#You're not funny you're just an asshole and I'm not sorry to say that either

[neon-moon-beam]

Okay, very serious about this dni here

I don't know what is happening but there is an influx of 9/*1 jokes on this site.

Considering I was alive when it happened (in late elementary school) and have many memories of it, lived through the aftermath, saw everything change overnight, and then saw the fallout of innocent people caught up in the resulting war, I don't find them funny, and find the people making them to be rude and sick.

Innocent people dying should NEVER be a joke. I live in NYC, and there are memorials everywhere to those lost. Not just at the place where it happened, but in the neighborhoods they lived in, etc. Many people knew someone who died, or was directly impacted.

Do not interact with me if you find those jokes funny. And especially not if you make them yourself, reblog or otherwise share them. I'm serious.

And to any edgelords who might come across this post and send me shit on anon, I will not post your messages or respond to them, and I will block you as tumblr allows anons to be blocked. So don't waste your time.

[ohara-n-brown]

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

[imfinereallyy]

I wonder if you look both ways (When you cross my mind) pt. 3

a nice long update for ya ♡ part 1 part 2

cw: internalized homophobia and projecting internalized homophobia (from an oc)

🐝･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･✦ʚɞ

June 1996, Chicago

Steve's first steps into his living room are not met with silence and sunshine; in fact, he is met with two surprises.

The first being Eddie Munson still in his apartment.

Steve rubs the tired out of his eyes, squishing his palm into his lids in hopes of shaking out a morning delusion. He is proven unsuccessful..

His second surprise is that Eddie is awake, staring at Steve in high alert, blankets folded neatly (he must have scrounged around for them in the night, not that Steve minds), sitting patiently as if he has been waiting for hours for Steve's arrival.

If the second surprise hadn't happened, Steve might have excused the first. See, Eddie, in all the years he had known him, had been anything but an early riser, usually choosing to sleep the day away. So if he had been asleep still, Steve might have let him being in his apartment slide.

Steve ponders how he doesn't really know Eddie anymore, so he shouldn't actually be surprised.

Eddie clears his throat, "So, how about that talk?"

Steve has to resist shutting his eyes to relish in the sound of Eddie's deep timbre. His voice has grown scratchy over the years—from singing or cigarettes, Steve can't be sure. It feels like coming home, either way, to have his voice brush over him.

Instead, Steve clears his throat back. "Don't have time; maybe try again in another five years." He moves to the kitchen to start making their morning drinks—hot coffee with cream for Robin and an iced dirty chai for Steve.

When Dustin had been working at a cafe back when he was in college, he made Steve try all of their new drinks. Surprisingly his favorite became a dirty chai—something which Robin finds hilarious.

Steve grabs the chipped green mug from the cabinet and begins pouring Robin's coffee. It had already been hot and ready in the pot, which probably meant Eddie had prepped it for him. Steve doesn't comment.

Eddie huffs through his nose, "C'mon Stevi—Steve. It's ten in the morning on a Saturday. You can't tell me you're busy right now."

Steve has to resist slamming Robin's mug down on the counter, already having being put together after the 1994 incident, he doesn't want to face her wrath.

Gently placing it on the counter, Steve turns. "Actually, I have somewhere to be at twelve, not that you need to know that. And don't act like you know what's going on in my life, Munson."

Eddie smiles, a little laugh escapes him. God, it is like a fucking drug after years of being sober that laugh. Steve wants to beg him for another hit, even though he knows it's bad for him.

With the smile never leaving his face, Eddie raises his hands. "Okay, okay. You're right."

"Why are you smiling? This isn't funny." Steve huffs.

Eddie's face softens, "Sorry, just even though you're mad at me. You're talking to me, and shit, sweetheart. I would take that over silence any day. It's nice to hear your voice."

Steve has to force himself to keep his shoulders tense, wanting to sag into Eddie. He's still mad at him, furious even. But some part of him agrees deep down, this is nice.

He can never let Eddie know that.

"Fuck off, Munson. I have shit to do. I'm sure you're too busy anyway."

Eddie shakes his head, hair falling in front of his face. "No, trust me I have nothing else going on. The band is on hiatus. And even if we weren't, trust me when I say this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now."

Steve can't help the snort that comes out of him, "Funny you're asking me to trust you, asshole. That went out the door with your bags five years ago."

Eddie flinches back, "Okay, I deserve that one."

Steve doesn't mention to Eddie how he knows his band has been on hiatus for over a year now. How he's kept up on the band, even after Eddie left. How he is curious why they went on hiatus at all, they have two successful albums, and supposedly were working on their third, when suddenly they all decided it was time for a break.

Peak of their career, and they chose silence. Normally, a horrible career move, but it seems it makes the rock community want them even more.

Steve can understand that partially. When it comes to Eddie, you can't help but want more, even when he disappears without a trace.

"I got to go get ready. Seriously, Munson. I know you think I don't mean it when I say leave. I think you're stuck on the Steve from five years ago, and how the Steve from then wouldn't really mean it. But this is the Steve now. And Steve from now means it when he says, get the fuck out. Go find someone else who could actually use your presence, like Dustin. God knows the kid deserves a phone call."

Eddie opens his mouth to protest, but doesn't get to chance to say his peace, Steve's already on his way back to his bedroom with their drinks in hand.

🐝･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･✦ʚɞ

Steve is running late.

It's not his fault, he has a fucking ghost haunting his living room, and it takes him ten times longer to work around it. Robin tells him to cancel his lunch, but Steve doesn't, even though she's right.

Robin's always right.

Steve can't help but feel a little smug when thinking back to leaving his apartment, though. He looks good, wearing his nicest Levi's and soft white button-up. Steve had made sure to keep the top few buttons undone, showing off his gold necklaces that landed perfectly on his exposed chest hair.

For Drew, of course, not for Eddie.

Still, Steve knows he looks good. So when he leaves his apartment and Eddie doesn't even bother to try to talk to him again because he is just too busy staring at Steve.

Steve makes it to the restaurant only five minutes late. It would have been on time if it had been in his athletic prime.

Resturant, Steve realizes, is a bit of a stretch. It appears to be a cafe--but not one of those cozy ones with crazy colors and a fun name. No, this cafe is incredibly fancy. Everything is so sleek and high up, the name in an Italian word he'll have to asked Robin to translate later.

Steve looks around the cafe in a huff, realizing Drew is nowhere to be found. He is momentarily flooded with relief, knowing he has beaten Drew to the cafe.

Steve finds a table in a corner and waits. His brief relief is quickly swept away into annoyance as he sits there for minutes with no signs of Drew.

It takes another thirty minutes, before Drew is finally at the cafe.

"Sorry, I'm late, baby." He says breath even. Steve knows he was in no rush to be here on time. He doesn't move to kiss Steve, not on the cheek and certainly not on the mouth. Drew isn't one for PDA, or so he says. Instead, he smooths down his dark blue Armani suit and sits across from Steve.

"You know, you could give me a kiss. I haven't seen you in a week." Steve decides to move past his being late; there is no point in arguing. If it had been him, Steve is sure he would never hear the end of it.

"Sweetheart..." Drew whispers and brushes his hand against Steve's knee. Steve's lip twitches; he doesn't like it when Drew calls him that. "You know it isn't safe to do that."

Steve wants to throw Drew's hand off of him, but he doesn't. It's always like this between them, Steve wants more, and Drew pulls back. It's beginning to feel tiresome, this game between them. They have been dating for a year and have made no progress in public. Steve's lucky Robin gets to know, seeing as basically no one else in either of their lives knows about each other. For Steve, everyone knows of Drew but not his name. For Drew, Steve is almost sure no one even knows he's gay.

Steve wants to hit himself for the thought. It's unfair of him to put these expectations on Drew, everyone comes out at their own pace. He would be a hypocrite if he pushed him; it had taken him nineteen years to figure out he was bisexual. Took Eddie leaving for him to come out to anyone other than Robin.

It feels different somehow with Drew, though. Like this isn't him scared to come out, but more like Drew doesn't actually see a future with Steve. It had taken them six months to even label themselves as boyfriends, moving from late-night booty calls to watching a movie together in Steve's living room in the middle of a Tuesday.

Steve rubs his temples instead of smacking Drew's hand away. Steve feels tired of this cycle. He knows this is the best he's going to get when it comes to dating. With women, they often want him to admit that he was experimenting, wanting to shun parts of himself away. That or they are convinced he's gay. Well, he is, but it's more than that, and they don't seem to get it.

With men, it's the opposite problem. Either they need him to admit being bisexual is just something he used to make himself feel better, or they are only looking for a quick hookup.

Hookups are nice, but approaching thirty, Steve wants something real and is perhaps sick of finding out the man he brings home from the bar is married.

He knows this is the best he's going to get.

"Maybe if we met a cafe in my neighborhood, we could be a bit more affectionate. The one down the block has a rainbow flag and everything."

Drew scrunches his nose, "Why do that when we can get nice coffee like this?"

Steve doesn't point out that neither Drew nor himself has ordered coffee. Steve can't afford the coffee here, and Drew was late. "I think that's your way of saying where I live isn't nice."

Drew grabs his hand under the table, "No, babe, I don't want to fight today. I've missed you."

Steve feels bad; he has missed Drew. Despite their ups and downs (and Robin's grumbles), Steve does care for him. "You're right, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Besides, I did want to have lunch for a reason." Drew smiles brightly. Steve can't help but stare for a minute. It's no surprise what hooked Steve the first moment they met at the club. He is a classic kind of handsome. Wavy brown hair cut to look proper, a shiny white smile, piercing blue eyes. Nothing about him is soft, he is full of sharpness that takes you from across the room.

He's the kind of guy Steve's parents would have loved if they were okay with Drew being a guy—if Steve was even talking to them at all.

"Oh yes, you've got me on the edge of my seat." Steve jokes.

Drew gives him a charming smile, "There's my funny guy."

Steve rolls his eyes.

"So I have a big question for you..."

Steve freezes up; oh no. Here it comes. The talk, the let's move into together speech. One he'll have to turn down. No one ever gets it. How he can't live without Robin. Literally and physically.

"....so Greg says there's an opening and I think you'd be a great fit."

Steve shakes himself out of his thoughts, "What?"

Drew levels him with a look. "A job? For you?"

Oh. "I already have a job."

It's Drew's turn to roll his eyes, "C'mon, Steve. A high school guidance counselor? You could do so much more."

"I like my job, Drew. We've been through this. Besides, you barely want to be seen together, and now you want to work together? I have no interest in working at a law firm."

Drew pinches his nose, "Just...just think about it, okay? I want to see more of you in any way I can."

Steve doesn't want to fight. The fight left him a long time ago. "Okay."

He doesn't mean it.

