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aggieharkness · 6 months ago

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And in her arms, she cradled your heart Chp. 1

Pairing: Lilia Calderu x reader

Summary: It was a perfectly normal day at the shop, a tarot reading here, a book there, but after picking up a couple of things at Walmart you asked Lilia to do a pregnancy roulette with you, a fun harmless joke you had seen on Tik Tok, though when you looked at the tests that perfectly normal day changed completely.

Warnings: pregnancy, age gap, magical conception. I don't think there's anything else that needs to go here, for now.

Authors note: alright, I have finally come up with a lovely way to start this story, though I must say that @renafisher27 helped immensely so I must give her credit as well. I haven't written pregnancies in a while, so please be gentle but tell me how it looks, if you like it and all that. I accept constructive criticism, and if there's anything you might want to see in this story, don't hesitate to ask, I'll add it to the best extent I can. Also available on Ao3. Finally, let's thank Patti Lupone for giving us Lilia Calderu, and Jac for writing her so beautifully.

Chp. 2 Chp. 3

Word count: 8827 (I've managed to write something short! It might not be the case for future chapters, you've been warned.)

I'm not leaving you, for anything in the world

The garden was quiet and beautiful this time of year, the lilies you had planted not that long ago blossoming under the warm light that came from the blue skies above, a gentle breeze crossing from the open glass doors of the shop all the way to the hanging chair you were resting on in a corner, watching as the leaves and flowers swayed to its gentle dance, bees jumping carefully in between the white and yellow frangipanis that climbed up the walls and fences, the only flower that Lilia had specifically requested, the rest of the garden for your hands to do as they pleased with. The aromas that filled the air with its wonderful floral tones mixed wonderfully with Lilia’s incense and rosemary candles, only eclipsed whenever she came out of the bath spreading a citrusy perfume all over the house, though you would never tell her to stop using that shampoo and gel, it was wonderful to go anywhere and pick up a whiff of oranges or lemons, your mind travelling straight to her. Your eyes were closed as you soaked up the sun, head lulled back against a pillow, the book you had in your hands forgotten as your ears picked up on the buzzing of the bees and the chirping of the birds, the grass a perfect shade of emerald green.

Lilia was watching through the kitchen window, letting her cup of tea rest on the counter as her eyes raked over your relaxed figure taking every inch of you in, from the way stray locks of your hair swayed in the breeze to how one of your feet dangled from the chair, brushing the cool grass with your toes. You had been a wonderful change in her boring life and every second she had spent without you in the Witches Road had been torture, but she had refused to let you go with her, she had told you that she would not be able to finish it if she had to worry about you and as much as you had tried to convinced her not to go you knew she had to. Parting had been a bittersweet affair, but she had promised you she would return, and everything would be alright afterwards, and you had believed her every word because Lilia had never ever lied to you or let you down. After her trial had ended and she had stayed behind she had thought of you, a single tear running down her cheek, but she had been at peace with her actions. If her sacrifice would save her coven and in extent you, she would die happy even if she knew it would break your heart, her mind wandering to you sitting by the door, waiting for her to come back when in truth she would never cross that threshold again, but then the impalement had never come. The road had expelled her and covered in mud she had crawled through the Earth until the evening sun had shone on her face, her palms pressed firmly over the ground as she breathed the fresh air that swayed over the yellow fields, tears of relief and pain clouding her vision.

She had walked home from the middle of nowhere trusting her magic to find her way back to you, embracing the rush that she had fought against for so long. The world had never seemed so beautiful before, the sky painted in oranges and blues, hot tears running down her cheeks as her bare feet walked through the warm grass, her dirty peppery ringlets stuck to the nape of her neck and forehead, but she did not care, not when she was thinking of you and how you would not have to mourn her forever, lost in a road that’s you would never be able to enter alone. By the time she had reached her shop the evening had moved onto night, gentle hues of purple and pink transitioning into a deep navy as the universe above appeared sprinkled with stars. She had pushed the door, surprised to see that you had left it open, the tiny bell that hung from the ceiling ringing melodiously to announce her return, and in slow motion you had pushed the beady curtain open to see who had come in so late at night only to find her. You had never doubted her, not for a minute, her robe flowing around your form as you rushed to her to take her in your arms, the odour of mud and sweat filling your lungs, but underneath all that her citrusy perfume remained. That night you had not let go of each other, not for a second, as well as the next day, though you had taken breaks from making love to talk about all those things she had never found the courage to speak of, tears and laughter filling up the room along with the hushed words that were spoken against each other’s lips.

Seeing you now through the window Lilia could not help but feel like the road had given her not only her confidence in her powers back, but the life she had never thought she deserved to live. Taking one sip of her nearly forgotten tea, she scrunched her nose at the taste, the usual cinnamon flavour leaving a soapy aftertaste on her tongue that she disliked tremendously. Forcing her eyes to tear from your form she dumped the entire thing down the sink, checking the pot to see if maybe she had forgot to rinse it, but there was no foam, simply the dark colour of the hot liquid. It was rather odd, tea usually lasted for really long periods of time, so she picked up the kettle and plugged it in to prepare a pot of vanilla and black tea, another favourite of you both, busing herself among the cupboards and such. It had also happened earlier that week that she had taken a bite of a cinnamon roll you had bought for her at Wendy’s and had had to spit the bite she had taken onto a napkin because of how horrible it had tasted to her; to you it was just as good as always. This was beginning to be a pattern, a sudden hate for cinnamon that she couldn’t quite understand, but it was not the end of the world, she thought, it would have been much worse had she suddenly developed an intolerance for chicken or cheesy fries. Just as she was thinking about a delicious bag of cheesy Doritos the kettle began to whistle, but even as she poured the hot water inside a clean pot that already had the leaves inside, she just couldn’t get the image of the Doritos out of her mind.

The idea of having a whole bag just seemed to be seeping into her bones, making her ache as it had quickly shifted from something she might want to have to a need; she needed Doritos, and it was insane just how much. Lilia left the pot so the tea could brew, poking her head through the kitchen window. You looked so peaceful, so calm and relaxed on your free day from work, but she could not leave the shop, she was open for business today so you would have to go down to the store and get her a couple of bags, just to be safe.

-Darling, can you listen to me for a minute?

-I’m not asleep, I’m just laying here soaking in the sun like a lizard. What’s up?

-Can you do me a favour?

-It depends. If it involves clothes being taken off, I’m in, if it involves soap and dishes, sorry I’ll have to pass.

-Don’t get cheeky with me, as if you wouldn’t do the dishes if I promised to bed you two minutes later, but that’s not the favour. Can you go down to the store and get some bags of cheesy Doritos?

-Doritos? – you opened one eye to see her head poking through the window, the tender breeze that was twirling around in the garden caressing her face, making the lose curls sway around her cheeks and neck. She was looking at you with those big doe eyes that she knew you could not resist, her lower lip in between her teeth in an almost pleading manner. -You are not one to eat that sort of thing often.

-I know, but I’m really craving some, like I really need them. Could you do that? You can take the car down to Walmart if you want, get yourself something.

It wasn’t such a bad plan, you loved going down to Walmart or Target, and you had heard of this new flavour of Buldak ramen, maybe you could get yourself that. Nodding towards Lilia you stretched on the chair, feeling it sway as you moved but it quickly stopped when you placed your bare feet over the grass, letting its cool touch seep through your toes before picking up your book and heading inside. Lilia was quick to give you a peck as a thank you, a childish like grin on her lips as she poured herself a cup from the vanilla tea, the sip tasting perfectly fine. You noticed the other pot, sniffing the liquid and noticing the cinnamon aroma it held, your eyes drifting to Lilia’s back as she pushed the beady curtains away and stepped back into the shop. So, she still had a thing against cinnamon, okay, you thought as you put a pair of old vans on, leaving the book on the kitchen table; maybe she had just switched tastes, it had happened to you with strawberry ice cream, you used to hate it and now you just couldn’t get enough. Picking up the car keys, your wallet and your phone you stepped out into the shop just as an older woman was entering it, her eyes looking around for a minute before Lilia stood gently from her chair and greeted her, her voice sweet and tender as she guided her towards the table. You waved silently at her, Lilia smiling back at you, before stepping out into the street, opening her old Toyota from 2010 that was screaming to be retired, but neither of you had the money to get a new one.

It was a bit run down but clean, and you serviced it as often as you could, so it was not a threat to either of you or other drivers, but the pedals were beginning to get softer under the weight of your feet and the gear shift would probably need to be changed in a couple of years, maximum, which, to be fair, was shit but there just was no way you could magically fix it, you had tried without Lilia knowing. The journey wasn’t too long, the big Walmart that Eastview had was only like a five minute drive, and the parking lot was big enough that there were always empty spots, so after taking the next exit and swerving the car you braked and put it in neutral near the front doors before stopping it completely and stepping out, checking your phone to see a message from Lilia asking you if you could get a box of Cheez-it as well. You had to smile at that. She had been acting a bit weird in the last couple of weeks, though you weren’t sure if she had noticed, and the sudden development of craving for anything with a shit ton of cheese on it was one of the best things that was coming out from whatever she had going, the hate for cinnamon thought, that was peculiar because she really loved to use it for her candles and protection spells. Anyhow you were on a mission to find the cheesiest Doritos in existence, so you made your way to the automatic doors, shivering under the cold air of the AC. Divine Mother, it wasn’t that hot outside, you were going to freeze your tits off before you had reached the first aisle. Walking through dairy, meats and fish and the sauce aisle you finally reached the snacks one, eyes surveying every product you could see until you found the box of Cheez-it, which when you read the sign underneath it said that there was an offer of three boxes for only 23$, that was a good deal.

You threw them into your trolley and continued the search for the Doritos. You had barely taken three steps to the right when they came face to face with you, an assortment of over seven different flavour plus dips, your index finger tracing the shelves until you found a family size bag of cheese flavoured ones, which you picked two bags of and dumped them onto the trolley forgoing the dips all together as Lilia wasn’t a big fan of premade sauces and such, after all you had an entire cupboard filled with homemade tomato sauce that you two spent an entire day preparing every few weeks. They had moved things around, so finding which aisle had the ramen took you about four tries, including crossing the medicine aisle. In your house homemade remedies were the go-to, but Advil and Tylenol were the only two pills Lilia allowed to have in the bathroom cupboard, you had tried to get cough syrups, but it had been a lost battle. Your eyes moved over the colourful packages, still amazed at the number of medications that one could easily buy without a prescription until you came across all the pregnancy tests. Now wouldn’t that be funny, to come home and do a pregnancy roulette with Lilia. She would say no at first, of that you were sure, but hey, maybe you could actually get her to do it and you could have a laugh about two lesbians considering the possibility of being with child. Maybe it was only funny to you, but since you were the one paying you took two traditional ones and a Clearblue one, throwing them over the Doritos and continued your search for the Buldka, but when you arrived they had all flown, so you had to settle on the cheese hot chicken one because Lilia would most definitely steal from your plate and she only liked that one and the rose one.

You looked around for a few more minutes but didn’t see anything that you fancied at that moment, so you went to the checkout, the cashier looking at the tests and up to you a couple of times, a cheeky smile on her lips, but you didn’t say anything, simply paid for the items, wished her a good evening and went to get to your car. Throwing the items in the back seat you sat behind the wheel a sudden feeling of anxiety and anticipation blooming in your chest, though you did not understand why. The roads were empty and the spot you had left only twenty minutes before was still there, the nervousness that was spreading through every cell and limb nearly making you fuck up as you parked the car, but after a couple of minutes extra manoeuvring you finally turned the motor off and stepped out. There was an extra bag that you always carried in the trunk, and after you picked it up and placed the items inside you made your way to the store, noticing that it was empty once more; the woman must have left not that long ago as Lilia was tidying up her deck and blowing the candles she had lit. The sound of your footsteps made her lift her head, that beautiful ringlet that was always framing her face bouncing gently at the movement, her eye shinning up at you, her smile the most beautiful thing in the universe. You could remember the day you had stepped inside this shop, tired, done with the world kicking you in the butt, and to be honest you hadn’t expected to hear anything good or true, but the instant Lilia had appeared the universe stopped moving, time still as her plump lips smiled gently at you.

How were supposed to simply sit there when the most gorgeous woman you had ever laid eyes on was sitting across the table asking you to cut the deck. She had read you from front to cover, every single thing you had ever lived, every moment of happiness and pain, and the session you had expected to be no longer than fifteen minutes turned into an hour, and then a cup of tea to calm your nerves and then the secret that you were a green witch spilled out and you cried some more, but she was there to hold you and reassure you, whispering that she was a divination witch in your ear. You had entered her shop over two years ago and had never left, though you would never ever do if you had a say in it. She had healed you, protected you and taught you all the things that no one had ever bothered with, and in return you had given her all the love of your heart not spearing costs. Seeing her smiling up to you now was even better than that day, because this wasn’t a simple polite grin, it was her love speaking to you in every single way she could think of. Putting your hand inside the bag you took one of the Dorito bags out, her smile spreading wider, her hands clasping in front of her chest, rushing to you and giving you a delicious peck, the taste of vanilla tea lingering on her lips.

