the populo gave birth to the condottieri, as the nobility who had lost their landed wealth and political power took their one remaining asset - their military training and equipment - and became professional mercenaries. But that's a story for another time...)

[pinkrosealice]

I'm starting to notice some patterns among some of the characters I have deeply irrational and intense feelings about.

[penguinwithagrenadelauncher]

Logically, a vampire should be reflected in a modern mirror, because modern mirrors are no longer made with silver. Silver was considered pure, so that's why vampires and werewolves (and probably other stuff) are repelled/damaged by it. Since old mirrors were made with silver, that's probably the logic behind them not having reflections. Modern mirrors are made with aluminum, so this rule would logically no longer apply. The same idea applies to cameras since old film-processing supplies also used silver.

This has been a vampire analysis.

[ashweather]

Daily RPG Readings

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, Part 2

Alright, for day two we'll be going over pages 28-39, ending at the heading "Role of the Narrator." This is less than what I wanted to cover each day, but I think its warranted for this section because the next 11 pages are extremely dense, and I have a lot to say about them.

We start off strong, with "Rolls, Investigation, & the Eureka! System." First there's a quick definition of what separates an investigation roll from a non-investigation roll, which is crucial because only investigation rolls grant investigation points and thus contribute to earning a Eureka! (the player resource, not to be confused with the game system itself). I feel this distinction warrants its own section in my overview, as earning Eureka! Points and gathering information is so crucial to the system functioning properly. This distinction could probably stand to be bolded with the next few paragraphs, in my opinion.

Without having seen it in play, I'm cautiously optimistic having investigation rolls be distinct from non-investigation rolls and linking the core momentum mechanic to only investigation rolls. I can see the logic in it - the game wants to be about mystery solving and gathering information, so it rewards that kind of gameplay more heavily. On the other hand, there is a slight risk of action-heavy sequences starving PCs of resources and throwing off the pacing of a longer game. I think it will work out, but I'm very interested to see how it actually works at the table.

Next, a conveniently bolded section covers the core gameplay loop of Eureka, and is noted to be extremely vital for all players to understand. To summarize: the Narrator (GM) describes a location in detail along with any points of interest, investigators see major details without needing to roll (but may need to poke around to find hidden details), and investigation rolls are made about specific clues or points-of-interest when the PCs interact with them in a meaningful way.

That's a reductive description, but I have more to say about it than I really want to outline here (seriously I could write essays about perception and information management in RPGs). I'll stick to the basics: I really, really like that PCs explicitly don't need to roll to notice obvious information. I'm hooting and hollering that we explicitly don't need rolls to get obvious or basic information about specific points of interest. I'm jumping out of my chair and yelling the name of my favorite sports team about the game pointing out that multiple different skills may be used to learn different things about a given point of interest, depending on interpretation.

Anyway this philosophy of information reminds me of GUMSHOE except more explicit about putting the things I like into rules text. I would perhaps like a note that red herrings should be sparing, because players rarely need help coming to wild conclusions based on spotty evidence, but this is a matter of opinion.

Now we learn about the results of an investigation roll at each degree of success, including how many investigation points (abbreviated IP going forward for brevity) are earned towards a Eureka! Point. A Full Success gets a lot of information and 1 IP. A Partial Success grants less information (or a consequence) and 2 IP. A Failure grants no information, but does give a generous 3 IP. We are also told to write down Failures on the character sheet for future use. Once an investigator gains 15 IP, they gain a Eureka! Point, the Eureka systems main reward for PCs and a potent resource. Eureka! Points can be spent to gain information from a previously failed investigation roll OR they can contribute extra odds of success to a non-investigation roll.

I always think granting resources for roll failure is a good idea, because it encourages players to think of 'bad' rolls as potentially exciting paths for the narrative to take rather than as 'losing the game' Since Eureka! Points are such a potent resource, it gives players something to look forward to no matter what the outcome of a roll is. I also love the incorporation of the mystery trope where a previously mysterious clue turns out to be a key piece of information later, once the characters put it into its appropriate context or think about it more deeply. Also, writing down Failed rolls encourages players to dip their toes into note taking and gets them into the habit of ruminating over previously acquired information, which is great for a mystery game.