🐝･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･✦ʚɞ

aaah im loving where this is going, also I swear it gets better soon and this has a happy ending!! also thanks for the love and support. This will probably be the last part where I will take tag requests for the series so please ask now, cause its getting too long. But parts will always be updated on the previous posts and my page!!

tag list!:

@stevesbipanic @withacapitalp @emryyyyy09 @brainfugk @blueberrylemontea-fanfic

@slv-333 @thetinymm @connected-dots-st-reblogger @helpimstuckposting @dreamercec

@goodolefashionedloverboi @stripey82 @little2nerdy @anne-bennett-cosplayer @resident-gay-bitch

@ghostquer @sourw0lfs @devondespresso @yesdangerpls

@lingermirth

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@thesuninyaface @hallo-spaceb0y @dykelips @bookbinderbitch @valinwonderland

[gavisfanta]

NAPLES - GAVI

summary: you and gavi go to the stadium to watch the game together.

warning: not proofread cause I'm about to fall asleep

"This is insane" You smiled as you looked outside the car window. You were just driving into the parking lot of the stadium. There were still three hours to go until the game started and there were already fans outside, singing or rather shouting barca chants.

"I don't know, it's kinda sad that we act like it's a final." Gavi mumbled and pulled intk the underground garage. You hit his arm which was on the gear stick and then gave him an annoyed look.

"Hey! What was that for?" Gavi turned off the car and moved in his seat so that he was facing you.

"You're being so mean, be happy that people come to support the team." You turned your head away from him but felt Gavi laugh.

His fingers mkved to your chin and then made you look at himself. His eyes flashed between your eyes and your lips as he then pulled you into a passionate kiss.

"See? All good." The smile couldn't have been wiped off his face by anything. You tried so hard to resist not to smile but failed in the end. Slamming the car door shut you made your way over to Gavi who stood still to wait for you.

"Amor, you're right, I'm sorry." Gavi told you again while interlocking his fingers with yours.

"It's okay, dont worry." The reassuring smile on your face calmed him down and then the two of you went to the launch over the stands.

Just about half an hour later the players started arriving and so did Taia, Raphinhas wife.

She met you at the lounge first while Gavi went down into the locker room with the rest of the players.

When it was finally time for the players to start warming up, you made your way back to the seats behind the bench where Gavi, Pedri and Ferran were already sitting.

Pedri noticed you coming down the stairs already and stood up immediately.

He greeted you with a hug and then you two sat back down on either side of Gavi.

"It's funny how our company is always changing no?" Gavi turned to face you and a small smile was visible on your lips while you looked at Pedri's confused face.

"Yeah, last time it was João and Vitor, now its you and Ferran." You leaned a bit closer to the two after fixing your jacket.

"You two are assholes, I thought him alone was bad, but now you too?" Pedri said with a smile, his finger pointing between the two of you.

"Why is everyone always hating on us?" Gavi turned to you and while he did that Pedri pulled up the hood from Gavi's jacket and giggled as Gavi turned around to give him a nasty look.

"I have no idea." You shrugged your shoulders while shrugging your head. He put his hand kn your tigh while he watched the others warm up and automatically your hand rolled up his jacket and hoodie and started moving your fingers up and down on the veins on his arm.

Gavi was used to it at this point and only noticed by the cold air hitting his exposed arm.

"Are you trying to get him a cold? I'm in." Pedri leaned forward while stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

"No," You mumbled and Gavi sighed deeply, annoyed that he's gonna have to say it again instead of you.

"She says that I've got attractive arms. I know, João said the same, but listen, look at her. She eats Paella with noodles because 'it tastes better'." Gavi explained to Pedri who just laughed out loud.

"My cousin is saying that the whole time too. I don't get it." Pedri shruggdd his shoulders and you pulled the jacket back to his hand.

"Why did you stop?" Gavi immediately looked at you. He hated to admit it but he liked it.

"You for sure were cold." A light shrug was the only thing seen from you and Gavi pushed a strand of hair out of your face and then pulled the hood of your jacket up a bit further so that your ears wouldn't be exposed fully.

The whole time he did that, you looked at him with an admiring look which could be seen on tv.

As soon as the game began the stadium was going crazy. You've never hesrd Montjuic this loud before and you've been to quite some games.

"That was everything but a penalty." Gavi whispered to himself after a Napoli forward fell inside the bkx and asked for a penalty.

"Eh, I don't know." You sunk deeper into the seat becahse you were a bit cold. Your boyfriend noticed and then put his hand onto your tigh again, hs started rubbing it up and down until eventually you felt a bit of warmth flooding your body.

You didn't really realize it that often but he often touched you, no, he was always toching you somehow. His love language is physical touch after all.

Then in the secknd half-time after Lewandowski sckred the fourth goal for Barcelona, Gavi leaned closer to you.

"Cancelo just lost a hundred euros." His fingers covered his mouth while you gave him a confused look.

"Why?"

"He made bet that if Felix would sckre in front of him he'd give him one hundred euros." Gavi explained and you shook your head while you smiled. The stadium was still loud, even if Lewandowskis goal was a few minutes ago.

However, the noise didn't even compare to the end of the game when Barcelona won 4-2 on aggregate.

Gavi, Pedri and you celebrated by clapping your hands and Gavi went down into the tunnel with the other boys to celebrate the win.

Meanwhile Taia drove you home. So you got ready for bed but decided on waiting for Gavi to get home.

Around 11:30 he walked into the bedroom with a big smile on his face. "Hola Amor" He walked over to his wardrobe and started changing. "I hope Porto wins, Porto is easier than Arsenal." He turned around to face you while he changed into some shorts and took off his shirt.

"No matter who wins, we'll do amazing. Its the first time in two years that were pmaying in the last 8 of the champions league. You already won it all." You praised him while he got under the covers after he turned off the light.

"I already won it all to have you." A cheeky smile covering his lips as your face heated up and your cheeks turned red.

"Stop" You tried to cover up your mouth but he then pued you into a kiss which you didn't say no to.

"Don't cover up your smile, it's beautiful." Your stomach cramped as soon as the words left his mouth. Then he gave you one last kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight amor."

[carmyboobear]

hi tuna! i was wondering if you could write something where carmy and reader are at a house party and either one of them is sitting on the roof smoking a joint and the other finds them up and there joins them? thank u in advance <3

YES. I really loved this prompt... so here ya go!

word count: 1.4k

content tags: smoking, substance use, first meetings

Parties like this aren't usually your scene. 

It's not like you can't appreciate it as a bystander—you suppose there's an appeal to music so loud you can't hear your own thoughts. There are certainly some days where you want to lose yourself in a crowd, drunk and careless. Today is not one of those days. 

You can't quite remember how your friend convinced you to come to their party. It'll be fun, they promised, a nice change of pace. It is a nice change of pace, sure. It's different from sitting by yourself at home, but…

Now you're just sitting by yourself at someone else's home, smoking a joint on their porch. 

This is more your pace. You're relaxed into one of your friend's water stained outdoor chairs, feet propped up on a low table. This is about all you can handle today—slow drags of weed and the sound of summer bugs in the trees. The sound of the party lays muffled behind you, sealed by the porch door. 

The noise of the music and dancing inside becomes sharp for a moment as you hear the door opening. You look over your shoulder to see someone you don't recognize hastily stepping out. He seems frazzled, brushing back the brown waves in his face back with his hand. He also seems very…handsome.

“Sorry, didn't know anyone was out here,” is the first thing he says. He has a nice voice, low and smooth. And nervous, you notice. 

“It's cool. It's not like I own the porch.” You shrug, taking another inhale from your sizzling joint. You had hoped that your comment would loosen the tension that'd tied knots all in his face, but it doesn't. He just laughs breathlessly back, short and shaky. “Not a party person?”

“Not really.” He pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. That's when you notice the tattoos on his hands, emblazoned across the backs and his knuckles. Pretty. “You?”

“Sometimes. But not today.” That works—you see him visibly relax, even if just a little bit. “My friend invited me—it's their party—but I, I don't know. I guess I thought I'd be up for it, but…” You shrug. “And now I'm here.”

“I see. I get that. Uh—” He pauses, taking a slow hit from his white cigarette. “My coworkers, um, they invited me. I didn't wanna be an asshole, so I came, but…” He sighs. “Yeah. Now I'm here.”

“Tough.” You nod at the empty seat next to you. “Seat's open, if you want it.”

“Thanks.” He takes the seat next to you. This is when you really take notice of his muscles, especially his biceps and pecs wrapped tightly in that white t-shirt of his. A burst of attraction rushes through you.

“Uh—” You should keep talking. Distract yourself from his, uh, everything. “Do you smoke?” He gives you a funny look, eyes glancing towards his cigarette. “Fuck, I mean, do you smoke weed? Sorry, I'm a little high.”

“It's cool.” He's actually smiling now. It's a nice smile. “Yeah, not often, but I do.”

“Well.” You extend your hand towards him, offering him the joint. “You can have some of this if you want. Might help you relax. No pressure, of course.”

“...Actually, yeah. That'd be nice. Thank you.” He takes the joint from you with his other hand. Now he's got a cigarette in one and a joint in another. You both share an amused, knowing look. “You smoke cigs?”

“Sometimes. Here, let's trade.” He hands you his cigarette. “Not that there's anything wrong with dual-wielding. Take one hit off the joint, and then off the cig…”

“Dual-wielding,” he repeats, laughing under his breath. You chuckle, entertained by the thought and his reaction. You don't mean to watch him as he brings the joint up to his lips and pulls, but you do anyway. You're not sure if him smoking a cigarette or a joint looks more attractive. 

“I feel like we should know each other's names now.” You know it sounds a bit forward, but the high's making you brave. You introduce yourself to him. “And your name is?”

“I'm Carmen.” Of course even his name is pretty. “Most people just call me Carmy, though.”

“Carmy.” You can't help your smile. “That's cute. Do you have a preference?”

“Uh—” He looks good with a little bit of pink on his cheeks. “Carmy's fine.”

“Okay, then. Carmy it is.” 

You two develop a rhythm. You trade the joint and cigarette back and forth, inhaling puffs of weed and tobacco back to back. Intimate is not quite the right word to describe it, but you're not sure if there's a better word for it. You definitely feel something of a connection pulling the both of you closer together. You even think that somehow, the space between your seats is shrinking too.

“I used to smoke more weed back in college,” Carmy says. The joint's almost finished by now, and with it, you both become a lot more loose-lipped. He's staring into the distance like he's remembering something. “You ever green out?”

“Oh yeah, plenty of times.” You laugh to yourself, shaking your head. “Back when I first started smoking—well, I started with edibles.”

“As does everyone.”

“Yeah, and it's stupid. It's way too easy to go overboard with edibles.”

“Seriously. I've only ever had edibles once, and. Well.”

“Ah…It was bad, I take it?”

“Yep.” He laughs quietly, and the infectious sound of it makes you smile. “It was awful. I even threw up.”