-Oh, thank you Y/N!

-You really are craving them.

-You don’t know. – she didn’t even wait until she was in the back, she ripped it open and pulled one perfectly shaped triangle, popping it in her mouth. The sigh of relief that she made as she chewed made you chuckle, following her into the kitchen so you could take the rest of the items out of the white plastic bag. Lilia was busy with her Doritos, but when she turned to ask you if you wanted some her eyes saw the boxes of pregnancy tests, her hand stopping mid-way to her mouth. – Why did you get these?

-You are going to think I’m stupid, but I thought we could take one each and do like a pregnancy roulette.

-That is the dumbest thing I’ve heard in a while, and I talk with Agatha and Rio on a daily basis.

-Okay, no need to be so harsh Calderu. – you carried on putting the Buldak and Cheez-it boxes away in the cupboard next to the stove where the cereal and a lonely bottle of Pringles were. - It’s just something fun and stupid we could do. You have been craving cheese like crazy and can’t stand cinnamon, can you imagine if yours came out positive?

-I really can’t leave you alone for one minute.

-No, you can’t. Come on Lils, I want to do it; you are not going to leave me hanging are you?

Your puppy eyes always managed to melt her and agree to anything, and this time it wasn’t going to be any different. It really was dumb, in her opinion, and a waste of money, but you wanted to do it, so why the hell not, you had got her the Doritos, and they had been family size, she owed you one. With a sigh she put the bag on the kitchen table but not before warning you not to touch them, wiping her hands on a tea towel and picking one of the boxes up to read the instructions as she made her way to the bathroom. One for you, you thought, picking up the other box to see what the hell you were supposed to do. You knew you were supposed to pee, but did it have to be on a cup or could just do it on the stick, you supposed it didn’t matter much as long it touched pee. A minute later Lilia came out with hers, and you quickly picked the extra one that came in the box and headed for the bathroom yourself after placing Lilia’s inside the now empty package. It really was easy but a bit messy, and you spend a whole minute washing your hands afterwards but when you stepped out you put in the box along with her, gently shaking it with a smirk on your lips, Lilia having picked up her bag of Doritos once again.

-And now we wait for three minutes or so.

-How much did the tests cost you?

-Why do you want to know?

-So, I can think of how much money you just wasted for “fun”.

-Oh, don’t be like that. – you poured yourself a cup of tea, the cinnamon pot already in the sink, sitting yourself next to Lilia as she carried on with her snack as if her life depended on it. - I’ve seen people doing it on Tik Tok, why not us?

-We are lesbians dear, unless you have forgotten how anatomy works, you can’t quite get pregnant the usual way.

-But there’s still the magical way, and I am a green witch, and I always get very excited when I’m with you.

-You are cheeky today.

Her kisses tasted like powdered cheese which wasn’t quite alright with you as you took another sip of the vanilla tea, but it could have definitely been worse. You could still remember a hot day in the summer of about one year ago when instead of using salt for her Bolognese pasta she had used sugar, a bit of a miscommunication issue after getting new jars, making lunch uneatable and forcing you to order uber eats. McDonalds was always a welcome meal after a hard day’s work even if that work had been lunch. Lilia took a Dorito out and handed it to you, but you declined, and she didn’t even give you the chance to change your mind before it was already in her mouth, the timer on your phone going off, breaking the comfortable silence that had filled the room as you both ate. Your heart was beating fast against your ribs, although you didn’t know why, both of you already knew the answers you were going to get, but it still raced as you picked up the box and shook it as if that could mix the two tests even further, a drumroll from your fingers against the kitchen table echoing around you both before you pulled one test out and placed it with the symbols against the wood, repeating the same action with the other one.

-At the count of three you pick one and I’ll pick the other and we show it to each other, okay?

-Fine, the sooner we are done with this the sooner you can go back to the garden, and I can relax without you in here.

-You hurt my feelings, Lilia. – in a faux feeling of pain, you turned your head away from her, a hand on your chest to make it even more dramatic, but it only lasted a second before you put your hand over one of the tests, curious. -Ready? One, two, three.

Lilia was a bit faster than you, and when she picked up her test and showed it to you, you saw only one line, relief washing through your veins. Children had never been a topic you two had discussed much and for some reason the idea of becoming a mum, be it by you expecting or not was something you had not considered until this very minute, but it was okay, it was negative. And then you looked up at Lilia, your hands showing the other test in her direction, and you saw how her face had turned white as milk, eyes wide, the weight of the world crushing her under its heaviness. Obviously in a hurry you turned the test to see a cross, and it wasn’t one strong line and a really faint one, no, it was a very clear cross. The world stood still right there and then, your blood running cold inside your veins for a second before you stared back at Lilia, but she had reacted opposite to you and she pushed herself off her chair to pick up the box of digital pregnancy tests, ripping it open with hurried breaths. She was clearly in distress and didn’t even bother to say a word as she took one and rushed to the bathroom, the box sliding across the table so you could take one as well, but your arms were suddenly frozen on the spot.

There was no way in hell it could be true, it had to be a false positive, you were both lesbians and neither of you had cheated, of that you were more than sure. At work there was no chance of you meeting decent people that could spark any interest whatsoever and even if they did, you would never ever hurt Lilia like that, and you knew that after all the pain and heartache she had gone through in four centuries she would never risk destroying something as precious as what you two had, something that had healed her and shown her what love was supposed to feel like. So how on Earth could one of you be expecting? It was a preposterous idea and yet there was something in your bones telling you that it was so, that it was very true, and that you and your magic were to be faulted. Lost in thought you hadn’t heard Lilia coming out of the bathroom, but you did hear her pacing behind your back for a few moments before everything turned quiet. Suddenly the world was rushing around you and you turned on your chair to see Lilia staring at the test she had in her hand, unmoving, her face unreadable. You knew you had to see, but part of you was terrified of what you might find out and yet you stood and on shaky legs you began to walk her way until you stood face to face, and your hands gently grabbed her wrists, moving them downward so you could see.

-Oh. Oh, Lilia. – it said pregnant plus a +3 weeks, meaning that in the time that had passed since she had returned from the Witches Road, since the night you had shared without a single care in the world, only loving each other, thanking the universe that the day you had said goodbye to Lilia wouldn’t be your last farewell, she had been creating a brand new life, nestled safely in her womb. This was your fault, you thought.

-Guess it wasn’t such a stupid thing to do after all.

-I’m so sorry, I know this wasn’t what we wanted, what we had planned. Oh Lilia, this is all my fault. What are we going to do?

-I’m the one who’s supposed to be panicking you know. – it was unnerving how calm she looked, how collected as she made her way to the closest chair, the bag of Doritos forgotten on the side of the table, her beautiful brown eyes unable to break their gaze from the test that she held tightly in her hands. You were quick to follow, kneeling in front of her with your hands on her knees, over her red and blue gown.

-I’m sorry.

-Don’t be. This is as much your fault as it is mine, neither of us thought your abilities could create life like this, not yet anyway.

-And what are we going to do? I mean, I’m glad to know why you’ve been acting kind of weird, but this … this is a baby, it’s not some thing you are going through and that will pass in a few days.

-I know. What do you think we should do?

-I don’t know that’s why I’m asking you, after all you are the one who’s expecting.

-Yeah. I’m the pregnant one. – it seemed to be dawning on her slowly, the shock making way for both a profound sense of terror and an unmeasurable feeling of happiness, both tainted with doubts. Tears began to build in her eyes, and you were quick to hold onto her free hand to steady her. -Oh, Y/N, I’m pregnant. We are going to have a baby! How did this happen!?

-I guess I didn’t control my magic. I had missed you too much and there was this fear that I might lose you and… I don’t know. I didn’t think that we could do this, I just wanted to have you close, to love you and never let you go. I don’t even know how I did it, how we did it.

-Well, this is big Y/N, our lives will change forever. I have no clue how we are going to navigate this whole thing. One thing is to visit Sharon’s grandnieces and nephews, and another completely different thing is to have a baby of our own. Are we ready? Do you even want this Y/N?

-How could I not when it’s a piece of you and me that you are carrying Lilia. It will be hard but I’m not leaving you for anything in the world. I will stay by your side through thick and thin, and I will love this baby until the day I die, no matter what. I believe we can do this; we’ve waited more than a hundred years to find each other and build something strong. We can do it.

-We can do it. We are going to have a baby.

The tears she had tried to keep at bay were now flowing freely down her cheeks, a timid smile spreading on her rosy lips before it turned into a bright grin as you gathered her in your arms, that terror that you were both feeling eclipsed by the happiness and joy of this news. Holy shit, you were going to have a baby! Lilia was pregnant, wow, this is certainly not how you had seen the day going at all, and you weren’t sure if your brain was actually comprehending the situation, but it didn’t matter too much, Lilia was your priority right now. She cried on your shoulder, her left hand still holding onto the test, her body suddenly feeling completely different. When she had been younger she had dreamt of having a family, but the gaps and the death of her coven had turned her life dark and bitter, and as she tried to find a place for herself only to run away when people discovered she was a witch, it just began to slip into the back of her mind until it only popped up when she was at her lowest, when she began to wonder if maybe living for so long wasn’t as wise as she had thought. The feeling that her chance had passed was a thorn that she could not pull out of her heart, the pain would have been too great, but after centuries of living like this her heart had grown around it, learning to cope with the missed dreams she would never have. Sitting in her small kitchen, nestle in between your arms she realised that said thorn was gone, vanished into the ether, every single reaction her body was making, every twitch and spasm bringing the fact that she was growing a whole person, after four hundred and fifty years, to the front of her mind as the news sank in.

She was supposed to have kept her walls up, her magic under control so yours wouldn’t be able to mingle with hers, but the road had left her vulnerable and the sight of you wearing her own robe, the perfume that still lingered in it comforting you through the entire ordeal, had made something inside her click, as if there had been one final piece of the puzzle left for her to find, and when her eyes had settled on your form it had been clear that that piece was you, awaiting her return. She had been raw and bare before you, under you, on top of you, and the gentle tendrils of yellow magic had enfolded your sweet sage ones as one, making her feel alive, cared for, loved. That night there had been a sparkle of something, a spell not really spoken, a deep desire that had set the wheels in motion. She pushed herself off your shoulder to face you, her deep chocolate eyes a bit red and puffy, streaks of tears painting her rosy cheeks and yet there was a bright smile on her lips, so precious that if it had been night she would have been able to light the entire town, and all the doubts and fears you had felt in the last few minutes vanished. You wanted this, you hadn’t known until this every moment that the prospect of having a child with Lilia was the most wonderful thing that had happened to you since meeting her.

In a hundred and forty-three years of life children had never crossed your mind, not even once, they were there, so to speak, they did their thing and you did yours, never crossing paths and you had been perfectly fine with that. You had felt far too young to think about it at first, but then wars had happened, depressions, crisis, and your life had just taken extreme turns, far too many for you to even consider forming a family and then of course had been the fact that, first, your magic was a mess and you could not control it one bit, and second, you didn’t have someone you loved enough to settle down with. All that had changed with Lilia and knowing that from the two of you she had been the one to fall pregnant both terrified and thrilled you. You were sure she would be the most beautiful pregnant woman in existence but what you were absolutely certain of was that she would be the best mother in the universe, in every universe. You could almost see it, Lilia sitting in the garden under the warm sun of summer cradling a little thing in her arms, the sweet quiet noises coming from the baby the most wonderful sounds you had ever heard, their skin soft under you finger as you caressed their cheek amazed by their fuzzy curls that resembled Lilia’s when she was younger, the wonders never stopping every time they opened their big eyes to look at you with that unique power Lilia had mastered throughout the years and that they had inherited. You could see that same bright smile Lilia was giving you right now in the kitchen, her face still carrying some of the baby weight she had gained, but it did not matter, she was still the most beautiful woman, the love of your life that had granted you a wish you had never even known you desired.

But until that scene could come true many things had to happen and suddenly reality crashed down over your head. You had no clue what you were supposed to do now, like was she meant to sit on the couch with her feet up until she gave birth? You would have to throw away every single pod of coffee, you had heard it was bad, an alcohol, and cigarettes, did the smoke of candles count? You felt your panic rising, but Lilia was quick to reassure you with a simple touch, the palm of her hand resting on your cheek as she finally let go of the test, letting it fall on the kitchen table. Your knees were beginning to hurt from how you were positioned on the floor, the tiles digging onto the skin and hitting your rotulas, so you pushed yourself onto a chair, still facing her as if by giving her your back would suddenly make you wake up to realise this was all a dream, fearing that she would vanish like smoke in between your fingers and you would find yourself in the still of the night waiting for her to return from the road. But she was solid, real, and she was having your baby, and you could not help the chuckle that escaped your lips, turning into a melodious laugh as you pulled her to her feet and gathered her in your arms, twirling around the room. Lilia had to join you, her arms wrapped around your neck as she let you sweep her off her feet, literally, her own laughter mingling with yours for a minute until she felt you placing her gently on the floor.