I think Character moments granting IP and Eureka! adding odds of success to a non-investigation roll are great utilities too, but this section is getting away from me so I'm going to leave it there for now.

Lastly, we have an Example of Play for investigation, which is always an extremely helpful tool for players to be able to see the rules in action. In the scenario, two 1930s detectives are following the trail of a gang of bank robbers and have found one of the suspect's place of employment. We start off with a failed Charm roll that grants 3 IP, demonstrating that Interpersonal skills can be used for investigation just like any other, as long as its in the service of gaining information. The Narrator describes the immediate area, and one of the PCs notes a lack of points of interest (footprints) without needing to roll. The Narrator does not highlight this until the player asks about it, which encourages players to be smart, ask questions, and poke around.

Without giving a play-by-play, we get more investigation rolls demonstrating the various degrees of success for investigation rolls and how they move the narrative along. A Eureka! Point turns the first failed Charm roll into a success, resulting in a climactic moment where hidden compartment underneath a desk is revealed. The PC pushes the desk aside, and there is a note here that even if someone might have difficulty moving this desk in the real world, it is an inappropriate time to call for a roll because failure does not have stakes and would not be interesting (I'm hooting, hollering). Finally, the scene culminates in the beginning of combat as one of the NPCs attempts to stop the investigators in their tracks!

I think the example of play given serves its utility well and shows off the strengths of the sytems. No notes (yet, I might refer back to this later).

[morsmortish]

how do you imagine lily LIKE IM REALLY CURIOUS ATP

eva my dear i want you to close your eyes and picture yourself sitting in a shitty diner on a monday morning and your waitress comes over to take your order and she has her hair tied up in a straggly ponytail with no makeup on so you can see her freckles. she’s smiling brightly and asking chirpily whether you want bacon on the side or not but her eyes are filled with the despair of a centuries old mourner. when you send your plate back because you asked for NO sauce she clenches out a smile but you can hear her muttering scathing comments to the cook in the kitchen and you cant tell whether they’re directed at him or you. as you’re walking out (leaving a hefty tip) you see her on her break chainsmoking a pack of reds whilst leaning on a brick wall in the alleyway next door. she merely nods at you before going back to doom scrolling on twitter as her shittily painted nails click against the cracked screen.

[shyjusticewarrior]

Hallucination of Tim hugging Jason

Damian hugging Jason as a diversion

Jason and Steph having a real hug

[tsa24city-hostel]

MAPPING A CITY - STREETS AND BUILDINGS......

image 1 (top): street system and built fabric for Göteborg. the streets are NOT ALWAYS the voids of the figure-ground map but are contained within the voids.

image 2 (bottom): map showing a variety of street types (hierarchy) expressed in line thickness. water is shown in grey.

_ik

[i-am-a-scholar-of-magic]

The Emperor’s Relics: Artifacts Of A Lost Time

Among the many positives of “The Owl House” is its rich setting. Though many - including myself - might say we were not given enough detail about the Boiling Isles, there is no denying that the show’s setting is rich and fascinating. Why else would we want to know more?

One such example of worldbuilding that was established but never elaborated on is the relics in the castle’s Relic Room. The artifacts, said to be incredibly powerful, are only seen in “Agony of a Witch,” in which (HA!) Luz tries to steal one to help Eda and Willow and Gus use a few for fun. Though described by Kikimora as “reminders of our great Emperor’s overwhelming power,” Lilith refers to them as “decrepit” and “useless,” implying that they have vastly declined in power over the years and are now used as propaganda. 

Curiously, though seeming to intend to have a relic for each major coven, only eight are depicted, and only three of them elaborated upon:

The Green-Thumb Gauntlet: A glove carved of wood, the gauntlet is described as allowing the wearer to grow any plant they can imagine. Willow herself uses the glove to grow trees with fists to knock down an armored door. 

The Oracle Sphere: Described by Gus as telling the user how to become their best self, he uses it to conjure a purple-tinted illusion of himself that merely tells him,” You’re always your best self.”