“Oh no,” you gasp. “That's how you know it's bad. I've managed to stop myself from throwing up, but I've definitely felt like I was dying a couple times.”

“Oh, of course. As it goes.” You both chuckle. “I thought my tolerance was high enough. It wasn't that many milligrams, but I guess my body hated it.”

“It happens.” The cigarette dies out in your hands, burned right down to the filter. You snub it out on the arm of your chair. “I used to enjoy edibles, but ever since I greened out real bad one time, I just can't do them anymore. They just wreck my shit.”

“Maybe that's for the best.” He puts out the joint too. “Just stick to regular lung damage like the rest of us.”

“Lessons learned, I guess.” You grin. A comfortable pause settles. “...Carmy?”

“Yeah?”

“We've smoked it all. Everything.”

“I have some more cigarettes if you want one.”

“No, no…” You lean forward, propping your elbows on your knees. He instinctively mirrors you, sitting up in his chair. “It's all gone.”

“Oh. Well.” He tilts his head to the side. “What should we do now?”

“We could sit here and suffer. Or…” You rest your chin in the palms of your hands, cradling your face. “I could roll us another joint back at my place.”

“Oh.” Looks like it clicked. His blue eyes are widened with surprise.

“You don't have to,” you say quickly, “really. But I've been having a good time with you, and I…I like you. I think you're cute.” Ordinarily, you wouldn't be this forward, but you swear you feel something here. “Sorry if this is—too much.”

“No, not at all,” he replies, just as quick. “Don't apologize. Please. I just—” He fumbles, making a vague hand gesture. “This has been really, really nice. You're so easy to talk to, and I, I'm not used to that.” He smiles at you, shy and adorable. You're momentarily gripped with something akin to cuteness aggression, but you keep it under wraps. “I…I like you. A lot. I'd love to go to your place.”

“Yeah?” He nods. “Okay. Cool. Um…” You feel your insides jumbling all over each other. “Sorry, now I'm getting all flustered.”

“It's okay.” His smile blossoms further, turning into something radiant. “I like it. You're cute.” You make a small noise at that.

“Smooth talker.” You stand up from your seat, and he looks up at you momentarily before following suit. “I'm just down the block. Up for a walk?”

You don't bother telling your friend you're leaving. The two of you chat and laugh all the way to your place, your voices echoing down the quiet road. Turns out your friend was right after all—the party turned out to be very, very fun. 

[fuck-customers]

today, mar 25 2024, a woman came into my red hardware store and dumped her bag of returns on my counter. she said "i have a fucking return. it's all coming the fuck back. i don't need any of this fucking stuff" and i was instantly on edge because she's being loud and every other word was another f-bomb. and i GET IT i get swearing, i get being angry, but why the hell are you upset with me lol i looked at the pile of stuff and was like "oh did you buy this yesterday?" because i recognized the pile of items as things that i had personally rung up at some point. it's a bunch of electrical stuff like outlet covers and some solenoids or wtv. but god i shouldn't've said anything. because she snaps "No what the fuck. i bought this fucking weeks ago. and i dont fucking need it. so i'm returning it"

and i'm like.. damn ok, fine. she's digging for receipts. and has a huge stack of Orange Hardware store receipts. and i'm watching her flip through them and she snaps "go ahead and grab yours if you recognize it!" and i'm like 'uh.. ok i'm pretty sure that my store's receipt is this one' and i pointed at one (idk if its just the font but i recognized my store's receipt and yoinked it out.

so i start processing her return. she's like "ugh i need to go get my card from the car!" and i'm like ok, that's fine. she doesn't really need it for the return but 1) i want her to get away from me because i'm gonna call a manager she's being such an asshole. 2) her friend was looking for other stuff to buy.

she comes back in with her card. i'm like scanning and returning the items. 3 items i KNOW are NOT ours are on the pile. im like.. i don't want to deal with her trying to insist that they belong to our store. but i scan one. it beeps 'item not found' i go 'oh well these items aren't from our store, sorry i can't return them"

and she's like "i dont see how that's fucking possible! everything in that bag is from this fucking store!" and she's just absolutely shrieking. and i don't understand why she's mad, like i don't get it. the manager came up and was like 'we don't sell this product. sorry we can't do a return on it.'

she screams some more but accepts that they must be Orange Hardware and not Red Hardware. She goes out to "make a call while her friend shops"

and i swear to god that she was screaming at someone on the phone for next fourteen minutes and everyone inside the store could hear her from the parking lot. every other word out of this woman's mouth was "fuck" and it was setting my nerves on edge.

her friend finally came up to buy his shit. and it totals $77. she's standing at the door handing him her visa and she is PISSED that the total is $77. she says she doesn't understand how it could add up to that much. and im like uhmmmm.. they're plumping parts.. and the stupid toys you're buying for your grandkids pushed the total to $77 after tax.. either buy it or leave. i don't care

she ended up buying it but you could still hear her swearing up and down the parking lot as she was screaming on the phone with her mother (apparently) saying that she was going to need to be reimbursed for the shit she was buying

and i'm just like... goddamn, i dont care how awful your day is. don't take it out on employees or customers you asshat.

the only funny part about this is the fact that her name was actually Karen. which just made me laugh. but all the other staff had come up to the front to make sure i was okay while she was yelling. and she did get intimidated by some of the men and slink out while her friend paid for the stuff. but still.. a big yikes.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[ms--lobotomy]

5th fic in 4 (?) days? I'm so normal. I'm so normal. I'm so normal. Aaah [Previous] [Next]

Summary: Your first day of work after you start feeling a funny way about the funny merman.

Word Count: 1257

Content Warnings: car dependent infrastructure, Typhus existing again, cliffhanger

Image Credit: @squishyowl

Your fingers drummed on the steering wheel as your playlist looped back around to that song. You couldn't close your eyes, not now, but your heart beat faster in your chest as you remembered how he held you, the beat of his hearts against your face. It's just fascination, you told yourself. You haven't even known each other for a week.

You pulled into the employees' parking lot before you found a spot, cut Dave Grohl off mid-word, and got out of the car.

"Sorry, Dave," you mumbled as you locked it.

You speedwalked towards the door, going through all the familiar motions of clocking in. You looked at the time. Two minutes late. You sighed as you checked in with the baby turtle. It was a green sea turtle, but the babies were more black or dark brown than anything. You bent down to look at it. The tank was very small, but the little one didn't seem to mind it. After a few moments of swimming, it settled on the bottom. The corners of your lips quirked up before you heard footsteps behind you.

You turned around. It was Typhus.

"Hey," he said casually. "Oh, you found the Nurgling?"

"The what?"

Typhus chuckled. He came in close to you, and you backed away slightly. "I call him the Nurgling," he said, looking down at the tiny sea turtle. "I don't know if it's going to be his name, it's a bit of an in-joke I have with someone. Haven't given him a nametag yet, either. First thing I'm going to do today. How's the merman?"

"Oh," you said, slightly taken aback before remembering that he was there too. "He's doing... better than expected. I showed him some of my music, and he seemed to like it. I hope, at least?"

"Alright, okay," said Typhus, nodding slightly. "Didn't know that one of the first things you'd do when you found a merman was to show him dad rock. But to each their own."

"Why, what would you do?"

"I'd show him Slipknot, personally," he shrugged.

You let out a slight laugh, turning to walk away before he continued.

"I think someone should check up on him," he said. He was much taller than average, reaching almost 7 feet standing. "Don't you think?" He moved a little closer to you, and you backed away, but you were getting precariously close to the wall. Shit.

"I mean, I would like to get to know Stella better," you mumbled. You tried to walk away, but he shifted in front of you.

"Aren't they so busy, though?" he asked, turning up his nose a little bit. "I don't have anything going tonight, and I'd hate to get in the way of anyone's activities. Besides," he said, "all of us found the merman. It's all of our duty to look after him, right?" His leg was almost between yours, and you shrunk back even further.

"Excuse me, what the actual fuck are you doing?" asked the girl with the brown ponytail.

"Maya, it's not what it looks like--" said Typhus, backing away.

Maya was around 5 feet tall at most, but she looked at Typhus with nothing less than fury in her hazel eyes. "Back off, Typhus. Now." Her hands were clenched into fists, with only the chipped nail polish on her thumb showing, but her tone was more akin to scolding a disobedient dog.

Typhus looked at her, then at you before backing away slowly. "Guess we should get back to work," he muttered before turning tail and heading towards one of the animals in need of rehabilitation.

"I'll say," said Maya, glaring at him before she turned back to you. "I know you don't want to hear this, but you're going to have to stand up for yourself one of these days," she said, in a tone low enough that Typhus couldn't hear. "I know we're coworkers, but I care about you. And I hate to see this... asshole get in your face when you clearly don't want it."

You paused, shuffling your feet before steeling yourself. "I'll do my best," you mumbled.

"You said that last time," said Maya, raising an eyebrow.

"Alright," you sighed. "Alright, I'll try for real this time."

"Thank you," she replied, moving off to her next post. You stood there for a moment, hands over your stomach. You grabbed your index and middle finger with your dominant hand before heading off to your post and starting the workday for real.

...

The workday ended in due time, slow and steady. Most of it was spent in the breakroom when not checking in on the animals and feeding them. Typhus was gone from the picture for much of it, gods know where. You said your goodbyes to the group before getting back into your car, and your playlist was back where you'd left it. You sighed, putting your head on the steering wheel.

Alright, you reasoned with yourself, you need to go home. You have a merman to attend to.

The song finished, and you showed up at your house soon enough. You didn't even enter through your front door, instead beelining to the back. Mortarion looked up at you, his tail swishing in the water, before he swam to the side of the pool.

"How was... work?" he asked. "Do pardon me, I am still learning your species' nomenclature."

"Work is the right word," you said, kneeling next to him. "I do hope you didn't get too lonely, Mortarion.."

"I endure," he said, looking up at you. You took off your socks and shoes and left them by the side of the pool before you looked down at your pants.

"Is something wrong with your pants?" Mortarion asked.

"I..." you started. "So, humans wear pants underneath their pants. Most of the time, at least? And it's a bit uncouth in our culture to show them. Uh..." you started, blushing. "Man. I'm too tired to go upstairs and change. Is it okay if I show you the... garments under my pants?"

"I don't see anything wrong with it," Mortarion shrugged before you tugged off your pants. You took your phone and keys out of your pocket, and put them on the glass table by your pool before dipping your legs into the pool again. Mortarion looked away, before he looked back up at your face.

"You're beautiful," he said, before tensing up. You heard a car pull into your driveway, and you tensed up too.

"I'm not expecting anyone," you said, getting up quickly. "Please. Hide?" you asked.

"You don't exactly had a huge pool," he grumbled, submerging himself.

You entered through the back door, and looked out front. The car was... familiar, though you couldn't put your finger on where it was from. Hurriedly, you looked for something to put around your waist before you found a blanket on your couch and draped it over you as quick as you could. And then you saw the person coming out of the car.