-Oh my God, I shouldn’t be picking you up like that, should I? - your hands were suddenly grabbing her upper arms as if she was made out of porcelain and could crack any minute, her own tapping yours as she chuckled. It touched her just how worried you looked, as if something could almost literally make her collapse, but she was perfectly alright, she felt strange but at the same time perfectly fine.

-It’s fine Y/N, I’m fine. I don’t think that this is going to do me much harm.

-Do we have any baby books or pregnancy books?

-No, not really. It’s not a topic we usually read about.

-Then I’ll have to check Google.

-Whatever for? – you let go of her and practically slid over the tiles to grab your phone from the kitchen counter, unlocking it and opening a brand-new tab, typing the single word “Pregnancy” as if instructions would pop up on your screen.

-I have no idea what we are supposed to do! Like, what can you eat, is there anything that you can’t do, is magic safe for you right now?

-Y/N, darling, calm down. Let’s just call Jen, she’ll know exactly what to do.

-Jen? Why do we need Jennifer, she’s a potions witch.

-She’s also a certified midwife. I would feel more comfortable if she were to come and check me instead of us having to fake a birthday and pay two hundred dollars to sit in a waiting room to see a doctor who’s going to complain about my age straight away.

-Okay, okay, if that’s what you want that’s what we’ll do. – you needed to take a couple of deep breaths before you lost your shit, leaving your phone on the kitchen table and moving your hands up and down to calm yourself before sitting back down on your chair. - Divine Mother, and I thought I was going to have a relaxing day doing nothing.

-Tell me about it, I just found out I have a tiny being inside me.

Lilia was always so collected, so calm, or at least most of the time, but underneath that smile and controlled breaths you could see the nervousness that was coursing through her veins as she wriggled her hands in front of her chest. This whole thing was going to be a big change, she knew, and she was no stranger to change but not to this calibre. With quiet steps she rummaged through her purse, on top of the coffee table, pulling out her big black phone before making her way towards her own chair. She unlocked it and tapped the phone icon and Jen’s name but suddenly she found herself unable to follow with her own words, fear overtaking everything else. Jen would be kind, she knew, but what if things went wrong, what if she let it slip and the entire coven found out before she was ready to share this news, what if they had got their hopes up, joy and happiness filling their chests only to be let down, to be told that there was nothing, that the test was wrong. She didn’t feel like she could fight that war, she couldn’t simply sit there and hear her say that there would be no baby, not after realising just how much she wanted this one. Without prior notice she felt tears gathering in her eyes and in an attempt to not cry she lulled her head back, taking a few deep breaths. It took you by surprise this reaction, the way her eyes had quickly shifted from happiness to unbridled fear.

-Hey, hey, what’s wrong? – you took the phone and left it beside yours, taking one of her hands in yours while the other grabbed her chin and gently moved it so she would look at you, a single tear running down her cheek.

-What if we are wrong? What if they are false positives?

-The probability of two being wrong is very low Lilia. But you can take another if you want.

-And if its negative? What if its you the one that’s pregnant and not me?

-Darling, you made me go to store to buy a bag of Doritos, which I’ve only seen you eat like four times in two years, and two of them were at Agatha’s. I’m not pregnant, I don’t feel any different from how I usually feel, I don’t get sick when I have some cinnamon, I don’t have these crazy cravings for cheese either, unlike you. Trust me on this, okay? Everything will be fine, I promise.

-Do you really mean it?

-I do. I know you are scared, but everything will be just fine. How about I call Jen, and you can take another test if it will make you feel better.

Your thumbs wiped her tears as tenderly as you could manage, hating to see her so upset when only a minute before she had been over the moon. You supposed this was brought on also by the roller coaster of hormones she must have going on, but you weren’t going to voice that, you didn’t wish to upset her any further; she didn’t deserve to feel worse than she already did. It was strange the way she nodded, vulnerable before your eyes just like when she had shared all those heartbreaking stories about her past, letting you handle what she couldn’t at the moment. She was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, doubts and fears crushing her under it all, but as long as you were there you would lift it off of her as much as you could. You pulled her into a kiss, her lips holding onto the cheesy flavour of the Doritos, but as much as you wished to deepen it you stopped yourself, pecking her forehead before you picked up her phone from the table. Lilia remained on her chair for a few more seconds as she collected herself and as you pressed the call button, she picked up the box and vanished into the bathroom. It rang once, then twice, and as the third one was mid ring Jen’s deep voice answered, greeting Lilia with a warm friendly tone.

-Hi Jen, it’s Y/N.

-Oh, hi. How are you?

-I’m not sure at the moment. Look, I called because Lilia and I have a bit of a situation going on here and I was wondering if you could pop over in like five to ten minutes.

-Is everything alright? Do I need to bring ingredients for an antidote again? – her tone was playful, but there was a slight jab that tainted them. She just couldn’t resist making you feel a little bit bad about your lack of potion skills, could she? Well, you had no time to engage her in a battle of ironies and sarcasms.

-No, but if you have like a… midwife bag it would help.

-You need me as a midwife? What’s going on? What did you two do?

-You can’t tell anyone Jennifer, and I mean it, no one. Lilia is already all over the place as it is, and I don’t want Agatha or Rio mocking her. We took some tests and hers came back positive.

-WHAT?!

-Jen, my ear!

-Are you serious? Like you got Lilia pregnant for real?

-Yes. Could you come over and check her or do whatever you are supposed to do?

-Sure, sure, I’ll be there in five, I just need to get my bag from my apartment.

-Thank you so much. She’s freaking out and she will only let you see her.

-Okay, keep her calm, I’ll be there soon. Bye

-Bye.

Jen cared for Lilia more than she let on, but you could see it whenever they were together, whenever they talked, she would look at her with a protective glaze in her eyes, as if she could keep her away from harms way. It did not mean she was in love with her, no, she cared for Alice that way, with Lilia it was as if they were sisters, looking out for each other, and you didn’t expect anything else after what they had shared in the tunnels and during Lilia’s trial. They had gone for three days thinking that the other was dead only to find each other in front of the psychic store when Jen had gone there to pay her respects and leave a bouquet of lilies, the flowers forgotten on the floor when they saw each other. Jen had only cried one time during the road but seeing Lilia alive and well after the entire ordeal was like seeing her sister after being apart for years, only an old letter in a drawer to remember her by. Jen could be many many things, like arrogant or rude at first, but once you got to know her, she was kind and caring and she showed it by jabbing you every once in a while, a playful banter that sometimes ended up in arguments that would soon turn into deep conversations over a cup of tea. You trusted her with Lilia because you knew she would never harm her, and she would be honest with all of her findings, exactly what you both needed. Lilia was yet to come out of the bathroom you noticed, her phone locked and on the kitchen table as you stood and headed for the powder room, knocking gently on the door.

-Darling, is everything alright?

-Yeah. – her voice was slightly muffled by the wood, but you could have sworn there was a happier tone to her affirmation, though your mind could totally be making things up.

-Does the test say anything?

-Yeah.

-Do you want to tell me?

The handle was pushed down, the door opening slightly for you to go in. It was a small room, an old ceramic sink on the left side with two glasses with your toothbrush and hers, a bathtub with a white shower curtain like four or five feet from the door and a toilet, where Lilia was sitting on, right in front of the sink and mirror. Without a word she lifted the three pregnancy tests that had been left in the box, two of them showing blue deep crosses while the other one, the last digital test, showed the same message, “+3 weeks pregnant”. Lilia could not believe the relief she had felt when they had taken barely a minute to show the results, like a wave that had swept away all the fear and worry. She was most definitely carrying your baby, there was no doubt about it after five tests, a weight lifting of her chest when you caressed her cheeks and smiling, kissed her tenderly. She still wondered how it was that she could not get enough of your lips, of how much your kisses grounded her and helped her sooth her aching heart when the past came to knock her down. It was the only thing she could never live without. Parting from her you did not move from your spot, squatting before her.

-Do you feel better now?

-Yes, very much.

-I talked with Jen and she’ll be here shortly. How far along do you think you might be?

-Seven or eight weeks? If we take the night I came back as the conception date.

-You were very receptive to me that night, I think it would be right to assume it is. How about you sit on the couch, and I’ll make you a cup of tea until she arrives.

-Just warm up the vanilla that’s on the pot, no need to dirty more dishes.

Perhaps you were seeing things that were not quite there, but she seemed to be glowing. Her eyes held a different light to them, her soft curves seemed to speak of a secret she nestled under her heart, so precious that she didn’t think she could love someone so much even before they had laid eyes on them, a little life that you had both created. There were no need for words, not anymore, and you took Lilia’s hands in yours to take her out into the living room, her body following without protest as the evening light began to change into oranges and pinks that bathed the room beautifully, the colours reflecting on Lilia’s peppery curls in a lovely rainbow that reached her eyes, so deep, so rich and happy. Walking backwards you rounded her favourite armchair and pushed her softly until she was sitting with her back on her flowery cushion, your lips making contact with the soft skin of her palm, sprinkled with freckles and spots brought on by time. You did not care that she was over four hundred years old, she could have been a thousand and you would have still loved her for all eternity, every second of every minute of every day without a doubt, without question. She had meant everything to you for two whole years, and now you had something else you could love her even more for. Your fingers slipped from hers as you made your way to the pot, the amber liquid lukewarm to the touch as you let a drop fall on your pinkie. Picking up a clean cup you poured her some and placed it in the microwave to warm up again, taking the time until the microwave beeped to head to the shop to turn the sign from “open” to “closed”, pushing the door slightly closed but not fully shutting it, the cooler breeze that was still coming through it and from the garden keeping the house at a nice temperature.

Night would soon come, and in your dreams, you hoped to see what the future may hold for you both, a little girl with Lilia’s curls or a little boy with her big brown eyes, you didn’t care much, as long as they were healthy, and Lilia had no issues. The microwave beeped as you stared through the glass to the sky above, the streetlamps having just turned on keeping the stars hidden from your eyes, but it did not matter, as soon as you crossed the beady curtain, Lilia’s head turned to look at you, a sweet smile on her lips as she curled on her armchair, her feet under her. Her eyes held all the stars you needed to see. Crossing the room to the kitchen you picked up the cup and placed it on a saucer, and as you turned to head back to her you saw the open bag of Doritos, a smile gracing your lips. Coming around Lilia you handed her the tea, a quiet thank you reaching your ears, but you did not sit down at her feet like you always did when you were watching the telly, no, you took your free hand and placed it on her lower stomach, her eyes travelling down to watch it as it rested over her red and blue gown. A gasp escaped your lips when you felt it, a small spark of magic that was not quite yours nor Lilia’s, your fingers tingling at the feeling, until she placed her own hand over yours, the electricity passing from yours to hers, both raising your heads to look at each other. Lilia’s smile was so deep and bright, so utterly happy that you could not help it, and you crashed your lips over hers letting her feel the joy and glee that was coursing through your veins, the tea forgotten on the armrest as her hand went up to your cheek. When you had woken up you hadn’t imagined that a simple joke could bring such happiness to your life, that your Lilia, your wonderful, beautiful Lilia would be the one to give you a family, though you could not imagine anyone else you do this with.

-I think Y/N, that we are having a baby.

#lilia calderu #lilia x reader #patti lupone #avis amberg #avis amberg x reader #agatha all along #patti lupone x reader #we thank miss lupone simply for existing

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oceansprompts · 2 years ago

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text message prompts

[text] You okay?

[text] GO TO BED!

[text] hey you better be alive in there

[text] SOS save me please holy shit

[text] call me this date is going so bad

[text] I have way too much shit to do.

[text] Honestly I'm really worried about you.

[text] Why are you trending on Twitter?

[text] Please let me come over and pet your (pet).

[text] We are in the same building, you could come talk to me.

[text] It's not going to work out.

[text] This is a terrible idea.

[text] people have fetishes

[text] They really do crucify anyone these days huh

[text] I don't know why but that really means me want to stab you

[text] That movie was awful.

[text] For the love of god please help me

[text] I fucked up. I fucked up really bad.

[text] I'm blocking you.

[text] YOU ONE BRAINCELLED BITCH

[text] I regret swiping right.

[text] Everyone lies on their dating profiles.

[text] That absolutely can't be an actual picture of you.

[text] This forced open my third eye and I saw the devil

[text] I'm like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride

[text] That's just all fucking sorts of fucked up

[text] Why are we here? To suffer? Every other day I get messages that cause pain

[text] In the department of old man fucking, we've got you beat.

[text] have you gotten any work done?

[text] I am beyond shame, try again

[text] You left your left your underwear at my place.

[text] Don't you dare put this on Facebook.

[text] My brother in Christ you're being haunted

[text] I want to wring you like a wet towel and slap you against a wall

[text] The mind is weak but the body is funky

[text] I'm a zombie the law can't stop me.

