#YOU CAN’T FIGHT CRIME IF YOU AIN’T CUTE

[kelgorath]

forgot to post this one yesterday but did a warm-up heroic nightfall before taking a friend through the grandmaster and was absolutely delighted that our random matchmade blueberry understood the gothic dress code!!!

[kailuuart]

🦇 Happy (a day late) Halloween! 🦇

[tobidei]

Can’t fight crime if you ain’t cute 😘

[bruciemilf]

which do you like for Jaime/Jason better, gunbug or redbeetle? i saw redbeetle’s also used for Jaime/Tim

GUNBUG?! CUTE.

genuinely I think Jaime would be the golden retriever boyfriend, but like. Cleansed from the tik tok connotation.

He brings Jason beat up, janky books from his local bookstore.

The ones with the wrinkles and the paper cracks and just the softest layer of dust on them. And handmade socks, and cool pens neither of them need, but just really want.

He sends Jay snaps of cats following him around, small videos that always, always, always start with “papi watch this” or “BABE you’re not gonna believe this—“and it’s literally just dogs doing mildly impressive jumps.

Jason loves them so much.

But I’m more interested in the pre relationship. Like.

Imagine you’re Two-Face, infamous Gotham mobster, who’s considered more dangerous for sleeping with Wayne than your actual crimes (we all know Batman likes the rich brat, after all) and Red Hood clears his throat one meeting.

“Dent,” Jason has the same fake, forced deep voice he used as Robin, when he tried intimidating others. Harvey wonders if he knows, and prays he doesn’t. “A word. “

“Listen, kid, I’ve already agreed on the 20% turf cut, which is BULLSHIT, by the way, —“

“It’s NOT bullshit, and you’ll see why, but that’s not why I wanna talk. Just. Uh,” the kid is nervous. You can smell it off him. “You’re, like…Good with romance. And stuff. Right?”

“…Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

Harvey rushes into his car, Bruce in SPEED dial,

“Baby, listen— I— yeah, shitface, I’m aware this is an emergency line, this IS a fuckin’ emergency. NO, I didn’t fist fight Selina again, I ain’t risking my skin for your pair of heels, — LISTEN. Code Cupid. YEAH!”

A beat.

“I didn’t think this day would come either! The kid listened to Nickleback, for fuck’s sake… I don’t know, I didn’t ask! Don’t embarrass him- Bruce, he’s a goddam drug lord, he embarrassed himself plenty. ‘Just for a bit’ — are you hearing yourself—“

Two beats.

“…Yeah. No yeah, — okay. Alright. Alright, babe. Yeah, whatever you want, sorry. I SAID ALRIGHT - okay, yeah. Love you too, fuckface, Huh? Uh, can’t hear. See you home.”

Now he just has to figure out how to drag Jason to the Wayne mansion without revealing they ALL know he’s been red hood since he started.

[celaenaeiln]

Im sorry, but what is this obsession with turning robin Dick into a angry monster? He wanted to kill the guy who killed his parents and that makes him bad? Because I’ve wanted to kill people for a lot less so *wipes sweat from brow* oh no.

Was Robin Dick deranged? Yes. Psychotic, bonkers, had a couple dozen loose screws? ABSOLUTELY YES!

But was he also sweet, awe-inspiring, caring, and happy? Duh!! He was the first child hero bro! Ofcourse he was. He had to be because he was a child hero born in the 40s and they might’ve been depressed as hell but they sure ain’t gonna show that on the outside!

Late teens Dick was a dangerous, flaming hot, fashion designer bag of rage and stress and he’s fucking valid for that because Bruce kicked him out because he was worried and jealous. I wouldn’t know where to throw that all rage either if that was me. Certainly not running a team of the best child heroes, unlike him- the crazy asshole.

And why. Why. WHYWHYWHWYHWYWHYYYYY ARE PEOPLE ALWAYS COMPARING JASON AND DICK?! If one exists the other cannot. Bro, they’re not a fucking coin. So WHY?!

Ok. Okay. Lets say that Dick had anger issues because he wanted to kill his parents’ killer. Then did Jason not have anger issues because he threw a drug dealer that had nothing to do with him off a roof to the man’s death thus leading to a fraught relationship between him and Batman until he died? No? Then fuck off!

Why does one have to be boxed into a category so the other can look better. Dick and Jason both developed anger issues but at two different times. Dick’s started when he and Bruce began feuding at 17. Jason started when he came back with a vengeance at 19. Oh. Would you look at that. They both got angry because of Batman at around the same age! What a coincidence. Perhaps writers did that because they needed them to move into a new story arc in their lives like what actual people do at 18.

