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rubyuji · 5 months

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Treat (Kim Mingyu) ୧ ‧₊˚ 🍰 ⋅ ☆

“So Y/n, I see you noticed the cute baker in the kitchen. Any plans on getting to know him?” °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Genre: Fluff

AU: University!au

Pairing: Culinary Student!Baker!Mingyu x Medical Student!reader

Warnings: None just tooth-rotting fluff

Synopsis: An average medical student getting by who meets the cute baker from the small bakery across the street in front of her university.

Note: This used to be a TXT fic but I edited it and now it’s a Mingyu fic because I have a bunch of wips that I’m dying to finish. Here’s something for me to post at least, happy reading! As always, don’t forget to like + reblog as a way to support.

WC: 5.4k

Being a medical student was a pain in the ass and was way worse than how people would describe it, it cost money, time as well as your mental and emotional stability. It’s not like anyone would want to study the anatomy of a human in a dull lecture hall with like forty other people, or know how a whiff of a cigarette could even kill you.

Yet here you were, already going the works of med school, and there was no turning back from it all, because although you were passionate, you still had a limit to how much you could take, even if you had always dreamed of becoming a pediatrician to keep you motivated.

“Oh my God Jihyo, I don’t think I’m ready to take this exam. I’m probably going to flunk this semester and I’ll be stuck as a receptionist in scrubs at a local clinic if I don’t get my head straight” you say tearfully.

Your friend Jihyo chuckled as she patted your back comfortingly, assuring you that you would do just fine and that you had already done enough studying the past few days. You weren’t stupid, just dramatic.

“You’ll be fine Y/n, don’t worry about it otherwise you will start to feel even worse. You’ve studied like crazy so it would be insane if you didn’t do so well, like you always do” she smiled softly in reply.

You shoot Jihyo a weak smile back and sigh once again, at least one of your best friends kept you somewhat sane, you couldn’t say the same for your appearance though. With heavy eyebags and eyes that looked as hollow as your soul, anyone would probably mistake you for a psych ward patient if you were caught walking around by yourself.

“Thanks, and good luck to us once we step into the exam hall. We’re gonna need it, me especially” you sigh after gathering the rest of the materials you’ll need for the exam itself.

When an hour passed, the exam completely drained you of all the life you had left. You stepped out of the exam hall with Jihyo groggily. You just wanted to go home and sleep all your problems away, but if you were already struggling as a freshman, how much more would you be in the future knowing you still had thirteen more years to go?

“Is it too late to change careers and become a full-time sugar baby or stripper?” You ask your friend and roommate, Rosé, who was just as drained as you were.

“I don’t think so. Let’s go on that sugar baby website” she chimed back in exhaustion. Chungha laughed at you both on the couch before setting down a pizza on the coffee table in front of you, along with a few drinks and a huge bottle of coke.

“Cheer up ladies, we’ll get through all of this before you know it. Now eat up, the food’s getting cold” Chungha hissed.

You and Rosé helped yourselves without another word, the three of you scarfing down all the food and complaining about midterms just to get your system going.

In the middle of the conversation, Rosé had suddenly brought up the bakery that just opened across the university.

“By the way, a new bakery opened up across the street from our school, do you guys wanna try and visit tomorrow?” She chirped.

You guys didn’t have anything to lose, so you and Chungha agreed before setting a certain time to meet after your last exam. That was when you realized it was getting late so you all cleaned up and started to get ready for bed.

“Goodnight you two! Good luck as well, we’ll need it for our last set of exams” You bid your roommates goodnight as you retreat into your room.

“Whew! That was exhausting, I’m glad everything is over with because chemistry should be the least of my problems for now” you cheered.

Rosé groans and runs a hand through her hair in frustration. Chungha was late, and it was because her boyfriend Jungkook wanted some alone time with her.

“God if Chungha doesn’t come in like five minutes I’m gonna assume they need their ‘THEM’ time” she huffs. You laugh and just grab Rosé while giving Jihyo a call. If Chungha getting it, at least someone else can take her place, for now, her boyfriend probably needs a lot of relief.

“Jihyo can come, she’ll be there in like ten. For now, we should order in advance” you say, as you both enter the bakery.

The interior was very cute and minimal, everything was white marble, be it the racks and tables with checkered flooring. On the ceiling hung two crystal chandeliers that reflected light causing a blur of rainbows to scatter across the room.

“Wow you were right, this place is adorable Rosie! Let’s go order drinks and pick our bread” you squeal and drag her over.

Behind the register, you see a guy with black hair and another guy with light brown hair bickering about something.

“Jeonghan, I swear to fucking God if you—“ the black-haired male was cut off after seeing you and Rosé walking over.

“Go serve the customers first, I’ll be waiting in the back” The brunette smirked, and retreated into the kitchen behind the counter.

At the counter, the guy greets you with a charming smile, just about charming enough to get you flustered, but you didn’t want to look like a mess right now so you browsed the menu behind him.

“Hi! Welcome to Carat Cravings! What can I get you two today?” You read his nametag and saw that he was named Seungcheol. ‘Cute’ you say to yourself and smile back at him.

“Can we get one fruit and egg tart with a margarita pizza for here, please? And for the drinks one caramel macchiato and one americano, both iced with a fruit ade please” Seungcheol punches your orders into the register and looks up at you both again.

“Will that be all?” He asks, and you nod as you hand him your card. Rosé looked at you almost frazzled and was about to refuse your offer to pay, but then noticed that you had caught wind of another guy from behind in the kitchen.

As Seungcheol hands you your card back, you and Rosé make your way to a table near the window. “So Y/n, I see you noticed the cute baker in the kitchen. Any plans on getting to know him?” She giggled softly.

You looked at her with a glare and shook your head furiously. No, you weren’t the kind of person to date because you always prioritized your studies more than anything, but you had to admit, the baker was just so cute.

He was tall and had beautiful sunkissed skin with jet black hair and had a face that almost resembled a puppy, and maybe you also couldn’t help but notice that he had nice hands that kneaded the dough so well. You’d imagine what his hands would do if they were—

“Y/n! Hi Rosie!” Your thoughts were cut short as Jihyo entered the bakery and called over to you both excitedly. She was beaming as you made space for her to sit beside you.

“Hi Jihyo, you look happy for someone who came out of our hour-long exam” Rosé eyed her suspiciously. Jihyo only laughed and waved off what she said while staring both of you down.

“My sister called right after and said the hospital she’s working at is accepting part-timers! I just came here feeling happy about it” she says excitedly.

You and Rosé were shocked but also happy for her knowing that having a sister who worked at a hospital had its perks too. Jihyo was just one of the lucky ones, but everyone starts somewhere.

“Sorry to interrupt ladies but here are your orders! If you need anything else you can just call for me or the other guy behind the counter, the one with light brown hair” Seungcheol placed your orders on the table and the three of you thanked him politely.

When Seungcheol had finally walked out of earshot, Jihyo had lowered her voice into a whisper. “This bakery is cute but oh my god, I never expected the workers to be cute as well,” she says in a giddy tone.

You laugh at her and take a piece of the pizza while sipping on your caramel macchiato, Jihyo still ogling at Seungcheol as Rosé gives her a disgusted look.

“Come on you two, what happened to putting our studies first? If you date during your freshman year you are going to end up as a receptionist in scrubs you hear me” Rosé says sarcastically, but you were too busy staring at the baker who just came out of the kitchen.

He was talking to the two other males behind the counter and sighed. That was when you noticed that he had eyed you up and down too before looking away.

“Y/n? Hello? What the fuck, oh wait it’s that baker” Rosé says with a huff. Jihyo giggles and shushes her, noticing how flustered you became all of a sudden.

The two knew you were never one to talk about guys or wanted to date since high school, so seeing you all worked up over someone you didn’t know would only make teasing you even worse.

“New motivation to go to class every day? I know you have evening classes, so maybe I could ask them what time they close” Jihyo says with a smirk.

“Oh shut up, the baker is just some stupid eye candy you know. I can’t let that go to waste” you try to brush it off, but in reality, you two were practically checking each other out without your friends noticing.

On the other hand, Mingyu also seems to have noticed you and how you stared at him from across the room. Opting to check you out too because you didn’t look that bad either, and because he needed a break from being in the kitchen since the morning.

“Mingyu? Are you alright? Don’t tell me you’re checking out that girl over there with her friends, I was planning to get first dibs because she looked the most interesting” Jeonghan whined.

Seungcheol smacked him on the back of his head and went to tidy whatever was on the counter until a few more customers came in, but then he turned towards the two.

“I mean, you’re not wrong. She looks really pretty, but Mingyu seems to put her on edge. They barely even know each other, but you can feel the tension between them, just go talk to her Gyu” the older male grins.

Mingyu rolls his eyes at the two and notices that Jun has also come out from the back to get a breather. Business was a bit slow today, but they did just open so there was no harm in being a bit laid back.

“Are you guys talking about the group of girls over there? We just opened and you’re already ogling at our customers, be more professional” Jun says nonchalantly.

“Well I need a girlfriend, the girls in my major aren’t all that so ogling at the bakery respectfully would seem better than asking out a girl who wouldn’t know how to interact with me” Jeonghan rolls his eyes and drags Jun back to the kitchen where he’ll be taking over for Mingyu, whilst Wonwoo takes his place at the front.

In the midst of this all happening, you notice the other boys by the counter and rip your eyes off Mingyu to focus on what Jihyo and Rosé are talking about.

“The food is so good here! I can’t believe they just opened, I want to gatekeep this place forever” Jihyo gushed. Rosé nodded in agreement and turned to you, to which you replied with a confused expression.

“Well, we are done. How about we head home so we have more time to relax? I’m sorry if I’m rushing, but I have a show to catch up on” Rosé blabbered. You laugh at her and nod as you all collect your things.

“See you tomorrow Jihyo! I’ll call you” You smile and wave as the three of you part ways, you and Rosé going home together since you were both roommates.

“Alright! Stay safe you two!” Jihyo then turned and walked towards her apartment, which was about two blocks from the bakery itself.

At home, as you’re studying on the living room floor, you notice Chungha sitting on the couch behind you. “I heard from Rosie that the pastry maker from the new bakery caught your eye” she joked.

You roll your eyes and shake your head at the accusation, is it not normal to ogle at people once in a while? And how did word travel so fast?

“Trust me, he’s just eye candy. It’s nothing personal” you sigh, whilst highlighting a sentence in your book. Chungha huffs and takes a sip from her mug, smirking at you.

“I doubt it, you’re such a nerd Y/n. You already work your ass off at school so why not live a little and date? Come on, this guy is probably just as studious as you are, considering he works at a bakery with his friends” she says matter-of-factly.

“So working at a bakery that he started with his friends makes him a nerd like me? I’m so impressed Chungha, you should’ve taken criminology, to be completely honest,” you reply sarcastically, which earned you a slap on the back of the head.

“Come on, if you’re going by tomorrow at least talk to him. I mean, what do you have to lose? You’re smart, pretty and you’re kind. Not to mention, wasn’t he also checking you out?” You felt your face grow hot, guess you weren’t that slick after all if Rosé noticed it too.

Before you could retaliate, the two of you heard the soft pattering of feet and a laugh coming from the hallway. It was Rosé, and it seemed like she’d overheard your conversation through the paper-thin walls of the apartment.

“Y/n! You should go see him! It’ll do you good I promise” she squealed. Chungha laughed and nodded along with her, it seemed like your roommates were some of the most insufferable people in the entire world.

“If I do it will you guys finally leave me alone?” You say weakly. The other two nodded eagerly with wide eyes and you mentally facepalm.

If a simple conversation was gonna get them off your tail, then so be it. It’ll be quick and it’s not like it’ll be a routine part of your day.

The next morning, you couldn’t be any more wrong. You woke up earlier than you should’ve for your first class of the day, and as you fixed yourself in the mirror, you thought about the baker and why you ended up just mentally thanking your friends for the challenge.

“Good morning Y/n, you seem chipper this morning” Rosé greets you from the kitchen. You smile shyly at her and look away, which gives off the impression that you maybe were anticipating the morning more than you thought, compared to the night before.

“Looking forward to talking to him now? Seems like a culinary major so maybe you’ll find him easier than you’d think” she continues.

“Yeah, yeah maybe I am a bit excited since he is cute. I bet he has a girlfriend though and I’ll prove you guys wrong, maybe his eyes just wandered” you laugh while Rosé only gives you a smirk and a scoff.

“When you start dating this guy, I bet you’ll thank us for setting you up like this. Studies can always come second, and who said you can’t multitask?” you bid your goodbye and race to the elevator of your apartment building, sighing from the intense teasing, but before the elevator doors could close, a voice had called over from the end of the hallway.

“Hey! Wait up!” You quickly press the open door button and lo and behold, there stood the exact baker you and Rosé were just talking about this morning, except he was in a chef outfit. ‘Maybe she was right’ you chuckle.

“Thanks for that— Wait, you were with your friends at the bakery yesterday” The tall male recognized you as you nodded back and gave him a friendly smile.

“I’m surprised you even remember me, but I’m even more shocked that you live in the same apartment building” you reply with a laugh. Mingyu scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and nods.

“You guys were one of our first customers, so it’s honestly hard to forget since it’s kind of special in a way” The elevator doors open and the two of you walk out, still engaged in a conversation.

“Oh before we do part ways, I’m Y/n! I had plans to head to the bakery later but it seems like your shift won’t start ‘till the afternoon it seems” you say cheekily.

“I’m Mingyu, it’s nice to meet you. Don’t worry, I only have one morning class before the others take over for the night, so you will be seeing me right after” Mingyu chuckles. Your face heats up so you immediately bid the male goodbye and walk over to your bus.

Microbiology was probably one of the worst classes to ever have in the morning, so a coffee fix for the rest of the day was just what you needed. You offer to buy your other friend Nayeon one too since you needed someone to go with you, just to lessen the effects of being around Mingyu at least.

“I’m starting to get sick of studying fungi and bacteria all day, can you believe every fucking surface we wipe a swab on has some form of disease” you grimace.

The bell of the bakery chimes and you already see a familiar head of brown hair behind the register. “Hi welcome to Carat Cravings! What can I get you guys today?” It was still fairly early in the morning, so you guessed that the ones working the morning hours mostly had evening classes just like you.

“One americano and one caramel machiatto, both iced. While we’ll get a breakfast platter please” Jeonghan punches in the order and you hand him your card, once again, to pay. At that exact moment, Mingyu had come out of the kitchen to greet you.

“Wait you know her?” Jeonghan suddenly asks. Mingyu nods and you greet him back shyly, you two had only just met by chance at the elevator of your apartment building.

“She lives in the same building, anyways Y/n this is Jeonghan. Since you’ll be coming here more often, I assume, then you should get to know us” he grins back at you. Jeonghan gave you both puzzled looks but you nodded in reply, a grin also plastered onto your face.

“Go ahead and find a seat then, your orders will be out in a few” You and Nayeon make your way to a window seat in the corner and take out a few of your notebooks just to go over what was discussed in your lecture.

You are writing down another important note on your iPad when you hear the clinking of glasses and see another blonde beside your table, you guessed this was the other guy named Jun.

“Here you are, let us know how you feel about the food before you go by the way! Also here’s something from Mingyu that he wanted me to give you” he handed you a note and you looked at him confused, then looked over at the counter where you noticed the man as he ran back into the kitchen.

Jun walks away as you open the note, your friend Nayeon is confused as as you are. “Oh—? It’s his uh number?” You say in a flustered manner. ‘Let’s get closer! Here’s my number since I’m too shy to give it to you :)’ it said.

“Aww! Y/n that’s so cute!” Nayeon squeals as you look away shyly to bring out your phone to type in his number. “Hey, he’s just being friendly don’t be like that!” You deny it, but Nayeon wouldn’t let up.

After that day, Mingyu had pretty much become a routine part of your life, except that one phone call after a few weeks of talking to each other.

“Y/n? I didn’t expect you today since you seemed so busy, how was class?” Mingyu chuckles from the other line. You smile at his words before replying, no matter how busy, Mingyu always manages to ask you about your day.

“Well it was pretty ok I guess, I’m just sad I couldn’t stop by the bakery today because it rained too” you reply sadly. You hear the line go silent and hear a few muffled jeers and laughs in the background. ‘Cute’ you thought.

“Don’t mind the guys. Since you called, I wanted to know if you were free this weekend? Jun’s taking over for me” Mingyu asks.

“I am actually! I don’t have anything planned right now. What do you have in mind?” You reply a little too enthusiastically. You hear another chuckle on the other line and cover your mouth in embarrassment.