[text] Jealous of my massive honkers

[text] We left you to die to play minecraft

[text] She would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats

[text] I puked all over the Uber driver's backseat.

[text] I just took a screenshot of that and posted it to Reddit

[text] You said you'd be right back and it's been months.

[text] Can't we talk about this face to face?

[text] Yeah, you'll come learn I just have a thing for milk

[text] Why did you like one of my pics from 2014?

[text] Now's as good a time as any to exchange nudes.

[text] Why would you send me an eggplant emoji?

[text] I write five paragraphs, pouring my heart out, and all you reply with is k?!

[text] Who would dare to lie on the internet?

[text] When I die, please delete all my shit off the internet

[text] He's so hot, I briefly started texting like a straight person

[text] And because I'm god and I've decided that; no, in fact, I'm not done.

[text] I know you love bloopy reggae jams, now is not the time.

[text] You better not be standing catatonic in your room again.

[text] God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.

[text]: My neighbor just told me he can fix my water heater for 50 bucks. I’m skeptical.

[text]: Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy apples? I paid 10 dollars for 6.

[text]: I mean, I wouldn’t say I have a problem with buying Squishmallows..

[text]: Hey, so you know how you told me no dog? *sends pic* I don’t do well with no’s.

[text] Stuart Little is a bitch and Remy could take him any day.

[text]: My roommate just said that Lola Bunny is hot. I’m moving out.

[text]: Hey I posted that vid of you drunk, singing Ariana Grande, wearing all black and people said not to do it again. Sorry.

[text]: Do you think the price is ever right? Like, I feel like it’s not.

[text]: I booped your nose. Boop the last five people you texted or–nothing happens really.

[text]: I’m actually in the ER and it’s a long story that involves Best Day Ever from spongebob.

[text]: I fucking hate you–wait you’re not my ex. Who are you?

[text]: You ever ask yourself if birds see a bee and just go ‘wow a bee’? im high.

[text]: sometimes all i think about is–sour patch kids. bet you thought it was you.

[text]: I love you—not as much as I love my dog. But still a lot!

[text]: I found a cat on the way home and now it’s mine. But it hates my guts so this should be fun.

[text]: I have questions about the marvel cinematic universe…how long do you have?

[text]: why do donald duck and winnie the pooh not have to wear pants but other people do?

[text]: Hey you know that show floor is lava? I may have turned the apartment into that..this isn’t a joke, btw. the floor is sticky.

[text]: I bought too much soap off etsy and now I don’t know what to do with it…I smell like Captain America.

[text]: On a scale of one to ten, how many drinks would you need to sleep with me? This isn’t a tiktok trend…or it is.

#rp sentence meme #roleplay memes #sentence meme #sentence starters #text message prompts

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dwobbitfromtheshire · 7 months ago

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A/N: based on an episode of Gilmore Girls

Eddie was sprawled out on his bed, strumming on his acoustic guitar, debating on whether he could get away with writing a ballad about Steve’s hair. He was in the middle of writing a chorus when his phone rang. Eddie grinned and picked up the receiver of his brand new Garfield phone.

"Heeelllo, this is Eddie Meowson speaking," Eddie said.

"Oh my god," Steve’s voice sounded from the other side. "You got the phone, didn't you?"

"Oh, yeah, baby," Eddie said and the other end went silent for a moment. "Hello?"

"Uh, I'd be laughing at that totally adorkable greeting, but I'm freaking out!" Steve exclaimed. "I have, uh, a situation."

"Now, Steve, don't be afraid of it. It's probably more scared of you than you are of it. It's supposed to get big like that, especially when you get excited. Now, I don't know what your mom and dad told you - ," Eddie grinned.

"Eddie! I know all about the birds and the bees! My nanny was the one who gave me the talk!" Steve yelled in frustration.

"Well, now, that's just sad," Eddie said.

"Why did I call you?!" Steve screamed.

"I don't know, big boy, why did you call me?" Eddie asked.

"You're good with animals, right?" He asked.

"Well, I'm able to approach the feral cat in the neighborhood without getting killed," he replied.

"Look, Dustin entrusted me with looking after his baby chicken. It's for a science project, and he really needs to ace it. He was supposed to do it this weekend, but his Aunt Kathy got into a car accident, so he's going with his mother to help her out. Anyway, he kind of dropped this in my lap, and it's not like I could say no to him, anyway. Jesus, I'm starting to sound like Robin. The bird got out, Eddie! I don't know how she did, but she did! I can't find her, and I don't want to look into our kid's cute but manipulative eyes and tell him that I lost his goddamn bird! Can you come help me or not?!" Steve shrieked.

"I'll do anything for you, sweetheart," he said and he meant it.

"Thanks, Eddie," he said softly. "I'll see you in a few."

Eddie gently set his guitar aside before leaping out of the bed with an excited holler. It was finally happening! Steve finally made the first move. . .after so many months of flirting, Eddie was starting to think that it was never going to happen. Really, though? A bird? He figured it would be a better excuse than that. Eddie's heart was pounding. He called Dustin their kid. Their kid. He has spent so many times over the last few months dreaming of bearing Steve Harrington his six little nuggets, despite the fact that Eddie had been born without the ability to give him that. . .unfortunately. He had chalked it up to the fact that Steve had saved his life, but Wayne had pointed out that thinking up baby names for future children probably meant that Eddie was in love with the man. Once again, Wayne was right. Eddie put on his best crop top and stuffed supplies in his jacket before rushing to the front door.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" Wayne asked.

"I'm going to get my man," Eddie grinned.

"About goddamn time, you go any slower you'd be a snail," he replied.

"Ugh! Wayne! You're not as funny as you think you are!" Eddie shrieked.

He pulled up to Steve’s house and fixed his vest. He checked his breath before walking up to the front door. Eddie froze. Oh god, he didn't get any flowers. Just as he was about to turn around, the door opened, and he was yanked quickly inside. Steve slammed the door closed behind him.

"Oh, thank God, that you're here," Steve said.

"You're going to be saying a lot - wait, what was that sound?" Eddie asked. "I think your fire alarm might need some batteries."

"That's the baby chick! I can hear her somewhere, but she keeps escaping me!" Steve exclaimed.

Eddie looked at the mess around them and then at Steve.

"There's really a baby chick!" Eddie yelped.

"Yeah, of course there is!" Steve yelled.

Eddie flashed his dimples before slipping out of his vest and jacket.

"Let's find this chick. . . STELLLA!" Eddie yelled.

"Stella?" He asked.

"It's a good name for a chick," Eddie said. "At least, I think so."

"That name sounds familiar. Oh! It's one of the names on a list that you left here! Character name ideas?" Steve asked.

". . .yeah, something like that. . ."

Looking for a small yellow baby chicken was a lot more difficult than it should be. It shouldn't be faster than them and yet. . . Stella did not want to go back in her cage.

"Okay, look, I get it," Eddie said. "I wouldn't want to be caged either, but this situation right now means that you should definitely be locked up."

"Yeah, I don't think she understands any of that," Steve said.

"Do you want my help or not?" Eddie asked. "STEEELLLLA!"

Eddie felt Steve watching him as he began to make chirping noises.

"Really?"

"Shut up, Steve," Eddie said.

Stella was a tricky little girl. As soon as she had been spotted, she took off. Steve and Eddie both dove for her, but all they ended up doing was breaking things or running into each other.

"Come on, sweetheart," Eddie cooed as he moved towards the noise. "Come to Mummy and Daddy."

"We're not her parents, Eddie," Steve said.

"Well, she doesn't know that. Maybe that's what she's looking for. . .a family," Eddie said. "I'm starting to get a little attached to the shit. She's such a menace."

"Eddie! There she is!" Steve yelled.

"Shh! Don't scare her off! Oh, look at her. . .she's going to run again. You can see it in her beady little eyes," he whispered. "Hey, Stella, you don't have to worry about us. . .we're not going to eat you. . .not yet, anyway."

"Eddie!"

"I said we're NOT going to eat her!"

"Shit, Eddie, she's running again! Damn it!"

A little while later. . .

"GODDAMN IT! IT'S BEEN TWO FUCKING HOURS!" Eddie yelled.

"It's been 30 minutes, Eddie," Steve replied.

"Oh my god, time has lost all meaning!" Eddie groaning.

"Yeah, I don't think she's getting tired yet," Steve said.

"Okay, I take it back, Steve, I'm going to eat this fucking bird," Eddie growled.

CHIRP, CHIRP, CHIRP!

"I think she heard you," Steve muttered.

"No, baby, Mummy didn't mean it!" Eddie exclaimed. "I love you again! We can chill, hang out, talk about boys or girls if you prefer, or maybe you don't have a preference at all! Mummy doesn't judge!"

"Hm, okay, so you're the mother in situation," Steve said. "Hm, I thought it was going to be me."

"Of course, I'm the mother, Steve. Don't be ridiculous," Eddie said.

"Yeah, I'm the ridiculous one," Steve sighed. "Why do I even like - ?"

"GOT HER!" Eddie yelled.

They got her back into her cage without any effort. They made sure she got food and water before collapsing at the kitchen table. Steve looked at Eddie, studying him.

"Hey, why did you seem so surprised that there was a baby chick in here? Did you think that I was making it up?" Steve asked.

"Well, I mean, kind of. . . ," Eddie said, scratching the back of his head.

"Why?" Steve asked.

"I thought you were asking me over to finally. . .," he said, trailing off again.

"What, Eddie?" He asked.

"I thought you asked me to finally get together!" Eddie shrieked. "Clearly, it's all in my head!"

Steve looked at him, and then he laughed. He got up, grabbed Eddie's hand, and pulled him up into his arms. He pressed their bodies together, his arm around Eddie's waist.

"It is not all in your head," Steve said. "You know, I wouldn't come up with such a lame story. I would just tell you that I wanted to see you. No tricks. No games."

Steve crashed his lips to Eddie's, and he gasped into Steve’s mouth. Eddie wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him closer. They both kissed each other eagerly, chasing each other's lips with the same energy that they had earlier. Eddie pulled away with another gasp.

"Uh, I should be honest with you, before this goes anywhere else. . .that list with the names. . .baby names. It's kind of embarrassing how much I want to have kids with you," Eddie said.

Steve kissed him again, even harder this time. He moved Eddie back, pressing him up against the wall and pressing himself further into Eddie. This was even more intense than the first one. It made Eddie whimper, and he felt his legs practically turn to jello. He gripped the back of Steve’s shirt as Steve rolled his hips into Eddie's and trailed kisses down to his neck.

"God, you're so sexy," Steve said, breathing heavily against his neck before pausing, "Hold on, no, we're not naming any children of ours Metallica. I remember that being one of the names on the list."

Steve pulled back to look at him.

"I'll get you to come around, you'll see," Eddie grinned.

"The hell you will," Steve said.

He grabbed Eddie's hand and pulled him upstairs. Eddie grinned. God, best moment of his life. . .

"Come back to bed," Steve groaned sleepily.

"Got to get a drink of water," Eddie said as he slipped on Steve’s polo.

"You're going to Winnie the Pooh it?" Steve asked.

"Hell yeah," Eddie said, laughing when Steve’s face plopped back down into the pillow.

Eddie walked downstairs. It was still pretty messy in here, he noted. They'd clean it up later. He walked into the kitchen. He moved past Stella's open and empty cage to get him a glass of water. Eddie paused and turned around. Stella's cage was empty. Oh fuck. Eddie collapsed to his knees.

"STEELLLLA!"

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #eddie stranger things #joseph quinn #eddie munson lives #steddie #steve x eddie #steve harrington x eddie munson #bisexual steve harrington #bisexual eddie munson #bi4bi #dingus4dingus #bi as hell bi the way #stranger things fanfiction #rueleigh writes #rueleigh's thoughts

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toulousewayne · 1 year ago

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Daily Batfam Shenanigans Pt:5

————

Damian:Grayson?

Dick looks over from his spot watching TV and eating Coco Puffs.

Dick:Yes Little Dee?

Damian:You are very aware of my experience with animals.

Dick: Very much so, yes.

Damian:Why does father seem so interested about give me Birds and bees.

Dick laughs for a bit.

Dick: No kiddo, he talking about…the reproductive health.

Damian:…Sex? I know what sex is Grayson Mother gave me this with topic with a diagram and you and the alien are never quiet when I stay at the tower. So I do not see the need for such time constraints.

Dick:…

—————

Jason is in the cave help Tim with his wound care when he notices a large scar on Tim.

Jason: Where’d you get this from Replacement, falling off the handlebars of your bike again?

Tim (Drowsy from medicine ): Oh that, no Ra took my spleen.

Jason:…..The fuck you just say Tim?

——

Oracle is in the ClockTower and is on Coms with Robin who’s patrolling the East end.

Robin: Oracle?

Oracle: Yes, Robin?

Robin:Father, had the talk with me earlier.