It was Typhus.

Part of you was relieved that it wasn't a fed or anything, but it was Typhus. You rushed back towards Mortarion, towards your backyard, as he made his way through the gate. He shut the wooden thing with a quiet thud, as his eyes darted to you. You shifted the blanket over your legs, glad that it was covering quite a bit.

"I..." you started, your fists balling up. You looked to your feet. "I didn't invite you here."

Taglist: @bispecsual@justeverythingnothingelse@bleedingichorhearts @nekotaetae@historitor-bookshelf

[prettyboypistol]

TF2 Mercs x M!Reader || Walking in On You Changing!

You're in your quarters, fresh out of the shower. As you laid your clothes out on your bed, the door opens. Fortunately, you still had a towel wrapped around your waist- but unbeknownst to you, the merc that walked in on you had been harboring feelings for you for quite some time!

Scout

Paralyzed in fear, brain lags HARD

"Oh hey! Miss Pailing said-" *internet start up noise*

Two seconds later, he puts his arm over his eyes with a shout. "Oh my god! Sorry!"

Slams the door shut, can't look you in the eye for about a week.

The door slammed open, which made your heart leap out of your chest.

"Hey! We need-" Scout shouted, but then his eyes found you. His throat made a funny noise as he tried to understand the situation.

You looked mortified as Scout kept staring.

"What... do you need?" You asked slowly, confused.

Scout's brain was simutaneously worked into overdrive and completely stopped. The way you blushed and hid your chest away from him, only to expose your back-

"Nevermind!"

Scout shut the door loudly, but the noise was drowned out by the sound of his heartbeat in his ears. God, this did not help his crush on you!

Soldier

Doesn't really mind that you're naked, to be honest.

Not too weird about you being undressed, but doesn't leave until he says what he needed to say??? Like bro my DICK IS OUT

Thinks about the situation later and sorta feels bad about walking in on you when you were clearly embarrassed.

Makes it up to you somehow after.

"Private! I need to know the location of the industrial-grade cleaner!" Soldier announced as he swung the door open. The hinges thankfully did not slam on themselves and break your door... again.

"Uh, janitors closet?" You responded as you hid yourself slightly from Soldier's gaze. You couldn't actually tell where Soldier was looking, but you didn't want to take any chances.

"I already looked there!"

"Well- okay, why do you need the cleaner?"

"Medic and Engineer made a chemical that eats metal!"

Your eyes snapped open wode as you quickly threw on your shirt and underwear. "Oh my god- yep! On my way!"

Pyro

Looks away from you out of respect, waves, and shuts the door with a friendly demeanor

They don't really see an issue, but they know you're massively uncomfortable so they are understanding about the situation.

Shuts the door and waits for you to open it again to talk

There was a knocking at your door, but before you could speak, Pyro had opened your door and interrupted you changing. You yelped as you adjusted the towel to hide more, clearly embarassed.

"hud- mmfay." Pyro nodded as they gestured to the door. The whole situation lasted less than a minute, but it felt like hours for you. As much as you and Pyro were close, you weren't 'oh yeah, i'm totally fine being exposed in front of you' close! You could only hope that the eyes that looked through the gas mask were either averted or closed.

"Thanks Pyro, I'll be out in just a minute."

Pyro put a hand over their goggles as a courtesy as they shut the door, unbeknownst to you though, their skin felt like fire. Your embarassment, your exposed skin- it made a feeling of bubbling lava churn in their gut.

Once you're fully dressed and open the door to Pyro, they are apologetic, but then tell you what they needed to say.

Demoman

Really casual about it

like, really casual about it

shuts the door and leaves, lets you get changed before he continues to talk to you

teases you through the door fr. total funny asshole friend energy

"Aye lad I gotta ask- oop." Demoman stumbled as he realized the situation he walked in on. When you squeaked and turned away in embarassment, a smile crept onto his face. "Aww, what's wrong? Embarassed about something? A bit too shortcomin' in some bits?"

"I'm busy! Just give me a minute!" You defended.

"Alright, alright!" Demoman teased as he showed his hands in mock-surrender. "I guess that answers my question?"

"Out!"

Demoman shut the door, but was not done yet.

"It cannae be that small, is it?"

"SHUT UP!" You shouted, your voice muffled through the door, only to be met with laughter.

Heavy

A bit shy about it since he has feelings for you, but still straightforward.

Respectful and kind, super embarassed about it. He shuts the door and waits for you to get dressed.

Heavy is so so awkward internally and prays to god that you don't notice that he can't think straight, let alone look you in the eyes.

"Supervisor, Heavy needs to ask you..." Heavy stopped speaking, his words trailed off as he realized that he caught you in a more intimate state. The mutual flushing of both you and Mikhail's cheeks only made the tension thicker as Heavy slowly shut the door. "Heavy will wait outside."

As he waited, the thoughts started running rampant. He didn't know the body type you had, since the baggy shirt and slacks hid your body well. Heavy loved the curves of your body, the gentle dips of your hips and how you perfectly fit into your skin. To Heavy, there was no more attractive man in the world.

Once you opened the door, Heavy cleared his throat and apologized.

"So uh- what did you need?"

"It is nothing."

Engineer

Oh god this man short circuits.

I headcanon that when Engie is startled, his mechanical hand jolts, causing flexing/spasms

Gentlemanly about it, but also wants to treat you like a man. He'd probably want to talk to you still, but he refused to look you in the eyes or look at you at all.

Engie knocked on your door, but the radio you had on drowned out the noise. It was obvious that you were in there, so he decided to open the door.

"Hey there, we've got a bit of a situation, Pyro up an- and uh..."

His face heated up, his body locked up, his hand twitched as the fingers flexed oddly.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't hear you knocking-"

"No worries!" Dell nodded as he turned his head away and covered his eyes with his hand. "It's just that Pyro up and started another fire in the rec room, the sprinklers ain't workin' and the extinguisher was used up last night."

"FUCK."

Medic

This man has seen you naked so many times that it doesn't really bother him to be honest. The operations on you when you were accidentally hit by a wayward rocket made him both immune to and severely weak to your body.

He thinks you are gorgeous, but his desire to seem like a trustable medic overpowered his outright affection for you.

Medic opened the door casually as he looked over his clipboard as he ignored your squeak of indignance.

"So I was looking through your medical file and I noticed that you are an organ donor, yes?"

You quickly tried to cover yourself, red faced and flustered at the brazen act of indifference. Despite this, your shyness was what made Medic find you so handsome.

"I am... why?"

"Could I have a few? Specifically your pancreas and lungs."

"Er- no?"

Medic shrugged. "What about if you flatline and are pronounced dead?"

"Medic, do not take my lungs."

"Fine, fine." He said, slightly disappointed as he left.

Sniper

Not too awkward, but also not very comfortable seeing you so exposed.

shuts the door with a quick apology, but doesn't avoid you. If you ask him what he needed afterwards, he'll apologize again for walking in on you, saying it was nothing important.

It definitely keeps him awake at night and it's the first thing he sees when you talk to him for the next few days.

The quiet knocking was barely enough to hear. It wasn't loud enough to hear over your muttering to yourself as you went over your schedule in your head. "Let's see... Filed the reports, washed the blood off the road, I haven't questioned those government employees yet- oh shit! Sniper! What the hell are you-?"

"Sorry! Sorry." Sniper mumbled as he shut the door. You had no idea how long he was there, let alone what he saw! It comforted you slightly that Sniper was a rather quiet one, since you knew nobody would be talking about you like this. You chuckled to yourself, since Sniper was rather brazen about his own nudity.

On the other hand, Sniper only caught a glance, but he was unable to make his hands work to shut the door again. God, he felt like a creep.

Spy

Casual as well, a lot like Medic in a way.

If you protest he is huffy and rolls his eyes. Seriously, you've seen him blown to bits as Medic rushed him to the lab. A little nudity never killed anyone.

Spy is a little flirty and teasing, if not a little demeaning as well. He still is more interested in getting his problem solved however.

"Jesus Christ! I'm busy!" You protest as Spy strolled into your room as if he owned the place. He inspected the decor with a glare of importance.

"You're clearly not." Spy shot back. "Now, I need the documents on my mission, thank you."

"Well, I clearly don't have them! Get out!"

Spy sighed. "Really now, being naked shouldn't be an issue. I'm a spy, I've seen more people more exposed than you. You're a worker for Mann Co. I know that you can kill a man easier than you make coffee."

"This- this is different!"

"How so? Is it because you don't have a weapon?" Spy teased as he unlocked the safe in your room that held the documents he needed. "Is it because you're the one exposed?"

"Hurry up and get out." You huffed.

[icycoldninja]

I'm having a bad day and I found your blog.... I Need some fluff, could I ask for headcannons of Dante, Vergil and Nero with a fem reader who hates the gap between her teeth, please?

I'm so sorry to hear that; I hope this cheers you up. Enjoy. 💜

Sparda Boys x Fem!Reader with Teeth insecurities headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-So you're insecure about your teeth, so what? He doesn't mind, given his teeth aren't perfect either.

-Thinks the gap is actually quite attractive, and prefers it over the current teeth beauty standards.

-Calls you "bright smile" to take the insecurity off your teeth, and gets incredibly defensive of anyone who dares to mock you for it.

-Seriously, anyone who has the balls to make fun of your teeth will "accidentally" find themselves on the wrong end of Devil Sword Dante. Just saying.

-"Hey, don't listen to them. You're beautiful--everything 'bout you is beautiful, including those cute teeth of yours."

■ Vergil ■

Spent 15 full minutes looking for a picture of Vergil smiling that wasn't cursed or part of a meme lol

-Honestly doesn't care how your teeth look, you're awesome in his eyes either way.

-Never allows you or anyone else to compare you to other people with "perfectly aligned teeth", cutting them off by either staring at them unblinkingly or by taking you by the arm and leaving.

-Will Judegment Cut End whatever sop that dares make fun of his precious' appearance in his presence.

-He's a terrible comedian and has no idea how to properly tell a funny joke (the few he knows are dad jokes) but will learn and do his best just so he can see you smile.

-Will MOTIVATE you to be confident in your body. Though his words might sound harsh to the average onlooker, know that they are filled with love and meant to be inspirational and uplifting.

-"Do not waste your time dwindling on your imperfections. Just accept them and move on--there is nothing you can do to change them, so simply be proud of them. Show me you can be confident in yourself."

○ Nero ○

-Didn't even notice the gap in your teeth till you asked him about them, and soon after the question was posed, he forgot about it.

-Genuinely cannot see any flaws in your appearance; you literally always look good to him, it's like he has a filter on his eyes or something.

-Once his dumb ass figures out you're insecure, he tells you not to worry, and that you're perfect the way you are.