The Healing Hat: Written as able to heal any disease or break any curse, Luz attempts to steal the hat to cure Eda. The hat is destroyed in a confrontation with Lilith, but given her description of the “decrepit” relics and bizarre nature of Eda’s curse as non-native to the Boiling Isles, it is probable that the hat would not have cured her - else Lilith might have tried long ago.

After these, the relics are only shown visually, but it was a fun thought experiment to wonder about each:

Golden Harp: Presumably tied to the Bard Coven. *I like to imagine that the harp intuitively plays music to cast any spell the user might imagine without having to know how to play the harp. 

Globe of Abomination Clay: Presumably tied to the Abomination Coven. I imagine it contains an incredibly ancient and very strong Abomination, likely holding far more clay than it seems. 

Golden Vial: Presumably tied to the Potions Coven. I like to think that the phial can produce large or infinite amounts of any potion that is poured into it. (This was admittedly based on the White Phial from “Skyrim.”)

Silver Mirror: Presumably tied to the Illusion Coven. I imagine the mirror can capture minute details of whatever it sees, and so aid the user in creating far more specific illusions. 

Golden Bell: Presumably tied to the Beastkeeping Coven. I imagine the bell can be rung to influence any beasts within its audible range. Specifically, it can summon them to the user, calm them down and put them to sleep, or enrage them into a frenzy. 

These all seem to exclude the relic of the Construction Coven, though there is a faint possibility we see this relic later. Mason, head of the Constriction Coven, is seen wielding a hammer emblazoned with the fist sigil of the coven. Assuming this is the Construction Reic, I like to think it can break down and then reshape any solid material it strikes, in the image of alchemy from “Fullmetal Alchemist” or Overhaul from “My Hero Academia.”

Even a year after the series’s conclusion, it is beyond evident that the setting of the Boiling Isles, with all of the rich details that often act as a framework with more than enough space for us to fill in the gaps ourselves, continues to be a rich mine of creativity in worldbuilding. Who knows what else is waiting to be conceived of that patchwork of glorious setting?

Thanks for reading! More to come …!

[moleshow]

i really despise being assigned readings where i know more than the author about a subject

[faithfromanewperspective]

the western sydney work ethic, mental health, burnout, inequality and ableism

inspired by ashton irwin on artist friendly with joel madden and 17902 sustainable urban development at the university of technology sydney

I’ve teased the idea of writing this post for a while now, and now I’m sitting in my borrowed bed in Sydney with the graphs and maps from my course still at the back of my eyelids and still processing the Vibes of catching up with my childhood friends and wondering if it’s too early to go to bed if the sun’s still up—it’s time to let it out. Because I found a bunch of seemingly unrelated things and put them together in a way that helped me process my upbringing and the way it’s positioned me as I go through life even now.

For background of this post, the Greater Sydney metropolis has a very stark rich/poor divide, where a large strip from the west going to the south of the city have been left behind in a variety of ways. In my uni course I see the maps on income, education level, job overqualification, crime, violence… they’re nice and set out, and they validate what I already intuitively knew—just like everyone who grew up in the area I’m going to refer to vaguely as Western Sydney. These graphs put words to something I’ve lived when I was too young to process it, something I hear the impacts of in 5 seconds of summer’s songs like I’ve never seen in any other art ever.

I know many people relate too and I don’t want to say you have to be from Western Sydney to get it. There are plenty of other places with similar trends, but this strip of suburbs, half a city, is where I grew up and the case study I’m going to use for the phenomenon I’m going to describe in this post.