And here’s the main thing. If Jason was a cute, innocent angel that became angry and temperamental after coming back from the dead, then why can’t you grant the same olive branch to Dick? How can you say that Jason had the capability of changing from robin to Redhood while Dick could not do the same for his Robin to Nightwing? Looking at the comics, Dick was super sweet (“Holy Batman!”) so why is it so hard to believe he changed too when Bruce ripped his family colors from him and threw him out on the streets because of his own jealousy and love.

So can we please, please change the fucking narrative here? The Golden Boy grew into a multifaceted single parent who has too many kids and is in charge of the whole world and The Cool Kid became an incredible crime fighting warlord who fights for Justice even in outer space. They’re both equally cool, right?

Now back to what I was saying -THEY ARE NOT WHO YOU THINK. The real angry kid here is Damian so why are you pushing that brand onto both of these two when they were nothing like that?!

That label-making factory should be shut down and sued for fraud because here’s how it is:

Dick - deranged, happy robin. The one you whip your head over your shoulder at to make sure you heard him correctly because he says the craziest shit in the most chirpiest of tones. He’ll set fire to a bad guy’s pants and walk back whistling to a secretly approving Batman (canon btw).

Jason - rational, boastful kid. The one you smirk at because the both of you saw someone egg a house who you know is owned by an asshole. He goes into battle fists first or he’ll hold back Batman when he’s gone too far (canon btw).

Tim - bruh no labels because what the fuck is he even. He’s a combo of Jason and Dick. He’ll say something that’s crazy but in a completely calm voice so you dismiss it or think he’s joking (canon btw).

Damian - rational, angry kid. The one where he’s angry but he’s cute and he means the best so you wanna wrap him in a blanket and throw him up in the air and laugh as he shrieks angrily on his way down. He’ll steal the bat sign and run around with it until Batman makes him put it back (canon btw).

So, in conclusion, because my English teachers taught me to end any essay with a concluding paragraph even though this sounds less like an essay and more like a stream of words from my consciousness - Jason and Dick were happy kids. Yes, Dick grew angry at 17 because Bruce wouldn’t let him stay with the titans and he fired him over a bullet wound but no, you cannot use Tony Zucco as his defining point.

Because, to be fair, you are not your past. Your past can shape you but it does not define you. Where you come from does not dictate who you will be. That depends on you and what you believe is right. And neither Dick nor Jason let their pasts define them. So don’t call either of them angry robins when they were both happy as possible.

Please give this some thought because having either one of them angry so young isn’t fun for anyone. Love to see them raging though. Give me wild, powerful Dick Grayson effortlessly whirling down dozens of enemies in a storm of electrical fury. Give me crazy, badass Jason Todd taking down men in a fiery blaze of a tornado given form. Give me that anger. Just not at fucking 8.

[corvidscreams]

Proper maintenance is key. Can’t fight crime if you ain’t cute. Enjoy your bribe @beskad

[theangrycomet-art]

Can’t Fight Crime if you Ain’t Cute, 2/3 Heroes Agree

“C’mon Rev, if you don’t strike a pose no one’s gonna believe it you three are the next top models.” Lowering the camera, Lexi wagged a finger at the less then ecstatic roadrunner.

“Yeah, c’mon girlfriend, you gotta work it!” Danger snapped his fingers, earning him a short glare.

“Remind-me-again-why-I-have-to-go?” Adjusting his skirt for the fifth time, he waved to the other part of the lab where Tech was coding, pen hanging loosly from his mouth as he typed. “It’s-his-program-that-we-have-to-install-and-really-he-should-be-the-one-to-get-to-install-it-plus-”

Ace shut his beak with a pinch.

“Rev we’ve been over this-” He said, flicking some purple strands back into place with his ears as he released Rev’s face. “We need to be as quick as possible with this, and between your software skills and speed, you’ve gotta be the one to do it. Tech just can’t hack the computer fast enough.”

“Besides,” Danger added, rolling his eyes. “Tech doesn’t have the figure for that outfit.”

---

I wish LU had more undercover moments, or ANY where they weren’t still in their uniform.

Danger and Rev I can understand, their uniform/color holograms make some degree of sense for their species. Ace sure. Lexi... maybe. But your seriously telling me no one’s going to notice a neon green coyote or a giant purple Tasmanian devil? C’mon.

[angrylilcyclops-art]

You can’t fight crime if you ain’t cute.

Idk if there’ll be drama in this event but it still stands, he needs to look cute.

[melodicheauxxlovesfood]

The way gunning for everything that we fought for is fucking wild to me. They trying to take away abortions, interracial relationships, lgbtqia+ rights—it’s not going to end. The main reason they want this abortion law abolished is because apparently white women are the main ones getting abortions, and it’s decreasing the white population. (If black women were to get one, they would also have to be sterilized, a very old law that they want to bring back).