-Just like his dad, this sweet boy is massively overprotective of you and will straight up bitch slap anyone who tries to bully you.

-"Come on, chin up! Those assholes know nothin', so don't take their shit to heart. You're gorgeous. Always will be."

[beautifulfuckup99]

Can I request a Drabble of yoongi fucking you in the middle of like a college party? Like blatantly in front of a circle people just casually screwing you? It’s been on my mind for a while but I can’t think of the scenario fully for it TT

I understand the frustration, lol. I'll take it from here...

Title: Keep me calm...

Warning(s): Public S!x (Obviously lol), D!rty Talk, Voyeur!sm, Curs!ng, Dom!Yoongi, Sub!Y/N, R!ding, Orga$m Den!al, Creamp!e, Possessive/Aggressive S!x, and I will give you some fluff to top it all off lol

Author's Note: "Non-Idol!AU". I really hope you enjoy it, babe!

********************************

"Y/N." The call of your name cuts through the thick tension between you and the guy who was now pressed against you while you gripped the drinks in your hands. You turn your head and spot your best friend sat on the couch, looking impatient.

"Uh... Excuse me." You smile sheepishly and rush off towards the couch. "Sorry. I'm back." You sigh and hand him his drink. He frowns and shifts a bit in his seat.

"This party's shit." He says bluntly and you roll your eyes.

"Yoongi. This is our chance to make ourselves known! This is COLLEGE! The time to be social and get out there. We need to make friends." You say. "More friends, Yoongi. We need to make MORE friends." You clarify the second Yoongi opens his mouth. He closes it with a slight glare and huff.

"Just sit back and lets get tipsy enough to enjoy ourselves!" You declare with a bright smile as if trying to save tonight. You two clink glasses and down the alcohol in them. It helps fuzz your brain long enough to get up and try pulling Yoongi up to dance, but he refuses, acting as dead weight.

You giggle and back away from the couch, swaying your hips when you feel it. A sharp slap to your ass cheek, so hard that it makes you jump. And Yoongi notices. That's what scares you more.

Yoongi might've been five-foot nine, but that man fought like he was seven feet tall. He was always quick to anger, and the last thing you wanted was for him to get up at this party and knock some random frat boy's teeth in. You rush over to him fast and place your hands on his chest as he tries to stand up, making him grab your waist. He looks over your shoulder at the guy.

"You think that's fucking funny? Hm?" He snaps at the guy who laughs while holding up his hands.

"It's a nice-looking ass, man." The asshole defends and you have to get in Yoongi's way again as you try to distract him fast.

"Yoongi! Breathe. He's not worth it!" You say as you rub his chest while he continues trying to move away from you, eyes trained on the guy in front of him who's still laughing and telling him to 'chill'.

"Y/N, move!" Yoongi orders.

"No! Come on, Yoongi, sit down!" You practically beg as you grab at his face to make him look at you. "Don't make me act like one of those cringy main character girls who say 'look at me', and 'this isn't you'..." You fuss and Yoongi finally looks at you.

"Let's go then." He orders and you frown.

"Yoongi, come on. The night is still young-" He cuts you off.

"Fine. You wanna stay? And you want me to calm down? Make me." He orders and you open your mouth in confusion before he sits on the couch and yanks you to his lap. You're stunned by the actions of your friend.

He holds your back to his chest and his face goes to your neck to begin kissing and licking along your skin. Your eyes widen at the actions, and you pant softly while trying to keep your mind from going blank. "Wha-What-" You're cut off once more by Yoongi pulling your hips, so you're sat directly on his crutch.

"Either we leave... Or I knock that asshole's teeth in." He growls in your ear as you shiver.

"N-No." You pant.

"Then distract me." He orders lowly as he grips your thighs that were barely covered by your short dress. His rough hands glide along your soft skin as your face goes red. His slender fingers wiggle between your clenched thighs and he pries your legs apart.

"H-Here?" You gasp instantly as realization dawns on you. You're on a couch, in a dimly lit frat house party, with tons of people around. Yeah, there was loud music and people were high and/or drunk and probably wouldn't realize Yoongi's hand was now between your legs-oh! Oh, his hand was right between your legs...

You moan as your head rolls back on to his shoulder while he rubs his palm into your already moist crutch, your clit throbbing against the attention. You can't stop yourself from pushing harder against his hand as he laughs lowly in your ear.

"You were saying?" He taunts in your ear as you squeak in response. You look around the room and spot some random dude leaned against the wall, eyeing you. You blush as you try closing your legs only to be met with I sharp swat to your inner thigh. "Keep them fucking open. Let him see." Yoongi whispers and you pant more, eyes rolling shut at the idea of this random guy watching you grind on your best guy friend's hand.

Yoongi's other hand pulls the top of your dress down a bit more and gropes your breast to tease your nipple while his other hand disappears into your underwear.

"Keep looking at him. Let him know who you belong to." Yoongi pants, you can feel him getting harder beneth your ass. Grinding against his hand meant rubbing against his bulge. Made you feel trapped. Ya know, between a rock and a hard place?

Before you can even mentally laugh at the dumb joke, you're pulled from your own head by a rough tug to your nipple, making you moan louder. Thank god for the loud music. "Look. At. Him..." Yoongi orders and you whine softly but do just that, being used by Yoongi as this stranger licks his lips and nudges his buddy to also watch you get finger fucked.

You ride Yoongi's three fingers, just leaking the more new eyes fell onto you. A few people blush and avert their eyes while others leave the area, but a few people... They stay. Not daring to stop the free show.

"Oh! Oh! Oh my god..." You moan, getting close already.

"You're gonna cum?" Yoongi whispers in your ear and you nod fast as you grind down faster.

"Yes! Please! Almost..." You practically cry out, only to be halted right at the edge. "Wha... What are you doing?!" You complain as you reach down to try and get yourself relief.

"Did I say you could cum?" Yoongi whispers as he stops you roughly, pinning your hands behind you. A few guys snicker at the sight of you whining over being denied.

"N-No..." You say as you pout while only looking at Yoongi.

"Then you can't fucking cum." He says like you're dumb as he grabs your face roughly. "I own this body tonight. It listens to me." He whispers before he leans back on the couch.

"Get my cock out. Feels fucking painful against my jeans." He huffs and you make quick work of undoing the button on his pants as those guys continue watching from across the room, but no one says anything, not wanting to break the tension clearly between you and Yoongi.

You pull his throbbing member out and Yoongi makes you look up at him. "Sit on it." He orders and you can't stop the moan that comes from your lips. You nod fast and get up only to be forced down on his lap by his strong arms. He sits you right on his cock with a low growl and you don't know what's better. The way Yoongi grips your waist as he makes you ride him, or the hunger in those strangers' eyes as they watch on like you're their favorite show.

"Got all eyes on you now, Y/N..." Yoongi taunts in your ear as you clench around his cock at that fact. "You like that?" He whispers and you moan his name as a response, the only response your brain can come up with, that is.

"You know what I like?" He pants. "That everyone on campus... Is gonna know... That you're mine after this." He growls in your ear as you can't help but fall back against his chest and grind your hips down on his cock.

"I'm gonna ruin you for anyone else." He whispers in your ear, and it makes you shiver. He pushes you forward, and you fall on to the coffee table, so you're bent over it now.

"Ruin me..." You gasp out as he grabs your hips hard. You watch as those guys across the room are starting to palm at their dicks while some others just take their cocks out, the pain of their stiff cocks pressing against their pants being too much to bear.

Yoongi slams you back against his cock and you press your forehead against the cold coffee table to hide your face till you feel his hand tangle in your hair. "Look at them. Poor fucks. Jerking it to what they can't have. Isn't that sad?" Yoongi mutters in your ear and you blush hard. "Show them how you take my cock." He says as he smacks your ass. You can't help but give him what he wants, moaning his name loudly.

His other hand travels between your legs, rubbing your clit as your eyes roll. You can barely hear the music anymore. You're so far gone thanks to the cock plowing you fast and hard. It only brings you closer to the edge. "You're so fucking tight..." Yoongi growls and you shiver.

"I-I have to cum!" You cry out, not wanting to be denied again. Yoongi makes you look at him.

"Ask me if you can cum..." He smirks and you nod fast.

"Yes! Yes... C-Can I cum, Yoongi?" You gasp out.

"Master..." He taunts against your quivering lips, and you blush hard at the request.

"Can I c-cum? Mm... M-Master? Please! C-Can I please cum, Master?!" You cry out as he hits your spot relentlessly.

"Cum! Cum, Y/N. My good fuck-toy..." He praises as he turns your head so you're only looking at him. You knew why. He wanted to be the only one to see you cum. That thought alone, sends you over the edge.

You cum hard around his cock and he pumps faster in and out of you as he holds you in place. "You're mine." He grunts. "I'm gonna make sure you're mine." He pants and you open your mouth only to be met with the answer to your unspoken question when you feel the first few spurts of cum seep into you. It makes you moan more.

You're both a panting mess, and you're blinking to try and get your eyesight back to normal when Yoongi kisses your ear. "Can we leave now?" He pants softly in your ear, and you blush sheepishly at that, mind floating on cloud nine right now. You nod, unable to find your voice. He smirks and covers you up before fixing himself and then scooping you up.

[xxchthonicreaturexx]

I've got another request but I just love your writing sm. How do you think the boys (Curtis gang + Shepards) would act during and after an argument (like would they be cold to their s/o, would they be clingy, how long does it take to make up etc). I'm honestly such a sucker for angst like it's not even funny💀. Sorry, this is kinda a long one.

-🤍🤍

You're adorable :) <3 thank you for being patient.

Tim Shepard

Tim doesn't yell unless absolutely necessary. If you're the type to raise your voice and not listen to a thing he's saying, he'll probably yell a few times, but he easily will out yell you. It's quick and it's scary. He has that scary parent voice like Darry-

He's usually a quiet type of angry with a partner. A snide, backhanded comment here and there followed by the silent treatment until you're begging like a puppy for forgiveness. Or if he realizes he's being too harsh and he gives in first but usually it's the latter.

Fights can last up to a week depending on what it was. Usually it's only a few days before it's resolved, but if you're the stubborn type then sadly he can also hold a grudge. He'll never let it go past a week though. After y'all have time to cool off he decides it's time for y'all to act like grownups and talk it out calmly. Nothing really changes after the fight though. He's still Tim. He's still an asshole. 🤷

Curly Shepard

Motherfucking Curly Shepard can kiss my ass. I love Curly with a passion...BUT he can get slightly petty. When's he's upset with you, you'll know. Trust me. He's a fighter, and can be violent, but with his partner he'll channel his pissed offery in other... More annoying ways.

Oh, you need your morning coffee? Sorry babe, he just drank the last of it and the fucker doesn't even like coffee. 🤷

Oh, you're missing your work shirt? He "accidentally" spilled water on it so you can either go to work without your uniform or wear it wet.