“You’re so cute, let’s go to a café! I don’t want us to feel so lost since it’s our first time hanging out personally” Mingyu smiled on the other line before hearing Wonwoo gag from behind him. You blush at Mingyu’s comment and try to contain the urge to scream.

“Alright then, text me the time and I’ll put it into my schedule for the week. Bye, Mingyu! Good luck at work!” The other members all smirked at Mingyu and he bid you goodbye as well, this time with reddened ears.

The taller male then turns to his friends who go back to cleaning up before they close the bakery soon. “Yeah, it’s nothing. I just made a friend I swear, besides, she lives in our apartment building so it’ll be weird if I didn’t at least make acquaintances with her” he tries to convince them.

“Yeah right, I’d ask my cute neighbor out on a date if I were you too. Cut the bullshit Gyu, we know you like her” Wonwoo says while laughing.

Mingyu looks away, they definitely weren’t wrong and even though he did have dreams of becoming a top pastry chef one day, he also couldn’t risk not seeing you again.

“It’s always studies first, but I overheard she’s also one of the top students in her major. You bagged the beauty and brains Gyu!” Seungcheol exclaims.

Jeonghan looks at his friend in confusion as to how he even knew this information, but the older only chuckles in response.

“I got this information from Jihoon just so you know, he’s pretty close to her other friend Jihyo I think” Seungcheol concludes. Mingyu sighed and went to fix the pastry display, he was in for a rough week he supposed.

On your end, your two roommates had also overheard the conversation and squealed just as you ended the call. “He asked you out on a date?! Y/n that’s wonderful!” Rosé screams, immediately engulfing you in a bear hug.

“Guys it’s just a regular hang out between friends! He’s just our, cute, neighbor and baker you know” you stifle out. Chungha gives you a look of disapproval and flicks your forehead.

“Yeah, yeah. We all know you two are whipped for each other and it’s been two weeks since they opened up, you two will probably make it official before you even start the second date!” She huffs out. You frown, were you really in denial? You wouldn’t know for sure.

The date (if you could even call it that), came by faster than you could blink and now here you were, standing in front of the mirror, with your makeup done and in a pretty white dress with matching white ballet flats.

“Why do you look so dolled up? It’s a friendly date isn’t it” Rosé teases. You turn to her and see her leaning against the doorframe, a soft smile on her face.

“I just wanted to look presentable you know” you squeak out, knowing you were caught red-handed. It was autumn so you had to take your last chance to at least wear something pretty before layering everything.

“Anyways, tell me the details once you’re back! And take A LOT, and I mean a lot, of pictures with him ok? You two look cute together” Rosé runs away before you can reprimand her, and you suddenly hear your phone ping.

“Y/n! Someone’s at the door for you!” Chungha calls out lovingly. You stiffen, was it necessary for your roommate to act embarrassing at the most inconvenient time? You walk out of your room and make eye contact with Mingyu from the hallway.

Mingyu’s eyes widen at your form, the two of you were wearing matching outfits, both white and looking like you had dressed for the spring instead of the cold autumn weather.

“So?—“ Chungha was cut short as you sprinted and grabbed Mingyu’s hand, leading him down the hallway hurriedly with a laugh.

“I’m sorry, my roommates can be a handful sometimes. Now, where are we going?” You grin. Mingyu’s ears redden after realizing your hands were still intertwined, but you didn’t seem that bothered so he led you to his car that was parked in the basement.

“Are you planning to kill me?” You joke. Mingyu shakes his head and you laugh. “No, no! Just taking you to my car since the café is in the uptown part of the city. It’s a bit far but I guarantee you’ll like it” he replies in a flustered voice.

“Are you sure you’re not some murderer plotting my demise and you’re secretly taking me to your getaway house with your actual girlfriend” you blurt out. He looks at you in confusion and now it was his turn to laugh.

“I don’t think I’d be here then if I had a girlfriend, trust me, I’m more into my studies and passion than you think. So, consider yourself a special girl” Mingyu unintentionally flirts. You hit his shoulder out of habit, but he didn’t seem to mind either as he continued to laugh at you.

“Why’d you ask me out anyway? My other friends are way prettier and way more interesting than me, and don’t think I’m saying that out of pity, I’m just confused since I’ve always had my head buried in books as well” you admit shamefully.

“In all honesty, I just felt an instant connection with you, call it whatever but I’ve never felt like this with someone before” The street lights illuminate his face and you thank the gods above that he can’t see your flushed face in the dimness of the light.

“Oh, we’re here by the way. Let me park and don’t get out until I open the door for you” Mingyu parks the car at a spot in front of a very comfy but also expensive-looking café, before getting out of the driver’s seat to open your end.

You get out and thank him bashfully, the two of you heading inside. It didn’t seem too crowded for a weekend, which relieved you a bit since the ambiance was much more peaceful this way.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to Nabi’s, what can I get you two today?” The cashier smiles. You turn to Mingyu, and he looks at you with another grin, immediately ordering since you aren’t all that familiar with the place.

The cashier punches it in and Mingyu pays for everything, leaving you flustered for the umpteenth time that day. ‘What a gentleman, and he doesn’t have a girlfriend?’ You tell yourself.

“Your orders will be out shortly, you can take a seat and we’ll bring it right over. Have a good one, and here’s your change sir” Mingyu gladly takes his card and leads you to the second floor of the café.

Upon stepping into the seating area, you were immediately greeted with a beautiful view of the city. “Mingyu this is amazing!” You run over to the seat next to the window, and this causes Mingyu’s heart to race. How could you be so endearing even in the smallest aspect?

“It’s nothing, it’s a place I like to go to when I want to be alone, but I brought you here because it’s special to me” he admits while sitting down in front of you.

“Thank you honestly, I feel very special now that I’ve earned enough trust from Kim Mingyu to be able to go to one of his favorite places” You giggle, your stomach full of butterflies from how he treated you.

“Well, I did want to say this and I’m afraid it might be too early, but here it goes” You look at him curiously and stay quiet so you can listen to him better. You were always one to make anyone feel heard and comfortable.

“I like you Y/n, as if it isn’t obvious enough. The day I saw you with your friends at the bakery, something just stood out to me about you, and after getting to know you, it made you a hundred times more attractive to me. It might be a bit early but I wanted to let you know that I’d be willing to wait for you as long as you let me” Mingyu says wholeheartedly.

You were shocked, you liked Mingyu just as much as he did you, but his confession and sincerity were so out of the blue. Was this guy sure about not having a girlfriend?

“Mingyu, I don’t know what to say. I like you too! At first, I was pretty in denial about my feelings since I didn’t want to end up as a receptionist in scrubs and only really stuck to my studies, but you opened up my heart in a way. No need to wait, I’m willing to be your girlfriend” you confess as well.

You stare at Mingyu and notice his ears turn red while a huge smile starts to make its way onto his face. “You don’t understand how happy you make me Y/n, I won’t disappoint you” he holds your hand from across the table.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, Mingyu and you talking for hours on end about everything you missed out on during the first few weeks of getting to know each other, what you guys had in common, and even planning out the second date.

Mingyu and you walk through the basement of your apartment together as he takes you home for the night, dreamy smiles on both your faces and hands intertwined with each other’s. It felt magical almost that you’d even met this guy, he came straight out of a storybook.

“I had so much fun today, thank you Mingyu. I’m so happy,” you say in the elevator. Mingyu engulfs you in a hug and nuzzles his face against the crown of your head, you two did seem like a lovesick couple already.

“Thank you for today as well Y/n, I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Now let’s take you home so you can rest well, even if I don’t want to let you go just yet” he says cheekily.

The elevator dings and you realize that you are already on your floor. You start to feel sad but Mingyu still walks you over to your apartment down the hall, the two of you constantly exchanging glances as you get to your door slowly.

“Goodnight Mingyu! Thank you again, boyfriend, I’ll see you tomorrow at the bakery after class?” You quip. Mingyu nods and you kiss him on the cheek before typing in your door combination.

“Boyfriend huh? Goodnight then Y/n, sleep tight love. I don’t want to let you go just yet” he pouts. You laugh again and give him one last peck, this time on his lips, which causes his eyes to widen again.

“You’ll see me tomorrow! Now go rest up sleepyhead, you always work so hard” After you finish that sentence, you open the door and bid him one last goodbye before he walks away, and you walk into your apartment.

Once the door is closed, you hear the shrieks of your roommates and massage your temples. You were going to be in for it tonight, but at least you finally had the man of your dreams.

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crusty-chronicles · 1 year

Note

is there any chance you could add killua for the airheaded but strong s/o headcanons? If not, then no worries, I just love how you write them!

Yeah, I don't mind but it's gonna be platonic because I'm a little iffy about writing for him romantically. He's just a boy 🥺🥺🥺 This is mostly a crack fic.

BONUS AIRHEADED S/O HEADCANNONS: Killua (HxH)

Honestly tried to kill you at one point

Oh you're strong huh?

Then proceeds to hit you with everything he's got, only to see that it hardly affected you. (Kinda like the way he first treated Zushi)

After that he's petty, but impressed.

Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 You've earned his respect 🥳🥳🥳

You're basically Gon 2.0

And he hates it

Cannot take you two anywhere

"We should break the lock to get in." Gon suggested.

"Are you stupid?" You scoffed.

"What's the point of having a door if you're just gonna break it?"

And Killua is momentarily at peace that at least one of you has some sense. Until you open your mouth again.

"Obviously we should smash open a window."

And Gon is nodding along enthusiastically

"You're right! What would we do without you 🤩"

And Killua is just 😮‍💨.

He is the parent of the group and I will die on this hill

If Gon's the sun, you're a nuke

He's constantly dragging you away from Hisoka

Nope. Not today

Why do you insist on talking to strangers.

No scratch that.

Why do you insist on talking to creepy strangers????

It gives him a massive headache everytime you almost get abducted.

Honestly thought about putting a tracker on you to avoid this happening.

But then he remembers you're practically indestructible so he drops it.

Is afraid Illumi will come for you and hurt you.

He was never allowed to have friends, and after Illumi threatened you and Gon at the Hunter Exam, he's very protective.

But then he remembers something you said after Greed Island.

"The three of us are all gonna become the best of the best. We're gonna get all wrinkly and old together and still kick butt!!! We're gonna stick together no matter what!"

And it temporarily quells the fear of his brother.

It makes him look forward to that outcome and gives him something to fight a little harder for.

When it comes to fighting, he does get a little envious of how you and Gon just rush in without thinking.

And how you always manage to win despite the circumstance.

But he never feels left behind because of it.

Like with Gon, he won't baby you, just call you an idiot and move on.

You fell?

Get up loser.

You can't read?

Find somebody else to translate. Or he'll make you do it and be laughing nonstop while you struggle to pronounce the word "Apple"

"Gon what color's an orange?"

"An orange is the same color as it's name. Just like a lemon."

Please somebody take you two back to first grade.

Killua is begging.

Even though he won't baby you, he'll rush as fast as he can if you're in actual danger.

You got caught by the phantom troupe?

"Are you completely brain dead!?!!? Where are you!?!?"

Now he regrets not putting a tracker on you.

"This nice clown man gave me candy and told me to follow him." You tell him over CALL.

"HISOOKAAAAA!!!!"

He is screaming and panicking.

You trespassed into the mountains his family lives to see him.

"WHY???? DON'T YOU KNOW ABOUT MIKE!?!?"

And when he gets there he sees you rubbing the monstrous canine's tummy. Petting him and calling him a "Good Boy."

Names he has called you out of spite: Idiot, Moron, Dummy, Psycho, Airhead, Ditz, and probably Pea Brain

On the bright side, you are Alluka's favorite person.

"Give me your ribs."

"Oh, are you hungry? Let's see if we can't find you a smokehouse for those ribs."

And it baffles both souls so much that Nanika accepts that as fulfilling her command.

Plus you have endless amounts of energy that works to drain both girls out. Even when they've both already swapped twice.

Killua designates you her official babysitter when he's busy.

You are a complete lunatic and moron, but you're one of the people he trusts the most.

Even if he does complain about you a lot.

MASTERLIST

#killua x reader #hxh x reader #hunter x hunter x y/n #hxh killua #killua zoldyck #hunter x hunter #airhead s/o #stronk s/o #crack fic #x reader #x y/n #platonic

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writing-in-the-impala · 5 months

Text

Secret Smokes (Part 15)

Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader

Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, drinking, teacher-student relationship, angst, jealousy, fluff, smut.

Word Count: 2311

A/N: wow it's been a while I have no excuses I just have a soul-draining full-time job and no free time. Enjoy! I missed you all <3

| SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |

Previous Chapter, Part 15, Next Chapter

You spent the whole Sunday sulking as you walked around Hogsmeade trying to lift your own spirits. You couldn't take it anymore. On one hand you thought about how maybe you just need to go one a date with someone else to break this fixation you had on Remus on the other hand you felt like you may have a lot more than just a crush on him and that no one will be able to replace him. You simultaneously wanted to bump into him and to not see him for a few days. But something pushed you to try and force him into bumping into you. So you pulled out the marauders map and saw he was in his classroom. You went to the corridor adjacent and sat with a book waiting for him to walk out, yet the next time you checked the map he was in the library so you headed straight there. Once you arrived to the library he was nowhere to be found, you checked the map and saw he was walking towards the courtyard you followed him but couldn't catch up with him until you saw him disappear from the map. You knew he left Hogwarts, and you knew he was avoiding you as he probably saw where you were using his own map. It was hopeless. He was impossible.

Your next interaction with him was Monday morning in class, one of the only places he couldn't avoid you, especially that you knew he couldn't skip classes as he had to do so at the end of each month anyway. When you walked in Remus's eyes flicked to yours and then straight to the floor to avoid yours. He kept his composure well during class but spent the whole hour tapping his finger on his wand and falling over his words. He barely answered questions and took deep breaths. After the lesson finished he let out a sign simply saying "that's all, thank you very much. Remember keep studying I know you'll all do great." In this moment he gave you a short glance breathing in, closing his eyes slowly and turning to walk up to his office. As everyone funnelled out you followed him. "Professor, I have a question about one of the exams." You said nearly running up to catch him as he was already half way up the stairs.

"Miss L/N, I can't go into too much details about exams you know this. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I won't be of much use to you."

"But professor I just want to understand more." You pushed hugging your books for comfort and looking around as some students were still in the class, he shifted his body weights to his other leg.

"I'll be honest I've never ran a class through exams, you know I'm new to all this. It would be better for you to speak to a different professor on this subject." He pained and you knew you were both speaking in double meanings at this point.

"But you're the one I want to speak to as you are the one who teaches defence against the dark arts."

"Was I not clear that I'm not the right match for you on this topic when we last spoke about exams, I suggest Professor McGonagall could help." He said looking past you at the last few girls in the room both you aching for them to leave you you could speak normally as he knew you wouldn't leave and there wasn't much you could say like this.

"Yes I do understand that Professor however what she explained wasn't that clear either, it left me with a lot of questions specific to defence against the dark arts." At this moment the last two girls left saying "bye Professor Lupin." He said goodbye to them before turning back to you and saying "Follow me, let me see if I can help." You followed behind him, he held the door open for you and let you in his office first before shutting the door behind you, you didn't make yourself comfortable in the room but rather stood by the door. "You shouldn't speak to me like that while there's other students around." He said in a low tone.

"I needed to get your attention somehow."

"You know you've always got my attention." He words were almost a low growl.

"But you avoided me all Sunday."

"It's what's best for you." He took a step closer closing the space between you forcing you to look up if you want to look into his eyes.

"How do you know what's best for me?"

"Trust me I do." He leaned down his lips were an inch away from yours.

"Really?" You asked and his lips met yours as he moaned a "mhm" in confirmation. He pulled away to say "you know you really shouldn't act like that in my classroom while there's other students still leaving, begging me to talk to you, to give you attention." His words were making hot flashes go through your body as you said nothing just looked up at him. "Do you understand?" He asked and you nodded.

"Good girl." He said the words catching you off guard. He walked away from you to go and lean against his desk as you stood in the same place confused.

"I thought you were avoiding me?" You asked not understanding his sudden change in behaviour.

"I am." He said signalling for you to come closer with his hand and you followed his command. He stood up straight in front of the desk as you looked up at him he picked you up and put you down on the desk so you were now sitting on it.

"How is this avoiding me professor?" You ask him as he looked down at you, he got on his knees in front of you, his head at desk level as his hands moved up and down your thigh.

"Well right now we don't have to discuss all the stuff I'm avoiding." He said moving his head between your thighs and teasing you through your clothing.

"How are you so sure?" You asked as you resisted all the feelings he was sending through you.

"Because dear you can't even think straight and I haven't bent you over my desk yet." He said standing back up leaving you aching for him.