Oracle:And how’d that go?

Robin:I think Father needs to take a course on giving the talk he isn’t very good at it.

Oracle (Chuckling): Why do you think that?

Robin: He kept trying to explain anatomy but he didn’t understand women’s. He said I should ask a woman.

Oracle loosing it on the other line.

Robin:Is it that complex?

Oracle gaining her composure: Oh, kiddo you right your father needs help.

Robin: So will you explain—

Oracle: Absolutely not.

————

Duke:Is this safe?

Jason:Most likely not.

Duke:Should we tell someone?

Jason:Probably.

Duke:Are you going to?

Jason: Nope

Alfred in the next room: Whatever you two are about to do, save yourselves the trouble.

—————

Kate: And how did you convince him to do it?

Stephanie & Dick: Bribes

Kate: Okay, so what exactly did you two bribe him with?

Dick(Smirking): That’s highly useful and top secret information.

Jason enters the room in a fuzzy red sweater and approaches Bruce who’s reading a book.

Bruce (Confused): Everything okay Jay?

Jason give Bruce a hug and quickly leaves the the room.

Stephanie (Sobbing): You got the tissues?

Dick hands her a box and dries his own tears.

Kate walking away: This family needs therapy.

————

Damian:……

Tim:Why are you staring at me?

Damian:………

Tim:Did I do something to you,or are you trying out to be one of the twins from the Shining?

Damian:I need you to take me and Jon to see a movie Saturday night.

Tim:You couldn’t have lead with that?!

—————

Barbara: Go Left

Batman & Nightwing go Right

Barbara: No your other left.

Nightwing:That’s the right?

Barbara trying not to scream and rip her hair out.

Barbara: This Family Makes me want to murder people.

Batman: Are we in Pursuit of Riddler Now?

*Oracle Disconnects*

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tina-mairin-goldstein · 1 year ago

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Hannibal Dash Simulator Season 2

🔍iwishididn'thaveatwin reblogged

🐈‍⬛team-sassy-science

Me and @ autopsyguy going to get some drinks after work.

@ teamsassyscience Why wasn't I invited? And who took that picture?

13 notes

#friends #who i will forgive for not inviting me drinking this one time

🌸flowers-in-bloom reblogged

I know this is a stretch, but has anyone seen my dog? He keeps running away and I haven't gotten the chance to microchip him because of this. If you see him, he answers to Winston, and my address is on his collar (he's the one on the upper left, this is the only picture I have).

🌸flowers-in-bloom

Never mind. I found him. Thank you to everyone who tried to help. He is now microchipped.

🌸flowers-in-bloom

Winston ran away again. The microchip is not 100% accurate, so please, if you see him, let me know. I'm afraid he might get hit by a car or attacked by a wild animal.

821 notes

#dogs #dog #missing dog

🔍iwishididn'thaveatwin

Okay, something happened at work, and I am currently OBSESSED. Just have to share this with you guys. This article is the best. I set up the link, so just click the picture.

174 notes

#bees #apiary #honey production

🔥Sponsored

_________Verger Meat Packaging

Fresh, high-quality meat. Perfect for any occasion. Pork, beef, and chicken from a variety of breeds, available for all budgets. Professionally raised on one of the oldest farms in the state.

------------------------------Learn More

0 notes

🍷are-we-not-made-in-his-image

Petition to save local songbird habit from complete destruction

Local Baltimore City Council Sheldon Isley brokered a deal several years ago to turn the habit of endangered songbirds into a parking lot. Recently, there have been discussions going on further developing what little remains of these birds' home. More information and links below the cut.

_______________________Keep Reading

7,843 notes

#birds #petition #songbirds #wildlife #baltimore

🐎animal-lover12233

4 notes

🦅lonesome-hawk reblogged lonesome-hawk

Just LOOK at him.

🦅lonesome-hawk

Yes, I know he's on trial for murder. But if you had been following the trial like I have, you would know he's being framed. Now shut up and leave me alone. I'm disabling comments.

843 notes

🌸flowers-in-bloom

😶‍🌫️Anonymous asked:

Aren't those @ dogsandflyfishing's dogs?

Yes, they are. I am taking care of them for him while he is unable to.

2 notes

#ask answered

📸tattlecrime-official

Coming soon!

The REAL story of Will Graham and how his peculiar mind works, and how he was tragically framed to be the infamous Chesapeake Ripper.

Click on the links below to subscribe to TattleCrime.com for official updates and exclusive snippets.

-------------------------------Keep Reading

365 notes

#tattlecrime #official story #will graham

🐻prehistoric-predator

I'm partial to the Cave Bear myself, but a Dire Wolf is also a good choice. Before you vote, I've got some studies and info in the link below and some general information so you can make informed decision.

I'm curious to see what you guys think; I'm having to make a really tough decision right now.

Reblog for larger sample size

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69 notes

#cave bear #dire wolf #poll #polls #my poll

🐕dogsandflyfishing reblogged

🍷are-we-not-made-in-his-image

Lomo Saltado

Recipe below cut.

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37 notes

#recipe #cooking #lomo saltado

🐕dogsandflyingfishing

Everyone who is asking about Buster in the last picture I put up, he is okay. He got on the wrong side of a wild animal, which happens from to time when you live in a rural area. He needed stitches, but he will be fine. Stop accusing me of mistreating my dogs.

12 notes

#ask answered

😷autopsyguy

I've been going through a hard time lately. A friend of mine recently passed, @ teamsassyscience, and I've been thinking about her a lot. Two other friends of mine, @ dogsandflyfishing and @ flowers-in-bloom, along with my boss, are currently in the hospital and things don't look good. I'm really worried

Not what any of you wanted to hear, but I just needed to vent and didn't know where else to do it.

Here's to Beverly, and hoping that Will, Alana, and Jack pull through.

73 notes

📸tattlecrime-official

EXCLUSIVE!

A Red Dinner

Today, the entire city of Baltimore was rocked by the shocking revelation that renowned psychiatrist, Dr. Hannibal Lecter, is indeed the true Chesapeake Ripper. According to sources, Lecter very nearly took the lives of three people, and killed a third. Will Graham, once accused himself of being the Ripper. Dr. Alana Bloom, his lover. And Special Agent Jack Crawford of the FBI, a man Lecter has worked with closely in recent months. The one victim who was DOA is reportedly none other than Abigail Hobbs, who has been assumed murdered for months now, previously by none other than Will Graham. And what's more, it turns out he isn't just a serial killer, he is a cannibal as well.

Click Here for the rest of the story on TattleCrime.com

7,651 notes

#tattlecrime #official #hannibal the cannibal

#big thanks to sarc for reminding me to add tags this time #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter #alana bloom #freddie lounds #beverly katz #brian zeller #jimmy price #matthew brown #peter bernardone #randall tier #dash simulator #dashboard simulator

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huh-1260 · 11 months ago

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What if Time hadn't experienced the War of Era's yet? Okay let me explain this weird what if, so like with some people's head cannons, Wind goes in the middle or the end of Linked Universe. But like, so when Wind gets dragged to the War of Era's, Time gets dragged too, and with shenanigans, Time is back to 11 year old self (or how ever old you think Young link is at the end of Majora's mask) separated from Wind by a day late.

But you might be thinking, wait but what about the Fierce Deity marks on Time's face? Claim. Fierce Deity claim on his grumpy son to protect him. (Fierce Dadity all the way baby!) So like when Wind or now Tune starts treating Time like a kid, because Wind doesn't know that Mask is Time. Commander Link (or well baby Warriors; I heard he wasnt actually a captain) ends up as Mask's saving grace from certain things, as baby!Warriors is protective, but not to the extreme point because he too is a child soldier. (So like Time can now relate to Wind with being babied, and is prepared to protect young Warriors from everything even himself with the help of Fierce Dadity on his side)

So daurung a fit of child rage, Time yells "I'm an adult stop babying me!" And of course Tune goes serious, pinches the bridge of his nose, and all mysterious says. "If you're really an adult then your ready to hear this" And then explains the second most traumatizing thing a guardian gave give their child. The birds and the bees.

Tldr: Wind gives Mask the "talk" even though Mask is a de-aged Time who has all of his memories and still is actually a 30 something old man.

Time did scream when Wind explained it, he never wanted to hear it again. Don't worry Baby!Warriors did wrap him in his scarf for comfort.

Shit I might post art of this brb

#linked universe #AU idea #Or theory #lu time #lu wind #link #hyrule warriors #technically #fierce dadity #Toon POV: you decided to traumatize your little brother who is actually your father figure #(Time remembers everything)#lu warriors #I guess I should tag him even though War hasn't experience LU yet

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cutiepoototie3 · 5 months ago

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Bowser, My Love! I Will Free You!

Bowser x psychotic crazy princess

This is a small joke/ kinda seeious? Fanfic I made. I made this so I could sum it it in my schools literary club magazine so the whole school can read it 😈 but yeah.

You can take this as a bowser x reader! It’s kinda a joke but I had a really fun time writing this. I’m not sure if I’ll do more in the future. (I’ll probably put this on AO3) but just in case maybe y’all can put suggestions on what y’all like to see after this 😏

Chapter 2 of Bowser, My Love! I Will Free You!

Ao3 link! ——-> click here!

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯ ✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯ ✯¸.•´`*•✿

It was a lovely day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Birds chirped, bees buzzed, and cheerful, colorful Toads bustled about without a care in the world. Ever since the King of Koopas had been sealed away, peace had returned.

As usual, Princess Peach tended to her royal duties, graciously meeting her beloved Toad subjects, while the heroic brothers, Mario and Luigi, scurried around saving the day—one broken pipe at a time.

Yes, the kingdom was content.

Well… almost everyone.

High above the Mushroom Kingdom, beyond the clouds and into the stratosphere, a storm of despair was brewing.

"NOOOOO!!! BOWSER, MY LOVE!"

The wail echoed through the halls of the Cloud Kingdom’s grand palace, shaking its very foundation.

"M-My princess, please, compose yourself!" a frazzled servant pleaded, dodging a plush Bowser doll that had just been hurled across the room.

But there was no calming Princess Puffina. She lay sprawled across her silken throne, clutching a heart-shaped handkerchief, drenched in her own dramatic tears.

"How could they?! HOW WOULD THEY?!" she wailed, her voice raw with heartbreak.

Her chest heaved with emotion as she flung herself onto the nearest cushion. “My poor, sweet Bowser! Trapped! Alone! Never to see the light of day! How will he survive without me?! Oh, the agony! The INJUSTICE!"

She let out a shuddering gasp before dramatically dabbing at her eyes. "Curse you, Mario! Curse you, Peach! I shall not stand idly by while my future husband suffers in captivity!"

Her attendants exchanged nervous glances.

Here we go again.

Princess Puffina. The notorious ruler of the Cloud Kingdom.

Yes, that’s right. A princess of the calm, kind, enchanting, and opulent kingdom of the clouds… madly in love with the dishonest, treacherous, sadistic, scaly, monstrous, ever-fearsome King of Koopas—Bowser.

“Ohhh, my Bowser!” she wailed again, throwing herself onto the other side of her throne with the grace of a fainting actress in a tragic play.

“My princess, please!” her frazzled servant begged. “He is not truly gone! Word has it that he has been contained in a small bottle…” the servant said cautiously, as if afraid of triggering another emotional outburst.

Puffina, mid-blow into her handkerchief, froze.

Her tear-filled eyes widened, shimmering like stormy skies as a single drop trailed dramatically down her cheek.

Then, in an instant—"Oh my goodness!" she gasped, flinging the damp handkerchief aside. “What am I even worried about?!”

With a sudden, whiplash-inducing shift, she bolted upright, swiftly wiping away her tears. Her cheeks were still flushed, her breath still uneven, but her expression had flipped from despair to thrilling realization.

Then it hit her.

"Wait… IN A SMALL BOTTLE?!"

Her hands clenched into trembling fists. "No one… NO ONE imprisons my beautiful, magnificent king like some cheap collectible!"

A dark thundercloud rumbled above her head, flashing with miniature lightning as her body trembled with fury.

“My princess, please, do not be so angered! It could be worse! Surely, a king like him wouldn't need sav—”

"SAVING!!!" Puffina suddenly shrieked, her voice echoing through the palace halls.

Her lips curled into a wide, dangerously unhinged grin as a manic gleam sparked in her eyes.

"Yes… SAVING."

She whispered the word this time, rolling it over her tongue like the sweetest, most wicked secret.

Her breath quickened. Her heart pounded. And then—she threw back her head, twirling in place, laughing maniacally into the air.

"That horrid Princess Peach has FLIPPED THE SCRIPT! She has HIM in captivity?! My sweet, misunderstood king?!" She clutched her chest dramatically.

"WELL, NOT FOR LONG!"

She stopped spinning abruptly, planting her feet firmly on the ground.

"I SHALL SAVE HIM! And when I do…"

Her voice softened to a dreamy sigh as she clasped her hands together, stars twinkling in her eyes.