Oh, you wanna makeout and watch a movie? Sorry, he's already getting ready to go hang out with friends even though you guys specifically planned to hang out that day.

He's a little shit but eventually it'll get so ridiculous you can't help but laugh and that's kinda how you guys makeup? 🤷

Darry Curtis

I mean- how the hell do you think that'd play out? He's a yeller. He pulls a loud disappointment card and talks with his hands a lot. If he's too mad he'll yell from a different room because he's scared he'll push you or something like what he does Pony. He really doesn't want to hurt or scare you, so he puts distance in between y'all.

And I swear, if you FOLLOW him while he's trying to put space in-between you, you just might get pinned into a corner. Not that Darry would ever lay his hands on you but the second he sees your scared expression, he's a mess. The yellings out the window and he almost looks like a kicked puppy.

I'd like to say that fights actually happen frequent with Darry but they're usually over things like your or the boys' safety and stuff like that. Doesn't matter if you're his kid brother, one of the other Greasers, or his spouse, he's overprotective. If he likes you even a tiny bit he's protective as hell. However, Darry is usually the type to apologize with a lame offer of a date or alone time within 24 hours.

Sodapop Curtis

Another silent type. This little shit will be kinda immature when it comes to the silent treatment. "Oh, Steve? Did you hear someone saying something to me? I could've sworn an annoying little voice was talking to me."

Yeah he pulls that shit. Kick him him in the shins and run away and he'll chase you. Honestly might end up with y'all play fighting despite him trying to be mad. He just can't keep it for long 🤷 unless it's serious that is.

If it's serious, I could see him raising his voice for a second, but never super loud. He'll do it to get his point across and then he'll want space. He might secretly cry if it's something bad, but Pony's got him, don't worry. Nothing a late night talk won't fix. Soda will probably phone you within a day or two and ask if you guys can take a walk and CALMLY talk things out.

Ponyboy Curtis

He's such a freaking whiner bro :/ y'all probably fight all the time with how whiney he is about shit. I like Pony, don't get me wrong, but Pony can be kinda sensitive. Don't even lie.

He's a sarcastic little shit that will make comments and pout whenever he's upset with you. Visibly less playful and acts around you how he does Darry most times. Sometimes if you guys start to actually argue though, he'll actually run away. He'S a TrAcK sTaR-

Trust me, just give him an hour or two. If he's out longer than that, check the lot. 🤷 Probably got lost writing a little sob story or reading a book. Also the type to write you apology letters though in a form of a poem. The poems are sweet I guess but kinda cringey when he's all awkward about it lmfao.

Johnny Cade

Probably guessed it but he hates fighting. He'll avoid it the best he can but it's unavoidable sometimes. You yell and he'll shut down. Come back and talk to him when you've cooled off. He refuses to be yelled at, reminds him too much of home, but he also refuses to yell at you.

I could also see Johnny giving you semi-playful pinches. You guys are talking about something and you're getting worked up and you're starting to raise your volume? Pinch. You're ignoring him because you're pissed off? Pinch. You guys made up and he's feeling a little cheeky when you guys hug it out? Pinch.

Fights never last long. He doesn't let you guys go to bed angry like his parents. He'll give you time to cool off, of course, but not angry.

"I know we're fighting right now, but I just want to remind you that I still love you, ya dig?"

Dallas Winston

Honestly, despite him being an asshole that deserves a majority of the fights thrown at him, he's a strong believer in not going to bed angry when he really likes someone.

"Oh come on, don't be like that!"

Cue the dramatic eye roll as you slam the door. A few cigarettes later and you guys are sitting side by side on the porch of Buck's place. Or yours, depends where y'all are.

It's quiet, he's just taking drags off his cigarette and suddenly his jacket is around your shoulders.

"I like ya, doll. We can talk about it in the morning if you want to cool off, but come to bed and we'll cuddle or something, capiche?" Usually you have to initiate cuddles, so the fact he's even mentioning it first is a total win for you. You're weird if you don't take the offer.

I could also see him allowing you to hit him if you're angry too. He's low-key a masochist so 🤷🤷🤷

Steve Randle

He's kinda dumb, fights are probably started because he did something dumb and didn't realize. Or he said something kinda insensitive without thinking. He won't even know that you're mad unless you tell him and then he kinda gets defensive? "Don't be so sensitive."

Go on, you can hit him, I don't mind. He'll probably glare at you, use that stupid mocking voice under his breath. Kinda childish? I also see him as the type that would avoid his partner once they get into a fight. Kinda scared of them and doesn't want to have to deal with the negative emotions, you know? He might run away a few times but he'll eventually come back. Threaten him. It works. Tell him if he doesn't call you back within 24 hours you're done and he'll be on the phone within 5 minutes.

He really does care, he's just not the best with lover quarrels. Probably one of the worst here because if you don't say anything this dude can go up to like two whole ass weeks avoiding you. It gets a little ridiculous. Once y'all make up though he's definitely more careful with his words for a while. Compliments you a lot more.

Twobit Matthews

Honestly? He laughs it off. You do most of the yelling. He'll make sarcastic little comebacks. Definitely the type to make petty comments whether it be bringing up your faults when you're ripping on him or trying to gaslight you into believing you're overreacting. He just doesn't want to deal with it. Let him have fun, you know? He just doesn't get that he can't be that way 24/7, especially now that he's in a stable relationship.

Fights don't usually last long. Few days tops as he's not one to hold a grudge. He might even forget you guys are fighting lmfao on the occasion that he didn't forget and he just misses you, he'll probably just say a quick sorry and go back to pretending it never happened.

Definitely the type to half-ass apologize even though he doesn't think it's his fault. He's just kinda a people pleaser? If his sweetheart is mad at him and he's cooled off, he's like a kicked puppy.

[idyat]

Overprotective Sanford x reader

They'll never hurt you again

Requested on Wattpad

Summary: The AAHW has captured you. That will not stand with your lover.

WARNINGS: Violent threats, torture, murder, lots of gore in general

--------------------------------------------------

...What time was it? You couldn't know inside your empty, dark, sealed of from the world room. Your ennemies had got you, the chances of you dying in terrible agony were at an all time high. Lucky for you though, they wanted to try and get some information out of you first.

"So, are you gonna talk?" The ATP soldat in front of you asked. But there was no way you were saying anything. Ever.

"Oooh playing tough huh? If you love staying quiet so much maybe you'd like to have your throat ripped out?" They threatened, pointing a knife towards said throat.

You couldn't do anything to fight either. Your arms, your legs, even your torso were strapped to a very uncomfortable chair. Judging by the look, it was electric too.

While you were dwelling on your thoughts, the soldat got a call through their earbud.

"Huh? Yeah don't worry I'm not actually killing them. Might cut the bitches tongue though. You guys do your jobs and make sure absolutely no one's breaking in okay? Okay."

They were probably serious about the tongue thing. Your body was already covered in cuts, burns and bruises.

But you knew your condition wouldn't last long. You knew he would just need to know about what was going on to bring hell upon these assholes and their base. Which is why, even through the pain you managed to smile.

"Oh? You're smiling now?" Your captor had focused back on you.

"What's making you so happy huh? Is there something funny going on on the wall?" They were baby-talking you and turned around to this time look at the wall in front of you with stupid movements. Idiot, they're only embarrassing themselves even more.

You suddenly got punched in the face real hard.

"Are you enjoying this, huh?! You like being hurt or do you like being annoying, you stupid brat?!" They continued to hit you as they yelled.

"Maybe you'll enjoy the stretchers even more then, you useless fu-"

The building's alarm suddenly went off. Filling every room with a flickering red light and ear-splitting ring.

"What the-" The soldat got once again interrupted, this time by the sound and sight of explosions, screams, and guts flying out not far from your own placement.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck!" You smiled even more at their panic.

Both of you knew that motherfucker was already dead.

One last explosion of your interrogation rooms door, and their body was already getting hooked from across the room, right before it was their heads turn to get crushed onto the ground. And when I say crushed I mean crushed. Brain and eye flying out and everything.

It would almost gross you out if you weren't concentrated on the hunk responsible for the carnage. Well, "hunk". At the moment all he was was terrifying. Blood and shadows covering his face with only the light of his sunglasses perceivable as he wiped out everyone in his way with horrid shrieks of agony.

He looked up before bolting towards you. Your heart almost stopped until you felt your face being grabbed and restraints being torn as if they were mere paper.

"Oh god, Honey are you alright?! Holy shit, what did they do to you..."

You could almost see the darkness fading away as he worringly yelled if you were okay.

"I'm definitely better now that you're here." You smiled, still panting from the pain and recent beating.

He finally destroyed all the straps connecting you to the chair before grabbing you and tightly, yet gently, hugging you.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I took so long just look at what they did to my sweetheart..." Sanford's voice was trembling as he scanned over your wounds to make sure none needed urgent attention. It was quite funny honestly, to see such a murderous and sadistic man turn so nurturing within a few seconds, all for his lover. It's a very strong contrast for one person.

"Hey, Love, it's okay! You saved me in the end, isn't it all that matters?"

"Yes...But-"

You gave him a kiss. "No buts Honey. It's all over now. Let's just go home."

He nodded before picking you up bridal style. No way he was going to let the love of his life walk with legs injured like that. He also took the time to get to the entrance (or to blow up a hole in the nearest wall) to comfort you and made sure you were ok physically and mentally. You were the one who just got kidnapped and tortured, there's no way he's the only one getting reassured!

You two eventually made it outside. To which your boyfriend suddenly stopped.

"...Uuh...I got here all by myself...Could you call Deimos to come pick us up?"

[slasher-male-wife]

What slashers do on their s/o's birthday

So today is my birthday. I'm officially 17 and I wanted to celebrate with a fic for myself and any other April babies. I hope y'all enjoy this.

Includes: Carrie White, Michael Myers, Leslie Vernon, Candyman, Norman Bates and Jesse Cromeans

Warnings: Implied stalking in Leslie's part

Carrie White

She's going to bake you whatever cake you want her to make. She's going to go all out for you on your birthday. Like she's putting effort into making this for you.

A gift from her is going to be a special birthday outfit that she made. She had you pick out the pattern and the fabric beforehand and gives it to you to wear on your birthday.

Also probably makes you a card. That or she writes a very heart felt note in a card she bought in her cursive hand writing.

She's also cooking you your favorite dinner. Whatever it is you want she'll make it for you. She's never had a special birthday that she got to celebrate so she wants to make it special for you.

I also feel like she'd be more open to physical affection on your birthday. She's a more reserved person so her holding you hand or giving you a kiss on the cheek is a big deal to her, but she's doing it because you mean so much to her.

Michael Myers

Might not remember that it's your birthday. He's a kind of busy guy who's already doing a lot by not killing you and being your boyfriend so he doesn't think it's a big deal if he forgets.