"Please don't stop." You said looking into his eyes that seemed a lot darker in this moment. He began to kiss you as he undressed you and you unbuttoned his shirt. He grabbed you by your hair to turn you around and bent you over his desk. You felt his body against you before he leaned down to whisper in your ear he took a deep breath and then he let you go and walked away sitting on the sofa opposite the desk while saying "I can't do this."

You turned around in confusion to see him buttoning back up his shirt, you quickly fixed yourself before questioning him. "What do you mean you can't do this? You started it!" You attempt to protest.

"and I'm ending it."

"So what happened to wanting to bend me over your desk?"

"I can't, I care about you too much. I don't want to throw you around this room like an object of desire. Don't get me wrong I do desire you, and you do something to me when you out me on the spot in public like that but I can't treat you like this."

"What if I want you to treat me like that?" You asked afraid of moving anywhere closer to him in the room.

"Then you don't understand your own worth." He simply stated.

"So now you won't speak to me or even sleep with me anymore?"

"You know I think it was William Blake who said sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires."

"Well if you studied Blake like I did you would know Blake is telling you to act on your unacted desires, unless you're telling me you would rather kill a infant in its cradle than kiss me again."

"You've got it wrong dear. I may have been homeschooled by my parents but don't underestimate how many hours I spent reading. The enacted desires are the things you should murder. If you nurse them, they must be in a cradle. They are the baby in a cradle so strangle your unacted desire, don't act on them."

You felt almost embarrassed at you pointing out school, you didn't know he was homeschooled but it made sense with his condition and the fact they moved constantly, it added up and now not only were you angry at Remus for his recent actions but you felt guilty for your own words. You didn't reply, the silence was thick before Remus breathed heavily and continued to speak.

"Therefore it's time for me to strangle mine, if you remember the day we went to the British Museum I asked you to promise that if you developed any strong feelings for me to tell me so we could cut it off before either of us gets hurt." He said and you nodded slowly to show you're following along. "Well I may have not been too truthful and I feel neither have you, and it has resulted in us both becoming victims of our own misfortune."

"Are you saying you have strong feelings for me Remus Lupin?" You asked feeling both nervous and excited.

"Not exactly, what I'm saying is there was a line that I tried to set and I believe somewhere that line became blurry. So after you left on my birthday I decided to establish that hard line again. I decided we will stop sleeping in my bed, we will stop all the cuddling nonsense and all the softness. However I simply can't do that Y/N, I can't be as stern and strict as I want to be with you."

"That's okay, I want to cuddle with you."

"I'm aware however I told you that day, I would like to take you on dates, I would like to walk around and hold your hand, I would like to bring you to see my friends especially during my birthday but we can't do that, I told you it will hurt to not be able to live in public, I didn't want to risk the pain for you. You deserve so much more than this." He looked weak.

"Can you not tell you're what I want no matter how many times you deny me?" You were almost in tears.

"I simply don't believe you understand what you're signing up for with me, and it's emphasised by you asking me to take you on dates, to go see Sirius, to go to my cottage. I always told you those weren't options with me especially while you study here but you didn't listen." He was angry but also frustrated like he was mainly fighting with himself.

"What if I didn't study here?"

"What? Y/N don't try and ruin your education?"

"No, as in when I finish. What happens then?"

"Then we're free, but then you have the burden of being associated with me. I fear that the stigma attached to me will affect you before you even have a chance to become the amazing witch you can be."

"I don't care." You simply shrugged. "But would you take me on dates?" You asked and he thought for a second.

"Of course if you're not my student there no reason not to." He replied thoughtfully.

"Would I be able to visit Sirius with you?"

"It would be encouraged." He replied instantly.

"Okay, then we'll continue this whole conversation when I finish."

"So what happens now?"

"You tell me, you're the one who knows what's best for me." You said and he laughed for the first time since you entered this room. "Touché."

"I think we hold off for a little bit, you're right you know, I'm not being truthful about how attached I am to you. And I haven't been really seeing my friends this year because all I can think about is you." He gave you a sad but understanding nod. "So I think I should come here less, but I don't want to stop coming. Maybe we become a bit more casual, see each other every so often, I'd still like to be able to come for tea, listen to music and sometimes kiss you if that's okay."

"It's always okay." He said with a soft pained smile.

"Okay, so we do that, and when I finish school you can ask me out and show me what dating Remus Lupin is like, deal?"you put your hand out for him to shake.

"Deal." He said reaching out to shake your hand. "Would you like to stay exclusive still?"

"You don't?" You were caught off guard.

"No I do, but I'm not in my last year of school, I'm asking you?"

"I don't think I would be comfortable finding out you're kissing someone else, so could we please stay exclusive even if we don't see each other as often?" You asked nervously.

"Of course dear, now what would you like to do stay here with me today or go back to your friends I won't be offended if you leave right now."

"I'd like to stay." You said and he reached out his hand to pull you to sit beside him.

"I'm very proud of you for putting your foot down like this, don't get me wrong it hurts to know I'll see you less but I think you've acted more mature than me in all this."

"If we had it your way we would still be smoking and flirting on the bridge." You pointed out as Remus put and arm alright you and got comfortable making him laugh. You felt safe, and like you made the right decision. You hoped.

NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote

A/N: sorry for the angst I had to do it.

Tags (if you aren't here but want to be leave a reply and I'll add you or DM me to get removed):

@thesoundresoundsecho @ahoyyharrington @merleisapartygod @sting-0f-ennui @starchaser-lily @ashisabitgay @livingordeadwhoknows @v0relino @evie-beanie @whotfskai @admiringyou @lily-mylove @kirubi @ghostbandghostcodghostface @rockymiles @99tech99 @almizz1

@standepechemode @lovingdilfss @artvoyager @sofacover @bubblegum9468 @spidermansolosurfav @harleyanderson2004 @kissmeunicornbaobei @marine-mayday @beelzebzb @universallyblizzardlove @liv2post @amoraneuro @xluansstuff @sizzlingthingnerd @bethsvrse @mrsgweasley @that1nerd-20 @juuleesa @idek-what-to-put @itsmynothing @marriedtoremuslupin019 @lolwey @tiedyedghoulette @jvlka18 @ivet4 @ss28

#remus lupin x reader #student x teacher #teacher! Remus Lupin #professor lupin x reader #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #remus lupin #the maruaders #harry potter #remus love you #secret smokes #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin imagine #the marauders #sirius orion black #remus lupin smut #remus x reader #remus john lupin

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jomamaofficial · 4 months

Text

A Hero's Burden (Midoriya x GN!Reader Angst No Comfort Oneshot)

A/N: FIRST OF ALL, SPECIAL THANKS TO @caramello07, BECAUSE THIS ABSOLUTE LEGEND HAS BEEN HELPING ME CREATE THE PLOT AND BETAREADING MY WORK. LITERALLY, BESTIE, YOU'RE A REAL ONE 🫶🫶.

Hello hello my lovely readers! Thank you for being patient with me. My exams are around the corner so I have been so, so busy with that. But I always pop in to see you guys leave the most beautiful feedback and comments, it makes my day <3. I hope you enjoy this just as much as I did. I really put my heart and soul into this one.

Please let me know whether I should lowkey create a YouTube channel where I read out my work the way I intended to.

As always, my Ask Box is open for any requests or just a conversation. I absolutely adore all of you, and I want to take this time to thank you guys for your support. Seeing your comments and messages motivates me to write :) <3. Please remember to take care of yourselves, and enjoy. As always, I would love to see your thoughts in the comments :).

TW: Death and bleeding, SUICIDAL themes.

CW: SPOILER: Season 6, Izuku’s Vigilante arc, swearing, difficult friendship dynamics.

Masterlist

Word Count: 3242.

Summary: Heroes always win. Every folktale, every comic, everything in our life tells us the same thing: good reigns over evil. But the harsh truth comes crashing down in a dark warehouse, where the facade of invincibility crumbles. Amidst the shadows, surrounded by those who once vowed to protect, you can only helplessly watch as your best friend, Midoriya Izuku destroys himself under the weight of this flawed, and broken system. With the entire hero society relying on him, how can he stop giving everything he has? In a world where heroes are human and kindness is a liability. You try to help him, yet even the strongest bonds can shatter under the weight of despair.

——————————————————————————————————

How does it feel?

When everything in front of you disintegrates into pieces, whilst you can only sit there and watch?

It feels like a dark warehouse. Cold and wet.

Sunken in, casting a dark shadow, impersonating the night sky, your eyelids were heavy, succumbing to the shared lethargy that lurked in the heavy air. Your brain did not allow you to rest however, listening only to your palpitating heart, because what if the villains found you whilst you were fast asleep?

Heroes were there to protect you.

But why were you still so afraid? The nation's best heroes had congregated together, sharing the same space as you, breathing the same air as you.

They would never let harm come your way– it was their duty to protect you.

So why were they hiding from that harm, sitting with their knees held close to their chest?

Heroes were there to protect you, but that claim was voiceless in the presence of reality: heroes were hidden– whispering and begging the ground to stay silent as they shuffled in the shadows. Villains ran loose– mocking the hopeless souls that they trampled on, with every free, and unabashed step they took.

Death had not only taken multiple heroes on the battlefield; it had also snatched their facade.

They were not invincible. They were not untouchable.

The world had just forgotten that their heroes were only human after all.

A phone rang.

Roaming eyes halted. They could not speak.

“It’s mine”, Hawks said.

Breaths were held.

“It’s from All Might”.

You leaned in closer.

“Midoriya-kun came into contact with the second hired gun.”

Your chest ceased to move.

“...and he won instantly.”

“Young man-”

“He didn’t have any information.”

The sky wept.

The moon and stars had masked themselves under the darkness that shrouded the city. If they could not see you, they could not harm you.

Toshinori Yagi had just watched the last remains of Midoriya Izuku’s innocence drain into the gutters of Musutafu.

“He might explode too. Be careful.”

He felt the impact of his student’s departure faster than he could comprehend. Therefore he took the chance to call after Midoriya, summoning the scarce energy he had left, ignoring the rising threat in his weak chest, which was ready to surrender to the bloody phlegm building inside of him.

“Wait a minute!” Toshinori ran after him– though Midoriya had only moved for a second.

“Food!” he gasped, his hands lifting a box wrapped in a blue cloth. ““Please, my son, you haven’t eaten…”

His hands tightly grasped around the soft, crisp fabric that was decorated with orange carrots, and white bunnies with pink noses. When he first saw it, Toshinori chuckled to himself before deciding to buy it– this was made for Midoriya, his rising hero, the purest of hearts.

“All Might.” Midoriya did not look back. “I’m fine now. You don’t have to follow me.”

Toshinori’s shoulders slumped down and his brows lowered, pulling closer together. Midoriya was walking away from him without a second glance.

Midoriya had not met his eyes once today.

“I am fine now.” The wind howled louder than his voice, unconvinced.

“Young Midoriya, please...”

The energy around Midoriya had increased, visible power– venomous and hostile– overflowing from his tense body that was moments away from breaking.

Toshinori had to stop him. Or history would repeat itself.

“Midoriya, please, don’t d-”

“I can move at the same level as your 100%...” Midoriya whispered, more to himself than to anyone else. “You don’t have to worry…”

His tattered clothes soaked in the rain, his sound of his heavy steps getting quieter and quieter.

“Please”, Toshinori begged, “wait a minute…”

But before he could finish his heart’s plea, the one who it was meant for had already left, pushing everything away, leaving everyone he had burdened in the dust.

The lunch that his mentor had lovingly made for him now belonged to the sidewalk and the merciless rain. Soon, it would also flow into the gutters of Musutafu.

The warehouse door crashed open.

“Midoriya is nowhere to be found!”

All Might ran in, his hands against his knees, gasping for the still and stale air.

“He-” he huffed again, regaining his breath,” he, he left… I tried to contact him. Phone… off… he’s nowhere to be found… sent class after him… didn’t find him either”

Your eyes twitched at the blank stares that his words had harboured. No one batted an eye.

They were too busy counting the days until they would be found by the real threat.

All Might’s concern for Midoriya ran thicker than blood. And had you looked past those deep-set eyes, you would have noticed the faint veins that bordered his gaze; something was stolen from him. Midoriya had been stolen by the expectations of the world, held hostage in his own mind.

“I know where he is.”

Orudera Chūgakkō. Memories had been etched into the red brick walls. You pushed against that same black gate, its groans and creaks forming the haunting symphony that would promptly begin at eight o'clock sharp.

Lessons would start at eight-thirty, and the low murmurs of the class would subside as your sensei would come in, dropping her bags next to her desk. You would all stand up together, reciting the same monotonous ‘Good Morning Shima-Sensei’ before sitting back down. If she was in a good mood, the class would commence. But if she was (more likely than not) in a bad mood, the entire class would get a scolding.

“You cannot wish your teacher a pleasant good morning, but you can chat to your friends with double the energy?! Do that again. Now! Show me some respect.” And you would all stand for another five minutes, smirking and giggling, repeating it again.

What once felt like a tedious task now brought a smile to your face as you reminisced about the moments spent in the classroom before you.

Birds would chirp, filling the classroom with a sonorous melody. The walls would be decorated by the younger children who drew rainbows and flowers and butterflies with every colour they could get their hands on. There wasn’t a speck of grey or black found in these drawings.

It was so fun to be a child– just a few years ago, your life was filled with colour.

Everything now was grey and bare.

At ten o’clock, the bell would ring and children would scream as they ran towards their friends, ignoring the poor teachers who repeated: “children, please don’t run in the hallways, children please, you may get hurt!”

The large corridor was so full with a sea of chuckles and laughter.

Today, undisturbed dirt coated every surface on the corridor. A desolate strip led down to the most frequented stairs of your past. Its laborious steps led to a place that no student visited as much as you did. On the sixth floor, the rooftop brought you closer to the blue sky and the fluffy clouds. You and the sun would overlook the vast plains of never ending buildings, glistening under the morning glow. People would walk, cars would drive; the hustle and bustle of everyday life resided on the grounds below you. So how could anyone truly feel alone? How could anyone ignore the true beauty of your favourite spot in the whole school?

You now understood that beauty was in the eye of the beholder– the painful truth.

Sleepless nights were spent wondering, what would have happened if you did not visit the rooftop on one particular day? What would have happened to the nameless boy who had stood there, head hanging low, body quivering, feet on the ledge of railings.

Who could have guessed that this stranger would end up as the only friend you ever had?

You could recognise him in total darkness and in different bodies, for Midoriya Izuku’s pure heart could never change. It would always draw you towards him.

You ran up the swindling stairs, the steps leading up to the sixth floor seeming longer and steeper than before. Serenity only belonged to the past– this place brought nothing but a looming sense of dread, weighing you down as time ticked by.

The closer you got, the weaker your heart felt. You had read about it somewhere– our bodies always knew what would happen, so they could prepare us for the worst.

But the thought of losing him before you could see his eyes, your beacon of light and hope, would rend a part of you forever.

So you carried on walking, ignoring the foreboding pricks cultivating in your body.

Those eyes… you could not live without them. They were an open window into the bright and welcoming flame that resided within him. He would give warmth to those who needed it without asking, never expecting anything in return.

Kindness had no price.

So Midoriya Izuku would live with kindness in his heart, even if it meant that it would be vulnerable and open for everyone to use as they pleased.

Midoriya Izuku was priceless. There was no one like him in this world filled with deceit and hate. But the world did not like those who were different from the rest.

He gave and he gave. Yet what would happen when he gave every piece of himself to a world that never gave back? What would happen if he finally had nothing to give apart from his soul?

The world is cruel.

They would steal everything he had. And that is how you found him, through the already opened door, standing under the thundering sky that showed no forgiveness to the young man who would once smile at them too.

Tip tap, tip tap, your eyes were blurry, but not from the rain. They had betrayed you, yes your gaze. For the man in front of you was not the man whom your heart could recognise from afar. You were so close, yet your hearts held distances, akin to the stars. Blood wept, following the course of the pouring water, revealing wounds, neglected but vain. They cried for attention they would never get, as the man who was once a stranger, had become estranged from them.

“Deku…” you did not want him to turn around, praying for this to be a mistake. FOr him to look confused, asking you, “who’s Deku?”

This can’t be your Deku… he couldn’t be your priceless hero…

His head barely turned, but you caught a glimpse of his glowering eyes.

They donned an arcane mask of toughness. His front, unbreakable on the surface, yet unfortunately flawed. You could see right through it, uncovering the secrets that he hid in plain sight.

Immense pain had found an abode in his glassy, teal eyes; exhaustion chipped away at the shell that kept him put up to protect himself from the looming danger that would attack as soon as it smelt his foetid weakness. Midoriya let it happen once, jeopardising everyone around him.