Having spent the last decade and a bit in a more conservative, more sheltered area of suburban Brisbane, where people take it slow and at least attempt to have fun without getting completely wasted; where people have high expectations for their lives and livelihoods they never quite meet and where they’re the kind of emotionally aware that you hear all about how stressful that experience is: this was the backdrop of my teens and young adult years to this point. It’s where I learned about mental health and neurodivergence and ableism and where I really explored what faith and spirituality is to me. It’s where I never quite felt comfortable when people were too polite, where I poured all the belief they had in me as a gifted kid plonked into that environment I wasn’t native to into the delusion that I could deconstruct the unequal education system of their own creation if I only worked harder than anyone had ever worked before. Then they would finally listen. It’s where I tried and tried to get help for my mental health and wasn’t listened to either, not when I presented so well and was simply unable to unmask until I was unable to mask at all. Where the slightest bit of hope caused me to forget everything that was hurting me, making it a struggle to work through even to this day. where I wondered if I was some superhuman for the fact that I can work my ass off without even realising it’s hard work, a smile on my face and arms open for connection as always (the mark of health they say) while being desperately unwell, hurting, thinking I had it good compared to some of the people I’d see crumple under the pressure, I should be kind to them (not understanding why I found them so, so relatable).

I am not a freak of nature, or superhuman, though I am neurodivergent and twice-exceptional. I am the product of my upbringing and my ancestors. I carry generations of culture from hectares of foreign lands my ancestors made their homes on (ethically questionably in some cases I do acknowledge) and became part of the ecosystem of. It is, like most difference, a gift and a curse. Something that makes certain measures of ableism not apply to me, but creates others in their place. I’ll get into this more later.

in the strip of suburbs united by demographics we call Western Sydney, farmers from the notoriously difficult land of the Murray-Darling and immigrants from everywhere on the planet, some Indigenous but few Indigenous to Australia, make up classrooms, neighbourhoods, workplaces. Think I Am Australian by The Seekers, but just the verses, as a snapshot of some of the stories representative of the people. Interwoven in the landscape. We celebrated Harmony Day on the 21st of March in my primary school. Everyone had a different cultural background. We heard different languages spoken on the street. There were stereotypes. There were scared people trying to find their tribe, build a life in Australia, away from the larger scale farms, get their kids a good education to do a trade or go to university. Fear and angst and hurt coexisting with an appreciation of the juxtaposition of others you’d never head admitted out loud. But the second verse of the Australian national anthem was written just for us, or might as well have been. Beneath our radiant southern cross, we’ll toil with hearts and hands… google the lyrics, you’ll get it, you’ll see why I wish the rest of Australia did too: for those who’ve come across the seas, we’ve boundless plains to share, with courage let us all combine to advance Australia fair…

No one with the power to acknowledge this I interact with these days remembers the second verse. Except 5 Seconds Of Summer, in their ridiculous little promo videos, who I’d bet the rubble that’s left of my parents’ old house as the new owners turn it into a mansion because Gentrification, have no idea of what a meaningful gesture that is.

I can feel the wounds of being torn from the good parts of that experience closing over. And so it’s time to give the often forgotten stories on an often forgotten piece of land that made me and also these four wonderful humans who we are today, the credit it deserves. Start by telling our stories.

One thing I love about Artist Friendly is it cuts straight to it. Joel Madden is just incredible like that—in a world coming out of the 2010s pop decade of dancing while the room is on fire (bloodhound, 5sos) put your rose coloured glasses on and party on (Katy Perry’s chained to the rhythm) (these I would consider more analytical quotes of the era, one whose vibe was ‘forget all the pain in the world, let’s party and sing about how horny we are’ which for all my cynicism I did find fun)—he kept up his punk edge, kept investing in new musicians, searching for and investing in what’s real. He also really loves Australia, and when you put our underdog-supporting attitude next to Good Charlotte’s songs you understand why. Anyway, the episode pretty much opens by him asking Ashton about his background, and relating from the perspective of working-class-emotionally-unavailable/immature-parents-who-showed-their-love-through-provision-and-really-did-try-to-be-there-but-had-none-of-the-resources. I like the positive take. It’s high time we stop being classist and ableist towards the people who’ve met our needs as much as they were able, but it still wasn’t enough. Who taught us how to take opportunities, work to prove our worth, and through it all couldn’t even afford therapy.