He in general doesn't understand why people celebrate birthdays. He thinks it's a little dumb but he's not going to say that, or really anything, to you.

When you remind him, he goes out and steals a gift for you. Something he's heard you mention before. Most likely from someones house. But if he's feeling like it he might steal it from a store.

If you're really close to him he'll put a tag with his name on it. It's going to be horrible hand writing that you could barely read but him writing "from Michael" is something really special.

If you have a cake on your birthday he'll happily eat some with you. Depending on how close you are, he might lift up his mask and eat it in the same room as you but it really depends on how long he's known you.

Leslie Vernon

He's been planning this since he first laid his eyes on you. At first you were going to be a victim but he ended up catching feelings for you and now you're dating. But that hasn't stopped him from learning everything about you.

He's going to be a bit of an asshole and act like he doesn't know that it's your birthday. He's going to act like it's a normal day and ask you to go out and get something so he can set up a surprise for you.

That surprise being something that you've wanted for a very long time. Whatever it is he finds a way to get it for you and sets it up while you're out of the house.

Also buys you a cake. He tried to make one himself but he was so bad at it that he had to throw it away and clean up half the kitchen.

He also does try to scare you a little bit. He just likes scaring people and you're one of them. He's sorry about it afterwards if you didn't like it but he thought it would be funny.

Candy man

He doesn't know his birthday, even if he did when he was alive he'd probably forget it by now. But he always remembers your birthday, for as long as you're with him he'll remember it.

I feel like he didn't know how to write when he was alive but in the afterlife he learned how to, meaning he's going to write you a lengthy love poem. He's going to be detailing everything he loves about you in this poem and more.

He's also getting you flowers, partly because of his bees, partly because he's a classic romantic. He's not getting you just any flowers either. He's stealing you your favorite flowers.

He's also taking you out on a date. A non-traditional one because, well he's an undead man who has supernatural powers. But it's still nice. Probably a walk around at night somewhere romantic.

I feel like he doesn't eat food because he doesn't need to but if you have cake for your birthday he's happy to sit with you and enjoy it together.

Norman Bates

He has your birthday marked on his calendar the moment he realizes that he loves you. He double checks before writing it down on his calendar and having a countdown.

He's going to make you breakfast in bed. Whatever your favorite breakfast foods are he's going to make them for you and serve you in bed, but he's going to stress not to get crumbs on the bed.

Like Leslie he's getting you a special gift that you've been talking a lot about. Anything that you really want he's going to get for you one way or another.

He's probably going to buy you a cake. He might make one and if he does it turns out pretty good because it was his mothers recipe. But he might get too anxious to actually do that so he's going to most likely buy a cake for you.

Like Carrie he's going to be more physically affectionate too. He'll be pretty nervous the first time he holds your hand for an extended period of time but he ends up craving more physical affection.

Jesse Cromeans

He's going to spoil you the entire day, no matter if you want him to or not. This man has money to burn he's not going to let you act like you don't deserve to be treated.

He either buys you gifts you've wanted or just gives you a ton of money to go shopping with him. He'll probably find some subtle way to ask you before your birthday and plan according to that.

He also takes you out to whatever fancy restaurant you want to go to. He's a rich and powerful man so he can get his assistant to get you two a table at whatever restaurant you want to go to.

If you want a cake for your birthday he gets the best bakery nearby to make you one according to your exact desires. He writes down exactly what you want and has his assistant help with getting it done.

You know how people put cash in cards for your birthday? Jesse stuffs way too much cash in your card. As if all of what he's doing today isn't enough, you're getting at least 3,000 dollars in your birthday card.

[whatbigotspost]

On being real mean and then less mean

Long post incoming........I've been chipping away at writing this for like a month now and (unlike my usual self) I've stalled out a few times unsure of what all I want to say. But I think I've got it squared up the way I would like to. Unfortunately, I need a long context laying preamble. Sorry this will feel like an online recipe experience 😅

As the 5 of you who usually read my blocks of text will know well, I grew up in a very toxic, abusive, high-control environment. If you wanted to intentionally produce kids who would have anxiety, shame, self-loathing, aggression, be overly-competitive, angry, and equipped with little-to-no social skills, you should be parented like I was. In my nuclear family, we couldn't have had worse life lessons or role modeling when it comes to building healthy relationships, strong friendships, and harmonious existence with others. Violence was often normalized. Manipulation was encouraged. Specific conditions and rules were put on receiving love and/or affection. We weren't seen as independent humans who had their own lives and thoughts and ambitions--we were seen as extensions of my father, brought into the world to be his unquestioning cheerleaders and adoring team, to do our best to become his clones, to live out his unrealized dreams, and to combat his grievances w/ the world.

In short, it sucked.

Above all, I was taught in a very deep and real way to hate myself, not that this was explicitly acknowledged mind you, but it was the implication of everything. This self loathing was an extension of my father's own insecurities and full inability to grow the fuck up and build a life for himself that was emotionally mature, resilience, and self-caring. This mentality, if truly internalized, creates ugliness from the inside that radiates outward. I can see that so clearly now, but back then, I didn't understand it at all.

I was implicitly taught a thought process like, "the best way to 'own' someone is to shit talk them into crying" or "you can make yourself look stronger and distract from your own shortcomings by staying 1 step ahead of everyone through making THEM feel like shit about their shortcomings."

But you weren't just mean to someone to stay ahead of them, you were also mean as a way to ingratiate others to you. "Telling it like it is" even if what you said was unnecessarily cruel, was a virtue. Like, "what? I'm just saying what we're all thinking!" kind of stuff. I was taught that "teasing" is a way you show someone you love them, where "teasing" means saying all kinds of awful things that are quite hurtful. I was taught that being funny was one of the most important qualities and it didn't matter if those laughs came at the expense of others' feelings and if, over time, your comments began to destroy those around you.

It's "just teasing." It's "just joking." It was a lot of "oh come, on grow a thicker skin" over "maybe saying cruel shit for fun is bad?" It was "God, I can dish it and I can take it, why can't you?" over "maybe I want friends who support one another instead of digging at our insecurities."

Some recent nostalgia I've been wallowing in this summer reminded me of my grossest self who lived by these rules.

Those worst moments, where I was a bully and an asshole, all occurred for me at school, when I was probably around 11/12 and older. School was a very interesting place for me. When I try to paint an efficient picture of what my childhood home was like for others, I often say, my family existed in a weird liminal someplace between mainstream, mid western white suburban society and a survivalist/separatist/cult/fringe culture (like Tara Westover describes in Educated or as seen in Captain Fantastic if you're familiar w/ either of those.) We were a cult of 4 and there were many things We Did Not Do, all my dad's rules. (My grandparent's house was a safe harbor unlike my home, but that's a tangent for another time.) That said, accessing education was something my father DID trust the local government to do (as long as he could emphasize over and over how we can't trust everything they say, we could trust their lessons of math, music, English, etc.) He strategically chose a place to live where I could get the best "free" education possible in Central Indiana. My social life existed fully in a traditional school setting, where it took me all of 2 seconds to clock that other kids' lives weren't like mine, and that was compelling to me. I became a lifelong student of interpersonal relationship dynamics far before I realized I had become a lifelong student of relationships. I remember when I was in elementary school journaling about and thinking about and talking about all the friend groups and dynamics, etc. Writing stories about friend groups. Creating Barbie universes and dramas with 2 neighborhood friends. Trying to spend more and more time w/ peers instead of family.

Beyond that, I loved school because I would receive praise and love at home for A's and praise and love from my teachers for being "so good" (aka offering 100% deference to adult authority as I been told to do, even if I could question them inside.) This all means when I was very young, I did SO WELL at figuring out school...how to make friends...how to get an A+...how to get teachers to love me...how to be The Good Kid...how to reduce my value to my grades and what I produced, which is a mentality I've still only begun to unweave from within me, some 30 years later.

Anyway, point is, despite the hand I was dealt, I somehow never had trouble making friends and with a lot of my closest friends, I wasn't all that mean to in the way I describe above, at least initially. But when I did apply that behavior, god damn was it ugly. I get that now, but back then, I felt cool as fuck.

The more it (temporarily worked for me) the more I used meanness. By the time I was like 17, I literally was known as mean and wore it as a badge of honor. Lacking emotional intelligence and an overtly loving home environment, I thought it was normal? cool? idk...to "not be able to handle mushy emotional stuff." I would (LITERALLY) run if friends were telling me they loved me. It became more and more common for me to apply, "witty mean girl" quips to even my closest friends. Stuff was said about me like, "oh, if she makes fun of you, it means she really loves you." I was always saying shit to gain laughs from others that really hurt some people and I would act like that was a THEM thing like "god, they're so sensitive, poor widdle baby."

NOT GOOD. Nothing to be proud of. Signs of someone who deep down hates themselves and hopes you don't notice because of a big, bad exterior. In this era, I was someone who attracted and accepted other toxic people and was abusive toward and accepted abuse from friends who had these same issues. How I met and fell in love w/ my partner who is not at all like this during that period of time back when sometimes confounds me. His boundaries and feelings are why I started really looking inward. His patience and willingness to understand what was going on for me was immense (as I was similarly patient for things related to his baggage.) FOR YEARS we had a dynamic where I'd "make fun of" "tease" "just joke" about him too harshly in front of others and he would ask me over and over to stop. I'd get better for a while, then I'd backslide and make him feel like shit in a group setting again--but hey! everyone laughed at my ~*~*just oh so hilarious comment*~*~ and so that makes it fine right?? Obviously, not, and the older I got the more I started to FINALLY see "mean" as mean and not "telling it like it is" or being a core part of my humor.

How I REALLY know that this toxic coping mechanism I used to my benefit was a thinly veiled defense mechanism style behavior to cloud my deep deep deep self loathing is because when I'd be talking w/ my partner about his very reasonable and normal request that I not say unnecessarily cruel things about him for fun in front of others, I would be afraid of things like, "But that's part of who I am? It's my humor."

I really thought so lowly of myself that I believed that if I wasn't witty-mean, people wouldn't love me. That I wouldn't still be funny. That I wouldn't be ME unless I was being MEAN. It was so backwards and upside down because my meanness did make me harder to be around, and people were right there loving me anyway, not because of it, but despite it.

It's so sad to realize this! Looking back and describing this girl now feels in both parts foreign to me and also like looking in a mirror. I've been in 20 years of some form or another of "recovery" from this kind of childhood now, and I'm about 15 years into true healing and re-parenting myself. Almost 14 years ago, I made the biggest shift toward killing this old mentality...I moved away from my home town and the people I spent my days around to that point. I had an opportunity for a hard reset in my social life and behaviors, leaving behind old reputations that didn't serve me. And I’m still me. I’m spicy and I’m real and I’m blunt and I’m funny but I’m not cruel or mean anymore. The old me sometimes still rears her ugly head, especially when I'm tired, stress, or dysregulated. But it's less "how I am" now than ever in my life.