He wasn’t going to let it happen again.

“Go away,” Midoriya cautioned.

His heart expended too much energy pushing everyone away. He could only hope that you would listen to him– he didn’t want to hurt you.

“Deku…” you pleaded, eyes misting over as you cautiously step forward, hands stretching wearily towards his shoulders, taking care not to brush past those fresh, untended marks that showed through the rips and tears in his clothes.

“Please Deku… let me help you.”

Midoriya stiffened under your touch, guilt overtaking his body.

You couldn’t be seen with him.

The eyes. They were everywhere.

They tracked his every move. And if they saw you now, he would never see you again.

You felt a strong jolt push you back into the wall, your head crashing against the stone walls, losing your grip on him completely. Your hands felt empty– he had disappeared from under your touch.

And it all happened so fast.

Midoriya stared at his hands, his blood fleeing from his extremities. The realisation slowly dawned upon him, raising his heart beat, shifting the energy around him– he was a monster. Mioriya began gasping for air, choking on his own spit and tears, his vision tunnelled in on the surface of his palms.

A monster.

That’s what he was.

Your body lay limp in the rubble of concrete and dust, you swore you felt something wet on the back of your head, but your eyes urgently searched for Midoriya, who was pale and frozen near the edge of the roof.

His feet began to sway, and his eyes began to flutter shut. You overlooked the jolts in your body for your mind could not bear this sight again. Despite the clear warnings your aching flesh had given you to rest, you still ran towards him, clutching his body before he fell onto the ground.

Only in your arms had the outer shell of this vigilante’s stone defence fallen, emerging a broken child who had just caused immense pain to his best friend.

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered through his dried throat, quivering as the walls in his mind closed in on him. “I’m so sorry, Y/N, I’m so sorry”, he repeated, again and again, trapped in a cyclical doom which served only to condemn him.

He was a monster– that depraved voice screamed.

He was a monster– that depraved voice echoed as it stalked him in the depths of his own mind, following him into his deepest, intimate fears. Clutching it, taking over.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…

He was disturbingly light in your arms; you just noticed his hollowed cheeks.

Midoriya’s strained forehead loosened as he broke down in your hold, tears running down his thinning face. Your heart beat alongside his, yet you did not dare to glance into his emerald eyes, for they had been robbed of their precious shine. You placed your finger over his mouth as he opened it to say something, a silent reminder– everything will be alright.

“Give me your pain, Deku, please…” you begged, stroking his curly hair away from his eyes. “I can’t see you like this anymore”.

A singular tear dropped on his cheek, stinging him with regret.

“You don’t have to carry that burden alone, Deku… It’s too big… too big to carry alone. You give too much, you don’t know when to rest. You break yourself, for people who don’t deserve it and you take on things bigger than you can ever manage! You think you can do everything Deku, but you can’t!” you cried, unable to stop.

“You don’t need to work this hard, Deku, you don’t. You’re forgetting who you were, Deku. You’re not indestructible! You’re not untouchable, you’re not All Might! You can get hurt, you- you can bleed, you can die for god’s sake, Deku, you can die!”

Your voice began raising uncontrollably, as you held his face, shaking him.

“You’re just a kid, Deku. My Deku… the sweet boy who I love. My best friend…” you grabbed his hands, squeezing them as you took deep breaths, your throat aching.

“But you’re unrecognisable now… You’re destroying yourself thinki- thinking that you’ll survive but what if you don’t. What if you don’t survive, and all of your friends, your teachers, your mom, they’re all just waiting for you to come back.”

Your eyes solemnly scanned his wrist, eyebrows furrowed and lowered. A litany of cuts, healed and unhealed, adorned his wrists, glaring at you. Your trembling fingers gently ran over them, hovering so as to not agitate them.

“But since you wanted to prove that you’re a hero, you go around picking fights that you can’t win.”

The scars on his wrist opened wounds of the past.

Your hands that held his wrist felt empty again. Midoriya averted his eyes from yours, before pulling his sleeves down, stretching the thinning material of his hero-suit, until it covered his exposed skin.

The rain’s sobbing grew louder with every moment that passed by in dismal silence.

“What would you even know about my life, Y/N?" he asked, his voice drowning in the cacophony of the storm.

Just like that, all of the progress you made had collapsed in front of your eyes. Midoriya had rebuilt the cage around his heart

“Deku, what happened?”

Your hands, which reached out for him, were immediately shaken off.

“What would you know about my life? About my struggles?”

His legs faltered when he tried to run away, cramping as a warning: Midoriya couldn’t move, he had used up all of his energy.

“Deku plea-”

“You said what you wanted to say, Y/N. Thanks for reminding me that I can’t let my guard down, even near people I thought I could trust. I’m not ‘indestructible’, I’m not All Might, I never claimed that. But unlike you, I have the world's burden around my shoulders. If you were putting everyone around you in danger, you'd run away too Y/N. But you wouldn’t know that because you're not the one giving everything your body can give, just to find out it's never going to be enough. You’re not the reason this entire city has turned into a ghost town. But what would you know, Y/N?”

He turned around, gaze hardened into stone.

“You're quirkless".

Blood rushed into your cheeks, your heart beating fast.

You must have misheard.

“You don’t mean that…”

He didn’t. The sweet boy you had met years ago on this same rooftop would never use that against you. He didn’t mean it.

"Now, I know why I was treated the way I was when I was younger, Y/N. The quirkless really don't know anything."

You couldn't have misheard that.

You had been beside his side to see every intimate detail in Midoriya’s life– every victory, every laughter, you celebrated together. Every shove and every taunt, you endured together.

“The Quirkless Duo, aw what are you going to do now? Cry?”

“I wonder how your parents feel, only having one useless kid that can never protect them.”

“Ya’ know, if you want a quirk, there might be another way. Take a swan dive off the roof of the building, and pray for a quirk in your next life."

We are born into this world completely alone. And we die in this world completely alone.

Only fools believe that they can escape that.

‘What would you know, Y/N, you're quirkless.’

You were truly alone in every stage of your life.

"You're becoming exactly what we feared, Midoriya.”

He stopped in his tracks, swallowing the rising bile that crept up his throat.

“If I knew this is what I'd get after standing up for you those countless times where I got hurt, where I got kicked and punched and teased everytime I defended you, I would have just let you jump off that roof.”

The wind wailed through the night sky, moving everything in its path.

“You're no hero Midoriya. But you’re right about one thing. You’re the fucking reason everything around you is getting destroyed.”

It was funny to think that their first and last meeting would be on this rooftop.

Midoriya looked at the world, greyer than it had ever been.

It had lost life.

He waited until he heard the door shut behind him.

This life truly had nothing to live for.

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changes-2043 · 1 month

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My rage to my family

The feeling of emptiness when I hang out with my family is overwhelming. When I'm with my friends, once I reach home, I feel so full and grateful, even if sometimes the interactions are empty. When I'm with my family, I don't feel heard. I feel extremely overwhelmed and tired. Anything they say sounds bad, and from start to finish, everything feels fake—it makes me want to throw up. I feel like I need to raise my hand and wait for my turn to speak, but I don't want to because then my family will say, "Why are you raising your hand? You could have just talked." When I get interrupted and I remind them that they interrupted me, they say, "You always talk." When I don't say anything and keep to myself, everything I do is met with, "Why don't you talk to us?" Afterwards, I feel so drained, but I keep pushing and then they say, "Why are you always whining?" I keep pushing and pushing, and they laugh and make jokes that I don't want to hear. I wish I could be deaf to their words, just as they are deaf to mine.

This is a rage letter.

Dad, why do you think I stay up all night? I don't feel safe in these four walls where you raised me. I can't seem to find peace. My safety is in the night. You are not a bad person; there are worse men than you, but I don't like you anymore.

Mom, why do you think I'm quiet? Because nothing I've ever said was heard. When we fight, I'm always the one breaking down and crying, and you paint me as the victim when in reality, I'm just a child who didn't want to be yelled at. I remember your words while you screamed at me inches from my face, and if this happens again one day, I will punch you with all my heart and soul.

My dear older sister, there is no question for me to answer when it comes to you. But the way you ignore me, yell at me, call me the victim, and act hurt when I say anything mildly true that is out of your control. The way you told me to "teach you to set boundaries" when you got hurt by unpleasant people because you gave your whole heart to them but not to your own blood.

I felt so great when you told me that my best friend looked more like my sister than you did.

When you and Mom made me feel bad because I was eating. You came into my room after i failed an exam and said, "Why do you always act like it didn't hurt you?" My answer to you was, "It does hurt, but what am I going to do? Give up? No, let's go for plan B," because that's how I've always lived. But you've stayed with me through a lot of shit, and I will stay with you through a lot of shit because we will never end up like our father did with his brothers, even though I think this will be inevitable someday.

And I should thank you too because if it weren't for the really good moments you gave me, and without knowing, teaching me how to set my boundaries and adapt to situations, I would not be the amazing and strong person I am today.

I really hope that one day I can stay as far away as possible, getting the care I deserve, the love I deserve, with the people I choose. Because I'm not a little girl anymore; I'm a fully developed person with my own mind and thoughts, and I don't want to be treated like an extension of you or a diary where you scribble, write, and read your problems.

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mistymem0ryy · 2 years

Text

Il Dottore x Reader

The Fall of Icarus Chapter 2 - Recollections of burned days

The reader is yet again gender neutral (I use some french pet names but they are given with the different manners of addressing for different genders)

Summary: Some recollections of the time spent between you and Zandik during your Academia years, from your Uncle’s illness to an expediction in the hills of Snezhnaya that shed light upon unspoken words.

Author’s notes: I know you all have been asking for a part 2 for this “series” and with exams and assignments I could not bring myself to write it sooner. I am currently working on a Pierro fanfic and some Kazuha stuff on the sidelines so drafting and creating this was quite the ordeal. I am prioritizing Chapter 3 (and probably the final one) of this series since Chapter 2 is mainly things that hapenned in the past... have mercy on me I am but a humble uni student...

{no beta we die like Zandik’s assistants}

Chapter 1

Word count: 3491

Fire banishes matter from existence, but memory, memory prevails among the ashes, it creeks and coils from within its own cadaver, it challenges the flames into an eternal duel.

You can feel the coldness from the unforgiving weather slowly protrude through your shivering body, you had previously prepared for this sort of situation but it is one of those scenarios that when found in actual practice instead of theory are more complex than previously thought.

Unbeknownst to your freezing body, the blue haired man that is walking alongside your frame, silently clutching to the ends of the thick fabric from your outer garments, finds himself cursing in unison with your shivering protests.

The matter of his complaints is quite different from yours.

Had the gods looked upon him with a different eye he would have received a pyro vision in order to aid your chilling body, to transform himself into your sole bringer of warmth while traveling the borders of Snezhnaya, he would have perhaps even used the situation as a scapegoat into your longing embrace, but such a thing would never be admitted out loud.

And yet no divine light emanated from the inside of his layering fur jacket, no sign or symbol of any gods’ approval, reminding him of the cruel present.

He had never been gifted by the Gods.

No matter how ambitious and deserving he was, it was as if the deities up above looked at him directly with sole scorn.

To believe that from all of the archons, the one governing the matters of Love would be the one to recognize Zandik’s greatness.

The only thing he could hope for was that the flames from your own intent would be powerful enough to purify his icy heart out of this putrid existence.

A fate similar to that of Icarus did not sound that unappealing after all.

“I think I can finally see the camp set by the others! Zandik hold on for a little longer okay?”

If any other person had addressed him in such a casual manner his facial features would have been consumed by a degrading sneer, but this wasn't any other pestering academic peer ready to drain his brains out with mindless chatter, it was you, the only soul he had found “tolerable” in the last passing years of his existence within the walls of the Academia.

The only sign that he had even been capable of hearing and processing your words clearly had been his slight push of your furry jacket, as if silently saying “I am here with you, I trust you enough to become my eyes. Do not break that trust”.

The plan that you had previously carved alongside Zandik during your voyage from the Academia’s dorms to the camp in Schneznaya’s southern border had quickly been thrown to the wolves and ravaged by their unforgivable teeth. Both of you were in your fourth academic year, which meant you would finally be allowed to go into a professional scientific expedition alongside some of your upperclassmen and actually put the last years of long lectures and cramming to the test of nature and skill.

You initially had the opportunity of choosing between 3 different expeditions and the one related with abnormal elemental phenomena in one of the borders located within the winter nation had stricken your interest. The moment you had your papers in hand you went straight to Zandik, who was as expected hidden within a smaller fraction of the left wing’s library surrounded by books concerning his most resurging obsession with ruin guards.

You decided that the most adequate approach would be to begin questioning him on what his choice will be, perhaps the one exploration in Natlan will have caught his eye-

“All of these expeditions are utter rubbish and I find no interest in a single one, honestly who do the Sages think we are? A bunch of fresh first years that will tremble at the sight of some unnatural fauna? For shame… ”

Your strained smile surrenders to an annoyed look that has slowly but surely become your signature expression as of late.

“The only shameful thing that will happen will be you failing this project if you end up treating it as a field trip, there will be older examiners looking into our every move and this is a unique opportunity to redeem yourself in the eyes of the Sages”

“Redeem myself of what exactly?”

Dangerous territory. You were aware of it. The subject of surging rumors was one both you and Zandik had silently agreed to not discuss out loud, it was the sort of thing that was unconsciously known between those that share a bond similar to the one both of you possessed.

“Look, we’ve talked about this okay. I do not think it was your fault, you simply happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, her death… it was a tragedy yes, but this whole academia is a social ecosystem of its own, people strive out of the failure of others and then hide it behind disingenuous apologies. Most of these people admired and worshiped you during first year and now with these rumors they see an opportunity to strike you down-”

“I have reassured you countless times that I do not care about what those brainless imbeciles think of m-”

“I know. Trust me I do. But this is not a matter of caring. This could seriously damage your career as a scientist Zandik, independently of how much of an excellent researcher you could be. I just think it would be better for you to lay low for now, after the whole thesis business that happened last term, i-... I got genuinely scared, okay?”

It was true, Zandik developed a new theme for his soon to be thesis after having his last one rejected, and it came as no surprise to everyone when the Sages decided that his new theme was as outlandish as the previous one. To add unto that the rumors of Zandik’s supposed involvement in the murder of one of your classmates wasn't exactly helpful either, the funeral had taken place some weeks ago but the masses of gossiping students did not cease from growing even during the Academia’s supposed mourning period.

There were interrogations, you remember clearly the moment Zandik was snatched from your side and led away by Sumerian authorities, the gaze that he directed at you sent the message perfectly “Do not follow me. Do not get involved. I got this covered. If you even dare to insert yourself in this mess I’ll kill you, bring you back to life, and then kill you again”. He did not exactly have a way with words, but goddamn those eyes could tell you a whole lot about whatever machinations were taking place within his mind.

Sohreh was her name. She had taken your place as Zandik’s lab partner during one of his research projects regarding the reverse engineering of ruin guards. You and Zandik had been planning that project for more than a year, but when your uncle was suddenly stricken with an unknown illness you chose to pack your bags and temporarily interrupt your studies to take care of him in Fontaine. Zandik had offered to send some expensive sumerian healers instead of you, but you stood your ground firmly, the only reason you were even able to frequent the Academia was thanks to your uncle’s generosity that paid for your entrance exams. You were going to go back and heal him back to health just like he had done to you countless times during your rather frail childhood.

During that period of time Zandik made sure to write to you nearly every day, even though the beginning of his letters were always filled with enquiries regarding yours and your uncle’s well being they quickly turned into long rants regarding Sohreh’s unprofessionalism and supposed complete inability to catch up with his chaotic process, even thought he would never admit that even upon written word.

“She insists on displacing important elements of my bibliography and is unable to catalog simple essays according to theme and density.”

“She is always late and treats my research as a pastime of hers. If you were here we would have been through half of the process by now.”

“She told me I looked handsome.”

At the moment you laughed hysterically from the confines of the Fontaine styled kitchen where you read most of his letters while preparing your uncle’s morning coffee, but your laugh was quickly cut short by frigid realization. It was quite well known around the Academia the fact that when directing oneself towards Zandik it would be wise to take into account every single syllable that leaves one’s lips. Being referred to as “Handsome” or “Young” were adjectives that the blue haired student despised ardently, when asked for an explanation behind his disdain nothing coherent came out of it.

You had known Sohreh, you were never exactly close but during your first year when no set groups were yet formed and everyone mingled in conversation without any boundary present you had found yourself in some rather… weird chats with her… Some would call her confident but you honestly could not comprehend the appeal of her loudness and directness, you never complained though, simply transforming your chats into smiles in the corridor to not even acknowledging each other if not strictly necessary.