“…he’ll have no choice but to marry me!~"

And with that, Puffina skipped off toward the balcony, completely ignoring the look of utter dread on her servant’s face.

“Oh browser!~ Im comming!~” and with that, she freely jumps off the balcony with the sudden puff of a cloud catching her and zooming away to the Mushroom Kingdom.

“Oh, Bowser!~ I’m coming!~”

With a graceful leap, Princess Puffina flung herself from the palace balcony.

For a moment, she plummeted through the sky, her hair whipping wildly in the wind—until, with a soft POOF!, a fluffy cloud materialized beneath her, catching her with perfect timing.

“Onward, my trusty Nimbus! To the Mushroom Kingdom!” she declared, pointing dramatically toward the horizon.

The cloud zipped through the sky, leaving a faint trail of sparkling mist in its wake.

Meanwhile, inside Princess Peach’s Castle, all was peaceful.

Mario and Luigi were enjoying a well-earned break, seated at a grand table filled with plates of spaghetti (Mario was on his third helping). Princess Peach, dressed in her usual regal pink, stood by the window, enjoying the warmth of the sun.

But their tranquility was shattered when—

BAM!

The castle’s grand doors burst open, slamming against the walls with a thunderous BOOM!

A gust of wind rushed into the room, scattering napkins and ruffling Peach’s gown.

And there, in the entrance, stood a figure bathed in dramatic backlight.

Princess Puffina.

Drenched in chaotic energy.

Her wild curls bounced as she strutted inside, her fluffy gown billowing behind her like a storm cloud.

"Ah, my dearest Peach!~" she cooed, her voice sickly sweet as she sauntered toward the princess. "How simply wonderful to see you, my darling~! Oh, and the Mario brothers, too!~ What luck! I was just in the neighborhood and thought, ‘Why not pay a little visit?’"

Mario and Luigi exchanged glances.

Peach blinked. “Uh… Princess Puffina? What are you—”

“OH, you sweet thing!~” Puffina cut her off, placing a delicate yet vaguely threatening hand on Peach’s shoulder. “It must be so exhausting ruling this little mushroom patch. I just don’t know how you manage!”

Peach stared at her.

“…I do just fine?”

Puffina giggled, but there was something unnerving about it. “Ohhh, of course you do! You always do, don’t you?”

Luigi swallowed nervously. “…Mario, I don’t-a like this.”

Mario, now napkin-less thanks to Puffina’s dramatic entrance, nodded. “Yeah.”

“BUT ANYWAY!” Puffina suddenly clapped her hands together, making everyone flinch. “I simply must be on my way! So lovely catching up!~”

And with that, she turned on her heel, skipping deeper into the castle.

Peach blinked again. “…Where are you going?”

Puffina waved a hand dismissively. “Ohhh, nowhere important! Just a little, tiny errand! Don’t worry about it~!”

Peach frowned. “That doesn’t answer my—”

SLAM.

Puffina shut the doors behind her.

There was a long pause.

Mario, his mouth still full of spaghetti, slowly turned to Peach. “…What-a just happened?”

Peach sighed. “I have no idea.”

Puffina glided down the castle corridors, her cloudlike dress floating behind her.

She hummed to herself as she peeked into different rooms, occasionally gasping dramatically when a Toad guard would spot her.

“Oh, pardon me, darling!~ Just looking for the powder room!~”

The confused Toad would bow and apologize, and just like that, she’d twirl away, moving closer and closer to her goal.

And then—

She found it.

The room was dimly lit, tucked away behind an ornate golden door. A guard stood outside, standing at attention.

Puffina’s eyes gleamed.

Her beloved Bowser was inside.

Time for a rescue.

She peeks over the wall side eyeing side to side as with one whoosh of her cloud magic she disguises her self as a toad. She had a tray in her hand with food and strutted right up to the guard “feeding time!” she said firmly

The toad guard strangely looks at her “feeding time is a bit later. I think your early miss.” they said and quickly princess puffins ironically puffs. “This is a order from princess peach! Her kind heart decided to give bowser fresh hot spaghetti.” she says.

“Ah! Well in that case i see no problem! Our princess as a generous heart!” the toad sighs letting the disguised princess puffins in.

She smiles sweetly but frowns at the thought of princess peach. She walks in and with closed doors she trandforms back into her human self.

Her eyes scan the dark room and in the center a small glass bottle glimmers from the small opening of light. She could see is gorgeous yellow scales. His small lizard back faced her. She smiled from ear to ear.

FINALLY! Her king was right here! Alone! Just her.. And NO ONE ELSE.

“Oh! Oh my bowser!” she runs towards the small bottle. Grabbing it and putting the bottle towards her lips.

“Oh my itsy-bitsy-tiny-kingy!” she kisses and shakes the bottle in a frenzy. Covering the bottle in her bright pink lipstick. The monstrous tiny lizard inside being shooked around. When stopping her kissing frenzy she smiles dangerously happy at him. The lizard shocked in the bottle “dont worry my cutesy pookie! Well escape!”

“HAH!” with a swoop of a kick she busted the stoe wall down and with her trusty nimbus she leps out and flys away.

With the wind rushing past her and her cloud soaring through the sky, Princess Puffina giggled wildly, cradling the tiny glass bottle in her hands. She twirled it between her fingers, the little lizard inside bouncing around from the movement.

"Oh, my sweet, tiny, itsy-bitsy Bowserkins~!" she cooed, smooching the glass repeatedly, leaving bright pink lipstick marks all over the surface. Inside, Bowser’s tiny body tumbled against the walls of his container, dazed and absolutely done with whatever was happening.

Puffina finally landed on a floating cloud high above the Mushroom Kingdom, the perfect place for a romantic (completely one-sided) reunion.

"Alright, my darling!" she sang, gripping the bottle tightly. "It’s time for your big comeback!"

With a POP, she yanked off the cork.

For a moment, Bowser just sat there, frozen in his tiny form, staring up at the grinning, lovesick princess looming over him. He blinked once. Twice.

Then—

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF DRY BONES IS HAPPENING?!"

Before he could even attempt to scramble out of the bottle, Puffina tipped it over, dumping him unceremoniously into her hands.

"Ohhh, Bowser~!" she squealed, clutching him to her chest. "You're even cuter when you're travel-sized! Eeeee!"

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU MANIAC!" Bowser roared, struggling against her iron grip. "WHO EVEN ARE YOU?!"

Puffina gasped dramatically, eyes shimmering with heartbreak. "Bowser… my love… you don’t remember me?!"

"I’VE NEVER MET YOU IN MY LIFE!"

But before he could protest further, Puffina beamed, eyes wild with excitement. "Oh, don't worry, my big handsome grumpy turtle, I know what you need!"

She reached into the fluffy folds of her dress and pulled out—

A Red Mushroom.

"Open wide, sweetie pie~!"

"WAIT—NO, HOLD ON—!"

Too late.

With the strength only a princess deeply in love (and deeply unhinged) could have, she shoved the mushroom straight into his mouth. Bowser gagged, flailing his tiny limbs, but before he could spit it out—

POOF!

A burst of magic erupted around him. His tiny form swelled rapidly, his deep growl returning as he expanded back into his monstrous, towering self.

Puffina clapped her hands, twirling in delight. "EEEE, THERE HE IS! MY BIG STRONG KING!"

Bowser groaned, rubbing his head. "What… the heck…" He blinked, looking around, finally realizing where he was. "Wait. How did I get out of that bottle?! Where even—"

Then his gaze landed on her.

Puffina stared up at him, eyes sparkling, hands clasped together like a maiden in a fairytale.

"Oh, my dearest, sweetest, most magnificent Bowser..." she whispered dreamily.

Bowser took a step back. "...I don’t like how you’re looking at me."

"NOW WE CAN GET MARRIED!" she declared, throwing herself at his arm.

"WHAT?!"

And they had 256 babies. The end.

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impala-dreamer · 11 months ago

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So, yesterday... I died (almost)

No, seriously.

I've been powerwashing the house... back patio/back deck/sidewalk, etc... yesterday, I wanted to move the machine upstairs to my side deck where the birds hang out. I move the machine to the front of the house, and some of the hose was wrapped around a shrubbery... so I go to untangle it...

And was instantly stung by a bee.

Ok... no biggie.

Then another. Then one on my forehead... then I was swamped by the entire nest. And stung by like 12 bees.

....

I'm not allergic so I'm not worried, just pissed. I run inside, take my shirt off, deal with the bees and take stock. I'm OK, but lemme go take a benadryl anyway. I have one on my nightstand. I go get it and take it to the bathroom bc I'm gonna shower anyway, so I turn on the water and try to open the blister pack of benadryl. My hands start shaking and I can't open it. No way will it open. I start getting dizzy like I'm going to faint (I have a fainting condition so I know the early signs) so I'm like.. ok... if you're gonna have to sit down. And the shower has a seat. So I strip and go into the shower, sit down.

Normally, cold water stops the fainting so I'm like... this is a good idea.

It didn't help. Ok. I'm gonna faint, go lower. So I sat on the shower floor and I'm in the water and

Passed out.

Woke up disoriented, still in the shower. Ok. Get up.

Passed out.

Again. Get up and get out of the shower.

This went on for apparently, 35 mins of me losing consciousness and trying to climb out of the shower to call for help.

Finally, my brain is like.. if you don't get out of the shower you are dying here. So I'm talking outloud to myself as I crawl out of the shower unable to stand or really move my legs. (Btw.. 5 inch shower ledge to crawl over) I somehow get out, slide the phone off the counter, and text my brother 911. (Hubby at work). Then, I lay down kinda twisted on the floor like a chalk outline and keep talking to myself.

Bro comes in... freaks out...

Then the next 40mins are a blurr, but the cops came... 2 shots of epipen, and oxygen before the ambulance got there.

Another shot of epi, a shot of benadryl, another tank of oxygen...

My BP was 57/14.

They couldn't let me sit up even or I'd instantly pass out. Not that I could move.

So they carried me on some sheet thing out of the house, downstairs, into ambulance.

Apparently there were 4 cop cars and 3 ambulances on my lawn...

They got me in and couldn't start driving until they stabilized me..

I started major convulsing bc of all the adrenaline. Like full seizure shaking bad. They couldn't find any veins on me bc small veins and BP deathly low... so we were on my lawn for a while trying to get me ok enough to move.

Finally, I joked "you want me to drive?" Proving that my comedy is pure and part of me, even while on my literal deathbed. ;)

So we got me another shot of benadryl and a shot of steriods...

Drove 20 mins to the closest hospital ... bc I live in the middle of nowhere...

Guy calls in "critical incoming"... which is never great to hear.

We pull in and the hospital guys meeting us looks at me and says "you officially have the lowest blood pressure I have ever heard of on a living person."

Gee thanks! Let's fix this!

So I spent the next 5? Hours in the e.r. critical section hooked up to wires and ivs and ekgs and oxygen.

In the end I had 3 shots of epipen. 3 benadryl shots. Steroids. 2 bags of fluid. 4 panic attacks. 3 tanks of oxygen.

And a hospital turkey sandwich.

So... yeah, if I hadn't talked myself out of the shower with the dregs of my strength and will to not die naked on my shower floor...

I'd be dead.

I'm feeling a ton better today but still not good. I am on the couch and not gonna move.

Also having some theological thoughts about the lack of diving intervention or feeling of godly care.

Basically, my life was saved by myself, my brother, that cop, and Madision and John, my e.m.t.s.

Hope you are all doing better than I am lol

Happy Sunday 💖

#personal #near death experience #apparently im allergic

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exactlymaximumgarden · 1 year ago

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what i did for love (jschlatt x reader fic)

chapter 2: new guy

summary: after endless chatter about the so-called "new guy," you finally have a less than ideal run-in with him. word count: ≈2.0k warnings: fem!reader, use of (y/n), kinda angsty later on a/n: hi chat. this chapter is kinda tea so i hope you like it lol song: again and again - the bird and the bee

You never thought you’d be more grateful for a lunch break in your life. The cast had been dismissed for an hour just after running the emotional monologue from the character Paul, which promptly followed your solo dance number. Teching your routine wasn’t too much of a hassle, but the actual choreography was beyond grueling. You were more than ready for a breather.

Surprisingly, Schlatt, during the run, wasn’t a bother at all. You could’ve sworn you caught him glancing at you from the wings at certain points, and you couldn’t say for sure whether or not he had seen any of your solo at all, but during the monologue afterward in which everyone in the cast was offstage save for your castmate Mateo, Schlatt was nowhere to be found.

Not that you had a problem with that, anyway. Hell, you didn’t care what all he fucked off to do as long as you didn’t have to be there for any of it.

Now, you could only do your best to rid your mind of all thoughts related to him as you sat in your dressing room, which you shared with Victoria and two other castmates, Sierra and Lola. Aside from your already established bond with Victoria, you’d taken it upon yourself to build a closer friendship with Sierra and Lola since they played the characters Maggie and Bebe respectively, so naturally you would have to stand near them in the chorus line formation. That was also partially the reason the four of you had been grouped together to share a dressing room, so it was only beneficial for you to have a good rep with both.