I used to think my family was rich because we lived in Australia and my parents had gone to university. Never mind the fact that I was born when they were barely older than I am now. Never mind the mould in the walls or sneaky Tuesday night washing of the school uniforms in the summer when we got sweaty and there weren’t any spares or the mismatched bargain bin clothes we wore or the bedroom I shared with my sisters. I knew the people I compared us to. And now I do really believe if I’d grown up a bit less frugal or even a few k’s out of the area I did I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t have the perspectives I have, nor would this podcast episode have me feeling so seen. Like, yes I lived a bit further into the city than these guys, close to the train line without any farmland where the house values shot up seemingly overnight and meant the area I grew up in is experiencing a very weird disparity as two cities collide within it today. But we grew up in the same era in western sydney, we grew up loved and knowing that was a privilege and we grew up knowing from a very young age we had to spend our whole lives working hard if we wanted life to be manageable and we better be polite and better not ask for too much.

yet we also grew up with hurt. From the trauma we inherited from our caregivers as we encountered the attitudes and fears with which they faces the world. From what we saw our peers go through much too young to be able to draw boundaries with the empathy we felt too much of and understood nothing of. From broken family relationships that were all too common. From religion that hurting people used to cause or at least stagnate hurt instead of healing.

when I was burning out and struggling as an unrecognised neurodivergent I used to wonder why my father would place such value on the Protestant work ethic when Jesus died exactly so we wouldn’t have to strive. And I acknowledge that the PWE is harmful to many disabled folk or literally anyone who has experienced the demands of life and had their stress invalidated for it. Including myself. But never having the expectation of a life of ease and luxury? I do appreciate that. It’s given me a whole different metric for how I view life, one none of my friends except those who are from those years of my life understand. No one in Brisbane or my online international friends seem to get it. But I’m sure when you see yourself in this post, that some of you will (we might be the largely unheard minority but I’m sure we exist. Joel Madden is proof of that). It’s given me a differently calibrated emotional pain scale in many ways. Different standards for when the warning lights come on (and I’m very perceptive of angst and disappointment and always see them in others to be worse than they are because of it). And when I look at everything this band has accomplished, I know it’s the same for them.

I have spent a lot of time these last years advocating for neurodivergent acceptance. I’ve done so in a way that made sense of the decade previous, of existing in a world of inequality I’ve always been so sensitive to and of expectations that I took on as opportunities (because what else have I been trained to do)? And yet so much of it is about funding and resources. And when there isn’t that? You make room for my favourite thing ever: grassroots, unofficial but beautifully organic loving neurodivergent affirmation. Plenty of rural folks, my grandparents included, hate labels, prefer focusing on strengths and equipping young people based on those than accommodating difficulties. They’re often seen as conservative, bigoted, ableist, and some of them are. But they bring with them an important lesson about how to live with the realities of the economy that they struggle in too, too much to support someone else. They don’t have the same impossible expectations of their neurodivergent progeny and protegees and community members that many who hold in their heads an idea of perfection they hope to bring to their families do (the kind of things sometimes only a diagnosis can free someone from, and nothing from the memory and shame of) and that—that is an important attitude for all of us to have.

Some people are unconventionally neurodivergent affirming while knowing none of the terms, or maybe trying to hold off using them because of the same economic and confidence reasons I’ve tried to unpack. Some rely on simple kindnesses and explanations that centre around possibility, and go nowhere near deficit. Some people know intuitively or through hard life lessons themselves (usually the latter) the value of stripping all but essentials from the functionality of everyday life. Not making it any harder than it is.

Of course you can drum on the tables in math class. My son is a musician, I get how it is.

Liz Hemmings is the only valid neurodivergence parent—I’ll say no more, it is how it is

Sometimes when we advocate for things we have to be aware that the way the dominant in-power often wealthy culture has figured it out isn’t always the best way to do things. Environmentalism is a prime example of this. This is why we need brown environmentalism and to decolonise and listen to our Indigenous stewards and share power.