You later found out that she had gossiped about your behavior among some of your peers, you did not took it to heart, you knew people like her and their overly sociable nature, she wasn't the first person that you had encountered that derived pleasure from humiliating others from behind the curtains and she certainly would not be the last. You had frequented various schools in Fontaine, and if you were completely honest the level of social nastiness in the Academia could not even compare to a common preparatory school in your home country.

But one thing was she annoying you.

Another thing was she getting on Zandik’s nerves.

Two awfully different situations with catastrophically contrasting outcomes.

At a certain point during your uncle’s recovery the flow of letters diminished greatly, until your fear and anxiety began to intermingle with each other after you hadn’t heard from Zandik in 4 consecutive days.

On the fifth day you received a telegram.

“The Furies have been slayed,

Icarus must not burn but his wings shall turn to ash,

The labyrinth deepens.

-Z”

You and Zandik had originally bonded over your mutual fascination with ancient myth, not only did he referred to you by the name of the fallen youth but you had both agreed to communicate in code in situations in which it was strictly necessary, like when commenting on a noisy classmate, when gossiping about an annoying professor, when attempting to bargain with a Sumerian merchant for supplies, when tragedy was amiss.

You quickly burned the telegram and rethought his words.

“The Furies have been slayed”

“Icarus must not burn but his wings shall turn to ash”

“The Labyrinth deepens”

Something was clearly wrong and your first instinct was to grab paper and quill and question him in regards to his absence until you realized that it was too late for that. It was as if your stomach had been emptied of all substance, an emptiness that spread and spread like an infectious disease, the last time you felt such a weight upon your frame was when Zandik’s laboratory caught fire and due to some anomaly in the design of the eastern wing from the building the quantity of toxic gas began to accumulate and suffocate your peers one by one.

Zandik was able to leave the building nearly intact and actually turned out to be the only one capable of saving the rest of your colleagues which allowed a subsequent ushering of the by then growing rumors. But that did not alleviate the fact that he had been locked up in a sealed laboratory that could have suffocated him to death in a matter of minutes.

You hurried those thoughts away and had made your decision by midday.

You had to return to Sumeru.

Immediately.

Your uncle’s situation had improved greatly thanks to your care and you were certain that he could take it on from here at least for the next few weeks before you return for a check in.

“Is it that boy again?”

“Who?” You were currently packing your bags and making sure your uncle had enough supplies for the next few days. Of course he had noticed your recent skirmishes, after all you did read some of Zandik’s letters to your uncle during his more conscious moments, he insisted on calling him “the boy”, no matter how many times you remembered him that Zandik was already of age and no longer the teenager you got lost with in the various corridors of the Academia during your uncontrollable first year.

“You know exactly who I am talking about… He always was… quite the quirky one wasn't he? Is he in any sort of trouble?”

You sigh and take a moment before answering. “I don’t know.”

“You know I am happy for you don’t you?” Where was this coming from?

“You are no longer in the risk of death there is no need to begin a sentimental speech uncle” You halfheartedly laugh while directing yourself to the man next to the open window that graces you with the view of rural Fontaine.

So many things were capable of bringing happiness in this forgotten town and yet his face remained strict, undiscoverable, as if hiding something willingly and fearing the outcome of its liberation to the world.

“I am not playing mon|ma chéri. You don’t know how grateful I am for you coming to rescue me in this situation… But I must ask you to be more careful from now on.”

You did not liked where this conversation was going, but remained silent in order to let him speak his mind.

“I remember how happy I was when you first told me that you had finally made a friend, not an acquaintance, not someone you speak solely to not be alone during group projects, but an actual friend. On top of all that you were studying in one of the best academies of Teyvat, you are my greatest pride and joy, ma vie…But I must warn you that I don’t like where things are going, every day so many talking and newspapers of fires and scholars dying unexpectedly… It scares me because you are there… Our neighbor Meursault, his mother… You probably already know but his mother worked in one of those fancy departments in the Academia, she died in one of those Ruin guards expeditions… Terrible, terrible thing…The boy hasn’t shown a single emotion since… People talk… Fear arises… I do not like where this is going, not at all… and that boy,well if he's your friend then i'm fine with that… but i still ask you to be careful that’s all…”

“The Labyrinth deepens”

There was nowhere else to turn, your mind was made up, and you quickly said your goodbyes to your uncle… This sudden sickness, the problems in the Academia, his fear, it all began to interconnect in your mind…

If you weren’t going to burn…

Then who was?

You were almost there, you could feel it in your freezing blood. Carrying nearly the whole weight of the full body belonging to an adult man was, most probably, not in your best rationally taken decisions list but it was the necessary means to an end.

And that end was only some meters ahead, you could barely discern some of the lightning up ahead, a symbol of civilization, of life, human life awaiting to aid you.

You hadn’t been talking to Zadik prior to this expedition. Even though you both seemed to be on good terms after your return his coldness towards you began to develop in parallel with the rumors regarding his behavior. After leaving the dorms and entering the caravans to your current destination alongside the other scholars it was as if a switch had been pressed and he returned to being and acting as your normal Zandik (how normal that is in nature is , of course, up to debate).

He talked with you through the whole voyage as if you hadn't been nearly begging him to at least look in your direction in the last few tormenting weeks. You wanted to yell. Ask him, no, demand from him the reason behind his sudden refusal to even direct his gaze towards you. But something told you that it wasn't the time for that. That it was better for you to gulp your pride down and allow yourself this moment of grace, you never know when those that you cherish the most are walking towards a point of no return, you let his side remarks and silly banter consume you, and allow yourself in that moment, to be not a scientist and neither a scholar, but rather a simple human all over again.

After setting up camp early that morning with some other students, you and Zandik had been tasked to complete some rounds around some nearby sights and regain some samples from local dying flora, during that period Zandik’s demeanor gradually become more serious and alert, you asked him for the source of his worries but he only limited himself to silently sushing you and continue on his path, this was getting tiring.

While having your attention grasped by some rather strange elemental residues near a cave you did not notice Zandik’s prolonged absence.

You only noticed his scream.

No matter how irritable, how enraged, Zandik never lowered himself to the point of actually elevating his voice to such a degree.

You had never heard him scream.

It was raw, primordial.

It was as if he was burning from the inside out.

You remember running hastily towards the source of that petrifying sound and the sight that you were met with reminded you of one of those blood soaked war paintings you attentively gauged at in Fontaine’s Art Museum during your trips with your Uncle to the capital.

The fallen soldier, glory destroyed, a reawakening. A resurrection.

Night was arriving step by step.

Zandik was trying to elevate himself from his kneeling position.

His eyes were bleeding.

You had one priority now and it was to grab Zandik, leave that cavern, and return to camp before the unforgivable winter night catched up to you. You reached him from behind and even though his body freezed for a slight second, ready to retaliate whomever dared to touch him, by the moment he noticed it was your arm reaching in his aid, he relaxed and allowed you to do whatever you thought fit.

You had no idea what had just happened within the confines of that cavern.

You did not see it but you could smell it. Whatever was beginning to rot in the confines of that cave you did not wish to meet face to face.

Just some more steps and you'll be laughing about it all.

Just some more steps and Zandik will be able to be given first aid and then explain everything to you clearly.

Just some more steps and it will all be back to how it used to be-

“Zandik”

A voice reverberated through the mountains, it traveled with the strong winds and reached you in no time. That was not the voice of a meager scholar getting used to the terrain.

That was the voice of someone familiar with the flow of air and therefore of sound within these grave air conditions.

“ZANDIK”

Was the voice getting louder or were you getting nearer to the source? You could feel Zandik begin to frantically pull on your jacket and you momentarily ripped your gaze from the camp and dared to search for the origin of that voice.

It was all beginning to come together.

Were you blindly building a puzzle all along?

You could feel your body paralyze, not due to the hours you have spent without a nutritious meal and neither due to the freezing temperatures of Snezhnaya, but rather due to sheer all consuming fear.

The type of fear that follows you for years beyond, the type of fear that haunts you in whatever corner of the world you decide to hide. You opened your mouth and remained silent for a while, until you couldn't even feel the words anxiously leaving your lips, as if in a rush to be freed from the confinement of your vocal cords.

You directed your frightened gaze towards the male you had been carrying around through the snowy terrain, no matter how many times you insisted on his adulthood and mature character to others, in that precise moment he looked like nothing but a boy.

“Zandik, why are those Fatui soldiers calling you?”

“And why is there a Harbinger among them?“

#genshin impact #ill dottore #fanfic #ill dottore x reader #zandik #zandik x reader #fatui #fatui harbingers #harbingers #fatui x reader #harbingers x reader #dottore x reader #genshin #sumeru #imagine #il dottore x reader #il dottore

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ghastlybirdie · 9 months

Text

Soulmate Paradox

(eventual) Ghost x Soap (maybe x reader?) wc: 2.9k warnings: angst, hurt/no comfort, character death, mentions of death, depictions of pain/anxiety/bodily harm (pls dm me if i should add more warnings)

You’ve heard of the soulmate paradox before, nearly every time any sort of hopeless romantic conversation came around it was brought up, the idea only ever taken as a myth or fear baiting to young souls. You certainly never took it seriously. The idea was beyond the laws of nature and logic, even the idea of bound soulmates were nearly laughed at by the younger generations if not for every well documented case of soulmates.

Ancient Grecians spoke about love in humans being formed by a body with two heads, four arms, and four legs; a shared form of true love to have with another, a perfect union. Until the Gods became irate with the power of humans and their seemingly limitless love, and tore the humans apart, tearing them in two.

It broke the humans, unable to live for long without their other half, their life essence draining slowly out of their wounds the longer they stayed apart, soon enough ceasing to eat or leave a single space and dying from a broken heart.

Throughout the eons humans were able to find their soulmates, an invisible red line- a lifeline almost- that lead to their soulmate, love finally finding a way to thrive in the despair. Many say that humans evolved to feel the emotions of their soulmate, feeling their sadness, their happiness, their pain. The pain was the strongest feeling, seeing as true elation, true happiness, couldn’t be felt until you were finally joined with your other, the pain a constant reminder of your emptiness.

Though there was a phenomenon that formed throughout the lifetimes of humans, one that was rare but indeed true to some and a myth to many. The phenomenon was named the Soulmate Paradox.

It is said that if one drifts too far from their soulmate, to far to feel their heartbeat in their chest, too far to feel their emotions, even too far to feel the greatest pains, and you will become- untethered.

You will feel immense emptiness, at least for a while, a hole where your bloodline once sat, and you will no longer feel. Not a thing. No sadness, yet no happiness. No pain, yet no relief. It was no longer a balance of life. It was grounded, a still object. A lone island sitting in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. Lost and alone.

You used to not believe it, not for a long time. Until you were rushed to A&E for severe stomach pain. They thought it was appendicitis judging from the patterns but when all exams came back normal you were bewildered to be told suddenly, “Perhaps you are… close to your tether? Could your other be close?”

No, that was an insane idea. Grossly unlikely and wildly inane to even suggest, especially even after the horrific bouts of pain you’ve had in your one hospital stay alone. You refused to believe it. Until it happened again. And again. And again.

The pain were all on different levels but they came unexpectedly. Some were months apart while some happened in quick successions. At some point, you stopped going to A&E and dealt the pain. Most times it was only a nagging feeling, a twinge of a cramp or soreness, but it wasn’t entirely uncommon to feel like you’ve been shot in the thigh or shoulder every so often. It wasn’t pleasant.

Which is why you ran away. You walked from your place of living, your job, your entire lifestyle, all in the name to be free of the nagging, aching pain that you felt so frequently.

At first it was unbearable. It felt like a weight sat on your chest when you crossed over into another country. Like the string that connected to your heart was pulled at it’s maximum tension, threatening to yank itself from your body with a howling force of agony.

But soon enough, with gradual ease, the pain lessened and lessened over time. What was once an elephant sitting on your shoulders turned to sore muscled turned to a gentle breeze on your skin turned to nothing.

Yeah, you felt hollow now, like a strong gust of wind could knock you over; like you were missing something important in your life. But you weren’t in pain anymore. You weren’t suffering anymore. You no longer wept from the hour long sessions of misery when it felt like your lungs were filled with dirt or your nose was clogged with gunpowder. No, you felt none of that anymore. You could sacrifice the taste of your favorite meals or the warm feeling of the sun, if it meant living life no longer suffering for someone else’s rash decisions. Someone who you didn’t even know. That you’ll never know. And that was fine by you.

Though, there were nights where you wondered where this mystery person was. What could be causing all this pain, ones that left you on the floor in tears. Were they also feeling the same? Did they feel when you bumped your toe too hard on the corner of the couch? Did they feel that time where you sliced your palm open trying to cut an avocado? Did they feel the pain when you got your wisdom teeth removed? Perhaps they hated you as much as you hated them, despite never meeting. You wondered if they thought about your existence as much as you thought about theirs as you lay in your lonely room, cold in a bed far too big for you.

Even after all this time being away from home, having left it all behind, despite wanting to leave, you couldn’t close your ears to all the talk of love. You couldn’t cover your eyes to all the pairings of people looking to each other longingly, holding their half as close to their body as their limbs would allow, melting into each other into a perfect hum of peace and resolved longing. It made your hollowness ever the more laborious.

Even though you felt no pain there was a dull pang of want- need- sounding in the back of your mind. It left your heart beat a little less proudly, left your breath a little more shallow. It left you just a little more empty. And with each passing day, it became more and more difficult to ignore. At first it was easy to, then it wasn’t. And then it was downright torturous.

Perhaps you made a rash decision. Maybe you shouldn’t have left. Was all the pain that you endured truly as bad as being left as less of a person as you were now. Your new home wasn’t warm, it was bitter and void of personality. Even your food was just enough to feed the cells that functioned your body, your sense of taste long deprived of anything good. Not even seasonal candles could make up for the loss of color in your life, leaving you in some bleak dystopian hole that you called your apartment.

It was agonizing. It was… Painful. Far worse than what you endured before. At least then, the world was full of thought and wonder. Now it was just… Grey.

So you decide to go back. It couldn’t hurt. Not like it did now. All the silly little jokes of myths and soulmates were nothing more than immature ramblings of your younger self, blind to the world and the joy that a soulmate could bring. To think that you were so close to your soulmate as to even feel what they felt, all the way down to their sore muscles and aching bones. You miss it, even from the previous pain, you missed it so so much. It made you feel foolish. You were so close and your fear of whatever this soulmate- your other half- was made you flee. And now your life was a colorless book full of dust and yellowed with forgotten age.

So you decide to go back. Back home. Back close enough to where you can feel your heart pang again with an ache that was familiar and missed. You wanted to feel the tether revive on your heart again.

You wanted to feel your soulmate. Despite it all, you wanted it. Now, more than ever, you needed it. You need them, whoever they may be. Perhaps that’s why soulmates are so strong, why they call it a lifeline. Your life and the world around you depends on it, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t avoid it.

You gather and pack your belongings, you eat the last of your flavorless food, and you go. You go back to your life where you can taste food, see colored lights, feel warmth again. And you hope, with need filling your heart for the first time in… forever, that you will finally… finally meet your soulmate.

Your other.

Your love of your life.

Ghost woke up in a violent, cold sweat. His body shaking so harshly, so fiercely that the other soldiers in the safehouse thought he went into a seizure, turning him over to his side with great resistance of the masked lieutenant.

He sputtered gibberish as chills and fire racked through his body simultaneously, his tongue mashed between his teeth and throat closing when air wouldn’t fill into his lungs. From the outside it did look like a seizure, it acted like one, but to Ghost it felt like something just tore out of his chest, a gouging hole where his heart should be. It was like a pain he’s never felt before. It was new, it was unfamiliar, and it was terrifying.

He’s felt pain before. A bullet would in the leg or shoulder, a million bruises left on his body, a lifetime worth of scars to share to no one. But this? It was ungodly, otherworldly. And it terrified him when the feeling reach a crescendo, one that he thought he’d die from, until it was just… Nothing.

Ghost felt an unimaginable pain that one could never never forget. And now he simply felt nothing.

He chose his call sign for the fear he could strike in a person. For the life he lived and crawled out of. But now, now more than ever, it truly felt like one. Like a ghost. And it gave him fear.

He blinked there on the floor of the safehouse, staring at a concrete ceiling for what seems like forever. And he blinked again, this time much longer, until he was staring at the ceiling panels of some white room, the scents around him sterile and clean yet stuffy.

The medbay.

Instinctively, like the answers would be there, Ghost reached for his chest, hand landing over his heart, fingers feeling the telemetry electrode stickers stuck across his chest. Feeling for where the hole would be. The one he knew was there.