As I've been thinking about this whole topic for quite a few weeks now, and I tried to articulate what I did that really changed me and allowed me to shed that mean girl shell of armor I was wearing that I had so thoroughly needed to outgrow. If these things resonate with you, I do have some pieces of advice.

Speak from your personal values 100% of the time. That means defining your personal values first, not just accepting what you think is valuable you've been told by others. Once I grew the maturity to understand I needed my own life values, it was very simple to grasp that I was not in line with them. My top 5 personal life values are: love, equity, humor, loyalty, and open communication. Mean jokes don't check many of those boxes.

Become your own best friend first. My behaviors were driven by self-hatred I did not choose. When I choose how I want to feel about myself, I choose self-compassion, and I actively cultivate this mentality and practice all. the. time so that I don't backslide.

Stop "telling it like it is." This is not helpful. No one needs something obvious and cruel pointed out. This is basic "THINK" acronym stuff. It's a classic because it works. Is what you're about to say.... "true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, kind." Telling it like it is is only TRUE, it's rarely -HINK.

Never "just joke" about something someone could possibly be vulnerable about. If someone has a physical wound, you don't jab your finger into it for fun. When someone has an emotional tenderness, you similarly don't jab a mean comment into it. When in doubt, just don't joke about it.

Have actual hard conversations and "call outs" in the right times/spaces. Sometimes behavior that one friend may call "mean" is actually a very necessary hard conversation to the other person. So it's helpful to just remember that those kind of real-deal communications are rarely done effectively or productively with an audience or by using humor. Real shit deserves a real shit tone.

Push yourself to say the nicest stuff and just be fucking sincere and genuine. Tell your friends you love them. Tell your friends when you are obsessed with what they are achieving/doing/saying. Tell your friends WHAT you love about them. Make an effort for your most important relationships to have far, far more "positive bids" than negative.

Use "teasing" or "self deprecating" humor selectively and strategically. Sometimes, my partner and I DO tease each other by having open communication and actually knowing one another's boundaries, I now understand what's fine and what's not. So I can proceed w/o hurting him. But I don't know most people to that level, so I'm not going to try to tease someone else in front of others w/o that knowledge anymore. Self deprecating humor has also been a go-to for me in the past and one of the people I could be meanest to was myself. I realized I should use it sparingly with people who I don't know well, too, because I don't necessarily need to give them a cheat sheet to what my baggage is. And lastly, in general, I think that we should ALL be very very careful to spare strangers our sarcasm, deadpan comments, or whatever. Many folks are neurodiverse or otherwise don't get your sarcasm and your implications can be lost in translation. You never know what topics, with strangers, might be a hornet's nest you stumble into.

PFEW! Ok, I think that's plenty for now! If you've got similar tips or thoughts, LMK! Of course, I still fuck up my practice of not being mean all the time, but the best thing about having done this work and shared it with those around me is that my friends are much more like to say something like, "OW! Was that your dad talking for a sec?" and help me than to just go on assuming I'm an asshole. 😆

[notmorbid]

miss subways.

dialogue prompts from miss subways: a novel by david duchovny.

every day here is like a new stanford experiment.

my inner judge never has rehabilitation in mind.

if i'm not busy learning or being born, i'm busy dying.

you want me here, but then you want to ignore me.

one step forward, one half-step back.

i like the phrase 'making love'.

fuck you, asshole.

to the victors go the nomenclature.

gods are immortal, so they're patient.

not even i can stomach scientology.

what is the sound of one hand clapping?

i don't want to be famous. i don't have the clothes for it.

my identity can't be longer than a tweet.

i saw an opening. i decided to be the bad guy.

you're not going to start biting the heads off live bats, are you?

it's true, then. you can't take it with you.

you worried so hard for so long.

i'm sorry, i didn't get your last name.

you called me? what are you, 103 years old?

jesus would not go to nobu.

i don't mind you thinking outside the box. i mind you thinking outside of my box.

either lie down completely or stand the fuck up. it's gonna kill you in the middle.

you sound like oprah, except mean.

i want to live my life, not document it on instagram.

you lie to yourself and you lie to me.

to save something, something must be sacrificed. that's the way it goes.

we can't police our dreams. don't judge.

it felt like a death.

if i own something long enough, i start ascribing feelings to it.

that billy shakespeare, he got everywhere first.

i'm a reader, not a writer.

come on, let's get you cleaned up.

did i call you last night?

i was a different person with a different life. i've never had a dream like that.

there's nothing more boring than listening to somebody else's dream.

i can be a good shrink or a good friend. not both. choose.

i can't remember the last time i got laid.

don't be such a pussy.

i feel like i'm coming up short.

this is no time to come out of the closet.

was i a disappointment to you?

i like seeing things the way i do.

which version is the real you?

don't worry. there won't be a quiz.

the future is as random and fated as the past.

so much of life necessitates looking away.

have you been crying?

you forgot your trigger warning.

what i want has very little to do with anything.

spare me the faux shame.

when do the exceptions just pile up and make a new rule?

i like structure. i like to know i've done my homework.

i have to go to confession.

i don't know what to pray for.

the prayer is the god.

you stabbed a priest?

i need to change the past.

i'm losing you to that place you go.

shut the front door!

what would the perfect life look like?

you have the coolest, most beautiful eyes i've ever seen.

sing you to sleep? i don't really know any songs.

you don't know any songs? that's not possible.

i think i've always wanted to be taken advantage of by a gigolo.

you seem too smart to be an actor.

little lies make bigger lies possible.

there's something you're not saying.

there's a lot i'm not saying. i'm sure there's a lot you're not saying, too.

take the reins. write your own story.

i'm sorry you heard that.

i screwed up. you're not gonna love me anymore.

we all know better, but we're human. we screw up.

how do we know our character unless we step outside it and look its way, now and then?

is it my business? you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.

i feel tall enough to ride this rollercoaster.

maybe you don't see yourself the way i see you.

you understand fine. you're just too nervous to comprehend.

people fall in love in difficult circumstances. most songs are about it.

let's agree on a moratorium on questions like "how did you know?".

well, stop guessing. start knowing.

just because i'm funny doesn't mean i'm not lethal.

you're already in the game. you have no choice but to play on.

don't tell me what i want. don't put words in my mouth.

where has playing by the rules gotten you?

maybe you have more power than you think you do.

one of the lies we tell children is that reason will get them through this life.

in order to love, you have to know what death is.

as first kisses go, i've had worse.

there's such a thing as too much history.

i want to be with you, but not like this.

i'm quite forgettable. that's like, the most memorable thing about me.

do you actually believe in past lives?

this conversation requires more wine than i currently have.

is there something else you'd like to ask? i get the feeling there is.

[mylittlesecrethaven]

How Relationships With Them Would Be: Pt 2

OH MY GOODNESS IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

Anyway, let's do this.

I'm finishing this up.

Even though nobody asked me to.

Vice housewarden time. (Also, I know some of the dorms don't have vice housewardens, but you know what I mean by these characters. Please don't comment or message or whatever and be like "Um, actually--" Cause I know. Don't worry. :3 Thanks tho)

Trey:

Ngl, perfect boyfriend material. I can't really see anything that would go bad unless you're just super stubborn about your teeth brushing habits. I think that's the only deal breaker for him.

MC: But I don't wanna brush my teeth now! I'm going to bed.

Trey: Do you know what can happen to your teeth by skipping even one brushing session?

MC: Don't know, don't care.

All in all, the only way this wouldn't work out is if you are the asshole.

Ruggie:

Pfft- You fucking wish. I mean, if you get close enough, maybe. But this boi would probably rather trick you and snatch your shit than try to date you. Of course, even if you did get close, he'd tease you to no end. (But if y'all were dating, I'd say he'd be a pretty ok boyfriend)

MC: Um... where's my wallet?

Ruggie: Oh, I used it to buy food.

MC: Oh, how much food?

Ruggie: As much as I could get with whatever was in there.

MC: ...

Ruggie: And then I sold the wallet for some quick cash.

MC: ....my wallet....

Yeah, you could never keep anything valuable.

Jade:

Unless you're into sadism, you'd fucking die. Also, if you hate mushrooms, good fucking luck. And if you piss him off? You're family would never find you again. I swear, being with this guy would always have you on edge.

MC: Um... Jade? I may have.... sorta.... kinda.... destroyed one of your terrariums... On accident though!

Jade: *silent stare*

MC: ....Jade?....

Jade: *creepy smile thing he does*

(And then MC either goes missing, gets left up on a mountain, or has to work all of Jade's shifts at Monstro Lounge for a month while also helping maintain all of his garden shit)

So yeah. Unless you're ok with constantly being watched for weakness or blackmail, I'd say don't date this psycho.

Jamil:

I mean.... maybe? He's super weird about trust, so even getting close to him would be hard. If y'all are close, I'd say it'd be ok. He probably wouldn't have as much time for you as you'd like since he has to deal with Kalim all the time. Otherwise, I'd say he's ok.

MC: Can we go on that date tomorrow?

Jamil: No. Kalim is hosting another party.

MC: Again? He just had one yesterday, and I've been trying to get us to go on a date for weeks.

Jamil: Can't. Sorry.

Kalim would honestly be your biggest problem while actually dating Jamil. I'd say he'd be almost as good as Trey, otherwise.

Rook:

Another maybe. Sorta like how Jamil has to deal with Kalim, Rook is obsessed with Vil, so you'd kinda have to fight for attention. Honestly, you'd have to fight for his attention with everything. If you're a dull person, you stand no chance in pulling his eyes and actually dating him. However, unlike Jamil who has pretty much no choice in having to deal with Kalim, you'd have to live with the fact that Rook actually chooses other stuff over you.

MC: I made this cool art piece!

Rook: And it is beautiful! *goes back to watching Vil*

MC: That's.... that's it?

Rook: *still watching Vil* It is an amazing work of art! *pause* Oooo! Vil looks stunning today!

I feel like you'd have to have really high self-esteem to deal with being showed up by other stuff. It'd honestly really suck.

Ortho:

No

Lilia:

Honestly? Probably an ok boyfriend. As long as you're also a prankster, at least. If you're too dull or very lowkey, he'd probably gloss right over you. But if you're bubbly and hyperactive like him? Then yes. It'd also work if you're lowkey, but spook easily. I'd say he's alright.

Lilia: *appears behind MC* Hello!

MC: *nearly jumps out of their skin*

Lilia: *laughing*

MC: Not funny!

Not as good as Trey, but I think he'd be fine otherwise. The only big issue would be secrets, so if you aren't ok with your partner keeping a few private details to themselves, Lilia probably wouldn't like you as much. (Or maybe he'd like you more cause he'd get to tease you with it, but you might not like it yourself)