You can take a lot of lessons from a place that’s as culturally diverse as Western Sydney. And you can see how a work ethic is facilitated, rather than gatekept. You can see why Ash, when asked by Joel if he’s scared of every getting back to that life (ref to poverty) his attitude is actually one of gratitude and almost reverence for the place that shaped him, that brought the band together and everything that came from that point forwards. That shaped their attitude and birthed the grit that got them through being on tour with one direction and I don’t think he said it but in Ash’s case I bet the empathy he has for the fans and the way he just wants to connect and create a fun experience but also one where we’re deeply seen by moving songs is because he knows what it’s like for so many people. You can’t not if you grew up like we did. You can see why Luke at any chance will say ‘we’re from Sydney Australia’. It has a way of sticking to you, the rich culture that’s a patchwork of orphaned cultures, the way everyday life is like one of those adventures you emerge from with strong bonds usually only found in fantasy novels. You can see that the band is proof that those bonds exist in real life.

after a decade and a bit pretending I know what leisure is and how to have fun without Bad Angst I’m glad that this proof is still in my life. I’ve still got close friends from primary school and few can boast that (we might not quite be Calum and Michael in that regard, but they still have other friends from primary who they’ve kept in touch with despite geographical separation as I have).

Now I’ve acknowledged this and traced the strings that are much easier to see when my own life is mirrored in a podcast episode, maybe I can find the good among the cultural dysphoria in the circles I do have in Brisbane, and do value still for what they are even if they’re not quite the same. Now that I can see how a world of too many opportunities and not enough freedom can burn someone out who came from this background, with the type of brain that flourishes on being a latchkey kid and sketchy hangouts with deep conversations and questionable substances but crumples under expectation and too much choice and politeness, I can put my life back together in a way that validates who I am and where I come from, rather than what those around me tell me should be good for me.

as, I can tell by this interview, these guys have. I want to be able to talk about suffering without people acting like it shouldn’t be something we can comfortably say out loud, as Ashton does here and through music. My art isn’t quite the same, but the purpose behind it is so, so similar. I relate a lot to the importance he places on spirituality, even if I’ve tried to do something with Christianity that it, in the mainstream at least, isn’t built for and probably can only partially do on its own. Maybe the epitome of humility is being able to learn from other religions and see them as gifts from God even as, and I include Christianity here as well, anything can be dangerous if used in a way that it wasn’t meant for: anything with power to heal has power or hurt too. I’ve got so much respect for how Ash does it. I think this episode really cemented for me that, and I feel like it’s something we as a fandom don’t talk about enough because of their characterisation (and fair enough, if you’re famous you don’t want people dissecting every part of you, and I’m not going to do that just give a generalised compliment): these guys are so incredibly resilient and intelligent and invested in creating healing and they’re really fucking good at it. They might present themselves as goofs with one braincell that create bops and fan over other celebrities as if they themselves aren’t famous too, but so much of that is humility and them baring themselves in ways that are sustainable and really emotionally mature (for the most part) to be relatable to us as fans and invest in making that connection genuine. They’re not pretending, because they understand how it is to be human.

and you don’t get there by being some sort of Untouchable Philosophical Genius Figure. you get there because you’ve lived in community and you’ve survived hard things because of other people who’ve done similar and created authentic art too. You get there often because you have to: because putting on a fake show and doing stuff for likes and popularity was never going to work and will only screw you up in the long run and you’re worldly enough to see that from a young age and learn from your own intuition and empathy and experiences. You get there because you lived your whole life being resourceful and being street smart and doing what it takes to make good decisions and invest in yourself (who else do you have who’s worth more than that) and your future. Doing what it takes to make sure you’re alive to learn how to do better at things you’re behind in that might keep food on the table in the future, because there’s none of that oh-it-won’t-happen-to-me attitude. That part is very sustainable which I love. I also really really relate to it and have found it something I would get complimented on when I was younger, too young to be so mature. But I never attributed it to myself. I knew somehow, abstractly, I was disabled and nearing my limit and everything I do I did so I could survive. It’s the western Sydney work ethic.

and yet this often beautiful phenomenon has its ugly side. If you know you’re neurodivergent even without the words—more often than not the only people you see who you relate to are those who didn’t make it, who fell off the horse of functionality and into things like addiction and other things that exacerbate the inability to empower yourself. You figure that when you’re honest with yourself you’ll be dead by 25. Sometimes you give up on trying to prevent that and wonder if it’s even worth it to attempt to keep going: is your life really worth that effort?? What I’ve described is a combination of the experiences of many people I know, aspects of it are mine, and aspects mirror things I know these guys have mentioned about themselves (I’m going to leave it at that vague level of detail). You wonder why people believe in you, is it only because any other option is unmentionable? But what if you let them down like you know (fear) you will? And burnout is the epitome of this: the need to let go of trying. And without a decent amount of privilege it’s impossible to return from.