His thoughts were interrupted when chatter filled the room, two nurses coming in with conversation shared between them. Ghost picked up very little, focused on trying to solve the confusion he held inside as he tried to solve the puzzle.

He hasn’t felt a ping of wanting or need for so long, the distant feeling of a tether having long gone slack. His sense of taste and feelings were never quite the same since then, but MREs were hardly edible let alone tasteful, and he knew every groove of his gun to know where to place his hands the moment he held it, the lack of fine tune feelings were hardly a concern of his. So the slack left in his heart- in his soul- was nothing more than the left over of his humane soul.

And now it’s come back to finally give back on all the lost time. But this felt different. This felt… final.

He was left untethered. And now there was a leak in his very being, slowly draining him. The pain he felt was nothing more than the last attempt to keep even a weak connection to his other. But it was no use. They were gone and he was left alone, his open wound now bleeding with no tourniquet, left to fester and writhe into nothing.

He thought it was foolish, amusing the rumors and legends of soulmates, of your other half. But as he rested in the medbay bed, staring at the sterile ceiling, he couldn’t ignore the cold feeling filling into the marrow of his bones, flowing into his bloodstream, a wave of nothingness filling into every crack and crevice of his body and soul.

Ghost has felt nothing before. Just earlier that day he felt very little in his mind and heart. But this was far different. This felt like being detached from a space shuttle and left to drift in space, spinning in a limitless direction, never knowing when your oxygen would deplete and the vacuum of space punctured through your suit and froze your skin and boiled your blood. Drifting. Waiting. A demise surely imminent.

Ghost was never afraid of nothing before, how could you be when you never knew what nothing truly was. It was unfathomable. Unobtainable.

Yet here he was, in the unfathomable and unobtainable. Never knowing how he truly got here.

Never knowing that the nurses that soon tended to him held the simple answer, one that would never be connected back to him and his other. His soulmate.

You died. Over the Atlantic ocean, almost on your way home. Almost there to where you belonged. Until an engine failure on the plane turned dire, plummeting you and every passenger on board to your death.

You wished you could tell someone. Anyone. What happened to you; where you were going, why… to who. But now you stand in some misty haze, trying to find a break in the fog of confusion, trying to find footing in the void filled sea encasing your thoughts.

It’d take you a while. You didn’t understand where you were, no less who you were looking at. A rugged man was all you could see in the haze, body illuminated by dingy yellow lights, black makeup shrouding his eyes being the only features you could make out.

You’ve never seen a person like this in your entire life, especially not someone so large and rough, but by the way your eyes watered but never cried, and your rythumless heart aching painfully, you helplessly reached out to the man before you, mind endlessly racing to try and finally piece together that he was the one you were seeking for such a bittersweet, short time. The torn and frayed tethered attached to either of you evidence of your once connection, now lost… Forever.

You died and now you stand stuck by some force to the person you sought after, even for the short time that you did, your hand phasing through his person whenever you tried to reach for him. A ghost to hover and haunt, still stuck to your soulmate but never reaching.

You never believed in the Soulmate Paradox, there were no evidence of it ever being a thing, but some swore it was true.

That it was true that when one soulmate is too far, too far away to feel their other, and dies, the living soulmate will continue to live though only in body. The living other will slowly start to wither and fade, their spirit slowly dying as they cannot live without their other half- their soulmate.

And so the deceased soulmate will live as a guardian, a protector of their other half’s soul. It won’t stop the slow demise of their other’s soul, but it will slow it down. Just enough for the guardian to find another, another soul to fill in the gap, and make the living soulmate whole again, and in turn finally rest in peace.

But if a guardian did not fulfill their duty? If they did not find another to fill the hole left of their living soulmate? It was greatly assumed that the living soulmate will die from a broken heart, unable to fill the hole or find a new tether. And the guardian? The one who failed their bonded love? Their soul would be gone, no longer connected to their beloved other, no longer held down by the sheer will of love. And they will be unable to have a promised afterlife with their soulmate, lost to time, to the ethos, to the void. Forever and evermore.

You didn’t know when that would happen, when your clock will run out for you- for your other- but judging by the long time spent away from your soulmate and the poor condition of your lifeline tethers even while you were alive- neither of you had much time left.

Even though you knew so little of this man, who rested with a solemn expression permanently on his face, you couldn’t bear to think leaving this man- your soulmate- to such a fate. You tried so hard to reach him and was stopped by the cruel hands of fate, unable to do nothing more than stare at his form. But here you were now, next to him, and while your circumstances were changed, the need in your heart, in your soul, was the same.

To be with your soulmate, in some way. In any way. That much, in your heart of hearts, was direly true.

a/n: Im sorry, I rushed the end, but i was like a demon being exorcised writing this omg i thought about it in the shower and shared it in the cod server and now here it is

#sunny writes #cod simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x you #ghost x reader #cw angst #cod mwii #cod ghost #i should write a pt 2 to this

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pettypuppy-jonghyun · 2 years

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Ignite | Lee Felix

Summary: a fantasy au where Felix controls the power of the sun, and his lover controls the moon

Warnings: mention of death, darkness, a little angsty plz take precaution

Dedicated to Aly for all the support and motivation I've been given 💛

Song of inspiration: Ignite by K-391

••••••2329 words••••••

In a brick house with a wooden rooftop you can hear every drop of rain as it falls. The sound of it trickling down the plastic tubes set out against the sides, planted there to help prevent a leak, echoed in the small space. The wind pushed against the tarp that was put in place as a substitute for a front door.

It wasn't really a home anymore, could barely pass as a shelter from the rain, but it had been a home for someone long ago. A place that a family could gather every evening to share warm meals and laughter-things that sounded so comforting to me right now. A pleasantry this place could no longer afford.

It was far too cold to stay forever. My hands were rubbing furiously at my arms to keep warm as I paced beneath the wooden sheet that protected me from the storms wrath. A thin coat that barely clothed any skin was laying far from me, soaked in the energy-draining rain.

In this world, when the rain comes, our powers dim. There had only been a small number of storms like today that wiped the energy from so many souls, leaving so many people without a place to go and family to be with. This storm was destructive, and it didn't stop for days, taking away every person in its path. No one was spared. We had gone so long depending on our powers that it forced us to hide any spark of power in ourselves and abandoned our livelihoods, leaving many hopeless and lost.

It came out of nowhere. It was only a few days ago when I was back home studying for a final college entrance exam. My hair was bothering me a lot that day, so I wanted to use the moon's gravitational pull to hold it back. It was a petty and simple use of my powers, for how grand they really are. I didn't know then that taking advantage of it that day was all I had left. When I reached my hand up to snap my fingers and call upon the moon's power to my will, the lights in my house had gone out. I remember running down the stairs to question the blackout with my family, who'd already been outside on the porch before I could register.

The whole world was in a blackout simultaneously. Everyone was unable to use any power they had to keep the world running again, or else it was slowly drained from them until there was nothing left. Nothing of them and nothing of their power. The rain came soon after the sun went missing. It poured heavily in an instant with no way for anyone to prepare. My family went into hiding soon after.

"Where is the sun?" everyone asked. The life of our world revolved around the solar power from the sun, and without it, everyone's powers were all greatly weakened. Thus, a terrifying storm came brewing to suck away anything that was left. My family and I were separated quickly because of it.

"Where there's a moon there's a sun", they used to tell me all the time. I grew up hearing those words a thousand times like I brought the reassurance of the world's safety because I possessed Lunar magic. To those around me, I was the safety net they could fall on in uncertain times. But the more days that passed with no sun in sight, they began to lose faith in me.

A sudden harsh movement on the blue tarp catches my attention. I froze as I watched someone push past the barrier, barging into the shabby home and allowing rain in. My heart sped up from the fear of not being able to see who was in front of me. But the voice that called my name so sweetly put me at ease instantly.

"Oh Felix!" I cried out, reaching towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck. He embraced me just as tightly, squeezing me to his chest and burrowing his face in my shoulder. "You're alright!"

Felix pulled back, hand reaching up to tuck my wet hair behind my ear. His brown eyes glowed a brilliant gold as he looked at me tenderly. I knew he could see me perfectly, even in this darkness. Because he was the light.

Where there's a moon, there's a sun.

"My sweet love," he whispers. "I'm so glad I found you."

My head fell into his chest, his hand coming to the back of it to soothe me. I began to sob, fists clenching tightly on the lips of his jacket collar. The cold air made my throat sore but I couldn't pay much mind through my tears. I was so relieved to see him. He was okay. He was safe. And he was in my arms.

After a moment we separated enough to move from the tarp at the front of the house and towards the back where less water came through. He gently guided me by my arms while sitting us both down, never letting me go too many steps apart. His glowing eyes were all I had to see. I didn't want to look away in fear the light would leave me again and I'd be alone.

"You're freezing." His right hand brushed my cheeks that stung from the sharp air. "Let me warm you up."

Felix put his hands out like they hovered over an invisible globe. A yellow spark ignited in thin air, making me gasp. "Felix, stop!" My hand encaptured his to prevent any further action.

"You'll freeze to death if I don't use my power to heat you up."

I shook my head. "Please, I don't want to lose you. If the rain drains away your power you'll die. Felix, please."

He shrugged off my hands and continued to try another spark. "I control the sun, my luna. The only thing that brings light to darkness. I'm the reason this rain is here to begin with."

The spark created a sphere of power between the center of his palms. The warmth immediately radiated from its yellow hue, slowly drying up the rain droplets from my clothing. I sighed heavily, feeling relieved at the heat but still anxious about the rain. The storm clouds were still hovering above us. It wasn't safe to project power in such an unsecured place. Still, having him with me was such a reassurance in itself. He was my other half.

"Where have you been?" I finally mustered out the question, staring into the yellow glow with hazy eyes.

His gaze fluttered to my own, eyes softening. "Some things we are better off not knowing," he replied calmly, his voice not once wavering. "If I could tell you everything, I would. In due time."

Gently, I raised my fingers to hover over his glowing ball of heat. I had seen it so many times before over the years we've been together. To us, it was a great source of light when we stayed out late and wandered parts of the woods no one had ever been before. Our innocent memories of sharing powerful energy for the most piffling circumstances flashed through my mind as I now became so dependent on it. Scenes of us practicing how to use it in school arose.

When the tips of my fingers touched the protective bubble surrounding the power, the loud sounds of the rain suddenly quietened. The yellow hue pulsated at the sensation of my energy flowing into it, turning into an intense orange color. Felix rotated his wrists at the action, twirling the orb slightly before releasing it. It hovered in the air by itself like a miniature sun before us.

I looked up to the wooden plank where the leaks lessened. "The rain is calming," I announce, finding my heart beat coming back down a normal rate as well. "Do you think it will end soon?"

His beautiful freckles were luminated by his globe. The shadow of the light highlighting my favorite feature on him. The gold in his eyes less noticeable than it was in the dark. They met mine with a flicker of despair. He had suffered just as much as I did in this storm.

"My dear luna," he calls my nickname so sweetly. "You know this rain came because there was no sun, right? The storm came hurling into the world with no warning and took out so many loved ones."

My teeth gnaw at my bottom lips as I listened to him. "Felix, its not your fault," I pleaded.

He shook his head. "If the sun fades away, we are all left vulnerable. I'm the only sun this universe has."

"You can't control when your powers fade! You didn't have a choice."

Felix sighed heavily, grasping my hand in his and pulling it to his lap. He picked at my old nail polish softly. "When I left you that day, to follow my uncle, we realized something horrible about this storm. And my power."

I waited to hear his next words. I anticipated his every breath, too scared I'd be alone in the dark if he never spoke again. When my heart picked up, so did the rain.

"Where there's a moon, there's a sun," he quotes. "Because if there is no sun for the moon, the darkness of the moon shines the brightness. And the world is left as nothing but a black hole that everyone succumbs too. For the moon's only light is the sun."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I had never heard that part of the quote before. I tightened my hand around his. "Where did you learn that?"

"The old cave down at the end of the village. Behind the waterfall. It's walls tell the legend of the moon goddess who fell in love with the sun god. When the sun god's power grew weak and was on the verge of extinction, after a new god with the power of the sun was born, the moon goddess's heart hardened. She vowed to destroy the universe if the new god replaced her lover, because it would be the cause of his death.

Her darkness reigned over the universe for a century. Gods and goddesses of all different powers came together to end her destruction. But the only way she could be stopped was if her lover's light luminated again. So the new god gifted the power back to the original sun god, allowing him to continue to live. The pair were always together to keep the peace once again. If the moon goddess appeared, dazzling in the nights sky, it meant the sun was not too far away."

"The moon goddess's powers belong to me," I continued, filling in the blanks. "And the sun to you. That's why those who gained the power of the sun and moon were fated to be lovers until death."

He nods, patting my hand. "This means that you also have gained her emotions and strong will with the power. When I left to tour the world with my uncle, even the promise to come back to you was not enough. The moon goddess was unhappy."

I retracted my hand as a shiver ran down my spine. My stomach curled as I processed the information he told me. I shook my head a few times, mumbling words under my breath. It was impossible to believe. Accepting the truth when it's put so plainly. The disturbing reason behind such a deadly rain.

"It's me," I whisper in distraught. "I created the rain."

Felix's hand cupped my cheek tenderly. "You had no control over it, my love. Please don't blame yourself. It's my fault too."

"How could you say that? When you didn't know this would happen? I caused a blackout for the entire world!"

He smiled bitterly. "This is the curse of our love. If we are ever far apart, my powers fade and your darkness reigns. We can't control it."

Tears began to silently fall down my face like a river stream. My lips trembled in fear as another sob broke through. "What are we going to do?"

He pulls me into his chest, holding me tightly. "We can't change the past," he admits sadly, recalling the many lives that may have been lost. "But we can stop the rain now. The longer it continues the worse this will get. I'm here now, so the rain can be put to an end."

"My mother's healing power!" I suggest at the sudden thought. "Those with healing powers can revive the souls who were lost!"

Felix's hand came to soothingly rub my back. "Though their powers would be weak upon revival, they may be able to get it back. It might take some time."

I sit silently, peering over his shoulders and to the damp ground. My mind spun at all the thoughts racing through it. I fiddled at the nail polish Felix was previously picking at. My heart pulsated against my chest in anxiety. Although it was absolutely terrifying at the idea all may have been potentially lost, I could swallow the idea it was fixable. As long as Felix was by my side, it was all going to be okay.

His hand clasped mine at our side. "I'm here now, so we can stop this rain. And save the people."

I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. I didn't know how to control the storm, nor did I know that I even had the power to do so prior to him telling me. Still, I dug deep into the flame in my soul, calling upon the power of my ancestors to life and come forth. The orange globe reacted, it's light flickering over my eyelids. I mouthed ancestral words to myself until I heard the sound of the rains pitter patter come to an end.

#felix #lee felix #felix fic #stray kids fanfiction #lee felix imagine #felix au #lee felix au #felix imagine #stray kids imagines #fanfic #fantasy #lovers #sun and moon #magic #stray kids au #romance #skz imagine #skz au

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nsk96 · 2 years

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So, everyone, I'll be away for a while. Just thought I'd let you all know before someone thinks I've disappeared hehe :3

The upperclassmen and a professor at my school has warned our class that this semester is going to be extremely difficult. After the brutal exam I had today, I realize that I will have to drastically cut back on my social media use, almost like going on hiatus.

What happened, was that yesterday was a critical period where I was supposed to study the majority of the material for today's exam and instead, I spent most of the day glued to social media (and getting snacks🤡). I took a step back and wondered why on some days it's so easy for me to spend less than 5 minutes on social media, while most days it's impossible to pull away. I noticed it's because when I'm stressed and/or depressed, I get sucked into the endless scrolling. Like, it just feeds on that shit.

Since this semester is going to be nothing but a stressful and depressing mess for me, I will have to stay away as much as I can. That means no scrolling through Tumblr, Reddit, nor Instagram. I'll still visit to finish up my fan fic, Spicy Water, and try to clear out my drafts. I still got 931 left 💀. There are some of you whose fan fics (and fan fic suggestions) I have yet to read, and I intend on doing that during this period since reading is one way to maintain my sanity in the absence of social media.