Never mind that atopic pregnancy exists. Never mind pregnancy mortality rates and complications or even rape pregnancies exists, they don’t matter right? I’m so sick of cis gendered old ass men that never owned a uterus telling women/non binary/trans women what they can and can’t do with their bodies.

Want us to have these kids that y’all know are fucking expensive while living in a high ass economy that we already can’t afford to live in by our own selves; arresting women because these buffoons can’t tell the difference between an abortion and a miscarriage and now having to deal with men who don’t understand the meaning of no and get angry when they don’t get their way (thanks to their horrible ass parents)

The people that don’t want kids send them to orphanages where, let’s be honest, are either selected by age (everyone wants the cute baby and not the kid that’s three with a name and a formed personality cause they can’t control them) and race (everyone knows it’s white kids, POC kids and then, if they’re lucky, black kids that get adopted, in that order) or these children don’t get adopted, get mistreated in the system (as they often do) and at least 50%-75% are molded into evil ass adults who to turn to crime to survive cause it’s all they know and it creates a cycle of evil! Or they skip all that and kill the babies or themselves.

Now let me clarify that I love children and always wanted a few of my own. But between the evil ass men in this world and the threat of getting arrested just for a possible health complication during a pregnancy, having children will never be option for me and it’s not fair. We should not have to suffer at the hands of some moral high ground over men who can’t separate church and state (we all know that the Bible was revised thanks to king James, everything written is stolen from other religions and written as a lie). And I don’t wanna hear that just move bullshit cause you damn well hardly anyone has the means to do so.

Erasing the existence of all of these communities—black, lgbtqia, POC, interracial—is a slap in the face and we know this. We know it and once again it’s up to certain people to fix it cause we know who ain’t 😒😒😒. The Lovings didn’t fight for nothing, Marsha P. Johnson didn’t fight for nothing—our leaders didn’t fight for nothing!

**also, The fact that 1 in 3 pregnancies result in miscarriage outside of any control of the woman (transgender, non-binary, cis) the psychological trauma to have to be investigated for it and then grieve the loss is a wonder how these people haven’t lost their fucking minds yet. Cause if I know that if I am being forced to go through pain (they already believe black women don’t feel pain) of labor or a miscarriage, then be subjected to an investigation of said miscarriage AND THEN live through the fear of that investigation, waiting to be cleared of all charges just to have to grieve a loss by the end of it, I’d be emotionally scared. Rape victims already get victimized cause their rapist wants custody of the children from the result of the action if a pregnancy happens out of it. The same muthafuckas that don’t want to get vaccinated are the same ones that want to police us for our bodies, our skin, and who we love.

[aylaaescar]

I miss Vanyla so a post about random facts for her:

very much in denial of being a lesbian back when she was still a noble, since it was kind of expected that she was gonna marry and have babbys (Fereldan nobility seems like it’s still largely. heteronormative, tbh.) her first major crush was a visiting merchant’s daughter when she was 14, and her way of dealing with it was basically that “get out of my school” tweet lol.

made her parents’ life a nightmare when it came to finding her a husband, once again courtesy of being in the closet. insisted she would only marry for true love, and that no man had presented himself as being worthy of her yet. very big Jasmine from Aladdin energy.

idc what they showed in-game, my girl’s bedroom at the castle was a room w at least two closets for all her dresses and shoes, a four poster canopy bed, and a cozy fur rug. also whatever books from their library she was reading that week.

also, big on reading. if Thedas has brain teasers and jigsaw puzzles, she’d like them too? I imagine her way of relaxing was taking a book out to the gardens and reading in solitude, or with her mabari Yeralt with her.

saying that she was unpopular at the castle is a bit like saying water is wet. my girl was a spoiled rotten brat who stomped her foot and threw tantrums if she didn’t get her way - probably her family and a handful of the staff were the only people to like her. when she’s developed and seen the world outside of her privileged experience during the Blight, she regrets how nasty she was.

“you can’t fight crime if you ain’t cute” femme with a love of pink, makeup, and hair braiding. Leliana was the first person in the group she liked thanks to that convo they had about Leli missing Orlesian fashion lol.

I like to imagine that she escapes the castle even if Duncan isn’t there! just kind of shoved out of the servants’ passage by her parents in that timeline. :( since she doesn’t have Duncan to take her to Ostagar, that version of her is a rogue on the run who kind of needs to take a crash course in learning to fend for herself while hiding from Howe’s men.

still becomes a kinder and more empathetic person in that ‘verse the same way she does as a Warden, and has some Robin Hood esque qualities. steal and give to the poor.