I’ve been there and scrounged at straws of privilege I do have, pretending I’m doing my job to the level that others expect while letting go of every expectation I have on myself. Still problem solving outside every box on how to get back on my feet because I know nothing else, radically accepting that I might not and whittling down all my needs in life to the most essential, that I might still survive even at my limited and diminishing capacity. While always relating to those our society sees as failures. I’ve borrowed from other cultures that aren’t my own to have a stubborn sense of worth while trying to keep afloat in a society and economy that says it’s conditional. My spirituality comes in here, as do my problem-solving skills: again, maybe this culture fears burnout more than anything, but maybe it has half a toolkit on how to get out of it. Only half. I have to pair it with what I learn from others too.

and even through that, I’m immensely privileged to have savant skills and a generally able body. Just like when you make it big as a musician you’re privileged by that. Against a backdrop of I’m-nothing-special. I’ve always struggled with questions of my felt worth, because I’m so conscious of my privilege and ability that sometimes I get the two muddled (though I know my ability doesn’t define my worth in things I do poorly at, and my persistence technically doesn’t either but I’ll be damned if I don’t try and try and actually find doing badly more validating of how I see myself than when I do well, so I chase it again and again, my dad is the same, it’s what makes us so adventurous). I understand the consciousness of things that are going well not lasting, and pouring creativity for new ventures into things like selling candles. Instead of letting achievements make me believe I’m someone more important than I am, using them as ways of giving myself space to do whatever’s next, dial off the pressure a little bit.

I understand appreciating others’ sensitivity and the social capital they bring everywhere rather than their material wealth or achievement and when Ash praised Calum for that and said it made him look bad I felt that. Both the experience of being that counter-cultural person who doesn’t give a shit about money but values connection so, so much more (and from all I’ve written, you can see why, can’t you) to still never being able to be as good a person as I see the need for in the world.

I understand missing family and constantly grieving that, as I weigh up the city of my childhood with the friends and culture I love versus the city of my youth with my feathered family who are my children and who I hate to miss birthdays of and the like, same goes for my sisters and parents and grandparents, the way Ashton, the only band member with younger siblings, hates missing all their milestones too. I feel privileged that Brisbane and Sydney are so close to each other and nothing in my life is as far as Los Angeles. I understand the nostalgia for Sydney. This whole post is proof of it.

I understand the unbreakable bonds between people who make this kind of art together. I understand putting disagreements on the back burner and realising the connection through writing is so much bigger and the connection can overcome whatever is going wrong. Heck, I feel privileged to understand and relate to how such brilliant brains work (nature: neurodivergence I won’t go any further into as well as nurture) as well as the environment that made them what they are.

all my life I’ve longed for that kind of community and connection I’ve seen largely in fiction, sometimes between people in real life. And I think having written this analysis (it’s taken me til my bedtime or later) I do have all the ingredients there. All the ability to make it, both in the practical way I relate to and am there for my friends and whatever I do in my silver bridges tag. In the neighbourhoods I eventually design that foster communities with all the good parts I’ve described but without the inequality and minimal poverty and hurt and violence. To everyone who’s shown me these things in myself that are so worth working for and I know I’m not savantly immediately good at, I am so so incredibly grateful. the city as a whole. My family and friends. The celebrities I grew up nearby and those who invest in people like them. People like me. May I keep investing in people: people like you. because what is humility but knowing there’s always something to learn, and what will bring all of us forward but learning it and putting it into practice in love and empathy that drives a grit that no amount of striving for striving’s sake can manufacture?