But just know that I love and appreciate you all and you will be on my mind during this period. Feel free to message me any time, though my response time may be a little slow. You’re always welcome in my inbox (I’m also on Discord if you prefer: nsk#9480). Stay safe, stay hydrated, stay awesome 💙💙💙 @uncontrol-freak @kg-clark-inthedark @starsharks @rottenheartedchild @rurifangirl @a-chaotic-dumbass @anonymousgeekhere @deephumanoidduckdonut @spoopy-fish-writes @kikicocobell @koisheep and anyone I may be forgetting at the moment😭

As many of you already know, there's a lot going on in my life (personal rant. Skip this next part. I got too carried away but don't feel like deleting anything right now):

A cluttered home (because moving into a smaller home where my bedroom storage is cut in half and I now have to store things in my room that I'm not supposed to store in my room, but have to because my mom and I fear they'll be tampered with)

Living in a constant state of paranoia and fear with a narcissistic dad

Living with a mom who always has to remind me of things I don't want to be reminded of at the most inconvenient times (past issues, new issues, constant issues, and some things just too TMI that got me thinking like, "yeah, I didn't need to hear that before breakfast. Thanks. Now I've started my day on a depressing/or mildly disgusted note")

My mom's health not doing so great

My own health not doing so great (both mental and physical)

Falling behind on class lectures

Those two girls on my team who love to cause trouble for me on group projects

Overload of homework

Pharmacy rotation that takes up a whole day out of my week and drains the life out of me

Wanting to write fan fictions and my novels but not having the time or health to...so now it feels like my soul is dying. I don't know how else to describe it. When I can't write or even daydream the stories I want to write, I feel like I'm withering away.

And to be honest, the debilitating loneliness I feel. Wanting to love and be loved (romantically) and not having the time nor mental health to handle it. And the guy I'm interested in, seems so far away. Like, I want to get to know him better but he's on my team and it's all 'business' and he probably wants nothing to do with me after our team mentor had to call a meeting about our team's toxic dynamics (the meeting was called because me and another girl told our mentor about the toxic crap those two girls were doing). He seemed irritated and after the meeting didn't really talk to me directly much. Maybe I'm overthinking it. That's a big problem with me: I don't talk enough to people, I just stand there and think too much. And just...none of the guys I'm interested in ever seem interested in me. After my last breakup, it feels like the magic of finding out that your crush has a crush on you too, ended for me in 2019. Then there was this one guy my school friend introduced me to. He literally looked me up and down with a scowl or something. I don't know if it was the way I was dressed or what (I know some people hate anything that even remotely resembles khaki pants). Or it could be that I was taller than him (considering that I'm now finding out that a lot of guys are uncomfortable with their height😥). To put it into context, I'm 5'3" (160cm). I want to think it's my overall appearance but my appearance hasn't changed much in the past few years. Let me not get too much into that before my people-pleasing tendencies resurface.

Honestly, there’s just a lot of negative feelings and thoughts coming to my mind. I wish I could live on my own just for a little while until I have myself figured out. Unfortunately I can’t afford it. Balancing a job and pharmacy school isn’t doable for me because I need all the study time I can get. Just want to grow as a person but I feel so stifled living with my parents. I can’t even be out past 7pm apparently? My mom freaks out and wants to call the cops if I don’t reply to her texts within like 10 minutes. Considering her background and the crazy shit happening in the U.S., I understand but geez, give me some breathing room. I don’t know what changed…it wasn’t this bad when I was in undergrad. It was bad just not this bad. And this from the lady telling me I need to start thinking about dating and look around. How am I supposed to go out with a guy if you expect me to text you every 30 minutes now??? I was out with a female friend last weekend and my mom was freaking out so much. Texting, calling, and she even drove up to where we were when I didn’t answer her call. I don’t know what to do. My first step right now would be to get in contact with a therapist and look for apartments so that I can make a plan. Then look into financial resources. Hopefully I can do all that without my dad finding out. I feel like if I can get us away from him, she’ll feel so much better.

#pharmacy school adventures #tw narcissistic parent #tw mental health #mental health #mental breakdown #mentally tired

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sleepydepresso · 1 year

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Sooo, where should I start? Oh, yeah. So I made the thing. The "what if" scenario where Jack was trapped back inside the VHS tape and found by another person. I still don't have a proper summary for AO3, and I'm a bit excited and also nervous, so I post it here for a while.

Also the Mc I made for this fanfic was heavily inspired by the game Cat Lady a game by Harvester Games. Again this is just a fanfiction of the game Something Wrong With Sunny Day Jack by SnaccPop Studio, so that should be enough warning for kids out there that this fanfiction have some heavy themes and you've all been warned.

Hope you enjoy.

I blame Pandora not for opening the box; but for releasing hope. For having hope means yearning, and I don't want that. After all, nobody wants to fill a bottomless pit.

Pair of hollowed eyes gaped at her through the reflection of the mirror and for a moment she let her body freeze, letting the startling fear melt from the familiar pattern of molding her bitch resting face.

Of course, her morning will never be complete without the sight of wandering souls. This time the unexpected visitor is a ghastly woman that seems so wet almost like melting ice. Black tears flowed from the empty sockets, an endless pool of black, dribbling down, down, downdowndowndown. But her eyes refused to follow the trail lower than they should because if she shows any signs of response, the ghost will definitely stick around, and she didn't want that.

"Do you see me?"

A wet, grumbly, and unearthly voice croaked right beside her head, as the gnarly woman with eyes devoured by an abyss is now at her side. Close. So, so close to her. The haste move startled her causing her already tense body to snap and jerk.

She took quick action by rubbing her eyes with urgency like she got pepper sprayed.

"Ah, dammit there must be lashes stuck in my eyes." Fuck, fuck just go already.

But the bitch just stayed beside her, breathing right at her ear. The sound of its breathing is awfully similar to someone who has asthma but way worse. It's sticky and raspy as if there's a thick sludge flowing along with the air within the ghost windpipe as if their lungs were drenched with ooze. Drowning and suffocating. What a painful way to die.

Then she leans closer to the mirror acting like checking her eyes distancing herself from the horrifying breathing.

Goddamit, can't she brush her teeth in peace?

Then the ghost groans. What now? She almost gave in to the urge of rolling her eyes. Ignoring the sound behind her she carries on now checking her other eye. Maybe she should brush her teeth. It will leave eventually if she continues ignoring these annoying apparitions.

But then her hands slip upon grabbing the toothbrush. Ducking down she is ambushed by another ghastly figure crumpled under the sink. This time it's a boy wearing swimming trunks. White beady eyes stared at her, mouth gaping open and puking water as the boy starts convulsing, jittering on its spot.

She's already drained by this encounter. Who's next the father? Because why not? Is there a family gathering in the bathroom she wasn't informed of?

Begrudgingly grabbing the toothbrush near the feet of the kid she stood up proceeding to squeeze the toothpaste a little too hard with her trembling hands. And instead of screaming she shoved her toothbrush and carry on with her morning routine while now three spectral entities crowded the bathroom.

…

In her early twenties, … had a relatively normal life. Well, apart from how her own mother treated her, she had a life. Until she had not. It happened too fast. One morning she woke up weaker than usual, with aches all over her body that persist within a week thinking that it was all due to stress. The upcoming exam added the reason why she brushed aside going to the hospital sooner. And when the pain became so unbearable she finally booked an appointment only to find out it was too late. Nonetheless, it was already too late since the cancer in her body was at its terminal stage.

… would never forget the feeling squeezing in her chest while the doctor explained her situation. The feeling of being robbed, the life she barely started to enjoy, snatched by a silent disease slowly killing her as it grows inside her.

And then in her dying days, an unexpected thing happens. She woke up in a strange alternate reality as fuck up as it may sound and met a strange lady, the "Queen of Maggots" and from there everything went bad to hell.

Now, she has her second life but it cost her every normal simple thing she enjoyed before to be lost, tainted forever by the spills from her selfish desire. The offer of happiness was never granted to her as she was promised. Because after everything she did so she can have her pathetic life back, she knows nobody will ever accept all those atrocities she did. And that part of her is what's holding her back. That part will always be lonely, she will always be alone and lonely. Because she can't truly connect with anybody without trusting that hideous part of her.

Apart from being resurrected by a devil and did their bidding, she can now permanently see ghosts. Currently, the ability is the fucking bane of her existence.

… learned too soon in her resurrection and too late that interacting with ghosts was a messy business. It's like a side quest from a game, but a kind of side quest that chains with other NPCs. To make it short, the little side quest you accept inevitably never ends.

And that's the same reason why she was forced to GTFO from her hometown. She couldn't live with the extra burden when she was barely keeping herself afloat by keeping her fragile sanity intact. By pretending everything was fine and dandy but deep inside there's a rot breaking her from within.

… didn't wait for the decay to babble out from her mouth infecting those remaining people she holds dear in her heart.

Starting a new life outside of her hometown had never been a prospect for her before. Being a sentimental person she preferably stays in the comfort of familiarity. At some point, she even believed that's where she would grow old and die. Well, she did die. She might be breathing right now but she's dead inside. So it's only sensible thing to do was to move forward.

After a month of wandering and searching for a new place to stay, and while she was at it she was also on a job hunt. Finding a job wasn't the hardest part for her considering at the age of sixteen she was already working as a part-timer in a small-scale retail industry and dinners. Work experience backed her credentials up and she was hired as a barmaid in one of the seedy bars in the city.

She settled down in an apartment two blocks away from her workplace and rented the cheapest room available. Even though she had a sinking feeling that the room might be fucking haunted, it was the only place affordable for her current financial state.

Strings of smoke sway, swirling from the tip of the cigarette. The smoke she inhaled stung raw in her throat but she was so used to the discomfort the nasty vice inflicts on her. She took a little break from actually cleaning the place after her boss finally granted her a proper day off.

Staring off the city lights from the living room window she huffed the last hit from the nicotine stick and grind the cigarette butt to the ashtray she stole from the bar.

It's already nighttime, another dinner time slipped past by her time blindness. After making sure she closed and locked the window, she went back inside the other room she's been cleaning. Annoyance instantly hit her when random things scattered on the floor.

She stood right beside the door frame leaning her shoulders waiting for the cue of the culprit. Not a second later she heard scrambling on the right side of the bed. An exasperated sigh escaped from her mouth before pushing herself off the frame, treading towards the trail of a variety of men's sweaters and t-shirts. The content must be one of those boxes she pulled out from the wall cabinet. Well, she was about to check them after the break but the cat that her best friend gave her beat her first from doing the job.

The box kept banging on the wall as if that would help the feline from removing the box that trapped them. Aren't cats supposed to be smart?

Crouching down she removed the box and the cat seemed to realize its own stupidity when it froze. She starts picking up the mess when the cat begins meowing. Robin must have really hated her for giving her a broken cat.

"Look, cat. I know you hate me. I know Robin is a much better owner than me. I get that already, ok." The thought of her best friend stopped her for a moment. Teeth clenched so hard that it shortly ground from the force. Why does she have to do this to her? Shaking her head she carries on picking up the mess on the ground. When she checks on the cat, she saw it playing, pawing a VHS tape that seemed to be haphazardly crumpled in one of the sweaters.

Uuhm… ok?

"What you got there cat?" she asked as if the feline could literally answer her. And of course, the cat ignored her still pawing the tape. Upon closer inspection, it's one of those blank tapes. She remembered hearing from the landlord that one of the former tenants in this room was a… movie director? Flipping the tape she sees an ominous label written at the front.

Incident 84

Written in red ink. Well, you know what they say, red means scary right? Must be one of the props or compilations of discarded scenes, perhaps?

When she pulls her attention away from the tape the cat is now in front of her waiting and just staring at her. There are only two meanings why the feline stares at her with its full attention. It's either waiting for her to pat its head or something lurking behind her. Taking a closer look into the cat's eyes she recognizes the form reflected in its eyes.

The hair on her nape starts rising from the sight and the chilling sensation burns at her back.

She pats the cat's head in an attempt to take her mind off of another unwanted guest. "Maybe it's time I should give you a proper name." Then she scoops the cat holding the purring warm bundle of fur close to her along the box and walks toward the living room.

Ignoring the floating figure of the hanged man that continuously makes a choking sound and twitching, jerking, dyingdyingdying from the noose wringing the man's neck.

Closing the door of the second room the tension on her shoulders finally sagged. She can finish cleaning that room on her other day off. It's not like she has anybody suddenly visiting her.

She dropped the box on the coffee table before slumping onto the old couch. The cat stayed on her hold appreciating her mindless strokes. Her head drops on the headrest of the couch contemplating upon playing music loud enough to drown the noise coming from the room. But she doubts her neighbors will appreciate the music at this time of the night.

The quietness only makes her ache for those she left behind. There were no quiet moments when she was with them.

Her eyes landed on the VHS player gathering dust on top of the old tv the former tenant left. Watching films is really not her thing, she's more of getting her hand busy to achieve a mind-numbing calm.

But she's curious about what's in the tape. And she really needs something else to fill the silence of the place for her remaining sanity's sake.

Placing the cat beside her earned her a demanding mewl.

"Well sorry, bud. My body isn't your bed."

She'll never admit how she's actually liking the cat using her as a personal mattress. It reminded her of the rare times Robin would lie in her arms, a cue that her best friend wanted to be the little spoon for the night even if the older woman was taller than her.

Distraction. She really needs a distraction right now, before she melts down again. She starts setting up the TV and the VHS player.

Throwing herself back on the couch now wielding two remotes, she hit the play button.

Oh, oh…

Well, she wasn't expecting the tape to be too distracting. Yet, she didn't pause nor turn the player off, as the exuberant music jingles in the background, and as she endures the cringe of watching something focused on young audiences, the noise from the room finally flies away from her mind. It's working. The educational kid's show playing on the screen grounds her wandering mind, the mind that never tires of thinking too much of the people, of the past, of the things she's unable to be anymore. A mind too caring of others yet ruthless for always reminding her.

Sunny Day Jack

Uhm, is it just her or did the production of the show have a thing for buff guys? Year of the 80's sure hypes having broad shoulders.

At least the guy seems to enjoy his role and she can see the adoration the man has towards children that were with him on set.

Too bad the media nowadays is no longer interested in producing these kinds of shows. Or even care about building proper morals and right conduct among the youth.

The next scene played on the tv violently snapped her out of her trance after a scream tore from one of the children and like a domino effect consecutive screams ascended in the middle of hysteria. And in the center of the chaos the actor of the main show host lay motionless on the floor as the life drains out of him fast from the fatal injury.

The next time she blinks the screen of the tv is now showing a "please stand by" notice.

What the fuck…

Did that just really happen? But why? An accident? Was it really an accident?

What's going on?

Stumbling forward her breathing shifted as if the air around her became too thick. The coldness scraped her throat from each breath she took. The change of temperature in the room makes her feel like she was suddenly shoved inside the freezer. Violent shudders rake all over her body while she hunches lower since her upper body couldn't keep up with the shortness of her breath.

Intense pain throbbed at the right side of her head. The feeling of warmth leaking from her right eye makes her pull the hand clutching at the side of her head. When she saw no signs of what was leaking from her eye she notices the light illuminating the room is no longer pale white.

Blue. The TV is now bleeding blue light. While the static grows louder and pierces her ears, plunging her into a sensation of floating underwater. She frantically grabbed the remote of the TV pushing the power button.

But the blue remains, and so does the mind-bloating pressure ringing in her ears. She tried the remote for the VHS player after almost wrecking the TV remote in half.

The TV didn't stop showing the same empty blue and crushing pressure. And she realizes this must be what the feeling of sinking into the depths of the ocean must be.

Self-preservation kicks in, and her full fight mode throttle thanks to the sudden boost of adrenaline in her veins. Each distance she takes toward the wall is like pulling her limbs from the quicksand.

Fuck this shit! She didn't come back from surviving cancer just to die from a cursed VHS tape. Not today Sadako wannabe!

Upon reaching the wall she yanks the plug out of the outlet. Still when she turned around the blue light still stains the place like a murder scene. But the pressure, the ringing in her ear vanished, along with the feeling of haze and chill evaporated in the air. She confusedly stares at the plug in her hand.

What she isn't expecting next is the voice too clear and alive to be owned by a ghost.

"Hello, is anyone there?"

She's full-blown flabbergasted by the ridiculousness of her situation. Like, how the fuck is the TV still on? And the voice whoever or whatever the fuck might be must be a trap. She almost convinced herself that the voice is a trap until she heard it again.

"Please… is anybody, anyone around?"

The desperation thickly laced in the voice from the TV tugged at the part of her, the part that is still hooked up to the life support of her remaining faith, which is now stirring back to action.

After all the horror she witnessed and underwent, she thought the empathetic part of her was left in a vegetative state. She abandoned the hope that kindness still beats in her heart when her soul was now corrupted and full of regret, guilt, or resentment.

The wail of pleas continues while she makes up her mind if she will book it or check the TV.

"It's so cold here."

Still rooted on the side of the TV she stopped twirling the plug.

Cold

She knows that kind of coldness the voice was talking about. The kind of cold slowly made her will brittle, the trail of sadness dragged by her tears frosted on her cheeks—tears she didn't let anybody to wipe, afraid if they came too close she might infect them.