[mabelsguidetolife]

i was always sooo jealous of sakura kinomoto for having a friend who designs cute outfits for you regularly and for free just because you can’t fight crime if you ain’t cute….. i mean, i still am, because who actually gets that opportunity irl????

[nriacc]

i.am.scared.

SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER WHAT

1. im mentally prepared for leeds drama

2. george stripping yes more of this please

3. yes please lets have wheels lick him

4. MATTY AND WHEELS HAVE PEACE THANK YOU JESUS I DIDNT THINK I WOULD BE THIS RELIEVED OH GOD

5. they are… kissing…. why WHY WHYYYYY DO THEY ALWAY WIN WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS WHY WHY WHYY

6. theres no me without you jesus FUCK OFF that’s so cute but FUCK OFF YOUVE HAD YOUR MOMENT LET ME HAVE ONE (1) THING

7. you’ve made my dreams come true sweetheart FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFF WHYYYYYTYYYYYYT

8. WHEELS STOP whyyy are you kissing him does she not realize the state i’m in ??!!!

9. matty wheels kiss and george wheels kiss and matty george kiss… i see the vision

10. no, hann won’t be the only one upset i’d she falls for him again because i will commit crimes if that happens

11. strawberry shots on their rider for her JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHYYYYYYYYYY and they all know he’s doing a little toast to her MAKE IT STOP PLEASEEEEEE

12. i am not team matty. I am NOT team matty.

13. body shots ON GEORGE PLEASE / in my kind that happened so i’m just gonna say i was ROBBED of body shots on george’s body

14. reading his name hurt… and she’s trying but he’s ignoring her just kill me already i cant take this

15. book the laser removal appointment i will rip my brain out through my eye sockets i swear to god

16. he didnt let her see him in sheffield i’m going to stab both my eyes so i don’t have to keep reading or else i will scream

17. yes matt GO OFF!!! LET HIM KNOW !! and punch him in the face while youre at it

18. i regret point 13 tequila shots off of George’s torso is all the description i need

19. hesnotwithheranymore and i mean fuck him but still… hesnotwithheranymore

20. oh yeah that door ringing oh god yeah that ain’t matty i know it in my gut and i cannot i CANNOT I CANNOT ABSOLUTELY CANNOT HANDLE IT RIGHT NOW

21. FUCKHIMFUCKHIM BUT OHGOOOOD HES THERE AND FUCK HIM BUT AHHHHH WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY I CANT

22. and fuck him but he’s back and god he’s back and he’s sorry and he’s there and he’s an asshole but he knows it and he’s so sorry and he’s so so sorry and he said he was sorry and i know he’s so wrong and so terrible and 6 months gone and jesus christ but he’s back and crying and sorry and so so sorry help

These reactions are priceless I can’t stop laughing.

1. I love how I’ve made leeds fest scary to people 😂

2. Always more of George stripping is needed 🔥

3. I got you bestie

4. Yayyyyyyyyy 🥳🥳🥳 we love Matty and wheels being happy and friends again

5. Very emotional time bless them. Kisses were mostly because Matty was that over the moon he felt like it was 2012 again and was too happy to realise what he was doing.

6. They are so very very cute but omg I’m giggling at your comment hahahaha

7. BECAUSE THEY ARE SO ADORABLEEEEE

8. Wheels sends her personal apologies to you and she hopes you’re feeling better now 💜

9. It’s definitely what we like to see 👀

10. I have a slight prediction you’re choosing the Alex ending 😂😂😂😂😂

11. I can’t he’s too cute. He would defo do that for wheels 🥹🥹🥹

12. Hahahahhaha I’m slowly converting youuu

13. I got you. I got you.

14. This part was painful to write honestly

15. It got me so fucking angry the bit about the laser removal 🥊🥊🥊 I knew we’d all fight him

16. Christ, Alex is suck a prick at the beginning of this chapter

17. Matt deserves a fucking medal for the shit he said to Alex. This truly was matts redemption

18. Yasssss I got you 🥳

19. Yayyyyyyy hesnotwithheranymoreeee yayyyyyyyyyy

20. 🥹🥹🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

21. HES BACKKKKKKK

22. He’s back and he’s here to stay. No more fucking up for Alex now. He’s gunna grovel and he’s gunna do us all proud. We all love him v much 🥹🥹🥳🥳🥳🥳

[acepalindrome]

I don’t care how dark or serious the world is, every video game should have cute and/or silly items. I want a shield that’s just a big wheel of cheese and a flower crown, thank you.

[keitheaverage]

remember when we were all drawing tintin in cute dresses? thems was simpler times. i miss that.

[glysaturn]

genji wearing makeup gives me life but i wonder does McCree ever let genji do his makeup?

yeah sure 

[tricos-here]

can’t fight crime if you ain’t cute 💠