The four of you were plopped in a circle on the dressing room floor, accompanied by your other castmates Ari, Mateo, and Dante. All seven of you picked at your lunches, more interested in the conversation at hand than actually eating. However, the topic quickly shifted to the oh so mysterious new guy, and as much as you wanted to shut your brain off than have to listen to speculations about Schlatt, you were also insanely hungry. So, you simply forced yourself to sit there and listen.

That was just like Schlatt, you couldn’t help but think sourly. Always the center of attention, even when he wasn’t in the room.

“Has anyone actually gotten a chance to talk to him yet?” Lola asked, her amber eyes twinkling with curiosity as she scanned the group.

“I accidentally bumped into him after we teched my scene,” Mateo piped up. “He was pretty nice. Apologized to me and all. Even though it was totally my fault.”

“Can I say he’s kinda hot?” Sierra was next to chime in, her silvery voice quickly filling the silence. A quiet laugh promptly rippled through the group, although it took a bit of willpower on your behalf to keep your own from sounding too forced. “Like, respectfully? I’d smash.”

“You’d smash anything that breathes.” Ari, seated behind her on the dressing room counter, nudged her teasingly with his leg.

“Hey, can you blame me? I’ve tried every dating app there is. I’m debating whipping out the last resort any day now.”

“eHarmony?”

“No. Becoming a nun.”

“Okay, but do we know why they brought in someone new so late in the process?” Victoria interrupts. “What happened to the old stagehand? What’s-his-face?”

“Who cares what his name was? He got fired, and good thing.” This heated answer was spat from Dante, who had been cast in the show as the lively tap-dancer Mike. His heavy Brooklyn accent was interwoven through every syllable as he continued, “He was a fuckin’ idiot, not to mention a total dick. Always actin’ like he knew everything, being a shit to Vanja and all. I’m surprised she didn’t kick his ass out sooner. But I heard they put out an open call for someone to fill in for ‘im. Anyone with at least basic knowledge of allat computery shit. I guess that’s how they roped the new guy in. Shat, or whatever he’s called.”

Of course. He made perfect sense for the job. He’d wanted to go into computer science before he’d gone down the rabbit hole of his own career. “Schlatt.” You couldn’t keep the correction from spilling from your lips. You weren’t all too thrilled to discover the way his name still tasted like acid on your tongue.

“Yeah. That.”

“Well, at least he seems nice.” Victoria shrugged. “Upgrade from the last dude.”

“Nice and sexy!” Sierra giggled, earning another nudge from Ari.

Despite yourself, you opened your mouth. You had the insatiable urge to say something, maybe a cryptic, biting remark directed towards Schlatt. Something about how nobody here knew what he was really like, how he was the furthest thing from nice, how he’d ruined everything. However, you were promptly interrupted by a knock on the dressing room door.

“Hello?” Lola called out, craning her neck to snag a better view of the visitor.

The door creaked open, and Lacey poked her head in. Lacey was a petite, curvy girl, her hair tied up in pigtails and extravagant eyeshadow powdered against her lids. She’d been cast as Val, so she figured going over the top in her stage look would fit the character. Nobody had the heart to tell her she looked clownish.

“Just wanted to tell you guys we have five minutes until we’re back,” she explained in her typical squeaky tone, a toothy grin spreading across her lips. “Vanja’s giving us a bit of extra time to get settled, though. She just finished introducing herself to Jay.”

For whatever reason, Lacey first-naming Schlatt created a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach. Nobody ever did that. Not in his circle, anyway. But you couldn’t necessarily fault her for that. She didn’t come from his circle. That was a you problem.

“Thanks, Lacey.” You quickly hopped to your feet, stashing what was left of your lunch back with your belongings. “I’m gonna go to the restroom real quick. Will someone let Vanja know in case I’m not back in time?”

“I got it,” Victoria instantly volunteered, to which you shot her a grateful smile.

“Go piss, girl!” Ari murmured, resulting in a collective snort among the group. He elicited a grin from you, too, but you’re already out the door by the time you clocked it.

___

Wandering through the twisting hallways of the backstage area reminded you of yet another thing you’d never get used to regardless of how long you’d been performing. It never seemed to fully register that the older the theatre, the more historic the building, the dingier the backstage was. And right now, you might as well have been traversing a maze.

All this for a piss.

You couldn’t tell how long it took you to actually locate the bathrooms within the labyrinthine hallways, and you could only imagine that, with your luck, it’d be even longer before you found your way back to the stage. And of course that proved to be true. Before you knew it, you were lost. It wasn’t your fault, you kept telling yourself. This is why you exclusively used the restrooms out in the theatre’s foyer. At least those were easy to find.

“Whoa!”

You were instantly snapped out of your daze as you collided with someone’s larger frame. You stumbled backward from the impact, but whoever you ran into quickly clamped their hands around your biceps to keep you from completely falling on your ass.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, I-” Your vision refocused, your voice instantly trailing off as you gazed upward at the person before you. Schlatt’s eyes bore into yours, hints of both concern and amusement evident in his gaze. Suddenly, the grip on your arms turned from something relieving to much more revolting.

The corners of his lips tilted upward in the faintest of smiles as he let go of you, stepping back. You could feel his gaze raking over you, taking you in. “Hey, stranger,” he greeted, leaning against the wall beside him.

You wanted to walk away, turn your back on him this instant. But you couldn’t. You felt paralyzed. Rooted to the spot.

“Hi,” you muttered in return.

“How’s it goin’? Been a while, huh?”

“Yep.” No shit, it’s been a while. I never wanted to see you again. “I’ve been fine. Been busy with the show and all.”

“I can imagine. Seems like a lotta work already.”

“It’s Broadway. Of course it is.” Your tone came out a bit more biting than intended. Schlatt quickly seemed to catch on, his brow quirking up in a slight smirk.

“You’re right. Stupid thing of me to say.” He held up his hands in mock surrender. You huffed out a scoff, but it was clearly forced. “Well, uh, hey,” Schlatt tried once more after an awkward silence ensued. “I saw you dance a little bit. From the wings. You did… good.”

“Good, huh?” You folded your arms across your chest, a bit exasperated with how the conversation was going nowhere.

“Yeah. You did good,” he repeated, his eyes still glued to you. It was growing increasingly hard not to shudder under his stare, feeling like prey beneath him. Your stomach churned, and you could practically hear your heart’s frenzied beating within your eardrum. For a moment, he fell quiet once more, and you swore you saw his expression falter. Whatever air of confidence was there before seemed to melt, devolving into something softer, something unreadable… disappointment, maybe? Regret? “You look good, (Y/N).”

It felt like the world stopped at that. You had to fight every fiber within you that wanted to bark out an incredulous laugh. “Really?” you instead asked, bewilderment of his utter audacity clear in your voice. “Is this a joke?”

Schlatt instantly straightened, no longer leaning on the wall. An air of defensiveness flickered over him. “What? Can I not say you look good?”

“Are you actually asking me that?” It shouldn’t have been so easy for him to rile you up, get under your skin.

Schlatt’s lips flattened into a straight line as he heaved a heavy sigh. “(Y/N), come on. Listen, I know these aren’t ideal conditions, but-”

“Like hell they aren’t!” You ran a hand through your hair, feeling like you might as well have been on the brink of tearing every single strand out. “Just stop. Not now. Don’t do this to me.”

“Why not now? Look, we gotta talk at some point.”

“There isn’t anything to talk about. You made things very clear when you decided you were done with me,” you spat. Schlatt opened his mouth to protest, but you quickly interrupted. “Can you please just do me a solid and point me back to the stage? I’ve got more important things to focus on right now than this.”

He stopped dead in his tracks. His usually soft expression was icy, and it was evident by the way his eyes flitted all across your face that he was seriously debating what to do next. However, to your relief, he jerked his head over his shoulder. “Straight ahead behind me. Take a left, up the stairs, take a right. You'll find your way.”

You didn’t wait to say anything more. No sooner did the words escape his lips than you practically bolted past him, reciting the directives he’d given you over and over to occupy your mind. To anyone else in the cast, your exchange with Schlatt would have seemed entirely random. Up until this moment, you two hadn’t interacted once. How could it have bubbled up to this so quickly?

That was something only you and Schlatt knew. The history between you two. And yet, knowing that history like the back of each other’s hands, he still wanted to act like things were normal. He still wanted to try and pass off as if nothing happened. As if everything was fine. Tearing your heart and stomping on it, over and over and over again.

Furiously wiping your eyes as your feet pattered up the staircase he’d guided you to, you couldn’t help but ponder. He was so clearly over everything. Over it enough to feel confident enough to act all casual, anyway.

So why the hell couldn’t you be?

prev chapter, next chapter

#no beta #jschlatt #jschlatt x reader #schlatt #chuckle sandwich #schlatt x reader #jschlatt imagine #chuckle sandwich x reader #schlatt x you #jschlatt fanfic #jschlatt fic #broadway!reader x techie!schlatt #what i did for love #schlatt fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #schlatt imagine

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theshypinkflower · 6 months ago

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I feel like that one episode of fairly odd parents when Veronica is typing to Trixie. That's how I feel whenever I type something out for you 😭. Anyways, I wanted to ask you about - Is there specific songs you personally think goes with each tpof / btd characters + your fanon / ocs? I think we all can agree that Sal's whole entire thing is the song Bitches love me by MSI but I wanna hear from your opinions :)

Dude I lost the progress for this ask the moment the internet cut out so I had to redo it 😭😭😭😭😭

Me to my fans <3 (since apparently I’m trixie)

I tried keeping this HC more revolved around what they’d actually listen to, but some of the songs are based off lyric content relating to them. Btw I looked at other playlist for some inspo and WHO IS PUTTING DADDY AF BY SLAYYTER ON A CELIA PLAYLIST. I think she’d rather die than listen to a song that calls a man daddy. Anyways here you go, tried making it accurate as possible

Strade:

Megalomaniac (KMFDM)

Stand The Pain (And One)

Amerika (Rammenstein)

California Girls (Katy Perry)

Dead Man’s Party (Oingo Boingo)

Bro seriously gets down to anything energetic

Ren/Fox:

Horror of Our Love (Ludo)

Love Me Dead (Ludo)

Caramelldansen (Caramella Girls)

(I couldn’t copy the song name)

Sano:

Eyes Without A Face (Billy Idol)

Waltz No.2 (Dmitri Shostakovich)

Clair De Lune (Claude Debussy)

Serenade For Strings In E Major, Op. 22, B. 52 II Tempo di valse (Antonin Dvorak)

Akira:

DotA (Basshunter)

Little Kandi Raver (S3RL)

Fer Sure (The Medic Droid)

Scene Girlz (Brokencyde)

Kiss Me Again (Roy Bee)

Cyclone (T-Pain)

Any and all pitbull songs

Lawrence:

Ten hour rain noises to fall asleep to

White Winter Hymnal (Fleet Foxes)

How To Completely Disappear (Radiohead)

Ode To My Family (The Cranberries)

Helplessness Blues (Fleet Foxes)

Never Love An Anchor (The Crane Wives)

Vincent:

I Was Made For Lovin’ You (Kiss)

Highway To Hell (AC/DC)

Fuck Away The Pain (Divide The Day)

Black Betty (Ram Jam)

She Keeps Me Up (Nickelback)

Rire:

No One Lives Forever (Oingo Boingo)

Sympathy For The Devil (Rolling Stones)

Puppet Boy (DEVO)

Lacrimosa (Mozart)

Cain:

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes (The Platters)

End of The World (Skeeter Davis)

The Wonder Of You (Elvis Presley)

Stupid Cupid (Connie Francis)

Derek:

Seven Minutes In Even (Mindless Self Indulgence)

Pigskin (Hollywood Undead)

Flashing Lights (Kanye West)

3 S’s (Mindless Self Indulgence)

Everywhere I Go (Hollywood Undead, look I know it’s overused BUT IT FITS)

Bottoms Up (Trey Songz)

Celia:

Criminal (Fiona Apple)

Paper Bag (Fiona Apple)

Johanna (Suki Waterhouse)

Only Happy When It Rains (Garbage)

Rattlesnake (Kabaret Sybarit)

Mason:

Knockin on Hevaen’s Door (Bob Dylan)

Hangman (Tia Blake)

Flightless Bird, American Mouth (Iron & Wine

Clay Pigeons (Micheal Cera)

FEATURING A LITTLE BONUS!!! (I was gonna do all my TPOF ocs but this has taken me forever so…have Sal. I’m sorry no kangaroo or rhino or desert gang, I was originally going to do them but I lost them in when this didn’t save the first time)

Sal:

Tainted Love (Soft Cell)

Enjoy The Silence (Depeche Mode)

Shout (Tears For Fears)

Salvatore (Lana Del Rey, you know why it’s on this list)

Angel Eyes (ABBA)

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decepticon-nerd · 8 months ago

Text

Transformers: Earthspark - Season 3

Personal thoughts and opinions. Spoilers, obviously

1: Breakdown

I am a bit confused by Breakdown’s character in the series overall.