The cold now she wore intending to harden her crumbling mentality, too cold that those people she cared about were forcefully evicted from her life to seek another refuge.

She's been cold lonely for so long too.

Little steps, cautious little steps before she stopped out the edge of the tv, blue lights once again hitting her pale skin, encompassing her vision then her head turns, peering at the screen.

Huh?

It's the actor. Of course who else would it be? But his eyes are focused on her hand, the hand holding the plug.

Well, this is awkward.

…

Floating

This is how Jack spends most of his time in this dark static prison. Again. While he relived the times he spent with his sunshine. How her smile radiates like the first ray of light at dawn. Or how the sound of her laughs overwrites the static noise forcefully recorded in his brain for so long. Or how her warmth further cemented his existence. Memories of her are the only respite he had in this cold hell.

Jack misses her, his sunshine so much, so bad.

So what went wrong when he did everything he ever could? Was his effort not enough?

Wasn't he enough?

Why did she let them destroy the tape, the only medium he had to manifest into the world of the living? The only window towards his freedom was destroyed just like that.

Almost

He was even close, so, so close to obtaining what he desired. To be with her forever.

Did he really fail? Was it so bad to safeguard her from the filth of the world that wanted to degrade her further, eliminating those people that dimmed her shine?

He loved her. Wasn't that enough for her to make him stay?

Surely it's just a mistake. But the faint voice at the back of his head speaks louder in the drowning static pooled in his ears.

Crumpling himself into a fetal position, his gloved hands latch harder onto his arms, digging his nails into the fabric of his gloves. Grounding himself, his senses from the grasp of emptiness around him.

God, he missed the sensation of touching things, the warmth of the other person beside him.

Will he ever have another chance of getting out of this hell? He hugged himself tighter from another wishful thinking.

Drifting into this stagnant dimension, he let his mind sink into the pool of hissing noise shutting off his thoughts. He doesn't want to think anymore. Not soon after his eyes followed.

Jack no longer cares about the passage of time in this prison, or how long he let himself still. He stopped searching for a way out or bothered looking at anything in this void.

So when he felt a tickling sensation under his lids, it reminded him of abruptly waking up at noon, the sun's high with its scorching beam hitting him straight in the face(the memory he quickly buried deeper and darker than his prison).

Upon opening his eyes, right in front of him lies the familiar sight and he quickly leaps toward it. The window through his freedom.

Yet all his hopes are crushed instantly like the pristine stained glass of the church's window. An invisible wall stopped him from going out further. What's more, there is nobody sitting on the couch. The old couch owned by his sunshine. But where is she? Is she the one who played the tape? But the tape was destroyed. And why can't he just go through like he normally does? Why does it feel so disconnected?

Jack shakes his head in an attempt to silence his thoughts, he can think about it later when he gets out of this prison hell. For now, he has to know who played the tape first.

"Hello, is anyone there?"

When nobody answered his calls the desperation grew thicker making him tremble from uncertainty. The tension on his shoulders bloats as the second ticks by while he stares at the empty room.

In his next plea, he lets his desperation bleed out from him, dribbling out from his mouth. Like the cold is actually tearing his throat apart, a cry for rescue all scrapped out for screaming the word "help" so many times(only met with a freezing realization he is already dead, blue, and cold), and still unheard.

The hope kindled in his shivering body slowly dampens by the creeps of spindly icicles numbing his veins. This cage must be playing a sick game with him since he was so unresponsive after getting trapped again.

Until a ripple of another person's consciousness from the room nudges him away from spiraling into madness. It's faint and distant but he can feel their presence. Looking up again toward the view of the empty room there he sees the person standing on the edge of the screen.

The other person's movement is filled with caution. He couldn't blame them given the strangeness of the situation. And when the person finally stepped into his full view, the light of the screen surrounding their full form, the first sight that caught his attention was the plug dangling in their hands.

When they notice where he was looking at the person sheepishly throws the plug and proceeds to fidget awkwardly on their spot.

Why does he have an inkling this person, his new savior will be stranger than his sunshine?

"I hope you're not intending to kill me because of that," she said.

A shudder raked his back just hearing a voice beside his own. But what obviously stumped him from responding immediately is the way she looks at him. There's no hint of fear in her eyes, she's even standing steady on her spot. No signs of a flight response from her fidgeting.

Is that normal?

Whatever, he needs to say something, or else his chance of escaping his prison might be taken away from him again.

"No! No. I won't do that to a new friend."

Jack is trying his best not to wince at the incredulous look the girl gives him. But he is really trying here. The girl is just too resistant. He can't connect to her like how he easily did before to his sunshine.

"A new friend, huh?" Suspicion twined thickly in her voice.

Oh, gosh he already made a slip-up. But he doesn't have any choice anymore than to push forward.

"Y-yeah," great he's so nervous that he's stuttering now. "If you allow me, I can be your friend." He beamed her a hopeful smile, wishing he believed his genuine offer of friendship. And look away from the desperation in his eyes.

Her eyes softened from the hard scrutiny she is giving him before. Then her shoulders drooped along with the long sigh drained from her lungs. He just noticed how exhausted the girl looks now that she let the heavy stern guard hook on her demeanor.

She's crumbling right in front of him under the pressure of whatever it is that weighs her entire existence down. Along the dark bags under her eyes that appear to sag from all the tears wrung out from her. Or how he wishes he didn't hear the broken shards of her mask grate in her chuckle.

"Sure, I'll play along. So what now, skittles?" she said before taking a seat in front of the TV, amusement twinkling prominently in her dull eyes. It awfully reminded him of a child seeing something new for the very first time in their life.

Skittles?

Now he's doubting the psyche of the girl for taking this situation too well. Suspiciously too well.

"I need your help." Jack has a hunch that if he draws sympathy out of the girl there's a high chance she will only call him out from it. A kind of person who can tear apart the mask molded on his face, no matter how seamless the mask stitched on his flesh like his second skin.

The girl placed her chin on top of her palm. "Isn't it too early for you to use the friendship privileges?"

Although there's lightheartedness in her voice the underlying insinuation of her words makes him back off a little.

For the first time, he felt lost, helpless even when he can't seem to get pass through her. When his ability to influence can't connect with her. So he lets his desperation speaks for him again.

"I know…. I know what I might be asking right now can be too much and yeah, too early but I don't want to be stuck here. All alone in this hell. I even thought I'm might be dreaming or hallucinating when I thought nobody was initially there. I just… I just don't want to be trapped here anymore. Alone."

The silence brings him to the edge and he's starting to fear he may end up falling and permanently sinking into this pit of cold hell.

"Fine," the girl finally answered and shrugged her shoulders. "As long as you don't kill me and bother me like the others you're fine, I guess. The only issue now is how can I help you."

Jack didn't know where does the girl getting the level-headedness in their bizarre situation. It's like everything transpiring right now is her normal day-to-day life. But he'll take it, as long as he can finally be free in this empty confinement.

"I need to have your name."

"The classic, eh?"

He didn't know what she exactly mean by that since he managed to ask his sunshine's name in her semi-lucid state. So, this is a different experience for him. Knowing that the girl gave her full consent and is willing to help him, a fuzzy warm feeling spread through his chest.

"Anything else I need to know?"

Now that she actually asked the fear immediately consumed the warmth, the hope revived in him is withering again. But so far she's so accepting and if he wants to gain her trust for his future endeavors, he needs to be honest with her.

"You're gonna be unconscious for a while. I can't really explain the entire process but to sum it all up. Uhm, I hope you also don't mind sharing a piece of your soul."

Jack is already hunching physically and mentally preparing himself of her cutting this whole thing off. But instead, he heard her laugh. The laughter sounds airy like a soft breeze passed through the wind chime.

"That's all, skittles?"

The tightness in his chest eased up from the breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

"Yep."

Then he watches her walk toward the couch dropping on the cushioned seat. She stares at him for a while before her lips start moving.

"My name is mistake Narrale."

…

"You fucking mistake! I don't know why do I even bother with you."

Another cackle of hit resonated close to her ears, and soon the explosion of pain burst at her back like a firecracker. It burns and it hurts. As if the physical hit wasn't enough the words coming from her mother's mouth doused the already battered ears from the abuse she had to endure for the day. The pain continues blazing the more her mother spews (names and cruel words)gasoline onto the (bruise)firepit burning her alive.

"You're just a mistake! Nothing but a mistake I should have aborted when I had a chance. Why do you think I should be bothered appearing in that guidance council's office? I told you, didn't I? I fucking told you not to get—" she didn't bother hearing any of it anymore, as she crumpled on the corner just taking a hit, after hit from her mother's hand. The hand that's supposed to be caring inflicts pain on her instead.

Why does existing have to hurt so much…

…

The constant tickling on her nose eventually pulled her slowly toward consciousness and the dream drifted away from the dark corners of her mind, leaving the phantom pain her nervous system instantly recognized. Her body responded to the sensation by locking her body into a numbed state. So she just lay there all frozen up until the lingering feeling burns out of her system.

The purring under her chin revved up as the bundle of fluff tried to suffocate her from laying fully on her face. This became the cat's habit whenever she was waking up from a bad dream, the feline's automatic response was to smother her.

Narrale doesn't mind the change even if there were times she missed the warmth of her loved ones right beside her. Especially when her past haunts her in the form of a nightmare.

Her hand landed on her small sleeping companion, petting in appreciation. She seriously needs a name for him.

Name

Why did she feel like she gave a part of herself to somebody?

"Good morning, Narrale!"

The fried nerves in her brain burst into full panic mode making her jerk violently and scoot to the very corner of the couch while both of her arms cradling her cat in her chest.

Bombarded by bright colors fucking beaming at her eyes, her sight is having a hard time adjusting from the colorful vomit intruding on her apartment.

Why is there a fucking clown in her apartment! And he's freaking buff. What the fuck?

"Hey, it's ok. I'm your friend. I won't hurt you. You didn't forget about me already, right?"

She didn't miss the hurt slightly shadowed on his face when he uttered the last part.

Friend?

Her nerves haven't calmed down yet from the nightmare and she's still cowering on the couch. But she is taking deep breaths and the man in front of her caught on to her attempt of abating the incoming panic attack.

While she is easing her body that locks from fright, she keeps openly gawking at him. The memories of the night slowly flash at the back of her mind.

Sunny Day Jack

As her heart pumps at a steady pace, she finally blinks back into full cognition.

"I didn't mean startling you like that. Are you ok now?" he asked.

Nodding, she carefully puts… the cat down on her lap. This cat is really weird for liking being manhandled like a stuffed toy.

"It's ok. I'm fine. Err… I'm sorry but I can't seem to remember having your name last night?"

The man, uhm ghost clown from the VHS tape takes a seat on the couch at a safe distance from her. And from her spot, she can visibly see the excitement and enthusiasm vibrating from him.

"I'm Sunny Day Jack from the Sunny Time Crew. Well, you can just call me Jack."

Narrale finds his introduction weird. Like he wants to be known as this character he is acting on. If that's the case she will play along. Just like what she did last night.

"Nice to finally meet you in person, Jack."

He seems to appreciate her not prying or questioning his identity. When he graced her with a beaming smile. He indeed lived up to the persona of this sunny character.

Ack. Her eyes, he's much worse than Lu's bright and positive aura. She rubs one of her eyes while removing the sleepy furball on her lap. The need for her daily dose of caffeine calls for now that she's wide awake. And of course, the feline is already behind her mewling like an abandoned child.

"That's one needy cat you got there, Narrale."

Narrale ignores the incessant mewls of the clingy four-legged creature hot on her heels, as she carries on toward the kitchen. She was pulling out a cup when she remembered she wasn't alone anymore, especially when she saw Jack enter the kitchen. But her eyes scan the whole area again when she doesn't see anything, not even a wisp in sight she returns from staring at Jack.

"I'm making some coffee, do you want one too?"

Her head tilts to the side upon seeing Jack's obvious surprise drawn on his face. Then she just realized the man isn't entirely human. Can you blame her though she was so used to the grotesque appearances of the ghosts haunting her daily, that it completely threw out of her mind that this guy is also a ghost?

"Can you do that? Drink, eat, uhm body functions? Err, I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable with that."

"Oh, no. Not at all. It's only natural you question things, you're just being curious after all. I just… I didn't expect this kind of reaction." She looks up at him again, kind of expecting his next question. Of course, she's aware of what she's been doing. Then Jack meets her stare and she completely understands the uncertainty clouding over his head. "I mean I'm glad you're not scared of me. I really do, and you even helped me to get out of that hell. But why?"

So he's aware.

Her answer is instantly shake from her shoulders, shrugging nonchalantly before she focused on the cup she was making. "You should answer my question first, skittles. Can you drink?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll gladly join you for a cup of coffee. It's been a while since I had tasted anything…"

She ignores the mumbled last part of his answer, humming in affirmation while she pulls out another cup.

After she made two cups of steaming coffee Narrale takes a seat on the opposite side of the table facing her supernatural guest.

Comfortable silence fills the room at first but after a few minutes of savoring the hot drink, she knows her guest's curiosity is still unsatisfied. It's kind of obvious he is still wondering about her lack of fear from all the side glances he threw at her.

"Still thinking about it?"

"Ah, no. It's something else–"

He immediately paused when he sees one of her eyebrows raise at his denial. It's kind of hilarious how a big guy like him squirm under her scrutiny. And then there's the glaring issue he is a cursed ghost. But unlike those restless spirits, she sees every day, she considered Jack akin to eye candy.

A welcoming change from the grotesque visage of those spirits she saw so far.

"Living beings scare me more than a mare apparition, Jack." She lets her words sink in, taking a few sips of her coffee. The ghost she must be seeing are products of nightmares, but nothing more terrifying than the horror of human insanity can produce. "Besides I've been seeing ghosts for three years. The sight of them is quite to behold but they didn't bother me as long as I don't interact with them."

A fluttering chuckle tickled from her abdomen when Jack stare at him all wide eyes. The shock slowly came down but now he regards her more seriously.

"That makes sense. I still have some concerns though."

"Hmm, as long as it isn't about my mental health then go on. Let me hear your concern."

"Why did you help me exactly?"

"Didn't you claim I'm your new friend, last night?"

"Yeah. And that's fine with me of course. But how about you? Do you need a friend? Do you really want to be friends with me?"

Does she need a friend? Does she ever need someone in her life?

Narrale looks down at her cup as if the answer to those questions will magically float over the black surface of her coffee.

The thought never crossed her mind before since she was so used to people depending on her, not the other way around. It's her lifeline being able to provide, to help, be an immediate shoulder to cry on, to paint smiles on the frown of those who matter to her. Knowing that she was needed by the people around her justified her existence.

But none of them take a second to look back at her and ask what she needs, what she wants. Nobody asked for her approval. It's always been what's handed to her and she'll just roll with it since she never complains. She can't complain.

Beggars can't be choosers, right?

She clutched the cup tighter upon remembering the only person who taught her what boundaries looked like, what being respected felt like, and what real love was never in the form of a tight fist and suffocating words, but in the form of gentle caresses whispering appreciation.

Fuck, she missed Robin so much it hurts.

"Narrale I know we just met and our circumstances are rather unusual. I understand if you're still wary of me. But I just want you to know I'll be here for you if you ever need someone."

The loose faulty faucet of her overflowing emotion finally tightened. Lulling the crushing current into a calm stream.

Learning to wear independence at a very young age was like it was the only dress she had ever known to have. She wore it proudly even if the dress became too big, she thought the dress was getting bigger and bigger as she grew older, but the one time she saw herself in the mirror she realized it was only her stuck in an undeveloped body for wearing independence too early.

This loose dress is making her even colder.

Maybe that's the reason why she helped him. The prospect of having a friend she doesn't have to worry that death may rob him anytime just like how the disease stole her life before made it appealing to her. Well, unless Jack eventually wants to move forward to the afterlife, the unusual company may benefit her to fill the gap pried by loneliness.

Besides Robin told her it was ok to seek help sometimes, to want and need things.

"Thanks, Jack. I do need a friend right now."

The smile on Jack's face seems to influence her a bit, as a soft smile drew the side of her lips curving a bit higher. The heaviness on her lids eased along with the fuller breath expanding her chest as if she could breathe again after holding it for a long time.

Narrale just realized this is the first time she spends her morning coffee again with someone else's company. And the coffee tasted like the comfort of nostalgia.

A little seed of hope was planted within her chest. A hope of no longer being alone.

...

That's the end of it. If you manage to reach this far thank you very much for reading. I had fun writing this actually. But yeah, thank you again.

#something wrong with sunny day jack #sunny day jack

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