When we are introduced to him, it isn’t as a loyal to the cause Decepticon, it’s as a friend of Bee’s who seems to want nothing other than the freedom to go racing when and wherever he pleases. However, in the last two seasons we see him betray Bee more than once. In the first episode of this latest season, Bee sneaks into the dome with Mo and Thrash specifically to get Breakdown out, and Breakdown turns on him in favor of the other cons. Repeatedly through the show he’s gone back and forth between loyalty to Bee and loyalty to the cons.

I’m willing to accept that perhaps I’m misunderstanding the character right now, but in my (current) personal opinion, he seems incredibly inconsistently written.

2. Tarantulas

There is still no sign of Tarantulas since his first introduction. I am unsure if the character was cut outright due to budget reasons, but I’m disappointed that he does not reappear. A friend of mine stated that he could be dead, but we see no evidence of this in the show. Furthermore, he does not board Prowl’s ship with the other cons to head back to Cybertron. That being said, if he is alive, he is still on Earth somewhere.

3. Fair Maestro

I'm kicking this man right in the balls. He's annoying and he needs to be arrested with multiple unlawful imprisonment charges.

4. Megatron

I don't really give a shit if people like Earthspark Megatron or not, and I don't really care if he could have done more to stop G.H.O.S.T. All I care about is the fact that this man calls Twitch "Little Bird" multiple times and I am just

He loves these children with all his spark and I am experiencing emotions over it

5. Prowl

First impressions: I want to punch his teeth out. In a way, he kind of reminds me of Knockout - he initially calls the humans 'pets' and refers to them as fleshies multiple times. Due to a misunderstanding, he also physically attacks Megatron.

As episodes progress, he verbally attacks Megatron as well, at last until Megatron saves his ass.

He's blunt, he's relatively rude, and he's rough around the edges, but overall I personally think he's written well, and the show does a good job of keeping him from being a copaganda character.

There's also his side profile which made me physically recoil

Sir you look like a beluga whale why is your forehead so big

6. Starscream

This motherfucker got himself stuck in a baby jail of his own making and when we finally get to hear him speak again he's fucking having tea with Spitfire's corpse propped up in a chair across a table from him. Then Jawbreaker bites him, Hashtag kills him, and Prowl arrests him

7. Terratronus

Now we're getting into one of the big things that bother me the most. There is a whole ass green alien dome in the middle of the city. There is a whole ass titan in the middle of the city. Why isn't getting the dome down and making sure there's no civilians stuck inside with cons and a chaos storm one of the Autobot's biggest priorities?

Follow up question, why are the civilians of Witwicky just going about their day to day like nothing has happened?

In this day and age, someone has likely posted video footage to social media. The government should be fully involved by now, yet the most we see is Schloder tailing a road raging Bumblebee after he's infected with the hate plague.

That aside, we do finally get to see Terratronus in all her glory. And also, apparently, the power of friendship can turn this titan into a Valkyrie that can put TF1 Sentinel Prime to shame.

8. The Maltos

I think this bugs me the most, and I didn't even notice until my friend pointed it out. I think they may have whitewashed Mo and Robbie a bit. Not cool, Hasbro

Other things of note:

Ew, human romance and secondhand embarrassment

Oh, Izzy is a quintesson spy. Interesting. What happened to the real girl, then?

The chaos terrans are not dead

Breakdown get your ass back here you left your son behind

Frenzy and Laserbeak are iconic. Love them

Hasbro stop being homophobic and give us a medic you had the perfect opportunity with a FUCKING DRIVE IN THEATER

#transformers #maccadam #transformers earthspark #tfes season 3 spoilers

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auspicioustidings · 2 years ago

Text

The Blood Druid

Blue Blood Part 3

Summary: Continuation of the Wild Prince/The War Duke. Your lack of knowledge about the birds and the bees finally gets revealed.

Words: 1.9k (look this was supposed to be longer but my keyboard keeps randomly double spacing so everything is taking way longer and typing is making me want to commit homicide so take this while I wait until I can get a new one)

CW: Very light smut

Price and Kyle had been ever so eager to continue and you had promptly shoved them out of your chambers. You were embarrassed and confused and you hated that your body kept so easily melting like that. What was happening to you? Had men always held such sway over a woman's body and you had never known before? It scared you that they could so easily make you feel like you had caught fire and you did not care to be saved. If it was so easy, why had nobody done it before?

You screamed into your pillow, just wanting to not be the only one not in on the joke. They had certainly seemed very pleased with themselves, seeming almost indulgent when they had left after you had somewhat angrily told them to. Like you were some misbehaving little pet that they found adorable. Like they hadn't just made you go boneless and dumb in front of a true Blood Druid. You had thought the moniker was just meant to scare, never in your wildest dreams did you think this Kingdom would be as reckless as to have one amongst them.

Ok, time to think. Time to stop being a child and figure out what was going on. You could do this, you were, are? You are a damn Duchess, you can read and write and for goodness sake you can think.

You had been told that touching yourself between your legs was sinful, the Prince had been able to predict that from your reactions. So it had been apparent then that you had not done so? Did the feeling lessen then over time, allowing you to maintain some sort of wit about you if you were experienced enough? He had said, oh Gods, he had said something about a finger inside. You blushed crimson, feeling the pulse of that liquid heat again at the thought. Inside you. Like the Duke's tongue had been? Oh no, your body was already getting so worked up even remembering.

You lay on the bed on your back, taking shuddering breaths and trying to find some sense of calm. Ok. All you needed do was practice. If you were more accustomed to the feeling, you would not be as taken off guard next time. You may not be able to emulate the feeling of a rough tongue against you, but you dipped your fingers down your body, slower and more tentative than they had been this morning.

You were already so slick from what the Duke had done, closing your eyes and sighing when you felt your body begin to react again. You were languid now, viewing this as an exercise in patience the same way you did with learning Latin. That's what this was, learning. You would learn what this was.

Clit, he had called that little nub you rubbed over your clit. It was such a moody thing, so particular about how it liked to be teased. Not too hard, not too fast. But then as your blood started rushing it wanted more pressure and a faster pace. You found when you thought of the Prince kneeling by your bath or the Duke kneeling by the wall sparks fired inside you and your wetness grew. Your eyebrows furrowed as you took the pads of your fingers away from the sensitive bundle, feeling the loss instantly. You slid your fingers down to your entrance, rubbing and biting your lip as you felt the catch of your fingertips on the dripping hole.

You only used your middle finger to press. The sponginess of your insides was a foreign texture and the feeling of being squeezed by the twitching walls made you withdraw. It frustrated you to tears, not understanding what you were doing. How did two strangers know your body so much better than you did? And why was there some suggestion that they needed to know it in order to ready you for your husband? The wave of feeling inadequate made all that delicious heat turn to ash in your mouth and you withdrew your hand, punching it down into the plush mattress beside you with a whine of frustration.

There was a knock at the door which was novel in a way, nobody seemed to ever bother knocking. You fixed yourself, thinking that if it were the Prince or the Duke you'd want to just pull them in, have them touch you again in the way you wanted. It made you feel both hot and mortified at the same time. You should send them away, make it clear you were no little pet to be made to purr whenever they wanted. You'd not find out which you would have done.

"Hope ye'll naw mind if I don't call ye Duchess, nae such thing where I bide."

Gods he was such a compelling creature up close. The elaborate fabric wrapped around him was held in place by nothing but clever donning, his hair was shorn on the sides and his eyes were so... Saints help you they were so warm and kind on you. You were in equal parts intrigued and terrified of this man, caught frozen in your doorway.

"Looking a bit peely-wally there hen, why don't we get ye some water hm?"

You moved in a stiff shuffle as he herded you to sit on the edge of the bed and filled a glass from the pitcher, giving you little sips which you almost choked on with how close he was to you. Close enough to tear through your throat with his teeth you thought, close enough to drink your blood. He sighed with a little grin, making sure you got some water before putting down the glass and falling back gracelessly to sit cross legged on the floor by your feet, leaning back on his arms.

"Yer feart of me."

That pride that had been slowly waking up these past few days came alive.

"I am not 'feart' of you. You may have conquered a Kingdom, but I am not a King."

“Ye think I button up the back wee yin? Yer feart because I’m a blood druid and the West has always been feart of what they don’t understand. If naw for your betrothed everyone here would be the same.”

“Ghost. The Prince said his name was Ghost. And you are John MacTavish.”

You weren’t sure why you felt the need to say it, but somehow it seemed important to let this man know that you had some knowledge. Big scary Blood Druid sat on your floor looking up at you, relaxed as anything. He was the third man who had lowered himself to be beneath you and it made something fizz, some animal instinct purring at the small act of submission from men so dominant.

“Simon. His name is Simon Riley. And aye, my name is John MacTavish. Johnny is fine if it’s you.”

“Johnny”, you tried it out, wrapping your tongue around it. He seemed pleased and you could not stop the annoyance blossoming on your face at how easily you had moved from terrified to having a casual conversation.

He laughed, leaning forward to put his hands on your thighs and lean his head on one like some affectionate puppy, big eyes seeming liquid gazing up at you with such fondness.

“Ye look at me the way Simon does before he skelps me wee yin. Cannae give me that look if ye want me to behave all proper for ye,” he said, his hand on your free thigh squeezing. Gods, not again.

“Please…”

He perked up at the strained cry coming from you, head raising so he could look fully at you. Whatever he found in his appraisal seemed to change his mood, his eyes narrowing for a moment.

“Wit’s that worry for? Whit did Gaz say tae ye? I’m naw going tae take yer maidenhood, just going tae make you feel good. Get you ready.”

“I don’t understand what you mean!” you shouted at him, tears starting that you tried to hide behind your hands.

You felt so stupid. So small and weak and stupid. What did you need to get ready for? What did he mean by your maidenhood and why had he assumed you were worried he would take it rather than the truth that you were worried he would make you feel as his companions had and it would overwhelm you? Gone was that relaxed nature of his, instead he seemed tense.

“Look at me” he said with such a steady command that you followed the instruction, dropping your hands. “Tell me whit ye ken about yer wedding night. Naw the one in this Kingdom, the one ye thought ye’d have in yours. The one yer ma would have told you about.”

“My mother died when I was born.”

“Who looked after ye then?”

“I- well there were servants that attended to me.”

“There must have been one that telt ye aboot yer womanhood aye? Taught ye about yer bleeding and whit it meant?”

“Of course” you huffed, “father was furious when I stained the sheets as a girl. They made sure to teach me how to hide it properly after that to not damage anything.”

The hand on your thigh tightened and then loosened rapidly a few times, but the man in front of you kept his expression neutral.

“Yer wedding night, whit did they tell ye about it?”

“Well I… it happened very quickly. I wasn’t told anything before I was in the carriage and then I was alone for the journey.”

He blew out a breath, stood and bent to press lips to your forehead and then looked at you with such a ferocity in his eyes that you remembered every horror story about Blood Druids and thought them all surely true.

“I’ll naw kill yer father without yer permission wee yin even though I should, fucking hackit wee shite that he is. Seems he left a good bit out of yer schooling.”

That horrible feeling of missing something came to a crescendo. This was confirmation enough that there were some important facts you were missing. Some knowledge held from you that meant you were defenceless against all these new sensations. And it was this monster who was the one to tell you. Although who was it that had always told you that men from the Northern Isles were monsters? His hand now against your face, rough thumb rubbing at your tears, did not feel like that of a monster.

“Gaz and Price I cannae guarantee will be able to stop themselves if they find oot that ye didnae even ken whit they were doing. Fuck hen, we’ve been mean tae ye haven’t we? Poor thing naw even knowing whit’s expected of ye from yer husband.”

“Don’t treat me like a child.”

“Aww dinnae get all bratty on me now jist cause yer mad ye dinnae ken anything,” he cooed, making you feel that way you had with Price, that pulsating anger.

“Well stop using it against me and teach me then!”

John MacTavish had never really pretended to be a good man. He was probably as close to a decent one as he reckoned a young lady could find, but certainly not good. If he were a good man he’d have left, found Kate and asked her to teach this little Duchess all about the romantic and erotic arts. But the temptation to lead you into a little snare wasn’t one he was inclined to ignore. Fuck you were so easily led, so predictably lashing out and giving him exactly what he wanted.

Oh he would be more than happy to teach you all about what you wanted to know, and he was going to take his time doing it.

#cod #cod au #fanfic #mhairiwrites #tf 141 x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #I swear this was originally a fic to have a go at writing smut and now I am back on my bullshit of there needing to be plot #why am I like this?#also really shooting myself in the foot here by very much setting up for maximum smut in the next chapter #can she deliver? Probs not bestie #confidence in writing at an all time low but the voices persist so whatever

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